#but thats ehat life is
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i feel like im loosing my mind when did people collectively decide that ignoring known and established medical science and thousands upon thousands of well structured studies is progressive somehow
#yes this is about haes#how can you think its kind to tell people 'you cant change or improve your health so you should give up and live in denial'#instead of like. basic actions of veing supportive when they want to change#its not cruel to discuss fucking facts about the human body and health#if facts bother you so much that you have to delude yourself into believing pseudoscience then maybe you arent emotionally rl#ready to discuss it#yes! it will take stress and work#maybe you'll be uncomfortable#but thats ehat life is#thats what changing habits does#any kind of improvement tl your current situation#no matter what it is#is GOING to#by ita very nature#require discipline and leaving your comfort zone#that doesnt mean its bad for you#and believe it or not#things are multifaceted
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Hey babes, sorry I've been dead, but I coulda been literally dead if I had not gone.
I didn't hurt myself and we're still figuring things out. I would love to share but I've already forgotten what I've learned. I hope I get more guidance and time for healing and learning on how to lead my life in a better direction than where I was. But that takes time and effort.
I hope to get some rest, get some support, and get it together. But right now, I don't think it's healthy for me to worry about art in the way I do now. I may not express it here, but trying to maintain my art endeavors/projects while there's so much bullshit going on backstage is not helping me. Especially since I'm not even obligated to do so. But trying to force myself to do something I am currently unable to do will just make me feel worse. I'll follow my dreams and passions one day, but I've been putting off the healing process for years.
So I guess it's better to get better now so I can get the ball rolling again. Why drive on a flat tire?
#i was in there for a week and ill continue partial hospitalization for a few weeks#i hope i learn more and i hope i get specific help to my issues. because whay i learned there didnt directly pertain to me#but having structured daily life felt nice. but it wasnt all relaxing because there were still responisibilites on the outside world#tapping on the window or calling me on the phone. chose the best time for a meltdown. i have taxes and credit card bills to take care of#but if i stress about it now ill jsut be going back to the ER and thats no good. the hospital was so cold dude im glad im home with blankets#this is mr octopus again. im glad i broguh hom to work. i went straight to er from work and if i had no plushie with me#i probably would have stayed longer or be even more mentally unstable and distressed. its good to have comfort items#i dont think i want to know ehat if be like without some kind of companion or grounding item with me. i dont want to imagine me without em#its okay to have a little friend with you. i would be so distraught. everyone loved me there#the nurses the patients the residents yhe social workers the students#mr. octopus made them happy because of his big smile and mine too. the people there did not expect the mass amoutns of stress and depression#in this bubbly happy baby witb a happy pink octopus. one of the patients thought it was the meds the happy pills they gave me#no im jsut naturally like this. or artificially like this. i still dont know how to express or understand my feelings#if what im showing is real or not because i know ill be the happiest in the room wherever i go. maybe its a front or a mask#but when im like that kinda hard to know whats really underneath. they always ask me if im okay but i turn to myself#and its nondescript like ive put a blanket over how i really feel. its weird. the bubbly energy is blinding.#words#mr octopus#mental health#doodles
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*screaming on the top of my lungs* that’s not what Jesus would have wanted
(Venting in tags)
#this is in reference to my brother saying he doesn’t want a relationship with ME cause I’m gay and not living a righteous life#like oh you mean? me ? a sinner ? because I have a girlfriend and drink coffee??#as opposed to you#not a sinner#even though you cheated on your wife multiple times and assaulted me twice and someone else? and then kicked me out of your hous#when I was homeless in Idaho winter#because your wife was slightly uncomfortable with someone asleep on her couch? you#definitely righteous you#who should be in jail actually for some of the thing s you’ve done?#but no IM the sinner cause I don’t Believe In The True Church#and you’re the sinner because at least you pray and go to church. and Partake of the Lords Sacramrny#please forgive me for saying this but#THATS NOT EHAT JESUS WOULD SAY#SO ACTUALLY FUCK? YOU?#anyway I tore him a new one and now feel so good <3#I have to rant here or I’ll pass away#hi this is me#Tw#Tw rant#Tw abuse#vent#Tw vent#kicked me out after ONE night#fucjing unbelievable
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a fellow english major, really happy to see someone who's proud of their degree <3
you know that "no love, no matter how brief, is wasted" line? i think the same applies for knowledge too - no matter how useless it may seem, knowledge acquired is never in vain.
#honestly like. idk what your age is but when i was attending uni i kept getting told that i shouldve gone for IT. because the future#- and the money - is there.#now look at the IT companies. the whole thing is crumbling#not to mention the arrogance. that IT degree didnt make you immune to the same old scam tactics did it. how are your nfts doing btw#honestly i never really expected it myself that a humanities degree would prove useful in a daily life type of way#like. sure i knew it wasnt useless but still. its entirely different to experience it in real time yknow#and the whole new wave ''it isnt that deep'' trend is honestly pretty dangerous bc there usually IS something deeper.#a narrative an agenda a propaganda etc.... or simply just capitalist greed#so its needed to read between the lines and see what the point/intention really is#- and thats what literary and other art analysis is making you do! it makes you stop and think#this is all not even mentioning all the political historical and cultural stuff we learned about all the anglo-saxon countries#which all prove to be pretty useful in light of recent events......#so yeah. anyway. dont listen to all those who say its useless (and theres a lot of those even among the ones who chose this major too)#its clearly not. but even if it were it wouldnt matter ehat they think#(i do wish tho that i couldve attended it already on the right meds bc i feel like i forgot A Lot bc of my mental state at the time#but oh well. what can you do)#thank you for the ask it was really nice of you 💞💞💞#ask#anon
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It's so wild how much I relate to sanji....... it's why we have beef. It's like if I was a cat who saw myself in the mirror for the first time and started attacking
#like how he does solo missions to help in the background?#id be the same way#i KNOW ehat needs to be done but im not a leader and i wouldnt want to get others involved#his entire sibling trauma is an overly dramatic version of my own#hes sensitive and sweet and thoughtful but life beating him up has mad him have a bravado for protection#i was just watching an analysis video of him which msde me think about this#who i want go be like: zoro#who i am: sanji#i feel like thats something sanji struggles with too lol#wanting to be like zoro but hes just sanji#let me explsin bc i dont think sanji WANTS to be like Zoro#i think sanji sees zoro and gets angry bc if he was more like zoro then his childhood wouldn't have been the way it was#zoro effortlessly embodies all of sanjis insecurities about himself#(mental strength/effortless masculinity)#and sanji effortlessly embodies all of zoros insecurities#(physical strength/unguarded emotions... maybe even his ability to be comfortable around women in the way he is)#anyways#i love characters that mirror each other#theyre both each others goals in a sense#they want to strengthen within themselves what the other has naturally
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self esteem is soooo funny why am i feeling really good about myself purely because someone i find really cool complimented my shitty spam instagram account
#i mean its probably ogher things as well but thats ehat im pointing at#this is a positive post by the way!! like for real!!!!#ezra’s real life rambles
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Guys . Its Getting dire. I slightly need to Finish myself off (joking)
#me talking#CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES. This is my last resort#i for real cant live like this i wasnt made for this guys the autism is kiilling me#This foolishness has me googling schizophrenia symptoms i'm serious#THE DELUSIONAL AUTISTIC HAS FOUND A PATTERN IN THE MEDIA#i cant keep living vicariously. and carrying. I need to live. Please set me free I can't breathe like this#imagine having no content for yourw hyperfixation#Im not joking like zero content#Im not even saying like “ohh theres like 100 fics on ao3 thats not a lot :(”#im saying like quite literally zero#Nothing#I feel like im in a padded cell#In a straitjacket#I feel like i have no mouthbut i must scream#its like torture#psychological punishment so bad it should be a war crime#I feel like ehat im being put through should be against the Geneva Conventions#It hurts every day#Sorry#Complaining
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I feel like no matter what i will always give someone the benefit of the doubt. I will always think "what if they had a good reason?" It is something so baffling to me that people would assume that someone is being a piece of shit first before they considered if they had a valid excuse.
#im thinking about things#theres some stuff that im seeing in soecific spaces that are just like 'this person is weird and crazy anf doing all of this for attention'#but what if they actually are experiencing something mental that have pushed them to act this way#idk i just#its all about mental health stuff lol#what if that woman whos upset in public is having a meltdown?#what if that person who is doing something you think is weird is actually just autistic#what if that oerson wasnt being rude. ehat if thats just how they talk#what if people had good reasons for what they do. what if people deserve a chance to explain themselves.#what if you didnt judge a stranger based on some out of context assumption about their life#.txt
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its literally like the library of alexandria like if i dont start pirsting movies now my beautoful twins (who i might homeschool) will have No good movies to watch on family movie night. it would be catastrophic
#btw yes in my fantasies of my life as a mother of my 2 beautoful twin children we do have family movie#/game night... itisnt forced on them but its like yk. i think itd be nice to do family activities together#and id let everybody pick 1 game/movie and we would do that.. and for their birthdays they get extra picks :]] itll be awesome#but yas. id be sxtra extra careful to make sure i wasnt like forcing them into it if they didnt want to bc well the poinr of family game#night is to have fun with yr family. and if theyre being forced into it thats not fun at all its against thepoint#yk. so yas... a glimpse into my beautiful world#i am a girl with aphantasia so all of my fantasies r incredibly like. logistics based. its all words in here#what will my beautoful twins look like Never ask me that again. ill love them no matter ehat they look like they will be my everything ..#even if they arent twins. i do rly want twins and if not twins i at least want them 2 be close in age.. bc i think having a sibling close#in age 2 u is rly rly importsbt..#also as soon as theyre able to dress themselves id let them pick out their outfits. bc i thjnk its rly rly cute seeing how toddlers express#themslefes.. irs like one of my favorite things
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I will forever be pissed that they gave kiryu an actual love story (the first and only time they actually gave him a proper love story instead of just confessing his love very quickly before the girl succumbs to her injuries) and then retconned his love interest out of the other games like WHY WPUDL YOU DO THAT.
#Yakuza HATEblog#like they motherfucking took her away from me#just because shes a cop ???? they didnt even bring her back for dead souls#like what difference would it have made if they replaced that lady soldier with sayama it would have been the exact same#especially the ‘ive handled guns for longer than you’ line where she fucking shot between her allies to hit the zombies like first of all if#you truly knew about gun safety you wouldnt have done that but what do i know maybe thats just how military dogs are#yeah ehats the difference between a pig and a dog they can both be your best friend#ryuji met his little sister once before she completely dissapleared forever#like what the FUCKKKKKKK BRING HER BACK#SHES THE ONLY WOMAN THAT KIRYU HAS EVER LOVED SHES MY ONLY EVIDENCE FOR BISEXUAL KIRYU PLEASE ....#kiryus like dont call me gay boy call me bisexual boy so that ladies know to hit on me#kiryu doesnt even realise that he himself is bisexual because he keeps falling for men and having sex with girls like sayama is the first#girl hes ever fallen in love with and they took away his gf like they took away pacmans wife fml fuck everything#idc if he actually lover yumi or not but he loved sayama and they just made us forget about her because she wasnt real#she was real to me. they were real to me. but then again i am a real poser#because if people actually cared about kiryu and sayama rhen i wouldnt have to defend her with my life#its only because people hate her that im saying anything
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This
#reminds me of the one time when there were two guys comming to talk to us during one lesson i guess as experts from field haha#and one asked us why exactly are you here today#and one girl told him attendence was mandatory#and all of us were like yeah girl tell him the truth!#the whole course was really weird and awful but compulsory unfortunately#and multiple people like form field came throughout the semester#and i genuinely didn't know anything about any of them and they never ever did any intro like we are x currently working as y in z#and this is why we came here today#like no just poeple eho thought we like know ehat they're talking about but we had no idea#the whole course was just awful#yeah thats for storytime lol#uni life#uni#uni problems#storytime
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I just saw a take that gave me an unholy amount of violent anger for a whole second before i turned off my screen
#🪐.txt#do you knoe ehat the worst kind of take is? the one that unknowingly disrespect thr character#their motivation. life and everything their stand for#gosh those make me so angry#rationally i know that each has their own interpretation and this is prob a case of the person projecting and thats fine and all of that#but i for real wanted- just for a second- punch my screen
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Just screenshoting instead of reblogging but here's the example they give:
And they're both fine! You can space stuff out if you want to but you can keep it a paragraph, it's FINE. I prefer the paragraph becuz I think the second one feels too disconnected, all the spaces are annoying to me, just as the paragraph was annoying to the op. DONT LISTEN TO THEM GUYS just write however you want, it isn't necessarily easier to read, it doesn't Hit Harder!!!!! Also they changed the text so it isn't even a fair comparison!! That italicized snip at the end kinda rules, if they put it as a single line below the paragraph they'd both hit the same, tho the prose would be more for a novel and the second more for a screenplay or whatever. BOGUS. I'm a paragraph lover for LIFE !!! The TRUE problem with this story is that the writing just isn't very good in general. LIKE what's up with that Grotesque run-on sentence in the beginning, YUCK. You arent exactly qualified to give great critiques of writing structure as a whole when you use that many ellipsis and dashes in a single paragraph. Sorry.
#ehat does 'he melted the freezer aisle in fear' even mean. thats Nothing!!!!#sorry for turning evil abt this grammar is one of my favorite things ever#i cant stand ppl who say their artistic style is the Greatest Most Superior Style Ever even in writing. ESPECIALLY in writing#prose lover 4 life#do NOT come at me with that excessive line break shit
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more art fight except this time I'm sleepy @specialcontainmentdatabase
#im already looking at ehat id do differently but thats fine#such is the life of an artist i guess#star confetti...
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Truly fascinating how easy it is to feel human again after being done with exams.
#exams#exam stress#ehat do you mean i was just stressed#now i can be stressed about a new thing#it never ends thats what life is all about whoop whoop
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(Content warning for eating disorder mention)
The most fucked up thing I've learned about recently, when I really sat down to think of it, is how fat people with eating disorders are treated. When a person is very thin and has the behaviors we associate with anorexia we would know that telling them they're too fat for treatment is just. Fucking evil, it's an evil thing to do to someone, but that's exactly what people with "atypical" anorexia face if they seek treatment and the atypical part in my understanding is just being larger than the BMI "regular" anorexia has to qualify for having the disorder.
Like instead of using the same fucking term we decided fat people with eating disorders were built wrong somehow and thus need a Special Term™️ rather than defining eating disorders around the behaviors associated with them, not the body type of those who suffer from them. Just thinking about the way even thinner people who aren't thin enough trying to get treatment and being told they're too healthy or too fat for it makes my blood boil with rage when we would never treat someone who's eating disorder shows up strongly on their frame this way because we'd immediately recognize how disgusting that is.
#winters ramblings#yall gotta check out the podcast maintenance phase and also aubry gordons books#but like the one ep they did they had a guest on whi had an ED at two different points in her life and the second time#she was not extremely thin. she got told when she sought treatment to look at herself and look at everyone else#and then the person asked WHY she was there. SHE ALREADY HAD AN ED. SHE KNEW WHAT SHE WAS EXPERIENCING#how FUCKING DISGUSTING do you have to be to tell someone who just told you they have an EATING DISORDER#to LOOK AROUND BC CLEARLY THEYRE TOO FUCKING FAT FOR TREATMENT. amd what of people who JUST got an ED??#ehat do they have to be on deaths door for you to give a shit?? fuck you thats horrific and cruel and a lot of other words i dont have#like thats just EVIL man. fuckin EVIL and im not much one for believing in evil the way we concenceptualize it#but like holy fucking SHIT how else do you look at something like that??!? why the FUCK would you EVER say#something like that so someone who is TELLING you theyre sick?? and you say NO YOURE NOT??#like the person MP had on had ALREADY been treated for an ED. she KNEW what was happening to her#and this ALLEGED professional reacted like that lioe fucking congrats on potentially making someone WAY SICKER#like i just cant get over that id have LOST IT on that fucking twit at the treatment center. the whole block would have been aware#of what i thought and wjere i wanted that person to go what to do whaen they get there and where to go after that too#like !!!! what the fuck!!!! like if youre willing to let sick people get SICKER just to prove their sickness to you before you treat them#you have NO BUSINESS being in the medial or mental health professions. acting like that you might as well be a cop#like yes i also know that several drs did this exact thing to me but with depression and thats why it hits a nerve#BUT I DONT THINK I NEED THAT SHITTY TREATMENT FROM DRS TO KNOW HOW FUCKED UP IT IS#TO TELL SOMEONE WITH AN ED THAT THEYRE TOO HEALTHY OR NOT THIN ENOUGH FOR TREATMENT#like are you TRYING to make them WORSE??!? how DARE you!!
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