#but steve is overrated and i still fucking love him so

[strangeswift]

Wait no I think I do like Eddie's character actually. I just don't like fanon Eddie. I was rewatching s4 scenes for writing purposes and I do like him. I just.. forgot.

[stuckysbike]

Mine

I wrote this whilst drunk. Im still drunk so there’ll probably be mistakes and there all mine.

Notes: fluff, angst, possessive Bucky? happy ending.

Bucky/Reader various.

Your eyebrows furrowed and you scowled narrowing your eyes dramatically as you drew your straw between your lips. The sweet honey whiskey and soda flowed gently over your tongue.

Beside you Peter Parker giggled.

You ignored him. “I fucking hate that bitch.”

“Now now,” Peter Quill, the barman, chastised. You gave him the finger.

“Bugger off Quill,” he returned the sentiment as he walked away, clearing your view.

You sighed in irritation. “What were you wanting to happen?” Wanda asked softly.

“A sinkhole, big enough for her, to swallow her,” you muttered darkly.

“Are there sinkholes in New York?” Pietro asked.

“There are sinkholes wherever the fuck I want sinkholes to be,” you muttered darkly. You took another sip of your drink and waved at Quill for a refill.

There was another loud laugh and her hand brushed down Bucky’s chest.

“I also am suspicious of her,” Zemo leaned close. You elbowed him in the gut and he drew back with an oaf.

“Oh for fuck sake here comes fanboy number three,” you glowered as Sam walked through the door followed by Joaquin. Jay had the decency to roll his eyes and head towards you leaving Sam with Steve and Bucky to fawn over Sharon.

“She’s overrated,” Jay said taking the seat next to you.

“Thank you!” You cried.

“At least you have more friends than her,” Pietro said.

“I am honoured to be part of this friend grou-“

“NO!” You, Peter, Wanda, Pietro and Jay called.

Zemo pouted and you drew your attention away. In another life he’d be cute but he was, well he was Zemo.

Sharon had slid her arm around Bucky’s waist and his arm was on her shoulders when you looked back. Sharon was cooing at how cute Steve and Sam were as a couple. You imagined crushing her windpipe, but you were no special agent. You were just a normal girl with a normal life who happened to fall in love with your fuck buddy neighbour who was none other than Bucky Barnes.

“I could take her out,” Pietro said. “It would be so fast no one would know.”

You considered this but dismissed it. Instead you ordered another drink. And that’s how you found yourself dancing with none other than…Zemo.

God you hated his pretty smug face. “God I hate your pretty smug face.” You said.

Zemo didn’t care, just wiggled his hips. Behind him Sharon was dancing with Sam but she kept glancing back at Bucky.

This morning you woke in his arms, his lips dancing across your shoulders but now you hated him. Your chest hurt and you wanted to sit in a corner and scream like a petulant child. Instead you returned to your seat as the song ended.

Bucky moved over beside you and you studied his profile out of the corner of your eye.

“What?” You asked.

“What are you doing?” He nodded towards Zemo.

You followed his gaze. “He’s…cute.”

Bucky snorted and you turned to look at him. “You could do better.”

“You and Sharon looked cosy earlier,” you said.

“Yeah she’s a good girl,” Bucky murmured looking her way.

You made a face and took a drink. Bucky was looking at you again. “Meh, she’s not all that.”

“You don’t like her?” Bucky asked.

You shrugged a shoulder. “I hate her,” you admitted.

“Why?” Bucky sounded genuinely confused.

She’s got you, say it say she’s got you.

Instead you shrugged. “It’s a vibe I get,” you muttered. “She seems like your type, pretty, fit, skilled. You should date her.”

“She asked me out earlier,” Bucky admitted.

You nodded in understanding. This morning was the last time you would be with him. He’d move on and so would his friends and eventually you’d be a memory.

“Where are you going?” You asked. Your body ached, your heart most of all. You weren’t pretty it sexy enough for him. Bucky wanted a girl like her. You could already imagine them together.

“Said no,” Bucky told you. You turned to look at him. “I didn’t like it when Pietro hugged you earlier. Or when Zemo danced with you.”

“Why not?” You breathed.

Bucky leaned close until you could see the blue of his eyes. “I was jealous.”

“Jealous?” You cocked your head. He smiled again.

“Jealous. I wanted to cut their hands off for daring to touch you,” he growled as he leaned closer. You couldn’t resist resting your hand on his chest. His dog tags were nestled beneath his shirt.

“Touch me?” You repeated.

Bucky’s smirk was wide. “You’re my girl, and I’m about sick of other people not knowing that,” he said.

You made a fist, catching the tags under his black tee and pulling him closer. He tasted of whiskey and musk and Bucky and you sighed into his body. His kiss was hot and his stubble rasped against you but you didn’t care.

Cheers erupted around you and there were a few catcalls.

“About time,” Quill muttered darkly.

“Bucky. I’m drunk. I want to go home and have lazy sloppy sex.” You said kissing his cheek wetly.

“Yeah?” He asked as he looked at you. You nodded, and together you walked out of the bar. Before you left you caught sight of Sharon glowering your way. Bucky’s arm was on your shoulders and you snuggled closer to his body blowing her a kiss as you passed by. You didn’t see her response but you guessed what exactly it was.

Smiling, you leaned into your boyfriend as you walked home.

[flowercrowngods]

It’s dark when Eddie comes home, but he knows Steve‘s home, working on all those damn essays and papers and whatever the horrors of academia might have in their repertoire for him today. Lights out might either be a really good sign or a really bad one. Eddies hoping for the latter as he pulls off his shoes and shucks his jacket.

He doesn’t call out to Steve, doesn’t want to wake him if he’s asleep or startle him if he’s overwhelmed, potentially making it worse. Eddie hates making it worse.

Stepping into the living room, he finds his love lying on the floor. Still, could be incredibly good or incredibly bad.

“Stevie,” he says gently, almost a whisper, and smiles when he gets a reaction rather immediately. It’s too dark to really see his eyes, but—

They catch the light just so when Steve moves his head to look at Eddie, and he can see unshed tears in them. His heart aches and he’s on the floor beside him in a heartbeat.

“Oh, love, hi,” he says.

“Hi,” Steve says, smiling through the hoarseness of his voice. “Didn’t wanna turn on the lights.” He sniffs, reaching up to wipe at his face.

Eddie just shakes his head and lifts a hand to comb through Steve’s hair, ruffled and wild and absolutely adorable. “That’s fine, don’t worry about it. Lights are overrated anyway.” He leans down to kiss Steve’s forehead, the tip of his nose, and finally his lips. “Did the essays win?”

“No,” Steve says with a sigh, m reaching for Eddie’s hand to keep him close. “I won. But at what cost.”

Eddie snorts at that, a laugh bubbling out of his chest as he quickly lies down to join Steve, their fingers still laced in a gentle but secure grip.

“At the cost of me not having to wipe the floor tomorrow, so that’s actually great,” he jokes, revelling in Steve’s chuckle.

“You never wipe the floor, Eddie.”

“Hush, love. We’re having Floor Time.”

Steve sighs and makes it sound like cuddling close to Eddie and resting his beautiful head on the Black Sabbath print is the greatest hardship life could possibly throw at. God, Eddie loves him so fucking much.

“I love you so fucking much.”

“Hush, love,” Steve retaliates with a smile and a kiss to Eddie’s jaw. “We’re having Floor Time.”

So fucking much.

[pbs-theundeadmaggot]

Stay

Steve Harrington x fem!reader

[a/n] sorry for the lack of posts for valen-cries I’m still working on my requests but I thought I’d finish this wip. Also if it wasn't obvious this is a songfic based on stay by Colorblind

[warnings!] self deprecation, metaphorical abuse? Implication of drugs but not actually taking any cause it’s also metaphorical. Its just angsty and ambiguous, feel free to interpret the ending how you wish.

Valen-cries masterlist available here!

Abuse me, I like the punishment

You keep me focused, I don't need no Ritalin

I like when you keep me guessing, its alright

Its alright

It was only supposed to be one night but one night turned into two., two to three until there were too many to count. It had started with just some light flirting and the odd touch yet it quickly became so much more, so much so that you weren’t sure where you stood anymore. 

Steve was so persuasive with his sweet whispers and cheeky looks, how could you refuse? It didn’t help that you had a major crush on him back in high school and the moment he’d so much as looked your way, you’d fallen again. 

How pathetic, here you were fighting off your feelings for a guy who only ever saw you as a fuck buddy. Just another toy to warm his bed like numerous others before you, as if you even stood a chance. However, saying that you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Can we turn our feelings off?

I need you baby, just for one night,

One night

He’d call at the same time every night you spent apart, his gravely voice sending chills down your spine in the silence of your bedroom, where the boundaries of friendship and romance blurred across the distance. Some nights you’d talk for hours and hours, others simply bask in each others silence finding the need for words overrated.

In the darkness of the night you’d find yourself tracing over the freckles and faint scars that kissed his skin, trying to memorise every inch of him as if he would disappear at any second. If you could contain this memory forever you would, alas that would only make the pain harder when you inevitably parted.

I know what you’re looking for,

You make it feel like its the first time, every time

Every time

Coming down from the high was always difficult, doubt crippling you as you lay cold and empty. You tell yourself it will be the last time and it never is, the unhealthy hold he has over you enticing you back again and again. Unsure of wether you could do this anymore and chest tightening with every breath, what other choice was there but to run?

I don't really wanna fight right now,

I don't really see the point right now,

And if the love wasn’t real enough what the hell we gonna do when the truth comes out?

Steve wasn’t really one for commitment, you both knew that, so why did it hurt so much watching you leave each time? Would you stay if he asked? Or were you only in it for the sex? He had no right to ask, his reputation made sure of that but that didn’t stop the conflicting feelings threatening to spill with your presence. 

I’d rather start it on a blank page,

I think I like it with a new face

You dont wanna wait for me, its safe to be

Stuck inside this place where we keep faking things,

Running in circles looking for an end that didn’t exist seemed pointless but anything was easier than confronting your feelings, even uncertainty felt more stable than the mess you were floating in, head barley above water and still refusing to swim. You hadn’t realised that in the ocean of your mind Steve had been searching for you, begging you to stay afloat with him. 

I think you’re finally breaking me,

The way it seems you’re making me,

Stay 

[starkstruck27]

Tag game: Stranger Things Edition!!

I was tagged by my bestie @oopsiedaisiesbaby. Love you!!💚💚

1. Ride or die ship (your otp): Harringrove

2. Most annoying ship: Mileven

3. Second favorite ship: probably mungrove (bonus points if I get the best of both worlds and it ends up as harringroveson)

4. Favorite platonic relationship: Either stobin or elmax. They're both amazing <3

5. Underrated ship: gonna go with elmax again for this one. Or Keg Boys. I feel like they don't get as much love as they deserve.

6. Overrated ship: normally I would say steddie, but I also love them, too, so I'm gonna say ronance. I can see it, but at the same time... meh?

7. One thing I would change in canon: a lot of the random, unneeded deaths. Bob, Billy, Alexei, Benny, Barb, Chrissy? I feel like none of those needed to happen for the plot to move along, and even if they did, like they didn't have to make them like an "Oh well, they're dead :/" thing. Like, they didn't deserve that. And even if they didn't do that, the way the other characters reacted to the deaths was kinda shallow, too. Like Nancy losing Barb would broken my heart a lot more if they didn't use her mourning as a plot device to make her lose Steve and hook up with Jonathan.

8. Something canon did right: the character dynamics. The way they had the kids fighting over petty shit while bad things were happening, how Dustin didn't have a dad so he latched onto Steve as an older brother type positive influence, the way Hopper had to get used to being a dad again and ask Joyce for help? All of that was just beautifully done.

9. A thing I'm proud of creating for the Fandom PLEASE BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF I WANT TO SEE/READ YOUR ART: All of my works on Ao3, but probably my favorite (at the moment) is my fic So Give Him Inches and Feed Him Well or my six fic series Cool To Hate.

10. A character who is perfect to me (wouldn't change a thing): Max, Lucas, Dustin and Will. They're all so sweet and funny and I love them.

11. The character I relate to the most and why: normally I would say Billy, but lately it's been more Max. She's stuck in a house with a jerk of an older brother who goes off like a volcano over the littlest things, though most of the time he's dormant unless he wants to annoy her, and she has to witness him and the only father figure she has fighting all the time. Getting into screaming matches, sometimes getting physical, and while in my situation it's more the son causing problems for the father, it's still bad. The only reprieve I get is when I'm out with my friends, and even though I still care about both of them, I'm starting to lose that love for one of them (in her case Neil, in my case my brother) because of how they treat everyone else and acts like everything is normal afterwards.

12. The character I hate the most and why: Karen Fucking Wheeler. How she can go from being a concerned, doting mother in season one to pretty much a sexual predator in the span of a few seasons, I'll never know. I could understand if she cheated on Ted and went after someone her own age, but the fact that she went after a boy no older than her daughter just makes me sick. And yes, Billy flirted with her, too, but come on. He's a misguided 17-18 year old abused kid looking for any kind of affection wherever he can get it. And Karen is the adult. She should fucking know better.

13. Something I've learned from the fandom: How to politely disagree with people and kill them with kindness. That's why I have an anti's ask pinned to the top of my blog, because I want people to know that I don't care who or what they like, so I'll respect them, but if they come onto my blog actively trying to start shit, I will not fucking stand for it :)

14. Three tags I seek out on Ao3: hurt/comfort, Fluff and Angst, and enemies to lovers.

15. A song I strongly associate with my otp/favorite characters: I made a whole playlist dedicated to Billy, so.... but if I had to pick -

For harringrove: In The Woods Somewhere by Hozier or Don't You Dare (Make Me Fall In Love With You) by Kaden MacKay

For Billy: Far Too Young To Die by Panic! At The Disco, Beautiful Girls by Van Halen, Bella by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Cherry Pie by Warrant. Also pretty much Guns N Roses' entire discography.

So, everyone I usually tag for these has already done it (I think), but on the off chance you didn't, I'll tag @thissortofsorcery and @half-oz-eddie , as well as anyone else who wants to participate!

[love-geeky-fangirl]

My unpopular SATC opinions

Miranda is annoying and very often gives me Karen vibes. She is high-strung, high-maintanence and very easily upset, I would go crazy if I spent too much time with her in real life.

Samantha is overrated. Like don't get me wrong, I love her but she is not this aspirational Goddess the fandom makes her out to be, she is extremely flawed. Her sex life is not something to aspire to, she is in fact very irresponsible by sleeping with all these strange men (and letting them into her apartment!) and never even once getting tested for HIV and not mention immoral- she sleeps with married men with no shame but when Carrie does it the fandom slanders her. Also many of her pickup techniques would be considered sexual harassment if the roles were reversed like yelling loudly: "wanna fuck?" at the guy in the middle of the yoga class or what she did to that masseur.

Carrie is flawed and annoying but nowhere near the monster some of the fandom makes her out to be. She is actually quite relatable but people don't want to admit it.

Charlotte is actually my fave. She knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go after it. Not to mention she always looks flawless. And no, she is not a "prude" like the show wants us to believe. She has sex on the third date or even second or first all the time and once she even slept with someone she had just met that same day! (On the season 2 wedding). In season 1 she was so open to experimentation she even considered having a threesome. She just spouts this prudish rhetoric because she believes this is what a "proper" woman is supposed to be but behind closed doors she can let loose.

It's a bit annoying how they have a different guy every episode and they are either terrible or the girls dump them over something superficial. I think these girls invented "getting the ick".

Carrie actually belongs with Big not Aidan. I am surprised the fandom is rooting for him, the guy deserves much better. Carrie is addicted to drama and seeks out unavailable men and Aidan is too available, safe and boring for her. She got bored of him after a few weeks of dating for crying out loud! If Carrie had just stayed with Aidan this show would have been very boring and not the same. Yes, I am aware that Big and Carrie are toxic together but that's part of the entertainment.

Even though she was overly harsh, I actually understand why Charlotte was upset that Samantha slept with her brother - he was technically still married at the time and Charlotte wanted him to work it out with his wife.

The only girl's budget and lifestyle that doesn't make sense is Carrie's. Miranda and Samantha have prominent high-paying jobs and Charlotte comes from old money so she probably bought her fancy apartment with her trust fund.

Miranda and Steve are a terrible couple.

It was out of character for Charlotte to withhold sex from Trey for so long and I don't understand why she did it. In season 2 when she met that 'perfect' guy at the wedding she couldn't resist and slept with him the same day. My theory is that what the guy said to her in the episode before she met Trey ("you fucking whore, you fucking bitch") really got to her and she decided to change.

Their lifestyle is unrealistic, no 30+ year old has this much energy to go out and it's impossible to coordinate 4 people's schedules to meet this often! But that's the case with every sitcom.

[erin-bo-berin]

heyy it’s me Sophia 💖 let’s play a game !!

underrated or overrated characters

elaborate please

Jonathan Byers

Eddie Munson

Nancy wheeler

I don’t think any of them are overrated because I love them all.

But I do wish Jonathan gets more of a storyline or development in the last season because fourth season kinda made him seem very two dimensional.

I love him and Nancy together though. They’re an adorable couple and seem more perfect for each other than Steve and Nancy. I definitely feel like Jonathan is underrated when it comes to the Steve vs. Jonathan thing. I’m still weirded out by the whole photo thing happening and wish the writers didn’t have that happen but I chalk it up to a big stupid teenage mistake. He kinda had a crush on Nancy at that point I feel like and just did something really stupid. But, like I said I feel like he’s better suited for Nancy. He wants her to follow her dreams and career goals and would happily settle down whenever she was ready. Steve would be ready to go in like .2 seconds lol love him but you get my point.

Eddie, I want more time with 😭 I love the fact that he’s like a second dad to Dustin along with Steve. He also just seemed so comfortable being who he was, other than the fact he thought of himself a coward. But he didn’t give a fuck what people thought and it’s refreshing. He’s also just a cinnamon roll tbh.

Nancy, while I was really annoyed with her this past season, I still love her. She’s went from this kinda meek, good girl to a stronger woman and a complete badass. Writers making her wishy washy in the relationship department could really go though like this already happened once before but the opposite way, let’s not do it again okay?

Long winded answer whew sorry about that

[cas-kingdom]

“Dads are overrated.” Stranger Things?

A/N: I actually wrote this before watching season 3 as I wanted to see if I could get his character right just by reading about him & catching his vibe in gifs etc. My OC (reader-Hopper’s daughter) lives with Joyce after his death, but returns to Hawkins for a while to see her friends in season 4. (I also couldn’t find anything about Eddie’s parents so made something up).

“Dads are overrated,” Eddie said with a dismissive wave of his hand as he kicked a loose stone across the road. “Parents are overrated,” he then corrected. He laced his hands at the back of his head and stuck his tongue out, tasting the first raindrops of the inevitable storm he could feel arriving.

“Hm?” Your absent frown deepened for a moment as you turned your gaze up at him from your seat on the gravel. You straightened a little when his words registered, shaking your head. “Oh, no, Ed, that’s not what I—I loved my dad.” Eddie turned to look at you, tongue still sticking out. You’d both been sat on the isolated road for an hour now, the sun beginning to dip in the horizon, and your previously incongruous conversation had somehow stumbled upon the subject of parental figures. Eddie had told you about his shitty uncle and you’d briefly mentioned your mom and Joyce, but your mood had suddenly plummeted at the reminder of your dad. You hadn’t known Eddie long, your introduction coming recently via Dustin with your return to Hawkins, but it was obvious to everyone that you’d hit it off immediately. There was a comfortability to your relationship that had you forgetting everything bad for the length you were together. Until something like this happened, anyway.

You sniffed and bit your lip. “He was underrated, if anything.”

Eddie took a moment, slowly retracting his tongue. “Huh,” he said. “Sorry. Guess I just assumed. Guess I shouldn’t just assume. My dad was a piss poor attempt so…” He trailed off, twisting his face in contemplation.

“Where is he now?” you asked, bracing your arms behind you and leaning back.

Eddie shrugged. “Don’t know. Don’t care. You?” It was less than three seconds before something seemed to barrel into his mind, and his mouth opened slightly, eyes widening in realisation. “Oh,” he muttered just as he clocked the look on your face. “Crap. Damn...I’m sorry, I just, like, uh—” 

“No, it’s—Eddie, it’s fine.” You took a deep breath and forced a smile. You’d known that coming back to Hawkins would dig up things you’d been trying to bury. Joyce had done her best to make you stay in California longer, very aware that returning too soon would unravel everything you’d done to help yourself grieve, but you, despite not wanting to leave El, had needed some sort of familiarity, no matter the consequences. You’d needed to walk the roads of your home and sit in bed with Nancy to talk about anything and everything. You’d needed to bump into people you knew and tell them to have a nice day and toss a ball around with Steve. You’d needed to do anything other than navigate the crowded streets of California and bump into prissy girls who believed themselves higher than everyone else. 

It had worked so far.

“My dad was the Chief of Police,” you said, “and he...he died pretty fucking courageously. He saved a lotta lives.”

Eddie nodded slowly, the corners of his lips twitching upwards. “He does sound pretty underrated,” he said. “I think he was in the paper once. My uncle uses them as kindling.” He walked closer and sat opposite you. His legs crossed in front of him and he leant his elbows on his knees, resting his chin in his hands. “You miss him, huh?”

Understatement of your entire life. You actually laughed at it, a breath of morbid amusement coming from your nose, and Eddie rose his brows in innocent surprise, though he didn’t say anything.

“Yeah,” you said finally, your voice quiet and strained. You picked at a rock on the road, the mud gathering under your nails. Your muscles tensed and you rolled your shoulders back, your chest heaving with a deep breath. You didn’t want to talk about this right now, and in some beautiful understanding, Eddie knew. 

“Have you ever danced in a rainstorm?” he asked abruptly, turning his head up to the sky. He stuck his tongue out again and spoke around it. “‘Cuth ith’s really thucking thun.”

You laughed then for an entirely different reason, giggles sputtering from your lips unlike they had since you’d seen your dad for the last time. “You’re crazy,” you said as the rain picked up, thunder grumbling in the distance. Eddie stood to his feet and extended an arm.

“The good kind?” he asked with a grin.

You lifted your arm and Eddie grasped it tight to pull you up. “The best.”

Stranger Things Masterpost

send me the first sentence of a fanfic and i’ll write the next five, except i don’t know when to stop writing so i guarantee there’ll be more than five  

[gayrainbowl3]

Kill me if you wish, but I fully expect Will to either 1. Die or 2. Get vecna'd/join him

AND HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUT ITS A FAIRLY GOOD REASON AS OF TO WHY

Ok, so Will has been through SO much since the beginning. And he was focused on for only so long until people slowly began to ignore him. I mean, he was basically only there up until season 2, and after that he was like nonexistent. Only now is he finally starting to appear again, but that in itself is still rare. I mean, the WHOLE reason half of them met each other was due to WILL and yet they still treat him like shit. If Will hadn't gone missing than they wouldn't have found El, and hopper wouldn't have really gotten involved with them. Which would mean Jonathan wouldn't have met Nancy. So in all, Nancy and Steve could have stayed together. Which is an explosion just waiting to happen. Not to mention Will was stuck in the Upside down for a week, and god knows what happened down there. He possibly went days without food and water, yet still survived. Imagine how traumatizing it was for them. And at that moment the one person who was set on finding him was actually; and don't hate me; Lucas. I mean, Dustin and Mike were going crazy over what El could do and stuff, while Lucas just wanted to find Will and be done with it all. And once Will was found, Lucas was one of the first people to give him a hug. And throughout all of that, who was Mike worried about? El. I mean, don't me wrong, I love el, I do, but she's just so overrated. I truly think she didn't really care for him until later in the seasons, for obvious reasons. Anyways, don't get me started on when Mike told El "My life started the day I met you" which just so happened to be the day he lost his best friend? I mean, they even forgot about Will's birthday. I mean, Mike was ok during season 1 and 2, but after that I literally hate him with a burning passion. i get he went through trauma, but he's so focused on himself and occasionally El he basically ignored everyone else, like being El's boyfriend is his whole personality. He basically made Will's feelings and trauma so unimportant and I hate that. And the raining scene when they got into a fight? Good god, he better be thankful Will didn't snap and punch him, because I sure as hell would. He basically dismissed Will's concerns and likes, and that hurt Will without a doubt. I mean, I get what happened with Mike and all, but the poor kid just wants to enjoy what childhood he has left, and you just HAVE to be an asshole to him? All over a girl? Not to mention the latest scene were Mike got into it with Will, Will didn't even do anything and you decide to snap at him? And you don't even redeem yourself with El. Like, what the hell? Poor will man, he was stuck in some hellish place, starved and dehydrated as hell for a week, was possessed, was pit down by his 'BEST FRIEND', forgotten about, the same day his friend came back was his birthday and he and his birthday was forgotten about, and than he was yelled at by his friend. Like, I'm fairly sure if that was someone, they would have snapped already. And I'm fairly sure this will be HIS season. And if it isn't, than I'm gonna fuck someone up and sue. I get that Mike might be struggling with his feelings right now, but that leaves him NO ROOM to just fuck Will over like that. To make will seem so little compared to him. I want will to hold that fucking shotgun up to Vecna and shoot. I want Will to finally feel big enough to step up. I want him to have his revenge arc, because he deserves at least that much. I want them to realize how much Will actually does, and how much they fucking NEED him. I want it. I need it. Cause I'm so over him getting constantly stepped on. By his old best friend. That may or may not like him.

I'm ready to throw hands with Mike. And i will if he keeps dismissing Will's feelings, worries, likes, and concerns. Thank you for listening to my daily Ted talk of 'I'm gonna sue, and there are reasons and rights'. Have a good day.

[wikiangela]

okay, so, I managed to get through s4 of ST - general consensus: won't be watching s5 for sure lmao

so here are my general opinions on s4 and probably some unpopular opinions that no one cares about but I wanna get it out there anyway lol:

(don't keep reading if you get super defensive over this show, I don't have many positive things to say 😂)

first of all, it was super long oh my god (imo every episode could be like at least twenty minutes shorter, and especially the last 3 episodes - I spent like 3 days on each one lmao it was too long) I was bored half the time and had to watch it sped up and I honestly struggled to finish it (I only finished it because I don't like to leave things halfway through and it did become hilarious at some point lol) and even sped up it felt way too long, especially like pauses in dialogue, like jfc how did anyone watch it at normal speed

I didn't care about any storyline or any character - surprisingly even the Hopper Joyce Russia story - that was so fucking boring, didn't enjoy it at all, didn't even care that they finally kissed lmao

didn't care for Eleven at all, couldn't even feel bad for her for even a second, she was annoying as always tbh 😂😂 (let's just say she hasn't really ever been my fave character)

I lowkey think Steve is so overrated and annoying and he could die for all I care sns

(and don't get me started on the Stancy bullshit 🤢)

(also, I really don't get all the obsession over Eddie, like... why do people love him so much?)

I might not remember s3 almost at all but I feel like every character annoyed me much more in s4 tbh

there were moments where the dialogue was so cheesy and cringe, and some spoonfeeding the audience tbh - and generally at some point it was just so ridiculous I was laughing at it all (it's soo funny and in addition when it's sped up, I swear it's basically a comedy lol)

I watched most of the second half of the season while doing other stuff, just having it in the background because I couldn't sit there and watch, I was too bored 😂😂 but it was still hilarious 😂 I did sit through the last hour of the finale and omg it's so funny

seriously, I saw so many article headlines about like "tragic, devastating death in the finale" but I was laughing my ass off sns 😂 (I couldn't care less about Eddie, and Max - if she's dead 💁🏻‍♀️- wasnt my favorite either since she showed up 💁🏻‍♀️) - tho I admit I teared up a bit when Eddie's uncle found out about his death, and it was cute when El and Hopper reunited lol relationships with parents and parental figures always get me 😂

it turned into kinda background noise, kinda hate-watching, and the hate-watching and laughing at it was kinda fun tbh, so it wasn't a complete waste of time haha

it's so weird, because I loved s1 and I remember enjoying s2 and s3 (tho I couldn't tell you a single thing that happened in 2 and 3) but this one was just... yikes

the only positive for me was that it was hilarious and very easy to make fun of, and great background noise while still quite easy to follow 😂 (and my crush on Natalia Dyer/Nancy Wheeler is still strong so loved seeing her)

I'm 99% sure I won't be watching s5, though if I'm very bored or smth when it comes out, and if I need some background noise, I might check out at least one episode 😂

[metalheadsimp]

Eddie x Y/n | angst? (More like “they both die in the end”)

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

“Just stop!” You yelled at the boy, who looked so hurt.

“I can’t just stop! Don’t you get it? I love you so much y/n and you can’t even look me in the eyes and tell me whats going on!” He tried to get through to you. He felt that something was off but you just built up this wall, like you always did. “Y/n please. I wanna help you..”

“That’s just the thing Eddie. I. Don’t. Need. Help. I am fine god damn it. I’m not sick. I don’t need to be saved everything is alright. Why can’t you just let it go?”

Clearly frustrated he stepped forward trying to grab your hand but you pulled away.

“Don’t “ you warned him.

“Seriously. I’m not saying you’re sick. I’m not even trying to save you. You’re strong enough to save yourself I know that! But I wanna know why you’re so distant lately. Even if it’s another boy. I wanna know.”

He looked down and you felt a sting in your heart. It hurt you that he really believed there could be another boy.

“Oh. Don’t you dare say I would ever cheat or love someone else than you Eddie!-“

He didn’t let you finish, stepping forward and this time successfully griping your hand.

“The tell me what it is! Stop pulling away from me! Stop lying to me, stop telling me you’re with max when you aren’t, stop telling me you’re just daydreaming when I can’t even fucking make you move. You were frozen in place y/n. Christ you didnt even acknowledge me at all!”

“I would never Lie to you.” you whispered.

“Thats a fucking Lie itself!”

“I don’t know what you want from me. There is nothing I can say except that you’re imagining all of that. You’re overreacting.”

With that you pulled your hand from his grip and turned around.

“Fine walk away from me. Like you always do.”

You felt your eyes water. You loved him so much. You didn’t want to hurt him or have him worry about you. You didn’t want him to think you were crazy. Seeing a granpa Clock wherever you went. More frequently lately.

But you couldn’t just walk away from him. His pain was making you sick to your stomach and in a pathetic attempt to ease it a little bit you turned around again. He still stood there, eyes glued to your face. Tears in his eyes. His precious eyes. You carefully took his hands in yours playing with his rings.

“I can’t stand to see you sad Eddie.” You whispered.

“I know darling. I know. Just c’mere.” He pulled you into his arms, making you sob, wetting his shirt with your tears. He held the back of your head with his hand playing with your hair. His other hand ever so softly placed on your back. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“It’s alright doll. Whatever it is. We’ll do this together.” He bent his head back to look at you.

“I love you so so much y/n y/l/n.”

You sniffled wiping your tears.

“I live you too Eds. A lot. But I’m still mad that you think I would cheat so let me go home and be grumpy now.” You joked half heartedly and he let go of you with and apologetic look on his face.

“Of course princess.”

One last kiss and you left feeling his eyes follow you until you got around the next corner. What you had kept from him was that you knew you were gonna die. You had told the others trying to find a way out of it with them. So naturally you went to meet up with them in mikes basement now. You felt like they didn’t believe you completely but they at least didn’t make you feel crazy and tried to help.

At mikes basement Steve and dustin where having a conversation about Steve’s love life and how he should shave his chest hairs. You didn’t feel like talking right now and you didn’t want to interrupt anybody so you just sat there listening to the chatters of the others.

Robin slumped into the seat next to you.

“Steve really just said that Abba is overrated.” She said pretending to be hurt.

You smiled at her.

“I mean they’re not my fav as well but they’re pretty good.”

She looked at you curious.

“So then what’s your favorite song?”

You clicked your tongue thinking about that question.

“You probably don’t know it.”

“Try me.” She smiled at you.

“I got mine by Motörhead. Eddie showed it to me and I’ve listening to it nonstop since then.” You smiled thinking of how exited Eddie got when he heard you listening to the song in your room when you were talking over the walkie talkie.

“Well I mean I’ve heard of motörhead I think.”

You waved your hand brushing it off.

“It’s not that important.”

That conversation was a week ago when you didnt know that your favorite song might be you saving.

Now that nancy had just stormed into the room informing you that it could save you. It was already to late.

It left robin shaking your body and steve panicking.

Nancy was yelling at robing trying to help her remember your favorite song. Dustin was trying to reach eddie over the walkie-talkie. Everything was chaotic but for you it was all so silent just the rhythmical ticking of a clock and then he appeared.

You started to run from him as fast as you could. You heard his voice and then you tripped in one second vecna had you pushed up against a tree hand over your face.

Steve screamed in horror when your bones started to crack, Robin jumped away. Nancy was trying to hold you down. And dustin held on to your unbroken bones hoping they wouldn’t snap if he held them. But they did. Your jaw snapped open and your eyes disappeared into your skull. And then you fell. Your dead body landed on the ground.

A few minutes later robin was rocking back and forth on her heels in a corner and nancy tried to calm her down. Steve had put your body onto the couch and covered it up with a blanket, trying to hid his tears he held dustin in his arms but let go of the boy when Eddie stormed in.

Steve tried holding him back but Eddie made his way into the room.

“WHERE IS SHE?” He screamed in terror.

“I’m so sorry man.” Was all steve said. And Eddies face went white.

“No. No. That can’t be happening.”

Robin sobbed.

“I forgot her favorite song..” her voice was silent and Eddie broke down.

An agonizing scream left his body when he pulled the blanket from your body.

He fell down on the ground next to your body. Trying to “fix” your broken bones.

“No no no no no no.” Was all that left his lips. His head dropped onto your chest and he hummed to himself.

“Here's a story, there's only me

No other place for you to be

It's only you, babe, it's only you

I can't believe the things you do

Right now, right here

Ain't gonna let you disappear

Right now, this time

You got yours and I got mine, come on

Come on, lover, go back to start

I got your picture in my heart

It's only me, babe, it's only me

Refuse, disposal, refugee

Right now, right here

You just might be my new career

Right now, this time

You got yours and I got mine

Come on, babe, stay close to me

You got me falling out my tree

Be my lover, the only one

Be anything but don't be gone

Right now, right here

Ain't gonna let you disappear

Right now, this time

You got yours and I got mine”

And then he got up pressed a kiss to your hand and left.

A few days later steve found Eddie’s body the same way as yours in his trailer.

Nancy liked to think you were back together now.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #368

“whatever doesn’t kill you, is gonna leave a scar”

Have you ever bought a YouTuber’s merch? My favorite shirt is the Day of the Dead design by Cloak, which is Markiplier's and jacksepticeye's clothing brand. Mom's friend/former co-worker also got me a Ninja Sex Party shirt because she knew I liked them. There are SO MANY YouTubers I wanna support by buying shirts. Do you think oatmeal tastes better when made with water or milk? Milk, 110%. Have you ever left a note in a library book? No. What time of day do you prefer to wash your hair? Morning. Has anyone ever spread lies about you? Yes. Have you ever taken a photograph with a celebrity? If so, did it turn out the way you wanted, or do you wish you could retake it? No. If you could move out of your home country permanently, would you? If so, where would you go? If it didn't mean being so very far from my family, I would love to move to Canada. Is there a celebrity that everyone else seems to love, but you find totally overrated? Why is it that you don’t like them? I legit don't know who's considered currently popular, and I especially don't know who they are as people. If you could volunteer for any charity, which one would you choose? Do you think it’s more important to help humans, or are animal and environmental charities equally important? Something relating to animals, and I think they're both equally important. Do you prefer holidays where you relax, or actually do things? I like a mix. Something chill, but you still do some stuff as a family. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? Yes. Has anybody ever told you that you could be a model? Someone has mistaken me for a model in a picture I once took. It was one of the most flattering things I've ever heard, haha. Do you use different kinds of moisturizer for different body parts? ie. hand lotion for your hands, face cream for your face. Or do you just use one moisturizer for all body parts? Yes. Have you ever felt like you were someone’s rebound? No. Has anybody ever broken up with you over something really pathetic? What was it? Have you ever been dumped in a disrespectful way? (eg. through text, through a friend..) I have 100% been dumped in a very cowardly and disrespectful way; after dating Jason for nearly four years and being very serious, he broke up with me very abruptly over Facebook Messenger. His reason was valid, but at the same time, he NEVER talked to me about it. Apparently my depression was dragging him down. If he'd fucking communicated it, I would have explored new treatment options so goddamn fast. But no, he decided to snap his fingers and disappear. That's exactly WHY it was so traumatic, I think: it was so unexpected and sudden. Did you have a lot of role models as a kid? Animal enthusiasts like Steve Irwin and Jeff Corwin for sure. Do you feel like anyone looks up to you? Why or why not? God no. I'm just... not someone to aspire to be like. What was the last thing you found offensive? I'm not sure. Who is the nicest person you know? My mom. Do you feel safe in your country? I feel safe in NC, rather. Like I don't expect an atom bomb or terrorist attack or something in this obscure area. In the U.S.A. itself, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. America is definitely not loved by every other country. Do you feel safe where you live? Not in this city, no. Have you been falsely diagnosed with something by a bad doctor? Yup. Did y'all know I apparently have ADHD? I know, shocking. Have you ever had a doctor refuse to treat you? No. Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): The first Silent Hill, probably. It took a lot of reading to get it. Do you know anyone who has been struck by lightning before? No. Which cartoon character would you want to keep as a pet? Does Stitch count? Or a Pokemon. Do you like marshmallows? Yes. What is your favorite flavor of candy cane? I really like the Jolly Rancher candy canes, I think they are? Have you ever fostered an animal? No. Do you still take hot showers when it’s hot out? Not as hot, but not cold except on very extreme occasions. When writing $ sign, do you draw one line through the S or two? Two. What animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have? I'm thankful that my parents were pretty open-minded to what pets I really wanted, but one I was never allowed to have was a ferret because of how messy and smelly they are. List three people you’ve had crushes on: Jason, Sara, and Sebastian were probably my biggest crushes. Have you ever thrown up from cramps? No, but god have I felt close. List three people you had a hard time forgiving. Jason, Colleen, and my dad. Who is the most spiritual person you know? Probably my sister's mother-in-law. Would you ever start a vlog? God no, I'd bore people to tears. Are your dreams coming true yet? I mean, I guess in some ways with my mental health. In my deepest depression, what I have now was a dream, even though current me is very discontent with it. Most of my dreams, though? No. Do you struggle with depression? I've been diagnosed with severe depression since 7th grade. Are you haunted by your past? A few things won't leave me alone. What medical conditions do you have? Just a lot. There are even more that are up for debate. I've talked about my diagnosed conditions enough. Do you use a Magic Bullet? No. What does your apron look like? I don’t have one. What are your favorite spicy foods? Hot Cheetos, Takis, hot wings, jalapeno pizza... Man, I love spicy food. Which do you like better: being an adult or being a kid? Being a kid. Were you excited to be a teenager on your thirteenth birthday? I had very mixed feelings. Did you feel insecure in high school? Shit, I still do. Would you ever be friends with someone who was suicidal? What the FUCK is this question? No fucking shit I would be. Someone being suicidal in no way affects who they are as a person. Who was the biggest bully in high school? I don't think there really was one. What was your favorite class in high school? Art. Would you rather have a daughter or a son? If I wanted kids, a daughter. Have you ever written to an advice columnist? No. Have you ever had a doctor not believe what you told him? Maybe? I did however have an employee at the ER the first time I went try to pry out of me that my self-mutilation was for attention, and it wasn't until I insisted about a dozen times that it wasn't that he believed me. It's odd looking back that I got REALLY attached to him during that stay, knowing now that it was absolutely horrible and extremely unhelpful for him to do that. If you’re female, would you feel uncomfortable having a male gynecologist? I would absolutely refuse to have a male one. Do you like Lisa Frank? Yeah, like can you talk about aesthetic. What gives you nightmares? Boy, I wish I could tell you, given how much I have them. Were you ever hospitalized as a child? No. Did you get senior pictures taken? No. What color is your bicycle? I don’t have one. Did you ever have to take home a fake baby in health class? No, thank fuck. Would you rather wear ivory or white on your wedding day? What color will your bridesmaids wear? I'd rather wear black. I think red will be the bridesmaids' color. Would you rather have a swimming pool or trampoline? I want a swimming pool so damn badly so I could exercise my legs without worrying about sweating, and I can stop and rest whenever I want, unlike going walking or something. I don't think my knees could handle a trampoline. Do you think babies are cute? Some, sure. But a lot, not really. Do you dream about the future a lot? Yeah. Do you think about your past a lot? Way too frequently. How good are you at living in the moment? I'm trying to get better at it. Have you ever questioned God’s existence? Yeah. Vanilla frosting or chocolate? Chocolate. What’s your favorite foreign cuisine? I've actually been exploring Italian pasta lately. I'm not a big fan of foreign food that I've tried, though. Have you ever moved to another state? No. Did you do anything productive today? No. .-. Can you say the alphabet backwards? No, actually. Do you like flowers? Of course; does anyone not? Have you ever thought you were gonna die? I didn't care if I did or didn't. What kind of mood are you in today? I was honestly really depressed through most of it. Just health stuff was really getting to me. I just woke up from what was honestly like a four-hour nap and I feel all right, I guess. What are you craving right now? I REALLY want Domino's jalapeno pizza. Is there anyone you would seriously punch right now if you had the chance? No. What is worse, physical or emotional pain? Definitely emotional. Have you ever walked in on somebody doing something… questionable? When Dad still lived with us, I think he might have been watching... you know... on TV when I came into my parents' room for something. Idk for sure though. I didn't ask, and I don't want to know. If you were to make videos on YouTube, what would they be of? Oh god, idk. I don't want to make any. What I'd have most fun with would be reptile education, but I 1.) have literally one snake, 2.) am not extremely educated on a good number of them and don't want to be misleading, and 3.) I would run outta content fast. So, leave it to Snake Discovery, haha. Posting pictures of yourself in a bathing suit on the internet - ok or not? Yes, it's okay????? If you're talking about me personally though, you won't see me dead in a bathing suit picture. Do you typically laugh when somebody falls down? No, I gasp and see if they're okay. What is the most disturbing movie you’ve ever watched? Paranormal Entity. The ending is... a lot. Your opinion of Katy Perry, please? I like a couple of her songs. If you could say anything to your Mom right now… what would it be? "Thank you for absolutely everything."

[dehydratedpercy]

Rating Some of my Old Fics out of 10

This morning I spent some time cleaning up my ao3 so I can share Preserve or Raze with some people from work without simultaneously linking them to all the goddamn porn I've written. This means that now, the majority of my non-porny works are under the ao3 username Mapping_Atlas (formerly DumpsterDiving101), and the porny works are under the username WhiteCeilings. Preserve or Raze is under both, but shhhh, we're pretending that WhiteCeilings is a different person who is just a co-creator, m'kay?

Anyways, this means that I was looking through some of my old fics, which I shall now rate here. I'm only going to be rating some of them, but feel free to go to one or both of my ao3 accounts and snoop to your heart's content if you want to learn more about my other works. Heads up, the vast majority are Marvel fics, with a couple Phanfics thrown in there too.

Let's get started.

Should've Said No-- 3.5k words, Peter Parker/Tony Stark

This fic is dedicated to anyone and everyone who has ever commented on Preserve or Raze telling me that I write trauma too well and that they hope I'm getting the help I need. Fun fact: I dissociated so many writing this that it took double the amount of time it should've. 10/10.

Room for Three-- 17.5k words, Maria Hill/Natasha Romanoff/Bucky Barnes

This fic is one of my absolute most underrated ones, and is cute as fuck. Post!Winter Soldier these three are hiding out together from the Avengers, while Hill tries to rebuild SHIELD from the ground up. In the end, they go and meet the family, which is extra spicy bc polyamory. So fucking cute. 20/10 read it.

Two Blind Men Steering A Ship-- 8k, Pres-serum Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

I think this takes place while Bucky is still the Winter Soldier, and him and Steve are... cell mates? I only know that from the summary. 2/10 I literally have no recollection of writing this.

Commanding Nature (WhiteCeilings)-- 2k, Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

This is literally the most cursed thing I've ever written. I wrote it in one go, no editing, at 8pm at night, and published it right away because I knew I wouldn't publish it if I let myself think about it even a little. It's crack, but done with a little too much intention. My friends only know it as the Plant Fic. I have met people irl who I gave the link to, who no longer speak to me. This fic is more popular than fics I have spent full years on. This fic gave people existential crises.

Oh, the summary? Steve fucking plants Bucky. You know. Like a garden. Bucky turns into a garden. It starts out sexual, but it doesn't stay that way for long. This fic has fucking groupies. -100/10 I have never loved something or hated something so much. Don't read this, BUT you should 100% read the comments, they're insane.

Rumlow Doesn't Care (And Other Lies He Tells Himself)-- 20k, Brock Rumlow/Bucky Barnes

I castrated Rumlow in this fic. Brock Rumlow is one of the main Captain America villains. And I. Fucking wrote an abo fic where he was chemically castrated. You can't make this shit up. 10/10 Rumlow deserved it.

The 12 Labors Of Steve Rogers-- 31k, Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

My first story with any Greek Mythology elements. Basically Steve Rogers is Hercules and is completing his 12 labors when he meets Hades (Bucky) and slowly starts to realize that the Olympians he so desperately wanted to be a part of were shitty and abusive. Now that I look back on this, I realize it was probably inspired by my religious trauma. Also, Peter Parker is in this as a slutty river spirit. 50/10 I think people who like Preserve or Raze should read this.

Not Your Lover-- 5k, Natasha Romanoff/Laura Barton

Guys, this right here is the shit. I forgot I wrote this but honestly it's one of my favorite things I've ever written. It's a recovery fic where teen!Natasha goes and lives with Clint and his family on their farm after escaping the Red Room, and she works to create a new identity not rooted in violence. This shit'll make you cry. 500/10 The Black Widow movie would've been better if I wrote it.

But Love Is Overrated Anyways-- 41k, Dan Howell/Phil Lester

Mutants AU that probably makes me out to be anti-vax, but that wasn't my intention (pls get vaccinated guys). Mutants and humans coexist, until a mysterious new "disease" comes out and everyone gets vaccinated for it. Except there is no disease, and the vaccine is actually a ploy meant to target and kill mutants. Dan and Phil are both mutants who didn't end up getting the vaccine out of laziness, who meet up post-genocide/apocalypse. Dan has ice powers and Phil has fire powers; Dan wants to massacre humans and Phil wants to show them toleration and kindness. Dan wins in the end. A delicious little love/corruption fic. 10/10 I might turn this into a real novel some day.

Yellow Roses-- 14.5k, Dan Howell/Phil Lester

Dan leaves his rich socialite wife for a sexy male florist. 10/10 relatable.

[because-imma-lady-assface]

We want the hot Marvel takes. 😉

Here are a few.

Loki is TOTALLY FUCKING OVERRATED GIMME A FUCKING BREAK.

Thor was pretty meh until Ragnarok let Hemsworth actually shine.

Civil War was an Avengers movie and we are owed a 3rd Cap movie.

Tony got off WAY TOO EASY in Civil War and somehow nobody addresses the fact Ultron and Sokovia was all his fault. ( I adore Tony so this isn't me hating him because I love Cap. I know there's other shit but still)

In Infinity War they should have nuked Vision so fucking fast. Sorry Wanda we'll find/make someone else for you to fuck this is the entire universe we're talking about also uh vision kinda sucks.

And ok blah blah they had another movie to make blah whatever but still should have been done. Give me a fucking break Steve "We don't trade lives" Rogers. How many Wakandans died trying to give (absolutely perfect in every way) Shuri time to get the stone out????? Huh? HUH??????

[loveablehands]

teen titans villains ranked (of the over 150 issues of teen titans content i have perused

#1 slade he rocks as a villain. he’s charismatic and cool and funny and corny and also he can be genuinely NICE sometimes even tho he’s evil as fuck so he’s like complicated and shit. love that

#2 doctor light he is so fucking funny i love him

#3 the robot dinosaurs

#4 the ghost girl

#5 trigon. massively overrated

#6 the rest of the fearsome five

#7 cheshire

#8 random drug dealers

#9 the guy who turned his wife into a bug woman but was definitely still fucking her. (its okay she can talk and consent and she believes in his environmentalist dreams which makes them #couples #goals) kole’s dad

#10 that one guy who was abusing sarah simms. that was a cool arc and he was an interesting villain and we got a lot of interesting scenes with him

#11 terra who was massively overhyped by every single cartoon her arc kinda sucked tbh

#12 komand’r this isn’t even her fault her writing is just really bad

#13 brother blood i hate him whyyyyyyyy god he’s soooo boring......

#14 mother blood i hate her even more

#15 steve dayton fuck this guy for real go to therapy bitch

#16 ithica

#17 hyperion he’s shit worst villain

don’t ask me where the rest of hive goes. theyre fine i guess

honorable mention to that guy who says ‘computer fetish’ all the time like that is actually something that is real or makes sense

honorable mention to big daddy ding dong or whatever from the og teen titans who ended up getting put in teen titans year one just bc i thought that was a cool throwback (so was the antman that was cool as well)

[buckthegrump]

Whenever You’re Ready

Summary: Bucky lost the love of his life three years ago and he’s still trying to figure out how to deal with that. But that gets harder when he gets an unexpected visitor.

Warnings: Mentions of death, angst, so much angst, fluff, a whole lot of feelings y’all 

Word Count: 6.2k

A/n: I had this thought and needed to write it

“I’m sorry, sir,” the officer said, “We have reason to believe that -”

Bucky stopped listening after the officer said ‘I’m sorry’. The words ‘I’m sorry’ were never followed by good news. Or even just neutral news, it’s almost exclusively followed by bad news. Especially when the ‘I’m sorry, sir’ comes from a doctor or a police officer.

But it didn’t matter that Bucky had stopped listening because he knew what they were about to say. They were going to tell him that they couldn’t find her body and that they were presuming her dead. But she couldn’t be dead. Y/n had promised that she wouldn’t die on him.

“We also lost his trail,” the officer finished.

“What?” Bucky’s head snapped up.

“He disappeared.”

* * *

Bucky sat up. The room was dark and silent. He glanced at the clock already knowing what time it was 1:35 am. The exact time that he was told that his fiance had been killed. No, not killed. Murdered.

It was the same dream, same memory, every year on the same day and he woke up at the exact same time. He was positive that no matter how many years passed it would be the same. He didn’t know if it would be worse if it was a happy memory that reminded him of what he was missing, or if he should be glad he was stuck with the worst night of his life.

The dream happened for months after and then it slowed to once a month until it only happened on the day.

He could roll over and try to fall back asleep but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to. He threw the covers off of him exposing his legs to the cool air of the room. He got up and made his way to the bathroom.

The water from the shower was as hot as it could possibly be. The hope was that it would get so hot it would burn away the pain, but nothing he tried was taking away the pain. The grief group he went to was just starting to make the pain a little less but -

Hours passed and the once nearly boiling water turned to ice against his back. All he wanted was to stay in the shower but he was meeting friends soon.

At 9:30 Bucky got into his car and drove to the cafe. Sam and Steve were waiting for him when he walked in. His friends decided that day when Bucky found out that he shouldn’t be alone on that day and so every year on that day, they would take the day off and spend all day together.

Sam was the first one to spot Bucky, he smiled and waved. 

“You were almost late, Barnes,” Sam said calling Steve’s attention to the new arrival.

“Well,” Bucky said as he sat down in the empty chair at the table, “I don’t think I could be late anywhere.”

Sam and Steve chuckled slightly at this. They remember the countless fights that Y/n and Bucky got into about being late versus showing up at least five minutes early. Y/n won and now ever since Bucky’s been on time for everything.

“How are you doing, Buck?” Steve asked. Bucky shrugged. “Did you have the dream again?”

“Yeah,” Bucky whispered. “I pulled out one of her dresses the other day, it doesn’t smell like her anymore. And I’m having trouble remembering the last time I told her that I loved her. But the day I found out she was dead -” he laughed humorlessly, “that day I can remember perfectly. It’s really fucked up when you think about it.”

Sam began talking about one thing or another and the conversation started flowing easily. And for a while, Bucky’s heart didn’t feel as heavy as he knew it was but it was nice to feel lighter.

After their coffee, they all went to watch a movie that ended up being terrible. It was about a man who didn’t know the ‘real’ value of life until his wife left him and took the kids. Sam leaned over and whispered snarky comments in Bucky’s ear. Bucky only heard about half of them, the ones he did hear were rather funny.

But Bucky couldn’t help but think about how lucky this guy was that he got a second chance. That he was able to go back to his wife and tell him everything on his mind, and Bucky would give anything to have that chance.

* * *

After the movie, Bucky got into his car and when he looked into the rearview mirror he saw Y/n. He gasped and looked out the windshield and then back into the mirror but she was no longer there. He let out a sigh of relief.

“What’s your problem?”

Bucky’s head snapped to his passenger seat where Y/n sat. She was looking at him.

“What?” She asked with a cheeky smile.

He turned back toward the wheel of the car and started driving.

“Did I do something?” She asked clicking her seatbelt into place. “Are you mad at me? Is it because I said that Star Wars isn’t as revolutionary as Legally Blonde? Because I’m right I don’t know why you’re trying to fight it, I’m always right? Also, do you think Firefly might be overrated? Because I have a theory that if they had more seasons it would’ve been one of those shows that started out great but then just ended terribly.”

Bucky gripped the steering wheel as tightly as he could. His bottom lip was shaking and every breath felt like it might be his last. She continued to talk like this was an everyday occurrence. Like Bucky hadn’t been slowly dying from the inside out because the love of his life, his soulmate had left him to live in this world without her.

“Ok, baby blue,” the nickname made Bucky tear up, “what is up? Is this because of the Star Wars thing? Or have you changed your mind about marrying me?”

“Never,” he whispered. He glanced over at her half afraid that once he acknowledged her she would disappear. She was still there beaming at him with her wild eyes that sparkled and her hair pulled back in two french braids.

“Good, because I was thinking about some things that should happen for the wedding,” Y/n continued to talk wedding the rest of the way home.

At every turn, Bucky was sure that she would vanish but she didn’t, she just talked and didn’t mind that Bucky wasn’t saying much of anything (which wasn’t too different than when she was alive). He was just going to see this time as a gift. Live in this fantasy for the rest of the day because there was no way that this would continue after he fell asleep.

While Bucky was getting ready for bed Y/n sat in bed and watched him.

“Wow,” she said in her best Owen Wilson voice, “My fiance is hot as fuck.”

Bucky snickered and rolled his eyes. He climbed into bed, he laid on his stomach head faced towards the ghost of his dead fiancee.

“Goodnight gumdrop,” he muttered.

“Sleep tight, baby blue,” she whispered and Bucky could’ve sworn that he felt her kiss his forehead.

And for the first time in what felt like forever, Bucky Barnes fell asleep with a smile on his face.

* * *

The first thing that registered was a horn blaring past him. He blinked his eyes a few times trying to figure out what was happening. He was in his car stopped on the side of the road off of US 26. It was dark outside and he was on the portion of the highway that was surrounded by a forest.

He looked to his passenger seat but just like he suspected Y/n wasn’t there. The more concerning issue was; how did he get here? And why was it 2 am?

He chalked it up to sleepwalking and drove back home. He flopped back into bed instantly going back to sleep.

* * *

Bucky spent most of his day at work on autopilot, but that was no different than any other godforsaken day. Tony, his business partner, barged into his office an hour before quittin’ time.

“What do you want Stark?” Bucky asked not taking his eyes off the screen.

“I was thinking about something the other day,” Tony paced in front of Bucky’s desk, “I know we mostly work with veterans who are dealing with PTSD but we should set up a foundation that also helps with the spouses and the significant others of vets or people who died overseas.”

Bucky froze before actually looking at Tony. He didn’t say anything so Tony, being a babbler, started to babble.

“I mean we could open it up to everyone else that lost someone because I know that you had a tough time coming back to work, and it’s ridiculous that society puts a time limit on grieving. So I was thinking that we set those up. And before you ask yes I was a little apprehensive about bringing this up to you because I wasn’t sure how you would react -”

“I like it,” Bucky cut him off.

“Good, because I kind of already set the plan in motion.” Tony gave him a thumbs up and promptly left the office.

This wasn’t an unusual thing, Tony having an idea and setting it in motion before consulting with Bucky. Luckily over the years, Bucky had gotten good at retroactively putting things to a stop when needed.

Bucky really did like the idea of setting up another foundation that helped people with the grieving of a lost loved one and mentally kicked himself for not coming up with the idea himself.

* * *

Bucky had snagged a coveted seat on the light rail train that ran through the city. It wasn’t a subway because it wasn’t underground, which Bucky (and most of the people in the city) found ridiculous because that meant when it got too hot outside the train was only able to go so fast.

And being the end of July the annual heatwave was rolling into town. The AC on the train was only doing so much during rush hour and people were packed in tight.

Bucky was doing his very best to ignore the discomfort by reading a book, but the book was getting boring and had recycled the same plotline about three times now and he was only halfway through. 

Just as he was closing the book the train came to an abrupt stop and someone fell into his lap.

She looked at him wide-eyed. 

“Sorry,” she grimaced.

And it felt like the whole world froze. There was no one else in the world but them and she literally took his breath away with one word. He was certain he’d never seen anyone quite as beautiful as she, just as he was sure he would never find someone more beautiful.

“It’s ok,” he breathed. “I’m Bucky.”

She smiled at him and Bucky’s heart nearly burst out of his chest. “Y/n.”

“So,” he was very conscious of the fact that she hadn’t moved out of his lap, “do you make it a habit of falling into people’s laps?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you trying to flirt with me?”

“Is it working?”

She chuckled softly and got out of his lap. “If it was, how do you see this conversation ending?”

“Best case scenario?” He asked and she nodded. “Exchanging numbers and dinner plans.”

She pulled out her phone, quickly unlocked it, and handed it over to Bucky. “Let me apologize for literally falling into your lap.”

“There’s really no need to apologize,” he said as he took her phone and put his number in.

When he handed it back she typed something in then looked back at him. “This is my stop. I’ll see ya around Bucky.”

Bucky watched dumbstruck as she hopped off the train at the stop. A second after she disappeared into the crowd his phone buzzed. An unknown number had texted him a simple message: Y/n Y/l/n.

* * *

The next time Bucky saw Y/n was when he went to get after-work drinks with Tony, Steve, and Sam. It had been a month since the anniversary and the next day Tony and Bucky were launching their new foundation.

Steve was telling a story about a date he’d had recently and Tony and Sam were just taking the piss out of him for everything that he’d done wrong on the date.

Bucky looked up in the middle of the story and found Y/n standing next to the jukebox staring at the options. She turned her head towards him and smiled. He blinked and when he opened his eyes she was gone.

He didn’t see her again for the rest of the night.

But the next morning around 5 am, a full hour before he would get up to go to the gym, he woke up on the side of the road again. It was the same spot as the last time. As Bucky drove home he kept his eyes peeled for any hit and runs, he wasn’t sure what he would do if he ended up hitting someone with his car while he sleepwalked.

* * *

Her skin was soft beneath his fingers as he drew lines across her skin. She let out a sigh as she slept next to him soundly. Bucky had woken up with the sun on that particular Saturday and he knew for a fact that Y/n would be pissed if he woke her up.

So he laid there with her and watched her sleep. He pressed a soft kiss to her bare shoulder and she shifted so she now she was laying on her side with her nose nuzzled into her pillow.

“Y/n, are you awake?” He asked softly. He smiled when she didn’t answer. “You don’t know this yet, but I’m going to propose to you. I don’t know when or how but I have the ring. I think you’ll like it, and I hope you say yes. God, I have no idea what I’ll do if you say no. Please don’t say no.”

She continued to sleep soundly, breathing deeply. He brushed his thumb across her eyebrow. The only time she looked this at peace was when she was sleeping, or after Bucky had shown her what she did to him.

“I love you,” he whispered.

A few seconds later she groaned and made the same noise she always did when she woke up, a small whimper that her night’s sleep was over. She opened an eye and looked at him.

“Were you watching me sleep again?” She asked in a hoarse voice. Bucky h’mmed in response. “You fuckin’ creep.”

“Oh yeah, because I’ve never caught you watching me sleep,” he chuckled.

“Uhh, when I watch you sleep it’s to make sure that you’re still breathing. Some times you’re sleeping so deeply I’m afraid that you’re dead,” she argued fully awake now. “Please don’t die on me.”

Not caring that neither of them had brushed their teeth yet, he kissed her lips softly. “I won’t as long as you promise to wait until we’re both well into our 80s or 90s.”

“Deal, but I hope you know that when I do die, I’m going to come back and haunt your ass so you’ll never actually be able to get over me and date someone else. I’m selfish like that.”

“I don’t want anyone else,” Bucky admitted.

“Well, when you say things like that it makes me feel bad for finding Sam really attractive. I hope you know that if you break your promise, I’m definitely turning to him for comfort and then we’ll fall in love and have a million babies,” she teased.

“Oh, a million babies?”

“Oh yeah, one million babies, and they’d be so much cuter than any babies you and I would have.” She smiled smugly until Bucky poked her sides and started tickling her. She giggled. “No!” 

“Take it back!” 

But she didn’t she just kept laughing and swatting at his hands. After a minute or two, he stopped and kissed her again. He paused and looked at her, really looked at her in the morning sunlight that peaked through the drapes of their bedroom window. He leaned over to his nightstand and opened the drawer and dug around for something.

“What are you doing?” She sat up and leaned against the headboard. Bucky turned around holding a ring. It was simple enough, it was a white gold band with a blue sapphire with two smaller diamonds on either side of it but the gems on the ring were huge. “What are you doing?” She repeated.

“I have been waiting for the right time, the perfect time to do this but I realized that when doesn’t matter. The perfect time wouldn’t make a difference, what matters is the person. You might not be a perfect person but neither am I, but you are the perfect person for me. So Y/n, I’m breaking one of your rules and asking you a question before breakfast,” he extended his arm slightly so the ring was closer to her, “Will you marry me?”

Y/n gasped shakily as tears welled up in her eyes. “Yes, of course!”

Bucky took her left hand and slid the ring on her finger, thanking the heavens that it fit. He stared at the ring as it sat on her finger.

“Are you not going to kiss me or anything?” Y/n asked snapping Bucky out of his daze.

“Neither of us have brushed our teeth and your morning breath is so bad -”

“My mom just called, she says that I can’t marry you.”

Bucky shook his head at his fiancee. “Shut up,” he chuckled and kissed her.

* * *

One Saturday, early January, Bucky was eating his cereal staring at Y/n or her ghost or whatever she was.

“Can I help you?” She asked cocking her head to the side.

“Are you a ghost?” He asked.

“You already know what I am, Barnes,” she answered solemnly. “You’re just afraid of what it means if you’re right.”

“But if you’re a hallucination,” his voice broke as he spoke, “that means you’re not real.”

“If I was real then you wouldn’t be keeping the fact that you can see me a secret?” She leaned back in her chair.

“I could just have a fever,” he reasoned.

“You’ve been seeing me off and on for months. If your fever had lasted this long you’d probably be dead,” she propped her elbow on the table and rested her chin in her hand.

“So what’s wrong with me?” He asked, cereal long forgotten.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged then gasped. “Maybe I’m a vision from a god or some higher power. Here to tell you that you’re missing something.”

“But what would I be missing?” Tears began to fall down his face.

“Do you not miss me?”

“I miss you every goddamn day but there’s not much I can do about that.” There was a brief silence and Bucky found himself wishing that she was actually something he could touch, not an uncommon wish for him. “I should go see a doctor, shouldn’t I?”

Y/n gave him a sad smile and Bucky pulled out his phone.

* * *

Y/n was sitting on the couch with Bucky, her legs on his lap and he was going over something that Tony had sent him. Bucky was petting her legs.

“Why are you petting my legs like a dog?” She asked pulling one of her headphones out of her ear. “You know I’m not into pet play.”

Bucky stopped his movements and glared at her. “Must you make everything dirty?”

She grinned. “Yes.”

Bucky shook his head and put the stack of papers down on the coffee table. He crawled over so his head was on Y/n’s stomach without missing a beat she started running her fingers through his hair. He moaned at the feeling and closed his eyes.

“What are you listening to?” He asked his voice muffled but the fabric of her shirt and her tummy.

“The podcast My Favorite Murder,” she said. “If you just gave it a chance you might enjoy it.”

“Why are you so obsessed with true crime?”

“Well if I’m prepared for it then I have a better chance of surviving and listening to how fucked up people are, helps me learn what to do if I’m ever in that situation.”

He chuckled softly, he lifted his head and looked at her. “You realize the chances of you getting murdered are very slim right? Besides, I’ll protect you if that ever becomes a real possibility.”

“Yes,” she rolled her eyes, “You’re very strong and manly. Will you please just listen to this one story about people who live on an island and one of the couples shares a pair of stainless steel teeth?”

Bucky didn’t really have that much of an interest in true crime, but he’d be lying if he said that story didn’t sound interesting.

“Fine, but just that one story,” he said, “You’re not going to hook me on this.”

He lied, she got him hooked on that podcast and any time they came out with a new episode they either listened to it together or texted the other if they were apart.

* * *

Bucky was listening to the podcast that Y/n had gotten him hooked on. He was sitting in the waiting room for the doctor and Y/n was in the chair across from him watching him closely. He was doing his best to just listen to the podcast but her stare was making that hard.

“Barnes?” A nurse called. 

Bucky sprung up from his seat and followed the nurse back into the exam room.

“Bucky Barnes,” the doctor greeted when she walked in.

“Dr. Cho,” Bucky greeted.

“What seems to be the problem?” She asked settling into the office chair in the room.

“I keep seeing my dead fiancee,” he said bluntly.

Dr. Cho pursed her lips and nodded her head. “Are you sleeping well?”

“Yeah,” he said completely forgetting about the sleepwalking he’s been doing.

“How long has it been going on?” She asked making a note in her chart.

“It’s off and on for a few months.”

“But not all the time?”

“No.”

Dr. Cho sighed. “Well, it might be a psychological thing if that’s the case the next plan of action would be to see a psychiatrist.”

“And another option?” Bucky asked though he already knew the answer.

“That you have some sort of brain tumor,” she answered and Bucky’s entire body sagged, “So I will schedule you for an MRI, but I would also like fo you to talk to someone.”

Bucky nodded silently agreeing with her.

After he got home that day he looked into some highly rated therapists and when he talked to his friends about it they all had suggestions for him.

* * *

The hauntingly familiar sound of a horn blaring startled Bucky awake again. He was sitting in his car that was idling with the radio playing quietly. The clock in his car told him it was 4 am. When he looked around he noticed that it was the same part of 26 that it usually was.

He really needed to find a way to stop himself from sleep-driving.

* * *

The room was eerily quiet. Bucky picked at his jeans pretending to rid them of pieces of fluff that didn’t exist. He’d been sitting in this room for almost half an hour silently, other than the initial hellos.

“You won’t know if this works until you talk to me and we are able to start a discussion,” Maria Hill, his new therapist told him.

“I know, I just don’t know where to start,” he said.

“Start from the beginning.”

So he did. He told her the story of how he met Y/n and falling in love with her and then proposing. He only wavered a bit when it came to the birthday party he’d planned for you.

* * *

“Are you sure you sent her the right time?” Natasha asked.

“Yes,” Bucky answered.

Natasha had asked that question about five times and it didn’t matter that Bucky had shown her the text that said he’d told Y/n to meet him at the restaurant at 6:30. Nor did it matter that Y/n had texted at 5 saying ‘hey love, I’m going to be a little late the meeting is running long and I still have to talk to some people afterward.’  

No, none of that mattered to Natasha who was nervous that Y/n would hate the surprise.

Bucky had set up a dinner for Y/n’s birthday. She thought it was just going to be her and him but Bucky had also invited all their friends because Y/n had started complaining that they didn’t all hang out together anymore.

Natasha was th only one who was worried for the first ten minutes of Y/n not showing up. After that everyone started to get more and more concerned about her unusual tardiness. Until they all decided to call the cops.

* * *

“They didn’t believe us at first,” Bucky told Maria. “They said that we had to wait 48 hours before we could officially file a missing person’s report. But we knew. It didn’t matter to them that Y/n was never late and if she was she would’ve called or texted. They thought she was running from me.”

Maria was quiet as Bucky took a tissue to blow his nose. 

“They never found her body either, isn’t that just a kick in the nuts?” Bucky laughed sardonically. “And the last thing I told her to her face was ‘just so you know you lost the game’ which might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Maria gave him a confused look. “The game?”

“It’s this thing where once you start playing the game you can never stop and the way to win the game is by not thinking about it but once you think about it you’ve lost the game,” Bucky explained.

“That’s counter-intuitive.”

“That’s the game.” Bucky shrugged. “I’ve also been seeing her.”

“Natasha?”

“No, Y/n. Not all the time but sometimes. We talk and I know it’s crazy but I like being able to talk to her again.” Bucky bounced his leg as he thought for a moment. “I’ve also been sleepwalking. More like driving.”

“What?” Maria looked shocked.

“Not all the time, but sometimes I’ll wake up to find myself in my car stopped on the side of the road. It’s the same spot every time, I never hit anyone or anything as far as I can tell.”

“Well, there are ways to get around sleepwalking maybe have a friend spend the night to stop you from getting into your car, set up an alarm system, I can send you a list of what some of my other clients have found helpful.”

* * *

A week after his therapy appointment Bucky was in the hospital for his MRI. 

It wasn’t until he was in the machine when he heard her voice.

“I hope you still have that amazing insurance because MRIs are not cheap,” she said and Bucky held back the urge to roll his eyes, “Are you ignoring me because you don’t want to look crazy in front of the doctors? Because you know that they know why you’re here right? They already know you’re crazy.”

As Bucky lay there for the rest of the scan Y/n sang a song that had been stuck in Bucky’s head for the past week. When he came out of the machine she was standing there in the corner of the room. He didn’t say anything but he made eye contact with her.

“You’re still missing it,” she said. He furrowed his brows at her. “Bucky you’re missing it.”

An hour later Bucky was sitting in front of a neuro doctor.

“There’s nothing showing up on the MRI,” Dr. Banner told him, “Medically? You are fine, Mr. Barnes.”

“Thank you, doctor.”

* * *

It happened again. He woke up on the side of the road in his idling car. But this time the sun was just beginning to rise. Bucky slammed his hands against the steering wheel before turning his car around to head back home.

He was about halfway home when something realized something. It was what Y/n had told him about missing something.

Every time he’d woken up on the side of the road it was after he’d seen Y/n. That’s the only time he’d sleepwalked was the night after all of the hallucinations. Which made him wonder, why that particular spot?

He could’ve gone home and just ignored his thought for the rest of the day but that might actually kill him.

He flipped a u-y and drove back to the spot. He pulled over on the shoulder. When he got out of the car he took a few deep breaths. 

Not really knowing what he was going to find or if he was going to find anything be began walking through the forest.

“This is the part of the horror movie where I die because I’m walking through a forest because a hallucination told me to. If Y/n could see you now she’d kill you for being stupid. Also if you get murdered they are definitely going to make fun of you on all the podcasts for being a complete idiot,” he mumbled to himself as he stumbled through the foliage and brush of the forest floor.

He walked for about a mile or two before he came across a small cabin in the middle of nowhere.

“What the hell?” He whispered to himself.

Then someone from inside the cabin let out an ear-piercing scream. Bucky finally had a logical thought and pulled out his phone to call 911. They told him to stay on the phone with him and they were sending units to him.

The screaming had stopped and Bucky almost went into the cabin. It was only a few minutes later when he heard the sirens and the officers came and two pairs walked over to the cabin and went in. Bucky was standing next to an officer who was told to wait with him.

There was a gunshot, not long after one of the officers made a call over the radio for an ambulance because there was a girl in the cabin who needed medical attention.

The officer that hung around with Bucky took his statement as they waited for the ambulance. Giving the statement to the officer was a blur and he tried to find a way to tell the officer that visions of Y/n had led him here without actually telling him that.

When the EMTs made it through the forest the ‘girl’ was escorted out of the cabin and Bucky’s heart dropped. There was a woman walking with the officer who looked so much like Y/n but her hair was unkempt and looked like she hadn’t eaten in years.

But then her eyes met his.

“James?” 

“Y/n?” He asked and his voice broke. Bucky didn’t wait for her to answer again as he ran over to her, how he managed not to trip over anything was a mystery to him. He stopped right in front of her. “Is that really you?”

Y/n let go of the officer and lifted her hands to his cheeks. She gently touched his face and he leaned into her touch. He was almost sure that at any moment he was going to wake up from this dream to an empty bed.

“You found me,” Y/n whispered before collapsing into Bucky’s arms.

* * *

Bucky sat next to her hospital bed and watched her. He was afraid that she would disappear. But he could touch her, he could feel her again. But he wouldn’t. Not until she made the first move, he wouldn’t make her do anything she didn’t want to do, he didn’t even know what’d happened in there.

The detectives that had come around informed him that any number of things could’ve happened during those three years and she would be a very different person now. That she would need countless hours of counseling.

Y/n had been unconscious since she fainted outside the cabin. Bucky knew he should call everyone, tell them that Y/n was alive, but he also knew that they would all want to come and see her so he settled for the two people who needed to know. Tony, because there was no way in hell Bucky was going into work today or anytime this week. And Natasha, because Nat would kick his ass if he kept this from him. 

Everyone else could wait until Y/n woke up and was ready for visitors.

* * *

Natasha had come in an hour after Bucky called and cried into his shoulder. She’d stayed for a while before Bucky told her to go home and that he would call her the instant Y/n woke up. Natasha had been reluctant at first but agreed because it didn’t look like Y/n was going to wake up anytime soon.

Which wasn’t true because an hour after Natasha left Y/n’s eyes fluttered open. She looked over to find Bucky wide awake watching her sleep.

Y/n gave him the smallest of smiles that somehow still took his breath away.

“You were watching me sleep,” she croaked.

“I thought you were dead -” he stared and had an apology on the tip of his tongue but she cut him off.

“Don’t apologize for not looking for me,” she ordered.

“But -”

“No,” she said firmly. “You were working with what you had.”

“How ok are you? Scale from one to ten.”

“If one is I’m dead, I’m gonna go with a one-point-five.” A tear fell from her eye and Bucky wanted nothing more than to wipe it away. Her lip began to tremble. “Um, he uhh -”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Bucky cut her off. “Not yet.”

There was a silence that Bucky didn’t know if he should fill or not. He knew what he wanted to tell her, but he wasn’t sure if he should if it would be what she wanted to hear.

“I’ll understand if you don’t want me anymore,” she told him. “I know that three years isn’t really a long time but if you don’t -”

“You can’t get rid of me that easy, gumdrop,” he told her and a sob escaped her lips. “I’d go get you another ring tonight. I meant what I said when I told you that you are the perfect person for me. And I still want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“But baby blue, I’ve changed. I’m not the same person I was. I’ve done things -”

“Y/n, neither of us are the same person we were three years ago. And whatever you did, kept you alive,” he said, he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes. “So yeah, we have some stuff to work out but my heart belongs to you and you alone. And I’m not giving up on you.”

Y/n reached out her hand for Bucky and he took it. Her frail hands wrapped around his one, they were cold. He could only imagine the rest of her body was just as cold.

“You still wanna marry me?” She asked softly.

“Do you still want to marry me?” He pulled over a chair not removing his hand from hers and sat down.

She nodded. “But I’m not ready to. Does that make sense? Like, I wanna be ready.”

“I would wait forever for you,” he told her.

“So you lied,” she sighed and he furrowed his brows at her. “Clearly, you couldn’t have changed that much you’re still the cheesiest person on the face of the planet.”

Bucky scoffed and pressed a gentle kiss to her hand. “Promise me you’ll let me know if you don’t want me to do something. Like if I touch you in a way you don’t like, you have to let me know. I never want to be the reason you’re in pain.”

“Ok,” she whispered. “Where’s everyone else?”

“I only called Natasha and Tony today because I wasn’t sure how you would react to a room full of people wanting to see you. I can call them if you want and get them here.”

“Not yet, I haven’t seen you in three years,” she played with his fingers. She hadn’t let him go as if she had been touch starved for so long.

“Ok, whenever you’re ready.”

And yes they had things that they would have to work out together and individually, but Bucky meant it when he said that he wasn’t going to give up on her.