#but somehow I'm the one who wasn't trying and I'm the one who is irresponsible

[highraccoon]

i hope she burns. i hope she suffers the fate she placed herself in the way of. i hope she learns what true, genuine suffering is and i hope it eats away at her until there's nothing left. i hope she learns what it's like to be truly alone. i hope she learns what real, lasting pain is.

i hope that lying manipulative gaslighting piece of shit feels everything she put me through and i hope it breaks her. i have no compassion for someone who manipulated and gaslighted me for (5)years only to say the most ableist shit and claim that she feels no guilt for what she did to me and that her shitty boyfriend is a harmless angel(yeah, tell that to the hole in the wall he punched). she can make herself look like a victim, she's a spectacular liar, but that won't ever change the truth.

what a sick, disgusting, cowardly, ignorant and immature bitch.

[embracing-the-ineffable]

Beware clickbait accusations

Hi fandom, here's what happened yesterday: A reporter named Rachel Johnson, who is the sister to Boris Johnson and a big terfy supporter of JK Rowling, released a 4-part true crime podcast featuring two women accusing Neil Gaiman of SA. Yesterday. The day before the UK elections. This post explores the possible political links in more detail.

CW: this post is free of graphic details, but if you follow these links, there may be explicit descriptions of sex, kink, and bdsm, plus mentions of mental illness and suicidal thoughts.

I want to believe and support survivors, and I also want to base my thoughts and actions on facts. I thought the xitter livestream commentary from Not Becky for all 4 episodes was very insightful. There's also a first episode transcript without extra commentary. (Edit: released after I wrote this post: the full audio plus transcripts for all four episodes of the podcast are now available to download here, or you can read all four transcripts in your browser.) I have since concluded (pending more time to think and read and learn, or any new information, of course):

This seems like the worst kind of clickbait, an unjustified mess that will hurt everyone involved (except possibly a few politicians who might benefit somehow, we'll see). The evidence the "reporters" present directly contradicts their accusations. They're counting on people reading headlines and not digging any deeper.

They tried to make something sinister where there was apparently consent and a caring relationship. Have they exploited one or both of these women? S, in particular, is described as vulnerable and with a history of unspecified mental illness. They have all of the message history between S and Neil, and her messages make the sexy stuff between the two of them sound enthusiastically consensual. There are even messages (multiple!) where she specifically says everything was consensual. Here's one:

They're playing horror music in the background to try to make us feel horrified, even as S reassures us that things were consensual. It's emotional manipulation by the reporters.

The times S sounds upset during the interview are the times she talks about Neil leaving her behind or not paying attention to her. Not the times she talks about consent violations. Her stories during the interview are inconsistent, and they contradict her messages with Neil and with others. Maybe we'll get better information from a more reputable news source, or maybe not, I don't know. I also don't know why anyone who cares about her would have advised her to do this interview.

Then they tracked down lots of other women who know/have dated Neil and they all had glowing things to say, except one other lover from 20 years ago, K. She described some bad sex, and then pointed to a time in their 2-year relationship when she felt something wasn't consensual and he thought it was. And after their breakup, they continued to text and flirt, for decades.

This podcast "exposé" feels like explosive clickbait with political ramifications. The evidence here doesn't support a pattern of poor conduct so much as establish Neil as a fellow well-meaning human with imperfect judgement. That doesn't mean the accusations are all made up; intimate partner violence is complicated, and the responsibility for checking in and getting regular enthusiastic consent from partners is very real, especially when kink or bdsm are involved.

I don't know what the right balance is here between supporting survivors, thinking critically, assuming good intentions, and waiting for better information, but I feel confident that this podcast alone is not enough to condemn anyone aside from the irresponsible journalists who inflicted it on the rest of us.

PS/edit: I'm tagging my relevant posts (mostly reblogs) with #ineffable grief, and you can see all of them here.

[yuseirra]

It's kind of.. really cruel of the author to never include Kamiki in any of the colored drawings. They never developed him well enough while having him destroyed, he DID swallow up so many of the remaining chapters due to Aqua basically devoting his life and giving up on everything he built up in the entire story to killing him, but it's not like we actually know so much of this guy either. I've studied him A LOT but from your average reader's perspective he's like someone just little more than some rando, Ai's ex who's a psychopath showing up and the protag just dying with him. The thing is!! That "psychopath" laid out all the reasons why Aqua's life is precious and worth living and suggested he go back to live. This is what gets me so much. So was this the only way?? I'm coming up with my own analogies to make it have a sense- but it's the work that has to make things convincing. The readers should not do this work. The work should provide proper answers.

Ofc he could be horrible(I'm not convinced btw)but wow, even the Himekawas have Taiki visiting their grave in the final chapter with flowers when what they did is horrifying. THE WOMAN MOLESTED A LITTLE KID. STARTING FROM AGE 10-11. I really can't forgive how they just..; How can they be so irresponsible on handling such a subject? They just make a couple statements.. oh by the way I'm GLAD Taiki never had a confrontation with Kamiki. I saw how his characters of his name was written and do you know?? His name comes from how Kamiki's characters are written in kanji and I found that super cruel and creepy of Airi. That woman is a character but she's insane. I never felt Kamiki would have to confront the boy one bit. No, they never have to interact at all. What happened regarding them's still horrifying. I just saw a new drawing of the hoshino family but like, he's always nonexistent. Maybe he doesn't deserve it, but he's completely excluded in that whole family dynamic when it is stated that Ai wanted to raise her kids with him. I feel really bitter because what's the point?? of all this??

I had a chat with my friend who isn't really into the series much, and she had an interesting idea.

she says since the story is SO incomplete, and the author announced they're going to write a new series- she thinks that they may be trying to create a narrative where multiple narratives can somehow converge into a part of a huge universe or something. They'll explain all the weird things through it. Wasn't Kaguya-sama and Onk set in the same world? She says. There may be some beings that are chosen by the gods or hold some specialties in them but it's never really been explained how they've come to be or what conditions they get chosen, maybe they're going to continue writing several stories and explain it through another. "They never showed the dad being really dead, didn't they? We basically know so little about him? He might come back in another story." (I went, "BUT JUST WHAT WOULD HE DO?? AI'S STILL DEAD.." oh but in that case, he might actually look ENTIRELY different because he's an actor huh. and since there's "Misogi", he might be really purified by the saltwater. He might return to being a benevolent god now. Again, what was Aqua's life then but actually;; maybe Kamiki IS still alive. We really didn't see his body or know what the heck actually happened to him.)

I have no idea... but so much is just left unexplained.., so maybe she has a point. This work is simply incomplete. We really don't know what's been happening behind the scenes or why the twins were reincarnated, what were their missions and all, everything's left on a vague note. I do feel like they're going to have Ruby appear as a cameo in the author's next work as a famous idol on TV or something like that. Perhaps this piece may be a "stepping stone" for another story to develop on the same thing. While I was sitting there, listening to her theories of it, I couldn't help but feel really annoyed at the author. Even if they have some bigger picture or whatnot(if they somehow deem this piece a complete piece of work, that's even more concerning because anyone can tell it's extremely hollow and sloppy) this isn't respectful toward their readers who came in looking for a resolution.

I did manage to come up with an explanation for this piece that I'm pretty sure of, but they didn't do the work they were supposed to do. If they want to make some other piece of work and develop that first, then it's better to leave one on hiatus and create pieces that are "complete". Stories are a product, we don't come here to look at single puzzle pieces, we want the whole picture. The time, energy, and passion spent on reading a piece shouldn't feel like a waste. If the piece can't explain what's going on on its own, it's cannot be defined as a standalone. On that regard, onk isn't a standalone because nobody can figure out what's been going on about the ending of the piece by just seeing what the series has to offer, we have to make guesses that aren't properly laid out. It's like you order a pizza and you only got the dough. No matter how great the dough is, you'd STILL want a pizza because that's what you're there for. That's what the authors did for this piece, regarding the plot, and for all the characters of the series, the only character I think somewhat survived is Ai because her story had some sort of a wrap-up. She's the only one that feels complete in a sense, so this series..in the end, heavily relied on this one character who died in the first volume. She was really iconic.

Hopefully I don't have much more to be disappointed about-

oh, about Ruby in the last chapter. They had to let her speak for herself, she doesn't feel alive. Ruby can express the feelings she has. She has a mouth for herself. Why are they letting Akane speak on her behalf when she's not even the one that has a strong bond with her? Even if she is, wasn't Ruby supposed to be some sort of double protagonist? Or an important character at least? Or it could have been the author's intent(I'm strongly sensing that this is what they were going for, they want us to be a bystander the way we watch idols on tv and look up to them without knowing how they are as a human being), in that case, this whole piece leaves such a bad taste. So NOTHING's improved from Ai's case, it even got worse, the only thing that separates Ai's situation and keeps Ruby's career being endangered is that Ruby doesn't have a boyfriend and she doesn't have twins to care for. So what's the message huh?? Don't make any of those or even if you end up doing it, lie!! Is that it?

This piece is so disrespectful then. That's unsettling.

Those pages used in the final chapter should have been entirely devoted to Ruby speaking for herself if they even care for her as someone who has a heart of a person...but I don't think it's the message they want to show, the authors must want to make a point about the nature of idols having to keep up sturdy personas and keep shining at all times, but THAT'S already been discussed FAR better with Ai's case. It's even a step turned backward, so Onk wasn't really about growth.. Ruby's lost HER character. Not every work has to be about growth but having this happen after 17 volumes of story that seemed to suggest otherwise is not just baffling, it's not consistent writing and I wouldn't be this harsh(I'm not even being harsh right here. I'm being so generous with everything I'm typing)if it were to be written out in depth.

Borrowing my friend's commentary on it: This work don't discuss any of the issues they are presenting as insightful as it should, they just toss things out there and acknowledge they exist... but the characters make a few comments about that particular topic, make awkward laughs and then brush it off after having made you thought it's going to be handled. I think... acknowledging things have some meaning to it, at least it lets you realize it exist (for example, I started paying more attention to child abuse after having seen Ai and Kamiki's stories) but if you're going to bring it up, don't you have to handle it well? It's not the worst but I'd say it's SO FAR from what it can be as well. That is, also what I've found pretty annoying about this work. So nothing has been covered as well as it could have been. The plot, the characters, the subject it handles, they're all left hanging there. This piece is incomplete. And if you hand in an incomplete product, it isn't even graded. It gets sent back and is required to be completed and polished again till it is, or your contract is terminated. That's the situation with this piece. I wonder what the anime team would do with the third season but the authors had to hand in a piece they could work with. They shouldn't do this to them. I'm not saying the piece is entirely bad, it's just not a finished product. And that's not fair to all the people who wished for one.

[markantonys]

AITA for joining a "cult" that thinks my sister and mom are Darkfriends?

First, some backstory. I (30m) have always been an outsider in my family. It wasn't anything to do with my parents - dad (dead) always spent all his time with me instead of my younger siblings, and (step)mom (43f) always gave me extra attention compared to her bio kids because she didn't want me to feel neglected - or with my brother (21m), who's always looked up to me. It was all because of my sister (19f). She's hated and bullied me ever since she was a toddler, and I have no idea why. I guess maybe she doesn't think I'm her real brother, or blames me for telling on her whenever she did irresponsible things like climb trees and talk to strangers. All I've ever done is try to keep her safe, but she's never appreciated it.

Anyway, there's this organization (my sister claims it's a cult, though I don't think that's fair) that's dedicated to serving the Light. My mom always hated them and kept them banned from our country because she thinks they have an agenda against women who can channel, and she's one herself, as is my sister. I used to believe her, but after reading one book written by the organization's founder, I realized that my mom has a totally biased view of them and they're actually doing really important work founded on admirable principles. So when my sister went missing at the hands of women who can channel, I decided I'd had enough of those women lying to everyone all the time and I joined this organization.

I did have my view of them shaken when I found out my mom had been kidnapped, abused, and murdered by one of their leaders (turns out she's actually still alive though, don't worry about that), but I challenged that leader to an honorable duel and killed him to avenge my mom, and my friends and I rooted out a handful of other corrupt members of the organization, so now with that small minority gone, the rest of us can continue doing the Light's work and spreading awareness of the evils of the One Power.

To be clear, I OBVIOUSLY don't think my sister and mom are Darkfriends; it's only everyone else who uses the One Power who is. I've explained this to my sister multiple times but it only makes her angrier instead of grateful that I'm making an exception for her and choosing to believe the best of her. It feels like I can never do anything right in her eyes, but maybe I've somehow got the wrong understanding of the situation. So, AITA?

******

u/dainbornhald: NTA. Your sister's problem isn't actually that you joined this organization (which totally does sound 100% Light-serving). She doesn't think you're her real brother and is just looking for any excuse to continue the bullying, manipulation, and gaslighting she's been using on you since she was a toddler. [+5k votes] u/childbyar: Came here to say this. Sister sounds like a textbook abuser, and, honestly, almost definitely a Darkfriend. I'd go no contact with her, OP, and maybe get a restraining order if you have to - she's obviously unhinged. [+1.2k votes]

u/amyrlinseat: You joined a cult that thinks your sister is a Darkfriend based on an innate characteristic about her that she didn't choose and can't change (unlike you, who DID choose to join this cult), and you're whining that she's mad at you for it??? YTA [-749 votes]

u/luckyfox: YTA for the cult thing, but this whole family's got serious mommy AND daddy issues (take it from an expert). Sister resents you for getting all your parents' attention growing up, and you have a victim complex about being a stepchild/half-brother. I can only wonder what might be going on with the middle brother who wasn't mentioned much here. You guys need to go to therapy. [+2 votes] u/galaddamodred [OP]: My brother always seemed very well-adjusted, but a few hours after I made this post he actually died going on a suicide charge in battle because he thought he was unimportant enough to risk and no one would care much if he died in the attempt. Which sucks because now the only sibling I've got left is my sister who hates me. [+273 votes] u/luckyfox: oh my god [+312 votes]

[good7luck]

my personal TMI dumping

some descriptive, stressful details of my real life timeline as an incest CSA survivor

trigger warning: sexual crimes between full bio siblings, irresponsible full bio parents that protect the sex offender (their older adult son) more than the victim (their younger underage daughter), my negative feelings

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This is almost my first time to write something like this, and I'm sorry in advance if some words are too unnecessary or inappropriate ^^;

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(more under the cut)

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All my family members are fully blood-related. No adoption, no cheating, nothing "special".

I and my older brother shared little to no hobby or preference, especially with the 5+ years age gap and different genders. We barely interacted with each other, had little to no interest in each other, even before the incest CSA. We were neither "sweet" siblings nor "fighting" siblings. I'd say, it was close to a superficial, mandatory business relationship, perhaps.

My brother had held some inferiority complex about me, his little sister, who is 5+ years younger than him, though. He had complained that our parents love and care about me and only me, and he still insists so even now, after all his own incest sexual crimes.

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When I was 14 years old, a middle schooler minor,

my 5+ years older brother, a college student adult, sneaked into my bedroom and groped my breast for a while, which half waked me up. I was frozen in horror, and he didn't notice I was awake. When he stopped and got out of my room, it was 3-4 AM.

I was so shocked that there existed a trashy pervert criminal in my own bio family. I wasn't 100% sure if it's my brother or father at that time, but part of me knew it's probably my brother. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of calling my mother right away.

On the same day, maybe after the school, I forced myself and finally told her at home. My mother didn't believe me. She first said maybe I mistook my father trying to cover me with my blanket. I was so dumbfounded that I failed to explain more. She then chuckled and said maybe I had a sexual dream, cuz I hit puberty. I despaired completely.

I couldn't think of trying to tell my father next instead, when even my mother of the same gender as mine didn't believe her own bio daughter. I irrationally thought I should try to catch the criminal at the scene by myself if it happens again. I wasn't able to think I should just lock the door of my room from then on, especially when both my parents had never approved of it.

My brother came again and grabbed both breasts of mine harder several nights more after his "success" without any "consequence", and everytime I failed to do anything meaningful against him. Somehow, from some point, it never occurred again, at least I thought so.

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When I was 17 years old, a high schooler minor,

I accidentally found some inappropriate photos of my body parts in a folder on my brother's computer. They were all taken while I was sleeping, mostly at night and some at daytime as well. I had never noticed my brother had even taken photos of me at all. It turned out he had sexually abused me more times than I had noticed he did. "Anyway", I was so "happy" to finally find the solid evidences of my brother's sexual assaults on me at least now. I was surprised but not too surprised at newly revealed his extra crimes on his underage sister. I had been mentally broken that much.

After a few days, when I was ready-not-ready, I made my mother see the obnoxious photos of me on my brother's computer herself when he wasn't around. She had no choice but to believe my words, and she finally let my father know about my brother's crimes, including the photos.

One or two days later, my father had a talk with my brother outside for hours, while I and my mother were staying at home. With this, I believed all my lonely suffering days would finally come to an end. I trusted that my parents would deal with my brother "somehow" and that I would get some proper apology from everyone else and finally be free from all the mess "anyway" at last. I thought so, at least. I was way too naive.

After my father and brother came back, we all gathered for dinner. My parents forced me to apologize to my brother, before he apologized "back" to me by my parents' demand. I, the one-sided underage victim, was yelled and pressured to say sorry to the serious sex offender adult, even first. My parents didn't specify any of his sexual crimes. They pretended I, "too", had been "somehow wrong" to him, and so "both" should "equally" apologize to each other, for having been a "somehow disrespectful" sibling to the other.

It turned out my parents were "worried" my brother's "self-esteem" would get hurt too much as an older brother, when "they know" he's "in fact" a good person, and it's all porn's fault, my mother said. I lost my words at the ridiculous "logic" and apologia.

The incest adult-on-child SA crimes of years all awkwardly got "wrapped up" just like that, on that one single day. None of my parents apologized to their underage daughter for their horrible adult son or their own parental responsibilities. My selfish brother didn't do anything to make atonement for his sins. No one in my "family" cared about my self-esteem or what I felt or needed, before and after.

I had to keep living and eating together with my brother in the same house just like before. My parents still never stopped trying to put us "siblings" together, in the name of "family to depend on". No one had ever brought up any of the incest CSA since that one single day, as if nothing happened. I had never gotten any kind of real support from my parents at all. I guess they believed I must be "okay" cuz I looked "silent and calm", which was mostly because of too much exhaustion and frustration.

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When I was 20 years old, a college student adult,

the insane brother bastard entered my room again and squeezed both my breasts tightly again, which half waked me up. Our eyes met in the darkness, and he pathetically ran away to his room in hurry.

I was obviously so angry and upset that the shameless scum did it again and that my parents definitely failed me. But I also felt so helpless and depressed cuz I already, naturally didn't have much hope from my thoughtless parents, based on the whole "family" history.

In the morning, my brother quickly got out of home, and I told my mother that the shit happened again. She got mad and told his father. They had a talk with my brother without me. Then we all gathered for dinner. My parents made my brother apologize to me. He mumbled it's not like he loves me "that way", and he briefly said sorry.

I didn't say a word, didn't do anything to him, didn't demand anything from him, which I painfully regret so, so much now, and possibly forever. I had been way too tired and wrecked for years, I simply wished it would all just end asap. I was still too naive at that time.

This time, my parents didn't make up an excuse to force me to apologize. The new incest SA crime got roughly "wrapped up".

Next day in the morning, I woke up in a bad mood for obvious reasons. My mother was smiling in the kitchen, which already gave me a bad vibe. She asked me why I looked so unhappy, as if there's no reason, as if nothing happened right yesterday. I raised my voice a little and told her how I could be happy when the brother violated my body. She stopped for a while and then said, as if she's "reasoning" with me, that my brother is still her child like I am, and so she, the mother, has no choice but to embrace him "no matter what", even in case he commits a murder. I was utter speechless and just left the scene.

It turned out this time my father was originally going to get my brother out of the house to separate him from me, but my mother objected to it, because it's "too much" and "too harsh" for my brother.

Anyway, I was officially allowed to lock my door when sleeping. The shitty creep has never sneaked into my room at night, perhaps.

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There are a lot of details that are not included above.

There have been many things that happened for years since then.

In recent years, unfortunately,

my brother in his 30s has shown various indirect signs that he regrets not hiding the evidence photo files "better", that he regrets admitting his crime "too soon". He has quietly but certainly developed stronger misogyny, victim mentality, bigotry, and even violence etc. I realized all this and connected the dots only very recently, which makes me feel so stupid and miserable. I'm still in danger, just in different and potentially worse forms.

Both my parents don't see a huge problem from my brother, even after clearly witnessing his aggressive attitudes and threatening words and actions towards me in front of them a few times. They never tried to defend me or stop him at the scene, which still makes me badly scared and disappointed. My mother rather scolded me that I shouldn't "carelessly provoke" my brother, or I might actually get hit physically by him.

Also, from last year, my brother suddenly started to mention, "Since when were you a good girl? You are not good-hearted.", out of context, when he gets offended and verbally attacks me. My parents never denied his words for my sake at the moment or even later, unlike they always do for my bother, who easily sulks and calls himself bad in sarcasm.

Of course, all the incest CSA and SA are "forgotten" in my "family". No one cares that I'm a huge victim woman of multiple sexual crimes when they speak. Meanwhile, my brother is their "kind and reliable" son who listens to the parents well and gives them a drive to a hospital or whatever help when needed. I'm often just a powerless easy target to blame and put down. I feel it's all too late, again.

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I deeply regret not taking any legal or effective action against my unashamed brother. I heavily regret not forming or leaving any clear evidence of his sexual crimes on me in any form. I mean, my parents are the only real witnesses, but would they speak up for me? What if both pass away, and my heinous brother insists I make false accusations against him and spread lies to people, and even sues me? I've been so dumb, I might be doomed. Even if it's not the case, I'm not sure if I would be able to protect myself properly, from any harm, to be honest. I sincerely regret not doing my best in the past to actively take care of myself and save my future.

I'm no longer a college student. I'm aware I should get a good job and move out and escape from the terrible jerks asap, at the very least. I wish I already did, as I had always wished. But I keep failing, failing to prepare, failing to rest, failing to manage my everyday life. I've become very dysfunctional on so many levels. It feels like, only my clock is getting slower, and I'm being left behind alone further, as if I'm on the hands of death, like some magnet.

Despite everything in my life, I have never ever physically harmed myself at all, and hopefully I never will. I don't want to die or get killed or wounded anytime soon, much less before my damned older brother does. My death or injury would only benefit the dirty criminal, and I absolutely refuse that. I want to live long and healthy enough to see the ugly scumbag disappear from this world, as a proud adult survivor.

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This became like 3 times longer than I first thought asdfghjkl Some parts may sound whiny and childish haha I'd like to avoid changing anything big after I publish this post, but I might if necessary ^^;

Thank you very much for kindly, patiently reading my unhappy experiences and complicated thoughts! I hope you have a peaceful day/night!!

[humblefryingpan]

So earlier I was going to go for a little walk around the park near my house but my mum freaked out bc I've never done that by myself (I've been to another fucking continent without her) so she got me to go meet my friend that's nearby. Which is fine, I like them & we had fun. But omfgg getting home was an event.

I took keys with me but they were just some spares and they wouldn't work when I got there so I was knocking for at least 30 minutes (I got home half an hour before I had to be) and no one was home. My phone had died before I got home so I was just fucking waiting. It was getting dark and I was getting a bit freaked out so I walked to my nans house (less than 20 minutes away)

So I was walking by myself in the dark without my phone and when I got there no one was home so I immediately started crying. A few minutes later my grandparents got there and surprise surprise I started crying again (for the 4th time). They called my mum but they were freaked out and gave her probably the most concerning information ever

Like literally "we've got __ but she's crying her eyes out!! Something's gone wrong but she's too panicked to tell us!!" While I was actively trying to tell them. So mum insisted I got on the phone and just kept talking over me when I tried to tell her I was fine. Bc like nothing happened I was just freaked out a bit.

So while we waited I calmed down and explained everything again bc they weren't listening, I got a mini lecture ab charging my phone (it was fine when I left) and they were talking to me like someone had fucking died, I literally just had to walk 20 minutes. And I saw my nan cry a little for the first time, that was horrifying

So my mum got there and I explained everything AGAIN. She then rambled on ab all the things that could've gone better (charging my phone, taking other keys, finding somewhere to go in-between home and nan's) because she was also freaked out. And apparently loads of ppl were looking for me?? She called my aunt who lives rlly far away

How tf would I have got there by myself, I don't know how to get to the train station?? To get to her house I would've had to somehow walk to the train station (it's at least half an hour away) get a train ticket, get a 20+ minute train, walk through a motorway and get through all the houses that look the same to find her house that I wouldn't recognize if shown a photo. But alas, that's off topic

I'm not blaming her but like you could've just checked home. I was there for fucking ages. And then I went the route we always go to get there (multiple times a week). And I'm kinda annoyed bc she keeps going "you're still not okay" and getting mad at me when I say I'm fine bc she doesn't believe me. Like "your eyes are puffy, your nose is red!!" Because I was crying shut uppp. And she's so right to be scared but she's making it into a huge deal and she's being so insane with going through safety precautions I already know over and over again

Like I feel like she thinks I was being irresponsible but like I really wasn't. I took a key, I took my phone, my phone was charged, i know where everything is around my house, I took my money. Shit went wrong but that wasn't my fault. I didn't know she was going out bc she didn't tell me (she only texted to say where she was like 40 minutes before I had to be home and even if my phone wasn't dead she went on whatsapp and I didn't have internet)

And I'm kinda annoyed at her bc like. I did everything I was supposed to do. I did everything she said and when that went wrong I went to the closest people that I knew and trusted (partially bc I thought they had a key) which is what I assumed I should've done. I've always been told to go to them if something went wrong, the places she said I could've gone would've been stupid bc they were people I barely knew. She's acting like I've been out for hours but literally by the time I gave up and went to my nan's it was barely 15 minutes past the time she said I needed to be home.

[reasonsmandy]

TRACK 3

Mystical Time

The sun was setting and you were still looking at the note this person had left you, whoever this drink was, they were right, it was extraordinary. You once again survey your surroundings for the secret admirer and your eyes only find a boat a few steps away from you, grabbing your things and quickly putting them in your bag you make your way to the floating object in the dark waters.

You make your way to the boat door, knocking a few times hoping to be answered by someone who could offer some explanation.

"May I help you miss?" A tall man opens the door, you get a little scared but try to focus on what brought you there.

"Yeah actually, I got this letter... I was wondering if you knew who could have given it to me." You hand the paper to the man who collects it in his calloused hands, staring at the letters, not happy.

"Did my employee give you this during his work?" You are taken by surprise by the question, he observes the glass in your hand and you notice that he recognizes the object "That's mine." He roughly takes the glass from your hand. "The guy that gave you this is someone extremely irresponsible who will be fired in the morning! Have a good night miss." He threatens to close the door.

"Hey wait, I don't want anyone to get in trouble because of me."

"I never liked him anyway, Rojas... what a dumb fucking name" He seems mad and you feel really uncomfortable.

Before the man could discard the note, your hand shot out, snatching it back with determination, your eyes darted to the initials engraved on the back – W.R. – a subtle detail that sparked a flicker of recognition within you.

"I'm sorry, but can I keep this?" You asked, your voice trembling slightly with nerves.

The man regarded you with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion, but he shrugged nonchalantly. "Suit yourself," he muttered, turning to leave.

You watched him go, your mind racing with questions and possibilities. You tucked the note safely into your bag, a newfound sense of purpose driving you forward. You didn't know who W.R. was or why he had chosen to reach out to you, but you were extremely sad that you harmed him somehow.

Y/n Rojas L/n: You see, that day haunted me for a while *looks down sadly*

"It's so weird you know." Warren says, looking at his half melted ice cream.

"What?" You felt nervous for some reason, waiting for his response.

"This feeling of deja vu every time I look at you" He chuckles, and you find it very adorable.

You laugh nervously, trying to play it cool. "Maybe we knew each other in a past life or something," you joke, hoping to lighten the mood.

Y/n Rojas L/n: I thought to myself "how long can I take this?". In my defense I thought it'd be funny to reveal we actually had met before. *blushes*

"You know, what's your full name again? Maybe we do know each other." You go on with your playful tone.

"Warren Rojas" As soon as you hear it, your body freezes, you swallow hard, trying to hide your surprise.

W.R

"Rojas, what a dumb fucking name..."

Y/n Rojas L/n: I panicked, I mean... What were the odds? I made the guy lose his job, I felt terrible!

Warren Rojas: *shrugs looking at his shoes*

Interviewer: So you decided to lie about knowing him?

Y/n Rojas L/n: It wasn't my first decision, my plan was to see if he was indeed the guy from the note and then well... Things got a little more complicated.

Warren Rojas: When we came back they had already recorded the song, we talked for a while and left when it was all done.

Y/n Rojas L/n: You see, when coincidences happen so many times we don't expect another one to happen. I didn't clarify anything because I was sure I wouldn't see him again other than at some record company events. But in the end, that wasn't what Daisy had in mind.

Daisy Jones: In August 1977 we became Daisy Jones and The Six *says proudly* I just had to find a way to explain to Y/n that I had other plans...

Interviewer: And how did that go?

Daisy Jones: Well...

"What do you mean you're gonna join them?" Your arms crossed over your chest so stiff it hurt a little.

"They are great and we work well together!" Daisy says with her hands on her hips.

"I thought we worked together too." You try to hide the way you're hurt with this whole situation.

"We do but— Look Y/n, you can still write with us." She holds your hands and you avoid her eyes.

"I tried so hard for this, I thought...” You try to stop yourself from crying. "Do you really think Billy will let both of us in?"

Daisy stays silent, you shake your head.

Y/n Rojas L/n: Well, I was right. Billy hated the idea and I lost my partner in crime, it'd be a shitty day If it wasn't for *opens a small smile*

"I said no Daisy!" Billy almost shouts, your body shivers as you feel embarrassed with the situation.

The rest of the band hadn't arrived yet, it was just you, Daisy, Billy and Teddy having a discussion about how things would go from now on. Your eyes were fixed on your lyric notebook as Daisy and Billy argued like a married couple.

"Why do you have to be such a jerk all the time?" You could swear Daisy's eyes were on fire.

"I'm being a jerk? You're the one who just got in the band and wants to choose everything!" He responds with a sneer, rolling his eyes. "We need everyone's opinion before deciding anything"

"Look, I don't want to cause any fight..." Your voice comes out almost in a whisper.

"Like you let anyone in this band choose anything." Daisy ignores what you say and goes on with the fight.

Billy rolls his eyes and opens his mouth when he's interrupted by a certain drummer.

"Hey, have y'all seen my timbale sticks?" The curly-haired man invades the meeting room. "Oh, important meeting... My bad"

Instead of leaving, he stops and observes those present, smiling when his eyes fall on yours. You give him a small smile and he winks at you, sitting by Teddy's side at the table.

"So, what are you discussing?" He crosses his arms over his bare chest, whether or not his presence lightens any atmosphere.

"Daisy wants to join the band and bring along her whole fucking family." Billy says, rolling his eyes. "No offence." He says at you.

You don't even bother to answer him, looking at your hands all the time.

"I thought we agreed that Daisy would join us." Warren says, clearly confused.

"Yes, but now she wants Y/n to join us as a song writer." The older Dunne looks at Teddy like asking for help.

"And what's the matter?" He still doesn't get it.

Billy scoffs, and Daisy gives Warren an approving smile.

Interviewer: So you joined the band?

Y/n Rojas L/n: Not exactly...

"I had an idea" Warren says, looking directly at Price.

"Warren this is important." Billy disagrees not even listening to him.

"I thought you needed the band's opinion" Daisy says under her breath.

"Will you too please give it a rest?" You say louder than intended. They all look at you.

Warren Rojas: If you think you've seen someone hot? It's because you haven't seen my wife mad *smirks, and slowly realizes* Don't tell you father I said that to you.

"Why don't you work as a ghost writer for the company?" Warren finally makes his suggestion, your eyes light up. "She can help us without being strictly linked to the band, still growing her career."

Y/n Rojas L/n: There is no one more generous than my husband, and now see if you understand me... How could I tell him that I knew him and consequently tell him I made him lose his job, after that?

"Would you be interested in that Y/n?" Teddy says, looking proud at Rojas.

"Of course!" You can't help your excitement.

"So we agree, from now on you will work for us and you guys will officially be Daisy Jones and The Six" Price smiles at all of you, even Billy seems okay with the situation. "Tomorrow I'll bring the paper for everyone to sign, but until then you guys better get to work!"

Daisy and Billy leave the meeting room while discussing how they should go about this change, you still stand there trying to process everything that just happened when you hear Teddy's ringtone and watch you leave you and Warren by yourselves.

"Thank you so much." You turn to Warren, a huge smile on your face. "I really don't know how to thank you..."

"What about joining me for dinner tonight?" He says with hopeful eyes.

Y/n Rojas L/n: He was so adorable that day...

Warren Rojas: You hear that? I'm adorable *grins*

Y/n Rojas L/n: So Warren and I started to see each other, you know, some dates here and there *smiles with the memory* but at the same time we weren't sure of how things actually worked between us. I guess I got overwhelmed by the whole situation I was keeping as a secret, every time we got way too close I pushed him away.

Warren Rojas: If I wasn't sure? Well, I really liked her and even though I saw other women in the meanwhile, things with her were different... I just felt that she didn't want anything with me. *shrugs* Until that night...

"Alright, let's hear for Y/n!" Billy says drawing applause, offering you a small smile. "Y/n here is gonna be helping us with the final touches for the album."

Warren's playful gaze lingers on you, his smile suggestive as he winks in your direction. The air crackles with anticipation as Roundtree steps closer, his hand enveloping yours as he presses a kiss to your knuckles.

Before Roundtree's lips can meet your skin, Rojas intervenes, his grip firm as he pulls his friend back, a hint of possessiveness in his voice. "What do you think you're doing?" Rojas's tone is low, a subtle warning in his words.

Eddie chuckles at the exchange, rolling his eyes at his best friend.

"It's nice having you." Karen says to you, her words offering a sense of welcome and ease in the midst of the charged atmosphere.

"Yeah bella." Rojas puts out his cigarette getting closer to you. He kisses your cheek "So nice." He whispers in your ear.

You feel a shiver down your spine, as you thank them all for having you there.

Y/n Rojas L/n: He was so fucking hot that day *sighs*

"So first we would like you to hear the songs before the mixing and after it." Billy says showing you the way towards the sound table. "Daisy and I are working on the last song we're having a hard time finishing, but you can feel free to write some ideas and give your thoughts."

"I can show her, no worries." Warren grabs your hand, looking into your eyes.

"Of course you can, you dog." Eddie smirks clicking his tongue on the roof of his mouth.

Warren Rojas: Eddie was a pain in the ass that day.

"And what are we supposed to do in the meanwhile?" Graham asks, crossing his arms.

"I guess you guys can have a day off." Daisy says, looking at all of them.

Y/n Rojas L/n: So Eddie was the first to leave, after that Graham gave Karen a ride.

Warren Rojas: Billy and Daisy went to Teddy's house, for some reason they liked to write the songs there. So basically, we had the place to ourselves *smirks*

Y/n Rojas L/n: I tried my best to keep my distance from him, there was something about him that drove me crazy. When everyone left that day I was sure I wouldn't make it that day. *looks at the camera embarrassed*

✧.* 📚 — Hello! So, my first time writing something with more than two parts. I hope you like it because I'm very excited about my ideas. As it is different content, I don't know if I will use the same taglist that I always use. So here's the new one (in case you want to be tagged)

✧.* taglist — @cieopatrasss @neptunes-curse @boredshit-shadow @boouoy @softstarlite @xopearlz @nakedmolerat @coldonexx

[justmybookthots]

Legendborn

Um??????????

I put this book off for so long because a) I heard the next book in the series only comes out in 2025 and I didn't want to be left hanging, and b) I wasn't the biggest fan when I heard there was a (sigh) love triangle in there. And yet here I am, having finished it at long last.

Confession: I was/am in the middle of something like a reading slump. February has not been kind to me with my reads. When the Ann Liang book I was anticipating for months let me down horrifically, ALL the books that followed either fell flat too or were just… middling. I went through book after book feeling empty, and then I told myself: you know what. Legendborn has been on EVERYONE and their mother's radar, and their responses are the same—near unanimous acclaim. It's honestly quite insane.

So I took a gamble. I got the book and started reading it. 

You can TELL. You can just TELL when a book hits right for you, unlike the ones I read before it. I was hooked. Engaged. Totally captivated. I'd read and DNFed another fantasy book just weeks ago, which also utilised King Arthur lore (titled Silver in the Bone), but somehow Legendborn succeeded where that story failed (for me). Maybe I'm just a basic bitch who's a sucker for the typical storyline of a normal girl finding herself entangled with a group of monster slayers and doing tournaments to become one of them. (Is this why… I was instantly enthralled with the Infernal Devices??? Or why I love Demon Slayer—the anime—so much????? I am finding out new things about myself.)

But sure… the beginning isn't anything too different from traditional YA structures. But as you get going, and you continue down the road, you start to see new grounds being tread, and it deviates from anything I've personally read as a teen.

As usual, even though I loved this book, I'm going to do what I almost always do and explore the dichotomy of what I liked and didn't.

Spoilers abound. 

Didn't like:

It was predictable… up to a point (and then I was GOBSMACKED but we'll get to that later). Like, I knew pretty quickly which characters were going to make it to Squires and which weren't. You could just tell from how the author treated certain Pages (the folks trying to be Squires) in a more favourable light. The nice ones win, the not-nice ones don't. I'd have liked more nuance in their characterisation, TBH.

Speaking of which, however, Bree's characterisation at the start was rough. Like, she'd do stupid shit and get in trouble and continue being irresponsible. I wasn't surprised Alice was mad at her, and I don't think that the trouble she faced stemmed solely from her race but rather her irresponsible behaviour (going off-campus when she already knows that's grounds for expulsion and she STILL gets mad when the dean, who decides to let her off, is churlish with her. Seriously?). That said, I am NOT Black, and I can't speak for the quotidian prejudices they face, so take my perception of it with a grain of salt. In any case, Bree changed and this was no longer an issue for me later on.

Nick. And his whole romance with Bree. Like, I really did NOT care. And Nick was pretty much a white boy-damsel in distress the entire story. Every time screen time was devoted to their romance, my eyes would glaze over and I'd start skimming all the kissing and stuff. 

There were a lot of characters. Like, a lot. Too many. My brain was scrambling trying to remember and place everyone in their different roles. And aside from a few (bless William), they didn't have very distinct voices. Greer had, like, ZERO distinctive voice other than being non-binary, which should not be the only thing to define a character. Whitty was… nice, is all? Everyone kinda just melded in my brain, which is probably why none of the character deaths really hit me. 

I'm not a huge fan of Chosen One tropes. But this does play on the trope in a VERY interesting way. 

WHAT I LIKED (!!!!!!!!!!!):

The whole concept of Root and Bloodcraft. I LOVED how the author used magic to convey the colonisation of white men. The idea that Legendborns forcefully TAKE their power, while non-Bloodcraft users only borrow their power, speaks volumes to me. It was such a good way to portray real life.

Also??? The ending twist about Bree????? All along, I was convinced she was secretly the Scion of Lancelot, but I wasn't sure HOW, because all the knights are obviously white. And then the author pulls a fast one on me and she's actually fucking Arthur. The reasoning is so good. I loved how the White Man's own cruelty and their disgusting ownership of Black people led them to this predicament. I think THIS was the part that truly sold me on how terrific and unique this book was.

Characters-wise… William. Like, I adore the fuck out of him. In another world, in an even less conventional book, William would have been the hero for me. He's exactly my type with how calm and confident he was without needing to be overbearing about it. In fact, he was so gentle. (Makes me think of Jem Carstairs, but obviously Jem is THE published blueprint for types like this.)

Sel. Yes, I know I just talked about how I didn't like overbearing characters, and I initially went into this book expecting to hate him, but… :) I thought he was quite justified in his hatred / distrust towards Bree at first, knowing what he knew about how the mesmer and Oaths didn't take. I'll see if my opinion of him changes in the sequel. 

I  really, really liked how for once, King Arthur wasn't depicted as just some hero. He actually seemed almost villainous in this book, especially in the moments when Bree was possessed by him. What happened to her supposedly getting wisdom when she Awakened, though? This man does not sound wise at all. I am intrigued.

I am so glad I read this book. SO GLAD. I was down in the dumps for a bit and finally reading a good fantasy made me feel a thousand times better. I'm a bit nervous reading the sequel because some things often don't live up to their predecessor, so I shall see.

- 28 Feb 2024

[bugbyte]

Starving Artist Conundrums

I need to figure out how to try and expand my income streams, which you would think would be fairly simple as an artist because there (should be) are tons of ways to sell an image, but not necessarily. I'm tired of constantly playing games with SNAP and healthcare couple of months because I have no safety net if these things fail. This month is getting really, really close to losing it all, through no fault of my own, it's just one person who won't answer their phone and keeps "losing" documents. So, somehow, I have to figure out how people do this. For everything I learned in art school, there wasn't a moment of business education, which is wild considering how many of us were like, painters or sculptors. I was neither, but, how. The irresponsibility of it.

I've had to weed out Society6 and Redbubble from my circle of shop sites because of the weird fee structure they both implemented. I don't have the energy to figure all that out. I'm starting to put things on Threadless, which I've had for a while but haven't used much. I've been investigating Inprnt which I've heard mixed things about lately. Teepublic has done good by me for the most part, but since they're part of Redbubble I don't know how long that's going to last.

I would really like to get back into streaming, because I'm theoretically like halfway or better to a Twitch payout, but I need a few things to make a setup that works for my pain situation, namely a long-ass ethernet cable so I can keep up a fast enough connection. I used to have one, but I think it got given away when we moved for bonkers reasons I cannot remember. Anyway, I have one on my wishlist now that should be the right length, I hope: https://throne.com/radiochio

I really need to knuckle down and finish Follower Volume 1, not that it'll save me financially (probably the opposite) but at least there's the hope that I can at least make, like, a little grocery money from it now and again, or pay the phone bill.

All of this is complicated by the fact that my drawing days are limited/unreliable until I can get my pain under control, which is totally at the whim of doctors' referrals ending up in the right places and/or people actually calling me back as they're supposed to. Also on the medicine working, which thus far nothing has. Let me tell you, it is deeply frustrating to go to appointment after appointment and repeat that no, even tripling the normal dose of ibuprofen doesn't touch what I have happening and I don't want to destroy my organs so I just. Don't deal with it anymore. I am begging for help and no one cares or believes me.

Anyway, life's rough when you're physically pretty limited and perpetually broke. At the very least the new meds they gave me don't make me want to sleep all day, instead they just do nothing at all. Is that a win? I'm not sure.

[polillastoryarchive]

Not even five minutes later, Isi had led Wes and both the dogs to Rory's place.

"Wait, Iz, are you sure we shouldn't go to the cops instead?"

She stopped for a second, waving his argument off:

"We can go to the police after. If anyone knows where he is, it'll be her Wes."

Too impatient to knock, Isi just pulled the metal door open.

"Ro-" Her voice died halfway through the name, as the room inside came into focus.

"...saying is it was really fucking irresponsible." Lux was finishing their sentence, sitting across an agitated Rory.

As soon as she caught sight of Isi, Rory's expression changed. While Lux was getting up, trying not to get toppled over by one of the dogs, Rory smirked: "Couldn't go without giving me a proper goodbye, eh? I was actually on my way to the motel myself."

"We're not leaving yet, Jak went down to your godforsaken tunnels last night and still hasn't resurfaced."

Isi's tone wasn't leaving any space for more jokes. Wes, on the other hand, was polite: "Sorry to bother you this early, but we thought maybe you could help somehow?"

Rory and Lux frowned and shared a strange look, yet neither of them said anything. Isi's stance had shifted to defensive and her eyes murderous by the time Rory finally got up from her chair, nodding in her direction while dialling a number on her phone.

After a quick phonecall with her voice kept as low as possible, Rory turned to Isi and Wes:

"Come on, I'll walk you back to your motel."

"What? No you won't!"

"Iz'..." Wes put a hand out to try and calm her down. "She might be right, we need to alert the authorities now."

"You know as well as I do they won't do anything until too long has passed."

Isi didn't know if she was speaking to Wes or Rory, or both. But something inside was telling her they didn't have time to wait 48 hours, which is what the police would ask them to do.

Rory closed the distance between them in a few steps, her eyes catching Isidora's before she could look away.

"Hey, angel, listen: I'm going to put literally everyone I can on his scent. I promise you I'll do whatever I can to find him. Alright?"

"Mmmh..."

"Now come on..."

Wes gathered the dogs, who had been hyper since they had gotten out of Jak's bedroom but were even worse behaved inside Rory and Lou's house, smelling everything, barking and howling every two minutes.

"And we'll walk these two on the way back, they need it."

[recordstellar-official]

A Sword Through The Fog

Scene 3: The Father Principle & Guardian Spirit

"A muffin and two chili dogs please!"

Daniel stood in front of Adrubbahk's forge and grill, the one restaurant that used the smelter as its kitchen. It wasn't sanitary, and most who ate there got sick, but curiously, the human was surprisingly immune.

The forgemaster eyed him suspiciously as he served the dogs on a lead tray. Daniel wasted no time devouring the chili dogs and mopping the leftover chili with the muffin. He burped in satisfaction as he walked out.

Juhn stood in front of the forge's exterior, arms crossed.

"Oh you don't look too happy," his father replied.

"Oh, I don't? Where is your scry-board, father!?"

"I gave it away."

"Gave it away?!" Juhn's eyes widened in disbelief.

"What? You're here in front of me. So it couldn't have been that inconvenient. By the way, how's Raina?"

"Don't try to change the subject! How could you be so irresponsible!"

Daniel blinked in disbelief.

Juhn's ex needed it more, but Juhn didn't know so that could be forgiven.

He shrugged before answering.

"Well, I asked Dulni for a favor and she needed it for that since they confiscated hers when she arrived in Feygard."

Juhn composed himself at the mention of his ex's name. His eyebrow arched as he tried to think up the reasons his father considered her a good candidate.

"She's far better at relic hunting than you give her credit for," Daniel said as if reading his son's mind.

"It's not that. I've never known you to reject an offer from the LHS," Juhn replied.

Daniel stuck his hand through the astral projection. Juhn's mouth widened in astonishment.

"What? I just wanted to see how you got here. What device are you using this time?"

Juhn's eyebrows furrowed.

"It's ritual magic combined with an artifact. I'm outside my study right now in one of the custodial closets."

"Cool. Can I have one?"

"No. I'm sure you'd just give it away," Juhn replied.

"Oh," Daniel's mood dropped as the word escaped his lips.

"So why'd you reject the assignment?"

"Oh because I read Raina's book. It's no wonder she's having nightmares. Ancient Kaihuatan artifacts tend to have that effect."

"And?"

"Well I sent her to you. Because you'd be better help than me. You're more experienced with curses - you get that from your mom. I just play with artifacts."

"Wait, a curse?"

"Oh yeah, that's why I can't go after the relic. I've got to get the curse off of me. I hope you didn't read the book. You read the book, didn't you? You get that from me."

Daniel's wide grin somehow made him punchable. It was one of the rare times Juhn understood what it felt like to want to lay someone out for their smugness. He let the urge die.

"What exactly is this curse?" he asked.

"Just fateful premonitions. How're you feeling?"

Juhn staggered back. Fire consumed the forge behind his father.

"You see the the taco bar, grill and forge on fire too," Daniel stated.

"How exactly are you going to remove the curse?"

"My brother," Daniel replied. "He's got something I can use. But it only works once and I'm sure it wouldn't work on your friend. It might work on you though, but I doubt your mother would approve."

Juhn felt the gravity of that last statement hit him. The possibility that Kadya would encourage him to carry that burden. It was so believable it hurt.

"So uncle Caros has something that can cure you?"

"Yes, it'll hurt though. He'll have to stab me a few times with it. I am not looking forward to it, but these visions are distracting. Oh, hello giant Arnd'thuul crushing the mayor's office. I know you're not real."

Juhn stood terrified as he saw a long, lanky shadow-being strolling nonchalantly among the wanton destruction being wreaked. In an instant the beast, fires, and horror were gone. He took a deep breath. This was what Raina was seeing. By Ora Da, it was no wonder why she was distressed.

"You don't have access to any mages who could help with this?! You work at a college full of them!"

Daniel's voice took on a more serious tone.

"Juhn. That book chose her. And the only reason it's affecting us is because we're also linked to her past. Maybe in ways that are better not known, but still. I saw things. Things I can't tell you about yet, but I promise, after I work things out with my twin, I'll share. Get some chamomile and mix it with ginger. Ginger is known to combat nightmares. And take some for yourself. You'll need it. Oh and I'm supposed to console you or something. But you already know everything is exactly as it needs to be."

Juhn's eyes narrowed in dissatisfaction, but he knew his father was right. Ora Laho damn it, he was right.

Juhn popped back awake in the janitor's closet next door to his office. A hand was on his mouth.

"Don't make a sound. You wouldn't want to worry your girlfriend."

Dorathi. Tonight might as well have been a family reunion.

At this rate, I might as well get everyone in the family in here,Juhn thought to himself.

"Sorry for the pseudo-reunion, but I really needed to get to you."

Juhn's eyes narrowed in annoyance as his cousin dropped her hand from his face.

"Why are you here?"

"I was assigned to assist you with the nightmares you and your crush will be having," Dorathi replied.

"She's not my crush!" Juhn whispered.

"Whatever. Anyways, you're going to need this."

Dorathi handed Juhn a sack.

"This is bird seed! Why would I need bird seed!?"

Today was only getting more confusing. Juhn barged out of the closet and walked back into the room.

"Sorry, reaching father required more.. eccentric methods this time. Why don't we head to my place? I can cook you something there."

"It's ok, I'm done with dinner," she replied.

Raina stood and collected her things. The two walked downstairs to the dining area and informed the advisor and his wife that they'd be leaving. Juhn encouraged Lialka to stay and entertain the guests - she at least owed him that- - and got into his auto-carriage.

The drive was quiet; Juhn was too busy trying to ignore the altered landscape before him. As they journeyed through the winding road, Juhn couldn't help but reflect upon the events of the past week. He pondered the choices he had made and the consequences they had brought upon him. The weight of his decisions felt heavier with each passing mile. The silence between them grew denser, suffocating the air in the carriage. Raina glanced at Juhn, a hint of concern in her eyes, but said nothing. The world outside seemed to mirror the unease within their hearts. The once vibrant scenery that used to bring them joy now appeared dull and lifeless. The trees stood like silent sentinels, their branches drooping with an air of melancholy. Juhn's mind was filled with thoughts of what could have been, regrets and what-ifs swirling around him. He desperately sought solace in the distraction of driving, but found none. The stark reality of their situation was unavoidable, no matter how hard they tried to ignore it; Raina was going through her resonance, a form of elven puberty, far earlier than her kind usually did. And it was far more potent than anything Juhn or any of his elven cousins had experienced. And all from a book. This was big, and the enormity seemed to permeate everything, including the twisted landscape.

The auto-carriage continued its steady pace, its wheels turning on the path carved by their choices. Juhn felt as though he was on a never-ending journey, trapped within the confines of his own mistakes. The weight of responsibility settled heavily upon his shoulders, a constant reminder of the path he had chosen. Raina's presence provided a faint glimmer of hope amidst the darkness that consumed him. Her unwavering support and understanding gave him strength to face the uncertain future that lay ahead. With each passing moment, Juhn's determination grew stronger. He vowed to make amends, to find a way to mend what had been broken. The road stretched out before them, a symbol of the path yet to be traveled. And as they ventured further into the unknown, Juhn knew that the journey would be arduous, but he also knew that he would not face it alone. Together, they would navigate the twists and turns of fate, and emerge stronger on the other side.

[authorraville]

Hey, authorraville here. I know I made an update about my schedule being tight and all but somehow I feel guilty for not posting anything so I decided to continue some doodle on my notes.

Notes For you: this is not finish yet, I don't have any idea on how to continuing this.

I'd be editing this later since I'm not really in a good state. So I apologize if there's some errors.

Mirror of negativity.

It was just a simple fight that start with an opinion. How did everything shattered in just a few seconds?

Lucifer scoffs at the second born, gazing into his deep blue eyes, who's somehow not afraid to look straight into his crimson red eyes. " Take back your words Lucifer. " As he slam down the table.

" Do you seriously think your threat will work on me ? " he huffs as he gather all the documents that fall during the slammed. Aren't he the one who supposed to be mad? The one who caused the trouble is mammon not him so what gives him the right to be mad?

" And make sure to watch your manners mammon. " mammon gritted his teeth and walk out of Lucifer's room. The older can't help but sigh, mammon can be childish. Utterly useless, and irresponsibles. If only his little brother of his change his attitude and act like his age once, maybe his life would be easier.

He sat down and think of the argument all over again, maybe he really did went to far this time. He sighed and continue signing all the documents that was left untouched.

Meanwhile mammon on the other side, locking his room to have some time alone was enough to comfort him, himself. He does not expect Lucifer to come and comfort him like he used to . But sometimes a little comfort would be nice.

While he drop himself on his bed, a strike of pain sting his back. He can't help but kneel down on the cold floor. When did this happened? Did the scars opened again? He sigh as he get the medicine and Bandages to treat himself, though it seems kinda impossible at the moment.

He can't help but feel worsen. Does life hates him or what? Why does everything's going downhill today? Not only does the witches made him done some errands, he also fought with his brothers, now he fought with Lucifer and the scars on his back opened themselves.

He let out a soft sigh as he stare at his reflection on the mirror. he picked out a blue marker and start writing down a positive words to cheer himself up. He try to gives out his best smile but keep ended up with his usual vacant face.

The mirror was filled with a lot of positive words that even he himself never heard someone says it to him over centuries.

" you're worthy " " it's not your fault " " you deserved to live " and such. He look at them as he wonder, when did everything changed? When did they become so distant? Maybe it is his fault that his family was broken. if he wasn't stupid maybe he can be a brother that can be proud of. Maybe If he learn some self control everyone would be nice to him. Maybe Lucifer would be proud of him?

He take a piece of clothing who appear to be unneeded and wipe down all the positive words that was written a while ago. He take out his red marker and start writing again. This time he hid the mirror below his bed and go straight to his bathroom leaving his empty room behind.

when the morning arrives everyone expected the second born to be wild or complaining like any other day. Good morning was wished by each brothers yet they can't seem to find the second born making his appearance.

A small voice could be heard from the second born room who was opened a second after. They were about to be mad because of his late appearance but quiet down after hearing another voice coming from his phone.

When Beelzebub was about to ask for mammon's food, mammon was already pushing his plate to Beelzebub and gives him a soft gentle smile. He quickly excuse himself out of the house while calling the unknown guy. He was left speechless but still eat the food that was given by the second born.

Lucifer was pissed, he knows that they fought the other night but does he really need to skip his breakfast? What if he get stomachaches ?! he sigh as he tells the other to start eating their breakfast.

They expected to be greet by their older brother at rad atleast but to their surprised the second born was no where to be seen. They was slowly getting pissed because couldn't he atleast say something to them during breakfast?!

The day started normal but when dinner come the second born seems busier than ever. He couldn't even eat dinner with them now. Yet he always shows them his soft unusual smile so they couldn't do anything about it. Whenever they sees that freaky smile a pang of guilt suddenly hit them which was never happened in their lifetime.

They thought it will end after one or two days yet it has been 3 weeks since mammon eat together, on the same table, as them. Not just that, he also out all of the time, whenever he came home they were all probably asleep or busy. Shouldn't he be spending time with his brothers even for a bit? How busy can his work be anyways.

They all would still be patient until they can't. They waited for the second born to come home, no matter how late it is. Except for belphegor who was sleeping soundlessly and keep waking up every hour just to check on the situation.

The front door was opened and closed and they could see the second born looking at them surprised.

" What's up ? " That words blow Satan's wrath.

" What's up ?! You've been avoiding us for 3 weeks and not even bother to eat with us ! Not just that you also avoid sitting on the usual spot in the class which is beside me ! "

It's still a great thing that he didn't turn into his demon form or the front room would be destroyed by his wrath.

" Yeah not just that you've been avoiding us all day in rad and not even bother to approach us when you saw us !! " If anything Asmodeus would want to say some more but he also knew that his other brothers had something to say as well.

" Yeah and I also haven't seen you eating anything for days now..and I'm not surprised if you haven't gotten any sleep either. " It would be a lie to say that they don't care about mammon. They're worried and concerned about their brother well being as well as others.

The two oldest brothers stayed quiet watching the second born watching them ranting their feelings out. Mammon let out a soft sigh and smile. Again, with that unusual smile who always comforted them during hard time.

" Haha I'm sorry I was busy. " Mammon tries so hard to not meet any of his brother gaze. If anything he would be glad if he can be staring at the floor all day.

" Is that all you gotta say ? " It was unusual to see his favorite brother in this state, he could see something is wrong. Yet he couldn't bring himself to speak it up.

Mammon tense up after hearing Lucifer voice. " I'm..sorry. " he said finally looking at them. The apologize sounds so sincere that they can't bring themselves to speak. " I should've approach you first. I'm sorry. " He said as he tries his best to stay calm.

" It won't happen again, I'm sorry. " The sorry's was too much. They know the second born also has pride in himself so what made this cocky man become like this? When things get quiet, mammon finally excuses himself to his room.

" Damn I never thought I'd really be receiving a sorry from him.." the third born finally breaking the silence. " I was surprised too. " It was unusual for sure. They all finally wondered, what happened during those weeks when he was not with them?

Something must've happened to make him like this and they going to find out no matter what.

When the morning comes again they could finally see mammon on the table, eating his food like usual. What's unusual is that he's too quiet. Literally too quiet. They all try to have an interesting conversation that the second born maybe would like but none of them seemed to impressed him. The only thing he does is that look at them with his vacant look. Not to mention the oldest also was very quiet, although he was always quiet this time he seemed stressed? Is that how we can put it?

When they arrived at rad, mammon waves them goodbye as he head to his own class leaving his younger brothers behind. As they was about to go to their class, they was pulled aside by Simeon.

" What the heck Simeon-! " Simeon apologize for the surprised appearance but he was also in a hurry so all he could give them was a piece of paper.

" What ? " And just like that Simeon walked away. " What in the hell just happened. " Satan was too flabbergasted by the random event that just happened. " Hey shouldn't we open that paper " Beelzebub can't help but being curious about the information on the paper. As Satan open the paper he could see an address that was written by the angel.

" Hey should we ditch class for this ? It seems fun. " For the first time they see the avatar of sloth making a step to be productive. " But you need to carry me though. " Nevermind.

After taking some time, they decided to go after they're done with their class to avoid Lucifer temper. And when they finally done with rad, they headed to the address location. All they could see is a bungalow that seemed to be owned by someone.

" Why did he gave us this ? " Asmodeus sigh as he was about to go back and was dragged back by Satan. " Maybe this could give us some hint to something ! " There it goes his detective mode on.

" Yeah I'd say we break in. " Belphegor and Satan look at each other as they smirked. " Yeah let's do that. " As they was about to break in they were interrupt by someone. " No trespassing would be highly against the law. " To their surprised they saw Lucifer walking towards them followed by leviathan who seemed to be dragged out by the oldest.

" Why are YOU here "

" same as you, Simeon gave me this as well."

" Without explanations? "

" Without explanations. "

" I see. "

" Exactly. "

The short conversation ended within a second. " But the difference is that I have the key. " they were all curious about this mysterious house that Simeon had to give this personally to them without any explanations at that.

Lucifer unlock the front door as they enter the bungalow. as they enter it they could smell something familiar. Something that only their brother would used. Mammon's perfume.

" Wait does that means this is mammon's house? " Leviathan was completely stunned by the smell itself rather than the fact that it is mammon's house. The smell is mixed with something. They could smell it.

" Hey what's with all these bandages? " So the other smell is blood. Wait blood? Isn't this mammon's house? they were ready to go on full panic mode if they saw something they shouldn't.

They were lead on a room that full of mirror. On the left side they could see words written by a blue pen marker on it and on the other side they could see something they wished they didn't.

They wandered around the room reading each words that was written on the mirrors. While leviathan and Asmodeus reading the positive part the others decide to read the other part.

" hey.. you should see this.. " it was unusual for Satan to sound vulnerable yet here he is sounds so weak and was shocked by the second born thoughts.

" Today 22/7 Satan lash his wrath at me woah his wrath was really no joke, it even leaves some scratch behind my back. " Satan flinched after seeing himself being mentioned on one of these thoughts. " Today, 23/7 I kinda start to feel lonely, why does they start to separate themselves or even distancing themselves from their own family? Man I wish I could go back time just to feel that feeling again haha. "

they could feel their heart throbbing. It's true that they started to separate themselves from each, like Asmodeus with Satan. The twin was like usual, they just keep things between themselves. While leviathan and Lucifer choose to be alone. They never realized it themselves until mammon burst at them that day.

" today, 24/7 I fought with Lucifer. It wasn't supposed to be that serious. Maybe. I don't know, what am I supposed to do? Should I apologize? I probably should. But would he forgives me? Nah he probably wouldn't, why would he bat an eye on me anyways. I should really start living quietly this time. " They started to see the root of mammon sudden changes.

" Today 25/7 the scars that I got from the past started to opened while I was working. I had to take a day off because of it. How frustrating, why am I so useless at this. "

" why does he keep degrading himself.." Asmodeus would love to erase all these thoughts that mammon seems to hide from them.

" hey..what the hell happened- "

" Today 27/7 my body started to weakened I don't know why..it's probably because I'm weak. I don't know, how can I stop being useless when I'm this weak. I hate this so much I swear. "

" his body started to what?.." leviathan can't believe on what he just read. How can someone as strong as mammon get weakened? isn't he supposed to be fine?

Lucifer was shocked, he knew he had a bad feelings ever since they fought. They haven't even talk ever since and now he felt a wave of guilt slap him over with.

" Today 28/7 They seemed to be upset about something..I don't know, maybe if I apologize they'll forgive me. but they doesn't seem to happy after I apologize though maybe I'm in the wrong this time. "

They can't believe, honestly they can't believe that mammon out of all people is having these thoughts. Why does it full of negatives rather than positive. Out of them, he was the most positive. Yet they just discovered another secret that he kept under the cover.

" how can he even think it's his fault..he was not supposed to be thinking like this. " Asmodeus turn his head to the right not wanting to read more just to see another different thoughts.

" maybe I should really kill myself. I've heard enough saying how everyone wanted me to go yet why am I here? What am I supposed to do here? I'm sorry. "

Stop. stop thinking about this, I beg you mammon. Asmodeus can't help but kneel down on the floor ashamed to even look at himself on the mirror. For the first time he felt ashamed of himself. He shouldn't have said that. He should've never thought of that in the first place.

" today I spent time with myself again. It was lovely to see the rain falls. I discovered a pretty empty place who seemed to be abandoned by people. But it was pretty, I wish when I die I can die in a beautiful place like this. "

He hold his chest as his heart started to sting. What makes his lovely baby brother to be thinking like this? Is it him? Is it his fault? He's sorry. For the first time, the only thing he wanted to do when he meet mammon is to assure him that all he ever wanted is for him to be there. Atleast be there for them.

" hey I found a beautiful beach again by myself, oh I hope I could go to this place with them. but I can't be greedy can I? Im sorry for being such a bad brother. I'm sorry I'm so sorry. "

Beelzebub tries to erase the thoughts yet nothing fall off. Why doesn't it go away? All he could wish is for his family to be happy yet why doesn't he noticed when his family started to fall apart? Then he remembered the time where mammon wanted to hanging out with him but he gave him an excuse saying that he have plans with belphegor. Now he started to regret it. Why? Why did he do that? The one who supposed to be the bad one is him not mammon.

" I saw some shooting stars in human realm today! It's beautiful haha. It reminds me when the twin used to like watching these. Especially belphegor. How adorable were that moment was. I wondered if he still like it till now..even if I bring him here surely he would say I'm wasting my time here. Haha. "

The answer is yes, he love stars, any kind so mammon take him there. He doesn't care anymore all he ever wanted is that warm embrace mammon gave him when they were still an angel. He doesn't realized how much of mammon affection that he have pushed away all these time.

" I wish Levi would loosen up a little when he was with me.. I guess it's my fault for not paying his money back.. geez just how bad I am to realize this now. I should probably pay my debt now and stop being such a hassle to everyone and be probably will be happier too."

Without realizing it, a single tear dropped from his eyes. He does know that words hurt, words kill yet why couldn't he stop himself from cursing towards mammon out of people? He feels guilty yes? who wouldn't be to be honest. From this moment he'd swear if anything happens to mammon he will take the blame.

As they all feel guilty of their own action, they take a step out of mammon's property. He probably wouldn't like them sneaking around his own very nest, he probably will hate them if he knew it.

They went home around 9-10 pm or so and saw mammon on the sofa, sleeping peacefully. Did he perhaps waited for them to come back? A tear drop from Asmodeus face as he gently brush himself on mammon's arm. If anything he'd want to be comforted by him the most but he also doesn't want to see mammon's awake from his dreams.

" We should move him to bed. " The eldest finally spoke as he gently lift mammon's up to move him from bed. To his surprised he saw a tears fall down from his beloved baby brother cheek. He gently wipes them as he wishes him goodnight. He wished he'd done this sooner instead of always waking him up to punish him or leave him there just because he has any other things that's more ' important '.

After he closes the door, the one who were sleeping slowly opened his eyes with a disbelief huff coming out from his mouth. What the hell just happened? Everything was fine yesterday, not to mention he have been away from them intentionally avoiding them to make himself blend with the background. Do why are they suddenly being like this? Did he do something wrong?

[billysgirllol]

does this boy really think love is something to be claimed as temporary? "you better be careful who you're loving for one night. you never know who might get attached to you and then it'll break their hearts if you go viewin' it like that." he didn't sound serious about how to handle love and lust...but only less serious as confusing her like no other the way he worded his next words. "oh, you had to leave her behind? so you did have love feelings for her?" that's the way he sounded like he was implying it. but didn't he say it was JUST one night of fun? now her brows started to crease in frustration. "there's a lie somewhere."

lucy gray wondered if he was trying to mess with her head, because she had his– for a JOKE. well, it sure was a lousy attempt when they were in the middle of this conversation. or maybe he was just genuinely trying to lie his way out of it which made her annoyed on the inside. "oh, so flossy sue has a name now. alice." lucy gray hummed, not sure it was a name she liked. "my logic... has nothin' to do with that. cause it was just a crush.... it wasn't sexual." swallowing the word, wishing it didn't make her feel embarrassed saying it for some reason. "why would you think that? he won't do that... i wouldn't let him anyway." her brows furrowed again, it put new worries into her head she admitted.

"daisy jade... you came up with that too quick. that's probably already your other you're just hidin' from me." lucy gray grumbled, "there's a lot wrong. i won't waste all day explainin' that one for you, you can figure that one out in timeout." bambi eyes rolled, voice thick in sass. "i already explained why." all leading back to god and saving sharing your body with someone special, "but you got so much crud in your ears i must've missed getting out during your bath, you didn't hear a word of it." she was tired of talking when he wasn't understanding any of it, she wasn't talkin' for her health.

but this... this was interesting. he was stammering, speaking spanish and pulling at his shirt. why would it provoke such a reaction? if there wasn't something behind it. "hmm," another contemplative hum as she eyes him over while he's in her cabinets, "you don't even know my favorite season and you'd go get crazy with me right now?" she was perplexed, blushing to death and looking like a deer with her shocked big doe eyes in disbelief at this boy while somehow still managing to look at him. "and what're you goin' to do if i was like alice? but in a few weeks or so... i turned up with a baby in my stomach. hm, what then. i'm carrying some strange man's baby who doesn't even know my favorite season or anything what i'm like. well–– besides what's in my skirt zone." that was just too insane and irresponsible, he lived like that. his spanish friend's story would be a lot cuter if the forethought wasn't burning inside her mind. "but okie dokie, mr pokie," voice lightened up, mischievously smiling; her turn to, "you make sure that bottle is well hidden in the trash can in the kitchen and i'm gonna run off in here now. and no, i won't vanish." she amusingly spoke in remembrance of the last time before spinning around and gliding off to her room.

“and i can’t love someone just for one night? but i can lust after them?” the cowboy lifts an eyebrow, genuinely failing to grasp why love can’t be a temporary thing. it doesn’t make much sense to him, and he no longer has to feign confusion when asking, “so, had i stayed with her, it would have been love? but because i had to leave her behind, it was only lust? it doesn’t make sense.” it does, in a way, but he simply refuses to go down without a fight. he knows whatever he and alice had wasn’t love, but he also enjoys this banter with lucy gray and doesn’t intend to make it an easy win for her. “no, i didn’t. just alice. i — i didn’t really have time for girls,” he answers truthfully, the tips of his ears heating up. is it a good thing that he’s only ever been with one woman? or will she find it amusing and laugh at him? “mhm,” a soft hum escapes him, figuring he can’t argue with that — it does take someone brave to be a coal miner, and he won’t diminish those people’s achievements and hard work just because billy taupe so happens to do the same thing for a living. but at the same time, he fails to find any kind words that he could offer lucy gray in support to her former attraction and so he stays silent for a moment longer, features dropping once more. “according to your logic, does it fall under the love or lust category?” her attraction to billy taupe. “careful, lucy gray, just because he was right about billy taupe doesn’t mean he’s not plotting to marry you off to one of his friends. guess a forty year old man is mature enough.” frowning in disgust, billy doesn’t know what possesses him to utter these words out loud but he’s got good intentions — he’s just trying to warn her before it’s too late.

“alright, we’ll have a daisy jade then or whatever other name sounds good to you. you know, i’ll leave the final say to you. i did, after all, already pick ruby jean and billy junior.” he has to stifle a laugh when her accent becomes more prominent, a dead giveaway of what he’s already suspected — she’s annoyed and flustered, all because of what he’s saying. his eyes light up, twinkling with mischief. “what’s wrong with bein’ a single mother? my ma always said there’s no shame in lovin’ your babies,” he teases, wondering what it takes to earn himself a slap across the face. “how come? what’s respect got to do with desires? we all have needs. how’s suppressing them more noble than acting upon them?” again, there’s no malice or judgment in his voice, he’s simply curious to hear more about her point of view. but that’s about as far as he gets with talking back, forgetting how to form coherent sentences as soon as she brings up the subject of the two of them in this hypothetical universe. his heart lurches into his throat, pounding so hard that he can barely breathe and is sure she can hear it from where she’s standing. 

“i — i… i reckon if you…” he trails off, still scratching the nape of his neck. “umm, if you wanted it to happen? why — why not? if you were attracted to me and me to you, and marriage wasn’t somethin’… i mean?” god, it’s so fuckin’ hot in here. he tugs on the collar of his shirt, peeling the fabric off his skin and flapping it. “uh, clean the rug, lucy gray baird. i’ll go clean the rug,” he mumbles, lingering in the bathroom even when there’s nothing for him to clean just because he doesn’t feel like squeezing past her in the doorway. he opens the cabinet where the brown basket belongs, examining it to avoid having to meet her eyes. “i’m… i —” still very much stuttering, struggling to recover from her words and the ideas they’ve involuntarily planted in his brain, billy just shakes his head, “i picked it up when i was a child. my best friend, carlos, was mexican.” he leaves out the part where he explains how it seems to be a matter of temperament and closeness, how it works a bit like her accent. spanish has always appeared to him as the more intimate one of the two languages, better suited for emotion-heavy situations. and when she makes him forget his mother tongue, his brain instinctively restores to it.

[weebsinstash]

the overturning of Roe v Wade happened and pregnancy felt disgusting and a physical threat to be defeated

I felt that. I an asexual person with zero intention of getting married or having a baby but seeing Roe v Wade, I just... feel the need to have my tubes tied? Which should not even be a thing I consider since I have no plans to have sex. Those radical religious/misogynisitc views that are popping up nowadays just make me feel very disgusted at things that are... Really not horrible. Nothing wrong about being a housewife, or getting pregnant, but the way those incels with a mic talk about women in their podcasts just create very unhealthy relationships between women and "womanhood"/traditionally feminine things.

What's so fucked up is like the exact same people saying shit like "oh these gross LGBTQRSTUV alphabet mafia freaks are trying to groom and molest our kids! How dare they try to say kids need to learn about safe sex and periods and not to send nudes or address sex in any way other than abstinence!" will then turn around say "wow, asexuals? How UNNATURAL. You aren't PROCREATING like GOD INTENDED. You're ALSO somehow grooming our kids" and it's just like. Fuck. Leave people alone about their fucking sexuality and gender presentation.

And then sometimes I try to discuss this with my mom because like we discuss politics a lot and she's, you know, a woman and has raised me and ill seek her perspective as my mom and a woman and an adult, and sometimes she'll just be "oh don't read all that, youre getting upset over trolls, people are just stupid" ok well these stupid people can VOTE and sometimes these stupid people ARE the ones we're voting for!!! Like! I'm so tired of seeing bullshit like Americans saying "haha good on Country XYZ for making it legal to beat those t slurs in public, this is just MODERN WESTERN PROPAGANDA" and I want to scream shit like "India has recognized trans people for over 3000 years you fucking bigoted moron"

Like!!! Ugh!! Should I be furious or sad!!! (Putting the rest under a rm because this gets a little long and I also discuss abortion/miscarriage)

Fucking idiots saying shit like "oh just use birth control there's like 30 kinds" and guess what motherfucker literally the only 100% effective ones involve SURGERY. Even my OWN MOTHER got pregnant on a diaphragm. Fuck you! Fuck you! You think abortions are being used as birth control? I know at least two people who've had them and they can be ABSOLUTELY EXCRUCIATING, I am talking SCREAMING TO STOP THE PROCEDURE KINDS OF PAIN. "Oh women just want to avoid accountability" bitch some of them don't want to DIE, some of them can't raise a disabled child, some of them have diseases and conditions that can't be passed on

I... may have had some risky sex a while back with, minor precautions, ok I'll be the dumb irresponsible slut and say the pull out method was used, and while nothing came of that, obviously, literally my game plan after it happened and post nut clarity hit was "ok well I know if I need an abortion there are people who literally terrorize you outside the clinics so maybe I'll just kill myself". And you know what, I wasn't even intending to do that kind of thing, the unsafe sex, it was just, you know, happened fast and in the heat of the moment, and it happened briefly. Even I, as someone who has never wanted children and FEARED motherhood all my life, made that kind of mistake. And I spent the following three weeks in absolute TERROR waiting for my period, thinking of all the people who would happily force me to carry a child that would no doubt inherit my physical disability, my genetic disorders, and wouldn't be wanted by me or the father (and im not saying that as anything against him we are both very anti kid lol)

It's so upsetting because like, people have different opinions, and in some cases can you really say if an opinion is right or wrong? But so often do I see things that are inhumane, grotesque even. I was reading a story of a woman who was forced to carry a malformed fetus to a full pregnancy where it passed that same day. Here you have a woman who was forced to deliver what was essentially a corpse, the trauma that must have caused her, not just in mind but also in body. 9 months, 9 months of knowing it was being born just to die. And. People were legitimately replying "better that than to be ripped limb from limb inside the womb" that's a specific form of third trimester abortion which wasn't even what she was asking for you fucking idiot. "Better for the baby to know its mother's touch" it literally didn't have a properly formed brain and we don't even know if it could have even SENSED anything besides agony. "I would have wanted to hold my baby before it passed" you would have let a fetus which had abnormalities discovered in the first trimester to fully develop into a child so it could die in horrible pain just for your moral closure?

I read a comment just a few days ago that was legitimately one of the most disgusting things I had ever read and dear God I hope this person was lying but they said "I know a catholic woman who was pregnant and found out her baby would be born terminal and die shortly after birth. She carried it the full pregnancy so she could baptize it" THAT'S ABHORRENT. For you non religious folk, which I am too but I have some secondhand knowledge, the point of baptism is the idea that we are all born into sin and must be like cleansed to be children of God or something like that. And to be blunt I consider this woman an absolute monster and I replied as such.

"She let a newborn baby suffer in agony just so she could dip it in her magic fairy water? And she thinks she's the GOOD GUY?"

It's just. Ugh. I don't even know. I use culture and country as an excuse for religious freedom and sexual and gender expression (ie. Banning trans people from being visible is prejudiced to Indians, Native Americans, Samoans, Judaism, etc) but then people turn around and say "but it's my culture or religion to be homophobic/not allow abortion" and then I just want to say "well you're just an idiot who can't think for themselves then and you need to get with the fucking times :)" like obviously I am not perfect but I believe basic human rights transcends borders and beliefs. Like for example, similar but different, Malaysia is about to literally hang a man just for having a kilo of weed and people are happily saying "don't do the crime if you can't do the time" and its like do you understand it's inherently problematic to just say "their country, their rules" right. Like some places use that as an excuse to keep forms of slavery. Like to circle the argument back around states rights was an argument to try and keep slavery and now states rights is being used as an argument to criminalize abortion?

Like I try not to bring the vibe here down too often but these conversations are important. We as human beings should be helping and protecting each other and I feel a legitimate fear of society approaching some sort of social collapse or civil war. Like even if you're opposed to abortion you should actually still be voting in favor of keeping abortion because, if abortion is outlawed on moral and religious grounds, it will start the ball rolling for banning other medical procedures out of opinion and not fact. You know we already let the insurance companies do that right? Tell people their life savinf treatment isn't covered because they don't deem it medically necessary even though insurance agents arent doctors? Even on my main blog I boosted a post about a person with severe endometriosis who is being denied a hysterectomy because of their weight by the NHS but a private clinic will save them for a price, and meanwhile the endo is impacting organs outside their reproductive system

It's just. God. I'm sorry I guess I went all over the place in this post but everything is so scary now. Transphobia is on the rise, homophobia, racism, gun violence, they keep finding horrible child labor shit like 15 year olds cleaning slaughterhouses, even in my current blue state, red senators are arguing we should let young teens do construction, they're changing legislation on healthcare, on the internet, on student loans, inflation is HUGE NOW, rent is skyrocketing, homelessness is rising, just

It can be hard to keep your head up you know? I try not to be a doom and gloomer but there's legitimately scary shit happening? Like I didn't even touch on climate change and how all of these issues are going to intersect and snowball until our entire species is fucked. I know what I'm voting in 2024 but, it doesn't make anything less terrifying. If we weren't protected before, if we still really aren't now, can we really trust it to happen in the future?

[vole-mon-amour]

"The one who's responsible for it all." You're a fucking idiot. You absolute baboon. You irresponsible fuck. "Oooh, he granted me the mark knowing what I'll do. Let's kill him." YOU decided to kill Jessamine. YOU killed all those people before and after that. YOU accepted the mark when it was offered. YOU and no one else made that decision.

Somehow both Corvo and Emily had the mark, yet I left every single person untouched when I played as them. Canon should have killed you a long time ago, you sick fuck.

God, I hate Daud so much. I only just freed him in DOTO and he's already got my blood boiled. Who fucking thought that was gonna be a good idea? Who thought I'm gonna read "The knife of Dunwall" where it's described that he regrets killing Jessamine and suddenly feel "oh, poor little meow meow, didn't do anything wrong in his life, ever, deserves immediate forgiveness"? He still fought Corvo when Corvo came after him. He didn't regret it even one bit.

"I killed one empress and saved another." You didn't do SHIT. You kidnapped Emily. You left a young girl basically an orphan, signing a contact of her suffering for the upcoming years, that's what you did. Forced to grow up without a mother and her dad (that wasn't officially known as her dad, so he couldn't claim that name) constantly trying to fight back and protect her from those men in power.

Daud can trip over his own sword and choke on his own blood. Even the fact that we find a note addressed to Billie where it says that Daud never stopped killing, even after all the events. Die, asshole, die. You didn't deserve your own game.

(And I know that he dies, but it's not nearly enough. Way too late.)

[catsafarithewriter]

A/N: part 15 of the double fake dating au :D

X

It was only when all eyes turned to her that Haru realised she'd actually said that thought outloud.

"Oh my goodness gracious!" exclaimed Louise AKA Baron's sister AKA Haru's new sister-in-law. "And this must be the infamous Mrs Haru von Gikkingen!"

Haru found herself swept up in am embrace comprised of a surprisingly strong grip and an excessive amount of sleeves. Really. It was a feat in of itself that Louise could somehow locate her own hands.

When Louise drew back, Haru was treated to eyes as blue as Baron's were green. "You may have noticed," she said conspiringly, "but the ladies here are a little outnumbered by the men."

"When you say it like that," said the tortoiseshell, "you make it sound like that was the reason you married me."

Louise glanced back to her wife. "It wasn't the only reason," she teased. "Oh," she added, turning to her brother, "and this is my ex-girlfriend."

"You have to stop introducing me that way," the tortoiseshell chided. She leant forward and offered a paw. "Sephie von Gikkingen. Louise's wife."

Baron took the paw first. "Humbert von Gikkingen. Have we... met before? You seem familiar."

There was a playful glint in Sephie's eyes as she replied, "You'd be surprised how often I hear that."

Haru's mind finally caught up to Louise's earlier wording. "I'm infamous?"

"But of course!" trilled Louise, evidently delighted to be the one to break the news. "My baby brother–"

"You're older than me by ten minutes."

"–turning up with a wife no one knew of until the week before? Scandalous!"

"Says the woman who didn't even deign to tell her own twin brother she was getting married," Baron reminded her.

"Yes, but that's me! You're meant to be the sensible, predictable one. Everyone expects me to do something charmingly rash and irresponsible, but you?" She raised a hand to her heart, the very picture of older sister pride. "It's finally happened. My bad influence has rubbed off on you."

Haru sidled round to Louise's wife, who hadn't lifted a claw to deter the squabbling, and seemed to be only regretting her lack of popcorn.

"Do you have siblings?" Sephie asked.

"No. Just me."

"I'm also an only child," Sephie said. She watched the proceedings with unworried curiosity. Baron had begun recounting the cape incident in some bizarre attempt to prove he could make bad decisions free of his sister's influence. "I rather get the impression this is a sibling thing."

Another handful of moments passed, in which the conversation inexplicably moved onto Louise accusing her brother of trying to upstage her marriage with his dark horse of a wedding.

"I think this might just be a von Gikkingen thing," Haru replied.