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lovphobic · 2 years ago

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10 13 20 26 38 and 49 for all of them, or if not, whoever you want to yell about most (^:<

SO MANY!! (explodes)

10. What kind of jokes make them laugh?

sildraste: in my head i imagine her as a very stoic person. closed off and reserved. no vulnerability. but thats not... necessarily true? she'd probably like.. jokes that dont really make a great deal of sense, or jokes we think are absurd. think feeding the donkey a fig and washing it down with wine :') - thalya: she is VERY pure of heart. and very childish. almost every good natured joke will make her laugh. knock knock. whos there. owls. owls who. yes they do. (loud, from the heart laughter. knee slapping) - morant: it is SO hard to make her laugh. it has to be a GENUINELY funny, original joke. she takes herself too seriously sometimes - valdys: she'll laugh at someone tripping on the sidewalk (not out of meanness) and also "deez nuts". she's like.. the other side of thalya in a way. except shes more immature than childish LMAO

13: Describe your character's typical wardrobe for the regular day

OK so i am NOT great at describing clothes myself, so this is going to be very image heavy

sildraste: i have been workshopping her outfit for two years now.. and i still dont really know. im kind of tinkering w the idea of her being more feminine presenting? not sure how i feel about it just yet bc, as i said, i cant facking think of outfit ideas. anyways, that being said: outside of the Usual Dnd Chaos And Battle, like.. After her story is said and done. i guess i could see her in something like this for sure. DURING her story.. i hope u do not mind me not using my entire brain for this one question and instead using an existing picture... but something like this maybe! - thalya: pre sildraste it was something like this for sure, just replace the skirt for whatever the dnd equivalent of jeans would be LMAO. but post sildraste i can imagine it as something like this. i can definitely see her reverting to pre after everything is said and done though :^) - morant: you know, for a character that is pretty much my self insert.. my mary sue... she does not dress like me at all! shes very dark colors, slacks and long jackets/cloaks. think this and this. i hate to say it but shes definitely d*rk ac*dem*a. - valdys: MODERN 70s!!!!!! COLORS. BELL BOTTOMS. FLARE SLEEVES. LIKE THIS!!!! she is the only one i know FOR SURE. shes definitely modern, like what we'd wear today. but w the SPICE and FUN of the 70s

20: Does your character have a comfort item?

sildraste: oh you KNOW its thalya's necklace. as destructive as it is (which she doesnt. like. Know.) its definitely her comfort item - thalya: i think either she doesnt have one, or she is a bit too new for me to have figured an answer out! so, right now, she does not! - morant: dagger :) i havent figured out the importance yet, but its there - valdys: in direct mirrorage of morant.. there is ZERO importance at all to her item. she just thinks its neat and it brings her happiness. her chicken plushie. i imagine it looking something like this. this answer may change in the future but it is what it is for now!

26: Are they an animal person? Do they have pets?

sildraste and morant i wouldnt say are animal people. they Like animals, but i cant see them owning one. i could only see them owning a pet if its co-owned with their respective partner

thalya is DEFINITELY an animal person. she may have been a jeweler's apprentice but she also spent a fair bit of time with the farm animals of the town, helping out and being a general ray of sunshine always. no pets though, currently - valdys would have a cat 100%. one of those stupidly fluffy white ones that shed like a motherfucker. this cat. specifically.

38: How does your character unwind after a long day?

sildraste: ngl she probably gets wasted. it is what it is. always been like that. get her some therapy - thalya: quite the opposite. probably takes a nice bath. rose petals if the day was especially long/hard. - morant: she doesnt. she just goes to bed - valdys: most of her "long" days come from her mothers bullshit. she makes little imaginary vlogs for her imaginary audience alone in her room which 100% consist of what would be called trauma dumping. JGHDKJGHDK

49: What is your character's biggest fear? Most irrational?

sildraste: funny that. its losing thalya. LOL. shes a very rational person for the most part though. despite everything - thalya: she definitely has fears.. but how do you in sound mind have fears when you were this close to being dead. in comparison that makes whatever fear(s) she has seem so infinitesimal. her most irrational though is probably just.. being hated. nobody hates her. shes not a hateable person. which in itself is... something to think about. how can a person have Nothing to dislike. what are you hiding. what are you compensating for. - morant: dying <3 but i think valdys is her irrational fear FKJSDHFJKSAHFUIASHJFKSDH. morant "HATES" her and thinks valdys also hates her. but valdys is stupid pining. morant though. thinks she is plotting to murder her in her sleep. there is miscommunication here unfortunately. she is stupid - valdys: shes pretty fearless i wont lie. but the answer would probably be being misunderstood. she doesnt always come off on the right foot. but shes earnest. her irrational fear though..

ok i cant think of anything. so sorry. but i got to the end and this is the only one i said "hard give up" on. so please applaud me

#this took me almost 2 hours. what being a non-creative will do to a mf #snail mail

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thespiantherepist · 4 years ago

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Android Iida x reader

You knew your dad loved you. He only wanted the best for you, and to him it was never enough. He always kept you financially supported, even though you didn't ask.

Your father ran a robotics company, the leading one on your country. His company was never second best; however he never let fame get to his head. He always had your best intrests in mind.

You weren't famous, and you never wanted to be. Running your cute, little library café was enough for you. It was always so peaceful. So blissfully soft, and warm. It was in just the right spot. People would flow in. People would flow out.

Like clockwork.

Your co-workers, and employees were your friends. They always listened, they showed up on time. You have always loved your life. You never were able to comprehend sadness. How could you?

You were always content. Nothing could go wrong right?

He died peacefully. Nothing painful, the doctors were baffled. No signs of struggle, or strain were present. They couldn't find any reason for his death.

This was the first time you'd experienced true sadness, and it hit you like a freight train.

You felt like you were being flung around. Through the wind she blew, and then she would land back down again. That, was the only way you could describe the feeling. Next to emptiness. Somehow, you couldn't bring yourself to cry. He would've turned in his grave knowing you were crying.

You missed his hugs, and crappy dad jokes. You missed the random cup of coffee sitting on your counter when you got home, all because he had a spare key. You missed him as a whole.

You decided to take a break from work, it was all to much right now. Thinking about your father now had just gotten you used to reminising. You sat in your window seat, looking down your driveway, that was encaved by trees. Staring at the rain, as it dripped down your window you felt peace. For the first time in about a week you were able to sleep.

When you woke the storm outside was raging, it was nighttime. The bolts of lightning that cascaded down lit up the voided night, like a second day. The rain that had started as a slow peacefull kind was now destructive. Threatening to destroy the Midnight roses your father planted for you.

After a particularly large flash had light seeping in your window you saw a silhouette.

Large, and Rectangular.

A box!

You hadn't ordered anything so this was unusual. Walking over to your door, and trying to navigate through the dark using only your hands proved difficult. It set you on edge, but you were always brave. You were brave for him.

Reaching for the doorknob, you gently unlocked it. The box on the porch dwarfed you in size. Your heart stopped, maybe this wasn't a good idea. Alarms blasted in your head,

● HEY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?DO YOU NOT REMEBER THE GREEKS? WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE GODDAMN WOODEN HOR- and she's bringing it inside... g.r.e.a.t.●

This was madness.

This is bizzare, I dont like it. I cant send it back, but...

You were faced with an issue, an android stood in front of you. Face stern, cold, (handsome). Eyes deadset, staring off. The muscles he had could possibly crush a watermelon. Suffice it to say, you would've thought it was a corpse; had it not been for the glasses that went into metal slots by his ears, and the engines on his legs.

Engines?

"Who knew dad made ones that looked so real.."

Awe filled your voice. It was a beautiful model.

The droid had a metal bracelet, with the name, 'Iida' engraved on it.

"Iida?"

"YES MASTER!"

"HOLY FUCK NUGGETS!" You were shooketh, 'THIS BITCH IS VOICE ACTIVATED?' That's wack.

"I APOLOGISE FOR FRIGHTENING YOU MASTER, YOU SEE YOUR FATHER MADE ME TO PROTECT YOU. I AM TENYA. I HAVE COME TO SERVE YOU IN PLACE OF YOUR FATHER."

Oh dear god, mans was loud. He also sounded like your favourite voice actor, but that was beside the point. You needed to find a volume button now.

○Two hours later○

"What do you mean you want to,... send me back?"

"Look Tenya," You said with a sigh, "Ive been having a hard time as of late an-"

"Yes master, however if I may interject for a moment? I was made for you specifically. I am not the company's." He explained it as if he was explaining it to a child.

"Okay... Ill consider it."

"What is, it? Master." He raised a brow, soft hydraulics were heard from inside him.

"I'll let you stay if you promise to help with chores, and whatn-"

"YES MASTER!"

Living with Tenya wasn't easy.

"Iida take a break."

"Iida, I dont need more food. Please stop feeding me."

"IIDA FOR GODS SAKE STOP CLEANING, IT SMELLS LIKE A THERAPISTS OFFICE IN HERE!"

And every time he'd respond with a blunt,

"No mamm, I'm afraid I cant do that."

"No mamm, it is my duty. Please eat now.

"MAMM I CANNOT STOP CLEANING, IVE TOLD YOU! PLEASE RELAX!"

It was, tense.

Iida, was difficult. However he was also resourceful. Wanted to know the weather? Todays, tomorrows, and next years baby. Need someone to theorise with? Iidas your man, resourses, and fact checks.

Want someone to cuddle with?

Yeah no, he refuses to do that.

"You're too precious, Im afraid Im not allowed!"

"Iida, I need affection."

"I'll call Shinsou."

You sigh.

"Cool, he's better than you anyway." You say pouting.

What. was. that?

Was Iida hearing correctly? Shinsou? Better than him? That cant be true. You were wrong, end of story, he'd prove it to you.

"Im sorry mamm, he didn't answer his phone."

"Did you even call him?"

He said nothing. Then.

"Master, come here."

"No." Really, then? Thats how you were going to be. Iida took off his shirt, revealing, very yummy.

TONED.

Abs.

"I'll sit next to you then." His programms scanned, finding the best cuddle positions. He threw his right arm over the couch. Pulling you into him along the way. Puffing out his chest, he allowed your head to lye there.

'OOH!' Iida thought suddenly. 'That actually feels nice. What? No Iida, Bad Iida! You cant think that way about heeeeeerrrr...'

He stopped. His mind jumbling.

You were asleep. A purring sound lightly emmiting from your body. A small sleepy smile on your face.

Iidas lit up like a bonfire. He smiled dopily, a clinking, of gears, and a soft thrum in his chest resonated.

'Relaxing.cuddiling. I could get used to this!'

#Android #Android Iida #Master reader #robot servent #Robot servant wont leave your house? Cool! Makd him your boyfriend.#Iida needs stress pills.#iida x reader #Iida x reader fluff #fluff #rushed #fanfiction #mha #bnha #bnha x reader

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alienoriana · 5 years ago

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Why Lonely Road is about John

1st Disclaimer: Approaching a Paul song is trickier than a John song IMO. Mainly because Paul seems to enjoy and embrace more the weirdness, the serendipity, the subconscious that can break in and subvert the creative process. John himself described Paul’s lyrics as surreal (maybe in oposition to his own lyrics, which are “real” real. For more insights about it, read this great post from @thecoleopterawithana). This is important because Paul usually prefer to highlight that aspect when he’s talking about one of his songs. That tendency may create the impression that he is more detached from his lyrics, when in fact he is trying to focus on that dimension that he considers to be an indispensable part of his identity as a songwriter. Sometimes its a dream, sometimes its a catchy line, sometimes its a mistake that works, sometimes its a minor event or a random person (or animal), or all these elements together. And thats what Paul will tell us later when ask about the song: that little thing that made the tune go and grow.

But when one tries to understand a song (emotional) motives, this tendency gets in the way -and probably that’s how Paul prefers it: just keep guessing, and more importantly, keep listening to the songs-.

2nd Disclaimer: As much as I believe that John and Paul were (are) soulmates, Im aware of the equal (and different) intensity of the bond they had with their spouses. The fact that I focus on J/P relationship, doesn't mean that I like to place their relationship over the others, as more important than the others. In this case (this song) in particular, I say this in relation to Paul and Linda's relationship. Even if I try to show why I think John's presence is strong in a song, it does not mean that I deny the possibility that Paul actually is alluding to Linda, or even both, sequentially or at the same time. Because the heart is that messy and complex, and big.

I feel that I tried to cover myself too much before I even started, but both issues are usually present almost always in my reflections about his (their) songs (my favorite McLennon topic), and I think this post is a good opportunity to express it.

And now, to the song... [finally, right?]

Lonely Road was included as opening track in the album “Driving Rain”, published in november 2001. The main themes of the album are influenced by the mixed feelings of grief over the recent death of his longtime partner, and of excitement over a new relationship. There’s longing and thankfulness, but also the wish to let go to be able to go on.

Some of the songs were written during a holiday in India, in early 2001, where Paul had not returned since the events of 1968 (!). I think this little fact is esential to read this song. We can ask ourselves: Could Paul have remained indifferent to that place so associated with John and The Beatles, and to the memories it could have awakened?

The lyrics...

I tried to get over you I tried to find something new But all I could ever do Was fill, my time With thoughts, of you

I tried to go somewhere old To search for my pot of gold But all I could ever hold Inside, my mind Were thoughts, of you

I hear your music And it's driving me wild Familiar rhythms In a different style I hear your music And it's driving me wild again

Don't want to let you take me down Don't want to get hurt second time around Don't want to walk that lonely road again

I hear your music And it's driving me wild Familiar rhythms In a different style I hear your music And it's driving me wild again

Don't want to let you take me down Don't want to get hurt second time around Don't want to walk that lonely road again

The analysis of the one who does not want to be analyzed...

When asked about this particular song, Paul was as usual nonchalant about its meaning.

In 2001, he was saying this:

‘Lonely Road’ was also written in Goa, where I was enjoying the beach and the sea and generally chilling out in the new century. Again, I had a few moments in the afternoon, which is always a good time for me, a quiet spell when it’s always cool for me to go off and fondle my guitar. The songs basically wrote itself in about an hour. It is what it is, this song, you can make of it what you want to make of it. To me it’s not particularly about anything other than not wanting to be brought down. It’s a sort of anti-being brought down song, which is for anyone and everyone. It’s ‘don’t want to get brought down again, don’t want to walk that lonely road’, it’s symbolic for anyone who’s been through any sort of problems. It’s a defiant song against loneliness, written in a hotel room in Goa. - Driving Rain Interview, 2001.

“It’s a defiant song against loneliness”, thats a fantastic little definition, which goes well with not only this song but many of Paul’s tunes.

In another quote, published much later, Paul speaks a little about the simple motivation for a certain rhyme:

‘Lonely Road’ was written in India, and that’s a bit… I don’t really know what I’m doing, just blues longing. I say I tried to go somewhere ‘old’, that’s India. ‘To search for my pot of gold’, well I wasn’t, I was on holiday. So it’s half imagination, half reality. If I’m looking for a rhyme for old, and pot of gold comes into my mind, then I don’t resist. ‘I try to go somewhere old cos I no longer need a pot of gold?’ Fuck that. Let’s go somewhere old to search for a pot of gold seems more like a song. - "Conversations With McCartney", by Paul Du Noyer, 2015.

In both quotes, its like he’s saying: “It’s nothing, it’s just this song I made up on a holiday, I didnt want to get brought down, ‘old’ just goes well with ‘gold’, the usual things in a songwriter life. Don’t pay that much attention to it, don’t think too much about it, I certainly didn’t”.

Interestingly, he makes reference in the 2001 interview to another song of the same album, and he once again tries to make it clear that the sources of inspiration were deeply rooted in free asociation.

‘About You’ was written in India, in Goa. We had such a relaxing start to an Indian holiday which was at the beginning of 2001. It was exciting, I hadn’t been back to India since the Mararishi days, which was 25 years or so ago. It was great to look around a bit more; I’d only seen Rishikesh, north of Delhi, before. We started off in Goa, relaxed beach time, and one afternoon I wrote ‘About You’ on a little travel guitar I’ve got which has it’s own amp in it. I picked some words out for the song after seeing a copy of The India Times which was lying around. - Driving Rain Interview, 2001.

“I read the news today, oh boy" kind of feeling... Hmmm... (I wonder what that newspaper was about)

IMO, every time Paul strives to asociate a certain song to something inexplicable, casual and without intermediation, he actually suggests that the motivation is very intimate and subconscious. At the same time, he refuses to analyse it. He wont talk about it, because he cant answer for himself at that moment, that place and time. And he probably believes that if he tries to grasp its meaning and set it in stone, sort to speak, he would kill the song. In this case, I think he tries to say there is no clear intention, but its also a strong feeling he can’t help to express.

And when he alludes to the specific lyrics, he carefully avoids the “middle eight” of the song: “I hear your music and it's driving me wild / Familiar rhythms in a different style / I hear your music and it's driving me wild again”.

“I hear your music"... Whose music?

Ok, Paul, you chose “gold” to rhyme with “old” (and I will not try to relate the “pot of gold” line with the famous twin dreams that John and Paul had after meeting for the first time). Fine.

But who is the person he is talking to throughout the song? Whose memory is the one “taking him down” there in India, in a supposedly happy holiday?

Yes, it can be Linda, but if so, wouldn't Paul say "our music"?. Im inclined to believe that this music he’s hearing (and its driving him “wild”... wild as “young and rebellious”? wild as “angry and mad”?) belongs or relates to someone different.

He sings: “Don't want to let you take me down / Don't want to get hurt second time around / Don't want to walk that lonely road again”.

Oh, this part I love. The reference to “second time” and “again” speak of a first time he was brought down and hurt, of a first time he walked “that lonely road”. Can this have to do only with his recent mourning, to which he’s saying in a way he’s done suffering? Or has to do with another, more distant, first departure, first great hurt? And even more, does this “first time” have something to do with India? (I remember now that Paul has another beautiful song that belongs to this period, maybe a little later, thats simply called “India”).

Why John, then?

The song transpires clearly a youthful rebellious spirit (”Fuck that”), expressing the need to shake off melancholy and nostalgia. And I think that in this way he suggests that he is more guarded in front of a process he already is familiar with. HE’S BEEN THERE. Because he has already gone through that lonely road, and it took him a long time to recover. This time, he feels the urge to recover faster (we'll know later that maybe it was too fast).

I dont know if the first mourning refers to his break-up with John or to John’s passing. Perhaps the proximity to India reinforces the first possibility.

Another thing to take into account is the fact that in the album Paul includes a song directly and explicitly related to Linda, Magic. On the contrary, in the case of Lonely Road, Paul decides to leave it orphan: it´s about noone, and nothing.

Lonely Road comes straight from the subconscious. It has a close, immediate trigger: probably another song that he hears and it makes him wild, and it brings him down, and it reminds him of another time when he was left alone.

And I think that song is a John’s song.

P.S.: Oh, not really related, but you definitely should watch the Lonely Road video.

#i formally submit this to the mclennon symposium #lonely road #i wanted to write about this song for a long time #paul mccartney #mclennon #john lennon #x

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steveharrington · 5 years ago

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smash or pass the entire cast of brba/bcs

i hope u know i am doing as close to entire as i can get\

walter white: hardest pass ive ever taken

jesse pinkman: SMASHHHHH BABY 100% SMASH OF COURSE!

skyler white: here’s the thing skyler is absolutely beautiful but i’d be scared of ending up like ted, so, for that reason, pass :/

walter jr: s4 walter jr where he’s like mature and hot? smash! any time before that no he’s too baby

marie schrader: smash!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god her vibes are amazing

hank schrader: another very hard pass

mike ehrmantraut: thats uh my dad so pass obviously

skinny pete: pass but i would like let him take me to dinner

combo: seemed like a sweetheart but had one of those piercings on his chin so pass

badger: maybe this is controversial but? smash!

tuco: are you kidding that would be so scary. pass.

krazy-8: dude was fine as hell smash for sure

bogdan: pass he’s mean to his employees. thats not like the only reason but it’s the most prominent

steve gomez: sorry pass he’s a cop

jane margolis: extreme smash are you fucking kidding me the scene where she’s standing over jesse oh my fucking god oh my god

donald margolis: for reasons stated above, pass. i cannot in good faith smash a daughter And her father

gus fring: he’s gay! so pass because he wouldn’t want that

saul goodman: been thinking about this one for a good 45 seconds ....... the obvious answer is pass but idk something about it doesn’t feel right ....... how about this pass on saul but smash on jimmy

gale boetticher: is that how you spell his last name? anyways smash he would treat me right!

huell and kuby: pass because they’re one entity and im uncomfortable with that

ted beneke: ive said before he looks like a republican candidate who drops first from the race and so obviously pass

ted beneke’s secretary: also pass

jesse’s therapy group leader: um. pass...because it didn’t end well for his wife :/

victor: smash! he was hot! and he didnt deserve what happened to him bro that was some bullshit he remembered the aluminum!

lydia rodarte-quayle: SMASHHHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD MISS RODARTE-QUAYLE PLEASE

todd alquist & co: i was lying earlier THIS is by far the hardest pass i’ll ever take

andrea cantillo: SMASH she’s so beautiful and angelic and perfect and sweet and caring and perfect and beautiful and perfect

danny trejo: pass. so no head????????

wendy: pass because she’s had enough of this in her life

carmen: beautiful and rejected + fired walter so smash!

elliot: pass. however,

gretchen: smash!

kim wexler: i would give my life for a chance to smash if im being honest here

chuck mcgill: another contender for hardest pass of all time but todd keeps that spot for now

howard hamlin: ok like heres the thing..........he kinda cute yknow..........and like.......he’s a lawyer like idk.......maybe i’d smash........maybe

francesca: remember when she said jesse pinkman’s out here smoking pot? that was so funny. smash.

nacho varga: oh my GODDDDDDDDDD SMASH

that girl with the beret who does jimmy’s make-up for his ads: smash because every scene she’s in im just drawn to her energy

lady that works at los pollos hermanos: pass bc i feel like she’s the kind of shift manager who snitches to gus if you’re like two minutes late

max: if he was bi? smash! he’s so hot. i see and understand why gus is evil

junkyard manager: good guy a bit too old for me so pass but tbh he would also treat me right

skateboard dudes whose legs were broken because of jimmy: smash! im morosexual

and finally,

the girl at the gas station who was convinced by jesse’s baby blue eyes to let him pay for cigarettes with meth and then cried when hank interrogated her because she didn’t want to get in trouble with her dad but still had time whilst crying to describe jesse’s baby blue eyes: smash

#thank u taylor #i hope i didnt forget anyone major #breaking bad #bcs #breakingbadlesbian #answered

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thoughts-and-pans · 5 years ago

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Speechless

This concept was requested by the lovely @meherunissa. I changed it up just a little bit. I hope you like it.This is my second attempt at writing a headcanon, and im happy with how this turned out. Also, idk if you guys have noticed a theme here, but i have made the reader be a teacher/musician in some of my fics (okay maybe only one, i cant remember). This is because i want to be a music teacher one day, so its an occupation that ive looked into and know a bit about. If you guys would prefer that i dont specify the readers occupation, pls let me know. And if you make a request feel free to specify what career you want the reader to have, unless you dont mind me making them a teacher/musician. Thats kinda gonna be my default i guess. Feedback is always appreciated! ~Jai

So, as a talented singer, songwriter and composer, you were tasked with the job of creating a song for princess Jasmine to sing in the new live-action Aladdin

It was supposed to be an inspirational song about using your voice and standing up for yourself. An anthem, if you will. So you got to work right away, putting together a beautiful song called Speechless

Throughout the writing process you got to work with some of the other musicians on set and Naomi herself

But for the instrumental part you had full leadership and independence

So you put together a beautiful arrangement for the symphony orchestra to play

You were so proud of your work

And when the day to record the song came, you were a mix of excitement and nerves

What really didnt help the case was that Naomi's co-star Mena was also here to watch her

She had been raving on and on about you to the cast, and Mena just had to come meet you

Mena was handsome, no doubt about that. And he was definatley as charming and charismatic in real life as he was in interveiws

So needless to say you crushing, just a bit

But you didnt let that distract you

When it was time to record you were up at the front directing the orchestra

Naomi was in the middle with the mic and Mena was chilling in the recording booth

The whole time he was watching you, he was intrigued by how focused you were, and how you seemed to take control over the whole band

Ever since Naomi started talking about you he was so eager to meet you

She described you as someone who was kind, compassionate, talented and hard working

And he could easily tell that all of those things were true

The way you interacted with the musicians and crew members, and how proud you looked when Naomi sang the song made him fall for you

Hard

When Naomi was done singing she came back to the recording booth

Mena thought that they were done but he was wrong

Because after a quick five minute break, you stepped up to the mic in the middle of the room, adjusting the height

He asked Namoi what was happening and she told him that you were gonna sing the song for the end credits

The moment you started singing is the moment Mena realised that he loved you

You could say that he had gone... speechless ;););)

He had only met you that day, but nothing could convince him otherwise

He loved you

And he couldn't wait to ask you out

After everything was done he came up to you

He praised your work and how amazing your singing was. He was a nervous mess on the inside but he tried his hardest to keep his cool

The same could be said about you when he asked you if you'd be interested in going on a date with him

You said yes

Obviously

What a perfect ending to an amazing day!

#mena massoud #mena massoud imagines #mena massoud x reader #mena massoud headcanons

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euphoriecs · 5 years ago

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11/11/11 tag !!!

thank u sm for tagging me @yikescomma, @buckaroowrites nd @yikeskimi !!!

rules: answer 11 questions, write your own 11, tag 11 people !

under the cut bc its a Lotta questions KSKSKSHK

yikescomma’s questions!!

1. what’s your favourite place to write?

oh this is ?? kind of a tough one bc i feel like i never Branched out in my spaces when it comes 2 being productive,, like a lot of my work is done in my bedroom just bc my desk is there and it’s the most convenient,,,, honestly im jus gonna say my favorite place to write would be from . my desk . bc it faces the window :-)

2. which character(s) from your wip(s) is your favourite?

since i only have wtsf confidently worked out ,, i’ll use those ocs !! but i think , quite Honestlie ,,, that wendy is my favorite character !! im rly in love with how she progresses as a person nd also she’s jsut . she gets it u know .

3. what are some inspirations for your wip(s)?

I TALKED ABT THIS BEFORE but b/ts’ hyyh series, my neighborhood, spring day by b/ts are a few inspirations for wtsf !!!

4. how did you start writing?

my dad got me hooked on reading when i was really really young !! and being able to read abt all these huge worlds nd being given an opportunity 2 fall in love w them rly inspired me to want to write worlds of my own . plus , i watch a lot of different shows nd animes that feed into my daydreams nd sometimes im like ‘yo,,, that was a good daydream,,,,, time 2 story it’ .

5. which of your ocs is most difficult to write?

uHGHHGHGS ARTHUR ...... trying to capture this like . enigmatic feeling while keeping close 2 his reasons for acting That way is actually ,, rly hard?? hes a tough cookie 2 crack but i will crack it .

6. what aesthetic do you associate with your wip(s)?

for wtsf ,,, quiet towns , lonely beaches , sunset nd sunrise ,,, running through the streets ??

7. do you like planning?

YEA !! i see it more as like . being able to explore ur wip and what directions it can take nd its also jsut rly helpful to have a solid foundation .

8. what is your favourite quote from your wip(s)?

i pulled this from my drabbles but: “Slow down.” Wendy grabbed Arthur’s wrist, pulling him down to sit on the sand. “This world can’t keep up with you.”

9. do you like to listen to music while you write?

yes and no ?? im very particular to the kind of music im listening to nd more often than not, i write in complete silence ,,, but sometimes i’ll find a song that i feel rly fits the vibe of what im writing nd i just put it on repeat HGSHJK

10. what do you like most about your own writing?

i think i like the descriptive aspects of it ?? like how i describe places nd feelings ,,,, :-) !

11. what are/were/would be your ocs favourite subjects in school?

everyone except piper in wtsf is graduated from high school but ,, wendy liked english class the best bc it was fun nd she got good grades !! rafael definitely loved psychology nd took it at an ap level ,, arthur liked math nd chemistry .. chemistry he liked More bc he got 2 blow stuff up SKKSKSEH and piper likes world history!! tho shes not good at it . but she likes it!!

buckaroowrites’ questions!!

what is your favorite subgenre to write? to read?

i lov urban fantasy and low fantasy JGHDSHGJKS like its my favorite to write nd read bc like .. o heck ?? ghosts nd ghouls nd just overall supernatural stuff irl ?? that’s the way 2 go

if you had to be trapped on a desert island with any of your ocs, who would it be and why?

if i had 2 be trapped on a desert island ...... i’d probably choose rafael . honestlie he just seems like he always knows what’s up nd my chances of survival would increase w him JHGJKSJKS

what is your favorite medium to write?

definitely novels !! its a format i’ve pretty much grown up w and im more comfortable w this medium than any others GHSHJKS but i’d love to explore like ,, screenplays nd see where that takes me

who was your first oc?

HYLLY SHITTTT THIS BRINGS ME BACK SJHJHJGJKS i used to draw a lot back when i was younger nd so i had this oc JHJS his name was ian and he was meant for the maximum ride universe but he was a dumb dude who was 2% cat . nd he had an adopted sister ,, i forgot her name but she was part bird .

what was your first wip about?

world end club is supposed 2 be abt a group of teens who work together 2 take down a corporation that wants 2 essentially control the artificial island they live on thru engineered soldiers . ITS A CONCEPT ,, nd it requires a little Too Much for my one brain cell to think abt

thoughts on shakespeare?

uhhh no thots bc i never read his work in high school i jus know macbeth is cursed .... wow i rly dont know anything abt shakespeare huh .

poetry or prose?

o this is TOUGH i rly adore both .......... im gonna . im gonna go w prose . i lvoe poetry so much sometimes there are lines that just rly fucken punch u in the face but im gonna go w prose bc its familiar !!

would you ever co-write a story?

nO ..... i wouldnt b able 2 compromise i’d jus b like oH ACTUALLY SKSKKS MY IDEA’S DUMB LETS JUST DO URS

write what you want to write or write what you want to read/watch?

oh . fuc .... i feel like its important to have a good balance of both but . honestlie im very partial to what i want to read/watch ..

do you like to write violence?

i dont Like 2 write it but its In My Wips !

what is your favorite trope?

oH ,, probably ‘fire forged friends’ or like . mutual pining ... i have too many favorite tropes nd somehow im gonna incorporate them all .

yikeskimi’s questions!!

Tell us about the main character(s) in your current WIP!

oKAY SO im gonna try to not make this too long SJKHJGS !! wendy is a very like . prickly character . shes like a cactus . nd she’s not too fond of letting ppl get close, but the ppl who do manage to get close to her are happie 2 learn she would actually die for them . loyalty is a Huge Huge part of her character, and she cares very deeply abt the people she calls family . shes also v sarcastic nd like . ‘open ur eyes dummy’ .

arthur is a kind of person who lives heavily on false pretenses . like he projects this image bc its an image that he can control nd he jsut Rolls w it , but hes actually someone who likes 2 tease his friends nd be friendly to them ,, hes got Issuez nd is very much the type of person to be like ‘o lol im ok :-)...’ nd prioritize the needs of others

rafael is , in all honesty , just babey . he studied a lot during high school nd rly pushed himself beyond his limits bc he wants to be able 2 go 2 a good college on scholarship nd get a job 2 support his family , nd hes just ?? very responsible nd sweet but that can also manifest into him taking on more than he should nd burning out .

piper is a very ,, honestlie kinda sad character kjHGJSJ she spends a lot of time just trying 2 appeal to other ppl bc she knows her interest in the supernatural make her a ‘weird’ person nd she wants to be able 2 have real friends ,, but when she learns 2 let go of this she’s very silly nd always making jokes During The Right time ..

Do you have an all time favorite OC? Tell us about them!

hMMMM i dont think i do ??? my memory of my ocs is rly bad JHSJ so more often than not i just ,, rip i dont remember them </3

If you could be best friends with one of your OCs, who would it be and why?

ms piper chaiyathan !!!! shes a very open nd kind individual nd i feel like our humor nd joking style would match V v v well !!!

Last line you’ve written in your WIP?

Wendy, unlike her brothers Adam and Nate, had inherited her father’s rough touch, and that made them both unwanted in the high stakes setting of a diner kitchen.

If you have a chosen title for your WIP, were there any titles you considered before it? And if not, what are some titles you’re thinking of?

when the sun falls went through SO many titles nd i actually have them all here: where the sun goes / fever dreams / above the sun / where the sun follows / the drowned sun ... as u can see the sun was smth i Needed .

What is an important element in the world your WIP takes place in?

uHHHH the supernatural element is . Very important but i cant be too specific about it but i will tell u it involves a dead tree on the beach .

Tell us an out of context spoiler.

arthur gets a cool new set of eyes.

Any power couples/ships in your WIP?

wendy nd arthur babey ,,,,,, bat nd molotov cocktail duo ,,,, last name central until the important moment nd THEN they use each other’s first names ..

Any music you like listening to while you write?

uHHHH specifically for wtsf i listen 2 a lot of hozier, lorde, conan gray, khalid nd halsey :-)

What would your main character(s) favorite song be?

oH okay i got this in the BAG ... wendy’s favorite song would Absolutely be work place by hozier or more than sorrow by a-lin ,,, arthur would definitely b listening 2 like . free spirit by khalid .. piper, since she p much spent all of middle school nd 2 years of high school in thailand ,, i think she’

Which character in your WIP could you relate to the most?

honestly? all of them !!! a lot of the characters in wtsf have little bits nd pieces of me bc thats how all my ocs come into existence nd theres no One character thats like “oh,,, das me”

and here are my 11 questions !!

Which one of your OCs do you think could survive a zombie apocalypse? Why?

What’s something you’ve been itching to write about?

Share the last paragraph you wrote!

Do you prefer coming up with plots or characters? Why?

Do you have any abandoned WIPs? Tell us about them!

What are some favorite themes/tropes to write about?

How do you get into the zone for writing?

Tell us a random fact for any of your OCs !!!

Are you someone who needs a visual for your WIPs?

What are some influences to your writing style?

If you had to be a character in one of your WIPs, which WIP would it be and what role would you play?

i’m gonna tag @babyreeds @holotones @alejandroistyping @noloumna @faerisms @omniawrites @aslanwrites @ashesconstellation @thegrievingyoung @glittcrpeach @syposium !!! no pressure to do it if u dont want to tho <3

#tag game.#AAA this was fun :-) !!!

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bi-dazai · 6 years ago

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hey, i just saw your tag on the "haunting and possession belong to women" post and i was wondering if you had any recommended site to read about the trope? its really interesting to me, id love to read more about it!!

i actually remember reading a really interesting article aboutit a few years ago but i cant find it lol....

if you can find any sourcespls send them to me cos id love to do some more reading on this but it seemsgoogle doesnt like me today

ill summarise what i canremember, as well as pull some information on real life exorcisms (which is ofcourse important in examining fictional exorcisms which are inspired by them,and are also really interesting and enlightening in this case). ill alsoprecurse by saying that im gonna write a very western history because thatswhat im most familiar with, however there is something to be said about howacross the entire world almost every culture that has possession and hauntingmythology will have that mythology heavily rotate around women or at leastfeature women in a central causation or effect. but yes, this is a western viewand history:

women have historically had avery strict expectation of behaviour. a woman exhibiting any form ofindependent thought - e.g. insisting on rights such as property ownership,money ownership (yes this was an actual issue lmfao), voting rights, the rightto education; expressing any form of the existence of their sexuality; engagingin “male” hobbies, arts, and careers - was almost always diagnosed or atleast considered to have some kind of hysteria, to be crazy.

the trope of the possessedgirl in particular is synonymous to this. particularly in western storiesof “possession” (which are often told from a christian perspective), girlswho are possessed by a spirit exhibit traits described historicallyas “hysteria” and are presented as demonic. a girl will say vile things,insult men and the bible, she will be blatant about sexuality, and she will bedeemed as “possessed”. these are the same traits that society, inparticular western society, would use to diagnose women with hysteria or insanity.feminists were thought to be absolutely insane, sometimes possessed. often inchristian and religious lenses, the symptoms of mental illness (or what isperceived as a mental illness) are perceived as possession. almost allpossession narratives have a possessed girl, not a possessed boy, and almost all have a deeply religioustheme (not just because biblical demons are involved!). the behaviours ofpossessed girls also coincide with the image of women and girls as needing tobe kept “pure” - the standards of which reach a level of inhuman sterilitywhich, when pointed out by a woman falling out of these standards, are deemedas “horrific”.

theres also a subset of thisabout how exorcism became a major part of western culture again with the magiccraze of the 19th century and early 20th century, and that this increasedfascination and terror associated with religious punishments and demonicentities, along with the rise of the feminist movement and female independenceat this time, but thats a HUGE subset of history. like the magic craze involvesso many people and crazy aspects, its definitely more of a special interestkinda thing. but if you like reading about weird men doing rituals and jackingoff onto fruit, then 19th and early 20th century magic is fascinating. anywaythats a major part of why exorcism and possession is even such a common tropenowadays

here are some research paths for the possessed girl trope:

studying real lifepossessions - the easiest to find info on would be anneliese michel. massivewarning for abuse, neglect, horrific injury, etc.

how feminism was seen by menin the 19th and early to mid-20th centuries would be another good path

a major onewould be looking up the diagnosis and treatment of hysteria in the 19th century

looking into religious textson exorcisms

AFTER that, consider andresearch tropes of possessions in horror films, particularly ones featuringgirls being possessed

the haunted woman is slightlysimilar - as in, some details cross over with the possessed girl. but thehaunted woman is a later horror trope, emerging with the rise of horror pulpand horror cinema in the 1930s, 50s, and most importantly in the 1970s. inthe 1970s, feminism reached a new wave after the post modernist thoughtemergence of the late 1960s, the decline of the presence of Christianity in thecultural focus, and a whole other amount of things.

withthe rise of second-wave feminist thought, particularly in the arts world andespecially in the film world, we began to see a rise in discussions of abuse,misogyny, and violence committed against women. the fact that women feared fortheir lives a lot more of the time than men did was now a commonly discussedtopic amongst not just scholars but the general populace as well.

someother factors for this discussion:

- therise of magic again in the 70s and 80s

- thecontinued perception of the woman as a symbol of purity

- theprevalence and importance of Stephen king’s writing and horror style in the 70sin particular. works such as the shining and carrie had a massive impact on the future role of horror – itpretty much solidified the female horror protagonist as a thing.

sonow we aren’t demonising women for being human beings – it is now far moreinteresting and popular in our horror to have a female protagonist bear thegrunt of ghosts, insanity, etc – as a representation of the ordeal ofwomanhood. women are haunted, not just by ghosts but by society’s pitfalls.they are lonely, hurt, burdened, but they survive.

there’salso another aspect – it’s the scaremongering. women in the 70s began to havemuch more autonomy than they ever had. this left them often unprotected andalone. the haunted woman often lives alone, and has no male lover in their lifeactively defending them. and now they are being run down the halls by a demonicentity with a vengeance. wouldn’t it be great if they had a big strong man protectingthem??? yeah.

this tropeis much more general and more flexible. there are far more interpretations onthis one, but its best to consider the context of the haunted woman trope. itsmodern interpretation was pretty much formed and solidified in the 70s and 80s,and updated a little to fit new production codes and expectations of gore,injury, fear post-9.11 (that’s an entire aspect of film history that is just….somuch…..)

somepaths:

-secondwave feminism

-theconstruction of purity in 70s and 80s horror, particularly in slasher flicks

-theshift of the western conscience away from Christian prominence

-the socialchanges of the late 1960s and 1970s

-the production codes of Hollywood (thisone is more subtle but i cannot stress enough how much this thing shaped what ourperception of a film is)

theother thing is to study the history of the film industry, not just film. for over a century it has been possiblythe most popularly viewed art form in the western world, and it is so importantwhen studying tropes like this to understand the industry workings that shape them.

i wish i could find the article cos it was rly good, but itwas quite a few years back. if you have any kind of access to a universitylibrary it might be good to look up some papers – there are miles upon miles ofstudies of the depictions of women in horror. also Men, Women, and Chain Saws: Gender in the Modern Horror Film byCarol J. Clover seems to be a good read, though ive only read a few chapters.

#long post #n7c

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dwightkschrute · 6 years ago

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In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time. (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go.

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

#2018 #OMFG MESSSSS of a year..#and i acted so embarrassingly sigh but that was 2018

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radha-the-introvert · 6 years ago

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a l l of the unusual asks

HOO BOY HERE I GOOOO

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

Answer: SoundCloud all the way

is your room messy or clean?

Answer: messy

what color are your eyes?

Answer: Deep Brown

do you like your name? why?

Answer: Yes. It has a interesting story behind it and it has spawned many cute nicknames!

what is your relationship status?

Answer: Bi-myself

describe your personality in 3 words or less

Answer: Shy helpful and lazy af

what color hair do you have?

Answer: Black and my fringe was coloured red in april, and now they’re fading so its a copper colour

what kind of car do you drive? color?

Answer: I don’t

where do you shop?

Answer: Mostly from 109 F

how would you describe your style?

Answer: Mostly colourful, indo-western stuff (if you’re asking dressing style, that is)

favorite social media account

Answer: It’s a tie between Tumblr and Instagram

what size bed do you have?

Answer: Double

any siblings?

Answer: One, @ourkingofsauce which HE NEVER BOTHERS TO USE(pwease rishi pishi)

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

Answer: Statistically, Denmark

favorite snapchat filter?

Answer: I …. don’t use snapchat

favorite makeup brand(s)

Answer: Star or B&D

how many times a week do you shower?

Answer: 7

favorite tv show?

Answer: Sherlock before season 4 happened (I don’t watch that much tv ok)

shoe size?

Answer: 6 (US size)

how tall are you?

Answer: 155cms

sandals or sneakers?

Answer: Sneakers

do you go to the gym?

Answer: I used to, but then ovarian cyst happened

describe your dream date

Answer: Dinner+ A long walk in the city, talking about useless stuff

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

Answer: 100-something rupees

what color socks are you wearing?

Answer: Invisible

how many pillows do you sleep with?

Answer: One

do you have a job? what do you do?

Answer: Nope, I am a student

how many friends do you have?

Answer: A lot, or zero and those guys are just being nice let and me hang out with them

whats the worst thing you have ever done?

Answer: Buy a Chinese special McDonalds Meal

whats your favorite candle scent?

Answer: Cinnamon

3 favorite boy names OR 3 favorite girl names

Answer to both: Something unisex like Akash or Sam or Riley (idk haven’t thought about it much)

favorite actor?

Answer: Chris Hemsworth or Aamir Khan

favorite actress?

Answer: Priyanka Chopra

who is your celebrity crush?

Answer: Markiplier

favorite movie?

Answer: In no particular order-

Om Shanti Om (because it so so stereotypically Bollywood and colourful and still nicely executed)

Harishchandrachi Factory (it’s a marathi film, about the founder of bollywood. it’s very un-bollywood-ey, just a nice simple story about a middle-class marathi guy trying to do something new with his friends and family. also the soundtrack is a-maze-ing)

Katyar Kaljat Ghusli (Another marathi movie, but i feel that every person who is associated with fine or performing arts in any way should watch this. also shankar mahadevan’s music is beautiful)

Do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

Answer: The Silkworm in the Cormoran Strike series. And, not much these days

money or brains?

Answer: Brains, for money(as in success/good standard of living) will follow if you are smart enough(although there is much more to this than just gaming the system, I know)

do you have a nickname? what is it?

Answer: ahahaahahahahahahahahhah

how many times have you been to the hospital?

Answer: Like admitted or something? only once (wow i’m healthy)

top 10 favorite songs

Answer: In no particular order:

Bella Belle(Electro Swing Circus)

Bad Apple! (Touhou project)

Kamli (The Coke Studio ver)

Harry Potter Indian Jam Cover (Tushar Lall)

Undertake soundtrack

Hamilton soundtrack

Night in the Woods soundtrack

Sairaat soundtrack

Katyar Kaljat Ghusli sundtrack

Oppa Toby Style (Toby Fox)

Ye Jo Des Hai Tera (A.R. Rehman)

(i know thats 11 but shut up)

do you take any medications daily?

Answer: i have weekly vitamin D pills

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

Answer: Oily

what is your biggest fear?

Answer: People thinking that i’m useless

how many kids do you want?

Amswer: two

whats your go to hair style?

Answer: I just comb my hair with my hand most of the times (back when my hair were shoulder-length; i used to wear them in a french plait)

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

Answer: A bigish 3BHK

who is your role model?

Answer: Sean McLoughlin

what was the last compliment you received?

Answer: That my hair are nice

what was the last text you sent?

Answer: “What is Busride seminar?”

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

Answer: I’m Hindu, so the concept of Santa was introduced to me as a Thing Christian people did, so I always knew santa wasn’t real

what is your dream car?

Answer: ‘87 Chevy Impala (jk i haven’t put much though into it but i’m a sucker for vintage cars and memes)

opinion on smoking?

Answer: Don’t do it, your lungs are precious

do you go to college?

Answer: Yes

what is your dream job?

Answer: good joke

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

Answer: Suburbs

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

Answer: no

do you have freckles?

Answer: no

do you smile for pictures?

Answer: yes

how many pictures do you have on your phone?

Answer: A lot

have you ever peed in the woods?

Answer: ew no

do you still watch cartoons?

Answer: i rarely watch tv

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

Answer: I’ve never been to Wendy’s, so McDonalds it is then

Favorite dipping sauce?

Answer: schezwan sauce

what do you wear to bed?

Answer: pyjamas (boohooim so i n t e r e s t i n g)

have you ever won a spelling bee?

Answer: nah

what are your hobbies?

Answer: what is a hobby?

can you draw?

Answer: kinda

do you play an instrument?

Answer: nope

what was the last concert you saw?

Answer: i dont remember. it was like in 2010 or something

tea or coffee?

Answer:

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

Answer: Starbucks

do you want to get married?

Answer: yes

what is your crush’s first and last initial?

Answer: S and R

are you going to change your last name when you get married?

Answer: Nope

what color looks best on you?

Answer: Pale yellow, pale pink or b/w

do you miss anyone right now?

Answer: my grandfather

do you sleep with your door open or closed?

Answer: open

do you believe in ghosts?

Answer: nah

what is your biggest pet peeve?

Answer: WHEN SOME PEOPLE DON’T LIKE TO CO-OPERATE DURING GROUP PROJECTS

last person you called`

Answer: My college batchmate

favorite ice cream flavor?

Answer: Mint Choco Chip

regular oreos or golden oreos?

Answer: Regular. Anyone who likes golden are a freak and they know it

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

Answer: Chocolate

what shirt are you wearing?

Answer: Bright green

what is your phone background?

Answer: I’m on pc so ima post my wallpaper

are you outgoing or shy?

Answer: shy (i thought it was obvious)

do you like it when people play with your hair?

Answer: Yes

do you like your neighbors?

Answer: Yes. They are a lovely couple and they have a cute daughter who thinks that I’m her older sister (she’s 3)

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

Answer: Yes, like 3-4 times a day

have you ever been high?

Answer: Nah

have you ever been drunk?

Answer: Nope

last thing you ate?

Answer: Cucumber

favorite lyrics right now

Answer: The entirety of “Wait For It”

or “hogwarts hogwarts hoggy warty hogwarts teach us something please!’

summer or winter?

Answer: Winter

day or night?

Answer: Day

dark, milk, or white chocolate?

Answer: Dark

favorite month?

Answer: October

what is your zodiac sign

Answer: Virgo

who was the last person you cried in front of?

Answer: My mum

im tired now

#ask game

7 notes · View notes

basadd · 3 years ago

Text

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

84,046

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

posted, it´s bnha, dp, Onward(2020), and voltron

unposted also includes mlb, banana fish, and danganronpa

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

no. 1 by far: the fear of what could become (dp)

2-not a quirk, can´t prove it (bnha)

3-chipped (bnha)

4-rest (dp)

5-(youŕe gonna be) the one left standing (bnha)

5. Which of your fics do you want more attention for?

someone who feels like home, the onward lesbian milfs fic lol

6. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

not really, every few months i check my inbox, and short simple ones i give a quick thanks to, but the best comments i just hoard unread in my inbox and never reply to bc i cant describe my thanks lmao i should start printing those out so i can actually thank them

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

(youŕe gonna be) the one left standing(bnha), or Exhaustion (dp)

8. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

surprisingly no ???? i think i used to hate them and now its just never occurred to me to write some

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

yeah yup someone on ff.net just this month commented on one of my best dp fics, ¨why did you have to include the trans part¨ with a lil stronger wording. hurt my feelings a lil lol

10. Do you write smut? if so what kind?

yea, its very fluffy and cheesy and funny and none of it is complete so i dont accidentally post any till im 18. thats my excuse for writers block kehehe

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope! ive only helped beta translations before

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

technically yes but itś not complete or posted and we havent touched it in over a year so is it really a yes ..??

13. What’s your all time favorite ship?

im not the biggest on shipping tbh, i write the most tododeku where theyre pals who wanna kiss so maybe that by default

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

stoppp i have the naive & unrealistic hope that i will someday finish all my wips, but probably the voltron longfic monstrosity from day 7 off tododeku week 2018. yes that was 4 years ago and i only have 20 pages written shutup

15. What are your writing strengths?

dialogue maybeeeee??? im an overall wimp actually

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

sitting down and doing it, rereading the stuff i wrote when i was 12 and wishing i was still that proficient, describing things, nonsensical run-on sentences, way too many commas, non-dialogue descriptive bs, making up original things that havent happened to me irl to write about, staying in the same tense for more than 2 sentences (past and present are indiscernable to my brain until i start betaing myself and im so shocked at how i managed to fuck it up that bad, and trying to reverse engineer which one i Meant to write in by trying to figure out which one i used slightly more often)

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

ask a friend who knows that language how to get the right message across, iĺl use google translate to make up bnha names but i know how much of a disaster is it grammically

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

bnha! but voltron introduced me to ao3 aka quality fic im surprised i never wrote any for that when it was my whole life, i drew more instead

19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

fav: repotting aimless roots (bnha) or the fear of what could become (dp)

least fav: Dregs (bnha), because i felt like i was writing about something that was none of my business

20. What fic are you most proud of?

GHOST (bnha), bc its long and i Actually Finished It lol. also oranges (bnha) bc i managed to write it in covid depression but its not finished soooo....

#i rlly wanna branch out #but i still wanna COMPLETE all the cool ideas i had for tddk weeks #that was the only thing keeping me going for YEARS #made me feel cool to participate in an event celebs like pit were writing for too #im most prroud of my first one where i actually was batshit crazy and made up #drafted #wrote #and posted every day for the whole tddk week #it never occurred to me that people worked ahead and just posted them on their respective days.....#ive never been more productive than that week #my penance for exerting that much magic energy was losing wind on the seventh day and still struggling to finish my idea 4 years later #tag yelling #tag games #no i wasnt tagged. yes im egocentric #i hate having a life i dont write anymoreeeeee cryyyyyy #writing

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clumsyclifford · 4 years ago

Note

right? i'm also partial to all variations of earl grey but english breakfast is like 11/10 always 😍 oh yeah no we don't have a/c at all.. i have a fan in my room but that really does fuck all to help and i have to say the thought that you just causally have a/c in your home is so weird to me and also makes me incredibly jealous you can't imagine 😅 i really don't deal well with heat so these past few weeks have been so fucking stressful especially bc they took tea from me (1/7)

(2/7) oh yes agreed if those lines really saved i found a girl for me and also it just sounds fun 🙈 yes it is the dog one honestly i love these kind of videos 😅 and i watched false confidence now and. perhaps i really love him. and maybe that video made me cry just a little. honestly thank you so much for introducing me to noah kahan i just love his music so much. & right? she has so many like overly specific and honest things in her songs that just make so much sense and just hit differently

(3/7) do you know anxiety by her? bc that's also one of those songs for me too 🙈 i'll definitely listen to more thomas rhett bc i really love his style of writing about adoring his wife 😅 and i have a playlist for all your recs so it's okay that you keep going i'm just gonna add it all and work my way through depending on my mood. really interested to hear more!!

(4/7) whaaaat. okay did not realise that was alex and now i feel bad. i have to admit trash pop is a pretty good description for that sound but it is still a very nice sound 😅 oh love!! you did rec me dear winter and turning out before 🙈 i love them and ajr! i just don't like this one song (i've been listening to sober up, weak, karma and i'm not famous sooooo much and technically bang as well but i somehow forgot to download it so i haven't actively heard it in a bit)

(5/7) that's okay 🙈 & alright thank you will listen to these recs first i think bc i really liked fletcher's vibe and it's the only one i haven't heard a complete song of. also very sorry you can't see her anymore it sounds like a great lineup :/ okay so listen i tried to make this as coherent as possible i hope i managed: i adore music so much. honestly can't put my love for music into words so i completely understand what you mean when you describe sharing music as intimate.

(6/7) bc well it can be just about liking the sound of sth but it can also be hey look at this song that ripped my heart out (maybe this is a iydk reference we might never know) and then people go and ignore it or say sth mean and it just fucking sucks. so yeah i get it and will thus always take time to listen to your recs and tell you what i think. i truly feel so honoured every time you take the time to rec me things bc it's really kinda putting yourself out there and i appreciate it a lot.

(7/7) oh and also bc i truly love and cherish all the stuff you introduced me to like i'm really, really thankful for your music so yeah i love you a lot for this as well ❤ - fiancee

putting a cut cos long winded asks call for long winded answers NOT that i dont love them because I DO

dude im so sorry about the a/c thing like i genuinely am........fuckin crime whoever thought to do that to you guys

THANK ME??? THANK YOU FOR LISTENING TO NOAH KAHAN EVEN THOUGH I WAS ANNOYING AS HELL ABOUT HIM fiancee you mean more to me than words can say thats all moving on i love you

yeah!! anxiety is a good song maybe not like My Favorite but frankly is there a bad julia michaels song. if so i have yet to find it. however do you know what a time. she did that one with niall which i personally think is very sexy of her <3 julia michaels can and will do it all

YOU MADE A PLAYLIST OF MY RECS.......STOP IM GOING TO CRY I REALLY AM fiancee...........................you are testing my emotional patience tonight i really might cry that is so cute and thoughtful and . JUST. also while listening to it in the car today i discovered like an absolute idiot that the album life changes is from is called. you guessed it. life changes. SO. anyway im not rec’ing ANY more thomas rhett songs unless you explicitly ask because maybe im in love w his whole discography and would die for him but thats nobody’s business but my own

yeah it really is........like i dont know whats making that wicked sound at the beginning of thanks i hate it i think its just a super distorted guitar but i LOVE it

GSKFLGMKDFJ did i really rec u those two songs before.......WELL IM NOTHING IF NOT CONSISTENT and obsessive ok that is fair i did kind of jump to conclusions there but anyway while we’re here promise this is the only real rec im adding to the list but three-thirty by ajr although i do feel like ive already given you this rec??? but that one just fucking decks me every day of my life so anyway. yeah

hitting myself in the face fiancee what the fuck did i do to deserve you. how’d i win the fucking lottery on this one. like. just. i just . im all outta words im just love you so very much and i really really cherish you and this relationship we have and our friendship and the . mutualism of the song recs??? i love you a metric fuckton dude that is a promise

#JESUSSSSSS #STOP MAKN ME CRY IN THE END OF THESE #fiancee anon #now i have remember you young stuck in my head #i literally made a whole fucking new playlist today just bc i listened to remember you young and had a really specific emotion #the playlist is named after a lyric from a parachute song #and interestingly enough i cant remember #OH THATS A LIE the song is called. ocean? i believe #the lyric is. i hope i never learn an easy way to miss you #and before you ask: no i have absolutely no idea what other songs can go on it #im PRETTY sure the vibe is like. fond bittersweet nostalgia #like the song is ABOUT nostalgia though. it doesnt cause ME nostalgia #like remember you young is a song about nostalgia #maybe the playlist shoulda just been called that #although i actually think i follow one of calum's playlists and it's called nostalgia #so thatd be confusing #also my friend is in a BAND called nostalgia #lots of nostalgia goin around doesnt look like a word anymore #anyway #anonymous #ask #answered

0 notes

bonesfromyonder · 5 years ago

Note

All the numbers? :D

Oh god I'll answer a few ahah

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

nope, i mean i’m a solid 2 at best, so i shouldn’t be judging

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

for sure. to feel so close to someone is a beautiful thing.

3. Are you a virgin?

call me mary

4. Are you in a relationship?

with the fridge

5. Are you in love?

in love with a lot of things, but people? no quite yet, takes a lot for me to LOVE a person

6. Are you single this year?

i’m single every year

7. Can you commit to one person?

question is, can one person commit to me?

8. Describe your crush

9. Describe your perfect mate

shares similar morals, and can share a debate but also have patience and teach me new things. aesthetics wise i have a preference for brown hair and as much as o absolutely LOVE brown eyes, I always seem to fall for people with blue eyes, even though i find them less aesthetically appealing idk why.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

yes and no. i believe you can be drawn to someone but the best relationships are built.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

depends on if i meet the right person

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

depends on what, why, who, but i am pretty forgiving, but will call people out on their bullshit

13. Do you get jealous easily?

yes and no, i get low key jealous easily but o can kinda switch it off? i just go from the jealous midset of 'i want that' to 'im happy for them' i'm really working on not being jealous but im a bit of a hothead at times

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

15. Do you have any piercings?

my ears closed up but i kind wanna get snake bites.

16. Do you have any tattoos?

nope bit i want loads, i want full on sleeves

17. Do you like kissing in public?

20. Do you shower every day?

i shower every other day to give my hair a rest but tend to take a bath on the alternating days.

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

yeah, if you can't then you shouldn't be in a relationship sorryyyy

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

probably not

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

nope

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

fuck no

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

everything

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

way too many times

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

it's the only love i have experienced

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yep 😅

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

low key yeah

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yep, the last crush i had is soo not my type 😬

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

fuck yeah, thats just my type 😌

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

possibly 👀

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

cock blocked by a virus im tellin ya 😩

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

43. How long was your longest relationship?

Not very ahah

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

2, from early school years ahah

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

47. How old are you?

18 years, 19 in August 😬

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

i'd be happy for them. if you love someone, their happiness comes first, unless they led me on then i'd maybe be a little upset.

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

i'd do anything for a lot of people tbh.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

my last crush 😅 too indirect and confusing. would call me darling and hold me on nights out but then would never actually go anywhere other than a night out on the town.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Shani ❤️

55. Share a relationship story.

56. State 8 facts about your body

its fat, it's ugly, its scarred, its disproportionate, but apprently i have a really flexible back, i can't think of anything else ahah

57. Things you want to say to an ex

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

being funny, spontaneous, creative. being gentle with animals. being passionate. i will sit and listen to anyone talk about there passions ❤️

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

their body language, i am a psychologist at heart ahah

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

be spontaneous. fuck valentine's day, why do you need a day to show someone you love them, if i see someone that reminds me of the person i love I'll get them that, and give it to them, not waiting for valentine's or a birthday or Christmas, this i why i am shit at birthday and xmas presents cos i give people gifts all year around 😅

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

having sex?

64. What is your definition of cheating?

cheating?

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

paintball or lazy tag bb

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off?

money talk

70. What turns you on?

touch, humour, idk basic stuff ahah

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

Bush did 9/11

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

hug me from behind

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

when Shani passed my artist friends gathered artists to do memorial art of her ❤️

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

idk aha

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

if you're both of consenting age, fucking go for it

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Tom Hiddleston, Hozier, Chris Evans, Scarlet Johansson, Ben Howard

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

83. Who was your first kiss with?

My best guy friend 😂

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

why not.

0 notes

incognitomiamigo · 7 years ago

Text

Impostor syndrome while transitioning?

So I haven't provided a REAL life update since starting Testosterone. My journey began June 8th and I am writing this November 7th 2017.

I always passed pretty well but within the last two months I have began passing a lot more. Before, patients(I work in a hospital) would still mostly call me she/her pronouns but now i am consistently passing and its interesting because I find myself outing myself on accident in the sense I tell past stories where I am still female to my patients because I'm still not registering that I am completley passing now. Before when my co workers misgendered me on accident it didn't matter because my patients thought I was female anyways but now its more of a problem because again most think im male without second thought. It's also interesting because I grew up being socialized as female and when I came out as transgender I was treated as a transgender as in "I know you identify as male but you're still technically female so whatever" I don't know if I am describing it right but there IS a difference being treated as a cis male vs. Transman and so now I find myself in plenty of situations where I am treated as a cis male and it throws me off a hell of a lot. In return I think its triggering dysphoria because I want to so badly just be a cis man at times and it is so hard to always embrace my trans identity.

Evidence A: I was watching a patient on a different floor and he took his dick out while I was sitting there to do something and I was fine with it but he only did it because he thought I was a dude and another doc came in talking about dick issues and was like right man? Talking to me and I DON'T HAVE A DICK so I felt so fucked up from that because the more I pass the more I want to be.

Evidence B: I was always the fat kid. Like ALWAYS and since starting T I have gained weight. Mostly good but to me in my head no weight gain is genuinley good weight gain. Again I think this has to do with female weight standards being ingrained in me versus male. Anyways I know I'm not fat but the changes I have had have messed with my head.

The reason I use the term "impostor syndrome" is because damn its so stressful for me to go to male only places I feel like a fraud and fake and I get so frazzled because I don't know the first thing about navigating a male world or place and its overwhelming because im just afraid to be outed. And i know it's a transitional phase but it's a lot and wanting to be cis is draining.

So aside from the emotional aspect of transitoning I feel like not a ton of physical things have changed. I feel calmer and Its hard for me to cry. My thighs are hairier and my hour glass shape is becoming less intense. I have a little Stache I want more!!! I'm definitley growing facial hair like I literally didn't even realize how much until I shaved my face and people made comments about it. I was like damn is it that noticeable? I haven't been working out but am forcing myself to prioritize because body issues. I need to change my name and a consult should occur for me soon for top surgery. Also I have had some growth downstairs and thats been nice. I am thinking to post progress pics soon. I honestly don't think my voice has changed a ton.

Sexual identity changes??? YES. I am in a commited relationship however after several conversations my partner allowed me to sort of venture out with males and yeah it turns out I don't mind them. I definitley would use the term queer and I could get into a whole rant about it but yeah.

So overall its been a lot of internal changes with subtle external changes. However my mantra amongst this whole change is "be kind to yourself." Cliche yes, important to me. Yes.

#ftm #my transition #queer #lgbt #transguy #transman #femaletomale #impostor syndrome

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nickireadstfc · 7 years ago

Text

The Raven King, Chapter 14 – A Few Cheerful ‘Hell Yeah‘s, Followed By A Swift ’Hell Fucking Nope’

In which I am too invested in Orange Cheerleading, Neil is an Oblivious Gay™, the Foxy Team Spirit gains bonus XP, we meet the awesomeness that is Fearless Neil Josten and everything goes so pleasantly well that I really should have seen the bone-chilling fuckery at the end coming.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

I am prefacing this by saying that this is probably my second favourite chapter of this book so far. It may even be on a par with my previous favourite chapter, the Neil Sassing Riko To Hell And Back At The Fall Banquet chapter.

There is GOOD SHIT HAPPENING!! Finally!! And when the bad shit happens it’s still SASSY!! And AWESOME!! And then it’s fucking terrifying but like – what else is new.

I really, really liked this one. And I feel like I’m going to need that bit of love for the next two chapters, which are promising to be 50 Shades of Fucked Up.

Let’s go.

“When Andrew finds out you’ve stolen his car,” Matt started, but left the rest of the threat unspoken.

“Andrew knows,” Neil said. “He left me his key.”

Matt stared at him, startled. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Homeboy can’t believe it I am HOLLERING.

The Foxes slowly realizing that Neil is starting to get through Andrew’s shell is such, such a delight.

Neil being entirely oblivious about it is an even greater one.

Also, Matt is going to start teaching Neil how to fight! Yay for self-defense! <3

Now that Katelyn is kind of not a secret anymore, she starts hanging around with the Foxes, apparently. Will I start liking this character, finally?

Katelyn seemed nervous at first, but she warmed up quickly and chatted almost nonstop through dinner. She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her, but Aaron looked so alive in her presence Neil couldn’t hold it against her.

FUCK YES I WILL.

This is such a small detail, but I actually had to put the book down at that part and just silently contemplate life for a bit because honestly – few sentences have described me as well as “She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her.”

I feel this so much, you have no idea.

Of course, that means I have adopted this character now, she’s in my heart and there are no take-backs. <3

Being newly invested in Katelyn also means being newly invested in Orange Cheerleading, and this is the point where all the info I have soaked up via my cheer-loving best friends really comes in handy.

This is a very good visual for what the Vixens would look like at a Fox game – the squad in the video is Clemson University which is TFC is based on!

And this is Clemson’s cheer championship routine from last year, which is infinitely more awesome than a game routine because it’s made for their own championship, not for someone else’s game, and it really shows off what a team can do.

Keep in mind though that this team is co-ed (meaning both men and women), and as far as we know the Vixens are an all-girl team, which means they’d have considerably less partner stunts (one person on one person) and more group stunts (one person on four, three or two people).

Also, this is their uniform and now one can tell me otherwise.

Brb making an orange bow to wear to our next cheer event.

Info dump done! Let’s move on!

“We should celebrate,” [Dan said.] (…)

Aaron looked at [her] as if she’d grown three heads. “We don’t socialize with you.”

“You do tonight,” Matt said. “Tell Katelyn to come. (…) The Vixens can come too.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH, BONUS XP FOR THE FOXY TEAM SPIRIT.

I am so for all of them having fun party times together that a) don’t involve going to Eden’s Twilight and b) involve all of them.

Also, I am so, so for the Foxes and the Vixens finally being friends.

Seriously, there are few things as shitty as ignoring the people who cheer on you every night no matter how bad you are, and I can’t believe we’ve never addressed this until now.

BE NICE TO YOUR CHEERLEADERS, FUCKERS.

“Thanks for taking one for the team, Neil,” [Nicky said.] “You’re a real friend.” (…)

“Are we?”, he asked. (…) Tonight it almost meant something, though what, Neil didn’t know. “Friends?”

Oh my goooooooooooood literally HOW.

“It almost meant something” I am going to punch this idiot so hard his angst will finally come shooting out of his oblivious ass.

“You’re going to be the absolute death of me,” Nicky said. “Yeah, kid. We’re friends. You’re stuck with us, like it or not.”

Nicky, my man, my sunshine, thank you for finally saying this to Sir Angstlord McDramatic, also I’m crying a lil.

I was already so happy about that scene, I thought we were done with our quota of good things for this chapter, but no – Thanksgiving happens somewhere along the way, and it’s not The Thanksgiving That Shall Not Be Named, but Happy And Sappy Abby Thanskgiving, where the food and the feels are plentiful.

“It’s not really about the food. It’s about family. Not necessarily the one we were born with, but the one we chose. This one,” Nicky emphasized, gesturing between them. “The people we trust to be part of our lives. The people we care about.”

“I’m trying to eat here,” Wymack said.

Wymack <3

Also, NICKY <333333333333

Brb, crying a lot.

Kevin later offers to not drink wine after dinner so Neil can have some, which neil declines, but which still makes me grin like a sappy motherfucker because Kevin offered to do something nice for Neil.

I feel like I’m in a happy fanservice episode of an anime. Is this real, am I witnessing this shit with my own two eyes?

Somehow [the Foxes] all ended up at the dining hall at the same time. (…) On Tuesday Katelyn tagged along, and on Wednesday they went downtown together as a large group: all eight remaining Foxes and four of the Vixens.

👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

At the restaurant, this girl Marissa starts hounding Neil, and absolute hilarity ensues as Neil tries to not talk to her or at least talk to her about Exy, and she wants to talk about everything but Exy.

Absolute lack of chemistry nonwithstanding, she still chats him up after dinner:

“I can give you my number,” Marissa said.

Neil didn’t remember asking for it at any point that night. “What for?”

How is this boy real. HOW.

“I would like to get to know you better. I think we could have a lot of fun together, just the two of us. You’re very interesting, Neil.”

She wasn’t the first to say that, but Neil wondered if Andrew’s opinion of him would change when he was off his medication.

OH MY GOD.

I AM HOWLING.

Neil: gets blatantly obviously hit on by pretty girl Neil:…………………….. Neil: hmm I wonder what Andrew would think about this

Honestly………………. This is the most I C O N I C Andreil scene to this point, and 50% of Andreil aren’t even present.

“There’s a way to let girls down gently, you know.” (…)

“Do girls need kid-glove treatment? I thought they were tougher than that.”

Dan’s grin was approving. “Most of us are. Some of us are like boys, though, and have delicate egos.”

Shoutout to Dan for coming around to remind me how much of a flawless sass queen she is whenever I dare to forget it.

Also: Renee is going to be Neil’s platonic winter banquet date! Dan and Matt are getting each other cute shit for Christmas! Matt invited Neil and the cousins to his home over Christmas!

I am currently bathing in a golden pool of my own happy tears, please leave me here for all eternity and supply food occasionally.

However, if anyone thought it would all stay happy and banter-y now they must have been reading than me, because Nora is waiting right around the corner to snatch me the fuck out of my happy pool:

It’s time for another Fancy Orange Sportsball Banquet, including our friends from Tall, Dark and Dramatic University.

Thankfully, our boy Neil has one thing in common with fandom by now, and that is being ready to protect Kevin at all costs.

“Neil” might be an easily-spooked runaway, and “Nathaniel” was a hunted young man, but “Abram” was the one shielded from and untouched by his father’s bloody business. Neil would pull on every murder he’d ever seen and every endless, desperate night, and he’d face Riko unflinching.

This is yet another wonderful, wonderful development in Neil where I cannot begin to tell you how much I like it. But more on that in a minute.

First, another point on the list of Things That Absolutely No One Saw Coming, and By No One I Mean Everyone.

“The following four teams have qualified to represent the southeastern district in spring championship games. I will list them in order of ranking, first to fourth. Edgar Allan, Palmetto State, Breckenridge, Belmonte.”

Aka the only teams we have seen the Foxes play against so far. What a surprise.

Also, I did mention that Neil and Renee are going as platonic dates, right?

Did I also mention how much I love Renee for going on platonic dates with people?? Bc same?? Also I love her??

“Sorry,” Neil said.

Renee sent him a curious look. “Why?”

“I’m no trying to ignore you.”

“It’s all right if you do,” Renee said. “Kevin needs you more than I do.”

I love you :( <333

Also, hate to say this, but homegirl is right.

“Your lack of survival instincts is supremely distressing,” Riko said. “Take that look off your face before I carve it off.”

That Fucker™ is back, everyone, and as always ready to supply us all with shitty input exactly no one asked for.

Neil hadn’t realized he was smiling, too, a cruel look he’d inherited from his father. Neil lowered his cup so Riko could get a better look at it. “I would love to see you try. You think I’m afraid of your knife? I’m the Butcher’s son.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH.

After having met Angsty Dramatic Runaway Neil Josten, Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten, and recently Responsibly Neil Josten, may I now introduce you to my newest favourite Neil Josten:

Fearless Neil Josten.

“I am the family your father was afraid of.” (…)

“Not of you,” Neil said, with fierce emphasis. “You’re not part of that family, remember? You’re the cast-off.”

Oh yeah, also Fearless Neil Josten is Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten’s meaner twin brother.

GET FUCKED, RIKO.

He hoped it would hit, but he didn’t realize how deep it would cut. He’d never seen that look on Riko’s face but he knew he’d signed his death warrant.

Oops.

“A dog who bites his master’s hand deserves to be slaughtered.” (…)

“I am not a dog. I’m a Fox.”

“You are nothing but what I tell you to be.”

“We talked about your delusions.”

Neil, as much as I am enjoying your witty comebacks At All Times, I sagely advise you to shut the fuck up right about now.

“Let go of me, King.”

“I am King,” Riko agreed, “and you are going to spend Christmas at my castle. You’re coming to Evermore for winter break.”

I would have loved to dish out a few amused comments here in the style of lol, dream on Mr Fuckface Dramatic – however thanks to y’all I have been told time and time again that there was absolute shit going down on Christmas.

Which means that now I am not amused. I am incredibly scared.

“Drake was an interesting man, wasn’t he? I should thank the police for leading me straight to him. I might not have discovered him otherwise. Did you know, Nathaniel? Oakland lawyers are some of the cheapest to buy off.”

He set Andrew up. He set. Andrew. Up.

That FUCKER. I knew there was going to be a reason why Drake was there at that point exactly.

THAT FUCKER.

“Did you know I’ve bought one of the doctors at Eastaven, too? Unless you want these little therapy sessions of his to turn into therapeutic reenactments, you will be on a plane to West Virginia tomorrow morning.”

THAT FUCKING FUCKER.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I will personally punch him in his shit-eating face – no, wait.

Neil didn’t have words, so he answered with his fist. He didn’t have a lot of room to swing but he made do and caught Riko right in his vulgar mouth.

NEIL will punch him in his shit-eating face.

I have been waiting for this since we first bloody met That Fucker™. I am living.

A short brawl ensues, which Neil would have totally won imo if the Coaches wouldn’t have separated them.

As it is, though, the Raven Posse is out of sight, though definitely not out of mind.

“What happened?”

“Neil hit Riko,” Matt said. “It was beautiful.”

“What?” Nicky squawked. “Not fair! I missed it! Go do it again.”

I am actually laughing so hard. Nicky, you are the best.

Neil explains the situation to the team – how Riko used the promise of getting Drake’s charges dismissed as bait for him to come see Andrew one more time – and then continues being unexpectedly and brilliantly badass.

“I’m going to kill him,” Nicky said.

“No,” Neil said, with a ferocity that had even Matt eyeing him warily. “We’ve got to break him first. If Exy is the only thing he cares about we’re going to take it away from him. First we destroy his reputation, then we destroy him.”

Have I mentioned how Fearless Neil Josten is my fucking FAVE.

“I don’t want us to lose a single game this spring. Can we do that?”

“Not a single damn game,” Dan said in a hard voice.

Hell yeah.

“I don’t have a choice. I have to go. You have to trust me.”

“He will break you.”

“He wishes he knew how,” Neil said. “Trust me. I promise I’ll come back, and when I do I’ll bring Andrew back with me. It’s going to be fine. So do you have my ticket or not?”

Hell fucking nope.

Is this happening?

This is the fuck happening.

Oh dear.

If you like this and you wanna help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3

#nicki reads tfc #trk #tfc #aftg #the raven king #the foxhole court #all for the game #nora sakavic #only two more chapters to go!!!!#im scared #and I know I'm not ready trust me I KNOW y'all keep fucking TELLING ME

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