#but that's just because i've been recently drafted into the i dont give a fuck army

[creaturefeaster]

Fiiiinally got the time to clothe them all........,.,

If you want to see this in HD, as well as their anatomy line up & the mimes (true form), you can see it all here: (imgur)

next mission is the mime's hosts line up, and then secondary characters....... if I have the time and energy for that any time soon, lol.

[wayward-aeon]

Hey hello!! Im pretty sure Ive seen you around via divine-elixer's post notes, and Ive popped in and out of your blog for the past few months, and Ive been super curious about how you practice "pop culture paganism" bc Ive kinda wanted to get into sth similiar?

I have lots of fun religious trauma from childhood into adulthood and so i was like, fuck it, we ball, im making a new religion -- but im unsure where to start, but I want to incorporate my kintypes into it (aka, Ganyu having a Morax/Exuvia statuette/shrine).

Im also lumine, so like, *waves from the other side of the reality barrier* same hat meme

Anyway, you dont gotta answer if you dont feel comfy, but I'd just like some vague sense of how you go about your practices to see if any of that appeals to what Id want to create or partake in if that makes sense.

♡♡♡ Have a good one!!! ♡♡♡

- @laputian-lilies (kin blog is @twin-wishing-stars )

hi!! i'm always happy to get messages from fellow gen/shin folk!!!

before anything else, sorry for the delayed response! also, this might get long it got really fucking long, so i'm putting it under a cut.

pop culture paganism is great precisely because it can really be anything you want or need it to be. this makes it really great for those who struggle with religious trauma, or have other aspects of life that interfere with more "mainstream" religious practice (mental illness, disability, simple lack of spare time, etc) because if there's anything you don't want to or can't include, just toss it. you're perfectly welcome to compile all the theoretically enjoyable and comforting things about religion and leave the rest on the curb.

ultimately, your practice will be entirely yours. there's no wrong or right way to do it, as long as it works for you.

for me, as fictionkind, a big part of what makes PCP so appealing is being able to feel more connected to the other worlds i've been, lives i've led, and the people i've met along the way. like, a "no need to be homesick if some of home is still with me" kind of thing.

talking specifically in the context of gen/shin, although i definitely wouldn't consider myself a devotee of the archons, some of them were very dear to me. giving them a sort of platonic reverence, more akin to friends sharing drinks around a bar than a worshipper offering libations, helps me feel connected to them. i do also still acknowledge the power they have, so i might invite them to share it with me in times of need.

as an example, one thing i did as an experiment a while back was draft a couple modified versions of the lesser ritual of the pentagram. these were made in tribute to barb/atos and mor/ax, and in place of the angels or divine names, they called upon the Four Winds and the yaksha, respectively. i haven't used either of them in practice, mostly because frankly i don't have much of a practice to speak of these days (thanks, shitty mental health), but i have complete confidence in their effectiveness just by virtue of my trust in the beings to whom they're dedicated.

this is the part where i interrupt myself to say that i recommend anyone interested in PCP reads a bit about chaos magic. chaos magic is all about the power of belief, and there's a heavy emphasis on individuality and carving one's own path, so their resources and anecdotes can be very helpful to us pop culture practitioners building our own systems from scratch.

anyway, i also like incorporating aspects of technopaganism into my personal practice. a big part of this is virtual shrines and temples! i've been playing a lot of minecraft recently, and creative games like this are perfect for building little temples or tributes to any entity you may acknowledge. there's no need to worry about not having enough space or not being able to afford materials, and they never need to be cleaned. i also adore the sort of shrines you might find on folks' personal webpages, and i'd like to make one for myself when i get around to making my neocities page.

this is something we as gen/shin fictionkind have a foot ahead in, because between our personal teapots and the many religiously significant areas in the game itself, we always have a lot of ways to immerse ourselves and connect directly to the object(s) of our devotion. i don't want to call him out, because he doesn't consider himself religious, but a fellow sourcemate regularly offers incense to the temple of pervases, which i think is a perfect example of this. for me personally, i like to sit in the hands of the barb/atos statue in mond/stadt when i'm feeling down, or need to ground myself, or i just want to feel close.

i would eventually like to incorporate more personally significant things into my physical space, but that means spending money, and i'm forever broke, lmao

in terms of more "traditional" worship, pop culture gods are no different from any other god. you can pray to them, give them offerings, ask them for aid, perform ritual and divination in their name, anything that feels right for you!

other than all that, i guess the biggest thing for me is just acknowledging that, even if i may be far from home physically, i will always have a spiritual connection to the places and people that matter to me. i still see them in my dreams, i still hear them in whispers on the wind. and i know they can hear me, too.

i think that's all i have to say. forgive me if its disjointed or not very coherent at times, i'm very scatterbrained these days. thank you for the ask, and i wish you luck on your journey!

[scummy-writes]

this has caused some confusion, so I'm going to give some clarification by what I meant.

this is something I have loosely done for years: you can see it in these posts about Isaac Handling an MC with Depression, Arthur's version of that, and then even up until recently where I wrote about Gilbert premature ejaculation, morning sex with him, etc. There's more interspersed inbetween, and some things I have labeled as 'full' fanfics are posts that were originally meant to be like this, but I rambled so much and I said 'fuck it', tweaked a few things and posted it.

These types of 'musing' posts are meant for me to not pressure myself with my own writing anxieties instilled by my own personal issues that I feel like I don't need to go deep into. For some reason, opening up a tumblr post and just spilling out thoughts will turn into these loosey goosey drabbled/fanfics without the same pressure I put onto myself as full fanfics. I'll convince myself ideas are not worth posting because the more pressure I put on myself that it needs to meet impossible standards I've made for myself, and its a back and forth fight until I either finish it in a huff, or I let it rot in my drafts.

I have an awful streak of my brain insisting that everything I do is rather pointless. For a while, I was doing ok. I was able to take deep breaths and convince myself I was being irrationally anxious, butit's ramped up with a depression streak thats been happening for a while.

This post was me just alerting you that this Is a thing I want to do. I get tired of ideas dying, so I want to do this. This was not a post saying anyone has pressured me into doing this, it's just me very exhausted, burnt out, and wanting to still share the ideas rattling in my brain even when i don't have the spoons to turn it into my personal requirements of what counts as a fic of mine being labeled as a 'fanfic' rather than a drabble or similar.

Since this bad mood has been persisting due to IRL being rather hectic - like for example.. my mother having surgery for a scary thing thats been happening to her... my grandfather randomly landing in the hospital on wednesday... earlier unfortunate events that have happened this week... - i am cutting anon off for a few weeks minimum. bluntly. my birthday is coming up and i dont have the wherewithal to handle a bunch of insults that have no reason behind them. thats that.

Sometimes i'll make these rambling posts about some ideas, like the gilbert and clavis premature ejaculation posts, or the bathtime with gilbert post, etc. I think I want to start doing that more when I have a fanfic idea that I just cannot write decently enough to be somewhat okay with it.

I get a lot of ideas that eventually just sort of rot in my documents, sometimes they'll be ideas I'm super interested in, but trying to complete a fanfic of the idea is like pulling teeth, and I lose the steam if I am not sitting down and writing All of it asap the same day I have the idea. I feel like making posts like that is a good compromise of getting some writing done, and getting the idea out of my head and shared in some way. Because, at the worst, I can always still just write a full fanfic based off of it if I want, but if I don't then it still exists through me sharing it through rambles.

[westanallthegays]

Writing 101 with your favorite queer (EDITED)

Writing is h a r d .

If you think writing is easy, then I'm going to ask you if you've ever WRITTEN A STORY BEFORE because clearly, you're oblivious af.

Writing isn't just w r i t i n g a s t o r y, it's late nights trying to figure out how the fuck to write this moment, it's sleep deprivation to puzzle this character over, it's scribbling ideas down, it's questioning whether your writing is GOOD or not and whether anyone would actually want to read it, it's staring at your google doc or word doc and thinking, "Is this worth it? Maybe I should just quit ahead of time."

It's so many things, but it's not fucking EASY.

Which is why I'm writing this post for y'all. Let's be clear, I don't know everything about writing. I'm in progress, still trying to figure shit out, but I thought I might share what I've learned with you through a very, very painful process.

So ✨here we go✨

One of the things about writing is that everyone has different methods. Here's mine. Use it or not. It's up to you.

I know a lot of people who don't plan their writing out are gonna be screaming at me, but I've found out that having at least a basic plan, if not the simplest plan EVER formed by just a few bullet points really helps.

I'll give you an example (which is miraculous themed because I'm pretty sure everyone at least KNOWS what miraculous is)

Marinette goes to school

Alya gushes to her about this "cool new girl" that has arrived

Marinette reaches school and discovers the new girl is Lila Rossi

shenanigans ensue. Adrien is the only one who isn't clueless. Lie la is a bitch, as usual (what is new?)

Okay, this example was pretty crappy, but you get the idea. It doesn't even have to be an exact copy of what's gonna happen in your story, just the general idea and a few more plot points. Doing this when I'm bored, whether in my sketchbook or on a google doc, really helps. For one, I can just write down a bunch of shitty ideas and later go through them and decide which ones are the least crappy to put in my fanfic.

I'm a planning person, but I don't go super crazy when planning out a chapter. I've heard of some people creating the most intricate plans EVER for their story, and well, sorry, but that just DOESN'T work for me. This method is a lot more simpler, and it's not totally crazy.

(hopefully)

Also, if you're writing a story based on a tv show or book series(*cough percy jackson *cough) Then I find it INCREDIBLY helpful to write down a list of all of the minor characters i want to include in my story, because let's be real, I'm pretty sure I'd forget after like a day.

And I've read too many stories with only the main characters and there being like one mention of a minor character. (*cough GROVER *cough)

So spare your innocent readers (not really) and use this method.

Welp, that's it! I'm sorry this ran on for so long guys, I had a lot to say and wanted to elaborate on it enough so that it made sense. If you actually read through this shit pile of a post, then TYSM IT REALLY MEANS A LOT.

Stay safe, don't fall into a deep, dark hole of depression that you can't get out of, and I'll see ya later~

EDIT:

Hi guys! It's been a few months since I stepped into the world of tumblr and wrote this post. After that i kinda forgot about tumblr with the existential crisis that is school and basic stress, so ....sorry bout that.

Thank you to the two people who liked this post, it means a lot <3

As usual, your girl is here to give some more tips that i learned over those few months i was incognito.

2. Brain dump, second draft, third draft, fourth draft...

I dont know if yall have heard of the brain dump in writing. I recently found about it when despertely researching ways to improve my crappy writing. Basically, a brain dump is when you take all of your ideas and write them down on paper or a google doc or whatever you use. I thought it was a pretty good idea, but i kind of already told you guys this with my previous tip above.

SO I REMODELED IT YOU'RE WELCOME

MY version is that you do a brain dump but in the form of a really messy, chaotic first draft. Write whatever you want using the ideas you have, and you dont even have to put proper dialouge. I find that i obsesse way too much over dialogue, so with my brain dump, i just leave blank spaces where the dialogue should be and put that in the second draft, which is a much more organized version of the brain dump.

THAT WAY, you can have all of your ideas down and begin to edit them into a slightly better piece of artistic creativity. I haven't tried this out myself, so im not sure how reliable it is. if you want to try this out, drop a comment telling me how it went.

Im pretty sure that's it. There isn't much esle to say, and im sure yall are familar with the "first draft, second draft" concept thingie so i dont have to explain that bit.

Again, sorry about my long absence. I would promise to do this more often, but im pretty sure i wont be able to keep that promise, so . . .

anyways, have a great day and ill see you soon (hopefully!)

:)

[glitchbirds]

🌻

(new ask game send me a 🌻 and ill just tell you whatever the fuck i want)

so ngl i started out writing a response to this and it turned into a 500+ word ordeal of me being deeply unhinged about a niche topic and i am just self conscious enough to quietly place that in my drafts for now and maybe post it later instead of just flooding you with a ridiculous amount of words. so let me think of a different niche topic to be deeply unhinged about ive been thinking a lot recently about "evil child" horror movies- movies where children are apparently born evil and knowingly enact cruelty on others with full knowledge of what theyre doing and the finality of death, children that are born demonic and "wrong", children who are quiet and creepy and have a violent streak bubbling up inside them- and especially how much this subgenre (if it can be called as much) overlaps with how horror films often misrepresent and harmfully portrays mental illness, disability, etc. because of course no child is truly born evil in reality, and in order to convey such an impossibility to an audience, they often take the shortcut of plastering on traits associated with mental disorders and esp developmentally disabled children, and/or give a child a congenital birth defect (often facial) to make them read as inherently "monstrous" from birth to an audience. which, of course, has Negative Impacts On Society's View Of Children, esp children who fall into those categories. many evil child horror movies also seem to function as a bizarre sort of escapism/fantasy for parents who find themselves frustrated with their children, either by consoling them that their children arent THAT bad in comparison or validating them in their anger.

i find that whenever i watch an "evil child" type of horror movie it is very, very rare for the film to successfully convince me that im actually watching a child who is beyond any sort of help; what i tend to see instead is a traumatized and hurt child reacting violently to being mistreated by the adults in their life, or an autistic child whose symptoms happen to appear creepy to others, or a child with birth defects who has never been treated like a fellow human being by others and is lashing out after years of neglect. and that disconnect- the fact that the filmmakers and especially the audience dont have that same opinion- fascinates me as much as it concerns me

but the main thing ive been turning around in my head the last couple days is, what does it take for a horror movie to succeed in portraying a child whose cruelty is believable to me? i think it requires acknowledging and centering childhood innocence. very young kids do not fully grasp the permanence of death; i will not believe that michael myers was born evil, but i can absolutely believe that a barely-six year old boy didn't quite understand that judith would never wake up again, after he fulfilled whatever impulse brought him to his sister's bedroom in the first place. there is still the question of what that impulse IS, and ofc halloween is its own chaotic cesspool of fraught portrayals of mental illness, but. it is a start.

ofc, the other option is to not actually portray a child at all. its been a VERY long time since i've seen pet sematary (at least a decade), but i think gage is a decent example, simply because that isn't gage, anymore. it is a corpse, even if it doesn't act like a shambling and mindless zombie. there is no soul remaining in that body. no over-reliance on demonizing normal behaviors in children if its very obviously not meant to be read as a child any longer.

... wait this is also 500+ words. why do i keep doing this

[creacherkeeper]

writer ask game- tagged by @loved-the-stars-too-fondly !! thank you!!!

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

horrible question to start out with for me cause i dont think i really have one???? i tend to not be as ship-focused as many people in fandom, and also unfortunately am the type of person to get REALLY into things and then many times my feelings dont stay super strong over time. so some Honorary Mentions are shules from psych cause thats probably my oldest remaining ship, ineffable husbands from good omens cause that was my first gay ship, and clintasha from marvel because thats the oldest ship i still have waves of strong feelings about

How many works do you have on AO3?

95, 8 of those being more than 1 chapter/a collection. i also deleted a good handful of fics from older fandoms when i rejoined ao3 in 2015 (i was an early adopter but then left for a while), as well as having a decent amount of fics on ff.net and a fandom specific site from Back In The Day

What’s your total AO3 word count?

just with the fics on there now, 348k. total fics i've written across sites/before deleting was probably closer to 400k. if we're including original fiction / fully rewritten drafts of the same books, i'm definitely over a million

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

hello my old heart (3209 - she ra, touched starved catra 1)

wherever is your heart (1700 - she ra, touched starved catra 2)

you or your memory (1262 - she ra, catradora ptsd exploration)

the memories and scars (1115 - fullmetal alchemist, parental royai and elric brothers fluff)

time take us (773 - she ra, adora chronic pain au)

also shoutout to this untitled good omens ficlet that got 17.5k on tumblr but did not do nearly as well in the ao3 collection lmao

Do you reply to comments, why or why not?

yes, i always do!!! idk it makes me happy to acknowledge the kind things people say ;; and frequently they say stuff in their comments that i want to scream back about or give explanations/behind the scenes for. also i've made friends this way!!!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

im not super a person to leave off with angsty endings, so in recent memory probably this catra cuts her hair fic that takes place after save the cat. or maybe this fic that is almost entirely claudia thedragonprince whump cause i was really Going TF Through It at the time and had to take it out on someone

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

i tend to go hurt/comfort or bittersweet a lot, but probably the like. just absolute Happiest is heartlines on your hand which was the last in the touch starved catra series and was just. the sappiest sap to ever sap

Do you write crossovers?

the only crossover i've ever done was an agents of shield/air bud crack fic that we DONT talk about. i got fucking bullied into doing it okay

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not that much honestly? i got a few kind of mean comments on the touch starved catra #1 but also like. that fic got so popular there were bound to be a few. nothing else to my memory?? if there were a few on older stuff i probably just dont remember it at this point lmao

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i really dont lmao. besides not writing a ton of shippy stuff in general, i dont tend to write anything too Spicy. probably the closest i ever got was one short scene in this ineffable husbands 5 + 1 kissing fic that did not do as well as i thought it deserved tbh hahahaha

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of????? yall would tell me right lol

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i wrote a little ficlet about elena aos celebrating a colombian holiday with the team and a colombian friend translated it for their family! but i believe that is it. that ficlet isnt even on ao3 i tried to find it but was unable to. i dont believe anything has been translated for public consumption

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i don't think so? but i have gotten fanfic for my aos adoption au series!

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i pretty much write things in one sitting or not at all lmao. i dont tend to take on a lot of series and stick to one shots as well. unless its over 8k i probably wrote it in one day. even the ones longer than that usually took less than a week from start to publication (for example, paladin!aelwyn fic is 15k and took 4 days of actual writing over less than a week to write, edit, and publish)

What are your writing strengths?

i feel like im best at dialogue and tend to get a lot of compliments on in-character voices. dialogue is my favorite to write lmao. i also think im good at describing spacing and movements, because i tend to think like. almost exclusively verbally and like?? physically?? if that makes sense?? when i write i picture almost nothing but i can "feel" what the character is doing. like i imagine making the gestures and everything but dont necessarily see anything as a picture in my head

(fun fact: for actual play fic i actually uh. picture the players acting it out, not the characters in the world. lmao whoops. like the first draft of it at least is 'what does this look/sound like at the table' and then i make it into a fic)

What are your writing weaknesses?

coming from the last question, definitely description, again because i picture almost nothing when i write. i have a VERY VERY hard time thinking with visuals. even when im coming up with description, i just THINK WORDS that would describe something, not picture it. so a lot of time i have to base my description on something or im just like. pulling descriptive words out of my ass with no basis. and the visual of it doesnt always make sense to other people. the other thing i struggle a lot with is action scenes, rip

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i think there's a time and a place and a right way to do it. i think with anything, it's not a "write what you know" but "know what you write". if youre writing someone multilingual, understand how multilingual people actually talk and use those languages. i think the closest i've gotten is "writing signs" for amaya from dragon prince. obviously thats not exactly the same, but for those fics i went back and forth between translating what she was saying, giving the exact signs without grammar, or just describing the movement of the signs. i dont know that i did it perfectly, but i did my best and learned from it. everything in those fics was knowledge i gained from my ASL classes in college (mostly taught by Deaf teachers)

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

technically digimon when i was like 7 years old lmao but first published fic was for avatar in 2007 on ff

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

it definitely changes depending on what i've written recently, but i'm really proud of paladin!aelwyn fic and am still really happy with the catradora ptsd exploration and this self-indulgent ineffable husbands mutual pining fic, but i also will say that writing humor is not always easy for me so whenever i feel like i pulled it off i am very proud of that hahaha

-

tagging @agentcalliope @floralprintshark @beatricexbenedick @marshmallsy @frenchibi @rizguks @strangetorpedos @labelleofbelfastcity

[nocturnal-dreams]

I might take this down later tonight so if you want to screenshot it so you can use my words against me like in 2 months again go the fuck ahead but I've heard so many anons going on my account that I will not be responding to because well I really couldn't give less of a fuck. Anons are pissed off at me for multiple reasons. While its 1am and I'm kind of drunk, I feel like I can quickly explain myself.

⚠️ Stop reading now if you really couldn't give a damn ⚠️

➖Okay so I've seen a lot of people pissed off at me for writing for c!Schlatt. Now I completely agree that you can be mad at Schlatt, he's said some fucked up things but to be attacking his fans and the people who are a fan of his character, no that's fucked up and if you're a follower of mine and hate on Schlatt fans, you can kindly fuck off, you're no follower of mine. Look I'm sorry but I'm not gonna stop writing for a character that I enjoy because the internet isnt a fucking perfect picket white fence.

Another thing related to Schlatt is JustAMinx or the chuckle sandwich crew in general but I'll just talk about Minx. I'm still gonna write for her since I genuinely enjoy her content. Do I like that she's friends with Kacey? Absolutely not but Minx is an adult and it's up to her to make her own choices. Do I wish she'd not support Kacey, absolutely but once again she's an adult and its up to her to be responsible when looking at who she's to be friends with

➖Okay number 2, my dress pictures or just the pictures I post of my irl life in general. I've been getting a lot of hate anons lately that are mad at me for wearing a dress because people think I'm faking being non-binary for clout, shut the fuck up. I can wear my packer and binder and I'm still gonna be non-binary, what's so different about me wearing a fucking dress that shows a little cleavage? Grow the fuck up

Another few anons I've been getting are about my weight in the photos, people claiming they're worried about my health, no bro you're just being a dick. Look I am afab and I have a little thing called a uterus, now something that this uterus causes me to do is bloating, but I also have a thing called tits. Now I dont know if you knew this but porn stars may have huge fucking tits and no fat but you know what that is? That's surgeries and dieting to one piece of food every week. Now do I feel like doing any of that? Fuck no, I'm confident in my body and I'll wear whatever the fuck I want no matter my size.

So here's for you fucks:

➖Number 3, some people are mad at me for keeping myself private? I made a post like 2 months ago I think now telling people that they dont know me, they only know what I wish to tell them and that I like to live a private life. The reason for this post? Because I had an anon send me a ask of my exact location and birth name, I am safe dont worry but the second that happened, I felt like I needed to set some kind of boundary because that was fucking creepy especially because at that time, I was living with my friend and her two year old daughter.

In that post I said "I care about all of you guys but I dont know you and you dont know me, what I say is what I choose to tell you guys." People took that is me referring to everyone as a number, once again my words being taken out of context

➖Number 4, look I'm not a licensed therapist so stop treating me like I am one. I'm human to and need my breaks. You can message me and send me as ask if you need somewhere to vent but how about we dont get pissed off at me if I dont answer immediately or if my advice isn't good enough. I dont have all the answers, I try to help with the knowledge that I have.

Also please put a trigger warning at the start of your ask, it just helps me be able to filter everything better and also stops people if they skim read and might be put into a bad place, it's just so helpful to do and it takes two seconds

➖Number five, calling me a groomer for interacting with minors...

*inhale* WHAT?! So you're telling me that me supporting talented writers who happen to be minors and being someone they can talk to and be like a parental figure to is me being a groomer? Huh?!

I'm sorry but that is completely bullshit, want to see a groomer? Look at someone like James Charles or Onison, get your head out of your ass

➖Number 6, the one that pisses me off the most. "You dont write enough", do you really think in any kind of small pea brain mind that people being rude to me about not writing enough is gonna make me want to write more? I took a break from writing in the first place because people were being dicks to me about it, saying oh you spelt this wrong, or this is so cringy, or stop making the person ooc.

I write for myself and I'm gonna be honest, I have many finished drafts and fic ideas but I dont want to post them because well I'm tired of being shitted on for every minor mistake.

➖look I'm not a perfect person and have never tried to come across as one. I fuck up and I'm sure you do too. At this rate with all the hate anons recently, I'm very close to turning off anon asks or just asks in general. But I don't want to do that because my anon asks are for people who want to vent but want to stay anonymous and I feel like that would take away that security of I turned it off.

Just let people exist and get your head out of your ass

[tsukidrama]

j anon ♡

the coolest mf on the planet sent me a review of my most favorite fic i've ever written. i ended up breaking it up for ease of reading as we both ramble more than usual (this is not an issue, you know how i love to talk)

links:

cold hands, cold heart part 2 [nsfw]

(and also part 1 too just in case)

i didn't want the ask to leave my inbox because i've been rereading this every day recently 🥺 you're amazing, can i just say that?

IM LITERALLY SOO GAYY FOR WRITING THAT QLDHEKSJ AND SO ARE YOU FOR THOSE BEIN UR FAVORITE PARTS IWLEUKJDS. seriously though, thank you!! i don't even know how to properly respond to this i just start kicking my little legs happily. the imagery rly is what pulls you into the story �� ngl i wrote this so that i would know what it felt like to be there with her in that moment but it's sooo endearing and sweet to hear other people's reactions to reading it, especially for the emotional aspects and not just the steamy bits. omg j, the experience of being understood 💕

oh damn yeah i see why you say that! it's the heavy visual imagery and the association with the moon, too. it makes me feel so 🥰 to know that somebody is out there and making connections between my different works 🥺 that's so personal and i love you so much for it holy shit.

and thank you for the validation too, i feel so seen!! exactly! all the details are essential to the plot and to the experience i'm describing, it literally could not have been shorter. hell, if anything, i could have made it longer.

NONO ITS NOT DUMB AT ALL OMFG THIS IS HONESTLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE COMMENTS YOUVE EVER MADE! LMAO I HAD TO GIVE IT IT'S OWN SPOTLIGHT WLKEJHWKDJF I AGREE SO HARD! in canon there is no way in hell that they'd have the time or care to make sure their pubes are shaved. i dont like when people give them hairless pussies, i know it's not that deep but i feel strongly about it qjsnemmddn

in my humble personal opinion, Annie would TOTALLY have a bush anyway. always, even in modern AUs. lmao she doesn't give a fuck, and anybody that would take issue with that just wouldn't get anywhere near her pussy to begin with! also pubes are sexy, i said what i said. it's like a welcome mat yknow? soft and inviting.... honey,, i'm home!

YEP THATS IT THATS THE FIC. that's the best way anyone has ever summed up the central point as well as "Annie opened up and gave herself to reader while still holding back deep down". yowch! my heart hurts.

hnmng... yeah. hehe. wouldn't you just die? every single time i reread that scene it still has the same effect of like, needing to hide and bury my face away lololol. why thank you! i do my best to try to do realistic smut in general, it makes me feel closer to them.

GIRL.... you're over here like "does this make sense???" and i'm over here shrieking and dancing because this is like,,, what i've always thought about the fic. nobody but one other friend and my literal wife has ever pointed out to me that they don't think the story is just about sex. like yeah obv they fuck so in that regard it is, but it's not about getting laid. it's about a genuine moment of connection between Annie and somebody who has a very pure love for her, even if it is to the point of naievity. especially if it's to the point of naievity.

they care about each other so much :') it takes a lot to make her cold heart melt (pun intended)... i guess i got you too! aHA caught you slippin ;))

thank you 🥺💕💕 like yeah it's just fanfic but it was also a character study, and my only way of giving a fictional character the love and gentleness that i feel she deserves 💕 I LOVE HER SOOO MUCCHHH 🥺😵

girl stoppp that's such a mood. you should see my drafts. recently i wrote the phrase "in the barn" three times all in the same sentence, it made me cackle. while writing I jus let the spirit flow thru me...... and then i edit like a madwoman to make sure that it's not chickenscratch gobbledygook because it often is at first. lmao i'm not always as well-spoken as people seem to think.

i think that the awkwardness is actually essential! especially since it's their first time. but like i was saying earlier about liking things to be realistic: when having sex, soemtimes you accidentally get trapped in an awkward angle, or slip and smack your partner in the face. it's messy and wet and sweet and funny, and my goal is for my writing to reflect that.

drljlakjdfh like a wwe match 😂 positions are important and worth describing in my opinion! i'm glad you don't think it's too much though, sometimes i worry that it is.

yesssssss kldjfhkaj thank you!!! for the millionth time thank you! hheheh i love the gentle and sweet talking during smut, it means everything to my soft heart. shockingly i haven't written more smut for Annie (it's because i loooooove her it's so EMBARRASSING actually! I used to be smut queen) but i swear to god just u wait until i post more and you see how consistent i am with reader doing things that she likes.... reader remembers.... and do i seem like the kind of person who is going leave my beloved princess and the queen of my LIFE unsatisfied??? i'd die first

I LOVED IT!! sorry i took a while to post my response though! i went back and forth between not wanting to publish it at all (literally i want it in my ask box forever i can never let go) and then being too overwhelmed by my feels to respond coherently akljfdhlasjd I just have a lot to say and so many feelings, I MISS YOU BTW

[justkeeptrekkin]

1) congrats on finishing a book!! 2) absolutely dont want to devalue how painful agent rejection is. i totally get that. i've been there and will be there again in the soon future. but 20 rejections is like ... not much? its not enough to get down on your writing about. it doesnt mean your perfect agent isnt out there. 20 rejections means you go back to the query letter again, revise that first chapter, and start the next round of queries. this is round one. 50-100 rejections is COMMON (1)

“(cont) not getting many full requests until draft 4-6 is COMMON, not getting an agent until book 3-4 is VERY COMMON. honestly making it in publishing is just a matter of stubbornness. its really hard not to get down about your writing because of some rejections. but the only people who get published are the ones who keep keep KEEP writing and keep trying. if you believe in yourself, keep going!!! dont stop believing in your projects. tell yourself you'll make it one day & dont stop until you do”

**

Thank you anon, this is really cool. It’s nice to hear from someone in a smiliar position. <3 This is a very kind and motivational message.

It’s unfair, because... I used to work in the publishing industry so i know how hard it is-- and yet I still get down on myself! And instinctively think it reflects the quality of my writing more than the state of the industry. And that is so WRONG because the industry is the one that’s fucking fucked, bro.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how agents and editors say that they’re looking for Fresh New Voices and how they then always seem to publish the same thing over and over, never following through on their promises to diversify. They rarely seem to know what they want?

For years agents have been saying they’re looking for POC authors and yet the industry is still severely lacking in that. (I’m not poc, but it’s appalling how white the industry is, something that needs to be fixed now more than ever.) They say they’re looking for LGBT+ voices (which I do fall under) and then come back and say ‘sorry sweaty, that’s not the Right Queer Voice for us :/ only commercial queer that we can fetishise, please’. They talk big talk about expanding literature and looking beyond the conventional and then... don’t asdkflajs

Basically I’m just shading massively on the publishing industry. I hated working in it, I’m glad I’m out of it, and I’m going to have this book published one way or another. Just to give those bitches a big middle finger.

POC authors, LGBT+ authors, everyone from under-represented corners of society who are writing books about your experience: you are AMAZING and you DESERVE to have your voice heard. Even if one straight white lady called Patricia is sitting behind her desk and says no.

[whispy-juniper]

Word vomit vent/thoughts about ed under the cut. Draft that's been sitting for a few months now.

I've very recently realized I've NEVER had a normal/healthy relationship with food.

I started restricting to lose weight when I was on the opposite end of it all and constantly gorged myself uncontrollably and I didnt know WHY... and suddenly deciphered the reasons and feelings and realized I COULD DO WHATEVER I WANTED WITH FOOD.

When I was little - and I'm talking starting in 1st grade or kindergarten - my mother would send me to school with a lunch box stuffed with mostly just snack foods. Then when I came home she would take my lunch box from me and go through it to see if I "ate enough" for HER judgement. If I didn't "eat enough" i would get in trouble.

I got in trouble A LOT.

I have distinct memories of giving my food away or just straight up throwing it away so it would appear that I had "ate enough".

If I dared to get hot lunch oh boy I had better have what I ate memorized when I got home. Because if I couldn't remember or if she didnt deem it "enough" I would get in trouble.

If we went out to eat I would often get in trouble for not "eating enough". Even when I was full.

I developed a habit of constantly gorging myself to the point of making myself sick to avoid getting in trouble.

This shit started when I was fucking 4!!

I get why she did it. Or at least what she told me. It was bc she was worried about my hypoglycemia. But forcing your kid to constantly gorge themselves on anything and everything to the point of sickness is NOT helpful. A balanced well rounded meal would have been helpful. But nah. Fuck that.

It didn't help that on top of this my mother was obsessed with her own weight and constantly dieted but was always heavier and she shit talked herself CONSTANTLY and still does to this day.

There isnt even a single photo in existence of when she was pregnant with me. Because "I was fat when I was pregnant" "I was ugly when I was pregnant" "You made me fat" "You made me ugly" "Its your fault my stomach is fat"

Anyways after I earned enough money and got my own place at 22 during the first visit to my new place my mother dug through my entire kitchen and grilled me on what I had been eating.

I was 22 for fucks sake.

I do remember fighting with her and telling her off bc I was sick of her being OBSESSED with my food intake.

So I constantly gorged myself. All the time. And I hated it bc my stomach hurt all the time. But I had this guilt and fear that it was never enough even though I ate so much i was sick.

Then one day it all just clicked. I was at work. I dont even remember what I was doing. But it clicked that I never had to gorge myself on food again if I didnt want to and all the reasons why I constantly did that were so clear.

And I just IMMEDIATELY spiraled the opposite way.

I keep seeing posts on the dangers of restricting and eating disorders. And I thought. They're right. It's scary. I need to work on having a healthy relationship with food.

And I realized I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD IS. I legitimately have no idea. I dont understand anything about the idea.

I've had unhealthy relationships with food and shitty body image shoved down my throat since I was in literal DIAPERS.

So now I'm restricting bc I'm getting older and I cant get fat when I'm older. I've been lucky that I had a high metabolism and lots of hard physical work growing up so I never got obese even with the constant overeating but I can see the chub in old photos.