#but the fuck am i defending against now? im not actively in college for a few months i dont have (read: can't find) a job i do nothing 24/7

[emberglowfox]

i often call my dissociation 'autopilot' because it works well as an explanation but my god do i feel like an actual robot on autopilot these days. not just because 'i'm not in control of myself' or whatever, that's normal, but because i feel like the autopilot is beginning to break down. i've been zoned out for so long that it's run out of normal behavior to reference, so it's referencing what was a shoddy replica to begin with, and that results in a lot of oddities

mostly i've been noticing myself happily responding to people without actually even looking in their direction. like my eyes and head will just lock and i'll go a whole conversation animatedly replying while looking in the wrong spot (i'm usually very good about eye contact, or at the very least looking at people). also my reaction time / processing speed is waaaay slowed to the point where i'm starting to get nervous about driving so. that's cool

[youreacowgirllikeme]

Time Will Tell: Part Three

note: this is for @peppermintschnappss , who requested a part three (read part ONE and TWO here) so here we go, enjoy :)

words: 3k

warnings: swearing, smut

“The jury finds the defendant not guilty of the accused charges.“

Hearing the verdict felt like the biggest weight had just dropped off your shoulders, you were so relieved that you could barely make out the judge dismissing the court over the sound of your pulse hammering in your ears.

You had just won your first case for your new employer, it had been the first client you had dealt with all on your own, a case of alleged tax fraud, and you had nailed it.

With a big smile on your face, you quickly congratulated your client and, after a short talk with the prosecutor, made your way out of the courtroom, a spring in your step.

Just before you reached the door, the sound of a familiar voice behind you made you stop in your tracks.

“You did it, champ.”

Turning around, you came face to face with your colleague, but more importantly, boyfriend, Chris.

You were surprised to see him, and immediately threw your hands around his neck to kiss him, not caring about the fact that you were technically still in the court room.

“Chris, what are you doing here? Did you watch the trial?” You asked after breaking the kiss.

“Of course I did. It was your first one for the firm, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Actually, I’m here to pick you up. We’re celebrating.”

+++

“You did this all by yourself?”

You took in the living room of Chris apartment with wide eyes. He had put up a beautiful dinner table, and there was a delicious smell coming from the kitchen.

“You’re such a sap.” You said, a bit choked up. „Thank you so much, baby. “

“Only for you, superstar.” Chris replied, leaning down to kiss you deeply. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your body to his. He was warm and solid, and when his hands wandered down to squeeze your ass, dinner wasn’t your top priority anymore.

"Do you think we can maybe re-heat the food later?” You gasped against Chris lips, pulling his shirt out of his trousers to run your hands over his abs.

“Fuck, yes.” he murmured, grabbing your hand and dragging you to the bedroom.

+++

“Oooh here she comes, trying for the outside jump.” Chris exclaimed, before bursting out laughing as you totally missed the hoop.

“Sweetheart, I‘m so sorry, but that was pathetic.”

You flipped him the bird, running to collect the ball and throwing it at Chris with all the force you could manage. He effortlessly caught it and shot it through the hoop like it was nothing.

“Show-off.” you murmured, sitting down on the bench on the side of the basketball court. You were done, Chris had tried to teach you his favorite game for hours now, but you didn’t manage to make any progress. You just weren’t cut out for ball sports.

“Don’t beat yourself up, baby. It took me forever when I first started playing.” Chris said, slumping down next to you and wrapping his arm around your shoulder to pull your close.

“Stop it, im gross and sweaty.” You giggled, trying to push him away, but he just laughed and pressed a kiss to your head. His laugh was your favorite sound in the world, so you stopped wriggling and leaned against his shoulder.

“Who taught you to play like that anyway?” you asked, looking up and noticing a far away look on Chris‘ face.

“My dad did.” He said, his voice oddly quiet now. “It was our favorite activity when I was a teenager.” He paused for a moment, and you decided to wait and let him speak. “For a long time, it basically was our only one. You know, with him being governor and everything, he wasn’t around a lot, or had any free time.”

“I’m sorry, Chris.” you whispered.

“It’s alright.” He dismissed you, still sounding a bit strained. “My big brother stepped up for a lot of stuff, you know. Homework, making sure I didn’t get in trouble, he even helped me with my college applications and everything. He’s an ass most off the time, but I still love him, and I’m grateful for everything he has done for me.” He chuckled. “But he can’t play basketball for shit.”

“Sounds like he and I have something in common then.” You noted, trying not to sound awkward. The topic of Chris’ family was still foreign terrain, you hadn’t met them yet, and had decided to give Chris space and wait for him to bring it up himself. You were also slightly nervous, because there was no way Chris hadn’t told them about you, his college nemesis.

Deciding to change the topic and cheer your boyfriend up, you picked up the ball again.

“Do you still have enough energy for another round, Cuomo?” You asked smugly. “If you’d rather go home and take a nap, just say so, would be totally fine.”

Chris laughed, and snatched the ball right out of your hands with ease. You were happy to see him lighten up.

“Please, as if playing against you would require any energy.”

+++

The topic of Chris childhood didn’t come up for another few weeks, you had noticed that he avoided talking about it and were wise enough not to pressure him.

Everything was going fine until Chris lost a big case for a very high-end client. The man had clearly been guilty, and not even your boyfriend had been able to get him out, despite his talent as an attorney.

It was the talk off the whole firm the next day, Chris hadn’t lost a case in ages, and never such an important one. He had been on edge ever since the trial, but it was what happened in the morning meeting that made him snap.

The reason was Smith, another associate and Chris’ number one opponent for the spot of the next junior partner of the firm. You hated the guy, he was vile and clearly only in it for the money. He couldn’t keep his mouth shut, and started to attack Chris during the morning meeting.

“Great job you did yesterday, Cuomo.” he snarled, his voice sounding through the whole conference room. “I wonder how many clients your incompetence will cost us. People are already talking.”

You could feel Chris going rigid beside you and carefully put your hand on his back in an attempt to calm him.

“Don’t let him get to you.” You whispered “He wants to rile you up.”

When the man continued to speak, you could see Chris’ jaw going tense, which was never a good sign.

“Seriously, boss, Cuomo is a basket case, how is he still working for us after that fuck-up? Oh, wait, I know it, I’m sure daddy pulled some strings for his little boy.”

You couldn’t prevent what was happening next. Chris surged forward with a angry growl, already taking a swing at the guy.

“Shut your fucking mouth!” he hissed, backing Smith up against a wall. He was considerably larger, and the fearful expression on the guys face paired with Chris raised fist made chaos break loose as multiple people were trying to get him away from the smaller man.

“Gentlemen, stop this!” your boss thundered over the agitated voices of your fellow coworkers “Smith, see me right away. I won’t tolerate this kind of behavior. Cuomo, take a walk and then get to work. Come to my office after you’re done tonight.”

Chris gave Smith another deadly stare before storming out of the room. You shot your boss an anxious glance, but he just nodded, signalling you to go after Chris.

You hastily followed your boyfriend, only to see him disappear into his office at the end of the hallway. Carefully, you approached the closed door and entered without knocking.

Chris was slumped in his chair, face buried in his hands. Seeing him like this made you want to go back and punch Smith in his stupid face.

“Hey.” you whispered, gently reaching out to put your hand on Chris shoulder.

He raised his head, and the look of fury and sadness in his eyes almost broke your heart.

"Fuck, I should not have lost control like this back in there.” he said “But this guy has been testing me for so long now, always with the same bullshit.”

He got up from his chair and started pacing around the small room.

“You know how often I’ve heard this crap before, Y/N? That I’m just where I am because of my family name? That my father paved the way for everything I’ve ever succeeded in?”

You swallowed, a churning feeling in your stomach. You knew exactly what he was talking about, because for years you’ve been one of the main people saying just that. You wanted to speak, but Chris interrupted you.

“Those people out there, they know nothing about me. They don’t know how it was to have a father who was absent all the time, to be constantly teased in school. To be ripped out of the life you knew to move to fucking Albany, this stupid one horse town where everyone knew your name, and go to this school full of pricks who all made fun of me and bullied me because of my family. I never asked to be in the fucking spotlight.”

By now, Chris was almost screaming, and there was a kind of emotion in his voice you’ve never heard before, he sounded desperate and sad in a way that made tears well up in your eyes.

“Still, I worked my ass off in that stupid school, and I got into Yale. Only for people to say the exact same shit about me again, and this drags through my whole life, Y/N. I can never get rid of this, I avoided politics and tried to do my own thing here, but everything I’ll ever be to people is the son of the fucking governor, who in their eyes, never worked a day in his life.”

You were frozen to your spot, just watching Chris through a veil of tears. Guilt and dread were clawing in your stomach, it had never occurred to you that all the things you said in the past had not only been far from the thruth, but had also hurt Chris so profoundly. He had always seemed so cool and unfazed during your arguments.

“Chris.” You began. “You’re more to me. You’re a brilliant attorney, the boss has talked about how great you are at the job the second I arrived here and hasn’t stopped since. Smith is jealous because he knows he’ll never reach your level, not as a lawyer and much less as a person. You are kind, and the most intelligent and dedicated man I know. You’re everything I always thought you weren‘t, and that I am one of the people who hurt you this way makes me sick. I cant even begin to tell you how sorry I am for being so shallow.”

You were crying now, tears rolling down your face. Chris looked devastated, hurrying to you to pull you into a tight embrace.

“I’ve forgiven you a long time ago, baby. You’ve been my rock ever since we’ve met again, and that makes up for every silly row we had in college.” He pressed a kiss to your hair, and you sighted, nuzzling your face into his chest, your tears soaking into his dress shirt.

“You probably have to change this.” You whispered, tugging on a wet patch on the fabric.

“I have a spare one in here, don’t worry.” Chris replied, taking your face into his hands to kiss you deeply. “We’re not the people we used to be, Y/N. Don’t beat yourself up, and I’ll try to do the same, promise.”

+++

Soon afterwards, you had to leave to meet up with a client for your current case. You had been running around the whole day without a break, and without hearing anything from Chris.

It was almost eight by now, and you were starting to get worried. Pacing your living room, you were anxiously waiting for Chris to arrive. He had told you to not wait up at the firm but promised to come to your apartment as soon as his talk with the boss was over.

The sign of the bell made you spin around and run to your door, yanking it open. Chris was standing outside your apartment, and the big smile on his face erased your anxiety in a heartbeat.

“You’re looking at a freshly promoted junior partner, sweetheart.” He grinned, and whatever he wanted to say next was interrupted by you throwing yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck with a squeal.

“Oh my god, baby, congratulations.” You exclaimed, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Tell me everything!”

Chris followed you into your flat, discarding his suit jacket and letting himself fall onto your couch.

“I still haven’t fully realized what happened.” He began. “I was sure the boss would kick my ass for the way I behaved this morning, maybe even suspend me for a while. But he just told me off really quickly, and then he started talking about how that case I lost was impossible to win anyway, and how good my work has been for the past years. And then he offered me the junior partner position, just like that. I accepted of course.”

He smiled, and there was a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I can’t wait to rub that into Smiths stupid face. One of the paralegals told me he got a big ass whooping by the boss after the meeting this morning.”

"Serves him right, that little asshole.” You replied, before leaning over to kiss Chris again. “I’m so proud of you, you deserve this like no one else. Now that I think about it, how does champagne sound?”

“Wow, so were going to be fancy tonight?” Chris chuckled.

“If you becoming a junior partner doesn’t call for champagne, what does?” you responded, getting up to fetch the drinks from the kitchen.

You handed Chris a glass and clinked your own against his. “To you, Mr. Big Shot lawyer.”

The champagne sent a pleasant, fuzzy feeling through your stomach, and you let your eyes fall on your boyfriend, taking in how good he was looking in the warm light of the room.

“You know, I always had a thing for attorneys.” You murmured, setting down your glass to put your hands on Chris chest.

Chris laughed, and set his glass aside as well, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “Is that so, huh? Well today is your lucky day then, I just got promoted and I’m in the mood to celebrate.”

His hot breath sent a shiver down your spine, and you tilted your head, exposing your neck to Chris, who instantly started kissing and sucking the smooth skin. You moaned softly and started to unbutton Chris shirt with shaking fingers.

“Bedroom?” he asked, and you nodded enthusiastically, taking his hand to pull him to the other room. Both of you quickly shed your clothes before you dropped to your knees in front of Chris, closing your lips around his already hard cock.

“Jesus, Y/N.” he murmured, stroking your hair as you fully took him into your mouth. “So perfect, baby.”

You wrapped you hand around the base of his length, stroking him while moving your head up and down. Suddenly, Chris hand grabbed your hair and softly pushed you away.

“If you keep it up like that, this will be over soon, and I’m not done with you, sweetheart. Get on the bed, baby.”

You quickly complied, laying down on the duvet and looking up at Chris expectantly.

He climbed on top of you and started stroking your inner thighs with his fingers, softly nudging your legs apart.

“I bet youre already wet for me, baby.” He murmured, voice smooth and dark as his fingers dipped between your legs. “I knew it.”

“Chris.” You whined at the feeling of his fingers brushing over your clit. “Fuck me, please.”

“Patience, baby.” Chris replied and continued to tease you, softly circling your bud with increasing pressure until you were sobbing, legs shaking as you fell apart under his touch.

While you were still riding out your climax, Chris slid between your legs and pushed into you. You cried out as he started to move, you were still so sensitive that you could feel yourself already approaching the next orgasm.

“Shit, baby, you’re tight, I’m not gonna last.” Chris grunted, his thrusts were already getting more erratic.

“Let go, baby.” You whispered, your voice breaking as you reached your peak again, pulling Chris with you this time.

+++

Afterwards, you laid next to each other, Chris arm loosely slung around you as you played with a lock of his hair. His blue eyes found yours, and you had to smile, your heart fluttering when he smiled back at you.

“It’s funny.” Chris suddenly said, “So many things happened today, but the only thing I care about right now is that you’re here with me.”

He propped himself up on his elbow to properly look at you.

“I would’ve never thought that this” he gestured between the two of you “could happen.”

“Not in a thousand years.” You agreed, laughing softly.

Chris face got serious, and he reached out to softly stroke your cheek.

“If you want, I’d like to introduce you to my family this weekend, Y/N. You know that I’m a private person and talking about emotions isn’t exactly my strong suit. But you make me really happy, and I want everyone to know.”

“I’d love to meet them.” You whispered, and the smile that took over Chris face made you forget your nervousness.

Everything would be fine.

[shituationist]

 SHITHOLE ORG

Not only did Turning Point refuse to accurately report on the facts of the event, but you assured us you would have our backs when we did receive this onslaught of harassment online, and from other Turning Point chapters. Instead, Turning Point not only did nothing about this, but invited one of the bullies to speak on stage at the Student Action Summit in Florida this past December. Meanwhile, I have been disciplined by Turning Point national and Charlie Kirk himself for defending myself against other Turning Point members who came after me. Strangely, these same individuals were allowed to criticize us free of charge.

Although I thought the safe space event was funny and have zero remorse for holding it, I took full responsibility for it when Turning Point failed to show any leadership. I had zero obligation to act in this manner, however my heart and soul were still dedicated to helping this organization grow as much as possible. With this, I swallowed my pride, apologized and moved forward in the direction that Turning Point wanted me to. Since then, I have worked tirelessly to make the event a thing of the past, and make Turning Point at Kent most remembered for the values we represent, rather than the event we held.

Looking to help the chapter move into a new direction, I have been eager to host guest speakers, and plan big events for my final semester of college. However, despite Frankie giving me the go-ahead to host the NRA at my campus all the way back in October, no headway has been made in getting them to Kent more than four months later. After asking Frankie if I could organize this event myself, he refused to let me do so. Still, all these months later, zero events have been planned for our chapter, and neither of you have offered us any help. You would think having one of the most active chapters in the country, and wanting to help Kent State get a better name for its chapter, you would be jumping at the opportunity to secure us big name speakers. Instead, you can’t even help us coordinate a single, menial event, let alone a speaker.

I have tried time and time again to reach out to the two of you to get an event scheduled, and neither of you seem to have the time to get back to me, despite it being your job to do so. Why are they paying you to help grow chapters if you can’t even answer a text? I get more of a response when Frankie wants to argue with me about why he is agreeing with people who call me a Nazi on Twitter, rather than getting the NRA to campus.

Last semester, Frankie told us we were not allowed to bring Kyle Chapman (the Based Stickman) to our campus since Turning Point wants to distance itself from the alt-right, despite him being a Constitutionalist Ron Paul supporter. Meanwhile, Frankie was liking tweets from notorious Charlottesville attendee and white nationalist icon, James Allsup.

Last semester, Frankie told us we were not allowed to bring Kyle Chapman (the Based Stickman) to our campus since Turning Point wants to distance itself from the alt-right, despite him being a Constitutionalist Ron Paul supporter. Meanwhile, Frankie was liking tweets from notorious Charlottesville attendee and white nationalist icon, James Allsup.

Furthermore, you have been fully aware of the increasing levels of drama within our chapter, and offered to help mediate the situation back in December. As it has reached unbearable levels in the last few weeks, you two assured me you would handle the situation accordingly. Instead, you won’t take my phone calls at the times you tell me you want to talk to me, and can’t even so much as respond to a text yet again. You were also made aware of how this has started to affect my emotional health, and still refuse to take me seriously, and act as the leaders you are supposed to be. You had me believing you would have my back, but have instead left me alone once again. I did not have a choice to go to anyone else, and you assured me you would handle the situation.

As of right now, I am in disbelief at how I went from being so upbeat, enthusiastic, and passionate about this organization to being disgusted, frustrated, and embarrassed to have invested my entire senior year into an organization founded by a college dropout who hires some of the most incompetent, lazy, and downright dishonest people I have ever encountered. While Turning Point USA is a career for the two of you, for some of us it was a passion. Instead of recognizing this, you put your paychecks ahead of the principles you claim to represent, and turned your most dedicated activists away from your organization.

The diaper-clad right-wingers who organized a protest against “safe spaces” (can you imagine a dumber use of time and financial resources?) is quitting the organization and disbanding the chapter after Charlie Kirk failed to shield them from “online harassment”.

Why is this such a common theme on the right? Talking up a big game about how hard they are to offend, then whining for literal months about the “harassment” they faced on the internet, when they put themselves out as public figures against policies designed to protect students from harassment? Tuck your tail and run on home, kiddos.

Even sadder is that TPUSA, which receives millions of dollars from rich conservative donors, is unable to actually coordinate internal affairs with any semblance of effectiveness. I really suspect that TPUSA is just a scheme for Charlie Kirk to launch himself into media stardom, although it’s failing at even that since Kirk is apparently not creative enough in his (ab)use of language to inspire anything other than sneers and laughs.

However through all of this, I am thankful for something. I have realized how much of a shithole organization Turning Point USA is, and am glad I got out of this bullshit before I invested my whole life into it, let alone just my senior year of college. Now that I have a clear conscience and have no desire to continue my employment with Turning Point, I will have the time to find a real job, something I recommend for you. Maybe answering to business professionals rather than college dropouts, egotistic enough to put their face on stupid memes, will give you the leadership skills you desperately need for your positions.

What a fucking joke. Conservatives are the easiest people on the planet to scam. Anyone giving their money or time to Charlie Kirk deserves to be robbed by him.

[i-amthenugget]

long ass vent or something so read @ ur own risk

So we venting because I gotta type all this shit out so that I can get over it or something u know? Ok so. Vent undercut!

I had this friend who I never rlly felt like I could state my opinion with. They're rlly opinionated and a few times if I had an opinion they didn't agree with they would just not talk to me for like a day or two. We were in this group chat, and I'd be active in the group chat and I'd see them reading my texts and never responding despite them being one of the people who responded pretty normally most of the time. Obviously people can just be busy sometimes but it happened a lot after they disagreed with me and I feel like most of the time they were just ghosting me. So basically I agreed with them on a lot of things I didn't rlly agree on, and I'd put a lot of thought into some texts because some times I just didn't know what kind of things might make them ghost me. It honestly made me feel like shit a lot of the time and I never brought it up because what if they just ghosted me? And they're friends with a lot of my friends so I'm thinking "wow what if this makes them hate me, and then our friends decide they'd choose them over me, etc." and I didn't want to lose all my friends! Especially when we're all in college and don't see each other as much. Admittedly I should not have to worry that my friends will choose someone over me. But I'm anxious about it so I'm preparing for the worst. So I stay quiet about these things.

But a month or maybe a month and half ago, my mother volunteers me to babysit some kids. And I'm in the group chat like "I don't like kids why would I get volunteered for this, don't get me wrong I wouldn't be an asshole to kids but I'd like to avoid them." To which they disagree with me. Obviously they think it's pretty shitty of me to not like kids. I've gotten this a lot and I'm over it. I'm like. I'm not an asshole to kids. I think they're annoying and don't like looking after them and don't want any kids. But I know it's not they're fault their kids! I'm not gonna be rude to kids just because they're kids. But I still don't like them! I say this in the group chat but this friend ain't rlly having it so they don't talk to me for the day or whatever and I'm still going about my business like I normally would. But the time passes and I'm like. Nah fuck it. I'm sick of being ghosted. So in retaliation, I ghost them. I was like if ur gonna ghost me all the time I will simply ghost u back! And at the time I was upset with another friend in the group chat so I left the group chat. I didn't talk to the original friend at all, though I easily expressed my feelings to the other one and every thing was fine with them.

After a week this friend comes and dms me and apologizes for disagreeing with me about kids. This isn't the main reason I'm not talking to them, but they're actually apologizing and that's wild. As I said before they're rlly opinionated so I feel like they wouldn't often apologize for having different opinions. So I go back to the group chat and everything's fine for like a day.

But then they're just not responding to anything for awhile. I'm thinking. Well I didn't do anything wrong.... must be a personal problem? They're posting on their Snapchat story that they're crying a ton and so I dm them I'm like. "Hey idk how to show u I rlly do care about u other than saying I think u should talk to someone." I'm rlly trying to help! But they snap at me in response! They're like "what makes you think I'm not talking to people" and I'm really trying to be more open with them so I let them know, I say I feel like they aren't usually the kind of person to talk about what's bothering them and they tell me they are talking to people and I'm like. Ok then. Sorry for trying u know??? And then they go back to not saying anything.

A few days pass and they go in the group chat accusing me and another friend of vaguing about them on twitter. They had posted something about kpop fans never shutting up on their tumblr, and around that time I had posted on twitter saying that I never shut up about things way before I got into kpop. I had posted this because my dad was complaining about it and I was sick of it. But someone sent them an anon on tumblr saying that that's just how all fandoms are, and they thought I was the anon! So they stalked me on twitter (they never followed me so they wouldn't have seen my post otherwise) and concluded that I must've seen their tumblr post, sent them an anon, and then vagued about it on twitter. I don't follow them on tumblr so I didn't even see the post until they brought it up in the group chat.

But still they're accusing me of this. I tell them I wasn't vaguing about them, it was in fact about my family, etc. they're saying it's too much of a coincidence. But I didn't vague! So what am I gonna do?? I'm not gonna apologize because I blatantly didn't do anything? Not to mention they brought it up in the group chat. There were two other people in that group chat that had nothing to do with the whole situation, but this friend decided it was "their right to know the whole story" like. What? But they have nothing to do with it? But ok.

Anyway my other friend admits that she was vaguing, and they have their own argument, and then the original friend says we all need to change.

Like. I still never did anything wrong and I simply don't see how I need to change? So I say I have nothing to change and everything ends there and it's like. Ok awkward ig. But things eventually continue as normal in the group chat, except they seem to refuse to say almost anything to me.

A week passed and I'm like. I'm sick of this fr and I text them like "anyway do u hate me now??" And they're like "I don't hate u but I need some space and we both need to work hard but u said u don't need to change so it'll be awhile before we can become friends again" (ofc I am paraphrasing this all so take that how u will). I'm like. Wym I need to change? I didn't do anything wrong??? Ur the one who accused me of vaguing when I didn't??? Ur the one who ghosted all the time??? They're like "how was I supposed to know you weren't vaguing about me?" And "I was saying we all need to change so that we can all be more honest with each other and open with each other" like. Any time I wasn't honest with you I was just agreeing with you so that you wouldn't ghost me but okay I'm definitely one of the people at fault for not being able to trust each other. I STILL don't know what they mean "we need to be more open and honest with each other" like? Any other time I was open and honest with them??? But also they're like "you ghosted me for a week because we argued about kids" and then they accused me of saying they weren't important enough for me to think about! Okay I NEVER did that?? And I have a friend who agreed they don't remember me ever saying that. The most I might've said is "not everything's about you" harsh perhaps but! Not what they claimed I said. Not to mention I didn't ghost you for a week because of kids I ghosted you because I was sick of you ghosting me! But ok! Anyway they go on to say that "if we can't figure this out without fighting then we shouldn't be friends" Pretty much all I've done is defend myself against ur accusations and say I don't need to change because I don't. But like ok! I'm like. I never said you weren't important and I'm justified in my ghosting! They did that shit and just had everything go back to normal so many times I think I can be mad once okay. Im rlly like. U know what I've been a good friend??? And I don't think I need to change and this is ur loss. They're rlly like "I didn't say u weren't allowed to get mad but ur getting on my case for ghosting when u just did the exact same thing" like yeah me doing it once in retaliation to ALL the times you did it is definitely equal to u doing it over any disagreement..... ok! They were like "I've swallowed my pride and apologized" and I'm like. Honestly? U've hardly apologized u've been a shitty friend and I'm glad u think u need to change because u rlly fuckin do and I hope ur able to do that for ur friends in the future! So we ain't friends anymore and I'm not in that group chat!

But rlly y'all?? They're behavior was lowkey reminding me of this bitch of a toxic ass friend I had for a bit and due to the aftermath of that friendship I tried to kill myself so like?

But again the problem here is like. We still have mutual friends and I would never expect them to choose between us two or anything but. They've known each other a lot longer and I've never had friends for a long time due to having to move around a lot as a kid and stuff and I'm just sick of losing friends and being lonely y'all,

But I stood up for myself for once! jokes on me I stand up for myself one (1) time and everything goes to shit huh.

Anyway is this rant considering vaguing??? Smh they blocked me so I doubt they'd see it but. It's not vague enough to be vaguing and even if it was who cares I feel like I'm allowed to vent about it by now. On no I told all two followers about this, how terrible of me. 

 Perhaps im bitter,,, I'm going through it rn y'all