#but that passive sort of way he approaches the topic

[lu-is-not-ok]

Hello! Just wanted to say that I've been reading your posts and analyses for awhile now, and I really enjoy them! So, I also thought of sharing a sort of theory of mine, bc I'm very interested in hearing what you might think about it.

For starters, these lines from Jia Xichun are very intriguing:

«No amount of pain could wake it from... whatever this dazed state it's in. As you can see...»

«... it must've been long driven mad from pain. Reminds you of the tricks from back home that could induce such an effect, doesn't it? Big brother.»

For two reasons. 1. This is the first time (iirc) in the story where Hong Lu doesn't reply and stays silent and seemingly uneasy; 2. The fact that this "dazed state" as it is described actually kind of reminds of Hong Lu's usual behavior a bit?

To elaborate, after her lines the attention was drawn back to the Priest, and his face was described as "serene". And who's facial expression was also described in a similar manner, precisely, with a literal synonym? Of course, Hong Lu, during the TKT Intervallo:

«The culprit wasn't the only one who suddenly began to behave strangely. Hong Lu did, too.»

«His face relaxed into a tranquil look, as though he was ready to let something go.

... Or perhaps... that was an express of liberation.»

And also to mention how the Priest started reminiscing similarly to how Hong Lu tells stories about his family (but idk, I'm afraid I am starting to reach even harder for this😭)

All in all, my theory, if you can call it that, is that perhaps those "tricks from back home" where actually performed on Hong Lu. This could potentially explain his constant aloofness, his reaction to Xichun's words (she brought up some of his traumatic memories?), and why exactly he has one of the most deranged IDs — because he has already been long driven mad from pain.

I really hope I worded this well enough, and I don't know if I sound like a lunatic or if I actually cooked something when I was thinking abt this at 2 am. And well, I'm also probably not the first one to think of this. But anyways, still thought this is worth bringing up!

Well, I hope you enjoy the Xichun Sin Analysis I just posted earlier then! That being said, there is something interesting I want to bring up with regards to this theory you pose, as it's tangentially related to the bits you reference and also it's been sitting in my head for a while now.

First point - I definitely agree that when Xichun brings up the "tricks" that can leave people in a similar state to the Priest, it's something Hong Lu has experienced himself.

We see Hong Lu has a tendency to avoid topics that bother him at all cost, like how he actively tries to redirect conversations in Hell's Chicken when he's being questioned regarding what he thinks could lead him into Distorting and when he senses Meursault is about to verbally lay into him. It's a tactic he employs very often as a distraction from the weirder things he says.

Interestingly enough, I believe Canto 7 is the first time we see Hong Lu avoid topics not through redirection, but through shutting down. That interaction you brought up isn't the first time in the Canto that he's rendered speechless either. In part 1, he's shown to respond with silence when both Rodya and Sinclair comment on their dislike of Xichun, being seemingly uncomfortable with the way they're talking about her.

And then there's a scene even earlier on in Part 1 that left a really, really major impression on me. Which. I can talk about now!

This, I believe, is the first time in Canto 7 where we see Hong Lu properly shut down in response to something. Something about what Xichun has said made him completely stop what he was doing earlier. His entire approach to the conversation changes in this moment. Earlier on he was excitedly asking questions, trying to give advice and gather information, but after this moment, Hong Lu is rendered completely passive, his lines being reduced to only responding to Xichun is saying in a very... honestly weird way.

It's not obvious in the transcript by itself, but his tone is... odd, compared to the way he was speaking earlier. In addition to that, every expression Hong Lu has during this conversation after this point are ones that actively have him not looking at Xichun, either using his closed eyes sprite or looking to the side sprite.

This moment struck me very, very heavily the first time I got to it in my plathrough. Part of it is because of the weird unnatural shift Hong Lu's behavior takes in this moment that I wasn't even consciously noticing until a reread. The other part is that the exact words Xichun says to Hong Lu that triggers this are ones that reminded me of something very specific in Dream of the Red Chamber.

There is a chapter fairly early on in Hong Lu's source novel that I can only describe as Bao-yu being verbally and emotionally abused by his father for the entire chapter. His father takes Bao-yu along as he shows off his garden to his acquaintances, and every time Bao-yu speaks up, whether by being prompted to or on his own, his father chastises him excessively. I don't remember the exact words, but the framing is pretty clear about the fact that Bao-yu's father sees his son's behavior as being a source of embarassment to himself in front of his acquaintances.

The kind of abuse shown in that chapter is downright stomach-churning in how realistically it is potrayed. It's genuinely upsetting and one of the main reasons I was unable to continue reading much further past that point.

I don't think it's a coincidence that Project Moon decided the thing that made Hong Lu have a shift in his behavior was being told him being himself is a cause of embarassment for someone else in his family. ...And I think Xichun's immediate reaction shows she realizes what is happening as well. It's very telling she doesn't bring up Hong Lu 'not getting better since the last time they've met' until this moment.

Because I don't think the thing he hasn't gotten better from is his upbeat, naive attitude. I believe it's his trauma response he's exhibiting right here. To become passive, downright submissive, and simply take everything that's being dealt to him without objections.

...Which segues nicely into the second point! Because the 'serene daze' shown on the Priest? The tranquility and peace Hong Lu exhibits in TKT, which is outright called out as strange by Dante? I believe it's the exact same as the trauma response I highlighted earlier. It's the immediate instinct to just lay down and take the pain because trying to fight back would only prolong the suffering.

The line about that expression being potentially "an express of liberation" is very telling. On the one hand, this Canto only further cements the fact that Hong Lu is just as passively suicidal as Yi Sang was before going through Canto 4. On the other, it directly ties back to Hong Lu potentially believing that the less resistance he shows, the sooner he'll be freed from suffering.

I already briefly went insane over the following line in a seperate post, but it feels extremely important to bring it up in here as well.

This line. This. Fucking. Line. Directly creates parallels between Oblivion and Naivete, drawing parallels between Donqui/Sancho and Hong Lu. And it's not that hard to see why.

We see that Donqui/Sancho's choice to embrace Oblivion, to completely try and erase her former identity and fall into a dream is motivated by her wishing to escape her reality, to stop thinking about the bloodshed and violence.

This line, and what we see of how Hong Lu acts throughout this Canto, is making it clear that Hong Lu's naive attitude, his constant willingness to assume the best of everyone around him, is just another part of his trauma response I've pointed out earlier.

It's how he escapes the violence he's been subjected to, the reality he's been living in. After all, the explanation he gives for why he wasn't afraid when the Time Killer tried to kill him... is because he understands why people want to hurt him. He didn't fight back when his siblings tried to kill him, because he knew why they would want to do that.

Because he tries to assume the best of everyone, tries to understand the reasons they do what they do, tries to be naively innocent, he's able to accept the pain and let it happen. Because if he can't, if he's forced to face none of what was done to him was justified... Well...

...This is where I would like to jump off and go on a tangent about my own theory. You see, you bring up the story the Priest starts telling to compare it to how Hong Lu acts with his anecdotes, but I think there's something much deeper going on with that story. Look at how the Priest begins it.

It's very clear the story he's telling is him directly comparing someone among the Sinners to Lorenzo, the Bloodfiend he's talking about. Dante's narration doesn't specify who the Priest means, as they only mentioned that "He looked at us", but it's clear from his words that he means a Single Specific Person here.

On my initial readthrough I assumed this was about Donqui, as this is her Canto after all, but... I no longer believe that's the case. In fact, I believe that the Sinner being used as a parallel to Lorenzo here is Hong Lu.

Let me give my evidence first.

One - We know the Priest, even in his daze, still recognizes Donqui as Sancho. The way he ends off his story says as much.

It's clear from his words and his actions that he's actively blaming Sancho for what happened to Lorenzo, and what he believes has happened to Cassetti as well. This would align with the feelings all of the named Kindreds we mett express towards her. So, to me at least, it's clear that the Priest wouldn't compare Sancho to Lorenzo in a way he has here.

Two - The framing of the scene and what follows later puts a lot of focus on Hong Lu.

Hong Lu is extremely present during this scene. Not only is the Priest compelled to share the story right after we see Hong Lu shut down at what Xichun has said, but the CG that follows his story inexplicably includes Hong Lu in it, listening intently.

And not only that, but soon after the Priest is taken away and Sansón tells another story, we get the moment of Donqui telling Dante she thinks it's Hong Lu's turn in the Golden Bough horrors.

If this were a game made by anyone else, I would take this as a self-aware joke pointing fun at how much focus Hong Lu has gotten in a Canto that's not his and move on. But this isn't anyone else.

This is Project Moon, who have a very Notable Track Record of hiding extremely important reveals and foreshadowing in one-off lines during comedic moments, especially in Limbus. See Canto 2 and Hell's Chicken. I genuinely believe the reason this joke exists here is to draw our attention not only to the parallels between Donqui/Sancho and Hong Lu, but also to the moments where Hong Lu is already the focus.

Three - The phrasing the Priest uses to refer to whoever he's comparing to Lorenzo.

The way he addresses this person and the rest of the group is very interesting, as there's emphasis put on his choice of the word "friends" to describe them. This feels important, as earlier on, in Part 1, Hong Lu himself denies Xichun's assessment that the Sinners are his faction, deliberately calling them his friends. Just like here the Priest calls the people accompanying the one he's directing the story at their friends.

So... what does that all mean for Hong Lu to be directly compared to Lorenzo? Well, let's take a quick look at what Lorenzo's story is.

Lorenzo is initially described as a Bloodfiend filled with positivity, to the point that the Priest thinks he didn't have anything to actually confess for. We see him think the way he's able to eat so many hemobars in one sitting as impressive, seeming completely oblivious to the the fact it's a clear sign the hemobars do nothing for Bloodfiends nutritionally.

This attitude completely changes however after Lorenzo tastes blood for the first time. He completely loses himself to obsession, spending hours licking a syringe just to be able to taste it. He completely loses his hope in the hemobars, having the drastic realization they do nothing, and lamenting how much longer he has to keep on living like this.

The story ends with the Priest remarking that after that shift, the only time he had seen Lorenzo genuinely happy was when he was about to be buried alive, when his head and brain were already completely decimated to the point he should be dead.

This... is already a lot.

Lorenzo's initial attitude, his positivity and naive belief that the hemobars are good despite the evidence to the contrary, are extremely close to how Hong Lu is right now. Upbeat, oblivious, always assuming the best of others. Hong Lu's passively suicidal tendencies could also track to Lorenzo's ending, how it's clear that Hong Lu is extremely willing to accept his own death.

...And then there's the whole middle of that story. There's a lot of different things this could be foreshadowing for Hong Lu's arc, but one thing is clear - he's not going to stay his upbeat self forever.

Every hint we've had about Hong Lu thus far. The implication he knows there's something that could make him distort all the way back in Hell's Chicken. The way we're told this Canto that Hong Lu's eye is dimming right after he comments how Donqui's twinkling eyes show she's "lucid", or living completely detached from reality. And then this, him being directly compared to a story of a Bloodfiend who upon finally being hit with reality begins to spiral and completely lose all his hope.

It all points to the idea that Hong lu will be forced to face his reality. To understand that his hemobars do jack shit and always have, that perhaps his family have never truly cared for him. And that realization could very well be the thing that finally breaks him.

I mean, his IDs already point to it, no? After all, Fanghunt Lu, possibly the most violent and deranged Hong Lu ID released thus far, one released alongside this part mind you, is shown to be actively thinking about and doubting the nature of family. "What even is a real family, I wonder?"

I'm just saying, if there's any Sinner who deserves to go utterly apeshit in their Canto, it would be Hong Lu. Let. My guy. Break Everything.

[thewhumpcaretaker]

HENLLOO ✨️💖

I have this idea for some time, and it's something I wanna write one day, BUT I think you'd really like this idea bc it's hurt/comfort and Santino at the beach! I'm curious about your thoughts or if it's inspiring yk 👀

Santino having a wound, that's not fully healed, or not healed at all and he wants to go to the sea to feel that salt kinda "bite" his wound, he wants to feel that pain because he thinks he deserves it or whatever other reason.

John tried to talk him out of it just because he knew it would hurt, but then again, sea water could help the wound heal faster. So, John insists for Santino's own safety that he goes with him. And eventually Santino agrees. Of course it hurt and burned, it's salt on the wound and Santino maybe thought it would be easier but it hurt a lot.

Santino wants to make himself suffer even more 😞

AAAAAAAA this one cut DEEP for me!! Your asks are so good lately (well, always, but especially this one). It's so dark but honestly this is a topic that I love to write about and I think it says a lot about Santino and what he's going through. What a brutal scenario, Santino is really suffering. But John is there to make sure he's safe and build up his self-esteem, as always.

Also, as a note: the ocean is not recommended as a source of salt water to put on a wound even if it does help sometimes, because there's bacteria in the ocean! So don't try this at home.

🖤💙Salt in the Wound💙🖤

TW: self harm via salt water, attempted self harm via breaking and punching things, blaming himself for abuse, concerns over potential suicidal behavior (there is none actually attempted), Dead Dove Do Not Eat

“LEAVE ME ALONE!”

“I am not leaving you alone like this!”

The bedroom was wrecked in every way that wouldn’t be permanent. Pillows and blankets thrown around the room, the desk overturned, even the curtains torn down. John had stepped in to stop Santino from tearing up his own poetry, but he’d let him flip the chair and splinter its legs against the floor. And why was all of this happening? Because Santino had been punished by a High Table emissary. The Adjudicator and company had approached them in the middle of the Continental lobby, informed Santino that he had broken some inscrutable rule John didn’t even know about, and then slashed him across the gut in front of the whole room of people.

After the wound was patched up he had just sort of…gone quiet. It was obvious he blamed himself. He brooded all the rest of the day, until finally John pressed him about what was wrong and he exploded.

“Fuck off, John! Get your hands off of me!” He had Santino’s arms pinned behind his back so he wouldn’t punch the walls. Reluctantly, he let go, and just as he’d expected, Santino lunged towards the wall. John was too fast and put himself in front of Santino’s fist before he could make contact. Santino stopped short, flushing even harder at the frustration of having to restrain himself in that state.

“Get out of my way.”

“No.”

Santino stared at him for a long moment, his jaw set hatefully. Then he turned to walk out.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

Through clenched teeth, “The beach.”

Their home was only a short walk from the ocean, and in this mood, Santino could make it there in five minutes. Horrifying scenarios flashed through John’s mind, of Santino walking out into the ocean and never coming back. His heart did a sickening sort of drop. “Why?”

Santino whirled back to him with his chin in the air, the picture of passive aggression and mock innocence. “Salt water is good for healing wounds. You want me to take care of myself so badly? Fine. Maybe I want to go for a swim.”

“That will burn like hell.”

“GOOD. But it’s healthy, so you can’t stop me.”

John practically growled in frustration. He couldn’t argue with that. He just grabbed his coat. “I’m coming with you.”

“You’re not invited.”

“I don’t care. I’m going to make sure you don’t do anything stupid.”

Santino’s scowl softened for a fraction of a second, replaced by something miserable and touched. But then he just growled back, grabbed his swim trunks, and marched out the door without another word.

They were silent on the walk to the beach, with the sun sinking down against the waves in reds and oranges as fiery as Santino’s expression. John began to hope that he’d cool down by the time they got there, but he had no such luck. Santino stripped down immediately and threw his clothes in John’s face. He would have laughed at the pettiness of it if he didn’t know how much pain was raging inside of Santino right now. So he just caught them and folded them neatly over his arm so they wouldn’t get covered with sand. Then he crossed his arms and watched from the edge of the water.

With his shirt off, and then his dressing thrown to the ground as well, John could see the red blooming across the slash on Santino’s side. The wound wasn’t deep at all, but it looked awful. It was long – an arc from the top of his ribcage on the right side to below the navel on the left. And it was still bleeding.

Santino took a first step into the water and already flinched. The evening wind was picking up and it was ice cold. “Maybe you should do this tomorrow,” John suggested. “Like noon? When it’s warmer?”

The very idea of sparing himself any pain seemed to just make Santino even more furious. He only turned back long enough to glare at John and then suddenly dashed forward, until the waves were up to his stomach.

Based on the sound he made, it couldn’t have felt good. It was a kind of yelping scream that he bit off with a long stream of swearing in Italian. John frowned hard. He knew what that felt like – he’d been in the ocean after a job before, by necessity, and it stung something awful. But all he could do was watch helplessly. At least Santino was standing still now, and seemed to be reconsidering. He even took a few steps back until the cut was mostly above the water line again.

But irritation with his own weakness seemed to give him a second wind. He plunged back in, up to his chest this time, and screamed again. This time, John couldn’t tell if it was pain or frustration or self-hatred, because it gave out into sobbing. He was crying so badly that John was worried he was going to double over into the waves. “That’s enough. I’m coming out.” He kicked off his shoes and trousers, set down their things, and waded into the frigid water.

He wasn’t sure if Santino heard him or not, because he didn’t move at all until John’s arms were around him.

“Come on, love. Let’s go back to shore, yeah?”

“No. I-I deserve this.” Santino didn’t hug him back. He just stood there shivering terribly.

“Why?”

“Because I fucked up! They had to punish me. And I’m so angry, John. I’m so angry, and there’s nothing I can do. I can’t even be angry at them. I just have to play nice because I’m powerless and it’s all my fault.”

“No you don’t. You’re allowed to hate them. You don’t have to hate yourself.” He realized they weren’t just talking about The Adjudicator, but about everyone who had hurt Santino. Especially those who he didn’t couldn’t bring himself to hate. His own father. The water swirling around their bodies was deathly cold and John felt himself starting to shake too, but he ignored it and held Santino as close as he could.

For a second, Santino cried harder against him, but it seemed to bring some kind of cathartic release. Finally, he went calm and hugged John back. He seemed drained. “Okay. This hurts too fucking much anyway. Cazzo, I didn’t expect it to be this bad.” His heart was still racing against John’s chest, probably from sheer pain.

“Yeah…I’m not surprised. Let’s go get the salt out, I brought stuff to take care of it so it doesn't hurt as much on the walk home.”

So Santino allowed himself to be led back to shore. John wrapped him in a towel and poured a fresh water bottle over the cut to rinse it. That stung too, and he was already back to whining about the pain, but John didn’t mind. As long as Santino didn’t want to make himself suffer. He kissed him hard. “You didn’t deserve that.”

He melted into the kiss and stayed curled up against his lover, trying to regain some body heat, but he couldn’t bring himself to reply.

“You didn’t, Santino. They did this to you because they’re on a power trip. Because the whole organization runs by making people feel trapped and small, and it pisses me off.”

His answer was slow and very quiet. “Honestly…I don’t want that to be true. If that’s true, then I have to do something about it.”

“Yeah.” John wove his fingers through Santino’s curls and studied his face. He was so precious, so fierce, so full of life. A world in which a person like Santino could be hurt over and over again until he wanted to hurt himself too wasn’t one that John could stand for. “We have to do something about it.”

[darkangel1791]

Random Thoughts on The Falcon and The Winter Soldier:

I am aware that every line in every scene is there for dramatic and/or comedic purposes. So there's no need to point that out. It isn't that I didn't get the point or the joke. This is also nothing against Amy Aquino, who plays Dr. Raynor. This is just an opinion piece based on the reality that the show wants us to accept.

Trigger warnings for mental health and mental health treatment, and power dynamics.

From an actual standpoint of mental health and therapy, in 2024, Dr. Raynor is a terrible therapist.

So many reasons! Let's start with when she said to Bucky "The government wants to make sure you aren't gonna (mimes stabbing people)". A therapist, of all people, would always use their words! Always! Bucky communicates verbally, so the therapist must also. If she was afraid to say it to Bucky then she shouldn't have brought it up. Also, if she hasn't caught on yet that Bucky's major problem is that he was a killer and that haunts him, Bucky should have a different therapist. So she shouldn't have approached such a sensitive topic in such a flippant way. That would just make him shut down.

I think this plan about making a list and making amends with the 3 rules was something she put in place as part of his treatment plan. Doesn't seem like the sort of thing Bucky would come up with on his own, and I doubt that the government would condone him making contact with former Hydra members or families of his victims unless it was part of a sanctioned treatment plan, at least. That shows that as a therapist, she is results driven. If a results driven therapist asks if you're having nightmares, they will next want to know what you are doing to alleviate the problem. So Bucky most likely says no because he knows she doesn't actually care about the nightmares. They have probably already had that conversation once. When Sam asks the same question, Bucky says "All the time," without hesitation. Also, if she was any kind of a therapist, she would have asked enough questions to know that Bucky isn't having nightmares, he is having flashbacks, which is a different mental process.

"Give me your phone." No, absolutely not! That tramples on so many privacy boundaries, it is unreal! It is also a misuse of power, and the power dynamic, because what if he says no? She has the power to tell the government that he is a dangerous psychopath and get him locked away forever.

But, after invading his privacy in this way, she uses the information she gets to criticize and mock him? No. That is doubling down on the abuse of the power dynamic.

"What do you want now?"

"Peace."

"THAT IS UTTER BULLSHIT!"

Ummmmm, no. If a client is lying to the therapist, or to themselves, you deal with it in a completely different way. Yelling is never okay. Telling a person with mental health problems that you don't believe what they are saying, calling them a liar, is not treatment. She gives no context for why she thinks that is a lie, or why she thinks Bucky would lie to her. Or why she thinks that he would lie about that subject.

Finally, the notebook thing is absolutely passive aggressive. "You don't talk, I write." That is psychological manipulation. I can only imagine that whatever she writes is used in the weekly report she sends to the government. What if she writes that he is being uncooperative? The parole is revoked, he gets locked up. So she is putting him in a situation where he is forced to say something. But not about his true problems, nor will it be truthful information. We see that he lies to her when describing what he did to cross the most recent name off of the list. Which, of course he does! Along with that, step 3, being forced to identify yourself as the Winter Soldier and by name as who you are now, is incredibly dangerous and puts him in a very vulnerable position. That entire thing is completely out of whack with good, safe, mental health treatment.

I'm sure I have left things out, but this is long enough already. I'll do another post on the second session that we see.

Again ymmv, your mileage may vary. Meaning that these opinions are mine alone. They do not invalidate yours, or anyone else's who has written or spoken on the subject. No offense is meant. Your view of the subject is valid and I am not trying to negate that view by expressing my own.

In closing, when you first enter the office of a therapist, take pictures of, or write down, the information on the credentials they have displayed. If there are no credentials displayed, ask why and what their credentials are. If your therapist ever makes you feel threatened or ridiculed, don't go back! Ever! And report them to whatever organization their displayed licenses are from.

Dr. Raynor was a terrible therapist pt. 2

[blasphemecel]

Just One Fix by Death13 on AO3, Analysis (or something like that Idk how to name it otherwise, so let's call it that)(this fic has been written before kaiser backstory)

For your information, death13 is the username of blasphemecel on ao3. We all know who he is, a fanfic author.

So, Just One Fix is a one shot, which can be hard to read for some people in the sense that it approaches difficult and sensitive topics. That said, it is a fanfic which is really greatly presented and which will probably turn your life upside down.

The tone of the fanfic is quite shattering and peaceful at the same time, in the sense that it will make you feel a deep sadness by the way the characters are written and how they interact, but will make you feel calm at the same time, because the author manages to convey a strong message by means of balanced and harmonious writing that will just put you in a weird vibe of sentimentality. I wouldn't say serene because the topics discussed are there to shake things up, but it's a similar feeling, like you're put in some trance.

This fanfic can lead to educating, in a sense, people who do not live this. It also denounces, from my point of view, certain behaviors on the part of people who do not live it and certain situations that can be complicated to live during a hospitalization.

The author highlights the complexity of the relationship between Kaiser and YN through various sentences such as:

This part focus on two things that I find important and interesting: why they started hanging around each other, and what their coping mechanisms are. But also how they evolved as humans with more or less problems.

I think this is interesting how the author choose to represent them, first of all, Kaiser's representation as always is fire, but we will see that his character has more depth than just what we can see on this screenshot the more we advance in the story. Then, there's YN, he choose a complicated story with complex problems for this character, this just proves his value as a writer, to be able to portray such a difficult character.

They have copping mechanisms that are fundamentally different, one keeping things inside and dismissing everything and the other letting everything out. I find the nuance between these two characters fascinating and how he choose to make them interact during the rest of the story just break my heart because it is something that he portrayed a bit too realistically in my opinion. It is a relationship very strained and full of up and down, a bit (a lot) passive aggressive, where the characters keep having some sort of tense moments, like you genuinely ask yourself how it will end for them because the author just doesn't give anything away, mostly on YN part. We will see that on Kaiser part he's more open than YN throughout the story, which is comical since he's the one who usually keep everything in. It's actually captivating.

(I think i didnt express myself properly for the "Kaiser is more open than YN" but I don't know how to say it otherwise like... Kaiser doesnt express it verbally till the very end but through some actions and reactions that he struggles to hide.)

I'm not going to linger too much on Kaiser side because this has been written before his backstory. Though, for YN, at multiple times it has been implied that YN has suffered from abuse when being a child, with the "You were in the habit of crying over everything. There were loud noises, or god forbid someone screamed at you, and you'd cry. Someone touched you — especially an adult - and you'd burst out in tears." I would like to linger on the last part of this, "Someone touched you — especially an adult - and you'd burst out in tears." implying that there's been physical/sexual abuse. It's a complex situation that has been evoked, described, and represented with such a strong writing, all the way during the fic we follow YN copping the better they can with that, not necessarily with good ways but isn't it what happens when we are all alone and traumatized?

In this part, it's one of the few where we see the mutual trust and affection (and respect) between them. The fact that YN manages to be at ease, or something that comes close to it, to sleep beside him despite everything YN probably endured just proves my point. I liked that part, because it shows that even if their relationship is complex and with many many underlying, they still hold each other close to their heart.

Later on, during the last part of the fic, Kaiser mention something interesting before breaking down (<-something that he treated with levity just a few sentences before breaking down himself) “Forget loving me back, you don’t even believe me? You think I’m like every other monster in your life, trying to hurt and deceive you?” I find this side of Kaiser, more sensitive and emotional, interesting because it prove that he is still a human being behind all these walls, and how he considers YN despite his many indelicate attempts to help them that have been taken wrongly by YN (legitimately from YN I think, because it's a difficult situation to see someone you love fall into self-destruction more and more without being able to help, it often leads to maladroit actions and/or words, like we can see in many passages, so I think the way everything had been presented to us, adds layers of complexity and meaning behind YN strong reactions and Kaiser attempts to help!) I LOVE THEM BOTH SO MUCH :(

I would like to stop on this part too, just because the respect he holds for YN PLEASE? He takes EVERYTHING into consideration, and he's the one keeping everything in and turning everything as a joke or some sort as a copping mechanism? That's real literature, I like the fics with complex characters like that, when they are greatly written. In this fic, the balance of everything is good, like I said it's very realistic I think and I love it. The nuance between YN who doesn't want to be loved (<- cited by YN themselves) and Kaiser loving YN through so many different actions is so beautiful, it's art.

I like that part a lot, even if I found it hard to read at first glance. But with hindsight, it's actually, I think, the most interesting part to me, because we see how their behaviors push them away from each other, and how Kaiser regrets afterwards. (<-Something agreeably surprising from Kaiser) That's when we understand that really, there's so much more underlying than just a friendship by 'constraint' that just turned into a weird situationship if we could name it that. (Because let's remember that if they started hanging around each other it's firstly because they were rejected by the others.)

I like that part, it's actually YN making an effort almost superhuman for the sake of the peace between them both, after the moment where they both said they loved each other. I like this ending (this is not the last sentences but almost), and I like how the ED have been portrayed in theses last sentences:

Its immersive, the reader is really into the problematic and I liked it. I think this could easily explain to people who are uneducated on this topic how it is felt more or less from people suffering from ED. And raises awareness in them. I liked how you described it, Iliya. Thank you.

I would like to do also small parentheses on the part where it's in the hospital. You described that very correctly too, it's kind of hard for many people to be hospitalized and it results almost every time on bad experiences. I liked that you highlighted that too.

SORRY FOR THE MISTAKES BESTIE

HIIIIIII TWIN

FIRST OF ALL WOAWWWWW 😍😍😍 THIS IS FIRE

OK So wajt let me tell you since you wanted to know, I think you understood everytihing quite literally 100% correctly

I actualyl thought even at the time of writing that Kaiser had an abusive childhood too (but didn't include it bc we didnt know for sure at the time), so I imagine a lot of the attachmnt between them is based on experiencing the same things. But in this case Y/n ends up being the focus because Kaiser 'made it out' and they didnt

Also about the thing with y/n's past, you're correct it is implied that they're a CSA victim and a victim of physical abuse. I think in particular their behavior is really characteristic of someone with sexual trauma (even the ED which is the other big thing, can be a result of that + they also clearly suffer from hypersexuality and self-objectification which are also signs). For example the movie they're said to like, 'Mysterious Skin', one of the two main characters was a CSA victim too. You can also see during the tattoo artist scene, Kaiser tries to get in the way of the tattoo artist in trying to sleaze on Y/n I don't believe out of jealousy but because in that scene they've gotta both be like freshly 18 and an older dude's hitting on Y/n.

Also iirc in the hospital scene it says Y/n wasn't supposed to be getting any visitors because they thought they're family only and the thought of a family member visiting them made them panic, also implying that they're cut off from their family in some way, i.e. further insinuating a past of abuse.

You're right that it's difficult to talk or reach someone in such a position. A lot of the story is about Kaiser's troubles because he approaches it in a self-involved way that Y/n understands (or tries to pass off due to their not wanting to accept love) as him just feeling an obligation or a savior's fantasy towards them, even tho I think it's quite obvious from many of his actions that he genuinely cares. Also I think due to the self-destructive nature of Y/n's behavior it's easier for them to believe they aren't loved because then they can pretend no one is affected by their actions, also making them self-centered as well, along with Kaiser.

I do think they're in a situationship lol i had the wip tagged as childhood friends to fwb best freinds situationship LIKEEEE THEY ARE BOTH SO CRASY 😭😭 But anyways..

TYYYY FOR READING AND WRITING ME THIS !!!!! AND FINDING IT REALISTIC ALSO!!!!

If anyone is interested here is the link to the fic since it's not on tumblr

[heyheydidjaknow]

With the situation Venti has his darling in, how would he react if they got a vision? Considering it all, this is definitely a time and place to get 'noticed by the gods', although the irony of trying to use what is considered a gift of the gods to escape a god, an archon of all things. Sure, they may not have experience with a vision at all, much less experience to use it in an escape attempt. Still, if one is foolhardy enough to try to escape without one I assume the fire gets reignited with the appearance of a vision.

Although, that's only if Venti doesn't interfere first.

So. Here’s the thing. My understanding of the whole vision system is limited. I don’t know exactly what qualifies someone for a vision. I googled it and there has been discourse on this topic. I’m going to assume that Archons at least have some input.

I have a headcanon— I promise this is going somewhere— that Ei and Venti hate each other. Not in an active, “let’s go to war” sort of way, but in a very passive-aggressive, “try something I fucking dare you” kind of way. Venti dislikes Ei because she is the embodiment of why he doesn’t try to run his nation: she is a petulant, tyrannical ruler so obsessed with her problems that she doesn’t prioritize her people over her ego. Ei dislikes Venti because she considers him a self-righteous dick who’s managed to convince himself that his laziness is an example of his strong moral fiber and that he has no responsibility to rule his people. Venti gives her a hard time for her inability to rule justly when he doesn’t do anything, and Ei lectures him about his hands-off approach even though his nation wasn’t the one that got shut down because their ruler was too busy caught up in her own shit to do the job she put on herself.

Now, to my understanding, archons have some input on who gets a vision. Not a ton of input— Celestia has a lot more control than the archons— but some. If you were praying to her for whatever reason? If she found out about Venti’s hostage after all the shit he’s given her about how immoral it is to deny people freedom? If she finds out about this blatant hypocrisy? You couldn’t get an electro vision faster if you asked. And what’s Venti going to do? Take it? Kill any remnants of the spirit you’ve held onto? He couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do that.

It wouldn’t help you escape. You wouldn’t be able to do much with it. But for Venti to have that reminder of his hypocrisy on your person at all times, a reminder that he is no better than a childish, tyrannical ruler who did something so similar sure would suck, wouldn’t it?

[fangirleaconmigo]

Calling any transmasc people, or people who use he/they for any advice you are willing to share with an online fandom friend.

I’m a little worried to ask this because I know how awful people can be online. (Goes without saying that anyone who interacts with this for the purpose of being transphobic will be immediately blocked.)

But. I also feel bad asking online friends directly because it feels like putting them on the spot to do emotional labor for me on a topic that might be triggering.

So I’m putting this into the tumblr sphere and anyone who feels comfortable doing so can respond. Here it is.

I have two young transmasc people in my life. For one I’m their auntie (actually I think it’s cousin once removed) and for the other, soon to be sort of aunt in law… The important thing to know is that they are young people (adults but very young/starting college age) in my life and I love them. They are both creative, sweet, delightful, intelligent people who I enjoy spending time with and want to support.

Both of them have come out as transmasc publicly on fb and insta. One uses he/they pronouns and one uses he/him pronouns.

But it is complicated because I’m connected by similar age and/or familial connections to their parents, who have actively refused to accept this.

So here are my questions.

They have both said to misgender them in front of their parents. Both have parents who are helping support them through school and who they love, so they sort of just swallow the pain of it.

I feel like garbage misgendering them in front of their parents. Based on what they’ve said to me privately and on social media , I know this is painful for them. But I obviously I will do what they ask.

But it leaves me feeling like…how can I show them I care in other ways?

And when do I stop misgendering them? One is starting hormone therapy and planning for gender affirming surgery. And what about other non parent relatives? How do I refer to them to other parent-connected people? What about social media?

And for the person who uses he/they, his friends ALWAYS use “they”. I’ve never actually heard anyone use the ‘he’ bit. So, should I always use they? Should I assume this a preference? Or is it just tolerated? (He is extremely shy and quiet and I don’t know what is just done for purpose of going with the flow)

And (sorry this is ignorant but I don’t know) does transmasc with he/they pronouns still mean boy or man? Or is it non gendery? Does the “they” make things non binary? Or should I refer to them with masculine names?

I feel very ignorant but I don’t know how else to fix that besides asking.

If anyone has advice please let me know. Should I just ask? If so is there a better approach than just being blunt?

I just worry about just straight up asking either of them direct personal questions about their identity when they’re under so much pressure and so many of the questions I see them get are passive aggressive veiled insults. It’s nonstop! Even “supportive” people are usually asking questions to challenge them and then they go “what I’m just asking??” but it’s obviously gaslighting. And one is extremely quiet and shy and I just worry about adding to the bullshit they’re experiencing every day.

Anti-trans people on social media are always painting trans folks as so aggressive about their identities, but in real life, all I see are trans people constantly bending over backwards and apologizing for their existence and it hurts my heart when it is young people that I care about.

But I don’t really always know how to support in these complicated situations.

[hms-no-fun]

was it intentional making dave and kanayas changes reflect the names of the rejected/lost endgame ships? Dave is now davecat (ala davekat) as he loses karkat in the fallout of all this, and kanaya becomes Mary, the remaining half of Rosemary now that rose has died. was this intentional? And, further, assuming this wont be expounded on later in the fic due to its entirely meta nature, how do you feel the changes reflect their characters, with Dave INCORPORATING the phonetic match of davekat, and kanaya Explicitly Removing the rose? Or is all this just nonsense?

the davecat/davekat pun is intentional, and kanaya choosing "mary" out of rosemary is also intentional, but i hadn't actually thought much about how they mirror each other in their relationship to their relationships! dave doesn't think of himself as catdave of course, but the presence of that pun in the reader's mind certainly helps reinforce the fact that davekat didn't explicitly *break up.* actually you know what i'm gonna go on an extended tear about some dualism because i want to, regardless of how on topic it is

i've said before that i wanted godfeels kanaya in 3.2 onwards to echo kanaya in homestuck^2. in hs2, her divorce fever manifests through the adoption of a nun's attire and a distant longing for her wife. kind of a "when will my beloved return from the war" type thing.

i remember folks having a problem with that interpretation of kanaya being passive in a ooc way? but i think it's notable we never got far enough to see her in action, and let's remember that she's still ON the ship headed to deltritus, to rescue rose and kick dirk's ass. so you know. it's hard not to be passive when you're stuck on a ship waiting to arrive at plot

(which is a criticism of hs2 i appreciate, even if i don't entirely agree for a number of reasons we definitely don't have time for)

so anyway, the thing about hs2 kanaya is that her wife disappeared without talking to her. it's not just that she's separated from her wife, fundamentally there's a betrayal involved-- which the characters (and thus the readers) sublimate into anger at dirk for having manipulated and controlled rose into going down that path in the epilogues... but i think it's genuinely up for debate whether or not rose was, in fact, altogether 100% mind-controlled by dirk. is she really under his thrall, or is she playing into the role because it's better than dying of existential migraine? or because she's bored of her life on earth c and wants to spice things up in the bedroom with reaaaaaaaaaally extended foreplay? rose has always been a melodramatic bitch after all, that's what everyone forgets loves about her!

[relitigating long dead fandom discourse voice] just because rosemary means a lot to you as Queer Representation doesn't change the fact that gay people also suck! like they literally got married at age 16, have some fucking perspective

of course to my mind it's even an open question whether rosemary divorce fever in hs2 was straight up an agreed-upon longform romantic roleplay. i mean what better way to larp your femknight in shining nunarmor ravishing you romantically from the clutches of the weeaboo dragon fantasy than Literally Making It Happen In Real Life? you see i liked hs2 precisely because it had an ambiguity of purpose in its characters that lent itself to all sorts of juicy interpretations. yeah they probably plodded around in that a bit too long, but let's not pretend that the fandom ever approached hs2 with even a sliver of patience or good faith to see its ideas through to the end

u h h h h h h h wait what the fuck was i

so anyway mary in godfeels is similarly betrayed, but in a very different way. the question of why rose didn't bother letting kanaya in on any of the things she knew is wrapped tight in barbed wire. contemplating it is an unavoidable act of self-harm. it's a question that can't be answered, but will linger forever. mary has to wonder if killing her wife was truly necessary, if there was another option, if rose's visions were truly infallible... or if rose just couldn't think of a better way to end things between them. those are just a few of the many questions that can haunt you when a loved one dies unexpectedly

so mary is a post-rose kanaya who has to choose between obsessing over the loss of her wife or moving on into a completely new existence. now then, on the flipside of that you've got dave, who doesn't have that same dividing line between his First Real Relationship and the rest of his life. he says to himself "karkat will wait for me," and so presumably intends to find his way back to earth c sooner or later. but he also has to live in the present, deal with his own shit, continuing to grow and change in unknowable ways. so where mary has to accept that it's okay to become a person her wife would not recognize, dave has to confront whether he can live with himself if he becomes someone that karkat won't recognize. he has to interrogate whether or not his boyfriend's unconditional love will remain unconditional as the two of them grow and change apart from one another.

so yeah, there's some juicy dramatic resonance in the davecat & mary puns. which, you know, will almost certainly have no intersection with june's situation or dana's situation or lenore's situation hahaha

[krem-does-stuff]

World's dumbest spymaster (part 2)

Azriel/Eris

Summary:  The way in which Azriel’s family learns about his relationship with Eris is not exactly the way he envisioned it.

Word count: 2795

Warnings: none

Part 1

Read on AO3

When Azriel arrives in front of the Cabin with Eris by his side, Rhys and Cassian are already outside and their slightly snowy clothes suggest that they have started the warm-up early. Rhys levels him with an indescribable look and Azriel suddenly regrets that he didn’t choose to avoid the confrontation for a little longer.  

Heart in his throat he looks at Eris trying to discern what he's thinking but Eris is as composed and nonchalant as possible. His face is a perfect picture of relaxed confidence, shoulders straight but not stiff, chin up, eyes on the enemies. Well, probably not enemies anymore, they are a family now, right?

The thought makes him feel a bit hysterical so he abandons it for the time being.

His hand itches to grab Eris's shoulder and pull him close so he balls it forcefully and tries to compose himself. Cat's out of the bag now, it's too late to be nervous, the only thing he can do is own it.

Actually he would very much prefer to really own it, for example by taking Eris hand in his own or kissing him in the cheek or brow or just do anything, really, to show them all that he's not embarrassed. He's not ashamed of his relationship with Eris. He's not ashamed of Eris.

But he's not doing anything of the sorts in fear that this public display of affection would be unwelcome by Eris. Even in Autumn, when absolutely nobody would dare to threaten the High Lord if their relationship goes viral, Eris is very careful with maintaining appearances. He doesn't exactly hide Azriel, but he's not hugging him in courtiers' presence either.

The thought that Eris might pull away from his kiss or take his hand back now, in front of Rhys and Cassian, is unfathomably painful so he just stands there, ramrod straight, not touching Eris at all and waits for the hellfire.

"You look like you arrived at your own execution," Rhysand says and Azriel is not entirely sure if his tone is teasing in a nice way or more hostile way, the way that ends with him banished forever.

"Did I?"

"Execution by snow won't be easy but we can surely try." Cassian is already bouncing a snowball in his hand, the look in his eyes as amused as in Eris's room before. Pity that Rhys isn't sharing this sentiment.

Azriel can read people, he can read people really well, okay? But Rhys's face is purposefully closed and guarded and Azriel cannot say if he’s pissed, or disappointed, or sad, or one step from telling him to go fuck himself to Autumn and don't come back. Certainly he isn't vomiting rainbows and sunshine right now. Cassian's easy approach to the topic made him assume that all the inner circle is fine with the news. He assumed wrong.

"Can you just be out with it?" He snaps and Rhysand raises one eyebrow, the first sign of emotion on his passive face.

"Out with what?"

"With whatever you are hiding behind this mask of indifference right now. Are you angry with me?"

"I'm certainly not happy that my spymaster has been keeping secrets from me."

"Apparently I haven't since you already knew about it."

"I didn't know, I guessed. Cassian only confirmed it twenty minutes ago. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's not the spy report, it's my personal life. I'm not obliged to tell my High Lord about my relationships."

"I thought I was your brother as well."

The implication that Rhys is the victim here doesn't sit well with Azriel. It sits extremely unwell. He does feel guilty but it's not like he was choking himself with this secret without a good fucking reason.

"You threw a fit when I wanted to pursue Elain. Was I to believe that you will pat my back when I tell you I'm in love with another High Lord?"

There it is. The L world just spilled out of him and he's so fucking angry at himself that he said it now, that it wasn't during private conversation when Eris learned about Azriel's hopeless little feelings.

He must admit though that he doesn't remember Rhys being so bewildered in the last decade and it gives him a little rush of satisfaction. His High Lord probably didn't anticipate any declarations of love on this fine day. How could he when even Azriel didn't anticipate it and it was his traitor mouth that got the best of him.

Cassian is stunned into silence as well but in his case it's not an exactly unusual occurrence. Cassian is sometimes stunned by a particularly appetizing cake. Probably none of them realized how deep Azriel's feelings for Eris go.

Idea of looking at Eris right now fills him with dread but he has to, the alternative of not knowing Eris's reaction to this confession is much much worse, so he dares to look. Numb relief washes over him as he sees that Eris doesn't seem to be angry or shocked or prone to any mocking. There's warmth in his amber eyes and the same warmth fills Azriel's heart to the brim.

He already feels like he threw himself off the cliff and doesn't have anything to risk anymore so he finally lets himself take Eris' hand into his own. Time seems to stretch and his heart thunders in anticipation, half expecting to be rejected, to be considered pathetic and weak, but Eris only squeezes his hand ever so gently.

The gesture feels monumental. It's earth shattering.

"So what, you forgot Elain and found the next most problematic person in Prythian?" Rhys's words interrupt Azriel's epiphany and his mood goes from elated to seething with anger in a nanosecond.

"Yes. That's the only thing I was thinking about when going into this relationship: you and how it will affect you."

"I'm sure you are aware that your choice of partner is not easy to navigate politically."

"You really think I didn't agonize about it for the last few months? But you know what conclusion I reached? I don't care. I'm sorry Rhys. I'm happy. For the first time in gods know how long I am really, truly happy. I won't give that up." The work he had to put into not letting his voice crack at the last sentence is immense but he's relatively sure he managed it.

"I'm not asking you to." Rhys's tone is suddenly much more gentle and now it is Azriel's turn to be stunned.

"Then what are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say that I'm disappointed you thought you couldn't trust us with it. It's a very different situation than with Elain. She is mated to someone else.”

Azriel feels a miniscule twitch of Eris's hand and he wishes desperately for Rhysand to stop bringing up Elain. He wishes for himself to go back in time and kick his own ass for the mere idea of mentioning her. What the fuck was he thinking? He doesn't want Eris to feel like he's the second choice. It couldn't be further from the truth but it's probably not the best moment to assure Eris about that.

"I’m not trying to forbid you from having a relationship or being happy,” Rhys continues, oblivious to Azriel's inner turmoil. “It's a political nightmare but I'm sure we can think of something that works for everyone."

"You are not going to fire me from being your spymaster?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Of course not."

“Then I won’t”.

All the fight he had stored inside suddenly leaves him and Azriel feels exhausted and adrift in his own overloaded mind that tries to shut itself to limit the stimuli. Eris’s hand is the only thing tethering him to reality.

Rhys is not going to banish him or punish him. He’s visibly not ecstatic about Eris but he’s not unkind either. He offered to try and make it work and it’s enough. Actually it's everything. It’s everything Azriel was hoping for - to be given a chance.

Some sincere congratulations and best wishes wouldn't be unwelcome either but let’s not push it.

He’s suddenly aware that Eris hasn't said even one word during all this exchange. His presence is steady and comforting but the silence seems uncharacteristic for someone who can decimate people with his charisma. Is he uncomfortable to stand here in front of Azriel’s brothers, while their relationship is being poked at with a stick like a dead carcass?  

"Is that your idea of a snowball fight? Standing and looking menacingly at each other?" Lucien materializes out of nowhere, like he suddenly sprang from the box at the slightest mention of his mate.

“Yes, as you can see we are changing the formula this year,” Cassian snorts, throwing the snowball in his hand higher and higher, like he’s itching to put it in someone's face.

Lucien eyes the bouncing snowball warily for a moment and then his gaze goes to Azriel's and Eris's clasped hands. He doesn't seem surprised even one bit and a gnawing suspicion bites Azriel in the ass.

"You knew as well?"

Does everyone fucking knew? When Cassian said ‘the whole inner circle’ Azriel somehow didn’t think that it meant they were discussing his private life with Lucien as well.

"Yes. Well, ah-" Lucien is wincing in Eris's direction and Azriel turns to his lover trying not to stare accusingly.

"You told him?" It comes out extremely accusing.

"Yes.” Eris shrugs unapologetically. “It's not like Lucien would judge us."

"I honestly couldn't care less about who you fuck." Lucien is quick to assure.

Azriel can only stare and stare and stare. He didn’t anticipate the blow coming from this direction.

"Who else did you tell?”

Now, finally, Eris is starting to look a bit guilty.

"I might have told my mother as well."

"You told your mother?"

Eris's eyes become even more shifty and now Azriel is sure they’ve only scratched the surface.

"Who else?" he asks with a sense of impending doom.

"All my other brothers. And my second in command. And my stableboy, he’s a really nosey bastard. And judging by his comments I'm sure my mom informed Helion by now but that's not on me."

The only thing Azriel is capable of doing now is gaping. Eris just went and told half of his fucking court, didn't he?

"You spend a lot of time in Autumn, what was I supposed to tell them? That we are playing chess? Some of them are dumb, but not that dumb."

No. Apparently no one is as dumb as Azriel. He might be the dumbest spymaster ever. He was the only person still thinking that their relationship was a secret, when everyone in Azriel's and Eris's families and probably dozens of other fae talked about it freely with each other during their morning tea.

How are you Helion? Do you know that Azriel is fucking Eris? Oh sure, even my handmaiden knows, yesterday I heard people talking about it at the market…

"I'm not ashamed of you." Eris’s voice is suddenly very serious and something grips Azriel’s heart painfully at the implication that Azriel might be.

"I'm not ashamed of you as well," he says quickly but it doesn't erase this suffocating feeling of guilt. He didn’t exactly behave like someone who is not ashamed. Did Eris feel like he was some dirty secret, worthy only of sweeping under the carpet?

“That’s all very sweet but the snow is going to melt if we will stand here for one fucking minute longer.” Cassian looks like he reached the end of his patience so Azriel packs all his feelings in his pocket and dutifully starts rubbing snow in Cassian’s face. He will talk to Eris later. He will apologize and grovel and do other things to prove that he really cares, that he’s proud and not embarrassed at all. Right now there's a snowball fight to win.

They do manage to have fun in the end. After Rhysand alleviates all his hurt feelings by bombarding Azriel with snowballs, that’s it. Throwing each other face-down in the piles of snow seems to marvelously dissipate all the tensions.

Azriel assumed, again very wrongly, that the fight will be easier to win while having an obvious ally in the field. Eris turned out to be much more of a distraction than anything else though, with his hair mussed, cheeks pink from the frost, snowflakes on his eyelashes. Azriel stopped counting times when he got hit while staring at his lover sometime after twenty.

Usually he would be much more disgruntled to lose a fight but this time he just cannot find the will to care. Not when he gets to sit in the Cabin's huge bathtub, soaking in the hot water, while having naked Eris relaxing between his thighs and leaning on his chest. They did give up on the birchin in favor of this and he cannot possibly be more pleased and satisfied.

“I seem to recall you bragging about usually winning the snowball fight.” Azriel’s satisfaction seems to ebb away a little with Eris’s quip.

“You were distracting me.”

“I did nothing of the sort.”

“You very much did.”

“Care to say what exactly I did?”

“You were looking pretty.”

Eris snorts and lets his head fall back to Azriel’s shoulder and Azriel distracts himself by stroking Eris’s wet hair out of his forehead and feeling blissful about the fact that he can.

"My mother wants to meet you, you know. She's still a bit nonplussed about this whole strangling me at the High Lords meeting so you will probably have to say that you're sorry but other than that she's overjoyed that you are making me happy."

"Am I?"

"Didn't you notice that as well?"

This reminds Azriel just how dumb he is when it comes to things pertaining to relationships. He probably should have just talked with Rhys at the beginning of things and spared himself months of torment and Eris months of thinking that somebody is ashamed of him.

“I’m not ashamed of you,” he tries again, though he very much doubts that the damage can be reversed just as easily.

"I never thought you were. And just so you know, I love you too."

The words make Azriel much warmer than the hottest bathwater ever could and he closes his arms around Eris’s shoulders a little tighter.

"I'm sorry I said it first in front of everyone".

"I don't mind. I'm sorry that I told everybody about our relationship and didn't inform you.”

“Why didn't you?”

“You didn't seem to be ready. I didn't want to force you or rush you into anything but I had to talk with someone or I would go crazy. And maybe, just maybe, I wanted to brag to everyone interested that I managed to snatch the great Night Court’s Shadowsinger for myself.”  

Azriel hides his snort in Eris’s hair.

"The great Night Court’s Shadowsinger is all yours.”

“Good.”

Good. Yes, that’s the word, it’s all good now. Azriel finally feels truly peaceful and truly relaxed, without the stress of hiding this relationship constantly gnawing at his consciousness. He could very well stay here forever, closed in a small, cozy space with Eris in his arms, a little tired after physical workout, but not tired enough not to start something more. They are both already naked after all, it seems like a wasted opportunity not to utilize it.

“How awkward do you think it is for Lucien to sit there with your brothers, naked?” Eris asks and promptly shuts all of Azriel’s thoughts about physical intimacy.

“It's very concerning that you keep circling back to this subject.”

“You will have to take me there some year, to alleviate my curiosity.”

“Over my dead body.”

He will sooner level the birchin with the ground. All the birchins in the Night Court in fact.

“What exactly do you think will happen when your brothers see my naked body? They are both mated. To females.”

“Yeah and I don't recall them showing their naked partners all around just because they are already mated.”

“Are you sure? Because I remember Feyre being practically naked the last time you officially visited the Court of Nightmares.”

The idea of Eris ogling Feyre's almost bared body is raising all his hackles all at once. It’s almost as bad as the cursed topic of his naked brothers.

“What are you trying to achieve with this discussion?” Azriel asks darkly.

Eris raises his proud chin with studied nonchalance and smiles serenely.

“I’m trying to get you mad with jealousy so you will fuck me in this bathtub.”

Azriel doesn't have to be told twice.

[daz4i]

your last line in the theory ask got me thinking (the "why else are we following his story like this?")

do you think there's a reason atsushi, the protagonist, is kept so passive (until recently, someone was pretty much always there to help/save him in different ways), and dazai, arguably a secondary protagonist, is kept at the center?

a theory i saw is that atsushi being in the spotlight/not in the spotlight aligns with when the book is in the spotlight/not in the spotlight, and he'll be the center piece to actually locating the book

it's always fascinated me how we're repeatedly being Told he's the protagonist, but very rarely shown it past the first chapters/first season of the anime. it's a relationship between story and protagonist i've not really seen anywhere else.

OH THIS IS SO INTERESTING TBH

so. i have a few thoughts abt this lemme number them bc it's just easier for me to organize them this way hehe

1. oooooooh love that theory abt atsushi being more in the spotlight for locating the book (and after it will be found i assume :?). it does make sense! but then it's still strange just how long it took to get there, given we're over 100 chapters, technically 5 seasons of the anime, and multiple light novels into the story and not there yet. i wonder if the story/its formatting will change to accommodate that somehow :0

2. this is more abt the last part of your ask, and this concept in general! i think something that changes bsd and the context and role of atsushi in it is to see him more as a narrator (albeit an active one) rather than the actual main character whom the story is about, like. i wanna say nick in the great gatsby (<- hasn't actually read it so don't take my word on that one specifically, but like. it's been done before is what i wanna say! just mainly in books. but that does work with bsd at the end of the day! if any manga would mimic the style of books it'd be bsd hehe), and then the main character is dazai

this does align with the light novels more, imo. while he's not the main character of most of them, he is definitely present and moving the story along, same as he is in the main story. despite that, we never see his thoughts or read anything from his pov (i've seen people describe him as "a force" bc of that before, which is interesting, but i find it sort of... dehumanizing? and therefore kinda missing the point of his arc, imo). reading bsd with this thought in mind - that the main character is actually dazai - changes the context of things a lot

[ok this next part is a very crackheaded theory on why that may be that i wrote with the expectation to later add another theory. and then i couldn't come up with another theory to fit the topic i was talking about. so i'm just gonna make it indented and if the grammar/syntax(?) doesn't make a lot of sense. this is why. sorry]

it might've been done as a vague sort of homage to no longer human and the way it's written - the novel opens and closes with the pov of another character, who found yozo's journals years after he wrote them, likely after his death too. right from the start, our view of yozo can be distorted by the way he's described by this unnamed character. in a way, they are the narrator of his story. yes, we read most of it from his own pov, but we step in and out of it through an external view of him. the way we approach him, and the way we leave him, is affected both by the "narrator" and the inn owner who knew him in his life.

if we consider dazai to be the main character of bsd, it's not that out of the question that elements of no longer human will affect it beyond dazai's character alone, and that it might slip into the meta level as well. we view dazai from an outsider's perspective - not just atsushi's, but in the light novels as well - like we technically do with yozo.

it is a bit of a stretch lol i don't know if i actually fully believe that, but it's interesting to think about it that way imo :3

3. it puts a bigger focus on the generational trauma theme of bsd. the story was dazai's, and we're just watching as atsushi "inherits" it. so the light novels describe the background of our current story - the past generation, in a sense - and the manga is the new generation, building upon what's laid out already. but, like in real life, non-metaphorical generations, just because there's a new one doesn't mean the previous gen is dead yet. you can view it as dazai being like a father and atsushi as a son, in a way. just because somehow has a kid doesn't mean their life or their own stories stop, so we get to see it. and since atsushi is like a metaphorical kid, he can't do that much yet, and still has to learn how the world works before he can

yeah i have no idea if that makes sense or if that analogy is clear or not askdjfglkh i'm sorry. this post also ended up being more messy than i thought. hope you enjoyed it anyway tho!

[todayisafridaynight]

Of course! I'm glad my Unmitigated Braindumping has given you more opportunities to talk about them at length I never know where to start myself, so I'm very thankful for the jumping-off point that first post provided (and that many of your posts provide!) This has been a wonderful experience. (Also, uh, since these "bookends" work for more personal stuff--I am No Longer Sick and I'm happy to hear you seem to be doing a bit better!)

Reading it over, I figure the event transcript itself is okay to share, so here it is on my test wiki! It's, well, it's about the same length as this ask will probably end up, and it's a "sequel" to his first event. A thing I really like about Mine's RGGO content is that It's All Connected; the narratives continue to build upon each other to this day. That's not the case for almost any other character.

And totally! With Mine in specific, I feel there's enough reductiveness on "both sides" regarding his sexuality and regarding Daigo that trying to put forward any particular stance would be detrimental on top of the reasons we've discussed. It's probably a bit weird to say this about a fictional character, but Mine's a whole person independent of the men in his life, y'know?

I actually fell for the red herring with Katase myself until the Kanda scene we talk about below haha, so I guess that's fair enough on your friend's part. Definitely the case that the ending makes it clear that's not how it is, though.

Mine's interactions with women are always fascinating to me, especially in contrast to Kanda as you mentioned, but also in contrast to the main series protagonists. Just the way he immediately drops everything to help the woman Kanda attempts to assault when he and Kanda first meet almost on instinct says a lot to me when almost every protagonist occasionally acts like it's an inconvenience to Them to intervene.

I'd say a lot of it comes from growth on the writers' parts in terms of understanding that, hey, being totally complacent in Kanda's actions is scummy. So I appreciate that Mine is by far the one who does the most to minimize Kanda's harm (up to and including having him killed, of course, but also getting him arrested in that event as well as physically stopping him--and apparently dozens of others, since every woman who picks him up in that event is apparently a woman he saved lmao.)

I feel like Mine, when mentally stable, has this almost "chivalrous" quality to him. I'm kind of reminded of Hijikata as well in that they both insist on calling every younger woman they meet "miss"; it's a little old-fashioned, perhaps condescending, but still kind of cute (biased though lol, the ratios on those three things may vary.) There's a lot I want to talk about on this topic with regard to Hijikata, the historical account, and other "definitive" Shinsengumi media, but I'll probably save that for another ask.

But on Mine and relationships, there's so much to unpack there! The old joke is absolutely applicable. And because he was talking about how he's "never 'picked anyone up' in his life" in that event, agreeing to all these "dates" but never enthusiastically (I think the one and only time he didn't seem actively unhappy was in the finale to the accompanying card's character story), I do wonder to what degree his passivity would play a role in other romantic encounters. Agreeing to whatever those women wanted whether he really wanted it himself.

Rewinding to Katase a bit, while that was obviously not romantic, I think the interaction in the finale could perhaps provide insight as to a problem he may face in romantic relationships. Which is his refusal (or inability) to be emotionally honest while sort of expecting the other party to be perfectly attuned to his emotions.

Because like, I don't think Katase /didn't/ care about him whatsoever, I think she just took his "I'm fine"(s) at face-value and took a "business as usual" approach without realizing how much that would upset him in his current state. I would be mortified in her position if I called up my boss on an urgent matter and he said he was "fine" and then just completely stopped responding before hanging up lol, especially upon learning he committed suicide shortly thereafter.

But that interaction is (or appears to be) something he emotionally experienced as a "betrayal" despite being totally unintentional, so I have to wonder how much of a pattern it is in his life; he's been concealing his real problems and saying he was """fine""" since he was a kid, after all. I obviously can't say anything conclusive, but it "feels like" there's something there with the way he sort of lumped in the women he's been with with his coworkers when talking about how "they'll all abandon ship sooner or later" or whatever.

Like, I don't doubt that some (or perhaps many) women would like him for shallow reasons, but all of them…? Hm. Not Sure. That said, there's definitely an argument to be made he was seeing hostesses and sex workers (seeing him talk to a hostess is one of my top 10 reasons for wanting him to be a protagonist at some point tbh), but I guess there's also an argument to made that those types of relationships are overtly "fake" and "paid-for" and so wouldn't appeal to him? I wish we actually got to see some of that when Kanda took him to cabaret clubs.

And hey, you're totally right about Aoki's secretary! That was something that stood out to me as well. Her screen-time is roughly comparable to Katase iirc, so it's puzzling. Jo's leftover files really are such an enigma, because everyone's got unused voice lines and stuff (and they're still interesting to listen through for "another dimension" to the characters you don't get to see in-game), but there's so much that's Unique to him. I can only hope some of those ideas are explored elsewhere.

Kanda's insult is a lot of fun to examine for the exact reasons you mentioned, because on the surface and in a literal sense, the translation is "off the mark"--but is it? I'm not sure how much crossover there is between cultures in this regard, but I know when I came out as bisexual to my family, there were a lot of accusations thrown around that I'd become "too Westernized." It's definitely something I'd like to ask native speakers about if I can get over the embarrassment; perhaps if that's no help, one of my books or papers on LGBT issues in Japan might have an answer.

I'm definitely under the impression that both localization teams understood Mine wasn't straight. I might be a little bit biased with regard to the original, since, like I said, that was actually the scene I began to "suspect" Mine was gay lmao. But there was an effort to maintain accuracy in the finale even if the wording is superseded by Y3R's intensity. In that respect I kind of wonder about the reason for the change, because it addresses the homophobia but not the inaccuracy.

Right! I do give Mine some credit for attempting to be cautious with Kanda and Daigo, of course. It does seem like his misanthropy (or his tendency to spiral into it when things go wrong, anyway) has a lot to do with his guardedness. And he definitely does have a tendency to look to the future to the detriment of his ability to consider the present (or even that the future might not turn out exactly as he predicts). "The pinnacle of hindsight bias" is the perfect way to put it.

I think that's very much evident in how much of his mental state hinges on things he takes for granted. He'll finally be happy now that he has Daigo to dedicate his life to, because of course Daigo will be around forever (spoilers: he won't.) He'll finally be happy now that he can take over the Tojo, because of course the Tojo will both accept him without a fuss and be around forever (spoilers: it won't).

But I very much agree this is exactly the sort of thing that makes him such a captivating and relatable character! It's been a lot of fun exploring that side of him with you, just as it's been a lot of fun exploring the Arakawas. Of course, I would also be interested in your take on Arakawa and femininity whenever you're feeling up to it.

It was no trouble, thank you so much for taking the time to watch my recommendations! Also gave me the push to get started on Hero with a friend and am excited to see how much that changes my perception of the special! Tsugaru's very much got things going on and I'm excited for the rewatch. Eventually! I honestly have no idea where I stopped watching Pure haha, but I recall wondering if her dependence on her family would just end up being transferred onto Toru, so I'm glad that's not the case at least.

I really appreciate the vote of confidence regarding examining the localization further! That means a lot to me. I think it was especially worth emphasizing Jo and Ikumi's youth because both dubs make the somewhat odd choice to have Jo voiced by the same actor (whereas teen Arakawa is given a different actor), and the model doesn't really have the same wide-eyed innocence Tsutsumi did when he was younger.

I did notice Tsutsumi's performance was much more animated than for Jo as an adult though, and it was a lot more "obvious" when he was saying things he didn't mean, so I appreciate the effort to make up for it in terms of Tsutsumi's acting and probably-Yokoyama's direction.

It's probably hard to believe these days haha, but if anything, people were significantly more vicious towards Arakawa than towards Jo at launch. It just got to be too much to take after a while, especially because I had to see it from ~mutuals~ too. Like you guys know that man's my namesake and that I can see what you're saying, but you're not even going to tone it down a little bit? Okay I Guess.

It felt really aimless to me, because it was like, what, "betraying" Ichi? Having a "weak" "redemption?" I'm not going to say Arakawa Did Nothing Wrong, and I'm sure even he would never be satisfied with whatever he tried to do to make it up to Ichi (he never was when it came to Masato), but he Kind Of Died before he had the chance. Sometimes that's how it is, but Ichi was always going to forgive him.

Of course I should be happy people loved Ichi enough to feel so protective over him, and I kind of am, but I can't fully put my experiences aside either. I don't want to harp on all that too much now that things are looking better though lol.

All of that aside, I'm glad Princess Toyotomi was an enjoyable enough experience! Although it's not as direct as Honnouji Hotel, I think there are still some time-bending aspects with reincarnation and such that history buffs can enjoy. For example, Matsudaira was Tokugawa Ieyasu's family name, and Sanada was the name of a samurai he respected greatly although they were on opposing sides. And of course, the Sanadas as a whole served as vassals to Toyotomi (after the Honnouji incident, coincidentally, haha.)

Chako was also named after the mother of Toyotomi's heirs, so I suppose one could have seen that coming if they were aware of that, but I really, really wanted Daisuke to be the princess too! She (and Sanada's acceptance of her) were very much one of my favorite things about the movie as a whole. I appreciate that, whenever I've seen transgender identities and gender non-conformity come up in Nakai and Tsutsumi's works, that's generally how it goes. Most of their works tend to narratively align with their viewpoints in real life so it's cool.

Speaking of, family issues are very much a pattern in Tsutsumi's characters! Most of what I could say here is a bit spoiler-y, so I won't, but I hope you'll notice more as you go on to experience other roles.

I was hoping to reply to the other asks here, but that got to be Too Hot To Handle (read: way too long), so I'll section them off into a different ask (that you'll probably end up seeing before this one haha). Hopefully they're a bit easier to respond to separately as well. Thank you for your time, and sorry to take up so much of it!

I love how all of Mine’s stories are connected, it feels like some sort of atonement for the fact that Mine wasn’t going to be RGGO’s main protagonist anymore: if we can’t have him in a brand new story, then we can at least make up for it by having multiple prologue stories line up together. HUGE huge thank you for sharing this with me, it was an absolute honor to be able to read this!

It’s incredibly interesting to see Mine and his line of thinking in this story. At the end of Y3, Mine practically explodes with anger towards the people who betrayed him back then, yet with Tashiro he’s almost entirely the opposite. I guess in this particular situation though, Mine managed to find an optimistic outcome of that deceit: because Mine was booted from his company, he was able to find the thing he really wanted with the Tojo Clan. I can’t explain it properly, but that’s a sweet mentality for Mine to have honestly considering his displeasure with the society around him: something terrible happened to him (and Tashiro even tried to worsen the wound), but having been able to make the most out of the situation, he was almost prepared to let Tashiro go unpunished (I suppose this ties back into Mine’s whole thing of not striking unless attacked first). As a final small note on the story and translation, I love the sprinkle of French in his dialogue. As we’d talked about before, it’s just small details like that that help enhance his Westernism and I appreciate it immensely.

I totally agree on Mine being his own man/character and wanting to focus on that! That’s something I’m always worried about when I post honestly, as weird as that might seem. It’d be ridiculous for me to try to deny relationships between characters are some of my favorite aspects of RGG, but I also try to highlight the characters on their own. The reason why examining the relationships in RGG is so fun is because of how the characters are by themselves, and ergo the type of characters they become when put with others/how certain qualities of their characters become enhanced when in a (any sort of) relationship. In that, relationships help deepened characters, but they definitely shouldn’t be reduced to ONLY the relationships they have.

As for Mine’s relationship with women in RGGO stories, that’s an aspect of Mine I adore too, and I agree on the whole ‘address women as ‘miss’’ bit: it is old fashioned and potentially condescending, but the over-polite nature of it is endearing all the same to me personally. Just in general, Mine’s very polite and I feel like that’s a detail that’s overlooked at times, but it’s a detail I love all the same. Moreover, Mine generally being- at the very least- a decent person does remind me of Hijikata now that you mention it (despite his scary reputation, apparently almost all personal accounts with him only ever said nice things about him and how amiable he was), not to mention the virtuous nature of kirins, to go back to his original symbol. To extend on that, it does just solidify that Mine is a kirin at heart: he respects the people who haven’t done anything wrong or egregious, but he’s harsh on the people who do injustice (and even then, his tolerance is incredibly high. Back to the subject of when Mine first meets Kanda, he doesn’t punish Kanda for acting inappropriately with the woman, he only engages in a fight with him to get his attention. I appreciate that Mine still wanted to make sure the woman he helped was alright though, making sure she was able to walk first before putting his full attention back to Kanda).

I agree that Mine probably doesn’t pursue relationships himself and more so lets them come to him (especially if the ending of that Okinawa story where Mine’s approached by a woman on the beach is any indication or hint at his past relationships), and I especially agree that due to his closed-off nature, he ultimately jeopardizing any romantic partners he could have had. Ergo, I agree in that Katase shouldn’t be put at fault for dismissing Mine’s feelings (while we’re on the subject, I’ve always wanted to explore how Katase might have reacted to Mine’s death. I know she’s considerably an irrelevant character, but I can’t help but wonder how she might have felt and if she ever felt guilty for something she had no control over). I personally always live by the idea of saying what you mean, and as a result I don’t get upset with people if they can’t discern I’m not okay if I don’t tell them that. As for Mine, it’s painfully evident that’s now how he operates: he fully expects others to be on the same page as him, and as we see that becomes incredibly detrimental to him. It’s a consequence of his need to be independent, I believe: he’s become so focused on himself, he either isn’t comfortable with expressing the truth and relying on others emotionally, or he doesn’t know how to do it.

To expand on the hypotheticals of his past relationship, it really is hard to discern what ‘type’ of women he was entangled with (as in whether they were hostesses/sex workers or women he met naturally), and trying to find out which one is significant to understand the depth of his grievances. We know Mine isn’t fond of money- he understands it’s a tool to achieve what he wants, but it doesn’t make him happy (it wouldn’t be a stretch to even say it disgusts him in some aspects, or at least the greed it brings out of people turns him off). So would he seek out workers to get a sample of a human bond? But again, he’d know right at the start that bond would be artificial, so the only conclusion I can come to is that he really did have the capability to attract women on his own (or at least he didn’t have to ‘buy’ them, per say). And of course, the reason they didn’t work out could have been due in part to multiple reasons: women being with him only for shallow reasons, Mine’s inability to be sincere with others, potentially his sexuality, or maybe some mixture of these factors. Not all relationships are the same, after all. BUT this is all speculation at this point, and unfortunately I doubt we’ll get a concrete backstory on Mine’s relationships (but I do agree in being curious as to how he behaves around hostesses…)

I’m not overly versed on LGBT issues and terminology in the East, so I can’t say my input would be anything of much value. All I know is that- at least in the West as well- the concept of LGBT seems to be very ‘western’ for whatever reason (or at least, I see a lot of people get upset with Japanese franchises having LGBT elements and then claiming they’re ‘affected by the West’. Maybe it’s a two-way street for some). But yeah, all-in-all, it really is an interesting case of ‘technically this is wrong translation wise, but character wise it’s accurate’.

As for Mine and his tendency to be ‘short sighted’, that’s precisely how he operates! He very much has the mentality of ‘there’s no problem now, so don’t worry about it’, or at the very least he is very present-minded (outside of business endeavors, of course) and focuses on his happiness in the moment. I can’t fault him for that, though: again, it’s a very human trait to have, even if a little naive, so to say, but again it’s greatly compelling and relatable.

On to Jo though, it definitely was a weird choice to not have child Jo dubbed with a different actor- I know some boys can have deep voices by 15, but it really is jarring to watch and doesn’t help keep me in the mindset that they’re kids at the time. But you’re right in Tsutsumi’s effort to try and sound more youthful at least: it’s not perfect of course, but it’s definitely easier to discern that he’s supposed to be younger (and definitely fits better based on the interpretation the director might have wanted. For the Japanese dub, Jo sounds a lot more carefree about the situation and like he’s just ready to go home- like the circumstances are more of an annoyance than anything severe. Whereas in the English dub, Jo sounds more remorseful- or at least like he’s struggling with moving on from what happened. But that’s just my takeaway, of course).

About Arakawa’s negative reception though, on the surface I get it just from the premise of ‘Arakawa betrays Ichiban’. Even when I didn’t know anything about Y7 and I was just reading a quick summary of the game, I had a sour taste in my mouth after reading that part. BUT of course now I adore Arakawa. His methods were extreme and deadly, but it’s hard to come up with any alternatives for his situation (and it’s not as though he isn’t aware of the pain he put Ichiban through with his elaborate plan. It’s just another case of not everything a character does can be categorized as a purely good or purely evil action), and it’s unfortunate we didn’t get to see Arakawa try to make things up to Ichi after all they went through.

Onto Princess Toyotomi, I wish I was as much of a history buff for Japan as I am with American history: I love history so much, so I’m sure if I’d known these bits before watching I would’ve appreciated the movie and its details a whole lot more (not that I didn’t enjoy it of course, but having that context definitely would’ve been fun to notice while viewing)! It’s also sweet to hear that Nakai and Tsutsumi seem to be accepting of LGBT themes (I try not to look too deep into actors since I’m scared I’ll find terrible things and it’ll make viewing media they’re in awkward, but so far I’m glad that they appear to be decent guys)! On that note, I am absolutely excited to watch more Nakai and Tsutsumi works when I get the chance- I’m curious what you’re referring to when you talk about spoilers, but I’ll find that out seen enough I guess!

And I also have replies to your second ask, though I'll put it below the cut just to keep things separated and organized.

Whatever you decide to do, I’m sure it’ll turn out great (and if you ever need the tweet, I have it bookmarked and screenshotted- I can never be too certain on whether Twitter’s going to nuke a tweet nowadays…)! As for Masato though, I’d be absolutely surprised if he somehow survived. My reason to doubt as much were the funeral scenes, but with Mine- even if unlikely without repercussions- it’s not impossible to survive a fall from that height, so yeah RGG if you drop the confirmed He’s Fine I have no promises on being Not Annoying LMAO

In reference the nature of Jo and Arakawa’s relationship, I’m glad to have given you a chance to talk about their relationship further (it really is an awkward subject to navigate: it’s fair and reasonable to assume SOMETHING is there obviously, we just can’t put an exact label on it.)! And I am open to criticisms, whether that was the intent or not, otherwise I’m a fan of peer review and looking at notes on a subject together, so no worries!

I’ve always been a big fan of turn-based RPGs, so RGG’s push towards the genre’s been really fun to watch! Again, while you certainly can do storytelling through gameplay for action games, RPGs inherently being more story based definitely lend a hand in being able to inject smaller details better (especially in regards to attack/ability and weapon names that highlight aspects of a character)!

Thank you about my latest comic, it means the world that you enjoyed it despite how simple it is! It’s unfortunate I never draw Ichi since whenever I do, I always have fun with how different and expressive I make him (most of it’s due in part to wanting to make a homage to Akira Toriyama since if the gameplay of Y7’s going to be affected by Ichi’s love for Dragon Quest, then I might as well draw him with Toriyama in mind. But at this point, it’s just fitting to draw him so exaggerated)! And I definitely wouldn’t say your contribution was ‘small’, our back and forth’s were a pretty significant reason for me to have the energy and inspiration to draw the thing in full, so thank you again for chatting with me so much!

The subject of Hijikata and his poetry’s one of my favorite topics (if not majorly because according to people who read them, his poems weren’t all that good despite their famous nature nowadays), and I’m glad they managed to sneak in bits about him and in poetry in Ishin (like him reading in his room, and as you said, the quote at the end)! I can definitely see Mine wanting to thoroughly analyze Hijikata’s poetry just on the basis of being an art buff and wanting to extract as much meaning as he could from the writing (but again, considering the questionable quality of them, I can just as easily see pretty much everyone else looking at it without much regard lmao). On that note though, I’d be interested to see how the poems’ meaning ultimately become reworked in your vision!

Talking more about Ishin, Arakawa and Jo would have fit well with Kondo and Hijikata’s roles, I agree! Honestly, if it weren’t for Mine and how popular he is (which I’m infinitely grateful for, I shouldn’t have to say), it wouldn’t be hard for me to imagine Jo filling in his spot (especially if they were willing to swap in Zhao for Baba; they weren’t afraid to switch out RGG characters for other RGG characters. Though imaging Y7Jo having that slightly friendly air that Hijikata does definitely would have been… something to see lmao). Kondo was also considerably sneaky in Ishin too, wasn’t he? That definitely would have been a good fit for how lowkey Arakawa tries to keep things in Y7.

The complicated nature of Ichi and Jo’s relationship is such a neat subject. As you said, I’m sure part of Jo’s frustrations with Ichi lie in how Ichi’s seeming aloof nature reminds him of his own careless attitude as a kid: nothing like old-fashioned projection to make you irked by someone, right. On the note of Arakawa though, it will be interesting to see how they interact now that they aren’t technically ‘required’ to with Arakawa gone and there’s technically no more need to keep the peace. As I said in some ask ago, I do hope they have a more neutral bond come LaD8; I don’t think it’s reasonable to think they can ever be as close as Ichi and Arakawa are, especially how shut off Jo is, but it would be nice to see them more civil and relatively on the same page (maybe despite Arakawa being gone, they can at least appreciate his memory together right. Not that Jo seems too earnest to crack on sharing his personal feelings about Arakawa anytime soon, though, but maybe one day Ichi can convince him lmao).

Shifting a bit, I do wonder why Kiryu was responsible for making sure Jo was going to be alright. That seems so weirdly specific, especially when Kiryu doesn’t seem to have any connection with the Arakawa family. I hope Gaiden answers that question too!

And if you ever want to talk about Ryuji, feel free to write in about him! It’s been a while since I’ve focused on Y2’s story, but I at least remember his scenes well and I’m pretty solid on his character!

[blogofageminimoon]

self reflection: friendships in your 20's

i'm 24 years old, turning 25 in november. i've always had the same group of friends since high school and our friendship has extended into our 20's. however, i've cut ties with people within this circle and my friendship group is smaller than before.

one of my old friends is in a long term relationship and whenever we hang out, a lot of our conversations are simply revolved around her bf and our work life. i feel like we don't have much in common anymore. also, there have been times where she brings him out to girls days unannounced or last minute. the way she approaches it is along the lines of "oh hey, btw my bf is coming." or he just happens to be there. it leaves no room for rejection. i'm not a huge fan of her bf but at the same time it's not really my problem. as long as they're happy that's all that matters. at our day and age, i suspect that he is more of a priority in her life which makes sense; because it's a relationship. they could possibly get married. although, i think this distance has shown the lack of reciprocation on her end. as a result, i haven't made much effort in this friendship. there's no bad blood, we're just not as close anymore.

the second friend is one that i've been in a whirlwind with. i've definitely changed as a person from high school compared to now. i think this has been more of a toxic friendship but maybe i was too blind to notice the red flags. or i've possibly changed to the point where i don't tolerate bullshit anymore.

Conversations have to revolve around her. Lately, i've noticed that we could be having a lovely conversation and somehow it always turns back to her or her love/work life. A lot of our conversations have been very repetitive simply because she turns it around to herself. It's just been annoying and she's been lacking substance, making conversations boring.

Peer pressure. This friend has very particular interests and she likes having a good adrenaline rush. She's into a lot of physical activities such as skiing, road trips, sports and going to the gym. When inviting friends for a hangout, a lot of times she asks to do these sorts of activities. Whether myself or our other friends are not interested, unavailable, or whatever.. she always finds a way to fight back. A lot of the time people are pressured to say yes. Or it just comes off as passive aggressive. Back in high school, I think I was more inclined to say yes to these activities. Now, I think that's changed. (Although I do like a fun physical activity here and there). Ultimately, I've noticed whenever we do these activities, she loves taking photos and filming videos for social media. To the point where the activity becomes revolved around that. I feel like that's why I haven't felt like doing these activities, because it feels like we're doing them to be influencers.

Your interests don't matter. Bridging off from the last topic, I could propose going to a restaurant, a food festival, or the beach. A lot of the time she shuts it down. Either says "been there, done that." Or it's boring. Then she goes back to suggest activities such as go karting or a stunt gym. Friendships deserve compromise on activities from both parties. Also, I could just send her a funny meme or something and she'll find a way to roast it. I love Harry Styles so I send her some edits just for funsies and I get hounded for it. Meanwhile she goes off and sends me F1 edits and expects me not to roast it? Girl.

Lack of effort. It has to go her way. She works a 9-5 and I do shift work, so you could see how our schedules don't always align. She's free on weekends, for me it's a hit or miss. I see her post things on social media indicating she's occasionally free on weeknights which tend to work better for me. She asks for a weekend (very last minute, I may add), I tell her I have work. I propose MULTIPLE weeknights or even an alternate weekend? She GHOSTS ME. Doesn't even try to suggest another day.

She's materialistic and finds a way to use people. This aspect kind of made me ghost her for good. With all the previous points I made, 1) I don't text her as much because I'm tired of always talking about her and her life. 2) I've been saying no to hanging out with her because I'm tired of doing activities that only she's interested in. Or just not even doing the activity at all because she's focused on perfect instagram shots. 3) I don't even send her jokes, videos or memes anymore because I know she doesn't care. 4) I stopped reciprocating or making effort to hang out with her because I know she'll shut it down or just leave me hanging out there because my schedule doesn't work for her. Lastly, she's always liked the idea of a rich, bougie life. She finds ways to use people for their resources and what they have. With all these previous aspects, clearly we've distanced ourselves. All of a sudden I get a random text, "hey how are you doing?" I reply, "good hbu?" She says, "i'm good, can i use your lulu discount?" And that sort of ended it for me. I let her use it but I don't think I've really heard from her since. So now I've given up on this friendship. I refuse to message her, I've muted her, I don't plan on ever texting her. Call me salty and petty and vengeful. But I've been through shit and been in a pretty low place (you can see my education and career self reflection entries) and I'm tired of people pleasing. I've been happier than ever in a long time and I'm thriving. So fuck fake friendships.

[angeldcgs]

it may have seemed silly to get so worked up over something that happened a decade ago, but that's what happens when you repress your emotions rather than address them head on. that's how griffyn was able to remain mostly calm and collected, while lou seemed on the verge of a full blown meltdown. he could be a bit of a shithead, purposefully trying to get under people's skin just for the entertainment their reaction provided, but with lou, he'd always been a little gentler. far from walking on eggshells, it was just that he knew which topics were fair game and which were off limits when it came to teasing. there was only so long he could bottle up his own thoughts, though, and all of this had been brewing between the two of them all this time, just threatening to boil over. "relax, man... i'm not trying to start a fight, here, i'm just pointing out the obvious." his hands raised in surrender, hoping that lou would see that he wasn't trying to antagonize him. really, he thought pushing him to admit the truth would only help him better understand himself, whether or not it actually led to him acting on his feelings for griffyn. "i dunno if you've noticed, because it's not like you cared to ask, or anything, but you're not the only 'straight' guy i've kissed. not that summer, and not in general, and you're not the only one who refused to admit he actually enjoyed it. the only difference is, you're the only one i'd actually wanna kiss again, which sucks, but not as much as it sucks to live your whole life trying to repress something your can't control."

the slight tension that had hung in the air between them all night had morphed into something colder— hostile, almost. while lux and griffyn were approaching the topic in good faith, for the most part, lou's hackles had raised regardless of their intentions, a sensitive nerve clearly plucked in just the right way to illicit such a response. such monumental changes in self perception were never easy to stomach, so there was bound to be a little resistance on his part, but lux wasn't about to let him wiggle his way out of facing his identity. he'd been reluctant to try certain things that were now staples in their relationship, and she fully believed that opening himself up to experiencing his feelings for griffyn would be just as beneficial for him. as the two men focused their energy in on themselves, lux simply piped down and allowed them to duke it out, for once taking the backseat and letting griffyn do the driving. this issue was between the two of them, after all, and she was only there to instigate the conversation so that they could finish it. her touch was enough to remind him of her presence and help reel him in if he got too out of control. she wasn't one to take a more passive role like this, and though it was entertaining to watch them bicker back and forth like schoolboys squabbling over the last cookie, she quickly grew irritated of the seemingly endless back and forth. it seemed that they were unable to resolve things without her applying some sort of pressure. "boys, please... there's no need to get catty. we all want the same thing, right? to be happy? to feel good? you don't have to be so defensive, lou."

another man might have been ashamed by how he let his girlfriend baby him but lou had grown so accustomed to it that he saw nothing wrong with her gentle behaviour. he'd had girlfriends before but he'd always taken on that protective role, the so-called man of the relationship, yet it had never felt right. what he had with lux was enough for him, he was happy with what they had and who he was when he was with her, he didn't want to start bringing up his past and pulling it apart. he chose not to answer lux as she once again suggested what he was feeling and instead turned his attention down to the carpet. what did either of them know about shame? they both had money in the game, something they wanted that could only materialise when lou admitted what they wanted. they both claimed to know him better than himself and maybe that was the case for lux but with griffyn being the source of all that struggle and fear, his pushing for admission bothered lou more than anything. he kept silent as they both tried to comfort him, only raising his gaze up when he was addressed by griffyn. it didn't matter if he was right or not, whether he'd spent nights awake thinking about what griffyn's mouth had felt like on his and how doomed that had made him believe he was, what mattered was the confidence griffyn portrayed about his own importance in lou's life. "you need that to be true." he responded calmly, like there wasn't a fire slowly building in his stomach, threatening him to lash out and say something he would ultimately regret. "cause if it isn't, that means you spent that whole summer and god knows how many years afterwards wishing for something that was never going to happen." the hand in his hair kept him steady, like a dog's owner clinging to their collar as they tried to snap at passersby. he refused to admit to himself that knowing griffyn wanted him twisted his gut in the same way he'd felt when first pursuing lux, right on the precipice of something monumental but this time he was far too scared to look down and see what he was being threatened with if he didn't keep his cool. "just because you spent that summer fucking girls while wishing it was me, doesn't mean i was doing the same thing."

[jargop-doe]

Well, that just happened.

I finally blew up at my female gene donor. Woohoo.

Was working on folding my clothes, listening to music, had the TV muted because a) I don't like football and b) I didn't want to get distracted. By the way, this is ✨foreshadowing✨!

Anyhoo, my lovely brother walks in, and after (I guess) wandering around the room aimlessly for a little bit (Wasn't really paying attention because why would I? Also I am less than fond of him.), asks me where the TV remote is. Or maybe if the remote is under my clothes. I say that I don't know. He asks me to check. I ask him to wait a bit.

Maybe as much as 2 minutes passes, and he asks again. I respond with a slight bit of irritation (actually a slight bit, I'm not being particularly sarcastic yet), as he literally stood there and stared at me the entire time he was waiting. Pretty sure he asks a third time, at which point I sort of snap and ask him to be patient for more than ten seconds. My lovely female gene donor expressed that she is displeased about how I addressed him, which was fair, but I still do not appreciate it.

God dammit I'm dissociating slightly and I'm trying to do something that involves memory, this is inconvenient.

Side Note: My brother was just throwing something against the wall we share repeatedly, and I got annoyed and yelled at him to stop. My lovely male gene donor came to tell me off and found that my door was locked and made me unlock it to more politely request "that you stop that incessant banging as it is quite distracting"

Back to the main topic of my rant.

Female gene donor expressed displeasure. I gave a vague acknowledgement of this that wasn't really anything and went back to folding my clothes. Eventually my brother asks again and I tell him to wait, at which point my female gene donor forces me to remove both of my earbuds so that I can hear her speaking to me oh so clearly and look for it. I halfheartedly pick up the clothes remaining to be folded and look under them and inform the two inquiring minds that it is not there. They are of course not particularly pleased about this approach, and my female gene donor is as pleased about this as my brother is. I am told to look a bit more thoroughly.

I begin informing them that I would prefer not to as I am in the middle of a task. Somewhere through this my volume begins to raise and I am yelling so loudly that my male gene donor comes upstairs to see what is going on. I cannot remember the exact details of what I said, but the general idea is as follows:

I do not wish to look for the TV remote because I am in the middle of something. When I am doing something, the goal is generally to complete the aforementioned thing. I do not wish to look for the television remote because I have spent enough of my life failing to complete tasks because I get distracted in the middle of them by another task. I am currently folding my laundry. I will search for the remote when I have completed the task of folding my laundry. It is quite possibly under one of the tall piles of clothes I have already folded, and I am not going to disturb them for the purpose of finding the remote.

Of course, both of my gene donors found issue with this method of communication, so I rephrased the main point "I am in the middle of something and I do not wish to be distracted and fail to complete it" with less yelling. I am scolded, which I ignored completely, as I was (and frankly still am) severely angry.

After some time, I return to folding my laundry, and after completing it move the sheets on the back of the couch. Lo and behold, there lies the remote! I set the sheets aside and hand the remote to my sibling with equal amounts of passive aggression and stony politeness.

In case anyone read this and is confused, gene donor=parent. Also, the tone is more than a little bit passive aggressive, sorry about that. It's not directed at you.

[thecontumacious]

Request for the boys with a gn reader who is aggressive but is that way because they've just been hurt by the people they trust?

"How strong yet gentle you are, after all."

a/n: the above quote is a translation from this song (it's so good btw and vibed with this prompt so much <3). now bcs anon didn't specify the type of aggression, i'm going to go with a verbally aggressive reader and try to stay away from more physical topics to make it easier to read for everyone!

the world is not always fair. it has always been this way. you know it, i know it, everyone does. it’s something we can’t change.

but people always say: although we can’t change it, it is our own self that needs to change how we see it. it’s up to us how we react to the unfairness of the world. it’s up to us to be strong.

yet, it still hurts so terribly, doesn’t it?

it’s not always easy to smile when the shadow of your once friends lingers next to you and family members who gave up on you. you simply don’t want to be hurt by those who betrayed you. it’s only natural humans want to avoid pain and suffering.

aggression is but a mere reaction to frustrating situations and hurtful outcomes. right?

Vox Akuma 👹🌹

400 years is a long, long time

so of course he’s seen things like these happen

he’s interacted with all sorts of people, from the most gentle and kind to the most brazen and crazed

vox understands how the wound digs into you and continues to make you suffer, causing you to be more hostile and have the tendency to be angry at minor things

it was no different for him either

there are times that you are harsh with him too, giving him back handed compliments or simply being passive aggressive

vox won’t lie and say that it doesn’t hurt him

but he also won’t deny the fact that you deep down were hurting more than he was

as i said before, he’s seen all colors of people

so he knows what’s up as to why you’re very aggressive. hence why he knows how to handle things, even if you haven’t told him what really happened

with his extreme patience and gentleness, vox will approach you slowly

he talks to you at a steady pace, ensuring that he doesn’t create more tension and more wood for your aggression to burn on

“my dear, can you listen to me for a moment?” vox tells you softly, offering his hands ready to receive you in his arms

but you were still in a fit of rage, refusing him

the demon continues to smile, stepping even closer. “only a second, love. please?”

despite being highly moody, the gentle demeanor of vox helps you calm down and stay grounded

so no matter how many times you deny his attempts to calm you down, there will always be a time where you finally will only because of vox’s incredible composure

as if the fire had finally been put out with soothing water, you curl up against vox while mumbling apologies for being so harsh on him

all vox did after that was whisper sweet nothings in your ear, cradling you into his chest

“it’s alright, my dear,” he’d mutter into your hair before pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead

all present negative and red emotions dissolve, replaced only with but the moment of you being held by vox

and for when you become aggressive with other people, vox is quick to intervene by taking you away for the time being until he can get you to calm down

“shh, hey, hey, look at me, sweet thing,” he then grabs your chin, making you pause. then he’ll just smile, kissing you

and once you’re ready to go back to the previous situation, vox knows that you’ll handle yourself better this time so he’ll let you go alone without having to be there next to you

that’s just how much he believes in you <3

once the situation has been dealt with, no longer in a state of hostility, vox will bring you into his arms again

loving headpats, gentle smiles, maybe unseiso jokes to make you laugh and of course, praises for having been able to control yourself

“you’re very strong, you know that?” he whispers, cupping your face with your forehead against his. “you’ve become an honored fighter.”

all in all, vox is someone you can lean on as he will never, ever judge you for who you were. he has the deepest understanding of how humans work among everyone else so it’s a given you’ll be safe with him ❤️

other boys utc!

Mysta Rias 🦊🔶

unlike vox, mysta will be the opposite of how he’ll react to you being a more aggressive natured person

because of this, mysta will be shrinking the first time seeing you being so harsh towards him

he’ll think that there’s something wrong with him every time it happens, wondering if there should be anything he needs to change in order for you to be happier with him

i think mysta is afraid to talk to you about it too, worried that you might get offended by it

the relationship will be super rocky at first with so much tension happening between the two of you

he considered letting you go tbh, but made up his mind when he saw you acting the same with other people

mysta watches you being angry at small things, continuing to be hostile

he notices how these people acted the same as he did

that’s how mysta knew that the problem didn’t really lie within him, more so there was something in you that caused you to be like this

after mustering up all the courage he had in the fibers of his body, mysta pulled you aside one day and spoke first

“c-can i talk to you about something, y/n?” he isn’t without his anxiety though but he’s determined to pull through

you tilt your head, “okay? what’s up mysta?”

“please don’t be offended by it, okay? i don’t mean anything bad,” he sighs. “i’ve noticed how… uh, you’re very aggressive. with me, with other people.”

at his observation, you turn pale with grief

“ha-have i been scaring you?” you stammer, bringing your hands together. you drop your head, “i-i’m so sorry mysta, i didn’t mean to! i never wanted to scare you or anyone, honest! it’s just… um, well, i do get aggressive.”

mysta scratches the back of his head awkwardly, “well, yeah you do. and i wanted to talk to you about it. is something going or…?”

you avoid eye contact with him for a minute and mysta knew he just hit the core of the problem. so there was something going on you hadn’t told him about

“i just… don’t wanna get hurt is all,” you say.

and for once, mysta doesn’t feel like he has to be cautious with you anymore.

he’s looking at you in a different light

you seemed… vulnerable as you told him everything

the reasoning behind your more rough tendencies, how you are prone to being harsh

by the end of it, all mysta saw was a warrior who was trying their best to fight through it all. though it wasn’t best of ways to handle things, mysta knew what to do now

when you finish and it’s his turn to speak, he smiles full of relief and brings you into a hug

“i’m really sorry i scared you mysta… i didn’t mean to,” you mumble into his chest. but mysta only held you tighter

sigh, after all this time, you’ve only been fighting alone

“it’s okay, y/n. it really is,” he says, patting your head down. “i understand now and i’m glad i got to talk to you about it. you’re a real fighter.”

and that you were

in the beginning, things were a bit awkward as mysta was very unsure on how to handle someone with aggression

but did that stop him? nah

if anything, it kept motivating mysta to find a way to help you as best as he can

you were precious to him, so he wasn’t going to let you be alone anymore

when days were too rough for you, mysta will gladly be there for you even if it meant getting hurt by your harsh words

he’ll do his best to patiently untangle what causes the tension, intervening when necessary

i think mysta won’t have the willpower like vox to completely stop you but he’ll definitely try to prevent it when he sees the signs

times like these will be long, but it’s more bearable with mysta there. when you start seeing red, he’s going to appear before you and remind you to take more control of your emotions

his silly clownish self will most times work after all

Luca Kaneshiro 🦮🔆

man is used to interacting with aggressive people since he is the literal boss of a mafia

he’ll admit he was slightly shocked seeing this rough trait come from you

this doesn’t him stop however and he won’t be scared of you like how mysta would be

he does get hurt from what you say sometimes so he’ll try his best to gently tell you to ease up on your tendencies

luca knows it won’t be easy breaking out of it, since he’s well aware it’s part of someone, but he doesn’t want to risk exposing you to the bad things aggressive behaviors can cause

and tell me, isn’t it hard staying mad at someone as bright and adorable as luca? 

thought so

the day was particularly hard for you, and well the people were just a thousand times more irritating than usual

which of course became the source of why your aggressive nature had come to its peak

you were pretty much untouchable. anyone who came close would be so much as singed upon approaching you

except for luca

“babe! babe! hey, hey, what’s wrong?” luca interferes immediately upon seeing the metaphorical red in your eyes

but you don’t pay him any attention yet, instead focusing on your subject of anger

seeing you so mad and harsh rly put luca on the spot the first time it happened, he was too frozen to do anything. however he finally came to his senses once you start sputtering some really bad, bad words

“woah, heyyyy,” luca stands in front of you, shielding whoever/whatever was the victim of your curses both for their benefit and yours

you would try to shove luca away, or maybe even start thrashing at him, but he’s quick to hold your hands and stop you

this finally breaks you out of your angered frenzy, pausing to take a breather

it seemed as though you finally woke up from a terrible dream, only now realizing luca was right in front of you

he was frowning as he tightly held your hands out of caution

and this broke your heart deep down seeing him concerned

“lu-luca?” you call out

luca smiles at you, bringing your hands towards his lips to place a chaste kiss

“hi,” he’ll chuckle, and you’ll do the same

he’s positively contagious like that

he probably won’t mention it right after, instead going straight to the point of the matter

if it was something involving someone else, luca will help resolve things with them and keep you at bay (most times you’re back calm again!)

but if it was just a trivial conflict, luca will direct your attention elsewhere, preferably to things you enjoy or play games he was interested at the time

“hey, let’s get some food after this! i heard they opened a new restaurant and it’s super pog,” he’ll suggest, already tugging your hand out towards the door

it’s only when you’re completely calm again does luca address your aggressive nature that day, gently telling you that things didn’t need to be solved in such a manner

“if you need help with it, you know i’m always here, babe!” luca grins, bringing you into a bear hug. “there’s nothing to be ashamed of to ask for help.”

luca kaneshiro does not judge, first and foremost. he’s always very understanding and will put your feelings first before his no matter what happens. he chose to be with you, so he’ll stay with you, aggressive behaviors and all

Ike Eveland 🖋💙

i hate to break it to you but the first time it happened, ike didn’t receive it too well

he initially thought you were being brash or unnecessarily irrational about your emotional control, definitely irritated by your actions

when you kept saying offensive things, an obnoxious amount of curse words and getting too tense over a small matter, it lit ike on fire

“would you stop being such a brute?!” ike snaps, his patience paper thin

but of course, this only pushes you deeper into the abyssal anger you had been holding onto

if your subject of madness wasn’t already on ike, you redirect your attention to him and get into a super heated argument over-

well pretty much nothing…

it originally didn’t even mean much but with the back and forth clapbacks and sinister comments, it seemed like a bigger problem than it should be

it only ends when you say something overboard and it genuinely hurts ike, to the point where he isn’t mad anymore, he’s just sad

he’ll stay silent and let you bark at him

once you finish, ike mumbles a soft apology before leaving

you could say that this might be the worst episodes of being aggressive, and you weren’t a villain, you didn’t have bad intentions

the situation just pushed you into it, and tbh, you hated how you didn’t fight it enough

now ike is somewhere, wounded by your words and actions

your heart was beyond broken at this rate

so you try to look for him, desperately wishing that he’s somewhere within your reach and still in a state where things can be fixed between you two

luckily, he was in his study, back turned to the door as he worked readily into the evening

ike tensed when the door creaked open, but he didn’t turn around. 

man that stung…

you inhale whatever courage you had left in you before asking, “c-can i talk to you, ike?”

look, he may gotten mad and irritated at you over what happened, but that didn’t mean he was in to ignore you

so he sighs and turns around, eyes visibly tired

“fine.”

you take a brave step forwards and start explaining your situation, from the beginning till how it all ended up being

“oh… oh god,” ike’s voice is trampled upon, you don’t know by what but he quickly stands and brings you in for an embrace

you snuggle against him anyway though, despite the guilt eating you up inside from being so unnecessarily angry

ike starts to pat your head down, placing kisses all over your face before he starts apologizing profusely, “i’m sorry, i’m so so sorry…”

“what for, ike?”

“i became mad at you and thought you were being so annoying by being so angry at little things when really, it’s not like that,” he mutters into your hair, hugging you even tighter. 

“hey, it’s my fault too for not telling you and i should’ve controlled myself better,” you smile gently

but ike shakes his head, “i’m sorry…”

“it’s okay, ike.”

you bet this experience stuck with him for so, so long. not only with you either, he learns to be more patient with anyone! he isn’t quick to react like he used to, especially when he doesn’t know the full stories to things

ike after that seemed to be clinging on to you much closer than usual

in reality, he’s actually studying your habits and personality more, making sure that he can help control your more aggressive nature whenever it acts up 

he won’t hesitate to do research on how to handle things much easier without hurting him or you too, since he only wants the best for you

when you’re being particularly moody, ike is quick to intervene and push you away from the situation by gently trying to coax you out of your red state

it’s going to take some time, he understood that, but he’s willing to do it

for you as well, after that huge fight, whenever you see ike you always manage to calm down although sometimes just by a bit

but the longer he stayed and the more he insisted on being with you until it doesn’t hurt anymore, you start to ground yourself again

when you finally get to the point you’re calm again, it’s easier to manage things especially since it’s more than likely ike will stay to help you out

“are you okay?” ike will ask you, with a soft beam across his face. you nod before he leans in for a chaste kiss. “good, i’m glad.”

ike will probably bring you over, have you sit next to him or on his lap and just silently enjoy each other’s presence, him reading, you working, just be together <3

things won’t be perfect with ike. he too is still as human as you after all, but ike is willing to accept all of your flaws and stories just as much as you accept all of his

Shu Yamino 🔮✨

he won’t lie, he’ll be super intimidated the first time he saw you get so incredibly mad

it’ll feel like he’s walking on a landmine, if not careful he might set off something unwanted

especially when it kept happening in the next few weeks

shu might or might not forget how to joke or talk to you, you may also say that it got awkward between you two

but shu didn’t want that to happen so he tries to ease into conversations with you

the best he can ;-;

“hey, babe,” shu would’ve bring you into a hug and kiss you all over, but he retracts it to just a mere peck on the cheek

you’ll notice obviously, with the lack of communication you guys had and just how less shu is showing affection

you worried if this was the phase where he was beginning to fall out of love with you but instead of wallowing over it, you approach him

“shu? can i talk to you about something?”

he looks at you, nodding. “sure, what’s up?”

“um, a-are we okay? you seem more… distant,” you avoid contact and shu realizes then the mistake he made of being too cautious with you

he instantly has you sit down in front of him, cupping your face gently all the while still firm and reassuring

your eyes are filled with uncertainty, visible worry and some desperation

shu’s heart had never split open that badly

“baby, i am so sorry for making you feel like this,” he sighs, kissing your nose. “i don’t mean to make you doubt but… ah, how do i say this?”

he then feels your fingers touch his

“you can tell me.”

shu spares you a look before saying, “you know how you’ve been getting mad a lot more?”

you catch on almost immediately and pale up

“i have to admit, it's kind of scary… i never see you like that and i may or may not have started to give you space even though you didn’t ask. now i know that was a big mistake on my part.”

to think it was a good idea to leave you alone…

“i-it’s partly my fault too, shu.”

“hm? how so?”

then you start recounting everything, from the very first time it triggered you and how you learned to pretty much protect yourself from it, though through more harsh means

for the first time in a while, shu sees you slowly stripping yourself of your outside walls

now all that’s left is but your more vulnerable self, raw and nothing to hide

“i just don’t want to get hurt but if it hurts you, i’ll try to change i’ll—“

shu places a finger on your lips, which instantly shuts you up as he removes it again

the sorcerer sighs, proceeding to brush away your hair and leaning against your forehead

“you’re already perfect, there’s no need to change.” he smiles softly. “i was just a bit surprised at first. but i’m okay with it. just let me help you when it hurts okay? i don’t want to leave you alone again.”

and shu is a man of his words, what he says goes

he will do his darnest to make sure that you don’t doubt yourself anymore, especially because of him

if you wanted help to control yourself, shu is more than willing to be there and hold you throughout the entire process, cheering you on and offering any possible direct support

when it gets bad, shu will notice right away and will do more of the preventing rather than stopping it

he’ll mentally note down when you’re about blow off steam, so he can prevent it ahead of time and make sure you’re reacting to the situation with a cooler head

it helps you form a good habit of controlling yourself too, so i’d say shu would be the quickest out of luxiem to help you sort things out in terms of self control

when they say shu is a sorcerer, he does actual wonders for the people around him and can get a hold of things super quickly

you are absolutely no different to this effect, if anything, you become a whole lot more important to his life. any help or support needed, shu will throw away his life plans to make sure you were doing okay <3

Masterlist!

[yandereaffections]

J,E,M and P for Aiden? Also congrats on the 12k! :D

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Aiden definitely does get jealous, though he's not the type to make complications because of it, well not right away. He'll mention how you're spending a lot of time with a certain person in a tone you know there's a hidden meaning behind, maybe asks you out on a date the same day he knows you two are going out to do something, nothing too major in regards of jealous actions

It'll just get more and more pent up until the person who's causing it becomes a rival in his eyes, doesn't matter if they're a sibling or childhood friend, Aiden isn't getting his necessary supply of his dearest attention and it's certainly causing symptoms. With that said it's also incredibly easy to mellow him out, simply show he's a priority via morning/night calls and texts, maybe even send him something that reminds him of you and suddenly that person youve been hanging around isn't as much of a issue anymore, aidens focus is completely back on being flustered that you've obviously been thinking about him.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

This man will hand over every bit of him to you with a smile, you'll know his favorite foods, fears, family, every detail he could give Aiden would love to tell you. You deserve to see him completely vulnerable, and of course if you do try to use this information to your advantage he'll notice right away, hoping you wouldn't but preparing if you did.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Aiden let's his more manipulative traits slip as the time passes in your relationship together, the softness you fell in love with is still there of course but it's followed by passive devious demeanor that becomes clearer the more you look for it.

He's such a kind and considerate dude to every other kid on his campus, professors and students alike all have a rather positive view on him being a decent person no one would believe you if the topic of manipulation came up. If you do ask Aiden why hes so different with you compared to in public he'll simple answer with how he needs to ensure you get nothing but the best, which ultimately means scaring off potential 'friends' and guilting you into bailing on old social groups cause he claimed they're no good for you

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Incredibly patient in almost every situation, this boy tends not to assume the worst or get himself worked up on small issues or situations especially when they involve his dearest.

You can scream, throw punches and kick at him but he'll still be unnervingly calm, staring with a blank smile waiting for the chance to approach you without causing a violent reaction. Also is tolerant towards toxic behavior in any sort of relationship with you, lie or gaslight Aiden simply stands there sighing what you said to him, hoping you'd make this easy and apologize

[kittykatinabag]

Okay so today.

It started before this trip with my aunt meeting a new hire at her job. While making small talk, she mentioned that her kid (my cousin) is trans and that they were going to Chicago with us (me and my mom) in the next couple of weeks. This new hire happened to be moving from Chicago and a part of the lgbta+ community and friends with an educator here who's also involved in the community. They gave my aunt the guys contact info and my aunt proceeded to set up a coffee get together out here. My mom and I decided to tag along because why not (and secretly I think my mom is just interested in hearing from some active members of the lgbta+ community because she's been my aunt's biggest confidant involving my cousin's trans journey and frankly, I'm not very good at describing the queer experience due to various reasons that mostly stem from my introversion, my parents relative lack of care about it (which is neutral to good imo), and inability to articulate my own viewpoint in a way that non-queers understand.)

So we all meet up at a coffee shop in the queer neighborhood here in Chicago and get to talking and whatever. Immediately I know this guy is good. He's super great at making an atmosphere that's open and accepting, comfortable but not too serious. He's also really thoughtful, as he brought along a trans masc friend who's open to sharing his story so that my cousin can have a more closely relatable example and person to ask about nitty gritty stuff like hrt and the trans masc experience.

I kind of took a bit of a backseat to the conversation, and only piping up every once in awhile when I had something to contribute. This queer experience is more my cousin's story than mine after all. But even as a sort of passive part of the conversation, it seemed like every other topic I was holding back a few tears. The gentle support and approach this guy took with topics, so open and honest. Not letting my cousin get away with saying things like "oh yeah, sometimes people tend to misgender me because they still think long hair equals girl, but I don't care about it!" with the amazing answer of "It's okay to care about it a little, it's frustrating you know! Sometimes letting it out with a little sigh and rolling eyes makes is pass without building up inside"

And his trans masc friend! So open about everything, even the slightly prying questions about his experience of hrt and surgeries and stuff that my aunt innocently asked (she did say it's okay if it was too personal though). Also a fellow pop punk enthusiast. I also think seeing a living tangible example of what transness is and can be was so so so good for my cousin. I sort of tried to help out in the beginning of his whole journey by being open and giving a few books and pointing towards resources, but honestly my only real comforting thing I can say is that there is queer life and joy out there, but there hasn't been much to really prove it beyond my word. And I acknowledge that I could be closer and better about communicating, but I think I've figured out that I'm just a bit of an awkward person in that regard. Very open whenever contacted and picks up right where things left off even after years, but it's a bit hard for me to maintain relationships when I'm not in the same place as others.

With every topic and more time spent with these two Chicago queers, I felt healed and seen and light and hopeful. It made me realize how much I had to kind of figure out on my own with just the internet and my peers, and how much I wanted and needed someone like this guy to be a sort of mentor figure. It also made me realize (again) that community is everything, and that maybe the kids will be alright with people like these guys being open and willing to meet and make connections with baby queers. I know this whole thing was supposed to be for my cousin, but the good vibes absolutely affected me too.

Also for probably the first time in my life, the queers outnumbered the straights at this mixed gathering.

Ok if I remember before bed I'm gonna update this post with this amazing queer experience I had today but right now I will say I am feeling full and amazing and want to cry in community and all that fluffy shit.