#but that time it was as if she didnt even hear me. not even a flick of the ear to show that she'd heard me.

[scartale-an-undertale-au]

So... I see this a decade after i decided to simply... Stop instigating conversations because i felt like im simply burdening others with my presence and that they actually felt annoyed having to hear from me and wished i wouldnt send messages.

The thing is that none of them ever approached me afterwards. When we saw each other after a while we would be ecstatic but there was a wall between us already and i dont know if its simply life going on and us being very different than back then, or that they truly didnt see me the same as i saw them (as my besties).

One time i met one of them (this one specifically was my best friend from first grade until twelve basically) on the street and i see that she's married and walking with her husband. Turns out the wedding was that sunday and i wasnt even notified of it happening or of the engagement. I wasnt mad about not being invited, but i was hurt for not even being notified! She then turned to her husband and said that im a friend of her from high school.

Its been a decade from high school so i can see why she said that, but that hurt me so badly that the moment i waved them goodbye and they disappeared around a corner, i collapsed and just sobbed. I was so heartbroken. It seemed that i was the only one who still thought of her as my old school's bestie or had thought of including her in any future milestones simply because she was so important to me.

So i dont know how i feel about this post. I understand where you guys are coming from and its in good intentions, but the main issue is that many kids who become the sole instigators were never shown that they can be vulnerable in front of their friends about this matter. It felt like its your duty and how you contribute to the group. And when it became harder and harder, the friends never questioned why you pulled away or asked for your wellbeing. It turned into a situation when you feel more like a nuisance than a leader.

Fortunately, i have now friends who instigate so much more than me and i keep telling them how i appreciate it and apologise for how terrible i am at texting back and that its never because i dont want them to text me. Its simply because texting or answering messages had become so hard for me and so mentally taxing i sometimes shut down when i see messages i need to reply to.

So rambling aside, as much as i appreciate your sentiment, i think a different approach would be helpful.

My approach (which is not better or worse, just a different approach) is to get comfortable with a 'friends for one day' reality. I go so many times to so many places and meet so many amazing people, we always say we'll contact one another and keep in touch and then never contact one another again, and that's alright.

You have to be comfortable with being friends without focusing on the 'keeping the friendship going' let people come and go. Those who truly want to stick around will stick around, and they usually have a much deeper connection with you that isnt dependant on who instigates the conversations.

My friends are those that mostly text in memes and reels since we dont see each other often. And i do the same in return. Its easier and relays so much more. We have proper conversations here and there, but our actual interactions happen physically. And they instigate meetups much more than i do and i always make sure that they know that i appreciate it. One of my friends and i also have some differences in opinions, so we have some long discussions.

I also have a friend who i dont text to at all but invites me to shabbat meals once in a while and i come over and its like no time had passed. I invite her back for bbq or shabbat as well, but thats also once in a blue moon.

Another friend is across the ocean so its mostly photos and small comments and talks about our lives and since the war began, she keeps checking if im alive and well.

Another friend is also across the ocean and we mostly speak about our realities of being jews or squeal over her precious daughter or make plans for when she finally comes to Israel.

So my friends arent part of one group but many branches of different aspects of my life. I would say i have around seven/eight of them that arent my current co workers (work friendship is also temporary and i accept that fully and enjoy our time together) and im truly blessed because i had let go of the desperate need to keep my friends together.

So please dont call us a bitch for not willing to talk about it. And we're certainly not mini community leaders, we're just people who are friends with those that never cared about reaching out first or affirming our friendship in any kind of way. Its not fair to put the expectations of reaching out onto the one who constantly did that. Friends who truly want to keep up a friendship will attempt to do so when they see that the other side isnt as present as previously.

Sorry im all over the place, im on my phone and its harder to articulate on it

every now and then the internet decides it should revamp the ole “stop texting first and see how many friends you lose” when in reality you could literally just communicate that u feel bad that ur the only one texting first

[seokmn]

LONELY DANCERS

pairing: vernon x gn!reader

wc: 1.1k words

warning: mentions of drinking and kissing

lua’s notes: 100% inspired by this conan’s banger. there you go my vernon lover @k1eev enjoy dancing with him 💋💋

“no- seungkwan, you dont understand. i simply cannot find soojin!” vernon said on the phone. the music was blasting, and he was not only looking but walking around the unknown house, taking a good look at every person that was surrounding him. “its like she disa-“ he cut himself off, “found her. seungkwan, ill talk to you later.”

vernon ended the call with his friend and just stood there watching his date from afar while she was kissing another guy. he clenched his jaw and kept looking like he couldnt take his eyes off of her and the guy she was basically swallowing in front of everyone at that party.

suddenly everything started to slow down and the music started to die. and still, he was there staring at the girl, the girl who was supposed to be his for the night – and, at least he thought, for a really long time. his surroundings only seemed to get back to normal when he felt a tap on his shoulder, he looked to his side and saw someone smiling at him.

“is one of them your crush? youre staring at them for a while now” you said as you got close to his ear so the music wouldnt be a problem for him to listen to you. vernon looked at you, not knowing if he should tell you the truth or not. “i suppose it is” you said when you noticed he wasnt going to tell you and chuckled. in response, he only gave you a quick smile, feeling a bit embarrassed.

“its okay! if that makes you feel better, my boyfriend broke up with me tonight. youre not the only one who got dumped here”

“sorry to hear that” he said, not exactly knowing what to say since that fact didnt make him feel better at all, but he still wanted to be polite. "im yn, by the way.”

“im vernon” he smiled, his shy smile made you smile as well. “wanna join me for the night? or do you wanna keep staring at them like a creepy?”

“do i look like a creepy?” you looked at his worried expression and nodded, “you have no idea how much. cmon, lets get you a drink.”

you took his hand and walked towards the crowded kitchen. “you down for some vodka and cola?”, he looked around before looking back at you, “sure, why not?”. you smiled and served him the drink before making one for yourself as well.

“so… is it the girl or the guy?”. he took a sip of his drink, looking at it and nodding with his lips curled downward, a signal that he liked the drink, before responding “the girl”

“was she your girlfriend?”

“no, we were more like a fling, but i thought things were getting serious. looks like i was wrong” you groaned and looked at him, “thats the worse. im sorry to hear that.”

vernon just shrugged his shoulders and kept drinking while you were still looking at him, wanting to keep the conversation going, but not knowing how to. “my boyfriend… well, ex boyfriend,” you chuckled bitterly before continuing, “and i were dating for four months. i guess its not too much, but i certainly didnt see the breakup coming, specially right before coming here”. you sighed, “guess our love life will have a different path from now on”

vernon nodded and was about to speak before you cut him off, “you know what? forget those assholes, they dont know love and honestly? i hope they die. so you should get back up, cuz by the end of the week we’ll be alright! youre a very good looking guy, im sure youre hella interesting and im good looking and interesting as hell! we dont need them! fuck them!” you said as you started to tear up from anger. you took a deep breath and smiled at vernon. “i gotta dance or else ill cry. wanna join me?” you looked at him with hope in your eyes.

“yea, lets dance”, he didnt even finish his sentence and you were already dragging him back to the living room and starting to dance to the song that was playing. at first, vernon was a little bit shy of dancing in front of everyone, but his shyness was slowly dying as he saw how carefree you were while dancing like there was no tomorrow, like no one was around you two. soon enough, the two of you were having the time of your lives, dancing like it could save you from a heartbreak or even save your lives and it really felt like it could save you from any worries or danger.

your movements started to slow down as both of you started to get a little tired from dancing. you were smiling as you looked at vernon, his smile making you smile even wider. it felt like there was only you and him in that moment, your heart was beating fast and you couldnt tell if it was because of all the dancing or if it was because of him standing right in front of you.

the euphoria you were feeling was too intense. you kept looking at vernon, it was clear that he was getting tired, but he continued dancing anyway, enjoying his time and forgetting about his ex date’s existence. once he finally made eye contact with you, you didnt think twice – actually, you didnt even think – and leaned forward, your lips meeting his.

you felt your heart beating even faster once you felt his soft lips in contact with yours. you broke the kiss right after you got back to earth and thought about what you were doing. “oh my god im so sorry i didnt mean to! i mean… yeah, maybe i did but its just because i thought the moment was ri-“ vernon cut you off by kissing you, placing his hand on your cheek when you started to kiss him back. you couldnt tell if your body relaxed or got even more excited when he kissed you, all you could tell was that you were enjoying it and that his kiss was out of this world.

when he broke the kiss he looked at you, who was looking at him like he committed a crime by pulling his lips away from yours. he looked around before looking back at you, “i know a better place than this crowded house, wanna go with me?”

you smiled and nodded, “sure, this party is kinda lame anyway”. he chuckled and nodded, fixing his cap before placing his hand on your lower back and leaving the party with you.

[g-k444]

Idea: use body paint to paint on a bikini for me before we go to the beach

watch as heads turn at my tits that bounce just a little too freely, and my pussy lips which are shown with every step where my legs part and the little pink slit is revealed a bit more

someone comes over with a mate and points out that im not wearing anything and that they could call the police on me for public indecency. but the stubborn brat i am - i cross my arms over my plump chest and say that they can't prove that im not wearing a bikini.

they take that as a challenge.

they lunge for me, wrestling me down onto the sand and pinning down my struggling and flailing body as i try to fight them off of me, though my nipples pique with a wanton neediness for the way that they assert their strength over my weakness, forcing my forearms down into the ground and pushing my thighs down so that i cannot kick them

the main one who initially pointed out my lack of clothing has his hands on my thighs - and uses them to split my legs apart, parting the orange paint and revealing the pink folds of my pussy.

"How's that for no bikini? Look at this."

I can feel tears welling to my eyes as i hear a gasp, and open my eyes to see passerbys looking - some even stopping their walk to watch as the stranger between my legs opens my fold with two fingers and reveals my slick and wet hole that leaks with cum from just this morning

"What a slut, freshly creampied and already walking around begging for more.."

"Hey, can i take a picture of that?"

the question wasn't addressed for me, and I fought to cover my exposed pussy with my hands as I watched someone level their phone so that it was level with my private parts - but the other man had my forearms pinned down into the sand, and I could only struggle against his unyielding grip as I watched the phone's flash go off, and they took a picture of my drippy pussy against my will

"She has a great pair of tits, look at them shake when she struggles!"

"They really are something..."

the crowd around me looked at me like a museum artefact. they didnt care for my struggle or desperate cries as I begged the two men to get off of me. Nor my scream as I felt something enter my pussy - and looking down I saw the man between my with his jeans undone and cock sheathed into my body.

"That damn bikini top isn't real either, is it?"

the stranger spat onto my chest, a saliva dripping down the side of my boob before his fingers collected the fluid and rubbed the coldness over my hardened nipple, making a cry leave my throat as how merciless he was with how his hardened fingertip rubbed at my nipple as though he was trying to rub a marker pen stain - flicking my nipple from side to side and only making more blood rush to the erogenous organ that hurt from his touch

"It's paint as well!"

He spat once more, this time allowing it to land onto my face, before i felt a cock slap against my cheek and rub that saliva degradingly pver my lip, following the trace of the cock - belonging to the man who had my forearms pinned into the ground

he held both of my arms down with one hand, his other hand then wrapping around his cock and pumping it into his fist with that one hand, only slapping it onto my face every so often to hear that skin-on-skin plap that made him groan.

the sun was going down.

the day was darkening and the crowd surrounding us was only getting bigger, and through tears and screams i could see more and more hands beneath waistbands and cocks freed at the sight of such a young, vulnerable girl being pinned down and forcefucked.

which meant that even after i'd survived that assault, being fucked and humiliated by some douche and his mate - having on cum all over my tits whilst the other replenished my pussy for cum...

there was a lot more men that were going to have their way with me before i could get out of this beach and back to safety...

reminder to send rape threats and brutal messages of what you'd do to me in my inbox or messages <3

[lara4eclipze]

» love loop

sypnosis -» love is like a cycle no one can escape , you love you get love then that very love is broken , what if you just can't take it anymore

warnings-» angst, suicide, swearing, depression, both reader and lara die in here, established relationship (bestfriends) , lara had feelings for reader

talks -» im trying to experiment with my writing soo idrk how well this will do, also i know this is a very dark thing so please do scroll away if your very uhm sensitive to this topic

taglist: @ohmyhaely @nyssalvr @vrtualstar @c-yerim @jellaaa @nakylvr @chuugetmesohigh

you didnt know where you went so wrong-were you unlovable? nothing ever lasted nothing ever will, here you were again sobbing to your pillow

tears blur your eyes as you try to think clearly but you couldn't - your girlfriend has just broken up with you due to reasons you thought was so stupid

good things don't last they say yet cant you just have one thing to yourself for once? - its always you giving out love and never receiving any back

every moment felt like you were burning alive - knowing you will never find anyone that can actually love you till end of time

your phone rings with notifications every few seconds - from friends and family alike , they asked if you were alright

you couldn't respond cause you knew that you'd just end up lying - telling them yet again that you were alright and that you were just not feeling well

lara, your best friend has been calling you for the past 30 minutes - yet your hands seemed to fail every time you tried to reach for your phone and answer it

she didn't deserve to hear you sob for the maybe hundredth time this year about how you were unlovable and how you felt like you'll never meet the right person

lara felt like breaking down every time she saw you cry , just hearing your broken sobs made her die , knowing how much she can treat you way better but she didn't want to admit to you how much she really loved you

your mind was fogged over with hatred and depression nothing was worth living anymore , you slowly stood up and made your way to your balcony

the city lights faded beautifully , some blurred by your unshed tears , your hands shakily held the railings

"I'm sorry" you whisper , what were you sorry for? lara you both made a truce to never give up and always have each others back

you close your eyes and let the memories flood in , yet all of the good ones were with her with lara , it broke your heart that you didnt even talk to her before getting to this specific point

yet as you open your eyes you lift yourself up and stood on the railing , you took a quick look below you seeing no one you did it

you jumped, closing your eyes as the world around you faded into an inaudible sound, then everything was black as tears finally fell out of your eyes

this was it right? this was the end

lara drives to your apartment alarmed that you haven't responded to her calls , that's until she sees you lifeless on the cold pavement your head bleeding from what she can guess is impact of your fall

she runs out of her car quickly huddling your body trying to shake you to wake up or even show any signs of living

"y/n wake up! , don't leave me! shit don't do this to me please" she screams , she slowly started seeing the life drain out of your body , your hands got colder as your skin turned pale

as paramedics and police got to the place lara couldn't bring her self to let go of your body , she hugged you tightly regretting how late she got to your place

she wished that she just went even 20 minutes earlier , maybe just maybe she could've saved you , she could have held you for just a moment longer , she could wipe your tears away and replace it with your sickening sweet smile

days passed and none of those days did lara not sob her self to sleep, anytime she closed her eyes all she can see was you crying and begging her to help you

it was like a nightmare haunting her every night , any moment by then lara would've crumbled , yet she just wanted to see you one last time and feel your arms wrap around her just one more time

lara stood before the very same balcony you have leaped from , its like a sick play just the way you were sobbing lara was too, she wore your clothes trying to smell the comfort you bring to her life

"i want us to be together y/n , wait for me" lara mutters as she places herself above the railings , she closes her eyes and hugs herself leaping

her worries were washed away , all lara could see was you smiling at her , and as her body hits the floor all she could do was smile , she was finally gonna be with you

all lara could think about was you , even in her final moment all she wanted was you

[imkazz]

saiki k season 2 lore is insane

cant believe some of my moots said there was barely any lore or character development until the last 2 episodes because what the fuck is thissss (huge spoilers)

making this more organised than my last post about season 1 and the finale

teruhashi at first i really really hated her- of course, i loved and adored her as a character but as a person? no. she is a play on the anime trope of 'perfect mary sue girl' and its so fuckin weird becuase its both exactly that and exactly the opposite. she is perfect and looks beautiful and nobody can compare and basically everyone is falling in love with her or completely and utterly jealous of her- exactly like one of those stereotypical girls in those kinds of animes. but then at the same time shes not. teruhashi is intelligent, cunning, calculating, and puts up a delicate facade practically 24/7. she knows her abilities and utilises them to her absolute fullest, and i completely respect her for that. teruhashi recognises that she is 'gods favourite' and she is not shy in the slightest to manipulate that to ensure she gets the advantage. however, this knowledge of everyone else completely obliterates her own self-perception: she believes that she herself is the very role she is acting. teruhashi is determined that she is absolutely kind and perfect and is in no way wrong with anything she does. and with her lack of experience involving rejection and plainness, she completely overlooks saiki and is utterly confused with him as a whole. and at first, teruhashis obsession with saiki is about getting him to just become another guy- get him to say 'offu' to her. she bugs him, follows him, comes up with ploys, manipulates the world around her to try and get it to happen, uses all of her skills to her advantage, only for nothing. i didnt like her as a high school student to another because she painfully reminds me of a lot of girls i was friends with.

but then as the series goes on...... teruhashi changes. i think it was a gradual thing (such as teruhashi becoming friends with yumehara, even- i dont think she actually had female friends up until yumehara because of the amount of guys around her +the fact that all other girls near her would get overshadowed), but it really showed up for me in episode 17 of season 2. where teruhashi got jealous of aiura (fuuck i gotta talk about this diva). yeahhh it was not pretty. teruhashi began changing herself so that saiki could notice her (and i notice that before, teruhashi had only tried to use her own personal skills to get him to say 'oh wow' so this is the first time shes tried changing herself) and i found saikis attempts to dissuade her interesting too. typically, with all of his attempts, saiki would go into her mind and use his powers to try and turn her off, but this time, he actually told aiura to do it.

i think it was also very interesting that aiura was also changing around her appearance, as it really helped set things in for teruhashi. as they both changed what they were like (teruhashi for a boy (saiki), aiura for a girl (teruhashi)) so teruhashi was only getting more and more confused with that bit. 'if im getting more gyaru and aiura more kawaii then why isnt he reacting to either of us?'. and then saiki gets aiura to talk to teruhashi, and i also found what aiura said to teruhashi interesting. it was all that stuff about saiki and what kind of girl he liked. and i really think that she was telling the truth. i really feel that aiura was just saying things about saiki about a whole for all his relationships, romantic or platonic. he likes people who stay true to themselves. kaido is unafraid to feed his delusions/imagination (whichever you please), toritsuka is always honest with saiki (even if nobody wants to hear that pervy stuff), aiura is unafraid to be boisterous and stylish (even if she is a little bit freaky), kuboyasu is genuinely trying to become a better person (even if it sometimes doesnt work), akechi is determined and didnt let saiki sway him (despite all the obstacles that saiki put in his way), nendo is undoubtedly stupid but he is still kind (saiki watched him jump in front of a truck to save a kid thousands of times), on and on and on.

not only that, it is painfully clear to us the viewers that changing appearances doesnt matter in the slightest to saiki- he only sees it for like 3 seconds (i think he said) before it becomes muscle. curling hair or applying makeup or having more meat on the titties doesnt matter to him at all. what matters is what happens in their head, because while he doesnt get an extensive idea about their outside, he gets overly surrounded by everything on the inside. and thats probably why aiura saw that and said that to teruhashi (even if she cant explain the full reason). so teruhashi returns to normal and says that she will make saiki gasp with her own abilities.

but the strange thing is that shes already given that speech before. i cant say exact episodes from the top of my head but she has totally already said that she would use her charms and looks and sweetness to make him say 'offu' and he has always tried to dissuade her using his powers. but it was this one that made him gasp. and like. i was not expecting it in the slightest ok. but i think it makes sense- she has discovered that she can be confident in herself as a person rather than just her natural looks and is determined nonetheless. i think that saiki recognised around this area that she genuinely liked him as he was, even if she had thought he was 'gloomy and hard to read' (i believe she thought that when with his perv grandpa?) she still wanted to be around him and still had that crush. i love how when teruhashi is talking with other girls (kuriko too, but in this specific case im thinking about is rifuta) about her crush on saiki kusuo, that she would mention that at first, it was pure spite and disbelief that anyone could ignore her like that. and then, teruhashi wouldnt fail to continue and say that she grew to have a genuine crush on saiki that wasnt built upon annoyance at the fact he walked past her. and he discovers that he doesnt particularly mind being the object of her affection (unless her fanbase gets in the way oof) so i think that the offu from was a sort of embarrassed yet begruging acceptance towards this parasite of a girl who has attached herself to him lol

aiura shes sososo cool. i love the freshness(?) of her personality for the rest of the cast. finally a female psychic and i am in love with herr. at first i was a bit skeptical with the whole 'finding my soulmate' thing and i was cackling when saiki was just like 'ah yes she is legit but i am Just Better'. and then she continued to show up more and i love her. shes so quirky and very different from the other girls, who we see as much more feminine and in tune with romance anime tropes than anything, and then she comes in with the gyaru style and i love that so much. not only that, her slang and way of speech compared to the other girls (teruhashi, yumehara, mera) is also very interesting.

not only that, i really loved seeing the anime through her eyes and the auras of other characters including the shock-comedy of saikis. then, as she finds out about his powers and all i really loved how they worked together. i know a lot of other characters also saw that, seeing through teruhashi who commented that they were like the 'opposites attract' trope with 'boring' and 'flamboyant'. but then i also really liked how they worked even without any of the other characters opinions. aiura is still not giving up about the whole soulmates thing and saiki just lets it happen. because his ulterior motives is that she would ward off teruhashi so he begrudgingly accepts her to be near him as she pesters him to date/bang.

and then adding toritsuka into the paragraph, the pk psychic kids are golden. i love love love their dynamics. saiki has more respect for aiura only because he holds none for toritsuka. toritsuka sees saiki as superior and saw aiura as a pair of boobs in the beginning. aiura wants to be with saiki and just hates toritsuka because he tries to flirt. and for every mission they try to do together it always ends up in comedy. when saiki turned kaido and nendo to stone? holy fucking shit that really summed up what they were like. the psychic kids really are a weird band of teenagers with powers and it really showed their personalities in that meeting because. aiura stripping in saikis bed and toritsuka peeking through the door and saiki only sees a pile of muscles on his bed and a perv watching through his door. like cmon

i also want to dig deeper into her powers. she is completely ok with people knowing about her powers (like toritsuka but unlike saiki). she uses them to help people out (unlike toritsuka but like saiki). she uses her powers to her own benefit (like toritsuka but unlike saiki). she doesnt want to burden people with her powers (unlike toritsuka but like saiki). i find them soso interesting too because she questions why saiki doesnt use his powers more openly esp because he just has so many at his disposal. and then he sort of shows her why its a bad idea to so openly help people out by the result of mera and her father and i feel like she toned it down a bit after that too (at least publicly).

childhood lore this was insane. the buildup and everything and how it was presented. it first started with akechi being introduced as a new student and it was already unsettling to see saiki be actually a bit nervous about this guy. and then even more of a shock to see this guy blatantly ask saiki if he was a psychic because what- how the hell would this guy suspect, much less know?! and we learn that they were classmates in elementary school and we see a barely-there flashback to saiki standing in a classroom with childrens bodies scattered around him. so the suspense has started. and then we continue to get pestered by akechi but we know what he wants, but not why and thats the whole deal of it. he is the embodiment of those anime characters who are scarily good at deducing things and has a perfect memory too which makes it all the scarier because we know hes not an idiot unlike the rest of saikis friends.

and then to actually know what happens while saiki is going back in time to change it? masterpiece. we learn more about why akechi is pursuing this answer along with what actually happened to make that happen, along with why saiki cant change it without some sort of grave consequence. and the new knowledge that saiki as a kid without limiters is stronger than teenage saiki with limiters is even scarier because of course saiki wouldnt be able to stop himself.. truly an op main character. i also found it interesting how saiki k (the anime) manages to reuse powers over and over too and in such creative ways and in strange comebacks. he went back in time for his parents, he rewound the earth to one year prior because of the volcano, relived the same moment of nendo dying like thousands of times.. they really only ever hinder him.

and then to know what happens? i thought akechi was a creep for following/knowing everything about saiki but.. knowing everything that he knew at the moment? makes sense. definitely creepy, but much better understood. i feel like it was a good decision from saiki to tell him about his powers. if this isnt the first time theyve been like this, then it really does make sense. they were kids. they still are kids. and omfg saiki saying "i decided not to tell anyone about my abilities after that" because all it did was get akechi into more trouble from bullies. but they are now teenagers and have better cognitive understanding than when they were elementary kids so i feel it was justified for saiki to tell akechi because, after all of that trying with time travel, saiki couldnt stop the series of events unless he was making the world suffer. and akechi deserved at least a bit of closure about what actually happened and why saiki left.

and i feel like this series of events is also what makes saiki who he is in the beginning of the anime. he doesnt want friends at all because if they found out about his power they would be curious and want to know more and blab about it to others. and saiki knows the result from having lived it. because if he gets attached, people he loves get hurt. trying to make friends only causes suffering as akechi got bullied for claiming all those things and saiki hurt other kids using his powers because his emotions got out of control (rightfully!! he was like 8 and his best friend was getting bullied!!! of course he wouldnt be able to control any outbursts).

shipwrekced shipwrecked. i cant forget about this one but i was saving this. i realise i didnt write any notes for this one because i was wayy too focused on the actual happenings to comment. because what the fuck. 

yeah that about sums up what i thought at first.

the tropes. holy shit. they added so so many tropes into this one it was. the teenagers on a ship get shipwrecked on an island. all they have are the clothes theyre wearing and miraculously the pantry which washed ashore along with some supplies to build a raft. like all the typical anime things. and even when they suggest to build a raft, saiki agrees with them because its a good cover up. and i really loved the stereotypes that were put upon them: the loner (saiko), the cannibal (mera), pretty woman (teruhashi), leader (kuboyasu), idiot with good ideas (nendo), then saiki and kaido as the ‘followers’ or ‘helpers’.

then i found how saiki got them out genius, despite the fact he was panicking in the beginning about how to fix it. like of course he should be panicking because you cant see any rational way to get out of the situation without telling the rest of them about his powers. and so he tries to keep them alive for a little bit (going home and sleeping, buying food :sob holy shit bruhh), and then when he finally finds a way out (the raft) they play it off as stupid despite being such a stereotype of any shipwrecked movies. and even teruhashi realised that something was off, right? how his clothes were perfectly clean and all, but when he ‘went to work’ (i totally thought he was off to kill something with the saw helpp), he came back dirty. and of course! only saiki would make a whole new island near japan as a way of keeping his powers secret..

i honestly have no idea how to feel about this because.. how did they move on so quickly?! your students/classmates got trapped on an island for a couple of days. shouldnt this be a bigger deal- shouldnt saiki be known as ‘the kid who got trapped on an island’? like bro…. anime logic (if anyone else could. tell me what the hell was up with the shipwrecked episodes other than being satire towards other shipwrecked medias and being a bit of a comedy along with character development towards some characters like saiko)

friends+classmates so like. kuboyasu is a previous gangster and trying to become better/normal (anime trope). and kaido has middle schooler syndrome and thinks hes so cool (/affectionate). they are the two people you would least expect to become besties right. and yet they fit together so well. kuboyasu wants to become normal while kaido wants anything but. kuboyasu is actually strong and able to protect people while kaido can only dream. and it really shows during that mugging episode where kaido knows about kuboyasus past and yet still tells him to run. kaido is so weak and delusional that he probably gives kuboyasu a reason to remain calm and to 'protect his innocence' while kaido wants to be jet black wings and protect everyone no matter their pasts or abilities despite constantly failing and getting into danger and needing that saving himself. and even after that, they continue to hang out with or without others (such as building that fort or taking motorbike classes together??? or even may i mention when kaido trapped himself inside the coffin and kuboyasu was trying to coax him out). so then imagine my shock and delight when they started calling each other shun and aren like OMFGG?? calling people by their first names in japanese culture is a sign of being close with each other (such as chiyo and kokomi). theyre always in close proximity to each other and i adore themm

okok then saiki. and his friendssss. these episodes as a whole just show how much hes grown to care for themm. he follows yumehara and her boyfriend-sworn friend(?) to ensure that neither gets hurt from their misunderstanding. he warms up the classroom for all his classmates because he caress. he foils the plans of the news team to make teruhashi look bad. he stops hairo from getting killed during a robbery. he makes kaidos prank actually happen. he tries to throw akechi off in order to protect both of them from his power. he fucking saved yumehara from falling to her death. he gets beaten up by some fourth graders to help out yuuta. he gets everyone to return their gifts to mera on her birthday. he uses hypnosis to get his class to look better while they perform that play. he catches teruhashi before she falls and carries her to the nurse. he probably wouldnt have done half those things in the first part of season 1. so many of those require him to genuinely care for the people hes helping and not only that, some of those things draw attention to him and he would only let that happen if he truly cares for who he is aiding.

then to add to more about relationships between characters that arent saiki. kuboyasu and saiko. it definitly started as a hate-hate relationship. but then we see saiko crying in the bathroom because mean things were written on his desk and then we also see kuboyasu had tried to clean it off before saiko got there. my heartttt. not only that, but saiko who didnt care about peasants who went out of his way to redo his mansion to fit their tastes? and at first it was for his own ego (so similar to teruhashi omfgg) but then just like her, saiko began to actually care and didnt even understand it himself about why he was so focused on getting them to like him. and ofc he is an ass. he rolls down the window only to close it and drive away because its cold. he withdraws funding from the play just because the class was going behind his back. but its barely his fault. everything is handed to him on a silver platter and he doesnt know better. while kuboyasu had to work for everything. before he was working as a gang leader but now he is working towards being better. and aughh

world lore first off i need to say that the foreshadowing for this was INSANE. do you hear me. i am shaking you by the shoulders while i say that i am still utterly speechless by the implications and impact of episode.

the fucking volcano. holy shit. holy shit. there is so much i have to talk about considering the anime +worldbuilding +foreshadowing +buildup. this is a comedy anime. this is an anime that makes fun of anime tropes constantly. girl running to school with bread in her mouth. background characters. siblings who are a lil too freaky with their siblings. mary sue anime girls. the idiot friends. and then this???? the fact that saiki has been in a time loop for the same year for four years straight is. its literally mentioned by saiki himself when he says 'you might notice something off about this anime' and its poking fun at the fact that high school animes always loop around in order to continue publishing (like how its meant to represent just one year for the main character but theyve had seven winter episodes/chapters and three birthdays for a character). its poking fun at that bit and it uses saiki himself to do it.

the worldbuilding and foreshadowing come hand in hand. in the episode where kuboyasu was first introduced, toritsuka began talking to him about being a transfer student. when kuboyasu asked when toritsuka had entered he said 'second term of second year' so the same as kuboyasu. and we brushed it off as toritsuka being a dumbass. because of course we would, of course kuboyasu would too. but fuckk. we have four transfer students in one year all in second term?? we thought it was just a fucking anime trope thing again. but no. it was all purposeful. and then to add to that, we already knew that saiki had time travel powers. he could control time, we know from his restoration along with (later on from this episode) how he travels back through time for his parents. it was all deliberately set up in that way and so just holy shit.

and now i have to actually talk about that segment itself. the earthquake in the beginning was seemingly comedy and then we see saiki training. cool but not too big of a deal. and then he starts telling us about what the fuck is up just as he tries to stop the volcano. like excuse me?? i found it so very interesting that he continues rewinding time in order to build up his powers daily yet keep the volcano from exploding and intertwining both the time powers and mind control in order to achieve it. and hes gone through second year of high school four times, yet his parents know. it was crazy how nonchalant they were about it too, saying 'oh he can always do it again right' like he is saving the world. how much longer would he do it? how much would he be willing to do? i find saiki so very interesting because he could always just. let the volcano explode but it is in his core to be kind and to help the ones he loves (including the rest of japan). he tries and he knows his limits and yet he is still ready to try again with a new set of abilities.

final thoughts before reawakened too hyperfixated. OOF. anyways im so sad the anime is almost over (for me loll). its sucked me into its grasp because it has everything im looking for. as a high schooler i love all the shenanigans but then as an anime lover i enjoy the satire tropes and as a theatre kid i love the gags and commentary and as a person who looks wayy too deeply into things i love the implications and dark undertones of the series.

[phantomrose96]

twice now ive started and not finished silt verses. (no particular reason i didnt finish, ive really enjoyed it both times and keep thinking that i gotta get back to it.)

a moment that really hit me, and i think i'll always remember, is in hayward's first episode. the series starts with carpenter, so we know that worshipping the trawlerman is illegal and a bit about what that worship is like, but not much about how worshipping other gods works. even with the deer/hound people (who i forget if they happened before or after hayward's intro), that's another illegal and hidden religion. it leaves space to assume that the deadliness and the human sacrifice is WHY these gods are forbidden.

and then hayward's ep happens. and he says, offhand, like it's something completely unremarkable (paraphrased), 'people following those kinds of gods wouldn't get in trouble over it if they could just be reasonable about these things. there's a right and wrong way to do this, like how every new building starts construction by drowning two criminals in the cement foundation.' hearing that, and hearing how casual he was about it, i felt my entire understanding of the setting shift drastically.

legality wasn't about whether a group of worshippers do or don't kill. it was about what worshippers kill the acceptable targets, in the right way. and suddenly i find myself much more distrustful of a society that's motivated to create acceptable targets than i ever was of how carpenter and faulkner do things.

its a really chilling and well done bit of writing.

someday ill get past five episodes. im sure i'll really enjoy it.

Yes!!! YES!!!!

I've mentioned once or twice in my ramblings here that that was also my biggest "Oh" moment for TSV.

I started out episode 1 vaguely thinking of Carpenter and Faulkner as if you'd made a podcast following TMA Avatars as main characters. We know right off the bat the Trawlerman's people are human-sacrificing cultists. Obviously Nana Glass wasn't a good person. She killed people! And she got killed in a police stand-off because she was a mass murderer. And we know Carpenter and Faulkner are following in her same line of work so, really, we're following antagonists aren't we?

And then my "Oh" came later with (not necessarily that Hayward scene specifically) but when I went "Oh. The Trawlerman's people are being persecuted by the authorities not because they're human-sacrificing cultists. But because they're the losing human-sacrificing cultists."

Because actually, the legal authorities, the politicians, the corporations, are all very much part of human-sacrificing religions. That part is allowed. These "backwards hick" gods are illegal and horrible, because their kind of human sacrifice is uncivilized. Unlike the civilized people's human sacrifice, which is allowed because the corporations and the institutions have okayed it :).

They do so much with it over the series.

Also I see you're only on episode 5 so actually I'm putting this part beneath a readmore since I checked and this is about episode 7

The episode with Paige recounting what happened to Vaughan is what drove it in for me, I think. It plays out line-for-line like a corporation going through lay-offs "These are tough times :(. We understand this is difficult for everyone leaving us today :(." but they are... just... allowed to kill these employees they're letting go in a ritual sacrifice. To a legal god. And Paige thinks surely they won't--surely good people won't do that--but they do, very much, kill Vaughan.

Money is tight and times are hard and ritualistic human sacrifice is, in fact, incredibly allowed... As long as you're one of the legal powers, doing it the correct way.

[xoxotaylynn]

let em' know

two years ago

I already got someone, is what you tell 'em every time That shit ain't up for grabs

I hated parties. but I only came because it was my friends graduation party. she was a year younger than me.

I was sitting around I didnt really talk to these people since they were in a different grade then me and I had already graduated. a random guy came up to me and started flirting with me.

"sorry im already seeing someone" I tell the kid. he looks defeated and walks away

4 months ago

"Chris I cant do this anymore!-" I shouted over the phone "either you're all in or all out!"

"why do you wanna talk to other guys?" he questions

"because Chris. Im twenty I wanna live my life a little" I respond

"you are living. you don't need a random guy to live your life." he argues

"but I need you?" I argue back

"ye-" he starts

"Chris either you're all in or all out. i'm not some toy you can play with. and im not gonna wait for you to come to Boston every time." I tell him

he hesitates "You said this shit would happen..."

I scoff "wow. fuck you Chris! you'll never find no one like me!" I hang up the phone

a few minutes later Nick calls me

"do you know why chris is acting like a bitch right now? hes being really disrespectful to me and Matt but won't say why" nick asks me

"I told him that im not gonna hookup with him anymore.." I tell Nick

"what? why?" nick asks. his brothers found out senior year when they read some messages on Chris' phone one day.

"because even though we arent exclusive he gets mad when I talk to other guys or do anything with a guy but won't let us be exclusive so im done he made the decision to be all out." I explain to Nick

"sounds like chris..sorry he's an asshole" I can hear him frowning

"its alright I'll live" I tell him

present day

"Nick guess what?!" I practically yell when he answers the phone

what??!! are you okay?" he asks worried

"im great! the date I went on? he was SO sweet!! and for the past few weeks we've been talking and I think he might ask me out soon!!" I excitedly tell Nick

"O.M.G thats amazing!! you go girl!!" he cheers me on

we talk for a few more minutes before he lets me go because he had to edit the triplets YouTube video

NICK POV

Chris walks into my room "who were you talking just now?" he asks

"oh just y/n, why?" I ask curiously

"because you were being loud as fuck" he pauses "what'd she say..?"

"umm nothing.." i avoid his eyes

"seemed exciting you were really loud" he pushed for an answer

"she's just been talk to this guy..things are going good.." I mumble

"how good?" he asks

"she thinks he's gonna ask her out soon.." I say quietly

"oh." i can tell he's jealous. probably mad too

he walks out without saying anything else

CHRIS POV

I was LIVID. how could she talk to another guy? like she's mine. well technically not but she is. before I could realize what I was doing I had booked a flight back to Boston for the next day. I pack a bag and the very next day I get an uber to the airport without telling anyone.

MATT POV

it was currently 10am and Chris still hasn't woken up, now thats not unusual for him but he wanted to go to the store today so I told him to be up and ready by 9:30am if he wants me to take him.

"Chris! wake up! its 10am!" I shout through his door. no response I roll my eyes and walk in. he's not in his bed? "Chris you in your bathroom?" I ask I look towards the bathroom but the doors wide open..where the fuck is Chris?

"nick!" I yell

"yeah?" he says as he walks into Chris' room "where's Chris?"

"I was gonna ask you that.."

"so neither of us know where Chris is?" he asks

"check find my iPhone for his location" I tell Nick. he does and gasps "what? where is he?" I ask

"in Boston.." Nick mutters

"what why?" I was VERY confused

"um y/n...is getting serious with this guy..Chris found out.." he mutters

"i'm gonna kill Chris. all this over a girl? like I love y/n we've known her for like ever but only Chris would do this dumb ass shit" I roll m eyes

"I know..i'm gonna call him.." nick walks to the living room

NICK POV

I call Chris and he answers "where the fuck are you?" I ask

"Boston." he replies

"why?" I push

"you know why." he sounds pissed

"she doesn't wanna talk to you." I tell him

"I don't fucking care." he has an attitude

"you don't need to have an attitude with me i'm trying to help" I tell him

"i'm sorry- I just..I cant lose her.." his voice softens

'go get your girl back.."

"I will" he pauses "I'll keep you updated"

"please do..and next time you chase after a girl let us know" I say mostly joking

"there wont be a next time.." Chris tells me

"why is that?" I ask

"because I only want her. no one else"

"Chris if you don't go to her house right now i'm flying to Boston and punching you" I warn him

"alright i'm going bye nick"

"bye Chris be safe" I hang up the phone

CHRIS POV

I uber to her apartment and I was freaking out the entire time. what if she doesn't listen to me? what if this is a waste of my time? what if she doesn't want me back? the uber arrives at her apartment and I get out my hands were sweating I wipe them on my jeans and walk into the apartment building and walk towards her door. I take a deep breath then knock. a minute or two later she answers the door her eyes widen "Chris.." she mutters "what are you doing here?"

"I needed to see you." I tell her

"why?" she asks

"you're talking to another guy?" I ask

"yeah.." she mumbles

"y/n.." I start

"no Chris you made your decision so i'm moving on"

"fuck my decision" I respond immediately

"you can't do this Chris. you cant try to rope me back in the second I move on"

"please y/n..I want all in.." I mutter

"Chris.."

"please" I frown

"promise me you're all in"

"I promise. I'm coming back for good, so let him know you're mine" I tell her

"so you're my boyfriend now?" she asks

"yes" I smile "and you're my girlfriend"

"good" she smiles

"can I kiss you?" I ask

"since when did you ask to kiss me"

"since I wanna do things right this time"

"you can kiss me" I lean in and kiss her. it starts off slow, it was magical.

"god I missed kissing you" I mumble against her lips

"shut up and keep kissing me" and I do, I could kiss her for hours. her lips felt like they molded perfectly against mine. and just like that I got the girl.

tays comments: HI GUYSS so I actually hate this but I wanted to post an actual story for y'all since its been a fat ass minute but I hope you like this one sorry theres no smut I felt like writing a little angst and fluff instead anywho I LOVE YOU GUYS ENJOY BYEEE

[nomadic-star]

can we all collectively agree that this video sucks so much ass

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Why The Ending Sucks

Ok I figured it out. Hear me out:

The entire comic has a running theme best summed up as "who is controlling the narrative, and why are we listening to them?"

Hussie plays a caricaturized version of himself that he describes as "buffoonish" and "oafish". Caricature!Hussie is well-meaning, but a dumb idiot who's incredibly biased in favor of certain characters and in disfavor of others (the most obvious example being his "love" of Vriska, but there's also the way he constantly disparages Eridan). As a result, you have to be VERY SKEPTICAL and VERY CAREFUL when approaching Homestuck's narration, because even when the "best" narrator is at the helm, he's not 100% trustworthy and incapable of giving the readers an unbiased view of the story.

I say "best" because, importantly, Hussie isn't the story's only narrator. He and Doc Scratch explicitly fight over control of the story - Doc Scratch, the child abusing predator who engineered Alternia's fascist murder society, whose shaping of its history is explicitly described by character!Hussie as "fanfic". He is then killed by Lord English, who is described by Hussie as embodying the "toxically masculine" and by extension, the patriarchy, and Caliborn explicitly takes control of the story. John even grapples with Caliborn's version of events, calling out how sexist and misogynistic and shitty it is.

So if we're keeping score: control over the narrative is LITERALLY wrested away from Hussie (who was already struggling to be unbiased) by fascists, abusers, and the patriarchy. It's stressed multiple times that Caliborn/LE are responsible for literally everything that ever happens; the reason the Game Over timeline ends the way that it does is because the alpha timeline is, in essence, the narrative LE is telling: the forces of fascism get to claim the new universe, thereby propogating itself, while friendship dies and all hope is lost.

Who's in control of the narrative, and why are we listening to them?

There are other minor examples of this, too: Aranea is an exposition fairy, and she's biased as fuck and wrong ALL THE TIME about her own teammates. Karkat's explanations and rationalizations are constantly tinged with his own self-loathing and self-blame. Sollux and Meulin are both prophets as per their Mage class, but are both so bogged down by their own emotional issues that the futures they pick out are actively harmful. So on and so on. At nearly every turn, you have to interrogate who's telling the story, what their motivations are, and what they're overlooking or deliberately obfuscating.

So given that this theme is so prevalent, and so thoroughly weighted toward "well, actually, maybe you shouldn't take narration at face value and should interrogate it and come to your own conclusions," it would be Really Weird for the story to go "actually, you can totally trust the narrative now because everyone gets a happy ending".

So, I know that it makes me sound like a conspiracy theorist, but here's my genuine take on Homestuck's ending:

The ending is shitty on purpose because the viewer is intended to take it as a dare to refute the narration and make something better.

Why are we letting character!Hussie tell the story? He's a biased idiot. Why are we letting the various avatars of LE and Caliborn tell the story? They're fascist, misogynistic, predatory assholes.

And - because Homestuck is a story about life - why are we letting idiots, assholes, abusers, and creeps dictate the story of real life? The world is full of forces that would try to take control of the story and make everyone else play along, represented in microcosm within the text of Homestuck. We cannot let those forces win.

So please go out and do something kind and hopeful and loving in the world today. Thanks for reading.

[cent-scratchnsniff]

here together

[luck-of-the-drawings]

oh the dread, oh the worry! you love your sister so much and you need to know shes okay. you trust her but you cant trust the world, and more than anything else you cant trust yourself

[bellamyblakru]

i will never understand how some people can actively shit on something they know someone loves and finds joy in right in front of them. how can you hate something that makes someone else happy in this absolutely fucked world in front of them.

its the passive aggression for no reason i will never ever understand or do to others. if you have a passion, fucking LIVE it. if nothing else, passion gets us through every shitty day, and i will always support it.

have passion in spite of those who hate.

[gopher-jade]

just watched the episode where naruto meets minato, and. idk if it's because i completely skipped the battle beforehand & therefore tense battle atmosphere or if i'm just older and more resentful now, but.

if i were an orphan who had no adult guardian most of my life and had to fight for respect, and then train my butt off to survive because my dad sealed a fucking wanted monster inside of me, and then said dead dad said "😀 i did it because i believe in you. you're my son after all. idk how you're going to solve the systemic problems of our world but i blindly believe in you because that's what parents ought to do". i think i would have puked and also aimed at his shoes.

[almond-tofu-chan]

chainsaw man makes you think its a sick action anime where a horny guy made of chainsaws murders a bunch of guys and gets a sorta fucked up found family along the way, but then you watch it and its actually about a 15 year old boy getting groomed and everybody hates everyone else but theyre mostly busy hating themselves and then everyone dies

[berryblu-soda]

Anyways update i just didnt bother to post earlier:

fr God is good and the whole car crash my parents got into last week was so incredibly mild in terms of injuries!!!! worst was a bruised knee im pretty sure

ALSO-

*taps mic* HUG YOUR FREAKING LOVED ONES OR SO HELP ME!!!!!!!

[thoughtpeek]

I'VE FINALLY FINISHED BROTHERSHIP IT WAS SOOOOO GOOD!!!!!!!