#but she is just a kid so desperate for affection she'll kill herself in the process to get it

[revans-rubber-duckie]

Spoilers up to end of act 2 but my brain is eating itself

Opted to burn the grove down and I don't think anything is quite as sobering as the difference in reaction Shadowheart has between saving it and burning it.

Like she's pleasantly surprised to learn she cares about the tieflings if you save it. She's drinking but it's pretty clear she's just having fun enjoying the night ect ect. You can have a cute moment with her. She's even willing to tease you a little. We all know how fun and light this is. You get to see her drop her prickly exterior and you see how much she really doesn't want to keep people at a distance but she knows she made this bed and she will lay in it, but she lets you know she's not opposed to you closing that gap at least a little.

Burn it down and she's so smashed your illithid check is a 2 to learn she's agonizing over what she was part of while trying to justify it as being in line with Shar doctrine. She knows she's too drunk to sleep with anyone without it hurting her later. If you offer to cheer her up with a war song she's almost angry you suggest it and says she wants nothing to do with war for tonight. If you call her out on feeling guilty she immediately tries to hide behind "we survived" rhetoric. Even when you offer to just sit at a fire with her she opts to go it alone, despite conceding doing nothing might just be nice (and the way the convo plays out I do get a personal read that 'nothing' should have been applied to the offer of burning the grove). She is having a no good very bad day and 0 fun.

And not that it wasn't really obvious that Shadowheart struggles with her faith even in the "good" run, but I think this just.... really drives it home. When she does something her goddess would be over the moon (forgive me) for, she feels sick. She tries to drown it. She's young. She just lost her fellow clerics. She's alone with only her faith to keep her company and guide her. She's trying so hard to present and posture herself as a proper Sharrian and...she's just not. She's not. She's soft at her core and it doesn't matter how much brainwashing and memory suppressing happens she fundamentally does not have the heart for it.

But she'll do it. She has to defend the only home, the only family she knows. She's nothing if not faithful. She's always hopeful it's worth it, that it amounts to something, that she just isn't at a place in her faith to understand yet. But it eats at her and if you pick the justiciar route for her (and you do have to specifically pick it for her. You have to give her specific direction, the thing Shar has been doing for her whole life more or less.If you stay silent for the whole thing she will choose to throw Shar away) it really hits as her finally drowning. She couldn't hold herself underwater long enough to do it, but god will she let you do it for her.

This got away from me but the point is it's almost tragic to see how quickly she falls apart when you do exactly what Shar would approve of.

[basingstokemercury]

Unexpected things I've learned playing my current D&D character

Playing as a mature adult with a long history is actually incredibly rewarding. Most of the characters are young adults (18 to early twenties) and one's a dryad with a nonhuman lifespan, so my 35-year-old veteran of a war fifteen years past has ended up having very strong maternal instincts towards the two "kids" of the group.

This came about completely by accident - originally my plan was for Rou to be fresh off her military service, unable to adjust to civilian life and then pulled right into a new mess, but in-universe chronology meant more time had to have passed (this is the same world as a couple other campaigns our DM runs and events in each affect the other's story sometimes).

Which means she's spent fifteen years trying to return to normal and failing, now to be pulled back into what she thought she'd left behind when the child of her missing commander (other PC), now eighteen, contacts her trying to find their mother. Turns out that mother has been corrupted by the Shadowfell and we may very well have to kill her.

So now Rou's having to face her emotions about the war, work towards fighting her mentor and protector, and try to help this very young adult through a situation she herself can hardly deal with - but somehow it seems she can't even get through to her anymore.

Lots of angst when/if she finally ends up losing control/hope (don't think the others have seen the signs but she's becoming obsessed with trying to contact the dead and make amends for everyone she failed to save), very fun playing someone experienced and protective, and generally a really interesting personality to get into the head of.

It's also a lot nicer than I expected to be more of a side character in another's quest - I knew from the beginning that her goal would probably mostly be to help the others as her comrades and friends because her main quest is shared by someone with a closer connection to its object, but it's very interesting to play with the feeling that someone else is more important to this story than you and you have to bury your own emotions about it for their sake.

When we first learned of the captain's corruption, Rou tried to remain optimistic about saving her for the kid's sake while also trying to reconcile her to the possibility of having to kill her - the latter naturally refused to believe her mother could be doing such a thing. Now the roles have been reversed somewhat; the kid is putting on a front of accepting what must be done (while actually just repressing her internal conflict), and as Rou realises that she really is coming close to confronting her past she's becoming more and more desperate to believe it can't possibly end like this, though she tries to hide it under a mask of keeping her former optimism.

When we wrap up this campaign (or if something happens to Rou), I'm going to intentionally try and work more with these themes.

Zhalien is going to be in her forties, looking for the son kidnapped twenty years ago as a baby and the husband who abandoned her and took him. I can't know yet if anyone else's stories will intertwine with hers, but she's going to keep her backstory hidden under lies until/unless it comes into play, thus naturally making her more of a background figure in relation to the main quest - which is also the role she'll position herself as, attaching herself to the group under the guise of a mercenary.

It's probably safe to assume most of the characters will be a good deal younger than her next campaign as well, and her relation to the maternal role will be a bit more complex than Rou's.

She actually has a child, but hasn't gotten to be a mother since she was an infant, so I imagine her maternal instincts will be quite strong, but her decade as a spy and the years after that travelling as a mercenary trying to find her husband and son have taught her to hide her natural empathy and openness under layers of seeming indifference and intentional obfuscation. She can't help but care, but there are a lot of walls to break before she'd ever say so.

I look forwards to working with her, and to seeing where Rou ends up.

(Hopefully not in tragedy, but that seems to be where I'm steering her and it would make sense.)

[saintobio]

Chapter 11 blew my mind, and now I get the "wtf" plot twist you're talking about lol! This is the first time I'm asking you hehe. I can't believe Eula and Naoya hooked up and they have their own personal hidden agendas that would affect the future of the Gojos akskakwjoahwja OMG. Naoya really stayed in his own dirty habits. I wonder what he's plotting again? I'm sorry if I forgot but can I ask why Eula's been plotting Satoru's downfall and she was really REALLY looking forward for Yuuta's inheritance for the title of the company? Is Naoya plotting something for the mc as well? Implying to what Toji said to him, I still don't know what he's plotting in his mind after Toji said that.

I also love how Toji's been concerned for the mc and he's been aware of what's happening to her life.

Also SERA, my god she's so fucking desperate and delusional what happened to her HAHAHAHAHA she needs a freaking therapist. She really went down bad to the point where she wanna babytrap Gojo and how she's saying she'll kill herself because she can't do it alone. However props to you Gojo for having the balls for trying to break up but at what cost? She's so manipulative and desperate people are disturbing asf. Also why did she panick like, whats wrong? She's so goddamns suspicious.

I wonder what she's plotting for the mc lol she said she's gonna pay for everything and for destroying her supposedly "happily-ever-after".

Nevertheless, thank you for the meal Ai! As always! You can now finally sleep i guess jajskaah have sum good schlep gurl..!

Anonymous said

lmaooo naoya, i dont know what you're planning but it better not hurt mc💀

yn, i hope she's okay, maam's having a heart attack on god then we all just suddenly get a scene change ejndnsnsns, it would be real interesting if she gets hospitalized right then and there while gojo's at the hospital, not only could he find out but he'll be in crossroads. if sera's actually pregnant (not to say if the kid would be gojo's) and if he finds out yn has a fatal heart problem, i wonder what he'll do. one thing is for sure. he would HAVE to choose (well ig he already kinda did, seeing he's already breaking up with sera, FINALLY)

now, sera. fckin SIGH. everything is falling out of her grasp (unsurprisingly) and OF COURSE she blames yn, it's getting boring but nonetheless frustrating with how she refuses to see her faults and chooses to blame everything else. (her sheer audacity my god)

and i don't think she's pregnant (like with her cycle and how she's quick to refuse a pregnancy test) and even if she is, she'll find it hard to fake it. gojo is many things, but he isn't dumb and he isn't gullible (he could run a business empire by himself ffs), plus if he has shoko as the one testing sera, i doubt that shoko would lie and deceive him abt sera being pregnant (plus i don't see her getting cahoots with sera), and would sera even have the money to bribe anyone??? i doubt it, with how many times she complained abt being poor. 🙄

can't wait for sera's downfall uwu

and as much as gojo is an asshole here, im worried abt him. feelings aside, he worked hard for that business and seeing it fail and seeing his step-mom plot against him gets me worried....

@mephiis said

oh shit its getting fucked up 👁👁 like eula and naoya and sera is going to team up to bring downfall of gojo. Now yn saw gojo and sera for pregnancy test 😭😭

Gojo i love u stay strong HAHAAHGHAGAYAV I CAN'T-- I CAN'T BE MAD AT HIM ANYMORE AFTER ALL HE WANTS TO END HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH SERA

For naoya : tf you dick down a 43 years old woman? *wheeze* your taste legit worst.

@atsunflower said

Bruh why do I feel like Naoya is plotting something for the 50 anniversary? And I actually like him???? What did u do to me, miss Saint??

Sera keeps shoing her true colors and ugh, I relate a lot to Y/N, Gojo trying to redeem himself is getting on my nerves. Alsoooo, why do I feel like he is gonna find out about Y/N's condition next chapter??? So so so many questions

Anyways, it was another amazing chapter and I already look forward to the next one. Have an amazing week, Saint <3

Anonymous said

THAT TWIST OMG. I never expected Naoya to be the character who took the limelight. This particular part had me curious

“But this, he decided to turn a blind eye on it for personal reasons. Eula was different—that was all that mattered.”

What were his personal reasons and how is she different? She should drop a master class on how to bag rich men. But fr though, isn’t she mad old 💀 like his moms age. Is she actually that attractive?

Also, why did Naoya ask Toji what he would do if Y/N was his wife and why was he pleased by Tojis answer?

Ik Toji also said that if Y/N had waited a little longer she would have had a bunch of men asking for her hand in marriage, would Toji have been one of them if he wanted to remarry?

Anonymous said

NAOYA WITH GOJO’S STEPMOM I GASPED SO HARD I HAD TO PUT MY PHONE DOWN HELP. everything revealed in that part was so crazy, i seriously wonder who will actually expose gojo for all the shit he’s done 👩🏽‍💻 i think naoya is fully capable of doing it, imagine him exposing gojo at that business anniversary 💀

also y/n buying the shoes for toji IN FRONT OF GOJO LMAO. gojo seemed so childish this chapter it’s so funny to me. anyway gojo is actually trying for y/n…the flashback scene was so shocking, i hate sera for trying to keep him by saying she’d k1ll herself 😐 I KNEW SHE WAS PREGNANT TOO i mean it hasn’t been confirmed but the fact that gojo seriously doesn’t believe her and is taking her w ieri…idk 🏃🏽‍♀️ she might be lying considering that her attitude changed when gojo started questioning her but if she actually is pregnant it’s either gojo’s child or maybe someone else’s. HE TRIED BREAKING UP WITH HER TOO OMG IM NOT READY FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER YOURE SO GOOD AT WRITING ty so much for feeding us <3

Anonymous said

Naoya— I had some suspiscions when I looked at the theories about the plot twist. I knew the Naoya X Stepmom idea would really make me say "Wtf!?". Hah I must admit I forgot about Mei's love for money for a bit there hahah

Welp now I can tell why you couldn't express your agreement on my previous ask about Gojo's dad 😅 He does give off that selfish vibe that even if he adores his side pieces he'll only favor those of his own blood, although discreetly/twisted.

I'm honestly nervous that the two (Toji x Y/N) are starting to think about each other, although their thoughts are still on the platonic side, I can't help but feel that Gojo's chances of getting Y/N back is already at the critical level of 10%.

I know he's sincere with everything now but I can't blame Y/N for not believing his actions at all. Heck I would've started not believing every affection he's shown the moment he declared that I will never be in his heart 🤷🏻‍♀️ Hopefully he'll get through the "veil" she has started to build around her to keep him away 👀

Ohohoh it's evident that she isn't pregnant ( I eat lies for breakfast JK 🤣) but in case she is when Ieiri checked it's probably someone else's, maybe Naoya has something to do with it. He did say he wanted to meet her and to leave the dirty work to him. He seems like he's gonna help Toji get Y/N 🤔 Like she's gon be beneficial for their group, too, yk. But oh well, too late, Y/N saw the scenes at the hospital already and has assumed the worst, oh man, and to think he's been annoyingly sweet throughout this chapter 😅

Also, I wanna trust Ieiri honestly but if she ever reveals that misstres is indeed preggo I have a feeling she's threatened by the fact that mistress might potentially harm Y/N knowing her heart condition but again I hope she's a wise and strong as I see her.

I'm honestly glad like 🥲🤧 that he said those things to Sera, that's a HUGE step hun. But now I feel bad because there's a lot of misunderstandings in their relationship then add to the mix that the mistress lied to baby trap Gojo and Y/N seeing all that and running away without confirming anything 😢

unfortunately i cannot answer all of ur asks abt naoya’s intentions. wouldn’t it be better to let the story unfold itself? :) everything will make sense soon. i do agree with the reactions abt naoya x eula tho sjndjs remember when i told u guys i have a plot twist 😭 only one person managed to guess but it was a great guess!!

[border-spam]

Leech Lord: Quirks

Handling critique:

Troy:

He doesn't know them by name and they aren't showing respect when he turns to apprehend who just dared interrupt him rudely in front of others?

Dead. Immediately. There's no pause to hear them out or explain themself, their head will be crushed in that spined fist before he even finds out what they were about to say was criticism. There is no concern or regret over this later, he won't even care enough to remember their face.

Far more forgiving in private as he’s not needing to play up to his persona, but still - respect has to be shown.

Someone he is aware of by name/rank, or sees as having value?

Stay polite and factual and he'll listen. Hands clasped behind his back and shifting his eyes down their body as they speak, like they’re being measured, or read. He'll listen. The more numbers they can provide, the more clear data they can give that shows his information or his actions are wrong and what they are suggesting is better, the more likely he will take it on board. The God King is surprisingly polite and coldly calm when approached correctly, regardless of if he likes what he is being told.

- A close friend?

Nervous, picking at his teeth with the tips of his nails and finding it hard to meet their eyes. Hunched over himself and back bent even if he still towers over them, like a child who just wants to go hide. Stuttering. Apologetic to the point of becoming self deprecating even if what they were raising was only minor. It's not a big deal Troy, it's not, it was just some feedback. Calm down pal it's not worth getting worked up over, really. No you don't have to redo the whole thing, that's stupid come on y.. no you aren't stupid Troy, don't delete it all.. Oh, Troy.

Tyreen -

She does not hear, she does not see.

From anyone. It doesn't matter who they are. Unless you are her you're wrong, because she cannot be incorrect. She is infallible... you get it, right sweetheart?

She is omnipotent. She is a GOD. It's not that she's not listening to them, they don't mean enough for her even to be able to hear.

Seifa:

A stranger she views as someone below her in position?

Lol who are you. Who the fuck are you to think your opinion has any value, let alone matter to her? She's not even hearing what you're saying, you should be out of her presence by the time she stops eyerolling by the way, she's a busy woman. May not be healthy to waste more of her time.

Above her in authority or experience?

Silence. Not quite making eye contact, she's focusing on breaking down what you're saying and digesting useable information. A quick "Got it, I'll consider what you said" afterwards is genuine. She will consider it. That doesn't mean she will take it onboard, but she knows not to waste valuable data.

Friend?

A mix of both. She'll make it clear there's a very good chance her opinion on this is going to supersede yours, but that yours still has value for her. She might not make change changes right now based on it.. but it could affect how she approaches things in the future.

Pet Peeves:

Tyreen

A pet peeve, one she's irked by but doesn't spend a huge amount of time lost in rage over, is people treating her like she's airheaded. It happens often, especially when she's around Troy. She's not dumb. At all. Just because she's not a giant, brooding, scowling asshole who stands in silence while death-glaring everyone in the room, doesn't mean she's vacant or stupid. Just because she's louder, and more animated, doesn't mean she's ditzy.

In talks, the conversation always gets pointed to him for any discussion regarding anything with business or technical depth, she hates it. He's good at this shit, he's great with numbers and logic, but just because she communicates differently doesn't mean shes terrible. It's irritating.

Seifa:

Bullshit. She cannot abide hearing someone talk complete wank, and wants extremely direct clearcut conversation at all times bar if she's talking shit with friends. That's totally different.

She wouldn't manage to be in the same room as someone like Rhys or Katagawa for more than 5 minutes before she'd be ready to peel her own face off and eat her hands, so takes a lot of comfort from the "Please fucking kill me oh my god" gestures and grimaces Troy makes towards her from out of the speakers sight in meetings where they are dealing with the waves of verbal shite emanating from some corporate tool.

Troy:

Sleeping. It's just a fucking waste of time. It's completely pointless. Shut yourself down for hours so your body can release chemicals it needs? Fuck sake, just take the chemicals and stay awake, wow, well done, now you have 1/4 of your life back!

Dreams suck, waking up feeling like death sucks, spending hours laying awake staring at your ceiling while trying to make your "brain be quiet for once, just please.. be quiet.." for hours till you eventually pass out sucks, it's all stupid and wasteful and humans are dumb. He's dumb. Everyone's dumb.

Tenderness:

Tyreen: 

She'd see wanting it as being weak in a way, Ty doesn't need anyone for any reason, so she doesn't need intimacy or tenderness. Why would she? She's not weak, or soft. Not being able to touch others isn't even a factor here, don't you dare imply it is. Intimacy is for people who aren't strong enough to exist alone, don't insult her by thinking she'd ever want it. She watches those romcoms for the PLOT and the character development, did you see in that last episode of Skags of fire that Miguel finally got with Santia-

Seifa: Born 2 Tender (physically and monetarily)

She thrives off receiving and giving affection to close friends and partners, it's a part of herself she masks off from her general authoritative persona for a lot of reasons, people often see being caring or gentle as weak, and that's not something she can afford in day to day life.

People close to her know she's very tactile platonically, and an arm around a waist or shoulders is the norm if you're spending much time with her and she's in good spirits. She doesn't shy away from touch in general and has no problem initiating contact with anyone she trusts and is close enough with that she doesn't feel like being caring is a risk around. Intimacy and close tenderness with a partner is her main love language, and something she absolutely expects be provided to her.

Troy: Viciously envious of it

The last time he encountered freely platonic intimacy was in his childhood, both with Leda and Tyreen before Ty started to resent showing affection more and more as they got older. He's desperately, pathetically lonely and fully aware of that, even if he lies to himself that he's fine.

He can't request it from the people he sleeps with as it means showing them the real man under the persona, and he's learned that people do not like the real Troy, so he's starved of real intimacy despite having so much access to other people's bodies nightly.

Not all bad:

Troy

His intelligence.

It's one thing he can think back on and remember only ever receiving positive comments on, right from as early as he can recall. He's always been able to consider problems in a way that lets him break them down and approach them from a unique angle. Dad said he was able to "Think outside the box", but he never really understood what that meant till the twins landed on Pandora and he watched so many people run themselves into the ground when such simple solutions were right there. Maybe not moral solutions, but simple solutions regardless! He absorbs and retains information very easily without any real effort, and when he found out that wasn't the norm, it became a genuine point of pride for him. Something he was great at, unrelated to his persona.

Hips and thighs

While most of his upper body causes him physical pain or he dislikes in general for multiple uhh.. reasons, he's never had any issues with his lower body. He loves the definition of his hips and lower stomach, his knees haven't ever had any joint pain, his legs have always been toned and strong without really needing any focus on them. He's worked himself to the bone trying to fix the things about his upper body that he hates, but his legs? Nah. Nice :ok_hand:

He's really good at looking after plants

He's really good at it. Lots of people can't keep plants alive but he can :) No one knows about it, but he does. It's nice to be good at something. It's just ...nice. :)

Seifa

Her waist and stomach.

Sei is relatively curvy for her height and is very thankful for her narrow waist, or she'd look like a solid rectangle in heeled boots no matter what she wore. It helps her keep up the soft fem aesthetic she likes to mix with punk bullshit without much effort, gives her a shape in baggy engineering overalls, and keeps belt pouches ON. Like, ON on. Shit is never going to move. She has a slight soft curve to her lower stomach she used to hate, thinking it made her look overweight , but as she grew into her twenties learned to love. Other people liked it, she was just being a dumb kid.

Physical strength

Years of working with lugging heavy machinery has given her an unexpectedly solid core, and she'd have no problem lifting something, say, Troy weight, and flipping it over her low center of balance without a sweat. Which is very fun. On things that are Troy weight.

The loyalty she builds with others without trying

She's not sure what it is exactly she's been doing to prompt it, but over the last few years she's come to realise she has a genuine support network across the system of people who are very loyal to her, and are there when needed to back her up in trades, or filling positions she needs, or getting her in touch with a group she's got no foot in. People she works with or gets to know trust her and remember her even years later, it's been a nice thing to find out about herself, though she wishes she knew what exact thing about her was the source of it.

Asks are Open!

[stardxstsouls]

8, 10, 23 for El and 27 + 28 for Nex?

Elara

8. What were they told to start/stop doing most often as a child?

Unless she was downright behaving dangerously, or cruelly (rare), her dad didn't really discourage her from, well, acting like a kid. There were plenty of teaching moments, sure, but there wasn't any "no, don't do that!"

That being said, there were plenty of times where she set her mind on something, and common sense just... flew out the window. Most often, she was told to stop wandering off.

The first few times she visited dad's work, she got lost looking around because she forgot to tell people that she wanted to go see how the engineers did their jobs.

10. What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them?

She was a little older when she started telling this lie.

"No, nothing's going on."

At this point, it was kind of clear to everyone that she wasn't okay after coming home from The Incident. But no one knew that she was training herself, obsessively almost, and that she was going out at night to play a self destructive vigilante game.

And it does haunt her that she lied. As an adult now, she understands how bull-headed she was, and that she should have relied on the people she trusted more.

23. How does envy manifest in them?

At first, it manifests as an ache. She doesn't get angry that someone has something she doesn't, she aches because it's something she wants or needs, and she's seeing it like it's easy.

She's seen how jealousy affects people. How it eats them up and makes them toxic, cruel people who convince themselves that someone who has something that they want must be undeserving of it.

Instead of wallowing in self pity, she works. It's not hard, and that's something she understands.

Nex-Us

27. What causes them to feel dread?

Well, two things now. One, he can't quite pinpoint. He's not claustrophobic, or afraid of the dark. But some nights, he wakes to an overwhelming sense of dread. The kind he knows that people only feel right before they die. And he knows because he has. Before he wakes, sometimes he sees the battle that killed him. Sometimes, he feels himself clawing through a casket and trying desperately to dig out of his grave.

And the second would be finding El or one(or both) of the twins gone. He's not afraid she'll take them and leave, but he's afraid that one day, he'll turn around and she'll be turning to dust in front of him. That one day, the twins will disappear the same way she did. Sometimes, out in the garden, he'll turn to look at her, and instead of spots of smeared soil on her face, he'll see blood. Instead of his old shirts and pollen covered overalls, she's wearing a torn tactical uniform. His heart drops and dread sinks to his core because for a few seconds, his own garden will look like a battlefield.

28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

Even after all of his personal growth and learning to be a lot more open with his emotions and whatnot, he is still absolutely blunt with the truth. And he expects others to extend the same standard with him. He doesn't appreciate little white lies to spare his feelings, and let's be honest, he doesn't have a lot of them.

That being said, he retains info really well, so if he knows that someone may be more receptive to white lies, or that the truth may hurt them more in the long term, he will absolutely adjust himself to prevent another's discomfort. It may bother him a little, but not as much as hurting someone who doesn't deserve it.