#but tbf it's been a while since i read it
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lolashifts · 3 days ago
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SHIFTING ISN'T SPECIAL
please bare with me on this one bc it might be a bit longer than i expected (and excuse my very bad title-naming skills 😭)
in this essay i will try to put down in words exactly what i realised today as i started my first day into reprogramming my mind, something that i’m doing while following reya singh’s method. what is that?
shifting IS easy.
yes, i know everybody says it, but it’s the truth and i’m not telling you this as someone who shifts regularly to her drs, because i don’t (yet!). however, it did just click in my mind why people always say it and mean it. and i feel incredibly stupid for not understanding it waaay earlier than just now, 4 years into my journey.
now, let me walk you through the thought process behind this.
in reya’s 4-day method for reprogramming your mind, she instructs to write a list of your beliefs and non-beliefs. this may sound really silly and kinda useless at first - believe me, i woke up this morning thinking “what exactly am i supposed to do after that?” - but there’s a valid reason for it, which is to help you delete from your mind the idea that shifting is like a superpower that’s simply not for everyone and very hard to reach, when that is not the case at all!
in my own beliefs list, i’ve written “i am capable of shifting” right in between “i can speak english”, “i can write and read” and “i can eat --” (and some other things like “i can’t eat gluten”, bc i have celiac disease, “i can dream”, we all do! and “i can lucid dream”). you see where i’m going with this? i’m putting shifting in the same category as things we all normally do, that we sometimes don’t even think about doing since they’re such a natural activity. to this list i could add “i can breathe”, because we do it automatically, without even realising unless we focus on it. the same can be said for drinking or eating really, if you’re angry or thirsty you just go and get whatever pleases you the most and not dwell on it.
in the non-beliefs list, i’ve written obvious things like santa and the easter bunny (which isn’t common here in italy tbf but yeah) and sentences like “i can’t swim”, “i can’t draw”, “i can’t eat strawberries” and in between them also “i don’t fear shifting”. here, the point is that all these listed beliefs are stuff i know for a fact to be false: i can swim perfectly, i am an artist and i love strawberries + i’m not allergic to them or anything. by placing shifting there, i'm stating that just like i KNOW i can swim or whatever, i also KNOW i'm not scared of shifting.
you’re literally gaslighting your subconscious mind into believing what is real for a fact and what isn’t.
after writing down this list, which can be done on paper just like on your preferred device, i reread everything twice explaining to myself why i chose these things and why they are beliefs or not. that’s how i realised that shifting is easy. when people talk about it “clicking” they weren’t lying!
shifting isn’t special, this is what the list thing tries to prove you. it’s not special because, just like breathing and eating and reading, we do it subconsciously everyday. take your own first language: you speak it naturally without having to doubt it, and if you know a second language well enough like i know english for instance (my mother-tongue is italian) then you can even start talking to yourself and think in that language without having to search up translations.
what’s the difference with shifting then?
the difference is that shifting hasn’t been taught to us in the same way as a language has been, all throughout school. the same thing goes for reading and writing: we read and write naturally because we’ve been taught how to when we were young and it’s now engraved in our brains, just like with learning our first language, which is something we normally do thanks to our teachers, our families and the people around us, of course. this doesn’t happen with shifting in most cases, as we all know, which means it’s normal for it to take a bit to grasp as a concept and existing thing/activity. it’s natural, most of us human beings just don’t know about it, nor that we’re capable of doing it.
this is why i said it’s not special: just like breathing, everybody can do it (and so do you)!
going back to the non-beliefs list; i should also add that as a society we usually are taught what to believe in from a young age, and specifically what is believed to be a fantasy, a dream, or something real. as grown-ups, though, we have the right to believe in whatever we want, like shifting. as a realistic person, i understand that some people may have a hard time believing something as great as shifting could be true, because it genuinely doesn’t sound like it! so yes, this is also a factor that can and does make it harder for someone to trust their guts and expect to wake up somewhere that’s only fictional here.
shifting clicks for everybody at different times, but i hope this post will help some of you here understand it better and know that what more experienced shifters say always has a meaning, you just need the time to properly reflect on it to get it!
when it clicked for me a few hours ago i felt a huge rush of adrenaline and happiness bc yes, i can actually shift. i’m just overcomplicating it for no reason and so many of you are doing the same!
it’s okay though, we’ll all get there <3
(psa: if you saw any grammar mistakes or anything NO YOU DIDN'T and also please don't mind if this rant doesn't sound logical, i tried my best to explain myself like i wanted to 🥲)
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trashcanwithsprinkles · 7 months ago
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Ive seenyou mention wuxia a few times now and i wonder what that is. Would you mind explaining it to me?
not the most qualified person to explain this as i'm not, in fact, from china; but i've read a couple of wuxia so here goes:
wuxia is a genre of fiction from china specifically, about martial artists in ancient china. i don't think a specific time period is like required? obviously some dynasties are more popular but idk how it goes in that front. it just has to be Not Today and probably Too Long Ago. like pre industral revolution i think. again idk if that's a requirement, but most i've seen are from around the same relative murky pre-electricity era.
xianxia is a subgenre of wuxia that's specifically more fantasy-like, and it's not just martial arts, but also spiritual powers and cultivation (which i have no fucking clue how to explain without two hours and three tangents other than chinese magic system. if you've ever heard of chi/qi as an energy, it appears there). so like- genshin is by all accounts a xianxia, it just doesn't use the more common specific xianxia terms like cultivation. some of those are very weird to translate and probably not common for the average non-wuxia reader, so it makes sense why they're going for alternatives.
chongyun and xingqiu and xianyun are very much straight out of a xianxia. xianyun's entire story quest was the closest genshin has gotten to a straight xianxia plot so far. i highly reccomend ashikai's video on unnecessary visions if you want more info on why genshin is a xianxia hahah
cyanide narwhal has some talk of some stuff from xianxia, but that's mostly because well- fucking liyue, that's how it works there. the whole light energy striking down someone who's getting powerful and giving them godhood if they survive the strike is, while not exactly like that, something that happens in some xianxia as well. like the way adepti work in general is just very xianxia. ashikai does a much better job explaining it than i do tbh but yeah
TL;DR: wuxia is chinese martial arts fiction in ancient china, and xianxia is a wuxia subgenre with more magic elements. also genshin is a xianxia
#i was going to recomend some xianxia if you're curious but like#genuinely don't know which one is a good starting point#like i'm tempted to say just dive headfirst into mdzs like most of us did but like#is mdzs the best place to start if you know nothing? unsure#genuinely#given how it's made to feel more lighthearted and formatted more like it's a fucking videogame#svsss might be a good launching pad#but tbf it's been a while since i read it#also it has unskippable sex scenes (i think??) so like- if you don't want to read that you're kind of out of luck there#not that mdzs doesn't have that either but they're not literally Plot Relevant. like the plot does not hinge on their horizontal tango#there's probably a good wuxia to start out there but i can't really remember right now#like mdzs is the easiest to recomend bc it's trial by fire and you're going to come out of the other end knowing like 80% of it all#plus it's not nearly as traumatizing as some of the other options#and it's so easily accessible it's almost funny#like take your pick: novel. live action. animation. audio drama. comic#it's fucking everywhere and the fandom is fucking huge so that's a giant plus#but that doesn't change the fact that idk if you can watch a couple episodes to get a feel for the wuxia genre. like would that work??#so i guess i'll leave that to everyone else to comment with any recomendations if they have a good one#for like an introductory work#or just decide mdzs is just the easiest point of entry. that can always be it. i mean we all made it anyway
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sincosma · 4 days ago
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i rewatched xmen first class for fun and have landed face first in cherik all over again, a ship i havent really been engaged with since like 2014? so anyway, sorry in advance followers lmao
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heartsdefine · 8 months ago
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think i'm gonna headcanon that it was actually uncommon for grisha to merge bodily with their amplifiers, and rather that most wear them as jewelry like in the books. merging the collar to alina's body was something the d*rkling told david to do to ensure she could never remove it, and her ability to absorb it entirely was the result of a unique power combined with unique circumstances and one of the three most powerful amplifiers known to grisha.
as such, when alina gets rusalye's scales, she wears them around her wrist as a bracelet, and does not have them merged into her body. when the time comes to kill mal for the power of that third amplifier, the bracelet breaks at the explosion of power much like in the books. alina also feels a surge from the collar in her bones as it loses its connection to the other two amplifiers.
i also favor mal being saved by some expert heartrending rather than dabbling in merzost on alina's part, at least as far as my main verse is concerned. so i'm drawing a lot more from the books in terms of how the trilogy ended (alina experiences an explosion of her power upon killing mal and her power still spreads to the soldat sol around her; in the process she still sacrifices both mal and rusalye's amplifier), with the main exception being that alina "keeps" the collar as it's been merged with her body, and both its power and her power to call the sun come back slowly over time.
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rosesradio · 1 year ago
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ctp reached 34k reads on wattpad ! it only needs 10k more reads to be the most read lawrusso book on the platform so uh…maybe that’ll happen, though it may be a while lol
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humanmorph · 1 year ago
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having thoughts about webcomics tonight. like ooohh my god i love webcomics
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jensonsbuttons · 2 years ago
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i feel like we've talked abt this many times but i've been thinking (hate it when that happens) and jenson as tp what do we think...... he'd burn it all to the ground for sure but by blorbo law it's fine, he can't do anything wrong
HIIIII KAJS <3 please do not apologize i love the thoughts you get from thinking. very big brained.
we did talk about it before and i think we're right in he might burn it to the ground. however, might i interest you in a common trope. let's set the scene....we have a protagonist and a side character. they're having a conversation. our lovely protag is standing in front of the side character and says "not to worry! i've got everything under control."
meanwhile, behind our protag, everything is not under control. explosions are happening, a car just swerved to avoid the issues that are clearly not under control, a lamp post just slowly fell down, someone just screamed out "my leg!" and there are several fires that need to be put out.
that's the best sum up i have. do i still want him as tp? yes absolutely.
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carp-esh-ove-lem · 2 years ago
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i think me making a dropout/d20/naddpod sideblog is inevitable at this point
#ty xeph my beloved for givin me the final push to get dropout#dam i dont even remember if there was a specific thing u did xD i had been wantin to get it for a while already tbh#anyways i wanna look at naddpod stuff on here so bad but also started from the beginning and ;-; spoilers#lol it’s so weird it’s been YEARS since ive been invested in a fandom/media n cared abt (or even had the opportunity to care abt) spoilers#tbh i usually dont care but even if i did#a lot of the time the content ends up easy to catch up on yknow? limited series & books and stuff n all#or fuckinnnn yt series that u dont need to be caught up from the beginning lol#this however. i do Want to experience the story for realsies n all that#anyways. the sideblog is definitely fuckin happening imma be real#idk when i’ll stop being a coward and *nike voice* just do it#but it’ll happen it is quite literally inevitable. ive gone past the point of no return#i Do need to dwell on a url though. that may take A Bit (read: far too long)#i think i was considering maybe a silly dumb ref to andhera from acofaf#bc that was the first campaign i watched and they are Best Boy. god i fucking love andhera#but also. man idk#ikikik ik u can change urls l8r but this is How I Am *awkward smile*#i Need a silly little ref that Satisfies Me. it doesnt even hafta be a good or recognizable reference (<- historically true)#but it’s gotta be good to Me Personally bc im ~like that~ teehee#anyways screaming crying How will i ever catch up to naddpod#i mean tbf. im at ep 26 for first campaign and it’s been maybe a week? maybe under (or over??) a bit??#so theoretically it hopefully wont take me more than 2 months to finish bahumia campaign even w school starting factored in#hopefully. idk#d20 shit is gonna take 50 goddamn yrs tho xD im in my naddpod arc rn#and all ive seen is acofaf and most of coffin run. and am keepin up w neverafter ofc#and idk even which intrepid hero campaign to go for next. i was thinkin unsleeping city but like damn i dont even know for sure yet#ALSO i HAVE to watch mice&murder first now. idk if it’s any good but Conceptually im just. oh my god i need to get my grubby lil hands on it#but again. before that im In My Naddpod Arc currently and im like. most of the way thru coffin run. god i’ll finish it i promise#it just didnt Grip me as much as the other stuff ive consumed so far. i dont dislike it tho; it’s cool but brain didnt stick as hard#and im like literally one episode from finishing too. like 20 min of the penultimate and the final one thats it#anyway im evidently fuckin rambling i’ll shut up now
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sylph-o-life · 2 months ago
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I think he, based on the sheer amount of self-arguing on the memos, spent a good chunk of time doing that.
Probably split his time between arguing with himself and doing quests (both his own and helping with others), fought monsters in between the two activities.
Also, didn't he end up as the pseudo-leader of both teams? THAT'd take some work.
A lot of Karkat's early behaviour gets explained with him not sleeping for a full month at the age of 13 years old
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altfire · 2 months ago
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finishing book 2 in a series and immediately buying book 3 is all fun and games until i get hit w the terrible dread that there's 7 books in this series and im gonna run out soon
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dialdrunk · 8 months ago
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might start journaling down oc thoughts idk
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alteredphoenix · 8 months ago
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Lv2 kara Cheat datta Motoyuusha Kouho no Mattari Isekai Life...
I remember reading a few chapters of the manga on r/manga about three-four years back, and my memory of it is hazy, so I'm practically going into this blind.
It's a good first episode, other than the last six-seven minutes where the ladies immediately accuse and label Flio of being a predator for simply offering to take Fenrys on an escort quest to the Delaveza Forest via Teleportation, only to play take-backsies not even two minutes later and tell him no can do they're gonna wipe her out because she's actually a demon.
Like, if the accusation was done in a way that hinted to the viewer they were trying not tip the kid off that they were onto her, then the show did a poor job of it and it clearly doesn't go in that direction.
Which is a shame, because you could've had the next episode be about Flio having cute bonding moments with Fenrys, only to get pulled aside by Balirossa and the girls halfway through and be told they're keeping tabs on her because she's soliciting help at a guild she's not registered to and all but signaling she's Dark Army, they know she's lying through her teeth, so that could've added some much-needed tension to the plot. But that's not the story the anime wants to tell, so instead you don't get to know these adventurers that accuse Flio right off the bat (for something they're proven wrong about) and rush from Point A to Point B without any time to let the plot breathe whatsoever.
Here's hoping it recovers from that little stumble, because as an isekai story featuring a God Mode MC there is some potential to it.
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cephalog0d · 1 year ago
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Never forget that time Tim kicked Jason in the nuts mostly just because he was talking shit and Tim was Over It.
(Teen Titans (2003) #47)
Hi! You seem really knowledgeable about Batman so I have a question for you. I’ve been reading a lot of fan fiction lately, especially about Jason and Tim. I’m curious about how accurate the depiction is of their relationship to each other. Did Jason really slit Tim’s throat at one point and try to kill him more than once? I’ve been seeing that a lot, but I can’t find any canon depictions of it. How bad is their relationship in canon?
Jason indeed did slit Tim's throat! :)
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Batman #618
Jason used Tim as bait for his showdown with Bruce while he was pretending to be Hush, and during the standoff he gave Tim a friendly lil slice to the throat. It wasn't a super life-threatening injury, though. As Tim put it: "I'll need stitches. But Catwoman stopped the bleeding."
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Batman #618
And Jason did indeed try to kill Tim more than once! Three times, to be exact! (Before the reboot, at least.)
There was during the Hush storyline, as I already explained above. Prior to that, there was also the Tim vs Jason fight that took place in Titan's Tower shortly after Jason revealed himself to the Batfamily in UTRH and decided to pay his replacement a visit.
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Teen Titans (2003) #29
Then Battle For the Cowl happened, and Tim and Jason went head to head yet again, this time as their own versions of Batman. Jason stabbed Tim with a batarang and left him for dead, going on to tell Dick that Tim was dead as a doornail when Dick came to save him in his own batsuit.
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Batman: Battle For the Cowl #2
So yeah, you could say their relationship wasn't great Pre-52. Jason attempted to recruit Tim as his partner a few times, as if Tim would suddenly become all buddy-buddy with a crazy murderer (which is what the writers tried to make Jason into at the time).
To be honest, I find their relationship during this time hilarious? Jason keeps asking Tim to be friends and Tim keeps reminding Jason that he thinks he's the most annoying person in the world lmao.
Jason: ok i know i tried to kill you a couple times and i resent you for replacing me and also i'm kind of psychotic at the moment, but do you wanna like, hang out? 👉👈
Tim: full offense but i would literally rather die than spend ten minutes with you
Jason: sure that's cool man i get it *proceeds to try and shoot tim's face off*
It's such a fun dynamic.
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Robin #177
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Batman: Battle For the Cowl #2
Jason: *asks tim to be his bestie while he is actively carving tim up with a batarang* (Sir please read the room I'm begging you.)
So that's pretty much how their dynamic was until the New-52 went and made them besties for whatever reason. Jason just really really really wants Tim to join him, Tim really really really wants Jason to leave him alone and stop being crazy. It's a blast.
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arolesbianism · 2 years ago
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1 9 and 14 for moca maybe !!
My first impression of them
Fun fact! I actually low key disliked Moca at first. I think I thought it was too mean or smth? Idk some pussy ass shit that didn't last evidently fkfndjfjfu
Your least favorite outfit of them
Not counting the obvious, I think it's gotta be this motherfucker. I also hate the card it's from. It's so fucking ugly fr
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Best storyline they had
Ok ok. I know I've made it clear how much I love separate paths under one sky, but that event rly just hits much harder paired with its previous event with Ako. Just the way it just can't fathom itself ever seeking to communicate it's issues and how much seeing Ako try her best to do so and how it just further fuels it's own self loathing, and how we get to see that express itself more in its next banner, it's just... Augh. Also this doesn't rly count as a Moca storyline per say but shout out to how willing Moca becomes to accept change when it comes to Lisa. We don't rly get to get in its head proper during these scenes, but I like to think it recognises that Lisa struggles with a lot of the same things it does, and as a result puts in more work to be the stronger person she needs in those moments. Their friendship is just so important 2 me man
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weemssapphic · 4 months ago
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Hi there :)
I was wondering if you would be open to writing a Larissa x Reader fic where reader is dealing with vaginismus? I don't ever see it discussed.
The details can be up to you.
Thanks!
hello! i don't want to say i'm back but like... half, maybe 🥺 tbf I know who sent this request, it's been a while since we've talked about this but thank you!!! so much!!!
for anyone who is unfamiliar with vaginismus, it's a condition where the vaginal walls contract involuntarily when anything (a dildo, a penis, a tampon, a finger, medical instrument... etc...) is inserted into the vagina. this makes the vaginal canal very narrow and can cause significant pain and anxiety. i highly recommend doing more reading if you haven't heard of it.
s.e.x.
Larissa Weems x virgin!reader
words: ~5k | ao3 link in title
content/warnings: pwp/smut (minors dni pls), virgin!reader, vaginismus, cunnilingus, vaginal fingering
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“Mmh… is this alright?” Larissa mumbles against your lips as her fingers toy with the button of your trousers, her other hand buried in your hair as she hovers over you in the center of her king-sized bed. 
You hum in affirmation, her breath hot against your lips as her tongue brushes against your own, drawing a deep moan from your chest. “You can take them off,” you murmur breathlessly, and Larissa smiles into the kiss as she swiftly undoes the button and drags the zipper down, her hand slipping into the open trousers and cupping your pussy. Her fingers press against the wet spot at the center of your underwear and her smile turns into a smirk.
“So wet,” she coos, the word sounding absolutely sinful as it drips from her lips and brings a fresh wave of arousal to your core, your underwear now absolutely soaked. Your head tips back against the pillows and you let out an involuntary whimper, your cheeks slowly but surely turning a lovely shade of pink at the embarrassment of being so deeply and utterly turned on simply from making out with Larissa.
The two of you have been seeing each other for a few weeks now and, while you’ve finally managed to wrap your head around the fact that she does, in fact, like you back, you still find yourself growing shy around the shapeshifter, your attraction to her somehow growing by the day. At first you’d been nervous to tell Larissa that you’ve never had sex before - but, as with all things, she took it in stride, assuring you that it didn’t matter to her and she’d let you set the pace. On the drive back to her apartment after dinner tonight, her hand on your thigh had prompted you to mention you think you’re ready, which prompted a heated makeout session against the back of Larissa’s front door that ended up leading straight to her bed.
Larissa’s fingers press down a little harder against your cunt, rubbing back and forth, before she retracts her hand from inside of your trousers and reaches for the waistband, giving it a gentle tug. You move your hips and help her to pull them down, kicking them off into a heap at the foot of the bed. 
Her hand lands on your lower belly, her pinky toying with the hem of your shirt as her lips leave yours and begin to trail along your jaw instead. Your skin feels like it could go up in flames at the slightest touch as Larissa’s hand slips beneath the fabric of your shirt and behind your back, fingers digging into your flesh as she holds you close and presses her torso against yours. 
Your back arches of its volition, your body burning with a need to get even closer to her, your fingers twisting in her updo as you let out an involuntary moan into her mouth. “Fuck, Riss…” you mumble as she gives your own hair a little tug, before she shifts slightly above you, straddling you and pinning you to the bed as her hand leaves your hair and falls to your hip. She soothes her palm up your torso, pushing your shirt up until her fingertips hit the underwire of your bra - she breaks the kiss and her gaze meets yours, and you’re certain you’ve never looked this aroused before in your life, and you nod as you realize that she’s silently asking for permission to take your shirt off.
Goosebumps rise on your skin as Larissa tugs your shirt over your head and tosses it carelessly aside, her eyes darkening as they roam your (almost) bare torso - it’s more of you than she’s ever seen, and she seems to be drinking it in intensely for a moment, before dropping her head to your chest and peppering open-mouthed kisses to the tops of your breasts that peek out from your bra, her hands soothing over your hips. 
Her lips feel heavenly on your tits but it’s not enough, and you reach behind your back as you arch off the bed to fumble with the clasp of your bra, which you quickly rid yourself of. Larissa looks up at you through her lashes, her lips curling into a pleased smile as she kisses her way to your right nipple, maintaining eye contact with you as she wraps her lips around the small pink bud.
It hardens almost instantly beneath her tongue, coaxing a moan from her throat that shoots straight to your core and makes you shiver in delight as your eyes fall shut. You can feel her fingertips start to toy with the waistband of your underwear and you lift your hips without thinking, silently encouraging Larissa to pull it down. You feel her pause, her tongue stilling against your nipple, so you mumble out a “please, Larissa…” that motivates her to continue, tugging your underwear as far down your legs as she can without releasing your nipple from between her lips - you reach down and bend your legs to tug them off the rest of the way.
Opening your eyes, you realize that Larissa is still very much clothed, and it makes you blush profusely, feeling slightly exposed even in the dim light of the lamp in the corner of the room. “Your turn,” you whisper hoarsely, tracing your fingertips over a crease in the sleeve of Larissa’s dress.
She hums and releases your nipple with a pop, sitting up and making quick work of her dress and stockings before straddling you again, now only in her bra and underwear. “That better, darling?” she purrs, a smirk playing on her lips as she reaches behind herself to undo the clasp of her bra. You nod absentmindedly, barely registering Larissa’s chuckle as your eyes are glued to her chest. She allows the burgundy cups to fall from her breasts, exposing pale, supple skin, her nipples slowly and visibly hardening against the slight chill in the bedroom.
You cannot help the way your gaze traces her body - her defined collarbones and strong, freckled shoulders, a contrast to the softness of her breasts and the slight swell of her stomach where it disappears into lacy underwear, plush thighs that bracket your own naked body. You swallow thickly even as your mouth goes dry, your mind racing to compute how you ended up with this goddess straddling you.
“You’re staring,” Larissa whispers, her voice gentler than before as it pulls you out of your reverie - your gaze snaps up to her face to see her looking down at you affectionately, her smirk having softened slightly.
“S-sorry, continue,” you mumble, feeling your face and chest grow hot - it makes Larissa chuckle, which only makes you blush more. “You’re beautiful,” you blurt out, and that makes Larissa blush, her smile turning shy for only a moment.
“Not quite as beautiful as you,” she counters as she leans back down, the smirk returning to her face and her blush fading rapidly - you’re about to protest when she sucks your pulse point between her lips and flicks her tongue across it, and it draws a moan from your throat as your mind goes blank.
As Larissa settles on top of you, one of her hands buries itself in your hair and the other finds your hip, her thumb caressing your hip bone before slowly traveling lower. You think you hear her mumble something like “so soft” as she moans breathily against your neck, but you’re too distracted by the way your skin feels like it’s on fire beneath her touch and the way her fingernails scratching at your scalp send a noticeable shiver down your spine - one that seems to spur Larissa on as she smiles against your skin and grazes her teeth over the bruise she’s just created, her fingers finding the patch of curls between your legs.
It brings a fresh wave of heat to your core, some of your arousal trickling out of you in anticipation, and you ease your hands in her hair, unsure of what else to do with them aside from fist at the sheets. Apparently this was the right move - as you give Larissa’s hair a tug, she moans and gives yours a tug in return. You can feel her smile against your skin, clearly enjoying herself as she marks your neck in hues of red and purple, and the thought of her enjoying herself just by pleasing you turns you on even more as you buck your hips impatiently, your clit throbbing with need.
A soft chuckle vibrates against the underside of your jaw and then Larissa’s fingers have found your clit and pressed down lightly, and the touch alone is nearly enough to make stars explode behind your eyes. “Fuck,” you moan breathily, and it makes Larissa chuckle again and raise her head to watch you as you tilt your own head backwards, your eyes scrunched shut. 
A smirk tugs at the corners of Larissa’s lips as her fingertips slide lower, dipping into the arousal gathered between your folds - and, fuck, does it feel heavenly, your breath catching in your throat as her lips find your neck again and kiss a slow, sensual trail up to your ear, matching the pace of her fingers exploring your cunt. Your hands slide from her hair to her shoulders, thumbs gently and absentmindedly caressing her collarbones in a subconscious effort to ground yourself and keep yourself from floating away.
As Larissa’s fingers circle your entrance, teasing the dripping hole, your stomach sinks a little. There’s one thing you haven’t mentioned to Larissa yet - it didn’t seem necessary when you weren’t having sex and now that you suddenly are, you’re not quite sure how to say it without ruining the mood. 
When you’d first broached the subject of masturbation with your friends, you quickly realized you were a bit different - whereas your peers shared recommendations for vibrators or, later, mentioned casually how big their boyfriends were, you could barely fit the tip of your own finger inside of yourself. When you did manage to push past it and go a bit deeper, it stung like hell, and no amount of lube or curling your finger against your supposed sweet spot made it any more pleasurable.
But maybe it’s different when it’s someone else, you think. Maybe it’s different when it’s Larissa; gorgeous, sexy, patient Larissa - because you’re more turned on than you ever have been, you’re absolutely drenched, and Larissa is being so sweet and so gentle. So, maybe, it won’t hurt if she does it. 
It does. 
You can tell as she slips the tip of her finger into your entrance that she’s not going to get very far, and your grip on her shoulders tightens just as much as your vaginal walls do, your stomach slowly but surely tying itself into a knot. 
“Breathe, darling,” Larissa coos. “Relax for me…” She thinks you’re just nervous, she doesn’t realize yet that it doesn’t feel good at all, and you don’t know how to tell her without ruining the mood so you bite your lip. 
“Is this alright?” Larissa’s voice is breathy with desire as she sinks her finger slowly into you, and you cling desperately to the hope that, the farther she gets, it will start to feel nice - you hope it will start to feel the way all your friends have described it to you, that the pain will give way to pleasure.
It doesn’t. 
It feels just the same as when you do it - like she’s scraping at your walls, like putting a tampon in dry, even though you know for a fact you’ve never been this wet in your life. 
Your walls are clenching around Larissa’s finger, though it’s not sexy, it’s painful, but how do you say something when she’s clearly enjoying herself? And what if she reacts the way most of your friends have done, with incredulous disbelief? What if she wants to stop entirely?
You’re so lost in your own mind that you don’t realize Larissa’s finger has stilled inside of you, no longer sinking further into you. She’s pulled back to watch your face again, your lack of verbal response to her question coupled with your fingernails digging painfully into her shoulder having quickly signaled to her that something isn’t quite right. The look on your face confirms it, your eyes screwed shut and your brow furrowed but not quite in bliss, and Larissa uses her free hand to tuck a stray lock of hair behind your ear and trace her fingertips along your cheekbone. 
“Darling? Are you alright?” 
Your eyes snap open and your stomach sinks further at the look of concern in the shapeshifter’s eyes, a pit forming at the idea of disappointing her. 
“Does this hurt?”
A beat. 
A moment where the world stands still and you feel your blood go cold as you struggle to articulate exactly what you’re feeling. 
You nod. 
“I’m going to pull out,” Larissa whispers instantly, her tone so soft and gentle that you can feel a film of tears forming over your eyes. You nod again and Larissa pulls her finger out of you as slowly as she can. The relief when your cunt is empty again is palpable, your grip on Larissa’s shoulders instantly loosening, and you watch in amazement, briefly distracted, as she sucks her finger between her lips to lick it clean as if it’s the most normal thing in the world, suppressing a little hum before adjusting her body against yours and cupping your cheek.
She rests her chin on your chest and looks up at you with big, sparkling blue eyes, eyes that shine with concern and affection in equal measure, her gaze so sincere that you have to look away for a moment and take a deep, steadying breath, bringing your hands to the back of Larissa’s neck to play with the stray blonde wisps at the base of her skull.
“S-sorry,” you mumble, your face suddenly feeling hot as a blush rises to your cheeks - you find yourself blinking rapidly to keep your tears at bay. 
“You have nothing to apologize for,” Larissa says softly, her thumb stroking back and forth across your cheekbone as her brow creases. “What happened?”
“I-it just doesn’t feel g-good, I guess…” you mumble, taking another deep breath as you think for a moment how you’d like to word what you have to say. Larissa can tell you’re thinking hard and she waits patiently - you can feel the subtle rise and fall of her chest against your body, her thumb on your cheekbone and her other hand resting on your shoulder, rubbing tenderly at your skin. “It… just kind of hurts… penetration, I mean… I have vaginismus, so I’ve never even really been able to use tampons or anything, either…”
Understanding floods Larissa’s features at your mention of vaginismus and she nods gently against your chest, waiting for you to continue - you don’t, you don’t really know what else to say.
“Does it hurt when you touch yourself, too?” she asks curiously, breaking the silence that, at least for you, has become somewhat uncomfortable.
“Yeah… I’ve never understood why people like it so much, or how it’s supposed to feel good.”
Larissa smiles softly at that. “Well, what feels good to you?”
You feel the heat of your darkening blush as you, once again, grapple for the right words, vulnerability flooding your veins as you lay yourself bare for Larissa. “A-anything on the outside, I guess… like touching my clit…”
As you speak, Larissa starts to slide the hand that was on your cheek down your body, fingertips lightly caressing the side of your breast, the dip of your waist, the curve of your hip, until they’ve reached your venus mound. “Does this feel good?” she husks, her fingertips grazing over your clit in a circle, just as before, her gaze staying trained on your face.
The gasp you let out as your hands slide back into Larissa’s updo tells her all she needs to know - a smirk tugs at the corners of Larissa’s lips as you give her hair a pull, and she applies a bit more pressure to your clit, watching as your eyes fall shut and your head lolls back against the pillow, your back arching off the bed. 
“Will you tell me if you want to stop?” she asks softly, her voice an octave lower than before.
“Y-yes - I-I mean, I d-don’t wanna stop,” you murmur, a wave of pleasure washing over you as her fingers slide between your folds again. This time, they only ghost over your entrance, enough to gather your arousal on her fingertips and smear it across your clit as she starts to massage the bundle of nerves. 
Her lips find your sternum and she lets out a deep hum that vibrates against your skin as she kisses her way down the valley between your breasts, down your stomach, leaving a trail of goosebumps in her wake. It’s not until her free hand comes to rest on your thigh that you open your eyes and look down at Larissa, the sight of the blonde between your legs drawing a moan from your chest.
“Spread your legs a bit for me,” she purrs, smirking when you immediately do as you’re told. “Good girl.”
Your stomach flips and you grind your hips a little harder against Larissa’s fingers, the coil behind your navel beginning to tighten as she praises you. 
“Tell me if this doesn’t feel good,” she whispers, pressing her lips to your inner thigh and gently nipping and sucking at the soft flesh, her hooded eyes never leaving your own. She removes her fingers from your clit and the whine that escapes your throat at the loss makes you blush - you don’t have time to be embarrassed, however, as her fingers are replaced with her lips wrapping around your clit. 
Larissa’s eyelids flutter shut, a deep, guttural moan vibrating against your cunt as she starts to suck your clit - the feeling is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. Your hands curl into fists in her hair, your body tensing, and Larissa wraps her arms securely around your thighs, her own hands rubbing your skin in a soothing manner.
“Relax, darling, I’ve got you,” she coos breathlessly, before licking a path up your slit, exploring your folds with her tongue. It dips into your entrance only the tiniest bit, then finds its way back to your clit to stimulate the throbbing bud with little kitten licks. The deep breath you take comes back out as a moan, and you try to do as you’re told and let Larissa pleasure you without getting in your head about it. 
It’s hard at first but you slowly start to relax, your trust in Larissa growing with every flick of her tongue as your mind empties itself of doubt - there’s not a trace of pain, only overwhelming, earth-shattering pleasure, and what little embarrassment was left inside of you has long since evaporated into thin air as your orgasm looms ever closer.
Larissa can tell you’re getting close by the way your thighs are beginning to shake in her hold, your hips bucking wantonly against her face as you become a little bolder, trying to take control and fuck yourself on her tongue. She can’t help but smile a bit, moaning a little louder than before for your benefit and enjoying the way it has your eyes rolling back in your head.
“F-fffuck, Riss, th-think ‘m g-gonna cum…” you moan, unaware of how you’re subconsciously pushing Larissa’s head down and how your thighs are threatening to snap shut around her ears. You cum with another flick of Larissa’s tongue, your jaw falling slack to let out a moan that sounds so pornographic that you can’t quite believe it’s come out of your own mouth.
You feel like you’re floating, and it feels so good that you don’t realize that one of Larissa’s arms has left your thigh until she moans as well and you look down to see Larissa writhing against the bed - one hand clearly stuck in her underwear as she masturbates to the sound, the feeling, the sight of you coming undone on her tongue.
Blown pupils meet your own beneath mascara-coated lashes, Larissa looking hungrily up at you from between your legs, her lips still wrapped around your clit, and you can feel her smirk grow against your cunt as she bucks her own hips against her hand. Her gaze never wavers, though her eyelashes do flutter a bit as she works herself to the edge - her fingernails dig almost painfully into your thigh and her breathing becomes slow and shallow as her body begins to tremble.
“Fuck, Larissa,” you moan - with Larissa now cumming all over her own fingers, the need to touch her has become overwhelming, and you tug insistently at her hair, relaxing your thighs so that they’re no longer flush against Larissa’s ears. She releases your clit and pulls her hand out of her underwear, pushing herself up on all fours and crawling up your body until she’s resting beside you. She goes to cup your cheek and you turn your head, taking her fingers into your mouth. 
Larissa’s pupils dilate further as she watches you suck her arousal off her fingers, your cheeks hollowing out and your eyes fluttering shut as your tongue teases the seam of her fingers - she tastes so fucking good that you can’t help but moan, your cunt clenching and your hands seeking out Larissa’s waist to pull her closer, one hand sliding down her hip and tugging at her thigh to encourage her to hook it over your own. 
You release her fingers with a pop and open your eyes to find Larissa swallowing thickly, her lips parting and her tongue darting out to wet them - her gaze has fallen to your own lips and it gives you the encouragement you need to kiss her.
“Wanna make you feel good, too,” you mumble against her lips, drawing a moan from her chest as she deepens the kiss. She licks into your mouth, full of enthusiasm and need, her hands tangling in your hair and her nails gently raking along your scalp.
Taking the lead, Larissa starts to rock her hips - her underwear is soaked and it makes your skin prickle with heat where her cunt rubs against your thigh. Your hand slides up to her hip, just feeling it roll sensually beneath your palm for a moment, before you slip your fingers beneath the waistband of her underwear and give it a tug. Larissa helps you, moving her hips and placing her hand atop yours as you slide it down as far as it’ll go - she breaks the kiss as she kicks it off the rest of the way, then cups your cheek and crashes her lips against yours once more.
“Touch me,” Larissa sighs as she deepens the kiss, grinding her clit against your thigh, spreading her slick across your skin - you don’t need to be told twice, twisting in her arms to get just enough distance between the two of you so that you can trail your fingertips down her stomach. 
Touching Larissa feels like a heavenly privilege - her abdomen rippling beneath your touch, the soft patch of curls on her venus mound, her hands sliding into your hair, long fingers twisting and holding you in place as her soft, velvety tongue brushes against your own. You slip your hand between her legs, swiping two fingers up her slit - they glide effortlessly towards her clit with how aroused she is, her slick silky against your fingertips as you trace a circle around her clit and revel in the way Larissa’s hips twitch at the contact, the way her breath hitches against your lips.
Your other hand slides up Larissa’s waist, tracing the underside of her breast before cupping it and giving it a gentle squeeze - Larissa arches into your touch with a sound halfway between a sigh and a moan, her lips curling into a smile against yours.
“F-ffeels g-good,” she murmurs. “K-keep going…” 
You take your time circling her clit and exploring her folds, and it’s making your own arousal reach new heights as you feel how Larissa responds to your touch. Every time your fingers trace around her entrance Larissa’s hips buck harder against your hand - your breath is shallow with anticipation as you decide to slip one finger inside of her, and then you stop breathing entirely for a moment as you feel Larissa’s walls, warm and wet and unbelievably soft, clench around you.
“Fuck…” you breathe out, pulling away from the kiss for just a moment to regain your breath. Larissa’s breathing is just as ragged as your own and, as you meet her gaze, you see just how desperately turned on she is. “C-can I add another finger?” you stutter out, and it makes Larissa chuckle a little as she nods and rocks her hips.
You add a second finger and her walls clench again - it’s a bit of a tighter fit and it has your own walls clenching in tandem with hers as you sink your fingers as deep inside of her as you can, watching her face carefully for any sign of pain, or any sign you’re doing something wrong. You’re only met with pleasure and bliss, however, Larissa’s lips parting as her head tips back a bit and her eyelashes flutter as she fights to keep her eyes on yours.
You might not enjoy penetration but it’s clear Larissa does - her hips grind in time with each pump of your fingers, her grip in your hair tightening as her body tenses and arches with each ministration. You’ve added your thumb to the mix, lightly massaging her swollen clit as your other hand fondles her chest, pinching and pulling at her nipple and squeezing the soft, supple flesh. 
Larissa’s moans pick up in volume as you pick up your pace, a string of soft, breathy ‘ah, ah, ah’s falling from her lips. Her eyes flutter shut and her brow creases as her cunt clenches particularly hard around your fingers, and you can feel by the way her thighs have begun to tremble that she’s close. You’re unable to kiss her properly as her jaw keeps falling a little slack, so you press your lips to her neck and start to suck and nibble at her pulse point, hoping to tip her over the edge.
“Mmmh… c-can you add another?” 
Larissa’s mumbled words confuse you for a moment and you’re about to hum in question against her neck when understanding floods your system - you push in a third finger with your next thrust, feeling Larissa stretch around you, and her moans go from soft and breathy to deep and guttural as her hips stutter.
It only takes a few more pumps of your fingers to send her over the edge, her hands tugging painfully at your hair as her arousal coats your fingers, the knot behind her navel snapping and sending her into orbit. You can feel her chest heave beneath your hand as she arches her back, her head lolling back against the pillow and offering you better access to her neck as her hips lose their rhythm entirely and her entire body tenses beneath you. 
You continue to fuck her through her high, until her body starts to relax and sink into the mattress, her cunt now merely twitching with the aftershocks of her orgasm. Your hand leaves her breast to thread itself into her hair and your thumb stills against her clit as you stop pumping your fingers. Her own hands loosen their grip in your hair, just resting against your head as she holds you in place to take deep, steadying breaths. 
“Is it okay if I pull out?” you whisper between soft, lazy kisses to Larissa’s neck, and you wait for her nod before you gently remove your fingers from her cunt. Larissa’s hand searches blindly for your wrist, lifting it gingerly, and you raise your head to watch as she wraps her lips around your fingers and sucks, humming softly. 
She looks so goddamn ethereal, her face flushed, her forehead slicked with sweat that her little platinum curls are sticking to, her brow fully relaxed, only a shadow of a crease visible. When she opens her eyes to meet your gaze, she releases your fingers from between her lips and smiles, pushing herself up slightly on the bed and wrapping her arms around you to pull you on top of her. 
“How are you feeling, darling?” she whispers, her voice slightly hoarse, and you bite your lip as you curl into her. 
“Really good,” you mumble. “I should be asking you that…”
Larissa chuckles. “So ask me.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Really good,” she repeats, her voice teasing - but the sparkle in her eyes as she looks down at you confirms her words, and it makes you blush. 
Larissa’s fingertips dance along your spine for a bit - it grounds you, making you feel safer and more loved than you ever have in your life. Her lips pepper tender kisses to every inch of skin that she can reach, and her legs intertwine themselves with yours in an effort to hold you close.
“You know, darling, penetration isn’t everything,” she whispers after a while. “There are so many things we can do that don’t involve penetration at all…” Larissa’s tone is suggestive and a fresh wave of arousal pools in your core at her words, all sorts of sinful ideas running through your mind.
“Yeah?” you croak out, your voice betraying your growing desire. “Why don’t you show me then?”
You look up just in time to catch the widening of Larissa’s pupils as she smirks down at you, and her hand starts to make its way down your hip, giving your thigh a tug. “I just might…”
x
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A/N: I'm always here (even if I'm not posting) to talk about vaginismus and anything else of that nature 🤍 much love and thank you for reading 🤍
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seongclb · 1 year ago
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— enhypen when they marry a fan on live to make their s/o jealous !
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idol!enhypen x reader, established relationship au, fluff & no warnings.
hi guys! hope you enjoy my first work <3
♫ sunshine girl by jakob
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𖠗 이희승 | lee heeseung.
oh gosh
definitely would tease you but at the same time shower you in affection bc he just finds it so so cute that you’re jealous over something like this AAAAA
you’d probably be sitting in the corner of the room while he was on live, reading comments.
at first, even, you’d probably be studying rather than paying that much attention to your boyfriend
but your ears perk up at your boyfriend reading a rather concerning comment
“heeseung will you marry me for ten seconds?”
he lets out a giggle.
and slightly glances at your expression where you’re sitting with a raised brow.
he smiles back at the camera and starts counting down from ten.
you would have scoffed if not for the fear that the fans would hear
as soon as the live ended, you look at him with straight face
“what is it, love?” you almost throw your notepad at the smirk on his lips
“love?” you question. “shouldn’t you be calling your wife that?”
he’d probably walk over to you and wrap his arms around your crossed arms and place a kiss on your forehead :(
“i divorced them bc of how cute you are”
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𖠗 박종성 | park jongseong.
i don’t think jay would ever think to do something like this to his beloved himself
he was on live with jungwon and niki who read the comment “jay hyung, a fan asked if you’d marry them for ten seconds”
jay would be hesitant but after seeing a playful expression on his two younger members faces, something irked him to play along
he knew you were at home watching so he suddenly thought about how fun it would be
“sure!” he smiles and counts down from ten.
now, when he gets home he expects to be questioned on why on earth he would agree to that
but instead
hes punished with silent treatment
oh boy does he work for you to give him attention
“y/n, it wasn’t even me! jungwon and niki read it out! if i saw it i wouldn’t have even read it!”
can’t sleep if you don’t talk to him
if you talk to him but you’re still evidently mad, hes gonna cling onto you like a koala when he sleeps
meaning you’re stuck there until you show him some love bc hes never gonna do smth like this again
will probably tell of jungwon and niki for no reason 😭
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𖠗 심재윤 | sim jaeyun.
sigh
the type to say “10 seconds?? i’ll marry you for way longer” with a wink or something
or even something like “you only wanna marry me for 10 seconds? that’s a shame, i won’t even be able to give u what u deserve”
deadass would say smth cheesy you can’t fight me on this one and it would be merely for the reason that he knows you’re eventually gonna see it even if you arent rn
and that’s exactly what happens
you probably won’t have seen it for like the first day but since you’re so obsessed with your bf, you follow his name hashtag on like every social media platform
so when a certain video in particular is trending on every single one of those apps, you know it’s bad. you know who you’re dating after all
at this point, jake doesn’t even remember what he said so when you angrily go over to his dorms, phone in hand and ready to scold him, he’s like “when did i even do that?” which only makes you more mad
then when he realises omg he gets so excited like “AAA i’ve been waiting for this”
and then just smothers you in kisses and hugs bc you’re too adorable and no one else compares
*crying* but so are you bc you’re wondering how many more fans he’s gonna flirt with for the rest of your lives together
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𖠗 박성훈 | park sunghoon.
this mf omggggg
would def do it with the hopes that you’ll just be so cute with him afterwards so he could just tease you
and tbf that’s what he ends up getting so for him it’s like a success
not only would he agree to marrying them but tbh i think sunghoon would do a bit more
like hugging the camera, bragging about his looks knowing the fans would comment all sorts of things etc
he would just do the most for no reason.
“aww is my baby jealous over a ten second relationship with a fan who i’ve never met? that’s so cute” *cheek pinch*
you’d whack away his hand and pout
“that’s all it took for you to marry someone else :(”
he laughs at all your responses but part of him actually feels bad
he gives you a bit of secret reassurance like before you go to sleep, he’ll cuddle you a bit tighter and say sweet things to you
“you’re so perfect, baby, i’m so lucky to have you.” “i don’t know what i’d do without you, my cute baby”
lots of cheek kisses and pinches
LORDDDD 🙏
soft hoon unleashes in the night
in the day he goes back to “which fan should i let have me for today” to which you throw a pillow at him for
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