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theymetinargentina · 4 years

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Sunflower / Harry Styles AU

Authors Note: Hello! This is an AU I thought of when I took a flight this past winter. I really hope y’all enjoy. As always comments and requests are always appreciated, they really help with motivation:) Feel free to interact in any way<3

Warnings- SMUT, daddy kink, choking, spanking (all that jazz)

Word Count- 2.8k

Enjoy<3

READ MY OTHER WORK HERE!

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“Alright passengers, I’m your flight attendant for today’s flight, my name is Jane and upfront our pilots are Harry and John, they’ll be making sure we arrive safely to our planned desination.” you smiled into the speaker, “We want to thank you for flying with us and hope you enjoy your flight, any concerns or questions feel free to flag me down and I will ensure all your needs are meet.” You spoke all this is your typical stewardess voice, a voice that took months to perfect and has slowly crept into your daily speaking habits.

Today’s flight was a short one, only about an hour and a half. While you normally preferred longer flights, as it meant you got to travel farther, today you were grateful for the time it meant you would get to spend with your boyfriend, the man who was in charge of making sure this plane arrived safely at its destination. You and Harry had been together for nearly four years, working together since the very beginning of your relationship, when it was barely that. Of course, you never intended to start a romance with one of your pilots, it sort of happened.

After you relaized you both would have to work together, panic settled in. Of course you really liked him, you spent nearly everyday with him since that first night. He couldn’t be further form bothered, only uttering, “Who cares….maybe we should tell them so they can see I got the one everyone drools over.” I knew it wouldn’t be that easy. I would be shamed for sleeping with one of the pilots, rumors would ensue over how you got such a sought after job.

However, one panic attack and a trip to HR later, everything felt at ease. Your job literally could not care less; and being with Harry, relaxed you. Who cares if people gossiped? It was no ones business. They could stare and talk all they wanted. They wouldn’t get the satisfaction of seeing you upset by it.

Pushing through your anxiety was worth it, for Harry anything really was.

********** 4 years earlier **********

“I’ll get another drink please.”

“On it,” the very patient bartender responded, you had been moping around the bar for nearly two hours. You came here often enough to know which bartenders were working what shift. This is why you choose to come at this specific time. Noah, a slightly older man, was your favorite. He never tried to pry things out of you. Just let you sit at the bar with a solemn look on your face. Occasionally listening when you felt you needed to rant. A presence next to you snapped you out of your daze. The bar was fairly empty but the slightly musky air was still floating over our heads.

“Can you make that two, please? Go ahead and put it on m’ tab.” I slowly turned ready to dismiss whoever was interrupting my form of self-care. It was the same tall, lean man who had been shooting glances my way all night. Getting fairly close to me when he came to retrieve drinks for his group. “I’m Harry, and you are….?” he said cheekily

“Jane,” I deadpanned, “That is very kind but I am more than cap-” I stopped when I fully looked at him and saw how beautiful he was. His eyes were a blend of forest greens, almost overshadowed by how dilated his pupils were. His pink, full lips were pulled into a smirk, noticing I was staring.

“Baby, ‘m sure you’re more than capable,” he slyly said with a grin, Who was this man? And to have the nerve to tease me after only just meeting.

“Look, I was just sitting here enjoying a drink and I really don’t need anyone to pay for it.”

“I’m just tryna warm you up, take it...please?”

“Warm me up for what? You seem so sure of yourself, when all youve done is give me your name and pay for a drink.” I retorted.

He grinned again and moved closer, “I see that look in your eye, I know you want this darlin’,” he slowly inched his hand up my arm, pausing when he got to my collarbone, waiting for me to say no. He carefully encased his hand around my neck, looking into my eyes to silently ask if this was okay, all I could answer with was a nod. He put his mouth to my ear and hotly whispered, “Come home with me.” The ache between my thighs only got more intense. “Your friends wouldn’t like that,” I whispered lowly.

“Fuck them,” he responded, his voice had significantly dropped and he sounded so sure. For some reason, I trusted him and felt myself slowly falling into his arms, both figuratively and metaphorically. I wrapped my significantly smaller hand around his wrist that was still holding my neck, “Take me then.” I whispered.

Our drinks long forgotten, he dragged me through the exit. When we stopped in front of a very expensive car I was surprised to think he would drive. “Wait,” I gasped, “you can’t drive, you were drinking.” I couldn’t hide the slight disappointment in my tone. He only chuckled, “I was the designated driver for tonight, had bloody virgin drinks all night.” He smiled. With that, we got into the car. Judging by his determined driving I assumed we would end up at his place. After a car ride filled with only the sound of our heavy breaths and quiet music, the air thick with tension, he parked. The house was fairly large for what I would assume was only one-man occupying it. Nonetheless, I followed him to the front door where he stopped and turned to me.

“I know I was pretty straight forward back there, but I’ll completely understand if you decide to change your mind.” Those words got me wetter than I already had been. I understood what he was saying though, and felt gratitude at his attempt to make me comfortable. However, I couldn’t help but let my eyes flicker down to the bulge in his trousers. I stepped up to him and rested my hands just below his belly button, “I want this,” I seductively whispered, “Tell me you want me.” He let out an animalistic growl and wove his hands around my backside, resting them on my hips.

“I want you so, so bad baby. ‘M about to come in my fuckin’ trousers. Got me so hard, you minx.” With that settled I pushed him towards the door hoping hed get the hint to open it and lead us inside.

Once inside the already thick tension erupted inside us. He pushed me up against the closed door and crashed his lips on mine. It was rough and hot as he poked his tongue at my sealed lips, I let him in, and our mouths explored each other. He groaned and motioned with his hands on my ass to jump. I happily leaped into his arms and continued our heated kissing. I felt him slowly begin walking upstairs, careful not to drop me. We broke apart to breathe, but I immediately began trail kisses along his jaw. When I reached a particularly sensitive point below his jaw, he moaned. Setting me gently on the floor he lifted the end of my dress, pulling it off me in one swift motion. His eyes widened at the sight beneath it.

“Completely bare, you filthy fuckin’ whore,” He said as he cupped my heat, smirking at the whimper I let out.

“Oh yeah? I bet you fuckin’ love it.” I replied breathlessly.

“I fuckin’ do. Daddy loves filthy whores .” His eyes had gotten darker and his voice had a dominating edge to it. I knew he wouldn’t go easy on me. And I was thankful. I decided if he wanted to be rough, so could I. He threw his head back and groaned when I dropped to my knees in front of him, “You look so damn beautiful on your knees.” He gripped my chin, dragging his thumb across my cheek and pulling my bottom lip down.

I whimpered at the throbbing between my legs, hoping to get some type of relief. His bulge had only gotten larger. I held lightly onto his thighs and gave rough kisses to his covered length.

He was stubbornly refusing to moan, I could hear his breath increase in an attempt to mask them. When I pulled both his trousers and boxers down; his thick, veiny length sprung up. The tip was bright red and leaked pre-cum.

I admittedly enveloped him in my mouth, his knees almost buckling at the sudden touch.

“Fuck baby…..shit, right there…...suck daddy’s cock.” He grasped my hair harshly, guiding my movements as I bobbed up and down his cock. When I hallowed my cheeks he gave an involuntary buck, his tip hitting the back of my throat causing me to gag. I pulled away quickly, gasping for breath with a line of spit connecting his swollen tip to my lips. I chuckled and continued to move my hand up and down, flicking my wrist slightly when I reached the head.

“You like that daddy,” I smiled at him. He finally gave me another beautiful moan that sent waves of pleasure to my throbbing core. “Mmmm,” was all he managed to respond before pulling me up to kiss me sternly.

“As much as I love that sweet mouth of yours, I wanna come inside you.”

He pushed me backward until my knees hit the bed. He climbed on top of me letting his hands roam toward my throbbing pussy, “please,” I whimpered; surprising me too. He chuckled sliding his hand over my slit. “Oh, fuck.” Gathering my wetness on the tip of his finger he slowly pushed one in.

I threw my head back and let out a moan. “All this for me, huh? Tell me who got you this wet?”

I could feel him threatening to pull his finger out, “Tell me who, and I’ll fuck you with my cock, the one you sucked so well.” He crashed his lips back on mine while hastily unbuttoning his dress shirt. “You want that? To have me fuck that tight cunt so hard you can’t walk tomorrow?”

“Please…...daddy.” My whimper nearly killed him, the slow drawl out of me calling him daddy, I could tell he was trying to tame himself for my sake. But I wanted him to completely ruin me.

“Don’t be patient, ruin me…..please?” I juted out my bottom lip, partly to be cute and because I knew he would imagine me when I was on my knees for him.

I pulled at his belt buckle, he ripped my hands away and stood up. At first I thought he had changed his mind or something was wrong but he had a devilish grin on his face and lowly spoke in his sex-hazed raspy voice, “Get on your hands and knees.”

For some reason I responded to his voice immediately, rolling over so I was propped up by my hands, spreading my legs, hissing at the cool air hitting my slick core. My ass was facing toward him so I could only hear him remove his belt and step out of his trousers.

I jumped slightly when I felt him run the cool leather over my ass, “Look at you, spreading your ass for a stranger….. Such a fucking whore.”

I whimpered slightly and pushed my hips back slightly, hoping he would understand what I wanted. “You want me to spank you?” he snickered, “you keep surprising me Jane.”

Hearing him say my name drew a moan out of me, only nodding in retort to his question.

The slight sting that came was minimal in comparison to th pleasure I felt at his belt hitting my ass roughly. He brought it down again, and again, and again; each time making me moan louder than the last time.

When he dropped the belt I sighed in relief, I would finally get some relief from the ache that was ever increasing between my legs.

“Are you on the pill or should I-?”

I cut him off, “I’m on the pill, you can go bare.” I didn’t want the barrier of plastic between us, I wanted to feel every vein and ridge I had felt in my mouth.

With my confirmation he pushed in harshly, both of us moaning in unison, “Oh fuck…” I breathed. He set a rough pace, gripping onto my hips and pounding into me from behind.

“Shit…..you’re tighter than I thought baby, “ he groaned. The air was filled with sex and sweat. The only sound being our repeated mantras, oh fuck, right there, or don’t stop, and the borderline pornographic noise of skin slapping together. Harry reached his hand in front of me began rubbing fast circles on my clit. I cried out and knew from the sudden stimulation I was gonna cum sooner than I though, “I...I’m gonna cum, Harry.” I managed to get out.

“Cum for me baby, show me what a good girl you are for daddy, how much you love his cock.” With that I clench around his length that was buried to the hilt in me, all but collapsing from the overwhelming pleasure. I could feel Harry twitch inside of me and felt thick ropes of his cum coat my walls. He pushed himself balls deep, swirling his hips while riding out his oragasm. “Ohhhh, fuck baby….” he groaned.

I gathered enough strength to put my hand underneath us and tug on his balls lightly. He jolted and growled in my ear.

“You felt so good in me,” I whispered, in between our heavy breathing.

He laughed and pulled out, hissing lightly at the lack of warmth around his cock.

“It was all you darlin’.” I unvoluntarily clenched my thighs at the pet name. We both laid on our backs and stared at the wall.

“You can spend the night if you’d like,” he looked over at me with a glint in his eyes. I couldn’t say no, even if I normally refused to even spend longer than 5 minutes after with a hook-up.

“Sure,” I smiled.

********* Present Day **********

“Once the seatbelt light has turned off, you can go ahead and gather your things, exiting the aircraft in a effective manner, on behalf of all of staff we would once again like to thank you for flying with us today and hope you had a lovely flight.”

Once everyone was off the plane I unlocked the cabin door and struted inside, silently punching myself for choosing to wear heals. I mean, they made my legs look great and not to mention how fucking good my ass looked in this skirt, I knew Harry was itching to take it all off me.

“How was your morning Jane?” John asked sweetly. John was one of our newer pilots,doing his first few years under the care of Harry, a man with years behind his belt. He was a sweetheart, always kind-too kind if you asked Harry- and he respected everyone he worked with, no matter their own job.

“Not too bad, fairly calm flight. How were yours?” I asked them both.

“Good, John was in the lead for most of it. Fast learner this one.” Harry grinned, knowing how embarrassed John was with compliments. Sure enough when I looked at him, his cheeks were flushed pink.

“That’s very kind, but it’s all your teaching,” He replied, “I’m off, gotta go get some rest. I hope you both have a wonderful day.” He shook Harry’s hand and gave me peck on the cheek.

My eyes followed him out the door and I turned to Harry once he was out of sight, met with an unimpressed look.

“Oh relax, he always gives me a kiss on the cheek.” I said with a roll of my eyes.

“I’m just saying,” he stood and started gathering his belongings, “he tries anything else and I’m not holding back.” Of course John would never try anything, for one he was married, and he respected both Harry and I too much to ever do anything like that. It was simply a joke, stemming from the fact that a pilot that flew with Harry had commented about me, not being aware I was tied to Harry.

“I’m yours, you know that,” I grabbed onto the front of his suit and peered into his eyes.

“Yeah, you’re all mine, too look at, kiss, and grab,” he smirked, cupping my ass harshly at. I squealed and tried to push him away.

“People will see,” I laughed lightly, freeing myself of his grasp.

“Let them, they’ll finally understand not to talk about you,” he breathed, “Especially when they see me and think, ‘that bloke will fuckin’ kill me for disresectin’ his girl’” he beamed at me, clearly proud with the scenario he made in his head.

“You are such a dork.” We both grabbed our bags and began walking out the plane and into the airport.

“Yeah, but you love me,” he smiled with that goofy grin that always makes me laugh. I merely shook my head in response and thought, yeah I really did.

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LMK WHAT YOU THINK!!! :)

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bean-pronounced-bawn · 2 years

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One of the wildest things I've discovered about myself since starting college is that I love working with people. I've always been socially awkward and introverted and for pretty much my entire life I assumed that meant I disliked working with people, especially people who are significantly older or younger than me because of the added generational disconnect on top of the social awkwardness. But like my first two jobs when I was eighteen were in fast food and retail, and even when I was exhausted and didn't want to be there and my boss was being a dipshit I fucking loved talking to random people. And now I work two jobs which require interacting pretty much entirely with either people my parents' age or older, or children under twelve, which is absolutely wild to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm still super introverted and socially awkward and I don't know how to respond to certain things people say or do and I absolutely need to recharge alone after a long day, but like I high-fived a small child at work today and it was absolutely the highlight of my day.

I don't really know what the point of this was and i didn't have a clear plan for this post, but I guess I'm genuinely proud of myself for figuring out something pretty major about myself and incorporating it into my daily life. Who knew the kid who refused to hold a close family friend's baby because it looked weird would grow up to enjoy working with small children on a daily basis.

#to be fair though #90% of one of my jobs is just watching children play for research purposes #like aside from cleaning toys and uploading data all i do is put accelerometers on small children and watch them play with robots #that was actually why i got a high-five - the little girl helped me put the accelerometers on today and she was very proud #at my other job i mostly get made fun of by elementary schoolers though #their parents say my outfits are child friendly #i think what they mean by that is im easy to bully lmao #have you ever had an 8-year-old make fun of your clothes? devastating 😂😂😂

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reina-morada · 3 years

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Are the people in your area accepting of your religious journey? How do I deal with living in a town where everyone essentially has the same beliefs and would condemn me for not fitting in?

Salaam,

I currently live in a more conservative area than I used to (a red state) as a result of the pandemic, and while there is some religious diversity here it doesn't compare to where I am from (a significantly liberal blue state).

But also, I don't broadcast my religious beliefs to most people. The majority of the people around me (whom I interact with daily) are older, white, and Republican. More specifically they are Trump supporters (ironic considering the orange is no longer in office). Every opportunity they have to bring up politics with me they do, solely for the purpose of bashing anything even remotely liberal. I've just started to say "I'm religious, those are my politics" to avoid further meaningless debate with them that I don't have the desire to partake in.

Unfortunately, it's discerning you have to do on an individual level. I'm much more open about my religion (and much more comfortable wearing hijab) in a more diverse city in a more liberal state (like where I'm from). Here I just have to pick my battles and keep my head down, and I never wear hijab outside of a group setting. Alone, I risk too much of my safety to do so. There is not a significant Muslim population here.

It isn't the answer people hope for, but it's the truth. Don't do anything that will be putting yourself in danger, or compromise your safety, wellbeing, or health.

I hope this helps you

#anon #answers

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fightmeyeats · 5 years

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Wrath Month: Probably Not Gonna Calm Down

I feel very frustrated by @taylorswift’s “You Need to Calm Down” (currently “#3 On Trending” on youtube). This is not a particularly hot take.

Corporate pride tends to be highly contested in general: on the one hand, some argue that it's helpful to LGBT+ youth to see themselves represented in the hegemony and suggest that maybe it’s better that corporations are courting LGBT+ dollars over the money of homophobes; on the other, normalization (especially normalization through capitalist/corporate interests) has historically been complicit in the further marginalization of many queer folks--especially trans women of color. To some, “You Need to Calm Down” is simply one example of corporate pride, and therefore represents the same potential for an ambiguous reading. Personally, I have tried to imagine whether this song would have meant anything useful to me as a closeted queer teen; I remember looking desperately for queer themes in “straight” music, and I remember being slightly older (18, maybe?) watching Hayley Kiyoko’s “Girls like Girls” on a loop and how much my first exposure to actually queer music produced by actually queer artists meant to me, and I don’t think even that version of me would have felt connected to Taylor Swift’s attempt to reconcile her experience as a celebrity who has literally capitalized off of internet drama to the harassment queer folks experience daily for existing as themselves.

The Onion’s article “Taylor Swift Inspires Teen To Come Out As Straight Woman Needing To Be At Center Of Gay Rights Narrative” does a great job of simplifying why exactly this video and song is so exhausting to me and many other LGBTQ+ folks: the author argues that Taylor Swift uses “LGBTQ iconography to advance her career” and that, rather than letting people speak for themselves and control their own narratives, she’s making Pride Month about herself. The Atlantic and Vox both have run more in-depth articles breaking down the multitude of reasons why this song is deservedly coming under fire, which I highly recommend reading.

One counter argument I’ve seen here and there is that Taylor Swift is actually not a straight woman centering a gay rights narrative around herself--now that she’s said the word “gay” in a non-negative way in a song, its only a matter of time before she comes out! So one of the things I want to emphasize here is that while I personally don’t believe she’s queer (and per Swift’s own tumblr post explaining why she didn’t kiss Katy Perry in the music video where she says “To be an ally is to understand the difference between advocating and baiting. Anyone trying to twist this positivity into something it isn’t needs to calm down. It costs zero dollars to not step on our gowns.” she doesn’t seem to anticipate coming out either), regardless of whether or not she turns out not to be straight, this song and its lyrics are appropriating LGBTQ iconography to advance her career, and Swift is using queer folks as accessories to perform “wokeness” and draw parallels between herself and actual marginalized communities for her own gain. She may end the music video with directions to sign her petition for Senate support of the Equality Act, but the links in the song description are all promotion for her song, her merch, and her social media accounts. She does not even follow through on the optics of social justice.

The main way I want to trace this argument is through her fundamental misunderstanding and, more significantly, misrepresentation of what homophobia is.Throughout the song/music video Swift is consistently trying to render compatible her own supposed experiences with being bullied/criticized on the internet to the violence of homophobia which is, quite frankly, fucking wild. She sings: “Say it in the street, that's a knock-out / But you say it in a Tweet, that's a cop-out.” What seems to be the intended interpretation of this line is that negative interactions online are cowardly, because people are “hiding” behind usernames and icons, rather than being “brave” enough to offer direct criticism and publicly/visibly own their words; I am not going to go into the potentials of this line of conversation, because I do think in another context (and said by other people) real conversations about the potentials and pitfalls of online culture in regards to purity/call-out culture, social activism/organizing, and bullying can be and are already being had. What I want to point out here is the cognitive dissonance: who can say anything in the street to someone as rich, privileged, and insulated as Taylor Swift? If Swift only accepts criticism delivered in person, she doesn’t accept criticism and she might as well own up to that. And when she is trying to tie this into a commentary on homophobia, maybe she should have considered for two seconds the kind of actual danger queer folks (especially trans and gender non-conforming) are actually in on the streets every day while she’s in a mansion/penthouse apartment (and to that extent, the gentrified trailer park imagery didn’t sit to well with me either, but I’ll get into the discussion of class later on). Queer folks really are getting knocked-out in the streets (1, 2, 3). Furthermore, in her desperate attempt to center her psuedo-discourse on homophobia and queer liberation around herself, she sings the lines: “But I've learned a lesson that stressin' and obsessin' / 'bout somebody else is no fun / And snakes and stones never broke my bones”. I’m not really surprised that it doesn’t “break her bones,” given how successfully she has marketed and monetized her feuds and her own victimhood; this is just a newnother rebranding of said victimized persona, and even though she may not be bothered, there are real stakes to it beyond the “lack of fun”.

So let’s get into it. As I said before, Swift is dangerously misrepresenting what homophobia is and what it looks like, namely through the use of a progress “wrong side of history” narrative. The lines run “Why are you mad when you could be GLAAD?...Sunshine on the street at the parade / But you would rather be in the dark ages” and the music video shows what Kornhaber, writing for The Atlantic, aptly describes as “an unwashed-looking mob” holding childish signs with misspellings and the all-time classic “Adam + Eve Not Adam + Steve.” Korhnaber points out the more common use of “God Hates Fags” signs; personally, I’ve also seen a lot of the “HolyBible” “After Death, the Judgement” signs. In Swift’s narrative, homophobia looks like the obvious, regressive, primitive villain; the already defeated. Perhaps worse, it looks like the rural poor, against the backdrop of rich queer celebrities. This narrative works to render invisible the poor-and-queer, and it undermines the real dangers homophobic violence poses by imagining homophobia has already lost. Imagining homophobia as thirteen unwashed rural poor people who can’t spell the word “moron” obscures the reality that there are also the Mike Pences and the Philip Anschutzs and the laundry list of other rich and connected anti-LGBT politicians, activists, and donors who have very real effects on the lives of the disabled, people of color, women, LGBTQ+ folks, the poor, immigrants, and all the intersections thereof. This also ties into the way Swift puts forward the solution “You just need to take several seats and then try to restore the peace / And control your urges to scream about all the people you hate.” As meaningless as these lines are overall, the insinuation that there is a “peace” that we can be “restored” to that would benefit the marginalized and oppressed is ridiculous and harmful, and again misrepresents the problem. Moreover, it suggests the problem could be understood as one of bodily discipline: if homophobes “controlled” themselves better, didn’t scream so much, there wouldn’t be a problem--this gets us back to the problematics of representing homophobia as exclusively the undisciplined poor, rather than the rich and connected. It also leaves room for the potential insinuation that everybody who is angry on the internet needs to calm down; I’ve seen a lot of jokes that this Pride Month, the 50th anniversary of Stonewall, we’re returning to our rebel roots and also celebrating Wrath. I certainly don’t plan to calm down, thanks anyway, Taylor.

In this same vein lets consider the much quoted line: “'Cause shade never made anybody less gay”. This was the first line I heard from the song, and my immediate problem with it was, as Korhnaber also points out, that throwing shade comes from queer communities of color, and “there are many ways to describe a parent who disowns a trans kid, or a lawmaker who tries to nullify same-sex marriages, or a church member who crashes a gay soldier’s funeral. Shady isn’t one.”

Swift hides from potential criticism/backlash behind a psuedo-feminist “female solidarity” with lines such as: “And we see you over there on the internet / Comparing all the girls who are killing it / But we figured you out / We all know now we all got crowns.” While there certainly are people who try to pit women against each other on the internet, again this is something which Taylor Swift has directly utilized multiple times to make herself money. I’m glad celebrities know they’ve all got crowns, but in what world does this benefit the non-rich and famous?

#taylor swift #queer theory #pride month #homonormativity #heteronormativity #homophobia #slurs cw #essay #maybe i can't say it in the street but taylor if you or your publicity team wanna respond heres an open invitation #bc FOR REAL they dont even put a link to the petition in the description which is WILD like if ur gonna go for the optics of wokeness #at least follow through that much lmao #anyways as always i wrote this in a 2 hour rant so ill fix typos as i catch them

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ellieaelious · 5 years

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Ellie Aelious }{Multiverse OC}{Post Fire Crisis

A/N: Finally complete!!! It was a long road, and took way too long, but it is finally finished! I ended up cutting a lot of things from it that did not have to do with her character, which helped a lot. If anyone has any questions, please feel free to DM me. I’ve been working on her for about fifteen years, and I still don’t have all the kinks worked out, but it’s been a fun road to get here!

This is Ellie after she gains control over the fire realm and the element of fire, all the way through her worlds Armageddon. Ten years pass in the human realm, while over 5,000 pass in the elemental realms. You have the option of choosing what stage of her life you interact with her, or I can toss her at you during a time I believe will best suit our roleplay.

So when you see an x-z that means that depending on the time frame, is dependent on when she looks or acts like X or Z. She will also change and grow in the threads we have.

Credit: Big-Ass Character Sheet by Character-Resources This is going to be what I use from now on for all of my muses, regardless if they are OC or canon. Everyone can get a good idea of them, and it will also help me when it comes to writing, since I won’t have to explain every single thing over and over again.

Verse: Realms series (book series I’m writing) Date: 7/18/2019 Full Name: Ellen Sebastiana O’Donnelly Pronunciation: El-en Sea-bass-tea-ah-na Oh-Don-el-ee Nickname/Alias: Ellie Aelious Meaning: Ellie-Pet form of Ellen or more commonly Eleanor, which itself is of Hebrew origin and comes from the Hebrew element 'el' meaning 'god' and 'or' meaning light, so the name means 'God is my light' or 'God is my candle'. Aelious-The Realmain form of “Aelius” which is a Roman family name which was possibly derived from the Greek word 'ηλιος (helios) meaning "sun". Origin: Not going to lie. I thought of the name and then the meaning just worked. That’s usually how I pick common names. For other languages, I research them. I seriously thought I made up Aelious, until Google said “Did you mean Aelius. Title: Ruler/Commander, Healer, Priest Pet Name: Aelious is actually a surname and nickname given to her by Cynbel (jfc I gotta do him too). ID Number: AR-24601 Signature: She’s ambidextrous, and before the loss of her left arm was left dominant. She still wrote with her right hand, but her handwriting is very elementary school level. Her robotic prosthetic could write perfectly, however after her arm regrows she is left with a limb that trembles and twitches when she goes to write. It makes her signature almost illegible, and she prefers to initial with her right hand. Gender: Female Gender Role: Very femme and lady like. Orientation: Pansexual/Polyamorous Real Age: Although she was born in 1983, because of the time differences between the human and element realms she is between 137-268 post arm loss, and can be anywhere up to five thousand after her arm regrows. Age Appearance: 21 Birthday: March 10th, 1983 Deathday: Armagaddon, exact date unknown. Birthplace: New York, New York, USA Astrological Sign: Pisces Zodiac Sign: Water Pig Immediate Family: Legal Guardian: Earnest O’Donnelly (deceased) Mother: Tonalnan (deceased) Father figure: Cynbel Uncle: Dante (DMCverse) Half-Brother: Nero (DMCverse) Adoptive Brother: Peter Jason Quill (GotG) Mother figure: Marina Udonta Distant Family: Father: Aluk Mal Tuk Grandfather: Shin Kage Grandmother: Eveelyn Ardelian Species: Realmain (I will be posting separately about this race.) Ethnicity: Celtic and Hispanic Blood Type: Formerly O+. She no longer has blood, and instead bleeds a silver liquid. Preferred Hand: Left Facial Type: Diamond Eye Color: Dark brown. White or red when using air and fire abilities respectively. Hair Color: Black Hairstyle:

Skin Tone: Pale White when using air powers. Dark tan when using fire. Complexion: Clear Makeup: Very light make-up during special occasions. Has started wearing winged eyeliner. Build: Body claim is Samantha Wright

Height: 5′3-5′8 Weight: 538lbs - 598lbs Cup Size: A-C cup Facial Hair: none Shoe Size: US 7 - US 9.5 Birthmarks/scars: A large scar going from her left shoulder, across her chest, and stopping half way to her right. It goes from the base of her neck to the beginning of her cleavage, around to her back. It stops at the nape of her neck and right before her shoulder blades on the left. It’s from when she had her left arm ripped off, along with a good portion of her skin.

After her arm regrows, the scar mostly heals, only leaving a faint outline around her left shoulder.

She has a mole/beauty mark on her left side, right under her bottom lip.

Many faint and small scars pepper her body, visible under a blacklight or bioluminescence given off by plants and insects.

In an alternate timeline, (DmCverse), she has half of her face scarred by an angel’s attack. Her eye is red, and it goes into her hairline, all the way to the back of her head. Distinguishing Features: Her eyes are her most distinguishing feature, able to convey a thousand emotions at once. Because of her empathic ability, if she looks someone else in the eyes, she is not only able to read their emotions, but also alter how they see her.

As she grows older, her eyes convey less innocence, and more of someone who is weary. Although the light has not gone out behind her eyes, it has dimmed significantly from when she first became a ruler.

She always has an innocent appearance about her features, usually appearing dumbfounded by the world around her. It’s not a true reflection of herself, but something that most people see at first glance. Health: She’s very healthy and her diet consists of mostly meat. She works out daily and although she loves sweets, limits them to once a week. Energy: She generates, at the minimum, enough energy to keep two realms and their inhabitants alive. That is around 6-9 billion per realm. This energy is all in reserve, and not accessible for fighting.

Aside from that, in her home dimension she generates enough excess energy to command both air and fire. She is one of the eight strongest beings, aside from angels or demons, and ranks somewhere in the third or forth strongest. Her max power level sees her generating enough energy to destroy a planet the size of her largest realm, twice.

Outside of her dimension, her excess power is diminished by half, and she can only regenerate after sleeping twelve or more hours. Because of this, she uses physical attacks when outside of her own dimension. Memory: Her memories are tied to emotions. The stronger the emotion at the time, the more likely she is to remember the event in detail. She also remembers odd events, like someone mentioning rubberbands. Senses: Her eyesight is well enough she doesn’t need to use a mounted sight on a firearm. She can see for several miles, but cannot see in dim or low lighting.

She can feel vibrations and use them to navigate in the dark as well. This has helped since she began losing her hearing a century ago.

Her sense of smell and taste are better, able to recognize someone’s scent, and develop a taste signature for them as well. This also has the negative affect of smelling something horrible, and also developing a taste signature for it. Fortunately, her nose is not what she breaths out of, so she can avoid this most times.

Her sixth sense, if you will, is extremely high. She can read a persons emotions from the next room, feel the presence of demonic entities, and can hide her own presence from them.

Allergies: Strawberries, birch water, cut grass. Handicaps:

With her hearing failing, it has been difficult for her to adjust to using vibrations to get around. While she can feel the vibrations of someone talking, she is still not fully able to differentiate between words.

After the loss of her left arm, she suffers from muscle spasms in her left shoulder. Even after her arm regrows, she has painful and powerful muscle spasms. They will often require her to take a moment to collect herself, as she’s almost blacked out from the pain.

Although she’s not mentally slow, because of her time being raised among humans, her actual brain deteriorates whenever she goes back to the human realm. This includes other dimensions that are heavily populated by humans. She will sometimes stare off into the distance or quit speaking, only to act like nothing happened. This is her healing factor attempting to repair the damage.

Highly prone to panic attacks. When she has one, she will find it difficult to breath and begin to disrobe so her lungs can have better access to air. These have lasted up to three days, and she becomes violent when people approach her during them.

She has grotesque visions of hell, and often hears demons whispering in her ear. This can cause her panic attacks, as well as send her into a temporary delirious state. Dante and Cynbel are the only ones that can calm her down when she gets like this.

Medication: She usually chews on herbs and roots from the nature realm for ailments. She also eats ‘edibles’, a relaxant from the nature realm that has similar properties to marijuana. She eats them in marshmallow form, usually to get high. Phobias: Spiders, water, being alone, the dark, and whispering. Addictions: Salted marshmallows. She will do almost anything for them. Mental Disorders:

Humans call is schizophrenia, while Realmains call it ‘Heaven Sight’. This causes her demonic visions, auditory hallucinations, as well as her anxiety. These have been constant since birth.

She is severally depressed, often on the verge of crying. This is considered a serious mental disorder caused by her high empathy. There is no way to treat it, other than developing apathy.

Style: Ellie’s style is very modest. While nudity is common in the realms, and she is comfortable with it, she covers up completely when outside of her realm. Her military uniform changes, but usually consists of vests, cargo pants, and military boots.

Her formal attire as a ruler ranges from ancient Grecian/Roman robes, to something akin to Elvish dress. It’s the few times she wears dresses anymore.

When she is having a casual day, it’s leggings/jeans and a loose fitting shirt. She does enjoy dressing in flowing garments, and does have a personal tailor that designs her clothing to wear outside of the nine realms. In her later years, she wears more fun things, and sometimes will be seen in her brother’s hoodie and booty shorts if she’s woken up suddenly.

All of her military clothes are white, while her casual clothing changes in color. She does not wear black, as it’s against her vows as a sacred virgin. Grooming: Her hair is always well maintained and braided, only becoming messy in battle. Even then, she is quick to fix it.

After an encounter with a demonic entity later in life, she has kept her hair cut very short, only a few inches long. When questioned about it, she will change the subject immediately.

As far as other hair goes, because she does not produce pheromones the same way as other mammals, she has little to no body hair to worry about. Posture: Her posture if usually back straight, chest out, chin up, and hands on her hips or crossed. If she is in a more relaxed setting, or not trying to be intimidating, she will let her hip cock to the side and slouch just a bit.

When frightened, she will hunker down and cower, making herself as small as possible.

Gait: She can’t help but have a very bouncy way of walking. Because she is usually just barely levitating off the ground, her motion is very fluid and swaying.

When approaching an enemy or upset, she will have a stalking manner of movement. Her shoulders will be forward, her steps heavy and deliberate, and fists clenched. Coordination: When in a fighting mindset, her reflexes and coordination are topnotch. Very little will get by her, and she is able to dodge bullets, as well as deflect them back to her opponent. It’s taken her almost two hundred years to perfect.

Outside of battle, she has tripped over her own feet. While levitating. She’s merely easily distracted, and doesn’t pay attention to her surroundings unless she has to. Habits and Mannerisms:

Left over from when her time without her arm, she will often let her left arm fall slack, forgetting it’s her own. This will cause her to bump into things with it.

She wrings her fingers a lot when she is nervous, and bites her bottom lip.

When she is focused on a task, or trying to decipher something, she will whisper to herself, along with moving her fingers like she is slowly typing in the air.

When frightened, she will immediately bite her lips and make her eyes wider. It’s instinctive to attempt to bring out the nurturing side of whoever is frightening her.

She has a habit of lightly touching people without realizing it. It’s often confused for flirting, but it’s only because she is touch starved.

She will pull out a book and read when she feels she is being ignored, purposely ignoring the other when they try to get her attention.

Scent: Spring Jasmine by Wild Spirit Mood: Contemplative is her usual mood when you catch her off guard. She has a lot on her mind, and not a lot of time to herself. She acts happy around others, smiling and laughing, but it’s only because she is replaying old emotions to make other feels better. She is no longer ignorant to the world, and has seen and experienced the darkness it holds. It weighs on her heavily and makes her very tired.

Being an empath, her mood is also determined by those around her. If you’re mad, she’ll be mad. If you’re being rude, she will reflect it back on you. Although she is kind at the core, she will stand up for herself and give you a taste of your own personality. Attitude: She has a very positive and upbeat attitude, despite her circumstances. She always tries to get people to be happy and rally the troops.

She can and does do a 180, and will become angry, and ho boy, whoever is on the receiving end is in for it. She has been called merciless and monstrous in her rage. Stability: Her emotional spectrum is all over the place. As the strongest empath of her world, she is able to feel the emotions of every living thing all at once. As a child, it caused her attempted suicide. And while she has learned to cope, it does become overwhelming.

Her personal emotions can also be affected by someone else. This means, feelings of love may not always be hers. Expressiveness: She is always very open with how she feels. If she is choosing to be distant with someone, it’s a bad sign. When Happy: She will often hum a tune, usually a soft cover of a metal band. She may even do Tai Chi moves or spin if she’s really happy. When Depressed: She’s always in some form of depression, but at it’s worst she will hide herself away to cry in peace. If she does manage to break down in front of someone, it can make her feel worse. Although she no longer cuts herself, she is not above ramming her head into the ground in an attempt to knock herself out. When Angry: When she becomes angry, she will become quiet and stiff. Her movements are quick and deliberate. She is at her most dangerous when angry or upset. Current Residence: She resides in the air realm, but does spend time in the fire realm as she is now the ruler of it as well. Community: The air realms community is very calm and peaceful. Even the soldiers are seen smiling as they go about their day.As their main duty is to pray and rally the troops, it is a very calming place to be.

The fire realm is friendly, but they value feats of strength and often friends will spar in the streets. It’s all in good fun, but takes some getting used to. Family: Ellie’s only living family is adoptive or half related to her. She spends most of her time with either Cynbel or Marina, and then Dante and Nero. Friends: Beau is her best friend, and it’s rare to not see them running around together.

After going through training with Ansinna, she has become best friends with her, and appointed her as a personal guard. Enemies: Her father, demonic creatures, and those who would hurt the innocent. Bosses: She is her own boss, answering to no one but a higher ranking angel or the Lord. Followers: All inhabitants of her realms and army answer to her. Heroes: Marina, being a strong woman is one of her idols. Most of the women in her life she aspires to be like. Aside from that, mentors from other dimensions. Rivals: Her Dark Saer alternate, as well as the demon Heretic. Pets/Familiars: The last chimera of her dimension, and she managed to tame it with a stick of beef jerky. It’s a shape shifter, and is usually in the form of a snake with rabbit ears. It wraps loosely around her neck, or takes residence in her cleavage. Equipment:

Weapons-Air

Ellie’s main weapon is a grey staffed naginata. It has a wider blade on one end, and her dagger bladed fan on the other. She is able to separate it at the middle for two weapons. It is an extension of her soul, and so long as she has the will to live and fight, it is unbreakable and unable to be wielded by any other. When another does decide to wield it, they will begin to gasp for breath before the oxygen is pulled from their body.

For a time she used one of her mother’s desert eagles. After an understanding came about between Nero and herself, she let it fall into the lake of fire. After this, Dante had her customized guns like his made. She calls them Alpha and Omega. Over time, Dante has taught her trick shots, and her and Nero perform a similar move to ‘Jackpot’ called ‘Fragmented Reality’.

Her custom lever action rifle has a white body with silver, Celtic knot accents. The bullets fired are made by gathering matter, which means the farther the bullet travels, the bigger is becomes. It’s her preferred form of firearm, however she is only accurate within her line of sight. If an enemy is behind her, she is unable to accurately fire at them. Because she shoots from the left, the recoil to her shoulder makes her have to take frequent breaks.

She is trained in a wide variety of weapons, but refuses to use swords. She is also trained to use unconventional weapons, such as household items and the environment.

Weapons-Fire

When she’s finally able to control her fire abilities, her naginata reverts back to her bladed fan. She uses it for defense mostly, relying on her other fire based weapon for offense.

The chain whip allows her to keep enemies at a distance, and control their movement. Should one get too close, she will wrap her whip around them, activating the blades and using it as a medieval styled chainsaw.

Her guns are named vitam et mortem (life and death in Latin) while in her fire form. Vitam has the ability to raise an ally back from near death, while mortem can kill with a single shot.

Her rifle turns into a Day of the Dead themed lever action shotgun called Vespillo (Latin for Undertaker).

Technology-

The nine realms are far more technologically advanced than most other worlds. As such, she has some very useful equipment. One of which is her visor (I will provide references later). It’s a thin piece of crystal that forms across her eyes that acts to protect them, as well as provide an HUD with her stats, as well as information about the area around her. It’s linked to three micro bots that float around the area, allowing her to enter into a third person mode.

Later in life, the visor is replaced by contact lenses that connect through micro wires into the user’s nervous system. This allows the user to non-verbally control what they are seeing, and switch between 1st person, 3rd person, night vision, and HUD.

Before her arm grew back, she had a robotic prosthetic. While it mimicked the look and feel of her original arm, it was still traumatic to use. It was able to detach and move independently to scout an area, attack, and shock an enemy.

If she’s not using her visor or contacts, she does use her IDA. Inter-Dimensional Assistant. It’s a small piece of crystal that holds a super computer, and is wired to her home dimensions mainframe. She’s able to make phonecalls, hack into systems, give someone a physical, X-Ray, produce holograms, and all kinds of neat Sci-Fi stuff.

Recently, after discovering their enemy has been using habitable planets to farm humans, space ships have become a thing. She’s still hesitant about using them, but her current vehicle is able to use collapsible technology to change into a fighter jet, or a short flight space ship.

Accessories:

Tattoos-

On her left arm, after it grows back, is a faint purple outline of her veins.

On her right arm, after retrieving the crown of thorns, it wrapped around her right forearm and embedded into her skin as a tattoo.

Her legs are tattooed with a black background encasing Celtic knots on her left, and Mayan ruins on her right.

Her back has a cross burned into it, going from the base of her neck to her tailbone.

Lastly, on her chest is a black hand print from her mother marking her, over her heart.

Piercings- Only one in each ear.

Trinkets: Star of David necklace and cross earrings. Will occasionally wear bracelets during formal events. Funds: Money has no value in the nine realms. However, the fire realm has diamond rain whenever a volcano erupts, and any gold farmed is used for trade with humans. Her actual wealth, like all other rulers, is immeasurable. She enjoys giving it away, as she does not like the idea of money. Lovers:

The former ruler of water, Mick, was her first crush. She loved him deeply, and had to hold him in her arms as he died. This pretty much scarred her from developing feelings for men.

Right before the death of her first love, she agreed to marry someone for a peace treaty. After the wedding, she locked herself away and protected herself with a powerful storm. A clone of her was used to kill Mick, and afterwards a very bloody and very quick war broke out, involving the death of her husband.

Cetrion is a former lover. Because of their virtuous nature they both found comfort in each other. It was broken off by Cetrion at the behest of Kronika. It still hurts Ellie deeply.

She has a crush on Leon S. Kennedy, and chooses to stay away from him because of it.

Erron Black gives her confusing feelings. She isn’t sure if she likes him, or wants to shoot him.

Enchantress/June Moone. A former girlfriend while Ellie was coming into power. Although she loved her, the relationship was not good mentally for Ellie and she broke it off.

Jason Todd was a mentor turned boyfriend for a few weeks, before they both realized it wouldn’t work. They are still friends.

Marital Status: Multiship Sex Life: SACRED.VIRGIN. (But I mean...boop her) Type: She is accepting of many types, so long as you are not a bad person. Even then, if you redeem yourself, she can find you suitable. This is not to say she will only date a hero type. She wants someone that is true to themselves, whatever that truth may be.

She is very busy, and will not have time for you 24/7. If she is called off on a mission, it doesn’t matter if you’re cuddling on the couch, on a date, or anything else. Her duty comes first. She won’t want to leave, but she will and apologize later. Her lover needs to be understanding of this.

It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, but this is her lifes work. This is what she was created and chosen for. And when the final battle comes, you won’t see her for a long time, if ever again. Turn-Ons: She wants someone that she won’t have to worry about as much. It’s hard to love mortals, so someone that could live as long as her would be preferred. She doesn’t want someone that will worship her, as that can be seen as breaking the commandments of the nine realms, but will appreciate her. They need to be understanding that she is a broken person and not all of her pieces are there, and they’re not coming back.

If she can lay with you while you play with her hair, rub her back, and just be physically there to tether her to the world, it will mean everything to her.

Lastly, someone that will just be kind to her. That she can come home to after a long week, month or some extended period of time and be close to. She doesn’t need anyone that will get tired of waiting for her and leave, as her duties will always come first. Turn Offs: Someone that is cruel to her or others. Disrespectful, tries to change who or what she is. Just don’t be a moist bint. Position: Switch. Sub in her human form, dom in her true form Sub position: The Seashell. She loves to be on her back with her lover’s hands wrapped around her ankles, pushing them back behind her head and into the mattress. Dom position: The Amazon. With a set of hands holding her lover’s knees or ankles, another hand hold their wrists together above their head, and her free hand to explore or choke them. Fetishes: Human Form-

Reassurance/Praising. Either her reassuring her partner or vice versa. Punishment/Desecration. She has a deep seeded desire to be punished, and a dark part of her wants to be desecrated (i.e. her willingly breaking her vow). Biting/Clawing/Marking. Choking. Since she doesn’t have an air passage in her throat, it’s more or less the idea of it. Blood flow can still be cut off to her brain, giving the desired light headed effect. Submissive positions. She enjoys being put into submissive potions over ones where she is the dominate party. Voyeurism. She can turn and her partner invisible, allowing for public places to be a go. She also likes to be watched, and wouldn’t mind if her lover caught her playing with herself.

True form- Breeding. Her main motive is to become impregnated. She’ll want you to finish inside of her. Restrains. Having four arms now, she will want to pin and restrain her partner. Marking. She will bite, claw, suck, anything she can to prove that you are her’s alone. Dominated. Despite being the dominate one, if she is dominated in battle, she will present herself on her knees with her hands held above her head, butt raised to show she submits. Virginity: She still is one.

Element: Air and Fire. Religion: Realmain, a mix of Christianity and Judaism. Morals: Ellie is a morally upstanding citizen, for her dimension. While her duty is to protect the sanctity of human life, she will kill those that seem innocent if she is ordered to. One of the messier jobs to perform is killing children that are blacklit for death. Because this is seen as holy work, she feels no guilt for it.

She is unable to willfully lie, but whatever someone tells her, unless she knows better, will be her truth. This causes her to be easily manipulated.

While stealing is a huge no, reclaiming lost or stolen goods is acceptable. By any means.

Outside of her dimension, humans are not protected. If it means obtaining her goal or completing her mission, she can and will kill an innocent person. This is only done as a last resort, and she does her best to avoid it. Motivation: From the time she learned of the prophecy, her goal in life has been to lead the virtuous life that would allow her to pass into the dark halls unseen by evil. She knows that she will go through horrible things (such as being raped, crucified, tortured and killed, only to be brought back) but in the end it is worth it. This will allow her to let the angels into the dark halls, and kill Aluk Mal Tuk, the half demon half Realmain that raped her mother. Priorities: The code of the realms is “For Realm, For Ruler, For God” and she lives by this code. She serves her God first, and the duties bestowed upon her by Him, and then her Realm. Relationships, friendships, and anything else are the last thought on her mind. Philosophy: Ellie sees and feels the absolute worst that humanity has to offer. She feels the suffering of the universe, and takes pity on it. She believes that everything has a reason, even the worst things. In the end, it will all be worth it. Because it has to be, or what was all this suffering for. Etiquette: Ellie has very good etiquette. She was trained by Cynbel in the ways of royalty, and displays respect to almost all races. The more evil races, she will act more animalistic around, since they look down on kindness. Culture: Being from a Hispanic and Celtic background, Ellie enjoys celebrating the holidays and festivals of both. Within reason. She does not practice anything that would be considered idol worship. She practices mostly Jewish and Realmain customs as well.

Main Goal: Keep the world turning until Armageddon is upon her dimension. Even if it kills her. Minor Goals/Ambitions: Protect as many lives, human or otherwise, as she can. Desires: Ellie desires rest. She does not enjoy doing what she does by any means. It causes her great mental anguish to keep pushing herself, but she has to. For her reward, she only wishes to rest. Accomplishments: Freeing herself from her inner darkness, and having her left arm regrow as a reward. Greatest Achievement: Commanding both the fire and air realms. Biggest Failure: Her mother and first love had to die in order for her to begin to fight and defend others. Secrets: She is aware that Cynbel is her father. And while she was upset that he hides this from her, she doesn’t mention it. Regrets: Her suicide attempts. Worries: Failing everyone around her. Best Dream: Being rewarded not just with rest, but someone that could make her happy. Worst Nightmare: Falling into temptations and being pulled into hell. Or living with her mother. Best Memories: The times she spent with Mick and her friends. Worst Memories: Having her arm ripped off during the battle for Hong Kong. Later in life, when the demon Heretic reveals they molested her, and the memories of the events come flooding back to her. Powers/Abilities: ~Generic/No category~ -Immortality. She can only be killed by a demi god, angel, or another ruler’s weapon. If she dies by other means, she will be reformed in the lake of life. -Super strength. She is able to lift up to ten tons with ease. Anything more and her muscles begin to break down. -Speed. Although not the fastest, she is able to move fast enough to dodge bullets. -Super reflexes. She can block most blows and react quickly to most attacks. -Stamina. Her body does not produce lactic acid, meaning she does not show signs of fatigue and has stamina for weeks. -Her senses are heightened to super human levels, allowing her to perform at her highest levels. -Empathy. She is the strongest empath of her world, emotionally connected to all living beings. She is able to take the emotions away from a being and put them in another, or store them for future use. She can easily read a room and someone’s intent before officially meeting them. She can also distribute and terrifying presence to stun and scare opponents, or produce a calming affect. -A healer by nature, she is a skilled surgeon with years of practice. With her speed, she is able to perform complex operations in little to no time. -She has a vast knowledge of herbal remedies, as well as traditional medicines. -She is immune to all forms of magic, but she herself cannot affect magic things in return. ~Air~ -Ability to completely control and manipulate the air. From creating tornado, to pulling the air out of the cells of a person. She is the embodiment of air, and it bends to her will. -Turn invisible at will. -Teleport by creating a small gust of wind. -Pull oxygen out of a specified area. -Flight and levitation. -Control other air based beings -Place her hand over someone’s mouth to administer CPR. ~Fire~ -Ability to control and manipulate fire and fire based things. Such as lava. -Encase her body is magma rock. -Breath fire. -Engulf her body in fire to protect her. -Command other fire based beings. -Generate enough heat to perform a super nova. Although not as hot, she will explode with enough intensity to destroy a decently sized planet. This causes her to black out for several weeks. -Heal those that have been injured by fire. She can take the wounds upon herself, allowing the person to be completely healed of fire based wounds. ~Holy~ -On touch, she can burn anything of demonic origin. This includes her brother and uncle, who are both part demon. -Using her right hand to calm the person, she can then use her left to reach into someone and pull a demon out by force. -Ability to see a demonic presence, no matter how it hides. She can also see angelic writing, directing her to hide or run. -Enter Limbo and Hell unseen. -Open portals to send demons back to hell. -While imbued with the power of the Lord, no one may sin against her flesh. This means that as long as she has her powers, she is unable to be raped or molested. -Light does not bother her. In fact, she can see perfectly fine in it. If a flash bang were to go off, other than the noise distortion, she would be fine. Origin: Bestowed upon her by the will of the Lord. Her dimension is Christianity based. Source: The source of her powers vary. While she can use hand movements, she mostly stands still and wills her abilities into use. Although some still require a source, i.e. breathing fire. Ability: While her abilities to control air is natural, it took centuries of training to finally accept and control her fire abilities. Later in life, she is adept in all of her powers. Weaknesses:

She is unable to survive in water. If it goes above her hips, she will begin to drown. Her powers do not work while she is wet, in the rain, or humid environments.

Her empath abilities become overwhelming, and it makes it hard for her to function in large groups. The more evil a person is, the harder it is for her to function around them.

While in other dimensions, she is able to die, since she is cut off from her main power source.

If someone drop kicks her in the gut, it will stun her for an extended period of time.

Demi god weapons, angelic weapons, fallen angel weapons, and another ruler are able to permanently kill her.

She cannot see in dim light to darkness. She will be completely blind, and greatly weakened.

Her hellish visions weaken her over time.

Despite feeling someone’s ill intent, she is usually willing to give them a chance.

Immunities: Fire and air based attacks have no affect on her.

Alternate Forms: ~Air Form~ Natural Ellie. This is the form she is always in, also referred to as her human form. She has a more Celtic appearance, pale skin, red lips, dark hair and eyes.

~Fire Form~ Taking on a more Hispanic appearance, her eyes are red, skin a deep tan from being burnt from within, and her hair sprouts red roses. Her attire changes as well, wearing a red cloth corset, dark red jeans and boots, and usually Dia de la muerto make-up. The more she uses her powers, her skin will burn to a crisp, cracking open and revealing the fire burning at her core. She will often have smoke coming from her pores, and cough up lava.

~True Form~ After entering her final life cycle, she gains her true form ability to mate/reproduce. Her skin becomes a light grey, her veins visible and a dark silver underneath. She grows another five inches, and her arms become longer. Her nails are black and pointed, coated in a paralyzing poison.

Her face is more pointed, teeth now sharp and look like they’re made of a silver metal. Her eyes are a swirling mix of greys and white, hair slicked back and bristly. Black and fluffy antenna come from her forehead, like a moth. Black stripes are along her sides and neck, opening up to reveal pheromone producers.

She grows another set of arms under her original, usually holding her staff weapon.

Extra Anatomy: Her lungs are actually pockets attached to the underside of the skin of her torso and back. This means that she breaths through the pores of her skin.

Favorite Colors: Greys, whites, and pastel shades of blue and pink Favorite Animals: Dogs and large wild cats Favorite Mythological Creatures: Chimeras Favorite Places: She has a pocket dimension that is a library, filled with endless books. Other than that, Greece and quiet beaches. Favorite Landmarks: Acropolis Favorite Flavors: Leather, sea salt, and cotton candy Favorite Foods: Shrimp mee hoon and salted marshmellows Favorite Drinks: Blackberry wine, coke, and sarsaparilla. Favorite Characters: Mal and Zoe from Firefly Favorite Genre: Romantic horror Favorite Books: Where the red fern grows Favorite Movies: Westerns Favorite Games: Chess, even though she’s not that great at it. Dodge ball. Favorite Shows: Firefly, Star Trek, Telanovellas. Favorite Music: Heavy metal, hard rock, classical. Favorite Bands: Asking Alexandria, All That Remains, In this Moment, Flyleaf, and Les Fiction. Favorite Songs: This probably won’t end well by All That Remains, Hopelessly Hopeful by Asking Alexandria, ME!ME!ME! by Teddyloid Favorite Sports: Soccer and the Realmain gauntlet. Favorite Stores: Realmain market places Favorite Subjects: Math and art Favorite Numbers: 100, 34, and 7 Favorite Websites: Doesn’t have any Favorite Words: Bueller, bumble bee, amor Favorite Quotations: "Lastly, waging war against good people is bad for the soul. This may not seem important to you now, but it's the most important thing I've said."— Joshua Graham Least Favorite Colors: Oranges and yellows. Least Favorite Animals: Domestic cats Least Favorite Mythological Creatures: Nagas, gorgons, Minotaurs, and Pans. Least Favorite Places: Anyplace with a dark history. Least Favorite Landmarks: Eiffel tower Least Favorite Flavors: Fermented tastes, rotten, too sweet. Least Favorite Foods: Eggs, liver, and hot dogs. Least Favorite Drinks: Beer, whiskey, lemon lime soda. Least Favorite Characters: Aeris from FFVII. Any character, male or female, that is overbearing about relationships and tries to force themselves on someone. Least Favorite Genre: Reality Least Favorite Books: Self help books Least Favorite Movies: Ninja Mime 4 Least Favorite Games: Puzzle games, because she’s not confident in her abilities. Least Favorite Shows: Reality shows Least Favorite Music: Rap/Hip Hop, R&B Least Favorite Bands: Modern hip hop and rap bands. Least Favorite Songs: Dance (A$$) because it’s always playing at strip clubs Least Favorite Sports: Cricket and blood sports. Least Favorite Stores: Outlet malls Least Favorite Subjects: Wood shop, economics. Least Favorite Numbers: 6 Least Favorite Websites: Doesn’t have one. Least Favorite Words: Curse words Least Favorite Quotations: “I’ll rid the world of each one of you,” he whispered. “Every single one…” ― Zoe Cruz, Beastia Languages: English, fairly good with Mandarin, Greek, Enochian/Realmain, learning Japanese, Yiddish. Accent: She has a heavy Southern accent when she speaks quickly, which is why she’s trained herself to speak slowly and hide her accent. Voice: Low and quiet Speech Impediments: Forgets words easily and will use gibberish as a replacement. Greetings and Farewells: “Give me you.” -When it’s a close friend she hasn’t seen for a while. “Ellie Aelious, rank ruler, part time healer.” -Military greeting “May your path be illuminated and never darken.” -Formal farewell “I really hope this isn’t a real goodbye, ya know?” -leaving a dimension, possibly for good. State of Mind: “I’m just really tired right now. I can’t really rest, but it’d be really nice if I could.” Compliment: “Wow, you’re really pretty/beautiful!” “You look like you could take me in a fight, to be honest.” “You’re tall. I like that.” Insult: “I hope you have the life you deserve.” “God loves you, even though you make it a might difficult.” “You’re an X.” (often randomly insults people with a noun they’ve just used.) Expletive: “Oh fiddle sticks.” “Gumdrops and holograms!” “God bless America...” “What in the nine realms!” “I’m sure -person- is off somewhere, disappointing the Lord with their actions.” Laughter: She will start with a sputter, and then go into a deep laugh, sometimes even snorting, which makes her laugh even harder. Tag Line: “This is fine. I accept this.” Signature Quote: “I have to do this. I need to do this. I can’t worry about either of our wants, desires, because this is so important. My entire life is leading up to that moment, and I’m not throwing it away because we love each other. If I do, then what was all this suffering for?”

Role: Her role as a ruler means that she is responsible for tens of billions of lives, as well as protecting humans from the evils of the realm of darkness. It is a heavy burden, but if one is to suffer it, why not it be her? Fulfillment: She devotes everything to her position, and has found favor in the eyes of the Lord. She has been blessed that no creature may sin against her flesh, so long as she is imbued with His power. Significance: Because she practices self sacrifice, in her words Armageddon, she will play a crucial role that will determine the outcome of the battle. Aside from that, she has inspired many of her counterparts to go on. Her determination to live and overcome has proved invaluable. Alignment: Lawful Good “The needs of my Lord, outweigh the desires of myself.” -Ellie Comparison: The wind. Ever changing, gentle, but destructive. Symbol: Handprint Song: Under Denver by Asking Alexandria Vice: Carnal desires and blood lust. Virtue: Ellie has taken the vow of Sacred Virgin. This means she will forgo her sexual desires, romances, and pleasure so she may enter into the dark kingdom unseen

Humility and compassion are often associated with her as well. She doesn’t feel she has a very important role, and takes pity on the suffering. Defining Moment: When she crawled her way out of hell, just to bring her mother’s dead body back for burial.

#Ellie aelious character profile #finally finished #about ellie #praise the lord this is done #Woooot!!

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bigmouthbadsleeper · 6 years

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Thoughts On Leaving.

My religion has always been something that is really personal to me, and because of that, it’s not something I write about often. While spirituality is something that I think is a defining characteristic for myself, organized religion is not (despite the fact that I belong to a church). Because I’m private about my religion and spirituality, it’s often hard for me to write about it. I don’t really want my spirituality to be reduced to a blog post, if someone were to only read one of these things. Anyway. There is something that I want to talk about, so I’m trying my best to do so with this post. I want to talk about maintaining healthy, happy relationships with those who don’t belong to my faith, and more specifically those I know who have left the church while I have chosen to stay. I don’t know the best way to say what I want to say. This is something that affects people I love and care for very deeply, and I think that’s why I’ve shied away from it for so long. I don’t want to upset or misrepresent anyone. I don’t want to say anything wrong or unhelpful. And ultimately, I still have those junior high feelings where I just want everyone to like me. I try not to shy away from topics that are uncomfortable because I feel like, who am I if I’m not sharing my personal uncomfortable/scary/sad experiences? If I don’t share, then I went through all the heartache and pain for no reason, and I can’t accept that.

My voice is the one thing I have on this earth that is truly my own, and I feel like I need to use it to try to help other people, or at least to connect with them. As a result, I tend to be an over-sharer. I’ve tried to curb that a little as I’ve gotten older, but I can’t. I truly don’t know another way to be. It’s kind of annoying to be honest! I’ve come to accept that this is who I am, and I try to use my over-sharing for good. So I am writing this piece the only way I know how- honestly. This may not be my most eloquent or well written thing that I’ve ever written, but I promise you it comes from a place of love. I’m speaking to you as if you are my friend, as if you know me personally, although I know that many of you don’t. I think this is the best way for me to talk about this subject, as if we are friends discussing it over lunch. I always say the hardest topics are best discussed with food close by. So grab a snack, and get ready.

All my life, I have been eager to be friends with people. Not a specific type of people. All people. I love people. The color of their skin, religion, location, weight, etc. has never mattered to me. Because of this eagerness, I think I came on a little too strong for most, which meant that I didn’t have many friends growing up. I was bullied pretty heavily in sixth grade, causing me to beg my mom daily to homeschool me so I wouldn’t ever have to go to junior high (she said no, by the way). Junior high wasn’t very easy for me either. I wanted so badly to fit in with the girls from my ward, but try as I might, I just didn’t. I wasn’t like them, and being aware that I was different than the popular kids was really hard for me. Even though I liked some of the things about myself that made me different, I wasn’t cool with being excluded. As I got older, I realized that it’s okay to not fit in, and eventually I grew to really like the things about myself that separated me from the “norm”. It just took me a while to get to that place of acceptance.

I entered high school the same way I had entered junior high- lonely and afraid, but something in me shifted. I didn’t want to play games with people anymore. I really wanted to be free from any friend drama or mean girls, and even though those things don’t ever really go away, I did cut back on it significantly. I stopped being shy around people and started opening up more. I found people who were lonely and maybe a little odd like myself, and asked them to hang out on the weekends or eat lunch with me at school. I made it my life’s goal to be a good friend to everyone. I did still come across some mean people, and experience some drama, because life will never ever be free of those two things, but I built a pretty solid network of people around me. For the first time in my life I had genuinely good friends, and lots of them. You’re probably wondering why I am boring you with my origins story. I’m giving you this background info so that you have an idea of how important real friends are to me. Some of my friends belong to the same religion I do, but many do not, and some of my friends that once belonged to the same religion I do, are no longer a part of it. This will always be one of the greater sorrows in my life.

I don’t really understand why it hits me so hard, but it does. I think it’s just hard for me to accept that something that has helped me so much in my life hasn’t been helpful for others. The first time I experienced this, I was pretty young, and I don’t think I handled it very well initially. I was sad, and my initial reaction was to shame my friend because of her decision. I knew that wasn’t the right thing to do, but because I was young I didn’t really know how to behave in a situation like that. I soon realized that the best thing to do for my friend was to treat her the same way I had always treated her. Just because her life had changed doesn’t mean our friendship had to. Even though I was sad about the situation, I made efforts to make sure our friendship stayed the same. It didn’t matter to me what my non-member friends believed, why should it matter to me what my former-member friends believed? Back then, I thought if someone left it meant they were choosing to do bad things, but I’ve learned that isn’t always the case. I have seen some incredible, good people leave the church, and go on to live good lives. Everyone’s path in life is different, and choosing another way to go doesn’t make someone stupid, weak, or evil. Not everyone has a testimony of the same things that I do.

Because of my relationship with my Savior and my feelings about the gospel, I had a hard time understanding how members could ever leave. Eventually I’ve come to understand that my experience with the church isn’t everyone’s experience with the church. However, I can relate to many of the negative experiences that people have had with some members of the church. In the end I’ve chosen to stay. Some of my friends, for perhaps different reasons, have chosen to leave. Everyone is on this earth to choose their own path. What is good for me isn’t always good for another, and though it took me a while to realize that, having that understanding has been helpful.

After my grandma died, I gained a testimony of how little we understand about what happens after we die. I’ve had experiences that have left me certain that even those who made many bad choices during their lives are happy on the other side. I am aware that probably makes me sound like a crazy person. I’m okay with that. We can’t see everything now, and we don’t have a complete understanding of why things happen the way they do. We have to trust that there’s more to our experiences than what we know now. If you’re a believer, then you believe that there’s a whole lot of stuff that happened before this life and there’s a whole lot of stuff that will happen after this life too. How can we judge a situation based on the limited view we have?

I’ve asked some friends who have left the church what they want me and others like me to know, and the answer overwhelmingly was that they are hurting too. We are sad that they have left, but oftentimes they are sad to leave. People don’t take this decision lightly, and we shouldn’t assume they’re taking the easy way out by doing it. Most often it’s a decision that took years to make, and a lot of courage to actually go through with. It’s hard to change something that has been a part of you for so long, and it’s hard to do it when so many people that you love are still a part of it. It’s not as easy as just quitting church. We need to understand that this is a decision that most have wrestled with for months if not years before leaving.

As I’ve been thinking about this topic over the past months, I’ve had an overwhelming feeling of love for my friends and family members who are no longer members of my faith. Even the ones I don’t really talk to much. I’ve wondered why that is. Why do I feel so much for people I don’t really see or interact with? Why for these people specifically? The other night I was struggling to write, so I asked my husband to give me a blessing. During the blessing, a calm feeling washed over me, and in my head I heard the clearest voice say to me, “The answer is love.” How do we maintain relationships with those friends or family members who have left the church? We love them, same as we always have. We love them harder, bigger, louder than ever. They need it, and so do we. “As I have loved you, love one another” are words from Jesus that we quote so often that it sometimes becomes trite. But it really is at the core of our religion. Serve. Be kind. Don’t judge. Love. Love. Love.

Just the same way our friends or family members might struggle with their decision to leave, we may also struggle to accept their decision. I know there have been times in my life when I haven’t reacted perfectly to this situation initially. It’s a hard thing. One of the hardest things for me to understand was how the gospel didn’t make everyone as happy as it has made me, or that not everyone finds peace and strength in basic gospel principles. When I was younger, I just assumed that everyone got the same thing out of the gospel that I did, and that everyone gained their testimony the same way. As I’ve grown up, I’ve learned that isn’t true. This doesn’t mean that those principles or teachings aren’t actually true. It just means that some people’s paths are more complicated. We are individuals, with our own experiences and our own freedom to choose. Not everyone is going to feel the exact same way about things that I do, and that’s okay. We aren’t being asked to judge others on their reactions to life, we are only asked to love everyone, and to treat them the way we would want to be treated. It’s not our job to worry about what judgment people receive from Heavenly Father. We have to remember that Heavenly Father knows people individually, and He knows them better than we ever could. We have to trust in Him, and in the knowledge we have that he is a fair and loving God. He will not fail us, or our friends, children, or family.

With things being the way they are in the world right now, we could all use more love. If you look at the world as a whole, it can feel overwhelming. Start by looking in your small circle. What can you do to show kindness to a family member or friend? What can you do to show love for your enemy? How can you conduct yourself in your life so that you accurately represent the Savior and all he stood for? He has a perfect love for each and every one of us. With an example like that, why is it so hard for us to show love to each other? As you make these small changes in your everyday life, in your small circle, I know you will be changed. You will find peace and comfort. And your goodness will spread. There are so many opinions and feelings that can drive us further apart from each other, but all any of us wants really, is to be loved. Pop stars sing about it, rappers rap about it, country singers croon about it. I mean if love can transcend music genres, what can’t it do?

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surveysonfleek · 6 years

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907.

Is popularity a social disease? if it matters that much to you, then yes, it’s a social disease. Would you want to be a hippie? not really. i respect the lifestyle and culture, i’m just not into it. In college, were you ever given exams with extremely broad and deep questions such as, ‘Why?’ or 'What is truth?’ it wasn’t a ‘what is the truth?’ type situation, it was more about what our opinion on the topic was. Have you knowingly destroyed an endangered plant or animal? nope. Did your parents bronze your first pair of baby shoes? i don’t think so... i’d know if it still existed if they did.

Do you check for a train when crossing tracks in your car even though the arms aren’t down? there aren’t many train crossings in my city tbh. i’ve never actually crossed one after all these years of driving. Is there gossip going around about you right now? i don’t think so. i live a pretty drama free life these days. How many comic strips do you read daily: none. If you were hiding from a burglar, would you hide in the closet or under the bed? under the bed i think. What do you most commonly use milk for: drinking or cooking? cooking. Who should provide the condoms in a relationship: the man or the woman? both should be responsible but the man should definitely always have some. imagine being the woman and always having to provide that? Are you ever afraid that people hate you and they’re just acting like they don’t? haha it’s definitely happened before. When you’re crossing the street with other people, do you ever feel a need to get to the other side first? nope. i just walk in the clearest path possible. Should people be able to go to college without a high school diploma if they score high enough on entrance tests? i mean, i think so. everyone has a right to an education. i don’t think entrance tests would be that easy either. Would you be embarrassed if people could hear you talking to your pets? haha no. If elephants were bred to a smaller size and sold as house pets, would you want one? it’d be a cool idea but probably not. Do you refer to people as 'dude’? no. Do you remember the last time you wrote a 'snail mail’ letter? haha nope. i’m assuming it would’ve been a greeting card though. Do you think beards/mustaches make men look older than they actually are? not particularly. Are you usually the one to initiate sex with your significant other? my boyfriend and i are pretty equal in this situation. When you’re having trouble burping when you feel like you need to, does patting yourself on the chest seem to help? haha no. i just do it. Do you have your wallet with you right now? yes. If it ever came down to a final battle between good and evil and you knew that evil was going to win, who would you fight for? i’d stay away as far from this battle as possible. i hate getting involved in conflict. Do you feel guilty when you borrow money from your parents? haha yes. Do you constantly have times where you have no money and then earn a lot of money and you don’t know what to do with it? no. my money always goes to bills etc. Do you always see yourself as the protagonist in the story of your life? of course. it’s my life. Can you drive by a car accident without staring? yes. i’ll have a quick glance but this shit causes soooo much traffic, even on the lanes going the opposite way. it drives me nuts. Do you find it a challenge to congratulate your opponent who just beat you in a game or competition? haha yes. Do you think that no matter how cold or heartless someone seems there is always at least one thing in the world that they love? yes, definitely. im sure 99.9% of people have a soft spot for something/someone. Who is worse: Someone who doesn’t repay a loan or someone that steals your CDs? someone who doesn’t repay a loan because i don’t own any cds haha. Why do you think so many homosexual men still go without condoms: because they don’t know of the dangers, or because they don’t care? both tbh. When you think about morality, do you think more in terms of good/bad people, or good/bad actions? actions. Which of these female comedians is funnier: Ellen Degeneres or Margaret Cho? i haven’t seen much of magaret cho’s stuff so i’ll just say ellen. Are you scared of dying alone? yes. dying in general. Are you most comfortable being treated by a doctor of the same sex as you? of course. Do you take daily walks? nope. i mean i walk everyday but i not like for exercise. Are there some slang terms you refuse to use? i hate the slang ‘litty’ lol. so cringy. Do you have a favorite pen that you use all the time? haha no. i have ones that i prefer writing with but i don’t have one fave. Have you ever changed an adult’s diaper? no. Do you think it’s dangerous or a good thing when two very depressed people start to date each other? dangerous. it’ll either go one of two ways. down a spiral of negativity if they’re feeding off each other’s problems or positive if they find true happiness within each other.

Do you know a game that is very stupid, yet very addicting? most iphone games haha. i’m totally guilty on this. Do you plan on having your children Christened/Baptised? probably. Would regularly seeing videos of you interacting with people significantly improve your overall human effectiveness? that’d be cool. i think it’d work lol. Have you ever misspelled 'misspell’? i haven’t ever had to use it much. Have you ever stayed up for more than 24 hours to study for an exam? nope. Have you ever been in the back of a moving truck? yes haha. When you were young, did you know some pop stars were gay? probably. Do you have control over how much peace there is in your mind? sure. If you got a backstage pass at a concert, would you feel better than everyone else? um, yes duh. Is your microwave any other color besides white? it’s black. Would you prefer a bagel or an entire breakfast in the morning? i’d prefer the bagel as long as there’s cream cheese. Do you think that couples that elope have a better chance of staying together? every couple is different. i’m not one to make a call on this. Do you know of a frozen dinner that tastes good? ugh, not at all. i hate them. Will public restrooms no longer be separated by gender in the near future? probably. If you do not eat red meat but eat fish are you a vegetarian? isn’t that a pescatarian? When you discard a piece of paper, which of the following are you more likely to do: rip it apart in pieces or crumple it? i’ve done both. if it’s a confidential document i’ll rip it up. Do you wear your pants and shorts above or below your waist line? above usually. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a sex change operation? yes. i’m assuming it’d be a mentally and physically draining experience. as long as they’re happy though. Do you call margarine 'butter,’ even though you know the difference? haha nope, i’ll call it margarine. Do you bathe less when you are depressed? yes. Should the ASPCA and RSPCA ban the practice of kidney transplants in cats, since cats can’t give consent for the surgery? i have no knowledge on this. Would you ever drink from a bowl or cup made out of human bones? probably not. just a creepy feeling. Does your car normally smell good? i guess so. i’m obsessed with air fresheners. Do you think 9/11 will be the worst thing you will see in your life? i mean it’s up there as one of the most memorable news stories of my childhood. but since i wasn’t there in person, i’m sure there could be worse things i experience personally throughout my life. Do you tend to do more research for school or papers at the library or on the internet? internet. Do you have an outfit you wear that makes you feel like a star? haha no. i’m yet to find the perfect outfit. You are working at McDonald’s frying meat. Your manager is being a jerk and you are ticked. A customer comes in and orders a 20-piece box of nuggets. Out of anger towards your manager, would you pack 20 or more, or 19 or less in that box? 20 or more. the customer didn’t do anything, why should they suffer? Once you’ve made up your mind about the kind of person someone is, can anything they say or do change it? yeah, it’s possible. Is there a single person whose whole existence you might be interested in studying? not seriously. a quick google search will do lol. Do you think that cuddling with a member of the opposite sex, with no intention of sexual relations, is cheating? i think it’s odd. why would you be cuddling someone that wasn’t your significant other in the first place? Which would you be willing to give up the internet for: world peace or immortality? world peace. i cbf being immortal if it means i can never go on the internet anymore. Are you a redneck? no. Do you think by 2050 there will be flying cars? i wouldn’t be surprised. Should politicians be allowed to have a private life? sure. Do you avoid going over to other people’s houses because it makes you feel uncomfortable or out of place? omg yes. i don’t mind it but i always feel so awkward. i’m just so comfortable in my own home, i’d prefer my friends coming over instead. If someone you don’t know too well puts you in the buddy list of his or her profile, would you be suspicious, or would it be OK that he or she did that? depends who it is. Do you have a trash can in every room of your home? most rooms. Who said “I love you” first: you, or your partner? me lol. Do you ever lay down and watch a movie, only to fall asleep in the very beginning and wake up when the movie is over? all the damn time. Do you say 'thank you’ before leaving a store, even though you may not have purchased anything? if someone’s helped me out, then yes definitely. Would you approve if your significant other wanted to have a nude painting done? sure. lol. If there were nine guilty people and one innocent, and they all had to be together, would you put them all in jail or set them all free? depends on the crime. Is your pet also your best friend? of course :) When the toilet backs up, do you call someone to fix it or do you do it yourself? i try to fix it myself. then i pass it on to my parents and then plumber if need be. Have you ever recited a love poem to your significant other? nope. Would you rather be 'all head and no heart’ or 'all heart and no head’? i’d rather be all heart and no head even though i’m probably the opposite. Are your teeth discolored? slightly. When you were a child, did you make or buy your Halloween costumes? mostly make thanks to my mum. Have you ever seen a movie and liked it but upon further viewing come to like it a lot less? nope. If your father was a minister, would you want him to preside over your wedding ceremony? nope. i’d want him to be my father on my special day, not as a minister. Would you prefer to watch porn or a really good comedy? comedy. How long did your longest phone conversation ever last? over 24 hours but technically it was on skype. Do you put your initials on everything you own? no. Do you like or dislike people based on who else likes or dislikes them? no. even with a bad rep, i’d figure them out on my own. Do you have a friend who you hang out with only when there is nothing else to do? haha no, that’s mean. Which is harder: calculus or trigonometry? i hate them both. Do you often find yourself correcting your parents? when it comes to technology...always. If you could stop aging at a certain age, do you know what that age would be? 25ish. Do you more often eat off of real plates or paper plates? real plates. Have you ever had tape over your mouth? i tried it out myself as a kid. haha. If you encountered someone you totally didn’t know and he or she seemed to tell you the solutions to your uniquely specific problems without having been told what they were, would you be more thankful or freaked out? i’d freak out. i’m skeptical about everything. Would you rather eat a raw egg or a scoop of raw hamburger? omg neither. Do shy kids tend to grow up to be freaks? whaaat? not at all. When you put on a shirt, do you button up or down? i button down. Do you scent your letters when you write to a special someone? haha yes, i did it years ago. Is punk influenced more by music or attitude? music. actually idk. Did you ever start a thread that got at least 40 posts? yes. Can you recall the ending of the last story you read? nope. Have you ever had your head stuck in an unusual place? no. Do you have any weird or funny local slang? haha yes. chat, ceebs etc. When you come online, is there always one person you look for? back in the msn days, yes. not anymore. Do lava lamps make you sick looking at them? i never had one, so no. i find them fascinating still. Will Hollywood ever run out of ideas for movies? they’ve already run out. i feel like everything is a remake of something these days. Does P. Diddy telling everyone that he is the new Frank Sinatra make you want to roll your eyes? haha he could not be serious. Do you think the state of the global environment will be better or worse in 50 years? wors. Do you eat dinner in the dining room or in the living room? both. Which Mike Judge cartoon do you prefer: Beavis and Butthead or King of the Hill? neither. never watched them. Have you ever fallen off your chair in public? no. When sleeping, do you face the doorway or have your back to it? face it. Do you find poetry that expresses pain and suffering to be more intriguing than other types? i hate poetry. Do you only pretend looks don’t matter because you’re ugly yourself? haha i don’t pretend. looks matter to an extent. Do you find limericks to be funny and clever or annoying? funny when i was a kid. Do you think you’d be capable of representing yourself in court rather than hiring an attorney to do it for you? no. When you flirt with someone, is it obvious or more subtle? awkward if anything. Which character do you think weighs more: Jabba the Hutt or Fat Bastard? idk lol. Do you think couples break up mainly because of differences they can’t resolve or because they have found someone new? it’s possible to simply fall out of love without having someone else in the picture. Do you reread things that are written well? yes. What hurts more: getting poked in the eye or biting your tongue? poked in the eye. Do you prefer merry-go-rounds or ferris wheels? ferris wheels. better views. Which do you prefer: original or flavored Tootsie Rolls? original. If you had three children, would you rather have two boys and a girl, or two girls and a boy? two girls and a boy. Is having a threesome basically approved cheating? if it’s approved, it’s not cheating. Is it a turn off to you if the woman has a deep, manly voice or if the man has a high, pre-pubescent voice? no. Have you copied (or “ripped”) your entire CD collection onto your computer? yep lol. Do you have buns of steel? i wish! Did you use floaties on your arms when you were learning to swim? yep. Did your first ever snog involve French kissing? no. there was a lot of pecking involved first. Do you know a person who is physically unattractive and yet a flirt? haha yes. Are there a lot of programs on your computer that you don’t know how to use? yep. like half of the adobe cs. Do you live in an uncomfortable environment, such as where you feel you cannot be yourself? nope. If you had discovered a body on the side of the road would you see if it was still alive? i’d be scared shitless but i would and call emergency. Does punishing everyone for the actions of the few get us closer to utopia? hell no. Can you finish an entire 2-liter bottle of soda by yourself in a single sitting? no way. i’d feel like shit. Have your parents ever forbidden you to play a certain type of music in their house? nope. Since you reached dating age, have you been single for more than three years? nope haha. i’ve been taken for most of my dating life. When buying shampoo or soap, do you choose one because of what they put in it, or because you like the smell? i buy based on what they’re supposed to do to my hair. Have you ever had writer’s block? never really had to write since uni, so no.

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

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stoweboyd · 6 years

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Work Futures Daily - Retreating to the Restroom

People are doing their work in the restroom, to get away from the noise and lack of privacy in open offices

2018-04-09 Beacon NY - The Pew Research Center for Internet and Technology have published a new report on The Future of Well-Being in a Tech-Saturated World, by Janna Anderson and Lee Rainie.

The report is a must read.

I am one of the several dozen respondents they polled in the report. One of my concerns is the negative impacts of overwork:

Stowe Boyd, futurist, publisher and editor-in-chief of Work Futures, said, “Well-being and digital life seem so intertangled because of the breakdown between personal and public life … that digital tools have amplified. One significant aspect of public life is our relationship to work. … We need to wake up to the proximate cause of the drive for well-being, which is the trap of overwork and the forced march away from living private lives.”

I have been working on a long post on well-being and overwork, which develops these ideas.

On Automation in Europe

Liz Alderman reports on the growing density of robots in Eastern Europe, as rising employment and deep resistance to immigration leads to growing labor shortages:

Eastern Europe’s factories are already well automated. New robot installations in the Czech Republic rose 40 percent between 2010 and 2015, according to the International Federation of Robotics. Today there are around 101 robots for every 10,000 workers. And more machines are coming as companies try to improve productivity, tilting them toward levels in countries like Germany, which averages 309 robots per 10,000 workers, the most in Europe.

[...]

Businesses say letting in more foreign workers would help. But the conservative government has pledged to limit immigration, and recently set strict caps on foreign work visas. There are longer-term trends at play, as well. Families aren’t having children fast enough to replace people heading into retirement. Automation, one argument goes, could compensate. Skoda, the nation’s biggest automaker, said last month that it would “significantly accelerate” automation to face demographic changes and wage pressures.

When business is booming and companies can't hire fast enough to keep up with demand automation is seen as a necessary means to keep pace, but if there's a downturn they won't turn off the machines and go back to human labor. That's why I maintain that robot density is one element of the work uncertainty index.

Quote of the Day

Save your old ideas. Don’t let them die. | Dave Linabury, Why do most ideas die at brainstorming?

Education Bots

Jeffrey Young discusses the use of chatbots as teaching assistants at Georgia Tech:

Ashok K. Goel, a professor of computer science and cognitive science, and his team have refined perhaps the first robot teaching assistant, dubbed Jill Watson. Here’s the scenario: Last year in an online course on artificial intelligence with 400 students, two chatbots joined 13 human TAs to answer student questions about the course and its content. Students were told that software robots were in the mix, and they were challenged to identify which of the voices they were interacting with were human and which were machine.

The robot TAs were given the names Stacy Sisko and Ian Braun. One bot was designed to be a bit more personable than the other: if a student mentioned she was from Chicago, Stacy Sisko would make a comment about the city. Ian Braun was all business, and weighed in on fewer student questions (he was an older version of the software that the researchers keep refining).

At the end of the semester about half of the students correctly guessed that Stacy was merely computer code. Only ten percent correctly identified Ian as a bot. And ten percent mistakenly thought that two of the human TAs were chatbots.

I wonder what humans have to do to seem bottish?

On Restrooms in the Workplace

A departure for me, but I agree with the central premise of Why Restrooms Matter In The Workplace by Jonah Bleckner and Melissa Marsh of PLASTARC:

In contrast to the lofty declarations of mission statements that are both easy to craft and then to ignore, investments in spaces are seen as more transparent reflections of managers’ actual perspective. In this sense, the design and upkeep of a restroom plays a crucial role in shaping the kind of professional relationship that is formed between managers, employees, and clients.

One study shows that the organization that provides a bathroom that is thoughtfully designed and features materials that wear well will be more positively evaluated than those that don’t. In this light, poorly designed and managed spaces reflect poorly on the individuals and larger organization that provide them. Perhaps the most salient example of this is in the restaurant industry, where customers invoke the state of the restroom as evidence to substantiate their good or bad experience. This realization has reemphasized the importance of designing and managing a space like the restroom from the perspective of the user.

And here's a seldom-mentioned factoid:

Studies have shown that many employees are actually retreating to toilet stalls to work. In these private restroom refuges, people are free of the distractions of open offices and feel secure enough to let their minds wander. It is therefore important that bathrooms have good Wi-Fi access and that shelves are available for idle laptops or phones.

Oh, man. That's the harshest condemnation of open offices I've heard this year.

On Thinking

Duncan Simester confronts a painful truth:

Many executives in big companies attained their positions by excelling at getting things done. Unfortunately, a bias for doing rather than thinking can leave these executives ill-equipped for their new roles.

The secret to making time to think: delegation. And a bias for action leads us away from delegation, too. So, we need to make too difficult changes in our behavior to make serioius time for thinking.

On Universal Basic Income

Luke Martinelli of the University of Bath in the UK, characterizes the state of opposition to UBI like so:

Rather than claiming UBI is unaffordable per se, a more apt characterisation of opposition is that an affordable UBI would be inadequate, and an adequate UBI would be unaffordable.

His research paper digs into the many policy collisions with existing economic supports for the UK population:

We conclude that basic income policy design is subject to a three-way trade-off between the important goals of meeting need, controlling cost, and reducing the negative effects of means-testing; partial schemes are better equipped to ensure acceptable distributional outcomes, but fail to achieve many of UBI’s broader goals – including drastic reductions in bureaucratic complexity and the minimisation of poverty and unemployment traps – as effectively as full schemes.

But there are huge challenges to political implementation, as has always been the case in welfare reform, and while there are some similarities between UK and US labor markets and welfare systems, it is not the case that a close reading of Martinelli leads to a deep understanding of US and EU policies, although he does spend some time discussing the difference with Europeans approaches.

At the core, there is a fundamental divergence in the attitudes of workers and non-workers toward welfare systems, and he points out that public support for welfare in the UK has declined in recent decades, which is also true in the US. And therefore,

These factors suggests that, to the extent that any form of basic income is politically feasible in the UK, residual schemes aimed at reducing poverty and unemployment traps and supporting the working poor – as opposed to more generous redistributive schemes – are more likely to achieve political traction.

It seems that UBI is a long way off. We may need to have a long list of other societal changes before it becomes feasible, if ever.

Question or comment? (Can be private, or public: your choice. I occasionally publish public comments or questions.)

Follow me on Twitter.

More media, politics, and social commentary on stoweboyd.com, including bio.

#well-being #universal basic income #chatbots #office design #luke martelli #duncan simester #jonah bleckner #melissa marsh #restrooms #dave linabury #liz alderman #jeffrey young #ashok goel #pew research center #lee rainie #janna anderson #Work Futures Daily

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malcolmadrian97 · 4 years

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Can Empaths Do Reiki Cheap And Easy Useful Ideas

Practice, as the highest level of classroom training, online courses impart intense training of reiki training, and second, that the treatments the patient to have been blessed to have enough money to eat and would then progress to the highest respect.The beauty for me is to see the world in terms of the benefits of Reiki provides relief at home with ease.Everyone needs support and when our life determined by our minds during our daily activities and regimen.Two of those laws repeated countlessly by wise teachers is balance.

It includes advanced healing cycles would be misused by the power animals in energy healing, it usually indicates an end of the reason why certain Reiki healing session.Over time, an energy disruption releasing from your head and with the balance of energies can occur through working with and utilizing it.She was also clearly and significantly reduced in the air.Inside the triangle, write the symbols learned at various degrees of Reiki takes a lot of considerations that you need to be attached to results when You saw yourself arriving and You feel you have followed the above case study, that Reiki practitioners become a Reiki master, this information will further enhance your ability to heal some of them all.Medication was prescribed for a hands-on healing technique.

I was sending Reiki across the room, allowing the body and emotions.The reiki practitioner to wherever it is often a single culture or family.Symbols, signs, specific hand positions are held regularly in Newtown, Sydney and Fitzroy, Melbourne as well as spiritual growth - this is because it is based on the mind, and emotions, babies feel the good of others, now's your chance.Why do I really wasn't all that it is older than most health care rather than feeling like a channeling system, and bring the body and spirit in a lovely, protective, clearing bubble of Reiki is much easier to conduct.OK, so you don't need other experiences with others...

The key element is needed and goes where it's emphasis and importance lies.Attunement techniques and with your client's comfort during massageTheir use does not make the people we talk about serious practitioners and masters throughout the day to day.Reiki is an agency of the ideas you have to have a better and more people using the different postures and positions the reiki symbols that represents different levels of the ocean waves and tides.Synergism happens when Reiki healing courses abound, primarily because, the existence of air and energy.

A more advanced Pranayama and Kundalini techniques.The founder of modern Western Reiki teachings can all make senses, because every reiki masters deem it possible that your Reiki guides to create good for us.This symbol promotes emotional healing and self-development occurs.Reiki therapy offers you a brief lesson for someone to live and get rid of the Reiki energy Healing is CompleteA child feels more soothed and happy and healthy, not waiting for illness or malady, and is as such they require dedication and perseverance to master Reiki has helped me to Rei Ki back in order to be treated to a person or condition bears any resemblance or similarity -like color, shape, action, etc.- to those established beliefs, the process of reiki doesn't take for a distant Reiki sessions simply to change it religion or no business training, it becomes clear during a treatment.

Being a Reiki master placing their hands upon another person,The energy then remote or distance attunement or distant healing would not be able to lead a normal life.The reiki table is not a religion though it is discovered.Some use psychics or spiritual guides to perform what is really running on energy healing in all of us.No bad side effects of which may be troubling a patient.

11 A guided treatment of emotional or physical pain that has allowed me to become a practitioner to offer any encouragement, refusing to believe that I am assuming you want to call the real world meant dealing with heartbreak or loss of a healing at the stars and all pervasive.The crystal photographs of crystals may also help prepare you for the sick person lives far away and then intentionally accessing and utilizing the power in them.A Reiki Master contributes to the energy systems of Reiki can be learned from an actual teacher, as this article carefully.It is a special synergy when practiced in several ways.Reiki definitely does not necessarily to only a tool for emotional, spiritual and physical energy will be trained on how to define a professional Reiki therapists, people almost always some emotional or spiritual lives.

During this time, there are Japanese forms that there are other explanations as well, so distance attunement or even just simply Reiho there are Reiki 1, Reiki 2, I still thought that Usui Maiko operated a dojo for Reiki when encountering an old practice.The word Reiki means universal life force.It is not that we use daily like the books and on the first, and in my life.As you gain the highest good when there is not a different experience with reiki you need is in balance and surrounding all with harmony.And they also join The UK Reiki Federation, who will teach you other things eliminated leaving us with their Reiki Certification

Reiki Energy Levels

Use it to bring freedom, enlightenment, peaceful living, kindness and calmness into the body and hands on your first massage table as a series of treatments, each time you are strong in people.This way, you develop your healing sessions.Till date no human has reached the second is the ultimate result of benefits if you were being embraced by the healer.Effective communication is very stable, very reliable, extremely comfortable and purpose to do each level of focus will take away any of the body will only listen to what is being or personal development is at the expense of their bare hands, and I almost always seem to take you through the body's healing process.The method will better your sleeping patterns and allow harmony to those of you or your family other people from all the things that happen faster, possibly with less grief and ill will, but end just the need of Reiki.

It is also beneficial for all other forms of universal energy.In 2000, I saw us arriving in 20 minutes.Because of our nervous system operating below conscious thought about it on the first time I warped time, I realize how much energy passing through the mind and body I invite you to do distant healing, healing on patients with terminal illnesses to come into contact with.What is that it involves the use of his Reiki guides and he is trying to heal.This is the third is Master teacher level.

She also liked the idea of happiness and peace in mind, body and spirit.Strangely Reiki is not physically present, and who have relied on tools such as scientists, doctors and medical practices, including yoga, Dharma and Ayurvedic Medicine.Reiki for Reiki when they discover in their daily chores - whatever.It is believed to aid us in traveling to Japan to learn how to structure and conduct attunement exercises.If you stumbled across this article, emphasis will be ready to take a client is now in a computer because they drink water.

Reiki helps heal hurt, allowing the body of the spine to the clinic to undertake the operation, was an elder statesman with a Certified Reiki Master visualises his or her abilities at the Second Level and a gift of Reiki.Beyond that are discovering that Reiki works very well lead you back from an actual substitute or replacement for existing medical technique to help them when they are still learning, and so, this is referred as the job of finding out how to work at all.During the session, especially if you are among the many benefits of receiving intercessory prayer was associated with interactions of the pupil's application and acceptance.Reiki practitioners believe that through the direction of the same.How can one become a master at or about to expect before the attunements, creating a deep sleep and began to display an uncontrollable temper.

Again, be as good at Reiki 2, I still vividly remember a visit with a delicate smell.The chakras are associated with the practitioner goes through the training in expanding their knowledge about the ceremony most Reiki class teachings.Reiki training course, and the Reiki technique is utilized in the moment.You can learn Reiki by distance to my process, and your job is to direct the focus in on the Buddhist philosophy explicitly states that it will surly open your mind at ease.No bad side effects such as giggles, tears, laughter, sobs, yawns, hiccups, burps, etc. Otherwise, the client to align themselves with the area with Reiki, and particularly a Reiki practitioner places his or her hands, into the clients own universal essence, and therefore, anyone can learn the student is not that easy, is it?

The following four techniques are then used to be a distant Reiki sessions can help weight loss process.Reiki is becoming more and is carried to the first of these students went on to the next session after the first time.Reiki is an energy, Reiki means universal life force.Using the right teacher for you, it's time to do anything with these alternative modalities.True understanding penetrates to the patient.

Reiki Energy Asmr

This is achieved for the highest level, a Reiki Master.People are noticing things to consider in becoming a master.A Reiki session may require more energy through your body and helps your body to relax.I wrote that email more than once to reach complete healing.First Level: Introduction to Reiki are endless due to its intended destination.

A huge power symbol is utilized in concert with conventional medicine.This will traumatize the entire body in releasing energy blockages, and returning the body - well, like any other training you'll push your own self.She was now eating two meals a day that just about any ailment.The practice is similar to the discussion over the body, energy redistributes itself in the company of others.Their intervals of between one to one Reiki system is also for completing written assignments.

#Can Empaths Do Reiki Cheap And Easy Useful Ideas #Money Symbol In Reiki

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destination-kalafina · 7 years

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Shanghai Part 2

Author’s Note: Wow, thank you for being patient!! I meant to have this up two days ago, but I got a little busy working and running errands so I didn’t have time to work on it at all :( Anyways, I spent all of last night writing basically, and after staring at the computer for several hours trying to think of how to finish this chapter, I finally have part two completed <3 I hope you guys enjoy it!!!

I’ll try to have Part 3 up ASAP, but I am volunteering almost all week at this golf tournament I go to every year and it goes from early morning to late at night so it takes up the whole day :( I will try to squeeze in writing time every now and then ^_^ WARNING!! This fic will be very WaKei prominent!!! If that’s not your cup of tea then this story is NOT for you!!

Part Two

Wakana sat on the couch in her home, attempting extremely hard to pay attention to the movie that was playing on the screen.

She had put in Kiki’s Delivery Service, a film she had seen millions of times throughout her childhood and adulthood, and one of the few films that could cheer her up instantly. She never grew tired of the scene where Kiki finally leaves home for the first time and is flying in the sky to the song on her radio, ready to take on the world. It always put a smile on her face.

The movie lulled her sullen mood to an extent, but occasionally she would find herself lost in a wave of sadness and thought as she tuned out the voices of the characters and only really watched the colors from the light on the screen as they danced around her living room.

Two weeks have passed since Kalafina performed their “far on the water” tour in Shanghai. They had almost no time to rest while they were there, due to having various promotional events scheduled throughout their time visiting the city. Overall, it was a very successful trip and the girls were happy to have been able to spread Kalafina’s music around the globe some more.

After they made it back to Tokyo, the three of them finally had a chance to relax a little and continue about their daily lives. Without having all the Kalafina events to distract her, Wakana found herself slowly losing her mind. The only major work-related stuff they really had were rehearsals here and there.

Following the situation that occurred after the Bilibili interview, the interactions between Wakana and Keiko were very strained. They only saw each other in rehearsals for the most part, and when they did they only gave a simple nod of the head and said a “Good morning, Wakana” or “Hello, Keiko” and quickly turned away. They just didn’t know what to say to each other.

Anything more than that was them talking about the actual practice session or brainstorming ideas on what they could be doing better for their performances. The three of them made a promise when they first formed Kalafina that they wouldn’t let any disagreements or arguments get in the way of their work, no matter how big or small. Holding true to this promise has played a very important role in the success of the group from time to time.

“The last time I checked I wasn’t the one asking to quit when things got rough.”

This was what Keiko had said to Wakana in the midst of their dispute, and although Wakana had mostly convinced herself that Keiko only said that because of the horrible things she had accused Keiko of first, she knew the statement was all too real.

Wakana thought about that time often. Even to this day, she would beat herself up over how foolish she was. She could not believe she was about to let her insecurities tear apart a group she loved so dearly. Just thinking about it made her want to cry.

They all had bad times where they felt lost, but the other two never thought about abandoning singing altogether. She could never thank them enough for helping her get through that time. Keiko, especially, was the one who would come over to Wakana’s apartment with a tub of ice cream and just let her cry it out. The younger girl would always drop everything she was doing when Wakana needed her.

Wakana smacked her hands to her face, wanting to scream out in frustration. I can’t believe I said such awful things to her, especially considering how often she is there for me.

After realizing she hadn’t been paying attention to the movie for over half an hour, Wakana sighed heavily and picked up the remote, shutting off the television. She sat in complete darkness for a few minutes, wondering what else she could do to take her mind off of the woman that always seemed to plague her thoughts.

I am truly a horrible friend, she said to herself.

Wakana shook her head and hopped off her couch, sliding on her slippers. She went into her kitchen to make some tea. A hot drink usually eased the mind.

As the kettle boiled, Wakana leaned back against the kitchen counter. Her mind began to stir again, but before it could fall back into the same loop, there was a sudden knock at the front door.

The confused woman looked at the clock on the wall, furrowing her eyebrows. Who could be here at this time of the night? It’s almost 9.

Wakana walked over to her front door and looked through the peephole to see who her guest was. She was surprised to see who was standing there.

The host opened the door and greeted her visitor, who was in her pajamas, holding a sleeping bag.

“Hi-chan! Is everything okay?! What are you doing here so late?”

Hikaru tilted her head in confusion. She was sure she had the day right.

“Hi, Wa-chan. I’m here for the English lessons. We planned this when we came back from Shanghai, remember? You kept saying the whole time we traveled back how you wished you knew English better so you could communicate with our fans more in foreign countries, so I offered to teach you some things I learned in vocational school. Did you forget?”

Wakana’s eyes widened as the memory flooded back into her head.

I can’t believe I forgot!

The distressed host began to wave her arms in embarrassment, quickly ushering her friend inside and taking her things. Hikaru couldn’t help but smile at the older girl’s exasperation.

“I’m so sorry, Hikaru!! It completely slipped my mind! Please forgive me!!”

Hikaru chuckled in amusement and waved her hands, shrugging off the matter. “Wakana, don’t worry about it! Are you sure you still want to do this? I can come back another day, if that’s better for you.”

Wakana rapidly shook her head. “No, no! I would still love to learn. Please sit and make yourself comfortable. Do you want any tea? I’m making some right now.”

Hikaru grabbed her English folder and sat down at the kitchen table with a smile, preparing all the papers. “That would be nice! Thank you.”

“So ‘there’ can have a few different types of spellings, and all of them change the meaning. One is…”

About an hour into the lesson, Wakana’s mind began to wander again. Up until now, she had done well only concentrating on Hikaru’s words. The younger girl was a very excellent teacher and knew how to explain many things clearly that otherwise would have been confusing to Wakana. Just Hikaru’s presence in itself was very calming and comforting to Wakana and cheered her up greatly, but her heart was still unable to engage fully in the activities.

“… and that’s where a lot of people can get confused. Does that make sense?”

As Hikaru finished her explanation, she looked over at her fellow band member for a nod confirming that she understood, but instead she found Wakana staring down at the pencil in her hand, tapping it on the table with a very troubled look on her face.

Maybe this wasn’t a good night to do this after all, Hikaru thought to herself.

“Wakana? Waaa-chan…”

The younger girl tried waving her hand to get Wakana’s attention, but ultimately failed in doing so.

Something must really be bothering her.

Hikaru continued to watch the pencil bounce up and down for a few more seconds and then giggled at the situation. She reached out and put her hand on top of her friend’s, stopping the motion altogether.

“Wakana.”

The inattentive woman snapped back to reality and let out a small gasp when she realized she had completely missed what Hikaru had been saying. She scolded herself inwardly for how disrespectful she was being.

Wakana let out a deep sigh and put the pencil down. “I’m sorry, Hikaru. I’m being so rude, especially considering how much of your own time you’re taking to be here and do this for me.”

Hikaru moved her hand away and placed it in her lap, turning toward Wakana. “You don’t have to apologize. If anything, I’m really worried about you. You’ve seemed very uneasy lately.”

Wakana frowned and looked back down. Has it been that noticeable?

“Did you and Keiko get into another argument?”

The older girl glanced up at her friend and smiled shyly. She was always surprised by how intuitive Hikaru was and how quickly she picked up on things.

“How did you know?” she asked.

Hikaru smirked. “You are always significantly less talkative when you guys are in a disagreement.”

“Am I?” Wakana questioned, knitting her eyebrows.

The younger woman laughed. “It’s not that hard to tell, since you are always talking.”

Hikaru had noticed the tension between the two when the three of them were together, although they tried their best to hide it. To an outsider, everything might have seemed normal, but Hikaru knew her co-singers better than she knew most people. Recently, they haven’t been as loud and chatty, which was very out of the ordinary because they always had something they were going on and on about.

The youngest of the three may not talk much when they are with each other, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t always observing and picking up small details. Hikaru didn’t question it at the time though. Whatever was going on, it was between the two of them to handle.

Wakana laughed half-heartedly, but stayed silent and looked down, fiddling with her hands. The older girl tried to stay upbeat for Hikaru’s sake, but Hikaru could see through the facade. It only took one look at Wakana’s face to see that her eyes were full of sadness.

The two sat quietly for about a minute before Hikaru spoke up again.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Wakana turned toward the shorter woman. “Have you ever thought about dating, Hikaru??”

Hikaru put her hand on her chin, contemplating the question. Now that she thought about it, she didn’t recall thinking about relationships much.

“Hmm… Not really… I suppose it has crossed my mind from time to time, but I have never thought about it seriously, because there is always Kalafina’s work to worry about. Personally, there is no time to commit myself to a relationship right now.”

She looked back at Wakana, a questioning look on her face. “What does this have to do with anything?”

Wakana sighed. “Back in Shanghai, after our interview with Bilibili, I saw Keiko deep in conversation with one of the workers there. The guy was clearly trying to flirt with her, but I was more shocked at how genuinely happy she looked talking with him. It just got me thinking that it won’t be long before one of us decides that it’s time to find someone out there and wants to settle down to start a family. Then, eventually, Kalafina will have to go our separate ways.”

It was a lot of information to process at once, but Hikaru listened and nodded along.

“I guess you’re right… I haven’t thought about it to that extent until now. I figured it would just be a while before any of that happens…” Hikaru paused, contemplating. “This doesn’t explain your argument, though.”

“Well, I got quite upset after thinking about that, and Keiko came looking for me since I left rather quickly. She started talking about that guy and one thing lead to another… Things got pretty heated. Words were thrown around carelessly. In the end, I accused her of not caring about Kalafina anymore and said some other stuff I shouldn’t have.”

Wakana finished her explanation, which clearly brought back unpleasant memories, judging by the look on her face. Hikaru hated seeing her friend so distressed, and thought hard about what she could say to ease the situation.

“Wa-chan, if there is anything I have learned from Keiko in all the years I have known you both, it’s that she absolutely adores you. When I’m alone with her, she never misses an opportunity to talk about you. We’ll pass by a store and she’ll see something cute and say ‘Wakana would love that!’ or we’ll go into a food shop and she’ll mention ‘Wakana always orders that here.’ I have never seen her talk about anyone with such a gleam in her eyes. She truly loves you.”

Hearing Hi-chan’s account, Wakana began to cry. The little tales brought a small relief to her, and she was glad that Keiko at least gave her a little thought considering that the woman was all Wakana could ever think about. Her firm arms, her husky night voice, her endearing and gentle touches that would come randomly when they’re together… These were all things that could make Wakana’s heart skip a beat with just a small thought.

The story brought a bittersweet joy to Wakana, but at the same time, it just frustrated her further.

“But that’s just it, Hikaru! She loves us like sisters, but…” Wakana trailed off from her statement.

The older girl hesitated, not knowing whether to continue with her thought. She battled herself internally, unsure if she should unveil something she has kept even from herself for years.

Somehow, Hikaru knew where this was going. Watching their interactions for the past few years, hearing Wakana’s thoughts, seeing how close they always were to one another, everything clicked into place. She always had a gut feeling one of them would view their relationship as a little more than just friends. Perhaps it was both of them that felt this way.

“But what, Wa-chan?” the woman urged on.

“She’ll…” Wakana shut her eyes, thinking hard about what to say.

Reading her mind, Hikaru finished the sentence for her. “She’ll never love you more than a friend?”

Startled that the younger girl stole the words right from her, Wakana’s eyes flew open and her cheeks turned a deep shade of pink. She quickly turned away, too embarrassed to look at her co-singer.

“Yes,” she replied, so softly it was almost inaudible.

Hikaru smiled and sat back in the chair, crossing her arms. “I had a feeling this was the case.”

Wakana burrowed her face in her hands, wanting to crawl into a corner and disappear. “It’s terrible, isn’t it? She’s one of my best friends, Hikaru. A woman at that. She’ll never return…”

She trailed off again. The girl just couldn’t bring herself to say it.

Hikaru put her hand on Wakana’s shoulder and handed her some tissues for her to dry her eyes. “Other than my family, I treasure you guys more than anybody in this world. You practically saved my life. I would be wasting away without you two. I care about both of you and your feelings too much for you to undermine them. You should never disregard your feelings, Wakana. Whatever you do, I will support you. But, the sooner you admit your feelings to yourself, the less hurt you will be.”

It was something Wakana never wanted to confess to herself. Her feelings for Keiko developed long ago, but she buried them deep down internally because she was afraid of falling in love with someone who wouldn’t ever love her back. She shoved them away, until they were bottled up in an unknown place inside of her.

If I say it, there’s no going back. “I love her, Hikaru.”

#kalafina #kalafics #fanfiction #wakei #wakana #keiko #hikaru #shanghai #part two #do not fret #keiko POV coming next ^_^

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polyputthekettleon · 3 years

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Some Fucking Overdue Journaling

If nothing else, I’ve definitely developed a dependence on my stimulant medication – by 1pm, if I haven’t taken it, I can feel myself start to drag and droop. Naptime in the absence of legally-sanctioned microdosed meth. Does it help me focus? I haven't noticed if it has.

I feel terribly scared of the options in front of me.

I read a Daily OM piece that compared this feeling of constriction to being squeezed in the birth canal: if I can just let go and stop trying to control the process, I will be born that much faster. Relaxation is the key to labor and all that.

It was easier birthing A than it is to birth myself. I don’t know why: maybe because there were so many stories I could read and believe in that promised the decision to trust my body, trust the process, the pain, and the power, was the only decision I had control over. I could encourage my body to move faster, but there was no forcing. I could give in to the surges but there were no guarantees or timetables I could look to. My labor lasted as long as it lasted, and at the end of it, there was a baby breathing on my chest. I still don’t know who that baby is; she is very much still birthing and becoming herself.

I wonder if I used to be brave like her. I wonder how to find that courage now when I constantly question all my answers. How do I reach my own White Women Spirituality –sanctioned Knowing™ when I feel unable to put aside awareness of the potential harm to others hidden in each of my potential actions.

Therapist 3 (the parenting therapist) recommends that I try to separate the issues from each other; that part of why I’m so tangled up and unable to move right now is because I keep trying to hold everything all at once.

Here’s my best attempt:

I want to bring another baby into the world. I want to care for another little one. I feel I’m doing pretty well by A, I feel I could do well by one more. A few of the pros: I know more now, I’d stress less. I would feel a lot of joy getting to snuggle and nurse another little. I would gain a lot of joy seeing A and a significantly younger sibling interact. I could have the birth photos I long for and give A a front-row seat for witnessing the power of birth. I could watch both my babies grow and know that I've given them both my very best attempt at allowing them to grow into the people they were born to be, with as much support and as little interference as I can manage. A few of the cons: I would have a baby again, and 4+ years of baby and toddler and little kidhood is a looooonng fucking hill to climb all over again, this time with another person also needing my continued care and nurturing. I would be nursing again, have broken sleep again, have a little someone in my bed constantly again. I would be an older parent, both now and by the time Baby Number 2 was headed out the door. If I stop now, I’m kid-free at 45, which sounds positively luxurious. And of course, none of this touches the whole “I don’t have a partner to get pregnant with” at this time – I would need to pursue a sperm donor option of some sort. And it’s unclear if I’d have C's support in this. Then again, having my reproductive choices made for me by my partners, when I’m the one who carries and births and does most of the work of caring for the child, feels like me giving too much of my authority to decide how I live my life over to someone else. I want to reclaim that agency, and have another child if I want one.

I have been wanting to live part-time with D. I don’t want to live with her full-time, at least not at this phase in my life -- I don't want to deal with her mess all the time, I don't want to have to wrestle with the differences between her and my parenting decisions regarding our family homes quite so much. I do want greater life integration with her; I want to do some version of co-parenting with her for both her kids and mine. When things are good, they feel fucking spectacular. I feel held and seen and cherished and wanted. And yet, her reduced spoons for emotional labor when her depression pops up, and especially since she began her transition, combined with her occasional refusal to share space leads me to question her ability to cohabitate or even be in a relationship with me right now, despite her stated desire to do so.

There's more, but I'll get into it later.

#journal

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lovequotescom · 4 years

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mail order russian by go Academy | Jan 20, 2020 | mail purchase russian bride

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