#but that's not really something she cares to think about in the immediate aftermath of losing mori and/or dazai | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

twstfanblog · 21 days ago

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Heyyyyy so uhhhhh…

What if the mc back in their world was a slave? Not servant like jamil, just, straight up slave where their opinion didn’t matter :( n they r female, afab, pronounce she/they? Hopefully nothing bad happened but people who get slaves r bad people so :((( overblot boys pls 🙏🥺

I feel like they would all threaten crowley to absolutely NOT look for a way to send mc home n to stop making her do his things cause that reminds her of back home in a very bad way :(

N then they comfort n hold the mc cause they r safe n wont have to be treated like shit anymore :(

They will punch anyone who treats em like shit

Which practically everyone in school did when they arrived at NRC, and they just thought ‘this is normal’. :(

Overblot Boys React to Slave Reader

Overblot Boys x Reader

Riddle

Lowkey saw you as an ideal student. Polite, respectful, and mindful of the rules. So he wouldn't notice anything past a few odd ticks that he himself wouldn't fully question since his own upbringing was shitty.

It takes him and Ace having an argument, Riddle brings up that Ace can learn a thing or two from you on being a respectful student. And Ace fires back on you being a SLAVE. Of course, his overbearing ass would love that. And Riddle has to really think about what kinda person that makes him that he didn't even notice.

He talks to you, wanting personal confirmation on what Ace had blurted out. Once he gets the confirmation, his attitude gets much softer. You don't get as harsh treatment for rule-breaking, but he's still stern about them.

End game, he makes up a secondary set of rules for you only. Rules like 'We say something if we are uncomfortable' or 'We are allowed to say No'. He just gets much softer but remains true on rules being important. He just also stresses that you should have your own personal rules now.

Leona

Clocked immediately you came from a background of servitude, though he wasn't aware how severe it was.

He didn't plan on getting invovled but his little bleeding heart took Ruggie under his wing for a reason. It was one part pity and mostly annoyance seeing you getting bullied by his dorm everyday.

You basically get 'Leona's Servant' boot camp with Ruggie suddenly. He teaches you how Leona likes his laundry tended to and what snack flavors he prefers. It's a smooth transition from slave to servant until Ruggie tells you it's free game to steal from Leona.

Leona never brings it up, but he knows your old home was not a good environment. He also knows he can't just fling you into a healthier dynamic with those around you, so he'll do it slowly and sneakily. Ruggie is the perfect one to bridge the gap for him to start spoiling you.

Azul

Knew something was off but had no real frame of reference. He would make little theories and try to figure out why you act the way you do. He only started thinking you had come from a background of servitude when you follow orders so quickly.

Honestly doesn't know how to feel because he did do slavery in tricking the contracted students into working at the lounge against their will. He's not entirely sure how to save face with you after he's come across as a cruel and unfair slaver. Lowkey uses his overblot aftermath as an excuse for a fresh start with you.

He starts treating you kinder, making sure to address you properly and showing that he respects you. People from his dorm follow his lead, at least. The Tweels are part-time bodyguards, making your old bullies more hesitant to start anything because an eel might slip out of a crack or something.

Azul is a sneaky one too, slowly helping you raise your standard of how you should be treated by others. If you get him blabbing long enough, he'll slip into just stating how precious you are to him.

Jamil

I'm sorry, even with the English sanitation, Jamil’s situation can only come across as slavery to me. He's a very well cared for slave because Kalim adores him, but a slave none the less.

It's a little jarring to him to see someone who really could understand. But he's so used to keeping himself guarded he never reached out in a friendly sense. Treating you more like a new coworker; helpful but distant. It wasn't until you accidently broke something in Scarabia and nearly had a panic attack when Kalim looked at you does he realize how severe punishment was back in your world.

Gets much softer to you. It's sad because he does love and care about you, but he would not allow you to be with him long term. You've managed to come to a new world where your old masters can't reach you, you're free. Don't waste it following him back into a life of servitude.

Jamil would understand you the best so he'd be the one to really push and guide you to trying new experiences with your freedom. Wants you to be selfish and use your friends' kindness to make your life better. If he never gets his dream of being able to travel the world he wants you to be able to.

(Should the miracle happen and he and Kalim have the conversation finally, Jamil would go globe trotting with you. He legit has thoughts of just not going back and disappearing with you.)

Vil

I don't think he'd mean anything malicious by it. But he would end up treating you like a purse dog for a while.

Vil has a strong and cemented personality and sense of worth. Dealing with someone as passive as an abused slave, he would easily bulldoze over them and not really notice. Because he'd basically have you on the 'Betterment Plan' he has Epel.

He saw the potential and just kept going because you never said stop. Lots of beauty routines, he picks outfits for you for outings, basically has you as his shadow before either Rook or Epel bring up how he's running you ragged.

Vil never dealt with someone who's come from the situation you did. The very idea that 'No' wasn't a boundary you were ever allowed horrified him for a bit. But like the queen he is, he doesn't try to defend his misstep and goes right into correcting his behavior. The introduction of choices was the best start, but you slowly start saying no to events and choices and Vil couldn't be more delighted.

Idia

Lowkey, I'm not sure if he'd notice in any capacity until you told him point-blank. Idia is the one of the boys who sticks mostly to himself and he'd avoid you if he saw you constantly being hounded by other students.

But, if you managed to get close enough to him, he'd question why you always freeze up when your bullies call you? Why running isn't an option you take? And then you'd tell him about where you came from and how running never ended well for you or the other slaves...

He's not one I think would actively try to curb your behaviors but it would effect his own. Now when he sees you being bullied there's a high chance he'll use what power he has a housewarden to get them to leave. When he's sneaking around, he'll catch your eye and give the mental offer to come hide out in his room with him. He becomes a legit safe space for you to just breath since no one but Ortho really enters his room.

He's had to stop you multiple times from cleaning his room. Yes, it's a mess. No, you don't have to thank him by cleaning. Yes, he's aware you can also keep his stuff organized for him while you clean. You don't have to clean, you aren't his maid. (He is terrified he will ruin your friendship the second you find anything embarrassing under his piles of junk. Like a body pillow, or a 18+ comic, or a stray love note he wrote you-)

Malleus

Adorable you think the bonds of slavery from an unknown world matter to him. Malleus is...a prince, a crown prince at that. I don't think he has 'slaves' but with servants of royalty, I'm never really sure. But anyhow, this boy hasn't been told no enough in his life and it shows.

So when you try to back away from the friendship a bit under the fact of you being a slave and not...worthy of his princely company. He just decides you aren't a slave anymore. Just wills and speaks it into existence. There, it's fixed. You can continue being his beloved child of man, now come. He has a new gargoyle he wants to show you.

Fae to me have favorites, and they love to keep an eye on them. So god help some poor schmuck who tries to bully you into doing their work after Malleus has decided you don't do that anymore... You start saying No and leaving the situation with much more effectiveness because the other choice is Malleus making some poor student drop out for fear of their life.

Malleus canonically ignores the autonomy of others for his own gain. So it would be a really weird balance of him simply stating that you are your own being capable of choice and that your old-world status as a slave doesn't matter here. But with that new free status, you are also his best friend, who will come on night walks with him, talk with him, and make friendship bracelets.

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #twst wonderland #riddle rosehearts #riddle x reader #leona kingscholar #leona x reader #azul ashengrotto #azul x reader #jamil viper #jamil x reader #vil schoenheit #vil x reader #idia shroud #idia x reader #malleus draconia #malleus x reader #requests

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aquickstart · 1 year ago

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i need to talk to you guys about the colors of the Cattons (Felix specifically) and Oliver. the clothes they are wearing are telling the story of Oliver taking over and leaving his mark throughout the whole movie, with Oliver's failures and successes and a final triumph. holy shit. get in. this is long and ends in ancient greek culture trivia. let;s talk please.

disclaimer: am starting from Oliver's arrival at Saltburn. before that the outfits are also very intentional, but it's a lot more complicated and it has been discussed before. the world distorts once we are at Saltburn and the story gets truly gothic there, and every detail—including color!—is enhanced in meaning. also, special thanks to @kivlaro for doing this with me, the thoughts on this specifically and the Saltburn craze on the whole. pics and detailed analysis under the cut!

let's start from the beginning. here is Oliver at the door. simple, blue shirt.

the shirt is sort of its own character. logically it makes sense as Oliver's suitcase is small and he spends the whole summer there, of course he'll rewear stuff a bunch. but it is blue.

in contrast to Felix, in yellow. yellow is one of Felix's colors (he is the sun, which i've talked about here btw, so this makes sense).

same to Pamela, in blue. first time we see her, she is next to Elspeth, wearing the color that is Oliver's, taking the place that he takes right away, in this very scene. the only other time she is physically present on screen is at dinner, in black and white, and black and white are a blank slate. she is stripped of color and gone very fast.

a bit of crucial data for later: Oliver, in blue, and Felix in pink. pink is very important on Felix. this is their first morning together. they are separate and opposite, solid, contained.

where it starts to get good is the morning after the vampire strike.

Venetia is a Felix extension, just as everyone in the house is to Oliver. i will eventually rant about Saltburn as a whole entity and Cattons as aspects of one self, and Oliver as psychosis, but not here. so, yes, Venetia is a pink riot, a euphoria of self-containment because Oliver gave her a piece of something she felt she lacked to feel whole (validation, attention, care), not a piece of blue, of himself. Oliver is expectedly solid blue. Felix is incredibly interesting and something i didn't pay much attention to at first: predominantly blue, incredibly upset at Oliver for ditching him, with a tile of bright red (on the left! close to heart! over-reaching here but like still!), which still tracks. i mean, really, if i had so much foreign color bleed into me and then abandoned, i'd be pissed, too. nice little touch is sir James' beloved hydrangeas, behind Felix, also pink, very pink, always pink; i don't think i've seen them blue in the movie, although the sort exists.

Farleigh. sweet baby Farleigh i love you. I'm not dead-set on my interpretation of this specifically but i think multiple things are happening with Oliver and Farleigh here. like Rent, which is their song, blue is their color of outsiders and the triers to fit in. Farleigh points out the favoritism and preference of Oliver to him and his mother here, so it may also be appropriation of color to draw attention to Farleigh as almost (but never quite) Oliver. it may also be as simple as that Farleigh, as much as he denies and resists, still retains Oliver's influence, which bleeds into him very slowly.

a nice little moment of Felix wearing blue swim shorts with just tiny specks of a pink pattern. Oliver's shorts also have a bit of pink, but less than Felix's. Oliver is pretty good at remaining unaffected and uninfluenced overall.

and we're getting to where it all clicked and started for me. the Quick family house, the failed reconciliation, and the immediate aftermath. oh it's so good.

on the drive there, Oliver is blue, Felix has a pink polo shirt with a solid blue pullover over it. this is the most blue Felix has ever been (this is the most blue he will ever be!), this is trust. however shaky and toxic it is, Felix loves Oliver and accepts him into his world. as a side note, Oliver's parents are also very blue, mom more so than dad. nice!

and then it crashes. immediately after, it's the evening of the same day, but Felix is not wearing the blue pullover anymore. this is very, very important. this is rejection. it's the end for Oliver in Felix's world and with his trust. Felix, again, in solid pink, Oliver in solid blue. Felix successfully rips him out with the roots and everything. ouch.

daddy. sorry. is that highlighter? sweat? fuck. let me- daddy. SORRY

no i actually have a point about this.

the clothes are replaced by the lights, but we roll with it. Oliver basks in the blue-green light, while Felix is on the other side, in pink and purple and red. sure, blue shines through, and Oliver also walks through the slashes of pink, but it is mostly pretty separate, Oliver watching Felix's pink in his own blue from a distance.

the morning after palette is deep. the wine color that is so prominent in these scenes is fascinating to me. if i were to over-reach again i'd say it's the Oliver in Felix's attributes and in his place that requires the robe to be so dark, not usual definite pink, because deep blue has leaked into the color itself, mixed with it, made itself integral to the shade. but it's also just a nice color, and it is pink in its core. the flowers (with sir James in the background) i think are also this specific shade for the same reason. you look at what remains of Felix everywhere here, and it is his color.

and finally oh the lunch scene. the last supper. the judgement day. the who's afraid of virginia woolf madness.

i think we've established what's up with Oliver, but i also think it's important that he is his own color at lunch but in Felix's pink/wine right before and after. lunch is where he attacks, whereas before and after is where he grieves and enjoys. Farleigh is almost completely blue save for a strip of the same deep pink, and he is soon cast out, and Venetia is striped, blue and pink/salmon, affected deeply by Oliver yet still clinging on to the Catton pink with grief, probably, but also love for Felix.

and after all this, Oliver leaves himself.

no, like, actually, literally himself. sure, he'd got a taste of the Cattons and the pink, but he is a monolith, a solid blue when he leaves Saltburn. he has not been affected by the house, he has taken what he wanted but stayed true and whole. what a power move, honestly.

but it's an even bigger deal that 16 years later, Elspeth runs into Oliver wearing all white and a blue scarf. oh, she's not let this go, alright; it was a long time ago, "but not to me," she says. What Oliver has been up to in that time is a great question, without a doubt he's been keeping tabs on the remaining family as much as he could; but Elspeth has never moved on, either. She has held on to Oliver's blue and the pink is not important at all now. Oliver, of course, is invariably, unwaveringly blue. welcome back to his show.

and welcome back to his triumph.

the only color (except for, again, white and black) we see him wear in the flashback about Saltburn inheritance is the all-too familiar deep pink. wine. bright pink mixed with deep blue.

now i will take a liberty and step back, over-reach, over-interpret and go insane. here's a fun bit on ancient greek culture trivia for you.

this is an interesting and complicated historiographical and linguistic debate that i will not even attempt to relay here, but the essence of it is this: for us, the sea is conventionally deep blue. historically, one of the most prominent civilizations considered "deep wine" to be the descriptor for it (not necessarily the color but the property. highly rec to look this up it's so fascinating). what it gives me here is that Oliver has changed color, but not his self. he has integrated, mixed, but persisted, completely winning over, triumphing. long live the king!

in conclusion, i would just like to propose "colors" by halsey as the next cattonquick anthem. thank you for your attention, please let me know your thoughts. yours, yes, you. cheers. god. peace out

#saltburn #cattonquick #quickstart #oliver quick #farleigh start #felix catton #venetia catton #mine #saltburn journaling

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inmyheaddd · 5 months ago

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tornado warnings - luke castellan x reader

⤷ “i think somehow in my mind, if i can convince him— if he doesn’t see it, then maybe it doesn’t exist.”

summary: the aftermath of your best-friend-or- something-more luke’s betrayal, where he comes to ask you to join him. everyone’s asking how you’re holding up, and it feels better to lie than accept the harsh truth. warnings: angsty angst, fluffy flashbacks, kissing, takes place in first book, percy is the best little brother figure!!, (this is vv heavily based on tornado warnings by sabrina)

you didn’t know, you really didn’t know.

i mean, you should’ve.

luke had been acting strange, and every time you asked him what was up, he would say nothing and do something like kissing your forehead - knowing it would make you whirl.

looking back, was any of that real? or was he just being affectionate to keep your suspicions at bay.

was he playing with your emotions, just because he knew that he could?

the dining pavilion buzzed with noise, but all of it felt distant, muffled, like you were underwater. you caught glimpses of the looks—the counselors and camp members pretending not to stare but always whispering about you.

they pitied you. you hated it.

—

“you’ve been pretty quiet lately.” the new camp therapists voice broke the silence: soft, but you could hear the way she was trying to get you to lead into something more. “i can’t imagine it’s easy, with everything that’s happened.”

you hated that—how patient they all were, like they were just waiting for you to crack.

“there’s not much to say.” you shrugged, “i seriously don’t care. i mean— he made his choice, right?”

“it’s okay to be hurt, i know you and luke were close. he meant a lot to you.”

your stomach still dropped at his name. you hated how much it still stung to hear it out loud.

“not like that,” you muttered. “everyone keeps saying that, but it wasn’t… like that.”

the silence stretched, and you felt the weight of it, pressing you down until the memories you’d been shoving away started creeping back in.

“everyone’s just making things up. yeah, we were close, but…”

she was silent for a second, jotting something down in her book.

seriously, why did you have to be here? this was not helping.

“so, you had no romantic relations with him?”

“no, no no no. never.” you shook your head, but you had a feeling she still didn’t believe you.

“i— well.” you choked on your words. “i had a crush on him for a little bit,” not a lie, “but it’s not like we ever kissed or anything.“

she nodded, jotting another thing before closing her book and placing it beside her.

she crossed her legs as she took off her glasses, in a faux display of a sense of comfort, as if it would get you to feel the same. “how are you really feeling about all of this? how do you think seeing him like this affected you?”

you stayed silent for a second. if you were being honest, you felt like you were suffocating.

was it selfish that the worst part wasn’t the fact that he betrayed everyone, but the fact that you lost your best friend?

“i didn’t even see him before he left— before everyone knew about what happened, so… not a lot.” you said through a forced, hollow chuckle.

why was it so hard to admit the truth when it came to him?

“you didn’t?”

“no.” you responded far too fast. “i’m probably dead to him.”

—

last spring…

“shh, everyone’s sleeping.” you dragged a very drunk luke through the woods, to get to the back door of your cabin. it was ridiculous how hard it was to get him back to his cabin without making noise.

“i am shhh-ing! i’m so quiet.” he slurred his words as he finished the rest of his ice cream you two had snuck out for.

“luke, shut up.” you tried your hardest to keep a serious face as you turned to look at him, but you couldn’t stop giggling.

he immediately began laughing too. standing in the dark of the night, stars twinkling in the sky as you stood in the middle of the woods.

you looked up at him, “shh!” you managed, still laughing despite yourself.

“you shh.” he countered, pointing at you sloppily with an accusing look on his face.

“we’re gonna get caught,” you said slightly strained, struggling to hold him upright as he swayed dangerously close to falling over.

“no,” he grinned, leaning on you a little too heavily. “you’re with me. no one’s catching us.”

his confidence was misplaced, but it was so… luke; always sure things would go his way. “we’re definitely getting caught if you accidentally push me over and kill me.”

“i’m so sneaky,” he ignored your protests, drawing out the words as if it made him more convincing. “you’re lucky to have me.”

“oh yeah, super lucky,” you rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t help smiling as he leaned on you for support. “now come on,” you laughed, “before we—”

but you stopped, noticing the way his laughter had faded, replaced by a silence that felt different. his eyes were fixed on you, more serious than before.

he was standing upright now, and the humor felt far away.

your smile faded as you continued looked at each other, and you began to feel like there was something on your face with the way he was looking so intently.

“what?” you murmured, as you brought a hand to the corner of your lips, seemingly the spot his eyes kept flickering to, “ice cream?”

“no, no,” he murmured, shaking his his head, “i…”

he seemed to have sobered up quick. “can i kiss you?” he whispered the words so suddenly, with a hint of hesitation. it took you a moment to register what he was asking you.

your breath caught in your throat as you stared at him, and soon enough a smile tugged at the corner of your lips before you could stop it.

luke’s sly grin returned, his confidence back just enough to tease you.

“yeah?” he murmured with that smile of his as one of his hands came up to your face.

you rolled your eyes in response, not able to wipe the smile off your face as luke leaned in. it was impossible to hide how much you wanted this too. “yeah, idiot.”

with one hand cupping your face, the other on your waist and pulling you close, he finally pressed his to yours.

your lips moved against him slowly at first, but you quickly gained rhythm against his.

he tasted sweet with the remnants of the ice cream from earlier still lingering in his mouth.

you could stay like this forever.

—

after you pulled back, he stumbled a little as you both started walking again. his arm slung around your shoulders and you guided him to the last few feet to the back door of your cabin.

“we’re so dead,” you muttered, but there wasn’t any real urgency in your voice now.

“nah,” luke grinned, leaning in close as you reached the door, his breath warm against your ear. “we didn’t get caught.”

you glanced around, finding that the coast was clear, and you couldn’t help but laugh. “not yet.”

he laughed too, his arm slipping down to your waist as you both quietly walked the rest of the way. you made it to the door, and he gave you a triumphant look, eyebrows raised.

“see?” he whispered, pulling you close for one more kiss before you had to go inside your respective cabin.

“told you. we’re so sneaky.”

you shook your head, trying not to laugh again as you said goodbye to him and watched him send you a wink as he walked back to the hermes cabin.

the warmth of his kiss was still lingering on your lips as you lay in your bed hours later.

—

present…

you sat by the lake, knees pulled to your chest, staring out over the water.

“hey.” percy’s voice startled you from your thoughts. you hadn’t heard him walk up. he stood there for a moment, awkward like he wasn’t sure if you wanted company.

you didn’t, but he sat down anyway.

you stayed silent, staring out at the lake. percy’s presence was comforting in its own way—he didn’t push like everyone else.

he just waited, giving you time. finally, he broke the quiet. “you know it’s not your fault, right?”

you tensed. you’d heard it before, from chiron, annabeth—everyone. but somehow, hearing it from percy made it harder to dismiss.

“don’t make this about me,” you said through another forced chuckle, “he almost killed you, perce. i’m…” you shook your head. “i’m so sorry.”

“you didn’t make him do this, why are you sorry?”

you let out a long exhale. “i could’ve stopped him,” you said, barely above a whisper. “maybe if i’d tried harder, if i’d been there for him more or something”

“no,” percy cut in, his tone gentle but firm. “this isn’t on you. you couldn’t have known— the guy fooled everyone.” percy continued solemnly, and you just nodded in response as you stared at your knees.

in some sort of moment of understanding, he gave you a sympathetic look.

“i’m sorry that you lost a friend.” the boy ended with.

“yeah,” you nodded, “me too.”

—

2 nights earlier…

the sky was dark with the stars hidden behind the thick clouds. the air felt hot.

“luke…?” you spoke into the dark woods, leaves crunching under you as you stepped slowly. “what- what are you doing here?” you had some big speech prepared as you walked here to meet him.

he sent you a note asking to meet you. you only went because you wanted to make him hurt, like how he hurt you.

but now, standing in front of him, you felt like you had forgotten every word in the english language.

“come with me,” he said, standing up the second he saw you and walking up towards you with pleading eyes. “leave all this behind. you deserve better, you know you do.”

you couldn’t believe what you were hearing. “you lied to me, you lied to everyone. you hurt me.”

“we deserve to live our life! the gods don’t care about us, we’re pawns in their game.” he said expressively, his emotions reflecting in his voice.

“i’m trying to give us a chance.” his voice was lower now as he reached out his hands for yours.

you shrugged his hands off of you, taking a step back as you shook your head.

“we? us? there is no us, luke. not anymore.”

“don’t be like that, please.” he begged, “i’m doing this for us.”

“no,” you shook your head, taking a step back, “you’re doing this for yourself.”

he was growing more exasperated by the second. “you don’t get it. you never did.”

the words stung more than you wanted to admit. he would tell you you were the only one who had understood. you thought you knew him— you’d seen his pain, the way he felt betrayed by the gods, his dad, by everything.

but this? this wasn’t the luke you knew.

he seemed to notice the hurt in your eyes, so he stepped forward, his voice softer this time. “i need you with me,” he said, his hand cupping the side of your face.

“you and me… we’re the same. we don’t belong here. we’re better than this.”

his words were tender, coaxing, and for a moment, just a moment, you wanted to believe him. “i love you.”

you shook your head, looking down at your shoes, “don’t say that.”

he ignored you, pressing on and on. “just think about it. when was the last time you felt like you were really living in this place?”

every moment with you, a part of you screamed.

did everything that happened mean that little to him?

did everything really feel like a chore? everything?

“this is my home. this is the only place that has ever felt like home.” you retorted as you stepped back, regaining your senses as you crossed your arms over your chest.

“you’re insane if you think i’m leaving everything behind for you.”

gods, how you wish you never met him.

how you wish you never fell for him, how you wished you never kissed him, how you wish you hadn’t come out here into the woods after seeing that stupid note in scrawled handwriting you knew to be his on your bed, asking you meet him.

luke pressed his lips together, “i see how it is.” his jaw clenched as he turned his face away from you, looking down to the side as he shook his head.

“don’t say i didn’t warn you.”

your eyes prickled. “i hate you.” you spat.

he was silent for a moment, “yeah.” he nodded as he brought his head to meet yours, swallowing thickly as his eyes cut through yours for probably the last time.

“i know.”

present…

you crossed your arms tighter, as if that would help hold you together.

“sometimes,” the therapist said, her voice still maddeningly soft, “we tell ourselves things didn’t happen the way they did, because it’s easier than admitting how much they hurt.”

you chewed on your bottom lip, refusing to meet her eyes. “i don’t know what you’re talking about.”

but the lie sat heavy in your chest, because you did know. you knew exactly what she was talking about.

the truth was, you thought about him all the time. about that kiss, about how you almost felt like saying yes to him. about how much you missed him, even now, even after everything.

but you couldn’t admit that. not here. not to her. not to anyone.

so you stayed quiet, letting the lie sit between you both, heavy and suffocating.

because it was easier than the truth.

taglist: @lovethornes @littlemissmentallyunstable @midiosaamor @maybxlle @imaseabear

@sheisntyou @off-to-the-r4ces @anintellectualintellectual

#luke castellan x reader #luke castellan #luke castellan angst #luke castellan fluff #luke castellan fanfic #pjo #pjo hoo toa #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #pjo fanfic #❦ jude writes

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yumeka-sxf · 2 years ago

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Seems like this chapter just about wrapped up the Mole Hunt arc. I decided to analyze a bit more than I usually do with my chapter reviews since there was a lot to talk about on the Twiyor front!

When Fiona questioned Twilight about not killing Yuri, he gave his official "for the mission" reason, but slipped up by calling Yor "Yor-san" instead of "Yor Briar." This made it obvious to Fiona (who already knows about him softening) that he's trying desperately hard to cover up those feelings. Even though this would have been a good opportunity for her to imply that she's a better fit for the wife role, she doesn't even try because she knows Twilight would defend "Yor-san" in every subtle way he could.

When he gets home and finds out that Yor doesn't actually have gripes with him, he's relieved of that last load of stress and is finally able to relax, causing him to collapse (similar to the very first chapter when he collapsed after Anya passed the Eden entrance exam). After he realizes how utterly exhausted he is, he can't help but ask Yor to help out with his housework.

Her reply is what really makes everything sink in for him - despite all his attempts to be a flawless spy, she doesn't want him to be that way. She's happy when she can be useful to him and thinks it's bad if he pushes himself to be perfect all the time.

And yet, that's exactly what he has to be in order to survive as a spy. The fact that he had to ask someone for help with simple housework, plus someone telling him that he doesn't have to be perfect, made him recall the feeling he had when he looked into Wheeler's eyes...that he lives in a world where you have to be perfect in order to survive, and having any kind of weakness just won't due.

While Twilight continues to be clueless about Fiona's feelings for him among other things, what he does realize at the end of this arc is his own feelings - that he does have a weakness. He's beginning to understand more than ever that a spy can't afford to be anything but perfect. And yet, his refusal to kill Yuri, which is a result of him caring about Yor (even though he gave Fiona his usual "for the mission" reason, she saw right through it) is conflicting him even more.

I also have to point out how considerate Yor was of Loid's exhaustion - she completely pushed Yuri away, even after noticing he was injured. She didn't even invite him to stay and have tea with them!

What Twilight was about to say to Yor (in his mind) before Yuri interrupted is debatable, but going by his previous line of thought, it was probably something bittersweet like "which is why...once Operation Strix is over, I'll have to leave the Forgers" or possibly something more immediate, where he now realizes how compromised he truly is and so might reconsider the stipulations of Operation Strix even before it's over. Though I think it's more of the former since his thoughts in the shower in the next scene make it seem like he's not ready to do anything drastic yet, but the idea is still gnawing at him.

Fiona had noticed his leaking emotions way back when she was first introduced, but this is the first time Twilight himself is realizing it and not denying it. Whether anything major will change in his actions from now on is yet to be seen. Will there be another aftermath chapter or two with Twilight still being jostled by this realization? Or will things go back to normal now and he'll brush those feelings aside for another day? It seems like Yuri has been totally thrown off the scent, so his identity should be safe for the time being. Will Anya get to read his mind the next morning and finally find out everything that happened? The next new chapter won't be out for another 4 weeks, so brace yourself for a grueling wait!

#spy x family #spy family #sxf #spyxfamily #loid forger #yor forger #twiyor #sxf manga #sxf manga spoilers #sxf spoilers

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cringefailvox · 4 months ago

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Sometimes it makes me so sad nobody went looking for Alastor after the battle. Sure, maybe they knew he was still alive from Husk, and that he likes his privacy , but your hotelier goes MIA after fighting an angel only the devil from the Bible can beat? And you don’t follow up on that?

“So long as I have all of you with me!” 🎶 she sings, notably NOT having everyone with her.

I really hope they bring this up in season 2. Does it get to Alastor that he is not considered part of the group? That nobody was thinking of him after all he did to get the hotel started?

Can Vox use this point to discredit the Hotel? “ The Hazbin Hotel, where everyone is welcome and everyone deserves a shot at redemption! Unless, of course, we deem you too far gone, in which case, you can go f*** yourself while we eat pancakes” ( side by side videos of Al beaten up and the crew recovering with Lucifer’s promised pancakes)

i ALSO think about this all the time. on a practical level it makes sense that we'd have to trim the finale down to something manageable, and really all they had time for at the very end was a resounding musical finish, which necessarily glosses over some loose ends like this, BUT. on a personal level i would've killed to see whether the hotel actually thought alastor was dead or not. because as soon as adam joins the fight, charlie says "alastor was supposed to handle him! oh, no, he must be—" MUST BE WHAT??? and then we simply never mention him again. they're all clearly delighted to see him (except lucifer and husk, of course) when he comes back, which makes me think they at least knew he was alive, but might be unaware he was seriously injured—it seems possible that they wouldn't really consider alastor could be genuinely harmed, after all the time he's spent building himself up as the terrifying guardian of the hotel that can't be fazed by anything. think blitzo's "he can get hurt?" moment in western energy: the radio demon can't be dead. he can't be hurt. he's alastor.

now, would alastor himself be bothered that they didn't look for him? one hundred percent. perhaps he tells himself good riddance, he didn't want to form genuine bonds with these people anyway, friendship makes you vulnerable, friendship invites intrusions on your life and privacy that you never asked for, etc. but the night before the battle he basically confessed to niffty that he's grown accustomed to the hotel gang and enjoys being around them. he's not antisocial, he's just maladjusted and values his independence, and it visibly stings when he learns that not a single overlord cares to investigate his disappearance at the meeting in ep 3. whether or not he would have told the truth or welcomed any line of questioning is irrelevant. it's the principle of the thing—he wants people to be curious about him, he likes to cultivate a mystery, he wants to be chased. and then... no one does.

so ohhh yes i think it gets under his skin, and he absolutely resents that it does. i'd also love for this to get brought up in s2, i think it could make for a scene where charlie pulls him aside, thanks him for helping them during the battle, and that they were worried about him in the aftermath, because i'd LOVE to see alastor 1) immediately brush this off and redirect her energy somewhere else, and 2) have a Moment of conflicted emotion about how that open statement of affection makes him feel before visibly crushing it to dust. repressed king

i'm very intrigued by the vox thing too. that'd be such an interesting tack for him to take, to discredit the hotel by trying to form a wedge between alastor and the hotel through a kind of warped sympathy. like "i'm not a fan of the guy either, but yeesh! sure does paint a picture, doesn't it?" which alastor would fucking hate, but can he really bring himself to disagree? SO delicious.

#ty v much for the ask #hazbin hotel #alastor #charlie morningstar #vox #op #ask

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darkwaveho · 5 months ago

Text

Mini Burden

Summary: The aftermath of Natasha doing the unthinkable to her daughter.

Mob!Natasha Romanoff x reader, Mob!Natasha Romanoff x Oc!daughter

Warnings: hurt comfort, angst?, mentions of abuse, mentions of spanking, ptsd?, unpacked truama, fluff?

Previous part

series masterlist

It’s been a week and every day since Natasha has blown up your phone with calls and messages, you've ignored them all. Even blocked her number all together. That didn't stop her from using an unknown number. The last few days you had to shower Anastasia with a lot of tender care. It was a pretty traumatic experience for her. Not used to being on the receiving end of a harsh slap or harsh words can really break you down mentally no matter the age. This memory will forever be burned into your brain, the thoughts of you holding her while she asks why her mama hit her or why did her mama hate her. Her curious mind has questions, and she needs the answers, but the truthful answers are only ones Natasha can give.

Your mind drifts away to these thoughts while you're giving Anastasia a bath. It takes for a flick of warm water to your face for you to come back to reality. You gasp immediately from the contact as Anastasia laughs. “Alright, sweet pea time to get out now.” she immediately hits you with a small, adorable pout. “A few more minutes mommy, please?” she has been in here long enough usually you use the finger prune method for her bath time, and her tiny fingers are way past the pruning stage. You sigh, not really seeing the herm in a few more minutes but you're exhausted. You've been taking Anastasia to school from this hotel, getting her ready, making dinner, breakfast, and lunch. It was a lot on you to do with your mind being elsewhere.

Not only has Natasha been bugging you Yelena has as well, she didn't take up for Natasha, but she also did not fully side with you, she didn't agree with what Natasha did, but she also thinks that you're overreacting for a small pop on the butt. You can't believe you are the only one with sense in this situation in the entire family dynamic. A knock at the door pulls you back out of your mind; you turn back to Anastasia as she waits for your response to her question that you never answered.

“A few more minutes and you’re out princess, I don't want my baby all pruned forever.” you don't shut the bathroom door as you leave out of your room just in case something happens, you're able to be alert and quick. As you make your way to the hotel room door you pause. Contemplating what you were going to do next. You didn't want to cause a scene, but you also don't want to deal with this. Through the peephole you see Natasha standing on the other side waiting patiently for you to open the door. God she can never take a hint and just let things play out, she can never just allow you space and for you to come back on your own after an argument or misunderstanding. Reluctantly you open the door, the immediate change in Natasha's demeanor shows. She’s attempted to straighten up her posture to look more confident, but you see through it. Just taking one look at her you know she’s not her usual self.

“Hey.�� Natasha releases a small breath, a relief of seeing your face even if it wasn’t being reciprocated by you. It doesn’t make sense to ask how she found you, you know how. You’d never be able to fully slip away from her no matter how hard you try. You don’t answer her, you simply stare back into her waiting for her to get to the point. Waiting to hear her excuses, apologies, or if she’d spew out more harmful nonsense like she did a few days ago. She looks tired, determined and broken behind her eyes. It’s clear to her that you don’t want to speak to her yet, if at all. So, she gets to the point of her being here.

“I would like to speak with Ana.” her initial response shocks you, she isn't even attempting to coax you into forgiving her first she’s direct about her mission tonight. She's here to fix things with Anastasia first. She’s asking, not demanding. Her ego and her power trip must’ve worn off within those three days of an empty house. you're still not sure about her request. The aftermath of everything took a huge toll on Anastasia. You're not sure how she’ll react to Natasha, if she wanted to see her or if she even felt safe enough to be near her own mother again. Natasha can see you pondering on it; she knows the word ‘no’ is right at the tip of your tongue. So, she does the one thing that she knows will get you to soften up. “Please.”

I don’t think that would be a good idea.” Shake your head and cross your arms as a protective response, this might be too soon of a conversation to have.

“Look I know I said some shitty things to you and about the way you parent. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for questioning your methods and putting blame on you because I didn’t know what to do in that situation or how to handle it.” Your silence is deafening to her. The desperation is real and slowly releasing from her body. “Y/n.” She searches for your eyes. She wants your approval, she needs it. “I just want to talk to her. To see her.”

A heartfelt and genuine apology you can count on one hand how many times you’ve received an apology like that from her. This was different, she struck her daughter. She frightened her and you as well. The moment of contemplation is nearly over. The final judgment is about to come out of your mouth, but warm, sweaty hands take hold in yours but between lies a crumpled texture. When you see the image in your hand the breath you release is involuntary. The painful memories are all coming back. You never wanted to see them again, hell you never wanted to take those photos of her in the first place. Never in a million years did you think that she would open the file. She’s been so good at running away or compartmentalizing her trauma.

It also pains you that she went through this trauma again alone. You want to say more you want to be there for her but you’re not sure if this is the right timing. This is bringing a whole new baggage into Anastasia’s world. A world where someone hurt her mama, a world where not only would she visually see it in her mind but physically on an old Polaroid picture. You can only shake your head hoping to rid yourself of those thoughts.

You clear your throat trying to remain firm on your stance but the sight in front of you makes it hard. Natasha stands in front of you with vulnerable eyes and you’ve noticed the subtle twitch of her fingers the moment you opened the door, all signs of her nervousness and anxiety. “Please.” She pushes again with that word. She’s trying hard not to break down right now; she'll save it for when she’s back home alone drowning in her own darkness. She relieved her past trauma alone in that house for three days with no comfort. The reality of it is you don’t know the reaction your daughter will have. You step back, and from the looks of it Natasha expects you to open the door for her entrance however she’s clearly mistaken when the door slams in her face. She stands there with her mouth gaped and her mind racing with all the ways she could have said something better. How she could have had a better outcome. She snaps out of her own head when the door opens again, this time with more than enough room for entry. “Dramatic much?” She’s snarky as she walks into the room. “Very.” You’re dismissive with her words, she's here to make amends with her daughter, you on the other hand will not be so forgiving, that takes a proper conversation between you two. You swiftly turnaround ignoring the way Natsaha's gaze lingered on your body. “I don't want her seeing that photo.” you point towards Natasha's jacket pocket.

The rim of the polaroid sticking out of her pocket haunts you with memories of your own that you wish to have erased. Natasha takes that as relief, she’s stared at the photo enough the past few days to become sick from it. She wouldn’t want to bring more of her past trauma and dump it on Anastasia anymore than she already has. Natasha nods her head in agreement with you and the award silence and tension fills the room. You quickly find an excuse to exit from being under her gaze. A soft, vulnerable Natasha is a weakness that you fear you will never be able to truly resist. You nod towards the door behind you. “She’s just finishing up her bath.” Natasha nods in understanding knowing how hard it is to get Ana out of the bath sometimes. Natasha grins at the thought but still awkwardly looks around the luxury hotel room doing anything to avoid your gaze. She feels like a guilty puppy right now. “You don’t have to stand, you know.”

“I’m fine.”

“You need to relax, you’re fidgeting Natasha.” She looks down at her fingers and instantly stalls her movements. She hadn’t realized she was doing that. “I’ll be back, sit down Nat.” You nod towards the sofa and leave her with a look that was not up for debate. Natasha sits down and thinks about what she wants to say to her daughter and most importantly how she wants to say it.

“Hey, monster.” Natasha's greeting receives no response, just a blank stare as if the young girl is looking at a stranger. Still Natasha pushes through, not letting the small change in communication deter her from making things right. Under any other circumstances Ana would’ve run into Natasha's arms practically knocking the air out of her but she still remains in her spot standing near you, she hasn't moved an inch or said a word. You and Natasha share a brief look between each other. Natasha clears her throat as she talks to Ana from her spot on the couch.

“Are you enjoying your time with mommy?” silence. You rub Ana's shoulders for comfort letting her know that everything is fine and that she doesn’t have to be guarded. That she's not in trouble. That her mama isn't angry with her. “Ana, mama is speaking to you.” She looks up at you and goes back to Natasha. “Yes.” Natasha briefly smiles before finding something else to continue the conversation. “What did you do today?” Natasha remains hopeful as she studies her daughter's face. She hasn't seen her in days, so she makes sure to take in every little detail. Her brown locks are coiled and damped from her bath. She’s in her favorite dinosaur pajamas that you and Natasha have to hide sometimes just so she can wear her other clothes and she always tops it off with her pink fluffy socks. The brief moment of analyzing is reminding Natasha that her actions can cause this to be a permanent arrangement where she only gets to see Ana on certain days. No longer under her presence 24/7.

“Mommy took me swimming in the big pool today.” Anastasia avoids all eye contact as she plays with her fingers, staring at a spot on the fancy rug. “That’s awesome, that means you've gotten better at your breathing techniques.” Natasha tries to keep the flow of conversation going but she's hit with another wall. An awkward tension. It's clear Ana won't go towards Natasha on her own and the hurt behind Natasha's eyes is too much to bear, so you come up with an excuse. You bend down slightly to gather Ana’s attention as you softly speak to her. “Hey, sweetie, I'm gonna run to the store for your dino nuggets, why don't you go sit with mama and tell her more about your hotel stay.” You gently nudge her forward as a sign to get closer to her mother but before you can even step away your movements are halted by a strong and tiny hand.

“Don’t go mommy.” She clutches on to your hand with a vice grip. The strength of your six-year-old was truly remarkable. The scene in front of Natasha breaks her heart. Her daughter was afraid of being left alone with her; she's scared of Natasha. It's taking everything in herself to not cry, to not stand up and leave, ultimately accepting this now tarnished mother daughter relationship. “It's going to be okay Ana; I won’t be long I promise.” That does nothing for the grip she has on you. She tugs your sleeve a little more silently begging for you to come closer to her. She looks back to Natasha on the couch and back to you as she lowly whispers in your ear.

“I don't want mama to get mad at me again.”

“I won’t, I’m not angry with you, Ana.” Natasha finally stands up wiping her sweaty hands on her slacks and moves closer to you two. The distance has become too much, almost suffocating to her. “I was wrong for doing that to you.” She swallows the harsh lump in her throat. She can't believe this is the conversation she is going to have with Ana. “I know that scared you, and I’m sorry.”

“Why did you do it?” The question packs a heavy punch that also requires a heavy answer that Natasha will have to censor for her daughter to understand and to not be afraid of the information. “I didn’t know how to stop you from having a tantrum. I’m still learning how to be a good mom for you. I try every day.” You want to cut in now, you want to erase what just came out of her mouth. You want to interrupt and tell her that she is a good mother despite her bumps on the road. Despite this incident or another incident, she’s always redeemed herself from her past mistakes and learned from them. You choose to remain silent and tell her these exact words in private right now it is about her and Ana. “You know my father didn’t put me in timeout or use a countdown.” she chuckles dryly as if this was something even remotely funny. It isn't. A clear coping mechanism to her being vulnerable and open.

“What did he do?” Anastasia's curiosity piques interest. You on the other hand weren't sure if this was appropriate for Ana's ears no matter how hard Natasha wanted her to understand where her head was in that store when she struck her. She can't bring herself to say it; a flash of memories invades her mind as she stares blankly into the open room. You definitely were not leaving this room now that Natasha has opened this door. You clear your throat, combing your fingers through Ana's hair as a gentle way to put focus on you instead.

“He hurt mama, he hurt her very badly and treated her terribly.” At this newfound information Anastasia frowns deeply. The thought of someone hurting Natasha saddens her. She doesn't even know Alexei, you and Natasha, both made it a point to never have her in the same room as him. She releases your hand and finally walks towards Natasha's frozen figure. Natasha suddenly snaps out of it at the feeling of her jacket sleeve being tugged. Looking down she’s met with familiarity and comfort. Her daughter's eyes.

“I’m sorry you were hurt, mama.” Natasha allows herself to release her tears, taking on the emotions that she’s kept bottled up for years to finally overflow. “I'm sorry for hurting you.” She pulls Anastasia into a hug and mumbles the words on the side of Ana's face as she deeply inhales and exhales. She pulls back from the embrace tucking the left side of Ana's hair behind her ear. She holds an unwavering eye contact with the six-year-old. “I will never hurt you like that again, okay?” Natasha nods her head for certainty, and Anastasia quickly follows her lead. “Okay.”

“I'm sorry too, mama.” Natasha looks at her curiously. “What are you talking about?” Anastasia looks back at your figure and looks back to Natasha. “It wasn't very nice to scream in the store and throw things on the floor.” Natasha chuckles, seemingly having forgotten all about how the situation started in the first place, but she’s proud of her daughter for being aware of her wrongdoing. “You're right it wasn't a very nice thing to do.” Anastasia holds her head down in shame, she knows what she did was wrong she's just so used to getting her way that day threw her off. Natasha would never shame her for it. She's just a child after all, a spoiled child but most importantly her child. She nudges her index finger under Ana's chin gently tilting it up for eye contact.

“Hey, it's alright. Thank you for apologizing.” Natasha plants soft and quick kisses across Ana's face as she starts a fit of giggles. You watch the interaction with a soft smile finally able to release a breath with the way things turned out. But the brief eye contact shared with Natasha is not giving the same type of vibes, she knows you will want a much more detailed discussion later on. You allow Natasha to stay longer, you still take the opportunity to get away from her for a moment.

Tell Ana that you were still going to get her nuggets from the store and now that she’s not constantly worried about Natasha spanking her again, she’s barely paying attention to you and your movements. Of course, Natasha tries to keep you in the room offering to just go out to eat or order room service instead. She’s missed you both, staying in an empty home alone does damage to the mind when you are not used to it. You quickly shot down the idea of having a family dinner, at least until everything is settled between you two as far as parenting goes.

When you return with grocery bags you head straight for the kitchen, placing everything in its place. Looking around the room you can tell the two of them made up for a week's worth of time lost. Toys are spread across the floor and snack wrappers are littered on the coffee table. Natasha has just finished reading Anastasia, her favorite bedtime story. “She’s out like a light.”

“That’s good, she had a long day.” You walk back into the kitchen area not wanting to be near her and remaining hopeful that her phone will ring so she can leave. She came here to make amends with Ana, and she's done that. Natasha can sense it, the tension is back, small talk and keeping the conversation on Ana won’t smooth things other with you. Natasha sighs sitting down at the counter.

“Can we talk now? Or are you going to keep acting like I'm a stranger?” She nervously nibbles on her bottom lip seemingly ready for whatever you have to throw her way. “I’m not sure there is anything to talk about Nat.” you keep your back turned to her, not in the mood to truly unpack everything that she said to you. “You said a lot at home, and you seemed like you meant every word.” you quickly turn around to face her, she's still seated at the counter, your words strike her heavily. She made you feel like you were the problem, like you were the one that needed to take a step back and evaluate the life decisions for Anastasia to be more than what the two of you experienced.

“Anything else you want to get off your chest about the way I parent or encourage you to parent our daughter. See how I said, "Our daughter, I wouldn't want you to feel like she’s only mine.” you send her the most ferocious glare she's ever seen coming from you. you scoff opening the fridge, grabbing a beer and quickly taking a sip. You don't even like drinking beer, it was too cheap for your liking. “I was not thinking clearly, I didn’t stop to think about how that would affect her or you.”

“Clearly not, but you still had those underlying feelings and I-” Natasha abruptly stands up from her seat and makes her way around the counter slowly edging towards you. She doesn't even want to know what you were about to finish your sentence with because that scares her, losing you has always been a fear of hers and since having Ana, losing her own little family scares her even more. She entraps you between the counter and her body, both of her hands on both sides of the marble countertop. “How do I know that you won't do it again? How do I know that the next time she has a melt down and I'm not there with you, that you won't spank her again or God forbid something worse?”

“Because I'm not him, I'm not a product of what he wanted me to be, not when it comes to her and not when it comes to being a mom.” Natasha's face contorted in pain; she's trying to hold back. There is a subtle strain to her voice that only you can pick up on. She reaches into her pocket; you have forgotten about it, but it's been burning a hole into her expensive fabrics since she left home. she brings the polaroid out of her pocket and stares at it repeating the same words she just said to you. “I’m not him.”

“I'm not him.”

“I’m not-” You bring her into a strong and warm embrace, dealing with that trauma alone it couldn't have been easy. “I know, you're not.” You rub up and down her back soothingly. Natasha doesn't cry like this often so you stand there holding her for as long as she needs you too. Eventually she pulls back but not too far away from you your lips finally meet in a soft and affectionate kiss. An eagerness and hunger starts to rise the longer the kiss continues, Natasha being away from you and being so vulnerable has caused her to be touched-starved. Before things get heated you pull away no matter how bad you wanted to keep going there was still something that needed to be addressed and understood. “I won’t allow Anastasia to be around that type of environment. We've worked so hard to shield her from it and give her better, I need you to remember that the next time you feel like you're losing control over how she handles her emotions.”

“You're right.” she wipes away her tears nodding in agreement with everything that you've said this entire time. What would happen the next time this happens? The look of pure fear her daughter had just by being in the same room as her hits her like a ton of bricks. Natasha never wants her daughter to be afraid of her. She needs to shake away that form of discipline out of her mind. It's been installed into her brain since a child.

“You have to unpack your shit, Nat.” you tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear and as you pull away from her, she holds your hand against the side of her face. “I will, I promise.” She's avoided any form of therapy or comfort when dealing with her traumatic childhood and past. However, now it's gotten to the point where she can no longer avoid it, she needs to deal with this head on professionally but for now you'll hold her, for now you'll console her and applaud her for being brave enough to revisit the past trauma and admit her mistake. A change will be made for the better, she swears by it. She can deal with the world fearing her, she likes it, actually thrives off of other fear from just her presence but she draws the line at her daughter.

“I’ll start looking for a therapist tomorrow.”

#mini burden au #natasha romanoff x reader #mob!nat #mob!natsha romanoff x reader #damage control au

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marauder-misprint · 6 days ago

Note

Here I am again, my favorite Harry Potter fandom writer :)

I saw something on TikTok, but I lost it because the page was refreshed before I could watch the end and see the creator of the video. But it gave me an idea:

Severus Snape's daughter x Marauders (which you know my preference is always Sirius 😘)

Severus doesn't have much love for his child since Lily is not her mother, but as a father who is aware of his own family history, he makes sure that his daughter lives a relatively happy life in good conditions. She will probably have a natural talent for potions and defense against the dark arts.

In this case, I honestly didn't think how to connect her to Sirius, there would probably be an age difference problem… ah but I want to hope that my favorite author can do something about impossible love 💕❤️😍

Cora! ❤︎ This did become an age-gap fic (approx. 16 years between reader and Sirius). I spent so much time on HP wiki trying to figure out canon birth years. I set it in OotP with a post-Azkaban Sirius.

Hopefully this works for impossible love ❤︎ I mean, Sirius is always gonna hate Severus but that doesn't mean Sirius can't love his daughter!

Snape Spawn

Sirius Black x Snape!reader

6.7k words

cw: age gap!, Y/N, pining?, snog, fluff if you squint

In the aftermath of losing Lily for calling her a mudblood, Severus became a pathetic mess. He lived more and more inside of his head just to survive. When he went home for the summer, he didn’t have the respite of Lily’s company when his parents became too much. To put it shortly and concisely, he found comfort in some girl’s arms, a girl also tempted by Voldemort’s preaching.

When he returned to Hogwarts in the fall, she wrote to him. He was going to be a father.

The girl didn’t survive much past your birth. Your grandparents took care of you for a few years, until they reached an age where they were unfit to do so. They returned you to Severus, being that he was now of age and able to fulfil his role of father.

He did so, although not gratefully.

You were raised in a tolerable home. Severus knew he couldn’t bring up a child in a home similar to the one he was raised in, so he did his best to ensure that you were happy. He found himself wishing you were the offspring of Lily, rather than some girl who would’ve joined the ranks of Voldemort. He kept you in the dark when he did join the Death Eaters. You were to be protected.

When Voldemort fell and Severus became a double agent, you were still unaware of everything. He took a job at Hogwarts as the Potions master, per Dumbledore’s request. You were watched over by a couple in Hogsmeade while he worked.

When you came of age, you attended Hogwarts, being sorted into Slytherin. Some people immediately questioned if Severus was fair when grading your assignments for his class; you had only received O’s from him. Despite your high grades across the board, next highest being Defense Against the Dark Arts, there was enough suspicion for Dumbledore to step in. When the headmaster deemed that your work was exceptional and far above the rest of your peers, the concerns settled down.

Your expertise in potion making rivaled that of your fathers, as did your passion for it. You made plenty of extra potions in your spare time. You had a complete collection of potions in your dorm. You would sell some for non-academic purposes, the most popular being various healing potions. You also supplied the veritaserum for Truth or Dares at parties. Despite being the daughter of the least-liked professor at Hogwarts, you were fairly well liked.

After you graduated, you opened an Apothecary in Diagon Alley. You and Severus spoke less and less. As he saw it, you were no longer his responsibility. And really, you weren’t. You didn’t reach out to him. Just the occasional letter to him at Christmas and his birthday and you received a letter on yours.

Then you got a letter from Severus that confused you. It said ‘Happy Birthday’ but your birthday had passed and you had already received your annual letter. There was something else off about the letter: several words were misspelled. Out of curiosity, you wrote down the correct letters and it spelled out a potion. It was one you always had in stock, although it was particularly difficult to brew. You knew it was a long shot and probably wouldn’t do anything, but you took the potion and poured it over the letter.

A short message appeared at the bottom.

Danger lies ahead. Meet me.

And then an address appeared with instructions.

You were quite confused when you arrived at 12 Grimmauld Place. You followed the directions left for you. You were even more confused when after you knocked on the door, you heard screaming from inside and then Remus Lupin opened the door.

“Erm, Professor?” you asked.

He stepped aside and let you in.

“Snape, she’s here!” he yelled down the hallway and then up the stairs, “Someone shut that portrait up!”

“Y/N,” Severus said, standing in the doorway at the end of the hallway. “You came.”

You held out the letter before saying deadpan, “It’s not my birthday.”

You looked past your father into a kitchen filled with people. Most of them were adults older than you, closer to your father’s age and older. Nymphandora Tonks was probably the person closest to your age. You looked back at Severus.

“What is this? What danger-?” you started to ask.

“Bring the girl in, we’ll fill her in with the door shut, please,” a firm, female voice said from within the kitchen.

Severus turned and you followed him into the kitchen, along with Remus. You recognized Molly and Arthur Weasley from graduation. You were in the same year as Percy, who was absent. The only other people you recognized were McGonagall and Mad-Eye Moody, from his picture in the paper.

You took a seat at the table and crossed your arms. You were waiting for an answer.

“So this is your spawn, Snivelly?” a smooth voice said from the end of the table that had been out of view from the door.

You turned your head to see Remus sit down next to Sirius Black. He looked more sane and put together than he did in all of his mug shots that littered the Daily Prophet two years ago.

“Merlin, when did you sire her? She’s older than Harry,” Sirius continued, eyeing you up and down.

It only made you narrow your eyes at him. The arrogance that he emanated didn’t sit well with you. You had a feeling that you weren’t going to like him, no matter how handsome you were beginning to think he was.

“None of your business,” Severus snarled, taking the seat next to you and putting himself between you and Sirius.

“She’s of age. Otherwise she wouldn’t be here and we wouldn’t be about to tell her about the Order,” Remus said.

The way that Remus looked at Sirius told you that Sirius would be filled in on you later. Remus had been one of your favorite professors at Hogwarts. It certainly helped that he taught your favorite subject and did a much better job at it than Lockhart did. Severus had warned you the moment Remus was hired that he was a werewolf. He had made you promise to remain in your dorm during full moons. Even with his Wolfsbane potion, Severus wanted Remus nowhere near you.

“The Order? Is someone going to explain? I had to close up shop early,” you said as you looked around the table.

“The Order of the Phoenix. Dumbledore founded it when You-Know-Who first rose to power. And now that he’s back…” Arthur said. “Arthur Weasley, by the way.”

“So he is… he is back?” you asked, looking at your father for confirmation.

He nodded.

“We fought him once and we’ll fight him again,” Moody said gruffly.

You folded your hands in front of you. You swallowed thickly, once again looking from person to person around the room.

“Where do I come into this?” you asked quietly.

“They want you to join,” Severus said. “They assumed you’d want to fight. Particularly, Lupin.”

You leaned forward to get a clear look at Remus and cocked an eyebrow when you made eye contact.

“You’re a talented witch, Y/N. You’ll want to be on the right side of this,” Remus said.

You thought about the idea of fighting. If Voldemort really was back, you knew there would be another war brewing and which side you would support.

“How do I help? What do I need to do?”

“Told you she’d agree,” Remus told Severus, a smirk appearing on his face.

Mad-Eye and Arthur went into a deeper discussion about what the Order did, how secretive they needed to be, how they would communicate with you. Remus added a random comment here and there. You nodded as you listened intently. You gave Severus the occasional glance but he sat with a stoney expression. Beyond him, Sirius watched you with an amused look that you didn’t like. In your opinion, this meeting of the Order was no place for an expression like that.

After the delegation of assignments and missions, Molly looked at you and said, “You’re welcome to stay for dinner if you’d like.”

“Oh, um, I don’t know…”

Severus put his hand on your shoulder, grabbing your attention.

“I’ll see you at the next meeting,” he said before disappearing out of the kitchen.

You briefly turned your head to watch him leave. You chuckled to yourself. Typical.

“Meeting’s over?” Hermione asked, entering the kitchen.

“Mum, what is for dinner?” Ron added, following her.

You and Molly moved to the side to allow for the new people entering and the members leaving. Then two pops could be heard from the hallway before Fred and George came in. Their eyes locked in on you.

“Snape! Long time!” George called, wearing a grin that matched his twin’s.

“Weasley one and two. How’d you two survive last year without me?”

“Dreadful. Had to find a new way into the Slytherin Common Room,” Fred answered. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“I guess I am now. Didn’t know you were here.”

“Wow, we rank that high?” Fred asked, giving you a wink and earning an eye roll from you.

“You rank because you funded the first few months of my shop’s rent,” you deadpanned before breaking into a smile. “And I want to know why you needed so many wiggenwelds.”

As the people in the kitchen shifted, you found yourself sat at the table again. This time, as you sat across from the twins with Tonks to your left, you felt older, less like the child in the room. Arthur, Molly, Remus and Sirius were the only other members of the Order who remained.

You turned to Tonks and muttered, “I thought this was going to be more of a… Order meal.”

She shook her head and gave Molly a weary glance. You both knew you weren’t supposed to talk about Order stuff around the younger kids, but you thought it was safe enough.

“Not many stay. Molly invites them every time.”

Then the twins took over your attention. They told you about what they got up to your last year at Hogwarts when they bought healing potion after healing potion from you. They recounted the Triward Tournament and everything that happened last year. At one point, you explained to Tonks how you let the twins into the Slytherin Common Room on several occasions so that they could prank some of your more foul housemates.

Sirius wouldn’t admit it, but he was listening intently to your conversation and stealing momentary glances of you.

Some time after you left and everyone had dispersed throughout the house, Remus sat with Sirius in the drawing room.

“When did you find out Snivellus had a kid?” Sirius asked.

“When her name appeared on my roster.”

“You taught her? And you didn’t tell me?”

“I hadn’t seen you in twelve years, Padfoot. It didn’t seem important. Why do you care so much?”

Sirius didn’t answer. He didn’t know why your existence was so intriguing to him. Maybe it was the shock that Severus had actually managed to be intimate with someone. Sirius had watched you all through the meeting and then practically all dinner. Seeing you interact with Tonks and the twins, and everyone really, made it clear that you were a much different person than Severus.

“You said she’d want to join. What made you think that?”

“You remember how Severus was in school, with the dark arts?” Remus asked. “She had that same intense interest, except in Defense. Wasn’t a better student in her year. I was shocked when I heard she wasn’t going for an Auror position.”

“Didn’t she say something about a shop?”

Remus nodded. “Follows Snivy in that sense. Runs an apothecary in Diagon Alley.”

“I’m still not over that Snivellus has a kid…” Sirius muttered with a sigh.

---

Over the next few weeks, you met more and more of the Order’s members. Each meeting was a different combination of people. Molly, Arthur, Remus and Sirius were the only consistents. The Weasleys were fine, as was Remus. He insisted that you call him by his name, being that he was no longer a professor and you were no longer a student. It took time.

And then there was Sirius. This handsome man who looked at you with ever-changing expressions. One day he would be intrigued by you and the next he would be disgusted. You exchanged very few words with him. He was always on the other side of the room. And yet, your eyes often locked with his.

“Remus, we need you to come with us,” Molly called from the door. “Y/N, can you stay? We’ll need healing potions when we get back.”

“Erm, yeah. Yeah, I can stay. Is there-” you started to ask.

“Potions station? Upstairs. Have Sirius show you,” Remus said before following Molly and Arthur out of the house.

Once the door closed, you sighed. You hadn’t been on a mission yet, and you knew it was because of how young you were. It was a bit frustrating. You were of age. They asked you to be a part of the order. And here you were, staying behind to be a potioneer. Yes, you were good at it, but you were also exceptional at dueling. Remus had told you that before.

You looked around for Sirius. He wasn’t in the kitchen or anywhere on the main floor. You checked the various rooms as you ascended the stairs. You asked the Weasleys and Hermione if they’d seen him and all you got were shrugs in response. Great.

Then, with a sigh because it was so obvious, you knocked on his bedroom’s door.

“What?” his voice bellowed from inside.

“Sirius, I, erm, I need a potion station? Profess-, ahem, Remus said to ask you for it,” you said loudly to ensure your voice carried through the closed door.

There was a moment of silence before the sounds of him grumbling and getting up before he opened the door. He was more casually dressed than you had ever seen him. You were caught off guard by how effortlessly handsome he was.

“Wait in the drawing room. I’ll bring it down.”

You nodded. Sirius turned to go higher up the stairs and you went the opposite direction. You paced around the drawing room while you waited for him to return. You set up your travel package of potion ingredients. You knew that the Order had some stock, but something told you that your personal stock would be of higher quality and you preferred it when you knew where each ingredient came from. The sources could really affect the effectiveness of a potion.

You jumped when the potion station clanked through the door, followed by a string of swears from Sirius.

“Sorry, just this damn thing…”

You looked at it with a subtle gasp.

“Merlin, that’s ancient.”

Once it was in the room, you took over levitating it toward the middle of the room so you would have plenty of room to maneuver around it.

“Well, it was my parents so…” Sirius’ voice trailed off, his eyes studying your every move. “Can’t say how much it actually got used around here.”

“I keep forgetting this is your parents’ place. Must be strange to have it turned into headquarters when you grew up here.”

You started a fire and immediately went into work mode, starting a large batch of classic wiggenwelds. Sirius unceremoniously fell into a rickety armchair before getting comfortable. Surely watching you work would be more entertaining than staring at the ceiling in his room.

“Strange doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

Without looking up from the cauldron, you asked, “How would you describe it then?”

“Horrible,” he said quickly. He didn’t even pause to think about it. “It’s a prison. It was when I was growing up here and it still is. Different kinds of torture, but it boils down to the same pain.”

You glanced at him through your eyelashes, only briefly as to keep the majority of your attention on the potion that was beginning to simmer. He looked utterly at ease in the chair.

“They say we can’t risk you getting captured. Dementor’s kiss and all.”

Sirius chucked. “They say… Like staying here isn’t sucking my soul out all the same.”

“It’s not exactly… cheerful.”

“My damned house elf was never a good housekeeper. Nor was my mother an interior designer. Parents took too much pride in their family heirlooms to consider taste.”

You hummed. “I take it you think you have taste, then?”

“Oh, I know I do. I mean, don’t take my room here for example. If you could see my room at the Potter Manor?” He shook his head with a sigh. “And I had barely settled after moving out when… when it all happened.”

You sat back on your heels, turning a muggle cooking timer you had in your pack. The potion needed to sit for some time.

“Do you want to talk about those years? Or should we change the subject?” you asked, placing some of your tools back into their case.

He barked a laugh and tilted his head back against the chair’s fraying material.

“Change the subject. There’s not much to say about sitting in a cell and rotting for twelve years.”

“Says the only man to escape Azkaban.”

“Different subject, darling.”

“Okay, okay. Can I ask why it feels like you’re always staring at me during meetings?”

“Easy. Because I am.”

The casualness in his answer took you by surprise. Who admits to staring at a person?

“Why?”

“You’re Snivy’s kid,” Sirius said like it was an obvious answer, but it made you frown.

“I take it you and my dad didn’t get along.”

“I wouldn’t say we were friends, no. But the feeling was mutual.”

“So Severus is my dad. Why does that make you stare?” you asked, standing up and crossing your arms over your chest. This time, it was you studying him, taking in every detail of his features.

Under your intense gaze, SIrius sat up in the chair and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

“Trying to figure out how much like him you are.”

You hummed. “I’m sure someone told you it doesn’t matter if you like dad or me. There’s a bigger problem at hand that doesn’t require us to be friends.”

Sirius flexed his eyebrows in mild annoyance.

“It’s not friendship I’m looking for from you,” he said, sounding irritated that he had to explain this. “Can I trust you? Can we trust you?”

You scoffed and took a step backwards.

“Why wouldn’t you be able to trust me?”

“Because I don’t trust your father. I don’t care if Dumbledore does. I don’t care he claims to be a changed man. Once a Death Eater, always a Death Eater.”

Suddenly, your expression changed into complete shock and disbelief. It hit Sirius that perhaps you didn’t know of your father’s history and the mark he bore on his left arm.

“Oh, you didn’t know…”

“Dad was… is… was…” you stuttered. “No… He-he can’t… What?”

“I’m sorry, I wouldn’t’ve said anything if I knew you didn’t know…”

“No,” you said, holding up a hand to silence Sirius. “I’m glad you told me. You really would think I would know that about my own father… Merlin…”

Sirius stood up and took exactly one step toward you. Then your timer went off. The cauldron captured all of your attention again. You removed it from the fire, stirred it and added the final ingredients. Sirius didn’t sit back down. He was too distracted with how you turned off your emotions to deal with the potion. It was like you suddenly didn’t care that a portion of your father’s identity had been hidden from you for your entire life because you had a duty, a duty to be prepared when the members of the Order returned.

“Sirius,” you said after a few minutes. “Thank you for telling me about my father.”

“They’re back!” Ginny yelled from downstairs.

“Great, help me take this down to the kitchen?” you asked, gesturing to the cauldron.

“Yeah, I’ll bring it. You go ahead, assess the damage done.”

You chuckled softly. “I’m no healer. Just a potioneer.”

---

Slowly, you started talking to Sirius before and after meetings. The ones Severus attended, you avoided his eye. You had never questioned some things before, and now you were. The more you thought on your childhood, things that previously seemed odd made sense, given Sirius’ revelation.

Severus wasn’t oblivious to your sudden coldness to him. He cornered you after one of the meetings.

“Are you feeling alright?” he asked.

“What?” you replied, barely able to bring yourself to look at him.

“You’re avoiding me,” Severus said plainly. “It’s unlike you.”

You shrugged before crossing your arms.

“So what if I am? You’re not who I thought you were.”

“I’m your father,” he hissed, leaning forward like he was trying to assert his dominance over you.

You kept your head held high. “Roll up your sleeves then, Father.”

Severus stood up straighter, taking a step backwards. He glanced around the room. Then he grabbed your arm and pulled you out of the kitchen.

“Come with me,” he snarled, dragging you up the stairs until you reached the drawing room. He closed the door behind you and casted a muffling charm. “Who told you?”

“Doesn’t matter. It should have been you.”

“It does matter, Y/N.”

You scoff, turning away from him. You didn’t see why it mattered who told you, just that it hadn’t been him. You knew now and you didn’t know how you could trust your father. You agreed with Sirius on that point; it didn’t matter if Dumbledore trusted him. You decided that your father had to re-earn your trust. You were his daughter, his own flesh and blood. How come he wasn't the one who told you?

“You made yourself a liability,” he said.

“Oh no, what’s going to happen? I can’t go on missions? Oh, wait, I haven’t been on one.”

“You’re starting to sound like… Merlin…” Severus said.

Severus stormed out of the room and practically flew down the stairs. Even from upstairs, you could hear his threats.

“Are you trying to turn her against me? Do you ever think about your actions?”

“I didn’t know Y/N didn’t know!” Sirius’ voice replied, carrying as much anger as your father’s did. “She deserved to know.”

“Severus! Sirius!” Molly yelled.

You could imagine what the kitchen looked like. Severus at Sirius’ throat. Despite the anger in his voice, Sirius would maintain an even expression, or it would be masked with a casual grin. Molly was certainly trying to get in between them.

“Molly, don’t you agree that Y/N should know of past alliances?” Sirius asked.

“Y/N, maybe. The rest of the house? No.”

You rolled your eyes as you left the drawing room and went down the stairs. You slipped out the front door before you could overhear any more of the argument. Something flipped in you and you didn’t feel like seeing Severus or Sirius in the aftermath of that meeting. You also didn’t want to talk to Molly and explain your part in it. You knew you wouldn’t be able to avoid it forever; there would be more Order meetings. But that wouldn’t be for a week, and people would be able to settle down.

The next week, you arrived early. You’re not sure why, but it felt like the thing to do. The Advance Guard was gathering. You weren’t a part of it, surprise surprise. You knew that Severus wouldn’t be, but he would arrive as close to meeting time as he could. Sirius would be around.

“Y/N, you’re not needed until later,” Remus said as you walked through the door and hung up your coat.

“I know,” you said casually. “But I can have tea in my flat, alone, or I can have tea here.”

You walked past the guard, which proved more difficult than it should have been as they stood in the narrow hallway. There was no one in the kitchen, which you found odd. It was usually the life of the house, especially before meetings. You knew the kids liked to linger in attempts to be overlooked so they could attend a meeting. Molly always spotted them and kicked them out. ‘Members only,’ she’d say to their protests as they declared that they’d like to join.

You put a kettle on and milled around, looking for the various things you need. Cup, tea leaves, sugar. Maybe a biscuit if they had some. You find everything you need just as the kettle whistles, and then you settle at the table.

It doesn’t take long before Sirius enters the kitchen, smiling when he sees you. He took the seat next to you. After a minute, he reached over to grab your cup and took a sip of your tea. He made a face as he placed it back in front of you.

“Got enough sugar in there?”

“Not a fan of this blend,” you deadpanned, which was a partial truth. You also just liked your tea on the sweeter side. “You excited to see Harry?”

Sirius tensed slightly but then he nodded.

“Yes. I wish he could’ve come sooner or we could’ve written him any kind of information…” He gave you a soft look. “It’s not like with you. He doesn’t have the ability to solve a riddle and brew up some potion to counteract a cursed piece of parchment. Bloody muggles he lives with…”

“I’ve heard stories,” you muttered. “They put bars on his windows at some point.”

Sirius’ eyes widened at that.

“They did what?”

“The muggles, um, Fred and George said they rescued him from some horrible situation a few years back. You’d have to ask them ‘bout it.”

Sirius nodded and the two of you fell into a mostly comfortable silence. Slowly, other members of the Order started to fill the kitchen and the seats at the table. The murmur of small talk broke up the silence. Then there was a commotion by the front door – Harry had arrived.

You remained seated as Molly and Sirius went to greet him and the Advance Guard. You made brief eye contact with Harry before he was ushered upstairs and Molly closed the kitchen door so the meeting could start. Sirius sat down next to you, but the air around him was changed.

You stayed for dinner again. In exchanging Order Members for the non-members, Sirius got up and sat down next to Remus. The spots on either side of you were filled by Fred and George. You sunk into your seat as Harry asked question after question about the Order as Sirius encouraged him and Molly shut him down. It was tense. You just wanted a warm home cooked meal, not an argument if the Harry Potter should be allowed into the Order and who was his family.

The meal took far too long in your opinion. You barely took the time to say goodbye before hurrying out the door and making your way back to your flat. You sighed in the darkness. You didn’t bother turning on the lights, not needing it to cross the small distance to your room. The emptiness of your flat reminded you that you liked the solitude of it. It wasn't busy or filled with raging arguments. It was calm. It was quiet. It was you.

The next few meetings, Sirius didn’t sit near you. He didn’t bother to say hello or bye. You practically glued yourself to Tonks, given she was the only person in the room who currently didn’t make you feel like a child. Yes, you were the baby of the group, but you didn’t need to feel like that. It didn’t help that you still hadn’t been chosen to go on a mission. Your main and only task was to stay behind and prepare potions in case the worst happens on the mission.

“I’m not a healer,” you reminded everyone time and time again, only to be dismissed.

You started leaving Grimmauld Place in a huff more often than not. Then you heard about the group selected to accompany Harry to King’s Cross. You didn’t even bother showing up to headquarters on September 1. No one was going to attack the boy at the train station, and you knew there would be no need for potions when the Order members returned. You’d hear about how Sirius tagged along in his animagus form during the next meeting. Great. Even Sirius technically got to go on a mission.

Your attitude toward the Order was worsening. You knew that it was the side to be on. You knew you signed up for this, but it really wasn’t living up to any expectations that you had. Then, Remus approached you with a desperate request. You couldn’t turn him down.

Sirius sat watching you as you worked on preparing the Wolfsbane potion. Remus was running out and Severus claimed to be too busy to brew it. You could’ve brewed it at your shop but something drew you to headquarters. So you sat in the drawing room with the ancient brewing station, a wide variety of ingredients and a potions book. You could feel Sirius’ eyes on you, taking in every motion.

“Do you need something?” you asked, an air of impatience to your voice.

Sirius doesn’t respond right away. He had been in his thoughts thinking about how when Severus was that intensely focused on a potion, Sirius would’ve made fun of him for it, but when it was you, it was fascinating and beautiful.

“No,” Sirius said firmly.

You spared him a glance. It barely lasted a second. Sirius made no effort to pretend that he wasn’t staring at you. You sighed. You weren’t a huge fan of having someone watch your every move while you brewed a potion. You were no longer in school; you didn’t need supervision.

“If you don’t need anything, why are you in here?”

“It’s my house,” he replied flatly.

“Look,” you said, standing up and brushing yourself off before slowly walking over to him. “I know you and my father don’t get along. But I’m brewing that-” You gestured back toward the cauldron. “For Remus, who is your friend. And I really don’t need any distract-”

You were cut off by Sirius’ lips pressing onto yours as he leaned upward. You hadn’t realized you were standing close enough to his chair for him to do that. You took a shocked step backwards. Sirius stood up with a smirk on his face.

“Thanks, on behalf of Remus. I’ll leave you to finish that. Uninterrupted. And if you need me, I’ll be in my room.”

No distractions. That is what you had been asking of Sirius and instead, he gave you one of the biggest distractions that he could. You watched him leave the room and then tried to regain your focus. You had a task at hand. A rather important one, if you asked anyone who knew of Remus’ condition. The liquid started to bubble and you swore, hurrying to stir in the next ingredient.

Your mind kept drifting back to Sirius and the fact that he kissed you. And then left? Well, you had been in the middle of asking him to leave, but still. You don’t kiss someone and leave. Not like that.

You finished brewing the Wolfsbane and poured it into a collection of vials. You took your time cleaning up, debating what you wanted to do. You were still debating it as you went to find Remus and give him the vials. The upcoming full moon was already taking effect on him. He looked more tired and weak than usual. You knew the potion helped but it was still a far cry from a cure-all.

Then you found the door that said ‘Sirius Orion Black’ on it. You stood outside it for at least a full minute before raising your hand to knock on it. But you didn’t knock. Not right away. You let your hand fall. Then you raised it again, and let it fall. On the third try, because third time’s the charm, you knocked. You could hear movement from inside the room and then he opened the door.

Sirius watched you with curious eyes as you walked into his room. He closed the door behind you. You scanned the room, scoffing at the posters of motorbikes and girls in bikinis.

“Classy,” you said. “This is the taste that your parents didn’t have?”

“If I recall, I said to not count my room here. I put all this up when I was like 13? 14? Give or take. And permanent sticking charms are more powerful than most people give them credit for.”

“Ah, that’d be the lack of understanding for the word permanent.”

Sirius chuckled at that and leaned against his desk. Once again, he was watching your every move. He couldn’t help the smirk that pulled at his lips as you cautiously sat down on his bed. You were still taking in the time capsule of Sirius’ childhood when you spoke.

“So, um, what was that? Downstairs.” You knew you sounded confused, unsure of how you felt about it.

“When you said that I don’t get along with your… with Severus,” he started, saying your father’s name with a moderate level of disgust, “you weren’t wrong. Apparently, I have strong emotions for Snapes. For him, it’s… ahem, not good. But you?” He took a breath and shook his head. “I can’t get you out of my head. At first I thought it was because you’re his kid. But it’s not that. It’s… Merlin, you’re something else, you know?”

You just stare at him. You didn’t quite understand what he was saying. This time it was your turn to watch him as he stood up from leaning against his desk and made his way toward you. He stood in front of you for a moment, running a gentle finger along your jaw from your ear down to your chin.

As he sat next to you, he added, “And I tried to stop what I feel for you. Bury it deep. But, fuck, Y/N, you’re irresistable…”

“So August was…”

“That was me telling myself this would never work. You’re a Snape. There’s no way you could want me like I want you.”

You wanted to laugh. Sirius was devilishly handsome and you found he was easy to get along with. You liked how he didn’t treat you like a child and understood why you felt less than in the Order, since you were both consistently left behind.

“What made you… change your mind?” you asked, turning so your body was angled toward him.

“I may be very much reading into it, but I don’t think so since you’re here now. But you brewed Remus’ potion here rather than your little apothecary shop. Thought that it might be because I’m here. And then you were about to call me a distraction.”

This time you did laugh.

“Cocky much? Assuming a distraction is a good thing?”

He leaned in so his face was only centimeters from yours. “Is it?”

You hated how your breath caught in your throat. You hated how Sirius obviously noticed with his smirk growing into a wide grin. He leaned in more. His lips weren’t quite touching yours but you swore you could feel them move as he spoke.

“It is, isn’t it?”

“Just kiss me again, Black,” you breathed.

That was all he needed to press his lips to yours again. You didn’t pull back this time. You leaned into him, kissing back with passion you hadn’t felt in years. Sirius had one hand cupping your face and the other holding onto your waist, holding your body in place. The voice in his head kept saying that any moment now you’d remember that Sirius is the same age as your father and it would disgust you. You kept proving the voice wrong with each passing second.

Soon enough you were no longer sitting on Sirius’ bed. You straddled him, pressing your body against his. Both his hands were traveling your body, feeling the softness of your skin under your shirt. You simply had an arm around his neck and a hand in his hair.

You felt like you had fire in your veins as Sirius’ lips left yours but kept pressing wet kisses to your skin. He moved to your jaw and down your neck until he found the sweet spot near your collarbone.

A firm knock on his door froze the both of you where you sat practically intertwined.

“Padfoot, I’m going for takeaway. Want anything?” Remus called through the door.

You pressed your mouth against Sirius’ shoulder to prevent yourself from giggling. There was something so utterly teenage about almost getting caught snogging. You and Sirius were both adults, but being walked in on by Remus would still have felt mortifying.

“Nah, mate, I’m good,” Sirius yelled back. His hands were still holding your side and back under your shirt.

“Alright.” There was a pause. “Did little Snape leave? I didn’t hear the door.”

You pulled back from Sirius’ shoulder with wide eyes. You didn’t know what you wanted him to stay. If Sirius said you were still here, Remus would probably ask if you wanted anything or where you were since you clearly weren’t anywhere else in the house. If he said you were gone and Remus decided to come in for some reason, Sirius would have to explain why he lied. Well, it would be obvious why he lied, but still. You figured it would be better if Sirius said you were gone and then you could sneak out while Remus was gone.

“She’s quiet, that one. Mum would’ve liked her,” Sirius replied and you nodded approvingly.

“Right. Okay. I’ll be back.”

You and Sirius sat silently. You listened to Remus descend the rest of the stairs and leave the house.

“I’ll have to be gone before he gets back,” you said.

“Or you could stay,” Sirius offered. “Say you forgot something or another.”

You placed a kiss on Sirius’ cheek. “Yeah? And then what?”

“Then…” Sirius drew out the word as if pondering your question. “You spend the night?”

You let out a dry laugh. “Oh, Sirius, I don’t fuck on the first date.” You patted his cheek gently before removing yourself from his lap. You tried not to look at the tent in his pants, the result of having you. “How about you make me dinner sometime?”

Sirius had frowned when you got up but it was quickly replaced with a smile when you suggested dinner.

“And if I’m no chef?”

You shrugged. “I could pick up takeaway. Or, if you’re really nice, I could make something.”

Then, realization hit you and you sat back down next to Sirius.

“If this happens,” you said, gesturing between you and Sirius, “we’ll have to tell my father.”

Sirius’ grin only grew, something wicked flickering in his eyes. “I can’t wait to tell him.”

“That’ll help you mend your past,” you muttered, earning a bark of a laugh from Sirius.

“I think we’re well past being able to mend anything, sweetheart,” he said. “But I can be cordial if it means I can have you.”

You jam a finger into his chest. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. So far all you are is a good snog.”

“A good snog, eh? High reviews.”

“Think you’re open on Friday?” you asked, standing up again and straightening your shirt.

“Let’s see,” Sirius said, mock-pondering. “Tomorrow, Friday, next week, next month… I’m open.”

“Right, sorry.” You gave Sirius a small smile. “Chinese sound good? I’ll pick it up and be over ‘round 7?”

“Sounds lovely.”

Tag: @bruxa0007

#marauders #marauders fic #marauder-misprint #sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #request

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harrystylesfan2686 · 1 year ago

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Pieces Part 3

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: the aftermath of the break up has different effects on both, Azriel and Reader.

A/N: yall I'm sick🥲 the updates might be late but I'll try to post as much as possible. Hope you like this one!

Pieces Masterlist

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It's been one month.

One month of Healing.

When azriel left, I told myself that I will not contact him until I'm ready. Doesn't matter how much I'm missing him or wanting him. I will not talk to him until I know I won't take him back the second I see him again.

I gave myself two days. Two days to sulk all I wanted. I spent the whole time crying and feeling miserable about myself. Before Az left at least, I wasn't by myself. At least I saw him once a day.

Now? Nothing.

I am totally alone. His absence hit me Hard. Everything I saw, almost brought me to my knees.

The kitchen where we would make dinner together, laughing and joking with each other that many times ended with us covered in flour and syrup.

The couch where we would sit cuddling and talking until we fell asleep, always waking up with strained muscles.

His office where he would sit on his chair in front of his desk, writing out reports and whatnot while I sit in his armchair reading my book. Just enjoying each others company and occasionally taking breaks to make out on the very deck, and then some.

After those dreadful days though, I called Feyre and Mor and had a very much needed girls night. We took out a wine bottle and I spilled everything to them. My mind was too drunk to think my feelings about Elain might offend Feyre but she genuinely felt sad for me and embarrassed about her sister. The poor girl even apologised to my about Elain's behavior to which I immediately told her it wasn't her fault.

When I told them how lonely it got being alone in a big house like this, they suggested maybe I should get a job or something to keep my mind distracted and promised that they'll visit me often. So I did juat that.

I found a part time job at a local library. I have to admit, I'm really enjoying it. I'm the second assistant to the sweetest lady, Hilda, who owns the shop. I don't do much, just help her in small things like adjusting books on self or helping in shipping books out or in. Layla, the first assistant, handles most of the work around the shop. My job is basically doing what she asks of me. The salary isn't much but I don't care because it's never been about money.

The first week was very hard. Everyday after I came home, the silence felt like a slap on the face, reminding me of everything I lost.

But, slowly, I became comfortable with it. Now it's doesn't hurt me as it did before.

There were many times when I think of Azriel, tears filled my eyes, but I never let them free. I sucked them in and did anything else that didn't made me cry, like taking baths, baking my favorite chocolate brownies, reading in front of the fire place while drinking hot coco or calling my friends to take me shopping.

And as time went. I started to heal. I started to feel good, happier with myself. And without even realizing it, I started to love myself.

-☆-

Azriel

It's been one month.

One month of regretting everything I did to my mate.

I've spent my whole month sulking in this room, crying and regretting everytime I chose Elain over my wife. I haven't slept at all since I came here, just enough to keep me functioning. My appetite is gone. I don't eat unless Rhys come and force feeds me like I'm some baby.

I told Rhysand and Cassian everything the first morning i stayed here. Which earned me a flick to head by Cassian and a very disappointed look from Rhys. Even though they didn't give me any scolding(which I very much deserved), the flick and expression said enough.

Rhys has refrained me of any work, handling it himself or having someone else do it. While I have been sitting around here and hating myself. It seems like even my mind has declared itself an enemy, showing me memories of everytime I dismissed Y/N and hurt her in any way at most random times, cutting a deeper cut in my heart everytime.

"Hey Az, I was thinking if we could go out for dinner tonight? There is this new amazing restaurant I saw while walking near Sidra. I really want to try it." She told me as I put on my coat, ready to go.

"I can't, I have a mission for today. Rhys told me it's important so I can't skip. We'll go some other time. Okay?"

"Ok."

I could hear the excitement in her voice when she asked me and the hurt when I rejected her and promised to go another time. The time never came. She never asked again. And I never noticed.

"Az, are you awake?" She whispers in the dead of night. Both of us sleeping on the bed. My back to her, hoping to fall asleep quickly because I have early training tomorrow.

Cassian is spending time with Nesta more, so Rhys has told me to go to an illyrian camp to check how things are going. I have to wake and go there early to catch them off guard to see what's truly going on.

I can't do that if Y/N doesn't let me sleep.

I didn't answer her that night, hoping if i dont respond, she'll think im asleep and doesnt call me again. She really didnt call me again. I prioritized my sleep over her. Her voice sounded so small. She needed me. And I didn't care.

"So, I saw a really cute baby in garden today and..." I drone out her babbling and try to quickly I can get out of here, I promised Elain to help in her garden today. She'll be disappointed if I show up late.

"Az? You're listening to me right?" She suddenly questions, I clear my throat and answer a small, of course, she nods and takes a deep breath, not saying anything anymore. I sign in relief of the silence.

I put my head in my hands and tug hard on my hair, wanting to feel hurt, hurt the kind that she clearly felt and I didn't care.

I hate myself more and more as memories flash through my mind. I can't even cry at this point. I wished she'd hit me when we fought. Slaped and paunched some sense into me. I don't blame her at all for not talking to me. Gods, I wouldn't even blame her if she left me. I deserve it.

How do I fix this?

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Taglist: @cleverzonkwombatsludge @crazylokonugget @going-through-shit @wallacewillow0773638 @kalulakunundrum @cat-or-kitten

#acotar fandom #acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar angst #azriel #azriel angst #azriel x you #azriel x reader #pieces

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onceuponanotherassumption · 20 days ago

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You’re a mess I’m a mess and that’s alright (Jason Todd x Reader)

Masterlist

Note: Jason gets injured during a mission and reader’s there to patch him up.

•

Of course it had to happen on a night when she wasn’t assigned to patrol. An hour after her shift at the hospital ended, she got a call to head straight to one of Bruce’s safe houses. That only meant one thing, someone was hurt.

“Sorry for making you come all the way here, an ambush was the last thing we expected to happen.” Dick gestures for her to come through.

“Don’t be silly,” (y/n) discreetly eyes his body for any sign of injury. “You’re not hurt anywhere, are you?”

“Just a few cuts and bruises, no biggie. Jaybird got the worst of it though.” Dick nods over to the hunched figure sat on the couch, looking half-conscious yet still alert of his surroundings. “B and the others are still out there dealing with the aftermath, I’ve already scouted the area. You guys should be safe.”

“Just go, they need you.”

“Thanks (y/n), I won’t be long. Take care of him for me!”

As the door closes to a shut, she makes her way to the small living room where Jason was. His helmet was off, momentarily forgotten and thrown to the side.

“Jason…” (y/n) approaches him with a worried sigh. “Do you mind if I take a look?”

“Go ‘head, doll.” He managed to answer. His brows furrowed as he grasps the edge of his top, pulling it over his head. Among the old scars and fresh cuts that littered his sculpted torso, (y/n) immediately finds the source of his discomfort.

His shoulder.

The area looked as if it were hastily bandaged, most likely Dick’s doing while they were still out fighting. With his permission, she slowly unravels the messy knot of the bandages. Blood was starting to stain them, so she quickens her pace. She couldn’t help but grimace at the sight of the deep gash on his shoulder, rummaging out a bottle of disinfectant from her bag.

“What caused this?”

“Some…kind of dagger—fuck!” Jason hisses as a damp cloth comes in contact with his wound.

“Keep talking.” She gently ushers, her free hand coming up to caress his warm cheek (hoping to distract him from the stinging pain).

“Penguin’s men were all carrying these modified weapons that he smuggled from Bludhaven.” Jason continues, his own hand resting atop of her own, eyes closing as he tries not to think about whatever (y/n) was doing. “One thing we didn’t take into account.”

“Are you hurt anywhere else…?” Jason looks up to find (y/n)’s displeased expression. He’s reminded once more of how she hated seeing him hurt. He wordlessly wraps an arm around her waist and tugs her closer, with the intention to placate her worries.

“Probably broke a rib…’m not sure.” At least he thinks he did. He’ll know for certain once the adrenaline wears off. Until then, he was content to bask in his girlfriend’s presence right in front of him.

“Anything else…? Like a fever, perhaps.” It wasn’t even phrased as a question, (y/n) already knew the answer. From the moment he started acting very clingy with her (not that she disliked it), to the odd warmth radiating off his body that was akin to a fireplace.

“Uh…maybe?”

“I knew something was off last night, the air conditioner was running but you were sweating like you just went out for a run.” And she called herself a doctor, (y/n) internally scolds herself.

“I thought it’d go ‘way on its own. Sorry, doll.” He confesses.

“You really need to stop hiding stuff like that from me, but that’s not important right now…I need to bandage your shoulder again.” She however struggles to reach an arm out to her bag on the floor, having to slightly bend down since Jason had no intention of letting her go. “I can’t get my—ah!”

Out of consideration, Jason (with his fever-addled mind) opts that the best way to assist her was to lift her up onto his lap. He holds her close, grabbing a clean roll of bandages from her bag and discarding it beside him. (y/n) definitely wasn’t expecting that, eyes wide at how close their faces were. She would’ve been embarrassed, had she not been accustomed to their close proximity on a daily basis.

“This isn’t helping your shoulder, Jason.” She attempts to escape his grasp, trying to avoid aggravating his injury further.

“Trust me, doll. It’s helping me plenty.” He tightens his hold around her, forehead pressed against her shoulder.

“Fine. Just hold still…” Never in her entire career as a doctor had she ever attempted to dress someone’s wound in such a compromising position. If her colleagues had seen her like this, she would probably lose her job (a bit of an exaggeration on her part).

Granted, it didn’t really matter. She won’t be a doctor for much longer, not that Jason was aware yet. It wasn’t that difficult for her to part from her job, she had no emotional attachment to it in the first place. It was after all, only done to keep up ‘civilian appearances’ after an incident years ago where her identity as a vigilante almost got leaked out. She preferred to be out fighting with Jason and the others, it offered more of a thrill than having to treat the sick in a room that smelled strongly of disinfectant. And that way, she could keep a closer eye on him.

“I know it’s unfair of me to ask this…” The hesitation in her tone must’ve spoke volumes, Jason doesn’t waste a second to lift his head to meet her gaze.

“You can tell me anything, pretty girl.” He combs his fingers through her slightly unkempt hair.

“Please try not to get hurt again.”

“Try, huh? Only if you do the same.” He didn’t make any word of promise, and she understood why. Their line of ‘work’ was a huge risk in itself, they were bound to get injured whether they liked it or not.

“I’ll try my best, Jay.”

“That’s my girl.”

#i’m back at it again #reader is a vigilante but works as a doctor to throw the sus off her #jason todd x reader #jason todd #red hood x reader #dc #reader insert #female reader

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sorcerous-caress · 1 year ago

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Hello!! I love your writing 😍 Would it be okay if you wrote Karlach, Lae'zel and whomever you wish with a tiefling!Tav that loses both a horn and an eye during a battle and can't quite find balance in their fighting afterwards bc of it?

Reacting to Tav losing a horn/eye

[Hurt/comfort, fluff, angst, nb!reader, Tiefling!reader]

[Karlach, Laezel, Wyll, Halsin]

Karlach

She swears she can still hear it, your agonised scream, the splatter of blood, the crunch of bone being torn apart.

As if the world slowed down for a moment, an eerie quietness surrounding the battlefield for the uncomfortable stretched out seconds. Your companions turning to look at you, clutching your eye with your back hunched.

Dread filled her stomach, one of your horns laid on the bloody floor next to your feet.

She doesn't remember the rest. Only when she stood atop the burnt rubble of what used to be the battlefield, did the all-consuming rage fade away from her mind.

Karlach is immediately at your side after, apologising for not being there sooner.

She's by your side as you heal, making sure to bring you anything you might need. As your struggles to adjust to combat again in the aftermath become more and more evadint, she is one of the first people to suggest fully leaving combat to her.

Yes, you are capable. Yes, she has seen how strong you are. But sometimes life just doesn't go the way we plan it. You can relay on her instead.

You don't have to go back to the cruel world. You can let her take care of it. Karlach really can't afford losing you. She'd claw her way up the heavens and steal you away if your fate took a turn to the worse.

Laezel

She completely disagrees with Karlach. This is nothing but a minor setback if anything. Laezel completely has faith in you to relearn how to find your balance, and she'll teach you if she has to.

As long as you can still stand on your feet and carry a sword, then you can fight in her eyes. She will give her sincere apologies for letting you down in battle and not doing something before enemeis got the chance to best you, but besides it, you'll get no pity from her.

Why is everyone acting as if you died? You're clearly still the same strong and capable person she knows. If anything, each scar is evidence of how your enemies' failure to put you down, you should show your broken horn with pride.

She has enough self awareness not to impose her views on you, no matter how much she thinks her companions are being dramatic and oversensitive, is she noticed you being fully uncomfortable with her approach she will take her leave from your bedside.

But you got fed up with people infantlising you, then she will be the first to 6pull you back into an intense daily training routine until you regain your footing.

Wyll

While Karlach and Laezel were too busy arguing about your own fate, Wyll was there for you throughout every stage of healing. He knows what it's it like losing an eye. He can relate to the horror and dissociation that happens whenever you look at the mirror to see a piece of yourself missing.

He still hasn't gotten used to his own horns himself, and losing one of yours must have been painful to bear. He will stay by your side until you feel better, no pressure to discuss the future or your fighting abilities or anything.

Wyll will make sure you don't feel alone, that the dark thoughts don't consume you too much. Share you worries with him, let him help carry your burdens, please. It kills him seeing someone so dear to him suffer when he can't do anything or help.

Halsin

His heart breaks, seeing you coming back to camp limbing and bloodied that day. He prays to Silvanus to ease your pain as he takes shift with Shadowheart to nurse you back to health with healing spells.

Nature can be so unforgiving sometimes, to some animals, losing an eye or horn can be a death sentence.

But he has seen even the most withered of plants suddenly flourish and regain their strength, he has personally stayed up countless nights to care for the weak kittens that their mother refused to even acknowledge.

He has seen them grow, nurtured them into a strong healthy state.

Don't surrendered to the darkness, when the abyss starts whispering about how this is your end and how your potential was wasted you yell at the abyss, bite, claw and fight your way out of this rut.

True strength lies in the heart, give yourself time to rest, and don't rush your healing. Eventually, you'll be back on your own two feet with a new view on the world before you can realise it.

#♡Karlach #♡Halsin #♡wyll #♡Laezel #♡fluff #♡angst #♡hurt comfort #♡tiefling tav #karlach x reader #halsin x reader #wyll x reader #laezel x reader #bg3 x reader #baldur's gate 3 x reader #fluff #hurt/comfort #tiefling Tav

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winchestersisterimaginessss · 1 month ago

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request: omg, so i requested the recent vamp story where the sister is taken and what you made was beyond what i was expecting :O it was so good and that you for taking my request!! i have another and was wondering if you’d be open to a part two of some sort? i was thinking maybe one where sister is back hunting again after taking enough time to heal and has a run-in with some vamps on a hunt with sam and dean and they’re just really protective and careful regarding her trauma of the incident. thank you as always, love reading your stuff!! xx

A/N: I’m so glad you enjoyed it!!! That makes me so happy omg. So I added a different story in first and then finished with the story you requested! I thought it would be interesting to see the trauma immediately after and then see how she would react once she got back into hunting and realized it was a vampire just like you said! Hope you love this one too!! Requests are always open please feel free to request anything and everything :))

Part 1: https://www.tumblr.com/winchestersisterimaginessss/773244669590110208/request-hiii-i-was-wondering-if-youd-do-a-fic

Sam and Dean Winchester x Sister!Reader

The past few days had felt like a blur—moments of calm, but mostly filled with the quiet, relentless hum of recovery. You were still healing physically, though the scars from your vampire attack had left deeper marks than you cared to admit. The wounds on your body weren’t as fresh anymore, but the memories, the trauma, clung to you like a second skin.

Right now, you sat on the couch, tucked under a blanket, with a bowl of popcorn resting on your lap. Dean was sprawled out next to you, his fingers casually flicking through channels on the TV. He hadn’t said much about the attack, but you could tell he was furious about what had happened to you. Still, he knew what you needed tonight—distraction.

Dean, being Dean, was doing his best to keep your mind off the bandages Sam had to change again. Sam had done this for the past few days—cleaning the bites on your neck, chest, and thighs. The sting of antiseptic, the way it burned and tugged at your skin, had started to feel like a trigger every time, sending you spiraling into panic.

So, Dean had put on some ridiculous rom-com. He knew how much you hated them, but that was the point. He was making you focus on something else, something harmless. He made sure the movie had all the clichéd plotlines that he knew would make you roll your eyes and distract you long enough for Sam to get everything ready.

"How is this even a thing?" you muttered, picking at the popcorn, trying to ignore the way your stomach churned at the thought of the next round of bandages. "I mean, seriously. Who falls in love because of a wedding dress? It's just… ridiculous."

Dean chuckled, glancing over at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "That’s the magic of these movies, kiddo. You don’t have to make sense of them."

You snorted, shaking your head as you tried to focus on the screen, but the images of Sam’s hands on your skin, cleaning your wounds, kept sneaking their way into your thoughts. Every time Sam touched the bandages, it felt like the past was clawing its way back, and the panic that followed was almost worse than the physical pain.

Dean must have noticed the change in your expression, because he immediately turned down the volume, his face softening as he looked at you. “You okay?” he asked quietly, his voice low but filled with concern. You didn't even need to see the worry in his eyes to know he was paying attention.

You swallowed hard, forcing a half-smile. “Yeah, just… thinking. I don’t know if I’m ready for Sam to change them again.”

Dean’s lips twitched into a sympathetic frown. He had been through this before with you. He knew what it was like, not just the physical pain of the bites, but the aftermath, the mental toll it took on you. “He’ll go easy on you, I promise. We have to make sure they’re healing properly.”

You didn’t answer, instead shifting awkwardly on the couch, avoiding his gaze. You wanted to believe him, but there was this knot in your stomach that wouldn’t let go. The thought of Sam getting close to those marks again—touching your skin where they’d been—just felt like too much.

Before you could say anything more, the door to the hallway creaked open, and Sam appeared in the doorway, medical kit in hand. He was dressed in a plain gray hoodie and sweats, looking every bit the calm, collected Winchester he always was, but you could see the way his eyes lingered on you, the worry there that made your chest tighten.

“How you feeling?” Sam asked, his voice as gentle as always. He knew the routine by now—he wasn’t going to rush, wasn’t going to force you to do anything, but the time had come. He couldn’t let you keep avoiding it, either. “We should take a look at those wounds again. They need fresh bandages.”

Your stomach dropped at the sight of the kit. You were already shaking slightly, your hands clenching into fists around the blanket. You felt yourself pulling inward, as though shrinking away from the inevitable. Sam’s presence wasn’t a problem—it was the association with the pain and vulnerability you’d been feeling that made everything worse.

Dean must have seen your discomfort because he was quick to push the popcorn aside and scoot closer, pulling you into his side. “Hey, look, Sam’s not gonna do anything you’re not ready for. But we can’t keep putting this off,” he said, his tone firm but warm. “We’ll get through this together, alright?”

You nodded, but the lump in your throat made it hard to breathe. Sam, still standing in the doorway with the medical kit, took a few slow steps toward you, but he didn’t move too fast. He didn’t want to startle you.

“I’ll go slow,” Sam promised, holding up the kit in a gesture that, while well-meaning, only made the anxiety in your chest rise. “I’ll talk you through everything and only do what you’re comfortable with. We can take breaks if you need them.”

Dean, sensing your discomfort, nudged you lightly with his elbow. “Look, I know this is a pain in the ass, kid, but we’re gonna get you through it. Sam’s gonna take care of you, alright?”

Your eyes flicked between Sam and Dean. Sam was trying so hard to be gentle, his face full of quiet understanding.

“Okay,” you whispered, a soft sigh escaping your lips. You didn’t want to say it aloud, but the truth was, you couldn’t avoid this forever. You had to face the pain. You had to face it head-on if you were going to heal.

Sam moved in, sitting across from you with the kit on the table in front of him. He gave you that comforting smile of his, the one that always made you feel a little bit safer, even when your world felt out of control.

He opened the kit, and you immediately tensed, feeling the weight of the moment settle on you. Sam glanced up at you, his eyes softening with empathy. “I’m right here. It’s just a bandage change. We’ll be done before you know it.”

You nodded, trying to ignore the rush of dread coursing through your veins. You could feel your heart beginning to race again as Sam prepared the antiseptic. The smell of it hit you first—sharp, sterile, and clinical. It made your stomach twist.

Dean’s hand settled on your shoulder, grounding you. “Just look at me,” he said, his voice steady but light, as if he was trying to keep everything casual. “We’re watching this terrible chick flick together. You’re gonna survive this, trust me.”

You didn’t know if it worked, but you found your eyes trained on the TV, watching the movie unfold in front of you even though you couldn’t focus on a single word. The only thing that mattered was Dean’s hand on your shoulder, and the fact that Sam was there, working slowly, carefully.

Sam moved with deliberate precision, peeling away the old bandages with practiced hands, and you could feel the sting of the antiseptic as it touched your raw skin. It burned like fire, and you bit back a gasp, your nails digging into the blanket in your lap.

Dean, noticing the shift in your expression, leaned down to whisper in your ear. “You’re doing great, kiddo. Just a little more.”

It was the constant pressure of his presence, the steadiness of Sam’s touch, that kept you from completely losing it. Sam cleaned the wounds on your thighs, your neck, and your chest with gentle care, his fingers brushing over the sensitive skin. It was a slow, deliberate process, each movement purposeful, but every moment sent a jolt of panic through you. The pain, the stinging, the vulnerability—it all felt like a flood you couldn’t control. Your breath caught as Sam’s fingers brushed against the tender skin near your collarbone. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to block it out, trying to push it all away, but you couldn’t. It felt like you were back there again—tied down, helpless, vulnerable. The memories wrapped themselves around you, tight and suffocating, like those vampires’ hands had once been.

You gasped, the sudden panic gripping your chest. "I’m… I’m scared," you whispered, barely able to say the words. You hadn’t meant to speak aloud. You hadn’t meant to break down in front of them, but it all spilled out before you could stop it.

Dean froze, his head snapping toward you, his face twisting in concern. He hated seeing you like this. Hated it. His hand tightened on your shoulder as he leaned in closer, his voice low and steady. “Hey, hey, you’re okay.”

Sam, too, softened, his movements slowing as he looked up from the antiseptic bottle. His eyes were filled with understanding and concern. “I know it’s hard, bug. It’s okay to be scared. Let me know when you feel comfortable enough for me to continue.” Sam said quietly, setting the antiseptic aside for a moment as he gave you space to breathe.

The room felt heavy. The faint hum of the movie was the only thing that seemed to fill the silence, but it wasn’t enough to push away the tightness in your chest. It felt like the walls were closing in, and the sting of the antiseptic that had once been a minor irritation now felt like a brand on your skin.

You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to force the anxiety back down, but it was impossible. The images, the sounds, the feeling of those vampire hands—the terror—it all crashed over you in waves. The feeling of being completely powerless, unable to stop what was happening to you. Your breath hitched, quick and shallow, as you tried to calm yourself, but it wasn’t working.

“Look at me, please,” Dean’s voice was soft, urging but not pushing. “I need you to focus, just on me, alright?”

You opened your eyes slowly, finding Dean’s face inches from yours, his eyes steady, intense, and full of reassurance. His thumb brushed over your shoulder in slow, comforting strokes. “We’re here. You’re safe.”

You nodded, tears welling up but not falling, a mixture of relief and terror making it hard to breathe. The vulnerability you felt from the scars—inside and out—was overwhelming, but there was something about Dean’s presence, his protective nature, that made you feel like you could breathe again.

Sam, who had been waiting patiently for you to regain some composure, leaned forward, his hands gentle as he began to work again, but this time, slower. His movements were deliberate, taking care to ease the tension you were still holding in your body. He was so quiet, so careful, and it made the process bearable. The burn of the antiseptic was still there, but Sam’s steady presence was grounding.

“I’m here. You’re doing so well, sweetheart. Just a little more,” Sam said, his voice calm and soothing.

Your breath steadied as you focused on Dean, still holding your gaze, his thumb now rubbing circles against your skin. The movie was long forgotten, the characters and their ridiculous romantic gestures a distant hum in the background. It was just you, Sam, and Dean. And in that moment, the pressure in your chest eased, just a little.

But then, as Sam’s fingers brushed the edge of the bandage near your collarbone, your body stiffened again, your breath catching in your throat. The pressure of being touched in the same spot—it felt too familiar, too wrong. And before you could stop it, the images flashed back—the vampire’s cold hands, their grip on you, their teeth sinking into your skin. You were back there, trapped, unable to escape.

You gasped again, your eyes flying open wide, and you shot up from the couch, pulling away from Sam’s hands as panic overwhelmed you. Your chest was tight, the air suddenly thick and impossible to breathe.

“No, no, no,” you gasped, backing away quickly, hands trembling. “I can’t… I can’t do this. Not again.”

Dean was immediately on his feet, his arms outstretched toward you, his voice frantic with concern. “Hey, hey, it’s alright. You’re safe. We’re right here, kid.”

But you couldn’t stop the flood of panic that was choking you, the memories threatening to swallow you whole. You shook your head, backing further into the corner, trying to create space between yourself and everything that was happening.

Sam, too, stood up slowly, watching you carefully, his hands held up in front of him, not wanting to force anything. “It’s okay, bug. You’re okay. We’re not gonna make you do anything you’re not ready for. Just breathe, alright?”

But your breath was ragged, too shallow to fill your lungs, and you couldn’t shake the image of yourself tied down, vulnerable. The fear of it was so raw, so fresh, that it felt like you were living it all over again.

Dean quickly moved to you, his hands gripping your shoulders, his voice low but insistent. “Look at me. You’re okay, kiddo. You’re not back there. You’re right here, with me and Sam. You’re safe.”

You felt him there, his warmth seeping through you, grounding you in a way that only Dean could. His hands were gentle on your arms, but firm enough to remind you that you were real, that this moment was real.

“I’m right here,” he repeated, his voice unwavering. “You’re not going anywhere, and neither are we.”

You nodded, but the tension still hadn’t fully left your body. The tears were right there, but you fought them back, swallowing down the sobs that tried to claw their way out. You wanted to be strong. You didn’t want to break down in front of them, but you couldn’t stop the flood of emotions that kept rising.

Sam took a small step forward, speaking softly. “You know you can trust me, sweetheart. We’ll work through this and take our time, no pressure, no rush.”

You swallowed hard, and as you turned your gaze back to Sam, you saw the unwavering kindness in his eyes, the patience that had always been there for you. And you knew, deep down, that with them, you could find your way back.

Slowly, you took a deep breath. You weren’t sure if you were ready to face it, but you couldn’t hide forever.

“Okay,” you whispered, your voice trembling. “I’m ready… but only if we go slow.”

Dean’s grip tightened slightly, offering you that final reassurance before letting go. “Take all the time you need, kid. We’re with you.” Sam gently started working on you again, his eyes trained on you, seeing if there was a shift in your expression so he could keep you comfortable.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, your voice strained.

Sam didn’t stop. He kept working, cleaning the wounds, bandaging you up, never once pushing you faster than you could handle. "No need to apologize," he said softly. "You're safe, and you're doing fine."

You wanted to believe him. You really did. But it was hard to reconcile what you felt inside—how each new bandage felt like a painful reminder—against the gentle, quiet assurances Sam and Dean kept offering. They couldn’t erase the past, but maybe, just maybe, they could help you move forward. One small step at a time.

Finally, after what felt like forever, Sam finished. The antiseptic had burned, but now the bandages were clean, fresh, and the tension in the room slowly ebbed away. You exhaled slowly, your chest still tight, but relieved it was over.

“See?” Dean said with a soft chuckle, pulling you closer. “You did it.”

You leaned into him, the warmth of his presence a balm to the rawness of your nerves. Maybe it wasn’t perfect. Maybe the past would always be there, lurking in the shadows. But with Dean and Sam by your side, you had a fighting chance. One step at a time.

And maybe, just maybe, you could heal.

——————

The weeks that had passed since the vampire attack felt like a disorienting blur. Every day, you were confronted with reminders—physical scars that Sam still gently helped dress every few days, the tender bruises where the vampire had sunk its teeth, and the nightmares that would drag you awake in a cold sweat. Sometimes, you couldn’t remember where the nightmare ended and the real world began. But you fought to push through it. You had to. And yet, the deeper parts of you—those hidden wounds—remained raw and unhealed.

But each time you pushed through. You started getting back into hunting and started to get back to the normal you once knew. That night, you tried to focus. You sat in the diner booth with your brothers, surrounded by the smell of stale coffee and the hum of fluorescent lights. You tried to concentrate on the case files spread in front of you, but it was hard. The tension in the air made everything feel ten times heavier, like you were carrying a weight that no one else could see. Sam and Dean, on the other hand, were in their element, discussing the details of the case in front of them.

At first, it seemed like any other missing persons case. Disappearances that could have been caused by anything—wild animals, maybe. But then you noticed the detail that made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up: the bodies had been found drained of blood. No signs of struggle, no other injuries. Just lifeless, empty, drained.

And that’s when you saw the look exchanged between Sam and Dean—a quiet, knowing glance that spoke volumes without a single word. Sam’s jaw tightened, and Dean’s face darkened. Their eyes met again, this time just for a brief second, but it was enough for you to know.

Without a word, Sam spoke, his voice steady but laced with the knowledge of what this could mean. “I think we’re dealing with a vampire.”

The word hit you like a physical blow. Your stomach churned, and the room around you felt suddenly far too small, far too tight. You could feel the blood draining from your face, your heart hammering in your chest. You felt the world go quiet, the pounding in your ears drowning out everything else. The word “vampire” clung to the air like smoke, heavy and suffocating.

You had to swallow. You had to breathe.

“Wait,” you stammered, your voice barely above a whisper. Your hand, shaking, gripped the edge of the table as you scrambled to keep your composure. “No… no, it can’t be… I mean, it could be something else, right? Something we’re missing, maybe? It’s not a… it’s not one of those, right?”

The panic was already clawing at your throat. You could feel it. The fear was rising faster than you could keep up with. Your chest felt tight, and every breath came with a sharp, painful gasp. You tried to force the words out of your mouth, tried to convince yourself that there had to be another explanation, that it wasn’t what you feared, that it couldn’t be.

Dean and Sam exchanged another glance, their eyes locking again, this time softer, full of concern. They were already moving into protective mode, but they were careful. Too careful, and it sent a surge of dread straight to your chest. Dean’s brows furrowed as he leaned forward, his tone softer now but no less firm.

“Hey, hey, look at me.” His voice was calm, but you could hear the weight of worry in it. “It’s gonna be okay. We’re here. We’ve got you, alright?”

But the words weren’t enough. You could feel your hands trembling as they gripped the table harder. The world around you felt like it was closing in. The dim lighting of the diner seemed to flicker in and out, and every sound felt distant. All you could hear was the rushing of blood in your ears, and that word. Vampire. Vampire.

“No, no, no…,” you gasped, your voice breaking as you tried to force the panic back down. “It can’t be! We… we must be missing something. It can’t be one of them—not again.”

You were panicking now. There was no stopping it. It was like a wave crashing over you, and you couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything except feel the terror. The memories were flooding back, crashing into your thoughts like jagged glass. The bite. The cold hands. The fangs. The helplessness. The terror.

Dean saw it. He saw the fear in your eyes, the way you were trembling violently now, the way your breath came in shallow, frantic gasps. His face softened with concern, and his hand was immediately on your shoulder, his touch firm but gentle.

“Hey, hey, look at me.” He was right there in front of you, his voice low and soothing. “Breathe. You’re safe, okay? You’re with us. You’re not alone in this.”

Sam was by your side now, his tall frame leaning in close, his hand resting gently on your arm, trying to steady you. “It’s alright,” he said softly, his voice steady. “We’ll take it slow, alright? We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

But the words, as comforting as they were, didn’t reach you. The panic was too much. You couldn’t stop shaking, couldn’t stop the fear from clawing up your throat. The memories were too fresh, too close. You could still feel the bite on your neck, the feeling of the vampire’s cold hands digging into your skin, the way you’d almost died that night. It was all too much.

Dean’s grip tightened on your shoulder, his eyes locking with yours. His voice dropped to a softer, more reassuring tone. “Listen to me. We’re not asking you to be brave, not right now. We’re not throwing you into anything you can’t handle. You’re not going through this alone, alright? We’ll be with you every step of the way. Every step.”

You nodded, your breath coming in ragged sobs as you tried to force the panic back down. But it was hard. It felt impossible.

Sam squeezed your hand gently, his voice filled with understanding. “We’ll take it slow. If you don’t want to go out there, that’s okay. We’ll make the call. We’ll figure out a different approach.”

Your eyes flickered between them, the fear still holding you hostage. They weren’t pushing. They weren’t rushing you. They weren’t going to leave you to face this alone, no matter what. It was in the way they looked at you, the way they spoke, the way they moved closer. They were careful, so careful with you, and it made you realize something deep in your chest.

You weren’t alone. And maybe, just maybe, you could find a way to face the terror.

The next few hours felt like an eternity. The night air was heavy, thick with the scent of decay and the sound of your own heartbeat thumping against your ribs. Each step you took toward the dilapidated house felt like it weighed a thousand pounds, the fear coiling tighter in your chest with every breath. You had been through this before—hunted vampires, faced down demons, survived things you never thought possible. But tonight was different. Tonight, you felt like you were walking toward something that might break you, something you couldn’t control.

Dean was in front, steady and sure, his movements swift and fluid, his eyes sharp with focus. Sam was right behind him, tall and calm as always, his brow furrowed with quiet concern. And you? You were somewhere in between—pushing forward but struggling to suppress the deep anxiety gnawing at your insides.

You could see it in their eyes, the way they both kept glancing over their shoulders at you, making sure you were right there. They’d never let you go into this alone, not after everything. They knew you better than anyone. They knew the scars, the fears, and the pieces of you that still hadn’t fully healed from the last encounter with vampires—the one that had nearly broken you.

"Stay close," Dean’s voice was sharp, but it held an underlying tenderness, one that made your chest tighten. He was looking at you now, his eyes softer than they had been when the hunt first began. He could tell you were already on edge, could see the way your hands were shaking slightly as you gripped your weapon.

You nodded, not trusting your voice. You didn’t want to be weak. You didn’t want them to see how scared you were. But no matter how hard you tried, the fear lingered, like a shadow that wouldn’t leave.

The house loomed ahead, dark and menacing. Broken windows, a door hanging off its hinges, the faintest flicker of movement within. A vampire was in there, preying on the town’s innocent. But tonight, the vampire felt different. This one was going to test you, push you past your limits in ways you weren’t sure you were ready for.

The moment Dean pushed the door open, it creaked eerily, sending a jolt of fear through you. You couldn’t help but flinch.

"You good?" Sam’s voice came from behind you, softer than Dean’s, but no less filled with concern. You tried to force a smile, but it came out more like a grimace.

"Yeah," you said, but even to your own ears, it didn’t sound convincing.

"You sure?" Sam pressed. His hand brushed against your shoulder, a quiet gesture of support.

You swallowed hard. You weren’t ready. But you had to be. You couldn’t let them down. You couldn’t let yourself down.

"I'm sure," you lied, the words shaky. But Sam’s eyes didn’t lie either. He wasn’t buying it. He didn’t have to. He knew you well enough to see the cracks in the facade you were desperately trying to hold together.

Dean was already moving ahead, his footsteps confident, his gun drawn. Sam followed close behind, keeping a wary eye on you as he took up the rear. You kept pace with them, the weight of your fear trying to pull you back, but you pushed it down, reminding yourself that you couldn’t break now. Not here. Not with them.

But then you heard it—the unmistakable sound of footsteps in the dark, a low hiss. The vampire. It was here.

Your heart skipped a beat, and suddenly, everything felt too fast. Too real. Your breath came in shallow gasps, and you found yourself freezing, unable to move, unable to speak.

Dean was ahead, focused on the approaching figure, his hand steady with his knife. Sam was behind him, ready, but you were still stuck, frozen in place. You could feel the panic clawing up your throat, choking you. No, not again. Don’t freeze. Don’t freeze.

But it was too late.

The vampire shot forward in a blur of motion, and before you could even think, it was on you. Cold, clammy hands wrapped around your throat, lifting you off your feet, slamming you back into the wall with enough force to rattle your bones. You gasped for air, but its grip tightened, cutting off your breath.

Everything around you went hazy—the world narrowing to the choking pressure at your neck. Your head spun, and all you could think was No. Not again.

Dean and Sam were shouting, but their voices were distant. Your vision blurred, the edges growing dark, your mind starting to slip into panic.

Not again. Not like this. I can’t die like this.

But then something inside you snapped. A fierce, desperate instinct you didn’t know you still had. You shoved against the vampire’s chest with all the force you could muster, your body shaking with effort. For a moment, it stumbled, loosening its grip.

This is your chance.

With trembling hands, you reached for the knife, and in a blur of motion, you cute off its head.

You stood there, panting, staring at the empty space where the vampire had been just moments before. Your heart was still pounding in your chest, the adrenaline surging through you, but the shaking had intensified. You couldn’t stop it. Your legs felt weak, your hands trembling as they gripped the knife, your body fighting to stay upright.

And then, through the haze, you heard them—Sam and Dean. Their voices, louder now, breaking through the storm in your mind.

"Are you okay?" Dean’s voice was low but filled with concern, as he rushed to your side. His hand was on your shoulder, steadying you, but it didn’t erase the worry in his eyes. He was trying to keep it together, but you could see how proud he was. Proud, and afraid.

"Yeah," you whispered, but it didn’t feel like you were answering him. Your voice was weak, the words a mere echo of what you wanted to say.

Sam was right behind him, his face full of soft relief. “You did it,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “You saved us. You saved yourself.”

Tears pricked at the corner of your eyes, but you fought them back, not wanting to show the vulnerability that was already spilling out. You had done it. You had killed the vampire.

But you were shaking uncontrollably now, your body betraying you as the reality of it all hit. The fear was still there, gnawing at your gut, but beneath it all was something else—something you hadn’t felt in a long time. Pride.

Dean’s hand gripped your arm more firmly now, but it was gentle—like he was scared you might fall apart. "Hey, you okay?" he asked again, his voice softer, laced with tenderness. He was watching you closely, searching for any sign that you might break.

You nodded, the motion small, but firm. "I’m okay," you said, your voice a little steadier. But you weren’t okay—not yet. Not mentally. You needed time.

But Dean knew that and didn’t push you. Instead he just pulled you into his chest, his touch gentle with understanding. "You did good. Really good."

Sam stepped in, his hand resting on your back, his expression full of pride. "That was great. You fought back. That’s something."

You swallowed hard, trying to steady your breath. "I was scared," you admitted, the words coming out in a whisper. "I didn’t know if I could…"

Dean stepped pulled you in tighter, his eyes softening. "We knew you could. You’ve always been stronger than you think."

They were proud of you. And maybe, just maybe, for the first time in a long while, you were starting to believe it too.

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milykins · 6 months ago

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TMNT Headcanon - Losing Their Virginity

*Turtles are at least 18, Bayverse turtles

*18+ Readers only, contains sexual content and language you may find offensive.

*Third person female POV

Mikey's Story

Raph's Story

Leo's Story

It's finally time for Donnie's story! I'm so relieved I actually finished a series and I didn't lose my creative flame. Thanks everyone for the likes and reblogs!

Being the last of his brothers to be a virgin was embarrassing. Donnie knows his brothers would never outright tease him about it but it stung nonetheless. Even straight-laced Leo got a girlfriend before him! This wouldn’t do, not at all and Donnie was going to do something about it. Now he doesn’t do anything right away but he does make this elaborate plan to meet someone. It doesn’t work, unfortunately. The poor girl runs away screaming at the sight of him.

In the aftermath of his failure he does what he does best. He retreats into himself and stays in his lab for weeks on end. Even Raph is a little worried about their brother in purple but they all leave him to work things out on his own. He always does.

Fortunately he’s got distractions to keep him from falling completely into the abyss and is very well-known in the online gaming community. He’s got friends on there too, including someone he’s gotten pretty close to. She uses an androgynous name and a voice changer so the guys on there don’t know she’s female. The combat sessions were just easier that way. Even Donnie wasn't aware of her secret until one day when she forgets to use the voice changer and everyone in the party realizes she's been a girl all along. Almost immediately the derogatory comments start up. Don, however, is quick to shut them down and snaps at the other guys for objectifying her like that. He sounded so sweet in his defense of her and as a result, she stops using the voice changer from that moment on. She does apologize to him for hiding her gender in a private voice chat with just the two of them and he completely understands. He promises her that he won't let anyone bother her if he can help it.

Donnie is pleased to have made a new female friend. They get to chatting more and more and even do a few voice calls. He is ever so careful not to let slip that he’s a 6’8” mutant turtle. Still, his walls come down somewhat the closer they get. They even exchange numbers and do a few voice calls. She texts him daily with little memes and fun facts. Donnie reciprocates by texting her his random thought of the day. He also texts her riddles and is highly aware that she wants to figure them out for herself, no hints.

One day he gets a text that kicks up his fight or flight instinct. A simple ‘Can we meet?’ At this point, they had been friends for a good few months and Donnie never dreamed it would go beyond that. His logical brain thought it would be better to keep her at arms length. That way, nobody would get hurt. Still, his fingers itched to type back ‘yes, when and where?’ he really wanted to meet her but the fear of what she’d think of him when she discovered what he truly was kept him from typing that out. Instead he types: ‘it’s probably not a good idea… we should keep things as they are.’ He still couldn’t bring himself to press ‘send’.

Several minutes later he was still trying to find an answer. She seemed to sense her question was ill-timed and apologizes, saying she realizes they aren’t ready for that yet. Immediately his fingers fly to the keyboard typing rapidly. He does want to meet her, he just hesitated because he was nervous and there’s something she needs to know first. He sits there then, his heart pounding as anxiety takes over. This was it, she was going to find out he was a monster, a freak and he was going to lose her. Finally he makes his decision. He calls her, trying to keep his voice from shaking and stutters out where to meet him.

Donnie shows up with a purple hoodie on covering his head and leaves most of his tech in his lab. He keeps his phone on him and a hidden bo staff just in case. He stays hidden in the shadows until he sees her. His breath catches in his throat, she was beautiful. Red hair… he had such a weakness for redheads. There’s a light dusting of freckles on her nose, and her expression showed she was nervous and unsure. She’s looking around everywhere for him, afraid he wasn’t going to show up.

Donnie steels himself; it was now or never. Very gingerly, he emerges, keeping his head down. He tells her it’s him, his voice shaking slightly. She’s immediately struck by how tall he is, she loved tall men, it was her weakness. She was confused by his body posture and why it looked like he was wearing a backpack. Donnie quietly asks her not to scream because he’s not exactly human and doesn’t want to scare her. He takes his hood off and braces himself for the inevitable. But it doesn’t come. She gasps at his appearance with obvious wonder and not disgust as he thought she would. He watches her carefully as she steps closer to get a better look. She tells him now she knows how Belle felt meeting the Beast the first time except she's not afraid of him. At that, Donnie has to smile because he knows Beauty and the Beast is her favourite Disney movie and that she held the steadfast belief that the Beast never should have changed into a human. He relaxes more then and asks her if she’d like to hang out for a while. She agrees and is full of questions for the duration of the night. Donnie is happy to answer each and every one of them if it means he gets to spend more time with her. She gives him a kiss on the cheek when they finally part ways and he’s so elated he feels like he could sing.

Donnie has a girlfriend. He has an actual girlfriend. At first his brothers tease him saying at least he didn’t have to build one. Truthfully though, they’re very happy for him and relieved because they can see an obvious change in him. He’s happier and he’s not staying holed up in his lab like he used to. It’s not long before he invites her down to the lair to meet his family and show her around. He’s so proud to show off all the things he’s been working on and even more proud to show her his bigger projects like the TTT or Turtle Tactical Truck. She is definitely awed by his accomplishments and thinks it’s very sweet that this awkward, nerdy, sweetheart of a turtle was trying so hard to impress her. If it wasn't obvious, Donnie has already fallen head over heels for this girl but he hasn’t told her yet nor have they made love. He wants it to be perfect.

In his effort to do this, it takes him a long time to plan it. Luckily, his new girlfriend is very patient and they do get closer in other ways. He gives her the full rundown on his ‘equipment’, telling her exactly how it differs from a human male’s, but assuring her it still functions as such. She can’t help but giggle at how serious he’s being about it all and assures him that she still wants to try either way. Donnie hurriedly tells her that there’s no rush and that they can take their time with such things. He’s secretly afraid it might be too painful for her and wants to be fully prepared so they are able to make it work between them.

Donnie is the only one of his brothers to do actual research on how to properly please a woman. After all, research is what he does best and he’s nervous but excited to put it into practice. Needless to say, she’s very pleased with the results and though they don’t have actual sex in the coming weeks, they get awfully close.

It happens on the very special date he has planned for her. Now, Donnie, being well, himself, has its definite advantages. One of which being his ability to break in and hack his way into pretty much anywhere. On the day of the date, he tells her to dress up and meet him at the planetarium. Upon meeting her there, he whisks her away to a secret entrance where they can view the planetarium from above and enjoy a private meal. Mikey had been more than willing to pack some food and snacks for them. 'Tonight my Donnie boy, you become a man.' ... 'Thanks, Mikey..."

After the meal is finished, he takes her into the theatre with the large domed projection screen. He tells her to close her eyes and count to three. When she opens them, he’ll have turned on the projector and she sees millions of stars, planets, and galaxies above them. It’s the most romantic thing she’s ever experienced. Her eyes are a bit misty when he shyly asks if she likes it.

Her response is standing on her tiptoes, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him like her life depends on it. Donnie reacts immediately, his long, lean arms catching her and holding her close as he angles his mouth to kiss her more deeply. Minutes later, they’re breathing deeply and staring into each other’s eyes. That’s when he knows it’s time, he loves her and he’s going to tell her. He whispers it, afraid that if he says it any louder she might not feel the same way. She whispers it back, honestly, that she loves him and tells him just how special and unique he is, and how she’s feels so lucky to have met him. He can’t help but reiterate that he’s the lucky one before covering her mouth with his. Several passionate moments later he pulls back with a question in his eyes. She absolutely picks up on it, and breathlessly asks him to come back to her apartment with her. Donnie has never moved so fast in his life. He shuts everything down, grabs their things and exits the building with her in less than five minutes.

Upon arrival to the apartment things escalate quickly. Gear and belongings are dropped haphazardly and there’s a desperation to undress her as quickly as possible before he practically carries her to her bedroom. Pretty soon he’s also bare and has her laid out beneath him trembling with need. His touch is skillful and precise. He is methodical about this, he wants to do as much foreplay and prep-work to make this as painless and pleasurable as he possibly can. He works at gently stretching her opening while making her feel good at the same time. When the time comes for her to take him inside he goes inch by inch, always stopping and checking if she’s still all right. He’s the only one of his brothers to use a condom, ‘just in case’ and ‘safety first’. It had taken some looking though to find ones large enough to accommodate him.

She only feels a slight amount of pain, grateful to him for taking the time to ready her and falls in love with him just a little more from his thoughtfulness and care. Once she’s ready, he does a few practiced thrusts and oh boy, nothing could have prepared him for how good this would feel. He can’t help but stutter it out to her, how amazing she is and how much he loves her. She whispers it back and tells him likewise how good it feels to have him inside of her.

He’s spurred on by her words of encouragement he moves faster and has to concentrate on not being the first to finish. With a careful hand he snakes his fingers between their bodies and rubs her sensitive nub in well-practiced circles with his thumb, he whispers how beautiful she is and how much he wants to hear her come. He gently urges her, ‘come for me, come for me, beautiful… let me hear you.’

Almost immediately, her body locks up and the grip on his shoulders tightens while she digs her fingernails into his tough skin. Her cries are absolute music to his ears and he decides he needs to hear her make these types of sounds as often as he can. He grunts softly as his own release comes moments after hers, he groans deeply while his body shudders from the blinding amount of pleasure he feels.

The aftermath is composed of soft kisses, whispered murmurings of love and a gentle cleanup, her before himself of course. Donnie’s conclusion is that this has to be the happiest moment of his life… so far. The best is yet to come.

Mikey does congratulate him when he returns home.

The End

#saved the best for last #tmnt bayverse #tmnt bayverse headcanons #donatello x reader #Donatello is such a romantic #His sweetness rivals Mikey's #HEA guaranteed for these boys

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heavyhitterheaux · 1 year ago

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Got Me Thinking

Part 6: Don't Make it Harder On Me

Synopsis: You and Jack have to deal with the aftermath of your paparazzi pictures being posted for the world to see, and Jack finds out you weren't coping as well as he thought you were

Pairing: Jack Harlow x Reader

Series Masterlist

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

After Jack had put your phone on the bedside table, he turned his attention back to you and he knew that he needed to get you to calm down before you sent yourself into a panic attack which he could tell that you were on the verge of.

“Baby….” He calmly said as he moved you to sit on this lap and simply wrapped his arms around you in the hope that you would stop shaking.

“Shh, just breathe. Take a deep breath for me because the last thing we need is you going into a panic attack.” He quietly told you as he placed several kisses on your cheek, but you were still in a daze.

“This is bad. This is really bad.” You said quietly as tears welled up in your eyes before turning your head to glance at him.

“It's going to be fine, babe. Trust me.” Jack told you and you immediately shook your head no.

“No, it's not. It can't be fine. They have pictures of us. I told you we should have come inside and now look.”

“All this is going to do is…”

“No. In the end, you're going to be fine because it's you. Your fans love and adore you and you can do no wrong in their eyes. And the most important part is you're a man. I however am going to be seen as the homewrecking whore who broke up a marriage.”

“No, you won't. Just… I'm going to fix this.”

“Jackman please stop talking for five minutes because how the HELL are you going to fix this? Give me details.”

“I… but you told me to be quiet.”

You knew that he was trying to make you laugh and put you in a better mood, but you couldn't help but to roll your eyes as you started playing with the comforter that was laying across your lap.

“There are just some things that you are never going to experience or have to deal with because you're a man while women get criticized for breathing too hard. They are always going to paint me as a bad person and Kelsey as an innocent angel who didn't deserve any of this despite her cheating on you first that she will probably deny until she's blue in the face. And did we forget how I'm an influencer and I actually have a following on social media with actual endorsement deals that I could lose simply because of what my name is now going to be attached to?”

“I know we can figure something out. I know you're scared but I refuse to lose you over this. Now when we get back, we both need to file for divorce.”

“Only if Xavier and Kelsey haven't done it already.” You muttered as you grabbed your phone and started scrolling through it.

You were surprised that there wasn't even a call or a text from him because you knew for a fact that he had been alerted to what was going on by now. Because your siblings along with your parents had sent you a few messages that you haven't bothered to respond to. Knowing your mother, she was probably happy about it right along with Maggie.

“We're going to get through this, Buttercup but you just have to trust me. I'm not going to let anything happen to you or to us. Do you trust me?” Jack asked you and you nodded your head, not trusting that the actual words would come out of your mouth.

“Baby, look at me and tell me you trust me.”

You did as you were told and you were now facing him as you straddled him and he started drawing small shapes on your skin that was exposed to him.

“I trust you.”

“I'm going to take care of you and you know that at the end of all this we get to be together how we want. We just have to wait until this blows over and baby it will blow over and people will be onto something new. And we might be bringing a baby into the world too. But I'm going to need you to stop being scared and take the test. Whatever happens, you know it's me and you until the end of time. That's how it should have been from the beginning.”

When you didn't say anything, Jack placed his finger underneath your chin so that you would look at him and placed his lips on yours. You eagerly kissed him back and his hands started roaming your body and he pulled you even closer.

“I wish we could stay here forever and not have to be bothered with anyone anymore.” You quietly confessed as Jack captured you in another kiss.

“We can't stay forever, but we can definitely stay longer.”

“But I'd rather hurry up and get back home and get this over with.”

“In due time, baby. But for now let's focus on us and enjoy the time that we have together before we have to go back out into the real world. But first, I'm going to need you to take a pregnancy test. I'll text Neelam to get it for us.”

You stayed with Jack in Paris for two more days before making your way back home in order to face your husband and to officially file for divorce. You were dreading having to face him, but at this point what did you have to lose? He stepped out on you and had an entire child and you were absolutely done with trying to repair the relationship and it took Jack explaining that there was nothing left for you in that marriage for it to finally click and stop your thoughts of wanting to repair it despite what he did to you.

Even though he hadn't tried to call you at this point in time he had to know. It was everywhere and you honestly couldn't escape it. It did help that when you got back to L.A. it was three in the morning and there weren't a lot of people out, but that wasn't going to be the case on a day to day basis.

Before you and Jack had to leave one another, he simply told you if you wanted to quit your job when you got back home and move back to Louisville, he had already bought a condo for you.

You didn't know if you were quite ready for that just yet, but then again why not? Some of your things were already in Louisville and this would make it feel like the end of an era.

Walking into the house, the light was still on in the kitchen and you were confused as to why he would still be awake. Leaving your suitcase by the door, you stepped into the kitchen to see him nursing a glass of some type of alcohol and he was the first to speak.

“Hmm so you finally decided to come back? You should have just stayed with him.” He said before taking a swig and putting the glass back down on the table which instantly made you roll your eyes.

“Don't even start with me because it's not like you actually give a damn about me so you can stop pretending.”

“Of course I give a damn about you! Last time I checked you were MY wife, but I found out that you were cheating on me with your so-called “friend” Jack Harlow. He's a friend from high school, my ass.”

“I'm your wife, but you leave me for weeks and even months at a time and barely communicate with me and you've been this way for almost a damn year. So you can fucking save it. He actually cares about me while you are too busy taking care of your newborn child.”

The expression on Xavier's face was priceless and if you weren't so mad at him you would have pulled out your phone to take a picture.

“Oh, we don't have a lot to say now, do we? You've been cheating on me for almost a year and got the bitch pregnant. You aren't as discreet as you think and I know everything down to where she lives and what the baby's name is. Congratulations I heard it was a girl so don't you dare tell me shit.”

“You don't know anything.”

“Hmm, funny because not once did you deny it. If I don't know anything, tell me I'm wrong and PROVE it. Yeah I cheated on you with my ex-boyfriend and I don't regret it. He fucked me in our bed and I didn't even care if you had walked in and saw us. You could have probably used some pointers for him because I can't even remember the last time you actually found my clit so it was definitely news to me that you found someone that actually wanted to have sex with you and had actually gotten someone pregnant. So I'm saying all this to say that I'm fucking divorcing you once and for all so you can go and be with sweet little Kristina and baby Olivia all the time because I am taking you down for everything you fucking have. I'm not putting up with this any longer.”

“So, you think that the two of you are just going to live happily ever after? You failed me as a wife and you aren't going to do anything but fail him and be seen as nothing but a homewrecking whore.”

“You have some fucking nerve saying that shit to me. Hmm, I could say the same thing about Kristina. At least you could've gotten with someone who was at least on my level, but all you did was downgrade. She can have my sloppy seconds because the potential is gone. I didn't fail you as a wife, you failed me as a husband the minute you decided to step out on me instead of coming to me and fixing the problem. You didn’t even fight for me and that's what hurts most of all. I don't have anymore else to say so we're done here and you can get the fuck out of my house and go see your baby.”

“I… I never meant for it to come to this.” Xavier said getting up from the kitchen table and walking over towards you but all you did was take two steps back and shake your head no.

“You only feel some type of way now because you got caught. I don't want you anymore and I haven't wanted you for a very long time.”

“Y/N… we can fix this.”

“After you had a baby on me AND called me a homewrecking whore? Yeah, not a chance and let the door hit you on the way out because at this point, I don't give a damn.”

It was around 4:30 in the morning when Xavier had finally left and simply took his clothes and shoes with him and told you that he would be back for the rest later.

You were now laying in your bed staring up at the ceiling and you let out a sigh of relief. The weight that you had felt being in this marriage was no longer there and a few tears couldn't help but to slip out and you quickly wiped them away. Those were happy tears because you finally stood upp for yourself and it was long overdue. Now that you had faced your husband, you had one more thing left to accomplish. Now you had to go out and face the world.

Avoidance of your social media accounts were at an all time high especially when that was one of the first things Jack had told you to do and Neelam quickly agreed. You could only imagine the things that people were saying about you.

It was hard to fall asleep so the idea of calling Jack came to you knowing that more than likely he was still awake. He had let you know earlier when he had gotten home and that he was going to be up for a while. It rang a few times before you saw his face pop into view.

“Why is my girl still awake? I thought you'd be asleep by now? And have you been crying? What's going on?” He asked when he laid his eyes on you. It looked as if he was also laying down and had just woken up by his hair being all over the place.

“Oh no, did I wake you up? I didn't mean to. You can call me back when…” Jack immediately cut you off.

“No. Obviously my girl needs me so tell me what's bothering you.”

“I kicked him out the house… finally.” You said with a sense of relief.

“Hmm, how'd that go?”

“Tried to blame me for ruining the marriage by cheating, but then I pulled out all the receipts about him and his newborn child. He looked like a deer caught in headlights and didn't even know what to say.”

“I mean at that point, what could he say? He got caught red handed.”

“And proceeded to call me a homewrecking whore but then said that our marriage could be fixed.”

“He has some fucking nerve saying some shit like that to you after what he did. So, how do you feel now?” Jack asked as he was now sitting up against the headboard.

“A sense of relief and I feel like a weight has been lifted. I told him that I want nothing to do with him anymore. He took it better than I thought, but I mean at that point he had to know that I was going to say no. I also mentioned howywe fucked that night and that he can never find my clit. Anyway, I know for a fact Kelsey said something and had A LOT to say when she saw you.”

Jack shrugged before responding to you and it was clear that at this point he just didn't care anymore.

“First thing out of her mouth was ‘you told me not to worry about her’ and I was like Clay told you that because I know for a damn fact that that statement never came out of my mouth. Like she knows that we dated and by the end of that conversation I asked… no told her we were getting a divorce and that I didn't love her anymore.”

“We're doing the right thing, right? Tell me we're doing the right thing.” You said as you were making yourself more comfortable.

“Yes, baby, we're doing the right thing. Matter of fact, why are you in that big house by yourself when you could be up under me in your new condo in Louisville?”

“I..”

“First thing tomorrow, file for divorce and then I'll send the jet to come and get you.”

—--

You had been in Louisville with Jack at your new condo for about three and a half weeks and it seemed like the world was crashing down around you.

Being curious one night when Jack was at the studio your first week back, you logged into social media to see blogs tearing you down at every chance they could get and you ended up sending yourself into a panic attack.

The next week, numerous calls came to your phone letting you know that you would be essentially dropped from your endorsement deals because the companies that you were under didn't want their name being tied to any type of scandal or putting their company in a bad light even though they didn't even know the full story of what had actually happened.

Jack didn't know anything about that because you failed to tell him. You had known from the beginning that it was going to come to this and your mindset was that you were simply going to deal with it and not try to worry him about it.

You confided in Tania how you felt ever since the paparazzi pictures were posted and she was immediately blowing up your phone. You were once again hiding out in your condo when a call from her came through on your phone since when you called her earlier she was unable to talk. Once you explained everything to her, the first thing out of her mouth was that you had to tell Jack.

“And you didn't tell him this because?”

“He has enough to deal with and I feel like I keep adding to it. Being with me is probably more trouble than what it's worth. I have literally created a shitstorm.”

“Do not EVER let me hear you talk about yourself that way again. You are worth it and deserve to have happiness and Jack is all in. That man worships the ground that you walk on and if anybody needs to know how you're feeling right now, it's him. Do not keep this from him, because how is he supposed to help you?”

“Tania, how is he supposed to help me with this? My mental health has literally gone to shit since all of this happened. I quit my job, lost all my damn endorsement deals.”

“The two of you want to be together and that man is moving hell and high water to make it happen so I know if you tell him, he will do his absolute best to make sure you get the help that you need. Why are you so scared of just letting go? You've been this way since our first year in nursing school. And he said from the beginning that he's going to take care of you, so let him. Stop running away from the man who wants to love you.”

“None of this would have happened if we didn't break up in the first place.”

“Well we can't do anything about that now and we have to deal with the cards that are dealt.”

“I'm so overwhelmed, I can't do this.”

The wheels immediately started turning in Tania's head because any time she heard you say that, you disappeared for weeks and no one had any idea where you were and she was afraid that you were going to do it again. She knew when your panic attacks and anxiety got the best of you that's what you did in order to reset. It wasn't the healthiest coping mechanism, but when you came back you felt better each time.

“Y/N, don't you dare run. You are done doing that. Talk to him when he gets back home. Do I need to come to Louisville or do I need to call Janelle and Jeremiah?”

“I….. Tania, I don't know if I'm cut out for this. Maybe this is all too soon.”

“No. Stop it. Stop it right now. You made the right choice and I know it's overwhelming because of how famous Jack is and people are going to now be following your every move, but it's going to be okay.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because I know you and you always come out on top. Now get some rest and let me know how it goes when you talk to Jack. If I don't hear from you in the next 12 hours, I'm hopping on a plane to Louisville.”

When Jack got to your condo, he was surprised by how quiet it was but figured that you would be sleeping. He made his way into the bedroom to find it empty and was suddenly confused since you hadn't mentioned to him that you were going anywhere, because at this point in time he didn't want you going anywhere by yourself knowing how people are.

After searching the entire condo, he pulled out his phone to call you but it had gone straight to voice-mail and Jack wasn't quite sure if he should start to panic or not.

It wasn't until a piece of paper on the counter in the kitchen written in your handwriting caught his eye.

Jackman,

Please don't be mad at me for doing this even though I get it if you are. First off, I love you with everything in me, but I just need to reset. I'm overwhelmed and I just need time to myself. I'll be back soon. Don't come and look for me.

Love, Buttercup

Jack felt that his heart was beginning to race as he read your words over and over again, not believing what he was seeing. He immediately started to feel guilty and believed that this was entirely his fault. He thought that you were coping with everything just fine or, it seemed like you were. If it was the opposite, surely you would have told him, right?

He immediately picked up his phone once more and dialed.

“Hello?”

“Y/N isn't here, and I don't know where she could've gone. She left a note saying not to look for her, but how am I supposed to just sit here?”

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