#but the next scenario (scenario b) is written by the 1st writer so I have higher hopes for it!
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Strange house - DGM doujin fangame scenario C
I finally reached the next route in Strange house, a doujin LaviYuu d.gray-man fangame made by MOONLIGHT CAFE released in Japanese in 2010. I'm actually playing these out of order accidentally - this is only my 2nd route I've played, but in the guidebook it's listed as scenario C, which can be translated as "Love Affair Trap: A Suspicious Bracelet"
scenario a - Dolly
to briefly summarize Strange house, you play as Lavi while he, Kanda, and Toma are out on a mission. while returning back to the Order, you have the option of making various choices to either take detours, explore new missions, and more. depending on the first 2 choices you make determines which scenario (or "route") you go down, with each focused on Lavi x Kanda.

to get scenario C, you have to choose to hurry back to town after finishing the mission and then contact the Order to see if there's any missions you can do while you're still out. the Order explains a rumor nearby your location of a man who's immortal. so, the three of them (Lavi, Kanda, and Toma) all head to the mansion.
once they get there, the supposedly elderly man who greets them... is a young man! he fully acknowledges and admits to being seemingly immortal, claiming he's lived 80 years so far.
the man, named Hewlett (side note: I had no damn clue what his name was supposed to be and had to get TL help), claims that the secret to his longevity is the bracelet around his arm. clearly, it's innocence. Lavi and Kanda immediately want to know more and want to figure out how to get the bracelet from him.
but, before that, Hewlett has... a bit of a moment when he sees Kanda. he's taken away by his beauty, but doesn't say much at the moment. the 4 of them step away into a sitting room to continue their discussion.
there, the man explains that he can't simply give the bracelet away as he can't take off the bracelet. no matter what, the bracelet will not leave his arm, even after the boys try removing it with his permission. but, there is one more possibility.
the bracelet is a family heirloom and according to a journal his ancestors made, the only way to remove the bracelet is by two people sharing vows to love one another and both putting on a pair of bracelets (Hewlett's is just one in a pair). Lavi and Kanda both have a bad feeling about this, and for good reason.
Hewlett asks Kanda to marry him.
both immediately object, but Hewlett assures them it's the only way. he goes on to say it can just be a formality and not a binding agreement, but that they would have to have a "wedding" regardless.
Lavi has the option to object or to tell Kanda to go through with it. if Lavi objects, Kanda objects with him, but Hewlett talks them both down and the boys walk off to talk things over. if Lavi accepts for Kanda, Kanda gets angry and the boys walk off to talk things over. either way, Lavi realizes the quickest (and non-lethal) way out of this is for Kanda to go along with Hewlett's plan.
as the two walk away, Kanda expresses his anger and just wants to go back to the Order and eat soba. truly, the power of soba...
Lavi knows he needs to convince Kanda to actually go through with it, so you have the choice of him starting to cry and beg him (he doesn't want Kanda to get married off!) or trying to go the rational route.
Kanda, after some coaxing, agrees.
the two go back and tell Hewlett that they agree to his terms. despite it being a "fake" wedding, Hewlett is overly eager to marry Kanda, regardless of his gender.
Hewlett gives them guests rooms in his mansion for them to stay at, with the wedding planned for the next day. however, Lavi can't go to sleep (and he certainly can't stay still) so he decides to explore the manor.
Lavi has the choice to go see Kanda or explore the manor on his own. for some reason, you have to be kind of cold to Kanda in this scenario to get the true ending - rather than go see him and provide comfort, you leave him on his own and go explore on your own.
however, if you do go see Kanda, you get a side scene of the two bonding as well as exploring the manor together. in one of Hewlett's studies, they find a picture of a woman who looks oddly just like Kanda. they realize it was an unrequited love and this is Hewlett's way of getting closure on a lost love.
...but, if Lavi explores the manor alone, you get a much, much different outlook on Hewlett.
Lavi ends up in a dark room, only to realize he's surrounded. not by humans, but mannequins. unless...?
I was already kind of eh about the premise, but this is where the scenario really started to lose me. in the room is a whole slew of "mannequins", humans that are dead but have become a dummy-like state, and all of them somewhat resemble Kanda. and for some reason they're all arranged in here like they're in a ballroom.
with some digging, Lavi manages to find a journal documenting the bracelet. it verifies that the bracelet can only be taken off when a pair of partners both wear the bracelets, but it also goes on to say it's a curse and can inflict harm on the other person if the true's love vow, well, isn't true.
so, Hewlett is a "serial killer", as described by Lavi. I mean, I guess? I'm still unsure what the point of the "mannequin" room is, but let's continue. there's a bad end here if you stay too long and keep reading where Hewlett sneaks up on Lavi, knocks him out, and sets him aside to kill later but Kanda realizes something is wrong the next day and saves Lavi, running off to the Order and Hewlett going missing. all of this is told to us afterwards.
however, if you do read up but not stay too long, Lavi is resolved to put a stop to this in the morning. he goes to bed.
the next morning is the wedding. fake or not, Kanda is given a wedding dress to wear for it.
and for mugen too. sure.
Kanda obviously isn't too happy to be in a dress and just wants the thing over with.
depending on prior choices, Hewlett's fate is sealed at this wedding.
if you explored the mansion with Kanda the prior night and found out about his unrequited love (but not him being a serial killer), then Kanda puts on the bracelet without much of a fuss (as neither know about the bracelet's curse). as soon as he puts on the bracelet, the bracelet comes off of Hewlett's wrist. all of a sudden, the innocence's effects fade away and Hewlett reverts to his elderly self, writhing in pain. Lavi and Kanda can only stand there and watch in horror.
Hewlett dies from the transformation, leaving Lavi and Kanda in a state of shock. they leave the mansion not long after in a bad end where Kanda still has the bracelet and Lavi is too shaken up to try putting it on himself.
the only way to get the true ending is to explore the mansion alone. when it comes time for the ceremony to actually take place, Lavi yells out that Kanda might die if he wears the bracelet, explaining what he read the prior night. Kanda immediately backs off, kicking back at Hewlett to try and protect himself.
however, Hewlett manages to get the bracelet on Kanda. in a similar scene as before, Hewlett's own bracelet falls off and he begins to age rapidly. Lavi understands more of what's happening this time, and even though he knows Hewlett is a murderer, he still doesn't want him to die such a horrible death.
if Lavi doesn't urge Kanda to go through with the wedding and doesn't cry & beg (both earlier choices), then Hewlett dies similar as before. Kanda digs a shallow grave for him in the back of the house but doesn't permit Lavi to try on the bracelet. the three (remember Toma?) head back to the Order, hoping Hevlaska can help take the bracelet off of Kanda.
on the true ending, Lavi jumps to action and pushes the bracelet back onto Hewlett which...somehow stops him from dying from the rapid aging and leaving him as an old man. but also the bracelet comes off?
so now Hewlett is alive (but unconscious) and Kanda still has the bracelet on. however, Kanda is still in a wedding dress and Lavi isn't going to let that go to waste. Kanda thinks similarly, asking Toma to go get ready to leave. Lavi picks up the bracelet, puts it on himself, and kisses Kanda. both bracelets fall to the ground.
the two contact the police and give Hewlett over to them, leaving the manor with the bracelets in tow. and that's the end of scenario c!
this scenario was shorter than scenario a, dolly, and definitely felt all over the place. scenario a had a much clearer premise and plot beats, feeling more like a filler episode from the anime. scenario c (this one) feels like they wanted to put Kanda in a dress and tried to construct a plot around that.
the rules around the bracelet felt convoluted (why did it save the guy at the end of the true route? why did it turn all of the other victims into essentially mannequins?) and the "villain" felt slapped together (why was he a serial killer??? they try to explain it as he's still not over his unrequited love, but why keep the corpses of the victims?) with no real conclusion or backstory given. it wasn't terrible, but certainly didn't feel as well put together as the first scenario.
there's still 2 more scenarios in this game that I'll be playing through and documenting here.
scenario A - Dolly
guidebook scans
#dgm#dgrayman#laviyuu#lavi bookman#yuu kanda#kanda yuu#d gray man#fangame#doujin game#fangames#doujin games#dgm fangame#doujin fangame#doujin fangames#moonlight cafe#another reminder I didn't make this game I'm just archiving it#I played this route over several months since I wasn't immediately interested in the love bracelet premise so I had to replay some of it#just to remember what happened lol#overall it's a very short scenario / route and I'm kinda eh on it#but the next scenario (scenario b) is written by the 1st writer so I have higher hopes for it!
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Chocolate Box 2021 letter
Dear writer,
Hello and thank you for writing for me!
I’m Miss_M on AO3. For all requests, I am asking for fic.
My requests this year are: American Gods (TV), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (TV), Starred Up (2013 movie), Witchblade (TV), and Бeсa ǀ Besa (TV)
General likes:
-pre-canon, canon, post-canon, canon-divergent, and missing-scene stories
-character-driven as well as plot-driven stories
-fics which mix humor and angst/serious business (when this fits the canon)
-characters at work and play
-group dynamics, family dynamics (including constructed families), professional partnerships, friendships, alliances, rivalries, intimate couples (new lovers/first times as well as long-term/established couples), UST-ridden couples who are not just UST-ridden but connected in other ways too
-irony, snark, humor, angst -- all arising from the characters rather than the plot crowbaring it in
-linear, non-linear, and 5+1 stories
-hopeful endings, happy endings, bittersweet endings, “everything is awful but you’re here and maybe I don’t entirely hate that” endings
-worldbuilding
-spiky characters who keep their jagged edges and spikiness in adversity as well as when their lives are going well, square-peg-in-round-hole characters, tough characters with (maybe not so well) hidden vulnerabilities, characters who are their own worst enemies, characters who manage to get over themselves when the occasion calls for it, characters with conflicting values which may or may not be reconciled/resolved, characters who treat each other with respect and as equals even if they hate/annoy/can’t stand/love to dislike each other, characters who may not be exactly friends and may well irritate one another but manage to rub along to get the job done and maybe even grow to care about one another (much to their surprise/reluctance/discomfort), characters who just cannot get along with each other or find common ground
-workplace stories (this can mean anything from an actual workplace/casefic/procedural setting to anything that revolves around the canon world in which the characters live) in which the characters get to be competent
Shippy and smutty likes:
-(where it fits the characters) banter
-competitiveness or antagonism shading into attraction (this tension need not be resolved)
-”oh god why did it have to be you what did I do to deserve this“
-”come here and say it to my face/do that again/kiss me, you motherfucker”
-bickering yet loving couples
-characters who are serious about their romantic interests
-characters who think they are much better at flirtation than they actually are
-characters forced to work together only to prove much more compatible than they initially assumed
-fics which mix an exploration of characters’ professional and everyday lives with shipping
-characters who are incompatible in some important way (they are ideological enemies, cop and criminal, spies from opposite sides, or there has been betrayal!!!), and while they love and/or want each other, they’re not willing to change sides or abandon/compromise their identity/beliefs for the other’s benefit
-I don’t know how better to phrase this than: smut which fits the characters; how does their canon dynamics spill over into hubba hubba stuff?
-sexual scenarios that subvert expectations a little and surprise the characters themselves
-sexual scenarios that contain an element of competition or antagonism
-"this is a bad idea but we’re going for it hammer and tongs”
-not wanting to admit feelings or show vulnerability except oops it happens anyway, whether the characters acknowledge it or not
-characters getting way more into the sex or being more affected by it than they thought they would
-quick and intense sex, slow and intense sex, rough yet willing sex (when it fits the characters), unexpectedly emotional and/or tender sex
-masturbation while thinking of the other half of the ship (or not wanting to think about them only oops there they are in the fantasy!)
-first time sex
-established relationship, we-know-each-other-so-well sex
-”we’ve both wanted this and now we both know it so here we go diving in headfirst” sex
-for het and/or slash, oral, vaginal, anal incl. pegging, manual (ifyouknowwhatImean) -- all is good. You can go as veiled or as explicit as you like, but please avoid excessive medical jargon – I don’t find a lot of mention of “penis” or “clit” sexy.
Ship/smut DNWs:
MPREG, A/B/O, knotting D/s, formalized BDSM, painful sex, hard kinks (holding someone down playfully, hair pulling and such like, the odd spank are a-OK) scat, watersports knife/gun/blood play incest deaging/infantilization, mommy/daddy kink under-16yos in sexual situations humiliation body distortion/horror (feeding/weight kink, come inflation, vore, etc.) unrequested ships/pairings soulmates and soul marks pregnancy and children (can be mentioned if canon, just don’t make the whole fic about them) wedding setting/theme secondary characters shipping the main pair like it’s their job xeno, tentacles, bestiality noncon/dubcon
Other DNWs:
torture and abuse (this and noncon/dubcon can be mentioned, but please don’t dwell on it in loving detail or subject any of my requested characters to it) descriptions of vomit, shit, and piss (”He pissed up against a tree” and the like is fine), toilet humor lots of gore/blood (mention it, yes; lovingly describe it, no), cannibalism, serious illness or injury character bashing genderswap/genderbent characters, characters as kids/young teens issuefic, gender/sexuality/race/ethnicity/religion/ability/identity headcanons death of requested characters hopeless, unrelenting gloom/angst/horror RL holiday setting/theme, RL religions as a major theme (invented fictional holidays and rituals are fine) reference to RL current events 1st and 2nd person POV unrequested crossovers or fusions AUs which have nothing to do with canon fic written in lapslock
FANDOMS:
American Gods (TV)
Laura Moon/Mad Sweeney
I ship it. Yes I do. They had me at “gimme-my-coin-dead-wife”-flicks-him-into-wall. The snarky road trip was the best thing I never knew I wanted until it happened, and I adored every second of it, not to mention the upped shippiness in S2. They’re both such assholes and so fascinating, even if they start to mellow toward each other a bit, and all the gods/magic/resurrection stuff swirling around them begs to be explored further. Also I love love love how their dynamic is about equal parts spikiness, pathos, and humor (they’re funny! and the canon doesn’t shy away from putting them in ludicrous situations), and it weaves seamlessly between those three. Plus she’s half his size yet can and does beat him up with literally one finger, and then there’s the angst of he having killed her, feeling really guilty about it, and then bringing her back. And the way that their New Orleans adventure makes clear they have feelings for each other but neither wants to admit it. And and and… yeah, I just love them.
Even if some of my prompts are about stuff that’s addressed or hinted at in canon, feel free to diverge – canon divergences and canon-adjacent stories are my jam, as are missing scenes and post-canon stories! Also, I’ve read the book, so feel free to riff on that if you want.
Canon-specific DNWs: Laura as Essie or Sweeney's wife's reincarnation/descendant or lots of comparing her to them, Sweeney staying dead, any S3 spoilers.
Exception to blanket DNW about blood/gore/bodily fluids: describing the physical decay of the living undead (undead? there but for the grace of magic coins dead?) is fine!
Prompts:
-Laura discovers (how? you decide!) that Sweeney gave her back the coin after their accident – whatever happens next, some punching may be involved.
-Wednesday’s big war finally comes, and “don’t you dare die on me [again], you asshole” is a line either Sweeney or Laura (or both) might say to each other.
-Laura asked “What does Wednesday have to lose?” and the answer is…? (Yes, give me that sweet poetic justice. One possibility, though not remotely the only one, but as of S2E3 Laura is technically a god-killer...) Or later when she straight-up says she’s going to kill Wednesday, but is warned to bring power with her when she does, how does that work? How else might she damage Wednesday or ruin his plans, just in case she can’t actually kill him?
-At the end of S2, Laura hoists Sweeney’s dead body over her shoulders and strides off, seemingly leaving Cairo, Shadow, and all of it behind. Tell me what happens then – does she use Baron Samedi’s potion to bring him back, and whose is the blood filled with love she uses (does she still bleed? You could get creative here, worldbuilding is also my jam)? Does her/his coin play a part – and how come the coin still “powers” Laura despite Sweeney’s death? Does she bring him back another way, maybe figuring out how to keep herself around and be able to give Sweeney back his coin? Does he come back like she did, more undead than alive, or does his godhead, however depleted, help with that? That still leaves Laura to be fully resurrected too… Or does something completely out of left field happen – surprise me!
-Possible divergences from “Treasure of the Sun”: Sweeney manages to kill Wednesday, and then Laura rolls up, and then…? Or Laura rolls up and makes like Mama-Ji told her – destroys some motherfuckers? Or Sweeney gets killed temporarily but Laura brings him back, or brings herself back, or does something else with the Baron’s potion, and is Sweeney’s blood the one filled with love, or can we interpret voodoo spells in a non-literal way? Or what happens with Gungnir hidden in Sweeney’s hoard? And definitely how do they deal with each other once they meet up in Cairo, given how they parted in New Orleans?
-Or how about a wild divergence from the last several episodes of S2? Sweeney and Laura manage to settle their differences (ahem, more fucking, on this plane of reality, might help) and don’t part ways before leaving NOLA. Or they roll up in Cairo separately but at the same time, and confront Wednesday together, and neither of them die (or die more, in her case). Or they’re there together when the police nearly raid the house. Or they have Wednesday (the ultimate cause of Laura’s death) and Ibis (a death deity) and Bilquis (a love/death/life deity) on hand, surely they can concoct some kind of resurrection thingamajig for Laura, and if they have to twist some divine arms then so be it. Or or or…?
-Wednesday told that luckless cop that Sweeney had been against the big gods’ war from the start, and while Wednesday lies, what if Sweeney decided much sooner to say to hell with Grimnir and his war and his having Sweeney kill random people? I’m guessing Sweeney too drank three glasses of mead so he can’t back out without dire consequence – but he does have a fierce, dead woman in his corner.
-They go to some as-yet-unnamed old god (feel free to bring in whatever mythology you want) in order to bring Laura back to life. Between Sweeney’s mouth and temper, and Laura’s mouth and temper, it doesn’t go well. Now one or both of them are in big magical trouble with a pissed-off deity and have to get themselves/each other out of it. Speaking of other deities, I really enjoyed their brief canon interactions with Ostara, Anansi, and Mama-Ji, and I’d like to see more of that, especially Ostara’s polite yet over-it attitude, Anansi very obvious over-it attitude and his dramatic flair, or Mama-Ji being one of the few capable of giving Laura pause.
-All the petty, ridiculous ways in which Sweeney’s bad luck manifests itself make me laugh (can’t help it, won’t even try), and I’m down for more variations on that theme.
-Sweeney and Laura fighting together, like they did on Mr. Town’s train of torture. Whether it’s a bar fight of their own making, or the big gods’ war they find themselves embroiled in, or something else entirely.
-Things happen and Laura finds herself in the position to throw Sweeney under the bus but also help/save him, and while he knows it’s only karma (he did kill her way back when), he can still be pissed off about it – how do they navigate this?
-Related to that, the Baron said: “In death is her true love, but she betrays him also.” If that meant Sweeney, or can mean Sweeney in the future (I don’t like destiny-wills-it stories, and they’re definitely not there yet, but they could maybe get there at some future point, and even then It Would Be Complicated), was the betrayal Laura rejecting him after the loa ‘fuck them,’ or is it something that hasn’t happened yet, and if so, what?
-Laura gets fully alive again, but traces of her (un)dead state remain – what are they, how does she cope, what price did she/he/they have to pay for her resurrection, and how does their relationship change? I’d especially be curious how it would work if they’re already a sorta-maybe-item and then she’s alive again and it’s weird in a new way.
-For reasons I’ll leave up to you, Sweeney and Laura have to stay put in a single place for a while and end up essentially cohabiting, regardless of what their relationship is at that point. Take “cohabiting” as literally or as creatively as you want – in any case, I’m sure it will be marvelously disastrous and amazing. If the place they have to stay happens to be NOLA, all the better, I find everything about that city fascinating. Or, if you wanted to use book canon, Laura and Sweeney (rather than Shadow) are the ones who have to spend time living in Lakeside and deal with its creepy Norman Rockwell-ness and with Hinzelmann.
-Slight or major AU from the opening of “The Ways of the Dead”: Laura has hitchhiked with Sweeney instead of going off in a huff with Wednesday, or she otherwise gets to New Orleans sooner, and she and Sweeney tear up the town together. Maybe they even cross the paths of some loa and it doesn’t get all angsty. They were actually getting along nicely in those first couple of scenes in NOLA, only ribbing each other a little while still being their grouchy selves, before they got to Le Coq Noir. I wouldn’t have minded seeing some more of that.
-AU from the end of “The Ways of the Dead”: they still have their big fight (which was amazing as well as painful) or some variation thereof, but they don’t split up. (Maybe the reason is as mundane as Sweeney refusing to get left behind or they have a shared ride out of town, or maybe the more time passes the less Sweeney can afford to be far from his coin – or maybe the coin needs him close by to work at full capacity.) And then what?
-All the old gods hide their true appearance to an extent. A situation arises in which Laura sees Sweeney’s true, or at least old, self. Or Wednesday’s war ends in victory, meaning the old gods again get belief, worship, and sacrifices. How does Laura, the ultimate skeptic even when she’s on the other side of the mirror, react? How does this new knowledge and new reality change her opinion of/attitude to Sweeney? Or to flip that around, if Sweeney were again relevant and believed-in, would that actually change his bad attitude and fix his issues (my guess is it would be complicated)? On that note, Sweeney’s decline from Lugh to king to leprechaun was more sketched in than really explored in canon, ditto I didn’t really get why he couldn’t seem to remember his own history except in snatches (the curse that made him a bird/madman of the woods?) – I’d love to see more about it and his (not) dealing with it, or with a reversal of that decline. Eorann told him long ago to adapt and change with the times – but what does that mean after humpteen centuries in a rut and becoming used to always feeling angry and unappreciated?
-The power of names, since they never use each other’s in canon: for all his “dead wifeing,” there comes a time when Sweeney (has to) call her by her actual name, and that’s a tricky moment for them to navigate. Or, Mad Sweeney is not his actual name, and true names have great magical power and so must be kept secret; Laura discovers or learns his name, from someone else or from himself; what does she do with that knowledge? Or, Sweeney gets to say “cunt” in a situation (sexual or otherwise) where, not only does Laura not peel his lips from his gums, but she finds that she can’t object, even though she knows that he knows that he’s getting away with it.
-They’re both so complicated and contradictory and spiky, but they also start to care and rely on each other - and react really badly when they (think the other one) betrayed them. I would like to see those nuances explored some more and/or to see Laura and Sweeney get to a point where they trust each other and rely on each other, and know it and accept it, however difficult the getting there and being there may be for them.
-Sweeney and Laura get drunk and wake up married. Or some sex and/or blood resurrection spell results in basically an unbreakable marriage bond, whether it also secures resurrection or not. Or marrying the dead keeps them (sorta) alive. Or being married makes it possible for them to share magical/supernatural abilities. They’re both pissed about it, but secretly having to make it work may not be the worst thing that’s ever happened...
-My perfect AG spinoff would basically be Sweeney and Laura tooling around America, looking to get her resurrected (whether they succeed or not is up to you), stealing ever more ridiculous vehicles, arguing/fighting and having those pesky moments where vulnerability and genuineness creep in – and fucking. So yessiree I’d be down for porn, including “it’s technically necrophilia/zombiesex” porn, including a canon-divergent first time, or their second time, or all the later times after they had their first time in NOLA in canon.
-If you wanted to throw in some worldbuilding, maybe something exploring living death. Magical bargains. What kind of favor did Sweeney do for Ostara that would be worth her bringing someone back to life as repayment? What other powers might Sweeney have – or have left from when he was Lugh? How long can a dead wife keep going before she’s “soup”? What other superhuman abilities might dead!Laura have? Can the dead do magic? What even are the rules governing and the limits of different beings’ magical abilities? For example, why can’t Sweeney just take his coin back, or why does Laura gain super-strength as part of her undead package deal? Is the hoard in the same space as the behind-the-scenes accessed through the merry-go-round, or it’s a different place? Why does the coin seem to start to “run down” the longer Laura has it? Why did Wednesday need Laura to kill Argus when he killed Vulcan himself just fine? What happens with Gungnir now it’s in the hoard – can only Sweeney get to it, has it been transformed somehow (it’s now the treasure of the sun), etc.?
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (TV)
Lenny Bruce/Miriam “Midge” Maisel/Susie Myerson
Lenny Bruce & Miriam “Midge” Maisel & Susie Myerson
Lenny Bruce/Miriam “Midge” Maisel & Miriam “Midge” Maisel/Susie Myerson
I’m here for Midge’s adventures in the intoxicating, foul-mouthed, and often-frustrating world of comedy, so her dynamic with Susie and Lenny is where it’s at. Shippy or platonic, I just love the interactions between these three, and between every pair combination among them: Midge and Susie bantering and swearing and tits-upping even when they irritate each other, Midge and Lenny bringing the pathos as well as the humor, and Lenny and Susie both being hardened old pros with still a little glimmer of starry eyes. I am good with L/M/S or L&M&S or L/M & M/S – so, if you go the shippy route, either a V-shaped triad or hey, Susie (whom I absolutely read as gay) might find a way to be good with a full-on triangle… If you want to keep it platonic, True Companions all the way, always there for each other, even when they want to strangle each other. And as much as I like the comedy inherent in the characters, I also love that they’re all three, each in their own way, messed up people and dysfunctional to various degrees. So yeah, I just want Midge to hand the kids over to her parents, ditch Joel once and for all, marry (interpret that as literally or as loosely as you want) both Susie and Lenny, and for the three of them to ride off into the sunset to make comedy history.
Canon-specific DNWs: explicit sex (so nothing above M rating for sex), pairing any two as a / couple with the third as a & hanger-on, Lenny can still be his RL messed-up, drugged-up self – albeit the gentler version the show gives us – but I don’t want him dying if your fic is set in 1966 or after.
Prompts (most of these are from before S3 dropped, feel free to work with canon or diverge however you see fit -- I am all caught up with S3):
-Does Susie manage them both? Does Midge open for Lenny on tour? Does he open for her??? Or they become equal stars on the comedy circuit?
-Maybe Lenny joins Shy Baldwin’s tour, or they run into him while touring Europe or the US, or after Shy fires Midge, Midge and Susie cobble together a Midge-only tour of America and keep crossing Lenny’s own touring path, and they all tool around, and yes I would love as much period detail and geography porn as you can throw at me. And while Lenny and Midge have seen the world, Susie hasn’t – her reaction to different foods, languages, customs, landscapes would be spectacular to witness. Especially if “different” is someplace as close to New York as Jersey or Connecticut, or someplace as far away and different as, say, Japan.
-If they do go to Europe, somehow or other they also tour the Soviet Bloc. Cue culture clashes, getting followed (or thinking they’re being followed) by the secret police, getting hammered on vodka and herring and pickles, and then when they get back to the States, the Feds grill them. It’s all dead serious, and Midge and Lenny refuse to take it as seriously as they should, while Susie is trying but the whole thing is really pissing her off…
-Lenny’s burned out, and Midge is just getting started. This dissonance may or may not find some sort of resolution. One thing’s for sure: Susie has limited patience for both Lenny’s depression and Midge’s need to make everything pretty.
-Instead of going to Joel for a no-way-is-that-closure fling after the Steve Allen Show taping, Midge goes to have a drink or seven with the two people who have, in their own ways, always been there for her and never let her down.
-Midge goes on TV again, this time as the star: longer set, prime time slot, dressing room, the works. She’s dying of nerves. Lenny and Susie coach her through it.
-More radio work to make ends meet in between gigs: hilaribad period ads, hilaribad radio drama, running all over town to be on time, getting paid in all kinds of dubious merch…
-Midge and Susie head out west to make it big and stay with Lenny once they’re in Los Angeles, and it’s marvelous (ha ha) and disastrous in equal measure.
-More of Susie being the hypercompetent manager we saw especially in S3! (And please don’t dwell on her gambling problem, I was not a fan.)
-They all three get drunk, maybe with a hint of sadness if it’s the holidays (you can ignore my DNW about holidays, but please let that be just the background, not the lynchpin of the story) or someone’s birthday, and there’s a bar fight, running from the cops, eating greasy food at ass o’clock, and possibly kissing, not necessarily in that order.
-One or two or all three of them get arrested/have court appearances all over America and have to bail each other out, or find someone to bail them all out, or secure legal counsel – you get the drift. Or all three of them are trying to explain to a single lawyer what happened, talking over each other, the two pros not being able to resist landing zingers and Susie not being far behind, and the lawyer just getting more and more confused.
-They get in trouble some other way – offended patrons, surly management, shitty hotels, tour bus breaks down in the middle of Wyoming – and have to have each other’s backs because no one else will.
-Three-person road trip or tour, and only Susie knows how to drive. So Midge decides to learn, right then and there. And Lenny… Lenny may or may not be too lazy/hungover/lying about not knowing how. There’s supposed to be a rotation so everyone gets to stretch out on the back seat for equal lengths of time, but you know the system doesn’t work too well in practice. Also, they play games in the car to while away the time, and they do it their own way of course: I spy, cows on my side, yellow car, never have I ever, 20 questions, or riffing on whatever’s playing on the radio…
-They sit down to watch the moon landing (you can move it up a bit so it’s not happening a whole decade after S2) – by which I mean, Midge is all gung-ho about the moon landing, and Lenny and Susie are like whatever – and things don’t quite go to plan, but a good time is eventually had by all.
-It’s Yom Kippur again, and Midge wants to do the whole production: synagogue, breaking fast, the lot. Lenny and Susie would rather eat glass. Midge gets her way, of course. Does she decide to bring Susie and Lenny home to meet – or meet properly – her parents??? I bet Abe and Rose’s reactions would be something to see. (This too is an exception to my DNW about holiday settings – I just want stuff to get as crazy as it did the two times we saw Yom Kippur celebrated on the show, and for everything to still somehow turn out relatively OK.)
-Midge and Lenny have cheered each other up when the going got extra rough. I want for Susie to be especially down in the dumps – maybe her boozehound of a mother died and Susie took it worse than she does in canon, maybe some asshole told her she’s a shit manager and got her right in her insecurities – and Midge to rope Lenny into trying to cheer her up. And for Susie to fight them every step of the way but still be glad they care enough to try.
-Inspired by Susie’s brother looking just like her, by which I mean she and he and their sister look nothing alike, and by Lenny’s “she’s my mother” quip about Midge at the TV studio and then his “let me introduce my wife or maybe my sister” in Miami – Midge, Susie, and Lenny pretend to all be blood relatives, or mafiosi, or spies, or something else they’re not, while out in public, say in a restaurant. Just to be assholes and see how long they can keep it going before they break character or people figure them out, or call the cops, or something. There’s totally a bet on who corpses and breaks character first. Or, nice hotels ca. 1960 weren’t very big on letting unmarried couples, let alone threesomes stay in rooms together – pretending to be family might make that easier; forgetting what they’re meant to be to each other, or mixing up their backstories might make it harder. This could also work platonically, if they’re trying to save money by only getting one room, there only being one free room in the hotel, or for any other screwball reason you can invent.
-Lenny and Midge do a (comeback) tour of the Borscht Belt, and all the Steiner Mountain Resort guests (especially the gossipy old hens from the beauty salon) and staff go to see them – and heckle.
-Stuff happens and they end up performing at some hole in the wall place where no one knows who they are (or no one believes it’s really those people they’ve seen on TV) – tough crowd, but a good workout for the two comics, and if Susie gets to threaten to rip off someone’s head, all the better.
-Lenny and Midge honing their routines – and maybe developing a double act – and Susie being all “oh my fucking god, what the fuck!!! … They’re actually good. I’m so proud.”
-Sharing a bed with two other people is an ongoing project: who sleeps (or refuses to sleep) in the middle? Who gets up during the night and why? Who starfishes across most of the bed? Who snores, and how does this get handled? If alcohol or pot have happened, how does that affect the sleeping arrangements? Also, Susie and Lenny witness and react to Midge’s beauty routine, ‘nuff said. Or, for various reasons one person after another ends up decamping to another room/bed/couch, but it doesn’t help them get much sleep or even stay there very long (this is inspired by my love of Shirley Jackson and her short story/humorous essay “The Night We All Had Grippe”). If you prefer to keep it platonic, most of this would work if they’re just sharing a double bedroom on tour (I leave the reason for why Lenny is bunking with the women up to you).
Starred Up (2013 movie)
Oliver Baumer/Eric Love
Yes I do ship it, I do, I do!
Ahem. Don’t get me wrong, I liked what the movie did with the father-son relationship and its influence on both men’s character development – but I really wish they hadn’t got Oliver out of the action before the story’s climax (not like that!). The final denouement with Love father and Love son was great, as was the hint at the end that Eric learned something in anger-management group and has a support network that will help him a lot. But. I would have wanted to see more of the intriguing dynamic between Eric the intelligent, semi-feral, yet not-incorrigible, young thug and Oliver the educated, dedicated, kind yet aware of his own potential for violence (what was he on about with “I need to be here”?), slightly older counselor. They had me at Oliver’s “I want him” and Eric later telling his father that Oliver’s a better man than Love Sr. Also the not-flirting and the push-pull in the scene when Oliver picks up Eric from his cell - yowza!
Exception to blanket DNW: dubcon is a-okay! If you decide to go there, my preferred flavors of dubcon for this canon are: power differential makes it a bad idea but they do it anyway; “I know you want this”; “if the answer’s no/you’re only doing this for a dare or to prove a point, then why are you enjoying this so much [as am I]?”; no no yes a.k.a. starts as dubcon (or one of them thinks they’re dubconning the other), becomes enthusiastic consent.
Also, if this is relevant or makes you nervous about writing for me, Eric would be 18-19, and Oliver is maybe 10-12 years older – and I like it!!! (The actors were 22 and 31 when the movie was made, FWIW.)
Prompts:
-I would love to see Oliver return to holding his group in prison, so the two of them can interact more, either in the movie’s immediate aftermath or years down the line, as it’s implied that Eric will be serving a long sentence. Give me more scenes from anger management or the ribald, honest, free-flowing conversations in group, either with the other men present (I liked Hassan and Tyrone especially, among the group members) or a one-on-one session.
-An oblique or open-but-undramatic admission/declaration that they both know there’s something there, even if they don’t know what to do with it. Or, one or both of them knows exactly what to do with it, and the push-pull that would result from that.
-Dirty talk: used for arousal, as a defense mechanism, as a form of flirtation. Eric using slurs to assert dominance, and Oliver not letting him hide behind profanity, when he can use colorful language to express emotion and/or sexual interest. There could definitely be some verbal taunting/flirting about who wants/is eager to do what or is good at doing something. There may be some sniping comments about logistics and (lack of) condoms and barebacking and what men get up to in prison. There probably wouldn’t be deep discussions about sexual identity.
-An emergency in the prison requires a lock-down, so Oliver gets temporarily stuck in Eric’s cell or another room with only Eric for company. Things get porny and/or emotional.
-Eric is eventually released (you can handwave this so it happens soon after the movie or have it happen years later) and crashes with Oliver while he adjusts to the outside world. You guessed it: things get porny and/or emotional.
-How do they get to the point where both can cross that line from friends/whatever the hell they are and become, to lovers? (There’s Eric’s personal history and general discomfort with vulnerability, plus all the ways prison sex can be or make things complicated, and if it helps, I headcanon Oliver as either gay or bi and at least somewhat closeted, at work especially.) Who initiates and “directs traffic”? How does their always-contentious dynamic shift during and after sex? Is the sex an isolated (series of) occasion(s), or a progression/escalation over multiple encounters (how would I love especially an escalating series of encounters, let me count the ways)? Eric might seem like the logical initiator and/or dominant partner as well as using the possibility of sex to manipulate and exert control, but then Oliver might (or might not!) surprise him and is definitely the one more in touch with himself as well as aware of his custodial duty toward the men in the group.
-At some point in their intimate relationship (probably not right at the start, and probably not in prison, though if you can make it happen in prison, more power to you!), Oliver decides he’s going to take his sweet time and make Eric fall absolutely apart with pleasure, while using dirty talk to both arouse and empower Eric to own his desires – by that point, Eric is in a place where he can let that happen and enjoy it, even if he still talks tough.
-Or how about this: Eric gets out, relationship happens or is in the process of being negotiated, and while physical intimacy is a whooooole neeeeeew woooorld, you know what else would be cool? Phone sex. Yep. Or even, Eric gets himself one of those secret prison burner phones (preferably hidden somewhere that’s not someone’s arse), and… phone sex after lights-out and lock-down. Maybe nothing (much) has happened physically (yet), so phone sex can be a building block to that or one facet of that deepening intimacy.
Witchblade (TV) Sara Pezzini/Danny Woo
Sara Pezzini & Danny Woo
I used to love this show back in the day, and loved it again in all its hokey gloriousness when I rewatched it recently. Sara figuring things out and being a principled badass, but maybe out of her depth with the Witchblade, and her dynamic with Danny, whether he's a ghost or alive, it’s all catnip to me. Sara is not extremely quippy, she has a job to do dammit! and don’t look at her vulnerable side, just don’t look at it!, and I love that about her (she’s much harsher in S1, after Danny’s death, than in S2); ditto that Danny is somewhat softer than she is, but still can hold his own thanksverymuch (well, when the plot doesn’t require him to get nabbed by bad guys) and has a bit of a deadpan snarker side too. I’d love something that plays around with their canon dynamic from either season, or uses canon as just a starting point. Gen is good, shippy (incl. porny) is good. Some of my prompts lean dark or horror-y, so don’t be shy about going there; I’d also enjoy a story in which the Witchblade itself ends up not being very significant (say, they start to investigate a possibly mystical case and then nope, plain murder). BTW I really like Conchobar too, so if you want to include him (that means also Conchobar Lives AUs), his relationship (current or past) with Sara, or his canonical death somehow, go for it!
Canon-specific DNWs: Irons and any version of Nottingham appearing (you can mention them if you need to).
Exception to blanket DNW: dubcon is fine (see first prompt).
Prompts:
-The Witchblade is more parasitic than symbiotic, and instead of Sara learning to control it, its feeding on Sara affects her more and more over time. Or, the visions and dreams ramp up into full-blown paranoia and/or disassociation. The Witchblade's POV, maybe (it is sentient)? Asking for help is the hardest thing for someone like Sara, but what are (more than) friends for? I’d also enjoy a dubcon scenario where Sara really shouldn’t be having sex when her head is all messed up by the Witchblade’s influence, but… well… they do. The Witchblade canonically enjoys violence and bloodshed perpetrated by its wearers, so it stands to reason that it might lower other inhibitions too.
-Witchblade v. mythological monsters. In S1, even with everything else that's going on, Sara absolutely scoffs at the possibility of vampires. So of course I want: Witchblade v. vampires! The scarier and more feral, the better. Or, it's implied that the Witchblade was forged from a meteorite, so it's basically an eldritch artefact from outer space. Yes, please lean all the way into the Lovecraftian tropes! (The moon is turning red, the Old Ones are back, it’s the end of the world as we know it, but Sara’s got her partner by her side.) Or something from Chinese mythology, so Danny can kick extra ass. Or, for a silly take on Chinese culture: Sara and Danny in the world of Big Trouble in Little China (another old fave of mine, the entire plot of which revolves around… a woman with green eyes and an unwanted connection to the supernatural).
-The Witchblade has a reputation for abandoning its wearers just when they need it the most. True to form, it slips off of Sara’s fist, leaving her and Danny to save themselves with good old-fashioned guns, fisticuffs, martial arts, and of course having each other’s back.
-More of the psychedelic-ness in many of Sara’s fight scenes, where now she’s a woman in a leather jacket with a gauntlet on her arm, now she’s a knight in armor! Now her opponent is human, now he’s a wolf-shaped spirit of evil and hatred! Playing around with the characters’ senses and perceptions – yes!
-Instead of seeing only Danny and needing him to play intermediary for Sara to talk to other ghosts, the Witchblade makes Sara see ghosts all over the place, and it's getting to her. Ghost!Danny may or may not help with that. Or, ghost!Danny is basically always around, whether Sara can see him or not. He manifests when Sara is masturbating, and you can't really feel guilty if the ghost of your dead partner whom you’ve always had a thing for helps you out, and anyway you’re probably going crazy and none of this is real, so it doesn’t count anyway... right?
-Case fic/stakeouts and banter. Flirting/ribbing/joshing to pass the long and stressful days at work.
-Quick and guilty sex because Danny's married. Slow and intense sex if handwave he's not married but “oh noes we’re partners, we shouldn’t be doing this, but somehow we keep doing it anyway.” Hooking up in the car. I've always headcanoned that they had a thing pre-canon which ended for Reasons, but they both kinda wish it hadn't, hence the hand kissing, and the “I can’t even touch you,” and the coffee bringing/stealing, etc. So feel free to play around with that.
-Undercover as married, undercover as a gangster and his moll (LOL at Sara as a moll, or have Sara as the gangster and Danny as her arm candy), undercover as “they think we’re fucking, better fake it real good for the people listening in, oops shit got real fast, careful don’t say each other’s real name or you’ll blow your cover.”
-More timey-wimey shenanigans with the Witchblade. Maybe it allows Sara to manipulate time more than once. Maybe she starts doing it way too often, throwing the continuum out of whack (something non-linear would be very interesting). Maybe she and/or Danny remember some or all of what happened in S1. Something about all the multiverse versions of them, possibly splitting off from a dramatic moment. Time loops and feelings are a combustible mix.
-Apart from the pretty obvious shippiness, what I like about S1 especially is how Sara rolls with the weirdness the Witchblade has brought into her life, instead of reaching for rational explanations. More of that (I can't think of a better way to put it), and double extra brownie points if alive!Danny figures out at least some of what's going on with Sara's bracelet and somehow gets in on the action. Maybe a Danny saves the day divergence? Or how about a loophole that allows a man close to the Witchblade's wearer to wield it temporarily, but There Is a Price to Pay.
Бeсa ǀ Besa (TV)
Dardan Berisha/Petrit Koci
Skënder Berisha & Petrit Koci
Teuta Berisha/Petrit Koci
Divna Dukić/Petrit Koci
Petrit Koci/Marija Perić
Petrit Koci/Uroš Perić
My longest of long-shot requests! If you already know and like this canon, yeeees come sit with me. If you don’t know it, here’s a quick intro: this is a crime drama, one 12-episode season so far, produced in Serbia and created by Tony Jordan of “Hustle” fame. Set in (and with a cast including actors from) several ex-Yugoslav states, the story follows three main characters: a Serbian family man and regular joe who accidentally kills the daughter of a major Kosovar Albanian crime boss in a car accident; said Albanian crime boss who coerces his daughter’s unwitting killer to start working for him as an assassin; and a half-Albanian, half-Serbian Interpol agent (Petrit Koci) who’s after the crime boss but starts investigating the regular joe turned assassin as well.
The show has a twisty plot, gritty and handsome visuals, excellent performances, and a great through-line of deconstructing Balkan machismo and patriarchal culture. All three of the main characters have an image of themselves as MEN who Provide and/or Take Care of Business and Put Family First, each in their own way, and all three end up compromising on all their principles by season’s end. The women in the show’s ‘verse sometimes become collateral damage but also assert themselves in unexpected ways, which is great. The title refers to the Albanian (but more broadly, Balkan) cultural concept that one’s promise/vow/word of honor has to be kept and carried out no matter what, at peril of losing face, dishonoring both oneself and one’s family, even death. This gets deconstructed five ways from Sunday too, and it is awesome.
If you glance at the pairings I’m requesting, I think you can guess who my favorite character is. :-) Koci is so committed to being the “good sheriff” and carrying out his professional duty regardless of whom he has to piss off along the way, but is also often quite ineffectual because the local police forces with which he has to cooperate tend to resent both his attitude and his ethnic background – not to mention that when everyone’s corrupt and compromised, the man who refuses to play the game makes lots of enemies. He’s also a real hard-ass who made a conscious choice long ago to have nothing in his life but his work, is a bit of a bastard, has a huge blind spot about gender which comes back to bite him, and ultimately is driven by a desire for personal vendetta more than an abstract commitment to justice (I love a character who is super focused on their goal and presents themselves as invulnerable, yet whose insecurities and traumas are always just beneath the surface of what drives them). And yes, by the end of the season he’s presented with a Faustian bargain and gets a huge target on his back. There’s a lot to unpack there!
I will eat up any local color you want to throw in. Ditto, the canon is super intense, but if you find a way to bring in some vintage Balkan pitch-black humor, I’m here for it. If you wanted to include some dialogue or phrases or hey write the whole fic in any variation of what used to be called Serbo-Croatian, I’m here for that with bells on! (Unless you’re writing smut – I just can’t with E-rated prose in Slavic languages, sorry.) Alas, I do not read Albanian, but if you want to include dialogue/phrases in it, go for it, so long as you tell me (in parentheses, in footnotes, whatever works) what’s going on.
Canon-specific DNW: soapboxing about Balkan history/conflicts/ethnic relations (the characters can clash about this, use stereotypes, etc. – I just don’t want the fic to be an excuse for the writer’s hot takes, ‘kay?)
Exceptions to blanket DNWs: RL current events being mentioned + dubcon *but* for M/F ships I want both characters to be motivated by anger/revenge/general existential bleakness/whathaveyou instead of or as well as lust, so just no M/f dubcon, please!
Prompts:
-Any of my requested pairings in any kind of casefic, either a divergence, something pre- or post-canon, or a side investigation spinning off from the canon’s central plot. Anything that requires Koci to again traipse all over former Yugoslavia, butt heads with everyone, interrogate people, and do that soft-spoken “you don’t want to give me what I want but you’ll do it anyway” thing he does along the way.
-Something that requires Koci to use his knowledge of Albanian language and culture even more than in canon. I love how the canon depicts the existential discomfort of never fully fitting into – or being accepted by – either of the cultures/communities to which one has a connection, and how a person can become antagonistic and volatile as a result. Leaning into that would be wonderful.
-Koci has devoted his whole life to bringing down the Berisha clan. With the help or hindrance of any of the other requested characters, he finally gets his wish. Now what?
-Maybe the other character has to turn to Interpol for help/becomes a material witness/gets arrested/enters witness protection, or otherwise has to do teeth-clenched teamwork with Koci. For / pairings, the shippiness doesn’t have to be overt -- antagonism, barely finding common ground, something that reads more like gen or shippy gen than explicit shippiness is fine! If the relationship turns porny, the antagonism (I keep using that word because it fits!) and complicated dynamics and maybe a reluctant recognition that they’re not so different would perpetuate themselves in the porn too, and I’m here for it.
-A few words about the other characters and how they (could) fit with Koci:
Uroš Perić – the regular joe turned assassin, who gets multiple chances in the course of the show to seek Koci’s help and doesn’t because he gets in deep and wants to be the guy that protects his family and takes care of everything himself. I keep thinking back to their very first scene, when Koci gives Perić his calling card and tells him to get in touch, and Perić could have done that before he committed his first murder but… didn’t. And then at the end, there’s that huge spoiler setting up S2. Despite becoming a murderer several times over, Perić is a much softer character than Koci, but he doesn’t like getting pushed around either. How would they work together, how would they clash?
Marija Perić – Uroš’s Croatian wife, who has the thankless role of being married to the guy who’s keeping her in the dark about major plot developments, but makes up for it with how she reacts to the hints she gets of Uroš’s continuing troubles as well as getting on Koci’s radar. She’s scared and out of her depth, but she’s also angry and, yep, antagonistic when she thinks Interpol is harassing her for no reason. I love the scene where Koci interrogates her and she lashes out and won’t give him an inch even when he blindsides her with evidence of her husband’s activities – more of that kind of thing, please! Or what if she decided to protect herself and her kids by cooperating with Interpol, or maybe thought she could help Uroš by turning on him?
Divna Dukić – Koci’s Interpol colleague and maybe the only character that likes him. Their dynamic is both very professionally respectful and yet… “flirtatious” may be too strong a word. They pretty obviously have a little thing for each other but choose not to act on it for a whole mess of reasons (he’s an emotional disaster area, she has enough on her plate as a single mom with a shitty ex, they work together). Also, I have a theory that Divna, while seeming loyal, may take her marching orders from one of the criminal elements or maybe from the more corrupt parts of Interpol or the Serbian police. I would love any or all of that to get explored more.
Dardan Berisha – the grieving crime boss and main target of Koci’s obsession (even though it was actually Dardan’s old uncle Skënder who had Koci’s father killed decades earlier). They’re both such hard, intense men, in part because they’ve had to be, and the narrative sets them up as mirror images of each other (while Uroš Perić is more a study in how someone becomes hard when circumstances push them to it). Yet while their conflict underpins the whole show, they rarely share a scene. Put them together more; let them fight or y’know *waggles eyebrows*.
Teuta Berisha – Dardan’s wife, who first loses her daughter, and by the end of the season her family is totally blown to smithereens, in part because of how she chooses to assert her agency within the super-patriarchal context in which she lives. She was ambivalent about her marriage before we meet her, and I love how canon events bring out her anger, grief, and quiet steeliness. Also, that moment at her daughter’s funeral when Koci gives her his condolences really hit me – they know they are enemies, but there’s that moment of standoffish respect between them. What if somehow they had to work together? Or what if she took over as the head of either the Berisha or the Sokoli clan (or both!)? A divergence from the end or any part of S1 would be very welcome.
Skënder Berisha -- Dardan’s uncle who still wields enormous influence in the Berisha clan and was behind the assassination of Koci’s father decades earlier. I only want this as a & pairing, but the character dynamic is still one of difficult shared history, knee-jerk antagonism, goading humor, not being at all intimidated by each other, and yet recognizing something familiar in each other. One of my favorite scenes from the whole show is their conversation at the hospital, in which they cover both present troubles and the past. Skënder is one of the few characters who can and does consistently run rings around Koci, and I want more of that as much as I want the tables turned.
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Days On Market: Do’s And Dont’s
TorontoRealtyBlog
Oh wow, am I ever having a flashback to childhood.
Do any of you know where I’m going with this one? If the title of today’s blog post is any indication, you might recall:
“Don’t do as Donny Don’t does.”
Remember that line from The Simpsons?
Even as a child, I knew that the writers of this show were including just enough cerebral humour and jokes geared towards adults to keep them from turning the channel when their kids were watching.
Confusing, but funny.
So goes today’s blog title, although many of the readers will not find the antics pertaining to days on market all that humourous.
What are days on market?
Simply put, it’s how long a property has been listed for on MLS. We abbreviate as “DOM” sometimes, and yet expect everybody to automatically know what this means. DOM is a statistic that, like many others, has been losing meaning over the last few years. “Sale-to-List ratio” is yet another example, and we have explored this at length before.
Have we ever had a dedicated blog post about DOM? I don’t think so.
And yet I do believe we’re at the point where one is necessary.
So today, I’ll explain some of the current issues with the days on market statistic, specifically how the stat is used, and I’ll ask a series of questions. For those of you that are in the market, or have been recently, and/or those MLS junkies who have their own thoughts and opinions about how things should be done, please feel free to answer the questions as you see fit.
As mentioned in a blog post two weeks ago, a reader emailed me out of frustration and told me that agents were starting to utilize a new technique that allowed them to increase their personal stats: sell a property, and then simply terminate the listing, and re-list new, hence showing zero DOM.
She emailed me the property she was talking about, and it was already on my radar. I had seen this before a few times that week already with other listings.
The major issue we have with DOM is also linked to the issue with “new listings” on MLS, and it has the ability to undermine the integrity of the statistics that the Toronto Real Estate Board publishes. If a property at 789 Smith Street is listed for sale on January 1st, and sits on the market, unsold, for 42 days before it is terminated, and re-listed on February 11th, then not only do the days on market start over at zero, but the listing counts as a “new listing” when it’s not.
Question #1: Should DOM continue to run on MLS with a property, regardless of re-listing?
Answer as you see fit, but this, of course, opens up other doors that we must walk through.
Let’s say that you would argue DOM should act as an easement, which is to say that it “runs with the property.”
In that case noted above, once the property is re-listed, the next day will show as the 43rd day, not the 1st.
But there are several “what if” scenarios.
Question #1a: What if the price has been changed?
Is it really fair to continue the DOM if the price has been changed?
Let’s say that 789 Smith Street was listed for sale on January 1st at $1,199,900, and it was terminated after 42 days as described above. The property was then re-listed at $1,149,900.
Should DOM start over?
The argument for the “no” side would be that it’s unfair to attribute 43 “days on market” to that listing, at $1,149,900, because it surmises that the property has been for sale that long at that price. The consumers might be confused, or led to believe something other than what is fact.
The argument for the “yes” side would be that the property is still for sale, and DOM is merely counting “days on market,” regardless of price.
You decide.
Now another nugget:
Question #1b: What if the listing brokerage has changed?
Do we look at “DOM” in terms of the property, or the listing agent?
Do whom, or what, are we applauding or chastising when DOM is low or high?
From the brokerage perspective, it would be entirely unfair to continue the days on market when a new and different agent takes over the listing. If John Smith of Re/Max has the property listed at $1,199,900 from January 1st to February 11th, the listing is cancelled, and the property is then re-listed with Jane Jones of Royal LePage, then should Jane really “inherit” those days on market?
Perhaps the consumers will say, “I don’t care. Agent statistics are not my concern, and the integrity of the listing and thus the MLS system should come first and foremost.”
I’m inclined to agree, as a consumer. But I would disagree as a broker, and I can see a middle ground here. TREB has, finally, developed a very simple “History” button on our own internal MLS system that allows users to click and have a new browser window open with the entire history of htat property. Would TREB allow something like that for consumers? Haha, that was rhetorical. They never would. That would be way too helpful, after all.
But buyer agents can run searches, and they should be educating their buyers. It’s very easy to email, or send multiple listings, and say, “This has been on the market for 2 days, but was previously listed with another company for 43 days.”
Now what if an agent simply wants to “re-start” the DOM?
You know what I mean, right?
The agent wakes up one morning, sun shining, birds chirping, let out a big yawn with an accompanying stretch and say, “You know what? I don’t like how the DOM are piling up for 789 Smith Street. I think I’m going to refresh that listing.”
Refresh, re-start, recharge, re-do, whatever you want to call it, we know it looks something like this:
Here’s an example from this week where the property was re-listed for the same price, by the same listing brokerage (not shown).
So is there any difference between these two listings?
No. There is not. Same property, same price, same listing brokerage, and yet different “days on market.”
Question #2: Should a listing agent be able to re-list for the same price, and re-start the DOM?
I think this is a spot where most of you will agree the answer is “no,” and personally, I wouldn’t disagree.
This is a blatant end-around the integrity of DOM, and completely undermines what it is, and how it is supposed to help guide consumers.
For all intents and purposes, this house is now on its 27th day on market, no questions asked, no debate. And yet here we see the listing on day zero.
So shall we outlaw this practice? Most certainly!
But then it merely encourages agents to re-list at $1 lower, and we start to play games once again.
On the front of agents’ MLS home pages they all have a customized feature called “Today’s Listings,” as seen here:
I live in this box, really, and truly.
I click those links dozens of times every day, maybe into the hundreds. It’s how I choose to monitor market activity and new listings, and I check every single night at 11:50pm before the new listings reset.
So what are the “updated” listings, you ask?
Those are listings that have been altered in any way. You’d like to think that this reflects price changes (or increases…), removal of “offer dates,” or more important matters. But agents know how to manipulate listings to ensure their listings show up in the “Updated Listings” section, often by simply inserting a single comma into the text section.
My point is that if we were to outlaw the practice of re-listing at the same price, with the same agent, to try to “re-start” the days on market to zero, I believe that agents would think outside the box in that regard, just as they already do with respect to Updates.
Moving on, how do the days on market work with regards to a conditional sale?
Well, if you list a property on January 1st, and the property is sold conditionally on January 10th, but the waivers aren’t all completed until January 20th, how long is the property on the market?
You would argue that the property is on the market for 19 days. Technically 20, but MLS has this notion of “zero days on market,” as we know. Semantics…
When it comes time to input the actual “sale date,” there is a grey area.
Some might believe the property was “sold” on January 10th, and some might believe it was “sold” on January 20th.
And guess what? It’s up to the user to decide. I have add/edit capabilities on MLS, so I can do as I please. See:
Many brokerages have an administrator do this, and many allow their agents to do so.
Bottom line: the actual “sold date” is a grey area, and that affects the days on market.
Question #3: Should ‘days on market’ reflect the total days before a firm sale, or only up to the conditional sale?
The easiest answer is, “A sale is a sale. Use the first date, and as a result, the days on market will be an unintended benefit.”
Okay, sure. But what if the property is sold conditionally on January 10th, then the waivers are due on January 20th but the deal falls through. Then the property is re-sold on January 31st, firm? Wouldn’t that throw the previous methodology out the window? You simply can’t have it both ways.
And for those agents who do believe that the “sold date” is the date on the offer, which date on the offer is that?
a) The offer date b) The date the confirmation of acceptance is signed
An offer written on January 10th might not be formally accepted, conditional or unconditional, until January 12th if there are sign-backs. So in the case where an agent argues the “sold date” should reflect when the property was first sold, ie. conditionally or unconditionally, they might still choose from two dates.
–
As with anything a prospective real estate buyer may see on MLS, whether it’s functionality of the site, layout of the listings, features (or lack thereof), or metrics and/or statistics, there are going to be differences in opinion with respect to what should and shouldn’t be done. We can always build a better mousetrap, and we can also agree that the forces of good and evil will always intersect among the agent community.
I don’t believe that a statistic or a metric has a purpose if it cannot be, a) properly defined, b) properly implemented, c) protected from misuse.
When it comes to the days on market metric, we don’t really know how to define it, we certainly haven’t implemented any standards, and clearly the metric has been misused.
This isn’t quite as bad as reporting sales at $1 back when agents and sellers were rebelling against the Competition Bureau’s ruling that forced TREB to share sale data, but I’m in favour of cleaning up any misuse on the MLS system.
Personally, I think Question #2 proposed above has the simplest answer, but again, there’s also a work-around for those agents who don’t agree.
I welcome your two cents on the matter, if you can spare the change…
The post Days On Market: Do’s And Dont’s appeared first on Toronto Realty Blog.
Originated from https://ift.tt/2YpQNV3
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Days On Market: Do’s And Dont’s
TorontoRealtyBlog
Oh wow, am I ever having a flashback to childhood.
Do any of you know where I’m going with this one? If the title of today’s blog post is any indication, you might recall:
“Don’t do as Donny Don’t does.”
Remember that line from The Simpsons?
Even as a child, I knew that the writers of this show were including just enough cerebral humour and jokes geared towards adults to keep them from turning the channel when their kids were watching.
Confusing, but funny.
So goes today’s blog title, although many of the readers will not find the antics pertaining to days on market all that humourous.
What are days on market?
Simply put, it’s how long a property has been listed for on MLS. We abbreviate as “DOM” sometimes, and yet expect everybody to automatically know what this means. DOM is a statistic that, like many others, has been losing meaning over the last few years. “Sale-to-List ratio” is yet another example, and we have explored this at length before.
Have we ever had a dedicated blog post about DOM? I don’t think so.
And yet I do believe we’re at the point where one is necessary.
So today, I’ll explain some of the current issues with the days on market statistic, specifically how the stat is used, and I’ll ask a series of questions. For those of you that are in the market, or have been recently, and/or those MLS junkies who have their own thoughts and opinions about how things should be done, please feel free to answer the questions as you see fit.
As mentioned in a blog post two weeks ago, a reader emailed me out of frustration and told me that agents were starting to utilize a new technique that allowed them to increase their personal stats: sell a property, and then simply terminate the listing, and re-list new, hence showing zero DOM.
She emailed me the property she was talking about, and it was already on my radar. I had seen this before a few times that week already with other listings.
The major issue we have with DOM is also linked to the issue with “new listings” on MLS, and it has the ability to undermine the integrity of the statistics that the Toronto Real Estate Board publishes. If a property at 789 Smith Street is listed for sale on January 1st, and sits on the market, unsold, for 42 days before it is terminated, and re-listed on February 11th, then not only do the days on market start over at zero, but the listing counts as a “new listing” when it’s not.
Question #1: Should DOM continue to run on MLS with a property, regardless of re-listing?
Answer as you see fit, but this, of course, opens up other doors that we must walk through.
Let’s say that you would argue DOM should act as an easement, which is to say that it “runs with the property.”
In that case noted above, once the property is re-listed, the next day will show as the 43rd day, not the 1st.
But there are several “what if” scenarios.
Question #1a: What if the price has been changed?
Is it really fair to continue the DOM if the price has been changed?
Let’s say that 789 Smith Street was listed for sale on January 1st at $1,199,900, and it was terminated after 42 days as described above. The property was then re-listed at $1,149,900.
Should DOM start over?
The argument for the “no” side would be that it’s unfair to attribute 43 “days on market” to that listing, at $1,149,900, because it surmises that the property has been for sale that long at that price. The consumers might be confused, or led to believe something other than what is fact.
The argument for the “yes” side would be that the property is still for sale, and DOM is merely counting “days on market,” regardless of price.
You decide.
Now another nugget:
Question #1b: What if the listing brokerage has changed?
Do we look at “DOM” in terms of the property, or the listing agent?
Do whom, or what, are we applauding or chastising when DOM is low or high?
From the brokerage perspective, it would be entirely unfair to continue the days on market when a new and different agent takes over the listing. If John Smith of Re/Max has the property listed at $1,199,900 from January 1st to February 11th, the listing is cancelled, and the property is then re-listed with Jane Jones of Royal LePage, then should Jane really “inherit” those days on market?
Perhaps the consumers will say, “I don’t care. Agent statistics are not my concern, and the integrity of the listing and thus the MLS system should come first and foremost.”
I’m inclined to agree, as a consumer. But I would disagree as a broker, and I can see a middle ground here. TREB has, finally, developed a very simple “History” button on our own internal MLS system that allows users to click and have a new browser window open with the entire history of htat property. Would TREB allow something like that for consumers? Haha, that was rhetorical. They never would. That would be way too helpful, after all.
But buyer agents can run searches, and they should be educating their buyers. It’s very easy to email, or send multiple listings, and say, “This has been on the market for 2 days, but was previously listed with another company for 43 days.”
Now what if an agent simply wants to “re-start” the DOM?
You know what I mean, right?
The agent wakes up one morning, sun shining, birds chirping, let out a big yawn with an accompanying stretch and say, “You know what? I don’t like how the DOM are piling up for 789 Smith Street. I think I’m going to refresh that listing.”
Refresh, re-start, recharge, re-do, whatever you want to call it, we know it looks something like this:
Here’s an example from this week where the property was re-listed for the same price, by the same listing brokerage (not shown).
So is there any difference between these two listings?
No. There is not. Same property, same price, same listing brokerage, and yet different “days on market.”
Question #2: Should a listing agent be able to re-list for the same price, and re-start the DOM?
I think this is a spot where most of you will agree the answer is “no,” and personally, I wouldn’t disagree.
This is a blatant end-around the integrity of DOM, and completely undermines what it is, and how it is supposed to help guide consumers.
For all intents and purposes, this house is now on its 27th day on market, no questions asked, no debate. And yet here we see the listing on day zero.
So shall we outlaw this practice? Most certainly!
But then it merely encourages agents to re-list at $1 lower, and we start to play games once again.
On the front of agents’ MLS home pages they all have a customized feature called “Today’s Listings,” as seen here:
I live in this box, really, and truly.
I click those links dozens of times every day, maybe into the hundreds. It’s how I choose to monitor market activity and new listings, and I check every single night at 11:50pm before the new listings reset.
So what are the “updated” listings, you ask?
Those are listings that have been altered in any way. You’d like to think that this reflects price changes (or increases…), removal of “offer dates,” or more important matters. But agents know how to manipulate listings to ensure their listings show up in the “Updated Listings” section, often by simply inserting a single comma into the text section.
My point is that if we were to outlaw the practice of re-listing at the same price, with the same agent, to try to “re-start” the days on market to zero, I believe that agents would think outside the box in that regard, just as they already do with respect to Updates.
Moving on, how do the days on market work with regards to a conditional sale?
Well, if you list a property on January 1st, and the property is sold conditionally on January 10th, but the waivers aren’t all completed until January 20th, how long is the property on the market?
You would argue that the property is on the market for 19 days. Technically 20, but MLS has this notion of “zero days on market,” as we know. Semantics…
When it comes time to input the actual “sale date,” there is a grey area.
Some might believe the property was “sold” on January 10th, and some might believe it was “sold” on January 20th.
And guess what? It’s up to the user to decide. I have add/edit capabilities on MLS, so I can do as I please. See:
Many brokerages have an administrator do this, and many allow their agents to do so.
Bottom line: the actual “sold date” is a grey area, and that affects the days on market.
Question #3: Should ‘days on market’ reflect the total days before a firm sale, or only up to the conditional sale?
The easiest answer is, “A sale is a sale. Use the first date, and as a result, the days on market will be an unintended benefit.”
Okay, sure. But what if the property is sold conditionally on January 10th, then the waivers are due on January 20th but the deal falls through. Then the property is re-sold on January 31st, firm? Wouldn’t that throw the previous methodology out the window? You simply can’t have it both ways.
And for those agents who do believe that the “sold date” is the date on the offer, which date on the offer is that?
a) The offer date b) The date the confirmation of acceptance is signed
An offer written on January 10th might not be formally accepted, conditional or unconditional, until January 12th if there are sign-backs. So in the case where an agent argues the “sold date” should reflect when the property was first sold, ie. conditionally or unconditionally, they might still choose from two dates.
–
As with anything a prospective real estate buyer may see on MLS, whether it’s functionality of the site, layout of the listings, features (or lack thereof), or metrics and/or statistics, there are going to be differences in opinion with respect to what should and shouldn’t be done. We can always build a better mousetrap, and we can also agree that the forces of good and evil will always intersect among the agent community.
I don’t believe that a statistic or a metric has a purpose if it cannot be, a) properly defined, b) properly implemented, c) protected from misuse.
When it comes to the days on market metric, we don’t really know how to define it, we certainly haven’t implemented any standards, and clearly the metric has been misused.
This isn’t quite as bad as reporting sales at $1 back when agents and sellers were rebelling against the Competition Bureau’s ruling that forced TREB to share sale data, but I’m in favour of cleaning up any misuse on the MLS system.
Personally, I think Question #2 proposed above has the simplest answer, but again, there’s also a work-around for those agents who don’t agree.
I welcome your two cents on the matter, if you can spare the change…
The post Days On Market: Do’s And Dont’s appeared first on Toronto Realty Blog.
Originated from https://ift.tt/2YpQNV3
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