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madaqueue · 10 months ago

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eternally, yours

chapter 1 | gratitude

synopsis: 'forever' is a peculiar concept - how can something persist, unchanged, throughout time? when our bodies halt their aging, do our minds continue to evolve? do our hearts? choso was comfortable with his version of forever, one of solitary loneliness; that is, until he meets you. forced to confront the harsh realities of being human, the fragility of life, his definition of 'forever' changes as he stares down the barrel of eternity.

pairing: vampire!choso kamo x f!reader

themes/content: non-curse modern au. mentions of child physical abuse, medical setting, blood. 18+, MDNI

word count: 1.9k

a/n: YAY new series RAAAAAH!!! will be updating this one a little less frequently (aka not everyday) but i hope y'all like it :)

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Intoxicating.

The first word that comes to Choso’s mind when he sees you is absolutely, utterly intoxicating. The bright lights overhead seem to dim, the sound of the machines whirring and beeping quiet as his focus turns to you and only you. Something within your aura, your soul, your very life force, seems to draw him to you inexplicably, feet moving on their own as he crosses the cold linoleum to stand before you.

“Are you the doctor?” your voice wavers in his silence, eyes moving up his tall figure, currently clad in a white coat, before landing on his eyes.

Blinking, he struggles to anchor himself back to reality. “Y-yes,” he stammers. “I’m Dr. Kamo, I’ll be taking care of your brother today.”

The uncomfortable faux leather of the hospital chair creaks as you adjust in your seat, muscles sore after waiting hours to finally be seen. Normally you’d pay more attention to the man before you - his striking black irises and the tattoo that covers the bridge of his nose, the dark circles ringing his eyes, or how his hair frays messily from the buns currently pulling it back - but right now, you’re just too damn tired.

“‘S’nice to meet you,” you murmur, gaze turning to the floor as you rest your head on your palm.

There’s a certain exhaustion to your voice, a deep fatigue Choso knows all too well, seeing how you shift, struggling to find a way to rest the weight of your bones.

“Tell me what happened,” he asks, shoving his nervousness down as he pulls over a rolling stool to sit between you and the hospital bed where your brother currently sleeps.

Raking your hands through your hair, a sigh leaves your lips. “He fell,” you state.

“He…fell?” Choso echoes, a hint of disbelief in his voice.

Glancing at your brother, the sounds of screaming replays through your mind, the broken glass, his small body hitting the floor. The yells echo through your thoughts as your eyes cover him, his dark hair only barely covering the open wound on his forehead, his uninjured arm cradling his likely dislocated shoulder. You nod. “He fell.”

Blinking, Choso pauses. He ignores the fact that these injuries are almost impossible with a fall, the fact that somehow a six-year-old would have ‘fallen’ at 2:30 a.m., the fact that you can’t make eye contact with him as you speak. Instead, he just nods. “Okay,” he breathes. “Well, we need to get some scans to see if anything is broken, and that cut definitely needs some stitches.”

“Do what you need to do,” you wave your hand in accordance.

“It’s just…” he trails off, “you’re his sister, right?”

You nod.

“Well, for minors, we need-”

“I’m his guardian,” you state curtly, gaze traveling from the floor to meet his, an unintentional coldness behind your eyes. Noticing how the man across from you flinches slightly, you soften apologetically. “Sorry, I didn’t-”

“Nothing to apologize for,” he smiles forgivingly, moving to stand. “I imagine it’s been a long night. I’ll go put some orders in and I’ll be back in a bit.”

With a gentle wave, he steps out of the room, leaving you in the ambiance of unfamiliar medical machinery with a wounded brother.

As promised, a few moments later a flurry of technicians and other staff comes in to take your brother for his scans, reluctantly waking him from the rest you know he so badly needs. Less than an hour later, you’re met another knock on the door before it tentatively swings open.

“Hey,” Choso’s familiar gravelly voice calls. Seeing your brother awake, albeit a bit groggy, on the bed, he cracks a wide grin. “You must be Megumi, right?”

Hearing his name, your brother nods politely, careful not to disturb the IVs and monitors poking from his skin. A precaution, the medical team called the wires and tubes they attached to him, but all you can think about is how small, how fragile, it makes him look.

“Well, Megumi, I’m Dr. Kamo, and let me be the first to say, you’re a pretty tough guy,” Choso smiles.

The sweetest giggle leaves your brother’s lips as Choso crosses the room to sit on the edge of his hospital bed.

“You got pretty banged up, buddy, but the good news is that nothing’s broken,” Choso continues explaining. “You are gonna need a sling for your shoulder, though, but you can pick any color you want for it, and I’m gonna stitch up that cut on your forehead.”

“Is it gonna hurt?” Megumi’s voice calls softly, lifting a hand to the wound on his skin.

“It might for most people, but I’ve got a feeling you’re pretty strong, so you’ll be okay, right tough guy?”

Megumi grins, another laugh leaving his throat as he flexes the muscles on his non-injured arm. “Yeah, I’m tough!”

“Then let’s get to it,” Choso chuckles.

You watch in silence as the man wraps Megumi’s shoulder, the dark blue cloth covering his arm and holding it in place. Reaching into a metal drawer near his bedside, he then carefully threads a needle through your brother’s skin, his rough hands moving so gracefully, so precisely. Megumi winces occasionally, evoking a pause from Choso until the boy flashes a thumbs up, allowing him to continue. When he’s completed the task, tying the stitches closed with a knot, he moves to let Megumi to find his reflection in the mirror across the room, admiring his work.

“Woah,” Megumi muses softly, his fingertips grazing the suture, “looks cool.”

“Looks very cool,” Choso confirms with a grin. Turning to you, he tilts his head towards the door, signaling you outside. “I’ll be back in a second, buddy, just gotta chat with your sister,” he explains, placing a gentle hand on Megumi’s shoulder before leading you outside.

The hallway is brighter than the room you just left, your eyes struggling to adjust to the fluorescent lights and the soft bustle of hospital staff moving around you. Even though tiredness weighs on your body, you force yourself to meet Choso’s gaze.

“He’s gonna need to wear the sling for at least a month, and he’ll need to be seen in about a week to get the stitches out,” he begins.

As you look into his eyes, you notice just how dark they are, black pools set within exhaustion. He’s hauntingly beautiful, a chill running up your spine as you take him in, surely just because the hospital is so cold, because you’ve been here for so long, because everything is becoming too much.

Tears begin to prick at your eyes, the lack of sleep starting to affect you more than you’d care to admit. Before you know it, your arms are thrown around Choso’s torso, firm through the layers of his scrubs.

“Thank you,” you mutter into him before pulling away, stunned at your own show of affection.

He seems equally surprised, his lips parted slightly as he forces an awkward chuckle. “It’s just my job,” he hums.

You aren’t sure if it’s your tiredness getting to you, but you swear his cheeks flush as you pull away from him. You nod, murmuring another thanks as you step back into your brother’s room, readying him to return home.

In your absence, Choso stands stunned in the hallway, the feeling of you lingering on him, unable to move from this spot.

All he can think about is you, the warmth of your body as your arms wrapped around him, his thoughts buzzing as images of you flash through his mind. He knows something is wrong inside of him; he’s never felt like this before, never felt this absolutely consumed by someone, especially someone he’s only just met. Yet something about you, something indescribable, made him want you - need you - in a carnal way, his body aching for more.

In Megumi’s room, you similarly can’t get the way Choso felt in your arms out of your mind. There was something in him, beyond his strength, his stature, that you couldn’t stop thinking about. He felt cold.

Peeking your head out of the room he’s nowhere to be seen, surely lost in the business of late-night hospital work. Grabbing Megumi’s things, you guide your brother through the building and out to your car, sinking into the plush of the seats.

Reaching to the passenger seat, you brush his bangs from his eyes as he rests his head against the window. “You were very brave,” you murmur softly, continuing to stroke his hair.

“I know,” he whispers, eyes fluttering shut, desperate for rest.

“I wish you didn’t have to be.”

“I know.”

You drive in silence, your brother asleep next to you as you make your way back to your family’s home. Pulling into the driveway, you carry Megumi from the car to his bed as quietly as possible, mentally begging that your father isn’t awoken at the stairs creaking beneath your feet. By now he could be up, the sun beginning to rise over the horizon, but hopefully the alcohol-fueled events of the previous night were enough to keep him unconscious throughout the afternoon, a schedule that had become a regular part of his routine.

As you tuck Megumi in, you place a kiss to his forehead next to his cut, the dark thread of his stitches a stark contrast to his pale skin, a harsh reminder of the reality you two endure. The image of Choso’s hands flashes through your mind, recalling the tenderness they held as he worked.

Finally in your own bed, your thoughts are clouded with the last twenty-four hours, mentally spiraling as anxiety racks your body, until Choso returns to you again. You picture him holding you, comforting you, reassuring you. Waves of tranquility wash over you, and for the first time in too long, you allow yourself to drift into sleep.

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ ༝ ˚ ｡⋆

He swore he wouldn’t do this. He promised he was better than this, that he had more restraint than this. Yet, here he is again, surrounded by the sterile atmosphere of the blood bank.

Dark red bags line the walls of the chilled room, tempting him, drawing him in. It was you, he thinks. He knows it was you, it had to be. He only came here once a month, taking the bare minimum necessary for survival, yet only three days after his last visit he felt that familiar hunger clawing at his insides, imploring him to consume.

His thoughts are blurred, overtaken with images of you, your voice, your smell, the way your arms wrapped around his body. Reaching out he grabs the nearest bag, sinking his teeth into the plastic as red drips down his chin. He laps at the liquid, the metallic taste only conjuring up more images of you in his mind, nearly intoxicated as he pictures the heat beneath your skin just begging him to taste you. He wishes it was you, knowing he would give anything to feel the warmth of the blood coursing through your body.

Draining the bag of its contents, he’s left physically satiated but mentally starved, desperate to feel you again, to hold you. Cleaning himself up, his hands shake as he undoes any remnant of the sin he committed in the quiet of the hospital corridors, a final trace of blood wiped from the corner of his lips. His mind swirls, only knowing one thing: he needs you.

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writingtraumaforever · 3 months ago

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A Courtship Christmas: Chapter 1

Notes: Hello everyone! This addition to the Courtship series will be a holiday special and multiple chapters! Yay! I can't promise how quickly this will be updated, but I am really hoping to have the second chapter out before the movie, at least. Either way, I hope you all enjoy this work! (More Notes at the End)

Summary: Sonic is excited to make Shadow's first Christmas on earth a great one! This is completely derailed when Commander Walters has a special letter for Shadow.

Courtship Masterpost!

Link to my AO3!

Start:

Sonic loves so, so much about earth.

From the obvious things like the people and the places to the more intimate things like their cuisines and music and customs, he never spends a single moment regretting his choice to stop running and choosing this planet as his home.

But by far, his absolute favorite holiday on this planet is easily Christmas!

Maddie and Tom explained it to him when he spent his first year celebrating it with them. How there’s a lot of rumored origins to the holiday. One being the birthday of the Sun God. The other being the birthday of the Son of God. And some just celebrating it because it’s a trademark at this point in society and regardless of the origin, it’s about family and giving and friends and being thankful for what one has. And Sonic loves that concept.

And presents. He loves the presents.

Last year had been Knuckles and Tails’ first Christmas. Knuckles had refused to celebrate at first, saying he was now Jewish thanks to Mrs. Whipple. But he eventually, with the help of a little chat with the Donut Lord, realized he isn’t actually Jewish. He just wanted to be supportive of his friend. And he can do that without conversion into a religion he ultimately doesn’t really know anything about, let alone believe. So after spending a few days celebrating Hanakkuh with Wendy, Wade and Wanda, he came back home to help prepare for Christmas with his own family.

Tails had fallen in love with it immediately, infatuated with all the lights and the tiny trinkets that would play Christmas melodies and spin.. he invented a different gift for every single one of his family members. Even Ozzie got an automatic fetch machine!

Sonic and Knuckles had stayed up as long as they could with a trap set by the chimney hoping to snag Santa, but they fell asleep before he came.. they woke up to the trap being untouched and a little note with red and green glitter on it reading ‘nice try, boys - S’. They vowed to get the old man one day. Sonic is a pro at foiling old, fat men. It was inevitable.

The point is that the Christmas Spirit is strong in the Wachowski household. And with the MOBIUS project in full swing this year, they decided to help acclimate some of the new Mobians into the world’s traditions by having a ‘Cookies with Santa’ event in the parking lot of GUN. Sonic had convinced them after demanding they owed him for saving the world. 3 times now.

They put fake snow everywhere, had an ornament-making station, a gift-wrapping station, Tom dressed up as Santa Claus and let little Mobians sit on his lap and tell them what they wanted— though this giant alligator nearly crushed him at one point doing this— and they had lights strung across the front of GUN and its landscape.

The Guardian Units of Nations had never been merrier!

Shadow had been there, of course. He, Sonic, Knuckles, Tails, Rouge and Amy had all dressed as elves to help overwhelming crowd of human and alien children alike. They would each help at different stations. Sonic and Knuckles and Tails helped at the Santa station since most people wanted to meet the heroes of earth anyway. Shadow and Amy were on ornament-making duty. And Rouge helped Rachel wrap gifts that were brought for donation to the Mobians who still haven’t found a home.

There was even a sign-up sheet for people who wanted to volunteer to host a Mobian for the holidays!

It all went off with a sinch, and Randall even showed up dressed as the Grinch to cause mischief! He was a hit with the kids, but Sonic did not like it. Something about the Grinch just kinda makes him… disgusted. Some sort of familiarity about him that turns him off the green Who.

Either way, everything went perfect, and by the end of it, humans and Mobians were mingling and celebrating with laughter and hot cocoa and it was perfect. This. This is why he loved Christmas.

Walking to Tom’s truck after helping clean up, Shadow was showing Sonic some of the ornaments he made. “I put fake snow in this one,” he held it up to show Sonic, “and there’s a little snowman inside like one of those little balls..?”

“A snow globe?”

“Yes, those,” Shadow nodded, reaching for his next ornament to show.

This was Shadow’s first Christmas too… well.. on earth, anyway. He celebrated back on the ARK with Maria every year.. they didn’t have much in the ways of gift-giving, but they’d make each other something each year and exchange it at the midnight of Christmas Eve. Then they’d sit and eat cookies together and watch earth from the window..

Maria would talking about how she hoped Santa could find them all the way in space. Shadow would vow to make sure she got enough presents to believe that he did— which she always did thanks to the scientists on the ARK practically adopting her as the whole station’s daughter.

The point is, Christmas isn’t foreign entirely to him. But it’s his first one on the planet, and Sonic knows it’s gotta be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for the guy since Maria isn’t here to celebrate with him..

Holding up his fourth ornament he made that’s painted to look like a gingerbread man, Sonic grins supportively at it and looks to Shadow, “These will all look real good on the tree, Shads!”

“You think so?” Shadow asks hopefully, a hint of excitement in his crimson eyes.

“Sure I do! They’re all great. We’ll have to let you pick a spot for them on the tree when we get it put up.”

Shadow smiles timidly at this, nodding in return. They’re standing at Tom’s truck, now. The door open but Sonic doesn’t climb in yet. Instead, he stands there looking at Shadow with a shy little smile, Shadow looking back at him with the same sort.

They haven’t kissed again since the bowling alley a month ago.. if that even counts. Sonic didn’t even get to kiss back!!

They’ve both been dancing around it since then, not addressing it but not fully ignoring it. They’ll do things like a couple would, now. When they go out for lunch, Shadow will hold Sonic’s hand across the table. Or when they end a friendly race, they find somewhere to sit and lean on each other for a bit and just talk. They’ll hug goodbye, nuzzle each other to rub their scents on the other..

But no kisses. None.

It’s driving Sonic crazy.

He just wants to kiss this boy properly!

And every time it feels like they’re about to share one, something has to interrupt them.

Every. Time.

“Soo.. you’re coming over, right?” Sonic asks with a little coy smile, tilting his head at the hybrid.

“Of course,” Shadow smirks, “I’ll hop on my bike and be right over.”

“Good,” Sonic grins a bit wider, biting his lower lip all innocent and shy. Like he don’t know what he’s trying to do when his eyes shift down to Shadow’s mouth a little too long.

Shadow swallows, taking notice, of course, and moving to ever so slowly lean in towards Sonic.

This is it!! They’re gonna do it! They’re gonna—

“Hey Shadow!”

Every. Damn. Time.

Shadow blushes and immediately pulls back to turn and see Rouge approaching. She pauses upon realizing what she had interrupted and gives an apologetic smile, “Sorry to interrupt, boys— Shadow, Commander Walters wants a word with you before you go..”

Shadow blinks at this, exchanging a look with Sonic who offers a little quirk of his brow before they both look back to Rouge.

“Commander Walters??” he frowns, “What for?? I’m off duty until after Christmas..”

“He so is not being deployed on Christmas,” Sonic demands with a little scowl and cross of his arms, “Not happenin’.”

“Nothing like that,” Rouge quickly clarifies before the two get too snippy, “Don’t get your quills in a huff. He just said he had something to deliver to you. That it’s a private matter..”

Sonic’s eyes widen with a gasp, “Oh my God— what if Commander Walters is secretly Santa???”

Shadow’s eyes roll with a small snicker at his counterpart’s amusing theory, turning to offer Sonic a little side hug— ugh, always with the hugs— and then stepping away, “I’m gonna go see what he wants then I’ll head to your place.”

Sonic nods with a little smile, “Okay. Let me know if you need me.”

“I will,” the hybrid assures before turning to follow Rouge back to the GUN building for his meeting with the commander. Rouge offering a wave to Sonic as she goes, “See you in a bit, Blue!”

“See ya!”

The crew is meeting up at the Wachowski’s for some Christmas festivities. They’re decorating for the holidays and invited everyone to come help since they would all be in town anyway due to the GUN Cookies with Santa Fundraiser.

It’s rare they can all get together at one time like this with they’re constant conflicting schedules, so Sonic is extremely pumped to have all the people who matter most to him all over at once.

First to arrive as always thanks to Sonic’s very poor example of nagging Tom into every drive being a race— he’s corrupted the once speed-trap-cop, for sure— Sonic slides right on out of the truck just in time to see Maddie pulling up in her car with Tails and Knuckles in the back.

“We kicked your butts!” Sonic teases as they open their car doors, “Beat you by a solid thirty seconds!”

“You were going seventy in a fifty-five,” Maddie scolds with narrowed eyes towards Tom.

Tom just sheepishly smiles and rubs the back of his neck, “What?? My speedometer read fifty-seven. Thing must be busted..”

“Mhm,” Maddie hums as she waltzes past him to the front door, unconvinced eyes glaring at him as she goes. He just offers a nervous little chuckle and follows her on in.

Sonic dashes to the side of the road to look for the

Hansel’s to show up next since they’re likely not far behind, and sure as Christmas, he sees them turning onto their street a few moments later. He’s so excited to get to spend some proper time with JoJo since he was a bit too busy to at the event. She’s getting so big! More around Tails’ age than his own, but that just makes things more fun! Plus Amy was a member of the Handel family now, too, so she’d be attending as well. Sonic just loves when everyone comes together. It’s a big reason why he loves the Christmas time, especially now that their family has grown so much!

He remembers the times he spent sitting outside the Donut Lord and Pretzel Lady’s window, watching them turn on Christmas music and put their tree up while they danced around the televised fireplace.. how he’d dance with them in the cold outside, pretending he was a part of something so warm and lovely and merry..

And now he really is. It’s a miracle in his eyes. Something he’ll never be able to appreciate enough but sure as heck tries.

Rushing down the street, Sonic does some playful and excited laps around the Handel car before it pulls up into their driveway knowing that JoJo loves it when he does that. The car door opens once parked and Sonic is immediately darting up to greet them with an excited, “WOO WOO! Handel’s in the HOUUUUSE!”

Jojo laughs as she climbs out, high-fiving her cousin, “You bet we are! Ready to get our Christmas on!”

Sonic laughs and looks to his aunt and uncle with a polite grin and wave, “Heya Uncle Randall and Aunt Rachel.”

“Hey Sonic, you did good with the kids at the fundraiser,” Randal compliments, face still painted green from being Grinch-ified.

“Always do! The Grinch seemed to be a hit,” Sonic replies encouragingly even if he himself didn’t much care for the Grinch.. who the heck likes a guy who steals Christmas??? No one sane.

“Figured I’d bring some green into our colorful bunch,” Randal replies, shutting his car door and heading inside to wash the makeup off, “Gonna get back to being tall, dark and handsome now, though.”

“Just like I like him,” Rachel adds with a wink, Sonic chuckling at his aunt’s flirty antics.

Rachel has mellowed out a lot since her first attempted wedding. Joining GUN seems to have brought her a better feeling of control in her life rather than chaos randomly popping up on her doorstep. She looks and feels more prepared for what the universe has thrown into her family— which happens to be a bunch of aliens. And despite her sassiness, Sonic knows firsthand that she’d put a bullet in anything that dared to threaten a single member of their family, aliens and all. They’ve all grown close. Trauma does that to people!

Amy piles out of the car after JoJo, immediately nearly knocking Sonic over in a hug. He chuckles at that, grunting at the impact before offering an arm around her in return, “Take it easy, Amy!”

“Sorry!” the pink hedgehog apologizes but doesn’t let go just yet, “I’ve just missed you guys! It’s been too long.”

“I was there visiting like— two weeks ago,” Sonic snorts with a rub to her back.

“I know, I know! But still,” she huffs and pulls back at last to grin up at him, bouncing on her toes a little, “I also think I’m just really in the Christmas spirit—“

Her brows furrow with a frown as she looks around then, “…Where’s Shadow??”

“Oh- he had some thing with the Commander to take care of,” Sonic replies casually.

“They’re not gonna send him away this close to the holidays, are they??” Amy huffs, looking very much prepared to take her magic hammer to GUN’s head of the answer is yes.

“No,” Sonic chuckles, shaking his head, “Nah. Rouge said it was just a meeting or something. Nothing more. They’ll both be here shortly, I’m sure.”

Amy’s smile returns at this approvingly, “Good. It’s his first Christmas on earth! He deserves it to be a good one!”

“Agreed,” Sonic winks with a thumbs up before ushering her and JoJo inside, “So let’s get inside and get started on unloading stuff from the shed so we can be ready to decorate by the time they get here!”

They all contribute, forming an assembly line of sorts from the shed’s attic to the house. It all use to be in the attic, but then Sonic moved in and it was moved to the basement. And then Tails moved in and it was moved to the shed— except that’s where Knuckles ended up moving in next, so they added flooring to the ceiling of the shed to make a small attic. And that’s now where all their seasonal decor goes.

The line goes pretty quickly between Amy and Knuckles’ strength, Tails’ flight and Sonic’s speed. The humans of the family hardly even have to do anything, so they take to emptying and sorting the boxes so they can be returned to the attic for storage until the holidays are over.

By the time it’s all done and ready to be put up for decoration, Shadow and Rouge still haven’t arrived..

Sonic really wanted them to be here for the start of their traditions, so he tries to stall for a bit. Offering to make some late lunch before they get going. Everyone seems to know what he’s trying to do, so they don’t argue. Maddie and Amy whip up some sandwiches while Sonic helps JoJo with an assortment of fruits and veggies— which is a pain when a certain echidna keeps stealing the grapes.

It’s about when everyone is settling to eat that the doorbell rings, Sonic’s tail sent wagging and his feet carrying him to answer the call before the bell even stops ringing. Swinging the door open, he’s caught by surprise when he finds a tall Rabbit standing there with a child next to her..

“Oh, hello,” the older one speaks politely, her voice soft and sweet and immediately screaming ‘mother’ vibes, “I was going to ask if this was the Wachowski residence, but it seems we’ve found the place.”

Sonic blinks up at her before offering a smile, “Yup! That’s us! How can I help ya, ma’am??”

“We were actually invited here by Mr. Shadow,” she says with a slight knit in her brow, “I take it by your reaction, you were not informed.. if we’re going to be a bother, we can absolutely leave. It’s not a problem—“

“No way!” Sonic grins, opening the door wider to allow them inside, “Any friend of Shadow’s is a friend of ours. Come on in!”

“Oh, thank you so much,” the mother smiles politely, ushering her daughter who has been hiding behind her skirt throughout the interaction, inside, “Come along, Cream dear..”

“Cream??” Sonic asks, that hitting a familiar string inside him. Shadow had rescued a young Mobian a few weeks back.. said she had a mother that he was trying to find and reunite her with. The kid’s name was Cream. By the looks of it, Shadow had managed to reunite them before the holidays! He’s so great..

The young rabbit peeks out at Sonic when he says her name, the blue hedgehog closing the door behind her with a welcoming smile. She seems real shy.. maybe a bit scared at their new environment. It’s hard being transported into a new world.. especially all alone. Sonic is real glad she found her mom..

See??? Sonic really needs to kiss Shadow for stuff like this, right?!

“Heya, kiddo, I remember Shadow telling me about you..,” he smiles as he crouches down to her level, “Said you were real brave.”

“Thank you, Mister,” the tiny rabbit replies shyly and ohmygodhervoiceissohighandcutewhattheheck—

“Call me Sonic,” the hedgehog winks.

“Okay, Mr. Sonic,” she nods and Sonic’s brain glitches and his heart flips. She’s so cute, hemustprotectheratallcosts.

Sonic chuckles at this, standing up again to hold a hand out to the mother now, “I’m real glad Shadow was able to find you for Cream. He told me about her back when she first got here..”

The mother shakes Sonic’s hand with a bittersweet smile, “Yes, I’m so grateful for Mr. Shadow’s heroism, he returned my sweet baby to me, and I’ll never be able to repay that.. I am Vanilla, by the way.”

Sonic smiles and nods, “Cream and Ms. Vanilla. Sweet names!”

Cream giggles at that, seeming to get his joke. Sonic just grins a bit wider at the child’s precious laugh.

“We’re having lunch right now. You’re more than welcome to join us! I can introduce you.”

“That would be very pleasant, dear, thank you,” Ms. Vanilla replies all sweet and warm and yeah. She’s got them mom-vibes. Strong mom-vibes.

Moving to the kitchen and dining room where everyone has formed a little line to fix their plates, Sonic raises his hands to make an announcement, “Everyone, everyone! Eyes on the blue hedgehog!”

Everyone looks to them then, a mixture of confusion and intrigue and welcoming friendliness on their faces as they take in the two newcomers.

“This is Ms. Vanilla and her daughter, Cream,” Sonic explains as he gestures to the two, the mother nodding her head with a polite and subtle curtsey, Cream offering a tiny and shy wave from behind her mother’s dress, “They’re friends of Shadow’s and will be joining us for the festivities! So everyone give them a big Wachowski-Handel welcome!”

“Welcome!” they mostly all say in unison.

Except Knuckles. Who says something weird like “It is an honor to be your host on this fine evening, madams.”

Which is overkill, as always, but Ms. Vanilla seems to find it endearing so whatever.

Maddie is immediately moving to welcome the two properly, introducing herself and her husband to their guests and automatically chatting it up with the rabbit. Maybe they’ll be good friends! Sonic is sure Maddie wouldn’t mind being friends with a fellow mom of a Mobian. Maybe Vanilla can give her tips— not that Maddie needs them. She’s an awesome Mobian mom.

Amy introduces herself as well, seeming intrigued by having another female Mobian around. Her and Rouge have been pretty outnumbered, so this’ll help even things out. Amy seems to take to Cream specifically pretty well and pretty quick, crouching down to talk to her and getting the little rabbit to come out of her shell a bit.

It’s sweet.

And all Sonic can do is wish Shadow was there to see it. See how he’s brought more people together. Added to their whacky family..

Where is he???

Everyone eventually finishes up eating and is sort of just standing around letting their food settle while they chat, but Sonic knows they’ll want to get back to doing Christmas things soon. He’s already sad Shadow missed out on making cookies..

They can make more once he’s finally there. It’ll be fine.

“Worried about Shadow?” Amy’s voice comes from his left, Sonic jumping just slightly since he had been staring out the window looking for his– boyfriend(?)’s arrival. He spins around to face her, finding her very caring and understanding expression looking right back up at him. She really was the one with the heart in the group.

“I just wish he was here,” Sonic admits with a sigh, glancing back towards the window, “It’s his first Christmas on earth, and I know that’ll be emotionally kinda… confusing for him.” Amy nods with a hummed, “Yeah.. His first without Maria.” “Exactly,” Sonic agrees with a nod, “I just really wanted to make sure it was perfect for him..” It’s so easy to open up to Amy. Something about her is so open and non-judging and nurturing. Sonic gets why Shadow trusts her so much. He’s often said she reminds him of Maria..

Sonic thinks he would’ve gotten along with Maria just fine if that’s true.

“Don’t worry,” Amy smiles and places a reassuring hand on his arm, squeezing it gently as she winks, “He’ll show up. This is very important to him too, ya’know?? He wants this to go perfect too.”

“Really??” Sonic blinks, seeming a bit surprised by this. Shadow has seemed relatively indifferent to Sonic’s Christmas talk. He never stopped to think Shadow wanted the holidays to be perfect too, he just– he was too stressed about making them perfect for Shadow.

“Mhm,” Amy nods, “He knows how much this means to you.. He wants you happy. You should know that.” “I do,” the hero sighs with a little blush, “His happiness is just so much more… I don’t know–” “Precious?”

“Yes,” Sonic agrees immediately, “That. It’s more rare and harder to come by. And his first Christmas on earth will be the foundation for every Christmas after. If this one sucks, he’ll never love the holiday..”

“Oh Sonic,” Amy giggles and shakes her head fondly at him, “You know Shadow is more open-minded than that.” “I also know he dwells on stuff,” Sonic mutters with a little frown, eyes drifting back out the window, “Even if he doesn’t let people know.. Things stick with him.”

Amy sighs at this, nodding in agreement before giving Sonic’s arm a gentle squeeze again and tugging him away from the window, “He’ll come. For now, he wouldn’t want you worrying over him when you have guests and festivities to tend to.”

Sonic allows himself to be tugged away from the window, quirking his brow suspiciously at her as a slow smirk grows on his muzzle, “Shadow put you on Sonic-babysitting duty?” “I’m not inclined to answer that,” Amy replies simply, not looking him in the eye as Sonic laughs in response.

They return to the others, and Sonic can only stall so long before they begin sorting through the decor and handing out jobs. The women will tend to the inside while the men will take care of hanging lights on the roof and in the yard. Sonic points out that that isn’t very ‘equal’ of them to send all the men out in the cold, but he receives a few too many feminist glares and decides to let it slide.

They get on the lights outside right away, wanting to get them up before the sun goes down since it’s setting early these days. Tails works on untangling them and Sonic runs nails and tools around to whoever needs them. Randall and Tom are on the roof with Knuckles, holding lights in place and nails while Knuckles hammers them down with his fists. Amy comes out to tell him to lighten up on his punches halfway through though. Apparently he’s scaring Cream and the ceiling’s spackle is starting to give due to his overkill.

Sonic climbs the trees and tangles the lights through their limbs and all the way down their trunks to the ground. He also sets up lights down their driveway and along the bushes in their flowerbeds. It all goes by fairly quickly thanks to their abilities, Randall commenting that they need to all come to his place next and put up his lights.

They get the outside done just as 4:45 rolls around and the sun is beginning to get low..

Shadow still isn’t in sight. Neither is Rouge.

Knuckles approaches Sonic as the others go inside, both staring down the road as if expecting to see Shadow’s bike come rolling up or a bat to be seen flying through the sky..

“..You invited the bat, yes?” “Yeah, Knux,” Sonic sighs with a frown, eyes still watching the road, “I invited your girlfriend.” “I– she is not my–” “Save it, dude,” Sonic groans with a roll of his eyes, turning with a frown to walk to the house, “They’re both suppose to be here by now..” “Perhaps there is trouble?” “Nah,” Sonic shakes his head, “Shadow would’ve called or something. Chaos controlled here so we could help. It’s the stupid GUN Commander. I bet he has them working or somethin’..” “We could go rescue them from the Commander?” Knuckles offers, hitting his fists together. Always looking for a fight.

“No,” Sonic snickers with a shake of his head, “Shadow doesn’t like when I get involved with his work.. Besides, he can handle himself. So can Rouge.” “This is true,” Knuckles agrees, nodding as they enter the house again, “I am still deeply wounded that you would suggest I’d ruin my pure echidna blood by dating a bat.” “Dude, that almost sounds racist.” “It is not racist! It is simply a fact. I have a duty as the last echidna to repopulate this world with the finest warriors–” “FALALALALA! CAN’T HEAR YOU EW LALALALA!”

The women have gotten the fireplace’s mantel decorated as well as the doorways and the kitchen. The tree has been left untouched so far as well as the ornaments and snowglobes. Sonic can’t help but be grateful of this, knowing everyone has silently agreed to wait for Shadow for this part.

They continue with the extra decorations, leaving little Santa figurines everywhere and using white chalk paint to make it look like there’s snow on the windows. Cream likes this part real well, Sonic notices. She seems to have a knack for arts and crafts.

By the time 6:30 rolls around, it’s dark out and they’re all making hot cocoa and the kids are sitting down at the dining room table to work on ugly Christmas sweaters. Apparently each black sweater was hand-knitted by Amy and Aunt Rachel. Sonic didn’t take Rachel as the knitting type, but Amy was a good influence, he supposed. Sonic’s was red. Knuckles’ was dark green. Tails’ was light blue. JoJo’s was purple. Rouge’s was pink. Amy’s was light green. And Shadow’s was blue.

Thankfully, Shadow had informed Ms. Vanilla that the kids would be doing this, so she had preparedly brought Cream an orange sweater as well.

The table was laid out with all sorts of crafts and materials they could sew and glue onto their shirts. From fuzzy craft balls to ornaments to battery lights to tinsel, they had plenty of options to choose from. Everyone excitedly got to work on their sweaters while the adults helped them out with hot glue guns and scissors and stuff. Mostly Cream since the others were pretty capable on their own. However, Sonic just sat staring at the empty seat next to him with the blue sweater laid out in front of it..

He didn’t really feel like decorating his sweater without Shadow..

Then there’s a knock at the door followed by Ozzy’s barking and a familiar voice.

“Hey! Down dog, it’s just me,” the bat giggles as she pets the excited pup jumping up on her.

“Rouge!!” Sonic excitedly jumps up from his seat, knocking it over in the process. Knuckles’ eyes shift up quickly to look at her. She’s all dressed up as an elf still from the GUN event, her makeup pristine as always.

“Hey everyone, sorry I’m a little late,” she apologizes with a wave to the crew, walking into the dining room and looking over the table, “What’re we doin’??” “Christmas Sweaters!” Cream pipes up, having come out of her shell pretty well by now.

“Oh!” Rouge grins, seeming to recognize the rabbit upon hearing her voice, “Cream! And Ms. Vanilla! Glad you both found the place.” “Glad you and Shadow informed us we’d be having extra guests,” Maddie mutters to her with a playful quirk of her brow.

Rouge just smirks at this and shrugs, “What can I say?? We’re a little naughty.” Maddie just laughs at this and offers Rouge a welcoming hug, the bat returning it before Amy pipes up.

“I have you a sweater right over there, Rouge,” the pink hedgehog grins, pointing to the empty seat by– of course– Knuckles.

Rouge smirks at this, moving around the table and tucking in her wings as to not knock anything over, “For little ole me?? You shouldn’t have..” Knuckles makes a noticeable effort not to give her any attention and act as though he hasn’t even realized she’s arrived at all as she makes her way to her seat, even though his growingly pink cheeks tell a different story. He only acknowledges her when she pulls the chair out beside him.

“You save a spot for me, Knuckie??” she coos all flirtatious, sitting herself down to which Knuckles just huffs and keeps his eyes set on the fabric glue he’s messily using to attach a purple fuzzball to look like grapes on the front of his shirt, “The seating arrangements were not my doing.” “Mhm. Sure,” she winks only to pause when she feels a tapping on her shoulder. She turns her head and finds Sonic sitting on the other side of her looking very much like an excited puppy vibrating in his seat. “Can I help you, Blue??” “Um-yes. Shadow come with you??” “He left the same time I did on his bike,” Rouge answers with a little smile.

So he’s coming. Sonic breathes a sigh of relief and leans back in his chair.

This relief is short lived when Rouge discreetly leans back as well and mumbles only loud enough for Sonic to hear.

“He’s outside..”

Sonic blinks at this, looking at Rouge who isn’t looking at him and seems to be pretending she didn’t say anything. Which means Shadow must not want anyone knowing he’s out there. Anyone other than Sonic..

He wants them to be alone.

Sonic instantly has butterflies in his stomach, biting his lower lip and looking to the blank blue sweater that belongs to Shadow beside him. He only spares one more glance to Rouge’s unreadable face before he’s moving from his chair once more to walk around the table towards the door.

Very casually he remembers there’s mistletoe hanging on the front porch..

As nonchalantly as he can manage, he sneaks his way to the front door and slides out of it without a word, shutting it behind him and turning to look for his partner.

Except.. Shadow isn’t there.

“Shadow??” Sonic calls with a knit in his brow, looking around in the dark for the hedgehog but finding it a bit difficult to spot him in the night. Even with all the Christmas lights on, Shadow is pretty stealthy in the dark when he wants to be.

“Shads, you here??” Sonic calls again, frowning to himself as he leans to look down the side of the house.. Nothing. Maybe Rouge meant he’s in the back yard??

He’s just about to dash around to the back when his eyes catch slight movement at the end of the driveway..

Shadow. Sitting on the curb by his bike. Back to Sonic.

Sonic’s tail immediately wags, a grin forming on his face as he speeds across the yard over to him. He pounces against his back once close enough, wrapping his arms around him from behind and hugging him with a laugh. Shadow merely grunts and is knocked forward just slightly at the impact, no other reaction.

“You’re here! Finally!” Sonic cheers as he nuzzles his cheek to Shadow’s and takes in his warmth and scent. Immediate comfort.

Shadow doesn’t respond still. Sonic’s smile falters at that. He leans his head back a bit to look at the side of Shadow’s face. He’s frowning. Looks.. lost..

“Uhh.. Shads?” Sonic snickers quietly, a bit of nervousness rising in his voice now, “You freeze out here or somethin’?? I am hugging you very merrily, and you are not really matching my vibes right now, dude.”

Shadow blinks at that, eyes lifting to find Sonic’s as if he’s only just now realizing he’s even there at all. “Oh.” His lips curl into a small smile that’s not super convincing, but Sonic can tell the hybrid is happy to see him. Which is good. Makes Sonic a little less nervous about this, at least.

Shadow tilts his head towards Sonic so their foreheads press together, nuzzling Sonic lightly with his own and making Sonic’s heart melt at the affection.

“Sorry. I was just lost in thought..”

Sonic hums at this, his own smile growing more fond and soft now as he settles down from his crouched position behind Shadow to his knees. Scooting around to sit beside him on the curb, he moves his head to rest on Shadow’s shoulder as Shadow continues to rub against him. His nose buries in Sonic’s quills and takes in a deep breath, eyes shutting as he keeps himself hidden there.. As if seeking comfort of some sort..

Sonic doesn’t pay this much attention at first, just basking in the fuzzy feeling he gets from it and lifting a hand to rest it in Shadow’s chest fur to rub there–

Only to then spot the small envelope in Shadow’s hands.

“What’s that??”

Shadow doesn’t answer. Just sighs and keeps rubbing against Sonic. “..Shadow??” Sonic prompts again when he doesn’t get an answer, chuckling quietly as he nudges Shadow’s chin with his shoulder to try and get him to come out from hiding in his quills, “Shads, I can’t talk to ya with you stuck in my spines.” “Mm,” Shadow hums, defiantly placing a hand on Sonic’s waist to hold him still as he speckles a tiny kiss to Sonic’s ear and makes the blue blur shiver.

A shaky breath escapes Sonic, eyes fluttering slightly as he feels Shadow’s teeth nibble lightly on the tip of his now burning ear. The blue hedgehog’s lips curling into a grin as his cheeks grow hotter..

This is it. He could just tip his head up and seal the deal. Kiss him for the first time since the bowling alley. Kiss him proper. The moment is perfect! They’re alone and Shadow is showing a rare form of affection right now and–

And Shadow is hiding from something…

Sonic’s eyes blink and look back down at the envelope in Shadow’s hands.

Shadow continues his advances on Sonic.. He’s trying to distract him.

Sonic groans a bit and gently pushes Shadow back with the hand on his chest fur, Shadow looking at him with knitted brows and tilted head at this. “Did I do something wrong??” “No,” Sonic says quietly, voiced hushed and face flushed despite himself. He offers a little smile and lifts his hand to Shadow’s cheek now which the ebony hedgehog tilts into.

“...I just don’t want you to use us to hide..”

Shadow’s eyes blink at that, face looking guilty as they avert from Sonic’s emerald ones and instead look down at the envelope he still clutches..

Sonic looks down at it too. What could be in there that’s bothering Shadow so much?? “...What did Commander Walters want??”

Shadow sighs heavy at this, removing his hands from Sonic now but still staying close enough that they’re shoulder to shoulder. Touching.

After a long pause, Shadow doesn’t answer. He doesn’t seem to be able to. Instead, he holds the envelope towards Sonic, prompting the blue hedgehog to read it for himself.

Sonic stares at it a long moment, suddenly terrified of what’s inside. If it has Shadow acting like this, then-...

“Do I have to open it??” “What??”

“Maybe we can just–” Sonic sighs, taking it from Shadow now and looking at Shadow with a little grin, “throw it away?? Pretend whatever it is isn’t there. Didn’t happen. Doesn’t exist.” “Sonic..” “No, Shadow!” Sonic snaps a bit unexpectedly, “No. This is your first Christmas here on earth! You’re supposed to spend it here with me, not on some stupid GUN mission–” “It’s not a GUN mission.” “I– huh??” Sonic blinks, the fire in him fading a bit at this news, “It’s.. not?” Shadow shakes his head, his hand resting on Sonic’s knee now as if to try and keep the blue hedgehog calm.

“..Then what is it?” This suddenly makes Sonic even more scared. If not a mission then what?? What has Shadow so torn up???

Shadow doesn’t say anything. Just nods towards the envelope.

Sonic frowns at this, looking down at the envelope, “I don’t wanna..” “Read it,” Shadow sighs quietly, head now leaning against Sonic’s shoulder, “...I need you to understand..” Sonic swallows hard. He doesn’t want this. He doesn’t want whatever is in here. Whatever is gonna change things for them, ruin their Christmas. He doesn’t want it.

But he has to be mature right now. Grow up. Because Shadow needs him.. And he can’t just live in denial.

So Sonic does. He opens the already opened envelope and pulls out the folded up paper from inside.

Unfolding it, he holds it up so he can read it under the Christmas lights.

‘To Commander Walters,

I hope this letter finds you well. I, myself, am doing fine. My family is preparing for the holidays, and my daughter is recovering from her last procedure quite well. Thank you again to GUN for paying for all her medical needs..

I am writing this in regards to Project Shadow. I have been keeping up with the news, and it has come to my attention that the creature that once ran rampant on the ARK is now running free on earth. I’m sure you can understand why this would trouble me seeing as it is responsible for my sister’s death. Or so I believed.. When GUN’s Project Shadow files were leaked to the public, I did my reading. And I can not begin to express how deeply troubled and disappointed I am by how falsely informed myself and my parents were on this entire tragedy. To learn that it was not, in fact, my grandfather’s experiments that killed my sister, but instead was a GUN raid was incredibly shocking and eye opening. I now understand why we have been compensated so much. Not out of obligation or contracts, but of guilt. Not only this, but I have learned the very experiment that my family has blamed for all these years is innocent and confused and alone. From the footage I’ve seen, my sister loved him. And to think the very being she put so much time and love into is being used as a GUN operative, a weapon, is foul.

I do not write this letter to reprimand you. So before you toss it carelessly in the trash, let me get to my point. After some time and discussion, my family has decided that we would like to meet Shadow. We want to know why my sister loved him so much, and if he loved her in return. I believe we deserve this if nothing more. At the very least, it may provide some long-deserved closure for both us and perhaps even him.

I have enclosed in this envelope an invitation I would like you to deliver to Shadow.

You will hear from me again before the New Year.

-T’

Sonic reads it. Then he reads it again. Then he reads it a few more times and a few parts specifically.

His eyes are wide, brows furrowed as he processes all this.

Then he looks back inside the envelope and indeed finds a more formal invitation inside on red cardstock with white snowflakes decorating the border.

‘Please join us for a

Holiday Party.

Saturday, December 21st at 5:30 PM.

Hosted by Terra Robotnik’

There’s an address at the bottom. And a request to RSVP.

Sonic reads this. Then he reads it again. Then he reads it a few more times and then goes back to the letter.

Then his eyes lift to look at Shadow who is still resting his head on Sonic’s shoulder. He can see the knit in his brow.. The way his hands are clamped tightly together between his knees.

Sonic nudges his nose on Shadow’s forehead once, the black hedgehog grunting in response. But Sonic persists and does it again, Shadow lifting his head this time to look at Sonic and..

He’s scared. Very scared.

“Oh Shads,” Sonic sighs out in a whisper before wrapping his arms tight around the hybrid and hugging him close. His fingers pet down Shadow’s quills as Shadow leans into him and breathes all shaky and uneven. He’s close to breaking down, Sonic can feel it. He’s likely been holding this in all day..

Sonic holds him a long moment, not saying anything as his mind races and he lets Shadow calm down a bit. Seek comfort in his arms..

“I wanted to kill him,” Shadow says eventually, voice coming muffled and growled against Sonic’s shoulder, “When I found out he’s kept this from me… I nearly jumped him without a second thought.. If Rouge hadn’t been there-” “You wouldn’t have hurt him,” Sonic assures immediately, not wanting Shadow to even start thinking he was a monster, “..You were hurt. And rightfully so. This is-.. This is a pretty big thing to keep from you..”

Shadow sighs shakily, “..He seemed remorseful. But he also seemed confident in his choice to have kept it from me until now.. He said they needed to be ready first.” “How were they suppose to be ready when GUN had kept the truth from them for so long???” Sonic huffs, trying not to get too fired up for Shadow’s sake.

“I don’t know,” Shadow huffs right back, pulling back from Sonic now to look back down at the invitation Sonic still holds between them.. “...I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, you have to go,” Sonic says without a second thought. “What??” Shadow blinks, looking genuinely surprised by Sonic’s response.

“I mean– you don’t have to,” Sonic quickly corrects with a knit to his brow, “..But I think you should.” Shadow stares at Sonic a long moment before speaking, “Why?? You read it, these people have hated me for fifty years. And rightfully so–” “Not rightfully so,” Sonic corrects again, holding up a finger to stop Shadow, “They were lied to and made to believe the ARK tragedy was your fault. Just like you were.” “It still was partially my fault–” “Bullshit,” Sonic calls immediately, not letting Shadow even speak such things, “Don’t let all of this throw you back to thinking that, Shadow. Don’t go there again.. You know better now. You’ve grown.” Shadow sighs at this, looking down a moment in thought before looking back to Sonic with a small nod.

“Okay.. So even if it wasn’t my fault, they still have every right to hate me.” “Why??” Sonic smiles a bit as he says this, truly not getting it, “You’re you. You’re Maria’s walking legacy. You were her best friend. If she loved you, then why wouldn’t they–” “I am not her walking legacy,” Shadow corrects, a bit more edge in his voice now as his eyes narrow into a glare, “I am Gerald’s walking legacy. I– I am the walking reminder of a cure that never came for her. I am a failure. I am the reason she should still be here, and yet, I’m the very reason she’s gone!” Sonic’s eyes are wide at this, staring at Shadow in silence and taking in his words.

They don’t talk about the ARK tragedy a lot. They can talk about Maria. And they can talk about Shadow growing up on the ARK. But they don’t talk about the tragedy. It’s not allowed. Sonic doesn’t dare bring it up, waiting for Shadow to be ready..

Seems like Shadow is going to have to be ready now whether he likes it or not.

“Shadow..,” Sonic hushes gently, his hand resting on Shadow’s cheek as the hybrid breathes heavy and almost panicked. He rubs his thumb along his muzzle, trying to calm him as he watches Shadow’s teary eyes flutter shut..

“I’m sorry..,” he whispers to Sonic, apologizing for his outburst, “I’m sorry, I just–” “You’re wrong..,” Sonic whispers back, brows knitting, “I hate to tell ya that, but you are.”

Shadow just frowns at this, opening his eyes to look at Sonic now. And Sonic can see his determination, his rising self-loathing. But he doesn’t give him the chance to argue.

“You are her joy. Her smile. Her laughter. Her rage. Her calm. Her strength. Her understanding. Her heart,” Sonic explains softly, his hand moving from Shadow’s cheek to his chest to rest over his heart, “... Shadow, you’re her hope. And you prove that every day by protecting her world.. I don’t look at you and see Gerald Robotnik– I don’t even look at you and see Maria. I look at you and see you.” Shadow takes in a sharp breath at that, a small tear falling from his cheek that shatters Sonic’s heart. Sonic immediately wipes it away and returns to cupping his cheek so he can wipe away any more that may fall.

“You are all of you. But I won’t ignore that she’s the majority of the reason you have the morals you do.. She taught you to be all these things that you are. Not a monster. Not an experiment. Not a failure. But a light. A living being. You’re someone… And I don’t think Maria would care who you were as long as it made you happy.. I think that was her whole point in her promise, ya’know?.. To make you understand that living is a gift.. And just by doing that, you’re no failure. You’re succeeding.”

Shadow stares at Sonic a long moment, Sonic wiping away each tear that the Ultimate Lifeform sheds. Eventually, Shadow sniffles and chuckles out breathlessly, “She would’ve loved you.” “And she did love you,” Sonic points out with a soft smile, “...And they will too.”

Shadow shakily sighs then, nodding and looking away as he wipes his own tears now with a few sniffles, “Okay..” “Okay??” “Okay,” Shadow agrees with a nod, “..I’ll go.”

Sonic grins immediately, “I’m real proud of you, Shads..”

“But you’re coming too.” Sonic blinks at that. “...Excuse me??” “I can’t do this without you,” Shadow admits as he looks back to Sonic, “..I’m asking you. Please.” Sonic’s brows knit up at that, “...Of course I’ll come, Shads. Where else would I go??” Shadow melts a bit at that, his head moving to slowly reach for Sonic’s, “Besides.. If I’m going to be having a, uh-.. family reunion,” Shadow chuckles bittersweet, “I better go ahead and introduce my boyfriend.” Sonic’s brain glitches. His eyes widening a bit and his tail wagging uncontrollably. A dramatic gasp escapes him, “Yousaidthething!”Shadow chuckles quietly, nodding his head as he squeezes Sonic’s hand, “I did.” “Youcalledmeyourboyfriend!”

“You are.” “Iam!” “You are.” “Cool.”

(Art by the very talented and lovely @grim-hawkins 💙)

Notes: Terra (noun): the planet earth, of earth. I don't know how many of you played Sonic X Shadow Generations, but it was revealed in the game that Maria has a sister. I have been absolutely fixated on this fact since then. In the game, there's also a letter from someone with the initial 'T' who sends the remains of Gerald's journal to GUN. Some have theorized this 'T' is Maria's sister. I've ran with this and named her 'Terra'. Which was chosen for her by her parents who vowed never to lose a child again.. especially not to being kidnapped to space.

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autisticgoten · 2 months ago

Text

More thoughts on aroace Goku/the autistic Son family (+ headcanons and postcanon ideas)

Because I couldn't justify putting them all in the art I just posted lmao

[Image ID: An aroace flag colour picked from Super Saiyan Goku, with Goku in front of it. End ID.]

I have always read Goku as somewhere on the aroace spectrum, especially during the early series.

(Thoughts/Goku-based thesis under cut)

In early Dragon Ball, Goku often has to have social concepts such as sex, gender, romance, etc., explained to him. This, of course, is related to the running joke that he's sheltered and has no comprehension of things which are second nature to most people.

[Image ID: A panel of Roshi saying "I am appalled by your inability to judge women!" Goku responds, "Really...?" End ID.]

(From Chapter 25, where Roshi is horrified that Goku does not objectify women. The surrounding panels are worse, typical early series jokes.)

He's 12 here, around the age where media often portrays young people as developing feelings of attraction. Though his lack of interest may be portrayed as due to his isolation, that really wouldn't have that much bearing on experiencing romantic interest when he explores the rest of the world. Toriyama consistently choosing to write Goku like this seems to say something more about him than just this running joke.

Then, of course, there's the (somewhat infamous) scene where Chi-Chi confronts Goku when they are both 18 or so and insists that he promised to marry her.

[Image ID: Two panels. In the first, Goku thinks, "Wow... And all this time, I thought she meant something to eat! Well, I guess that's it... I did promise!" In the second, he faces Chi-Chi and says, "Okay! We'd better get married!" and she says, "Yay!" End ID.]

(From Chapter 171. Searching for this exposed me to too many people's opinions on Chi-Chi.)

Goku is remarkably casual about agreeing to marry someone, especially as he didn't really know what it meant a few minutes ago. I really don't think this is intended to be taken too seriously -- it's largely a joke about how nonchalantly Goku treats things that are super important to most people, because he has other priorities than most people.

I don't think this is a reckless/stupid moment for Goku (or a predatory moment from Chi-Chi as I've unfortunately seen people say). He's young and doesn't understand social expectations very well and you know, he made a promise. It's perfectly reasonable to him.

Goku is now 18 and still exhibits the same cluelessness when it comes to romance, even though he has been around the world and met many people, including people his age.

This moment also makes me think a lot about my headcanons of both Goku and Chi-Chi (and the whole Son family) being autistic. Goku is so so autistic to me -- he largely exists outside of social expectations and is confused when they are imposed onto him, he is focused on one thing (mastering martial arts) to the point where other things seem unimportant to him, etc. On the other hand, Chi-Chi is also autistic but in the way of attempting to adhere strictly to social expectations because she wants to Fit In (#girlautism). Women get married because they were promised to someone when they were young and that's that.

This diverts from manga canon/Toriyama's writing, but in the anime filler about Goku and Chi-Chi's wedding there's a whole dumb bit where a character called Grandma Hakkake 'teaches' her how to be a good wife by making her clean her house.

[Image ID: A screenshot from the Dragon Ball anime where Chi-Chi is intently cleaning up a pile of dishes. End ID.]

(Episode 151)

It's so absurd that it makes me think about Chi-Chi rather desperately adhering to the social role of a Good Wife. When you consider this, it contextualises a lot of her characterisation. She is frustrated with Goku because he doesn't fulfill some socially-expected aspects of a Good Husband, such as earning the household's income, keeping Gohan in school, etc. She is frustrated because she has done her very very best to be a Good Wife and yet he doesn't seem to be trying at all.

This is NOT an attack on Goku in any capacity, I don't think he's a bad husband or father at all. There is a difference, however, between Goku's personality and the social construction of a Good Husband.

I'm thinking about this post by @gokustits where @dbfandom breaks down this rather infamous panel from the original Japanese (I highly encourage reading and interacting with the post because it's excellent).

[Image ID: A panel where Chi-Chi is yelling "Oh, come off it, Goku-sa! You never do any work, and you never look after Gohan-chan--!! Have you ever made a single penny since we got married--!?" End ID.]

@dbfandom: The first bubble is her scolding Goku for being an absentee father, but it's through the societal lense. She's saying he's a bad father (by societal norms: aka a "provider"), but not a bad "dad", and she's angry about the year and a half in which Goku was absent but could have not been (due to the wish to Porunga to be brought back that Goku refused!)

The difficulties in their marriage largely come from this miscommunication, where Chi-Chi assumes that Goku knows these societal norms because they're societal norms, but of course he doesn't. This isn't really either of their faults, especially as they got married at 18 (!!!). It's more tragic than anything to me.

Their early relationship feels kind of like 'playing house' to me. Chi-Chi has a very specific idea of marriage and Goku goes along with it. I do think they're happy, especially before the Saiyan Saga starts, but it feels less related to the social expectations and more in spite of them. They develop a relationship and enjoy spending time together, fall in love in some capacity for sure, but when Goku is pulled in other directions that relationship is strained.

This is going more into the realm of reading between the lines/headcanon, but my interpretation of Goku's feelings for Chi-Chi are really just that he enjoys spending time with her and doesn't mind what form it takes. I view him as a sex-neutral ace (he doesn't care much either way).

I don't think there's any doubt that Goku loves Chi-Chi as their relationship ends up.

While Chi-Chi's initial feelings for Goku definitely seem like she convinces herself that she has them because she's betrothed to him, I also think she develops very real feelings for him. I read her as a little aroace-spec too, though I think she specifically enjoys romance as compared to other ways of being with someone more than Goku.

Anyway! Onto the kids!

[Image ID: A coloured DBZ chapter cover in Japanese, with Videl, Goten, and Gohan. End ID.]

(Chapter 428/DBZ 234)

Gohan is actually the only one of the Son family I read as totally allo, lmao. Well, there's really not much evidence either way, but his romance with Videl feels fairly natural to me. If anything, they have more obstacles to their relationship than pressures.

(Except that one weird moment where Chi-Chi is excited that the girl Gohan likes is rich, but I personally don't think that influences him too much.)

I do really think Gohan and Videl is just one of these rarer cases where people fall in love in high school and get married young but end up with a pretty healthy relationship.

(It happens. I started dating my partner of 8 years in early high school lmfao, though we do certainly have some aroace-spec shenanigans going on)

Not to say they're completely untouched by social expectations and all. Being in a heterosexual marriage certainly comes with plenty of that. Gohan getting married young like his parents does also play on my mind. Even if he wasn't pressured into it, society certainly doesn't object to anything he does.

As for Videl, she is also very allo to me with her initial crush on Gohan. I like a lot of their early relationship which is built on training together.

(This only makes Super even more frustrating with how they completely strip Videl of her personality and what made this relationship interesting.)

[Image ID: A trading card of high school Videl and Gohan back-to-back, looking at each other over their shoulders and smiling. End ID.]

I also read Gohan as autistic, though he's better at masking than Goku. He also sometimes struggles socially (though this may also be part to his isolated upbringing) and has special interests (entomology in Super, of course, but also martial arts just like Goku -- I'm sure he has complex feelings about this considering his trauma but also his earnest love for it in less high-stakes situations i.e. Saiyaman).

Okay! Finally nearing the end, onto Goten (and a bunch of my headcanons)!

[Image ID: Three panels. In the first, Trunks says, "Y'know what, Goten?!" and Goten responds, "What?" In the second, Trunks says, "If I tried... I bet I could only beat you with one arm!" In the third, Goten says, "What?! One arm?! You can not!" End ID.]

(Chapter 433/DBZ 239)

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, I love Goten. I love the energy that he and Trunks bring the Buu Saga and their fun, childish outlooks.

I read Goten as autistic too ("no way, tumblr user autisticgoten"). Alongside some of his characterisation which feels very inspired by young Goku's, his friendship with Trunks also makes me think of this.

Often, Trunks is the instigator, proposing schemes for Goten to join in on. This may be explained by Trunks being the older and more confident kid, but I also like reading this as Goten being Autistic in the way that he really wants to fill the role of Trunks' friend well.

[Image ID: A full-body illustration of young Goten in his gi, smiling. End ID.]

(my art! full post here as I remain proud of it)

As for queer stuff, well...

We only have brief appearance of teen Goten as written by Toriyama, in the DBZ epilogue.

It's fairly brief and the most insightful thing, really, is that he mentions he's going on a date, which means he's interested in romance in some capacity.

[Image ID: A panel where Goten says "And I had a date tomorrow, too". End ID.]

Honestly, any conclusions drawn from that alone would be pretty narrow (I'm not analysing GT or Super in this particular post).

So... now for headcanons and my personal ideas!! Everything from here is from my own writing of post-canon DB, so fair warning if you're only interested in the analysis.

I really, really like teen Goten being bisexual and aroace-spec.

[Image ID: A digital sketch of teen Goten in a gi holding up a peace sign and saying "i love bisexuality", with a bisexual flag in the background, and another tiny doodle of him in the corner. End ID.]

(little scribble from 2023 I didn't post)

Goten is the first one in his family to actually identify as queer. This brings up a whole BUNCH of feelings when he comes out. Goku wouldn't care at all, of course. Chi-Chi definitely isn't intolerant but has some traditional ideas. Her entire marriage is built on heterosexual gender roles. She has a lot of talks with her son which lead her to consider a lot of things differently.

Goku never identifies as aroace because that doesn't matter to him but the idea helps him understand that the way he sees romance may not be the same for everyone. He and Chi-Chi talk a bit and while I think their relationship is definitely better after the Buu Saga in general due to their age and a lack of stressors, this really helps them come to terms with the unexamined issues in their relationship and how they've always had different expectations.

(Young queer people helping their older relatives understand things about themselves is so, so important to me and I just want to see it more. On a personal level, my sister and me coming out helped my mum realise she's bisexual.)

Anyway, my interpretation of teen Goten does flirt around a lot but he rarely has serious relationships and the people he dates always just end up as friends. This is because he's aroace-spec, and also because he can't conceive of anyone in his life being more important than Trunks.

In the end, as an adult he has a semi-romantic bestfriendship-based queerplatonic-y thing with Trunks. No particular labels. They just live together and are in multiple kinds of love!

(I hc Trunks as a trans man and gay but I will not go into that today because I will never shut up)

I think Gohan is definitely the first person Goten comes out to, though. After Gohan moves out, Goten has a habit of just appearing on his roof to talk with him, and this happens during one such talk.

[Image ID: A digital sketch of Goten and Gohan sitting on a roof under a night sky. End ID.]

(an unfinished sketch also from 2023)

And, to circle back to the Autism! During one of these talks, Gohan also tells Goten that he's been doing a lot of introspection/research and thinks he's autistic (and their dad is likely autistic...). And so the family are able to put a name on that certain thing that seems to set them apart from others.

(Last personal anecdote: I got my autism diagnosis right around the time my dad started to realise he is autistic too, as runs in his side of the family.)

Anyway! I could go on and on but this headcanons segment is already too long so I'll save it for other posts.

If you made it through this monster of a post, thank you!!! I hope you found something that rings true for you.

AROACE AUTISTIC GOKU FOREVER!!!!! <3

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sanctus-ingenium · 1 year ago

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I'd looove to hear a little about your worldbuilding process if you don't mind sharing. How do you go about it? I know you have shared in a few posts already but just wanna know moree. Also where did it all begin? What inspired you? (eating it all uppp!!!)

hi!! I know I wrote a big long thing like last year or the year before about the process to making a setting but I cannot be arsed to find it rn so here's some disconnected thoughts

Overall I don't really make Headworlds or Worldbuilding Projects the way a lot of people do (which is why u keep hearing me say 'setting' over and over) because mainly what I make are stories in the order of characters -> plot -> world. those three things have to serve one another in that order of importance, so the world itself bends to serve the narrative. for example, ultimately idgaf where the holy beasts' skeletons come from, that is not important because the beasts are basically just a big plot device to serve the story. i can make some post-hoc justifications for their existence (and i did) but at the end of the day it will not and does not matter how they work or where they come from. the world is full of mysteries that will never be solved because the characters are not in a position to solve them. aside from a single border conflict, the world outside the mezian empire is nebulous and unimportant.

I don't enjoy working in a world -> narrative order because what I want to produce isn't just a series of info posts or artpieces about a setting, but a closed and self-contained story which is the justification for the entire world's existence. Headworlds that are all world and no character don't interest me.

So basically in the process of worldbuilding, I have to serve the story. A while back I made a post about continental history around Inver, all these wars and occupations and schisms and so on. All of those exist solely to provide a particular political climate, justification for Aquitan's theocratic structure, and the spread of the southern church north into Inver. I already had the idea of this church, that it would be integral to the country as a main political faction, so now I have to figure out how it got there and the political ramifications of that. It's all worldbuilding for sure, but it's a support structure underneath the story about how that church eventually changes world history, because i wanted to write a story about a church lol.

I guess if I wanted to explain The Process for a world -> characters setting i'd just be giving you How To Write A Story 101 lol. But basically: I think of a concept which interests me (big mechs yay). Then I think of a conflict that might arise (where does the fuel come from? who controls that supply? what might that do to the concentration of power in this area?). Then I put a character in what I consider to be the most interesting position to observe the effects of this conflict (a knight, an enginesmith, an exile), and honestly the main plot generally writes itself after that. I extrapolate the hook from that.

In terms of characters, I try to avoid calling them 'ocs' because in my mind 'oc' tends to be a very static stand-alone thing. Like I couldn't make a useful ref sheet of my characters because they are all changed by the story. I couldn't say 'he has a carefree personality' because in a few chapters no he fucking won't. in the same way i struggle a LOT to talk about my Siren setting which as close to a specbio 'headworld' as i'm ever gonna get, because I am worldbuilding in vastly different time periods at once in a world which is always changing, i can't make a post about for example a map of Siren because that's just a map from one era, I'd need to make a dozen maps to show how things change, how time affects it all, etc.

Because nothing is ever static and everything is in flux, pretty much the only way I can handle a setting like this is, again, just to focus on a few small stories centered around a cast of characters separated by time (i have... 4 distinct stories in Siren. maybe more). this is actually a frustrating barrier to me sharing any information at all about this place lol i'm the struggler

Where did it all begin? When I was 11 I used to write stories in my copybooks in class. There has never been a time where I was not making stories and where my stories were not the only important thing at all to me, superseding literally everything else. I learned how to draw digitally in 2011 because I wanted to draw my characters.

What inspires me? Everything lol. I actually don't have time to Consume Media much, I struggle watching movies or tv and I mostly hate video games because I would much rather be productive and sitting and watching a screen feels like a waste of my time. but I like reading books because I can take them with me on my phone. I get ideas from all sources but mostly non-media sources, like obviously mythology but also my history with the church and my scientific education. Usually nonfictional sources interest me the most (i was going to write a whole story that was a post-apocalyptic plague plot based on canine transmissible venereal cancer haha and even to this day that's where "the Immortal Hound" title comes from, little easter egg in inver)

#sorry this is barely coherent

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usmsgutterson · 2 years ago

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Cal, my love, how are you???

If heard your call for Kaz x Reader requests. If LOVE to see what you come up with for Kaz x Grisha!Reader (I'm feeling inferno, squaller, or Durant, but obviously it's up to you!) where the reader gets sicker and sicker from not using their small science! It's such a fascinating concept to me and hardly ever explored!

Back To Normal- K.B x gn! Squaller! Reader

Okay, hi! It's been nearly two weeks since you sent this in and I did write it! Editing it just took me longer than I expected and I woke up after a nap last night to discover that I have a bit of a cold developing so I couldn't edit the remainder of it and post it like I'd hoped, but I got it done today so yay, I hope you like this one!

This concept is one I've never seen a fic for but one I've debated writing a fic around in the past because the concept in and of itself is a really intriguing idea to me, and this gives me an excuse to write it and also an excuse to write a squaller! reader, which I've thought about doing but have never actually done, so I was really excited when I saw this in my inbox! Thank you so much for sending this in, and if it's not exactly what you had in mind, feel free to reach out and let me know, I'll totally rewrite if you'd like lol.

Fic type- hurt/comfort with moments of angst

Warnings- mentions of sickness, frailness, feelings of weakness, heart palpitations, loss of appetite, and there's reference to the second chapter of Six of Crows so slight spoiler warning too for people haven't read the books

As a Grisha, once your abilities to summon the small science were discovered, there were consequences for not summoning. You grew sick, your body grew weak, your bones fragile and you felt frail, even the smallest actions leaving you winded.

It was the universes way of punishing you for not using the gift you'd been given, another show of like calls to like. Refraining from summoning calls to sickness, and summoning calls to health.

You'd read Grisha theory, both in your time at the Little Palace before you left in the last few months before the war and in the time since, in the times wherein you needed something to read and happened upon a book containing Grisha theory and figured it would be good to pass the time.

You knew that you wouldn't last if you didn't summon, but you eventually stopped finding reason to. Nobody in the Dregs knew you were a squaller, and what good did wind do, anyway, unless it was summer and grossly humid as Ketterdam always got when the weather warmed up? You saw no point in using your small science, so eventually, you just stopped.

For a while, the differences weren't really noticeable. You didn't notice them, nobody in the Dregs noticed them, none of the crows did. You hadn't relied on your abilities as a Squaller since you'd lived in Ravka, and before you'd decided to stop, you mostly used them in summer or when Kaz needed a distraction in the middle of a negotiation in the rarer times they'd taken place outdoors, something to put the opposition a little on edge.

But then, they became noticeable. You stopped sleeping quite as comfortably as you used to, spending hours trying to get comfortable, trying to will your mind to quiet. You woke up and took to coffee to keep you awake, often running on between two and four hours to boot.

Because of your tiredness, dark circles developed under your eyes. Your appetite lessened and you grew to be tired all the time, even on a rarer night where your body rested for seven or eight hours. You still relied on the coffee even then, and Nina was beginning to take notice of the fact that you hardly ate.

Kaz had long taken notice of the exhaustion you exhibited even after jobs that you'd always considered pretty easy, ones that didn't require as much effort, as much physical strain, as the bigger heists always tended to.

Jesper had long taken notice of how much coffee you drank, the fact that you always seemed to have jurda on you even in the middle of the day, and Inej noticed it when your pace began to slow, afraid to walk at the pace you normally did because you didn't want to risk heart palpitations.

Wylan was beginning to notice when those heart palpitations kicked in, was the one to grab your hand and look at you, brown eyes silently trying to ask if something was wrong only to receive nothing in response.

One by one, each of the crows noticed something, and still, none of them said a word. They could've been wrong, they knew. All of them acknowledged that they could've been dramatizing things, making things out to be worse than they actually were.

The only one who was sure of the things they'd noticed was Kaz. You were someone who mattered to him. Of course he was going to notice if you were out of sorts. Observance was his pedigree.

So, one day, Kaz showed up at your door. "What's wrong?" He'd asked. "What is wrong with you, Y/N?"

You'd laughed, a lame, tired laugh. You'd barely slept three hours, and the long-term exhaustion was starting to finally have an impact. Kaz's tone was humorless, blunt like the edge of a knife gone too long without being run across a sharpening block.

It was normally gravel, normally coffee grounds being poured into a coffee press, but it was not that, not that day. It was the unsharpened edge of a knife, the voice that did not belong to the man you loved but rather to one they called Dirtyhands.

"What's wrong with me?" You asked. "Nothing, Kaz. Nothing is wrong with me."

"Exhaustion," Kaz said. "You drink coffee and chew jurda near constantly. You sleep hours after jobs that aren't even tiring. You are constantly tired because you can't sleep unless you are at the point wherein your body will die without resting. You get two hours most nights, four, six, on luckier ones. Nina has also noticed that you eat less lately. Wylan says you've been having heart palpitations and Matthias has noticed you zoning out. Why?"

"Why do I feel like that's a rhetorical question?"

"It's not. Stop trying to flirt."

"I'm not trying to flirt," you laughed again, a shallow, hollowed out version of the laugh Kaz recognized. "If I were trying to flirt, you'd know. I would know it was working because your cheeks would be tinged pink, which, of course, is something you'd deny."

Kaz laughed humorlessly once more. "What, are you sick?"

You paused. Some part of you had known he'd guess at that. With that realization came the one that he already knew why you were sick. Inej must've known, must've snooped for Kaz when the trust you shared was still developing. He was Kaz Brekker, and he had to know somehow, didn't he?

"You're a Squaller," he said, the words falling from his lips like they were something he'd forgotten, like the fact that you could summon the wind was something he'd merely heard and disregarded after having deemed it unimportant. "You're a Squaller, and you're one who hasn't summoned for at least six months. Why not?"

"I saw no point," you said. "Let me guess, though, you've known since I came in, since I joined up?"

"I've known since the night we confronted Bolliger about double dealing," Kaz said. "Geels, the negotiations. It was the day before--"

"The day before you came to me with the Ice Court proposition," you said with a nod. "I remember. What tipped you off?"

"The breeze," Kaz said. "It was late winter, and breezes like that are commonplace, sure, but after a bout of rain? Wind like that doesn't just happen. Especially not considering the fact that it nearly tipped Geels over, and Geels was nearly seven feet tall. It gave me something to use in the moment, and I just kind of noticed whenever you'd do it while I was falling short from then on. Nobody else knows."

"Well you'll need to grant me some leniency, Brekker. I stopped summoning because I didn't see a point."

"if the point of summoning is to keep you alive and healthy, I have to say, I see no sensible reason that one would stop," Kaz said. "You're deteriorating. I know you think it can't get any worse, but it can, and it will."

"I know," you said. "Relax. Let me find the proper time, when it doesn't feel like it'll be an inconvenience, and I'll give it a go."

Kaz looked at you solemnly for a minute before he nodded.

"Right, then," he said. "Work needs doing." He turned to go, and you watched him leave, not saying a word as he left, only closing your eyes and hoping for even another few moments of rest.

The next time you summoned, it was June and you hadn't summoned in a year. You were sitting in Kaz's office, the window open as you discussed heist plans with him, Jesper, Inej, and the rest of the crows.

The heat was growing unbearable, so you willed a strong breeze to flow gently through the room, making the area feel a bit colder, much to everyones delight. Kaz shot you a look because Ketterdam in the summer was not prone to breezes on humid days like that one, and you felt some of the energy that was long gone move back into your system, a spark of joy and pride at your small science lighting up in your chest.

You allowed yourself a small smile as you leaned back in the chair you'd occupied.

You were still sick, still frail and tired and coffee-reliant, but you were getting back to normal. You decided, in the moment, that that was what mattered.

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #six of crows #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix

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alovesongtheywrote · 1 year ago

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pretty please write another chapter of nightmare academia!! /nf your writing is so good!!

♥ Summary: thank you!! here u go!! In this chapter of Nightmare Academia, Reid fixes your mistakes and you get all blushy about it.

♥ Warnings: a minor character deals with intrusive thoughts and self-worth issues. also, implications of gambling and mentions of sex

♥ A/N: yay, chapter complete! now if spencer could come and tell me that i'm better than my intrusive thoughts, that would be great <3

♥ Word Count: 1,970

Series Masterlist

♥♥♥

Spencer was having an okay sort of day. Yes, it was a Monday, but despite all that, things had gone somewhat well. His classes had passed by smoothly, his students had asked all the right questions, and the heat in the building had come back on. The terrible cursed image you had set as his desktop screen seemed less cursed today, and none of his belongings had mysteriously disappeared, only to return later somewhere on your person.

Was it weird that he missed his belongings disappearing mysteriously, only to return later somewhere on your person?

Reid pondered that as he sat in his last class of the day. His students were discussing a new concept amongst themselves in the last few minutes, so he definitely had the time- until he didn’t. Before he could reach any epiphany, Spencer’s phone buzzed, vibrating so hard that it made the man jump.

In an instant, every eye in the room was on Spencer Reid, shocked and delighted that the notoriously technophobic professor’s phone was vibrating away during class. Spencer felt like he was twelve again. At least now, as a grown man and professor, he could dismiss the goddamned class.

He pretended he couldn’t feel their eyes on him as they filed out of the room- they weren’t judging him. Sometimes phones go BZZZZZZZZT in the middle of class, life’s just like that sometimes. No, his students were all starting with one specific thought on their minds.

“Whatever message that is, it’s 100% from Professor (L/N).”

And I mean. They weren’t wrong. A text from you shone out from Spencer’s phone, begging to be read.

(L/N) (The Nuisance): hey nerd, is there a paper on fight club in our office?

Before Spencer could respond, another little text bubble appeared on his screen.

(L/N) (The Nuisance): the book, not the movie

(L/N) (The Nuisance): actually, it’s kind of both? Nvm, just lmk if you see it

Spencer sighed, picked up his bag, and headed off to your shared office. He knew the paper you were talking about. It was the odd man out amongst papers about the criminalization of sex workers and the morals (or lack thereof) behind the war on drugs. In other words, it wasn’t something you or Reid would have assigned for a college class. It belonged to one of your GED students- so, when Spencer saw the paper sitting on the desk the previous Friday, he figured he’d leave it. You’d grab it, and you’d take it home, and that would be the end of it.

Now, Spencer was on a mission to get that paper back to you.

He was also on a mission to figure out what the fuck you were talking about.

A short ways away, at the community center, your phone buzzed.

Annoying Motherfucker: I know which paper you’re talking about. Would you like me to bring it over?

You had just enough time to fire off a, “Yes, please, thank,” before you turned back to the student whose paper you had so rudely lost.

“Okay, the paper is in my office, my coworker is bringing it over now.”

The student in front of you- a tall young man, Adam- remained silent. He only responded when you said his name.

“Tell ‘em to leave it.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I think this is a sign. The universe is telling me I’m not cut out for this. I’m not-” he cut himself off, turning away from you in shame.

“Hey, hey, look at me. You are cut out for this. Your paper was fantastic, I just-”

“You’re telling me my paper was so fantastic that you forgot it at your day job? That’s bullshit. Just be honest with me, Doctor. It wasn’t a good paper.”

“No- Adam, please, it was a fantastic paper. I left it in my office, yes, but that’s all on me. I’ll be honest, I might be a professor, but I’m kind of stupid-”

“If you’re kind of stupid, then what hope do I have? What am I supposed to do?”

You let out a small, sad breath, “You have all the hope in the world. You just have to keep trying.”

“Is that what you did? You tried?”

“I tried, yes. And I’ll be honest, I got lucky. I got scholarships and awards, but I had to try for them. You can do the same. You have potential. You have promise. You can-”

“Don’t tell me I can do anything I set my mind to. My parole officer told me that two days before my last arrest. It’s bullshit. It’s all bullshit. And you don’t know-”

“You’re right,” you sighed, leaning back against your desk, “I don’t know. I’ll never know your life, what it’s like to be you. But I know that you can accomplish great things. You’re smart, Adam. You have a great mind, you just-”

“My great mind told me to drive through the front door today.”

You froze. Adam continued.

“My great mind tells me to do awful, awful things. I spend half of my time fighting off those thoughts. What good am I, what can I accomplish if I have those bad fucking thoughts all the goddamned time?”

“Hey, hey,” you tried to soothe the man in front of you as he got louder and angrier- not at you, but at himself.

“And it’s not like I can say I know I won’t act on them. I have acted on them. That’s why I’m here, with you, in a community center getting my fucking GED. That’s why I was in prison, that’s why I’ll never be good at anything but being what I am now.”

You were already frozen, but somehow, you managed to freeze again- not because of Adam’s words, but because you could see Spencer’s face in the doorway.

You stood up straighter, instantly on edge. You weren’t sure how much of the conversation he had heard. You didn’t know if he would find something incriminating in Adam’s intrusive thoughts. You put yourself between the two.

“Hi, Reid. Do you have the paper?”

“I do. And I have to say, I’ve never seen Fight Club, but this is a fantastic analysis. Whoever wrote it clearly has a mind for the literary arts- and for the art of film.”

Your eyes widened slightly- of course, you knew that it was a fantastic analysis. You had complimented Adam on his work minutes before. You just weren’t sure what Spencer was about to do.

“If I may,” he stepped to your side so he could speak to Adam directly, “I kind of know what it’s like- to have bad thoughts that you can’t control.”

“Are you shitting me?” Adam asked, though his question was quiet. It was almost as if he was speaking to himself, asking who the fuck this spindly nerd was and why the fuck this spindly nerd was talking to him.

Honestly? You had similar questions.

Disregarding both of you, Spencer continued.

“The important thing to acknowledge is that there are no such things as good or bad thoughts. There are only good and bad actions. I can’t tell you that what you’ve done doesn’t matter. It does. But what matters more is what you’re going to do about it- what matters more is trying to be better. And this? Getting your diploma? That matters. That’s good.”

Spencer handed the paper over to Adam, “Hey, once you get your GED, let me know, okay? Dr. (L/N) will tell you where you can find me. I know a few people who could use literary analysis like yours.”

Before Adam could respond, Spencer had turned and started for the door. Before he left, he spared you a wave. You were too shocked to wave back.

Spencer left silence behind. You and Adam stood in the thick of it for a few moments. In those moments, a blush began to burn beneath the skin of your cheeks. Your heart jumped in your chest, playing a beat that was a little too fast. Surely, this meant nothing.

In those moments, Adam looked down at the paper in his hands. He read the little comments you had left in green pen.

After a few minutes, he looked up. He didn’t turn to face you just yet, but that didn’t stop you from seeing the grin lighting up his entire face.

“Shit, man. You really did like my analysis, huh?”

“I told you. I loved it.”

“Yeah, well,” Adam’s gaze returned to the pages in his hands. He flipped through for a second before barking out a laugh, “You spelled ‘artful’ wrong. You added an extra ‘L.’”

“Did I?” You asked, closing the space between you to peek at your own error, “Shit. Well, like I said, I’m kinda stupid. I’m pretty much a fraud. That guy, though? The skinny guy with the facts? He worked to get to where he is. He tried. We just have to do the same thing, and hopefully, things will get better.”

“Maybe. It’s, uh. I guess I have no choice but to try, huh?”

“I guess not,” you shrugged and smiled at Adam before stepping back towards your desk.

Adam fell silent, looking between you and the empty doorway for a good minute before he spoke again, “So, that was your coworker?”

“Mhmm. Yep, that’s the guy.”

“Dr. Reid, right?”

You raised an eyebrow, “Yeah, actually. You’ve heard of him somewhere?”

“From Missy, actually… Fuck, I think I owe her a fifty now. Shit.”

If you had been drinking something at that moment, you would’ve choked on it.

“Anyway, thanks Doc! I’ll see ya next week!”

Adam trotted out the door, all grins, not noticing how strangled your, “See you next week!” sounded.

Later that night, in the confines of your cozy and un-haunted apartment, you sent a text. Somewhere else, in his cozy and un-haunted apartment, Spencer’s phone buzzed.

(L/N) (The Nuisance): thank you, Spencer

(L/N) (The Nuisance): seriously. i owe you one

Annoying Motherfucker: Don’t mention it. I kind of understand where Adam was coming from, it wasn’t hard for me to say something nice.

You huffed.

(L/N) (The Nuisance): you have a hard time being nice to me!!

(L/N) (The Nuisance): usually

(L/N) (The Nuisance): today was an exception… but srsly, i owe you a favour

Annoying Motherfucker: And I am telling you, you are “srsly” fine.

You smiled down at your phone for a second before you turned off the screen and placed it down beside you.

And almost immediately, that fucker went BZZZZZZZZT.

Annoying Motherfucker: Actually, quick question- what does “nvm” mean? Also, what does “lmk” mean?

You couldn’t hold back your laugh.

(L/N) (The Nuisance): you seriously don’t know??? you knew what srsly meant, are you telling me you don’t know lmk???

Annoying Motherfucker: …

Annoying Motherfucker: *Thanks. You said “thank” earlier and it was bothering me.

(L/N) (The Nuisance): omg

Annoying Motherfucker: Hey! I know that one!

You let out a wheeze.

(L/N) (The Nuisance): you’re fucking adorable

(L/N) (The Nuisance): ok pretty boy, let me explain internet acronyms

Spencer wouldn’t tell you that he vaguely knew what “nvm” and “lmk” meant. He’d worked with Penelope Garcia for several years, he had to know. He just let you talk to him, texting away into the night.

Somewhere else in town, Adam handed Missy fifty dollars- and she promptly handed half of it to Frank. Frank then split the money with the woman sitting next to him, and so on and so forth until it was well and truly established that everyone in the place 1) knew about the infamous professors and their rivalry, and 2) wanted those professors to stop fighting and fuck already.

♥ Tags: @icarusignite, @usuallyunlikelyfox, @maraudersforlife2005, @fictionalcomforts, @morgthemagpie, @iiheartbowie, @digitalhearts, @corpsebridenightamare, @ghostatrixx, @reiding-writing, @mywellspringoflife, @80katie, @ms-ks-world, @currentfications, @ilse235, @emagen, @foolishwaitersblog, @pleasantwitchgarden if you asked to be tagged and i forgot, pls let me know!! if you would like to be tagged and aren't, also let me know :D

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x gn!reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #x reader #nightmare academia

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crowdusk · 14 days ago

Text

One Piece reviews: 1138-1140, part 1

Ok, it’s been a while (I’ve been so busy) but let’s get into it! We’ve had some big events and reveals in the past few chapters so I’m excited to talk about them.

Note: I won’t be discussing the mural in this particular essay because, well, I’m sure you know why. That double-page spread basically contains several essays worth of information by itself so I’m going to talk about it separately (I’m working on putting my thoughts about it together very slowly but I think I have some interesting things to say that I haven’t seen too many people talk about).

Summary thoughts, 1138-1140:

1138

to be honest after I read this all I could think about was the mural, but other main points

we’re definitely going to get a God Valley flashback where we find out more/the truth about what happened and why Shanks got found there by Roger, as well as more about Rocks and God Valley itself (it was definitely not just some random island)

my thoughts on the WG and Elbaph’s relationship continue to play out nicely, Harald definitely more and more suspicious by the chapter – and we get even more evidence that the WG have been enacting a counterinsurgency strategy in Elbaph for a long time

can’t wait to see more of Loki once he’s freed (obviously the dude’s not dead)

Loki and Hajrudin represent the past warrior culture and future of Elbaph respectively, and it will be interesting to see whether they can eventually work together and balance each other out, or whether it will just be Hajrudin carrying the giants forward into the new dawn

very excited for the Strawhats to be besties with all of the giants on Elbaph, ready to fight side by side (but we’ll have to wait a while I think)

Oda’s probably going to reinforce and continue to develop ideas of nature vs nurture with Shamrock and Shanks, and in that vein I think we’ll find out a lot more about Shanks’ story and life in general

a prediction based on non-canon content, but Film Red did basically introduce the Figarland Shanks connection, so I think that Shanks does have ‘observation killer’ haki and it will become important

one of Elbaph’s themes is definitely acceptance of different kinds of people, and the importance of developing peaceful co-existence – I’m hoping this isn’t just a liberal vibes concept, but something Oda digs his teeth into a little to show us the work it actually takes to create a just, free society

Ripley describing the mural as “a child’s dream” made me scream, because this is exactly how I think Roger and Luffy’s dream would be described by most people. I’m a big believer in the theory that the dream involves something like having a party/feast with everyone in the world, which of course seems impossible to adults. But that dream takes the idea of “unity” and exchange to its end, and that’s exactly why it’s so important. Plus, we know the Ancient Kingdom already brought a lot of different cultures and people together, so this feels like a thread that will be picked up again and again. (More elaboration on Luffy’s dream in the text below)

1139

GABAN!!! YAY!! I honestly thought I was reaching a little with the prediction, but yay

in which I have a theory about haki

I think that there are many uses of haki for technology, and that the magic circles are just one example of that (the storage of Joyboy’s haki we saw in Egghead too)

I believe we’re going to learn a lot more about what haki actually is, and about uses that have been forgotten/repressed since the Void Century

and I think that’s the source of Imu’s power (maybe not the only one but I do think it’s important), which they can share with other people by ‘infusing’ them with it, which gives them demon/yokai powers

other evidence: the magic circles can be disrupted by even more powerful haki, the Elders didn’t seem worried about the sea, and Saturn’s death

Love is free!!! This feels important because freedom is of course a central theme of One Piece, and being able to love whoever you want is one of the ways that people break the rules of an oppressive world order. Very importantly, he tells us that throughout history people defied oppression and prejudice to love who they wanted to love, and defined freedom for themselves that way.

This also feels extremely important given the mural, and this idea of people working in solidarity and co-existing lovingly being a recurring dream in One piece. It isn’t just a concept, it’s actually a world that can be materially created and that people want and have practiced in many small ways already over the course of history in their resistance against oppression.

Again, I wonder if Loki has very advanced observation haki, which can only be countered by ‘observation killing’ haki (which so far maybe Shanks has)

1140

Gaban sees Luffy’s character, that he has a good crew supporting him, and Gear 5, and seems content to let him have the key – which makes me think, what does the old man know about Loki?

It feels like Luffy is in a stage of growth again where Gear 5 is becoming natural for him to use, and easier to use. This also means that the awakened zoan fruit’s will is probably influencing him and bleeding into his own will, since we know such fruits can ‘take over’ the user. I think this arc is going to address the ways in which Luffy needs to balance embracing the freedom and childlike nature that his devil fruit highlights in him, while maintaining control over his own will and personhood – especially in his role and responsibilities as a captain and an Emperor of the sea. I think that last part is where he’s going to struggle now that the fruit is pulling him towards being completely free from rules and restrictions, so he will have to learn to impose his own will and be grounded by other people so that he stays on track and doesn’t lose himself.

Gaban definitely has information on where they need to go next (potentially the last Road Poneglyph)

We meet two more Holy Knights, St Sommers and St Killingham

I’m expecting Sommers to be very strong, and Killingham is clearly a kirin mythological zoan fruit user (probably also very strong)

We get more evidence that Harald was working with the WG via the Holy Knights/had a relationship with them, since Sommers asks whether they were visiting his grave

I wonder why Shamrock and Gunko don’t have the ‘Saint’ title, and we hear that things are still bad in Marie Geoise because of the Revs (we love that)

We learn that the circles are called “abyss pentagrams” and require a “mark” to use them – more evidence, to me, that they are created using a form of haki from Imu (it just feels mechanically different to how devil fruits operate, but I could be wrong and Imu has an incredibly overpowered devil fruit or has stretched it beyond its limits)

Shamrock commenting that they can make it into a game – horrifying, of course, and also strengthens my belief that this is going to connect to God Valley again

With that said, let’s start with chapter 1138: The Harley

We begin with Loki looking the worse for wear after being beaten up by Gunko and her big arrows. She and Shamrock seem to be walking away to call Marie Geoise when Loki says Shamrock must be related to “that red-haired pirate,” talking about how it’s interesting that he and Shanks are on opposite sides of world power as “a great pirate and a celestial dragon.”

Shamrock finally reveals that Shank is his “estranged younger twin brother” (bit of a mouthful) – huge news!!! If you detect sarcasm in my tone you are correct, because honestly I was just like eh, ok, about this. I think partly my underreaction is just because this idea has been teased and theorised about since the ‘Shanks’ visit to the Five Elder, which was years ago. But also, I’m just not a massive fan of the twin trope.

I do think Oda’s a good enough writer that he’ll use it in interesting ways and of course, as Loki points out in actually quite a meta way, the juxtaposition between them as powerful key players in this final saga serves as a good narrative tool for Oda. I’m interested in the Figarland family and I’m interested in why Shanks was left to be found at God Valley. I see why this an angle into the Holy Knights who are probably one of the last powerful factions we hadn’t seen, and into what the Celestial Dragons actually are.

I think maybe the reason I didn’t have a big reaction to this being revealed about Shanks (alongside the fact it was already heavily theorised) is that I personally don’t feel that invested in Shanks as a character yet. Of course he’s important to Luffy, and I do like him, but let’s be real – we know nothing about the guy apart from the fact he’s an alcoholic who was raised by the Roger Pirates, is ridiculously strong, protects weaker people, and seems to have similar values to Roger’s and Luffy’s when it comes to piracy being connected to fun and freedom (at least when he knew Luffy as a child, who knows how he’s changed since then). It’s hard for me to feel like I really care about a character who’s so conspicuously absent from a story they’re important in, beyond being intrigued and wanting to find out more. But anyways, let me not spend all my time talking about my personal feelings about narrative choices.

I will also say, I was surprised that Shamrock told Loki rather than ignore him (although again there’s narrative reasons that choice could’ve been made), and elaborated too. What interests me most about his statement is that Shanks “returned to the Holy Land once.” When was this? Was it after Roger returned and told him whatever upset him? Was it after Roger’s death and the disbandment of the crew? Was it later? I’m looking forward to finding out more about that, because I can’t see Shanks going back because he felt any allegiance to the Celestial Dragons/his blood family. I hope he went back just to show his face so they knew he was alive and that he knew where he came from, and then said ‘fuck you you’re all disgusting, I’m leaving now.’ I can only dream.

Speaking of hating Celestial Dragons, something of note to me is that Loki clearly deeply hates them. It’s come up repeatedly in his comments and behavior and it seems personal, whether that hatred comes from his own experiences or witnessing/learning about them. I mean, we’ve previously seen that they value giants as slaves because of their strength, so there are many options for where Loki’s vitriol comes from. This also ties in with my theory that whatever happened with Harald, if Loki did harm or kill him, it was because of his father’s connections with the Celestial Dragons.

Another aspect of Loki I’ve noticed over the past few chapters is that there seems to be a theme of fate, responsibility and the idea of balance associated with him. We’ve been told he’s somehow unhinged, but everything he’s said and done has been thought through and weighed. For example, when Shamrock said he could save his wolf friend if he joined the knights, he made a calculated decision to let his friend die, while making sure to note that he would avenge him. He literally talks about the idea of it as a debt – “I bear the cost of it” – which makes me think that this is a strong part of his code of honor, and he takes it very seriously.

I can’t quite put it all together yet, but this all suggests to me that Loki has a very strong set of rules and an internal compass that he follows when it comes to making judgments. He isn’t actually just acting on pure chaos. This is yet another parallel to our dear Luffy, who often acts on impulse but is always driven by his deeply-rooted and unshakeable internal principles. I have a feeling that Loki doesn’t take words, promises and bonds lightly at all (even if he might be a bit of a trickster when it comes to how those promises are worded or fulfilled). And I think this comes from him being extremely attached to Elbaphian warrior culture, including the importance they place on honor and pride. He probably has his own version of what that looks like, but I think this is why he has such a strong internal system of beliefs and values that he will not stray from.

Incidentally, that makes me think that Loki represents the ancient warrior culture of Elbaph, which we know comes with warts and all (racial purity principles, love of war and conflict, valorisation of strength and glory above all, etc). Quite literally, he has the blood of the ancient giants in him via his father, and I’m pretty sure we’re going to find out he’s proud of that heritage. On the other hand, Hajrudin is someone who has been harmed and rejected by that culture for being of mixed heritage – though he still identifies with the warrior aspects – as well as someone who dreams of a different future for the country. One in which different people can be united. Hajrudin also has the blood of ancient giants via his father, and I’m really excited to find out more about Loki, because I think both of them need to work together and balance each other out as brothers to bring their country into the dawn of the world (Loki especially probably has some big character growth to do).

Next, we see Shamrock’s sword Cerberus, which to be honest feels like Oda poking fun at the very popular Cerberus theory while also creating another thematic reminder for us. When have we seen Cerberus creatures before? Yes – in Enies Lobby with the judge, and in Thriller Bark. Both were guardians of a kind of “hell”, of gates of death, essentially. Shamrock wielding Cerberus, as the leader of the Holy Knights, is another guardian of hell. He’s the leader of the faction of ‘gods’ who descend into the filthy lower world to make sure it runs well for those at the top. He heads up their army, their security force, keeping the vermin out and keeping them subjugated. And of course, what did Sabo call Marie Geoise? Hell.

The other thing that’s interesting about the sword is that it has a black cloud-scarf around it, like the demon forms of the Five Elders, and not the white one that is characteristic of awakened zoan fruit users. I’m unsure whether that means it’s not that his sword ate a devil fruit but something else was infused into it, or whether it’s just inconsistency from Oda, or there’s another explanation. But I thought it was worth noting.

The last thing of interest to me about this section is Gunko telling Shamrock to “extinguish his presence.” I’m going to stray into the realm of the non-canon for a second, but Film Red did pretty much tell us Shanks was a Figarland, so. The booklet for Film Red told us that Shanks has “observation killer” haki, which is supposedly the ability to use conqueror’s haki to modify or hide your presence so that it can’t be detected by observation haki users. Again, drawing from non-canon information here, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s something Oda introduces (and generally I’m very much expecting to see lots more ways of using haki get introduced into the story). Shamrock being able to do this would make sense, since he’s Shanks’ twin, and the need for it could very well be because they know someone on the island has pretty advanced observation haki (jumping the gun on the old man, whoops).

His last words to Loki pretty much imply that their fight will happen at some point, which I think would be fun to see, and then we’re into a conversation that made me very happy. Not because of what they’re saying, of course (I’m not evil), but because it continues to confirm my thoughts on the World Government’s strategy of counterinsurgency in Elbaph. By which I mean, they are strategically undermining the country’s agency and unity, weakening its power, and working to remove it as a threat to their dominant world order. And because they know they can’t win in an all-out war with Elbaph, the strategy is to infiltrate, foment dissent and rebellion, build tension between different people in the country, get rid of any key players who might go against them, and recruit anyone willing to join their side. Classic counterinsurgency tactic, almost straight from the CIA playbook. So they literally describe the plan as “pacifying” Elbaph, before saying the way they’re going to do that is to uh…kidnap their kids. I guess that’s one way to do it…

I have a lot to say about this I might save for a non-chapter-review, but firstly, huge throwback to Mother Carmel’s whole disgusting operation as an agent of the World Government. This feels like a horrible crossover of her and Caesar’s Punk Hazard programmes – basically, get some kids and turn them into military assets. In Caesar’s case, down to kidnapping them first. I don’t think the Holy Knights are going to just let these giant children run around Marie Geoise having a nice time, so we can expect the plan is at the least to do some scientific experiments on them. It’s convenient – take them hostage so their parents have to obey, and get some free non-human lab rats at the same time. The thing that baffles me is like, do they think that’s not a way to get the wrath of Elbaph brought down on them? I understand that if they threaten the children’s lives the giants might be too afraid to retaliate, but that really doesn’t feel like it covers all their bases because if there’s a successful rescue operation, they’re absolutely fucked. Maybe they’re just that arrogant, but seems foolish especially given the recent Revolutionary Army operation.

Of course, what it feels like is Oda setting up a situation in which they try to kidnap the kids but are stopped by the Strawhats, Loki and the other giants. Which then perfectly crumbles their whole pacifying Elbaph plan, and sets up Elbaph to be allies of the Strawhats in the final saga. Yay! Either that or they do succeed but the children are rescued, but I think that would require a move on Marie Geoise too early for the Strawhats (though it could happen at sea, I suppose). What would be especially funny is if they just haven’t factored in – or taken seriously – the Strawhats at all, which would just be a) incredibly stupid of them and b) their absolute downfall. But I do love to see arrogant assholes get their butts kicked. Though I’m pretty sure these knights are going to be pretty fucking strong and put us through some real stress, so we’ll see. Whatever happens, the end result is definitely not going to be a peaceful Elbaph – the giants are going to be gunning for Celestial Dragon blood.

Lastly, some quick thoughts on the buildup/explanation for the mural. Ripley says they’re childrens’ drawings from the Void Century (the thought popped into my head that it would be funny if they’re not actually drawn by children but just by someone not very good at drawing), and wonders if they’re “nothing more than a child’s dream.” Specifically, she says this because the mural shows people from all kinds of different races and regions fighting together against a common enemy. In the history of the world that is known, she adds that there was never cultural exchange. But we have to remember that firstly, Ripley is from Elbaph, which is an isolationist country. Secondly, no one knows anything about the Void Century, which is when we know the Ancient Kingdom was active and probably included/created exchange for lots of different peoples (like the Minks, Wano people, Fish-people, etc). It makes sense for her to be unaware of examples of cultural exchange, but we’ll literally see her husband say something to the contrary in the next chapter.

On top of that, the specific phrase she uses, describing it as “a child’s dream,” is exactly how I think Roger and Luffy’s dream would be described by most people. It’s why everyone laughs when they hear Luffy’s dream, and why it’s so important. Because it seems ridiculous to adults and those who don’t have that pure, childlike imagination. My theory on that dream, for a long time, has been that Luffy essentially wants to have a big party/feast with every single person in the world, because as simple and impossible as it seems, the conditions required to fulfil it would require the entire world to be completely transformed and fundamentally changed in ways that would materially benefit everyone. For example, there would need to be no war. For there to be no war there would need to be abundant resources for everyone in the form of energy, power, access to fresh food and water and shelter, etc. And there would also need to be care and at the very least respect between all these different people, to sit down and share a meal.

So yes, I’m sure the mural does depict a child’s dream, in a way. But Luffy and Roger’s dream goes beyond it, beyond the very left edge, to the actual beginning of a completely new world, one made possible by childlike joy, ambition and freedom.

Part 2 here.

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shirajellyfish · 10 months ago

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*ahem* Err, question for the director here. How could you manage to make Lune’s “redemption” arc so slowly evolving?? It was amazing the patience you had to not jump into the “friend-shaped” zone too fast, and yet still we wound up with hugs. It made it the most delightful portrayal I’ve seen of any Moon characterization, one weighty with true danger and hard-earned love.

Awww, that makes me so happy to hear that! Thank you! There were a few factors that contributed to the way it played out, I think. Once again I'm adding a read more because I am entirely sure this one will end up far too long as well haha

I wanted to write the journey, not the destination

I think the reason a lot of Moons go friend shaped quickly is because that's what the writer wants to write. They want a Moon who is dangerous to other people maybe, but who is friend to the main character. The common DCA trope of "Watch out, it's the dangerous man-eating tiger Moon!" Y/N: "Pet pat pat, this is my cat. He literally purrs for me." This trope is lovely and absolutely one of my favorite things. If that's what a writer wants to write, then it makes sense that they'd go there as quickly as possible. I would have done the same if what I wanted to write more than anything was friend Moon.

But I wanted to write dangerous feral Moon. I was so excited for every moment where he was threatening, chasing, out of his mind and on the hunt. I cherished writing every one of those scenes, because I knew I was only going to get to write a finite amount of them. I was SO EXCITED with each and every dangerous encounter, so I did everything I could to stretch that phase of the story out as much as I could. That's why it moved slow- I was purposely slowing it down as much as I could!

The thing about writing slowburn is that it shouldn't take patience. If you have to be patient to write a slow burn, then maybe you shouldn't be writing this particular thing as a slow burn. Think of it like going down a waterslide. No one is ever on the slide like "This is such a long slide, it's a real test of my patience to get to the end of it." No, they go "YIPPEE, WATER SLIDE! YAY! YAAAAY!" A slow burn should feel like a water slide. If it doesn't, then maybe the story would be more enjoyable if the characters were just at their destination already instead of spending so much time getting there.

2. A Moon can only be scary for so long.

You know how I said I tried to slow things down on purpose? It's because even the most dangerous and most feral of Moons can only be an exciting threat so many times. The more the story deals with a dangerous character, the more known they are. Like turning on the lights in a dark room, eventually the monster under the bed will cease to be scary. You only have so many of these really thrilling moments before either things will change, or the readers end up going "Oh, it's just another Moon encounter. He'll chase them around for a while before we can get back to the actual story, I guess."

With a fic as long as I See You Sundrop, ending at hugs with Lune was inevitable. I squeezed his character for every exciting scary moment I could, but eventually that relationship was going to have to develop beyond those moments one way or another.

It's not that I don't enjoy writing a softer friend Lune as well. I absolutely loved every moment of that as well- I wouldn't have written it if I didn't love writing it! But there was no possible universe where Lune, no matter how scary at the start, wouldn't develop eventually. Because of this, I was careful with the early Lune encounters and used him as sparingly as possible.

3. I didn't plan it whatsoever.

My secret to character development is that I just. Don't plan it. At all.

Somewhere near the start of the fic, I had an idea for a scene where Riley and Lune could share music with each other without it ending in violence. This general vague concept was reworked into the Closeted chapter and expanded there. This was also the only destination of any kind for them that I had planned.

I didn't write any of Lune's moments with the intention of reaching any kind of end-of-story relationship goal. I just wrote him. While Lune becoming friendly was inevitable, how friendly or what that friendship would look like was never something I was actively working towards. I just let it go and watched what happened, nothing was set in stone.

I put some beasts in a situation. I wonder, what would they do in said situation? I have them do it. Now I wonder, how does that change things between them? Now things have changed. Now the entire course of these characters, and their relationships, and the story itself has changed. This is why I can't write scenes out of order. Every single moment, every interaction, all of it causes everything to shift. I can think of certain plot ideas or big moments in advance, but I won't know how the characters will react to that until I get there- because I won't know who they will be at that point in the story until I get there.

This applies to every single character in my fic. Riley and Sundrop's friendship, Hunter, Natalie, the glamrocks... I knew what I wanted their role to be in certain scenes or the story overall, but I had no big plan for where their development would take them. None of their development was ever set in stone.

I've mentioned before that Take-you-apart was not a planned chapter, it was the result of asking Roxy what she'd do and realizing her answer was "attempted murder." A lot of story moments happened like that. Affection Values even happened that way. I'd never planned for the story to have a scene like that, but when I got there I went "Ohh. That makes sense, doesn't it."

Even Riley's big development moments were done this way. Play nice with your hands, be a good friend, the memory trick, even their relationship with their mom all developed in ways I hadn't planned. I actually wrote their mother as distant because originally, my plan was to give myself an excuse to never write about their family at all! You can see how fast that got thrown out the window.

Speaking of things I can't do- this is also why I write my entire fic before posting anything, and can't post chapter by chapter. Sometimes writing this way leaves glaring plot holes, big themes that aren't worked into the story early enough, and foreshadowing for events that never end up actually happening. I need to know the course of the story before I can refine it, and I won't know it until I get there.

Oops! That did indeed end up getting very long. I hope you were looking for a novel length ramble, because I guess I'm not capable of anything else haha.

#ask

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wutheringmights · 1 year ago

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can i ask for the hot mess commentary plz?

sure

Before we crack into this, take a moment to read what I said about the neck thing. I write that up a long time ago, but it provides some important context and is a good refresher on the secret history of Spirit's bi awakening.

Also, the director's commentary for this chapter is here, in case you want to review that.

Good? Okay, let's go at it.

So.... they had sex. Yay. Insert jazz hands.

I feel like I actually have way less to talk about here than I did for the neck thing. Granted, a lot of the neck thing is behind the scenes stuff. I guess that's a good place to start.

You may recall the informal hiatus CTB went on after Spirit came back to Warriors's era. I used a lot of that time to actually work out how to end CTB and what character/plot points I would need to hit to have a satisfying conclusion.

During this time, I was listing out things about Spirit and Warriors that I need to return to. Spirit had his codependent histories with the greenhorn and Zelda, or really his strategy for offering himself up as a means of feeling more in control, that needed to be explored. I needed to do some kind of follow-up with Warriors's latent attraction.

The two topics were similar enough to make me want to tackle them at once. But the moment I did, my brain decided that they should hate fuck. (I definitely was also thinking about my old concept of Spirit's unrequited crush-- I still write the characters like that happened, even if it never actually made it into the story.)

Why hate sex? Honestly, it would be kinda funny. Plus, it's a good writing exercise to ask yourself what would happen if your characters in conflict did (not really).

I knew immediately it could only end badly for everyone involved. But I knew I needed Warriors to hit an emotional low point to motivate him to do his Castle Town plan. I knew I wanted Spirit's big speech to come at a time when he and Warriors were emotionally connecting again, and that the response to that speech needed to push him back to Time.

Shit, I thought. This might be what they do.

But, like. I love protecting my peace. I have been skirting around the edges of homo eroticism with Spirit and Warriors as much as I dared. I didn't want to invite angry anons. But then.... did I really care? I understand where people are coming from, but at the same time... this is such a minuscule non-issue. Truly, and with emotion: who even cares?

First off, we already established with the neck thing that whatever fucked up thing these two have going on does not count as shipping. And second, if it does count as shipping, then fine! It's shipping then. This is what the plot is. I've been working on this story for too long to compromise now. I'll reap the consequences, whatever they may be.

I decided to keep it on the books, half believing I would change my mind once the chapter came up.

I was feeling very confident about my choice, up until the day of posting. That was then I got slammed in the face with regret. Luckily, there hasn't been any issues. I may have overestimated as much the general populous care about CTB. If there was ever any confirmation that this story has the world's most niche audience, this is it.

And you all have been great. There's been a lot of encouragement and kind words from you the readers, after you all stopped yelling, of course.

(Though I was prepared to be an obstinate jackass to anyone who tried to complain. I found a loophole and was ready to exploit the hell out of it. I was so ready!)

Funnily enough, everyone's reactions to the past few chapters helped to reassure me the most. There was been a lot of jokes about Warriors and Spirit having the world's worst situationship (lol).

So them having sex turned into an important character and plot moment. Warriors and Spirit got built up and tore down in self-destructive ways. This experience becomes the wake-up call Warriors needed to decide that he was ready to stop being the hero and get his life back.

A lot of people expressed surprise that Warriors and Spirit would go through with it even after talking it out. To be honest, I was a little surprised too! I was half convinced that Warriors had grown enough to stop the self-destructive cycle and turn Spirit down. But when looking at the scenes leading up to them being alone-- from Twilight denounce his friendship with Warriors, Toto turning him away, and Warriors generally in an emotional rut over his intellect and lost beauty--I realized that Warriors was already in the middle of another downward spiral. He would go through with this, if only to feel valued. It was the war all over again.

Also, apparently half of you guessed that Warriors would get cigarette burns from Spirit eventually. I hope you all were happy with the results!

When I posted that snippet from the chapter, apparently all of you knew that a kiss was coming. Ooops. I'm a little glad I surprised all of you with what happened next afterward.

On to funnier things:

I meant for there to be more compare/contrasts between Warriors's nights with Icarius and Spirit. The only one I really managed to do was Link being unable to sleep next to Icarius vs Warriors falling asleep easily.

Because this chapter and the last were supposed to be one, this scene was supposed to come out around Valentine's Day. Could you imagine?

I had the silliest time trying to figure out how to get Warriors and Spirit alone in a room together. I had this grand plan about them needing to get a room in a different inn from the others, whether because they were too tired to walk home after dancing or because they were too drunk to remember the way. Then I realized that Ganondorf could just give the Chain enough money to get more rooms. I realized this way later than I should have.

If you're wondering.... they switched....

I wrote that Warriors thought that sex with Spirit felt like an argument. That is because they are both the bossiest motherfuckers in bed. They both want things done their way or else. It's combative. Unfortunately, they both like the challenge.

I did have an idea for how to end this whole matter in a funny way, both involving someone from the chain finding out.

In my first idea, Time barges into what he thinks is just Warriors's room, in the middle of some kind of rant. Then he sees both of them sitting in bed, pauses, then promptly walks out. Warriors and Spirit quickly get dress before there's a knock on the door. When Warriors opens, Time walks in casually and starts his rant again while pretending none of this had happened. He would wait until Warriors was alone to be like WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!

My other alternate scenario involves Warriors and Spirit getting a room in a different inn. In the morning, Spirit is hurriedly trying to leave when there's a knock on the door. This time, it's a few members of the chain asking if he's seen Warriors anywhere. He says no. All but one walk away. The one who stays (probably Legend) would lean and discreetly tell him that he knew the room was under Warriors's name, so if they were done, could he tell Warriors to get his ass outside? Cue Spirit burning up in embarrassment.

EDIT: I actually had a third silly scenario idea. Similar to the others, Twilight barges in to talk to Warriors about Midna (they're still friends in this scenario; this was an idea from a long time ago). Warriors is still in the bed, but luckily Spirit is in the bathroom. Warriors tries to have a normal conversation without alerting Twilight that something was amiss. And it almost works until Spirit just walks out of the bathroom, waves, and goes to put his clothes on. Cue Twilight's 404 error.

So, yeah! That's the Hot Mess. As always, it's been really fun to see everyone's reactions. Warriors and Spirit are both extremely polarizing, and I love hearing everyone's hot takes.

Does this count as toxic yaoi? Not until I see an AMV to "Numb" by Linkedin Park. Luckily, Warriors and Spirit will never do this again. Probably.

#same rules as last time: please keep this out of the main tag #it's been fine so far but let's not tempt fate lol #feel free to ask follow up questions as well #me rambling #lu ctb #ctb lore #ctb spoilers #the hot mess #ctb commentary

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mossiestpiglet · 4 months ago

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Since I’m probably never gonna actually write them, I’m sharing my cotrk fic ideas so everyone can stew in the concepts with me:

Rise and fall of the Bloor family as shown from the perspective of their dining table - each chapter is a meal a few years/months apart, separated by big events in the Bloor family. Looking at how just deeply unpleasant it is to be a Bloor, that all the “family” stuff is sort of just set dressing for the reality of their situation. Haunting and creepy and weird, unhappy ending. Would follow canon events/timeline as close as possible and sort of just fill in the blanks.

Post-canon, Manfred and Asa reconnect and figure out their relationship - Manfred survives and leaves the city to try and figure out what his life is going to be now that the whole Bloor family scheme has fallen through. He bounces around for a couple years and then is finally working at (insert stereotypical job here) when he runs into Asa and finds out he has landed in the same town that Asa has been living in since getting away. There’s some “are you here to kill me” on both sides, they barely start talking stuff out before deciding Absolutely Not, and Manfred sort of hopes Asa will just leave him alone forever, but Asa recognizes the change in their positions and so won’t let Manfred go. Asa has found himself a new group of endowed friends (who actually like him! for the first time in his life!) and this group has a totally different view of him than being Manfred’s Dog, so things get a bit weird when Asa drags Manfred into this group. There is a lot of tension and the group doesn’t really get Manfred, or why Asa is so attached to such a weird asshole, but one day they are all out and Asa is getting pissed at some stranger and his new friends are all nervous and uncomfortable with his aggression and then Manfred is able to recall him instantly. And the group is like oooooohhhhhh that’s it. They had only known Asa as a Man and a Beast, but now they see that (for the right person), there is also a Dog. This incident prompts Manfred and Asa to dig a little more into what happened between them and how they are going to go on.

Post-canon, Naren and Harold meet - Naren decides she wants to meet the rest of her family and make up her mind about them herself (not just listening to what Bartholomew says). Since Harold has left the city and she has no idea how to find him, she asks Charlie for help, and he asks Lyell. In my BarleyAU “canon”, Lyell tells Charlie to go to Barley, and Barley facilitates the meeting, but I also like it without Barley as a chance to also explore the dynamic between Harold and Lyell and choices made in order to move forward. Harold and Naren end up having an odd sort of relationship, not least because they are siblings that are 35+ years apart in age, but the outlook is optimistic because 1) Naren is just Like That and 2) Harold is more generally unpleasant than actively harmful nowadays. (Manfred is alive, he’s just not involved in this because I hc that he and Harold aren’t on good terms post-canon for quite a while, and really only ever reconnect if someone else brings them back together, such as Barley, Lyell, or Naren)

BarleyAU, Barley and Billy bonding (alliteration yay!) - Barley and Billy’s relationship is like actually quite relevant to my BarleyAU plot because Barley gets so protective of Billy so quickly, but there is also just lots of fun side scenes of them bonding over their love of animals that wouldn’t make the cut if I did ever write a whole BarleyAU. This would be fun and funny and very much for the animal nerds, with also some undertones of found family as that is the trajectory of Barley and Billy’s dynamic.

Post-canon, Emma as an older teen with PTSD, trying to figure out how to go forward - Set when they are in their final year at Bloor’s and Emma has been having a rough time as the years go on. She has a lot of guilt and shame over feeling like she is disappointing everyone around her by not moving on, or being upset, and generally feels like there is no one who can understand what she went through, and her distress affects her endowment in painful and embarrassing ways. She starts to fixate on the idea of closure, thinking that the reason she can’t just “stop having problems” is because Manfred (and Harold but mainly Manfred) left the city when she was 12, and she never got to actually confront him about it. Everyone is super against her seeking him out, but Lyell feels bad enough about not having helped her when he was the person who had the most in common with her situation to give in and help her find Manfred, and also to try and protect her as much as he can (again). There’s lots of ways that talking with Manfred could go, but what I’m most interested in exploring is Manfred having also been a kid at the time and how Lyell and Emma feel about that, putting Lyell in a situation where he has to start processing things himself and can’t just act like it’s all wrapped up, and Emma realizing that there really aren’t any answers to be found in Manfred, she has to find it in herself and the people who care about her.

1902AU - Setting the whole series just a century earlier and exploring how that setting affects the dynamics. Plot would follow the canon without too many huge differences probably, it would mainly just be focused on how characterization and setting interact.

#cotrk #ecdysing #cotrk fic ideas #cotrk oc #barley wasserbar

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themoonisreal · 1 year ago

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Chapter 3 of ‘Partners in Thyme’ is up!!! Yay!!!

Now it’s out of 4 chapters because chapter 3 needed a break. Really excited to finish writing the last chapter, but I’m also happy about how this one turned out :)

Also, how am I supposed to announce new chapters? Is there an etiquette? Should I be putting them all in the same reblog chain/thread? I can’t even find my other post on my blog. And do I keep repeating the fic summary or do I use the summary for the chapter I’m posting? lol help/advice welcome.

Summary:

Charlie’s newest bonding exercise is proving to be quite the mixed bag. On the one hand, having the hotel inhabitants pair up once a week to cook a meal for everyone is a lovely concept. On the other hand, the results have been disappointingly inconsistent.

Who does Charlie have paired up to cook next week’s meal? Alastor and Lucifer, of course!

Set a few weeks after 'Oh, Holy Light' and 'Affliction of the Heart'.

Other fics in the ‘Divorced Dads’ series:

Oh, Holy Light

Affliction of the Heart

@themoonisreal on AO3

#hazbin hotel #radioapple #soft radioapple #alastor #radio demon #lucifer morningstar #short king #cooking #radioapple cooking #appleradio #fanfic #my fanfiction

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madaqueue · 10 months ago

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eternally, yours

chapter 2 | protection

pairing: vampire!choso kamo x f!reader

themes/content: non-curse modern au. fluff. language, alcohol consumption, brief stalking/catcalling, mentions of blood. 18+, MDNI

word count: 2.8k

a/n: the gang (me) craving domesticity? it's more likely than you think!

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“Wake uppppp!” a giddy scream echoes across your bedroom as you suddenly jolt awake to a tiny body careening towards you. Megumi’s dark hair tickles your face as he leaps onto you, cushioned by thick blankets, their warmth suddenly ripped from you as he tears them down in an attempt to alert you.

“I’m up, I’m up!” you scream through a laugh as you hold him away from you, cautiously avoiding his injured shoulder still held in place with the dark-blue sling from the prior week’s hospital visit.

Megumi giggles above you, his dimpled cheeks gleaming down at you as he tugs at your hand, pulling you from bed. “I wanna go to the park, pleeeeeease?” he begs.

Ruffling his hair, eyes glancing over the scar digging across his forehead, you jokingly groan. “Okay, but just for a few hours, alright buddy? I’ve got plans tonight, remember?”

His toothy grin widens, an adorable high-pitched squeal of excitement leaving his throat as he hurriedly runs from your room to get ready, a chant of “Yay, yay, yay!” echoing down the hallway.

Rubbing sleep from your eyes, you are perpetually stunned by your brother’s energy, his unending optimism. In spite of his injuries, both visible and invisible, he opens his heart every single day.

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ ༝ ˚ ｡⋆

In the heat of the summer sun, you watch Megumi run and play with other kids, a childlike innocence as he leaps across the sand, giggles spilling from the playground. Cicadas chirp in the trees surrounding the bench you currently sit on, hidden under the shade of the overlaying foliage.

Running up to you, breathless, your younger brother manages a choked, “Can I stay a little longer?”

Rummaging through your bag, you toss him the water bottle you packed, his small hands grabbing it and ravenously chugging in insatiable gulps. Shaking your head, you apologetically stand to leave. “You know we can’t, big guy, I’m sorry.”

Despite the water already dribbling down his chin, he smiles, accepting your judgement. “Okay,” he grins. Grabbing your hand, his sweaty fingers intertwining with your own, he walks home next to you, the bounce in his step never wavering.

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ ༝ ˚ ｡⋆

As night settles, the hum of chatter fills your ears as you sway in place along the outskirts of the bar, surrounded by your friends. Condensation from your drink dampens the palm of your hand. Despite the high-energy buzz of their conversation, all you can focus on is Megumi.

Is he okay? Should you have left him at home?

“Hey!” one of your friends calls out. “It’s so good to see you!”

A weak smile graces your lips as you nod, a chorus of cheers joining in. “I can’t believe you came out tonight!” “It’s been forever!” “We missed you!”

Has it really been that long? Thinking back as you sip your drink, how long had it been? months? a year? since you allowed yourself to let go like this, to be with your friends, to just sink into the moment; until tonight, you had been too preoccupied taking care of Megumi.

And you still couldn’t even do that right. The thought nags in the back of your mind, guilt settling in your stomach, before a full shot glass is shoved into your hand by one of your friends. Excited yells erupt as you knock it back instinctively, hands suddenly tugging you onto the dance floor.

The music pulses through your body, hips swinging as you chant the lyrics to whatever songs the DJ decided to play. Foggy lights surround you, bright and alluring, pulling you further into the moment. Your body feels light as you hug your friends, pure and innocent bliss shared through your laughs.

When it finally comes time to leave, you part ways with your group, cheers roaring through them as you walk alone down the street towards your apartment, knowing it was too far to walk to your father’s home and too late to call a taxi.

It’s only a few blocks, you try to reassure yourself as the streetlight above you flickers.

Suddenly, footsteps are heard behind you.

It’s no big deal, people walk this way all the time. They’re probably just heading home, same as me.

When the footsteps pick up speed, your heart begins to race in your chest.

Shit.

“Hey sweetheart, wait up,” an unfamiliar voice calls from behind you, sneering in false sincerity at the nickname.

Shit, shit, shit.

Picking up your pace, you desperately try to maintain any distance with the stranger, your mind scrambling in panic. You can’t outrun him, you couldn’t physically beat him in a fight if it came down to it, what are you supposed to do? Just as tears threaten to spill over your lashes in fear, you see someone ahead of you on the street.

A man stands waiting at the bus stop, eyes downturned towards his phone that softly illuminates his face, a gym bag slung over his shoulder. Something about him sends an immediate wave of comfort over you, just enough to think of a semi-logical plan.

“There you are, babe!” you proclaim loudly, hopefully audible to the threatening stranger behind you. Walking confidently up to the somehow more intrinsically trustworthy man ahead of you, you toss your arms around his neck and grab him in a hug, something about his body familiar to you in a deep, indescribable way. “Please, just go with it,” you whisper into his ear.

Initially his body tenses, but as he feels your desperation through the tight grasp you have on him, he relaxes. “Do you need help?” he whispers into your neck.

“Hey, bitch, I’m talking to you!” calls the stranger behind you threateningly.

Nodding desperately, the scent of his cologne finally enters your senses, a spicy warmth tingling your mind as you search for where you recognize it from.

“Then we better make this believable,” he murmurs into you, his voice shockingly deep.

As he pulls you slightly away from him, your eyes finally scan his face as realization sets in - the black eyes, distinctive tattoo, dark hair pulled up - he was unmistakable, the man who had so caringly treated your brother when you were in the emergency room.

Before you can respond he’s leaning forward, his lips pressing against yours. Your eyes flutter closed instinctively as you push yourself into him, his hands finding their place on your lower back as he pulls you closer. Despite the cold of the night air his lips are warm, a soft tenderness to them as they part, allowing your tongue to enter his mouth as the kiss deepens.

Unbeknownst to you, Choso’s gaze remains fixed on the predator behind you, shooting daggers through him as the man scoffs. “Fuck you, whore,” he yells before turning around and disappearing into the night.

A wave of relief crashes over you as his footsteps retreat; yet, Choso doesn’t pull away, his lips lingering for a moment before you finally separate.

“Thanks,” you breathe out, heart still pounding despite the fear that no longer remains in you.

A smirk graces Choso’s features as he looks down at you, his eyes low. “Any time,” he purrs, the richness of his voice making you shiver.

As a moment of silence passes, you realize you’re just staring at him, suddenly processing the encounter. “S-sorry for kissing you,” you stammer, stepping away from him to create space.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” he responds.

“I…I know you,” you think aloud. “You took care of my brother, Megumi, at the hospital?”

Pausing, Choso nods. Not that he needs to hesitate - he hadn’t been able to forget about you from the moment he saw you, finding himself standing outside the room you had been in, his feet holding him in the spot where you wrapped your arms around him that night. He hadn’t been able to focus on anything since then, thoughts constantly returning to you no matter what he tried. “I remember you,” he blurts out, hoping the confession isn’t too forthcoming.

Fortunately, a warm smile covers your face as you look up at him. “Dr. Kamo, right?”

He nods again. “But please, just call me Choso.”

“Okay, Choso,” you smile.

God, he thinks he could die right here just from hearing you say his name. The sweetness of your cadence makes his heart flutter as he pushes down a giddy grin.

“Well, thanks again, but I guess I should get home now,” you start to turn away from him, continuing your walk down the dim sidewalk.

Before you can get far, a hand reaches out and firmly grabs your wrist. You pause in your tracks, shocked by the raw strength of his grasp. “Wait,” he murmurs, releasing his grip as you turn to face him. “You can’t go by yourself - I mean, what if that guy shows up again? At least let me walk you home.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course,” he smiles. “I was just waiting for the bus, I’m really not doing anything more important than this.”

Warmth spreads over your body at his kindness, your head gently shaking as you agree.

A sigh of relief, so quiet you barely catch it, leaves his throat at your response. He can’t let you go, not when it’s so dangerous - who would be there to protect you?

Walking in place next to you, the few remaining blocks to your apartment are silent, but something about Choso’s presence puts you at ease, comfortable in the tranquility night brings. Finally reaching your apartment, Choso clears his throat as you turn the key to your door. “Well, I hope you have a good rest of your night, and I hope Megumi’s doing okay,” he speaks before moving to leave.

“Wait,” the word leaves your throat before you can catch it, now your turn to make the man pause in his steps. “I wouldn’t want you walking back to the bus stop all by yourself - after all, it could be dangerous,” you smirk. “Why don’t you just stay here for tonight?”

Joy bubbles in Choso’s chest, exuberant at your offer, but some part of his psyche, in the very back of his mind, screams don’t do this. He shouldn’t - he’s been forced to go to the blood bank an extra two times already since the night he met you, unable to clear his mind until his body was filled with the blood of others. Would he be able to restrain himself now, with you this close?

Swinging the door open, you prod in his silence. “C’mon, it’s late, and it’s dark, just come in Choso.”

Any remaining resolution crumbles as you say his name, a soft “Okay,” falling from his lips as he steps inside, “but I’m sleeping on the couch.”

“Deal,” you grin, flicking the lights on.

His eyes roam over the space, the gentle scent of vanilla hovering through your home. Something about it feels so warm, so unmistakably you.

Suddenly embarrassed at the state you left things in, only able to notice the pile of unwashed dishes in the sink and dirty clothes strewn across your couch, you instinctively push him further inside. “I’ll, uh, go grab some blankets,” you mutter, stepping around him and making your way to the bedroom, pushing piles of your own mess away as you move.

Kicking off his shoes, Choso’s mind races as he settles into your couch, clouded with you, you, you. His fingers gently trace his lips, remembering the way yours had been on them not long ago. He remembers their softness, the slight cherry taste in your mouth, how warm and perfect you felt in his grasp.

“Here,” you toss him a pillow and some blankets from your room, “let me know if it’s too cold or anything for you tonight, or if-”

“It’s perfect, thank you,” he hums, voice barely above a whisper.

“Goodnight, Choso,” you smile before turning back into your room.

“Goodnight.”

Adjusting to form a makeshift bed in your living room, he tries to push down his recurrent thoughts of you, a futile effort. You felt so small in his hold, having to lean up to reach your lips to his, the way your fingertips grazed the back of his neck. The plush comforter above him wafts more of your sweet smell into the air, further intoxicating.

While he doesn’t need to sleep, he spends the hours of the night caught up in ideas of you, his palm resting over his face to cover the place where you kissed him, a feeling he vows to never forget.

༝ ˚ ｡⋆ ༝ ˚ ｡⋆

In the morning, his dream-like state is suddenly interrupted by the sound of clattering from the kitchen. Soft curses leave your lips as pans tumble through the cupboard, metallic clanking echoing through your apartment as they hit the ground.

Choso stirs from his place on the couch, rubbing his eyes to focus on you.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” you explain, a sheepish grin on your face.

The sweet smell of syrup suddenly hits him, eyes glancing over to the stove where a mass of pancakes has accumulated.

Walking across the room to stand next to him, you hand him a white mug, the dark fluid in it a stark contrast to the bright ceramic adorned with small, hand-painted flowers. “I didn’t know if you liked coffee, but I just figured I’d make it for you-” you babble.

“Thank you,” he cuts you off, a soft grin forming across his tired features. Lifting the mug to his lips he takes a sip, the warm liquid pouring down his throat.

You know it’s too hot to drink, yet Choso doesn’t seem to react - maybe he just likes hot coffee? Shrugging off the insecurity, simply grateful he accepted your show of affection, you return to your place in front of the stove.

The man rises, his muscles straining against his clothes as he stretches. Your eyes cover his body before you force yourself to pull your gaze away from his taught chest, biceps rippling under his skin-tight shirt. There was something nearly poetic about him, something ancient sculptors strove to capture mirrored in his form.

Still slightly drowsy from the respite of his dreams, he finds himself walking across the kitchen until he hits the counter, seating himself at one of the barstools.

“I hope you’re hungry,” you laugh softly as you fill a plate with pancakes, setting it in front of him. After a moment you flip a few onto your own, pulling the plate across the table to sit next to him.

Again, a comfortable silence falls upon you as you eat your breakfast. Something about having him here, in your home, his hair undone and body relaxed, feels natural, a routine you could see yourself slipping into.

Yet, next to you, Choso struggles to hold himself together. Why today, of all days, did you have to wear those shorts to bed? Moreover, why that t-shirt, one that so perfectly drapes the contours of your body? The domesticity, the familiarity, makes his heart ache for a comfort he can’t have, one he knows he doesn’t deserve.

But the way you kissed him, the way you formed to his body, felt like it was something you had shared for years. You had seen him, felt him, and still chose to be near him; would you still be with him if you knew it all, knew everything?

“Choso,” your voice pulls him from his mental cloud, “if you don’t like my cooking, you can just say so.”

Eyes widening, he finally focuses his gaze downward, observing the mass of flour and syrup beneath him. His fork had been absentmindedly cutting at the meal you served - one he, of course, didn’t have to eat - turning it to mush before your eyes. Guilt overtakes him, the fear of your hatred consuming him before a giggle echoes through the room.

“I’m just kidding, Cho,” you laugh, playfully punching his shoulder.

The nickname, a pleasantry he had never been afforded, fills his body with an impossible warmth. How had you managed to do this so easily, so effortlessly?

Turning his head, he finally focuses on you. “I’m sorry, i-it’s good,” he stutters.

Another laugh leaves your lips, the sound bright against the darkness of the early morning. “Y’know, if there’s a place with food you like better, you could just ask me on a date there.”

You weren’t sure what had come over you, a novel confidence brewing in you as you continued glancing at the man next to you. Some part of your heart was drawn to him, unable to let him leave, needing his approval of you, his desire.

You open your mouth to counter the offer as his silence settles, fearing you had overstepped an unspoken boundary between you, before his voice hits your ears. “Next week?” he asks, his voice low.

“Deal,” you smile at him.

A childlike grin tugs at his cheeks as he looks at you, disbelief fighting with adoration as his eyes cover your form. “Deal,” he repeats.

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cephalonserotonin · 11 months ago

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Devstream 179 Notes

Thank you for your patience as I get this out about a week late; I've had multiple family obligations the past few weeks which have, alas, cut into my warframe time.

Apparently the Stug is a Top Gear reference (Kaz is wearing a motorcycle helmet and doesn't speak for a good 20 minutes, it's actually kind of annoying) A new devstream face on the left: Nikita, principal weapons artist!

1999 Hype Dripfeed

(to catch up those unaware: first referenced in last year's tennocon, and barely begun in the Whispers in the Walls update, Warframe 1999 is the game's "next chapter," unexpectedly taking place during what seems to be the age of the apple II and Y2K, featuring "protoframes" and the good works of Nine Inch Nails.)

Tennocon 2024 merch is retro 1999 and awesome: the physical merch pack includes a very cool USB key, and the digital pack includes a dope syandana

YAY the Aoi teaser, it is absolutely worth rewatching

Concept art for Arthur, Aoi, PINK ATOMICYCLE!

Protea Prime next this week

Protea Prime herself and her awesome trailer have come out since I took these notes, so I'm just going to link the prime access trailer and website promo instead of my usual preview descriptions. Definitely watch the trailer, it's....inspiring. We've had such banging soundtracks for the prime trailers lately!

May 15 "Interim" Update:

Will bring next season of Nightwave; the current season will end on that day, and the next will start two hours later (on the same day; how nice, I hate waiting that extra week). Comes with a set of "daybreak" skins for the nukor, glaive, kubrows (?), and the ✨CEDO✨(my Lavos bias comes through)

Some tennogen skins, nice to see skins for less represented boys Revenant and Baruuk. There will be another batch of tennogen in the Jade Shadows that includes a skin for Lavos (hype).

💚 Update 36: Jade Shadows💚

Lore focusing on the Stalker coming from a Post-TNW perspective

I got really excited because Rebb used "they" for the Stalker (who I think has always previously been he/himd?)

Jade: the 57th warframe! She's somewhat but not wholly angelic: light is the theme, but there is "choral flavour." Pablo describes her kit as "support and debuffing enemies"

Lore focusing on the Stalker coming from a Post-TNW perspective

I got really excited because Rebb used "they" for the Stalker (who I think has always previously been he/himd?)

Jade: the 57th warframe! She's somewhat but not wholly angelic: light is the theme, but there is "choral flavour." Pablo describes her kit as "support and debuffing enemies"

Honestly I think her wings are giving more Peacock

They wanted to include more direct visual inspiration on the Stalker's weapons but they were determined "too edgy" lol. But they're still Stalker-inspired. She has Evensong (Jade!Dread, which I'm especially excited for), Cantare (Jade!Despair, which I hope has better stats than the OG), and Harmony (Jade!Hate)

The Stalker has a Landing Craft Skin called "Terror." Which is very cohesive with the rest of the Stalker aesthetic.

Operation: Belly of the Beast: A clan operation that will launch with Jade Shadows.

There's a new eximus :( the Jade Light Eximus :( "Parvos Granum is up to something" 😨

also Yareli Deluxe is a thing

As an aside, Kaz, freed from the Stug bit, is rocking the Gideon Nav energy 😎

Another helping of QOL:

Adjusting the "rubber" necks of frames: "Warframes aren't prey, they're predators".

Alchemy in the circuit! As an enjoyer of both the alchemy game mode and the circuit (and not a fan of its defense or assassination), this is welcome for me!

Apparently the AI level changes are important for crossplay; "a bouquet of QOL" that will bring a better experience for many.

Medical debt bond drop rates adjusting includes a replacement for the credits reward in bounties. and there was much rejoicing.

Here Comes Pablo's Rant: impending enemy scaling & status effects rework

As with all of Pablo's mechanics overviews, I recommend watching (or reading) this yourself if you want a deeper look. He's always very informative.

"A lot of this may change" off to a great start

Devs are considering adding a damage cap for enemy armor and adjusting the damage resistance function of armor. reasoning: armor strip should be a viable strategy but not an absolute requirement for higher level play.

Status type mechanics will be simplified: type effectiveness bonuses are now going to be by faction instead of by flesh/armor/shield material -> with exceptions:: Kuva Grineer, Amalgam Corpus, Deimos Infested

Buffing some less used status effects: Cold will now fully freeze enemies, which doubles crit bonus Gas will be more visible visually (but mechanically the same) Magnetic…will depend on how the shield rework goes (yay playtesting). Blast "will be blasty." I've been hoping for a Blast buff for AGES so I'm excited to see what we get from that admittedly very vague teaser.

You can tell he knows the fanbase is already going to flame him for even coming close to nerfing viral/heat/slash, because he said several times they are not being altered. We love you Pablo.

Semi-auto weapons are going to have automatic (not needing to re-click) shooting mode, but (similarly with the shield gating rework last year) you'll be able to keep your semiautomatic flavour with a new mod that disables this new functionality in exchange for a big buff. Effectively replacing Shred with another high-damage, high-punch-through mod.

Key art is from Warframe's official devstream overview; stream screenshots are my own.

#warframe #devstream 179 #sera's devstream notes #warframe 1999 #Jade Shadows

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windienine · 11 months ago

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ugh soulsov on the brain again. spoiler-laden ramble time.

i think my favorite part of the game's story overall so far is the really clear dynamic between "person who passively lets himself die" and "person who really, desperately, actively yearns to be alive"

that yearning is ysmé's core character trait. all of her really jarring traits-- the lies, the pageantry, the honest and open disdain for everything about the mosaic-- it's because she desperately wants something better for herself. when she's asked if she's here to save the world, the "yes" that comes out of her isn't mocking or trying to get the moment over with. she wants to save it! the mosaic isn't in imminent danger, but it's rotten from the inside and it makes her angry and desperate enough that she'd do anything to change it!

loïc has a lot of that exact same disdain, just... quieter, kept to a few polite words or his internal monologue. he doesn't like living in a rigid theocracy, and even before things with lia escalated to the point they did the game makes a point that he is not a practicing religious guy, he saw the beating heart of what the mosaic lives on and thinks it sucks.

the difference is that loïc's honest response to this is "the world is a terrible place (though i won't say that openly, it might discourage somebody) and i hope i can make it a bit better-- for somebody, for anybody, for you-- before everything eventually crashes down."

and ysmé's is "fuck you. fuck this. fuck the Church, fuck the tower, everything has to change and if that means setting everything that makes this world recognizable on fire and building something better out of the smoldering ashes then i will be all the happier for it."

loïc lived pretty comfortably in polite society for most of his life until losing his kid made him abruptly fuck off to nowheresville in search of a cure (or, rather, to carve himself up to give to people piece by piece until there was nothing left to lose, yay suicidal tendencies) and whatever the hell is up with ysmé she doesn't even have a surname. girl's a wanted criminal who has gone total scorched earth on everything, even if she hasn't held that status for very long.

and you can't really have positive change unless you have a little of both of these attitudes. loïc's got this understanding that people are worthwhile just because they're people and violence should be avoided whenever possible, and ysmé has a powerful will and an ability to imagine a future where things are better (even if only for her/by her standards.) i want to learn more about what she actually wants out of freedom as a concept. (girl, why are you wanted by the Church? what HAPPENED to you?) the two of them already have a lot to learn from and gain from existing around one another, in terms of compassion and drive, respectively.

alternatively, because things will inevitably get worse with these two before they get better, ysmé fully has the potential to force her (often impersonal and cruel) worldview onto loïc and force him to bloody his hands when the going gets tough, and loïc can sit back and let it happen with a smile on his face because inaction is so much less painful than taking the reins and making his own decisions that will inevitably accomplish nothing and go nowhere like they have for months now. besides, he's already committed to helping her. what's he going to do if she goes too far and actually kills someone this time? decide helping her was meaningless, too?

the prelude's narrative needs you to be in loïc's head, hearing his thoughts, and generally sharing a good deal of his ideas for most of its runtime, but i feel like that's going to change in future chapters as we see more of ysmé's past and perspective.

#soulsov #victor text

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theophagie · 3 days ago

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Stella: A Collection of Articulated Yappings Pre-Season 3

Aaand she's all finished. Yay 💜 And since neither ao3 nor tumblr won in the poll I made for it, in the end I decided that it shall here too

Chapter 0.9: Introduction

Greetings! I wanted all my thoughts on Stella to be nice and pretty and orderly SOMEWHERE, and what better time to organize them than while in waiting limbo.

I want to preface this by saying one thing. Two things, actually.

1) My “base” are a bunch of posts that I wrote on my blog over the past months, and that I wrangled into an essay-ish style and divided into small sections to fit a chapter-by-chapter format. Part of the reason I chose to do this was because the further time went on, the madder I got with… some things… and I didn't want to carry that energy over to this experiment.

2) I am not part of the self-identified “critical community”, as in my experience it's a crowd of people who either stick around just to hate on the story despite disliking its direction or who misuse the word “critical”, interpret characters' actions/behaviours through the worst lenses possible, and use said misreadings of the source material to make up reasons to hate on the story, on the people who work on it, etc. That being said, I have some issues with the broader fandom as well when it comes to how people talk about Stella, and some of those grievances will come up here. I am also not going to preface every paragraph with reminders that Stella is a bad person or things along these lines: I shouldn't have to lead people by the hand.

PS. Because the images embedded in this chapter were made some time ago, they have that passive-aggressive vibe that I want to avoid here. Despite this, they summarize my points well enough, so I chose to include them anyway.

Chapter 1: A Full Barrel And A Drunk Wife

Title reference: the Italian equivalent of having your cake and eating it too. Both at the same time = ❌️ !

“Why can’t villains just be evil anymore? Why must we care for their backstory, motivation, interiority?”

These are frequent questions when it comes to media discussions, and many a time the answer is a simple one: because stories which can afford one-dimensional villains are few, and stories which deal with mature themes are generally not amongst them. Monodimensional villains work best when the narrative that they belong to engages in simple, “black vs white” morality (as is often the case in children's stories), in the context of certain kinds of fantasy or horror media (where they can embody specific concepts, fears, elements), et cetera. When a show that doesn't share these traits approaches its main characters and their struggles with nuance, it sets up the expectation that surely this treatment will be expanded to their conflicts against their respective antagonists. By refusing to develop its villains, it thus runs the risk of trivializing the very conflicts that drive its story. In this case, a villain with no depth is not a good contrasting force to a complex protagonist: the stakes are too unbalanced. Furthermore, a villain doesn't need complexity for the purpose of becoming sympathetic— or redeemable, as many often say (accuse): it’s for making them believable. If a character’s motivations are rooted in reality or even just feel realistic, refusing to engage with them weakens the narrative. If I can have an easy understanding of what could lead a person into a downward spiral, then that automatically absolves them from being “just evil”.

In light of being so invested in its protagonists' inner world and complexities, and in the way their circumstances affect every aspect of their lives, Helluva Boss is one of those shows which cannot afford to neglect most of its antagonists, because doing so would undermine the very narrative that it's trying to build. Stella is one of these antagonists. By having committed to exploring Stolas' struggles, allowing Stella to remain a one-note villain would weaken the overall story due to the fact that the two of them not only came from the same background, but also share significant history with each other (three characters if we count Octavia as well). The story has already “gone there” with one of them, so why shouldn’t it do the same with the other one, when it would only make for a better, more complex depiction of an emotional reality?

Once again, the issue isn’t that Stella is a bad person. It’s that there's been no effort put into her characterization, and “you will see her backstory soon” can only carry you so far when she’s been stagnant for two whole seasons. It feels lazy, mismanaged at best, and it's made all the more glaring by her narrative proximity to Stolas. All she's done so far is function like a plot device.

There are viewers who are actively hostile to the idea of Stella becoming a complex character — or rather, having inherent complexities which need to be addressed — which is why I sympathize with her “stans” to a point, because oftentimes discussing her leads to receiving backlash regardless of the opinions expressed. I said “to a point” for good reason: these are the same people who accuse the writers of babying Stolas, who outright victim-blame him, and so on. I share their frustration and dissatisfaction with the handling of Stella's character, not what they blame them on.

Chapter 2: That's The Last Song You'll Ever Sing

Title reference: Bird Song by Florence + the Machine.

S2Ep1: The Circus foregoes all subtlety by very explicitly unveiling a theme that will recur throughout the whole season, and that had been floating in the background of the show since its very beginning: childhood experiences, and their clear and undeniable effect on a person's development. While the episode doesn't remotely focus on Stella's perspective, as neither do S1 and S2 as a whole, I believe that her picture offers some insight into her childhood— whether any thought was actually put into its contents and despite the fact that many took it as proof that she's innately evil.

Violence does not exist in a vacuum, especially when it comes to children. While the specifics of Stella’s situation are still unknown, one can speculate.

As seen with Stolas, children of the aristocracy are burdened by strict expectations, and their value is tied to their usefulness to their family: they are assets with no freedom or autonomy. Stepping out of line or not being able to live up to the family's expectations equals punishment, physical and emotional. Even accounting for how spoiled Stella would have been growing up, this would apply tenfold to someone whose duty will be to marry a prince and provide him with an heir. Stella’s naivety as an adult is another point of interest: aiding or encouraging her psychological and emotional development clearly was not one of the objectives of her education. And why should it have been? What a waste of time, effort, and resources for someone whose destiny was to just be a prince's bride and the mistress of a palace, with infinite material wealth to appease her every whim.

Cruelty — cruelty towards animals especially — can be born from feelings of powerlessness, frustration, fear or uncertainty even, as a drastic attempt to feel the slightest bit in control. If Stella was raised in a strict or outright abusive environment, which the Goetia family inherently is, it would make sense for her behaviour to be a misplaced reaction to her circumstances.

Saying that Stella was simply “born bad” is an easy, maybe tempting explanation because it doesn’t require any reflection, nor any openness towards her. Stella has been a one-dimensional villain for the entirety of two seasons so far, but for the sake of the show's credibility, she can't remain one. She's an unexplored character, but there's no need to look too far for ways to dive into her interiority, as there are many options to explore even just by using this small glimpse of her childhood as a guideline.

Chapter 3: Everything Will Glow For You

Title reference: The Love Club by Lorde.

Personal traumas aside— while class and species differences have been the underlying causes for the conflicts within Helluva Boss thus far, the Goetia family embodies a kind of structured power which further complicates things from a social point of view.

[Note: this image was made on a whim to summarize as much as possible the contents of a post. As such, it is extremely reductive.]

Historically, especially in the aristocracy, marriage has been a contract between families and a means of securing alliances and reinforcing societal hierarchies. Within this system, women are tools for dynastic continuity and defined by their relationship to the men around them. The information at our disposal makes it clear that the Goetia family is structured in such a way that it upholds these patriarchal traditions, ones which abhor the idea of transgression. In such a context, for example, the scandal of Stolas' affair with Blitz is twofold: Blitz is ontologically other and lesser than, and Stolas is rejecting the expectations placed upon him by a system that both disdains and feels entitled to his person. Similarly, the Goetia family’s broader values place emphasis on the intersection of traditional masculinity and power. The notion that a man must be virile is tied to misogynistic and homophobic ideals: failing to meet certain expectations leads to derision and ostracism, which in turn reinforce the idea of femininity being inferior.

Whether Helluva Boss wants to engage with such underlying social dynamics or not, their implications are embedded in its narrative by virtue of the subjects it chose to depict: its characters must navigate a rigidly hierarchical world, and at least within the Goetia family that hierarchy is also patriarchal in its expression. In this sense, while the show may not consciously frame Stella's scorn for Stolas' deviation from traditional masculinity through homophobic or misogynistic lenses — she never comments on Stolas' sexuality itself or on Blitz’s gender, after all — the fact remains that it's a challenge to the fundamental ideals that make up her worldview.

Stolas' decision to pursue a divorce is another such challenge.

Once again: marriage is a contract. In the case of Stolas and Stella's marriage, he secured Paimon's lineage by having an heir, she presumably secured her family’s standing, as well as her own. In light of this, Stella’s reaction to Stolas’ affair cannot be dismissed by just saying that she considers imps to be inferior to goetic demons, or to other hellborns. She absolutely does, mind you. But Stella is also a character who's profoundly concerned with self-image and reputation, and this concern reflects a broader societal pressure: as a noble and a woman, her worth is intrinsically tied to the image of marriage and monogamy. Even more crucially, divorce in the Goetia family isn't just scandalous and reputation-damaging, it's also never been done before— or so Andrealphus alleges in S2E4: Western Energy, at least. So Stella rages, because Stolas' affair, who his lover is, and their divorce are all compounding forces which undermine the very foundation upon which her authority stands.

I have no interest in trying to convince people to feel sympathy for Stella. However, I am interested in pointing out the forms of societal oppression that have shaped her life, and that are implied in the fabric of Helluva Boss' narrative— regardless of whether the show will ever choose to directly acknowledge them or not.

Chapter 4: Coal To Diamonds, Sold To Fools

Title reference: The Family Jewels by Marina.

The first private interaction between Stella and Andrealphus that the viewers are privy to is deliberately unsettling, for the show consciously employs seductive tension on Andrealphus' part to imply that there's an incestuous aspect to their rapport: Andrealphus doesn't simply repeatedly comment on Stella's beauty and calls her by sexual appellatives, he also invades her space and physically touches her when asserting his dominance over her.

While Helluva Boss ultimately chooses not to pursue this path, it purposefully framed their introductory scene in such a way that it would have benefitted from the expectations and suspense set up by media with similar characters which preceded it, and which did cross that line.

The nature of abuse is insidious, and the dynamic between Stella and Andrealphus displays this well. At its core is power, something which Andrealphus holds over Stella in a way that shapes their entire relationship. Abuse also transcends sexual orientation, which is why his sexuality doesn't negate nor collide with incestuous readings of his behaviour towards her — however sublimated said incest actually is — and the structure of the Goetia family itself, which is patriarchal in nature, legitimizes them to a point: such dynamics aren't deviant, they're an exacerbation of the power imbalances which are inherent to the institution of the family.

The insults to Stella’s intelligence and the physical objectification which follow them aren't mere jabs, they're a means through which Andrealphus manipulates her into being — or remaining — dependent on him. In this light, an interesting detail to note is the way in which Stella’s thoughts immediately go to him after Stolas pushes on getting the divorce, coupled with the fact that he does step in to manage its proceedings. They're proof of how ingrained his influence over her is.

Stella constantly gets reminded that her worth is contingent on the prospect that she can be used by others. Her family first and foremost taught her that, and Andrealphus keeps reinforcing this belief to this day. It makes all the more sense, then, for her to be vulnerable to manipulation and paternalism, but capable of verbally standing her ground in an outright conflict.

She doesn't retaliate with a magical display of her own when Andrealphus aggressively tries to confront her — she maybe can't — but neither is she scared of him. One might wonder if the idea of being in danger is just as foreign to her as it used to be for Stolas, rather than naivety or trust that her brother wouldn't genuinely try to hurt her.

The different ways in which Stella and Andrealphus pursue their objectives, as well as what they're respectively after, also speak to their upbringing. Stella's childishness makes her impulsive, hedonistic in the sense that she seeks immediate gratification for her wants: maintaining her social image and destroying everything which threatens it. She's not a strategist, but neither was she ever educated to be one. By contrast, Andrealphus is calculated and power-hungry, but his arrogance blinds him to the way in which his plans aren't nearly as clever as he thinks they are. For example, in S2E4: Western Energy he makes a show of belittling Stella for not caring to capitalize on her divorce from Stolas, but he had nothing to offer her other than vague words about waiting for future options and opportunities. He stalled, as he would have kept stalling if it hadn't been for Stella mentioning Stolas and Blitz's deal in S2E11: Sinsmas. The reason for this is clear: because Stella can be so easily swayed, his objectives take precedence over hers—metaphorically and literally, seeing his relevance to the show's second season finale.

Being nobles, both Stella and Andrealphus are accustomed to power and privilege. Andrealphus is manipulative as a means of maintaining the status quo, and his actions show that he feels entitled to dominate those around him. Stella, likewise, is used to power and control, and her desire for revenge against Stolas is rooted in her need to preserve the stability of her own social image. This shared noble background explains why they both resort to abuse and control to achieve their aims, as they would have learnt to see others as tools from a young age. The difference between them is that Stella finds herself in both roles: a tool to her family since birth, a handler for the first time upon being matched with someone whom she could leverage her power over.

Another thing to note is how their difference in rank doesn't seem to play a part in their personal dynamic. The familiarity between them certainly allows them to be comfortable with each other, but it is interesting that there doesn't seem to be an underlying power play between them in this sense as well— so far, at least.

Chapter 5: Lovely Ladies, Maids of Honor

Title reference: This Hurst by Mindless Self Indulgence.

As previously stated, Stella was raised in a specific environment, one which would have dictated her role, her relationships, and the manner in which she was to navigate private, familial, and marital affairs. She would have been conditioned to expect a number of things too, like a husband who fit a particular mould, interactions that followed strict social codes, and a life that adhered to a multigenerational, ever-repeated script. The quality of these expectations is irrelevant: they were foundational to her sense of self and prospects. I do believe that marrying Stolas, who doesn't align with these expectations and doesn't embody the ideal image of a goetic prince, was profoundly destabilizing for her.

However unappealing the things she was groomed to wait for may have been, or even if she accepted them without question, they still were a certainty, they were something which she was prepared for. It feels accurate that someone like Stella wouldn't react to this sudden freedom with delight, but resentment— and disdain when it comes to Stolas' inability to play the game, so to say. Although there probably also was a perverse kind of relief beneath it all: she wasn't just a victim of her circumstances anymore — whether she ever saw or consciously acknowledged herself as one or not — but also an agent within them, as well as a beneficiary of them.

Stolas is of higher status than Stella, but he's socially weaker than her: he's meek and solitary, seemingly unfit of his role as prince, hardly a man even in her and her friends' eyes. This is what allows her to have leverage over him, because she revels in her role— or so it’s seemed so far, at least. Her actions must be understood as her way of lashing out and establishing control in the only way she knows how: through cruelty, just like when she was a child.

This is a feature of the Goetia family and institutions like it, not a bug: people recreate the same cycles of violence that they experienced in their lives, and they become enforcers of the system if they feel that they benefit from it, regardless of the damage that that same system may have caused them.

Regardless of what leads Stella to be abusive towards Stolas, ideas such as that she should have been “grateful” for having been married off to him, of all people, is a deeply insensitive perspective. It doesn't matter that Stolas is gay and good at heart, it doesn't matter that they could have been allies if she had just been willing to open herself up to him, not if the ultimate goal isn't to point out just how deeply harmful and insidious the Goetia family and its convictions are, because such a view insinuates that the mere absence of violence should be enough to appease someone. It downplays the psychological and emotional toll of lack of agency and coercion, and it doesn't account for how systems of oppression operate.

Chapter 6: All The Way To The Chapel

Title reference: Family Tree by Ethel Cain.

Stolas' fears of being a monster and tormentor to Blitz are a reflection of his lived experience, but I don't believe that he directly equates his situation with Blitz to his marriage with Stella in the way most people think. Someone did have full control over the course of his life, but that person was not Stella: a close look reveals his father; a farther look, the way in which the Goetia family functions as a whole.

Stella and Stolas' marriage is shaped not only by direct, interpersonal abuse, but also by their position within a rigid social network with rules and expectations that affect them both. Stolas' way of coping with these circumstances was by retreating inward, choosing passivity to both bear with his situation and for the sake of Octavia. By contrast, Stella violently externalizes her feelings, which led her to be physically and verbally abusive toward Stolas for not embodying her mental image of how a Goetia should be. Their relationship was one of abuse, but relegating the conversation to just their personal dynamic oversimplifies the broader power structures that are woven in the fabric of Helluva Boss— whether the show recognizes or is willing to acknowledge their presence in more depth or not.

The marriage between them was inherently coercive at the outset, an obligation which stemmed from external societal pressure. Both were expected to fulfil their duties regardless of their wants, and producing an heir was one of these duties.

Arranged marriage is a deprivation of agency, and this very nature makes it so that neither party can ever truly consent to intercourse. This socially and structurally imposed duress, however, does not inherently translate into assault— not in a direct way, as it's often intended.

Stolas and Stella were both under the pressure of having to conform to their roles, and with this context in mind, my impression is that the claim that Stella raped Stolas stems from a desire to victimize him and vilify her beyond the show's actual intention. In a situation which demanded sex for the sake of progeny, a foretold progeny, Stolas' passivity feels like his way of enduring it in a way that allowed him to be as emotionally and physically disengaged from Stella as possible. This makes for a tremendously unhealthy and dysfunctional dynamic, and Stella despises him all the more for it — that's not how a man should act — but rape is an exertion of power and control, as well as an expression of feelings of entitlement to someone else's body, and I object to the belief that Helluva Boss even remotely wants to suggest that something of the sort occurred between them. As I previously mentioned, though, it feels like there's an eagerness to ignore the complexity of Stella and Stolas' circumstances for the purpose of imposing a rigid victim-perpetrator lens to an aspect of their marriage that's entirely out of both their hands, and it partially feels like this is all because some would find it “fitting” that Stella would do such a thing — either by pressuring Stolas or by directly forcing herself on him — since she's altogether emotionally and physically abusive toward him already. It's a stance that somewhat obliquely implies that domestic violence must include sexual assault in order for it to be truly severe, which is an unfortunate consequence of this inclination to aggravate Stella’s cruelty.

I do concur that what she did at their anniversary party was sexual harassment, however I don't believe that her enjoyment of his humiliation in a public context proves in any way that she was similarly foul in private: Stella wields social power over Stolas, she enjoys it, and that was the perfect context for her to elevate her image by undermining his.

Stella's behaviour makes her an aggressor in many ways, but this proclivity to a black or white mentality on a fronts stems from the refusal to acknowledge the complexities which are inherent to their situation. It's troubling for abusive behaviour to be attributed to “someone's nature”, it's troubling for people to deny that abusers do what they do not because they're plainly evil, not because they're shallow, but because they can justify their actions to themselves by following an internal logic that puts them in the right. And it's troubling for people to deny the reality that abusers can be victims too, and that their behaviour does not take away from this fact.

The Goetia family's inner workings ensured that neither Stella nor Stolas had true agency, ever. Stella may be Stolas' direct villain, but the truth remains that once upon a time two children were groomed, and later on two teenagers who'd likely barely stumbled into adulthood had to respond to two families and a king's demands for an heir. Yes, it's awful that a gay boy had to marry and lay with a girl. It's just as awful that said girl had to marry him and have a child with him. It's harrowing, like it's harrowing that the broader systemic forces which made this happen go ignored for the sake of reaching for an interpretation of debatable legitimacy to justify a war on a fictional character in the name of another.

Chapter 7: Nothing In The World Belongs To Me

Title reference: My Love Mine All Mine by Mitski.

This is a limited edition enamel pin from 2021. I apologize for the way it's presented, I wasn't able to find a picture of it in decent quality — shame on me — and thus opted to rely on this edited image. I don't trust merchandise to be a consistently reliable tool for the purpose of character analysis, but I find that this one illustrates part of what I want to argue rather well.

Stella’s hold on Octavia is not that of a loving mother, as she's remarkably presenting her as an object of significance rather than cradling her like a child. There's an angle of pride to such a gesture: Stella's purpose and worth in the family was contingent on her ability to produce an heir, and Octavia’s existence is evidence that she fulfilled her role. Octavia isn't just Stella’s daughter, she's the symbol of her status, and at this point she may even be of greater importance to her than Stolas was. Her husband was disgraceful, an embarrassment who maybe was starting to drag her down as well rather than making her look good by comparison. For how humiliating it was to affront the rest of the family in such a way, divorcing Stolas was possible because Octavia remains— her accomplishment remains. Her daughter is her badge of honour, but also something akin to a shield, an angle which the pin illustrates rather well: holding something in front of oneself is a defensive gesture, and Stella’s face being concealed supports the idea that she wants people to see her for her asset rather than simply see her person. There is also an element of control to such a posture — Via does rather look like a doll in her arms — however, considering the show's direction thus far, I'd hazard the guess that Stella believes to have a claim over her daughter as an object, but not as an individual.

The doubt remains, though: does Stella in any capacity love Octavia, or is her daughter simply a signifier that she's accomplished her role? I don't believe that the current state of her character allows for a certain claim to be made in either direction… However, while I can rationalize why they exist, I do think that there's a fundamental flaw to binary questions of this kind, for their underlying premise is that emotions and feelings have a qualitative component to them, and that love is an inherently positive force. The emotion or feeling of love itself is neither good nor bad, and the way it manifests hinges on spatial and temporal context. Parenthood has always had a component of legacy, ownership, and control to it, and this would be even more accentuated in an aristocratic context: it's the groundwork upon which the institution of the family is built— a fundamental power imbalance. It's the reason abuse is such a common phenomenon in settings of this kind.

Helluva Boss is ultimately a sentimental and sappy show, and while it may never take into account or care to dive in such uncomfortable realities, from an external point of view, I don't think it's incorrect or improper to say that Stella loves what Octavia's presence says about her, and that that in itself can translate into a form of affection towards her person as well, however twisted it may be, as well as self-serving in nature. It's not what anyone would consider a good kind of love, especially from the perspective of a child, but it's better than indifference or revulsion, I suppose, and I'm positive that Stella doesn't feel either of those things for Octavia.

Chapter 8: From Row Point Of View

Title reference: My Heart Still Beats by Maria Mena.

Stella hasn't ever been shown to be caring towards Octavia — there was no time or space for it even if she were capable of such a feat — yet she has never been hostile towards her either, neither directly nor by implication. It hasn't escaped me that the only family portraits in which Stella is smiling are the ones where Octavia isn't a small owlette anymore, and it makes me wonder if she maybe has some aversion towards young children.

While it wouldn't excuse her neglect, which may also be attributed to her noble status and the presumption that childcare is a servant's job, it wouldn't surprise me if she did. Clearly she was little present throughout her childhood — as suggested by her exclusion from Via’s drawings or by the fact that she wouldn't offer her comfort when she asked — but the fact that she brought her along when leaving the house before the divorce and was upset at the thought of Stolas "turning Octavia against her" indicate that she has at least a practical interest in cultivating a tepid relationship with her daughter now that she's older, if an emotionally stunted one. Considering that despite everything Octavia gets upset with Stolas on her behalf as well and is willing to — albeit hesitantly — lean on her for support, she must have done a good enough job at making her daughter... if nothing else, not despise her.

This is why Stella has the potential to start having a bigger influence on Octavia now. Stolas' affair with Blitz found him unable to juggle its consequences, his inner struggles, the changes to his life, his wants, his responsibilities as a father, and so on. Octavia felt a growing sense of alienation from him for a long time before reaching a breaking point, but for however openly violent towards him Stella became, she remained the same towards her: Stella doesn't have an emotional bond with her, but she's never made her feel abandoned either. It's important to also keep in mind that, as far as Octavia knows, Stella is resentful and retaliating against Stolas for having been cheated on, rather than escalating a pre-existing abusive dynamic beyond closed doors. The negative rebound that Stella’s actions have on her is still blatant, but as an emotional complexity it's different to process and grapple with than being privy to long-term domestic violence.

Even though in S2E1: The Circus Stella was ultimately dismissive of Octavia, her words at the anniversary party — "I'm glad one egg fell out of me, [...]" — were a means to not-so-indirectly degrade Stolas, not a deliberate, malicious attempt to objectify or disregard her daughter. Something similar to this happens in S2E12: Sinsmas: "He thinks he's going to talk to his daughter" isn't a freudian slip which betrays a rejection of Octavia on her part, it's a centering of the fact that she's depriving Stolas of the chance to restore his emotional connection with her— and that she's enjoying doing it. Another interesting detail is that in S2E4: Western Energy she wasn't remotely concerned by the thought of Octavia fully inheriting her father's wealth, whereas Andrealphus very pointedly was, and her willingness to follow his follow his plans is based on her eagerness to further damage Stolas, not to prevent Octavia from coming into her birthright.

Ultimately, a conviction that I'm very firm in is that Stella would never purposefully harm Octavia. She'll use her to hurt Stolas, she'll not think twice about letting her get caught up in schemes and manipulations if these benefit her, she'll be inconsiderate of her feelings, but she would never do or allow something to happen to her. Not out of love, but out of self-interest: Octavia is the value by which she is appraised, and she would never stand for her position to be compromised in such a way.

This most prominent aspect of Stella’s character — her concerns with image and status — is particularly interesting, because it creates a curious, seeming contraction when it comes to Octavia.

When talking about parenthood within the Goetia family, one can't not use Paimon as a reference. He exists within the same system of aristocratic expectations and posturing as Stella, but his absence and neglect are much more pronounced than hers. Furthermore, Paimon is an archetypal pater familias: his authority over Stolas was absolute, a signifier that family honour takes precedence over all, and that individual agency is subordinate to the will of its head. As such, Paimon was greatly concerned with Stolas' behaviour and presentation, because they would have reflected on him.

What's interesting about this is that Stella was greatly concerned with Stolas' behaviour and presentation for the same reason as well, yet Octavia seems to have been granted a surprising amount of personal freedom— certainly more than her or Stolas were ever allowed at her age. Much of this is to be attributed to Stolas' involvement in her upbringing, but the reveal remains unchanged: Stella never interfered or tried to influence her daughter's self-expression. That's an interesting choice to make in a context where your child is a projection of your image. Is she maybe willing to let Octavia have her own individuality (like I obliquely alleged in the previous chapter), or is this going to change now that Octavia isn't just Stolas' "precautionary" heir? Each path has much potential to it, and this is pure speculation on my part, but either one could serve as a point of contrast between Stella and Andrealphus in the long run, should the show choose to dwell on the differences between them.

While Stella sees in Octavia the proof of her worth, Andrealphus sees her as a tool in his ascension to power… He used to, at least, before he made her hostile to him in his eagerness to hurt Stolas. There's also the matter of Octavia’s inheritance: her coming of age cannot be that far off, and even if he somehow managed to subjugate her, Andrealphus is not the kind of man who'd be satisfied with leading from the shadows, while Stella has no such aspirations.

Stella and Andrealphus share many priorities, but this difference in perspective and relation to Octavia could drive a wedge between them as their respective goals evolve, and it would be compelling to see two otherwise aligned characters diverge in their villainy.

#in her 5k and some glory #helluva boss #stella of the ars goetia #stolas of the ars goetia #octavia of the ars goetia #andrealphus of the ars goetia #paimon of the ars goetia #never kill yourself. thousand of words on a character with <10 minutes of screentime #series #mytext

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