#but the last show felt tense and heavy and looking back it didn’t felt as genuine as gifs and pics made it look | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hwajin · 1 year ago

Text

☆°. — ᴋɪss ᴇs

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: smut, fluff

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: hyunjin x afab!reader

𝐰𝐜: 3.4k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: oral (afab receiving), very soft, lots of tension

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: something sweet for valentines day!! it's a bit rushed, hope you enjoy it nontheless <33

You lay sprawled across the bed, a book in hand. You had no blanket on you, yet you felt warm, and a heavy weight was pressing you down; Hyunjin was snoring softly against the sensitive crook of your neck, working far better than any weighted blanket you could acquire. His arms, lanky and long, were snaked around you, tightly, holding you so close that you almost didn’t believe that he was sleeping, that he was only pretending so you wouldn’t shoo him off. Not that you ever would, in the first place; you enjoyed being crushed beneath his weight far too much to ever deny his affection and love.

One hand of yours was tangled in his hair, massaging his scalp — you figured it was the very thing which has put him into his semi-deep slumber in the first place, so you only stopped it when necessary, after finishing a page and turning to the next one. Hyunjin's soft grunts of protest never went unnoticed; you huffed in amusement every time your fingers untangled from his messy locks and he sighed out in tired disagreement, before sounding entirely content again the moment your hands found themselves deep in his locks again. It was endearing. You thought you could find eternal happiness right then, right there.

It must have been several minutes, and you were twenty-something pages further in your book when the man stirred, suddenly, without a reason — you were but a statue beneath his body, not moving even an inch to not disturb, to not wake. Yet he stirred, moved around atop your body; his face buried further into your neck, tickling you, his breath hot and intoxicating, burning on your skin. He hummed, arms tightening around you - if possible - and he looked up at you. He was awake, though he didn't look it. His hair was an adorable mess, falling over his eyes and standing to all directions, his eyes barely open and puffy, only a little, and his left cheek wore the imprint of your shirt he had laid on. Endearing. You thought you could find eternal beauty if you as much as looked at him. Even minutes after waking up.

You giggled, softly, your hand still in his hair, still massaging.

"Hi."

He huffed out amusement at that, closing his eyes to bask in your antics at his hair, leaning into your hand, fully at peace. He hummed again, in satisfaction now, in pleasure, and it sent a shock of electricity throughout every fibre of your body. He must have noticed, must have sensed you tensing up, and he smiled - not in malice, simply acknowledging. A shiver ran down your spine then.

"You're still reading, huh?"

Hyunjin's voice sounded quietly through the room, almost melodic, harmonizing with the birdsong outside. It didn't disturb the silence, only added to the atmosphere, leisure, lazy, loving. You nodded at his question, continued massaging the skin in his nape, hummed, then, affirmatively. There was a lot of humming in the room, sighs and huffs instead of words, for words seemed, almost, too heavy; and you understood each other without.

Hyunjin's face buried into your neck again - though not without a plan this time, not to merely rest. He kissed the skin there, softly, patient. Slow. As though dragging out his movements would make the moment last forever. He kissed, open-mouthed kisses, wet kisses, loud kisses, stingy kisses; he couldn't help but bite down on you every other moment, not a lot, enough only to show purest affection, most primal desire.

Your skin was sensitive. You were shivering in his hold, you were shivering at the feeling of the warmth his breath glazed over your neck. He was holding you close, his hands exploring the expanse of your back; though barely noticeable. He was barely even moving his hands, so slow you weren't sure he was at all, until you noticed them laying elsewhere, suddenly - close to your neck, then the small of your back, then wrapping around your shoulders from behind. Always pulling you closer. Always keeping you near, as much as physically possible. You moaned out quietly, softly, barely even audible, but it dizzied him, and Hyunjin bit down against the back of your ear with more fervour than before. You mewled, and you felt him smile against your skin.

When he spoke his next words, his voice was muffled, absorbed almost entirely by your body.

"Read for me. Out loud… please."

You chuckled, not less because the words against your skin sent tickles down the entirety of your body. Hyunjin, despite his wish, stayed buried in your neck; he was nibbling at the lobe of your ear now, kissing there a second after, listening to the way your breath hitched in your throat. He wasn't making a move to separate from you - you tried shoving him off, giggling softly in the process.

"You need to let me... actually read, then"

Your voice was quiet, amused, and followed momentarily by a sigh of pleasure. Hyunjin licked at the goosebumps on your neck, right where it connected to the shoulder; your favourite spot, the most sensitive one. He hummed out in disagreement, didn't as much as raise his head to answer you.

"Just read. While I...", he traced off, kissed your shoulder, touched your waist, squeezed your hips; he looked up at you with puppy eyes, and you nearly lost it all, "...do this..." More kisses to your body; seemingly, he wanted to cover every possible inch of you in traces of his love. If to mark you his, or to remind himself of having you, you weren't sure, but you loved it all the same.

So you read. With his lips on your body, distracting you embarrassingly from the words you tried to make sense of. They didn't quite, and after having read an entire page you lost sight of the plot, entirely. What you never lost sight of, never lost feeling about was Hyunjin's body on your own, his melting into yours. He was consistent, determined, almost. It was pathetic how often your voice trembled and shook when his lips met your body anew; you ought to be used to it already, now that his kisses had reached the expanse of your chest, your collarbones, now that he nibbled right below your shoulders - yet you weren't. You hissed every time his mouth swallowed you whole, every time his wet lips came in contact with an additional inch of your body. You would never get used to it, would never grow tired of him.

You read, and he kissed. Kissed your body away, not leaving a spot of yours undoted. And his hands were sinful. They were wandering, exploring your body while you tried not to lose hold of the book with your own trembling fingers. You tried to keep your composure, tried to be coy when Hyunjin's nimble, cold fingers, far too long for his own good, far too sensual, unclipped the first button of your sleepwear. You stopped reading when he opened the next one - though the man merely looked at you from below his lashes, eyes dark and blown out, urging you on to continue while another kiss met your body. You blinked, once, twice, five times, watching him cover your chest in kisses and love-bites, in spit and hushed confessions. You watched him open another button - at that point your chest lay entirely in the nude, your lack of underwear always delighting the man, and the little bit of stomach Hyunjin had exposed was covered momentarily in his mouth. You watched him, long forgotten the literature in your hands; and then he stopped. Suddenly stopped sucking on your skin, licking and biting on it, easing it with kisses instantly. He stopped moving his hands along your body, too - he looked up at you, expectantly, waiting. You watched him, and he only reciprocated your gaze.

"Read."

Not a command, yet his voice was but a whisper, and it sent thousand shivers to your core. They ran all across your body, the shivers, painting you in goose flesh before they collected right between your legs, right where the man’s body was laying, right where you needed him, right where he was miles away from, seemingly. He wouldn't give in too easily. You knew him - he would drag it out, he would wait on you to continue reading, which, stupidly, you were oh so unable to do, with him all around you, and he wouldn't give you what you craved for before he'd complete his travel on your body, before his lips had tasted every inch of you excessively.

So you continued reading. Shakily, your voice trembling, though you couldn't be embarrassed by it, not when seconds later you felt Hyunjin's lips on your skin again, seemingly satisfied. He had reached your stomach, left wet patches where his mouth met, left love-bites. Left smirks, too; you could feel his amusement on your body whenever your breath hitched in your throat, whenever you restarted a sentence because your voice had trailed off to sighs of frustration. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed that you enjoyed it.

It must have been ages until he had opened all buttons on the flimsy pyjama top you were wearing. You were squirming by then, impatient, intoxicated, needing. Hyunjin lay between your thighs, his face now levelled with your lower tummy, with your core. His arms were snaked around your thighs, holding you close - so close you thought he was scared that you'd slip away if he let go for only a second, but you didn't mind it. You felt his hot breath on your skin, his hotter mouth on the plush of your stomach, the cold breeze against your hardening nipples. Your senses overwhelmed, and Hyunjin wasn't making it easy on you, either; he continued kissing, continued licking, never stopped biting at your body, doting on all his favourite parts, caressing all your favourite spots. He knew you inside and out, he knew the sensitivity of your inner thighs, he knew you enjoyed feeling his breath fawn over it before he gave it a kiss - so he did just that, and he smiled to himself when you mewled out his name. You couldn't keep reading. It was impossible for you to.

"Hyun..."

Your voice was quiet, as though shy; it was needy, too, and if Hyunjin wasn't so focused on basking in your pleasure, he'd blow right then and there. He'd lose his mind over the way your thighs tensed with every kiss he planted there, how your body squirmed when he neared your core, only to pull away again and lick and kiss near your knees. He almost whimpered out in bashful satisfaction at the way you stopped reading, entirely, to call out his name, to let your hands search for his hair, to pull on it slightly when you found it moments later - he lost himself in everything you were, in everything he loved about you.

Though he could keep his composure, just enough. Seemingly mirically, because his body was reacting to your own like flames, igniting one another and impossible to put out. He was as hot as you felt, as intoxicated, just as needing.

"You gotta keep reading, babe."

Another kiss to your inner thighs, an open-mouthed one, a wet one. He was determined to drive you insane.

You whimpered, huffed out in what sounded like amusement. Hyunjin looked up at you, his mouth never breaking contact with your skin. He watched your closed eyes, the way you relished in the feeling of him, the way you were asking for more, silently, wordlessly. The way your body was pleading, the way he could read it without you saying as much as a word about it. He continued kissing, waiting for an answer. He moved slow, giving attention to every inch of your body before he even thought of moving on.

"Feels so good, though."

He trembled at your words. He shivered at the shake of your voice, at the sigh that followed it. He wanted you, he needed you, always. He would never grow sick of it. He would never grow sick of you. You lay there before him, and you wanted him. You lay there so vulnerable for him, and only him. You lay there, and were so honest about your pleasure, pleasure only he could give you; Hyunjin would never grow tired of the way you loved him.

Though, mirically, he continued keeping his composure. Witchcraft, surely, because you were irresistible, having pulled him in entirely, long ago.

"I know... wanna hear you read to me, though."

Your sigh of frustration was music to his ears. The scent of your clothed core, your scent, the feeling of the plush of your thighs, your bare chest, your tortured expression, your fingers in the depth of his hair - it was his death sentence.

"C'mon."

So you continued reading. Because you knew him enough to know he was patient - though, barely, just enough - to not give into you too fast, only to relish in you more. You continued reading, and every further word of yours made him move closer to your core. Shaky words, trembling words, though you made it through one sentence, then through another. And Hyunjin's mouth was closer, and closer, and closer to where you needed him so very urgently.

It must have been ten sentences when his fingers fanned over your waist, the part where your underwear cut into your flesh. He toyed with the elastic band, let it wrap around his fingers, only teased to take it off though never did. Not for another minute, not for another two. He stopped entirely when you stopped reading; only when you picked it up again he continued his ministrations. After a moment or two, Hyunjin pulled down your underwear, though only enough to expose a bit of your pubic bone. You hissed, voice fading almost into nothingness, though you kept reading until a kiss of his met your skin. You hissed again, then, and you were ready to kill him for the past thirty minutes of teasing, and doting, and malice, and loving. You needed him, and you weren’t sure how much longer your patience could hold out.

Hyunjin kissed your thighs. He didn’t leave your core forgotten, though – his mouth sucked onto the plushest part of your inner leg, right below your sex, and his fingers tangled into the waistband of your white, lacen panties, his favourite pair, to take them off you, slowly. If you hadn’t been quick enough, or attentive enough, or far too hyperaware of every of his movement, you wouldn’t have as much as noticed how you, excruciating moments later, lay before him in the nude, almost entirely – only your pyjama top adorning you, though it was barely enough to leave anything to the imagination. And Hyunjin yet took his time, yet didn’t give into you – you weren’t sure how he did it. You were exposed, you were vulnerable; though he acted like you weren’t, for a while longer. His lips painted most frustrating picture on your thighs, travelling to the hollow of your knees – slowly, relishing in your squirming, basking in the way your skin felt against his, as you relished in the way his hands accompanied his lips’ journey along your heated body. You were hot, very much so; Hyunjin ignited you with every touch, with every kiss, with every lick of his sinful tongue – he ignited you, even, with a gaze, eyes so lewd and speaking you didn’t know what was harder; looking straight into them or keeping track of your reading.

And it was when you lost your patience altogether, entirely, finally, that he did, too. It was a mewl, barely a whisper, even; you were surprised Hyunjin heard the weak call of his name in the first place, the plead in your voice, the longing. And it wasn’t a second after that his lips, the ones that had been tracing your body for seeming hours, for and eternity, that had covered you in spit and love and longing and passion, finally connected with your wetness. You were dripping, practically, his tireless teasing having egged you on far more than you were brave to admit. You felt Hyunjin kiss against your clit, lick it right after only to elicit a moan from you – it was embarrassing, how fast you were reacting to him and his body, how very little your composure held; but then again, you were hypersensitive. Had been, ever since he’d opened that first button, ever since a first kiss had fluttered over your body in a manner so loving it pulled at your heart.

Hyunjin’s hands were wrapped around you again, your own – book long forgotten and discarded somewhere next to you – tangled tightly in his hair. With every pull he moaned, groaned deeply into your pussy, and with every of his sound your body jolted, and vibrations set off in the entirety of your body. And he noticed, too, for he never made attempts to quiet down.

The sounds of your pleasure echoed through the room in harmony. The melodies of your names created a symphony, topped off with the lewd noise of his lips against your sex. He was making out with it, was sucking on your clit, kissing it, licking it, sucking it again. He was breathing you in, he was inhaling you entirely; as though wanting to make you his, wanting to annihilate your body with his own, to make one out of two, to melt together for eternity, as though a candle standing too close to the other. And you lost yourself at his passion. You were squirming, screaming, almost, his name, pleads, his name again. You weren’t sure you knew any other words that moment, your own name, even; he was everything you thought of, his tongue now lying flat against your slit and licking in thick stripes the only thing your mind was occupied with. All attempts of keeping your composure were long forgotten; you couldn’t possibly if he made you feel this way, when shocks of fire and electricity shot through your body with every squeeze his hands granted your thighs, and you didn’t want to, in the first place. You didn’t want to keep your composure. You didn’t want to try and not lose yourself in him; because you knew him enough to know he wanted you entirely, in honesty. And you knew him enough to know he lost himself within you all the same.

It wasn’t until two of his fingers teased your entrance, while his tongue flicked across your clit that your body started trembling. As though it was lain in ice suddenly, shaking against your lover who wasn’t giving you a chance to catch your breath. He inserted two digits into your warmth, smiled against your clit at the way you clenched around him momentarily. A soul-ripping whine left your throat then, and your fingers dug into the man’s scalp – it was bound to hurt, though he liked it. He would never not.

And Hyunjin yet moved slow. He didn’t move his fingers, even, for several moments after filling you with them; he kept them still, felt you wiggling around in search of friction. Only after you cried out his name, in obvious frustration, which, anew, made him smile against your sex, his hand started moving. Sensually, patiently, pumping in, then out, then in, then out again – before he curled his long, cold fingers up, and caressed that gooey spot within you. It was too easy, too thoughtless for him. A second nature, almost, the way he knew your body. Almost better than his own.

And you cried out again. You felt Hyunjin pump against your spot, over and over and over until your body felt in flames entirely, until you ignited him with them, until his own desire took over his body, made him feral. He fastened his pace now, sucked a little harsher, cursed a little louder, kissed a little harder. Against your clit, against your heat, against your very vulnerability, the one only he had access to. The one you only ever gifted him – and then you came, when his free hand pulled you closer to his body, tightly around your thigh and groping at your flesh, when the sensitivity tip-toed on the verge of being too much. You came in waves, stormy and urgent, entirely overwhelming. Your body shook, your voice was loud, your eyes were shut so close you saw stars against the darkness; and Hyunjin held you through it. Held you close, held you near to him, as though you’d disappear if he didn’t. As though he almost succeeded in merging your body with his own, in connecting your very souls to one.

And maybe he did. Maybe your body was his own, and maybe his was yours. And maybe your souls had been one and the same the very moment he had first longed for you, had first loved you; had first let his lips dance upon your skin, had first kissed you.

@es-kay-zee @jeyelleohe @angelwonie @yvniek4ng @ppiri-bahng @bintificreads @llunapastell @sensitiveandhungry @minniesvenus @junebug032 @noellllslut @wolfennracha @unexceptional-h @like-a-diamondinthesky @katsukis1wife

#hyunjin smut #skz smut #stray kids smut #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin scenarios #hyunjin imagines #skz scenarios #skz imagines #skz x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #stray kids scenarios

2K notes · View notes

natswife-marvelicious · 5 months ago

Text

Between Shadows and Secrets

Plot: Natasha and you are having a secret affair, but you want to make things official. Natasha on the other hand sees things differently and whatever you had, had to come to an end. After weeks of contempting yourself, Natasha can't pull her shit together at one of Tony's parties.

Warnings: argument, drinking, hooking up w strangers, not feeling loved, light depression?/self-contempt

Word count: 3,7k

Masterlist

It started as something simple, something you could both control. You and Natasha kept things quiet, hidden between stolen moments and secretive glances. It was exciting at first, sneaking around Avengers Tower, slipping into each other’s rooms in the dead of night, sharing whispered promises under the cover of darkness. There was something thrilling about being her secret, the one who could make her lose that cold exterior and melt into someone real, someone vulnerable.

But over time, the thrill faded, and the secrecy became heavy, suffocating even. You couldn’t shake the feeling that you were something to be kept hidden, something not worth showing to the world. It gnawed at you, the way she would smile at you in the shadows but barely acknowledge you in the daylight. Every day, you found yourself wanting more, needing more, but Natasha stayed firm. She was always cautious, always guarded. It was like there was an invisible wall between you, and no matter how close you got, you could never quite break through.

Then, there was that night, the night everything changed.

You had just gotten back from a brutal mission. Your body ached from the bruises and cuts that littered your skin, and your mind was frayed from the tension of the last few days. You had needed comfort, something familiar to remind you that it was all worth it. But when you walked into Natasha’s room, seeking her warmth, you found something else, something colder than the woman you had fallen in love with.

She was standing by the window, her arms crossed over her chest, staring out at the city lights. The tension in the room was palpable. You swallowed hard, knowing that the conversation you were about to have would be one of the hardest.

“Natasha,” you began, your voice quieter than you had intended. “We need to talk.”

She didn’t turn around, but you could see her shoulders tense at your words.

“I can’t keep doing this,” you said, the words tumbling out before you could stop them. “I can’t keep pretending like I’m okay with hiding. We’ve been doing this for months, and I need-”

“What?” she interrupted, finally turning to face you. “What do you need, y/n?”

Her tone was sharp, defensive. The calm, composed Natasha was starting to crack, and you could see the frustration lurking just beneath the surface. You took a step toward her, your heart pounding in your chest.

“I need more, Nat,” you said, your voice soft but firm. “I need to know that you’re not ashamed of me. I need to know that you want something real.”

Natasha’s eyes darkened, her expression hardening. “It’s not about being ashamed,” she snapped, the tension in her voice making the room feel even smaller. “It’s about keeping you safe.”

You frowned, your brow furrowing in confusion. “Safe from what?”

“From them,” she said, gesturing vaguely toward the window, where the world outside felt miles away. “From the people who would use you to get to me. You think this life is simple? You think my enemies wouldn’t jump at the chance to hurt you if they knew what we are to each other?”

Her words stung, but you weren’t sure if it was because of her coldness or because deep down, you knew she had a point. Still, the ache in your chest wouldn’t go away, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to it than just fear for your safety.

“So what?” you shot back, your voice rising. “You’re just going to keep pretending like this doesn’t mean anything? Like I don’t mean anything to you?"

Natasha’s jaw clenched, and she looked away, refusing to meet your eyes. “That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then what are you saying?” you demanded, your voice trembling with a mix of anger and hurt. “Because it sure as hell feels like you don’t care.”

“I do care,” she said through gritted teeth, her fists clenching at her sides. “But this is the way it has to be. I won’t let you become a target because of me.”

You took a shaky breath, trying to keep the tears at bay. “I want to be with you, Nat. Really be with you. I’m tired of hiding. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not enough.”

For a moment, Natasha’s face softened, her eyes betraying the turmoil she was feeling. But just as quickly as the vulnerability appeared, it vanished, replaced by the cold mask she always wore when she was trying to protect herself.

“It’s not going to happen,” she said flatly.

The words hit you like a punch to the gut. You stared at her, stunned, your heart pounding in your chest. “What?”

“I said, it’s not going to happen,” she repeated, her voice emotionless, detached. “This, us, it’s not real.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and for a moment, you couldn’t speak. “What do you mean, it’s not real?”

Natasha’s green eyes were hard, cold. “I don’t love you.”

The room seemed to spin around you as the words left her lips. It felt like your heart had just been ripped out of your chest. You stood there, staring at her, trying to process what she had just said. This woman, this woman you had fallen in love with, who you had shared so much with, was standing there, telling you that she didn’t love you.

“Don’t,” you whispered, your voice breaking. “Don’t lie to me.”

But Natasha’s expression didn’t change. If anything, it hardened. “It’s not a lie,” she said, her voice colder than ever. “I never loved you.”

The words were like a knife to your chest, twisting deeper with every second that passed. You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. You refused to let her see how much she had hurt you.

“Fine,” you said, your voice shaking. “If that’s how you really feel, then I’ll leave you alone.”

Natasha didn’t respond, and that silence hurt more than anything. You turned on your heel, walking out of her room and slamming the door behind you. The second you were alone in the hallway, the tears began to fall, silent and steady.

After that night, everything changed. You threw yourself into a reckless spiral, trying to bury the pain in any way you could. You started hooking up with strangers, people who didn’t know you, didn’t care about you. It was easier to lose yourself in fleeting moments of distraction than to face the reality of what you had lost.

Every time you hooked up with someone, it felt like you were punishing yourself. It was never about wanting them, it was about forgetting her. But no matter how many drinks you had, no matter how many meaningless kisses you shared, nothing made the pain go away. Nothing made you forget the way Natasha had looked at you when she said those words.

The other Avengers started to notice your behavior, especially Wanda. She had always been your closest friend in the team, and she could sense the shift in you almost immediately. She tried to reach out, tried to talk to you, but you shut her out just like you had shut out everyone else. You didn’t want to talk about it. You didn’t want to admit how broken you were.

And Natasha? She had barely spoken to you since that night. She avoided you whenever she could, and when she couldn’t, her eyes were cold, distant. It was like the woman you had loved had disappeared, leaving nothing but a shell in her place.

You tried to tell yourself you didn’t care. You tried to convince yourself that it was better this way, that if she didn’t love you, you didn’t need her. But the lie was harder to believe with each passing day.

It was at one of Tony’s infamous parties that everything came to a head. The Tower was packed with people, music blaring and drinks flowing freely. You were already three drinks in by the time you spotted her, Natasha, standing near the bar, her arms crossed as she surveyed the room. She looked as calm and composed as ever, but the second your eyes met, your stomach twisted.

You quickly turned away, not wanting to get caught in her gaze for too long. Instead, you focused on the girl standing next to you, a pretty blonde who had been flirting with you all night. She was giggling at something you said, her hand brushing against your arm, and you leaned into the touch, trying to ignore the knot of anxiety tightening in your chest.

It didn’t take long for things to escalate. You were drunk, drunker than you’d like to admit, and before you knew it, you were leaning in close, whispering something in the blonde’s ear that made her laugh again. She touched your arm, her fingers lingering a little too long, and you didn’t pull away.

But then you felt it, eyes burning into you from across the room. You looked up, and there she was. Natasha. Her face was unreadable, but her eyes were blazing with something you couldn’t quite place. Anger? Jealousy? Whatever it was, it made your heart race.

Before you could react, Natasha was storming across the room, her jaw set in a tight line. She grabbed your arm, pulling you away from the blonde, who stood there looking bewildered.

“What the hell are you doing?” Natasha hissed, her voice low but venomous. Her grip on your arm was firm, almost painful. You could feel the eyes of everyone around you turning to watch, but you didn’t care. The alcohol had dulled your senses, and all you could focus on was the anger radiating off her.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” you shot back, your words slurring slightly. You yanked your arm out of her grasp, glaring at her. “Why do you care, anyway? You don’t love me, remember?”

Natasha’s eyes darkened, her lips pressing into a thin line. “Stop this,” she ordered, her voice cold and commanding. “You’re making a fool of yourself.”

You laughed, the sound bitter and hollow. “I’m making a fool of myself?” you repeated, your voice rising in disbelief. “What about you, huh? You’re the one who’s been treating me like I don’t exist for weeks! You’re the one who told me you didn’t love me, and now you have the nerve to act like you care?”

The room had gone quiet, the music and chatter fading into the background as people turned to watch the scene unfolding. You could feel Wanda’s eyes on you from across the room, could see Tony’s concerned expression out of the corner of your eye, but none of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was Natasha standing in front of you, looking at you like you were a stranger.

“I told you it wasn’t real because it’s for your own good,” Natasha said through gritted teeth, her voice barely above a whisper. “You don’t understand the risks.”

“Oh, I understand the risks,” you spat, your chest heaving with the effort to keep your emotions in check. “But that’s not why you said it, is it? You were just trying to protect yourself, Natasha. You were scared, and instead of dealing with it, you pushed me away. You lied to me.”

Her jaw clenched, and for a split second, you saw something flicker in her eyes, guilt, maybe even regret, but it was gone just as quickly as it appeared. “I was trying to protect you,” she insisted, her voice growing more desperate.

“By telling me you didn’t love me?” You shook your head, tears welling in your eyes. “You know what, Natasha? Maybe you were right. Maybe you don’t love me. Maybe I was just some distraction for you, someone to pass the time with when you were bored.”

The words were harsh, cruel even, but in that moment, you wanted to hurt her the way she had hurt you. You wanted her to feel the same pain that had been gnawing at you for weeks.

Natasha flinched, and for a moment, you thought you saw her mask crack. Her lips parted as if she wanted to say something, anything, to refute your words, but nothing came out. The silence between you was deafening.

Your chest felt tight, the weight of everything pressing down on you until you couldn’t breathe. Without another word, you turned on your heel and bolted for the stairs, pushing through the crowd as you ran. You could hear Natasha calling after you, her voice strained with panic, but you didn’t stop. You didn’t want to hear any more excuses, any more lies.

You slammed the door to your room, your breath coming in ragged gasps as you leaned against the wall. The tears you had been holding back finally spilled over, hot and angry as they streamed down your cheeks. You slid to the floor, hugging your knees to your chest as the sobs wracked your body.

All you had ever wanted was for Natasha to love you, to treat you like you mattered. But instead, you had been nothing more than a secret, something to be hidden away. And now? Now you felt like you didn’t even know her anymore. The woman who had held you in the quiet of the night, who had whispered soft promises in your ear, was gone. In her place was someone cold and distant, someone who didn’t care.

You didn’t know how long you sat there, your tears falling silently as the ache in your chest grew heavier and heavier. The sound of footsteps outside your door startled you, and before you could move, the door swung open.

Natasha stood in the doorway, her face pale and drawn. For the first time in weeks, she didn’t look like the Black Widow, the fearless, untouchable assassin. She looked like Natasha, the woman who had once made you feel like the center of her world.

“Y/n,” she said softly, stepping into the room. “We need to talk.”

You shook your head, wiping angrily at your tear-streaked face. “There’s nothing to talk about,” you muttered, your voice hoarse from crying. “Just leave me alone, Natasha.”

“I’m not leaving,” she said, her tone firm but gentle. She closed the door behind her, leaning against it for a moment as if gathering her thoughts. “Not until you hear me out.”

You let out a shaky breath, your anger flaring up again. “Why should I? You already said everything you needed to say. You don’t love me, right? That’s what you said.”

Natasha winced, her eyes softening with regret. “I never meant that,” she admitted, her voice quiet. “I was scared, y/n. Scared of what would happen if people knew how much you meant to me. Scared of what it would mean for both of us.”

You stared at her, your heart pounding in your chest. “So you lied?” you asked, your voice trembling with hurt. “You thought lying to me, telling me you didn’t love me, was better than just being honest?”

“I thought I was protecting you,” she said, her voice cracking slightly. “I thought if I pushed you away, if I made you believe I didn’t care, it would keep you safe. But I was wrong. God, I was so wrong.”

Her confession hung in the air between you, the weight of her words sinking in. You wanted to believe her, you wanted to believe that she had been trying to protect you, that she hadn’t meant to hurt you. But the pain was still fresh, still raw.

“I needed you, Natasha,” you whispered, your voice breaking. “I needed you, and you weren’t there.”

Tears filled Natasha’s eyes, and for a moment, you saw the real her, the vulnerable, broken part of her that she kept hidden from the world. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion. “I thought I was doing the right thing, but I see now that I hurt you. And I hate myself for that."

The tears you had been holding back came rushing to the surface again, and you buried your face in your hands, the sobs wracking your body. Natasha crossed the room in an instant, kneeling in front of you and pulling you into her arms.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her voice thick with emotion as she held you close. “I’m so, so sorry.”

You clung to her, your tears soaking into her shirt as you let yourself fall apart in her arms. For so long, you had been carrying the weight of your hurt, of your confusion, but now, in Natasha’s arms, it all came pouring out.

“I thought you didn’t care,” you choked out, your voice muffled against her chest. “I thought I was nothing to you.”

“You’re everything to me,” Natasha said softly, her hand gently stroking your hair. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you weren’t. I’m sorry for all of it.”

You cried harder at her words, all the pain you had been holding inside finally breaking free. Natasha didn’t let go, she held you tightly, whispering soft apologies and reassurances into your ear.

Eventually, the sobs subsided, leaving you feeling drained but somehow lighter. You pulled back slightly, wiping at your tear-streaked face as you looked up at Natasha.

“Why now?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. “Why are you telling me this now?”

Natasha sighed, her thumb gently brushing away the last of your tears. “Because I can’t lose you,” she said softly. “Not like this. Not ever.”

Her words sent a wave of warmth through you, but the hurt still lingered. “You already lost me,” you said quietly, the truth of it hanging between you.

Natasha’s expression crumpled, and for a moment, you thought she might cry too. “I don’t want it to be too late,” she whispered, her voice raw. “Please… give me another chance. Let me show you that I can be better.”

You searched her eyes, looking for any sign of doubt or insincerity, but all you saw was the same vulnerability that had always been there, the vulnerability she had tried so hard to hide.

“I don’t want to hide anymore,” you said quietly. “I don’t want to be a secret.”

Natasha’s eyes softened, and she nodded, her hand still cradling your face. “You won’t be,” she promised. “No more hiding. No more secrets. I’m done pushing you away.”

The sincerity in her voice made your heart ache, but for the first time in weeks, you felt a flicker of hope.

“I want to believe you,” you admitted, your voice shaky. “But I’m scared.”

“I know,” Natasha whispered, her forehead resting against yours. “But I’ll prove it to you, y/n. I’ll prove that I’m not going anywhere.”

You closed your eyes, letting the warmth of her presence wash over you, but the uncertainty still lingered. Natasha had hurt you so deeply, and it would take time for the wounds to heal. But in that moment, as she held you close, you felt something you hadn’t felt in weeks, hope.

“I don’t know if I can trust you,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “But I want to try. I want us to be… something real.”

Natasha pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, her green eyes soft, almost pleading. “I’ll do whatever it takes,” she promised. “I’ll spend the rest of my life making this up to you, if that’s what it takes. Just… don’t give up on me. Don’t give up on us.”

Her words were raw, vulnerable in a way you’d rarely seen from her. It felt like the walls she had built around herself were finally crumbling, and for the first time, she was letting you see her, the real her.

Your heart ached with the weight of everything, but slowly, you nodded. “Okay,” you whispered. “But it has to be different. No more pushing me away. No more lies.”

“No more lies,” she agreed, her voice thick with emotion. “I promise.”

You stared at each other for a long moment, the tension slowly melting away, replaced by a fragile, tentative peace. Natasha gently brushed a strand of hair from your face, her touch soft and careful, as though she were afraid you might break.

“Can I hold you?” she asked quietly, her voice almost hesitant, as if she wasn’t sure she had the right to ask.

You hesitated for a moment, but then, with a deep breath, you nodded. Without another word, Natasha pulled you into her arms again, cradling you against her chest. Her warmth, her scent, everything about her was familiar, comforting, and for the first time in a long time, you let yourself relax in her embrace.

The two of you sat there on the floor for what felt like hours, wrapped up in each other, the weight of your argument and the pain slowly starting to lift. It wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t a complete resolution, but it was a start, a beginning.

“I’m sorry,” Natasha whispered again, her voice barely audible against your hair. “I love you, y/n. I always have. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it.”

Your heart skipped a beat at her words, and though the pain was still there, something in you softened. You pulled back just enough to look at her, searching her eyes for any sign of doubt, but all you saw was sincerity.

“I love you too,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “I never stopped.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, Natasha smiled, a small, fragile smile, but it was real. And for the first time in weeks, you felt like maybe, just maybe, things would be okay.

It wouldn’t be easy, and it would take time to rebuild the trust that had been broken. But as you sat there, holding each other in the quiet of your room, you knew one thing for certain: you were both willing to try.

And that was enough. For now, it was enough.

Little longer one for now.. I'm in love with this.. how do you feel about it?? Lemme know :)

#natasha romanoff fanfiction #natasha imagine #natasha angst #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha fanfiction #marvel x reader #marvel imagine #marvel fanfiction #marvel universe #natasha romanoff angst

423 notes · View notes

blue-jisungs · 1 year ago

Text

fighting with them ♡

author's note. my very poor attempt on angst written in june 2023 LMAOOOOO enjoy!! (do not ask me why am i posting it now, i dont know either.)

making up after a fight - here !

┆彡 CHAN [ 찬 ]

chan couldn’t put a finger on it but there was something going on with you lately. from all of the people in the world he knew the best how life can get overwhelming sometimes. you were there for him during his hardships of being an idol… and a human being, in general.

and clearly, you were going through something too. but you didn’t say a word and even seemed to avoid him.

you arrived home late at night on one friday, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. chris is probably… working. so you you can easily sneak into your bedroom without him noticing you, right?

“y/n”

you turned around and saw him in the hallway, hair messed up and glass of water in his hand. his face lit up upon seeing you, however you could sense the weird tone of his voice.

“hi chris. i’ll go to sleep” you mumbled, taking off your shoes

“wait, can we talk? i know it’s late but i feel like nowadays we’re roommates, not a couple” he said. here it is. you let out another sigh

“i had a lot on my head today, can we not?” you grunted, leaving your bag on the floor.

“that’s the thing, y/n. there’s something going on and you just won’t tell me. and when we’re gonna talk when not now? you avoid me, let’s face it” chris continued, voicing out his worries. you knew.

“i’m sorry, okay? it’s just… i don’t want to talk right now and…” you pinched the bridge of your nose, earning a scoff from chan.

“you never want to talk, apparently. relationships are build on trust and communication. and i get the feeling you don’t trust me at all” his voice got a little louder but not to the range of shouting.

“listen, i–“ you started, genuine exhaustion feeling your body. you were afraid to snap and that’s the last thing you wanted to do. especially right now, especially at chris. but if it continues–

“i’m tired of your excuses, y/n! let me help you, talk to me, anything–“ chris pleaded and before you realised, it happened.

“can you shut the fuck up? i told you i’m tired! we’ll talk once you stop interrupting me for god’s sake!”

the realisation sank in as you watched chan’s features change with pain. his jaw tensed, eyes becoming cold.

“sure… i’m sorry. good night” he huffed, his steps leading him back to his studio.

your eyes watered, heart shattering into millions of pieces. you fucked up.

changing into your pyjamas you fell asleep on the couch, feeling like a burden in your own bed. your and chris’. and above all, you felt strange and empty, trying (and failing miserably) to fall asleep without him by your side.

┆彡 MINHO [ 민호 ]

you approached lino quietly, wrapping your arms around his waist from behind. he jolted a bit by your sudden appearance, the wooden spoon falling out of his hand.

“oh, sorry baby. how are you today?” you hummed when minho with a grumpy face grabbed the spoon.

“you’re so fucking clingy sometimes…” he grunted, causing your eyes to widen “get off me”

the coldness of his voice made you a bit scared, backing away. minho continued with his cooking task.

“like a literal baby, i swear. let me breathe for once, is this too much to ask for?” he snapped, not even looking at you.

you understood, of course you did. when you started dating minho he wasn’t too big on skinship but… he never spoke like that to you in general or about this.

“okay. i’m sorry” you mumbled, trying not to show how hurt you got by his words “i’ll be in the bedroom”

he didn’t even say anything. you held your tears and walked away, only letting them go once you were buried in your duvet.

┆彡 CHANGBIN [ 창빈 ]

you let out a deep sigh, massaging your temples. changbin was looking at you with straight face, the tense silence between you two constantly interrupted by your group chat exploding with notifications.

“y/n, for the millionth time. they don’t deserve you, they literally treat you like shit” he grunted, glancing at your phone and reading the last message “'y/nnie we’re sorry, the date just slipped my mind', are you kidding me? what kind of an excuse is that?”

the thing was that your friends stood you up, again. lately they do that all the time but you know that they’re busy, just like you.

“a normal one! do i have to remind you the times you forgot about our dates? or i did? we’re humans, we forget things. and they’re my friends, they wouldn’t stand me up! we already rescheduled for tomorrow” you hissed “stop talking shit about my friends!”

“i’m not!” changbin whined “it just pisses me off because they meet up without you! don’t tell me you don’t know that!”

“i don’t because they don’t do that! stop accusing them!” you yelled, surprised by yourself. changbin sighed, his tongue poking the side of his cheek

“fine. just don’t run crying to me when you get stood up again, probably tomorrow” he huffed, crossing his arms

“i won’t!” you grunted, grabbing your phone and walking away to your bedroom.

┆彡 HYUNJIN [ 현진 ]

your boyfriend came home, a loud slam of his bag hitting the floor lighting a red lamp in your head. there was no usual, cheerful “hi baby!” or “i’m home!” coming from him.

hyunjin stepped into the kitchen, ignoring you, and poured himself some water.

“hi hyune” you hummed, approaching him. he mumbled something incoherent back, eyes everywhere but on you. you sighed quietly, shaking your head “how was your day?”

“awful, i’m exhausted” he grunted, poking his cheek with his tongue

“i’m sorry to hear that… here’s some food, i grabbed it from work. let me just finish heating it up” you hummed, smiling softly “and later if you want we can watch a movie?”

“just… i need some time alone. i’m tired, y/n. i know you wouldn’t get it because i’m an idol, i dance and work for the whole day but i just need to rest, okay?” hyunjin grunted, making you halt.

“what do you mean i wouldn’t get it?” you frowned, turning your gaze at him

“you’re… well, you’re not an idol. can i just-?” he spat out, running out of patience.

“oh, so i can’t feel exhausted? i know that working as a cleaning lady is not as mighty as being an idol, but it’s tiring as well” you said slowly, trying not to lose your temper.

“yeah, sure” he scoffed.

your eyes widened, genuine hurt breaking your heart.

“i’ll eat it later, don’t mind heating it up” he grunted and before he waddled away to the bedroom, he heard your murmurs.

“it’s for me… and you don’t mind talking to a filthy cleaning lady later…”

┆彡 JISUNG [ 지성 ]

han was watching you for the past fifteen minutes, tongue poking the side of his cheek. you seemed to have fun while chatting with the other guy. way too much fun.

he just let out a sigh and took a sip of his drink. he hated it. he hated that he had to go to this party, that someone spilled a drink over him, that the food sucked and that you… you were ignoring him.

you let out a laugh and shook your head. the guy who you were talking to, beomgyu, patted your head with a grin.

suddenly you felt a hand on your arm, squeezing it. you turned around and saw jisung and his… tensed jaw.

“oh ji! i was wondering where you were! this is beomgyu, jeongin’s friend…” you smiled and beomgyu greeted your boyfriend with a happy smile

“we need to talk” han just grunted and walked away. you shrugged and beomgyu sent you a questioning look.

following jisung outside, where the weather wasn’t too pleasant, you rubbed your arms and enjoyed the silence.

“what’s up?” you asked, tilting your head.

“are you seriously asking me 'what’s up?'… y/n… you’ve been having the time of your life with that guy” he hissed, crossing his arms.

“beomgyu? what do you mean? we were just talking, that’s all” you scoffed, not fully understanding what he meant.

“please, y/n. you two were flirting! it’s unbelievable” he snarled, his voice raising dangerously.

“jisung, you know i only love you. i was just talking with him because he–“ you started

“cut the bullshit. it’s good to know you had fun at the party but i’m going home. have fun flirting with him” he bursted out, walking away

“jisung, what the fuck?!” you called but he didn’t stop “what do you want me to say? i… i seriously! you can ask him! i wasn’t saying anything–“

entering the room again filled his ears with music, jisung didn’t catch the way your voice broke down. legs leading him towards the exit, he noticed beomgyu watching him shocked.

┆彡 FELIX [ 필릭스 ]

you drummed your fingers on the table nervously, giving the waiter an apologetic look. he walked up to you, sighing.

“i’m sorry ma’am but if you’re not planning on ordering something i’ll have to ask you to leave…” he said. you nodded, grabbing your purse

“i understand” you said and paid for the two glasses of water you ordered earlier.

“i’m sorry” the waiter mumbled, causing blood to flow to your cheeks. you shook your head and left, dialling your boyfriend’s number for the seventh time this night.

“–yeah, i know, right?! what’s up, y/n?” felix answered, the voices in the background becoming quieter.

“where are you?” you asked bluntly, crossing your arms

“i’m at changbin’s, why?” he asked confused

“why? well maybe because i was waiting for you like an idiot for the past two hours? why didn’t you pick up your phone earlier?” you spat out, voice starting to shake

“what are you talking about?” felix grunted

“our date, felix! like the third one you missed because allegedly you were busy? are you doing this on purpose or what?” you huffed, sitting down on a nearby bench.

“i was busy, y/n! i admit, today i forgot but we made plans with guys earlier and i just…” he trailed off.

“you just forgot. again. i don’t have any more patience or strength for that, felix. don’t you see that? you’re prioritising work over me” your voice broke, nails digging into your knees “if it keeps happening–“

“y/n… don’t say that! you know i’m busy, i’m an idol! what did you expect?” felix scoffed.

“i expected my boyfriend to be present in my life, you know? i understand that you’re an idol, i respect that and i support it… i just wish you were there for me, felix. do you even know i got fired yesterday?” you asked and were met with silence “exactly. now… have fun at changbin’s, say hi to the boys. i’m not coming back tonight”

with that you hung up, chest thumping in your chest. well, you’re going to have a sleepover at your best friend’s… again.

┆彡 SEUNGMIN [ 승민 ]

you hummed happily, just getting off the phone with your mom. entering the kitchen you noticed seungmin with his glasses atop of his nose, reading something.

“hey, seungmo! do you have any plans on weekend?” you asked. he shook his head as a no “great! my parents are visiting, then”

he groaned, making you frown.

“what?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“again?” he finally looked up at you, fixing his glasses.

“what do you mean again? they visited us like, month ago!” you shook your head

“it’s just… tiring” he mumbled, playing with the hem of the paper he was reading

“tiring? they’re my parents, seungmin. and it’s hard for them too. they’re still getting used to living in korea, i know how that felt and besides, you should get used to it” you huffed

“okay, so? can’t you just go on your own? i wanted to practice, i could use some time alone” seungmin grunted. you bit your lip, looking down. did he just… did not like your parents? you couldn’t lie, it hurt you.

“fine. have fun then because i guess i’ll leave earlier, since you could use some time alone” you murmured

“are you angry at me?” he asked, some kind of mockery in his voice

“yeah, i am! do you not like them? why didn’t you tell me earlier?” the question made him scoff

“i just don’t feel like going, geez! just go, you’re being annoying today…” he grunted, reassuming his previous task.

you mumbled a soft oh and left your place right away, not bothering to pack. your parents have some clothes of yours at their place either way.

┆彡 JEONGIN [ 정인 ]

you watched jeongin text someone with a huge grin on his face, fingers quickly tapping against the screen of his phone. letting out a deep sigh, you reassumed watching the show.

“wait, why’d you start?” he asked suddenly, putting his phone away

“i asked you like, five times if i can start already” you grunted, not looking at him

“sorry, i was…” he hummed, hesitant “…texting someone”

“who was it?” you asked, not really caring about the weight of the question…

“no one important” he huffed. now, his answer made you confused. anxiety slowly creeping into your heart, you looked at him

“why’d you answer like that? i’m sure that person wouldn’t be too happy to hear that” you joked lightly. jeongin just shrugged, letting out an annoyed sigh. there was a sound of door opening somewhere in the dorm.

“can we just watch?” he asked coldly.

you fell quiet, mind racing with thoughts. if you think about it, you caught him texting and smiling like a teenage girl a couple of times this week. and he always quickly turned off his phone once you were near him. what was it?

“oh, hi you two!” you heard changbin’s voice. you turned around to wave at him and he waved back, then turning your eyes again at the screen “oi, jeongin-ah, did eunjeong text you back?”

your eyes widened upon hearing the name. eunjeong. jeongin’s ex.

you looked at him, his face immediately dropping. you sent a death glare to changbin that only now realised what he said. but that meant… he knew.

“you’re texting her? your ex?” you asked, crossing your arms. jeongin sighed, trying his best not to roll his eyes.

“and what if i am, geez! it’s not that serious, y/n” he grunted, looking at you.

“for me it is, jeongin. you know i have trust issues… and i don’t trust her, especially! besides, you told me you blocked her…?” you asked, heart racing abnormally fast.

“i lied, okay? because you’re so sensitive about everything, just like now! yes, i’m texting eunjeong and honestly, i don’t regret it! she’s fun, okay? we broke up on a good terms” he grunted. you stood up, walking away “where are you going?!”

“i need to think” you hissed, passing changbin by

“that’s exactly what i was talking about… god, such a crybaby over nothing” jeongin murmured, grabbing his phone.

before he could open up a chat with eunjeong, he heard a loud door slam.

masterlist <3

taglist. @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @ameliesaysshoo ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @litepowee ,, @ocean-minho ,, @lessthanpast ,, @s-e-s-a-I-e-n-e ,, @fire-08 ,, @eternalgyu ,, @haecien

1K notes · View notes

bestruction · 1 month ago

Text

The right incentives

Summary: Sasuke struggles with adapting to life after losing his arm, choosing not to accept a prosthetic made from Hashirama cells, as it would remind him of his past

Warnings: Suggestive, my crazy theories about how this would medically work

Sasuke had never been one to complain openly, but adapting to life with one arm was harder than he let on. He had refused the prosthetic arm offered to him—the Hashirama cells were a reminder of the destruction he’d caused, and accepting it felt like an unearned privilege. He bore the struggle quietly, a penance he believed he deserved.

You respected his choice, even if it pained you. But moments like today made you wonder if the price of his decision was too high.

The two of you had gone to the market to restock on essentials. The Uchiha district was slowly regaining its spark, the result of countless hours you’d spent together breathing life into its empty streets and crumbling homes. Yet it still lacked the conveniences of the main village, which meant long walks and heavy bags on market days.

“I’ll take these,” you said, smiling as you grabbed several bags from the vendor.

Sasuke reached for the rest. His single hand worked methodically, but the strain showed in the slight furrow of his brow, the careful movements as he adjusted his grip. When you moved to help, he shook his head.

“I’ve got it,” he muttered, his voice low but firm.

You didn’t argue. Sasuke’s pride was an unspoken rule between you, but as you walked home, you couldn’t ignore the way his steps slowed or how his knuckles whitened against the handles.

By the time you reached the house, you couldn’t stand it any longer. Ignoring his protests, you gently took the bags from his hand.

“Let me help,” you said softly. “It’s not a big deal.”

His jaw tightened, frustration flickering in his dark eyes, but he didn’t stop you.

Later that evening, you found him sitting in the garden, the fading sunlight casting warm hues across his profile. His gaze was fixed on the sky, distant and unreadable. Quietly, you sat beside him, your shoulder brushing against his.

For a while, neither of you spoke. The silence was familiar, comfortable in its way, but heavy with words left unsaid.

“I know it bothers you,” you said at last, your voice gentle.

Sasuke’s shoulders tensed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sasuke.” You placed a hand on his knee, grounding him. “You don’t have to hide it from me. It’s okay to admit when something’s hard.”

He exhaled slowly, running a hand through his hair. “I chose not to accept the cells,” he said, his tone quiet but steady. “I don’t regret it. But there are moments... when it’s frustrating. When I feel—” He hesitated, the word catching in his throat. “Useless.”

Your chest tightened. “You’re not useless,” you said firmly, the words carrying every ounce of love you felt for him. “You’re human, Sasuke. You’ve already punished yourself enough. You deserve to live fully—to heal.”

His dark eyes flicked toward you, guarded but searching. “You think I should accept the arm.”

“I think you should let yourself have a life,” you said softly. “It’s not about whether you deserve it. It’s about moving forward. Not just surviving"

For a moment, he looked impossibly young, as if the weight of his past had finally settled on his shoulders. Then he looked away, his voice dropping to barely above a whisper. “I just don’t want you to feel like you’re stuck with half a man.”

Your heart ached at his words. You shifted closer, resting a hand against his knee and leaning forward to catch his gaze. “Sasuke,” you said, your voice steady and tender, “you’re the strongest, most capable person I know. Losing your arm doesn’t make you less. Not to me. Not to anyone who matters.”

He swallowed hard, the walls he so carefully built cracking just enough to let you in.

“I’m sorry,” you murmured, your voice soft but steady.

His arm hesitated before resting lightly against your back. “You don’t have to apologize,” he said quietly, though his tone betrayed the vulnerability he rarely let show.

“I do. I didn’t mean to hurt you earlier—I just want to help. But I swear, it was never because I thought you couldn’t handle it, but think about what I told you, please"

His lips quirked in the faintest of smiles. “You’re stubborn.”

“And you love me for it,” you teased, leaning in to press a kiss to his lips.

“I do,” he whispered, pulling you closer.

It took him a while to mature the idea and a lot of your insistence. When he finally said he would accept it, you nearly felt your heart melting. You wanted him to heal completely from the wounds of his past, letting him blame himself for everything that passed didn't even pass on your mind.

Kakashi wasted no time in arranging for the best med-nin in Konoha to perform the delicate procedure. The process was no ordinary surgery; it was a fusion of advanced medical ninjutsu and intricate chakra manipulation, requiring precision that only a select few could achieve.

The day of the surgery was long and filled with an uneasy silence. You waited just outside the room, your heart pounding with every muffled instruction or chakra flare you sensed through the walls. Kakashi stayed with you, his presence a steady anchor. When your pacing grew restless, he gently urged you to sit, offering quiet reassurances.

But that wasn't the hardest part, the adaptation was.

The arm, though responsive, required Sasuke to recalibrate the balance of his chakra. Every movement—every muscle twitch—was a deliberate effort, his body relearning what had once been second nature.

Weeks later, Sasuke’s mood was anything but serene. He stood in the middle of the open space, repeatedly tossing a training ball with his new arm, trying to get the motions to feel natural. The prosthetic responded sluggishly, too stiff at times and too loose at others. When the ball slipped from his grasp for the third time, rolling uselessly across the ground, frustration overtook him.

"Damn it," he muttered under his breath, throwing the ball hard against the nearby tree. It bounced back limply, mocking his effort.

Hearing the noise, you popped your head out from the doorway of the house. "Everything okay?" you asked, noticing the tight line of his jaw and the furrow of his brows.

Sasuke didn’t answer at first, but when you walked over and gently placed a hand on his shoulder, his tension eased just slightly. "It’s this arm," he finally said. "Maybe it's not working. The first hokage must be turning over in his grave since I got it."

You tilted your head, considering his words before reaching for his new arm. "May I?"

He looked at you, hesitating for a moment, then gave a slight nod.

You held his hand between yours, your touch warm and grounding. "Can you feel this?" you asked, your thumbs gently brushing over his fingers.

He swallowed. "Yes."

You smiled softly, stepping closer. "And this?" You pressed his hand against your cheek, letting it rest there for a moment.

His dark eyes searched your face, his breath hitching slightly. "Yeah," he said, his voice quieter now while he caressed your cheek softly.

Without breaking eye contact, you slid his hand to the curve of your neck, letting it linger there for a moment before guiding it down to your breasts. His breath caught when your fingers trailed his hand further to your waist, where you placed his other hand. Before you could say more, he guided you onto his lap, one arm wrapping around your back while his new hand rested securely on your hip. You giggled leaning your forehead on his, loving the way his onix eyes watched you so closely.

"Do you feel that, Sasuke?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper, looking deep into his eyes while you moved your hips in a circle, letting his hands feel the motion. "I think it's working pretty well"

His gaze softened as his hands tightened instinctively on your waist, pulling you closer "Now that you mention it..."

You bit your lip feeling that sweet pressure that you knew so well between your legs "You’ll get used to it," you murmured, sliding your fingers into his hair. "You just need the right...incentives."

A smirk tugged at his lips despite himself. "Is that so?"

That damn smirk would be the death of you one day. He brushed his lips on yours, his hand slowly finding its way between your legs to push the thin cotton fabric of your underwear aside under your dress.

"Mm-hmm," you replied, leaning in to press a soft, lingering kiss to his lips.

"I think..." He mumbled in the kiss "We can try a different exercise for my fingers"

You giggled against his lips feeling your cheeks get warmer before his finger reached your clit "I'm here to help"

#naruto x reader #sasuke uchiha x reader #sasuke x reader #sasuke uchiha #sasuke #naruto

201 notes · View notes

bowsnstrings · 24 days ago

Text

Scorsese Baby Daddy!

Onyankopon x Black Coded Character ✌️🏾

Summary: Crashing out might be in the cards for tonight, but when things get hard, and hurtful words are said, how will Milana and Ony find a way to make things right?

Warning MDNI!: Fingering, Praise and dirty talk, Mentions of overstimulation, Mentions of food, Mentions of alcohol, Original character with original descriptions.

Masterlist:🍃

Word Count: 15.4k

Relationships were too complicated to even try at this point. Too secretive, too vulnerable, just too damn much. Especially with the way Ony had Milana so mad that she couldn’t even think, not after the argument the two of them got into first thing in the morning, while getting on campus of all places. A disaster already in the making, which only got worse as the day dragged on.

Things had actually started off so good, Milana’s alarm going off with its usual soft chime, breaking through the silence of her early morning. She groaned, reaching out from under her blanket to silence it. Her room was still dim, the early light creeping through the curtains, and she felt the pull of sleep that threatened to drag her back under. But she had a class to get to, and Ony would be picking her up soon.

With a heavy sigh, Milana pushed herself up, rubbing her eyes as she swung her legs off the bed and planted her feet on the cool floor. She stretched, feeling the remnants of sleep in her limbs, and glanced at the time on her phone: 8:15 AM. There was just enough time to get ready if she didn’t start lollygagging like she usually did, excited to see her man and enjoy his company before she had to actually work hard or study.

She shuffled over to the bathroom, brushing her teeth with an automatic rhythm, the minty freshness slowly waking her up. She splashed water on her face, using a warm washcloth to help her shake off the last bits of sleep, and then turned to face her reflection in the mirror. “Okay, Milana, let’s do this,” She muttered to herself, as if mentally preparing for battle. Knowing the situation going on under her bonnet, she definitely was about to go to war.

Nothing a nice hot shower couldn’t start to fix, shedding her sleep shirt and satin scarf to reveal her tangled curls that fell down her back. The warm steam swirling around as she jumped inside, closing the door behind her, letting out a small sigh as the heat enveloped her body. It felt good washing away the remnants of another night sleeping by herself, her phone calls with Ony being the only thing keeping her sane these days. Falling asleep in front of the screen while he was usually still up, counting money or bagging for customers while he soothed her with his voice.

She missed him, feeling like they’d been a little distant after being so close the first few weeks, nervous that their “honeymoon” stage might be fading away. The thought was only getting swept out of her mind under the cascading stream, feeling it relax her tense muscles. Milana closed her eyes for a moment, letting it all seep into her skin as she shampooed her hair, massaging herscalp with her fingertips, enjoying the way the lather slid through her thick hair. The scent of the shampoo, soft and filled with jasmine, lingered in the air as she rinsed it out.

After conditioning, she let the water flow through her hair, rinsing the curls into their natural pattern. Milana loved how her hair looked when it was wet—shiny and bouncy, but she knew that getting it just right was always a process. She stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a comfy towel, the coziness of it bringing solace to her skin. Her reflection in the mirror showed the early signs of a day well begun, a fresh glow from the shower and a peaceful, relaxed look in her eyes.

Milana set to work on her curls next, reaching for her wide-tooth comb, gently working through the damp strands. She’d learned long ago that combing it while wet, before it started to dry and frizz, was the key to avoiding knots. Reminding herself to go slow as she ran the comb through her hair, already she could tell it was going to be a good hair day. The curls felt soft and defined, just how she liked them. She applied a leave-in conditioner, massaging it through with care, and then followed up with a curl cream and gel, just enough to give some bounce without weighing her down.

Once she’d finished applying the products, she reached for a blow-dryer, using the diffuser attachment to slowly work her way through. Gently drying her hair while spending a few minutes in her own world until she was left with a halo of soft, bouncy curls, each one defined and full of life. That had Milana smiling at her reflection, loving how they looked today. Her hair had its own rhythm, and as much as she might complain about the time it took to style it, there was something satisfying about seeing the final result. It felt like a personal victory every time. With her hair, semi dry and perfectly styled, it was time to leave her vanity and start moving faster.

She knew Ony would be pulling up soon, clipping her hair up, and shedding her towel to lotion up. Smoothing a rich layer of body cream onto her arms, the soft, gourmand scent lingering in the air, mixing with the steam still present from her shower. Her hands glided over her skin, and she closed her eyes, letting the lotion soak in while her thoughts wandered off to her boyfriend again. Like that was anything new. But it had been a while since she’d truly stopped and reflected on how he made her feel.

In the quiet moments, when she was alone with her thoughts, she realized that he was a constant presence in her life. Not just physically, but in the way he made everything feel lighter. As she worked the cream into her thighs, she remembered the way he made even the smallest moments special. Ony had a way of being effortlessly kind, the type of person who always seemed to know exactly what you needed without you saying a word. He wasn’t loud or showy about it; instead, he was quietly, consistently present. Milana had always admired how he could make her feel safe, not just physically, but emotionally as well, showing it in both his words and actions.

She felt refreshed after putting some work in to look pretty, taking some time to actually smile at her reflection, brushing a hand over her arms to take in the smoothness. Admiring herself has never been easy, but after that shower session there was no way to bring her down. Opening her closet to scan the clothes hanging in front of her, excited as she jumped into a skirt and tied a knot into the back of her top to show off a little today. Brushing her lashes with her spoolie and swiping on her lip liner and gloss, just enough to feel awake and ready to face the day.

A glance at her phone told her it was already 10:40, meaning she was cutting it close, but that was nothing new. Milana nearly slipped on her hardwood floors as she sped to feed Oreo and grab her own breakfast. Shoving it down while standing in front of her microwave, happy that she at least remembered to pop her vitamins as well. With a familiar honk outside, she was scrambling to close the fridge and hop into her shoes as she snatched up her bag and textbooks, glasses nearly falling off in the process.

Ony picking her up for school was something new that she enjoyed him doing for her, smiling as he pulled up blasting her favorite songs in his “Batmobile” as she dubbed it. The nickname always made him laugh because of how dark his tints were and the expensive black car wrap that covered it. He hopped out and opened the door for her to get in, laying a sweet kiss to her cheek as she did, giggling softly, adjusting the books in her hands as she tried to stop cheesing so hard at his antics. He closed the door and got in himself to lay another kiss to her lips, grunting appreciatively when her hand cupped his cheek to hold him there.

He tried not to deepen it further, but Milana was just too intoxicating to him, his hands sneaking to wrap around her back. “Ah, Ony. We’ve got school to go to.” She reminded him as she pulled away, using her thumb to wipe her gloss off his lips.

“Yeah, yeah.” He grumbled, pulling her in for one more before he took off. As she buckled her seatbelt she observed him, noticing that his mood didn’t seem all the way there. His eyes fixed straight ahead as if he was lost in thought, a worse thought popping up in her head that maybe he was avoiding looking at her altogether.

“Hey,” Milana finally got him to glance at her as she tried to break the ice, her voice soft. “How are you?”

Ony gave a small humm, but it wasn’t a real answer. His movements stiff as he shrugged, the silence between them thick and uncomfortable. She frowned, trying to study him more, but he wasn’t giving her much to work with. “You okay?”

He nodded, but the gesture felt half-hearted. “Yeah,” he threw it out, replying flatly. His tone was so neutral that she was racking her brain trying to come up with any answers as to why today was so different. "Just tired."

She didn’t buy it, having known Ony long enough to tell when something was wrong, and this felt like something more than just a lack of sleep. She glanced at him, her heart sinking while her mood deflated a bit, but he truly hadn’t intended on being so cold today, wrapped up in his own emotions while trying to process how he felt.

Things with her were just moving much differently than he wanted, their relationship in a weird place for him in the aftermath of her argument with Sasha. He noticed how Milana had become more withdrawn, more reluctant to show affection in public, and now he couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe it was because of him. It had started small, little things like her pulling away when he tried to hold her hand in front of their friends or her quickly changing the subject when their relationship came up. But today, it hit him all at once when he wasn’t even trying to think about it.

Them taking things slow wasn’t an issue for him, if it was better for her, then it was better for their relationship. His only concern was that he didn’t see an end to them being private, and now it just felt like they were borderline secretive. Not going out in public, no dates like they were doing when they first got together, or even acting like a couple when they were out. It was hard for him, having to be stuck inside to receive her affection, and all he wanted was to feel proud of what they had—not like they were sneaking around.

Still, he noticed that his silence wasn’t helping to make the ride any easier, tilting his head to turn towards her. It gave her an opportunity to appreciate how beautiful he looked, light filtering through the window, casting a warm glow on his dark skin, making him look even more striking. The way his jawline looked sharp from the side, making his taper appear pronounced, the subtle intensity in his eyes reminding her of his mood. Sometimes, she couldn’t help how she found him so attractive, even if it was at a bad time, it hit her in waves, like she was seeing him for the first time all over again.

The way she looked at him made him smile, finally cracking through to bring him into better spirits. “You ate? You want me to grab you something before class?” Ony asked, reaching a hand out for her to hold while he finished the drive. The redirect allowed her time to breathe, brushing off his earlier behavior by chalking it up to him being tired like he said.

“I ate at home today, Babe. Had some oatmeal and fruit.” Milana squeezed his hand reassuringly, giving him a sweet smile as she answered.

“Good, that’s good.” He nodded, and she caught herself staring at him for a moment longer than she meant to. Ony turned, catching her gaze. He raised an eyebrow, a slight smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, stopping at a red light and reaching a hand over to pick up one of her curls and inspect them with tenderness. “Did your professor hit you back?”

She rolled her eyes, thinking about how her teacher had sent back her essay saying that she incorrectly cited one of her quotes. They didn’t even double check it to see that she hadn’t, and then had the nerve to not respond to her email for days. “Not yet. I’m more worried about this other class though. The homework is only getting harder.” She smoothed out her hair, sighing at the annoying things she’d have to face today.

“Nah, you’ll make it,” Ony said confidently, shaking his head at how she acted like she couldn’t handle the homework, she was the only person he knew who’d look at a “B” and want to cry. “It’s just class, don’t stress so much, Mama.”

“Just class?” She echoed with a playful glare. “If I don’t pass that class I’ll be casting shame upon my whole family.” Milana dramatically threw herself to the side in a fit of mock despair, holding a hand to her forehead like she was liable to faint.

Ony tried to suppress his laughter, her antics getting the best of him, still making him smile through all the struggle he was facing inside. A reprieve from the tension giving them a second of normalcy again. “You’ll do great. Besides, I’ll be there to help you with everything. Y’know, in case you need tutoring later.” He turned to her with a wink, his mischievous smile telling her that studying isn’t what he really wanted to do.

Milana shot him a sideways glance, humming as if she wasn’t sure, as she replied. “Tutoring, huh? Well, how qualified are you?”

“Oh, I’m more than qualified,” Ony said, putting on his smoothest face, making her turn away before she’d burst into laughter. “In fact, I’m thinking of giving private lessons, just you and me. No distractions.” He reached a hand over, letting his fingertips skim up her bare leg to tickle her, she couldn’t help but to laugh now.

“I’ll pass on the tutoring, I already know someone for that. That way I can be free for some alone time.” Wiggling her eyebrows up and down in a way that had him rolling his eyes at her silliness, she finally felt at ease without the awkwardness filling the car.

“You for real got a tutor? Who?” His question was innocent enough, just genuinely wanting to make sure that she was covered in school. He knew how hard she worked in order to do good, and wouldn’t want her to feel like she was slipping up when her semester was almost over.

“Just a friend, my super smart one. We’re going to meet at a cafe or something so he can help me out.” Ony’s eyes narrowed just slightly, the corners of his mouth twitching with a mix of curiosity and something else, an unmistakable hint of jealousy.

It hadn’t meant to creep in the way it did, but the fact that she was so casual about going out with some random guy he'd never met instead of him made his feelings bubble back to the surface all over again. This time coming back tenfold. Maybe it was his mood, or his exasperation with their situation, but he just couldn’t bite the sarcastic jab that left his mouth.

“Damn, you going out with him like that? I don’t got to worry do I?” His voice laced with simmering aggravation that he just couldn’t seem to tame. He couldn’t help but be a bit fed up, tired of tiptoeing around the issue. He’d rather just bring it out and lay it all on the table, but he also didn’t really know the right words to say at the moment.

“What?” Milana responded immediately, brows scrunching in confusion at how he flipped so fast. The air thickened all at once, sucking up the joy that was once there and replaced it with unspoken frustration. “Okay, Ony. What’s up with you?” She finally asked, turning to him with a huff, arms crossing over her chest as she started to feel an attitude creep in. He couldn’t expect her to just be cool with how he’d been acting, especially when he was throwing random jabs.

“It’s nothing.” He tried to brush her off once again, but when he saw that she wasn’t going to let up about it he continued. “I just.. I don’t think this lowkey shit is gonna work for me.” Ony huffed, trying not to let his emotions take over, choosing his words carefully as he spoke. He knew this wasn’t about her friend, it was about them, and how much he wanted to change the way they were right now.

As cautious as he tried to be, it didn’t matter when his delivery still hurt, his tone much less understanding than it usually was. Besides, what did he mean by “lowkey shit”? What was he trying to say? Blindsided wasn’t the word, she felt like something was bothering him lately, but never expected Ony to be upset about that.

“Didn’t you agree when we said we’d keep it private? I thought that’s what you wanted too.” Milana pointed out as she spoke defensively. It wasn’t like she had anything to hide, she just felt like she had made the right choice. They were doing them, without anyone to criticize how they were doing it, what’s so wrong with that?

“I never said I wanted that, you did.” He tossed back, regretting the fact that he had even agreed to that in the first place. At this point, he was ready to forget it and just drop it. He felt misunderstood, simply wanting the respect of being treated like a partner in public.

“Ony, you’re literally getting all upset ‘cause I don’t want to put our business out there?”

His eyes turned, narrowing in on her intensely. The look made her falter slightly as Ony only heightened the situation. She’d never seen him so… upset, usually always calm and even-tempered like nothing could phase him. “That’s not what I said. I just don’t think it’s going to work for us. The fuck is wrong with that?”

Oh now he was doing way too much. “Wait,” Milana chuckled, laced with disbelief at his tone, his chest all puffed up as he tilted his head, smacking his lips at her. “Why are you cursing at me? You act like I’m committing a crime for not wanting to put myself out there on front street.” Now she was ready to show out, voice as sharp as her eyes that looked like they could cut him down.

Ony tried to take a deep breath, in through the nose and out through the mouth. His voice tightening as he held his composure. “All I’m saying is, I want to be able to be with you without having to worry about other people, and you should want that too.”

Milana’s scoff cut through the air like a blade, her frustration obvious as she rolled her eyes like he wasn’t making sense. He’d been trying to be patient up until this point, but hearing that dismissive sound sent a stabbing spike of irritation through him. It wasn’t just the words anymore; it was a culmination of everything, the way he felt like he wasn’t good enough to be proud of.

“Or are you trying to keep things on the low so you can still fuck around?”

Milana’s chest tightened uncomfortably, all of the air being sucked out of her at once. Her cheeks puffed up as she resisted the urge to ball up her fists unless she wanted to break a nail. The weight of his accusation hit her like a ton of bricks, and she couldn’t see anything past the red hot anger that was clouding her vision. “You know what, you can drop me off here.” Her voice shook as she tried not to spew out every obscenity she was thinking of, ready to just walk to school at this point.

Ony huffed through his nose, wanting to slam his head against the wheel after letting that out. That wasn’t supposed to happen, popping off at the mouth and saying reckless things unintentionally, a bad habit he was still trying to conquer. It definitely didn’t help that whenever he looked at her he had a strange mix of frustration and attraction going on in his head. He’d definitely have to tell her later that her angry face made him want to kiss her, and maybe do a little more than that.

“Are you seriously asking me to pull over and let you out?” Ony asked, his voice a mix of disbelief and a half-amused chuckle. “You’re funny if you think I’d do that.”

Milana’s face immediately darkened, glaring daggers at him. “Nothing about this is funny, so don’t even start with me.” All she wanted to do was scream, hands gripping the end of her skirt, bunching it in her hands frustratedly.

“Ain’t nobody starting with you, so chill.” He clicked his tongue, scratching at his jawline, trying to think of ways to apologize when they both calmed down. Her mouth opened again, ready to fire back at him when he cut in. “And I don’t give a fuck about your lil’ attitude. I’m still dropping you off and making sure you get there safe.” His tone had that finality to it, which meant no matter how she begged or pleaded, he was going to follow through. Her arms crossed over her chest, huffing in annoyance as she sat back and waited.

They each ignored each other on the ride there, Milana suddenly finding the window more interesting, looking at the side of his head each time she looked up, trying not to smack her lips in annoyance. Her body stiff, legs crossed so he couldn’t rest his hand on her thigh, bobbing her foot up and down in her cute wedges as she tried not to look at her anklet with his initial on it.

Did he really think she didn’t want to be with him without having to worry about what people would say? Of course, she wanted the same thing, but how could they have that when her own best friend wasn’t approving of them. She was so mad, even more so when she realized he wasn’t wrong, not exactly. He felt the way he felt, though said it in a bad way, but she also felt this deep, gnawing fear that she couldn’t and didn’t know how to explain to him. Afraid of opening up to the world, of being vulnerable. It wasn’t just about hiding their relationship; it was about protecting it. About protecting them from the harsh judgment that came with it.

Milana couldn’t dwell on it for too long, her campus coming into view as they pulled up, watching as Ony still came around to her side and opened her door, helping her step out once he parked in his usual spot down the street from the entrance. She practically leapt to her feet to get away from him, looking around to make sure no one saw them, the action not going unnoticed by him, only making his anger boil all over again. Milana was just about to storm off in a huff when Ony cleared his throat behind her, gesturing to her forgotten school bag in his hands. Oh great.

With her arms carrying her books, she made her way back to him, avoiding his eyes in a mix of embarrassment and irritation. She reached a hand out to take it back from him when he pulled it out of her reach, a teasing expression to him. “Nah, I think I’ll carry it for you.” Even better.

Ony leaned down, eyes boring into hers as he pressed a small kiss to the corner of her mouth, not able to stay mad for long, sliding the books out of her hands to walk them for her. Milana stepped back, not wanting to be so close to him right now, still feeling the residual emotions from their spat earlier. “Don’t be like that, Ma.”

“And what am I supposed to be like, Onyankopon?” She snapped back, reeling it in when he shot her a look for being short with him, lips pressing together to keep from saying anything else.

They started walking afterwards, Ony carrying all her things while Milana was actively trying to ignore him still, seething silently. People were practically tripping over their own feet trying to get out of his way, seeing the deep scowl he had on his face from not being able to resolve anything and having to leave it there. Whispers going around all by her ears making her want to cry and scream all at once.

Fuck, this wasn’t how he wanted it to go at all. Now she was stomping her little feet all around campus, looking cute as ever, but too mad to let him do anything about it. Ony sighed, rubbing a hand down his face as he tried to shake off the guilt he was feeling. He said all the wrong things, too upset to think straight the moment he spilled out what he’d been trying to avoid all this time.

The path to class was too brief for his liking, but not short enough for hers, wanting to escape and be done with this situation. She turned to face him once they reached her Roots of African American culture class, the professor and some students already gathered to begin. He silently handed over her books and bag, watching her sling it over her shoulder and try and turn away to leave.

“We gone settle this later.” Ony all but declared, stuffing his hands in his pocket, mindful not to put his hands on her to give her some space.

“I don’t think so.” His tongue ran over his teeth, biting down and reminding himself that she had a right to be upset. He knew he’d only rile things up even more if he didn’t reel it in, and he’d never embarrass her by trying to argue right in front of her classroom.

“You don’t get to avoid me forever, gotta talk to me at some point, Milana.” Ony eased out, trying to reason softly with her, but only making her stomach tighten with a mix of emotions.

“Yeah well, you don’t get to say hurtful things then act like you care.” Her voice wobbled at the end, quickly rushing into her classroom before she broke down in an embarrassing scene. She took deep breaths, digging in her bag for some headphones to get through the day, writing notes with hardly any effort or drawings to power through. Instead, her mind was focused on not thinking about her boyfriend.

In the end, Ony still made his presence known everywhere she turned. He had been trying to talk it out all day with endless calls and texts, asking her to at least respond. Having to deal with that was hard enough, especially when she had to practically escape off campus to avoid driving with him again. Leaving class thirty minutes early after sending a text to let him know she didn’t need a ride.

That’s when he started going off the deep end, sending Mikasa, a neutral party, over with chocolates from him, really going all out to get her to answer the phone. At some point his messages started turning from asking to telling her that he was coming over, demanding to speak. There was just no way he was going to let this argument continue on like this, but Milana wasn’t too ready to just give up after she felt like he disrespected her.

“It’s like he thinks he owns me. Like I’m supposed to move when he says to. Just disregards everything I’m saying, and to top it all off, accused me of being a cheater?” She ranted, pacing her bedroom back and forth as she replayed the argument from her perspective.

“Girl, this is why I don’t fuck with men.” Mikasa opened another candy wrapper, popping it into her mouth with a content hum until it was snatched out of her hands. “What-”

“Stop eating my chocolates!” Milana huffed out as she slammed the box closed, tossing it to the other side of the bed with an annoyed eye roll. “Focus! Help me think about what I’m supposed to do when he gets here.”

Mikasa groaned, sitting up and rubbing her temples for a second while in deep thought. She mumbled ideas to herself under her breath, then smiled with a troublesome look, something that made Milana a bit hesitant. “What?” She asked, Mikasa sitting up and leaning close to her ear, playing the little devil on her shoulder.

“You want to show him you can make decisions without him, right? Be your own boss, don’t take his shit.” Whispering to her in a soothing tone, her words twisting something in her stomach, feeling a scheme coming on. “Come with me to this bonfire.”

“A bonfire?” How was a party going to solve her issues with Ony? That only sounded like some payback, like toxic Mikasa was in full effect. She felt a twinge of apprehension until it started mixing in with anger, turning into a desire to get out of the house. A strong sense of pride that made her want to show him that he couldn’t talk to her in any type of way. Mikasa’s advice is starting to sound better and better, and besides, if this were Sasha she’d probably be telling her to just cut her losses with him. What was the harm in hearing out another idea?

“Show him you’re not waiting around for him to decide your life. You don’t have to ask permission to go anywhere, so no harm no foul. You’re just going to go and get your mind off of things.” One gift that girl had was to make anything sound persuasive, and right now, everything was making a lot of sense. “No one from campus will be there. Let loose a little.”

Let loose, huh? Maybe, just maybe, that’s exactly what she needed. “Give me ten minutes to get dressed.” Milana smirked, a little eager to get out of the house for the first time in a while. She definitely should’ve said twenty though, since Mikasa was holding her to every second. Impatient as she threw on her makeup and scrambled all over the room. Shimmying into some white capris and pulling on a low cut butterfly cami before picking out her chunkiest bracelets and matching heels. She stood in front of the mirror, her hands shaking slightly as she applied the finishing touches, rubbing in some glittering body oil over her skin.

The argument with Ony replayed in her mind, the harsh words, the silence that followed, and the look in his eyes that made her doubt everything. How could he feel like she would betray him like that? When she’d been actively trying to open up just like he was, letting him in closer than anyone else had ever gotten. The thought of even entertaining someone else was laughable, knowing that she’d rather throw up then have to flirt with a man. Especially when she wouldn’t find anyone else like Ony.

Milana had missed him all day, reading through each text he sent while trying not to cry, so angry with him that she didn’t know what to do. Despite the ache in her heart, she knew this was the step she needed to take. A small act of courage to move forward, even if only for tonight. Who knows when she’d feel like socializing again, and maybe it’d give her the confidence she needed to talk things out. Wanting nothing more than to squash this issue and get an apology, but she couldn't bring herself to reach out first. Not yet, anyway. She took a deep breath, knowing deep down, staying in her room while spiraling wouldn’t help. Shaking out the tenseness she felt, she made her way outside with Mikasa, seeing her smile and admiring her look today.

“You look amazing,” Mikasa said as they walked out to the car. “Bonfire's going to be good for you.” The drive to the beach was filled with light conversation and the crackling sound of the radio. Most of it a blur until they actually arrived at the beach, hopping out to make their way to the pit. It was where everyone went for hangouts, parties getting thrown nearly every day of the week all the time.

The air outside was getting crisp, the scent of burning wood filling their lungs as they approached the group gathered around the fire. She didn’t know them personally, not like Mikasa, but they were familiar faces and always nice when they ran into her.

People laughing, talking, and enjoying the warmth of the flames, spread across the area on lawn chairs and beach towels. This should be the perfect distraction. Milana and Mikasa joined the others, finding a spot to stand near the pit. As the warmth enveloped her, Milana felt a slow exhale escape her lips. She could hear Mikasa already jumping into conversations with multiple people, but her mind wandered again to Ony. He stopped reaching out, going radio silent now, which made her feel more uneasy, checking her phone again and again, refreshing it just to see nothing. Now she felt like she had taken him for granted, that he figured it was a waste of time trying to fix it. Was he even sorry? She didn’t know.

Mikasa was her usual cheery self within the group surrounding them, but Milana could sense her friend’s attention, occasionally drifting back to check on her. It made her feel a little better, but not enough to shake the unease. Her hands stretched out in front of her, warming up by the fire, each one holding a heel that was cute but impractical for the beach. “Hey, you okay?” Mikasa’s voice was gentle, probably sensing that she was sensitive, nudging Milana playfully with her shoulder.

She gave a half-hearted smile, softly kicking at the sand while inspecting the jumping embers. Her lips rubbed together as she tried to appear more calm than she felt. “Yeah, just… not used to this.”

Mikasa chuckled lightly. “It’s just a bonfire, Milana. No one’s going to bite.” This time she reached out and draped an arm over her shoulders, making her feel even warmer. “You want me to introduce you to someone?”

Milana hesitated. The thought of engaging with more strangers made her feel even more self-conscious. She glanced around at the group, hearing snippets of laughter and conversation, but felt too shy to join in. It was easier to stay quiet, to stay in her shell. “I don’t know,” Her voice low, quietly dropping her gaze to the sand. “I’m fine here.”

Mikasa nodded understandingly. “Alright, but if you change your mind, I’m right here.” Milana gave a small nod, appreciating the support. She stayed there, watching the fire, feeling its warmth but still battling the uncertainty inside her. Now she was wondering how her friend got her to agree with this. She didn’t get the chance to find out, an entire hour in and she hadn’t done much but feel like an imposter amongst everyone else.

The night alive with the pulse of music, the scent of saltwater in the air, orange and yellow light illuminating the beach. Mikasa making her laugh, hearing it mingle with the sound of waves, but her thoughts were far from relaxed. It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy being there, but there was something gnawing at her. Something about being here without Ony, without him knowing, felt wrong. Her nerves creating a tight knot in her stomach.

Milana excused herself to get a drink, needing some time alone for a second to just process everything. Some of the faces around her became unfamiliar, their energy high and free, something she struggled to mirror as she walked carefully to the cooler. Rummaging through it, she found a spiked lemonade that hadn’t been taken, celebrating her win with a smile as she cracked it open. The taste was heaven, cooling her down and giving her a little buzz to get through the rest of the night.

Mikasa approached her, noticing her expression was a little more serious than usual as she glanced up, sensing something was going on in her friend's mind. “Hey, Lana,” She said, taking a deep breath before sitting down in an empty chair next to her. “I need to dip for a second, my ex is here.”

Milana’s heart skipped a beat. “Wait, what?” She immediately sat down too, shocked to know that her ex girlfriend had showed up. They did know the same people, but usually she was always trying to stay away from Mikasa, keeping her blocked for months now.

“Yeah.” Mikasa’s tone was careful, almost hesitant. “I know, I know. It’s a bit of a mess, but she’s here, and I think I need to clear the air, you know?” Her eyes softened as she glanced at her friend. “I’ll be back soon. I just need to do this for myself.”

Milana blinked, processing the sudden shift. She didn’t realize Mikasa still had unfinished business with her Ex. Her friend, usually so confident and composed, was showing a vulnerability she hadn’t expected. Mikasa wasn’t one to really talk about their relationship, maybe it was painful to bring up, but tonight it seemed like she was ready to lay it all on the table. “You’re sure?” She asked, trying to keep her voice low. “You want to do this now?”

Mikasa nodded, her lips curling into a small, reassuring smile. “Yeah. When you love someone, you have to make it right.” That caught her attention, Milana’s head poking up at her friend's words, taking in the subtle advice. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but she wasn’t sure what words would be helpful. Instead, she just nodded.

“Okay. I’ll be right here when you get back.”

Mikasa stood, giving her a quick, tight hug. “Thanks, Lana,” She whispered before walking off away from the group of people who had gathered near the bonfire. Milana watched her go, feeling a strange mix of emotions. There was a sense of loneliness creeping in, but also a strange respect for Mikasa’s courage.

Her mind drifted back to the way Ony had looked at her, distant and hurt, and the words that had spilled out between them like a tidal wave. Maybe it had hurt him, just as much as it had torn her apart. Was she brave enough to fix it though? To apologize? Milana’s gaze dropped to the sand, tossing her shoes down beside her, huffing as she tried to ignore the tears welling up, her anger dissipating slowly. The idea of approaching him, of letting her guard down enough to admit her mistakes, made her feel nauseous.

But, then she drifted away again, her heart fluttering uncomfortably as a few memories of happier times with Ony flickered through her mind. Images of them laughing together, sharing quiet moments, the way he’d always held onto her like a lifeline, keeping her grounded. They’d built something together, something that felt like it could last, and yet, here they were, on the edge of something fragile.

Maybe Mikasa was right, and it was time to face the hard conversations. But how? How could she find the courage to repair what had been broken? Her fingers gripped the edge of her seat tightly, a small but defiant gesture. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to go to Ony yet, but the thought of letting everything slip away without trying seemed even harder to bear.

The sight of someone nearby pulled her out of her reverie. Milana turned, and a guy she didn’t recognize was standing beside her, dropping down into Mikasa’s old seat. He stretched out, getting a little too close for comfort as he decided to speak. “You look like you could use some company,” The man said with a sly wink, the kind that made her uncomfortable. “I’m Nate. What’s your name?”

His grin was confident, his eyes wandering over her as if she were a prize to be claimed. Milana forced a smile, but she wasn’t really interested. Her mind was still rushing in different directions. “Lana.” She shrugged out, lips pulled into a tight lipped smile as she went back to sipping her drink.

Milana looked uneasy, shifting back a little, but the man didn’t seem to take the hint. Instead, he scooted in closer, eyes gleaming when his hand brushed a bit too close to hers. “Silent type, I like that. You’re far too beautiful to be sitting here all alone though. Want to go for a walk?” She felt her stomach turn, but before she could come up with a polite excuse, a familiar voice cut through the noise.

“The fuck is going on here?”

She whipped around to see Ony, his face stormy, jaw clenched tight like he could shatter his teeth right now. His eyes looked past her, locked on the man beside her, and for a split second, the world seemed to freeze. Milana’s heart dropped into her stomach. She hadn’t even seen him pull up, but there he was, furious with defensive fists clenched at his sides.

When he had stepped onto the beach, the sound of the party was already buzzing in his ears, his feet hurriedly stomping towards the prettiest girl there. He hadn't wanted to come, not in the mood to be there, or around anyone for that matter after the argument with Milana. Yet, somehow Mikasa had convinced him, practically begged him, persuading him with the promise of being able to finally see his girl. Her presence was so magnetic that it almost hurt to look at her, and even from a distance, she commanded him towards her.

There, in front of him was everything he couldn’t seem to get out of his head. Her skin, so deep and rich that he practically wanted to sink his teeth in, glowing softly in the firelight. He watched the way her curls framed her face, a halo of beauty, each strand alive and full of life. The way her lips parted slightly when she smiled, the apple of her cheeks full with life just like her eyes. They held a shade of brown that always seemed to catch the light just right, making everything else around him blur.

For a moment, the anger, the confusion, the words they’d exchanged earlier melted away. All that was left was the woman he loved, standing in front of him like an image of pure poise and beauty. Then in an instant, it all turned sour.

Nothing could prepare him to see her sitting next to some guy. Ony quickly telling himself that he was overreacting, it’s nothing. He had no right to feel jealous, no right to feel this sting. They were fine, not broken up. Convincing himself that they were just... in a rough patch. But something about the way the guy leaned in, way too close, made something twist painfully inside of him.

Milana could feel the heat rising in her cheeks, embarrassment mingling with all her other unresolved feelings. She hadn’t expected him to show up, and now she was stuck in the middle of something that felt like it was spiraling out of control. It seemed like the only one who hadn’t gotten the hint was Nate, smirking at Ony like this was funny to him. “Hey man, relax. We’re just talking.”

Ony was already tall, but when close by the fire, it made his shadow loom over the two sitting down. His posture made him seem even bigger, broad shoulders squared, obviously not playing around right now. He was moving with a controlled intensity, like a man who knew exactly how to command space, how to make himself noticed without uttering a word.

He glanced briefly at the guy again—still smiling, still leaning in too close, but it didn’t matter. There was nothing Ony had to say to him, turning his attention to who he came for. “Let’s go.” Was all he said, the sharpness in his tone made her flinch. Milana hadn’t expected him to react like this, he had never been possessive, or so angry. She opened her mouth to explain, but the words wouldn’t come out, realizing she hadn’t even considered how this might look to him.

There was nothing to say, instead that would have to come later. Milana pushed up from her chair to stand, solemnly bending down, ready to grab her shoes when a cold hand reached for her wrist. It took her brain a second to register that it wasn’t from her boyfriend, who was now looking like he could commit murder. No, that random dude was holding onto her, making her turned to him confused as he opened his mouth. “Hey, I don’t think so man.”

“Excuse me?” In an instant, Ony stepped forward, his hand reaching for Milana, pulling her firmly toward him. The movement was almost instinctual, like a predator ready to strike, body strumming as he tried not to blow this up for everyone to see. There was no way he’d let another man get away with putting their hands on his girl though.

“Look man, I don’t know who you are, but I’ve waited like forever to talk to her. Just go back to where you came from and let the girl live a little.” The guy just wouldn’t let go, too busy squaring off with her boyfriend to notice how she wasn’t even interested. In fact, she was wondering what part of their short, barely there conversation convinced him that this was okay.

Ony didn’t know what he felt first. Rage, possessiveness, maybe something even darker. He didn’t like the way the guy was looking at Milana, didn’t like how her body language had shifted from her usual demeanor to someone a lot more tense, still trying to politely escape the situation. He for sure didn’t like this creep’s fucking hands on her either, and if he didn’t let go soon then he’d probably have to learn how to use it again in the hospital.

Nate seemed to not get that little bit of information Ony was conveying, instead deciding to fill the tense atmosphere with his grating voice. “Aye, I don’t usually fight for chicks, but she’s so fine I might have to take her from you.” That might’ve been the biggest mistake of the night, sending everyone involved into a silence that stretched on uncomfortably.

Then, out of the blue, amused laughter left Ony’s lips, heavy and uncomfortable. It was scary sounding, so loud that it pierced everyone’s ears, his lips curled into a dark, humorless smile. Uneasy wasn’t even the word to describe how this felt, watching him descend into madness, shoulders shaking slightly with actual mirth. He tried, he really did try not to let the words sink in, but he could only laugh as the thoughts swirling around in his head took a turn for the worse.

“Alright then.”

Ony’s laugh died quickly, but the effect lingered, his voice falling into a chilling calm as he spoke, low and guttural. Milana jumped immediately, heart dropping to her feet, sensing that the dark edge to her boyfriend’s tone was a red flag in the making. His hand reached underneath his hoodie, dipping into the waistband of his jeans to pull out a gun.

“Ony!” Her surprised yelp caught the man up to speed, the guy’s smile faltered as he realized the shift in the atmosphere, finally making him react in the face of danger.

“Woah, man.” The guy obviously didn't know whether to run or stay there, and she didn't think it'd matter anyways. He let go of her hand immediately, allowing her more range to be able to get in front of Ony, trying to push him back from the situation that was quickly unfolding. Nate had been all cocky smiles and bravado when he made his initial comment, trying to make a show of his casual flirtation with Milana. Yet, now that the confrontation was real, and he was facing Ony, standing just a few feet away as he towered over him like a force of nature, it was clear that the guy’s confidence had begun to evaporate.

“Nah, fuck all that. What happened to taking my girl? What happened to all that shit you was talking?” He looked downright unhinged, his words so calm and cool, but his eyes were wild and so scary that she couldn't even recognize him anymore. Her heart seized in her chest at the realization, getting pulled out of the way in her lax state. Nate backed up as Ony stepped forward, her hands reaching out to clutch onto the back of his hoodie and keep him under control.

“Stop, Ony! He didn’t do anything!” That had him turning, looking at her like she was the crazy one, as if he wasn’t the one up in arms over another man simply interacting with her. It looked like he was gearing up to fire back at her, but it gave the guy an opportunity to take a step back, and then another. His body language shifted from brash to something else. Fear and uncertainty, a realization that he had overestimated himself. Without missing a beat, he ran off in the complete opposite direction of the party, the parking lot, and the city for some reason. His footsteps kicked up the sand as he bolted, weaving through the crowd, desperate to put as much distance between himself and the man who was threatening him. Honestly Milana sighed in relief for him, for a minute she thought that it was over for the poor guy.

“Fucking Dumbass.” Ony’s tone was bored as he shook his head, watching him go before looking side to side briefly as he tucked his gun back. The guy hadn't even gotten close enough to warrant a swing, yet here he was, running away, knowing he’d lose badly.

The crowd around them had gone silent. Some of them exchanged confused glances, others looked at Ony with a mix of surprise and wariness. But he didn’t care, he wasn’t there to prove anything. He wasn’t remorseful, had no guilt or even embarrassment at his actions, simply treating the situation like a simple inconvenience that he got out of character. The guy had made his choice, and now, with his back turned and his footsteps fading in the distance, the message had been delivered loud and clear.

“Ony, you’re acting like a psycho!” Milana whisper shouted to him. Her voice cracked with frustration, hands trembling slightly as she gestured at Ony, who stood there like a wall, his expression unreadable. The words felt harsh, but it was the only way she knew how to get through to him. The way he had stood there earlier, staring down that guy like he was ready to tear him apart scared her.

The tension between them was palpable, and everything that had been left unsaid was coming to the surface, thickening the air around them. He only tilted his head at her, not moving, not even flinching at her words. Observing her like he was trying to see why she would say that, and for a moment, she didn’t think he’d respond at all.

“Oh yeah? C’mere and let’s talk about why I’m acting like a psycho.” Her jaw dropped instantly, and Milana actually thought she’d flash from how angry she was, turning on her feet to snatch up her heels and start walking off, too outdone with him. The sand beneath her feet felt like it was shifting with every step, liable to take her down as the salty breeze whipped her hair across her face. The waves crashed violently against the shore, mirroring the turmoil she felt inside.

There was just no reasoning with him, too out of control, and she wasn’t about to deal with it right now. Milana felt so weighed down with emotion that she thought she’d fall over. The fight wasn’t just about the guy anymore; it was everything. The way he was reacting, the way he couldn’t control himself. This wasn’t the Ony she had fallen for, the one who was patient and understanding.

“Milana, the fuck are you walking away for?” Ony’s voice followed her, urgent, his footsteps heavy as he tried to catch up. But she didn’t stop, feeling a storm brewing from how fired up she felt. All she wanted was to escape the pressure building inside her chest.

“I need a break, Ony!” She snapped, quickening her pace, her frustration cutting through her voice. “I really can’t do this right now!” He was right on her tail though, ready to just pull her off the beach kicking and screaming if he had to. Done with playing these games where she’d leave and he’d have to wait for her to talk.

“You’re not even listening to me when I’m the one trying to make this right?” That had her laughing in disbelief, eyebrows scrunched as her whole face twisted into anger, turning around to poke a nail into the center of his chest, keeping him arms length away.

“Make this right? By following me here and popping up like you own me? Or better yet, by threatening to shoot someone like a lunatic?” Her voice went lower and more aggressive as she tried to get away, choosing a path with no one in front of her, trying to find her friend through the sea of onlookers.

“I wouldn’t have to follow you here and show his bitchass what’s up if you actually acted like you give a fuck. You keep pushing me away like you wanna be single or some shit.” Ony snapped, his words coming out sharper than he meant, venom coating each syllable. He could feel the heat of the argument burning in his veins, and the tighter his grip on his temper became, the more reckless his mouth got. The argument had escalated faster than she expected, each word cutting deeper, and now it felt like the space between them was too wide to bridge.

Milana froze at his words, her heart sinking in her chest. The way he said it sounded like a threat, like he was going to up and leave her. She slowly turned to face him, her face a mixture of disbelief and hurt. His stomach clenched, and for a split second, Ony thought he saw tears in her eyes. Something that made him freeze for just a heartbeat. “I didn’t do anything wrong, Ony. I wasn’t even talking to him. How could you say that?” Her voice was rising now, a mixture of hurt and frustration. “You’re just a self-centered jerk who only cares about his own feelings.”

He couldn’t even be mad at that, her outburst filled with pain that he had inadvertently caused by throwing out accusations he didn’t mean. Ony managed to get in front of her path, going around to stop her from moving again, reaching out to soothe her from his own words when she stepped back. “You don’t think I feel bad?” He genuinely asked, wanting nothing more than to take away everything he said.

“You didn’t feel bad when you disrespected me in your car, Ony!” Milana could feel the shame flooding in, the walls she had carefully built around herself starting to crumble, everything inside her spiraling out of control. The love she had felt, the trust they had built all felt like it was slipping through her fingers, and she couldn’t stop it.

“What are you talking about? I felt like a fucking dickhead, why do you think I sent you all them fucking messages and shit!” Frustrated, he rubbed a hand down his face, holding himself back after that unexpected flash of anger. He saw the way people were trying to get closer to hear their argument, his blood boiling too much to deal with them too.

“Whatever, they don’t mean anything when you don’t even apologize.” She tried to step around him, his feet following hers like he knew every move she was about to make, mirroring her pace to stay close.

“You think I just wanted to talk for shits and giggles?” His arm catching hers before she could turn and walk away after realizing that he was trailing her like a shadow. Her head pounding uncomfortably trying to keep herself from acting crazy in public. “I’m not trying to yell at you right now, but I want you to talk to me.” There was no way he’d let her just go, not right when they were finally talking about what was going on, even if they were attracting a bit of attention.

“I want to go home.” Exasperated, Milana stomped her foot at him, trying to see around his stupidly tall body to find Mikasa. Her lip became wobbly as all her emotions hit her at once, and for the first time in a long while, Milana felt panic and was scared that everyone was seeing her fall apart. Seeing them fall apart. The weight of everything between them finally overwhelmed her. The floodgates she had been holding back all night were threatening to burst, and the anger and hurt mixed into a choking sob in her throat.

Ony felt a sharp pang in his chest at the sound of her voice, the pain in it hitting him harder than any physical punch ever could. “I’ll-I’ll take you. Right now, Baby. Whatever you want.” Ony felt desperate, alarmed seeing her almost cry, hating himself as he feared he took it too far. His hands came to rub up and down her arms, trying to bring her back down, sensing that she was too overwhelmed to think in the moment. “Let’s go, swear I’ll just take you home.”

“No.” She immediately rejected, the sting hurting worse than anything else she could’ve said. “I need..I should be by myself.” The words hit him like a blow, especially when he could see how much this was hurting her, the vulnerability that was hidden behind her anger, and he knew that this wasn’t just about the fight. It was about something deeper, something they hadn’t yet figured out. She wasn’t just trying to walk away from him; she was retreating into herself, and it terrified him more than he cared to admit.

“I can’t leave you here, Milana,” Ony said, stepping closer, his tone gentle but firm. “I’m taking you home.” His eyes softened, trying not to sound like he wanted to control her. He wasn’t trying to make her feel small, the hurt in her voice just stirred something inside him—a need to protect, to comfort, even if he wasn’t her favorite person right now.

Without another word, he closed the gap between them. He didn’t wait for her to protest or argue again. Only gently, but firmly lifting her into his hold, his strong arms encircling her waist and under her knees, pulling her close against his chest. Milana gasped, her body stiffening in surprise, but before she could protest or struggle, he was already walking toward the parking lot, his steps steady, almost calming in their rhythm. The warmth of his body against hers, the security of his hold, made her stomach twist in an unfamiliar way.

“Ony, stop!” She protested weakly, her voice barely above a whisper. “You shouldn’t-” He didn’t stop. He kept walking, his focus on getting her into the car, away from the harsh winds of the beach, away from the tension they’d created.

“I’m not putting you down,” He said quietly, his voice steady and strong despite feeling anything but right now. “You don’t have to say anything. Just let me get you in the car, alright?” Milana went silent, her heart racing as she rested her head against his shoulder, the steady beat of his heart beneath her ear. The anger from the argument was still there, simmering beneath her skin, but the feeling of being held in his arms, of being cared for in this quiet way, was beginning to break her down.

They reached his car, and he carefully opened the passenger door with one hand, setting her gently inside. As he buckled her in, his fingers brushing against hers, and he looked at her with regret in his eyes. Milana felt a knot loosen in her chest, but there was still that part of her that wanted to pull away, that wanted to hide from him, to protect herself from the hurt that always seemed to come with conflict. But Ony wasn’t giving up on her. He wasn’t giving up on them.

He closed the door gently and walked around to the driver’s side, his movements slow, deliberate. As he started the car and pulled away from the beach, the quiet that settled between them felt different from before. It wasn’t filled with anger anymore. It was filled with the weight of things unsaid, but also with some flickering hope that they could repair what had been broken.

Milana stared out the window, the city lights shining brightly as they drove, her thoughts tangled in confusion. The warmth from his earlier embrace was still with her, but so was the ache from their words. Ony had carried her physically to the car, but emotionally, she wasn’t sure where they stood. The road ahead felt uncertain, but for the first time in what felt like a long while, she didn’t feel completely alone, they were hurting together.

He kept his focus on the road, his eyes steady, but every so often, he would glance at her, his gaze full of quiet concern. He didn’t know exactly what she needed right now, but he knew she needed him whether she admitted it or not. She could tell that he cared, that he was more than just a man filled with rage. Yet, somehow they’d both lost sight of that, getting wrapped up in hurt feelings and they didn’t know how to fix it. What happens if they couldn’t? If the way they felt for each other wasn’t enough, if she wasn’t enough to fix it.

Milana’s face was soft in the dim light of the car's interior, but there was an unmistakable distance in her eyes, an emotional gap that made him fearful for the first time in forever. Ony kept his hands on the steering wheel, his grip a little too tight, his knuckles constricting as he tried to find the right words.

He just blew up on the beach, too angry to be anything but stupid, careless— reacting without thinking, and she had only been quick to call him out to protect herself. He rubbed a hand over his face, exhaling slowly as he tried to relax. He hated this, all of the fighting with Milana. Not just because it hurt, but because it made him realize just how much he valued her, how deeply he cared for her. Thoughts running to the sound of her gentle laugh, the way her eyes would light up when she talked about something she loved, and how she always made him feel like he was enough, even on his worst days.

He thought of the way she cared for him too, how she always seemed to know when he needed her, someone to lean on with kind words and even kinder touches. She had been a steady force in his chaotic world, and he wanted to be that for her too. It was the little things that made him realize how deeply he loved her, how much he wanted to make her feel seen and heard even if he wasn’t always good at that.

But right now, he had failed her. He hadn’t been the understanding, patient boyfriend she deserved, letting his own frustration spill out at the wrong moment in all the wrong ways, and now Ony didn’t know what to think. He couldn’t just let the day end like this, with a wall between them. He wasn’t perfect, and he never claimed to be, but what he did know was that he loved Milana. He loved the way she made him laugh, the way she pushed him to be better, and the way she accepted him, flaws and all. He wasn’t going to let one argument overshadow everything they’d started building.

When they reached her apartment, Ony pulled into his parking spot and turned off the engine, the car’s soft hum fading into the night. The air felt heavy, thick with the weight of their unresolved emotions, his body turning towards her, trying to be as open as he could. “Milana...” He started, his voice quieter now, more calm than earlier, making her ears perk at the change. “Look- I know we might need time, but... can we talk? I don’t want to leave with this hanging over us.”

Ony’s earlier words still echoed in her head, each one a painful reminder of how much he had hurt her. The guilt in his voice now, the way he had insisted on taking her home, only made it worse. It felt like he was trying to fix things, but she wasn’t sure how to let him anymore. Her heart twisted, the pressure building up behind her eyes.

She wanted to scream, wanted to shout that it was too late for talking, that the words had already done enough damage. Instead, she felt a lump form in her throat, too big to swallow, too thick to push down. The tears were coming, she could feel them in her chest, in the tightness of her throat, and she knew she couldn’t let him see. Not now. Not like this.

Milana’s hand trembled as she reached for the door handle, the sound of it clicking echoing in the quiet night. “I’m sorry,” She whispered, not looking at him, her voice breaking. “I just… I can’t. I can’t talk right now.” Before he could say anything, before he could even try to understand, she swung the door open and nearly stumbled out of the car.

Her body was moving on instinct, driven by the need to get away from him, away from the suffocating weight of the argument. Away from the pain that had settled in her chest. Ony’s voice followed her, soft but panicked. “Milana, wait-” But she didn’t stop. She couldn’t. Closing the door made her heart race, like she was shutting down bit by bit. Her pace quickened, almost frantic, her footsteps loud against the pavement, each one echoing in the quiet street.

Milana reached the door to her apartment, fumbling with her keys before pushing it open with trembling hands, and practically running inside. As soon as she was through the door, the floodgates opened. The tears came, hot and fast, as if they had been waiting for her to finally break. She pressed her palms to her face, trying to muffle the sobs that shook her whole body, but the sound of her own pain only made it worse.

Milana didn’t even care if anyone heard her, if the neighbors could hear her breaking. She just needed to feel something besides the emptiness that had taken over her. She didn’t want to talk to Ony right now, didn’t want to face him, because deep down, she wasn’t sure she could forgive him yet. The wounds were too fresh, and the words still felt like scars on her heart.

Oreo approached her with comforting meows, and she scooped him up into her arms, holding him close as though his small, wiggly body could absorb some of her pain. She made her way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind her as if it could block out the world, and held him tightly to her chest. Sinking to the floor, her body folded in on itself as if the weight of the world had crashed down on her. And for a moment, it felt like she was drowning in it all, burying her face in the soft fur of her cat, trying to find some comfort in the familiar warmth.

Meanwhile, Ony sat in his car, his hands gripping the steering wheel, staring blankly at the dashboard. His mind raced with all the things he should have said and done, but it felt like every time he tried to work through it, every word he thought of just made everything worse. He had crossed a line tonight, and the damage was already done. This was probably the hardest thing he’d ever done, going in blind with no experience in making up like this. Usually, a gift was good enough, send some flowers, candy, maybe a new bag depending on how bad he messed up. To make things better with his words seemed like an impossible task.

Cursing to himself, he cut the engine, not able to shake the fear that if he tried to apologize now, he’d just make it worse. That somehow, his words would fail her again. But… she needed him. No matter how many times he told himself he was the last person who should be near her right now, the fear that this was it drove him forward. It gave him the kick he needed to muster up the courage to get out of the car and approach her apartment. Her front door unlocked still, probably in her rush to get inside, locking it for her and stepping in further.

Ony noted that it was dark except for the light pouring in underneath the bathroom door, his feet planted outside of it, making sure that when he spoke now it’d only be to comfort her. He sucked in a breath as he knocked softly, getting no response. He knocked again, this time more urgently, calling her name. “Baby? Let me see you, Ma.” His heart raced, and a feeling of helplessness swirled inside him. What if she wasn’t ready? What if she just wanted space? He couldn’t leave without telling her, at the very least, that he was sorry. That he cared. That he was here. If there was even a chance he could make it right, he had to try. She deserved better than what he had given her tonight. She deserved honesty, and respect, and a love that didn’t cause pain.

Inside, Milana heard his voice, but it didn’t make her feel any better. In fact, it made her cry even more. She didn’t know what to say to him. She didn’t know how to put all the emotions she was feeling into words that wouldn’t come out wrong. Instead, she buried her face deeper into Oreo’s fur, as if hoping the cat could protect her from the hurt that still stung. The soft, rhythmic purring of the black-and-white cat was the only thing grounding her, a nice presence in the midst of her emotional storm. Her fingers absently stroked his back, trying to find some sense of calm that seemed just out of reach.

The knocks on the door continued, and finally, Milana stood, wiping her face as best as she could. Her makeup had tear streaks down the sides of her cheeks, and her nose was a bit runny as she tried to clean herself up in her mirror. Ony’s words filtered through as he continued talking to her, hearing the water running for a few seconds and her bracelets jingling as she moved around, giving him a bit of comfort.

After a few minutes to collect herself, she opened the bathroom door, not quite ready to face him but knowing she had to. Oreo slinked his way out through the other side as Ony stood patiently, his expression full of concern, guilt, and something else she couldn’t quite place. He sighed, deep and heavy with emotion, one that made her want to cry all over again. “Baby,” His voice hoarse with raw emotion, hands clenching again, but this time to keep himself controlled.

He knew that there were going to be more hard times, moments when things won’t go perfectly, but he was still willing to fight for her. He’d always fight for her, he’d acknowledge his mistakes and decide to do the work to make things right, because at the end of the day, she was worth it.

“I’m sorry,” Ony said quietly, a bit shaky, unused to having to apologize. “I should’ve never said those things. I should’ve never let it get out of control. I—I should’ve never said that mean shit to you. I just got frustrated, and I didn’t know how to fix it in front of everyone.”

Milana’s palms came up to press over her eyes, taking a trembling breath in and out. Her breathing hitched as she finally let her arms fall to her sides, the tension in her body slowly easing, though the rawness of everything still clung to the air around them. She didn’t look away from him, but her lips quivered as she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. “That was h-horrible, Ony. What we said to each-each other-”

Her words cut off, trying to stay in the moment with him, forcing herself to stand in the uncomfortable feeling to get it out. “I f-felt like I was losing you, like… like nothing I did mattered.” He had apologized, had bared the weight of his regret, but what were they going to do moving forward?

He swallowed, nodding, her words settling in. “I know. I messed up, I said things I shouldn’t have. I hurt you, and that’s the last thing I ever wanted. I need you to know how sorry I am.” The words were rough, but honest. Ony wasn’t trying to dress it up, wasn’t trying to make excuses. He just needed her to hear him, needed her to understand that he was afraid of losing her.

Milana stood there for a moment, her face unreadable, and Ony thought she might just close the door and walk away. But then, she stepped aside, just enough for him to come in. He didn’t move immediately. He stood frozen for a moment, his heart thudding in his chest, at what it meant. However, seeing her standing there, the hurt still clear on her face, he couldn’t hesitate anymore. He stepped inside, slowly and cautiously, giving her a bit of space even though his body was a little crowded in the small entrance.

Ony took one step closer, willing his hands to not tremble as he reached for hers. “Please… don’t shut me out. Let me try to fix this, I don’t want to lose you. Not over something stupid.” She didn’t answer right away, but she didn’t pull her hands back either. For the first time that night, there was a softness in her gaze, just the faintest glimmer of hope that maybe, she wasn’t ready to give up on them.

“I’m so sorry too,” She paused, taking a breath, trying to find the words that could make him understand how apologetic she truly was. “I never wanted to hurt you, just wanted to protect us from everyone. I’m just scared.” He listened intently, brushing her curls away from her face, his fingers lingering on her skin, grounding himself in the softness of her.

“Y’don’t have to be scared, Mama. I’m here.” Milana took a shaky breath, then another, before finally taking a step closer to him. Her hand, trembling slightly, resting it on his chest, over his heart. She met his eyes and nodded, as if she were finally beginning to believe him. Her shoulders softened as if allowing herself to be held by his presence.

Ony’s heart surged in his chest as he reached for her, pulling her into his arms, his hands gentle but firm around her waist. She didn’t resist, didn’t pull away, and as he held her close, her arms wound around his neck, her body finally relaxing into his embrace. In that space, they were closer than they had been in hours. Their breaths, shaky and soft, seemed to synchronize, the silence between them holding more meaning than any words could.

Milana pulled back slightly, her forehead resting gently against Ony’s, her breath warm against his skin. The space between them felt like the whole world had contracted into something small, intimate, and undeniable. Everything else felt inconsequential. The hurt, the words, the distance they’d felt earlier seemed to vanish in the quiet of the moment. It was just the two of them now, and for the first time that night, it felt like things were right again.

His fingers gently cupped her face, thumb tracing the soft curve of her cheek. She leaned into his touch, her eyes fluttering closed, the tenderness of it overwhelming her. The tension that had been coiled so tightly inside her, that heaviness that had weighed on her chest since their argument, slowly began to release. She felt safe here, in his arms, even though they were still picking up the pieces of their love.

As if they both couldn’t stand the distance any longer, Ony leaned in. It was slow at first, like they were both testing the waters, unsure if the kiss could bridge the gap that had formed between them.

Then his lips brushed against hers in a way that made Milana’s heart skip, reassuring her that everything would be okay. It wasn’t a grand, sweeping gesture, but it was everything they needed. It was forgiveness, and love, and the promise that they would always find their way back to each other, no matter how lost they might get.

But soon, the kiss deepened, moving faster at a steady pace, the kind of kiss that said more than words ever could. The kind that had him gripping her tighter, pushing her backwards until her back touched the bathroom counter, holding her still there. Needy pecks starting to smack together feverishly, kissing harder than they ever had. Their hands getting tangled in each other, pulling intently to bring the other closer.

“Wait-” Ony pulled back, wanting to step away, but her hands wouldn’t let him. Her eyes getting misty again as she tried to keep them there, needing him to touch her more desperately than she realized. “We’re going too far, I should...” Milana couldn’t stop pressing kisses all over his jaw, distracting him so much that he was having a hard time stringing together his words.

“Please?” She asked, his eyes widening at the implication. He hadn’t done anything since their first date, keeping his hands as respectful as possible, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. But, now she was giving him the green light he needed to satisfy her in all the ways he wanted to. “T-Touch me, please? I need it-”

He spun her quickly, facing her away from him and towards the mirror instead, his head dropping down into her neck to hide how heated her words made him. Gently, he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind, his hips trying to stay away from pushing into her unless she wanted to feel how hard he was getting. “Need me that bad, Mama?”

Milana gasped softly at the sudden touch but relaxed almost immediately, leaning back into him. Ony rested his chin on her shoulder, pulling her a little closer. The warmth of her body, the softness of her hair, the rhythm of her breathing—all of it felt so right, so natural.

His hands circled around her hips, dropping down to where her carpis covered her belly, his fingers skimming over the jewelry underneath. Ony was eager to get his hands on her again, having to bite his lip to keep from revealing the smile he was sporting, happy to help her feel everything he’s been wanting to give her. “Want me to touch you here?” He made sure to ask again, massaging her reassuringly in case she needed a break.

“Mhm.” She mumbled out, rushed as she wiggled, grinding slightly against him. Their eyes locking through the mirror in a flash, his boring intently into hers, holding her a bit tighter.

“Say it, Mama.” Ony urged, watching amusedly as she huffed impatiently, Her gaze bouncing every which way now, cutely pursing her lips in thought over his request.

“Need you to-to touch me, please?” Milana could barely look at him while trying to string that sentence together, but it came out truthfully nonetheless. He smiled at how shy she was acting, pressing a nice kiss to neck right under her ear, letting her take a few deep breaths before he did anything.

Slowly, a hand slipped down her pants, easily finding its way into her panties to touch her skin, making her jump. She lifted off of her soles, resting on her toes as she braced her hands against the countertop in front of her, shuddering as he went lower. His other hand left from around her middle, lifting higher to wrap around the top of her chest, just under her neck. Pulling her back into his him as he kept his lips to her ear.

“Fuck,” Ony groaned, smooth and heady, making her whine as he stopped for a second, just resting against her. She was warm, and the further he went the more fiery hot he felt. He settled his nerves, wanting to make this moment special for her, the weight on his shoulders resting on the fact that this was her first time doing this. “You’re doing so good, Baby.” His voice easing her as he whispered, his eyes locked on her face through their reflection. “So, so good.”

“Ony~” Milana moaned out as his middle finger dipped, sliding down her slick clit, her legs shaking as he went up then back again, making her cry out at the ticklish feeling creating pulses of pleasure deep within her belly.

“I’m right here,” She was quickly getting wetter right between her legs the more he explored, his finger dropping to massage at her entrance then rubbing the wetness against her swollen bud. He pet at her nicely, rubbing smooth circles into her to get her to relax. Ony’s slender middle finger was long and thick, the pad touch at and prodded at her open hole, beginning to push in all at once to rip it off like a bandaid. “You’re alright, you’ve got it, Ma.”

“Ahh!” He was careful as Milana squealed, squirming in slight pain from the discomfort. Her hands coming up to grip his forearm where it rested around her, closing her eyes tight as he moved around slightly, filling her up until it touched a part of her no one had ever been before. With how wet she was, it was easy to move. His finger curling, moving left, then right, turning to the middle when Ony heard a different moan pour out of her glossy lips, one that had his dick springing to life.

He delved deep, moving at a methodical, leisurely pace, the tip rubbing into her warm, spongey walls, favouring her g-spot especially when it made her gasp and squeak. He pressed against it and he knows he’s found it when Milana’s arching her back, trying to push her hips away to escape the jolts of pleasure. She had nowhere to go though, not with his body pressing right behind her, keeping her planted right where she stood.

“Take a breath, Baby.” Ony’s words commanding enough to break through the haze clouding her mind. Her head dropped down, clenching her teeth together as she tried to breathe like he said, exhaling a long whine as he pushed up harder.

Milana’s legs could barely hold her, his other hand retreating to slide under her arms to hold her up himself. “So gorgeous,” He said as tears formed at the corner of her eyes, involuntary whines filling up the cramped bathroom. The pace fastens, his finger curling with every stroke, her orgasm coming embarrassingly early while he hits her g-spot over and over again. Her pussy gushing as she clenched and unclenched erratically, walls convulsing around him. “So perfect, all for me.”

“Mhm,” She pinched her bottom lip between her teeth as he hit deep strokes and massaged his fingertip into her gummy walls. Her sticky juices all over his hand, his palm coming into contact with her sensitive nub, introducing the added stimulation just as she began falling apart. The touch had Milana gasping, fingers clenching around the sleeve of Ony’s hoodie, one hand gripping his wrist for leverage. “C-Cumming!” Milana gasped out, body trembling from the sensitivity she endured, his eyes watching as he waited for it, wanting to see the look on her face when she came.

“Eyes on me,” He grunts, reaching up and grabbing her face, chubby cheeks squished in between his fingers. Drool dribbles down her chin as she’s moaning louder, forced to stare at him through the mirror. “I’m right here, Baby. Just keep looking at me.” With Ony’s praises and kisses along her face, he throws Milana over the edge, making her cry his name, trying to keep the contact he asked for but finding it near impossible.

Her body felt electric, every muscle tightening at once, clenching down on him to tight that he wondered how he’d even fit at all, snugly nestled deep to keep petting at her soft spot inside. Her hips couldn't stop moving, full out grinding back against the bulge in his jeans, making him groan as he watched the pleasure take over her. Pretty pink nails digging into his arm as she rode it out in waves, wobbling back and forth into his hand, which he took as a silent plea for more.

Ony smirks, finally having Milana at his mercy, his ring finger dropping down to feel around her entrance as well. Adding another finger felt like an impossible task, yet somehow as she released all over his waiting hand, she was able to lube him up enough to glide the tip in next to his longer one. She nearly screamed at the feeling, legs going haywire as he forced her head back, standing at his full height to get leverage over her.

“It’s alright, Mama. Just gotta make sure you feel me.” He growled down at her, their eyes locked together as he pushed the rest of the way in, settling both fingers next to each other. His hand curled itself so deep that it was lifting her off her feet entirely, starting off with a slow stroke to get her acclimated. The sigh from her throat made her breathless, like she could pass out from the sensations overwhelming her body.

“‘S too much,” Milana panted, wiggling her hips away, but to no avail since he doesn’t let her. The rush of mind numbing pleasure made her hands scramble to hold onto him, his low chuckle causing more slick to escape. Tears rolling down again, this time it wasn’t because of their argument, but he was still causing it nonetheless.

“You’ve got it.” Ony’s words of encouragement were the only option she could take at this point. The whole room filling with the squelching sound of his fingers working her inside out. His arm arches, and his muscles flex under his top as he goes at it with more intensity, her mouth not able to shut up as he drove her closer and closer all over again.

“Wa-Wait!” She rushed out, whining in a strained voice as she clenched her teeth, bracing herself through the slight pain of overstimulation. Her belly winding so tight, so fast again that she could tell this one was going to wreck her. Milana tried to pull his upper arm away from her face, shaking her head as her other hand tried to pry his wrist from her pants.

“That’s a good girl. Let go for me, Baby. Shhh, that’s it, just cum. Want you to soak my whole fucking hand.” Ony felt how her pussy contracted and squeezed like crazy around his middle and ring fingers, wetting him so badly that it was showing through the cotton of her capris. He felt like he could bust in his boxers right where he stood, watching in awe as her knees tried to close around his hand to stop the inevitable, speeding up just to see how much more she could take.

“ONY!” The scream Milana let out was perfect, eyes rolling back so far that all he could see were the whites, mouth open as she locked into a deep arch, his fingers stopping their pumping to instead stroke her inside, churning her body into nothing but mush. He’s pushing his fingers up deeper, feeling around in slow motions, savoring her tight grip and the warm home she provided for them. She shuddered in his arms, sighing out in relief that she came, whole body spasming as her toes curled.

“Still with me, Mama?” Ony asked gently, pressing another kiss to her face, her chest heaving as she tried to calm down. Her heart felt like it could beat out of her chest, and her breathing was all over the place trying to regain all of her hearing back through the high pitch ringing in her ears.

“Mhm…” Milana mumbled, noticing the grip on her face was much looser, helping her head to stay up now. She looked up at him, feeling lovey-dovey because of his sweet tone, and how good she felt. He smiled down at her, withdrawing his fingers with a sloppy squelching little pop noise, and her hole missed him immediately, the feeling his fingers left behind still affecting her.

They quickly went up to Ony’s lips, watching in astonishment as he opened to push them into his mouth, groaning in delight at the taste. His eyes mischievous, catching the way her legs clenched together before shaking again, all her weight slumped into him as he held her up. If he wasn’t the one keeping her stable right now, she would’ve covered her face, scolding him in embarrassment.

“Gotta clean you up, Mama. Get you ready for school tomorrow.” He reminded her soothingly, pulling his fingers from his mouth, looking down at her as he leaned down to kiss her lips. She moaned again, trying to get closer but fumbling slightly, still trying to get her bearings. Their lips moving together so passionately that Ony thought about giving her one more just to really drive it home for her. But, they have a lot to do to prepare her for tomorrow, and that included cleaning up the mess he left behind.

Together, they took a second to bask in the moment they shared, turning his head slightly to let his cheek brush the top of Milana’s hair. His fingers gently let go of her cheeks to wrap around her again, tracing the curve down her torso to her hip, feeling the warmth of her skin, the delicate rise and fall of her breathing. He didn't rush it. There was no need to fill the space with noise, because in it, everything that had been said and unsaid already existed.

Without breaking the silence, Ony reached up and gently tucked her curls behind her ear. Milana’s smile was small but full of warmth. She didn’t need to say it. He already knew. And in that knowing, in the silent understanding they shared, everything felt right. It was a love unspoken but felt in every glance, every touch, every quiet moment. It was a love that could weather the hardest storms, not because it was flawless, but because it was real. And tonight, it was enough.

15.4k words???😵‍💫 Chat, what’s going on rn??? This was supposed to be like 7-8k words at most! Wtf? Oh well, I guess I’ll just have to top it next chapter. 😏 Hope everyone enjoys this craziness and I can’t wait for you to read the next one! xoxo - Bow 🎀

Taglist:

@kxllanxtdoor

@rintcrous

@blackgirlmagicforever

@hidd3nbimbo

@jungkooksleftballsack

@neighbourscat

@chosokamos

221 notes · View notes

writerfromshikahr · 2 months ago

Text

--------------------------------------------------------

A Frustrating Service - Lucanis X Rook Fanfic

--------------------------------------------------------

"Can we sit?" Rook gestured to the large couch in the centre of her room, which doubled as her bed. She quickly rearranged the blankets, tidying them to make room for the two of them.

Lucanis nodded, following her to the couch. He perched at one end, his posture rigid, while she settled at the other.

The silence between them stretched thin until Rook finally spoke, her voice hesitant. "I’m not sure how to bring this up....."

“It’s about what happened in the pantry the other day, isn’t it?” he interrupted her, but his tone was calm but unreadable.

Rook glanced at him, her shoulders relaxing slightly in relief that he had brought it up first. "Yes," she admitted softly, holding his gaze.

Lucanis sighed, the sound heavy with something she couldn’t quite place. "It shouldn’t have happened," he said flatly. "I shouldn’t have let it happen."

Her heart sank. She felt the weight of his words like a blow. Here she was, believing they’d shared a connection—something meaningful—and once again, she had gotten it all wrong. "Oh," she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. She forced herself to look away, adding more firmly, "Well, that clears things up. I guess you can leave."

Lucanis shifted uncomfortably, his jaw tightening as if trying to hold something back. "No, Rook, that’s not what I...ugh, fuck," he muttered, dragging a hand down his face. His frustration was palpable.

"No, it’s fine. All good." She waved a hand dismissively, though her voice wavered. "Honestly, I’m okay with this. It makes things easier, I think." Her eyes dropped to the floor, trying to mask the sting of rejection.

"Rook," he said, his voice low and full of warmth, the same tone that had always calmed her in the past. Right now, though, she wanted to slap it out of him.

"Lucanis," she met his gaze with sharp defiance. "I’m a grown woman. I can handle rejection."

"Can you let me speak?" he asked, his voice steady but tinged with irritation.

She nodded silently, her lips pressing into a thin line as she waited.

"What I meant to say… what I need to explain," Lucanis began, his hand gesturing between them as if trying to grasp the right words, "there’s something here, but right now, I can’t. I want to explore whatever this is..." He exhaled sharply, his shoulders tense. "My head’s a mess, Rook. My life, Spite, the last year of being imprisoned...it’s all a fucking disaster...I'm a disaster." He glanced away briefly, gathering his thoughts. "Whatever this is, it deserves care. It needs more than I can give right now. I don’t want to start something important when there’s so much unfinished."

Rook turned toward the window, her gaze following the fish darting and swirling beyond the glass. Her fingers tightened around the blanket before she spoke. "You’re asking for time," she said quietly, though there was no edge to her tone.

"If you’ll give it to me," he replied.

She hesitated, then let out a soft breath. A small, tentative smile curved her lips. "I think I can do that."

Relief washed over his face, softening his sharp features as he offered her a faint smile. "Thank you," he said, his voice thick with gratitude.

"I thought I had imagined it," she admitted. "I thought I got it all wrong."

"You didn’t," Lucanis replied firmly, his tone steady and reassuring. He paused, running a hand through his hair, his gaze thoughtful. "I'm not good at this kind of thing. I usually leave matters of the heart to Illario. I've never had a relationship; I don’t do those." His voice softened as his dark eyes met hers again. "But this...it matters. It’s important. I want to do it right. You deserve nothing less."

Rook’s smile grew, just enough to show she believed him. "For what it’s worth," she said after a beat, glancing at him with a glimmer of her usual humour, "it was the best almost-kiss I’ve had in a long time."

Lucanis huffed a soft laugh, shaking his head as a rare, fleeting smile crossed his face. "A frustrating service I'm skilled at providing."

The quiet returned between them, stretching but not uncomfortable. Lucanis leaned back slightly, his gaze dropping to the floor for a moment before flicking back to hers.

"I should go," he said softly, though there was no edge to the words, just the same careful restraint he always carried.

Rook nodded, though something in her chest tightened. "Right. You’ve got daggers to sharpen, people to dispatch."

"Always." His voice was light, but his eyes lingered on her for a second longer than usual. He stood, making his way to the door.

As his hand reached the doorknob, he paused.

"Rook," he said, his voice low but sure, "you didn’t get this wrong. I don’t want you to think that."

Her breath caught, and for a moment, she wasn’t sure what to say.

Lucanis offered the barest hint of a smile. "If I ever walk away, it won’t be because I don’t want to be here."

And with that, he left, the door closing quietly behind him.

She sat on the couch, her hands twisting the edge of the blanket as she replayed his words in her head. The ache in her chest remained, but it wasn’t sharp anymore. Instead, it felt softer...like the quiet promise he’d left behind.

#lucanis dellamorte #rook #lucanis x rook #rookanis #rookanisfanfic #dragon age the veilguard #rook de riva #fem rook #crow rook #lets address that damn almost kiss shall we #fluff and stuff #gentleness for these sweet people

231 notes · View notes

jjscrybaby · 2 months ago

Note

Reader x Rafe smut/angst request. They have sex for the first time (and only she’s a virgin) Because Rafe is just really attracted to her and tension has built up for so long, he barley lasts and it’s over before it even starts, literally less then 2 min lol. The dynamic between them turns stiff and awkward, mainly because Rafe feels so embarrassed that he ruined her first time and couldn’t last, so he is distant with her and avoids her (cus he doesn’t know how to deal with the shame) BUT then……….he makes it so FREAKIN SPECIAL, ROMANTIC, I’M TALKING, HE GOES ALL OUT with candles etc.

rafe cameron x fem!reader | (implied smut) angst to fluff | (not full on smut because these are meant to be drabbles and this was getting a bit long, but still suggestive. virgin!reader.)

︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶ ୨♡୧ ︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶

Your legs wrapped around his hips, face scrunched up in pain as he thrusted back and forth. All you could hear was the heavy breathing in your ear and the soft moans leaving your own lips.

“Fuck, baby,” Rafe groaned, hands tightening around your thighs where he was holding you up.

“Shit— it hurts, Rafe,” you whined, the sting too much for you to deal with.

He slowed his thrusts, pressing sweaty kisses to your cheek. “Give it a minute, sweetheart. Trust me, jus’ give it a minute.”

The problem was, you didn’t get the chance to give it a minute because the next thing you knew he was grunting in your ear and collapsing ontop of you. You felt him freeze above you, his entire body tensing up as he tried to catch his breath. Then you felt it, the stickiness of his cum dripping down your thighs.

“Did you…” you trailed off as he sat up, running a hand through his hair as he refused to look in your eyes.

“Um… shit, let me grab you a towel,” he muttered, leaving the room; leaving you high and dry.

You stared after him, mouth parted in shock. You looked down, finding a mixture of cum and blood beneath you. You’d never had sex before, but that didn’t mean you didn’t know anything about it. You’d watched porn. You knew that usually boys didn’t finish that quickly, and the girl normally got to enjoy it as well. You weren’t annoyed that he’d finished quickly, your friends had told you stories about their boyfriends doing the same thing, you were put off by how quickly he’d left the room; not even offering to get you off as well.

He came back, not even looking at you as he tossed a towel in your direction and pulled his clothes back on. You laid naked on his bed, in complete shock as you slowly started to clean yourself up. He looked over at you, and for a second you thought he was going to at least take the towel and clean you up himself. That’s not what happened.

“Uh, I told Top that I’d meet him at the club, so…” he muttered, rubbing his neck. You just blinked. There was no way he was kicking you out right now. “You drove here, right?”

“Yeah,” you replied, finally finding your voice. “I can stay here, wait for you to come back—”

“Nah. I’ll probably be gone awhile. I’ll just call you tomorrow,” he cut you off, making your stomach ache with nausea. Nausea and hurt.

“Okay,” you agreed softly, sitting up to reach for your clothes that he’d thrown across the room only minutes prior.

He walked you to the door, kissed your cheek goodbye and slammed the door behind you. With tears in your eyes, you waddled to your car and drove home; trying not to think about the hell you just endured.

︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶ ୨♡୧ ︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶

Two days went by without you even hearing from Rafe. You felt like complete and utter shit. You’d given him your virginity, something you actually cared about, and he hadn’t been able to even send you a text. You decided enough was enough, you showed up at his house with a sad scowl on your face.

“Uh, hey,” he greeted as you stormed into his bedroom after Rose had let you in. “Didn’t know you were comin’ over.”

“Well, my own boyfriend isn’t even talking to me so I figured I’d have to talk to him,” you stated bluntly, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He stood the second you’d sat, as if you were some sort of germ.

“I’ve been busy,” he shrugged.

“No, you haven’t. Would you just be honest? You don’t want to see me because of… the other day,” you argued, voice softening.

His face scrunched up, irritation in his eyes at the fact you’d even brought that up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Seriously? You’re gonna play dumb?” You scoffed, looking up at him.

“Nothin’ to play dumb about. I don’t know what you’re going on about,” he retaliated.

You stood up, shaking your head in disappointment. “You know, I couldn’t care less that you finished too early. I care that it was my first time and you couldn’t even clean me up after, couldn’t even look me in the eyes! You made me feel like shit, Rafe.”

A look of understanding finally crossed his face, but you were too upset to notice. Instead, you walked right past him and back out the door. “Babe!” He called after you, but you kept going. You didn’t want to hear his half-asses excuses anymore.

︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶ ୨♡୧ ︶︶︶ ⊹ ︶︶

His text was cryptic. Come over, please. Need to talk. For a moment you’d thought of ignoring him, pretending you didn’t see it and going on with your night. But, deep down, whether you liked it or not, you were utterly in love with him; and you’d just about anything he asked of you.

So, you drove over to Tannyhill. You walked up to the door and knocked, clad in just your pyjamas since you were in bed when he texted. The door swung open and Rafe stood there, a pair of grey sweats on and a soft smile.

“Hi, beautiful,” he greeted softly, moving out of the way to let you in.

“Hi,” you murmured. The door closed behind you and you turned to look at him, hands on your hips. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Come upstairs, please,” he begged. You gave him a look, narrowed eyes and a frown. “Please.”

“Fine,” you huffed.

He smiled triumphantly, taking your head and leading you up the spiral staircase. You walked down the hallway and over to his closed bedroom door. He was fidgeting, and as you went to open it he grabbed your hand to stop you.

“Before you go in, I want to say sorry,” he interrupted. “I was a dick. I was embarrassed, ‘bout what happened, and I acted out. But I hate that I did that, especially since it was your first time. I just… I felt like I ruined it for you, wanted it to be good and then I just fuckin’… well, you know what happened.”

“It’s okay,” you reassured quietly. “Just wanted you to talk to me, that’s all.”

“I know. I know, baby. I’m really sorry. D’you think you can forgive me?” He asked, hand coming up to cup your cheek.

You couldn’t help but smile up at him, rolling your eyes fondly. “I suppose.”

“Thank God, ‘cause this would’ve been real awkward if you didn’t,” he chuckled.

“What would’ve?”

He gave you a tiny smirk, bringing his hand back down from your cheek to open his bedroom door. You looked past him, eyes widening in shock at the sight in front of you. His bedsheets were covered in rose petals, red and pink, there were candles surrounding the room; a fire hazard, but one you could get behind.

“Think we could have a re-do?” He murmured, arms wrapping around your waist from behind. He pressed a gentle kiss to the side of your neck, and then to your cheek, until you spun around and his lips latched onto yours.

He kissed you gently, lovingly, not the same way he had last time you tried this. He tapped your hip, indicating for you to jump up. You hesitated, letting out a nervous giggle against his lips; he wasn’t having that, he grabbed under your thighs and pulled you up into his arms. Your thighs wrapped around his waist, not breaking the kiss as his hands roamed any bit of skin he could reach.

Rafe laid you above the rose petals, breaking the kiss to look down at you with a soft smile. He ran his fingers up your thigh, reaching your pyjama shorts. “Can I?”

“Can do whatever you want,” you murmured shyly. You’d been nervous last time, but it had all been so intense that you hadn’t had time to think about it. This time, he’s looking at you like you hung the moon and the stars.

“Is that right?” He smirked, easing your shorts down your legs until they were at your ankles. “Open up, baby.” Your legs parted, giving him a view he’d failed to take in before. He let out a hum, leaning in to kiss up your inner thighs.

“Shit, Rafe,” you murmured, eyes closing as his nose rubbed against your clit through your panties.

“This is allll about you, baby. Anythin’ you want, you get. Just lay back and relax, gonna be a long night,” he drawled, kissing your clit; your hips bucked up against his face and he let out a teasing chuckle. “Just want to feel special, huh? Well, I can promise you’re gonna feel like a damn princess once I’m done with you.”

#rafe cameron #outer banks #rafe smut #rafe x reader #rafe fanfiction

251 notes · View notes

nayeoniiz · 1 month ago

Text

I’m So Sick of Me Too

pairings ❥ jay x fem!reader (ft. eric from the boyz)

point of view ❥ third person, omniscient

warnings ❥ N/A

synopsis ❥ after what felt like a sudden breakup with her boyfriend of many years, y/n finds herself holding onto the remaining pieces chipping from a failed relationship. after wallowing in an isolated self pity, her two best friends convince her to go to a party where she meets the perfect boy to fill the void. unsure if her attraction is genuine or a distraction, y/n has one choice to makeㅡ be with her newfound lover or make it work with her first love.

genre ❥ angst, smut

word count ❥ 15,515

taglist: open, just ask!

author’s note: sorry i’m posting this a little later than i had hoped, i just wanted it to be absolutely perfect. ignore any errors, please and thank you. let me know how yall like it! and feel free to leave any future scene suggestions. the plot is set, but the story is an open book.

SERIES MASTERLIST | NEXT | ENHYPEN MASTERLIST

ONE.

“babe,” y/n’s voice pulled jay out of his thoughts. he turned his head to look at her, her expression filled with expectancy—the kind that made his chest tighten. he already knew where this was headed. another argument. “you good?” her question was simple, but jay knew any response could open the floodgates.

it was one of his only days off after a long, grueling week. he was utterly drained. all he wanted was a moment of peace. the energy to engage, to explain, wasn’t there. “yeah,” he muttered, giving her a small nod before turning back to the tv. propping his feet on the coffee table, he stared blankly at the screen, hoping she’d let it go. but the silence only seemed to amplify the tension between them.

y/n shifted in her seat, clearly unsatisfied. “okay…” she replied, her tone trailing off before she reached for the remote and paused the show. the sudden silence made him tense. “then why are you so quiet today?” she pressed, her voice carrying an edge.

jay’s fingers tapped idly against his phone. he exhaled slowly. “i just don’t feel like talking right now,” he said, his voice firm but measured. he hoped that would be enough, but he knew she’d likely not take the hint and let him be. “and i’m not trying to argue either.”

y/n’s eyes narrowed slightly at his last sentence, a feeling of defensiveness rising within her. “okay, well, you haven’t said anything in the past hour. you can save the attitude—i was just checking on you.”

his jaw tightened. “i don’t have an attitude, y/n,” jay said, his tone now laced with frustration. he set his phone down on the armrest, resisting the urge to rub his temples. his shoulders stiffened as he tried to focus on keeping his cool, though irritation bubbled under the surface.

y/n crossed her arms, her voice raising with aim. “and i’m supposed to know that how? show me, don’t tell me.” she tilted her head, raising an eyebrow in challenge, her expression poking at the remaining fragments of his patience.

he turned his head toward her, his gaze heavy. “can you not right now?” the plea in his voice wasn’t subtle and his request didn’t fall deaf on her ears. a flip switched inside of her. her angry facade seemed to quickly chip away, and her true emotion seeped through.

“not what? i’m just trying to spend time with my boyfriend,” she shot back, her voice cracking with the weight of unspoken hurt. “the boyfriend i haven’t seen in forever, mind you, because he’s been working all week.”

by now her voice was soft, trembling. each breath she took was weighted in fear of misinterpretation. “and i’m so sorry if it’s selfish of me, but if there’s any day you feel like ‘not talking,’ why does it have to be the one day we actually get to be together?” she averted his gaze, fidgeting with the buttons on the remote, a quiet plea for understanding.

the words hit him, leaving his breath caught in his throat for a moment. he opened his mouth, searching for any way to defend himself, but nothing felt right. “me not talking doesn’t have anything to do with you,” he finally said, leaning back to lay more on the couch. his voice was tight as he moved his gaze to look past her, crossing one leg over his lap, and tapping his foot on the floor with the other.

y/n let out a bitter laugh. “yeah? well, guess who’s the only one being affected by it?!” the volume of her voice caught both of them off guard. shit. she swore she didn’t mean to yell. before she was able to react, to apologize, or at least explainㅡ jay had already straightened himself up, shooting her a warning gaze.

“stop it, y/n.” his voice rose slightly this time, betraying his simmering frustration. her shoulders slugged, her face turning with every muscle trying to hold back the tears brimming. it only heightened their presence as she began blinking them away.

“i just want to talk,” she said, her voice cracking under the weight of her emotions as they spilled over, unable to bear the sting of his distant demeanor any longer. “am i really that uninteresting that my own boyfriend doesn’t even want to have a conversation with me?”

the air between them grew thick with unspoken words. the silence stretched long enough for both of their thoughts to race. for jay, it was a desperate search for the right words, something that could fix this—or at least end it. for y/n, it was a growing ache in her chest, a sense that something irreversible was about to happen. she began rubbing her arm softly in a back and forth motion, anticipating.

when jay finally spoke, his voice was steady, deliberate. “i want to break up.” the words hung in the air. she found herself remaining silent as she looked at him, unsure of what to do. while this wasn't exactly something new for them, there was something different about the look in his eyes this time around. their eyes stayed fixed on each other, a distant gaze in place of connection. his words echoed loudly in her ears.

her lips parted slightly, but no sound came out. she blinked, her mind racing to catch up. surely, this wasn’t real. surely, he didn’t mean it. her body stilled as she unconsciously dug her fingernails into her arm amidst the comforting massage. her eyes glazed over with tears, squinting in confusion, her heart racing as jay moved to sit closer to her. “what?” was all she could manage to get out, her voice barely above a whisper.

jay didn’t look away this time. his gaze was heavy, tired, but unwavering. “i mean it,” he said, quieter now, but no less certain. looking down, a sigh left his lips. he fought for a moment with her frozen grip before he was able to pry her arm off, stopping her from causing any further harm to herself. and now, all she could think about was how the feeling of his skin on hers hurt so much more. he was looking at her now, but the contact lasted no longer than a second before he turned away. “and i- i thought about it a lot. it’s what’s best for us. i just don’t think we’re good for each other anymore.”

“how can you say that, jay?” her voice cracked as she blinked, tears finally escaping along with a small sob that hardly went unnoticed in the now painfully silent room. she maneuvered, her eyes searching for something in his. he looked at her again with a look she’d never seen before. it scared her. “no. we’re not the kind of couple who breaks up. that’s not how this works, you said that yourself.” indignation clear in her voice, it was hard for her to hold back the resentment she was already starting to feel.

jay only sighed, regretful of his open and now outdated mindset. if he had known their relationship would turn out the way it did, he would have just stayed quiet. in the past she was successful in avoiding his serious attempts, several times, with that reasoning. it was always the most convincing point to get him to stay, she knew he hated not staying true to his word. he hesitated, his cautious gaze meeting hers before he continued. “i'm not happy.”

she had never heard those words before, and their weight hit her hard, leaving her stunned. this couldn’t be real. panic flared in her chest as she grasped for something, anything, to turn the conversation around. “i think this is just one of your moods—” she started, her voice trembling, a fragile attempt to mend what was breaking before he interjected.

“no, y/n. i mean it this time. i can’t do this anymore.”

reading the room became difficult, the usually familiar scene felt foreign now. she didn’t recognize any of the territory that was being invadedㅡ she didn’t know what to do. shaking her head, she offers a small, corner lifted smile. “but we always get through it, jay.“

“it’s different this time, y/n.”

“and why is it different now?” her voice wavered, caught between desperation, anger, and disbelief. her emotions swirled like a storm. staying composed felt impossible; every attempt to ground herself only deepened the ache in her chest. everything was hurting, and all she could do was wish, futilely, that none of this was real.

“this," jay said, physically motioning to the state of the conversation. he turned away to wipe away the stray tears that managed to fall in between blinks. “nothing ever changes. all we do is argue.”

“all couples argue, jay. that’s the reality of things,” she said, the calm in her tone an abrupt contrast to her previous attitudes. “relationships take work, jay. and we always make it work,” her eyes darted to his, desperately looking for any newfound doubt in his words. but there wasn’t any.

“it's not.. just about that," jay said, shaking his head, his voice barely above a whisper now shameful of what he was fixing to admit. “i've tried so hard to make it work, but i'm unhappy, y/n. and i hate that i feel this way, but sometimes it feels like i hate you as much as i love you. do you even know how much that tears me up inside?" his face was repentant at his admission, it was a sinful hidden thought that he previously denied since its first conception. he never wanted to verbalize it because it only highlighted how shitty he truly was to feel that way toward her.

"you don’t mean that." y/n shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut as if the gesture could block out the anguish his words just caused. her body went cold, her senses wasting no time overwhelming her all at once. jay bit the inside of his lip, his teeth silently clattering against the soft tissue.

everything in his heart ached, a deep, unrelenting pain that seemed to grow with every second. he was caught in conflict—the desperate desire to follow through with the breakup, to free himself from the heaviness that had been suffocating him, clashing with the torment of knowing how deeply his choice would hurt her. it wasn’t just her pain he feared; it was his own, the thought of watching her break because of him. but he had to do what was right.

"i wish i didnt, but it's the truth, y/n. i can't be who i want to be in this relationship. i can't keep living like this."

"jay…" his silence now weighed more than any words could, it tore through her like a jagged blade. "is this really what you want?" for a moment, his eyes softened, but it was gone before she could catch it. the silence stretched, heavy with all the words he couldn't say. she wanted to cling onto the fleeting feeling, to believe it meant he was having doubts. but when his lips parted, it wasn't the response she was hoping for.

"it's for the best."

“no, no, no, no,” the finality of his words shattered what was left of her hope. the barrier of control she had on her emotions ruptured as she shook her head. she hesitantly reached her hand out, pulling it away quickly to avoid any more possible rejection from the boy. her heart couldn’t endure much more. "please.. don't do this."

"i'm sorry, y/n," he slowly approached her, wrapping his arms around her. she let him pull her into a hug, holding him close and tight as she allowed all of her anger and grief to wash away along with the salty tears staining her cheeks. though allowing his embrace would only further affirm her acceptance of the end, which is the last thing she wanted, she needed to feel his touch. especially knowing this may be the last time he'll ever hold her.

her chest tightened as she buried her face in his chest, clinging to his steady heartbeat, a cruel contrast to her own. neither of them spoke or moved for a while. a couple minutes in, she noticed that he was now trembling against her. it broke her heart even more. from the way he seemed to hold her just as close for comfort, she knew it was hurting him too. she supposed, maybe, it was for the best. she pulled away slightly, quickly regretting it as she saw how his eyes were red and glistened over, cheeks wet with the silent tears he shed. "can we at least be friends?" the words felt hollow, a desperate attempt to keep him in her life, even though she knew it would never be enough.

he only nods though he knows she didn't truly want that for herself. placing his hold on her arms, gently before slowly removing himself from her embrace. he wiped away his tears and cleared his throat. the only thing on his mind now was getting out of there before he could go back on his word. he had to remind himself that this was the right thing to do. even if it meant hurting them both. clearing his throat he spoke up, regaining his composure to be the voice of reason they needed in the moment. "i guess i should head out now. i think we both need time to ourselves.”

"yeah.."

he took the time to quickly head to the door without waiting to see her reaction. his hands were shaking, the weight of the world only seemed to press down upon his shoulders, only now wishing he could've pushed through and tried to make things work one last time. but he knew that wasn't possible, and it just wasn't worth putting her through any more than he already had. the door clicked shut behind him, leaving an echo of silence in his absence.

the month after the breakup felt like a blur for y/n. while the world around her seemed to move forward, she remained stuck in a loop of missing jay, reaching out to him, waiting for his replies, and doing everything in her power to keep their connection alive despite the fact that he was clearly starting to pull away.

she couldn’t help it. every morning she found herself wanting to talk to him, by any means. today was no different as she looked at her thumb hovering over his contact. it had become almost instinctual, reaching out to him no matter how embarrassing it was starting to become. she took a deep breath, ignoring her reluctant thoughts and started typing.

heyy jay :) haven’t heard from you in a minute. everything okay?

she sent it before she could second guess herself, staring at the screen as the message went through. her heart raced as she waited for his response. then, the minutes passed, stretching into what felt like hours. she spent a while scrolling aimlessly through her notifications, trying hard to look for the one label that refused to appear. two hours had gone by, and still nothing.

she clicked the power button with a sigh, pulling her legs closer to her chest as she rested her chin on her knees, staring blankly at the phone. the silence of her lonely apartment felt so loud now. the lack of response made the small ache in her chest turn into a deeper, more persistent pain. she hated feeling this way, vulnerable, needy, desperate. it wasn’t like her.

she remained frozen in her spot on the bed, feeling like she couldn’t move until she got what she wanted. juggling through every scenario in her head, she almost began sinking into the self loathing feeling. but one look at the clock on her lock screen seemed to pull her out a little bit. she reminded herself that being pessimistic was the last thing she needed to do. instead, she should speak her desire into existence. “calm down, y/n,” she whispered to herself. “it’s still early. he’ll reply later, he always does.”

getting out of bed, she stretched a bit before making her way into the kitchen. at least, this time around, she could still make the most of her day. she was lucky in that sense; it was getting easier to distract herself from thoughts of him. before she realized it, hours had gone by and she was sitting in her living room watching tv when her phone finally pinged.

muting the sound of the show, she quickly glanced down, her heart nearly pouncing out of her chest. jay’s name. her fingers hovered above the screen, the moment she read his texts, that feeling of dread that she’d been holding back all day crashed over her. it felt like he’d handed her a piece of paper instead of a message from someone she’d spent every waking moment with for years. it was brief and impersonal, so unlike jay, yet so familiar as of late.

hey, yeah. things are good, just tired

she stared blankly at the message for a while, continuously rereading, mouthing the words in every tone she could, trying to read in between the few lines he offered her, but it was impossible to make something out of nothing. and it felt like he was doing the bare minimum, acknowledging her existence by replying as if it was an obligation he had to fulfill. she figured that her reply could spark a more active response.

i feel you. guess it’s been rough for both of us, huh. i hope you’ve been good otherwise. it’s getting colder these days, hope you’re staying warm ☺️

she waited in the chat upon seeing that he immediately opened her text, watching the three dots bubble up on her screen, only to vanish soon after. she stared at the notification as it remained unanswered for a while. “read at 2:23pm.” twenty minutes had gone by and she was unsure of what to say next or if she should say anything at all.

despite her first failed attempt, y/n decided to brush it off and push forward. biting her lip, she took her time drafting and perfecting her next message. whatever she was going to say next had to warrant a response. if he saw how bad she wanted to talk, surely he’d give in. jay was never the kind of guy to intentionally neglect her feelings. it wasn’t in his character to hurt her.

so, what’s been keeping you busy lately?

she typed, trying to sound casual, but her confidence faltered when she read it over. it was the kind of text she would’ve sent months ago, back when their relationship was solid and they could talk for hours without feeling the need for a pause.

this time, her message read “delivered”. but she watched as the three dotted bubble appeared again, and decided to leave the app while she continued waiting. this time, he would respond differently, she thought, he had to. holding on to a glimmer of hope, she gave it thirty minutes. but her phone only went quiet. what a waste.

opening instagram, she opted to scroll to distract herself from thinking of him further and that’s when she saw it. jay’s story. it wasn’t anything remarkable, just a picture of him out with some of their mutual friends. but the fact that he was posting on his story, without replying to her text, stung. she scoffed in an attempt to brush off the hurt she was beginning to feel, telling herself it was no big deal. it didn’t help much. no matter how she tried to view it, it was a silent reminder that his focus was elsewhere now.

but, maybe it was nothing. maybe he just didn’t feel like texting. she tried once again to reason, but the thought still lingered, gnawing at her. why couldn’t he just reply? it was evident now that jay just wasn’t going to reach out on his own; he wasn't going to do anything. she’d have to be the one to make the effort, while holding onto the hope of things going back to how they were. maybe she was being too much, doing too much. “if i leave him alone for a few days, he’ll feel it, too.”

it had been days now and the reality of the situation was truly starting to sink in. over the span of the weeks they’d agreed to be friends, jay’s attempts to deny more interactions had finally come to an end. they were flat out doing no contact now. she tried deactivating her social media accounts in an effort to stop hurting herself further by looking at his page, but all it led to was viewing anonymously online. she wasn’t talking to anybody at that point, burying herself deeper into isolation as she began ignoring even her own best friends. but, it wasn’t something the girls were taking lightly.

she was laid out on the couch, the living room becoming a pigsty she found refuge in. empty bags of chips, noodle packages, discarded water bottles, candy wrappers, as well as tear soaked tissues flooded the table and floors. she lay sprawled out on the couch watching a romance k-drama, feeling envious of the love that the main character was receiving though she was barely paying attention. she was moreso staring through the screen rather than at it, not bothering to retain much of the plot, just trying to fill the void in any way she could.

she barely flinched upon her doorbell ringing. in fact, she didn’t even hear it. pulling her blanket more over her body, she closed her eyes, not opening them until she heard the beeping noises her door only made when the passcode was being typed in. she shot up in a panic. only three people knew of her codeㅡ one of them being jay, and she could not risk him seeing her living in such an unkempt manner. making quick of her movements, she grabbed an armful of the trash and ran to the kitchen to toss it out. she stayed in the kitchen grabbing a trash bag as she heard the door open and shut, followed by light footsteps. a familiar voice called out.

“y/n, are you home?”

“yujin?” two girls, yujin and chaewon, walked into the living room grimacing at the state it was in. a small hint of rotting processed food was pungent in the air, to which the girls slightly scrunch their noses at. y/n couldn’t hide her disappointment as she walked into the room, the trash bag rustling with each step. “chae? what are you guys doing here?”

chaewon immediately recognized the girl’s expression and playfully rolled her eyes in an attempt to lighten the mood. “wow, we’re so happy to see you too, y/n.” her words make y/n mentally facepalm at the rudeness she’d unknowingly displayed, frowning as she walked closer to them. without a word, the girls begin picking up the trash, discarding them into the bag y/n held. yujin wasted no time wondering off to get cleaning supplies, coming back to wipe the table. it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence they sat in while they cleaned, but it was clear that something definitely needed to be confronted now.

“sorry guys. i was just expecting someone… you know, else.”

“like who? he who shall not be named?” yujin asked, referencing jay, but it only made y/n grimace. the girl had struck a nerve. the statement only made her think of him more. it wasn’t yujin’s fault, though. none of her friends even knew they weren’t on speaking terms anymore. a knot formed in y/n’s stomach having to silently acknowledge how silly her initial thoughts were. jay had made zero effort to even talk to her, what sense would it make for him to visit?

“i don’t know.” but she did, and so did they. that’s why they were here to begin with. after the mess was all cleaned up, and you could finally see the beauty that was y/n’s living room again, they guided y/n to sit on the couch. chaewon was perched on the arm of it while yujin sat cross-legged on the floor, both watching y/n like she was an emotional bomb ready to explode at any given moment. the tension in the room felt like a third guest.

chaewon, the usual mediator, broke the silence first. treading lightly on upfront confrontation, she decided to stick with a lighthearted approach to the situation. what y/n needed was a friend, not a therapist. “okay, spill. when’s the last time you left this place?”

y/n’s silence spoke volumes as she sighed, hugging a throw pillow to her chest. “i don’t know. a while?” it wasn’t like she wasn’t keeping track, she could tell you it's been 33 days since she last saw jay, 11 days since he stopped viewing her story, and 9 days since his last text to her. how long she had been in her isolation, though? she couldn’t say, all the days seemed to blur in that category.

yujin raised an eyebrow. “define ‘a while.’ days? weeks… a month?”

now, y/n’s voice was barely above a whisper. “two weeks, maybe.”

“two weeks?!” chaewon groaned, grabbing the throw pillow and swatting y/n with it, adding a bit of force in an attempt to knock some sense into the girl. she supposed she underestimated how much it was affecting y/n. though she was upset at the girl’s response to her breakup, she felt worse that she didn’t think to step in sooner. “babe, no wonder. you’re practically fermenting in here. i don’t hate to say this, but it’s time for divine intervention.”

y/n sucked in a breath, but didn’t argue. instead, she stared at the freshly cleaned coffee table, her thoughts wandering back to jay. the way he used to rest his feet there, watching tv, the way he—

yujin snapped her fingers in front of y/n’s face. “nope. i can see it in your eyes— we’re not doing that today. chae, tell her the plan.”

“ah, right! the plan,” chaewon said, leaning in with a grin and wiggling her eyebrows, “is simple: you’re coming with us to a party tonight. and before you even start, you’re not busy, you’re not tired. none of that. i don’t want to hear any excuses.”

y/n’s face scrunched as she blinked. “a party? seriously? what are we? teenagers?”

“yes, seriously,” yujin said, standing up and grabbing y/n’s hands to pull her to her feet, the girl not fighting back as she stood. “you’re never too old to party. and, girl… you need this. sitting in here is only hurting you, and you know it.”

“but—”

“yes, butts! that’s exactly what i expect you to be shaking tonight,” chaewon interjected. “yujin and i already have the vision. you’ll pop out in a bomb ass outfit, we’ll pregame to set the mood, you know just get the vibes up. it's gonna be fun!” her eyes twinkled as she envisioned the whole scene. she waved her hand, slowly moving it in front of her face as if the girls could see what she was imagining. “you’ll drink a little, dance a little, smoke if you’re feeling good, and maybe even forget about… him.”

the slight, bitter acknowledgment of the boy left y/n feeling a lump form in her throat, she tried to shake off the thought of jay from creeping up again. but it was hard to stop once she already started, and everything in her heart was telling her no. a party was the last thing she needed. she could barely hide her hurt from her own friends, how could they expect her to pull through for hours at a party?

“i just don’t think i’m ready.”

“is that not the point?” yujin said gently, softly caressing y/n’s face with a sympathetic pout. the girl could only look away, feeling as though her eyes would be a dead giveaway to the truthㅡ it would hurt too much. sensing the mood shift, yujin sighed. “hey. you don’t have to be ready to start moving on, we don’t expect you to. we know how much you lovedㅡ sorry, love that man. but staying alone like this isn’t good for you, y/n.”

“you’ve even pulled away from us, we’re worried about you,” chaewon nodded, walking over to the girls and grabbing y/n’s hand. “all we’ve been thinking about lately is you. how you’re feeling, how you’re doing, constantly wondering if you’re okay. and now that we’ve seen the mess you’ve found comfort in, in your solitude, you deserve to at least get your mind off of it for one night. then we can start helping you heal tomorrow.”

the unshakeable resistance y/n once had, started to falter as she looked at her friends’ determined faces. they weren’t just here to drag her out of the house, they genuinely cared. she wondered how much her absence, and wallowing in self pity, was truly affecting the people around her. even if she wasn’t entirely sure that she wanted to go, maybe it was worth a shot. after all, they went through the trouble of planning things out, as well as helping her clean her depressive mess. it was worth trying for them.

“fine,” she muttered. “but if it sucks, i’m leaving early.”

“deal,” chaewon said, clapping her hands. “now, let’s find you something hot to wear. i heard jay’s not going to be there, but let’s make him regret losing you anyway.”

yujin laughed, linking her arm with y/n’s and leading her toward the bedroom. the world seemed to start shining brighter as they walked. “yup. and who knows? maybe you’ll meet someone new.” y/n could only give a small, reluctant smile at the words. she wasn’t sure she believed their optimism, but for the first time in weeks, she felt hopeful. even if the night didn’t fix her heartbreak, at least she wouldn’t be alone with it. and, well, she’s got a blackout long overdue.

after showering and getting ready on their own, it was time for yujin and chaewon to work their magic; “project sad bitch to bad bitch” as yujin proudly proclaimed. chaewon flipped through y/n’s closet quietly, her fingers brushing against the variety of fabrics and patterns hanging from the hangers. “god, y/n,” the girl giggled in disbelief. “do you even wear half of this shit?” y/n only shrugged from her spot on the bed, towel wrapped snugly around her body barely blocking the AC’s cool breeze on her moist skin.

“i don’t know. maybe.”

“seems like you don’t know a lot of things lately, huh?”

“hm, i guess not.”

yujin sat cross-legged on the floor, unpacking her makeup bag and moving a lamp to complete her little setup. huffing at the attitude her friends were catching with each other, she turned to y/n with pleading eyes. “look, we’re not leaving until you’re ready. and no,” she added, looking up at the shivering girl. “sweatpants are not an option.”

confusion flooded y/n’a face as she tilted her head at the girl. “i wasn’t going to wear sweatpants.”

“good,” chaewon said, getting to the back of the closet, a small gleam catching her eyes. pulling out a simple satin slip dress, eyes widening with a smile at the piece. the dress that was destined for setting the mood. “ooh, now this could work.”

y/n eyed the dress and shook her head immediately. it was a part of a lingerie set that she had misplaced, something not meant to be seen in broad daylight, let alone by strangers at a party. she coughed, swatting away the memories that flooded back at the sight of it. there was no way she could wear that. “no. it’s too… i don’t know. they’re pajamas, it’s too much.”

“it’s not,” yujin said firmly, standing to drape the dress against y/n’s frame, already planning out the makeup look she could do to compliment it. it was clearly the best option they had, its slight sexual undertones only further confirming it was the key to a perfect night waiting to happen. “pajamas or not, it’s perfect. beyond that even. tonight’s not about hiding anyway.”

y/n could only sigh in response, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of her towel. “i’m not trying to hide, i just don’t feel like being seen.”

“is that not the same thing?” chaewon said, crossing her arms as she gave y/n a reassuring look. “look, we’re not saying you have to feel like a star tonight. we just want you to feel…you know, more like yourself again.”

yujin crouched in front of y/n, her expression softening. giving her best puppy eyes, she pouted and held hands up to the girl, begging with a small shake to emphasize her desperation. “just try, okay? it’s one night. you deserve to feel good about yourself, even if it’s just for a few hours.”

“i don’t feel bad about myself-” she paused when the girls gave her a knowing glance, making her stumble on her words. she glanced between them, her chest tightening. they weren’t forcing her, but they weren’t exactly letting her disappear, either. “you know what? fine,” she said finally, reaching out to take the dress. it was true, the dress was beautiful. the rose pink color highlighted by the sheen of the satin, with black laced edges adding the perfect contrast, made it a staple piece. she had forgotten all about its aura.

“that's what i’m talking ‘bout!” chaewon grinned and reached down to give yujin a round of high fives, their squeals only projecting a small portion of their excitement. y/n took the hanger and made her way into the bathroom. after a few minutes of staring at her reflection in the mirror, she stepped out in the dress. the fabric clung to her frame delicately, the soft sheen catching the light. she looked gorgeous, even with her hair undone. the room was silent as they shamelessly gawked at their best friend who only shifted awkwardly under their gaze.

“wow,” yujin whispered. “you look…”

“so fucking beautiful,” chaewon finished.

y/n only turned to look at herself in the mirror again, her lips pressing into a thin line. hesitant, she stared and tried to do some test poses. she just didn’t know how to feel. an internal scream match ensued, her thoughts becoming two conflicting forcesㅡ one side screaming no, the other trapped in a state, wondering: could i? shaking away her thoughts, she goes with her initial one. “i don’t know, guys. it's not me.”

“it is you,” yujin said gently. “maybe a part of you that you’ve forgotten about, but it’s still you. it wasn’t in your closet for no reason.”

while she wasn’t wrong, the reason definitely wasn’t for this. nonetheless she swallowed the lump in her throat, nodding slightly. juggling the pros and cons in her head, she made note of their actions that led her to this point. she owed it to them. “okay,” she said quietly. “let’s go before i change my mind.”

“makeup first~” chaewon sang out as she guided y/n over to the area where yujin had set everything up. “and i can do your hair, too. two birds, one stone. let’s go.”

the city lights blended into a colorful gradient of neon streaks as the taxi sped through the bustling streets. inside, the atmosphere was electric. y/n, chaewon, and yujin sat in the back, their laughter and chatter blending with the rhythmic hum of the car, the radio playing joyful tunes only further setting the mood.

chaewon, ever the instigator, held up a bottle of peach flavored soju, opening it and holding it to the roof. there was a gleam in her eyes that demonstrated her happiness more than words could explain. “to a night of unforgettable memories,” she declared, her tone light as she carefully waved the bottle mischievously. “with my very best friends.”

yujin grinned, lifting an imaginary bottle as well, reaching over chaewon’s lap to grab y/n’s hand and force her to do the same. “and to making sure y/n doesn’t regret this tomorrow,” she teased.

y/n chuckled a genuine, hearty laugh as she shook her head. “i’m not the one who needs to worry,” she retorted, her voice light but with a hint of challenge. she reached into chaewon’s bag pulling out a plastic shot glass. “is this even smart to be doing in a moving car?”

“yolo,” chaewon smiled in response, pouring a generous amount into the cup, nearly filling it to the brim. “bottoms up,” she urged, her tone playful yet insistent. with a resigned smile, y/n took the shot, the sharpness of the soju’s flavor warming her from the inside. she licked her lips and handed the cap to chaewon, who refilled it with a flourish.

“your turn,” chaewon said, carefully handing the cup to yujin who playfully raised an eyebrow, feigning fake reluctance. “peer pressure at its finest,” she laughed, but took the shot with no hesitation. the trio continued their pregame ritual, the taxi’s interior filled with their laughter and the clinking of bottles. as the cityscape passed by, the anticipation of the party awaiting them grew, each of them eager for the night that awaited them.

when the taxi pulled up, the bass from the party reverberated through the car, the music and laughter spilling out into the cool night air. y/n giggled, already feeling the happy buzz of the drinks from the ride over. chaewon and yujin, also tipsy, were practically bouncing with excitement as they stepped out of the car.

“drive safe, dear! have a good night,” chaewon waved to the driver. as they stepped through the door, they were immediately hit with the scent of perfume, alcohol, and excitement. the large living room was filled with people laughing, dancing, and chatting in their own little groups. y/n swayed slightly to the rhythm, the tipsiness from pregaming still actively lingering in her veins. chaewon and yujin were right beside her, their laughter bright and carefree, matching the energy around them. she pulled her jacket tighter, but it was more out of habit than discomfort.

at first, y/n did feel a bit out of place, but chaewon immediately linked arms with her, pulling her further into the scene. “you’re gonna love it here, i promise,” she grinned, her voice a little louder than usual to compensate for the music’s volume.

yujin, already catching the beat of the music, nudged her playfully. “yeah! tonight’s for fun, no worries.” they made their way over to heeseung, the host, who greeted them with a friendly smile and a quick hug. “hey, guys. glad you could make it! the party’s just getting started.”

y/n couldn’t help but stare at the man in front of her. he was tall, dark, and handsome. the small rose tint that coated his cheeks, caused by the alcohol, pulled the whole look together. it was hard to look away. wow. upon noticing this, chaewon leaned in, whispering to y/n, “heeseung’s the best. and he throws the best parties.”

y/n smiled as she finally broke her stare to meet chaewon’s eyes, her voice a little slurred but still light. “yeah, he seems chill.”

heeseung turned his attention to the girl who wasn’t as familiar with him, his smile faltering just a little. he leaned in closer to chaewon, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial tone so that y/n wouldn’t hear. “by the way, jay ended up changing his mind about not coming. he’s over there,” he said, glancing toward the other side of the room where jay stood talking to some guys.

his words seemed to sober chaewon up a bit as she tried not to make a reactive face as her eyes followed to where he was motioning to. there he was in the flesh, having the audacity to be enjoying himself while his ex-girlfriend still had the luxury of not knowing of his presence. and chaewon needed to make sure to keep it that way all night. instead, she flashed a quick grin, pulling y/n into the next part of the conversation. “man, we’re taking a cab home. you know what that means?”

“we can get fucked up,” y/n exclaimed doing a little happy dance, humoring the few that could hear what she was saying. heeseung only offered chaewon an encouraging smile, though he wasn’t sure her approach was the best. but what did he know, he was too drunk to really care about it past surface level. yujin, just as blissfully unaware of the situation, grinned ear to ear and high-fived y/n. “now that’s the energy i love to see!”

“yeah, yeah. let’s go mingle now!” chaewon said, waving to heeseung as she led the trio made towards the main area where majority of the people occupied. and of course, with no sign of jay. she spotted jake and sunghoon nearby, and with a social grin, she guided the girls along to greet them, reminding herself she needed to enjoy her time too.

“jake! hoon!” she called out, her voice full of energy. jake looked up from his conversation and grinned, his eyes trailing to each face as he greeted them. “chaewon, yujin, and… no fucking way. is that y/n?! in the flesh?!” he went over to give her a hug, and it signaled to her that he was definitely drunk. “finally, we get to see your pretty face again. it’s about time you join in on the fun!”

y/n, although a little confused, returned the hug and gave the boy a playful smile. “yeah. i guess i needed a little push to leave the house. you know how breakups get you sometimes,” she joked. probably not the funniest thing she could’ve said, but it was real.

sunghoon raised an eyebrow teasingly, making sure not to dwell on the literal aspects of it. he looked her up and down, almost drooling at the sight of her. the way the dress hugged her body, the way her jacket complimented the colors perfectly, even her flats fit the look. “well, i guess it worked out nicely. you look like you’re doing great now.”

yujin laughed, leaning in as if she were about to say something revolutionary. “it’s the party effect. you get here and forget everything.”

“just what i needed,” y/n said, letting herself get lost in the music. she wondered why she avoided everyone for so long. their presence made her feel ten times better in a couple of minutes than she’d felt on her own all month. it was refreshing.

“that’s the spirit!” jake grinned, looking past the girls to see jay walking over again with drinks in hand. thinking quickly, he gestured to the group behind him. “hey, rina and winter are over there. go give them a pleasant surprise.”

chaewon quickly perked up with enthusiasm at the mention of their other girl friends. “ooh! let’s go say hi!”

they headed over to karina and winter, who were standing by the snack table. karina greeted them with a playful smile. “there you guys are! i thought you’d bail on us. hey, y/n! it’s nice to see you again,” her eyes smiled at the girl, admiring the glow. maybe time away was what y/n needed to prosper. karina, like everyone else, was happy to see her again nonetheless.

y/n shook her head, her drunken voice bubbling with laughter. the world seemed to have a hint of saturation to it that she hadn’t seen in a while now. she couldn’t help but to pull karina into a hug, the gesture surprising both of them at the suddenness. “hey! and of course not. we just had to make sure we were up to par. can’t all be natural beauties like you girls.”

“oh stop it, y’all are gorgeous,” winter chimed in, raising her cup with a sigh of content before taking a sip. “man, i needed this after midterms. nothing better than a heeseung party to recharge your academic battery.”

“you know, for a guy that’s so popular amongst everyone, i'm surprised i didn’t know him before this,” y/n pondered for a second. the group laughed, “well, welcome to the real world outside of a relationship. people start existing again.” and soon enough, they were swept up in more conversation and dancing. after a few shots, y/n could feel herself getting lost in the rhythm, her laughter mixing with the music. as they moved back to the dance floor, she realized that maybe, just maybe, she could forget about the weight of it all—at least for tonight. her tipsiness had her in an effortlessly happy state, but she felt like it could be more hype. she leaned closer to chaewon and yujin, raising her voice slightly to be heard over the bass.

“i’m gonna grab a drink,” she said, her lips curling into a small smile. “you guys want anything? shots?”

yujin’s eyes lit up, and she nudged chaewon. “ohhh my god, yes. shots sound perfect.” chaewon grinned, raising her hand slightly. “tequila, if they have it. lime, salt, the good shit, you know how i like it.”

y/n laughed, making mental note of the girls’ orders. “got it, tequila on the rocks for the baddies. i’ll be back.” she spun on her heel, her steps sure as she wove through the crowd, the glow of the party lights casting a warm glow on her skin. emboldening her every move, the alcohol seemed to sink deeper into her veins, the electric energy of the room carrying her forward with effortless grace.

the kitchen set a different mood in contrast to the other rooms she and her friends had occupied that night. the loud, bass-heavy music from the living room was muffled here, replaced by softer chatter and the occasional clink of bottles against glasses. the room smelled faintly of spilled liquor and citrus wedges, surprisingly pleasant, and the counters were crowded with a mess of an inviting display of liquor bottles and red cups.

she ran her hand along the countertop that was cool on her heated skin. her eyes skimmed the options in front of her. there the tequila was for chaewon and yujin, but which brand to choose? she didn’t know. she bit her lip, trying to focus despite the pleasant buzz in her head craving excitement. she didn’t even realize a male figure had made his way over to her.

“tequila, huh?” his voice was smooth, unexpected, and it instantly pulled her attention to the right. there he was, leaning casually against the counter, his posture relaxed but commanding. the soft golden light from the kitchen highlighted his sharp features, a warm glow casting over his slightly tousled hair and the inviting grin that played on his lips.

she blinked, momentarily thrown off by his presence. there was something boyish about him, yet his looks contrasted the calculated composure in his eyes. once she realized her staring, she quickly recovered, her lips curving into a teasing smile unsure of where such confidence came from.“depends who you ask.”

he chuckled, the sound low and light, yet somehow warm despite its brevity. “true. i guess it depends on the night, too,” he mused, his eyes casually following her movements—curious, but not intrusive. his gaze lingered on the tequila bottles, gesturing to it. “bold choice, though,” he added, his tone easy and confident. “i guess it suits you.”

y/n tilted her head slightly, looking at the bottle she’d unknowingly chosen. her lips curved into a small smile, intrigued by his words. “what makes you think that?”

he shrugged with effortless charm, his laugh hypnotizing, like the world stopped with each chuckle that escaped his lips. and she was almost sure it did. “you’ve got this energy—like you’re fun, but there’s more to you than what meets the eye.” her eyebrows furrowed faintly in intrigue, but she kept her tone playful, tinged with a hint of caution. just because he seemed funny, and attractiveㅡ well, insanely attractive, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t keep her guard up; he was still a stranger. but his words seemed to draw her in nonetheless.

“you’ve got a lot of assumptions for someone i just met.”

“maybe,” he said with a slight shrug, “but i’m usually right.” he extended a hand toward her, his grin widening. “i’m eric, by the way. figured this was a good time to properly introduce myself since i’ve seen you around but never got the chance.”

she glanced at his hand before shaking it, his palm warm and his touch firm. “y/n,” she said simply, letting her name hang in the air for a moment. he shook her hand, slow and drawn out, before he reluctantly pulled away. it didn’t go unnoticed. he repeated it as if trying it out for himself, the syllables making themselves at home on his tongue. his grin softened into something more genuine. “that’s a pretty name. suits you.”

a faint warmth crept throughout her body at the compliment, but she quickly masked it with a smile, biting her lip as she tried to ignore the heat making its way to her cheeks. “thanks. so, you’re just out here handing out compliments tonight, huh?”

“only when they’re deserved,” he shot back smoothly, his gaze unwavering. there was something so captivating about him. his personality, maybe even ego, seemed big, but his confidence wasn’t overbearing. it was enticing and y/n found herself relaxing more, her initial purpose for coming to the kitchen already slipping her mind. “so, do you always pick tequila at parties, or is tonight special?” he raised an eyebrow slightly.

“tonight’s definitely special,” she replied, leaning against the counter herself now, mirroring his relaxed stance. the corners of her lips tugged upward, her drunken state aiding in loosening her posture. “but i’ll admit, it’s not my usual go-to.”

her words made him grin, his expression lighting up as if he’d just found the perfect opening to extend their conversation. his face seemed to soften slightly, and for a moment, y/n couldn’t help but envy how his confidence radiated. he knew how attractive he was, and knew exactly how to lean into it without making it feel forced.

“lucky for you, i’m a tequila enthusiast,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows, already reaching for the bottle and two shot glasses. his movements were sure, natural, as if he’d done this a hundred times before. everything about this man highlighted how sure of himself he was, like he knew the line between charm and arrogance and danced on it perfectly. “mind if i join you?”

y/n let out a small laugh, her gaze following his every movement as he poured the tequila. there was something mesmerizing about the way his hands worked—the smooth, controlled motions, his fingers brushing over the counter as if every little touch was intentional, effortless. the lighting of the room seemed to accentuate the sensuality of the moment; it made the air feel charged. everything about him, from the casual lean to the way his eyes stayed locked on hers, felt like a slow dance, a tension hummed between them.

“you know what? sure, why not?” she finally managed to say, her voice a little breathless, though she couldn’t quite tell if it was from the alcohol or the way the scene had shifted. eric slid a glass toward her, his fingers grazing the edge of the counter, his movements slow as if savoring the moment. he leaned in just enough to hold her gaze, his eyes glinting with a playful spark, and she felt her heart race a little. raising his glass, his smirk widened. “to… letting loose and making the most of tonight?”

y/n’s lips parted in a smile that felt so easy, so unguarded, like it was the most natural thing in the world to let go and enjoy the moment. all her worries of the night seemed to slip her mind as she tapped her glass against his, the muted background becoming more apparent making the brief clink of glass feel louder than it should have. “cheers to that.”

they downed the shots in unison, the tequila burning a familiar path down her throat before settling into a warm heat in her chest. she grabbed a slice of lime as a needed chaser, squeezing the sour juices into her mouth. now, the buzz she’d felt earlier amplified, wrapping around her like a comforting haze. she could feel herself relax further as eric leaned in closer to keep the conversation flowing. their eyes meet again and an unfamiliar, yet alluring feeling crept up. he was so captivating. one look from him felt like transcending.

“so, what about you?” she asked, setting her glass down with a soft clink against the counter. she was becoming more curious about him. every second, imagining his life story, his reasons for coming, who he came with, she wanted to know everything. her tone carried a teasing edge as she raised an eyebrow. “are you the life of the party or just here to keep an eye on the tequila?”

he chuckled, his shoulders shaking slightly as if her words had struck the right note. there was something disarming about the way he laughed, and y/n couldn’t help but feel a small surge of accomplishment, her desire to keep conversing growing. “somewhere in between,” he admitted, his smile widening, the confidence in his voice undeniable. “but tonight, i think i’m here for more interesting conversations.”

the subtle compliment tugged at y/n, piquing her newfound confidence and before she knew it, she was leaning in just a little more, drawn into the rhythm of his words. she’d forgotten how much fun it was to flirt, how desirable she was over the years. none of this was one sided. “well, lucky you ran into me, then.”

“lucky, indeed,” eric replied, his voice dropping just enough to carry weight, and his gaze shifted to hers with intensity, the moment stretching out longer than expected. her breath hitched. it felt like time slowed down for just a second before she regained her composure. before she could fully process the warmth creeping up her spine from eric’s gaze, a shift in the atmosphere almost caught her attention. across the kitchen, jay walked in, his empty beer bottle dangling carelessly from his fingers, searching for somewhere to dispose of the glass. his expression was relaxed at first, but the moment his eyes locked onto her frame, he froze.

y/n didn’t notice him immediately either. her back was turned to him and she was much too absorbed in her conversation with eric. but jay was peeping everything. the way she laughed, the way she leaned just slightly toward eric, and most notably, that dress. it wasn’t just any dress. it was his favorite, the one she had only worn on special occasions, none of which ever saw light beyond the bedroom.

a knot twisted in jay’s chest, and his mind spun with a rush of emotions—anger, jealousy, and regret. he couldn’t pinpoint which hurt more, but they all clawed at him. was she just here for sex? and was she wearing that to enhance her attraction? he was convinced the second he heard the sound of her laughter, consumed by whatever sweet little nothings eric was telling her as she leaned in toward him. it stung. he hated how much power she still had over him, how she could still hurt him so deeply without even realizing.

eric, perceptive as ever, immediately caught the shift in the air. when his eyes flicked over jay and back to y/n, his grin widened ever so slightly. without missing a beat, he poured another shot, his movements casual yet carrying a certain smugness as he slid the glass toward y/n. “ready for another?” he asked lightly, though his gaze hardly wavered from jay.

“absolutely,” she replied with a laugh, oblivious to the silent exchange happening right in front of her. she was too intoxicated, both from the liquor and eric’s attention—to feel the tension brewing. the scene unfolding in front of her went unnoticed. eric, with his charm, was asserting his dominance over jay in a way that was bold, yet subtle enough to fly under y/n’s radar.

eric poured his own shot with an almost lazy confidence, his movements smooth and conceited as though every action was meant to say, i’ve already won. raising and clinking his glass with y/n’s, his lips curved into a subtle smirk as he downed the drink. while she threw her head back to get the shot out the way, his eyes were locked onto jay’s. the air in the kitchen thickened, growing heavier with the unspoken tension that hung between the two men. jay’s jaw tightened, his fingers curling firmly around the neck of his bottle as he forced himself to relax. but his pride just wouldn’t let it go. he needed to act, to remind this guy—this nobody, who y/n truly belonged to.

his steps were calculated as he moved further into the kitchen, making it seem as if he hadn’t noticed them at all. his presence, though originally unacknowledged, was impossible to ignore. without sparing so much as a glance their way, jay reached for a bottle on the counter, his movements nonchalant and composed.

“hey, eric, pass me the bottle opener,” he said, his tone calm, detached, as if the moment held no significance. but the sound of his voice was enough to pierce through y/n’s bubble of drunken bliss. her laughter faltered, the warmth that had fueled her moments before were replaced by a quick, relentless, almost sinking ache. eric, with his focus now shifted to jay with a scowl, straightened up as he titled his head. they were now challenging each other in front of their pursuit.

“it’s right there, get it yourself,” eric made no effort to mask the irritation the boy’s presence brought him. y/n turned slowly, her heart lurching at the sight of jay. what the fuck was he even doing? did she even actually like eric? the thoughts ran through her mind, quick and unforgiving. as her gaze remained on jay, everything else faded into the background. eric’s presence, his charm, the tequila-fueled buzz— all evaporated. jay’s movements were precise, impersonal. though he stood just a few feet away, his eyes never met hers. it was as though she didn’t even exist to him, a realization that stung more than she’d anticipated.

with a swift motion, he grabbed the opener, popped the cap off the beer, and set it back on the counter. without another word or glance, he turned on his heel, a smug scoff leaving his lips as he disappeared into the crowd. his shoulders were tense, and his strides were agonizingly slow. y/n watched him leave, her heart sinking further with each step he took. her fingers curled against the countertop as she let out a sigh, gripping it tightly as she struggled to steady herself, her knuckles paling from the effort.

“you okay?” eric’s voice softened, his earlier confidence giving way to a tentative concern. his hand brushed her shoulder lightly, but the touch barely registered. all her thoughts, all her feelings, were consumed once again by jay, and the space he left behind. eric felt like a distant blur in comparison.

“yeah,” y/n replied quickly, though her voice was tight, almost robotic now. she forced a smile, but it was weak. she averted her eyes, unsure of where to look anymore. she was too ashamed to be present in the moment now. “it’s whatever. i don’t even know that guy anymore.” the words were meant to sound indifferent, maybe even lighthearted, but her tone betrayed her, emotions seeping through.

eric hesitated, his eyes studying her face. he could see the way her confidence had crumbled the moment jay walked up and felt a pang of guilt knowing he’d inadvertently caused it. but an unfamiliar feeling sparked within him as well. he wanted to make her forget about jay entirely, to erase whatever hold he still had on her. what had started off as an obvious attempt at a one-night stand, had suddenly turned into something more. eric wanted to be the one she thought about, the one she wanted, the one who could make her feel again.

y/n leaned against the counter, her glass clutched tightly in her hand, staring at the floor like it could offer her some kind of escape. it was quiet as the pair decided not to say anything. she didn’t mind it though. the weight of jay’s acknowledgment—or lack thereof— was still hanging over her like a storm cloud. and in her drunken state, she didn’t know how to process what she was feeling now. chaewon and yujin‘s comfort was rooms away, which she supposed was for the better. she didn’t want to bring their mood down with hers anyway. the dull thud of bass from the next room gave her a headache, and the warmth of the kitchen suddenly felt stifling.

she poured another shot and quickly downed it, sucking in a deep breath as the warmth shot throughout her body. her mind replayed the earlier scene on a loop—his voice, the dismissive tone, the way his eyes never bothered to look her way. a desperate part of her had hoped for more, craving at least some shred of emotion from him. instead, all she’d gotten was proof of how much she still cared, and how little he did. she bit the inside of her cheek to keep her tears at bay, her pride refusing to let them fall.

“hey.” y/n’s head snapped up, startled by the soft voice that cut through her thought process, reminding her she was still at the party. eric now stood a few feet away, his hands shoved into his pockets, a relaxed posture with a steady gaze. he tilted his head slightly, offering her a small smile in an attempt to ease her mind. “wanna just get out of here for a bit?”

for a moment she just stared at him, her brain debating on his offer. the idea of leaving the kitchen, and the weight of jay’s presence hanging over her, felt like relief. but going somewhere with ericㅡ a near-stranger? she wasn’t sure. her grip on her drink loosened slightly, her nails no longer digging into the condensation-soaked glass. “where would we even go?” her voice came out quieter than she intended.

“don’t know,” he shrugged, now leaning against the doorframe. “anywhere but here. upstairs, outside… we could raid his snacks, whatever helps.” his tone was casual, but there was something in the way he watched her that felt intentional. he sensed the remaining turmoil in her heart and wanted to pull her away from it.

y/n glanced at the doorway he motioned to, then back to her drink. the thought of staying here, rooted to this spot, after jay’s appearance felt unbearable. so, without answering, she set her cup on the counter with a soft clink and gave him a small nod. eric’s smile widened just slightly, enough to make her cheeks flush again. “come on,” he murmured, motioning for her to follow him.

he led her to a quiet balcony on the second floor of the house, away from the pulsing music and swarm of people. the cool night air hit her face, and she zipped her jacket as she wrapped her arms around herself. she was thankful for the moment of calm that wasted no time washing over her. eric handed her an unopened bottle of patron that he’d snagged on their way up, giving her a reassuring smile.

“for the record,” he said, leaning against the railing, his tone measured, almost casual, “whatever he did to you? screw him.” his eyes stayed fixed on the city lights below, the ambient hum of distant car horns and the occasional gust of wind filling the silence. he didn’t look at her, as if giving her the privacy to feel whatever she needed to without his gaze adding weight.

y/n let out a weak laugh, but it cracked halfway through, dissolving into a shaky exhale. leaning on the railing herself, her eyes wandered to the darkened yard below, its emptiness mirroring the void she felt in her heart. her voice wavered when she spoke. “it’s not that simple.”

“maybe not,” eric shrugged, the softness in his voice tugging at her like a thread, unraveling the tight knot she’d been holding together. “but he doesn’t get to ruin your night.” he turned slightly toward her, his expression thoughtful, though his gaze never pressed into hers too directly. her throat tightened, and before she could stop herself, tears pricked at the corners of her eyes, blurring the faint glow of the city. she swallowed hard, shaking her head as if to ward them away. turning from him, she choked out a laugh, “god, i’m sorry. this is so stupid.”

“it’s not stupid,” he said with quiet conviction. he didn’t step closer, deciding it was best to keep respecting the fragile space between them, but there was something solid and grounding in his presence nonetheless. “you’re allowed to feel how you want to feel, y/n. no one gets to decide that for you.”

her fingers hastily brushed at her cheeks,trying to swipe away the evidence of her emotions as shame crept in. traces of her makeup found refuge on her jacket in the process. she was sure she looked as much of a mess physically as she felt mentally. his words lingered, and she appreciated him not demanding a response, just offering a truth she hadn’t yet been able to admit to herself. “i don’t even know why i’m crying. it’s just… all i wanted was to be able to forget about him for one night.” her words hung in the air as she tightly crossed her arms over her chest in an attempt to hold herself together. saying it out loud made the hurt feel all the more real, the pressure pressing harder against her ribs.

“getting over someone takes time,” eric said, his voice steady and thoughtful, as though he’d carefully considered every word. his eyes flickered toward her briefly, searching for a reaction before continuing. “especially someone who meant a lot to you. i heard you guys were together for a couple of years; i don’t think anyone expects you to bounce back quickly. and just because you’re not there yet doesn’t mean you won’t get there.” his words settled over her, profound, like the softest form of reassurance she had been needing. y/n felt her shoulders relax and she finally exhaled, her breath fogging in the chilly night air. the weight of her emotions felt a little lighter now. eric held up the unopened bottle between them, his grin softening the mood further.

“how about this? one drink, and we’ll make a pact: no more thinking about jay tonight.”

her lips twitched into a small, reluctant smile as she reached for the bottle, the faintest trace of amusement breaking through the fading sadness. when in doubt, drink it out. “deal.” the bottle moved back and forth between them as the conversation flowed, each sip peeling away the mysterious layers between the two. eric had a way of drawing her out. his humor was witty, his stories were full of vivid details that made her forget the remaining ache in her chest, little by little. she felt like she could breathe again.

the two talked about everything and nothing: bad movies, dream vacations, even the weirdest things they’d done as kids. eric was so easy to talk to. in a way that felt natural, his teasing was playful but never too much, and his laughter warm and infectious. with every story exchanged, y/n found herself leaning further into the conversation.

at some point, the conversation slowed, the hum of the city below filling the quiet. y/n’s gaze drifted to eric, who sat just close enough that she could feel the warmth of his presence. the soft glow of the house lights framed his features—his sharp jawline, the slight curve of his lips, and the depth in his eyes that seemed to catch everything without needing to say much. she had noticed before how effortlessly handsome he was, but in the stillness, she could see it in all its glory because now he wasn’t even trying.

“what?” he asked, his voice breaking through her thoughts, low and teasing but not unkind. he kept his eyes on her, a gleam shimmering ever so slightly. she blinked, her cheeks heating as she fought hard not to look away.

“nothing.”

eric tilted his head, a small, knowing smile tugging at his lips. “you were staring. i’m not complaining, just… curious.”

y/n’s heart stuttered, her defenses unraveling under his playful yet gentle tone. she dropped her gaze to the bottle between them, her fingers brushing against the cool glass. “i wasn’t staring,” she mumbled, though the blush deepening on her cheeks betrayed her. he leaned in slightly, not enough to overwhelm but just enough to close the gap, his voice quieter now.

“sure you weren’t.” their proximity was close enough to feel his breath warm on her nose. a closeness that felt almost forbidden. it felt good. there was something in the way he looked at her, prolonged and intent, as if he could see past what she was trying to hide. it made her stomach flip, her mind race. the space between them felt charged, the kind of silence that wasn’t empty but filled with things neither of them knew how to say.

she tried to focus on the city lights, the buzz of music from the party beneath themㅡ anything but him… but her gaze betrayed her again. when she looked back up, he was still watching her, his expression shifting into something unreadable.

“you know, you’re… different than i expected,” he said finally, his voice soft, almost hesitant. he was peeling back a layer of himself that he didn’t often share.

y/n’s brows furrowed slightly, her mind catching the weight of his words. curiously, she leaned closer despite the space being noses apart as a result. “different how?” she asked, her voice quieter now in fear of the moment shattering if she spoke any louder.

“in a good way,” he replied, the corners of his lips lifting in a slight smile that was both shy and sincere. the energy picked up, dissipating from its once lustful state into something new, softer and more vulnerable. “like… i don’t know. just better.”

the simplicity of his words struck her harder than she expected. there weren’t any grand gestures or overly thought-out declarations with them, yet somehow, it made them feel all the more genuine. she didn’t know how to respond, so she didn’t. instead, she just looked at him, her lips parting slightly as if the unfolding moment had stolen the air from her lungs. the outside noises of the world faded into nothing, narrowing to just the quiet breaths they shared on that balcony.

time seemed to slow as the remaining space between them shrank. his gaze dropped, flickering to her lips for the briefest moment before meeting her eyes again, a silent question lingering in the space between them. she felt renewed, her heart was racing as her mind scrambled to make sense of it. but there was no time to think, no time to overanalyze; her body moved before she could stop it.

her lips met his, softly at first, testing the waters. there was hesitation on both ends, a mutual uncertainty. then the kiss deepened, the weight of the night pouring into every movement. she leaned in closer, her hands finding their way to his shirt, gripping it tightly as if afraid he might pull away. his fingers ghosted over her jaw, anchoring her in the moment, grounding her as the rest of the world seemed to spin. it wasn’t perfect, it was messy and uncoordinated, a clash of emotions and impulse—but it felt real, raw in a way that made her melt into his touch. and for the first time in what felt like forever, she let herself be vulnerable. she let herself feel.

but just as quickly as it started, the kiss ended as reality crashed back in. y/n pulled back abruptly, her hands flying to her stomach as a sudden wave of nausea hit hard, quickly climbing its way up from her stomach. “oh no…” she muttered, her voice barely above a whisper as she almost teleported to the other side of the balcony. there was no way. eric’s eyes widened, concern flashing across his face as he instinctively moved to reach out toward her. “you okay?” he asked, moving his hands back after seeing her lack of response to the gesture. she shook her head, the motion only making her feel worse.

“i think i’m gonna—” she realized she pushed herself to her feet too quickly, her delayed reaction to the sudden movement sent her balance teetering. eric was beside her in an instant, steadying her with a hand on her arm as she stumbled toward the railing.

“whoa, whoa—hold on,” he said, his voice calm but urgent. “deep breaths, okay? i got you.”

y/n clung to the cool metal railing, squeezing her eyes shut as she tried to steady her breathing. the nausea roared louder, her stomach churning violently. she hated how vulnerable she felt, she hated that she couldn’t keep it together.

“i’m so sorry,” she whispered shakily, leaning forward in case the inevitable happened. her whole body was in panic mode, trying to ground itself but every attempt it made only escalated the situation. the only thing saving her from completely coming undone was her pride. she refused to embarrass herself in front of the handsome man that kept her company.

“don’t apologize,” eric said softly, his hand still resting on her arm. the touch was enough to distract her as her senses focused on the warmth it offered. “seriously, it’s fine. just focus on breathing. we’ll get through this.” her cheeks burned with embarrassment, but there was no judgment in his voice, no awkwardness, just comfort laced with concern. he was drunk too, anxiety building at how the situation could possibly unfold. y/n clung to the railing as the nausea finally overwhelmed her. the world around her blurred, and every sound muffled like she was underwater. her knees buckled slightly, and eric was quick to catch her as she vomited over the balcony, quietly thanking god that nobody was in the backyard.

“yeah,” he said, his voice gentle but firm. “i think you’re done for the night.” she tried to mumble a response, but her words came out slurred and incoherent. her body felt heavy, the buzz of alcohol overpowering every sense as she vomited again. now she was sobbing curses keeping her eyes squeezed tight, as if it could block out the predicament she was in now. eric had to think fast, he couldn’t just leave her out here. but he also cared for her reputation, and taking someoneㅡ in her state, back with the majority was just begging to be social suicide.

“okay, hang tight,” eric said, carefully easing her down to sit on the floor of the balcony, leaning her against the railing for support. she was barely responsive, her eyelids fluttering as exhaustion took over. he wanted to bring her inside the room, but if she kept going at the rate that she was, laying down would be a safety hazard. he hated it, but the best option would be to leave her outside. he sucked in a breath, crouching in front of her, brushing a strand of her hair out of her face. “i’m gonna find your friends, okay? just stay right here.”

y/n’s head lolled slightly. he made his way back into the main, more populated areas of the house, scanning the crowd for any sign of the two girls she’d been with earlier. it took a few minutes and some questions to a few strangers, but eventually, eric found chaewon and yujin near the living room, both mid-conversation with a group of people. “hey, uh,” eric interrupted, his tone urgent enough to grab their attention immediately. “y/n’s on the balcony. she’s not feeling great. i think she needs you.”

chaewon’s eyes widened as her head snapped towards yujin, they had forgotten about y/n in their inebriated state. they actually learned of the kitchen situation shortly after it happened because jay had come by and interrupted their conversation with jake to vent about it. they only let her be after hearing of her moment with eric because a distraction was what they were originally hoping for. they didn’t take into account it could go left. “what the hell is she doing out there? is she okay?”

“she’s like… out of it,” eric said, his hands still in his pockets but his shoulders tense as they picked up the words he wasn’t dropping: a few too many drinks, half of which her body weight couldn’t hold. “she needs to go home.” yujin didn’t hesitate, grabbing chaewon’s arm as they followed eric back to the balcony. chaewon couldn’t help but cry the whole way up.

“fuck, we might just be the worst friends alive,” she sobbed, her feet scurrying to keep up with the other two as each sob slowed her down. yujin, sensing the need for a level headed person in the room, pinched chaewon’s cheeks once they reached the bedroom leading to the balcony. “we can unpack that later. she needs us now. so suck it up cause we have to act like we know what we’re doing.” her words leave no word for arguments, so chaewon just nods putting on her best poker face despite the regret that still panged at her heart.

when they opened the door to finally arrive on the scene, y/n was no longer slumped against the railing. she was laying on her side curled into a ball, eyes closed as she emphasized each breath she let out to calm her nerves. “oh my god, y/n,” chaewon muttered, kneeling beside her. the girl only croaked her name in response, a pout eliciting a downpour of tears. she felt a sense of relief washing over her at their presence. yujin crouched down as she and chaewon lifted her body up, y/n doing her best to push herself up with her arms. “what made this happen?”

“it’s kind of my fault. jay upset her while we were taking shots. it bummed her out, so we came up here to recharge… drank a whole bottle of patron,” eric trailed off as he recollected their actions leading up to it, the impulsivity being highlighted as a disaster waiting to happen. rubbing the back of his neck, he cleared his throat. “yeah, so it’s totally my fault.” chaewon and yujin wasted zero time verbally agreeing with him. he didn’t take it personally, thoughㅡ in hindsight, he could’ve approached the situation better. “sorry, i wasn’t really thinking. i just wanted to make her feel better.”

“well, thank you,” yujin said, her voice sincere as she looked at him. chaewon and yujin carefully helped y/n to her feet, draping her arms over their shoulders. eric lingered for a moment, his gaze softening as he looked at her one last time. she looked an absolute mess. her mascara ran in uneven streaks tracing her cheeks, while smudges of foundation, blush,and faded lipstick clung desperately to her skin. he felt horrible for how bad her night turned out. “she’s gonna be okay, right?” he asked, his voice a tinge quieter now.

“yeah,” chaewon said, tight-lipped with a small nod. “we got it from here, thanks for looking out for her.” eric nodded, stepping back as they carried y/n away. he stood there for a moment, watching until they disappeared into the house. with a deep breath, he turned back toward the balcony railing, running a hand through his hair as he tried to shake off the lingering worry. what a shitty first impression to leave. he almost wished that they had saved some alcohol, he needed another shot.

in the backseat of the taxi, y/n slumped against chaewon, her head heavy with a mouth that insisted on being anything but quiet. “i wanted to stay with him,” she mumbled, her words slurring together. her voice hiccuped slightly, carrying the unmistakable edge of drunken frustration. she replayed fragmented memories of their time together from the kitchen to the balcony. “why’d you make me leave? he was—he was so damn nice to me. oh my god, he was so sweet y’all. and he was so cute.”

chaewon yawned with a sigh, exhausted and clearly drunk, but trying her best to be a comforting friend, rubbing y/n’s arm. “yeah, yeah, i’m sure he was cool. but we had to leave, y/n. you could barely stand.”

“you were blackout drunk,” yujin chimed in from the passenger seat, twisting around to face them, her own cheeks flushed from the night’s drinks. “like, not just tipsy. you were gone, babe. eric literally told us to get you home.”

but y/n wasn’t having it. she sat up abruptly, her movements wobbly as she gestured with exaggerated fervor. “i liked him, though! he was—such a sweetheart. like, he said all this nice stuff. and we—” she paused, her drunken mind struggling to piece things together. rubbing her thighs together, her mind went straight to the kiss they shared. knowing chaewon and yujin, they wouldn’t let her hear the end of it if she dropped that kind of info. so, she opted to stop herself, quickly changing the subject. a little secret never hurt anybody.

“he was—he was talking to me, and then you guys just pulled me away.” images of how she interpreted the situation plagued her mind, as if they were plotting against her to keep her from her prince charming. “it wasn’t fair… what if i never see him again?” she slumped back dramatically, her head falling against the window with a loud thud but she wasn’t even phased by the pain. “this is so unfair.”

chaewon’s expression softened, her teasing edge melting away as she gave y/n’s arm a gentle squeeze. her voice was quieter now, reassuring, like she was trying to ground her moody friend. “you know you can keep talking to him, right? it’s not like you’ll never see him again.”

“how?” y/n exclaimed, throwing her hands up dramatically. her voice carried the same exasperation as a frustrated child, her bottom lip already jutting out in a pout. it seemed impossible, like meeting him was a once in a lifetime chance she’d fumbled.

“i don’t know, romeo,” yujin quipped, glancing back at her. “you got his number, didn’t you?” there was a glint of amusement in her tone, and it took everything not to laugh at y/n’s growing dramatics.

y/n blinked, suddenly caught off guard. “damn it,” she groaned, flopping back against the seat as the realization hit her. “i didn’t even think about that!” her voice rose in pitch as her frustration bubbled over. with another groan, she slumped forward again. “how am i supposed to find him now?”

yujin shook her head, her own buzz making her grin widen as she scrolled through her phone. “hold on,” she mumbled, squinting at the screen as she scrolled past posts and messages. “i think we follow him on instagram. chaewon and me, at least.”

“you’re kidding,” y/n said, her tone filled with disbelief as her wide eyes snapped to yujin. she was almost jealous, she wanted him to follow her too. well, maybe more than a follow. she had a list of things she now wanted from the boy, few of them being internet bound.

“mmm, nope. see? it’s right here,” yujin turned her phone toward y/n, showing her eric’s page. it wasn’t much from what she could see. just a regular layout, posting at normal locations yet somehow making the mundane parts of life look vibrant. so dreamy.“i’ll send you his profile.”

for a moment, the drunken haze clouding y/n’s mind seemed to part, and a flicker of hope broke through her frustration. her face softened, and she looked at her friends with a mixture of gratitude and awe. “you’d really give it to me?” her voice was quieter now, almost shy, but the happiness behind her words was hard to miss.

“of course,” yujin said with a shrug, her fingers already flying across the screen to send his profile link. her tone was casual as her eyes flicked to y/n. “but, like, maybe don’t embarrass yourself, okay? just be chill.” she raised an eyebrow, her gaze flickering between concern and amusement. “if you’re even capable of that right now.”

chaewon snorted beside her, the sound sharp and short, like she’d tried to suppress it but failed miserably. the corners of her lips twitched upward as she pressed her knuckles against her mouth, shaking her head at the scene unfolding before her.

“hey,” y/n shot back, the sound more of a whine than a true protest. her pout returned in full force as she crossed her arms over her chest like a petulant child. “i am capable of being chill.” but the way her words were slurred slightly at the edges and so over-exaggerated, made her claim hilariously unconvincing. her friends didn’t need to say anything, her actions spoke loud enough.

“sure you are,” chaewon said, laughter bubbling up from deep in her chest as she leaned back into the seat, shaking her head. the way she said it seemed to playfully poke even more holes in y/n’s already shaking defense. her amusement was contagious, setting off yujin, who burst into laughter that echoed through the car. “there, it’s sent,” yujin said between giggles, her cheeks beginning to ache from smiling as the notification lit up the screen.

she waved it at y/n who then grabbed her phone and stared down at the notification, her lips twitching as her pout faltered. even though she tried to hold on to her dramatic indignation, the warmth of her friends’ laughter was pulling her out of her sulk. she wasted no time exploring his public profile, staring down at it like it held all the answer to life’s mysteries. a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips.

as the taxi rolled to a stop in front of y/n’s apartment, her eyes stayed glued to one of eric’s posts. the glow of the screen illuminated her face as she scrolled through his pictures, lingering on one in particular—a candid shot of him laughing, his head tilted back and his smile wide. “he’s cute, right?” she slurred, her voice tinged with both awe and disbelief as she held the phone up for chaewon and yujin to see. “yeah, real cute,” yujin replied without even looking, her tone dismissive as she hooked her arm under y/n’s to help her out of the taxi. chaewon grabbed y/n’s other arm, the two of them exchanging knowing glances over her head.

“now come on,” yujin added, her voice straining as y/n leaned heavily on her. “let’s get you inside before you pass out in the hallway.”

“i’m not gonna pass out,” y/n protested, though her sluggish movements and the way she was tripping over her own feet, told an entirely different story. her attention drifted back to her phone. “he’s so cute,” she declared dreamily, clicking on another one of eric’s posts. she zoomed in on his face scrutinizing every detail like she was solving a puzzle.

her knees buckled slightly as she let out a squeal that blended into a wistful sigh, her head tipping back dramatically. the sudden motion nearly sent all three of them tumbling to the ground. “y/n, focus!” chaewon scolded, groaning as she tightened her grip to keep her upright. together, they stumbled through the front door, chaewon’s voice laced with equal parts exasperation and amusement.

“i am focused!” y/n shot back, though the way she swayed suggested otherwise. with a flourish, she exited out of the post and opened eric’s dms, her fingers flying across the screen. “i’m texting him right now,” she announced proudly, her voice brimming with determination.

“just don’t say anything stupid,” yujin laughed, typing in the apartment code and holding the door open for them. her tone held a faint edge of concern as she glanced over at y/n, whose fingers kept typing away. y/n, entirely oblivious to her surroundings, was deep in concentration, her thumbs working faster than her intoxicated brain could keep up. she hit send on one message, then another, a giddy smile spreading across her face as the chat filled with her messages. “he hasn’t seen them yet,” she mumbled, almost like a child waiting for a toy to arrive.

chaewon and yujin exchanged a look, their laughter bubbling up again as they guided her toward her room to toss her on the bed, watching as she remained entirely consumed by her mission. “you’re a mess,” chaewon teased, shaking her head, though there was no mistaking the fondness in her voice. after ridding themselves of their shoes, the three girls were quick to undo the chaos of the night. yujin wiped away her smudged eyeliner with one of y/n’s makeup wipes, while chaewon rummaged through a pile of clothes, discarding her dress before tossing a baggy hoodie on.

y/n, still buzzing from both the alcohol and her excitement, sat cross-legged on the bed, clutching her phone. amidst the silent ruffling of materials as the girls were focused on their respective activities, her phone buzzed. the room was momentarily filled with a high-pitched squeal as she threw her head back dramatically. “he replied!”

“oh my god, already?” yujin asked, peering over y/n’s shoulder.

“what’d he say?” chaewon added, leaning in, her curiosity piqued.

but y/n didn’t answer, her face going slack as she hunched over her phone, completely absorbed in whatever eric had sent. the other two exchanged glances before shrugging, quietly finishing up their nighttime routines while y/n sat frozen, eyes reading each thing he sent. suddenly, she let out a gasp, breaking her silence once again. “he gave me his number!” she screamed, clutching her phone to her chest like it was a prized possession.

chaewon raised an eyebrow. “well, are you gonna call him?”

y/n shot her a look that screamed duh, her fingers making quick to save his number. without hesitating, she dialed it, ignoring the way her heart was trying to beat its way out of her chest. “oh my god, you’re calling now?” yujin asked, half-laughing as she tossed herself onto the bed.

“shh!” y/n hissed, holding a finger up to quiet them. she brought the phone to her ear, biting her lip as the dial tone hummed in her ear. the sound seemed to stretch on forever, each ring louder than the last.

“what if he doesn’t pick up?” chaewon whispered, leaning closer to yujin with wide eyes.

yujin grinned. “then she’ll probably—”

“hello?”

his voice cut through the line, smooth and casual, yet undeniably familiar. y/n froze, her lips parting as the realization hit her. “uh—” she started, but her voice caught in her throat, her mind racing to find the right words. chaewon and yujin exchanged a glance, their amused smiles fading as they watched y/n’s expression shift into something softer, more vulnerable.

“hello?” he said again, a touch of curiosity creeping into his tone.

y/n exhaled slowly, closing her eyes as if bracing herself. “hey, eric,” she finally said, her voice quieter than she intended. muting, she turned to the girls. “i’ll be back.” and with that, she slipped out of the room, leaving her friends behind as the door clicked softly shut.

135 notes · View notes

dat-town · 5 months ago

Text

like rain, we fell (in love)

Characters: idol!Jaehyun & female reader

Setting & genre: idol au with simpism and loserism, an attempt at comedy, very heavily inspired by Lovely Runner

Summary: Jaehyun met you on a rainy day before debut. Almost 5 years later he is an established name in the industry, the nation’s puppy boyfriend. When he meets you again, idol image be damned he won’t miss this chance.

Warnings: birth names are used, mentions of uncertainty, dieting, stress, exhaustion, sasaengs and similar things idol life can bring; idol life and dating culture is still taken a lot lighter than reality to spare the angst. there is one drunk man threatening the mc at one point but nothing physical happens. after the time skip, the boys are aged up because we’re fast forwarding to 2027 which also means there are a bunch of made up things about bnd’s future. even though i tried my best to research predebut things, this fic in no way tries to depict real lives. all characters are fictional and not actual representation of the boys.

Words: 9.7k

Author’s note: ever since i finished the drama i had the idea written down with an idol mentioning his first love on live just like how Ryu Sunjae did. initially it wasn’t for Jaehyun but then he dropped his Sonaki cover and he gives off the vibes, doesn’t he? when the MAC advertisement is mentioned, imagine something like this

@restlessmaknae at this point, i'm not even saying anything... just enjoy <3

3 MONTHS BEFORE DEBUT

It was raining on the day Myung Jaehyun met you.

It was a particularly exhausting day, the bad kind. Normally he didn’t mind the ache in his muscles, proof of their hard work nor being so damn tired after getting back to the dorms past midnight that he could barely remember to wash up before falling to bed. But there were these kinds of days when dragging themselves home from the practice room felt like something they were undeserving of, when doubts were too loud as their dance teacher’s words about still not being synchronized enough rang in their ears. He could tell it was affecting all of them.

The car ride back to the dorms was often quiet so late at night as they tried to catch every bit of sleep they could but it was often filled with snacking, watching videos and small talk too. It was rarely this tense, so thick that it lingered in the air. Jaehyun could tell that nobody could sleep this time even if Dongmin pretended to with his eyes closed, hoodie up and headphones over his ears. Woonhak looked like he was one more scolding word away from tearing up and usually Jaehyun would have been the one who tried to lighten up the mode, who joked around, who poked and teased and babbled until the tension broke and they laughed. But that day, it was too much, he couldn’t think of anything to say, nothing that could have cheered them up so close to the final evaluation, so close to messing up their chance for debut.

When the car halted in front of their dorm building, everybody scurried out of the van with half-hearted goodbyes to the staff member who gave them the ride. Jaehyun was the last one to get out of the car, his sports bag felt heavy on his shoulder and his still damp fringe hung into his eyes. He felt uneasy going back to the dorm, knowing he wouldn’t sleep anyways, so his steps slowed down, unsure, even after the van left. It was Sungho after having patted the others’ back, wishing them good night, who had noticed him stalling.

“You good?” He asked quietly, dark spots under his eyes showing that he didn’t fare any better than any of them, yet he tried. Jaehyun wasn’t sure whether it had something to do with the responsibility he felt as the oldest or it was just his personality but he was really grateful to have him with them. He was even more grateful that the elder boy didn’t show any kind of grudge against him being voted as their future leader despite joining KOZ only at the end of last year. At times like this, Jaehyun doubted he could do a good job at leading a team. He wasn’t made to do so. He was loud and messy. They should have chosen Sungho with his easy smiles and orderliness, since they had already often relied on him.

“I will catch up with you soon,” Jaehyun promised before turning down the road. He wasn’t sure where he was headed but he knew he needed to clear his head.

Even though he only knew the other boys for a few months, he could easily imagine their different ways of coping. Donghyun and Sanghyeok talking in the darkness of their room, Sungho stress-cleaning their kitchen, Taesan already working on his next cool song about beating allegations of not being good enough while Woonhak forcing himself to go to sleep because poor kid had to go to school in less than 6 hours. And him? Out at night swinging at a playground because he wanted to scream but couldn’t. He felt worn out like he wasn’t made for this but at the same time he couldn’t imagine any other life. Especially when after sacrificing his youth on the altar of training, after wasting years at YG watching all of his friends debut, he was finally so close. They were so close to turning their dream into reality.

Eventually he ended up at a 24/7 convenience store a few corners from their dorms. They had other ones closer, ones they were regulars at but he had already come so far, so it only made sense. He mumbled a greeting under his breath, his hoodie engulfing his figure, as he headed towards the snacks section. He momentarily faltered as he passed by the alcoholic drinks, the idea of getting drunk and forgetting about his problems a tad bit too tempting for a moment. But after he’d had way too much makgeolli during Christmas, he hadn't really been keen on revisiting that hungover. It was a stupid idea anyways, he had vocal practice in the morning and what about his pre-debut image?

He grabbed a bag of gummies, some overly sweet candies, chocolate bars and the kimchi flavored chips he had seen in the kitchen before and headed to the checkout area.

“Would you like a bag?” The cashier asked in an all too cheerful voice despite the time nearing 1AM and that there was a textbook open on the counter.

“Yes, please,” Jaehyun muttered, fishing out his worn wallet he had gotten from his father when he had moved out to chase his dreams.

Items were scanned then put into a black plastic bag, card swiped, receipt ignored, it was all monotonous and robotic and Jaehyun was too tired to actually pay attention to anything. He didn’t even notice the heavy rain that started up until he approached the store’s automatically opening door and the wind hit him. Oh, just his luck. As if he needed something to make his day worse.

Jaehyun sighed, bracing himself against the cold and getting soaking wet until he reached the dorm. He could only hope he wouldn’t get a sore throat by tomorrow morning. But before he could have stepped outside, he heard movement behind him and felt gentle taps on his shoulder.

“Here, take it,” you held out a transparent colored umbrella towards him when he turned around and Jaehyun blinked dumbfounded. You had still worn the store’s uniform just like you had done behind the cash register and your voice was just as melodious as before but now that he looked at you properly he couldn’t unsee it: the beauty in your smile and the kindness in your eyes.

It sounded too good to be true to not get rained on and save the poor excuse of treats he bought for the boys to cheer them up from getting wet but he wasn't sure he could accept it from a stranger just like that. Wouldn’t you get in trouble for that? How would you get home in this weather?

“But…”

“We have plenty more left behind. You can bring it back anytime,” you smiled at him brightly like the Sun in the gloomy dark weather that embraced the two of you. Jaehyun was mesmerized then by your sparkling eyes and soft smile. He was sure he stared at you a tad bit long before catching himself.

“Thank you,” he grinned sheepishly as he took the umbrella from you. Your lips curled further up as you stepped back.

“Take care,” you wished like an angel sent from above to make his shitty day better before turning around and going back to the register while humming a mainstream kpop song.

Later when Jaehyun was back in the dorm freshly showered and tucked in his bed, all he could think about was you instead of the self-doubt that had been eating him away. You were like a miracle.

It took Jaehyun an embarrassingly long time to figure out how to take the umbrella back. Not to mention, he was quite protective of the cheap piece, he even shrieked a tiny bit dramatically and made Woonhak swear he would take care of it when he saw the younger mindlessly grab it from by the door on a cloudy day.

Sure, he could have simply taken the umbrella back, given it to you and said thank you again but come on, that was too… anticlimactic. He needed a better excuse to keep talking to you, to hear that cheery voice and see your soft smile.

The perfect opportunity came when he heard Sungho complain about running out of dishwashing liquid and even though they didn’t even share the same dorm and they could have just asked the cleaning lady who visited weekly, Jaehyun took it upon himself to get some. He had no idea about dishwashing things after all. All of them were the same yellow liquid to him and he didn’t really care about degreasing agents or traits for sensitive hands, so it was something he could have asked you about and maybe casually slipping into a conversation about your lives? He had already drafted three lyrics about the different scenarios playing in his head and because he wasn’t the most subtle person ever, Dongmin obviously noticed.

“Do I wanna know?” He quirked an eyebrow knowingly before turning back to the studio's computer at Jaehyun’s sigh.

“It’s nothing,” the elder brushed it off because he might have been shameless and loud about most things, but he wanted to keep you just for himself for a while. So he let out another exaggerated sigh and pointed at the screen. “Let’s go over the track you showed me two days ago, I might have lyrics for it.”

Dongmin hummed and let it slide, but Jaehyun was sure that he couldn’t avoid the confrontation much longer. He hoped that the temporary ignorance meant that the younger knew that he would have never done anything to jeopardize their debut.

He was merely embarrassing himself apparently.

Because the next time he visited the convenience store on a clear sky night with zero chances of rain, he stood at the door of the store, umbrella in one hand, staring dumbfoundedly at the guy playing on his phone behind the counter. No sight of you or your pretty smiles. So he stood there, dumbfounded, gaping like one of Donghyun’s fish, wondering whether he mistook the day you had met but there was absolutely no way he could have, not with the amount of times he thought about it. It was exactly two weeks before, at the same time, at the exact same place. He couldn’t have mistaken it.

“Are you coming in or what?” The cashier looked up, bored and a bit annoyed at this late hour, so Jaehyun tried his best to appear nonchalant despite his heart breaking. He knew he was dramatic but he couldn’t help it, like he even dressed up nicely! And there was no smiley cashier greeting him? No you?

“Yeah,” he coughed, hurrying down one random aisle and spending too much time to find the dishwasher section to grab one bottle without looking at it too much.

The ‘take the umbrella back and talk with you’ mission was a failure but at least Sungho was happy about his surprise purchase, even complimenting him on the nice scent he chose as if Jaehyun would have ever bought cherry blossom ones on purpose.

Jaehyun thought he was doing a fair job of not moping but out of all people it had to be Woonhak who called him out on it. The maknae was surprisingly insightful for his age, unfortunately so.

“Hyung, if it’s still about the last donut I ate last week, we can get some later,” Woonhak nudged his arm while Jaehyun was busy zoning out, trying to come up with a less pathetic idea than camping outside of the convenience store just to bump into you.

“What?” He blinked at the younger, confused.

“You are sighing so much,” Woonhak furrowed his eyebrows, visibly worried. Probably because it wasn’t Jaehyun’s default behavior.

“Oh,” he cleared his throat but then forced himself to process the younger’s previous words. “Wait! Was it you? We are so gonna get those donuts now. You’re paying.”

Woonhak whined, pretending to be annoyed when he was pulled out of his seat, towards the door but he laughed anyway when his pout managed to convince Jaehyun not only to let him choose the flavors but to pay as the older as well. Pretending to be fine mission: success.

Another week passed and Jaehyun was high on energy this time because after his newfound inspiration and determination, all of their hard work seemed to finally pay off: it was officially confirmed that they would debut. At the end of May, their dreams would finally come true. A new life would begin.

If being a trainee getting ready for monthly evaluations was hard, preparing for a debut was twice as tiring. They had photoshoots, video shoots, concept meetings, stage name discussions, album recordings, dance practices with their songs. It was everything Jaehyun had ever wanted and more, it was overwhelming but in a good way, so in the midst of it all, he kind of forgot about the whole umbrella ordeal. He treasured the memory of meeting you and kept it as something to keep him going on bad days.

But of course, it had to be a day when he went out for an evening run (which he hated but Sungho and their choreographer nagged him about to build up stamina), so he was sweaty and panting when he ended up at the store again afraid of dying out of dehydration if he kept going without water. He jogged to the fridges in the back and grabbed the first cold bottle he saw before heading to the checkout area only to freeze a few steps away when he saw you behind the register. Your hair was up this time too, only a few locks falling into your eyes that sparkled like stars in the sky.

“Is everything okay?” you asked in that kind voice that he thought he would only hear in his dreams again and Jaehyun had to remind himself to act normal.

“Uhm, yeah, fine. More than fine actually,” he fumbled with his words and wanted to slap himself for it. Who the hell was more than fine when he was sweating bucks and could barely gulp with how dry his mouth was? He crossed that two meters between you and put the water bottle on the counter, watching you scan the item, more hair falling into your face as they slipped from behind your ears. Jaehyun’s fingers itched to fix it but that would have been creepy and rude as hell so he closed his fingers into fists next to his side.

“Sorry, I forgot to bring back the umbrella,” he muttered sheepishly and you looked back at him with a little confused frown on your forehead, then you chuckled. It was music for the boy’s ears, the prettiest symphony.

“Ah, it’s okay, there’s no rush,” you waved it off and asked if it was everything else before activating the card reader terminal. “You didn’t catch a cold, right?”

“No.”

“Good, then I’m glad I could help,” you smiled like it was normal, like you would have done it for everyone which was sweet but also made Jaehyun’s chest ache.

“I just wasn’t sure it would come off wrong if I gave it to somebody else. So I wanted to make sure it was you but you weren’t here last week when I came, so…” Jaehyun knew that he rumbled but he couldn’t stop. He hoped that you found him more cute than weird though because he wanted to keep your eyes on him a little longer.

“Ah, I switched with Daehyeong because he had an exam earlier that day. I work three night shifts and two afternoon ones usually,” you said, listing the days for each which engraved themselves into Jaehyun’s mind as he took the receipt and the bottle from you.

“I will make sure to bring it back one of these days,” he promised enthusiastically to which you smiled and showed him an okay sign formed from your hand so cute Jaehyun swore he almost melted right then and there. You weren’t even trying and it was cuter than Woonhak’s aegyo!

“Careful!” You called after him when he almost walked into the automatically opening door because he was too busy looking back on you. But then you both laughed, him nervously and embarrassed, you a little bit amused and endeared and suddenly, Jaehyun’s lung having a hard time breathing had nothing to do with running.

Sungho was the first person Jaehyun told about you. He thought about going to Sanghyeok or Donghyun for advice but the eldest was the one he could trust to keep his secret even among them and who had a girlfriend before, so he seemed like the most promising option. Not that Jaehyun was going to ask you out on a date! He knew that would have been stupid of him to do so, especially so close to debut but his thoughts kept gravitating back to you. He just wanted to talk to you and he had no experience with other chromosomes other than his own due to the all boys school he attended and the bunch of dudes he spent his teens with in small practice rooms. Company training lessons on how to charm fans didn’t count as experience, so he needed some advice on how to not embarrass himself in front of you or come off too strong. Who knew Sungho’s advice would be so useless?

“Just be yourself.”

“That’s the most cliché thing you could have told me,” Jaehyun deadpanned with a black look.

“Well, it’s a common advice for a reason,” Sungho crossed his arms in front of his chest which made the other boy sigh. Always so logical, he should have known not to come here. Too much T energy for his F to handle.

“Which part of not embarrassing myself did you not get?”

The older boy rolled his eyes.

“Come on, Jaehyun, you have an excited puppy energy, girls love that.”

Oh no, now Sungho’s voice was soft like when he talked to Woonhak when he got a bad grade on a test he actually studied for. It was time to make a joke out of it.

“Well, I will blame you if I pee myself in excitement when our hands touch,” he snorted before mulling over his own words. “Do you think it would be weird as a lyrics?”

Sungho sighed, unimpressed, and didn’t even hesitate.

“Yes.”

Damn Park Sungho and his stupid advice, Jaehyun didn’t feel more prepared (if at all) when he decided to bring the umbrella back. However, it would have been awkward if he waited too long after your last encounter, so he decided to bite the bullet and just go. You recognized him right away and smiled at him widely. Jaehyun really didn’t understand how you could be so bright all the time when it was so late.

“Thanks,” you bobbed your head when he reached the umbrella over and your fingers brushed his when you took it, sending electricity down Jaehyun’s back.

“I should be the one thanking you,” he said, fidgeting with his fingers in front of himself.

“It really wasn’t anything special,” you tried to reassure him but it made the boy pout.

“Ah, so you would have done this for everybody,” he blurted out, sounding more disappointed than he would have admitted, his heart beating loud in his ears.

“Nah, just the cute ones,” you replied while you put the umbrella behind the counter and Jaehyun was sure he misheard you because what? There’s no way you called him cute.

“What?!” He echoed his thoughts and if he looked closer he would have seen your red ears.

“I said not everybody,” you lied after clearing your throat, avoiding his eyes. Gosh, when did it turn awkward? So the boy tried to salvage the situation.

“I’m Jaehyun by the way,” he spoke up as casually as he could manage and he probably did a good job because you didn’t look weirded out. Not until you introduced yourself and he blurted out that he knew. “I mean, it’s on your name tag,” he explained hastily with a relieved giggle when you laughed it off too.

And it somehow became a habit: Jaehyun came by once or twice a week, buying small things like snacks or drinks and he chatted with you. Nothing special, just a bit about your days (your university classes and his newest story about his roommates that made you smile), snack flavor preference (you liked veggie chips while he preferred barbeque flavor), the weather (you liked clear nights the best because the moon was so pretty) and music (he might have fanboyed a bit too hard when you said you were waiting for Jungkook’s next single to drop because same!). Not to mention that you listening to kpop meant you wouldn’t find his career path offputting, so Jaehyun became a bit more sure that he would tell you about it one of these days.

For a while he thought that his most awkward visit was that one time when Dongmin dragged him to the convenience store for a late night snack and he tried very hard not to make it obvious in front of his group mate that he was crushing on you but failed miserably because when he went to get chopsticks for themselves, you smiled at him and he almost tripped. He thought he managed to recover quickly enough for the other boy to not notice but the younger’s shiteating grin was enough to dash his hopes.

“So she’s your sudden muse, huh?” Dongmin raised a brow teasingly and Jaehyun hissed at him to shut up, an unexpected change in their usual dynamics.

However, his next visit topped the most awkward encounter ever. This time when he went back, there was only silence greeting him instead of your usual cheerfulness and it took the boy no longer than two seconds to realize that it was because you were soundlessly sleeping over the counter next to the cash register.

It certainly didn’t look like the most comfortable position for your back and Jaehyun was sure there was some kind of rule against being asleep on the clock but he couldn’t make himself wake you up. You looked so peaceful and so pretty. Your cheeks rounded as they were squished against the desk, pink lips in a pout, eyelashes fluttering slightly like butterfly wings. Jaehyun was mesmerized, writing a song about your sleeping beauty in his head already.

Then the idyll was broken when the automatic door opened revealing a tired university student and you blinked your eyes open. You probably noticed him creepily staring, so Jaehyun panicked and grabbed the first thing from the display next to him that he could reach and dropped in front of you without looking, trying to act cool while not making you feel bad for taking a nap.

You cleared your throat, straightened your back, looking at him sheepishly with big doe eyes and an apologetic smile which he reciprocated… only for it to drop when his gaze followed yours and settled on the item on the counter between the two of you.

A box of extra large condoms.

Jaehyun never wanted Earth to open up and shallow him more than in that moment, he might have as well just died of embarrassment, but before he could have snatched it back and fumble over his words to try to find a believable excuse how he could grab it instead of for example a pack of chewing gum, you had already scanned it with a forced smile as the professional you were.

The boy’s body acted on its own entity, detached from his currently cursed soul and he paid, leaving the shop with 10000 won shorter and condoms he wasn’t going to use. Like have you seen his chronically single ass? He couldn’t even hold a conversation with a girl he liked, not to mention getting laid. Jaehyun wanted to bang his head into a wall. He didn’t know how he was going to look you into the eyes after this.

To Donghyun’s credit, he at least tried not to laugh when Jaehyun caved and told the younger about his dilemma. If it was Sungho with his ijbolism he would have already been on the floor barely catching his breath. Especially because it was him being himself after his oh so great advice!

“You know you could be just honest. Maybe she will find it cute that you were too distracted by her beauty to check what you were getting,” Donghyun said with a little hum, his mouth curled up in a smile but his attention back on his fish.

“Nope. No way. It might make her uncomfortable,” Jaehyun shook his head, not risking it. He didn’t want to burden you with his feelings when he knew he wasn’t in the position to pursue them even if you gave him a chance.

“Then just tell her it was a prank gift if it comes up,” the younger shrugged and while it sounded like an actual reasonable idea, it still required Jaehyun to discuss the topic with you, so needless to say he concluded that the best thing he could do was to avoid you forever. It wasn’t ideal per se but nor was the timing and dramatic situations called for drastic measures (or something like that).

So he didn’t plan to go back to the convenience store ever but what was he supposed to do when during one of his night runs (he was now torturing himself without Sungho’s prompting too) he saw a quite drunk looking man enter the building? He had to make sure you were okay.

Still, he hoped that his gut feeling was wrong and that he was in for another embarrassing encounter instead of you being cornered by a stranger but when he stepped inside the store only to see you pulled away from the counter as much as you could while the drunkard swung a soju bottle in the air, he knew he made the right call.

“Hey, leave her alone!” Jaehyun raised his voice without thinking it through. He just wanted the dude to get away from you because he looked threatening enough but the moment the man’s attention turned to him, he internally panicked because heck, he had a music video shooting in two days, the makeup artist noonas would kill him if he got punched. Or worse, what if Dispatch finds out that he got into a fight before debut? He would ruin everything. Zico PD would be so disappointed. He was supposed to be the leader after all.

“Stay out of it, kid,” the man slurred and your big doe eyes were on him too, wary and partly relieved. It gave Jaehyun the boost he needed.

“I saw you pocket drinks. I’m calling the police,” he found his voice again enough to bluff seeing the stuffed coat on the other but he was either right or the man was drunk enough not to care.

“Mind your own business,” he muttered but with big bravado he stumbled out of the store, bumping his shoulder into Jaehyun’s most likely on purpose.

“Gosh, thank you so much,” you let out a long breath and finally your tensed shoulders relaxed.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asked, worried because even though you seemed physically okay, it must have been scary. Like even he almost shat himself while trying to assert dominance with eye contact. If Dongmin ever heard about it, he would have surely suggested to him to bark next time with how keen he was on teasing him for his usual puppy-like behavior. But look at him now winning an alpha staredown! He was definitely a wolf!

“Yes, it’s just… he wanted cigarettes too and got angry when I asked him to pay for the drinks first,” you said, still a bit shaken up but much calmer now.

Jaehyun wished he could see your lovely smile again and suddenly his last visit’s embarrassing outcome was the least of his worries. He decided to stick around, so he bought cup noodles and prepared it in the store’s self-catering corner while stealing glances at you. It was a quiet late night like usual, so you didn’t have much to do behind the register but still he was quite taken aback (and his heart started beating like a drum) when you decided to leave your post and sit beside him on one of those plastic chairs.

You talked about sweet little nothings like the passing cherry blossom season, favorite movies, your annoying professors and as cliche as it is, time flew by. You only realized how much when the guy for the next shift arrived. You excused yourself to get changed and grab your things while Jaehyun cleaned up the table where he had his late night meal. When you emerged from the staff room, saying goodbye to the other employee, you seemed a bit surprised to see the boy still there which made him scratch the back of his neck bashfully.

“I will walk you to the bus stop. He might be still out there,” he explained himself and could only hope it didn’t sound as lame as he thought so. It was clearly an excuse but you let him get away with it with an easy smile.

Jaehyun’s heart couldn’t catch a breath as you were walking side by side, arms brushing from time to time, chattering about the constellations above, asking for his zodiac, pointing out stars he could only see reflected in your eyes. He had never been so enamored by anybody and he wished to keep this feeling forever fluttering in his chest.

“Are you okay?” Your voice pulled him out of his thoughts which made him stumble upon his words.

“Uh, yeah, sure,” he smiled, not wanting to worry you, swinging his intertwined finger behind him because he didn’t know what to do with them. He had to keep himself occupied otherwise he would have done something stupid like reaching out to hold your hand with the excuse of dark, late night.

Your bus came just on time and for once, Jaehyun would have liked for it to be late because he could have listened to you talk about the sagittarius constellation until dusk but he didn’t want to keep you up either and the reasonable part of his brain also knew that he would regret staying up so late.

“Thank you again for earlier. And for keeping me company. I had fun,” you smiled at him, waving him goodbye which he could only reciprocate, starstruck.

The debut date was on the corner and with that, all of them got even busier, not to mention, the six boys crammed in a small place were supposed to move dorms too. Jaehyun should have been happy and don’t get him wrong, he was! This was what he had been waiting for, why he spent years in smelly training rooms until his muscles ached. This was what he wanted but a part of him couldn’t move past the fact that moving meant that your workplace wouldn’t be in the vicinity anymore, so he told himself that it was now or never. He would tell you about his well-kept secret and hope for the best. For what exactly he wasn’t sure but still.

He went back to the convenience store at the usual time since he had known your schedule by heart by then and there was no way he would have forgotten. But when he walked inside the store with his signature smile, you were nowhere to be found. There was another girl with bright dyed hair behind the counter flipping a magazine.

“Sorry, did Y/N change her schedule?” Jaehyun found himself asking, this time knowing better than to succumb to moping without questioning first.

“Oh, she resigned, wants to focus on studying more,” the girl replied after popping out the chewing gum in her mouth. Then after a pause, she asked: “Are you Jaehyun?”

The boy was taken aback. Knowing that you had told your coworker about him turned his ears red as he nodded slowly.

“She said to give you this if you come around,” the cashier said and handed over a familiar transparent umbrella with a pink post-it note saying ‘monsoon season is coming. take care :)’ and while it was sweet and maybe it was for the better this way with his debut on the corner, Jaehyun had no idea a heart could be broken so gently.

4.5 YEARS AFTER DEBUT

The crisp of cold pinched Jaehyun’s cheeks as he exited the black van immediately blinded by the flash of cameras. He bowed and smiled towards the fans, waving and posing until a hand on his back reminded him to move forward.

Inside the broadcasting station there was a different kind of chaos: staff members running around, makeup artists touching up his face, professional cameras set up around, his manager reminding him to promote the upcoming concert as if he could forget. They sold out the Olympic Stadium after all, Jaehyun was still giddy (and nervous and awestruck) about the fact.

He greeted the veteran host of the radio show with a practiced, professional smile. He had gotten used to solo schedules early thanks to his MCountdown MC days, so he didn’t find it as nerve wracking as others did. He still remembered seeing the ever so (seemingly) all cool and aloof Dongmin shake with nerves before he left for his first meeting as a producer. These days, with their group’s reputation secured after hits that won Song of the Year awards dusting on their company’s shelf, they had more of these solo jobs, each of them doing their own thing: Sungho trying out acting, Sanghyuk choreographing for rookies and helping trainees, Dongmin writing songs for names even bigger than theirs, Donghyun narrating a wildlife documentary series, Woonhak having his own show while Jaehyun was busy with variety shows. Just to list a few of the things they were doing between comebacks and group schedules. Fans and the general public loved them, Jaehyun for example was dubbed as the nation's puppy boyfriend after he was deemed very boyfriend material on a Running Man episode simply for being more considerate than competitive.

It was exactly how the radio show host introduced him as too right after the greeting segment of the morning radio broadcast.

“Jaehyun-ssi, it’s so nice to have you here,” the woman turned to him and the idol grinned, boyish charm still clear on his face.

“The pleasure’s all mine.”

“Oh, I heard you would be a sweet talker,” the lady chuckled and Jaehyun joined in, used to the Butter Myung allegations since his own members liked to call him out on it too. It had become a thing early on.

“Only for noona… and Onedoors,” he winked into the camera because it came easy and because the reactions were good. The host seemed to enjoy his presence as well or was just as professional at her job as he was. They talked a bit in general about the day’s topic a bit and Jaehyun answered a few viewer’s questions in-between played songs. He talked about preparing for the Stadium concert and an upcoming album as well as what he had been up to lately.

“So tell us about the OST you wrote for MBC’s new hit drama. It’s been charting high ever since its release, right?” The lady grabbed this chance to inquire about In every lifetime, it’s you.

Jaehyun wasn't the first one who had a solo OST deal (it was Sungho for one of the first dramas he acted in as a support character) but he was the first one who was involved in the production, even allowed to write the lyrics in the concept of first love. The idol’s fingers twitched in his lap with the urge to scratch the back of his neck as he thought back on the dozen songs he had written about you and then kept in a hidden folder on his computer because they all sounded too real, too close to what he felt. Pouring his feelings into an OST for a drama was different because there was less promotion period if any and it was less unlikely that his members called him out on his sappiness every time they had to perform it. So he talked about the production, how quick it went and how taken aback he was by the immensely positive response.

“Is it inspired by real events? Based on your own first love perhaps?” The host inquired, curious, and Jaehyun could already tell that it will be the most rewatched part of the show. They weren’t rookies anymore, they could talk about things like it, past crushes or even exes. Sure, some might get upset but most fans moved on quickly and such things couldn’t ruin their career anymore.

“You can say so, but my first love was just a one sided crush. She gave me an umbrella on a rainy day, that inspired the song. I still have it, although the second time I got it as a goodbye,” Jaehyun admitted with a nostalgic smile, hoping that it would be enough to satisfy the host’s curiosity. If not, he had the perfect comeback. “My second love for Onedoor remains strong to this day though and I hope it’s mutual.”

“Ah, Jaehyun-ssi, I’m sure it is,” the lady chuckled and added a few words about the drama itself before playing the OST itself. It started with the sound of rain and it made the boy smile because as the lyrics unfolded, the instrumental became livelier and happier too like a rainbow after a sudden storm. Just how your smile and kindness had turned his awful day not so bad.

A few more fan questions were answered, Jaehyun thanked them for their continuous support and mentioned seeing them at the upcoming concert. All went well and Jaehyun felt giddy as he exited the venue like always when he could interact with fans.

He had no idea that on the other side of the city you were listening to the radio show, fingers freezing over the keyboard.

Their schedules were usually tight but Jaehyun enjoyed the buzz of it all. Sure, he liked to laze around in bed but there was nothing like being booked and busy because it really showed just how far they had come. There were times when they were exhausted but after being in the industry for a while they learned how to recognize the signs of burnout or being overwhelmed and they were lucky enough to have Zico PD-nim on their side. Their hyung might have been serious about music but he prioritized their health over profit enough to stand by them against shareholders who were in it for the money and not the music. He also reminded them to just have fun… within reasonable limits. Being an idol wasn’t sunshine and rainbows, there was dieting, being followed by Dispatch and sasaengs breaking into their hotel rooms or mobbing them at the airport. But at those times Jaehyun reminded himself that he had his best friends with him and they were doing what they loved. What more could he ask for?

So Jaehyun didn’t complain even if he spent long hours at the studio yesterday night but had to wake up at the crack of dawn to make it to the filming studio for their new MAC lipstick ad. Four hours of individual and group shots but at least they only had one set of clothes this time, an elegant black and white suit and tie combo for all of them. Jaehyun teased Woonhak about looking like a real adult now as if he hadn’t seen a boy in a similar attire three weeks ago at an award ceremony. But their maknae was way too cute when he pouted, so he couldn’t miss this chance.

“We’re starting off with the group shots. Are all of you ready?” An employee from the filming crew came up to them and the group members nodded, following him to the set with black background.

Once they took their place and turned around, they bowed to the staff: cameramen, photographer, stylists who would touch their makeup up, concept director, marketing and PR people from MAC next to their manager. For a moment – a moment too long – Jaehyun’s gaze got stuck on a figure on her phone, hair up with claw clips, voice like happy little chimes at Christmas, a vaguely familiar sound that knocked the air out of his chest.

“Jaehyun?” Sungho hissed, nudging him in the side when the silence stretched too far and everybody looked at them expectedly. Jaehyun cleared his throat.

“Who’s there? Boynextdoor! Hello, we’re Boynextdoor, please take care of us,” he bowed again and the others followed his lead like always. No matter how much they (especially Dongmin) teased him, they always followed him with unconditional trust. Jaehyun loved them like brothers.

The leader was out of it now though, so he had to blink to regain focus. It wasn’t the first time he imagined seeing you again. He had imagined (and written out) a bunch of different scenarios how it would play out but nothing ever happened. Korea wasn’t a small country after all, hell even Seoul was too big to just stumble upon you. He needed to get it together.

The photoshoot started with the group shots and Jaehyun managed to collect himself enough to follow instructions and channel through his inner model that he developed over the years. The photographer seemed satisfied with their work as well because everything went smoothly and they didn’t have to do many retakes. Once it was done, the individual shots followed. They played rock, paper, scissors (the ultimate solution for everything) earlier to decide the order and since Sanghyuk won, he was the first one to go. This way, once he was gone he could have done anything he wanted – sleep, play, hold a live, whatever – until the others were on.

Jaehyun was the third, which wasn’t bad but wasn’t really good either. He didn’t have enough time for a nap but he had more time to kill than just to wait around, so he decided to get drinks from the food support trucks their fan clubs had sent for their schedule. He asked the others if they wanted anything before taking off. First, he took pictures with the trucks to upload to social media later then got an iced americano for himself and another for Woonhak as if the youngest didn’t have enough energy without the caffeine.

Going back to the building, he literally tripped when he saw you.

Again. And this time there was no mistaking, no questions about it. It wasn’t a hallucination. It was you right then and right there, in front of him, talking with another staff member animatedly. After all these years you still looked like you were in his returning daydreams: all kind smiles and refreshing aura. Except that this wasn’t a dream. You might have lost the baby fat in your cheeks and your hair might have gotten longer, your smile was still dimpled. Instead of the convenience store uniform you had worn over your casual jeans-tee combo back then, now you dressed business casual and it was funny, really, because he went from sweatpants and hoodies to suit and tie as well. At least for now.

It was Woonhak who pulled him out of his reverie, waving a hand in front of his face before taking his coffee. (Luckily years of dance practices gave Jaehyun a good enough balance to upright himself before spilling coffee all over the ground and himself.)

“Hyung, come on… be at least a bit more subtle,” the boy sighed, rolling his eyes as if saying he couldn’t believe that Jaehyun was older than him and still acted like this. However, the leader couldn’t care less about the fact that he was acting embarrassing or not. He tugged on Woonhak’s jacket while still staring at you.

“It’s her,” he whispered as if he wasn’t already terribly obvious while the younger one was casually sipping on his drink.

“Huh?”

“The umbrella girl,” Jaehyun clarified, which made the youngest’s eyes turn into big saucers before turning towards you.

More or less, the group knew about you and about Jaehyun’s hopeless crush. It was hard not to with how treasured that umbrella was that he always carried with himself as a lucky charm or how many songs he had written with you in his thoughts.

No wonder Woonhak started slapping him on the shoulder out of excitement but he did his best at not saying anything out loud which in itself was already a relief. Him shuffling towards the others to relay the news or Jaehyun tapping his feet out of nervousness before his turn not so much. The thought of you watching him work made him super aware of every tiny detail and he wanted it to be perfect. He wanted you to see him and remember and see how far he had come. But he never caught you watching in-between takes when he could look away from the camera. You were either on the phone or talking with somebody.

Little did he know that you looked whenever he looked away.

He couldn’t find you after the shooting was done. Actually the entire MAC staff seemed to leave early but it still felt unfair. Having seen you and you slipping through his fingers again drove Jaehyun crazy. Especially because the photos came out well. He looked good enough to impress. It was such a wasted chance.

Should he send flowers to your workplace? Would that be too much? Too random?

There he was back with his overthinking and moping.

However, the next day, his phone buzzed with a message from their manager saying that he can’t pick them up to take them to the studio because he has to swing by at the MAC headquarters for some promotional products and the idol immediately perked up because wait! That was your workplace!

“Guys, guys, guys!” He shrieked, jumping up on his feet, startling Sanghyuk who was dozing off next to him on the couch. “I think I just got a sign from the universe telling me to go for it.”

With their individual activities and single rooms in their newest dorm, it was a rare occurrence that all of them were together but most of them still hung out in shared spaces like the living room when they had nothing to do. That was how Jaehyun got Sanghyuk and Dongmin there to witness his reaction and he pushed his phone into their faces. Luckily the guys looked interested enough in his sudden love life to listen to his ramble whether it had been weird if he went too and what he should have done if you weren’t there despite all his efforts. Oh gosh, maybe he shouldn’t go after all, because what if you were there? He could make a fool of himself.

“Jeez, hyung, and regret it for years again? You are not a trainee anymore with an uncertain future. You are one of the biggest names of our generation,” Dongmin huffed, then after a short pause and a bite of his snack, he added: “By the way I will deny it if anyone asks if I said that.”

It didn’t tamper Jaehyun’s hyped up mood though because that was true, things were really different from what they had been like five years ago.

“Thanks, Dongmin-ah, you are right,” he nodded to himself with his eyes lit up. He scrambled to get up from the couch quickly. He needed to decide on his outfit! He couldn’t go to MAC looking the same way (comfort over fashion) as he planned to lock himself into his studio.

“I’m always right,” Dongmin mumbled under his nose just as Jaehyun disappeared into his room after he shot a casual enough ‘can i tag along?’ message to their manager. Even if the man was surprised about his sudden interest in marketing procedures, he didn’t protest, just told him the time to be ready by if he wanted to come along.

Once they arrived at the office building and their manager was busy with paperwork and the gift bags, Jaehyun tried to hold himself back but even he was aware that he was perching over cubicle walls like an eager puppy waiting for its owner to take him out on a walk. He heard whispers following him, some employees asking another if it was The Myung Jaehyun or they were just seeing things. Jaehyun smiled at them with his most charming smile instead of confirming with words.

Was it considered stalking? He was just at your workplace and it wasn't without reason, so it wouldn’t have been a lie either if you asked about it. Jeez, why was he so nervous? He had performed in front of thousands and was used to live TV appearances. Worst case scenario you didn’t remember him and he only embarrassed himself in front of you which wouldn’t have been the first time nor the second. He could do it!

Jaehyun was in the middle of giving himself a pep talk when he saw a woman he had seen you talk to at the shooting and he did his best to subtly follow her to the print room.

“Excuse me…”

“Oh, Jaehyun-ssi, what are you doing here?” The woman blinked in surprise when she recognized him and the idol had no choice but to use his smoldering smile that often managed to get people to do exactly how he wanted. As casually as he could to not get follow-up questions, he asked if you were still in the office at which the lady furrowed her brows, asking back to confirm that she heard your name correctly.

“She just left actually. I saw her by the elevators a minute ago. You might catch up to her if it’s really urgent or I can try to help if–”

“Thank you, you’ve been a great help already!” Jaehyun cut her off as politely as he could with a bow before bolting towards the elevators in a totally idol-like sprint. Maybe he should have participated in the running category for the next ISAC.

It was déjà vu really, but only when the automatic doors of the office building opened did he notice that it had started snowing while he was inside. The scenery was breathtaking with petal-like snowflakes dressing the night cityscape whiter. Or was breathing difficult because of his heart beating too fast in his chest? He couldn't have missed you again, right?

Frantic, he looked around in the square in front of the building, looking for your figure while snow was slowly accessorizing his dark hair in big, fluffy flakes and the cold bit into his cheeks. He slid his reddened hands into his pockets because he forgot his gloves, not expecting snow that day.

“Do you still not bring an umbrella with you?” A familiar yet new, sweet voice asked him, amused and Jaehyun blinked the snow out of his eyes to focus on you.

Your cheeks were flushed from the cold, the bottom of your face hidden behind your fluffy scarf but he could tell from your eyes that you were smiling as you held an umbrella over both of you.

So you remembered! Jaehyun could barely contain his relieved giggle.

“It’s been a while,” he noted instead, not wanting to miss the chance or seeming weird by just staring at you in awe. Gosh, you were so cute. How could you have gotten cuter with age?

“Yeah,” you nodded but didn’t elaborate and Jaehyun couldn’t leave it like that, he couldn’t let it turn awkward.

“Have you been well?” He asked and heck, it was so cliché, so much like small talk between strangers, but he was actually interested in what you had been up to all these years. You didn’t seem to mind, not with the corner of your mouth curling into one of the smiles he loved on you.

It turned out that you managed to graduate with flying colors and eventually get a job as a marketing assistant at MAC which you liked after some not too good experience in the beauty industry. He was happy for you because you deserved only the best. He was also selfish and he wanted more time with you, more privately, so he wouldn’t have those regrets Dongmin mentioned burdening him for not even trying.

“Do you want to, I don’t know, get a coffee? Tea? Dinner?” He found himself asking hastily and gosh, he was a stuttering mess. So much about his cool idol image. Not that you hadn’t seen him at worse but still, it was a new chance to impress you and he was failing terribly.

And maybe he messed up everything because you went awfully quiet at his question, your hand gripping tighter on the umbrella’s handle as you cast your eyes down. Jaehyun prepared himself for rejection even before the words left your mouth.

“I don’t think that’s a wise idea,” you mumbled and he gulped.

Of course it wasn’t.

“Right,” he nodded, a forced, polite smile tight on his lips even though he could practically feel his heart shattering into small pieces all over again.

He knew dating an idol wasn’t ideal, it could be daunting or heck, you might have a boyfriend already. Maybe meeting him made you uncomfortable because you didn’t keep the memories so fondly of him as he did about you.

“But it was nice seeing you again,” you added a bit belatedly and apologetically, turning to leave, to leave him stranded alone in the snowfall. At least it would make another beautiful, tragic love song, Jaehyun thought with his cold lips wobbling.

He let out a quiet sigh or so he thought but you must have heard him because then you stopped on your tracks, stilling, becoming a part of the picturesque view for a long moment before looking back, calling his name.

“Jaehyun… That song about the rain,” you started, quiet and unsure, and the singer could feel his heart’s loud thuds echo in his ears. He held his breath back, waiting for another stab in the heart. “It wasn’t a one sided crush.”

Jaehyun stopped breathing altogether. What?

He must have misheard you, there was no way you said that. It should have been the part where you told him not to write about you because it made you feel uncomfortable.

“You mean you did… That you… You too?” Jaehyun tripped all over his words. Really, for somebody who had songwriting credits on the majority of their award winning hits, it was a new low. He couldn’t even pierce together a sentence.

You closed your eyes for a bit as if to brace yourself before looking him in the eye again and Jaehyun felt the world resume spinning when you nodded. Yet, it only made him even more confused.

“Then… why?” He blurted out and you looked so confused at his question, he had to clarify. “Why isn’t it a good idea?”

A coffee, a tea, a dinner… A date or however you wanted to call it. At his straightforward question though, you looked more flustered than ever.

“I… I don’t know. Shouldn’t you know better? Don’t you have a dating ban or something?” You asked, blinking rapidly, cheeks redder than before and Jaehyun would have liked to think that it was because you blushed and not because of the cold. Especially because it was you who brought up dating!

“Oh, that. No, we don’t have a dating ban,” he cleared his throat, trying to play it off cool but a quiet chuckle still slipped past his lips.

One of the advantages of having an idol as your boss was that he knew exactly what it was like to be in their shoes. Zico himself told them that even with the ban they had found ways to make it work in secret, the risk of getting caught twice as big, so he didn’t want to impose such rules on them. He didn’t encourage it, telling them how unwise it was but still, the company couldn't have done much about it. But they all knew the risk and they were as busy as it got, not really having time for relationships anyway, so Jaehyun didn’t have to worry about it before. Not until you came back into his life.

“So? What do you say about that dinner?” He asked again, hopeful, practically feeling the awkwardness melt around you when you let out a chuckle as melodic as he remembered.

“I could eat,” you admitted and Jaehyun beamed at you, his eyes turning into crescents.

It would have been a perfect moment, a dream coming true, framed by snowflakes gliding in the air… except that his phone started buzzing with a call in his pocket at that moment and the singer swore under his breath when he saw his manager’s contact information on the screen. His disappearance surely got discovered.

“Hey, hyung, something came up, so I left early, but don’t worry, everything’s okay. More than okay actually,” he quickly took the call and ended it immediately, not giving the man a chance to ask questions but hopefully not giving him a heart attack either. Then he turned to you with a wide smile. “Let’s go.”

You chuckled as the two of you synced your steps, walking into a random direction without any concrete destination plans. You even let him take the umbrella from your hand and hold it above your duo himself, your smile shy but genuine when your fingers brushed.

Jaehyun knew that this evening would make an even better love song than the last one.

#stories #boynextdoor x reader #bnd fluff #boynextdoor fluff #bnd x reader #myung jaehyun x reader #myung jaehyun fluff

202 notes · View notes

gothic-thoughts · 4 months ago

Text

Getting Through To You

Michael Myers x Black Fem Reader Fluff

Second Meeting, Nurse!Reader, AsylumPatient!Michael

Part 1: Right Here

Part 3: Right Here

CW: trying to get to know Michael, a little angsty at the end

TW: strangling (not you lol), violence mentioned

Word Count: 1442 (give or take)

The next day, the guards guide me to his room again, unlocking it and letting me in. Even though he seemed to like me yesterday, I, of course, was still afraid, tightly holding my clipboard.

“H-hey Michael...”

Michael was sitting on his bed, watching me enter, eyes drifting back to the door as it slowly closed behind me. Hoping he still felt the same about me as he did the other day, I wave at him sheepishly.

“Remember me from yesterday...?”

In silence, he just continues to watch me for a few more seconds before abruptly standing to which I gasp in surprise and quickly jump back. Michael makes his way over and I stand as still as I can, trying to show no fear since our fairly tame interaction yesterday but the weight of his intensity eventually squashes my courage and I end up backing away.

“U-uh...” I wave again, “Hi... I-I don't think I told you my name yesterday.”

He kept following me as I backed up, towering over me with his bulky frame until my back was flush with the wall backing me up against the wall.

“I'm (Y/n).”

He pauses, hair dangling to the side when he cocks his head.

“Y-yeah, (Y/n)...”

He slowly leans down a little closer to my height, but his intensity makes my skin crawl and my breathing halt.

“So how are you feeling today?”

Ugh, no answer. Maybe I’m not getting through to him? I start checking boxes and writing on my paper, the sound of the pen dancing along the clipboard loud in the dark, quiet room. He slowly lifts one of his large hands and with a surprising amount of carefulness, he grabs the top of the clipboard and slowly leans it back to peek. My shoulders relax at the curious gesture.

“Oh, I'm just writing how you feel.” I smile hopefully, “Cuz I gotta ask you some questions, is that... okay?”

The killer nods slightly.

“It’s only a couple. Can you, uh... Can you back up a little bit?”

He lets go of my board and takes a few heavy steps back, finally giving me the space I need to breathe properly.

“Uh... when’s the last time you, uh... had a violent urge...?”

Dead-air. I know he likes me and I know he definitely understands me. Maybe he’s just mute...?

“Hm, you really don't talk, do you?”

Silence. I roll my eyes. What the fuck. Yet another thing my boss left out, got me asking a mute man questions. Ugh. Hearing his knuckles crack, I look up at him to see his eyes narrowed behind the eyeholes of his mask, the sight making my eyeholes widen in realization. I quickly backtrack as I reach out to touch his fist, a weak attempt at keeping it down.

“No, no! I wasn’t rolling my eyes at you!”

His eyes remain the same as his head tilted again.

“I was just mad that nobody told me you didn’t talk, that’s all. I don’t mind if you don’t talk but I wouldn’t be asking you questions if I knew that you...wouldn’t really answer them. Or rather...”

My boss told me not to come back unless the paper was filled out so I went with the first idea that popped into my head: just ask him yes or no questions. Might take a little bit longer if I get no’s but there’s no talking required. It’s the best chance I got.

“Okay, can we try something else?” I think for a second before tensing at the only question that appeared, “I-I heard about the nurse before... is it true you didn't like her?”

His eyes seem to get darker, his entire unit of a body tensing as his breathing becomes heavier, causing me to pull my hand back from his still-clenched fist. Guess that answers that question.

“Okay, okay... Easy...” My hands go up in surrender, “I... I'm not mad, not judging, just asking, remember?”

The tension in the room halts when his heavy breaths stop, the area now silent as if he were holding his breath. The killer’s shoulders lower slowly and his fists open at his sides, getting a soft sigh of relief out of me.

“Yeah, there you go. That's it.”

His blue, dead eyes behind the mask finally drift away from me as he shuffles over to his wall of homemade papier-mâché masks. He slowly reaches up and touches one of them, petting it lightly and seeming to calm down even further.

“Did you make those?”

He pulls down one of the masks and holds it as he slowly nods his head.

“They look...nice... You made them for Halloween..?”

Another wordless nod.

“Oh, well they’re really nice. Can I... keep asking questions?”

Another nod.

“Alright... do you like your new nurse...?”

He goes still. His head slowly tilts down to look at the mask in his hand before his eyes suddenly snap back up to me. Oh great. He drops the mask and steps over it to get closer but I jump back with a shriek, hoping the guards heard and took it as a sign of potential danger.

“Guess that's a no... B-but what did I do?” I keep backing away, crossing his room in the other direction, “Is there something you don't like about me...?”

Michael suddenly grabs my arm in his strong grip, making me scream again and flinch, this time the sound getting the guard's attention enough to call out for Michael, but the killer uncaringly lowers his head until our eyes meet. He slowly raises his right hand and uses a couple of fingers to pet my corresponding cheek— with the same amount of care he used with his mask.

“Y-you don't like my face...?”

Michael keeps moving his hands gently, the rough, dangerous fingers tracing my skin delicately like he doesn't want to break it, the gesture somehow calming my heart rate.

“You... like my face...? God, I never seen you so... like this...”

I slowly raised my hand, making sure he was following my movements as touched the back of the hand he was petting me with. Michael doesn’t stop me, instead stilling his hand to allow me to feel his cold skin. He almost felt dead, giving me a chill but I compose myself as I look at his orange mask in more depth, appreciating how much long it must’ve taken to make it, hell how long it must’ve taken to make all of them.

“Aw Michael, you're freezing.”

He doesn't respond to my comment but he huffs behind the mask as his shoulders relax.

“How... how many people have got this close to you.... a-and lived...?”

Michael tilts his head, supposedly thinking for a moment before he realigns his head and lifts his free hand, holding up two fingers before my face. I gasp in shock. This is the most he’s spoken— or well, opened up, I guess. Nodding, I pull my hand from his but without warning, he grabs my wrist in a firm but gentle grip, stopping me, but not hurting me. My heart clenches and beats a little faster as I put my hand back, his breathing once again becoming undetectable.

I look up at his mask, slowly lifting my other hand and touching his shaggy, dreaded hair, my fingers running getting caught in the thick, brown strands that messily clung together. He watches me silently the whole time so I give him a small smile as I become more and more soothed by his presence. The guards suddenly bang on the door as they bust in, startling me out of the moment.

I drop my clipboard and jump away from Michael with a sharp gasp as my body goes back into flight mode. Why are they in here? What did he do? It couldn’t have been from when I screamed earlier, that was like forever ago! We were finally bonding! Or was he about to do something and I didn’t see it?

Before another question could cross my mind, Michael stomps over to the two guards, his tall form immediately dwarfing them as he grabs them both by the throat, crushing their windpipes as they choke and kick for air. I stare in horror, wondering how and why I ever let myself get so close to that monster. They could’ve been me. I contemplated calling out for him but I didn’t wanna be next so as more guards rushed in to try their best to subdue him, I ran out of the room as the sound of crackling electricity and pained screams rang out in the hallway.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After the incident, I was given a little over a week of vacation to cope and work through any trauma I got from seeing Michael attack for the first time.

Except I didn’t really have any trauma, I was just... scared. Terrified, really. I guess I’m just glad it wasn’t aimed towards me... He seemed like he went out of his way to make sure he attacked the guards.

I mean I was standing right there, and I was touching his hair! He had all the chances to attack, but he didn’t.

Hell he didn’t even push me out the way when he stalked over to the guards, he stepped around me. Maybe it was the noise.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(a/n): This gonna be a mini saga, part 3 coming out soon 😁😁

#black reader #black writers #x black reader #x black fem reader #black fem reader #rz myers x reader #rz michael myers #rz halloween #spooky season #spooky month #halloween #michael myers x reader #michael myers x you #michael myers x y/n #october

252 notes · View notes

1920sladydectective · 2 months ago

Text

Best Friend's Mother Ch.3 6.8K

This is part three of the story inspired by @shinyshayminflower

It was gonna be the final part, but it's looking like there's at least another chapter or two to come

Angsty, Sad, just loads of stuff. Tiny bit of Smut MDNI 18+

Link to the whole fic on AO3 here lovelies, or you can scroll down my acc to find it here

Thank you @uselessbard1031 for being the best story sounding board

HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOO

The cold light of day revealed more than you could stomach.

You hated yourself, hated her, hated everything you had ever stood for and accepted and wanted in that stupid house.

Mel’s film came back a few days after you’d settled back into your flat, the Kodak Gold showing the pathetic rose tinted glasses that covered you for July and August. It was picturesque, toes in sand and melting Mr Whippys. Smooshed faces and a pissed off Mina. She showed them off, with a happy voice and gesticulating hands. It felt sort of like she was trying to cheer you up.

You’d been in a ‘funk’ since you got back and it was being chalked up to your immediately heavy workload.

That was it. Too much reading, four new essays and some new bullshit about work experience. Not the crushing void in your heart, not the breakup that was barely there, that existed for you and you alone.

Ambessa Medarda was a black hole, alluring in her violence, beautiful in her consumption and you were mere space dust. That she had made abundantly clear.

It kept you up at night, embarrassment curdled in you like milk. Body in tatters trying to keep your mind in check.

I’ll ring you when I’m back

Whyever would you need to do that

You fucking idiot.

Her stupid, soft pyjamas kept her grip on you, your phone’s fancy screen shining like her eyes. She was everywhere and you couldn’t tell anyone.

You were the living dead, cursed to be unloved and used forever. You never thought of yourself as dramatic before, preferring humour and dismissiveness, but the gaping wound in you cried for attention. Cried to be acknowledged and picked at, a scar in the making, as each little flicker of healing was ripped off again and again.

Six weeks later you still felt like a lovesick puppy. University and your job made time sparse and relaxation sparser still, but somehow the sadness lingered. You’d been grieving it for nearly as long as it had happened, some weird crossroads where it felt inappropriate to be sad. It was a summer fling, how many had existed since the dawn of time and yet it dug into you like an elusive splinter.

Mel was another issue entirely. Warm and tender, trying to prop you up when you stopped eating or didn’t keep up with the laundry. Part of you wanted to scream and cry. I’m not who you think I am, your mind shouted, I’m awful and you should hate me like I hate myself.

Then you’d eat a sausage roll, she’d send you a shitpost and you’d cry in the shower. Selfish as it was, you couldn’t lose both Medardas.

Sometimes you thought you saw her name pop up on your phone, you’d look each time like a baby falling for a game of peekaboo. Nothing. The last message made your lungs tense every single time.

Bacon Crunchy or No?

Crunchy, but still soft.

Demanding x

That breakfast in bed was the most revisited memory, probably spurred on by how many times you’d read those texts. You wouldn’t eat bacon anymore, flicked it out of your meal deal BLT before realising how counterproductive you’d made your sandwich. Wet mayonnaise and lettuce with half a tomato slice. What a sad life. Your cheeks were damp again and it was hard to breathe.

At some point enough was enough. You were a twenty three year old mooning over a woman over twenty five years your senior. You had a life, you had friends and a dad who called you sometimes. She was not the sun, you did not revolve around her.

That lasted for about a week, until Mel mentioned going back briefly for her Mum’s birthday. November 9th. You hadn’t known that, wished you still didn’t. Somehow you were in a shopping centre helping her search for a gift. Budget was extensive and so was Mel’s ability to shop.

What would be a good gift for Ambessa? Rat poison perhaps?

You saw it or maybe it saw you. Gold, each chain link tiny, making it look almost like falling sunlight. One large crimson ruby hung at the end, metal criss crossing over it in a pretty setting. It would fit almost every outfit she wore. It matched her favourite earrings. It was unique, like her and she didn’t deserve it.

“That seems perfect,” Your voice croaked, pointing towards the glass cabinet.

Mel agreed because well, it just was. You lived, slowly and painfully, Rowan Atkinson’s scene from Love Actually. This was your punishment, your karma for your indecisiveness and deceit. Leaving Selfridges (dissociated and bankrupt from a bagel) you allowed yourself to be talked at. That seemed to be happening a lot these days, more sounding board and less person. That seemed to be what you’d lost, your personness, stuck in silk sheets in Surrey. There was no recon mission to be had either, the invitation for birthday celebrations blissfully, brutally not extended to you.

You heard all about it though, obviously. You weren’t that lucky. Mel and Kino had organised a party, she had pretended to be ever so surprised and you had received fourteen drunk videos at three am. The house was different to how you’d ever seen it, twinkling lights and darker furnishings to herald the stormy winter approaching. Kino was doing the CanCan, offscreen choked laughter making your heart hurt. Each video devolved to make less sense, snapshots of the living room, pretty decoration and discarded champagne. The last one made your world spin, bile eating your throat.

It was Ambessa, glassy eyed with shimmering makeup and bouncy curls, grinning at the camera with a cupcake in hand. Sitting pretty, as perfect as you’d imagined, was the necklace.

“How’s your party been, Mum?” Mel’s hiccupped voice.

“Perfect, Darling,” Ambessa muttered, an easy smile growing.

“And your gift?”

“Also perfect, Little wolf,” Her fingers stroked it instinctively, feeling along the ruby.

“Say thank you to the camera then,” Mel says, impatient and swaying slightly, “She’s the one who helped me find it,”

The shift was slight, you only noticed because you were looking, her face draining of some joy.

Tone coy and light she stared directly at the screen, “Ah I see, when you said one of your friends, I didn’t realise you meant her! Who knew she knew me so well?” a criminally long pause, “Thank you, Sweet Girl,”

The footage stopped, her smirk immortalised.

You hated her. Vile, vindictive little bitch. You burned all but one of your pyjamas sets in the garden, mesmerised by the flames as if their heat could cleanse you. Charred linen smelt like shit and you dumped it in the bin before it became a problem for the neighbours. Lip chewed raw, you curled onto the dining chair you had occupied half an hour ago, looking down at your traitorous phone

Your text response was calmer after that.

Nice, cute party! Drink some water babe xox

I kissed Jayce

Oh?

And Viktor

Can you call?

It’s 4am Mel.

Yes

The shrill thrum of Facetime rang throughout your kitchen, ear twitching slightly as you answered.

“Thank fuck,” Mel sounded both stressed and excited, “This party has been so weird I wish you were here,”

You didn’t. “Weird cause you tongued your two closest friends? Or weird some other way?”

“Don’t say tongued it’s vile,” She was clearly stumbling down the corridor to her bedroom, “And both, I guess? It’s a long story”

“Babble away then, babe,” You’d missed this, missed her.

It actually wasn’t that long at all, content wise, Mel was just so drunk she restarted five thousand times. Jayce and Viktor were together, this you knew. Mel would sometimes kiss them both, occasionally more, and she didn’t know what to feel; this was new. Having a conversation about emotional intimacy versus physical with her when she was drunk and your last fuck had been her mother was like a stupid game of Monoply. It took forever, not much was accomplished and she ended up falling asleep just as you were getting to the good bit.

“Mum’s also been weird,” It was slurred, hair spraying on the pillow, “Nostalgic or something,”

“Nostalgic?” You didn’t want to talk about her, you didn’t.

“I dunno, think she missed me and Kino,” She coughed, “She’s been more quiet,”

Quiet. Of course. She didn’t seem quiet when she threw your pet name in your face, but hey what did you know? Follow up questions were useless, Mel’s snores crackling through the phone.

“Are you sleeping, Little wolf?”

You were going to throw up, twitching hands launching your phone across the table. Mel’s phone echoed the crashing, drawing Ambessa’s attention. Picking the phone from her daughter’s fingers, she raised a quizzical and then uncertain brow.

“Night Mel,” You whispered, slamming the end call button. The last noise from her end was that voice calling out your name.

You didn’t sleep, your only remaining pair of pyjamas mocking you from the laundry basket.

It washed over you like the tides, again and again, each time inching closer to consuming you. So much energy had been expended to move past this, but you crumbled like a stale biscuit in the face of her teasing, of your name from her mouth. Even now your heart skipped, ached, sang. It wasn’t real, the adoration and attraction she had looked at you with. How could you grapple with that? Alone and surrounded by all the kindness she had gifted you. There was a doubt, tart and strong, in your mind that you would ever matter to anyone ever again. Your clanking alarm clock seemed to agree, burrowing into your fitful dreams and warping to the sound of her laugh.

Mel came back, hungover and a little emotionally unstable which seemed to happen every time she went home. You had tacos on the sofa, sharing a beer and having the same conversation as before, though sober this time. You steered clear of her, focusing on Mel with an intensity that made the girl snort.

“Back to planet earth then?”

“What?” Lettuce tumbled out, they’d given you a hard shell by accident.

“I mean this is probably the most you’ve spoken to me since the summer,”

A flinch, body rejecting the truth, as your lips turned down.

“I get it, work and stuff,” Mel quickly added, stroking your arm like she would Mina, “Just missed you,”

“Missed you too,” It choked out, despite your efforts to stay calm, flinging yourself against her and squeezing.

Fuck Ambessa. It settled in you, a certainty fuelled by the intense turmoil of the past twenty four hours. You loved Mel and you would not be a shit friend anymore.

Days were lighter after that, your acceptance shifting the colours of your world slightly. Your fancy laptop was a blessing, not a collar, helping you write your thesis without trouble. The coffee shop could have been worse, it was in a beautiful building with a rich history and it meant you could eat branded beans instead of 26p sludge. You’d even managed to save some money for Christmas. You were rising from the ashes of unrequited love, becoming a true optimist. Maybe you might start liking yourself soon.

Then your dad called.

“Hey, Peanut,” His gravelly tone was easily decipherable. He was about to disappoint you, again.

“Hi Dad,” You settled in the armchair, chest deflating, “Everything okay?”

“I’ve got some news,” a rattled sigh, “I’m gonna need to stay on till January,”

Rough hands ran over your face, “Of course,”

“I’m sorry kid but with the mortgage and-”

“I know, I understand,”

“Maybe you could go back to that friend’s house?” He said hopefully, “You had such a good time,”

Not fucking likely. If you told Mel that’s exactly what she’d suggest, so this one was staying quiet, you weren’t that healed. “It’s alright, I think I’d like to be at home, see some familiar faces, could always have dinner with the cousins,”

“Yeah,” He sniffed, “Yeah okay love,”

“I love you, I guess I’ll see you in the new year?”

“Of course, and I’ll ring you in the holidays,” He was firm in his intentions, even if it wouldn’t stick, “Love you,”

Christmas alone. Lucky you.

It took more effort than you’d anticipated to censor the news around Mel. Part of you, small and desperate, wanted to fall into her and cry about it but then you would end up sniffling, sitting in her car on the way to that damned house. The last few weeks of term flew by, deadlines and Christmas parties numbing you out, pushing you into a glitzy, overwhelmed state. Mel was in her element, glittering gold as she wrapped a mountain of gifts, covered all of your kitchen surfaces in icing sugar and screamed George Michael. She was supposed to leave before you, giving you three days of peace in the house before you ended up in rural Derbyshire with nobody but the deer to talk to.

About an hour before Mel was due to leave you received a phone call from your father and it affirmed for you that the universe, in all its cosmic wonders, had it out for you.

Your terraced house had a very complex and old heating system, which had apparently died a sudden and dramatic death. Sure, whatever, no problem. Except a new one was going to cost at least ten thousand pounds and couldn’t be installed until January anyway. The neighbours had told him about the sudden flooding, and he had tried to deal with it faster, but being so far away and with so little immediate funds.

“So it’s fucked,” You groan, “I guess I’ll have to stay here then,”

“I-” Your dad sounded shattered, “We might have to looking at selling, I haven’t got the cash to fix it,”

“I’ll figure that out Dad,” Tight throat, air raspy, “It’s okay, thanks for calling,”

“What’s fucked?” Mel said, appearing like a ghost, your shoulders jolting.

“Eavesdropper,” It was a grumble, “It’s nothing,”

“It’s clearly not if you’re looking at staying here,”

Your eyes rolled, frustration bubbling,“House’s heating broke, can’t be fixed till January so I’ll stay here,”

Mel looked crestfallen, “Oh no,” She embraced you, the hug more loving than you deserved, “What’s your dad going to do? Come up here? He can have my room obviously,”

“Why would he need that?” You snorted, “He’s staying on the rig for Christmas-” Uh. Oops.

Brown eyes flared with anger, “What? You didn’t tell me that!”

“I-I” You were at a loss, desperate to avoid what was obviously hurtling your way, “I didn’t wanna be a downer on all the cool plans, I was just gonna relax alone or whatever,” Lame excuse, loser.

“You’re coming to ours,” Mel said, decided, waving away all of your protests like one would swat a fly. Somehow she was already calling her mother, telling her to expect another guest for Christmas. The stress of heating was the final straw on a decrepit, twitching camel.

Had you died? Were you in Hell?

That’s what the Land Rover felt like, speeding through endless countryside as she sang Christmas Wrapping for the ninth time. You felt almost outside your body, about to reunite with a part of yourself you’d allowed to die. Mel had chewed you out for the first hour of the journey about being an idiot, about upsetting her by not just asking to stay. I know it was awesome in the summer, she had whined, you’re not like a burden or anything.

Rolling up the driveway felt like that moment on a rollercoaster just before the adrenaline floods you. Your stomach turns, you feel the wind and feel how high up you are, seeking an out you know isn’t there. Then the ride drops, hurtles down the track and you’re too overwhelmed to think much of anything at all. Ambessa standing, cashmere jumper and longer curls, against the door waiting to greet you both was your drop. Blank, hot nothingness.

“Darlings,” She cried, lips as crimson as ever.

She stepped forward, throwing her arms around both of you and you thought you might die. You hated her. Her smirk showed she could tell, though it wasn’t as firmly fixed as usual. Sunrays, squinting eyes and that smirk as she ate a slice of watermelon. Shut Up.

A small dinner was already ready, a weathered looking Kino dishing up portions. His greeting was warm but distracted.

“Mum’s had me hauling all the trees into place,” He grumbled, passing you a bowl of stew, “because of course it couldn’t wait until the precious princesses arrived to help,”

Gods you’d missed him. “You think I’m a princess Kino? I’m touched,”

Mel forced you into your chair, snorting at her brother, “Would you believe this idiot was going to stay at uni all by herself?”

You didn’t feel like an idiot, you felt like a prey animal fleeing one predator to sprint into the den of another.

Ambessa interjected then, “Yes, what’s this I hear about broken heating?”

It was an innocent and very valid question from the woman hosting you. She needed to shut the fuck up. “Uh, our terraced house was still using its system from the 60s and it finally died,” You said, instead of telling her the former, “Dad’s on the rig and can’t get anyone to fix it sooner than January,”

“We’ll have you for the whole festive period then,” Ambessa said, tone calm as she sent you a smile. It was indifferent and kind, in the same way she had been those first days of the summer. It rocked you, eating some of the adrenaline and replacing it with tears that glazed embarrassingly for a second. Long enough for her to see, but with enough control to spare you from Mel.

Five weeks of being in Medarda Central, playing happy families, “If that’s okay,”.

“We’re so happy to have you, Dear,”

Bitch. “Thank you, Ambessa,”

That evening was like a dream, stuck behind the screens of a nightmare. Three large christmas trees to decorate, a tradition apparently, with mulled wine and gingerbread. Everything was beautiful, and to your surprise each ‘child’ was given a tree. The larger one in the foyer was put up on November 21st every year by Ambessa, Mel told you, but the Medarda siblings and Mina each got their own tree to decorate once everyone was home.

You had been given Mina’s with a snort from Ambessa, who was supposedly happy to have someone else take on the ‘lazy demon’s workload’. It felt nice, for a moment, as you stared down at the fluff ball who seemed to have accepted you as a guest. This was a new thing and if you closed your eyes and breathed out of your armpit no memories appeared. You decorated methodically, using some of Mina’s and some spare that had been assembled for you. A perfect evening, with your best friend and her stupid big brother. And their sexy, evil, confusing mother.

Like you thought, a dream to nightmare pipeline. A trend you saw continuing for the rest of the holiday. It ended with watching The Grinch, something you had never seen. Jim Carrey was unusual and Martha May was disturbingly attractive, but that’s all you really gained, too busy ignoring Ambessa’s joking gaze. Did she think you were crazy? That you wanted to spend this holiday being fucked about by her too? Mel’s head on your shoulder grounded you, saved you from the turbulence of her.

It caught you once, entirely by accident, and your head began to swim. Golden swirls, tender and amused. She looked more beautiful somehow, finally victorious in getting your attention as she raised a brow. Your neck mottled red as anxious teeth crushed against one another. Rough hands stroking your cheek, kissing your sleepy eyelids as you ignored the film that followed Trading Places. This place was haunted and you realised that you were just another ghost. Kino went to bed first and unlike a few months ago, you were determined not to be a straggler. You got your water and tea whilst Mel spoke to her Mum about the upcoming Carol Concert you were supposed to be attending.

“Night,” You said, voice soft, as she nodded to them.

“Oh,” Mel said, “Bit early for you, isn’t it?”

“Long day,” A smile, “See you in the morning,”

“Nice to have you back, well done with the Tree today,” Ambessa’s silky tone drifted, “Sleep well Sweetheart,”

That was a new one and it caused no reaction at all. Your hand was trembling because the tea was hot, that was all. Your body shook from the exhaustion in the spare room, lip wet and trembling, because the journey was long and you missed your Dad. You could not feel her phantom touches brushing the tears away, it was simply the wind.

Ten days of Christmas festivities passed and it did not get any easier. No matter when you woke, she still somehow had your tea ready for you. You’d hoped initially that it was Rictus, the man you had come to know slightly better than in the warmer months, but alas he hadn’t a clue what you were on about. Those eyes, hypnotic and cruel, still attempted to lure you in each day. Hands lingered, bodies closer than needed as you passed in corridors or sat on the same sofa.

One day you boiled over, alone in the kitchen with her as she sorted through recipes.

“Will you knock it off?”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t hum at me,” You snapped, hands clenching your mug, horror clenching your heart, “T-The touching and the looks, stop it,”

Ambessa laughed, pushing her glasses onto her head as she fixed you with a look, “Didn’t seem to mind it a couple of months ago, Sweet Girl,”

“A couple of months ago I was a fool,” A stuttered breath, half stuck and bubbling, “Mel’s my priority, I love her and this fucked up thing would hurt her, so stop it,”

Ambessa’s look changed into something you couldn’t understand, eyes pensive and face blank. She nodded once, head tilted to scan you. Was it respect? Surely not, she barely saw you as a full person.

“Okay,” Her tone was measured, “I can work with that,”

It relieved you, the thick, invisible smog circling overhead finally beginning to clear. You didn't trust her intentions towards you, but you could trust them towards Mel. The tremors and the cries slowed slightly, your sleep troubled but not totally absent.

Something new formed, something you could just about stomach. It was just as if she was your best friend’s mum, hosting you for the holidays, with jokes and motherly pats. She had never known the taste of your lips, you had never nestled your head between her thighs, never shared an overly fond look over her daughter’s head. It was easier this way, you promised yourself in the dead of night as you tossed from side to side. You’d spent so little time actually in this bed, that now it seemed as foreign to you as the woman who occupied the other. Her eyes still stayed on you from time to time, but it was insignificant now.

Did you prefer that? Was this better?

All Ambessa knew was that she did not like this change. Not one bit. She was unsure of how to process you coming back. You were a nice enough girl, an excellent fuck and actually funny to be around. You made Mel happy, which made her happy, but you had gotten a little too attached. She had avoided you since then for that reason, the thoughts of you that drifted through easy to push away. That being said, she missed you sprawled in her bed babbling nonsense as she ruined you. You were a pest, lingering around her thoughts and she was unsure of how to proceed. She seemed to regain one part of you, sarcastic and passionate, at the expense of any and all private access to you. It irked her, though she would not admit it, that you had called it before she had. Guilt sat heavy in her stomach, mixing with something else as she remembered your aggressive devotion to her daughter. Parts of you, buried, now resurfaced for her. How you took your tea, which hand would brush back hair behind your ear, in which order you would put your socks and shoes on. Tiny, minute details. She glanced at you, licking up cream on a hot chocolate and saw images of a similar kind, your pretty crinkled eyes eating an ice cream as you gazed at her across the sunlounger.

Ambessa Medarda could not wait for you to get the hell out of her house.

How ironic, considering you finally felt you were flowing into the new rhythm.

She wasn’t scary, she had no power. Other than the fact that this was, you know, her house. You shared tea, read together, joked and laughed. You only looked at her lips every now and again, a natural thing. You looked at Mel’s lips sometimes. Yeah. Her nicknames only caused nausea, not an actual gag to choke you. Plus you were distracted half the time by Kino and Mel. Frockiling about in London, seeing a show or wandering through museums, it was endless. Somehow you had done more in the first two weeks here than most of the summer, mind frazzled by Christmas joy. The best part was that on December 17th it started to snow and showed no signs of stopping. A true winter wonderland.

The only other distinct change from the summer was the shiny new vibrator in your bedside drawer. You still had needs, for god sake and the distraction should help. Nothing would satiate the burn like she did, but you tried not to think about that once you realised it was her you pictured to send yourself over the edge. Oops.

Ambessa, restless and frustrated, strolled down the corridor in the dead of night. Each door zipped past until a grunt startled her into stillness. It was from behind your door and a flare of worry resounded in her at the pained sound. Against her better judgement, her fist rose to knock on the wood when she heard it again. Clearer now, louder. Not pain, her mind roared, it was a cry of pleasure. Pleased little pants and gasps travelled to her ears, turning her thoughts to molten nothingness. She had uncharacteristically avoided sex for the past few weeks, and this was enough for her to tumble over the edge. Leaning against the wall, breath silent, she gulped. This was ridiculous, wrong and crazy and reckless. She was in the hallway for christ’s sake. Still, with chaotic urgency, her hand slipped beneath her trousers as she caressed her neglected clit.

You lay, legs wide and twitching, pleasuring yourself in bed totally unaware of your desperate audience. Tonight had been tougher on your resilience, her dress was so simple and yet it hugged her in a way that made you think of flowing water. Water led you to thinking of the pool and suddenly you were smacked with images of her naked swimming. It was too good to ignore, already halfway down the hot spiral your body craved, teeth bruising plump lips. Head thrown back, you began to keen and mewl, the toy pushing you into mindlessness, each gentle buzz pulling a whine.

Ambessa was almost nonsensical, unable to battle for her ironclad control as your noises had her frantically chasing release. You had haunted her for days, flushed cheeks and snide comments, as if nothing had ever happened. You essentially ignored any heat from her and it was maddening. She wanted to fuck you into the mattress you lay on now, the image making her eyes roll slightly. The final straw, shooting her into a shaking climax, was a sudden, bursting whimper of her name from your lips.

You hadn’t meant to, rocking yourself against this thick rabbit, but the image of her was so clear and you wanted it so bad, craved it. You cried out for her, as you had so many times before. Everything sang, bright and harsh, as you went limp.

She was much the same, choking her gasps back as her knees shook slightly. Finally some relief, her thoughts able to order themselves slightly. She did not, however, like the form they took. You, temptress and forbidden fruit, carved a home in her head she could not fill with anything else.

This was a mess. She was a mess. You were a problem.

Ambessa found herself bundling up, rambling at Rictus about almost everything as she prepared to check the lake, to see if it was ready for skating. He took it well, he was trusted for a reason. There was a merry glint in those eyes, a knowing of his Mistress. Something was wrong, was grating on her and he believed that something had a name and sparkly, open eyes.

“Need anything else?” Rictus asked, passing her the mug of coffee so she could finish it, “I’ll sort out whatever part of your wardrobe Mina has mutilated and then start wrapping the kids gifts,”

“Fantastic,” Distracted, dismissive, till her shoulders tensed, “Did you get anything for her?”

He remained neutral, “Did you want me to?”

A pregnant pause, stormy eyes, “I-Uh yes, I’ll send you a list,”

As if her house had become a prison, she smacked into you just as she wandered outside. You stood, fluffy coat and thick scarf, staring mystified at the white landscape.

“I’m sorry,” It was a squeak, mind haunted by your enjoyment last night.

“No, no,” She said, “That was my fault,”

“What,” A swallow, as you met her eyes with passiveness, “Where are you off to?”

“The lake,” She grunted, “See if it’s ready,”

“Ready?”

“For skating,”

Your mind exploded with excitement, never having even considered this as a possibility, lips betraying you, “Oh my god really, can I come?”

Your childlike wonder clawed at her lungs, posture softening, smile tugged forward unbidden, “If you’re careful, and do as I say,”

That was how you’d ended up watching Ambessa Medarda check this huge lake with military precision. You hadn’t visited it much in the summer, it was a fifteen minute walk through the woods so in the heat the pool was the obvious preference. Now though? It was a magical, entrancing grove that you giddy with joy. It was almost like it didn’t matter that it was her, that this was the longest you’d spent alone since August.

“Well,” Ambessa called, “Looks perfect to me,”

To your surprise, she removed two pairs of skates from her bag and chucked one at you, leaning against a large Yew tree to put her own on.

You didn’t know she knew to bring a second pair and it flared suspicion in you, “Why do you have these?”

“They’re Mel’s, Sweetheart,” She answered, amusement tickling her cheeks, “Didn’t realise they were still in there, you’re the same shoe size,”

Oh. Okay. That still didn’t solve the issue that you had no idea how to skate, and you said as much.

Ambessa could feel, as intimately as the danger of an oncoming bullet, that this would not end well. The offer left her lips all the same. She could teach you, it was Christmas tradition and Mel would end up dragging you here the second she found out it was ready.

She was a good teacher, patient and calm, with a habit of everexcessive praise and degradation intermingling. You were being a twat when gaining momentum, but did turning very well Darling. It felt unreal, distant from the dull ache she had placed in your heart, as acceptance slotted further into your bones.

Soaring like an injured bird, she watched you. Round and round you moved, grace slow to arrive but firm in staying, as her eyes stung. She couldn’t understand why, breath quick, as she coughed into gloved hands. The pressure built the more you moved and Ambessa nibbled her lip in contemplation.

“Oh my god, it’s ready,” Kino’s loud shriek saved his mother from further emotional introspection, “MEL. MEL. Come Skate,”

The Medarda siblings joined you, both skilled and dangerously competitive, forcing Ambessa to tug you left and right across the ice to avoid their thundering.

In short, it was the best day yet and that night you could sleep without a cry or an orgasm to force you. Christmas might actually be salvageable.

Another party. You’d joked to Mel that she really was the perfect upper class stereotype with a pool and horses you had avoided out of immense fear, with all her time spent getting drunk and talking about all the things she’d done. Mel was a bit offended, which made your assessment all the funnier, gold lips pouting. This one was very intimate, you’d know everyone there and it was more just a chance to see everyone before Christmas Day.It was just the Medardas and you on the big day, their first year having another person due to Ambessa’s usual strictness that it was only family. That was like a lobster slap to the face, making you feel special and like a burden all at once.

Somehow you were crucial in planning yet again, Mel too busy seeing old friends before they went away and Kino refusing to engage. He’d done his bit for the year with Ambessa’s birthday, he stubbornly replied, hiding himself away in the library with Mina.

That was how you found yourself in the kitchen, at the breakfast table expending half your energy to a Chess Game with Rictus and the other to being a food tester.

“Don’t like cranberry sauce,” You grimaced at her offering, Rook takes Knight “That one’s for him,”

“I don’t either,” Bishop takes Rook, his gruff smile making you laugh in kind.

“What’s the point of you then?” Ambessa snapped, eating the canape herself.

“Idle decoration?” “Part of the furniture?” You responded the same time as Rictus, giggles hidden by an insincere hand.

The three of you powered through the Everest of washing up she had created, humming to the radio and thinking up the worst Christmas cracker jokes we’d heard over the years. You were on drying duty initially, till it proved you hadn’t got a clue where anything lived.

“Didn’t you live here for three months?” He mocked, reordering the baking trays.

“She didn’t cook once in that time,” Ambessa sighed, “Some people just take and take and take,”

It was a joke, but it made you angry and the plate hit the water with more force than you could control. Soapy, lukewarm water crashed against both you and Ambessa, leaving you incredulous and her as still as a statue.

“Well,” Rictus said, warm presence cutting through the tension, “Off you both go to change, it’s enough for me to finish alone anyway,”

You both rushed down the corridor, and you felt yourself lurch as something reminiscent of the echo of an apology left her lips. You waved it away, eyes stinging as you slammed the door and curled under the duvet.

Everything was fine. Everything was good. You were friends now and you didn’t love her at all and you weren’t fuelled most by her laugh, her approval, her existence. You fell asleep with a wet stomach, melancholic music echoing in your head as you ended up back on that dreamlike lake.

The day arrived, December 22nd and you felt weird nauseous butterflies. Things had backtracked a bit since the washing up, but you were determined to drag yourself forward.

Everything shone, the powerhouse of a small country fuelling the lights and decorations as Mel sat crisscrossed on her bed, painting you like one of her canvases.

“This feels like a lot,” You said, yawning, “Everyone coming already knows what I look like,”

She smacked your arm lightly, “It’s Christmas, live a little,”

“I’m already living a lot thank you, you’ve got me in heels and spanx,” You flicked the snap to emphasise your point, moving your lips to hinder her lipstick application.

“Brat,” She gripped your chin, keeping you steady as her face lit up, “There you look like an angel now,”

You did, Your hair was shiny and curled, your face a painted marvel of Mel’s imagination and one of her white and gold dresses clung to you, highlighting everything you had ever been blessed with. Your eyes burned. A click smashed through your thoughts, the film camera flash capturing you forever, awestruck at yourself and grateful for your best friend.

Joy came easy here, her presence diluted by people you had come to love, as you slipped through the small crowd, challenging Viktor to a sober chess rematch. You didn’t win, but neither did he, and with a stalemate reached you gobbled up Ambessa’s admittedly perfect food parcels. Rictus seemed to circle back to you more often than anyone else, smirk on his face, a silent comradery.

The record player was soothing, champagne and eggnog mixing to make an odd sensation in your stomach as Kino twirled you around.

“I’m glad Mel has you,” He mutters against your ear, “She’s needed a friend to ground her,”

Everything spun weirdly, the compliment ironic as you nodded roughly, “I love her, she’s the best, and hey, you’re not too bad either,”

He laughed, twirling you a final time, “Always the charmer, Princess,”

Chaos devolved, as it always did with this group of friends, the snow too tempting a siren. You’d actually been having a coherent conversation with Ambessa and Cassandra Kiramman about your thesis progress, eyes only slightly hazy with booze, when you were hauled away by Jayce and VI. A snowball fight on the patio had erupted, bodies numb to the cold as their skin was heated by alcohol, violent throws and crashing dodges. No true adult participated, though some watched fondly, as Rictus recorded the whole thing on an old camcorder, another Medarda tradition apparently.

Ambessa trailed the scene, heart warm at the sight. She loved her children, loved the people they had become even if sometimes they seemed alien to her, more gentle and considerate than she considered possible. Their friends were a great reflection of them, loud and eclectic, with the loyalty of a wolf pack. You flitted about like a golden mote of light, drawing her eye more than she wished. That dress was sinful, you filled it in a way that made her ache, makeup turning your eyes into deep pools in wish she lost her senses. She knew nothing about your thesis, though Cassandra seemed to have continued that conversation with her as you were dragged away. This was becoming impractical, her body not her own. She retreated to the kitchen under the pretense of refills.

You bowed out early, freezing your tits off was fun until it wasn’t and you were less agile than the others. Beelinging for the kitchen, desperate for tea and to choke down more canapes, your cold skin smashed against a warm, firm wall.

She was beautiful tonight, as always. Resplendent and controlling, wielding her space perfectly. Braids and curls intermingled to frame her angular face, statement birthday necklace in place with matching earrings, as long lashes fluttered. It was the most stuck you’d felt since coming back to the house, an aura so similar to that first barbeque, that you’d almost slipped and made an inappropriate joke.

Your damp, snow soaked curls stuck your face as you stood inches from her, the kitchen silent save for your mingled breath.

“Good party,” You crooked, frozen in face.

“Yes,” She responded in kind, “A success I think,”

“I-I just wanted another salmon tart thing,”

She placed one in your hand, eyes widening, as she gripped your bare shoulder “You’re freezing, Sweet girl,”

Sweet Girl the tipsy, happy haze called. You nodded, “Was in the snow,”

She could warm you up, her sly and corrupted mind cried, thoughts blank as your innocent, devil eyes captured her body and perhaps even soul. She moved thoughtlessly, a gentle ringed hand tilting your chin as her dark lips crushed against yours.

Euphoria. You were in heaven, succumbing hungrily to the kiss, lungs starved of oxygen for four months. No logic here, no reason or doubt. Only her firm guiding embrace, and warm tongue. Ambessa Medarda was an evil, perfect woman and you could not escape her.

Dizzy, drunk in more ways than one, you pushed her off gently. It took everything in you, salmon tart crushed to nothing on the ground as you gulped.

Her inability to treat you a person was not why you’d stopped this, though if you respected yourself it should have been, it was because of Mel.

“This isnt-”

“Oh my fucking god,” It was shrill, whispered and bitter, your heart dropping out of your ass, ”No, you haven’t done this to me Mum, not again,”

Speak of the devil.

#ambessa x reader #ambessa medarda #arcane #ambessa smut #arcane ambessa #reader insert

134 notes · View notes