#but since im a HUGE kpop fan i brought a little kpop in this

[enn0s]

omggggg!!! bruh my idenITY HAS BEEM REVEALED HASNT IT DAMNNN DAMMN DAAAMN!! you know whats funnie? as I was typing I was like "When will be the day I forget to press anon" I...forgot how different the interface is on here...I am sweating lmaooo

I was not ready for this yet OTLx infinite

*i pretend i do not see* (but hello darlin its nice to meet you for real ♡♡♡) ill copy the old message so we can still talk anon if you're more comfortable with that 😊

im sorry life has been hitting like that lately! i know when it rains it really pours so i hope you've been able to find an umbrella and that you've been finding places to rest enough during this period of go-go-go! i bet once you get settled into a school routine your schedule will hopefully be a bit more manageable.

Linguistics is such a cool field! My partner was going to go into that before life decided that she was gonna be an AC technician lol, she'd still like to get back into it and become an interpreter at some point tho! Languages and their evolution are fascinating, i hope you go and get to enjoy it to the fullest! Fuck everyone else, it's your life and you get to go do what you wanna do.

lmaooo its cool about my partner calling me fucked up and feral, shes not wrong and we were saying it in the context that her and her sister were street dogs and im an alley cat, its why we mesh so well even tho we're all very different people at first glance lol.

I listened to your list and im diggin the vibes!!! WOODZ has been a fav in my house for years im always excited for his new stuff. That first EVNNE song is /it/ tho, i really do like it a lot, their voices don't sound like they're new to the game, they sound really polished for how young they are. Idk whats in the water in Busan but thats where bts jimin and jungkook are from too so it must be somethin special!! That Phantom song brought back SOOO much nostalgia lol it was everywhere for so long and i hadnt listened to it in a hot minute. 2Pac and Limp Bisikit too, still holdin it down after all these years.

whewww this took so long lol top 10 songs /IS/ a hard question to ask! every time i would lock in a list i would come across another song i wanted to add but for the moment i think this is a pretty solid personal soundtrack.

1. Snooze - Agust D (this is Suga from BTS' solo work and it hit me like a fuckin bus the first time i heard it, hes been my guy since their debut and they've gotten so astronomically huge compared to where they started, it kinda gives me whiplash sometimes and ive just stopped interacting with the fandom as a whole besides my little group chats with my friends bc it just got Too Big but despite all that he's still putting out music that touches my soul and aims to comfort the lost and tired and i just... i love him idk)

2. Bleed - Epik High (love these old dudes, my friends call them my kpop dads and this song in particular is a fan song but they've taken bits and pieces from the track and remixed it into new songs over the past few albums which is just a super cool auditory experience for me)

3. Dancing With a Stranger - Sam Smith & Normani

4. Just Pretend - Bad Omens

5. Pensamientos Intrusivos - Kali Uchis

6. Flip Flop - Megan Thee Stallion (its definitely one of her more lowkey beats and a sad ass song but i just. i love her so much and im so proud of her for keepin it pushin)

7. Que Maldicion - Banda MS, Snoop Dogg and Becky G

8. The Sharpest Lives - MCR (i know this album front to back lol)

9. Not Worth It - Emotional Oranges

10. Pied Piper - BTS (sorry for all the infodumping about them but id have to make a whole other list if i got into their discography lol. for the moment this one just jumps out at me as a fav and a vibe)

I hope you enjoy if u get a sec to listen to any of it!

im sending you good vibes goin into your new semester and that your phone stops actin up! its always so frustrating like... u have one job, please work 😭

wishing you good days ahead and time to yourself to recover ♡♡♡

talk to ya next time!

(prev message under the cut for ref ♡)

--

I sliding through wild, rowdy and funky

D. Racc here once again 🦝✨💨

I hope you didn't forget about me because I didn't forget about yoo hoo~ Since our last talk, I have to admit…if God, gods, or some all mighty force exist, they're giving me a run for my mental and physical health this year, but I am alive and unharmed just…life is LIFING right now But! I will be going back to college this year and I am going to study linguistics. I find it funny when people ask what I'm studying and they reply with an underwhelmed response. No worries though, it just gives me the drive to go toward it even more. I have been getting out of the house often and trying to take care of myself, but I will say its hard to keep consistent with constant setbacks. How's things going on your end?

I totally understand not being able to turn a hobby into a career. I admire those who do, but also respect those who keep it as a hobby because doing it for work will definitely dampen motivation in my opinion. TY TY for the recognition, same goes to you too!  because it is VERY hard to actively stay tuned in into hobbies or interests when you're an adult in this day and age. I get you there though loool I hate being told what to do as well even for regular work. At this point I know I need to be my own boss or work under someone sensible which..for some reason, it's rare. But I get you, I started to learn a little late that, even the smallest doodles count as art or even progress. And us as an artist, decides when a piece is done. There's a lot of delusion when it comes to art and as I grew older I realized all these standards are made up! I can art any way I want too! art snobs can eat iiiit~

Awww I'm glad someone who isn't a fan (well YET! hopefully lol) truly recognizes a group or artist's talent when they are actually talented. One of the members, Seung Eon, vocals reminds me of Daehyun's. Saw that he is also from Busan. Them Busan boys got some PIPES! on them. I don't know why it gives off opera potential. Daehyun being in plays just proves it. But man…do I feel your pain. I can't bring myself to support a group when the youngest of the group is like 15. And no offense to those who do…but I have a liiine. Youngest member in EVNNE just turned 18 and the oldest Keita, recently as well, turned 23. This is the only group I stan right now and have been trying to look for more groups 21+. I've seen a couple debuts and took notice of some groups I never got to look into since I dropped the fandom. HOnestly thoough…once again..they are my new B.A.P loool! I don't know how people multitask affection. They are literally the only ones in my EYE VIEW. I do wish them big success on top of healthy, free lives, but I will say I love smaller fandoms. It's much more intimate and less toxic, but I do want the boys to get their moneys worth lool. All that work? Yeah they deserve all the love.

I love K-pop when it comes to the music and culture, however the standards and fan culture honestly turned me off even to this day. It's hard to support the industry with all the twisted shitake mushrooms that go on especially in the background.

ahhhhh! the dreeaded questiiion lool! not in a bad way it's just…so many y'know? and sometimes I forget a song is my favorite until it comes on shuffle again. No specific order, just some off the top of my head.

SUN OR SUCK -WOODZ (fell in love and discovered this man's music late last year I feel like I missed out too, but when he comes out of enlistment!? going to see his first show once he comes overseas, so talented and such a sweet person)

Badder Love -EVNNE

XO -EVNNE

IXLU - BYG (!!! are you prepared for B.A.P's farewell comeback?? they look like classic men, very nostalgic, almost makes me want to draw)

Hole In Your Face -PHANTOM

Do You Wanna Taste It -Wig Wam (Peacemaker put me on)

One Look- Leo

All Eyes On Me -Tupac

Stay With Me - Yoo Young Jae (ft. Zelo) (I don't know why this song always brings a smile to my face. It's one of those songs if serenaded I will combust)

Break Stuff- Limp Biskit

I was fighting so hard to keep it at 10 loool. Sorry it's mainly K-POP, it's really been taking over my radio ;; What about yoou~?

Yeeees as you should've. You already knooow! Tevin Cambell? amazing singer. Stand Out as well…//chef kiss of the divine. Shrek is important to the culture. I know this is somewhat unrelated…but since he's the voice of Shrek, I LOVED Austin Powers. I did not know that man was a constant in my childhood along with Jim Carey. The Mask is amongst my favorite childhood movies.

HAaaaa..I'm sorry but that's so funny. Not him calling you a  jacked up and feral ahhh..that's love right there. Tiger + Stray = I bet fierce and majestic on the outside, but natural, wild and free on the inside..maybe a little crack-headedness but hey! that's their charm haha!

TY x3 for wishes of good quality Zzzs N' Meats! I will do my best! Hope you've been well and stay well.

Until next time! D. Racc City OUT! 🚪🦝✨ _💨💨

P.S. My phone is completely inoperable ;-; on my computer like a old head lool I joke. Nonetheless, we will talk as soon a possible ciao ciao and take care

[sanjiaftersex]

Hey there ❤️ How about Uchiha men forming a rock band? Who do you think would be which musician in it?

idk much about rock bands so let me improvise with how they'd be like in a boyband

sasuke : the leader, center, vocals, is the most popular member, only socials is ig, posts thirst traps and acts unbothered like he didn't just post his whole tiddies on a thursday afternoon and make the whole fandom lose their shit classic Leo

itachi : face of the group, rapper, DILF, poster boy for shy introverts and lives in his unnecessarily expensive mysterious high rise apartment somewhere, has no social media if u wanna interact then send an email to his manager's gmail and pray to god idk

shisui : lead dancer, very fierce on stage, serves cunt every comeback, gets his peaches out in Georgia everytime they're on a world tour, flirts with all the staff members, gets tangled into scandals every 3 business days

naruto : vocals, the sunshine puppy of the group, DERPS cz why tf NAWT, social media fairy, has account in every local and international social media platforms, interacts with fans and does wholesome shit everyday

fugaku : uhh...he the trashcan in the band's practice room

madara : rapper, doesn't give a shit wtf the manager or company says cz he can't be MANAGED, on his thot shit 24/7, doesn't wear shirts or tops cz life is too short to not have ur titties out, is the brand ambassador of some super expensive shampoo, listens to baby shark doo doo while doing bench presses, is still a cunt off stage but with cute cat ears

[katsukisbimbo]

DDAENG

✯ pairing: hawks x reader

✯ genre: FLUFFYYDS!!

✯ summary: fan! hawks meeting his newly debuted idol crush y/n at a fansign!

✯wordcount: 2.1k+

✯warning: just swearing and hawks being thirsty <3

✯ note: this literallt came to me because i was trying to turn @hoodtoshi into a bts stan (lowkey succeeded) and i was jus like yea, thirsty hawks

-ˏ͛⑅　‧̥̥͙‧̥̥ ̥ ̮ ̥ ⊹ ‧̫‧ ⊹ ̥ ̮ ̥ ‧̥̥‧̥̥͙　⑅ˏ͛--ˏ͛⑅　‧̥̥͙‧̥̥ ̥ ̮ ̥ ⊹ ‧̫‧ ⊹ ̥ ̮ ̥ ‧̥̥‧̥̥͙　⑅ˏ͛--ˏ͛⑅　‧̥̥͙‧̥̥

- you were nervous

- this was your first fan meet after all,, but you were still nervous

- you were only 19 and had already debuted!!

- that didn’t happen to just anyone!!

- you worked super hard to get to where you are today!! everyone knew that!!

- you sighed as your make-up artist continued to paint your lips a dark red colour

- you honestly didn’t look like yourself, but this was to keep up the whole idol image i guess

- “jinhee, how many people are outside? i’m sure only two people came to see me..” you pouted, resulting in your make-up artist to smack your cheek lightly

- “dOn’t say that you dummy! i’m sure a lot of people came to see you!” she scolded, wiping off the excess makeup on a towel

- “now get out, you’re done”

- “i don’t wanna”

- she raised a newspaper and flexed, ready to beat the fuck out of you if she heard another whisper of self-deprecation from you

- “fine! i’m going!” you grumbled, pouting at oncoming soreness of your feet from your heels

- why did idols have to wear heels anyway?

- okay no, you knew why, but sTill!! they sucked!

- you smiled as you saw the buffet table

- one little snack wouldn’t hurt

- >:)

- “keigo stop fuckign puSHING”

- “im so EXCITED!! i’m meeting THE y/n you SLUTBAG!!” keigo yelled as he shook his companion

- dabi sometimes questioned why he was still friends with keigo

- “i SEE that you asshole”

- keigo took this opportunity to punch dabi in the arm, causing dabi to retaliate, causing kEigo to retaliate, causing dAb-

- okay so

- “i’ve been in love with her ever since she debuted!! and she debuted ALONE!! a whole solo artist!! the talent!! the beauty!! i’m in love!!”

- dabi raised a brow at his friend

- “didn’t you tweet about wanting to ‘put a baby inside of her’?”

- keigo felt his cheeks heat up at the possibility of you seeing his indecent tweets about you

- what if you had seen? what if you think he’s a creep? what if you already hated him??

- keigo felt his anxiety creep onto his shoulders as he continued to overthink, not realizing that they were already next to go in

- ruh roh raggy

- keigo didn’t know anything BUT anxiety

- rip keigo we’ll miss you big daddy :,(

- “please come in, please don’t shout”

- whO was shouting?? nobody was shouting

- keigo wasn’t gonna shout

- as keigo was about to shout, he felt himself be silenced by his partner

- all keigo could feel was betrayal

- “calm down you hot dog, you’re going to TALK to her in person jfc. you can tell her how much you want to father her children then”

- it was almost time and you were STILL at the food table

- you saw a small intern approach you with an uneasy look on her face

- she was for sure about to reprimand you

- “m-ms. y/n,, we have to go now!” she stuttered

- she was sO! cute you just couldn’t say no

- so you decided to just sneak a few bags of chips under your skirt before smiling and quickly following her

- you made your way to the stage, peeking behind the curtains

- you saw a huge crowd of people, mostly males, but one man who sat near the front caught your eye

- he had bright yellow eyes with matching blond hair, even wearing some eyeliner

- the unknown male looked absolutely delectable

- he made you bark a little tbh

- you took a deep breath before you were pushed by your manager on the stage, cheers suddenly reaching your ears as your fans confessed their love for you

- quit shamelessly might you add

- you blushed as you watched the cute blond-haired man cup his hands around his mouth and yell—

- “I LOVE YOU Y/N! IM YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN!” he yelled, gaining the attention of everyone in the room

- soon everyone started to yell that they were your biggest fan and that the blond man could never even compare

- but the man had nothing but a satisfied smirk plastered on his handsome face

- did he enjoy starting riots?

- you sat on the chair, placing your hands on top of the table

- this was a small table ngl

- luckily there was a sheet on the table, hiding your nervously bouncing legs

- just imagine watching a fancam of you bouncing your leg

- people would still thirst for that

- anyway

- “thank you guys for coming! i’m so excited to meet you all!” you started, smiling at the large number of people

- “you guys can ask me questions or some things? i don’t know?” you laughed, feeling slightly awkward

- you didn’t know how to be a person

- “can you do a dance for us!!” a young boy, about the age of 7 yelled, jumping up and down in front of his seat

- “what dance?” you queried, raising your brow in curiosity

- “move by taemin!!” he cheered, immediately dancing

- you laughed at his adorable actions

- you were totally gonna dance for him!

- you got up as the music started to play in the background, moving to the side of the table and sensually moving to the beat while the audience watched intently

- you carefully moved your hips, hitting all the right beats

- this wasn’t any different than dancing in front of the camera people, plus you had to get used to an audience

- it also wasn’t any different from how you had to dance to kpop songs from when you were younger for your family!!

- (no, literally. the amount of times i had to dance to 2NE1’s i am the best, girls generation’s gee, and wonder girls’ nobody. the dances are engraved in my head. 6 year old giri had to dance or else)

- as the song faded out, you held your pose before bowing, smiling at the little boy who continued to hype you up

- “holy fuck.. dabi that was hot” hawks whispered, tightening his grip around his friends sleeve

- “jeez kei, ease up a bit” dabi complained, prying his friends hand off of him

- “oh my god she’s such a great dancer, do you think she’ll like me if i learn how to dance too?” he questioned, grabbing his friend by the front of his shirt, pissing dabi off once more

- “no. not if you don’t stop being a fuckinf weirdo”

- hawks pouted

- dabi grinned

- how cruel

- “does anyone else have a request?”

- “WAP!!” a number of people yelled, resulting in your face heating up

- how would they suggest such a lewd dance!

- especially when there were children here!

- “haha! that doesn’t seem very appropriate!” you laughed it off, trying your best to mask your uncomfortableness

- hopefully this would end soon

- “no! can you dance to gashina please!” a girl yelled, catching your attention

- hm, gashina was actually a very good suggestion

- you could do this! you could be as great as sunmi!

- okay maybe no. sunmi was a god <3

- you did the routine, catching the eyes and the hearts of the audience

- “fuck i think i’m in love dabi” hawks whined, clutching his chest

- he had a lovesick expression plastered on his face

- he was totally whipped for you, no doubt about it

- before you knew it, it was time for the fans to have a minute to speak to you and for them to get their albums signed!

- you had recently debuted with your album, dawn in tokyo

- you had taken inspiration from the time where you had left your hotel at dawn and walked around the streets of tokyo, sitting near a bridge and writing lyrics for some of the songs in the album

- hence the name of the album

- most of your album was written in japan

- hawks felt himself get more excited as he came closer to you, holding tightly to the fabric of his friends jacket, which wouldn’t surely gotten him slapped if you weren’t so near

- before he knew it, he was already next in line, dabi already sitting in front of your figure while holding your soft, delicate looking hand in his large ugly ones

- this made hawks’ chest bubble with jealousy

- >:(

- sure, you had a large fan base, but it still hurt to see people touch you the way he wanted to

- it was now his turn, he walked up the stairs with his wobbly knees, wanting to just sit and be near you

- he knew that you would be able to calm his nerves, or make him spontaneously combust

- “hey! i’m y/n! nice to meet you!” you smiled, out-stretching your hand to him, offering to place your hand in his own

- he swiftly, but gently grasped your hand, before placing it on his cheek, letting you hold the soft chub of his cheek

- no fan had been this brave to do this. it was quite surprising to be honest

- he wasn’t breaking any rules so you decided to fuck it and go with it

- you placed both your hands on his cheeks, slightly squishing them together, causing him to adorably pout

- “dash not nishe” he mumbled, brows furrowing

- you laughed before letting go of his face, bringing your hands back to your side of the table

- “you’re so cute! can i sign your album for you?” you smiled, tilting your head to the side

- hawks just..dieded

- mans said peace out

- your beauty was incomprehensible

- phew, he had to get his shit together! he was trying to impress u! he wanted to be the mc in a wattpad story

- we all wanna be y/n

- anywayss

- “sure dove! u can make it out to keigo, u can put your number in it too ;)” he winked

- KDNDHSK

- DID HE—

- DID HE JUST ASK FOR YOUR NUMBER

- LIKE—

- nobody:

- y/n: i’m not gon do it girl.. i’m just thinking about it

- “ah! sorry cutie! i’m not allowed to share my number :333”

- you tried to laugh as you died inside

- he smiled, before placing a kiss on your fingertips

- “don’t worry dove,i respect that” he winked

- BARK BARK

- “i have some gifts for you!” he announced, placing the huge paper bag on top of the table

- he first pulled out your favourite snack before handing it to you

- how did he get these??

- omg

- then, he brought out a bottle of perfume, and a new song writing notebook!

- this was great!!

- “oh my gosh! keigo! you’re too sweet” you cooed,

- this was a lot

- “i also have something else.. would you wear this flower crown for me and do some fan-service?” he queried

- of course you would!

- you nodded before placing the flower crown on top of your head

- “what do you want me to say?”

- “say.. i’ll be a good dove for hawks. is that okay?” he smirked, tracing small circles into the palm of your hands

- w-wHAT

- was this legal

- your managers were literally ignoring you—

- “o-oh! sure! uhm-“

- god you were going to regret this

- “i-i’ll be a good dove for hawks!” you whimpered, showing off your practiced aegyo

- “ahhh! my heart!” he gasped, dramatically clutching his chest

- “excuse me, we need the next fan to come up” you manager tapped the both of your arms

- you nodded before smiling at hawks and waving goodbye

- you were going to miss him :((

- ig it just wasn’t meant to be

- the night you had gotten home, you decided to go through your gifts

- you were particularly interested in the gift you had gotten from the blond man

- it was really sweet of him to get you a notebook

- the moment you had opened it, you had noticed that something was written on the first page

- ‘xxx-xxx-xxxx call me pretty girl <3’

- he was a bold onealright

- you were contemplating on actually calling him

- he could leak your number!

- well, you could just wait for him to speak

- fuck it

- you dialed the number on your phone and waited as it rang

- “hello?”

- “i-is this keigo?”

- “hey dove, i’m glad you called”

- y/n: i did it :33

[wickymicky]

you know, i used to say that Egoist or Hi High were my number one favorite kpop songs (it went back and forth, i think i was most vocal about Egoist being my number one but there were times when i felt like it was Hi High), but like... idk... like aside from So What, i feel like i’ve barely listened to Loona at all so far this year, and honestly it’s been like six or seven months, maybe eight or nine, since i regularly listened to Loona every day (again, aside from So What).... i’ve listened to Egoist, a song that i considered my favorite kpop song hands down for the majority of the time i’ve been into kpop, like ten times this year and that’s it... and some of those times were because i had the thought “oh jeez i havent listened to this song in a long time, i should do that... i’m betraying it...”

i wonder if i only kept saying/thinking that egoist is my favorite kpop song because i said it once and i had to stick to it... i think its pretty clear to any mutuals i have that my actual favorite kpop song is something like picky picky though, a song i actually post about all the time and listen to really frequently...

:/

so yeah, there’s no easy way to say this, but it really feels like i’m hanging on to Loona out of a sense of loyalty more than anything else :( it’s hard to put into words but listening to Loona feels kinda different these days. knowing more about how they decided things on the fly and how rushed the selection of the final members was (and how little the members were told) kinda... like... doesn’t it change how you listen to a song like New or Egoist? it certainly gives a lot more context to Yves being really shy in those first loonatvs she was in... and Olivia’s experience with her debut was such a whirlwind, like, she was just kind of thrust into the group... i have soooo much respect for all the members for being able to handle it, and i think it’s a fuckin miracle that it worked and they ended up with twelve incredible members, all of whom are so talented and any group would be lucky to have them, but even still just... some of the fun is lost a little bit for me. and I can’t listen to Everyday I Love You, one of my favorite Loona songs, without thinking of how much Vivi’s potential has been wasted. it turned a song that i have fun while listening to into one that makes me frustrated or sad. 

for whatever reason, i feel less of that when listening to ot12 stuff, even if some members get shit for lines, tho tbh, and this is a really hot take and i’m sorry... but i’m really mostly just into their three title tracks (and Favorite i guess), i rarely listen to their bsides.. they don’t hit me the same way, i guess. anyway though it’s the predebut stuff that makes me frustrated or sad. i cant help but empathize and think of what they must be feeling in the predebut era... happiness and excitement sure, but also nervousness, anxiety, stress, etc... the one by one debut concept was novel and it ended up working out in a sense, but at what cost? it was able to work out because the yyxy members were brought in at the last minute, Hyeju literally with only like 24 hours before they were gonna reveal the next member, and with all the changes we know about like Vivi probably being intended to be in OEC and things like that, and trainees that BBC had who for whatever reason ended up being rejected also probably at the last minute in favor of the yyxy members who were brought on... sigh... idk

it feels like it’s getting harder and harder to be a fan of this group, too. as they get more popular and more recognition, the fandom is growing, and with that comes a lot more drama, none of which i particularly care about (aside from the stuff relating to the group itself, as i’ve been talking about). they got their first win, and i was happy at the time, but... i’m worried about their future. it’s not that i wish they didnt get their first win, it’s just... i hope this doesnt make BBC feel validated in overworking and over-controlling them, you know? i want to believe that a lot has changed for the better since after Butterfly, especially when Jaden Jeong left, but we just have no way of knowing that for sure. there’s evidence for both sides, so at the end of the day, all we can do is speculate, and that doesnt really help anything. 

it sucks to admit this to myself but i feel like i’m losing interest in this group because of all this. whenever i’ve watched loona content from the So What era, sometimes they do seem happy, but even then there’s this feeling that they’re stressed and tired. are they happy? again, we can only speculate, so it’s best not to, but i cant stop my idiot brain from assuming the worst and picking up on signals that might not even actually be there, it’s just confirmation bias. maybe i only feel like theyre not at 100% because i’m already worried theyre not at 100%, you know? hmmm. also, i just... don’t think i feel the same connection with this group that i used to. maybe i never really did, tbh. they were my first group, my introduction to kpop, and i genuinely love some of their stuff still, but i feel like as i’ve gotten sooooo much more understanding of this whole kpop industry and i can put loona’s discography in context with aaaaaallllllll the other kpop songs i’ve listened to.... i feel like a lot of their stuff hasn’t aged as well as i would want, for me. you know how sometimes you wonder how much of what you like is really stuff you like, and how much is only because other people like it so you subconsciously feel you have to too? well, at first i would have said i genuinely love all of it and i could explain why, but idk i think i was convincing myself of some of it... as ive found more stuff that i genuinely love, it becomes clearer what are my things and what arent, you know? when i only knew 30 kpop songs and had 5 super-favorites, it was easier to overestimate some things, but now that i know hundreds and have a really deep pool of super-favorites, some of that early stuff i found is overshadowed, i guess. maybe egoist isnt as special to me anymore cause like.. at the time, i hadnt heard many kpop songs like it, but now... i have. and some of them do what it does just as well................. if not better............... sigh, i feel like im punching my past self in the gut

if this hurts you to read cause you’re a huge orbit, trust me, i know what you mean, it hurts to admit this. it kinda sucks to realize that you’re slowly losing interest in something you once loved and was incredibly important to you. 

oh and by the way, when i talk about losing interest, i dont mean that i dont care about loona anymore lmao, i just mean theyre going from my number 1 or 2 or 3 spot down to like my number 5 or 6 or 7 spot haha, alongside other groups that i like a lot but don’t follow the same way i follow my ults. so like even if i continue feeling this way about them, theyre still one of my favorite groups lol. like i guess i would kinda place them around where i would place twice or another group like that in my top 10? anyway... i just had to get this all off my chest. it started out being a post just about egoist and kinda hi high too, but then i realized i had a lot more to say haha, sorry. hopefully this doesnt upset anyone, idk, i hope you understand where im coming from :(

[mikmikisnotcrack]

Music Box || Im Jaebum

Fantasy AU: Ghost! Jaebum

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• Your grandmother was a lil weird

• When you were a kid, she always told you weird stuff. A lot of them revolved around one thing though, and that was witchery

• You thought it was really cool that your grandmother told you this witchery stuff, but eventually your parents told you that it was all just fictional.

• It ruined your childhood, but hey, you still thought your grandmother was cool

• But when you grew up, she became weaker and eventually passed away.

• You were absolutely devastated. I mean, who wouldn't? You had a cool grandma who always told you witchy stories and who was by your side whenever you had problems in your life.

• Before she passed though, she had given you a carousel music box that you were told has been around for ages.

• You kept it on your bedside drawer so that you wouldn't feel alone.

• Whenever you stressed about exams, deadlines, your best friend Jackson or work, you always turned to the music box for comfort.

• Though, when you thought it made you feel like you weren't alone

• You didn't think it would actually make you feel less lonely

• Because you sWeAr tO gOd you feel a presence around you ever since you brought the music box into your apartment.

• It could just be you being paranoid because it was your first time being away from your family home

• But legit it felt like someone else was in the room

• You wanted to consider putting it back in your old room back at home, but it has stuck with you for too damn long to NOT be by your side. Besides, it was from your witchy grandma, why would you keep it away from you?

• One night, you were incredibly stressed. Finals were coming up in multiple subjects of yours and it was really hard to balance that with your part time job as a barista.

• On top of that, some professors were so helpful in lessening your stress by giving some paper works due! How fun.

• The night was full of your constant groans of frustration and the sound of paper crumpling.

• It was 2:30 am you wanted to drop the fuck out right there and then as you slammed your head down on the multiple papers scattered on your desk.

• The frustration from the past few days that you bottled up was finally bursting, and now here you were, crying on the bond papers that have been on your desk.

• Until you heard it

• Your music box was fucking playing

• Your head snapped over to your desk where you saw the music box playing. The little gold horses were spinning.

• This shit was something straight out of a horror movie.

• The moment your head left the papers, they all went flying off your desk. You didn't even know how to react because all the windows were closed and your fan wasnt open. You're haunted fOR S U R E

• "You know, you should really take it easy on yourself"

• You whipped your head around but nobody was there.

• Nope nope nope nope

• You pushed away all the papers that remained on your desk, shut your laptop, shut your textbooks, and went straight to your bed, covering yourself with the duvet.

• The music box will not stop playing!!

• You inhaled sharply before you were met face to face with a boy with dark hair and eyes to match.

• You wanted to scream, but you didn't know where your voice fucking went

• "You know, it's really bad to pent up your frustration like that. You should relax"

• "P-Pardon???"

• "You heard me"

• Your eyes were wide as dinner plates. This guy was definately not here when you entered the aprtment

• And this guy was definately not a normal human being!!!

• "Ohhh shit I forgot that humans aren't used to this thing... sorry"

• No shit humans arent used to that thing!! It's not everyday your dead grandma's music box plays in the middle of three am and a ghost throws off your damn paperwork!!!

• "You know what, my stress levels are sky rocketting right now! I'm seeing things!! I should really go to bed!!"

• And with that, you turned to face the opposite way from ghost boy and put the duvet up to your nose.

• Before you completely fell asleep, you heard your papers being fixed and the lamp on your desk turning off.

• "Good night (Y/n)"

• The next morning you woke up a little more refreshed than normal.

• It was a friday, which meant that your classes started a little later than usual.

• You brushed your hair and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower.

• After doing your morning routine and picking out your clothes, you went to the kitchen to make breakfast.

• Except, it was already made for you.

• There in the kitchen, was ghost boy placing the sunny side up egg on the freshly cooked bibimbap

• "Oh, you're awake"

• Proceeds to pour you a cup of coffee in a shameless "stressed, depressed, kpop obsessed" mug

• "Uhhh, y e a h"

• "You should eat up, your finals will be coming up today and you need nutrients to keep your head functioning"

• Places the mug on the bar counter.

• "Well? What are you waiting for? Eat up"

• You reluctantly take a seat on your favorite bar stool and dig into the bibimbap. It was surprisingly reslly good! It tasted exactly...

• "The way your grandma used to make it?"

• "Excuse me???"

• "Oh! Im not a mind reader or anything, it's just that a huge wave of nostalgia just appeared on your face and I just thought that you thought... Yeah, I'm just gonna stop right there"

• You took a sip on the coffee he had made and realised it was exactly how you make it! With a huge amount of creamer and sugar.

• You watched as he leaned on the bar counter and eyed you down.

• "How are you doing that?" You ask

• "Doing what?"

• "You're definately not human, because I know for a fact that I do not have a roommate and you appeared out of no where... Yet here you are, you just cooked breakfast for me AND scared the shit out of me last night"

• "Oohhhh fuck um... Sorry about that. I'm Jaebum by the way"

• You squinted at him as you proceeded to drink your hella good coffee.

• He pulled at the collar of his black hoodie nervously as you eyed him down

• "ANYWAYS! Ghosts that have been around for some time become more powerful, and we learn how to lift objects and do normal mundane shit. Though, not exactly as mundane because we're still technically spirits with no bodies"

• "Interesting..."

• Once you finished your food, he took it from the counter and placed it in the sink while you made your way back to the room.

• You were about to pack your notebooks, but you realised that Jaebum had done it for you.

• Wow, a very helpful ghost!

• "I guess I'll talk to you later???" You say before exiting your apartment.

• "Lmao as if you have a choice on not talking to me"

• Son of a--

• And with that, you leave!

• After another eventful day, you come back home to find Jaebum on the couch eating the honey butter chips that you stored away in your shelf while he watched Strong Woman Do Bong Soon on netflix.

• "Yah, those are my chips!"

• "Woops"

• It was a weekend tomorrow, so you didn't have to worry about any of your shit. Free time for you, yay!

• You dressed up in your favorite t-shirt, a huge hoodie and a pair of shorts and mads your way back to the living room and watched SWDBS with your ghost friend.

• "Soooo Jaebum, why the hell are you here??"

• He pauses the drama before turning to you.

• "Weeellll I may or may not be binded to your music box and I can't go anywhere else"

• "W h y???"

• "Strap in, I'm telling you a longass story"

• So! From what you have found out, Jaebum's mom really liked the music box that she was gifted with during her and her husband's first wedding anniversary. However, that marriage slowly spiralled down into chaos once Jaebum was born.

• When Jaebum grew older, they eventually divorced yet his mother never let go of the love she felt for her husband. Eventually she died, still holding the music box

• Jaebum was surprised that she wasnt the one that haunted the music box

• He swore to himself that he would protect the thing his mother cherished the most and the person who cherished the carousel music box.

• So his mom's best friend's daughter ended up getting the music box after the both of them had died... And that daughter ended up to be one of the ancestors who passed down the music box, until it was handed to you.

• "Soooo you dont have any plans on going, idk, to heaven?? Or hell"

• "yAh I am a good ghostie with good intentions!! Why would I go to hell?!"

• "I dont know!! Just saying!!"

• "I dont know, maybe when you die I'll consider going back to heaven"

• And that is how you got stuck with your ghost friend Jaebum!

[starry-kfics]

sharpie markers and google translate [kenta]

today is jbj’s disbandment day, and i’m in actual tears as im publishing this. jbj meant absolutely so much to me, i’ve been with them since the day they debuted and i had hoped for them to have been around longer. i had this in my drafts and decided that publishing it would be a fitting way of giving something to the other joyfuls out there. hope you all enjoy - mel

on the morning of your eighteenth birthday, you eagerly awoke, despite it being a school day, knowing that today when you started writing on your skin, it would show up on your soulmate's

and you were so fucking excited

you wanted to meet them pretty much as soon as possible, you already had to wait 18 years, you didn't want to wait any longer

and were elated to see that when you turned your lamp on, there was already writing on your arm, your soulmate was awake before you

but when your eyes hungrily tried to read the message, you were confused at the characters that were definitely not english, the only language you knew

"jesus fucking christ" you groaned, squinting at the note before grabbing your phone to attempt to find a translation for 'こんにちは'

turns out it was japanese for 'hello'

hoping to the lord above that google translate wasn't fucking you over and making you say something dumb, you grabbed a pen from your bedside table and carefully wrote out 'あなたの名前は何ですか', which was hopefully 'what's your name'

but once they had written about three full sentences of a messy japanese that google translate camera couldn't pick up on, you gave up

deciding to take a chance, you wrote in your clearest english possible, 'I'm sorry, do you speak English?'

you remembered hearing that asian countries like japan taught english standard in their curriculum from a young age or something (unlike the useless two years of spanish you took), and prayed that they could understand it

to your delight, there was another messy note with letters that you could read 'yes, a little'

'awesome! what's your name?'

'takada kenta'

'well hi takada'

'no, that's my surname'

you felt so dumb for not realizing that they were probably used to introducing themselves with surname first, and with a red face, wrote 'sorry, kenta. my name is y/n'

'nice to meet you, y/n. i like your name'

'thank you! i think kenta is a very cute name'

despite how well your conversation with kenta was going, you still felt a pool of disappointment in your stomach, all your plans of meeting up with your soulmate as soon as possible were out the window, he lived in a completely different country from you

'oh, thank you!'

'so do you have school today too?'

'no, i am done with school'

'how old are you?'

'i am 19'

this brought a frown to your face, this meant he had been waiting for you for at most a year

'i'm sorry that you had to wait so long'

'that's okay y/n :)'

just the little smiley face kenta drew brought a smile to your own face, and when you looked at the clock, you realized that you needed to start getting ready for school

'i'm going to school soon, i'll talk to you later, kenta!'

'okay, goodbye y/n!'

from that day on, you tried to communicate your best with kenta between the limited english he had, and your own mastery of google translate if he added in anything in japanese

eventually you noticed how good his english had gotten and when questioned, he admitted to studying it in his free time to be able to talk to you better

needless to say it made you feel embarrassed for not thinking of doing the same with japanese for him

you were on duolingo for over fifteen hours that weekend to learn the basics

kenta liked to teach you small phrases in japanese like my sweetheart, good luck, and little bitch (he originally told you it was something similar to 'my honey,' but eventually fessed up; and now it was your new nickname for him)

in return, you would teach him essential english vocabulary such as sweetie, hun, babe, and headass, which accidentally became his new favorite word

he would write it in hard to cover up places just to get you in trouble

and you would retaliate with little bitch in japanese, in equally hard to cover up places

but your messages to each other weren't always like that, sometimes they'd be philosophical queries when it was late at night for one of you, or small doodles when you were bored

there was one day you had given him a small playlist of your favorite songs on your forearm, and he responded with a full twenty minute rant that covered most your thigh about the k-pop group Teen Top

needless to say, he kind of opened your eyes to a whole new sphere of music

whenever you got into a new k-pop group, you'd immediately write to kenta to ask him if he'd heard about them

he always had

you gave him updates on your school life, and could always expect something cute from him on important days

during finals, he drew small stars and hearts that he frequently would trace again whenever they started fading

on your birthday, he drew you a birthday cake and wrote a small sweet note about wishing to give you a proper birthday hug

on your graduation day he apologized for not being there and drew you a small bouquet of flowers to the best of his ability

when you told him you'd gotten accepted at your top college, he wrote the word congrats in all caps before drawing a heart around it and decorating it with various small symbols and drawings

he eventually came to learn the time difference between your time zone and his, sometimes giving you small reminders to eat, drink water, take a shower, study for that test, do the homework you had written on your hand earlier that day, or go to sleep if he knew that you were staying up to talk to him

and you'd do the same for him, subconsciously learning his schedule; giving him words of encouragement when he left japan to be a k-pop trainee, reminders to practice, or take a break, to sleep, eat, drink water; and giving him a small note of encouragement right when you knew he'd be waking up

why y'all didn't just text each other was bc international messaging and phone call rates were hella and you were a broke college student while he was an equally broke kpop trainee

so you continued writing notes on your skin

one morning you woke up to find the biggest mess of english, japanese, and korean across your arm

calmly, you grabbed the marker you always kept at your bedside now, you found a clear space near your elbow, and wrote 'what?' (which was all you could fit in)

as his previous ink began to fade away, you saw his response to your question

'i'm going to be on produce101 season 2!!'

you outright squealed, knowing how huge this was for him

'i'm so proud of you, kenta!'

'will you watch the broadcasts?'

this was when your throat constricted for a minute

after nearly three years, you still hadn't seen kenta's face, or knew anything about his singing voice, which you guessed to be good since he was getting on produce101

for some reason, it felt almost wrong, to find out over the television, to see him for the first time like that when you had planned on first seeing his face in person at your first meeting

but neither of you had a feasible plan for meeting anytime soon, between your college schedule and his busy trainee schedule

to be honest, you were getting impatient with it all, and wrote to him 'of course, where can i watch it?'

kenta fervently gave you several channels and websites where you might be able to watch it, which you quickly took pictures of before the ink disappeared from your skin

'i wasn't supposed to tell anyone yet until it was officially announced, but i figured i could tell my soulmate, right?'

you grinned, somewhat in awe, that was the first time that kenta had ever really addressed you as his soulmate

he had called you sweetheart, jagiya (once he moved to korea), and headass more times than you could count, but never his soulmate

it made your heart flutter, and you couldn't believe how head over heels you were for this boy you'd never met and was on the opposite side of the planet from you

'thank you, kenta. i'm excited to finally see you, fighting!'

it wasn't for another two months after kenta told you about him being on produce101 that the first episode actually was broadcasted

and boy were you nervous

why were you nervous just to watch a TV show? who knows, it's not like you were actually meeting him yet

you knew that he had been in promo pictures they'd put out for the season, but refused to look at any of them

you wanted it to be a surprise until the very end, when they all showed off their skills

and oh my god there were so many of them how were you supposed to be able to find a single face in the group that might be kenta's

whenever their names were written it was always in korean, and you cursed yourself for only ever asking kenta what his name looked like in japanese

and so you stress watched the show, desperately looking for a clue as to who kenta was

but your horrible skills with context clues and analyzation left you sorely disappointed at the end

there were a few boys you hoped were kenta, but nothing felt right to you

with a sigh, you looked down at your arm to see a small note from kenta

'did you watch it?'

'yes'

'what did you think?'

you didn't want to tell kenta that you weren't able to pick him out from the dozens of boys, you were his soulmate, weren't you supposed to just know?

'it was really good! i didn't understand most of it because it was in korean, but i'm so proud of you!'

'there will be english subs up soon, fans are usually good about that'

but a plan was already forming in your mind before kenta had told you that

'when do you film again?'

'in two days for episode two'

'what time?'

'8 am for me, why?'

'just curious!'

and so two days later, after converting 8am kst to your time zone, you sat on your bed with your marker

you hadn't looked at any english subs of the previous episode, not quite trusting it, you needed something that would prove 100% to you who your soulmate was

popping the cap off, you drew three small dots around the bone of your wrist

not anything too big, you didn't want the possibility of him getting in trouble for it

through his whole day, you would refresh the dots when the ink began to fade

so you kind of had to pull an all-nighter

but you knew that it would be worth it

at 7 am, after snoozing for a few hours between several alarms, your tired eyes saw a note on your forearm; kenta must be done filming

'what's with the dots?'

'idk, got bored?'

'they didn't go away, did you stay up all night?'

'i couldn't sleep anyway' which was a lie, but whatever

'go to sleep, sweetheart'

‘fine'

so when it was time for episode two to be broadcasted, you again sat in front of your computer anxiously

what if there weren't any shots that showed his wrist, or that he didn't get any screentime, or he was wearing long sleeves?

but your prayers were answered within the first two minutes, when there was a close up of the group of boys, and right as the camera focused on one of them, he lifted his hand to scratch his nose and you saw the dots

you just about screeched in surprise, hitting pause and rewinding to be sure you were seeing it right and that it wasn't just some moles

but it was definitely the three dots you had drawn

and they were on the wrist of a really attractive dude

who was your soulmate

how did you manage to get him? who knows

but as the show continued on, and your eyes were glued to him every time he was on screen, you were becoming more and more sure that it was kenta

your convictions were confirmed when he was called on by one of the judges, and you nearly died when he replied in a small yet clear voice

and lord, when he started singing you nearly passed out, his voice was so sweet and melodic, you couldn't believe he was real

but he was real, and apparently he was your soulmate

you were thankful when the episode had ended because you were on the verge of hyperventilating

immediately you grabbed your marker to write to him

'such a good episode! your voice is so sweet and pretty'

you were nervous when the ink had faded and he hadn't replied yet. he probably hadn't seen it yet, but you weren't sure, the small voice in the back of your head was telling you that he hated you for not commenting on it after the first episode

but was really happening was that kenta was having a major freakout over you complimenting his voice and physically couldn't respond

and when he finally did, his hand was shaking as he wrote and you could barely decipher the english

'thank you! i was off on a note in the chorus though'

with a frown you replied, 'i couldn't tell, you were incredible!'

and so you started a trend after every episode to just gush on and on about his performance until he stfu abt any "mistakes" he said he made

which made him blush and squeal so hard late at night in the dorms and his dorm mates had to tell him to turn the light off and go to sleep

but!! you!! were complimenting!! him!! and he just!! was so excited!!

you woke up one day expecting kenta to have scribbled some dumb reference to what they just filmed

but instead there was just 'y/n? are you awake?' that was fading, replaced by 'i really need you'

you scrambled to grab your marker so fast that you nearly knocked your lamp over

'kenta, im here'

'i know you never want me to spoil an episode for you but i really need to talk to you'

'what happened? kenta, please, what's wrong?'

'i got eliminated today'

you couldn't believe it

your handsome, sweet, kenta with the most diverse and beautiful vocals you'd ever heard, as well as the most awe-inspiring dances, had been eliminated

you were pissed

you nearly couldn't hold your marker as you wrote back, anger coursing through your veins

'im going to fly to korea and kick each judge's ass individually they can fucking go choke'

kenta didn't reply, and you took a deep breath before refocusing and taking a calmer approach

'kenta, im so sorry they did that to you. you deserve to debut, your voice is stunning, you can dance, and they lost a good trainee in you. this doesn't mean you're not good, you're freaking awesome! i believe in you, your company will still debut you. i'll be cheering you on from over here.'

'i wish i could hug you right now'

your heart twisted at this, and you starting tearing up. you couldn't even hear his voice but you knew that he must be so sad, and all you wanted to do was hug him too, to be able to squeeze your arms around him, stroke his back, and tell him that everything will be ok

but all you could do was write on your arm with a marker

'you'll be able to hug me one day, i promise'

you didn't watch another episode of pd101, not even the one where kenta was eliminated, you knew that seeing him crying would just hurt you even more; besides, you already knew what happened

your conversations with kenta fell back to their normal content, reminders to each other to eat and drink and sleep and take a break, etc.

it was another few months when you were surprised by a huge spread of ink on your arm when you randomly pulled your sleeves up in class

the person sitting next to you looked over at you, clearly confused by the weird combination of english, japanese, and korean on your skin

your eyes ran over the words as quick as possible, garnering a general meaning from them

kenta was going to debut soon, in his own group

'really? that's awesome, sweetie!'

'i don't have a set date yet, but i want you to come to my debut showcase. please. i've been saving up, i'll pay for your ticket and hotel, whatever you need'

you chewed on your lip nervously, kenta was asking you to fly all the way out to korea, possibly skipping classes

skipping classes wasn't what bothered you, but the idea of meeting kenta was

you used to be so ready to meet your soulmate, but your comfortable relationship with just writing to kenta had reined in your enthusiasm

now you were cautious, but something deep in you still brought you to scribble a reply, 'give me a date and i'll be there. i can pay for my own ticket back'

'thank you, i can't wait'

and so that's how you ended up on the most anxious plane ride of your life just two months later

the entire time you would give and receive small notes from kenta

'i can't wait to see you, hun!'

'me too sweetheart, i'm on my way to the airport right now'

'i can't believe this is actually happening'

'me neither, my hands are shaking as i'm trying to write'

you laughed lightly, 'i can tell'

'i'm offended?'

'sorry'

'when does your flight land?'

'the captain just announced touchdown in fifteen minutes'

it was another ten minutes on the tarmac of the airport before you could actually deboard the plane

and oh my god the whole time you felt like your insides were being twisted around and around like taffy

puking was definitely a viable option to you as you got off the plane, carry-on slung over your shoulder

there was a small crowd of people waiting for for others, and you stood on your tiptoes to try to spot kenta

there were a couple men that might have been him, except they had face masks on and you couldn't clearly see them

then, you finally spotted him

he was looking around equally confused, and you realized that he had no clue what you looked like

despite that, you broke into a full run towards him, skidding to a stop in front of him

"kenta" you breathed out

"y/n?" he asked, unsure, and you nodded happily, you couldn't believe how nice your name sounded coming from his lips

"yes"

this boy's jaw dropped to floor, you were more stunning than he could have imagined

"are you really?" he hesitantly held a hand out towards your and you grabbed it in yours, nodding eagerly

"yes, yes, i'm here"

and kenta pulled you into the most bone-crushing hug

finally, after three years, you were touching your soulmate, you were holding kenta in your arms

and you couldn't have been happier

he pulled his head out of the crook of your neck to look at you before bursting into tears

"i can't believe it, you're so- ah i can't even think of an english word to describe what i'm feeling right now"

"then use whatever language you want, i don't care"

and as soon as the smooth, soulful japanese passed his lips, you started tearing up too

you could understand less than a fourth of the sentence, but you could feel his emotions just well enough

"kenta"

"y/n"

- the both of you just liked hearing your name in the other's voice, taking in everything about each other

"so handsome" you mumbled, a finger gently grazing the side of his face

and you finally got to see the blush spread across his cheeks and turn the tops of his ears red

"aish, y/n, you can't just say that"

"why not? you are handsome"

"my heart can't handle this"

"get used to it”

"i thought you didn't like how i looked" he muttered

"why the hell would you think that?"

"because you had never mentioned it after seeing me on produce101, so i just kind of assumed you thought i was ugly, or that my teeth were gross, or-"

"takada kenta, you absolute headass"

"what"

"i didn't comment on your looks because i wanted to wait until i saw you in person. and the cameras did not do you justice, your smile is so cute, and jesus christ you're so good-looking i have no clue why you would ever think anything else"

"y/n"

"yes?"

"i love you"

you broke out into the biggest grin ever, barely able to make eye contact as you replied, "i love you too, kenta"