#but sometimes I'm like
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biting into the american healthcare system and tearing out its jugular vein with my teeth
#nothing makes me feel like a feral animal the way trying to do anything with my healthcare does#I know corporate life is no picnic#but sometimes I'm like#'oh to have comprehensive healthcare and a 401k'#'the dream'#personal#lauren says things
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*gaslights myself about my experience of chronic back pain because every time i go online i see another meme about how everyone has back pain and i think maybe this is just normal and i'm weak*
#chronic pain#chronic illness#doctor: there is definitely something Wrong with you#me: what if i'm just being a baby though :)#also i have a ton of other pain and issues too so like#i know that there is really something going on#but sometimes i'm like#maybe this is just how everyone feels#chronic illness diaries
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this fucking scene in which corwin goes down on moire is making my brain twitch, i've been thinking about it for two weeks now
#this book is infuriatingly great#and greatly infuriating#because it's fucking great#but sometimes i'm like#sir what the fuck does this mean#and sometimes i'm just rolling around on the floor#and sometimes i'm just giddy
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google help me
#be shh now#i'm reading needful things and sometimes i come to a sentence that's just like. indescribable. mr king why have you done this.
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)
At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.
Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.
#i think about this story sometimes like yeah I'm proud of them for that too actually. good job baby brothers#they're not babies anymore of course they're turning 20 next year which is crazy#but they're still the type of people who'd do something if they saw something of this sort happen for sure#respectful of women and everyone else too. they're good guys#I'm glad I ended up with them living in my house against my will for like 14 years#anyway i have no idea where i was for all this but my best guess is probably a friends house given the time period#i was always at my besties house lol#i hope she's doing well too actually. haven't spoken in forever...#bestie from greek elementary school... if you're out there... let's get muffins and fanta at the bakery across the street again someday 💜☮️
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A h-heartfelt reunion..?
Bonus
#Sir Crocodile#Monkey D Dragon#Emporio Ivankov#Dragodile#Crocodad#My art#One Piece#We're not gonna talk about the work I should be doing rn I have Severe Procrastinitis and I'm doing my best okay#Alternative version where it was both Crocodile and Garp beating Dragon's ass before Iva-chan joined in but that was too much effort lmao#I'm a believer in Dragon being a Wind Logia so don't worry guys he is 100% taking this beating intentionally#He knows what he did and he's dealing with the concequences of his actions. With grace.#You know I realize Iva-chan should be two whole meters taller than Crocodile but we're just gonna ignore that#Look Iva-chan taking Crocodile's side and being like ''Crocoboy is right you fucked up bad Dragon'' brings me joy#And for real I've been wanting to draw this for months. But never did because I had other shit to do. Which I still do#But. You know. Sometimes you need to draw a shitpost. It's ✨ self-care ✨#And appearently One Piece shitpost comics have become the thing I draw for myself on occassion
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wow sam is so beautiful just saw his face for like two seconds i can't keep living like this fr get me out please
#why am i like this#why can't i be at least a tiny little bit normal about him#i don't need to be fully normal#would rather not i have so so much fun being so so not normal#but sometimes i'm like#i'd like to be able to stare at my boyfriend without going into cardiac arrest please like chill the fuck out oh my god#i need a good like#idk hit to the head#concuss me#LOL I CANT GET ME OUT#. >> ria says shit !#. >> sammy ♥︎ !
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I am incredibly serious right now when I beg you all, please, and if you have Twitter or Tiktok or whatever to please spread the word: click on an author's profile on Ao3.
You want to know if an author has written more? Want to know if they're still writing? Want to see more from them? Want to know if they've written a trope or kink or sex scenario you enjoy?
Click on their name. And look at their profile.
I cannot tell you how many times in the last six months someone has read a new or newer fic of mine and said they (a new reader who has read nothing else I've done) "can't wait to see what you do next!" I've written 50+ fics and over a million words already.
"I don't know if you're still writing..." click on my profile. I am. I literally wrote a 128k+ fic for that ship last month.
"Would you ever do X?" "Please do Y!" I already did. Click on my name and look at my works.
Archive of our Own is a library. It's an archive. Not social media. It is your responsibility to fight back against the laziness that corporate algorithms have trained into you.
Click my author name. Just click it. Just click it.
Before you demand more, or ask if a writer will do XYZ, or wonder if the author still writing, or anything - click on their profile. Click on the author's profile.
I'm not trying to be mean or condescending or anything like that. I'm just exhausted. It's disheartening and frustrating to repeat myself ad nauseam, because someone couldn't take thirty seconds to do the tiniest bit of work to see if I've written lately, if I've written more for their ship, or scan my works to see if I've written what they're asking for. Please. Please. I'm begging.
Click the author's name, and explore before you ask.
#lincoln rants#I'm sorry but I'm at the end of my rope#I got a LOT of these comments on my Buddie Platonic Sugar Baby AU#acting like I was some new writer to the fandom#babes I've been here since the dawn of 2020 where the fuck have YOU been?#I am happy to answer questions! I love responding to reader comments!#but it is beyond frustrating to answer a question that if they'd literally just clicked on my author name#they would have gotten the answer to themselves#yes I have written more yes I am still writing yes I've been here longer than you have#and I don't mean that in a pulling rank/seniority way I just mean that in a could you please just CLICK ON MY NAME???#INSTEAD OF MAKING ASSUMPTIONS??? way#I'VE DONE MY TIME! FOUR AND A HALF YEARS! IN THE CIRCUS!#I'm sorry but sometimes I have to yell publicly a little#and I really do suspect this is people who are not on tumblr#so I am genuinely begging you#if you are on other social media platforms#PLEASE feel free to repeat what I have said#PLEASE I AM SO TIRED!!!
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begging people i text literally one second after TO RESPOND TO ME SOONER THAN LIKE AN HOUR BECAUSE??????
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"Canon divergence" but it's giving characters the close friendships I think they would have had if canon had expanded a little more.
#maybe bc they couldnt include it without overstuffing the story or bc they didn't have time. but i know it happened.#sometimes two characters WOULD have been best friends!! i know they would have been! canon just didn't go into it for some reason#i think i made a post like this before#but whatever#i'm saying stuff
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a full SAGA of chaos choices at the diner in the centre of your mind
#so in summary:#coffee grounds; room temp vodka; the feeling of first having root beer; coffee and bacon; maple syrup; grenadine; and a calzone#they are all so insane and i love them for it#and also its such a perfect representation of a brain#bc like! yeah! that IS what my thoughts are bouncing between when i'm asked what i want for a meal! i am that fucking bonkers sometimes!!#dimension 20#dimension 20 mentopolis#mentopolis#mentopolis spoilers#d20#dnd#brennan lee mulligan#hunch curio#anastasia tension#conrad schintz#the fix#imedla pulse#dan fucks#alex song xia#hank green#danielle radford#freddy wong#siobhan thompson#mike trapp#d20 cast#long post#andis thought geyser
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This is petty fandom salt, BUT... I've been chewing on this phenomenon that I've been calling "Fandom's Darling". It is related to things like "Author's Darling" and "Mary Sue / Gary Stu" and "Protagonist Halo" and all that jazz, where one character gains a peculiar narrative weight in a story.
"Author's Darling" is when a writer has a favorite character, and the world and all other characters sort of get... warped to put the Darling in the spotlight. It's most noticeable in TV shows with multiple writers, when a character you personally like suddenly has their previous characterization destroyed to make another character look good somehow. Every other character might become weirdly incompetent. The Darling's feelings are treated as The Most Important Feelings in any given situation. The logic of the fictional world seems broken past suspension of disbelief in order to validate this one character's beliefs or skillset or some other fantasy. And so on.
"Fandom's Darling" is what I've been calling the pattern where a fandom essentially crowns a New Protagonist for their fanfiction stories (it's often a side character rather than the original protagonist, but it can also happen to protagonists). This character becomes the self-insert for all sorts of indulgent fantasies, gaining special powers or backstories, and/or becoming the focus of extreme whump, and/or hooking up with all the various hotties, starring in all sorts of tropey AUs, and so on. They're not always an obvious Mary Sue version of themselves, but the character's original personality and interpersonal relationships tend to get warped or dropped completely, and other characters tend to become a little flat around them. I call it "Fandom's Darling" because it's not just one self-indulgent fantasy fic (you do you! Have fun!) with characterization choices that I don't vibe with (I have neither the time nor the desire nor the authority to police anything, I am just venting), but rather a prolific mini-fandom of sorts revolving around this empty doll / fanon version of the chosen vessel character, so it becomes a little unavoidable.
I am salty about this (mildly frustrated) (imagine a soft sigh of disappointment before I just go do something else) because you are FUCKED if you actually liked the canonical version of this character and their interpersonal relationships. It's almost worse than liking an obscure character that no one cares about. There's about a thousand fics starring your fave, but maybe only about a dozen of them are actually rooted in any kind of recognisable canon.
#I didn't watch Teen Wolf but I know this happened to that Stiles character#I'm not active in any DC fandom but it looks like this happened to Tim Drake and to a lesser extent Dick and Jason#In prequels-era Star Wars it seems to be Obi-Wan; he's the spark/focus of this post here; bring back his flaws I like that he kind of sucks#sometimes a Fandom's Darling comes out of an Author's Darling! usually Fandom's are vessels to fuck the “hottest guy” available though#I will probably turn reblogs off if this spreads too far because I really don't care if people write Mary Sue fanfic; can't cast that stone#squinting at every “intersex” tag like Inigo Montoya: “I don't think that means what you think it means.”#honestly the fantasy intersex thing is a separate & more serious post; but the fandom usage is a red/yellow flag for me when searching#tossawary fandom#fandom's darling
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like truly there is nothing more heartbreaking than watching game franchises go from 2d art that's filled to the brim with personality and near flawlessly executed to middling 3d models.
#people keep tagging this like 'ops icon lets me know everything'#but this post was about the pokemon franchise. and professor layton sorry to disappoint#aa5 and 6 look like shit but thats not the fault of transitioning to 3d.#that's the fault of extremely mediocre art direction#PLVSPWAA and the TGAA duology prove that ace attorney can have beautiful 3d artwork!#Edit: I have to turn reblogs off on this post because I can't handle people assuming it's about ace attorney anymore#I know multiple video gam franchises I know I'm an aa fan but I am capable of posting about other things sometimes
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Siblings!!!!
(semi cleaned up some sketches I had lying around)
#I love them very much so have my take on them (?)#sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who prefers the robins to have more subtle differences in design#as in... similar-ish but still very much distinguishable!#dick grayson#nightwing#cassandra cain#jason todd#red hood#batman#batfamily#dc#flon#flonflonflon#flonart
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i'm very picky about tv shows, but my pickiness has only an incidental relationship to whether or not a show is "good". it needs to scratch a particular itch in my brain at the right moment. do i know what the right moment is? no. do i know what the itch is? also no. i can be relied upon to get instantly bored of 85% of tv shows and then turn the remaining 15% into a central facet of my personality for 3-5 business months and even i am incapable of predicting which one it'll be ahead of time.
#least favorite genre of people are the ones who are like 'but how do you reconcile enjoying this thing with the fact that it's not good 🤨'#and like idk man aside from the fact that 'good' is not an immutable and universally agreed-upon descriptor#sometimes shit just makes my brain go brrr and i'm not interested in deconstructing it any further
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