#but then it came out so narcissistic i couldn't stop fucking laughing

[xshrimpcake]

some dumb linswire

[visualtaehyun]

Love Sea 🌊 is here and I'm being so normal about it! Entirely normal! Totally didn't already write half an essay on pronoun predictions back when the intro trailer came out or anything haha...

This is gonna be a bit meandering because it's partly my chronological notes and partly me trying to gather similar things into one category so please excuse the chaotic nature of this post lol

Disclaimer: not a native Thai speaker, still learning 🙏

Overworked secretary Mook is already my favorite 😂 She's adorable and clumsy and clearly thinks way too much! The way she frustratedly strikes through 'high voice' on her 30-step-script/plan I LOVE HER

Sidenote: I see why Vi and Rak are besties, she's such a schemester omg ViMook are gonna be an excellent side couple! It's also such a delight to see Aya in a completely different role from Wa in Wedding Plan. :>

Back to Mook's desk though- We know that BossNoeul are gonna have a cameo as themselves during the book fair Mook mentions on the phone because we've seen them with the "Boy Next World" novel in the trailer-

So let's take a look at Rak's manuscripts:

1) "Love Sand" - which is the novel that Connor and his boyfriend Khom, played by Pentor in Love Sea, are from! 2) "Test Love" - specifically, the illustration looks to be from the special novel and the middle couple, Ryu and Sun. We know them from Wedding Plan because none other than Forth, who plays Palm in Love Sea, played Sun:

Since I'm talking about him already- Palm saying ขอนั่งนะ /khaaw nang na/ (= Can I sit?) as he's literally already gettin comfy?? djshshjs this kid is so- fucking- nonchalant? overly casual? (in his speech too) it's hilarious! Also, I'm not sure if he's the best or the worst wingman ever lmao

แล้วถ้าเกิดที่นี่มีดีสุดแค่เนี้ย พี่ก็ไม่อยากได้ที่เหลือเหมือนกัน /laaeo thaa geert thee nee mee dee soot kaae niia, phi gaaw mai yaak dai thee leuua meuuan gan/ = If the best this place has to offer is just this then I don't want the rest either. -> I love and appreciate MMY's translator but it's entirely implication if he means the drink, the bar or Mahasamut

When Mut asked if Connor's talking about a person or dog and Connor said Rak is more like a cat which he'll see once he meets him, Mut texted:

/khun Connor phuut meuuan pom rap liiang laaeo/ = You say that like I've already adopted him/agreed to raise him.

And the word เลี้ยง /liiang/ comes up several times then-

This one's subbed as 'take for a walk' but it's actually เลี้ยง /liiang/ again, not that Rak understands a single word anyway when Mut's speaking Southern dialect lmao Sidenote: His dialect isn't even that strong btw, especially compared to some of the folks he interacted with at the beginning of the episode. Mut and Connor are just clearly pulling one over on Rak lmao I couldn't stop laughing at Mut keeping on pulling out the dialect to get on city boy Rak's nerves! Similarly, I love that Rak clearly underestimates Mut at first and thinks he's a huge idiot and country bumpkin, even trying to manipulate Mut with his body, meanwhile Mut plays his part so well 😂

... as well as the cat/pet implication:

He actually said 'brush your fur' lol

Here we've got an idiom that got lost in translation cause it wouldn't make sense:

หลงตัวเอง ผีเจาะปากมาพูด* /lohng dtuua eng. phee jaw bpaak maa phuut/ = So full of yourself/such a narcissist. You sure like hearing yourself talk*. -> *it's an idiom that literally translates to 'a ghost pierced your mouth to make you talk' and describes someone who talks endlessly ผีอะไรมันจะหล่อขนาดนี้คุณ /phee a rai man ja laaw khanaat nee, khun/ = What ghost would be this handsome?

Lastly- the seagull laugh after Rak trips on the beach is so. fucking. funny!

[httpsghostie]

ok hear me out- hurt/comfort with your dad best friend!ghost 🫢 i'm just craving for more of that series...

LOOK idk if you meant nsfw or sfw so I wrote what came to mind and didn't think much of it, still, feel free to ask if u want anything else 🩷

literally had an argument w my narcissistic mother today and almost broke the house down 😀 wish I had a dilf like Simon to run to smh

I hope u enjoy cuz idk I'm sad bro

Summary: you show up at Simon's door seeking for his comfort.

Word Count: around 600

Warnings: dbf!Simon 'Ghost' Riley x female!reader, kinda angst?, hurt/comfort situation blablabla

masterlist

"Horrible fucking day." 

Black eyeliner and mascara stained your swollen cheeks after crying for what felt like eternity. Simon stood there, inside his apartment, still holding the doorknob and trying to understand if this was somehow a joke. He had a confused expression, lips parting to formulate a sentence, but he just stepped back and signed for you to come in.

"What happened?" 

He asked as he headed to the kitchen and put some water in the kettle to make you a warm cup of tea. You sank on his couch, holding your knees to your chest in a fetal position and broke down in tears again.

"Fucking everything." You sobbed. "Why do I always have to do everything wrong, why do I have to be such a bad person?"

"You're… not?"

"I am. I am a terrible person in my mom's terms." He raised his eyebrows and sighed as you slowly started to talk louder.

"What did she do now?"

"Apparently I can't use my fucking voice in that fucking house, she's always the right one in every situation, she's never wrong, Simon, she's never fucking wrong."

"Ok, love, that's a lot of fucks, even for me."

You chuckled as he poured the water in a mug and brought you tea. It smelled so good, even though your nose was blocked from crying too much you could still sense the sweet smell of such a simple thing as his tea.

You had an exquisite relationship with Simon, he was best friends with your father, so anything besides talking kinda felt wrong. But he was such a good person to you, he truly understood your feelings and besides the point, he was the one you ran to whenever something bad happened, just like right now.

You sipped the tea, starting to calm down little by little.

"Better now?" He was sitting on the coffee table in front of you, and for a moment you wondered how the hell did that furniture not break with his weight. You nodded. "See? Tea makes everything better."

"You're so chronically british." You laughed.

"Oh, come on, I gave you a beautiful smile, hm?" Despite the unspoken restrictions from interacting with a girl that was way younger than him, he couldn't contain his flirtatious tone when he was alone with you.

"Ok, Simon, ok." You laughed with him and took a few more sips of his delicious tea.

"Alright, you, my dear, look worse than me when I take my mask off after being on a mission for three days in a row without sleeping."

"Thank you?" You giggled as he went to the bathroom and picked some wipes.

"Close your eyes." He said, standing behind you on the couch, trying to make you stop laughing. You laid your head back and smiled as he wiped your makeup off. "There you go, much better."

"Thanks, Si." You opened your eyes and looked at his upside down figure smiling softly at you.

Your eyes met, and suddenly you were lost in his deep ocean eyes, falling in a trance. Both of your smiles faded as his hands gently caressed your cheeks, leaning his body towards you. He gave you a peck on the forehead and one on your nose, then softly kissed your lips.

"Always."

taglist: @butterbunana @snoisisabitch @nuhteyam @iamabsolutelynothere @blissful--moon @jellyluvr @khomugi @xaintxun @kichimiz @frog-spot @sasukeswife3

[roses-r-rosie3]

Dancing With Your Ghost: Lost

Miguel O'Hara x M!Reader

[Part 1] [Part 3] [Part 4]

warnings: Arguing, guilt, and angst

Summary: The reader is really self absorbed and Miguel starts to lose hope that he will ever love the reader, but the reader slowly starts to fall in love with Miguel

A/n: I wasn't really planning on making a part 2 for this story but I saw a comment from @strawberrycakecake with this idea so yea, thank you to them <3

Quote: "Listen, I am sorry for whoever you lost, but I do not love you, and I never will"

✁ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It had been a few weeks after he unknowingly invited you, or an alternate version of you, to the society. He still wasn't over you. Everytime he looked into your e/c eyes, it reminded him of how he failed to save you. So everytime you were around, he would always lock himself inside of his office.

Most of the spider people wondered why Miguel constantly favored you over anyone else. But the only people who understood why were Jess and Peter. They were both aware about Miguel's relationship with you. And only they understood the grief he went through when he lost you. They tried comforting him the best they could, but each time they tried, Miguel would shoo them away.

But one thing stood out about this alternate version of you. This version was really snarky and a bit disrespectful. That's one thing that Miguel hated. His version of you was sweet and cordial, that's one of the main reasons why Miguel fell in love with you to begin with. But this version of you didn't care about anyone's feelings but your own.

Miguel was in his office, looking at old pictures and videos of you and him, but then Peter busted inside of Miguel's office.

"Miguel! Uh- you might wanna come fix this!" Peter said before he ran right back out of Miguel's office.

Miguel quickly ran after Peter to see what he was talking about. Peter lead him to the cafeteria where you and Gwen were arguing and two different spider people holding both of you away from each other. And as soon as Miguel came into the room, everyone went silent.

"What is going on in here" Miguel growled.

"I'm sick and tired of him being a narcissistic asshole! That's what!" Gwen screamed.

"Just because I cut you in line? Are we in middle school?" You scoffed.

"You pushed me, laughed about it, and didn't even say sorry!" Gwen responded.

"Well who's fault is that?" You mocked.

"Enough!" Miguel yelled.

Without a word Miguel immediately took your arm and lead you inside of his office.

"What the fuck is wrong with you y/n! Ever since you joined this damn society you have been nothing but rude to everyone! You used to be sweet and nice! What the fuck happened to you?!" Miguel cried.

"I don't know who you think I am! But I am not who you think I am! I am me! I don't know who you are! I don't know which y/n you are talking about, but you need to stop comparing me to him because I am not him!" " you yelled back.

"Listen, I am sorry for whoever you lost, but I do not love you, and I never will" you said before leaving the room.

Miguel's heart was shattered. That's when it hit him that he lost you. He could love his version of you but this alternate version of you would never love him.

After that whole fiasco happened, you had this gut feeling that was making you feel guilty. You have never felt any type of remorse before. It bothered you for some reason.

The next day Miguel came to the spider society he finally accepted the fact that you didn't love him. He lost hope in this new you, for all he knew you were just someone who looked like his version of you. He was not going to treat you differently than the other people anymore.

You on the other hand, you were a mess. You couldn't sleep all night because you were thinking about what you had said to Miguel. The look on his face

"Hey Boss man, I just wanted to say sorry for-"

"Get out" Miguel grumbled as he cut you off.

"I just wanted to say-"

"Did you not hear me? I won't warn you again" Miguel snarled.

You left his office with out saying a word. As you walked out all the spider people were giving you death glares. You couldn't help but to feel vulnerable. You wanted to go back in there and beg for Miguel to forgive you. Why were you feeling this? You have never felt this way before. And that's when it hit you, you were in love with Miguel.

✁ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A/n: Part 3???? 🤔

Tag List: @honeydew-i, @loivre, @strawberrycakecake

[harrietbarnesblog]

Call it what you want

Series masterlist

Warning: mild smut

Chapter 7: slow hands

Your house was on the second floor of the building. You guys took the lift. You both were silent but there was no awkwardness. You couldn't keep your eyes off him. And he kept sneaking looks at you too.

When you reached your door you entered the password to your house and entered along with Chan.

You offered the couch for Chan to sit down.

“You want some … beer?” you said as you took the beer bottle out of the fridge. You had only alcoholic beverages in your fridge. You ran out of milk and coffee. There was nothing else to provide to the guest.

“Isn't it too early for beer?”

“Not when you are an alcoholic.” you joked. Chan chuckled.

“Let's drink.”

3 beer bottles in, you and Chan were starting to get a bit tipsy.

“And then I was dancing on my bed very badly like in a sexy way you know and my mom came in. and it was so embarrassing for me. She rushed down and told my dad everything and they won't stop bringing it up each and every time we have dinner or lunch together.” you narrated your memory to Chan and he was listening with so much attention.

“You are so cute.” he said out of the blue.

“I know I am.” you said

“Look at you being narcissistic.” He teased you.

“It's not a crime to be narcissistic, mr. Bahng.”

“Is that so, ms. y/l/n?”

“Yes.”

He pulled you closer by your waist and started to tickle you. You couldn't stop laughing.

“Chris..ss…. Stop.” you said in between your laughs.

You were lying on the floor while he was tickling you. You managed to grab him and turn you guys around so that he was on the floor lying. You grabbed his hands and pinned his hand above his head. You both were closer than you guys should be. One wrong move and your lips would be on his.

“y/n.” he said.

“What?”

“We shouldn't.”

“Yeah we shouldn't.”

Your mouth might be speaking of something but your heart and lips wanted something else. You leaned in and kissed him. He kissed you back. His soft lips moved against yours.you let go of his hands and grabbed his shirt

“Wait wait. What happens after this?” Chan asked, breaking away from the kiss.

“I have no idea. I mean I can't afford love or relationships in the condition I am in. You even being my friend will do a lot of damage to you.”

Chan didn't wanna lose you. He knew if he walks away from here he will lose everything with you. He just wanted to enjoy the rest of his life with you but it doesn't seem possible.

“We dont have to be in a relationship. Let's just roll with the flow. Shall we?” he asked and you nodded your head agreeing with him.

He pulled you back in the kiss. You deepened the kiss and your hand was tangled in his hair. His hands were under your hoodie tracing your back. You felt the butterflies in your stomach. There were fireworks and everything. You tear open his shirt and pull away from the kiss to look at him.

“Oops , sorry.” you said breathing heavily.

“You are not sorry.” he retorted back. A Few seconds in and all your clothes were scattered on the floor. Chan put you up on his shoulders and carried you to your bed. you pulled open your bedside drawer. You picked a condom. You ripped the cover open between your teeth.

“Damn you are sexy as fuck.” he said.

“Stop talking.” you said jokingly.

“Yes, ma’am.”

You rolled the condom on his dick. He was quick enough to push you down onto the bed. He grabbed your hand and pinned it above your head. He entered inside of you. Both of you lost into the moment of passion. Ignoring the whole world. Right now only you existed to him and only he existed to you.

[4awny]

Kyman Week Day 6 - First Trip

As Eric Cartman.

June 12th. Aged 42. A Thursday. This was the day of my release. 

Let's just address the elephant in the room first. It was second degree murder and I got 20 years. Due to good behaviour, I was out in 15. Coming off my medication was my biggest downfall and none of it would have happened if I just listened to people and got the help I needed.

I still think the guy deserved it, that's something I'll never submit to. I did it for Kyle, but I was also a danger to him too. Prison was inevitable.

He often came to visit. We talked everyday and he was this beacon of hope that got me through the first few years.

Prison wasn't so bad for me. I was terrified at first, but as time went on, I felt a sense of belonging there. I met people who were just like me, people who thought the same way I did. People void of emotions, people that were selfish, people that used others for their own gain. Psychopaths, narcissists. You name it, they were there. I kept clear from them.

It made me realize that I wasn't there to serve my time and be done with it. I was there to be rehabilitated.

After my second year, I cut ties with Kyle. 

He was completely devastated. I refused visits, made zero calls and couldn't bring myself to read his letters. After the fourth year, he stopped sending them. I think it probably broke him.

It wasn't fair holding him back anymore. I couldn't expect him to wait for me and I just wanted him to move on. It was the right thing to do and I have no regrets making that decision.

I befriended a few weirdos. Found a new faith. Lost weight, gained it back. Made connections. I still thought about him. Everyday I thought about him. 

As I approached my tenth year, I got the news that an old friend passed away. I was heartbroken. They buried him in South Park cemetery, where mom is. I still miss them both.

The later years were tough. Things started to change in there and I was struggling to cope. I came close to calling Kyle on so many occasions, but I always ended up disconnecting the call when I heard an answer. I only wanted to hear his voice. He has no idea how much it helped me.

Then one day, after around the year twelve mark, I heard a different voice. I hung up quickly, distraught. Desperation kicked in, like an old habit. I spent the next few months calling frequently and I didn't stop until I heard Kyle's voice again. Relief, because it became an obsession and I was doing so well up until that point. I broke the chip and tossed the phone for my own sanity. I promised myself that I wouldn't contact him again.

I got an early release, which I wasn't expecting. I said goodbye to home and before I knew it, I'm walking through the doors to freedom.

I'll cut the boring details. Two years go by and I got a car, an apartment and a job. I had a girlfriend too at one point, but it didn't work out. I broke it off, but she was also pregnant, so we remained friends.

The anniversary of Kenny's death came around, so I went to the cemetery to pay my respects. Just when I started to pray, I heard my name being called.

I turned around immediately and there he was, standing opposite me with flowers in his hand. He was just as stunned as I was and neither of us said anything for a few moments. I didn't have my glasses on, but his face was as clear as day.

His hair was shorter, he had a beard and the color was less vibrant than what I remember - more faded. My knees almost buckled over. He ran over to me and we crashed into each other. I silently sobbed into his shoulder and I couldn't let go.

"You'll be fine, everything's gonna be okay." He told me. He always knew what to say.

He took me to a diner and we stayed in there for hours, talking. I told him I had a daughter on the way. He didn't attempt to hide the surprised look on his face, but then he blurted out that he was divorced and I laughed hysterically.

It was so fucking typical of him.

He was curious to see where I lived, so he came home with me. We went the long way back, whatever that meant because it was only a ten minute drive. I think he just wanted to remind me of all the memories we shared together. Reminiscing, like old men.

I consider this our first trip together. Call it a trip down memory lane. My next and final story is where it ends.

6 / 7

Prev / Next

You'll be fine - ao3 for notes and shit

dayum im 5 mins late today 😭 whoops

[indiee19]

This Waiting Is Driving Me Wild

Alex Turner x reader

Summary: A buzzed haired Alex teases you all throughout an awards event; you reject him at first, and he makes you regret it later.

warnings: smut, light bondage, spit kink, edging

word count: 5.6k

-Requested from Wattpad

a/n: I have no damn clue if the kink shit is correct, so don't mind that, also I may change it later, so who knows

✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑ ✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

You felt anticipation build up in the pit of your stomach whenever they announced the nominees for the best alternative album of 2018 category: Colors by Beck, Masseduction by St. Vincent, and Tranquility Base Hotel + Casino by Arctic Monkeys.

You held your breath, every inch of your body hoping for Alex's band to win, then they called the winner.

"And the winner is ... Tranquility Base Hotel + Casino by the Arctic Monkeys," the presenter called, stopping in between words to read the winner of off the card. You and everybody else in the room clapped and as the band stood up, Alex gave you a kiss, then walked up to the stage with the rest of the band to accept the award.

He winked at you while he was walking up the stairs without anyone but you knowing, making you blush. He walked up to the stand and took the microphone from the lady, beginning to speak. "One, two. One, two, there we go. Well, I would first of all like to thank everyone who has supported us by listening to the album, buying it, and coming to our shows. I'm very glad that you all enjoyed it enough for us to win, and for that, I'd like to say thank you, this truly does mean a lot," he said, Matt and Nick chattering behind him.

Alex said thank you one last time before they walked off stage, walking back to the table, sitting down beside you. He placed a chaste kiss on your cheek, placing the award down on the table. They soon started to call the next award nominees, and most everyone paid attention to it, you included. Alex on the other hand was watching you and you saw out of the corner of your eye that he licked his lips, one of his hands coming up to your thigh, rubbing dangerously close to the hem of your dress, coming closer and closer to go under it.

You quickly grabbed his hand and pushed it away, leaning over to tell him something. "Alex, we can't, not here, not now. We're at an awards event, one where your album is nominated," you said sternly. He bit his lip and looked as if he was deep in though, which he normally was, always coming up with the perfect response to everything.

"But, baby, you look so sexy and I don't know how much longer I can wait to 'ave you," he said, whispering in your ear, rubbing your thigh again. You moved your hand over his to top him from moving up your thigh. You turned to pay more attention to the rest of the awards ceremony.

They called the next category and said the nominees' names, another host going up to the stage to announce the winner, everyone clapping their hands, you included, when they did. While the winner was giving a small speech, Alex leaned over and kissed your neck lightly, making you look back him and give him a glare as a warning to stop. He just smirked, knowing just how to get you riled up.

He leaned over, whispering another profanity in your ear. "Baby, you look so sexy in that dress. I can't wait to have you."

"Well, you have to wait," you replied, kissing his cheek, grabbing his hand to stop him from moving any further up your leg. You looked into his eyes, waiting for him to respond, but he didn't.

You tried to be patient, hoping that he would realize that you couldn't do anything with him at the moment, and maybe not at all tonight since you would get home late and be really tired - or at least that's what you thought.

The winner walked off stage and they started to announce the next category. Though as you watched and listened, Alex started back up again with his teasing, his hand now going up your dress, ignoring your previous warnings, finding its way to the hemline of your panties, toying with it.

"Alex," you warned, grabbing his wrist to stop him from going any further than he already was. "I told you, you have to wait until we get home."

"But, baby, this waiting is driving me wild, and I know that it's driving you wild too, can't tell me otherwise," he said, getting more confident at the end of the statement. You laughed. "No, it's not actually. Because, unlike you, I'm not horny twenty-four seven," you said, turning away.

"Don't lie to me, I know 'ow horny you get. Remember the 2014 BRITS?" he said nonchalantly, whispering in your ear. You lied and said you didn't, but you did.

-

"God, Alex, please just take me already," you moaned, his tip teasing your entrance. You'd begged all throughout the awards ceremony for him to take you to the bathroom and fuck you, and he finally gave in, escaping the after party, leaving and going home.

He was now teasing you, making sure that you were a whimpering mess for him. He cocked his head and pushed himself all the way inside you.

It was a very, very long night.

-

"Yes, you do. You're thinking about it now, aren't you?" he said, kissing your cheek. You rolled your eyes and tried your best to ignore him, pushing his hands away, dodging his kisses, tuning him out, insisting that you talk to Katie and Jamie instead.

You were able to make it through another thirty minutes of the ceremony, Alex taking a break from being a narcissistic, horny, teasing asshole. Though after the thirty minutes was gone, he started right back where he started. It didn't matter how many times you told him no, your warnings only fueled him even more, getting bolder and bolder each time.

He leaned over to you when no one was looking, everyone else far too focused on the stage. "Baby, when we get home, I'm going to fuck you up," he whispered, gripping your thigh tightly. Though his words weren't abnormal for him, they did take you by surprise. You looked at him, surprised by his boldness to do that in front of everyone.

"Alex," you said, giving him a warningly look. He just smirked, more than likely planning how he was going to get you to beg for him by the end of the night.

He of course continued this behavior the rest of the awards show, making sure to tease you, placing kisses to your neck when no one was looking, whispering dirty profanities in your ear, rubbing up your thigh, eventually going under your dress to play with them hemline of your underwear .... again.

-

The event had ended and you and Alex were now at the after party, even though you hated parties. You were talking to Kelly and Nick, the only thing that would keep you sane at the moment, and you were congratulating Nick on the awards that they had won tonight. "Congratulations, Nick. You all deserve the award so, so much," you said.

"Oh, it's really nothing, but thank you anyways," he said, waving it off. Him and Kelly walked over to Jamie and Katie to talk to them, leaving you alone. You decided to go and find Alex, haven't had seen him in the past thirty minutes, wondering where he was.

You looked around for at least ten minutes, asking anyone you knew where he was, most of them not knowing themselves. You finally found him talking with Miles, who would have thought. The two most amazing friends hanging out together, you should have known.

Alex's back was facing you, so Miles noticed you first. "Oh, hey, love," he said, making Alex turn around. "Hey, Mi. Do you mind if I steal Alex away from you for just a minute?" you said, holding Alex's arm. He shook his head no and got up, leaving you and Alex alone.

"Alex, can we leave?" you asked. He smirked, taking your request the wrong way, thinking that you wanted him now. "You finally came to your senses, I see," he smirked, grabbing you by the waist, kissing your neck while no one was looking. You pushed him away for what felt like the millionth time tonight.

"No, Alex, not like that. I mean that I'm tired and want to go home," you explained. But he of course wouldn't take that as an answer, thought that you were just begging him for him to take you. He kept saying that you weren't tired and just decided that you wanted him, saying that you both could go to the bathroom instead of going home and leaving.

You kept trying to convince him, kept trying to prove that you were tired and you even brought up the fact that you hated parties to try and convince him.

Finally, you convinced him, and he was ready to take you home. "Fine, just let me have a smoke and we'll leave," he said, couldn't believe that you didn't want him. You nodded and stayed seated while he went outside to smoke.

You waited patiently - twenty-two minutes went by and still no Alex. You decided to go and look for him, then head out to the car. You quickly said goodbye to everyone and walked outside, immediately seeing Alex. He was done with his smoke, seemingly waiting for you. "You ready to leave, darling?" he asked, smirking, still not believing that you wanted to go home because you were tired.

"Yes, I am, Al," you said, taking his hand, Alex leading you to the car, opening the door for you, walking around to the other side to get in, starting the car. And finally, after three long hours of his teasing, it was time to leave and go home, and just like before, Alex of course had to tease you to his fullest extent. "Can't believe that you didn't want me earlier," he said, his voice suggestive.

"I always want you, Al, but I'm tired. I'm ready for bed," you said. You were very tired, the amount of interviews Alex was in tonight, the waiting, killed you, the amount of times you had to push Alex's hand away and tell him no, and then the after party that you had practically begged for Alex to take you home. And Alex being, well, Alex, took your begs as requests for him to take you home and fuck you, and you had to convince him that it was because you were tired, which took a lot of convincing that wore you out.

You were glad when you and Alex finally got home, you were ready to go to bed, but Alex had other plans, immediately slamming you against the wall, kissing you deeply. If you were tired before, you surely weren't now, the heat of the kiss waking you up fully from your sleepy state.

He grabbed the underside of your thighs, signaling for you to jump and you did. Alex carried you down the hallway all the way into the bedroom, almost throwing you on the bed. He began to rid you of your clothes, leaving you in just your bra and underwear, kissing you everywhere he could. You tried to unbutton his shirt, but he quickly pushed your hands away, not allowing you to touch him.

Alex leaned down and captured you lips in a hard, passionate kiss, you hands going around his neck, scratching at the fuzz on the back of his neck. He bit you bottom lip, slipping his tongue past your lips, exploring you mouth. You could taste the wine and beer he'd had at the event, as well as the last cigarette he smoked right before you left the after party.

You felt him hard against your leg, his cock straining in his tight trousers. He pulled away from the steamy kiss unexpectedly, starting to crawl down your body, kissing down your neck, collarbone, breasts, stomach, stopping at your abdomen, just above where you needed him, the ache between your legs more prominent than it had been all night long.

He looked up at you, your eyes locking with his. "Alex, please," you begged, desperate for him now.

"Look who's begging for me to fuck you now," he smirked, the cocky tone in his voice obvious. You begged him some more with your eyes, eventually getting exactly what you wanted. He pulled down your underwear with his teeth, and you kicked them off into the floor. Alex nudged your thighs apart with one of his hands and started to kiss up your thighs, stopping when he reached your core, blowing on it, sending shivers up your body.

He waited a moment, and you were about to beg him again, but he quickly dipped his head down, placing wet, sloppy kisses to your heat, using his hands to hold your thighs as far apart they could go.  And then his tongue lapped at your folds, spreading around your arousal.

He moved down to your dripping wet cunt, sticking his tongue inside of you, knowing how crazy it would drive you. You gripped the sheets, balling them up in your fists, needing to have something to hold on to, his hair not nearly long enough for you to do that.

Alex lifted his head up from your heat, wiping his face that was slick with your arousal. "Knew you wanted me. You're so wet, baby," he drawled, looking at the mess he had made of you in barely seven minutes.

He dipped his head back down to your heat again, his hands gripping your thighs tightly, holding them far apart. His tongue kept poking inside of you, and you writhed underneath him, the feeling too good, he was too good.

He moved his mouth back over to your clit, sucking it into his mouth, quickly replacing his tongue with two of his fingers, starting to pump them in and out of you slowly, setting a pace to your dismay. Though the pace wasn't nearly what you wanted, it drove you wild. He'd done this so many times, drove you wild so many times, that he knew exactly how to drive you mad, knew exactly how to make you feel so good.

You started to absent mindly grind your hips on his face, desperate to try and get his fingers to go faster in and out of you and to sink deeper inside of you. Alex chuckled against your skin, vibrations shooting up your body, and he took one of his hands and placed it on your hip to hold you down.

He quickly started to move his fingers faster, your orgasm getting closer and closer. "Alex, I-I'm so close," you said, voice trailing off into a moan as he had pressed down on your clit. He pressed down on your clit harder and with that, you shook, your orgasm washing over you.

You gripped the sheets tighter and wrapped your legs around Alex's head, his hand still on your hips. He kept moving his fingers, and you rode out your high. Alex sat up, removing his fingers from you and you whimpered at the loss of contact. He sat up, wiping his face that was, once again, slick with your arousal. You looked up at him, meeting eyes with him, seeing only lust in them. "How many do you think you can do?" Alex asked, removing his shirt, standing up to remove the rest of his clothes, leaving his bandanna neck scarf, which you didn't think much of at the moment, and you wasted no time before sitting up to help him out of his pants, stroking his cock when you removed his boxers.

He was painfully hard, precum forming on his tip that was a slight reddish purple color. He pushed you back down on the bed, sitting over your hips, straddling you. "I think that I can do th-three - oh," you said, moaning when he pushed your legs apart and pushed himself inside you, his head dropping down on your shoulder, biting down on it, sure to leave a mark.

He gave you very little time to fully adjust, starting to move once he regained some of his composure. He pulled almost all the way out of you before slamming back into you, gripping your hip with one hand, the other one holding himself above you.

Your hands ghosted over his toned chest, stopping at his broad shoulders, gripping onto them tightly, your nails digging into his skin. Alex started moving faster - much, much faster. Your eyes closed automatically, the way his cock stroked your walls felt too good, driving you mad. One of your hands moved up to the back of his head, scratching at the fuzz on his freshly buzzed head.

Your moans got louder as he fucked you harder, faster, and more mercilessly, taking good care of you like he always did. Alex's hand that was on your hip moved to rub vigorously on your clit, thrusting in and out of you faster and faster. Alex delivered a very hard thrust, hitting the spongey spot that made you see stars, flicking your clit, sending you over the edge.

Your eyes rolled back into your head, your grip on his shoulders tightening, so much so that you were sure that you would leave a mark. You rode out your high, Alex's movements not even slowing, but going faster.

Moans fell from your mouth, getting louder and louder. You'd just come down from your second orgasm, you were tired and sore and wore out, and you didn't know how much more you could take. Alex's head dropped down on your shoulder, placing kisses to it, eventually settling on a spot and sucking harshly on it.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, your feet locking at the back, and you started to grind onto him to meet his movements, the pleasure becoming too much for you to handle. A knot started to build up in the pit of your stomach, your third orgasm approaching you faster than the previous two had.

"God, love, you feel so fucking good," Alex grunted, punctuating each word with a hard thrust, flicking your clit along with each thrust. And with that, you shook, your third orgasm washing over you, riding out the intense waves of pleasure. You felt pure euphoria and bliss. You held onto Alex tightly, your legs tightening as your cunt contracted around him, drawing him in, holding him close.

You came down from your orgasm, opening your tightly shut eye, Alex's movements stopping. You untangled your legs and unwrapped your arms from around him, and he pulled out of you, sitting up on his knees, gripping the base of his cock tightly. He was clearly struggling to hold on himself, the sight of you coming undone just enough for him, and the sight could've solely made him come undone.

"Turn around, doll. On all fours," he drawled, motioning for you to turn around. You looked at him, didn't know how much more you could take, thought that you both agreed on three. "A-Alex, I don't know how much more-" you tried to say, but he cut you off.

"You can take it, and you will take it," he said. You hesitantly sat up, turning around. You looked over your shoulder at Alex. He was lining himself up with your entrance; you felt his tip poking inside of you, making you whimper out. "A-Alex."

He smirked and pushed inside you, bottoming out in one swift thrust. His hand soothed down your back, finding its way to your shoulder and he gripped it tightly, starting to thrust almost immediately. You closed your eyes tightly, the feeling already starting to become too good.

You moaned loudly when Alex began to thrust into you hardly, moving his hand from your shoulder to your hair, gripping it. His pace increased gradually, each thrust getting faster and harder. "Yes, fuck, baby, you're so wet for me," Alex groaned, somehow increasing his pace.

"A-Alex ... fuck ... faster," you whimpered, feeling a knot form in the pit of your stomach, your orgasm approaching very, very quickly.

"Givin' orders now, are we?" Alex spat, slowing his pace before slamming back into you hardly.

"I-I'm sorry," you whimpered. Alex moved his hand that was on your hip to your clit, rubbing harshly on it, and his hand that was in your hair moved down to cup your throat, pulling you flat against his chest. Sweat pooled on Alex's chest and forehead. His hand that was on your neck moved around your body to grab your breast, fondling it.

You needed something to hold on to, so your grabbed his arm that was across your front, holding on tightly, your other hand moving to the back of his head, scratching at the fuzz on his nape.

Alex's thrusts got faster and harder, and he rubbed more vigorously on your clit. You were so close, could practically taste your orgasm approaching. Alex thrusted up into you and that was almost enough for you, just one more and you were gone. But before you could, Alex stopped his movements and pulled out of you.

You were confused, had thought that he needed his release just as much as you, so you slowly turned around to face him and you propped yourself up on your elbows. "Alex, w-why'd you stop?" you questioned. He was looking you up and down.

"You was getting way too grabby for me liking," he drawled, crawling back over you. He removed his bandanna from around his neck, grabbing your wrists, bringing them up to the headrest, tying your hands to it with his bandanna. "There, that's better, innit?" he said, sitting up and straddling your hips once again, looking at the sight of you in front of him.

He started to kiss down your body, biting and leaving marks wherever he could. Once he reached your abdomen, he moved down to your heat, placing wet, sloppy kisses to your heat once again. His tongue lapped at your folds, spreading around your arousal. His hands gripped your thighs and you pulled on your restraints, desperate to hold onto something as leverage.

Alex moved down to your entrance, sticking his tongue inside of you, beginning to fuck you with it. One of his hands moved to your abdomen to keep your hips down after you started to grind on his face again, and he started to rub on your clit with his thumb on that hand. He was making you feel so, so good, but then again, when didn't he make you feel amazing?

Your moans got louder as he rubbed on your clit and moved his tongue faster, gripping your thigh tightly with his other hand. Soon he removed his hands from you altogether and moved his tongue back to your folds, pressing down on your clit with it, instead using his fingers to fuck you, moving them in and out of you at an alarmingly fast rate. He never let you get used to a feeling for very long, alternating between pressing down on your clit and moving his fingers quickly to lapping at your folds and slowing his fingers.

As you kept tugging on your restraint, the headrest started to bang against the wall, the noise echoing through the room, filling it along with your moans and whimpers. You instinctively wrapped your legs around Alex's head, drawing him in closer. He chuckled against your skin, send vibrations up your body, tipping you over the edge.

You tugged harshly on your wrists, the waves of pleasure washing over you. You moaned loudly, tightening your legs around Alex's head, crying out his name over and over. "F-fuck, Alex, fuck," you whimpered.

You came down from your high, and you were so sure, positive even, that Alex had had enough and would give you a break, but no, he kept going, moving his fingers and lapping at your folds like nothing had happened. Because to him, nothing did happen, so he just kept on.

He moved his fingers faster, curling and twisting them deep inside of you, making you cry out his name. The feeling of his fingers stroking your walls just right, the feeling of his mouth covering you heat over and over made you feel an indescribable feeling of pleasure. You were absolutely positive that there was a mark on your wrists from Alex's bandanna and were sure that Alex had many various handprints decorating your body which would no doubt last at least a week, maybe even more.

Alex had begun to suck your clit into his mouth, occasionally pressing down on the sensitive bundle of nerves. Alex looked up at you, and your eyes met and he saw just how amazing he was making you feel and he smirked against your skin, and you could feel him do it too. HIs grip on your abdomen had loosened up quite a bit and you started to grind onto his face again, trying get his fingers to sink deeper into you, to get some sort of friction since he ceased all movement of his fingers. Surprisingly, he didn't make you stop, he just let you move your hips freely. allowing you to make yourself feel good on his fingers. Though, in the back of your mind you knew that he wasn't stopping you for a reason, no doubt planning another way to make you come undone for him by his own means, his own rules, and by his own doing.

You were so close, nearly there, just needed to feel him curl his fingers inside of you, which he did while you were moving your hips, one more time. You were just about to let go whenever he stopped, pulling away from your heat, removing his fingers, making you whimper, and he sat up, leaving you barely on the edge, your orgasm so close, but so far away as it began to fade away.

"Wh-what? N-no, no, Alex," you said, your need to let go growing quickly by every passing second, the need to feel him inside you growing as well. "What, doll? What do you need?" Alex asked as he moved over you, his arms keeping him above you.

"I-I need you," you whimpered, Alex's promise of saying that he was going to 'fuck you up' coming true.

"'ow bad do you need me?" he drawled, slowly kissing up your neck, biting down on a spot. You whimpered. "I need you s-so bad, Alex." He chuckled, thinking of something for a moment, quickly giving telling what you needed to do. "You want me, then spit in me mouth," he  said nonchalantly.

You were confused for a moment. You knew that he had a spitting kink, but he never showed any part of it in all the time that you two were together. You took a moment to think about it before you nodded and he opened his mouth and you spat in his mouth. You weren't proud of what you just did, but if it meant that Alex would fuck you, then you didn't care.

"Oh, and one more thing, baby ... you 'ave to promise me that you won't come until I say you can, okay?" Alex said. You nodded, how hard could that be?

He nodded in response before nudging your thighs apart with his hand and you sighed whenever he aligned himself up with your entrance, giving himself a few tugs before pushing inside you, bottoming out in two pushes. His head fell down on your shoulder, reveling in the feeling of your walls contracting around his cock, stretching to accommodate for his size.

Once he regained some sort of control, he pulled almost all the way out of you, slamming back inside you very quickly, starting to set a very, very fast pace. You pulled on your wrists again, hoping that maybe you'd loosened the knot that Alex had tied them in the bandanna with. You wanted your hands free of it, needed to touch him, to hold on to something, only if he would untie you.

His hands were firmly planted in the mattress beside your head, holding him up above you. You closed your eyes tightly, reveling in the way Alex's cock stroked your walls so good, but they quickly opened whenever Alex stopped moving. "Alex?" you asked, searching for his eyes.

"I want you to look at me the entire time, alright?" he said, and you quickly nodded, desperate for him to move again.

Alex started to move again, his eyes never once leaving your own. You tried your best to hold on, trying to fulfill his wish of you not to let go until he said so. But the feeling was getting to be too much for you, the knot forming in your stomach once again. The way he was stroking your oversensitive walls, thrusting into you hardly was enough for you, and you let go, eyes rolling into the back of your head, your walls contracting around Alex's cock, riding out your high.

Your moans filled the room and you came down from your high, opening your eyes. You were sure that Alex wouldn't give you anything else, wouldn't give you what you wanted having done the one thing he said not to do. You were panting heavily now, the feeling too overwhelming, too much for you to handle.

"Done?" he asked, raising his eyebrow at you.

"Yes," you managed to say, avoiding his eyes.

"Good," he said nonchalantly. Alex leaned down to kiss you, it wasn't a deep kiss, but instead it was a soft, slow, and passionate kiss, full of his love and adoration for you. He pulled away and pushed a piece of your hair out of your face, smiling down at you. "You think you can do one more, love?" he asked. You were tired and sore and worn out, having been pushed over the edge several times already and weren't fully sure if you could do one more, even though it was just one. But there was something about the way he asked you, the way he smiled, and you couldn't say no to him, especially with the way he was looking at you right now.

"Y-yeah, I can do one more," you choked out. Alex mumbled something incoherent before starting to move slowly. He knew how sensitive you were now and didn't want to do anything that might cause even the slightest bit of discomfort to you, but still making sure that you felt amazing.

The mood in the room had juristically changed. He was still dominant and had all the control, but he wasn't spitting out demands or teasing you anymore, just focused now on getting the two of you there, wanting you to feel good.

Though he didn't want to cause you discomfort, he did start to increase his pace, not by much, but going faster than before and one of his hands came down in between your bodies to rub light circles in sync with his thrusts on your clit, applying more pressure ever so slightly to it every now and then. He had just restarted his movements and you were already so close to the edge again. It took just one flick of your clit and Alex's cock nudging that spot inside you that had stayed unattended to before and that sent you spiraling.

Your walls contracted around his cock for the last time of the night, drawing him in, triggering his own release. You felt his cock twitch inside of you and you felt his hot release coat your walls as he groaned, the both riding out you highs. You felt pure euphoria and bliss once again as you came down, Alex coming down from his high as well, head falling on your shoulder. He laid on top of you for a few minutes, regaining some of his strength before pulling out of you with a sigh, laying down beside you. You were panting heavily, pulling on your wrists once again. "Alex," you sighed.

He looked at you, saying your name, looking you up and down, starring at your restraints. "Oh, I'll untie you," he said, reaching up and untying your wrists, throwing his scarf on the ground, pulling you close to him even though you were both hot, sweat pooling on Alex's forehead and chest.

"C'mere, me love," he said, holding you tightly. Even though you had come down from your orgasm, you were still panting heavily, trying to breath. "Hey, hey, breath, me love, breath. I've got you," Alex said calmly, rubbing your hair comfortingly.

You both sat there for a minute so that you could catch your breath. once you did catch your breath, you laid your head on Alex's chest. "I love you, Al," you said, looking up at him.

"I love you, too, me love," he said kissing you lovingly. "Are you alright? Did I 'urt you?"

You shook your head. "You could never hurt me, Alex," you said. "But, now I'm really tired and want to sleep, so can we talk in the morning?"

"Yeah, love, we can. Goodnight," Alex responded, pulling the duvet over you two. You told him goodnight and soon fell asleep in his arms, him following not long after you.

[ava-achlys]

The Boyz NSFW Scenarios

Lee Jaehyun (Hyunjae) - Intoxicated [Requested]

Request: dom Hyunjae + overstimulation

badboy! ceo! Hyunjae x PA! fem! reader

Warnings: petnames, dirty talk, slight degradation, a lot of grinding lol, some choking, Hyunjae is a narcissist here

Finally finished this one for @jaepocket ! Thanks for requesting, I hope you like it 💕hope you don't mind that I made Hyunjae an asshole lol

Work parties have taken a toll on your boss, and as the best personal assistant in the world, you help him home.

You kept a watchful eye over your boss throughout the Christmas party. Year-end parties were lined up back-to-back for the most influential entrepreneur under 30 in Seoul. Jaehyun was being extra charming tonight, wooing men and women alike with his dazzling smile, charisma, and powerful aura. He knew he was untouchable, and it showed in his walk. Long legs that could rival any model, perfectly coiffed light brown hair, and a designer tailored suit hugging him in all the right places, showing off his broad shoulders. He glances over to you, and shoots you a wry smile from across the room. No one else might have noticed, despite the fact that everyone who spoke to him couldn't take their eyes off him, but a subtle flush dusted his cheeks and there was a slight glassiness in his eyes that alerted you. Jaehyun has definitely had too much to drink. You stride over to him, and he politely excuses himself from the flock of older women giggling and sidling up to him, and meets you halfway on the dance floor.

He walks to you with a slight wobble, and reaches out to steady himself... by grabbing your hips. "Hey you," he grins, thumbs softly rubbing your waist through the thin material of your dress. You resist the shiver that runs down your spine, the warmth emanating from his hands a welcome sensation since the place was freezing. A mansion full of people and it was still cold? The hosts hadn't bothered to turn the heaters on. That's probably how the rich stay rich, you supposed. It definitely didn't help that you were wearing a skin-tight cocktail dress, with a little slit up the thigh. "Sir, I think you've had enough to drink tonight," you murmur, gently tucking a lock of golden hair back into place. Jaehyun grimaced. He had a glass of wine with every group that approached him that night, and he wasn't feeling too well now, considering everyone wanted to meet with the Lee Jaehyun™, one of Seoul's most prominent and eligible bachelors.

"Let's get you home then, sir, you really need some rest. Or rather, your liver does," you sigh, offering your arm for him to hold on to so he doesn't fall flat on his face in public, possibly ruining his reputation. He lets out a hearty laugh, and intertwines his arm with yours, trying to maintain a power walk out of the place, nodding at other party-goers that greet him in passing. He gratefully gulps the fresh air outside as you wait for his chauffeur to pull up in his stupidly expensive limousine, helping him to clamber gracefully into the backseat once it arrives. You're about to shut the door to book a ride home for yourself when he tugs on your arm, a blazing fire in his eyes as he looks up at you, and you know he wants you to come home with him tonight.

You glance around quickly, making sure no one is watching you get into the car with him, but really, who would question a PA ensuring that her drunken boss gets home safely? You quietly slip into the plush leather seats, leaving a space between you two just in case he feels stuffy or nauseous. Jaehyun roughly loosens his tie, and you can't help but stare at his large, veiny hands. Before you can snap out of it, he catches your eye and smirks, using those very hands to yank you closer, almost sitting on his lap. You yelp in surprise, your hands flying up to his broad shoulders. He smashes his lips onto yours, messy with tongue and teeth and a moan escapes you when you taste the sweet alcohol on his tongue. His warm hands roam all over your body, deftly pulling up the hem of your short dress so he can run his hands up your thighs and grope your plump behind. "Been staring at your ass all night, who said you could wear a dress like this?" he growls against your lips, squeezing the flesh tightly to prove his point.

You weakly push him away, and he stares at you, offended that you don't seem to want him, when you're usually so pliant and obedient for him. "I don't think we should do this, sir, you're not thinking straight," you stutter. Jaehyun barks out a laugh, startling you. "Am I? I'm not drunk, kitten, I only spoke and acted like that so we could get out of that damned party. And maybe I'm not thinking straight, because all I've been thinking about the whole time is ripping that fucking dress off your body, you fucking minx," he snarls, grabbing you again and manhandling you to straddle his lap, sounding completely clear and level-headed. He had everyone fooled; even you, and a crushing disappointment engulfs your heart.

You don't get to feel sorry for yourself though, because Jaehyun is pulling you close, grinding the obvious bulge in his slacks against your clothed pussy as he makes out with you again. You let him run his hands all over you, feeling his lips trail down the side of your lips and down your neck, smudging your lipstick everywhere. Jaehyun doesn't care, clearly, he just wants to make a mess out of you, and you gladly let him, both of you so absorbed in each other that you didn't feel the car roll to a stop. You hadn't even noticed the opaque partition had been pulled up until you heard the electronic buzz of it being lowered, and the indifferent voice of the chauffeur came through. "We've arrived at your destination, sir and miss."

Without so much as a thank you, Jaehyun flings the door open and tugs you into the building's lobby. He owns the whole building obviously, but he lives in the penthouse suite, swiping his keycard to unlock his private elevator. He wastes no time attaching his lips to the back of your neck as he presses you up against the walls of the elevator, grinding on your ass the whole way up. He leaves you panting when the doors open, and he goes to punch in his keycode. The lock beeps, and Jaehyun snarls when he's halfway through the door and you're still lagging behind, knees too wobbly to walk properly thanks to his earlier ministrations. "What are you waiting for kitten?" You shake your head, embarrassed that sloppy make-outs and grinding like lovesick teenagers is enough to make your head spin.

Jaehyun strides towards the bedroom, stripping his expensive clothes as he went, but instead of making a right turn to the master bedroom as he usually does, he makes a left to the guest bedroom. You don't have time to ponder, because he's pulling you in and shoving you onto the bed, dark eyes staring you down as he fumbles with his belt. The intensity of his gaze makes you tremble. Is it from fear, excitement, or a morbid combination of both? He finally gets all his clothes off, and his hard cock is swinging heavily with every step he takes towards the bed. He prowls, like a predator, and you're too petrified to even strip or prepare yourself, but apparently that didn't matter to him.

"You still on the pill?" Jaehyun demands, and you nod feverishly. "Good." And with that he rips your lacy panties off in one fluid motion, and hikes your dress up to bunch up around your waist. You hear the material rip, but before you could bemoan the hefty price tag, Jaehyun slides his throbbing cock inside you, making you arch your back as you moan loudly at the intrusion. He gives you barely any time to adjust, knowing how much you like taking it raw, and starts thrusting harshly. You can't help but moan loudly, almost going cross-eyed from the mixture of pain and pleasure. You clamp a hand over your mouth when a particularly shrill moan slips from your lips, but Jaehyun tugs it away, wanting to hear how good he makes you feel. It's nothing more than an ego boost for him, but you comply.

Jaehyun gets sick of missionary fairly quickly. He does enjoy seeing your pretty face contort with pleasure, and watch your makeup run. But he likes fucking you from the back even more, loves the way you get on all fours for him, loves the way your ass jiggles when he spanks you, and loves how your legs give way when he's done making you see stars. He pulls out for a moment, flipping you over onto your hands and knees easily, ignoring the surprised gasp you make when he shoves his cock back into you. He picks up the pace, hitting your g-spot dead-on with this new angle. He wraps a hand around your throat, the expensive gold bands adorning his fingers pressing delightfully into your windpipe. He squeezes lightly as he slams into your core, and you scream, climaxing without warning.

The sudden clench around Jaehyun's dick has him swearing lowly. "Did I say you could cum, kitten? You know you have to ask for permission," he grunts, fucking you through your orgasm, maintaining his relentless pace. Your head is foggy, and you try to apologize, but every sharp thrust Jaehyun makes cuts your words off. He doesn't let up, using you to chase his own climax, slightly aggravated by yours. He presses down the middle of your shoulder blades, pushing you down further into the sheets so you're not holding yourself up with your hands anymore. You're grateful, because you can barely support yourself anymore, and you need a break. Except he doesn't give you one, hoisting you up by the hips to pummel even faster and harder into you, and your upper half is practically dragging along the sheets with every snap of his hips.

The delightfully torturous graze of silk sheets against your raw nipples, and the rough pads of Jaehyun's fingers relentlessly abusing your swollen clit sends you teteering close to the edge again. You can't cum, no, you won't cum until he tells you to. You want to be good for him, even though you're so close to climax again that it hurts. You hold out, gripping the sheets so hard that your knuckles turn white, when a particularly hard press against your clit and a low growl of "Cum for me now, kitten" sends you screaming once more, vision turning white as your searing-hot orgasm rips through your body.

You barely register Jaehyun's groan as he continues grinding into your g-spot, your pussy clenching almost painfully tightly around him, milking his cock dry as he blows his load deep into your warmth. You collapse forward onto the bed, trembling from exhaustion, chest heaving desperately to replenish your lungs with oxygen. Your whole body is sore and you know it's probably going to be worse tomorrow, and dark fingerprints are going to decorate your skin too. Above you, Jaehyun is still holding your hips up, pulling out of you with a grunt, cock hanging limply as he pants harshly. He watches idly as his cum drips out of your abused cunt, trickling down your legs, and drops your legs unceremoniously.

He stretches his legs, and gathers his sweat-drenched, possibly cum-stained designer clothing off the floor as he walks towards the door. "Clean yourself up, you know where everything is. I need you in the office early tomorrow morning." Jaehyun utters without so much as a glance back at your naked body, and the door shuts behind him with a loud click that echoes through the suddenly cold room. You hear him humming to himself and drawing a bath, and you shut your eyes, trying to suppress a sob at how horrible you feel, both physically and emotionally. Sex with Jaehyun was always hot, rough and mind-blowing, but recently you realize you always felt empty afterwards. Because he'll immediately turn cold once he's gotten his fix, leaving you to clean up after yourself and sometimes even make you hail a cab to go home afterwards. At least tonight he let you stay over, even though it's in the cum-stained bed in the guest room, without any post-coital care.

As you lay there, fresh hot tears stream down your cheeks, and you wonder if all the alcohol in the world could wash away the pain you felt of being used as Jaehyun's personal fucktoy; manipulating you into catering to his every whim and then carelessly throwing you aside once he's done.

[221bshrlocked]

Eyes on Me

Pairing: The Thief x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Oral (female receiving).

Words: 3320

A/N: @ezrasbirdie threatened me with a good time (and fucking delivered) and steal your heart is taking a while because I want it to be perfect so I had to retaliate with something tonight. This is to all the Pedro Whores out there, including me. RIP. Sorry it's tame, I'm saving all the filth to the series ;)

There was something different about the show tonight. You weren't sure what it was, or if it had to do with the several important names your friends kept throwing out every time they spoke to one of the security guards. It was never this nerve-wrecking to perform, especially when it was such an elegant performance and not the usual risque programs you were so used to being a part of. You danced during the opening and you were due to enter once more towards the end with only a few others before the final piece.

As you were changing your make-up, you couldn't help but overhear one of the girls nearby gushing about a certain guest. It was always irritating to hear all of that noise and you prided yourself in never being one to gossip about the after parties or who would be there. But you were intrigued, and not because they kept on saying how rich and mysterious this man was. It was the fact that no one knew his real name. Not one person in the industry ever had the pleasure of being in his inner circle and even those who were close to him only received a pseudonym. The only name the world had for him was El Diablo. You chuckled as they kept on gushing about how dangerous and hot it sounded because only a narcissist with an ego the size of Alaska would ever call himself that. Did he not realize how ridiculous it sounded?

Before you could ask them if he would be in the after party of the Opera House's owner, you were ushered onto stage once more. Probably for the best you didn't take part in this now...

As you made your way through backstage, you were about to preparing to enter onto the stage when a man bumped into you, almost throwing you onto the ground with how firm and broad he felt. As you stood up and cleaned your fragile dress, you felt your chest rising in anger with how close he came to ripping your costume and ruining the event.

"My god can you watch where you're going nex-" The words died in your throat, along with the heat rising up your chest, as soon as you looked up and saw who bumped into you. Your eyes widened in shock at how sinfully handsome this stranger was and before you could even stop yourself, you were apologizing profusely. From the looks of his attire, you were sure he was one of the important guests tonight and you feared that you would lose your job on spot.

"Sir I am so sorry I- I didn't see where I was walking and I am about to get on stage and...oh god, please- I I didn't..I'm-" Your stuttered through an apology and felt tears forming in your eyes when you were met with a pair of piercing brown orbs staring right back at you.

"Please, the fault was all mine hermosa. I was so busy admiring everything behind the scenes that I didn't notice the most breathtaking of jewels coming towards me. Are you alright, have I hurt you in any way?" His deep voice was like a siren's song and you parted your lips in a haze when he stepped closer to you and checked to make sure you weren't hurt. Had anyone else said such words to you, you have laughed in their face because no on could ever speak that way and make it sound sensual. And yet, here he was.

"I- I umm...no."

"I would hate to cause harm to such a beautiful little flower as yourself. Please, forgive me. I do not think the show would be remotely as good if you are not a part of it." He says again and you realize instantly how much trouble you're in because in the span of thirty seconds, he has said things to you that you've never heard in your entire life, things that you only read about in books.

"Me? I- I'm just one dancer." You try to laugh it off, thinking he was just being awfully nice but when his smile drops and he steps into your space again, you quiet down and close your lips.

"No, that is not true little star." Before you can say anything, he's grabbing your hands and raising them to his lips, never once breaking eye contact as he laid soft kisses on each wrist.

"T-thank you sir."

"I can assure you the pleasure was all mine bebita. Now go on, I cannot be the cause of your delay, the show cannot lose you." You miss him before he even backs away from you and you notice the way he clasps his hands behind his back tightly, as if he was trying to deny himself another touch of you. As you shake your head to try to remember the steps to the dance, it occurs to you that you haven't even asked him what his name is. When you turn around to do so, he is already gone, and you silently swear to yourself because he managed to take your breath away with just a handful of words.

As the show goes on, you force every muscle in your body to focus on the performance and not the way the stranger smiled at your or how his cologne and natural musk put you in a daze. By the time you're all on stage and enjoying the standing ovation, you feel like you're being watched but you throw the thought aside when you remember that the hundreds in the audience are, in fact, staring at you. As you move to leave the stage, you allow your eyes to roam the top private booths and your heart ceases to beat when you instantly see your stranger form earlier sitting by himself and looking your way. You think that perhaps it is your imagination but when he lowers his binoculars and smiles at you, you know that he was returning your gaze. You can't take your eyes off of him and almost trip over your steps when he leans forward and doesn't try to hide the way he's eyeing you. God, how was it possible to be so enamored by someone you've met only for a few minutes?

You don't have too much time to dwell on the brief glimpse, however, because as soon as you're back in the changing rooms, your director is asking you to dress quickly so you could make it to the after party in time.

"Hey, I'll just use the bathroom quickly okay?" You tell one of your friends before you enter the room and shake your head in irritation when she holds you back by your shoulder.

"Oh I know that excuse. You said that last time before you ditched us for that stupid movie."

"Casablanca is not stupid and I promise I'll be back, I just really need to go." She narrows her eyes at you for a moment before she nods and lets you go.

As you make your way through the now empty hallways of the building, you can't help but think back to the man who bumped into you and managed to occupy all of your thoughts for the night. It was strange how deeply you already felt for him, as if he was your soulmate from another lifetime. But no, that couldn't be. Men this perfect and mysterious and kind only existed in fairytales. So busy thinking of when you might meet him again, you don't hear one of the side rooms opening and revealing someone. You look up just in time to see him leaving the room and fixing his hair.

"Oh." You don't know what else to say but thankfully, the stranger doesn't give you any room to think of something else because as soon as he notices you staring at his plump lips, he takes three strides towards you and takes once of your wrists before leading you back to the room and shutting it behind him.

"I-"

"Little flower, I must tell you something and I hope you can forgive me." He's at least five feet away from you and even though you're thankful for the distance he's created, you can't help but feel a little hurt that he doesn't want to be close to you.

"Y-yes?"

"I lied to you earlier tonight, when I ran into you." You try to think back to anything that he's said but nothing comes up, causing you to question him again. You take a step closer to him and sigh in relief when he doesn't move away.

"Oh?"

"I- I did it on purpose bebita. I have seen your past two performances and I couldn't stop thinking about you, how you move so elegantly, how you dance like a butterfly that has mastered fluttering in a garden of roses. You plague my mind every minute of every day querida, and I dream of you every night, of having you to myself, kissing every inch of your skin, worshiping you until you can no longer stand the pleasure. I'm...forgive me, I have- I know how this must sound but...I couldn't lie to you again. Please." He pleads with you lowly, clenching his jaw and fisting his hands tightly to prevent himself from reaching towards you and pulling you into his arms.

You feel a multitude of emotions wash over you at his declaration. You're not sure if you should be angry at being lied to so effortlessly and a little voice in your mind tells you to run, to not tie yourself to someone who was so charming and dangerous. But with the way he's looking at you, as if you were the most precious jewel to ever come into existence, easily makes you set aside all of those intruding thoughts. You unclasp your hands and slowly walk towards him, your throat drying quickly when you notice the way he's staring at the floor, expecting rejection.

When you're only a hairbreadth away from him, you raise your hands and rest them on his chest, biting into your cheek when you feel how warm and firm he feels beneath the velvet suit jacket. You swallow the lump in your throat and force yourself to look into his eyes. When you do meet his gaze, it's like everything has fallen into place so perfectly, every step you took to get to his moment, every little mistake and perfected twirl that brought you to this Opera House. All of it makes sense and you pray to God that he can understand what you're trying to say with your eyes.

"Little flower, I- you should know, if I take you into my arms, I will never let you go. I will fight the heavens to keep you forever." You should be scared by his words, you should excuse yourself and run far far away from someone who was so intense and unforgiving in their words. But something tells you that he might be worth staying.

"I'm yours." Giving yourself completely to someone shouldn't revolve around two simple words, and yet, as soon as you say them, you feel like a genuine star from above. Not because this stranger was reciprocating his affections, far from it, but because of the way your words seemed to affect him. You never thought that a genuine smile could look like a fallen star, if that's what you could even call it, but that's what it was to you. His lips widen in a deep smile that pointed to two dimples which you wished you could kiss over and over again.

"You mean that mi alma?" He asks one last time, wanting to make sure that he wasn't forcing you into anything and that he was in fact hearing you correctly.

"Please," you plead one last time and moan in ecstasy when you feel two strong arms wrap around your waist and pull you into a passionate kiss. It's an instantaneous reaction, the way you melt into his arms and allow him to take whatever he wants, and it feels more exhilarating than an opening night of a new performance.

"Little flower," he pulls away for a second to attack your jaw and neck with wet kisses, growling into your skin when you slip your fingers into his long locks and tug on it while you moan for him.

"Will you let me taste you? Please cariño, I- I need to have you. Por favor mi flor." You'd think he was begging for the most expensive delicacy in the word but it's just you, and you pray that you never get used to how desperate and needy he sounds for you.

"Yes, please...take- take anything you want from me sir. I'm- oh god...oh g-god yes-" Your breath hitches when he backs you into the couch and pushes you onto it before he kneels in front of you.

"But my- my dress?"

"Don't worry bebecita, I will buy you a thousand more. Whatever your heart desires, it's yours. All yours. Just let me taste your pretty little cunt." You almost choke on your saliva when you hear the vulgar words leave his mouth and as you nod shyly, you brace yourself for the onslaught of attention that he was surely about to give you. There is no time to prepare because in an instant, he's removing the sheer leggings down your legs along with your panties. You bite into your wrist when you see him pushing them into the pocket of his surely expensive suit and as you try to ask him what he's choosing to keep him in his pocket, he winks up at you before he dives below the skirt of the dress. You almost jump in shock and overstimulation as soon as you feel his lips wrap so deliciously around your outer lips and your hands shoot instantly for his hair and pull on it when you feel two fingers push into your wet heat.

"Oh- oh my god, fuck please...yes, y-yes!" You're screaming incoherently and gripping his hair tightly, surely to the point were it's painful, but it only spurs him on further and he haunches his body completely against yours to prevent you from removing yourself from him. You're a shaking mess in seconds, and you fight to breathe every time you feel him shove his thick fingers into your cunt and pull them out along with your juices. He's growling and heaving against your skin and you find his need to pleasure you and make you see stars more of a turn on than what he's actually doing.

"Cum for me little flower, drench my fucking face." He orders once before he shoves his tongue deep into your wet pussy again, rotating between kiss your clit and sucking on it when he feels you begin to shake in his arms. He can't believe he can finally have you writhing underneath him so willingly and beautifully and as soon as he feels you clenching around him tightly, he adds a third finger.

"But- your...your suit-"

"I don't care about the fucking suit, make a mess of it. I'll wear it proudly and show everyone how good I can make you feel. Fucking cum on me and drench my suit baby. I want it, need it." He pulls away for a moment, and you look at him through heavy lidded eyes as he continues to ram his fingers in and out of you. He can tell you're enjoying his words because you tighten your grasp around his hair as soon as you hear him say that he would wear your cum on him wherever he goes like it was the most normal of things.

"That's it love, cum. Now!" He moans the last order just as he descends on your overused cunt and as soon as you feel the scruff of his face scratching your inner thighs, your back arches off of the couch and you cum on his tongue, body shaking violently as his fingers refuse to let up. A string of heat uncoils in the pit of your stomach the more he licks your clit and before you can warn him, you're gushing on his face and marking his velvet jacket. You swear you could hear a little chuckle escape his beautiful lips but you couldn't care less about it as he brings you down from your high with shallow and soft thrusts of his fingers. As he stops, you remember how painful it must be for him that your hands are still combed into his hair and you force yourself to remove them, covering your eyes instead to try and hide behind them.

"Never hide from me hermosa, always keep your eyes on me. Please," he smirks when he sees you flush underneath his piercing gaze and he pushes your skirt down before he stands and puts his three fingers into his mouth.

"I knew you'd taste sweet bebita, but I didn't think you'd taste like an exquisite flower." The compliment is too forward and you can't look away from him even when he laps at his fingers like a starved man.

"Thank you my little star, for giving me the pleasure of, well, pleasuring you." He's a little cocky with the way he says those last words and you smile at him before you try to stand up. As soon as you're off the couch, your legs turn into jello and you almost fall. But like earlier, warm hands wrap around you easily and pull you into a firm chest and you thank him quietly before you try to right yourself.

"Come with me? I am hosting an after party for your company and I would like to enter with you around my arms. You- you don't have to of course, but I- I would really like it if-" You're confused by the sudden shyness that overtakes him but you find it endearing nonetheless, the fact that someone who managed to make you cum in minutes could stand here and feel awkward while trying to invite you.

"Yes, I'll go with you." You take hold of his hands and nod at him, turning away when you see him throwing you that dashing smile again.

"I- I didn't get your name." You ask as the two of you turn around to exit the room and the sudden stop in his movements makes you question whether it was okay to ask him for his name or not.

"I will tell you my name soon mi alma." He turns around and swipes a hair away from your face, hoping that you wouldn't push him further right now.

"When?" You can't help but ask and you bite your lip when he raises an eyebrow at you before he pinches your chin.

"When I have you in my bed begging for my cock cariño," he laughs at how quickly you avoid his gaze again, loving the way you seemed to act so innocent around vulgar words when he literally just had his tongue in your cunt.

"I promise I will tell you my name little flower, but I want it to be special. When you and I are finally in each others' arms." He says more sincerely this time and deepens his soft expression when you nod and kiss his knuckles.

"So, what should I call you until then?" You ask as he leads you out of the room and down the hallway. As he takes you back to the changing rooms which have been emptied completely, you look at him questioningly again, hoping that he would give you something to call him because you couldn't just continue to say 'sir.' Although that wouldn't be such a bad idea...

"For now darling, you may call me El Diablo."

[witchygagirlwrites]

Cant Love You Back

*Not My Gif*

Because the song was stuck in my hand and apparently I am a fucking narcissist that loves pain so here ya go. @gottaboopthesnoot

There was a time in Kelly's life he was simply coasting through. He'd bust his ass at work then either go home to an empty apartment or go get drunk and go home with a girl whose name he had forgotten by the time he left her place. 

That changed the day Chief Boden announced fifty one was getting a new addition. You stood at the front of the room as Boden introduced you. Kelly offered you his hand and from the moment you smiled at him he felt something start to flutter inside him he had never dreamt of giving the light of day.

You fit in as if you'd been a part of the team from the start. Everyone that met you seemed to be drawn to you, Kelly worse of all. He'd find himself scanning for you after a tough call just to see for himself you were fine. After shift would end he'd make any excuse to spend more time with you 

--------------------

"So when are you gonna bite the bullet and ask her out?" Matt asked after watching Kelly follow you around like a puppy for two solid months. 

When Kelly cut his eyes at him he raised both hands defensively "Just saying man. It's painfully obvious how you feel. I can't blame you she's a great woman and beautiful. I think she feels the same but you're her Lieutenant and she's not going to admit anything that may make her seem as if she's ladder climbing" 

"That you or Gabby talking?" Kelly asked looking out into the bay where you were currently helping Gabby and Sylvie restock their rig. "Little bit of both. I'm just saying Kelly you've changed since she got here and it's not bad changes. Go with your gut. It's never led you wrong" 

Kelly felt Matt patt his shoulder before hearing his footsteps walk away. Had he changed that much since meeting you? When he thought about it he didn't remember the last time he'd drank over a couple beer and he'd been content with an empty bed knowing he'd see you the following shift 

You threw him off balance in the best way possible. You wouldn't blink an eye going into a fire but volunteered in the n.i.c.u. on your days off. You were a perfect combination of that fire he'd always crave and the peace that he desperately needed.

Hearing your laughter drew him out his thoughts and he glanced up to see you walking into the common room laughing about something Slyvie had said. When your eyes met his you smiled even further "Hey Kelly" "Hey Y/N can i talk to you for a minute?" The moment he asked Slyvie and Gabby shared a look then made up some excuse to be scarce.

"What's up?" You asked smiling up at him and Jesus christ he felt like a teenager with their first crush "You think you may wanna grab dinner with me sometime?" "Kelly Severide are you asking me out?" You questioned and he nearly blushed "Yeah?" You took a step closer to him and leaned up to leave a kiss on his cheek "good cause I am doing absolutely nothing Friday night and I have a new outfit sitting in my closet that desperately needs to see the light of day" 

"About frickin time!" Both of you both turned when you heard Mouch who was sitting on the couch watching t.v. but it was apparent he'd seen your exchange. "Excuse me?" You asked with a laugh so Mouch shrugged "I had the two and a half month mark in the betting pool" 

Your mouth fell open in shock and Kelly couldn't help but laugh when you recovered enough to say "That's it! I'm calling sergeant Platt!" and Mouch started backtracking trying his best to apologize but you winked at Kelly then ran off already dialing on your phone.

--------------------

Kelly pulled up in front of your apartment building around seven and slowly walked inside. Your apartment was on the second floor so headed for the elevator while he sent you a text that he was on the way up.

By the time he stepped off the elevator you were standing in the hall waiting on him. You were wearing black ankle boots with a black dress and a red leather jacket. Your hair was down in loose curls around your face and he'd never seen a more beautiful sight. "Wow" he breathed and a smile spread across your face "Does that mean you like?" He nodded quickly "Very much"

--------------------

The night went by too quick in Kelly's opinion. The two of you went to dinner and a movie then stopped at Molly's for a drink before he took you home. When he walked in with his arm around your waist it just felt right. Otis slid two drinks across the bar with a smile "These are from Mouch and Trudy"  you leaned back in your seat and spotted the two so you raised your bottle to them with a smile then turned back to Kelly "So Severide I was going to wait until you take me home but you owe me a kiss. I mean i technically kissed you first"

"Is that right?" He asked with a smirk that only deepened when you said "oh yeah definitely. I mean I've heard that you're some sort of ladies man yet all night the furthest you've went is home my hand or putting your arm around me" he cut you off mid sentence with a kiss. The kiss was gentle, barely a brush of the lips but when he pulled back a smile was on both of your faces "So does that mean this is going to be more than one date?" He asked and was answered by you grabbing the collar of his shirt and pulling him in for another kiss. 

-------------------------

The first time you told Kelly you loved him was after a huge fight between the two of you. You'd been staying at his place more and more so he was on the verge of asking you to move in but it just so happened a friend of yours had stopped by the firehouse to catch up. That friend just so happened to be male and Kelly's jealousy flared up.

The night had ended with you storming out of his apartment slamming the door behind you. You didn't answer any of his calls or texts and when he came over to your place you opened the door long enough to say "Kelly if you care about me at all you'll leave"

The next day he was miserable walking into fifty one. He spotted your car and prayed you'd talk to him but you stayed close to either Gabby and Sylvie or once they left on a call you walked over to where Herrman was sitting and struck up a conversation with him.

A call came out for an apartment fire with civilians trapped. Kelly was watching you take your orders from Matt and wanted nothing more than to tell you to be safe before you went  in but didn't want to distract you if you were still upset.  You started to walk past him but stopped just long enough to say "I love you Kelly" then jogged to catch up with your crew who were headed in. He had just a few seconds to process what you'd said before heading in the other entrance with Cruz.

The moment the building was cleared you were outside helping roll the hoses up. Kelly had just got through talking with Matt and chief Boden when he saw you. He caught your hand when you bent down to pick up another hose and the moment your eyes met his he said "I love you too. I'm sorry i was a jealous asshole. I've just never felt this way" you rolled your eyes but the smile you had told him all he needed to know even before you said "Good because neither have I. I'm not going anywhere Kelly" 

----------------------

You and Kelly were coming up on your two year anniversary. Your present had been sitting in the top drawer of his dresser for weeks. Gabby had went with him to help pick out what cut and style of ring she thought you'd like and of course she'd somehow managed to find out your ring size as well.

He had everything planned. Where he was going to take you, what he was going to say. The thing about plans is that sometimes the unexpected happens.

--------------------

The call had been simple enough. A warehouse had caught fire on the south side. You'd went in with Matt to clear the base floor where a few workers were trapped. You were following close behind Matt "Fire Department call out!" The haze of smoke was bad enough you could barely see in front of you.

You took another step and heard the crack right before your footing gave way. One moment you were falling the next you felt a sharp pain rip through your abdomen. You looked down to see a piece of rebar sticking out an inch above your navel. Your hands were shaking as you touched the wound trying to apply pressure but the slightest movement ripped a scream from your lips. "Y/N!" You could hear Matt's voice and knew you just had to hold on.

A moment later you heard him across the radio "Floor collapsed. Y/N's hurt. I need assistance" when his face appeared next to you the look on your face told you everything you needed to know about your injury. "Matt if something happens. Help Kelly please" you begged him your only thoughts being what would happen to the man you loved. Gabby told you how bad he'd gotten about Shay had been killed. You didn't want him falling in that hole. "Hey don't talk like that. You'll be fine. Your anniversary is in two weeks you'll be on your feet by then" 

Matt's hand found yours and gripped it tight. You could hear voices and knew everyone was working their way to you.

Kelly was fighting to get inside to your side but Boden called him back "You'll be in the way. Let them get her out then you can ride with them to med" it took everything in him to not argue. The moment he saw Cruz and Capp emerge he ran to your side feeling himself weaken when he saw how severely injured you were.

"Hey baby" you managed weakly as he climbed into the ambulance next to you while Gabby worked to stop the flow of blood. "Hey beautiful" he said with a smile that was marred by the tears flowing down his face. Every bump the ambulance hit caused a grimace to flash across your face. "Kelly I don't want to die" you whispered right as your grip on his hand loosened and the heart monitor on you flat lined. 

--------------------

"If love could have saved Y/N she would have lived forever. Love from her aunt and uncle who raised her, from her family at firehouse fifty one and from her loving boyfriend. Sadly fate as it seemed had other plans. We don't know why she was taken from us so soon and as we grieve today may the loving warmth of her spirit live on in all of us she held close" 

Kelly sat in the front of the church staring at the photo of you that had been chosen. Those eyes he loved looking into that never opened again after you whispered how you didn't want to die. That smile that always made even his worse day better that he'd never see again. He never got to ask you to marry him. He never got to see you pregnant with his child. He'd never get to tell you again just how much you meant to him.

He'd love you every day for the rest of his life. If only he could manage to love you back to this world then maybe his heart wouldn't feel like it had been ripped out his chest the moment you took your last breath.

[eccl3ctic0n3]

This Is My Personal Testimony of How God Found Me When I Was Lost.

I Am A Witness and My Testimony is of Jesus Christ the living Word of God

What you FEEL and what you THINK are valid and extremely powerful as these are the things you BELIEVE to be TRUTH thus this is your REALITY!

This is your belief system. Unless you suffer from mental illness therapy and counseling can be very helpful. Just talking about it and getting it off your chest is therapeutic in itself. No matter if it is a friend or a therapists getting things out instead of bottling them up and holding them in is great relief.

I was diagnosed bipolar type I when I was 23 years old. I am 41 now and it has only been in the last 5 years that I have been able to overcome, heal, grow, and experience breakthrough.

Traumatic experiences such as verbal, mental, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse to losing a loved one or friend has a lifelong affect. Therapy and medicine are just tools to help you and give you the skills, knowledge, and some understanding, so you can cope and learn how to manage with the pain and symptoms that remain.

I don't know who needs to hear this but I am telling you from 18 years of personal experience. Actually, 41 years as its only been 18 since I began treatment. Where doctors and medicine failed me for 13 years God did not fail me. I got lab ratted on all that time with powerful psychiatric medications. I spiraled out of control and my behavior landed me in the psychiatric ward of prison in the infirmary. 10 weeks I was locked in solitary confinement on 24 hour lock. I was deemed incompetent and unfit to stand trial. I was looking at two F1 Felonies with sentences from 5-99 years each. For 10 weeks I literally lost my mind and was experiencing full blown psychosis. It was in an instant that God found me and restored me to sanity. I did not find God. He found me.

I was lost and could not tell the difference between my dreams and reality. I slept in 15 minute intervals. In one dream I dreamt that I murdered my two children. I bashed my daughters head into the wall. My reality was this place I was in where no other person is visible was like a purgatory and I was awaiting my judgment to be thrown into hell.

I was on my knees in my boxers bleeding from my head and knuckles. I was head butting and punching the walls. As I was on my knees I was singing, ''My Girl, My Girl, Talkin Bout, My Girl." I was only thinking of my daughter and that I was never going to see her again.

The guy in a cell next to me screamed, " Shut the fuck up!" I just screamed back and told him to come on over and shut me up. What was he going to do we are in solitary confinement. 😅

I lost track of time and I was still singing and I began to cry out to God. Literally bawling and begging I screamed for God to help me. Don't you know the guy who cursed me came to my door and asked me to call his momma for him to bail him out. I laughed and said ain't you the same mother fucker who told me to shut up? Before he answered I just said whatever! Just write the number on a piece of paper and slide it under my door and I will get to it.

Mind you that for those 10 weeks I could not even read or use the telephone because I just didn't know how. The hands on the clock just spun round and round. Still on my knees sobbing I noticed the piece of paper slide under my door. I forgot all about it and I couldn't read or use a phone anyway. But I looked closer and I seen the red writing. This guy tore the last page of his bible out to write the number on. The red writing just caught my eyes and the first thing I seen was this. Revelations 22:16 I Jesus, have sent My angel to you to testify in the churches. I am the Root and Offspring of David, the Bright and Morning Star. As fast as you could snap your fingers I realized that I could read first of all. I then noticed I felt completely normal. I was just wondering wtf am I doing in my boxers bleeding on this floor? 😅 I got up took a shower and cleaned up. The guard came by and stopped giving me a strange look and asked if I was ok. I just said Im fine Im waiting on lunch its almost noon. I could read the time cause the hands stopped spinning.

Finally I got to use the phone and I called home and asked how long I was there. I said 2 weeks? My mom said you been there almost 3 months. I did 6 months and got both charges dropped down to a misdemeanor and 4 years probation. 2 years was deferred. I literally signed out of jail on a PR Bond. No fines, fees, or court costs at all.

That was 5 years ago in October. I never could forget or deny what happened. I knew immediately what the verse meant and what I was told to do. So I have done it this entire time everyday almost on social media.

I had never read a bible before and I was far away from God. I was really on the fence about the whole Jesus thing. What I know now and I knew at that moment was this. Jesus is God! He is the Father, the Son of God, and the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of God and of Christ. There is only one. Omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and Sovereign Lord over all of creation.

I believe the words of the verse exactly for what they said. He sent an angel to me which is a ministering spirit and a messenger. I got the message loud and clear. So I do exactly as He has told me to.

It has been 5 years and I have not even had a cold. My doctor is weaning me off medications. It was by no means an easy 5 years at all. I suffered with overcoming addiction and the mental illness symptoms I was and still am learning to cope and manage.

There is one thing I learned in addition to all these things since then in talk therapy. I was raised by two narcissistic, one mentally ill, and completely abusive except sexually.

After all those years and all those medications and numerous doctors did not do for me what the Great Physician did in a moment of time.

Don't get me wrong. God has revealed to me that He has gifted these doctors, nurses, therapists, and the scientists or chemists that make these medications. Give or take these crooked sons of bitches.

Just know that God is Hope. Faith or Belief and any good thing at all about man is of God. He is Love. How is Jesus God? All things are possible with God. Just trust Him. Don't worry or be afraid. He has commanded us to be strong and courageous for He is with us wherever we go. He will never leave us or forsake us. He is faithful to keep His word. If He said it. He meant it. It is the Truth. Jesus said His words are Spirit and Truth. These words are Life and Jesus is the Way. The one and only true living God is the living Word of God. He was manifest in the flesh. The holy bible has been tampered with by man and today even more with hundreds of versions. However, man is foolish to think he could ever stop the Power of the Spirit and Truth that is the Word of God Jesus Christ.

Is the Father the Son or the Spirit? Is He 3 in one or one in 3? Don't split hairs with vain debates and argumentative subjects that no man can answer. There are simply things of God that man will never understand. Our finite minds cannot imagine, fathom, dream, or even comprehend the great things of God. He just said don't trip. I got this. Be still and know. Trust Me and Believe In Me. Have Faith! Never give up Hope. Without Hope this Life has no purpose and we have meaning at all. There is just certain death. Then we are worm food.

If it is all just a big story and we die only to find out that's it just black and nothing then fine with me. If we die and it is true and we chose not to simply believe and have the faith the size of a mustard seed. We'd be cursing ourselves not God from hell forever. We would know He was right and we have no defense or a word to say before the righteous Judge.

Life and death. Facts. Choose life or death. It is the most logical, reasonable, sane, and simple choice for anyone in their right mind. So anyone who says its blind faith and completely disregards facts, logic, or reason. You know just as God says. He has used the foolishness of this world for His wisdom. He makes those who are wise in their own eyes, puffed up with pride, and too stubborn or hard hearted to simply admit they do not know. Men fear what they do not know. Rightfully so. You should fear God. Both revere and be a very afraid of the One that can take your life and cast your soul into hell. He gives and takes away. Simple as that.

So remember no matter what the situation or circumstances shit is just temporary. All good things must come to an end. As do the bad. So suck it up, be strong and courageous. Has He not commanded us? He is with you wherever and nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.

To anyone suffering right now I am by no means minimizing your pain. I feel you 1000% You don't have to believe a word from me. Just know there is someone who is always with you and you are not helpless or alone. You may be weak and in complete darkness that seems like hell. God is light in the darkness. He has the keys to death and hell. So weather life or death, heaven or hell. You gotta trust and believe in Jesus. If not it is your own doing. Most of our problems are self inflicted we bring em on ourselves.

This may be the hardest part for me to tell someone in depression just dwelling and can't let go. Do you know what depression is. It is YOUR THOUGHTS and YOUR FEELINGS. It is therefore YOUR BELIEF and thus YOUR REALITY!

This is self-centeredness. Depression for a while that is justified is one thing. Wallowing in SELF-PITY with the attitude WOE IS ME. MY LIFE SUCKS and nobody understands or knows what I I I am going through. No one could possibly relate to YOUR SUPERIOR PROBLEMS! GET OUT OF YOURSELF for a while. Have an attitude of gratitude. You are alive and if you can feel emotions and you woke up today then you KNOW that you are alive. LIFE is a gift from of GOD. He so loved all of us that He GAVE HIS LIFE so that anyone who BELIEVES in HIM Should Not Perish...SHOULD NOT! But HAVE RIGHT NOW AS IN THIS PRESENT MOMENT. EVERLASTING LIFE. God gave us HOPE of ETERNAL LIFE the FREE GIFT of SALVATION is the LORD OUR GOD JESUS CHRIST the ONLY BEGOTTEN of the EVERLASTING FATHER the King of Israel is the Holy One (Christ) or Anointed (Messiah) our SAVIOR and REDEEMER. Not by might nor by power but by that Holy Spirit of PROMISE which is the PLEDGE of our inheritance.

The only reason one would die when God gave us His Life so that anyone whomsoever at all Believes. The Way is the Truth and He has become our Salvation. He is the very HOPE, FAITH, and LOVE that abides forever. LOVE being the greatest. No one SHOULD die. It is a choice!!! Just like you choose to wake up and be grateful saying Thank You God. Bless you Lord Jesus for the Spirit translated "Breath or Air" of Life and the LIGHT we all see and we have heard the word of God preached and proclaimed to us all. So no one has an excuse to even say I Dont Believe! That is our free will and choice. Another gift from God. He wants you to choose Jesus and dont worry but be happy. Rejoice!! Make some noise!! God is good all the time. All the time God is good. We all have a reason for the very BREATH of LIFE that was blown into Adam's nostrils and he became a living soul. Adam just means man. Human. In His image and likeness. Male and female created He them. If you believe in Jesus and the Good News aka Gospel of the Kingdom and Eternal Life you have every reason on every Day the Lord has made to be grateful and choose to be happy. The Eternal One is the Alpha and Omega. The Ancient of Days is the First and the Last. The Almighty. Beginning and End. Genesis to Revelation. Death and Life He gives and takes away.

I pray you don't waste another moment having a pity party if you don't have an actual reason to be stuck feeling sad for an excessive period of time. It is selfish. Ungrateful.

Your THOUGHTS and FEELINGS are powerful. They are YOURS though. You and you alone have a God given free gift of grace to Think for yourself and Regulate or Control Your Feelings and Emotions. It takes time and it's a process of growing up and becoming a man or woman. He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, AND A SOUND MIND. SELF DISCIPLINE your MIND. We have the MIND of Christ. The Spirit of God and of Christ. The Kingdom of heaven is within. God the Father, the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit is all within. What does it say? The Word is near to you, in your heart, even in your mouth.

It is Finished!

Revelation 22:16 21st Century King James Version (KJ21)

16 “I, Jesus, have sent Mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the Bright and Morning Star.”

Isaiah 44:6-8 21st Century King James Version (KJ21)

6 “Thus saith the Lord, the King of Israel, and his Redeemer, the Lord of hosts: I am the First, and I am the Last, and besides Me there is no God.

7 And who, as I, shall call and shall declare it, and set it in order for Me, since I appointed the ancient people? And the things that are coming and shall come, let them show unto them.

8 Fear ye not, neither be afraid. Have not I told thee from that time and have declared it? Ye are even My witnesses. Is there a God besides Me? Yea, there is no God. I know not any.”

[urlocal-lgt-rep]

Be my Valentine? Pt 2

Pairing- Awkward! Calum and Y/N

Guess this is going to be 3 parts...

    Everyone wakes up early that morning besides you. You kept trying to fall back asleep every time you woke up because you wanted to continue your dream of an ice cream and a sunset boy, but you finally decided to get up and make a little magic in Ashton’s room.

   You grabbed a bag you had hidden in Ash’s room long ago for a previous prank but forgotten about. As you lay the contents out, you knew this was going to make him pissed-but you still decided to do it. You covered all of the posters in his room, which there were a lot, with new and improved posters. That's right, Viagra and Hello Kitty posters now covered the walls of Ashton’s room.

  As you walked out and acting as if nothing happened, you saw Mikey eating a pack of Oreos. Yes, that probably wasn't the best breakfast choice, but you knew you wanted them anyway.

 “What? You want an Oreo? Sorry, this just so happens to be my last one, Y/N,” Michael laughed, but not for long because you ran towards him and the Oreo he has in his hand. His arm was raised so you couldn't reach it. He tried to run away but realized there was a chair behind him, yet instead of stopping, he thought it was a brilliant idea to try and flip over the chair. You heard an “Holy fuck!” from Michael as you and Luke started to cry of laughter.

  As you ran over to Michael to take the Oreo- you mean, make sure he was okay- you saw him put it in his mouth before you could take it.

“Michael Clifford, you son of a-" just as you were about to curse him out, Calum’s deep, groggy voice interrupted you.

 “We have another pack, Y/N,” there was no emotion in his voice, and he didn't even bother looking at you as he grabbed the Oreos for you.

 “It's- it’s okay, I'll just have something else…” your voice trailed off as you wondered where this attitude was coming from. He had been awake for hours, so it couldn't have been that he wasn't a morning person.

  Calum wasn't exactly sure why he was acting this way either. He had enjoyed talking to you a lot yesterday, but he couldn't bring himself to show it. He couldn't be mean to you either, so he entire manner just came across and douchey. That didn't stop him from taking glances at Y/N every now and then-something he didn't know why he wanted to do so bad, but he couldn't resist.

 He saw her with an amused grin on her face as Ashton walked towards his room, and then Calum remembered that she was planning on getting him back.

  Ashton opened the door to his room and screamed, “What the literal fuck Y/N!”

 As the you and the rest of the boys gathered around his room, there was laughter all around. You even swore there was a slight smile from Calum as he peeked into Ash’s room, and the memory of his hearty laugh from the night before filled your mind. You knew you needed to hear it again today even if it was the last thing you did.

 “Hey, losers! Wanna go to the club tonight?” you pitched the idea of drinking partly because you knew the boys would love it, but mostly because you wanted to take your mind off of Calum for a damn minute. You didn't know why he was suddenly all you could think about, and you weren't sure how much you liked it . He was your friend, after all, and nothing more.

 Of course the boys agreed, but Calum decided that he wasn't going to drink. He told everyone it was because he was going to be their driver, but he knew that if he got drunk he might try to hook up with some girl, or even worse, Y/N. He did not want to explain to Ashton why he was being so handsy with Ash’s almost-sister.

 It wasn't like he hadn't gotten drunk around Y/N before, but he didn't trust himself this time. He wasn't sure why, but he knew something was different. He thought about her more than usual now-not that he thought about her on a regular basis or anything….

  You decided to try your best to let Calum be for the night. You weren't going to think about him or talk to him- this was your night to be free of any men hanging around your mind. The best way to start that, you decided, was to get dressed up. Feeling a bit more beautiful never hurt anyone, right? That meant that you had to go home, so you planned a time with the groaning boys who just wanted to leave now.

 When you finally arrived back at the boys’ house, you were greeted by a whistle from Luke and a glare from Ashton who pulled you aside.

“What's going on Y/N? Why are you so dressed up? Guys will be staring at you all night!” he interrogated.

 “And I'm trusting you to punch them when they get they do. I'm just looking for a little fun, Ash,” reassuring Ash was hard, but you knew it was important if you wanted him to leave you alone for the night.

  Calum couldn't bare to look at you. He had expected you to look nice, because -well- you always did. It's not like he had a crush on you or anything, but rather that he knew when to admit that someone was attractive, which you were. But tonight you had dressed up more than usual, and Calum hadn’t been prepared. Jesus, how was he going to be able to look away from you all night? He wanted to admire you, but in a friendly way because he appreciated your friendship and liked to see how confident his  friend was.

    Upon arrival, everyone who was drinking took a couple shots and then split up to do their thing. Michael was being social, Luke was dancing with a girl, and you were pretty sure Ashton had a group of girls and even a guy or two around him who he was flirti- you mean, entertaining with his charms. Calum looked to be scrolling through Twitter on his phone, and even though you had planned not to talk to him, you were drunk and sober-Y/N didn't matter right now.

  “Heeeey Cal! Whatcha doin’ babe?” Sober you was definitely going to regret this.

 “Uh-um are you- are you okay Y/N?” Calum wasn't expecting you to come up to him. He knew you could handle your alcohol pretty well, so he had never seen you drunk before. You must've had a lot more than a couple shots.

 “I'm feeling great, babe, but you need to loosen up. Stop being Mr. Grumpy-pants!” Your pouty face made Calum’s cheeks turn even redder. Why were you calling him babe? Why didn't it make him mad?

  “Um- Y/N. I think- I think that you're pretty drunk right now… do you want me to bring you home?” he couldn't stop the struggle he was having to get his words out. This wasn't normal; he was a songwriter, he was supposed to know what to say.

  “Home? Why would I want to go- ‘scuse me, Cal-" you broke off your sentence by running in the bathroom and throwing up in the first stall. You starting sniffling and a couple stray tears ran down your face. “Cal, cam you take me home?”

  “Oh, god. Of course! Here, take my hand,” He offered his hand to you so you could steady yourself, but you still toppled over and directly into Calum’s arms.

   “Guess I'll- I guess I'll just carry you then…” Calum was completely flustered by the drunk, emotional you that was in front of him, but he knew he had to suck it up for you. He picked you up bridal style as you giggled and walked you across the parking lot.

 “Ash!” you cried out in worry.

  “He'll be fine, Y/N. I told them to take an Uber. He's not that- he's not very drunk.” Calum couldn't help but feel something  at the thought of you being absolutely hammered and still worrying about your best friend.

   As Cal was driving you home, you couldn't help but ramble on and on about everything that came to mind. “Calummm! Why are you so grumpy-grumpy? You were so happy and cute yesterday!”

  Calum immediately felt a tingle in his chest and heat on his cheeks. Was I just called cute by Y/N? Sure, the fans called him that sometimes, but never Y/N. It made him feel…special. God, what was he thinking?! He sounded like a schoolgirl with a crush...not that he had a crush or anything of course! Why would he have a crush on Y/N? Sure, she's funny and beautiful and cares for others and likes songwriting… But she's also Ash’s little sister! That's just weird.

  “I- I don't know?” was all Calum could muster.

  “What? Are you not sure? Or is the sexy Calum Hood at a loss for words?” Definitely going to regret this.

  Calum was freaking out inside. Sexy? “I guess I am, Y/N. At a loss for words that is. Not sexy. I wasn't calling myself sexy or anything-that's just weird. Not that you're weird for thinking that! Many fans think that about me too. Wait, that sounds worse. I swear I'm not a narcissist!”

  You started to giggle uncontrollably at his flustered ramblings. “Cal! You're so fucking adorable. God, do I have such a crush on you!”

 That was it. Calum Hood was official broken. He was a mess of stuttering and blushing and thank God we just got to your house because any longer and I would've had to respond to that.     

 “Alright, time for you to go inside,” he said, leading you to your room. Calum got some pajamas for you, and after you got dressed he ran you a bath. While you were getting clean, Cal even put your throw-up clothes in the wash.

  Then came the hard part- getting you to lay down. For someone who couldn't walk at the moment, you were surprisingly energetic. Eventually, Cal had to pick you, put you in bed, and tuck you in.

 “Okay, Y/N, time for you to go to bed and for me to go home. If you need anything, just-"

 “But I want you to stay!” you whined. “Please? Can you sing me that song you were singing last night? With the gold and stuff?”

 “I uh- you heard that?” -you nodded- “Sure, I guess.”

 "I can take you out, oh oh

We can kill some time, stay home

Throw balloons, teddy bears, and the chocolate eclairs away

Got nothing but love for you, fall more in love everyday

Valentine"

[princessbun-head]

We met on October 7th when I was doing EMT class. He was just watching while we learned. He had no interest to teach other than when he had to. He was a paramedic.

I instantly got a crush on him when I first saw him. Wow, this man is attractive. What’s his name? How old is he? He worked at medic 4? How have I not noticed him before?

It was a couple days of hard crushing, I had told my best friend and she pushed me to get his number.

October 9th I got his number. I said it was for homework questions.

October 10th I texted him with a question that I knew the answer to, but my best friend pushed me to ask it so we can talk. We talked all day, not even about homework. About our dreams, where we want to go, who we were, where we were from and what our favorite food and movies were.

Crazily down the road, we decided to become a couple on October 15th.

I can’t remember when I was excited to look at my phone, but when we first started talking then that’s all I could think about. Did he text me back? Oh yes, he did. Oh, he says he’s excited to see me next class.

I haven’t remembered a time when I just sat alone and started smiling because I thought of him or something he said to me. I never knew what it was like to look at a person and just smile for no reason. I loved to look at him, he was handsome, funny, smart, incredible, caring and for a brief time, he was mine

Holding hands was my shit. I’m not gonna lie, holding his hand was the best thing for me. It was innocent. When we first held hands, I secretly went to the base. He was the only one there because his co workers went to go stand by at a foot ball game. He was cleaning and I sat down and watched. We were still new to it, so I was shy around him still. We sat there and he was like, “let me see your hand” so I said ok and reached my hand over. He held it, out fingers entwining like we’ve done it before. Hand kisses were better too. I loved it when he kissed my hands. Whether it be on my palms as a ���kiss for later’ or on the top of my hand. It’s old fashion but I loved it.

I loved cuddling him, he always held me tight and gave me forehead kisses. I hugged him so tight, peppered him with kisses, and stroked his face, especially his facial hair, and ran my fingers through his hair. I will always remember this one time we were cuddling, I had a bad day at work and I went over to spend the night with him while he was on call. I got into bed and I remember we just fit so perfectly together somehow. Like two pieces of a puzzle that fit together. His arms were protectively around my waist and my arms around his torso and head on his chest. I was almost asleep, but I don’t think he knew I was still kinda awake. He was giving me the usual forehead kisses, soft back rubs, and overall comfort. He whispered to me “baby girl, I hope your day is better tomorrow.”

He was all my firsts. My first kiss, my first boyfriend, my first first... he was my first love and my first heartbreak. I’m sorry my post is so long but I can’t help but reminisce about all the good times we had. He made me laugh, he made me cry, he made me feel safe, and he made me feel loved and wanted. I was his princess, baby girl, babe, baby and girlfriend. And i am happy that he opened his life to me and that I opened mine to him. And it blows my mind that a handsome man like him would even like me back.

But then comes the hard truth and sad realization that I’ve been too blind to see.

I was in a toxic relationship. I was always manipulated into thinking it was my fault or that I was overthinking all the things that went wrong. I had anxiety and he used that against me sometimes. There would be days when I needed him, or I wanted to know if he was okay or whatever. He wouldn’t text me back for days, sometimes. I’d leave text messages asking if he was okay, and once when he’d finally text me back, he’d brush it off like it wasn’t anything. Like I wasn’t worried. He did shitty things. He knew I’d go back to him every time he fucked up. He messaged me at 5am one morning and told me to stop being a bitch, even though i did nothing wrong to provoke that. And when the day came to confront him, he told me “I never said that, I said don’t ever act like a bitch.” Even though I had solid evidence that he did tell me to stop being one. He broke up with me because I was talking to a guy platonically. He wanted to know what we were talking about. I told him it was nothing, and it was nothing. It really was. But he didn’t see it as nothing. So he broke up with me, through text, after he embarrassed me in a room that only had him and I in it. Then a month later tried to brush it of as “you have him now” when he had someone before he even left me.

My relationship was spend in tears, worry, anxiety, and wondering if I was doing the right thing. I prayed all the time, I prayed to my grandfather to give me a sign that I was doing the right thing. I’ve learned that you can’t fix a broken man. He’s told me many times he was broken and I’ve tried to show him countless of times that he could be fixed with the right woman. Even though I was new at this. Turns out I wasn’t the right woman anyways.

I’ve learned not to trust promises. He’s told me promise after promise that I’ve never seen to light. I’ll take you here, I’ll buy you this, we can do this later, oh if you pass your NREMT, blah blah blah. I’m a simple girl who asks for simple things sometimes. It doesn’t take much to make me happy but he made it seem like you had to move a boulder to make me happy.

I think what really fucked me up was that he told me, in the mist of the chaos, was that I was his happily ever after. I was the one he was going to love forever. I believed it. I wanted to be his happily ever after. He was my prince and I was his princess. Then he just up and left.

A relationship is suppose to be 50/50. But sometimes it doesn’t work like that. There will be days when you have to suck it up and pick up the 80/20 because they need you. That’s love. But you can be willing to do so much for the person you love, but sometimes they won’t be willing to pick up the 80/20 for you. I’ve been there for him, after the bad calls, the nights he couldn’t sleep, when shitty things happened in his life. I was there, I knew his mental health was important. I tried to make him feel better. But when I needed it, I was left on read and given a “it gets better baby girl” and a couple cuddles. My mental health is important too. I wanted someone to cry to.

He was a great boyfriend when he had his moments. He made me feel safe and loved. He’s shown me many things. Given me encouragements I needed. He was my first love. Nothing can change how it ended or how I could’ve made him stay but I do cherish the fact that I’ve was with him. I loved you, but you were a man with a toxic trait that I couldn’t see at the time.

I want to remember who I was before I met him. I was happy, awkward, and independent. I want to go back to the girl I was before. Before all the hurt, before the tears, before I let a man control my emotions and crush me as a person. I allowed that. I hate how I did that. I want to love myself again. I want to be able to look in the mirror and love what I see. I want to feel happy. I want better for myself.

Bad days are hard. He made them better for me. I could text him and he’d text me something to help me go on with my day. Simple cuddling and being peppered with kisses would brighten me up so much. Learning how to deal with the bad days without him has been hard and I’m dealing with it the best I can. Slowly, one day at a time.

On August 15th, 2018, just a year and a half of being together, we broke up. My heart was shattered, I hated the idea of chasing a new relationship. I hate the idea of men. I was sad, and I was angry. How could a man I loved so much just up and drop me like that?

I remember asking if he was seeing another girl and he indirectly told me yes. My heart shattered even more. I was depressed, angry, and anxious while trying to put myself back together again. What did she have that I didn’t? What was she able to give him that I couldn’t? Was she prettier? What was so good about her that made him cheat? And I hate that you made me question myself when you were the problem all along.

I was so angry at him, like I put my all into you and you just left. How could you? What did I do wrong? What was he able to see in her that he couldn’t see in me? I tore myself apart trying to figure out what mistakes I’ve done when I didn’t take enough time to step back and look at the mistakes that he’s done. There are days I want to straight up tell him all the shit on my mind. Fuck you. Fuck your new girlfriend. Because I’m the best you’ve ever had. I took care of you when you needed it, I gave you my love and effort when I was too scared to love someone. I trusted you and that was a mistake. I don’t care if I’m being narcissistic or not. I’m perfect the way I am. My best is more than enough for someone. I’m sorry you couldn’t see that. And I hate that I’ll always have feelings for him. But that’s life.

“And I remember when I met him, it was so clear that he was the only one for me.We both knew it, right away. And as the years went on, things got more difficult --we were faced with more challenges.I begged him to stay. Try to remember what we had at the beginning. He was charismatic, magnetic, electric and everybody knew it. When he walked in every woman's head turned, everyone stood up to talk to him. He was like this hybrid, this mix of a man who couldn't contain himself. I always got the sense that he became torn between being a good person and missing out on all of the opportunities that life could offer a man as magnificent as him. And in that way I understood him and I loved him. I loved him, I loved him, I loved him. And I still love him. I love him..”

[geeky-politics-46]

The Asgardian Candidate

Loki/The West Wing FanFiction Crossover

Chapter 5 - “The Second Debate”

This time Loki was prepared. He wasn't about to make the same mistakes this time. While he still couldn't give a rat's ass about the finer points of policy & legislation, growing up as a prince of Asgard he had overheard enough to have a decent grip on how best to handle foreign affairs.

Once upon a time he had believed diplomacy to be the best path forward, but years of being ignored & undercut by Odin had changed him. Odin always prattled on about the power of being a diplomat first, but Loki knew that wasn't really how Asgard became the revered kingdom it was. Now he knew that in order for him to rule, as was his birth right, he had to take a shrewd & aggressive path.

The Midgardian political pundits had taken to referring to him as a bit of a war hawk. It was a title he didn't particularly mind, but some voters did seem put off by the title. Once he was president he would make them fall in line regardless. He was a god, they could hardly rebel successfully once he had power. He was destined to rule & they couldn’t stop. His army, his throne.

He checked the mirror one final time as everyone began to find their positions to begin the debate. He smoothed his waist coat, straightened his tie, & adjusted the gold clip holding it in place. Lastly he gripped the lapels on his suit jacket, shrugging & rolling his shoulders back & forth, allowing his neck to relax a little & his head to shift lightly side to side. His movement stilled as he exhaled deeply. He flashed his bright smile at himself in the mirror, that was his armor in this battle. Less extravagant than his Asgardian leathers, but much more fitting of his true personality & his opponent.

--------------------

On the opposite side of the stage, in the adjacent wings, President Bartlet stood calm & stoic. Despite most of his staff running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

Prior to the presidency Jed had served 3 terms in the House Of Representatives, 2 terms as the governor of New Hampshire, won a Nobel Prize in economics, & raised 3 daughters. If debating or talking made him nervous he would have died of a heart attack long ago.

Loki was just another loud mouth narcissist on an ego trip, Jed was sure of it. His heart wasn't in it, or at least his heart wasn't in it for the right reasons. In Loki Jed saw the same lust for power that had always been present whenever democracy was threatened throughout history. He wasn't interested in leading the country to a better place, or improving the lives of everyday Americans. They were just a means to Loki's end. He was interested in the power of the job title.

Jed missed the days when no matter the differences between political parties & platforms, the goal was always a to make America better. Even though those days were long gone, & both parties decided long ago that it was always better to bring a gun to a knife fight, he wasn't about to let the spirit the founded the country go with it.

Leo came to stand next to Jed. He clasped his hands in front of him & stood in silence with his long time friend. Finally turning to him & saying "You know he's not gonna play clean sir. Not after what he pulled the other day. Are you sure you still want to have this debate? No one would fault you sir. He basically brainwashed & kidnapped the vice president for fucks sake!"

"It's not about how I feel Leo, & it's not about John Hoynes' Stockholm syndrome either. It's about doing the right thing to preserve the honor of the office of the presidency." Jed turned his head to look directly at his Chief of Staff. "As long as I am the President of The United States we will take the high road. Even if the rest of Congress has resorted to wrestling in the mud on the Capitol Hill. The founding fathers thought better of us."

"Cancelling this debate under these circumstances, & when we still have one more, hardly seems like the something the founding fathers would even blink about." Frustration becoming evident in Leo's voice.

"Leo, I said no." Jed said firmly. Leo knew when there was no changing his mind, even when it was the wrong decision. "Now, go peel Josh off of the ceiling & wrangle the rest of the kids. I want them ready to hit the spin room as soon as I'm off stage. Have Josh do the exit polls."

With that President Bartlet turned & stepped out onto the debate stage. The moderator had taken his seat & the countdown had begun. As they shook hands this time Jed's warm smile had been replaced by a firm authoritative stare. He was still the president, & at least for now the well-being of the county was in his hands.

Loki had the smile of a serpent, & a shimmer of ferocity in his eyes as they locked hands. His every mannerism reading as the antithesis to that of the elder statesman across from him. For Jed his act was getting a little old. As they turned to walk to their individual podiums he caught eyes with Leo & made an overexxaggerated eye roll.

The two candidates took their places & the moderator began to speak.

“Good evening, & welcome to the 2nd debate for this year’s U.S. Presidential election. The participants are President Josiah Bartlet, & Mr. Loki Laufeyson. I am Chris Wallace your moderator. The topics this evening will all be pertaining to foreign policy. The format for the debate is as follows, & has been agreed to by both campaigns. Each candidate will make a 2 minute opening statement. The debate will then be divided into 6 segments, each 14 minutes long. At the beginning of each segment I will ask both candidates the same lead-off question & they will each have up to 2 minutes to respond, we will then move into open discussion for the rest of the time allotted. At the end of the debate each candidate will be given 2 minutes to make a closing statement. President Bartlet, you won the coin toss, so you will be the 1st to offer your responses this evening. Your opening statement please.”

--------------------

“In an ever changing & growing world, & with the recent discovery of the existence of worlds & species beyond our own, the topic of defense has seen a surge on lists of top voter concerns. As President, how would you address other countries & planets posing a potential threat to the safety of Earth & the United States?”

President Bartlet cleared his throat & began to speak. “The world of today is without a doubt very different than the world I grew up in, but shockingly some things always stay the same. Things are never really black or white, people are never really all bad or all good. In fact bad people cannot be recognized on site, trust me we’ve been trying to figure out how to do that for at least the last 70 years. So in the face of an someone who you don’t know is friend or foe, the best option is always to try to get them to take a seat at the table. Diplomacy is always the first job of a true statesman. While defending our country through a strong well funded military is an important necessity, a proper defense includes more than weapons. It includes funding for science, foreign aid, & open trade policy. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar, & you make more friends with a handshake than a weapon.”

Loki smiled. Of course Bartlet would try to take the high ground, he was just too easy to predict, & he had played right into Loki’s hand. “Growing up in Asgard, we knew the true power our mighty kingdom was capable of. The realms around us were well aware of this too. Not because of the fairness of our laws, or how dedicated we were to our education system. They knew what we were capable of because of the force we displayed for the universe to see. That is the answer. To display the might this country is capable of for the rest of the world & the universe to see. To use that force with ease & fearlessness when called upon to prove that this country is truly worthy. As has been done throughout the history of this great nation. It is rather adorable that you, dear Jed, believe a few kind words & gestures will sooth the anger of those bent on taking what they feel is owed to them. After all an ant has no quarrel with a boot, but nothing it says can change the outcome. Would you rather be positioned as the ant? Or the boot?”

Jed was now beginning to struggle to stay evenly keeled. “Ah well I must be terribly mistaken then, because I seem to remember President Teddy Roosevelt saying ‘Speak softly, & carry a big stick’ not ‘hit everything in a mile wide radius with a big stick then you wont have to bother with the talking’. Guess there must have been a different version on Asgard huh?… & by the way, it’s Mr. President to you.”

“The thing is, Mr. President , it’s the unspoken truth that species crave subjugation. They were made to be ruled. In the end, someone will always kneel. If I am leader we will never be the ones on bended knee.” Loki felt his adrenaline rush through him, as president they would all kneel before him even if by force. Midgardian & alien alike.

“America should never expect, nor should we invite confrontation with evil. A man who spent his life fighting for a cause far more just than superiority once said that ‘The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral. Returning violence with violence only multiples violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.’ Do you know who said that?” Jed felt as if he was now pleading for people to see reason, to recognize the madness in Loki’s eyes & in his words.

“The words of the past hardly matter when the weight of the future is at your doorstep. On this issue it does seem that there are many people who disagree with your dated beliefs. How lucky for them to have me to vote for.” Loki let out a devious laugh at his own comment.

“The job is President of The United States. Not ‘President of The People Who Agree With Me’. Since I know we are just about out of time I’ll just go ahead & tell you, not that I expect you knew anyway. That quote, was by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.”

“Okay gentleman. That is time. We are now left we just our closing statements. Each of you will have 2 minutes, beginning with you President Bartlet. That will bring our evening to a close & put the 2nd debate of this presidential election in the books leaving just 1 left to go. Mr. President, your 2 minutes begins now.”

--------------------

Jed stood backstage angry & with his heart breaking. Not for himself or his candidacy, but for his country. He already knew what the exit polls from the debate would look like, he didn’t need to wait for a mid-meltdown Josh to come & tell him. As far as the voters would be concerned, he had lost that debate. They would say he looked weak & old next to Loki. Loki was blood thirsty & hellbent on power, but all the voters would see was the way he raged about defending America’s place in the world. Most of them wouldn’t see past the bravado & vitriol far enough to see the danger he posed beneath the surface.

His campaign was already behind coming into the debate thanks to the VP’s surprise announcement that he would now be running as Loki’s VP candidate instead. With Loki’s debate performance added on top of that they would hemorrhaging support if they couldn’t get a new VP candidate & quick. Jed quickly beckoned Leo over & had him call a meeting of all the campaign staff for first thing in the morning. They were now at campaign defcon 1.

After hearing Loki’s words tonight Jed could no longer fight the ominous sinking feeling that this was now about something far more important than re-election. This was about the survival of democracy.

[b-i-t-c-h-y-m-u-g-g-l-e]

Everyone I know hasn't changed one bit and are still assholes. Then they wonder why I stick to talking to people from my college years more. Those were more mellow.

Only one or two bitches I don't talk to tho. One was cos she was calling me a slut when she was sleeping with a married man with kids. I'm "whatever" on a lot of shit but sleeping with a MARRIED man is the trashiest lowest of the low and I will judge the fuck out of you for it if you do it.

The other girl I stopped talking to had willingly looked for guys younger than her and on one, she hooked up with a sixteen year old when she was 31 and by that time I was done with her. I've met people that fucked up cos they didn't know, but then there's people that know and look for it. And she intentionally looked for it, like the other girl that liked married dudes.

So I'm setting things up for a couple of people in a few days (not today cos today is a video call with a bunch of other people from my shittiest younger life years. I wasn't the one that came up with that idea, but an old friend has been going through some shit and just wants everyone together this year at least for a call while we drink. Idk how that'll work cos of different time zones tho 😕)

I was originally planning on getting drunk with a handful of people I know over here, lol. Except for the two bitches I mentioned cos I still can't stand their guts. There was a third in their little group who was too irrelevant but damn she was a the biggest twat I had the misfortune of knowing. She criticized a woman that took some behavioral studies classes with me. The woman in question was getting abused by her husband and the bitch said, "Who would want a doctor that can't help herself? Is she going to tell someone abused to get help when she looks like a banged up raccoon?" I really hated her guts then and the feeling was mutual when she had her shitty friends calling me a slut for who I dated for a couple of months. Personally I think they were jealous I even got anybody. Guys thought that bitch had a "horse face" and a bad attitude so she couldn't find herself a boyfriend, much less someone to fuck her.

Meh. I'm surprised she's still alive tbh. She was terrible. Everyone else in college was awesome however. Just those two (cos their horse-faced ringleader got kicked out of the university after I was in for a year and a half and the other two stayed 😑).

I really fucking hate reunions. There's people I don't even want to know about after so long. Shitty people. And I had to find about those bitches back from my early twenties 😂. I'm "force laughing" cos if I don't I'd find them to rub their failures all over their faces.

The one I did completely stop talking to in my teen years was this super judgemental girl that we used to call "Jack Off". Her name was Jackie and she was a Narcissistic cunt that always started something with everyone. She told me I looked like a BDSM prostitute and told one of my friends that her boobs looked unnatural (and said friend was very insecure about her boobs and this bitch kinda made it worse by always saying something mean about how her shirts fit). She called herself a "friend" of ours but she just hung out without invitation and whined the whole time. She wanted to hook up with this really pretty blond boy that worked at a Cafe close to the train station, but he hated her too, lmfaooooo. Omg the petty teen years were hilarious. She was then trying to "take" my spot in my friends group cos I was a "high end hooker" when I was only with one guy but she slept with a bunch of college guys as well as military guys. She must have been mad cos the pretty blond boy told her to give him my number instead of hers. Hahahapfffft. Jfc I still crack up. Told everyone ready for the call tonight that I don't want Jack Off, she'd just make my New year's Eve suck. 😂😂😂

[awed-frog]

I saw your notes on the outrageous post about the 1% and I couldn't help but be curious about they things your friend experienced...

Hi there! So, yeah, it’s kind of a freakish story, because Iwent to high school with this girl - we were in the same class, andshe was so sweet - the bookwormish and Did you know there’sa wasp called Aha ha and ‘save the whales’ kind ofstudent, you know? And after graduating, she studied maths, and thenwe sort of lost touch - I heard she was working in London when I wasliving in the UK, so I reached out and got a very weird email back.We finally met on a train, just randomly, about five years afterthat, and that’s when she told me what had happened to her.

[Disclaimer: I’m not saying all banks and consulting companiesare cults, but if how much money you make depends on how many peopleyou screw over, then maybe it’s normal you attract a crowd ofpsychopaths and pathological narcissists, and things generally godownhill from there.]

So, the thing is - with a maths degree, you can do a lot of stuff,but my friend had a bit of an adulting crisis at the end of herstudies, because, she told me, every choice seemed so very permanentand she wasn’t ready to commit to a 3-years research program orteacher training or whatever, and this is when she was headhunted bythe banking industry and basically they made her believe they’d bethe right fit for her.

(And let me just say - because of my Oxford degree, I’ve beentargeted as well, and that one evening I spent with them remains oneof the scariest beyond the looking glass shit I’veever experienced in my life.)

Of course, their offer is dreamy - a flexible whatever, she leaveswhen she wants, she gets a free course in what they need her to do, asalary with a shitton of zeroes and the job is based infucking London - and at this point, my friend isstill a normal a kid and she’s thinking, I’m notenthusiastic about what banks get up to and it’s not the mostinteresting thing I could do with my degree, but hey, maybe I canlive in the UK for a couple of years and make some money and thenfind something better. And so off she went, and as she told meabout how she found her first flat, well, that’s the same thing Iwas going through in that same period some sixty miles away, becauseshe still had a normal budget (what she’d saved till then? summerjobs and grandparents’ gifts and some paid grading) and it’s hardto find a reasonably priced room in London, so she had to picksomething that was more than one hour away from the City and thatsounded like a very boring and long commute, but hey, London! And atthis point, you know, she looked out of the window, and her storystarted to become a bit more disconnected, jumping back and forth, soI’ll try to piece it together chronologically, but man, it wasreally chilling to hear it out of order, and I wish you’d beenthere with me because I don’t know how well I can put it intowords.

Anyway, so the first thing that’s a problem are her clothes: shecan see that as soon as she steps into the place, the way people lookat her, and she doesn’t get it, because she’s wearing this smartpantsuit she’s already uncomfortable in, and what the fuck? Andluckily she doesn’t have to wonder long, because that’s, like,the first thing her boss (a man) says to her: that she can’t dresslike that, because she’s going to meet clients from time to timeand that’s just not appropriate and my friend - a shy 23-year-oldwho grew up in the mountains, in a village of 46 people - stilldoesn’t know what she’s doing wrong, exactly, and it’sso embarrassing, because this is a man twenty years hersenior and her boss and she’s talking to her like she’s naked orsome shit, and finally - finally - he explains that she can’t buyoff the rack - tailor-made only, please. And she’s so stunned shejust babbles that she can’t afford that and this guy - this guytakes his wallet and places, like, 10 000 pounds on the deskand Please go get changed. 

(“It was like Pretty Woman,” my friendsaid, “except creepier, because I didn’t know the rules. Ididn’t know, well - I was shocked. Like, was that a test? Should Itake the money or not? And if I take it, does that come out of mypaycheck? Is it a gift? Do I have a choice over the clothes I wear ornot? Should I stand up for myself or give up? How do I make a goodimpression here?”)

And the thing is, you want to be polite, right? You want to fitin. You assume other people know better. 

(Especially as a young woman.)

And so my friend took the money and said thank you and spent herfirst morning shopping in a weird luxury place that only had one ofeach and came with complimentary champagne and truffle-flavoured hamand there were no curtains and no changing rooms and she had to stripdown to her underwear right in front of the saleswoman, but it alsodidn’t matter because she was the only customer and the shop lookedlike someone’s living room and again, what are the rules? 

And the thing is - the way she described it, every day was likethat in several small, insidious ways, every day there were athousand moments when she didn’t know what people expected fromher, and slowly the desire to be a good colleague turned into a thisis completely normal and how everyone lives thing and shedidn’t even notice it was happening.

Like, at first she’d been shocked by the price of meals. Peoplewould routinely order up food, or go out for dinner and spendthousands of pounds on one lunch. 

(Thousands. Of. Pounds.) 

And she’d been shocked by the rent of her new apartment (with a60-minute commute, she had maybe two hours of sleep a night, so shehad to move closer to the City), because £5000 a month? Back in uni,that had been her budget for a whole semester. And she’dbeen shocked by how many clothes and shoes and designer handbags sheseemed to be needing. And at how she’d stopped doing anything forherself, or having any control over her body - she never had the timeto cook, or even shop (her luxury kitchen was pristine, her fridgeempty), and someone would come into work and do her hair and nailsand whatever else it is that women need and barely ask her aboutstyle and colour because they could see she was out of her depth.

(“You remember how I was before, right? When I first arrived inLondon, I didn’t know how foundation worked. I never painted mynails, either. For job interviews and stuff I’d wear some of thateasy-to-apply eyeliner and mascara and feel like Greta Garbo, but inmy office, it was considered - people just frowned at you, you know?Or disregarded your wishes, or whatever. One day - it must have beena week after I started - a beautician just showed up, started talkingto me as if we’d arranged an appointment, asked me to chose betweenfour shades of pink that looked the same to me. Turns out, acolleague had told her to come to me next, already paid for it, sowhat do you do? I had to sit there in front of everybody and let thiswoman do my nails - I felt like an animal in a zoo, but nobody waslooking at me, nobody found it weird.”) 

And, look, I can’t really explain it the way she did, but whathappened next was that she didn’t have time to come home for avisit for, like, eight months, and when she finally showed upeveryone was half proud, half terrified, because yeah, she lookedgood and rich and successful, but she was also -completely different? When she’d left, she’d beenthis normal kid, vaguely left-wing, who’d liked hiking and onlyowned sport bras, and now she was - she was weird. Shehad no sense of reality. No compassion for anything or anyone. Shewas cold, annoyed by everything, incredulous at the fact herfavourite brands were not available in local shops, insisting thather parents and siblings should buy this and that to make their livesbetter. She ended up fighting with mostly everyone and going back toLondon after three days, and in the year after that, she only tookholidays with colleagues - three days of snorkeling in Kenya, aprivate plane party, a weekend of golfing in Scotland - and now shewas the one ordering the most expensive bottle on the menu androlling her eyes at badly-dressed interns, because - she’d made it.She was the 1%. 

(Or would get there, anyway.)  

Luckily, there’s a happy ending, and it’s surprisinglyanticlimatic. 

One night, my friend looked up from a party of high-endprostitutes and drunken antics and she suddenly saw how crazy andunhealthy it all was. It just happened. She looked at the woman onher left, snorting cocaine and laughing, and then at the man on herright, who had a stripper on his lap, and she just - stood up andleft. The very next day, she quit the firm, donated half her earningsto charity, travelled through South America for three months beforegoing back to university. Now she’s a researcher (she doessomething complicated to do with game theory, and I don’tunderstand any of it), and also - she’s back to her old lovelyself. She sees her friends, she gets on well with her family. She’skind. She’s normal. As I said - happy ending.