#but thats just my suffocating need to have an emotional song play while the end credits start rolling

[yumeyumeappleo]

i have complicated feelings about tmnt and i dont know hwo to put it into words

[aizawa-needs-coffee]

Hi!! Could I have a matchup please? I'm 18, pronouns she/her, I'm fine w any gender though I have a preference for males

If its of any relevance, physically I'm about 5'8 tall and on the chubby side, green eyes, brown hair (with blonde streaks) and I wear glasses

If you're into astrology/ mbti, I am a Sagittarius w both moon and rising in Cancer and I'm INFP

So I'm quite emotional lol. Usually very in touch with my emotions and quite perceptive of other's feelings as well. I have a huge saviours complex especially when it comes to feelings (i love helping others figure out their feelings, being a shoulder to cry on or even offering comforting hugs) but I try my best to keep it control cause I don't wanna be suffocating

On the outside I'd say I'm fairly organized, I keep my room clean and all of that, I'm a lil bit of a perfectionist but mentally I'm all over the place. I tend to get carried away by thoughts and emotions and end up procrastinating a lot; anxiety makes it all worse. In short, I suck at time management

To most people I may seem quiet and reserved but I actually really enjoy talking to people; I'm really insecure about not being funny or interesting enough tho. Around my friends I'm more relaxed but still have moments of self doubt

I can also be quite obsessive. If something really catches my interest I won't stop until I search all there is to know about it. For example I watched bnha, read the manga, the spin offs etc all in less than a month and now I'm indulging in fanart and fanfics because I need m o r e c o n t e n t hsbsb. I'm also that kind of person that listens to a new song they like on repeat until they hate it. Speaking of music, I can't say I have a taste lol. My fave genres are rock, pop and indie but I hear smth I like, I listen to it, whether its "high quality" music, basic or weird. Lately I've been listening to a lot of epicore which is literally the type of music thats used in fantasy and sci fi movies askfkdk

I like expressing myself through writing, singing and dancing but I really can't say I'm talented at either of those, it's all in good fun. I also enjoy reading (fiction, non-fic books bore me like hell; my fave genres are fantasy, sci fi and crime) but I haaate literature in school. I'm actually a bit of a math nerd and this year I'm starting uni, studying computer science!! Oh! I've also taken drama classes for 2 years (despite the fear I loved being on stage and plan on starting again once I'm done w the baccalaureate), I love playing D&D and while I woulnd't quite call myself a gamer, I love role playing video games. I'm also almost always down for any kind of multiplayer video games w friends although I have no experience

I'm not a sportive person, I go on walks or do a few exercises every now and then at home but I'm willing to try stuff out like a new sport or going to the gym w an s/o. I do plan on starting self defense classes soon and maybe taking up sword fighting (I love swords hehe)

Tbh I've never been in a relationship so I'm not really sure how I would act w an s/o, nor what I'm exactly looking for. I best express my affection through physical touch tho and that includes my friends so I'd like someone who isn't bothered or can get used to that (s/o would still receive the most hugs/ cuddles etc). I'm not that comfortable w the other love languages for friends and family, but I think I'd be a lot more eager to express my love through them for s/o. If I'm on the receiving end, my weakness is still physical touch :)) but I also need words of affirmation every now and then cause insecurities 🌠 and while I wouldn't ask for anything, especially objects, I am a hoarder and I'd keep any kind of gift like its a national treasure simply bc its from someone I love.

In addition, it doesn't really matter if s/o is more on the emotional or rational side a long as they dont invalidate my feelings; it angers me a lot and makes me feel even more insecure. I tend to isolate when I'm really really upset about something so I need a lil bit of pushing to talk abt it; I'm open to talk abt my feelings but I need the verbal confirmation that they care and wanna help, its not just cause they're being nice

Wow that is a lot of rambling jeez ajsjsjs sorry. Thank you so much if you've read throught that all and ty for the match up!!

Me and my wife literally having a ten minute debate on who we’d pair you with before I made my choice. Thanks for all the details and I hope you enjoy the match up!

I match you with Sero

I feel he’s outgoing and extroverted enough to help you with your anxiety and always reassure you that you are good at things and he does love you, he’s also so chill and laid back that even if you were clingy he’d not mind, he’d embrace it, his chill nature would help balance you. He would help you feel grounded and have a ‘you don’t have to do it all now’ attitude but would happily help you out. You need help going to the store? He remembers the list you wrote, having trouble fitting in lunch while you study? He’ll come to your door with pizza.

He’s determined and outgoing but isn’t aggressively positive and loud either which I think is why I picked him over Kirishima for you.

+++

“Hey babe, whatcha reading?” Sero asked sitting next to you on the sofa, he handed you a soda which you gratefully took, not looking up from your laptop screen.

As soon as he was sat down comfortably your hand grabbed his, clasping your fingers together as you managed to tear your gaze away from the Wikipedia page which was still open. You blinked up at him and shook your head.

“Oh just something I learned about today and wanted to do some.. extra reading” you explained.

He nodded his head and drank his soda watching as your face lit up as you started to ramble about the topic, he didn’t really know much about it but the way you told him about everything, the way you happily expressed your interest towards the topic made him happy. He gave you his big grin when you finished.

“Sorry, I rambled..” You felt bad, you always felt nervous when you info dumped on people.

“Nah, it’s cool, I didn’t mind at all” he brought your hand up to his face and gave it a kiss, your face flushed at the gentle gesture which caused Sero to laugh playfully.

“Well, if your sure… I just wanted something to take my mind off chores”.

“It’s the weekend, you don’t have to rush anyway.. and if you don’t feel better by tomorrow I can help, you can wash the dishes and I’ll dry?” he suggested still peppering kisses on the back of your hand before you set your laptop down and crawled closer to him.

You nodded softly, that sounded a lot more manageable, you felt your anxiety settle down from a raging nagging feeling to something easier to tolerate. He was such a good influence on you. Sero set down his drink and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer to his chest.

“The guys want to come over and say hi later, maybe get pizza… but I can tell them not tonight if you aren’t feeling it… maybe you can play that new game you got? I liked watching you play the other night” He suggested as he nuzzled your head, enjoying how your hair felt on his face.

“Maybe… can I give you an answer later?”

“Yeah, no rush babe”

You smiled softly feeling the lanky boy kiss the side of your head and listened as you carried on talking about the trivia of your current interest.

[artificialqueens]

First Day Of My Life (Trixya) - Sinatra

A/N: Songfic, titled and based around the song First Day Of My Life by Bright Eyes. I use Brian for Trixie and Katya for Katya to keep from confusion. Pronouns change from whether they're in drag, but mostly it is either mentioned/implied, or isn't very important. Also, sorry if the formatting or spaces are a bit screwed, I'm not used to submitting on Tumblr mobile or on Tumblr at all. Enjoy!

This is the first day of my life,

Swear I was born right in the doorway.

Trixie remembers sauntering through those bright doors, insecure and making a faux-play at confidence all the while. Seeing that face, just for the first time. Nothing was brought on that first encounter, besides the fact that Katya, that was her name, made her feel so much more insecure due to her beauty.

I went out in the rain and then everything

changed,

They're spreading blankets on the beach.

Elimination was something that was inevitable, that was something Trixie learned much too early on. But there was always a sense of security in it; If she was going to make a fool of herself for national television, might as well make them feel as if her time was due. There's no comfort in a second, or sorry, 10th, place. But keeping up a false hope always seemed corny to her.

Yours was the first face that I saw,

I think I was blind before I met you.

In the midst of the controlled chaos, Brian saw far too much when he wasn't in the outfit that helped him shut it out. It started with jokes only they would laugh at in the workroom, vents and stresses. And then before he knew it, he packed his things and left. As Trixie was approaching the back of the main stage, ready to make the final impression, her eyes caught to Katya's. Only a shocked face was caked behind all the makeup, and Trixie couldn't blame her. There really were no hard feelings in it. It's all fine for now, no more stresses, no more vents, no more inside jokes. Dedragged the next day, Brian was emotionally empty, and he didnt know why. There were no bright white smiles in his life anymore, he guessed, and that would stay for a while. But a number placed in his makeup bag changed that; He'd just have to wait a little longer.

I don't know where I am, I don't know

where I've been,

But I,

Know where I want to go.

As the airing started, he was booked to the fucking max.

Booked to where he couldn't find a single empty space in his calendar.

And as much as it was comforting, it was draining, and he knew who to call just for that. So he did, a lot, almost every other day. Instead of waking up with headaches and sore feet and back, he got up, motivated, knowing at the end of all of this he'd get that call from Katya, who was coincidentally also Brian, (they had a good laugh at that). It ended his bad days, long shows and meet and greets with a smile, even if he was gross and made crude jokes just to get a laugh out of him at night.

And so I thought I'd let you know,

That these things take forever,

I especially am slow.

It was when he was staying with Katya, a few years after they had met. Best friends, beyond best. It's humorous looking back, seeing how frank and bold the situation, or Katya, was. It was a simple ask to fuck, and though Brian was tempted in the most disgusting way, he couldn't let what they have sink over an impulse. Laughs and no's, they carried on until the next encounters that got weird, and Brian just wanted to keep things in control. Thats just how he was.

But I realized that I need you,

and I wondered if I could

come home.

It was a bad night. Everyone had them, no one wants them, and no one wants to go through them alone. Grabby people, shouts of drunken people. It got to the point where he got heckled, fucking heckled on the street when he wasn't fully dedragged and he decided to just walk the small way home after changing his wig and heels. Random people threatening, chasing, him running, locking the door two times over and sitting on the couch with the only available weapon next to him. He was shaking violently, and the only person he wanted to call had no hope of response. But he called anyway, letting the rhythmic dial tones almost calm him until he heard a pause and a, "Hey, whats up?" amongst booming club music somewhere in the background. Explaining the situation was the last thing he wanted to do as it was fresh, but when Katya heard the shakiness in his voice, and the almost-crying panic, he had to.

And Katya helped.

So much.

I remember the time you drove all night,

Just to meet me in the morning.

And I thought it was strange, you said

everything changed.

You felt as if you just woke up.

It was no place any friend wanted to be in when your friend said they'd drive hours to your stupid apartment just to make sure you're okay. It's the ultimate guilt, ultimate "I'm okay, I swear. If you come up here I swear to god..". But if Brian was convinced Katya didn't have a followthrough with something, he wasn't now. Hours later, still wired with panic, his head shot up to a jingle of the front door trying to be opened, and then a knock. He couldn't feel his god damn skin he was so freaked out. But he knew the outcome of opening the door wouldn't be dangerous mere moments later when he remembered their conversation. With a shaky step, he unlocked his door, and opened. There stood Katya, with still a small fading black liner around his eyes. His grin shone brighter than the rising sun in his living room after no sleep.

"Thank you." He said, after Katya let himself in and promptly wrapped his arms around the taller man in a gentle hug. He couldn't not cry. He was dramatic, and even if there was no harm, his night- no, day, became so much better then.

And you said,

"This is the first day of my life,

I'm glad I didn't die before I met you.

But now I don't care, I could go anywhere

with you,

And I'd probably be happy."

Years pass after their encounters and soothing patterns on Brian's back just to get him to fall asleep. They're successful, and together so often Brian's feelings have almost stopped bubbling at the edge before they spill. There's always the reassurance, for both of them, that they're there for eachother no matter what. Being on tour together was another odd component of closeness, because unlike being near acquaintances, it didn't feel as if Brian was being suffocated or he was wearing thin with the constant interaction. It was easy, almost too easy to be with Katya.

So if you wanna be with me,

with these things there's no telling,

we just have to wait and see.

But I'd rather be working for a paycheck,

Than waiting to win the lottery.

"You do know we have separate rooms right.." Brian said with a light laugh afterwards. Katya was sprawled out horizontally on his bed, with Brian on his phone watching as Katya did the same and hummed to himself. He laughed and nodded, looking over to the other man. "It's no fun. And I'd be texting you from the other room anyway." Brian simply sighed, not out of annoyance or a need to be alone, just to fill the air because he was right. "Well can you at least sit on my bed like a normal person?... And not perform gymnastics for your Instagram stories?" Brian laughed harder as Katya's leg came up and peeked behind his head on the screen of his phone as he filmed. "Mama, this is a deep stretch rou-TINE!" As the laughter died down Katya let out a, "Y'know what, yeah." and got up to crawl over next to Brian in his bed. Brian smiled and rested his head on Katya's shoulder, just appreciating his company even if he's had an abundance of it over these months. He saw Katya position his camera to take a selfie of them both and Brian just laughed at the sheer cheesiness of it. Katya sported a grin next to the meek smiling Brian, and he captioned the story, '3 year anniversary with my beloved wife! Honeymoon bound.' along with the location of the major city they were in. Brian laughed, "Please send that to me."

Moments later, they were in a comfortable silence, and within minutes they were just cuddling together as Brian watched what Katya was doing on his phone out of sheer boredom. "I love you." Brian said as almost a small nothing now, and Katya smiled and said, "I know." Brian knew the response he'd give, and he was satisfied. "Cunt." He giggled, letting them both ease into a fit of laughs, with Katya looking at him earnestly only centimeters away. It always got to him how good Katya looked out of drag, made him almost as insecure as when he saw him in drag in the workroom the first day he saw his face. There didn't need to be any non-drag kisses to solidify whatever this was, which was a bit sad on his part, but his feelings were so strong sometimes he gets blinded. There truly was no appropriate way to show his appreciation. So there they were, staring mindlessly at eachother with a hint of a smile on both of their faces. "Can I kiss you?" Katya said as he always did. Brian of course chuckled and nodded, and it happened sincerely. Not heated, not masked. Eyes just slipped shut gently, just as gentle as the kiss. It was long, and it didn't change. Maybe the emotion he put in it will do for now, because he couldn't imagine finding words after they pulled apart. And he couldn't find any words. Just a strong tugging at his heart, not so much bitter as it was dying to be heard. But he didn't allow anything to become of it as he put his face back into the crook of Katya's neck and exhaled, closing his eyes and letting the sleep approach him slowly, and then all at once.

Besides, maybe this time is different

I mean, I really think you like me.

[x-useobwa-x]

༄ moonchild | 문차일드

Namjoon x Reader 

➺ Word count: 2.6k

╰You find yourself upset and sad, as you sit alone in the night thinking about where things have gone wrong, when a mysterious stranger appears..

a/n: Hey lovely readers! 💞 I'm back with something new.~ The idea for this little baby came to life while I listened to ‘moonchild’ (duhhh.. who would have thought 🙄). It’s based on the english lyrics of said song.✨ The beginning might feel a bit rushed, but that’s due to it not really being THAT relevant to the story, I hope its still okay, though >_< I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing this! 💓

Start reading!

⇣ ⇣ ⇣ ⇣ ⇣ ⇣

‘Y/n I’m sorry, but we can’t.. I can’t. You’ve been my best friend all these years, I just... I just can’t see you as a lover. I’m sorry, I think we should take a break for a while..’

You're staring down on your phone, reading the message over and over again, asking yourself how you could have been stupid enough to tell your best friend about your feelings.

Your body feels heavy under the weight of emotions.

Being at home feels so suffocating to you right now- it always does when you feel sad, hurt.

You always flee outside, drowning your feelings by taking in the night, sitting by the river close to your house. Honestly? That place is beautiful, which is probably the reason why you always go there when you’re not feeling alright. It’s a shame that not many people seem to know that place, but on the other hand, it’s a gift, because like that, you can be alone with your thoughts and tears.

Your feet slip into your shoes and your hand reaches for the keys, and gone you are. Quickly you walk down the stairs and swing open the door to escape into the night.

It takes you about ten minutes until your way finds the river, but when you arrive you can’t help the small smile that’s dancing along your lips. No matter how bad things are, coming here always heals a bit of what's been hurting within you. You take a deep breath of the fresh air and let yourself fall onto the grass, laying flat on your back. Gazing into the night sky, your eyes wander over the dozens of stars, the constellations and over the moon. Up high it stands and shines in all its glory.

’How beautiful’ you say to yourself as your thoughts find its way back to your best friend and small drops of tears start rolling down the side of your face, softly.

Why does love have to be such a painful thing? Or more, why did your heart have to choose your best friend?

You bring your hand up to your chest, resting it right over where your heart is, as if it would bring some sort of soothing to the pain. The wind is calmly playing with the blades of grass and you listen to the faint city noises, in the distance quiet footsteps.

„Why the sad face?“ a voice reaches out to you.

Caught off guard you quickly brace yourself on your elbows and shoot your head around, searching for the person behind the words that just reached your ears.

Your gaze falls on a tall guy that’s smiling down on you. Hastily you wipe away the tears from your cheeks and then you only blink in confusion.

„I’m sorry“ he laughs softly. „I didn’t mean to scare you.“

„It’s- uhm.. it’s okay.“ you mumble flabbergasted. „Can I help you?“ you add.

„Clearly, I should be the one asking. What is a girl doing outside alone at this time, and on top of that, why is said girl crying?“

What’s with him? You are so confused. Why does he care? He doesn’t even know you, so why?

Still quiet, you continue staring at him, dumbfounded.

A breathy laughter leaves the mans lungs. „May I?“ he asks as he points to the ground, indicating that he wants to sit down next to you. You nod in response.

„Beautiful night, isn’t it?“ Your head turns to face the scenery, however, his gaze is fixed on you, though, you come to realize that as you look back to where he sits.

„Yeah, absolutely.“ you say, sarcasm coating your tone in a thick layer.

„Can I guess?“ he asks carefully. Watching you as you nod your head, he goes on.

„Your heart got broken today, didn’t it?“

Your mouth falls open. How does he know? I mean, sure, you were crying, but that could have had many reasons.

„Uhm, how did you know?“

„I just did.“ he shrugs with a grin. „Your face, it’s telling me a story.“ There’s something about the way he looks at you, something about that calm smile his lips wear and something about the soft and genuine vibe his eyes radiate. Something that makes you feel that whatever you might say, he would just listen, that he wouldn’t judge, that he doesn’t mean any harm. Debating for a second, you come to the conclusion that you want to talk about it. What’s the worst that could happen? You’d get it off of your chest and on top of that, you might end up with some advice.

„You’re right. I got my heart broken. Actually, I got rejected.“ you say, a sigh leaving your mouth along with the words you speak.

„And so you went outside to cry, alone, at your secret place, hm?“ he’s slowly nodding as he answers, as if he’s analyzing what you said, finding his own -pretty accurate, what a clever dude- conclusion to why you’re here.

„That pretty much sums it up, yeah“ you say, lips a thin line, eyebrows raised.

„Are you sad?“

„What do you mean ,are you sad‘? You caught me crying, what to you think that was for?“ you shoot back at him which leads to him laughing out loud.

„You're right, you're right, my bad. So, what's the story behind your rejection? Who was it?“ the way he asks for what has happened is so sincere, you can immediately feel that he's not asking out of pity.

„Well. He is-, was, my best friend, we've been super close for many years, and things went just really good, and I developed feelings for him and I thought so did he, he really seemed like it. Turns out I was wrong and now, I quote ,we should take a break for a while‘. So, yeah. Pretty mainstream, the usual. Just... it's still so fresh. It hurts. I regret that I did it, my gut feeling told me it's wrong and still I did it and now I lost my best friend. It really, really hurts. Why did I do that? Am I out of my mind?“

„Let me stop you right there, moonchild.“

„Moonchild?“ you blink in confusion.

„Yeah. It seems like you like the night as much as I do, and I do not know your name, so I figured that's how I'll call you for now.“ he explains, clearly proud of what he came up with. There's a smile tugging at your lips as you listen to him explaining.

„So, you do have feelings for him, right?“

„Obviously, I'd say.“

„Then why do you regret telling him?“

„Because now I lost him as a friend and ruined what we had, it felt good to get it off my chest, of course but-”

„See! Thats exactly how you need to think. Positive. It felt good. Sometimes there is no sunshine without having felt the rain before. The rain might be cold and painful at times, but sometimes, we've got to dance in the rain, dance in the pain. Even if we know that things go wrong, that we will crash down, we gotta dance in the plane. It's okay to feel hurt and sad after getting rejected, of course. It's okay to shed the tears, but don't you tear yourself, don't regret things. Whatever you do, you do it for a reason.“

During his speech he began to lean in and to wildy gesture along with his hands as he spoke, which is why his face is now a lot closer to you, and you're now able to actually see it, see him. And honestly? You're not even surprised. He looks just like he behaves. Blonde hair thats been purposefully styled a bit messy, soft eyes, kind of hooded, what makes him look pretty mysterious. His lips are plump and his cheeks have a slight chubby touch. Suddenly a bit overexcited, deep dimples decorate his wide smile as he recognizes damn well that you're taking him in right now.

„You’re beautiful too.” he says sweetly. „I didn’t compliment you?” you respond while cocking an eyebrow. „You might not have said it, but you thought it.” Snorting a laughter, you’re hitting his shoulder. He leans back as he braces himself on his hands, legs crossed. He’s not wrong, though. He does indeed look very good.

„You know what? You’re right, I did think that you are handsome.” His smile disappears and his eyebrows shoot up. You clearly caught him off-guard with your bold response. Blinking in confusion a couple times, he seems like he’s processing what you just said. Seconds later, a genuine smile returns to his face and his features melt into the softest expression you’ve ever seen. „Thank you.” Even his voice is dripping honey as he appreciates your compliment with his whole heart. „Don’t you hear that a lot?” you question, his reaction stirring up some suspicion in you. He decides not to answer, only looking at you with a slight smile. You’re getting the hint and drop the topic.

„I wonder why I got rejected. You’re right, I shouldn’t regret anything if it comes to telling him, but still, I wonder why he doesn’t like me back the same way.”

„Who knows, he might just not be ready for something serious.” the guy says and shrugs. „I would like to know that reason, too.” You cock one eyebrow and lock eyes with him. It takes him a good minute of silence to figure out what he just said, but mimicking your bold move, he flat out speaks his mind. „It can’t be your looks or your personality, based off from what I’ve seen so far of course, if you ask me.” Seconds pass as you just stare at each other, and then the both of you rip apart the silence, filling it with laughter. You like this guy. You’re happy you went here tonight again. You’re happy you’ve met him. Right now, he’s good for your soul, good for your heart. The words he speaks, the energy he radiates, the soothing his deep but smooth voice causes, the smiles he gifts you -oh these smiles. Everything he’s done so far is making you feel better and you can’t even express how thankful you are for that.

„Look, I don’t know you, moonchild. But I think that he’ll regret it at some point. Your personality seems genuine and warm, and even if there is something to you that might be bad, that’s also okay. That’s who you are. You need to see yourself as something beautiful. For example, a rose. It’s beautiful and proud, and it radiates such strong power when you look at it. But if you want to have that beautiful thing, if you want to make it yours, you have to remember that the rose has thorns as well. You will get hurt if you touch them, but once you pass them, you get to the wonderful part that’s blooming majestically above all these thorns. To you or a lot of people, the thorns of your personality might be ugly, something they don’t want to be confronted with. But someone will be consoled by looking at your thorns, for sure.” His face is serious, his eyes piercing into your soul. You feel as if you’ve just lost the ability to breathe.

„Really, where are you taking all these advices from? What have you been through, that you can state such things?” you ask with a hint of admiration in your voice. „Let’s say I have been through a long process of finding myself and my worth, little one.” he answers with the smallest of smiles. „So. yeah, my little moonchild. Don’t cry, but shine.”

For a while there’s nothing but silence, and none of you is breaking the eye contact that’s been going on for a suspicious amount of time, seemingly lost in the eyes of the strangers that you both are to each other. However, he’s the one snapping out of it first, checking the time on his phone and then getting up. „I should get going.” he says while brushing over his pants to straighten them and remove any possible dirt. 

You feel the strong urge to meet him again. Everything he’s saying, everything he’s making you feel is out of this world for you; never has anyone done this to you, and you are sure that he doesn’t even know what an impact he’s having on you, approaching you as you were a complete stranger, and still feeling the need to cheer you up when he found you crying. Your mind is discussing back and forth with itself if you should ask him about it when the process gets interrupted by his hand on your head, softly caressing your hair.

„Take care, okay?” he smiles. His hand leaves your head and he turns around to find his way to wherever he’s going now, but your sudden decision to shoot your shot stops him before he could even start walking.

„Will I see you again, sometime, somewhere? Here maybe? If yes, when?” you murmur shyly as you watch him turning back around to face you. His eyes are searching the sky for a second, and then he’s looking back at you with an expression that could melt hearts, smiling ever so softly while pointing to the bright white planet thats shining in all its grace.

„When moon rises. That’s our time, little one.” he says and turns around, this time leaving. You’re so taken in by the guy that you don’t know why you’ve wasted the time you had with him talking over your best friend that rejected you. You know nothing about him, neither where he comes from, how old he is, what he likes, his hobbies, nor his name- his name! You at least want to know his name. You suddenly feel so empowered to ask, that you jump up on your feet and yell out - adrenaline at its best, always coming at the right time. „Your name! What’s your name?” you shout in his direction, silhouette still clearly visible. He swiftly turns around on one foot but keeps walking backwards, hands in his pockets.

„Namjoon. It’s Namjoon” he shouts back.

[crazylivingx]

me expressing my love for love yourself: answer

it’s only been 3 days into 2019 and i’ve been emo about love yourself: answer because i recently bought the album in korea and their lyricism makes me want to cry pls ignore this if you don’t wanna read about my feelings towards the solo songs released throughout the love yourself era because the pure genius and passion put into this project is truly astounding yalls pls love yourselves this is also really personal you’ve been warned (also apologies if i’ve made any grammatical errors lmao)

*i’m going by the ly: answer sequence

(as im writing this in my language and literature class my lecturer goes “my daughter loves bts” and cue my friend and i shouting the member’s names to guess his daughter’s bias and its jhope like wow we stan a jhope stan he said she thinks he “has such a blinding smile’ and thats honestly the biggest mood)

euphoria

this song is innocent af when i first heard it i knew it was a bopping bop the synths in the chorus can kick me to switzerland i barely even remember what the video was about all i remember is jungkook and that yellow jacket lmao his vocal runs when he sings “won’t you please stay in dreams” is just heavenly it honestly feels like i’m floating through the clouds with this song this song can convert people who don’t like good songs with synths bet i can’t imagine anyone other than jungkook singing this song tbh if you get an s.o. i hope you experience this song

favourite line (i know it’s not a singular line pls bear with me):

You’re the sun that rose again in my life

A reincarnation of my childhood dreams

I don’t know what these emotions are

Am I still dreaming?

This dream is a blue mirage in the desert

A priori deep inside of me

I’m so happy, I can’t breathe

My surroundings are getting more and more transparent

I hear the far-away ocean

Across the dream, over the horizon

I’m going to the place that’s getting clearer

Take my hands now

You are the cause of my euphoria

trivia 起 just dance

this whole song shows how much jhope loves dancing and it’s so sweet??? wanting to dance with your partner under the moonlight and slowly falling in love???? the song just screams jhope especially with the chorus you can just imAGiNe him dancing like he has no bones because he DoeSn’T,,,, it has a synthetic feel but it also feels really passionate and human like jhope can #getit we stan a multitalented man the lyrics in this song is probably the lightest but it’s still fun and easy to understand and listen to

favourite line (yea i know it’s like an entire verse but i love their lyrics okay):

In my muddy life

You were like a single stem flower

Even this suffocating studio

If we’re together, turns into paradise

My dreams that once had no answer

Now becomes something we can relate to

Because our rhythm is matching

Because we have our dance, it’s a fate-like beat

serendipity

i remember covering my screams when the mv for this song came out before dna was released and my mom instantly knew what was up lmao this song was kind of my style of music with the #chillvibes it gave out but the chill-ness of the song didn’t make forgettable i’ve played this song in the car before and now my dad can recognize it lol even khalid liked it you go you funky little chimchim,,, i never really paid attention to the lyrics in this song but it sounds really innocent and possessive at the same time lmao i’ll give bts the benefit of the doubt (i also prefer the short version over the full length version don’t kill me)

favourite line (at least these are lines. i know i said line not lines let me live):

As much as my heart flutters, I’m worried

Destiny is jealous of us

//

Since the creation of the universe

Everything was destined

Just let me love you

trivia 承 love

this song man. namjoon. the piano chords in the beginning is what gives me life. the moment i heard them i instantly knew this was going to be a fave. i love the slight discordance no matter what i will instantly start bopping to it because it’s such a bop that you HAVE to bop along with it. rm loves wordplay in his lyrics, and when it crosses with his intellect something beautiful emerges. this song feels like a flower i love the melody of chords like the chords sold me immediately. and then after i was sold the lyrics stabbed me. there is no escape.

favourite line (god where do i begin):

I live so I love

//

I'm just a human, human, human (the ㅁ in 사람 saram which means human)

You erode all my corners

And make me into love, love, love (becomes ㅇin 사랑 sarang which means love)

We're humans, humans, humans

In that myriad of straight lines

My love, love, love

When you sit on top of it and you become my heart (if the ㅇ the word 사랑 is squished, it’ll look like a heart ♡)

//

You make I to an O

I to an O

Because of you

I know why human (saram) and love (sarang) sound similar

You make live to a love

Live to a love

Because of you

I know why a person should live by love

//

It's a long way from I to U

Fuck, JKLMNOPQRST

I crossed all the letters and I reached you 

(i really suggest going to genius’s website to fully understand the song if you want to)

singularity

kim taehyung better square up because i would buy burger king and fight him in the parking lot because he stole my toenail,,,, bighit released this song while i was in hell aka university and bOY was i hshshshhshdhdh <— thats the best way i can describe my feelings,,, like he made my tears flow upwards or something the music video was aMAZING and i was shooketh ihatehimsmjkidontbutyouknowwhatimean back to the song - serendipity was also pretty chill but in a darker way and i love it as well. to me the lyrics mirror fake love because it portrays how walking on thin ice feels and how you’ll lose your own voice just to suffer to make sure the person you love will continue loving you (the lyrics are also really slow so it made it easy for me to read the lyrics in karaoke lmao) singularity was a goddamn package for me the mv, the performance and v himself just hshshshshs when i listen to this song i feel like i’m lying down on a giant leaf floating on a clear pond watching a dim but twinkling meteor shower with giant water flowers surrounding me and fireflies are swaying along with wisps of smoke and this is getting too long winded i’ll stop here as i’m writing this i just remembered namjoon wrote this song in one shot after having surgery what a mans

favourite line (its long but it doesn’t feel complete if i break it up):

A thick ice has formed

In the dream I shortly went into

My agonizing phantom pain is still the same

Have I lost myself

Or have I gained you

I suddenly run to the lake

There’s my face in it

Please don’t say anything

Reach my hand out to cover the mouth

But in the end, spring will come someday

The ice will melt and flow away

Tell me if my voice isn’t real

trivia 轉 seesaw

oh boy. suga. min yoongi. this has been said before but the use of seesaw as a metaphor for a dying/toxic relationship is truly artistic and clever. the way he describes it in his lyrics creates a really clear picture of what’s happening. how if one person gets off a seesaw the other will get hurt as they’ll start to fall to the ground, how neither wants to get off because they know they’ll hurt whoever’s on the other side, and how staying or leaving this “repeated seesaw game” will hurt the both of them no matter what choice they choose. i’ll let the lyrics speak for themselves. (suga singing and dancing was also a pleasant surprise i fell on the floor)

favourite line (get ready i’m about to put like 80% of the song in here the lyrics is a masterpiece):

Repeated seesaw game

I'm tired of this

Repeated seesaw game

We're getting tired of each other

Were the petty arguments the start?

The moment I became heavier than you

Because there's never been parallels in the first place

Maybe I became more greedy and tried to fit in with you

Is there really a need to keep repeating ourselves

Saying this was love and this is love?

They're tired of each other, they seem to hold the same hand

//

People can be so crafty

They know they’ll get hurt if one person is missing

Because we don't want to be the villains

In the midst of a series of vague responsibilities

And we get so tired or if that we finally became parallel

But we didn’t want this kind of parallel

At first, we showed off who was heavier

We'd brag and smile

Now we're trying to beat each other

We're in a competition

The fire of a quarrel

It’ll only end if someone gets off right here

We’re acting like we’re comforting each other

But it’s mixed with thorns

Can’t keep doing this, we need to make a decision

//

(Hol' up Hol' up) I walk on this seesaw without you

(Hol' up Hol' up) Just like the beginning when you weren't here

(Hol' up Hol' up) I walk on this seesaw without you

(Hol' up Hol' up) I'm getting off this seesaw without you

(like trivia 承 love, you can read more about the song on genius’s website)

epiphany

stream epiphany. our boy kim seokjin’s vocals have truly improved huh. this to me felt like a response to awake (you can fLY JIN) and i applaud bighit for giving him this song. he finally gets the recognition and lines he deserves smh. you really feel like a proud parent when you watch the fancams throughout the love yourself tour and hear how his voice improves after each performance. the song is also kind of the ‘final act’ to all the solos in ly: answer and they finally get to spread their message of “its hard to love yourself, but that’s why you should so you can love others as well”. after becoming the shell of what you once were, the only way you can fill it up again is to love yourself, and that’s my pov of the whole point of the song. i’m gonna be honest i wasn’t really into this song in the beginning but i started to fall in love with it after a few listens (i listened to it sm that when i was downloading the ly: answer album i forgot to add epiphany cause i was streaming it LMAO)

favourite line (i know they’re verses as well hshdhds):

I’m the one I should love in this world

Shining me, precious soul of mine

I finally realized so I love me

Not so perfect but so beautiful

I'm the one I should love

//

I may be a bit blunt, I may lack some things

I may not have that shy glow around me

But this is me

My arms, my legs, my heart, my soul

bonus song - answer: love myself

doing a pewdiepie and adding a bonus song lmao my first listen of this song was in my friend’s house and we had the lyrics on and let me tell you the moment we read the lyrics we wanted to hug bts because it was so soft and it was so uwu we were so ready to love ourselves lol yes it sounds like a church song but like epiphany i learned to love it too this was also my first song of 2019 so if you decide to, please listen to it with an open heart

favourite line (hey look actual lines this time yes lines not line):

Maybe I fell in order to take the place of those countless stars

The target of thousands of bright arrows is me alone

//

Why do you keep trying to hide under your mask?

Even all the scars from your mistakes make up your constellation

that’s all from me bye sorry for the long post

bighit pls hire me as an album promoter

[childofthenight2035]

Karaoke Night (Part 3) Final

A/N: omg joon is such a bias wrecker i love this concept soft shy joon is adorable

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x g!Reader

Summary/Prompt: Your best friend has never been great at singing during karaoke, until one night you discover that he can do something even better.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: None

-

“Are they together now, or something?”

“What the hell, when did that happen?”

“Aw, hell no, not Namjoon, man, I was so close.”

I narrowed my eyes to myself at the last comment straight from JK’s mouth. Talk about a player. He’d been flirting with me a lot recently, but I’d never found it difficult to refuse him. Not when my heart was with the boy I’d grown up with.

Namjoon tensed slightly when he heard JK speak, and I gripped his hand tighter, reassuring him that whatever happens, tonight nothing is going to take me away from you.

I waved to the man behind the counter and he smiled, calling out to an employee to take us to the room I’d booked. We entered, first Namjoon, then me, then the rest of them.

I pulled Namjoon to the most comfortable-looking armchair, which was big enough to seat both of us, albeit a little too close to each other. Namjoon finally pulled off his unzipped jacket and I distinctly heard one of the girls say, ‘holy shit’. I bit my lip to hide my smile. Everyone settled down as the employee took a mic and greeted us. He went through his procedure briefly.

“I think the first song of the night should go to the birthday girl, right?” He asked enthusiastically. I chuckled as everyone cheered. Namjoon grasped my hand and nodded. I stood up, straightening my shirt and took the mic from the employee.

“I’m sorry, but tonight is Random Play night,” he whispered to me. “Songs are selected by the machine, so…just pray you get one you know.”

I sighed deeply and nodded at him. He went behind the screen into a small room where his equipment was stored. I waited for a beat before hearing music.

The tune was a snappy one, and I thanked my lucky stars, because great, I know this song. I caught Namjoon’s grin once he recognized it and he started laughing, because he remembered how long I’d been singing this when it came out. Hey, what can I do, I’d said to him. It’s so catchy.

“You know just what to say, things that scare me, I should just walk away, but I can’t move my feet…” I sang out (horribly, too, because maybe I forgot to mention, I can’t sing that well), my eyes fixed on the screen displaying the lyrics, though I didn't really need them. “Something inside me’s changed, I was so much younger yesterday…”

By then everyone else had started clapping to the beat.

“I didn’t know that I was starving ‘til I tasted you, don’t need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo…” On an impulse, I turned to Namjoon and sang to him, his eyes going a bit wide and looking around quickly at the rest of them. I shook my head and pointed to myself, telling him to focus on me. He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees in mock attention. I smiled.

“You know just how to make, my heart beat faster, emotional earthquake, bring on disaster…” I couldn’t believe how accurate the lyrics were right now. I don’t know whether my face betrayed my emotions, but for some reason, Namjoon’s smile had faded, replaced with a look of confusion. “You hit me head on, got me weak in my knees, yeah something inside me’s changed, I was so much younger yesterday…hm…”

I avoided looking at him for the rest of the song and once I’d finished, everyone clapped. My eyes fell on my roommate and she was smirking broader than I’d ever seen. It’s lucky it’s dark, I thought, a Harry Potter quote popping into my head. I haven’t blushed so much since Madam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs.

I plopped down into my seat and Namjoon shifted uncomfortably.

“You did well,” he said quietly as a new song began to play and Tae jumped up to snatch the mic before JK could. I paid no attention to them.

“I did?” I asked. He nodded and I leaned against his shoulder. I felt his body tensing under the pressure and my hand found his, fingers intertwining. “Thank you for coming, Joon-ah,” I whispered. His thumb ran over my knuckles absentmindedly, choosing not to respond to what I said.

I don’t remember much else about who sang what for the rest of the night. I only remember the terrible duet that my roommate sang with her boyfriend and at one point, when JK was singing (boy can sing, damn), he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and beckoned for me to join him where the rest of his girlfriends were dancing. I shook my head and shooed him away, instead linking my arm with Namjoon’s. JK only glanced at Joon, shrugged and then waltzed away. Or grinded away, I should say.

The entire time, Joon and I were talking about all sorts of things, from previous birthdays to childhood memories to books to art, but carefully avoiding the concept of crushes. I barely realized the night was over.

“Let’s get the birthday girl on her feet again to wrap up tonight, shall we?” our faithful employee boomed. I sighed, rolling my eyes and stood up again. Once I’d planted my feet on the raised platform, I looked back at Joon and gestured for him to come up. He shook his head.

“Come on, Joon,” I spoke accidentally through the mic. “You haven’t sung anything all night.”

“It might not be a duet,” he countered, pointing at the screen.

“What does it matter?” I retorted. “Please, Joon, you’ve never passed up the chance to sing before.” I could hear the gears revolving in his head as he tried to decide, but finally, with a heavy groan, he stood up.

               I flashed a thumbs-up to the employee. The smooth strains of a song filled the room and I gasped in delight as I realized which song it was.

“Am I out of my head? Am I out of my mind? If you only knew the bad things I like,” I sang out confidently, earning a chuckle from my roommate. “Don't think that I can explain it, What can I say, it's complicated…”

               I hitched my breath as I suddenly remembered that the male part of this duet was a rap. Aw hell, I thought. What have I dragged Joon into? This is all my fault.

               I saw Namjoon gripping the mic tightly in both of his hands. The beat dropped.

               “Nothing's that bad, If it feels good, So you come back, Like I knew you would.”

               My mouth dropped open as I witnessed the scene unfolding in front of me. I stared at Namjoon as he let go of his insecurity and got down on that beat, like holy shit, this dude can RAP.

“And we're both wild, And the night's young. And you're my drug,

Breathe you in 'til my face numb, Drop it down to that bass drum

I got what you dream 'bout, Nails scratchin' my back tatt, Eyes closed while you scream out

And you keep me in with those hips, While my teeth sink in those lips

While your body's giving me life, And you suffocate in my kiss, Then you said-“

The room fell silent, hushed, listening to him. His voice wasn’t well suited to sing, but it was perfect for this.

               “I want you forever, Even when we're not together

               Scars on my body so I can take you wherever like

                I want you forever, Even when we're not together

               Scars on my body I can look at you whenever…”

                 I was too busy trying to wrap  my mind around this new discovery that I didn’t even realize it was my turn to sing. Joon smacked me on the head.

               “Oh crap, If you only knew the bad things I like, Don't think that I can explain it, What can I say, it's complicated,” I sang, dazed, struggling to get back in tune.

               “I can't explain it, I love the pain

                And I love the way your breath, Numbs me like novocaine…”

               My roommate stood up and whistled, I’m telling you, she whistled. Then hell broke loose, you could barely hear him rapping over the cheers of the girls and the boys’ impressed yells.

               “Let me paint the picture, Couch by the kitchen

                Nothin' but your heels on, Losin' our religion

               You're my pretty little vixen, And I'm the voice inside your head

               That keeps telling you to listen to all the bad things I say…”

               “Namjoon-ah,” I breathed.

                         “I want you forever even when we’re not together,” both of us sang at the bridge in the song. Namjoon’s hand reached out to grab my waist and he pulled me toward him. Whoa, where was this confidence coming from? “Scars on your body so I can take you forever…”

               “Am I out of my head, am I out of my mind? If you only knew the bad things I like…So good, that you can’t explain it, what can I say, it’s complicated…”

               The music died out and my friends all began cheering wildly and making a huge ruckus.

               In the middle of that disaster, we locked eyes.

               “Y/N…” he began, but I cut him off.

               “Namjoon-ah,” I whispered. “Just kiss me.”

               I didn’t need to ask twice. His lips melted against mine, moving smoothly, and I felt like I was in paradise. A warm tingling sensation coursed through my body as his hand found the back of my neck and gripped tightly, pulling me closer. My hands rested on his abdomen and I relished the firmness that was there.

               We broke apart, gasping a little, and I felt the stares of nine people on us, but I didn’t care. Right now, we were in our own little bubble and come what may, I wasn’t about to let anything break it.

               I vaguely heard my roommate letting out an exaggerated ‘yes!’ but all my senses were focused only on Namjoon.

               “How long?” He asked me quietly.

               “A damn long time,” I replied. “How long?”

               He blushed. “Forever.” He engulfed me in his arms and kissed my forehead. “Forever.”

 -

A/N: so thats the end of our little fic thanks for reading!

[skiasurveys]

if you could have sex with any celebrity right now, who would it be? well he aint a celeb but an youtuber since i dont like celebrities..so maybe markiplier? if you had to have sex with one of your best friends who would it be? all of em ;) ever fallen in love with a friend?  well they all start off as friends did you end up getting together or not? nobody specif i mean my current bf and i were friends for  little while before we officalized it but it wasnt like we were just friends. ive never dated anyone where we were friends for a while then started to date.

if yes, how did you end up together? if no, why not? ^

have you ever been the other woman? No. we all have that one song that gets us pumped, what’s yours? i hate these questions cus i forget every song i know have you ever been to prom? did you have a good time? well we dont have prom in canada, well where i live but we did have a grad dance but i didnt go. But how my grad worked was we all got to dress up in nice dresses/tuxs for the dinner. so thats what i did. don’t you just hate it when someone is a boring texter? yES. usually i try to make a conversation.if they dont add i just stop texting. ever let someone use you knowing they were using you? Yep how many people have you slept with (sexually not actually sleeping)? one. how many of them were you actually in love with? one ever taken someone’s virginity? No. would you ever want to be with a virgin? if no, why not? no actually lol favorite song lyrics? i have lots but im too tired to think of em. do you constantly find yourself internet stalking your ex? no but sometimes i check their fb but like once in a blue moon. i dont care. if yes, how many times a day on average do you find yourself doing this? like i said, once in a blue moon. usually if im thinkin about them or something but last tme i checked was months ago cus i saw he got a new gf and i wanted to see what she looked like. and no not to be a dick either. so like, what’s your zodiac sign? Sagittarius 

what’s your favorite item of clothing you have & why? eh, nothing really. im bored of my clothes atm im in a desperate need to shop.. do you have anything to hide? my emotions are you friends with any of your exes? eh. not really. my one ex who always talked to me stopped texting me, thak fucking god it was so annoying.

given the chance would you take any of your exes back? No. do you have an addiction? to what? my phone do you like being taken or single more & why? taken. its just who i am i guess. i just like knowing i have someone there who i can be myself with and have a romantic relationship with.

being loud & obnoxious is fun huh? nope. do you feel like you’re sorta split personality? half & half? not really. I am just myself with people im comfortable with and then i have my professional self with work.etc lol do you act like your own gender or more like the opposite sex? wtf.. do you have more friends of the same sex or opposite? its kind of half and half.

blunts, bowls or bongs? eh. i smoked weed like 5 times soo.. favorite sexual position? idk. the one where he puts his dick in me

3 traits your dream partner would have? funny, loyal, empathetic  do you really care what people think of you? Yes when you have a fight with your partner what do you do? usually get worried that they might leave me cus im an insecure piece of shit, but we havent had a really bad fight, theres just been times where he is a dick. holiday closest to your birthday? christmas. scenario time.. you have a wedgie in public, you… fill in the blank. go to the wash room and fix who does the grocery shopping in your house? mom

are your parents still together? if no, do you wish they were? they would be if my dad didn’t die. have any siblings you know of but don’t actually know personally? no

greatest fear? losing someone i love again and suffocation something most people fear that you do not fear at all? spiders don’t you hate getting nice & comfy & then having to pee? yea  what do you think of porn & the people who watch it? i mean whatever, watch whatever but i just hate people who think that alot of the things they do in porn is normal.  (like rape play, hardcore bdsm..etc) when your friends mention you in fb statuses & tweets do you get happy? yeah how much does it really take to get you mad? not that much. would you date someone that your parents & friends didn’t approve of? depends do you have any regrets? Yes. are you always the one to apologize even if it’s not your fault? Yes ever lost friends because of a certain guy or girl? nope. ever used a legit sex toy before? nah never bought one before. ever questioned your sexuality? not really ever thought you were pregnant? one time i didnt get my period at all and it was 3 weeks late and i took 3 test and i wasnt pregnant but i was still freaking out and then i lightly spotted for a week..and then i didnt get my period til he next month, that was scary. ever faked being pregnant? who does this favorite song at the moment?  nothing ever had a major surgery performed on you? one do you actually like school lunches? the ones in high school were actuallly good. do you think you’re a boring person? no but i can be do you think you’re more or less a good person? i think  im a good person which of the 7 deadly sins are you guilty of? envy ever made a survey & then taken it yourself? yeah i did once haha do you think it’s possible to dislike all music?  some people just dont like music i guess. i think theyre crazy. what’s one thing you think everyone has in common? we all have to breathe oxygen. do you believe that there’s actually good in EVERYONE? well we all start good but it all depends during the age development.. what’s one thing that bothers you that probably wouldn’t bother most people?  need to  have tv on a even number of sound level do you believe in forever? no how many relationships have you been in? 4 including the one i am in do you ever want to get married? why or why not? I do. Because i want to lol do you believe in divorce? well i mean some people just cant stay married.

is there a song you can’t listen to without thinking of someone? Yeah. do you think a lot of the surveys on here are too alike? sometimes they all ask the same question how are you feeling right now? decent do you like being called babe, baby, hunnie, etc? I do like baby/babe but only from my boyfriend have you ever thought etc was actually ect? no do you have any sort of ongoing health problem? i dont think so

ever lost someone close to you? Yes my dad died ever been hit by a motor vehicle? actually yeah. when i was 8 i was hit by a car on my way to school lol can you play a musical instrument? I cant do you wish you did? I wish i wouldve joined band tbh

are you able to speak fluently in more than one language? No. ever self harmed in any way? Yes. do you prefer longer or shorter surveys? Medium to long. what is one word you just cannot pronounce? specific  if you could look like any celebrity who would you look like? Hmmmmmmm ever wish you were of the opposite sex? No. don’t you just love fun people? i guess. i just hate people who ALWAYS wanna do shit especially when youre tired and they almost force you to go out. is there that one person who you just CAN NOT seem to get over? no one currently so what’s your dream job? animator someone you can’t see yourself being able to live without? My boyfriend best & most favorite video game (pc or console) ever?  hmmm. depends. I really love Kingdom Hearts 2, or even Elder scrolls online but My fav game ever is The Last of Us  would you ever tattoo someone’s name on you? maybe my dads name but not really when people sing happy birthday to you do you feel awkward or happy? It’s so awkward. favorite thing about being in a relationship? having someone be there for you..and cuddles and oh sex favorite thing about being single? the freedom i guess? not having to worry about someone else, or worry about getting texts back lol ad also you can kind of go out and not worry if youre flirting idk. I hate when im talking to another guy and im afraid im leading them on, especially when im not. ever been hurt by someone you thought would never hurt you? Yes. don’t you hate it when people in relationships act single? it annoys me. Like whats the point of hiding shit? so is your hair dyed? Yep. but fading back sex is really good isn’t it? It sure is ever had a friends with benefits? no do you like trains :)? uhmmm do you think you have a pretty good singing voice? Nope. how about dancing, are you a good dancer? I am white. is intelligence a turn on for you? It’s good. i hate stupid guys lol do you like to feel powerful & in charge? No capricorns are the best aren’t they? I don’t believe in astrology. <--- same are you afraid to stand out? just a little.