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mellowmusings · 22 hours ago

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death bed | coffee for your head

Azriel x sick reader

A/N- I had the idea for this when I heard the song and instead of sick Azriel I made a sick reader, please don't kill me and let me know if you wanna be tagged. Enjoy :). Warning- Angst, reader is depressed and sick, Azzie baby is depressed too. Mainly a really sad fic (mentions of death due to illness). Summary- You had been sick for sometime now and upon visiting a healer you find out the reason, unsure how much time you have left, you wish to spend every second of it preparing Azriel for the moment you leave.

'Don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed'

You were tired to say the least, for the past few nights you hadn't been able to sleep at all, and your sweet mate was worried sick for you, and so you had to change your plans for the day, ditching shopping for a visit to Madja instead.

A bell rang as you step into the healer's shop, the air was thick with the scent of dried herbs and incense, instantly calming your nerves. Soft light filters through the curtains, casting a warm glow on shelves cluttered with jars, vials, and bundles of plants you didn't recognize. The space felt ancient, yet welcoming, as if it held the quiet weight of countless healing rituals. A small wooden counter sat at the back, covered with bottles and unmarked potions. The faint sound of wind chimes hung in the air, but it’s the stillness that stood out—everything in this room felt intentional, designed to soothe, to listen. There attending to a small plant with the smallest flowers you had ever seen stood Madja.

Yeah, I don't wanna fall asleep I don't wanna pass away I've been thinking of our future 'Cause I'll never see those days I don't know why this has happened, but I probably deserve it I tried to do my best, but you know that I'm not perfect

You felt like throwing up, surely this was a joke? it had to be a joke, no she was lying or maybe you had misheard her, it had to be that way, right? "I know this can be shocking news y/n but like I said it's also a very rare illness" "No,no you're lying please tell me you're lying". She begged. Her voice broke on the last word, she couldn't breathe she felt choked, she wanted to throw up but instead she just fell to her knees and cried her heart out.

I've been praying for forgiveness, you've been praying for my health When I leave this earth, hoping you'll find someone else 'Cause, yeah, we're still young, there's so much we haven't done Getting married, start a family, watch your husband with his son

She didn't know how long she spent crying there with Madja comforting her and stroking her back, she was in shock but more than that she was worried for Azriel, if something happened to her then- No, no she wasn't going to think about that right now but for some reason her thoughts kept circling back to Azriel, to the quiet that would fill the room when she was gone. He’d wake up, reach for her, and feel nothing but emptiness. The bed would be cold, the silence too heavy. He’d feel it in the small things—no more shared glances, no more soft words in the dark.

Would he be okay without her? She couldn’t shake the fear that the grief would swallow him, that the shadows he kept so tightly contained would consume him without her there to pull him back. Would the memories be enough, or would they slip through his fingers? The thought of him unraveling, of him breaking, made her heart ache in a way she couldn’t ignore. She wouldn’t be there to catch him, and that terrified her.

Her gaze caught on a lovely family in the park, children being chased by their dad, their mom laughing at the scene and smiling lovingly at her partner, right, she would never be able to have that with Azriel either. Maybe, one day he'll find someone else, who'd love him just as much as she did, someone who'd start a family with him, give him heirs as lovely as he is. She hoped so because if Madja was right then-

I wish it could be me, but I won't make it off this bed I hope I go to heaven, so I see you once again My life was kinda short, but I got so many blessings Happy you were mine, it sucks that it's all ending

Don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed, yeah

And I, don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed

Yeah, I'm happy that you're here with me I'm sorry if I tear up When me and you were younger, you would always make me cheer up Taking goofy videos while walking through the park You would jump into my arms every time you heard a bark

You lay back against the pillows, your chest rising and falling with every shallow breath. Azriel sat beside you, his fingers gently brushing over your hand, but the tension in the air was thick, suffocating. You could feel the worry in his touch, in the way he kept glancing at you, like he was afraid to miss something, afraid to lose you before he could even understand what was happening.

"Azriel," you whispered, your voice trembling as you gathered the courage to finally say the words. "I’m sick." You tried to keep your tone calm, but it cracked as soon as the words left your lips. "The healer said it’s a rare heart condition. Something... incurable."

His face froze, eyes widening with disbelief, and he leaned forward, as if to pull you into him, to somehow shield you from the world. But you didn’t want his protection right now. You wanted him to hear this. To know the truth, even if it shattered him.

"I wish it could be me," you continued softly, the words slipping out before you could stop them. "I wish I could take it all. The pain. The time. But I—" You faltered, and the tears you had been holding back finally broke free. "I won’t make it off this bed, Azriel."

His hand tightened around yours, his breath shaky, but he said nothing, his eyes begging you to take it back, to tell him it wasn’t true. But you couldn’t. Not anymore.

"I hope I go to heaven," you murmured, forcing a small smile through your tears. "So I can see you again. One day, after this... after all of this."

Azriel’s face crumpled with pain, his eyes bright with unshed tears. He reached for you, pulling you close as if he could somehow hold you together, like he could make everything right if he just tried hard enough. "No," he whispered, his voice raw. "No, please. Don’t say that. Don’t leave me." It hurt to see the brave and stoic shadow singer crumble infront of you over such a small matter, he had faced death time and time again, but never had you seen him so broken.

You closed your eyes, savoring the feel of him holding you, but there was no denying it now. You couldn’t keep pretending. You couldn’t keep fighting against what you knew in your bones was coming.

"I’m not ready," you whispered, voice barely audible, "but I think... I think you need to be. This is the reality now, Love. I won’t have much time left."

Azriel held you tighter, but it was clear that he was barely holding on himself. You could feel his heart racing against yours, the fear, the love, the desperation. But you knew, deep down, there was no way to stop it.

"I just need you to be ready," you whispered, your voice barely a breath. "Because I won’t be here for long. I need you to promise me something, Az."

He pulled back just enough to look at you, his face a mask of agony, but he nodded, clinging to your every word.

"Promise me you won’t forget me," you said, the ache in your chest growing, but you didn’t want him to carry this burden forever. "Promise me you’ll live, not survive, but live, even if I’m not there."

He pressed his forehead to yours, and for a moment, it was like the world stopped moving. "I’ll never forget you," he said hoarsely. "And I’ll never stop loving you, not even after…"

You nodded, a tear slipping down your cheek, but you could feel the finality of it, the quiet acceptance in your soul that you had already said goodbye. "I know. But you have to promise me, Love. Please. Live, for both of us."

The words hung in the air between you, heavy, inevitable. And in that moment, you let go. You accepted what was coming, not with peace, but with a sorrow that was too vast to express.

Azriel didn’t say anything after that. He just held you, and in the silence of the room, you both faced what you knew was coming, as painful and unbearable as it was.

Cuddle in your sheets, sang me sound asleep And sneak out through your kitchen at exactly 1:03 Sundays went to church, on Mondays watched a movie Soon you'll be alone, sorry that you have to lose me

You were curled up against Azriel, the quiet crackling of the fire the only sound in the room. He held you close, his warmth wrapping around you like a shield from the world. The memories flowed easily now, the ones you both cherished, the ones you were trying so hard to relive, to hold on to.

"Cuddle in your sheets," you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper, "like we used to, like we did so many times. You’d sing me to sleep, your voice soft, your hand in my hair."

Azriel’s thumb brushed over your skin as if committing the sensation of this moment to memory, the feeling of your body pressed against his. "I’ll sing you to sleep forever if I can," he replied, voice thick with emotion. "But you know... I think the best part was sneaking out through your kitchen at exactly 1:03. I used to look at the clock, and I knew you’d be there. We’d laugh, sneak away like we didn’t have a care in the world."

You chuckled softly, a tear slipping down your cheek at the thought. "Sundays, we went to church together. Mondays, we’d watch a movie, get lost in each other’s company. Simple, sweet. And it was ours." You pulled back slightly to look up at him, a small, sad smile on your lips. "I wish we had more of those Mondays."

Azriel's eyes softened with the weight of your words, his voice barely more than a broken whisper. "We still have now," he said, but even he knew the truth in the heaviness of his words. Time was running out.

You closed your eyes, trying to soak in every moment, every detail. You could feel the pain of the inevitable, but for tonight, for this brief moment, you clung to the idea that you could still make new memories. "But soon you'll be alone," you whispered, a sob escaping before you could stop it. "I’m sorry that you have to lose me."

Azriel’s grip on you tightened, his face pressing into your hair. "Don’t say that," he murmured, though his voice was thick with sorrow. "I’ll never lose you. Not really. Not in my heart."

You nodded, your body trembling in his arms. "I hope so," you whispered, holding him tighter. "But I’ll always love you. Every memory, every laugh, every quiet Sunday. I’ll carry those with me, even when I’m gone."

And for a moment, time felt still, like the universe had paused just long enough for you both to hold on to each other a little tighter, to try and make every second count before it was all gone.

Don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed

And I, don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed

Don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed

Azriel sat beside you, his hand resting gently on your own, the warmth of his touch a stark contrast to the chill that seemed to constantly settle in your bones. Your breathing was shallow, weak, each rise and fall of your chest an effort, and yet, despite it all, you smiled up at him. It was the kind of smile that told him you were fighting, even when it seemed like there was no fight left in you.

"I don't want you to stay awake for too long," you whispered, your voice thin, but still full of the love you carried for him. "I know you watch over me, but you need sleep too, Azriel." Your hand squeezed his, the action small but intentional.

He looked at you, eyes filled with an ache that ran deeper than the shadows that normally clung to him. His gaze searched your face, searching for something, anything that might bring you back to him, but there was nothing he could do to stop what was coming. His grip tightened, but he didn't speak. What could he say? Every word felt like a lie in the face of what you both knew was inevitable.

"You've been so strong," he finally whispered, voice hoarse. "Please, don’t give up on me now." His thumb stroked over your knuckles, as if grounding himself in the reality that, in his heart, he knew you were slipping away.

You let out a soft, raspy laugh, and though it was faint, it made him want to smile, even though the pain was consuming him. "I’m not giving up," you said, each word a battle, but the light in your eyes still bright enough to pierce through the darkness. "I’m just… trying to make the most of the time we have left."

Azriel closed his eyes for a moment, his chest tightening, but you gently cupped his cheek, urging him to look at you. "Don’t stay awake for too long," you repeated softly, your hand slipping into his as you pressed it over your heart. "Don’t go to bed, not yet. I’m still here. I’m still with you."

He leaned in, pressing his forehead to yours. You felt his warm breath on your skin, a small reminder of how much he loved you. How much he needed you.

"Let me take care of you," he murmured, his voice breaking. "Let me make you coffee in the morning, just like we used to. I’ll get you out of bed. I’ll help you find your strength again, just like before."

You smiled at him, the tears in your eyes blurring your vision. "I’ll make the coffee," you whispered, "when I can. I’ll make sure you get through it, even after I’m gone. I wrote you letters. Letters for the years to come, so you’ll know I’m still with you. So you’ll know that I’ll always love you, even when I’m not there."

Azriel’s heart shattered. "No," he said hoarsely, "No, you can’t leave me." His voice broke at the end, the rawness of his fear leaking through. You were fighting so hard, so fiercely, for him, but he couldn’t stop the truth from settling in his chest.

"You’ve always been my strength, Azriel," you whispered, your voice so soft, but so full of love. "And I’ll be yours, even when I’m not here to hold you. I need you to live. To keep fighting. And when the days feel long, when the nights feel too empty, I want you to read those letters. They’re for you. I’ll make sure you find your way."

Azriel couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. He leaned down, kissing your forehead, his lips trembling against your skin. "I’m going to keep you here with me, in my heart. Forever. I promise. I won’t forget, I swear it."

You smiled through the tears, despite the weariness that clung to your body. "I’m not leaving you, Azriel," you whispered, "not really. Not ever."

But the truth, unspoken between you both, was that you didn’t have much longer. And still, you fought, not for yourself but for him, so he could have something to hold on to after you were gone.

"Please," he begged softly, his voice breaking, "don’t leave me."

You brushed a tear from his cheek, as your voice trembled, "I’ll never really leave you, Azriel. I’ll always be with you. In every letter, in every thought."

You paused, a soft, warm breath escaping your lips. "I’ll get you out of bed, Azriel," you whispered, a hint of a smile on your face, "I’ll get you going again. Even if I’m not there to see it."

His tears fell freely now, but there was a quiet peace in the way he held you—knowing, with an ache so deep it felt like it might swallow him whole, that he would carry you forever.

And I, don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed

A few weeks had passed, and the weight of each day was beginning to take its toll. The glow in your eyes had dimmed, and your breath came in shallow, uneven gasps. Azriel stayed by your side every moment, his presence constant, like a shadow you never wanted to be without.

He had been trying to hold on to the last threads of you, keeping the hope alive that maybe, somehow, you would pull through. But he knew. He knew with every soft breath you took, with every fleeting smile you gave him, that time was slipping away from both of you.

Today, though… today it felt like everything was slower. The air in the room was thick with an aching kind of quiet, the kind where even the heartbeats that echoed in the space between you seemed too loud.

Azriel sat on the edge of the bed, his arms around you, pulling you close like you’d always been. His fingers lightly traced the line of your jaw, like he could imprint your face into his soul if he touched you long enough. His lips pressed to your forehead, trying to pour every ounce of love and comfort he could into you, but it felt like it was never enough.

You had grown weaker. Your skin was pale, your breathing labored, but you still smiled at him when your eyes fluttered open.

"I’m still here," you whispered softly, your voice raspy but filled with the love you had for him. "I’m still here, Azriel."

He blinked back the tears that threatened to fall, his throat tight. "You don’t have to fight anymore," he murmured, brushing the damp strands of hair from your face. "I’ve got you. I’ll never let you go."

You smiled faintly, your hand reaching for his, weak but determined. "I know," you whispered. "I know… but I have to tell you something, something important."

Azriel leaned closer, his heart pounding in his chest. "Anything," he breathed. "Tell me anything, love. I’m listening."

"I wrote letters," you whispered, barely able to keep your eyes open. "For the years to come… For you. So you know I’ll always be with you, even when I’m not." He silently promised himself would read every letter you left behind, each one a piece of your love, keeping him alive in a world where you no longer were.

Azriel’s chest tightened, a sob breaking free from deep inside him. "You don’t have to go," he said, his voice raw, breaking with the weight of everything he wished he could say, everything he wished he could change. "I can’t… I can’t lose you."

A tear slipped down your cheek, but your smile didn’t fade. You reached up with trembling fingers, tracing the line of his jaw, as if trying to memorize him the way he had memorized you. "You’ll be okay, Azriel. You’re so strong. You’ve always been strong. Just—just remember that I love you. I always will."

His breath caught in his throat as he kissed your hand gently, his voice cracking. "I love you," he whispered, "I love you more than I could ever put into words."

You closed your eyes, your hand slipping from his, but he caught it again instantly, holding on as if it would keep you tethered to him, keep you from slipping away.

Your breathing grew even more shallow, each one taking more effort than the last. Azriel could feel the tremor in your body, the slow, inevitable shift that told him everything he feared was coming. But he didn’t let go. He couldn’t.

"I’m not ready to let you go," Azriel murmured, his voice hoarse, tears streaming down his face as he held you in his arms. "I’ve never been ready to let you go. Not now, not ever."

You gave him one last, gentle smile, your hand resting against his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your fingertips. "You’ll always have me," you whispered, your voice barely a breath. "In every letter, in every thought, in every coffee you make. You’ll find me again, in the quiet moments. I’ll always be with you."

And then, as if your body had finally found peace, your chest stilled. Your breathing slowed, and for the first time in weeks, there was complete silence. Azriel’s heart shattered, his breath caught in his throat, and for a long moment, he couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe.

"No," he choked out, his voice breaking, his chest heaving with the weight of loss. "No, please…"

But there was no response. Only the soft, quiet sound of his heartbeat echoing through the silence, as if trying to fill the emptiness you left behind. His arms tightened around you one last time, as if holding you could bring you back, as if love could defy death.

For a long while, Azriel stayed there, clutching you to him, his tears falling onto your skin. He couldn’t let go. Not yet. He needed to hold you, to feel you close, to believe, for just a little longer, that you weren’t truly gone.

And in the stillness of the room, as the shadows of night stretched across the floor, Azriel whispered the only thing left in his broken heart.

"I’ll always love you. Always."

The room was silent. Still. But his words lingered in the air, a promise he would carry with him forever.

And I, don't stay awake for too long Don't go to bed I'll make a cup of coffee for your head I'll get you up and going out of bed

Azriel stood at the edge of the balcony, staring into the endless void of night. The stars above seemed to mock him, distant and cold, twinkling as though the universe was still moving forward, as though life was continuing. But for him, everything had stopped.

The wind swept through the courtyard, its icy fingers clawing at his skin, but it was nothing compared to the cold that had settled deep in his chest, in his soul. He had not moved from that spot since… since that moment. The moment she had slipped away from him, her final breath trembling in his arms, leaving nothing but an echo of the love they had shared. The world felt like a hollow, silent place, and he was drowning in its emptiness.

He could still smell her, faintly. Her scent lingered in the air, in the folds of the blanket she had used to curl up in, in the spaces between the letters she had written him, all the things that were now gone—faded into the dust of the world she had left behind.

Her letters. He had read them, over and over, each one a tear-streaked page of her love for him, a love he could no longer feel against his skin, in her touch, in her smile. He had read her last words, over and over, searching for some kind of comfort. But the comfort never came. The words she had left behind—I’ll always be with you, Azriel—only left him feeling more alone. Her absence was a shadow that consumed everything.

"I’ll always be with you," he muttered bitterly to the darkened sky, as if the universe owed him something. "Where the hell are you now?"

He wanted to scream. To shout into the abyss that had taken her from him, to demand it give her back. But what was the point? The universe didn’t care. Time didn’t care. And now, all that was left was his hollow existence.

The days blurred together, the ache of her absence cutting deeper with every passing hour. He had stopped sleeping, stopped eating. He couldn’t bring himself to do anything but exist, moving through each day as if in a fog. The shadows whispered her name—her voice, her laughter, the warmth of her skin against his—and all he could do was shut his eyes and pretend he didn’t hear them.

But the silence… the silence was the worst.

Everywhere he went, there were reminders. The empty corner of the room where her chair used to sit, the books she had loved scattered across the table, the coffee mug she had left on the counter—his mug now, though it meant nothing. All of it was just a reminder that she was gone, and he was left alone, trapped in a world where nothing made sense without her. Without her laughter, without the way she’d tease him in the mornings, the soft way she’d press her face to his chest when she needed comfort.

She had been everything to him. His light, his warmth, his reason to fight. And now…

The darkness pressed in on him, a crushing weight on his chest. His wings, once majestic and powerful, now felt like an anchor. He had no use for them anymore. They had carried him through battles, through pain, through moments of glory. But now they felt like a reminder of how empty he was. How much of a shell he had become.

The weight of the silence was unbearable. He could feel the crushing loneliness clawing at him, desperate to consume him whole. And as he stood there, staring out into the endless night, he almost wished for it to. He almost wished for the silence to swallow him, to take him with her, because what was the point of living in a world where she wasn’t there?

“I can’t keep doing this,” he whispered to the darkness, his voice cracking. His breath came in short, uneven bursts, each one a reminder that he was still alive—still breathing, even though every part of him screamed to be gone. To be where she was, wherever that was, because life without her felt like a slow, torturous death.

He ran a hand through his hair, tugging at it as if the physical pain would distract him from the ache in his chest. But it didn’t. Nothing could.

The weight of everything pressed on him—the guilt, the anger, the regret. He had promised her, promised her, that he would take care of her, that he wouldn’t let her go. But in the end, he had failed. He hadn’t been enough to save her. And now, she was gone, and all he had left were the memories. The hollow echoes of her voice, her laughter, her touch.

“I wasn’t enough for you,” he whispered, a raw, broken sob escaping him. His knees buckled, and he crumpled to the ground, his wings folding around him like an armor of despair. “I couldn’t save you. And now… now I have nothing.”

He curled into himself, his arms wrapping around his knees, his head pressed against them as the tears came in waves. His body trembled with the force of it. Every sob was like a shard of glass digging deeper into his heart, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore.

The world had moved on. The stars had continued to shine. The wind had continued to blow. But for Azriel, it had all stopped. Because she was gone, and no matter how many times he whispered her name into the darkness, no matter how many times he begged for her to come back, he knew the truth.

She was gone. And he was broken beyond repair.

Time would pass, the seasons would change, but none of it mattered. Nothing mattered without her.

And as the silence closed in around him, Azriel made a vow to the shadows, to the darkness that now felt like home.

He would never forgive himself. He would never forget the way she had died in his arms, the way he couldn’t save her. And as the cold night wrapped itself around him, he whispered through clenched teeth, “I’ll make the world pay. I’ll make everything pay for taking you from me.”

But even as the words left his lips, he knew they wouldn’t bring her back.

And he would have to live with that.

Taglist: @anarchiii @er1023 @siriuslystyle1989 @velarisdusk @scorpioriesling @starlightazriel

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luvst4rc0r3 · 1 day ago

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Sevika x Agegap!Reader PT.2

WARNINGS:Little suggestive at the end

WC:976

You’re the type of person who wakes up at full speed. Like, as soon as your eyes open, you’re bouncing around the apartment, making breakfast, humming random songs, and generally being a menace to Sevika’s peace.

Sevika, meanwhile, is not a morning person. She’s a “grumble into her coffee while glaring at the world” type of woman.

“Good morning, sunshine!” you chirp one morning, plopping onto the couch beside her.

She squints at you over her mug. “How are you like this at seven in the morning?”

“It’s called being happy to be alive, Sev! You should try it sometime!”

She takes a long sip of her coffee, pretending she didn’t hear you.

You also have a habit of waking her up in the most chaotic ways possible. Once, you tried to wake her by playing a trumpet sound on your phone at full volume. She didn’t even flinch—just pulled you into bed and trapped you there until you promised to let her sleep.

You’re always saying or doing something that leaves Sevika pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Sevika, do you think if I ran fast enough, I could jump across that rooftop?”

“No.”

“But what if—”

“No.”

One time, you got bored and decided to teach yourself how to juggle. You didn’t tell Sevika, so she walked into the apartment to find you throwing knives in the air like it was no big deal.

“WHAT are you doing?” she barked, immediately snatching the knives out of the air.

“Juggling!” you said, as if it were obvious.

“You’re going to kill yourself.”

“But it looks cool, right?”

She sighed. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

You love to tease Sevika about being older than you, especially when she does something remotely “old lady”-ish.

“Why do you always order the same thing at the bar, Sev? Is it a comfort thing? Are you stuck in your ways?”

“It’s called knowing what I like,” she replies, glaring at you.

“Next thing I know, you’ll be complaining about kids these days,” you tease, dodging the pillow she throws at you.

You also have a habit of calling her “grandma” just to see how far you can push her.

“Hey, Sev, want me to knit you a blanket? I bet your joints get cold in the winter.”

She gives you the iciest glare imaginable, but you swear you’ve seen her hide a smile.

The age gap means Sevika’s protective instincts are in overdrive. She feels like it’s her job to keep you safe, and she takes it very seriously.

“You’re not invincible,” she says after patching up a scrape you got from one of your harebrained ideas.

“No, but I have you,” you reply, grinning.

She mutters something about how you’re going to give her a heart attack one day.

If you ever get hurt, even if it’s something minor, Sevika goes full mom mode. She’s lecturing you while cleaning the wound, even though her touch is gentle and she’s clearly worried.

“This is why I tell you to think before you do something stupid,” she grumbles.

“But where’s the fun in that?” you joke, and she just sighs.

Sevika pretends like she doesn’t care about your antics, but she absolutely indulges you when no one else is around.

You want to go stargazing on the roof in the middle of the night? She grumbles but helps you climb up there.

You want to bake cookies at 2 a.m. because you “had a craving”? She’s half-asleep but still helps you find the flour.

You want to dress her up in ridiculous clothes “for fun”? She lets you. But only once. And only because you promised not to tell anyone.

You once dragged her to a carnival, and though she claimed she was “too old for this crap,” you caught her smiling while watching you try to win a stuffed animal at a ring toss game. (Spoiler: she stepped in and won it for you with ease. You still call her your hero for it.)

For all your energy, you have moments when you crash, and that’s when Sevika shines. She’s surprisingly good at taking care of you when you’ve worn yourself out.

She’ll scoop you up, carry you to bed, and rub your back until you fall asleep.

If you’re overwhelmed, she knows exactly how to calm you down—usually by sitting you in her lap and letting you ramble while she strokes your hair.

One night, you were feeling particularly insecure about the age gap. “What if I’m too much for you, Sev? Like, what if you get tired of me?”

Sevika immediately shut that down. “You’re a pain in my ass, but you’re my pain in the ass,” she said, pulling you into her arms. “I’m not going anywhere, so stop overthinking.”

She didn’t let you go until you fell asleep, and even then, she stayed awake to make sure you were okay.

Sure, Sevika grumbles about your energy, and you tease her about being old, but at the end of the day, you balance each other out.

You remind her not to take life too seriously.

She keeps you grounded when your chaotic energy gets the better of you.

And even though she claims to not understand your jokes, you’ve caught her smiling at them more than once. She may not laugh, but the fact that you can make her smile? That’s enough for you.

At the end of the day, Sevika’s your grumpy, overprotective girlfriend, and you’re her chaotic little sunshine. She acts like you drive her insane (and you probably do), but she wouldn’t trade you for anything.

“Sevika, I’m pretty sure you secretly love my energy.”

“I tolerate it,” she replies, smirking.

“That’s not what you said last night,” you tease, and she groans.

“One day, I’m going to muzzle you.”

“Good luck, gramps!”

Idk if I’ll write more fics abt this

I want food

#arcane x reader #arcane x y/n #arcane x you #x reader #x you #x y/n #sevika season 2 #sevika league of legends #sevika x you #sevika imagine #Sevika #sevika x y/n #sevika lol #sevika arcane #sevika x reader

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dilf-luvr-4evr · 11 hours ago

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Husband! & Dad! Arthur Morgan headcanons 🥰 idk about this but some people seemed to love the one where reader is pregnant so 👉🏼👈🏼 thank you!!! <3

no warnings, just fluff, mentions of Christianity, f! Reader

from the way he talked to the bath girls, it seems like he’s someone who’d talk to you about how hard his day has been :( he secretly likes to be babied fr!!!

might not be used to having someone listen to him yap at first with his “alright, I’ll shut up now.” But you INSIST on hearing his crazy stories and he smiles, tries to keep going even though he feels bad.

that was the beginning of the relationship. Now he goes straight home to you all, “honey, you would never believe-” and you could tell the gossip is gonna be juicy.

Arthur “loyal” Morgan getting blackout drunk and rejecting you because he’s married. I need him desperately.

“You must have a feller,” he smirks, eyes half lidded and his ‘r’s all slurred.

“Mhm, I do. A very handsome one too,” you played along.

“I got a beautiful wife m’self,” he smiles wide, leaning forward and almost falling. “I’d marry you if I didn’t.”

though you aren’t religious, you tell Arthur that you end up quite lucky in life because you were christened as a baby. You asked him if your baby could go through christening as well, wanting them to have a good start in life with protection from God.

he was still paying off his bounties at the time. Seeing his fate in the past, he decided to agree.

“What the hell, why not,” he said, surprising you. “As long as it ain’t done by Swanson.” He needs all the luck he could get.

HIM AS A GIRL DAD OUGHHHH

I feel like he gets these spontaneous outbursts sometimes? He can be a lil grumpy but his baby daughter would definitely soften that.

imagine him suddenly getting angry at something she did and she starts crying :( it would ABSOLUTELY break his heart and he’d panic every time :(((

“I’m sorry alright? I’m sorry baby girl..” “y’know I didn’t mean that right?” “Please stop crying darlin’ :(”

might also make her cry from his awful, terrible teasing and his stupid “oh c’mon, I’m just messin’ with ya!” He’s so mean sometimes booo

speaking of mean, I just know he’d be the sassiest, judgiest, snarkiest man when his daughter brings home a partner. Imagine the Kieran treatment…………

maybe not if it’s a girlfriend. If it’s a boyfriend? Poor guy will have to prove himself good enough for Arthur’s baby!!!

don’t worry, he’ll soften up when he remembers how he used to be treated by Mary’s dad HAHA

the Morgan house probably has lots of pets! I don’t think he would mind the strays that you and the kids just randomly bring home.

he’d just call them “girl” or “boy” (boah!) and you’d have to fix him or all of them comes over at the same time.

he probably draws his family a lot or takes pictures!!! All of his family’s photos on the walls, by his bedside table, in his journal for when he travels :(((((((

he would only travel when he needs to! Gets very anxious and worried and tries to go home as quick as possible even if it means not sleeping :(

he can sleep later in your arms for as long as you’d let him anyway!!! (Secretly a small spoon sometimes, deal with it)

the biggest sigh of relief when he hears his family welcoming him, when he sees them running to him, when he feels them hugging him (I’m sobbing)

from how the girls at camp make him take them somewhere or get them things, you can tell he’s probably gonna be such a pushover for his little family omg

you can ask him to do the craziest things you could think of (he’s done much worse anyway!!!) but this time his payment is just one “please?” And he would do just about anything for his family :(

he’d never admit it — not even to himself — but your smiles are more rewarding than any money he’s ever received <3

my masterlist

Thank you for reading!! 🫶🏼

#can you tell I fantasize about marrying him a lot #HE DESERVES THIS GUYS :(#arthur morgan lives happily ever after in my mind #red dead redemption community #rdr2 #rdr2 community #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan rdr2 #rdr2 arthur #arthur morgan #arthur morgan x you #arthur morgan x reader #red dead redemption arthur #red dead fandom #red dead redemption two

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beatrixst0nehill · 1 day ago

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"Please, Master, let me go out and make more money for you today! I want more! I need to please more men, ooo you can take me to that homeless shelter and drop me off for the night so I can satisfy those poor, lonely men! And maybe catch a new bug or two! ��️"

"Tiffany, I just spent an hour cleaning all that cum and piss off you, you filthy little whore. I can't let you back out, my pet."

"Awww, please! I need cock! I want to make you lots and lots of money, it's my purpose, Master! Please, I beg you!"

"Ughhhh, so bratty. I didn't think you'd turn out this way. I guess a few years of mindless sex and pushing out kids has turned your poor brain to mush. OK, I better let you go."

"Let me go, what do you mean, Master?"

The man snapped his fingers four times in quick succession.

Tiffany blinked a few times, confused, suddenly realizing she's naked. She covered her breasts, completely horrified. "Oh my god, what the fuck is going on!? Huh? My body......? My boobs are huge! Why do I have so many tattoos? I don't under--my belly! No, no, no, no, no! I can't be pregnant, what happened!?" She looked up. "Who are you, why would you.... wait, no...... I know you. You were that magician."

He gestured like he was tipping his hat. "At the county fair. Remember how skeptical you were?"

"Wait, no way. You actually hypnotized me!? I never would've gotten on that stage if any of this was real! You monster, what did you do to me?"

"What day is it? And how old are you?"

"I'm nineteen! It's June 22nd, 2022!"

"Wrong, my pet, you're 22, it's June 16th, 2025."

Tiffany loosened her arms around her engorged breasts. "How could you..... I just thought you'd do some dumb trick, you hypnotized me for three years, into what? Your girlfriend? And did you seriously knock me up? That's disgusting!"

"You aren't my girlfriend, you're my plaything. You were so annoying on stage, not playing along at all, not flirting, not having fun with my show, you just folded your arms and acted so nasty to me and my audience, I simply had to put you in your place. And I didn't get you pregnant, you sleep with hundreds of men every week, there's simply no way of knowing who the father is. Oh, and this is your fourth pregnancy, you've already given birth to fourteen children. Triplets. Quintuplets, and sextuplets. You're actually only five months along right now so you might very well be carrying octuplets for all I know."

Tiffany was devastated, rubbing her thighs together. She felt her big pregnant belly, she looked at her breasts and tattoos. "I feel.... hot."

"Hm? The bath's probably lukewarm at best now."

"No, I--oh......" Tiffany reached between her legs, to her extremely swollen, over-fucked, disease-ridden pussy. "Oh my god! It hurts! It itches so good.... wow!"

"Yeah, you probably have every STD in the book. As my pet you were quite proud of getting them."

"I can see why..... I mean, um, this is so gross! I can't believe you did this to..... mmmmmmm. Oh wow." Tiffany giggled, shamelessly rubbing her sex in the bath, right in front of her captor. "It never used to feel this good! Oh my god, oh fuck. I think...... sir, I really think I need sex. Do I take drugs, too? I think I need some....."

"Indeed, you're quite partial to taking a big dose of heroin, getting so high you're barely conscious, and letting a whole club or bar's worth of men fuck your brains out all night..... You don't seriously want to go back to any of these behaviors, right?"

"Uh-huh!" Tiffany enthusiastically nodded, licking her lips. "Am I still in college? Doesn't matter, ooooo, I can't wait to show my new body to my friends and family and show them what a whore I am! Do you think I can go out after my bath and take my new body out on a test run? I don't know how good I'll be at making money for you anymore, but I'll try, Master!"

"I knew three years was too long....." He sighed. "Poor thing, I really scrambled your independent, clever brain. I guess you're my responsibility now. I was going to do some shows and train a new girl instead...."

"Let's do it! I can be your assistant! Then I can have a slutty sister I teach to whore with me, and we can get pregnant together, and rub our swollen, diseased pussies together! Won't that be wonderful?"

The man drained the water, patting Tiffany's body. "OK, my pet, I'll get you reacclimated to your duties as my whore. And get you a sister or two to have fun with later this week."

"You're the best Master a dumb, cock-obsessed slut like me could ever ask for!"

#pregnant kink #preggophilia #preggo kink #hypnotized girl #hypnotized #hypnotism #whoring kink #bug chasing kink #birth kink

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brbarou · 1 day ago

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so i'm writing my undergrad thesis on rote. specifically on the women of rote, specifically analyzing (and, let's be real, mostly criticizing) the ways in which hobb chooses to write them. i have a general idea of the structure and the things i'm going to write about BUT if anyone want to pitch in with anything i might've missed that you consider striking about the way the women of rote are written (be it positive or negative!) feel free to

so far i've got an outline of touching upon:

1. an overview of the ways in which different countries treat women - e.g. the six duchies being more inclusive than the cursed shores, the contrast between the violent patriarchy of chalced and the stern matriarchy of the outislands

2. sex and sexuality - this one is complicated. i have a lot to say, about molly representing the ideal woman wife and mother, about how the female characters who tend to sleep around are painted as either misguided victims of former sexual abuse (althea, starling) or just flat out written in a way that is so Vindictive (also starling, and jerd) as if hobb's catholicism doesn't know how else to handle those characters apart from turning them into rude, annoying, unreasonable people who the reader is urged to dislike

3. motherhood, the good the bad and the ugly of it. women long for children. they suffer through miscarriages (kettricken, malta), they are blamed for not being able to bear children (alise, patience) - but at the end of the day, children are always in the picture one way or another. apart from, off the top of my head - alise, jek and serilla, almost every other woman ends up a mother (i'm counting patience as a mom!) which isn't a problem on its own, but. when characters who speak openly about not wanting a typical family and who aren't pleased about having children become mothers anyway (althea). when women who have been infertile most of their life become mothers anyway (starling). when even the sidest of side characters Have to become mothers (laurel, jerd) then really, it makes you pause for a bit

4. rape. i don't have a bone to pick with how hobb approaches sexual assault, per se, because the way she feels about it is very clear, but still. god. althea, malta, serilla, thymara, alise, shine, etta, starling, chassim. and the difference between hobb's male and female victims of rape seems to be that the male counterparts always suffer off-page, while you most often have to look the women's abuse straight in the eyes as the reader. i have yet to sit down and really Think about why that is but i'm sure there's a conclusion to be reached

5. gender in general - i have an inkling that hobb views gender as a performance (which, i mean, yeah) or as a role one can step in and out of (think ash/spark) but assfate era beloved is particulary fascinating when it comes to this. i can't quite pick apart whether it's hobb or fitz's urge to constantly compartmentalize beloved's existence but every scene where amber takes her makeup off and changes into a pair of pants and the pronouns immediately switch back to he/him is so hilarious. is woman when makeup and skirt and dress? and man when pants? something to be said about this for sure

i think that's most of what i have on my mind so far?? i've spent so much of my free time thinking about this i'm glad i get to turn it into something useful

#i'll sprinkle in some praise here and there too. i don't think she's THAAT bad at writing women. but obviously a lot is left to be desired #.txt #this falls under the course of popular literature btw! i study english #and information science but we don't talk about that

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seraphicloves · 2 days ago

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In the deepest and darkest crevices of your mind, you like to pretend. Since you were a small child, innocent and naive, you have used your imagination as an escape. Painting palaces and creating cathedrals within your head, a place of solace for you and you alone.

You having been pretending more and more lately. Ever since he left, left you with the broken pieces of your heart, you have been pretending. It was easy to imagine that you were happy- that you were still with the one you love.

Geto. A name that hasn't left your lips in years. How long had it been? How long since he abandoned your love like it was nothing more than a tool for him to discard when it was useless?

Where might he be in this very moment? Was he surronded by worshippers? Had he found someone else to fill the holes in his heart with their kisses and touch? Would he have taken you with him if you had been a better lover? If you cared more fully would that have made him less likely to leave?

You were older now, a supposed adult who was meant to be logical and such. How could you possibly feel grown when you still acted like a child? Playing make believe just to hold onto the small scraps of your sanity.

"It's time to go, [Name]." Nanami says, as if you weren't a ghost withering away in its spot. As if you weren't a mere memory of what used to be.

Your feet tapped aganist the ground, despite the fact your heart was firmly in the hands of your former lover. Geto, Geto, Geto. His name was still warm on your tongue, still softening a spot in your brain.

If he was still yours to love, maybe you would have a family by now. You could perfectly imagine it: living in a cozy home and holding onto your baby daughter while watching him. He would love her as well as he loved you. (But would he give her away as easily as he gave you away?)

He would have been a wonderful sorcerer, taking care of your family while you cared for your daughter. She would have her father's hair and she would have your eyes, wonderful mix of both. Would she reach for you both in her sleep? Would she want you after a nightmare or would she try to handle it herself- stubborness coming from her dad.

If anybody laid witness to the thoughts in your head, they might label you as insane. What were you doing, still wanting that evil man after all he did? How would you be able to explain that somehow you knew he still had good in his heart, despite all that's happened? He was your Geto, your love. He couldn't possibly have changed so drastically no matter how long it had been.

If you saw him again, what would you say? Would you cry or would you yell? (Would you beg him to love you again, despite all that he's done?) He is a bad person, he has done bad things and he thinks bad things. At least you try to remind yourself of such.

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aurora-starlight-silly · 2 days ago

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Hello Aurora! I just noticed since you have been to Ccino's you can travel to AUs right? How do you you travel? My character personally uses portals but what do you use? Also when and why did you learn to travel and what was the first AU you have traveled to. Sorry for so many questions.

-----

<- previous • next -> (soon)

• Beginning

WOOW YAY LORE-

Sorry I didn't answer the last question, I had litteraly no idea what she'd answer- gsgsg

(Also I actually closed Aurora ask for a while, 1. Because of the person sending bad thing in the inbox (idk if it's true or if it's over now but there's also reason 2. ) and 2. I have so many asks haa- I'm taking SO much time to do them (because of school and also I don't have alot of time) so yeah when I finish all of them I'll open the asks again :D If you want to ask ME something, you can just send in the coments somewhere :3)

---

So yeahh she uses kind of portals ! She isn't very good with her magic, but still fine

I like the idea of that she has to wait a lil while to use a portal again, so if someone is trying to kill her she has no escape =D

And the last pictures- well lore or something :D

As you see she's bad at explaining, I love her

You can ask abt it when I open the asks again, even if as you see she isn't comfortable with it, I wonder why >:]

-> (now it's been talking abt the arts)

I CAN'T DRAW HANDS HAA- GSGSF

And it was SO difficult to draw the Aurora borealises- to be honest I uses a google picture for the ones on her ask ''sprite'' but it was a long time ago sggsfsfs

AND HUH. MY ARTSTYLE WHAT HAPPENED TO MY ARTSTYLE DCCSCS

Okay the tablet is making my artstyle change every 2 seconds but I guess it's still fine- at least it was fun to draw !

Now I'm finally going to sleep, byyye ! >:3

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femininefables · 2 days ago

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⛓️🖤ℑ’𝔩𝔩 𝔎𝔢𝔢𝔭 𝔚𝔞𝔦𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤🖤⛓️

Sevika x fem! Y/n: broken marriage angst

part 1

a/n : in reality, I can never see Sevika treating her S/O like this, but I’m a sucker for angst so here this is anyways.

contains: swearing, alcohol abuse, minor pushing and shoving, smoking, maybe manipulation? Idk. If you’re uncomfortable with any of this, please stay away for your own comfort! ❤️

w/c : 2.1k

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:··:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

The rain comes down hard against the shaking windows of your apartment in Zaun. You’re sitting up, waiting on the return of your wife, Sevika. She was meant to be home a while ago, but you try not to worry. Despite that, the anxiety that something’s wrong this time lingers in your mind.

She’s usually late to come home since she’s now Silco’s right hand, and is a lot busier than she used to be. You can’t say you entirely agree with Silco and Sevika, but this job seems to mean a lot to her, so you let any opinions you have go.

The clock strikes again… it’s been an hour, and no Sevika. You know that something’s up for sure, but what can you do? There’s no way you’d last long alone in Zaun past midnight… You try to stay up longer, but you feel sleep pulling your eyelids shut and attempting to quiet your worried mind…

Defeated, you sleepily make your way to the bed you share with Sevika, crawling onto it before collapsing where she’d usually sleep. You can’t help but smell her on the pillows, the blankets, and the sheets. You decide you’ll head straight to Silco’s base the very next morning to find her… if she isn’t back by then…

The faint sunlight filters its way through your halfway drawn blinds. Reaching out, you search for the familiar warmth of your wife, but she still isn’t there. Sitting up immediately, you pull on some clothes, grab a pocket knife, and leave to search for her on your own.

When you finally reach Silco’s place, most of his guards and goons move out of your way. Sevika has always made it clear that you’re with her, and the consequences of your mistreatment won’t be pretty, whether she’s your coworker or not. “Sev? Are you here?” You call out nervously. There’s still no sign of her. You slowly make your way to Silco’s door, cracking it open before pushing it out of the way. Sevika is completely knocked out on the couch.

Your hand goes to your mouth in shock as your eyes wander towards the bandaged bloody stump where her arm used to be. You feel light headed. You might puke, but you steel yourself, and instead focus on her face. “Sev! Are you okay? What happened?!” You say. You don’t shake her, since you think that might hurt her. You press your ear to her chest and breath a sigh of relief when you not only hear her heart pumping, but feel the slow rise and fall of her chest that you missed the night before.

“She’ll live…” A sickeningly familiar voice says from behind you. Whirling around, startled by the intrusion, you see that it’s only Silco. He doesn’t look so good himself either… Not that he ever did to you anyways. “What happened!?” You demand, trying to hide the obvious tremor in your voice. “A plan.. I can’t tell you everything, but Vander’s girl was causing some trouble, and there was…an explosion..”

He walks around the room till he reaches his desk, sitting down in the large chair. “Your..partner, Sevika…She defended me.. probably saved my life. In exchange for well…I think you can tell.” You’re aware of what has been going on the past couple of days. The explosion in piltover, the enforcers running around looking for the suspects, but you have no idea how this is related at all. All you want is for Sevika to wake up and tell you everything’s okay like normal.

“Uggh….shit..” Wish granted. Sevika’s eyes flutter open and she looks around. It’s clear she’s not really there, but you can’t help rushing back to her side. “Sev it’s me! A-are you okay? How do you feel!?” She looks at you strangely, before muttering a curse and going back to sleep. Kind of anti-climactic.

“We had a doctor stop by. She’s on a lot of medication right now, but she should be okay, given I’m giving her two months off..” She just lost her arm.. Only two months!? You think to yourself. However; “Okay..” is how you respond. All you can do is stare down at your wife, who merely furrows her eyebrows in her sleep.

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:-

It’s been some time since the accident. Sevika is back home, and has been for about a week now. Recently, she’s been less affectionate, but you’ve brushed it off as stress, or her getting used to her new disability.

Despite this, you’re trying to be the most supportive wife you can possibly be. One afternoon, you spot her struggling to eat with a spoon. Her left hand was her dominant one after all… You go over to help her, lifting the spoon to her lips and smiling. “Hey. It’s alright I can help you.” She glares at you. “I don’t need your help… I’m not a kid.” You sigh, trying to be patient with her. “I know…but just let me help you right now.” Sevika has never been good at accepting help. She always wants to do things on her own. It’s a quality you find equally endearing, and annoying at times.

“I know that-well, things are going to be different for you from now on. This is all going to take some getting used to, but please, let me help you for now.” You plead with her. Her eyes soften momentarily, before looking away from you with a grunt. She begrudgingly takes the spoon in her mouth, allowing you to help her eat.

Despite some moments of tenderness, things are still pretty rough. She’s drinking a lot more than usual, and completely brushing you off when you try to talk to her about it. One night, you wake up to the loud sound of the TV in the living room. Sevika isn’t next to you.

You get up and head out the bedroom door, finding her drinking what looks like her third beer, and watching some crap on the TV. “What’s with that look, baby~?” She asks with a drunken slur. “You’re drinking again…You’ve already had a lot today.” You say, walking over and sitting down next to her. You hold her remaining hand with your own. “Ah fuck…Just get off my back…” She groans, rolling her eyes at you. “Sev, I just-all this drinking can’t be good for you. I know loosing your arm is rough, but this isn’t the solution! Just please come to bed with me.” You beg her. For a moment her eyebrows raise, before she scowls at you. She roughly shoves you off of her. “I didn’t ask for your fucking opinion on how i’m dealing with my own shit. Not yours.” She spat. Sevika swears all the time. She has the mouth of a sailor, but this time it feels different. Like the feeling you had when waiting for her to come home that night. A sinking feeling in your stomach telling you something is wrong. Fighting back tears, you stand up and return to bed.

It’s after one a.m. Sevika still hasn’t come to bed. The TV is off now. Is she asleep? You grip your wedding ring tightly. As you twist it around your finger, you assure yourself that this will all brush over. She just needs time…she’ll come around…she still loves me…it’ll be okay…

You jolt awake at the sound of heavy footsteps and the bed bouncing as Sevika plops down. You feel her calloused hand snake around your waist, and pull your back flush against her chest. Her chin comes to rest on the top of your head, and she finally speaks. “Hey…I’m sorry…” She sounds remorseful. Drunk for sure. Sevika is usually good at holding her alcohol. Must have drank a lot tonight…

“I shouldn’t be mean to you… I love you… you know that right?” She presses a kiss to the top of your head. The first one in a while. It stings a bit that it’s not when she’s sober. “Yeah… I know.” You mutter. Sevika mumbles on “ I’m sorry baby. I don’t deserve someone as pretty and sweet as you. I don’t know why you wanted to be with an old lady like me…” She squeezes you tighter. Sevika is only thirty three, but she calls herself old all the time. The usual ramblings of a drunk Sevika. You fall asleep that night in her arms. Till you’re not. The morning leaves you alone in the bed. After getting up, you notice Sevika isn’t home. You wait all afternoon until she finally comes through the door. “Oh, hey babe.” She says. “ Sev, where were you so early?” You ask, noticing the red cape draped over where her left arm was. “ Silco’s place. He called me over and, well… I’m getting a prosthetic.” She doesn’t seem too thrilled.

“That’s great!” You rush to her side, urging her to sit down. She’s still a bit tense. “Is something wrong?” You ask. She’s averting your gaze. “Look I just…you…fuck. Never mind.” She stands up and lights a cigarillo. Something she never used to do around you.

Sevika’s new arm will definitely take some getting used to. You’re not too sure about the shimmer aspect of it, but she seems pleased with it. “I’ll be back to work with this soon.” She says one night while you’re cooking dinner. “Aww…I’ll miss having you at home, Sev.” You say it like it’s a joke, but you really will miss her. “Yeah? I don’t know why. I’ve been a total bitch recently.” She remarks. “I still will. These past weeks have been hard, so I understand.” She frowns, leaning her elbows on the counter. “You’re just gonna let me get away with that? Wonder what else you’d put up with…”

And so, Sevika is back to work. You barely see her. Leaving early in the morning, and coming back either late into the night, or the early hours of the morning. You’re not sure if all of it is work though… Sometimes, she’ll come back with loads of cash. Sevika has always been a gambler, but it may be getting out of hand now.

Other times, she’ll come home scuffed up from another one of Silco’s “errands.” She won’t let you tend to her like she used to. You were hoping your relationship would go back to how it was now that things are mostly back to normal, but you only seem to be getting more distant. It’s been one week. One whole week since you’ve seen your wife. She told you this mission would be a long one, and “don’t expect to see me around soon.” Before just leaving. You miss the goodbye hugs and soft kisses, and the sweet nothings she’d leave you with.

One night the door slams open, waking you with a little yelp. “Just me.” You hear her yell from the doorway. Getting up, you rush to greet Sevika with a big hug. She stiffens, but merely rubs your head in response. “I missed you…” You mumble into her shirt, which smells of smoke, and blood. “Isn’t that cute?” She chuckles, something you haven’t heard in the longest time.

Everything is strange now. Moments like these feel off. She’s kind to you, sweet and loving, before suddenly becoming cold and distant again. Is this good? Is it bad? No marriage is going to be perfect everyday, but these ups and downs are confusing you. Nevertheless, you savor the rare moment of tenderness.

That morning, you wake up with a smile on your face. Today is Sevika’s day off. Your mind is brimming with ideas of what you could do today. Maybe you can go to the market together, or do some baking, or possibly something else you’ve been missing from her… Shaking the lewd delusion from your head, you get up to go find Sevika. To your surprise, she’s putting on her shoes and adjusting her red poncho over her new arm. “Where are you going?” You ask meekly. Your voice betraying the slightly sad mood you’ve found yourself in. “Out.” Is all she says. She doesn’t even look over her shoulder at you. Deciding not to let this moment go to waste, you tackle her in a tight hug, feeling her warm body against yours, along with the ice cold metal of her arm.

“Get the hell off’a me!” Her voice raises slightly, pushing you away, and knocking you off of her. “I- I’ll be back soon.” She looks regretful for just a moment, before leaving without another word.

For a moment you can’t even move. Just standing there looking shocked as ever. She’s never been so secretive. So aggressive or impulsive. You feel tears sliding down your cheeks before you can even try and stop them. But there’s also a ball of anger and pain in your stomach. You can’t say anything except for a little gasp.

You desperately touch the wedding ring around your finger like it’s a lifeline. “From the fanciest place I could find.” Is what she told you that day. Her eyes trained on yours like you were the only thing in her world. You certainly were not now.

A/n : Hello! Thanks so much for reading part one. I plan to keep this as a series, and any form of critique or suggestions are welcome!

-Elena

#sevika x you #sevika my love #sevika x reader #sevika headcanon #arcane #arcane league of legends #arcane x reader #wlw #lgbtq #sapphic #angst #romance #fanfic #sevika fluff #sevika x female reader #arcane sevika #sevika arcane #sevika

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yawujin · 3 days ago

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v3 girls x reader during a sleepover

type | headcanons , lighthearted , gender neutral reader , fluff

author's note* noticed this completed in my drafts, so why not post it? 🤍 might be going back into my dangan hyperfixation...who knows. to my followers who like dgr, expect to be fed soon! :3c

kaede akamatsu ♡

asked if you wanted to wear matching pajamas and you agreed

you were actually happy that you did

she thinks you two look cute

she's so considerate towards you throughout the night

she picked out the snacks she knew you'd like

she let you pick what movies you would binge on and what music you two would listen to

she even listened when you shared some scary stories (although she knew she'd be freaked out by the time you were finished telling them)

"nighty night (Y/N)." she whispers out to you before she turns the lights off

miu iruma ♡

she teased you about your choice of pajamas, which were, compared to hers, so much more conservative

when you did it back however she whined about it

"why don't you come and warm me up in bed then huh?"

you threw a pillow at her head

she put on some movie that you two were really not paying any attention to

instead she began to show things to you on her phone quickly scrolling past every questionable picture in her camera roll

"you feeling tired?" "me neither"

suddenly gets an idea for an invention and forces you out of bed. "come on, you're going to help me!"

miu pls it's like 2 AM

maki harukawa ♡

tried her best to accomodate you

constantly asking if you need anything such as more pillows, another blanket, more food, drink and more

you tell her that she's sweet, but you're fine, really!

tells you that you can pick any movie you want as long as it isn't a movie about spies or assassins

you're fine with that and pick something cute (healing maki's inner child one step at a time)

she ends up drifting off to sleep near the end of it though

you didn't mind it

she looked really cute cuddled up against you

kirumi tojo ♡

like maki, she would accomodate you in any way she could

kirumi there's so many pillows and blankets we could literally make a fort

you would thank her ofc

she made a charcuterie that includes cheese, grapes and nuts

you're impressed and so very grateful towards her

she would ask you if everything is to your satisfaction

"kirumi, i feel like i'm in a damn five star hotel"

also, you reminded her that this is her downtime too

you insisted that she cuddle underneath the blankets with you and watch a few videos before you two slept

she agreed but made you promise you'd let her wake up earlier so you two can have an amazing breakfast

angie yonaga ♡

insists on doing face masks before bedtime

she also wants to brush your hair

"angie, this is your sleepover too. why do you want to pamper me so much?"

she tells you that atua told her to extra hospitable towards guests who intend to stay overnight

before bed, angie had a routine of meditating, then stretching

she asked if you would like to join her! she wouldn't let you refuse

but you didn't regret it bc it totally relaxed you

"may god watch over and protect you while you sleep." she says

then it's lights out

tenko chabashira ♡

she insisted you came over a bit earlier so you two could spar together

"if we're going to get good sleep, we need to tire ourselves out!"

she's so full of energy

but not for long

she always pushes herself to the limit

you suggest that you both shower before bedtime

"tomorrow...too tired right now..." she flops on top of her bed

she's the type to always fall asleep first at a sleepover (besides himiko)

although you didn't do too many stereotypical sleepover things together

you still had a good time

you thanked her over breakfast the next morning

himiko yumeno ♡

she puts on a magic show

she tells you that watching it will put a spell on you to make you fall asleep faster

but it was all so entertaining

you watched it through and by the end of it

himiko was the sleepy one

"hey (Y/N), can i ask a favor? ...can you make me some warm milk?"

the night ended with the two of you settling down for sleep while sipping cups of warm milk

tsumugi shirogane ♡

as expected of an ultimate cosplayer

she puts on a fashion show

which is really just a display of all of her cosplays but you enjoy it anyway

she asks you to guess which cosplay is which and you actually get some correctly

it's nice to see her enjoying her talent

she gets you to watch a few episodes from a show that has her favorite character in it

while it plays on screen, tsumugi can't help but talk over the dialogue and share every fun fact she knows about the show

"sorry if i'm boring you..." she stops for a moment and sighs

not at all! you encourage her to tell you more until she grows tired

and half an hour later, she lets out a big yawn. "thanks for listening, (Y/N)"

she passes out

the night ends with you knowing a little bit more about tsumugi's favorite media

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ledesaid · 1 day ago

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Billy has a special trunk 💼

◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉◉

He finds a trunk the size of a microwave under the table of a second-hand shop. It's not very heavy, and the woman attending agrees to give it to him if Billy helps her label some products.

The trunk is a rich mahogany color, with some travel stickers peeking out all over the lid. Some are from Egypt, others from China, and Billy swears there must be one from London under the dirt surrounding it.

He barely makes it to Bambi's house after being chased by some older kids. But here it is. The young woman had agreed to share the apartment after a wave of kidnappings in Fawcett. According to her, Billy was too sweet to be kidnapped; this comes thanks to Billy convincing her to go back to school and become a nurse.

So, great news, Billy has his own key.

And he also has many ideas about what to put inside the trunk. His parents' letters, his favorite stuffed animal, his crystal ball… courtesy of a retired clairvoyant, and his greatest treasure: his album with all the superhero clippings.

Don't get it wrong, if he had the chance to save one thing, he would go for his parents' letters, but currently, that book held Billy's hope on every page, and he read it every night.

Bambi insists that he should be more interested in comics than in the news, yet she never forgets to bring him a couple of newspapers every day.

Billy felt that with her, they were a small team like Batman and Robin.

He never would have imagined that when he wanted to show her the trunk, its contents would have disappeared.

All he could do was accept that it was a nightmare and go to sleep.

Worry wakes him up in the early morning, and he discovers that his trunk is deeper than it should be.

He discovers it when he accidentally falls into the trunk.

A bit dazed, he notices that he is no longer in his Fawcett apartment; worse still, he is still inside a trunk. It's not his trunk, but it is still one.

With some effort, he manages to open the the lid and dosen´t recognize where he is. But the luxurious surroundings tell Billy that he shouldn't be there.

He planned to listen to his brain and go back into the box, but it sounds like a very bad idea… he tries to explore the room, and besides a large canopy bed, a closet full of sheets, and the absence of personality, no one had slept in that place for a long time. He is left with only a window with a view of the large garden of the place. Nothing that would help him recognize where he was, however.

While thinking of some clue, he ended up falling asleep on the soft bed.

"Kid… wake up."

Billy threw himself off the bed in an attempt to find out who had woken him up.

He did not expect to find a teenager with blue eyes and black hair like his. Aside from that, it was someone who had found him when Billy accidentally invaded his home.

A bunch of thoughts tangled in his head. Police, social services, jail, kidnapper…

That last one didn't make sense… But Billy knew he was in trouble!

However, instead of any normal reaction the other boy might have had, he acted carefully not to scare the younger one, and it worked…

Billy had already decided that he would take advantage of any distraction to get back into the trunk and hope to return home. He wasn't very smart, but Billy wanted to have faith that he could get back home with that…

"Calm down, kid, I didn't mean to scare you, and I didn't expect Bruce to bring another kid without warning us… I live here. What's your name?"

"I shouldn't tell my name to strangers."

"That's okay, I wouldn't either if I were you… but I can't just call you kid… my name is Jason…"

To buy some time, he came up with an idea. He had used this trick with two social workers and hoped this boy would fall for it, he would if he was the good person he claimed to be.

"I'm Billy… and I'm very hungry."

As expected, the teenager asks him to wait while he brings something from the kitchen. Billy promises not to go anywhere and opens the trunk as soon as Jason closes the door.

To his surprise, the bottom had disappeared, and he wasted no time before throwing himself inside.

Billy knows it might not be as dangerous when he returns to his apartment. Bambi scolds him for leaving without telling her. But Billy can only hug her while he processes what happened.

First, his trunk is magical; second, his most valuable possessions have disappeared; third, his trunk is magical! and fourth, he is going to go back in to recover his treasures.

#cómics de dc #dc captain marvel #fanfic #ao3 #dc comics #billy batson #shazam #capitan marvel #billy needs friends #capitain marvel #fawcett #batman #jason todd #bambi fawcett #fawcett comics #fawcett city #captain marvel

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naughtyneganjdm · 3 days ago

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Love's Second Chance: A Holiday Reunion - Chapter 21

Summary: Having Christmas morning alone with Negan, Y/N tries to get a feel for how he feels about things with a strong amount of guilt eating away at her for saying no to his proposal. During their Christmas get together, Joel gets angry when people seem excited at the potential idea of Y/N being married to Negan.

Characters: Joel Miller, the reader (OC), Negan Smith, Tommy, Maria, Peter, Elizabeth, Siddiq, Rosita, etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60501985/chapters/159023956 Warnings: Swearing, Severe Angst, etc.

Notes: This is the second to last chapter. This is a long chapter with a lot of angst (I guess that's typical by now) -- thanks for taking the time to read this story! I appreciate anyone who did.

Today didn’t feel like Christmas. The time spent in New York with her family and Negan felt more like Christmas than today did. For some reason, there was a sense of negativity and sadness that lingered in Y/N’s heart. Things still felt off. Even after last night, something weighed heavy on her. It felt like the right thing to do with Negan and Joel having that talk, but she still felt guilty. Guilty about denying that job with Negan and telling him no to marriage. And then there was the house that he offered to get them if they stayed in this town. There were so many topics that she had to approach and she had no idea how to handle any of them. Including having Joel insist on having her marry him and not Negan.

Both Negan and Joel seemed to want this relationship for the three of them. Being together was not something they had a problem with. They showed that by the few times they had sex together. And? Yet? They both wanted to be married to her during this whole thing. And neither one of them seemed okay with the idea of not being married to her. Which truthfully? Made it so complicated and it stressed her out. More than she cared to admit.

Earlier Joel had woken up and left to go spend the morning with the children and Tommy. He assumed that the children, specifically Elizabeth would be worried about him if he didn’t. And really? He didn’t make a big deal of it. Negan was still sleeping, so he just kissed her goodbye and left. There seemed to be no tension, but things still felt…off? Maybe she was overthinking things, but she didn’t know.

“You’ve been quiet,” Negan commented causing Y/N to jump as his hands slid in over her hips from behind. Nuzzling his nose in against the side of her neck, he placed a loving kiss there and then wrapped her up in his arms. Squeezing her firmly, she leaned back into him accepting the hug that he was giving her. For hours the two of them had decided to bake and cook together. It was something she usually loved that took her mind off things and kept her busy, but today? It wasn’t working as well. Too many thoughts were running through her mind and there was an undeniable ache that was focused at the center of her chest. “I’m not used to it.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, dropping her hands to hook her fingers with his. Giving them a firm squeeze, she didn’t know what to say to make up for the way she was acting right now. “For some reason, my mind is just very busy.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Negan offered, peppering faint kisses at the side of her neck. It had her eyes coming to a tight close with a long sigh escaping her throat. It felt nice being like this. So why was she so upset?

“I don’t think today is the day to unload all of that because of what day it is,” she stammered, resting her head back against Negan’s shoulder. Having him cuddling her in his arms felt nice. Being with him was a wonderful feeling. So she didn’t understand why she was feeling the way she was. “I don’t want you worrying about me though.”

“I’m always going to worry about you,” Negan reminded her with a huff, his nose nuzzling in against the side of her face. His short beard scratched at her skin and it made her eyes come to a tight close again. “I love you. That’s what people do.”

Turning in his arms, she placed her hands firmly in over the center of his chest. Looking at Negan, he still seemed exhausted. And things did feel different after she turned down his proposal. It’s not like he was mad at her or angry. She just wondered if she broke his heart. And she didn’t like it. But it wasn’t that she was upset with him. Just before it felt like there was something light in their relationship. They were always happy and Negan brought forth the best feelings inside of her. Now? She didn’t know if she hurt their relationship to the point of making him miserable.

Palming up his chest, over the side of his neck and to his face had a faint smile tugging at his handsome features. As the warmth of her hand caressed at the side of his face, it had his long eyelashes fluttering to a close. Tipping up on her toes, she hovered her lips in over his hearing the faint exhale that escaped him at the imminent thought that she would kiss him. Rewarding him with the loving caress of her lips over his had his hands cupping her face in them loosely.

“I love you,” she whispered when they parted, leaving just enough room for her eyes to hook with his. Sweeping her thumb over his chiseled jawline had him smiling and giving her a firm nod. “So much. You know that, right?”

“Of course,” Negan assured her with a weak smile, but she couldn’t tell if it was honest or not. No one was better than Negan at plastering a smile over their face to pretend they were okay. “I love you too, very much.”

There was still pain in his hazel eyes and it hurt her so much to see it, but she tipped up on her toes to press another loving kiss over his lips. There was a silence between them when Negan lowered his head to nuzzle his nose in against the side of her face. Stroking her fingers at the back of his neck, her fingers sank into his hair causing him to sigh loudly.

“Y’know, I thought you’d be having your camera out today,” Negan tipped back attempting to change the subject. “You should be documenting today for yourself and the children.”

“Maybe I’ll do that when people start arriving,” she thought aloud tipping her head from side to side. What was strange is that today should have felt better. She was getting to spend the holidays with her whole family, including Joel and Tommy. Now having Negan here was a good thing. The previous holidays were hard because Joel was dating Tess at the time which meant that she was rarely included. But now they were all together for the holidays. It should have been something more positive. “Negan, I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Negan frowned, his expressive eyebrows furrowing. Maybe this was the wrong way to go about things, but she felt like she needed to apologize. Right now with the house smelling amazing from their baking and cooking, maybe they should have been focusing on that instead, but her mind was weighing heavy. With all the desserts and dinner that they had been working on, her stomach was rumbling, yet, she wasn’t hungry. “You’ve done nothing wrong. Other than get some egg on me earlier with the cookies.”

“For not being in the Christmas spirit I guess,” she came up with the first thing she could think of, but in reality she was really thinking about how she turned him down at that skating rink. Swallowing down hard, Negan simply shrugged his shoulders like he didn’t care. Christmas had always been her favorite holiday, but there was that depression that had set in. So much had been going on and it overwhelmed her to the point of her feeling bad. “I know you wanted today to be very different. Romantic…”

“I’ve enjoyed my morning with you,” Negan hushed her, placing his finger delicately over her lips to silence her. “Don’t apologize for something like that. Sometimes we all feel a little down and we can’t exactly help it.”

“You shouldn’t continue to be this nice to me Negan,” she insisted with a saddened breath. Truthfully? She never really felt like they got to that point of talking about what happened. “Your proposal was beautiful and I ran off on you.”

“It’s fine,” Negan shrugged it off, forcing himself to look away from her. That was a lie and she knew it. Grasping his chin between her thumb and index finger, she forced Negan to look at her. “What do you want me to say Y/N?”

“Be honest with me,” she responded, urging him to open up to her.

“Fuck, I don’t know what to say,” Negan reached up to pull her hand away from his face, grasping her hand firmly in his. “You just weren’t ready and it’s not what you wanted. I’m not going to be mad at you for it. You want something else and I’m going to find out what that is first. Everything else? We’ll figure out those details.”

“I still don’t think you’re being honest with me,” she stressed to him, shaking her head at his answer. “And that’s not the relationship that I’ve had with you. I think I broke your heart.”

“Does it make you feel better if I say yes?” he wondered, his hazel eyes narrowing with his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat.

Considering the question, she felt an ache growing at the center of her chest and she shook her head slowly, “No, not really.”

“Then why would I tell you that? The last thing I want to do is hurt you. So why don’t we just forget about it?” Negan suggested with a slight smile that just seemed like one of those fake ones that Negan had plastered on his face most of the time. Going to move around her toward the kitchen after placing a gentle kiss over her forehead, she stopped him by grabbing a loose hold of his wrist. Something about this was stressing Negan out. “I’m used to it Y/N…”

“Used to what?” she was trying to understand the things that he was feeling right now.

“Losing out to Joel,” Negan turned on his heel, his stare meeting hers again. Shrugging, it looked like he tried to say something more, but nothing else came out. Hearing that from Negan actually hurt more than she thought it would. “I’ve lost out to him my whole life Y/N.”

“That’s not what it was,” she tried to suggest, but Negan tipped his head to the side with his dimples becoming more prominent. Clearly he disagreed.

“Isn’t it?” Negan breathed out, throwing his hands up in the air. “I understand the job. You’re worried about the children? Okay. But refusing to marry me? Did that have anything to do with the children? Or was it because you still love Joel?”

There was a silence that came over them with Negan nodding his head, “See. I’ve been losing out to Joel in your eyes since he moved to this town. All it took was one look at him and you were in love with him. It didn’t matter how much I loved you or what I did, I wasn’t enough when it came to Joel. That night at the skating rink? It meant a whole lot more to me than it did you and I understand that. I just thought…I thought after everything you’d want to marry me. But you don’t. I think if Joel was still with Tess, you might have said yes, but since Joel is single? It’ll never happen. If Joel is an option, I’ll never have you. And I’ll have to learn to live with that. It just hurts. All I want to do is make you happy because I love you so fucking much. So I’m doing my best to hold down that sadness that I’m feeling. Because I don’t want to hurt you. Does what happened the other night hurt? Yes. Yes it does. But I’ll get over it. Just like I did when I was younger.”

Not sure what to say, she dropped her head down and heard Negan sigh loudly, “I was just too late again. Which seems to be my fate.”

“Negan,” she began, an undeniable lump growing in her throat. There was one thing that ate away at her this whole time. And she really believed it. She didn’t think she was good enough for Negan. She told Joel that she deserved better last night, but the more she thought about it? She really didn’t think she did. “I’m not good enough for you. You are everything women dream of having…”

“Listen, as upset as I am,” Negan placed his hand in over the center of his chest, “it doesn’t mean you are losing me Y/N. You still have me. I’m not going anywhere. I just have to realize that I’m going up against what? Two and a half decades of you being in love with Joel Miller? How does one compare to that?”

“Negan, you’re perfect,” she tried to reason with him, but he stepped forward with a hushing sound. Holding his hand up, he didn’t want her to continue. “I’m just saying…”

“I’m saying you’re wrong. I’m not perfect. I’m nowhere near it. Deep down? Joel Miller is probably a better man than I am. I know that. I fucked up bad for a while,” Negan explained to her, an evident sense of pain in his tone as he spoke. “So maybe he’s the one that deserves your love. And he’s the luckiest man in the world to have you love him as much as he does.”

“I don’t know how to make this better,” she confessed with a saddened exhale, hating that Negan seemed to be as upset as he was. “You have no idea how much I love you.”

“And I’m lucky you do,” Negan breathed out, stepping forward to palm down in over the side of her face. “I think you love me. I just think Joel Miller cemented himself in your heart and I’m not sure he’s ever leaving it.”

A tremoring breath escaped her throat with Negan saying what he did. Offering up a weak smile, he leaned down to give her a faint kiss, “How about we open our Christmas gifts early?”

“Negan,” she thought this was a conversation they really should have continued, but instead she realized that he just wanted to move on. “You don’t want to do that with everyone else here?”

Earlier they had already put all the presents out by the tree when they first had gotten up. Shaking his head, Negan led her toward the Christmas tree where all of the presents circled the bottom of it. Later she knew that Joel would undoubtedly feel bad about things because Negan went a little overboard with pampering Elizabeth and Peter.

Getting her to sit down on the couch, Negan went over toward the back of the Christmas tree where he had a bag leaning up against the wall. Moving in beside her, she noticed that there were multiple presents in there for her, “Negan?”

“Don’t worry, none of them are an engagement ring,” Negan joked, but she didn’t think it was funny considering the topic they were just talking about. Guilt was eating away at her and she knew that he could obviously tell that it was still bothering her. “It was a joke.”

Joke or not, it made her feel bad, “I just felt bad because I only got you one gift.”

“That’s okay,” he shrugged his shoulders, looking down at the items that were in his hands. “These aren’t that special anyways.”

Over the last few days, Negan had asked her to marry him. He bought a house that he said would be theirs if she wanted it. A house that was their childhood dream house. He got her a contract with a famous baseball team that she turned down and he offered to let her live her dreams that she had growing up. What else could this man possibly give her?

“Here, you can open this one first,” Negan held out the bigger item and she shakily accepted it. Stroking her fingers over it, it wasn’t hard to realize that it was some kind of book underneath the wrapping paper. Starting to open it, she realized that was exactly what it was. A vintage looking photo booklet. Taking the wrapping paper, Negan set it beside them on the floor and turned to her. “With the help of my mother, I made this. It was supposed to go with…” Negan paused wondering if he should say this or not. “It doesn’t matter.”

Opening the front cover, she felt a lump growing in her throat at the young photos of them together. This was meant to be a gift the night he asked her to marry him and she knew that. Flipping through the pages, guilt ate away at her. It had a whole timeline of them together up until Negan was seventeen. And then there was a massive period of time that was missing up until their date at the first party they attended together. Then there were tons of photos of them together from over the last few weeks including the children and Joel. Closing up the booklet, she fought the urge to cry. She didn’t know why, but instead she feigned a smile and leaned across to press a loving kiss in over his cheek.

“And this one is kind of…well, I guess it’s kind of lame,” Negan explained handing it over to her allowing her to open it up. Inside it was a very nice bracelet with a few stones in it. Pointing toward them, Negan cleared his throat and circled it with his finger. “It has your birth stone along with Peter’s and Liz’s. I thought it would be something nice for you to have.”

“That’s actually really nice,” she explained in an uneasy tone realizing this had to have been incredibly expensive. “Are you sure you want me to have this?”

“Of course I do,” Negan assured her, helping her with the bracelet. Putting it on her, Negan hooked it together, fumbling at first but then he gave her a smile. It was then she realized that the bracelet matched the ring that he had when he asked her to marry him. And there was the guilt again. It was a nagging, aching pain in the pit of her stomach. “It looks good on you.”

Setting out two more boxes, Negan put them before her on the coffee table and shrugged his shoulders, “These are kind of pointless. I guess. But I thought you’d like them.”

“How many more gifts do you have?” she wondered, sliding forward on the edge of the couch to reach out for one of them.

“Just these two,” Negan explained with her slowly opening the first one realizing that it was an addition to the Christmas village that she had set up in the nook of her front window. It looked like it was an extensive Christmas castle that had a lot of bells and whistles compared to the ones she usually bought on sale. “I figured since I bought you your first one, I’d add to the village. Give you some more pieces to remind you of me.”

Opening up the next gift, she gazed upon the box to see that it was another piece to add to her Christmas village of characters ice skating that were supposed to move. Everything Negan gave her had some kind of special meaning. He went above and beyond, yet he labeled these gifts as lame or not that special. When, in fact, they were very special.

Setting the boxes on top of the coffee table, she turned on the seat to lean across to hug Negan firmly in her arms. It took a moment for him to wrap her up in his arms to return the gesture. Cuddling her head in next to his, she stroked at the back of his neck and felt her heart pounding inside of her chest. Maybe the feeling right now she was feeling wasn’t guilt, but regret? Or maybe it was a mix of both. Negan was perfect in every way possible. Especially when it came to her. And he was more romantic than Joel was ever capable of being. So thinking back on saying no bothered her. Especially since she had him confirm for her that it broke his heart.

Even though she didn’t want to, she could feel that her eyes were burning. Tears were not something that she should have had right now. Pulling away from Negan, she tried to turn away from him to hide the emotions that were building up, “We’re going to have to add these to the town before tonight. Find a space or move some things around.”

“Hey,” Negan whispered, his finger curling in underneath her chin to get her to look at him. Trying to fight it, she knew that Negan wouldn’t give up on it so she finally looked to him. Sweeping his thumb against her cheek, Negan’s face scrunched up. “What’s wrong?”

“They are just very sweet gifts Negan,” she was honest with him in the sense that she truly believed they were very nice gifts. Turning toward his hand, she placed a faint kiss at his pulse point and lifted her hand to press it in against the back of his. “Now I kind of feel silly about the gift that I got you.”

Trying to avoid the inevitable deeper conversation that would lead to her undoubtedly crying, she got up from the couch and moved over toward the Christmas tree. Pulling out the gift she had gotten for him, she headed back to the couch. It was heavy and she knew that she had to be careful with it. Negan’s eyebrows bounced up with surprise seeing how heavy it was.

“Careful,” she warned, handing it off to him before taking a seat beside him. Setting it on the coffee table, he listened to her directions even in the way that he was unwrapping her gift. Once he finally got it unwrapped, she felt nervous with the way he was eyeing over the gift. It was a shadow box that she had gotten personally made for him. “It’s dedicated to your favorite football team, but I’m sure…obviously you can see that. It lights up when you plug it in. It’s supposed to be a miniature of the original stadium that you went to as a kid. This part is an autograph from your favorite player when we were kids and I guess this was a piece of his jersey.”

Instead of saying anything, he continued to eye over the piece and it made her feel self-conscious about the whole thing, “Now thinking about it, this was probably a really stupid gift to give you. You’re rich so you probably already have his autograph and this is probably a very stupid gift because it’s cheap. Well, it wasn’t cheap for me. But for you I imagine…”

“Hey!” Negan stopped her from continuing on, lowering the shadow box and giving her a big smile. “I love it, so please stop attacking the fuck outta my Christmas gift. Okay?”

“I just…” she noticed the expression he gave her and she huffed. After everything he had done for her, this all felt very poor in terms of a gift to give him. “Okay.”

“This is really cool,” Negan assured her looking it over again. “And it’s very personal as it’s my favorite, and, you remembering my favorite player from when we were kids? I think that’s awesome. It’s better than my gifts.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Your gifts always have so much thought in them,” she acknowledged feeling ridiculous that he had done so much for her and this is what she had pulled together for him. “I’m sorry it’s not better.”

“Knock it off,” Negan laughed, setting his gift carefully down on the coffee table before him. Turning to her, he reached for her hands and gave them a small squeeze. “You know how much I love my football. I think the gift is really fucking cool.”

Keeping one of her hands in his, Negan lifted the other and swept his thumb in over the curve of her jawline, “I love you and I’m just happy I get to spend today with you.”

“How are you not mad at me?” she finally let her emotions get the best of her, her eyes lifting to meet his. That whole not crying thing? Yeah, that was getting the better of her with everything going on. “What I did…”

“Please, don’t…” Negan hushed her, sliding forward to pepper kisses over her face when he realized that she was crying. They were soft and tender attempting to calm her. “I don’t want you to feel like this because of me.”

“I just feel guilty,” she declared, hating that she knew how much she genuinely loved Negan and how good he made her feel. “I want everything you offered, I do, but then I know I have all my responsibilities here and…”

“Joel,” Negan finished for her getting a groan from her and he could tell that the idea of Joel upset her. “I understand. We need to make things work for you in a way that makes you comfortable. And I’ve been thinking about everything. I still want you to travel with me during the last season. Even with the offer from the team, I think we could make every two weeks work? I have a friend that might be able to work with me the other two weeks. That way you can be with your family every two weeks like you were originally before I got here.”

“I don’t know,” she felt somewhat on the spot again realizing that he was attempting to make things work for her with the offer to have her work with him. “It’s something to think about. But I’m not sure it’s something I can just say yes or no to immediately.”

“I…I understand that. And?” Negan paused to consider what he was going to say next. “I still want to marry you. I still want us to live together, but I want you to want those things. And if you don’t, then I can accept that and the only thing I want…the only thing I need, is you in my life somehow. Because I love you and I love your family. I want to be around you, but I don’t want you sad. I want you happy.”

“I’m a mess,” she admitted with a frown realizing that even though she tried to settle things last night, they weren’t doing a great job with that. Either of them. Sliding in beside her, he managed to get her to tip her head back to press his lips in over hers. The faint caress was passionate and lingering managing to take her breath away like he always did. “I want you happy Negan and I feel like I won’t be able to make you happy.”

“Honey, just having you in my life again fucking makes me happy,” Negan promised her with a slight grin, nodding his head about. While there was some truth to that, she knew there was more there with him and it was hard. “I just love you and I want you content.”

There was so much she should have said, but instead she leaned forward to rest her head against his. Instinctively, Negan wrapped her up in his arms and held her close. A hug from Negan was what she really needed most right now. He always knew exactly what to do when she needed it and she loved that about him.

Even though he was saying this, she knew that he was avoiding the part where she inevitably broke his heart. The glow that Negan naturally had was gone. His smile was there, but she hurt him. Picking worrying about her over himself felt wrong.

All she had to do was get through today and then she could make her decision. Whatever that decision was supposed to be. Because right now, she had no idea.

They cooked for a while longer before she had Negan start to get ready. All day they were in their sweats together, just relaxing. It wouldn’t be too long before everyone started showing up and she would have to pretend that everything was okay.

Allowing Negan to take a shower first, she suggested that she had other things that she had to take care of before she got ready. Instead she sat on the bed flipping through the photo book that Negan had made for her of them together.

It was hard loving two men. There was no doubting that she loved both Negan and Joel. Joel was a significant part of her life and so was Negan. They both stood for a completely different time in her life. And they were so different, yet she loved them both.

Hearing the sound of the shower behind the open bathroom door, she set aside the photo booklet and pulled her clothes off. Moving into the bathroom, she reached for the shower door and pulled it open. Looking back over his shoulder at her, Negan gave her a charming smile and turned to face her as she joined him.

“I thought you had something to do?” Negan reminded her, reaching out to caress in over her sides when she stepped in under the water with him. By the way she was looking at him, he knew that her mind was still busy with overthinking things. Frowning, he pressed in closer to her and lowered down to deposit a faint kiss against her lips. “Y’know, you don’t have to marry me if you don’t want to. I didn’t think it would make you this upset.”

“No, that’s not completely it Negan,” she hushed him, caressing in over the side of his face. Closing his eyes, Negan leaned into her touch and the expression over his face made her heart race. “It’s hard to explain.”

“Make me understand,” Negan pled, hooking his fingers with hers and turning into her touch to place a kiss over the center of her palm.

“I’m not sure I even understand it,” she reasoned with him, shaking her head at the thoughts swirling around in her mind. “It’s been a long time since I’ve been as happy as I’ve been when I’m with you. I’ve been miserable until you showed back up into my life. Elizabeth and Peter were my only joys in life. When you came around? I started enjoying life again. I just panicked when you asked me to marry you and I responded so poorly. Both the guilt and the regret are flooding through me.”

“Regret about starting a relationship with me?” Negan wondered and she immediately shook her head.

“That I didn’t say yes,” she stated having a hard time looking at Negan. It didn’t last long because Negan was caressing over the side of her face leading her to look up at him. “You’re everything I want.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Negan questioned with a frown having her lean in to rest her head against the center of his chest. Stroking his fingers over her shoulders, Negan allowed her the moment to calm herself.

“Everything else. For so long I’ve put everyone else above my needs. Being with you? I’d finally get everything I dreamt of growing up. You can give me that life,” she thought aloud, tipping her head back slightly to look up at him with worry in her eyes. “But I haven’t been that person for almost twenty years Negan. I never deserved that life and what I’m meant to do is help those that are here.”

“Don’t you think it’s time that you even it out? Be there for those you love, but also allow yourself things that can make you happy?” Negan reasoned with her, knowing that she was being too hard on herself. “I don’t think it’s bad to want good things for yourself.”

Taking a moment to consider things, Negan sighed loudly and bit down on his bottom lip, “I know that he might think it’s weird, but this poly relationship thing? Joel might have a hard time with us being married at first, but I think if we work on it, this whole thing will be fine. Obviously, the three of us can’t all be married, but we can get him a ring, like a promise for the three of us. I don’t care what other people think about it and neither should you or Joel.”

“Have you seen the way people already talk about me on the internet?” she blurt out followed by Negan’s nose wrinkling and he snorted. These were all things that sounded nice, but she did know that Joel was right in the past. A lot of people would judge them for their decisions. “It’s not funny.”

“Have you seen the way the people on the internet talk about me?” Negan shot back, his eyebrows arching up when he shook his head firmly. “The internet is a cesspool of nasty people who thrive on negativity. They are so miserable in their own lives that they want to attack others to lift themselves up. I wouldn’t let anything on the internet bother you.”

“People think I’m using you and in a sense I feel like I am,” she claimed getting an eye roll from Negan. But these were things she let weigh heavy on her after she started thinking about them. “You’ve done so much for me Negan and what have I done for you?”

“If you think you have done nothing for me, you’re insane,” Negan retorted, cupping her face in his hands again. “Look at me,” Negan persuaded her to keep her eyes locked on his. There was a sadness in her features that made a sharp breath fall from his throat. “You mean everything to me. I went from being a man without reason and now, I realize why I’m still here. Why I couldn’t go through with ending things. I felt empty before we found each other again and now I don’t feel so broken.”

“But I broke your heart by not saying yes and I know that’s true,” she pushed the subject having Negan exhale loudly. “Don’t lie. You never lied before so don’t lie now.”

“Of course I’m disappointed. I love you, but in loving you I have to allow you to decide what is good and not good for you,” Negan reasoned out loud and she felt like this was something that he probably said to himself that night. “I love you and in loving you I want what’s best for you. You can’t make me happy by saying yes if it’s going to make you miserable. I don’t want that. I want you happy.”

“That’s the thing Negan, you make me happy,” she reasoned with him, caressing up over his chest and over the side of his neck. “I don’t doubt that with you I’m happy, it’s just I worry about the children and Joel has just been acting so…different.”

“Meaning?” Negan’s eyebrow arched in curiosity with her letting out a long exhale.

“Meaning he swears he doesn’t mind the three of us being together, but he wants me to be married to him and not you. You both don’t mind this poly relationship, but you both want to be married to me,” she informed Negan who scoffed, looking down while shaking his head. “You’re not happy with that?”

“I’m not surprised by that,” Negan replied back with a snort and she let out a tense breath. One thing she wanted to be was honest with Negan. Since that’s what he was with her. “I know you love him too, so it makes things hard.”

“I can see that you’re upset,” she frowned and it had Negan tipping his head from side to side. “That’s why I tried to talk about the relationship between the three of us last night. I needed to know that you were all okay with it, but I feel like we’re not.”

“We’re okay with it, but we both want to be married to you while we’re doing it,” Negan repeated what he had learned, his chest aching at the idea of it. “Listen? I meant what I said. I’m good with the three of us being together. I want to make him happy just like I want to make you happy. I feel things deeply for Joel. Things that can grow into love. Right now? I love him. But I don’t love him like I love you. I don’t think it should be hard for him to have you married to me while we’re together though.”

“I think it’s going to be hard regardless because one of you is going to feel like you lost out,” she reasoned with a frown. “I don’t think I’m this big prize that both you and Joel seem to think I am. Because I’m not.”

“Then you’re blind to things,” Negan scoffed, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “Listen, I don’t want to persuade you one way or another. I mean it when I say that I’m okay with this relationship being the three of us. And I will be open about it. And I won’t treat him bad because I want to progress these feelings that I have for Joel, but at the end of the day? I’d like to be married to you. If something happens to me, I want whatever I have to go to you and the kids.”

“Nothing is going to happen to you,” she hushed him, hating that the conversation was going in that direction. The topic was already heavy as it was.

“Regardless, I want you to do what you want to do,” Negan repeated what he had said many times. “If you want to marry me, marry me. If you want to marry him, marry him. You’re not losing me either way. As long as you want me? I’m not leaving. And I’m not upset by the idea of the three of us being together. A lot of people snub their nose at poly relationships and if I’m in one, I won’t hide it. I’ll support both you and him equally. I want you to travel and live your life. I want him to start singing and him to live his dreams too.”

“You’re too good to me,” she hinted to Negan with him lowering down to nuzzle his nose in against hers. It had a sharp breath escaping her lips and she closed her eyes. “I love you, so much.”

“I love you too,” Negan whispered, his hands caressing at the sides of her face. “My biggest mistake was not fighting hard enough for you when we were younger. I just let Joel win. And that’s why we are in this position right now. I gave up and I should have never done that.”

“I still blame myself for back then. You were devoted, sweet and everything that I could ever dream for, but my heart was set on Joel,” she realized the mistake that she made when she was a teenager with Joel and Negan. There was something in Negan’s eyes where he looked uncomfortable and she was curious where that was headed. “What? What is it?”

“I just want you to be most comfortable with whatever it is you decide between me and him,” Negan had taken a long time to consider what it was that he wanted to say. “If you think you trust him more than me…”

“It’s not about that, you I trust more than anyone,” she hushed him sliding her hands up over his shoulders. Hooking her arms loosely around them, she tipped up to faintly kiss at his bottom lip. It had his long eyelashes fluttering to a close and she realized that the hot water was starting to just get warm nearing cold. “You make me the happiest other than my children. I just worry that I won’t be the woman that makes you as happy as you make me.”

“That’s fucking silly,” Negan hushed her, pressing another kiss to her lips. “Because you already make me the happiest I’ve been in a very long time.”

“I don’t know why,” she whispered, having him lower down to bring their lips together again in a passionate sweep. Wrapping her up in his arms, Negan held her close and she felt safe. Comfortable. The most relaxed she had all day. “I’ve fucked up so much.”

“How?” Negan was still unaware of why she was being so hard on herself for everything. Parts of it, he understood. But to this extent? Not really.

“I feel like I’m forcing you into things. And him too. You both tell me that you’re comfortable with the three of us together, but both of you want me to marry you…” she rambled out loud and Negan smirked and shook his head.

“I am okay with the three of us together,” Negan declared, sweeping his thumb across her bottom lip. “You’re not forcing anything. And you aren’t with him either. So don’t go thinking that.”

“But with you asking me to marry you,” she began and he hushed her to get her to focus on him and not her fears again.

“I love you,” Negan whispered in her ear, depositing another faint kiss there. “That’s all that matters to me. So please, for your Christmas with your family, allow yourself to have a good day. Stop worrying about me. Stop worrying about Joel and enjoy your day. Things can work themselves out tomorrow. Okay? But today, just relax and let it be Christmas.”

“Yes sir,” she gave him a weak smile, accepting another quick kiss from him. Welcoming another hug, she let this one last longer than it probably should have.

They finished with their shower and then got ready for their Christmas get together. Even though it was a small group of people, they dressed nicely. It was Christmas, sometimes it was okay to make an event out of things.

Negan’s mother was the first person to arrive because she had gifts for the children that Negan helped her carry in to put around the tree. Pretty quickly it was obvious that Negan’s mother was hopping into the role of a grandparent for them because she had gotten them quite a bit as well. They were no question pampered this year with all the people giving them gifts.

Rosita, Siddiq and Coco were the next to arrive. And they were there for a while before Joel showed up with the children along with Tommy and Maria. When they arrived, she was surprised how relaxed everything seemed to be. Joel hugged Negan when he came in and then kissed her on the cheek. There wasn’t as much tension as she had been expecting between them. Tommy explained to them that he was to blame for them being later because they had gone to Maria’s family brunch beforehand.

Everyone mingled for a little while before they decided to go straight to opening Christmas gifts. Dinner was still cooking in the oven and she was pretty sure that the children were excited to see everything under the Christmas tree. Even though they were teenagers, they still had their youth to them when it came to gifts.

This is where she got to take the time to take photos of everyone like Negan had told her she should do. What was nice was how well Negan and Joel were interacting. Both of them were sitting on the floor with Peter and Elizabeth by the tree helping them pass out the gifts that were there. Surprisingly, if Joel was jealous about the gifts that the children got, he didn’t make a big deal about it. Instead he would show the same excited energy they would when showing him things. And it was a nice thing to see.

After all the presents were opened, Peter and Negan were sitting in front of the television playing one of the games that Negan had gotten for him. Elizabeth was sitting and talking with everyone else. But Joel? He was alone standing over by the fireplace gazing upon the photos that were over the mantle.

“Hey,” she whispered, moving in beside him having Joel gaze over his shoulder to give her a weak smile. Curling her fingers around his wrist, she urged him to turn toward her until her fingers hooked with his. “Your gift is somewhere else. Follow me.”

Leading Joel up the stairs toward the attic, this was when she took notice of the fact that Joel was more casually dressed than everyone else tonight. He was in a pair of work boots, jeans and a plaid button down with a white t-shirt underneath. It was a typical Joel Miller look. Truthfully, it’s what she expected from him.

“Is your gift a quickie or…?” Joel teased with a tip of his head, a tiny snort escaping his throat when they reached the ladder of the attic. A firm shove to his shoulder made him snicker, but he bowed before her. “Ladies first.”

“Don’t stare up my dress,” she ordered causing him to eye over her body.

“I wasn’t going to do that, but then you mentioned it and now I’m going to,” Joel announced with her glaring down at him after she already started to climb up the ladder. “Don’t give me that look. I like what’s underneath that dress, so it would be hard for me not to look.”

“I don’t know what I expected,” she continued up the ladder, being careful in pulling herself up. Waiting for Joel at the top, she felt nervous in the moment. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea for her to have pulled Joel away from the rest of the group. Once Joel got up into the attic, he motioned her to wait and turned on the string lights that he had hung for her giving it more of a Christmas feel. There was a silence that fell over them when he stepped before her rubbing his hands together. When she said nothing, his eyebrows bounced up in amusement. “Oh! Right. Your gift.”

Throwing her finger up, she headed over toward his gift to grab it, “I put it up here so it didn’t get damaged. I wanted to keep it safe and people were less likely to fuck with it up here.”

“Damn, so it really was a gift. I was hoping it would be a blowjob or a quickie of some kind for real,” Joel snickered when she returned, giving him another frustrated glance. “Hey! You can’t blame a guy for trying. I worked really hard to make you that nook and we’ve yet to have sex there. I think I deserve a good romp under the stars for doing all of that.”

“Are you Joel or Negan right now?” she couldn’t help but laugh at what he was saying having Joel dramatically shrug. They both laughed as he accepted the gift that she was holding out toward him. Starting to open it, Joel swallowed down hard when he saw the oversized canvas of him with a young Elizabeth and a freshly newborn Peter in the hospital. “I knew that was one of your favorite photos when we were together. I got that done since you have that free space over the fireplace that you kept complaining about every time I’d come over in the past.”

“Tommy actually got me a painting of a ranch that has horses on it. He gave me it for my birthday and we stuck it up there,” Joel explained to her and it immediately had the color draining from her face. Stammering, Joel held his hand up and shook his head. Well shit, there he went again making her feel like her gift wasn’t any good. “This is perfect though. I’m going to make sure to move that and put this up there instead. I’ll put the other painting in my room.”

“You don’t have to do that,” she frowned, standing before Joel with an uneasiness in her body. “I just knew you always liked that photo and I guess I should have gotten a more recent photo of all of you, but it was one of the last times I knew you were genuinely happy and…”

“I love it,” Joel assured her, clinging tightly to the gift giving her a firm nod. “It’s perfect.”

There was the silence again. Awkwardly, Joel pulled his stare from her and lowered it down to gaze over the canvas that she had done, “Why did you pick something that didn’t have you in it?”

“For obvious reasons,” she whispered, surprised that was his first question. “I had it done before everything happened. I didn’t even know you had broken up with Tess by the time I ordered it. So, I was just trying to think of something I thought you would like.”

“You went out and had this done for me when you thought I was still with Tess?” Joel repeated noticing that she gave him a weird expression.

“I’ve always given you gifts for Christmas Joel. Even when we weren’t together,” she noted, folding her arms in front of her chest. Had he really forgotten all the things she had done for him even when they were divorced? She never forgot his birthday or Christmas.

“Did you give him the gift?” Peter’s voice called out from the ladder making the both of them jump. Somehow Peter had managed to be incredibly quiet making his way up there. When he saw his father holding onto the canvas, Peter gave a big cheesy smile. “I told mom you’d like it!”

“Yeah, I love it,” Joel lifted it to show Peter the photo. “This was the last time you weren’t such a pain in the butt.”

“Haha, so funny,” Peter moved in beside Joel having his father wrap his arm around his shoulders. Patting his father on the abdomen had Joel grunting and Peter nodded toward Y/N. “So, what’d you get mom? Or did you not give it to her yet?”

“I…uh…” Joel’s face went red, his brown eyes looking her over. Releasing Peter, Joel set the canvas down letting it rest against the wall. Shoving his hands into his pockets, Joel looked around the finished attic. “This was supposed to be her Christmas gift buddy. I spent a pretty penny on it.”

“Oh,” Peter muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets and giving a simple shrug. What was interesting was how much what he did just mirrored his father. “That’s cool I guess. A little lame considering it’s Christmas. People want things that they can open.”

“Hey,” Y/N hushed Peter, shaking her head not wanting Joel to feel bad about the whole thing.

Silence followed before Peter pointed down toward the ladder again, “We should go have dinner! My stomach is rumbling. It smells like the turkey is about to be done.”

“I’ll come check it in a minute,” Y/N assured her son who gave another nod. Realizing that Peter came up here to remind her of the rather large dinner that he was desperate to get his hands on. Y/N looked to Joel who was still eyeballing the gift she gave him. “Sorry it’s not something better.”

“No, I like it,” Joel held his hand up to suggest that it was fine, but she still felt a little silly. Pushing his hands into his pockets, Joel rocked back and forth on his feet. Both Negan and Joel’s gifts felt good at the time she was getting them, but now she felt very self-conscious about the both of them. “I should have gotten you a Christmas gift.”

“Like you said, this was more than enough,” she circled her finger in the air toward the area that surrounded them. Then it made her think about something. Negan wanted to buy that house that was their dreamhouse when they were children if they stayed in this town. Joel had just spent so much time fixing up the attic that she had asked him for. The one thing she wanted so badly when they lived here for quite some years. Joel would be furious with her if she told him that. “Thanks Joel.”

“You fell for that?” Joel scoffed with her heading back toward the ladder to leave the attic. “After everything? You think I didn’t learn anything?”

“Come again?” she didn’t know where Joel was headed with things as he motioned her to move away from the opening in the floor.

“I obviously have a gift for you,” Joel replied, biting down on his bottom lip. Reaching for something from his pocket, Joel pulled out a small box that was there. Suddenly she felt panicked seeing it. “I fucked up in the past when I didn’t get you a gift for our anniversary other than those flowers. You wanted me to show that I’ve learned and that I’m growing as a person,” Joel rambled urging her to turn around for him. “Close your eyes.”

“Joel?” she hoped to God that it wasn’t a ring considering everything that had been going on. Huffing, he spun his finger in a circle asking her to turn around. So she did what he asked of her. Turned away and closed her eyes. Hearing him fumbling, she was thankful when she felt something cool resting at the center of her chest. After Joel was done, he placed a delicate kiss over the side of her neck.

“Now you can look,” Joel instructed and when he heard the sound she made, he realized that she must have seen it.

“You found it?” she turned on her heel to look back at Joel who gave her a weak smile but shook his head. Between her fingers she was holding onto the gift he had given her. “How then? It looks exactly like the old one.”

“Just with newer materials,” Joel reasoned with her while she gazed upon the locket that he had personally made for her. “I found a photo of you wearing it. So I did what I could to make you a new one. I put the same photos in it…”

The locket was heart shaped with a compass engraved on the front. There were a few jewels of some kind that were red in the design. Opening the locket, she gazed upon the photo on the left side that was of her with Joel and Elizabeth. On the right was a photo of all of them with Peter. Smirking, she stroked her thumb in over the locket and felt tears burning at her eyes.

For the longest time, the original just had the one photo with Elizabeth, but when they had Peter, she had gotten another photo added to it. The original had been one of her favorite gifts, but she had unfortunately lost it at a school function that they had on the beach with Elizabeth when she was younger. It wasn’t until she had gotten home that she realized that she had lost it. At the time she assumed the clasp must have broken. She was so heartbroken that when Joel came home that night, he immediately went to the beach and crawled around in the sand looking for it. But he never found it. No matter how long they looked for it. And that was something that had devastated her because it was a gift that had been given to her when they really didn’t have much money as a family.

“It looks like the original,” she pointed out, her eyes tearing over. Lifting her head up, she knew that Joel was proud of his gift. Lowering the locket back down, she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Joel’s shoulders. “Thank you. This was very sweet.”

“Of course,” Joel pressed a faint kiss over her cheek. When she pulled away it looked like he wanted to say something else, but instead he led her over toward the ladder. Made sure that he got down first before helping her get down safely.

Peter was right, dinner was ready and Negan had already started preparing everything for her with her gone. So she helped him finish, putting out the food allowing people to plate what they wanted before heading into the dining room.

Y/N was seated at the end of the table. On her right was Negan and on her left was Elizabeth. Joel was between both Elizabeth and Peter. Tommy was on the other end with both Maria and Siddiq deep in conversation. People seemed to really enjoy talking and there were a lot of compliments about her food she made with Negan. Everyone was pretty loud while they talked which meant they were enjoying themselves.

“So where’s your ring?” Elizabeth blurt out when there was a moment of silence, getting her mother’s attention. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Negan had gone pale with him shaking his head. It was in that moment she realized that she hadn’t told her daughter that she didn’t accept Negan’s proposal. Part of her thought Joel would have told her when he got home today, but he obviously hadn’t. Everyone’s attention was now on them with her feeling suddenly on the spot. “You should tell us about everything. All the details. What it was like.”

“What ring?” Peter blurt out with a mouthful of food, his dark eyes looking between his mother and Negan. Neither one of them spoke since they both equally had no idea what to say. “What’s she talking about?”

“Negan asked mom to marry him,” Elizabeth explained before they could say anything. A loud choking sound fell from Negan with him patting at his chest. Rosita let out a sound of awe visibly thinking that they were officially engaged. Tommy started talking about it to Maria who was eager to congratulate them. “It was really cute. He had me help him set up this video of all these small clips of him and mom from when they were younger. We got all of these rose pedals and set it up so that when he asked her to marry him they would fall down from the ceiling. It was at a skating rink where I guess they had their first kiss as children.”

“Goddamn girl, you need to show us your ring,” Rosita expressed her wow over hearing what Elizabeth had just told them. Looking to Siddiq, she swatted at his shoulder and huffed. “You could have been way more romantic when you asked me.”

“Congrats you two,” Tommy’s southern drawl came out from across the table. It had Joel looking down at his plate poking at his food. There was an irritation growing in Joel and she could tell that he didn’t like everyone being so happy at the idea of her with Negan. “Are you two getting married on New Years like Negan wanted to do?”

“You knew Negan was going to ask her to marry him?” Joel snapped, his head lifting immediately to stare at his brother. Dropping his fork that was in his hand made a loud clinking sound fill the room with everyone at the table going silent.

“Yeah, he talked to me about it in New York,” Tommy explained, swallowing down hard with the way that Joel was glaring at him. It was like he had deceived Joel in some fashion by not telling him about it.

“You wanted to get married on New Years?” Y/N whispered to Negan, surprised that it was his idea to get married so quickly. Instead of responding to her, Negan just looked down toward his lap and swallowed down hard.

“You two are getting married?” Peter blurt out with an amused rumble of a sound. Truthfully? Peter didn’t seem to upset at the idea of it. “So that means that my stepdad is going to be a professional baseball player?”

“Is that all that you care about?” Joel snapped at Peter which had everyone tense. The outrage confused Peter who slowly chewed what was in his mouth. “What happened to wanting your parents to get back together? I thought you would be upset at the idea.”

“Well, yeah, but after four years I didn’t think that would ever happen. I just…Negan is really cool,” Peter tried to explain to his father, shifting uncomfortably in his seat once he realized that Joel was upset about everything. “Having Negan around lately has been really fun. I just thought it would be cool to say my mom was married to Negan Smith.”

“Who is only going to be a baseball player for another year,” Joel reminded Peter and it made Negan laugh at the end of the table. There was a fire flooding through Joel’s veins when he looked to Negan who had his head lowered and he was pinching at the bridge of his nose. “Is something funny?”

“No, nothing is funny,” Negan stammered, not even bothering to lift his head to look at Joel. “I just feel like whenever we make progress, something happens that knocks it back down. It’s like you can’t help but throw in a diss every chance you get. It doesn’t matter how nice I am to you. What I do for you. Or how you feel about me, you just always have to make a smart remark about how I’m not as good or as perfect as people think I am.”

“I’m only speaking the truth,” Joel countered, throwing his hands up in the air and he could tell that he made everyone uncomfortable with his outburst. “You are only going to be a professional ball player for another year. It’s only a year’s worth of bragging. Because let’s be honest, once you retire, no one is going to give a fuck.”

“Joel,” Tommy spoke up, his expression showing that he was embarrassed at his older brother’s response to things. “Maybe now isn’t the time to act like this.”

“I’m not taking away from their special moment,” Joel claimed, placing his hand in over the center of his chest and pointing the other one toward Y/N and Negan. “She didn’t even say yes to him anyways. They aren’t engaged.”

“Negan?” his mother looked to him and it was clear that Negan hadn’t even told his own mother that she didn’t say yes.

“You didn’t?” Elizabeth was shocked to hear that very thing because she was almost certain that her mother would have told Negan yes. At this point, Y/N looked completely overwhelmed and she wasn’t looking at anyone. “Why?”

“Because she doesn’t want to be with him,” Joel snorted as if it was an obvious answer. It had Negan pushing his chair back and getting up from the table. Tossing his napkin down on the table, Negan walked out of the dining room and left an uncomfortable silence amongst them all. “What?”

“Nice,” Y/N breathed out, getting up from the table to follow Negan which left Joel alone with everyone that was there.

“Was that necessary?” Tommy grunted under his breath realizing that Joel seemed to be entirely focused on Y/N leaving the dining room. “You should be happy for them. If it gives her the chance at happiness…”

“You know, I think I saw some great looking desserts in the kitchen,” Maria announced getting up from the table and moving over toward Peter and Elizabeth to place her hand in over their shoulders. “How about the two of you take me in the kitchen and we could look at what we might want. What do you say?”

----

“Negan,” Y/N called out moving into the backyard to see that he was standing at the corner of her deck. It was snowing and the Christmas lights that she had hanging out there were the only things that were illuminating over him. Moving in beside him, she pressed her hand in over his shoulder to give it a firm squeeze. “You have to ignore him, he has no idea how to keep his mouth shut sometimes.”

“That’s me, not Joel,” Negan corrected her giving a firm shake of his head, letting out a tense breath. “I’m the one that can’t keep my mouth shut. Joel was the quiet brooding one. Yet, when he gets the chance to attack me, he can’t help but do it. What did the two of you talk about when I was sleeping last night?”

“What does…” she paused to consider what he was asking her. “I don’t understand why you are asking me that. I told you that he mentioned that I should be married to him and not you. Elizabeth had told him about the proposal. He came over while you were sleeping. Elizabeth was worried that she hadn’t heard back from me…”

“And you told him that you didn’t want to be with me?” Negan was attempting to put two and two together.

“No, that’s not what I told him,” she denied that thought immediately, throwing her hands up in the air hoping to get him to realize that she meant what she said. “We bickered. I told you, I’m just confused about all of this Negan. We all had that conversation last night because I thought we should take time focusing on the three of us first. Then working everything else out.”

“I honestly don’t understand why you’re so fucking upset,” Joel interrupted the two of them moving in behind them. It had them looking back at Joel who had his hands shoved into his pockets. “The whole idea of the conversation last night was to talk about the three of us being together. Yet you’re still so fucking focused on her being married to you. So what if she doesn’t want to be married to you? She doesn’t want to be married to me either.”

“I’m not doing this,” Negan forced himself to look away from Joel shaking his head and bracing his hands at the side of the deck. “I’m not fighting with you again. There is no sense to it.”

“Well, now that we’re talking about the whole marriage thing, I’m a little fucking surprised you never told me when the two of us were hooking up that you were going to ask my ex-wife to marry you,” Joel snapped, his jaw flexing in frustration. “That was something that you should have brought up to me.”

“It was none of your business,” Negan muttered under his breath, the vein at the side of his neck bulging.

“Joel, now is not the time,” she begged of Joel, holding her hands up in the air to try to keep him from talking any further about things.

“No, I think this is something that does need to be talked about because it was just something that was pushed under the rug,” Joel stepped forward, shrugging his shoulders as he spoke. “We talked about this trio relationship between us, but I’m not asked if I’m okay with him proposing to you? If we’re supposed to be equals in this relationship, don’t you think I have a fucking say? Shouldn’t I have been asked in the first place.”

“Alright, if you want to go there,” Negan turned, bracing his back when he turned to face Joel and Y/N. “Why do you talk about me like I’m a piece of shit? You can’t help but diss me every chance you can. Even in front of the children. Was what you just said necessary? Downplaying my importance to the game.”

“I’m just letting my kid know that if the only reason he wants you to be his stepfather is because you’re a fucking baseball player that he’s going to be highly disappointed because it won’t last long,” Joel defended himself knowing that it was the jealousy of his son being excited at the idea of Negan being married to Y/N that provoked him to say that. “You’re nothing after that.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Negan snarled knowing that Joel was still attempting to make him feel bad. “You really have a dick up your ass, y’know that?”

An uncomfortable breath fell from Joel’s throat and it made Negan laugh, “Never mind. You’re actually easier to be around when you do have a dick up your ass.”

“Don’t say shit like that around my family,” Joel warned Negan, pulling his right hand out from his pocket to point directly at Negan.

“Yeah, because big bad Joel couldn’t handle his family knowing that he likes both men and women, right?” Negan snapped at Joel, his eyes rolling dramatically and his head bobbing about almost in a mocking way. “Y’know, I think if you actually took time to start accepting yourself for who you are, you might not be such an asshole and you might start to actually like yourself.”

“Joel, go back inside,” Y/N begged of Joel, frustrated that he even followed her out here in the first place. “Please.”

“No, you know what,” Joel urged Y/N to step aside when he moved before Negan. “Yeah, you’re right. I should be able to open myself up to the idea of my children knowing who I am. But I have a question for you. Since we’re going back and forth. Did you ever think that maybe you were overstepping when you asked my wife to marry you? We both know that she didn’t say yes to you because she still loves me.”

“Ex-wife. And everyone knows that she loves you, but it doesn’t mean she wants to be with you Joel,” Negan stammered, his voice showing hurt. “She doesn’t know what she wants because you keep fucking with her head.”

“Or maybe she just actually loves me and you’re the one fucking with her head,” Joel retorted, the top of his nose wrinkling when he stepped in closer to Negan. “Everything was fucking fine until you came back Negan.”

“Was it? Because she was fucking miserable,” Negan snarled at Joel, the lines in his forehead growing with how angry Joel was making him. “Everyone fucking tells me how fucking sad she was before she started spending time with me again. You made her fucking miserable and she was sad. It took her finding me again to have some sense of happiness. It took me to give you happiness too Joel. If it wasn’t for me, she would still be furious with you about what she found on your fucking laptop. I’m the one that keeps telling her to give you a second chance because I understand that sometimes we make mistakes in our fucking life. I make the both of you happy. Without me…”

“Oh yeah? You make her happy?” Joel commented with a deep rumble of a southern drawl. Negan nodded and Y/N found herself wishing that this never was happening in the first place. “Then why the hell didn’t she tell you yes? If she loved you and she genuinely loved you, she would have told you yes when it came to marrying you. And you fucking know it.”

“Because of you and the children,” she screamed out getting both Negan and Joel to look back at her surprised that she finally erupted. “Goddamn it, stop poking at him and trying to hurt him all the time Joel. I love both of you. Negan understands that, why can’t you?”

“What do you mean me and the children?” Joel grumbled, giving his attention to her now. “It means that you love us and you want to be with us, right?”

“It means that right before Negan asked me to marry him, he offered me everything I’ve ever wanted. The life I always dreamt of when I was younger. They asked Negan to be the coach of the team after he retires. And with that deal? He managed to get me a deal with the team where I could be a journalist, take photos and travel the world with him and I’d be making a lot of money doing it too,” she informed Joel with a saddened breath, looking between both men. “And while it sounded nice and every part of me wants to accept it, I know I can’t because I have both Elizabeth and Peter here. They need me. I can’t be on the road all the time with Negan following him down to spring training and around the country for games when they have school. They need a mom. I can’t leave them. So while it would be nice to actually do the things that I always dreamt of, I know that I can’t because I have to put them above me. And then with you…”

She paused, Joel was listening intently with his brown eyes locked on her, “You are always going to be loved by me Joel. Negan isn’t wrong. I love the both of you very much. And I know that you have a lot of weight on your shoulders and sometimes I have to be here to help carry that weight when things go wrong. You count on me just as much as the children do.”

“That’s why you told Negan no?” Joel stammered, confusion flooding his face.

“I don’t know,” she was honest with Joel, her face hot with embarrassment. “I don’t want to break your heart. And I don’t want to break his heart. But no matter the choice I make, I feel like I’m going to hurt someone and I don’t want to do that.”

“I can’t believe you,” Joel seemed disgusted with Negan when he returned his attention back to him. Stepping forward, he shoved firmly into Negan’s shoulders having him grunt. “You’re all pro this relationship, but you don’t tell me shit? You don’t respect me.”

“You weren’t my top priority at the time. I was working to get you the music deals,” Negan replied back doing his best to keep his hands down at his sides with how angry Joel was getting.

“You only did that because you wanted me to be satisfied with you trying to marry her and take her away from here,” Joel thought aloud causing Negan to smirk and shake his head. “What other reason would you have Negan?”

“Musicians fucking travel Joel. I thought whatever city we were in, we could get you a deal where you sang in that city. We’d bring the children with us,” Negan explained his thought process, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat. “You know that you have people interested in working with you now because of everything. I can make your dreams happen, just like I can hers. But you both are so stuck within yourselves that you won’t allow me to give them to you.”

“And what am I supposed to do with my job that I already have?” Joel snapped at Negan who simply shrugged his shoulders. “You have an answer for everything.”

“Let Tommy run it. You’re the owner, but the owner isn’t always around,” Negan reasoned with him evoking a scoff from Joel. “And not to be an asshole Joel, but asking her to marry me, I didn’t need to ask your permission. You already had your chance with her being her husband. You shouldn’t have a problem with her being married to me because you’re not going to be left out.”

“I already had my chance?” Joel repeated what Negan said, his southern drawl sounding incredibly angry. “What makes you think she would be happier being married to you? The man who is actually known to physically cheat on his spouse? You’re not the man she should marry. It should be me because…”

“Yes, please tell me how much better you are for her than I am,” Negan dramatically threw his hands about, mocking Joel by adding a bit of an accent to his voice. “I offer you both the job of your dreams and I’m the fucking villain. Why? Because I asked her to marry me?”

“Please for the love of God stop,” she finally interrupted them, frustrated that they were still fighting over her. “If you two are so fucking desperate to be married, why don’t you two get married? I’ll be the third wheel. And I’ll happily take it. You two get married. I’ll support it!”

“No,” both of them muttered at the same time.

“I don’t know why you can’t just tell him that you want to be married to me while we’re together,” Joel reasoned with her, pointing between all of them. “I’m the love of your life. Not him. You said no to him because of how you feel about me.”

“I said no to him because I was emotional about the idea of the job, Joel. I didn’t think I could handle being away from my family that long. My family needed me. If he would have asked out of order, I don’t know what I would have told him,” she was honest having a hard time looking at Joel when she thought about the whole situation. “You’re all I’ve ever known Joel and it’s scary picturing a life with someone else. Away from everything you know. Everything you’ve grown used to.

“So you’re not saying yes to Negan or taking the job because of us?” Peter called out and it had both her and Joel turning nervously toward the back door shocked to see that both the children were standing there. “Mom, that’s silly.”

“We’re teenagers now. I’m going to be going to college soon,” Elizabeth informed her with a saddened breath, her dark eyes narrowing when she stepped forward. Negan had his head down and his hands were in his pockets with his breathing loud. “I know you, you’re still going to be a good mom wherever you are.”

“I don’t want you not to live your dream because of us,” Peter noted, shrugging his shoulders and shaking his head from side to side. “And I don’t care who you are married to. Whether it’s dad or Negan, I just want you happy.”

“We both want you happy,” Elizabeth repeated her brother’s sentiment, giving her mother a nod of approval and it was one of the first times that these two actually agreed on anything. “I didn’t think I would want you to be with anyone other than dad, but Negan makes you happy. And that’s what matters most to me. So if you make a decision, please don’t do it based off of us. We just want you happy.”

“I love you guys,” Y/N breathed out and it was obvious that she was crying by the way that she sounded. “But it’s a little bit harder than that.”

“Why?” Peter stammered, stepping forward to try to appeal to his mom. “We both know you’re a good mom. And if dad is getting calls about being a singer, why can’t you both be happy? Having us shouldn’t be the thing that holds you back from being happy. We’re both old enough to understand things. And we’d support you.”

“How much did you hear?” Joel breathed out having his chest aching when they looked to him.

“Enough to say that if you did what mom said, we’d support you too,” Elizabeth pointed between both Negan and Joel. “We don’t care who you like dad. We just want you happy too.”

“I’d still brag about you marrying Negan too,” Peter offered up with a simple shrug getting Negan to snicker at the idea of it. “I’d happily tell people my dad was married to Negan Smith. It wouldn’t embarrass me one bit. We love you and mom. And Negan is part of our family now too.”

“You raised us better than to care about those kind of things,” Elizabeth stepped in beside Joel who swallowed down hard with his daughter giving his upper arm a firm squeeze. “At the end of the day, we just want you guys to be happy. Pick what you want to do with your lives because it’s what you want. Not because you’re afraid of us being upset. Because we will be fine. We’ll make things work wherever we are.”

“I’d brag that my mom worked for the baseball team I loved. I’d brag that my dad was a singer. I’d also brag that my parents were both with Negan Smith. I don’t give a fuck,” Peter continued on having Y/N scoff behind him with the language. “Sorry mom. I’m just trying to make a point here. I know that men like men sometimes. I know that men like men and women sometimes. And all that stuff. I wasn’t raised to hate anyone. Nor do I care what anyone else thinks. Yeah, it’s complicated. But what isn’t in life?”

“That’s the most mature I think you’ve ever sounded,” Elizabeth teased her brother, placing her hand in over his shoulder. “We love all three of you. We don’t want you to keep fighting. We don’t. Whatever happens. We love you.”

There seemed to be tears in Joel’s eyes when he gave the children a firm nod, “Thank you two. It means a lot hearing that and one day, I will talk to the both of you, but right now I think the three of us need some privacy to finish things up here. Okay?”

“Just let me leave you with this,” Elizabeth started, waving her hand about in the air between all three of them. “If I was stuck in a position where I had the chance to have everything I ever wanted, you and dad would tell me to do it. Because you want what’s best for me. Well neither of you have your parents here to tell you that it’s okay. So listen to me and Peter then. It’s okay. We’ll be okay. Do what makes you happy. Because we’re along for the ride no matter what.”

There was a broken breath that fell from Joel as Y/N stepped forward to wrap Elizabeth up in her arms to give her a big hug. Pressing a kiss against her temple, Y/N turned to do the same thing with Peter before ushering them back into the house after telling them she loved them.

“See,” Negan spoke up from behind them. “It’s not as hard as either of you think it is. No one is going to care if you’re married to me or if you take those jobs because…”

“Oh would you get off it with the married thing,” Joel erupted on Negan, turning on his heel to point out at him again. “If anyone deserved to be married to her it’s me.”

“You guys are never going to stop, are you?” she breathed out having both Negan and Joel look to her. “No matter what I say? You’re just going to fight over me?”

“Well I think we deserve to know which one you’re going to pick,” Joel pointed between the both of them having Negan swallow down hard. “One of us should be able to be your husband and the other one just needs to fucking deal.”

“I’m not doing this right now,” she frowned visibly upset, turning on her heel to leave.

Outstretching his hand, Joel curled his fingers around her wrist to try to stop her from leaving. That wasn’t exactly the answer that Joel wanted to hear, but she wasn’t going to give him anything more. Tugging her wrist away, she went back into the house and left both of them alone outside.

Everyone pretended like those last few minutes at the table didn’t happen, but there was still a weird tension in the air for everyone. By the end of the night when everyone was leaving and thanking Y/N, Joel knew that he wanted to continue their conversation in some fashion. So Joel asked Tommy and Maria to take the children home. Which left Negan sitting on the left end of the couch and Joel sitting on the right leaving the middle open.

Negan’s head was lowered, his fingers hooked together when Y/N closed the door behind her after the final guest left. Joel was watching her realizing that she let out an overwhelmed sound when she faced them, “Well I’m not going to have a peaceful night, am I?”

“I don’t think you mean what you said earlier,” Joel stressed to her, shaking his head firmly. “If the life you wanted was the life that Negan offered you, you would have said yes. But I think the life you want is the life that you had with me. When we were happy.”

“We all agreed on this relationship between the three of us,” she reminded them stepping before them on the couch, her arms folding in front of her chest.

“I am okay with it being the three of us,” Negan slid back further on the couch, his hazel eyes finally meeting hers with a simple shrug. “I’ve never changed my mind on that.”

“It’s not that I have a problem with that,” Joel declared waving his hand between the three of them.

“Obviously, since you don’t mind having sex with him,” she pointed out toward Negan who was smirking drawing attention to his prominent dimples. Joel’s face flushed over with heat and he forced himself to look away from them. “So why do I have to pick one or the other?”

“We both want to be your primary lover,” Joel commented, pulling himself to the edge of the couch. His brow line was incredibly expressive with the way his chocolate brown eyes were staring up at her. “I want you to be married to me and he wants you to be married to him. And I don’t care who has sex with who. The poly relationship is perfectly fine with me. I just want you to be married to me.”

“You do realize how fucking ridiculous this sounds, right?” Negan scoffed, finally turning his head to look at Joel. “You had four years to get her back, but you want her to marry you now because I want her to marry me.”

“Don’t use that against me,” Joel grunted, his angered stare meeting Negan’s. “You weren’t here those four years, so you don’t know, but the two of us kept having a relationship in certain ways while you weren’t here. We had sex plenty of times while we were separated and divorced.”

“Sex isn’t like being in a relationship. There is sex and there is being together,” Negan countered, his jaw flexing and his eyes narrowing in frustration. “You had your chance Joel and you fucked it up.”

“And you deserve one why? Just because you came in and for a few weeks made her content?” Joel snapped back, his posture growing rigid with the accusation that Negan threw out at him. “Relationships can’t be determined from just a few weeks. We’ve been together almost twenty years. You two have dated a few weeks and suddenly you think she is the love of your life. You’re just looking for a rebound from Lucille.”

“Watch what you say or you’re gonna get knocked on your ass again,” Negan warned with a scowl, having Joel dramatically bob his head about.

“I’d like to see you fucking try,” Joel shot back and it had Y/N groaning out heading over to the coffee table to sit down. Burying her head into her hands had both men’s attention returning to her instead of fighting about things.

“You both like each other so you both need to shut up. For the love of God,” she pled, dragging her hand down over her face. Staring at Joel, she raised her left hand and pointed to Negan. “This man has been nothing but nice when it comes to you telling me over and over again that if I want to be with you he would understand. He’s your biggest defender and you treat him like shit.”

“I…” Joel looked to Negan who grumbled something under his breath and turned to look away from Joel.

“And you! Obviously he likes you because you guys have had sex multiple times now, right?” she confirmed with Negan who nodded once to give her the answer she wanted. “So why does it matter who I’m official with? Because you two like each other too.”

“I know it seems stupid, but being married to you means a lot…” Joel described how he felt about things and he shifted in his position. Right now he felt uncomfortably warm with the attention on him. “And I think instead of dragging us along you should give us an answer so we don’t have to wonder who you want to be with. I mean, there is the whole poly thing, but who do you want to be married to?”

“Did you ever think that maybe I don’t want to be married to anyone?” she brought up a good question that honestly? Neither one of them took into consideration. “Did you think that maybe I just want to enjoy a relationship with both of you because I enjoy it? That I’m comfortable with how things were.”

“Is that true?” Negan was the one to speak up this time and it surprised her because it was an answer that she was originally giving for Joel who was so insistent upon the marriage thing. “So does that mean you aren’t reconsidering the whole marriage thing?”

“I’m considering a lot of things,” she frowned when she realized that they were both deep in this even though Negan was the quieter one. “You both are putting me in a hard position here.”

“Is it really that hard of a position to pick which one of us that you would rather be married to?” Joel stammered, placing his hand in over the center of his chest.

“If you don’t want to be married to me, it’s okay,” Negan suggested trying to find the right words to say to make her feel better about everything.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be married to you,” she stated followed by a long sigh. “I just don’t know. I really don’t.”

“Well, I love you so fucking much and I just want you happy,” Negan reasoned with her, throwing his hands up. Negan’s words were broken and there wasn’t much confidence in them when he said it. “I really do and if I’m making you unhappy…”

“Dear God, stop,” Joel snarled at Negan, “we both know that you care. You care so fucking much about this and you want an answer just as much as I do.”

“This isn’t the kind of thing I can just have an answer for immediately,” she reasoned with both of them looking between Negan’s hazel eyes and Joel’s brown eyes. They were both hopeful and it killed her that it was getting to this. “So if you both expect me to give you some kind of answer right now and there is no other option?”

She paused, her voice breaking when she started talking again, “Then I don’t want either of you. I won’t get married to either one of you. I love you both so fucking much. And if I pick? I’m breaking both of your hearts. Either way, I’m hurting one of you. And I refuse to do that. I won’t do it.”

Both of them seemed upset hearing that and she was definitely getting emotional at this point, “I’m going to need the both of you to leave right now.”

“Leave?” Joel repeated, standing up from the couch and having her move away from him.

“Why do I have to leave?” Negan blurt out, placing his hand in over the center of his chest. “What did I do?”

“You both are putting a lot of stress on me to make really hard decisions and I want you both gone,” she threw her hands up not wanting to put up with this anymore tonight. “I can’t do this. I gave you both my answer. And that’s it.”

“What am I doing? I’ve been supportive about everything,” Negan stammered, standing up from the couch to reach out for her, but she pulled her hands from him. “Y/N?”

“I need time alone right now,” she explained with a frown, not wanting to be near anyone with how everything was turning out. “You want me to make decisions, he wants answers! I need to be alone so I can think about things because this shit is hard enough.”

“What decisions?” Negan asked visibly upset that she was tossing him out of the home too.

“You want me to make up my mind about the job. I know you do. And then there is the marriage proposal and the house…” she listed off the things that he had done over the last few days. “It’s a lot to think about and then he comes in demanding that I pick him or you…even though you both swear that a poly relationship is fine. You both want answers and I need time alone.”

“Everything I’ve done for you is to better your life,” Negan defended himself hearing the sound of Joel moving behind him. “I’m not trying to stress you out or make you uncomfortable. I just want you happy. I love you.”

“I know you love me Negan, but it’s a lot to ask a mom of two to just pick up and run away with you for the whole baseball season when they need me,” she reminded Negan of how she felt about everything. “And while it’s a great opportunity…”

“You heard the children earlier, they just want you happy,” Negan recalled what he had heard both Elizabeth and Peter say. Feeling Joel’s hand placing in over his shoulder to get him to move had Negan grunting. Turning, Negan shoved his hands into the center of Joel’s chest to get him to back up. “Don’t touch me Joel.”

“She wants us to leave,” Joel stressed, but Negan’s face was turning red since Joel was now pushing for them leaving because of ulterior motives. “So what? It’s okay for me to leave, but when she asks you to leave it’s not okay?”

“You’re fucking up everything!” Negan’s voice raised, rage flooding his hazel eyes with Joel trying to shove him toward the door again. “Everything was fine until you got so fucking jealous about everything. You’re okay as long as you’re the center of attention. And you’re driving me fucking nuts. I’ve done nothing but be fucking kind to you because I like you and all you have done is thrown me under the fucking bus at every turn. So now that I’m offering her something amazing in life, she thinks it’s a bad thing because you’re here to constantly put your fucking claws into her. You know that she loves you and rightfully so because you are the father to her children, but you only want her happy as long as it’s with you and I’m the background character in your love story. That’s the only way you want her happy. I actually do want her fucking happy. That is the difference between you and me. You care about Joel Miller, I care about her. Not me. You’re so fucking greedy.”

“Greedy?” Joel repeated what Negan called him, moving forward to shove Negan harder this time. “I’m fucking greedy? I gave up everything for everyone else. So don’t you fucking go around telling me I’m greedy.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Negan grunted through another few of Joel’s shoves. “I’m talking about now, I’m talking about…”

“You got to run away from everything and you think that just coming back here makes it all okay,” Joel reminded Negan of what he had done when they were younger. “If you loved her as much as you fucking swore back then, you would have fought for her. Instead you found Lucille and you ran away because she didn’t mean to you what you thought she did. I’ve been here through everything. The good, the bad…I’m the man that has been a constant in her life…”

“Knock it off before you both start throwing fists again!” she warned them, moving between the two of them to get them separated. “There is so much testosterone between the two of you and it’s going to be another fucking war when you both care about each other. So please! Just stop it!”

“I know you feel like I abandoned you too when I left even though you forced me away,” Negan appealed to Joel with Y/N keeping her hands pressed in over the center of his chest to keep them separated. “You needed your friend when your parents died and I dropped the ball. I should have been here to help you with Tommy just like I did when we were younger, but I was angry. I was so fucking angry Joel, but I am trying to make up for that mistake. Just give me a fucking chance. I love her so fucking much and she makes me happy. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel like I’m alone…”

Sighing loudly, Joel felt a strange array of emotions flooding over him after Negan’s outburst, “I understand that Negan, but I love her too. I just fucked up, but there is no one else for me but her. I’ve realized that.”

“You should have realized that when you were married to her,” Negan frowned, shaking his head at Joel’s response. “A few weeks with her and I see everything I’ve ever wanted in my life. You have twenty years with her…”

“I’m leaving,” Joel announced with Y/N attempting to calm Negan down to get him to stop. Heading for the door, Joel felt an incredibly strong amount of jealousy with the way that Y/N was talking Negan down. Opening the door, Joel moved down the steps toward his car surprised to hear the sound of footsteps behind him. Closing the door behind him, Negan kept his head down and Joel was surprised. “She made you leave?”

“Yeah, you got what you wanted,” Negan stammered moving through the snow toward his car at the other side of the driveway. “She dumped both of us. Good for you Joel.”

“You act like I’m trying to be malicious because I’m in love with her,” Joel called out to Negan before he could get into his car. “Is it so hard to believe that I love her as much as you do? If not more?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty hard for me to believe,” Negan confessed, dropping his arms at his sides in defeat finally looking to Joel. “Because all you did was hurt her. And because of that? She doesn’t even trust me when I want to do things that make her happy and make her dreams come true. You had a midlife crisis and you regret that, I understand, but do you think you deserve her after everything you did?”

“Do you?” Joel stammered stepping to the other side of Negan’s car. “You’re not a good person Negan, what makes you think you won’t do to her what you did to Lucille? Promise her the world, but then go and cheat on her because you can.”

“That’s a fucking low blow Joel,” Negan shook his head, clinging to his keys at his side. “You’re using the lowest part of my life against me and I regret every bit of it.”

“And you’re doing the same to me,” Joel tried to make Negan understand what he was saying was along the same lines of reminding Negan what he had done to Lucille when he was younger. “You hurt Lucille relentlessly. I know because we talked. I know how she felt about you, about things…at least I waited until I was divorced.”

“Are you trying to get me to kill myself or what?” Negan snarled at Joel behind angered eyes. Scoffing, Negan held his hand up before Joel could even respond. “You know what? Fuck this. Merry Christmas Joel. I hope you had a good day and got exactly what you wanted.”

“Now come on Negan…” Joel grumbled under his breath, throwing his hands up in the air in a defensive motion. Instead of listening, Negan got in the car and the engine started up. Pulling out of the driveway, Negan left Joel alone standing in the driveway realizing that he had both Negan and Y/N incredibly upset with him. This was a terrible way to end Christmas.

----

Tags: @chainsawsangel @fancypeacepersona @violent-darkness @negansbestie @elegantfanficluv

@sanctuaryforthelost @dead-of-niight @dilfsandmartinis @jennydehavilland

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mrsalwayswrite · 1 day ago

Text

To Call Forth Love - Chapter 20

Happy 2025! (We're going to ignore its been ages since I've updated.)

Special shout-out to @cdauni your ask gave me the boost of confidence to write this chapter!

Words: 7700

Warnings: all the feels and mild smut

Series Masterlist

Warmth and softness surrounded her, a tonic to her weary heart. She wanted to stay here, live in the contentment and peace offered in her sleep.

Unfortunately, her bladder had other ideas.

Wakefulness slithered into her mind, nudging aside the residual sleep and dreams to coil around her mind and squeeze until her eyes popped open. With a muffled groan, Kari gave in. Her eyes slowly opened, bringing her fully into the land of the living.

The first thing she saw made her pause.

Lying within arm's reach was Ivar. Eyes closed. Long lashes dusted his cheeks. Mouth slightly parted. One hand tucked under his face and the other bridged the gap between them, as if seeking her out even in sleep. He appeared so serene in the moment, all the fury and fear wiped away, that impenetrable shield to protect himself was lowered to reveal a softness that was not witnessed during wakefulness.

Before Kari could appreciate the moment more, her bladder reminded her of its dire need.

Very slowly, she scooted off the massive bed, untangling herself from the gray sheets and blanket, planting her bare feet onto the cold, hardwood floor. A dim light came from one of the open doors in the bedroom. Trudging through her groggy memories, Kari thought it might be the bathroom, so she headed in that direction.

Thankfully, her guess was correct. Quietly closing the door, she flipped the light switch on and gasped at the magnificent bathroom.

The entire room was marble, with light gray marble walls, a matching light gray countertop, and dark gray marble flooring. A standing only, glass paneled shower was situated in the corner near the porcelain toilet. But it was the glorious bathtub that held her in its thrall. A gleaming white porcelain tub that appeared the size of a small jacuzzi. Even from where she stood in the doorway, she could see nodules in the tub where jets would come from.

At some point she was going to bask in that tub, she silently vowed to herself.

Finally emerging from her beautiful bathtub haze, she hurried to the toilet on the other side of the bathroom and did what she came there to do.

Standing at the bathroom sink, washing her hands in the warm water, her mind began to attempt to piece together the night before. She remembered the car crash, being at the hospital, and the reunion with Ivar. She could recall the drive back to the brothers’ house, cuddled against Ivar, biting back the tears and screams bubbling up in her throat.

Whilst in the hospital, the sun finally descended and now all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep. Once they arrived, Ragnar and Hvitserk practically dragged her and Ivar to the kitchen, forcing them to eat something, carrying on a conversation nearby which she did not mind, as she picked at the sausage, cheese, crackers and grapes that Ragnar had pulled together for them. If she felt tired, Ivar looked like he was already asleep as he mindlessly put pieces of food into his mouth and chewed. Since stepping out of the vehicle, his hand held hers, refusing to release her. Even now, sitting next to her on a stool, he kept his hand always on her, either slowly rubbing circles on her lower back or hand placed on her thigh. For her comfort or his own was debatable, but she would not deny how it filled her with a comforting warmth.

After they had consumed enough to satisfy Ragnar, the two were allowed to retire.

Asking politely where the spare room was she could sleep in, Kari was shocked by the loud snarl that erupted from the man beside her and his sharp comment of ‘fuck that’. She was equally startled by the muffled snorts and chuckles by the other two Lothbroks still in the kitchen.

Without a word of thanks to his brother or father, Ivar grabbed her hand and led her away. She tried to pay attention where he led her. Going down a hallway away from the kitchen, they passed several rooms. The only one with an open door that Kari could glimpse into showcased a couch and shelves of books. The library. Heat flooded her cheeks when she recalled what happened last time they were in that room together. Had it really been over a month ago?

They continued, turning the corner into a new hallway with only one door midway down.

Weak moonlight peeked through the large windows to cast the bedroom in shade and shadow. The poor light illuminated the massive bed just in front of the windows. Gently, Ivar led her there, guiding her to sit down. After she settled, he walked towards one of the two doors to the right of the bed, disappeared for a brief minute and then returned carrying something.

“Here.” He handed her what looked like a t-shirt. “Do you need to use the bathroom?”

“I'm okay.”

He grunted, rubbing his temple and headed there himself.

Before she could second guess herself, she quickly changed into Ivar's t-shirt, guessing it was some sort of band shirt but unable to truly tell in the low light. She made a careful pile of her folded clothes, setting them on the nightstand next to the side of the bed. As she sat down again, her eyes roamed over the shadowy bedroom. It reminded her of a studio apartment…well perhaps a large one with the amount of floor space. To the left of the bed looked like a kitchenette, with a full fridge and a few small appliances on a countertop next to it. An impressive bookshelf stood next to a huge TV, mounted against the wall across the bed. The bed itself was easily a California king size, with a large, metal headboard, making Kari wonder if she could get lost in the enormity of it.

Before Kari could snoop more, Ivar opened the bathroom door, wearing just a pair of sweatpants. He slowly walked over to the opposite side of the bed, pain etched in every step, hand braced on whatever solid object was nearby to take some of his weight. After sitting down on the bed, he unbuckled his leg braces, the clunk of them against the nightstand as he leaned them against was loud in the silent bedroom.

Without a word, he pulled the covers down, dragging himself backwards and under the covers with a relieved sigh.

“Kari. Get in bed.” He grumbled when she apparently took too long to follow his actions.

Unable to fully suppress the small smile, she mirrored his actions, slipping under the plush covers on the opposite side of the bed from him. As soon as she settled, Ivar attacked. Using his long arms, he snagged her around the waist, causing her to squeak, and pulled her flush against him, her back to his chest, tucking his face into her hair.

“Good night, Kari.” He whispered, pressing his lips to the top of her head, a large hand splayed over her stomach.

“Sweet dreams, Ivar.” She placed her smaller hand over his, entwining their fingers.

He hummed a pleased sound in response.

In that unfamiliar bed, with all the trauma of the day, Kari expected it would take a long time to unwind and be able to sleep, to ignore the memories and the fear waiting in the shadows of her mind. Perhaps it was the exhaustion of the day and weeks leading up to it that helped her drift off into a peaceful slumber. As she lay in Ivar's arms, comforted and protected, safe in his embrace and cared for, she knew her peace was attributed to the man who looked at her like he would burn the world down to keep her warm.

Now standing at the sink, she stilled, planting her hands firmly on the countertop. The draw to turn away enticed her, to refrain from acknowledging the pain she could feel in her body. Stupid, she mentally chided herself, coward. So with a deep breath, she lifted her gaze to finally look at herself in the mirror. She was not sure what she expected to see. Logically she knew the car accident was minor compared to others, but she still expected to see…well, more. The left side of her head was tender, a dull ache radiating from it. A small band aid covered the cut on her temple, begrudgingly placed there by the discharge nurse at Ragnar's insistence. A few small scrapes were scattered across her face. Tugging on the t-shirt she wore, the hem dancing along her thighs, the blossoming bruises following the path of the seat belt were just visible. As if with the reminder, a fresh wave of pain crested over her, her body sore and ached all over like she was recovering from the flu or had worked out too hard the prior day and was now dealing with the aftermath.

Her hands began to shake as the memories awoke with the review of her injuries. Images sealed in a locked part of her mind, jostled free from the car accident. The sun shone brilliantly that day, a perfect summer's day. The screeching of tires on the pavement. The crunch of two opposing forces crashing into one another. Devastation. Blood and screams. Blue-green eyes staring into hers but unseeing. Even as she cried his name, begging him–

“KARI!”

The abrupt shout of her name startled her from the spiraling her brain attempted to drag her into, forcing her to relive unwanted memories. She dragged in a shuddering breath as the memories vanished like smoke.

Immediately, she turned and opened the bathroom door, walking back into the bedroom. Whatever her mind could possibly conjure was in no way close to the sight before her eyes.

Ivar sat up in his bed, covers pooled around his waist and bare chest on display. A sight that would have been drool-worthy normally. But not now. Not with his wide eyes, panic and terror evident in them. His chest rising and falling as if in a fight for each breath. Hands clenched the gray sheets.

As soon as the bathroom door opened, panicked eyes swept to her, those blues churning like an uneasy sea.

“Kari?” He mouthed in a near whisper.

“Yeah.” She hesitantly replied, never seeing him so distraught before. “Ivar, are you okay?”

“You're here.”

“Yeah.”

“You're here. You're here.” He stared at her, speaking as if to himself, as if reassuring himself she was not a mirage. “You didn't– you're not– ohh fuck…you're– fuck!” He scrubbed his hands over his eyes roughly, the dark cast on his right hand most likely grating against his skin.

“Ivar?” She moved a step, concern drawing her in.

His eyes raised back up to her, tears filling them, chin wobbling. He raised a hand out to her, silently beckoning her closer.

And she responded with a second thought.

Hurrying across the space, she crawled back into the bed until she was next to his trembling form. Before she could apologize or question him, Ivar did something she never thought she would ever truly see. He tucked his head into the crook of her neck and began to cry. Not soft, silent tears. Not feeble cries of sadness. No, these sounded like they came from the depths of his soul. A keening of helplessness, of despair, of brokenness. With gasping breaths, he clung to her like she was a mast on a ship rolling on stormy waves, hoping to just survive.

Her arms banded around him, holding him close, feeling each ragged attempt to fill his lungs, body shaking with the force of his cries. One hand pressed against the back of his neck to keep him from pulling away. Listening to him, hearing him bleed out his pain and sorrow, how could she turn away?

How long they stayed that way, she was unsure. At some point, tears coated her cheeks as her own swirling, chaotic emotions spilled forth. Time morphed as they gripped onto one another, a safe harbor to weather the storm, to drain the turbulent emotions hounding them for weeks.

“I thought you were gone…” He choked out once his sobs lost their sharp edges. “I thought–fuck…I can't–I...” He tried to pull away, starting to lean back. She sensed that broken barrier of his attempt to rise, to separate them, to protect himself.

And she was not having that.

Not now.

Only allowing him to sit up enough so she could cup his face, she refused to let him fully retreat from her. His vivid, blue eyes swam with residual tears, red-rimmed and huge. Yet still so beautiful.

“Ivar, it's okay. I've got you.” She cooed, brushing the tear tracks from his cheeks, praying her touch soothed the cracked and bleeding edges in his soul. “I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.”

He exhaled a harsh breath as his eyes slammed shut. She could feel the fight drain from him, that need to protect himself. Once again, he gave in, surrendered to the tsunami of writhing emotions. He pressed his forehead against hers as his shoulders shook with soft sobs with the last of his tears, the purging of the final poison from the body.

“I'm sorry, Kari, I'm so fucking sorry. For everything.” The words poured forth, a dam unlocked. “I never meant— you didn't deserve that. I promised, I fucking promised! And then–” he choked on a sob, drawing it back in as his confession continued to flow freely. “I'll do anything, whatever you want. Just name it. I'll do anything. Just please…please don't leave me. I can't– I need you, I need you so much it fucking hurts. Please, let me make it up to you. Anything. Anything you want. Just don't– don't leave me alone.”

Fresh tears ran down her cheeks as she listened to his words, heard the raw pain in his voice, and was finally allowed to witness the sheer well of need and feelings he kept locked up to protect his heart. A well she had only caught glimpses of in the past, but now the gate was wide open and she was allowed to enter. To truly see and marvel at the fathomless depths of his feelings.

Ivar hissed, voice thick, as he tenderly wiped away the tears dripping off her chin. “No, no, kjære. Don't cry, not for me. I'm not worth it.”

“Of course you're worth it, you silly man!” She laugh-cried. “I care about you…so much. It's been so hard being away from you. God, I thought of you everyday. I just– I needed space but I missed you so much.”

“Kari–” he whispered.

“And even after I didn't talk to you for three weeks, you still came for me. You saved me.”

“I didn't sav–”

“You saved me!” She interrupted, tone in such a way he was unable to refuse. “I was so scared, I couldn't, I just–and then you came. And I knew I was safe. That everything would be okay cause you were there. That you wouldn't let anything bad happen to me.”

“Fuck,” his voice hard with his confession, “I'll do anything to keep you safe. I swear it. I'd die for you, Kari.”

“Ivar, no–”

“I would. I'd do anything for you to be happy, even if that isn't with– I just need you to be happy.”

“I've never been happier than when I'm with you.”

He released a shattering breath, a shiver wracking his body, as if his body fought to absorb her own confession, her own truth.

“Want to know something I learned? I think I've known it for a while but I– I was scared for it to be true?” She did not wait for his response, thumbs gently stroking his damp cheeks. “That when I think of home– it's always your face that's the first thing that comes to mind.”

He groaned, voice hitching as he spoke. “Kari, fuck, kitten, you can't- stop making me cry, fuck!”

They both chuckled wetly, foreheads pressed together, breathing in each other's presence. So longed for and finally here. Allowing their fractured, splintered hearts to begin to mend. Their touch, their words, a healing balm desperately needed.

“Kari? Can I kiss you?” Nerves and lingering fear tainted his voice as he asked. “Please?”

A million thoughts sped through her mind but only one word slipped past her guard, to touch the air and admit her need for him.

“Yes.”

Not wasting a moment, his lips brushed hers hesitantly, as if expecting her to pull away, to rescind her agreement. Once, twice, the gentlest of touches. A soft tease. A hesitant experiment. A hopeful promise.

Instead of waiting for him to take control, Kari firmly pressed her lips to his, melding their mouths together, the need for him overwhelming. Her hands tangled in his loose hair, keeping him where she wanted him. Refusing to give ground to the battle waging within him.

With the open invitation, Ivar invaded. What soft, pressing of their lips, sipping from each other's mouth, tasting what they both had desired and yearned for once again, quickly became heated. A clash of tongues and teeth. Hands tugging and roaming. A plundering. A feasting. A celebration and an apology embedded in each feverish kiss.

Under the onslaught of his affections, Kari found herself laying on her back on the bed, Ivar hovering over her like a dark guardian angel, wings of protection and adoration draped over her form.

After one more greedy kiss, Ivar leaned back, those piercing blue eyes peering down at her. “Fuck, kitten, I need you. I need– I need to know you're alright.”

“What..?” Her mind in a dizzying haze, but somehow through the fog, she knew what that typically meant. A tension replaced the languid ease, coiling in her gut as she prepared to push him away. It had not been even twenty-four hours back in his presence, she was not ready for that. She should stop th–

“I know.” He pecked her lips, silencing her worries as if sensing her insecurity. “I know you aren't – trust me, okay?”

She stared up at him, heart pounding within her chest, but unable to deny the devotion in his gaze. Somehow she knew, with every atom in her body, he would not dismiss her concern, not now. “I do. I trust you, Ivar.”

He groaned, pressing his forehead to hers. “You're too good for me.” After a moment, he sat up, hovering over her, hands gliding down to the hem of his t-shirt she wore. She tensed for a brief moment, in awe when he stopped and made eye contact, waiting for her permission.

“I trust you.” She murmured.

With that, he slid the t-shirt up her body, mindful of his cast not scratching her soft skin, and helped slip it over her head, leaving her in a purple sports bra and a black thong.

“You're beautiful.”

Tears welled back up in her eyes at the sheer adoration in his voice, the devotion in his eyes as he gazed down on her. Was this what a blind man looked like when he saw the sun or the stars for the first time? How could she not trust him? To fall a little deeper into the well of affection for him when he beheld her like that?

He gently brushed his fingers where she could feel the bruises from the seat belt begin on her shoulder. “Does this hurt?”

“Only a little.”

He hummed before tipping forward and placing a light kiss where his fingers had just touched. Instead of pulling back, his lips traveled. He placed gentle kisses along the line of bruises across her chest, only tugging her bra down slightly to kiss the space between her breasts before continuing the path downward.

Once he reached her side, he paused to meet her eyes. At that moment, she thought she could happily drown in the vastness of them, a clear sky she wanted to soar in forever.

Still gazing at her, he slid a single digit along her underwear line. “Can I?”

“Ah, s-sure.”

With tender care, he tugged her thong down her legs, making her heart race and nerves awaken with their descent, then he tossed them off over the side of the massive bed.

“Hey!” Her eyes followed their fall before snapping back to him.

“You don't need those around me.” He said cheekily, yet his gaze remained on the spot between her legs, bare for his perusal.

Nerves awoke the butterflies in her belly, making them dance and swarm. Subconsciously, she tried to shift her legs, to close them, to prevent her most intimate part from being on display.

“No.” Ivar snapped, but without heat, placing his hands on her knees to prevent her movement. He glanced up at her, watching, waiting. When she made no further movement, no denial leaving her lips, even as her throat constricted with the butterflies clambering upward, he smirked down at her like a conquering hero. “Good girl.”

Then for the second time that day, he did the unexpected.

Slowly, he slid back on the bed until he laid on his stomach, gaze never wavering from hers, keeping her restrained from moving, a prisoner to him alone.

“Ivar, what–”

But when his mouth pressed against her inner thigh, an open-mouth kiss so close to her core, her mouth snapped shut. Her eyes drifted closed as she gripped the sheet on the bed, anything to ground her from the sensation shooting through her body.

He chuckled wickedly then licked a thick, scalding line against her folds.

“Oh!” She gasped, body jolting at the new sensation, overly aware of the wetness already dampening her core.

“Gods, I've dreamt of this. So fucking good.” He murmured against her thigh before diving back in.

He teased her folds with his tongue, tasting, tormenting, driving her wild, lips occasionally moving to play and suck on her clit before returning to her core. When her legs closed against his head, it only seemed to spur him onward. Distinctly she wondered how long his tongue was as he seemed to be attempting to taste her spine through her, touching something within her that made her hips attempt to buck off the bed and infuse her moans in the air around them.

It was all she could do to remember to breathe, as he played her like an instrument he mastered. His name dripped from her lips like honey, a chanting of his name, a petition to her god. Every thought fled her body, her whole focus narrowed down to his touch, to the fire scouring her veins.

“My Kari. My kitten.” He whispered against her skin, branding her with his words, only to dive back in and feast.

She could feel that edge getting closer, that coil winding tighter and tighter within her belly, almost ready to snap, to fall into oblivion, when suddenly Ivar drew back.

“Don't you fucking leave me again.” He commanded hoarsely, biting her inner thigh, sending a wave of pained pleasure streaking through her. “Fuck, I need you, Kari.”

“Ivar, please….”

“Promise me!” He snarled, hands on her thighs, keeping her restrained, denying her the friction she so desperately sought. At her responding whine, he bit her again. “Promise me you'll stay!”

“I promise.” She sobbed, desperate for her release. Hands clawed at the sheets, the back of his head, anything to keep her from this tormenting limbo. “Please, Ivar, please!”

Then he descended, claiming her as if a man possessed, sending her soaring, seeing stars with a shriek of his name.

When she could finally open her eyes, heart still beating a rapid tempo within her chest, her gaze froze on the sight of Ivar leaning his head against her thigh, his eyes trained on her with a sweet smile on his glistening lips. Something about the curve of his mouth, the almost dazed look in his blue eyes, she realized she had never seen him look so soft, so blissful, like he had touched the stars alongside her.

Yet even in the afterglow of her orgasm, a realization of what she allowed him to do, of how she was still bare from the waist down. A flashing feeling of embarrassment and shame shot through her, but she tried to ignore it, refusing to give it the space to tear away the wonderful feeling she floated on.

“Hi.” She said, shyly.

He chuckled impishly. “That good, huh?”

Now a warmth blossomed on her cheeks. “I'm not sure I can move.”

“Mmmm…good. I don't plan on you going anywhere.” He crawled up her body, planting a smacking kiss to her lips then flopped on his back next to her. After a long, silent minute, he spoke up again, confidence wavering like candlelight in his voice. “Was it– did you like it?”

She almost laughed, turning on her side to face him. “Could you not tell? Gods, that was…”

“I've–” He huffed, running a hand through his hair as he stared up at the ceiling. “I've never gone down on anyone.”

“What?”

He started to open his mouth then snapped it shut and only shrugged, refusing to remove his gaze from the ceiling.

She leaned up slightly, just enough to fully see his face and catch his gaze. “Ivar, that was incredible. I think I'm still seeing stars.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She was charmed by his boyish pride, that twinkle in his eyes and the tilt of his lips upward, he looked so pleased with himself. “What…what about you? I mean, do you need–um…”

He laughed, carefully grabbing her hand and bringing it to his crotch. Instead of having her pull his cock out, he placed her hand on the fabric of his sweatpants. Immediately, she yanked her hand back, mouth open in shock at the large wet spot she had touched.

“What–”

“Apparently, I enjoyed it too. Fuck, I don't know the last time I cumed in my trousers. You were so fucking sexy though. Gods, I can't wait to do it again. I need to hear you moaning my name at least one more time today, preferably twice.”

“Oh my gods, Ivar! You can't-you can't say stuff like that!”

“What? That I found you moaning my name the fucking sexiest thing I've ever heard. Wait! Can you do it again and I'll make it my ringtone?”

She laughed, even as she ducked her head, pressing it to his shoulder with the wave of embarrassment crashing over her. “You wouldn't.”

His lighthearted chuckle was music to her ears. “No, those sounds are for my ears alone. I'm selfish when it comes to you. Only I get to taste you, to hear you moan, to hold you. And I won't apologize for being a fucking selfish asshole about it.”

Leaning back up on her elbow, she reached over and traced his Mjolnir necklace laying on his chest, biting her bottom lip as fresh thoughts raced across her mind.

“What?” He asked.

“I…I want us to work. I want an…I want an ‘us’. I want to be your girlfriend.” As his mouth started to open, she placed a finger over his lips. At his slow nod, she withdrew her hand and continued to trace the necklace, eyes on the swirls and markings on it. “But there's conditions. First, we need honesty between us. I know there's certain things with your work that you can't tell me about. And that's fine, I get it. But in regard to us, to our relationship, I need to trust you. You hurt me, Ivar. More than– like…ugh, it hurt. But I am trusting you won't do that again. That if something comes up and you question me and my feelings for you, that you'd come to me first instead of taking the accusation at face value. Okay?”

“I promise.” The agreement held a tone of reverence, as if vowing to her and his gods. It sent a shiver down her spine.

“Good, and one more thing.” She snapped her eyes up to bore into his. “If you ever lay your hands on me again like that, I will walk away and not come back.”

“I know, min skatt. It won't happen again.”

“I'm serious, Ivar. I won't– I can handle a lot but that…”

Somehow he seemed to understand what she meant. Tugging her hand away from the necklace, he pressed her knuckles to his lips. “I don't want you to be frightened of me. I never wanted you to be scared because of me. Others, yes. It's– it's a way to maintain control, to have others terrified of what you'll do in revenge. But not you, never you.” With his casted hand, he brought it to gently run the back of his fingers over her jaw, gazing at her in what could only be described as wonder.

She fidgeted under that look. “What?”

“You–you're too good for me.” He huffed out a chuckle. Carefully, he guided her to lay back down, both of them now laying on their sides facing one another. “I had planned to grovel for your forgiveness. I was willing to do fucking anything. Buy you whatever you want. I would even kneel to beg for your forgiveness, to beg for another chance to prove I can be better.”

“I don't need you to buy me things.”

“What can I do? How can I prove it?”

“You did already.” She whispered, losing herself in the sincerity of his voice and the pleading in his eyes. “You came for me. When I was terrified, you came. My hero.”

He laughed wetly. “My Kari, my beautiful girlfriend.” With an devious smirk, he leaned up slightly to slot his lips over hers, stealing a kiss. “Mine.” He declared before stealing another kiss. “My girlfriend.” Another kiss. “My sweet.” Another kiss. “Mine.”

She laughed, pulling away from his searching lips, to trace them with her fingers. “And you're mine. My boyfriend.”

“Fucking finally.”

“Ivar…”

He nuzzled into the crook of her neck, making her squirm, even as he snickered. “You think I was possessive before? Shit. I'm never letting you out of my fucking sight now. I'm going to keep you in my bed forever. There's no need for clothes, since I plan on having you over me…or under me as often as possible.”

She laughed, then squeaked as his hand traced up her bare thigh and grabbed an ass cheek. “Ivar!”

“I can work on my laptop. You can do your yoga next to the bed, then immediately get back in. We'll watch fucking good shows, not your romantic shit. Hvitserk will deliver us food. Hmmm…on second thought, he'll eat it. I'll pay someone to bring it in here.”

“You're being ridiculous. What about my wor– oh gods! Lydia!” She abruptly sat up, dislodging him in her frantic movement. “Oh crap! She's probably worried. I'm supposed to be at work right now! And I have my other job tonight. Oh no. Crap, crap, crap.”

“What other job?”

She scanned around, trying to remember if she had her phone. “What? Oh, I got another job in the evenings.”

“Why?”

“I…I needed it. My rent went up, so, yeah.”

“Kari,” he sighed out her name, trailing a hand down her arm, “I would have paid for your rent. All you had to do was ask.”

“I know, Ivar. I didn't want to. I can figure it out. It's fine.”

“Please, Kjære, let me help.”

Releasing a slow exhale, she shifted to look down at him. “I–I'll think about it. First I need to call Lydia. I need to tell her I'll be late.”

“You're not going in today.”

“I have too. I need the paycheck.”

He audibly growled, rising up beside her, nostrils flaring and jaw clenched. “Kari, you were in a goddamn car accident yesterday and had a concussion. You're out of your fucking mind if you think I'm going to let you go to work. And if I explain this to Lydia, I doubt she'd let you come in too.”

Kari hesitated because honestly, Ivar was right. Even after the pleasurable sensations from her orgasm, her body still felt sore and exhausted. It was that ceaseless drive to prove to herself that she could make it on her own, that she did not need anyone to take care of her. Looking at him though, with the way he seemed ready to tie her to the bed and force her to stay, she wondered if maybe this once it was okay. To lean on him for support and help in more than just friendship.

“Okay…” She caved, “I still need to call her and let her know. Do you know where my phone is?”

“Use mine.” He carefully scooted over and grabbed his from the end table, unlocking it and handing it to her. “We'll ask Hvits if they got your phone at the hospital. While you're calling, I'm going to clean up.” He placed a reassuring kiss on her forehead, a silent thank-you for her change of mind. Dragging himself back to his side of the bed, he swung his legs over the side and grabbed his leg braces, buckling them on.

Mesmerized by his movements, she could only watch his broad back, those tattoos she loved to trace on his skin, his muscular arms, which held her so tenderly, and strong hands that touched her as if she was a priceless gem. He put on the braces then pushed off the bed to walk to the closet door, slipping inside for a minute before coming out with new clothes in hand.

“See something you like?”

She startled, not realizing she was still blatantly ogling his form as he walked across the room. “Yes, I love your body.” She blushed after the words spilled out on their own conviction, as if yanked from her mind without permission.

With eyes widened momentarily, clearly stunned by her easy statement. After that split second, he stomped back over and leaned over the bed to drag her into a drugging kiss that had her gasping into his mouth and fire singing in her veins once more. “Gods, you're perfect.”

“Ivar…” she mumbled, her lips chasing his.

He chuckled, drawing back. “Make your phone call, then I'll take of you.”

She watched him walk into the bathroom and close the door before finally turning her attention to the phone.

Her conversation went as Ivar predicted. She called the main line of the yoga studio, then with Sasha answering, she got Lydia on the phone. Hearing about the accident and concussion, Lydia immediately told her to take at least the rest of the week off and to rest. Kari tried to say she did not need that much time but Lydia insisted and to call her if she needed anything.

Taking note of the morning hour, Kari realized she would have to call the clothing store later to let them know about her accident. They would not even be open for two more hours.

While talking with Lydia, Kari finally dragged herself out of the stupidly huge and comfortable bed to find her scattered clothing. Her black thong was on the ground beside the expansive bed, as if attempting to hide from her. Instead of putting on her own clothes from yesterday, she slipped back into the band t-shirt of Ivar's. In the morning light, she could see the skull on the black fabric and what must be the band's name printed over the top, she thought she recognized the name from one of Ivar's music rants. Next she wandered over to the kitchenette having spied the Keurig. A cup of hot coffee sounded delightful right now, but she became distracted by the dozens of photographs she had somehow missed last night with her initial snooping of his bedroom. She glided over barefoot to the wall of tacked pictures on a cork board almost as tall as her.

Most of the photos showcased stunning scenery, mountains seeming a favorite focal point. A handful of scattered photos were artistic shots of a gorgeous woman. Barbed wire tightened around her heart as she thought of Ivar keeping photos of a different woman, someone clearly important. At closer inspection, she realized it was actually Aslaug. With the revelation, she wanted to slap her own head at her jealousy, yet another part of her wilted at seeing another beautiful woman in Ivar's life. What was he doing with someone as mundane as her? He was in another league compared to her. She shook her head, a futile attempt to dislodge her own insecurities.

The creak of the bathroom door alerted her to Ivar's return but she continued to scan the photos, absorbed in the wanderlust they unearthed within her.

Without a word, he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her flush against his bare chest, apparently only changing into new boxers and a pair of gray sweatpants that felt soft against the back of her legs.

“Mmmm…you look good in my shirt.”

She hummed as Ivar pushed her brunette hair over her shoulder and tucked his face into the crook of her neck. Before she became too distracted by the handsome man holding her, she gestured towards the wall before them. “What are these?”

“Pictures.”

She rolled her eyes at his deadpan tone. “I figured that, thank you. I mean, who took them? They're stunning.”

There was a long pause before he answered, voice muted as if sharing a secret. “I did.”

“Really?”

“Surprised?”

“Yeah,” she answered truthfully, “you never told me you did photography.”

He shrugged behind her. “It's not something I do as often anymore. My mother tried to have me enter some contests when I was younger but I didn't want to.”

“You would have won, without a doubt. These are fantastic. Where are they?”

“All over. Locations I've visited and some of my favorite places.” He pointed to a picture towards their right, an audible edge of excitement infused in his voice as he spoke next. “That one I took at Floki's, it's the fjords behind his house. If you look at the bottom there you can barely see where he builds his boats.” He pointed to another a little higher. “That one was from a family trip to Switzerland. My brothers tried to ski and Ubbe ended up almost breaking his arm.” Next, he pointed to one on the left, just above her eye line. “That's of my mother with the Mediterranean in the back. We took a trip, just her and I when I was nineteen and had finally had my last fucking surgery. She wanted to do something extra to celebrate. It was just us for several days…it was nice.”

She tilted her head back to kiss the underside of his jaw, wishing she could soothe the longing, the nostalgia in his voice. “Thank you for letting me see these. These are…wow, I'm in awe. They're so beautiful.”

“Hmmm…” His lips caressed her ear as he whispered, “my favorite one is my phone's background.”

She dropped her head, practically melting against him as warmth flooded her cheeks. It was hard not to notice before she made her phone call earlier. It was a photo of her from several weeks ago, one she had forgotten about. They were out to eat, one of the many restaurants Ivar wanted her to try. Her gaze was focused off screen, having been listening to a man propose several tables away. Her soft gaze translated into the picture, a joyous undertone as she watched two people's lives change due to the love they shared. Her diamond studs and simple diamond pendant necklace caught in the flickering candlelight from the table making her sparkle. After the proposal, she had caught Ivar with his phone out, but instead of confessing to snapping a picture, he teased her the rest of the night about her love of romantic shit.

He pressed a slow, syrupy kiss to the back of her neck, making her shiver under his touch. “My girlfriend.” His lips trailed to the side of her neck and up to the sensitive spot behind her ear. “My Kari.” He tugged on her earlobe with his teeth. “My beauty…mine.”

Before he could start something, she turned around in his arms, placing her arms around his neck loosely, feeling his hands settle on her hips. Silently, she scanned his face, noting the bruise-like bags under his eyes, seeing the crease in his forehead, the tension in his jaw.

“Ivar, how have you been? Really? Are you in pain?”

“I should be asking you that.”

“Ivar.”

He inhaled sharply, dropping his head to press his forehead against hers. “I don't want to talk about it. Can't we just focus on now?”

“Hvitserk told me…”

“What did that useless brother say now?” He snapped as her voice trailed off.

“Be nice.” She reprimanded without any heat. “He said you were drowning yourself in either alcohol or work. Or something like that.”

“That little shit. Can't trust him with fucking anything.” He grumbled, thumbs rubbing back and forth along the patch of skin beneath the hem of her shirt.

He did not answer right away, so she waited. She could be patient. Something she had noticed about him was his disdain for speaking about when he was in pain, physically or mentally. It would be easy to attribute that to his childhood, to the constant pain he endured, but somehow she knew it was more than that. Her hand massaged the back of his neck as she waited, almost hearing the gears turn in his mind as he debated on what to say. How much deeper to allow her into his inner world.

“Why do you want to know?”

An undercurrent of fear coated his question, that somehow she would turn his turmoil and fear against him. It fractured her heart anew for him, that it was so instinctual for him to have to protect himself, to never show any kind of weakness. That his only option was to be strong.

Instead of answering his question, she decided to share a glimpse into their time apart, hoping it would encourage him to do the same. “I thought of you everyday. Multiple times a day, if I'm being honest. I appreciated that you gave me my space, even if I hated it sometimes…but I needed it. It gave me time to realize how much better my life is with you in it. That I had already forgiven you after you ordered the food for me that next day.”

He cleared his throat before his words emerged like a confession, slow and halted. “Those first days away from you…I– fuck! I did everything possible to forget that I'd fucked everything up. That I'd lost the best thing in my life. Gods, I was so sure you'd never want to see me again, that you hated me. I even fucked some girls from a club to try and…well.”

She stiffened at his words but did not pull away, allowing him his space, allowing him to be vulnerable, even if it stung like a jellyfish's tentacles were wrapped around her body.

“I know, I know it was stupid. I don't even remember them, I was high on some strong shit to try and– I wasn't okay.” He sighed, pressing his forehead harder against hers like it would allow his words to seep into her brain, to prove his remorse. “Floki finally hit me a few times over the head, seemed to knock some sense into me. Don't tell him I said that, that damn asshole. After that, I threw myself into working. In the past week I've been mostly living in our business airplane. Gods, I'm–I'm fucking exhausted. It's a damn miracle I haven't broken anything. I feel like I've barely slept the past three weeks. And my legs…ah, fuck, they've been killing me. But I couldn't stop, I–I had to do something, keep moving, or I'd–”

She could see how hard it was for him to admit, like each word out of his mouth was a fight, a struggle to release the bonds keeping his weakness hidden and allow her to peer past the façade, to see how hard it had been the past three weeks.

“And your cast?”

“That night after you left…I broke my hand on a punching bag. Forgot to wrap it. Fucking stupid.”

“Oh, Ivar.”

“I want– even with those others at the club. They meant nothing. They are nothing! It was always you I thought of. It's always been you. Ever since that night in the club where you kissed me, it's always been you. And I promise, I'll always take care of you.” His voice caught in his throat, forcing him to swallow thickly to continue. “Please, kitten, please believe me.”

And she did. Gods forgive her but she did. It was in the way his hands clutched her hips, his anguish coloring the air around them, the way he begged for her forgiveness. He would do anything to repent for his sins, any penance she asked, he would comply.

But all she wanted was him.

“I do. I believe you.” She slid her hands down to cup his face to tilt his face to meet her gaze so he could see the honesty in her eyes. “It's been you too, since that night. I haven't even been able to look at anyone else like that. I think you've bewitched me.”

“If anyone has been bewitched, it's me. Fucking hell, got me crying and begging.” His lips grazed hers, a whisper of a kiss, a silent acknowledgement, a heartfelt promise. “Can you stay? I just want to hold you and rest and pretend the world doesn't exist. I just need you. Only you. Please?”

With her heart feeling three sizes too big for her chest, she silently guided him back to the bed and crawled in, cuddling into his warm body as he wrapped his arms around her.

For how could she refuse when he was looking at her like she was his whole world, like he would carve his own heart out and give it to her if she asked, like she was the peace in the midst of his hurricane.

Like she was his salvation.

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