#but the last picture is the living room (?) of my Air B&B in Fez

[waugh-bao]

NYC -> Casablanca -> Fez in 3 days (2024)

[zen3to5]

J/H 3-10: Fez Gets The Girl

Well, the re-tread's done - now here we go in earnest!

Following along with the production order rather than the air dates, we now come to "Fez Gets The Girl." I've left the "A" story with Red and Eric untouched, and the "B" story with Fez and Caroline has only minor adjustments. I've kept everything, however, to provide context and to try and simulate a proper 22-minute episode. Now, as for the stuff that I did re-write...well, read on, my friends.

FF.Net AO3

---

SHOW TITLE   EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - DAY   The boys are gathered around the Vista Cruiser. ERIC leans inside from the open driver’s seat window, working on the speakers.   HYDE: Where’s the tunes, Forman?   ERIC: Hang on, you guys. Just one more wire here.   FEZ: I learned how to speak English faster than this.   KELSO: Fez, it’s not real English if you speak it with a foreign accent. Geez.   Eric finishes his adjustments. ROCK MUSIC plays loudly from the car. The boys all smile and start to head bang.   ERIC: Aren’t these the coolest?   FEZ: I can’t hear you.   ERIC: I know! They’re the greatest speakers ever!   Eric jumps onto the hood of the car, slides down to the end, and starts playing air guitar.   RED, dressed for work, steps out from the kitchen. He stares at his son and rolls his eyes.   RED: Eric!   Eric, not hearing, continues to jam. The other boys retreat through the garage. Red crosses to the car and shuts off the radio. Eric, finally noticing his father, sits upright on the hood of the car.   ERIC: Oh, hey, Dad. Sorry. Didn’t see you there.   RED: Well, I guess ‘cause you were too busy making an ass of yourself.   ERIC: Actually, I was trying out my new speakers. What do you think?   RED: New speakers? What was wrong with the old ones? Those were genuine GM parts!   ERIC: (beat) Uh... these are louder.   RED: Yeah, well – just keep your monkey music turned down. And go grab your smock. We gotta go to work.   Eric hops off the car and heads inside.   BOB (v.o.): Hey, Red! Is that you?   RED: Oh, cripes.   Red leans into the car and turns the speakers back on, at full volume, just as BOB enters. He smiles and leans on the passenger’s side door.   BOB: (to Red)  Hiya, neighbor!   RED: Can’t hear you, Bob. I’m testing out Eric’s new speakers.   Bob looks confused and wanders off the way he came. Once he leaves the driveway, Red turns the radio off and smiles.   RED: (indicates the speakers) Not bad.

MAIN CREDITS   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - EVENING   Red and Eric sit at the dining table, eating their dinners. KITTY crosses from the counter to the table as Red talks.   RED: Boy, quite a day at Price Mart, Kitty. First, the price of light bulbs dropped two cents, then Eric was made employee of the month, and to top it off, they added Cheez-Its to the vending machine.   Eric looks up from his plate.   ERIC: Are you serious?   RED: Yep. Tiny little squares with the cheese flavor baked right in.   ERIC: Am I really Price Mart employee of the month?   RED: You sure are.    Kitty applauds wildly.   KITTY: Yay!   RED: (to Eric) And they even decided to throw in an extra 25 cents an hour.   ERIC: Oh, yes!   RED: I gotta admit, Eric. I had my doubts, but hell, you’ve hardly embarrassed me.   ERIC: (beat) Thanks, Dad. Oh, this is great. Whoo! Price Mart rocks!   LAURIE enters from the living room and joins the family at the table.   KITTY: Oh, Laurie, tell everyone your good news.   LAURIE: I just finished my first two weeks of cosmetology school!   KITTY: And she didn’t flunk out! Isn’t that great?   RED: (to Laurie) That is great, honey. Nice job.   Red leans over and gives Laurie a kiss on the cheek.   LAURIE: Thanks, Daddy. But I’m a little worried. We’re not allowed to practice on dummies anymore and I can’t find anyone who’ll let me style their hair for my next exam.   KITTY: Oh, honey, you’ll do fine. We’re all here to support you.   LAURIE: Great. So, you don’t mind being my model?   KITTY: (quickly) Oh, honey, no, no. I go to the beauty parlor. Maybe Eric can help out.   ERIC: Oh, sure. Laurie, first of all – always run with scissors.   Laurie makes a face at him.   KITTY: (to Eric) Boy, I never get tired of your sarcasm.   ERIC: Really?   Red clears his throat.   ERIC (cont’d): Sorry.   KITTY: Red, would you like to be a hair model?   RED: Kitty, I would like to have hair. Period. But I don’t. So, no.   Red pats Laurie on the back, then stands and heads for the counter.   LAURIE: It’s fine, Mom. I’ll just get Kelso to do it. He shorted out my hair dryer last week when we were all done -   She looks over at Red, who glares back.   LAURIE (cont’d): ... “talking,” so he owes me one.   KITTY: (beat) Well, that’s very nice.   RED: Sure it is, kitten. And hey, you’ll be practicing on a dummy after all.   He and Eric both laugh.   ERIC: All right, Dad!   He points to Red, who salutes with a beer can. They keep laughing while Laurie scowls and Kitty goes back to her dinner.   CUT TO:   INT. THE HUB - NIGHT   A quiet night at the Hub. The gang have two small tables pulled together. Eric, KELSO, and FEZ sit around one, with Eric backwards in his chair as Kelso and Fez both sip at their sodas. HYDE and JACKIE sit on opposite sides of the other table, bent over a beat-up chess board and set.   The chess game is clearly in Hyde’s favor. Jackie hesitantly reaches for one of the white bishops and pushes it forward.   HYDE:  Can’t move that way.   Jackie pouts. She sets the bishop back and picks up a white knight.   HYDE (cont’d): No.   Jackie’s pout deepens. She tries to pull a rook diagonally.   HYDE (cont’d): No.   With more force than necessary, Jackie slams the rook back on the board, picks up a white pawn, and takes a black pawn.   HYDE (cont’d): There you go.   He moves a black bishop to take the square Jackie’s pawn was just on.   HYDE (cont’d): Checkmate.   He laughs and Jackie groans.   JACKIE: Steven, this game is so stupid!   HYDE: Nah, man. It’s the game of kings.   JACKIE: Oh yeah? (lifts her king) Then why can’t the king do anything? The queen – (holds up her queen) Has all the power, does all the work, and – (looks at the queen) Deserves a way prettier crown.   She sets the pieces back down and crosses her arms. Hyde shrugs and turns toward the guys.   ERIC: So, guys, not only are they gonna hang my picture in front of the store, but I also get to represent our entire district in the national Price Mart Olympics.   Everyone gives disinterested nods. Jackie starts resetting the chess pieces.   FEZ: That’s nice. (beat) Do you think I would choke to death if I swallowed my straw?   KELSO: No, it’s got a breathing hole.   Fez takes his straw from his soda cup and puts it in his mouth.   ERIC/HYDE/JACKIE: Fez, no.   Reluctantly, Fez puts his straw back in his cup.   From the table behind the gang, an ATTRACTIVE BLONDE stands and crosses to the juke box, sparing a look Fez’s way as she passes him. Fez sits up straight as she leans on the juke box.   FEZ:  Oh, my God. There she is.   JACKIE: Who is that?   FEZ: The new girl, Caroline. She transferred here from Sacred Heart. Or Heaven, I’m not sure which. We have gym together. She barely sweats. Some day, I will make her my bride.   HYDE: Yep, no one likes a sweaty bride.   The guys all mutter in agreement, while Jackie rolls her eyes.   HYDE (con’d): Hey, why don’t you go talk to her, man?   FEZ: Oh, I...   He trails off into nervous mumbling. Pop music begins to play.   CUT TO:   FANTASY SEQUENCE. The Hub is dark, save for two spotlights, one on CAROLINE and the other on Fez. He rises, crosses to Caroline, and spins her around to face him.   FEZ: You’re the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.   CAROLINE: Thank you. Your cocoa-brown skin makes me hot.   FEZ: I know. I am irresistible. Would you like to dance?   Caroline nods. They begin to dance, the spotlights following their steps. After a twirl, they separate, Caroline returning to the juke box and Fez to his seat.   CUT TO:   Back in the real world. Fez sucks nervously on his soda.   HYDE: Hey. Why don’t you go talk to her, man?   FEZ: Oh, I don’t know, Hyde. I can’t. I don’t understand this. Usually, I am... I am suave, I am silky.   The gang stares.   FEZ (cont’d): But this girl makes me... I have to go to the bathroom.   Fez quickly stands and moves to the bathroom, taking his soda with him.   ERIC: Anyway, getting back to Price Mart –   HYDE/KELSO/JACKIE: Shut up!   ERIC: Yeah.   DONNA enters through the Hub door. She hurries over to the gang and takes Fez’s empty chair.   DONNA: Oh, my God. You guys are never gonna believe this.   ERIC: Wait, no – me first.   DONNA: Okay, go.   ERIC: Okay. I, Eric Forman – your boyfriend – am Price Mart’s newest employee of the month.   DONNA: (beat) Eric, that’s great. Are you done?   ERIC: Oh, yeah. Top that, cupcake.   DONNA: Okay. Kat Peterson’s parents are out of town this Saturday, and she’s throwing a huge party. Two bucks a head, anyone’s in, and – seven minutes in heaven. But instead of a closet, it’s in the guest bedroom.   KELSO: All right!   He stands and hollers. Jackie and Hyde both nod and smile. Eric slowly stands, mouth open.   DONNA: (to Eric) You and me – we’re going.   ERIC: Oh, my God, no. Did you say Saturday? I... I can’t go Saturday. It’s inventory night. It’s mandatory.   DONNA: Skip it, Eric. We both need this party. Call in sick. Tell them your grandma died. (snaps fingers) Burn down the store.   ERIC: You’re right. You know what? I’m going.   Donna snaps her fingers again and grins.   ERIC (cont’d): Ah, I can’t go.   He slumps back down in his chair. Slowly, so does Kelso.   KELSO: Man, Saturday night? I’m out too. That’s the night Laurie’s doing my hair.   Everyone turns to stare at Kelso. He looks around at all of them, pouting.   KELSO: It’s for her beauty school classes. Education is important, people!   ERIC: (stands) No, I am going! (sits) Ah, I can’t go.   DONNA: Are you sure?   ERIC: Yeah, I can’t. You know, everyone has to work. No exceptions. Plus, Red and I – we’re both kind of supervising.   HYDE: Corporate America claims another victim.   DONNA: Eric, it’s okay. You’re a really responsible guy. I love and hate that about you.   KELSO: Okay, you know what? I’m not embarrassed that Laurie’s doing my hair. Yeah, ‘cause everybody goes to get their hair cut anyway, and if I have my girlfriend do it – well, then, that just saves money. And it gets expensive, staying this pretty.   He points to his head as he shakes it, tossing his bangs to and fro.   Jackie tugs on Hyde’s arm and points to the reset chess board.   JACKIE: Okay, Steven. Try to beat me now.   She confidently moves a pawn forward. Hyde calmly moves one of his forward. Jackie advances another pawn. Hyde, having freed his queen, moves it into the Fool’s Mate.   HYDE: Checkmate.   He grins as Jackie gasps, covers her mouth, and looks back and forth from Hyde to the chess board.   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - DAY   The next morning. Laurie is rifling through a large bag full of beauty products on the table. All around her are hot rollers, styling wands, brushes, applicators, scissors, and hairspray cans, all immaculately clean.   Kitty enters from the living room, sees Laurie, and chuckles.   KITTY: Well, now. This is nice. Look at you, getting all your things nice and ready for your big exam.   LAURIE: Oh, no, Mom. This is all mine.   Kitty glances, disbelievingly, at the mess on her table.   LAURIE (cont’d): Yeah... I should probably find something to use on Kelso, huh?   Kitty shakes her head and returns to the living room. Laurie shrugs and goes back to rifling through her things.   CUT TO:   INT. SMILEY’S – DAY   Early afternoon at a small local diner. Red and Eric sit at a small table, their meals finished. Eric stares off into space, a look of pride on his face, as Red chews on a toothpick.   Eric turns to his dad and lifts up a KEYCHAIN.   ERIC: Oh, hey, did you see this? They gave me a Price Mart keychain. It’s got a knife and everything. Yeah, I keep it in my pocket. Some of the other guys get jealous.   Red takes the toothpick from his mouth.   RED: Look, Eric. I know you’re very excited about your raise and everything, but I don’t want you to get too caught up in this.   ERIC: Don’t worry, Dad. I’m not about to alienate my fellow employees with my award-winning work ethic. I read the signs in the breakroom. There’s no “I” in teamwork.   Red shakes his head. THE WAITRESS comes and presents him with the check.   WAITRESS: Here’s your check, sir, and thank you for eating at Smiley’s.   Eric reaches for the check. Red slaps his hand down on it.   RED: (laughs) Very funny.   ERIC: You know what, Dad? I got this.   RED: (beat) Take your hand off the check.   Eric stares at Red, refusing to let go. Red stares back and tugs at the check.   WAITRESS: I’ll come back.   She walks off, as Eric and Red continue to stare each other down.   CUT TO:   INT. THE HUB – DAY   Early afternoon, with steady business. Jackie and Hyde sit at a table against the wall, with Jackie in the booth seat. The chess board is between them again.   HYDE: Okay, let’s review. The bishop – (lifts one) Moves on the diagonal, the rook – (lifts one) Horizontal and vertical, and the knight – (lifts one) Can jump with a two-and-one L move.   JACKIE: (lifts her knight) Why is this only a horse’s head? How is he supposed to gallop to the queen’s rescue? And where are the prince and princess pieces?   Hyde sighs and takes the knight from Jackie, placing it back on the board.   Donna and Fez stand at the food counter waiting for their order. In front of them sits Caroline, studying. Donna notices, and points her out to Fez.   DONNA: Fez, is that her?   FEZ: Yes. I wish I could go talk to her, but I get so nervous.   DONNA: Fez, you shouldn’t be nervous. You’re awesome. What girl wouldn’t wanna be with you?   FEZ: Well, there is Jackie, Laurie, this girl from gym, another girl from chemistry, Country-Western star Tanya Tucker, who does not answer her letters, and, uh –   DONNA: Okay, stop. Whatever happened to suave, silky Fez?   FEZ: You’re right. I forgot about him. He’s hot.   DONNA: Exactly. So, go get her, Fez.   Donna pats Fez on the back and crosses to their table to join Jackie on the booth seat. Fez clears his throat and walks over to Caroline.   FEZ:  Caroline, it is Fez. May I sit?   Caroline looks up and nods eagerly. Fez pulls the free chair out and goes to sit down, but knocks Caroline’s food on the floor and misses the seat of the chair, falling to the ground. He immediately stands up, not meeting Caroline’s eyes.   FEZ: Okay, thank you.   Fez crosses to the bathroom door, pauses to glare at Donna.   FEZ: Great idea, Donna!   He disappears into the bathroom as Jackie, Hyde, and Donna choke down laughter. Jackie pats Donna on the shoulder.   FADE TO BLACK   COMMERCIAL   BUMPER   INT. FORMAN KITCHEN - DAY   Later in the afternoon. Kitty scrubs the counter. Eric and Red enter from the patio door, mid-argument.   ERIC: Well, excuse me for trying to buy a co-worker lunch.   He shrugs his coat off.   RED: I am not your co-worker. You’re a high school kid with a part-time job. You’re temporary!   KITTY: Uh-oh! You know what ends fights? Pudding. Just give me seven minutes.   She moves to get the ingredients from the cupboard. Eric and Red cross past the counter.   RED: Eric, you’ve gotta stop acting like a big shot. You’re not the king of the world, you know.   ERIC: I’m employee of the month. I don’t have to take this.   He exits into the living room. Kitty, with milk and pudding mix, moves to the island.   RED: This is no good, Kitty.   KITTY: Well, what are you gonna do, Red? He’s growing up. There are worse things he could be than a little too proud of his first real job.   RED: Oh, yeah? Like what?   Kelso enters from the patio door and pats Red on the shoulder.   KELSO: Hey, Red. Is Laurie home?   Red and Kitty both slowly turn to look at Kelso. Red’s eyes dart from Kelso’s face to his hand on Red’s shoulder. Kelso withdraws his hand and hurries out of the kitchen into the living room.   BUMPER   INT. LAURIE’S ROOM - DAY   Kelso sits in a chair at the vanity. He bounces in his seat, a big smile on his face, as Laurie cleans a hairbrush.   Kelso looks up, sees Laurie is busy. With a sneaky expression, he slowly reaches for a pair of scissors on the vanity. He picks them up and starts to snip happily at the air.   Laurie, hearing the sound, smacks Kelso in the back of the head and takes the scissors from him.   LAURIE: I said, don’t touch anything!   She goes back to her brush as Kelso sinks lower into the chair.   CUT TO:   INT. THE HUB - DAY   Jackie and Donna are still at the wall table. Donna has taken Hyde’s place in the chess game. She moves a white piece, and Jackie moves a black piece into check.   JACKIE: Oh, my God! That’s check, right? I did it, Donna! I did it! Check, check, check!   She claps and wiggles in her chair. Donna laughs and moves out of check.   DONNA: Jackie, since when do you play chess?   JACKIE: Oh, Steven started teaching me a few days ago. Yeah, I wanted to play Mystery Date, but Steven said that if I so much as opened that game within ten feet of him, all the dates but the dud would never be seen or heard from again.   Donna laughs again, stands, and heads into the bathroom. Hyde, returning from the counter, takes her place.   JACKIE: So, Steven – I checked your king. Yeah, that’s right. I’m coming atcha. Let’s see you win now.   Hyde studies the board for a moment. He reaches out, his hand hesitating. Jackie grins. Hyde looks up at her, grins back, and moves his king, freeing his rook to form checkmate.   JACKIE (cont’d): Oh, come on!   CUT TO:   INT. HUB BATHROOM - DAY   Donna adjusts her hair. Caroline enters and comes up behind Donna, who sees her in the mirror.   DONNA: Hi.   CAROLINE: Hi. You’re Donna, right?   DONNA: Yeah, yeah.   CAROLINE: I’m Caroline. I think we have Spanish together.   DONNA: Oh, yeah. Hi.   CAROLINE: Hola. Um... you know that foreign guy you’re always hanging out with?   DONNA: Fez?   CAROLINE: Yeah, Fez. Um, is he... does he...   DONNA: Oh, my God. You like Fez? Oh, my God! Come on, I’ll introduce you to him.   CAROLINE: Oh, no, no. That’s okay. I just wanted to... I gotta go. Use the bano.   Caroline rushes into the stall. There is a banging sound on the walls.   CAROLINE (v.o.): Stupid, stupid, stupid!   Donna looks to the stall, then outward in thought.   CUT TO:   INT. LAURIE’S ROOM – NIGHT   Saturday night. Kelso’s styling is in progress. He is once again sitting at the vanity, a barber’s cape around him. His hair is wet and combed back. Laurie balances a pair of scissors and a comb in one hand and takes up a section of hair with the other, complicated by Kelso moving around. Just as she gets a section and moves to cut it, Kelso pulls away, smiling.   KELSO: Man, I love getting my hair done. Really makes you feel good, you know?   Laurie gives him a curt smile and nod, moves to take a section of hair. Kelso pulls away again.   KELSO (cont’d): Yeah, I’ve loved it ever since I was a kid. Going to the barber shop, getting all trimmed and cleaned up... plus, they had this lady barber with huge boobs. I used to check ‘em out in the mirror while she cut my hair.   He chuckles at the memory. Laurie grabs his head hard to steady him and takes a section of hair. She is just about to trim it when Kelso starts rocking back and forth in the chair.   KELSO (cont’d): Oh, and the best part? At the end of every haircut, they’d give me a lollipop.   He turns around to look at Laurie expectantly.   KELSO (cont’d): Do you have lollipops?   LAURIE: SHUT UP!   She grabs his head with both hands, yanks it forward, and locks it in place as well as she can with her elbows as she starts to trim a section of his hair.   Kelso’s eyes dart around the mirror of the vanity, and he starts to laugh.   KELSO: You know, the lady barber used to wear the same kind of sweaters in the winter. But that didn’t stop me.   Laurie slaps him on the back of the head with her comb, then goes back to work.   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT   Red, dressed for work, is asleep in his chair, a magazine in his lap. Slow zoom in as we cut to:   INT. PRICE MART – DAY   DREAM SEQUENCE. A badly-aged Red, now a janitor in a smock, has his ear to the break room door. He goes back to mopping as it opens. A grayed, pale Eric steps out, in a Price Mart manager’s suit.   ERIC: Hey, Dad. Good news. Just got another raise.   RED: Well, good for you. (aside) You dumb bastard.   ERIC: Yeah, I tell ya. If they keep throwing money at me like this, I might be able to get my own apartment soon.   Red rolls his eyes.   RED: For God’s sake, you’re 57 years old!   ERIC: Oh...   Red takes Eric’s shoulder and shakes it gently.   RED: Eric, why didn’t you listen to me? If you’d gone to college, you could’ve really been something.   ERIC: Been something? Whoa. You’re talking to the interim assistant weekend manager of housewares here, okay? Yeah. Show some respect.   RED: Well, aren’t you just the president of Turd Town?   CUT TO:   INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM - NIGHT   Red jerks awake. He shakes his head, stands, and starts to pace.   Eric, also dressed for work, enters from the kitchen.   ERIC: Dad, I’ve been thinking about why you went so crazy and yelled at me, and I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re crazy and you like to yell at me.   Red puts a hand on Eric’s shoulder.   RED: There’s something you gotta know. You’re... well... you’re an idiot.   ERIC: (beat) Oh, great. A pep talk.   RED: Sit down.   They both sit on the couch.   RED (cont’d): When I was your age, I thought I had it all, too. Great job at the plants, nice steady paycheck. Just enough to, you know, string me along for 30 years or so, and for what? So they could toss me out on my ass when things got tough.   ERIC: Dad, I’m not gonna -   RED: Look. Don’t get me wrong. I admire your work ethic, but you deserve better than Price Mart. You’re a smart guy. And I’m... I’m proud of you.   He stands, and Eric follows.   ERIC: Whoa! Really? You... you think I’m smart? You’re proud of me?   RED: Oh, jeez. What, you gonna ruin this now by talking?   ERIC: Listen, Dad... if I’m still working at Price Mart when I’m your – older – please, kill me.   RED: You don’t have to ask twice, Son.   Eric laughs.   ERIC: Ah, yes. That’s my dad.   They both laugh as Red pats Eric’s shoulder again.   A scream sounds, and they both look to the stairs.   KELSO (v.o.): Laurie, no! A cut and a style is one thing, but that is where I draw the line!   LAURIE (v.o.): It’s part of the exam, you idiot! Now, sit down!   KELSO (v.o.): NO! Get away!   Kelso, still wearing the barber’s cape, his hair wet and slicked back, races down the stairs, tripping at the bottom. He struggles to disentangle himself from the cape. Laurie starts down the stairs after him, an applicator in her hand. Kelso tears the cape off, throws it at her, races through the living room, and disappears into the kitchen. Laurie runs to the middle of the living room and stomps her foot.   LAURIE: (after Kelso) Get back here!   She stomps her foot again, sighs, and looks over at Red.   LAURIE (cont’d): (to Red) Daddy – would you like to be a blonde?   Eric chuckles as Red puts a hand over his face and sinks down into the couch.   CUT TO:   INT. PETERSON HOUSE - NIGHT   A rocking party is underway. Rock music plays in the background, teens dance where they stand, and a large keg is set up in the hallway.   Donna and Fez, both with beer cups in hand, move down the hall. Donna guides Fez to an unassuming door.   FEZ: Oh, Donna, I don’t know about this.   DONNA: Fez, relax. You’ll love this. Trust me.   FEZ: Okay. I trust you. But there is no penalty in this game if I can’t do it for all the seven minutes, right?   Donna laughs and pats Fez on the back. She opens the door and gives Fez a nudge inside.   CUT TO:   INT. GUEST BEDROOM – NIGHT   The guest bed is neatly made, and the room is lit with many candles on the dressers and nightstands. Caroline is pacing up and down the room. She stops as Fez enters. They smile at one another, and both move to sit on the bed, a few inches apart. They both look straight ahead.   FADE TO:   Some moments later. They both still look straight ahead, but Caroline’s head is resting on Fez’s shoulder. Fez reaches out with his hand to take Caroline’s. They look at each other and smile.   FADE TO BLACK   CREDITS   INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT   Hyde is in his chair, and Jackie is on the couch. A chess board rests on the table between them. Hyde is down to his king, while Jackie has her king, queen, and both knights. She titters with excitement.   JACKIE: Well, did I do it? Huh?   HYDE: (beat) Queen and knight checkmate.   Jackie screams and throw her hands in the air. Hyde topples his king over and nods.   HYDE (cont’d): You’re getting the hang of it, man.   JACKIE: Yeah, so, what really helped me was to think of the queen (picks queen up) as me, the castles (picks rook up) as tough back-up like Donna, the horses (picks knight up) as unicorns, and your pieces (indicates Hyde’s king) as a bunch of dirty little Michaels.   She claps and bends over the game, while Hyde sits back in his chair.   END.