#but then again i live in canada and it's cold here like 6-8 months out of the year already LMAO

[oldbutnotyetwise]

My Last Happy Birthday To My Dear Elizabeth

     As my ALS marches on stealing more and more from me, the lists of my “Lasts” continues to grow.  In the past few weeks I had my last Christmas and my last New Years.  This week I shared my daughters birthday with her, the last one I will ever share with her.  Next year by the time her birthday rolls around I will be long gone from this earth.

     I enjoy my time with Elizabeth, this year for her birthday Robin and I ordered in food from her chosen restaurant, had desserts from an area bake shop, watched a movie and then played some Mexican Train Dominoes, which is a bit of a family tradition.  It was a quiet but nice afternoon and evening.  As much as I was enjoying this time I will admit that I was struggling a bit, but I managed to hold it together until after Elizabeth had left to go home.  Elizabeth had just gone out the door to go home when the emotional floodgates burst open, the devastation of knowing that I will never again be with her on her birthday sharing the joy of her reaching another age milestone.  No more birthday cards or gifts to buy for her, it’s done, it’s over, she will carry on without me as she should, just as I have after losing my own parents.  I suppose it’s this whole circle of life thing.

     While Elizabeth was here I had joked with her that I was struggling with this whole having a Middle-Aged Child.  Earlier in the day I had shared this lament with my Step-Mother, but I gained little sympathy from her as she pointed out that all of her offspring are well into their senior citizenship.  Intrigued or perhaps depressed at this thought when I shared it with her, Elizabeth pulled out her phone and goggled the average life expectancy of a female in Canada, and learned it is 84.47 years, so having just turned 42, she was indeed “Middle-Aged”.  There is no disputing that she does actually look 10 or 15 years younger than her actual age.

     There was a time Elizabeth and I would plan adventures for her birthdays.  For her twenty-third birthday I flew to New Zealand to spend three and a half weeks touring the south island with her in an old rental car we named Sputter.  On her actual birthday we were backpacking across lush green mountaintops, going from warm sunny weather into an ice storm and back to warm temperatures as we came down out of the mountains.  This was only time I ever had Elizabeth all to myself on her actual birthday, it also lives on as one of my favourite memories.   For her twenty-fifth birthday I picked her up in Ottawa and we drove to Quebec City for a few days, this also coincided with a brutal cold front that was setting record low temperatures for the month of January there.  We booked a walking tour and the poor guide must have thought us crazy, it was only the two of us on the tour, he added a lot of church interiors to the tour just so we all didn’t freeze to death.  When Elizabeth’s twenty-seventh birthday was rolling around she was living in England and we decided to meet in Paris for her birthday adventure.  I met her at the Charles DeGaulle Airport and together we hauled our suitcases onto the subway and found our way to our rented apartment for the week.  Okay if I’m being honest here, Elizabeth found our way to the apartment, I just followed along like the well behaved parent I was.  We walked all over Paris for the entire week, and on Elizabeth’s actual 27th birthday were standing on top of the Eiffel Tower together, another life highlight for me. 

     I would like to introduce you to the amazing woman who has the good fortune, or perhaps misfortune of sharing half my DNA,  Elizabeth Louise entered this world on a cold January day at 3:58 p.m. at the Niagara Falls General Hospital.  She was named after two of her great-grandmothers.  If memory serves me correctly she was 6 pounds 8 ounces and measured 17 inches tall.  I was there when she made her entrance, but in all honesty it’s all a bit of a blur to me now.  

     She grew up being a happy child, an active child and a pretty well behaved child, yes and dare I say it, a very cute child. 

          We moved to a country home where Elizabeth stayed with my wife and I, until she moved to her Mom’s the summer she was fourteen.  Elizabeth and I always got along very well, she was a good helper and like to learn so she and I would be building or fixing things in the workshop, or changing electrical fixtures in the house or working on the truck or tractor.  I was a runner and when I would go for a run Elizabeth would often join me on her bike, carrying my water bottle.  During the run we would have the nicest conversations, away from all other worldly distractions.  It is one of the things I am very grateful for, that Elizabeth and I were always able to talk.

     When she finished the University of Ottawa she went to New Zealand and Australia living in each country for six months.  Later she moved to England and lived in Leeds for a year, using her grandparent’s British Lineage to get her a work Visa.  After returning to Canada she lived in Toronto before meeting a partner who she followed out to Victoria for several years, and then down to Colorado for several more.  

     She has worked for Ikea in four different cities and three different countries.  Then in her thirties she decided to go back to school where she qualified as a welder which is the career she continues to pursue.

     Elizabeth has always been somewhat fitness oriented, maybe she thought it looked like fun all those years earlier when she rode her bike beside me as I ran.  One year she gave me the gift of running with me in a Father’s Day 5K in Ottawa, it was her first race.  It was cold, it was raining and there was a large hill on the course.  We finished that race side by side but she was in tears and physically spent.  I thought that might have been both the start and the end of her running pursuits, but it turned out she was no quitter.  We ran numerous other races together over the years, and in time I no longer had to wait for her, it was her waiting for me.  In time she has beaten just about all my running records, and done several marathons compared to my one.  If that wasn’t enough she then took up Triathlons and eventually completed an Ironman, finishing under her goal of fourteen hours.  Now days she is also competing in fitness competitions through her gym, in her last one she won her age category and was the third female overall.  She was, and continues to be a fitness machine.  

     Now the person behind all these achievements also happens to be one of the nicest, kindest, most thoughtful people you could ever meet.  Yes, you’re right I am very biassed, but I’m also right about this.  She makes me so very proud, she will live on long after I am gone, and where she goes, a part of me will always go with her.  

     Sometimes in life we search far and wide for inspiring people or great stories, but sometimes we should stop and look a little closer to home, because sometimes those around us have stories just as amazing as those we seek out.  Such is the case with Elizabeth, this beautiful, kind, wise, world traveller, adventurer, athlete and all round incredible person.  She also happens to be my daughter, my legacy, and my best contribution to trying to make this world a better place.

[inkykeiji]

HELLO CLARII BBY!

⚡ ANON HERE~

i hope you are doing good mentally physically and emotionally if not remember its okay to feel down sometimes we all have our moments but what matters is that we stand back again and be better than before♡

SO I WAS JUST READING THROUGH THE ASKS and i found out you too love rain and winter🥺ahhh that made me really happy cause almost eveyone around me prefer summer cause its viewed as happy and fun time i get it too lile ice creams beach people but i dont exactly vibe with it

but when it comes to rainy time especially winter.. smth is just so beautiful idk wether its the comforting silence or my love for cold as i literally prefer everything cold like my drink my food my water temperature or wtv it is! it should be cold snth about it just calms me down

or maybe its the fact its during my birthday time 27th dec perfect time for birthday for me i just loveee the Christmas decorations the lights the fairy feeling end of the year all that are just sappy feelings just makes me feel like im exploding with emotions in a good way

one of the reasons my snowman and me series is so dear and so close to my heart

when it comes to rain.. the whole mood is just so comforting i can pour out all my feelings and my place if covered in plants and trees like its just so beautifully green after the rain.. god is it the most spectacular view and the weather right in the middle after it rained and before the sun starts to shine... the perfect. i just love it so much i will always make sure i get drenched cause i love dancing in the rain no matter what if it rains you can see me outside :>

plus points if it has thunders and lightnings cause they are just so beautiful.

ANYWAYS THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG

( IM SO SORRYY😭 )

BUT I JUST WANTED TO EXPRESS MYSELF CAUSE YOU JUST COMFORT ME SO MUCH AND YOU'RE JUST STRAIGHT UP ADORABLE 🥺

stay safe drink lots of water and remember if you ever feel like you are alone I'm right here♡

HEHEHE aw lightning bb <33

you're so precious!!!! i'm feeling a little weird today; last night i was suffering from sensory overload rly bad but today i just feel really jittery n anxious :( but!!! i have asks queued for today which always makes me feel better and makes me feel productive!! <33

yes!!! i actually hate summer so much LMAO >.< it usually makes me feel even more depressed, which is hilarious ahaha but i've felt that way since i was about 13ish??? i also hate being hot (like it makes me ANGRY) and i absolutely despise sweating, so summer and i don't often get along well </3

i agree with you!!! i love the cold (and cold food/drinks, too!!!) and i too find something insanely comforting about the rain and the snow; i find it very cozy <3 i dunno, it's quite hard to explain!!! i think, for me, there's also a personal element to it as my happiest memories as a child seem to all be in the winter/around christmas, and now i just automatically associate summer with all of the bad experiences i've had lmao

AHHHHHHH LIL LIGHTNING BOLT LISTEN I LOVE CHRISTMAS LIKE I LOVE CHRISTMAS SO SO SOOOOO MUCH!!!! i also really love halloween, but if i absolutely had to choose one favourite, it would be christmas <3

ah see i have a very complicated relationship with my birthday, which thankfully is not in winter hehe <33 but i can understand where you're coming from!!!

i love the smell of rain, and i love the sound of it against windows and roofs when it's really pouring hehe <33 i like to describe it in my writing a lot and i am possibly writing a lil something with rain in it right now 🙊 hehe <3

AH MY PRECIOUS LIL LIGHTNING BOLT i love you so very much, you comfort me as well bb <333 it's very very nice to know that you are here for me and that i am here for you!!!! <3 i hope you have a lovely weekend sweetpea <3

ps. it seems that i picked the right emoji for u, huh!!!! lightning bolt is very fitting <33

[unironicduncanstan]

the “Tangodeltaindia” blog explained,

aka my brain has cringe spots on it and needs to be inspected by the FDA

hi my names randi/uni and i created a total drama island themed ARG two months ago on a whim that almost no one interacted with bc i started off way too niche and difficult, so i kinda just went increasingly off the rails because i knew most likely no one was monitoring my posts and i could just make a real cursed hidden tomb that could one day be discovered by someone in a goonies esque unveiling. but then i got lice and now im sad and uncomfortable so i’m just gonna explain the entire damn thing in one shot. its absolutely batshit and theres a reason no one uncovered it ok here we go;;;

first of all the name. its so stupid but. ‘tango delta india’ = ‘tdi’ in the NATO phonetic alphabet. it just felt like a funny place to start that implies its gonna be a puzzle blog idk,

moving on to the actual content tho; some of the earlier posts mean p much nothing and were just an attempt to draw people in, such as the mr coconut ‘like if you agree’ or the ‘let him inside hes cold’ posts. 

then theres the cipher (x). it was posted shortly after the height of the ‘using total drama reference pictures to make an alphabet’ meme. in case anybody didnt see that; for a while it was a joke in the fandom to take the transparent references of total drama characters, and line them up, using them like hieroglyphics to make translatable pictures. its supposed to correspond to the alphabet, based on the first letter of their first name. an example could be, alejandro = a, bridgette = b, and so on. there was no solidly set alphabet amongst the fandom though, it was self explanatory most of the time so i made my own solid personal cipher key for that blog to make the whole thing easier.

NOW ONTO THE FIRST PUZZLE POST,,,, (x). theres a scene, a string of text, the cipher key, and a link to a decoder. the way to decode it all is to plug the characters on screen into the tangodeltaindia cipher key, and then plug That translation into the decoder website, and then finally paste in the text under the photo. 

the website linked is to a Caesar cipher decoder. the Caesar cipher is just a code where the alphabet is assigned to numbers (a=1, z=26), and to encode something with it you can move this pattern however you want as long as you keep the regular sequence of alphabet and numbers. so you could scootch over One letter, and “abc” would now say “bcd”. so on and so forth.

looking at the scene + my own total drama reference cipher, alejandro = A, and the beaver = 1, which gives A1. so you could now follow the link to the website, press ‘decode’, and paste in the text under the picture. the ‘shift’ in the middle is automatically set to ‘7′, or as it shows, a -> h, meaning ‘a’ has been moved over by 7 letters. so if you set the shift to just 1 over, or A1, now you can translate the text. it reads;

“lets start simple. after all, a trail of breadcrumbs begins with a loaf. whats the harm in another long winded fandom meme. another inside joke. and arent you curious whats truly lurking inside?”

edgy! simple! kinda just a test to see if people would do it or not. which they didnt so of course i tried to make it weirder-

puzzle 2; (x) using the exact same translation rules as above. we have alejandro and the snake, which with the tangodeltaindia cipher key means A6. going to the website, putting it in ‘decode’ mode, pasting in your text, and setting the shift to ‘6′ gives you this translation.

“in his eyes are an island. nothing but a dream, born out of going to bed angry. sink or swim.”

this was just hinting around at where the story was gonna go so it’ll make more sense later. something else to note; if you zoom all the way in and look into alejandros eye (’in his eyes’), you’ll see the word ‘Thera’. ~thats a surprise tool that will help us later~

so after this one, there are two non-puzzle posts that are also just hints (i was just tryna see if i could get people hyped), the first is a close up picture of chris with red eyes that simply says “those arent his eyes”, and then a post that says “his real names not chris :)”, they’re again referencing his eyes, and this time further implying theres something fake or wrong about them, or with chris as a person. again, it’ll be explained better later on.

moving on to puzzle 3 (x), another test to see if anyones keeping up (which also failed josdfjsdfkjs), using the same translation rules, dj = a dash or minus, and the snail = 5, “-5″, shift the letter ‘A’ BACK five instead of forward, and you get the simple translation of; “getting harder now.”

puzzle 4 and 5; at this point, there are two images posted within hours of each other that i’ll explain together as they line up. (x) (x)

These are some of the only ones that can be translated from just the tangodeltaindia key directly. They end up a string of numbers, which are latitude and longitude coordinates. The first post, labelled “the lie”, translates into “45.57394802102744, -81.46817207492494″. googling that will take you to maps and show you to a place called Lonely Island in Canada.

The second one, “the truth”, translates into “36.404663113177534, 25.39605673375295″, taking you to Santorini, Greece.

This is where the hints got really out there bc i realized nobody was following along but i still wanted to paint a picture. so this is the set up;;; the idea that the ‘island’ (camp wawanakwa) existing somewhere in canada, is a lie. the ‘true’ location being santorini isnt meant to be taken at face value though. the mythology behind santorini is that a man impregnated a goddess and to escape the wrath of her father (triton), she formed the island (santorini) by having her lover throw clay into the sea, and then she gave birth to her son, Theras, on this island, giving the island it’s Other nickname, Thera.

this is again just a vague implication that the island might not be real at all, or that it was formed through cosmic means.

the next two posts are more non-puzzle hints, the first showing the definition of the word ‘fresh’ (new), and the second being images of total drama backgrounds with no characters and the text reading “they were always empty.” more, admittedly very outlandish implications that the island is some kind of illusion, but again mostly just another try to drag people into the blog.

puzzle 6. (x) this one introduces a new concept to the regular translation rules, some of the characters are laying down. its kinda supposed to imply they’re “dead” and that you need to take their corresponding letters out of the alphabet given on the Caesar cipher page, below the shift. The upright characters translate to “-9″, so you shift ‘A’ back 9 letters. Then remove the letters; “TH-E-R-A-S”, and with those letters taken out, you can finally translate the text.

“he creates life solely to destroy it. to crush it in his hands. he births chaos so that he may have something to control. the power has given him madness. the isolation, arrogance. don't try to stop him, he's already chosen to be unstoppable. his mind is a perfectly crafted prison, one we will all soon be living in.”

this is where the story gets more on the nose. it’s talking about chris, and about him being an unstoppable cosmic force, a diety who can create worlds within his own mind, and he does so maliciously just for power. hes created the campers through mental energy just to torment them. it also hints that his plan is to expand the world of total drama island and engulf the whole universe.

puzzle 7. (x) same as the last puzzle. beaver and moose translate to ‘1-0′ or ten. the characters lying down to remove from the caesar cipher alphabet are “T-U-L-P-A”. this doesnt have anything to do with the modern way some ppl interact with tulpas but just the actual idea of creating thoughtforms, or willing your thoughts into real life creations, referencing how chris has created the entire island and everyone on it solely through his mind. with those letters removed and the shift set forward 10, you get this:

“his psychic power is unfathomable. the reality he bore was just a passing thought. an idea that became so dangerous. he predates the idea of a mind, the minds own ability to recognize itself, his synapses are paradoxically ancient. the island exists only within himself, to torment the souls hes created, and damned from the start. will they ever be free?”

it states that chris is more than a man or even just a diety, hes an all powerful god already, yet he craves more power. the final line, “will they ever be free” is in reference to the campers, which segways into the next arc;;; freeing the campers from chris’ psychic island imprisonment.

puzzle 8. (x) to solve this one you have to translate the top image with the tangodeltaindia cipher key, and add it to the text given, which creates a link. this leads to a PDF, a page from a book written by terence mckenna. he’s a famous ethnobotanist known best for his studies on DMT, the strongest hallucinogenic drug in the world, its also known as the spirit molecule. many people on this drug (without any prior knowledge of this phenomenon) will recount meeting strange fractal beings that can create things in the universe just by speaking them into existence, theyve come to be known as ‘machine elves’, a term coined by mckenna. ill show the most important excerpt from the page;

this is less about the psychedelic drug part and more about the words and ideas, like “punching a hole through a dimension so it pours through” and “if god didnt exist man would invent him”. its more worldbuilding towards chris’ power and cosmic abilities

then come 2 more clues. a picture of chris holding his own body captioned ‘ego death’, and the meaning behind the name ‘chris mcclean’. the latter is another “please look over here” post, but the first is another minor reference to the previous puzzles answer involving DMT and terence mckenna. ‘ego death’ is a term again used with strong psychedelic drugs, its the sensation that your spirit as you know it is literally Dying, and you are instead connected to and a part of everything around you. another reference to chris’ power and how he may look like a man but his body and spirit are connected to the world hes built in unfathomable ways. at this point im cementing the idea that chris mclean is not a mortal man and cannot be fought with mortal weapons

puzzle 9. (x) this one was an attempt to make easier to solve puzzles, and comes with a visual of chris looming over the island. the text is in wingdings, which can be translated through multiple websites found through google. it says;

“s︎o︎o︎n︎ h︎e︎ w︎i︎l︎l︎ s︎l︎e︎e︎p.︎ h︎e︎ w︎i︎l︎l︎ d︎r︎e︎a︎m︎ a︎ n︎e︎w︎ h︎e︎l︎l︎,︎ a︎n︎d︎ t︎h︎a︎t︎ w︎i︎l︎l︎ b︎e︎ o︎u︎r︎ o︎n︎l︎y︎ c︎h︎a︎n︎c︎e︎,︎ t︎o︎ s︎a︎v︎e︎ h︎i︎s︎ c︎r︎e︎a︎t︎i︎o︎n︎s︎,︎ a︎n︎d︎ f︎r︎e︎e︎ t︎h︎o︎s︎e︎ w︎h︎o︎ w︎e︎r︎e︎ n︎e︎v︎e︎r︎ d︎e︎s︎i︎g︎n︎e︎d︎ t︎o︎ b︎e︎ f︎r︎e︎e︎.︎ t︎h︎i︎s︎ m︎a︎y︎ c︎o︎m︎e︎ a︎t︎ a︎ c︎o︎s︎t︎.︎ t︎h︎e︎ n︎i︎g︎h︎t︎m︎a︎r︎e︎ m︎u︎s︎t︎ e︎n︎d︎,︎ t︎h︎e︎ o︎u︎r︎o︎b︎o︎r︎o︎s︎ o︎f︎ h︎i︎s︎ s︎y︎n︎c︎o︎pe︎ m︎u︎s︎t︎ c︎l︎o︎s︎e︎,︎ b︎u︎t︎ i︎t︎ m︎a︎y︎ t︎u︎r︎n︎ o︎u︎r︎ e︎f︎f︎o︎r︎t︎s︎ o︎f︎ s︎a︎l︎v︎a︎t︎i︎o︎n︎ t︎o︎ d︎u︎s︎t︎.︎ o︎u︎r︎ f︎i︎g︎h︎t︎ m︎i︎g︎h︎t︎ e︎n︎d︎ i︎n︎ s︎a︎c︎r︎i︎f︎i︎c︎e︎,︎ r︎e︎n︎d︎e︎r︎i︎n︎g︎ h︎i︎s︎ l︎a︎s︎t︎ i︎n︎v︎e︎n︎t︎i︎o︎n︎ b︎u︎t︎ a︎ c︎e︎a︎s︎e︎l︎e︎s︎s︎ v︎o︎i︎d︎.︎ w︎e︎ m︎a︎y︎ s︎e︎e︎ h︎o︎r︎r︎o︎r︎s︎ t︎h︎a︎t︎ c︎a︎u︎s︎e︎ t︎h︎e︎ s︎t︎a︎r︎s︎ t︎o︎ s︎h︎u︎d︎d︎e︎r︎,︎ b︎u︎t︎ w︎e︎ m︎u︎s︎t︎ t︎a︎ke︎ t︎h︎i︎s︎ c︎h︎a︎n︎c︎e︎.︎ w︎e︎ h︎a︎v︎e︎ n︎o︎t︎h︎i︎n︎g︎ t︎o︎ l︎o︎s︎e︎,︎ a︎n︎d︎ a︎ w︎o︎r︎l︎d︎ o︎f︎ n︎o︎t︎h︎i︎n︎g︎n︎e︎s︎s︎ t︎o︎ e︎n︎d︎.︎ m︎a︎y︎ t︎h︎e︎ s︎e︎a︎ s︎w︎a︎l︎l︎o︎w︎ u︎p h︎i︎s︎ i︎s︎l︎a︎n︎d︎ o︎f︎ l︎i︎e︎s︎.︎ g︎o︎d︎ pr︎o︎t︎e︎c︎t︎ y︎o︎u︎.︎”

this is essentially saying that the island, the campers, werent all just created from his mind, but from his dreams. this confirms that he Sleeps, and claims hes going to sleep again soon, and during that time period theres a chance to kill him before he can dream up another world (or season) to control and torment. its also saying that theres a chance killing him will destroy the island and campers, but that its the only choice we would have to end the cycle. hey guys i am so bored and over the years i have been on every stimulant and anti depressant doctors are legally allowed to prescribe and its still just not quite there yet huh

puzzle 10. (x) the video, the title translates to “the island of his eye”. its just meant to encapsulate everything ive already been hinting around at but with real footage and some audios taken from the show, and again, it was me tryna make some lore that was easy to digest and also terrifying to an audience with no other context. the final images are the only new clues, if you pause fast enough you can barely make out the characters that (paired with the tangodeltaindia cipher key) would say “set them free”, and you can also see an aerial view of what is actually called “the eye of argentina”. it is a real island that rotates atop a swamp, it is geometrically perfect and no one really knows for sure why it rotates the way it does or how it was formed. this clue is simply related back to the idea that the island of wawanakwa’s location is not in canada, and that it does not function like a normal island.

puzzle 11. (x) what td blog is complete without a uquiz? anyways, it doesnt matter how you answer the quiz, theres only one possible result. the title is a link to a mega file, which is protected with a decryption key. the image attached to the result, when deciphered, is the randomly generated key to the unlock the file. the image you see from the file is this; (TW for mentions of self harm and eye trauma)

in case this is too hard to read ill transcribe what it says;

“How to escape the dream - accept that there is no dream to escape, and no you to escape it. - believe in it anyways. - sleep on your back. - cover your eyes. - hide a nail under the pillow. - wait for the ringing. - when you first see him, dont call his name. dont speak. - keep your eyes shut. - on the second night, ask where the camp is. he wont respond verbally. - on the third night, you’ll see his eyes. - on the fourth night, you’ll enter them. - you can’t turn back after the fifth night. - don’t try to hide your fears. he knows them before you arrive. - don’t shut your eyes for too long when it becomes too much. you risk losing them. - find chris mclean. - don’t stop till the nail is through the socket. - repeat on the other side. - repeat on yourself. - congratulations. they are free”

this is, believe it or not, an idea that comes from my very own sleep paralysis experiences. ive dealt with it a lot, so why not make a weird ritual thing for an arg based off it ig. so whenever i’d fall asleep on my back, i’d eventually hear this ringing in my ears (or it’d happen upon waking up), and then the sleep paralysis would begin. i only ‘saw’ stuff a couple times but the fear for me was really more about the overwhelming sensation of pure dread that always came along with it even when i was aware what was happening, and i Always got this feeling too that if i opened my eyes in that moment, something was gonna stab them.

so moving on to how that applies to the arg, the first few lines are about how, obviously, the island is not real, even in the lore being given its a figment of chris’ imagination, but you have to enter it anyways, and the only way to do that is to believe its real. then it tells you how to ‘enter’ that world, (btw i didn’t expect anyone to actually follow these instructions if found, but even if they did, the whole ‘sleep paralysis being caused by sleeping on your back’ thing usually only happens if you’re predisposed to having it and only happens to Some people who have it, so the intent was like. never to bring that upon anybody. but if you are prone to sleep paralysis plz do not attempt even as a joke or anything thx)

the parts about hallucinating chris then are as follows, “ask about the camp / he wont respond verbally” , meaning he will show you through a dream instead, one that might look a lot like the video from before. “on the third night you will see his eyes”, meaning you will see the island but not be able to interact with it, or basically, how we see total drama on tv right now. “on the fourth night you’ll enter (his eyes)” references the island existing ‘within his eyes’, meaning you will enter the actual island. the next night chris will sleep and you will be able to enter the island again and find him. the idea with the nail is that, if you destroy his eyes you destroy the ‘island’ within them. wrapping back around to sleep paralysis, the idea of stabbing yourself with the nail afterwards is because sometimes, the only thing you can move during sleep paralysis is your fingertips and toes, and wiggling those can help bring you out of the paralysis. so at first how i used to wake myself up, but it didnt usually work fast enough so oftentimes id just pinch the shit out of my fingers and use pain to make my muscles start up faster.

the next post is a link to a countdown. again, i knew nobody was rly following at this point, but i wanted a little more build up before just dropping the ending. it was set up to end 5 days after the last post, aka the one that mentioned a 5 night dream ritual.

puzzle 12. (x) going all the way back to the normal multi step translation puzzles. the coloring of the cipher is a bit different, and its missing chris, but its meant to be used the same as it was before, these changes are only for dramatic effect. and chris is gone because well. we mentally offed him in the inception dream land last time. so anyways the snake = 6, shift A to 6, take out the letters “R-I-C-K” of the characters laying in their graves, and you get this translation;

“its almost time. we must now crack open our minds like a crowbar to a sealed chest. like an egg to a pan. to find our way into camp wawanakwa our ego cannot remain intact, and to traverse it we must stay strong. to escape it, we must glue the pieces back together. now we sleep. dream. end the nightmare.”

this is a final message before ‘entering the island’ to kill chris and free the campers from the island. it acts like a pep talk.

the next post is just the countdown ending.

puzzle 13 (the finale). (x)

this post sends you to a new blog entirely, called @awakenfromthenightmare​. there is only one post on it. the post has another link to a mega file, and the link is attached onto a string of text. follow the link by clicking, then copy the text and paste it in as the decryption key. now you have another image to translate with the tangodeltaindia cipher;

when translated, the text is another link to a youtube video. 

 www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ

so there you have it, that video is the ending to the entire arg. it didnt really end the way i wanted at first, i got burnt out from no engagement about halfway through which isnt anybody elses fault, but i still felt this was a well crafted and fitting finale. thank you all for reading.

[zenog88]

I got tagged by @a-madteaparty, thanks for the tag!

20 Questions

1. What do you prefer to be called (name wise)? Jonathan

2. When is your bday? In the frosty month of February.

3. Where do you live? Only the most beautiful place in the world, Alberta, Canada

4. Three things I am doing right now? Laying in bed with my dog, listening to music and answering these questions 🤣

5. Four Fandom that have piqued your interest? Lord of the Rings, the Hobbit, Pokémon, and I guess World of Warcraft

6. How has the pandemic been treating you? This is a strange question lol but it's been different. I've been better and I've been worse as well 😋

7. A song I can't stop listening to? Depends on the mood I'm in. "Wish you Were Here" by Pink Floyd is always one I could play on repeat forever

8. Recommend a movie: I don't go out and see new movies often. I'll say both the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit trilogys if you haven't seen them

9. How old are you? I don't answer these types of questions, get too know me better lol

10. School, University, Occupation?

Journeyman Electrican

11. Do you prefer to be hot or cold? Again it depends; if your cold you can put more layers on but you can only take off so many layers of clothes 😂

12. Name a fact others may not know about you?

13. Are you shy? Yerp...

14. Preferred pronouns? He

15. Biggest pet peeve? Treating others like your above them, or treating service staff like shit

16. Favorite dere type? ???yes or no...maybe...(I don't know what this is referring too lol)

17. Rate your life from 1-10? On the sine wave I would say I'm on the up

18. What is your main Blog? Zenog88

19. List all your side blogs and what are they for? Who makes side blogs🤨? Just one blog with EVERYTHING and anything that I like

20. Is there anything people should know before becoming friends with you? This is a loaded question, all I'll say is I'm different.

I will tag: @shinyyellowsunshines , @lunore , @wrenthechaos , @wizard1958 , @youropinionsareirrelevant , @grass-whore , @johnny-horror

Only answer if you want too 😃🙃

[ladyreapermc]

Fic: Catching Feelings 10/10 (Keanu x OFC)

Summary: AU in which Keanu is down on his luck after he comes to Hollywood trying to be an actor. To earn some money, he joins this app for escorts and meets Steph, a rising star who hires him to try to forget her ex. Neither of them is expecting to fall in love and all the problems it brings. Previous Chapters ( 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9)

Author’s notes: This is it, folks. The last chapter. This fic has been such an amazing experience for me and I’m so proud of it. I look back at it and I know I’d like to work a bit in a few points, but I think overall, it turned out pretty good. I want to thank everyone who stayed until the end. I hope you guys enjoy this last chapter and maybe I’ll get back to it for a few outtakes and how the future looks like for Steph and Ke.

Wordcount: 4455

Warnings: fluff. so. much. fluff. Also very soft sex. 

Keanu’s cheeks hurt from grinning so wide as they stepped out of the stage. It had been a great set. The energy high, the crowd receptive. Some of them even knew a few lyrics, singing along with Brett. It was amazing and once again he gave a silent prayer to the universe that they could finally do this professionally. Well, to the universe and Steph. He had to admit if she hadn’t sent Mike their way, Dogstar would probably still be struggling.

Once again, his chest ached at the thought of her. She had been in his mind the entire day and the dull pain was pulsing on and off with every beat of his heart, reminding him of what he lost. Some days were easier to push thoughts of Steph aside, but between his conversation with Kim and playing Honesty Anyway, Keanu was missing her more than usual.

Needing a moment for himself, he waved at Brett and Robert and headed to the alley in back of the club so he could smoke a cigarette before joining his friends for a celebratory beer. The last thing he expected to see in that cold autumn night, in his hometown of all places, was Steph.

At first, Keanu thought he might be imagining her. His heart longing for her and making his mind see things, but her name still escaped his lips as he watched her standing there, her back to him. He knew it was real by the way she tensed at his voice, but his confirmation came when Steph finally turned and looked at him.

It always hit him like a punch how gorgeous she was. Keanu had always heard the expression breathtakingly beautiful, but he never really experienced it. That feel of air being sucked out your lungs at the sight of someone. Not until he met Steph.

He took an unconscious step forward needing to see her better, closer. To feel her warm skin and smell her scent and taste her lips again, but Keanu froze. He couldn’t. Not after everything that happened. Not with the way they hurt each other.

“I didn’t know you were performing tonight,” she whispered, fidgeting with the CD in her hands, looking anywhere but him. “We came here to celebrate the wrap up for the movie. I had no idea…”

“You were shooting here in Toronto?” Keanu asked and she nodded. What were the odds? It almost felt like fate. If one believed in that sort of thing.

Time trickled by as they stood there. The silence stretching between them, heavy with all the things left unsaid last time they shared the same space and Keanu raked his brain for something to say, but his voice was suddenly caught in his throat, overwhelmed by the sight of her.

“I should…” Steph gestured to the club. “People are probably wondering where I am.”

“Yeah.” Keanu nodded, struggling against the lump in his throat. “Same with Rob and Brett.”

“It was good to see you, Keanu,” she whispered, taking a step back. “You guys were really great.”

“Wait!” He called out before Steph could go too far and she turned to look at him again. “Can we talk? Please?”

He saw Steph hesitate, glancing back before looking at him. Keanu could see the doubt in her expression but also hope. Maybe. He wished it was hope. Like he felt it too. Keanu truly regretted how they left things back in Paris and he thought about reaching out countless times, but with the entire press circus, he thought it would be for the best to leave it be. However, she was here now, and the media had finally forgotten about them. Maybe it was time. Maybe there could be a way… If Steph was willing.

“Ok,” she agreed. “I’ll just grab my coat and let my people know I’m leaving.”

Keanu just nodded in reply, watching as she disappeared back in the club before he dug out his phone and texted Rob and Brett, finally lighting up the cigarette he had been planning to. This time the goal was the calm his nerves. She was here. Steph was here of all places.

Sooner than he expected, Steph re-emerged, dark coat wrapped around her shape, hair pulled back in a ponytail, a few strands had remained stubbornly loose sticking to her neck and Keanu had to fight the urge to push them aside and kiss her nape as he guided the way to a burger joint a couple of streets over.

The diner was an after-party kind of place, food greasy, furniture even greasier. He hadn’t been there in ages but his usual booth was free and Keanu slid across the familiar red vinyl seat letting the warm environment of the dinner surround him and soothe his nerves.

They placed their order and just sat there in awkward silence while it was getting made. Keanu drummed his fingers nervously, wondering why this was so hard when talking to Steph used to be as easy as breathing to him. She was one of the few people that knew almost everything there was to know about him. Including the bits, Keanu could never bring himself to tell Kim.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed out, at last making Steph look up startled. “About Paris. I didn’t understand what it would cost you…”

“Keanu, no,” she shook her head reaching across the table to take his hand. “I was the jerk. I should be the one apologizing. What I did in that restaurant, that was…”

“As bad as me ditching you half-drunk in a nightclub while your ex harassed you?” Keanu interrupted an awkward, sad smile in his lips.

He had come to terms that yes, what Steph did was terrible, but he wasn’t a saint either. Jealousy was an ugly look on both of them.

“I guess,” she huffed, not exactly a laugh. More like a realization. “I forgot about that.”

“I didn’t,” Keanu sighed, grabbing a napkin and twisting between the fingers of his free hand. “And I never even apologized for it. I’m sorry. For everything.”

“Me too,” Steph said and there was so much in those two words.

Time seemed to stand still while they sat there, gaze locked together, fingers entwined with each other. It felt like they were sharing an entire conversation without saying anything. Baring their hearts for one another with just one look that spoke of regret and guilt, but also longing and affection.

 The moment was broken when the waitress brought over their order: burgers, fries, and milkshakes for both, but it was alright. In those precious seconds in which they just looked at each other, that deep understanding they once shared returned and they knew they would be alright. There was a lot to figure out, but they both knew they would figure out as they went.

They stayed in the diner until closing time, talking and laughing like they used to do before everything turned to shit. It was perfect and it felt like no time had passed at all between them. Keanu wanted to kick himself for wasting so much time, for holding onto something that would never make him happy only due to his pride.

Keanu shared a uber with Steph back to her hotel even if it was a detour from his mother’s house, where he was staying. He just wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her, but as they stood on the steps that led to the reception area, he had no other excuse.

“Well, goodnight,” he said, hands in his pockets, head ducked, hair covering his eyes.

“‘Night, Ke,” Steph whispered, her lips brushing the corner of his, her small hand resting on his arm as she raised herself on her toes to kiss him. “I’m staying until Sunday, maybe we can get coffee or something?”

“I can’t…” he sighed with a wince. “We’re heading for Vancouver in the morning. Another gig.”

“Oh.” She looked disappointed, but proud at the same time as she met his eyes. “Then maybe we can meet when you’re back in LA.”

“Which won’t be for another month,” Keanu replied sheepishly. “So, I could maybe call you in the meanwhile. Like we used to do?”

“Yeah.” Steph grinned wide and nodded. “That sounds good.”

---

Keanu was exhausted, but happy. They had finished their tour very successfully. Most of their gigs had been packed and their CD sales had been great. Mike said they were heading the right way and after a couple of weeks of downtime, he expected Dogstar to be back in business, working on some new songs for a second record.

During the month he had been traveling around Canada and US playing, Keanu had kept in touch with Steph. They were hesitant at first, walking in eggshells and trying to avoid any tricky topics that might set off an argument until Keanu got sick of it. He wanted them to go back to how they were and he said so one night after one too many celebratory beers while they were facetiming.

“We can’t, Ke,” Steph sighed, a shadow of pain crossing over her expression. “But I hope we can find a way to make things different. Better.”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, tapping on his bottle. “Ok, rule number one: no bottling up. If we don’t feel good about something, we tell the other.”

“And the other has to actually listen before reacting,” Steph pointed out, a smile sneaking into her lips. “Also, we’re obviously not good at sharing so…”

“Yeah. Definitely,” Keanu nodded before she could even finish. “What you wanna do about the press?”

“Fuck them!” Steph declared, tone forceful and with a harsh edge. “I’m done living my life on their terms.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes,” she paused, bottom lip between her teeth. “You? And your band? Because it might affect them.”

“They’re fine with it,” Keanu assured with a little laugh. “Rob actually said he was happy the kicked puppy look was finally out of my face.” Steph chuckled too at that. “And I’m fine with it. If you really want this.”

“I do,” she assured, with a smile and he saw her glancing at something off the frame, before looking back at the screen. “Only three more weeks.”

“And time flies,” Keanu added, smiling too.

It did fly at first. Especially when Keanu was entertained with the band and the shows, but as the day of returning to Los Angeles got closer, this eagerness to see Steph in flesh and bone seemed to turn every minute in an hour. Every hour in a day.

He was unfocused and distracted, always lost in thoughts about what it would be like to see her again. At times, Brett and Rob had to call his name several times before Keanu could break away from his daydreaming to actually focus on the matter at hand. They both took it in stride, knowing very well how it felt to be in love like that and happy that their friend was finally getting back to his normal self.

Finally, he was home and anxiety consumed him as Keanu got ready to go see her. Steph assured that she was fine with waiting until morning, knowing that he would be landing so late at night, but Keanu wanted to head straight from the airport if that was ok. He couldn’t wait to see her. Not anymore. Not when they were in the same city once again, only minutes away from each other.

He packed put his bass case and duffle on the back of the taxi, twisting the hem of his shirt under his fingers as the car made its way through the sinuous roads of Hollywood Hills towards Steph’s house, the familiar landmarks making his heart beat faster at each turn until the cab finally stopped in front of her place.

Keanu was shaking when he got out of the car, duffle in one hand, bass on the other. Much like the first time he had been here, a slow drizzle was falling, filling the air with the scent of wet earth. He knew he should get out of the rain; his case wasn’t waterproof and he couldn’t risk damaging his bass.

It was only a couple of steps towards the intercom, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, his feet seemed stuck to the concrete sidewalk. What if he ruined this again? What if they couldn’t make it work?

Keanu jumped startled when the gate buzzed and swung open without prompt. When it registered in his mind, he couldn’t help but smile. Steph must have been watching the cameras or the window and saw him arriving. That was enough to make him take a step forward, still anxious, still afraid, but at least he knew he wasn’t the only one.

“Hi,” she greeted as soon as she pulled the door open, sounding as breathless as Keanu felt and his smile widened when he saw Steph was wearing his t-shirt. The one he had long left behind in her house.

“Hey.” It was the only thing that Keanu could manage. God, he missed her.

They stood awkwardly by the door, watching one another. Eyes mirroring each other awed of being physically together again until Steph let out a short chuckle and stepped aside so Keanu could actually walk in.

A lot had changed in her place since the last time he had been there. The walls featured a different color and there were no longer movie posters from her previous works hanging around. Instead, beautiful photographs from the landscapes and skylines hung in their place and he took a moment to admire them, recognizing one as the view from Hollywood Hills from that spot Keanu had taken her when they went for a motorcycle ride.

“What do you think?” Steph asked, standing a couple of steps behind him and Keanu glanced at her.

“Beautiful. Did you take them?” A blush spread through her cheeks as she nodded.

“I had a lot of time off these last few months,” she replied with a shrug. “I thought a new hobby was in order.” She led the way to the sitting room, gesturing for him to leave his things wherever it was convenient. “Did you eat? I think I have some leftover lasagna Vincent made last night…”

Steph trailed off when Keanu’s arm came around her waist, preventing her from making her into the kitchen, bringing her into his arms instead.

“Hi,” he said, resting his forehead against hers and Steph grinned.

“Hey.”

Their lips finally met for that much needed, much-yearned kiss and Keanu sighed in contentment at the taste of her; the feel of her in his arms. He didn’t know when it happened and couldn’t believe how he didn’t notice before, but Steph tasted and felt like home to him.

For how long, Keanu didn’t know, but it explained why he had felt adrift for the last few months, even when coming back to his home town and his mother’s house, Keanu hadn’t felt that same comfort, the belonging that he felt right now.

“I missed you so much,” Steph sighed against his mouth, her hands threading through his hair. “I thought about you every single day.”

“Me too,” he said, his hands coming under her shirt, desperate to feel the warmth and softness of her skin. “Gosh! Why were we such idiots?”

“I don’t know,” she chuckled, shoving at his jacket, making Keanu let go of her only long enough so she could push it off him, before returning to her back. “But I’m not letting you go again.”

“Good,” he smiled, nipping at her lower lip, making her giggle. “Because I’m not planning on going anywhere.”

With a grin, Keanu hoisted her Steph up, her legs coming around his waist as she grinned too and let him take her to the master bedroom, laying her gently on the bed, before standing up again and kicking his shoes and socks.

“How do you want me, ma’am?” he asked, kneeling in front of her and Steph paused, her eyes shining with warmth and love.

“Come’re, babe,” she called, offering him a hand and guiding Keanu until he was lying on top of her, between her legs, his clothed erection pressing against her hip as their lips met once more.

The kiss slow, soft, exploring. Their hands roaming each other’s bodies, touching and peeling off layers of clothing until they were naked together, chests pressed against one another as they moved in sync. Lips found those familiar spots that made the other moan, their breath catching in their throats, their bodies growing hotter, slick with sweat, sliding against each other.

Keanu reached between them, finding her entrance with his fingers, rubbing and teasing, making Steph arch up, her fingers digging on his back. He smiled against her neck as he toyed with her clit, the look of ecstasy in her face making the burning need in the base of his spine grow, his cock hard, heavy and leaking against her thigh as she rolled her hips against the two fingers he pushed inside her.

He moaned at the way of her walls quivered around his digits, tight and wet and how Keanu missed this. The feel of her cunt welcoming him in, gripping at him like it was trying to keep him there forever.

“Fuck me, Ke,” Steph gasped, pulling at his hair so he could look at her. “I need you inside me.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Keanu panted, a smile drawing on his lips as he replaced his fingers with his cock, pushing into her welcoming heat slowly, grunting and gasping at the perfect tightness around him. Steph’s own moans making the need inside him grow as they slotted together, his cock completely sheathed inside her, his sticky forehead resting against hers as they caught their breath and adjusted to the overwhelming feeling of being united again.

“I missed this,” she said, a wide smile in her lips as Steph brushed some strands of hair away from his face. “No one makes me feel like this.”

“I know what you mean,” he gasped, adjusting her legs around his waist. “Guess we were just made for each other.”

“Yeah,” Steph agreed, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “Now move, babe.”

There it was again, the command in her voice. That tone that seemed to ignite something deep inside Keanu, stroking the heat of pleasure and with a smirk, he pulled back until only his tip remained, before slamming into her, making Steph cry out and curse, her heels digging on his lower back.

“Fuck yes! Just like that, Ke,” she exclaimed, raising her hips to meet his as they found their rhythm, their bodies reacquainted with each other.

Sooner than Keanu liked, he felt the telltale coil in the pit of his spine ready to snap. Steph was shaking and quivering, her walls squeezing him tight. She was close too.

“I’m gonna…” he warned, speeding up his thrusts, desperately seeking his release. She just nodded, shifting her body underneath him until they were rooting against each other, mouths locked into a gasping kiss, sharing breath and moans.

“Come in me, babe,” she whispered, making him snap.

Keanu grunted and groaned her name as he kept thrusting through his orgasm until Steph was squeezing and pulsing around him, her head thrown back in a wordless cry as she came moments after him.

They laid there together, resting against each other until Keanu grew soft inside her and tried to pull away but Steph just tightened her hold around him, making him stay still. For such a tiny woman, she was surprisingly strong.

“We’re making a mess on the bed,” he chuckled, rubbing his nose against hers.

“We can change the duvet later.” Steph smiled at him. “I just want to stay here, with you for a little longer.”

“Ok,” Keanu relented, meeting her lips for a sweet kiss. “You know, you never let me be on top before.”

“Really?” she frowned at him, obviously thinking back on their previous encounters. “I should let you do it more often. It’s nice to just relax and take it.” Keanu chuckled against her cheek and Steph giggled too.

“Can we stay like this forever?” he asked, meeting her soft gaze.

“I told you, babe,” Steph started, caressing his cheek. “I’m not letting you go again.”

“Good,” Keanu smiled, settling against her chest so they could drift off to sleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

---

Steph wrung her hands together on her lap, her eyes darting over to her phone every couple of seconds as if she stared at it long enough, it would make it ring. Like she could mentally will Keanu’s flight to arrive when it was delayed due to a storm in Seattle.

“Stop doing that,” Jean chided coming into the room. “You’re gonna ruin your nails. He’ll be here.”

“I know, I know,” she sighed, settling her hands on her lap and trying to look at her friend and agent without turning her head and disturbing the stylish working on her hair. “I just worried. What if he doesn’t make it?”

“Then he won’t walk the red carpet with you,” he said with a gentle smile. “But we always knew that was a possibility, honey. He will be there for the movie and afterparty though. You know it.”

She did. Of course, she did. Keanu had assured her that if Steph wanted him to accompany her to the movie’s premiere, even if the fact would stir up the rumor mill again, he would do it and fuck the media. Jean and Steph even talked to Katheryn about it and she couldn’t care less.

The movie had done wonderfully in Cannes, which had been the first showing of it. Both Katheryn and Steph were showered with compliments for their work so the director was pretty confident that having some gossip about Steph and her boyfriend wouldn’t damage the movie’s success. And if it did, well, Katheryn didn’t want those judgmental people anywhere near her work. Steph only wished she had Katheryn’s confidence.

Despite telling Keanu she didn’t give a fuck about what the press would say about them, as soon as the first paparazzi pictures hit the tabloids, she felt it like a punch. The mean comments and jokes. Photographers hounding both of them for information, but they managed to push through it and after a couple of weeks, things died down.

Especially when news of Kevin’s divorce, only a month after his wedding, hit the news and gossip turned to him. It wasn’t surprising that he cheated on her, but it wasn’t often that the cheated spouse released the photos of the betrayal just so she could have the legal grounds to wipe out his bank account since she didn’t sign a prenup.

Steph didn’t want to be petty, but when Jean called her to deliver the news, she couldn’t help the small chuckle from escaping her lips. Karma truly was a bitch. That had been six months ago and while Kevin got what was coming for him, Steph was enjoying her best life and couldn’t be happier despite the first wave of insecurity.

After the first month, Keanu just moved into her place already, since he was barely seeing the inside of his own apartment. With the money he was saving by not paying rent, they converted her basement into a soundproof studio so he, Rob and Brett could work on their new album. Steph’s garage now held not only her Audi, but Keanu’s Norton and the prototype of a motorcycle Keanu and Gard were working on, trying to get it into the market so they could make Arch grow.

Her house was suddenly filled with people like never before in her life and Steph didn’t know she loved it this much. She loved sitting at a corner, watching Dogstar play. Taking pictures every now and then, since it was her newest passion ever since she took a break from acting.

She loved acting and she would always love it, but after everything that happened, Steph wanted to make sure she was picking the right roles not only moneywise but because they had an actual message to deliver, much like Katheryn’s movie. Fortunately, she had plenty of savings and slowly as few ad companies were coming back, asking to work with Steph again.  

After that mess of a year, it was nice to see things getting into place.

It was nice to be completely happy, be in peace with her career, her romantic life and have friends. They were even thinking about getting a pet together, maybe a rescue dog, though Steph had always been more of a cat person herself. They even had an appointment the Monday morning after the weekend premiere.

If Keanu made it back in time that is. Dogstar had flown over to Seattle to shoot their first music video and since the three of them loved grunge, it would only be fitting that they shot at the birthplace of that music genre.

“All done,” the stylish announced, bringing Steph back from her musings and she looked at the mirror, smiling at the simple, yet elegant side bun in her hair. It fit perfectly with her light makeup and knee-length black dress.

“Thank you so much,” Steph said, walking into the closet to put her dress on while Jean showed the woman out. She was still debating over which shoes to wear when she heard the door again. “Think I should go for the stilettos? I mean, they murder my feet but they’re so pretty…”

“They are,” the deep voice startled her, and Steph turned around quickly to look at Keanu, standing there in a tailored suit, hair neatly combed, looking so perfect. “Especially when you’re only wearing them and your lingerie.”

“Oh my God! You made it!” she all but shrieked, jumping on his waiting arms as Keanu chuckled against her ear.

“Watch the suit. If I get one wrinkle on it, Jean’s gonna murder me,” Keanu commented, putting her down. “You look beautiful.”

“You always say that,” Steph smiled, standing on her toes to meet his lips.

“That’s because you’re always beautiful.”

“You two stop being cute and get your ass in gear,” Jean called from the door. “Car is waiting.”

“Sir, yes sir,” Steph joked, grabbing her shoes and her purse and following Keanu outside.

“Are you ready to do this?” he asked, getting the door for her.

“With you?” Steph asked, pausing in front of him, a huge smile gracing her lips. “Always.”

XXX The end XXX

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@baphometwolf666​ @thesadvampire​

[lesmiserabby]

Tagged by @queen-paladin, thanks for the tag!

1. what is the color of your hairbrush? Red

2. name a food you never eat: Oh there are so many.... But the no bacon and no poutine seem to be horrifying to my fellow Canadians

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? Too warm is the one I actually notice so I’m gonna go with that

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? Practicing piano

5. what’s your favorite candy bar? I’m assuming this translates to chocolate bar in Canadian and I’m not super big on chocolate... I enjoy the occasional Snickers though.

6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? Canada vs someone in Fifa over ten years ago, it rained a lot which was unfortunate because soccer is very much outside. It was fun enough, but I’ve never been super into sports, my dad and sibling loved it though.

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? Not counting humming along to my piano, I said goodnight to my mom.

8. what is your favorite ice cream? cookie dough or butterscotch swirl.

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? Sodastream orange soda

10. do you like your wallet? Very much, it’s BB-8!

11. what is the last thing you ate? spaghettini smothered in parmesan cheese

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nope

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? I dunno, probably some bits and pieces of hockey or soccer on tv?

14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Very specifically love the cheddar from this local place, absolutely fantastic, 10/10. Also love Smartfood white cheddar and also just regular popcorn with melted butter.

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? my boyfriend

16. ever been camping? yes, so many times growing up, used to go at least once every summer. I miss it. 

17. do you take vitamins? I try to, I have forgotten for the past month or so, they are definitely needed courtesy of my inability to eat a lot of things.

18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? Sort of, I try to, I’m a preacher’s kid, but I also get bad insomnia - like went to work on less than an hour of sleep the other day bad - and accidentally sleep instead. It was very pathetic that I couldn’t even get myself out of bed and into the kitchen when we were doing our services as livestreams from home.

19. do you have a tan? No, I kind of did this summer but it’s gone again. Generally I try to cover myself in sunscreen and avoid tanning because I have the complexion of an anemic vampire and I don’t tan, I just burn and then it fades, and I HATE it. 

20. do you prefer chinese or pizza? Pizza, 

21. do you drink your soda through a straw? Depends on how coordinated I’m feeling, but probably should use my straws more often, regardless of what I’m drinking. I frequently spill water on myself when I try to drink.

22. what color socks do you usually wear? black

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? Occasionally a couple kilometers over by accident, mostly I just walk places since I don’t have my own car. (do have my full G, cars are just too expensive)

24. what terrifies you? So so so many things. Spiders, being abandoned, losing loved ones, bitchy customers at work who don’t know how to read a menu

25. look to your left, what do you see? my wall

26. what chore do you hate most? Currently hating packing and I haven’t even started really beyond taking empty boxes from work oops

27. what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? Ok so 99.9% of the time wen I hear an Australian accent it is Siri on my boyfriend’s phone acting as a GPS and he likes to pretend to fight with Siri and be like “don’t tell me what to do” so I don’t really think anything so much as internally have a deep sigh and kind of laugh to myself. I love him.

28. what’s your favorite soda? Don’t really have one any more, used to be all over Pepsi but I’m trying to have less caffeine because insomnia and hoping cutting out caffeine helps (it hasn’t yet but oh well) so....

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? I usually only ever really get fast food when I’m at work and it literally is my workplace so... I’m just already there, inside, behind the counter.

30. what’s your favorite number? A nat 20 on a D20 when playing Dungeons and Dragons.

31. who’s the last person you talked to? Not counting texts to my boyfriend, my mom

32. favorite meat? Chicken and fish, for fish specifically walleye/pickerel (ideally from NWO) and salmon

33. last song you listened to? So Soon by Marianas Trench because that piano part with Josh Ramsay’s vocals is just beautiful

34. last book you read? Currently working through Axiom’s End by Lindsay Ellis and Spine of the Dragon by Kevin J Anderson for physical books and listening to Clash of Kings for audiobook.

35. favorite day of the week? Monday because that is my therapy and piano lesson day, the one day a week I always consistently know what I’m doing, other days are uncertain because work schedule is different every week.

36. can you say the alphabet backwards? I can barely say it normally.

37. how do you like your coffee? Nonexistant, the smell makes me nauseous.

38. favorite pair of shoes? My new work shoes, specifically because they’re new and therefore not falling apart.

39. time you normally get up? Depends on what my work schedule is.

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunset

41. how many blankets on your bed? 5? I think? If I counted right.

42. describe your kitchen plates: white

43. describe your kitchen at the moment: An island, cupboards, a stove, a dishwasher, a fridge, usually the dog is there begging for treats because she knows exactly where they are. I dunno, it’s a kitchen

44. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? Mike’s Hard Lemonade is always good, I also like mixing Sourpuss with Sprite or ginger ale, I like both the raspberry and green apple. 

45. do you play cards? No.

46. what color is your car? My parents have a white car, I am helping my boyfriend pay for his truck, he calls it our truck but it’s really his, the truck is silver

47. can you change a tire? I helped my dad change one once way back in high school, haven’t done it since, definitely don’t remember.

48. your favorite state or province? Gonna sound so Ontario-centric if I say Ontario but yeah.... But not south Ontario, specifically northwest Ontario, which really should be its own province. Manitoba’s nice too. Like I live here now but not big on South Ontario. Niagara is kinda pretty but please just send me back up north.

49. favorite job you’ve had? Honestly my current job. Like there are times that it sucks but I’ve been here over a year and the competition is housekeeping (dead body, deer skull, people getting drunk and puking all over the bathrooms) and that time I got screamed at by an alcoholic woman when I was 17 for “blowing off shifts” that I wasn’t even scheduled for when I had a throat infection and then asking for time off when my grandpa died (literally screamed at me day of) so like... yeah, McDonald’s is actually heavenly in comparison.

Tagging @autie-j and @bb8-boppity-boo

[perspicacious-dragon-of-welkin]

How did you know which major to choose in college?

TL;DR

Basically my advice is this:

Follow your gut. Find what feels right.

Keep your options as open as possible, but don't be afraid to dive deep into something.

Changing your mind is 100% OKAY. So many people take time off from school to figure themselves out. And maybe technical school is a better fit for you if working with your hands is your thing?? Or do a year of something and switch programs! Your courses might just count as electives in another degree.

You will be scared. Life is like that. But never make a decision out of fear. Never choose not to do something because of how you fear it may turn out. Decide based on what good could happen from each of your options.

Work hard, play hard. Join clubs, join groups, meet people. Your classes are only half of school. What you learn out of fun will stick with you way longer and be so much more helpful.

Finally, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You can't pour from an empty cup. After you graduate no one will care about your grades. A degree is a degree. And you can't work if you are drained. Your mind and body is a machine. It needs fuel, it need maintenance, and it needs appropriate rest. Keep yourself running well, and your life will become so much easier.

Haaaaaa...

Honestly? I didn't. Still don't really. But that’s okay.

See, the way it went was in Grade 11 (Where I live, high-school ends after Grade 12), so in grade 11 I started going to info fairs and stuff and hearing people's sales pitches for their programs, and universities and colleges. My grades were always best in Maths and Science courses, and I enjoyed those the most so I knew I was gonna go for something in STEM (Science Technology Engineering Mathematics). I'd had a few people say I'd be good at Engineering, and I'd taken like 30 online quizzes to find out what career would be best for me. I got things like "Custom Boat Builder" (What?? I mean, cool! But what?? Dude, I live in the prairies. Not many boats around here.), and "School Counsellor" (I felt my INFJ coming out in that one), and "Tour Guide", but Engineering of some type was usually somewhere on most of those lists, and it seemed most reasonable and attainable for me. My social skills aren't the best, and while I don't suck at talking to people it drains me a lot, so I really wasn't sure I wanted to make a career out of anything like that. Engineering held esteem, and good prospects for yearly salary, the stereotype around here is that Engineers can't communicate (mostly true) so expectations wouldn't be high for that... It was a good, safe choice, and presented a challenge for me. Everyone told me it would be hard. The hardest thing I'd ever done. I wanted to prove I could do it. So I did. Grade 12 I went to four or five engineering info sessions for local colleges and universities, and I researched any place I could possibly afford to go to in Canada. The list wasn't big.

Many universities were much more competitive than the one I chose, but mine was known for a very.. intimate? Student population? Small, but not too small, and students were known to join up and work together to get through things while some Universities had stories of students sabotaging other's work to gain a higher standing in their classes. The University was one of the cheapest ones (I really didn't have much money saved up. Student loans are definitely a thing), but it wasn't the cheapest on the list. It was one I felt would be of good quality. It wasn't too far from home, that I couldn't travel back in a day, but it was far enough it felt like I was starting something new on my own. I applied within the first four months of grade 12, about 8 months before the time I'd start classes there. I got accepted, found a place to live and completed my first year of General Engineering. After the first year in Uni we were able to request our discipline (what type of Engineering, e.g. Civil, Chemical, Mechanical, etc.) And we had had some opportunities through the year to hear what each discipline was about. I thought I would be going into Chem Eng when I started first year, but decided that was definitely not for me after I took my first university chemistry class, and heard what most chemical engineers did. I decided instead on Engineering Physics despite not really enjoying physics as much as the other sciences in High-school. There was just so many cool things to learn!! And they also told me Eng Phys was "the hardest discipline". It included an extra calculus course above the other disciplines and many other physics courses generally considered very difficult. Again, I wanted to prove I could do it. I went HARD. Studied hard. Took two classes per term above what the university recommended because that was the program. Honestly I think I burnt out. I worked too hard for too many years without taking proper care of myself. Averaging 4-6hrs of sleep a night and eating about 1 meal a day for two years.

***Seriously, take my advice: school is great and important, but TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Go out and make friends. Don't neglect your work to party, but don't neglect your social life to study. AND PLEASE eat and sleep at least close to the recommended amounts***

Anyway, I did some planning and altered my course load, changed some habits, started going to the gym regularly, and I'm doing better now. But you want to hear about major's right?

Basically I didn't choose. In my second year, I took my first ever coding course. I spent the least amount of time on that course and received my highest grade ever in university (still nowhere as high as my high-school grades, but it's uni.) Many of my classmates registered in a program that offered a computer science bachelor's degree alongside your engineering degree for 12 additional courses, which for engineering is about 1 year - 2 terms. I signed up immediately. Those classes have been a great confidence boost, average boost, brain break, and bonding experience with classmates also in the program.

So to tally this up, I'm then registered in

- BEng in Eng Phys, and

- BSc in Comp Sci.

Then, third year. We took the mandatory communications class (remember everyone says engineers can't communicate). I loved it. Decent grades. Not as great as my Comp Sci, but better than my Physics. The classes are in rhetorical theory and persuasion because when you do the math and actually know how something works, it's important you be able to tell people what you know and have them believe you. My professor was the incoming dean for a 'school of professional development' that had recently opened in the college. They were offering a certificate (6 courses, a.k.a. 1 term, half a year) in rhetorical theory and professional communication. Guess who also signed up for that?

So if you've been keeping track, that's a 4yr BEng, 3yr BSc (done in one yr due to double counting courses) and a 0.5yr certificate. That's 5.5yrs of undergrad I've suddenly racked up. And remember how I burnt out just a while back because my BEng program wants be to take 7 courses a term instead of 5? Well I made it 6yrs and smushed some courses over to fill that last year so I don't have toooo many more mental breakdowns or go completely insane.

And I mean hey, what's an education if you can't use it right? So I've been looking for summer student jobs to I can learn about the industry. Last summer I got one of those jobs. Hated it. Worst job of my life. I'm still hoping that experience wasn't representative of the entire industry, but we'll see. So I'm 4yrs done my 6yrs of undergrad, I've racked up an almost unimaginable amount of student debt, and I'm sitting in my bed wrapped in a blanket thinking I should have gone into psychology. I wanna help people. Everything I do is so cold. So calculated. I wanna exist where feelings are more than something to be smothered and exterminated. But hey. I can't stop now. So I'm gonna finish it all off. The great thing about EP is that the variation of jobs for this degree could be anything from Pixar animation studios to a technician at Nasa or JPL or SpaceX to Uranium mining. So my options are still open, I just gotta carve myself out a path. Nowhere to go but forward, right? And I have a full 180 degrees of forward to choose from! :)

So that's my story. Sorry for the length, but hey, you asked. Basically my advice is this:

Follow your gut. Find what feels right.

Keep your options as open as possible, but don't be afraid to dive deep into something.

Changing your mind is 100% OKAY. So many people take time off from school to figure themselves out. And maybe technical school is a better fit for you if working with your hands is your thing??

You will be scared. Life is like that. But never make a decision out of fear. Never choose not to do something because of how you fear it may turn out. Decide based on what good could happen from each of your options.

Work hard, play hard. Join clubs, join groups, meet people. Your classes are only half of school. What you learn out of fun will stick with you way longer and be so much more helpful.

Finally, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. You can't pour from an empty cup. After you graduate no one will care about your grades. A degree is a degree. And you can't work if you are drained. Your mind and body is a machine. It needs fuel, it need maintenance, and it needs appropriate rest. Keep yourself running well, and your life will become so much easier.

[thegreenmeridian]

@victorian-sexstache did a thing and I’m bored so I’m doing it too.

1. what color is your hair brush?

I shave my head, so I don’t have one

2. a food you never eat?

Fish. I do eat seafood though.

3. are you typically too warm or too cold?

Too warm. Always too warm.

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Playing solitaire on my iPad

5. what is your favorite candy bar?

Anything Reeses

6. have you ever been to a professional sporting event?

Yeah, I used to go watch the Eastbourne Eagles speedway team a lot. I miss that, speedway is awesome.

7. what was the last thing you said out loud?

“Hello babycakes” to my cat as he climbed over my head

8. what is your favorite ice cream?

I had apple strudel ice cream in Ramsgate as a child, I still think about that.

9. what was the last thing you had to drink?

Backwoods Bastard beer

10. do you like your wallet?

It’s alright. Just a regular wallet.

11. what was the last thing you ate?

Dry cereal. It’s call Havre Minifras, and it’s pleasantly bland.

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

My husband got new swim trunks so I got his old ones, if that counts?

13. the last sporting event you watched?

The 2018 Winter Olympics

14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

Salty-sweet. Or the weird cheese dust stuff Iceland has.

15. who was the last person you sent a text message to?

The husband

16. ever go camping?

Yeah, I got dragged to camp sites as a kid. Never liked it. I don’t wanna have to put on shoes and walk somewhere to take piss and I really like having an actual bed and not having to fuck about with calor has to eat.

17. do you take vitamins?

Yeah, I have chronic B-12 deficiency so I have to have ass injections occasionally.

18. do you go to church every sunday?

No, I wasn’t raised in a religion and I’ve no interest in joining one now. I went through a Unitarian phase for a couple of months after a bad breakup in 2015, though.

19. do you have a tan?

I have two settings, deathly pale or 2nd degree burns.

20. do you prefer chinese food or pizza?

These satisfy completely different needs for me so it’s impossible to compare. Also I’m British so obviously my favourite is Indian.

21. do you drink your soda with a straw?

Nope

22. what color socks do you usually wear?

I have two kinds of socks. Nike trainer liners and some Kirkland merino wool boot socks. These are the only socks I buy. So I basically just have shittons of each.

23. ever drive above the speed limit?

I don’t drive, so no.

24. what terrifies you?

Spiders.

25. look to your left, what do you see?

An X-Files ‘I WANT TO BELIEVE’ poster my husband got me for my birthday a few years ago.

26. what chore do you hate?

All of them.

27. what do you think of when you hear an australian accent?

Neighbours, and to a lesser extent, Home and Away

28. what is your favorite soda?

Ginger beer or Burn energy drink.

29. do you go to a fast food place or just hit the drive through?

I think I’ve been to a drive through maybe once in my life.

30. who was the last person you talked to?

Husband again!

31. favorite cut of beef?

I’m not much of a beef person and when I do have it, it’s in burger or stir fry chunks form. Horse is vastly superior.

32. last song you listened to?

September by Earth, Wind, and Fire

33. last book you read?

Learning Teaching by Jim Scrivener. It’s basically the TEFL bible.

34. favorite day of the week?

I’ve been unemployed for ages so time has no meaning for me.

35. can you say the alphabet backwards?

Probably not, my brain does not work that way.

36. how do you like your coffee?

Whatever the hell they serve in Lviv cafes

37. favorite pair of shoes?

Some Sketchers slip-on trainers

38. at what time do you usually go to bed?

My sleeping pattern is fucked, I went to sleep at like 1400 yesterday

39. at what time do you usually get up?

And I woke up at 2300 so yeah

40. what do you prefer: sunrises or sunsets?

I’d take either right now, we don’t get proper darkness this time of year in Iceland and it is not helping with my sleeping problems

41. how many blankets are on your bed?

A duvet. I am always confused by this, do people have blankets in layers in America? Do you guys not have duvets? Also what is a comforter?

42. describe your kitchen plates?

White, mostly. They’re not mine, I live with my in-laws

43. do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage?

Whiskey sour, egg white and all.

44. do you play cards?

Sure, why not

45. what color is your car?

I don’t drive but my husband’s car is white

46. can you change a tire?

Yep!

47. what is your favorite province?

Ima presume this is Canada related and I’ve never been so I’m just gonna day Nova Scotia because me and him have considered moving there.

48. favorite job you ever had?

Unemployment.

49. how did you get your biggest scar?

I have a dent in my palm from falling over at school and getting a rock jammed in it, then digging it out myself with a compass.

50. what did you do today that made someone happy?

Well it’s 4am here and I’m home alone but I did make the cat very happy with an ear scratch.

[shittyfandomimagines]

Not Our Home

Word count: 1,712

Angst

GIF creds to owner

“You’re coming home tonight, right?” I fiddle with the bottom of the hoodie I had on, I feared his answer. “Yes, I will be at the studio until 8 and then I’m all yours, we will catch up on Reign ASAP!” He kisses my cheek before he rushes to the door, his guitar in hand.

“Bye, love you,” I mumble to myself as I turn back towards our room. Well, nowadays it felt like my room, he wasn’t home enough to call it ours. I thought maybe moving to Canada with him would bring us together, he’d feel like settling down some, obviously not giving up music completely.

I knew dating a pop star would be hard, then I knew marrying one would be harder, but being pregnant with his kid while we moved to his hometown, and I’m left here alone? Worse.

I knew his family was 15 minutes down the road and I’ve known them for 5 years now, but I’m 4 months pregnant. I am constantly tired and he’s always gone, I am asleep by the time he comes home, then he sleeps on the couch with his guitar on his stomach on most days. I wanted my family back home and to be his again, his focus for right now. My stomach felt like it fluttered for the first time, I wasn’t sure if it was a kick or not, but I wanted him here.

I wanted to tell my mom while she held my hand and told me what it was. Honestly though, since we moved to Toronto about 6 months ago, it’s just been me. I never thought I could feel so lonely after having my boyfriend gone for 2/3’s of each year, but now my husband is absent? I don’t know, it’s worse.

—-

9:56

Well, he’s not as late as I had planned on. Good thing I didn’t have people to make bets with, I’d be a few dollars in the drain.

“I’m home!” His voice rings again, I didn’t acknowledge it the first time he said it. “Living room,” I mumble back, my hormones were iffy and I didn’t care about talking to him.

“Hello baby, how are we feeling?” He asks and I nod. “Great, just sleepy,” I mutter quietly, my eyes never leaving the tv, I was too focused on Guy Fieri. “Want to watch Reign?” He asks and I shake my head no. “I’m too tired and I’ll probably fall asleep during it.”

I wasn’t that tired, my mind was too rampant and my body too full of hormones. He started to tell me about a song and how his day went, yet I uninterestedly nodded my head as my eyes were still fixed on the guy making pork chops.

“Yeah, so basically I gave Teddy 40 million dollars.” Shawn’s voice says and it caught my attention, my head snapped towards him. “You did what now?” I ask and he chuckles. “I was just seeing if you were paying attention. Were you?” He asks and I shake my head, at least I’m honest.

“What’s wrong babe?” He asks and I chuckle, what’s right? “Nothing is wrong, just sleepy.” I lie and he scoffs. “If you were truly sleepy, you would’ve been out cold already.” He adds and I roll my eyes, wouldn’t he have to be here to make that assumption.

“I just need a moment.” I shake my head as I stand up slowly, I didn’t want to say anything I regretted so it was best for me to just get up.

“So we’re not going to talk about this? We’re married and this is an issue, can you please come back.” His voice seemed annoyed as he was hot on my trails. “At least you remembered that we’re married,” I mumble under my breath and he snorts.

“Are you serious? What does that mean?” He asks and I shrug. “That you’ve been gone so much that I almost forgot I was married.” I cross my arms more sassily than I intended.

“You don’t mean that! You know I’ve got so many songs coming out and I love to make sure the fans are happy. I just need to do this now and then I’m all yours.” He tries to save himself but yet it hurt worse.

“I know your fans are important and that music is too, but I want you to make us happy. Your child, your wife, your family. What about us?” I ask and he chuckles. “You know I meant that I want to make them happy enough to come back to settle here in our home.”

“The home,” I utter, he scrunches his nose. “The home, you mean our home?” He asks and I shake my head no. “No, this is the home. It isn’t ours, not yet at least. We moved to your hometown to settle down, you’d only write a couple of songs, we’d watch my belly grow until it’s time for the baby to be here, and then we’d watch it grow, letting you make music as the baby grew. This isn’t our home yet, it’s a home. The house isn’t ours and these feelings aren’t us either.”

“What does that even mean?” He asks and I shrug a little more. I pull a water bottle from the fridge as he paced some.

“You sleep on the couch because you’re making music when you come home from the place where you make music. You are gone after breakfast and sometimes here before dinner. I used to freak out with the bed is cold or how you didn’t get to feel the baby flutter for the first time. I’ve gotten too comfortable being alone in the home.” I put a packet of lemonade into my water bottle.

I start to shake it up quickly as I head back to the living room.

“So you’re basically saying I abandoned you while you’re pregnant.” He mutters and I couldn’t tell his emotion yet. “Yeah, basically. I’m in a city where I don’t know a thing because we haven’t done a thing together as a family, I’m in this house alone, and I just don’t think I can do it any longer Shawn. My mom said I can stay with her until you’re done with the songs.” I sip on the lemonade, making a face when it wasn’t sweet enough.

“You think I’m going to just be okay with you leaving our home while you’re carrying our child?” He asks and I shrug it off. “The home.” I correct him.

“Our home and our kid, I can drop the songs right now and it’ll just be us. We can explore Toronto and you have my parents! You can go with them at any time. You’ve been to Toronto plenty of times before, we’ve had endless adventures when we vacationed here. Your hormones must be talking.” He seemed way past annoyed with a little bit of worry.

“I don’t want you to drop the songs, Shawn! Then you’re just going to resent me when the fans flip out! You’re going to just speed the process up when the baby is here so you can get back. You know I love your parents and we’ve vacationed here before, but that was then! I want my husband with me when I explore, the guy who wanted a family and wanted to move here, and yeah my hormones are talking for me! You got me pregnant and you’re leaving me here every night to make millions of other people happy.” I didn’t have it in me to raise my voice, not tonight.

“You’re saying that it’s you or music?” He asks and I laughed so hard. “Did you hear a word I said at the beginning? Am I illiterate?” I sass and he scoffs a little.

“You can’t just make me feel bad about it! You know I’m insecure about that part of our relationship and you’re just making it worse!” He snaps and I chuckle.

“Wow, so you’re insecurity over that is the more significant part of the conversation? I’m sorry that I made you feel like it was an ultimatum. What about that fact that you don’t come home to me when you literally have the choice to? You know I wouldn’t mind if you wrote a song as I sat beside you, or when I take a nap during the day. Being here for me is enough! I’m in this house, this town, this relationship for you! You make up everything in my life and you’re giving me nothing but an empty bed and feelings.”

“I make songs about you, for you, to support us! I do it to make me happy and you always say that my happiness over music is irreplaceable, so why are we having this fight? You’re just afraid that music has finally made me happier than you could. It doesn’t sound too off right now.” He mumbled the last part and it tore my heart wide open.

I felt my lip tremble and my legs felt a little weak. I knew he was speaking out of anger and that my hormones were skyrocketing at his words, but it didn’t stop the pain.

“Just get out, or better yet... I’ll go back to my home. In the US, with my family, who will take care of me. I’ll be gone tomorrow.” I brush past him. The impact of his words finally dawning on him, his eyes became glassy as he was quick on his feet.

“Wait, no, that’s not at all true. I don’t believe that music will ever make me happy as you have. Or that music will make me feel whole and complete, then we’ll be having a baby that is ours, I have so much adoration for you, babe. Please, I didn’t mean it.” He was holding onto my hand before I could cross into the threshold of our room.

“But I meant what I said. All of it. I’m going home because this isn’t mine anymore. It never became ours. Yeah, anywhere with you is home, but you’re not here in the house so I’m alone essentially. I’m sorry Shawn, I just need some time off.”

[arabellaflynn]

I am so fucking over this plague thing. More accurately, I am so fucking over everybody being paranoid of this plague thing. Leaving the house isn't giving me panic attacks because of covid, it's because of all the goddamned people.

Look. I understand why people are afraid. When covid goes bad, it can go really bad, like 'intensive care with invasive ventilation' bad. It's just that this amount of fear is incompatible with also getting on with your life in any meaningful way, not to mention it's out of proportion with reality. Hospitalization rates of people with a confirmed case of COVID-19 (so, not counting people who never bothered to get tested, or people who have been exposed and fought the virus off, or people who have never been exposed) is about 82 per 100,000, or 0.082%. Condoms, when used properly, have about a 2% failure rate. If you trust in condoms to keep you childfree, you can trust reasonable, non-paranoid precautions to keep you from dying of covid.

If you catch covid, and you're an otherwise healthy non-elderly person, your experience is overwhelmingly likely to be like the one I had with chicken pox. I was born in 1981, so my prime years as a disease vector were before the varicella zoster vaccine. I caught chicken pox when I was 8 or 9. It blew. I was off school for two weeks, and I spent every moment of that itching like a motherfucker. But, like 59,999 out of 60,000 chicken pox sufferers, I got over it, and I'm still here. This doesn't mean that it's pointless to try to avoid catching it, and it definitely doesn't argue in favor of holding "chicken pox parties" so you can give it to other people on purpose. That's just idiocy. But it does mean that going to Howard Hughes-esque lengths in order to avoid ever coming into contact with it is maybe a little bit of an overreaction.

"Flatten the curve" was never meant to keep us all from catching COVID-19. The novel coronavirus is now endemic in the human population. Everyone is going to get this. Probably not every few months, like rhinovirus-driven colds, but more like pre-vaccine influenza, where if you had common sense and a bit of luck, you'd have a sucky few weeks once or twice a decade. The idea behind "flatten the curve" was to keep everyone from catching it at the same time, so that the number of cases that did need hospitalization never exceeded the number of available hospital beds. Believe it or not the news did explain that part, in tiny words, but everyone seems to have forgotten.

I had to hike into the next town over to pick up some stuff the other day. One of my roommates gawped in horror when I mentioned that I only wear a mask when around people. The Commonwealth of Massachusetts requires face coverings when indoors or when maintaining a distance of at least six feet from other people is impractical. That's fair; those are the circumstances under which cloth masks impede the spread of droplet-borne viral illnesses, be they COVID-19 or some other crap you've picked up. I had a mask, because I was going to talk to another human, and a good chunk of my route went through a populated area where I was likely to meet other people on the sidewalk. But a good chunk of my route also went through parks and quiet suburbs. I was outdoors, a place with notoriously good ventilation, and it was easy to stay 10+ feet away from the few people I saw. Under those conditions, masks have no effect. As long as you handle them by the ear pieces -- because you have been breathing damp schmutz all over the face part -- you can in fact take them off to cool down and breathe, and re-set them when you see people approaching again.

Said roommate wears a mask from the instant she exits the front door to the very moment she gets back in. Even when walking the dog in our wide-open neighborhood, where there is so little traffic you can dodge the other dog-walkers and joggers by walking down the middle of the street if you want. The neighbor kids bike and play games in the road all the time. You can wear a mask under those conditions if you want to, but I can't. I already have a hard enough time not being able to breathe when exerting myself in hot, humid weather. At that point, it's not doing anything physical. Its sole purpose is to act as a talisman to allay your own anxiety about all things covid. Not just anxieties about catching it, but anxieties about not displaying the correct amount of conformity and community-mindedness. I'm not really surprised; virtue signalling is something of a local sport. But that is what's going on. 

Another roommate has taken to disinfecting all the groceries. He started out using wipes but then we ran out, so now he's just got a spray bottle of Clorox and water sitting on the kitchen windowsill. I have politely gone along with this for the most part, but I also intercept my own deliveries, lest he get it into his head to bleach my raw produce. Dr Fauci does not bleach his groceries; I know, because Colbert was a wiseass and asked him on national TV. It's possible to get covid from contaminated surfaces in the same way it's possible to get herpes from a toilet seat, in the sense that it doesn't contradict any known laws of physics, but it's so unlikely that if you can actually demonstrate that it happened you will get written up as a case study. And frankly it doesn't matter what kind of terrifying things are on the outside of your packages as long as you wash your hands.

For those of you who do not have a psychiatric diagnosis, this is what's called an anxiety spiral. Something makes you anxious and you start to see it in terms of risks to your safety, so naturally your response is to start thinking about how to avoid it. You make a plan. But then you start noticing that your plan may not reduce that risk to zero, or may present risks of its own, so you make a second-order plan to plaster over those. But then that plan has holes, so then you need a third-order plan, and so on and so forth quite literally ad infinitum if you can keep it up that long, or until you decompensate rather spectacularly if you can't. The less reliable, concrete information you have about what's going to happen, the worse it gets. If you let it continue to the point of pathology -- which I am starting to see among the general population -- you eventually dig yourself in so deep that you can't get groceries without involving a contingency plan in case of nuclear first-strike from Canada. This, understandably, fucks up your life. I've seen this both first-hand in my own brain, and in being raised by a woman who suffered from such a massive unacknowledged anxiety disorder that she blocked off the front windows of the house for fear that someone walking down the street outside might see that she had the living room lights on.

Your risk of contracting SARS-CoV-2, now that it exists, is not zero. It will never be zero. A vaccine will not bring it down to zero. Technically, your risk of contracting smallpox is also not zero, because there are still a few vials of it lying around somewhere. Your risk of unintentionally spreading it -- which is what the cloth masks are meant to do; if it's not an N95 mask it does nothing to keep you from catching it -- is therefore also not zero. But there comes a point where it is low enough, and you have to just accept that it exists as part of the background chance that you might get run over by a car or fall in the shower or discover an anaphylactic allergy the hard way or keel over from an undetected aneurysm or any of the other ways you can die without warning.

The BLM protesters are doing it right, I think. That's an important thing that has to get done, so they're doing it. They're spending hours in a large crowd of people, so they try to keep a 6' distance and wear a mask, because that's not always feasible. You can't let your fear immobilize you, and there is a finite level to which you can let that fear prompt you to make yourself uncomfortable. Risk tolerance differs from person to person. My housemates are welcome to freak out over the idea of taking the trash out without a mask; I'm not, and I'm not putting one on to spend two minutes out in the side yard at midnight.

And anyone who froths over "kids these days" referring to it as "the 'rona" can cool their jets. This is basically a pandemic tradition. You get a shot every year so you don't catch "the 'flu" -- which, yes, was how it was typographically styled in 1917-19 -- so shut the fuck up.

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[timelordthirteen]

Killing Time 16/?

Detective Weaver/Belle French, Explicit

Summary: A Woven Beauty Law & Order-ish AU. Written for Writer’s Month 2019.

Chapter Summary: Weaver and Belle attempt to get a start on the case, but feel like they're getting nowhere fast in a lot of ways.

Notes: This was supposed to be posted on Friday the 30th, but alas that didn't happen. Work sucked and I seem to have gotten my daughter's cold. Palmi's is a Korean BBQ place in Seattle (and other areas) in case anyone was wondering. This is where my random food cravings show up in fic. For the Writer's Month prompt #30: pining.

Warnings: Please see AO3 for complete warnings and tags.The only updated tags are for the smut.

[AO3]  Previous: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15]

It was two in the afternoon when Belle and Weaver left the station.

They had collected the current case file, such as it was, and decided to head over to Belle’s office. Frustration was best handled by doing what they could to solve the case, or at least get it started. So far the whiteboard consisted of a picture of Eloise and a timeline that had more question marks than anything else. As far as anyone could tell, Eloise Gardner had managed to fly under the radar for her entire existence.

Belle glanced over at Weaver where he was sitting on the sofa, flipping through the brief preliminary report from the medical examiner. He was slouched down with the folder open and sitting on his legs, and she bit her lip. Just a short time ago, they’d fucked on that couch, right where he was sitting. She bit her lip and breathed slowly, trying not to think about how good it felt to have him inside her, and how it would have happened again if Rogers hadn’t called them when he did.

“What?”

She blinked and saw Weaver looking at her, one eyebrow raised. “Nothing,” she said, shrugging. “Just...we basically have nothing.”

“Less than.” He sighed and sat forward, closing the folder and dropping it on the coffee table. “This prelim report is everything we already know; she’s been dead at least six months or probably more, no obvious signs of trauma, gun shot or stab wounds.”

“And we don’t have any idea who Eloise even is.” He ran a hand over his face, rubbing at his chin which had gotten scruffy with stubble from the last two days. “How does someone have no paper trail in this day and age?”

Belle shook her head, clicking the cap of the dry erase marker she was holding on and off. “Maybe she’s not from here. Maybe we need to expand our search. Oregon, California, Idaho? Check Social Security and IRS records, whatever we have to.”

“She might not even be from the states,” he added absently. “Canada?”

“True,” Belle said, frowning at the board. They’d been making assumptions, and it was possible that had painted them into a corner. “I could call Anna. She still works for that firm in Vancouver, and she might be able to search a few databases for us. Rogers could call his friend in the RCMP.”

He let out another heavy sigh. “Yeah.”

She pushed the cap back on the marker and set it in the tray under the board before crossing the room. “You okay?”

Weaver looked up as Belle dropped down on the sofa beside him. He nodded and gave her a small smile. “Yeah, just realized that I didn’t know what day it was for a second there.”

She let out a soft laugh. “Saturday, right?”

He nodded again, his lips curving slightly. “Be honest, you had to look at your phone to be sure.”

“Lately, yeah,” she admitted, running her hand through her hair. “S’all bleeding together.”

“Are you okay?”

She turned her head and looked at him. “Yeah, why?” He shrugged, his eyes meeting hers, and she swallowed. “I’m better now that we have something to figure out.”

“Something to focus on that’s not...”

“Yeah, pretty much.” Belle nodded, her lips pressed together in a tight smile. “I’m sorry, by the way.”

Weaver frowned. “For what?”

“For all the stuff that’s happened.” She sighed and picked at a fingernail with her thumb. “Between us.”

“Hey,” he said, softly, reaching over to take her hand. “Don’t -”

She shook her head again. “No. No, Ian, I meant it. I shouldn’t have -” She squeezed his hand and let it rest on her knee, but her eyes were fixed on the file folder on the table, and on the edge of the case label that was just a little bit crooked. “I didn’t mean for things to get so messy. Or to push you away - after. You were right that - that I keep doing that, that I have done that.”

“Belle...”

She sniffed and wiped her free hand over her cheek, surprised when it came away wet, and then rubbed it on her jeans. “I, um, I thought - I thought I was protecting myself.”

“You were,” he insisted. “You -”

“No.” She gave him a quick glance, her chest tightening when she saw the pain and concern in his features. “No, I was - I was hurting you. On purpose, maybe, I don’t know, but it was wrong. I was wrong to take advantage of you.”

“Hey.” He pulled his hand away from hers and raised his arm to put it around her shoulders. “It’s okay. You weren’t taking advantage of anyone.”

“I’m sorry,” she managed, her tears falling faster. “I was - I was going to text you that night. Thursday, I mean.”

That was the night Jack attacked her.

Weaver swallowed hard, and then blew out a breath. “Palmi’s?” She lifted her head and blinked at him. “Split a beef combo?”

“With kimchi stew?” Her eyebrows lifted and she started to smile. Her skin felt tight where tears had dried on her skin, and she rubbed at her eye. “You can have all the short ribs.”

His eyes narrowed for a second. “Deal.”

She giggled and sat up, stretching her arms. “I’m going to need to do some wash, or grab more clothes.”

Weaver pushed to his feet. “We can call in our order, swing by your place, and then pick it up before we head home?”

Belle bit her lip and nodded. He’d called his apartment home, which made sense for him. The funny thing was that was the first place that popped into her head at the mention of that word, home. It was an exposed brick wall and dark kitchen cabinets, a hundred year old wood floor and a zig zag of pipes on the ceiling.

She wasn’t sure that had anything to do with what had happened on Thursday.

After dinner, they settled on the sofa.

Belle sighed as she felt her body sink into the soft leather, and pulled up the throw blanket that lay at one end. They kept the conversation light after they left her office, both of them needing to disengage from the case and the events of the last few days.

“So, Tiana’s engaged?” Weaver said as he came around the end of the sofa with a beer bottle in his hand.

She let out a short laugh. “Yeah, to Drew.”

His eyes widened and he leaned forward to set the bottle down on the coffee table. “Drew the chef? I thought she dumped him ages ago?”

“The wannabe chef,” she corrected with a smirk. “I don’t know. They were off and on for the longest time, and then they were off-off.” She rolled her eyes and reached over, stealing a sip from his beer.

“Oi!” He snatched the bottle from her with a half-hearted glare. “Thief.”

She smiled at him. “Arrest me.”

The look he gave her was heated, and she felt a flush wash over her body. “Anyway,” she continued, fiddling with the fringe on the blanket as he turned on the TV. “They met at a restaurant opening a few months back, and now...”

Weaver shook his head. “She can do so much better.”

“She said that about you, you know.” Belle glanced sideways at him, her lips twitching.

“Yeah, well,” he replied, flipping through two more channels before pausing on a recap of the days football matches. “She was right.”

Belle’s foot nudged at his thigh, and he looked down at it before flicking his gaze up to meet her eyes. “Shut up,” she admonished, poking him with her toes a second time.

He tsked and shook his head slowly. “Theft and now assaulting a police officer. Racking up quite a rap sheet there, Ms. French.”

She giggled and shifted the way she was sitting, moving her feet to the other side so she could sit closer to him. He flipped a few more channels before stopping on a movie they’d both seen more times than they could count. It was already twenty minutes in, but it was safe, and she thought they both probably needed safe right now. The news was, well, the news. They lived with most of the nightly local headlines, and the national and global stuff had become too depressing.

Towards the end of the movie, Belle found her body leaning, drifting and heavy with fatigue, until her head was resting on Weaver’s shoulder. He braced for a second, and then relaxed, bringing his arm up around her to pull her against his side.

The more she kept saying she wouldn’t do this, wouldn’t keep taking advantage of him, the more she seemed to keep doing it.

“Is this okay?” she asked, her eyes fixed on the television.

“Yeah.”

His reply was soft, and then she felt the light pressure of his lips on the top of her head. She exhaled, resisting the urge to curl against him and watched as the movie came to its end, the camera pulling back on a view of the city as the credits began to scroll up the screen.

“I can’t keep staying here.”

Weaver shifted slightly. “Why not?”

She sighed and smiled sadly. “You know why...”

“Yeah,” he breathed. “Where will you go then? Back to your apartment?”

She swallowed and sniffed. “I don’t think I can. I know Leroy will do a good job, but...”

“No one would blame you.” His arm tightened around her, squeezing her against him.

She pushed herself up, and his hand slipped down her shoulder. “My lease is up at the end of the year. I was thinking about looking for another place anyway.”

“You can stay here as long as you like,” he said, pulling back and twisting to sit sideways with his arm on the back of the sofa. “I can fix up the other room again, and sleep in there.”

Belle looked down at the blanket for a moment. The room would need a bit of work, and some furniture. The guest bed had been taken out as a start to the process of turning the room into a nursery. She wondered if he’d ever done anything with the paint they bought, a light, springy green called Sweet Honeydew. It would have worked for a boy or girl, she thought.

“Yeah.” She pulled the blanket off her lap before she stood up. “I’m, uh, I’m gonna go shower.”

“Okay...” came Weaver’s voice as she crossed the room. It sounded like he wanted to say something else, but she closed the bathroom door behind her before he could.

She turned on the water, pushing the dial halfway over to hot until steam started to fill the space, fogging up the glass. The heat felt good, almost blissful, and she let her head drop as the water pelted her neck and shoulders. A few tears fell, as they always did, and she wiped at her eyes before turning her face into the water. It was easier to let things out when she was shut away from the world. And from Ian.

He had been wonderful the past couple of days, but she still felt the pressure of expectations, of their history just as she had for all the weeks before. She couldn’t keep staying here, not much longer, not with Ian being so accommodating and...helpful. Her only option was nowhere, it seemed. She yawned as she turned to wash the shampoo out of her hair, working out the suds with her hands. It was going to be another early night for her, though she wondered if she’d be able to sleep all that well without Ian. At some point she would need to, anyway.

Belle finished up in the shower and slipped out in a towel, flashing Weaver an awkward smile as she hurried into the bedroom to retrieve something to wear to bed. After she changed, she came out of the room, squeezing her hair with the towel. Weaver was standing in the kitchen, and the television was turned back to the football recap. She glanced from the screen to him, and gave him a small smile when he shrugged.

“Tea?” he asked as he poured hot water into a mug.

“So late?” She lowered the towel.

He lowered the teabag, his mouth curved in a half smile. “It started raining and I just felt like something warm.”

She shook her head, her damp hair swinging and flicking little drops of water over the floor. “Thanks, but I think I’m just gonna go to bed.”

He picked up the mug and came around the island, cupping the warm ceramic in his palm. “You going to be okay?”

She wiped a drip of water off her forehead and shrugged. “At some point I’m going to have to be, right?”

She took the towel into the bathroom, dropping it in the hamper, and when she came out, Weaver was back on the sofa, his socked feet propped on the coffee table, sipping his tea. She bit her lip at the cozy picture he made, wanting so badly to just plop down beside him again until they both fell asleep. Instead, she pushed her hair back and moved to the bedroom door.

“Night.”

He looked up from his mug and gave her a soft, crooked smile. “Goodnight, Belle.”

An hour later, Weaver gave up and turned off the television.

He knew Belle was holding back, putting on a brave face so he wouldn’t worry about her so much. At least they had something to work on now, something to distract them from everything else that had happened. He wasn’t sure that was a good thing yet. They’d proven they could work well together, for the most part, but in the long run what he wanted and what Belle wanted could still be two different things.

Sighing, he pushed up off the sofa and took the remains of his tea, now long cold, into the kitchen before heading to the bathroom to shower. After, he put on clean underwear and a shirt, and spread the throw blanket out over the cushions. He straightened and dropped a pillow down at one end, his gaze drifting to the bedroom door. It wasn’t completely shut, just close enough to block out the light from the living room.

He eased the door open and looked inside. Belle was on her side, facing the nightstand. She looked to be sleeping soundly, but just in case he left the door open a little further. If she had another nightmare, he’d be able to hear her easier. He took a step, and she called out to him in a quiet voice.

“You can stay,” she said, rolling over. “If - if you want.”

His smile was flat. “I don’t think it’s up to me.”

“Yeah.” She tucked her hands under her chin, holding the sheet and blanket. “Sorry.”

“Belle...” He sighed, watching as she rubbed at her face with her covered hands, then shook his head as he turned to leave. “Night.”

“Please?”

He stopped with his hand on the doorknob, waiting until she said his name, and then eased the door closed all the way. He went around to his side of the bed and climbed in, settling back against the pillow. A moment later, Belle inched closer, reaching for him and laying her arm over his chest.

“This okay?”

He breathed out and closed his eyes. It was always okay, no matter how much it hurt, or how confused everything got. “Yeah.”

Their breathing evened out, her chest pushing against his side at the same time he inhaled. The rain pattered lightly against the window, a soothing white noise as sleep overcame them.

[caatws]

tagged by @justanalto to answer some questions !! :)

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? it’s like a blueish/greenish color and has moana on it! i usually comb my hair so i bought that brush just bc it was moana themed a few years ago lol. i don’t use it often

2. Name a food you never eat. there are many.....#justchildhoodocdthings ermmmm i don’t eat a lot of snack foods like chips or goldfish

3. Are you typically too cold or too warm? too warm, esp these days bc the weather is hella warming up so i wake up feeling hot a lot

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? i was working on some post-grad work stuff and then crossed over into my roommates’ room to watch the facebook livestream graduation 2020 thing cuz miley was on singing the climb

5. What is your favorite candy bar? i love a good hershey’s special dark chocolate moment

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event? yes, quite a lot actually! my mom is super into sports, so i grew up going to a handful of pro sports games - mlb, nba, and nhl. never nfl tho bc my mom said the price of tix wasn’t worth it LMAOOOO. also when the olympics are here in la in like 8 years i wouldn’t mind checking out some events here !!

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? i asked my roommate if she wanted me to close the door as i was leaving her room bc she was abt to hop on a zoom call

8. What is your favorite ice cream? chocolate.....esp if it’s dark chocolate which is Rare

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? starbucks peppermint hot chocolate bc i’m a basic bitch!!!!

10. Do you like your wallet? yeah, i only upgraded from my middle school wallet like back in 2018 to a normal adult looking one. it’s purple and has enough pockets for all my shit! still bulky tho

11. What was the last thing you ate? ....nothing LMFAOOOO lunch is usually my first meal of the day and i haven’t had it yet. but last night i had ramen for dinner

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? last time i bought clothes was i ordered one of the black widow hoodies from hot topic like a month ago....other than that i have not gone clothes shopping since pre-quarantine

13. The last sporting event you watched? i don’t even know....i didn’t watch the super bowl, so it’d either be some time my roommate was watching hockey on our tv or whatever sports my mom was watching when i was still home for winter break in january

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? KETTLE CORN!!!!

15. Who is last person you sent a text message to? i sent a pic of miley singing the climb on the fb livestream on my friend’s laptop to my fam being like “lol miley is our commencement performer!!!!” and my mom was just like cool

16. Ever go camping? yes unfortunately....never for more than a night at a time tho bc i literally Cannot

17. Do you take vitamins? no bc what is Health

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? used to back in the days of catholic school (pre college), but now no longer

19. Do you have a tan? nah bc we can’t go outside bro

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? chinese food 100% i personally think pizza is overrated

21. Do you drink soda with a straw? i don’t believe i ever do tbh

22. What color socks do you usually wear? i only own socks with colorful patterns/designs on them which is extra but very me i suppose

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? always! (a reasonable amount over tho, like within 5-10 mph over...this is average for californians, while many others speed hella)

24. What terrifies you? not a fan of heights nor uncertainty, and this pandemic has essentially destroyed my post grad hopes/plans and now i enter an uncertain future

25. Look to your left, what do you see? my bed, with a lot of stuff piled on top

26. What chore do you hate? all of them???? i guess doing the dishes mostly tho bc i hate the smell of wet dishes with food waste/residue on them and it just feels so gross i can’t

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? i think wow australia sounds like a wild country

28. What’s your favorite soda? orange soda 4ever

29. Do you go into a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? drive-thru if i can !!! but i don’t mind going in if there’s ample parking available

30. Who’s the last person you talked to? my roommate, when i asked if she wanted me to close the door LMAO

31. Favorite cut of beef? all of them????? i’m not picky with meat dsflkbn

32. Last song you listened to? as i was driving back into my garage the radio station i was listening to started playing sugar we’re going down which threw me for a time loop

33. Last book you read? i’ve been reading fanfic mostly recently so ig whatever the last thing i read for my internship weeks ago was, it would be that

34. Favorite day of the week? even tho time doesn’t matter in quarantine, i’ll always be a friday stan

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? i used to be decent at it but i’m out of practice now. i’ll try to just type it rly quickly and see: zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba (ok so this took me like 5ish secs to type so that’s p good!)

36. How do you like your coffee? i don’t! i just drink peppermint hot chocolate :^)

37. Favorite pair of shoes? my doc martens, but they are now out of season for most of the rest of the year bc i live in southern california where it’s Hawt so i probs won’t wear them again til december

38. The time you normally go to sleep? sometime between 1 and 3 am

39. The time you normally get up? sometime between 9 and 11 am

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets are dope!!!

41. How many blankets on your bed? three, including my sheet, comforter, and a small quilt

42. Describe your kitchen plates. some are just round and plain white, some are round and white with a red decorative border, one is a pokémon plate meant for children that i bought cheap at target

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? piña colada!!! but if i’m trying to get drunk i need vodka or somethin

44. Do you play cards? not much tbh! my apartment has been on a mahjong streak as of late

45. What color is your car? silver!!

46. Can you change a tire? no i’m useless but also my parents believe i’ll get murdered if stuck on the side of the road (which is possible) so they’d prefer me to call aaa for help

47. Your favorite province? uhhhhhhh no provinces here in the u.s. but canada has provinces and i went to british columbia (to visit vancouver) once as a kid so???? if we talking states tho y’all know i will die for california

48. Favorite job you’ve ever had? honestly my job at my school’s mail center this past year was rly cool! my boss was so great and the other student workers were chill, so it was a nice environment and i enjoyed learning all these mail-related skills

49. How did you get your biggest scar? i have no scars ;))))

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy? i had my final appointment with my therapist from my school since i graduated, so i thanked him for working with me the past year and a half!

i tag: anyone who wants to do this, i’m lazyyyyy hehe so feel free to steal!!!! i wanna read y’all’s answers

[onebighumanheart]

11/11/11 Tag!

Well, looky here. My first tag game of my Tumblr career(?). Huge thanks to @hyba for considering me for this after us just having met! I deeply appreciate it.

Without further ado.

#1: If you could choose one character (one of your OCs, but you can choose another character as well) to hang out with for a night, which would it be?

Any character... Temperance Brennan, Bones. We wouldn’t be doing much in the way of having fun, perhaps, but she could teach me all her anthropological ways. Maybe then I could finally decide whether that’s the career I want to pursue or not!

#2: When did you get the idea for your WIP(s)?

This is assuming I have a WIP—I don’t, really. That said, though, for each of my stories’ prompts? My best friend whipped up a list of them for me, one word a day for a month. If you check out my blog, you’ll see that they’re real inspirational! I’ve come up with the best stuff I’ve ever written from the words they gave me. 

#3: What’s the one thing you want to accomplish in your life?

I want to change a life. One way or another, I want to have been influential enough on this planet to have improved somebody’s life, however small or however long-lasting. Make somebody’s day better, keep them smiling through the week, give them the strength to make it through the month. Maybe even to live another day, with my work. 

#4: Where do you go when you need to take some space away from whatever is frustrating you (your writing, or anything else)?

I don’t have a place I go, no. When I’m frustrated, I usually just stick it through. Is that healthy? No, probably not, but I’m not the kind to stand my ground by stepping away. When I do, though, it’s usually to my room, where I’ll just lay there, contemplating. 

#5: What’s the funniest book you’ve ever read?

Funniest book... Probably Counting by Sevens by Holly Goldberg Sloan, my second favorite book of all time. It tells the story of an orphaned and adopted gifted child entering middle school who ends up losing her pair of adoptive parents, too. It’s poignant, touching, but also hilarious. If you haven’t heard of it or haven’t had a chance to pick it up, do that. Give it a read, it deserves it.

#6: Of all the characters in books that you have read, which one is your favourite?

Look. I’ve never actually read the book, but Howl’s Moving Castle means the world to me. It’s my favorite movie of all time since my older cousins first showed it to me when I was younger along with My Neighbor Totoro (I just love Ghibli, man). Sophie Hatter is one of my favorite characters of all time, a well-written woman who regains and maintains her strength despite (and, perhaps, because of) her affliction. If movie Sophie’s anything like book Sophie, I’m swooning. 

#7: Have you ever abandoned a story/book for over a year and why?

I abandoned writing in general for many months before these two weeks of immersing myself in it again, for personal reasons. In the general sense, putting words on a paper (or, more accurately, on a screen) felt... wrong. I’m trying to break through that the best I can lately, and I feel it’s working.

#8: If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where you would be?

Canada, no second thoughts. Why? Beats me. I haven’t ever been, I hardly know anything about it, and it’s cold enough to freeze my nose off up there. Do I still love it as if it were my home country? You bet. 

#9: Name one writer whose writing and style have influenced you.

Is this basic? You tell me. Stephen King. My favorite book of all time is It, after sifting through a PDF version because What Teenager Has Money To Pay For Books. (I’d like to, but a guy has to economize. King probably wouldn’t mind too much.) I’ve tried to take his level of description and tone it down a bit for my own writing, for I’ve had many run-ins with the ill-fated Purple Prose!!!. That aside, though, his pace and tone set up for the onl  book that

#10: Do you have an end in mind for your WIP(s)?

N/A, for the time being. But again, in terms of my short stories, I usually begin with a loose idea and flesh it out as I start writing, letting things come to a stop wherever they do. Then I prune a bit before showing them to the world. 

#11: Which WIP have you enjoyed writing the most so far?

My favorite story of mine so far is the deity prompt with Renata and Ludo. I feel it’s one of my stronger pieces thus far. A friend even said it sounds like something out of a fanfiction.

I’m going to tag a few people I’ve seen around the writeblr community. If you’re uncomfortable with being tagged, by all means, send me a message and let me know that’s not something you’re up to! I won’t mind one bit. @akingsleywriter @francestroublr @writer-jessicac @iannicellis @kidsarentallwrite @push-the-draft 

Have some questions of my own!

1. What’s the scene in a book or movie that’s most memorable for you?

2. If you have a WIP, who’s your favorite character in it? Why?

3. What inspired you to start writing? What continues to inspire you to keep writing?

4. List five of your favorite things.

5. What genre of content do you most enjoy? (Books to read/write, film, video games, etc.)

6. Setting goals is the biggest way to make your ideas a reality. What are some of yours?

7. Describe your closest friend.

8. What time period do you most write in? Why?

9. Do you have any other hobbies? Let’s hear them.

10. Is there anyone in your life who inspires or influences your writing? How so?

11. What makes you happy?

[lindoig4]

Iceland - all in one long post

(It is now Saturday 24 August and we are in St Johns, Newfoundland, and before I wade into Iceland, I thought I would summarise the birds we have identified so far.  Some we have seen in more than one place, so the number of discrete species we have seen is still less than 100 – 99 in fact. But by country, my  count currently stands at 138, made up of 36 in the US; 4 when we were in Montreal and a further 11 here, making it 15 for Canada; 9 in Oslo and 21 more in Svalbard making 30 for Norway, 20 in Greenland and 10 in the Denmark Strait – so possibly 30 for Denmark, depending on how we define it and 27 for Iceland.  I don’t intend canvassing international relations or interpreting the Law of the Sea so it is up to you to define Greenland, the Denmark Strait and international waters however you choose – I decline to enter into any dispute on the issue.)

Now back to wonderful Iceland.

We arrived early in the morning after a pretty wild day and night at sea and we were probably happy enough to be on land again.  Not because of the rocking and rolling, but because we were a bit overloaded with all we had experienced on the expeditions and felt that anything else would likely be more of the same.  The only thing we hadn’t seen that would have been nice was more whales, specifically belugas and narwhals, but we can’t have everything – or at least, we have been told so.

On the other hand, our expectations of Iceland left us a little cold (so to speak) but we were wonderfully wrong!  We disembarked at 9am and were bussed to a stop just down the hill from our hotel. Not sure why they couldn’t drop us off as we went past, but it was only a couple of hundred metres back up the hill lugging our luggage.  (There is a reason it is called Luggage.)

We spent most of the day in our room but went out to the supermarket and had a drink on the way back. I spent some time dashing in and out of the hotel into the garden at the back chasing a bird that kept calling every now and then, but I never found it.  I eventually discovered that an identical sound came from a squeaky lift the was right next to where I thought the mythical bird was calling!

In the late afternoon, we went to the hotel bar for a 2 for 1 drink Happy Hour and fell into conversation with two local women almost our age and we had a really wonderful hour or so with them.  They were both lovely intelligent women and it was a complete pleasure to share our respective thoughts with a wonderful couple of locals.

We then went to a Vietnamese restaurant we had sussed out whilst shopping and it was a big disappointment.  Very ordinary food in pretty scungy surroundings for about $90 Oz with no drinks!

We went on two tours whilst in Reykjavik.  I clearly recall being taught in high school that there is no green in Greenland and no ice in Iceland.  But like many of the gems imparted to naive teenagers at school, both are entirely wrong.

We saw a lot of green in Greenland - no towering forests or endless savannahs but plenty of green ground-cover in lots of places.  Similarly, in Iceland, there is not a lot of summer snow, but they play few winter sports because everything is blanketed in snow, inhibiting outdoor sports, even if competitors and spectators were able to attend snowbound venues (which they aren’t!)

But Iceland is certainly spectacular in summer.  As I said, we went on two wonderful tours (thank you Nice Tours), but a few observations first.

Iceland has fewer than 350,000 residents (and 3,000,000 summer tourists each year), over two-thirds of them living in Reykjavik.  Most of the others are farmers and their small beautiful farms are a picture of neatness, looking like they sweep the hills and comb the grass before the tourists arrive each morning.  They desperately want more residents (their unemployment rate is effectively zero) and despite some resentment about the changes brought about to accommodate us, they are heavily dependent on tourism as their biggest contributor to GDP.

They have virtually unlimited geothermal energy and squander it outrageously.  Similarly, water is abundant and profligacy is considered absurd.  The geothermal water powers some of their electricity needs and is then returned to the earth or used to heat every building in the country.  The rest of their energy comes from hydro plants.  Even some small collectives of farmers agree to install a small power plant to provide for their own needs and feed the surplus into the already overloaded grid.  The only other fuel source appears to be imported petroleum at a little over $A2 a litre.

The hot water contains a bit of a cocktail of harmless minerals but smells a bit, so is used for showers and heating and the cold meltwater for most other things.

In the winter, some parts of the country are virtually inaccessible and the roads in those areas are atrocious but nearer Reykjavík, they are quite good - and the city itself is very modern-looking.  No high-rises because they have plenty of room, but there are a few 5 or 6 level buildings.

There are NO trees away from the city, although a few farmers have attempted to grow some without a lot of success.  But around Reykjavík, there are plenty of trees due to a concerted effort to provide some windbreaks for a few clicks around.  I went for a walk this morning and found it very hard going, but apparently, the wind has been known to blow many people over, even to blow cell phones out of their hands (Shock, horror!).  People stay indoors during the worst of the wind.

It is a very expensive place to live.  We paid over $A85 for a very crummy meal at a Greasy Joe Chinese restaurant a couple of nights ago (our second expensive meal out) and even the supermarket gives rise to a few nasty shocks.  One interesting point is that it costs more to build a house here than its sale price so a lot of people build their own rather than buy something that costs more than they could sell it for.

Having said all of that, Iceland is a wonderfully beautiful place with heaps of great things to see and do.  It is very progressive.  They had a National Pride Parade on the day we arrived and the whole city was decked out with rainbow flags and paraphernalia. The whole city seemed involved in celebrating the march and its participants.  They are a very inclusive society and I found some of their more progressive ideas a little surprising - in a very good way.

Our tours were brilliant. Although we didn’t have any great expectations of the country before we arrived, I now wish we could just squeeze another month or so into our visit.

Golden Circle Tour

This is one of the more popular one-day tours and the scenery is amazing.  (Most tours are multi-day and many are about 11 days and circumnavigate the island on their version of our Highway 1, although it is a little more rustic than ours in the north.).  Rugged mountains, massive volcanic lava-fields, giant glaciers, thousands of waterfalls, wonderful wildlife (mainly birds) and miniature flora – simply superb.  There are far more Icelandic horses than Icelanders - a unique breed that will remain pure because no other horses are allowed in, including any local horses that leave the country to compete in events - they are not allowed back in under any conditions!  The sheep run free and have right of way on the road and all look very healthy: fat and woolly.  There are cattle here, but they are mainly kept indoors - as are all the sheep in the colder months.

We visited the world’s second largest geyser (after Yellowstone) and watched it shoot almost 40 metres skywards every 5 to 8 minutes.  It is the Geysir Strokkur and is source of word ‘geyser’ worldwide.  We were careful to stay upwind, but some people got very wet trying to get the perfect selfie.  There are numerous hot springs around and we saw plenty of thermal activity as we ate our packed lunch and walked to and from our bus. (I am tired of typing ‘spectacular’ so please just insert it once or twice in each paragraph. If any needs me to, I will provide a few hundred copies of spectacular, beautiful, amazing, astounding, wonderful, awesome, mindboggling, fantastic, fabulous – even fantabulous if you must - and any other superlatives you wish and you can just copy and paste them into each sentence or clause as you prefer – because they are all highly appropriate!)

We went to an awesome volcanic crater, obviously inactive, but huge, very steep-sided with a beautiful lake inside.  We walked right around the ridge and photographed it from many angles.  It was very windy and getting close to the rim was quite scary at times.

And what a spectacular waterfall Gulifoss was!  It is fuelled by meltwater but totally awesome - mind-bogglingly so but still not Iceland’s biggest!  The volume of water cascading down was truly (insert several superlatives here) but this was after a veritable drought - the driest period they have had for years.  The water is funnelled into a huge canyon, way below anything we could see, but in a normal year, the volume is so huge, it fills the canyon!  When I finally get some pics posted, you might imagine why it defies description.

We called in at a working farm for an icecream.  Icelanders are the world’s most voracious consumers of icecream and we stopped at a couple of other places later in the day to avoid our guide suffering withdrawal symptoms.

Another stop was at the site of the world’s oldest parliament, dating to the 9th century.  The tribes in the area decided that they needed more order in their community so elected a leader each 3 years and presented him with all their disputes and issues requiring resolution.  He was given one day to think about them all and then stood on this particular rocky outcrop and addressed the assembled throng with his binding decisions the following day.  It is now a UN World Heritage site and our guide was able to fill out a bit of history about it.  Perhaps more significantly though is that the rock is on the very edge of the North American tectonic plate.  We walked through an amazingly impressive fissure to get to the rock and it was a sobering thought that we were on such prehistorically significant ground.  There is 6 kilometres between this and the nearby Eurasian plate at this point, with this distance growing by about 2.5 cm a year.  At some point in the future a cataclysmic rupture is bound to happen right where we stood.

Then it was on the Eurasian tectonic plate, but with no fanfare or obvious geological features to mark it - but then, after the grandeur of the other side, it would be hard to match anyway.  We spent much of the rest of the day in Eurasia - no passport required!

A truly fantastic tour and overloaded with historical, geological and simply grandeural(??) overload, we ate bread rolls and supped on Aquavit in our room at night.

Monday was a rest day, soaking in some of the previous day’s experience, washing, blogging, Happy Houring and finally eating at an extraordinarily sub-ordinary Chinese café at great expense at night.

 Snaefellsnes Peninsula Tour

But next day was the Snaefellsnes Peninsula Tour: perhaps even more spectacular than the Golden Circle Tour.  The giant glacier atop the mountain was distant, but omnipresent even at 200km distance.  We saw dozens/scores of waterfalls (fosses in Icelandic), cascading down the mountains from the interior snowmelt and creating hundreds of crystal-clear creeks and rivers.  At one time, some locals sent a sample of the river water to an international laboratory to see what minerals it contained.  Receiving no response, they contacted the lab to enquire as to progress with the testing - only to be ridiculed by the analysers for wasting their time sending obviously distilled water for testing!  Did I say crystal clear!?

We explored one wonderfully picturesque foss and associated lake close up - pics will eventually be posted.  Just across the road from this great waterfall is a mountain that was historically assumed to be rather nondescript until a photo of it was unexpectedly voted one of the world’s ten most iconic mountains and a tourism cavalcade ensued.  The mountain has featured in quite a lot of films, but alas, I don’t recall which.  Maybe my photos will prompt some memories.

We had a superb fish lunch at a restaurant where our guide knew the chef.  He seemed to know a lot of people, but had worked in a small local hotel with this chef - recently returned to Iceland as chef at a 3 Michelin hat restaurant in Europe.  The food was excellent and because at least 10 of us agreed to purchase the fish special, we got it at half price: much closer to what we would pay for a similar meal in Oz.

We walked along the cliff from a charming tiny enclosed fishing harbour, past some awe-inspiring sink-holes too scary to get close enough to see the bottom, past a delightful bird-encrusted lake, past more cliffs filled mainly with nesting gulls, lava caves and blowholes, a fantastic rocky arch to a lookout with more caves, more nesting kittiwakes and a mass of hexagonal basaltic columns formed by the lava cooling more slowly.  To add spectacle to amazing wonder, the columns were not straight, but twisted and bent in line with the strata being formed at the time.  A geology lesson in itself!

Then on the way back to our little bus, we passed a man-made stone structure representing a monument to a local troll.  Icelanders are very superstitious and many still believe in good and bad trolls and other forces that seem quite alien to us.  Most of the island’s roads were built about 100 years ago when superstition was even more rife and many roads take unexpected detours to avoid crossing evil troll-infested sites (or to proceed through beneficent troll areas), much like our sacred sites in Australia only more so.  And many people still ascribe or predict events to the beneficial or vengeful actions of trolls - and act accordingly, doing good things or avoiding bad omens just to be on the safe side.

We visited a beach made of black pebbles and vicious looking lava outcrops.  It was surrounded by a lava field, mostly covered with wonderful soft silvery-green moss and lichens.  After the lave cools, dust is blown in and microscopic lichen, fungus and algae start to grow, followed a few millennia later by the mosses that continue to break down the lava into what eventually becomes arable land - if it is not then covered by more lava or a glacier.

It was a long tour, almost 12 hours of utter wonder.  We had walked several delightful kilometres and climbed quite a few steps and were quite tired by the time we reached our hotel so just ate what was in the fridge and went to bed, weary but still buzzing with the excitement of all we had seen. For me, a little bonus was the improved variety and number of birds we saw along the way, many of which we had been able to view with surprising clarity.

Our last day in Iceland was almost an anticlimax.  I went for a long walk around Reykjavik in the morning.  Heather’s ankle that she broke a couple of years ago was too sore to accompany me and we just reviewed photos, wrote stuff, repacked and had a Happy Hour in preparation for the long trip to St Johns on the morrow.

But given the chance, we would be back in Iceland with a campervan for a month or more perhaps risking the shoulder period to see the best of the whole island in all sorts of weather.  It is definitely a place that should be on everyone’s Bucket List and even after being here, it is still on ours!

[constellation-suggestions]

huge life update..!!

hey everyone !! so as you’ve seen, we’ve been slowly returning to this blog. we’re so sorry for kind of abandoning it in the past few months, it wasn’t on purpose and we never really meant to do it. there was no “let’s take a hiatus” decision, we did want to keep running the blog but a lot has been going on and life has been really distracting !! soooo much has happened with us, and we can’t wait to tell you all about what we’ve been up to !!

we left off telling you about our month-long first meeting. ruby lived in california while i lived in canada, and we met online through pokemon. at the very beginning of april, after almost a year of dating, ruby flew over to canada and we met for the first time. we spent an amazing month together and did so many fun things before she had to leave at the end of april, just a few days before our one year anniversary. it was a very tearful goodbye as being together in real life had been so wonderful that we really dreaded going back to being long distance. this is the part you’ve already known. oh how things have changed...

it was only a short two months before we saw each other again. we spent may and june apart, but then, at the very end of june, i was the one who flew to california. like ruby in april, it was my first time going through an airport and on an airplane all by myself !!! i was extremely nervous to do it but after it had happened, it wasn’t neaaarly as bad as i thought it would be. the flight itself was disappointingly extremely boring and i couldn’t wait for it to be over. i absolutely love looking out the window but the woman in the window seat beside me, as well as apparently every single person around me, kept the windows closed the entire flight ! ! ! ! and oh god that woman... i couldn’t text ruby throughout the flight so i wrote down the hilarious things she said so that i could tell her them later. i won’t say what they were right now because i don’t want a huge portion of this life update to just be about her but dear god ... if anyone wants to know what happened with her, feel free to send an ask about it and i will most gladly tell c; let’s just say... i named her melania trump ...

ruby and i had no idea that we would see each other again so soon. when we parted at the end of april, we had no clue for how long it would be. we hoped we would be lucky enough to see each other again around christmas, because we knew we really wanted to spend that together. and we ended up being even luckier than that ! we did lots of fun things in california; went swimming in ruby’s pool (i don’t have a pool so this was exciting to me okay !), went to a fair on the fourth of july where we saw a rodeo and amazing fireworks, we drove 10 hours to arizona !!!, where we camped for a few days in The Wilderness, and we had never seen so many stars in our lives. the town of sedona and the mountains in arizona were so extremely beautiful and breathtaking. we went to san pedro and santa monica pier... sedona and santa monica were my two favourite places, especially santa monica. they were both so extremely beautiful. the stars in sedona and the sunset on santa monica beach... in california we also discovered ubereats. i mean, we’d always known it existed, but they had only just started making deliveries where ruby lived, and we don’t have it where i live in canada, so we had never used it before. we ordered it once and then...got addicted. we ordered quite a few “feasts” every few days where we would buy enough food that it looked as though it were for a party, but it was just the two of us. relationship goals though, am i right ? i loved our feasts ! we also walked around hollywood, of course, which i’d really wanted to see. i got a lot of fun souvenirs ! and we saw the hollywood sign !! that about ended my time in california... or i should say, OUR time.

that’s right, when i returned to canada at the end of july, after spending one month in california, ruby came with me. it was my dad’s idea, that she should come for another visit and experience summer in canada, since when she was here in april it was still winter and way too cold to do certain things. we had her ticket to canada bought before i even left for california !

we missed our flight. we might’ve left the house a tiny bit too late, and then there was traffic on the way to the airport. once we got there, there was technically still time. our plane hadn’t left off yet and we knew that planes never left exactly on time anyway. if we hurried through security we could probably still.... but they wouldn’t let us !!! immediately at check in they told us that we could no longer check in for this flight. it was too late. we had to be there at least an hour before departure. even though we probably could have made it, they said no... but they told us they could put us on the next flight. which was at 6pm. IT WASN’T EVEN NOON YET. ruby’s parents had already left us at the airport, we couldn’t sit there until 6pm !!!! PLUS, my parents had already driven 2 hours to toronto for us at this point, doing some shopping before they expected to pick us up at the airport at 7pm canadian time. like this, we wouldn’t even BOARD OUR PLANE until 9pm their time !!!! WE WOULD ARRIVE IN CANADA NOT AT 7PM, BUT AT PAST 2AM. this could NOT happen. my parents, with my little siblings with them as well, could not wait for us until 2am. there had to be a sooner flight. there had to be. AND LUCKILY, THERE WAS. they said that they could squeeze us onto a flight that left just an hour after our original flight. we would only arrive in canada slightly late. thank god. we also extremely luckily got seats together. our seats weren’t assigned until we were waiting for the plane to begin boarding. the man at the desk said that unfortunately, they didn’t have any seats left together, as he started printing our boarding passes... but he didn’t even finish saying it before he cut himself off, seeing that they DID have a seat together, and printed our new tickets, next to each other. finally everything was set !!! we had a much better flight together than i did when i flew to california. i got the window seat and got to look out the window all i wanted !!! we also watched ratatouille on the plane. because of delays, we didn’t get there until 10pm canadian time. it was nice seeing my family again after a whole month away. and then was the long drive home... we got to my house near 1am. AND I GOT TO SEE MY CATS. i had been away from them for so long !!!!!!! 

so began our next month in canada. it was august, and we tried to do as many fun things together as we could. just a few days after we returned to canada, my family left for the long weekend to the state of new york. so we had the house to ourselves ! my siblings are... extremely loud and annoying. whenever they’re home, we try to stick to my room because there are no words for how horrible they are. so we were very glad to have the house to ourselves for once and took the opportunity to cook some tasty food together ! we made several good breakfasts and we even cooked two batches of meringues, which were really good. during the rest of august, we went swimming at the beach (where we had taken a walk back in april and i died from how freezing it was back then), shopped at my favourite mall, watched the incredibles 2 at the theatre, went to the african lion safari where we saw many animals such as elephants, zebras, giraffes, lions, and more, and we bought ruby a (very cheap) nintendo switch !!! she had been wanting one for literally EVER but had no money to get one. she was always really upset that she may never get one, especially with lots of games coming out that she wanted. so i helped her get one and she was so happy !!! we also both played my most favourite game in the world, together on our switches, when we saw that it had been released for switch: okami hd !!!! we have actually yet to finish it but we are very close to the end.... it’s such a good game and ruby really loves it ! i’ve wanted her to play it forever ! we also got mario kart 8 for switch, which has been a lot of fun to play together, we went to niagara on the lake, where we tried beavertails and poutine for the first time, but then when we had barely ate some of the poutine a TINY gust of wind somehow managed to blow it off our table and spill it all over the ground >:( we were so depressed !!!!!!  we also went on a horse carriage ride ! and tried costco fries ! (costco’s in the US don’t sell fries in their cafe area and i have always really loved them and wanted ruby to try them... on the other hand american costco’s sell chicken bakes which are SO good and canadian costco’s don’t D’: i will miss them..) and we had campfires again !! just like back in april !! ruby has also helped me find homes for 5 stray kittens/cats that lived outside my house. they were a big problem, always having kittens and sadly suffering during the winter when it was freezing and there was little food. we were finally able to help the last of them !!! that makes over 20 strays that i’ve found homes for ! however... there were actually 6 cats. the last was a black cat named pepper. i loved her a lot but she was very sick. a rescue did take her along with the other adult stray and had her treated and fixed !!! but they couldn’t find a home for her... so they ended up returning her a month later and... we ended up taking her in just a few days ago !!! pepper is now mine !! i have 6 cats now hehehe... so that makes for our time in canada.

you may be thinking to yourself: but you said you spent the month of august together. it’s been more than a month. you both adopted pepper just the other day, and it’s october now. well... that would be right ! ruby is still here. SHE IS STAYING HERE.

YES. YES. YES. RUBY IS IN CANADA AND NOT LEAVING. so a few weeks into august, i asked my dad for advice on what the heck we’re supposed to do for ruby to begin immigrating to canada. he said well why wait ? there’s no better time to start than right now. we were ecstatic and in disbelief. we wouldn’t have to say goodbye again. ruby was not going back to california. so it was still august when we cancelled ruby’s flight and began preparing for her move. she couldn’t go back for her stuff in california because well... it would be weird and suspicious if she spent a whole month in canada, went back to california for like a week, and then returned with a ton of stuff. what would she even tell as her reason for returning to canada at airport security this time ? yeah... we thought it would be best if she didn’t leave the country. instead, her mom is going to be mailing several packages of ruby’s belongings over. but don’t worry, we’re not secretly keeping her here illegally. my family has immigrated illegally to canada and ruby’s illegally to the US, so we know all of the trouble that causes and want to avoid that. she is technically still a visitor. americans are allowed to visit canada for 6 months per year, every year, so she can be here no problem until the end of january 2019. so we have until then to figure out something more to keep her here longer. we are planning to begin college together, and that way she can get a study permit and a work permit for the length of the program (likely around 18 months). in those 18 months we would then make progress toward keeping her here after graduation, such as having her apply for a permanent residency. it’s hard but i’m sure everything will work out !

however, we are... extremely stressed out at the moment. the problem is, we have no money. we need thousands to pay for college. we need jobs to get money. ruby can’t even get a job yet, as she has no work permit. also, neither of us have driver’s licenses, though we are working to get them. and she cannot get a work permit until she has a study permit. but to get the study permit we have to have a way to pay for school---- you see the problem.

we want to go to college for video game design and development. we both have a huge love and passion for video games and would love to be the ones creating them. we already have plenty ideas for games that we want to create one day. (because of me tbh,.. every little thing gives me a new idea !) the first school i thought of was the toronto film school. so one day we simply requested more information from them, so we could learn more about what the school and the program were like. the admissions adviser called us pretty much immediately and was super nice. we talked to him a lot over the course of several days, and were very excited to apply for this school. however... we hadn’t fully thought things through just yet. looking back on it now, he kind of pressured us a little bit, urging us to apply right away so that we could be accepted and start at the school in january 2019. he said that the school would help us find an apartment in toronto and everything. toronto is 2 hours away so of course we’d have to move out to attend this school. now, filling out an application isn’t the bad thing. neither were the short essays we had to write along with the application. i don’t mind applying and even being accepted to this school. what i mind is the price, after realizing that toronto may not be the best idea. the application had a $100 fee, each, and we are extremely extremely extremely broke. but we paid it. they urged us to, made us feel like we had to apply right at that moment and that everything would work out. within just like, 4 or 5 days honestly, of simply requesting some more information about the school, we had applied and paid a non-refundable $200 together. and just a few days after that.... we truly realized how bad of an idea it was. we hadn’t even glanced at other schools to see what our options were. i did mention our worries about money to our admissions adviser for toronto film school, telling him that i have no idea how we are going to pay for all of this and that we may just have to apply for another school--- he brushed me off very quickly. didn’t even consider the option and just told me that everything would be fine and we would find a way to pay for the school and that we should apply as soon as possible so that our spots for january could be saved. he pushed me to apply, and i feel stupid for doing so now. i regret it. if it had just been a written application and all free it would all be fine but what i regret is the two of us losing $200 when we have nothing. we could have used that money to apply for a different school or pay the fee for our driver’s license test and now we have nothing. i am salty about that. i kind of feel scammed. i wish we could get our money back but i’m certain there really is no way... it’s non-refundable. sighs... the issue is, toronto is SO expensive. the school tuition would have been $33,000 each, and we thought we were soooo lucky because they told us ruby wouldn’t have to pay an extra 10k in international fees and instead get the same 33k as me. toronto, being an enormous city, gives you the shittiest, tiniest apartments, for so much money. rent would have been about $1,200 a month for an 18 month program. we were easily looking at about $88,000 that we would have to pay together. god, i am only just realizing just how much that would have been. and that is ONLY for our schooling and housing, not including other utilities and things like food. where would we, jobless as we currently are, GET 88 THOUSAND DOLLARS ??? pluuus, fafsa (american college aid) does not support the toronto film school. however osap (canadian college aid) does. i would have gotten some help for my tuition but ruby, the one who needs the help the most, being in a foreign country with no money and unable to get a job yet, would receive NOTHING. apparently fafsa hardly gives you anything anyways... but something is obviously better than nothing, and she would get nothing.

so toronto film school was a bad idea. i regret spending that $200 application fee. even if we get accepted, i hardly doubt it’s going to happen. i don’t think i want it to happen anymore. the costs scare me too much. we would struggle too much. it would be impossible.

on the bright side, i suppose, we are now considering a better school option. (though that doesn’t make the extreme stress go away, of course. we are still extremely broke). there is a school 40 minutes from my house called the university of western ontario. it’s closer by, so the location is much better and we’d be able to visit home much more often. housing would also be so, so much cheaper. the apartments there are not only much better quality, but larger, and cheaper. i visited an apartment building just today that is literally directly across the street from my favourite mall and a 5 minute walk from the university. it is the perfect location and i’m kind of in love with it. the tuition itself is likely much cheaper as well. i have not requested any information from this school yet so i have no idea how much exactly a video game program would cost, but when i quickly googled the general cost of this school, it told me that it is 8k for canadian students and 24k for international students. yep, international fees, which the toronto film school apparently didn’t have. it’s not very fair that i have to pay only 8k possibly while ruby has to pay 24k, but 24k is still much cheaper than 33k. that is nine thousand dollars we would save. PLUS, fafsa actually supports this university. we highly hope that they would give ruby a decent amount of money, though she says they hardly help at all. they gave her only a few hundred when she applied to a californian college once that she didn’t end up attending, and her sister actually started college extremely recently and they gave her absolutely nothing. so... there’s a chance they won’t help much. there’s also a chance that since she’s going to school in a whole other country rather than in the US, they might give her more for that. but we have no idea how much they might give her until she applies for it. we can only hope that it’s a good amount. though... any little bit helps. at least at this university she will get something.

so the university of western ontario sounds heaven sent. just one problem. they might not have a video game program. and we reaaally want to go into video game development.... it took me two years to decide what career i wanted in life because none of them bring me happiness !!!!! i don’t want to miss out on this one now that i finally decided on it !!!! but there is still hope. western university does list a video game program on their website, they just say that it is currently closed. however i have seen articles published in just 2017 about how western is “one of the best schools for video game development”. i wonder, if it’s so great and those articles were posted just last year, how can they have the program unavailable ! what i am hoping is that they only mean it is unavailable for the current year, which would make sense. the school year just started, it is too late too apply. but we weren’t planning on attending until 2019. perhaps, perhaaaaps... they do still have the program and it will be open again in 2019, when we wanted to attend ? however i cannot confirm this until i contact the school, which i will do soon... i really hope this is the case. if western university offered video game design and had all of these other perks, it would be literally perfect.

(but we are still very poor and very stressed out and afraid)

currently, we need to finish getting our driver’s licenses. we, especially ruby, need $150 each just to do the test... then i need to get a job. and ruby needs to get accepted into a school so she can get a study permit and work permit and she can get a job. and then we have to purchase (yes purchase, not rent, my dad claims it’s the better option) an apartment, move out, and juggle school, work, and life all at the same time, while also working to make ruby a canadian citizen. phew ! ! !

ruby has considered making a gofundme and i think that we will do it soon... i don’t know if anyone would donate, they didn’t when i tried to make a gofundme a few years ago when my dog had cancer. but we can hope. any bit that any one would donate would help us with something. so i think that we will do it. we’ll probably post the link on here once we have it, in case any of you would be able to, and be kind enough to, help us out ;w; how does that sound...? does anyone here think they would be able to donate something once we have that link..? we are wondering whether we can expect to get any sort of help from here ;w; ... apart from that and getting jobs, i’m not sure how we can make some extra money... we will need as much of it as we can get if we want to make it through this without struggling terribly. i wish either of us were particularly good at something to sell on etsy or commissions or... i don’t know. i don’t know what else we can do.

anyway, that leaves us where we are now ! we have a lot on us that we need to accomplish but.. we will try to get through it. we will get through it. together. because i still can’t believe she’s here. i can’t believe this is happening. that we never have to say goodbye and we can begin work on keeping her here forever. it’s an amazing, amazing thing, but it has its difficulties. but we have already gone through so much together. it truly is 20gayteen. at the beginning of this year, we had never even met in real life yet, and we didn’t know yet that we would. in april, we met, and when she left we didn’t expect to be back together so soon. and even then, we had no idea that this would happen. that she would stay here and we would be looking to begin college and move out together. god, the things that have happened this year. wow. Wow. i have a hard time believing that this is real, that i’m not dreaming. i never thought something like this could happen. tomorrow is our 17 month anniversary, and we are together.

(sorry this was so long !! we’ve been waiting really long to update you guys on All of the things that have happened c: thank you so much if you managed to read the whole thing, and we’d love to chat about it more if you’d like to send an ask about anything ! ...remember, my melania trump airplane story... and i hope that when we create a gofundme in a couple of days, any of you will be able to help us out !! ;w; love you all !!! 💖💖💖)

[chogiwank]

Milkshake Boy - Art Student!Renjun AU [Part 1]

part 2

Pairing: Art Student!Renjun x Art Student!Female Reader

Summary: Y/N is new in town and works at an Arts Shop which old ladies, teachers and parents picking up supplies for their children mostly visit, and a cute boy who comes by everyday. Having an accidental encounter with the boy they develop a friendship and a love with milkshakes, art and of course each other. Because what is even a love story if they don’t fall for each other with cheesy shit involved

A/N: this story is requested but also inspired by a couple of prompts I came upon therefore not exactly an original plot I suppose but original story !! [part 2 posted] - Doyoung’s Darling

New York is such a beautiful place to live in, especially during the winter time. The snowfalls, the city lights at night of yellow and during Christmas the red and greens. I study at NY Arts School at the end of my sophomore year as a visual arts major. We were considered one of the least popular, the dance majors being the most. We weren’t really seen as much - what can you even do as a visual art major? Is what everyone asked. No one really cared to know for the history of art, Picasso, Monet, Da Vinci. No one really wanted to know what art really was, or why we even loved it. We were considered sort of outcasts despite it being an art school, such irony right? No one here realized art was a way to have colour in our lives, a way to speak with pictures without having to say a single word. It was a way to figure out how others minds work with their interpretation of pieces. It’s a way to make essentials and decoratives which existed in our daily lives; plates and utensils, carpets, blankets, many many things which art was discredited for.

Outside of school, I worked a job as a barista at this cafe, three to five hours for the weekend and then head to the library to study. My parents- well my mother works a job as an English teacher. My father passed away two years ago, I never got much time with him due to him being overseas for his job, he was a good man and we both loved him very much - but unfortunately, his kidney’s gave out on him and couldn’t live a full time with us. Hey, that’s life right? Mystery and questions of will tomorrow come or not, it’s unsolved until it actually happens.

Without having many friends because of my hectic life after the death of my father, my weekend jobs to help out my mother and studying until 2AM in the mornings, life in New York was still really nice. I didn’t mind it, and I wouldn’t change it for anything - that was until my mother got a job offer overseas, to teach abroad in Korea. Yeah, Korea, that’s a huge change, right? Moving from New York to Korea, a massive culture shock, especially right before my junior year of high school. Although I had no choice, being a minor I wasn’t allowed to live alone, the only family I had left was my grandparents from my father and mother’s side. Mother’s lived in Canada, the land of freezing cold winters and sometimes even snow in May. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my winters but snow in spring? I’m not even kidding guys there was deadass snow in May and I was crying my ass lives in Canada and I’m not even surprised I JUST WANT MY WARMTH Really, I’m fine with winter it’s a beautiful season but I prefer my winters to stay in December and I like my warmth during spring and summer. So that was not happening anytime soon. Then there was the option of my grandparents from my father’s side but they lived overseas in Korea - so at this point, there was really no option I had to leave New York, I had to leave NYA behind and start a completely new life. Live in a foreign country where I wouldn’t know anyone besides family and I had to work on speaking a whole new language. See, I know bits of Korean and I can understand it - thanks to my father being Korean, but I suck at speaking it. Now, of course, my mother and I looked into it to get me into an international school so it’d be easier for me to adjust, but I still felt unease. Everything would be so different, totally new people, teachers, school a whole new country. I’m not the best at change but...for this I had no choice, it was for my mother, the sake of her job and our living.

And so here I am in Seoul city the capital of South Korea.

I arrived here in early June, around the time school was ending for Korean students. My mother and I were provided with a small studio in the city, acquired transit passes and I surprisingly ended up with a job. It wasn’t much I just got to work in an Arts Shop as a cashier, for the time being before school begun once again in August, it was weird because school for me usually started in September, but I guess that’s the beauty of culture change, adjusting to new routines and lifestyles. Of course, my grandparents gave us some money to last until second month’s rent and invited us over for dinners to help us save some before mother started her work.

The owner of the Arts Shop was very kind, an old man who sat behind a counter every day reading the newspaper and always had a bright smile talking to customers, and currently I was in his position - without the smile. I was spending five hours of my vacation days in a foreign country behind a counter of a shop which old ladies, teachers and parents visited. There were the rays of the bright sun which shone into the store, lighting it up during the day and bringing in heat. The air conditioning wasn’t available so I was left to cool down with any paper or book I could fan myself with, it wasn’t very useful but the best I could do.

“Excuse me, I have a quick question.” A boy came up to the counter with a bright smile. He had dyed blonde hair covering his forehead, round glasses and a yellow t-shirt. His eyes a shade of brown, chocolate-coloured if I must say, sort of hazel with the sunlight on his features.

“Excuse me?” He waved a hand in front of my face, knocking me out my trance.

“Oh yes, sorry.” I shifted my gaze to the counter top in embarrassment. Was I staring? I can’t be, oh boy he probably thinks I’m a creep. “How may I help you?”

“Well there’s two things, first do you have any of these paints?”

I examined the empty bottle of paint he placed on the counter. “Ah, asianpaint’s oil paint. That should be in soon, just not in stock today sorry to dissapoint.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Second question?”

“Any idea when they’ll be in?” He anticipated.

“Possibly in a week, but that’s if they don’t get held up somewhere in transport.”

“Oh alright, well thank you.” He bowed, grabbing his empty paint bottle stuffing it into his backpack and walking out the door.

Now, that boy I’ve been seeing him every day since I’ve started working, which wasn’t really that long ago, maybe it had been just one week? I see him every day in the same spot, he’ll come around during the evening and sketch in his book while drinking a milkshake, strawberry I think? I caught myself waiting for him to show up each time. In fact, I started to realize how cute he actually was- if only I had socialist abilities but I don’t think they’ll be out any time soon.

The next day passed by as the same old routine: wake up, eat breakfast, mother and I would head out to my grandparent’s to check in, then at 3:00PM I’d be here to work until 6:00 or 8:00 you know depending on how exhausted I was. I would then head home to eat dinner and then sleep. The next day would just be a repeat of the previous one. Today was just like any other, except with a slight change - the manager asked me to come in a little late to close up shop since he had other duties to attend to early and so I accepted. I walked in at about 6:00 and closed up shop around 9:00 it wasn’t that busy considering many people would be having dinner between this time and so no one came in, giving me the opportunity to sit down and play games on my phone, scroll through Instagram and such.

As the clock hit 9 I began to check around the shop to make sure everything was okay, I locked the entrance door and walked out from the exit. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the chance to meet with the cute milkshake boy who would always sketch. It was a bummer really but, lately, he’s been talking to me, nothing too big just little conversations of ‘how was your day’ ‘have you been well’ and little jokes here and there. It was quite nice actually, made me feel like I was being accepted.

As I started to walk away I turned the corner bumping into someone, falling backwards with a hard hit to my tailbone and smashing my head on the ground. I groaned from the pain and my eyes squeezed shut feeling a weight on top of me. I sat up as I felt the weight of the stranger lift off me, speaking incoherent apologies and ‘I should’ve looked where I was going’. My brain adjusted my vision from the hard fall to the night lights, fixing the blurred face of the stranger. My eyes grew wide from the surprise of who the stranger was, I swear they almost popped out of their sockets.

“Milkshake boy,” I said as I groaned, the back of my head throbbing from pain.

“Are you okay?” He asked in concern, rubbing his elbow as it bled due to the scratches from the concrete. “Can you see how many fingers there are?” He waved three fingers in front of my face.

“Three.” I hissed rubbing the back of my head. He let out a sigh of relief and stood up helping me get on my feet as well. Losing my balance I let out a yelp as I began to fall once again, the boy’s arm wrapping around my waist to keep me up. Looking up, I thanked him for preventing a second fall, eventually making eye contact I giggled at our position - a dip with his arm around my waist and our faces close to our noses barely brushing each other- confusing the boy at my abrupt laughter he furrowed his eyebrows until he came to realize how we stood and our closeness. He blushed, his cheeks turning a tint of pink helping me up to stand on my own. his gaze shifted to the ground as he fiddled with his thumbs from the embarrassment.

I cleared my throat to speak breaking the awkward atmosphere,

“you’re milkshake boy, right?”

“w-what?” He looked up with wide eyes. “is that how you acknowledge me? Milkshake boy?”

“Uh yeah, kind of - you never really told me your name.”

“Oh...” he trailed off from the realization, “Sorry, my name’s Renjun.” he extended his arm for a handshake.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Y/N” I smiled. “Still prefer calling you milkshake boy though, it works better.”

“Well if you’re going to be calling me that...” he scrunched his nose, placing a hand on his chin in thought. “I might as well keep calling you counter girl.”

“counter girl?” I questioned. “is that the best you came up with?”

“the most decent one.” he corrected. “there was also Arts Shop girl, cute counter girl-”

“cute?” I raised a brow from his confession.

“w-what- oh!” Renjun panicked from his accidental slip up. “no, no! I meant like uh..well it didn’t work that well.”

“So you don’t think I’m cute?” I teased.

“no, no that's not it I-”

“I’m joking!” I laughed. “Loosen up a little.” Renjun rubbed the back of his neck as his face got a darker shade of pink from his continued embarrassment. He was really adorable from afar, but boy was he even cuter red-faced, and when his nose scrunched up, oh boy. I think my heart melted.

“What are you doing here so late?” Renjun questioned. “Don’t you usually come in the afternoons?”

“Oh, so you stalk me now?” I teased, making Renjun flush as he denied. “Wow, you really do blush easily.”

“What, no I don't!” Renjun said flustered. “I just- it’s cold.”

“Yeah, it’s cold in 18 degrees Celsius and that's why you’re constantly red not because of every time I tease you,” I smirked. Renjun gave a stern nod crossing his arms over his chest.

“That’s right.”

“Whatever you say milkshake boy.” I shrugged my shoulders. “I have to be getting home now-”

“What? Alone at night?”

“Well yeah, what about it?” I tilted my head to the side.

“It’s just so late.” Renjun said concerned. “What if anything happens to you? You shouldn’t be out alone this time of night.”

“How do I know you won’t murder me?” I crossed my arms over my chest, teasingly cocking up an eyebrow.

“I would rather not be someone suspected for murder,” Renjun laughed. “Plus I’d probably get kicked out of my art program.”

“Art program?” I questioned. “You’re in an art program?”

“Yeah, don’t be teasing me or any-“

“No, no! That’s really cool, I used to be in one.” I exclaimed. “I love art so much, it’s one of my greatest passions.”

“Really? Why aren’t you in it anymore?” Renjun asked.

“I used to live in New York with my mom, then we moved to Korea because she got a really good job offer.” I smiled.

“Oh I see, New York yeah? Is the cheese cake as good as they say?”

“I wouldn’t know,” I chuckled. “I never really liked cheese cake.”

“Whoa really? Anything you did like?”

“Hotdogs actually, I ate them everyday after school - I kind of got sick of them at one point so I ended up switching between fries and hotdogs.”

“Understandable,” Renjun laughed. Gosh, his laugh was so pleasing, it could probably calm tsunamis and gather animals around him like in fairy tales when the Princesses sing - his laugh was a perfect melody. “My sister should be here to pick me up soon, let me give you a ride.” He offered.

“What? No, I couldn’t let you do that, we just met.”

“Come on, please?” Renjun pout. “It’s either you let me drive you or you give me your number so I can check up on you to make sure you got home safe.”

“Oh,” I blushed looking down at my feet. Did he just ask for my number?

“I’d probably have nightmares if I found out I let you walk alone and someone murdered you.” He grabbed my arm. “Let me drop you home.”

I nodded my head, “102 Jeongu, I live up in the apartment.” My face was still flushed and god it was so embarrassing, a few minutes ago I was literally teasing him for getting flustered easily and now the tables have turned. He smiled as I told him my address turning around to the street as a bright light shone on us.

“Noona!” He said heading over to the car. He opened the door signaling me in. I shyly greeted his sister as he introduced us and drove me home. I felt sort of bad though, I didn’t even know where his house was, what if it was on the completely opposite end? Gosh that would fill me up with so much guilt but I was thankful for the ride as it saved my legs from the pain of walking 30 minutes and the possible dangers of the night - you know the possibility of me getting murdered or kidnapped by someone, which I doubt but not really impossible. In all honesty, I hated the dark anyways, it’s childish but I’ve always been scared of it I don’t know why? I’ve just never been comfortable enough to be alone surrounded by pitch black. Possibly the outcome of all the horror movies I’ve watched.

Arriving at the apartment doors I thanked them and asked if they would like something in return for the favour, both denying for the return of anything.

“It was our pleasure,” Renjun’s sister warmly smiled.

“Just stay safe, okay?” Renjun flashed a bright smile waving as they drove off.

I walked to my apartment and greeted my mother who sat on the couch reading a People’s Magazine. Wishing her a goodnight I got myself ready for bed, my mind playing out the encounter with milkshake boy as we stood close our noses almost brushing each other’s. Should I have kissed him? No, wait wait that’s wrong - I’d come off too strong and probably drove him away. I really wouldn’t mind kissing him, his lips were so pretty and pink, they seemed soft so perfect to attach mine to. Maybe one day, I sighed. One day, as long as he’s not a douche - please don’t be a douche, uh what was his name again? Renjun? Yeah, Renjun. And so, I drifted off to sleep after the surprise event of today hoping tomorrow to be another.

A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this!! Please feel free to DM or comment below your thoughts and send in requests if you wish!! I’ll be making a part 2 as long as this post gets let’s say uhhh 30+ notes likes and such !! <3 take care of yourselves,, lovelies!! - Doyoung’s Darling [PART 2 HAS BEEN POSTED LINK ABOVE!!]