#but the structure of social circles make it so im only making friends with ppl who are already convinced if not far enough to me

[samaspic31]

google how does one live without quite literally continously screaming from the distress of the 2324565432 simultaneous ways humans (are incentivised to and do not question the urge to) abuse each other and the planet. how

[johannestevans]

It's really fucked up extricating yourself from abusive dynamics when several ppl like. End up feeling safer with the abuser and the abusive dynamics in play than leaving that whole power structure and experiencing something new and unfamiliar

Idk some of it is the thing of. Well he abuses other people but he'd never do that to ME, i understand him and no one else is being fair to him

But some of it is just. Finding the abusive dynamics less challenging than the alternative would be

Idk it's sort of sickening thinking about how i basically experienced like. A tighter and tighter ring being drawn around me about what was acceptable for me to do or say or feel, and how when i asked for ways to like. Fix it

And then did as i was told

t was never enough - because that's the point? The point is it's never enough. The point is you always have to be grovelling and on the back foot, and they always have to be in control, bc their need to hurt and dominate others is from being like. Insecure and scared

And idk. A convo I've had a lot recently has been like "he feels shame afterwards" "okay, so what is he doing w that shame?"

And the answer from a lot of people was to soothe the shame bc it feels bad

But its like. Well you should feel shame for abusing others actually

You should feel shame for speeding in your car, putting the passengers and other motorists at risk of an accident. You should feel shame for ostracising others and making them homeless. You should feel shame for slamming doors and screaming in people's faces. That shit is odious.

And idk a lot of what im feeling recently is like. Anxiety about ways in which the DARVO tactics have been pulled on me, that I'm the abuser for saying things like "being treated like this is hurtful", even though ppl "set boundaries" against me saying things like that

esp knowing that everyone still within that abuser's circle is not only unsafe and one of them is gonna be next for the psychological abuse stuff, but also that someone could very easily be seriously hurt or killed by that behaviour

Idk I feel better for like. Blocking all of them and their friends on socials, but it's just shitty when its like. Several ppl involved who are engaging in the same abusive behaviour when you thought they cared about me, but they care more about that abuser than me.

[kidflashimpulse]

i personally really wanna know what Bart's relationship with the mental health check-ups is. like, is he super tight-lipped about what he's been through and plays everything off as fine, that he's handling it? does he talk about certain stuff but not others? has he legitimately gone to therapy since s2 or has he only done what's required of him? i'm very very curious

Okay, so this is such a good question it has taken me forever to put this together because I have a million thoughts and its impossible for me to put a proper structure to it so please bare with me, I tried my best LOL also I am SO SORRY for writing up this essay as my response LMAO i don't know, the words just won't stop !

warning: it is a lot im so sorry lol

From what I've read among the fandom, I often read that hes been put to therapy pretty much from the moment season 2 ends and has since his stay in the present managed to somewhat "heal" from his trauma or at least confront it one way or another.

Personally, I somewhat disagree with this approach. First, like we've seen from Gars arc, BB had been suffering for months pretty badly, but interventions and mandatory check ups weren't at all enforced on him until what many thought was pretty late. Honestly, I found this actually pretty realistic. From both a "slice of life" aspect as well as what's typically expected from professionals. Thats because you can't force someone to seek help unless they pose a threat to themselves or can't care for themselves anymore. So people really only intervene when things reach their nuclear stage. Typically people who also need help withdraw themselves from their social circle, as we saw with Gar, which idk if ppl realise makes it incredibly hard for them to even try to help (not out of a lack of empathy, but because they have their own responsibilities, and if someone withdraws themselves from you, then its much harder to approach them or be aware of the extent of their mental health problems). Again, I actually found his friends general involvement in Gars mental health journey fairly realistic.

I think people also overestimate the reach (heh) of the Leagues mental health efforts. The mandatory aspect is a simple "check up" and this involves a lot of people. So unless someone is actively seeking or needs help, theres only so much this service can do.

Now how this unwarrented essay on an imaginary health care system ties in to Bart (lol im so sorry for my rambles), well ill tie that in later.

Now, maybe im reading too much into it considering how him being fine was made into a gag in the Elder Wisdom Season 3 episode lol, but his first reaction (which at that point wasn't made into a recurring joke) to Barrys worry was very much "its nothing, im fine, your worry is annoying". His emotional intelligence was also displayed from his scene later on where he manages to call out what Jay was really going thru for what it was.

Elder wisdom was an episode that was listed multiple times in the watch list for the series and Jays involvement was pretty prominent in it. Now with how Phantoms concluded, Jay was listed as someone by Dinah in the last episode who has needed mental support, so it seems like that plot line has been continued. Now I don't know about you, but I interpreted Dinahs mention of Jays issues to stem from Bart being missing (compounding onto general hero life stress and him probably still mourning Joan). This is because the creators of YJ always heavily emphasise that "everything u need to know regarding all plots is what is shown" and starting from the moment in season 3 where Bart guarantees he's not going anywhere, to the moment that Jay returns to an empty home from which Bart was missing for over two weeks, to the conclusion of Jay needing mental support, I feel like its a very tidy and directly connected storyline.

Another thing from that episode which has been continued over this season is that Bart is always guaranteeing that hes fine. Its a little jarring in parallel to the worry Jay was going thru, especially with us as the audience knowing that he actually has been through a lot in those two weeks and that all that time he was literally in bandages. But the moment hes awake with Clark and co, he guarantees hes fine and immediately resumes with the mission.

What I found pretty interesting with Barts involvement in Phantoms is that a lot of what has been previously assumed of him from season 2 has been supported this season. I believe the intention of his scene with the Legion when he pretty much cornered them into revealing the truth is that he somewhat has a switch on his personality depending on the circumstances. Which to an extent supports the notion that while his general personality is pretty much genuine, what he shows depends on what hes in the mood to play up or down.

From season 2 we've seen that he can be pretty tight lipped on what he wants. From season 3 we've seen him adjust to his new timeline pretty well and in season 4 we've seen some of his complexities as well as how it can affect the people he cares about.

So, with all this in mind, to answer your questions. With the check ups being spread thin with the purpose of singling out people who are shown to need/ask for it and his affinity for being tight lipped as well as playing everything off, guaranteeing that hes fine and keeping to himself, hes really only done what hes been required to do and played off any need for concern that would require him to seek further help. This doesn't mean I don't think he hasn't talked about stuff with the people hes close with.

Lastly, he also has the factor that a lot his background has to do with the future. Sure it might be one that doesn't exist anymore, but im sure he'd struggle to explain things without giving away too many things that he'd believe he really shouldn't be saying. Also his very specific background restricts him from seeking any professional help outside of league related resources.

So yeah, if you made it to the end of my post, thank you for reading :D <3 I hope through all this I at the very least, managed to address your questions and give my two cents on our fave speedsters relationship with mental health check ups

[makiema]

Hi! About that one post about objectification in csm, what WAS the purpose? I didn’t think there was any, I thought Denji was that kind of person. I don’t mean this in a mean and derogatory way btw, I’m still kind of confused on some parts and trying to understand better! I just read it recently 😅

hiii anonie the purpose behind the objectification (and yeah you’re right in the beginning denji is a perv it’s not derogatory at all it is true) is to build up the Freudian motif in denji’s arc. this Freudian motif involves stuff Freud said about sexual attachment, repression and the blurring of boundary lines b/w sexual and platonic attachment in the absence of repression. im putting the explanation of how the motif works from the beginning till the end below the cut bc it got a little long

now the first thing we have to keep in mind is that denji is not only a boy who grew up in the absence of his mother so he doesnt know what motherly love/platonic love is he is also a social outcast, uneducated and extremely impoverished which makes him apathetic to society and in a sense, a little wild. so given that he is in puberty his sexual urges are well kind of at their height and also a new thing to him and he is never like schooled and taught to not project those urges onto random women. so ofc whenever he meets a new woman his libido and along w it his head just goes bonkers. now for normal people there’s actually layers of repression going on when it comes to the oedipus complex i.e. feeling a sexual desire for your mother [this is all freudian shit and its not like i believe all this but a large no of authors talk abt this so yeah dont think this is my opinion at all its just a popular psychology theory and also boohoo to freud for forgetting gay ppl] adolescent boys according to freud apparently have an oedipus complex on a subconscious level but thanks to repression [how does repression happen? in society (norms + moral codes) and thru social structures (family, school) we’re taught to separate b/w mother figures, sister figures, friends and lovers] the complex stays on a subconscious level; they don’t consciously project their sexual urges onto a girl who’s family (mother/sister) now contrast this with denji’s situation. none of the layers of repression actually happen in his case bc he never knew a mother and was completely cut off from society. so whenever he meets a girl despite their age or despite what kind of a bond might be possible b/w him and the girl in question he.....feels the need to do sexy stuff. however, over the course of the series we see this changing. first of all let’s sort out the different figures— makima (the mother figure) then power (the sister figure), then himeno (friend/superior figure) and then reze (the lover figure). denji’s bond with all these figures, in the initial phase, involved sexual and pervy stuff so basically a blurring of boundaries when it comes to different kinds of attachment. this same thing happens with shinji in evangelion with misato, rei and asuka. both denji and shinji are boys who never actually knew motherly love which makes it difficult for them to separate platonic and sexual attachment. for normal boys, this happens way before they interact with girls in society because a family structure, where they have a mother and perhaps a sister, teaches them how to distinguish platonic from sexual. so that’s why denji wants sexual intimacy with anyone and everyone and ends up objectifying them. but then in the end, he learns the difference. like when he feels up power but it feels empty. then when makima teaches her that there’s stuff outside “naughty stuff” which would give him emotional fulfilment. and then when he doesnt have sex with himeno because well he says its bc he wants makima to be his first but what he really means is what makima said about getting to know a person for emotional fulfilment prior to this got to him. he doesnt want random sex with women anymore. now he wants physical intimacy as long as there is emotional intimacy too and this happens with reze who is the real lover figure. after this we have the episode with power where they bathe together and theres that weird sex position (when power asks him to drink her blood) but denji says this doesnt feel sexy altho he knows power really well and theres an emotional connection so he learns to separate erotic love from familial love or sisterly love bc with power there is familiarity and comfort but no sexual desire. and in the end we have denji saying he really does love makima even after all that she has done and this time there is no fantasy panel of makima in lingerie cropping up in his mind. he only says he loves her. now this is a pure, platonic love that he feels for makima. it is the love someone has for their parent. makima + power & aki constituted his family (the social structure that puts a repression on wild sexual urges) if aki is the older brother and power the younger sister like makima said then makima is the mother. and this part was confirmed by fujimoto himself he says he named makima “makima” bc if we remove the “ki” it becomes “mama” which is what she is to denji [this is mentioned in the csm wiki] so, the love that he comes to feel for these three is indeed deeper than a frivolous kind of love or a momentary feeling of sexual attachment. also, in the aftermath, once he has grown enough to separate sexual from platonic, once he matures into someone who knows what empathy, affection and familial love is we see him get a daughter figure, Nayuta who is ironically the reincarnation of Makima, the first female figure denji felt sexually attached too. this is the poetic justice of the ending! we have a protagonist who’s fully outgrown his freudian attachment with a mother figure who took care of him and is now responsible for taking care of her instead but in the form of an adopted daughter. so the development kind of comes full circle. denji doesn’t objectify or crave sex with random women anymore and in fact now he’s matured enough to take care of a daughter with whom he has the purest platonic relationship and there’s no sexual connotation at work here like not even on the subconscious level. so yeah that’s why the objectification in the beginning was kinda necessary taking in consideration his pitiable position and also the development that happens through out the course of the manga. it also makes the conclusion to his character arc more potent and satisfactory :) 

[brianna-lei]

Butterfly Soup Asks #16

This time including the squad as DnD characters, Liz facts, Noelle getting her yaoi education, and more

I’ve only played Dungeons & Dragons once (1) in my life so I’m no expert! I’d consider my thoughts suggestions (like with my takes on the charaters’ MBTI types, which I’m not an expert of either): 

Noelle as a Wizard sounds right, since she definitely can’t do anything reliant on physical strength. She would be an asshole and attempt things like building a Clone Army

AKARSHA THE BARD. Rogue sounds too cool for her

Diya: I actually want to say she’s a Ranger because the Wiki on 5th edition says “The Beast Master archetype forges a connection between civilization and beasts, allowing the character to interact with animals in certain ways including gaining an animal companion to control.“ Fighter and Knight also sound plausible though! 

Min: Barbarian with high Strength and no Intelligence and Wisdom

I don’t want to say too much because I want to save things for the sequel, but here’s some stuff:

She actually played against Diya in youth leagues before she transitioned. That’s why she recognizes Diya+specifically approached her to sign the baseball club form while Diya doesn’t recognize her. At the first club meeting Liz tells her “I was at one of your games when you were little” -- This is purposefully ambiguous/misleading (sounds like Liz was just watching) because she passes and doesn’t want to out herself to a bunch of club members she doesn’t know well

After transitioning she quit baseball and switched to softball. It was weird being the one trans girl on a team of cis dudes, and additionally when she was younger she sort of felt like she had to prove she was a girl; she naturally has feminine taste, but she’d overperform it by 25%. It wasn’t until she got close to Chryssa and found out she also liked baseball that she reclaimed her interest in it

She has a nice resting face so strangers tend to ask her for directions 

Sunburns easily

Yesss check the FAQ guys! Fangames are fine as long as you explicitly say it’s a fangame!! 

I’m almost mad I didn’t think of this myself. I’m one of those people who overuses “spoopy” 

All art in the game (including the title screen) can be downloaded here!

NO!!! 

Noelle. The day the others find out will be the End of her

Akarsha was reading some yaoi so it came up in conversation, and since Noelle had never heard of it Akarsha gleefully educated her (to Noelle’s horror). Noelle was extremely scandalized that Akarsha kept sending her inappropriate images, and Akarsha was like “i’m doing this out of the kindness of my heart! it’s for ur education!! me: Master Teacher. call me sensei”  

Following this Akarsha changed her chat name to YAOI SEME as seen at the beginning of the game 

Diya and Noelle: Never tried it

Min: Has tried it 

Akarsha: She constantly makes weed jokes but actually only does it rarely 

Yes, I’m planning on exploring this more in the sequel! 

Diya; Dee-ya. Rhymes with “See ya”

Min-seo: Korean way, but most characters like Diya pronounce it like Min-so, with the “Min” rhyming with “win” (not like “mean”). The “so” is one syllable (not like “see oh”)  

Akarsha: uh-KAR-sha

Noelle: No L 

I was planning on making the sprites blink! I’m still a bit sad I didn’t end up doing it

It’s supposed to be fall 2008 when they’re in high school, but I took a LOT of artistic liberties when it came to the references. For example, Akarsha makes a Durarara reference even though the anime didn’t come out until 2010, and there’s a lot of modern memes that ended up in there too...I couldn’t hold back...

The IGF trailer video is especially modern-day meme-wise -- since it broke the 4th wall, it was like, all bets are off. Don’t think too hard about it!

I wanted to put a lot of 90s and early 00s hits in the game for the nostalgia factor, like Complicated, Rock Your Body, Dilemma, etc. I think it would’ve made the experience even more surreal for players who are around my age!

I don’t own the rights to all the music so I can’t distribute it around for people to download! Here’s where you can find everything:

Thought Projection by Ketsa

Holding Your Breath by Ketsa

Thoughts of You by Ketsa

2011-13 by Ketsa

Miyauchi Yuri/110515 (miltata remix) by Miltata

Night Tourist by Miltata

Sound413_Images(short) by Miltata

Sound429_Floating Cloud (draft) by Miltata

Side by Side by Miltata

Blooming by Miltata

Romaras by Miltata

Little Circle by Miltata

Daydream by Miltata

Calling Project 2 by .que

Flame of Love by YOSHI

Valar Morghulis by Bloodgod

Overflowing by Tatsuya Kato

My Heart Will Go On - Recorder By Candlelight by Matt Mulholland

At one point Diya finds out what it means on her own. After she finds out, she uses it for the actual meaning :) (added this to the FAQ now) 

I can totally relate to all of them, but I’d say Diya! (added this to the FAQ now) 

that sounds a bit alarming

(I added this to the FAQ page now, thanks for reminding me)  I’m fine with people shipping whatever!! The only thing I can think of that’d make me uncomfortable is incest and shipping Diya and Min with male characters – other than that, go nuts

Oh noo im sorry, that must’ve been stressful! For those who don’t know, I chatted about my game for a few minutes last week with MEGA (a USC club I used to be in!). I’ve adapted them here with what I assume what the questions were: 

1. Is that your cat on your Skype icon? 

yeah it is!! it's burrito 

(people think it’s a cute name) 

LOL glad you guys approve

2. Was the game made in Renpy? What do you think of Renpy vs. Twine? 

yep! it's made in renpy! I actually started out in twine -- twine is impossible if your game is like longer than an hour and is image heavy. the engine started lagging so bad it would take 30 secs to do anything

2. Would you eat a tiny 2 inch man for $100 million?

LOL it's hard..it's a lot of money. I don't think I would

(but you could use that money to save many more lives! utilitarianism) 

it's a real dude tho! i'd feel awful for him haha it's hard when you have to physically do it LOL

3. How long did it take for you to make Butterfly Soup? 

FOREVER. I thought of it in my junior year over winter break

4. Was it for school (like an assignment)? 

nah! just on my own

(people saying that’s impressive) 

yeah!! self motivation

5. What’s your favorite part of the game? 

hmmmmM I like the "date" with min in the dream. it's so fun, with the dog park

6. Which character do you relate to the most? 

diya!! social anxiety queen, so relatable

(people comment on how she runs around when anxious) 

i really did that before my sat once, ran 2 miles at the school's track

7. Are you from the San Francisco Bay Area

yeah i'm from the bay! east bay

8. Which year did you first come up with Butterfly Soup? 

winter 2014 i think

(people trying to calculate which year was my junior year) 

i graduated a year early so junior year was also senior year

9. Are you making a sequel? 

yes!! once ihave more time. i have a lot of ideas for stuff that goes after

10. Was this a prequel to Pom Gets Wi-Fi? Or maybe spiritual successor?

this is a prequel. i dunno about spiritual successor tho, they're a bit differnt

11. Any tips on how to balance schoolwork and working on personal projects? 

hmm...i honestly sucked at this and could only work on it on breaks lol...if you can try to work it into your school projects, like some bit of it...

other than that i cant think of anything LOL it's hard

12. How did you organize yourself making such a long game? Any tips? 

it was SUPER hard to organize, i was really lost until i split it into 4 sections with each character. so if you're planning on making a game this big definitely think about forcing yourself into sections like that

the art was the most confusing to do bc of how many assets there were. i was going to say "have consistent naming conventions" but that's literally impossible LOL it'll always become inconsistent no matter how hard u try

13. What part of the game took the longest (writing? art?) 

writing, actually, despite how much i complain about art assets. it's really hard making sure the structure and themes come across correctly. like pacing is so hard. art is like #2 biggest time sink

14. How early in did you write the Akarsha/Min skateboard scene?

that came pretty late haha i put it in at last second

15. Are the characters based on real people? 

they're all inspired by combinations of ppl i know! i wouldn't say based on them, tho. for example min is like a combination of 3 friends i have, strategically arranged to play her part in the story

character design is design so u still gotta be deliberate about it

16. Who’s the other cat on the computer? (they’re referring to the cat on my desktop wallpaper) 

that one's maru! he's a famous japaense cat. he's super photogenic

(people speculating that he’s the “tube one”) 

the tube one? probably. he's famous for going into stuff

17. What was your favorite aspect of working on the game? 

definitely getting to put specific Asian-American experiences into it

i was like HAHOH i can do this and no one can stop me! it was really fun getting to do this without any creative direction from like, a studio or anything. so i could just go bonkers. i hate pitching stuff so

18. Any writing advice? 

definitely have other people beta your writing as soon as possible! they always catch stuff you missed. also this is like a cheat, make your characters really extreme. like find one aspect of yourself, and turn it up to 11 and make it into a character. that way they'll be relatable and memorable at the same time. i think most people don't make their characters extreme enough so they're all kinda samey

19. (I can’t remember what they asked me here, sorry! They were asking if a specific meme was in the game)

LMAO nah it's not. i did briefly think about it though, i will admit

20. Would you eat a Gusher the size of your hand? 

that would be pretty cool. i don't think i could eat it all at once tho...i would try to save it. like half

You’re welcome, I’m really happy to hear it helped the game feel relatable!!  

Thank you! I hope you have a good day too!!

haha I feel like my game is almost propaganda bc so many people wish they had girlfriends after playing it! the agenda...Thank you for waiting for the sequel, it makes me super happy to hear people are looking forward to it! 

You’re welcome!! I’ll do my best!!! 

You’re welcome!!!! :>

You’re welcome!!! 

same I’m really happy so many people find them relatable! you’re welcome!! 

You’re welcome!! my kids can never get enough love im very happy 

I’m glad you liked it! Thanks for the support! TT_TT