#but the ones that hurt me the most are the hell!fic for shadowhunters where alec went to hell to save magnus from his dad's clutches

[thelightofthebane]

(right from the start you would be) My Light in The Dark

Pairing: Malec

Rating: M

Summary: What if Magnus couldn’t forgive Alec for breaking his heart after the deal with Asmodeus? What if Magnus left New York and never looked back? What if Clary never got her memories back? What if the parabatai duo was so broken for their lost loves, they couldn’t function anymore? What if broken hearts led to broken souls? What if one left and the other disappeared? What if Magnus came back to a New York where Alec Lightwood vanished a century ago? What if What if What if

Or, Second chances might take longer. But they always seem to find their way back to each other.

This fic was created for the Shadowhunters Reverse Bang 2022: Presented by the @malecdiscordserver

Art by the lovely @hopesilverheart

Chapter 1 - I’ll never worry about letting you break my heart (I'll break my own)

||| Then |||

“I’m not the first person he’s loved, and I won’t be the last. Breaking up is gonna hurt like hell, but it’s the kind of hurt he can recover from.”

“But what about you? Can you recover?”

Alec couldn’t.

Magnus’ heartbreak was stamped under his eyelids – a permanent reminder of his choice, of his sacrifice.

Two broken hearts for magic and immortality.

Did they even have the same value?

Alec didn’t think broken pieces could be worth something, but then again, his dealer was a Prince of Hell. Alec’s misery might’ve been a banquet for Asmodeus. Perhaps he would feed on it for the remainder of Alec’s days.

Oddly, it was a fitting punishment.

Because Alec destroyed the most beautiful thing in his life.

Could you be forgiven for hurting the person you loved more than life itself?

Numbly, Alec felt that the Angels didn’t care.

You’re a warrior, not a lover.

Your hand should kill and destroy, not touch tenderly.

Kill the demons.

Destroy himself.

Maybe do both while you’re at it. Alicante was falling in fire and ashes and blood all around him. Would it be a mercy to die while protecting his city? He wouldn’t care. But if he was going to die fighting, at least he wanted to give his siblings a chance to flee and live.

“We got this,” Alec stated with more conviction than he really felt. He notched five arrows and aimed at the swarm of flying demons coming to his and Izzy’s direction.

“We got this?” His sister looked at him like he had gone crazy already, but didn’t protest further. She readied her whip, already dreading the outcome.

However, before the demons could get any closer, all of them exploded in a big cloud of ash, flames and ichor.

It was brief, but Alec could see the red sparks floating in the air before blinking out of existence.

Magic.

Magic, although destructive, still lingering with familiarity.

“I’m sorry I’m late.”

And if the magic wasn’t already a dead giveaway, that voice sealed the deal. Alec’s entire body tensed, and he had to muster all his self-control to not flinch.

Turning around, he had to swallow hard – both words and tears.

Because his boyf– no, ex-boyfriend was there.

Magic and power circling him like a cloak.

“Traffic was hell.” He joked, but it fell flat on his ears. There was no humor there. Magnus’ voice was indifferent, almost detached, and he barely deigned throw a single glance to Alec’s direction.

Alec wanted to say a lot of things.

I’m sorry.

Forgive me.

I lied.

I love you.

Are you okay?

Are you happy?

Do you feel whole again?

You shouldn’t be here.

Asmodeus… If Asmodeus finds out, he will take your magic back.

Get out of here.

It’s dangerous.

Protect yourself.

Stay.

Go.

I love you.

I love you.

Please, Magnus.

Believe me.

But he stayed quiet. Which was a good thing, as he only then realized Magnus wasn’t alone.

There wasn’t a better word to describe what he was seeing than ‘army’. A whole army of Downworlders marching into Alicante – warlocks, vampires, werewolves, seelies. And despite each faction having their own leader, there wasn’t a shadow of doubt as to who the highest in ranking there was. The one they were all looking to in expectation.

Automatically, Alec stood straighter, posture rigid yet respectful. Even Isabelle acquiesced, doing the same.

“Magnus,” Catarina called, breaking the wordless, intense eye contact between Alec and Magnus.

“Lead all the healers to the nearest empty building you find. Take any volunteers to build wards around it and to retrieve any fallen.”

Catarina nodded once then turned around, soon being followed by a group of warlocks and other Downworlders.

After shooting one last glare at Alec, Magnus turned to the large army, casting a quick spell to make his voice louder.

“All the warlocks, with me to seal the rift. As for the others, either help the Shadowhunters to kill the demons or take the civilians to a safe place. I will also need coverage for the warlocks sealing the rift.”

“We can help,” Alec offered, but only received a cold glare from Magnus.

“We don’t need your help, Shadowhunter. Instead of wasting my time, why don’t you go help that parabatai of yours to deal with the Morgenstern boy? He is still a threat for my people and the cause of this mess. After all, you like to fix things, don’t you?

Alec’s jaw dropped. That jab… Magnus knew. Somehow, he knew what Alec had done.

Before he could spiral into a hurricane of despair, anxiety and fear for having broken the deal in some way, Izzy took his hand and pulled him away.

“Come, big brother.”

Looking at Magnus one last time – who wasn’t even looking at him anymore, but walking away instead – Alec’s shoulders slumped in defeat and he nodded.

After… He could talk to Magnus after.

And hopefully clear things between them.

Yes, Alec could only pray – to any angel who hadn’t abandoned them yet – that things were going to be alright.

~*~

In the end, even with the four of them – Jace, Clary, Alec and Izzy –, only the redhead was able to take Jonathan down with a new rune given by the Angels. They were all exhausted, mildly hurt (though nothing that an Iratze couldn’t help with) and a mess of blood and dirt, but at least they were victorious. The warlocks were able to close the rift and the Downworlders were already retreating from Alicante. Some of the leaders stayed back to negotiate with what was left of the Clave’s representatives, and Alec was sure Magnus was one of them.

He knew he had to go report to Jia about Jonathan’s demise and check with Underhill for updates about the New York Institute, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t. Not without talking to Magnus. Alec felt that if he missed the opportunity, it would be the end for good.

He couldn’t afford that. Not again.

Losing Magnus… would break him forever.

Four hours later, Magnus finally left the Gard alongside his fellow Downworlders. He opened a portal so all of them could go back to their respective cities, staying behind until he was the last one to cross it. But before he could take even one step towards it, Alec called his name.

The portal didn’t close, but Magnus didn’t go into it either.

Fortunately, they were alone, the early hours giving them the privacy they so needed.

“I see that you got your powers back, that’s good.” Alec began after the silence stretched for a while.

Magnus didn’t reply for a long moment, and Alec was already expecting to be ignored and be left alone. But then the warlock turned and looked at him as if searching for something.

“Once, I said you would blow up the very ground you stood to make something right. It seems that lying is included in your efforts.”

“What?” Alec said faintly.

“A meeting with the Clave? Really, Alec?”

Alec.

Not Alexander.

Alec.

He never thought he would hate the sound of his nickname so much.

Alec remembered that Halloween night. Magnus asking if he could go to Maryse’s shop too to help with the decoration, a hopeful gleam in his eyes for the first time in many days. And Alec having to refuse because he had a meeting.

That part was true. Though not regarding the other party.

“I know about the deal with my father.”

Alec paled. He opened his mouth to protest, but Magnus lifted a hand to stop him.

“Do not fret. I sent him to limbo. Your deal with him is null and my magic is safe.”

Alec’s shoulders slumped at once in relief.

“Why?” Magnus whispered, his voice broken and defeated. “You had no right to choose for me again. First, asking Lorenzo to take his magic back, then my father. Do you even care about my opinion at all?”

“Magnus, you were so miserable. It felt like you were slipping through my fingers. I thought…” Alec’s voice also broke. “I thought you were already going somewhere I couldn’t follow. And I couldn’t help but wonder if the next time I tried to catch you, it would be too late.”

Magnus clenched his jaw, barely containing his frustration and sorrow.

“I was trying to get better. That night I even decided to stop drinking. I knew how worried you were and I wanted to do better for you, for us.” His hands started shaking and his unglamored eyes were full of tears.

“Magnus, what I said… I don’t… I swear… I still lo–”

“Shut up!”

Around them, streetlamps exploded and glass panels shattered.

“Don’t you dare say those words. Don’t you dare taint what is left of me.”

Alec shook his head hard, using all his willpower to keep the tears from falling.

He wouldn’t break apart there, he wouldn’t.

“I thought you were different, but I was wrong again. Tell me. Tell me how you differ from Camille, because honestly? I can’t see a single difference right now.”

Alec flinched hard.

Stabbing him with a Seraph blade would’ve hurt less.

“You… You’re comparing me to Camille? I didn’t… I never… I–”

“You never cheated on me, yes, but hurting me? You lied, you betrayed me.” Magnus’ voice was harsh.

“I only wanted to make you happy again. I lov–”

“Don’t!” Magnus hissed, his slithered pupils becoming even thinner. “Don’t you dare.”

Alec missed the warmth.

He could take Magnus’ anger, but not that coldness.

The indifference. The hate.

Not again. Not again. Not again.

He knew he deserved it, this time, for going around Magnus’ back, but it hurt nevertheless.

And Magnus’ next words sealed the deal and finished shattering his already broken heart.

“You are no better than Camille.”

A pain like no other burst inside Alec’s chest.

It was even worse than when he had felt his parabatai rune ripping apart by Jace’s brief death months ago.

“Go live your life, Shadowhunter. I hope to never see you again.”

And with finality, Magnus turned and entered the portal – which snapped shut a second later.

Between one moment and the other, Magnus was gone.

Alec’s bow clattered on the asphalt.

His knees soon followed.

Alec didn’t care that they had won. He barely heard the loud cheering of fellow Nephilim celebrating their victory while the first rays of morning shone brightly over Alicante.

“Alec?”

“Big brother?”

Everything hurt.

And a traitorous part of him knew that pain would be a part of him until his last breath.

He felt familiar hands touching his shoulders and arms.

For the first time in his life, he didn’t try to keep the leader persona and hold his feelings in. He didn’t care that other people could see him.

Letting the tears roll down, Alec broke down in his siblings’ arms.

||| Now |||

Magnus’ boots echoed through the large hall, occupied by only another soul beside him. He bowed his head respectfully to the Elder and waited.

His visits to the Spiral Labyrinth had become increasingly frequent lately due to a magical instability – both angelic and demonic – affecting not only the Shadow World in its entirety, but the ley lines in more than one dimension, and Magnus had been appointed as one of the leaders of the Warlock community to aid in the damage control.

When he finally thought he was going to get a day of peaceful rest, he received the summons from one of the High Elders, leaving him no choice but to comply.

“We received a request from one of the Hidden.” The Elder spoke, turning to him slowly. His eyes were pure black, very similar to one of a demon’s, but they held kindness and wisdom in them.

Magnus’ eyes widened slightly. The Hidden were communities of Downwolders scattered around, living peacefully in-between veils of this dimension and others. They were like gatekeepers, helping to keep the connection between time and space, the mortal and immortal. Their localization was a secret, ever-changing, and one could only enter their realm with their permission. The Council of the Spiral Labyrinth kept tabs on them, helping them to hide even from the Seelie Queen and Unseelie King. Shadowhunters didn’t know about them either, so if they ever had any problem with demons, they dealt with them by themselves.

“As you already know, the current instability in your world was caused by the destruction of one of the nine hell realms.”

Magnus nodded. An internal conflict between the Princes of Hell had caused one of the dimensions to collapse into itself. He knew Edom wasn’t far away from the same fate without Asmodeus and Lilith’s still weak state. Small rifts had been opening in all continents, and only the ever-growing alliance between Shadowhunters and Downworlders were keeping the invasion of demons at bay. If even the Hidden were being affected by it, things were more severe than he had thought.

“Three days ago, the Blue Hidden were attacked when a rift opened at their borders.”

Magnus frowned, trying to rack his brain for what he knew about them. Since the Hidden didn’t have names for their different communities, they were classified by colors to facilitate their tracking by the Council. To defend themselves, they either trained their own or hired high-skilled beings to protect them. If Magnus wasn’t mistaken, Blue Hidden had the latter.

“Wasn’t their guardian able to defend them? Or could their warlocks not close the rift?”

The Elder shook his head. “They’ve dealt with that already. The issue therein lies on the gravity of the attack. The rift didn’t bring low level demons as per usual. It was a Greater Demon.”

Magnus blanched. “What?”

“The instability caused one of their veils to almost be ripped apart. A Greater Demon took advantage of that. Fortunately, their guardian was able to kill it, but not without great sacrifice. He seems to be on his deathbed and the people are in panic. Their leaders came personally to request your assistance to heal him.”

“I’m flattered by it, but you know well that healing is not my strongest suit. An experienced healer, Catarina Loss for example, would be of much more help.”

“And yet, they insisted on you. They made it very clear that the only warlock they would grant access to their lands was you.”

“This… doesn’t make sense. Why me?” Though, considering it was an attack by a Greater Demon, perhaps some dark magic still lingered, and a healer wouldn’t be enough. If they thought Magnus was skilled enough to help, why not?

“They are very desperate. They call this guardian of theirs Protector of Light, and they are terrified of losing him. They really believe you are his only chance of surviving.”

Sighing, he nodded.

“Very well. Where do I have to go?”

The Elder waved his hand, making a piece of paper appear. “Come to this city and wait there. Within the next few days, the veil will get thinner there. You will be able to feel the exact spot to open a portal.”

Magnus took the paper, and his face fell immediately.

Of course.

Of all places…

“And while you are there, could you do this old fool a favor?” He waved his hand again and a package appeared. “I need you to deliver this personally to the head of the local Institute. The content is fragile, and I wouldn’t want to fall in the wrong hands.”

“Isn’t this supposed to be a task for their High Warlock?” Magnus forced himself to say, trying to not sound like a whining child.

“Lorenzo asked to delegate this to you since… What did he say again? Ah, that you are very easy with Shadowhunters.”

Magnus gritted his teeth. That asshole.

Plastering the fakest smile he could muster, he hummed.

A century.

It has been a century since he last visited that city. That loft.

A century since he last saw…

“Well, I guess it’s time to go back to New York then.”

~*~

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Bane. I’m Rinoa Goldstairs, Head of the New York Institute.”

Magnus smiled politely, but was already regretting being there. It had taken him two days to muster enough courage to approach the Institute, and at least three hours to knock on its door. If times hadn’t gotten better and relations between Nephilim and Downworlders hadn’t improved, he was sure a bunch of Shadowhunters would have already surrounded him with blades, thinking he was there to attack them.

The worst part was that aside from the Shadowhunters’ behavior, something more friendly and respectful, nothing else was really different. At least, not physically. The walls, the screens, the stained glass, the fucking floor was the same. If that new Head hadn’t changed the damn Head’s office too, Magnus would cry.

He might’ve gotten a bit too distracted by the past threatening to hit him at full force, because he totally lost track of what Ms. Goldstairs was saying.

“…you are a legend, Mr. Bane. Everyone knows about you and the four Shadowhunters that made history here in the New York Institute.”

“Is that what they are calling now?”

“It’s just sad that it didn’t have a happy ending after the Battle of Alicante.”

The Battle of Alicante was how the invasion of demons due to Jonathan Morgenstern’s attack was named in the Shadow World’s history. At least the Nephilim had enough decency to not erase the Downworlders’ contribution to their aid. From what Magnus had heard, it was thanks to some mysterious Shadowhunter who took the position of provisory Inquisitor and made sure that the Downworlders were not only remembered, but also given rightful credit to the salvation of the Nephilim’s capital.

“May I ask you what happened to those four Nephilim you mentioned? I thought this Institute would still be under the Lightwoods’ control considering how long they managed it for before. No offense to you, of course.”

“None taken.” Rinoa smiled, already typing something on the screen. “From what I know, the only Lightwoods still alive live in Idris and they came from the youngest’s lineage, Maxwell Lightwood.” Suddenly, four images popped on the screen.

Clary.

Jace.

Isabelle.

Alec.

Magnus’ heart clenched. Seeing Alec’s photo after a century… In the beginning, he had only felt anger and resentment. Now it was a never-ending sadness. He didn’t want to admit it, but he missed Alec more than he missed any other lover he ever had in his life.

All the photos were from the time Magnus met them – young, full of energy and fire in their eyes.

“Clarissa Adele Fairchild,” she tapped on the redhead’s picture and it transformed into a more recent photo – of a beautiful old lady with bright red hair, ink on her arms and a joyful smile. Though Magnus noticed, there were no runes. “Punished by the angel for the overuse of her gifted runes, lost all her memories of the Shadow World alongside her runes. Passed away thirty-five years ago.”

Another pang in his heart.

Oh Biscuit…

“Jonathan Christopher Herondale and Isabelle Sophia Lightwood,” Rinoa double-clicked and both their pictures also turned into their old selves.

They still had their angelic beauty, wrinkles and all.

And again, no runes.

“Both requested de-runement, later integrating themselves with the mundanes.” Magnus’ eyes widened in pure shock. “Jonathan married Clarissa, and they had kids. Isabelle stayed in a relationship with the vampire Simon Lewis until the end, but no marriage or kids. Jonathan passed away forty-eight years ago, and Isabelle passed away twenty-nine years ago.”

Then, Rinoa moved to tap on Alec’s picture, and Magnus swallowed the lump already forming in his throat.

He didn’t know what he feared more – seeing how Alec also got old, and remembering their fight over Magnus’ immortality, or hearing about Alec’s death, thus remembering the fragility of Shadowhunters’ mortality.

However, what appeared was a big question mark and a sign of error.

Rinoa hummed. “Right, nobody knows.”

“What do you mean nobody knows?” Magnus tried to keep a detached voice, but didn’t know if he did a good job considering how he was feeling almost hysterical now.

“One year after the Battle of Alicante, around the same time that his siblings got de-runed, he disappeared. No body, no angelic signature. No rune or magic could track him.”

Magnus felt his knees go weak, and only centuries of self-control prevented him from breaking down entirely after Rinoa’s last blow.

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood vanished from the face of Earth a century ago now.”

[thenextchapter22]

Visiting New York

Description: Crossover crack fic with The Mortal Instruments/Shadowhunters featuring Jace and Alec and Magnus and all the Demon Brothers.

Warnings: None! This is pure fun :)

Pairing(s): None!

Word Count: 1,636

Link to my AO3: Click Here

Author’s Notes: I originally got inspiration from a post here, but I cannot find it :(

_+_

It was a full moon night in New York City. The time was nearing 2 in the morning, and it was cool, crisp, and totally silent aside from the occasional car alarm or shout from some drunkard stumbling home.

Jace and Alec were out on their usual route. Nothing interested was happening, for a Tuesday at least. A few minor demons and a couple mundanes waltzing by stinking of booze. Just a normal, average, totally normal night for the parabatai.

“HEY HEY HEY! I JUST WANT TO TAKE A PEEK INSIDE! I WON’T STEAL, I SWEAR!”

“Keep your voice down, you fool.”

The pair glanced across the street. A group of men all dressed strangely for 2 a.m. stood in front of a store front window for expensive jewelry. While they were not the police, Jace and Alec still wouldn’t tolerate theft.

So they strolled across the street, expecting them not to notice as they were glamoured. But all of them, except for the one with a phone glued to his face, turned to look at them. That’s when Alec knew they were up to no good. And that they were not actually humans. Not that that meant they were evil, Alec was in love with a warlock after all. But when you heard the words ‘steal’ and saw 7 guys practically casing a store at night something was definitely wrong.

He raised his bow at them with an arrow ready to fire at any second, and Jace in turn his seraph at the other half Alec wasn’t aiming at. “Downworlders, what are you doing?” he asked in a deep threatening tone.

“Humans, what do you want?” the dark haired and red eyed demon in a fur coat (the only clothes that really made sense in this freezing cold) asked sarcastically.

Jace sneered. “He asked you a question. So answer it.”

He raised his brows, but kept his smile. Which was not very friendly. “I am not a ‘Downworlder;. We prefer the term ‘Demon’.”

Like that was any better.

Jace stumbled a little as the demon with the most feminine look, one would call him pretty rather than handsome, pranced to stand next to him and inhale before eyeing him up and down. “Ooohhh! You are so BEAUTIFUL and smell divine! I want to. Eat. You. Up! And these clothes, so sexy and tight, hnng~”

Jace flushed when his gaze went to his pants, and the demon licked his lips. He felt his hand shaking a little around his sword. This was worse than when Magnus flirted with Alec for the first time.

“Come on, don’t you want to have some fun together?” he asked, fingers tracing the air above Jace’s arm.

While Jace was being flirted with by the pretty demon, Alec was staring down the others.

“Where is the food? I’m so hungry.” The tall red head asked. His orange eyes looked so sad like someone kicked a puppy, and he held his stomach with one large hand.

“Most places are closed.” Alec felt almost bad for saying it because the demon looked even more upset.

The white haired demon’s eyes widened as he maneuvered right in front of their weapons, shocking the Shadowhunter at the bold move. “Woah, that sword looks like it’d go for a lot of grimm! Same with that bow thingy.”

Alec was stunned. Then the dark haired demon grabbed him and yanked him back by his clothes and started scolding him like a kid while holding him up off the ground, and Alec just shook his head and focused on someone else while that happened.

He looked at the demon with a phone that illuminated his face. Why was he glued to his phone? Was he texting some of their friends for help?

The demon was mumbling while frantically tapping and tilting his phone. “Gah! Stupid—no, left, left you normie!”

Then the purple haired one looked up and found Alec’s eyes with his own. He blushed, made an ‘eep’ noise, and hid his face even more. So, probably the least threatening of the seven.

Alec kept his bow facing towards the others. Mostly they seemed fine with weapons turned on them. The white haired demon kept going on about selling their stuff now that he was free, the blonde was unmoving and glaring them down with his arms crossed like the red-eyed demon. Jace was still handling the ‘pretty’ demon who kept speaking flirtatiously with him. The large red head said nothing, just kept holding his belly and looking around like food was going to appear. And the last one was…

Alec frowned. “Why is he holding a pillow and… is he sleeping?” Impossible, really, as he was standing up!

The hungry demon who stood next to the demon with a cow pillow to his chest smiled sheepishly. “He’s tired a lot.”

Alec jumped when Jace made a shocked noise and he shot his eyes over to see what happened. Jace was gaping at the demon, who looked super upset, and Alec could see a pink smudge on his parabatai’s cheek. Did the demon kiss Jace? He knew the look of lipstick or gloss from Magnus doing such things.

Alec was very confused at what was going on.

“Hmph! Not another one, this is just not fair! I always want the prettiest human and they always turn out to be unaffected by my charms,” the pretty one pouted, crossing his arms and looking very disappointed.

“Charms?” Jace asked, coming out of his stupor. “What kind of charms?”

The blonde with a permanent scowl on his face seemed annoyed with each word that came out of their mouths had decided to speak. He didn’t look directly at them, instead looking at his fingernails. It was very rude honestly. “He means his charms, his powers to attract any human into being with him.”

Jace stuttered. “Wh-what—b-but I—I’m straight!”

Asmo winked. “So was everyone else, honey~” He giggled.

Jace looked at Alec then. They knew why it wasn’t working. Because of Valentine’s experiments and Jace’s mixed blood.

The fur-coated demon hummed and looked between the two of them, arms crossed. “Well, it’s obvious we have a pair of hunters in our midst. And this one,” he said, pointing at Jace, smiling small without any real facial movement, “has pure angelic blood running through him.”

All the demons, except the blonde with a scowl and the one on his phone, made shocked sounds.

“I’m starving, can we get some food now?” the red head asked again, totally interrupting the tense atmosphere.

Alec made a super frustrated noise, and he saw who he had now deemed their ‘leader’ hide a chuckle himself.

Enough was enough.

“Are you here to hurt anyone or anything?”

“No.” The ‘leader’ confirmed. Again, speaking like they were playing a game.

“And are you planning on stealing anything?” Alec asked, watching the leather jacket wearing demon who was mumbling about ‘grimm’.

“We are not.”

Alec sighed. “Okay, fine.”

“Are we off the hook then, humans?” the leader asked.

“Yes, fine. But I have a few questions—”

“Luccciffeeerrrr~ I want to go inside, it’s freezing! At least lend me your coat!”

Jace and Alec both froze in spot.

“Lucifer?” Alec repeated, looking at the dark haired demon. “That is your name?”

“Lucifer Morningstar. Pleased to meet you.” He grinned, and it was all teeth and not ‘pleased’ at all. “And these are my brothers,” he said, gesturing to each as he said their names. “Mammon, Satan, Leviathan, Beelzebub, Belphegor, and Asmodeus.”

The Seven Lords of Hell.

What has this Tuesday turned into?

Lucifer, the avatar of Pride, seemed to stand a foot taller then. Or maybe it was the revelation of who exactly they were. He looked down at Alec and asked, “What sort of questions did you have?”

Alec felt his throat close up, and he cleared it quickly. “I just want to know what you are doing here.” Why did his voice seem so small and quiet compared to his?

“We are visiting a human friend. They recently moved to the city.”

“A friend?” Alec asked, confused. What human would be a friend with these seven demons?

Jace spoke up. “You do know it’s almost 3 in the morning. Unless they work night shift, they’re probably asleep.”

“We were unaware of the change in address until recently.”

Alec sighed. This was tricky. Either he could let these seven demons roam free, or he could keep an eye on them. It was obvious, really, when said plainly like that. If he let them go, it would be Hell on Earth.

“Well, I can see about getting you some rooms to sleep in for the night, I suppose.” Alec found it better to be friendly with them than cause more trouble. After all, these were… the seven avatars of sin in his city.

“Hang on, let me call my boyfriend.” He took out his phone and dialed.

“Oooh, I did not see that coming~ Just kidding, I totally did,” Asmodeus chuckled.

Alec resisted rolling his eyes. He, unlike Jace, did not have special blood, and would be affected by the charms of this demon.

“I hope they’ll have good food.”

“Hopefully internet and a charger cause my phones dying! Ah, this is terrible! I was just about to win!”

Alec tuned out their complaints. They seemed like teenagers, really. It was crazy to him. “Hey Mags. Can we make room for seven tonight?”

After a quick conversation and a ‘I love you’ at the end, to which a couple demons gagged (Mammon and Satan), he said, “Okay, you can stay with us. Magnus can make room, he’s a warlock.”

Asmodeus gasped. Then, with words to shock after everything that had happened, he screamed with joy, “MY SON!”

[fictionalrambles]

Shadowhunters Fandom Story - Part Twelve

Submitted by notquiteascrazy

Five Favourite Stories

 The Stars Aligned series by @lecrit​

WHY I LOVE THIS FIC:  The only thing I knew for certain coming into this “picking faves process” was that there had to be something by Lecrit on this list. The way Lu writes Magnus & Alec enraptures me every single damn time and to narrow it down to just one was so hard. So I cheated & picked a series ;) It was one of the first Malec fics I read and just the whole AU is perfect.

I re-read it when Oscar Nominations are announced and on the day of the ceremony (I don’t even care about the Oscars). And probably 5 or 6 times throughout the year on top of that. The mutual pining is so strong to begin with, there’s some very light angst with some classic “bad guy” action by Camille and when they finally get their shit together, well, it’s just beautiful. Jace being an idiot, Izzy being the most supportive ever, nerd Simon… It’s got the works. If you haven’t already read it, why the hell not? Go. Now.

FAVORITE QUOTE: “I know we usually don’t thank our agents in these things,” he says, still scanning the room, “but my agent is also my PA and one of my best friends, and I just won an Oscar so I think I can do whatever I want tonight and he won’t hold it against me.” The audience laughs, as much in amusement as it is in surprise but Magnus doesn’t really notice, finally giving up. “Okay,” he exclaims in the mic, “I can’t find him. Has anyone seen Alec? Tall, dark, handsome and probably glued to his phone right now?” [Trying to cut this entire speech down into the best bit? Impossible but I decided to go with the start]

*

 2C by Oumy

WHY I LOVE THIS FIC:  I love the antagonism between Alec & Magnus to begin with and while the source of this is revealed in an additional fic later on, while reading 2C you can entirely predict what started it all. And within the main work itself, it doesn’t need saying because the way the characters are written subtly folds in all these personality traits that we know & love. Even before they finally get it together, they’re pushing each other & challenging each other to be the best versions of themselves. The way it builds from rivalry to romance is just *chefs kiss*

Plus, the mental image of Alec & Magnus as incredibly skilled musicians is Hot. We’ll ignore the slight “Magnus can’t play the charango and it’s awful every time he tries going near an instrument” thing… In this universe, they’re musical maestros!

FAVORITE QUOTE: Alec moved from the door, his long legs already eating up the distance to the entrance, and the competitive side of Magnus, the one that reluctantly thrived on their rivalry, refused to let him have the last word, so he blurted out at the retreating figure “Bite me, Lightwood” Alec turned around, walking backwards and spread his free hand, that perpetual half smile still etched on his face “Only if you ask nicely”

*

 Between the Lines by @msalexiscriss​

WHY I LOVE THIS FIC:  The plot is fantastic. The entire concept that Magnus is a criminal didn’t necessarily sit well with me at first but then as the story progresses and you realise why, it all starts to come together. And so much of their characteristics & traits are woven into it in a really fun way, e.g. Magnus’ love of glitter. From the very beginning the chemistry between them is so well written considering they’ve barely interacted in person. The way Magnus taunts Alec, the way they play this cat & mouse game. About halfway through I had this sudden fear that I would not enjoy the ending. I just couldn’t see a satisfying conclusion where no-one’s morals were compromised and they still got their happy ending but it really came together and did all the characters justice!

FAVORITE SCENE: The entire “first date” on the rooftop. The way Alec ends up there, the way Magnus has it all planned out. The conversation & the teasing from Magnus. The prying for information from Alec. The way they both dance around each other while enjoying the company & getting to know one another. 

  *

 Deeper Than the Truth by insieme

WHY I LOVE THIS FIC:  Can you really compile a list of favourite fics without including at least one coffee shop AU?! And this one is so much more than just a coffee shop AU. I love how Magnus’ unbridled passion & enthusiasm jumpstarts Alec. I love the slow burn that builds up between them & how their relationship develops. I love the quiet moments of their relationship that are interwoven with the bigger moments. I love the balance between Alec hating the lies he’s telling and knowing that he could hurt Magnus and the inner turmoil he goes through. I love that the reveal is realistically handled and not just swept under a rug but they actually talk about the communication issues. I just love it all.

FAVORITE QUOTE: “Well Alexander, I would love to continue this conversation at the present except I have a whole room of ladies with sharp sewing needles who are not going to be too pleased with me if I keep them waiting any longer. Perhaps if you’re here tomorrow, around the same time, we could bump into each other again, and you could tell me your ridiculous dislike for Mr. Archer over a cup of coffee?” Magnus looked at Alec confidently, like he had no reservations whatsoever that Alec wouldn’t accept his offer. He was right. “Tomorrow. Yeah, okay. I’ll be here.” Alec said, unable to stop the smile that crept onto his face. Magnus was already on his way out the store when Alec realized what Magnus had said. He called out after him, “My name is Alec!” Magnus just waved over his shoulder, calling out “See you tomorrow, Alexander!” He was so screwed. [What I have learnt about myself going through this exercise is the early moment of relationships in fics are my favourites. They set the tone of what’s to come & build the chemistry from there!]

  *

 Choose your weapon by @steakandvodka​

WHY I LOVE THIS FIC:  Clalec BROTP ftw. Honestly, this is just cute and shows such lovely character growth & their relationship develops so beautifully. Alec is shown as supportive & a good leader and very typically Alec in response to Clary. But it also shows a softer side & how him & Fray become friends.

Meanwhile, we see a struggle from Clary that isn’t shown in the show about how not being brought up in the shadow world means working harder to get up to scratch & her insecurities around it.

FAVORITE QUOTE: “Look, I know better than anyone how much pressure it can be to be perfect all the time. Especially when you have people doubting you — the drive to prove them wrong can overshadow every other responsibility in your life. But hard work isn’t always a good thing, not if you don’t go about it in a healthy way. It can set you back, and more importantly, you can get hurt” [Alec Lightwood finally embracing healthy work-life balance <3]

*

 Author Story

At first I felt a little bit like a fraud trying to write this. I’d hardly consider myself an author - I’ve barely really written anything (politely ignoring my terrible contributions to the HP fandom well over a decade ago)

I’d never really considered myself particularly creative, much happier to just absorb the fruits of other people’s creativity and be glad that there are so many talented people in the world writing stories and making art. Shadowhunters changed that for me. The characters have resonated with me and I found myself inspired on a couple of occasions to actually put pen to paper (Well, fingers to keyboard)

I still consider myself very creatively challenged but I’m enjoying exploring the little bursts of inspiration, even if I find myself wishing I’d paid more attention in English class! Reading has always been my escape from reality, writing is now giving me that opportunity to create my own escapes. So if there’s anyone else who’s new to this and nervous about trying to write/sharing their writing, I feel you! But if you have a story you want to tell - go for it! You might surprise yourself :)

[normal-thoughts-official]

Concept: enemies/rivals to lovers au where malec decide to hook up and have "hate sex" bc "I hate u but that doesnt mean u arent hot" but then it somehow ends up getting really tender and sweet anyway (bc of course they're both pining whether they realize it or not... bonus angst: magnus realizes and is Hurting alec is oblivious) and afterwards theres just this awkward silence of hm.. that was... Not hate sex

Bonus if it begins rough (not actually hurtful but rough) like alec slams him against a wall and it's all Flirting and Teasing but them they get to the making out and it's less rough and more very soft. (Also thinking alec slams magnus against a wall and magnus, embarrassingly, melts immediately bc he sub,, alec may tease him a little but hes also nonjudgemental and weirdly soft and magnus is like 😊)

hmmmmm i do love this concept but tbh i have trouble imagining a enemies to lovers au with malec because lmao when would they ever hate each other. i mean they had the perfect setup for this with alec being a shadowhunter but they’re just like nope. we ain’t about that life. like dahdsaidhasihdaihda

i guess rivals works tho, like they’re both competitive and turned on by competition oops yeah magnus reinvigorating sure and talented so i can see them both being like, idk athletes or some other shit who cares, and they’re like on opposing teams and there’s a rivalry going on because they’re both the aces

or if we want to be a healthy amount of ridiculous that fits our boys, they are just like. pool rivals in the local bar. izzy or fucking somebody dragged alec to the bar one (1) time and because alec isn’t big on drinking or noise or anything he just beelined to the pool table, and magnus immediately joined him, and they just turned like. VICIOUS. immediately. because they’re both about as good and competitive

so it becomes kind of a Thing - every saturday night they’ll “happen to be at the bar” and “see each other” and be like “i want a rematch” and monopolize the pool table. i mean other people can join them but it’s hell because they’re so focused on each other they just keep quipping and bantering and basically all but ignoring them. and everyone is like sigh. but it’s fun to watch so other ppl quickly start getting there to watch them and making bets and shit, and it gets the bar considerably more popular, so the owners aren’t mad

(i’m picturing that the owners are meliorn/maia/raphael because hoo boy am i a slut for the polycule. maia is the bartender and raphael cooks and meliorn kind of handles logistics. simon is a musician but he plays there all the time too and they’re all together and it’s cute. anyway that’s why magnus is always there, he always comes to see raphael and they spend most of the afternoon talking - idk he works mostly at the counter along with maia? look don’t question me. also earlier there aren’t a lot of people anyway so it’s mostly slow so they’re going around and getting everything ready and magnus helps okay let me have this - until eventually raphael sighs all like “tall boy is here” and magnus turns and sure enough, there is alec and there they go to the pool table)

okay so eventually alec learns that magnus is usually there on tuesdays as well as saturdays, so he starts coming in on tuesdays too because it’s better anyway and he gets to play and unwind with like, less people around, and it’s nice. and that’s when they start to know each other a little more deeply because they can engage in conversation without anyone watching (well. the polycule is definitely watching, but subtly. raphael will deny it in the face of overwhelming evidence but they all know he’s watching and desperately rooting for magnus and getting way too invested in their pool games) and actually like, talk about themselves without feeling weird? you know. usually they start talking to try and “distract” the other but their banter comes in so easily and they do have a lot of common interests and experiences and it just progresses naturally. talking and playing, playing and talking

(lmao there’s probably a point when magnus won’t be able to go to the bar as usual and he lets raphael know and raphael’s all teasingly like “should i tell tall boy not to come then?” and magnus is like don’t be ridiculous. but alec comes in and raphael tells him that magnus isn’t here today and alec is like *SULKS* and maia just kinda pets him on the head and it’s funny and ridiculous okay)

ANYWAY onto the theme of this ask (god why can’t i stick to the original idea for anything ever) they start to know each other better and fall in love and all that jazz, but their whole relationship is like. laced by the competitiveness and the game, you know? so they’re like ah yes haha we’re definitely rivals not friends at all. yes i did tell him some of my secrets and past experiences and we see each other almost every week why do you ask

and there’s obviously a lot of flirting involved because you CAN’T tell me that they don’t get turned on by competitiveness and each other’s skill, okay. like alec will score or whatever it’s called and magnus is equal parts big mad because they’re tied again and just like oh myh ofd so muhc arm jhmmmm strong competentt,,, god please fuck me until i cant speak and magnus has Even More Arm so alec is just watching him (also he’s so graceful and flexible and focused and every time he gets into position to idk what it’s called you get the idea, do the thing, alec is just. mesmerized by his movements and looking respectfully. and then he scores and smirks at him and alec is like god DAMN it you little brat i’m going to fuck you so hard haha what who said that) 

so anyway they flirt a lot and you can’t tell what is bantering and that is flirting anymore, and the sexual (and romantic but they don’t wanna acknowledge that. tbh mostly romantic because while i love some good ole sexual tension i feel like sometimes fics like this rely too much on that and u can’t feel the romance but like, they definitely start to talk about their lives and have a lot of fun together not just sexyal tension you know? like most of the time they’re really just talking normally about their days and they open up and just talking to each other makes them feel so much lighter and that’s why they keep coming back, you know? but they also flirt) tension is thick and eventually they end up kissing kinda roughly and passionately

and YEAH it begins kinda rough like wall slamming and all and magnus is all melty and like of course they’re not gonna do anything kinky because that’s a kinda spur of the moment thing and they didn’t discuss boundaries, or anything. but just like alec towering over him, kissing him roughly, clearly taking control and magnus being super into it and grabbing him and bringing him closer and wrapping his legs around him and just humping him and moaning? hmmm delicious 

anywAY yeah they’re supposed to have “hate sex” (not like really hate but more like, oh my god i’m so tired of you teasing me all the time and being an asshole and my totally rival not anything else, we should fuck about it) but like. they’re just. in love tbh and soon the kisses turn more reverent and alec’s wandering hands get softer and start just exploring and loving and it’s suddenly slow and sweet and he’s kissing every inch of magnus’ skin (even as magnus is kinda bratty like come on alexander, fuck me) and it’s just hmmm just great and loving. and alec fucks him slowly and magnus kisses him deeply and they’re both holding each other close and when magnus comes he lets out this beautiful moan and alec comes too, all like “oh my god, you are so perfect, so beautiful” 

and then they’re kinda like, panting and coming down from the high, and maybe they even kiss again after they’ve come without realizing what they’re doing? just like hmm good and nice and they’re still embracing and alec’s dick is still inside of magnus lol and they kiss slowly and languidly and then they just kind of come down from the high and look at each other like. oh god. shit. fuck 

but there’s no denying it so they’re just kind of like. hm. i guess we should. talk about this? haha. and they do because we stan healthy communication and that’s the story of how malec used hate sex as an excuse to be boyfriends 

[arialerendeair]

For the Magnus Birthday Bash prompt: Maybe more of Magnus learning something strange about Nephilim culture? Maybe in a funnier context where he cannot *believe* this is a thing, what is the deal with all of you, with Alec trying to defend himself?

OH MY GOD, OKAY THIS IS GONNA BE A BIT CRACKY, SO HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTTS BECAUSE WE’RE IN FOR SOME FUN HERE.  

This fic is going to be titled: “So is it for the aesthetic, or....?” 

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Magnus stopped next to Alec in the center of Ops and sipped his coffee, idly looking around at the assembled shadowhunters for the mission they were about to go on.  All very serious, very attentive expressions, but there was one thing he couldn’t stop noticing.  

Leather jacket.  Leather jacket.  Leather jacket, leather pants.  Leather jacket.  

He squinted and looked to Izzy, who was wearing a gorgeous, and short, red dress...and a leather jacket.  

“There’s more leather in here than in Pandemonium on a Saturday night,” he muttered, glancing around.  Magnus heard Izzy snort and caught her eye, giving her a quick wink before turning back to the briefing.  

Black was for hunting, he knew that much.  

But honestly.  What was with all of the leather? 

He’d just have to ask Alexander later.  

~!~

"Well that went better than anticipated," Magnus said, sinking onto the couch with a groan.  His fingertips were still twinging with pain after he'd had to pick up the adamas blade to defend himself from the demon that had broken through the ranks of shadowhunters.  

"I don't know that I'd say that," Alec protested, looking at Magnus from where he was already slumped on the couch.  "But at least no one was seriously hurt." 

Magnus hummed his agreement, relaxing back into the comfortable couch.  The creak of Alec's leather jacket reminded him of what he'd wanted to ask earlier and he opened his eyes, giving the shadowhunter next to him a contemplative look.  

"What?" Alec muttered, opening both his eyes to stare at Magnus.  "Why are you giving me that look?  Stop it."  

"I have a question," Magnus started, narrowing his eyes at Alec.  "But I don't want you to...answer it at the same time."

Alec blinked a few times at Magnus and tried to parse that.  "Okay, you're going to have to ask whatever the hell it is, because I cannot parse through that to save my life."  

Magnus huffed and rolled his eyes.  "In the grand scheme of things I don't think it means anything, but it also might, so I'm curious."  

Alec raised both of his eyebrows.  "That's...cryptic."  

"Actually cryptic this time, too," Magnus muttered, shifting to lean against the couch so he could study Alec.  He thought back to standing in Ops.  A vast majority of the shadowhunters had been wearing leather of some sort, even if it was only boots.  

"Hurry up and ask, I can see it's eating away at you," Alec grumbled, staring at him.  

"All right," Magnus said, looking up and down Alec's body in a slow sweep.  "What is with all of the leather?  Is it a culture thing?"  

Alec blinked.  "What?"  

"The leather thing," Magnus said with a gesture to Alec's jacket.  "You all wear what I would consider a truly excessive amount of leather-"

"Magnus, you wear leather pants several days a week," Alec interrupted.  

"Yes, but I wear them for aesthetic purposes, my darling.  I like how you stare at my ass when I do," Magnus shot back, a smirk firmly affixed to his face.  "I'm reasonably sure that shadowhunters are not wearing leather for the aesthetic."  

Alec tilted his head and then turned to look up at the ceiling.  "Well, no, because with the exception of some shadowhunters like Izzy, we just don't care."  

"Right," Magnus drawled.  "So, why all the leather?  I mean, the Institute can put BDSM clubs to shame most days, and that is a truly impressive feat."  

Alec snorted and shook his head, rolling his eyes.  "It's not that bad, Magnus."  

"Ten of the twelve shadowhunters that went on the mission with us today were wearing leather jackets, yourself, Isabelle, Jace and Clary included," Magnus said, ticking off his fingers.  "I can count on one hand the number of people I saw in the Institute who weren't wearing some sort of leather, because even if you don't wear it, your boots almost always are."  

Alec stopped and thought about it, nodding along.  "I suppose you're right."  

"Right," Magnus said, nodding.  "But here's the thing, I want to know why.  Because leather, for all that it ups your general Nephilim badassness by a lot, it's not the best material for what you all do."  

"What do you mean?" Alec asked, tilting his head to study Magnus.  

"Well, leather is rather restrictive.  No matter how good you are, no matter how much you train, if your clothing is restricting your movement, you shouldn't be wearing it," Magnus pointed out.  "Unless there's another reason that you're wearing it....which is why I'm asking."  

Alec opened his mouth and thought better of it, snapping it shut a moment later.  "I mean, I've never worn it simply because I like the look of it."  

Magnus raised an eyebrow at him.  "It does lend to the bad boy vibe you like to rock, Alexander.  But is there a reason you wear it?"  

"It..." Alec looked at his boots next to the door and then down at the jacket he was still wearing.  "Ichor doesn't stick to it.  It does to other stuff.  It slides right off."  

Magnus snorted.  "The amount of times I have cleaned Ichor off that jacket you're currently wearing would suggest distinctly otherwise, but I'll give you that they tend to hold up better.  But that's just how the fabric is treated, you could buy the same in a hundred different styles."  

Alec tilted his head and stared at Magnus.  "What do you mean?"

"Weatherproofing," Magnus said with a wave towards the boots at the door.  "That's why stuff slides off your clothing.  Most leather these days comes with it, because otherwise it's damaged by something as simple as water, and in this city, no one ever carries a damn umbrella when they should and-"

"Wait, wait," Alec said, holding up his hand.  "Jace started wearing leather back when we were in training because he said it was easier to clean off the ichor, and it was.  I wasn't buying new jackets every other week."  

Magnus blinked and stared at the shadowhunter sitting next to him.  "And I'm sure that he shared this information with everyone, and all of you started incorporating leather into your wardrobes."  

Alec shrugged.  "I don't know if that's how it exactly happened, but it sounds close enough to the truth."  

"So," Magnus started to laugh, pinching the bridge of his nose.  "What you're telling me is that shadowhunters don't know what the hell weatherproofing is, so they latched onto the first type of clothing that comes with it?"  

Alec opened his mouth and then snapped it shut.  "What's weatherproofing?  Does that make it waterproof, or something?"  

"Or something," Magnus agreed, snapping his fingers so a pair of khaki pants appeared in his hand.  "See these?"  

Alec raised an eyebrow.  "Yes?"

"I know they're not black, but they'll illustrate my point," Magnus said, summoning a glass of wine to his hand next.  He waited until Alec was watching and proceeded to pour the wine all over the pants, staring as it slid off the fabric to collect on the couch before he waved it away.  

"How?"

Magnus sighed and snapped the empty wineglass away, holding the pants out to Alec.  "The fabric has been treated in the same way your precious leather jackets have been.  Some fabric can't have this done, due to the nature of it, but your shadowhunters could Rainex the rest of their clothing and get the same effect."  

"What in the angel's name is Rainex?"  Alec asked, staring at Magnus with a frown.  "And why can't we just buy more clothing that has that already done so we don't need to do it ourselves?"  

"I mean, you could," Magnus agreed.  "Or you could just Rainex everything you own and it'll be practically an ichor repellent."  

Alec looked down at his jacket and then back up at Magnus.  “Really?” 

Magnus grinned and leaned in closer to Alec.  “Yes.  And what do you say to winning a bet with Jace while you’re at it?” 

Alec raised both of his eyebrows and started to grin.  “I’m listening.”  

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Prompts closing soon for Magnus Bane’s Birthday Bash - get yours in if you haven’t yet!! 

[fraysbanes]

guide to healing a broken heart

Characters: Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray

Relationship: Clary Fray/Isabelle Lightwood, Clary Fray/Jace Wayland (briefly), Isabelle Lightwood/Simon Lewis (briefly)

Rating: T

Summary: written for the shadowhunters wlw fic bingo, for the square “post-canon”

Clary comes back into her life the same way she does most things: headfirst, with no warning, and knocking the breath out of everyone in her path.

It’s the voice Izzy recognizes first, when they bump into each other at the Institute, where Izzy’s heading to the weapons room after a meeting in Alicante and Clary’s staring around the familiar-yet-unfamiliar space, distracted in her awestruck state. Izzy nearly topples over with the force of the collision, but manages to straighten up at the last second. The red-haired girl who bumped into her is quick to smother her with apologies, at least.

And Izzy freezes, because that voice .

She quickly banishes the thought. It can’t be Clary. Clary is gone. And it’s taken Izzy the better part of a year to come to terms with that. Clary is not here.

But then she looks up into those startled green eyes and it’s like she’s falling again.

Clary blinks. Something like recognition passes through her features. It’s gone too soon, though, and Izzy wonders whether it was ever there, because that shouldn’t be possible.

Then again, when has Clary ever cared about what is and is not possible?

A word slips from Clary’s lips, shaky and hesitant and lower than even a whisper, but there nonetheless:

“Isabelle?”

Izzy’s breath hitches. Before she can think of a way to respond - before she can even really process what’s happened - Jace is running into the room, grabbing Clary by the arm and letting out a sigh of relief.

“Where did you run off to?” he asks breathlessly. “I was just about to introduce you to-”

“Jace,” Izzy interrupts. “What the hell is going on?”

“Iz!” Jace says, surprised to see her there. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you and Alec.”

“I was at a meeting. Now tell me what the hell is going on .”

Clary answers instead of Jace. “I remember,” she says. There is a proud, triumphant gleam in her eyes. “Well, some things. I know I’m missing time. I know I used to live here. I know you. But I don’t remember all of it, so Jace and Luke are helping jog my memory.”

Izzy looks between the two of them. But her eyes keep drifting to Clary. Clary with her new haircut and her new clothes and her new life and this new beginning.

“Is this some kind of joke?” Izzy asks quietly, voice shaky with the array of emotions she’s trying to contain.

“What?” Jace frowns. “No!”

“Then am I dreaming?”

“No!” Clary says. “No, I promise- Oh, Izzy, it’s okay…”

She steps closer and places one hand on Izzy’s shoulder, another on her cheek to wipe away tears Izzy hadn’t even realized she’d been crying. The next thing Clary does is pull her into a hug - which Izzy of course melts into. It’s warm and sweet and comforting (it’s Clary , how could it not be?). But it feels different. Like something is missing.

History.

And something else.

“How did this happen?” Izzy asks once she’s done crying her heart out into Clary’s shoulder. Right there in the middle of the Institute she’s supposed to be running. For some reason, that doesn’t make her feel as weak and vulnerable as it should.

“I don’t know,” Clary admits. She’s still holding Izzy by the arms.

(Izzy tries not to think about the last time Clary held her by the arm.)

They decide to figure it out. In the following weeks, Clary spends most of her time at the Institute, being led around by Jace or Simon or Luke and even Max, once, when he comes to visit Izzy and Clary immediately recognizes him. Whenever she can, Izzy shows her around, too. They spend most of their time in Clary’s old bedroom watching her go through the things she left behind with a look of deep concentration on her face, or in the library trying to figure out what the hell happened to her. They don’t get very far with that, but Clary’s memories do start to return more and more each day.

By the fourth week, Izzy breaks up with Simon.

He’s quiet, trying to understand. She doesn’t know what to say to make him understand. To make it hurt less.

You were a dream , she wants to say. You were a fresh start. You were a mirror to my fucked up family and my fucked up heart and all my unresolved issues. You were what I needed. You made me feel needed.

Past tense.

You’re not her .

“You deserve the world,” she says instead. And I don’t deserve to settle.

Simon nods, inhales, looks up. “I love you,” he says.

Izzy shuts her eyes. “Simon, please-”

“But I don’t want us to be together if you have doubts. I think we both deserve better than that.”

Izzy feels like a weight has been lifted off her chest. She feels guilty for feeling that way.

“Yeah,” she says. “We do.” And then, hesitantly, she adds, “Friends?”

Simon takes in a deep breath and stands. He smiles. “Always,” he says.

She can’t tell whether he’s lying for her sake or his own.

But life goes on. And a few nights later, Izzy is awoken from her sleep by a loud knocking at her bedroom door. She drags herself out of bed, ready to kill whatever employee or demon or brother thought it was a good idea to wake her after the exhausting day she’s had, but when she opens the door, a tearful Clary is on the other side.

“Was it you?” Clary demands before Izzy can get a word out.

“What?”

“Was it you?” Clary asks again, her eyes never leaving Izzy’s. “Jace wouldn’t tell me. But it had to have been you, right? I know it was-”

“Clary!” Izzy snaps. “Please just tell me what this is about. Did something happen?”

Clary holds something up: her sketchbook. A new one. Not one of the ones she left behind, the ones Jace and Izzy took turns flipping through and trying not to stain with tears when Clary first left. It’s open to a page with a small sketch on it. Of a woman, her face mostly hidden behind long dark hair, smiling at a snake that’s curled its way up her arm.

Underneath it, in her messy handwriting, Clary has scribbled, my first love .

“I dreamt it,” Clary explains. “A few months ago I had this dream about a beautiful woman with a tattoo on her chest and a snake on her arm, and I woke up in tears because I was just so in love with her. And I don’t mean I thought she was cool or pretty, I mean I was in love. And when I woke up, she felt real, and it felt like I’d actually lost her, even though I knew she was just a dream and I’d never been in love. But…” She laughs a little through the tears, hugging her sketchbook to her chest. “She was real, wasn’t she? She was you.”

Izzy waits to wake up. Actually wake up, because this can’t possibly be real. She steps back inside her room and, ignoring Clary’s confused frown, walks over to her dresser drawer to turn it inside out. When she finally finds what she was searching for, she marches back over to Clary and hands her the creased, crumpled, tear-stained letter.

Dearest Isabelle , it starts.

It was touching, at the time, that Clary spent her last remaining hours writing them each a letter. But as time went on it just started to feel cruel. To have this personal, physical thing left behind by her, offering closure none of them were ever going to get.

“‘Forever your…parabatai…’” Clary reads the end out loud, her own words unfamiliar to her. “Oh.”

“Jace was your first love,” Izzy says. Quickly, hoping that will make the reality of it hurt less. “I was your best friend.”

Clary looks about ready to cry again. “So you didn’t love me like that?”

Izzy can’t say no. But she can’t say yes, either. Not without betraying the most important people in her life.

And there she goes again! a little voice in the back of her head cries. Isabelle Lightwood, the fucking saint , pretending she has no choice because she chooses to put other people’s happiness ahead of her own. And she wonders who keeps breaking her heart.

Clary’s eyes light up at her hesitance. “You did, didn’t you?” she asks, too much hope in her voice and in her eyes and in her heart for Izzy to stand looking at. “You do . I know you do. Please say you do.”

Please say you do.

Present tense.

“Clary…” Isabelle whispers. And it’s confession enough.

Clary hugs her. It’s their first hug since their reunion almost a month ago, and it feels different again. This time, Izzy doesn’t know what’s new and what’s missing. She doesn’t care. It doesn’t matter. She just lets Clary hold her and lets herself hope.

“I love you, too,” Clary says softly. She pulls back to look into Izzy’s eyes, smiling like they’re the most beautiful things she’s ever seen. Izzy can’t help but reach up and hold Clary’s face in both her hands. It’s her turn to wipe Clary’s tears away.

“I didn’t realize it before, but I do,” Clary goes on. “In every way a human being can love another human being. In every way that matters. I know you do, too.” Her eyes flutter closed and she leans in. Marginally. Waiting for permission. “Tell me you do, Iz.”

The last part is a whisper, and it makes Izzy want to scream her answer.

“I do,” Izzy says. “I love you.”

And when she closes the last of the space between them, it feels like she’s putting her heart back together.

[writing-in-verse]

The Angel and The Seraph

Another fanfic for you all; this time I decided to look at Jace and Kit’s first training session, and what it would be like to have two Herondale’s share the same space.

I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed wriiting it, as this one was fun to get right as it was a bit more involved than the last Fic I wrote (Remembrance of a Dead Boy, if you’re curious) so it was  nice step up.

Any and all feedback is welcome, but I just hope you love it and enjoy it and all that good stuff.

Enjoy!

The sun was setting in Devon as Kit Herondale stepped into the whirling portal, exchanging solid ground for infinite nothing and then, in mere moments, hard gravel. From green fields to the concrete jungle of New York, Manhattan to be precise, in the blink of an eye.  Kit absently brushed the blonde hair out his eyes as he took in the Institute rising before him. He’d come to master portal travel as well as any experienced Shadowhunter, but he still hadn’t quite gotten used to the suddenness of the method. The midday sun shinning off the Institute spires reminded Kit he’d just gained an extra five hours to spend how he pleased, if he didn’t crash around seven. America, his homeland and the place he’d spent most of his life right up until he moved to Devon with Tessa and Jem. He thought he’d be happy to back in the country, albeit on the opposite side to where his life took place, but he just felt a wave of sadness at all he’d lost here. His father, barely a body to speak of, and the Blackthorns, one he still felt the presence of at his side. He wondered how they were doing, and if Dru had tormented Julian to tears with her lockpicking skills yet. With a small smile and one final glance round out of sheer habit, he stepped through the main doors, on the hunt for Jace Herondale.

Jace was Kit’s long-lost relative and a living legend in Shadowhunter society, a common occurrence among Herondales if Tessa’s dead husband Will (another legend tied to the Herondale name) was anything to go by. Jace had sent a fire message a few months after Kit moved to Devon to escape the boy with the depthless grey eyes that kept him awake, alert, like there was some threat looming. The words to describe it didn’t come; all he could sense was the ache in his chest.

Kit shook the cobwebs out of his mind as he took the rickety elevator up to the main institute levels. He stepped into the corridor and reminded himself why he was here: to train with Jace. It was Jace’s idea; the letter stated he wanted to make sure all his kin were kept up to scratch, but Kit had heard the stories and knew Jace wouldn’t let any of the surviving Herondales come to harm. Kit was just interested to get more training and to connect with someone who was as close to a blood relative as he’d had since the death of his father. He had Tessa, of course, but she hailed from a different line, meaning they probably shared very little blood. Of course, she was over a hundred years old and had kept up with her own descendants as best she could, but Kit’s own ancestry had been hidden away in secret so not even the Fey could find them.  

He’d been so inside his own head, Kit had barely registered the mostly quiet halls as he’d passed the kitchen and come to the library, doors open slightly to allow Kit an unobscured view inside. He peered in, glancing around the room, but found even the vast shelves lacking much of the life he expected from the building that was now the centre to Shadowhunter government and society. He’d heard Alec Lightwood hadn’t wanted to uproot everyone too quickly, instead putting everyone where they could stabilise and maintain the infrastructure. Alec himself went between the Institute and the loft of Magnus Bane, The High Warlock of Brooklyn, to meet with the Shadowhunter-Downworlder Alliance. Alec was a status symbol, and someone Kit admired not just for being openly gay and dating the most powerful warlock in Brooklyn, but Kit for the work he did that had earned him the role of Consul.

Then there were the friends and family who supported Alec unlike any Kit had ever experienced himself, one of which was the only beacon of colour among the dimly-lit library; Clary Fairchild. Clary was the other prodigy everyone heard about, and the love of Jace’s life. Her long red hair shone from the chandelier’s candlelight making Kit understand the feeling of warmth and hope she resonated to the people she fought alongside.

She seemed in the middle of researching one thing or another, so Kit quietly left Clary to her studies and went in search of the training room where Jace was no doubt waiting for him. Along the way he passed a few Shadowhunters going about their business, but apart from a nod and welcoming smile, no one intercepted him before he finally found the entrance to the training room. He stopped just outside and took a deep breath before pushing the door open and stepping inside.

The training room was large, placed within one of the bigger spires that rose up out of the Institute’s main body. Smooth wooden floors with various markers vaguely reminded Kit of a sports hall, which would have been apt if it wasn’t for the large, church-like windows across the outer wall and racks of weapons of various shapes and sizes covering the other. Benches ran below the windows, allowing people to rest and spectate the forging of a warrior in real time.

Kit stepped towards the centre of the room, doing a half-turn as he scanned for his distant relative turned personal trainer but found the place empty. He kept sliding his gaze around out of the sheer appreciation of the room, running eyes his up into the rafters where he finally caught sight of a golden head of hair and matching irises staring down at him out of the darkness.

“Christopher.” Jace was leaning against one of the vertical beams, swagger practically radiating off him.

“Jonathan,” Kit replied, his blue eyes holding Jace’s blazing gold ones.

Without a word, Jace pushed away from his leaning post and without so much as a thought for his own safety stepped off his perch and dropped.

Kit’s eyes went wide as he watched him fall at least thirty feet to the floor. Kit expected to hear a loud crash, followed by howling pain, or just a crumpled heap as the dust cleared, but Jace hit the ground with a thud, bouncing on his feet once before stopping barely five feet from Kit.

“It’s Jace,” he said by way of explanation. His face serious but his eyes still held some of the humour, the challenge. Kit just stared, trying to come up with an appropriate response to…that.

“Kit,” he decided on. “So, the legend is true: Jace Herondale really doesn’t take fall damage. It’s almost impressive.” Kit returned Jace’s challenge, his blue eyes keeping up with the warrior’s intensity.

“Almost?” A look of mock offense appeared on his angular, handsome face. “Although what could truly impress Mr Light Show, making horses vanish in battle? Cavalry everywhere are quaking in their boots.”

“Better than your acrobatics; are you going to show a Raum demon ‘The Magnificent Feats of Jace Herondale’ and tightrope walk your way to victory?”

At that, Jace turned on his heel, giving Kit some breathing room, and went over to the weapons wall without so much as a retort. Kit had asked on several occasions what he should expect from Jace, and every time he’d been given the same answer: expect a Herondale. Kit wasn’t well-versed on what that meant but he was fairly sure Jace backing down wasn’t usually a part of it.

He about to speak up and apologise when Jace spun like lightning and something whistled past Kit’s ear, embedding itself in the wall behind him. He turned to see a throwing dagger hilt deep in the wall.

“Not just party tricks,” Jace remarked, and Kit saw the amused glee in his face at catching Kit off guard.

Not one to concede defeat after the first round, Kit asked, “As much as I enjoy watching you show off your angel-given gifts to the rest of us mere mortals, any chance we could do some practical training? Or are there any other contests you’d like to me to measure myself against?”

“There is one other way I’d like to compare your worth, but I wouldn’t want to make you feel completely inferior on your first day of training. I’ll spread out the humiliation, let you appreciate it bit by bit.” The swagger was back in Jace’s step as he walked towards Kit with a steel sword. “It’s blunt, but better to learn the real weight of a weapon. Plus, if you mess up, it’ll hurt like hell and I’ve heard pain is a great motivator.” He smiled innocently as Kit took the sword.

“I wouldn’t know. Although when you’re on your ass, take notes for me.”

Jace’s mouth curved into a predatory smile at Kit’s retort, he squared his feet and pointed his sword.

“Hit me.”

Kit swung. He’d had some prior experience with basic swordplay – enough to know how to handle the blade without cutting himself – so he was fairly confident he could do competently in his first session with Jace.

Kit had certainly miscalculated Jace’s willingness to go easy on his kin. By the time Kit’s sword found the space where Jace should have been he’d already dodged left, earning Kit a smack across the jaw.

“Too slow.”

Kit recovered and swung again. Jace dodged right and punched him again, this time across the shoulder. Pain stung Kit’s arm, enough to hurt and for him to nearly drop the sword, but not enough where he couldn’t recover quickly.

“You need to be faster,” Jace told him impatiently.

Kit lunged a third time, but when Jace dodged and went in for the counter Kit brought his arms up, absorbing the hit. Not one to waste an advantage, Kit attacked and earned a satisfying hit to the arm that Jace had brought up as defence.

“Clever,” Jace commented. “If you can’t be offensive use defence to your advantage.”

Kit made to attack again but feigned, baiting Jace into a dodge. Kit lunged for his leg, aiming to get him down, but Jace produced his own sword and blocked the attack. Steel clanged and Kit stumbled as Jace pressed the advantage, sweeping Kit’s leg out from under him. Kit’s eyes flashed with pain, and when he recovered Jace was stood over him, sword pointed at his neck.

“You know most people keep spare change on their person, where did the sword come from?”

“You should have spotted it,” Jace replied with a smirk.

Kit scanned Jace, cursing his lapse in observation, and spotted the concealed scabbard just poking out from his lower back. He’d clipped it on so the hilt would be hidden behind his leg, not over the shoulder where Kit would expect it.

“Any foe you’re fighting will attempt to outsmart you, even if it might inconvenience them. The advantage could be huge. A concealed weapon could win a fight, as your ass is now reminding you.” Jace moved the sword and held out his hand. Kit took it, hauling himself up onto his feet.

Jace looked at him, his eyes bright, and Kit realised Jace wasn’t just an exceptional fighter, but he was taking pride in the training, at being able to have an impact on his family in ways he hadn’t experienced yet.

Kit opened his mouth to ask for a rematch when the training room door opened, and a head of fiery red hair appeared cautiously around the door. “I hope the pair of you haven’t torn the entire room apart. I’ve been dreading the day two Herondales locked swords.”

Jace’s features visibly softened, his shoulders relaxed, but the swagger remained as he made his way over to Clary.

“I was thinking if you both want a break, I could order Chinese,” Clary said, looking Jace in the eyes, her love radiating so powerfully it make Kit want to give them some privacy.

He watched their slow, deliberate embrace. There was no wanting, no passion for more, it seemed to Kit as though they were content in the presence of each other, as if their world only made sense with each other in it. He wondered if this was what love was, this uncompromised happiness, and if he would ever get close to that. As he watched their perfect bliss, everything else vanishing around them until only they were left, Kit couldn’t help but think back to the slender boy who had pinned him to a wall with grey eyes as much as the blade in his hand. He thought about the mornings he’d see the head of black hair resting amongst blankets and books outside his door, how it was a sentry he never asked for, yet wouldn’t have traded for the world. Yet he did, he traded it all, all that love, for Devon.

We was pulled out of his thoughts about his recent mistakes at the sound of Jace’s clear voice echoing around the room.

“Sure,” replied Jace. “But you…” he said, pointing at Kit, “Have so much more to learn. You’re representing the new age of Herondales, and I won’t let you give the legions of hell the impression we’re slacking.”

“Oh please, you dropped all pretence of training at the mere mention of Chinese food. So much for that Herondale stoicism I’ve heard so much about,” Kit replied with a mock sigh and followed them out of the training room toward the kitchen.  

As they walked through the halls, Jace and Clary side by side in quiet contentment, Kit knew that even though they put the swords down, the sparring between him and Jace was far from over.

He smiled at the thought.

[wordtotherose]

100 Ways To Say I Love You - Halfway Point Masterpost

Here’s your easy to use masterpost for all 50 fanfics so far in the series. More under the cut!

1. Pull Over, Let Me Drive For A While

Magnus and Alec are driving in the car. Fluffiness ensues. - By Essiee

2. It Reminded Me Of You

Alec's eyes are a gorgeous shade of blue and it's something Magnus loves. - By Essiee

3. No, No, It’s My Treat

Alec takes Magnus on a coffee date. - By Guardian_Rose

4. Come Here. Let Me Fix It

Alec's bow is broken in a hunt and Magnus is there to help. - By Essiee

5. I’ll Walk You Home

Alec doesn't like the thought of leaving his boyfriend to walk home on his own. - By Guardian_Rose

6. Have A Good Day At Work

Alec leaves a note for Magnus - By Guardian_Rose

7. I Dreamt Of You Last Night

Alec dreams of Magnus and they are sappy romantics. - By Guardian_Rose

8. Take My Seat

Alec goes to visit Magnus's loft after training. - By Guardian_Rose

9. I Saved A Piece For You

Isabelle makes a cake and Alec decides it is time for Magnus to be introduced to his sister's cooking. -  By Guardian_Rose

10. I’m Sorry For Your Loss

Magnus wakes up to find Alec and his mother arguing in the loft's living room. He gets protective. -  By Guardian_Rose

11. You Can Have Half

Alec gets drunk and misses Magnus so he just lets himself into the Warlock's loft. -  By Guardian_Rose

12. Take My Jacket, It’s Cold Outside

Magnus and Alec fight after a disastrous dinner date. -  By Guardian_Rose

13. Sorry I’m Late

Magnus gets caught up in his thoughts while doing his makeup and ends up late for his date with Alec. -  By Essiee

14. Can I Have This Dance

Magnus and Alec go dancing and share a quiet moment together. -  By Essiee

15. I Made Your Favourite

Magnus picks Alec and Isabelle from the Institute to portal them to the loft for a movie night with the rest of the shadowhunters/downworlders. Fluff ensues.

Mentions of a previous fic but all you need to know is that they had a fight and have made up. -  By Guardian_Rose

16. It’s Okay, I Couldn’t Sleep Anyway

Magnus is lost in his thoughts instead of sleeping when he gets a phone call from Alec. -  By Essiee

17. Watch Your Step

It's far too early for Alec to be awake and Magnus knows it. -  By Guardian_Rose

18. Here, Drink This. You’ll Feel Better

Alec is injured in a battle and Magnus gets quite protective before feeling guilty over not keeping his boyfriend completely safe from harm.

Happy ending with pancakes! -  By Guardian_Rose

19. Can I Hold Your Hand

Alec waits while Magnus and Catarina argue in the living room. At 3am.

It's not the way Alec was hoping his day would start if he was being honest.  -  By Guardian_Rose

20. You Can Borrow Mine

Magnus gets a little (I swear, only a little) jealous when someone starts flirting with Alec at one of his parties.

Also including cute drunk Simon and secretly sappy Raphael. -  By Guardian_Rose

21. You Might Like This

Alec gives Magnus a present. -  By Guardian_Rose

22. It’s Not Heavy, I’m Stronger Than I Look

Alec doesn't know what to get Magnus and Isabelle has to persuade him to believe in his choices. After all, for Magnus anything from Alec is special. -  By Guardian_Rose

23. I’ll Wait

Alec goes over to Magnus's loft for a movie date only to find a young werewolf generally being a nuisance.  -  By Guardian_Rose

24. Just Because

Alec needs Jace to cover for his absence whilst he goes with Magnus to adopt another cat. -  By Guardian_Rose

25. Look Both Ways

“Uh, hello.” Alec mumbled, wincing at the hoarseness of his voice; he hadn’t spoken for quite a while as there had been no need. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Hello, who is this?”

Whoever was on the other side giggled, Alec raised an eyebrow as he heard shuffling before someone answered.

“Hi Alec!”

“Max? Whose phone are you using?” Alec asked, concerned but not overly worried as if something was wrong then Max wouldn't be giggling. -  By Guardian_Rose

26. I’m Sorry. I Didn’t Mean To

Alec was clearly exhausted and Magnus was worried that he hadn't been sleeping enough and he was also worried about why.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Alec murmured but didn't make any move to untangle himself from the warlock.

“Do you need to tell anyone where you’re going?” Magnus leaned back, putting a small amount of distance between him and his boyfriend in order to meet his eyes. -  By Guardian_Rose

27. Try Some

He was surprised when he saw Magnus looking at Alec with something akin to awe and unadulterated affection. He flushed hotly but made himself maintain eye contact, raising his eyebrow questioningly.

“So?” He queried when Magnus didn't say anything. -  By Guardian_Rose

28. Drive Safely 

Magnus liked Jace, he truly did. He was a Herondale through and through, reminding him of his old friend Will Herondale on more than one occasion but in a way he had the same undying loyalty and resolve that the other Lightwood siblings possessed in abundance. Okay, so sometimes he grated on Magnus’s nerves more than the others and yes, Magnus was known to be what could be considered rude to the Nephilim but deep down he felt the same affection and mutual respect that he held for the other Shadowhunter’s of the group. -  By Guardian_Rose

29. Well, What Do You Want To Do

He heard more than saw Magnus move to kneel in front of him, felt his gaze, heard his breathing and the rustle of his clothes. The warlock put a hand over Alec’s to stop him fidgeting. He could see the matching bracelet on the tan wrist and felt the tears push even harder to fall. Then they were and Alec didn't know what to do.

“Alec.” -  By Guardian_Rose

30. One More Chapter

4 times Magnus has to interrupt Alec reading and one time he doesn’t.

Magnus learnt fairly early on in the relationship that Alec liked reading. He discovered this when the younger man would ransack his shelves and curl up on one end of the couch giving Magnus plenty of time to work; both of them simply enjoying each other’s company and presence. -  By Guardian_Rose

31. Don’t Worry About Me

Magnus and Alec are getting drinks when Alec is hit on by a random stranger. -  By Guardian_Rose

32. It Looks Good On You

Magnus had never seen Alec drunk before but it was worth waiting for. He's even more adorable when tipsy and talking about odd socks. -  By Guardian_Rose

33. Close Your Eyes And Hold Out Your Hands

For this prompt:

I love stories about Magnus being able to use a Seraph blade because his father is a fallen angel. This way Alec finds out about Magnus's father and Magnus is afraid he will judge him for it. Maybe Jace sees it, too. There are barely any fics in which Jace is actually nice to Magnus :P -  By Guardian_Rose

34. That’s Okay, I Bought Two

Direct continuation from 31 of this series but can be read seperately.

From the prompt:

Confused hungover Alec in the morning be looking at his hand like... "Mags... Mags, wake up, did you propose when I was so drunk I don't even remember?" And they decide that it will be a promise ring because hell, they actually both seem way too enthusiastic about the idea but they really probably shouldn't be so serious after less than a year or so. -  By Guardian_Rose

35. After You

Magnus kept going for a few steps without noticing before having to backtrack; he moved to stand in front of Alec and the shadowhunter wrapped his arms around the other man’s waist, dropping his head onto his shoulder. Raphael, however, stopped immediately and grabbed Simon’s hand, a soft expression on his face that Alec hadn't expected. Magnus hummed curiously at the picture before them.

“What else happened? You’re hiding something, Si.” -  By Guardian_Rose

36. We’ll Figure It Out

Magnus and Alec have an argument the night before Alec leaves for Idris.

---- “Hi.” Alec’s voice came through at last, he sounded as sleep-deprived as Magnus felt. It made him feel a little better but then even worse when he realised how relieved he was that his boyfriend couldn't sleep either.

“You haven’t been sleeping.” Was not what he should have said. Magnus was not off to a good start. -  By Guardian_Rose

37. Can I Kiss You?

Magnus is worried beyond belief when Alec hangs up without an explanation and Alec has to apologise as best he can when he realises. -  By Guardian_Rose

38. I Like Your Laugh

“Alexander, you’ve been washing that mug for almost five minutes. What’s wrong?” Magnus asked quietly, wrapping his arms around Alec’s middle from behind and resting his chin on Alec’s shoulder.

“Do you think they like me?”

“Who, darling?”

“Ragnor and Catarina." -  By Guardian_Rose

39. Don’t Cry

It took all of his conscious energy and will to keep his eyes open, to not let himself drift off into sleep because if he did, the chances of him waking up were beyond slim. Magnus would be there soon. He would. Jace would be able to track him using their bond now that Alec had been thrown back onto land. -  By Guardian_Rose

40. I Made This For You

“I made this for you.”

Magnus stepped away from Alec’s desk and lay down lengthways on the Head of the Institute’s couch, working on keeping his proud smirk from slipping into one of those soft, affectionate smiles that Alec would point out and tease him about, not that Magnus nor Alec minded. -  By Guardian_Rose

41. Go Back To Sleep

“Does it hurt that much?” Magnus asked, not waiting for an answer before sparking up his healing magic and sending wave after wave of warmth and care to soothe Alec’s headache.

“I wanted to pause the show so you didn’t miss any.” Alec said instead of answering. -  By Guardian_Rose

42. Is This Okay?

“You know, most of the time I love that you have an uncanny knowledge of what I’m thinking. But right now isn’t one of them, darling. If you can hold on, I can make one with one hand.”

“Ah right, if Jace or Izzy laughs at you then I will glare over your shoulder.”

“Teamwork at its finest. Aren’t we a power couple, Alexander.”

(Magnus' POV of 39. Don't Cry, as requested by RandomPerson) -  By Guardian_Rose

43. I Picked These For You

“They’re beautiful, Alexander. Though now I’m worried I’ve missed a special occasion.” Magnus lifted his gaze to meet Alec’s, who was relieved to see the bright smile that lit up his boyfriend’s face; the one that always had a hint of surprise from receiving a gift. It was one of Alec’s favourites.

“There isn’t an occasion, I just thought that they were beautiful, like you." -  By Guardian_Rose

44. I’ll Drive You To The Hospital

“There’s been another surge.”

Alec looked up from his desk as Magnus practically fell back against the now closed office door.

“I’m fine, Alexander. It wasn’t here.” Magnus smiled reassuringly at him and Alec let out a sigh of relief as the warlock linked their fingers together. “It was at the hospital." -  By Guardian_Rose

45. What Do You Want To Watch

Something's preying on Magnus' mind and Alec hasn't a clue what it is, not that that's going to stop him from trying to keep them both afloat. -  By Guardian_Rose

46. You Can Go First

There was ichor and blood dripping onto his kitchen floor. Their kitchen floor. Right now, very clearly belonging to both of them as Alec dropped his bow onto the kitchen table. A splitting headache was starting up behind his eyes and he really wished that tonight had been movie night and not patrol night. Sadly, his luck was faltering as of late. -  By Guardian_Rose

47. Did You Get My Letter?

It had been eight days since Magnus had received a letter, through means that Alec was not entirely sure about, and left that evening through a portal with only a promise to be back before their anniversary weekend. A month away. Alec wasn’t entirely sure he was coping with it. Izzy was very sure he wasn’t and Jace had blinked at him for a silent minute when he’d finally admitted that he was taking this whole thing a little harder than he’d realised. -  By Guardian_Rose

48. I’ll Do It For You

Magnus knows that he should stay where he is, that the work he's doing is extremely important and that it could change not just his friends' lives but also his own in monumental ways. But surely he could take a break to check in on whatever was happening at the Institute? For a few minutes?  -  By Guardian_Rose

49. Call Me When You Get Home

Magnus was already awake but had yet to show any signs of trying to leave, he was tracing over the runes on Alec’s back. His fingers warm and sure, but not asking for anything more. He didn’t seem to know that Alec was also awake. When would he next get to see Magnus? Next get to hear his laugh, kiss him until he couldn’t stop smiling like he had the night before, next get a full night’s rest beside him? -  By Guardian_Rose

50. I Think You’re Beautiful

“What’s up is that I’ve called all three of you Lightwoods numerous times, I’ve searched the whole Institute, I checked my apartment and it took calling Raphael to ask if he knew if Simon was with you to finally find out that you left on patrol hours ago! And now, it’s you picking up my boyfriend’s phone not him, so excuse me for wanting to know what’s going on.”

There was a moment of silence wherein Magnus listened to nothing but his own harsh breathing. Jace had moved far enough away so that the club couldn’t even be heard. Magnus dug his fingers into the edge of the desk to stop from doing something stupid like hanging up before he knew where they were when a sudden low whistle made him jump slightly.

“That was impressive, Magnus, didn’t think you had that in you.”

“Then you don’t know me very well.” He snapped. “Where are you? Is Alec okay?”

***

It's Magnus and Alec's anniversary at last, the long awaited day of Magnus' return. But it isn't the happy reunion either of them had longed for. -  By Guardian_Rose

[bytheangell]

it runs in the family

(Read on AO3) (( A/N: I know there’s some debate on how the ‘tapping into one another’s feelings’ works with the parabatai bond, so for the sake of this fic we’re going with: you can totally do it, either consciously or with them just seeping through when they’re strong enough.)) (also TW: coping mechanisms that can definitely be inferred as self-harm)

It isn’t often that Isabelle is the one holding everything together. Jace is the fighter, the first on the field and the last to leave it during every mission. He never shies away from taking a hit to protect her, or Alec, or any of the other Shadowhunters, for that matter. Sure, sometimes he’s a little too brash, but it’s just who he is and she loves him for it. And Alec? Alec is a born leader and her big brother through and through. Even if he wasn’t technically her commanding officer there’s no way he’d let his guard down for even a second if she might be in danger. They both know she’s more than capable in handling herself but that doesn’t stop his older sibling instincts from kicking in the moment she’s in trouble.

It isn’t just in the field, though - they’re there for her for the emotional moments as well. Jace takes her out for comfort food and threatens to beat up any person who ever dares to break her heart, and Alec offers a shoulder to cry on more than once after she finds out about Robert’s affair, or after their mother’s de-runing. Both of them stay by her side (when she allowed them to) during the ugliest moments of her Yin Fen recovery. She has no doubts that they’re both there for her through thick and thin, no matter what.

So when she starts to notice them spiraling - Jace first and Alec close behind - she’s caught off guard. She isn’t used to being the one in the position to help. This might actually be the first time she has enough of her life together to even be able to consider acting as someone else’s support instead of the other way around.

She tries to reach out to them, of course - hoping to start a conversation innocently enough and branch into a more serious discussion. It never works. They deflect, grow defensive, and shut down in true Lightwood fashion. So she falls back for the first few days, hoping they’ll sort themselves out and settle like they always have in the past.

But this is unlike anything they’ve faced before, and they don’t settle. In fact, things only go from bad to worse.

After just a few days she can’t continue to stay silent. She offers help, insists they lean on her. They won’t have it. They won’t talk to her, doubtless trying to protect her, but that doesn’t mean she can’t see the way they both change after the night of the explosion. They’re both irritable and hiding in their work;Jace is out on patrol more hours than not.  Every time she sees Jace his eyes lose a little more light, a little more life. He volunteers for the most dangerous missions and his actions become reckless. Alec hides it better, at least, but the unrest and guilt he feels through their parabatai bond weighs on him... and that’s on top of the guilt he feels over Magnus’ loss of magic. He tries to be strong for Jace’s sake, for Magnus’, and for her own, but Isabelle can see him cracking at the edges and wonders how long it’ll be until he breaks.

It’s less than a week before Jace snaps. She sees the broken mirror in the bathroom, shards of glass littering the floor, and follows the trail the drops of blood leading out of the room make though she already knows where they’ll end. Unsurprisingly she finds herself standing outside Jace’s room, and opens the door without knocking. It looks like a hurricane tore through it. Anything on a shelf or a tabletop is now on the floor. Chairs sit askew, some knocked over entirely, and there’s a mark on the wall with the same tell-tale drying crimson that brings her here.

“Oh, Jace.” She says softly, the name escaping her lips in a painful sigh. She shuts the door again and retreats, asking him later about his bandaged hand.

“Hit the punching bag a little too hard,” he shrugs, shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket.

“Jace-” she starts to argue. He can’t keep lying to her like this, he needs to let her in.

“Drop it.”

There’s a dangerous edge to his voice, one she isn’t sure she’s ever heard directed at her before.

It silences her immediately and she turns away before she says something she’ll regret.

She’s walking by the training room when the sound of somebody actually hitting the punching bag a little too hard draws her attention. Spotting Alec in the room isn’t surprising; seeing him in jeans instead of workout clothes (the button-down shirt he was wearing earlier tossed to the side), however,  is definitely unusual. He obviously didn’t plan on ending up here. The next thing that catches her off-guard is the way he’s beating the bag - because he isn’t just training, he’s attacking it, sending it swinging every which way with a force more akin to rage than his usual frustration. His breathing is heavy and Isabelle can’t quite tell if the moisture on his face is only sweat or tears, too.

“Alec?” She tries hesitantly from the doorway. He doesn’t even register her presence, letting out a noise that’s as much a scream as it is a cry while his hits intensify; even from a distance Isabelle can see his knuckles split.  “Alec! ALEC!” Before she knows what she’s doing she’s crossing the room, grabbing her brother by the shoulder to pull him away from the punching bag.

Alec, startled by the sudden touch in the heat of the moment he’s lost in, spins toward her with the swing of a fist she narrowly dodges, the arm falling to his side when he sees her and stares with confusion.

“Alec what the hell ,” Izzy gasps, eyes wide.

“You should know better than to sneak up on someone like that,” he huffs, like this is her fault somehow.

“I was yelling your name.” She points out, eyes dropping to his hands. “Let me see that,” she demands, pulling out her stele.

“It’s fine. I deal with it later.”

“Alec, what’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing. I’m fine, just drop it.” He snaps, eyes narrowing, and Izzy’s struck with a moment of dejavu.

“You too? You sound like Jace.” No sooner do the words leave her mouth does Isabelle pause. “Alec, you’re not--”

“It’s fine,” he repeats for a third time, but he isn’t talking about his hand this time. “I’m just keeping tabs on him. It isn’t like I can keep half of it out anyway.”

She knows what he’s doing now - why he’s down here with a fury she isn’t used to seeing in this brother. “Tapping into the bond while he’s like this isn’t good for you, Alec.” She knows he means well. He wants to make sure Jace is alright, and if he isn’t, Alec wants to know exactly how not alright he is. But that doesn’t mean he can shoulder the pain they’re both feeling at the same time, especially not if this reaction is any proof.

“I’ve got it under control, Izzy.” He sighs. “I wish I could say the same for Jace. I’m worried about him. I know he’s done stupid things before, but I’m really worried this time.”

“Yeah,” she agrees, looking at him with dark eyes full of concern. “I know the feeling.”

---

When Jace volunteers himself for a high-risk mission Izzy isn’t surprised to find Alec agreeing to go right behind him. Jace glares, vaguely aware he’s being babysat, but Alec pretends not to notice when he makes some off-handed comment about taking the reins on anything involving the escaped convicts. Of course Izzy knows better, and with just a moment’s pause for consideration she’s rounding out the patrol by throwing her own name onto the roster.

“What?” She asks with an innocent shrug. “I’ve been spending too much time in the Weapons room. Don’t want to get rusty, do I?”

She doesn’t know what to expect with the three of them out on the field together but no amount of imagining could prepare her for what goes down. Jace, running out ahead without a plan, nearly getting himself killed in his recklessness. Alec thinking quick to step in and save the situation but not quick enough to stop Jace from getting hurt. She made the mistake of thinking they could hold it together when it mattered, when lives were at stake. She was wrong.

And so Isabelle, despite her best intentions, now stands helpless at a distance before she’s able to step in to take control and finish the job. She listens as Jace yells at her and walks away, not even trying to hear reason.

She wants to help him, but instead she feels herself losing him more and more with every step away from her he takes... and she can’t think of a single thing she can do to stop it.

---

Isabelle has a little extra work to do for her end of the report after Jace’s actions in the field, but once it’s done she’s eager to hand it off to Alec and be done for the day. She stops by Alec’s office, only giving one short knock before making her way inside like she normally does.

“Hey Alec, I finished up the forensi--” she starts, already holding out the paperwork she came to drop off in her hands when she notices the way Alec brings both hands immediately up to his face and turns away from her.

“Hey Iz,” he manages, and though she can hear him fighting to keep his tone even there’s a crack he doesn’t manage to control.

“Alec what’s wrong?” She asks, already knowing the answer.

“Is that the report? Here, I’ll take it,” he swings around in his chair, eyes red and face lightly flushed, but to his credit he manages an almost convincing neutral expression.

“Alec,” she repeats with pleading eyes, holding the papers away from him now so he can’t reach them. The report can wait.  

“It’s just… you saw him out there, Iz. It’s so overwhelming all the time, it just never stops. The guilt, the anger, the frustration… he can’t keep going on like this.”

“And neither can you.” She doesn’t just mean the parabatai bond either, and the pointed look she gives him makes that very clear. “Clary isn’t your fault as much as it isn’t his. Magnus either. You can’t keep carrying the weight for both of you.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Alec mutters.

“No, it isn’t. None of this is easy for me. I’m watching the two of you lose control more and more each day and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. I might not be bound to you but I’m still your sister and I can’t keep watching my brothers self-destruct at arm’s length, it isn’t fair!”

Alec falls very quiet after her outburst and for a moment or two Izzy is positive she said the wrong thing and that he’s about to kick her out and never speak to her again. Maybe it’s selfish of her, but she refuses to allow herself to fall into the same pit as Alec and Jace - she wants to help them, but she won’t allow them to drag her down into silent denial with them in the process.

“You’re right.”

“Of course I am.” She allows the briefest flicker of a smile before her phone is in her hand, dialing a number and bringing it up to her ear. “Alec’s office, now.” She hangs up before the person on the other end can argue and a few minutes later Jace is standing in the doorway, hesitating at the sight of them.

“Emergency Lightwood Sibling meeting. Shut the door.”

They might not want to let her help them but she’s beyond giving them the option. She’s been going about this all wrong - they didn’t need her to stand by and be supportive, to try and talk and offer condolences and reassurances. They didn’t need her to be there waiting for whenever they decide to come around and talk to her. What they need - and what she fully intends to give them - is a reality check.

“I know I’m your kid sister, but I’m not some fragile little girl. I’m your equal. Both of you . And you need to start talking to me and letting me help before this gets out of control and someone dies out there. Again . What happened with Lilith is neither of your faults, but if this keeps up and something else happens, this time it will be on you.”

Isabelle knows the words are harsh but she also knows that Alec takes his ability to lead very seriously, as does Jace. Even though she almost can’t bring herself to say them, once the words are out and she sees the way Jace diverts his gaze towards the floor and Alec shifts away from her in his chair it’s clear that they have the desired effect.

“And if you aren't going to talk to me, at least talk to someone, because neither of you can keep going on like this. Look at you.”

She looks pointedly between Jace and Alec, her gaze dropping down to Alec’s newly re-bandaged hands. Jace’s eyes narrow at the telltale site of it knowing, as it always is with Alec, that anything he doesn’t immediately fix with an iratze is intentional. “I thought you stopped that,” Jace says quietly.

Alec glances down at the scarring cuts still healing on Jace's own hands, left over from the other day’s outburst. “I didn't think you would start.”

It dawns on Jace what Alec is talking about and he looks close to tears, mirroring the state Isabelle found Alec in minutes before.

“I'm sorry. You shouldn't have… I shouldn't have let it get bad enough for you to feel, I didn't realize…” As if for the first time, Jace seems to be thinking of how his actions are affecting more than just him and Izzy knows she’s finally getting through. This is the push they needed, to pull themselves together not for their own sakes, but for each other’s.

“See? This is what happens when we push each other away. We’re supposed to be a team. No, screw that, we’re a family . Neither of you have to deal with all of this alone. Let. Me. Help. You.”  

Alec and Jace mumble something and Izzy crosses her arms over her chest, eyebrow raised. “What was that?” “Okay.” “Fine.”

Come the slightly louder replies, and she allows herself the briefest flicker of a smile at her victory. It doesn’t last long, knowing the circumstances that made it necessary.

“I’m going to call mom and see if she wants to have us all over for dinner tonight like she’s been talking about all week. No cases. No patrols. No paperwork. One night to unwind and recharge. Deal?”

She can’t help but sound a little too eager as she makes the suggestion because it’s as much for her as it is for them. She needs this. She misses her brothers, her mother, her family . Not a day has gone by since the explosion that she didn’t consider how easily she could’ve lost any one of them and it’s a thought that keeps her up at night. Who knows how many more chances they’ll have to be together like this? She always knew it was part of the job… they all did. But it’s never felt as real as it does now.

If they can sense the desperation in her tone they’re kind enough not to mention it.

“That sounds really nice, actually.” Jace is the first to agree. And then, after a pause, adds, “Thanks, Izzy.”

“It does, she’ll really like that.” Alec agrees. “Thanks.”

Neither of them have to say that it isn’t the idea of dinner they’re taking her for.

“You’re welcome.”

It isn’t going to be easy, and it isn’t going to be quick, but they’re going to make it through this. Maybe a little worse for wear, but when aren’t they these days? So long as they stick together they can handle whatever the world - Shadow or otherwise - throws at them.

Starting tomorrow.  

[ralfstrashcan]

Possible Origins of Magnus's Warlock Mark Insecurities

I've read it countless times in fics that Magnus is super insecure about his cat eyes. After some prodding he will admit that it's because other people (most likely past lovers) have told him they are ugly and/or because he himself thinks they are ugly. Don't get me wrong, I have a soft spot for that trope because it always ends with Alec saying cute romantic loving things to Magnus and Magnus deserves all the cute romantic loving things, but....... I've always found it hard to believe. Here's why.

First off, I think it's important to point out that in the books (as far as I know) Magnus never uses a glamor and has his cat eyes on display all the time. So why the glamor on the show and in the movie? Possibly for the intended dramatic effect whenever he reveals them or (what I personally think more likely) to save some CGI-budget for demons and explosions and stuff. Either way, the outcome is the same: Magnus covers his cat eyes with a glamor most of the time and reveals them only on a few special occasions. From now I'll focus on Show!Magnus because I know the show way better than the movie and I want to characterize Show!Magnus. Some observations may be true for Movie!Magnus too, but he's not the point in this.

1) Magnus is not only a downworlder but also a person of color, so I think it's safe to say he has faced his fair share of discrimination from people of the Shadow World (I'm looking at you, shadowhunters) and the Mundane World alike over the course of his long life. And he really doesn't seem to be the kind of person to be fazed by that. He's the kind of person to stand up for himself, to laugh a narrow-minded racist in the face and beat them at their own game. So I don't find it too convincing that someone telling him something negative about his cat eyes would upset him too much. Of course it's different from being discriminated against for his warlock-dom or his poc-dom because while there are fellow warlocks and fellow people of color there is no one with the same eyes as him, so being insulted for something that's part of him as an individual and that nobody else has is far more personal. It stings. A lot. But still. I can't really see other people's opinions about his eyes influencing his own opinion to that extent when he's used to tuning out insults and the like.

2) It seems kind of dumb, but why would anybody tell him his warlock mark is ugly? I mean, if an enemy insulted it, Magnus wouldn't even take it seriously. So the insult must come from someone close to Magnus for it to even possibly have any impact.

Okay, so which one of Magnus's friends could insult his warlock mark?

--- Warlocks: I can't really imagine a fellow warlock friend insulting his warlock mark, because, seriously. Who does that.

--- Other downworlders: I also find it unlikely that a fellow downworlder friend would do it. Downworlders share a history of being oppressed by shadowhunters (openly before the Accords, more subtle after the Accords, but if I remember correctly the Accords are like 200 years old? That would only be half (or quarter or whatever) of Magnus's life) and that creates common ground. Some sense of companionship. Sure, vampires and werewolves still hate each other, but we were looking at Magnus's friends. I find it hard to believe that any downworlder would insult the mark of a warlock friend.

--- Mundanes: It's a little hazy on the show if/how mundanes know about the Shadow World, there are some scenes in 2B that imply a few mundanes at least hang out with vampires, to feed and stuff? So they probably also know about all the other downworlders? Even though I thought the Clave was very insistent on mundanes not being in the know, then again who cares what the Clave wants? The downworlders certainly don't. Anyway, assuming Magnus really does interact with mundanes on a friendly basis (probably selling them potions and stuff) and reveals his warlock mark to them... I still find it unlikely that they would call it ugly since a) he'd likely only show it to a mundane he has some trust in and b) if the mundane wants something from him like a potion they would be pretty stupid to insult him. I could be persuaded that they are afraid of it. But being afraid and being disgusted is not the same thing, so there's that, and also I think a mundane happily meddling in the Shadow World should have better nerves than to freak out over some harmless cat eyes.

--- Ex-lovers: If an (ex-)lover really told Magnus that his eyes are ugly and he should keep them covered because they're disgusting, well, that sounds to me like extreme insensitivity at best, emotional abuse at worst. Also I think a person that says something like this doesn't act kind and gentle in every other aspect of their life, but is probably really rude and insensitive half the time anyway. Meaning after that relationship ends Magnus would, with time, see that that opinion shouldn't influence him because it came from a bad place and he wouldn't attach much importance to hurtful things that person might have said about his eyes. (.........yes I'm basically talking about Camille here lol.)

And of course there is that whole thing that I don't understand what anybody could find ugly about his cat eyes because, let's face it, they're sexy as hell!!!

............ugh, I'm man enough do admit that this really is no rational argument </3

Okay, but what now? If nobody close to Magnus really has a reason to insult him or Magnus has no reason to take a received insult seriously? It's kinda undeniable that Magnus has some kind of issue with his eyes, right? Just remember that bit in 2x18 that was actually from 2x07 during the infamous First Time Scene, where Magnus didn't even want to face Alec after his glamor dropped. And of course he described it as 'losing control' so he admitted to deliberately hiding his cat eyes.

Then there's this whole issue with Valentine and Magnus swapping bodies. Even though Valentine claimed he didn't have any control over Magnus's magic at the beginning, the glamor stayed up. Okay, that's probably because if Magnus had suddenly started walking around without his glamor after the failed summoning everyone would have been suspicious in two seconds flat, but just because there's a Plot Reason for something doesn't mean it can be ignored.

To me, it means that the glamor Magnus uses on his eyes is not something he actively maintains, but something that is firmly in place and that he needs to actively remove if he wants it gone.

How does that really fit together with Magnus saying he 'lost control' which made the glamor slip, implying he has to sustain the glamor? I don't know. Maybe he meant it in that way that his magic went haywire (= he lost control) and it dislodged the glamor... or maybe the show just contradicts itself in this, insinuating things in both directions. Which.... wouldn't be all that surprising, honestly.

One way or another, the fact remains that Magnus doesn't want his eyes on display all the time. To get behind a potential reason for Magnus's issues, look at this:

On what occasions does Magnus intentionally let his glamor fall?

1x01 Flashback: Answering the door (for Jocelyn, a shadowhunter) 1x01 Flashback: Performing the spell to take Clary's memories 1x01 Threatening a Circle member at the Pandemonium 1x04 During a fight with a Circle member at his loft 2x01 Practicing magic on the balcony (though he hides them as soon as Alec approaches, long before turning around) [Not counting 2x07 while macking with Alec because that wasn't intentional.] 2x08 Showing them to Max* 2x10 Showing them to Madzie [Not counting 3x02 because Magnus says his magic was useless and so his glamor disappeared unintentionally.] 3x08 During the Connection-to-visit-Jace's-Subconsciousness-Spell

*Taking a look at Magnus revealing his eyes to Max

it's obvious how uncomfortable he is: His smile disappears and he clenches his teeth. (Gif Source: pinterest.de/pin/556405728951646689)

So, besides revealing his eyes for the sole purpose of showing them to someone we have two situations:

i) While practicing magic. To be honest I'm not too sure if he really does that intentionally then or if it's just a byproduct of using his magic, but there's no way to know that. It is noteworthy though that he often practices (very poweful) magic without dropping his glamor, so him dropping the glamor doesn't seem to correlate with the severety of the spell he's casting. For example his glamor stays up while summoning a memory demon (1x04) and even a greater demon (2x11) or when fighting both Iris (2x08) and Lorenzo (3x09). I find it hard to believe that all these tasks were easier than a simple memory spell (1x01) or the dream-connection-thingy (3x08), so I think it’s reasonably justified to claim that he does it intentionally then. Coincidentally, those are occasions where shadowhunters (Jocelyn / the Lightwoods) are present while he performs the magic, but it is also noteworthy that in these instances his eyes aren't directed at a person but focused on the task at hand.

ii) During a fight with shadowhunters. I think it's pretty obvious that Magnus uses his cat eyes then as a means of intimidation, as a threat, a warning sign for others that he is dangerous. Not to be underestimated. Deadly.

Why? There are two possible explanations:

a) Because they are his warlock mark, highlighting the fact that he is a warlock with magic and he can kick ass with his magic. → It's not the eyes themselves, they act as a symbol for his warlock-dom.

or b) Because his eyes by themselves are a frightening sight. → It's the eyes themselves.

Either way Magnus himself thinks his eyes represent – directly or indirectly – danger and should be feared.

Why is that?

Well. You mostly believe something to be dangerous when you either know that it holds a certain destructive power or you know from experience that it has caused damage in the past. Since the cat eyes themselves hold no power I think it's safe to go with option two: Magnus has experienced the extreme and grave damage his eyes can do to someone. They were the reason, the trigger for his mother to kill herself. The reason his childhood found a violent and rather traumatic end, the reason he became an orphan and lost everything he had known up to this point.

In my opinion Magnus associates his eyes and what they mean to him with this event, because it was the first reaction, the imminent fallout of his eyes revealing themselves. That's why he thinks they are a means to strike fear in the hearts of his enemies and that is why he covers them, because they are a constant reminder of what happened to his mother. I don't think he himself finds them pretty or ugly, they are a part of him like everything else, but they are the part of him that broke his family and that's why he can't stand the sight of them.

Edit: Now, after 3A aired (since I wrote this whole thing before that) there is another, pretty straightforward explanation: They are the one thing he has in common with Asmodeus and they are a constant reminder of their time together which, on his own admission, made his skin crawl. To him, they are a symbol of his weakest moment, when he trusted the wrong person easily and let himself be shaped into something cruel and twisted. Those memories are shameful, and his eyes are evidence that once upon a time his wish to not be alone anymore and to mean something to someone managed to outweight his conscience. His eyes are living proof of the darkness within him, a darkness that would make him do unspeakable things, and so they represent the deadly force that is his power if he unleashed it.

In my personal head canon, when Alec inevitably says something cute romantic loving about Magnus's eyes, it doesn't magically heal his issues with them. But I think it soothes a part of Magnus, the knowledge that something that is so terrible for one person can be something beautiful for another, and with time I think he can accept that his eyes themselves are nothing inherently destructive and bad. I believe he would let himself be coaxed to lower is glamor occasionally, if Alec asks; but I don't think that he'd ever walk around casually without a glamor, not even at home when he's alone with (or without) Alec. That is a little sad, but I don't think you have to erase every issue you have in your life to be able to be truly happy.

[faejilly]

five hearts broken, one put back together

(oh look it’s sad!fic! And then it’s happy fic. Because I am a sap, and I cannot stand to make Magnus sad. Shadowhunters: s03e01 On Infernal Ground ficlet thing. Because I like to know what they’re thinking, because that is my jam. Because being a Shadowhunter sucks. Because being in love makes it better. Eventually. Except when it doesn’t.)

clary 

This should be a happy day.

Jace is alive.

She’s getting her rune, she’s really a Shadowhunter, not just some stupid lost mundane whose mother kept secrets, whose father... 

Whose father is dead.

Valentine is dead.

She killed him.

She killed her own father.

His blood, so hot against my hands, my blood, my hands, my father. 

She’s found a home again, a family. She saved them, she killed Simon, she saved him, she saved him, she chose them over her father, she chose them, they chose her, Izzy and Alec and Magnus. It was right to choose them over her father, she’d choose them again and again if she had to, not him, never him. I am nothing like him. Her wish was nothing like his. She was saving Jace, it wasn’t just for her, it wasn’t selfish, not like Valentine, not like her father.

He was never really her father, not like Luke.

Luke isn’t here.

Her new family wouldn’t let him come.

Not that she’d even tried to ask.

What if she’d asked, and they asked her... something? Anything. All it would take was one question, just one, one thing too many.

What if she told the truth?

Why can’t she tell the truth?

Why won’t they stop asking? She gave up so much for them, for this, her life, her dreams, her friends, Dot, the father she’d thought she’d had, the brother she hadn’t, her mother. 

She can’t think about her mother, she can’t cry here, not now, not in front of all these people, this family she doesn’t even know.

Why isn’t it enough, why won’t it ever be enough?

They’re alive. Simon and Luke and all the Downworld.

Valentine is dead.

It’s enough.

It has to be enough.

luke

He knows he can’t let his partner into the Downworld. It never ends well.

Look at Simon.

He hopes Simon is all right, hopes Maia believed him when he said it was probably just his music, wished he believed it was just Simon’s music. Wished he was doing something about that, rather than trying to convince this poor woman she’s crazy, even though he knows she’s not.

It makes him feel queasy, the back of his throat cool and slick and bitter.

He keeps reaching for his phone to call Jocelyn, to ask her for her help, to tell her how hard it is, to ask her to meet him for dinner so he can hold her hand and she can rest her head against his shoulder and he can stroke her hair until he’s strong enough to keep doing this.

So he can tell her he’s sorry, he’s starting to understand all her secrets all those years. What else can you do, when the truth is just going to hurt someone again?

What else can he do now? What else can he do without her?

Even if she was still alive he wouldn’t be able to call her. She’d be in Idris, with Clary.

Where he can’t go.

He can’t be there for Clary, has failed to be there for her, keeps failing her, even though she’s his daughter in all the ways that ought to count, and none of the ways that really do, not in Idris.

I’m sorry.

He’s not sure who he most needs to say that to, Jocelyn or Clary or Simon or Maia or Ollie.

He keeps failing them all.

Sorry isn’t good enough.

It’s all he’s got.

alec

There’s a woman he doesn’t know leaving the loft. 

A mundane?

Alec ducks into Magnus’ workspace, he rearranged again, and wow he looks good, and he didn’t say hello?

He’s just busy. With clients, apparently.

Too busy for a welcome home kiss.

Alec knows he’s being ridiculous.

Isn’t he?

Only Magnus’ smiles are too sharp and he’s not the High Warlock anymore and he’s elated and he’s moving too fast and he’s talking about money and he’s so happy about Alec’s “promotion” and Alec tries, he tries, but it’s like he’s watching from a mile and a year away, like he’s wrapped in cotton, too tight to breathe, too thick to move, and Magnus is burning away, away, and there’s nothing he can do to reach out, no way to hold, no way to get past the sparks and touch him.

jace 

He shouldn’t be here.

He shouldn’t be here, but he can’t tell anyone that. Can’t, cannot, he loves them too much to make them bear this, too much to destroy them, too much, not enough, he’s never enough. It’s like his chest is hollow, no heart left, no human heart, no angel blood, just a strange echoing darkness.

He always knew there was darkness in him, and now. Now there’s nothing else left.

How dare she do this to him.

How can he be mad at her? He’s such a monster, and she saved him, she doesn’t regret it, she should regret it, he should have stopped her, she’s saved him over and over, he loves her, he loves her so much it’s hard to think, to sleep, so much he wakes up every morning afraid, what if, what if. What if?

She shouldn’t love me, look what she’s done, look what I turned her into, look what she did to me.

It’s almost a relief when Sebastian--when the real Jonathan Christopher’s voice fills his thoughts and drowns out his own tired voice, their blood burning and hatred so bright in their eyes. He’s an easier monster to live with. He never had a choice, after all, demon blood and exiled to Hell and twisted by Valentine. Jace had a choice, had so many choices. How does he always make the wrong one? Why can’t he get it right, just once, just long enough to save his family?

He has to save them. Has to save them from himself. Has to save them before it’s too late.

isabelle 

Clary’s lying to her. Jace is lying to her. They’re lying to everyone and the answer is obvious but she can’t let herself think it, can’t let herself, can’t let anyone think it.

Alec is fighting with Jace again, and she can hear the fear under the anger, fear so strong it drowns the joy that they’re all still alive, fear so much deeper and stronger than the thin bit of rage he’s letting out. He’s so afraid for Jace, for their brother, for his future, for everyone’s future.

But not for her.

No one’s ever afraid for her, and she wants a hit, wants it so badly it’s hard to think, hard to focus on what’s in front of her, it burns between her bones and down her throat and she yells at them to shut up hoping it’ll stop the ache between each breath and they don’t care that she’s fighting her cravings and she can’t distract herself with a piece of fucking candy because the mundane piece of crap vending machine won’t take her money and give her chocolate.

Kicking it was completely reasonable and rational.

Fuck.

Fuck. 

She’s fine. Everything’s fine. Everything’s going to be fine. 

magnus 

All he’d wanted, after Lorenzo, after the Warlocks, after losing...

All he’d wanted was Alec, his Alexander, but when Alec came back, when he’d had the chance, he hadn’t, he couldn’t, he’d--. He was being an idiot, he knew that, but he couldn’t seem to stop.

He couldn’t ruin Alec’s life just because his own was such a mess.

He had to let Alec do what was right for him, not make him do what Magnus wanted just because Magnus was what, sad?

He’d get over it.

It wasn’t a big deal.

Why then did he have to keep reminding himself not to stare, not to say, not to ask...

How was it possible that a man who clearly just wore whatever shirt and jeans he pulled out of some sort of basic Nephilim stock room could always look so damnably good in them? It was making it very difficult to remember what he was supposed to say, difficult to remember whatever it was he thought he was doing, what he was hiding, what Alec wasn’t supposed to know.

But Alec knew. How did he know? Who had known to tell him... 

Catarina.

Alec knew, and he looked up across the pool table with those eyes and that stupid grey shirt and Magnus couldn’t make himself stop anymore.

I don’t want you to go.

For a breath Alec was so stiff, almost angry, and Magnus remembered what he’d decided, what he’d planned, now that it was too late. Shit. But then of course he had it backwards, how did he keep getting it backwards? He’d almost broken both their hearts again because he thought he had to make a choice between what he wanted and what he needed. 

Magnus considered the idea that he ought to be embarrassed by that, but Alec was smiling and nothing could be wrong with a world that led to that smile. Nothing wrong with a world that led to Alexander kissing him.

Thank you, Catarina.

[ace-dameron]

For those that walk the Earth for eternity, paths are bound to cross. It had been centuries, two or two and a half, not that he kept an active tally. And still, seeing her dredged up some painful memories, some disdain, but he shrugged it off. He was beyond the pettiness she evoked in him for years, beyond the heartache and misery she had caused.

A sickeningly sweet smile found her lips as soon as her eyes landed on him. Her bitterness apparently receded over him turning her over to the Clave once upon a time. He still wasn’t clear on the details of her release, but Camille freely roamed the Earth once more. She kept a lower profile, barely blipping any radars; however, he doubted she could ever be truly reformed. Her ‘good behavior’ was a mere extension for her desire to remain free from the Clave’s clutches, no doubt.

“Magnus, you’ve been avoiding me.” She moved in closer, like a snake sizing up its prey.

“With good reason.” His stance remained rigid, his expression neutral, not allowing her the opportunity to strike.

“Let bygones be bygones. I hurt you, you hurt me. But for better or worse, we’re a constant in one another’s lives, the only constant.” She grazed his upper arm with her finely manicured nails, a seductive look ever-present.

Magnus shook his head, amusement clear on his face, “There are many constants in my life, Camille, you aren’t one of them.”

Her lips curled into a snarl, eyes narrowing just so, “How can you possibly still be in love with that Shadowhunter? It’s been centuries.”

A fond smile captured his lips as his guards came down in the slightest bit. “True love never dies.” He took a step back, placing a fair distance between the two of them. “You’ve never understood love like I do, never wanted it as I do. And in all this time, you haven’t changed a bit. Still trying to worm your way into a place where you have since been uninvited.” Magnus’ left hand moved to rest over his heart, his wedding band on full display. His heart belonged to another and always would.

“Alexander is and always will be my future. Our love only grows. It doesn’t diminish; not that I would ever expect you to understand.” He shrugged nonchalantly, as his face regained the indifference he regarded her with most of the conversation. Magnus turned and opened a portal.

“One day, you’ll wake up and realize what a mistake you’ve made, Magnus.”

“I sincerely doubt that, but if hell ever happens to freeze over, you’ll be the first to know.” He walked through the portal, leaving her behind.

The loft was dark and quiet when he returned, unsurprisingly. Alec had an early morning and it was well after midnight now. With a flourish of his hands, he readied himself for bed, unwilling to delay it by going about things the mundane way. Magnus crawled into bed, settling into the pillows when an arm snaked around him, tugging him close. He grinned at the sleepy smile on Alec’s lips, the way he looked soft as if he could drift off again at any moment.

“Sorry if I woke you.” Magnus murmured before gently kissing Alec’s awaiting lips.

“Be mad if you didn’t.” Alec mumbled, his eyes still closed. “Didn’t get to see you today.”

“You still aren’t seeing me with your eyes closed.”

Alec made an amused noise as he cracked open an eye, “Semantics.”

Magnus chuckled as he tangled his legs up with Alec’s, feeling an innate desire to be close to him. “I saw Camille tonight.”

The name soured Alec’s expression. “That’s never a good start to any conversation. What did she do?”

“Nothing but reaffirm what a miserable, loveless person she is.”

Alec pulled him closer until both of their heads rested on the same pillow.

“Not feeling any spark of jealousy, are you?” Magnus teased at Alec’s display of clinginess.

Alec gave him a look, “We’ve been together for over two centuries now. I love you and you love me. It’s fact and everyone who has ever heard of us knows it.”

“You’ve morphed into quite the romantic.” Magnus brushed his lips against Alec’s before resting his head on his chest. He listened to his steady beating heart, grateful for the magic that enabled this moment, all these years later.

“I love you, Alexander.”

“I love you too.”

other immortal husband fics can be found here and here.

for @stupidnephilimlove. thanks for listening to my malec related tangents daily.

[theonetruenorth]

Yours is the light

This fic reads a little bit differently. It doesn’t have a lot of dialogue and some parts of it may seem packed with information. That’s because it started as an ‘extended headcanon post’ sort of thing and then got away from me (and by now this shouldn't surprise anyone who knows me).

It’s my take on the ‘alpha/beta/omega’ universe. But I decided to give it a twist and take some of the A/B/O stereotypes and turn them on their collective heads.

In other words, this is actually as different from the A/B/O trope as I could make it and still get away with calling is an A/B/O fic.

Beta-read by RomanceShipper

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

yours is the light by which my spirit’s born: yours is the darkness of my soul’s return you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars

― E.E. Cummings

The first time Alec questioned his status was when he was ten years old.

Up until that point, he never even had a reason to think about secondary genders and what the consequences of being an alpha, beta, or omega were. He was just a kid. He had no use for the adult stuff when there were so many other more important and interesting things to learn, things like runes and archery and the history of Nephilim.

Then the whole debacle with Preston happened. He thought that everyone would be happy with him for adapting, and finally finding a way to beat the boy at kendo practice, despite Preston being nearly two years older than him. He listened to his mother’s advice and went against his training. Preston’s nose cracked under his shinai as a result.

Preston himself didn’t react badly - other than being embarrassed that the younger kid, whom he used to beat regularly, suddenly managed to kick his ass instead - but oh, Preston’s mother went ballistic. Alec remembered how she shouted at Maryse. She insisted that Alec should be put in his place like ‘the filthy little omega he reeked of’ and that he should be punished for insubordination and hurting her alpha son.

Alec also remembered how Maryse growled at the other woman. There was some vicious exchange of words that he couldn’t hear before Preston’s mother all but ran from the training room with the metaphorical tail between her legs.

Later that evening, when Alec was done cleaning all the weapons in the Institute, as a part of his punishment for going against Hodge’s training (a job he didn’t really mind that much), he asked Maryse about what Preston’s mother had said. Maryse sat him down on his bed and explained to him how the secondary genders worked. She told him about alphas and their dominant personalities. About betas and their hard work and neutrality that helped to keep society balanced.

And she told him about omegas. How they were incredibly rare, especially among boys. How they could carry children if they wanted and how every alpha would be lucky to have them as a partner. She told him that omegas were smart and had sharp, tactical minds, and were born leaders. She told him that nearly every great figure in the history of mankind was a confirmed omega. Alexander the Great or Julius Caesar or Napoleon Bonaparte, to name a few.

Alec didn’t understand why Preston’s mother was so upset with him and in turn, Maryse explained pheromones. How Alec already smelled slightly of omega and that he would probably present soon. Preston’s mother was the type of person who was envious of the gifts that omegas were blessed with.

“There will be people in your life who will treat you like you’re worth less than them, just because of your status,” she told him. “But there will be just as many people who will cherish you for what you are.”

Maryse told Alec, again and again, that what he did with his life was his choice and his alone. He didn’t have to put up with anyone who didn’t respect him if he didn’t want to. The world would be his for the taking. As long as he was dutiful to the Clave and the nephilim’s sacred mission, he could be anyone he wanted to be. The Head of the Institute. The Inquisitor. The Consul. No one would be able to stop him if he truly wished to become a great leader.

Alec could still remember the genuinely proud look in Maryse’s eyes when he presented as an omega a little over a year later.

The life of an omega wasn’t any different than the life of an alpha or a beta.

Ever since presenting, Alec was prescribed heat-blocking shots, just like the alphas. Since he presented so early, he wasn’t allowed to go through a heat until he was fourteen. Only then did the doctor’s at the Institute switch him over to the regular blockers that lasted about six months, allowing a heat to happen twice a year to keep his body healthy.

Heats were a nuisance for Alec. He had to isolate himself from all alphas - except for his parents - and Izzy, who was a beta. Alec always spent his heats away in their house in Alicante for two long, uncomfortable days during which his temperature spiked and he felt like his entire body was itching. Thankfully, as long as there were no alphas around to trigger him further, that was pretty much it. There were no inconvenient erections, no rush of hormones that made him impossibly horny (no more than was normal for a teenager, anyway), and no spontaneous leaking; that particular thought left him mortified. No, all of those things would happen only with a compatible alpha, and Alec had never shared a heat with anyone.

He even had to stay away from Jace, who presented as an alpha just a year after him. He couldn’t risk it. Jace was his brother in every way but blood, but apparently it was the blood that made the difference. His feelings for Jace made everything worse since he was sure that his parabatai would trigger his heat so fast it would make his head spin.

It wasn’t exactly a secret that out of all three secondary genders, it was the alphas who were the strongest, the most aggressive, the most territorial. It was well-known.

It was also completely wrong.

Because of the rarity of omegas, people believed that they were either submissive or neutral, like betas. Not many people were educated on how dangerous a threatened omega could be. Those that were educated?

Their knowledge often came from a personal experience.

The group of boys who cornered Alec in an isolated part of the Institute had the brilliant idea of putting the resident omega on his knees, to see if he would ‘get wet for them like the bitch that he was’. There were five of them. Alec had just hit a growth spurt not so long ago, but he was still only sixteen and they were all older and bigger than him. He didn’t have any weapons on him and was severely outnumbered.

Alec didn’t know he would need weapons in his own home. He had not experienced this kind of behavior before, this kind of degradation and aggression, aimed at him just because of his status as an omega. Polite disinterest was the worst thing that ever happened, not that he minded. It was better than the curious, interested looks he had been receiving for the past couple of months. Izzy had joked about it. She told Alec that it was because he was turning from an ‘awkward turtle into a beautiful swan’, whatever the hell that meant. Alec always rolled his eyes at her, but maybe even that joke had some truth to it. Was that why he was getting harassed now?

It didn’t matter.

The corner of Alec’s lip twitched in an imitation of a smirk, all sharp teeth and disdain. He was not going to give them what they wanted.

When other shadowhunters came running moments later, alarmed by the sounds of fighting, Alec had a broken rib and a black eye, but the five guys were on the ground either unconscious or moaning in pain, all of them looking far worse than Alec. One of them was missing half of his right ear. When Maryse arrived at the scene, Alec greeted her with a red-tinted grin. The blood running down his lips and chin was not his own.

Calming an omega down from a feral episode was not easy, but Maryse was the only alpha Alec yielded to. She coaxed him out of the corner, where he stood to ensure no one attacked his vulnerable back. She led him to the infirmary, where she held an ice pack to his ribs and drew a fresh iratze on his skin.

“I’m so incredibly proud of you, my sweet boy,” Maryse whispered into his hair as he hid his face in the crook of her neck, taking shallow breaths and fighting against the pain that came as the adrenaline rush ebbed away. The red haze of the anger-fight-survive instincts that clouded his mind was receding, chased away by his mother’s tender words and the familiar scent of her perfume. “I’m so proud of how well you fought and how you protected yourself.”

Alec never saw those boys again. He was sure Maryse put the fear of the Angel in them and made them transfer away from New York as soon as they could walk again.

As a general rule, Alec tended to be wary whenever an alpha warlock showed even a little bit of interest in him.

It was a given fact that warlocks were infertile, but what many didn’t realize is that it wasn’t completely true. It wasn’t common, but a male alpha warlock could father a child with an omega female or male, but only of different species, like a Seelie or a werewolf.

Or a Nephilim.

Alec wasn’t aware of this fact until he ran point on a mission to capture and arrest Iris Rouse, a notorious dark magic user. She managed to flee before they got to her, but she escaped in a hurry, leaving her experiments behind.

Her hideout was a thing of nightmares.

Rooms were filled with brainwashed omegas - Seelies, wolves, and even mundanes - some of them in late stages of pregnancy. The entire building reeked of dark magic, misery, and pain. As soon as Alec entered those blasted rooms, he knew that none of the omegas were there of their own free will.

At first, Alec didn’t understand how it was possible. Omegas who went through extreme trauma - physical or emotional - couldn’t conceive. Fertility during heats required a deep emotional bond between partners, and that sure as hell couldn’t happen in that horrific breeding house.

Later, much later, Izzy came to him with lab results. Through the combination of magic, potions, and drugs Iris managed to brainwash her victims into a state similar to heat and even imitated a bond between mated pairs, making sure that the omega’s body didn’t fight the unwanted pregnancy.

She had been kidnapping omegas for months. She had been renting them out like broodmares to alpha warlocks and demons, to create more warlocks. She had done all of this under his nose, in his city. Alec made a promise to himself, and to the rescued omegas and their unborn children, that he would find Iris Rouse and make her pay.

When Clary Fray entered their lives - along with her beta friend, Simon - she brought chaos with her to an extent that he really did not appreciate. She refused to play by the rules. She did whatever the hell she wanted and somehow seemed to pull everyone into her quest to find her mother.

Jace became enamored with her almost immediately, which only added insult to injury. Clary was an alpha, just like Jace, but that didn’t mean much. These days it didn’t matter what your secondary gender was, you could date whoever you wanted. Heck, even his parents were an alpha pair, which wasn’t something that would have happened forty or fifty years ago.

Clary didn’t know how to act around omegas. Alec very much enjoyed putting her in her place after the first time she tried to order and intimidate him, under the utterly foolish impression that he would yield to her.

Alec had never yielded to anyone but his mother in his entire life. Even the Clave officials have never seen a submission from him, only polite manners and professionalism that he used with everyone.

But then...then Clary led them to Magnus Bane.

All the silly romance movies Izzy had made him watch could not have prepared him for the lightning that struck when he saw Magnus clearly for the first time, after fighting those Circle members together.

He felt numb and buzzed with restless energy at the same time, as if he had an electric current pulsing underneath his skin. The apartment smelled of battle and blood and magic, but beneath that Alec could detect other, subtler scents. Something wild and primal that he couldn’t describe. It smelled like the air after a thunderstorm, like ozone and wet dirt. Like cedar and rosemary and woodsmoke, all wrapped up in one alluring package.

“I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced,” Magnus said to him, and Alec forgot how to breathe. He could only stare at the most gorgeous man - an alpha - he had seen in his life. He barely managed to choke out his own name. He was torn between the desperate need to stay, to keep the warlock in his sight, and the need to run away and hide in the embarrassed of his own incoherent mumbling.

But of course, everything went to shit quickly when he screwed up during the summoning of the memory demon. Magnus tried to comfort him afterward, saying that he had nothing to be ashamed of. His voice was low and it sent a shiver down Alec’s spine. He could still remember the jolt of energy that jumped between their hands as they’d touched for the first time, just moments before. Alec could still feel it buzzing underneath his skin, like a phantom caress of invisible fingers. From the look Magnus was giving him, Alec was sure the alpha felt it too.

He agreed to go out on a date.

Alec still didn’t know what possessed him to say yes. Maybe it was the way Magnus trembled in his arms while Alec held him up and shared his strength as he healed Luke. Maybe it was the vulnerable look Magnus gave him afterward. Or maybe it was the fact that Magnus had seen him as an equal, someone worthy of asking for help.

Alec didn’t understand it. Never in his life had he felt this kind of attraction to anyone, ever. It was like some stupid, primal part of him woke up and reared its head every time Magnus appeared in his sights. Like the part that made him an omega suddenly longed for an alpha like it never did before.

He didn’t like it.

He wasn’t ashamed of being an omega, no matter how some people resented him for his secondary gender. But he didn’t like to feel as if he was missing something. He didn’t like to feel incomplete without an alpha to fill that empty space inside of him.

And yet, whenever he was near Magnus or heard his voice, his heart resonated with such intense longing that it made his breath catch.

So Alec did the only thing he knew he could do. He talked to his mother.

He didn’t tell her that it was a warlock who caused such a strong reaction in him. He wasn’t stupid, he knew what his mother thought of Downworlders. He told her about the conflicting feelings, about the sudden yearning he couldn’t explain. He wasn’t afraid of telling her that the alpha who made him feel that way was a man. Thankfully, the gender of your mate wasn’t an issue when you were an omega capable of carrying children either way.

“Oh, Alec,��� Maryse sighed as she raised her hand and touched his cheek gently as they sat together on the couch in her office, “it sounds to me like you found your mate.”

And wasn’t that a terrifying prospect.

“Just like that? I don’t even know him. I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with him?”

Which wasn’t entirely true, Alec knew. There was no such thing as fated pairs, even though the romance flicks liked to overuse the trope. Each person had many possibilities of mates they could meet at any point in their lives. Furthermore, all relationships required work and patience, not just fate. Finding a possible mate did not mean that Alec had to tie himself to them indefinitely. People fall in and out of love all the time, and mating did not have to mean life-long commitment. Mating bonds could be broken and forged anew with different people at any given time.

“You’re not supposed to do anything but find out if he’s your match,” Maryse told him fiercely. “No one can force you to do anything you don’t want to do. This is your life, Alec, and only you can decide what makes you happy.”

And so he did.

They went on dates.

Alec was apprehensive at first. Magnus was an alpha warlock, and that always lit up a warning light in him due to the Iris Rouse case, which was still open. What could Magnus - beautiful, powerful Magnus - want with a plain, boring shadowhunter like himself? The fact that he was an omega had to play some important part in all of this. The fact that he could carry children for a warlock had to mean something.

And yet, during the dates they went on he couldn’t help but find himself falling more and more for Magnus. The alpha was a perfect gentleman, not pushing him any further than he was comfortable with, and always careful of not invading Alec’s personal space.

“I lived in times where an omega was considered property of an alpha,” Magnus told him one evening, “and I think it was one of the darkest parts of history. If I ever start acting like a caveman, feel free to shoot me full of arrows.”

It was a little over a month of dating - that no one except for Izzy and Jace knew about - that he kissed Magnus for the first time.

They were saying goodbye after a date night, which started at a Greek restaurant and ended with drinks at Magnus’ place. Magnus was just about to open a portal that would take Alec back to the Institute when Alec gently grasped his elbow, backed Magnus against a wall and kissed him. It was not fast and sudden. No, he had given Magnus enough time to stop him, but the warlock merely tilted his head up into the kiss.

It was Alec’s first kiss. It started out a little hesitantly, a little clumsily, and very much without finesse, but what he lacked in experience he made up in enthusiasm. His body was crowding Magnus’ against the wall, which the alpha didn’t mind much, at first. Then he pulled Alec close by circling his waist, bit gently at Alec’s lower lip and took over the kiss, dominating it completely and utterly. Alec all but melted against him and the empty, burning void inside of him started aching a little less.

Alec chose to spend his next heat in Alicante once more, not ready to share a heat with Magnus when they still had not even seen each other naked. It was rougher than usual, if only because his mind kept circling back to Magnus over and over again, making him more aroused than he was comfortable with. He was insanely grateful that heats spent in isolation lasted only two days.

He hoped that by the time his next heat came, in another six months, he would be ready to share it with Magnus.

“A warlock, Alec? Really?!”

His mother’s voice was loud and somewhat shrill, the disbelief ringing clear across every word. It grated on his nerves, made his hackles rise and buzz underneath his skin like an itch he could not scratch.

Lately, everything he did was met with some kind of disapproval, but he didn’t have time for this. Hodge had betrayed them. Jace was missing and still in Valentine’s grasp. And, while his parents played politics in Idris, trying to smooth things out with the Clave, Alec had been desperately trying to get his parabatai back.

Then, of course, things had to get worse. Maryse came back to New York two days prior and someone had already reported to her that Alec and Magnus had been dating for months. How they found out, Alec had no idea. Although, it was bound to be revealed sooner or later, especially since Alec did not intend to let Magnus go anytime soon.

“You know how alpha warlocks are,” Maryse hissed, venom dripping from her words, “they only want one thing from omegas like you! You can give them something they otherwise can’t have and I can’t believe you would fall for Bane’s deception. You’re going to drag the Lightwood name through the mud for him?”

“There isn’t a lot of good reputation to our name left, Mother, and that is your fault, not mine,” Alec spat out, trying to keep his anger reigned in, feeling it rise inside of him, wave after dangerous wave. “I don’t have the time for this. Jace is still gone, Aldertree is making our work more difficult than it should be, and I don’t have to justify myself to you.”

“I didn’t raise you to be some warlocks whore!” Maryse grabbed his shoulder when he turned around to leave and that was it, the fragile control he had over his own emotions snapped at the sound of her authoritative tone.

“ENOUGH!” Alec growled at her as he spun around and grabbed her by the wrist, yanking the offending hand away from his shoulder. She took an instinctive step back and, through the red haze of fury, Alec noticed how her eyes went wide, how a brief expression of fear flashed through her face. It brought him grim sense of satisfaction, knowing she didn’t expect his outburst. Alec wasn’t prone to anger often and never, ever, had he turned that anger on her.

Not until now.

“You once told me that no one has the right to tell me how to live my life,” Alec hissed, his tone low and husky, and with a hint of steel underneath his words. “That no one can tell me how to achieve my own happiness, or who I should tie myself to, as long as it was my choice. Well, this is my choice and you don’t get to have a say in it. I will not allow you to talk about Magnus that way. Not now, not ever. If he’s a mistake - which I highly doubt - he will be my mistake. You don’t have the right to interfere. You are my mother, but you’re not my alpha. Not anymore. Do I make myself clear?”

Alec watched her process this, her face turning more pale. When she didn’t reply, he squeezed her wrist a little more. She was probably going to have bruises. Alec would feel guilty about them later, but at this very point he could not bring himself to care.

“I said, is that clear?”

“Yes,” she finally said and he released her, but to her credit she didn’t move away, didn’t step back away from him. “Oh, Alec…”

She reached out to him, both hands raising to his face and he resisted the urge to flinch. He wasn’t sure what she was playing at, but he wasn’t about to yield to her. He wasn’t lying when he said she was not his alpha anymore. There was only one he would yield to now, and that was not his mother.

Maryse cradled his face between her hands, gently and cautiously, her eyes softening a little as she took in the hardened expression on his face. The narrowed eyes shining with suspicion, and anger boiling inside of him, ready to burn her. He was still and unmoving and towering over her, ready to snap at any further provocation. Alec was half-feral and in protective mode. And an angered or threatened omega was dangerous.

But he was still her son, and she was the one responsible for putting him in this state.

“Magnus is the one you told me about,” Maryse said, sudden understanding in her voice. She was running her thumbs soothingly down Alec’s sharp cheekbones, hoping that the familiar gesture would help calm him down. “Easy now, easy. I didn’t mean to make you so angry.” Her soft whispers eased some of the tension from Alec’s shoulders, just like they always did when she brought him down from the adrenaline rush that triggered feral episodes. “I’m so sorry, my sweet boy. I didn’t understand. I know now that he’s your mate.”

Alec closed his eyes and shivered, thinking about Magnus. His loving eyes and soothing scent and reverent touch. He had never put a label on their relationship, but his mother was not wrong. The intense, painful longing he felt whenever they were apart, the elation that filled him to the brim whenever he was near the older man, when he could breathe in his scent, touch his warm skin. It all sounded like an incomplete bond.

And Magnus...

Magnus was his mate.

Alec turned his head to nuzzle deeper into the pillow and desperately tried to forget about the disaster of an evening they’d just had. Max’s party had been a failure due to the spell that was cast over all of them. Because of Alec’s overwhelming guilt over Jocelyn's death, elevated by the spell, he’d nearly thrown himself over Magnus’ balcony. He didn’t do it, but it was close. The only thing that stopped him, seconds before it was too late, was the faint, barely-there scent he caught in Magnus’ apartment.

The memory of it was stuck in his head. His mind snapped out of the spell’s hold as soon as he caught trace of it. It was a scent he could never forget. A bizarre mix of tulips, ginger root, and dust. He would forever associate this scent with the stench of terror and pain and suffering.

He ran through the apartment trying to locate the source. His frantic behavior must have been enough to alarm the others. Magnus tried to get his attention, to calm him down, but it wasn’t working. Alec seemed to be focused only on his task, hell-bent on finding the threat and eliminating it.

How dare she? How could she come into this apartment, into their territory, and hide away like a coward? Just the faintest trace of her scent was enough to make Alec’s hackles rise and his skin crawl. This time she was not going to get away from him.

He found her in Magnus’ bedroom, disguised in the form of a cat. Alec rushed at her, but she shifted into human form just in time to cast a spell that pushed him back.

Iris Rouse.

What happened afterward, Alec wasn’t sure. He couldn’t remember most of it. He’d been immobilized with magic for half of the fight and then blinded with rage for the rest of it. He knew that Magnus fought Iris and trapped her in his own spell. He knew that Jace had to hold Alec down to keep him away from tearing into Iris with his bare hands. He would have. He would have choked the life out of her there on the spot if he only had a chance. But now she was in Idris, awaiting the Clave’s judgment.

And he was here, in Magnus’ bed hiding his face in a soft pillow, trying to muffle the world around him. He wasn’t running high on adrenaline anymore, but his body hadn’t gotten the memo. Every muscle in his body was tense and he was ready to fight, even though his brain already knew there was nothing more to be done.

He didn’t flinch when he felt the bed dip next to him. Then Magnus was there, lying down next to Alec, his arm coming around Alec’s shoulders to hold him close.

“She’s gone, Alec. You can rest now.”

Alec made a wounded, angry sound and abandoned his pillow, choosing to hide his face away in the crook of Magnus’ neck instead. The warlock’s scent there was strong, easing his mind a little, filling his lungs as he took in shaky breaths.

“The things she did to those omegas,” Alec rasped out, trying desperately not to think back to the horrors of Iris’ experiments and failing. Every time he closed his eyes he could see Iris’ victims. He couldn’t stop his mind from going in circles and wondering what stroke of luck had spared him from the same fate, from being bound and broken and violated in a way you couldn’t ever recover from, not really. As a male omega, he would have been an attractive target for Iris, if she only knew of his existence. “I could have killed her. I will kill her if I ever see her again.”

“She’s going to pay for what she’s done,” Magnus whispered as he ran his fingers through Alec’s black hair in an attempt to calm him down. Alec’s scent filled the air between them. It was sour, unhappy, and that put Magnus on edge as well. “And you are the one who figured out she was here in the first place. You caught an intruder in my lair.” Magnus paused for a moment. “In our lair. You did good, love.”

Their lair. That sounded… nice. A space that they could share as one territory, theirs to protect. To nest in. It was something that usually only happened between mated pairs and Alec couldn’t help the warm, happy feeling that bloomed deep in his chest.

They took their relationship to the next level not long after that since Alec didn’t want his first time to happen in the middle of his heat. He didn’t want the rush of hormones and haze of lust to cloud the experience.

And oh, it was definitely an experience. Alec grew up thinking he would always be alone since he never showed interest in any alpha, but this? This was something else. Magnus worshipped his body, taught him the wonders of shared intimacy that were just on the razor edge of being overwhelming.

Alec let himself fall, knowing that Magnus would be there to catch him.

“Your mother and I always had a complicated relationship.”

Alec snorted in disbelief, not lifting his eye from the tablet in his hand as he scanned over the latest report from the previous night’s patrol. The group had not encountered anything out of the ordinary, which gave Alec hope that things might finally be leveling out, even just a little bit. Valentine was in custody and most of his followers were scattered. The Clave had acknowledged his leadership in the battle, thankfully disregarding Alec's rebellion against Aldertree.

Everything led up to this moment. Discovering Izzy’s addiction. Taking back control of the Institute. The battle. Confronting Valentine and his shadowhunters. And now the Clave had named him Head of the Institute. This was what he had been aiming for ever since he was a child.

“It’s not complicated.” Alec put down the tablet after signing off on the report, sending it to be archived. He finally looked up at his father, sitting on one of the sofas in his office. His office. It still blew his mind. “You cheated on her.”

“I made a mistake,” Robert said, looking down for a moment before shifting his gaze to Alec once more. “I never meant to hurt you, any of you. But I fell in love. You of all people should know what that’s like.”

“Magnus isn’t an affair!” Alec growled, slamming an open palm down on the desk, the sudden loud thump making Robert twitch in response. “I won’t allow you to disrespect him. He is my mate. And mom was yours. Until you decided to throw it all away.”

They were silent for a minute. Alec closed his eyes and took deep breaths, trying to control his feelings. Ever since realizing what Magnus meant to him, his emotions were all over the place. Logically, he knew it was a period of adjustment that he needed to get through. The fierce protectiveness over his mate would ease away in time, but until then he was ready to go to war for Magnus, even against his own father.

“I can understand falling for someone else,” Alec finally said. “People fall in and out of love all the time. That’s just how life is. You don’t have to stay with your mate for the rest of your days.” He looked at his father and saw the tiniest flicker of hope in his eyes, a hope for reconciliation.

He was about to crush that hope, hard, and didn’t feel any remorse.

“But going behind Mom’s back, continuing your affair? That’s what I can’t forgive. You should have ended things with Mom before you started seeing someone else. But now you’re not being truthful to either of them. You’re just another alpha being led around by his knot.”

“Alec!” Robert’s expression turned angry and he stood up from his seat, his entire body one tense line. “I won’t allow you to talk to me like that!”

“Why?” Alec asked, raising an eyebrow. “Because I am an omega? So is your mistress, remember?”

“Because you’re my son! You will show me some respect.”

“Respect is earned, Dad.” Alec hissed, narrowing his eyes. He remained seated behind his desk, anger churning inside of him freely, but it was the icy-cold kind of fury that washed over him with a false sense of tranquility. He did not need to shout or get angry to get his point across. “It’s also as easily lost, and you lost all respect I had for you when you chose to hurt your family. Mom was your mate for over twenty years - she deserved more than being cheated on and made into the new hot gossip of Idris.”

“Alec, you don’t have the right to--”

“I have every right,” Alec interrupted him, his voice low and dangerous. Robert’s eyes widened when he realized that he was stepping on thin ice now. “Out of the two of you, it was Mom who was my alpha. It was never you. She was my alpha and you broke her heart.”

Alec had hurt people for less.

“Unless it’s official business, we have nothing more to talk about.” Alec picked up his previously discarded tablet and turned it on. “Not until you fix your own mess. Now, I have the Institute to run. I trust you can let yourself out.”

“Alec…” Robert’s voice was quiet and defeated now, but Alec wasn’t looking at him any more.

“You can go,” Alec said and sighed with relief when Robert left his office without a word.

“Are you nervous?”

Magnus’ breath washed over the heated skin of his forehead and Alec closed his eyes as he shivered, half in anticipation and half in fear.

“Yes,” he finally admitted, his voice shaky, “I’m not sure what’s going to happen.”

Which wasn’t entirely true. Alec had academic knowledge of how heats should go, he wasn’t going into it blind. He knew that his heat would last from two to four days, during which his temperature would spike and, if a compatible alpha was near, he would experience a heightened state of arousal. Not enough to make his crazy with it (no matter how online porn liked to pretend that omegas in heat turned into knot-obsessed slaves that alphas could do anything with) but enough to make things very uncomfortable if he didn’t have sex. His pheromones would, in turn, trigger an alpha into a rut so that they could go through their heats together.

It all sounded very… clinical. Alec wasn’t sure how he felt about the aspects of his biology that only happened during heats. He wasn’t looking forward to experiencing the feeling of producing his own slick or having Magnus knot him - something he was pretty sure was going to hurt, at least at first.

He tried to approach it like a battle for which he could plan ahead. He scheduled himself a week off work, just in case this first heat went for longer than usual, which wasn’t uncommon. He left his siblings in charge and threatened them with bodily harm if they disturbed them for any reason, save for the apocalypse dropping on their heads or Raziel himself demanding his attention.

He also made sure his contraceptive shot was still active since he had no intention of having a child anytime soon. Alec had been wary of admitting this to Magnus, but the warlock only smiled, told Alec that it was his decision and he had all the time in the world to wait and see if he changed his mind one day.

So, all in all, Alec felt like he was ready.

Despite all this knowledge, despite all the facts he had researched and learned about, nothing could have prepared him for actually feeling the effects of the heat. The hot rush of pure want that filled him as they laid on the bed together touching and kissing, the need building up like an inferno, making Alec’s skin feel like it was on fire. The fabric of his clothes seemed like a branding iron, scalding and hurting, and he whined in the back of his throat at the uncomfortable feeling.

“You don’t need to be scared,” Magnus said, kissing Alec in between sentences. Pressing small, brief kisses over his lips, the bridge of his nose, his closed eyelids. “I’ll take care of you.”

“I know,” Alec panted, squirming a little until he could reach to strip off his shirt and then yanked Magnus’ own tunic off his body, relishing in the way cool air hit his overheated skin, “I trust you.”

That was what this was. For over a decade, he'd spent his heats alone, in isolation from the outside world. Now he had finally found someone who he trusted with his life, with his body. Someone who would stay with him when he was the most vulnerable.

“Magnus,” Alec whispered as the warlock shifted them around until Alec ended up on his back, Magnus nestled in between his legs. They were both hard. Alec shivered.

“How do you feel?” Magnus asked, pressing their foreheads together. One of his hands settled over Alec’s sternum, feeling his heart beating wildly inside of his chest like a bird caught in a cage.

“Hot,” Alec panted. “Too hot. Is it… is it always like this?”

“Yes, but it will get better. It’s just the first rush. It will ease soon.” Magnus kissed him again slowly, possessively, owning Alec’s mouth and Alec surrendered with the sweetest sigh.

“Can you feel it?” Alec asked after a moment, gripping onto Magnus’ hair with trembling fingers as the warlock mouthed at his neck, covering it in his marks. “The bond?”

Magnus made an affirmative noise and Alec closed his eyes, focusing on the feeling. The beginning of a bond thrumming between them. He had felt it for the last couple of months, but it would only be complete with a shared heat. Alec was more than ready to take the leap, to tie himself to this wonderful, brilliant man who turned out to be his shining star, his beacon towards which he had been gravitating his entire life.

Alec allowed himself to fall apart, trusting Magnus to put him back together. To gather all his broken pieces and make him whole again, until Alec felt brand new and loved and complete.

[officialmaleclibrary]

This month we’re showcasing an author in the fandom who has written popular works such as Fall Without Wings and Celebrity!Magnus AU. Lu is on ao3 as vulturemonem and on tumblr as @notcrypticbutcoy, and we’d like to thank her once again for taking part in the OML author showcase! 

1) When did you start writing fics? Tell us a little of your journey as a fic writer.

WELL. The first fandom I was ever a part of was the HP fandom, a solid 7+ years ago now, and I found my feet in this tiny little niche part of it in the most obscure place. That was where I began, where I learnt about what fanfiction was, and it was honestly a journey from there. I’ve been part of some very questionable fandoms and writing communities (if you want the details you’ll have to hit me up lol). I found the TMI fandom in maybe 2012? It was right before the CoB film came out, and I’d been totally obsessed with the books, because there were actual LGBT+ characters??? Like what?? (Alec and Magnus were the first gay/bi characters I’d ever seen in a YA book. I was enamoured immediately. Forgive me.) And then the show came out, and was everything I’d hoped for and so much more, and the rest is history, as they say! 

2) What fic of yours are you most proud of and why?

The obvious answer here is to say Fall Without Wings, which has been more successful than I could ever have hoped for. I’ve put my heart and soul into that fic, and seeing other people loving it honestly means the world to me. The other fic I’d say I’m really proud of is the fic I wrote for Malec Week 2016, Day 3: AU Settings Day. You know when you sit down and write, and everything just spurts out and you read over it and you’re like, damn, did I actually write this?  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ That fic in a nutshell. I don’t know where it came from.

3) Who is your favorite character to write and why? Which character do you find the most challenging to write? 

Magnus and Alec are definitely my favourite characters to write, but for entirely conflicting reasons. Alec, because I relate to Alec on pretty much every level, and so I find him very easy to write, and it comes naturally, most of the time. And Magnus because he’s also, to answer the second part of the question, such a challenging character to get right. He’s centuries old, there are a million facets to his character, and there are so many things to consider when writing him. He’s experienced more than I could possibly imagine. He’s also in my top 5 favourite characters in anything, ever, so I’m especially driven to do him justice! 

Having said that, though, I think the hardest characters to write are those we’ve got less source material for, because I’m never totally sure whether I’ve got their characterisation right. Also, Clary, because she frequently frustrates me in canon, so I often find myself writing her a little differently in my fics. (Admittedly, she’s annoyed me less as the show has gone on. I have high hopes for season 3!)

4) What is the hardest part about being a fic author? The easiest?

Honestly, I think there are lots of hard things about being a fic author. One of the hardest things imo isn’t unique to fic writing, but is probably true of writing in general. When you put everything into writing something that you care about, it can be really hard to see it get torn down by hate comments - even just a couple. Consciously, you know that people who come into your inbox on anon spouting bullshit are just cowards, and that you shouldn’t take their words to heart, but sometimes people manage to hit you where it hurts. Some hate comments are just plain hilarious, but some of them can run around in your mind for a while.

The other hard thing is staring at your WIP wondering why the hell you can’t just write this damn thing already.

The easiest thing is definitely generating ideas! I get far too many to ever write! It’s hard to finish a fic, and it’s hard to stick to an update schedule, but it’s much too easy to come up with the ideas! 

5) What inspires you? Where do you find your muse?

Literally everything and anything. Songs are often a big inspiration to me, or random little things I see on TV, or chatting to other people in fandoms about headcanons or such. And even just life anecdotes. 

I’m a bit of a biology nerd, so I always think it’s really interesting to read about where creativity actually comes from. There’s science behind why I always get my best ideas in the shower or walking to the tube station on my morning commute – Google “brain idling” and have a read, if you’re interested! 

6) Do you write original content as well as fic? 

Absolutely! I haven’t shared any of it online, but I do, yes. Recently, I’ve had my free time slashed in half, so I’ve had to prioritise a little, but I do still write original things when I get the opportunity. At some point, when the time feels right and I’m satisfied with what I’ve written, I’d love to get something published, but I’m not in a hurry at the moment. My life needs to settle down a little bit first, but watch this space ;)

7) Do you have a favorite fic from another author?

Several!

- and my heart is set on you by ohprongs is definitely a tick-all-the-boxes fic for me, and is impossibly sweet with just the right amount of light angst dotted in - Traveler by bumblebeeskness is absolutely heartbreaking and hilarious in places and overall so beautiful it’ll make you cry - Set Me In Motion by lemonoclefox is another great one, with a perfect mix of angst and fluff, as well as some great tension, pining, and some brilliant cooking anecdotes - Also anything by Lecrit – yes please!!

8) What’s something you’re looking forward to in the upcoming season of Shadowhunters?

We’ve had hints that we might get to see some domestic malec, so that, of course! I’m also totally here for the Garrobane development we got last season, so more of that would be wonderful. And Sizzy?? If this Simon/Izzy slow burn is going to continue, sign me up. I think Em and Alberto are doing a great job with their relationship! (Although I am surprisingly conflicted, because I’ve enjoyed Simon/Maia more than I expected to, considering I was fairly apathetic to their relationship pre-show…)

9) Can you give us a sneak peek to what you’re writing next? Or at least any hints to what’s to come?

I’m currently continuing Fall Without Wings as my main project, and I go back to dabble in my celeb!Magnus&cop!Alec AU now and then. Once I’ve finished FWW, I’ve got a super-secret (I’m kidding) multi-chap WIP that I started and have abandoned, so I’m hoping to finish that. I’ve also got two multi-chap AUs planned as full-time projects to start after FWW is done. (See, ideas?? Too many!!)

10) Do you have advice for anyone who might be interested in writing fan fiction?

Honestly, just go for it. If you want to start writing in the hope of someday getting published, fanfic is a great place to start. If you want to write fanfic just because, then there’s nothing stopping you! There are two things I always recommend to people who want to write, in any way, and that’s 1) read as much and as widely as you possibly can, and 2) practise until your fingers fall off! (Not literally, but you know what I mean!)

11) Do you prefer to write in AU verse or canon verse? Why?

I’ve got to be honest, I prefer AU verses, both writing and reading. There’s much more freedom in an AU. You don’t get people in the comments picking apart little details you’ve changed, and you don’t have stupid plot lines/silly world rules you didn’t like in canon that you’re supposed to take note of. I find there’s more fun to be had in a good AU. Even if you’re just tweaking things a little bit here and there to change the backstory, I prefer it to writing in strict canon.

[katwriting]

Fic: A little unsteady

My contribution for day 1 of #malecappreciationweek: A little throwback to 2x08, where Alec tells Magnus that Robert cheated on Maryse. Altogether some hurt/comfort and Malec fluff.  Hope you like it :)

Word count: 2043 | Read it on AO3

Hold on, hold on to me. Cause I’m a little unsteady, a little unsteady.

- X Ambassadors

When Maryse and Max left after the rune ceremony, Alec did too. He ignored the sad look of his parabatai and, even worse, the confused voice of his sister asking him where he was headed this early in the morning, and just stormed out of the institute.

In his rush to get away from everything, he almost forgot to activate his invisibility rune. He only remembered to do so when he realized the weirded-out looks of the mundanes on the sidewalks were because of him. He couldn’t blame them – mundanes had never been known as particularly courageous and it was probably a normal thing to them that they would find a 6”3’ guy dressed to impress and covered in what they thought were tattoos, storming through Brooklyn at 9am on a Saturday.  

Alec couldn’t care less about them. He slowed down a bit and ducked into an alley, pulled out his stele and activated the rune, then continued his way, albeit a bit slower.

It was a beautiful morning in New York – the sun was out and it was already really warm, a slight breeze of wind ruffling through Alec’s hair every now and then. But Alec hardly even recognized that, for all he could focus on was the storm raging through his body and the hurt and disappointment that grew stronger with every step.

Not that Alec was new to feeling this way – he had already had to deal with a fair share of disappointments in his life, from his parents never being quite satisfied with him over struggling with the realization that he was gay up to having a crush on Jace and having to accept that his feelings were not reciprocated. They had all hurt, some more than others and they all had taken Alec a while to get over. But never, not even once, had he been this furious about something.

Alec scoffed when he remembered how irritated he had been upon learning that their father would not attend Max’s ceremony. Looking back, it had probably been for the best anyways – if he ran into Robert right now, he would not be able to guarantee for anything. The mere thought of Robert betraying Maryse and everything the two of them had worked for their entire lives, just like that, made him want to punch his own father in the face. Alec may not always have the best relationship with his mother, but she definitely didn’t deserve this. And neither did Izzy, Jace, Max or him.

He felt a lump in his throat when he thought of the consequences that this revelation would undoubtedly have. Shadowhunters didn’t hold up a lot of values, but family was one of them, if not the most important one. Especially to himself. Before he’d met Magnus, his siblings had been the only people he could truly be himself around. They had understood him when no one did and had always been there for them. Being the oldest of the Lightwood siblings, he had sworn himself to always protect the three of them, no matter what. His parents had always taught him to watch out for his younger siblings, to make sure nothing ever happened to them if he could avoid it. Because family was the most important thing to shadowhunters.

Robert had known that. He had freaking told him that hundreds of times over the years. And yet he had decided to trample on those rules and to crush all of their family values under his feet until there was nothing left. Like they weren’t worth anything to him.

And because of that, nothing would ever be the same again.

Alec clenched his teeth together and blinked rapidly as he tried to hold back the tears that he felt prickling up in his eyes. They were tears of anger and tears of disappointment. He shook his head, trying to get those toxic thoughts out of his head, trying to ignore the hurt he felt spreading through his body and mind just as long so he could get to Magnus’s apartment. He quickly checked if there were cars coming, then crossed the street and continued his strides towards a certain glamoured apartment in Brooklyn Heights, towards the one and only person he wanted to see right now.

+++

Magnus was making breakfast when Alec entered the apartment. The warlock was still in his pajamas, dark gray sweatpants low on his hips and a worn-out blue t-shirt that was a bit too big for him (and seemed oddly familiar to Alec) hanging from his shoulders. His face was still free of makeup and his hair was a mess in the most positive way, free of product and lose strands all over the place, some of them falling loosely into his face. Magnus was standing by the stove, flipping pancakes and softly humming along to the old jazz tunes that were playing in the background.

Alec usually loved seeing Magnus so unguarded. Actually, this relaxed, carefree side of Magnus was his favorite one, partly because he was the only one who got to see it. Today, however, he barely managed to croak out a greeting before he felt his throat go tight and his eyes start burning all over again.

Magnus chuckled when he turned around to where Alec was leaning in the kitchen doorway. “Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes this early in the – “, he started, but paused immediately when his gaze met Alec’s. Magnus’s smile vanished at the sight of Alec’s pained expression and his humored features turned into something much more serious. He stepped closer to Alec and took his hand, looking up at him with eyes full of worry. “What’s wrong, Alexander?”

Alec tried to swallow past the lump in his throat, but failed miserably in doing so. Seeing Magnus so worried made everything feel so much more real. Magnus’s apartment was his safe haven, the one place where he could leave everything that was bothering him at the front door and ignore it for as long as he pleased – but he figured that this was not a thing that you could just ignore. Not if your name was Alec Lightwood and family was everything to you.

“My dad’s been cheating on my mom”, he croaked. And with that, he finally gave in to the sadness and hurt that had been bubbling up inside him ever since his mother told him.

Alec let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes to hide the tears he could no longer hold back. He felt Magnus’s arms wrap around his shoulders and let himself be pulled into a soothing embrace. He put his own arms around the warlock’s waist and buried his face in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck when he felt the tears start to run over his face. “And the worst thing is”, he said in a thick voice, “she’s still going back to him. I mean, that guy’s cheated on her and she’s still forgiving him? What the hell’s that supposed to mean, I mean my dad just ruined our family and now –“ Alec’s voice broke and he let out a few sobs against the warlock’s shoulder.

Magnus felt his heart clench at seeing Alec so miserable. He knew that family was the most important thing to his boyfriend, that his siblings and parents were something he would always protect. Now having a member of his very own family disturbing that from the inside must be the worst for the shadowhunter.

Not that Magnus could relate, he’d never had something even similar to how close Alec was with his siblings, but he tried nonetheless.

He shifted the hand that had been resting around Alec’s waist up to the back of his neck and gently stroked the soft skin there with his fingers as his boyfriend let it all out, the hurt and disappointment draining out of him combined with low sniffs every now and then. Magnus held Alec tight through all of it, even though it was killing him to feel Alec’s shoulders shaking with every sob. He didn’t say much, just let Alec vent his feelings tried to signal without words that he was here, that he would always be here, whatever problem or tragedy Alec might have to deal with in his life.  

After a while, Alec calmed down, although Magnus could tell with a single look at his face that there was still a lot more to it than just that first wave of sadness. He gently led Alec over to the kitchen island and had him sit down on one of the bar stools. Magnus himself stood in front of him, hands on Alec’s arms, a worried look on his face.

“You okay?”, he asked tentatively and immediately felt like slapping himself across the face for that question. “I mean, obviously you’re not okay, but…for now?”

Alec let out a wet laugh. “Yeah…I’ll be fine. It just makes me so goddamn angry. Not only this, but also that they left Max in the middle of it. He’s only twelve, he doesn’t deserve to be in the middle of their relationship drama. Why didn’t they just send him to New York? He could have completed his training just as well at the Institute and-“ Alec paused, obviously lost in thought and then smiled. “It’s not like he could have been any more of a pain in the ass for his instructors if he’d changed locations.”

Magnus laughed. “Well he certainly is a handful, your brother. But I’m sure your parents had their reasons for keeping him in Idris. Maybe they just wanted to protect you and Isabelle and Jace, since Valentine is on the loose and everything…”

“Yeah”, Alec scoffed, “protecting us by getting our little brother a front row seat to their relationship drama. Great idea.”

Magnus and Alec exchanged a long look and then the shadowhunter sighed and ran a hand through his hair, effectively ruining his attempt at taming it earlier in the morning. “I’m sorry for storming in here and dumping all of this on you. That’s not fair.”

Magnus stepped closer to Alec so he could wrap his arms around his waist and then smiled at the shadowhunter. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I told you to talk to me when things get crazy, remember? Also, I’m your boyfriend. It’s my job to listen to you when you feel like ranting about how terrible your day at work was.”

That last sentence finally made Alec laugh and Magnus felt relief waving through his chest. “Also”, he teased as he brushed the back of his hand over Alec’s cheek, “you’re adorable when you’re in that all-protective older brother mode”

Alec pulled a sulky face at that sentence. “I’m not. I’m a shadowhunter. We’re not adorable”, he grumbled, but his eyes clearly told a different story.

Magnus raised an eyebrow at Alec, mocking him. “If you say so”, he said nonchalantly and back around to his stove. “Now, my big, terrifying shadowhunter boyfriend – how about some breakfast? I take it between getting ready for Max’s ceremony and storming off towards my apartment you didn’t have time to eat?” He stopped when he felt Alec’s hand close around his arm and slowly turned back to him, looking at him expectantly.

“Breakfast sounds great”, Alec muttered as he pulled Magnus closer to him, letting his hands rest on Magnus’ hips. “Just one more thing.” He let his hands wander to Magnus’ hips and dipped his head lower so he could capture’ Magnus’ lips in an impossibly sweet kiss.

When they broke apart, Alec let his lips travel up Magnus’ jaw. When he spoke again, his lips were brushing against Magnus’ ear and his voice was barely audible. “I didn’t get to properly say hello to you earlier. I wanted to make up for that.”

Magnus shook his head in disbelief and then let it drop against Alec’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you sometimes”, he chuckled and then straightened up, pulling his boyfriend with him towards the stove. “Now come on, help me get the food ready, I’m starving.”

Magnus may not have expected to get any visitors today, but now that the morning had taken such a favorable turn, he might as well make the most of it.

[marcythewerewolf]

You said you do accept fic request? I have one but it's a bit of a weird one.Would you be willing to write a fic where Emma meets show!Clary? I just like the idea of seeing your take on how Emma would react to the version of Clary from the show since the characters from the show are pretty different from their book selves.

Sure! You’re right, mixing mediums is always fun even if it can be a bit hard to set up sometimes. There were two ways to do this one, either having little preteen show!Emma meeting Clary, or full on dimension hopping. In keeping with the canon of the show, I decided to mix them up a bit. 

The Seelie Queen had promised the gate would take her some where different, but Emma hadn’t banked on just how different this new world would be. 

She’d woken up in the New York Institute, in a body that was hers but decidedly not, without a parabatai rune on her arm. 

Even with her mission (find the alternate version of the Black Book, copy down the spells the Queen needed, get the hell out) fresh in her mind, she still couldn’t help but panic a little. It was horrible to feel the scars and muscles so carefully honed and hard won disappear or shift infinitesimally. Even her balance was off. Alternate Emma, whoever she was, spent a lot more time on leg day and clearly hadn’t taken as many upper body injuries as Emma had. Her hair was darker, and when she looked down at herself she realized she now had less of a tan. 

The room was strange too. Julian’s artwork wasn’t on her walls. Cortana was at her bedside, that was reassuring, but there was a laptop as well. Shadowhunters never had laptops. And though she could have sworn she was in the New York Institute, it felt… wrong. 

Well, it was her room. The clothes in the closet proved as much. She was supposed to be here, and the Seelie Queen had promised she’d be sent to the reality where she had the best chance of getting to the Black Book. There was nothing to do but explore. 

(Just in case, she grabbed Cortana and fastened it to her belt. Not having a parabatai bond was more disconcerting than she’d reckoned on, but a sword at your hip made everything better.)

Downstairs was even stranger. The Institute was crowded with Shadowhunters, more than Emma had ever seen in one place outside of Idris or a battlefield. Technology lined the walls, holographic images danced in thin air in front of her. It was dazzling, like something out of a movie. Like a spaceship, it wasn’t something you expected to be confronted with in real-life. 

“I’m not complaining, Jules,” she whispered to herself, “But I think in this universe we’re all Batman.”

Ty would have loved it. Livia too, she thought with a vicious pang of heartache. She shoved it down and strode forward, pretending she was supposed to be here. Her badass strut was immediately diminished by the fact that she had to dodge a floating map of New York. 

The Shadowhunter controlling it, a young woman with dreamy Montclaire eyes and dark brown skin, gave her an odd look. Emma stared at her until she looked away, and continued through the obstacle course of technology until she was in a safe zone of relative quiet, where rotating three dimensional demon projections weren’t a threat. 

“Emma?”

She spun, hackles raised, all too aware that she was reacting like she was in a war zone, not her own house. Already, this plan was falling apart. She wasn’t good at lying. She couldn’t pretend not to be surprised, especially when the person addressing her was Clary Fray. 

At least, she looked like Clary Fray. She was Clary shaped, with orange hair that fell in a movie star tumble of waves around her face. She was wearing heeled boots that made her look taller than she was, and chalk stained jeans and a black tank top. 

“Clary?” Emma squeaked. 

The young woman with the orange hair came over, looking worried, “Are you alright? Raj said you’re acting very strange, and you look flushed.” She put a hand on Emma’s forehead, considered it. “I don’t know what I thought that would do. I have no idea what a fever feels like. If it’s the meeting tonight, you know you can skip it.”

“Um, yeah, the meeting,” Emma smiled, “It’s stressing me out, for sure. And you know, I think I may have eaten some weird food the other day.” Avoid specifics, avoid specifics. How did Julian lie? She wasn’t good at this. 

Clary didn’t look sympathetic. If the Clary Emma remembered was a cool older sister, this one was the sister who pushed you into a lake. Emma knew, she had been that sister for Dru and Livvy. “If you and Jace would stop eating from strange food trucks on patrol, that wouldn’t happen. I’ll tell Magnus you’re skipping. Maybe he can portal in Ty or someone, you know they like to have young people from the Shadowhunter and Downworlder communities. It strengthens our credibility and the Council is going to give us the full beatdown this time, I think. They’re really not pulling any punches.”

Emma suddenly regretted skipping whatever meeting she was now having her alternate self neglect. She still wasn’t exactly sure what it was (The Unseen Alliance, her mind whispered) but anything that upset the Council was a good idea in her book. 

There were more important matters though. “Ty might come?” she asked, because anything that got her closer to Julian was a good thing. Once again, Clary gave her that dubious look, but Emma ignored it. What was she going to do, accuse Emma of being from another dimension?

“Maybe,” Clary said slowly, “If he has time. He and Catarina are still close, you know this. Are you sure something isn’t wrong, Emma?”

Clary Fairchild was known for many things, but emotional sensitivity wasn’t one of them. She was a monster truck of a personality, revving forward and taking no prisoners. At the same time, she had a terrible knack for being perceptive where Emma was concerned. It seemed the more things changed, the more they stayed the same. 

The perfect lie, or close enough to it, occurred to Emma suddenly, like an island emerging from the midst, signalling safety, protection. 

“I think I might have a concussion,” she said, quickly. “Banged my head a few too many times, fell out of bed last night and clocked it against my nightstand. I put an iratze on it, made sure nothing was seriously wrong, but I’m still a little disoriented, and there are a lot of patches of memory that are just missing. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I didn’t want to alarm them, but I am a bit fuzzy on some things.”

To her dismay, Clary looked alarmed. “Emma! Memory loss is serious. You should have told me, or Alec, or someone. Have you checked in with the medical bay?”

Her lie spiralling wildly out of control, Emma tried to cover the damage. “I’m waiting to see if it will clear up with time. But just to check, would you mind clearing some things up for me?”

With only a hint of suspicion, Clary agreed, but Emma noted that she pulled them into a small room off the central atrium of the Institute first. Privacy, it seemed, was important, so Emma was only a little concerned about being exorcised by this strange, new Clary who dressed fashionably and acted so sharp and forward, like the twenty three year old urbanite she appeared to be and not the approachable young woman Emma knew. 

“Is Julian Blackthorn in Los Angeles?” Emma asked as soon as they were away from the uncharacteristic hubbub of the Institute. 

Clary relaxed slightly. “And you’re asking about your boyfriend. Finally, the Emma Carstairs I can rely on. Blackthorns and blades. He is, you’re dating long distance.”

The idea of that, of dating openly and then agreeing to be separated, was mind-boggling, but Emma had to put it aside for the time being. 

“My parents, are they- you know what, nevermind. Um, Clary, what’s going on with you right now?” 

“What’s going on with me?” Clary fiddled with one of her bracelets, thick and plastic and stamped with letters Emma couldn’t quite read. “I mean, the usual. Meetings, patrol, classes. Helping Alec out around the Institute. Simon and Magnus and I are still helping run the Alliance, it’s getting really big. We have representatives across six continents and in almost seventy major cities. We’ve got a lot of sub-programs too, stuff with kids and local community building, mostly Maia’s idea, so obviously the Clave isn’t happy. They’re starting to crack down. Look, Emma knows this.”

She was referring to Emma separately now, which wasn’t a great sign. Emma took a deep breath. “Okay, last question, how did we meet?”

It was hard to imagine this Clary, who went to meetings and hung out with Magnus and was so much older, comforting Emma the same way her Clary had. There had been something honest about one girl, barely more than a child, reaching out to another. 

Clary stared at her, green brown eyes meeting Emma’s solid dark ones steadily. 

“It was when my brother was at the height of his power. He’d attacked Idris, most of the Instututes were compromised. A bunch of Shadowhunters had fled here, to New York, because the we had spare beds and the strength to hold him off for a while. You’d come in with the Blackthorn kids. Helen and Aline stumbled through a Portal more or less carrying all of you, and you were a mess. There weren’t a lot space, and you were so young, and Max had died recently… we put you in his room, spread a bunch of couch cushions on the floor and moved on.”

(Emma could almost remember it now, the absolute terror of being alone and young, surrounded by other people along and young, familiar but not quite right. She was older in this memory, and when she held Cortana it didn’t bite her quite as deep, but she had tears and snot streaming down her face whereas the Blackthorns were just mildly shaken. The Seelie Queen had warned of the dangers of losing yourself to your doppelganger, and so Emma hardened her heart but it hurt.)

“I found you in our operations room at about four AM in the morning, making a battle plan,” Clary said with a fond grin, “You wanted to take Sebastian down yourself, you said. You said he…” her smile quavered, “He killed your parents. You were set on revenge.”

(And wouldn’t she have been? Wasn’t she now even just thinking about it?)

“You said you’d kill him for me,” Emma recalled dully. “But not for revenge, for safety. Because that was the important thing. People died all the time, mothers and fathers and loved ones. They died and it was sad, but revenge just ruined the people we had left. Your- your mother died, I think.”

Her world’s Jocelyn Fray was alive and well. Maybe that was what had made the delicate girl Emma knew grow up.

“It’s really not impressive that you remember that,” Clary told her, looking away and blinking back tears, “You should remember it.”

Emma shrugged and tried not to look emotionally compromised, tried not to remember a twelve year old girl crying into the arms of a teenager swearing fratricide for the good of the children sleeping a hallway away. “Like I said, I have a concussion.”

She needed to move fast. She wasn’t sure how much time she had before this, before alternate Emma who was allowed to date Julian and had gotten her righteous revenge through proxy seduced her away. She had to go on for the people she’d left on the other side of the veil. 

“Look, I know you probably don’t trust me on account of me acting really weird and also your life being the sort of life where “really weird” is usually short hand for “secret sibling” but you need to trust me. People’s lives depend on it. There are so many people I need to save, and to do it I’m going to be acting weird for a while, but if everything goes well, it’ll all be back to normal for you soon.” She had to bank on the fact that Clary had been a hero once. Surely even heroes who had gotten boring and went to meetings still knew what it was like to have everything on the line. 

Clary was staring at her the way Emma looked over enemies, with the grim calculation of a warrior. Then she reached over and cupped Emma’s cheek with her hand. “Emma, you know I trust you, right? The Emma Carstairs I know, who loves the Blackthorns and loves fighting and loves her family, she’s a good person. No matter what magical or demonic nonsense is going on, I have faith in that.” She smiled. “But if you put anyone here at risk, I will take you down, tie you up, and let Magnus tear your mind to pieces to get the real Emma back.”

“Noted, Scary Clary.” Emma wouldn’t have blamed her. Sometimes, you had to protect the people you took care of, by any means necessary. “Still not telling you what’s going on though. Not that I don’t trust you, it’s just a really long story.”

Alternate Clary laughed, “Isn’t it always?”