#but tbf. the hardest part is fucking Stopping and then starting again. if i can just get Going and Not Have To Stop or shift back down into

[toytulini]

dominic toretto would not be queerphobic to you but he would think that if you cant drive a manual, you cant drive

if you told vin diesel fast and the furious you were gay he'd be like "Some people like driving stick…some people like driving automatic…what matters is you cross the finish line.." and then he'd rev up a dodge challenger and drive through a building and kill 16 people

[thispabulum-blog]

Cookies and Hot Dogs and Meatloaf, Oh My!

What's the Tea? Tuesday

Welcome back!

This is the last time we have to do two weeks combined, because this will bring everything up to date! Finally.

Week 9 (April 10 - 16)

Ooh Sunday was an interesting day. While Cuddlebug went to work I took over his kitchen and baked probably a solid 8 or 9 dozen butterscotch cookies (it was hard to count because people started eating them before I was done) that were mostly gone by the time I went home Wednesday night.

He then blew a tire before he got home and almost got into an accident.

I am definitely a jinx.

Sidebar: Do you have a tv in your bedroom? I do. I've had a tv in my bedroom since I was a child, except when I couldn't afford one.

Cuddlebug does not. Baymax did not. Space Kitten does not. Meximelt was adamant about the fact that he did not. Aquaman does not - in fact he has a tv in his living room but it's not even connected to anything, it's just there for decoration.

The audacity. What do they even DO??

Anyway. Cuddlebug had to take his car to the shop, where they would (spoiler!) somehow manage to spend a solid week and a half fixing a thing that should have taken an hour to do (and then charging him out the ass for), so the rest of our time together was very chill and inside.

Sunday night we were hanging out and Cuddlebug told me he was gonna do something on his computer real quick and he'd start dinner in 15 minutes. An hour and a half later, he was actually making dinner. This is par for the course. Tbf, I also do this when I'm alone.

I also imposed on him that we were going to watch Wristcutters: A Love Story which he really liked (a movie I tried for years to get Dr. Strangelove to watch, and he refused) Honestly, one of the hardest parts about dating someone new after being in a long-term relationship is having to catch them up on movies and tv so they understand all your references and weird things about your personality. He gets to pick the next movie, and I think it's gonna be Cloud Atlas.

Monday he made us hot dogs for lunch, and I'm gonna be nice and just say that I appreciated how excited he was about it. A man will always get points for feeding me, regardless.

I did say "Oh, he's lucky he's cute" more than once, though.

That night we hung out with a friend and one of the housemates, and I got to hear them yell at YouTube videos for about 4 hours while I made meatloaf and my good good mashed potatoes (with bacon, caramelized onions, and sauteed mushrooms) and gravy.

Me: "The mashed potatoes are over there, and the gravy is on the stove."

Cuddlebug: "Eh. I'll taste the gravy."

Cuddlebug: "Oh shit, babe."

Let it be known, I can fucking cook. He had seconds, and also leftovers the next day, and even the day after that; I nearly cried.

Tuesday...I don't think we did a damn thing. It stormed, and I was in the vicinity of him and one of his housemates playing 40k again. I recall being wrapped up in a blanket watching Kaguya and eating leftover meatloaf with lots of yelling off to the side.

Wednesday his car still wasn't ready, but I wanted to go home so I had a friend come and pick me up.

Before that happened, though, I was watching Drag Race on my tablet in his room (because there's no tv) while he played on his computer and his mom called, and I got to be present for that.

Let me tell you.

It is fucking adorable to be around someone who has a good relationship with their mother. Dr. Strangelove dodged his mom's calls like the plague (not that I blame him), and when he did have to answer or call her, he'd go outside and chain smoke the entire time and then usually want to be alone for a while afterwards.

But Cuddlebug was just like...chatting. He stopped his game. He leaned back in his chair. He smiled and laughed and talked to her for over an hour.

It's a shame I went home after that because it was super fucking cute.

Saturday night I got to go hang out with Space Kitten! Woot! We caught each other up on our respective love lives, ate some chicken, watched a little YouTube, did Mad Libs, they performed a geomancy for me, we talked tarot for a while, and I got to take home a cute pair of Bunny ears.

Week 10 (April 17 - 23)

Sunday was Easter.

Monday I was hanging out with friends, and Meeko Neko called me from a concert that hadn't started yet, just to chat. I miss him.

I started talking to a guy that I guess I'll have to name, so let's go with Tie-Dye. He's 25, works as a cook (this is a new subgenre for me but I'm leaning into it), and shares both a home and a child with his ex. It's a little complicated but not messy. He's nice, very...free-spirited, maybe? It felt more like friendship and not romance, and our conversations helped him clarify some things he’s been struggling with in his life. If I have to get older, I can at least be sage-like.

A few days later he messaged me and let me know that he didn't want to just ghost me, but his life is going in a different direction and he wasn't going to talk to me anymore. Men are exhausting.

Also Item 9 requested to hang out with Cuddlebug and I over the weekend.

Tuesday I was lazy all day and then woke up from a nap around 8pm and decided to hit up Eclipse who had finally gotten out of the hospital a few days before.

We had planned on going to the same Thai place that Cuddlebug and I went to, but it was going to be closed by the time we managed to get there, so we had to pivot. His car is still in the shop and he hasn't picked it up because he's been busy dying, so he hopped in an Uber and they picked me up on the way to...Applebee's (this is the suburbs, there aren't a lot of late-night options). He is so super cute in person, and is voice is a lot deeper than I expected for some reason.

We talked a little about music, our dating experiences, and then started talking about my true love - disturbing cinema. We decided to go back to my place and watch something spooky. I settled on Poltergeist because it's been a while and you know I enjoy some old school horror. He was really sweet and cuddly! I did get to play with his hair, which is much more solid than I was expecting.

But yeah, we had a nice time, and I'm glad we FINALLY got to meet up (we both talked about how we’ve had other people come and go from our lives in the last two months since we started talking). Hopefully we can get together again soon, I think he's a lot of fun!

And he has...abs? What's that all about? I'm body-inclusive and everything, but I do tend to gravitate toward what Space Kitten refers to as softer folk, so it was just something I haven't felt in a while. Bodies are fascinating.

Wednesday there appeared this other guy, and the whole thing was a whirlwind. I really don't know what to think. We're gonna call him Shaggy, and he was a handful. He is also a cook, and he came out of the gate really forward - he has no filter. Normally I hate that. But idk, this one worked on me. He's 30, poly, married, collects Yu-gi-Oh cards, and asked for my Snapchat so he could send me food porn - which he absolutely did.

After that he was almost manic, switching between being really sexually-aggressive and being super sweet and wanting to get to know each other. There was definitely some kind of connection there, but it was so weird. Like he'd be asking me about my favorite movies and telling me that I'm so cool and cute and he likes me a lot, and then he'd be graphically describing sexual fantasies and things he wanted to do to me, and then he'd apologize for being too needy and saying he was just super into me because I’m amazing. By Saturday he sent me this message that was something like "I don't think this is gonna work, I don't think I'm what you need and you don't seem to have a lot of time" - this from a man who is poly, married, and works as a cook at a popular restaurant. You okay, bro? And then when I took longer than 10 minutes to respond to a message at 2 am, he blocked me on Snap and on Tinder.

Why. Are. Men.

Friday evening, a very poorly-time-managed Cuddlebug picked me up and we went over to his friends' house to eat pizza and watch the Drag Race finale. Then I got to experience more of life's greatest treasure: Cuddlebug watching monkeys. It is impossible to convey the joy this man gets from monkeys doing monkey things.

Saturday was fascinating. Cuddlebug and I were supposed to hang out with Item 9, but the latter woke up sick and had to postpone. So instead we scooted over to Space Kitten's house.

Cuddlebug loves to argue, and Space Kitten has a degree in Philosophy, so Cuddlebug showed up ready to go. And the first time he threw out a philosophical term, Space Kitten was like "...well, no," and then I spent a long time sitting on the couch listening to dudes argue about philosophical concepts and swooning into the mantle of the motherfucking earth.

There was philosophy talk, there was witchy talk, there was looking through tarot cards with pictures of nude guys on them, there was a good 10 minutes where I was just smelling different incense, there was staring at pretty lights, there was much adoration of Space Kitten's actual cat, there was discussion and eating of something that may or may not have been Italian food, there was couch cuddling, there was lengthy back-and-forth (both literally and figuratively over my head) about various and sundry RPGs that I'm not at all familiar with. All in all it was probably the best night ever. I'm always so happy when I'm able to successfully get my friends together!

Then we drove home and Cuddlebug spent a solid hour loudly (ofc) pitching various anime series to me (Death Parade, Psycho-Pass, Death Note, Kaiji, and like a million others I can't remember). We were supposed to drive thru somewhere for me to get food but I forgot until we pulled up to his house. I was just gonna say fuck it and go to bed, but he made me get back in the car so he could take me to Taco Bell. A gem, this one.

That's all for now! Things are going really well, honestly. Tomorrow I want to look at some weird dudes.

Feel free to submit asks and suggestions.

[carraville]

 year in fic review (2017)

using the wonderful @neyvenger​ ‘s template! everyone should do this i wanna read <3

Year at a glance:  Total number of completed stories: 25 (26 if u count hockey) Total word count:  146929

Overall Thoughts:

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?  LOTS MORE it’s probly bc i wrote a hella lot while jumping from train to train traveling all of Europe, and probly bc i gave up on school by mid-sem last year, and probly bc the only thing i can do at work that looks like i’m still doing work when i’m not is write 

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? The fuCKING GERMS i blame it on germs like i 100% would never have thought i’d write 16k of thomasfips who does that also joemilly??? but i luff

What’s your own favorite story of the year? i dont have one i love and hate them all equally... i guess strangeways here we come just bc i took so damn long to write it and tbf i didn’t write a lot of carraville this year so it was kind of like my One and Only 

Did you take any writing risks this year?

writing a lot of people I didn’t know how to write, writing about a lot of Big Things (particularly on the bridge between starshine and clay) that i wasn’t sure about, writing a lot of aus i’d never done before, writing ??? PORN???? even tho ive never banged anyone in my life

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? all 12 months of football prompts! hopefully! and writing more new ships and meeting more people and reading good fic  also finally doing all my historical aus bc if there’s one thing i’ve learnt this year, it’s not to give a shit what other people want and just write what u want even if no one is going to read it xoxo

From my past year of writing, what was…

My best story of this year: from a writing perspective i think an die nachgeborenen just bc it was the most? complete, i guess? and plotty? like if i changed the names and pretended it wasn’t creepy i could probably send it for rejection 

My most popular story of this year:  strangeways, here we come i guess cos i published it around that time the r*dditors were sneaking around lmao

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:  the wonder of my world cos it’s niche and manc but!!!!!!! i love my mancs

Most fun story to write: fuckin.  30 Shades Of Red

Story with the single sexiest moment: The Anonymous Present That Appeared For Sab’s Birthday That Doesn’t Exist 

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: Again, The Anonymous Present that Doesn’t Exist 

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: I’m pretty set when it comes to characters, I guess, because I only like writing when I understand them, but maybe Aubade bc I’d never written Iker till then and I really liked how it turned out

Hardest story to write:  summer sang in me a little while bc it was a) wrestling with a Lot of Football feelings that I didn’t know how to talk about, b) wresting with trashbag xabi alonso and what I thought of him vs. what other people thought of him, c) writing ships and people I had 0 idea about

Biggest surprise:  i like germs! wtf

Highlights + Wrap-up:  ok I TRIED TO PICK DIFFERENT ONES FROM ALL FIC 

Favorite Opening Lines (3):

when the world was ours

There's a crunch. There's a crunch and it's over. 

the setting sun is sweetest last

When all the hands have been shaken and hugs exchanged someone presses a microphone into his hands and he fumbles, not quite sure how to put what he's feeling into words. Eventually he settles for something about looking towards the final on Saturday and he sees David from the corner of his eye shaking his head, almost as if to say: god, Gaz, how do you manage to make everything about United when this should be about you.

In the end, it's simple.

cheesed to meet you

Philipp calls Thomas first, because he always calls Thomas first.

"I didn't do it," Thomas says immediately, with the kind of well-practiced plausibility that only comes from doing the things he says he hasn't done.

Favorite Closing Lines (4):

yes, yes, we are magicians

You jog back to the halfway line. Your face must be shining under the lights, and you wonder if mum's in the crowd, smiling. Let's go to Wembley some day. Rooney rolls the ball to you and you're off again, no marcus's ball scribbled into the patchy leather, no divots and pot-holes in a sandy, well-worn pitch.

You're nineteen years old and going to the Euros.

Every blade of grass here is the exact same height.

in this story we belong to ourselves

Liverpool is. A river that runs before two men who used to have numbers on their backs and now have a house no longer empty. A stream of memories and breaking apart and going again. The Mersey, quiet, grey, flowing gently through the Narrows and out into the great big sea, ever so slightly out of reach.

Variation IX

He says I've missed you, mate.

I say You know, I thought you might.

He says I hope you missed me too.

I say Well of course, otherwise where would I go for Christmas this year?

And then he starts laughing and I start laughing and we laugh and laugh and don’t stop until he kisses me again.

yes, there will be song

You step back and turn, take the steps two at a time. Somewhere outside Anfield there's a man with a shirt that's as as red as the names on the back. He's got a scarf around his neck like a docker, and he presses his face to the Shankly gates like he's kissing a trophy. Make us dream, he whispers, a secret he's never told anyone else, his heart heavy and his eyes tired but his body trembling with a belief too full for words. Above him, the sky is golden.

Favorite Lines From Anywhere (5):

strangeways, here we come

It's weak against Paraguay, it's tired against Paraguay, but the England fans are singing and they have to listen. Countries are not clubs. This sinks deeper than loyalty, at once more insular and more ubiquitous than Liverpool or United could ever be. There are little flags hung up in Sainsbury's, strangers with their arms round each other in pubs, the radios of an electronics store tuned in to Radio 5 Live. Come on England. Bandied about like a mantra, a swear word, a secret password offered by old hands who brace themselves for more disappointment with a nudge and a wink. England always - a host of words go here, crash out , fuck up , lose , but -

Believe rises above them all. Maybe it's delusional. Maybe it's arrogant. Beckham takes a free kick that delights and astonishes the way his free kicks do and it ends up in the back of the net. Every four years St George goes back up and people who still remember '66 are bought a pint, and for every we'll go out at the group stages there's an underlying thread of god help me, we might win this yet, because what is hope if not alive?

Come on England. The cup awaits you and is yours.

sekrit yuletide fic

In his dreams he doesn't leave. Salvador Iglesias Sr. doesn't die and Chava doesn't become a dickhead. He keeps the number on his back and the band around his arm. He doesn't cheat on Ximena, but he tells her, and they part as best friends. In his dreams they win the championship. And again the next year, and again the one after that. Each time Potro scores the winning goal and Moi runs to him to celebrate and Potro kisses him for the whole world to see, over and over, until their lips are numb and all they know are themselves.

summer sang in me a little while

Why are you still here? you ask him. It is easier that way. He turns to you, dark circles under his eyes, and doesn't reply. Only reaches over to tangle his calloused fingers in your hair, rests his forehead against yours.  This time you are the one who leans forward to kiss him, immersing yourself in the warmth of his skin. You taste his blood. You taste the salt and iron of his blood.

the wonder of my world

What makes a club? Love, belief, hope - and someone to attach it to, the player everyone grows up watching, whose name is instantly recognisable to the point that you don't have to mention who he plays for next. Who pours his soul into the game and hammers his heart onto the crest. You don't get that kind of player very often. United were lucky to have three.

So here. The last musketeer. He's not looking at the crowd anymore, just the middle distance. Still the thousands sing. Love, belief, hope, and memories. Ryan might never run again but Paul realises that it doesn't matter. It's that he's already run. And in a hundred years from now someone might pull up a grainy youtube video and watch the number eleven on the left wing and fall in love, all over again. The way he was meant to be loved. Ball at his feet. Red.

an die nachgeborenen

"I don't need a plan," Thomas says, like he's talking to a child. "That's the beauty of it. All I have to do is wait and see what happens. It's only – " he smiles again, wan, quiet. "Well. You know."

The refrain arcs, jagged, through Philipp's head.

"I promised you wouldn't die."

"I won't." Thomas stands up, leaves a hand on Philipp's shoulder. His palm is still warm. "I'm invincible, didn't I tell you?"

And with a single, chipper whistling note, he hits the exit button and slips out, the door closing immediately behind him with a gentle click .

Fic Goals for 2018:

i wna write gifts that people will like :> aka MORE NICHE BULLSHIT