#but that’s kind of beside the point. between a trans reading of ace and his character itself and interpreting selkie stories in a trans way

[crocodilenjoyer]

absolutely i would. there’s a short story i really like called selkie stories are for losers that deals with grief, abandonment, and what home and family do and don’t mean and the selkie part is kind of ambiguous as to whether the narrator is literally a selkie or not, but i think a lot of the torn-between-worlds and having-a-complicated-family-history things fit ace really well, especially given how heavily trust and betrayal factor into selkie stories as a whole. i think ace choosing his home, being haunted by his families, and being a whimsical little pile of secrets and complexes would translate pretty well to a selkie au. his skin and his instincts carry the echoes of his mother, and he learns to trust the people around him. he doesn’t have to choose the sea or the land; he belongs to both, and he is able to make his own choices. he is unchained.

i think ace would make good selkie material

[nyaagolor]

Hi Again, it's HGA here. Really darn happy that you're having a blast with Ace Attorney; you really get the characters and who they are. That post about Manfred being an anti-bigot and Von Karma being such supporter of gay and trans rights to the point of calling out somebody being anti-LGBT in court is greater than gold. Also that one about LGBT AA villains is great as well.

I do have one writing request if possible; a drabble or ficlet about Nemona riding Spectrier. Something that should happen during this fanfiction is Nemona making her Spectrier rear up on its hind legs. Other than that, anything else is up to you.

Please do take your time with it and don't overstain yourself. Make sure that the fic doesn't take priority over anything else you're doing or plan on doing, I adore your Ace Attorney posts. Hopefully, you are doing well now and in the future, too. I can't wait to read what series you will get into from now and the posts you'll make about it.

: )

Sorry this took so long!! Here ya go :)

-

When Penny had invited Nemona to Galar, she had expected her to do something dumb. Galar was the land of battle maniacs and the world’s largest gym circuit, and Penny knew that the match culture coupled with Nemona’s tendency to bite off more than she could chew was going to lead to some kind of disaster. Some kind of crash-and-burn situation was bound to happen, but in all honesty Penny was expecting it to be some kind of trouble with Miraidon or a beleaguered gym leader or Nemona simply getting wrapped up in the region’s battle imbued politics somehow. Instead, Nemona took it upon herself to revive and befriend an ancient folk legend and the equine embodiment of death, which was now standing in their cabin kitchen eating Penny’s shrimp chips.

The ghostly apparition of pestilence and death was as steadfast as it was silent, and did not seem to regard Penny as someone worthy of acknowledgment as it snacked away. Nemona was beside it, tapping incessantly at her phone and she took battle strategy notes. She seemed altogether unconcerned at her legendary friend as she did with its legendary battle capabilities, and would occasionally reach out to stroke the beast’s neck when she thought of something particularly noteworthy. Penny just looked between them— at the capricious god and the girl who seemed to care little about this. Suddenly, Nemona tapped her phone to send it back to her pocket, bouncing up in delight. Spectrier watched her lazily until Nemona suddenly patted her knees.

“Walkies?” she announced as though she weren’t talking to the literal lord of the tundra. Spectrier paused mid-chew, ears perking up. Was this some kind of a joke?

Nemona just patted her knees again and scampered outside, Spectrier following closely behind. Trying to get over her initial shock, Penny eventually scrambled to the front porch, watching in terrified awe as Nemona thoughtlessly scaled the horse’s back and pat the side of its head.

“Vamanos!” she cheered, and before Penny could warn her the ghost-type had taken off in a gallop. Nemona cheered as the horse frolicked in the freshly fallen snow, send clouds of powder as it turned in tight circles and raced happily along the plains. Penny stood, shocked, in the doorframe, only able to watch as Nemona effortlessly guided the legendary steed. They raced up a hill, together as one, when Spectrier suddenly reared as they reached the top. Nemona laughed, unfazed, as the setting sun cast their silhouette in gold. Spectrier wheeled its front legs, Nemona cheering her praises, and the two were off down the other side of the hill, ghostly whinnies and laughter echoing through the tundra. Penny just stared for a moment, awestruck, until the cold set in again. Closing the door, she shook her head at the thought of it, no longer surprised by the antics of her friend and placing an online order for snack delivery. She kind of wanted shrimp chips now.

[evanescentjasmine]

I’m going to talk about a little pet peeve of mine with regard to portrayal of poc in fic, TMA specifically since that’s what I mostly read and write for. 

I suppose I should first start by saying that, of course, poc are not a monolith, and I’m certain there are other poc who have many different views on this issue. And also this post is in no way meant to demonise, shame, or otherwise discourage people from writing poc in fic if they’re doing something differently. This is just a thing I’ve been noodling on for a while and have had several interesting conversations with friends about, and now that I think I’ve figured out why I have this pet peeve, I figured I’d gather my thoughts into a post.

As a result of the fact we have no canonical racial, ethnic, or religious backgrounds for our main TMA cast, we’ve ended up with many diverse headcanons, and it’s absolutely lovely to see. I’m all for more diversity and I’m always delighted to see people’s headcanons. 

However, what often happens is I’ll be reading a fic and plodding along in a character’s PoV and get mention of their skin colour. And nothing else. I find this, personally, extremely jarring. In a short one-shot it makes sense, because you’re usually touching on one scenario and then dipping out. Likewise if the fic is in a different setting, is cracky, or is told from someone else’s PoV, that’s all fine. But if I’m reading a serious long-fic close in the poc’s head and...nothing? That’s just bizarre to me.

Your heritage, culture, religion, and background, all of those affect how you view the world, and how the world views you in return. How people treat you, how you carry yourself, what you’re conscious of, all of that shifts. And the weird thing is that many writers are aware of this when it comes to characters being ace or trans or neurodivergent—and I’m genuinely pleased by that, don’t get me wrong. Nothing has made my ace self happier than the casual aceness in TMA fics that often resonates so well with my experience. But just as gender, orientation, and neurodivergence change how a character interacts with their world, so do race, ethnicity, and religion. 

As a child, I spent a couple of years in England while my mother was getting her degree. Though I started using Arabic less and less, my mother still spoke to me almost exclusively in Arabic at home. We still ate romy cheese and molokhia and the right kind of rice, though we missed out on other things. She managed to get an Egyptian channel on TV somehow, which means I still grew up with different cultural touchstones and make pop-culture references that I can’t share with my non-Arabic-speaking friends. She also became friends with just about every Egyptian in her university, so for those years I had a bevy of unrelated Uncles and Aunties from cities all over Egypt, banding together to go on outings or celebrate our holidays.

As an adult who sometimes travels abroad solo, and as a fair-skinned Arab who’s fluent in English, usually in a Western country the most I’ll get is puzzled people trying to parse my accent and convinced someone in my family came from somewhere. When they hear my name, though, that shifts. I get things like surprise, passive-aggressive digs at my home region, weird questions, insistence I don’t look Egyptian (which, what does that even mean?) or the ever-popular, ever-irritating: Oh, your English is so good!

At airports, with my Egyptian passport, it’s less benign. I am very commonly taken aside for extra security, all of which I expect and am prepared for, and which always confuses foreign friends who insisted beforehand that surely they wouldn’t pull me aside. Unspoken is the fact I, y’know, don’t look like what they imagine a terrorist would. But I’m Arab and that’s how it goes, despite my, er, more “Western” leaning presentation. 

This would be an entirely different story if I were hijabi, or had darker skin, or a more pronounced accent. I am aware I’m absolutely awash with privilege. Likewise, it would be different if I had a non-Arab name and passport. 

So it’s slightly baffling to me as to why a Jon who is Pakistani or Indian or Arab and/or Black British would go through life the exact same way a white British character would. 

Now, I understand that race and ethnicity can be very fraught, and that many writers don’t want to step on toes or get things wrong or feel it isn’t their place to explore these things, and certainly I don’t think it’s a person’s place to explore The Struggles of X Background unless they also share said background. I’m not saying a fic should portray racism and microaggressions either (and if they do, please take care and tag them appropriately), but that past experiences of them would affect a character. A fic doesn’t have to be about the Arab Experience With Racism (™) to mention that, say, an Arab Jon headed to the airport in S3 for his world tour would have been very conscious to be as put together as he could, given the circumstances, and have all his things in order. 

And there’s so much more to us besides. What stories did your character grow up with? What language was spoken at home? Do they also speak it? If not, how do they feel about that? What are their comfort foods? Their family traditions? The things they do without thinking? The obscure pop-culture opinions they can’t even begin to explain? (Ask me about the crossover between Egyptian political comedy and cosmic horror sometime…)

I’m not saying you’ll always get it right. Hell, I’m not saying I always get it right either. I’m sure someone can read one of my fics and be like, “nope, this isn’t true to me!” And that’s okay. The important thing, for me, is trying.

Because here’s the thing. 

I want you to imagine reading a fic where I, a born and raised Egyptian, wrote white characters in, say, a suburb in the US as though they shared my personal experiences. It’s a multi-generational household, people of the same gender greet with a kiss on each cheek, lunch is the main meal, adults only move out when they get married, every older person they meet is Auntie or Uncle, every bathroom has a bidet, there’s a backdrop of Muslim assumptions and views of morality, and the characters discuss their Eid plans because, well, everyone celebrates Eid, obviously.

Weird, right? 

So why is this normal the other way around? 

Have you ever stopped to wonder why white (and often, especially American) experiences are considered the default? The universal inoffensive base on which the rest is built? 

Yes, I understand that writers are trying to be inoffensive and respectful of other backgrounds. But actually, I find the usual method of having the only difference be their skin colour or features pretty reductive. We’re more than just a paint job or a sprinkle of flavour to add on top of the default. Many of us have fundamentally different life experiences and ignoring this contributes to that assumption of your experience being universal. 

Yes, fic is supposed to be for fun and maybe you don’t want to have to think about all this, and I get that completely. I have all the respect in the world for writers who tag their TMA fics as an American AU, or who don’t mention anyone’s races. I get it. But when you have characters without a canonical race and you give them one, you’re making a decision, and I want you to think about it. 

Yes, this is a lot of research, but the internet is full of people talking about themselves and their experiences. Read their articles, read their blogs, read their twitter threads, watch their videos, see what they have to say and use it as a jumping-off point. I’m really fond of the Writing With Color blog, so if you’re not sure where to start I’d recommend giving them a look. 

Because writers outside of the Anglosphere already do this research in order to write in most fandoms. Writers of colour already put themselves in your shoes to write white characters. And frankly, given the amount of care that many white writers put into researching Britishisms, I don’t see why this can’t extend to other cultural differences as well.

[igirisuhito]

Title: Bara Boy Relationship(s): Komaeda Nagito/Hinata Hajime Rating: Explicit Summary: Hinata Hajime had always known he was trans. It wasn’t a big deal, it was just how things were. He passed well as a boy, and had gotten by just fine in highschool without people finding out his secret. That is, until Komaeda draws it out of him. Trigger Warnings: Referenced rape/non-con, Referenced underage sex, Referenced homophobia, Piss jokes, Choking, Dubious consent, Transphobia, Komaeda not knowing what “boundaries” are Disclaimer: This is... old. You may disagree with my interpretation of the characters and how I wrote them to be. That is not my problem. The trans experience is uniquely felt and interpreted by each individual, there is no “correct” way to write it.

[Ao3 Link]

────── 〔✿〕──────

“You’re not going to join in, Hinata-kun?”

A gentle voice awoke me from my daydream. A pale figure stood over me, milky chest exposed and white hair damp and flat compared to its usual fluffiness.

The boy looked like a drowned rat.

A swallowed the thought and gave a weak smile. “Sorry, I’m not a big fan of swimming.”

It was honestly my worst nightmare. Being dropped onto a tropical island with a whole class of other teenagers. Hot days of sweat and exhaustion followed by warm nights of sticky skin and restlessness.

And the only relief we were provided was the water and the cool hum of the dining room AC.

Everybody else seemed pleased about the whole thing. Most students went swimming every day. The days they didn’t go swimming they met up in the dining room or hung out on the other islands.

Komaeda knelt down into the sand in beside me, grains of sand sticking to his damp legs. There was plenty of room on the towel, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Are you insecure about your body, Hinata?”

I stared at the boy with wide eyes, shocked by such a brazen question. “U-um...”

I barely got a stutter out before Komaeda started speaking again. “Ah! That’s incredibly presumptuous of me! How could an amazing Ultimate like you ever be insecure! Leave that kind of thing to untalented people like me, Hinata-kun.”

Komaeda grinned a sickly grin. I hated how he managed to read me so well and then dismiss himself of being rude or ridiculous. Was he mocking me?

I sighed and shook my head. “I don’t like swimming, that’s all.”

“That’s understandable!” The Ultimate Luck chirped. “The sea is a very dangerous place, all sorts of unlucky things could happen to you! You may get swept out to sea, or stung by a jellyfish, or impaled on rocks, or-“

“I get the point.”

Komaeda began to wiggle his legs, worming his feet into the sand. “So you’re scared of the sea?”

“No...I just don’t like swimming.”

“So you don’t know how to swim?”

“Of course I know how to swim!”

“Are you worried what others will think of you then?”

“I guess...”

“So you’re insecure!”

“I’m not insecure!”

This was getting frustrating fast. Then again, every conversation with Komaeda was frustrating. The way he pried and picked me apart to find the truth made not only me, but everybody else really angry. It was hard to discern whether it was simple curiosity or an active effort to get people to dislike him.

“I guess you’re not insecure then.” Komaeda's attention was focused on shuffling his feet as far as he could into the sand.

Oh thank god he had given up.

“So is it the way you act that worries you or is it the way you look?”

Oh god fucking dammit.

“Do we have to have this conversation?” I muttered, pulling my knees up to my chest with a sigh.

“Not at all! I’m happy to talk about whatever interests you, Hinata-kun!” The other boy smiled wide as he turned his head back to me. His grey eyes really sparkled in the sunlight.

“We could talk about you?” I tried to sound as non-offending as possible.

Komaeda cackled at my suggestion. “You don’t want to know about trash like me!”

And so the conversation ended. There we were, skin burning beneath the hot sun in silence. I could feel the drops of sweat rolling down my back uncomfortably.

“You know, my parents probably drowned to death after their plane crashed.” Komaeda broke the silence unexpectedly.

His face was expressionless despite his heavy words. We’d talked about his parents deaths before but it seemed as though he had moved past it. It was an obvious ploy to get me to change the subject back to myself.

“Okay, fine.” I huffed as I leaned my hands into the towel. “I am uncomfortable with exposing my body to the others.”

The Ultimate Luck’s face lit up in a smirk, clearly proud of the fact he had cracked me wide open. His expression quickly morphed into one of ponder.

“Why would you be uncomfortable? There are plenty more less attractive bodies on display, such as mine!”

I sighed and stretched my legs back out. “It’s not quite like that.”

“How else could it be? Are you ashamed of your buff chest? You know Nidai has much more impressive muscles.” Komaeda kept his pleasant smile even with the not-so-subtle dig.

“Buff chest?”

Komaeda nodded and glanced down. “You have a really well built chest, like straight out of a bara manga.”

He lifted a sandy hand and pressed it to my chest before I could even say anything. My breath caught in my throat as he pressed skinny fingers into the soft tissue beneath my shirt and binder.

“Huh. I did not expect your pecs to be so...squishy.” Komaeda tilted his head to the side as he cupped a breast in his hand and squeezed.

My face flushed with an unbearable heat. Was he an idiot? Was he a pervert? Was he making fun of me?

I grabbed the boy’s wrist, avoiding his eyes. “I-I’m transgender...”

I felt Komaeda’s body stiffen and he pulled his wrist out of my grasp. “Oh.”

‘Oh.’  One word absolutely killed me on the spot. That’s the response everybody made upon learning. Followed with awkward apologies and people slowly distancing themselves.

I could feel my throat closing up, I was on the verge of tears. I didn’t want to cry in front of Komaeda. Nothing could be more embarrassing.

“I’m so stupid for not picking up on the signs earlier! Oh my! I’m so very sorry Hinata-kun!” Komaeda put his hands on the sides of my face and pulled my gaze back to him.

Huh?

My cheeks squished against Komaeda’s sandy palms. “I’ll try to make this less embarrassing for you! Let’s see...Oh I know! I’m gay!”

“You don’t have to lie about being queer to make me more comfortable.” I tried to speak as well as I could without having my words mushed too much.

“But I am! I have been since I was little! I remember getting beaten up one day for holding another boy’s hand! It must have been bad luck to counteract the good luck of getting to spend time with another man...” Komaeda was beginning to ramble about his luck again.

“Okay okay, I believe you. Please remove your hands from my face.”

The other let go with a weak smile. It was sweet of Komaeda to try and make me feel comfortable by coming out as well. Honestly it didn’t surprise me whatsoever that he was gay. He had taken Tsumuki’s crotch to the face more than once without reaction.

“So you can’t swim because you wear a binder?” Komaeda queried as he shuffled himself onto the towel.

“Yes...I mean I could swim without one but...” I trailed off, a bit uncomfortable with explaining to Komaeda why I didn’t want people seeing my boobs.

“But you could just wade, right?”

I found myself caught off-guard by his suggestion. “Uh, yeah I could.”

The Ultimate stood up off the towel and extended an arm down to me. “Then come on.”

I blinked a couple of times before accepting his hand, being pulled up by Komaeda. He gave me an enthusiastic smile before looking down at my feet.

“Are you able to roll up your jeans?”

“Yeah, gimme a sec."

I bent down and rolled the cuffs of my jeans up to my knees. It felt a lot cooler like this, I don’t know what possessed me to think wearing jeans to the beach was a good idea.

Komaeda grabbed my wrist once again and began leading me down to the water. I heard a couple of giggles from Saionji, but I couldn’t care less.

“Are you sure you’re not gonna melt, witch?!” Her shrill voice called out from the water.

Komaeda laughed an insincere laugh, probably just to amuse her. It was easier to just go along with whatever the girl said to avoid making her cry.

The cold water lapped at my toes, causing me to pull back against the boy’s grip a bit. It was colder than I expected.

“Is it too cold for you, Hinata-kun?” Komaeda stopped in his tracks and glanced back at me.

“No, just surprising.” I mumbled as I stepped a bit further into the water.

Nope nope nope nope it’s really fucking cold.

The boy smiled and waded in until the water was 3 quarters of the way up to his knees. I followed closely after him, skimming my fingers through the chilly water as I began to get used to it.

It was a lot better than the temperature out of it, at least.

“How is it?” Komaeda watched the surface of the water break beneath my fingers.

I exhaled softly. “Nice.”

“I’m glad you decided to join in, Hinata-kun. You always look so sad sitting on the shore by yourself.” Komaeda’s voice was soft as he spoke, but held a serious tone.

“I don’t mind, you know.” I met his gaze with a smile.

“But your hope should be able to shine along with everybody else’s!” The Ultimate grabbed my hand from the water and held it between his own. He pulled my hand up to chest height as his eyes sparkled.

A sigh escaped my lips. “I just don’t think-“

The sound of rushing water filled my ears as I was knocked down into the ocean floor. Sand ground against my face as I gasped in shock, my lungs filling with water. I tried to push myself up, only to be held down by the strong current.

Oh god oh god I was going to drown.

What felt like an eternity passed before a hand roughly grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me up out of the water.

I coughed and spluttered as I sat on my knees in the water, salt water stinging my eyes. The hand on my back rubbed soothingly.

“Ah, such rotten luck. I’m so sorry to get you caught up in this Hinata-kun.”

I recognised the voice as Komaeda's, but was too busy trying to breathe normally to pay him any mind.

“Hey, are you okay?”

I sat back up on my ankles and looked at the boy on his haunches beside me.

“I...I think so.”

Komaeda stared at his hand resting on my back for a second. “Sunflowers, huh?”

I realised he was referring to the pattern on my binder and my face began to feel like it was alight. “Shit. I can’t go back to the beach like this.”

Komaeda laughed softly and straightened himself up. “Wait here, I’ll get my jacket.”

He began to walk back to shore, leaving me cold and breathless in the water. Water covered my knees and went up to my waist, soaking the bottom of my tie.

How humiliating. Not only did I have to be saved by Komaeda from drowning, but now he had to save me from embarrassment too.

I should have stayed on the shore.

I mean, I’m not ashamed of being trans. I know it’s a part of me and I’ve accepted that...it’s just...other people.

Their reactions were always odd. I could meet the most accepting person on earth but it still was weird. Even the most accepting of dudes wouldn’t invite me to a sleepover. Even the most accepting of girls treated me like a gay best friend.

It was exhausting. It made me feel like I didn’t belong no matter how hard I tried.

And now Komaeda, the weirdest person I had ever met, knew my secret.

“Hinata-kun.”

A voice broke me from my thoughts a I looked up to the boy towering over me. He held his green jacket by the shoulders, open and waiting for me.

I stood up and slipped my arms in, muttering a “thanks” as I zipped it closed.

Komaeda simply smiled. “Should we pack up and head back to your cabin?”

With a slight nod, we began to walk together back to the shore. The water swished around our feet, damp sand sunk, dry sand squeaked.

Komaeda shook out the towel we’d been sitting on as I packed up our bags. I picked up my backpack in one hand and Komaeda’s duffel bag in the other.

“Do you want a hand carrying them?” The boy inquired as he folded the towel over his shoulder.

“No, I’m okay thanks.” My voice was a bit strained as I began to walk back to my cabin, Komaeda following close behind.

We walked in silence all the way up to the boardwalk before he spoke again.

“I’m sorry you got swept away because of my awful luck. I shouldn’t have ever thought you would be safe around somebody as dangerous as me.”

I sighed loudly. His self deprecation could be so incredibly exhausting at times like this. “It’s okay Komaeda.”

He didn’t seem convinced but kept quiet anyway. I zipped open the front pocket of my backpack and pulled out my key. Once we were standing outside my door, I pushed it into the lock and twisted until I heard a click then pushed the door open.

Komaeda followed me inside as I walked in and dumped the bags on the floor. I threw myself down onto my bed with a groan of exhaustion.

“Hinata-kun, do you mind if I use your shower? The salt water is awful for my hair.” The boy stroked a few fingers through damp white locks.

“I think it’s more fatal for your hair.” I giggled, not entirely processing what he said.

Wait.

“You want to shower? In my cabin?!”

“Ah! It’s okay if you would prefer me to not, I can understand why you wouldn’t want somebody disgusting like me in your bathroom. I’ll just use the shower in my room.” Komaeda made his usual fake smile before picking up his duffel bag from the floor.

I sat up quickly and put my hands out to stop him. “No no no! I mean...do you really want to shower in my cabin? With me here?”

Komaeda looked somewhat puzzled. “Why wouldn’t I? Oh! Do you have plans to murder me? Feel free to do as you like Hinata-kun! It would be an honour to be murdered by you!”

His sick sense of humour made me roll my eyes. “It’s nothing, go ahead.”

Komaeda opened his mouth to say something before quickly closing it again and taking his duffel bag with him into the bathroom. The door shut with a click behind him.

I laid myself back down again, wrapping my arms around myself. Komaeda’s jacket is so comfy, I couldn’t help but snuggle up a bit.

It smelled of salt and Komaeda.

Oh no, I’m being weird.

I unzipped the jacket and slipped my arms out of it. I was folding it up just as I heard the sound of running water. It was weird how casual and carefree the boy could be sometimes…

Not that it was a bad thing.

I set the jacket down on the bed before threading my fingers into my tie. I pulled off the damp fabric and began to undo the buttons of my shirt.

Hmm, maybe it was best if I had a shower before I changed.

I left my buttons a few undone from the collar down. I unrolled my jeans, sand falling out from the fabric and onto the wooden floor. What a pain.

Komaeda had left my towel on the floor next to my backpack. I was going to have to wash it later along with the rest of my sandy clothes. My eyes wandered up to the clock on the wall.

2:48

It wasn’t nearly as late as it felt.

The sound of running water stopped. He must be done with his shower. I wandered over to my cupboard and pulled out a pair of navy blue boxers with white flowers, a pair of grey shorts, and a plain white t-shirt.

“Excuse me Hinata-kun...”

I heard the bathroom door creak open slightly and Komaeda’s voice spoke meekly.

Oh god, had I left something weird in the bathroom?

“What’s up?”

“I didn’t bring any clean clothes.”

Seriously? The nerve of this guy…

“Would you mind going to my cabin and getting me some? I’m sure there’s a pile on the bed of clothes I forgot to put in my bag this morning.”

I groaned and walked up to the bathroom door, looking away and putting my arm through the gap. “Just wear some of mine. We’re about the same size anyway.”

“Hinata-kun! Your generosity never fails to astound me! You truly are the embodiment of hope itself!” Komaeda chirped as he took the clothes from my hand.

I pulled my arm back in and closed the door with a huff, did that boy do anything right?

I went back to my cupboard and pulled out more clothes for myself. A pair of white boxers with pink flowers, a pair of green shorts and a grey t-shirt with a yellow star printed with the word ‘hope’ in all lowercase comic sans.

Where on earth does Usami get this stuff...?

I added it to my pile begrudgingly as the bathroom door opened, a half dried Komaeda stepping out in the clothes I had given him.

It felt kinda weird to see him wearing my clothes.

“Thank you, Hinata-kun. I don’t know what I would have done without you.” Komaeda grinned as he patted his hair dry with a white towel.

“You didn’t really leave me with many options. The option to do nothing and let you run naked back to your own cabin would have given me a reputation.” I huffed as I looked to the floor.

“Hmm, that’s a fair point. Well, I am going back to my room now. Thanks for letting me use your shower.” Komaeda smiled and waved a hand in the air before swinging his bag over his shoulder.

I waved back and headed into the bathroom where he had been moments ago, pile of clothes in hand. I shut the door behind me and dropped them to the floor.

I don’t really know what I expected, but the bathroom was just as I had left it. Though, all the bottles in the shower had been stood back up and placed on the rack.

Petty…

I unbuttoned the rest of my shirt and slid it off my shoulders. I unclipped the side of my binder and basically peeled it off my skin. Gross.

I undid my jeans and pulled them down over my legs with difficulty. Being so damp had melded all of my clothes to my skin. I slid my boxers down and off my ankles before stepping into the shower and turning it on.

Warm water hit my chest, coaxing a moan from my lungs. Clean water was so nice after being in the ocean.

I rinsed my hair and picked up my bottle of shampoo, squeezing a bit into my hands and rubbing it into my hair. I placed the bottle back on the shelf, where Komaeda had left it.

He made me feel somewhat ashamed of my untidiness.

I lathered up my hair thoroughly before rinsing it again. I picked up the bottle of ‘tropical paradise shower gel’ and squeezed a bit onto my hand. I lathered it up a bit between my hands before beginning to rub the mango scented soap into my skin.

Thinking about it now, Komaeda had reacted very differently to the whole trans thing.

Sure, he was upset he hadn’t realised. But like, he didn’t seem uncomfortable by it. Most people make it seem like I had been tricking or lying to them.

And then he had gotten me his jacket to hide my binder?

And showered in my cabin without a hint of worry?

And was now walking around in my underwear and clothes...

That’s weird! This isn’t normally the way people treat me! People are usually grossed out and confused!

I rinsed the soap from my skin with a sigh. Komaeda Nagito is a weird, weird guy.

I turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, reaching for a towel before wrapping it around myself.

What if he told the other Ultimates? Would he do that? Surely not...he was crazy but at least he had common decency, right?

I patted myself dry and shook  the water out of my hair. I should probably ask him not to tell people just in case…

I pulled on my boxers and shorts before slipping my arms into the stupid shirt and wiggling it over my head.

Hanging up my towel, I turned off the bathroom light and headed back into my room. I wandered over to the bed and flopped down.

Man, almost drowning really takes it out of you...

I closed my eyes for just a second.

A second…

Knock knock

Godammit.

I pulled my legs over the side of the bed with a groan and walked towards the door. I opened it to see a gleaming face staring back at me.

“Hinata-kun! You weren’t sleeping were you?” Komaeda chirped.

“No, it’s alright.” I smiled at him, feeling less tired than before.

“Ah, that’s good. I like your shirt, may I come in?”

I nodded and stepped aside, allowing the fluffy haired boy into my room. I shut the door behind as he sat himself on my bed.

“I got something for you...to apologise.” Komaeda smiled as I noticed he had a medium sized parcel in his hands.

I pressed my fingers to my forehead in frustration. “Komaeda, you don’t have to apologise for anything. Plus I saw you like ten minutes ago, what on earth could you have gotten?”

“Ten minutes?” The boy spoke in a confused voice. “I left here nearly 4 hours ago.”

I glanced around at the clock.

7:43

“Huh. Maybe I did have a nap.” I mumbled before sitting down beside Komaeda.

“So you haven’t eaten? Do you want me to ask Hanamura to make you something?” His voice was concerned yet caring.

I shook my head. “I ate way too much at lunch.”

Komaeda nodded in response. “Okay. Well, take this.”

He shoved the parcel into my hands and gripped his knees tightly. “I’m sorry if this comes off as me overstepping my boundaries. But I want to see you be the brightest hope you can be...”

That sentence made me even more worried than I was before. The parcel was more of a gift box, fit with even a little blue ribbon on the top. It was awfully cute.

I pulled the lid off the box and set it down beside me. Inside the box was black fabric, a garment?

With careful hands, I lifted it out of the box and let it unfold. It looked a bit like a tank top, the kind of one that sporty guys wore.

“It’s a swimming binder. It looks kind of like a compression tank top and is tight enough to give you a flat chest but loose enough to let you swim...at least that’s what Usami said.” Komaeda squeezed his thighs together as he spoke, averting his eyes away.

A binder...I can swim in?

“Komaeda...” I breathed.

“You’re offended and disgusted, I knew it. Scum like me should never have stepped out of place like this.”

“This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me...”

I threw my arms around the skinny boy, grinning impossibly wide as I squeezed him tightly as I could. “Thank you so much Komaeda.”

Komaeda wrapped his arms around my torso and hugged me back with a slight blush on his cheeks. “I-It’s the least someone like me could do...”

I let up my embrace to instead grip the boy’s shoulders. “Wanna go for a swim?”

“Isn’t it going to be dark soon?” Komaeda refuted.

“We could go to the pool?” I suggested, letting go of the boy and picking up the binder again.

“Huh. That sounds good.” He smiled softly, genuinely.

Komaeda looked so nice like this. The sunlight coming through my window hit his face in all the right spots. His white hair draped over his forehead. He really was an attractive guy.

But I didn’t have time to stare, I wanted to go swimming.

I stood up from the bed and stepped over to my cupboard. I pulled out a pair of plain black board shorts.

Komaeda stood up and wandered towards the door. “Shall I meet you there?”

“Yup!” I called out as I shut the cupboard, shorts in hand.

The boy left before I could even give him a glance. As soon as I heard the door shut behind him I buried my face in the black fabric. I shouldn’t be so surprised, I’ve given Komaeda a few gifts before that I’d collected. I just...never expected anything back. Especially not something like this. A gift so...considerate.

Komaeda is the exact opposite of considerate. Especially not of people’s feelings.

But he had been so incredibly considerate today. Was he finally starting to settle into the realisation that we weren’t going to die here?

God I never know what that guy is thinking.

I pulled off my shirt and wiggled the binder over my head. It was a bit hard to get on since it was a pullover rather than the hooked side ones I usually wear.

I pulled the bunched up fabric down over my belly. Man you really couldn’t tell. Usami had done a great job with this.

I pulled off my shorts and swapped them out for the board shorts.

I was finally going to be able to fit in.

I was finally going to be able to cool off with everyone else.

I was finally going to not be bullied by Saionji!

Actually, no that probably wasn’t going to stop.

I left my cabin, not bothering to lock the door behind me as I made my way to the pool. I was absolutely brimming with confidence and excitement.

Since the pool wasn’t far away, it barely took me more than a minute to get there. Komaeda was already waiting, sitting on the pool's edge and dangling his legs into the water.

“Hinata-kun! You look good.” The boy smiled after eyeing me up and down.

I scratched the back of my neck, a bit embarrassed to be receiving a genuine compliment from Komaeda, instead of the usual self-deprecating ones he made.

“Thanks, I guess?” I sat myself down beside him and let my legs hang down into the water. Unlike the sea, the pool was heated and pleasant.

The sun was going down over the island and the sky was awash with a beautiful shade of gold. The water reflected the sky, creating a pool of yellow.

“I think I should be admiring the sky right now, but all I can think about is the fact the pool looks like it’s full of piss.”

I snapped my head to my left, unable to believe what I just heard. Did Komaeda just...make a dirty joke?

“I was just thinking the same thing...” I smiled at the other teen as he swished his pale legs in the water.

“If that is the case...first one in the pool is the piss boy.” Komaeda grinned an evil smile as I felt him shove me hard in the back.

Oh it is on.

I pulled my legs out of the water and jumped up to my feet almost simultaneously with Komaeda. I charged at his waist, hoping to knock the boy down. The boy dodged my attack, leaving me running past him.

“Be careful Hinata, you wouldn’t want to get hurt!” Komaeda called as I turned back in his direction.

“If I do it’ll be your fault!” I called back as I dashed at him once again.

Komaeda went to dodge but I expected it this time. I wrapped my arms tightly around his waist and lifted him into the air, slinging the boy over my shoulder. He screamed and banged his fists against my back.

“Help!! Hinata-kun is trying to murder me!!” He squealed like a little kid.

“Shut up piss boy.” I chuckled to myself as I got ready to throw him into the deep end.

Just as I began to swing Komaeda forward, he stop banging his fists and instead wrapped his arms tightly around my waist.

Huh?

The velocity of me swinging his legs forward threw me off balance and I stumbled forward. I tried to recover but my foot slipped on the edge of the pool and I fell in headfirst with the skinny boy still clinging to my waist.

SPLASH

The arms around my waist released as I swam up to the surface to get a breath. As soon as I felt the cool air on my face I took a deep breath and broke out in laughter.

Komaeda surfaced up right beside me with a big grin on his face. “Piss boy.”

“What? I threw you in!”

“You’re the one who hit the water first through.”

“Only because I probably would have died if I didn’t!”

“Could you guys please shut the fuck up!”

Komaeda and I turned in the direction of the cabins, following the voice that had just interrupted us.

Owari stood on the boardwalk in a wide stance. “Some of us are trying to train!”

“I’m very sorry Owari-san!” Komaeda called out.

“Ya better be!” The Ultimate Gymnast yelled back as she began to walk back to her cabin.

Komaeda cupped a hand over his mouth in shock and turned back to me. “I can’t believe you got us in trouble Hinata-kun!”

“Me?! You’re the one who was screaming!” I hissed.

The boy removed his hand to reveal a childish grin. He was clearly just fucking with me at this point.

“I’ll kill you one of these days.” I muttered as I swam over to the edge of the pool.

“It would be an honour.” Komaeda jeered back as he followed me close behind.

I rested my shoulders against the edge of the pool. The other boy simply settled to tread water in front of me.

“Tell me Hinata, what are you into?”

“What am I into? Well I like kusamochi... and manga?”

“Not like that. What are you in to? Who are you in to?”

Huh? What a weird question for him to pop right now.

“Oh, right... I’m not really sure. I don’t have any experience to go on. ”

“You don’t have any experience? Have you never dated anyone?”

“Oh you’re talking about dating...I’ve dated a girl before.”

“Really? I could totally see you going for a busty girl like Owari.”

“Owari’s kind of odd...sure she has amazing tits but her world is so different from mine.”

“I see. So you are into women?”

“Sure, I guess so.”

“Are you into men as well?”

I pressed my fist to my chin in thought, was I into men? I never really gave my sexuality much thought.

“I’m not really into like...manly men...no wait scratch that...I think I might be into dudes...” I mumbled.

“So you’re bi then?” Komaeda questioned.

‘I honestly think I’m just horny.’ Is the answer I wanted to give, but I don’t know if I’m close enough with Komaeda to talk about sexual habits.

So I settled for a simple “Yeah.”

“Good.” The other smiled.

Good?

I finally noticed that the sun had set long ago and it was really starting to get dark.

“Should we head back? I think I’ve thoroughly tested the binder at this point.

Komaeda nodded and pulled himself up out of the water, resting on the tiling surrounding the pool’s edge. I followed suit and clambered to my feet.

“Say, Hinata-kun...” The boy’s voice was quiet.

Komaeda was staring up at the night sky, I followed his eyes and looked as well.

“Hm?”

“Do you ever get the feeling that this isn’t real?”

I looked back to him. Pool water sparkled at the corner of his eyes, maybe they were tears?

“Way too often.” I whispered.

I offered a hand to Komaeda, which he accepted. He rose to his feet but didn’t let go of my hand.

Huh. This is weird.

“I just cannot believe that all the pain and suffering I’ve been through suddenly ended once I started going to Hope’s Peak. There’s absolutely no way.” The boy mumbled as he stared up at the night sky.

I squeezed his hand reassuringly and sighed. “I can’t believe I’m going to Hope’s Peak. I obviously didn’t win the lottery and no matter what I try I can’t find any semblance of a talent in me.”

“I bet your talent is something amazing, Hinata-kun. No, I’m sure of it.” Komaeda pulled his head back to smile at me.

His words made my chest fill with butterflies. It felt like nobody had ever had faith in me like this before.

“Maybe you finally hit a lucky streak?” I attempted to reassure him as best I could.

“You’re sweet, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda placed a bony hand on my cheek. “But it really doesn’t work like that.”

I could feel his warm breath on my lips. Oh my god he is way too close.

“Want to do the teenage thing and fuck about it?”

“What?” Komaeda's grey eyes widened in shock.

Oh my god that was out loud I actually said that Jesus Christ this is meant to be a solemn moment and I just nuked it with my stupid hormones.

“I-I didn’t mean to say that...I am so so-“ I was promptly cut off by Komaeda planting his lips on mine.

Huh?

What?

My mind began to race as the other boy stroked my cheek with his thumb. I really didn’t expect this...but I did not hate it whatsoever.

I brought my hand up to the back of Komaeda’s head and kissed him back. His lips were so soft, I felt a bit embarrassed about how chapped and dry my own were. The other boy didn’t seem to care though as he sucked at them excitedly.

The kiss was broken when I moaned into his mouth. Komaeda pulled away with a deep blush and stared into my eyes.

“Your cabin or mine?” He breathed

“Yours, there’s sand all over my bed.”

The boy nodded and grabbed my wrist, beginning to drag me along behind him. I followed in close pursuit, my brain screaming at me to stop before I ruined a good thing. Komaeda had put his faith in me and opened up about his feelings so I was going to take advantage of that and fuck him?

We stepped into Komaeda’s cabin together, he promptly shut and locked the door behind us. He stared at me for a few seconds, probably coming to the shock that we were actually going to do this.

“I-I’m so sorry. We don’t actually have to do this...” I rubbed my arm somewhat embarrassed.

“No, I want to. I just...I know absolutely nothing about how to make you feel good.” Komaeda mumbled.

“I don’t know anything about how to make you feel good either.” I forced an awkward smile.

“I guess it’s a first time for both of us then?” Komaeda reciprocated that smile.

This got uncomfortable real fast.

I sighed and dragged Komaeda over to his bed. He obediently sat down in anticipation.

“Lie on your back with your knees bent.” I ordered, a mix of frustration and excitement swirling in my gut.

The boy followed my orders. I sat myself at the end of his legs and wrapped my fingers under the waistband of his shorts.

God they really didn’t hide anything.

The tent Komaeda was pitching was bigger than I expected from him. I slowly pulled his shorts down off his ass.

The boy lifted his hips and straightened his legs in an attempt to help me wiggle his sticky shorts off. His dick sprung free and I managed to pull his shorts all the way off.

Oh my god he had a nice dick.

I must have been staring for a while because Komaeda piped up. “Is there something wrong with it?”

“No, the opposite actually.” I placed my hands on his knees and spread his legs.

Komaeda obeyed and I settled between them, wrapping my fingers carefully around his cock. His skin was cold from the pool but the blood pumping made his dick warm. I heard a quiet gasp escape his lips as I gently stroked down him.

“Hinata-kun, I can tell you’re trying not to hurt me but you’re barely touching it.” Komaeda stated bluntly.

I looked up at his face and felt my own flush red. The teen sat up and placed his own hand over mine, moving my hand to grip tighter and jerk a bit faster.

“Ooh...that’s good.” Komaeda moaned out, letting go of my hand and laying back down.

I felt like I was really starting to get the hang of it. Komaeda’s hips rolled up into my hands occasionally as he moaned in ecstasy.

I wanted to make him feel even better.

I pressed my lips to the tip of his dick, sucking at the precome leaking out of it.

“Ahh, you don’t have to do that.” Komaeda smiled down at me.

I ignored his words and pressed the head of his cock into my mouth. Komaeda’s hips shot up in an involuntary twitch, forcing his cock further into my mouth.

I nearly bit down in surprise, instead opting to steady his hips.

“Hinata-kun I’m so sorry...I’ve never been on the receiving end of something like this before.” Komaeda’s fingers gripped the sheets of his bed tightly as he panted.

I hummed softly in reassurance as I stroked at what I hadn’t fit in my mouth, slowly inching it in. The teen moaned with eyes squeezed shut.

Komaeda’s hips wiggled under my grip. “This feels so much better than I ever imagined it! Ah you really do spark hope in everyone around you!”

I hollowed out my cheeks and dragged my lips up and off his cock, leaving with a pop . “Better than you ever imagined?”

The boy looked down to me and nodded. “I’ve fantasised about this since the day you asked me to hang out with you.”

My cheeks filled with heat immediately. “Seriously?”

“I must admit however after today the fantasy did change slightly.” Komaeda tapped a finger against his chin.

My heart sunk a bit. “In a bad way?”

“No not really. You’d be amazed how little my plans changed.” The boy smiled as he sat himself up slightly.

Plans? Oh god if I pressed any further this would never end. I pressed the Komaeda's cock back into my mouth and squeezed his balls slightly, eliciting a gasp from his mouth.

His hand stroked into my hair, finally a sign I was doing the right thing. Komaeda pushed my head down slightly, encouraging me to take more in.

I swallowed around him, the taste of salty precome and chlorine ever present in my mouth. Komaeda moaned loudly and pushed down even harder on my head.

Too far!!!

I gagged as his dick hit the back of my throat. Komaeda just moaned louder and pulled my head up slightly. His fingers were pulling at my hair at this point, it hurt like a bitch.

But I can't deny that I was really enjoying the rough handling.

I could feel my thighs starting to get sticky with warmth. I was so turned on as the boy shoved my head back onto his dick again. This time I didn’t gag, but did choke as he blocked my airway.

“You don’t seem to be very good at this, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda’s tone had changed. It was deeper than before, dripping with lust.

I slid my tongue across the underside of his cock, making the boy gasp and moan.

“Faster.”

I pulled my head off his cock slightly before taking him back in in a bobbing motion. This seemed to really get him going as he released the tight grip on my hair.

I hollowed my cheeks and kept the movement up. Komaeda moaned over and over again as he bucked his hips up with my movements.

“Ah, Hinata-kun, I think I’m going to cum.”

I had totally accepted my fate that he was going to cum in my mouth. It wasn’t going to taste good, but it was going to make cleanup easier.

Komaeda gripped my hair tightly and pulled my head completely off his dick.

Or maybe not?

He took his cock in his hand and stroked quickly until hot cum splattered onto my face. I was so fucking shell-shocked as I watched him ride out his orgasm, moaning, panting,

and cumming on my face.

Once he had completely milked his dick of all he could he exhaled loudly and smiled wide. His fingers were still tight in my hair as he pulled my face up to kiss him.

He licked the cum off my lips and kissed sloppily. My mouth was so full of saliva I thought I was drowning.

The classic porn-star move really wasn’t that sexy.

This whole first time thing wasn’t all that sexy.

But maybe I’m just too in my own head.

I pressed my tongue into Komaeda’s mouth, licking the bitter cum off his own. He moaned into my mouth as I pushed him back down onto the bed.

It was suffocating and hot. Drool dripped down our chins as we refused to pull apart for anything. I needed this. He needed this.

Komaeda pressed his knee up into my crotch. I ground up against him with a high moan.

The other finally broke the kiss. “I should probably repay the favour.”

“Please.” I breathed hot air against his lips.

Komaeda grabbed me by the hips and switched our positions, placing him on top. Seeing the boy above me made me even more desperate.

“Komaeda...” I panted.

“Yes?”

“Do you mind if I clean up a bit before we do this?”

“Ah, of course.”

The skinny boy moved himself off me and laid down beside. I sat up and shuffled off the bed.

“You really shouldn’t cum on people’s faces.” I muttered as I picked up a shirt from the floor.

Komaeda looked somewhat disappointed. “But you look so handsome with cum on your face.”

I pouted and walked into the bathroom, half shutting the door behind myself. I picked up a hand towel and began to run it under the sink.

Whilst waiting for the towel to get completely wet, I glanced up into the mirror. White fluid sat on my forehead and had been streaked on my nose and cheeks, probably from out aggressive makeout. My hair was ruffled and sticking up every which-way.

I turned off the tap and wiped the hand towel on my face, ridding myself of any trace of Komaeda’s... god even thinking of a word for it was embarrassing.

I slipped the swim binder off over my head and switched it out for the T-shirt I had collected off Komaeda’s floor.

It was a pink T-shirt I had never seen him wearing before. On the front was a cartoon picture of a white rabbit.

Cute…

I removed my board-shorts and left my half-dry boxers on. It felt too brazen to walk out without them.

I stepped out of the bathroom to see the fluffy haired boy waiting patiently on the bed.

“Huh. Why is it you look so much hotter when you’re wearing my clothes?” Komaeda grinned a toothy smile as I laid down next to him.

“Y’know I wondered the same thing earlier today.” It wasn’t quite the same thing but it was a similar thought.

Komaeda stared into my eyes for a moment before nestling his head into my neck and sucking at the skin. I gasped at the sensation and moved closer.

The boy’s hand pulled my shirt up slightly and settled on my tummy. I couldn’t help but giggle at how foreign and sweet the sensation was.

Komaeda peppered kisses up my jaw until he was breathing hot air into my ear, making me shiver.

“I really like you, Hinata Hajime.”

An involuntary moan left my lips upon hearing my given name from him. The hand he had on my tummy had snaked up to my ribs.

“Is there anything you’re uncomfortable with?” Komaeda whispered as he drew circles on my skin. “I figure I should ask before I cum on your face or something.”

I giggled and placed my hand over his, moving it up slightly so that my breast was now resting in his hand. “Touch what you want. Don’t take the shirt off.”

Komaeda nodded and squeezed my boob, the sensation causing me to bury my face in his chest with a huff. The boy squeezed a nipple between two fingers, making me moan quietly.

“You really do have bara titties.” He smiled wide at his words.

“Shut uuuup!” I whined into his skin.

Komaeda let go and trailed his fingers down to my boxers. It was nerve-wracking and exciting all the while.

“You own a lot of underwear with flowers, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda mumbled as he slid his fingers beneath the elastic.

“I like flowers.” I mumbled, somewhat embarrassed.

“Should I mention I jerked off in the ones you gave me?”

“Hey those were my favourite pair!”

“I was just so grateful that Hinata-kun would give me a pair of his underwear.”

“Give? I want them back.”

“Even though I masturbated in them?”

“Yes!”

I puffed out my cheeks in a pout as I looked up at Komaeda. My train of thought was quickly interrupted by fingers pressing themselves against my wet folds.

“Oh my.” Komaeda’s voice was quiet.

That reaction alone was enough to send me spiralling in embarrassment. I planted my face in Komaeda’s shoulder as he let his fingers make their acquaintance with my nether regions.

“I’m going to take off your underwear, is that alright?”

“Yeah.” I squeaked out.

Komaeda sat up and shuffled himself down the bed to the ends of my legs. He hooked bony fingers around the elastic of my boxers and pulled them down and off my ankles.

I bent my knees and spread my legs. The boy gripped my thighs, squeezing them slightly.

“It is normal for your legs to be wet as well?” Komaeda ran his fingers through the juices on my thighs.

“I uh- if I’m really in the mood... I guess so yeah.” I stuttered out. “You’re really hot Nagito.”

The boy between my legs laughed and licked my left thigh. I yelped at the sudden sensation of a tongue so close to my vagina.

Two fingers rubbed carefully around my entrance, making me whine impatiently.

“Hinata-kun. Instead of making erotic noises could you tell me what you’d like me to do?” Komaeda’s voice stern, I felt like I was being scolded by a teacher.

“You can have a go at fingering me if you’d like?” It felt like my face was going to melt with this heat.

Komaeda didn’t hesitate to push two fingers in, coaxing a moan from my throat. He rubbed his fingers up against my walls with little grace.

“It’s so warm inside you...”

“The commentary isn’t necessary! Komaeda!”

The boy curled his fingers hard into one spot that make me moan loudly. My hips arched off the bed as I slid a hand down to massage my clit.

“Oh fuck do that that again please.” I moaned through gritted teeth.

“This?” Komaeda rubbed his fingers against the spot again, applying more pressure than before.

I squealed out as stars sparkled at the edge of my vision. “Oh my God Nagito please make me cum!”

With that sentence Komaeda instantly pulled out his fingers.

I whined in frustration as Komaeda placed his hand over the one that had been rubbing small circles into my clit.

“This feels good too, doesn’t it?” He inquired.

I nodded and he pulled my hand away. Was he trying to starve me of all pleasure? That dick.

And then he replaced my hand with his mouth.

I moaned involuntarily as he licked at my clit unashamedly. The way his lips sucked at it had me grinding my hips up into his mouth within seconds.

“Sh-shit are you sure you’ve never done this before? It feels amazing.” I moaned breathlessly.

Komaeda looked at me with half lidded eyes and suddenly I felt his tongue move downwards, pressing into my hole. I could have died of embarrassment right then and there if it didn’t feel so fucking good. His tongue was so warm as it stoked my walls, making me throw my head back against the pillows in pleasure.

And then he went back to it, that spot that made me feel so good.

The sensation was completely different this time around. I could practically feel the taste buds on his tongue pressing against it. I cried out and began to rub small, slow circles into my clit again.

“Oh my god Nagit-ooh please keep going.” I panted as a pressure began to build in my gut.

Clearly Komaeda got the message because he kept up the pace, I was practically writhing as small moans escaped with each exhale and pant.

“Please babe please I’m so cl-ose!”

I rubbed my clit a bit faster, my circular movements were getting messier by the second. Pants and high-pitched moans got shorter and faster until-

I was absolutely drowned in pleasure.

My vision went white and the world went silent as I grabbed at Komaeda’s hair. I ground my hips into my other hand, rising out my orgasm with the help of the other boy.

The adrenaline wore off and I collapsed against the pillows. I could faintly hear Komaeda laughing as I shut my eyes.

“Oh my, Hinata-kun.”

‘Oh my’ god he loved to say that.

“Oh my what?” My voice was a bit hoarse from all the moaning.

Komaeda was looking up my from between my legs, I hadn’t even noticed him stop tongue-fucking me. His chin glistened with fluids, most likely drool and...me.

He wore the most childish grin on his face. “All your erotic noises have me hard again.”

I sat up and pouted. “I’m not sucking your dick again, you have no self control.”

“Ah, is this about the ‘cumming on the face’ thing?”

“More the ‘aggressive face-fucking’.”

“Are you not meant to do that?”

“I mean, sometimes you are but you really should not if you haven’t agreed to it.”

“Huh. There are many men out there who do not know this fact.”

“Really?”

“I’ve been face-fucked numerous times and nobody ever asked me if they could.”

“Wait wait wait wait wait.” I crawled up to Komaeda on my hands and knees. “I need more context.”

The boy crossed his arms in thought. “I was about 15? It was at a party. Lots of alcohol, lots of older boys.”

I sat eagerly waiting to hear this story. Knowing how all of Komaeda’s stories went, this is going to be a fucked up one that shaped him in some way.

“And I was chatting with a guy, he was about 17. I was really interested in him. We were talking about party tricks. I mentioned that I had no gag reflex and he-“

“YOU WHAT?”

“I don’t have a gag reflex?”

To prove his point, Komaeda shoved two fingers down his throat. I shuddered at the sight, he truly was the ideal gay man.

“God now I’m riled up again. Finish your story.”

Komaeda seemed somewhat pleased. “Well he asked me if I would suck his dick, I said yes. We agreed to meet in the bathroom in 10 minutes time. When I got there, there were 4 other guys as well!”

“Oh god.” I muttered

“So I got face-fucked by 5 guys!”

“Ko that’s awful.”

“I think otherwise. It was one of the best nights of my life.”

I mustn’t have done a very good job at hiding my horror because Komaeda laughed a sickly cackle.

“You’re so gross.” I sighed, flashing him a weak smile.

The boy ceased his laughter. “And you’re everything but gross, Hinata-kun. I’m surprised you let trash like me even touch you.”

“I’d fuck a lot more trash if it was as good as you.” I cradled his chin in my hand and wiped away some of the fluids coating his mouth.

“That’s not very hygienic, Hinata-kun.”

“Shut up.” I planted a kiss firmly onto his lips.

Komaeda gave me a small smile and placed his hands on my hips. “So, I’m still hard. Want to go for round two?”

“Hell yeah.”

[just-another-hhazbin]

i have SO MANY headcanons get ready

first of allll........i heacanon angel has both bpd and hpd (bc so do i 😳). bpd is characterized by feeling isolated, intense emotions that the sufferer struggles to deal with, extreme fear of abandonment, drug/alcohol use, and suicidal ideation. on the other hand hpd is characterized by acting seductively and/or dramatically for attention (positive or negative), high sensitivity to criticism, constantly seeking reassurance and validation, and being excessively self centered.

and i like to think there’s some canon evidence to back me up here bc angel definitely seems to struggle with being seen as weak/not being good enough and reacts harshly when vaggie insults his appearance. i also headcanon angel is hypersexual and thinks the only reason anyone would ever love him is for sex, which is Sad but also a mood

that got long oopsie 😳 okay Anyway i also hc both angel and alastor are afab nonbinary 🥺 angel is genderfluid (goes from male to gender neutral to female uvu) and doesn’t really. care about pronouns but would say he/him if asked. alastor is agender (previously id’d as a trans guy) and their pronouns are he/they/it.

bonus hc: alastor has not otherwise specified psychotic disorder, basically in the form of auditory hallucinations (voices laughing and telling him to do things) with no other features. [as u can tell i’m projecting but Anyway]. al also has pretty graphic intrusive thoughts. one of the reasons he hates being close with people is because he’s afraid he’ll hurt them and end up being all alone again.

I need ALL the headcanons. 👀 They are my sole sustenance besides caffeine and chicken afjashdjfhasjkfs. 

Also, because I will repeat this on each and every single ask that discusses neurodivergent headcanons because I know some of y’all will yap about it if I don’t - we are firmly ignoring the implications of any character being canonly neurodivergent and what kind of rep that might provide while acknowledging that being neurodivergent has nothing to do with what makes a person “good” or “bad.” We also do not invalidate any neurodivergency in this house. Cool? Cool. Onwards!

The projection mood... 📓✍️  I can definitely see Angel with both/either of those disorders. He definitely shows signs of both from the glimpses we see in both the pilot and addict, though obligatory disclaimer that his environment between the drugs and Valentino definitely isn’t helping, him seeking out the risks and rush and attention, etc from those industries would be in line with either or both of those... I need more notes emojis asfhkjashf. But yes, I definitely see Angel exhibiting behavior in canon that would line up with those headcanons.  

I can also definitely see and understand hypersexual!Angel Dust, though I am somewhat guilty of harboring a love for ace!Angel Dust as well. Do I think hypersexual is much more likely canon-wise than ace? Yup. Do I love it anyway... yes I do.  I also agree with him seeing himself as unlovable and wanted only for sex - the implied abuse of Henroin would have damaged his self-esteem enough, nevermind some - 70? - years of working under Valentino, he of the abusive behavior and possible/probable gaslighting, along with whatever Anthony was doing in his life topside.

We know my nonbinary ass loves some nonbinary headcanons. Genderqueer Alastor and Angel Dust... are so important to meeee... (wipes a tear from my eye dramatically).  I tend to put Angel Dust somewhere between trans and genderqueer more than genderfluid, just someone who’s fully comfortable with himself/themself and knows he looks rocking no matter how he presents himself. But I can also see him as genderfluid! 🤔 Hell, I’m agender and I still have days where I poke myself and feel one gender more than another. The nonbinary mood...

Agender Alastor is something I love with all my agender heart, absolutely yes. (Nobody talk to me, I’m projecting.)  I know we’ve talked about agender al on here before but damnit we’re talking about them again. I think Alastor just does whatever the fuck Alastor wants, and when asked about a gender, it isn’t “boy” or “girl” or etc., it’s just... Alastor. They’re just themself. I do tend to have my agender Alastor use he/him pronouns more than they/them, just because he’s grown comfortable with them and is a bit stuck in the 1930s, but he’s also comfortable with they/them. It/Its are incredibly valid pronouns, but Experiences have led to them not being my personal preference.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  (And I stress the personal there. And then point to me projecting ajfdhskdhfas.)

[We all project a bit, it’s valid.] I’ve never really thought much about the possibility of him hearing voices, but with his impulsive behavior and mood swings from topside I wouldn’t necessarily be surprised, and I especially wouldn’t be surprised given his afterlife connection to the Loa and, ya know, the whole “Radio” thing.

I definitely headcanon Alastor as someone who is very impulsive and does have intrusive thoughts that he’s sometimes more than happy to carry out (ie on strangers) but is less than pleased with when they involve himself or those he cares about. He has no real desire to see his people hurt, but he’ll still catch himself thinking about it, maybe the shadows darkening a bit, his hands straying... and then he’ll catch himself and make up an excuse to hurriedly leave and collect himself elsewhere or go on a killing spree as an (invalid) coping method.  I also agree that I definitely think Alastor fears loneliness and silence, and maybe I’ve just read Jadeile’s “Afterlife” too many times, but you cannot convince me that Alastor isn’t a touch-starved extrovert. He was a charming and popular radio host in life, he probably had all the attention he could’ve wanted and then some. That’s probably how he made a few of his kills, even. But in Hell where every other street his plastered with signs warning people to run from him? Yeah. Also, he’s just incredibly clingy and manhandling through the pilot, and I think part of that is because he’s finally around people who won’t just run screaming if he so much as speaks to them (unlike pretty much everyone else, as seen in the comic).

Okay, I went off on a couple tangents there, but. Yes. I’m done now sadkjfh.

[sophygurl]

WisCon 43 panel Favorite Queer Depictions In Fiction write-up:

Whether it's a coming-of-age coming out story, a love story about queer characters, a drama or comedy centering the lives of a queer found family, or any old story that just includes a queer character or three without making a big thing about it—we all have out favorite queer stories. Whether it's books, TV shows, movies, video games, or something else, this is the panel to share the ones we love, and why we love them!

Moderator: Kate JohnsTon. Panelists:  Cat Meier, Charles Payseur, Sarah Waites, Alberto Yáñez

Disclaimers: These are only the notes I was personally able to jot down on paper during the panel. I absolutely did not get everything, and may even have some things wrong. Corrections by panelists or other audience members always welcome. I name the mod and panelists because they are publicly listed, but will remove names if asked. I do not name audience members unless specifically asked by them to be named. If I mix up a pronoun or name spelling or anything else, please tell me and I’ll fix it!

Notes:

I missed some of the panelist intro info, but Alberto identified himself as “queer AF” and Cat added “yes, I am also very queer.”

Kate asked the panelists to discuss what brought them to queer fiction, citing Mercedes Lackey as her intro point. She added “we existed and didn’t die in the first book.”

Sarah brought up Privilege of the Sword by Ellen Kushner. When she read it, she wasn’t consciously queer yet. Once she realized that she was, she began to read a lot more.

Alberto also mentioned Lackey, specifically Magic’s Pawn. He had gotten it as a library book and found someone had written in the front of it “this book is about f**gs” and he thought “well, alright then!” He also talked about the short story Things With Beards, a re-telling of The Thing through the lens of HIV/AIDS. 

Cat mentioned Henry Fitzroy as her first queer character love. [ I didn’t catch the specific work/author but it involved the bastard son of Henry the 8th as a bisexual vampire - a quick search shows me this is probably Tanya Huff’s Blood and Smoke novels?]

Kate brought up that queer characters often don’t get a family and asked the panelists about queer characters that either have found families or that remained in their families of origin. 

Cat talked about the novella Sing for the Coming of the Longest Night by Katherine Fabian and Iona Datt Sharma.

Alberto said that, as a Latino writer, he writes a lot about family “because some stereotypes are true.” 

Sarah mentioned that Becky Chambers writes about found family quite a bit. Another example was a world where homophobia doesn’t exist in a Beauty and the Beast re-telling - In the Vanisher’s Palace. 

Charles mentioned the found family in Jacqueline Koyanagi’s Ascension [also a fave of mine!], as well as Geometries of Belonging by Rose Lemberg. He also talked about Ursula Le Guin’s The Dispossessed as a story that imagines different ways of thinking about family and queerness, as well as Pan-Humanism: Hope and Pragmatics by Jess Barber and Sara Saab about decoupling possessiveness in relationships. 

Charles also said that he has written both kinds of stories - found family and family of origin, specifically mentioning a found family in his short story Undercurrents.

Kate talked about how the 60′s SF genre was a lot of men going into space without any women, but it was still supposed to be read as cishet. Now we’re at a point where we actually can send women without men into space and it tends to be read as queer. 

She also asked about stories where it’s not just the same nuclear family and/or gender binary but just with same-sex couples slotted in.

Alberto mentioned Nicola Griffith’s Ammonite, which is about a whole world that is female in many different expressions without having to label them all. 

Cat talked about being both queer and poly and feeling very seen by Sing for the Coming of the Longest Night more than any other book. Having an example of a poly community where all relationships are equally as important as one another. 

Sarah brought up The Stars Are Legion by Kameron Hurley where the male/female nuclear family structure is just not possible. 

Charles again brought up Ascension as an example of family structures on space ships. Also Hurricane Heels by Isabel Yap, which has a magical girls trope - heavy on friendship but the importance of friendship is highlighted and some, but not all, in the friend group are queer. 

Kate talked about James Tiptree’s Houston Houston Do You Read and some of Melissa Scott’s work.

Cat added that Melissa Scott has a wide variety of books with queer relationships in them showing a range of queer experiences. The newest - Finders - has queer poly. 

Sarah talked about some of Scott’s fantasy series and the structure of the culture being that male/female relationships were for procreation but the expectation is that love is between same genders. [I didn’t catch the title of these books/the series]

Kate brought up bisexuality in fiction. She first noticed the lack of bisexual representation when she started dating a bi woman. 

Charles said “all I write is bisexual - even if it’s not explicit.” Since it’s generally assumed for people to be either gay or straight if it’s not mentioned, he likes to write worlds where it’s assumed for the characters to be bi. 

Charles also talked about bi rep in Rose Lemberg’s work - Birdverse, Splendid Goat Adventure, and A Portrait of the Desert in Personages of Power. 

Alberto said he wants more queer characters where the drama isn’t about their queerness. In real life, acceptance can take awhile but he’s been there for a long time now and for reading and writing - he’d like for the drama to be focused elsewhere. 

Cat talked about not knowing that bisexuality existed at 13 when she discovered Henry Fitzroy.

Kate talked about the importance of bi representation in creating understanding for others. “I’m a skier. I ski in the winter. It’s summer. I’m still a skier.” 

Kate brought up Sarah Gailey’s River of Teeth. Also Tanya Huff’s work [missed the title] about omnisexual aliens who would screw a hole in a donut and everyone’s happy about it! Also for YA/teen reading - Foz Meadows. 

Alberto mentioned Six of Crows and it’s sequel by Leigh Bardugo as having bisexuality and found family in it. [Gosh I need to get on to reading this series]

Cat brought up Peter Darling - a trans re-telling of Peter Pan with a Pan/Hook romance. [!!] Also The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue as well as The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee. The former has an ace character.

Sarah also rec’d the Guide to Petticoats and Piracy book. She is ace and the character in the book is ace and aro - society wants her to be one thing and she isn’t. Also the character gets called out on the “not like other girls” thing. 

Sarah also mentioned Chameleon Moon, which has a F/F/F triad, as well as an ace man with anxiety. Sarah wants more ace characters who are not sociopaths or robots.

Kate brought up the TV show Lucifer which is “really really really bisexual” [lol]. Kate also likes that the show doesn’t explain how Lucifer, who is white, has a black brother and an Asian sister.

Someone [I only wrote “C”, so either Cat or Charles? unless that meant continued and was Kate?] talked about Tanya Huff’s work having so many queer families with a variety of experiences.

Charles said there are a lot of examples that are just sad and messy.

Kate talked about lots of queer and black fiction is depressing because - “have you looked at our lives?” She added that we need more positive examples of queer characters. 

Alberto brought up Lara Elena Donnelly’s three books - Amberlough, Armistice, and Amnesty - which are about surviving fascism and rebellion. There’s crime, adventures, spies, etc. This is a strong recommendation.

Sarah added on to that by saying that this example of a dystopia is not about the queerness. Also talked about the Machineries of Empire series by Yoon Ha Lee [oh look! one of next year’s GoH’s!], which has no homophobia and almost all of the characters are queer. It also subverts the sociopathic ace trope - other characters think he is and he encourages that belief, but isn’t.

Charles mentioned a short story in Glittership Year Two [missed what it was], as well as The Root by Na'amen Gobert Tilahun which he said has a good depiction of queer families.

Kate posed the question of what there should be more queer characters in. She said video games and TV shows and that both should also be less male gaze-y.

Charles agreed with video games and said whether it’s a relationship game or not. He wants more background characters to be queer. He doesn’t want to have to headcanon it.

Sarah said “besides everything?” Big SFF movies, like the MCU - and that they should stop making such a big deal about adding super small scenes with queer characters. 

Alberto said more TV - especially for stuff aimed at kids and their parents. A good example of this is She-Ra.

Kate said it should be written in the stories - not retconned like Rowling does or killing them off right away. More 3D queer characters. She added that, especially having been out for most of her life, the struggling with queerness/coming out stories are getting old for her.

Cat mentioned movies that are adaptations that have queer characters in the source material, such as the MCU - there are lots of queer characters in the comics but they don’t make it to the TV shows or movies. 

Kate added that Deadpool keeps his pansexuality in the movies. Kate also wants more queer poc characters who are okay with who they are not evil aliens. This is a problem for white cishet Hollywood. 

Charles talked about the issues still affecting us from the Hays Code era legacy. Queer characters are always sad and end up dead - this was once enforced but has now just trickled down. 

Charles also said he enjoys cozy mysteries but the queer characters always die. There was one that he liked that was turned into a TV series and they finally had a queer character - the actor was leaving and the series could have given them a happily ever after but killed them off instead.

Sarah talked about the importance of diversity behind the scenes. It’s easier to get representation in a book because there is less gatekeeping, fewer hands in the pot. When everyone in the writer’s room of a show or movie are straight, it makes it harder.

Cat [I think? just wrote “C” again] mentioned The Wicked and the Divine - gods are reborn into people every 12 years - they’re all queer. [This was rec’d often this con - deffo need to read]

The audience got to throw out recs next. The ones I got down are: [I can’t find this in a search but it was something like Kaitlyn Sterling - Luminent... something? if anyone knows please chime in], Lifelode by Jo Walton, Ethan of Athos by Lois McMaster Bujold about a planet of men, A Door into Ocean by Joan Slonczewski about a world of women, A Big Ship at the End of the Universe by Alex White, The Light Brigade by Kameron Hurley, “everything by Seanan McGuire” [agreed!!], and then apparently Magic: The Gathering has recently been doing some exploring of genderless species and also a trans warrior woman character. 

The audience were still tossing out recs when I left, so I did not get them all, nor any possible closing remarks by the panelists.  

[moffkyng]

I'm Coming Home, Ace - Part 2: The Tower

In some ways, he missed the old tower.  It was always getting traffic as guardians came to and fro, occasionally they'd chase a soccer ball into the vanguard planning room, infuriating Zavala to no avail while Cayde and Ikora laughed at his expense.  Every now and then the guardians would accidentally kick the soccer ball into the back of Ikora's head, making Cayde chuckle beneath his breath.  The guardians would stop moving, as if they'd been his with some kind of spell, and just pray that Ikora didn't think it was them.  She would turn around, preparing some kind of chastising remark in her head, before sighing and kicking the ball back to them.

"Please, no more soccer in the hall of the Vanguard," she would ask, doing her best to hide her irritability.  

That never happened now, though.  This new section of the tower that they called home had it's own soccer field out near the hangars, which was, ironically, where he was.  It was why he thought of the old tower so often, he assumed.  Every now and then when Holliday had some time off between fixing every goddamned ship that a Guardian managed to break, she'd even join the guardians playing soccer for a few minutes.  It was still an odd feeling to him, however, not having a hall of the vanguard where he and his fireteam could talk about everything in person.  Now, Zavala was always on that fancy big balcony looking out at the city and the wall beyond it, and Ikora was off on the complete other side of the tower near the noodle shop.  He'd share his lunch with Ikora there, every now and then, but he'd always preferred to keep to himself.

He had a small "tent", as he liked to call it, a few feet away from Amanda's workspace.  At least he'd have a conversation if he wanted it, but after the Red War he was so caught up with his work that he hardly ever had time to enjoy himself.  Even a whole damned year later, they still didn't have an estimated body count, and there were still some rogue groups of Cabal hiding out in the city's outskirts.

Every day he'd run down the checklist on his datatablet.  He kept files on all of the complaints received that had to do with the guardians or with a threat to the last city, he also kept dozens upon dozens of coordinates for his hidden stashes throughout the system.  Hell, he even had one or two on the Dreadnaught, still, even though the Dreadnaught was now lying dormant and dead in Saturn's orbit.  He wondered briefly if Oryx's corpse was still floating through deep space or if it had rotted away by now.  Do corpses even rot away in the vast coldness of space...?

He shuddered, shaking the dark thought out of his head.  He hoped he'd never have to see Oryx again, dead or alive.  Some guardians came through in a large crowd, clearly they'd just finished running some pain in the ass mission Zavala had sent their way.  Their armor looked pretty banged up, and one of them walked with a limp.  They walked solemnly through the empty soccer field and up the metallic staircase towards Zavala to receive their payment.

To his surprise, he saw a familiar ship pull into the hangar. a ship painted black and a shining metallic purple, with highlights of gold.

"Hmm," he chuckled to himself, "wonder how long it's been since he last spoke to his fireteam.  Or how long it's been since he's showered.  Ugh."

As he finished cringing in disgust at the thought, Alex trans-matted in beside the further-most goal of the field.  He unclasped his helmet, causing it to hiss sharply as the air vacuum undid itself.  He pulled the helmet off, breathing in his first breath of fresh air in what was definitely a good while as he did so.  After his ghost made his helmet vanish into thin air, he made his way towards Amanda, scratching at his beard with a gloved hand.

"Don't tell me that left thruster gave out again, Alex." Amanda sighed and stepped away from the sparrow she was trying to rewire to turn and look at him happily.

"I won't tell you," he smiled back at her, "but i'd definitely take a look at it and see for yourself."

They chuckled and hugged each other before Amanda's face welted up in disgust, she took a few steps back.  "Ugh," she muttered, "where the hell were you that made your armor reek so damned bad?"

"Sorry," Alex chuckled, looking down at his blood, dirt, grime soaked armor, "I... ended up crash landing in the waters of Titan, and then ended up in the heart of a hive tunnel network somehow, and then... Well... You know how it goes.  The usual guardian stuff."

"Could've saved yourself the trouble if you'd bring your damned fireteam with you every now and then."

"What can I say," he shrugged, "I like the quiet.

Cayde turned his attention back to his data-tablet as the two of them chatted away.  She began asking Alex a million questions about this and that and the other thing about his ship, he answered to the best of his abilities, but it was clear he was no technician.  As they chattered away, another titan walked up towards Cayde holding a leather satchel.

"Hey, uh, Cayde?"  The titan asked, Cayde held up a finger in silence as he continued reading a recent report on his datapad.

"Just a sec, guardian, I've got to answer this."  He looked down at the report that had been sent to him on a private, and definitely secure, channel.  The text was eliksni, which Cayde wasn't determined enough to learn how to read, but he recognized the symbol at the bottom.

"Hey, Sundance?" He inquired of his ghost, who appeared instantaneously. "I need you to translate this for me, would you mind?" 

Sundance... Nodded?   Bounced?  He wasn't sure, and he placed the tablet down on his table for her to scan before turning his attention to the guardian in front of him.

"Yeah Guardian, what's up?"  He asked, watching as the titan unbuttoned the satchel.

"I found this in the EDZ, it had an Ace of Spades on it, I assumed it was yours?"  The guardian holds up a handful of worn out yellow papers, Cayde immediately recognizes his own handwriting.

"Yeah, I recognize my handwriting.  Been wondering where these went."  He took the papers, secretly not remembering what they were about or what was written on it. "Did, uh, you go through these?"

The titan shook their head, "Figured it was either private or personal, sir."

"Awesome, good man.  Give me another few seconds and I'll send you some glimmer from my-"

"Um... Cayde?"  His ghost interrupted.  He turned around to face her, "We... You... I... Well... Just look."

Cayde picked up the tablet, reading the text that his ghost had so accurately translated for him.  It was from Petra, at the Vestian Outpost.

"Huh... That's... Odd.. We haven't spoken in a while, wonder what she wants..."  He scrolled, reading it swiftly yet not skipping over anything.  After he was done, he stared at the tablet for what felt like a few more minutes but in actuality was only a few short seconds.  He turned and looked at the guardian expecting his glimmer.

"Guardian, I'll-  I'll pay you back later, I promise you that.  Something's come up.  Excuse me."  Without any hesitation, he put the tablet back down on his desk beside Colonel, who was pecking at a small tray full of seed, and made his way towards Alex and Amanda.

"Sorry to interrupt, you two,"  He states apologetically while looking at Amanda, and then he turns towards Alex, "How soon can you and your fireteam be combat prepped and back onboard your ships?"

"Sir, we can be ready to go in less than fifteen minutes, but-"

"Good," Cayde-6 interrupted, turning and looking at Amanda, "Are my ship's repairs done?"

"The paint hasn't been re-layered yet, but-"

"If it can fly, that's all I need, I'll bring it back to you for painting later."

"If you don't wreck it first," Amanda retorts playfully.

"C'mon Amanda," he smiles at her, waving his arms in a jestful manner, "you know me better than that."

Alex and Amanda shared a glance before both looking at him blankly.

"Okay. Fair point. You know me better than that." He shrugs, turning to look back at Alex, "I need your fireteam ready to go ASAP, I take it you guys know how to get to the Vestian Outpost in the Reef? You've been there before."

Alex nods, not bothering to speak and get interrupted again.

"Good," Cayde replies, heading back towards his tent to grab his travel gear, "I'll see you there within the hour, Guardian."

[immawritethat]

Queer Picnic

Hello friends! This is another Friday Night Fights story, based off of @promptsforthestrugglingauthor prompt #494! I’m using a cast of characters from novel series I’ve since turned into a TV show, Spectrum, so please enjoy!

@writerofwriting @ken-kenwrites @fantastiskandie @the-authors-world

           Stuffing nine young adults between the ages eighteen and twenty-six into one room to research for days on end was never led to too much good. Especially when each of those young adults had superpowers, which led to sometimes left them with anywhere between ten and fifteen young adults, depending on how much work Drew had allotted for herself. As the oldest and the leader, she consistently bit off more than she could chew so she could allow her teammates some reprieve. While the rest took breaks for meals and stretching and prayer, Drew worked herself near to death. If the others weren’t present, there was no doubt she wouldn’t even get up to urinate, and that she’d simply keep a bottle at her feet.

           Of course, sometimes, someone needed to allow her some reprieve from the workload. Nairi looked up from her prayer mat, frowning as the group typed and scrolled away, reading various levels of exhaustion. It was worse than finals week had been her first semester, when she had assumed she could manage to put together a full corset-style gown in less than forty eight hours. She’d all but burned herself out before she could address the rest of her exams and projects.

           “A picnic,” she said suddenly, breaking the silence. Eight heads snapped up at once, giving her their full attention—it wasn’t uncommon for Nairi to say something without fully explaining, as she sorted through a few languages in her head.

           “What?” Dante asked, pushing himself from the desk.

           “We should all go on a picnic!” Nairi repeated emphatically. “You know, like, a checkered blanket, woven-basket sort of ordeal. A cute little Americana thing! We could all use a bit of fresh air, I believe.”

           “Yeah, seven gays and their two token straight friends by the lake with a giant basket. What could go wrong? Especially to the pan guy in the wheelchair?” Eddy snorted dismissively. “I’ll go, I guess, but if anyone pushes me within five feet of the shore I will open a portal underneath you straight to a set of train tracks.”

           “Lovely.” Dante pressed his lips together. “Also, did you have to phrase it that way? Besides, Drew is straight, too.”

           “Drew’s trans, and she can speak for herself, thank you,” she chimed in, still typing away. “Some gay people kind of just use it as an overall blanket statement meaning all LGBTQ+ identifying people. Also, I’m still kind of unsure if I’m straight. It’s a big ol’ queer question mark. Not that that’s relevant.”

           “It’s okay, baby, you can be an honorary gay ‘cuz you’re dating me,” Tess smiled, planting a kiss on his cheek, leaving a pale pink stain glaringly obvious against his dark skin.

           “I suppose being the ninth, straight wheel is fine then,” Vanessa balanced her head in her chin. “Keira, what do you think? You’re being uncharacteristically quiet over there. You’ve usually got just about everything to say on something like this.”

           “On something like what?” Keira narrowed her eyes, uncertain if she should argue it or not.

           “I dunno. Gay shit or group decisions.”

           “Fair.” She took a moment before closing her laptop. “I think we should go. But we’ll put it up to a vote like usual.”

           “All in favor?” Drew asked with a sigh, knowing she was going to be outvoted. Everyone but herself and Eduardo raised their hands.

           “Then no point in voting against.” Aspen chimed, their grin as bright as the sun. “I’ll start making the veggie snacks! Who wants to help with the other food?”

           “I’m right behind you,” Dante all but slammed his laptop closed.

           “Don’t forget something halal, please!” Nairi called after the two.

           “And kosher!” Zeke added.

           Drew sat back in her chair with a sigh before minimizing the browser on her desktop. She stared at Nairi, shaking her head. Nairi’s spine stiffened, worried she had done something wrong. She opened her mouth to preemptively apologize, but Drew spoke first.

           “I’ve heard of a gay brunch before, but I’ll admit, a queer picnic is new. Is it an ace thing?” She asked with a wry smile. Nairi returned her grin, looking forward to an afternoon of leisure with her newfound closest friends.

[the-seas-song]

Tolkien Gen Week Day 5

DAY FIVE: diversity How does diversity affect Tolkien’s characters and your interpretations of them? Does a disability or orientation affect relationships with other characters? Have you lost sleep thinking about hobbit race relations? This is the day to consider all the other factors that go into a character’s life.

Work has been insane lately, so unfortunately I wasn't able to write everything I wanted to for this amazing week, but I really wanted to make sure I got this one done.

This is mainly a thank you post. First, I want to give a big thank you to @starlightwalking for creating and running this week. A lot of time must have gone into it, and I've had a great time.

I love all forms of love, and one of my favorite things about Tolkien's works is that he highlights a large variety of emotionally intimate platonic relationships. Thank you Tolkien. And also thank you to everyone who worked on the films, for not only portraying those in the texts, but actually adding and expanding the amount of deep platonic relationships.

As someone who is gray aro/ace, another one of my favorite things about Tolkien's works is the diversity in racial sexualities.

Elves only fall in love once in their life (technically it is possible for them to fall in love a second time, but we are only given two cases in all of Tolkien’s works, and both times there was a greater power at work). The foundation of elven-kind is memory and emotion. Their souls control their bodies. Elvish memories remain crystal clear, no matter how many decades or centuries pass. They never fade, even the slightest bit. Connected to memory is emotion. Elves feel things in a clearer way. They are ruled by emotion. They can literally just lie down and kill themselves with their mind, if they wish. Also, because of this clarity, they know from the beginning if they are feeling romantic-love or friendship-love for someone. There is nothing more important to an elf than their relationships, of any kind. Their anti-possessiveness goes so far that they will not even say 'I have two children’.

Tolkien says in LACE that almost all elves marry, and marry young. However, the entire legendarium contradicts that. Over half the elves we meet very marry/are never said to be married, and almost all of those that do marry do so well into their centuries and millenniums. Feanor and Nerdanel are literally the only elven couple that we are told married young.

Also, who could ever forget the tragedy of Beleg's death? “Thus ended Beleg Strongbow, truest of friends, greatest in skill of all that harboured in the woods of Beleriand in the Elder Days, at the hand of him whom he most loved; and that grief was graven on the face of Túrin and never faded.” - The Silmarillion

We are also given a tantalizing hint of one deep female friendship: “Fingolfin’s wife Anaire refused to leave Aman, largely because of her friendship with Earwen wife of Arafinwe (though she was a Noldo and not one of the Teleri). But all her children went with their father.” - The Shibboleth of Feanor

Another thing I rarely see people mention is Tolkien explicitly separating sex and gender:

According to the Eldar, the only 'character' of any person that was not subject to change was the difference of sex. For this they held to belong not only to the body but also to the mind equally: that is, to the person as a whole. [cut] Those who returned from Mandos, therefore, after the death of their first body, returned always to the same name and to the same sex as formerly.

[cut]

For the [souls] of the Elves are of their nature male and female, and not their [bodies] only. - LACE

Because their souls control their bodies, there are no trans elves. However, the fact that Tolkien took pains to explicitly say this for elves, throws the door wide open for all of the other races!

We're also told that about two thirds of dwarves are naturally aromantic, and those who aren’t only fall in love once. So, another gray aro/ace race!

There are so many amazing fanworks out there that diversify Tolkien's works even more.

Throughout my years of being a fan I've met a fair amount of purists, and there's nothing wrong with being a purist. Most of them are lovely people. I am, however, a firm believer in Roland Barthes's The Death of the Author (found here) theory. The great thing is Tolkien was too:

The Lord of the Rings has been read by many people since it finally appeared in print; and I should like to say something here with reference to the many opinions or guesses that I have received or have read concerning the motives and meaning of the tale. The prime motive was the desire of a tale-teller to try his hand at a really long story that would hold the attention of readers, amuse them, delight them, and at times maybe excite them or deeply move them. As a guide I had only my own feelings for what is appealing or moving, and for many the guide was inevitably often at fault. Some who have read the book, or at any rate have reviewed it, have found it boring, absurd, or contemptible; and I have no cause to complain, since I have similar opinions of their works, or of the kinds of writing that they evidently prefer. But even from the points of view of many who have enjoyed my story there is much that fails to please. It is perhaps not possible in a long tale to please everybody at all points, nor to displease everybody at the same points; for I find from the letters that I have received that the passages or chapters that are to some a blemish are all by others specially approved. The most critical reader of all, myself, now finds many defects, minor and major, but being fortunately under no obligation either to review the book or to write it again, he will pass over these in silence, except one that has been noted by others: the book is too short.

As for any inner meaning or 'message', it has in the intention of the author none. It is neither allegorical nor topical. As the story grew it put down roots (into the past) and threw out unexpected branches: but its main theme was settled from the outset by the inevitable choice of the Ring as the link between it and The Hobbit.

[cut]

Other arrangements could be devised according to the tastes or views of those who like allegory or topical reference. But I cordially dislike allegory in all its manifestations, and always have done so since I grew old and wary enough to detect its presence. I much prefer history, true or feigned, with its varied applicability to the thought and experience of readers. I think that many confuse 'applicability' with 'allegory'; but the one resides in the freedom of the reader, and the other in the purposed domination of the author.

An author cannot of course remain wholly unaffected by his experience, but the ways in which a story-germ uses the soil of experience are extremely complex, and attempts to define the process are at best guesses from evidence that is inadequate and ambiguous. It is also false, though naturally attractive, when the lives of an author and critic have overlapped, to suppose that the movements of thought or the events of times common to both were necessarily the most powerful influences. One has indeed personally to come under the shadow of war to feel fully its oppression; but as the years go by it seems now often forgotten that to be caught in youth by 1914 was no less hideous an experience than to be involved in 1939 and the following years. By 1918 all but one of my close friends were dead. Or to take a less grievous matter: it has been supposed by some that 'The Scouring of the Shire' reflects the situation in England at the time when I was finishing my tale. It does not. It is an essential part of the plot, foreseen from the outset, though in the event modified by the character of Saruman as developed in the story without, need I say, any allegorical significance or contemporary political reference whatsoever. It has indeed some basis in experience, though slender (for the economic situation was entirely different), and much further back. The country in which I lived in childhood was being shabbily destroyed before I was ten, in days when motor-cars were rare objects (I had never seen one) and men were still building suburban railways. Recently I saw in a paper a picture of the last decrepitude of the once thriving corn-mill beside its pool that long ago seemed to me so important. I never liked the looks of the Young miller, but his father, the Old miller, had a black beard, and he was not named Sandyman. - LotR Foreward

And:

The Lord of the Rings as a story was finished so long ago now that I can take a largely impersonal view of it, and find 'interpretations' quite amusing; even those that I might make myself, which are mostly post scriptum: I had very little particular, conscious, intellectual, intention in mind at any point.* Except for a few deliberately disparaging reviews – such as that of Vol. II in the New Statesman,3 in which you and I were both scourged with such terms as 'pubescent' and 'infantilism' – what appreciative readers have got out of the work or seen in it has seemed fair enough, even when I do not agree with it. Always excepting, of course, any 'interpretations' in the mode of simple allegory: that is, the particular and topical. In a larger sense, it is I suppose impossible to write any 'story' that is not allegorical in proportion as it 'comes to life'; since each of us is an allegory, embodying in a particular tale and clothed in the garments of time and place, universal truth and everlasting life. Anyway most people that have enjoyed The Lord of the Rings have been affected primarily by it as an exciting story; and that is how it was written. Though one does not, of course, escape from the question 'what is it about?' by that back door. That would be like answering an aesthetic question by talking of a point of technique. I suppose that if one makes a good choice in what is 'good narrative' (or 'good theatre') at a given point, it will also be found to be the case that the event described will be the most 'significant'.

* Take the Ents, for instance. I did not consciously invent them at all. The chapter called 'Treebeard', from Treebeard's first remark on p. 66, was written off more or less as it stands, with an effect on my self (except for labour pains) almost like reading some one else's work. And I like Ents now because they do not seem to have anything to do with me. I daresay something had been going on in the 'unconscious' for some time, and that accounts for my feeling throughout, especially when stuck, that I was not inventing but reporting (imperfectly) and had at times to wait till 'what really happened' came through. But looking back analytically I should say that Ents are composed of philology, literature, and life.

[cut]

That of course does not mean that the main idea of the story was a war-product. That was arrived at in one of the earliest chapters still surviving (Book I, 2). It is really given, and present in germ, from the beginning, though I had no conscious notion of what the Necromancer stood for (except ever-recurrent evil) in The Hobbit, nor of his connexion with the Ring. But if you wanted to go on from the end of The Hobbit I think the ring would be your inevitable choice as the link. If then you wanted a large tale, the Ring would at once acquire a capital letter; and the Dark Lord would immediately appear. As he did, unasked, on the hearth at Bag End as soon as I came to that point. So the essential Quest started at once. But I met a lot of things on the way that astonished me. Tom Bombadil I knew already; but I had never been to Bree. Strider sitting in the comer at the inn was a shock, and I had no more idea who he was than had Frodo. The Mines of Moria had been a mere name; and of Lothlórien no word had reached my mortal ears till I came there. Far away I knew there were the Horse-lords on the confines of an ancient Kingdom of Men, but Fangorn Forest was an unforeseen adventure. I had never heard of the House of Eorl nor of the Stewards of Gondor. Most disquieting of all, Saruman had never been revealed to me, and I was as mystified as Frodo at Gandalf's failure to appear on September 22.1 knew nothing of the Palantíri, though the moment the Orthanc-stone was cast from the window, I recognized it, and knew the meaning of the 'rhyme of lore' that had been running in my mind: seven stars and seven stones and one white tree. These rhymes and names will crop up; but they do not always explain themselves. I have yet to discover anything about the cats of Queen Berúthiel.8 But I did know more or less all about Gollum and his pan, and Sam, and I knew that the way was guarded by a Spider. And if that has anything to do with my being stung by a tarantula when a small child,9 people are welcome to the notion (supposing the improbable, that any one is interested). I can only say that I remember nothing about it, should not know it if I had not been told; and I do not dislike spiders particularly, and have no urge to kill them. I usually rescue those whom I find in the bath! - Letter 163

Tolkien's loathing of allegory is well known. However, most don't talk about the fact that his fundamental reason for loathing it is because it enforces the domination of the author over the freedom of the reader - “I think that many confuse 'applicability' with 'allegory'; but the one resides in the freedom of the reader, and the other in the purposed domination of the author.”

So, as we continue to love these works and create our own, let's never forget that Tolkien himself believed in our agency.

P.S. I have to share this quote from Letter 66. It's too funny!

A new character has come on the scene (I am sure I did not invent him, I did not even want him, though I like him, but there he came walking into the woods of Ithilien): Faramir, the brother of Boromir – and he is holding up the 'catastrophe' by a lot of stuff about the history of Gondor and Rohan (with some very sound reflections no doubt on martial glory and true glory): but if he goes on much more a lot of him will have to be removed to the appendices — where already some fascinating material on the hobbit Tobacco industry and the Languages of the West have gone.

[fandomshatelgbtqpeople]

Was going to just continue in the notes of the Kase-san post, but I figured I'd make it some asks instead since more people will notice. Just wanted to recommend some manga and anime with queer characters and themes that isn't specifically about being queer, since that's mostly what I see recommended and, if you're like me, you kind of want some casual representation in addition to all of that since it's fun to be a protagonist in things besides adult realistic fiction exclusively. (1/11)

JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure has such a massive queer fanbase that it deserves to be mentioned even if some of the canonocity is debatable or vague, though it’s generally accepted there’s few characters who are entirely straight. Author confirms DIO as being attracted to men and Jotaro as ace in as many words (he’s a Japanese dude in his 50’s, so he’s never going to use the term, but his wording makes it clear that’s what he has in mind), and also describes one arc as a love story between men.(3/11)

Yugioh GX of all things confirms at the end of the third season in the subs that the main character and his best guy friend are in love, and there’s a canon nonbinary/intersex character who’s (simplest terms) his partner for the rest of the series, but they start out as a villain because reasons (it’s complicated). Fushigi Yuugi has a trans lady as a main character and it’s approached pretty okay if lacking nuance, though keep in mind it was the 80’s and I’ve only watched 1/3 of the show. (4/11)

One Piece’s author confirmed that the Straw Hats are all “in love with adventure” in confirming that none of them are ever going to be interested in romance during the course of the story (aro), and the main character is explicitly shown as aroace in text without using the words, though One Piece will always come with the disclaimer that Oda is bad at women and that the trans characters (there are an impressive amount) are a “complicated” subject at best, so approach with caution. (5/11)

Flip Flappers takes the queer subtext of magical girl anime and just makes it text as blatantly and plainly as they possible can. Everyone knows what Yuri on Ice is by now. Dragon Ball Super (I know, right?) introduced two Saiyan women in the latest arc who are all but stated to be attracted to each other. It’s hard to tell if it’s just queerbaiting or if they really plan to go through with it, but they’re in the arc with the maybe-a-joke maybe-serious lesbian magical girls, too, so maybe?(7/11)

In the “it’s canon but they can’t show it” camp, there’s Girls’ Last Tour about two teenage lesbians who survive the apocalypse together that’s super chill. Been kind of heavy on non-sexual nudity in a couple episodes, though, so at least be aware of that. Cromartie High School is a weird show, and one of the characters is literally, honest to God Freddie Mercury, so that’s probably worth mentioning even if they don’t really reference him being a bi man. (8/11)

Haven’t You Heard? I’m Sakamoto’s main character has aroace vibes, and one of his guy friends is explicitly shown crushing on him and another guy. The anime hasn’t gotten to it yet (and might not since it probably won’t be renewed), but Please Tell Me! Galko-chan is about teenage girls talking about life, and sometimes they mention finding other girls attractive (and Sam Jackson). Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-kun’s main character is implied aro and another character is GNC/genderqueer and bi. (9/11)

One of the newer Tokyo Ghoul manga has a trans dude who wears a binder, though it’s a little shaky in terms of how he’s treated and there’s a chance they might pull the “and he was really a girl all along!” bullshit, but I haven’t read a ton of the part he’s in so I’m not really sure what he’s even up to at this point in time within the canon, so be aware of that and that it’s loaded with gore. Another guy loves the male main character, but see Hisoka for similar representation issues. (10/11)

That’s about all I can think of right now. Sorry for flooding you with all these, just hoping maybe people bummed out by the news might enjoy reading some stuff that’s presumably not created by pedophiles. Most of it’s wlw because that’s anime, but I did try to include as many mlm, trans, and otherwise queer things as I could remember to help get a decent set of options. Hope this is useful. (11/11)

Sorry this is late, I don’t answer things about anime because I’m the western comics person, but since no one else answered you, I’m just leaving your recs here. Thank you for sending them!!

- Mod L

[megapotatosaurus]

Here we go again guys, @rebelbaze replied once more.  I hope you’ve all been enjoying the show.  For those of you wondering when it’s gonna end, the answer to that is right now.  This will be my final response.

Full comments on this post.

“Yeah, dude, you’re LGBT because you’re pansexual. Not because you’re demi. […] YOU are just as pansexual as any other pansexual out there. You aren’t a watered down pansexual. Aren’t less of a pansexual. Which means cis straight aces aren’t any less cis or straight han their peers. And that means they share exactly zero meaningful experiences with me. I share as many experiences with a man who likes to be pegged by his wife as I do with cishet aces.” -rebelbaze

Well, I sure am glad to hear that I'm not a watered down pansexual.  That sounds terrible!  Painful, even.

However, I'm also cis.  Am I oppressing you?  Because obviously I'm no less cis than any other cis person. Ain't no watered down cis any more than a watered down pan.  So why do I belong in your group, but not a cishet ace?

And who knows, maybe you do share some meaningful experiences with a guy who likes pegging.  Maybe you both like the same brand of tea.  Maybe you've both terrorised 'outsiders' on the internet.  Who knows.

“Asexuality isn’t a sexual orientation, it is a modifier to sexual orientation the same way “kinky” or “polyamorous” is.” -rebelbaze

So asexuality is a 'modifier' now. What does it give, +1 to Wisdom?  +5 to Empathy?  Oh wait, that's impossible, because you're ace too apparently.

And when you say that asexuality isn't a sexual orientation, you're extending your attack from just cishet aces, to all aces.  Sooo... that whole thing about not being aphobic? If it walks like an aphobe and talks like an aphobe, it's an aphobe.

“You do realize I’m not a single individual claiming cis straight aces aren’t LGBT right? Like, I am drawing on a four year degree studying LGBT history and have realized that there aren’t ANY mentions of ace people in the LGBT community before 2015?” -rebelbaze

I don't know what the fact that you studied LGBT+ history says about the “edcuation” system over there, but whatever you learned about history, it sure hasn't informed your present very well.

If you knew anything about LGBT+ history, and the present trends, you would know that you are not on the right side of it.  You're not on the right side at all.  It's only going to become broader, more open and welcoming, more intersectional.  That's the way we're driving it. Because while there are angry and toxic and very vocal members who want to shut out those who 'do not belong,' they are very fortunately in the minority still.

And I assume if there aren't many mentions of ace people before then, it's because that's when they began gaining more awareness.  A lot of the literature I've seen on asexuality has been dating from around 2014, 2015, 2016.  But it certainly was a thing before then.  Brotto et al.'s piece on asexuality dated from 2010, and had certainly been in the making long before that.

But more than that, just because these things weren't commonly known doesn't mean they were never a thing.  It could well be that ace people have never been able to identify themselves as such until asexuality was coined and gained more presence.  This is why visibility is so important.  If bisexual, ace, pan, genderfluid, trans people are visible, then others will discover themselves, too. And these people deserve a place in the movement that fights for all forms of sexuality and gender identity.  And they deserve to take that place safe in the knowledge that no one is going to pounce on the chance to tell them that they don't belong.

“Me loathing cis straight aces isn’t internalized aphobia. I don’t hate them because they’re ace. I hate them because they’re cis and straight.” -rebelbaze

And I'm very sorry to hear that.  Ultimately, your hatred helps no one, and hurts you.  I noticed that on your blog you reblogged some quotes from Carrie Fisher earlier today, including: “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”  The more you continue with this way of life and mindset, the more it will sit like poison in your stomach and eat, eat, eat away.

Let me tell you something.  Your hatred is not hurting cis straight people. Cis straight people are fine.  Cis straight people don't care about what LGBT+ people think about them, they aren't impacted by it.

Your hatred is hurting ace people.

I know it's hurting ace people, because in the few short hours I've been making posts here debating with you, I've had them approach me and tell me how brave I am, what a good job I'm doing, how they've battled with you and others like you for so long and are so tired of fighting.

Please, rethink your stance.

------

I'm going to stop conversing with you now.  Just a few final points. Many people use the image of talking to a brick wall to describe how it feels to talk to someone who will never listen, who won't even consider your thoughts or opinions.  I say to you now that talking to you has not been like conversing with a brick wall – it's been like kicking around a piece of gravel.  An obstinate, ultimately irrelevant little piece of stone.  The kind of stone that gets stuck in your shoe for a while, then you hammer it out and forget about it.

Stop making yourself irrelevant.  If you would stand up beside your fellow aces, it would only make the movement stronger.  As it is, you're barely even weakening it.  People are just frustrated, and won't engage with you after a while.

Finally, a favourite quote of mine, attributed to St. Augustine: “The truth is like a lion; you don't have to defend it.  Let it loose, it will defend itself.”  I promise you, with all certainty, that anyone who has read this exchange between us with a reasonable mind, some compassion in their heart, and an interest in enacting true social justice has agreed with my points, not yours.

I really do hope for your own sake, as well as everyone else's, that you will learn to look inside of yourself, confront your destructive emotions and eventually find peace.

[mysurveys]

Random Qs

Survey #27 on the Countdown to 2018!

This survey was also done last Tuesday.

What’s the date today?

It's April 4th now.

Are you wearing jeans?

I'm wearing PJs right now.

What comes to mind when I say the word "pink"?

Cherry blossoms and one of my old OFCs named Sakuya Momoka.

Do you believe in finding the good in people?

I've only ever been unable to find good in one person. I didn't get to know them on a personal level nor did I want to so it's not like it really matters that much.

There's obviously both good and bad in everyone, though. Having a black and white mentality about others is just childish.

Has anyone let you down recently?

No, not really.

If you married the last person you rode in a car with, what would your name be?

The last person I rode in a car with is my mother and we share the same surname.

What jewelry are you wearing and where did you get it?

I'm only wearing my fave ring that I got from my maternal grandmother. She bought it at LifeWay.

What was the last thing someone said to you?

I have no idea.

What was the last thing someone asked you?

I really don't remember that either, besides the obvious.

Did you sleep alone last night?

Yes, I did, as per usual.

What will you be doing tomorrow around 2 PM?

I don't know yet.

Was the last person you spent the night with male or female?

I last stayed the night at my maternal grandmother's while our AC was out.

Have you ever kissed that person?

I haven't even kissed her on the cheek.

What're the last four digits of the number of the last person to call you?

I'm not telling you parts of people's phone numbers. It's pointless anyway.

Where was the last place you went today?

Market Basket.

Do you tan?

I don't tan at all. I only ever burn from exposure to the sun.

Have you ever spent the night on a rooftop?

I haven't.

Have you ever played hide and seek in a cornfield?

I haven't and I wouldn't want to either.

What's the nearest big city to you?

DTD makes this difficult to remember since I don't normally pay attention to such. Beaumont? I'm not aware of the population number.

What do you consider your hometown?

I first lived in Beaumont, but that was so brief that Nederland is more so my hometown.

Are you still living there?

I'm still in Nederland, but we want to move out of southeast Texas.

Do you live within twenty minutes of your best friend?

I live with my mother who's been one of my besties since I became an adult, but the rest of them are out-of-state or in Japan.

Are you wearing socks at the moment?

I'm not since I usually take them off as soon as I get home.

Have you ever taken any foreign language classes?

I never had any formal classes for Japanese, but I picked it up fluently from my friends. It was the next best thing to being dropped in Japan and learning out of necessity.

I'm not solid with the written form yet just because it's so complex, though. And I'm not really that dedicated to learning it either. It's not entirely necessary.

Were your parents married when they had you?

Yes, they were and they were trying to have a baby too.

Are they married now?

Yes, they are.

Would you marry someone 30 years older than you if they had millions?

I wouldn't marry someone just for their money since I'm not a gold-digger.

What was the last irresponsible thing you’ve done?

I don't often act irresponsibly of my own volition, but I did use my Zeroes as a crutch last month. There were so many physical pains going on in my body that I noticed how Zeroes alleviated it with an emotional feeling.

That's part of why I'm going to schedule an appointment with a new therapist soon. I need better coping mechanisms.

How long were you employed at your last job?

I've been on disability since I was seventeen so I've never had a paid job. Someone with Bipolar insomnia, dyscalculia, DTD, and long-term memory problems can't really hold a steady paid job. The only "work" I do is for my nonprofit group as a result.

Are you very stressed at the moment?

I'm not really feeling stressed right now, but I am pretty tired.

Who was the last person to make you cry?

It was partly due to my mother's lack of understanding and assistance, I think. That was sometime last year.

At least I'm guessing the last time had something to do with all of my hormonal issues involving endometriosis, hypothyroidism and diabetes. That was before I finally got a hysterectomy to alleviate some of my problems.

Did they apologize for it?

She did multiple times, but I discovered that they were empty words until the point that I had a mini breakdown. And even after that I had to lose my cool again after she was being a bitch about helping me get a non-drowsy pain medication.

Not only did it say it would make me drowsy and dizzy, it was one I was allergic to. She'll be callous like that out of nowhere.

How're things between you and your ex?

Which ex? I only speak to two of them who're my besties. One is moving on and looking for love locally. The other is obsessive and still stuck on me despite my best efforts to dissuade him. I really can't do anything more to help him let go.

How long have you been in your current relationship or been single?

I can't remember exactly when I broke it off with Sasuke M. last year. Or was that this year? Math if I know.

Have you ever fired a gun?

I haven't. I understand the dynamics, though.

Do you come from a town with a population of less than 3K?

No, I don't.

How far is it to the nearest Walmart?

Not very far, but I couldn't tell you in numeric terms due to dyscalculia and DTD.

What was the total of the last check you wrote?

I don't think I've ever done that outside of Home Ec. so I obviously know how, but I prefer not to be involved in writing them since I have dyscalculia.

Mom mixes my finances with theirs all the time because I trust her with it. I only monitor all of my entertainment purchases very closely because that pertains to my personal budget.

Do you ever donate to charities like the Salvation Army?

I think Mom drops them some change sometimes, but I prefer to donate strictly to smaller local charities when I can.

Charity begins at home and should extend to the community around you. Paying into big corporate charity groups is an unnecessary risk.

"The Salvation Army wants people like me (gay, trans, and mentally ill) dead. So no, and I hope everyone who supports them dies an agonizing death and burns in their christian hell." ← Do you believe everything you hear without validating it for yourself?

For everyone's future reference, the verse in question is Romans 1:32 which has nothing to do with physical death.

"They know God’s Law says that anyone who lives like that should die. But they not only continue to do these things themselves but also encourage others who do them." That's the Easy To Read Version.

It's speaking to Christians about various sins and sin itself causing a person to lack eternal life through salvation in Christ. Living in sin without repentance equates to eternal damnation and death. That's not the same thing as physically dying.

Why would Christ die on the cross for people He hates or wants to die physically? That doesn't even make any sense.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have eternal life."

That's inescapably clear about the context of Romans 1:32 and the Bible says that kind of thing quite often. So don't believe everything you hear.

There will never be a deficit of humans who misinterpret God's Word without meaning to be malicious or those who misuse the Bible for their own evil ends. 

If you want to know what the Bible says about anything, open it up and start reading it for yourself. That's what you have to do with literally everything else, right?

What're some lyrics from a song you've recently listened to?

"No magic can make you reappear, but in the song of the whales you are always here." That's a lyric from Return To Me from Winx Club: Beyond Believix and it's about Musa and her mother.

Do you consider yourself flexible?

To some extent, but I ish teh fat. I can surprisingly touch my toes without bending my knees, though. That's pretty good for a fatty.

Have you taken any medicine today?

I haven't taken anything since the clock hit 12 AM.

What were you doing at 5 PM?

Yesterday I was online for a bit, but it's only 2:54 AM right now. (Why am I awake!)

What's a song that reminds you of a friend and can you describe the memory it brings up?

There are only a few that remind me of past romantic relationships. I more often relate music to fictional charries.

How old were you when September 11th occurred?

Ugh, math and timelines. I was born in 1986 on May 27th so you can calculate that yourself.

Does rain make you feel depressed?

It never has that effect on me, but I sometimes want it to end if it goes on for days or if I want to go outside.

How about winter?

I love winter. It's the oppressive heat of the summer that I hate even though that season still has its merits.

What’s the nearest holiday to your birthday?

Easter falls near it just to name a major holiday here, but Cinco de Mayo, Mother's Day and Memorial Day are all closer to the date of my birth with the last one being the closest. However, Ramadan is on the actual date.

If you found out you were pregnant, who would you tell first?

That's not even possible as I have no uterus.

Has anyone given you flowers in the last six months?

Definitely not, but I don't want to receive anything that's dying and senselessly killing things to show love is gross.

How did you meet the last person to leave you a comment?

I don't even pay attention to such and I spent a lot of last month away from all social media sites too.

How long have you known the last person to call or text you?

I've known my mother since I was conceived. I was very much alive and growing at the time.

How old's the last person you rode in a car with?

Mom is 66 or 67 right now. Dyscalculia and long-term memory problems mean that I'll never get a fix on that.

What did you do when you hung out with the last person you kissed?

That was well over a decade ago so there's no way I can recall that.

What grade are you in at the moment?

I'm 30 and I never even went to a typical high school. I was in an all-grade Christian school before making an attempt at homeschooling via the web, but I pretty much knew it was useless regarding math and science. They finally let me quit.

Where's your phone right now? Who's your provider?

What was the last chore you did?

Something to do with my cats, I'm sure.

Do you prefer online classes or real classes?

"Online classes are real classes." ← This. I tried homeschooling via the internet, but I just dislike formal classes altogether.

What's the nearest red object to you?

The label on a bottle of Ozarka spring water.

What was the last board game you played?

I'm assuming it was Monopoly since that was the only board game I ever really loved. I'm great with the logical aspects of economics, but I really should've been paying other players to count my money. LOL

What're you doing after this survey?

I might do another survey or try to get some sleep after this, but I really don't feel so tired right now. I'm pretty sure that I've gone into the point of Bipolar insomnia.

I might end up watching some TV after this if I can't find another survey that looks good. Or I'll just migrate all my LJ stuff over to DW instead. Sleep eludes me.