#but sometimes they're still terrifying-
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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I find it funny when people talk about how a zombie apocalypse would look "more realistically" and completely forget that a decomposing body looses all muscle function in less than 2 days after death- even if somehow there was anything realistic that could make dead bodies get up and attack people, unless there was a way for it to functionally replace the nerves and muscles of the body (for example, very futuristic Nanotechnology) they wouldn't be functional zombies for very long, the apocalypse would be over in probably a handful of weeks.
#hi yes I have spent way too much of my lifespan thinking about zombies and the zombie apocalypse#dont get me wrong though#I like semi realistic zombie content#you just gotta be willing to admit they're not actually fully realistic#because thats just not how corpses work#its ironic how much I know about zombie stuff and apocolyptic content though#I used to have a legitimate phobia of them#like would spend hours or even days holed up in my room terrified#would have literal nightmares#still sort of have the nightmares sometimes but hey the paranoia has gotten a lot better#it helped that I found 1 singular zombie show that I found funny and didnt scare the shit out of me#rant#zombies#zombie apocalypse#realistic zombies
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i was so brave a couple days ago. there was a baby huntsman spider in my room and i totally didn't fumble trying to catch it 3 entire times while trying to lure it in and out of a box all while screaming and going "whAT THE FUCJ WHAT" whenever it moved even a little bit. in which the reason i was trying to catch it was because it randomly appeared on a box right next to my bed and i knew if i didn't catch it i wouldn't be able to sleep. nope. totally wasn't genuinely frightened by a tiny itty bitty little guy that could literally fit in the palm of my hand 15 times. whaaaat me? scared by a tiny little spider??? psh no wayyyyy man no way
(after i did this i was slightly shaken up and extremely worried there was another much bigger one in my bed and i felt like there were bugs crawling on me until i fell asleep)
#local australian man terrorised by very harmless tiny insectoid creature that is so small it would otherwise be almost unnoticeable#(ok tbf huntsman spiders aren't ''harmless'' per se but they wouldn't bite you unless you really provoked them to. still tho. harmless)#also the spider is ok :)#i captured him in a jar and put him outside and he has now burrowed himself in a potted plant <3#he's actually really adorable but the problem is that i am TERRIFIED of spiders so i was just like#switching from going ''hi little fella you're so cute can you please get in the jar''#to going 'wgAT THE FUCK HOLY SHIT'' every time he got scared and moved#this is the closest i have ever gotten to touching a huntsman spider ever#weirdest thing is that i think this spider was in my room before. like i found a baby spider a couple weeks ago and here it is again#i thought it just like. vanished and went somewhere else as spiders do but he was apparently in my room the whole time........#but yeah. i have like. the weirdest inner dilemma with spiders#cause like. i like spiders. but i'm also very scared of them. but they're cute. but they're also very visually distressing.#but they're helpful creatures to keep in your home. but they're also very sneaky and could jumpscare you on accident#and also i don't want to have a spider in my room because what if i don't know that it's there and it gets hurt.....#my room is so messy and i'm so clumsy that i'm afraid i'd hurt the poor thing unknowingly#i love spiders but i also have like 10 layers of fear keeping me from getting close to one#like that encounter was the closest i've gotten to a huntsman spider. apart from the bathroom jumpscare incident#spider#huntsman#huntsman spider#arachnophobia#also update: the big huntsman that was living in the kitchen is back.....#he's ok though he can stay there#he's a good bug catcher and i love him :)#he's very dusty and gangly and strange i love him very much#he scares me sometimes but he is my little buddy
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You can't make a show about found family and not expect us to also absorb The Angry One.
The Angry One comes standard with every found family package.
#as it turns out a bunch of rejected people sometimes have Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms#you just love the Angry One against their will#and you protect the Terrified Cinnamon Roll#and you try to counter mother the Mothering Responsible One as much as possible#occasionally you tap The Very Quiet One on the shoulder to make sure they're still breathing#this is an Izzy Hands post but it applies to basically anything#Izzy Hands#ofmd#our flag means death
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i am being so fucking autistic about a video game i've only played an hour and a half of and have absorbed like 99% of my information about through osmosis from my bestie(s. it's complicated) and fanfiction. catastrophic levels of autism. i can't stress this in words i don't think y'all understand. or care honestly sdflkjfdskdfsjsfdkj-
#puppy rambles#slightly hurts to know no one seems to really care but eh. can't blame anyone i know y'all follow me for rhythm heaven#i think i have been making high-quality posts though y'all aren't appreciating my incomprehensible rambles about persona enough </3#/lh#(which is funny since this blog isn't even really a rhythm heaven blog anymore i don't think that'll be my main hyperfixation for a bit)#(if ever. it was uhhhhhh. kindddddd of unhealthy. haha lol xd :3)#(turns out a rhythm game that i barely interact with the fandom for is not stimulating enough for my adhd and autism!!! shocking i know)#(i still love rhythm heaven but it was bad for my brain-)#(i'm happy for all the friends i made through it though :333 even if i've only talked to like. one or two of you guys cuz of anxiety)#(and even then just through asks because the idea of interacting with people on tumblr through other means honestly terrifies me)#anyways it's going down now persona 3 reload bops hard idk 99% of the lyrics though#persona songs are good at being incomprehensible. even if you can understand the lyrics i think they're kinda nonsensical sometimes#i mean. check it out i'm in the house like carpet. that's an actual line from a persona song#which is hilarious to me. funniest metaphor#anyways wiping all out is the best persona song i think (<- only actually remembers what like 10 persona songs sound like)#been a little while but i'm still prattling. not a princess (a lot of anger in it) not your cutie girlfriend oh no don't you know#three dots connect to rectangles. demolition#yes i did specifically play p3p and specifically as girl. i probably won't play it more for a while now tho tbh#i kinddddd of spoiled myself on. basically all of the important plot points. through lesbian fanfiction#look can you really blame me. like *vaguely gestures* the door and the toaster are fucking KISSING#they should undoor. i knowwwwww it goes against the game's message but. shut up. i like happy endings#no dead lovers allowed over here >:(#they deserve to be happy and not crucified
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ough so i just finished watching heartstopper and something i do rather appreciate about this show--outside of all the beautiful queer rep and friendships--is probably just this. idea that you could be surrounded by literally the best and kindest support group and! sometimes you will still have bad days! something something when doctor who said that life is a pile of good things and a pile of bad things and the good things don't always make the bad things go away, but the bad things don't make the good things less significant or important! it is very true that you could have a million reasons to be happy, but still struggle very deeply with hurts that you've had in the past! but that's okay! that doesn't mean you're a sad story! you'll be okay! it's not bad that you have all these beautiful people in your life and still aren't 100% there all the time! you'll be! okay!
#caroline talks#the way i don't even know if this is the biggest takeaway in heartstopper#but charlie's arc in the last few episodes of season 2 are so. MAN--#and also darcy's arc is also. i'm. crying!#it's like. two people who seem pretty cheery and sweet but then they spend days just quietly isolating themselves#or just refusing to tell anyone about anything because they're terrified of just. having too much baggage.#and. idk!#i feel like there's this lie that a lot of people tell themselves#that's just like 'if i have fulfilling relationships then i should be happy! i should be fixed!'#and it's just like. babes no.#yes having fulfilling relationships can do wonders for your mental health and sense of self!#but you might still have! bad days!#like. i know that i would sometimes have these moments of.#like. you don't need to constantly be suffering in order to make your trauma valid. y'know?#and i feel like heartstopper delivers that theme quite well
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love procrastinating going to bed and then suddenly thinking about how I need to give at least one of my characters VERY strong opinions on different animal species RIGHT FUCKING NOW
#Local Spider Yells At Clouds#like??? characters having strong opinions about things that mean jack shit is just really fun to me#I'm gonna try to think of some animals each character would like and dislike real quick off the top of my head#first thought: Gamma is probably both fascinated and deeply terrified by deep sea fish#like!! he thinks the fish themselves are pretty neat!! (it helps that Alice makes freakier looking things on a regular basis)#but everything about WHERE THEY LIVE freaks him the fuck out#man is hydrophobic already!! learning about water pressure and what it could do to a person might make him pass out#very next thought: Lydia probably likes frogs. I feel like they're not her FAVOURITE animal tho. top 5 definitely#very strange that I'm saying that while also having no idea what her ACTUAL favourite animal would be but eh. that's how it goes sometimes.#she probably likes tree frogs the best because those are peak Silly Little Guys#none of these are STRONG opinions tho!!!! I want a character who's either ride or die for a very specific animal#or a character who looks at this particular animal and goes ''I want this bitch GONE FROM EARTH''#...actually I just realized. I gave NONE of the Realm kiddos animal-loving as a core trait#HOW did I do that???? I MADE THESE FUCKERS WHEN I WAS STILL A KID AND WAS WAITING TO BE ABLE TO VOLUNTEER AT THE LOCAL ANIMAL SHELTER!!#TWO OF THESE BITCHES STARTED AS STRAIGHT-UP SELF INSERTS AND NONE OF THEM HAVE ''LIKES CREATURES'' AS A MAIN CHARACTER TRAIT?????#the easy answer would be to say Lydia or Dylan but. that's the easy answer.#oh yeah make the super-friendly character care about animals a lot. real original there me#...aw it'd be sad if it was Cynthia#because. no memories. any pets she had back on Earth are long forgotten by now.#and because of her role in the camp she'd probably never let herself get a pet either... never rediscovering her love for animals at all#this started with a dumb one-off thought about how I need to give my characters more stupid hills to die on#and ended with me remembering just how damn depressing Cynthia's memory wipe really is as a plot point lmao#it's just like. remembering that she used to have a LIFE before all of this!!#she had passions and joys and all of it got THROWN IN THE TOILET due to circumstances beyond her control!!!#and because of a choice she made herself she has no idea there was ever something else her life could have been!!!#...then again. maybe that was the point.#anyways!!!!!!!! sorry for the blog being dead for a bit lol#getting back into writing now so I'll probably get the queue running again shortly!!
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I am so so glad to live in a world with instant digital photography; the convenience and low budget of that compared to film cannot be disputed. I like the hobby, I'm nosy, and I adore how we can share images with each other All the time with relative ease!
but aside from, you know, the more serious fear of constant surveillance that isn't any fun to discuss here at length, it's also kind of a double-edged sword situation in that it lets us curate and edit our memories too well. you can just take a thousand pictures and delete them now until you get the most flattering one, or the one you Think would be most flattering, instead of something more authentic and silly that isn't at all polished but is more enjoyable to laugh about. I think doing stuff like that more often helps you a lot more in the long run anyway. it's good thing digital exists, it's improved the world for many reasons, and it's not like the other options are lost forever, but. these little things are also very nice!
also this one isn't really that important but I personally just love the delayed gratification of sending them away and the excitement of having to wait to look through a fat envelope of snaps you have no idea what's on
#god does this sound too father I cannot click book/phone bad I really don't mean that LMAO#there's no way to phrase this without it sounding generically anti-instagram or someting but#my family have a bunch of photo albums and many more photos that were never put in so they're still in those kodak envelopes#and I flipped through those a lot as a kid#also this is still something present in digital but that's pretty much been corrected these days:#it's fun to take a picture of someone and get The most sudden and terrifying red-eye effect#& the thing is I know I'm totally romanticising something that's better off fixed bc that is such an annoyance#but sometimes it really adds to the pic like oh well this was meant to be normal but I guess they're evil now
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i always know i’m getting stressed when my comfort fic becomes “time travel fix-it” adjacent. like honestly when i put that tag back in the ao3 include filters that should have been a red flag.
#i also know i'm getting stressed because i'm starting to do quirky shit#like naming one of my wip documents 'the inside of my head sounds like screaming'#plus i just. have the insatiable urge to DO SOMETHING but that something is none of the things i can think of to do#even the unproductive ones. even the productive ones. it's not that. i need to DO SOMETHING but my body and mind can't decide on what#i'm running out of time. i have a deadline. the deadline has always been tangible and yet somehow it never was.#i have an exact date and somehow that's still nebulous and ephemeral#i am so tired#how do i convince someone i'm hireable when sometimes i'm still trying to convince myself#like i would love to tell these people that i am a WHIZ i am a GODSEND like if i don't know how to do it point me at the documentation#like i'd love to tell them all of that but the minute i look at a job application suddenly i'm questioning everything i thought i Knew#like i'm handed a school assignment and i'm like yes. this i can do. idc. it'll be done and i'm gonna get a damn A#why is this different. like literally why would it be that different. they say 'do this thing' and then i do the fucking thing.#that's life. that's work. that's what i've been told. why am i so scared. why am i not sure i can do it.#like i CAN do it that's what we've been fucking preparing for#i have As!!! As!!!!! they emailed me about graduating with distinction!!!!#i wasn't even trying that fucking hard!!!! this is my normal tryhard!!!!!#why am i so scared a job won't want me. when they're asking for fresh faced college grads.#i'm so tired. i have a headache. i am so afraid. i just need a job. literally one.#i am so scared of the mess i am going to become once i cross that stage#i am so. terrified. i wish i could anticipate graduation like everybody else in my design project.#the future has teeth. and my only option rn is just. bite it first. but i don't think i've ever been that violent.#i'm not ready#i am so scared#not kpop#shut up vic#negativity
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i think the worst thing about losing old friends is when the friends you lose are the exact kind of people who simultaneously understand the impulse to want to grow away and can’t understand why you would cave in. because it’s like. i never really know how to explain what went wrong because i already know that they know in theory the kinds of things that can happen but how to actually explain it is impossible. it’s. very hard to be friends with me i guess
#especially over the internet it's like. i'm trying. i know i'm trying and they have to know that i'm trying or at least i tried#but it was like. i spent six months fighting for my life to stay in contact with them#but that was during my breakdown last year. so i could talk to them but i also couldn't#because i didn't even know who they were anymore like i literally did not know#and once that happens for so long too it's like. how do you come back#how do you fix things#now there are like 5 new people i haven't met before#that are there and i know that their combined power can fill the hole i may not have even left but#i don't know. i wished them a happy winter solstice because i needed an excuse to tell them that i hope they're okay#without having to admit that i still read their messages and i still care even when i don't know them#i don't think they know anything about me anymore and that's fine i'm fine with it#i wish them happy birthdays sometimes. one of them still keeps in touch#i spend time mourning and celebrating the rest of their life even when they don't know i'm there#and that has to be terrifying but . but i don't know#it's really complicated but they're all good people it's just#i think i knew from the start it was never going to stick#i wish i had a choice for things to work i wish that was in my cards even slightly#and i know i could have like i know it's my fault but#when you have a group of people who knew you best when you were at your absolute worst#how do you face them ever again
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I saw a one act version of "The Tell-Tale Heart" in a masonic temple put on by a touring company that brought short stories to the stage for elementary school children, and that, folks, is how to experience Edgar Allan Poe.
#it was absolutely terrifying#one man and a few spare walls#not quite as traumatic as “The Monkey's Paw” they put on as act three#the pounding on the door still haunts my dreams#less is sometimes very very much more#they're called sensation novels for a reason#I won't name obvious names but horror doesn't have to be sentimental#sometimes it can just be cruel and insensible#book club
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I kinda wanna make a One Piece roleplay blog, but then I remember the last time I roleplayed regularly was in like 2011 on fucking proboards.
#also im terrified of interacting with other people#one piece#i was thinking Robin/Perona/OC#The proboard was Whammy's House#you know the detective orphanage from Death Note#i still miss those guys sometimes#i wonder what they're up to now#ive only been able to stay in contact with one of them
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With Bared Teeth & Prayers (Yandere Batfam X Neglected Reader) (Dark!!! Werewolf AU) (PT. 1)
TW: Mentions/allusions to cannibalism, death, and violence.
Three years had passed since that fateful day and your life had only gotten more miserable. Whatever hopes you had for being a part of a family were thwarted as soon as you stepped foot in the household. Bruce doesn't care about you, Dick was straight up mean, Jason (as the pack protector) was aggressive, Tim found you annoying, and Damien simply loathed your existence and would join Dick with his cruelty.
Both Stephanie and Barbara were civil with you, but neither really cared about what you did. Cassandra was nice, sometimes signing to you and giving you scented clothing, but she still didn't really go out of her way to engage with you. The only person who you felt truly cared about you was Alfred.
The first two years you tried your hardest to fit in and get the others to like you. You did whatever they wanted, made sure to learn their interests so you could talk to them, never complained, and made sure to respect the pack's boundaries.
You hoped that eventually, you’d all move past this hurdle and soon you would get along and be allowed in the pack den and other pack activities. Unfortunately, you realized that you would never be considered part of the family or the pack. Which as heartbreaking as it was, was the least of your worries.
You see, there was an ancient custom in werewolf culture concerning new pack members and pack initiation. When a new werewolf is introduced to a pack and their territory, the new werewolf has a certain amount of time to be accepted into the pack; if they’re not, well, they're killed and eaten.
Yeah… quite terrifying and barbaric if you think about it, but mostly only the old lineages still continue this practice. Which is why you’re absolutely fucked. See, typically when children come to a pack they get accepted immediately, pups were (usually) considered precious.
In your case, being a half-blood severely reduced your chances and well, you guessed the Wayne family just didn't like you. Which sucks because you only have until your 18th birthday to get them to accept you, and considering your 16th birthday was coming up, your time was coming to a close.
Or, you could always just run away. Hey! It was an option, one that you weren't sure the Bats would even let happen. Still it was worth a try. Which leads to your current situation in Bruce's office; you were trying to cut your losses a little early.
~~~~~~
“Look, I just feel as though this is the best course of action for your pack’s and my own safety.��� Came your exasperated and desperate voice.
“Safety?” Bruce questions, causally flipping through some Wayne Industries documents, as if he doesn't know exactly what you're talking about.
“Considering Damian’s tried to kill me five times, two of his attempts almost being successful, and Jason's pit aggression that has him ready to rip my throat out, you can see why someone would feel unsafe.” You state, voice raising slightly in pitch.
He hummed noncommittally, his eyes still focusing on whatever paperwork he was going over.
“I'll think about it.” He replies, still disinterested.
“There’s nothing to think about! I should be allowed to leave if I want to, and if anything I'll finally be out of your pack's way.” You say, finally letting your frustration show through.
Why couldn't he just let you leave? Did he seriously want to keep you here just to kill– sorry, eat you in another two years?
“Excuse me?” He finally looks up from his work, his blue eyes meeting yours. He was unimpressed, you could tell that much at least, coupled with a dark look of simmering anger.
Okay, so maybe you should tone it down a notch.
“Come on, I'm not an idiot. I know me being here is simply a public formality, good fluff bits for the press y'know. But I'm not part of your family, and I'm certainly not part of your pack. You and the others have made that very clear. So please, allow me to do us both a favor and get out of your way.” You add.
“Where would you go?”
“Huh?” You blink in surprise.
“Where would you go?” Bruce repeats again.
“That–that is honestly none of your concern.”
“None of my concern? Aren't I entitled to know where my kid is?”
“No, you’re not. Sure you're biologically considered my father, but we all know I'm not really considered your kid.”
“Is that what you think?” He questions.
“Am I supposed to think any differently?”
“You carry the Wayne surname do you not?”
“I do.”
“Then you belong to the Waynes. To me. Which means that I decide what happens to you.”
There was the familiar darkness that you saw pooling in Bruce’s eyes, the type that left the Joker a tortured mess, the type that disemboweled Ra’s Al Ghul, the type of darkness that reminded you that Batman doesn’t kill. Oh no, he maims and tortures instead.
You unconsciously take a careful step back.
Bruce’s stare felt like ice, and his words hung in the air, thick and heavy with an authority that was absolute. You wanted to argue, to say something, but every instinct in your body screamed for caution. There was a darkness in his gaze that you had seen glimpses of before, but never directed at you, and now it was there, unblinking, cutting through any hope you’d harbored for mercy or understanding.
Your heart hammered, yet you forced yourself to stand straighter, swallowing down the instinctive fear.
“With all due respect,” you began, your voice smaller than you intended but steady, “staying here for another two years just for you all to—to follow through with that—custom, doesn’t seem fair.”
Bruce’s expression didn’t soften, but his posture shifted slightly, his gaze piercing through you like he could see every thought you tried to hide.
“Belonging is earned. It isn’t granted because of blood,” he stated coldly. “If you truly wish to belong somewhere, you work for it.”
“I’ve tried,” you said, voice thick with frustration. “I’ve tried everything. I’ve followed your rules, I tried with everyone, and stayed out of everyone’s way. But nothing I do is good enough.”
“You assume that acceptance is given on your terms,” he replied, voice as controlled as ever. “Pack structure doesn’t bend to anyone’s whims. Least of all a half-blood who hasn’t proven their loyalty.”
The words stung, tearing open a wound that you thought had scarred over. You clenched your fists, feeling the sharp ache of your own nails digging into your palms. “And what exactly does proving myself look like here? Surviving Damian’s attacks? Letting Jason rip me apart every chance he gets?”
“Watch your tone,” he warned, his voice low, cutting through any retort you’d planned.
You took a shaky breath, forcing yourself to take another step back from his desk. Challenging him wouldn’t help. He’d already decided where you stood, and nothing you said would change that. Maybe it was better to save your energy, conserve your strength for the day you’d finally slip away.
“Understood,” you said, swallowing the bitterness in your throat. “If that’s how it is, then I’ll stay out of everyone’s way.”
But you’d still leave when the time comes.
Bruce’s gaze hardened, like he knew what you were thinking. “Your place is here until I decide otherwise,” he said, a finality in his tone that told you any further argument would only worsen things.
He dismissed you with a look, returning to his papers as if the conversation were over, as if you were no longer there. Every step you took out of the office felt heavier, like the manor itself was holding you down, binding you to this place that was never truly a home.
As you closed the door behind you, the cold emptiness of the hallway wrapped around you, and you knew then—you were on your own. If you were to survive this, it would be on your own terms.
It's like clockwork when Alfred calls you down for dinner. The same time, the same routine.
You show up to dinner, hands still shaking and mind still reeling from your disturbingly cryptic conversation with Bruce. But, never mind that you’d just eat quietly and leave like you always do. You moved to your normal seat only to find that all the chairs near the end of the table had disappeared. What the actual fuck. Was this some type of powerplay? Something to imply that you didn’t even have a seat at their table anymore?
You mean, you wouldn't mind eating in the safety and comfort of your own room. With an exasperated sigh, which had a couple of heads turn their attention to you, you grabbed an empty plate and started loading it up with food. You were about to head back to your room when you heard an outraged growl from behind you.
The kind of growl that had you tensing, ready to submit and roll onto your back.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Jason growled out from behind you.
You freeze.
“To my room?” You responded meekly, curling in on yourself as much as you could.
“And pray tell, why do you think that’d be acceptable?”
“Uh–um, ‘cause my seats’ gone?”
Jason only smirked, the feral kind that almost always promised pain to his enemies.
“Oh, but your chair isn't gone, it's right here.” Jason says pointing to a chair right near the head of the table.
You blanked. That's not right. Only pack was allowed that close to the head of the table, where Bruce sat, where the pack leader sat.
“B-But, I can’t–”
“Did that sound like a suggestion?”
You shook your head no, swallowing down a whimper that almost escaped your lungs.
“Then sit your ass down,” Jason growled.
He didn't have to tell you twice.
Immediately you shakily sat down in your new seat, on the left side of Bruce’s seat at the head of the table with Jason sitting at your left shoulder and Dick across from you. Not good, not good at all. You could feel the acidic, green gaze of Jason burning into the side of your face whilst Dick languidly sipped his wine, a sickeningly sweet smile (with way too many teeth to be considered anything but malicious), plastered on his face as he stared at the new seating chart. You let out a shaky breath, trying to get your heart rate back to normal; you were so gonna die tonight.
Thankfully, Bruce arrived and sat himself in his seat at the head of the table; right next to you. You closed your eyes, trying to focus on getting air in your lungs and slowing your racing heart. Unbeknownst to you, Bruce shot a knowing stare at the rest of the table. As much as you tried to conceal it, they could all hear your rapidly fluttering heartbeat and your poorly hidden breathing. Tim and Jason both watched you amused; you looked so darn pathetic, sitting there trembling like a leaf.
You glanced down at your plate, picking at the food without really tasting it, hoping that staying silent would help you melt into the background.
Bruce, however, remained still and silent, his presence looming over you, radiating the authority that seemed to keep everyone else in check. But even that felt like a facade; the way his gaze lingered on you for a split second too long told you he was watching closely, assessing.
You forced yourself to take a bite, trying to steady your hands enough to appear somewhat composed. But the sound of your own heartbeat seemed to echo in your ears, loud and unrelenting, as if amplifying the anxiety that twisted in your gut. They could hear it too; you knew that much from the way Jason’s smirk deepened, from the way Tim’s lips twitched with barely-contained laughter.
As the dinner dragged on, every clink of a fork, every quiet murmur, felt like it was directed at you. The food turned to ash in your mouth, each bite only reminding you of the eyes trained on you, dissecting you with every chew and every breath.
The rest of the dinner passed in strained silence, every second an endurance test as you forced yourself to stay seated, to keep your head down. When Bruce finally pushed his chair back and dismissed everyone, the wave of relief was almost enough to make you lightheaded. Quick as a whip, you practically ran up the stairs towards the safety and solace of your room.
When you make it, the locks on your door are immediately fastened (not that it would do much if anyone wanted to actually force their way in). You exhale in relief as you try to collect your thoughts. Fuck, everything was going to shit; the worst part being you had school tomorrow (which thankfully you did not go to Gotham Prep; you'd kill yourself if you did). You groaned at the thought, digging the heels of your palms into your eyes to relieve the ache shooting through them.
Looks like another night of shitty sleep.
Taglist!!: @lostsomewhereinthegarden, @the-rouge-robin, @confused-they
#platonic yandere#batfamily#yandere batfam#neglected reader#yandere jason todd#yandere cassandra cain#yandere bruce wayne#yandere damian wayne#yandere dick grayson#yandere tim drake#yandere batfamily#batfam#batfamily x reader#batfam x reader#yandere batfamily x reader#yandere batman#yandere batboys#werewolves#werewolf#werewolf au#dark#cw: gore#tw violence#fem reader#female reader
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It's darkly amusing to me that some people thought my mom didn't "discipline" me enough as a kid, were not shy about making sure both she AND I knew it, and now as an adult I'm one of the only people in my friend group who still wants anything to do with their parents. The proof is in the pudding, as they say.
When I was a kid, I broke a ceramic soap dispenser. I burst into tears and was terrified that I was going to be in trouble. My mom told me that it was okay, because accidents happen sometimes, and the important thing was that I didn't do it on purpose and apologized.
When someone else I know was a kid, they broke a dish on accident and got screamed at and guilt tripped. To this day, they have to push down a panic attack at the sound of broken glass, and have had to actively work on healing from that trauma. They will always have to carry that.
I think maybe it's not MY mom who fucked up in the "how to discipline your child" department. Quite frankly, I think the idea of "disciplining children" is fucked up and deeply harmful on a fundamental level.
When a kid does something wrong, you have to teach them how to fix it and do better. Humans are messy and complicated and we don't know everything there is to know just by being born. Children are learning how to be human beings, and that's a really hard thing to learn.
Kids question and fight back against authority that mistreats them, but someone treating them like a human being with human emotions is usually going to have a lot of success. Kids just want to be respected, and it's our job as adults to give them that basic human dignity. The world is utterly terrifying, and made scarier when all the grown-ups seem to hate you and wish you would just shut up and go away, even the ones that claim they want you around.
Kids can be mean, because they're still learning how to socialize and communicate and collaborate. Sometimes you have to give them time to cool off, and sometimes you have to redirect them. Sometimes you have to be firm. Sometimes you have to be an adult, and hone your conflict de-escalation and resolution skills. None of that requires punishment.
And if a child does something truly cruel and fucked up and shitty, and it hurts someone in a big way? My first question isn't "what should their punishment be," my first question is always, "who taught this kid that, and is this child in active danger from them?"
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would love your opinion of the newest episode of DW, if you get the chance.
HAHAHAHA YES I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS
Alright okay so
I only have one complaint, which is that that wasn't a faerie ring. You could still have the shamble, no problem, but it should have been over the top of an actual faerie ring, which should be a mushroom (or, at a push, stone) circle. Not some cotton that would blow clean off the cliff edge in three minutes.
HOWEVER
This is the first time I've seen Doctor Who do a time travel story using, not Doctor Who time travel lore and rules, but Welsh faerie rules. (First time I've seen anything do it, in fact.) In Welsh myth, people who enter faerie rings or get entranced by the music become suspended in time, out of sync with the real world. They think they danced for a night, but when they return it's been 100 years, and they crumble to dust as soon as they eat/drink/step on land/etc.
In this case, this is what I think happened to Ruby. She spent that time in Annwfn, seeing what would happen if the binding on the ring was broken. When she 'dies', she returns to the spot and lasts long enough to give her younger self the warning, then crumbles to dust.
But, a time travelling Ruby is not the woman who follows her throughout the episode. That, in fact, is a gwyll.
The gwyllion were hag faeries, usually of mountain tops (though Pembrokeshire's liminal cliffs are 100% from Welsh mythology - it was said that if you found a faerie ring on one but only put one foot in, you could see the faerie islands in the sea. And that faeries used to visit the human markets in Pembrokeshire and Ceredigion. So while gwyllion are unusual there, it's not an impossible relocation.) They were malicious and sometimes vicious faeries who delighted in making people lose their way, could strike an uncontrollable and ungodly terror into travellers, and who feature in more that one myth as an old woman that someone tried to approach, but they always appeared at the same distance away, impossible to catch up.
CAN YOU SEE THE PARALLELS
And the best part!! Is that this is why she defeats UNIT!!!
Kate tells Ruby that her agents have necklaces of silver and salt to keep out the supernatural, but that's just generic fairytale shit. That doesn't work on gwyllion. Salt drawn in a line would provide a barrier, but the UNIT soldiers aren't trying to trap or block the gwyll; they're trying to capture her. What works, very specifically, is a knife. Iron or steel for preference of course, but it needs to be a knife.
But UNIT has no Welsh employees and the soldiers have guns, not knives. And so they all become entranced.
(This is also what I think the gwyll 'says' to everyone to turn them against Ruby. She doesn't say anything - she sings.)
This is also the first time I've ever encountered any mainstream media doing Welsh faeries and understanding the tone to strike, which is 'unknowable, unstoppable and fucking terrifying'. I think I've only ever read it in Catharine Fisher books, and she's a Welsh author so... yeah, obviously. But I basically vibrated with delight and excitement for the entire episode.
Oh my god, hang on, Roger ap Gwilliam! Okay, I have two theories about him.
My weaker theory and the one I don't like is the kind of boring and obvious one, which is that he is himself not human. A lot of Welsh folklore features the devil, and I get that vibe from his role in the story. But, I'm not keen, because I can't see the link to the gwyll.
But my strongest theory, and the one I have chosen to believe, is that he's a human who made a deal with the Fae for power, and then reneged. There's a Metric Fuckton of stories about humans fucking up Fae gifts in some way, and the punishment is usually something ironic but always results in the loss of the gift. It could be a faerie harp that makes everyone dance, and the Fae tell the giftee not to abuse it, but they cruelly force everyone to dance so long and so hard that the faerie returns, takes back the harp, and then takes the human's ability to ever make music again, so example (by taking fingers or eyes or tongues as well, often.)
So I think Mad Jack strikes a bargain for power - but, then tries to abuse that power (nuclear war). But part of the bargain is that the Fae cannot approach him directly ever again. In the real world, they therefore tempt him into the faerie ring and bind his soul there, problem solved - until the Doctor accidentally lets him out, and gets his own soul stuck. Ruby, therefore, becomes the instrument through which they manage to take that power away once again - and then, her final Fae gift for her service is that they use the temporal anomaly of the faerie ring to send her back, at the end of her life, and give her a second chance. This time, with Mad Jack's soul left bound in Annwfn.
The fun part is, RTD is a writer who understands the power of not explaining everything and leaving some things up to the viewer's imagination, so none of this is ever going to be explained lol. But yeah, that is a gwyll. The moment she appeared, I said out loud "Oh holy fuck, gwyllion." That was a gwyll.
As a final observation, I loved seeing Siân Phillips, and I choose to believe they filmed those scenes in a pub because they could only get Siân if they agreed to just come to her local. The woman is a queen.
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sometimes i think about how absolutely BANGER Gem's villain aesthetic was in Secret Life. Like, she's got this whole vibe of infection and disease around her and it slaps so hard. First you got the End portal stuff with her arm and eye when she goes Yellow (alongside the implication of her ripping out her own eye to use for the End Portal) and later you have her as Patient Zero for the boogeyman/zombie outbreak. And she kills just as indiscriminately as an epidemic would, including her own allies when they offer themselves to her. Hell, she kills Scott TWICE and technically kills Impulse twice too, once by her own hands and once when Bdubs kills him right in front of her to continue the spread of the curse.
And then you combine all this with the idea of her being a deer and it just gets better. Not only are deer prone to uncanny valley vibes, but they're also extremely susceptible to Chronic Wasting Disease, aka Zombie Deer Disease. Which is scary as shit, like all prion diseases. It literally eats away at the brain and leaves the animal a husk. And it's completely incurable, 100% fatal, and spreads easily (not to humans though, thank fuck.)
Now imagine this diseased horned prey creature hunting and killing whatever gets in its way while infections far beyond its ability to comprehend ravage its body and mind. And everything it kills comes back just as screwed up and terrifying. Very few can fight back against it, let alone slay it. No one is safe, the ones who survive either do so because they're Something Not Human (Grian the Watcher), Already Biologically Dead (ZOMBIECleo) or just got lucky and never got caught (Scott). However, there is one last piece of horror unaccounted for. The carrier, no matter how thin, no matter how much drool leaks from her mouth, no matter how erratic and unholy her behavior, is still aware. Still in control.
There's an independent will behind the spread.
#geminitay#secret life#can you tell i'm still kinda wacky about secret life#the VIBES and AESTHETICS went SO HARD#I warmed up to the whole “zombie apocalypse” with time what can i say#anyways disease is TERRIFYING#PRION DISEASES ESPECIALLY#SECRET LIFE GEM IS SCARY AF FOR THAT. FUCKED UP DISEASED DEER GIRL WHO ONLY A FEW OTHERS CAN GO TOE TO TOE WITH#dose of gem
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