#but the point is that they're both adults who can make rational decisions and there's nothing manipulative or abusive going on so they're 👌

[carbonateddelusion]

eddie's so silly <3 me when I'm 40 and I have a panic attack because "oh no am I taking advantage of this person am I being a nasty weirdo my father was right I'm so awful and evil and-" and then you ask what he's freaking out overr and he's like. "isaac is A DECADE YOUNGER THAN ME !!"

"so you're a 40 year old dating a 30 year old"

"YES I know I'm taking advantage of their immaturity aren't I-"

cut to Isaac, built like a whole-ass bear. aged like fine wine but boy is he aged. he's 30 but he LOOKS Edgar's age bc of stress. like this is A Man this is not a Boy. this is a whole-ass panda bear right there and honestly the fact that Eddie gets so worked up over it is hilarious to me because it's ISAAC

[jiangwanyinscatmom]

[1/?] Sorry for venting. I just saw some bad takes that gave me a lot of feelings. Personally, JC stresses me out every time he comes on screen, but I don't mind it when JC fans say fan-typical things like how they like JC because he wears purple, or is grumpy, or they think he's hot, or that they ship x*ch*ng because the cql actors have nice jawlines. They're harmless, fun takes, and while I don't agree with some of them, I see where they're coming from

Hello there anon, vent away as that is what my blog is open for as I love/hate on Jiang Cheng as he is in the plot, as well as all of my beef with what has been done to him for the EN side of the fanbase! I am more than fine listening and engaging with the unsavory "unpopular" discussions of his canon behavior and this goes for anyone of course that needs an open play area. I'll try to engage with what you have sent point by point as succinctly as I can.

[2/?] (some of these are obviously crack, and I am a fan of a few problematic faves). But then there are stans that just have to put other characters down to make JC look good. Like, I think some fans take their freedom of interpretation for granted because most of these takes aren't even labeled 'headcanon,' 'ooc,' or 'crack' anymore. Stans feel that their interpretations are valid, and while they are, valid =/= canon, and they're treating these takes as canon, which becomes popular fanon.

I enjoy Jiang Cheng for what he is, however as I had said it took me another reread to get to my stance of him being the negative mirror to Lan Wangji's positive and my comfort with that for the story once I realized what purpose he served. He is only insofar tragic in regards to his circumstances, but it does not absolve him for what he is at his core (no pun, but I can make a very nice metaphor that even with a piece of Wei Wuxian in him he is still forever unable and unwilling to stand by him equally all while stagnating where as Lan Wangji is able to flourish, grow and mature with nothing of import left from Wei Wuxian in a technical sense). As for ships, I am a little dirty Xicheng whore for fun and can say there is a sense of entertainment for me making it work with two people where one is wildly ignorant and the other wildly rabid. But that is outside of what is established as canon in the work and I always try to keep the two strictly separate due to the skew fanon perpetuates.

3/?] And now, it's not clear what part of the fanon references canon JC or the canon events of mdzs. JC is an asshole; I don't like him as a person, but I do think that he's a complex character motivated by many issues (sup, YeeZY), which makes him fascinating to explore. Unfortunately, erasing his culpability also removes his agency. JC should be allowed to be an asshole character who makes his own decisions even if they're the wrong ones. He has made his own tragedy by constantly casting Wei Wuxian as the villain of his life.

Now thanks to you I will be using YeeZY to forever and now to acknowledge Madam Yu (this is your fault for the new tag). From a standing from storytelling I agree that he is complex in the Jianghu for MDZS. Where in the usual political intrigue of Wuxia, he would be the mustache twirling villain that is outright unforgivable in narration, it is by favor of Wei Wuxian's narration that has an early steeping of empathy for him. And he is not meant to be seen as ultimately sympathetic, the work builds up his hate against Wei Wuxian who tries to rationalize it all several times until he is finally unable to. Jiang Cheng is the antithesis to Lan Wangji and the false bait to get attached to in Wei Wuxian's first life. I will make the note their meeting in Yiling is lukewarm between both as they exchange nothing really in terms of conversation and all pleasantries are left in terms of Jiang Yanli for Wei Wuxian. By this point Wei Wuxian has already switched his yearnings of platonically wanting a part of Jiang Cheng's life, to subconscious romantic inclinations about Lan Wangji and the perceived loss of being in the other's life.

The very point of Jiang Cheng as the deconstruction, is that he has no passion in life despite his apparent exploits because he put a shadow to hang over himself as an excuse to say others think he is not good enough. He has no deeper motivations than pure selfishness by the end of the work and is pure frivolity that he has built up losing the meaning of his sect as a tradition. He had his agency (more than anyone I might add in the work due to his social position) that he used to build his reputation as a passive rich sect leader that has little to do with civilian problems.

4/?] And I think a JC, somehow, that realizes that he did something wrong and is working hard to change for the better and gain self-actualization to become that UWU best jiujiu the stans want him to be, who is ready to talk (not yell at) with WWX, apologize to him, and create a better, healthier relationship with him is a much more powerful reconciliation and happy ending than 'everyone is wrong and mean and they all apologize to JC, which magically gets rid of all his issues'.

He is forced out of culpability in reconciliation because simply put, his audience do not like the reality that relationships fray and dissolve with no further resolution other than we as adults both need to move on for safety and good health. It is not acceptable in real life and fiction is allowed to place that also in it's thematic relationships. He has a small, small spark of recognition at the end of the main story, however he himself seems to choose to ignore it, as change is hard and he has never taken to that well as was foreshadowed with his dogs and the idea of sharing a space with Wei Wuxian. To write this is an awful lot of work into his psyche which is not a nice place, he is a terrible being and downplaying that to make a sugar sweet person does not work instantaneously. He is the one responsible for the entire fallout with Wei Wuxian and he hysterically realizes that even as he tries to continue to blame Wei Wuxian.

The issue that I have with his current stan culture, is that they already view him as something he is not. They play at bicycle with all of the other protagonists that have positive traits that they strip as they see fit; Good affirming loving to children adult Lan Wangji, Self-sacrificing ultimately did it all for love and care Wei Wuxian, Hard exterior but softened to who they consider an annoyance Wen Qing, Loyal as partners in their exploits on the field and always have each others back Wen Ning. They even take Jin Guangyao's persona of playing damsel and using that as a positive to soften up Jiang Cheng into something he has never been for anyone for ships.

[5/5] Also, making WWX/WN/LWJ apologize just makes them look better than JC. Like, stans supposedly love JC, so they ahouldn't be lazy and work hard to give him actual character development. Again, I'm sorry for spamming your ask. It just really baffles me about where they get these 'hot' takes (All I'm going to say is that JC was ungrateful, and WN had a reason verbally dismantle him).

They see this, but, they will spin it in any way to excuse Jiang Cheng due to the story itself showing that he was in the wrong to everyone he flung accusations at and his hate. No one but him is at fault for his spite as he had gotten his revenge on the ones that had ruined Lotus Pier and killed his parents. His own resentment pitted him against good and well meaning people that he refused to help as he mimicked his mother's words about raising their heads higher out of goodness instead of keeping low and staying self-centered. There is the underlying criticism of taking individual arrogance as self-care at the cost of others. Each point that Wen Ning makes is exactly what Jiang Cheng himself knows as he hated Wei Wuxian for being something he could not be or even wanted to be. Jiang Cheng wants kindness but does not understand that kindness to others needs to be selfless and accept the hurt that can come with that in life. He encompasses the fall from the path of buddhist lifestyle, "The Three Poisons" to Wangxian's "Without Envy" at the stories end.

[6/5] P.S. I'm not saying I want reconciliation fics, but I just feel that if stans want JC to have a happy ending, then I think that he should actively work for it. I think it would be interesting to see what force of nature would push him through a character development because throwing a therapist at him would result in a murder.

"I'm not saying I want reconciliation fics, but I just feel that if stans want JC to have a happy ending, then I think that he should actively work for it."

They do not think he has to work for it, they say his tragedy is enough, while heaping accusations against Wei Wuxian and saying his own are not enough to absolve him. Something Wei Wuxian has never denied and told all present they are allowed to forever hate him for what he had done in the past, but that they need to find a way to live in a life that is always moving on. He learned that grudges do nothing once they are absolved and it leaves you with hate with nothing else to do with it once that object is gone. In terms of reconciliation, I do not ever think that either want anything other than a distant peaceful out of each other's life set up. Jiang Cheng does not need Wei Wuxian in his life to be satisfied and never has since he used him as the handicap to hide behind to stay angry and miserable. Being without that fallback opens the world far more for him to change than him ever interacting like an old friend with Wei Wuxian ever again, if he ever had the guts to do that.

[thejustmaiden]

Jaken = Rin's Dad?

Okay, is this how a daughter treats their so-called father?

Most definitely not.

Rin and Jaken's relationship clearly screams of your typical sibling rivalry punctuated with cute and silly moments of playful bickering.

Yes, Jaken may technically be her main provider, but that doesn't necessarily equate to him being more of a father than Sesshomaru. If anything, he demonstrates more of a brotherly love towards her. As we all know, parents (which Sesshomaru embodies more based on real life patterns and parallels) will leave their older more capable children in charge of looking after their younger brothers and sisters. In this case, that would mean making Jaken responsible for watching over Rin and protecting her if need be. Ah-Un offers protection, too. Think of it as Jaken as the big brother and Ah-Un as the family dog who are babysitting while Sesshomaru as the parent of the household is away at work or taking care of business. I mean, they literally fit that description to a tee and I'm dying at the accuracy of it all! 🤣👌

[Quick! Someone write up a modern au where Sesshomaru finally gets out to have a nice date night but everything goes wrong in the most spectacular way. Like maybe Rin and Jaken catch a ride on Ah-Un to go spy!]

I recently revisited some episodes from The Final Act, and I couldn't believe how many moments like this there were where Rin got after Jaken or when she would "put him in his place" so to speak. Obviously, all of it is mostly harmless. I was only surprised by how often it occurred, not to mention how Jaken would just stand there and take it. Towards a supposed father figure, Rin's behavior is downright unacceptable. There's a certain level of respect a child is expected to show their parents/guardians, and that's just not what I'm witnessing here between them. Like at all.

Rather their dynamic has the nature of some sibling relationships like I mentioned above. So I really wish fans would stop pretending otherwise, because based on what we know of father-daughter relationships- healthy ones at least- they don't appear anything like what Jaken and Rin have. If you could please provide me other examples of where we've seen similar portrayals in fiction or in real life, then perhaps I can get on board.

Look, that doesn't have to mean that because Jaken isn't her father then Sesshomaru must be. They can both be her caretakers without necessarily filling that traditional father role. I'm just saying that if we're going to start assigning titles to characters, let's make sure we are accurate and truthful in our assessments. If you're going to label anyone Rin's dad, then it needs to be Sesshomaru. Jaken doesn't have precedence over him in terms of fatherly attributes, that just wouldn't make sense.

After all, this isn't about what you want to see, this is about what Rin very likely sees. It's safe to assume that she views Sesshomaru more like a father than she does Jaken. She knows she's safe with him (broadly speaking lol) and that he'll come for her no matter what. That sense of security and comfort is what a child seeks and what they should always feel in a parent's presence. She trusts and even idolizes him, just as a young and innocent child tends to do with their parents. At that age, parents are perfect and could do no wrong in their child's eyes. Idk about you, but this describes perfectly how Rin is around Sesshomaru.

Rin adores him and will follow him anywhere- yes, even into danger! That's what the innocence and unconditional love of a child will bring them to do if necessary. Fortunately, at the end of The Final Act we learn Sesshomaru takes Kaede's advice when he realizes that leaving Rin with her in the village is in her best interests. That way she'd be able to lead a more normal and safer life alongside other humans. Remember, Sessrin shippers, that doesn't mean he wasn't still a part of her life and didn't witness her become a young woman over the years right before his very eyes. Therefore, if they eventually do become romantically involved, then most if not all of those gifts had intimate and seductive intentions and it essentially constitutes as child grooming.

I understand from a Sessrin shipper's point of view why it'd be so much easier to claim Jaken as the father. In doing so, they diminish Sesshomaru's role in her upbringing. By refusing to acknowledge the real role he had in helping raise Rin (short periods can be crucial and impressionable too esp. in a child's early years so yes they did assist in raising her not only Kaede), these shippers are better able to justify how their filial-like relationship evolved into a romantic one. So yeah, I get it, if I were a Sessrin shipper I'd probably do the same. It's one of the more plausible arguments available to them, after all. "Let's pin Jaken as the father to fend off antis!" is the best chance they've got, but even so, it's still not good enough. But if you insist Jaken is indeed like a father to Rin, then Sesshomaru is most certainly one too. Who says she can't have two fathers anyway?

The thing is however much you want to deny or downplay what Sesshomaru truly means to Rin and vice versa, nothing will ever change or hide the truth of the matter. Please, stop acting like they're only traveling companions and nothing more. Some of y'all even go so far as to say that they're like strangers. Knowing potentially little about a person is not equal to a lack of love and affection. Making big assumptions such as this to defend your ship is actually doing you more harm than good. Let me elaborate.

According to your reasoning, if that's all Rin ever was to him was a companion and Sesshomaru had no real attachment to her, then what precisely is the basis of your ship? Recall that Adult!Rin doesn't exist yet, thus we have no real idea what she will be like or if she's even alive. So how can you make comments like that but then go on later to say "they have such a unique and unbreakable bond" or "only Rin can be the mother because she's the only human he ever cared for" if all that time spent traveling together didn't amount to much in the first place like you claimed to believe beforehand? Do you see how your rationalizing is confusing?

Contrary to what some of you may think, I'm not just saying all this because I'm an anti and I'm obligated to disagree with you, or whatever other excuse you want to tell yourself. Believe it or not, I'm attempting to give as unbiased and objective of an analysis I can based on widely accepted interpretations of family dynamics, development, and any history we know of.

Of course I respect that at times fans will perceive things differently since that's bound to happen. What's hard for me to wrap my head around however is the unwillingness of some fans- not exclusively Sessrin shippers- to apply basic common sense and sound judgment to their observations and deductions.

Looking at all our facts, then taking the small handful of scenes Sesshomaru and Rin do share together into account, one can logically conclude that their dynamic is akin to one found in a typical parent-child relationship. If you still fail to recognize Sesshomaru as a parent to Rin, then that's fine too. In the end, that won't really change the fact that he'd still take on a role resembling an adult figure overseeing a young child's care and protection. Be it as a vassal, guardian, what have you. Plus, nobody is saying here that Sesshomaru doesn't make mistakes regarding Rin's general well-being, but so do all parents. Overall, I think the majority of us agree that Rin is in good hands. Whether it's in his direct company or in his occasional supervision from his frequent visits to the village.

In other words, it doesn't really matter what exact title you assign him in relation to Rin, as the distribution of power is all inherently the same with any and all adult-child relationships. That bond never changes once you've established it either, seeing as it's a special kind of connection one can only form with a child and a child alone.

I was a teacher for a few years, and speaking from personal experience, you don't need to be a parent, per se, to take on a role of authority in a child's life. I know without a doubt that I could never and will never view any of those kids I taught in a sexual/romantic light later down the road; yes, not even once they become grown-ups who are independent and more than capable of making their own decisions. Those of you who disagree are usually missing the whole point though, because we're not trying to dictate what Adult!Rin can and cannot do like many tend to accuse of us doing. This isn't a question of taking away from her autonomy nor does it fall under "purity culture," which is why people shouldn't continue jumping to these outrageous conclusions and really listen for a change. You're deflecting from the real issue here when you choose to misinterpret what we're saying by ignoring the problem we're actually referring to. You cannot present a valid counter-argument if you persist in twisting our words.

Bottom line: once these kids become old enough to pursue a sexual/romantic relationship, of course they have that right if they're ready. All we're trying to say is you guys ought to stop pushing forward this it's-completely-normal-to-want-to-bang-your-adoptive-dad-since-you're-an-adult-and-can-do-as-you-please agenda and not expect backlash. Ship it if you want, but please stop acting like their romance would be the epitome of a pure and healthy relationship.

Sesshomaru may not wear his heart on his sleeve, but it's foolish to presume he didn't actually care about Rin during their whole time together just because he didn't openly express his feelings until the very end. Surely everybody can comprehend that people handle and process their emotions differently. The way Sesshomaru chooses to is completely valid for the most part, so let's cut him some slack regarding this already.

What I'm trying to get at is that any child whose life you played an influential role in will always be a kid in a lot ways to you even when they're old and wrinkly. Just as they will always picture you as the loved one who guided and protected them when they were most vulnerable and couldn't always fend for themselves. Can't we relate this to children we know personally and apply it accordingly?

Finally, I want to end on this note. Could you kindly take a look at these two images below for a second?

The reason I ask is because of something I recently read that's relevant to the topic. There was this pro-sessrin tweet I saw that stated Rin trying to take care of Sesshomaru when they first met is what a mom would do for a child, which in their opinion, translates to Rin being more like a mother than a daughter if anything.

First off: are you freaking kidding me????

Seriously, so now children aren't allowed to tend to their sick or injured parents?! Parents are apparently superhuman and shouldn't be offered a helping hand from a child, even if they mean well and want to help their parent who's in pain?? Now this Twitter user was mostly being a smartass, but at the same time, it was evident they genuinely thought they offered a valid enough point that warranted no further explanation or clarification.

Secondly, by saying this Sessrin fans don't seem to realize that in actuality they're contradicting themselves and proving the point we've been trying to make all along. Glancing at the first picture and moving down to the second, the role of the one being cared for and the caretaker is reversed. So then by their own logic, Sesshomaru IS in fact like a father to Rin.

What it comes down to is the names you give to the roles these characters play aren't as crucial as the dynamic they share. The specific characteristics of that dynamic are what define the importance of said role, not so much the name in the role itself. So real father or not, Sesshomaru and Rin clearly mean a lot to each other. Close relationships are defined and solidified by the devotion and belonging they have to one another, not solely by the duration of time spent together and their proximity.

Well, that's a wrap! I hope you guys got something outta this blog, and that you enjoyed or found some portions of it interesting. I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject from this fandom, but only engage in conversation if you plan to be respectful. Thank you!

[thenestwriter]

Friending Vs. Parenting...Is Your Child Your "Buddy"?

2022-Jan-01

To My Audience,

There is no playbook for parenting, and I know that I certainly don't have all the answers, but what I do know is that parenting takes maturity. Your thinking process should be aligned in a space where you are able to model and teach your children valuable lessons that can steer them in positive directions, as an adult, in today's everchanging society. In order to do this successfully, one must make the distinction between being a parent to a child, versus, being their buddy ole' pal.

When your child is your buddy, and you treat them like a friend, the lines of authority will forever be blurred. The child will never learn themes of life and gain moments where valuable lessons can be embedded...those will likely be missed. In the long run, the child's psyche is disturbed and dismantled. As children develop into adolescence, and into adulthood, their cognitive awareness must be fed adequately, with parenting that is nurturing, stable, structured, and unwavering.

One recent example of friending took place in Garland, Texas. As of now, Dallas police are on the hunt for 14-year-old Abel Elias Acosta, who with the assistance of his father Richard as the getaway driver, was driven to a convenience store, where Abel reached inside and released more than 20 rounds of gunfire from a .40-caliber pistol, leaving 3 teens fatally shot, and 1 left severely wounded. The father Richard Acosta Jr., 33, has thus turned himself in to authorities, been arrested, and charged with capital murder (Teen Killed, 2021). As a "parent", the absence of cognitive reasoning and decision-making led to the actions that took place on that night, as the supposedly "care-giver", perpetuated the situation versus deescalating it and providing alternative means to handle hostile situations and disagreements, which comes by way of proper parenting. At no point did the authority figure say, "maybe this isn't a good idea", or, "this can be handled differently son, in a better way than this"...oh no! On that day, they BOTH chose violence. At 14, decisions are made with impulsivity...where actions are done first, and then the consequences are considered, if they're even considered at all. Which is more evidence why it takes some level of maturity to engage in the process of raising children. Somebody has to be thinking straight!

Now, I do not know the backstory behind the shooting, but it is obviously apparent that Richard and Abel were more like buddies than the appropriate perception of a father-son relationship, that was constructed and fostered under nurturing conditions. It would not have surprised me if I learned that they had beers after the incident. A logical decision, pioneered and modeled by a mature adult would have certainly protected Abel and preserved his life, as it is now in shambles at the mere age of 14 years old. I am almost rest assured that the father isn't the only bad-influencer Abel has been around. His mental construct has already been formed, and at this very moment, he is living out a life for himself that doesn't have to be, at 14 years old. This incident grabs at my heart, each time I reflect on it.

In undergraduate school, while majoring in Psychology, I took many courses that educated me on the psychological development of children. During the early and middle, and adolescent years, children are impressionable, and haven't quite developed the brain functionality to make rational decisions on their own, which is done through the prefrontal cortex. Emotional/reaction decisions are also impacted through this area of the brain.

During early development, the brain is very responsive to both experiences and environmental cues, placing the brain under intense social and environmental influences (Gibb & Kolb, 2018). A buddy-buddy relationship will not establish the foundational structure that children need to foster their cognitive skills, behavioral performances, and socioemotional wellness. In turn, it serves to counteract against productive maturation.

Parents have a calling to engage in functional tasks, such as setting limits, instilling moral character, and modeling acceptive examples of conduct, which is a healthy function of being an adult (Lehman 2021). In addition, as children grow and foster under the guidance of proper and effective parenting, it further prepares the child for independency into the world. Entering into this domain, a child's mindset must be stable enough to leave the nest and create safe havens of their own, where the cycle of good parenting can continue with their own offspring.

When children are exposed to positive, enriched learning opportunities, epigenetic changes can occur that can impact neural chemistry and gene expression. The brain develops in 7 well-defined phases, that overlap and are repeated, thus a child's course of mental development should be handled with care, to support in their maturation process throughout their stages of growth.

Neurochemical, neurobehavioral, and neuropharmacological studies show that the brains remains very much active in adolescence, and evidence supports the hypothesis that the adolescent brain is structurally, and functionally venerable to environmental stress, and risky behaviors (Arain, et al., 2013). From early childhood until early adulthood, good parenting practices are key, as they help so greatly as a child's prefrontal is preparing itself for future complex behavioral performances.

Parenting means setting boundaries, and setting clear and direct expectations for your children to follow. They should be taught how their actions affect the types of consequences they receive, and how making logical decisions yield to better life outcomes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being "friendly" and pleasant, and sharing fun times of laughter, and creating timeless memories. Being a parent doesn't mean that an iron first is needed, but what is needed is a line of restriction that is respected primarily because YOU are the adult; that's the line that needs to be drawn in the sand.

As parents, we should provide structure and discipline, and it prepares the child in knowing how to follow societal laws and rules. As parents, we discipline through consequences, and it prepares the child to be critical-thinkers, reasoning how to make wise choices, knowing how to weigh the odds against the positive or negative outcomes for the actions they choose. Children also grow through responsibilities given to them, first seen through the accountable ones closest to them; parents, which does not manifest through friending relationships. This typically is important due to the fact that the development and maturation of the prefrontal cortex occurs primarily during adolescence, and is fully accomplished by the age of 25. So yes, that means, good teaching should start early on, and never cease. During these 25 years, deposits of [healthy]knowledge [should be] going into the child's brain, and are cooking, just as a turkey would in an oven. By the time 25 hits, the bell rings, and the brain has formalized how life is perceived, and it begins to refer back to what's in its mindset toolbox to guide the way of how one should act, behave, think, and feel.

Parenting isn't easy...it's a learning process, but there has to be some identifier of maturity in order to make parental decisions versus you thinking that friendships does the job...structure does! Children don't stay children for long, and the better decisions you make with them as a parent, the more of a positive development and understanding of the world around them they'll have, as an adult.

Respectfully,

The Nest Writer

Tracy Warren, M.Ed.

References

Arain, M., Haque, M., Johal, L., Mathur, P., Nel, W., Rais, A., . . . Sharma, S. (2013). Maturation of the adolescent brain. US National Library of Medicine, 9, 449-461. doi:10.2147/NDT.S39776

Gibb, R., & Kolb, B. (2018). The Neurobiology of Brain and Behavioral Development. San Diego, California: Elsevier Inc.

Lehman, J. (2021). Your Child Is Not Your "Friend". Retrieved December 30, 2021, from Empowering Parents: https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/your-child-is-not-your-friend/

Teen Killed. (2021, December 30). Retrieved December 30, 2021, from 13 Eyewitness News: https://abc13.com/garland-shooting-abel-elias-acosta-richard-gas-station/11406424/

[howling-harpy]

Hi! I love your writing so much and I was wondering if you could write a bit of winnix? Maybe when they're back state side after the war and living together and Dick finally "breaks" from his PTSD and Lew has to help him? Thank you!

Word count: 1992 A/N: These drabbles have never been drabbles, have they? And it’s getting more and more out of hand. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one!

*

It was so late at night that even the punishing August heat was easing off when Dick was driving them home from the Nixon family home. Lewis was too drunk to sit straight even in a car, but the familiar pleasant numbness that whiskey brought was worth it. Dick was quiet as he drove, but Lewis knew he was extremely aware of him, and something about that thought brought him a wave of juvenile satisfaction.

“You okay?” Dick asked carefully when they had left the house behind far enough not to see even the lights anymore. Lewis rested his forehead against the window and huffed. “Yeah, just dandy.” Despite his stingy tone, Dick kept talking calmly and going through the same points he always did on nights like this. “I’m sorry it got like that again. It shouldn’t be like that among family.” Notions like that were something Lewis despised the most. He knew how it was and there was no helping it, and if you asked his honest opinion them being family was what made it what is was. “Phah. You still don’t know us very well then, huh? It’s always like that and it’s never going to change.” “Maybe distance will do you good, huh? Some time for yourself. Maybe you wouldn’t… drink so much then either,” Dick suggested with a carefully light voice as he made his little suggestions. Lewis was quiet for a moment. “Are you going to judge me too?” The mere suggestion made Dick start and he threw Lewis a wounded look. “No! Of course not, but I worry about you.” “Worrying isn’t going to change shit.” It felt weirdly good to swear at Dick even though it never got a rouse out of him. Lewis felt like stomping his foot and throwing something, and even if Dick didn’t swear back, there was a tightening on his face. The summer night was dark and the road was empty for the most part, but a pickup truck passed them. The heavy smell of its bitter exhaust whiffed into the car through the cracked window, and for a moment the noise from the truck drowned out the radio. Dick squeezed the wheel tighter. “Well,” he began again, forcefully calm and cheerful, “when we move away, you’ll see.” “Oh my god, Dick,” Lewis groaned. The urge to stomp increased. “You think the old man will let me? Seriously, it’s a nice thought, but it’s never going to happen.” Dick frowned and didn’t say anything for a moment. His forced cheer seemed to have evaporated, and Lewis felt a mean sort of satisfaction about that. “But… But you’ve said… We’ve talked about it?” Dick uncertainly started. Lewis rolled his eyes. Usually he liked how direct and down to earth Dick was, but his tendency to accept everything at face value was also a flaw. “Yeah, talking is nice. Wishing is nice too, I’ve only done it ever since I was a kid. It doesn’t actually do anything, but it’s nice.” Dick didn’t speak again but made a small noise in the back of his throat, and then jumped the breaks. For a moment Lewis looked for a deer on the road or in the corn fields but saw nothing, and then Dick was steering the car on the side of the road. They stopped, and Dick hastily shifted the gear off. The engine was still on and rumbling under them. There was no deer, and Lewis turned to Dick, frowning. Dick had a strange closed off expression on his face and both his hands still squeezed the wheel, his knuckles pale. He was taking shallow, pained breaths through his nose and staring ahead, blinking rapidly and a crease between his brows. Lewis could only stare. “Dick?” “You promised,” Dick said quietly before Lewis could say anything more. His voice was thin and nothing like his usual stern manner, but small and accusing in a way Lewis hadn’t ever heard before. “You said we’d leave. You know that I… I have tried to tell you how much it would mean to me, and… You really never even considered it? Why’d you lie to me like that?!” “I’m not lying,” Lewis hurried to deny. The thought was alien to him. He’d never lie to Dick, that was one of the cornerstones of their friendship since day one: they never had to lie to each other. “But you know I can’t. I just… I can’t!” “You could!” Dick snapped, his voice rising so suddenly that Lewis flinched back. Dick was still talking to the road, and words were pouring out in a rush like a dam had broken, bitterer and bitterer. “You’re an adult and you could make your own decisions if you only tired! But you never do, and I’m so sick and tired of just – “ Suddenly Dick fell silent, like he had caught himself just in time before he said too much. Lewis shuddered. Every word had felt like a vicious needle, and having been stung by so many he was sitting up with his back rigid, his head suddenly clear and in fear of what more was to come. He leaned on the car door like a cornered animal who wished to fall through it and disappear into the field. Dick shook his head. “I’m just so… So tired of everything. I just want out. I need to get out,” he said, fidgeting anxiously with his hands squeezing and loosening on the wheel. “Also, can’t you smell that? Where even are we?” he muttered, more and more to himself as he looked around the empty road and the fields on both sides. Those words made an alarm go off in Lewis’ head. “We’re on the road home,” he replied slowly, “how about you let me drive us there, huh?” “You can’t drive, Lewis. You’re too drunk. You’re always drunk,” Dick snapped while he turned his head to look in every direction, then lost his vitriol as fast as he had gained in, lay his forehead against the steering wheel and started to silently cry. For the first time in his life Lewis was frozen. He’d never seen Dick cry, hadn’t even considered he was a person prone to such action, but there he sat in their car on the side of a road in New Jersey and watched his shoulders shake and listened to his trembling breaths. Lewis’ head cleared from more than whiskey as he watched Dick cry and felt helpless and childish. He had thought Dick this rock-solid figure in his life, strong and unwavering, someone whom he could rely on absolutely and never worry about him leaving, no matter how difficult things were or how moody Lewis got. But Dick was just a man, a young man with troubles of his own, no different from Lewis. How many times Dick had taken care of Lewis, listened to, supported and comforted him? Lewis would have lost count if he had taken count in the first place. He hadn’t thought Dick would need any of that back. “Hey… Hey, it’s okay,” Lewis began without really knowing what he was doing, “just… take a deep breath.” After a moment of hesitation he reached out and set his hand on Dick’s shoulder and kept it there even when he initially startled at the contact. Lewis didn’t have an instinct for things like this, but he also realized retreat was not an option here. There was no one else here to solve the situation, and it was all up to him. He slowly stroked Dick’s trembling shoulders. “Take a breath. We’re almost home, you know this road, you’ve driven it a thousand times, and there’s no weird smells. It’s okay,” Lewis said and kept petting him. Dick actually managed to take a deep breath and let it out slightly calmer, and encouraged by this Lewis leaned over to his side to roll the window further down. “That’s it, just keep breathing. Can you smell the summer? It’s a beautiful night out, all calm and cool. Maybe the heat wave is finally easing off, huh? It’s almost harvest time. We’re going to have to take a whole weekend to first pick all the berries from the garden and then figure out what to do with them all.” Steadily Dick got a hold of himself again as Lewis talked and stroked his back. Rationally Lewis knew he was still drunk, but not nearly as sluggish or meanspirited as he had allowed himself to be moments ago. He felt vibrantly aware in a way he couldn’t remember feeling in years. Eventually Dick stopped crying and with one more deep, calming breath turned his face towards Lewis again. More than anything he looked tired. “Thanks, Lew,” he said. Lewis didn’t want to stop touching him. “Yeah, don’t mention it.” “I wish you were like this more often,” Dick said so seriously Lewis felt embarrassed having earned a reprimand like that. There were no excuses or explaining that away, there was only facing his own underperformance as an equal partner and the shame that burned in the pit of his stomach. Lewis nodded. He focused on the moment for a second so he would remember it the next day in all its painful clarity, then carefully leaned back to his side of the car. “When you feel ready, please drive us the rest of the way home. When we get there, you’ll go straight to bed. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” Dick gave him an evaluating look that had something more to it. Despite everything, Lewis knew him well enough to recognize the hopefulness in it, and his heart withered at how reserved that light was, like Dick was used to being disappointed. It was a few minutes longer before Dick straightened up again, wiped his face with purpose and shifted the gear on again, taking the car back on the road and continued on their way home. He seemed steady again, albeit he drove slower than necessary. The radio was on and wind was blowing through the open windows, but still the atmosphere in the car was heavy. Lewis felt like he had danced near a cliff for a few years at this point and only now realized that he could actually fall off. “I can do better,” he said when the atmosphere grew unbearable. Dick gave him a brief glance, and now instead of angry or reserved it was just sad. He had heard it before, Lewis realized. “I can be better, too. And I can see you need better, so that’s what I’ll give you,” Lewis insisted despite the look from the man who knew him the best and was obviously on the verge of giving up. Lewis felt dizzy like he was about to fall.   Dick gave a silent sigh and a twitch of something that might have been a smile if it hadn’t been so utterly joyless. “I know you can,” he said gently. “But you’ve said that before.” “I know,” Lewis said. “I know I have, but I really mean it this time. I’m not asking you to just take my word for it either, I’ll show you.” “Right,” Dick sighed, kind but still reserved. “Starting tomorrow?” “Starting ten minutes ago,” Lewis threw back, staring at the side of Dick’s face. Dick turned to look at him properly. For a few seconds he looked at Lewis with a new expression, something that Lewis was proud to have evoked, and then turned back to look at the long road ahead of them. “Yeah, okay, Lew,” Dick allowed. Lewis sensed the blind trust he was shown but felt the cliff all too near still. He was going to have to actually turn and walk away from it this time, because as clearly as he read Dick’s unspoken feelings, he also saw their extent. This was going to be the last chance he got.  

[none-of-yall-are-doing-it-right]

Somehow you've managed to compile all of my least favorite takes into one masterpost. Amazing

At least this makes it easier to respond to.

The character of Mirabel is so parentified she was the only one doing any parental work throughout the entire movie; she was the only one to give care and support to her siblings (Antonio, Louisa,  Isabela) and she was the only one to seek out Bruno, while all of the adults also threw their personal issues at her (Pepa, Abuela) and some blamed her for it all

So, to start. Mirabel isn't parentified. She's just being a supportive sister. Antonio and Mirabel's bond is nothing more than sibling affection and I have no idea how you guys managed to inflate it into something more than that. You can clearly see the contrast in the way Pepa treats him. That's an actual parent/child relationship. The care and support she gives to her sisters is literally just a single hug to Luisa and playing with Isabela after listening to them vent. These are both normal sisterly things. She doesn't offer them any particularly meaningful advice or act as a therapist. Hell, she basically brushed off Isabela's confession like it didn't matter. She didn't seek Bruno out; she didn't even know he was in the house. All she did was go snooping through his room and got lucky. I'm not sure what you mean by the adults throwing their personal issues at her. Pepa talked about her beef with Bruno after Mirabel pushed and all Alma does is ask her to stop setting shit on fire.

I love Bruno but I wish his character was depicted more consistently, when we first meet him he's showing a lot of anxiety, withdrawal, guilt, shame, and he starts following the lucky rituals (lucky songs, knocking on wood, stepping onto the right places) which I have learned to associate with OCD, but, he doesn't repeat them obsessively or a fixed number of times, so I'm forced to conclude he doesn't have it, it's just general anxious behaviour. Then, he starts presenting different personalities complete with names who help him function, and for a wild moment I'm believing I'm staring at a disney character with a dissociative disorder, until a second later, he says he was acting, it was a joke! It felt a lot like baiting and they had me both times

I'm not even gonna touch this part

Nobody apologizes to Bruno for scapegoating him, forcing him to disappear, pretending he didn't exist, holding projected grudges for years. Instead, he apologizes to them. And it's all good, somehow. Bruno's suffering goes unacknowledged.

This is the part that could actually be debatable but besides Alma, no one really owed Bruno an apology. Obviously, the literal children had no bearing on their 40 y/o uncle disappearing so no apology there. Pepa and Julieta thought he abandoned them for a decade and cannot be blamed for the methods they used to cope. No one forced Bruno to disappear. He, and I cannot stress this enough, was a grown man more than capable of making his own decisions. His disappearance and the consequences of it are on him and him alone (and a little on Alma). I don't know why people keep saying Bruno apologized to them when he only apologized to Pepa and for good reason. This point is null. No one is ignoring Bruno's suffering; the entire point of that scene is to highlight how they're all suffering but are beginning to heal from it. You guys just want to focus on Bruno because his trauma is the most obvious.

Abuela's trauma doesn't serve as a good explanation for the control and fear she brought upon the family; if you look at Isabela after she discovered her new power and her grandmother is angry, Isabela shows fear, shame, regret. She withdraws from fun, from growth, developoment, joy, because she's scared of her grandmother. This implies Abuela has punished her before for not being perfect enough, she's clearly scared and is ready to give up anything not to anger her grandmother anymore. How can this be rationalized by past trauma? It can't.

Trying very hard to stop automatically calling everyone that says shit like this white so I'm just gonna say you're probably not well-versed in transgenerational trauma and how it is passed down. Alma's trauma locked her into a state of permanent survival mode. I don't know if you know this but people in survival mode do have a tendency to be overly controlling. She says constantly throughout the movie how terrified she is of losing her home and family again. Her main priority is their safety and she believes the only way to keep them safe is by preserving the miracle. Hence, the marriage and the working and the constant need for perfection. That is the explanation. What you mean to say is that it is not an excuse, which I agree with. Isabela being scared of being reprimanded doesn't necessarily mean she's been punished. Her entire life she's been the apple of her grandmother's eye so it makes sense that she's supremely uncomfortable at being removed from that position even for a second.

Bruno lived inside of a wall because of how scared he was of Abuela. Even though he was doing what she told him to do. This cannot be justified.

Again, Bruno is responsible for his own actions. And he wasn't scared of Alma, he was scared of her reaction to the vision and how she would treat Mirabel. My main issue with this take is that everyone seems to view Bruno retreating into the walls as a rational decision when it very much is not. His choice and the reasoning behind that choice have some very questionable logic behind them. But that's for a different post.

The resolution of Abuela's act is wildly unrealistic, in no scenario does a person abusing their power go 'Oh, so I guess I've been forcing this family into dysfunction and fear all these years, my bad, I'll be good now' and it doesn't have any further consequences, it's magical thinking and I've never seen it play out this way

Sure, I can agree Alma's resolution was unrealistic but not for the reason you think it is. Alma loves her family very deeply so it makes sense that she would try to be better for them once she realizes that she is hurting them. The unrealistic part is that she even realized it at all because elders of color are dense as all get out when it comes to things like this. But it's a Disney movie with a 90-minute runtime so.

I broke down when I realized what the message of the movie was:  Mirabel was what everyone needed to go on, and yes she was but it implies the children and the youngest of the family are there to fix the family's psychological and emotional issues. It implies that is their purpose within the family and they exist to resolve the elder's trauma. This isn't right. The youngest are there to be taken care of. The elders can take their trauma elsewhere, and provide care for the youngest, instead of parentifying them into their personal emotional crutch

Honestly, after all that I'm not surprised that this is what you took away from it. Not surprised but horribly disappointed. The entire point of the last scene was to show them all working together to rebuild Casita and their relationships with each other. Mirabel was the catalyst, yes, but she certainly isn't doing everything on her own. She's just one part of the solution. EVERYONE is putting in the work to be better. To do better for each other. It's literally a movie about family but you guys keep minimizing it to two characters and it's really annoying

I got upset when at the end Mirabel still didn't get a gift, but afterwards realized that the way she touched the doorknob and the magic spread thru it, was the parallel to what Abuela did before with the candle; Mirabel is the new magic holder, and the house recognized her as the head of the family, she replaced Abuela

This has to be the worst part out of all of them simply because so many others are regurgitating the same thing. No, Mirabel doesn't have a gift and no, she did not replace Alma. Mirabel was the catalyst for change but that doesn't mean she replaced Alma. The magic was reborn because all of them worked together. We literally spent the past 90 minutes establishing that she's perfect without one just for you guys to go "nah, actually her worth IS determined by her gift". She doesn't need a gift. Stop trying to give her one.

Which means there are two possible reasons why she couldn't get her gift originally; first is that Abuela held onto it and didn't want to give it away, meaning she was the reason Mirabel never got a gift and agonized over trying to find a role in the family for so long

The second theory is that Mirabel was already stronger in magic than Abuela and has rejected the gift because she already had a more powerful magic inside of her

She didn't get a gift because the family was already splintering before her gift ceremony and the magic stuttered during it. It's kind of up to interpretation but this is the explanation that's basically given to us in the movie.

I like that it was acknowledged that Mirabel is the more competent and reliable head of the family and was doing better work to lead the family in the right direction than Abuela did, but I still dislike her role, because you know she's only getting all the responsibilities without any privileges, she's now the caretaker of everyone, but nobody is going to start to respect her or care for her needs

Again, being the catalyst doesn't necessarily mean she's the new family head. Firstly, she's fifteen. Second, she likely won't take over until Alma passes the role to her, which probably won't happen for many more years. Mirabel does not have the stability or maturity for a role like that yet and still has a long way to go before she's ready. Which is ok, she doesn't need that stress right now. One of the requirements of getting the magic back was helping everyone heal or begin to heal from their trauma. I highly doubt they'll just be like "fuck all that" just because they got their powers back. Sure, they might slip up sometimes but that's inevitable. At the end of the day, they all care about and love each other very much so they're always going to try, no matter how hard it gets.

One part of me is so glad this is all out in public, another one sad because this means so many kids are now traumatized, it has became monetizable to feature family trauma in popular children's media

This whole thing.

The amount of times I said "what" out loud while reading this. So convinced that you put on the movie and just immediately left the room. Don't worry though, I'm about 99% sure children won't be traumatized by this animated kid's movie.

More thoughts on Encanto:

The character of Mirabel is so parentified she was the only one doing any parental work throughout the entire movie; she was the only one to give care and support to her siblings (Antonio, Louisa,  Isabela) and she was the only one to seek out Bruno, while all of the adults also threw their personal issues at her (Pepa, Abuela) and some blamed her for it all

I love Mirabel’s mother, and her love and support for Mirabel, but she modeled a role of a public service for Mirabel, and from this Mirabel learned that it’s the only admirable and valuable role she could have; to the point where she was suffering for not being powerful enough to be a public service, and instead became a private service

I love Bruno but I wish his character was depicted more consistently, when we first meet him he’s showing a lot of anxiety, withdrawal, guilt, shame, and he starts following the lucky rituals (lucky songs, knocking on wood, stepping onto the right places) which I have learned to associate with OCD, but, he doesn’t repeat them obsessively or a fixed number of times, so I’m forced to conclude he doesn’t have it, it’s just general anxious behaviour. Then, he starts presenting different personalities complete with names who help him function, and for a wild moment I’m believing I’m staring at a disney character with a dissociative disorder, until a second later, he says he was acting, it was a joke! It felt a lot like baiting and they had me both times

Later as he presents to the family his anxious and withdrawal behaviour disappears and he is able to communicate with all of the family members easily

‘We don’t talk about Bruno’ hits differently once you’re aware Bruno is listening thru the walls

Nobody apologizes to Bruno for scapegoating him, forcing him to disappear, pretending he didn’t exist, holding projected grudges for years. Instead, he apologizes to them. And it’s all good, somehow. Bruno’s suffering goes unacknowledged.

Abuela’s trauma doesn’t serve as a good explanation for the control and fear she brought upon the family; if you look at Isabela after she discovered her new power and her grandmother is angry, Isabela shows fear, shame, regret. She withdraws from fun, from growth, developoment, joy, because she’s scared of her grandmother. This implies Abuela has punished her before for not being perfect enough, she’s clearly scared and is ready to give up anything not to anger her grandmother anymore. How can this be rationalized by past trauma? It can’t.

Bruno lived inside of a wall because of how scared he was of Abuela. Even though he was doing what she told him to do. This cannot be justified.

The scene in which Mirabel stands up to grandmother was perfect, but I don’t think  that’s where the house should have fallen apart; it’s the act of slowly pressuring the family into breaking that created the rift between everyone, not the act of calling it out, the call out should have served to uncover that the family was broken all along

The resolution of Abuela’s act is wildly unrealistic, in no scenario does a person abusing their power go 'Oh, so I guess I’ve been forcing this family into dysfunction and fear all these years, my bad, I’ll be good now’ and it doesn’t have any further consequences, it’s magical thinking and I’ve never seen it play out this way

I broke down when I realized what the message of the movie was:  Mirabel was what everyone needed to go on, and yes she was but it implies the children and the youngest of the family are there to fix the family’s psychological and emotional issues. It implies that is their purpose within the family and they exist to resolve the elder’s trauma. This isn’t right. The youngest are there to be taken care of. The elders can take their trauma elsewhere, and provide care for the youngest, instead of parentifying them into their personal emotional crutch

Everyone losing their powers and being able to cope immediately bothered me, there should have been a period of denial, anger, grief, loss of identity, loss of self worth, a journey to find out who they are without their powers, some should have experienced relief at no longer being a public service, all of them lost their roles in society and would have to find new ones

It would also make them way more reluctant to go back to using these powers, they’d now be aware that the powers can be lost, and can take a big chunk of their identity with them

This movie was a testament that not even having magical powers can save you in a dysfunctional family

I got upset when at the end Mirabel still didn’t get a gift, but afterwards realized that the way she touched the doorknob and the magic spread thru it, was the parallel to what Abuela did before with the candle; Mirabel is the new magic holder, and the house recognized her as the head of the family, she replaced Abuela

Which means there are two possible reasons why she couldn’t get her gift originally; first is that Abuela held onto it and didn’t want to give it away, meaning she was the reason Mirabel never got a gift and agonized over trying to find a role in the family for so long

The second theory is that Mirabel was already stronger in magic than Abuela and has rejected the gift because she already had a more powerful magic inside of her

I like that it was acknowledged that Mirabel is the more competent and reliable head of the family and was doing better work to lead the family in the right direction than Abuela did, but I still dislike her role, because you know she’s only getting all the responsibilities without any privileges, she’s now the caretaker of everyone, but nobody is going to start to respect her or care for her needs

Overall I loved the movie and that it opened so many topics to discuss, 'Surface Pressure’ was raw and painful and I’ve already seen thousands of people resonate with it, the message against perfectionism was also strong, and it warns you not to trust smear campaigns. One part of me is so glad this is all out in public, another one sad because this means so many kids are now traumatized, it has became monetizable to feature family trauma in popular children’s media