#but the reality... yeah it's a meme at this point just how much i complain about it for someone who calls herself a fan

[d-dormant]

you are right and you should say it!

"maleficent: mistress of evil" as the onion

[lesser-mook]

“Be thankful we only want equality” Be thankful Men give a hoot about you to begin with. (The Folly of Gynocentrism, the luxury of “Girl Power”)*rant

If all men turned asexual tomorrow? Yes, the sex infractions against women would somewhat cease to a degree but so would the privileges & double standards many immensely enjoy at the expense of men BECAUSE men want to have sex with women, BECAUSE men/western first world culture puts women on a pedestal, unearned on women’s part individually, BECAUSE straight men (prevailing number of men) want to have sex with women.

Now, context.

This is essentially an extended response to a very odd-ongoing delusional attitude that (women should takeover) or something / or women did males a favor by only wanting “equality” or what they think is equality but in reality is equal opportunity+ double standards their foremothers DID NOT have, ie. modern women blind to the privilege but got lip.

Hence the issue, thus my confusion.

To Clarify: Nobody specific brought this tangent on, it’s a general address to a cultural problem brought on by propaganda (which is not women’s fault), so what better way to TRY to address it than pointing it out, yet again.

Now the original meme “Be thankful we only want equality” is old, I remember when this garbage or a variant was first on this site. So the Meme is not new but the issue, the attitude inside of it, is still relevant. Same needless attitude i’ve been noticing for the past….15–20 years?

An attitude that did not exist in the 70s, not the 50s-the 80s were fun. The 90s, decent.

Which is appropriate because notice the decline in births in America since the good ol’ 70s, that is not an accident.

But you can’t really blame majority or vocal minority of women & girls for being on this misandry vibe when they’re encouraged to do it with no consequence or challenge:

Hold em accountable? Yes, but I know what’s going on. And it’s not women trying to derail civilization or make men their nemesis, it’s much worse. They’re being used.

Sure some corrupt men create corrupt women, and vice versa but kids aren’t coming out the womb trying to antagonize the other side. This is learned.

And if it’s not taught by the parent(s), it will be taught by the village:

SOCIETY.

Because if these ladies that feel this strongly, if they are about that life, they’d take this energy to Africa or direct it to places where girls are being made to be brides as young as 12, treated like things.

Or the middle east, where things go on that I’m not even going to speak about here.

You know how easy it is to do paperwork, get on a Delta flight & go make a change? But you see, they’d rather save the venom for their homeland where they arguably (for the most part) in many ways have it the best in the world- Where they know them men will just take it.

Example: America. Where they can complain and moan & slander, & cancel, and assault without fear of being dragged out of their house & beaten for treason or something. Or they are allowed to vote, do sports, enter politics, can drive, can marry other women, walk outside by themselves etc.

You see, that reality, will never sink in for most people. THAT’S how good some us have it (men and women) to not even naturally consider that in the first place, how good we have it in the West in general.

The OP of the original meme was probably some misguided teenage girl who thought she was making a point when it just shows that (regardless of what’s really going on above society) some/ too many women are delusional to think they have ANY leverage to say anything remotely close to or resembling a threat:

Not to Dogs, but to Male human beings, the same group of people that can wrestle bulls, form entire sports around violence, directors of the Armed Forces (and made up majorly of males) and can punch holes in walls.

Lmfao, yeah that’s smart, make those people your enemy when in reality all they want to do is protect you, whether if you earned that honor or not, a lot of men will just hand it to you for your attention.

Society doesn’t revolve around women, but it’s pretty damn close.

Yeah, screw that good deal up because you want to be different for no reason. Because message. Because hashtags & likes make you feel good about yourself.

Or more likely, you might have a good point about injustice against women in modern day, but you’re not delivering it how you should (like a visual of a woman *Medusa* holding a man’s head, communicating the overtone of a threat to male-kind), so the message gets muddied.

And the worst offense is the meme isn’t even championing or representing women in 3rd worlds with ZERO rights, not explicitly.

No these are first world spoiled crop tryna tell you you’re the lucky one because they didn’t push the envelope to demand more privileges or outright war on an entire sex, while completely disregarding that they have it better than most; That’s the real issue besides the obvious misandry.

But for real, let’s break down the hypothetical, just for fun, let’s start with some lore:

All the times we see a woman assault a man, nobody panics.

He hits back, he gets swarmed by everyone on some horde bs like out of a Zombie movie:

Pure 100% female privilege. We see it all the time, some more than others on YouTube. It’s funny at first, until you realize it’s not a skit and women are so oppressed they can assault people and be protected from retaliation.

Blatant male expendability communicated in real time, dangerous shit but okay. “Men don’t matter”, okay fine, that’s the narrative —

But you want to talk about Equality? How?

Your foremothers wanted Equality and you inherited a hybrid of opportunity, benefits, & privilege, a protected class status (naturally), you actually measure above most men (exception being elites, those who know the right people & select frat boys) in social hierarchy in A LOT of first world countries. Even the Bible puts the wife’s safety before the husband.

A Buffet line of double standards and benefits with the option to leave out accountability at any chance most could get away with it.

And society has trained most of us successfully to believe that’s the natural order, I mean, I ain’t even hating on it.

You got yourselves a hustle man, it’s fucked up but I get it.

But the part where you lose me-

is some of us are so high on the privilege- you don’t even realize or understand your position in society, how good it actually is, your unspoken value just by being born female, while it comes with many burdens/ some can be considered a curse (I get it), with that said-

some of us/ you don’t even truly get how important womanhood is.

In the process of inflating girl power & female hubris, womanhood is trivialized. Which is why so many adult females act like children and not women.

And for the life of me, that’s not your fault for not being taught how important that is. This is why culture is so important.

When culture is weaponized against the people to drive them apart and distract them, civilization suffers. When culture is used to pass on knowledge, and bring the village together; Civilization thrives.

America forgot what it’s culture was while trying to adopt everyone else’s.

But all I hear is male privilege. The privilege to get DRAFTED and die first…or just die first in any situation. But women getting DRAFTED is/was a debate?

Uhh where’s the Equality? Why is women getting DRAFTED a debate? Physical Training standards are lower for women in the Military (and other fields) but they can still get paid the same per rank?

What about that gap?

I thought you wanted equality, no? So how’s that okay? Where’s the Equality, I don’t see it. I see privilege.

And that’s fine (it’s not okay, no) but it’s fine though, if women are special snowflakes of society, great, that just means they’re also both the community strength of the village (as they always have been) and are now or have become a weak-link of civilization. Why? There’s a consequence to being protected 24/7, consequence of privilege, is liability.

When the risks of dealing with you outweigh the benefits, do not be surprised if men don’t approach you.

Blame your culture for your ruining what good graces you had left, don’t blame males of the masses.

And in fact, if you getting action relied on men making all the moves, maybe it’s time to grow up and if you want something to happen? Like an adult?

You’d be surprised how awkward women are when asking & getting rejected, because most women have zero charisma, why? They never had to develop it.

Hence liability, hence weak-link.

Because if you have to be told you’re “empowered, strong, powerful” instead of just being that.

It reads like society is inflating your ego at any cost to the point where it sounds less like encouragement vs a narrative that you have to be convinced or propagandized that you’re superior- which is what this is really about.

That by itself should tell you the culture you live in is just hyping you up for the sake of hyping you up; The question is-

“why?”

Girls are actually ahead, Women are more educated. And yet boys & men can’t seem to get any love. Despite making up the majority of suicides, but nobody seems to care about that because it’s not a female problem.

That sound like privilege?

Fact is, you’re being played like a chess piece, and it’s been working like a charm.

There’s have’s and have not’s — if society cares about women more than men, fine, let’s all as a collective just admit that and stop this “Equality” bullshit and just concede that men are a lesser priority because women are that privileged. Which is not equality.

Because even in TV, we can clearly see men aren’t exactly honored in America anymore in the overall culture. Sure there’s superhero movies where guys are cool, but that’s pop-culture, another very powerful propaganda vehicle but meaningless in the long term. Vs in the grand scheme of culture where shit matters? Like policy, or how we treat each other in the street? We just don’t care.

Just don’t overlook your privilege to tell men they have it good when you have NO idea what men go through to make sure your malls get built.

And it’s loooooooooooong overdue that somebody said it that isn’t some misguided MGTOW NPC with a bone to pick with women but instead just stick to goddamn reality & being honest before honesty becomes hate speech.

For a young generation of women, it’s pretty easy to overlook how much of society is built on top of males just to preserve you, regardless of what you might contribute or even want to contribute to men or a man in return. Regardless if you’re attracted to men or not.

So finally, hypothetically:

If men were free of their attraction to women like a Thanos snap, ALL of that bias for women would go out the window, women would be shell-shocked at the difference.

Not that men wouldn’t like women anymore, women are people, men & women would still be friends. But that primal incentive to put you first or ABOVE would logically go away, because the source of the desire to treat you special comes from hormones, attraction.

The Alpha females would be able to compete regardless no question, some ladies are built like that even at 16-19 years old. I’ve met some real Valkyries in my time, not enough, but shotty parenting & incompetent society is to blame for that, girls aren’t trained anymore.

But the vast majority of women wouldn’t be able to handle that paradigm shift if men’s sex drive for them specifically just ceased overnight. Some are too used to getting carried by males giving a damn & putting you above them for no reason that you’ve actually earned.

Especially in the dating game, again, some are too passive and expect men to do everything and you’re told that’s “the game” but the only one’s getting played are the men. That’s why it’s called a “game”.

This generation absolutely raised grown-girls and few to no women. No cap. And that’s NOT women’s fault.

I repeat:

While women should be held accountable, it’s equally true that Women not performing as they should, is not their fault- If they weren’t taught to bring anything to the table.

How are they going to do what they were never taught or trained to do? Society failed men and women.

So furthermore, without that hormonal block males can’t turn off unless overwritten by rage, then we’d treat you like true equals, no more special treatment, no more kid gloves, no more female pedos sleeping with 12 yr olds and getting off Scott-free because (she purdy), no more double standards because woman.

Say what you want, hit whoever you want, lie on who you want, send them to jail when they’re innocent but your identity is protected still AND get away with it because you’re born with the right Starter-pack. (Yes all of that is real, look it up.)

Must be nice. But all I hear about is male privilege. I remember at one point #KillAllMen was a legitimate hashtag, #MenArtTrash is a popular one on Tumblr even today.

It’s just amazing how dense we are, while walking into buildings men constructed. Your HVAC systems? Men. Those little holes in the ceiling panels at work? Men. Carpets? Men.

The Sewers? Mainly men.

Point being: Do not take a man’s fuck to give for women for granted. Because if you lost that main advantage in nature or let’s say after the upcoming economic collapse and it’s every man/woman for themselves to get food? And every unspoken social taboo that you rely to protect you when things get tense, all of that gone?

You wouldn’t stand a chance.

Because a female, as an animal, their main advantage beside their organization in communities, direct influence to the children, is ultimately the effect they have on males, the strongest. Men caring about them, wanting them. What’s the primary advantage against men when that’s gone? Do not take it for granted.

Women procure more people, they do not create life, let me expand on that, because that’s another Ego-trip some women seem to get high on and for the wrong reasons:

WOMEN- do not “create life”, Men & Women create life.

Women and men are a co-joined entity, when together they are then a physically complete human that can “create”, which is why both parties can’t create anything on their own.

A woman by herself, isn’t creating anything. If you could spawn a little one all on your own, no seed, just asexual mutation; Congrats sis, you just created life.

As much as we’re made to fight these days, we’re not a separate group, men and women alone are in reality an incomplete model of a human entity.

So the Eve deriving from Adam mythos has some weight to it, separate components, we are incomplete. When joined, life happens. It's almost poetic as it is literal.

It’s why not being with someone bothers most people so much, it’s not entirely insecurity. For while being single is the default state of existence after nothingness; Being with someone satiates your natural want to become a “whole”.

But strictly on a physical/meta-physical level, not being with someone doesn’t mean as a person you’re forever incomplete unless you’re latched to someone. Some people operate better alone, and do not need to be physically whole to be complete.

Some people can become their complete version without another person. But just know, that isn’t most people.

It’s joined together are we in our true form, because we are a co-unit, hence the baby, a genetic big-bang, a new universe, little hands, beating heart, the works.

Same goes for ethnicity, which is why things are better when we get along. We’re not truly separate until we force it to be that way, which is why divisive propaganda like *Civil War 2024* has lost it’s ability to be subtle these days.

Or? The powers that be have realized they don’t need to be subtle anymore.

Women maturate life, they nurse it, they carry, they are the threshold of life.

The only natural threshold of human life.

Men possess the means to allow women to do even that. Men are the Progenitors, the foundation, the beginning. And if we’re not careful, they will be the end of it.

(And I’m not going to specify or elaborate that on purpose, just let that sit on your brain)

Point being: Men are TOO used to being told these days they don’t get a choice, they have no say about the baby, they have no power, deserve less & less, but do more and more for women, she doesn’t have to earn anything of what he has to offer.

Just serve, nod, be quiet, and that’s “As he should”.

I mean, my god, what happened. This shit wasn’t like this in the 90s.

WHAT HAPPENED?!

The century turned and things just switched for the absolute worst. Yeah people live longer, but at what cost.

I’d rather live a good short life than a long dreary miserable one.

This current culture is too blasted comfortable, I swear man some of us lost our minds and forgot what a MALE is.

People really don’t realize how much civilization rides on men getting up and going to work and not asking questions.

That day without women stunt was cute way back when, but if Men pulled that? It would be chaos.

We must stop antagonizing men & lessening their importance in the minds of the collective because we’re so used to Men being used to abuse and disrespect.

And then we wonder where toxic pathetic/ even prophetic Fetishes like Macrophilia aka MacroCreeps aka Giantess aka “Needs positive female Attention ASAP” or “the Boy Desperately Needs a hug from his mother ASAP — “ Fetish

The fetish where woman is god, the giantess represents toxic matriarchy, toxic gynocentrism.

And the popular fantasy is she destroys civilization & gets a happy ending after casual genocide because someone got her order wrong at Starbucks.

Gee I wonder where they possibly could’ve gotten the narrative to form a fetish/cult around male expendability, female privilege/superiority and zero accountability- in a society that revels in propagandizing male expendability, female privilege/superiority and zero accountability.

I just can’t nail the connection.

Just absolutely amazing what some cultures produce because some parents refuse to do their jobs and the culture is that hateful & toxic, so naturally people will then develop mass stockhol syndrome/ fetish turned borderline cult and embrace that hatred & revolve around it.

No child comes out the womb wanting to draw & make videos of giant women/people/ women in general being a curse to humanity.

That’s what a giantess in this fetish is, a burden to humanity. Something the world doesn’t want, a woman with power. Which is not true.

I know what femdom is, I get it. Wanting an assertive woman in general to emulate Alpha Female energy is nowhere close to wanting to be abused, mistreated or Satanic level horrors on a city-wide, sometimes global scale. The difference is GENO-CIDE.

Let me repeat me that:

Wanting abuse and “GENO-CIDE”, clear difference. Oblivion of men, women and children (Yes, these people insinuate mass infantcide seeing as how cities include babies too- Oops, Right?

In fact, there’s a video on Youtube where someone edited characters from a Rom-Com anime in a scenario where they wipe out a city & the editor included a clip from (MY HERO ACADEMIA Season 4) of a child crying in a panicked crowd before being flattened to death.

A human shared that with humanity, full confidence. Why are we okay with this?

“GIANTESS” is in reality a cry for help. And you’ll have people liking the video, and the OP actually plugged in their patreon. Lmfao, I mean, get the bag i guess?! LOL

Pledge for more slaughtered children & misandry, “please support my patreon“

The West has derailed. This is what Gynocentrism created. Mini-Woman worship cults where slaughtering cities & kids is a fetish.

But these same people won’t put this energy into raising their own goddamn kids or making their partners happy.

See, nobody naturally wants to paint women in that light & devote almost a lifetime to it, that shit is not NOT normal, nor healthy.

But that’s the power of propaganda, corruption, twisting the natural order of one’s mind, social-conditioning/programming. The works.

The point of propaganda is to break you without alarming you, re-write you without erasing you.

And it’s a slow burn, it’s never instant. Corrupt breeds corrupt ideas.

“Repeat after me. Woman is god. Men are insignificant. We are powerless before our goddess.“

Which leads back into main topic/real life:

-because as these dropping birthrates in America, Japan, China, etc. show — Men are and have eventually gotten sick of the abuse & neglect and Civilization will suffer for it.

And as macrocreeps seem to glorify: Civilization will eventually collapse, and gynocentrism is a major factor for why.

NOT THE reason. A reason.

Gynocentrism is the sole Mother of the bastard child known as “Macrophilia” but Gynocentrism is not the sole reason why civilization will collapse which is what Macrophilia glorifies over and over again: Collapse of Civilization (Hence why the fetish is pathetic and prophetic: Gynocentrism leads to collapse)

The fetish emulates it’s mother.

But these fetishists won’t catch onto that because they’re too busy salivating over the dead bodies on the floor. Good job there parents.

Not that women having the same opportunities is the issue, but “GYNOCENTRISM”/Misandry are the problem.

Women having a chance to live their/ a life is not the same as society putting them on a pedestal to the point of woman worship which breeds more toxic, more disturbing woman worship (macrocreeps) in the first place.

Human Rights and Privilege/ The Rights of Women vs Woman Worship Culture; They are not the same thing.

That is the (Folly of Gynocentrism): you prop women up for their benefit and in the end, they suffer along with the men they’re propped above. Everyone loses.

You can not treat women like 2nd class citizens/ as things or pieces of meat to summon for sex & dismiss and expect a healthy or sane society for long.

And you can not leave men behind, & dehumanize them to deify women and expect your civilization to last. When your civilization needs men to work to make it work, and to protect it AND the women to survive.

The math is against you, against us all. But it also goes against humanity’s natural instinct as a network, on both accounts which IS WHY the statistics show things are on a decline.

It starts with the family, redefine what normal is, split up women & men, corrupt, divide, conquer, redefine, redefine, challenge norms, abolish roles so now women are confused, men frustrated, destabilize. Destabilize.

Empires fall.

Telling girls they deserve better without telling them to be or HOW to be worthy of that treatment and why it’s their duty to do so, is the folly.

Women do not have obligation or duty, just as America forgot what it’s culture was. Where it’s backbone went.

Just take, take, take and you deserve it because you’re the woman. Some think their personality is what they bring to the table.

Hold women more accountable but stop holding it AGAINST them when they don’t bring enough to the table because society and their parents were incompetent and didn’t train them to be useful in any way.

“Hold them accountable, but it’s not their fault.”

I get how conflicting that sounds, but if we’re going to face this or complain about it, we have to face the issue at the root. The beginning.

Same goes for the males, they’re also not making men like they used to because we’re castrating them, not training these kids to be respectful or skill, just raising them.

Because some of these boys with confidence, just don’t know how to conduct themselves with women, which is what leads to problems, and women not trusting men.

Not enough Men & MENTORS for these baby boys. Just grown-boys trying to raise themselves or remain little boys forever, hence the attraction to schoolgirls & aversion to women.

Grown men in the West that refuse to grow up by rejecting women; who will expect & drive them to step up. And instead cling to “kawaii/cute” culture in japan, a country that has nothing to do with them.

The girl has to be cute or tsundere or whatever the fuck, not mature, not responsible, not a challenge — A challenge?! Hell NO!

Or a 5'000 year old Mage that just happens to look like a 12 year old child with G-Cup breasts and acts like a 6 year old.

Again, the amount of American males clinging to Anime culture just amazes me, ONLY because of the amount of excuses they make for the pedo-content. Then when women start complaining that creepy anime is creepy, then the boys start crying “woke”. NO? Women/Twitter/Woke Culture are not the problem (this time) for calling it out, the problem is WHY DIDN’T YOU call it? Good sir, why didn’t you?

Many retreat to games, fantasy, fetishes, anime where scumbag main characters are rewarded female attention no matter how disgusting they are (convenient, isn’t it?), and then some pull away from real women because the ladies are not just giving themselves away like the waifu’s in their little shows.

This Kawaii/ Cute obsession Japan possesses has also contributed to their own birthrate/sex assault issues but I’m going to leave that alone.

TL;DR — Both the problem and solution of Gynocentrism and this hostility of the sexes starts at home.

Men are so simple and predictable, which is a good thing. VERY low maintenance creatures, very consistent as a whole, with high returns if the boys are trained properly.

(With baby Girls is a bit different, only because society will corrupt their ego differently than boys)

Example (an average superhero movie with a male lead like Spider-man usually teaches a lesson for boys to learn from in a good way, responsibility. Vs a female led movie where the heroine learns that she’s special and that’s her power; narcissism) Very different play on hubris. Both get a power fantasy, but the moral is different.

The fact is an average male will hand you the keys to his kingdom for less than what you’d be willing to offer in return, far less than what he’s willing to give; You’d have to be an idiot to take that for granted.

Doesn’t mean say “yes” to every guy that asks, I know awkward poorly adjusted grown-boys exist, especially today. But keep in mind the position you hold as the woman. Don’t scoff at that because that’s the only experience you know.

Peacetime went to some people’s heads, that’s another situation that happened.

War usually brings people together like an Alien invasion unites Earth. Or 9/11 united New York.

So to repeat my earlier point, when there’s peace, people tend to create problems, artificial chaos out of boredom. Or it’s created for us:

That might soon change and we’re going to see where #GirlPower gets us when shit hits the fan, the alarm goes off across the nation and that DRAFT rolls in.

If that happens (I hope it doesn’t, but it will) We’re going to see just what female empowerment is worth while everyone is looking to men to handle it.

Stay in your lane. Be humble. Be thankful.

While we’re past the point of recovery, it’s not too late to be the exception and possibly build something.

Women have their own struggles, very real struggles, and if they’re a protected class, fine, a village naturally huddles around children, then women, and then men. But we need to be honest about that, and stop pretending equality means anything, some of us need to be AWARE of how good you/they/we have it.

Again, where people lose me:

is they overlook their own good situation to tell dudes how good they have it or have the absolute nerve to insinuate men are lucky women only wanted equality- as if women would try anything and not buckle immediately if men really took them seriously as a threat to that extent, you have no idea how fast that shit would get shut down.

Women as a cooperative collective are a force of nature, they move & direct civilization after it's built. But a single Man with an ambition can start a nation. Men as a collective? Are innovators of frontiers as well as world-breakers.

Get that through your head.

Meanwhile men make up majority fatalities across the board anyway doing jobs that most women refuse to contribute to, but society for a while was trying to propagandize girls into STEM; yet there’s well paying jobs (that need more people right now) women could be working anyway; But nobody is having that conversation though.

Men aren’t god’s gift to the world, they’re lacking hard as well, they’re not 100% victims either. But stop taking them for granted & talking slick just because you’re used to men just taking it and most of what you watch signals that it’s not a big deal vs someone losing their job because they said you looked nice today.

A man’s life/womanhood/baby/marriage/dating/his livelihood/ HIS LIFE for hers is so trivialized nowadays that what a woman should be willing to do to be worthy of that possible sacrifice on his part is not even a talking point. It’s disregarded, thus men.

And that is not going to last forever, and you shouldn’t expect it to; because women would never put with it if it was (and for a time it actually was) reversed- Women would not, and did not put up with it, rightfully so.

[chaeryybomb]

nct dream reaction to their idol!reader girlfriend being shipped with another idol

anon: nct dream reaction to their idol!reader girlfriend being shipped with some other idol :) love your works btw. and thank you for this in advance

pairing: nct dream x idol!reader

genre: headcanons, fluff, crack

warnings: mentions of insecurities

a/n: dhsjdj technically my requests are closed rn but I decided I would write this out so I hope you enjoy this!

mark lee

confused boi™

tbh he wouldn't even notice you were being shipped with another idol until another member points it out

you were a special guest mc for the show and fans saw the cute interactions you had with the boyz juyeon

and soon enough fans started shipping the both of you together

in reality, you and juyeon were just high school friends and you were glad to see him again

fans on the other hand,,

mark didn't realise you were being shipped with juyeon until doyoung pointed it one day

and mark was all like

( ・◇・)？"nani? y/n and juyeon???"

he would then search up ynjuyeon on twitter because cough yeah

and found a shit ton of edits of the both of y'all

and now he's sad :((

he's sad that because no one shipped y'all together

"isn't your relationship a secret???"

"yeah but still :((("

mark sweetie y'all have neve interacted on stage before fjdjdndnd

he knows you love him and would never cheat on him

but boy is he going to be a pouty baby when y'all hang out next time

literally all he's going to say is:

"why do they ship you and him together?? why not me :(("

"mark they've never seen us in the same room before"

huang renjun

unbothered king™

at least that's what he tells you fhdjdj

he found out through a vlive fhdhdjj

it was one of the usernames and the username was like ynxyanan_shipper

and renjun mf squinted his eyes like

did I read that clearly ಠ_ಠ

he's like yn and wHO

chenle was beside him when it happened and chenle was like what's wrong

and renjun points out the username

and chenle starts lauGHING BECAUSE HE FINDS IT SO FUNNY

renjun smacks him on the head to tell him to shut up DHHSHDD

obviously he would take a screenshot of the username and sends it to you

and he's like

short king <3: do you hv something to confess to me

you: ,,, my love for you??

short king <3: blocked

you: HAHSAHS IM KIDDING

tbh you find the situation honestly really funny

cause you and yanan aren't exactly friends? you're more of acquaintances than friends

and you made eye contact one (1) time with him by accident at an award show and suddenly you're being shipped with him

when you call him the next time to hang out, definitely expect him to be salty about it fjdjfjd

"hey are you free to come over today?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask your BOYFRIEND yanan"

"renjun istg i will break up with you-"

lee jeno

oh baby boy is gonna be so so confused

he's going to be even more confused because you're being shipped with itzy's chaeryeong fhfhfjf

see you and chaeryeong were featured in an episode of a reality tv show once

and the both of y'all immediately hit it off and your friendship was just adorable

so y'all kept interacting every time y'all see each other

and y'all are now nicknamed as the 4th gen gfs because y'all are so adorable???

like the chaeryn ship ur most popular ship ever

so jeno is so confused?? like why is his gf being shipped with her??

he's like a whole ass puppy okay

you, on the other hand, find the chaeryn ship really cute so you don't mind it and you jokingly call chaeryeong your gf once or twice on live before fjdjfn

whenever you tell him that you're hanging out with chaeryeong, he will pout at you and give you his best puppy eyes

like he will cling onto you and try to convince you to now to go

it works like 13% of the time and you would cancel plans with chaer but most of time it doesn't and you would end up being late jhdjsh

but it will slowly become into an inside joke between y'all

like yk that one meme

"this is yn my girlfriend and her girlfriend chaeryeong"

kjdhkjshfs yeah that

but in all seriousness, jeno is really unbothered about you being shipped with chaeryeong because it basically has the same energy as him being shipped with jaemin

whenever y'all are having play fights, you jokingly threaten to leave him for chaeryeong jdsfjds and he immediately stops and says that's unfair

pls shower him in hugs and kisses later

lee haechan

definitely makes a fuss about it

i mean he knows that you aren't going to leave him and all but is he going to be dramatic about it? yes, yes he is

he finds out by himself because he was probably on twitter stalking your hashtag

when he suddenly stumbles upon and edit of you and ateez's san

he's like O.O wot is tHis?

screenshots the edit and sends it to you

hyuckie: yNNNN

hyuckie: THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

hyuckie: BABY

hyuckie: SUGAR BUM

hyuckie: DAISY PIE

you: what in, the ever loving fuck, is daisy pie

hyuckie: *sends screenshot* ARE U CHEATING ON ME

you: hyuck that pic is clearly edited

hyuckie: I KNOW BUT ARE YOU????

you: i-

he makes so much jokes about it that you literally have to shut him up with a kiss

jokes on u reader he's doing this on purpose to get those free kisses

the jokes stop when you actually finally meet san during a game show and shippers are like omg they finally interacted

and the amount of ynxsan edits just,, grow

haechan acts even salty about it and whines about why fan don't ship y'all together when y'all have made eye contact during the golden disk awards bc he was being a lil shit hdsjhfjds

"hey what if i keep staring at you during the melon so we can get into a scandal?"

"hyuck this is supposed to be a secret relationship-"

"yeah but-"

jokes on u he actually does stare at you at the next award show and thankfully did not get into any scandals, but fans started to ship the both of you!

na jaemin

the true unbothered king

literally does not care that you are shipped with someone else

because he knows that he is yours and vice versa

and plus you love him a lot so

he finds out from chenle, who did it out of spite because one day chenle was bored and wanted to cause some chaos

boi basically ran up to jaemin to shove an edit of you and treasurer's junkyu together and went like

"look hyung! ur gf is being shipped with someone eLsE"

"oh that's weird"

"rigHT"

"I thought people shipped her with treasurer's hyunsuk"

chenle is like

HUH???

"aren't you like,, jeaolous??"

jaemin just shrugs and says "hmm, not really"

jaemin knows that you are good friends wth a lot of idols because you're a social butterfly

so he truly doesn't mind when you get shipped with other idols bc in the end , he's the one holding you in his arms

plus he knows the edits and shippers are mostly harmless

and he trusts you

so he just fucks around with chenle jkldsfj

chenle is still confused bc he wants to rile jaemin up for fun but failed hjdshf

zhong chenle

if you thought haechan was dramatic, then you better buckle up for chenle's

so you see

fans already shipped u and chenle

like

y'all already have a dating scandal

and both companies tried so hard to defuse it

see you are an mc for a music show and you were interviewing nct dream

chenle, being the lil shit he is, kept giving you the heart eyes the entire time

and 6 months later, y'all got caught by dispatch on a daTe

ofc both sides were panicking but chenle was enjoying bc he's like "yeah this is my s/o and what abt it"

but y'all still had a dating ban so sm was this close in kicking him hfdsjfh

fortunately, they were able to cover it up as someone else so there's that

so chenle is aware that fans shipped the both of you together

so when he sees you being shipped with stray kid's jeongin

he was like "HOW DARE THEY-"

calls you to complain about the ship for 3 hours

and that is how you found out as well-

literally you don't even know jeongin so you just let chenle complain about it

he goes on and on about why fans should continue to ship y'all together so when he reveals the relationship the fans will be surprised but also not really at the same time-

"should i get into another scandal with you?"

"chenle no-"

park jisung

oh baby boy is going to be very, very confused

i mean he knows that shipping is a thing between fans

he's just confused why ppl would ship you and p1harmony's keeho

like you have never interacted with him so why would fans ship the both of y'all??

the dreamies mostly tell him to not take it serious but the chenle and haechan would egg him on

"get into a dating scandal with them"

"guys no-"

he wouldn't tell you that it bothers him because he doesn't want you laughing at him, worrying over a small issue

so honestly, it lowkey eats him up on the inside

until one day, you basically force it out of him because he's been acting weird for the past week

he finally confesses about the what's bothering him

and you tell him that you wouldn't have laughed at him

you know shipping idols is a common thing in the industry and sometimes it's uncomfortable knowing it when you're already in a relationship

but you also tell him that it's basically harmless because fans can't really force the both of y'all together

jisung would be insecure about the relationship because it's kinda of his first? so he just doesn't want to mess it up

just reassure him a lot and tell him that you won't leave him

and as time goes by, he just gets used to the shipping

[rainydaydream-gal18]

(The Bad Batch) Preferences-Carving Pumpkins

(Author’s Note:  Ahhh, I had so much fun writing these!!!  I’m super excited for autumn, and I just needed an outlet involving our awesome squad

Warnings:  Squash being butchered, pumpkin guts....Oh, and some smooching).

Wrecker: 

   “Hey, sweetie?” Wrecker asked, and you glanced up from your selection of pumpkins.  He stood very still as his eyes flickered back and forth between two very large pumpkins that you were sure you wouldn’t be able to lift.  He stroked his chin in contemplation.

   “What’s up?” You folded your arms as you stood next to him.

   “Which one looks bigger to you?”

   You knelt down, dedicating several seconds to observing each pumpkin and taking mental measurements.  They were nearly identical in size.  “That’s a tough one.  They both look the same size to me, but if I had to choose which one I thought was bigger-” you pointed “-I’d say that one.”

   Wrecker stared at the pumpkin for a few moments before nodding.  “Yeah,” he agreed slowly.  “I’d say you’re right.”  He immediately knelt down and set to work on cutting through the stem with his viroblade.  Meanwhile, you had also reached a decision on a pumpkin, and asked your love if he wouldn’t mind picking it for you.  Wrecker was happy to oblige, cutting the stem with his viroblade and gently handing the freed pumpkin over to you.

   The others had already picked theirs and were heading over to the benches to clean and carve them.  You and Wrecker carried your pumpkins over to the nearest empty bench, claiming your tools.  Wrecker’s huge pumpkin took up half of the table.

   “So what are you going to do with your pumpkin?” you asked as you cut through the top of your pumpkin and proceeded to clean out the insides.

   “It’s a surprise!” he replied enthusiastically.

   You lifted a brow, but smiled.  “In that case, mine’s a surprise too.”

   “How about we do a big reveal when we’re done?”

   You nodded.  “I like that idea.”

   As you began to carve your design, it was hard not to notice the occasional chuckles and snickers as Wrecker set to work on his pumpkin.  Every now and then, he’d take a few steps back to look at it, huff out another fit of laughter, and then return to the project.  You were growing increasingly interested in what his would look like, but still kept your eyes on your own pumpkin.  Finally, both of you finished your projects and got ready for the big reveal.

   “Alright, on the count of three?” you prompted.

   He grinned.  “One...”

   “Two…”

   Both of you shouted, “three!” and spun your pumpkins around to face each other.  At the sight of Wrecker’s pumpkin, you burst into laughter.  It was a very silly face with big eyes and a wobbly smile, but it was carved so well, so precisely, it looked like a meme from the holonet.

   “Okay, that’s funny.”  You laughed. 

   “Yours looks good, ________!” he said, giving you a playful nudge.

   “Thanks.”  You turned to smile at him, and he pulled you into his strong arms.  His breathing picked up as he leaned into your space for a tender kiss.

   “I wanted to kiss ya’ so bad a few minutes ago,” he told you, “but I didn’t want you to think I was trying to sneak a peek at your pumpkin before it was ready.”

   You returned the kiss, lingering over his lips for a moment as you murmured, “well, you don’t have to worry about that now.”

Crosshair: 

   “Will this work?” he asked for the third time, though there wasn’t an ounce of impatience in his tone.

   “No, it needs to be more slender,” you decided with a shake of your head.  “And maybe just a tad taller?”  Crosshair backed away from the pumpkin he’d offered, eyes scanning the patch in search of one that better fit your description.  He knelt down, pushing away some leaves to reveal a pumpkin that was taller and thinner than the other one.

   “How’s this?”

   You knelt down beside him, narrowing your eyes as you tried to picture how your design would look.  It looked great in your mind.  Now, it was time to make it reality.  “Yeah, I think that’s the one.”

   Crosshair unsheathed his viroblade and swiftly cut the vine, detaching the pumpkin and handing it to you.  “There you go.”  You accepted it sweetly, unable to resist kissing him in appreciation for the gesture.  He hadn’t even questioned you on the design or complained once, only set to work on helping you find exactly what it was you wanted.  You waited for him to choose a pumpkin, which was a shorter process, before the two of you walked over to the nearest bench.

   You set to work on emptying the pumpkin of its guts, glancing over every so often to watch Crosshair at work.  Once in a while, he’d catch your gaze and notice the mischievous smile that you tried so hard to hide.

   He paused, straightening up from his task and fishing out a toothpick.  “What?”

   “Nothing,” you replied.  “Oh, uh… Can I borrow one of those?”

   He lifted a brow, but said nothing as he pulled out another toothpick and passed it to you across the table.

   “Thanks, Cross.”  You lowered your gaze, but it did nothing to hide the glint in your eye as you continued working on your pumpkin carving.  Crosshair returned to his project, though he still kept an eye on you.  At one point, he smirked at how absolutely giddy you looked.

   Finally, your pumpkin was complete.  You placed the last finishing touch, the toothpick, where it needed to be and stood back to admire it.  Crosshair’s was done moments later.

   “So, let’s see what we have here,” he said, motioning for you to show him.  You grinned and turned the pumpkin around, revealing your handiwork.  You had chosen the pumpkin’s shape with purpose.  It was the perfect canvas to carve Crosshair’s face into it, complete with the crosshairs tattoo over its right eye and a toothpick sticking out of its mouth.

   Crosshair exhaled sharply in amusement, his expression so cocky and strangely attractive as he shifted his stance.  “That’s a handsome pumpkin,” he commented.

  “Glad you think so,” you said.  “What does yours look like?”

   He chuckled, placing a hand on the top of his pumpkin to spin it around.  It had your face, and it was well-carved too.

   That’s a pretty pumpkin,” you told him with a growing smile. He met your gaze with amusement dancing in his.

   “Glad you think so.”

Hunter: 

   Hunter cut your chosen pumpkin from the vine, handing it to you with care.  “There you go, sweetheart.”

   “Thank you,” you said. 

   While you had taken your time in picking out the pumpkin you wanted, he wasn’t choosy and ended up taking the one closest to yours for himself.  Both of you went to one of the benches and set to work.  Apparently, Hunter was more interested in the carving part.  You paused to watch him take one of the tools and expertly cut the pumpkin open to remove the insides.  You found yourself resting an elbow on the table as you observed the sergeant, your pumpkin nearly forgotten altogether in the moment.

   Hunter caught your eye, smiling when he realized you’d been watching him.  He twirled the carving tool between his fingers and gave a playful wink.  Your face heated up as you pulled your pumpkin closer to your end of the table to begin working on it.

   “Need some help?” he asked, mistaking your momentary distraction from your project as uncertainty.

   “No, I’m good.  I just needed a minute to think about my design,” you said, which was also true.  “I’m not so helpless, Sergeant.”

   The use of his title in such a playful tone made him chuckle.  “Didn’t think you were, sweetheart.  I just can’t help it.”

   You rounded the bench to plant a kiss to his lips, and he welcomed your touch with arms going for your waist instantly.  “I know,” you murmured, letting him know that you took no offense.  “You’re just so used to helping everyone else.  I like that about you.”

   He exhaled, and there was no missing the slight tremble of his body.  You pulled away and headed back to your side of the bench to continue carving your design.  Every now and then, you couldn’t resist glancing over to watch Hunter skillfully carve the numbers “99” in a large aurebesh font into his pumpkin with the signature skull symbol at the top right.

   “Your design,” he spoke up, peeking over.  “Looks good, ________.”

   “Why, thank you.  I like your Bad Batch pumpkin,” you replied.

Tech: 

   “Are you certain this is the one you want?” Tech asked.  You nodded at the chosen pumpkin, and he cut the vine to hand it over to you.  “There you are, love.”

   “Thank you, Tech,” you said.

   “It is no trouble at all.  Now, the trick will be finding the right one for myself.”

   You knew how particular Tech could be about things, but you didn’t realize how seriously he would take the endeavor of selecting the “right” pumpkin.  Even so, you waited patiently, your own pumpkin in hand, for several minutes as Tech browsed rows of the patch.  You loved him for who he was, but it was hard to wait quietly anymore.  At one point, you had to set down your pumpkin because it began to weigh heavily in your arms.

   “What exactly are you looking for?” you asked.  Perhaps you could help the process along.

   “I’m looking for the pumpkin with the most aesthetic appeal- good color and symmetry are important.”

   “Oh, okay.”  You knelt down, pointing.  “What about this one?  It looks like the kind of pumpkin you’d see in a fall article on the holonet.”

   He followed your gaze, adjusting his goggles.  “I saw that one already.  It is indeed a good pumpkin, but still not quite what I’m looking for.”  You shrugged and kept looking, but none that  you saw were even as nice as the first one you’d pointed out.  Finally, you heard an exclamation from farther down the row.

   “Ah, I found it.”  Tech had been kneeling down to inspect it before making the commitment of picking it.  He approached, leaning in to give you an apologetic peck on the cheek.  “Sorry it took so long.  Thank you for waiting.”

   “It’s okay,” you chuckled.  “I’m glad you’re happy with your pumpkin.”

   Both of you went over to the benches to begin prepping the pumpkins for carving.  The rest of the squad were nearly done with theirs already, but everyone was talking and joking around, so there was no rush.  Tech chatted about varieties of squash for a few minutes as you worked.  He paused every now and then to admire your design out loud and relocate some of the tools closer to your side of the bench since he had a tendency to hog them.

   “Do you have everything you need?” he asked again.

   You nodded.  “Yes, I do.”

   “Good, good.”

   You walked over to his side of the table.  “Do you mind if I look?”

   “Not at all.  Mind you, it’s not quite finished yet.”

   You were amazed to see a little fall scene carved into the pumpkin, complete with a barn, a scarecrow, and a bare tree.  “Wow, Tech!  This is great.”

   “It’s still not done,” he reminded, as if that should make you less impressed.

   “It really looks great though,” you insisted, cupping his cheek and angling his mouth toward yours for an affectionate kiss.  That seemed to get his attention, drawing it away from fussing over what he saw as an incomplete project.  His eyes gazed at you softly through the large lenses, and his lips turned up in a smile.

   “I’m having... fun,” he said, arm tightening around your waist.

   “Me too.”

Echo:

   Echo cut your pumpkin from the patch swiftly, passing it to you, before taking a short walk down the rest of the row.  It wasn’t long before he found one that was decent-looking and knelt to cut the vine.

   “How fun is this?” you asked happily, carrying your pumpkin as you walked beside him on the way to the benches.

   “Yeah,” he agreed with a smile.  “Me and the boys did this once on leave.”  he chuckled.  “Jesse got in trouble for throwing pumpkin innards at Fives.”

   You laughed at the mental image.  “That sounds like a good time.”

   Echo shook his head, though a chuckle escaped his lips.  “If Wrecker starts throwing pumpkin guts...”

   “Knowing Wrecker, that very well may be a possibility.”  The two of you got settled at the nearest empty bench.  You glanced over to see Wrecker was indeed tossing some pumpkin insides in Crosshair’s direction, earning a grumbled “grow up, Wrecker” from his teammate.  You stifled a laugh and set to work on emptying your own pumpkin.  You and Echo worked side-by-side, absolutely content with the proximity despite bumping elbows often.

   Your heart sped up while the rest of you felt simultaneously relaxed at his side.  There was a happy calm that settled between you because you were simply together.  Yet, every time he glanced your way with that sure gaze, it nearly made you shudder.

   “Looking good,” he commented, pausing to get a better look at your nearly-complete pumpkin carving.

   With lips curling into a smile, you asked, “Me, or the pumpkin?”

   Echo chuckled.  “Both.”

   You leaned in to press a light kiss to your boyfriend’s jaw.  “You’re not so bad yourself.”

   He seemed momentarily dazed from the unexpected gesture, but he soon looked at you with a mischievous glint.  “Now, was that aimed at me, or the pumpkin?”

   You laughed.

   “I’m being serious,” he deadpanned.  “Because if I misunderstood, then this next part will be very embarrassing for me.”  He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you in for a longer kiss, his lips caressing yours in a way that nearly made your knees buckle.

   “So embarrassing,” you murmured teasingly.  You separated to continue your projects, shoulders still touching.  His pumpkin carving was a typical face with triangle eyes and a gaping smile, but it was done very well.  “I like your pumpkin,” you said.

   “Thank you, m’lady.  I like your design too.”

   “Thank you.”

Omega at the Pumpkin Patch: She takes the process seriously, spending quite a bit of time choosing the right pumpkin for what she had planned.  The others were curious because she chose a pumpkin that was much wider than it was tall, and she kept it angled away from the group as she worked.  Anytime someone would venture over to check her progress, she’d quickly stand up in front of it to block the view.

After she finally beamed and announced she was done, everyone gathered around to see she had carved an image of the entire squad into the pumpkin.

[xaharadesert]

Bard MC - Headcanon

Arcana Characters (Main 6) x MC

A/N: Okie dokie, this one is for a very lovely and very patient anon! Their request for an MC who can control magic through music is super cool! Honestly, I didn’t know exactly what a bard was when I first received this request, so I’ll be adding in a couple references about that as a joke :) I also tried to leave it ambiguous between whether the MC sings or plays an instrument, but I may have failed. My apologies, these may be a bit shorter than what you’re all used too, but I was struggling with this a little bit (also I am half asleep as I am finishing this, so I’m sorry if some of it doesn’t make sense). Also, I’m very sorry about using an outdated meme, but the oppurtunity was right there and I had to use it. As always, I recognize Asra’s non-binary gender orientation but will be using he/him pronouns! Please let me know if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes :) Requests are open!

❤️Julian❤️

Oh, yeah, he knows what a bard is

Like a singer... right?

Nope

When you tell him that you control magic through music, he has a small crisis and reevaluates every bard he’s ever met

He suddenly has quite a few questions about the inherent magic of music

Curious as always, he wants to learn more about how music acts as a medium for magic, which means a lot of questions

Most of his questions are based in psychology, because a small part of him that constantly doubts magic believes that you’re just a scientific genius

Overall, he supports you, of course

He loves music and the fact that you can cast spells using it is just an added bonus

Julian is already thinking about all the musical adventures you’ll have together

If you offer to teach him, he’ll respectfully decline

He’ll stick to the ordinary kind of music, thank you

On that note, unless it messes with your magic he will absolutely sing along whenever you’re preparing a spell

If this is a problem he’ll sing quietly to himself to avoid being a distraction

He’s sorry if it’s annoying to you, but he really loves singing

When he’s constantly surrounded by music he finds it hard to keep quiet

But if you’re okay with him joining in? He’ll belt some made-up lyrics at the top of his lungs

He may accidentally sing over you and your music, so even if it was originally fine, it will unintentionally cause problems

🧡Portia🧡

Oh, a bard!

That’s uh... a music thing, right?

I mean, she was mostly right

When you tell her that you can control magic through music she’s ecstatic

Magic in and of itself is super cool, but music too?! That’s amazing!

Portia wasn’t the biggest fan of music before, but you can bet your butt she is now!

She loves listening to you preform magic, and even if your not doing a spell, she loves listening to you

She wants to know what kind of songs control what kind of spells

In fact, she wants to know everything about your magic

You might as well be her official teacher because she never stops asking questions

In fact, asking if you can teach her eventually does come up

She’s a very eager student, although she often goes off track and starts inventing her own music

It’s not as effective, but she’s definitely having fun

Even if she never actually learns the magic part, she learned a cool new musical skill

She’ll create silly little songs to make you laugh

Sometimes when you use a particularly sad song for a spell, she’ll start to tear up

This can be a bit of a distraction, but she swears she’s not actually upset

You’re just amazing at what you do

Once Julian needed your help and her response was “this is so sad, MC play Despacito”

💛Lucio💛

Of course he knows what a bard is!

At least that’s what he claims

In reality he has no idea, he always referred to them as “music people”

So when you tell him about controlling magic through music he’s suddenly feeling a little afraid of every musician he made fun of in the past

He’ll never admit that out loud, though

Lucio thinks what you do is amazing

You can do magic AND you’re musically talented! That’s double the talent!

For a moment he considered mocking Asra for being less talented than you before remembering that you and Asra are friends

That doesn’t stop him from showing off your talents to everyone else, though!

Whether you really want to or not, you’ll probably have to show literally every Vesuvian your abilities at least once

Lucio himself isn’t particularly interested in learning your form of magic

He’d rather watch and listen as you preform spells

He doesn’t really want you to teach anyone else though, but he can’t really stop you if you choose to anyway

Sometimes he’ll ask you to preform a spell just so he can listen to you

He especially loves to hear slower songs for spells that ward off nightmares

When he listens to you, he genuinely feels calm and peaceful

He just exists in a perfect moment, with nobody but you and him

On a side note, though, sometimes when you’re showing off for other people he’ll try to sing along and it’ll always end up sounding horrible

💚Muriel💚

Doesn’t even pretend to know what a bard is

He never really had a reason to know, so he doesn’t

When you first tell him, he feels a bit awkward because he feels as if you expected him to know

But of course, your brand of magic was pretty unique so explaining your abilities was old hat by now

He’s not exactly sure how he feels about your methods

Of course he loves and supports you, but your magic... it’s just... a lot

It seems to require a lot of noise, and it draws way too much attention in his opinion

He would never try to change you, but he shrinks into himself whenever you gain a crowd from performing a spell in public

He starts to feel differently about it the first time he hears a slower song

When your music is soft and soothing he inadvertently feels himself relax

Knowing that you’re beside him, doing what you love, brings him a lot of inexplicable joy

Muriel doesn’t really have any interest in learning your kind of magic for himself, if he’s being honest

Although, he never minds when you want to talk about the complexities

He doesn’t mind very much if you need to practice late at night at home, because he doesn’t need to worry about other people intruding

Personally, he has no real uses for your magic so he never asks for your help

That isn’t to say he won’t accept it; if you want to use a song to help with menial tasks once in a while he won’t complain

The one exception is if you start using it for some creepy spell in the middle of the night

Then he may have a few complaints

💙Asra💙

The only one who actually knows what a bard is without your explanation

He was there throughout most of your magical growth, so he already knows a lot about it

In all honesty, if it weren’t for you, he probably would have been just as oblivious as everyone else

He loves how unique your method of performing magic is

Asra has never met anyone quite like you, and he doubts he ever will

Watching you perform your magic is one of his favourite hobbies (if you can really count that as a hobby)

Observing how your magic interacts with your music is incredible to him

He’s a little jealous, but he’d never say that out loud

You offered to teach him years ago and he eagerly accepted, but he never quite got the hang of it

In the end, he learned most of the theory behind it, but he mostly stuck to his own brand of magic

Even if he does admire your magic more than he admires his own, he does love the contrast between the two of you

(Spoilers) when he brought you back and was re-teaching you most things, your magic was one of the hardest

He felt horrible that he couldn’t properly demonstrate for you, but after teaching you the theories again, you seemed to pick it up on your own

On a side note though, helping you relearn your magic did allow him to grasp a couple of basic spells with your method, which makes him super excited

All in all he’s just thrilled that you have such a strong and unique brand of magic

He’s proud of how much you’ve grown into it, despite not having a proper mentor

Asra is a fan of quite a few unique types of music, but listening to whatever kind of music your using has definitely helped him settle on a few favourite songs

He doesn’t have a favourite kind of musical spell, so he’s excited no matter what kind of magic your performing

One time he even convinced you to cast a spell to heat up some tea faster just because he wanted to hear your music

💜Nadia💜

A bard?

As in, one who recites poetry, correct?

She uses the definition of a bard when describing what she thinks you do

Nadia is pleasantly surprised to find that your definition of bard is much more powerful, although she now has a few questions about how you go about defining words

She doesn’t have very much magical experience, so she was unaware of how unique your brand of magic was

But when she finds out exactly what it is you do?

She’s so excited

Nadia definitely loves music, although she leans toward slightly more refined tastes

She starts to question her favourite songs when she first hears you perform a spell

You manage to convey so much emotion, regardless of how long a spell or song is

She feels her heart pound in her chest whenever you use a lot of emotion in a spell

If you offer to teach her, she’ll have to politely decline

She knows how to play piano, sure, and her singing voice isn’t the worst, but she isn’t particularly interested in studying magic

She’ll just leave that part up to you

Of course, she’s always content to watch you perform, although sometimes it is a bit disruptive

If she needs a quick spell while in a meeting, a whole song can be a bit of a problem

She learns to work around this though, because she would never want you to ever change who you are

Although, she will admit she found it humorous when you chose a particularly aggressive song for a spell when trying to prove a point to Valerius

[kiara-carrera]

34. Having them as a background/lockscreen with Leah & JJ?

NO BECAUSE I WAS PRAYING SOMEONE WOULD ASK FOR THIS ONE SO THANK YOU FOR FULFILLING MY DREAMS

having them as your lock screen/background: leah + jj

By the time Leah’s eyes fluttered open, the sun was already beginning to set. The blinds on the windows weren’t shuttered fully, letting the last bit of evening light stream into the room, painting orange-y gold stripes across everything in its wake. Her body felt heavy, thick with just broken sleep, her eyelids like little lead weights struggling to function.

A few blinks and a half-stifled yawn were all it took for her to blearily peer around the room. She’d spent the day at the Chateau with JJ and now that she was able to pick out her surroundings as the pull out couch in the living room, she figured that she must have fallen asleep at some point. 

They’d had plans to go surfing, their days off from work matching up for the first time in two weeks, but they’d gotten rained out before they could even leave. A bolt of lightning and a crack of thunder to follow had been the final nail in the coffin.

It hadn’t been all bad — John B was out working for most of the day, having picked up some oddball jobs around the island taking care of some Kook’s property. That had left the Chateau to just Leah and JJ and whatever they chose to get up to.

In no particular order, it had been complaining about the rain, raiding the fridge for snacks, a very intense wrestling match for the last cookie in the cabinet that had ended up with JJ making a crude joke about being pinned down, smoking the last of the weed JJ had gotten off his cousin Ricky, and a whole lot of making out. Leah couldn’t exactly what the last thing had been that led them to be passed out on the couch, but she was pretty sure it involved cuddling if the heavy arm draped across her waist had anything to say about it.

JJ’s face was nuzzled into the crook of her neck, half-buried in her hair as his short little breaths tickled the skin of her shoulder. She couldn’t see his face and didn’t want to risk turning back and waking him up just to look at him, but she could already picture the content little expression he’d be wearing. The thought made her smile a little.

He was always peaceful when he slept — well, at least, he was peaceful when he slept with her. There were numerous times over the years where she caught him fidgeting and turning over every five minutes when he slept alone, but he’d never been like that with her, sleeping soundly like a rock. Whether he was holding her or, the more likely option, she was holding him, he’d always sleep well, face free of the little wrinkle he sometimes got between his brows.

Sighing happily, she let her hand drift down to where JJ’s was slumped against her, slipping her fingers between his as she readjusted her position on the pillow. Leah was all for falling back to sleep, dealing with dinner and going home later if it meant getting more time relaxing with her boyfriend.

Just as her eyes started to slip close, a bright flash of light in front of her startled her back awake. Squinting a bit, she could see where they’d tossed their phones earlier on the couch beside them, JJ’s lighting up with a few notifications.

Yawning, Leah gently slipped her hand off of JJ’s, her hand patting across the bed for his phone almost blindly through her bleary, sleep-ridden vision. John B’s name was the first thing she noticed, a few new messages about how he was getting off early and was planning on bringing some pizza back home for the two of them, which was nothing out of the ordinary.

What did catch her eye though, just as she was about to shoot him a message to get enough for three and that she’d spot him some cash if he got some garlic knots as well, was the semi blurred image of JJ’s lock screen behind the notifications.

Leah wasn’t sure when JJ had changed the standard preset factory wallpaper, but she knew for a fact that whatever she was managing to make out behind John B’s texts was not it. The majority of the image was blocked, only the bottom half of a person in a bikini left somewhat visible.

What in the world ...  she thought to herself, eyes narrowing in confusion.

She swiped her thumb across the screen, getting rid of the notifications with the intent to get to them later. When the last one was deleted, the full picture JJ had set as his lock screen was no longer obstructed or blurred. Leah wasn’t exactly sure what she had been picturing she’d find, but it most definitely wasn’t what she was met with.

A picture of herself that she’d never seen before was smiling back at her. Leah could recognize the marsh in the background and the back end of the Pogue where she was seated, dressed in her favorite yellow daisy printed bikini that had cost a little too much, a wide smile on her face as a can of Natural Light was held precariously in her hand. She wasn’t looking directly at the camera, the photo somewhat candid as she appeared to be laughing at something behind the person taking the picture.

The screen went black but she was quick to click it back on, once again staring at herself. Her cheeks felt warm as the reality of the situation set in, a pleasant flush that complimented the sudden fast pace of her heartbeat.

He’d made her his lock screen and she felt a smile threaten to break across her face at the pure surprise of it all.

There were things that JJ was and things that he wasn’t. A mild kleptomaniac, a fierce friend, a scrappy fighter, her best friend, and a damn good boyfriend if her biased opinion meant anything — those were things he was. But the kind of boyfriend that made his significant other his phone’s background? Yeah, that seemed like it bordered more along the lines of cheesy romcom shit that he’d make fun of.

Hell, they barely even took pictures together. There were the occasional Snapchats they’d take lying in bed goofing around late at night and there were some pictures in her bedside table from when they were younger, crinkled at the corners. And she had some pictures that Kie had managed to snap at the last second before either noticed, a few candids of them being “disgustingly adorable” as their friend had put it.

Any other photos she had of JJ were just of him. Some were of him doing stupid shit that she compiled over the years, sometimes with John B or Pope making cameos. Some were the Snaps he’d send her that she deemed either dumb enough or hot enough to be screenshotted (which was always followed up by a teasing text message from him that would get a prompt middle finger emoji in reply).

She wouldn’t be surprised if he had pictures of her on his phone, more than likely of her dumb Snapchats she didn’t want screenshots taken of (she knew for a fact he had the picture of her ugly crying to a Disney movie she watched a month ago because he’d started using it as a meme when texting her). But she wasn’t really sure how many pictures he’d realistically keep of her.

JJ wasn’t romantic in any traditional sense. Making someone their wallpaper just seemed very out of place in their relationship. So yeah, she was definitely thrown for a loop seeing herself on his phone, partially obscured by the clock displaying the late hour.

Her heart fluttered in her chest, though. Leah wasn’t anywhere near complaining. She was mildly confused, but it was a happy little surprise for her as warmth flooded her chest, another bout of pure adoration for the boy behind her at the sweet little gesture he’d done in secret.

Biting down on her lip to contain the wide grin on her face, she tapped in JJ’s ridiculous passcode (yes, it was 42069 for anyone wondering), replying to John B about extra pizza and garlic bread. A thumbs up was sent in response, leading Leah to lock the phone and toss it back beside her own where she’d found it.

Shuffling in JJ’s arms, Leah managed to gently nudge his head from her neck so she could turn herself around until she was facing him. He was still asleep, gentle little breaths escaping him. It was hard not to look at him and have her heart swell. Absentmindedly, her hand drifted up, fingers running through his hair as she silently admired him. She’d just found such a simple little thing that he’d done, but nothing was stopping her insides from melting and becoming all gooey over the boy in front of her.

That was just something so uniquely JJ, the ability to have her just become a puddle from the tiniest sweet gesture. Most of them were always unexpected — she’d been his best friend longer than she’d been his girlfriend and not once had she ever really imagined him being as soft as he was when it was just them alone, but she appreciated every second of it.

She’d looked happy and carefree in that picture on his phone and there was just a rush of emotions knowing he thought the picture was good enough to want to see it every time he went for his phone. It might have been dumb, but it made her feel pretty in a way she normally didn’t and adored in a way she’d only ever seen in fairytales or movies.

“Keep staring like that and it’s gonna cost you,” JJ mumbled suddenly, his tired voice startling her just a bit. One of his eyes was opened just a smidge, a sleepy smug grin spreading across his lips as he caught her eyeing him. “I’ll give you a discount for being hot, though.”

A laugh escaped her, eyes rolling as JJ began tugging her closer into him, head falling to her neck again as he pressed a kiss to the skin of her jaw.

“John B’s on his way home,” she whispered to him, gentle as she brushed back some of his hair from his forehead. “He’s bringing pizza.”

He paused in his ministrations, turning his head to peer up at her. “Did you tell him to get garlic knots?”

“The knots have been secured.”

An appreciative groan left him, another kiss pressed to her throat. “You’re the fucking best.”

She giggled again, happily squirming against him as he returned to kissing every spare inch of skin he could find on her neck and jawline. He was already a bit of an attention whore when they were alone, but sleepy JJ was a whole other level of cuddly and affectionate, a side of him that was reserved only for Leah.

They fell into silence, JJ still leaving little open mouth kisses on her skin, his hand drifting down to rub the exposed strip of skin between her shirt and shorts. The movement was comforting, her heart fluttering even more as she fiddled with his hair.

“J?”

“I know,” he mumbled against her neck, not stopping his movements. “No hickeys where your dad can see.”

“What? No — wait, actually yes, but that’s not what I was gonna ask ... when did you take that picture of me?”

He paused once again, although this time it seemed more like he froze against her. Leah pursed her lips together, trying her best not to laugh as he awkwardly asked, “What picture?”

Pulling herself back a bit, Leah gave him a knowing look. “The one of me on your lock screen.”

JJ groaned, eyes squeezing shut. The thing about JJ was it took a whole lot to embarrass him. He took most things in stride, letting everything roll off his back. More often than not, he was the one saying things to embarrass other people — usually Leah. Whether they were jokes or dumb innuendos, JJ was the one dishing it out and if something actually did manage to embarrass him, there was a fifty-fifty shot you wouldn’t even know.

But right now, Leah could see a rush of discomfort wash over him as he was caught red-handed being a softie. She thought it was cute.

“Kie took it a few weeks ago,” JJ replied after a moment of thought, slightly sheepish as he began fiddling with a lock of her hair. “Asked her to send it to me.”

“Really?”

He shrugged. “Saw her take it. I don’t know, you looked nice. Liked looking at it.”

His words were brief, but the simple thought behind it made her heart speed up again. JJ wasn’t good with words and emotions, something she knew from their years as just friends, something even he’d told her himself. He wasn’t good with words, but he was great with actions. There were hundreds of little things she could think of that were just purely JJ’s way of showing that he cared. This was one of them and while his reasoning wasn’t the most articulate, Leah’s heart felt like it was going to fucking burst.

“If it’s weird, I can change it.”

JJ’s words caught her off guard, her head shaking rapidly. “What? No, no. I don’t care. It’s sweet,” she told him. And then, almost as an afterthought, she softly added, “Makes me feel pretty.”

Even in his sleep-induced haze, eyes still not quite focused in the dim late evening sun streaming through the blinds, JJ still squinted at her in confusion. “You are pretty.”

Yup, there goes her fucking heart.

She smiled softly at him, leaning over to press a kiss to his cheek. Leah could feel him smile against her, his hand still twisting her hair around his finger. 

They laid like that for another moment, before a smug little grin crossed Leah’s lips. “So I guess this means you’ve officially earned your simp card.”

JJ groaned at the ruined moment, rolling away from her to flop onto his back. Eyes narrowed, he firmly told her, “I am not a simp.”

“You totally fucking are,” Leah chided. Laughing, she shifted around the couch until she was sitting up. Swinging a leg over him, she promptly deposited herself in his lap, sitting on top of him while he continued to pout at her like a child. Teasingly, she added, “Looks to me like someone has a big fat crush on me.”

“I’m tossing your ass on the floor.”

“I’m sure you will,” she told him dryly, grinning as she swept her hair over one shoulder before leaning down to kiss him.

[bon-nii]

I think anon is just as angry as we are about season 2's low quality. But since they haven't read the manga they don't know exactly WHY they are angry so they irrationally lash out on us

Yeah, I agree. I think that everyone is experiencing a lot of annoyance and frustration over this situation right now.

My complete thoughts below the cut...

Manga readers are rightfully annoyed at anime-onlys who are calling them toxic for complaining/criticizing and memeing the hell outta season two...there are a good amount of anime-onlys who are invalidating manga reader’s opinions and feelings over this, and I don’t think they realize just how well-founded these opinions are. Just because Shirai is “overseeing the changes” and just because we had two years warning that things would be different doesn’t mean we have to be happy about it, y’know? And that’s the perspective a lot of manga readers are coming from.

Conversely, anime-onlys are very rightfully annoyed at manga readers who constantly tell them to “read the manga” (I’ve been at fault for this too) and who are filling the tag with really negative content. Like, they just wanna enjoy the show! They don’t know who this Yuugo guy is, or what Goldy Pond is, they only know what has been shown in season two, and they want to interact with and make content about what they know. 

It’s just one hell of a dumpster fire of a situation, one that I (from the standpoint of someone who studies history lol) find quite fascinating. There’s not really much of a middle ground to be found here, simply because of how different both side’s experiences with the story are. I think both sides could tone it down a bit for sure, and there is marginal consensus between some manga readers and some anime-onlys happening right now, but largely this seems like a “agree to disagree, but respect the other side’s viewpoint” situation.

It’s like two different fandoms at this point, y’know? There are two completely different groups trying to occupy the same space (I’m not suggesting we separate the two or anything), so frustration and disagreement is bound to happen. Ultimately though, all of these reactions are based on a passionate love for this series, it’s just that this love is founded on two completely different contexts and therefore presents itself differently. Nobody is wrong, there are multiple right “answers” to this situation (actual toxicity excluded, of course!) At the end of the day, what can we do about it? Nothing, really. The series is already animated. 

You don’t have to read this part if you don’t want, it’s just more of a self-reflection than anything: 

As for me personally, I’ve sat back and looked at how my own irl feelings interact with the content I post about season 2 on this blog. I think I come off as being completely serious in my strong reactions when in reality I’m just purposefully exaggerating them to be funny (to myself, hopefully to others too). I’m completely serious in my criticisms and actual analysis of the series and of season two. However, when I post something like “End it all right now, gonna go fight Cloverworks for the war crimes they’ve committed” (not an actual post, but posts with that same vibe) I’m not being serious, I’m just being dramatic for the sake of shitposting. It’s a level of irony that friends and family are used too, but a bunch of strangers on the internet aren’t used too, so I can understand why anon and others would get annoyed at me I mean... it is what it is? 

When it all comes down too it, my life isn’t ruined, it’s not in shambles, the world keeps on turning... After surviving (I say, like I survived a war LMFAO) both the great BBC Sherlock season 4 meltdown and the great Voltron season 8 meltdown (absolutely FASCINATING topics of possible study, not even joking) I realized if you put too much stock into something fictional, you are gonna get hurt when it doesn’t meet your expectations. It’s not worth the stress lol

Anyway, that’s mostly it for now I think? @ anyone, feel free to shoot me any questions or comments or call me a manga elitist in my inbox if you feel like it!

[sotorubio]

Oh thank god for your post about activism. Framing the weed thing as peak anti authority action is what’s cringy, but getting caught with weed and wanting it back is just being a normal dumb teenager. And the fandom’s takes on stealing 😒 we get it, ur a narc. Again it’s the robin of the hood part that’s cringe and performative, not stealing, which isn’t inherently bad to do (labelling acts of stealing as justified vs unjustified IMO can be a slippery slope), and tbh I think some people are getting a little too close to saying the period cause itself is cringe and peak white feminism when again, that’s not the problem bc period taxes ARE bad and its not white feminism to fight against them. the issue is how the show and Lou are approaching it. Where’s Marxist Eliot meme when you need him lol

HELL YEAH MARXIST ELIOTT MEME PART 105

also omfg thank u so much for actually understanding exactly what i mean like i didn't even wanna tag that post bc i knooooooooww a lot of these ppl will refuse to spend two seconds trying to read the post & just get mad.

bc this exactly. so much this. bc like i said i barely see the actual criticism that should be there n instead the hot takes boil down to "stealing BAD!" or "liking drugs? evil and unethical". like... ppl were already yelling abt how the weed stealing is yet another instance of performative activism/white feminism (i'm still not sure what abt weed makes it inherently feminist but alright) before the chat w mailin's annoying comments dropped. so it's like.. yeah is it shitty that the thing was framed as some sort of anti-authoritarian rebellion act when in reality it was just abt weed? yes. but half of y'all were already mad abt the weed stuff alone w/o knowing mailin's noble quest which is the part that makes me uncomfortable. like u do realize the bad thing isn't "fucking w the system" the bad thing is the fact that mailin thinks "the system" is like. high school teachers. that's what's embarrassing, not stealing drugs.

n if we wanted to make a point abt white feminism aside from mailin's comment we'd point out this stunt completely erased allllll the examples from s5/6 that showed who can get away w less consequences and who r at risk of getting a harsher treatment. but that's a point i've only seen a few smart ppl make, the rest is just "teens stealing weed n partying at school means they are trying to be activists but failing" bc idek why

same w the tampon stealing like yes it did turn into a white feminist stunt but only bc lou was filming it n turning herself into some sort of hero on social media n then the whole robin of the hood shit. i don't wanna fully get into it here bc i already talked in length abt what was the issue w it n what should not be an issue at all. the dozens of comments that only regarded robin of the hood/filming as smth Additional to an already immoral thing was... concerning to say the least. exactly bc of ur point: labeling acts of stealing as justified vs unjustified is a slippery slope. for example all the "the stealing would've been okay BUT bc their friend works there it was horrible!!!" dude it doesn't matter if it's a multimillion store chain run by robots or ur own grandmother's boutique, stealing is stealing n u either don't moralize any of it or u condemn all of it. simple as that. (not to mention the whole "workers are punished for stolen stuff" is just a myth n illegal in most countries, admittedly not that familiar w german labor laws but neither are y'all that much i know for sure, didn't seem like constantin was working security there lol 🤷‍♀️)

ranty i know but ive been trying not to complain abt this for soooo long bc it's like. the criticism that they DO receive abt the ACCURATE flaws is 100% justified n for example calling the Robin of the hood thing performative/white feminism isn't wrong if u actually talk abt the things that made it such. in fact that sorta discussion is very much needed. but a bunch of these ppl will have be gay do crime in their bio n then go "Hmmm stealing is bad bc *buzzword* and *literally center-right political views but with leftist language* so we shouldn't support this, also mailin is a performative activist" likeeee sorry to say but you r the one starting to sound performative bestie!

also bc this is already long so it doesn't even matter to add: 100% w you abt the tampons like that could've been a Very important topic to talk abt but they had to ruin it w the robin of the hood bit, guess we can't have nice things. (tho i do get how menstruation activism on TV can very easily be a descent into white feminism when it's framed as a women's issue but this season is literally abt a trans person so it would've been easy to discuss it w/o making it cis-centric)

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-10-31

THE SPOOKTOBER SPOOKD8 IS HERE!  Time to blog it and hope to the lord of bones that it heavily features the 12-foot Home Depot Skeleton!  Continuing from last time.

Will John remember that he should be off protecting the other kids from running off?  Or will he search for Vrissy finally, now that he’s spent a literal DAY staring at his house burning down?

> (==>)

This is the last Blood tie with your childhood and the past you were clinging to like a man-child, finally cut.  Your psyche is no longer allowed to be....

....Housetrapped.

Now get your Breathy ass over to your more adult responsibilities.  Or do something as irresponsible as usual, but more forward focused and thus singularly impressive.

> (==>)

I LITERALLY GASPED

I knew I was a fatally addicted Homestuck fanboy despite the trauma but I didn’t know I was THAT much of a just-over-thirty-year-old fanboy, I literally GASPED out loud.  To finally have the joy and confidence for the future that comes with JOHN and KARKAT together IN PERSON and interacting with a common goal.

What a dramatic, perfect shot.  This IS Karkat right?  That’s what the visuals and my heart and soul said

> (==>)

THEY’RE CLOSE FRIENDS

CLOSE ENOUGH FOR THAT

KARKAT HAS COME SO FAR

Karkat and John conversations are some of the strongest in Homestuck, I ship them as FRIENDS so hard

It brings to mind something I mentioned in the Breath, Blood, and the Flow of Reality explanation/theorypost, which was holy shit SEVEN YEARS AGO wow

I didn’t always understand the appeal of John as a character, ranking him in the middle of my liked characters list. But after a while, I suddenly noticed how enjoyable he was for the things his conversations did to others, making his pesterlogs some of the most enjoyable to read. I wrote the following two years ago, in a character rankings thread, back when we knew jack shit about the import of classes and roles:

“I didn’t really see why I should think John was such an amazing character until I realized his consistent effect on the other party. He’s goofy and doesn’t really understand anything, but he understands just enough about his friends and others to make cutting, hilarious, almost unintentional insights that can change people for the better, even if he’s off the mark. It’s not what he says himself, but what he brings about in others that makes him so great to read. I mean, if you wall him off from everyone else… he kind of fails.

That’s why I take issue with the complaint of protagonist syndrome, here. John is very little by himself, but enhances all the characters around him immensely. Imagine if John were doomed to stay the least powerful and/or game-advancing of the kids and trolls combined; notice how little that would do to the story, or his beneficial role in it.”

John cut himself off from EVERYONE for YEARS in the Candy timeline.  He tried to be close to people and just ended up distancing himself from it.  He tried to keep himself tied down by his old home and memories of the version of Dad he lost, and all sorts of childish stuff.  But that tie is cut, and the bonds he’s forged need to be grasped to bring him out to exercise his maturity, because Breath is futile without real BLOOD.

> (==>)

Awesome shot.

KARKAT: ROUGH DAY, HUH.

(that was supposed to skip to 2:26 when you click but I couldnt embed it that way -- I haven’t metal geared i just seen clips and super best friends & know some memes)

So many scars.  I used to even ship Jane and Karkat a little so they could just be aghast together at everyone’s shenanigans and level criticism at them together, but to think Jane’s fought and hurt Karkat THIS much...

(And yeah, his blood color is shown through his eyes now at this age, that’s correct.)

> (==>)

Oh my fucking god, going from that to Sprite mode that abruptly.  XD

This is great.

JOHN: karkat? JOHN: what are you doing here? KARKAT: IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU TOO.

Hah, SO close that Karkat’s immediately critical of NOT being greeted warmly.  :)

JOHN: this isn't a battlefield, it's just... KARKAT: THE OBLITERATED, SMOLDERING HUSK OF YOUR FORMER HOME. JOHN: well, yeah. KARKAT: WHICH WAS DESTROYED AS COLLATERAL IN AN ONGOING MILITARY CONFLICT. JOHN: oh all right, fine. JOHN: it just feels weird to call it that. JOHN: i guess i'm used to thinking of home as somewhere far away from all that war stuff.

Yeah John, the burning down from a bomb that was meant for you and ALL of your friends’ children is supposed to shatter you out of that illusion.

I’d continue criticizing, but Karkat’s about to do it for me:

KARKAT: JESUS *CHRIST* JOHN. KARKAT: I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO LIST ALL THE WAYS IN WHICH THAT CONSTITUTES A SHORT-SIGHTED AND PUKE-WORTHILY IGNORANT THING TO SAY TO ME, PERSONALLY. KARKAT: AND FRANKLY I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BOTHER, THANKS TO THE COUNTLESS FIRES I HAVE BEEN PUTTING OUT ALL DAY, THE ONE PRESENTLY CONSUMING YOUR HIVE NOTWITHSTANDING. KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE MADE THINGS GO A BIT MORE SMOOTHLY? JUST A FRACTION? KARKAT: IF YOU HADN'T JUST DECIDED TO WANDER OFF THE INSTANT SHIT STARTED HAPPENING. JOHN: jeez, i'm sorry karkat. JOHN: i had no idea how much time had passed. JOHN: i must have gotten a bit distracted by my house being blown up.

A BIT DISTRACTED.  You empty-headed irresponsible guardian.

KARKAT: NOT WANTING TO POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS, BUT I FEEL LIKE THIS WAS A PROBLEM THAT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE WERE UNIQUELY AND MAGICALLY EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH. JOHN: huh? KARKAT: YOU KNOW. KARKAT: WITH YOUR SHOOSH THING. JOHN: my shoosh thing. KARKAT: YOUR SHOOSH THING. KARKAT: THE GUSTY NONSENSE? THE GIFT OF GAS?? KARKAT: YOUR SBURB ALLOCATED BLOW JOB??? JOHN: uh. KARKAT: THE SUPERNATURAL COMMUNION YOU HAVE WITH ALL THINGS WINDY, YOU ASS!! JOHN: oh right, that. JOHN: that would have let me put the fire out, maybe. JOHN: i don't think there's anything in my skillset that would have unexploded my house though. KARKAT: THAT'S FAIR.

Mhmm.  Many of the characters in Candy AND Meat are currently in a situation where due to either years of unpractice in a worshipful society that discourages it by fueling their insecurities or inability to due to confinement in a years-long space trip has caused them to AVOID using their powers for the main beginning stretch of our new story.  People have complained about them outright “forgetting” to use their powers, and they’re right, to an extent, but it’s story-justified.  They’re almost all physically or psychologically prevented from doing so!  But those walls are coming down, starting now.  They’re going to come back into their own.  And we’re bound to see a LOT MORE of these literal Gods using their abilities to shape the fabric of reality as the story progresses.

JOHN: i suppose i'll add one more notch to the daily tally of crazy stuff that happened which i just have to accept as my life now.

It was all already happening, you just refused TO accept it until now.

JOHN: so... JOHN: what else happened while i was caught up watching the symbolic representation of my former life get consumed in a giant fire ball? KARKAT: OH BOY. WHERE TO START. KARKAT: SO FIRST OFF, IN HINDSIGHT, TODAY WAS PRETTY OBVIOUSLY JUST ONE HUGE BAITED TRAP. KARKAT: I SAY "IN HINDSIGHT", BUT FORTUNATELY IT WAS ALSO EXTREMELY APPARENT EVEN IN FORESIGHT TO THOSE OF US WHO SPENT A FEW SECONDS THINKING ABOUT IT. JOHN: ...right. KARKAT: OH COME ON EGBERT, SERIOUSLY? KARKAT: KIDNAPPING A PERSON OF IMPORTANCE, ONLY TO LET US KNOW PRECISELY WHERE AND ON WHAT OCCASION THEY WOULD BE MOST ACCESSIBLE FOR A RESCUE ATTEMPT? KARKAT: HAVING THAT OCCASION BE NONE OTHER THAN THE CORPSE PARTY OF A HIGHLY NOTEWORTHY POLITICAL FIGURE, WHOSE CASKET MIGHT AS WELL HAVE HAD A GIANT "KICK ME" SIGN DAUBED ON IT? KARKAT: THERE WAS BASICALLY NO WAY IT WASN'T A FRONT FOR SOMETHING HUGE. AND IT WAS! KARKAT: WE HAPPEN TO BE SITTING IN FRONT OF ONE FACET OF THAT HUGENESS AT THIS VERY MOMENT.

Wait.  Oh, God.

Someone brought up the possibility that Gamzee might still be revivable by Jane, and I speculated that she’s deliberately CHOOSING not to because she actually doesn’t like him that much or has some semblance of fucking sense left in her.

But what if she PLANNED to have a public funeral for him, and then revive him SOON AFTER to turn him into a Christ-like resurrecting figure?  D:

JOHN: well, when you put it like that... JOHN: i guess we all got pranked pretty hard, huh. KARKAT: THIS IS NO TIME FOR YOUR SHITTY NERD PRANKS JOHN. KARKAT: FRANKLY I'M INSULTED THAT YOU THINK SUCH A WORD IS EVEN REMOTELY APPOSITE TO THE PRESENT SITUATION. KARKAT: OTHER THAN TO DESCRIBE THE WAY I AM PERSONALLY BEING "PRANKED" BY REALITY IN HAVING TO EXPLAIN ALL THIS TO YOU.

Pretty much.  Get serious, John, actual people are dying by the--

--oh right, he was like this through the apocalypse and death of everyone on Earth.

I guess this is in character.  Paradox Space made sure to choose someone empty-headed and disconnected from reality enough to withstand this shit easily.  He really is a Breath player.

KARKAT: IT TURNS OUT THAT WE DIDN'T NEED TO PUT SO MUCH EFFORT INTO THE RESCUING YIFFY PART OF THE OPERATION. KARKAT: SHE BASICALLY RESCUED HERSELF WHEN ALL WAS SAID AND DONE. KARKAT: AND TOOK CARE OF KICKING GAMZEE'S CORPSEBOX OVER WHILE SHE WAS AT IT, IN A STUNNING DISPLAY OF EFFICIENCY WHICH THE REST OF US CAN ONLY ASPIRE TO.

Excellent, yeah.

JOHN: it sounds like she'd be a pretty welcome addition to your ranks then. KARKAT: SHE'S A CHILD, YOU MORON.

Yeah, you’re fucking grown up now, John.  Stop thinking of the kids as the ones who have to rise up when the adults aren’t all doomed or dead.

KARKAT: THE VRISKAS, PLURAL. JOHN: shit. KARKAT: THEY'VE BOTH BEEN CAPTURED. JOHN: shiiiiiiiit. KARKAT: YEAH. KARKAT: GREAT WORK KEEPING AN EYE ON THEM, BY THE WAY! KARKAT: YOU LITERALLY HAD ONLY ONE JOB, AND YOU MESSED IT UP IN THE EQUALLY SINGULAR WAY IT WAS POSSIBLE TO DO. JOHN: urgh, i know, i know. ):

At least he messed that part up while he was TRYING to watch them, and not when he wandered off and watched his house burn for a whole day instead of protecting the remaining kids.

KARKAT: JANE'S PLAN FOR THIS CONFLICT HAS THUS FAR CONSISTED ALMOST ENTIRELY OF KIDNAPPING VARIOUS HIGH PROFILE CHILDREN. KARKAT: IT'S BIZARRE. KARKAT: AS THOUGH WE ARE FIGHTING A WAR OF ATTRITION, WHERE THE MAIN RESOURCE BEING UTILIZED IS THE OFFSPRING OF THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET. KARKAT: IF IT WASN'T ONE OF THE CORE TENETS OF HER FASCISTIC PHILOSOPHY, I'D BE TEMPTED TO SAY THAT CURBING REPRODUCTION MIGHT HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA, IF ONLY TO PREVENT THIS KIND OF FUCKSHIT NONSENSE FROM HAPPENING.

Leave it to Karkat to point out the blatant absurdity of Homestuck’s nonsense in any given situation.

JOHN: wait. JOHN: wait a minute. JOHN: you said that both vriskas have been captured, right? KARKAT: EXCUSE ME WHILE I WEEP FOR JOY AT THE REVELATION THAT YOU HAVE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION FOR ONCE. JOHN: okay, well putting that emotional outburst aside for a moment. JOHN: how is that even possible? JOHN: doesn't vriska, the original vriska, still have her magic alien mind control powers? JOHN: it seems like it should be basically impossible for anyone to kidnap her. KARKAT: YOU'VE STUMBLED ASS BACKWARDS ACROSS THE MOST IMPORTANT POINT OF THIS UNFORTUNATE DEVELOPMENT.

...Is Karkat going to put two and two together and realize that Vriska must have been intentionally captured of her own free will for some sort of ploy?

KARKAT: YOU ARE CORRECT, IN THAT WITH HER CASTE-TYPICAL, *COMPLETELY SCIENTIFIC AND NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT MAGICAL* PSYCHOMANIPULATIVE ABILITIES, STAYING OUT OF CROCKER'S REACH SHOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETELY TRIVIAL FOR SERKET PRIME. KARKAT: EVEN ACCOUNTING FOR THE FACT THAT SAID ABILITIES ARE NOT NEARLY AS POTENT ON HUMANS AS THEY ARE ON FELLOW TROLLS, THEY STILL OUGHT TO HAVE TIPPED ANY ALTERCATION SQUARELY IN HER FAVOR. KARKAT: BUT SOMEHOW, IT DIDN'T! KARKAT: INSTEAD, THINGS APPEAR TO HAVE GONE GLOBES UP IN CLASSIC VRISKITE FASHION, AND NOW ONE OF THE MOST UNEXPECTED AND UNWANTED BUT NEVERTHELESS USEFUL WEAPONS IN OUR ARSENAL IS DOING TIME IN CROCKERJAIL. KARKAT: THAT'S ABOUT ALL WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO GLEAN FROM TAPPING INTO THE BATTERBITCH AIRWAVES, WHICH IS A FANCY TERM FOR EAVESDROPPING ON THOSE OF HER AGENTS WHO TALK A LITTLE TOO LOUDLY IN SEMI-PUBLIC SPACES. JOHN: jeez. JOHN: i really screwed that up, didn't i.

Guh.  I guess Karkat is underestimating Vriska a bit or just assuming the worst out of a habit of assuming the worst of everything.  (Or, if he has his suspicions, he’s not telling John.)

KARKAT: HAVING SAID ALL OF THAT, AND WITH THE RECOGNITION THAT I AM CHOOSING TO NURSE YOUR BRUISED FEELINGS DURING A PLANET WIDE CONFLICT FOR THE FATE OF MY SPECIES, KARKAT: IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO TO EXPEDITE YOUR GETTING THE FUCK OVER IT? JOHN: i... hm.

Yeah, use your shoosh-paps from Karkat wisely, John.  You needed them.

JOHN: i don't really know? JOHN: this all feels wrong, karkat. JOHN: no offense, but when you're around, it's usually a lot... KARKAT: A LOT WHAT? JOHN: a lot funnier. KARKAT: FUNNIER. JOHN: how to put this. JOHN: normally listening to you go on and on about how much we've fucked everything up is just very funny! JOHN: but now it's just not the same. JOHN: maybe it's part of what's going on with this entire reality? i don't know. JOHN: once upon a time i would have put down your ability to pull a silly rant out of your butt as a fundamental law of physics or something. JOHN: remember back when we first knew each other? JOHN: it felt like all you ever said to me was how much you thought i was screwing up and being a useless asshole. JOHN: and once i realized that you were also just a dumb kid who didn't know what was going on, i started to kind of enjoy it. JOHN: but now it's like... the only one who's still a dumb kid is me, and everyone else has something big and important going on that i just don't understand.

Mhmm, Karkat has every reason to be mad.  And everything really, REALLY close to you that you care about is in danger from the very things he’s mad about.  Karkat is RIGHT for once with every angry seemingly-exaggerated-but-not word, and that’s throwing you.

JOHN: i thought that i finally got what was going on with this whole war and everything. i wanted to be useful! JOHN: i guess i got a little too wrapped up in the feeling of something finally happening again. JOHN: and then watching it all blow up in my face, kind of literally now that i think about it...

...you think maybe something that happens to be A WAR is actually a big farking deal that you should be serious about??

JOHN: it's hard not to feel even more dejected about the situation than i was before. JOHN: and now even the patented karkat vant rant has lost all its sparkle.

IT’S NOT SUPPOSED TO BE FUN.

JOHN: maybe if you had like, painstakingly itemized a list of all the things wrong with my plan in a comically overdone fashion or something. KARKAT: I CONSIDERED IT, BUT HONESTLY THERE WAS SO MUCH WRONG THAT I CONCLUDED THAT THE BEST THING FOR EVERYONE WOULD BE TO NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN. JOHN: oh. okay.

Heheh.

KARKAT: IF WE'RE BEING HONEST, YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A PLAN, JOHN. KARKAT: CALLING IT A PLAN WOULD IMPLY THAT IT WAS A STRUCTURED SEQUENCE OF STEPS DESIGNED TO ACHIEVE A GOAL. KARKAT: WHAT YOU CAME UP WITH WAS A CONVOLUTED MESS WHICH STILL SOMEHOW INVOLVED DOING FUCKALL. KARKAT: AND I USE CONVOLUTED HERE IN THE SAME WAY THAT I WOULD TO DESCRIBE THE FRENZIED DRAWSTICK SCRIBBLES OF A SQUALLING HUMAN INFANT.

All Breath and no Blood?  All concept and influence and ephemeral accomplishments and no physical impact or results?

Karkat has been fighting this whole time with physical results in mind.  He NEEDS to tie that ephemeral shit down, and once added to his plan, once Breath sweeps the tide of actual sentiment of people, inspires them, you have an actual victory in reach instead of just more attrition.

KARKAT: I APPRECIATE THAT YOU SEEM TO HAVE DUG YOUR PAN OUT OF YOUR OWN CHUTE THE FEW MICROMETERS NECESSARY TO NOTICE THE PRECISE DEGREE TO WHICH THE WORLD IS BEING JUDICIOUSLY BATFUCKED RIGHT NOW.

Really need to dig yourself out more than that, John, yeah.

KARKAT: AS HARD AS IT IS TO BELIEVE, THAT'S A FEAT WHICH NO SMALL NUMBER OF PEOPLE ARE COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF DOING!

(Which is why your plan of attack needs more Breath!)

KARKAT: BUT NOTICING THE PROBLEM AND MAKING MEANINGFUL PROGRESS TOWARDS SOLVING IT ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS. KARKAT: THE NEXT TIME YOU GET THE IMPULSE TO "LEND A HAND", YOU'D BE BETTER OFF CANNING IT FOR FIVE MINUTES AND LISTENING TO THOSE OF US WHO'VE BEEN TRYING TO SOLVE IT A LOT LONGER THAN YOU HAVE. KARKAT: THIS ISN'T AN EXERCISE BEING CONDUCTED IN ORDER FOR YOU TO PROVE YOUR PERSONAL DEGREE OF MORAL RECTITUDE. KARKAT: AND IF IT WAS, YOU WOULD HAVE ALREADY FAILED MISERABLY! SO DO YOURSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE A FAVOR AND STOP TREATING IT LIKE ONE. JOHN: well... all right. if you say so karkat.

Phew.  Let’s hope he takes Karkat’s gift of a worldbound, arms-in-the-dirt sense of responsibility (Blood) and runs with it.

KARKAT: I DO SAY SO, EMPHATICALLY AND AT GREAT VOLUME. KARKAT: AND NOW THAT MY OBLIGATION TO CATECHIZE YOU ON THE SUBJECT OF YOUR OWN LIFE IS FULFILLED, I HAVE A WAR TO GET BACK TO. JOHN: wait, hold on. KARKAT: OH MY GOD WHAT NOW.

--is it gonna be a hug?

> (==>)

JOHN.  Put it together.

JOHN: you can't be leaving already. JOHN: there's... so much we still need to talk about!

No, not that!!

...well, yes, I’m all for more of you two talking but.  This ain’t just about you two.

KARKAT: WHAT MORE COULD THERE POSSIBLY BE FOR US TO DISCUSS?? KARKAT: PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME YOU JUST HAD ANOTHER EMOTION THAT WE NEED TO DROP EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO DISSECT. JOHN: no, that's not what i'm talking about at all. JOHN: karkat, we still haven't spoken about *you*! KARKAT: ABOUT ME? JOHN: yes. KARKAT: ABOUT *ME*? JOHN: about you. KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME. JOHN: well... JOHN: you know, how you feel! KARKAT: HOW I FEEL. JOHN: or just... JOHN: argh, i don't know!

This was more of an intervention than a feelings jam, John.  I’m not sure John’s in the condition right now to Breathily inspire Karkat somehow and help his war with an idea and drive he didn’t have before -- like he SHOULD eventually -- but I suppose we’re about to see.

JOHN: it's just been so long since we've seen each other. JOHN: all sorts of things have happened in that time, and it doesn't feel right to just not even mention any of it! KARKAT: LIKE WHAT?? JOHN: oh, i don't know karkat, literally anything! JOHN: i mean, look at you. JOHN: you are decked out in a tight body suit and have an eyepatch and everything. there is simply no way there isn't something to discuss there.

You talked with him plenty while NOT in person, though.

> (==>)

Such MOOD.  What a good image.

JOHN: or like, forget the eyepatch, we don't have to talk about the eyepatch. JOHN: i feel as though my point still stands? JOHN: there is basically a bottomless well full of stuff to go through. JOHN: i mean we kind of glossed over it when you brought her up earlier, but what about yiffy? JOHN: this might not come across so easily due to human troll cultural boundaries, but her existing is kind of a big deal?? JOHN: i feel like somehow i missed the part where we all sit around and talk about how strange it is that two of our friends went off and had a secret child without any of us knowing! JOHN: is it too much to ask that we have that part now, karkat?

That’s fair.  And they DO need to talk about it!  But this is sort of like in the Game -- there’s important shit to do, and not a whole lot of time to do it.  You’re going to do a lot of talking, but you won’t be able to do all you want with certain people separated from you by the circumstances of how this war is dividing your responsibilities.

JOHN: i mean, maybe it just doesn't mean that much to you. KARKAT: JOHN. JOHN: which is a little strange, given that it ties in to the whole conflict that you had with jade and dave. JOHN: oh god we have to talk about dave. KARKAT: JOHN. KARKAT: FUCKING HELL! KARKAT: I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT DAVE. JOHN: no, this is what i mean, karkat. JOHN: we need to talk about dave! KARKAT: HAHA! LIKE SHIT WE DO!! KARKAT: I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE HOW THIS IS EVEN A RELEVANT TOPIC OF CONVERSATION. JOHN: oh come on. JOHN: there's no way you aren't feeling kind of messed up about him, right?

THIS is fair.  Karkat does need to talk about this with somebody.  Whether John is the right somebody... I guess he is where Dave is concerned.  And he has to talk to Jade eventually, too.

JOHN: i know i am. JOHN: whenever i think about how things ended between you two... JOHN: especially now that he's... JOHN: ugh, i'm sorry. i'm SO sorry karkat. sorry doesn't even begin to cover it. JOHN: this whole thing feels so impossibly sad. JOHN: all i'm trying to say is... JOHN: it's not healthy to bottle these feelings up and not acknowledge them. JOHN: even if you aren't feeling anything right now, and i don't for a moment believe that's true, *i* need to talk about dave! JOHN: so can we please just talk about dave for a moment. KARKAT: NNNNGNGNGGGGGGGUUUUUUGUUGHHHHHHHH FINE.

It’s difficult to live in a Daveless world.

KARKAT: IF IT WILL GET YOU TO SHUT UP ABOUT THIS TOPIC FOR EVEN A BRIEF MOMENT, THEN FINE. KARKAT: REGARDLESS OF HOW POINTLESS AN EXERCISE I CONSIDER IT TO BE, I WILL DISCUSS WITH YOU MY "FEELINGS" ABOUT DAVE. JOHN: okay. JOHN: thank you. KARKAT: ARE YOU PREPARED TO BE INUNDATED WITH NONE OTHER THAN AN UNINTERRUPTED SPATE OF HARD, UNEMBELLISHED DATA VIS A VIS MY SWEEPS-SUPPRESSED, BISCUITFELT EMOTIONS ON THE DAVE SITUATION?? KARKAT: WELL HERE GOES.

--it’s not gonna be short, or cut away, is it?  --actually it could just switch to a very sad sunset-like vista of the two sitting there, and one poignant line from him followed by a long, hanging pause.

> (==>)

KARKAT: *DEEP BREATH*

A giant expletive isn’t it.

The best sendoff you could give him.

> (==>)

Holy shit.  It really IS a rant!

KARKAT: YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW I REALLY FEEL ABOUT DAVE? KARKAT: HOW I FEEL IS THAT I WISH THAT EVERYONE WOULD STOP FUCKING BOTHERING ME ABOUT HIM!!! KARKAT: ALRIGHT, SO HE AND JADE GOT HUMAN MARRIED!! BIG DEAL!!! KARKAT: DO PEOPLE FORGET THAT I WAS THERE?? I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS FORGETTING THAT I WAS LITERALLY INVITED TO THE OCCASION. KARKAT: I'VE EVEN COME TO EXPECT THIS KIND OF AMNESIAC BEHAVIOR FROM EVERYONE ELSE, SINCE I ADMIT THAT I DIDN'T EXACTLY STICK AROUND OR ACTUALLY SHOW MY FACE FOR MOST OF THE ORDEAL, BUT YOU EGBERT SHOULD HAVE NO FUCKING EXCUSE! JOHN: wait, karkat, that's not what i KARKAT: SO YEAH! THAT WHOLE THING HAPPENED, AND I CAME TO TERMS WITH WHATEVER THERE WAS TO COME TO TERMS WITH, WHICH WAS FUCKING *NOTHING*, AND THEN I GOT ON WITH THE ACTUAL IMPORTANT BUSINESS OF TRYING TO PREVENT THE WORLD FROM CRUMBLING! KARKAT: WHICH, NOW THAT WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, IS *STILL FUCKING HAPPENING*! KARKAT: I AM UTTERLY APPALLED THAT THIS IS AN INFO MORSEL I KEEP HAVING TO SPOONFEED DOWN YOUR WINDCHUTE EVERY FIVE SECONDS, JOHN, I REALLY AM. KARKAT: I MEAN HOLY SHIT, NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS! KARKAT: AND ONE THING I CAN SAY WITH ABSOLUTE IRONCLAD CERTAINTY IS THAT IF DAVE WERE HERE, HE WOULD SAY THE SAME THING!!

Okay he dealt with it by keeping his hands in the dirt working on hard-fighting responsibilities, yeah, as a Blood player might.  But the way he’s ranting about it seems a little-

KARKAT: SPEAKING OF WHICH, WHERE *IS* DAVE?? JOHN: um. KARKAT: I FEEL LIKE IF ANYONE COULD HAVE PREVENTED TODAY FROM DEVOLVING INTO A HEADLESS CLUSTERFUCK, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN... OKAY, MAYBE NOT HIM, BUT AT LEAST HE MIGHT HAVE HELPED DRAG YOU OUT OF YOUR DEPRESSIVE FUGUE A LITTLE SOONER! JOHN: (oh shit.)

Oh SHIT

> (==>)

Oh no... oh no, they’re BOTH about to let it out together.

They’re gonna have to cry it out.  Finally, onscreen.  THIS is why they weren’t showing us, why they were saving it.  It felt so awkward at the time but it’s because it has to culminate in these two, some of the closest to Dave since CHILDHOOD, get to show us the effect on everyone in a microcosm.

KARKAT: NOT ONLY THAT, BUT MAYBE WITH BOTH OF US HERE WE COULD HAVE DISPENSED WITH THIS ENTIRE SORRY TOPIC ONCE AND FOR ALL, IF ONLY FOR YOUR BENEFIT! KARKAT: OH HI DAVE, JOHN SEEMS TO BE UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT THE UNSPOKEN HISTORY BETWEEN US IS OF SUFFICIENT IMPORT THAT WE NEED TO HASH IT OUT THIS VERY SECOND IN FRONT OF THE BLASTED REMAINS OF HIS HOME! KARKAT: yo karkat that does seem to be a strange thing for my best friend john to be concerned about given that he has spent the past five years wallowing in the depths of deepest divorce fever KARKAT: and especially since jade and i have meanwhile been working as part of your resistance with no complaints, but sure, we can brofist each other and arrange our limbs in an unambiguously platonic way KARKAT: a way which is also flawlessly calculated to communicate to everyone present that here are two guys who are totally and unequivocally over each other JOHN: (oh god. you don't...)

Talk about John’s comment about Karkat’s rants not being hilarious in a situation.  THIS situation really tugs it out of them.  :(

KARKAT: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA DAVE, AND WITH THAT MAYBE THAT WAY WE CAN WASH OUR TOUCH STUMPS OF THIS WHOLE ORDEAL AND NEVER HAVE TO SPEAK OF IT AGAIN! KARKAT: WOULD YOU LIKE THAT, JOHN? KARKAT: WOULD THAT SATISFY YOUR CRAVING FOR CATHARSIS ON THE SUBJECT OF DAVE?? KARKAT: WELL WHY DON'T WE TRY IT THEN. KARKAT: IN FACT, WHY DON'T YOU CALL DAVE AND GET HIM OVER HERE RIGHT NOW! JOHN: (oh my god...)

> (==>)

These visuals are ON POINT.  This entire sequence since Karkat showed up is masterfully done.

KARKAT: MAYBE WE SHOULD GET JADE TO COME AS WELL! JOHN: ): KARKAT: FUCK, WHY NOT INVITE FUCKING EVERYONE!!! KARKAT: WHY NOT PRESS "PAUSE" ON THE RACE WAR FOR A MOMENT AND HAVE ONE HUGE FEELINGS JAM LAWNMEAL WHERE WE ALL PUBLICLY EXPATIATE OUR VARIOUS CONVOLUTED EMOTIONS. KARKAT: FORGET PEACE TALKS, GET FUCKING *CROCKER* TO COME! KARKAT: MAYBE THE SIGHT OF A DAVEKAT RECONCILIATION IS THE SECRET KEY TO UNLOCKING THE PART OF HER BRAIN THAT STOPS HER FROM BEING A GENOCIDAL RACIST BITCH!!! KARKAT: HOW COULD WE HAVE POSSIBLY BEEN SO BLIND!!!!!! KARKAT: IF GAMZEE WASN'T DEAD, YOU COULD HAVE INVITED HIM AS WELL! KARKAT: HAHAHA, THAT'S OKAY, WE STILL HAVE A VERITABLE MENAGERIE OF PEOPLE WE KNOW WHO AREN'T DEAD. JOHN: ))))): KARKAT: ALL OF WHOM I AM SURE WILL BE SIMPLY DELIGHTED TO ATTEND WHAT WILL UNDOUBTEDLY BE THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT IN EARTH C'S BULLSHIT HISTORY. KARKAT: IF THIS IS WHAT IT TAKES, EGBERT, THEN I AM PREPARED TO DO IT! KARKAT: DON'T THINK THAT I WON'T!! KARKAT: IF JUST FOR AN *INSTANT* IT WILL GET EVERYONE OFF MY CASE ABOUT THIS, I WILL STAND UP WITH DAVE IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE ***FUCKING WORLD*** AND SOLEMNLY VOW THAT I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT!!!! JOHN: KARKAT!!!!

That last bit with John.  I can HEAR the rawness in his voice as he shouts that last bit... he’s about to burst into tears.  And Karkat is going to have to with him.  And they’ll cry it out together, as they should.

> (==>)

JOHN: ugh, fuck, this is just too much! JOHN: i thought you KNEW! KARKAT: KNEW WHAT??? JOHN: dave's GONE, karkat! JOHN: he's... JOHN: he's dead.

Let’s see it happen.

> (==>)

Just body language, the blow of the words...

JOHN: i didn't mean for you to find out like this at all, i thought... JOHN: i mean, i only heard about it yesterday, but i was convinced someone would have told you already! JOHN: apparently one minute he was there, and the next... JOHN: none of us even know how it happened, and it doesn't make any sense that he's dead, but he is. JOHN: he is dead and he's not coming back. KARKAT: JOHN: talk to me karkat, please. JOHN: please talk to me karkat. KARKAT: KARKAT: HE...

Jade and Rose were on a different part of this battlefield, they didn’t have the ability, time, and/or heart to break the news--

> (==>)

KARKAT: HE DIDN'T EVEN SAY GOODBYE?

aaaaAAAA

What a fucking expression, wow.

And what a regret RoboDave has to have for abandoning everyone without so much as a farewell letter.  To think that ditching them like that was IN his Ultimate Soul is going to eat away at him.  He may be linked to all of his self of selves, but he’s still an individual with individual regrets.

This was a damned good update.  See y’all next time.

(It may be the new meds I’m on, but between this and the thorough love I see put into the unofficial archive, I’m suddenly reminded that despite all the drama, I fucking LOVE Homestuck.  Even its current incarnation.)

[solalunar-eclipse]

Scars You Can’t See - Chapter 5

Chapter title: Ready to explode

Word count: about 3800 words (whoa)

Author’s Note: I think it’s about time I gave a shoutout to @teamxdark! Their comments have gotten me to start planning out some of the later chapters (and giving me a lot of inspiration), so I figured they deserved some credit!

And thank you to everyone who’s read this fic so far- every note I get is incredible and I hope you’re all enjoying the ride :)

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Sonic stared blankly at his phone screen for the fifth time this morning. The old texts and the name at the top of the messaging app blurred slightly as his eyes unfocused. He was waiting for...something. What, he wasn’t sure.

That was a lie.

Truthfully, he was hoping that the three little dots showing that someone was typing would appear like a miracle. He knew that wouldn’t happen, though. The hedgehog on the other end of the messages had turned off his phone entirely. Heck, Shadow was literally in hiding. There had been exactly one post on Chatter (which he and Tails totally hadn’t read over and over searching for hidden messages) and that was from Omega.

But chaos, how Sonic wished for just five minutes to talk to him. He hadn’t even realized before now how much he normally texted the hybrid in a day. The hero honestly just messaged whenever he saw something or found a funny joke that he thought Shadow would like. In dealing with his new absence, though, Sonic had come up with an idea to write down whatever it was he’d seen that he figured Shadow would enjoy and save it for later.

He was forced to stop this when he wrote nearly two thousand words’ worth of moments in half an hour.

Sonic cursed all the times he’d taken Shadow’s near-constant presence for granted. The hybrid had always been a punctual texter, despite Rouge’s repeated attempts to convince him that he didn’t have to answer right away. Even when the other hedgehog had been off on a mission, Sonic still had an idea of how long he needed to wait before he could start texting. But now, it could be days, weeks, or even months before he could talk to Shadow freely again.

What if you’ll never hear from him again? a nasty inner voice whispered. What if that call was the last time you got to hear his voice?

Sonic felt his stomach fall through the floor at that idea, before swallowing the sensation and shaking his head. He couldn’t doubt Team Dark like that! They were guaranteed to pull through, and kick G.U.N.’s butt in the process.

Speaking of which…

The hero was pretty angry at G.U.N., and that was actually a big deal for him. Sonic didn’t get angry, except sometimes at Eggman. Even when a bitter detractor had posted a lengthy essay on Chatter explaining exactly why Sonic was (supposedly) a terrible person, he hadn’t reacted in fury- or even close. He’d had his friends’ support, and honestly? He’d pitied the person more than anything. Anyone who was trying to tear others down had probably been hurt pretty badly themselves.

Sonic had even made a meme out of their misspelling of his name- “Sanic” was now a worldwide joke with a hilarious drawing to match.

But now, all he really wanted to do was beat someone up- some robots, some evil agents, whatever- and trash the whole organization until they were all falling over themselves to apologize. The fact that G.U.N. had dared to treat Shadow’s obviously painful past with no kindness whatsoever really got on his nerves. The hybrid had suffered a hundred times over, lost his memory, and even died to save the world, yet he still didn’t get the respect he deserved.

“Uhhh, Sonic? Is everything okay?”

The blue blur jumped, startled out of his spiraling thoughts. He heard a growling noise, and his eyes widened when he realized it was coming from him. Sonic could feel his lips curled back into a snarl and quickly straightened his face out, blinking and clearing his throat. “Yeah! Sorry, Tails…” he said, embarrassed at having been caught in that kind of state. The fox eyed him skeptically. “Really, I’m fine!”

“Are you su-”

“Yeah!” Sonic exclaimed, grinning reassuringly. No point in upsetting others with his own problems, after all. “Everything’s good here, buddy!”

“If you say so…” Tails muttered. He didn’t seem convinced, but accepted it despite this. “Anyway, what I came over to say was: we’re out of groceries- can you head out and get some? I made a list of everything we need, it’s right here!”

Ordinarily, Sonic would’ve complained loudly and with much drama about having to do something so menial as a grocery run when he was a hero, for chaos’ sake. But that wasn’t the case these days. “Sure thing!” Sonic agreed, feeling better already. With a distraction to keep his worries and negative thoughts away, he’d be back to normal in no time. “See ya soon!”

The blue blur dashed out the door- before returning a second later, a sheepish grin on his face. “Forgot the list,” he explained, rushing out again.

With the wind in his quills, it was almost too easy to forget everything that he’d been thinking about just moments before. Sonic grinned properly as he raced across fields and through side streets. This was his element, after all!  He made his way to his and Tails’ favorite grocery store, bounding over obstacles and pulling a few awesome parkour tricks he’d picked up over the years. Shadow had always gotten on their case for not supporting a more local store- this one was a big name, after all- but Sonic had--

He shook his head, walking into the building. No more thoughts like that! There was only so much ruminating on bittersweet memories a guy could do in a day.

His presence here was relatively common, so he didn’t do much more than turn a few heads as he stepped through the automatic doors into the air-conditioned halls of the large grocery store. Sonic forced himself to walk through the aisles (instead of sprinting through them and accidentally whipping half the items off the shelves in his wake). As he did so, though, he began to hear people talking. And they weren’t just talking about the latest viral video, or boring politics, or any of those things, either.

They were talking about them.

Of course, everyone would always change the subject when he walked by, chatting loudly about their dog or their kids or whatever. It was almost as though they were saying, “Don’t look at me! I didn’t say anything about your friends! I’m just here, minding my own business!” But of course none of them really had been.

He recognized that he was spiraling down the path of thinking about it again, even though there was nothing he could do. And now no matter what, the thoughts of some of his closest friends were tainted. Which totally didn’t frustrate him at all. 

It didn’t help, he thought irritably (not noticing the mild scowl that had appeared on his face), that G.U.N. was basically screaming in all the op-eds and information releases the organization could get their hands on that they weren’t in the wrong. They didn’t say that specifically, of course- that would be too obvious. Instead, they just published the same old news over and over again: Team Dark had stolen classified files and then run away. 

This had all begun to grate on Sonic’s nerves a little, particularly when pundits and newspaper writers alike began to spout wild conspiracy theories about Team Dark having been spies for ‘the enemy’- whoever that was- or that one of them had finally lost it...or even all three at once. The most frustrating, however, was when once avid supporters of the former G.U.N. agents completely disavowed them and distanced themselves from the team as much as possible. It made him want to pull a Knuckles and punch a wall- how could people turn on the team so easily?

The hero pulled himself back to reality to realize that he’d been staring at a can of soup for the past few minutes. And were those dents where his fingers had been? He put the can in his shopping cart, took a deep breath, and continued on, giving himself a little ride on the back of the cart as a treat. Normally, he’d remember his various accidents and restrain himself, but lately the hero had needed to clear his head. He deserved this.

A few minutes later, a chime on his phone let him know that Tails had sent him a message. Sonic opened it up and read the text: 

milesperhour: Sonic, I think you need to see this. Take a close look at paragraph 5. https://www.centralcitynews.com/team-dark-update

Sonic clicked the link, sighing, and began to scan the article. Another one? Really, he’d had enough of-

Oh boy. Oh wow. Okay.

They’d made a move. G.U.N. didn’t release much in the way of information- all they’d done was declare an official alert asking people to keep a lookout for Rouge, Shadow and Omega. And to tip G.U.N. off at a hotline that they’d provided for this purpose.

Sonic had learned how to read between the lines over the last few days, though, and on his second read-through, he saw what most would not. 

...are in possession of multiple classified files…

So they’d stolen more info? That must’ve been what Omega’s post was about! Sonic began to squeeze his phone hopefully. Maybe this was it, maybe soon this whole nightmare would be over!

He practically flew through the rest of the store at the thought. Team Dark would give G.U.N. what for, the organization would apologize, and then everything would be fine!

Sonic checked out in a hurry, rushing home as fast as he could. Slamming open the door, he yelled out, “Tails! Did you see- oh right, you sent me the article. But still! Things are looking up, buddy!”

Tails had a slightly lopsided grin on his face, making the hero’s heart sink. “What’s that look all about?”

“I don’t know- it’s probably nothing! After all, Team Dark can handle any situation they come up against...just, G.U.N. has a lot of resources, you know?”

Sonic’s smile returned in full force. “Sure they do, but they also owe me for saving the world, like, a million times over! Once we’ve got the Edge Gang back with us, I’ll go talk with the commander and get them to straighten everything out!”

“That sounds like corruption, Sonic…” Tails said, a wicked smirk appearing on his face.

“Dude, what?! No! I’d never-! I just meant I was gonna see if I could talk some sense into them- hey, get back here!” Sonic screeched, seeing Tails run off with the groceries...including the donut he’d bought for himself.

…

Later that afternoon, Sonic was in the middle of finally enjoying said donut after wrestling it from Tails’s (evil terrible Sonic-and-sugar-hating) claws. It was a little squished, but it was still great- he wasn’t complaining!

That was, of course, when he heard a loud, sharp knock on the door.

He jumped up and zipped over to the entry hall, pastry still in hand. Whipping open the door, a shocking sight greeted him- one that made all of his battle-honed senses immediately scream danger danger danger. Two impeccably dressed G.U.N. agents stood before him, a human and a barn owl. The human seemed pretty awkward, wearing slightly rumpled slacks and overall looking a little messy. The owl, however, despite being about the same height as the blue blur, exuded an air of steely discipline that would make everyone she faced feel about two inches tall.

Everyone except Sonic, that was. He was secure in the knowledge that his friends were not wrong, and he maintained his usual relaxed demeanor without a hitch. The hero smiled fake-pleasantly at the two agents, ignoring the fact that he had sugar glaze at the corners of his mouth and all over his glove. “Sorry, guys, I wasn't really expecting guests.” He gestured to himself as an obvious example. “Anything I can do for ya?”

He didn’t offer to let them inside, though. These agents were hunting down his friends, he was absolutely sure of that. Sonic refused to help them in any way, not when Team Dark was still out there and being threatened by their organization.

The barn owl gave him a look that nearly pierced through his very soul. “Sonic the Hedgehog. I am Agent Toya, and this is my colleague, Agent Jones. We have a few questions that we would like to ask you. Inside.” Her voice was cold and clear, with no trace of an accent.

Sonic felt a chill run down his spine, but kept his smile up regardless. “Sure thing!” he chirped, despite very much not wanting to let them in. “The living room’s right this way- make yourselves comfortable, I’ll be back there in a sec.” He honestly didn’t think he could have refused them entry without...complications.

The hero zipped over to Tails’s workshop, flinging open the door with a little more force than he’d intended. The fox jumped up in a fright when it smacked against the wall, staring at Sonic. “G.U.N. is here. Two agents.” he said quickly. The imminent sense of danger in the back of his head wouldn't leave him be, despite the fact that he was one of the most powerful people alive.

...Despite this, don’t let G.U.N. take you or anyone else anywhere. You might not come back…

...These people aren’t crazy geniuses- they’re ruthless destroyers…

“Oh, chaos.” Tails breathed. “I’ll wait nearby, okay? Then I can do something if they start getting too intense.”

Sonic nodded, before speeding back down to see the agents sitting on his couch. “Hi! So whatcha guys want?” he asked perkily, burying his thoughts for now.

“Hello to you too, Sonic.” Jones said politely. “How are you?”

The hero tugged slightly at the cuff of his glove. “Pretty good!” he lied through his grin. “Been chilling around the house for most of the day- how ‘bout you?”

“Not bad,” the human answered. “Work is work though, you know?”

“Yeah, sounds pretty rough.” Sonic said, a little unconvincingly. Before he could stop himself, he thought of all the late nights Shadow and Omega had spent working on paperwork and various odd jobs for G.U.N., and the times when Rouge had to cancel her dates with Knuckles because she was just too exhausted from work to do much of anything. His smile became slightly strained as he worked to keep his frustration on Team Dark’s behalf under wraps.

The owl gazed at him silently for a moment, having watched this whole awkward transaction with a calculating look in her eye. Then she spoke. “I’m certain you have seen the news lately.”

“Uhhh...kinda, I’m not big on newspapers, but I try to keep up, yeah! Always nice to see an article about yours truly, hah.” He played it off, deciding to act dumb for now.

Agent Jones shifted in his seat, looking cautious. “Yeah…” he said, offering up an incredibly fake smile. “I’m a bit of a fan, myself.”

Sonic knew exactly what was going on. It was almost so classic he had to laugh- the old good cop/bad cop scenario. The human was clearly trying to play the good cop, and not enjoying it either. The hedgehog had to wonder, though, was he just a better bad cop or uncomfortable because he was helping grill a hero?

Oh, right- Agent Toya was talking again. “We know that you have seen the articles published about the betrayal of Team Dark. Even if you do not read the news, one of your friends will have told you by now.”

The hedgehog’s eyes narrowed a little. “And what’s that supposed to mean? What do you want outta me?”

“You. Know. Something.” she said sharply. “That team- in particular Shadow the Hedgehog-” He tensed at her flippant use of his name, as if they weren’t hunting him down like he had legitimately gone bad. “-trust you. You are very close with them. They would not have left you with nothing.”

Sonic shook his head, trying one last time. “I don’t think so, lady. I know about as much as you- if that. It’s not like we’re besties or anything.”

Agent Jones shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know- it looks like you guys are pretty close to me. Not that that’s bad, I mean-!!” he amended rapidly, realizing his mistake. In addition to having blown his role as the ‘good cop’, he was now being stared down by a very irritated pair of green eyes. The look he was being given contrasted sharply with the grin plastered across the hero’s face, and the agent began to sweat slightly and avoid his stare.

Meanwhile, Sonic turned his attention back to Agent Toya, sitting up straight and squaring his shoulders in preparation for more. He was a fighter, after all.

It seemed that the barn owl came here ready for a fight as well, because her own eyes flashed and she straightened her G.U.N. uniform. “Sonic. We need information. Our organization has been compromised. Twice. We are in a crisis and we are ordering you to tell us what you know.”

That did it.

“As if!” the hero exclaimed, jumping to his feet. “You think I’m the kind of guy who’d sell his friends out and watch them get carted off to jail- or worse?! I don’t know as much as you think I do, and if I did, I wouldn’t tell you!” He had probably blown any semblance of ignorance up now, but Sonic couldn’t find it in himself to care.

The owl agent stood as well, glaring at him. “If that is the attitude you are going to take, then we have no choice but to take you into custody.” She began to reach for the Taser on her belt at the same time as Jones grabbed the gun from his holster. Sonic’s eyes flickered between them both- the human he could take on, but he wasn’t completely sure about Toya’s skill with the Taser.

Could he get around them? Sure, but not without breaking something...and he hated to bust up his house just because a couple of agents showed up on his doorstep and pulled weapons on him. He’d handled worse odds, hadn’t he? But then he and Tails would constantly be on the run, and that was no way for a nine-year-old to live…

A loud crash resounded in the kitchen. Jones shouted and jumped up, Sonic’s head snapped around so fast he tweaked his neck, and Toya took a step backwards.

Rubbing his neck and wincing, Sonic yelled out, “Everything okay in there?”

Tails dashed into the room out of nowhere, crying out, “Sorry! Sorry! I was just working and wanted a drink- and I heard- I heard-” 

The fox then began to cry, sobbing and clinging to Sonic’s chest. “You’re not gonna take him away, are you? I need my big brother…” he sniffled. “Sonic, everything’s gonna be okay, right?”

The hero was trying his very hardest, meanwhile, to keep his jaw from hitting the floor as he watched his brother, a brave, intelligent sidekick and someone he was proud to fight beside, put on the most incredible show he’d ever seen. “I…I dunno, buddy…” he said honestly, uncertain about how to react. 

This seemed to be a pretty good move, as Tails immediately began to bawl harder and gasped, in between sobs, “Please don’t take him away from me!”

It appeared that Toya would not feel comfortable using force against Sonic (or even resuming her interrogation) when the young fox was around. Instead, she gave him a very pointed, piercing look, before declaring, “We will be back at a later date to continue this conversation.”

She stalked out the door, Jones shoving his gun back onto his belt and following sulkily behind her. As soon as she had gotten into her car and driven off, the hero sagged into the couch and let out a loud sigh. “Welp.”

Tails flew out of the room immediately afterwards, whispering a quick “Wait there and chill for a second I’ll be right back” before he exited. Once he returned, the fox crawled around on the couch next to Sonic before letting out an “Aha!” and holding up what appeared to be a tiny piece of metal.

“It’s a shame to have to do this, but…” he muttered, before vanishing with it. A couple minutes later, a very loud noise boomed from Tails’s workshop and made Sonic panic before blasting in there at top speed. 

“What was that?!” he shrieked. 

“Just destroying this camera that human agent left in our couch.” the engineer replied lightly.

“Wait- what??” Sonic gasped. “He did what?”

“I thought they’d be crazy to leave without planting one, so I checked the camera feed, and it was pretty obvious! He must be a new recruit.”

“Wait- you have a camera? In our living room?” the hero asked, feeling slightly creeped out.

Tails shrugged. “Well, I didn’t until recently, but I figured that G.U.N. would have to show up at our place eventually, so yeah.”

They both stayed there in silence for a minute, before making their way back down to the main house. 

“Well, what do we do now?” Tails wondered. 

“I dunno- you’re the smart guy, pal.” Sonic replied quickly. “I just don’t want to have to escape from them! I like running, but not away from people. Especially bad people.”

“Well...does it count as running if we’re hanging out with Knuckles?” the fox suggested hopefully.

Sonic sighed. “I guess not...it’d be cool with him, too, since Angel Island is a pretty safe place and all. I still hate the idea of hiding from them, though.”

“Maybe you won’t have to!” Tails said, trying to be cheerful. “After all, I don’t think people will buy it if G.U.N. says you’re a...traitor…” He trailed off, remembering a particularly eventful moment from their past.

“Yyyeah.” the hedgehog said dryly, having thought of the same thing. “That’s exactly why I didn’t have to ride through the streets of Central City on a piece of helicopter.”

“Let’s not think about that for now though, okay?” Sonic asked. “ I don’t like the idea of being scared all the time.”

Tails nodded in agreement. “Besides, we’ve handled them before! We can cross that bridge when we come to it anyway.”

Sonic grinned. “How about we watch some TV for now, take our minds off things?”

“Sure! But I’m definitely gonna tell Omega- or whoever calls us next- about this. They deserve to know.” the fox answered.

“Okay…” the blue blur said. He felt a little guilty that he could just turn on a movie and forget about G.U.N. for a while- Team Dark didn’t have that luxury. Quickly, though, he added, “Anything on there you’ve been dying to watch?”

Tails smiled happily, and Sonic decided that this was totally worth it. “Well, there is this one documentary…”

[lenniewip]

Unknown (A Sterek Wrong Number/Celebrity AU)

11.09 PM Unknown Number

>I’m writing songs about you again.

11.20 PM Unknown Number

>its stiles btw.

>in case you deleted my number

>I did.

>I mean I deleted yours.

>but I still remember it apparently

11:41 PM Unknown Number

>I only have 2 lines so far

11:57 PM Unknown Number

>I bleed you from my veins.

>I grieve you like I love you.

>alone.

>its better with the chords.

>u were always better at writing lyrics than me

12:34 AM Unknown Number

>u were better everything than me

2:00 AM Unknown Number

>I hate that I miss you

2:07 AM Unknown Number

>do u want to hook up?

>I promise not to propose again

2:15 AM Unknown Number

>im sorry.

>ignore me.

>im drinking

Derek blinked bleary eyes. His phone screen was the only source of light in his room, as he read through the flurry text messages.

What the hell is a Stiles?

2:17 AM Unknown Number

<I think you have the wrong number

>Lydia?

<no

>oh thank fuck

>I mean

>I’m sorry

>for disturbing ur sleep

>but im just glad I didn’t drunk text my ex all of this

>bullet dodged right?

>is this what near death experiences feel like?

<I wouldn’t know.

>of course

>hey

>seeming as I have you here can I ask you a quick q?

>all my friends are asleep

<probably because its 3am

<everyone’s asleep

>2.39

>and ur not

>asleep that is

>so?

>I’ll take your silence as a go ahead

>what do you think?

>of the lyrics

<im the wrong person to ask

>never experienced heartbreak?

<no

<all song lyrics just look like bad poetry to me

>oh

>yeah I guess it does

>not everyone can be Rupi Kaur tho right?

<do you want to be rupi kaur?

>sure

>not to be dramatic or anything

>but

>I want to be anyone but me

>think id rather be someone like regina spektor tho

<regina spektor?

>singer/song writer

>shes my fucking inspiration

>her lyrics are like poetry to me

>you should listen to her music

<I dont really listen to music

>what the fuck?

>are you an alien?

<no?

>nice fucking try ET

>thats exactly what an alien would say

<…you got me there

>akdjfen

>is this you admitting I was right?

<no

<but this is me going to bed

<because its now 4AM

>already?

>fuck

>ive got an early start tomorrow

>good night random stranger

>and thanks

>for listening

>or reading ig

<good night

//

“You’re late.” Laura frowned, arms crossed.

“Are you going to let me in?” Derek grumbled, still feeling the affects of having stayed up until 4AM the previous night.

Laura didn’t argue she just stepped aside to let him through into her flat. “You’re grumpier than usual.” She noted.

“Didn’t sleep well.”

Derek hated the look she gave him then.

The look that said he was broken. The look that said she wanted to fix him.

“Is…Is it the nightmares again?” Laura’s voice dipped to a whisper, like the question alone would be enough to send him over the edge.

“No.”

An awkward silence defended over the two of them, neither knowing what to say.

Derek clung to the silence like a blanket, wishing things could go back to how they used to be. Back to when they knew how to speak to one another.

But this was enough.

It was enough to know that they were both trying. Failing. But trying.

//

2:40 PM Laura

>I’m here if you need to talk.

//

Derek isn’t good at art, but sometimes it’s the only way he can express himself. Words had never been his forte.

So instead he doodles.

Shitty toddler level doodles that he never shows anyone.

Sometimes he thinks if he could bring himself to show Laura she would like it. Maybe she would even understand it.

But there was a bigger chance that she wouldn’t, and he would feel even more like a stranger to his own sister than he already was.

//

10:18 PM Unknown Number

>I don’t remember it anymore

<You have the wrong number again

>No

>This is ‘not Lydia’ right?

<right

>So here’s the thing.

>I always thought if I needed to text her I could

>And I thought maybe I got her number wrong because I was drunk

>But I can’t remember it anymore

<Oh.

>I have some of her things still

>I don’t think I’ll ever get to return it now

>Unless she messages me first

<When did you two break up?

>Last year

>and I know what you’re thinking

>’it’s October’

>and I should be over her by now

>Trust me I know

>So you don’t need to lecture me

<I wasn’t going to

>Oh

<Stiles?

>That’s weird

<what is?

>I forgot I told you my name

<You should throw away the stuff she left behind.

>you’re right

>I don’t like it.

>but you’re right

>…thanks

<What for?

>for listening

>reading**

>my friends are pretty sick of hearing me complain

>so this is nice

<sure

<anytime

>dope

>no take backsies

<am I going to regret this?

>for definite

>you’re stuck with me now

//

That night Derek saves Stiles’ number as ‘Bad Poet’.

//

Stiles keeps messaging after that.

Stiles messages like they’ve been friends for years, and Derek very determinedly does not analyse why it is he always responds.

Even when there are messages dated from Laura from three days ago that he hasn’t even been able to bring himself to open yet.

He also ignores how when he’s messaging Stiles the gaping pit that had made residence in his chest feels just a little less inescapable.

//

Derek can’t bring himself to tell Stiles his name. He can’t bring himself open up, even though there’s a large part of him that wants to.

He’s not above admitting he’s scared.

//

Derek draws Stiles sometimes.

More accurately he draws a vague pair hands texting on a phone, because he has no idea what Stiles actually looks like.

Derek refuses to let himself dwell on that though, because they are happy drawings.

The pictures of Stiles are pretty much his only happy drawings right now.

//

They don’t always talk about Lydia.

Sometimes Stiles messages Derek song lyrics he’s working on.

Other times it’s memes, or just a bunch of emojis.

Once Stiles had just messaged him what Derek could only assume was a list of everything he had eaten that day.

Sometimes Stiles messages in rambles - and Derek can’t always keep up with the boy’s run away thoughts, but even then he never feels lost the way he does when he’s trying to interact with literally anyone else.

And sometimes it’s 2AM. Those are simultaneously Derek’s favourite and least favourite texts.

//

2:02 AM Bad Poet

>sometimes I feel like too much

>and too little

>at the same time

>u ever feel like that ET?

<not really

>its like I’m infinite, and meaningless

>like a never ending echo

>or a recurring decimal

>I just stretch on and on forever but theres no point to it

>I have no depth

<youre not meaningless

<you’re a rhythm.

<like breathing

>…

>was that a regina spektor reference?

<it might have been

>I thought you didn’t listen to music?

<well someone said her lyrics were like poetry

<so I thought I would check out a few songs

>well fuck

>what did you think?

<she’s good

>you spelt ‘amazing’ wrong

<I still prefer poetry

>of course you do

Derek stared at the texts an ache filling his chest.

Derek was the opposite of infinite. Everything he touched turned to flames.

//

10:30AM Bad Poet

<my sister bought me flower seeds

>I didn’t know you had a sister?

<she’s everything I have

>oh

<and I think she’s trying to trick me into therapy somehow

>…with flower seeds?

<yes

>you sound extremely paranoid

>maybe therapy wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for you?

<shut up

>noted.

>keep me posted on how your gardening goes

>also

>as a side note

>you know you have me too right?

>if you ever need to talk or anything, I’m right here for you

<thanks

>anytime

//

On Derek’s birthday Laura insists the two of them spend the day together, and Derek knows better than to argue.

She buys him a cake and they spend hours sat next to one another silently. Two strangers desperately trying to keep hold of one another but with an ocean dividing them.

Once their family had been so alive.

And it was all Derek’s fault that was gone.

They both knew it.

Sometimes Derek wondered if Laura hated him as much as he did.

He was too scared to ask.

//

That night Derek chased the ache in his chest away with a drink.

And then several more followed.

//

1:14 AM Bad Poet

<seh haars me

>sorry bud, you’re going to have to try again

>try spell checking before hitting send

<she.hates mee

>who?

<larn

>are you drunk?

<yeh

<tyongs ndrf

*Out Going Call: Bad Poet*

The phone rings twice before being picked up. “Sorry. Stupid keyboard is so small. Impossible to type.” Derek mumbled, his words slightly muffled by his cheek being pressed into the sofa cushion.

“Wow. You’re really sloshed huh?”

“No.” Derek denied. “Just tipsy.”

“Right. So what was it you were trying to tell me? Someone hates you?”

“Laura.”

“Who’s Laura?”

“My sister.”

“Oh.”

“She looks at me like she wishes she could fix me.”

“That doesn’t sound like she hates you, bud.”

“She should. I can’t be fixed.”

“You’re right, because you’re not broken.”

Hearing Stiles say that Derek could almost believe it to be true.

“I mean it. You’re not broken. You’re just a different shape than you used to be. But the shape you are now is beautiful.”

Derek closes his eyes and lets the words wash over him. “Do you sing?” He finds himself asking.

“What?”

“I know you write songs, but do you ever sing?”

“Oh…” Stiles sounds uncomfortable. “I guess… Yeah. I do.”

Derek hummed in the back of his throat. “I bet you have a nice voice.”

“Th-thanks.”

Derek tried to say something else, but all that comes out is a yawn, which makes Stiles let out a jittery laugh.

Derek tries to memorise the sound of It, but it’s so fleeting, it’s already slipping away from him.

“I think you need to go sleep, ET.”

“Yeah.” Derek agrees.

“Goodnight bud.”

“Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“Could you stay on the phone? Just for a bit longer.” Derek clutched on to the phone like if he could grip tightly enough it would make Stiles stay.

I don’t want to be alone. The words die on Derek’s tongue.

“Sure.” Stiles didn’t hesitate. “Of course.”

“Thank you.”

Sleep pulled at Derek’s consciousness, unravelling his grip on reality.

“Stiles?”

Stiles hummed in answer.

“Your shape is beautiful too.”

A small whimper came from the other end of the phone. “Thanks.”

//

7:50 AM Bad Poet

>how are you feeling today?

<better

>good <3

Derek holds his phone tightly and wishes that he had more to say. Just to keep the conversation going.

He also wishes (not for the first time) that Stiles was more than a faceless entity on the other end of the phone.

But it’s the first time he feels the want like a physical ache in his chest.

Derek had never been good with words, but if Stiles was here in front of him Derek would probably give him a hug.

But everything Derek touches eventually dies, and a larger part of him is relieved for the distance.

//

Derek plants the seeds his sister got him that day.

//

9:48 PM Bad Poet

>would it totally weird you out if I wanted to do another phone call?

>don’t feel like you need to say yes

>I just enjoyed talking to you

>and hearing your voice

>ugh.

>why are words so hard?

<I wouldn’t be opposed to a phone call

*Incoming Call: Bad Poet*

“Hey.” Derek feels breathless as he answers the phone, anxious excitement clawing it’s way up his throat.

“Hey.” Stiles sounds equally out of breath, and that helps.

Derek chews on his lip, scrambling for something to say. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know.” Stiles admitted. “Anything.”

“Helpful.” Derek said sarcastically.

“I mean. There’s one thing. I didn’t want to ask when you were drunk because it felt a little like taking advantage. And I don’t want you to think you have to answer-”

“Stiles.” Derek interrupts before Stiles could break into a full blown ramble.

“Tell me your name.” Stiles breaks. “Please.”

Anxiety grips his heart. But… he couldn’t stay scared forever.

“It’s Derek.”

“Derek.” Stiles repeats his name in a reverent whisper, as if committing it to memory.

And hearing Stiles say his name makes everything worth it.

//

Phone calls become a regular thing between the two of them over the next month. Always between late in the evening and the early hours of the day.

//

The next time Derek spirals he doesn’t drink before he calls Stiles, but he does cry on the phone.

The next morning he wakes up to a text from Stiles.

6:42 AM Bad Poet

>you need to talk to your sister

And Derek knows he’s right.

//

It’s not easy confronting Laura. He has two separate anxiety attacks on the walk to her apartment alone.

But he forces himself to take the dive.

“It’s okay if you hate me.” He tells her, even though it’s not okay. Laura’s hate might be the only thing in the world that could break him beyond repair.

Laura looks horrified as she stares at him. “I don’t- Obviously I don’t hate you Derek.”

“It’s my fault that they’re gone.” Derek addresses the elephant in the room.

If he hadn’t fallen in love with Kate.

If he hadn’t broken up with her, just to try and prove a point when she refused to say ‘I love you’ back…

There never would have been a fire.

Their family would still be here if it wasn’t for him.

“Fuck that!” Laura let out a harsh noise. “Derek, none of this was ever your fault. You were a kid, and even if you weren’t… You never set the fire.”

“I might as well have.”

“No. If anyone… I was your big sister- am your big sister. But I was so fucking wrapped up in myself. I didn’t even know about Kate.”

The last time Derek had seen Laura cry it had been at the funeral, so it took a second to fully sink in what he was seeing.

He found himself crying to.

“I’m so sorry, Der.”

Derek stumbled forwards pulling Laura into a crushing hug. Laura hugs him back just as tight.

They spend hours refusing to let go of one another.

//

He realises he fell asleep on Laura’s sofa when he woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. But he had no idea where it was, and he was too tired to move.

He feels Laura moving and the sound of the phone ringing gets louder before cutting off abruptly.

“Hello?”

“No - Derek’s asleep.”

“Maybe call at a more reasonable time?”

“Who is this?”

“Your voice sounds familiar.”

“Right.”

“Okay. Bye.”

Derek let sleep over take him once more.

//

2:29 AM Bad Poet

>sorry for calling so late

>you’re asleep so I’ll just take to you tomorrow

//

9:07 AM Bad Poet

<sorry, I was really tried

>no worries man

>you’re allowed to have a life outside of me

<was something wrong?

>no I was just bored, and didn’t realise how late it had gotten

>im fine

>how are you?

<im good actually

<I spoke to Laura

>yeah?

>I’m proud of you

>how’d that go?

<we both cried

<a lot

<and I ended up falling asleep on her couch

>look at you, opening up and shit.

>think I might cry now

<shut up

>literally never

>better men have tried and failed to silence me

//

2:40 PM Laura

>Want to see a movie on Friday?

<sure

//

One night Stiles calls Derek just to say his name in stupid ways, and laugh himself stupid after each one.

“Duhreek.”

“Doreck.”

“Fuck. I’m getting a stitch from laughing.”

“You’re so fucking dumb.” Derek is smiling as he said it.

“Deeruk.” Stiles wheezes out.

Derek just closes hie eyes and listens.

“I’m so fucking glad I know you, Stiles.” The words fall out of Derek’s mouth without much thought.

He only realises the weight of his words when Stile’s laughter pulls to a stop.

“I uh-” Stiles stammered. “Me too. Fuck. You’re the best thing to happen to me in…so fucking long. I’m glad I know you too Derek.”

//

Derek finally admits to himself that night that he’d fallen at least a little in love with the stranger from the unknown number.

//

He keeps trying to draw Stiles, but he can’t. Vague shapes just don’t cut it anymore.

He wants to map Stiles out with his eyes and translate it onto the page.

He wants to be able to see the smile behind the laughter.

He wants.

//

1:58 AM Bad Poet

>do you think you day we’ll actually meet?

>maybe not intentionally

>maybe one day we’d pass each other in the streets and not even know

>maybe we already have

Derek couldn’t imagine a scenario where he wouldn’t notice Stiles.

<is there ever a moment when you’re not talking?

<I think id recognise your voice and know it was you

>maybe your face would make me speechless ;)

<I think id still know

<but if you want to be sure… I could send you a picture?

<of me

>dkfajd

>for reals?

>you would do that?

>you?

<well…not for free

>there’s always a catch

>what do you want?

>my soul?

>a blood debt?

>you can have whatever it is

<I meant you’d have to send me a picture too

<geez stiles

The next text takes an unnervingly long time to come through.

>I could do that

>a photo for a photo

>I kind of look like shit rn

>so no judging me

Derek spends the next two minutes fussing and fidgeting to take a good photo. No matter what angle he took it from the bags under his eyes were noticeable, and so was the week’s worth of stubble he had yet to shave off.

And maybe this was a terrible, awful, idea.

But Derek would send one hundred bad pictures if it meant getting to see one of Stiles.

He forced himself to press send on the last picture he took.

As he pressed send another photo came in.

Derek’s fingers shook as he hit the button to download the image.

His heart stopped.

Stiles was beautiful in every sense of the word, and Derek found himself unable to look away. Even when he heard the small dings of incoming messages.

But he couldn’t ignore them for long, because it was Stiles. And when ever Stiles messaged Derek had to answer.

>Fucking hell

>are you for real?

>you gave me a heart attack

>am I being catfished right now?

>when do you think you were going to tell me you’re the most fucking beautiful man to exist ever?

>how the hell to you look like that as 2AM!?

>Derek

>oh my god

>you gotta respond my dude because I’m freaking out a little bit

>still there?

>did my selfie scare you away?

>I would have tried harder for a nice photo if I knew I was talking to an adonis

>Derek?

<still here

>of thank fuck

>so…

<so?

>come on

>your going to give me a complex

>the selfie…was it okay?

>I know it’s not much

>but we can’t all be greek gods

<its beautiful

<you’re beautiful, stiles

>oh

>thanks

//

Derek is so far gone that he makes the picture of Stiles the home screen on his phone.

//

9:49 AM Bad Poet

<Laura wants me to meet her boyfriend

<this is all your fault

>how is this my fault?

<because she never wanted to introduce us before

<and then you got me to talk to my sister

<and now she wants me to meet him

>…and this is a bad thing?

<yes

>because?

<I don’t make good first impressions

<it’s going to be awkward

>yeah probably

<you’re not helpful

>I wasn’t trying to be ;)

>have fun, Derek!

//

Meeting Laura’s boyfriend wasn’t as awkward as Derek thought it was going to be. But it was strange.

Derek hadn’t been expecting to meet someone so soft and kind. He was nothing like any one that Laura had dated before.

But he also wasn’t used to seeing Laura smile as much as she did around him.

Maybe not all change was bad.

//

Derek tells Laura about Stiles by accident. Or more accurately he mentions Stiles once by accident (not even by name) and Laura had badgered him until he admitted that he had made a friend through a wrong number.

“There’s a lot of weirdos out there.”

“I know.”

God did Derek ever know.

But Stiles is different.

“Just…be careful.”

“I am being. I promise.”

Laura reluctantly lets it go after that. “So…what’s he like?”

“He’s…he’s like bad poetry.”

“Oh god. You’re in love with him aren’t you?”

Derek can’t bring himself to deny it, but he does tell Laura to shut up.

//

Derek fully embraces being in love with Stiles on the day he tells Stiles about his drawings. He’d never told anyone about them before - not even Laura. But telling Stiles had been easy.

‘It reminds me of line art’ Stiles had said when Derek had sent him a photo of the doodle he had been working on. “I love it’.

A warmth flutters through Derek’s veins.

//

It all goes sideways on the day Laura goes on Derek’s phone to check the time.

She’d raised one eyebrow at him looking amused.

“I thought you didn’t listen to music?” She said, a teasing note to her voice.

“I don’t.” Derek shrugged.

“A huh. So why do you have a picture of Stiles Stilinski as your wallpaper?” She asks.

It’s so startling to hear Stiles name coming out of Laura’s mouth that Derek’s brain refuses to function properly. “How do you know Stiles?” He asks weakly.

Laura laughs. “He’s not exactly a niche celebrity Der. He was a really famous YouTuber before he started selling albums.”

Derek doesn’t know what to say to that. He blinks as his world slowly unravels before him.

No.

She had to be wrong, because Derek couldn’t be in love with a celebrity. Stiles couldn’t be…

“Hey are you okay? You look really sick?”

“He’s famous?” His throat is dry.

“Yes? Are you okay? What’s wrong? You’ve got to speak to me Der. Use your words.”

Derek just shakes his head because he can’t.

“It’s him.” He manages to get out.

“What are you talking about?”

“Laura. It’s him.”

It takes a moment to click but Derek knows when it does because a look of thunderous wrath takes over Laura’s face.

“I’ll kill him.” She seethes, shaking with anger. “What kind of fucking punk thinks that this is a good prank to play?”

“What?”

“No one is getting away with catfishing you, Der. I’m going to hunt this fucker down, and then I’ll rip him so many new ones that he going to look like SpongeBob when I’m done with him.”

And god, Derek hadn’t even considered the thought that Stiles might not even be Stiles. The thought of Stiles being a liar…

The gape in his heart grows a little bit bigger.

And it all falls apart.

//

It takes hours before Derek can convince himself to confront Stiles.

11:08 PM Bad Poet

<you’re stiles stilinki

>fuck

(And yeah, it was really him).

>how did you find out?

<Laura

>I was going to tell you

<Were you?

>Yes

>I’ve wanted to for ages

>It just never felt like the right time to bring it up

<I wish you had decided on the right time was sooner

>Me too

>I’m sorry

>Please don’t hate me

Derek did not think it was possible for him to hate any part of Stiles.

<I don’t

>Thank fuck

>seriously

>can I call you?

<sure

Derek closed his eyes after sending the text and waited for Stiles to ring. A heartbeat later his ringtone sounded off.

“Hey.”

“You believe me right?” And Stiles sounds more frantic than Derek had ever heard him before.

“I believe you, Stiles.”

“Are you sure, because I can prove it if you want? I can do a video call? Or I can tweet literally anythi-”

“Stiles.”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

Stiles lets out a small whine, that reaches through the phone line and yanks at Derek’s already tattered heart, unraveling him just a little more.

“Meet me.” Stiles said, taking Derek by surprise.

“What?”

“Please. I meant to throw a please in there, I’m just really fucking nervous right now. Meet me please. In real life. I uh- I was going to ask when I finally told you about the whole being a celebrity thing. It’s still weird to say that out loud. That’s part of why it was so hard to tell you. But the point was you beat me to the punch with the whole reveal thing, but I still wanted to ask.”

“Stiles…”

“And it’s not that I was trying to use my influence or fame to pressure you into meeting me. I just wanted to be in a space where we were one hundred per cent honest with one another before I asked you. You can still say no. Of course you can, I don’t know why I’m- my point is I hope you don’t say no.”

Derek feels his heart break in two.

“Stiles…I can’t.”

“Oh.”

He hadn’t fully realised just how many worlds apart the two of them were when he had fallen in love with Stiles. It felt even more impossible than it had before.

“I’m sorry.” The words leave him feeling hollow.

“No. Don’t apologise. This is just me getting carried away. It’s okay.”

I love you. The words never leave Derek. They can’t leave him.

There was no way this could work, and he was far too scared of breaking the tentative connection they had with his useless words.

It was better for him to just… fall out of love.

//

6:17AM Laura

<it’s really him

>are you sure

<I’m sure

>what are you going to do?

<nothing

>Derek you’re in love with him

<I’m aware

<it doesn’t matter

<it wouldn’t ever work

>I’m sorry

<don’t be

<I’m going to be fine

>Im coming over with wine

//

That night Derek fills pages and pages of his notebook with drawings of Stiles.

When he gets a message from Stiles at 11PM- for the first time since they started messaging- Derek leaves it unopened.

//

He never ignores a message again after that, and life moves on. Stiles still messages him all the time, but he never asks to call anymore.

Derek misses his voice so much that he goes onto youtube and listens to his music.

He buys all three albums Stiles released and it still doesn’t feel like enough.

//

He fills an entire notebook with doodles of Stiles.

It’s still not enough.

//

1:11 PM Bad Poet

>I wrote you a song

>I know you don’t listen to music

>but it felt weird to not a least send you a link

>bad poetry at 2:00am

The link leads Derek to a youtube video of Stiles holding a ukulele and staring with a soft smile at the camera.

“Hey guys. It’s been a while, huh? But I guess I finally found inspiration. So here we go.”

The song is beautiful, but even more beautiful than that was Stiles.

When the song reached the end Derek doesn’t hesitate to hit replay.

He listens to the song ten times before he realises he’s crying - and he knows that he’s never going to ‘get over’ Stiles because he doesn’t want to.

//

3:00 PM Laura

>have you seen the video?

<he sent me a link

<he wrote a song for me Laura

<I love him so fucking much and he wrote a song for me

>fuck

<what do I do?

>what do you want to do?

<I don’t know

>I think you should look at his twitter

<?

>I wasn’t going to say anything because you said you wanted to get over him

>but I think you need to see it

>@stilesstilinki

//

@stilesstilinski

I want to hug him

@stilesstilinski

Get you a guy that will stay up with you until 4AM talking about literally anything

@stilesstilinski

Why do I alway fall for people so far out of my league? rip me I guess.

@stilesstilinski

He makes me want to write poetry

Derek spends hours scrolling through Stiles’ twitter.

He scrolls far enough back that he gets to the part of his timeline where his twitter is littered with pictures of Lydia, which causes the ache in Derek’s chest to grow. But he can’t stop looking because Stiles looks so happy.

And Derek falls impossibly more in love.

He lets himself acknowledge for the first time that Stiles might love him back.

And everything else?

It’s worth it.

Because Stiles is worth everything to Derek.

//

2:00 AM Bad Poet

<so I looked at your twitter

>fuck.

>how much did you see?

<all of it

>tight

>please excuse me while I go die now

>bye

<don’t leave yet

<I had something I wanted to ask you

>did you want me to delete the tweets?

>I can do that

>I’ll just delete the whole account

>I am my own worst enemy so this won’t be a problem

>actually Jackson Whittemore is my worst enemy

>but I’m a close second

<stiles?

>yup?

<Will you go on a date with me?

>alkdjf

>yes?

>Ofc yes?

>are you being serious?

>because this would be a cruel prank if you’re not serious

<I’m serious

>yes.

>yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.

>holy shit

>theres no fucking universe where I say ‘no’ to that question from you

>im so fucking in love with you

>is it too soon to say that?

>I don’t even care

>I’m speaking my truth

>you obviously don’t have to say it back

>im going to woo you so hard Derek

>you’ll have to love me back eventually

>I’m going to write you poetry

>hell I’ll even read poetry for you

>ill give the whole fucking moon to you

<why would I want the moon?

<im not gru?

>despicable me

>that was a despicable me reference.

>you don’t listen to music, but you watch despicable me?

>you’re such an enigma to me Derek

>god I love you so much

<stiles?

>too much?

<no

<I don’t think I could ever have too much of you

<I love you too stiles

<so much

<I just don’t want you to get your hopes up

<I might not be able to live up to it in real life

>impossible

<seriously stiles

>I am being serious

>I’m already in love with you Der

>you don’t have to do anything more than you’ve already done

>you could wear a potato sack, and spend the whole night not saying anything at all

>and I would still be in love with you

>all you have to do now is show up

<…I can do that

>perfect

//

TWO YEARS LATER

@stilesstilinski

Hey @JacksonWhittemore, remember when you told me I would die alone? Well I just got engaged to the love of my life. So checkmate fucker.

[acefrogmonarch]

Headcanons

It’s very specific to my own story but if it inspires you in some way, then I’m glad it came in handy

Best friends Adrien and Mari

Diana hearing tales of Ladybug or Lady Luck. Her mother not telling her that she is Lady Luck.

Marinette not minding if she died in her sleep, Alya gets very worried. “It’s peaceful, no pain, no fear, just tranquility. This just makes Alya feel more guilty for not being there.

Damian really wants to test Mari, ever since that video and since she threatened him.

after getting to know Marinette better, Damian calls her beautiful and other compliments in Arabic. like my flower, and my radiant sun.

Marinette thinks its teasing until one day she sees the way how he says it and how soft he looks. She allows herself to fall deeper in love.

She and Adrien have revealed and tried to date but both ended up not making each other happy or content.

late hour talks about things, embarrassing stuff they share and confirming each other’s disappearance for peers. Gets very complicated once JL gets in to help. Year 3 they reveal. Year 6, it ends. Hawkmoth is gone.

everyone thinks they are dating, in reality, they’re just best friends and not even Alya knows how much they’ve shared

Mayura/Natalie is showing up less and less but always makes a great senti monster when it counts

Damian keeps his guards up around Marinette and her friends when they meet as civilians

Marinette is worried that it’s another guy asking to see her throat so before Damian even speaks she threatens him to keep shut about it unless he wants a beating.

it’s said that Damian was smitten by that point.

the same issue arises when she gets another injury after her throat is no longer red and raw. The new ones are on her ribs and chest.

its date night for them and a group of guys start asking to see her ‘battle scar’ and dramatically shows them.

Because they recognize her from the news. And you know assholes.

Or or. She tells off about how this isn’t some sideshow and no matter how ugly a scar it tells their trauma and story. both at the same time.

Alya, Jason, and dick were tailing them because it’s their second date and no one has any idea where their first one was.

(Raven helped Damian set up the first one.)

They record every moment.

sometimes when its bad Mari gets claustrophobic but is very subtle about her panic. she scratches one of her main arteries that run up and down on her neck, she does it subconsciously, once one side is hurting she moves onto the other one.

Damian caught her one time and she’s like what? she pulls away and the panic sets again and she’s resisting the urge to just scratch harder, so she settles for twiddling her thumbs.

Mari has ADHD, it’s mellowed a lot since childhood. Insomnia plays in on that and she hates not moving, its hero instinct and her nature.

tt

Nino’s the kind to go with the flow kind but he sees this rift that Lila makes and just disappears

Alya always notices so she goes finds him

Now it’s a test to see if she doesn’t do it one day that he knows shes changed

Nino doesn’t know what to do he has to be adult about it, he tells Alya but is rejected, saying that “he just always go with the flow and sometimes he has to go with his flow

so he takes a break on Alya and says he’s going to further his career before Alya can even figure out who she is.

and Alya is just really confused because she knows who she is and is mad at Nino. Nino never felt more relieved when they finally got back together after the whole Incident ™.

Risk (the bat fam find out the hard way to never ask Mari to a game)

Bruce and Tim went head to head with Mari and almost won (After they were scared to death)

Tim was with some of Mari’s friends and it was game night, they were naive then. Tim started listing off board games and Nino tries to stop him before he says the name "ris-”

Max starts to panic, “He got to s, HE GOT TO S!!” they try to calm him down.

Mari knocks on the door once and they turn to look and It’s her and they are freaking the fuck out.

Damian says one moment they were together and then disappeared in the next.

They were on the other side of the city, it was a 40-minute drive out.

Alfred doesn’t know how she came in, neither does bruce. The cameras caught nothing; no glitches, no loops she was just found their one moment.

Nooroo is passed to Lila but they capture the peacock and its cure, but Emilie not so much. Gabrial calls his apprentice to be Natalie.

Mari asks if Lila had something to do with this.

Dami witness Maris worst and best, as both her and ladybug, vice versa

She does come to terms about how one is not without the other, she learns this from Damian “I am an Al Ghul, a Wayne and a Robin, but goddamnit Mari I’m mother fucking Damian first.”

its the first time he’s yelled at her, she takes it to heart, she was smitten

they court for the longest fucking time. Its 4 years after they unofficial court and he proposes in the middle of a fight they are both smitten for each other.

once the Adrien crush is gone she gives him all his premade presents and makes the chest her fabric chest.

D: “MARINETTE DUPAIN-CHENG WE LIVE IN A MANSION WHY ARE YOU EATING CEREAL OUT OF A PLASTIC TABLEWARE”

M: “YOU ATE CEREAL WITH A FORK BEFORE AND YOU DON’T SEE ME COMPLAINING”

Tim is the only one to point out what happened to the bowls, Alfred no longer questions it.

Running to where Marinette is, he exposed her. “I KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO THE BOWLS MARI”

Mari slurps up cereal out of plastic tableware for a long time they lock eyes. Very quietly she whispers. “Tikki” “Spots on.” And yeets outta the window.

She calls Damian later after a couple of hours. “Is it okay to come home.” Damian is cackling. “I don’t know what you did to make Tim mad but I love it.”

“At the expense of Tim, I’ll take it.” It’s the first time he’s ever remotely said the L-word.

Tim: Did you just give me your leftover food? Jason: “Yeah” T: What am I? Your second-hand bitch? J: no you’re my main bitch T: Wait then that means you have other bitches J: what you think I’m a one hoe pimp?

Mini Ladd Memes

T: “You wanna see my penis.” crouched like a gremlin and moving towards. Marinette IMMEDIATELY turning to Tim. “SVEBE!” Damian looking at the two in disgust. “Disgusting”

The two look in shock and can’t stop laughing because they have no idea if he actually knows what they're talking about but neither answers him when he asks why they laugh now.

Bruce has caught Tim and Mari going “MMMMMMMMM” and T posing to each other. Mari goes red and super embarrassed about it, Tim never lets her forget. Its called “coming out to dad” between the two.

Nino doesn’t want to touch this and he won’t.

“Leave my eight-foot-tall son alone,” Marinette says this as Tim is perched on the bat computer. They chuckle and try to get through the bit but can’t stop laughing.

“robin an actual robin, go my vegan birdy.” Drunk Mari at some point. like shes 18 and can drink

Other stuff

(shared on the maribat discord) Sometimes when Marinette picks something up, something behind her away falls onto the floor. “Mom, it happened again.” It’s the same object but somewhere else. Picks up her pencil and a random pencil rolls down to her feet.

At one point Tim dared Marinette to pick someone up from the Bat fam. Before she even attempts to pick up Damian, she asked everyone to gather. Once that was done, she let out a big “Sorry!” and picks up Damian.

Tim ate shit, the rest of batfam have no clue what happened

Tikki says its the balance from her luck from being Ladybug. She later notices that she’s not as clumsy as before, Damian says it's her confidence showing and they share a moment

Damian to Marinette at some point. “Stop taking pictures of my food Mari”

[olderthannetfic]

The Cost of Warnings

I see the “CNTW is evil” debate is going around again. I agree with the usual pro-CNTW arguments, like those laid out by @road-rhythm here.

My big picture summary is that we wrote the AO3 rules to be pretty good for a lot of people. We did not write them to be perfect for anyone, much less everyone.

Like that other post mentions, compromise is both desirable and inevitable.

There are a few points that I feel routinely get left out by people who hate CNTW. The big ones are these:

1. Warning as Genre

First, warnings don’t just tell you what’s in the story. They imply quite a lot about how that thing is. ‘Noncon’ tends to imply a standard rape recovery fic where the bottom is traumatized. It doesn’t literally mean that and it doesn’t have to mean that, but this is what it generally does mean in fandom.

I write fluffy fics, making the warning tonally dissonant. I also tend to write fics where the "aggressor” is the one who is traumatized.

I tag fics with whatever more specific tags I think are relevant like ‘Consensual Snuff’ + ‘Under-negotiated Kink’ on a Deadpool fic where Deadpool is totally fine with what’s going on, but Cable is freaking the fuck out. Frankly, I do think there’s a bunch of noncon in that fic, but it’s all the top getting mindfucked and the bottom not understanding boundaries.

In fact, the majority of my CNTW fics are that:

Jeeves freaks out about his badwrong sadistic tendencies. Bertie is cheerfully enthusiastic. Bad guys made them do it.

Crowley goes all feral on Aziraphale. Only afterwards, while Crowley is freaking out, is it revealed that he was set up to hurt him by the villains. Pity for them Aziraphale is too kinky to torture.

Connor mindfucks Gavin Reed into topping.

Hooker steals a drugged drink to save Gondorff, then finds himself hired as a... well... hooker, while too doped to stand on his own. Not that he’s complaining.

Alejandro arrives in search of violent revenge. This is straight up Too Kinky To Torture fic.

Illya’s been drugged and is feeling violent. Napoleon doesn’t mind at all but doesn’t bother to say so. Illya misreads the situation.

Comedic were-jaguar noncon bestiality where Jensen is like “Get him off me” and Aisha is like “Do you want me to shoot him? What am I supposed to do here?”

Et cetera.

2. The Purpose of Fic

So why don’t I just give detailed warnings on the fics themselves then?

It’s simple: these fics have plots, and I want you to have emotions while reading them, but... they’re also porn.

They are porn for you to masturbate to.

I find detailed author’s notes about the exact flavor of noncon or dubcon in a fic to be a gigantic lady-boner-killer. x100 if there’s any note of any kind like “This would be bad in real life”. PSAs are a mood-killer for me, both as a writer and as a reader. Not everyone is like this, but I am far from alone.

I’m certainly not going to clutter up my porn with things that ruin the entire point of the fic.

3. Different Media Types

I also have a bunch of stuff labeled ‘CNTW’ that is vids or very old fic.

The reality of AO3 is that it contains more than just fic. For some other media types, I’m not always sure where the line on ‘graphic violence’ is. Or maybe I’m vidding a source that had noncon, but it’s not totally clear in the vid. Or maybe the source had no noncon, but I feel the vid might strike an unfamiliar viewer as though it did.

“Depicted on page” and “depicted on screen” are different. A text description of an overwhelmed, overstimulated character crying often won’t read as noncon where a drawing of the same thing will. “Graphic violence” in text has to be a lot more violent to count than “graphic violence” in live action footage.

CNTW can bridge that gap in expectations between different media types without forcing a warning one finds inappropriate onto an artwork.

4. Historical Preservation

AO3 also has a lot of older, imported work. I have some stories that are either kind of long or in fandoms I now dislike. I have stories I find embarrassing to reread. Some people have hundreds and hundreds of stories to import. AO3 imports whole archives. Even people who prefer to give specific warnings sometimes just don’t have the time.

From a historical preservation perspective, it is crucial to be able to get works onto AO3 without needing to spend an age labeling them. CNTW is a convenient way to do that.

If we had no CNTW, we would save fewer historical fics.

5. The Burden of Labeling

This is the big one for me.

Labeling takes time and thought. You can rail forever about how important it is, but you won’t change that fact.

Sometimes, when I’m feeling blocked, I go write for a kink meme. I never write for ones with elaborate labeling requirements because the whole point is to let the nasty flow, posting as fast as possible.

If I have to stop to think about labels, it inhibits my creativity.

Yeah, you can hate that. Yeah, you can think that a hypothetical stranger’s triggers are more important. You won’t change the fact that:

I genuinely find it inhibiting.

It’s not something I made up as a gotcha: it’s my actual experience as a writer. Just like we would save fewer historical fics if the burden of labeling were higher, we would have fewer off-the-cuff fics. I would also get around to posting fewer of my vids.

Often, I’ll post a kink meme fill or a vid with almost no labeling at first, just to get it up on AO3. Later, when I’m feeling more analytical, I’ll come back and fill out more complete information. (In fact, some of those CNTW vids I just scrolled through could probably use a more specific label... I guess now is that “later”...)

Fanworks are not a professional project. There isn’t an intern in charge of writing blurbs or adding metadata. It’s the main creative person doing their thing alone in the time they have.

Sometimes, asking for more labeling is asking them not to post at all.

[lucy-sky]

Headcanon meme - Ezra (Prospect, 2018)

Um… This has been in my drafts for like... a week already. Ages ago I reblogged this Headcanon meme but I got zero asks. So, being in the mood for headcanons and slightly obsessed with Prospect I just started randomly writing them about Ezra. Somehow I ended up writing the whole meme. Not sure if anyone would be interested to read these, but since I finally got to clean up my drafts, here we go. 

No warnings, gif by me (credit if use please)

☾ - sleep headcanon

With his tough life Ezra doesn’t often have a luxury to sleep in a comfortable bed, but he’s got this superpower to sleep anywhere, anytime, in any position. He doesn’t have problems with getting up early, but he’s still usually a bit grumpy in the mornings.

★ - sad headcanon

Ezra does not often allow sad and depressive thoughts to consume him. In fact, his incredible optimism and confidence that it’ll work out somehow and everything will be okay in the end, even if you have to go through a lot of crap before it happens, always helped him to survive even the most dangerous situations. But of course he’s only human, and he can be gloomy too. He has regrets as well, but he refuses to focus on sad stuff, because he knows very well - in the world he lives, there’s no time for whining. Once you give up - you’re dead. 

☆ - happy headcanon

When Ezra is happy, he smiles a lot. Yes, he is mostly talkative, but sometimes he’s just quiet and has this soft and content smile on his face with a lot of warmth behind it. These are rare occasions, that’s why they’re always so precious.

☠ - angry/violent headcanon

He’s not naturally violent. If there’s a possibility to settle the matter peacefully, he’d rather try it. But if someone threatens him or his loved ones - he will fight back without hesitation.

Ezra is never violent just for the sake of violence, he doesn’t find joy in it. Unfortunately sometimes he has no choice.

Ezra is capable for murder. He happened to kill, but he’s not proud of that. It’s more like a burden he has to live with, but he accepted it, because… That’s just life. Basically his life motto is what’s done is done, so what’s the point in torturing yourself about something that cannot be changed.

Generally Ezra is very reasonable, but when he’s angry he may become poisonous and say things that can hurt, or be brutally honest and tell someone the truth they don’t really want to hear. 

✿ - Sex headcanon

I mean… this guy is full of big dick energy, so yeah… Sex with him is mostly rough and passionate. Sloppy kisses, kneading and biting, sex against the wall - all this is about him. On the other hand, he can be gentle too. You’d be surprised how tender he actually can be in contrast with his tough guy appearance and demeanor. He’s not selfish in bed, and if he’s got real feelings for someone, he becomes pretty soft and caring, making sure you’re comfortable and feel good. He doesn’t often have much time to enjoy the intimacy without hurry, but when he does, he uses this time to the fullest. 

Ezra is quite experienced - he’s an attractive man and has a charm, so it’s not that hard for him to get a girl into bed. For sure he had just casual sex not once and not even twice… Mostly when he was a bit younger though. But when it comes to love and affection - it’s way more complicated. That’s why he really appreciates it. So even if your encounter was rough, you can always count on a soft kiss or cuddle afterwards. There are times when all he wants is just to hold you and feel your warmth.

■ -  Bedroom/house/living quarters headcanon

He’s mostly on the road and seldom has an opportunity to settle for a while. Once he does, his living quarters are quite messy. He usually doesn’t bother himself with folding his clothes or making the bed. Thankfully he doesn’t have many belongings, they all fit into his backpack so he has no problems finding what he needs. 

♡ - romantic headcanon

In the world where Ezra lives, not many people have the luxury of being romantic. Even a simple trust is a gift which is not that easy to gain. Ezra appreciates this gift though, he’s been lonely for quite a while, even without completely realizing it, even among people. So, even more than being with his love interest physically, he cherishes emotional closeness. 

Yes, there’s no time and place for romance in this world, but Ezra always finds ways to show his affection, either it’s holding hands, soft looks and touches during the rare moments of intimacy, or being protective of his loved one.

♥ - family headcanon

Ezra’s life is a constant fight and one adventure after another. Deep inside this tough guy really needs to care for someone, but he never seriously thought about settling down and starting a family of his own.

☮ - friendship headcanon

To be honest, real friendship is not a very common thing in Ezra’s surroundings. It’s not always safe to trust people here. There are some people Ezra can work/deal with, but as for the REAL friends - he doesn’t have many. And maybe that’s why he cherishes them. As well as with his love interest, with his friends Ezra is loyal and protective.

♦ - quirks/hobbies headcanon

Secretly, Ezra really likes to read. He’d certainly do that more often if he had time.

Sometimes when he teams up with a few people for work, he doesn’t mind playing cards with them. He’s really good at bluffing.

☯ - likes/dislikes headcanon

Ezra likes smart people. Physical beauty is attractive for sure, but this kind of attraction doesn’t last that long. Yep, brains and wit are really important for this man. If you’re arguing with him, he may look not very pleased, but secretly he loves that too. If the partner agrees with his every word it, he can get bored pretty soon.

Ezra likes to talk, especially after he’s been alone for quite a while. It can even be a bit annoying at times.

Ezra likes it when you run your fingers through his hair. This soft intimate gesture makes him melt.

Ezra is mostly a man of his word, so he dislikes it when people fail to keep their promises.

▼ - childhood headcanon

For some reason Ezra doesn’t remember his childhood very well. His parents were far from being wealthy, and they were mostly occupied with how to earn money to pay the debts rather than paying attention to him. He lost them in his teens when they went for another risky job. He used to hang out with some shady guys and even was involved into some stuff. He learnt lots of survival lessons at quite a young age, but he doesn’t complain. In the end it only made him stronger.

∇ - old age/aging headcanon

Oh that’s funny. For some reason I seldom think about my favorite characters getting old. But I think Ezra could be a really funny grandpa. I think he’s got these protective instincts that would make him a good dad, so I think it’s possible for him to have children in the future, and then grandchildren. And I’m pretty sure they would adore listening to the stories about the adventures of his past :)

♒ - cooking/food headcanon

Ezra is absolutely not picky about what he eats. Food is just fuel for him. So, snacks, protein/chocolate bars and so on. If he lived in our realities, he’d be a fast food kind of person for sure. I’m also not sure if there’s coffee in Ezra’s world, but if there was - he’d totally drink a lot of it.

☼ - appearance headcanon

He doesn’t care much about appearance, mostly because he just has no time for it. But if he fell for you and wants to make good impression, he could trim his beard or even shave though :)

Ezra is not sure where he got this blond streak of his hair; he thinks it’s either some kind of a natural mutation, or something happened to him when he was a kid. Anyway, he has it from quite an early age.  

ൠ - random headcanon

When he was young, about 18 years old, Ezra got into jail for some… Not very legal business he was doing with a bunch of “friends”. He was the youngest and the less experienced among them, so they managed to get away with it, and he didn’t. In jail, there was one older man, and Ezra really admired his way of speaking. When some bold dudes tried to bully him, he could say something so fancy in reply sometimes that they just stared at him in confusion, trying to figure out if he offended them or not. Ezra found it hilarious. From this man he learnt that words can also be a weapon or just a really helpful tool to achieve what you want.

This was my headcanon about where Ezra got his unusual manner of speech :)

◉ - Any other question of your choosing

Ezra has a habit to give nickmames to people he hangs out with. He can often call you “sweetheart”, “little bird”, “darlin’” or something like that. He does this somehow so naturally that even if you’re not a fan of pet names it sounds cute. 

***

Thanks for reading! 

I might write one more fic about this character but only after I’m done with 2 Rockwell characters fics I’m currently working on :’)

[patriciahaefeli]

A Cautionary Tale? A Love Story? You Decide

It's been one of those rollercoaster weeks, one that began with a great deal of pain, which I tried to ignore at first, so as not to ruin my 17- year old’s already Corona-compromised birthday party. At some point during our 5 p.m. family Zoom celebration, I quietly left the room and went upstairs to lie down, writhe in pain, get back up, bend over, moan, repeat. This continued through the night Monday – and at one point, I remember thinking that labor wasn’t this bad and that I should probably go to the emergency room. In this new world we’re in, that thought was quickly dismissed by one word: COVID. I paced the floor at 3 a.m., alternately moaning and then bopping my head and sort of softly singing what kept running through my head, which was the chorus of The Knack’s 1979 hit song, “My Sharona.” Only my version went “My Corona.” Yes, even while suffering, I’m clever that way. 

By Tuesday morning the pain had subsided. I was exhausted however, and slept throughout the day. “Tricia! Drink this! Jesus, she’s burning up.” It was the alarm in my husband’s voice that I responded to more than the command. I sat up, drank the water he was holding out to me, and when I caught my reflection in the mirror over the dresser I had the brief, feverously detached impression of someone who’d sat under a sun lamp for too long. Sun lamp, the words made me almost giggle out loud. Sun-lamp, sun-lamp, sun-lamp…Does anyone even know what that is anymore? A few hours later I had a virtual appointment with my regular GP, during which the decision was made for me to go to the office first thing Wednesday for a full exam. My instructions (my fever-addled brain again added the words “should I choose to accept them” - hehehe), for entering the building would come in the form a text. 

My office exam was efficient and thorough. Upon arrival, I called the office and someone met me at a side door. As we were both masked and gloved, we nodded and murmured muffled greetings. Two PAs and an MD palpated my tender abdomen while I stifled screams. They decided that I should have a C-T scan that day, with the expectation that the offending culprit was a kidney stone. As many radiology facilities are currently closed, it took a few hours for them to locate one that would take me. My scan took place at 4:30. I was the last patient of their day. 

 Fast forward to 6:30 p.m. Wednesday evening. I picked up the call, which was remarkable in itself because anyone who knows me knows how irritating it is that, a) my phone is always on silent mode, and, b) I rarely answer numbers I don’t recognize. It was another doctor from Vanguard, calling to let me know that my C-T scan showed no evidence of kidney stones – “Yay!” BUT, he cut in, it did show acute appendicitis. What I needed to do, he said, was to go directly to the nearest ER. 

So here’s where this story really begins, because I was about to get a reality check regarding the difference between the inconveniences of “social distancing” and quite literally, matters of life and death. For those of us who are shuffling around at home in our sweatpants, eating too much, complaining about the buffoonery of our President, laughing at all the funny memes, and who are, to one degree or another, COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to the fact that health care workers do not have the luxury of ANY of that, here’s the newsflash: The Corona virus has virtually SHUT down normal operations for hospitals and surgical facilities, so if you’re also laughing in the face of social-distancing guidelines, and just can’t wrap your head around the possibility of contracting this deadly disease, know this too: If you break your arm, or your spouse has a heart attack, or your child’s strange rash won’t go away and you’re just really concerned, good luck. We are NOT in Kansas anymore, peeps. 

 I considered doing a bit of a negative a rant on the first hospital that I went to here, but perhaps that wouldn’t be fair. “The nearest ER” for me would have been another hospital, but due to their somewhat dubious reputation, we opted to go just a bit farther away. The best thing I can say about that experience was that the safety protocols to enter the ER were impressive. Picture the scene in E.T. where the Hazmat-suited guys from the space program find out about him and “invade” the house in a tunnel of white - then picture the people standing six feet apart outside of say, ShopRite, only these people don’t look so great. They’re kind of bent over, or swaying, or leaning on someone else. Then count your blessings that your gut hurts and you’re not bleeding out…or struggling to breathe. 

Three hours later, after they’d reviewed my scans and completed all of the necessary pre-op tests (blood work, EKG, urine analysis), I got the word that most of the ORs were being used as ICUs for COVID patients, and they were only doing “emergent” surgeries. They sent me home with massive doses of antibiotics, and a referral to see their staff general surgeon - outpatient. 

I figured they were right, too. Must not be very serious. I was doing well with that notion until the following morning, when I heard the barely concealed shock in the voice of my regular MD.  

“Did they see your scans?” his tone serving only to increase my anxiety. 

 “Yeah. But my appendix hasn’t exploded yet.” I said. 

 “Ah,” he sighed, “I know things are being handled differently in the ‘current environment,’ but last time I checked, acute appendicitis was emergent.” 

Okay, pay attention now, because here’s where it gets really interesting: See if you can answer his parting questions: 

 “Do you have a general surgeon? Preferably one with their own facility?” 

 So, do you? And if you do, are you sure they’re even open right now? I sure as hell didn’t (and the name they gave me at the hospital turned out to be for a doctor whose answering machine told me he was not seeing new patients). And the idea that it was now pretty much my problem to solve was a little intimidating – especially for someone who generally needs to be told that they’re sick (enough) or in (enough) pain to seek help—but that’s another story. Now that doctor, who I respect and like a lot, said he’d be trying to find me one, but that I should do my research as well. 

 My husband and I made a fairly long list of people/places to call, and split it. Those we were able to reach at all offered possible solutions to my dilemma, but each dead-ended pretty quickly. I focused on the task now, trying to ignore what it might mean that the ache in my belly seemed to be spreading down my right leg. 

As of this writing, I have yet to hear back from my regular GP and yet, here I sit, post-op, able to get this down mostly because of a Facebook message I sent to one of the nurses in the Belleville Public School district. The only real help I got came from her, a nurse, who responded immediately to an “in-boxed” message, and kept responding for the next hour, sending me the names and phone numbers of doctors (sometimes with their credentials!), links to possible facilities, and words of encouragement. She gave me her personal cell phone number and encouraged me to call it if I had questions and/or to let her know how it was going. I felt like she meant it, too. I also think she was responsible for the first in a series of serendipitous events that just may have saved my life. One of the names she gave me turned out to be the dad of one of my kid’s friends. 

 At that point, things happened pretty quickly. I called him (at home) and told him my situation. In a matter of 20 minutes, he had my scans and had booked  a time slot for me for same-day surgery at Clara Maass. He’s a high-energy, outgoing kind of guy, and although I’d stood on sidelines with him and his lovely wife at many a sports event, I don’t know him well enough, nor did I think it was appropriate to laugh out loud when he laid out the plan: “With everything going on, I just really want to do you – and get you the hell out of there!” 

So here I am, more grateful to him than I can possibly express and having some time to consider just how random and crazy and dangerous that whole situation was (turns out, my appendix had begun to perforate after all, and the real fun was just beginning) and how fortunate I am. 

 But the real heroes here - Oh, and God, aren’t we all a little sick of the “hero” thing? – well get over it, and listen up! From the minute I walked through the door of Clara Maass yesterday, my experience was the best it could possibly have been. The nurses! OMG the nurses - I was in pre-op for hours. Lucky as I was to have been squeezed in to an already crowded surgical schedule, the truth of the matter was that my presence had required a quick shifting of resources—stretchers and space and - nurses. My sudden appearance in the queue was inconvenient, possibly even annoying. And yet all of them, including the nurse who ran the OR, came by to check on me, to give me extra blankets, to chat with me, and laugh with me. A friend’s daughter-in-law, who is a nurse there, got a text from him and even she came from three floors below just to say hello and charm me with her Australian accent and tired-but-twinkling blue eyes. I swear, for me? The whole experience was a cross between a weirdly sterile spa stay, and – as mine all happened to be women - a girls’ sleepover with your best girlfriends—only these were women I'd just met (but they’d also pretty much seen me naked, so, there’s that…). 

Most of them were nearing the end of a 12-hour shift. As I lay there, relaxed and warm, reading and texting, they race-walked back and forth among those of us who waited, or were recovering. I lost count of how many times one of them asked me if I was okay, or if I needed something. They ate their dinners on the move, taking bites and then sprinting off, tearing off one set of gloves, putting on another. These people Do. Not. Sit. The sink was right near my bed, so I saw a lot of hand-washing traffic too, and a lot of red, chapped, over-sanitized hands. They spoke in soothing voices to those who were waiting, and possibly scared, and loud-enough voices for those emerging from the cloud of anesthesia to understand. Sometimes they shouted good-natured complaints to one another, or teased one another – and me, as when one started repacking those bags they give you for your clothes, amusement in her voice as she yelled, “What the hell did you do here, shove it all in like a little kid? Your purse is open – Maria, come over here and see this – she’s a mess!” Hahahaha! One came by and pointed to the cover of the book I was reading entitled “The Silent Patient”, and joked “That’s the kind we like!” 

I even began to wonder if what I was getting was “special treatment” reserved for those whose surgeries were personally called-in by the surgeon. Once he arrived, however, it was clear that not only did they not know he was the one who got me in, but they chided him in the same affectionate way. At a point, I said to one of them, “Doctors think they’re all that, but nurses really run the show don’t they?” She winked at me and elbowed me a little, “Like husbands, honey – they just think they’re in charge!” 

I lounged, for over four hours while they stood on what had to be tired feet, hands on hips as they talked to me, telling me which part of the hospital they’d spent the morning in, or where they were headed next in this crazy, all-hands-on-deck environment. We chatted about jobs and kids, and only when the topic of this deadly disease came up did the lack of words become conspicuous. Then it was all a mime of sad shakes of the head and downward glances. 

It occurs to me today that after all of this, I'm not sure I would recognize any of them tomorrow if I saw them on street – nor they me. Of course, we were all masked. But maybe I would – if I could see their eyes again. And I'm not exaggerating when I say that most of all, those eyes conveyed a profound kindness. And laughter, and concern, and compassion, and dedication—and a toughness that allows them to do it all. 

I'll tell you a secret: I am a person who often has a weird response to unexpected kindness - it makes me cry. I welled up more than once yesterday afternoon. I may have been just one of many for them – this is just what they do - but for me, a bond was made. I will always remember them. 

Make no mistake: it’s no hardship to be home in your sweatpants with your gel manicure looking a little ratchet, and your spouse and kids seeming more like houseguests who have overstayed their welcome. Today, I want you to feel really, really blessed and grateful, and if you’re like me, a generally healthy person who never really gave too much thought to the job that these people do, I hope I was able to convey just a little of it. 

That school nurse who rescued me put it this way: “I took an oath when I graduated just as physicians do. I have followed it for 28 years and it has never let me or my patients down.” That whole oath thing is good and important and all, but the heart behind it gives it grace. 

So, if you get an invitation to do one of those car processions where you beep your horn and cheer for the local health care workers as they go in to, or leave, work– get in your car and go. Or, just mail them each a check for a million dollars. Either way.

[loyolahcmass]

Homily on Tiger King

This week Fr. Rossi will be talking about the show Tiger King! Here is the preview of his homily: 

The “Tiger King” Dethroned “I don’t think we’re done blowing s--- up today.”                                                         Joe Exotic Last month, the most-watched show in America was a seven-part documentary series about a gay, polygamous zoo owner in Oklahoma. Joseph Maldonado-Passage (“Joe Exotic”), breeds tigers, commissions and stars in his own country-music videos and presides over what he describes as “my little cult” of drifters and much younger men. To top it off, he ran for governor of Oklahoma in 2018 on a libertarian platform. He’s also currently serving a 22-year prison sentence for, among other charges, trying to arrange the assassination of his nemesis, an animal-sanctuary owner in Florida. __________ There are no heroes in the Tiger King saga. “Nobody wins,” as one character says. Not Joe Exotic, with his stripy mullet and blue-green sequined jacket. Not Carole Baskin, the owner of a Florida sanctuary for big cats, who Tiger King insinuates—in a strikingly un-journalistic way—might have killed her husband. And definitely not Eric Goode, the New York animal-rights activist who co-directed the series, and whose disdain for the dentally-challenged and leopard-print characters is abundantly apparent. __________ And yet Tiger King still consumes the pop-cultural imagination a month after its last episode. It’s the stuff memes are made of, a carnival sideshow. The more scurrilous or degrading the concept, the more Netflix hopes we’ll watch. __________ America right now, in the midst of a pandemic, is reliant on collective behavior, adhering to rules, and taking sensible precautions to avoid danger. Tiger King is the TV equivalent of licking a NYC subway pole. Its characters have managed to construct whole worlds around themselves rather than curtail their worst impulses in any way. They’re any documentarian’s dream, and yet you can’t help but wonder what the directors hope to get out of giving these showmen the mass exposure that they desperately want. __________ On its face, Tiger King is about a remarkable subculture in the U.S.: people who collect and (illegally) breed big cats. There are, the show reveals early on, more privately-owned tigers living in America than there are existing in the wild. In 2003, authorities discovered that a man in Harlem was cohabiting with a 400-pound tiger named Ming, in the same apartment that his mother was using to babysit children. __________ Joe Exotic, for better or worse, is the show’s central character, and Tiger King sketches out a sparse biography that only hints at the forces that shaped him. The challenge seems to be that anything he says is stated in the service of inflating his own mystique. Including how he reacts after one of his employees is mauled by a tiger while at work. “I’m never gonna financially recover from this,” Exotic sighs, while the rest of his employees try to tend to the victim’s severed arm. __________ Hardest to endure is how he behaves at the funeral for his youngest husband, Travis, who accidentally shoots himself in the head. Dressed up like a minister, Exotic seizes the spotlight. He sings, cracks jokes, and reminisces fondly about his late partner’s private parts while Travis’s mother sobs. __________ Mostly, though, Exotic communes with tigers. He cuddles them while they’re riding shotgun in the front seat of his truck; he wrestles with them; he uses a steel hook to wrest newborn cubs from their mothers and then complains that the screaming babies are making too much noise. Tiger King’s unified theory of tiger obsession falls short, however, when it reaches Carole Baskin, the owner of a Florida animal sanctuary devoted to big cats. This shortcoming might explain why the show takes such pains to portray her as a kook, and possibly even a murderer. Baskin is Exotic’s bête noire, a woman who has dedicated her career to trying to outlaw the breeding and personal ownership of exotic cats in the U.S. __________ The show’s treatment of Baskin is where it indulges in its most egregious displays of false equivalence, as it tries to elevate her eccentricities to stand alongside those of Exotic. Baskin, Tiger King painstakingly lays out, is obsessed with animal print. Sometimes she wears flower crowns! She has an uncanny gift for search-engine optimization! She rides a bicycle! Her sanctuary relies heavily on unpaid volunteers! The show underscores all these facts, while making the most of the mysterious disappearance of Carole’s husband in 1997 and interviewing family members who seem convinced that she killed him. __________ “There is absolutely no physical evidence at this time” implicating any one individual as a suspect,” a police detective firmly and rather crushingly points out. Tiger King doesn’t care. It would much rather imply several times that she could have fed her husband’s corpse to tigers, had she been so inclined. In this, it has succeeded wildly: just check out the number of internet memes that insist she did the deed! __________ The degradation in Tiger King starts to feel contagious after a while. The directors filmed the series over five years, and the longer they spend with their subjects, the more obviously things fall apart. One of Exotic’s ex-husbands, John Finlay, gives shirtless interviews that show off his abundant tribal tattoos and his undeniable lack of teeth. (Not until Episode 5 does Tiger King stop to note that meth has been a prevalent factor in Exotic’s world the whole time.) The interviews become more and more invasive. Travis’s mother is asked about her son’s death while she’s seemingly intoxicated. __________ Exotic is the only one who appears unchanged, even as the plot makes its way toward his 22-year jail sentence for conspiring to have Baskin assassinated. The persona he’s crafted, you sense, is strong enough to survive anything, even prison. No misfortune can shake his sense of self. No humiliation can shame a man who refuses to be shamed. __________ Even now, he’s fast approaching cultural-legend status, as Hollywood stars spar on Twitter over who gets to play him in the already-approved miniseries. “Yeah, roll the cameras,” is how a reality-TV producer describes watching Exotic at his most idiosyncratic and badly behaved. Netflix obviously agreed. But the question is: why can’t the rest of us look away? After all, these days don't we need to watch something with moral substance to help us be better people in this crisis? __________ “I came so that they might have life and have it in abundance.”                                                                         Gospel of John About his song “Smoke Clears,” Andy Grammer says he and his wife have had a rough year. Her grandfather passed away. He’s had fainting episodes that are mysterious in origin. But they were able to be there for each other during this dark time, more so than ever before. __________ Together!  For each other! Christ sees how important that is and so does Andy Grammer. “You'll never be alone even when your world explodes 'Cause after all the smoke clears, I will be right here.”                                                 Andy Grammer, “Smoke Clears” __________ Think about it. At the end of 7 episodes of Tiger King, after everything implodes, can you name even one person who thought of anyone but themselves? That’s not the spiritual model we need to follow in the age of COVID-19.