#but the least Marc can do is try to help/pass on his knowledge (even if it’s cautionary words about how this is a choice | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

damienthepious · 4 years ago

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happy 100th fic my lovelies hey cheers bless i’m definitely not crying

On and On and On Again (If My Chest Don’t Cave In)

[ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Lord Arum, Sir Damien, Rilla

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Established Relationship, Long-Term Relationship(s), Tenderness, The Passing of Time, (which nearly features as a character in this), (olala MENTIONED but only really a cameo)

Summary: It's only a matter of time, Arum thinks. Again, and again, and again. It is only a matter of time.

Notes: Hey. This is, technically speaking, my hundredth fic on ao3. Seemed like an appropriate one, for that. I love you? I love you. I hope you can find some gentleness. I hope my sappiness makes you smile, just a little. Title from the song Rounds, by The Oh Hellos, because their four winds series is the only thing i listened to while writing this.

It cannot last, Arum thinks.

It cannot last. It's only a matter of time, only a ticking clock before this thing they are trying breaks beneath them and Arum is left alone again. Left worse off, even, than when he began, for the knew knowledge of what he will inevitably lack.

He endeavors not to let on to these thoughts, when he is with Damien and Amaryllis in truth. It will only speed the process, he thinks, and despite himself he cannot bear the idea of being the one to chase the nervous joy from Damien's expression, or the delight and curiosity from Amaryllis'.

Arum is the one who pressed Sir Damien into it, after all. He will realize his error soon enough, likely, but it is Arum who pressed him to try and he does not wish to be the one to press him out of it. Not yet.

It makes him feel greedy. That racing clock above his head, an unknown and unknowable breaking point past which he will no longer be able to learn these creatures, to spend time with them, to reach out a hand and have them reach back. He stifles these feelings too, with less reliable conviction. The urge to pull them closer is so much more intoxicating than the urge to push them away.

He is allowed much more time with them than he would otherwise be, in those first few weeks after the Terminus. The excuse of both of their injuries and the celebration in the Citadel of this new victory (as they call it, as if in their optimism they can transform barely-averted destruction into a glory instead) mean that they are easily able to excuse themselves from duty to convalesce.

He is grateful for that. Quietly.

He may argue with Amaryllis for as long as he desires, he may test to see how close Sir Damien will allow him, he may watch the way they slot together and marvel at how impossible it seems, now, that he did not know that they were two twined beings the moment he met them. Amaryllis calms Damien, with little touches, with bars of song, with gentle looks and smiles, and she looks at Damien with such warmth, is engrossed with his stories and poems even when she has clearly heard them before, and they-

They love each other. They are right together. And when they turn towards Arum and lift their hands, when they invite his cool scales against their warm bodies, when Damien gives a tentative smile and Amaryllis kisses him, he feels the desire flash and boil in his center, the greedy longing to be a part of their affection.

For the moment, however short it may be.

He will not allow himself to become too comfortable with this arrangement, he decides. It is only a matter of time until it will end.

It cannot last, which is why the first time they tell him that they love him, Arum panics.

(He loves them. He suspects that he loved Amaryllis when he first shoved her out the door. It would be foolish to say that he loved Sir Damien after only two duels and a threat to his life, but- he wanted to, at least, even then. Now, now he is certain that he loves them. He has only failed to tell them because-)

It cannot last, and love is- love has a ring of permanence, and Arum cannot trust- cannot believe-

He calms down, with a little time. A little time, and perhaps a degree of prompting and soothing, and- well. If it is only a matter of time before it ends, then he should not waste the time he has, should he?

Sir Damien looks so relieved when Arum tells them that he loves them. Amaryllis smiles, in that small, soft, rare sort of way. They are so happy, and he loves them too much to begrudge them that, to begrudge them their delight in the way he is pulling pieces of himself out, fully knowing that when this is all over, when they leave, they will take those pieces with them.

Arum has always possessed a certain degree of self-destruction.

He will hold them while he can, love them while they love him in return, and when it is over he will take whatever hurt that comes.

It cannot last. It cannot last. It cannot last, and Arum is more convinced by the day that he is nearing the end.

Damien is maudlin and still and silent in a way that makes Arum's heart fill with ice, with terror, and Amaryllis is busy and easily frustrated and does not seem to smile so much anymore, and Arum loves them and neither of them even seem to look at him, anymore.

Arum is making things worse. Almost deliberately, now. If Damien is hiding something, then Arum need not speak to him, either. If Amaryllis wishes to take his talents and his supplies and his welcome for granted... well, then she is welcome to do so, he supposes. He feels foolish, feels like he may as well be screaming at them to simply notice him, and not a bit of it is doing any good, anyway. He hasn't the first clue how to make this work, and it is obvious in a way that stings that he is the weak strut in their construction. A failure. This relationship is a failure, and he is the one who failed it.

He sighs, and sags, and fills himself with fury to drown out the fear and hurt. It was always going to be a matter of time, and it is only a small heartbreak that their time together was so short.

(So terribly short. Barely settled into comfort before their attention began to drift, before they seemed to bore of him, before the brightness of their own connection seemed to overshadow any chance Arum had at keeping them-)

It is almost a relief when Sir Marc comes to interrupt them. He can take some guilty, spiteful joy at Amaryllis' fury, if nothing else, and it will be good for Arum to have some creature to pay his attention to besides his Keep and his theoretical lovers.

He is fond of Olala the moment he meets her. Not, of course, that he would share that.

The hatchling stirs his sympathies, this little monster pretending to be human- he understands her. Understands the desperate desire to be wanted, to be a part of something. He admires her brightness, her bravery, her attentive desire to learn-

Rather. He thought he understood her.

Little childling, braver than she should need to be, summoning whatever protective instincts Arum possesses, and Damien nearly seems to glow as he guides her through her fears, talented little prattler that he is-

Prattler, and practiced knight, he reminds himself as Sir Damien carries him through the air with barely a breath of effort. Arum is not sure how he had let himself forget precisely how impressive his poet can be.

They save each other. It is almost easy, when the squabbling is left by the wayside.

They speak properly when they are home.

They speak, as perhaps they should have rather a long time ago.

He still does not have the words to explain… to explain his conviction that this will end. His conviction that Amaryllis and Damien's love for each other will outlive their love for him-

Some things can be mended. It cannot last, but if the smaller cracks can be sealed, if the shakiness can be steadied, if Amaryllis can revivify the past itself for a glimpse of hope, if Damien can utterly change the course of his life for the lessons they have learned together-

Arum can meet them there. Can try a little harder, can love them better and prove himself worthy of their efforts, their time.

It cannot last. But perhaps, together, they can make it last just a little while longer.

Amaryllis trims back her hair, and it bounces with new lightness to her shoulders when she does not tie it up, and she grins and she knows she is beautiful enough to stun he and Damien both to silence, and Arum cannot help it when he thinks, love me until it is just that long again.

Just a little longer. It cannot last. Just a little longer.

Arum blinks, and the way they have twined with his life suddenly blares like a horn.

Amaryllis keeps a tin of his meditative tea always stocked in her pantry, and she sets the water to boil when she hears the Keep sing as it pulls the portal open for him to come join her. Damien will converse with his Keep for hours, and he only needs Arum to translate the more complex ideas these days. Amaryllis' books are scattered among his own, alongside collections of poetry Damien has acquired, or penned himself. The macrachnids scuttle and squall in delight when the humans pay them attention, affectionate scratching and chasing games and, of course, no treats whatsoever.

Arum knows how Amaryllis prefers her eggs to be cooked, knows the flowers that make Damien sneeze, knows how Amaryllis tugs on her hair when she is too tired to think not to, knows the tone in Damien's voice that means he is spiraling towards panic, knows how to tell Amaryllis with a glance, knows the words to say and the songs to sing to help ease him back down.

They have fit themselves into each others lives, just as neatly and gently as they fit into each others arms.

He cannot bear the thought of how hard it will be, to tear up all these roots. It is only a matter of time until he will need to, after all.

He curls his hand around Amaryllis', draws it to his mouth, bites gently at her knuckles to make her cackle and smack his shoulder.

A little longer still, he thinks. A little longer. Another day, another week-

A little longer they will love him, and the months wend slowly by.

Arum knows what will come for him, eventually: the pain of inevitable parting, the end of this interlude. He knows. So he cannot possibly explain why it is that when he wakes just as the sun is rising, and the light crests the bedroom like a tide of honey, and Amaryllis scrunches her sleeping face and slaps a hand through the air, and Damien blinks lazily and smiles into the gold as if he can feel it to his heart-

Arum cannot possibly explain why the only thought in his mind is, I want only this, forever.

He does not catch himself until much later in the day, after they have both left the Keep, Damien to go meet with Sir Angelo and Amaryllis to fulfill an appointment with a patient too infirm to meet her at the hut. He remembers the morning and his heart thrums like something out of Damien's poetry, and then-

The specter of forever looms.

An impossible dream, and one that Arum had thought himself well-inoculated against. It cannot last like a mantra, a certainty he has been telling himself for years now.

For... for years, now.

Something within him goes utterly still.

Certainly, certainly that cannot mean anything beyond the fact that he has been loving on borrowed time for far longer than he deserves. It cannot mean anything else, of course. It cannot last. They cannot last, it is only a matter of time before-

When Arum murmurs honeysuckle into the skin behind Damien's ear, he can hear the way the poet's heart skips, every single time. When Amaryllis writes with ink rather than using her recorder she will always, always forget her quill and stain her fingers and the point of her chin with the ink, forgetting to mind the nib.

Arum has been hoarding these memories with the fervor of a starving creature, certain that they would, someday, be the only thing he has left.

He has been hoarding them, piece by shining piece, for years now, and each and every moment feels woven into his fabric. He loves them. He has loved them. He will love them forever, even if they will not be together forever.

It cannot last, but Arum will give them as much of himself as they desire, for as long as they desire.

"Saints I could marry you," Amaryllis says with a fond laugh, and Arum's next complaint about the effects of the recent drought goes sympathetically dry on his tongue.

She laughs, her cheeks dark and hot, one hand pressing over her mouth as Damien looks at her with a love that buzzes in the air, and Arum feels the idea of forever pulsing at his center. Forever, forever, for all of time, if you will have me-

Arum takes their hands, and he drops to his knees.

The gray at Damien's temples is so beautiful, so fascinating. He falls in love again, falls in love with the way the lines of Amaryllis' face change with the curve of her smile, falls in love with every little evidence of the passing time they wear with such grace.

He could fall in love with time, when it sings so sweetly between all three of them. He could fall in love with it, perhaps, could forget the blade that it holds over his head, could love it for the sake of the way it touches his spouses, could love time for letting him love them anew each day, as each of them change, as they change together.

A matter of time, he thinks, and this time he smiles.

It cannot last, Arum still thinks, once in a great long while. Old habits are hard to break, especially when he expended so much effort to cultivate them in the first place. It is, he thinks softly, only a matter of time-

But that is, of course, only because everything is, in the end.

Arum cannot begrudge time, cannot fault the Universe as it meanders along its course, moving only ever forward. Arum has been spoiled with time, after all. He has been loved so much more deeply and so much more sturdily than he could have dreamed. So small and frightened a creature he once was, imagining eternity as a closed door he could not see, a locked door he was destined to run headlong into.

Someday, in some way, their love will end as all things do.

In the meantime, Arum will love, and he will be loved. He will kiss their hands, he will hold them, he will learn them every single day, and they will love.

Perhaps not forever, but for now, and for as many nows as they have left.

#elle's fanfic #the penumbra podcast #second citadel #rad bouquet #lizard kissin' tuesday #lord arum #sir damien #amaryllis of exile #on and on and on again #im big cry #actually #(listens to oh hellos and cries) (listens to oh hellos and cries) (listens to oh hellos and cries) (listens to oh hellos and cries) (li

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acefrogmonarch · 5 years ago

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My Turn 2 :)

I decided to change how I set this up. Since Tumblr uses HTML coding, I can alter other things and don’t know how to work Tumblr yet so, why not? Might as well us my knowledge from school to do something cool. Italics are in English First | Here | Third | Fourth - Ao3

Alya entered the room phone in hand ready to get Marinette's first reaction since waking up. Marinette stilled against her restraints to see who it was.

"Where's our everyday ladybug~?" Alya pulled the curtain out of the way and looked at Marinette trying to wiggle her way out of bed. Only stopping at the sound of her friend.

Alya takes in the sight of her friend, alive and well. Her panting and frantic breathing looked like she was on the edge of a panic attack. "Alya! They said 5 weeks passed, IT DiDN't RigHt??!" Forgetting her phone and taking it away from her face, Alya answered her.

"No silly, 5 weeks haven't passed." Marinette smiles softly, visibly relaxing. Alya takes the seat next to her and fixes her pillow. Taking out her phone again, Alya framed in Marinette.

"Thank goodness!" Marinette laughs softly, her eyes shut slowly. "Hey wha about dat guy." Marinette's words slurred as her adrenalin withered away.

Marinette flopped her head to look at Alya. Alya really shouldn't be recording this, it's too funny to see a delirious Marinette. "It's so peaceful Al, like, like if I died, I wouldn't notice." Marinette sounded so tired as she laid on the bed.

Stunned with new revelation Alya positioned her phone with Marinette in the background. Alya was supposed to make this a video for her parents. A small smile appeared on Marinette's face as she saw Alya's phone. "Oh hey there." Alya couldn't help but laugh as Marinette tried her hardest to wave with her restraints on.

"Whelp, there you have it. Our everyday ladybug, safe and sound." Alya gave other snippets of information for Tom and Sabine, shutting her phone off. Alya turned to Marinette, pulling the blanket up. Marinette let a small 'Thank you' as Alya pets Marinette's hair, Alya slumps in her chair.

Marinette yawns and grumbles, mumbling more incoherent sentences to Alya. Alya yawns after Marinette and couldn't help but bask in the quiet peace next to her friend. Maybe Nino was right, maybe she wasn't who she was before Lila's stories.

Alya closed her eyes as she took in the heart rate monitor. It's mechanic melody soothing her into slumber.

Nino walks in 30 minutes later to check on the pair. "Some sleepover." Nino smiles at the pair and takes out his phone, snapping a photo.

Sitting at the edge of the bed looking at the two sleeping girls. Nino heard the door open to see Adrien come into the room. He looked at Marinette, the tears began to swelling in his eyes again. Moving to the other side, Adrien held her hand, clutching it for dear life.

"Mari." Adrien dropped to his knees and held her hand against his forehead. "I'm so sorry for not being there." Adrien let the tears flow and Nino didn't say anything. After all, Adrien was the one to carry her to the Ambulance that arrived on the scene.

Marinette's parents were gone for the month for vacation. Marinette was staying with Nadja since she could take care of Manon if the chance arises. Marinette had also insisted that nothing would happen.

A day.

They weren't even gone for a day and this happened.

Some luck.

Anybody that knew Marinette sent flowers, get well cards and snacks like cookies and macarons. It filled her room up with gifts.

Nino was the one to tell Tom and Sabine, while Alya cleaned up the scene. Informing anyone that she will not be interviewing under any circumstances.

The hospital only let Adrien and Chloe enter with special privileges outside of visiting hours. Chloe and Marinette had gotten close when Lila was seating with Sabrine because Marc had transferred to the class.

The duo had brought out so much out of each other. The pair have been inseparable since; not even Hawkmoth could drive a wedge between them. Adrien ended up partnering with Max, and Nino ended up with Alya.

But that wasn't what brought them together, it was the school trip to an Aquarium a couple of months after that it sealed the deal. A little girl got scared by the shark's exhibit, Marinette had tried to calm her down and told her that the glass wasn't going to break.

A boy from her class had insisted that it would break if he touched it. Inching closer to the glass while the girl screams bloody murder. Chloe had been the one to dismiss the boy's claims.

"Ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. If you think that's true, you must be outta your mind." Marinette smiled and backed up Chloe. Scolding the boy about bullying the young girl from his class.

"Maybe you like her." Marinette teased the boy, he answered by running back to his class. The trio started to giggle at the boy's antics. Marinette and Chloe escorted the little girl giving her a balloon, saying goodbye and leaving her with a smile on her face, they returned to their peers.

Talking about marine life and Marinette's nonexistent crush on her best friend Adrien. Chloe stopped Marinette as they passed a pillar, leaning over Marinette spots Lila with Mylene's arms full of her things. "Careful with the roadkill Mari."

Marinette lightly smacked Chloe's arm and went up to Lila and Mylene. Lila smirked as she spotted Marinette. "Mari! My absolute favorite how you been?" The words purred out of her, it was weird, to say the least.

"Lila, we talked about this, no more using other people when you want to." Lila grins and wraps her arms around Marinette's waist and stopped her hands from going any further than there. "Then stop me." Marinette, in turn, raises an eyebrow and escapes out of her hold. "Only you can do that yourself."

Marinette turned to Mylene and grabbed some of the items from her arms and give it to Lila. Marinette's cold smile sends a small shiver down Mylene's back. "I'm just the guide." Lila groans and rolls her eyes at Marinette. "Yeah yeah, all that bullshit, you should be glad that you have a pretty face,"

Lila whispers the last few parts but Marinette caught them nonetheless and ponders on them. "What do you mean?" Lila whips around to face Marinette and quickly refutes her claim. "Nothing!" Quickly fleeing the scene, Marinette shrugs and turns back to see Chloe and her arms crossed across her chest. "You still don't see how she's a useless lesbian around you?"

Marinette swings her head to look at Chloe, in an inquiry. "Maybe not everyone is like you Chlo. Maybe your gaydar is broken?" Chloe hums in disapproval, walking in front of her as they go back to the entrance of the shark exhibit. "And you like Adrien." Marinette pauses in her step.

"Okay, I see your point. Maybe." Marinette leaps to meet face to face with Chloe. "And that's a big maybe," Chloe simpers, and gasp at her discovery. "I may finally be right about something you're not." Chloe's fist bumps into the air and dances in place. "Yes yes yes!" Chloe stops at a cough from Marinette.

"We're still in public Dancing Queen," Chloe smirks at her. "I don't care, I am the queen of this world and they all be groveling at my feet sooner or later." Marinette rolls her eyes and slightly shakes her head. "Uh-huh, sure Queenie." Marinette holds out her hand and Chloe hooks her arm on it.

"But I am getting thirsty, could you get me a smoothie~" Marinette giggles at the way Chloe drawn-out the word 'smoothie'. "Sure Bee." Marinette leads Chloe into the couches that are wrapped around an aquarium in the middle. The bright tropical coral and fish in the middle spur her into a drive. "Take some good photos for me, and don't let Sabrina do it."

Chloe grumbles to herself. "Whatever, it's not like I need her 24/7" Marinette smiles at her friend's determination to learn how to do things herself. "That's right, but I'm getting you that smoothie!" Chloe waves behind for Marinette, her phone in hand ready to take a picture.

Adrien was standing in line with Nino. Lost in each other's conversation, Marinette didn't bother to wave. "Hey, Mari." Turning at the source calling her name, she's surprised it's Alix. "Hey, Alix." Alix skates around Marinette as they talk. "Getting a smoothie for wifey?" Marinette nods at her. "Yeah, if you want you can go bring it with her when it's done." Alix skirts to a stop next to Marinette.

"Yeah, I was planning to. Thanks by the way for the custom Heelys." Marinette beams as Alix pops the wheels back in place. "No problem, it was a lot of fun to figure out the mechanics behind them!" Alix fixes her clothes. "Chloe isn't embarrassed to be with you if that's what you're worried about." Alix looks offended.

"I'm not worried!" Marinette places a shoulder on her and squeezes in reassurance. Walking up the line, they continue their conversation. "It's okay to worry about simple things like that." Alix calms down after that and nods. "I proudly show her around my family and they seem to like her too.

She's happier with us than back at home, it's better." Marinette sees the confusion and war waging in her mind. Skipping ahead in the line, Marinette stops and looks at faces Alix. "It's not healthy for either of you but if being with your family eases you both then it's okay, for now. Eventually, she has to come to terms with her father."

Alix releases the tension in her shoulder and face. "Yeah, yeah." Standing up tall Alix pops her Heelys out and skates around. "Never a slow moment with you huh." Alix smiles. "Yeah!" A fist bump in the air and Marinette finally see why Chloe acted so unladylike earlier. "You're a good influence on her."

Alix shuffles in place, in clear thought. "Some would argue it's the opposite." Marinette shakes her head, she opens her mouth to answer but is caught off guard at the question. "What would you like?" Marinette snorts at the untimely interruption. Alix parks next to her and leans on the counter. "An orange and Kiwi smoothie." Marinette takes out her wallet and pulls out 20 euros and pays for both drinks.

Alix takes both and starts to skate off. "Good luck." Marinette smiles and waves. She stops before she's out of sight. "You too." Marinette scrunches her face in disarray. "You too?" Marinette's questions is answered as a hand touches her shoulder.

Grabbing it and twisting her body to see who touched it, she's surprised to see Adrien. "Ugh, not this again." Adrien tilts his head at her demise. "Nothing heart-breaker." Adrien becomes more confused and Marinette laughs at his predicament. "I think people still think I'm still 'heartbroken' from you"

Marinette quotes herself at 'heartbroken' Adrien silently laughs at the irony. "Wow." They had indeed tried dating but it was quickly deteriorating their friendship and partnership.

Super Mega Best Friends were their title and they've been happier ever since. It was only for a week, but that proved to exhaust out both parties.

It was a long day of emotions after the trip. Lila mentioned that she'll give Marinette's friendship a chance. 'Win-win?' Marinette didn't seem to think so.

Some things became easier when it came to Lila. Her being more honest and sometimes lying. They only trusted Lila as far as they could throw her. Even if it was far, it didn't mean they couldn't throw her into the ground. Metaphorically speaking... Of course...

Right?

Regardless everyone was trying with Lila and that's someone ever needed. To try. Adrien may not have been the best person to try with but maybe Marinette will never find why Lila wanted Adrien in the first place.

Adrien had bargained no more secret once the secret was out. Marinette compiled

Marinette promised to tell him in full detail about what went down between the two if they raced to the Eiffel tower. After the race, Marinette chose the edge near the corner, next to a support beam. His favorite spot.

Marinette couldn't tell Adrien for the longest time, and now she struggled to tell him anything at all. Quickly pushing the thought aside, she told him everything. After she was done, Marinette waited for his reaction.

Adrien stood up from his corner of the support beam and started pacing behind Marinette. "You should have exposed her! Why did you let me stop you." Angrily stomping with each step. Marinette giggled at the sight.

Shrugging, Marinette overlooks the city from her spot, the chilly Paris air soothing her and Adrien. "I still liked you at the point. Besides she's never getting you and that's more important than letting her get to me."

Adrien huffed and sat at the edge of the tower. "We really shouldn't be discussing civilian stuff on patrol Chaton." Getting up, Ladybug took out her yo-yo and zipped through the city with her partner behind her. "Whatever you say, M'Lady." Mischief dripping off his words.

That was last week, before Grande Folle, everything was okay. Marinette and Chloe had a routine, more often than not it worked for them. Marinette had an excused if she was running late to school and no one wanted to deal with Chloe besides Sabrina and Adrien.

While Marinette helped with her studies and social skills. That meant hanging out after school and being in a public setting. At first, it was rocky, with Chloe refusing to enter any establishment that wasn't 5 stars.

Plans and plans of negotiation later, they found a compromise that suited both of them. One that needed a lot of work on the exterior but had great food and one that suited Chloe's 'exquisite' taste.

Yet somehow, after a while, they no longer went to another place that was upscaled after the first restaurant or cafe. Chloe blames it on the tight upscale service that no longer suited her taste. But they both knew the truth. Miraculous isn't, how someone could change if they let a couple of someones in their life.

After Granda Folle, Adrien wouldn't leave Marinette alone. It's a normal reaction "It'll wear off." she thought. But then it didn't, it just got worse and no one could get close to Marinette for weeks. The only ones to stop Adrien most of the time were Chloe and Nino.

Adrien went as far as requesting to change his seat every day, somehow after lunch, Adrien would be seated next to Marinette.

Eventually, Ms. Bustier stopped trying to get Adrien away from Marinette and left them be. Everyone just kept assuming they were an item again, Adrien quickly put out that flame.

"I will tolerate Lila's shit, but not your guys need to put a label on us. We are friends and that's all." Adrien was looking at them, a warpath if anyone tried to refute. "How dare you try to romanticize us when we don't want to be."

Nobody wanted to face Adrien's wrath after that. Multiple "Sorry" escaped their lips sitting back down in their seats for the lesson to begin.

Sitting back down Adrien pestered Marinette to see if she was alright. At first, she appreciated the sentiment of her partner's concern then it came to being motherly and she wasn't having any of that and it stopped her and Chloe's get together.

The last time they went to a cafe Adrien kept snapping at the waiters and people that didn't leave, his fans couldn't even get close to him. After 2 weeks, Marinette was fed up and started evading him after class.

She let Chloe know in advance, of course. She wasn't that mean to her, they were friends after all. Ditching Adrien for the first time in 2 weeks, Marinette wonders around Boulevard Saint Germain. Stopping to help someone that was struggling with a customer in the cafe she stopped in.

"Is there anything I can help with?" Marinette asked the customer only realizing that it was Royal Collin, otherwise known as Grande Folle. Marinette quickly hugged the man. Rambling off her relieve for his safety. Royal couldn't hold it anymore.

"I'm so sorry little miss, I didn't mean to hurt you after you did so much to help me." Royal hugs Marinette and the two fix Royal's order. Sitting at a table by the window. "I'm not mad at you for how you reacted, or for being hurt."

Marinette flexed her muscles and smiled at him, patting her bicep. "I'm tough enough." Royal smiled back and nodded his head and sipping his ginseng tea. "That's true," Royal looked out the window, turning back he noticed that Marinette was looking in her lap. Peering at the Riverbank, taking in the peace. However long they have before something ruins it. "Is everything okay?"

Opting to tell him, she explained her worries about Adrien's recent actions and ranted about how some people didn't have an ounce of common sense in them to not ask about showing off her neck.

"I'm glad I have Adrien, I do appreciate him." Marinette swirled her cold coffee around the cup. "Really. I do." Pausing to let out a sigh, she resumed. "But that doesn't mean that I need to be protected every day of every hour of every minute." The frustration leaking out of her, accidentally crushing her cup at her friend's antics, she sighed again and finished her drink.

"Trust me when I say that he has helped me when I needed it, but I need to learn how to take care of things myself." Marinette's voice was slightly wavering, breaking Royal's heart, but her eyes showed so much more emotion than just sadness.

Marinette explained what incident she was talking about. Multiple times, Marinette was left to fend for her self when some assholes tried to get her to take off her bandage.

To close for comfort indeed. Adrien, Chloe, or Alix showed up before anything could happen but that only meant that she wasn't ready to deal with harassment or her 'condition' again.

Not long after that, she started wearing turtlenecks. She never wore them for too long, it often led to panic attacks and scratching her neck. She couldn't wear chokers and turtlenecks anymore and that disappointed her more than anything Akuma related.

"Alexa play despacito." Was his response, and Marinette couldn't help but laugh, she clutched her stomach in amusement. "Too good, oh my goodness! That was amazing!"

The moment was cut short as screams filled the air instead of laughter. "Ugh." Marinette couldn't help but be frustrated. "That's it." Marinette was going to talk to either Hawkmoth or that Akuma and knock some sense into them.

Marching up to them, Marinette glared up at the new Akuma. Royal called out to Marinette behind her to 'get away from the Akuma'. She did this every day, not so different out of the suit. Just more damage. "I'm pissed at you for interrupting my rant."

The Akuma stopped to look at the girl. Then the purple butterfly popped up and Marinette couldn't stop the grin.

"Fuck you, you coward!" Running out of the way, Marinette laughed as the Akuma roared behind her. The sound of a car being thrown from behind her making her look back. Skidding into an opening, Marinette yells for Royal to run away. Jumping in front of Royal as another car is thrown in her direction, she braces for impact.

Chat Noir jumped in at the last second and stopped a car from hitting them. "I ToLD YoU TO Not GeT AwAy FrOM mE!!" Chat Noir scolded Marinette as he kept shielding her. "I was fine, besides I knew you'd have my back." Marinette teased back but Chat Noir wasn't having it.

"Come on Royal." Grabbing the older teen's arm, she dragged them away. The Akuma was distracted by Chat Noir, making the perfect escape. Shoving Royal into the subway, grabbing the railing in front of him. Royal looked up to Marinette just out of his reach.

Panicking Marinette elbowed her attacker's throat but they let go and hold her arms, turning she saw Chat Noir. "Don't worry civilian. I'll take her somewhere safe." Marinette gave an unimpressive arch eyebrow and shook her head lightly.

"Don't worry Royal, just get to safety." Chat Noir extends his pole, landing on in an alleyway. "Thanks, alley cat." Tikki floats above Marinette. “Akuma.” Marinette nods at her companion. “Right. Tikki. Spots on!”

The familiar flash of pink eloped the alleyway. "Let's get this show on the road Tomcat!" Ladybug takes out her yo-yo and flings herself up into the air, backflipping and launching out her yo-yo again to swing towards the Akuma.

"Ladybug." Turning at the new sound, Marinette found a man covered in a black suit with a cape. On his chest was a bat? The Woman next to him had with a lasso at her side, but she recognized that face. 'Mademoiselle Prince?' Her eyes widen at the realization.

That was all the Akuma needed as a distraction.

Flying through the air, Ladybug clutched her stomach, a gasp sharply left her as the pain registered. "Oh god." Chat Noir shouted but didn't go after her. "Ladybug?!" Ladybug lazily waved away in his general direction. 'Yeah, yeah, I hear you."

Clutching onto a nearby wall, Ladybug struggles to stand, sitting back down Ladybug looked at her partner. Fighting the Akuma as he disappears into the whiteness of the sky.

Marinette's mind was racing as she struggled to see or hear surroundings, but couldn't compel her body to move, the ringing in her ears rising. "Great, I'm panicking.'

"We have to get you out of here, M'Lady." Ladybug couldn't hear anything anymore.

Not going to retag because they probably already looked at this.

#marinette x damian #damian x marinette #marinette dupain cheng #Maribat #Maridami #Daminette #Iregretnothing #Ididsomething #My turn #MT

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71tenseventeen · 6 years ago

Text

Take My Hand (Take My Whole Life Too) 24

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23

Warnings for sexual content, male pregnancy, non-hockey Sid. Sid and Taylor’s ages have been altered to fit the story.

Perpetual credit to my betas, @queen-alia and @icosahedonist.

I’m 90% sure that at least 85% of this has made it through my betas.

Sid runs his fingers nervously over the letters on the back of the jersey before tugging it on.

Just before Geno left for the arena he’d brought it to Sid, grinning as he tugged it over his head. “Think maybe you wear tonight if you want. For luck.”

It was too big on Sid everywhere and he could see a couple of marks on the sleeve. “Is this…Did you wear this?” He’d asked, wide-eyed, making Geno chuckle.

“Wear in game seven, win the Cup. Best luck.”

“Oh my God! Geno, I can’t wear this!” He started tugging the sleeves off. “What if I spill something on it? What if something happens to it?”

Geno put a hand on each of his arms, pinning him inside the jersey. “Sid, need to breathe. Would not let you wear if I worry about those things. If you spill, we clean. You think I’m not clean after celebration? Was soaked in beer!”

Sid looked down at the Penguin across his chest and back up at Geno again. “Oh. But… This is a really special jersey.”

Geno, “Special game, special jersey,” he’d said before kissing Sid on the nose with another smile. “You wear for me?”

Sid had been helpless to deny him. “Yeah, of course. I’ll be really careful.”

Geno shook his head, smiling fondly and kissed Sid again.

Now Vero’s eyebrows are nearly in her hairline as she stares at Sid ducking into her car. “What?”

“Is that what I think it is?”

Sid blushes and ducks his head with a smile. “Yeah. He said it’s, um, from game seven.”

Vero stares at him for a moment before breaking into a wide grin and shaking her head. “When’s the wedding?” she teases as she turns the car around.

“Oh come on, it’s not like that.”

“Sid. Marc-Andre and I have been together a long time and he’s never sent me to a game in a jersey he won the Cup in.”

“It’s not that big of a deal. He was just being nice. It was easier than buying me a new one.”

She laughs. “Okay, Sid.”

Sid uses the special identification card Geno got for him to enter with Vero. Everyone very clearly knows her and they also very clearly look curious about Sidney. No one says anything, though, and Sid wonders if and what they were told about him.

Vero, saint that she is, leads the way, fending off anyone who looks like they might want to chat. Sid’s relieved when they make it to their lounge area—for about two seconds.

Looking around, he feels like he may hyperventilate. He knew the seating would be special but this is—

Vero tugs on his arm. “Breathe, Sid. You’ll get used to it,” she says, pushing him on through the very swanky lounge past a huge buffet and some very plush looking seating areas. Down a couple of stairs, they finally reach what look like slightly more normal, though still much nicer, seats. “Sit,” she orders before disappearing only to reappear what seems like moments later with bottles of water. “Drink.”

He does and waits until he doesn’t feel so much like choking before sitting back and says quietly. “I don’t belong here.”

“Yes you do,” she says with an air of finality, tugging on the his jersey sleeve. “He wants you here and you want to be here for him so this is where you belong.”

“But—” he starts but she cuts him off.

“Would you rather there be no one up here for him?”

“No, of course not!”

“Then drink more water, try to relax and be here for him.”

He can’t argue with that. She’s right, Geno deserves to have someone here for him and right now he wants that to be Sid so he settles back into the seat again and tries to relax.

Talking to the other people in the lounge is still outside of his comfort zone, though Vero introduces him to a handful of wags as “a friend of Geno’s.” For the most part, though, he sticks close to her and tries to enjoy what he came here for.

That part isn’t hard.

It’s easy to join the crowd cheering for the team when they come on the ice, a sharp thrill running through Sid when Geno skates out with the cup above his head.

Once the game starts, he’s not thinking about where he’s sitting or who he’s sitting with—all he can think about is Geno tearing up the ice and how well the Pens are playing. The first period is great except for when Williams makes a dirty attack dragging Geno to the ice, a moment that has Sid on his feet cursing. Geno’s back up in a moment looking ready to murder and where he was cursing moments before, now all Sid can do is cheer, elated as Geno goes after Williams.

Near the end of the first Vero leans over and says, “We should get food during intermission. What do you want?”

Sid turns to her with a shrug. “What are my options?”

“Anything you want. I mean they obviously can’t serve everything but honestly, just about anything you want within reason, we just have to tell them.”

Sid gawks. “But that’s—what if they don’t have what I want? I don’t want to make someone go to trouble to make something for me that’s not already ready to go.”

“Oh Sid, you’re such a sweetheart,” she says with a smile and a shake of her head. “No wonder he’s so smitten with you.”

He feels his cheeks burning. “He’s not… smitten.”

Vero only laughs.

That’s how he finds himself scarfing down a really amazing steak during first intermission while Vero smiles fondly at him.

The rest of the game passes much like that until the Pens beat the Caps. It’s a good game and Sid is surprised at how much fun he’s having. He’d been so nervous at first but now he has a scratchy throat and he can’t wipe the smile off of his face as he chatters away at Vero. He wants to find Geno right away, tell him how amazing he was but that will have to wait.

Vero stops to talk to various people on the way out, always introducing Sid and though he wouldn’t say he’s fully comfortable with it, he’s too happy to worry much. Geno won. Okay the team won but Geno—he was amazing. Sid can’t help but smile when he thinks about the fact that Geno is, well, maybe not his but he’ll be coming home to Sid and maybe he’ll even want to celebrate that win.

Vero snorts laughter at him and pokes him in the side on the way home. “Look at you.”

“What? They won! We’re supposed to be happy.” He says, completely unable to tamp down his smile even a little bit.

“There’s happy for a win and then there’s ready for your man to come home so you can reward him for winning happy.”

Sid’s too giddy to even deny it. Geno’s not his but he can pretend he is, for now at least. Tonight Geno will come home and touch him and hold him and make him feel like nothing else in the world matters. He bites his lip as he laughs bashfully.

He gets a text just as they pull into the driveway.

Sid replies with a picture Vero had taken of him at the game.

Before Sid can reply, Geno sends another.

Oh.

He shouldn’t be disappointed. Of course Geno is going out with the team after a win like that.

“Sid?”

He realizes he’s not smiling anymore as he looks up. “Huh?”

“Everything okay?” She nods towards his phone.

“Oh. Oh yeah,I’m fine.” He forces himself to smile at her.

She frowns. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah of course. It was just Geno. They’re, um, they’re going out. I don’t know if Flower goes too or if he told you.” He stuffs the phone into his pocket just as she pulls to a stop by the garage doors.

“Yeah, they always do if they win the opening game.”

He forces himself to smile again. “Yeah, I figured he probably would. Anyhow, thanks for the ride. See you later, Vero.” He waves without looking back as he heads inside.

He heads straight to the shower once he’s inside, pausing only to strip off the jersey and hang it neatly in Zhenya’s closet, telling himself he has no reason to be upset. It was the home opener and they won. Geno is the captain, of course he needs to be there. That’s nothing to be upset about.

It was silly, he thinks as he ducks his head under the hot spray, to think that Geno would come straight home to him. Of course he wants to celebrate with his teammates. Maybe he hadn’t mentioned it before but he also had never told Sid he’d be home right after the game. It makes sense, when Sid thinks about it. He thinks about Vero and she hadn’t been upset at all and he realizes it really is silly for him to be. Geno will be home later.

He feels better as he towels his hair off and settles into bed, replaying some of Geno’s better plays in his mind. He smiles, maybe not as giddy as earlier but content. It lasts approximately two minutes—until he opens Instagram and the first thing he sees is a picture of Geno standing with some teammates and a very busty, blonde woman whose arms are wrapped firmly around his waist.

It’s just a fan photo, he’s seen tons of them before but—

“Ran into my boys after the game. G is even hotter in person!” He wrinkles his nose at the caption and frowns hard as he reads the comments where she chronicles her intentions with Geno, should she be able to entice him away from the group.

Geno wouldn’t do that, he tells himself feeling secure in that knowledge for a couple of seconds before his brain betrays him.

Why wouldn’t Geno do that? He never said he wouldn’t sleep with other people, just that he’d take care of Sid. Having a baby on the way doesn’t mean he won’t still date other people. After all they’re not exclusive. They’re not even dating. Geno has promised him lots of things but he’s never promised a relationship, he’s never promised fidelity and—

“Sid?”

Sid snaps his head up, surprised to find Geno standing in the doorway grinning at him.

“What—” Sid sits up. “What are you doing here?”

Geno flashes a funny smile. “Live here.”

“I just meant I thought you were out with the team.”

Geno shrugs. “Was but kept wonder what you up to here.”

“Oh.” Sid’s heart is hammering. Geno came home to him.

Geno raises his eyebrows, grinning as he sits on the edge of the bed. “You got big plans? Need for I leave again?”

Sid can’t stop the smile that spreads as he drops his gaze, blushing. “No!” He’s laughing as he looks back up and sucks in a breath as Geno leans in closer and touches his chin.

“What you do since game, all alone, hmm?” He drawls, sending a shiver down Sid’s spine.

Sid licks his lip. “Actually, I was thinking about you.”

Geno leans closer, close enough that Sid can feel warm breath on his lips. “What you think about me?”

Sid shudders. This is—this is just everything he wanted and he’s going to enjoy it. “I was just thinking about the game, how you played tonight.”

“Mmm,” he hums as he settles on the bed next to Sid. With a smile he reaches over and tugs on Sid who lets himself be moved around until he’s straddling Geno. He can feel Geno hot and hard through both of their pants and, god, Sid is starting to feel desperate. He’s like that for me, he thinks with a flush.

”You like? Think I’m play good?”

Sid’s fingers are already working at the buttons on Geno’s shirt, without even really having thought about it. Their eyes are locked as he nods, says breathily, “So good, G. The best.”

Geno grins, lips brushing Sid’s now. “You my good luck.”

There are a lot of things Sid could say to that, a lot of things he wants to say but the tension is killing him and the thing he wants most is to kiss Geno until his lips hurt so that’s exactly what he does.

And then Geno takes him apart little by little, surprising Sid by not being in any sort of rush. He takes his time, like he wants to savor every moment, smiling smugly the more he teases until Sid can’t take it anymore and straddles him again, already wet and messy where Geno’s deft fingers have been stretching him. He wastes no time slicking Geno’s cock up while Geno alternates between grinning and gasping. “So anxious, my Sid? Want so bad, you can’t wait?” And Sid can’t take it anymore, lifting to his knees and sinking down, down, down with a long, low groan.

Even then as much as Sid wants to ride him with abandon, Geno grips his hips, keeps things from going too fast. It’s torture and it’s the best thing Sid’s ever felt. He has to drop his head to Geno’s shoulder as he starts to get overwhelmed. Geno’s breath is hot in his ear, voice low as he tells Sid he thought about him all night, hoped he was seeing every moment, couldn’t wait to come home and get his hands on him. Sid’s barely holding it together, holding tight now as Geno rocks up into him faster and faster.

“Next time, I have you put jersey back on. Fuck you while you wear it. Think you like that, Sid?”

Sid can’t answer as he collapses forward, body shaking and shuddering with his release. And then Geno is moving even faster, harder and he pulls Sid’s hips down hard and comes with a loud, “Fuck!”

Sid expects him to zone out a little bit, he usually does as they work to catch their breath but this time he touches Sid’s face and then he’s kissing him and he doesn’t stop until Sid is breathless again. All Sid can think is that if Geno’s going to be like this after every win, it’s going to be a very, very good season.

Part 25

#Take My Hand #my fic #sidgeno #mpreg #part 24

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notarelationship · 5 years ago

Text

In A Minute - Ch 2

Klaine Fic - In A Minute

Summary: AU. Kurt’s a bit clumsy, and Blaine needs a boyfriend in a hurry. What more do you want? Words: ~2700 Chapters: 2/? Warnings: none

AO3: Ch 1, Ch 2

Thanks to @honeysucklepink for the beta! I claim all errors as my own.

Blaine didn’t question whether or not this was a good idea until he was on his way to meet Kurt. But now that he was about to pass off a virtual stranger as his boyfriend of over six months, he was starting to have doubts.

He could have just told his parents that his boyfriend wasn’t available. He could have told them they’d broken up. He could have asked someone he knows to do it instead - he has plenty of friends who would have helped him out in this situation, friends that knew him well and had never met his parents. His parents wouldn’t have suspected anything. They aren’t really that involved in his life.

On the other hand, they had been pushing him to meet this guy - Sebastian - for months. They even tried to arrange an accidental meeting at their club when Blaine was home between semesters. That’s when he had made up the boyfriend thing in the first place.

Not to mention that Blaine’s having a boyfriend hadn’t stopped his mother from continuing to talk about Sebastian whenever they spoke on the phone. “Sebastian is so handsome” “Sebastian is so worldly - did you know he went to Europe for a whole summer before college?” “Did I tell you Sebastian’s parents bought him an apartment in Boston so he doesn’t have to live in the dorms? Boston isn’t that far away, is it Blainey?” Blaine was beyond tired of hearing about the guy.

As he walked toward their meeting spot around the corner from the restaurant, Blaine went over everything he’d learned about Kurt during their conversation: he was in the theater program at Tisch; he grew up in Ohio - just like Blaine had (and wasn’t that a weird coincidence?); his dad owned his own garage, where Kurt had worked in high school; and his mom had died when Kurt was young. Blaine didn’t know if that was something he should ask more about, but Kurt seemed to breeze over the information so Blaine didn’t pursue it. It wasn’t really his business - Kurt wasn’t really his boyfriend.

Kurt had also sung in his high school Glee club - again, just like Blaine. He was really into Broadway, and could hold his own when they started discussing pop music, but that knowledge probably wouldn’t come up at dinner with his parents. He knew he shouldn’t expect to be embarrassed by his parents behavior, they’d been nothing but supportive to him - with only mild indifference to his coming out, but still, he’d never introduced a guy to them. If it went too poorly the only real damage would be that he’d have to find a new diner, and while he really didn’t want that, it could be worse.

Kurt did seem nice enough, and he seemed game to do it. He even seemed to think it would be fun, which Blane didn’t understand at all, but he supposed it wasn’t Kurt’s parents they were trying to fool.

Blaine arrived at the agreed upon meeting spot five minutes early, and Kurt was already there waiting for him. Blaine almost didn’t notice him - Kurt definitely looked different outside of his diner uniform. His hair sat in a perfect quiff just over his forehead, and his clothes would definitely impress Blaine’s parents - Kurt was wearing expensive designer pieces. His shirt was definitely Marc Jacobs, and Blaine could swear the velvet vest and matching pattern trousers Kurt was wearing were genuine vintage Alexander McQueen - if he wasn’t just as sure that there was no way Kurt could afford them on tips from the diner...he wasn’t that good of a waiter. Blaine swallowed. Kurt looked like he’d been sewn into his outfit, and was somehow at least five inches taller than he had seemed at the restaurant.

“I hope I haven’t kept you waiting long?” he finally managed to get out. He wasn’t sure if the situation was appropriate for an air kiss - Blaine never could quite get that right, but when Kurt leaned forward, he just went for it. It was only mildly awkward. “You look great,” Blaine told him. “Amazing, actually. Is that real McQueen?”

“Why yes it is - well spotted, and thank you,” Kurt answered, obviously pleased at the complement. Blaine stored that away in case things went sideways; maybe he could flatter Kurt into forgiving him and not lose access to his favorite diner. “And you are right on time. My subway skipped a few stops on my way here, so I was a little early. I didn’t want to be late to meet the parents,” he said, joking.

Blaine tried to laugh, but he was getting more nervous by the minute. Kurt didn’t seem to be nervous at all.

“Look, if you don’t want to do this - it all seems like a crazy idea now that I’ve had a couple days to think about it. I can just tell them we broke up, or something.” Blaine ended that sentence weaker than he wanted to. He wished he could just stand up to his parents about this.

“Oh come on! It’ll be fine.” Kurt narrowed his eyes, as if he were studying Blaine. “And I’m already all dressed up.” Kurt said, slipping his arm through Blaine’s as they headed toward the restaurant. “I hate to waste it.”

Blaine looked down at where Kurt’s hand was gripping Blaine’s elbow. They hadn’t discussed PDA. “If you’re sure?” He hoped Kurt hadn’t heard his voice crack.

“I am,” Kurt assured him. “I’ve been eating nothing but diner food since I started that job, and I was promised an expensive meal with someone’s rich, if not entirely well meaning, parents.”

Blaine let himself laugh at that. Kurt seemed fun, maybe this would be fine, and then his parents would leave him alone for a while.

They arrived at the restaurant before Blaine’s parents, and since Blaine was still too young to drink they both ordered iced teas at the bar, and waited.

“Remember, the only thing we have to make up is the details about our relationship,” Blaine reiterated. They had discussed on the phone that they would tell the truth about as much as they could, so they wouldn’t have to keep track of too many lies. “And If my parents get nosy about you just answer truthfully.”

Kurt nodded. “I remember the plan.”

“Oh, I forgot to say - they aren’t going to expect any PDA, if you’re worried about us not looking like a ‘couple’.” Blaine threw up air quotes around the word couple, then frowned. “I’m sorry, I’m really not an air quote guy.”

Kurt smiled at him, a little wickedly, Blaine thought. “Do you always worry this much when you bring a fake date to meet the parents?” Kurt teased.

Blaine tapped his fingers on the bar, but he couldn’t help giving Kurt a side eye. “I’ll let you know if I ever do it again.” Kurt visibly suppressed a laugh. “But thanks, in advance, for doing this. I really don’t know what I was thinking.”

Kurt looked like he was about to respond, no doubt with something witty, when Blaine spied his mother and father coming into the restaurant. He waved them over.

“Kurt, these are my parents, Pam and Stewart Anderson.”

“It’s really great to finally meet you. Blaine has told me so much about you, I feel like I know you already.” Kurt shook both of their hands confidently.

“That definitely puts you at an advantage,” Blaine’s dad said. “Blaine has told us almost nothing about you.”

“Oh, well,” Kurt was acting surprised, but Blaine knew it was an act. “We can fix that tonight.”

The maitre’d seated them at a table on the restaurant’s upper level. They could see the entire restaurant from where they were and Blaine wondered if his mother had made the request in advance.

“I read about this place in the Times,” Pam said, once they were seated. “It’s a converted church, and the food is Italian-Japanese fusion.” Blaine could see his dad make a face out of his mother’s line of sight.

“I read that piece too,” Kurt said. “There is a six month wait for reservations here. How did you score than on such short notice?”

Blaine watched his mother’s eyes light up as she went into a long explanation about how a woman from her book club knew a guy whose cousin once dated the sous-chef. She loved to talk about her connections. Kurt kept her busy chatting until the waiter came to take their orders.

“So Kurt, are you originally from New York?” Stewart asked, once the waiter had left.

Kurt shook his head. “No, I”m from Ohio, just like Blaine.” When Blaine looks over Kurt is smiling at him like they actually share history. Maybe they do.

“Oh really? Blaine never mentioned that.” Blaine’s dad raised an eyebrow in Blaine’s direction.

“It never really came up,” Blaine mumbled.

“Where in Ohio are you from?” Stewart asked.

“Lima,” Kurt answered. “My dad owns his own garage.”

“Do you park a lot of cars in it?” Pam asked. When Kurt looked confused, she added, “In your garage.”

“No mom,” Blaine corrected her. “Not a garage for parking, a garage for repairing cars.”

“He’s a mechanic,” Kurt adds. “I used to work there during summers, until I decided it wasn’t good for my hair.” Kurt feigned a touch up to his upsweep, and Pam laughed.

“Running a small business is hard work,” Stewart said. “Does it do well?”

Kurt nodded. “Oh yeah, pretty well. Everyone needs their cars to work, and he’s been going at it over twenty years now.”

“That’s impressive,” Stewart said, and Blaine could tell that he meant it. Blaine had been concerned that his parents would be rude about Kurt’s family being more working class than the Andersons, but he could tell that his dad was impressed with Kurt.

“Well, his customers are pretty loyal.”

Stewart nodded, and Blaine felt his chest unravel in relief. He had almost made it through dinner, and his parents seemed to like Kurt - so hopefully they’d stop trying to fix him up. He’d have to remember to send Kurt flowers or something after this was all over.

By the time they ordered dessert Blaine was almost ready to stop worrying. It was almost over, Kurt had not only been great but had also thoroughly impressed Blaine’s parents. Maybe he’d get through this without some kind of disaster.

“You are coming with Blaine to the wedding, I hope?” Blaine’s mother asked as dessert was set in front of them.

“Wedding?” Blaine started to worry again. “What wedding?”

“Your cousin, Michelle. Her wedding is in two weeks Blaine!”

“I never got an invitation to Michelle’s wedding. I didn’t even know she was engaged.” Blaine worked hard not to roll his eyes at his mother.

“Oh of course you’re invited dear, I RSVP’d for all of us. I even let them know you’d be bringing your boyfriend. Six months is certainly long enough to warrant an invite,” she answered breezily, as if Blaine had no other reasonable choice or expectation in the matter.

“Mom,” Blaine sputtered. “You never told me any of this. I have school! And obligations. And Kurt has a job, he can’t just take off at random. These things need planning.”

“He does have a point Pamela,” Blaine’s dad said. “Kids these days have a lot going on.”

Blaine’s mom huffed, and looked back and forth between the boys before pulling herself together. “I was sure I’d mentioned it honey.”

“Well you didn’t.” Blaine startled when he felt a hand on his knee. Kurt squeezed once in a gesture Blaine took as solidarity. Against parents and expectations, against whatever else there was.

“Thank you very much for the invitation, Mrs. Anderson,” Kurt said. “I’ll have to check my schedule and see whether I can make it or not.”

“Of course dear,” Pam answered, but Blaine could tell she was still a little annoyed. “Sebastian Smythe will be there, of course,” she said to Blaine. “I’m sure he can keep you entertained if Kurt can’t make it.”

“Mother!” That was really too much. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Kurt squeezed Blaine’s knee again, and Blaine took a calming breath. “And why on earth would he be at Michelle’s wedding?”

Blaine’s mother looked at him as if he’d asked her why the sun rises in the east. “Do you not pay attention to anything I say? Michele’s fiance is Sebastian’s cousin. Of course he’ll be there.”

Blaine blinked rapidly at his mother. He couldn’t believe his mother was trying to set him up with another guy right in front of his boyfriend. Fine, his totally-not-real boyfriend that he’d only met two days earlier, but she didn’t know that.

“Blaine, sweetheart,” Kurt spoke and drew Blaine’s attention away from his mother, lacing his fingers with Blaine’s under the table and resting them on top of Blaine’s thigh. “It’s fine, I’ll see if I can switch a couple of shifts.” Blaine stared at Kurt. Was he really considering coming to this wedding? That really seemed like it was taking the whole thing a little too far. “We can talk about it later, okay?”

Right. “Okay,” Blaine said. Of course. They couldn’t discuss this in front of Blaine’s parents. At least Kurt was thinking clearly.

Once outside the restaurant they said their goodbyes to Blaine’s parents - Kurt’s fingers still laced together with Blaine’s, in a gesture that should have been uncomfortable given the fact that they barely knew each other. But instead, Blaine found it surprisingly grounding. Without realizing it he had leaned into Kurt’s side, waving at his parents’ taxi as it drove away.

“Oh my god, Kurt, thank you for handling that all so smoothly. I cannot believe how well you dealt with my mother.”

Kurt laughed, shrugging one shoulder. “I’ve seen worse Blaine. They weren’t even in the top ten.”

“Still, thank you. I owe you one.”

“No way,” Kurt objected. “I spilled ice cold water all over your lap, consider us even. Even though I definitely got the better end of this deal. That restaurant was amazing.”

They stood there together awkwardly for a minute, while the rest of New York City rolled past them in a dozen different directions. Blaine wasn’t sure what he should do now. Should he take Kurt home? Offer to pay for a cab? They weren’t really hanging out, so he probably didn’t want Blaine to buy him a drink. No, putting Kurt in a cab home was the correct move.

“Can I ask you a question?” Kurt asked, before Blaine could offer.

“I am totally going to get you a cab home, you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Huh?” Kurt looked puzzled for a second. “Oh no! That’s not what I was going to ask - though I live out in Bushwick and they’re doing track work tonight, so a cab actually sounds great. I wanted to ask though, I hope I’m not overstepping, what are you going to tell them about the wedding?”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not going to impose on you any more that I already have.” Blaine shrugged. “This was a crazy idea and I’m just relieved it’s over. I can just tell them you couldn’t get off work, or actually, I’ll tell them we broke up.”

“And this Sebastian guy you’re mom’s so hot on?”

“I’ll figure something out. I don’t want to drag you further into my familial dysfunction and insecurities. You are officially relieved of your fake boyfriend duties.” Blaine gave Kurt a courtly bow. “Thanks for even doing this.” He paused, then went on, more to himself than to Kurt. “Maybe he’ll just take no for an answer.”

“Who knows? Maybe you’ll wind up liking him?”

“Unlikely.” Blaine smiled and stepped to the curb, successfully hailing a cab without too much of a wait. “Thanks again,” Blaine said, as he opened the door for Kurt.

Before getting in, Kurt turned to Blaine, his face twisted as if he were considering something very seriously, but then thought better of it.

“It was my pleasure Blaine,” he said, before leaning in and kissing Blaine on the cheek. “See you around.”

#in a minute #klain fanfiction #klaine fic

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ecofinisher · 5 years ago

Text

The Adventures of Super Nathan - Chap 21

Chapter 21

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18224606/chapters/47592589

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13243294/21/Miraculous-The-Adventures-of-Super-Nathan-2

https://www.wattpad.com/767109774-miraculous-the-adventures-of-super-nathan-2

At the manor of the Agreste’s Adrien stood in front of the cradle swaying Hope in his arms, summing a melody close to her ears making her smile joyfully at the song, starting to yawn and keeping her eyes open to stay awake while the brother gently leaned his forehead on hers, nudging his nose on hers to fondle her.

Kagami came from the corridor to the room, where the cradle was and looked at Adrien with a smile as he was caressing his parents’ baby.

Adrien kept summing while swinging the sister slowly as the girlfriend observed him unnoticed at the door, smiling amorously at the pure moment between the two blondes.

Adrien lied the girl carefully on the bed pecking her on the forehead, then leaned his arms on the site from the bed to watching the girl closing her eyes to rest, then Adrien pulled up the board slowly and kept gazing at his sister amazed, then felt someone embrace him from behind leaning the face against his back. Adrien grinned surprised and rolled his eyes back to see his girlfriend hug him and look up at his eyes.

“She needs to rest now,” Adrien told the girlfriend which nodded at the blonde.

“I know, I just adored the way you handled her. It was adorable”

“Th....thank” Responded Adrien with an abashed smile. “You were right about that I would be a good brother to her”

“There’s no way you could ever be the opposite of it”

“Thank you, Kagami,” The blonde told the girlfriend grabbing her hands. “Shall we leave?”

“If you’re ready to go too, sure”

“Good, before I need to go to the bathroom. I will be right back”

“I’ll be waiting here,” Kagami said watching Adrien leave the room, then she looked down at the baby smiling delightful, then lied her arms over the cradle observing the girl falling asleep.

At the apartment of the Dupain-Chengs, the family was having dinner with Luka Couffaine as their guest.

“The chicken schnitzel is very tasty Mr. Dupain” Luka complimented the male adult. “What type of spices do you use?”

“Just the basic ones, mentioned in the receipt” The man with the light-brown hair responded. “It’s in the Top Pot cookbook from your school”

“I still got it at home somewhere or my sister also has one” Luka explained trying to remember it.

“Hey, I have to tell you something funny, that happened today at the school,” Marinette said dropping her fork on the table.

“Sure, what is it?” Sabine asked looking at her daughter interested at her story.

“Yesterday at the P.E lessons with Mr. D’Argencourt we had to play soccer and that girls against boys the first round. Hilarious was, that Kim claimed we would lose against them very quickly because they had him and Adrien. In the end, every time Kim had the ball Alix and Kagami managed to trick out together Kim to escape with the ball. In the end, Alix took the spot as the goalkeeper, cause Myléne and Rose weren’t good enough in defending the balls”

“At least all of you girls were doing a great match, right?” Asked Tom Dupain, making Marinette shrug her shoulders.

“Chloé is always standing around, Sabrina isn’t fond of playing soccer and usually avoids any contact with the ball. I, Lila and Alya aren’t the best at it, but we try our best. Rose and Juleka just keep passing the ball to anyone else, so no one attacks them.”

“Back, when I went to school all the girls were as good as the boys. The class I had from the 5th to the 8th was similar to yours, except we also had two boys, who weren’t that good at sport.” Luka mentioned earning a nod from Marinette’s father.

“I remember back when I went to school Audrey Bourgeois not being very fond of sports and always skipped the P.E lessons,” Tom told the family thinking about the past he was a young teenager like her daughter.

“You were in the same class as Mayor Bourgeois’ wife?’” Luka asked surprised earning a nod from the brunette man. “My mother was in the same class as Monsieur D’Argencourt, XY’s father and Mayor Bourgeois”

“D’Argencourt and Bourgeois were in the same class?” Tom asked surprised earning a nod from the raven-haired boy. “No way!”

“Yes, they were according to my mother rivals and competing for another girl’s heart, which in the end wasn’t won by them, but by some other guy from another class”

“That sounds funny”

“That made me think of someone, who had the similar situation,” Luka said watching Marinette sank her head as she remembered, what Luka meant.

“Right and I regret that” Marinette mentioned looking disappointed, then Sabine placed her hand on her shoulder.

“You did a mistake Marinette, that happens to everyone” The mother comforted the daughter making her nod.

“I’m sorry I brought that up. I didn’t mean to upset you” Luka apologized reaching his hand over the table placing it on the top of Marinette’s hand.

“I know Luka,” Marinette said looking up at the light blue colored eyes of her boyfriend, seeing his honest smile at his apology. “I know you would never want to hurt me”

“So do I, since I showed him my swiss knife collection case, which I keep in the kitchen for any cases,” Tom said with a wink at Luka, making him wide his eyes uncertain about the comment, causing Tom to laugh.

“Dad! Why are you scaring Luka?”

“Just kidding. I trust you, boy” Tom said making Luka nod.

“I know,” Luka said, then Tom noted his place was empty and scooped from the middle of the table, where he had an oval plate filled with a few more schnitzels and took one slice to put it on Luka’s plate.

“Here take another one, boy”

“Oh no, I’m fine sir, thank you”

“Don’t be afraid, eat,” Tom asked pushing the plate closer to the boy. “There’s enough.”

“Thank you,” Luka said making Mr. Dupain smile, then Sabine picked with a tong a bunch of fries to put them on Luka’s plate, making him look surprised at their hospitality. “Oh that wasn’t really needed, Mrs. Cheng”

“Come, a boy like you needs to eat more” The blue-haired woman mentioned earning a smile from the boy.

“S...sure” Replied Luka making Marinette giggle at her parents nearly spoiling him as he was their son.

“You know what I don’t believe?” Asked Tom looking at the three sitting on their chairs. “Marinette will turn 18 in a few months and already has found her Romeo….”

“Papa, really?” Asked Marinette facepalming about it, while Luka chuckled at it.

“It feels like I had to hold you yesterday for the first time in my arms,” Tom said earning a nod from Luka.

“Oh yes. How the time flies by” Sabine said grabbing her cup of water to take a sip, then heard someone yelling on the outside making the woman wide her eyes along with the others bewildered at what was going on.

“That sounds like Kim,” Marinette said looking out at the window behind her house, followed by Luka and Tom standing up and join her just to see the akumatized Marc Anciel fly by with the classmate of Marinette Kim Chien Le tied with a flag bunting on his arms and around the vehicle of the akuma.

“Oh, not another akuma” Sabine said sad observing the villain carry the Vietnamese boy behind him.

“Oh oh” Luka said glancing at Marinette, which took her smartphone to see a message of Alix showing a video of Kim with the help of Ondine trying to push Naughty Boy off his paper plane, then Naughty Boy aimed Ondine with one of his paper planes and threw it towards Kim, followed by Ondine jump at him to get caught by the airplane instead. Kim afterward stood up realizing he had got tied up around his arms with the bunting he had thrown at the villain along with Ondine, then Kim looked up at the supervillain, who smirked at the raven-haired boy and took off in the air carrying the boy away.

“How am I supposed to get out of here and help?” Luka whispered to his girlfriend, which shrugged her shoulders.

“We gotta wait” The blue-eyed girl responded. “As long as any of the other heroes manage to pursue this guy, you won’t have a problem”

“Right” Luka agreed, afterward, Marinette’s father placed his hands on the shoulder of the two teens, therefore the two looked back at the adult.

“Don’t be afraid. Nothing will happen to us as long as we all stay here” Tom said earning a nod from the two.

In the near of the arrondissement, where the Françoise Dupont lycée is located Adrien walked together with Kagami passing by several stores, that were closed on that time of the evening passing under the lightened sidewalk.

“I didn’t know Etienne knew how to play guitar” Adrien mentioned walking along with the girlfriend their way back home.

“I think he only has been playing for a few years only. But he might have earned knowledge from another instrument”

“Maybe” Responded Adrien. “However, did you try out the Tiramisu his mother had made for his birthday?”

“Uh no I had Panna Cotta or something like that” Kagami told the blonde.

“Oh, but it was delicious. You need to try that out next time” Adrien said petting his belly.

“Next time, I promise,” Kagami said jogging him aside playfully, making Adrien nod. “The Panna Cotta was delicious too if you’d like to know that”

“That sounds good, then” Adrien mentioned watching his girlfriend while walking the sidewalk along arriving at the corner of a crossroad, where they met a group of girls and all stopped along with the couple as they had gotten in the way of each other.

“Oh my god, it’s Adrien Agreste!” Yelled one of the girls, making Kagami and Adrien sigh as they had got crossed again with his fangirls.

“Not again” Adrien replied placing his hand in front of his head and the fangirls stood all around Adrien, pushing Kagami aside to admire the boy excitedly.

“Can we take a picture with you?” Asked the first raven-haired girl with a white top.

“Can you give us all an autograph?” Questioned the second girl, whose hair was also dark, but she wore a light blue dress. “It doesn’t matter where”

“I want to hug you!” Said the third girl, who was the shortest of the group picking Adrien from behind to hug him, making him feel uncomfortable.

“Just tell them to stop,” Kagami told trying to pass between two girls, that were taller than her to assist her boyfriend. “Tell it to them directly”

“Can you girls please stop doing that?” Adrien questioned feeling more crushed as three more girls decided to embrace the blonde. “Stop it!” Demanded Adrien loud, but gets ignored by them and Kagami got from the other side closer to the group to help Adrien by pushing one of the girls away from her boyfriend.

“Hey!” Shouted the girl as Kagami had successfully pulled the short girl off the model, followed by the Japanese girl pull away from the next fangirl, so Adrien could carefully push the last two fangirls off him.

“Please girls, I beg you all. I need my private space and my free time. I know you all idolize me, but can you at least give me this?” Adrien asked politely, but the fangirls kept approaching him. “If you all do that, I can send you all a picture or a poster of me with my signature”

“Adrien, those are the same girls, that appeared on the outside on the day you had to do the photoshoot with the French national team’s jersey” Kagami mentioned Adrien, which nodded as the girls approached the boy again.

“I know. I can’t just refuse to give them another autograph”

“You can refuse it. You’re not obligated to do that to everyone” Kagami told him, then got pushed away from the boyfriend away by two fangirls, which blocked her sight to him.

“Hey!” Shouted Kagami followed by Tikki leave her owner’s jacket to observe the situation.

“This is getting out of hand” Tikki mentioned at the sight of the fangirls cheering around him wanting him to give them autographs. Kagami frowned and got up from the floor to interrupt the fangirls again by getting through the girls to try to block them to get closer to the blonde.

“Girls, leave Adrien in peace!” Ordered Kagami serious. “He already asked you to give him more space”

“Come on girls, listen to her” Adrien begged as he received Kagami’s assistance.

“I’m not going to listen to anyone else, besides myself” A red-dressed girl added crossing her arms at the blue-haired girl’s words.

“Not even your idol?” Questioned Kagami raising her left eyebrow, leaving the girl quiet for a moment. A short moment later she smirked, after that she rolled her eyes up at Adrien placing her hands on his arms.

“Adrien, do you listen to this girl?” She questioned glaring at Kagami, which mirrored the fangirl’s expression back.

“Of course” Responded Adrien. “She’s my girlfriend and she’s helping me”

“Ah really?” Asked the girl pretending to be interested, then Kagami interrupted their conversation.

“Adrien, don’t listen to hear. She’s trying to put you against me”

“See, she’s ordering you to do so!” The fangirl added making Kagami facepalm at the fight she was having with the girl.

“This is nuts,” Kagami said looking back at her boyfriend. “Just shout it out loud Adrien, that they leave you in peace. It doesn’t matter, if this hurts their feelings or not”

“See, there she goes again, giving you orders. You should be a free man, shouldn’t you?” The friend of the girl told the model, earning nods from a few fangirls, which made Kagami roll her eyes and turn her back at them to walk away.

“I’m gone,” Kagami said walking away leaving Adrien sank his head in disappointment, then the girls gathered around him to plead him for pictures with him.

“You don’t need her anyway. You have us all” A tall brunette said, making Adrien shook his head and push the girls aside to pass through the group.

“I’ve gotta go. I got no time for you” Adrien said leaving the group but got pushed by a couple of fangirls to not leave them back. “Girls, please stop it” Demanded Adrien. “It’s an order” Adrien commanded looking back at the girls, that was holding the boy.

“Ahhhh!” A girl cried pointing up at the sky as she witnessed on the sky a supervillain fly by and stop in midair as he noted the group down on the bottom.

“Is that Marc?” Asked Adrien squinting his eyes, watching him snip to make an orange paper plane appear to aim the group. “Run!” Shouted Adrien causing the girls to scream and ran off, while he went behind them watching the villain observe the boy with a smirk, afterward he flew away towards the direction Kagami had left, making the blonde shriek.

“Kagami!” Adrien yelled running the way back trying to pursue the villain, who was faster than him, therefore, he disappeared behind a building in another street, while Adrien was still far behind. “Kagami, watch out!” Yelled Adrien approaching the corner of the building, where the villain had turned to see Kagami on her knees with her arms crossed over her face as Naughty Boy had hit her with one of his paper planes.

“Kagami!” Adrien shouted running at the girl, then got down to her to pick her up. “Kagami, you’re alright?” Asked Adrien lifting her slowly, then she gazed up at the boy with a smirk, making Adrien gulp. “Uh…”

“You like what you see?” Kagami asked confusing Adrien a little.

“You were hit by the villain. We gotta get out of here now” Adrien told Kagami, which placed her hands around Adrien to start kissing him all over his neck, making him turn red. “What are you doing?” Asked Adrien shocked, followed by the girl starting to suck on the side of his neck. “Kagami stop doing that!” Adrien demanded pushing the girl off him. “That’s not how you act usually around me,” Adrien said, then heard above him Naughty Boy speak.

“What’s wrong with you?” Asked Naughty Boy. “I thought you loved her,” The villain said chuckling, making Adrien frown.

“That’s not the Kagami I know. She never acts like this around me” Adrien mentioned.

“Too bad. I thought you needed something to spice up your relationship a bit, right?”

“I know this fangirl mayhem is sort of bringing my relationship with her to the edge, but the only thing I need is her old self. The one I truly know.”

“You’re not worthy to her” Naughty Boy said. “You’re not even able to take care of your fangirl problem and have always to listen to her help”

“That’s none of your business” Adrien shouted at the villain, then Kagami wrapped her arms around the boyfriend leaning her face next to his.

“Don’t listen to him, you’re more dignified than anyone else I will ever met” Kagami whispered into his ear, then Adrien was about to get up and was pulled back by Kagami, which embraced the boy tightly, barely letting him move his arms.

“You’re hurting me Kagami” Adrien mentioned hearing the villain chuckle at the blonde’s reaction.

“You know, you two really make a great couple. You just need a little push to take it further with her” Naughty Boy said snipping with his fingers, so a paper plane appeared between them “And I can help you with that”

“Kagami, please let me go. I can fix all this, I promise” Adrien said having his eyes rolled back at the blue-haired girl, which kept her arms around the boy.

“Take me on a date, boy” Kagami said with a flirty look, then Adrien got hit by the airplane on his head, then he shook his head after it and looked at Kagami again smiling lovely at her.

“Hello, beautiful” Adrien greeted the girl. “May I say, that your eyes are like chocolate. Smooth, creamy, delectable and melting” The blonde said making the blue-haired girl blush at his compliment and nudge him.

“Oh I didn’t know, you knew how to get into my heart that easy” Kagami said with a smirk, while in the air Naughty Boy crossed his arms proudly. The couple got up and ran the sidewalk along leaving the villain back, which took up higher in the air to look for more citizens to alter.

#adrimi #adrami #adrigami #kagadrien #Kagami Tsurugi #adrienagreste #lukacouffaine #lukanette #marinette dupain cheng #naughty boy #reversion #update #fanfic #fanfiction #wattpad #ao3

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radiantcutice-blog · 6 years ago

Text

Prison Break

Ten keys.

Not all of them are useful, not to Len, but the weight of them in his fingers is grounding, even more so than his gun strapped to his thigh. Barry had been aghast, of course, when Don and Dawn brought them to Len, but now Len wonders if they hadn’t known, somehow, that he’d need them. If it was really just a coincidence, or if it was something more. He hadn’t bothered asking, just thanked them softly, again and again, and promised he was getting their dad back.

Sam and Marc follow him up through the abandoned hospital wing to Iron Heights proper, surveying the cells around them as prisoners start to stir. Their time is limited; even with Barry playing along, Papercut and Folded Man can only keep him occupied for so long; so Len gets to work.

Blacksmith stays where she’s at- Len doesn’t have time to butt heads with Miss New Rogues, nor the patience to try and rein in her chaos. Murmur doesn’t get a second glance, either- he needs a breakout team, not a mass murderer.

The first person Len lets out is Girder, and it’s clear that it’s not out of any goodwill. He locks eyes with Woodward as he opens the door, breaking the airtight seal of his cell and watching the agony crawl across the metal man’s face. “Snart,” he creaks, lurching towards him, but Len keeps moving, letting Sam and Marc push the iron golem towards the Pipeline security that’s surely on its way. If he rusts away, good fucking riddance. Len has no sympathy for a rapist.

Abra Kadabra and Plunder both get passed over, Kadabra briefly meeting his eyes to sneer at him. The 34th century man has thrown in with the Light, and Len wants nothing to do with them, certainly not in a position where he’d be indebted to the shady fucks. He’ll get his people without throwing in with the death cult that nearly handed the world to aliens, thanks.

Plunder- well, Morillo’s just useless.

Len slows at Doctor Alchemy’s cell, rapping lightly at the door to draw his attention from his book. “Desmond.”

“Snart,” Alchemy replies, finger holding his page as he shuts his book briefly. “To what do I owe the honor.”

“Was wonderin’ if you were lookin’ to take a walk,” he suggests, and, while Alchemy sighs, he doesn’t go back to his book just yet.

“And what would incentivize this… walk, Leonard?”

He smiles, briefly. “Flasher’s takin’ it kinda hard over in the city proper. Heard Magenta was gettin’ called in to reinforce him.”

“How is Miss Kane?”

“One way to find out.”

Albert considers Len for another long moment before fully setting aside his book. “I think I’d like that.”

Len nods, unlocking the cell and lobbing the Philosopher’s Stone at Desmond underhand, the Heights-issued version of his costume melting from where it meets his glove outwards. Once he’s really dressed, Alchemy nods regally, striding past Len into the hall.

“Head for the abandoned hospital wing. There’s a tunnel out. And don’t let Girder follow ya, if you don’t mind?” Len suggests, chuckling as Alchemy makes a familiar face at the mention of Woodward.

“Certainly not,” he mutters, reaching out to touch Len’s parka lightly. “Tell your family, when you see them next, that I said hello.”

A nod satisfies him, and he turns to leave, slipping past Sam and Marc as they rejoin Len, past where Girder is engaging the Pipeline guards, and towards the exit.

Peek-a-boo is next, curled up in her cell with her knees to her chest, and Len knocks again, gentle, to get her attention.

“Lashawn?”

“Whatever you’re sellin’, I’m not buying,” she snaps, pulling in tighter on herself, and he sighs.

“Your pop’s at the top’a the transplant list. I figured you’d wanna get out to see him.”

That catches her attention and she stands, slowly, arms still wrapped around her torso. “What’s in it for you?”

“You see your family, I see mine.”

Len can see the doubt, can’t even blame her for it. She’s a good kid. “And after?”

“After, I got papers for you. Clean identity. You can get yourself back to school, see your dad every now and then- no strings attached. Even see what we can do about that metagene of yours.”

If she turns him down, Len’s willing to move on- it’ll suck, but he is. He figured he should at least give it a shot, though.

“One job,” Lashawn tells him, and he nods.

“One job, kid,” he agrees, unlocking her cell and giving her a wide berth to exit, Sam passing over her confiscated gear as their group keeps moving.

He doesn’t have a key for the final cell he stops in front of, and both Sam and Marc make disgusted little sounds, but they know they’re desperate. No one says a word, all regarding each other warily from across the glass.

“Your boyfriend know you’re here, Snart?” August asks casually, too casually, and Len doesn’t resist the urge to roll his eyes.

“The Feds shoved my people in a swamp to rot. You wanna help me help them, or you gonna sit here and twiddle your thumbs like you couldn’t leave whenever the hell you want,” Len challenges, and the spark of lightning in Heart’s eye tells him all he needs to know.

“You letting me out or not?”

Scudder fires off a shot into the glass of August’s cell and steps through, reaching to grab the speedster by the wrist and yank him through into the hall with the rest. August raises his brows and tilts his head a little, obviously offering his collared throat for Len to do something about.

He makes an indignant noise when Len turns away. “Hey, cabrón, forgetting something?” Heart calls, and Len would ignore him if not for the fact that he doesn’t hear his feet moving.

“I’ll take it off when we get where we’re goin’.”

That doesn’t make August any happier. “Really? Someone touches Baez and she blows, and you’re more worried about keeping me under wraps?”

Lashawn doesn’t look impressed by being dragged into this, and Len can hardly blame her, meeting her eyes for a moment before looking directly at Heart. “Baez hasn’t, to my knowledge, expressed interest in killing me before.”

The staredown lasts a good dozen seconds longer than Len would like, but, finally, August shrugs. “Fair enough.”

Marc snorts and Sam doesn’t bother hiding his grin as Len turns away again.

The screech of metal follows them out through the abandoned hospital wing and the tunnels- the screech, and the bellow of Tony Woodward in pain.

Maybe it says something about Len that he doesn’t even flinch.

They leave the Heights behind them, the sounds of fighting ahead in Central proper as Booker and Edwin keep Barry “occupied,” but the group turns towards Keystone instead, to one of Sam’s personal hideouts. He’s obviously still put out by bringing August, glancing over his shoulder with a slight sneer as he unlocks the door of the warehouse and hustles everyone inside and down to the basement.

One whole wall is covered in a mirror, and Len stares up at it as he waits for Sam to lock up and come downstairs, ignoring the heavy silence of their guests until Sam steps into his peripherals.

“Alright.” He turns, setting out the map of Belle Reve, created from his own stay and the twins’ memories, marked with guard towers, security cameras, and any other notes Len had deemed necessary, and begins laying out the plan.

Len counts down on his fingers and then signals for them to go, emerging simultaneously from four panes of glass on Belle Reve’s outer guard towers to take out all of them at once. It goes down without a hitch- Len can hear it over his earpiece, the quick confirmations from the others- and he looks out the window to see the dark clouds over the prison growing even darker, heavy with rain that starts to fall over the outer courtyard. There’s a ripple of unhappiness in the guards in the yard, noises of complaint coming over the tower radio, and they let it go on for a while before Marc increases the storm further, the distant first flash of lightning and the rumble of thunder signalling them to come down from the tower and meet.

When they’re in one place, he pulls one of Lisa’s devices from his pocket- his sister’s damn brilliant, not that Len didn’t already know- and deactivates August’s collar, scooping it up and shoving into an inner pocket of his parka. Heart’s whole body crackles with the familiar static of the Speed Force that makes Len’s hair stand up and his lichtenburg scar itch.

“Wizard. Give him a jump,” Len instructs, and both men glance at him, Marc in concern and Heart in confusion.

“You sure about that?” He nods, and Marc blows out a sigh, taking a moment to focus, eyes shut, more lightning streaking through the clouds over the prison to hide what he’ll do next.

Heart doesn’t look reassured. “What do you mean, a jump?” he asks, and Len can hear the tremor in his voice, used to hearing it when Barry’s stressed, the way he vibrates, trying not to just bolt.

“My wand manipulates electron fields,” Marc murmurs, opening his eyes- they, too, spark and glow with lightning, bright blue, and Len sees Lashawn step back in the corner of his eye. “I can turn potential energy into kinetic- what you speedsters run on. It’ll put you on top of your game, chabón.”

“M’already on top of my game,” Heart argues, but his interest is pretty obvious, and he takes a breath, glancing up and waiting for the next strike of lightning to let the Speed Force come over him, materializing his bright costume in a flash of white-gold lightning. His voice vibrates more now, Godspeed’s voice instead of August’s, and his gold lenses land on Marc. “Hit me.”

For the first time since Len suggested this, Marc actually grins- he can’t help being eager, and Len knows he’s been dying to test this theory for ages- and raises his wand, shocking August with the next lightning strike, blue mixing with Godspeed’s white until the speedster’s edges blur, glowing unearthly and wreathed with static. Lowering the wand again, Marc’s eyes return to normal, still grinning as he steps back.

“You alright, Godspeed?” His head moves- a nod, maybe?- and one speedster becomes two becomes three, and oh, Len hopes this wasn’t a mistake.

“Never better, Snart,” one of them answers, and Len nods curtly.

“You know your role.” All three move their heads- yeah, it’s gotta be a nod- and wait for the next crack of lightning to take off into the yard, disarming guards and knocking them out with a speed and precision that Len would take a moment to admire if he weren’t focused on the job. “Mirror Master, cameras. Wizard, storm. Boo, on me.”

They break, fluid, determined, and Len feels a pang of longing for the old days, when a small team like this would’ve been him, Mick, Lise, Sam, and Digger, just the five of them against anyone who got in their way. It’s so sudden that Len’s pace falters and Lashawn spares him a glance, but he waves her on, pulling the cold gun from its holster and powering it up as they pass the crumpled forms of guards, their dismantled weapons scattered in the mud.

He freezes his heart just like he does the prison wall, watching frost creep over the thick concrete as the beam of his gun reflects in his and Lashawn’s goggles until he releases the trigger, stepping back even further to let Baez do her part.

Standing close but not too close to the frozen wall, Baez shuts her eyes and teleports, the explosion sending brittle chunks of concrete flying through the air. A crack of thunder follows, and Len squints to see through the blinding explosion and the glow of lightning- Godspeed is there, one of him, at least, knocking aside shrapnel in a circle around Len and Lashawn and glancing over his shoulder when he’s done.

“Don’t get yourself killed. Barry would kick my ass,” he tells Len, and it almost seems like a joke, before he bolts again, leaving the duo to get back to their job.

Once the wall is down and Sam confirms he has control of the cameras, two of Godspeed dart ahead into Belle Reve, the clank of turrets and power suit pieces followed by the thump of unconscious bodies as Marc, Lashawn, a third August, and Len make their way in. Sam emerges from the dull shine of a polished metal “mirror,” making a face but not complaining as they head through the halls.

“How’s it lookin’?”

“Deadshot, Plastique, Frost, Bronze Tiger, and the Shark,” Sam relays grimly.

“We couldn’t have gotten any less?” Len grouses, the dull throb of a headache starting at the back of his skull. This is going to suck, but they’re going to do it. They have to. “If Waller lets Task Force X out, Heart, you’re on Bronze Tiger. He’s one of Waller’s enforcers on the team- least likely to listen to reason. Master martial artist, so watch yourself.” Heart nods and is off to help his doubles.

“Nanue shouldn’t be hard. Great whites fall into hibernation under a certain temperature, it’s just a matter of getting him there,” he murmurs, hand on the cold gun. “Peek-a-boo, I want you on Killer Frost. She needs to touch people to absorb heat-”

“-And touching me’s a bad idea,” Lashawn finishes. Not a hard conclusion to come to, but it still makes Len smirk when she does. “Got it.”

“Wizard-”

“Plastique,” Marc volunteers. “Same trick as Heart on her explosions.”

“I got Lawton,” Sam rounds out. “Wiz and I are gonna head for Glider and Top.”

Len nods and they split off to head for the thick glass that separates the two halves of the prison’s indoor exercise area, to the other side where the other Rogues await them. Lashawn keeps pace with Len, no longer faltering as he gets closer to his husband, freezing over unconscious guards to keep them down if they wake up before the job is done. It’s only when a bullet hits the ground in front of his feet that he stops his determined march, hearing Lashawn gasp as she nearly runs into him and hastily stumbles back, trying not to blow while Len searches for the source.

Deadshot waves down at him from a guard post and Len sneers.

“Hey, Snart.”

“Whataya want, Lawton, I ain’t got the time,” he snaps back, voice cracking like ice against the concrete walls, and Lawton raises his hands in innocence, showing that his finger’s off his trigger.

“The Wall was pissed you got to Boomer’s corpse before her. Could’ve been real useful to her,” Lawton drawls, and Len could shoot him, here and now, he really could.

“She wasn’t about to desecrate one of my people’s bodies.”

Lowering his hands again, Deadshot leans against the low wall in front of him, gun dangling in a loose grip that Len knows says nothing about how dangerous he is right now. “I know, Snart. I know.” He searches for his words, and, for once in the conversation, he seems sincere. “I’m glad she didn’t get him, either.”

Len eyes him for a long moment before Lawton nods, flicking on his safety and shoving his gun in the waistband of his prison orange. “My people and me didn’t see a thing. Never encountered you. Go get your family.”

Nodding back, Len gestures for Lashawn to follow, deeper into the prison until they reach the cell block, people gathering curiously at their doors, murmurs getting louder when they realize who and what this is.

Cries of “Cold” or “Snart” are ignored- voices he hardly recognizes or doesn’t care about, no, he’s not here for them- no, it’s the first tentative, tired call of “Lenny?” that grabs his attention.

“Motek,” Len breathes, and he’s at Mick’s cell in an instant, the bruises on his skin and under his eyes making Len’s heart ache, but the little smile he gives Len- god, he’s missed it. “Step back, Mickey.”

He does, his cellie taken back with him by a strong, scarred arm, and Len freezes the cell door, kicking one of the icy bars to watch the whole damn thing crumble.

Mick rushes him for a kiss, and Len grips him even as Mick shivers, even as the prison jeers and yells around them.

“Where’s everyone else?” he asks his husband when he pulls away, and Mick goes from lovey to his game face, confident strides leading Len to the other two Rogues scattered among the prisoners, each of them freed, collars deactivated, and joining the pack, their cellmates left to do as they please.

Len doesn’t stop them from going for the guards, embracing Hartley and muttering my boy into his long hair before bringing Roy in, too, slapping his back heartily as he lets go.

“Couldn’ta been any quicker about it?” Mick grumbles- Len knows, doesn’t snap back, just takes his husband’s hand and squeezes briefly before leading heading towards the rec area, getting a raised brow. “That ain’t the way out, boss.”

“Sam and Marc are getting Lisey and Ros, and we’re all meeting at the big glass,” he explains, the others’ eyes widening in comprehension and letting him push on, the crackle of static crawling up the back of his neck as they head further in.

Mick feels it, too, looks hopeful for a moment, but Godspeed skids into existence and his whole face darkens. “Him, Lenny?”

“I did what I had to, motek,” he answers, knowing that will be a whole other talk when they get home. “What’s going on, Godspeed.”

“Jump wore off,” he answers, voice still buzzing, but not as hard. “I can still maintain one other- he’s doing another round now. Be here soon. Guards are still out, but the cameras are starting to come back online.”

Len nods curtly, lets Heart flash ahead of them and follows the trail of lightning to the open rec space, face softening at the sight of his sister and her partner on the other side of the thick glass with Marc, Sam, and August’s double.

“Mr. Snart-Rory.” He turns to see Amanda Waller herself standing above them. “Did you really think this was wise?”

They stare silently at each other for a long moment before Len gestures to Sam, the fire of the mirror gun muffled by the glass wall, the Rogues on the far side vanishing into the mirror before the closer side ripples, Lisa’s hand reaching through. Hartley takes it first, disappearing through, and Waller can only watch Len’s people leave her impenetrable walls.

“I got a question for you, too, Warden Waller,” he answers evenly, watching Mick pass through before he steps up to the mirror. “Did you really think it was wise to cross the Rogues?”

He only narrowly stops himself from flipping her off before he steps through to the portal to go home.

#Execute The Plan; plot post #violence/#long post/

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ernmark · 7 years ago

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The Moonlit Hermit (part 1) Reactions

Spoilers under the cut

First off, for those who aren’t familiar, a whole lot of the Penumbra episodes are heavily inspired by one story or another, to one degree or another. Angel of Brahma was modeled after Star Wars, Promised Land was Indiana Jones (with Alessandra playing the titular Jones), Train From Nowhere was James Bond, Day That Wouldn’t Die was IT, Time Gone By was Casa Blanca, etc.

So that Beauty and the Beast vibe you’re getting from this episode? 100% intentional. I mean, right down to the magical servants and the magic flower that our heroine is definitely not supposed to touch (but does anyway).

If there’s one thing you must know about me, it’s that sentient places are my jam. Especially sentient places that are sassy and fond of their inhabitants the way the Keep is.

I love the Keep, okay? I love how it sings to respond to Arum, despite the fact that (apparently?) they can read each other’s thoughts. I love that it sings him lullabies when he’s been staying up too long trying to take care of it. I love that it tries to dote on Rilla and Arum has to tell it to rein it in.

I desperately want them to cure the Keep’s blight, because I don’t want it to get hurt anymore.

I love Rilla so goddamn much. So much. Just everything about her is wonderful and I love her.

I love that the central conflict between her and Arum is the conflict between magic and science and how completely incompatible the two principles are. I love that she has a vested interest in wanting to dissect magic into scientific terms, because (allegedly) buying into magic in its own right is what got her family exiled from the Second Citadel, because magic is seen as inherently monstrous and practicing it makes you a witch and therefore Less Than Human, based on what we’ve seen so far.

It’s a much more solid and understandable reason for her stubbornness than we usually get from the Cynical Scientist character, who is usually just being bull-headed for the sake of being stubborn. Also, her creating a monster is very much the realm of the Mad Scientist character, only this time there’s a legit, logical reason for her to create this thing, rather than doing so just for the hell of it.

Also, as much as she’s in a Beauty and the Beast story, she doesn’t fit the standard type of the Maiden Pure of Heart. She’s a stubborn, angry woman who acts out for the sake of defiance. Her primary motivation isn’t compassion -- if anything, compassion is a detriment to her cause-- but her need to escape and get home. She’s neither innocent nor naive-- she’s freakin’ vivisected monsters, and that’s pretty dark stuff, even if you don’t consider that the creatures involved may or may not be sentient (unless those were her parents’ notes, but still).

In previous episodes, we’ve always seen her within her role as a healer and in her relationships with Damien, Marc, and Dampierre-- always as a caretaker, to varying degrees. We’ve seen a touch of her darker side show itself toward Marc, but here we get a stronger sense of it.

Another thing we don’t often get to see is Damien acting as a caretaker to her-- though her natural defiance makes that hard for her to swallow. I love the internal conflict that brings up within her, with her disdain toward knights warring with the understanding that it’s coming from a place of love and concern. I have to imagine that has a lot to do with her dragging her feet regarding the wedding-- she’s not in a place emotionally where she can handle that kind of concern in large doses.

Arum, Arum, my darling dorky lizard, oh, how I love you.

First of all, can I appreciate that he’s fluent in The Language of Flowers? That makes me so absurdly happy. So does all the stuff about the nature of his magic. My god, that made me happy.

But I digress.

Where Rilla gets to show off her darker side, Arum really gets to show off his gentler side. That isn’t to say that he’s not monstrous in his own way. He’s ruthless about destroying failed specimens. The things in his world exist to serve him, and they don’t have a place there if they won’t. But he doesn’t have an organized greenhouse because he listens to the plants and lets them do what pleases them, rather than what’s easiest for him. He meditates with his deadly sword ferns. He clucks and coos at his giant freakin’ spider-horses. He is so dearly protective of his Keep, who clearly adores him, too. So much of his power springs from being gentle and understanding the beings in his power on their own level.

I think that’s a lot of his problem with Rilla-- as of yet, he doesn’t know how to engage her at her level, or isn’t willing to try. I don’t know if that’s because of the war between their peoples and the prejudices it brings, or because he was actively trying to sabotage her by not giving her what she needed so he wouldn’t have to make good on his end of the bargain, or because he’s used to plants and insects and his own creations and doesn’t know how to handle something as complex and confusing as a human. He’s trying to engage with her, but it’s so far very limited, and always in short moments.

There are several scenes where Arum is aggressive and frightening toward Rilla-- the two of them in that moment are very much playing into the Maiden and the Monster, or at least, Arum tries to. But even when she’s scared, she doesn’t back down. I don’t know exactly how Rilla responds to that-- the recorder shuts off after she wakes him from his nap, and when he bellows at her to shut it off at the end, but when the fear passes and the recorder turns back on, she’s always back to being her stubborn, willful self. She isn’t cowed when he acts like a bully.

I think he’s starting to understand that: at the end, he tries taking the angle of having saved her life twice, and requesting that she turn off the recorder... and when she doesn’t, that’s when he starts yelling again. It seems our lizardly lord has a hard time dealing with defiance, which is like half of what drives Rilla.

Do I still ship them?

Oh god, yes, but it’s gonna take time for any kind of relationship to develop.

I want Arum to humble himself enough to actually ask Rilla for the help he needs, rather than demanding it. I want Rilla to open herself up to examining magic on not a biological level, but an interpersonal one. I want them to get excited over science and magic together and try to understand each other on terms that are so alien to themselves. I want to see both of their caretaker natures at odds with the others’ misanthropy and defiance, and all the glorious awkwardness and conflict that could come of it.

Also, one last thing to leave you on:

Rilla’s father was obsessed with the Hermit-- which currently resides in the Keep.

Rilla and the Keep both know the same song, and use it to soothe and calm their loved ones.

The Keep lied to Arum exactly once. It gloats over the fact that it doesn’t know every thought it has.

I think the Keep knew Rilla’s parents. I think the knowledge it withheld from Arum is something related to the two of them.

#the penumbra podcast #second citadel

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theesoopap · 4 years ago

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To Be an Angel Investor Is Easier Than You Think

The good news is that you don’t need to be a millionaire to become a business angel, but there are a lot to learn.

Here is what you should learn.

1. You must not start Big

It can be tempting to throw money at every pitch deck that you receive. There are tons of Start-ups looking for funding every day, in every sector and country on the planet. While everybody talks about the insane multiples achieved by early investors in unicorns like Uber (>2500x), nobody talks about the failures. There is a very high probability that 9 companies out of 10 in your portfolio will eventually fail or barely break-even.

Hence, I strongly advise you to take a very careful approach by first investing relatively small amounts ($6000). This will allow you to invest in different companies and climb up the (steep) learning curve of angel investing.

It is important to understand that anything below $6000 might prevent you from entering most rounds. Crowded cap tables with lots of small shareholders can be difficult to manage for founders. VCs are also not very fond of this.

Don’t forget that there is a very high chance that you will never see the money you invested in these startups again. You have to be able to stomach this.

Be patient, and once you feel comfortable, increase your ticket size. Don’t FOMO, tech is not going away, so there will be plenty of opportunities around once you feel ready. I started too big too early, and have now significantly reduced my ticket size.

2. Count on your peculiarity

A very experienced business angel who lived through the dotcom boom and successfully sold his startup told me one of the most important pieces of advice.

Before you start deciding on the themes you want to invest in, know what you don’t want to touch.

This is key because it will give you more headroom to focus on where you are good at. I decided to exclude social and mobile games because I never really understood the dynamics that were driving these markets. I now feel comfortable passing on these investment opportunities.

On the other hand, you also need to specialize to develop an edge. Use your own experience for that. I worked in Mobility for 4 years, so I had spent a lot of time experiencing first hand what works and what doesn't. Use this proprietary knowledge and leverage it, it will allow you to eventually score your biggest wins.

3. Make your vision and work on it.

Since there is an endless stream of companies looking for funding, I felt overwhelmed at first. How was I suppose to make decisions with this amount of decks to review? Would I eventually FOMO? It quickly became apparent to me that I needed to put a rating system in place to filter out the most promising ones. Most top VCs invest in <1% of the pitch decks they see, and “no” is their standard answer. I decided to apply the same rigor to my approach and build a model.

I used the factors listed as decisive by Peter Thiel in his classic Zero to One and added my touch to it. Companies are rated from 0 to 5 on every factor, and those with a score below 70 are automatically eliminated. I review those with a score above in detail and if they are promising, I meet with the founders.

A simple yet efficient way to filter deals.

It also allows me to keep track of all my decisions and get back to them later. In a few years, I might find out that I passed on a Unicorn. But at least, I’ll know why, and I’ll be able to adapt my ratings if necessary. Then I’ll go crying.

4. Do the unthinkable

You might be perceived as a small fish in a big pond with $6000 tickets and little experience in angel investing, but this doesn’t mean you won’t be able to access good deals. You need to differentiate yourself by offering something most big business angels don’t have: time. If you are a product manager, offer the startup to help them on their roadmap. If you have expertise in growth, assist them in building out their acquisition channels.

Compensate the fact that you will not invest a high $ amount by adding value to the business and by being hands-on, for free. You would be surprised how often this will get you through the door. This will not only be very appreciated by founders but it also allows you to hedge your bets by being active.

Be good, be helpful, and open your network.

Make sure to take important aspects into account: raising funds is time-consuming. It often prevents founders from focusing on their core tasks, i.e. growing their company. Be a good BA and say yes or no quickly, ideally not more than 2 days after you talked to them. Your reputation matters.

5. Streamline your Deals

To invest in the best startups, you have to have access to the best opportunities. While there is an endless flow of pitch decks flying your way, many of them aren’t very interesting. Getting access to the best startups without being a renowned business angel (i.e. mostly successful founders) can be tough. So, as Paul Graham said: do things that don’t scale.

· Screen companies: Subscribe to newsletters in the sectors that interest you the most. Follow the founders of companies that inspire you on Twitter. Set Google alerts on funding. Install the Kima plugin to see their latest deals.

· Cold email Founders: Once you found a promising company, email their founders and give them feedback on their product, be useful. Once they start raising funds, they will remember you.

· Leverage your Network: Ask people around you if they recently tested cool new products. You will be surprised to see how many good leads you will get.

· Build your brand as a Business Angel: Write about it (yes, this medium post falls in this category), Tweet about it, talk about it. Make sure people are aware that you are active. Start generating inbound leads.

· Try Crowdfunding: Did you know that Revolut or Monzo, which are now worth Unicorns, went through multiple rounds of Crowdfunding? The biggest platforms in Europe are Crowdcube or Seedrs. These platforms are great to get dealflow, but be extra careful when reviewing pitch decks, the overall quality tends to be low these days.

· Join a syndicate or a Business Angel Club: Let others do the heavy lifting for you. Bear in mind that some of these clubs/syndicates charge annual fees or require a minimum amount invested.

6. Adaptability is Vital

If you spent a bit of time thinking about your overall investment strategy, you might have heard about Markowitz’s modern portfolio theory. One of its key findings is that diversification reduces risk while allowing you to secure the optimal return. In other words, you don’t put your eggs into one basket. The same applies to startup investments.

Credits: Simeon Simeonov

This chart tells one thing: the more companies you own in your portfolio, the more likely you are to generate a profit. With only 5 companies in your portfolio, you only have only a 50% chance of making your money back. Many angel investors consider 15 to 30 holdings as the sweet spot. On the other hand, having a concentrated portfolio could become hugely profitable if you have a winner in it. But it’s more of a gamble.

Aim for a number of holdings that match your resources. If you want to invest $30000 per year, and your ticket size $6000, you should end up with 15 holdings.

This leads me to another brilliant insight I learned from a veteran investor: startup investments are like wine vintages. Some years are exceptional, and even startups that you weren’t so sure about end up becoming a success. And other years are complete disasters, and all startups go bust. To avoid this, invest in at least 3 different vintages!

My gut feeling tells me that startups raising in 2020, amid a global pandemic, will have a very higher chance of succeeding! Valuations are becoming more reasonable, startups focus on profitability and are frugal when it comes to spending. Now is the time to be aggressive and scout for the best deals.

7. Master your principles

Funding rounds are complex. There is a lot of legal paperwork involved, the terms can be difficult to understand and it’s full of idiosyncratic jargon. Make sure you understand what you are getting yourself into before committing a single €.

Educate yourself about term sheets, valuations, share types, liquidity preferences, etc. There are many great resources out there:

· Ultimate Start-up Funding Guide by Crunchbase

· YC guide about raising a Series A

· Term Sheet by the Galion Project (French)

You might also want to ask a lawyer about the tax implication your investments can have. Be prepared.

8. Double down on the champion

Investing in early-stage startups is a risky business, and there are high chances that most of your companies will go bust or barely break even. However, if you have the chance to own shares in a company that proves to be a success, double down on them by investing in subsequent rounds. This increases the size of this holding in your portfolio and will mechanically reduce the overall risk of your portfolio.

This approach is called “follow-on” and is actively used by VCs. Wondering why? Let’s listen to what Marc Andreesen said, founder of Netscape and one of the most successful VC firms, a16z:

The key characteristic of venture capital is that returns are a power-law distribution. So, the basic math component is that there are about 4,000 startups a year that are founded in the technology industry which would like to raise venture capital and we can invest in about 20.” “We see about 3,000 inbound referred opportunities per year we narrow that down to a couple hundred that are taken particularly seriously… There are about 200 of these startups a year that are fundable by top VCs. … about 15 of those will generate 95% of all the economic returns … even the top VCs write off half their deals.

In other words, these winners will pay for all the failures in your portfolio, and they’ll generate a profit on top. If you don’t take advantage of the power-law and aren’t ready to double down on your outliers, you’ll miss out on most of the opportunities.

To avoid dilution and protect your line, you need to double down. This means that most of your capital will eventually flow into these follow-on investments. Make sure to have a buffer to react quickly.

Wrapping up

Even though everybody thinks they have an edge on other investors, they probably don’t. Unfortunately, both you and I will likely lose 9 out of 10 bets. If the remaining one is the next Zoom, then we will be doing great. Otherwise, we might end up losing money. Some VCs believe most angel investors will end up with a negative IRR on their portfolio. The good news is that most VCs do as well.

Although I’d rather avoid ending up in this situation, I would not regret the investments I made because they allowed me to learn invaluable lessons. If I became a better investor, it’s by actually putting my money where my mouth is. Nothing replaces learning by doing.

However, angel investing should NOT be the backbone of your overall financial strategy. Allocate only a small portion of your net asset (5 to 10%) to these bets, and put the rest of your money in less risky assets like equity and bonds. Best of Luck!

#angelinvestors #angelist #nonprofits #techstartup #theesoopap

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kushaanwriting · 7 years ago

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Day 13: What I Learned After 30 Days of Failing at Meditation

Among the most common practices I’ve seen attributed to success is the art of meditation. Not just how meditation can be a good complement or a good routine — but why meditation is a key driver of success.

Look no further than your average Google search to find a list of articles not just providing meditation as a potential means of moving forward but as a vital requirement.

It wasn't just from these articles; it came from sources I admired and trusted. Some of my business role models, favorite bloggers, and good friends have swore by meditation. Marc Benioff, Oprah Winfrey, and Russell Simmons have all baked it into their daily routine, often citing transcendental insights that come to them only after they’ve meditated. Looking for CEOs who don’t meditate? Good luck. It’s an apparent rite of passage for the average CEO.

I had spent a large part of my early career hearing about the benefits of meditation: more productivity, better sleep, less stress, and long-term health. It seemed like an obvious step forward.

Yet, months of actively acknowledging this desire when people praised meditation in their own life seemed to be doing little. I was eager to start and build a routine, yet was struggling with motivation to do so.

When I found out one of my favorite bloggers, David Cain, was offering a 30 day course on mindfulness and meditation called Camp Calm — I was intrigued. For once every day for thirty days, an email would be sent with a new reflection on mindfulness and guided meditations. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to invest not only in knowledge, but discipline myself to cultivate for thirty days.

I was ready. Day one came and I put my full energy into it — it was all about embracing the present moment.

Set a timer for five minutes. For that few minutes, simply listen to how the present moment sounds. Let the sea of background noise, whatever sounds are present right now, simply happen in your awareness, whatever they are: water running through pipes, trees rustling in the wind, floors creaking.

I set aside a quiet spot in my house, listened intently to my laundry shifting uncomfortably in the dryer downstairs, and marked day one off the calendar.

I felt like I had finally crossed the threshold — gotten to a point where I was able to spend a full five minutes without a thought outside of the noise outside.

This was meditation, I thought. I could do this.

Day two and three passed with similar results — quick five minute exercises of listening to the present moment. I sat in my spot, listening intently to the stove one day and some bickering neighbors the next. Twenty seven days left — Twenty seven days and I would be at the same wavelength of my friends and the Marc Benioffs of the world.

Unfortunately, week one was where it peaked. As the guided meditations got longer and required more periods of silence, I cracked. My will became as weak as a distracted puppy dog — I was able to keep anxious thoughts at bay for a few minutes before they came running back, exasperated by their temporary banishment. I grew tired, bored of guided meditations and sick of trying different breathing exercises. I started making every excuse not to jump back into the silence of meditation — too hungry, too tired, too busy. I overslept alarms I set to meditate and, for a period of four or five days, stopped checking emails altogether.

So why am I writing this? What advice can someone who barely managed to keep a meditation routine for five days share in wisdom?

First — this article may not be for you. You may have a meditation routine that works and perhaps it already does provide the karmic benefits I listed above.

But when I did searched “What happens if you suck at meditation?”, I got nothing. In fact, I got think pieces about how “Sucking at meditation is doing it right”.

I had no idea how stopping the practice altogether was somehow conceded as a win.

It's partly what inspired me to share my own experiences in the hope that this failure was not as isolated. Perhaps a few points of perspective:

Bake Meditation Into An Existing Part of Routine

Yes, as part of the course, I was required to set aside a certain amount of minutes a day to meditate. When I sought to find ten to fifteen minutes a day, I kept thinking of other, more important activities I could be doing in its stead. Instead, stop making it a separate task. Make it part of your existing routine. If you’re riding in an Uber to work, commuting on a train, or even doing a mindless task like taking out the garbage — close your mind a bit. If you’re already multi-tasking, your brain will stop looking for the next best thing you could be doing.

There is No Perfect Time Limit or Breathing Technique

I struggled to meditate for twenty minutes. I barely struggled to meditate for fifteen. What I could do perfectly? Five minutes. Doing five minutes four times a day gave me a lot more pause than sitting through one session for twenty minutes. When I told a friend about it, he admonished me for not following the directions. Just kidding — he didn’t care. He was happy I found something that worked for me. As long as you find something that works for you, just do it. Your health and comfort is more important than what anyone else considers a norm.

Focus on the Goals instead of the Practices

This was my biggest takeaway from meditation — instead of focusing on the meticulous breathing patterns or time limits or instructions, focus on the goals. Is your goal better sleep? Is your goal less stress? Is your goal simply to stop overthinking ideas? Figure out if meditation is even the best way to go about it. I found that meditation wasn’t really helping with sleep and I stopped breaking my neck to try and meditate in the middle of the night. I found meditation wasn’t even the best way to reduce anxiety — for me, mindless television shows on Netflix and a round of racquetball did the trick. I did find meditation helped me with overthinking — the first exercise I did, listening to noise without thinking about where it came from, had practical applications. I was able to diffuse distracting noises from my day to day to really focus on the task at hand. I don’t do it every day — but it certainly comes in handy.

So meditation may not be for you. Meditation may not serve the same purpose for you as it does for Marc Benoiff. You may not meditate as long as Oprah or use the same breathing exercises as Tim Ferriss. In fact, you might be successful without doing any meditation at all. Lots of wonderful people in my life meditate, swear by it, and I can’t be more thrilled for them. I’m grateful to have atleast tried to be on your level — perhaps it will open more doors for me in the future when I least expect it.

(Small plug - I shared Camp Calm with a few friends and many of them loved it; Highly recommend David Cain's blog and his course to someone who could make the most of it!)

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didiletyouknooow · 7 years ago

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59. Around The World

Hey,

I hope you had a great week! My week was a bit busy because I have so much stuff to do for university. But I tried to finish the new chapter. And since the last week was my birthday week I wrote a VERY LONG new chapter!

It took me some time to find the right spots for Eileen’s journey and the pictures. I really hope you like it because I do. And I wish I could do such a journey as well some day.

Now I hope you like the new chapter!

________

April 15th

Hello readers! I finally arrived in Bangkok! It was a hell of a flight and after landing I was so done with everything here. I didn’t even visit the city and was done – at least for day 1. After leaving the airport I took a cab to my hotel and fell into my bed. For my stay here in Bangkok I booked a hotel room but during my roadtrip I will sleep in hostels I guess.

On day 2 I did a typical sightseeing tour through Bangkok. What a big city! And I’m already done with the smog although I know smog from LA. So after asking the people in the hotel I decided to visit the Grand Palace in Bangkok, The Wat Phra Kaeo, the house of Buddha. Afterwards I went to the temple of the Reclining Buddha. I’m still totally overwhelmed by it. Something I’ve never seen before. The culture here in Thailand is so different to our American culture. Btw, surely I also visited the Temple of the Golden Buddha. I took two days to visit all of the great Buddha temple. Then I decided to visit the National Museum and the Wang Na Palace. Can you believe that until the 1970s this was Thailand’s only museum? I was so surprised to hear that! I did a guided tour in English and learned a lot about the history of the country.

What else to tell you about Bangkok? It’s a big city….okay I already mentioned it before. It’s so crowded. I definitely DON’T want to drive a car here. I think I wouldn’t survive. There are definitely places you shouldn’t go alone. I didn’t try any food on the street markets because I was afraid that my stomach wouldn’t like it. But Miranda, whom I met at the guided tour at the National Museum, did and she told me it was very tasty. Miranda is from Chicago and since she’s travelling also on her own, we decided to do some sightseeing activities in Bangkok together. We both liked the Lumpini Park with all its green oasis. When I was sitting there reading a book I didn’t think that I was in Bangkok. All the traffic, all the busy people were far away from me. I definitely want to go back to the Lumpini Park but since I only have three days left in Bangkok I have to make a logistic time schedule, haha.

So, this was my first blog post about my journey! I decided to start this blog so that my friends and family will always know where I am and can read what I experienced, saw and whom I met. Some family members may feel reassured when they can read what I’m doing here (hello mom!).

Thanks for reading!

I think I will do the next blog post when I have Wifi in a hostel somewhere in Thailand….well I hope there will be Wifi on an island.

ByeBye Eileen

April 28th

I just wanted to let you know: I’m still alive! In the last two weeks I traveled through Thailand together with Miranda. We make a great travel duo since we both have the same destinations. I don’t know where to start but Thailand is such a wonderful country. I like the nature. We flew to Ko Phi Phi, did a canoe trip, went to the beach, did a snorkeling trip. Afterwards we traveled to Phang Nga Bay and of course Phuket. Later on we wanted to visit the Smilian Islands but didn’t have time.

So we only did two more beach days and on our last day we visited a rescue center for elephants. Here are people who take care of elephants who had to work at a circus or in shows only to entertain people (mostly tourists). The animal tamer took their honor. It was really heartbreaking to visit this center because many of the elephants are very sick and weak. Anyway….I have some news for you: I changed my plans!

Miranda and I will fly to Tokyo in two days! After five weeks in Thailand I have to leave this wonderful country but I’m so looking forward to my next destinations!

I will keep you updated!

ByeBye Eileen

May 6th

Puuuuuhhhhhhh……Tokyo is confusing but the people here are so nice! Every time you are checking out where to go someone asks if you need help. Okay maybe we both looked totally confused by all these skyscrapers and crowded places and streets. I mean, I’m from LA and I know crowded places, crowded high ways and smog but Tokyo is a huuuuuuge difference. If you want to pass a crossroads you are doing it together with 200 other people. Honestly! But I really like the city. I love the food! I mean, for the first time in my life I had real sushi from Japan!

Miranda and I did all our trips together – just to avoid to get lost haha. She already visited Tokyo a few years ago so she knew some places but it was still very confusing. I mean, everything is so big!

Whatever….we went to the Roppongi Hills Tower and had a great view at the skyline of Tokyo. Although I’m totally afraid of heights I tried to enjoy it because it was really a beautiful view.

So after one week in Tokyo I’m finally on my way to Australia! I’m sooooo excited! I’m flying to Sydney and three days later my lovely brother Marc will join me!

But at the same time this is also a goodbye. Miranda and I have to part our ways. She has to fly back to Chicago because her journey is ending here in Tokyo. She already traveled through Canada, South America, Hawaii, Europe and Thailand. In nine months. That’s a long journey, isn’t it? I take my hat off to her because she did the whole journey on her own! I was the first person she met on her way and wanted to travel with. Honestly, I’m feeling a bit honored. Thank you for showing me around in Thailand and Tokyo, Miranda! I will miss you! Have a safe flight back home. We will definitely meet when I’m back in the States!

But now I have to leave to get to the airport. Little Eileen completely alone in the whole wide world!

ByeBye Eileen

_____

After landing in Sydney I needed a break. I was so sick and tired after arriving in Sydney. The flight did its best. I hated it. Did I ever mention that I’m afraid to fly? Why the hell did I even decide to travel the world?

I took a cab to the airbnb that I booked here. I was so happy that I didn’t book any hostel because I needed time for myself. I needed time to take care of myself. I needed time to rest. So after arriving at this beautiful airnbnb near the Bondi Beach I bought a pizza at the pizzeria near my apartment and went back to the apartment. After eating it I fell into an eleven hour lasting sleep. I needed it. The next day was very relaxing. I breakfasted at the balcony and read a whole book in the following five hours. Afterwards I needed a nap. I was so tired and jet lagged. But I was looking forward to tomorrow when my brother would arrive. Originally it was planned that I would stay on my own for ten days here in Sydney and maybe travel through the country for a few days but I changed my plans when Miranda asked me to come to Tokyo with her. I mean, what a crazy conversation it was:

Miranda: “I think it won’t be easy travelling solo after these two weeks with you here in Thailand” Me: “You’re going to Tokyo, right?” Miranda: “Yes”

She looked at me and suddenly said these words I was already expecting.

Miranda: “Um, what about joining me?” Me: “Well, I’ve already booked my flights for Sydney” Miranda: “Yeah but you can change them. I know some tricks” Me: “Really? And it isn’t too expensive?” Miranda: “No….”

So two hours later it was safe.

Me: “Wow, now I’m going to Tokyo with you” Miranda: “Life can be so easy when you’re spontaneous”

And she was right. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made! Going to Japan was great! What an experience. I was totally culture shocked but I love this city! I definitely want to go back some day.

It was a bit sad leaving Miranda behind. But Tokyo was her last destination. I mean, she already traveled the whole world I guess. It wasn’t her first world trip. She already traveled the world after leaving school. But this was fifteen years ago. For her nine months lasting trip she started last year she saved some money but she also makes money while being on the road. She’s a blogger and an IT expert and is working as a free lancer. I still don’t how the hell she is working as an IT free lancer but she had so many interesting stories to tell! I think it’s obvious that she was the one who created my blog. I mean, I don’t have any knowledge in IT.

In the evening I went to the beach and watched some surfers. I felt so old because these people here looked all so very young! But maybe it was only because of the fresh air and the sun? I had the feeling the people here didn’t have to go to work because they were surfing during the day and partying at night. I think my flat was in a typical party street because I saw a lot of party people on my way back home that night.

The next day was THE day. Marc’s flight finally landed. I counted the hours until I could hug my brother. I squeezed him so much that he almost couldn’t breathe. Sorry, brother! But I was so happy to see someone familiar. Although travelling with Miranda was a great experience and I also liked being on my own for a few days, I have to admit that I missed my family. And I missed my friends. I missed LA so much.

So when I put my arms around Marc it was like coming home for a few seconds. I closed my eyes and imagined to be at LAX. I always hugged my brother this way when either he or I arrived at LAX. “How was your flight?” I asked him. “The worst” he said and took his backpack. Marc was the perfect Australian backpack tourist. He just looked like a real surfer boy with his blonde hair. Okay, he even lived here for a few years and everything started as a backpacking trip so maybe it wasn’t that surprising that he looked like a real Aussie.

Back in our apartment we relaxed for a while and went to a restaurant afterwards. Marc looked tired but he kept me entertained. He always had a good story to tell. Surely he told me everything about his kids who grew up so fast during the last three years that I was living in Berlin. Oh my gosh, it was such a long time! “I can’t believe that Noel is already going to school!” “He is! And his favorite subject is Math!” “Whaaat? Are you really his dad?” I laughed out loud. “No one in the Puritz family likes Math. Never!” Marc and I shared a laugh and enjoyed our beer on our first night together in Sydney.

Our real journey started the next day with a trip through the city. We visited the Opera House, the Harbour Bridge, Darling Harbour and Royal Botanic Gardens. Since Marc was some kind of native here he showed me around and little Eileen was totally impressed by everything she saw this day.

Since it wasn’t that hot yet we went to the beach in the following days. While I was sunbathing Marc was reading or buying ice cream. He was such a good travel buddy! We both took a bath in the ocean and I even got a surf lesson. Sometimes it can be good to have a brother who was working here as a surf teacher for a few years. Marc was a real drill instructor! And I felt like the worst student ever. I just couldn’t do it. I was afraid to surf. But Marc did his best to teach me the basics during this week.

While we were on our way to the Great Barrier Reef I was typing my next blog post.

May 20th

Greetings from Down Under! Marc and I are having the time of our lives here – okay maybe only I’m having the time of my life since I’ve never been here before and Marc even lived here for two years. He’s not that impressed by Sydney anymore, like I am. But he’s happy to be back. Back where everything started. If he wouldn’t have traveled to Australia a few years ago, he wouldn’t have met his wife. Oh my, I’m getting emotional….I have to stop it!

So what did we do here? Of course Marc showed me around in Sydney. I love this city! It kind of reminds me of LA sometimes but then I’m hearing this British-Australian accent and I know I’m not in LA haha. We spent a lot of time at the Bondi Beach and I didn’t get any sunburn! See mom, I’m definitely an adult now.

Now we’re on our way to the Great Bareer Cliff. We’re doing a boat trip and we will stay in the area for a few days until our way leads us to the Uluru. I’m so excited to be in the outback already!

We’re already here for two weeks and we will stay another four weeks! Then we’ll travel to Hawaii. Marc wanted to go there. I wasn’t really planning to visit Hawaii but now I’m excited too (after googling the top spots haha). Then our journey will lead us to Argentina, Brazil, Venezuela and Mexico. Marc will travel with me to Argentina and Brazil but then I’m solo again. But who cares. It’s an exciting journey no matter if you’re with someone or totally on your own!

I will write again when we’re back in Sydney in one week!

ByeBye Eileen

______

“Wow what a long car trip” I said exhausted and fell to the bed. We were finally back in Sydney after a trip through the outback for eight days. Marc rent a jeep and so we started our way through the “pampa” as Lara would call it. The great Australian outback. I really liked the outback. The nature was so impressive. We even visited a national park and yes, I saw some kangaroos. Such cute animals.

But I was happy to be back in the city again. It was very hot here in Sydney so I didn’t want to go outside the next day. More than 40 degrees. Urgh.

I stayed at home while Marc got up very early to go surfing early in the morning when it wasn’t that hot yet. I preferred staying in bed the whole day. Okay not the whole day. Maybe it was the first day during my whole journey that I didn’t want to do anything. Just relaxing. I noticed while travelling that I’m not a typical chilling-traveller. Just lying in bed all day, reading, relaxing or maybe some Netflix was fine but I could do that at home as well, right? So I got up every day to get out of the house, to do something. I wanted to see something, watch people, eat delicious food, talk to people, take a walk, enjoy the culture and explore new places. I think I was a very annoying travel buddy because I needed action all the time.

But today I didn’t want to. I just laid here in my bed and got up at 11am to take a shower. Suddenly I heard the door knocking. Okay, um, who did want to visit us? I didn’t know anyone here except of Marc and he definitely took his keys with him this morning because they weren’t on the key board. But what if he lost it?

I left the shower and went to the door half naked – just a towel covered the most important parts of my body – because I thought that it was Marc who knocked. But I was wrong. There was a guy standing in front of me. Um, well….fuck. “Hey Eileen” he said. Okay, the guy knew my name. That was creepy! He looked at me and I searched in my brain for any information about this guy. Maybe I knew him as well but didn’t remember him?

Suddenly I realized who he was. “Ben!” I said surprised. “You needed some time to remember my name, right?” he laughed. “Um, yes, sorry” “Not about that” I grinned. “Um, is Marc here?” he asked. Okay, Ben knew that Marc was here. But he obviously didn’t know that Marc was out for surfing – or Marc forgot that he invited Ben? Why was Ben even here? He was from Germany! “Marc is surfing at the beach” I told Ben. “Oh okay” Ben said. “I thought he’s here. He told me the address where you two would stay so I thought I’m coming over” “But I bet he’s back in two hours.” I told him. Ben didn’t really answer me so I asked him why he was here in Down Under. “I’m travelling. I needed a break” “Oh just like me” I laughed. “Well, do you want to come in?” “Sure” he said and followed me insides. I felt so stupid in my towel that was so short he could almost see my butt... “Um, take a seat, I’m just….I’m looking for some clothes” I told him. “Do it” he grinned and went into the kitchen.

I ran into the bathroom and almost fell down while taking on my jeans. It was too tight. I hated it. I hated my thighs and these skinny jeans. Who created this trend? And why did I even like these pants????

Back in the kitchen I saw that Ben was looking at my computer. My blogdomain was opened because I was writing a little bit before showering. “Sorry, I didn’t do anything here. I just read a bit” he said. “It’s okay” I said. Okay, it was a bit weird that I caught him reading at my computer. But I think he felt more embarrassed and caught that I felt when I opened the door half naked. “So, how are you?” I wondered. “We haven’t seen each other in years” The last time I saw him was seven years ago.

“Great” he grinned and started telling me about his past years when he was still working on music. He recorded a few records and released them and even toured through Germany but that’s it “And I heard you dated Sebastian” he suddenly said. “Um, yes I did. We were dating for three years” “Such a long time. And you survived it that the band became famous in such a short time” “Well, I get used to it” I joked. “I already knew the feeling of being the girlfriend of a guitar player” “Oh right, Marc told me….this Red Hot Chili Peppers guy, right?” “Yep” “How did that end?” “Well, first he broke up, we got back together and then I broke up. That’s it” “Doesn’t sound that romantic” “It was….but…..he was so busy, I didn’t want to live this lifestyle anymore. A lot happened during that time” “Hm….” ”What about you? Your girlfriend?” “She cheated on me” “What?” “Yes…” ”I’m sorry about that….” I said. “It’s okay” “So that’s the reason why you needed a break?” Ben nodded.

We sat down at the balcony and proceeded chatting. Ben was such a cool and funny guy. But he was also very emotional and thoughtful. Although I didn’t really like the music he did I like talking to him. I could understand that Marc like him so much. They even shared an apartment when Marc was living in Berlin for a while almost ten years ago. “So Marc is a father of two now….wow” Ben said when I was showing him photos of my niece and my nephew” “He is” I smiled happy. “And he met the girl here in Australia?” “Yes….she’s American but she visited his surf curs and well….they met afterwards” I laughed. “Funny story” Ben agreed.

Speaking of Marc. He just came home. I heard the door opening.

“What the fuck maaaaan” was the first thing he said when he saw Ben. The two shared a typical buddy hug – and it lasted very long! While Marc and Ben couldn’t stop talking I decided to write a little bit more for my next blog post but couldn’t find a mood to write. “Hey sis, do you want to eat something? We want to go to the best burger restaurant at Bondi Beach?” Marc asked me. “Sure, why not”

After having the best burger in Sydney we enjoyed our beer at the beach. Sometimes my brother had the best ideas ever. “Life can be so easy” I said. “Just go to the beach with a bottle of beer and watch the sunset” I said. “It is” Ben smiled at me. Suddenly a group of guys approached us. It turned out that Marc knew these guys from the surfing club. He started talking to them and later they asked him if he wants to join them to go partying. He didn’t know if he should agree but I could see in his eyes that he wanted to go partying so bad. “Go!” I told him and laughed. “Sure? Can I let you two alone here?” “We’re old enough” I rolled my eyes. Marc looked at Ben. “I take care of her” he assured him.

So Marc left together with the surfing guys and let me alone with Ben at the beach. The sun was already going down. Honestly, it was a really beautiful moment but it felt a bit weird to share it with someone I barely knew. “Doesn’t it look beautiful?” Ben asked into the silence and pointed at the sky. “It does!” “Hey, what about a walk at the beach?” “Sure!” So we walked at the beach. It wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be. Ben wasn’t flirty or weird at all. Maybe I was the one who questioned the whole situation because I found myself looking at Ben wondering how cute he was. Wtf? Did I just say that I thought my brother’s mate was cute? Oh well….

Ben brought me back home safety. “Hey um, what are you doing tomorrow?” “Probably packing my backs because we have to catch the flight to Hawaii in two days” “Wow….what a great explanation” Ben laughed. “I never asked a woman what she’s going to do the next day and she answers ‘I’m packing my bags for Hawaii’” “See, now it happened” I grinned. “But what about visiting a theme park tomorrow?” “Um” I was a bit overwhelmed by his question. “A theme park?” “Yes….unless you’re not really into roller coasters” “Depends” I laughed. “So…do you want to go?” “Sure….when?” “I will pick you up at 9am” “Okay, cool” I smiled. “Cool” Ben smiled, hugged me goodbye and turned around. Okay, why was I grinning after closing the door?

The next day started very early because I really had to pack my bag before heading to the theme park with Ben. I was afraid that I couldn’t have time for it tonight because Marc and I wanted to go out for dinner one last time here in Australia. Ben took me to a vintage theme park where many of the roller coasters were from the 60s. I liked the atmosphere here. We could even walk to the ocean because the theme park was directly placed at the ocean. I liked this place so much. I liked Australia so much. And I liked this day. Ben and I laughed a lot and we never went out of topics to talk about. He was very talkactive lately and so was I.

He didn’t force me to drive a roller coaster I didn’t want to. When he wanted to drive one I didn’t want to I just waited for him outside. Afterwards he bought us ice cream. Oh well, I felt like a teenager. I was grinning and laughing and totally forgot about the time. Suddenly Ben took my hand while we were walking through the park. Okay, what happened here? But although I was questioning it I didn’t stop it. I let him hold my hand because I….liked it? Did I really like it? When we were doing a short break on a bench from where you we had a great view at the ocean he looked at me. He was so close. I felt very nervous because I didn’t know what was happening here. I didn’t want to date any guy – this was my mantra for my journey! “No guys!” – Not for a date, not for a kiss, not for holding hands and not for anything more.

But now that I was sitting here with Ben I totally forgot about my philosophy.

When I was looking into these blue eyes I forgot everything. I looked at his tattooed arms and suddenly he turned my head so I looked back into his eyes and then he kissed me.

“What are we doing here?” I asked after many kisses we shared. “Um, kissing?” “Yes but why?” “Because I wanted to….I hope you wanted it too?” “I did!” I smiled and kissed him again. “But” I kept talking. “Why the hell did I have to kiss a friend of my brother in Down Under?” “That’s just life” Ben grinned. “Well….” My phone was ringing. I didn’t want to take it but Ben told me to take it because it could be Marc. And he was right. “Eileen, where are you? I’m waiting at the restaurant outside”

OH FUCK!

“I really have to go now” I told Ben in a hurry. “I totally forgot that Marc and I wanted to have dinner tonight” “Should I drive you?” Ben asked. “I don’t know….I don’t want him to know that….” ”We spent the day together?” Ben laughed. I nodded. “Don’t worry about that” he told me and we got into the car.

When Ben and I arrived at the restaurant Marc was looking at us with a weird and questioning face. “Where were you?” “Um, we were just in this theme park and Ben drove me here….sorry I forgot that…” ”Whatever, let’s get in. And please mate, join us” Marc told us and clapped his buddy on the shoulder.

I noticed that Marc was watching Ben and me and I guess it was obvious that we both behaved a bit weird. One hour ago we were still sitting at this bench kissing and now we pretended that nothing happened. “How’s your steak?” Marc asked me. “Excellent!” I answered him. He didn’t look convinced. “So tomorrow we have to leave the airbnb at 10am to get to the airport. We’ll arrive in Hawaii at night.” “Oh okay….and you booked another airbnb right?” I asked Marc. He was looking at Ben who seemed very nervous in front of Marc. It was quite funny to watch – if I wouldn’t feel the same because it was so obvious that something happened between Ben and me. But Marc didn’t say anything. “Yes” he answered to my question. “We have an airbnb in Honolulu” he said without stopping to look at Ben. “Does anyone want to have a desert?” my brother asked. Ben and I shook our heads. “Good, I’m going home now because I’m very tired. Eileen, do you want to come with me or do you stay here with Ben?” Wow, why did my brother always ask the most embarrassing and difficult questions? I didn’t know how to answer because I didn’t know if it was a rhetorical question or not. Maybe he already realized what happened between Ben and me and he wanted to see my reaction to his question? But Marc’s phone rang and he left. “Whatever, I’m leaving, Ben you take her home safety, okay?” my brother told his mate.

“Wow, that was super weird” I said to Ben when Marc has left. “It was” he agreed with me. We paid the bill and went to the beach. I wanted to spent my last night here in Australia at the beach. Ben and I were very chill about the whole situation now. We both agreed that it was just a nice day and a few kisses that happened – nothing more. “Wow, I can’t believe that I will sit at another beach in 24 hours but then in Hawaii” “I can’t believe it either” Ben said. We were sitting in the sand that got colder in the evening. “Why do you have to leave?” He asked me. “Because that’s my trip. I planned it” “Why don’t you stay for a little while? We can do a trip in the outback” he suggested. “Well, I already did it with my brother last week” “I know” he seemed a bit sad. But suddenly he started tickling me. “Oh no Ben, please stop” I laughed. “No” he grinned. He kept doing it until I laid down in the sand. When Ben was laying on top of me we looked into each others eyes. It felt like an eternity for while. Like no one else was here. Maybe there weren’t any people here at the beach at night but….

We kissed again but this time it was more passionate and even a bit wild. When I rolled on top I realized how annoying the sand was. “Can we please go to a place without sand?” I asked laughing and knocked off the sand from my clothes. “We can” Ben grinned and we went to his car.

Back in his car we kept kissing before he started driving it to his apartment. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I didn’t know why but I wanted this. I wanted it so badly. When we were finally in his apartment everything happened very fast. We kept kissing and took off our clothes on our way to his bedroom.

I felt his kisses everywhere and I just wanted to move on. I always kept in my mind that I had to get up early to catch the flight. Seemed like Ben noticed my worries. “Stop thinking, okay?” he told me and then kissed me very emotional. Wow, I never experienced such an emotional kiss. And I wasn’t even in love! It didn’t feel like making love but it definitely felt good. Ben wasn’t a stranger I just met. He was a friend from Marc and I already knew him before. I think I still didn’t want to hook up with strangers again after this night in New Orleans a few years ago. “I can’t believe I slept with my friend’s sister” Ben started to laugh when we were lying in his bed. “Don’t say it out loud” I warned him. “Sorry….but it’s just a weird story. I mean, I came here to forget my ex. And now I ended up in bed with you….crazy story” “That’s right….” I said. “But I really liked it….I hope you did enjoy it too!” “Oh I did” “I heard it” he grinned. “Sorry” “It’s okay….I’m a stranger here. My neighbors don’t know me” “Good” “But….you don’t tell Marc, do you?” “I wont” I promised. “It would be very weird” “Oh yes it would” “I don’t want to sleep now” I told him. “Why?” “Because then I can’t look into these perfect blue eyes” “Oh stop being so flattering” he grinned. “Sorry, just the truth!” I let him know. “I can be very flattering and cheesy too” “Really?” “Yes!” “Tell me!” “I once wrote a song that started with ‘They’re making babies, we’re making love’. What do you say now?” “Okay….that sounds VERY cheesy” I laughed. “Did you write it for your ex?” “Yes…when we were still dating” “Hm….” I didn’t know what to say. “Are you over it?” “Not yet….please don’t think I just used you to forget her. I didn’t. I really like you and thought you’re cute….I liked this night we have but…” ”Everything stays in Down Under, I understand” I responded. “I think the same. It was a great night but I have to sleep now because I have to catch a flight to Hawaii tomorrow” “Please don’t mention Hawaii that often” Ben rolled his eyes. I boxed him into his stomach and laughed. “I have to sleep now so goodnight German dude” “Nightynight” he grinned and kissed me one last time.

I woke up at 7am. Ben drove me back to my apartment. We shared one last kiss until I wanted to left his car. But he pulled me back. “Just one selfie okay?” he asked me. “Um, okay why not” “I want to collect my memories from….” ”….from all the one night stands you have here” I joked. “No” he looked at me with a serious face. “I just want to collect memories from my holiday here and you’re one of them” “Oh…..don’t be cheesy” “sorry” So he took the picture and then we shared the very last kiss until I left his car. I waved back at him until I opened the door and disappaeard in the house.

When I opened the door of the apartment – I really tried to be carefully and quiet – Marc was standing in the kitchen looking at me as if I would be an alien. “Don’t tell me you hook up with Ben” were the first words he asked me. Wow. He was super mad at me I guess. “Um, why?” “Because I know you did….you didn’t come home last night. You spent your whole day with him yesterday….Eileen, why?” “Why not? I’m 34 years old. He’s 35 years old. I guess we’re old enough, don’t you think?” “Yes but….he’s my friend!” “Well, you two didn’t see each other in years!” “Yes but…he’s still a friend of mine and I find it weird to know that one of my friends fucked my little sister the whole night” “MARC!” I stopped him. I didn’t want to hear his words. “It’s just the truth. I don’t want to imagine what you two did last night!” “Then just stop caring about it. We just had fun, that’s it” “He’s a hooker” “Marc, honestly stop talking like that about a friend of yours. Ben is a nice guy and he actually traveled to Australia to forget about his ex with whom he even was engaged but who cheated on him. So who’s the hooker, hm?” “Eileen, I just want to take care of you. I don’t want you to get hurt” “Marc, honestly, I’m old enough to know what’s good for me and when I want to have fun with a friend of yours, I’m going to do it, okay? Stop acting like I’m still 18!” I told him in an angry voice. “Then stop messing around with guys like him” “He’s a cool and nice guy okay?” “Whatever” Marc shook his head and went back to his room to pack his bag. I did the same. We didn’t talk with each other until landing in Hawaii.

June 4th

Hello from HAWAII! What a great greeting haha. I always wanted to do it. I never thought I would visit this beautiful US State. I LOVE the landscape, the nature, the beaches, the ocean….I just love Hawaii. I think I never want to leave it. But I have to.

We’re here for one week now and we only have three days left. Since it was a very spontaneous decision to travel to Hawaii and we got very cheap flight tickets we decided to do it. Marc always wanted to go to Hawaii some day. When he was a little kid he always asked our parents when we will go to Hawaii for the holidays. But my parents always had to disappoint him because our family never traveled to Hawaii.

But 38 years later he finally arrived here. Marc surfed and just enjoyed the ocean and the beach while I was sunbathing and eating as many coco nuts as I could. Oh I love it! Hey mom, we’re having the best time of our lives! Hope you’re all fine!

After a being in a bad mood during our flight to Hawaii where Marc and I didn’t talk with each other – I won’t mention the reason, I just tell you that Marc is a little diva sometimes – we finally get along very well again. We visited some vulcanos, many beaches, looked at palm trees, did a boat trip and I watched Marc surfing. We’re still looking for the best burger restaurant in Honolulu – we’re having three days left to find it!

So, stay safe. I will write again when we’re landed in Brazil!

ByeBye Eileen

June 10th

Wow, I’m so tired. I think I’ve never been so tired in my life. After 21 hours of flying we finally landed in Lima, Peru. Originally we wanted to fly to Argentina but the tickets were too expensive. So we decided to fly to Peru. We were staying here for two days until we went to a journey to Machu Picchu. IT WAS THE BEST IDEA I EVER HAD ON THIS JOURNEY! Okay, I think I already mentioned it. But it was definitely the best idea I ever had on this journey. How could I travel to South America but don’t think about visiting Machu Picchu? It was such a great experience. You feel like in a total parallel universe when you arrive there. The nature is just wonderful. I can’t find words to describe it!

It was pure nature and I never felt so free in my life.

We’re about to catch a flight to Rio in a few hours. I don’t want to. I’m still jet lagged from the flight to Peru but well…that’s the negative side of the journey, right?

So I’m writing you again when we’re landed safety in Brazil.

Happy Birthday Mom!!!! Best wishes from Marc and Me!

ByeBye Eileen

June 25th

Today I’m writing directly from the beach. But not any beach, no, I’m actually sitting under a sunshade at the COPACABANA! Yes, you read it right. I’m at the Copacabana right now. Marc and I arrived here a few days ago. We already visited the statue of Christ, the Copacabana and Ipanema, the Nationalpark Tijuca in the rain forest. We also went to Santa Teresa, the sugar leaf (yes I overcame my fear of heights!) and we watched boys playing football in the streets. We even went to the Carragas Islands and I think I never saw such a wonderful ocean.

I had a lot of cocktails – of course Caipirihna! - and ate so much tasty food! I love Brazil! I went to a lot of museums and even drove into places and districts that aren’t that touristic. But Mom, don’t be afraid. I met so many nice people. If you would leave LA then you would notice that the world isn’t a scary and unsafe place. Actually, it is a wonderful place. I think I never felt so good and relaxed than here in Brazil.

We’re already staying here for ten days and we have two days ahead. But then Marc and I have to say goodbye to each other because my brother has to go back to LA. After six weeks of travelling with him I will definitely miss it to see his snoring face every morning and watch him surfing. I will miss his strong will to find the best burger restaurant in every city we’re staying (we already found it here haha). Marc, thank you for joining me and sorry that I can be such a spoiled brat sometimes.

I will miss you!

Sorry readers for getting a little bit emotional here….but I had to.

My next destination will be Venezuela. I will leave Rio in three days and will stay there for ten days. Afterwards I will travel to Mexico and then back to California.

I’m excited and looking forward to another six weeks of travelling. This time I’m totally on my own and it will be the longest time ever that I will be travelling alone. I’m excited!

If you’re in Venezuela or Mexico or so….don’t be afraid to join me haha.

I will update again after arriving in Caracas, Venezuela!

ByeBye Eileen

July 14th

Sorry that I haven’t updated yet but I needed some time offline. I explored so many great places during the past two weeks. I decided to travel through Venezuela for a little bit longer because it’s such a beautiful country!

I visited the National Park Canaima and watched the tallest waterfall in the world! Can you believe it? Wow, I was so impressed by it! I can’t find words to describe it. I hope my pictures can show you how impressing this waterfall is! You should definitely visit it one day. And did you know that it was the inspiration for “Avatar”? I still never watched this movie but I was told that it was the inspiration for it. So obviously even James Cameron visited this beautiful piece of earth.

Do you remember I mentioned that I loved the Copacabana? Well, sorry Brazil….but I think you lost your pole position to Los Roques! It’s an archipelagic Island 170 kilometers away from Caracas. It’s in the middle of the Caribbean sea and I just fell in love with it! Wow….I didn’t know that such beauty exists in the world. I stayed there for a while and just enjoyed it.

Being on my own wasn’t very lame or boring. It was quite the contrary! I was always busy because I noticed that I’m a traveler who needs action. I always want to see something, go to a special place….I think I already mentioned it before. So I was very busy in Venezuela but I also enjoyed the silence here.

After enjoying the silence I needed some action again….so I went to Mérida to drive with the highest and second longest cable car in the world!

Did I ever mention that I’m afraid of heights? Well, I did. But I wanted to visit it so badly. So I just forgot about my fear and just did it. You know, sometimes you should just do it!

So I did and although I was a bit shaking when arriving on top of it, I could enjoy the view. Wow. Thank you for this beauty, mother nature.

My last destination in Venezuela was Caracas. I heard a lot about this city and I really did take care. I went to the Galería de Arte Nacional and found the best burger restaurant again. Marc, honestly, this was the second best burger on my journey!

I’m now in my hotel room packing my bag. I will leave Caracas tomorrow morning. I’m excited and happy. Venezuela was the first country I totally visited on my own. I don’t want to say that travelling on my own was better but I experienced so much and I appreciated everything a little bit more. I’m just happy that I’m able to do this journey.

So, goodbye for now. I will update again when I’m in Mexico.

ByeBye Eileen

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It was 8am in the morning and it was my third day in Mexico. Yesterday I visited the Teotihuacán Pyramid. It was impressing! I made a lot of pictures but it also was the first day on my journey that I didn’t feel like doing anything. I only went to the pyramid because I didn’t want to spent the whole day in my hotel room. I guess for the first time on my journey I felt totally alone and lonely.

After going back to my hotel I went to have dinner in the evening. I didn’t really enjoy it. I didn’t really enjoy anything here.

July 20th

I just want to give you a short update. I’m still alive and I’m in Mexico right now. I didn’t have a good start here. Mexico City isn’t my thing so I decided to check out of my hotel room and took a prior flight to Tulum as planned. I visited the Maya ruins and just enjoyed my day there. The weather was better, the fresh air was way better than in Mexico City and I just felt better here. Of course I went to the beach as well.

But although I did have a good time here I didn’t feel well.

Maybe that’s something everyone is experiencing on a longer joroueny. I don’t know. I just wanted to let you know, that I’m fine. I will do a longer update when I’m in a better mood.

ByeBye Eileen

______________

After dinner I went back to the beach and just sat down in the sand. I watched the ocean and thought about my whole journey and about my whole life.

Now I was almost 35 and I quit my job. I probably have a doctor’s degree but what does it mean? I have to find a job when I’m back home. Again. My whole life was made of job hunting. For almost ten years now. I was so sick of it. I finally wanted to find a job I could stay in. But maybe that was the problem of my generation. I knew that I wouldn’t stay in my first job my whole life just like my parents did – if they wouldn’t have moved to the States. But even then they found a job and never changed it. Now my both parents were pensioners and they loved it. But what about me? Only three weeks to go and then I would be back home in LA. Of course, I missed my home. I lived in Berlin for three years and only visited LA a couple of times during that time. I missed my parents, my friends, everyone who lived there whom I loved.

And suddenly I thought of Josh. It was the first time during my journey that I was thinking of him. Mostly I was thinking of Sebastian but right now there was Josh on my mind. I wondered what he was doing now. If he was still with Helen and if he was happy with her? I didn’t hear from him in a while. We didn’t really stay in contact. Especially after this confusing situation in New York in February it would feel weird to text or even to call him. I don’t know if I really broke up with Sebastian because I thought about Josh too much. Maybe. I think only my heart knows the answer but it didn’t tell me yet. I had to figure it out. Fact was that I was wondering what he was doing now. Maybe they were on tour again, I didn’t know. Maybe he was on vacation with Helen and her daughter. I still couldn’t believe that he really moved in with them. It was so not Josh. It wasn’t him. He must really love Helen if he moved in with her so early in the relationship. Maybe he found his love? But what about me….did I lost my love? But which of my two big loves? Both?

Suddenly there was a thought in my mind I couldn’t stop thinking about. What if….what if he and Helen were having a baby soon? I mean, she already had a daughter. I bet she was ready to start a family with him. And he was 40 years old….he should be ready. Right? I noticed a weird feeling down in my stomach. It felt totally unreal to think about Josh being a father. A real father. Not just a step father. I imagined how he would hold the newborn baby in his hands and….I had to puke.

I felt a bit embarrassed and checked if someone saw it. I wasn’t alone at the beach. Here were many tourists and especially couples in love who were watching the sunrise. But I guess no one noticed it.’ But why did I react like that while thinking about Josh becoming a father? I didn’t know.

What I knew was that I felt so sad suddenly. I felt like someone pulled out my heart and smashed it into pieces. But why did I felt like this? Why did I feel so alone and lonely? And then I knew.

I missed my baby.

I missed this unborn child who would have turn four in November. The tears were streaming down my face. I cried and cried and even screamed. It was the first time ever that I really realized that I lost my baby. Since the accident happened and the doctors told me, I never really thought about it. I just accepted it. While Josh was suffering so much I was just done with it and moved on. I was totally unemotional about it. But now that I was sitting at a Mexican beach totally on my own I realized what I really lost. I lost my baby. And I had to travel around the world to realize it. I only spent eleven weeks with it. And it wasn’t even born. What a tragedy. Mother nature, why are you so cruel? You can make such beautiful landscapes and wonders but….why are you so cruel to some people in the world? What did we do to you?

I wondered if Josh was over it. It was four years ago….he should be over it. If he ever wondered what our child would have been like? If it would have been a boy or a girl? It would attend the school in two years….I could be a mother of an almost four year old child now. And Josh would be the father. Even if we would have broken up in the meantime we would still be connected through our child. Forever. But now I was sitting here alone in Mexico, wondering about my life while Josh was probably happy with another woman.

The question was….did I even want to share my life again with Josh? Or maybe with Sebastian? I thought about him as well. I loved him. And I missed him throughout my whole journey. I didn’t want to tell myself that I was missing Sebastian so badly but the truth was – I did. I thought about him more than about Josh.

And now there was this question on my mind: Can you really have two loves of your life? And can you really lose both of them?

I had the feeling that I had to do something. I had to change my situation right now. I thought about calling Josh. But I was afraid. What if he was still with Helen? There was no sign that they broke up. Molly didn’t tell me anything because I told her before my journey that she shouldn’t tell me about Josh. I wanted to forget him. Maybe there were news, who knew. But I felt bad for asking her because her mother was sick again and I didn’t want to annoy my friend with such a stupid question. So I thought about calling Josh. I mean, why not? I shouldn’t care, right? I just wanted to know how he was doing. Maybe we would have a nice talk and then I would hang up and go back to my hotel room. And that’s it. I was nervous when I called his number and the seconds until he picked up the phone felt like an eternity. But it wasn’t him that picked up the phone. There was a girl speaking. “Hello?” she was asking. I was shocked. First I thought that it could have been a new girl he hooked up with but it wasn’t. “Hello, here’s Emma. Josh is showering. Should I tell him something? Who is there?” she said.

And I hung up.

Emma was picking up his phone. Emma, the daughter of his girlfriend Helen. So I assumed that he was still living with Helen and Emma. I mean, why should Emma pick up the phone if Josh and Helen would have broken up? It didn’t make sense.

So I called Sebastian.

______

August 12th

WELCOME TO CALIFORNIA!

I can’t believe I did it! I’m back home now! We just arrived in LA! On my last weeks Sebastian joined me and we had the craziest road trip I ever did! We drove from Mexico to California.

First we stopped in San Diego to do a short stop at the Comic Con - you know, Sebastian is a huuuuuge comic fan. While I’m only knowing about this Comic Con because I adored Seth Cohen from The O.C. so much. I’ve never seen so many crazy covered people on the streets. No matter where you go, there is always a Spiderman or Joker. Whatever.

After spending a few days in San Diego we drove Newport Beach! The home of The O.C. The TV show obviously chased us. I love the beaches in Newport Beach! We spent most of the time at the beach, had cocktails and even found another great burger restaurant.

I definitely have to go back to Newport Beach some day! It’s not that far away from LA, right? So after spending a few chilling days at the beach we drove to San Bernardino to drive back home and make a short trip on the Route 66!

Freedom. I just felt free.

So after three weeks of road tripping we finally saw a sign. The LA sign at the streets.

Welcome back home.

I even cried a bit after seeing it.

I’m finally back home. After living in Berlin for three years and travelling the world for four more months.

Hello back California, my old friend <3

Hello again, LA, City of Angels.

THE END OF MY JOURNEY

______

“I can’t believe we’re finally in LA!” Sebastian said after pointing at the big sign in front of us that said “Welcome to the City of Los Angeles”. I felt home. I couldn’t believe it. After almost four years of living abroad and four months of travelling the world afterwards I came finally home. I started to cry. “Such an emotional moment, hm?” Sebastian asked me. I was so glad that he was driving because I wouldn’t be in the mood for it. “Yes” I sobbed.

After I called Sebastian three weeks ago we talked for hours and hours on the phone. We both realized that we missed each other so much. He decided to come to Mexico. I was totally overwhelmed by his decision but I also felt happy to know that I would see him again very soon. Two days later he landed and after one day in Mexico City we rent a car and did a road trip through Mexico and California.

We traveled as friends. Nothing happened. We had many long talks at night, watched the sunrise and the sunset and had breakfast at the beach. We stopped at very lonely places and realized the beauty of these places.

I didn’t know if I was still loving Sebastian. But right now I was happy that he was here with me.

We knocked at my parents house and of course my mom started to cry when she saw me. They didn’t expect me to come because I didn’t tell them. I wanted it to be a surprise. We hugged for such a long time and afterwards my mom cooked her perfect Bolognese and I told them everything about my journey. Of course they were both surprised that I wasn’t alone and that Sebastian was with me because they thought it was over. But I guess they noticed that we were only here as friends.

Later that night – Sebastian already fell asleep in the guest room – my mother and I shared a bottle of wine. “Eileen, I’m so happy that you’re back in LA. I hope that this time you stay.” She said. “I hope so too. I mean, I want to. I figured out on my journey that I don’t want to live that far away anymore. At least not abroad” “Didn’t you say your former boss has a job for you?” “Hm….yes, but I don’t know this is what I want to do.” “Teaching? At university? I thought you love it? You did your PhD!” “I know….I did. But you know, this life as a teacher at university isn’t easy. You have to publish every once in a while because otherwise you lost your job. I don’t know if I can stand the pressure. I don’t want to….to be honest. I’m 34, I just want to have a job and enjoy my life. Without pressure. Maybe I try to find a job as a writer and journalist. I mean, I already worked for newspapers before moving to Berlin a few years ago. I love writing. When I was writing for my blogpost I realized how much I love writing” “Hm….but isn’t this business a shark tank?” “Mom” I rolled my eyes. “It’s a normal business” “But it isn’t easy” “It isn’t easy to be a teacher as well. At least not at a university” “Hm….sweetheart, why do you always choose the difficult way?” “I don’t know….I think I like it” I laughed. “Speaking of life decisions….what about Sebastian? Did you get back together?” “No” I answered directly. “We didn’t. He just accompanied me. He flew to Mexico and we talked for a long time. I told him that I have to figure it out where I want to live but it won’t be Berlin. He won’t move to LA. So it’s a difficult situation” “Hm…but do you still love him?” “I don’t know” I sighed. “Maybe…..” then I said a few words my mom didn’t want to hear. “In the last weeks I even started thinking of Josh” “Oh no honey” my mom responded. “I thought the Josh chapter is closed?” “Yes it is….I just started thinking of him. I mean, he has a girlfriend….” ”Oh no he hasn’t” my mom suddenly said. Wait. What? How did my mother know?

“He hasn’t?” I checked to see that she definitely told me these information and she didn’t make a joke. “Yes, he’s single. Marc told me. He met him last week in Malibu where Marc went surfing.” “What did Josh do in Malibu? He hates surfing” “I think he visited a friend” “Hm….and he told Marc that he’s single? Why do guys talk about it?” “I don’t know….I think Marc just asked if he’s in Malibu with his girlfriend….whats her name? Helena?” “Helen” “Yes, and Josh replied that they broke up and he’s just visiting a friend” “Wow….okay” “You didn’t know it?” my mother was surprised. “You’re the queen of gossip and social media stalking!” “Yes but….I traveled the world during the last months and didn’t have much Wifi. And to be honest, I didn’t want to waste my time with stalking my ex on Facebook” “That’s my girl” my mom laughed. “Oh but I just read an interview with him where he is speaking very openly about the new Dot Hacker record. It was very interesting” “Who is now the stalker?” I laughed. “You know I like his music but I didn’t get along with Josh very well” “Whatever….if he’s single or not. I don’t care anymore….I don’t want to” “He’s a musician. Why not choosing someone you can trust?” “Sebastian is also a musician. And I trusted both of them” “Yes but Sebastian isn’t playing in such a huge band….maybe there aren’t opportunities” “Mom” I laughed. “Do you know how many teenage fans Sebastian’s band has in Germany?” “Okay, okay…..” she sighed. “Why do you always have to fall for musicians?” “Maybe it’s in my genes” I looked at her. I knew that before meeting my father my mom dated a semi famous rockstar from Germany. I don’t know his name but he’s originally from Bulgaria but became very famous with singing romantic songs in German in the 1970s. “Whatever, you’ll find your way” my mother was sure. “And I’m sure that some day I’m going to be a grandma again” “Who knows….” I said.

Later that night when I was lying in my bed I wanted to resist but couldn’t. I opened my notebook and searched for the interview my mom was stalking about. It was from August. So very recent. Just two weeks ago.

Josh is talking to LA radio reporter about the past Chili Peppers tour and his new record he did with Dot Hacker. I wondered when he had time for doing that. But he obviously had. The reporter asked him very detailed about some of the songs and Josh is giving an answer that shocked me in a way.

LA RADIO: So let’s talk about the new Dot Hacker record. There are a few songs on it that are very heavy. Not very typical for Dot Hacker. How did these songs come together? Josh: “Well, I had these riffs in my mind and I played them every time I was jamming on my own in my music room. I wanted to bring them on a record. When I played them for the first time in our rehearsal room the fellows reacted very positive and they really liked the song. So we recorded the first one and the other two followed. I like the idea that we changed our sound a little bit”

LA RADIO: You’re almost screaming a whole song long Josh (laughs): “I know. I hope no one hates me for doing it. But I just had the feeling I had to. There were a couple of things happening in my life and I just wanted to scream it out”

LA RADIO: What happened? Josh: “Let’s say, I did a couple of bad decisions in life. I messed around for a while and I’m not proud of it. But I guess that’s something that comes over you if you’re in the business for too long. I needed a break and I’m honestly very happy that the Chilis are on a break now. I know the fans are a bit mad about it but we all need a break after this tour. We’re not the youngest anymore. Even I’m not. So I’m happy that I can play music with the Dots now….it gives me a fresh mind”

LA RADIO: Is it a very personal album? Josh: “Hm….maybe. I don’t know. I think I often write very cryptic lyrics so no one really knows what I want to say with it but I do. And maybe the other people that I’m singing about”

LA RADIO: So you’re singing about a woman? If I take a deeper look into the lyrics it seems like that…. Josh: “Maybe. I don’t want to talk about every story behind the lyrics but….maybe. I thought about life very often during the making of the record. I thought about my life, about the lives of other people, people I love. I thought about our current situation in the world. Maybe we changed our lyrics because we’re all having family now….at least almost every one in the band. You start to see the world and your life from a different perspective if you have to take care of a child”

LA RADIO: I heard your drummer Eric Gardner wrote a song about his daughter? Josh: “Yes and it’s the cutest thing in the world! I love his lyrics. I want to feel them some day….actually, when we were recording the song Eric showed us a noise his daughter made he had recorded on his phone and we thought that it fitted perfectly into the ending of the song. So we included it. So she’s named in the credits on a record at the age of two (laughs)”

LA RADIO: But there is one song that isn’t that happy at all. You sing about losing a love. Josh: “Not I’m singing….the lyrical Me is singing (laughs)”

LA RADIO: Whatever….this song let me start thinking about love in general. In the song you sing that “All hope is over”. Are you really that negative? Josh: “No….at least I don’t want to. But at a certain age you experienced a lot in life. You learned a lot about love, feelings and all this shit. I don’t want to say that I lost my hope in it. I was just thinking about it. Sometimes you sit in your room and just question your life and yourself and you wonder where you’ve been when you lost the love of your life and why you didn’t fight for it. I think this is what the song is about”

After our interview was done, Josh’s phone was ringing. It was the third time that it was ringing during our interview. But he always rejected the call. Now he picked up. It was his daughter Emma. She asked him if she can go to a Taylor Swift concert. Josh laughed after hanging up the phone. “Girls” he commented smiling. But I’m sure he already bought a ticket for his daughter and him. That’s what fathers do.

Wow. So this was very emotional and disturbing to read. I had so many questions on my mind when I read this. I definitely had to listen to the new Dot Hacker record. But at the same time I was totally afraid of doing it. It would be released in a week so I was definitely looking forward to it. Now I was curious what Josh was talking about.

The next question was: why the hell did the reporter write that Emma is Josh’s daughter? It’s totally wrong and…..ugh. Why is he even referring to her as his daughter? Whatever. Why did I even care?

I shouldn’t have read this interview. It just confused me. Sebastian was sleeping next to my room. He would probably wake up tomorrow morning, looking forward to a new day in LA with me while I was lying here thinking about my ex. Oh well, being a thirty something was even more complicated than being a twenty something….

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BTW I wrote something about Josh on my blog....if you want to read it click here: https://order-disorder-blog.tumblr.com/post/165523840686/lets-talk-about-josh-klinghoffer

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“We live on a blue planet That circles around a ball of fire Next to a moon that moves the sea And you don’t believe in miracles?”

(Translation of the chorus of Marteria - Welt der Wunder)

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