#but then again theres no point bc no one is remotely interested in crossing that bridge so ill never have to confront it anyway

[phagodyke]

ahhhh sunday evening blues 🙁

[awellboiledicicle]

So, weird dream

I had a dream that I got lost on the way home from somewhere and met someone who needed a ride home and i gave her one because it was raining and the road was washing out. She was shivering, so at one of the stop signs, even with the heat turned up and i was warm, i gave her my coat and my coffee because she was shaking. She thanked me and cried. I gave her my bandanna and she said thanks again.So i drive her out to this really remote house and the road looked like it was washing out to the point of a mudslide but she thanked me so much and when i asked if she needed an umbrella too because there was still a walk to the door she cried more and hugged me, and told me she was actually a magical being. Her hug was really damn cold and she didn’t specify what she was till she let go.

She wasn’t like a fairy or anything, which i asked because that was something that made me nervous-- i’m jewish not stupid, but i had been helpful so eh-- and she’d said no, just made of magic. 

But she’d appearantly been trying to get a ride home from town all night and not a single person had given her one, even though it was raining cats and dogs and Niagara falls. She explained she’d been showing up at intervals along the whole 200 mile stretch of highway and no one pulled over, offered her a coat or umbrella or anything. I was the first-- even if i had been really freaking twitchy because hitchhikers aren’t my thing. Honestly the only reason i’d done it is because it looked like she was going to get caught in a mudslide and die, and i couldn’t let that happen. 

And she was so happy with me, that she was going to give me a gift.  Now, in the dream and out i wasn’t sure if G-d had given our people a line about interacting with magical entities and/or if they fell under ‘shit G-d made that we just kinda had to roll with’ so i was just kinda listening politely. 

Thing was, she gave me a list of choices of what does your heart desire type things and, see, i’ve seen these movies. I have read those books. I know the asshole genie and mystical rules lawyer. The choices were:

More wealth than your wildest dreams, wealth beyond counting by any being in this world or the next as repayment for your selfless kindness paid upon total strangers, as you will use it well

The love and devotion and acceptance of all you see fit, as none should look upon someone as kind and generous as you with anything but love and joy in their heart

Immortality so that the fear you cast aside when you came to my aid will never darken your mind again, as someone as gentle and giving as you deserves the assurance of never coming to harm or the shadow of death darkening your travels

Now if you don’t know me, I have always been what you would call not a person to know what to do with these choices. And also not purposely rude. But somehow my response was like, along the lines of like “I don’t wanna live forever bc no. Mind control sounds like a shit move.” She looked amused i caught that. “and i don’t.. i don’t really need that much money, ma’am. Like $20 for fuel if you really feel like you need to pay me back or something, but i don’t really think its needed.” “C’mon, i’m trying to repay you! Besides, what kinda human doesn’t want unlimited money!” I just blinked at her.  “Do you know how fast the government would be on my ass. What would the taxes even be on a bank account of infinity. Is there interest. Do i open my wallet and money just flies out like a bazooka. Does it count as income and if so would i write in ‘paid from magical force’ and how do you file that. Is it just there.” She just kinda got blank faced and stared at me. “You’re thinking about this a lot aren’t you?” “Well, what would i even do with it anyway? I have a house. I have a car. Even if i upgraded my wifi or gaming things or something, ok. Buy shiny things? Ok still... lots of money. Pay off everyone in the country or the world’s student loan debt? Housing loans? Credit card bills? Outstanding debts? Donate to charities in such large amounts they don’t know what to do with it? Pay for people’s citizenship papers and tuition and housing?” “Well, yeah those are--” “No, you know why? Because the government would be on mine and everyone’s ass immediately wondering where all this money came from and why they didn’t have it wrapped tightly around their dick calling them daddy. I’d do it if it were possible, but it needs to be done in smaller amounts than infinity.” “That’s fair.” She sat back in the seat and crossed her arms. “I can’t not give you something though! Pick one.” “Ok, but we’re rewording it.”

Cut to like 6 months later

I was living in New Mexico and had this GIGANTIC mega store-bakery-housing complex-craft market thing that was staffed by over 400,000 people who had immigrated to the United states and i had over 5,000 lawyers constantly fighting the government and we had secure escorts for our workers and their families. Because I employed the people who were in the process of immigrating and those who had, and part of the benefits package that you got for learning a trade at my company was we would pay for healthcare/dental/maternity/paternity/100 sick days and the health care thing expanded to your family and if you wanted to bring your extended family to the US we had a program that you could pay into from you $19/h starting salary to help cover the cost of us helping get the process started. 

I and Vera [magic lady] had started this company and she continually was amazed that my reaction to negotiating down to 20 million dollars a day into my bank account was to do this and then set up various foundations and businesses that domino-ed to pay off college debts and send people to college. To buy homes sitting empty, fix them up and fill them with homeless families. To pay for medical treatments that are being denied to people that were unable to afford them. To feed the hungry and renovate homeless shelters and soup kitchens. To renovate and improve schools in inner city areas and make sure theres not mold and leaky pipes collapsing roofs. I recall there was a part where i rolled hard at local and national legislation on sex work because a law had come down to make it even more criminalized and for a while while the law was in effect, we handed out free condoms, dental dams, birth control, prep, and opened pharmacies in the stores with a nondisclosure polocy that got us in trouble and we poured a lot of money into a legal “fuck you” at the government till the law was repealed.  Every week the 20 million gets taken down to 0, and the profits from the businesses are distributed to all the workers and if the profits are too large for the higher ups, while the lower parts shrink, they get redistributed because the workers need to have money to live. 

Vera kept making noises because the most i’d do is use my pay to buy Judaica and occasionally rocks, and the workers would bring me food and then i’d bake way too many muffins in return. 

I was just patently against letting myself be greedy, partially because it was against my personal morals and beliefs and partially because people fucking needed jobs. 

Also, let me explain how it pissed off Dromled Prump.

Because Drombled Prump was really pissed off that my store continued to function when he talked shit, because he talked shit and his friends talked shit because we were basically paying to have a safe place that would fight immigration from being illegal fucking dicks to legal citizens and people who are literally doing what they need to do. Or who are here, working, and don’t need your shit today gringo, either buy a chair or fuck off. But appearantly what pissed him off more, is that we had better food than the shit he had at his places. And he’d been told this. So he showed up one day, presidential like, to make it all shameful on us that we were such a hovel that we couldn’t make it presentable for him.

AKA he was going to show up unexpected, somehow, with a whole motorcade. 

Well, that’s fine Draino, because we had a magic lady in a sleeveless flannel, cargo-shorts, and 0% amount of fucks about your plans. Also me. Only one of us can clean the whole store with a snap, and the other has an amazing ability to soak their voice in ‘shit eating grin’. 

So, he showed up we pretended to be civil and he wanted free samples from everything. EVERYTHING.  The man ate bread for about 4 hours. Then complained it was dry. So the restaurant brought him some food and he complained it wasn’t “authentic Mexican” because there wasn’t refried beans. The Restaurant was Peruvian.  I made him the beans. With 4 drops of dawn dish soap. Not enough to taste or make him sick, but it’ll make sure he does some thinkin’ later.

He insisted they were the best beans ever and pissed himself in the parking lot because there was a snake. In the south. 

Vera wanted to turn him into a pig but she commented he was already there.

That part woke me up.