#but shes also smarty and handy

[viviandarkbloombartylusversion]

Regulus and Barty are Jeanette and Simon from the chipmunks movies, especially in the chipwrecked movie i swear (Sirius is Brittany)

[happy-tree-huggers]

All Characters - Their Pet Names for Their S/O

Note: Sorry for my long & sudden absence! Life has been hectic these past few months. I hope to get back to writing requests soon. Here's a tiny gift for waiting so long! Word Count: N/A Warnings: None

♡ Cuddles - Pet names sound quite unnatural coming from him, so he'll always go with rather playful names, usually something specific referencing his S/O. If they're short, it's Shorty; if they're clumsy, well... Clumsy.

♡ Giggles - She loves using cutesy pet names like Sweetie, Honeybunch, and Cutiepie, though sometimes she'll go with a casual Baby.

♡ Toothy - He doesn't call his S/O anything but their name for a while due to his inexperience with relationships. Eventually though, he'll begin calling them Lovey.

♡ Lumpy - He wouldn't normally use pet names unless his S/O asked him to; though he'd think of something cheesy and long like My One And Only.

♡ Petunia - Her go-to pet name is always Sugar, though she'll also use Rosebud and Precious.

♡ Handy - Many of his pet names are used in a sarcastic/joking manner like Dummy or Smarty Pants, but he does use some earnestly like Angel and Honey.

♡ Nutty - He doesn't often use pet names—mainly because due to being so hyper, he often just forgets—but if he does remember, it most certainly will always be candy related, like Lollipop, Jellybean, or Cupcake.

♡ Sniffles - He hadn't thought of using any pet names for his S/O until much later, eventually starting to use Dear; though it sounds somewhat strange coming from him, and he'll be flustered if his S/O says anything about it.

♡ Pop - Being very much the domestic type, he will use the more classical couple's pet names such as Dear or Darling; his favorite being Honey.

♡ Flaky - They are embarrassed to use pet names at all at first until they become more comfortable with their S/O, only eventually calling them Sweetie.

♡ The Mole - Being mostly nonverbal, he often doesn't speak at all and rarely uses pet names in general, but in the uncommon moment that he does speak, it would be something like Love.

♡ Disco Bear - He will almost always refer to his S/O with one of many confidence-boosting pet names, such as Beautiful/Handsome or Gorgeous. His most common however are Babe and Baby; though sometimes in a joking manner it'll be Hot Stuff, which he favors when he wants to fluster his S/O.

♡ Russell - He can get surprisingly romantic at times—well, tries his best to be—and uses pet names like My Sea and My Treasure; only in private, however.

♡ Lifty and Shifty - The two of them won't use pet names for the longest time until Shifty starts using names like Doll or Doll Face to fluster their S/O; of course, Lifty will get jealous quickly, and start using his own, such as Angel Face.

♡ Mime - Due to being completely nonverbal, he can't exactly call his S/O any pet names. Despite this however, he does show other forms of affection, such as using his hands to gesture a heart shape towards them, or sending them sweet letters.

♡ Flippy - Similar to Pop he is also very domestic, but enjoys using the sweeter variety of pet names like Sweetheart and Pumpkin. Even when triggered he may use these, though it's usually in a possessive manner.

♡ Splendid - Despite his pastime of being a superhero, he's quite the surprising gentleman, calling his S/O Dove or Charmer.

♡ Lammy - Being a more classy lady, her go-to pet names are Darling and Dear.

[monthgirl]

what's your favorite happy tree friend?

I don't have a single favourite... I have six favourites

I love these characters based on them having the most interesting personality's that click with me and the most fun episodes. sniffles and flippy got the most lore behind them. for flippy, I'm a sucker for softies with dark sides and good tragic backstories. that and I just feel bad for him cause all he wants is to live a normal peaceful life and have healthy and sincere friendships with his buddies. plus there's still a lot of mystery around him like what happened after tiger bomb, how he get his hands back and did the war die with the general or did general lieutenants (possible) carry it on? what caused the war? was flippy conscripted or did flippy join on his own accord.

Flips, Flakes and Cuds were my first favorites then sniffles, giggles and lastly Lumpy. Not going to lie I was a lumpy hater but then I saw non-senseology art and the episode all flocked up where lumpy saved a baby bird out of the kindness of his heart. I decided to re-examine his character... and man I was wrong about him. he's actually a really fun, charming and very sweet character. I love his road runner and wildly coyote dynamic with fliqpy.

Also, off subject on subject some once asked if ship lumps and flippy/fliQpy. to which my answer is nah I don't see them like that. I see them more as brothers well found brothers and bests of friends bffs, kind of like cuddles and flaky who I also view in a sibling like relationship. honestly I'd put the ship in my neutrel tier/not into it but chill about it.

-------

oh hey this is also a chance for me to do a shameless plug in for some fanfictions I'm writing soon.

Operation baby sitter - starring cub and fliqpy, co staring shifty and lifty.

 pop direr need to find a babysitter after a bad inspection from child protective services after handy the babysitter accidental caused a house and badly hurt himself. pop must find a new sitter quickly or lose his son. burning through his friend lists unable to help, finds only one tree friend available.  meanwhile the raccoon brothers are planning to do a home alone style robbery around town and pops house is next on the list.

Astrel friends - starring cuddles and death

-after dyng cuddles enters the astral plane as a wandering ghost, he follows the exploits of several characters and is hunted by DEATH himself, eventually floating up to space and beyond, where the golden elder god lurks.

(splendont) makes a cameo

-Smarty hooves starring sniffles and lumpy

One day, Sniffles, nutty and Lumpy are butterfly fishing at butterfly Fields, looking for the many butterfly to catch and having fun together. While hunting, Sniffles notices that Patrick is running towards a sign that says "DANGER CLIFF" and tries to warn him. However, Patrick does not pay attention to where he is going, Sniffles tries to grab him to stop him from falling but gets pulled over with him off of the cliff. Nutty rushes down to the bottom of the cliff shortly after, hoping to find Sniffles and Lumpy, but just discovers the tops of there heads have been smashed open. they are taken to the hospital with mole as their brain surgeon, puts their brains in the opposite bodies.

Suddenly, Lumpy's brain starts working in ways it never had before; he seems to be interested in nature, art, science, and almost any music, yet egoistical and condescending. while sniffles becomes clumsy, stupid, goofy and humble.

-Army Locker staring flaky, cuddles and flippy

Cuddles and Flaky come over to flippys house to make a pie with him , but he's not home yet. Bored waiting for him, Cuddles sneak into Flippy's house check his old army gear that he's doesn't anyone touch, despite flaky warning him that probably a bad idea, become trapped when he comes home, and witness his odd behavior when he's alone.

-Funky die pie - disco and giggles

When Giggles accidentally lets Disco eat an exploding pie, she feels guilty and resolves to make Disco's few remaining hours left in the world enjoyable by finally going on a reluctant date with him.

Happy tree friends presents: a hand in horror - Handy, disco, lumpy, flippy/fliqpy, Giggles

Handy receives a hand transplant from the recently dead veteran bear Flippy/fliqpy, who die in a shoot with the police which possesses him and makes him go on a murder spree.

[rimworldretreats]

Day 19-22: the party grows

Pretty soon, we have our next "guest"; a local noble who is fleeing a vile manhunting beast and requires sanctuary until his shuttle arrives. Fish is of course, happy to let him die, but Hinton's dedication to the principles of hospitality and making good with the local powers win out. Do you know how hard it can be to pass food safety inspections when all your food is regurgitated by a mechanical monstrosity?

I forgot to screenshot any more information about Inetheomo, which is fine, as he will basically sit here and read while our group bleeds to protect him.

Shortly after him, the Beast arrives. Behold!

I don't bother setting up the turrets, but Hadley and Fish make relatively short work of it.

It does get close enough to bite his arm; fortunately, Rimworld's Space Rabies is not contagious.

The noble gets in his shuttle and leaves, having contributed nothing, but Hinton does get the rank of Yeoman in the local empire. She celebrates by treating Hadley's rabbit bite through the wall.

On day 20, Hori has recovered, and decides to stay as a guest for a while. I forget to switch her bed from medical to guest, and, well, she doesn't like to presume.

We also deal with a manhunting hedgehog much as we did the rabbit, and start getting the first harvest of rice, which Fish put in the ground 5 days ago.

It's specially engineered rice that grows super fast, OK? And we found a patch of fertile ground.

Rimworld Top Tip: Getting some rice in fertile ground as soon as practical will really help smooth the transition from gathering berries or stockpiled meals. Corn packs more nutrition per plant, but takes a lot longer to grow. Of course, if you have a pawn with high animals/shooting, hunting will also help.

Rimworld Other Top Tip: Butcher tables/spots don't distinguish between animals you hunted, or have in storage, and animals that die for other reasons anywhere on the map. If you set a bill on the butcher spot to butcher animals forever, you can check for deceased animals, mark them "allowed" and get free food. It's also handy if your hunter wings something but has to come back to sleep or eat before it's downed.

Day 21 sees some more ship crash events, including another cryptosleep section.

Triage time! Airway, Breathing, Circulation, Resumé! That's a bit unfair, we'll rescue anybody we can, but if we have to prioritize...

We rescue Smarty; the others expire or wander off to die of radiation poisoning as they linger near the reactor. There's no way to stop them short of capturing them, which might not actually work out any less fatal. There's also some Ancient power control chips, and a lot of clothing.

Day 22 brings an even more exciting milestone: our first paying guest!

I don't know if weapons of mass destruction are a lot cheaper, or boarding a lot more expensive, but I can probably keep this Gorilla person alive for 16 days in exchange for an antimatter warhead. I might even be able to use it eventually. Keeping her mood above 50% without the niceties of indoor plumbing may be harder.

And to cap things off, Smarty has elected to stay with us.

It may seem odd to be an animal hater with a passion for the animals skill, but at least if we start keeping food animals somebody will be happy to do the dirty work. She'll also be able to take the farming off Fish's pretty full plate, which will really help streamline things.

[ladyeliot]

Exceeding expectations

Valentine’s Day (Masterlist) 

Request: Anonymous: Hey this is for the Valentine’s Day promps! Tony, ⚡️, enemies to lovers, 4. & 11.

4. “I bought a dress, shaved my legs, and put makeup on. I refuse to be stood up.”

11.  “Cupid just shot me in the ass with an arrow!”

Pairing: Student!Tony Stark x Fem!Student!Reader

Summary: All your life you have been focused on your studies, for you that was all that mattered, but during your third year of university things take a sharp turn and love appears in your life.

Warnings: College AU. SMUT ⚡️

Word count: 7254

A/N: This is very long! It has gotten out of hand. Sorry for my spelling and grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language, I am learning.

At the age of thirteen you had discovered that love, or rather what adults used to call love, because you barely knew what those four letters meant, doesn't always bring you happiness. Jason Filton had sent you a note in the middle of Biology class informing you that you were no longer dating and that his new girlfriend was Sarah Rickman. After reading it, you threw the paper over his head as hard as you could, making all your classmates laugh and you ended up in the headmaster's office. At that moment you decided that love was rubbish, as well as everything else that had to do with it, so you chose to dedicate your life to more important things, such as your studies, and that's how you got a place in one of the best universities in the country.

For the first two years of aeronautical engineering you abhorred any distraction that would make you lose track of your own path. No parties, no conversations of more than ten minutes with anyone that weren't helpful to your future, no going home for holidays, it was all a waste of time that tended to break up your daily routine. Your university lifestyle tended to be unconventional, and unconventional didn't tend to go unnoticed in those places, and it didn't help that you were a year ahead of everyone else and your grades were above average. It seemed that everything stood in your way, but you used to overcome obstacles with great ability, you didn't let anything get to you, especially coming from society.

In the third year things changed, you were offered the possibility of taking two parallel degrees, as many subjects were validated, there was no evidence that you accepted, so in your weekly planning began to appear subjects of mechanical engineering. At no point did it ever occur to you that this choice would bring with it some murky consequences that you did not have in mind. A smarty-pants is not always well accepted in a class when there is already a person who occupies that position, there he was, the cause of all your future ills during the university year ahead, Tony Stark.

It's not that you hadn't competed with people like this before, well, you'd never really come across someone like this before, he was worthy of analysis, one of a kind, any student of psychology or even anthropology would be willing to do a doctorate on him. Although he obviously wouldn't come out of that research alive.

A week after attending those classes, you discovered that he was the same age as you, so he was also advanced in Mechanical Engineering, but the most surprising thing was that he already had a PhD in Physics, which made you wonder what you were doing wrong. Even so, the most curious thing is that he hardly paid any attention in class, he spent the whole time chatting amicably with his colleagues in the back row, but every time he was asked he answered the professor's questions correctly and wittily. He was a scholar, and that got on your nerves, although it was easy for you to hide it.

You avoided getting in his way at all times, but it was very easy for him to do so whenever you were in class, and one point in your favour was that when classes were over you used to lock yourself in your bedroom, and you were lucky that your classmate hardly ever came around, so those 15 square metres were all for you. But even so, the biggest drawback of your third year was not the competition with Tony Stark, it was someone else, James Barton.

James was a boy who shared some Mechanical Engineering classes with you, he was a year older than you and it was more than evident that he was a real inconvenience, because from the first day you entered the Micro/Nano Engineering Laboratory and he sat next to you, you knew you were in serious trouble. You felt the same as when Jason Filton at the beginning of eighth grade invited you for an ice cream in the cafeteria, that's right, that was the closest thing to love you had ever felt, that's why you knew you were in serious trouble.

During the first few months there were no clear developments, mostly because you never noticed any interest on his part. In your case, you hid with all your might the excitement you felt every time Tuesday morning came and you had to share a lab with him, the last thing you wanted was to look like a desperate high school teenager every time you saw him. But by magic, or perhaps fate, things gave you an incentive for your relationship as classmates to evolve.

Apparently James had been down with the flu for a week, so he was unable to attend class that Tuesday, it was obvious to you from the first moment you saw his empty seat. Therefore, Mr. Gregory thought it appropriate, since you always sat next to him, that you could bring him the material he had offered during that class. You were grateful that he thought there was at least a friendship between the two of you, it was an incipient one for you. You were a little reluctant at first, mostly because you didn't think it was appropriate to introduce yourself to him in his dormitory when you had barely spoken a word to each other beyond a morning greeting and a goodbye when you left class, but you chose to accept it as a personal challenge.

It was not complex to find out which dorm you were staying in, nor to find out which room you were in, the complexity was in making proper social conversation, as your social skills were far from what any young person could wish for. Nor did the male gazes cast upon you as you entered the building and began to walk down those corridors to the third floor help, you didn't know if you were in a dorm, a circus or a petting zoo. It made you wonder how those people had managed to get a place at MIT.

You positioned yourself in front of the wooden door with a set of papers and notes from Mr. Gregory's class in your hands, replaying over and over in your mind how you could start an ordinary conversation, but before you could knock on the door someone behind you thought you needed help so with his knuckles he rapped on the wood.

"If you don't knock no one will open the door," said a boy flashing you a friendly smile, perhaps the first you had ever seen in that place, as he continued on his way.

"Come in!" exclaimed a voice behind that door, you knew at that moment it was James.

Taking a breath you slowly rested your hand on the doorknob and turned it slightly, leaving only a small gap to put your head through.

"I'm sorry," you began, "I don't mean to intrude. I'm just dropping off the notes and materials Mr. Gregory gave in class today. He thought they might come in handy for next week's class."

James was lying on the bed, you found that the atmosphere was a little heavy with sweat mixed with his particular scent with hints of cinnamon, but the moment he discovered who his visitor was he sat up and started to pick up some tissues that were scattered on the sheets.

"God... I'm sorry, this is a mess," he said, taking the wastepaper basket in his hands and stuffing everything he could find into it, his tone totally congested.

"No, don't worry about it," you added quickly, stepping into the room. "Don't mind me, I was just coming to bring you the notes and I was just leaving."

"I'm sorry," he repeated, collapsing back onto the bed from flu-like exhaustion.

"That's all right," you gave him a small smile and put the material you had brought on the desk nearest his bed. "I guess you'll understand everything, but if you don't understand anything or need anything at all you can tell me."

"Thank you very much," he said leaning back against the wall, "I appreciate it."

You nodded smiling at him, thankful that the situation hadn't been too complicated, at least so far, so you decided not to push your luck and head for the door.

"Wait," he exclaimed as best he could behind you, causing your footsteps to stop and you to turn back to him. "Would you like to go out for a drink sometime?"

During those moments you were trying to process his request to buy you a drink the dormitory door opened with a thunderous bang against the wall, bringing you face to face with your beloved Mechanical Engineering partner.

"Oops, sorry, am I interrupting something?" he said curiously, contemplating you both gradually.

"Could you not give those bumps every time you come in?" complained James almost incomprehensibly due to congestion.

"Sure mate," having said that he gingerly closed up and walked over to his bed, picked up a book, lay down and pretended to browse through it.

"So?" James looked back up at you waiting for an answer.

It had all happened so fast that your mind had not yet come to terms with the situation, but all you had to do was say "sure", "yes, I'd love to" or "of course, that would be fine", but you only managed to nod with a small smile.

"That's a yes?" he asked trying to clarify your intentions.

"Sure," you managed to say between nods, which managed to extract a smile from your partner. "So... I'll see you next week in class. I hope you get better."

To your surprise you had overcome that personal challenge with great talent, you knew that if your sister were present she would award you the medal for bravery, not only for having talked to a boy, but for having managed to get a possible future date with great elegance, and without hardly expecting it. But what you didn't realise, or at least not until first thing on Wednesday morning, was that you were in for some curious comments from your opponent about the previous day's events.

"So you're going out with Barton," he said almost before he sat down behind you. "I thought your social life was limited to striking up a conversation with the lady at the post office one Sunday a month."

Over time you had learned that the best thing you could do was to ignore that annoying little voice that sat behind you every Wednesday and tried to interrupt you every time you were offering an explanation during class. It was the best way you had found to get through those first few months with him.

But it wasn't all that simple, especially when you and James started a friendship that developed into something a little more serious just before the Christmas holidays. Like any other relationship where two people are attracted to each other the search for intimacy is normal and ordinary, during the third year of university you were lucky that your roommate was practically a ghost and you found the best place to have your own intimacy, because obviously you didn't know why Tony Stark was always in his bedroom, and when he wasn't he used to appear at the most inopportune moments, and worst of all without knocking.

"Are you crazy?" you exclaimed, hiding under the covers. "Don't you know how to knock?!"

"Oh, come on! It's nothing I haven't seen before," he said throwing himself on his bed. "Don't worry about me, I don't care."

At those moments you didn't know whether to get up and cross his face or just not show up there anymore, because things didn't stop there, he used to drag out the subject at hand and make inappropriate comments to you in class, such as "I hope you used protection" or "you forgot your bra" or "if you need any advice you know you can ask me for it". It was quite frustrating, because there was little you could do about it, just ignore him or else he would come over the top.

Apart from that everything seemed to work perfectly with James, or at least that's what it seemed to you, the two months that you had been together things were coming together without forcing them, you met every now and then to go out to eat, you took advantage of the moments you were alone to study and sometimes things generated moments of intimacy, it was the closest thing you had had to a love relationship, although your experience was very basic in that matter in question. So basic that you barely understood a lot of things and you could be very naive about anything to do with social relationships.

Discussions started to become your daily routine, they all came hand in hand because of your clashing characters, he used to have a very evolved social life, three times a week, he even skipped some classes because of the hangover that the night before he had self-inflicted, although you accepted his lifestyle, you didn't share it at all and his constant initiatives to integrate you in his environment didn't usually turn out as he expected. So a constant back and forth ensued from then on, which brought out a character you didn't like.

You began to hear rumours, which you tried to avoid, so as not to get caught in the net. These rumours ranged from whether James had hooked up with Nancy Skelton the night before to whether he had taken her to his room. So every time you sought an explanation he seemed to find himself sufficiently unwilling to offer one. The same thing happened on Valentine's Day.

You had been ignoring the rumours that were torpedoing your ears for two weeks, James had sworn and swore to you that nothing that was going around the halls of the college was true, that he hadn't done anything with anyone at the frat party. You, like an innocent fool, accepted his words, letting yourself be carried away by those green eyes that knew how to make your legs tremble. So that meant that the Valentine's dinner was still on. It was the first time you had bought a dress for a special occasion on your own, you didn't choose to take risks, black was always welcome and straps too, although you really did take risks with the neckline, and with the reddish lipstick. In short, you wanted me to discover that you could also become Nancy Skelton for a night, but apparently I didn't feel like checking it out. You waited for twenty minutes in your room for him to come and get you, but you thought something must have happened, so you headed off to find out for yourself.

Again, as if you were in a circus attraction, and you were the main attraction, you rushed through the corridors of the male dorm with whistles, sexist comments and cheers behind you. It was Thursday night, which meant that the party had started early that evening and most of them had traded blood for alcohol. You knocked on the door, waited a few seconds but no one answered, knocked again, but the case was ignored so you tried to turn the doorknob, but to your surprise the room was locked.

"What the hell?" you asked yourself.

Totally confused you look at your wristwatch, expecting to have got the time wrong, but no, it was 8:35 p.m. just thirty-five minutes later than you had arranged. You stood there for a couple of minutes waiting for him to appear out of nowhere, but the most you could find was one of his mates running past you in his underwear.

"Hey! Do you know where James Barton is?" you exclaimed trying to find an answer.

"In the common room!" he shouted without turning to look at you.

Looking like a complete idiot for not having considered that fact you walked back through the hallway in embarrassment in the direction of the common room, from where laughter, shouting and anything else that involved a group of boys with beer bottles around them was emanating. When you appeared through the door frame there was little time for your presence to be noticed.

"What have we got here?!"

"Oh my god, is this my birthday present?"

"Shut your mouths you idiots!" James stood up from his seat and walked towards you, with a subtle wobble in his body and his eyes completely rolled back in his head. "Is it time already?"

"It's actually been forty minutes," your arms were still crossed preventing his body from approaching yours. You could smell the stench of beer all over him, even his shirt was stained with a few drops.

"All right, all right," he said abandoning the bottle on a bookshelf. "Let's go."

Unable to hold on, and under the watchful eyes and laughter of his companions he offered you his arm, but lost his balance and fell to the ground, right at your feet. You took a deep breath and began to let it out very slowly, but you barely flinched, you couldn't believe what was happening to you at that moment. James tried to get up as best he could and stood back up in front of you, pulling his shirt back on.

"Come on," he made a second attempt.

"No, no James," you said in the most serious tone you could rescue from your broken insides. "I'm not going anywhere with you. But you know what, I bought a dress, shaved my legs, and put makeup on. I refuse to be stood up. So I'm going to take advantage of the reserve we have." You uncrossed your arms for the first time and pointed your finger at him. "Ah! And in case you haven't made it clear, it's over between us."

The cheers went up like you'd just scored a touchdown in the middle of the national finals, but you just kept your composure and got out of the place as quickly as possible. You were so pissed off about the situation, as well as yourself, that you felt the sting running through your veins. You asked yourself over and over again how you had been so stupid as to get into this situation, you, but you couldn't find a coherent answer. You assumed that smoke must be billowing from your head as you cut your way through the labyrinthine corridors to get out of the building as quickly as possible, but just around the corner the one person who could complicate things appeared.

"Hey!" he exclaimed behind you, picking up his pace and coming up beside you. "I was thinking, why go to dinner alone when you can have good company?"

You turned your head to the right, flashing him the most incoherently terrified look you could extract from yourself at the moment, but Tony didn't seem to care enough because even that didn't stop his grin from being wiped off his face.

"Are you kidding me?" your footsteps were rather light. "Oh, of course not! Do you really think I'll accept you coming to dinner with me?"

"Do you have someone better to go with?" his arrogance was pushing you over the edge.

"Of course! Me, alone," you said walking down the steps of the dorm and stepping outside.

"Really, by yourself on the most romantic night of the year, in a small Bistro in downtown Boston?" he said without breaking away from you. "That sounds really sad," he paused. "Do you have a car?"

"Welcome to the world, I don't need a man to go out to dinner whenever I feel like it and there are taxis," you walked as if you were going to miss the train of your life.

"Alright!" Tony definitely seemed to give up and fall in behind you, "See ya!"

You were so upset at the time that the only thing on your mind was to head for the campus taxi rank, and so you did. You were lucky that there were a couple of taxis waiting, so it didn't take you more than fifteen minutes to get to the door of the Bistro, located in the centre of Boston. The place was really charming to anyone's eyes, its round tables were perfectly placed to offer a cosy dinner to any of its diners. The candles offered that romantic air that anyone could want on that night of the year, and the aroma of traditional dishes was wafting from inside, whetting anyone's appetite.

You looked outside through the glass windows to see the couples who seemed to be enjoying a really lovely evening, it was at that moment that your spirited idea seemed to wane, for now it didn't seem to make much sense to go inside and dine completely alone under the watchful eyes of the waiters who wondered what had happened to put you in such a situation. The metre who stood at the door waiting to receive his customers watched you, for you were only a few feet away from him.

"Do you wish to wait inside, miss?" he asked with a pleasant smile.

"No, I..." you shook your head as if to leave.

"I'm here baby," a hand took hold of your waist. "Sorry it took me so long, it's impossible to park in this area."

As you heard that voice and felt that hand on your waist you knew immediately who it was, caramel coloured eyes accompanied by a wide smile were looking at you right next to you, you were about to give him a push if it wasn't for the fact that that metre opened the access door to the place and the last thing you wanted was to make a scene in the middle of the street.

"Did you have a reservation?" asked the waiter, checking the list.

"Yes, under the name of James Barton," said Tony, barely letting you speak.

"By all means, follow me," he began walking among the diners arriving at a small round table just outside the window, where he didn't take a second to light the candle that adorned the table. "Will you have something to drink in the meantime?"

"Yes, what wine do you recommend?" his way of waving his hand embarrassed you, he seemed to want to pretend to be knowledgeable.

"Oh, we have a Château Montrose, which goes perfectly with the meat tastings," he informed her.

"Perfect," nodded Tony, opening the menu.

As quickly as the waiter left, your attitude changed, expressing all your feelings with your face.

"Are you crazy?" you whispered, leaning towards him so that no one else could hear you. "Do you have any idea what that wine might be worth? But more importantly, what the hell are you doing? What are you doing here? What is this?"

"Oh come on, you know if I hadn't come you'd be back in college right now, don't you?" he cocked his head to the side and smiled at you, "Besides, the wine and dinner is on me, just enjoy the night."

"Enjoy the night? With you? Really?" you frowned, it was unbelievable to you that this was happening, but at least he'd had the courtesy to ditch those rock band t-shirts he used to wear and that messy hair, he'd shown up in a white shirt and black peg trousers.

The wine soon arrived and you'd be lying if you said it didn't help the dinner go more smoothly, allowing you to chat like two normal people. You found it hard to let go of that stubborn attitude you have inside you, but when you managed to put it aside you came to discover that Tony could be a lot of fun, even if he didn't share your sense of humour. You spent two hours discovering similarities in each other and also many differences, but it was a fruitful conversation, for the candle that lit the centre of your table was gone. You surprised yourself by observing more than once the features of his face, his honey-coloured hazel eyes, his upturned nose, his full lips and the way he smiled that seemed to bring out your colours every time he did it. But you blamed it all on the bottle of wine you had finished between the two of you.

When they brought the bill he barely allowed you to look at it, as he deposited his american express and smiled proudly at you.

"How about now...?"

"Shall we go back to campus?" you cut him off by stepping outside with a smile you couldn't keep off your face and pink cheeks.

"Well, actually, I was thinking..."

"I'm exhausted," you cut him off again, draping your jacket over your shoulders. "Besides, we have a class first thing in the morning."

" Okay!" he exclaimed in a melodious tone shoving his hands into his pockets. "Then we'll go back to campus."

In three minutes you found yourself sitting inside a red Porsche, which was going at a speed well above what you were used to. From the speakers came the sound of the Australian rock band AC/DC, but without knowing why Tony stopped the music.

"What's wrong?" you asked looking at him quizzically.

"I thought you didn't like it," he shrugged. "You were very quiet."

"First of all, I was listening, I like it," you began, "and secondly, in case I didn't like it you don't have to indulge me, this isn't a date, or anything like that."

"All right," he gave a half-smile and turned the music back on. "So this isn't a date..."

You smiled quizzically at his last words, trying to assume that it had been the alcohol that had given you that little smile and not your subconscious that seemed rather pleased by the last two hours you had spent together. During the drive you couldn't help but laugh when you discovered his imitations of Angus Young, the lead guitarist of the band you were listening to. But the situation changed when the Porsche pulled up right in front of your dorm, but before you had even taken off your seatbelt your door was open and Tony's hand was waiting to help you out.

"Thank you..." you whispered a little reluctantly. "Oh, you don't need to come with me, I think it's rather late, so I'd better..."

" Okay," he nodded smiling, again that wry smile that you knew was going to cause you to either want to come along or not.

"Alright," you said giving up and walking towards the inside of the building. "Don't even think about making a sound."

"Please, I'm all grave," he said behind you as you walked up the stairs, but he didn't keep his word as a stumble caused the sound to bounce all over the stairwell.

"Tony..." you reproached him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he raised his hands in his defence.

Within a minute you had reached the door leading to your room and the awkward moment of saying goodbye was upon you, face to face.

"Okay, well... I guess thank you very much for... dinner and for walking me to the door," you nodded without knowing why in a slightly nervous tone.

"It's been my pleasure," he bowed, his voice sounding utterly confident, the opposite of yours.

"Great... so, I'll see you in class tomorrow," you rummaged through your bag to find your room key and when you had it in your hand and looked back up at him you discovered Tony's gesture biting his bottom lip, so your mouth let out, "or maybe..."

Why the hell had you blurted out those three words, 'Or maybe...' 'Or maybe what?' Your unconscious was working and coming alive in you, your inner self was saying that you didn't want to part with him so soon and that you couldn't wait for him to come into the room with you.

"Or maybe?" a half-smile came to life on his face, showing you part of his tongue running subtly across his upper lip that made your heart race. But finding that you didn't know what to say in that instant, he added, "Are you inviting me in?"

"I..." you looked a little hesitant, but found the courage to face the situation, "Only if... you feel like it."

There was a few moments of silence in which your wives seemed to be electrified.

"All right, but first I think you should know something," he added, breaking the moment of sexual tension that had built up. "The James rumours are true. I caught him and Nancy in our bedroom," he paused and tucked back a strand of hair that had come loose. "I should have told you before."

Why did you feel as if you knew deep down that this event was true? Maybe because it only took you three months of being with James to find out what he was really like, a total prick. But the funny thing is that when you took in those words, the sexual tension returned, making you forget everything he'd told you.

"Okay," you nodded with a blank stare, "So does that mean you don't want to come in?"

Again he made that arrogant smile present again that even as he brought his face close to yours to catch your lips did not disappear. He wrapped his arms tightly around your waist, crushing your body against the wooden door, preventing you from escaping from that place if you were planning to do so. It was really infuriating, to have his lips between yours and still feel the need to have him closer. You were so lost that the key slipped from your fingers, catching Tony's attention and he opted to pull away from you and bend down for it, you hated those seconds, but instantly you discovered his hands roaming the nakedness of your legs along with his lips rediscovering that new area.

"Come on Tony," you begged, resting your hand on the doorknob so as not to give in to his touch as it slowly crept up your thighs. "Open the door."

With a small nibble on the inside of your left thigh he pulled himself back up to your height to force your lips together as he tried his best to open the door as best he could in the dark. You felt the door offer you passage into a room dimly lit by the moonlight coming through the window. Tony closed the door behind you regardless of the noise he made in doing so.

" Damn it, Tony," you said, pulling away from him.

He took the opportunity to pull your dress up to your waist and wrap your legs around his waist to direct you towards your bed. The position is really intimate, but your head wasn't in the right place to dwell on it at the moment, there was practically nothing romantic about what was happening or what was going to happen in a few minutes. During the ride you opted to get rid of the black dress that seemed to be burning your skin by dropping it to the floor, revealing your naked body only covered by a pair of black panties.

"Shit. Cupid just shot me in the ass with an arrow!" he exclaimed finding his gaze at the level of your breasts.

Tony's body collapsed on the mattress, unable to take his eyes off your body, he maintained an upright, seated position, straddling him. Your gazes connected, in your eyes there was nothing but tension and lust, the passion of two young university students who needed to let off steam as soon as possible. However, inside you both hid a sense of nervousness that you kept from coming out.

Although you'd had sex with James before, you weren't exactly an expert on the subject, but something inside you was working, making it seem like you had no problem with it. In Tony's case you had heard things, but you didn't know how much of it was true or not. Still, Tony's kisses trailing his mouth down your neck were methodical, the way he brushed his tongue, bit into your neck and finished by pressing a soft kiss seemed to transport you to paradise, just as it did him, as you could see it in the hardness forming between your folds. A moan escaped your lips causing your hips to move gently to feel more firmly what was hidden in his trousers.

"Oh, god, do that again," Tony uttered against your ear in a completely gnawed tone of voice.

As if it was a command you were incapable of refusing, you did it again. His hands gripped your thighs firmly and his lips lingered on your breasts for the first time, brushing his lower lip over your right nipple, letting his intense breathing fan it. Your back arched bringing your breasts closer against his mouth, likewise your fingers found themselves stirring his hair. Tony simply played with his tongue against you offering equal attention to both breasts, making sure it was pleasurable, and he assumed he was succeeding thanks to the sounds coming from inside you.

Your hips kept making circular motions pressing against him trying to relieve the need that had built up in your core. Tony seemed to feel the same need so he parted his lips from your breasts and made a sudden movement grabbing your waist and trying to flip you over on the bed, trying because in the process he caused your head to hit the bedside table next to the mattress.

"Shit!" he exclaimed with a surprised look on his face, but your reaction generating a giggle in you, calmed him down expressing a smile. "I'm sorry, baby."

"It's okay," you say finally taking the position he wanted, lying down on the bed and finding Tony's body on top of yours.

You feel his lips moving over your skin again as he undoes his shirt, uncovering every part of his back with your fingertips. Your whole body was being a mess, the path of his tongue was heading south, his fingertips formed circles around your navel and his mouth had a clear direction, you felt it when his fingers brushed the top of your panties. All you could do was keep your eyes closed with your head on the pillow, bite your lower lip to stop the curses coming from inside you and press your legs against each other.

"Open your legs," he whispered against your skin and then placed a kiss on your lower belly, making all your nerves want to explode. "I'll be gentle, promise."

You feel those words crash against your skin, and as if they were a switch they are able to make your legs open subtly giving way to the fabric of your underwear sliding down your thighs. Tony decides to take his time until he manages to extract them through your feet as he doesn't take his eyes off your completely naked body exposed before him. He slid his fingers around the inside of your legs to again run his lips up and down them so that his hands were free to free himself from your trousers.

"Do you have...?" he asked moving his kisses up your thighs.

"What...?" the word almost came as a plea from your lips.

"Condoms," he said against your skin.

Something in your brain clicked, bringing you back to consciousness in those moments, you lifted your head off the pillow and looked directly into Tony's eyes that were practically over your core in those moments.

"Are you telling me you don't have any condoms?" you asked with a frown, a little gruff at the situation you were in.

"Well, I wasn't really planning on ending the night like this," he lifted his face with a smile from between your thighs, but as he watched your head fall frustratingly against the pillow he added, "Okay honey, don't worry, I'll take care of everything."

As quickly as he uttered those words he managed to get your lower limbs onto his shoulders, meeting again between your thighs. That was the first time you discovered what lips on your clitoris felt like. Your frustration was fully replaced by pleasure, a pleasure that made every part of your body tremble. You really didn't know how you could have missed this for so long. Your hands were fixed on either side of your body gripping the sheet tightly, but there came a point when you couldn't let him pull away from you, so you curled your fingers in his hair. Right now you had Tony Stark kissing and licking your most intimate part and all you could think about was that his movements wouldn't stop.

"Please... Don't stop," you urged between moans, feeling two fingers thrust inside you at your words.

You find yourself in complete disbelief, you're a mess, and you can't help but open your eyes and look at the one causing the disaster, who just like you was a complete mess against your intimacy. That action, along with the speed of his movements inside you and his moans against you, causes all your senses to connect and decide that the time has come to explode. You drop your head back down onto the pillow, arching your back in an attempt to establish a closer connection with him. You're exhaling, screaming his name between your moans without thinking about who might hear you. He continues to consume you, sucking you in as he brings you to full orgasm. Your limbs slowly manage to steady their movements, until the euphoria inside you ends with a soft moan.

Tony subtly withdraws his fingers from inside you as he leaves his wet kisses around your thighs, searching for your gaze amidst the mess of sheets that existed around you at that moment. He finds himself climbing up your body, kissing every part of it gently until he reaches your face where he catches your lower lip between his teeth.

"I told you, I'll take care of everything," he added with a half-smile. "And I think I've managed to exceed expectations."

"It's possible," you kissed him again finding your breathing much calmer. "That means it's my turn now."

With more skill than he did, you were able to get his body underneath yours in an instant, causing his tongue to come out and lick his upper lip. It was obvious that he was tremendously proud of the job he had just done, thanks to how well you had let him know with your facial and guttural expressions. But now it was your moment, discovering that your needs had not yet been fully satisfied and that you had a burning need inside you to feel him in you. Your kisses moved from his lips to his neck, taking on the taste of his perfume. You exerted just enough pressure with your teeth to profess from his throat his sweet gasps that were filling you with madness.

The path of your kisses was present on his chest, which rose and fell because of his accelerated breathing. He was soft, sweat was present on him from the previous exertion, but you hardly thought that fact mattered to you. Your tongue had reached his lower abdomen with great skill, the evidence of which was that Tony had chosen to lose eye contact with your actions and now looked a complete mess biting his knuckles. If it had been any other time you would have enjoyed the scene in front of your eyes causing him to beg, but he had been so good to you and you were so eager to kiss what was hidden by his briefs that you wasted little time in sliding the fabric down his thighs and releasing his erection.

You had been in that situation only once before in your life, so you opted for a marked subtlety in bringing your lips to his tip and licking it clean of his pre-cum. Luckily for you the noises coming from Tony were a map for your movements. you just start by testing the ground, tasting it, feeling it deep in your throat.

"Don't stop, whatever you do. I like that, a lot," his hand wrapped through the strands of your hair as his gaze focused on you.

Those words ignite your movements, you circle his shaft with one hand, accompanying the movements, you find that it intensifies his panting and generates a slight movement in his hips that causes him to thrust his erection deeper against your throat. You bring your free hand to his hips instilling a show of confidence and acceptance of his thrusts, which causes Tony to increase his speed.

"Shit, I'm so close, keep going -," his frantic tone could barely finish the sentence.

You felt the hand disappear from your head allowing you to withdraw right then and there, but his desperation was also shared by you, and just as you had orgasmed against his lips as you couldn't hold him inside you wanted to feel him as much as possible. Throbbing moments later inside your throat, accompanied by curses accompanied by your name coming from inside Tony. His hand returned to its proper place, dropping subtly to your head, enticing you to follow his movements.

Your lewd movements stopped over time as you noticed his limbs returning to their normal function and his breathing resumed its normal rhythm. You withdrew, offering her a soft kiss on the tip, and connected your gaze with hers, which strangely seemed a little embarrassed.

"I hope the walls are thick," you commented with an arched eyebrow.

He merely took in your smiling face and intertwined his fingers with yours to bring you closer to his height. He placed your bodies sideways, intertwining your legs, and with his fingertips he wiped the droplets of saliva from around your lips.

"So... would you say I've exceeded expectations too?" you asked, caressing his bare arms.

"I don't know," he said hesitantly. "I need more than one round to find out."

His half-smile lifted again, in no doubt that that had been the best sexual experience he'd had to date, because not all rumours are true.

Taglist Open (DM)

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[im-no-jedi]

it’s time once again for self insert AU shenanigans that literally no one asked for, starring TBB!✨

since the hyperfixation is STRONG with this one, I figured it was time to make some art, especially since I’m almost definitely never sharing any of my fics related to this AU publicly hahaha

basically, little ol’ me unintentionally gets caught in the middle of some shady business that the boys are trying to thwart, which leads to them having to take me with them, which is cool cause the Empire basically took my home away from me right before I met them (and even within the SW universe, I am a Clone Trooper fangirl, so yeah, of COURSE I’m gonna follow these guys ROFL), and after some ✨shenanigans✨ they bring me to Cid and she gives me a job at her parlor (along with an apartment she was using for storage that she no longer needs conveniently haha). domesticity ensues AKA the boys finally have a place to shower and someone to cook food for them every night 😁

for those who are curious, here’s a summary of my relationship with each of the boys plus the best girl:

Hunter (Mister Vigilance): do I even need to say it?? 😂 basically, during my initial encounter with the boys, Hunter saves my life and I am completely smitten from that point forward. he in turn sees how well Omega and I get along, plus he feels bad for me because of everything I’ve lost and I have literally nothing except what’s in my trusty bag (the bag is important to the story ok TRUST ME), so he quickly goes into “MUST PROTECC” mode, followed by “what are these Feelings™”, and topped off with “hey Omega would you like a big sister” LOL. there is much mutual pining and playful flirting, but it takes forever for things to become “official”, which is irrelevant because literally everybody just assumes we’re married when they see us together 😆

Tech and Echo (Smarty Pants and Handy Man): I’ve lumped them together cause I have a pretty similar relationship to both of them. they’re both my source of infinite knowledge, as well as my emotional support group. I’ll always turn to one of them first whenever I have a problem. they’ll be the ones to set me straight most of the time and give me words of wisdom. Tech is more blunt about stuff, where as Echo tries to at least soften the blows LOL. reciprocally, I’m always willing to listen to whatever they wanna tell me, which thrills both of them (mostly Tech 😆). they tell me stories about the war and what being a soldier is like, and I always end up crying about it hahaha. I admittingly confide more in Echo than Tech (more than anyone else actually), but I love both of my nerd bros very much 💙

Wrecker (Big Boy): MY CHAOTIC TEDDY BEAR BRO 🥰 similar to Hunter, Wrecker has a moment where he gets me out of a bad situation during our first meeting, and that becomes a running theme between us to the point where he will ALWAYS be the one to Protecc when something tries to threaten me (even if Hunter beats him to it, he’ll be the secondary protective wall haha), and I will similarly defend him and watch his back when he needs it. we definitely enable each other’s chaotic natures and are always joking around and having fun; he, Omega, and I basically form our own little chaos crew, which drives the others crazy LOL. if I’m sad or scared, he’ll be the first one to try and cheer me up. there are many hugs and squeezes. we are v cute 🥰

Omega (Baby Girl): the one who brought us all together! I met Omega first, and we instantly bonded. she was the one who convinced Hunter to bring me along with them, and ever since then, she and I have treated each other like sisters (even going so far as to eventually start calling each other “sister” or just “sis”). of course, like Hunter, I also have a parental relationship with her, but I’ll more often than not be on her side versus Hunter’s whenever they have conflicts haha. our first encounter involved a lot of Omega leading me around by the hand, so that becomes a recurring thing between us; she and I are seen holding hands even more than me and Hunter 😆 we also bond a lot over the fact that she and I both are uneducated about a lot of things; we learn how to fly the Marauder together, how to fire a blaster together, and stuff like that. she’s waaaaaay more talented than I am of course, which is fine cause she’s my precious baby sister/daughter that I would die for 🥰 oh, she also sleeps over at my place like, all the time. we love having sleepovers. and going grocery shopping together. and doing fun girly stuff that she doesn’t get to do with her bros💙

Crosshair (Grumpy Puss): oh boy... I honestly don’t have much to say about this yet. I don’t come into the story until around the time of episode 10, so we don’t even see each other until the events of the season finale (which is SUPER brief, like literally the end of the last episode LOL). I know all about him thanks to the others tho, so I’m on the same page as them in wanting him to rejoin the family. but beyond that... I’m kinda waiting to see how season 2 plays out before deciding anything else. idek if Crosshair is going to maintain his commander position in S2, so... yeah. I definitely have ideas tho. many ideas. most of them involving jealous!Crosshair Imeanwhutwhosaidthat 😋

the only others I have a significant relationship with are Cid, Bolo, and Ketch. Cid is my boss, first and foremost, and much like with the boys, she has no problem being blunt and apathetic towards me. she does value my services tho, and she’s definitely willing to defend me if necessary (writing out the events of episode 13 was a BLAST lemme tell ya LOL). and as for Bolo and Ketch, I’m almost like a babysitter for them most of the time, constantly cleaning up their messes and breaking up their squabbles. they’re very nice to me tho, and I interact with them a LOT since they’re always in the parlor. they’d never tell Cid, but they prefer how I prepare their drinks LOL

and that’s it! ...for now✨ 

[chaoticdisater]

I am eighteen and watching Phineas and ferb the movie: Candace against the universe, so here are my thoughts on it

- we stan a song, Ahhhh, i love this already

- a PLATYPUS robot, yes, 

- “see how i used “vacuum” as both a transitive verb and an abstract concept” “ah I see what you did there you used “vacuum” as a noun and a weapon” 

- Vanessa being a chill friend is what i didn't realize i needed in my life, also how old are Candace and Vanessa, 

- OKAY i didn't need THERAPY RIGHT NOW THANKS

- Carl i missed you, i didn't realize that i missed you but i did and now your back,

- its been like five minuets and ferb has already said more lines then in the origanel show

- Baljeet my boy, your a little smarty pants, we love you my boy, 

- get your self some friends who would go to an alien planet to save your sibling with you, 

- is this the first time Docter doof and the boys have talked? 

- DOOF is a Virgo????

- “its branding leave me alone” when you get absolutely recked by a kid 

- i also would have gotten the smoothie before the aliens got me. 

- “hey i don’t come down to where you work and tell you how to sell cupcakes” 

- Perry's song!!!!!!

- PETER ARE YOU FLOSSING ON US RIGHT NOW! SIR

- i love the small update of them getting smart phones even though its still technically 2007 for them 

- this is still really funny and like i didn't think it would be as funny as i remembered it being when i was a kid but its still super funny

- i love these dancing aliens, they are like there own vibe 

- i think Candace has been offered as a human sacrifice before so, its completely far for her to assume that she would be one 

- so really all this movie so fair is about how Candace is being ignored in place of her super smart brothers who get away with everything are extremely lucky and her finally getting to be special, because I feel her

- its so meta the people had fun writing this and you can tell

then me and my friend had an hour long conversation about the umbrella academy and i paused the movie for it, oops

- candace getting an adult mentor who belives her?? who? what? 

- doof your never the grown up. you have litlary never been a grown up, your fighing with a 12 year old, (younger probly) 

- doof I’m 18 and i don’t know what you mean, could you explain 

-why cant he change a tire? hes a robotic dude

- the couple!!! oh you know what i mean 

- Thomas sanders!!! my boy your here, 

- a power balled yes, lets do this oh NO 

- as an older sibing i have felt the feeling of waning to just send my sibling away, and the fact that Phines reconnes that he didnt evem realise that she was upset. 

- candace my girl, thats never a good sigh, 

- “oh we dont need a reason we’re afraid of a lot of things.” yeah know some people like that you vibe alien, cower in that corner

- Buford was like ‘i will bring my canoe with me everywhere incase i need it” 

- phineas really had to motivated a group of cowardly people and for that i am sorry, 

- so this plant needs carbon dixocide, 

- yeah i was right carbon dixoced

- this alien is really acting like the US would shoot them down the moment they saw them in there air space, 

- so no one knows what happen to Vanessa right? like where is she? 

- oh there we are

- when your dad lets you keep the dragon 

- they couldn't help but throw them self in the film could they, oh well, i like it, hello Dan, hello swampy 

- this chicken replace anotr is coming in handy 

- alright doof just suggest actual murder, it was of a chicken but still. 

- the canoe, when phineas says it we trust him, he can do what ever he wants

- Perry and doof just chilling with Vanessa just petting her dragon in the back 

- bajeet being me @ who ever desired that i would never get a season two of Yuri on ice, 

- guys, when word got out that there was aliens, (witch we all have smart phones) the US would be nuked, 

- candace sweet heart the world is under attack right now, so, maybe we should have this desucion later

- the boys are so sweet, they ah, they just love there sister so much

- the mug holds all there memories of there sister, aw thats so cute, this is so cute, 

- when you save the universe by give out free tee shirts

- woman holding her brothers hostage not the best idea, 

- I DIDNT ASK FOR THERAPY RIGHT NOW I KNOW THAT MY SELF WORTH ISNT VERY GOOD BUT IM ALSO WATCHING A CARTOON FOR 10 YEARS OLD AS AN EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD AT ONE AM 

- oh damn, its little shop up in this bitch

- doofs most useful invention was the chicken replace inator, 

- wait wait wait wait candace wont in be on the news or something? 

- dance break, its a bop 

- aw it was a pretty good film, i liked that, 

[zrtranscripts]

Radio Abel, Season Eight

Part 5 of 5

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I don't know if it's just because New Canton's at the center of the government in the UK -

ZOE CRICK: I'm still getting used to that.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: - but now that I think about it, people do seem to be putting more effort into the way they dress these days.

ZOE CRICK: I've noticed that. For a while, I thought it was because people wanted to spruce themselves up for the royal visits, but King Jamie hasn't been visiting as much since Amelia left for... for whatever it is she's doing, and people are still looking rather flamboyant.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: One of the cooks makes his own hats out of food wrappers.

ZOE CRICK: Exactly. People are having fun, and they're less worried about looking cool than they were before the apocalypse.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I think those hats are cool!

ZOE CRICK: That's the point. Taste is much more subjective now. [laughs] We don't have TV or newspapers, and it still takes half an hour to send a picture over ROFFLEnet, so it's harder to follow trends. People are using their imaginations instead.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Speaking of imagination, here's a track by someone with lots of it.

~

ZOE CRICK: Maybe Z-Day’s made self-expression more important, not less. We can't control the V-types, and we might be confined to our settlements most of the time, but we can decide how we look, so people go to great lengths to execute their vision. It's like how women in pre-apocalyptic prisons used to improvise cosmetics out of Smarties and shoe polish.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: How do you know what women used to do in prison?

ZOE CRICK: Oh, I was talking to Maxine about it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Dr. Maxine has been to prison?!

ZOE CRICK: No, she... [sighs] That's not the point. I'm saying that for a lot of people, clothes, hair, and makeup are important creative outlets now that we're restricted in other ways. They also help people feel normal, now that -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: - now that V-types are roaming across the UK.

ZOE CRICK: Exactly.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [sighs] Here's a song to make us all feel a bit more normal.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Imagine if Vogue was still in print. Do you think they'd employ zombie models?

ZOE CRICK: Yeah, with headlines like, “Gray is the New Black.” [laughs] They might struggle to find advertisers.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Okay, business side might be a bit tricky to sort out. What about the editorial?

ZOE CRICK: They'd have post-apocalyptic fashion tips.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: “The Best Looks to Scavenge this Season.”

ZOE CRICK: “Make Your Own Makeup.”

PHIL CHEESEMAN: “10 Ways to Wear a Sports Bra.”

ZOE CRICK: Not sure about that one, Phil.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Okay, yeah, there’s probably just one way to wear a sports bra.

ZOE CRICK: As far as I know.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: The other ideas were good, though. Well, maybe we should think of other style tips for our listeners.

ZOE CRICK: Why not? [laughs] Here's a song to get our creative juices flowing.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Listeners, Zoe and I tried to come up with fashion tips, but this isn't our area of expertise.

ZOE CRICK: Speak for yourself.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: All your ideas involve drawing cats on things.

ZOE CRICK: That's not true. I also suggested embroidering cats on things.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: My point, listeners, is that maybe Zoe and I could use your help. Send us your post-apocalyptic fashion tips.

ZOE CRICK: We'll be sharing them right after this.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Welcome back to Radio New Hope, where we're sharing tips on how to stay stylish in the zombie apocalypse.

ZOE CRICK: A lot of the suggestions we've had so far come from runners who need to be able to move quickly, evade zoms, and stay comfortable on long runs.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You might think, as I did only a few minutes ago, that running is not compatible with expressing yourself through fashion, but you'd be wrong.

ZOE CRICK: Indeed, there are lots of ways to have fun with your running gear that don't affect speed or safety. Even if you're out by yourself and no one else can see you, a little bit of flare can lift your mood and make you feel more like yourself.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Running On Sunshine suggests, “Novelty shoe laces are a fun way of adding color to your running outfit. You can often loot them from the children's section of sports or shoe shops, but they're also easy to make from a sturdy ribbon. Use a bit of tape or wax for the aglet.”

ZOE CRICK: Just be sure to tuck your new laces into your shoes the next time you visit the kitten pen.

~

ZOE CRICK: Today on Radio New Hope, we're taking suggestions on how to jazz up your running gear.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: This next step is one for more creative runners, and it comes from Art Rate.

ZOE CRICK: Art Rate?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, like heart rate, because they're a runner, but also an artist.

ZOE CRICK: [sighs] I don't know if we should be reading out people's usernames. We're just encouraging bad puns.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: This episode is about self-expression, Zoe, whatever form it takes, even terrible puns.

ZOE CRICK: Hmm. What does Art Rate have to say for themselves?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: “Decorate your running outfit with permanent marker, embroidery, and whatever embellishments you can get your hands on. As long as your number is still clearly visible to your comms operator, there's no limit to what you can do. Wearing something that truly reflects your personality can give you motivation on the most difficult runs.”

ZOE CRICK: That's a nice idea. I'll forgive the pun.

~

ZOE CRICK: Progressive Runner writes, “Hi Phil, where did you get a Dream Theater T-shirt? I'm also a fan of prog metal and have been on several runs to find old gig venues to see if there are any T-shirts left. Unfortunately, all I've found are hordes of zombified metal heads. I used to love a good mosh pit before the apocalypse, but it's just not the same when everyone's trying to bite you.”

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, first off Progressive Runner, please stop putting your life at risk in pursuit of merch. It's not worth it, and that's not what the bands would have wanted.

ZOE CRICK: Especially since they no longer make money from T-shirt sales.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Exactly, which is why I don't mind letting you know that my T-shirt is a fake. Before the apocalypse, touring musicians relied on the merch stand to support themselves, but now that most of them are dead, it's no longer unethical to make knock-offs.

ZOE CRICK: Did you make your T-shirt, Phil?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: One of Amelia's stylists did. She's very handy with the fabric paints.

ZOE CRICK: Oh? What did you give her in exchange?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I had to promise to play this next song.

~

ZOE CRICK: What's our next fashion tip, Phil?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, it's more of a PSA. “Hi Phil and Zoe, I run Support Network, a sports bra exchange service. We travel between settlements to provide runners with the best fitting sports bras. Simply visit our message board on ROFFLEnet, tell us which sizes your settlement has and which they need. It might take us a while to get to you, but we have a huge selection of style and color in every size. For some reason, post-apocalyptic Britain has no shortage of sports bras.” That's a great initiative, don't you think, Zoe? [keyboard clicks] Zoe?

ZOE CRICK: Sorry. I was just posting a request to their message board. Fellow sports bra wearers of New Canton, I suggest you do the same.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And while you do that, here's a song about sharing.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Our next post-apocalyptic style tip comes from In Stitches, who says, “Here are just a few reasons why knitting is one of the most valuable skills you can learn in the post apocalypse.”

ZOE CRICK: “One, you don't necessarily need to send runners off in search of equipment. Knitting needles can be whittled from sticks, and if your settlement has sheep, wool is a renewable resource.”

PHIL CHEESEMAN: “Two, the act of knitting has many cognitive, therapeutic, and - if you join a knitting circle - social benefits.”

ZOE CRICK: “Three, designing knitting patterns can be a great creative outlet, and since they can be conveyed using just symbols, they can be quickly shared over ROFFLEnet.”

PHIL CHEESEMAN: “Four, larger needles can double as anti-zom weapons, as long as you aim for the eyes and remember to clean the blood off them before you get back to your knitting. The last thing you want is to make an infectious jumper by mistake.”

ZOE CRICK: That's, uh, resourceful. We'll be back with more fashion right after this.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: If knitting's not your thing, our next correspondent has a great idea for making some stylish winter clothes. “Next time you're out on a supply run, make a detour to a toy shop and pick up some plushies. A little reverse taxidermy - "

ZOE CRICK: Oh no!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Plushies aren't real animals, Zoe.

ZOE CRICK: I know, but I couldn't look one in the eye and take out its stuffing.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh... our less sensitive listeners can use this method to generate bundles of fake fur, a versatile fabric that'll help you stay warm and, thanks to the pre-apocalyptic trend for cuddly unicorns, colorful.

ZOE CRICK: I think I'll stick with the knitting.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: If it makes you feel any better, no plushies were harmed in the making of this next song.

~

ZOE CRICK: Polished in the Apocalypse says that a manicure adds a splash of color to your running look without impeding your movement.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I'm surprised we didn't think of that one ourselves. One of Amelia's first acts as prime minister was to open a nail bar at New Canton.

ZOE CRICK: She was accused of extravagance at first, but it's actually become a community hub. People go there to relax and come away feeling a little more, well, polished.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I've only just noticed, Zoe, each one of your nails is a different color.

ZOE CRICK: I couldn't choose. Amelia reserves all the Chanel nail polish for herself, but there are still plenty of other varieties for the rest of us.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, the rest of us in New Canton, maybe. What about everyone else?

ZOE CRICK: Until Amelia makes nail bars mandatory for all settlements, why not grab a few bottles of nail polish the next time you're on a low stakes meds run to a chemist? Just be sure to apply it in a well-ventilated area.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: A word of caution now from Nine Fingers, who says, “Jewelry adds sparkle to any outfit and can be a great way of expressing your individuality, especially if you make your own. However, think twice before wearing it on a run. Necklaces are easy for zoms to grab, earrings can be torn out, and rings are a risk if you're using weapons. Trust me.”

ZOE CRICK: Oh dear.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Listeners, if you're fond of jewelry, maybe keep it for when you're safe in your settlement.

ZOE CRICK: That’s sound advice. Also - naming no names, Runner Thirty-Seven - don't scavenge jewelry off dead zombies, no matter how on fleek it is. You're asking to get infected. And on that note...

~

ZOE CRICK: It's not just jewelry that you can enjoy when you're not at risk of zombie attacks.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Loads of our listeners have written in to suggest items you can use if you'd like a more flamboyant settlement look.

ZOE CRICK: Silk flowers.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Craft supplies.

ZOE CRICK: Stickers.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Fridge magnets.

ZOE CRICK: Christmas decorations.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Basically, listeners, as long as you're not using something that might be better deployed for a more practical purpose, there's no limit to the fun you can have with your personal style.

ZOE CRICK: Speaking of fun, here's a song that always puts a smile on my face.

~

ZOE CRICK: Our last suggestion comes from Fairy Zom Mother, who writes, “No one has space for a large wardrobe anymore. That doesn't mean you can't wear something special if the occasion demands. It's nice to dress up once in a while, so why not implement a share and swap system at your settlement so people can borrow clothes, shoes, and accessories?”

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Wonder how long it would take to get that set up in New Canton. I've actually got a special evening planned soon.

ZOE CRICK: Ooh, is it a date?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Maybe? I'll tell you all about it during this next song.

~

ZOE CRICK: Um, I think the orange ones might be a bit much.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, and we're live.

ZOE CRICK: Sorry about that, listeners. Recently we've learned that there's a way for everyone to express themselves through fashion, even in the post-apocalypse, but we'd like to add that not everyone has to.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's right. Some people don't even bother to brush the cat hair off their jumper before they come to work, and that's just fine.

ZOE CRICK: The cat hair is a deliberate part of my aesthetic, Phil. Our point is that everyone's priorities have changed. Most dress codes died with the apocalypse and few of us mourn them. You're no longer likely to be turned down for a job because you couldn't get your hands on an expensive suit for the interview. Nowadays, people are valued for doing what they do best.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And on that note, let Zoe and I do what we do best and play you a song.

ZOE CRICK: Until next time, listeners.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hello again, citizens.

ZOE CRICK: Phil, before you say anything else, there's something important we need to discuss.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Is this about getting a pet for the show again? Because I thought we settled that.

ZOE CRICK: We haven't, but no, this is about something very upsetting I found on ROFFLEnet today.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, the Radio New Hope fanfic? Hmm. There's one of you and me being turned into zoms on air that is both deeply disturbing and shockingly well-written.

ZOE CRICK: Again, no. What I found is a thread on ROFFLEnet called “Radio New Hope Has Changed” full of people - well, full of two people - who think we've lost our touch. Look, Just_Saying_108 says, “It breaks my heart. Zoe and Phil aren't what they used to be.” And then Radio_No_Hope says, “It all started when they got into bed with Amelia.”

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I'm assuming in my case they mean metaphorically.

ZOE CRICK: Phil, we need to take this seriously. If our listeners aren't happy, we're not happy.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's only two people, Zoe.

ZOE CRICK: That's two too many.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Actually, I've got an idea.

ZOE CRICK: Wonderful, I knew you'd think of something. Tell me right after this.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Listeners, some of you think we've changed, and while change can be good, we want to make sure we're still giving you the content you deserve.

ZOE CRICK: That sounds vaguely threatening.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's why we're going to crowdsource our content again. I have reopened our inbox for suggestions on what Radio New Hope should do next. We're open to anything. Except turning zom on air.

ZOE CRICK: Phil, nobody's going to ask for that.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You haven't seen the comments on that Radio New Hope fanfic. Anyway, listeners, please send in your thoughts. Who knows? Your idea might become our next segment.

ZOE CRICK: We did get some great suggestions last time. It'll be good to round up some new ones.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Exactly! Now everyone put your thinking caps on, and here's a song to get you in a creative mood.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: All right, listeners, it's time to open the suggestion box and find out what you'd like to hear on Radio New Hope... Huh.

ZOE CRICK: Is that it? I thought we'd get a few more suggestions.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, maybe it's a sign we're not so bad after all.

ZOE CRICK: No, we can't get complacent. Some listeners aren't happy with us.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Two listeners.

ZOE CRICK: It's just that with all that ROFFLEnet talk of us having changed, I thought we'd get a bit more feedback. Still, we'll go with what we've got.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We need to drumroll first.

ZOE CRICK: Seriously?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: There are few things in life that can’t be improved with a drumroll. Scientific fact.

ZOE CRICK: Fine. Drumroll, please.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [mutters rapidly] Drumroll drumroll drumroll drum drum drum drum drum cymbal!

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Zom_Truther writes, “What if you ate some of that red fungus live on air? We know the prime minister is lying about the danger and hoarding it for herself.”

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, that's a bad idea. What did I say about us not turning zom on air?

ZOE CRICK: Yeah, Truther, we're not going to eat red fungus. Amelia isn't lying... about that, at least.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's right. And uh, please don't test your theory out for yourself.

ZOE CRICK: We'll be back with more of your hopefully less reckless suggestions after this song.

~

ZOE CRICK: Time for another look at our surprisingly meager suggestion box. Come on now, we know you have great ideas, so send them in. This one from Zombologist. “I love that doctor advice show - ”

PHIL CHEESEMAN: The Drs. Maxine and Paula one? Us, too. Listeners, if you're not tuning in to that show as well as ours, you're missing out.

ZOE CRICK: Definitely. Anyway, the letter says, “I love that doctor advice show, but they only focus on the bodies and minds of the living. What about the study of zombies? I think you should bring a zombie into the studio and do some tests. I have a few experiments in mind. See attached for details.”

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh... Oh, that's... Was that diagram the right way up? How would that even work?

ZOE CRICK: I'm not sure, but I think those are electrodes, or possibly poisonous snakes? Either way, Zombologist, we have a pretty strict no zoms in the studio policy.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What can we do? Hands tied.

ZOE CRICK: Much like the zom in that illustration, I think.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, that's about as close as I want to come to that scenario. Let's clear it from our minds with this song.

~

ZOE CRICK: Well listeners, a few more suggestions trickled in during that last song.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We are seriously considering some of the less extreme ones, such as an interview with King Jamie or a Z-Day retrospective.

ZOE CRICK: This one is from Inquiring_Mindz - with a Z, naturally. “What about a show that gives a look at the human side of politics?”

PHIL CHEESEMAN: So far, so good. At least there are no zombies involved.

ZOE CRICK: “I'd love for us to get a closer look at Prime Minister Spens’ flat. It must be lovely. She has marvelous taste, after all.”

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Let me see that. [paper rustles] “You could describe the art, the architecture, any documents that are lying around, the paint, the paint colors, any plans you might find in the drawers...”

ZOE CRICK: Come on now, Inquiring, you're asking us to spy on Amelia. Even if I did do that - which, of course, I wouldn't - there's no way I'd out myself by sharing it on air.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: How restrained of you.

ZOE CRICK: What can I say? I prefer not to incur the wrath of the most powerful woman in the country. Nice try, Inquiring, but we're broadcasters, not espionage agents. And that's all of them, right?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Right. Right, thanks to everyone for your suggestions. Uh, even the more... creative ones. Let's celebrate your ingenuity with this next number.

~

ZOE CRICK: You'll never guess what.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I'm sure I won't.

ZOE CRICK: You weren't a very funny child, were you? I went back on ROFFLEnet to see if that thread had more positive things to say about us now that we've been through the suggestion box. However, turns out I misinterpreted the whole thing.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: So people don't think Radio New Hope has changed for the worse?

ZOE CRICK: They do, but it's not the broadcasts they think have changed, it's us. They think we're doppelgängers.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Like Zoe and Phil's evil twins?

ZOE CRICK: Exactly. It's not clear if they think we've been brainwashed into thinking we're real Zoe and Phil or if we're in on it, but Radio_No_Hope says, “There's no way Amelia would allow a free press unless she could control it, and that means controlling Phil and Zoe.”

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, they do have a point, but ci-ti-zens, do not fear, we have not been replaced by ourselves.

ZOE CRICK: How do you know?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What do you mean, how do I know? I know who I am.

ZOE CRICK: Or do you? What if you just think you do? Listeners, we'll get to the bottom of it right after this next song.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Let me get this straight. You think I could have been replaced by a double without you noticing? You noticed when I changed my hair parting last month.

ZOE CRICK: Now that I think about it, that could have been a sign you were Phil 2.0.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hmm. If that's the case, anything could be a sign. How do I know you're not Evil Zoe?

ZOE CRICK: My name's still spelled with a Z. Evil Zoe would definitely swap out the Z for an X... I think.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You're not sure?

ZOE CRICK: Radio No Hope said it. There could be brainwashing involved.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: So let me get this straight. You think Amelia found doppelgängers of us?

ZOE CRICK: Or cloned us. Always a possibility.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Of course, and then she brainwashed said doppel-clones because - ?

ZOE CRICK: Because she wants to control the press. Although there might be an even more devious reason. We are talking about Amelia, after all. I'll think it over during this next song.

~

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Have you figured out why Amelia might possibly want to replace us with brainwashed clones?

ZOE CRICK: No. I mean, yes, but one of the reasons only works if we meet the clones, and the other one requires mint and a trampoline. I wonder if the fact that I can't figure it out is a symptom of the brainwashing.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's convenient.

ZOE CRICK: And I wonder when it began. Do you think it all started when Amelia gave us this hideous red furniture?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Green.

ZOE CRICK: What?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hideous green furniture.

ZOE CRICK: I don't know what you're talking about. The furniture is red. Maybe new Phil is colorblind?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You're kidding, right? It’s green.

ZOE CRICK: Am I kidding, or are you different now?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You know what? There's an easy way to settle this. I'm going to ask someone who has been in here what color the furniture is. Don't you move. Just, uh, play a song and I'll be right back.

[door opens]

ZOE CRICK: [giggles] Now that he's gone, listeners, between you and me, the couches are definitely green. I know that was a tiny bit rotten of me, but I couldn't resist. While we wait for Phil's triumphant return, here's a song that any version of me would love.

~

[door opens]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh my God, you're right.

ZOE CRICK: Right about what?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: About the doppelgängers. Everyone confirmed it. The furniture in here's red, but I see green, so I must be colorblind now. Maybe all clones are.

ZOE CRICK: Wait, who did you ask?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, Nadia, Runner Thirty-Seven. They said it's red. Now that I'm a clone, I wonder if I still like the same foods. Remind me, how do I feel about jam?

ZOE CRICK: You're... you're joking, right? Because the couches are green. I was just pulling your leg.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Wait, so you see them as green, too? Maybe we're both clones.

ZOE CRICK: I guess. I -

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Or maybe we're from an alternate reality, one where people don't play pranks on their lovely radio cohosts because they might get paid back in spades!

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] You - you almost had me going there! [sighs] Well, I guess I might have deserved it. A little.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: A little?

ZOE CRICK: Oh, no comment. All I can say is that I'm happy in this universe with the best cohost ever. This next song is for you, Phil, because you're one of a kind.

~

ZOE CRICK: That whole business with the doppelgängers has got me thinking, Phil.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Not again.

ZOE CRICK: No, not that we're clones or anything like that. I've been thinking about conspiracy theories. Do you think there are more of them now after Z-Day?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Probably. Look at all the things we've gone through. Uh, Sigrid, Moonchild, the Curly Wurly shortage. That's enough to make anyone a little paranoid.

ZOE CRICK: I don't know. I think maybe it's the opposite. All of the conspiracies since Z-Day were eventually exposed. Even if we were replaced by clones, someone would find out and tell people about it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: You have a point. Kind of reassuring in a way.

ZOE CRICK: I hope so. For the concerned ROFFLEnet folks, don't worry. If Phil and I are ever replaced by clones, you'll find out about it soon enough, probably from someone at Abel.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Very true. We're counting on you, Runner Five.

ZOE CRICK: And if the worst should occur, avenge us!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: But in the meantime, we hope all of you carry on enjoying Radio New Hope with the real Phil and Zoe. This one's for everyone who's dedicated to staying true to themselves.

~

[ejzah]

This one was suggested by @mashmaiden: Kensi teaches Deeks one of the many languages she knows - inspired by your ipa practice cuz in my head those go hand in hand.

***

Are you sure you want to do this?” Kensi asked as she joined Deeks on the couch and set a pile of books and papers in front of him.

“Definitely,” Deeks said confidently.

“Ok, but before we get started, remember that I’m not a teacher by any means. Just because I speak several languages doesn’t mean I’ll be any good at teaching them.”

“I have complete faith in you.”

“Alright, then I guess we should get started,” Kensi said, feeling a little reluctant. She was flattered that Deeks had asked her to help him learn Portuguese, but she severely doubted her abilities. Plus, she’d heard his attempts at Spanish and German, among other languages. “We can begin with a few common phrases.”

Deeks leaned back, effecting a relaxed pose and winked at her.

“Você é linda, amor da minha vida.”

“Oh, very good,” Kensi complimented him. He looked inordinately pleased with himself. Apparently he’d picked up a few things in the 10 years. “You got anything else, smarty pants?”

“Me chamo Deeks. Qual é o seu nome, Senhorita? Vamos comer pizza. Vamos comer tacos.”

“Somebody’s been paying attention.” It made sense that he’d picked up a little over the years, but she was still impressed. Although, his pronunciation left quite a bit to be desired.

“Love, pizza, and tacos are all very important things,” Deeks said reasonably. “And unfortunately therein lies my entire knowledge of the Portuguese language. Unless you want to order a bunch of random foods of dubious quantities or ask where to take your sick monkey.”

“Where on earth did you-?” Kensi shook her head, cutting herself off. It was likely something Callen or Sam had taught him as a prank. “Ok, so you have a few basics. Or at least enough to either get a date or get smacked.”

“Always my prerogative.”

“Anyway, I’m going to teach you two very important phrases: Não compreendo, which means ‘I don’t understand.’ And Alguém aqui fala inglês?, which means ‘Does anyone speak English?’

“No comprendo,” Deeks repeated confidently, glancing at Kensi for approval.

“That leaned a little towards Spanish, but overall very good,” Kensi critiqued. “Now try Alguém aqui fala inglês?”

“Algem aqui falo ingles.”

“Um, ok, let’s try that again,” Kensi said, rubbing the side of her head.

“What did I do wrong?” Deeks asked, not sounding offended, but more so eager to correct himself.

“Well, your vowels are kind of all over the place.”

“Say it for me again.” Kensi repeated the phrase again, this time more slowly, emphasizing the vowels and sounds that Deeks struggled with. They went back and forth like this for a few minutes until his pronunciation was more accurate.

“Ok, uh, maybe I should have used a different example,” Kensi said about a half an hour later after Deeks’ most recent attempt to use the phrase “I have a t-shirt.”

“What was it this time?” Deeks asked with a sigh. His positive attitude was waning ever so slightly.

“So, t-shirt is camiseta, but you said camisinha, which means condom.” Kensi explained patiently, trying to hold back her laughter. Deeks made a face at that.

“I mean that could come in handy, but you probably don’t want to get those two mixed up.”

“Yeah, somehow I highly doubt you’ll ever need to ask a stranger for a condom,” Kensi said, rolling her eyes.

“Hey, you never know what could happen during a case. Or if we ever make it to Portugal for vacation.” He sighed again, ruffling his hair as he leaned forward and rested his chin on his folded arms. “I’m sorry I’m so bad at this,” he said, sounding a little dejected.

“Oh no, baby, you’re not bad at this,” Kensi assured him, squeezing his hand.

“I bet it didn’t take you or Callen or Sam five minutes to learn to ask where the bathroom is.” He laughed self-deprecatingly, shrugging.

“That doesn’t mean you’re bad at it, you just need more practice.”

“And you’re willing to do that for me?” Deeks asked. “Even though I’m probably making your ears bleed right now.”

“Well, you could use some phonetics practice, but you’re not that bad. And even if you were, I would still help you.”

“I studied phonetics a little bit in this linguistics class I had in college,” Deeks said reminiscently.

“Did you enjoy it?”

“Mm, I did. Until the professor started talking about diacritics. I never did get the hang of those. For some reason she didn’t like me very much.”

“Well, I like you. And I’ll do my best to make this a pleasant experience,” Kensi promised. Smirking at him, she gave him a smacking kiss on the lips. “Eu acho você um detetive muito inteligente e sexy.”

Deeks tilted his head, processing her words.

“Did you just call me a sexy Detective?” he asked uncertainly.

“Muito bom!” I also said you were very smart.” Deeks looked pleased at that, his lips quirking into a small grin.

“Really?”

“Yes,” Kensi confirmed. “And I think you know a lot more receptively than you realize. You just need to increase your confidence and expressive skills.”

“I know something else that would give me confidence,” he suggested, attempting to draw Kensi in for another kiss. She evaded him, moving to the other side of the couch.

“Uh-uh, mind out the gutter. We still have a lot more to get through today.”

“You’re the one who started the kissing.”

“That’s because I know you’re best motivated by a rewards based system,” Kensi teased, opening one of the books and sliding it over to Deeks. “Now read.” Deeks sighed heavily.

“Well, at least your a lot prettier than Mr. Mason in high school Spanish.”

***

A/N: Supposedly this is what Kensi and Deeks were saying in Portuguese. Hopefully google wasn’t too far off.

Deeks: You’re beautiful, love of my life.

My name is Deeks. What’s your name? Let’s get pizza. Let’s get tacos.

Kensi: You’re a very smart and sexy detective.

Very good.

Since getting this prompt, I’ve decided that Deeks is a lot more self-conscious that he’s the only one who doesn’t speak another language well and that it’s difficult for him.

[lizzzweasley]

Remembrall (George Weasley x Reader)

Again, Thankyou for the support I really appreciate it! Drop me a message for requests, so much love ❤️

—————

You walk down the winding stairs, they are hard and solid and provided no give to your very confident steps down the stairs. But the common room provides a warm glow.

Its a few days after Christmas but you know the Weasleys wanted to come back and spend their time at Hogwarts during this Break, mostly for Harry, One; to give him his late Christmas and Two; Transporting him at this time is too obvious.

“Happy Christmas Harry!” You said smiling

“Oh, y/n!! Merry Christmas, waking up late?” he said, wrapping paper draped around his feet.

“You seen the twins?” You asked directing your question more towards Ronald. George’s jumper on your top, coming down to your knees and small shorts on bottom, but your night robes were covering you up.

“Yeah man. They’re still asleep, Christmas doesn’t start until 2pm for them” Ron said, smiling.

He turned his attention back at Hermione, she was opening a new book that he and Harry had clubbed together to get her and she (in his opinion) had never looked more beautiful.

You took a seat in front of the fire, the warmth of the fire had warmed up the sofa, you felt relaxed and was trying to not act too exited to see George, it was 1:30 now, only half an hour to go!

Harry and Ron both stood up in sync, and in sync they were because Molly had knitted them matching Hats, this year completed the full set, they were decked head to toe in Mollys hand made Knitwear; Jumpers, Gloves, Scarves and Hats.

“We’re going out to bewitch some snowballs” Said Harry

“We do it every year” smiled Ron

“YOU, do it every year, Ronald” Hermione said rolling her eyes and closing her book.

“You coming?” Harry said to both you and Hermione.

“I’m freezing, I’ll try and warm up and meet you out there” you laughed at Hermione, but you were lying, you were just trying to bide your time to wait for George

“Well, when you warm up, would you care to join us?” She smiled at you and began to walk away.

“Oh .. and if you see the twins .. tell them we’re .. outside, they’ll know where we are” Ron said, mouth half full of chocolate, chewing between every few words.

“CLOSE ... YOUR ... MOUTH...RONALD WEASLEY” Hermione said playfully hitting him with her book between every few of her words.

They were more in sync than they liked to admit, but that made you smile.

You heard the common room door open, they exited, and the door closed again.

You decided to tuck into a spot of homework to waste the time, the common room was empty, everyone was either at home with their family, or in the great hall eating the first of three magical Christmas meals, you had never seen the common room so quiet, and then you began to think about the kiss, the way that George had held his hand in your hair, the was he was so gentle with your skin, did he just kiss you because he was pumped up? You began to wonder.

“Not working on homework during the holidays are you y/n?” George giggled.

You looked up and saw his playful eyes looking down at you, you were so deep in thought you didn’t hear then twins coming down the small stairs and towards you.

“Oh no, that’s SO not like her” Fred said giving you a nod.

“Oh, happy Christmas boys!” You said smiling towards both of them “oh, Ronald said for you to meet him outside, he said you’d ...” you said but was interrupted

“Know where he would be” they said at the same time, you loved how similar they could be, yet how you just saw George in a completely different light.

“We best get cracking then George, They can’t beat us” said Fred

“Beat you?” You asked

“Yeah, Bewitching snowball fight you’ll pick it up fast, you’re pretty clever” George said shooting you a wink

“Okay let’s head off!” Fred said throwing his scarf around his neck and started to walk for the door.

“We’ll be there in a sec” George shouted down the corridor whilst gesturing his head towards you for Fred to see.

“Okay! Yeah no worries, don’t be long though, three vs one just isn’t fair” Fred said walking back towards the door, and again the door creaked open, and lock shut behind him.

You were sat with your legs crossed on the couch and your cloak began to ride up your outer thigh, and George noticed this.

“So” he said rocking back and forth on his heel, hands in his pocket, “have a good Christmas?”.

“It was fab, I didn’t go home though, I had a feeling my Grandma might not want me there after she sent all of my presents here” you laughed.

“What?” He said shocked.

“I know, I was surprised too! I just suppose she doesn’t want me back and fourth given the, well, the you-know-who circumstances, Hogwarts is probably the safest place for me right now!” There was a bit of sadness in your voice, but you saw George looking down at you and all the worry just, melted away.

“Sorry! I’ve been so self concerned! How was your Christmas George!” You said smiling at him.

George started to walk towards you and take a seat beside you, yet he left quite a gap between you and your exposed upper thigh.

“It was okay, we only went back for a day, as you say with the you-know-POO incident, mum wanted us back with Harry and Dumbledore as soon as we could really!” George said, looking at your thigh and then snapping himself out of it to look you in the eye.

“Oh, before I, well, before I forget” you said giggling “I got you a small present!”

You handed him a small round present wrapped up, you stretched your arm over yourself and handed it to him.

“But, I didn’t get you anything y/n” George said with a sad tone in his voice.

“I didn’t expect you too!” You said moving yourself closer to him, your thigh now touching his.

He opened up the present and there was a Remembrall.

“I though it could come in handy! You’ll never forget your Quidditch kit again, or to do your homework” you said staring at the ball, which was now turning red.

“Whats that mean?” He asked staring into the red smoke.

“That means you’ve forgotten something, silly” you said laughing at him.

“Well” he said moving closer to you “I know it’s not this” he said whispering onto your lips just before kissing you. You threw your legs over his and moved onto his lap. His hands moved under your robes and onto your leg, moving up onto your thigh and finally landing on your hip.

He pushed his lips into yours again and you could feel him start to smile, with his other hand he placed it on your cheek and began to brush the hair behind your ear, moving you in for a deeper kiss.

You tangled your hands into the back of his long hair, pulled away and pecked him one last time on the lips.

“We better go downstairs and meet the guys, the expect a snowball fight and a fight they will get” you said to him standing up.

He loved to see this side to you, even though you were joking, he found competitive you, really, really sexy.

You nipped upstairs and threw the bottom half of your clothes on and came back down.

“Still wearing my jumper I see!” He said throwing you a wink and looking you up and down

“Oh! Yeah sorry, I’ll go change out of it! I don’t want anyone asking why I’m wearing your clothes. Wouldn’t want to embarrass you like that!” You said turning your back to him to head back up the stairs.

“No” he said up the stairs “I want people to know” George said at you, now looking at his feet

“I mean, there’s nothing to “know”, but if you want to keep it on, I’m not embarrassed for them to see you, you know” hands in pockets, rocking on his heels again.

You smiled down at him and took his hand.

You walked, nearly, all the way to the castle grounds hand in hand, but both decided to let go just before you reached the guys

“Hey George and ... George?” Fred said looking at George and then you in George’s jumper

“Why’s she wearing that” Ron whispered to Harry, and Harry just shrugged, but Hermione thought it was cute. She had seen the way that Harry looked at Ginny, how Ron looked at Her and how George was looking at you, she knew that look.

“3 vs 3 then? Me and the two George’s, vs Smarty (Hermione), Greedy (Ron) and ..... THE DEADLY HEIR OF SLYTHERINNNNNNNN” Fred said jokingly nodding his head at Harry and you all laughed.

George showed you how to enchant the snowballs and he was right, you picked it up quick.

You spent a good half an hour throwing snowballs and making snow-walls appear out the snow for shields.

“I’m frozen” you said looking at everyone who also looked cold, but the boys were far more competitive to admit it, but you and Hermione were ready to call it quits and sit by the fire.

“SUDDEN DEATH” Fred shouted in his playful voice. “Last to get hit, wins for their team”.

“So like, doge ball” Hermione said.

“Exactly like dodge ball” Fred and George said at the same time.

The sudden death started, but as soon as it started, the twins flicked the snow off the roof above Harry and Ron, and they were covered, head to toe in snow balls.

“I guess they win, Ronald, Harry. Can we go inside now, I’m freezing” Hermione said

“Yeah, and I’m hungry” said Ron, still giving his brothers the stink eye, feeling embarrassed that he lost in front of Hermione, but with a flick of Harry’s wand the snowballs around them melted, and then transformed back into fresh snow on the ground.

Hermione lead the pack and everyone followed after them, walking back towards the great hall.

“Wait, y/n” you heard George say behind you.

“I’ve, got something to ask you” he said said, red Remembrall still in hand.

“What is it George?” You turned to face him, shaking In the snow.

He put his arms around you and rested his chin on the top of your head.

“Wouldyaliketogototheballwithme?” he said fast and nervous.

“You what?” You giggled.

“Oh, ahem, would you, like to, go, to the, ball... with, me” he said painfully slowly this time, and you saw the Remembrall turn from red to clear, that was what he had forgotten.

“I meant to ask you the other night, when we.. you know” he blushed “but everyone came in and I was nervous so I didn’t, I’m sorry I forgot” he said.

“Of course I’ll go to the ball with you! And that what the Remembrall is for, so you don’t forget to show up!” You giggled, leaning back from his embrace, you stood up on your tiptoes and kissed him, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, and just like magic, it began to snow, and this was the best Christmas present you ever got.

[aloscreevey]

bubblegum dear; apartment complex w/ animal crossing based spirits request!

the inside of grand apartments in springmont may not be as charming as its name, but one thing is for sure: everyone that lives here is one hell of a character.

owned by a gentleman named toby who the tenants really only know a handful of things about: 1) his first name 2) that he owns multiple buildings and businesses and not even his nephews know how he came to do it 3) he is actually really nice and will let you pay rent really late (and for some, won’t even bat an eye if you don’t pay) 

3 stories with 13 units in total: (2) studios, (3) 1-bedrooms, (4) 2-bedrooms, (4) 3-bedrooms

amenities: each unit has been recently renovated, dingy old pool that has been in the works of being refilled for about... 10 years, community patio with a few grills that were “generously” donated by previous tenants, a doorperson (when they decide to show up for their shifts), 1 elevator that is down 78% of the time (you’ll learn to love the stairs), laundry room (free laundry because toby never figured out how to set it up to charge)

tenants & units under the cut:

leaving small descriptions for everyone as i feel like while this may be how they’re perceived by their neighbors, maybe they’re COMPLETELY different in their day to day! and that’s cool! also not putting ages or what kind of unit they’re staying in to keep it open and allow people to stick their characters in whatever unit they desire- free range and all that || add me on discord (jenn#9013) or just reply here if you’d like to be a part of this!

(NOTE: this is rly just a baseline to get us started, please feel free to pick an animal crossing spirit and join in with a short blurb <3)

isabelle (open): 

has been staying at the grand for a while; resident “mom” who will definitely come by to your unit with baked goods; super friendly 

first last, age, face claim, played by name

timmy and tommy (0/2): 

[would love for these two to be twins but am also cool with them just being siblings!!!]; nephews of the landlord; definitely are not paying rent; loveable but ditzy; smart to befriend as they will vouch for you with toby; somewhat handy with maintenance issues

first last, age, face claim, played by name & first last, age, face claim, played by name

mabel (open): go to her if you need your pants stitched; may or may not have had a tragic life; sweet but does not sugarcoat; trendy as hell

first last, age, face claim, played by name

marshal (open): moody af; always complains about how broke he is but is also always purchasing new items and furniture for his apartment???; thinks he’s the coolest of the cool; probably an e-boy

first last, age, face claim, played by name

k.k slider (open): is always... playing the guitar; pacifist?; big open mic guy; lowkey broody; canvassed for bernie; will never sell out

first last, age, face claim, played by name

blathers (open): smarty pants; has definitely tried to get you to join his book club; insomniac; insisted that the entire building get fumigated due to his fear of insects; a fountain of (useless) facts

first last, age, face claim, played by name

phyllis (open): nosy as hell; works a weird schedule; big Let Me Speak To Your Manager energy; snobby coffee drinker; may or may not have a significant other? speculated by other tenants due to the amount of action going on behind her walls

first last, age, face claim, played by name

whitney (reserved for aria): uppity; talk in the building is that she was cut off by her family for some absurd reason; probably had a thing with marshal bc two birds of a feather; fur coats; taste for the finer things; nice-r once you get to know her

first last: open, age, face claim, played by name

fauna: early riser; agreeable and polite; baby sister vibes; nail tech in training; vintage thrifter; pushover; competitive as hell

challyn calhoun, 20, jasmyn palombo, played by jenn

units

studios (2 in total) - perfect for solo folks or pairs: 

UNIT 6: first last (age, played by name)

UNIT 12: first last (age, played by name)

1-bedrooms (3 in total) - perfect for solo folks or pairs:

UNIT 1: first last (age, played by name)

UNIT 3: first last (age, played by name)

UNIT 11: first last (age, played by name)

2-bedrooms (4 in total):

UNIT 2: first last (age, played by name) & first last (age, played by name)

UNIT 4: first last (age, played by name) & first last (age, played by name)

UNIT 8: first last (age, played by name) & first last (age, played by name)

UNIT 10: first last (age, played by name) & first last (age, played by name)

3-bedrooms (4 in total):

UNIT 5: first last (age, played by name) & first last (age, played by name) & first last (age, played by name)

UNIT 7: challyn calhoun (20, played by jenn) & first last (age, reserved for aria) & first last (age, played by name)

UNIT 9: first last (age, played by name) & first last (age, played by name) & first last (age, played by name)

UNIT 13: first last (age, played by name) & first last (age, played by name) & first last (age, played by name)

[drlauralwalsh]

Top 7 Recent Obsessions and 3 Freshly Intolerable Topics

Since my wife died in February, I’ve transformed into an obsessive recluse.  I’ve always been a weirdo but now I’m a grieving weirdo.  It takes eccentricity to a whole other level.  Before, my obsessions were psychology and home improvement projects.  Now, work is impossible and I break down trying to choose flowers at the local Home Depot.  Removing every last dandelion from the yard is my glorious new passion.

Since I trust you, I’m going to tell you about some of the other strange occupiers of my mind.  Like squatters, these topics have moved into my brain to fill up the unused rooms.  I vacillate between kicking them out and kinda liking the company.  Until new obsessions come along, I’ll play reluctant host to this ragtag collection of ideas.  

1. Life After Life

It’s natural to wonder what happens to someone after they die.  I’ve been doing some light reading (usually at around 3AM) on what psychic mediums think on the subject.  Apparently, we continue life on the other side, often recreating the likeness of our earthly homes and possessions out of familiarity.  In my wife’s afterlife, I hope she made some improvements.  She’s likely finally found the perfect couch (comfy yet stylish!) and is no longer taunted by the daily dog hair tumbleweeds.

I have a few questions.  Does my wife get to meet celebrities? She’d be totally psyched to meet Dolores O’Riordan, the lead singer of The Cranberries, who died in January of 2018.  Did she get to watch the last season of Homeland that aired after she died?  Can she still water a lawn in contemplative meditation?  Most likely, she’s cavorting with her first girlfriend, Suzy.  I’m told Suzy was a little crazy in her earth life so I hope she’s not a bad influence.

If I end up living a few more decades, I’ll probably grow and change substantially.  Will Patty recognize me when I finally make the trip? Will she and I still be soulmates or will I have to share her?  Like, did Suzy claim my wife as her soulmate?  I don’t wish anyone loneliness in the after life but dang, I’ve got dibs.

2. Cookie Butter Therapy

If you’ve read my self care tips, you know I’ve found cookie butter solace.  Listening to my body’s unique nutrient requirements, I heed the call for that smooth comfort.  As a psychologist, it used to bug me when I’d see memes like, “I don’t need therapy, I’ve got wine!”  Occasionally speaking aloud, I’d reply, “Hello future client!”

Now, I’m not so sure that retail, alcohol or food therapy is all that bad.  I mean, it IS bad in that it doesn’t solve the problem and could turn into something worse.  But if keeping your head above water saves your life, perhaps I should reconsider these stopgap measures.  Personally, I’m planning a future half marathon to combat the future cookie butter problem.  And by planning, I mean it’s on my list to look up neighborhood jogging routes.

3. Signs from Beyond the Veil

After my Dad died in 2002, I looked for evidence that his energy was still around.  Losing a spouse takes it to a completely new desperation.  Again, according to psychic mediums, we can ask our departed loved ones for specific signs and they will try to send them to us.  Oh the pressure!  Being an overachiever, of course I wanted to come up with the perfect sign to request from my wife.  One that hits just the right balance of inside joke and everlasting love.

To get the ball rolling, I picked the first thing that came to mind.  I asked my wife to send me a maroon Nissan Rogue SUV.  Weird, I know - but also the perfect symbol of our family.  I’m not that great at these requests just yet so I hope she knows I’m asking to see one, not get one as a gift.  Years ago, she borrowed my maroon Nissan for a road trip with two little boys who would become my step kids.  Having not yet met, questions about the car’s owner became a convenient way to talk about Mama’s new sweetheart.  

I started seeing this car EVERYWHERE.  There’s this one little problem, though.  Have you ever heard of confirmation bias?  Psychology Today says, “Confirmation bias occurs from the direct influence of desire on beliefs. “  Basically, I started seeing the car because I wanted the sign from her.  The overly enthusiastic part of my brain said, “Yeah, but wouldn’t she also FLOOD the world with whatever sign you requested????”  Next time, I’ll ask for money.

4. Meditation

After all the grief festivities were done (i.e. initial horror and subsequent wake and funeral), one of my besties recommended the book, Proof of Heaven by Dr. Eben Alexander.  The author is a smarty-pants neurosurgeon who had a near death experience.  He woke up out of a coma, wrote everything down, and set about trying to disprove the platitudes he once touted to patients.  Anyway, a fascinating book and GREAT for the active griever in your life.

Veering from his conventional colleagues, Dr. Alexander’s career diverged towards the path less taken.  He’s now involved in projects with the founders of Sacred Acoustics, a brainwave entrainment audio recordings company.  That’s a fancy way of saying guided meditations with binaural beats that create experiences.  There’s one that facilitates “communication with spirits across the veil.” Since I’m obsessed with getting back with my wife without leaving my kids and dogs, I became a convert. 

Before Patty died (AKA BPD), I was known to dabble in mindfulness and may have claimed I meditated for longer and more often than I actually remembered to do.  Don’t judge me, I was a busy mom!  With a renewed desperation and time on my hands, I gave these wacky meditations a go.  OMG, y’all they are amazing.  I dare say I’ve done a little cavorting with my wife (at least in my mind).  Seriously, between ADHD and grief brain, I can still knock out a 38 minute ‘Love Body’ meditation, no sweat.  In the least, it’s a crutch over the rough spots.

5. Crafty Crystal Suncatchers

I haven’t gone off the deep end (yet) and meditated while balancing my chakras (okay, maybe once) with family heirlooms.  If you read more than one book about the afterlife, you’ll pick up on themes.  Psychics love auras, butterflies, and RAINBOWS.  Since I’ve got time, I figured it wasn’t hard to put together my own suncatcher.  You can certainly purchase these dandies but I prefer my own extremely amateur creations - especially since I need one for every window.  Not sure what to do with these colorful messages from beyond but they are a comfort of sorts.

You may have gathered that I wasn’t previously into the paranormal.  For instance, I knew that smudging was a thing but now, thanks to Etsy, I have my own kit.  Same with healing crystals.  As a child from a family of geologists, semi-precious gems, variegated rocks and hefty quartz crystals already held a special awe.  I must note that my grandfather never mentioned crystal suncatchers as a method for communicating with the dead.  It’s all me who’s hoping for yet another channel where, through refracted sunlight, my wife asserts her presence.

6. Documentaries About Death

It’s a widow habit to categorize life events as ‘before’ and ‘after,’  We use these terms with a wistful air of melancholy apology.  We didn’t create these terms but they’re used as handy shortcuts before launching into yet another story about our dead spouses.  This next tidbit is about me, though.

I love documentaries but before, I’d skip over the downers.  Who wants to watch a flick about eroding habitats when your lawn looks so good?  Times change and now after, I’ve completely confused Amazon’s algorithms with my new entertainment searches.  I find comfort in tragedy.

I recently watched The Bridge, a documentary on the world’s most dangerous suicide locale - the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.  Since it was built, upwards of 1,700 souls have leapt to their nearly assured demise.  The doc profiles the families of people actually caught on film at the moment of decision.  Should sound awful, right?  To me, it’s soothing.  Not the suicides, but hearing the family process the death.  They’re in the soup with me.  Their stories make me feel normal.

7. Unique Grave Decorations

I’m only sharing this with you because I know you’ll understand.  I threw this one in the mix because I had a brief, but intense love affair with unusual grave decorations.   Did you know you can get “grave blankets” to keep your loved one warm?  Obviously more popular in northern climes, they're actually giant wreaths of evergreen branches to cover the gravesite.  Sadly, they aren’t allowed in my wife's cemetery or I’d be all over it.  She was always cold…..before.

Switching gears, turning towards the following topics is a sort of exposure therapy.  They each flutter at the windows of my mind and blot out the light (which I need for rainbows).  I might as well add them to the growing list of crap I have to deal with eventually.  Just so you know, I’m not weird enough to literally keep a list (yet).

1. Birthdays, Holidays, and Other Horrible Occasions

I know they’re coming.  I limped through some already.  May holds the double whammy of Mother’s Day and my birthday.  Despite the embarrassing lack of evergreen splendor, we’ll visit her gravesite where I’ve already smuggled in other decorative contraband.  Since I buy presents for myself all the time, for my birthday, I generally request a tasteful yet classic homemade card.  I’ll get through the anticipatory dread and trudge through the sewage of my lowered expectations.  It’s only another 24 hours to get through.

2. Getting Married Again

I can’t even think about what’s next.  Or rather who.  When I do think about it, I feel sorry for the sad sap who’s attracted to the runner up spot. Here’s the thing, I think about getting married again ALL THE TIME.  My fantasy only went as far as imagining waking up in a fully formed relationship.  Because I loved being married to my wife, it seemed reasonable to want our life reinstated.  As the days turn into months, finding someone new continues to stubbornly insert itself from outside my head.  I blame Patty.  She always insisted if she died first, she’d want me to remarry.  Less charitably, I countered that if I died first, she could never remarry because I’m her one true love.  She apparently wants the last word.

To be fair, I am only 45 years old.  When my stepson asked, I told him I was going to marry the dogs.  He just doesn’t want me to change my last name, so on that we’re cool.  Like passing me a note, Patty’s best friend from high school also delicately floated the idea.  Even my brother-in-law said he wouldn’t want me to pass up something special.  They all want me to be happy.  I don’t want to want to get married again.  It feels like forcing myself into a loveless, arranged marriage.  With my luck, I’ll live another forty years.  Maybe I’ll feel differently if my wife sends me a convincing sign.  

3. The Next Death

The completely self absorbed grieving person I’ve become can’t even think about the next shitburger tragedy that’s surely on its way..  You’d think I’d have a guess who it might be but you’re wrong.  I never would have put my wife on the shortlist but here we are.  With new obsessions hoarding space in my grieving mind, it’s too crowded to handle another disaster.  So I just don’t think about it.

If you’re grieving too, I want you to know you’re not a weirdo.  Or at least you’re a weirdo like all of us - another broken toy tossed onto Bereavement Island (like Fantasy Island but more sad).  I was never particularly interested in psychics, grave ornaments or dead people (beyond famous authors).  Grief turns you inside out until you no longer recognize the person you were before.  It wasn’t so easy to tip me over and I certainly didn’t cry in public.  Falling into grief is similar to falling in love.  With both, I lost my appetite, deeply felt things I’d never felt before, and became completely obsessed.  In the end, grief is just another stage of love.  An unfortunate byproduct of the grandest home improvement project.  I’m comforted to realize that even as I’m swept up by transient passions, I’m essentially the same loving partner at my core.

[digikate813]

My Little Pony Re-Watch: Episode 29 Lesson Zero

* Now we’re officially in Season 2! And after the clusterheck that was “Return of Harmony”, I’m sure we’ll have a nice calm first step into the new season.

*So Twilight makes multiple overlong checklists of every single action she needs to take during the day. Yeah we’re still in the same show.

*I don’t see many people mention the slight upgrade in animation that took place from here on. Specifically the little auras of magic from the unicorns. They’re much bolder in their color now. And it’s easier to tell that the color a unicorn’s magic is determined by either the color of their eyes or their cutie mark. But most commonly the eyes. It’s a small thing I know, but it’s remained consistent. Which i really appreciate.

*Whoa! Whoa! What is with Spike’s tongue?! Has it always been that long? Is that a dragon thing they haven’t mentioned before?

* Twilight freaking out over being tardy. Getting her letter on a lesson in friendship to Princess Celestia. And she hits worrying about the worse case scenario territory, alarmingly quickly. 

*I know Fluttershy is much easier and a more obvious instance of coding a character with anxiety, but honestly episode makes me see quite a bit of that in Twilight. Just of a different kind. Twilight’s terrified of letting Celestia down, to the point of worrying over her every action towards and around her. And as far as we know, Celestia has done nothing to provoke these fears beyond just being the ruler of the land. So Twilight demands perfection of herself as the student of someone so important, and in the process sees the possibility of crewing that up as a proper cause for the ultimate punishment. It’s incredibly irrational, but that’s not how she sees it. And i can’t say I haven’t been in that mindset several times in my life.

*But even if this episode deals with what I consider a more intricate problem, it still has fun with it. Like playing up Rarity’s propensity for being dramatic. Her dramatic couch makes i believe it’s first appearance, and that running joke of her proclaiming things as “The. Worst. Possible.Thing!” is still an iconic gag.

*Twilight grabbing Rainbow by the tail with her magic is a very nifty trick. One that probably would ave come in very handy in the last episode! Just saying.

*And Flutterhsy’s aggressive “Massage” work! Yet another fun moment to see people’s reactions to.

*This is fun and all, but during all of it, Twilight is still worrying about trying ot find a friendship problem to report on. And just how much this obsessing is getting ot her is brilliantly built up by the more she gets panicked with each stop, and her mane slowly getting more and more disheveled. Leading to a subtle, yet very quick transformation by the end of the second act.

*When Twilight tells the others why she’s so upset, they brush it off as no big deal. Again, another very realistic depiction of this kind of situation. It’s easy to brush off anxious feelings as ridiculous, or no big deal. And yeah, the thing Twilight is freaking out about is not a big deal. But to Twilight it is, and at this moment, that’s what matters. Dismissing that and laughing it off is not goig ot make the problem go away, and with Twilight it only makes things so, so much worse.

*Yet again another moment I’m sure scarred many 7 year olds for life. Because it certainly freaked out many adults! Twilight’s meltdown and subsequent craziness isn’t as influential as Pinkie’s, but it certainly left it’s mark. The facial expressions are certainly more diverse and distinct in their insanity then with Pinkie. It really seemed like if they were going to tap this well again, they were going to really step it up 

*And what does Twilight do when she’s desperate for a quick solution? Mess with the minds of innocent creatures of course! And what exactly did she mean by this spell “works every time”?

*It’s funny and crazy sure, but it’s also a great demonstration of just how far things can go if you let your worries get the better of you. Impulsive actions could be taken and it could end up doing more harm then good if you don’t think your actions through. Something Twilight could definitely stand to learn.

*So does Big Mac still have the Smarty Pants doll? I’m surprised we’ve never seen it in the background or something.

*I love pretty much everything from Celestia’s entrance on. The girls realize why Twilight was so worried, and finally decide to take action and realize where they went wrong. Twilight realizes she had nothing to fear when Celestia reassures her that she’s a wonderful student. And both of the episodes messages are articulated perfectly.

*Celestia assigning all of the Mane Six to write letters to her on the magic of friendship. A clever way to make future episodes more focused. Keeping up the pace with the growing ensemble cast without having to find a way to stick Twilight in every episode.

*This is why Spike is truly a Number One Assistant! He saw how worried Twilight was, realized he couldn’t get through to her and calm her down, so he contacted the only pony he knew could ease her worry. That is the proper course of action Spike. Even if you don’t think someone who’s in that head space has anything to worry about, you still take their feelings seriously. Well done little dragon. I applaud you!

This is another episode that is widely regarded as one of the best in the series, and I can easily say I agree! The shift in tone, especially in terms of humor, could have seemed out of place, but they take the right steps to make this outrageous and hilarious, without losing the point they’re trying to get across. Which is even more admirable since this episode had two messages to juggle, and it’s handled with expert precision. It’s one of those episodes i feel is very important for both kinds and adults. Plus another pony completely lost it. So there’s that. It would be a while before w had another pony mental breakdown like this, but the fact that it’s not only happened so many times, but will happen again, makes me think the folks over at DHX might want to talk to someone. Next Time: Luna Eclipse!

[lazydoodlesandfanfic]

Mother Nature and Spiderman (Peter Parker X Reader) *PLATONIC

 Characters: Peter Parker X Reader

Universe: Marvel, Avengers, Spiderman

Warnings: Spoilers of Spiderman Homecoming, near drowining

Request: could you do a peter parker x superhero!Starkchild! reader, where instead of tony pulling peter out of the lake where vulture dropped him its the reader and tony insists that they become partners? Maybe reader can control all living things and she's kind of like mother nature.

Your dad had to go on a business trip, and despite his offer, you decided to stay at home. You were never one for travelling, and while he and Happy were not really listening to Peter, you were.

You had access to Happy’s phone, when he was driving, so you had listened to all the voicemails, and so you decided to keep an especially close eye on him, and well, you can’t exactly do that when you’re in Asia, now can you?

It was on a particular night of being nosy of Peter, did you notice that on his tracker, he was moving quite a bit faster than usual, and you knew that something was wrong, so you took it upon yourself to investigate.

As you followed the tracker set on him, you soon saw him, you know, 10,000ft in the air. “Oh god Peter, what have you got yourself caught up in now?” You questioned, before seeing the thing carrying him start to hover over the lake, and you could feel worry start to rupture in your stomach, and your heart dropped when you saw Peter start to fall. “PETER!” You yelled, seeing his body hit the water. You immediately knew you had to help- knowing that there was no way he was going to come up without assistance.

You clenched your fists, raising your hands, and the ground around you moved, rumbling and shaking. The trees and their roots around the river started to bend and lean and go into the river till they were on the bottom of the water, before you made them raise carefully, revealing an unconscious Spiderman. You kept your concentration as you moved the hero over to dry land, gently laying him down before breaking your focus on your powers to check on Peter, the trees automatically going back into their original position.

“Peter? Peter, can you hear me?” You asked, shaking him lightly. Eventually he groaned, starting to come around, and when he realised who was in front of him, he jumped.

“Y/N Stark! What are you doing here?” He asked startled, jumping back. He had met you in the past- and he kind of idolised you. Not only were you the child of his employer, but you were also a mutant like him- you had been nicknamed as the real life mother nature. Anything alive would listen to your order and bend to your will.

“Well it was hard not to notice you flying without any of those webs of yours, so I went to check on what you’d gotten yourself wrapped in, and saw you get dropped in the river, so, I saved your ass. Anyway, what was that about?” You explained, looking up to search for the thing that dropped him, but saw nothing in sight.

“Some guys selling weapons made of alien stuff…” He explained briefly.

“Oh, is this about those things you’ve been telling Happy?” You asked, not really paying attention as you helped him up.

“Yeah- wait, how do you know about that?” He asked a little startled.

“Happy gives me his phone when I’m bored in the car, so I listen to the voicemails you leave him, and decided to keep an eye on you- you know, to make sure that if anything happens, I can be backup, and look, it came in handy!” You explained happily. “It’s pretty late, won’t your aunt be wondering where you are?” You asked.

“Yeah… I’m supposed to be at a party, but got side tracked…” He admitted, scratching the back of his neck. You sent him a look that kind of told him you understood. Not mixing your social life and your hero life was difficult, and there had been times when you had left a party or a social event because your powers were needed.

“Tell you what, since you’re such a smarty, I’ll back you up. If anyone asks, say that I gave you a call because you were nearby, and my car broke down, and you came and fixed it for me, and that’s where you were. I don’t usually like to play damsel, but if it saves a fellow hero, screw it.” You explained. Your plan quickly had the young man pacing and physically nervous.

“B-But… I can’t do that… no one would believe me- a-and wouldn’t that hurt your reputation- w-what about your Mr Stark- he’d kill me for being near you!” Peter freaked out, until you grabbed him.

“Peter, calm down, I don’t care about my reputation, and don’t worry about my dad, I’ll sort him out.” You told him. “Now come on.” You ordered, tugging him along with you back to your car. You waited in the car while he got changed around the back, before jumping in the passenger side. “Okay, let’s start getting you home, spider boy.”

“It’s Spiderman…”

After your interaction, Peter got a lot of attention at school for his selfies, as well as an angry text from Happy when he found out about being near you, only to call back an hour later and apologise. You got a headline about a possible romance, though you quickly turned it down, explaining it was just between two friends, knowing he was good with that kind of stuff and calling on him at an appropriate time.

When Tony found out through that headline, Peter was just waiting for him to come busting through the window… instead, he got you, smirking. “Oh god, have you come to hide me?” He asked terrified, but it only made you laugh.

“No, silly. My dad actually wants us to work together, you know… Spiderman and Mother Nature. See how things work with that.” You explained, before offering your hand. “What do you say?” You asked. Peter hesitated for second, before deciding and shaking your hand firmly.

Hope you like it! If you have any questions, please send them in!

*Not my gif

TAGS:  @courtneychicken  @graysonmalfoy @bellero​ @ariennisimpressed @captain-peanut-at-your-service @sebstanchrisevanchickforever19 @imbuckypositive @abbybills22 @waywardemo

[doridoripawaa]

SapphirePearlShipping!!

*Wallace Cup flashbacks* :’)

Who’s the messiest one:May! She’s constantly on the go, always wanting to explore, and sometimes she leaves a little bit of a mess behind her. Dawn has her spontaneous moments too, but she’s much more meticulous when it comes to being clean. May also tends to be a messy eater….

Who feels the most uncomfortable about PDA:May actually gets uncomfortable! Instead of shrinking away, however, she just ends up getting fired up and rambling a lot when she’s embarrassed! Her face gets as red as her bandana, and Dawn usually has to squeeze her hand until she calms down. (Hand holding is the one thing that doesn’t make May so flustered.)

Who’s the funniest drunk:MAY IS A BLAST WHEN SHE’S DRUNK! She sings, she dances, and she twirls Dawn around and around! She has an iron stomach and loads of enthusiasm.

Who texts the most:Dawn texts May all the time! Sometimes she sends sayings, sometimes cute pictures, and sometimes it’s photos of her latest batch of Poffins or her new outfit. She just wants to keep in contact with the one who’s so near and dear to her heart~

Who has the most embarrassing taste in music:Dawn has an entire playlist of smooth jazz and May just doesn’t see the appeal? She finds it really sweet though.

Who reads the most:They both read a lot, but probably Dawn! She’s really into Sinnoh’s mythology, and Sinnoh is packed with great libraries so she always had a chance to nourish her mind with amazing stories too.

Who’s better with kids:Big sister May is really good with kids! She definitely knows how to handle back-talk, considering Max is a smarty pants, but she generally doesn’t need to get too harsh. She has a very warm, welcoming presence, and she keeps a close eye on the kids.

Who’s the one that fixes things around the house:Dawn! She’s tougher than she looks and incredibly handy!

Who’s got the weirdest hobby:May has to try the ramen in every single town they visit, and Dawn doesn’t get how someone can love one food so much. “Don’t they taste pretty much the same?”“You’re kidding, right? I’d never mistake the salty tang of Slateport broth for the smoky flavor that permeates the Lavaridge–”“Forget I asked.”

Who cooks and who cleans up:Dawn cooks, for sure! She’s seen how May’s Pokemon react to her “Purple surprise” Poke Blocks. She usually cleans up, too, just because she likes chores to be done a certain way.

[tweetadvise]

Facebook Notifications: Keeping You Caught Up and Providing Social Engagement Opportunities

Continuing in Ann's series on alerts, let's take a look at Facebook and also exactly how Facebook keeps us informed as well as prepared to involve. First, being caught up in this collection by reading these fantastic posts by Ann Smarty herself:

How To Manage Twitter Alerts with Tweetdeck

How Google Plus Notifications Job: Who You Could Get to on Google+

The Notices Disallow in Facebook

Before digging right into just the notices, allow's look at the notices town of Facebook, comprehending exactly what each of the switches do for us.

We are tipping right into Facebook 101 below, so if you are an experienced Facebook user, really feel complimentary to avoid this section.

We will certainly begin from the far left and job to the. Keep in mind that we are chatting about the Facebook 'profile' in this article. The account is the major thing when you login to Facebook as you. There are also Facebook web pages that you may manage, yet the profile is the 'web page' (not to be puzzled with Facebook Web page) that is your house on Facebook, as a Facebook user.

So, on the much left of the alerts location, you ought to see your picture and your linked name. If you click either of these, you will visit your profile web page, your Facebook 'presences,' the spot that is all concerning you.

The next 'button' is a clickable word, 'Residence' and also that takes you to your newsfeed. The newsfeed is where you being to see all that is happening with your good friends (assuming you have Facebook established to see them and they have it established up to show you). You will also see the periodic advertisement or promoted post that has actually been placed right into the feed for your viewing enjoyment. The little number that shows above the 'Home' link proves to how several new items remain in your newsfeed.

The next switch is the one that looks like a number of silhouetted individuals. That is your 'Friends Notifications' where you can see the buddy demands as well as pal recommendations. Remember that 'verify' usually suggests that somebody has asked for that you become their pal (a.k.a. good friend request) and also that 'add close friend' implies that a person has suggested he or she as a buddy. In some cases individuals obtain those puzzled and also click on 'add close friend' thinking they are confirming a buddy demand ... then question why the individual is responding as if they recognized absolutely nothing of the close friend request. Because case, that is probably the case. Watch the terminology (words) in the button on those.

The next one is the messages. This is the IM (instant message) or PM (private message) function of Facebook. your Facebook mail box. You additionally have the possibility to use this as conversation at the end of the Facebook internet application. That is an additional discussion.

There are a couple of helpful pull-downs to the far right of the notification locations, however we are now going to turn our attention to the actual Notifications button. the one that looks like a globe.

Before we do, examine out the little red number. That is the number of new alerts. It allows you know the amount of alerts have can be found in recently.

Why Should I Care?

Why should you care regarding notifications? Below are a couple of reasons:

To stay on top of the recent happenings of your good friends and household, business affiliates, etc.

Each notification gives a clickable web link to either involve or click the character and check out the account of the person stated in the alert (i.e. a Birthday welcoming).

For company functions, provides an all-natural list for interaction follow-up opportunities.

Get the idea? Currently, you can create your very own checklist of factors

A Photo of 'Exactly what Is Up' on FB

If you remain in a rush and simply intend to take a peek, click on your alerts (globe) and also you could see the most current tasks in a pull-down listing. Allow's claim you are on your means to go out for a task. This quick pop-out listing allows you see where you could want or have to involve for 30 seconds prior to you leave. This comes in handy to choose up the Happy Birthday opportunities, or RSVP possibilities for gala occasions that may be occurring in your neighborhood town that night.

Facebook Notices Feature as a 'To Do' List

Have you ever before had those days when you are away from your computer system, your cell phone, and also essentially far from human being (which could be a good idea!), and also questioning what you may have missed on Facebook? That is where the charm of the Facebook Notifications be available in handy.

By visiting your 'Notice Facility,' you can see what has occurred while you have actually been unplugged. The number is truly useful (above), yet you could also track it by day. To access all of the alerts in the alert center, click 'See All' below your pop-out:

So, you would click on the globe and afterwards below the pop-out, you would click on the 'See All' connect to go to a web page that has lots of just the notifications. From there, you additionally have a choice to enable message and also setups, as well as also an RSS feed of your notifications (this is handy for every one of you nerds out there who intend to function it into a custom-made social networks dashboard).

If you have a normal routine, stating inspecting it daily, then you can inspect simply the notifications on the next day. That assists to keep you organized in whatever routine jobs for you.

Now You See It ... Now You Do n't

In the previous area, we referenced that there is a spot on the Notifications page to accessibility settings. This could likewise be accessed at the very leading of the pop-out window.

With Facebook Notifications, you can regulate whether you listens to noises, what apps or pages you adhere to, and whether you get 'press notices' to your desktop application. This is all taken care of in the 'Settings' location, which is accessible from the Notifications pop-out.

Onward and Upward

So, there you have it. Facebook offers you with every one of the possibilities to keep educated, whether you wish to be kept educated real-time (promptly), by enabling things like 'push notifications' to your desktop computer application, or you wish to mesmerize at the end of the day, with a listing of all your notices, or you simply want to pop in, periodically, throughout the day, yet using the helpful pop-out list. Whichever choice you utilize, you have clickable connect to go share and involve, as a result of every one of those notices. Engage away!