#but the truth is sometimes i get incredibly annoyed especially after prolonged contact
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#i really want a therapist mostly to talk about things that would be nearly impossible or very sensitive to talk about with lets say a friend#like the times i feel monstrous because i cant take talking to my bro#i love him#i love him dearly but at times i just cant take interacting with him#he is autistic and we are so blessed that he started to talk and can communicate somehow in this way and id never deny this#but the truth is sometimes i get incredibly annoyed especially after prolonged contact#i know he loves me as well and i know he loves to hang around me because i talk to him most often#out of the people he knows#but comes a time when i get irritated pissy and i fear i might snap at him and I really would not want this to happen#it just irks me badly because i know what he will say i know how he will say it he has these phrases and ways of talking he mostly copies or#he does these things like a script and sometimes i dont feel like…#i just know we will probably never connect in a way i connect with my sister which doesnt make it worse but there is just this gap#thats really hard to jump over#and i can see people also have these knee jerk reactions at some of his behavior#and some are very bad at showing it and even get mad#i dont want him to feel bad about something he has so little control over if any#but i also know he feels bad about me distancing myself when i feel overwhelmed#its so hard to navigate this because i feel bad whether i do this or do that
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