#but the chair absolutely has adhd i am 1000% certain

[daddy-socrates]

i am really really pleased that my meeting w my independent study professor went so well yesterday. im still kind of astonished that she seemed pleased with my work?? i thought it was stinky doo-doo quality work because i did it in like 48 hours and i only read like 1/3 of what i wanted to in the 3 weeks since we last met. im so so so glad she liked what i had.

i made a passing joke about my adhd* and she said “just because you think all over the place doesn’t mean you have adhd, it is often misdiagnosed! :) keep talking!”

*(my independent study is on metaphysics and ive tasked myself with reading all but like 5 chapters of merleau-ponty’s phenomenology of perception, and the third chapter of the introduction is called “attention and judgement,” which was ironically the one i was having the absolute hardest time paying attention to, because... just because. haha, adhd irony)

i am 150% certain that she had zero ill intent; i expect that she was doing that in the way that well-meaning thin people say “you’re not fat - you’re fluffy :)” which, cute, sure, but “fat” and “adhd” aren’t concepts that should be treated as like.... ?? “don’t be down on yourself, you’re still cute/smart! :)” ???? theres a word for this phenomenon but i can’t think of it atm but yanno what i mean???? it’s like ,, yes, i am fat, and i am cute, and yes, i am adhd, and i am smart. like this attitude of trying to soften the harsh connotation of the words before considering that they are not (and should not be treated as) inherently bad things in themselves???? fucking shrug emoji i hope youre getting what i mean here lol

it was just one of those very “pick your battles” moments* where instead of going “actually, i have been taking medication for it for years, which - when not in my possession - has a markedly noticeable effect on my performance not just academically but also in things like taking care of my body and not unthinkingly wandering into dangerous situations etc etc” i just. “okay, anyway, [something something metaphysics something]”

*(i only had 45 minutes and wound up talking myself into understanding that difficult chapter as i explained to her all my connections with the other chapters and reframing my questions a few times. i didnt have time to talk about everything i did, either! i did end up doing so much work and i am in fact pretty proud of myself now! it’s just that the adhd comment will need to be revisited at a later moment when there is time to actually talk about it)

the mind boggles