#but that's what happens if you ask me about saezuru

[corfisers]

Your post abt # instances of yashiro perceived rejection Vs # of times where yashiro says "don't look/stop looking at me/look elsewhere".

Which one is more recurring, in your opinion?

rejection, i think. that's the short and simple answer. i didn't go through the entirety of saezuru again to do the math, this is just based on what i remember and only counting rejection from doumeki, which i assume is what you are asking about

aaand under read more is the unreasonably long answer and tangential blabbering on the topic that nobody asked for

initially i was going to reply differently. the thing is, "don't look at me" moments jump out more because they are unique to his relationship with doumeki (which is what both the story and the readers tend to focus on the most) and it's yashiro actually having a reaction and vocalizing his feelings. an uncharacteristically strong and sincere reaction in some cases. there's irony to it too, because one of the first things yashiro notices about doumeki is that he has nice eyes. he likes how he "looks down on him", at least while he can still pretend that that's what's going on (we all know doumeki never actually had any contempt for him at the start, misumi notices how smitten he is back in the first chapter, everyone else quickly figures out what's up as well. yashiro just assumed the worst and tried to project kageyama onto doumeki, and he recognizes and admits it later). he's fine with doumeki watching him have sex with other men or masturbate, but the moment he's looking at him when he's vulnerable or can't keep up the facade, he can't handle it. he doesn't want to be perceived, it's scary and unfamiliar, nobody looked at him the same way doumeki does. the intensity of yashiro's reactions to it and how significant those moments are go hand in hand with the overall progression of their relationship, and it all eventually leads to the worst one out of all of them: yashiro crying and telling doumeki not to look, just like aoi did. that one hurts, that one sticks with you, that's the one doumeki thinks back on

rejection, on the other hand, is quiet. there's no strong reaction, all you get in most cases is a slight change in yashiro's facial expression and some internal monologue. some of those moments don't stick out as much, they aren't as memorable or noticeable (chapter 23 is an obvious exception, but that's a whole separate conversation and i'm not counting it here). rejection is something he's used to and has been dealing with since childhood. first his mother, then kageyama. repeatedly. and there's some comfort in being rejected and left behind, even relief. i'm projecting a bit and speaking from personal experience, but after a certain point it does feel easier to simply give up on things, assume the worst in every situation and just be alone. can't be disappointed if you didn't expect anything in the first place. yashiro liked the fact that doumeki was impotent for a reason

it's not just with doumeki either. yashiro often talks about how much people probably hate him or how disgusted they are. in some cases he's right, hirata exists after all. in others he's completely wrong, like with ryuzaki. not that the bastard made his feelings obvious at any point (the nicest thing that yashiro actually knows of was that damn washcloth), but both doumeki and nanahara managed to notice, so there's that. either way, there's some form of rejection, assumed or otherwise, throughout the entire story, from different characters, to varying degrees, but it's not as... loud, i guess? as "don't look at me" moments. it also often gets overshadowed by doumeki's feelings and how he deals with being rejected, at least to me, but again, that's a whole other conversation

all that to say, if you go through each chapter and actually count, i think you'd get more instances of rejection, they are just more subtle. it's the norm, it's the unfortunate reality that you get accustomed to, especially if you happen to be Not Straight and exist in a predominantly cishet space with a bunch of homophobic men in it. there's not much else you can do aside from learning to be hated and rejected and looked down upon and continuing living despite it. meeting someone who actually wants to be with you, who sees you as person and not an object, after all these years of suffering and resignation and plain surviving, is scary and disorienting. i think the ways yashiro deals with being perceived vs being rejected reflects this experience, but again, i might be projecting

anyways, if you somehow got through all this - thank you for coming to my ted talk, hopefully you found at least some of this interesting or entertaining and didn't just waste your time!

[cosmicjoke]

Man, okay, chapter 58 of "Saezuru", and this one was a doozy.

As usual, the Yakuza plot is super complex and involved, and I think I'm going to have to go back over previous chapters to make heads or tails of it. So I'll just focus on Yashiro and Doumeki, and in turn, Misumi and Tsunakawa for now.

So the cat's just out of the bag with Misumi finding out about Yashiro's involvement with Doumeki (though it seems clear to me that he isn't really aware of their sexual relations at this point, and I dread to find out what his reaction will be if he does find that out). What I didn't expect here was for Tsunakawa to basically start shit by telling Misumi about Doumeki, seemingly just to see what his reaction would be. But clearly, there's some deeper agenda at play. I think he's trying to gauge just how involved with Yashiro Doumeki is, and seeing Misumi's over the top reaction to finding out that he essentially sent Yashiro to the same place Doumeki was is going to give Tsunakawa a pretty good idea. He's going to know from Misumi's reaction that Yashiro and Doumeki aren't just "friends" or associates, or working together on business. Misumi is obviously pissed, but I think he'll be a lot MORE pissed if he finds out that Doumeki's been going to Yashiro for, it seems, the last two weeks, every time he has a moment to (and I'll get into that in a bit here). I've said before that Misumi's possessiveness of Yashiro would cause him to be particularly unhappy if he were to find out Doumeki is back in Yashiro's life, because I think he sees Doumeki as a threat to his hold on Yashiro. Also just to add, Misumi saying "That fucker hid it from me", with regards to Yashiro, also seems to convey just how pissed Misumi clearly is.

I also found Tsunakawa's comment about Yashiro seemingly having it good, and Misumi's response to that really interesting. Misumi says "Is that how you see it?", which implies to me that Misumi is aware that he basically keeps Yashiro in a kind of prison. That he may appear to have the freedom to move about and do what he wants, but the reality is, he's been under Misumi's control and thumb for over 20 years at this point. He isn't free at all, actually.

And okay, so... I don't know what the heck Doumeki is doing or thinking at this point. The fact he's been going to Yashiro over and over, for the last few weeks, having sex with him and then leaving, all the while clearly driving home to Yashiro the message that he doesn't have any feelings for him any longer and is just using him for sex... I can't imagine the toll this is taking on Yashiro mentally, and I can't imagine what it is Doumeki is trying to accomplish with this, other than keeping Yashiro in traction and basically trapped. I'm just going to flat out say I don't like it, and I think Doumeki is doing Yashiro a lot of harm at this point. He needs to quit pretending he doesn't care, and I think in order to do that, Doumeki is just going to have to face his own fears of losing Yashiro and accept whatever happens. I spoke before about how Doumeki is trying to control Yashiro, to keep him from running away, and a lot of that is rooted in a possessiveness that, frankly, he has no right to. Again and again throughout his life, Yashiro has been treated like an object and a possession by other men, and I see Doumeki doing the same to him now, and it really sucks. He's fucking with Yashiro's head, whether intentional or not, and given Yashiro's mental problems, I think it's wrong and potentially irrevocably damaging to him.

I think Yashiro's agitation toward Kageyama is sort of indicative of his growing despair, too. Kuga comes in and starts questioning him about Doumeki, and just Kuga being there, with Kage, is serving as yet another reminder of Yashiro's own isolation and loneliness. He gave Kuga to Kage, basically, set them up together, and then Kage has the gall to ask Yashiro here if he's alright, and then bring up to him his feelings for Doumeki. Given their history together, and his own obliviousness to Yashiro's feelings, that must seem particularly insulting and like rubbing salt into the wound for Yashiro. Kage also badgering Yashiro to "get out already" of the Yakuza, as if it's that easy, all while remaining blissfully unaware that Yashiro is only in the Yakuza to begin with because of Kage and the sacrifice Yashiro made to save his friends life and career... yeah, I was feeling pretty pissed at Kage and his usual, shitty ignorance this chapter.

The final images, of the rain starting to come down, and Yashrio remembering his exchange with Doumeki before the time skip, asking him what falling in love feels like for him... well, this is what falling in love feels like for Yashiro. Constant rejection and loss. First with Kage, and now, seemingly, with Doumeki. That last time it was raining, Yashiro seemed to lose Doumeki, after watching him be shot and fall under Hirata's gun. And shortly thereafter, he let Doumeki go, casting him out of his life for both their sakes.

That we see him walking alone in the rain here seems to symbolize his eternal loneliness, the way he's fated to forever love and not be loved in return. The second to last panel, showing Yashiro's pained expression, his teeth gritting together, and his words "Spare me, really,", seems like a plea to the universe to stop tormenting him like this.

How much pain can one person take?

Anyway, these are just my initial impressions after one read through. This was a really dense chapter with a lot going on, so I may have gotten everything wrong, lol. I'm going to go back and read it again, more slowly this time, and if I have any additional thoughts, I'll add them.

Just an additional note. Yashiro replying "No, not really," to Kage's question of whether he intends to quit the Yakuza also seems indicative to me of Yashiro's general feelings of despondency. At the beginning of the time skip, Yashiro seems almost intent on getting out, making real moves toward that end, trying to make enough money to basically buy himself out. But now he's saying he's not even really intending on quitting. I feel like, given what's going on between him and Doumeki, Yashiro is started to feel hopeless, and his resignation to his position in life, despite the misery he's always felt being trapped in that world, seems like an extension of that.

[saezurusteve]

Thank you so much to all the saezuru steves for chapter 52 ( and all your hard work)!

In chapter 52, when Yashiro calls out Doumeki's name. He says "Chi.... Dou...me...ki". I am freaking out because was he gonna call out doumeki by his first name "Chikara" ???

In the japanese raws, is it clear which first syllable he said first ? Thank you !

I would love to think that because just moments ago he was thinking about Doumeki and the host club mama and how she called him "Chikara" in front of everyone. I'm sure that if Yashiro had gone ahead and said "Chikara" in this moment, with that face, then the chapter would be over, the series would be over, and we would be over, because Doumeki wouldn't allow us to see what was going to happen next because the man he loves just outright called out his name.

To be realistic it was probably just a little moan because Doumeki was being a little excessive with his fingers and Yashiro (as we now know from the new chapter (SPOILER) would love for Doumeki to be a lot more G__TLE right about now.

Quite possibly, Yashiro could also have been about to say "chigau" because Doumeki had asked him if he really wanted him to stop to which Yashiro would have not necessarily said "No" but that he just wanted to do it differently. But in the absence of some Yashiro introspection (not exactly a good time for it, but heck he's done it before) we went with the simple "chi" because it works as a moan and Doumeki's name and who are we to force ourselves on Yashiro? That's Doumeki's job!

But to be accurate, Yashiro does say "Chi" in hiragana, because Chikara is one kanji so it would have to be broken up using hiragana. The Japanese raw has Yashiro actually saying "....Dou me ki" in hiragana as well, so yeah.... it could be possible that Yashiro was about to get intimate and destroy us all. Boy did we dodge a bullet!!

[swallowerofdharma]

Three things in Saezuru you won’t change my mind about

1) What happens between Doumeki and Yashiro in chapters 23-25 is entirely non-consensual

I can’t see how it is still up to interpretation. Even not taking into consideration the physical and mental state Yashiro is in - the guy went into a brief dissociative fugue, loosing sight of his surroundings and awareness of what he was doing. He was able to express himself coherently enough soon after and answers Doumeki’s questions, but all his answers were a clear indication of his state of internal struggle and inability to reconcile new feelings with the reality of the situation at hand. I already talked about the situation that follows in another analysis where I focused on Yashiro’s mindset and how his past experiences prevented him from being able to fight back more effectively. But I still see doubts about it and I thought I will give another analysis in more explicit terms.

I don’t think that a honest recognition of the non-consensual nature of what is happening - recognizing that Doumeki doesn’t want to pick up on all the ways Yashiro expresses his distress and asks him to stop, having already decided that it’s “now or never” - I don’t feel that admitting that Doumeki is deliberately making the decision to push and not to stop means that we want to demonstrate his “evil nature”: but it is indicative of his immature disregard for explicit consent and freely given reciprocation nonetheless. And he is the one to draw the same conclusion himself: he doesn’t want to stop when Yashiro doesn’t give him his consent, and he says out loud “I am like my father after all”. Yashiro being willing to take the blame instead: “You are so pure, it’s my fault (I have corrupted you)” - is just in character, but it isn’t the truth, just like Doumeki isn’t really like his father, knowing how his father premeditated the situation to have access, power and authority over such a young person - his daughter. It isn’t true that Doumeki is in the same category as his father, but it also isn’t true that Yashiro is responsible for Doumeki’s inability to hold back and keep himself from taking advantage of him, and the fact that Yashiro is a sex addict doesn’t automatically spare people from their responsibility to stop when asked to or not put Yashiro in a position of so much disempowerment, while feeling guilt and feeling genuine affection (he consoles Doumeki twice when the latter is distressed) so much so that he isn’t able to reaffirm his lack of consent in the end.

I have seen people pointing to the scene where Doumeki asks again before the actual penetration (after many times he continued after being told to stop, from the moment Yashiro asked him to stop and Doumeki instead took his clothes off), they said that Yashiro doesn’t say no and raises his hips. I don’t know how you would interpret that as consent, when in fact that is submission. The difference between giving consent and reciprocating vs submitting in silence because there wasn’t really a choice is huge for me. And again, I am considering the mental state of both people and I know Doumeki isn’t being cruel on purpose, but you must see how Doumeki himself understands that Yashiro hasn’t really consented, because he turns him around, looking at his expression and he apologizes.

chapter 24: Doumeki expresses his wish out loud, and to this Yashiro explicitly answers, asking him in no ambiguous terms to stop.

Doumeki keeps pushing, undressing and kissing Yashiro, who asks him to stop again.

chapter 25: Doumeki asks for Yashiro’s consent again. It is significant that he pauses here again, this time there will be penetration with male genitalia: an act that is broadly and unequivocally recognized, and can’t be written off as foreplay.

To Doumeki’s request for verbal consent, Yashiro responds by pushing down his face and raising his hips: not consent but submission. This is double painful because he gives up protesting or resisting his own desires, but his physical desires have never been something Yashiro knew to trust. This isn’t by any means what Yashiro wanted.

Can you rape the person you love, can you rape a grown up man who is your superior in the yakuza, can you rape a sex addict? I hope you understand that the answer to those questions is yes, you can, yes, it’s rape when one person didn’t consent. Even when the law doesn’t say it, maybe because of that it was even more important for Doumeki to understand why Yashiro insisted on say no to him and not to others. Yashiro now experiences a different set of trauma responses. It hurts differently, harder, because of his emotional investment in Doumeki. In the story Doumeki’s decision to continue and have sex with Yashiro wasn’t rewarded: Yashiro kept his word and fired him. And when that didn’t work either he made it impossible for Doumeki to come back like nothing happened. It doesn’t mean that Yashiro was punishing Doumeki, but he was protecting himself.

2) Yashiro didn’t have amnesia

I was so surprised to see that people believed Yashiro’s lie, or questioned if maybe he did forget about Doumeki, when it was immediately framed as a lie in the conversation between Nanahara and Sugimoto and between Nanahara and Doumeki. Maybe one needs to be aware of the particular way of talking indirectly that Japanese people love so much, it’s also part of culture and hierarchy: Yashiro is Nanahara’s superior, it isn’t Nanahara’s place to undermine or question his statements. He can do it with someone who is closer to him in the hierarchy like his aniki Sugimoto, but privately and between them, but he can only so much as communicate to Doumeki what Yashiro said and not openly confirm or deny the truth about his words.

So maybe chapter 40 confused people. After Yashiro dreams about Doumeki, he wakes up and we learn that it isn’t the first time he’s had this dream. Yet Doumeki’s face isn’t in focus, I don’t think that to be something particularly foreign to anyone who has ever remembered dreams. It’s been four years without contact, and I doubt that Yashiro has photos around. It’s perfectly normal to have trouble remembering the exact features of a face. It is especially normal for people who suffer from PTSD by the way, and Yoneda seems to know a number of things about it. Memory is affected deeply. Images from the past will be perfectly focused on some details in some cases, but other things will be more confused, especially when remembering Doumeki’s face will bring back troubling emotional memories, will bring back Doumeki’s subtle expression from Yashiro’s unique point of view (different from looking at a photo and remembering Doumeki’s face that way). I don’t know how readers can doubt that Yashiro made the decision to distance himself from Doumeki for any reason other than the fact that he fell in love with him: Kageyama, Nanahara and Sugimoto all commented on it.

So four years after seeing him in the hospital, Yashiro is starting to have trouble remembering the details of Doumeki’s face. But he recognizes him immediately in person, and Doumeki remarks on the fact that regardless his claim of having selective amnesia Yashiro demonstrates that he knows perfectly well who Doumeki is. At the beginning of chapter 48, Doumeki is very upset that he found Yashiro and Inami together and he lets the fact that he hasn’t forgotten about how Yashiro left him behind slip: he still is afraid of that happening. Yashiro here admits to himself that he hasn’t been thinking about it, but because he realizes that Doumeki might be resentful and angry because of that, not because he didn’t actually remember. He hadn’t focused his memories on those later moments. So interesting treatment of the way the mind operates, but not amnesia.

3) The words at the beginning of chapter 56 are Doumeki’s.

I think that this is an easy one for most people and that it has been clarified already. Moreover once the drama cd will be released for this part any residual doubt would be put to rest. But I thought I would share how I looked at it. There are a number of conventions that you can use in manga and one should look not only at the tone of the words - who is likely to speak that way or more formally and so on - but also the position of the words on the page and in relation to how the characters are framed.

If you notice, you have the demonstrative determiner “This person” right beside Yashiro, who is framed from Doumeki’s point of view. This is all that Yoneda needs to give unequivocal visual confirmation of who is speaking (subject/Doumeki) about who (object/Yashiro). In the economy of the page, you had:

1) Extreme close-up of Doumeki’s gloved hand holding the cigarette: he is the one thinking the words we are reading.

2) Bird's-eye view of the part of the room where the characters are and their position in relation to each other.

3) Mid-shot of Doumeki from Yashiro’s point of view. Doumeki occupies the prominent position in the page.

4) Close-Up of Yashiro from Doumeki’s point of view. (High-angle).

And if you go back to the chapter cover, although the title won’t be in the tankōbon, I’d like to point out that these are still Doumeki’s words. I have seen that the prevailing assumption is that the person represented in the cover is the person whom the words in the chapter titles belong to, but that isn’t always accurate or true! It often is, but that doesn’t make it a rule, on the contrary. We should always consider who is the subject and who is the object in the title. In this case I considered that Doumeki says: “I want a reason to be by your side”. Doumeki is the subject “I”. Yashiro is the object of Doumeki’s wants or the “you” in “by your side”. I am not evidently considering strictly the Japanese text here, but what the translation conveys, which should be close enough. In the cover image we only have Yashiro, but we look at him from behind, he is the object of our attention: he isn’t the one speaking or thinking those words, he is the one those words refer to.

I hope I was able to explain myself and use my words to show convincingly what I meant. Considering these Doumeki’s words makes a lot of sense to me too, since he is willing to set up a whole scenario in which he comes back for sex “only” but has a reason to come back and that Yashiro buys easily enough. Doumeki is the one trying to keep visiting now that Tsunakawa has ordered that Yashiro stays out of their business. Hope that this helps clarify what is going on.

[beigepillow]

So I’ve been thinking about the ask regarding analysis about Doumeki and truthfully I left out a part of my opinion. I think there is a censorship in the fandom about Yashiro in particular and if you don’t follow the general opinion about him, you become kind of an outcast in the fandom. It has gotten better recently because my opinions have been shown to have some kind of validity to them with what is happening in saezuru but I have had a rough time of it. Looking at the events in saezuru through Doumeki’s pov and trying to understand him as a character doesn’t always put Yashiro in a great light and you have to tread lightly or else you can attract the ire or judgement of people. I have found myself censoring my posts and using private posts to help deal with certain aspects I am wary of. In my experience, I have dealt with accusations on my character, sometimes losing followers or in general being blocked. I don’t know how many times I have been blocked by people (which I typically find out by seeing reblogs and then realizing I can’t access the original) and I am generally pretty understanding towards Yashiro. I don’t think I am entitled to anything but it makes me feel very unwelcome and makes me second guess my posts. Of course that is a me issue but this is the first time I am so active in a fandom I can’t help but be insecure. Before this, I avoided both twitter and tumblr and mainly read fanfiction as a way to connect to others. I think sometimes people apply real life social issues or project onto Yashiro and take it too far. It has gotten to the point where I really try not to go onto other blogs and interact or tag saezuru because I am afraid of some kind of repercussion on my opinions. I am so grateful for people who seem to value my opinions and the people who send me asks but yeah, being a Doumeki girl in this fandom has been an incredibly weird/tumultuous experience and I feel that there are rules as to what is allowed and what is not and making analysis on Doumeki can sometimes cross that line into not allowed. This is just my opinion and mostly I feel like sometimes I just want to delete this blog because there is no point to it if I constantly have to censor myself.

[crehador]

Can I ask, if you have top favorite romantic couples (can be canon or non canon) of all time from any media? Why love them? Thx :D

ANON SORRY THIS ASK HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY INBOX FOR FIVE BILLION YEARS

this is such a fun thing to think about but my brain of course is just going "ichisama ichisama ichisama" nonstop, but now i will sit down and properly try to think of a top five (like the top 10 characters ask, i'll limit this to animanga and possibly group some together; i'm also limiting myself to ONLY icsm from hpmi, or this whole list would be hpmi lmao)

1. in first place of course it is ICHISAMA FOR LIFE

using this image yet again because well it's right there in my pinned and very convenient

i am a sucker for the dumb of ass kind of heart one falling for the bad boy with a heart of gold one, ESPECIALLY when they have the friends to enemies to lovers arc that ichisama does (ok the to lovers part is obviously hc only but hoo boy it is a strong hc)

what can i say about them really besides that i am writing a fic a day for them every day this year. i think that. says it all lol

2. gotta be koyanagi/kabakura wotakoi AND kashima/hori gsnk

while i'm not saying they are identical ships they definitely fall into the same bucket for me, and boy oh boy do i love that bucket

kashima and hori make me belligerently delighted, and koyanagi and kabakura make me a special sort of feral that i don't even know how to start in on

i really like narumi and hirotaka from wotakoi too, but there's something about koyanagi and kabakura that gets to me way more. the geek4geek dynamic is just impeccable with all four of them but the

[PUTTING THE CUT HERE BECAUSE WOTAKOI SPOILERS BELOW, ALSO TOKYO GHOUL SPOILERS FARTHER DOWN]

koyanagi/kabakura wedding just gave me a special sort of glee. i just don't think there's a single thing i don't love to pieces about them, their backstory ova only makes them better

3. saaaaaaya and yuusuke from neon sign amber (aka aokise knb)

obligatory shoutout to the boys of my FAVORITE BL OF ALL TIME ok so like as far as bl goes neon sign amber is really not the most unique thing, i would say. but that's what makes it so perfect to me

i feel like a lot of outstanding bl are great in ways that are 'atypical' for bl, like how saezuru is bl, sure, but also comes with a genuinely gripping gritty yakuza plot. and many others that are highly praised tend to be praised by people going "oh this is good because it's not like TYPICAL bl" which i have feelings about but let's not get into that here

neon sign amber is my favorite because it is very much a typical bl, it has a lot of the typical tropes (guy who's been historically straight but is "gay for you" for example)

i don't necessarily love any of those tropes, but i adore what neon sign amber does with them. it is practically a cookie cutter bl, but its characters (despite existing for only one volume of a manga) live in my heart forever. it takes that "gay for you" trope and doesn't gloss over the problems that could arise in a relationship like that, instead actually addressing them in a way i found satisfying

saya especially is one of my guys of all time, and given that they're kind of obviously aokise i'm lumping them in here too. mwah

4. idolish7 YUKIMOMO MY BELOVEDS (e banri)

thought about this one a lot because i feel like i normally like them in a... normal way, so do they really make the top five? but honestly i think they do

i love their stage gay married act and i love to think that's very much rooted in a foundation of they are actually fucking in love with each other. but just that would've made them a cute but not too memorable ship to me

THEIR BACKSTORY THOUGH. MY GOD. first of all baby momo looks literally just like tdd ichiro which is a. a lot. for me. lmao but anyway setting that aside

momo discovering revale at such a pivotal time in his life, being saved by them, becoming their fans, and then being the one to replace banri after THAT happened??? and then five years later feeling like he's running out of time with yuki and ad;slkfja;lkdsfj

i'm becoming incoherent just thinking about it. anyway i guess this is kind of an ot3 for me though i like it in very much a "we are a couple and we are, as a couple, dating banri" sort of thing (not because they wouldn't ever see banri as an equal partner but because imo banri has better things to do than get too involved in that lol)

5. this last one... is so tough... i think i'm giving it to VARIOUS RELATIONSHIPS IN TOKYO GHOUL

ok this is absolutely cheating and ultimately i think what i would have to say is kaneki and hide because like. eat my face to survive is peak romance to me, sorry. as if it's my fault

HOWEVER there are just so many relationships in tokyo ghoul that i'm absolutely obsessed with. amon/akira and nishio/kimi especially!! amon and akira are so so so delightful to me, in a way similar to roy and riza fma, and nishio and kimi are just. i mean. again. eat me to survive. peak romance

(and i swear i'm not a nishio stan because of voice actor bias, i have not watched tokyo ghoul yet because i have been repeatedly and sternly warned away from it... nishio is one of my manga favorites even without the asnm factor, but good fucking lord does the asnm factor tempt me to watch)

the writing in tokyo ghoul is genuinely just so good to me. the main plot is fantastic but what really makes it is the relationships between characters, both romantic and not

(also a fan of the one-sided tsukiyama/kaneki thing going on but strictly as a one-sided thing lol, tsukiyama get wrecked (said with affection))

so i think that is. more or less where my top five would be. though it's like. it's hard. and probably always changing. those are the first beloved ones to come to my though so they will go in this post and i will smack myself in the forehead and be like "I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ______" as soon as i go to sleep probably

thank you for the ask!

[ogata77]

¡The Power of a Name!

Never had a name had so much power literally and metaphorically speaking, not at least in saezuru. We only hear "Chikara" from Doumeki's own mouth while answering Yashiro's interrogation at the beginning of this story and from his mother while visiting him in the hospital when the first arc ends, so it only remains to think how close Doumeki and they can become that woman so she can call him the same. For this reason it is not uncommon for Yashiro to be so surprised and jealousy to break out within him.

The first theory of someone who does not know this story in depth would be to believe that both have maintained a loving relationship during these 4 years and that Doumeki has calmed his basic needs while waiting to meet Yashiro again, but someone who has really read what happens in saezuru can't believe in such a basic idea at least I don't. Doumeki told Yashiro "I want this body not to want anyone else", this phrase speaks of exclusivity and I can't imagine him asking for something that even he can't fulfill, on the contrary, I think he makes the request because it's his way of seeing love with Yashiro, he does not want him to be with anyone else and in his heart there is no room for another person so much so that he covers his hands with gloves at the precise moment that he begins his new life as a yakuza declaring: I am here but my feelings they will be preserved until the time when Yashiro returns to my life but let's leave the story of the gloves for another time.

An important detail that makes me curious is why in the scene where Doumeki enters the woman's apartment Yoneda leaves Inami's dialogue: "As always, you don't stop", is it perhaps a clue to tell us that in the same way as Yashiro he gets turned on by no one but Doumeki himself, he is still powerless and only Yashiro can turn him on. If the above is correct, the romance with the woman would be completely ruled out.

So if we eliminate the idea of ​​a romance between the two, I can only think about the importance of this woman as an informant. Mama-san owns a bar where yakuza people usually meet to have fun, close deals, etc. therefore it is not uncommon for you to have important first-hand information to use at your convenience. Now, but where this closeness between the two comes from, the only clue we could have is the concept that Yoneda delivers through the conversation that Kamiya has with Yashiro in the bathroom of the Sakuraika house where he clearly explains what the intentions of the "women of the night", the protection of a man. Doumeki has not forgotten what he learned at the police academy and knows that information and contacts are pure gold, especially in the world of the mafia, he is also the "problem solver" assigned to that bar, that means he protects those who work there then it is ultimately a win-win relationship: information for protection.

Don't think that I have these thoughts to defend Doumeki with a romantic ideal, of course not, because if Yashiro could continue looking for other men in these 4 years then why couldn't Doumeki take refuge in someone too. It's just that to me the character's devotion to staying in the yakuza for love and putting this whole plan together for all this time doesn't fit with there now being a third person in the story.

On the other hand, what happens to Yashiro when he hears the name of Doumeki from this woman is a ticking time bomb. Yashiro has a theme with women that Yoneda is always developing throughout the manga, from his earliest childhood the most important woman in his life abandoned him to his fate with his stepfather, then in adolescence he realized his masochism by to have sex with a girl and from that moment he began to frequent places where yakuzas met to obtain the violence that aroused him, but many times these same men reminded him that his destiny would have been different if he were a woman.

Ryuzaki mentions that if he had been a woman he would have been able to protect him, Misumi tells him that it reminds him of his wife, the man with whom he has a relationship in his early years in the yakuza and who is expelled because of him, constantly treats him like a girl and all this blows up Yashiro. But when Yashiro and Kamiya have a conversation in the bathroom of the Sakuraika's house, Yashiro realizes that in the world of the yakuza women still need a man to protect them and it seems to me that for a moment he thought that if he had been a woman as everyone told him, now he would be without so many problems with Doumeki.

Yashiro has all this going around in his head and when he sees the closeness that Doumeki and mama-san have, it's obvious that everything fits and his jealousy explodes. I can't leave out the scene from this last chapter when everyone is eating in the restaurant and Kamiya makes Doumeki see how gentle he is with women, to which Doumeki replies: "I can be gentle with Kamiya too." This for Yashiro is the straw that breaks the camel's back, the kindness to mama-san, the kindness to women, the kindness to Kamiya and the kindness that Yashiro craves so much, where is he?

Yashiro no longer imagines men raping him in a group, now he dreams of Doumeki chasing him, kissing him and letting him lie on his legs like in the past, that's what Yashiro wants at this point in his life, but he believes that everything that is held by other people close to Doumeki. The place that Yashiro occupied in Doumeki's life is no longer even as his boss, from the moment they met again after these 4 years Yashiro has realized how much he lost and how much he wants to get it back, that's why he goes out on he looks for Kido to self-sabotage again and run away from what is happening to him with Doumeki.

This chapter focused on jealousy and how much damage it can do to us, they say that a person can hide any feeling except when they are jealous and it became clear that neither Yashiro nor Doumeki can run away from this feeling anymore.

If there are errors in the text, it's Google's fault hahaha I'm sorry but I hope it's understood. Thanks for reading my ramblings.

[saezurumurmurs]

Do you think yashiro’s and doumeki’s next *real* sex scene will be more like hard-core passionate sex or will we see a new type of gentle and passionate one? Post-time skip doumeki is giving me much more of a hardcore, passionate but still loving sex vibe but who knows he’s still being too persistent on the “yashiro, do you want me to be gentle?” thing so I really don’t know.

Day Runs Until Night Catches It

That’s an interesting question. What I’m seeing in these latest rounds is how much they’re still both in conflict INSIDE THEMSELVES, despite appearances otherwise.

Yashiro has been impotent, and has finally only started to get it up for Doumeki again. That alone must be frightening for him to confront how hard ‘other men’ are now, and how ‘comfortable’ promiscuity doesn’t work for him anymore. He’s fine with Doumeki thinking whatever he wants, if it delays the fall of the hammer.

Doumeki WAS impotent, and has finally made himself into the man he thought Yashiro wanted. It must be frustrating for Dou to still be unclear on what it is Yashiro actually wants. Doumeki is fine with Yashiro thinking whatever he wants, if it brings the hammer fall a little closer.

I hesitate to predict that it will be explosive. If only because whatever it is that actually happens between them, it’s always devastating to their emotional barriers and inner personal constructs, without the need for any roughness whatsoever. It’s not really been ‘explosive’. It’s always Dou giving and Yashiro taking, whether he wanted to precisely or not. I think the probing and the questioning Dou is doing is still very much trying to figure out what Yashiro actually wants from him.

These are two very tremulous hearts, and they are — despite all the machismo, eh? — still feeling each other out after four odd some years.

I expect Doumeki to be himself, but what I find interesting is that maybe Doumeki is driving a little more than before, and maybe driving Yashiro to some place of utter shattering. Because all he wants to do is pick up the pieces.

Finally the only truly important thing anyone needs to know about Doumeki and his passion and the quality of his D, is this:

Doumeki is a Scorpio.

It’s not like, one night with Doumeki turned a hardcore cum bucket, into an impotent and pining (but still deeply confused) man. One night made Yashiro rethink and change some of his wicked, wicked ways.

Dou is not the scorpion type, he’s the eagle type of Scorpio. So there is nothing, nothing that will get me to believe that Doumeki will harm Yashiro. He’s asking because he’s genuinely trying to understand.

“Do you want me to be gentle, or do you want me to take control?” He is trying to get to what Yashiro needs. I like that he is bold about his questions. Probing in his observations. Relentless in pushing Yashiro, where he wasn’t as bold before. I actually love that growth in him.

I know people love to debate the dubcon in their last sexual encounter, but between them, there is another language, another way of communicating. One that really does have its own syntax, grammar and such. And just that question alone, should indicate, Doumeki is still molding himself in to whatever kind of man Yashiro needs to be whole.

I find it interesting, that despite himself, Yashiro is also reshaping himself into someone that can allow himself to be loved by Doumeki. Because that is in fact the key, innit?

In this kind of context, I refuse to believe there is going to be further ‘sexual damage’ done to Yashiro.

This story is about the serpentine and Byzantine paths we take to emotional healing through both the worst kind of trauma and subsequent dissociative living so many folks are forced to endure to survive.

The end, for Saezuru, is in some form of healing… and for Yashiro that is going to happen through sex.

Regardless of all his previous debauchery, it is in this sex with Doumeki he will finally heal. And no wonder it terrifies him so and he’s been running.

Where I come from the old people say, “Day does run til night catch it…”

Yashiro can only run so far from this relationship with Doumeki. Healing has a funny way of showing up. For all survivors. If you open the door even a crack to it, it will flood the darkest room with sunshine you’re not prepared for and which really, really, hurts.

My Dou Dou is going to get him through. I have faith. Eagles know how to ride the wind.

(I actually want Yashiro to give Doumeki pleasure… that would please me greatly. In giving pleasure and receiving it, we will find evidence of Yashiro’s healing.)

[cosmicjoke]

So I haven’t read chapter 52 of “Saezuru” yet, but I did read the summary of it on twitter, and after having a conversation with one of my mutuals, I have a few thoughts about what it is Yashiro wants, and why he’s having so much trouble communicating it to Doumeki. 

First of all, Doumeki himself still seems very hesitant to treat Yashiro with the gentility that they both want him to give, and obviously this stems from what happened the last time he did, with Yashiro pushing him away.  You would think, okay, well, this has an easy solution.  Doumeki wants to treat Yashiro with kindness, and Yashiro genuinely wants to be treated kindly, so all he has to do is tell Doumeki that, and problem solved.

But of course it’s not that simple, and after talking about it with others, and reading about how, during their sex scene, Yashiro was thinking about the Madam at the club, and how Doumeki treats her so gently, it got me thinking more about Yashiro’s difficult relationship with the idea of being treated as a woman. 

Yashiro wants to be treated with the same care and tenderness that he perceives Doumeki to be treating the Madam with, and the belief that Doumeki is deliberately treating him differently than that, because he’s a man, and because he is who he is specifically, (someone who’s always been treated with cruelty and told, indeed, that he deserves to be treated cruelly), is clearly very painful for Yashiro. 

The thing we have to remember about Yashiro is that, during the years he was being sexually abused by his step-father, he was being told by his abuser that he was really a woman, that his being born male was a mistake, etc...  And we see how this later affects Yashiro.  Afterward, whenever he was treated like a woman, or how he perceived a woman should and would be treated, anyway, he got spooked and made an effort to get away from that treatment.  Like Hirata’s underling whom Yashiro got thrown out of the Yakuza after he started treating Yashiro like his girlfriend, or Yashiro’s dissmisiveness when Ryuuzaki asked him about whether he ever wished he’d been born as a woman, etc...  I think Yashiro associated being treated kindly and tenderly with the memories of his abuse, and therefor, that kind of treatment was very traumatic to him.  It’s why we see Yashiro, during his and Doumeki’s sex scene from chapter 26 (I think, lol), crying and seeing an image of himself being raped by his step-father.  It’s why he freaked out so badly afterward and ran away.  Yashiro realized that he LIKED being treated gently, but it reminded him of what his step-father said to him about him really being a woman.  I think, in that moment, when Yashiro realized he wanted and liked being treated kindly, it was like a confirmation for him of everything his step-father claimed about him, that he was really a woman, that him being born male was a mistake, etc...  In that way, it was like a confirmation of every negative, cruel, vicious thing his step-father ever said and did to him.  An affirmation of Yashiro’s own, negative view of himself. 

I think Yashiro’s experience in middle school with the girl he has sex with sort of reinforced Yashiro’s views about women too, and how they’re supposed to be treated, versus how he thinks men are supposed to be treated.  When he tried getting rough with that girl, she started crying, and Yashiro immediately stopped and lost interest in her.  He realized she didn’t want to be roughhoused.  Subsequently, I always point to this incident as proof that Yashiro isn’t, and never was, a sadist.  A true sadist would be turned on by another person’s pain and fear, but Yashiro had the opposite response.  He was turned off by it. 

Yashiro realizes, after his first, sexual experience with Doumeki, that he, like that girl, doesn’t actually enjoy being hurt during sex, doesn’t enjoy being roughhoused and mistreated.  That of course was a coping mechanism he clung to to deal with his trauma, convincing himself that he wanted to be mistreated and hurt to defend against the reality that he’d been horribly vicitmized.  He realized, in that moment with Doumeki, then, that he was more like a woman than a man (just like his step-father claimed), and so for Yashiro, admitting that he wants to be treated with tenderness is tantamount to his admitting that his step-father was right about him.  This is why, I think, he’s still having such a hard time admitting to Doumeki what he really wants.  I know certain people in this fandom are impatient with Yashiro and demanding that he just confess his feelings already, but they forget just how traumatized Yashiro really is, and what it is he’s dealing with. 

It’s obviously going to take a bit more, or a lot more time before either Yashiro or Doumeki can fully open up to one another, and for Yashiro specifically, it’s going to be a lifelong process, being able to accept himself and what he wants without also feeling ashamed or guilty or wrong. 

[miadzudza]

New chapter sounds like it offers a logical and consistent development, I'm not disappointed at all

I'm new to this fandom, although not quite new to the manga itself. In the past few months, I'd read it a couple of times. But this is the first time I got to wait for the new chapter release, the first time I had to seek spoilers, and the first time I faced fandom response in real time, as new information keeps coming.

SPOILER WARNING

I'm honestly surprised by the reaction of the fans. It made me feel like we're not reading the same piece of work. Because I'm not disappointed, not even hurt (yet) - this kind of development is exactly something I expect at this point of the story. To be completely honest, I expect worse. Much worse. One of my own predictions is, not only Yashiro having sex with someone other than Doumeki, but him setting the scene especially for Doumeki to see. Yes, I think Yashiro would totally do something like that down the road, in a desperate attempt to gain back control. His way of embracing love is going to be long and messy, because there really is no other way for him. People fantasize about these two having a mature conversation about how they really feel and then enter a healthy loving relationship - but I don't torture myself like that. :D Was Saezuru ever a fan service? I don't think so. It's a dark story, with dark characters, in a dark environment. There will be more angst, pain, heartbreak, loss and death before it ends. And Yashiro will certainly not lose the battle against his heart easily.

The first time Yashiro opened up about his feelings, it was during a dissociative episode (in a bathroom scene in Doumeki's apartment). I expect something like that to happen again. Circumstances may be different. Something has to trigger Yashiro to drop his defenses, like the last time. My prediction is that it will happen when he gets drunk (alcohol seems like a perfect underused tool to mess up his inhibitions). That is also the only way I see him making the first move. Doumeki, on the other hand, is playing smart for now. The pain he is causing Yashiro by being cold and distant, is a safe kind of pain (for Yashiro at least), the type that won't make him run away. Although, it is highly unlikely Yashiro will run now when he knows Doumeki is in danger. He would want to find a way to address that problem, and I'm dying to see his manipulative self taking control and shining again.

I knew Yashiro would face some sort of sexual dysfunction after his pre-timeskip sex with Doumeki. We have to remember: that sex retraumatized him, and in Saezuru - sexual trauma has consequences. Chapter 46 practically confirmed he was struggling with anorgasmia (even Doumeki surprisingly asked Yashiro if he was pent up). But the first hint, I think, was when he was masturbating in chapter 44. He was so aroused, but he couldn't finish. Doumeki would probably find this fact (that he's the only one who can please Yashiro at this moment) very romantic, he would want to embrace him, but I can see Yashiro angrily screaming at him "Idiot, you broke me!" I hope we get some flashbacks from the last four years, showing Yashiro's struggle to enjoy violent sex again. And I wish I could find more spoilers about his sex with Inami, containing translations paired with the pictures. What I found very encouraging is one fan's translation where Yashiro referred to his first sex with Inami as rape. Pre-timeskip Yashiro would never admit that to himself, so he clearly made some huge progress. He doesn't look like he's even pretending to be enjoying the sex. Those are baby steps for fans getting new chapters every 2-4 months only to see more pain and struggle, but realistically, Yashiro's progress can't be rushed. It was a smart decision from Yoneda Kou to give the characters four years to process their feelings and evolve. It means she doesn't intend to drag this story forever, so we'll get conclusion soon enough.

[swallowerofdharma]

Imagine this one in video format maybe? To start looking into chapter 4 of Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai we take the physical tankōbon: it is at the very start of volume 2, I’d like to show you the cover and and open it, turning the first color pages of it, Doumeki in his blue police uniform. Now let’s look back at both the first and the second volume for a moment. A thing I dislike about many cover illustrations of romance themed books is that they frequently showcase the main pairing and sometimes one of them, if not both, will look at you like it is a photo-shot from a fashion magazine. Don’t look at me please, I am here to intrude unseen in your most intimate moments and you aren’t supposed to know. Characters looking back at you makes your position as a voyeur more obvious. It makes me self conscious, I don’t want to be in the story, I want to immerse myself and disappear while others take the stage and action!

Yashiro looking back at us in the cover of volume 1 is calling us out, but also offering himself willingly, in the first part of the story he is both a voyeur himself (with Kuga and Kageyama) and an exhibitionist (calling out Nanahara for example and later having Doumeki openly looking down at him). He often flaunts his sensuality and he lets others look at his sexual encounters that aren’t in any way related to sharing intimacy, only performance and pleasure. The cover of the first tankōbon is an incredibly eloquent portrait of Yashiro, a powerful introduction to the story. His vulnerability coexists with the empowerment of the submissive role when the rules are laid out clearly in a BDSM scene. Now take the second volume, the cover illustration is strikingly different, and it remains quite unique at the moment: the majority of these covers are centered on the characters and sometimes the background disappear completely. In this case it is likely that you wouldn’t even notice the characters at first. It’s the city at night, the urban lights, the street wet with rain that is predominantly portrayed: the atmosphere, other people under their umbrellas, only looking carefully you see Yashiro waiting at the red light and then Doumeki following behind: they rain is falling on them, they don’t have an umbrella. This is likely the same scene depicted in chapter 7 and on the cover of the sixth tankōbon as well. Imagine me showing you the movie version, if this was a video. Try to smell the rain on the concrete, it’s so real. Look at the lights reflected in the various puddles. The focus is on the environment, we are zooming back to the city, away from the characters, not a fashion magazine photo-shot, but urban photography.

Volume 1 was done, the characters introduced, the setting established, the readership established as well. It contained the first three chapters, but also two other one-shots that provided further details and insight into Yashiro and Kageyama’s relationship and backstory. Doumeki and Aoi, Misumi and Hirata have been also introduced, the set up for the first part of the story is complete, we are invested. Chapter 3 ended with maybe the first moment that is not only sexually charged, but very emotionally charged as well, the first moment where sex happens when there is intimacy. Even when Yashiro asks for Doumeki to pull his hair harder, it’s probably the gesture of Doumeki reaching out to touch Yashiro tenderly that makes it different, makes it the moment Doumeki starts to wonder what if.

I have maintained a special interest and attachment to chapter 4 for a long time now. Although I was invested in the story, characters and style, chapter 4 really solidified for me the complexity of levels that Saezuru has, made me reassess my first impressions, made me wonder if I was trying to read too much into something that just wasn’t that deep, but no. That feeling of knowing “there is something there” wouldn’t go away. I wasn’t sure though so I just asked Georgie @itwearsadress back in February 2023 and I am very grateful for their very thoughtful answers. I will use their explanations on the terms and specific language Yashiro and Doumeki are using in their “scene”. And I am also grateful for Benvey’s observations about the same scene @nanayashi-agenda further confirming that I wasn’t imagining things, that it was possible to read something more into it.

I am going to quote parts of the exchange I had with Georgie, while also adding to it my updated analysis, now that I am a little more confident in my own understanding of things. So initially, I formulated my questions as follows. Yashiro dressed Doumeki up as a policeman and tried to role play as the criminal/aggressor, aiming to be “arrested and punished” - while Doumeki instead wasn’t able to fully comprehend the assignment and act properly, refusing to acknowledge that Yashiro was doing something wrong in terms of infringing real laws. Doumeki simply was direct and literal all the time, while Yashiro was looking for an excuse to create a scene. He was probably randomly referring to potential charges that progressed to the topic of sexual misconduct, because Yashiro was leading the play towards a sexual play. Besides the humor resulting from Doumeki’s straight face and answers - while he doesn’t fully comprehend the assignment - that entire exchange ended with Yashiro being upset and truly angered and I was very dissatisfied with my comprehension of the dialogue. And here came George to my rescue. The number three works really well in storytelling, I have always considered the fact that Yashiro tries three times here as a deliberate choice. So he tries three different charges and for each one Doumeki replies. There is no crime. Yashiro can’t be recognized as the aggressor in Doumeki’s eyes, so as a policeman he doesn’t have to act. There is nothing there.

First. I am referring to the very first page of chapter 4, the one in color. Here’s George’s take:

Now to the particular point you mentioned - Yashiro wants to do some police/criminal role play so he starts riffing some random sexual crimes. The first charge that you referred to is 公務執行妨害罪 or “interfering in the duties of an officer of the law” or something like that. Aside from it being a sexy pretext to do a police role play, it might be a reference to Y being an obstruction to D returning to the straight and narrow after getting out of prison. 🤔 I mostly tend to think it’s just Y being cheeky.

Then after the chapter’s illustration cover, we have skipped a little forward, we didn’t hear if Doumeki answered to that one, which would have probably applied: when we go back to the moment Yashiro is giving him a blowjob, while we follow Doumeki’s thoughts and see some flashbacks of his time in prison. It ties together nicely, when we discover that Yashiro isn’t the first man to do that.

Doumeki recalls how he discovered that he had become impotent, not able to respond to direct stimulation. If in the present he has the police uniform on, in the flashbacks he instead has the prison uniform, the two attires contrasting very loudly, until following his thoughts we go back to the probable cause of Doumeki losing any desire and becoming unresponsive to sexual stimulation: he is shown in his police uniform, his real one, that he was wearing the day he caught his father forcing himself on Aoi. In his self analysis, Doumeki attributes his acceptance to his new reality to two things:

Please, pay special attention to the fading-to-black on those last words: “… and the confirmation that I am not like my father”. That black isn’t only a choice to transition from the past to the present, the black background when scenes are meant to be flashbacks, it is also a choice that puts those words apart and enlightens them more, while also giving them an ominous feeling.

In the present, Yashiro is oblivious to Doumeki’s stream of consciousness, who is looking down at him while also comparing him to his sister Aoi, becoming soon distracted and redirecting his thoughts and focusing on touching Yashiro’s hair. For Yashiro the role play is ongoing, thinking that they are both sharing the fantasy, until Doumeki takes them out of it with his responses to Yashiro’s second and third attempts at provocation. Here’s Georgie:

The second is 淫行罪 or “sexual coercion”. Doumeki then responds that the victim must be underage for the charge to be appropriate. Yashiro comes up with a third charge - 強制わいせつ罪 or “indecent assault” (also known as “carnal indecency”, this law is basically the same as sexual assault - an unwanted sexual advance of some kind) to which Doumeki responds that the victim must protest the sexual act in order for the charge to be valid.

Back when I asked Georgie to clarify the terminology of this scene, I was not sure what I was seeing in here. Was that little dialogue a subtle social commentary about the limitations of the legislation and the insufficient ways the law speaks to the survivors? Was I just reading too much into it? Was Yoneda really going there? Did I want to go that far myself? But I could see that there was something in this exchange that makes Yashiro pause. That reaction Yoneda captured: it truly spoke so much to me and it is so real, I just knew this had to be meaningful. He stands up, kicking the chair, letting his emotions clearly visible, and upset and angry expression, the fleeting promise to not touch Doumeki’s limp dick ever again. It is very rare that Yashiro shows that he is troubled and angry specifically about the recognition of what constitutes rape.

When I recently decided to revisit these few pages from chapter 4 and put together a post to encourage readers to revisit the story once again, I also tried to do a little research into Japanese law. This is just a very superficial review though and I am only very lightly touching on the subject. After the conversation I had with Georgie, in July 2023 Japan's sex crime laws were significantly changed.

Japan's sex crime laws will be significantly transformed from mid-July, as parliament passed a law Friday raising the age of sexual consent and expanding the definition of nonconsensual sex as part of Penal Code reform. (…) As a part of Penal Code reform, the new law raises the age of consent to 16. The legislation also criminalizes nonconsensual sexual intercourse where physical coercion or violence is absent, taking into consideration various factors affecting the victim's ability to consent, such as a power imbalance, that were previously deemed as being difficult to prove. Use of violence, intimidation, alcohol, drugs, or economic or social status are among the factors that will be considered when determining whether an act is consensual. Cases in which a victim has a mental or physical disorder can also be deemed nonconsensual.

Karin Kaneko, What you need to know about the revision to Japan's sex crime law, “the japan times”, June 19, 2023 https://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2023/06/19/national/crime-legal/sex-crime-law-revision-explainer/

In the same article something specifically caught my attention as relevant to what Yoneda might have been showing in chapter 4.

In 2017, the law related to sex crimes was revised for the first time since 1907, imposing longer sentences on rapists and recognizing male victims, in addition to categorizing forced oral and anal sex as crimes as well. However, the amendments only recognized nonconsensual sex as a crime if there was an act of violence or intimidation. The absence of violence on the part of the perpetrator was seen as indicating that the victim didn’t resist, therefore making the sex consensual. The age of sexual consent also remained at 13 years old, which many deemed inappropriate.

I’d like you to remember: chapter 4 was published in 2013, well before 2017, the year considered the starting point of the reform and the culmination of the #me too movement in Japan. In 2013 then the law was still the one first written in 1907: forced oral or anal sex weren’t considered or any penetration done with something else that a male penis would not have constituted a case, because the law was written to protect property, not people and only female victims could get pregnant and thus hereditary issues were considered (this not only in Japan). And even after the first reforms in 2017 a male victim who not only didn’t fight back enough to show very visible signs of violence, but had also shown arousal would have not been seen and recognized as a victim of rape. The whole thing is too complicated for me to go into it. But what can be taken from it is that Yoneda was writing about Yashiro in that scenario. That like the cover of volume 2 suggests her characters’ story is set in a bigger and broader context. Remember now how teenager Yashiro used to seek partners that would leave visible signs of violence on his body and, although he would cover himself in school, it was enough for someone to notice. That the fact that violence or pain didn’t impede but instead triggered pleasure had to mean for Yashiro that he had always wanted it and willingly participated in it.

Even when Doumeki would recognize what his father was doing was wrong and was sexual violence - because Aoi was unmoving, she cried when she saw him, but she wasn’t showing any response to what their father was doing to her body - the law as it was when this manga started wouldn’t have been for sure on Aoi’s side. But more so with adult Yashiro, Doumeki didn’t think about it until Nanahara made him realize it during their conversation on the rooftop of the hospital. From the point of view of the law, a man couldn’t be raped.

[beigepillow]

Why do you think it is so complicated for Y to admit that he is in love with D if he was able to admit that he loved kageyama? And I think he is aware that what he feels for D is stronger than what he felt for kage.

There were a few comments on that post that I think said it well. Kage was more of a fantasy while Doumeki is more real and actually reciprocates Yashiro’s feelings which makes it very scary for Yashiro. It is almost like he feels that if he accepts that love, it would be intolerable for him to ever go back to what he has now. And them not working out or him losing Doumeki is always going to be a risk as it always is with our loved ones. Yashiro said it himself when he broke down in volume 5, he doesn’t know what will happen to him if he loses Doumeki. However, I personally, and I know others do too based on asks I receive, do have some doubts on Yashiro’s feelings. While I think what he feels is stronger than what he felt for Kage, I also feel that it is a cold comfort when he is always letting go of Doumeki. I think Yoneda Kou is doing this on purpose though. We’re supposed to be a bit uneasy on how strong their love is and how they will end up together in the end. In saezuru itself, plenty of people can’t imagine Yashiro actually loving someone. Kage actually has said that Yashiro is incapable of love. I don’t think Yashiro is incapable of love but I think he can’t keep his defenses and have a romantic relationship with someone else. Doumeki himself doesn’t see how Yashiro feels about him and I can’t blame him if me as a reader also has trouble seeing his feelings sometimes. There are moments where Yashiro seems to care less than Doumeki in a way like when Doumeki went to go meet with Inami. Yashiro seemed more angry than concerned about what could happen to Doumeki. Obviously there are plenty of people who don’t doubt Yashiro’s feelings and that Yashiro will in the end choose Doumeki but my personal feelings about love do color how I see Yashiro and Doumeki’s love languages.

[saezurusteve]

Hi ! I just discovered the saezuru universe and of course I'm hooked !

Also super impressed by your translating !! makes me want to try and read it in jp but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't understand half of the slang haha

So sorry to ask this out of nowhere but I'm up to chp 42, and I can't seem to get my hands on 43 44 45 (I.... already saw 46 thanks to your gdrive link ...) I saw there was a permission-ask or something for a drive for ch45 but I'm not too sure about how that works.

Would you happen to know where they may be hidden ? ><

Sorry again for asking out of the blue, and feel free to ignore this ask if its too much of a bother !

And once again congrats and thank you so much for doing such a great job at translating !!

Preposterous!!! It's a lie I tell you!! It's sanctimonious!! I'm not even using that right... I think... I could be right but I don't think I am.

I can't translate worth shit, that's why I beg someone with talent to do it. Hopefully, I will never have to donate that kidney I promised for all their hard work. (Drink plenty of water SJ. have some vitamin C with that vodka!) I read Japanese as well as any machine translator can. Anyway... It's important for anyone following me to know that I never keep anything that I translate. I throw it into the wind and then give the internet the power to accidentally delete it as demonstrated here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here or here! RUTHLESS BEASTS!!! Sometimes you get lucky and one still exists, possibly here, or here, or here or even here... I wonder what happened to them... hmm, I can't type question marks... it keeps opening up a search box thinking I'm looking for something when clearly I'm not the one asking questions (question mark!)! Or am I? AH-HA, I can copy and paste a question mark from someone else's question! I would go back retype my intended question marks with your question mark, but that would be stealing unless I totally credited you for every question mark?(? courtesy of @thelifeofmatmat - all credit to the artist!)

[ktffansub]

Bijutsu Techo: Boys Love – Interview: Yoneda Kou

This article was first published in November 17th, 2014. Translated from Japanesse to Bahasa Indonesia by kalengjelek and then translated from Bahasa Indonesia to English by KTFfansub. Source: here

When did you first encounter manga?

I was born in a family with three daughters; while my older sister likes reading Ribbon magazine, I like reading Nakayoshi. It was the era of Asagiri Yuu-sensei, when I was in elementary school. My favorite at that time were Kusunoki Kei sensei’s works and Patlabor. When it came to Shonen, I would say I was more into Shounen Sunday. I also loved Kawaraha Izumi sensei’s works. When I think about it, rather than manga that were full of passion, I’d actually prefer manga that had calm and soothing kind of vibe.

Is that so… What about BL?

When I was in Junior High, my older sister showed me Captain Tsubasa Doujinshi by Ozaki Minami and I was dumbfounded, I thought, “So, there’s also a world like this!”. After that, I started to buy BL manga. At that time, the mangaka who left the most impression to me was Nishi Keikosensei. Her works such as Mizu Ga Koori Ni Naru Toki, Tenshi Ni Naranakya have unique openings, it made me reread them many times. Uida Shiuko (now Kano Shiuko) and Yoshinaga Fumi Sensei are also my favorite mangaka.

When was the first time you draw manga?

I seriously began drawing manga in my first year of junior high. At first, I drew a pair of man and woman, but after page three, I felt something was off. So, I tried drawing BL for the next one. Just like the present, I’ve always loved less expressive and less-talkactive main characters (laughs). But the more I draw, then an attentive senpai with good personality and short haired ones like Togawa in Doushitemo Furetakunai also appeared. At that moment I thought, “Oh, this is it!”

You really weren’t embarrassed, are you? (laughs)

Well, it’s because it was embarrassing, that’s why I’m not really open about my drawing manga activity.

(laughs) But you debut as professional mangaka eventually, how did that happen?

Yes, after that… I worked as office lady. I got married not long after, but then, I was getting through a marriage blues. At that time, I was invested in Kakashi and Naruto shown by my older sister along with Comiket catalogue.

The power of moe beats out your anxiety (laughs)

It’s true (laughs). Escaping from reality, I checked a lot of circles and opened some sites. There I found a work from a novelist (now has debuted professionally) that I really liked. This is why I started writing novel at first, not drawing. I have a lot of ways to accommodate my moe needs. I also once drew Doujinshi but due to my inability to use a proper diction, the result wasn’t optimal (laughs). After drawing slowly and more at ease, I got into Katekyo Hitman Reborn fandom and drew a lot of doujinshi for that series. A year later, I was contacted by Taiyou Tosho publisher.

“With that publisher, Yoneda Kou published Doushitemo Furetakunai which has been adapted into a movie. Since the beginning, Yoneda Kou didn’t draw one-shot but serialization. For the movie, even though it only tells a story of daily lives, but the directing, composition and dialogue are impressive. About 4,5 years later, the second volume of Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai that had the yakuza neighborhood setting was released. This has completely different feeling compared to Doushitemo Furetakunai.”

My first work was actually published in Drap, so I had it adjusted to be a less-heavy work. That’s why I ended up switching to another magazine.

Was it a demand from the editor?

Of course I only draw what I want to draw. But without realizing, I always draw them to fit the magazine. And it seems like Taiyou Tosho prefers me to draw more simple work.

So, sensei is the type who pays attention to editor’s suggestion. When you wrote the first chapter of Saezuru Tori Wa Habatakanai, did you already want Yashiro to be the main character (for longterm series)?

Right. I didn’t explain it in the first one-shot, but I always believe that no matter how you look at it, Yashiro really loved Kageyama. And (even though he’s drawn like that) he is actually a neko (uke). I think he is an interesting character. When I drew highschooler Yashiro and others, it had been decided that I wanted to write a serialization for this.

And only then the character Doumeki was born?

At that time, the character Doumeki didn’t exist, but I thought very hard about what kind of partner that would be suitable for Yashiro. I took a break from drawing for about two years. I only worked on illustration during that time, until one morning an idea suddenly came to me, “That’s right! Erectile dysfunction!”. I immediately sent an email to my editor: “A perverted impotent man!” (laughs). Afterwards, I finally worked on the first draft.

(laughs hard) Finally, the combination of Yashiro and Doumeki who are the opposite of each other was decided. What an amazing couple that can even make the readers losing sleep.

I do have this particular interest in people’s decision and behaviour resulted from a contrasting relationship that is full of conflicts. Because there are so many characters in Saezuru, I have this excel file compiling the plot for each character chronologically. Otherwise, I would’ve forgotten about it. If I didn’t seriously research (the setting of my own story), I wouldn’t be able to write anything when I made name. But even though I got through it, drawing a family with no blood ties like yakuza was still difficult. If I don’t focus, the story might turn out like Nagara Sakugyou*. That’s why now I’m just focusing on doing Saezuru.

*) nagara sakugyou: other work that being serialized at the same time

Up until now, Sensei has published 5 volumes and all of them have beautiful covers with varied tones.

Actually, the cover color for Doushitemo Furetakunai should’ve looked like red wine, but it seemed like there was an error in printing so the pink was contrasting into it. But it turned out to be good.

Then about the cover for the Saezuru first volume. It’s so impressive! The stepped-on man! All the people around me also had high appraise for this.

Actually, there were so many things happened in the process. By taking the request (it isn’t clearly explained whether it’s from editor/designer) of “Yashiro sitting alone”, I first submitted that illustration to the book designer. However, I couldn’t throw away the idea of Yashiro being stepped on, so, during the next three days I was stressed out. I’ve finally asked them to keep my idea and that’s how the cover of the first volume ended up the way it is now.

I see! For the second volume, it’s totally different, isn’t it? It’s a scenery, but when you do a double take, there are Yashiro and Doumeki!

I always want to give a different vibe in each volume. Actually I’m also a fan of the way Tsumugi Taku-sensei draws scenery.

Hoo-, sensei is a fan of Tsumugi sensei! Talking abough NIGHTS, when you open the cover, there’s a surprise in it!

Yes, if you look at the rough sketches there were 4 pages of picture that were interconnected. In the end, the desainer took picture number two as the cover and number four to put it on the bottom of the back cover. For Soredemo, I didn’t get any guide from the book designer. I combined the the feel of the story with a touch of water paint. At first, I actually wanted to make Deguchi pulling Onoda’s hand to get out of the train, but it ended up looking like Deguchi forced Onoda to stay (with him). So I decided it’s Onoda who’s getting off the train by himself with Deguchi waiting on the platform.

Do you do the coloring with computer? How about the non-colored script?

I use SAI for coloring but for monochrome I usually draw by my hand until the inking, then I do the tone using photoshop.

Do you self-learned drawing?

Well, I at least bought a lot of ‘pose reference’ books often. When it comes to buy things, it feels great, doesn’t it? But when it comes to manga, we draw to tell our moe concept.. well, I love drawing moe concept, but the thing is- I’m not really good at drawing. I like thinking about moe stuff, I also like to combine colors (inside my head) but when I do, I have no desire to draw I, even though that’s the important part. There are often times when I feel like drawing is a handful. In short, I want to draw something that isn’t too troublesome.

But, isnt it because you’re doing manga seriously that it feels difficult?

Because I’m too serious I feel like the story can be boring. Not only the work but also the author (laughs). I often read comments saying my manga is ‘down to earth’. I guess it’s shown obviously in every each of my works

Sure, there are people who think like, “In real world, there’s no way a wakagashira can be as masochist as Yashiro”, but apart from that, Saezuru still gives an impression of it being realistic. In drawing the important men’s arms and muscles in your work, sensei has done your best. Getting into the story, the characters also put extra effort to look elegant. Despite the young age, in a positive sense, sensei’s works feels like having Showa* vibe.

(*SHOWA ERA: 1926~1989)

I’m no longer young, though (laughs). Maybe this is why my works often get called “JUNE”. Especially Saezuru, I think it really fits (JUNE concept).

Are you an organized person?

I’m actually a person who have no chill (laughs). But I have this side of myself who tend to see things as a whole, look at my surrounding then step on the brake. There is also a side of me that is so energetic in creating my own moe that I turn into a selfish person. I guess that’s also my flaw.

It seems like sensei is the type who has her own editorial meeting inside her head (laughs)

I wish it’s not true, but unfortunately, I’m the type of person who is embarrased to admit that I have a relationship with manga. Even until now I have yet told my close friends about this job (as BL mangaka). I’m not that kind of person who like to share or tell others about my moe situation inside my head. When my moe concept is being visualized in public I would scream, “Don’t look! But if you want to read it, I’d be happy”. Yes, I’m that kind of person.

I wonder if sensei’s works are the manifestation of sensei’s own self-contradictions..

[cat-fire]

Hey! Hope your having a nice day, anyway I waned to ask you abt something that I really didn't understand at the end of chapt 35(I think? I could be wrong do). When Y looks at D for the last time at the hospital, while covering one of his eyes. The chapter then ends with "Flying birds speak no words " I'm not really sure of what that means but I'm curious for your interpretation.

Hi there and thank you really much for your question! I’m really happy to share my interpretations and always ready to engage with the wonderful community of Saezuru.✨

You went for a very interesting question and I had to think about it a lot before starting to write down my own explanation. However, I should note that I am not sure if my interpretation is 100% accurate, as it has a very personal touch to it and it might not be how things actually played out.

Also, in order for my explanation to make sense, we have to go a few pages back, as many things are interconnected and they sort of complement each other. Sorry if I am going to talk a lot around the subject.

We're talking about the hospital scene, happening after Yashiro confronted Kageyama with “why did you choose Kuga and not me?” I should point this out because in this before scene with Kageyama, Yashiro does something super interesting: he actually recalls his feelings for Kageyama. And I think that he is able to touch the subject of these feelings, exactly because his feelings aren’t as strong as before. They’re in fact already faded since Doumeki got so far and broke every wall that stood in front of him and Yashiro. Let’s just say that his unrequited love for Kageyama doesn’t even amount to much, now that Doumeki explored Yashiro with his hands, body and soul, and shook his core. If there would be a moment for Yashiro to realize that he is no longer in love with Kageyama, this would be it. Because Doumeki simply won. However, this does not mean that Yashiro, as we know him, wants to admit it.

Then, 3 different things happen in 3 different plans. We have the birds in the view of the window, standing on a branch. We have Yashiro who proceeds to walk around. We also have Nanahara talking with Sugimoto about Yashiro's lie that he hit his head and does not remember Doumeki anymore.

I think this is important because when Yashiro spends those few moments walking, he is actually thinking and processing everything. Processing that Doumeki took over his life and heart, and also processing his own blind and pathetic decision to pretend that he does not remember him. Even if he can only vaguely realize everything he has done, he definitely feels like there is a burden in his heart, like he is going to miss something. Perhaps, he feels a contradiction?

That’s why the dialogue of Nanahara and Sugimoto is so telling: because looking at Yashiro in the nearby panel we have the answer to the question: “What if boss fell for Doumeki?” The answer is yes without any doubt and it’s in front of us. He is in love with Doumeki, which twists his insides even more.

Then he notices Doumeki, together with his mother and sister, and gives him one last bittersweet stare.

The hand covering one eye could be on a shallow level something as convergence insufficeny, but I really believe that it symbolize something deeper than an eye condition.

Yashiro's act of covering one eye means that his mystery, deceit and hidden facts are on the shadowed side. You can see only half of his face being hit by the light, and the other half in shadow, just as his feelings on the inside are mixed between pursuing his love and losing himself in the unknown or flying away into his known darkness because "flying birds speak no words". His internal battle is emphasised by this gesture of his. Will I chose the light in front of me (Doumeki) or will I chose my darkness and pretend not to see him anymore just because it hurts to love?

Even though he already chose to forget him, the fight is inside of him, stronger than ever. And Yashiro is leaning towards the dark side, letting it take over.

In the next panel, the bird flies leaving a feather behind. The bird flying means escape with the avoidance of entanglements for Yashiro.

Personally, in the way I see it, the bird is Yashiro. The entanglements are his romantic feelings towards Doumeki, the things left unsaid that are burning so much in Yashiro’s heart. Yashiro thinks that if he disconnects and disappears, there will be no need for further words, and there will be no need for Yashiro to abandon himself because he developed feelings for Doumeki. He thinks that pushing him away is going to make the feelings of love go away, but oh boy, how wrong is he!

When the bird flies, we assume that Doumeki sees and reads through Yashiro's intention to go away from him, knows it is over and is swallowing his words. "Is something wrong?" ;"No, it's nothing." But in fact, ultimately Doumeki is left behind, like a caged and abandoned bird. That little baby bird that used to follow Yashiro everywhere.

Also, Yashiro covering his eye, catching shades of light and darkness across his face, mirrors in a way the very last scene with Doumeki looking like he is trapped in a bird cage, after he talks to Nanahara on the rooftop.

The difference between these two scenes (Yashiro between light and darkness and Doumeki stepping in the dark) is that Yashiro has a choice when he covers his eye. He can see both perspectives ahead, and that is perhaps more painful given that choice is just an illusion anyway. But Doumeki has nothing else than to step in the darkness, as he is caged as a direct consequence of what Yashiro decided: to abandon him.

[annaritastella]

Saezuru chapter 43: the sink.

While reading Saezuru for the nth, I might have realized something 🤔

We all know that:

in Ch 42, when Doumeki affirms to Kamiya "i wasn't a member to begin with" he reminded about the moment took placed in Ch 22 when Yashiro, while was on top of D's lap (❤️) was telling him exactly the same thing.

-----------------

In chapter 43, once Doumeki turns his eyes on the left he sees the sink and then he decides to don't leave anymore even if Yashiro finished to use the bathroom.

Reading the analysis of Ch 43 (and still thanks to @kiriharaakira for the translation🙏) they says "our Sensei never put something on hers drawers if it has not a meaning, nothing is casual" indeed they were trying to understand why Sensei wanted us to focus on the sink that Doumeki looked. And this is what I think:

While Yashiro was tell him how he "actually" changed and that Doumeki s dream "to become Yakuza" finally came true (we all know though the reason why...) we see Doumeki looking at the sink:

In chapter 22, when Yashiro affirmed "you don't have to became one of us (so a Yakuza) ..." Sensei did the same thing: she put many dialogue bubbles to let us focus on the sink. The question is: why the sink?

(This is my opinion! I don't say this for sure as only our Sensei knows the true that there is behind it)

Anyways, in my opinion, Doumeki, looking at the sink reminded not only when Yashiro was tell him the opposite thing, but when in Ch 6. Doumeki thinks "I don't want him to find out the I can get hard I don't want him throw me away just like a toy that is no longer needed"

And this is exactly what happened:

Yashiro found out, they had sex, Yashiro ran away, and after Hirata s episode, Yashiro ended up saying "I don't remember" (so he thrown Doumeki away)

Still in Ch 6, Doumeki thinks "I want to be by his side/ I'll do anything for that, I'll accept anything/ so I want him to keep me close to him forever "

Then, in Ch. 13, after Doumeki gives blowjob for the first time to Yashiro, he goes to the toilet washing his mount and not only, he felt kinda sad for doing that because he got high too and he doesn't want his Kashira to find out.

Coming back to Ch 6---"I'll do anything for that, I'll accept anything"

And he actually did anything to remain in Yakuza s world and we all can confirm what he went through.

---"so, I want him to keep me close to him forever"

Unfortunately this has not been possible due to Yashiro's decision but, the bright side is that, even if they have been far away for four years, Doumeki was in Yashiro's dream, in his thought, in his every day life so Doumeki actually stayed close to Yashiro in someways.

And the same was for Doumeki: he spent months trying to join Yakuza in order to remain on Yashiro s side, and once he did, he wanted to get information about his affairs (when Doumeki met chestnut guy)

And nowadays, what Doumeki does?

Catches Yashiro while he was falling down asking him twice if he was all right, stayed behind bathroom door "just in case", and still, he opened the door for Yashiro because he notice there is something wrong in him (he thinks is his right arm).

So Doumeki DID anything to stay by his side "I want to stay by your side, I'll do anything for it" even if he has to wear his gloves (that means to not expose his heart from anyone, by Sensei interview), doesn't mean that his feelings are faded away, actually he twisted his life to stay with him.

So, the answer for "why the sink?" might be because the sink has been the place where Doumeki could express his true feelings without showing it to other people around.

It's where he could take a break for a moment from hiding what he endured for trying to suppress his feelings for Yashiro and well, calm down his thing xD

It's like us girls , after crying we hide ourselves in the bathroom from others eyes, we wash our face, get a deep breath and leave acting to the people around us that nothing happended and everything is fine...not? I do that XD

Doumeki did the same thing.. He had been through a lot (as had Yashiro) and for the first time he took a "decision": trying to push Yashiro to confess what he really feels for Doumeki even though it might seems quite sassy but, the sink was the reason why he motivated himself to take a deep breath, have a composing expression and faced Yashiro as he never did before and ready to accept whatever Yashiro s answers is.

_________________________

I admit that all of this might be a very huge fantasy from my mind but I like to think that maybe It can be the reason to let us focus on the sink...but... Who knows? 🤷

Well , I repeat this is MY opinion, I spent hours writing all of this and tomorrow I'll have to get up early to go to work so what else?

Have a good night! ❤️

Feel free to express your ideas

---Anna Rita

~~~~~I want to update one last thing and then I can finally put an end to my thoughts about this before I lose my mind 🤣

-----------------------

In Ch 41. The first scene we see is the water coming out from the sink that Yashiro opened for putting the head of that guy and let him "confess"

Then we can see that in one scene (without the sink xD) there are Doumeki, Nanahara, Kamiya and the guy and the in next image there is Yashiro almost staring at the sink , contemplating (if he want to kiss Doumeki or not 🤔, it's a joke of course) , like he is in a different world from the others.

The sink will be the motive for Doumeki to "start a conversation" with Yashiro.

Yashiro states "don't just watch there Nanahara, help me out here"

So, reading what Yashiro just affirmed he Actually needs an help for doing the "dirty job" but the one who went to aid him was Doumeki but of course Yashiro replied "'preciate the effort but I got this" : Yashiro is acting again but he is able to do it only if he doesn't look at Doumeki straight on the eyes because he knows that Doumeki would never believe him also because, I repeat myself, he did asked for help!

I "translate" Yashiro s answer as "I do not need you, I can do it without you, I can live without you"

He refused Doumeki. He refused to look at him from the start. He refused to accept the idea that after 4 years trying to give Doumeki the chance to live an honest life, he is there, next to him ready to help his Kashira.

So I think I can end now this post saying that thanks to this sink, they had their second conversation after four years of silence (the first one is in Ch 40), thanks to the sink, Doumeki faced Yashiro once for all and well, I look forward to reading the next chapter to see his answer!

_______________________

As I said, these are just my thoughts right or wrong. I have been thinking until now about it and it really seems like a film made by my own imagination XD and I realize that 99% of what I said might be entirely wrong.

Thank you for reading this! I appreciate your opinion if you want to leave it in the comments or message me:)

----Anna Rita