#but she didn't wanna tell me in case I shouted @ her which I'd never do bc she is an angel

[captainsophiestark]

Filed Away

Agent Carter Gen

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for "Do As Peggy Says: An Agent Carter Zine"! If you haven't checked it out yet, find the finished zine here or check us out @agentcarterzine!

Fandom: Agent Carter

Summary: The AC Chaos Trio are looking for leads on the person who shot Jack, but it's a little harder when the New York SSR's file room is such a mess.

Word Count: 2,101

Category: Angst, Fluff, Humor

A/N: Special shoutout and thanks to @ghostofskywalker, both for being the best co-mod I could've asked for and for letting me have fun with her SSR file room headcanon, one of my favorites of all time!

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

"Hey!" called Jack, his voice ringing out and shattering the otherwise quiet peace of the office. "Either of you pull the file we had on that European crime syndicate a while back?"

Peggy and Daniel sighed in sync, taking their time bringing their eyes from their work to their friend. Jack still looked a little paler than normal, still recovering from the bullet wound that'd nearly killed him and definitely pushing himself too soon. But his haughty posture and attitude didn't drop for a second as he stared down his friends, hands on his hips.

"No, I haven't pulled it yet," answered Daniel, leaning back in his chair and turning to Peggy. "You?"

"No, although it may be a good lead to follow up on."

"Great," Jack huffed. "I don't suppose there's any way I can convince you to go grab that file for me? Since you think it's a good lead and all."

"Not a chance in this or any other world, Jack."

"Fine. Then I guess I'll be back."

With that, Jack turned and headed for the file room of the New York SSR. Peggy kept a very neutral expression on her face until he'd passed, then turned to Daniel with her mouth quirked up in a smile.

The two shared a knowing look, neither surprised when, a moment later, Jack's voice came shouting from the file room

"What the hell is this?"

A moment later, the blond reappeared, a furious scowl on his face. Peggy and Daniel just watched him calmly, nonplussed.

"Either of you wanna tell me why it looks like a bomb went off in my file room?" Jack asked, crossing his arms as he watched his two friends. Peggy just shrugged.

"I'd say most likely it's because the Chief in this office hasn't set foot in that room once in the past year or more that he's been Chief."

Jack narrowed his eyes at Peggy, but she didn't budge. Finally, he sighed, rolling his eyes and throwing up his hands in defeat.

"Fine. Whatever. You 've made your point, I shouldn't have dumped all my filing on you and Sousa. Congratulations. Now what's the plan for actually finding this information we need to get to start tracking down leads on the guy who shot me?"

Peggy sighed. She looked to Daniel, who gave her a shrug, then finally turned back to Jack.

"I suppose the three of us are just going to have to stay here and keep digging until we find it."

****************

Peggy had been right on the verge of telling Jack that he'd just have to sit in the file room all night looking for their case, since he was the one who'd cause the problem in the first place by refusing to ever do his own filing. But they needed to get the wheels turning on their case sooner rather than later, and the best way to do that was by finding this file, which would simply go faster if they worked together. So, here they were, sprawled around the SSR's file room with papers spread all around them, searching together for what they needed.

"Hey, you remember this?" asked Daniel, holding out the file he'd been scanning through to Peggy. "we caught that guy trying to copy a bunch of Stark's work."

Peggy took the file and scanned it quickly, then huffed.

"Oh yes, I remember him. I didn't tihnk it was possible to build a more unstable version of Howard's muscle relaxer, but somehow he managed."

"I have never been happier to not be on a case with the two of you," Jack chimed in. "And that's saying something."

Peggy scoffed and gave the file one last look before tossing it on the floor beside her. She leaned her back against the filing cabinet she'd been sitting in front of and let out a long sigh. They'd been in here searching for any lead, including the crime syndicate, for so long that the sky was just starting to lighten outside the window.

"This is turning into a massive waste of time," Peggy said, looking between Jack and Daniel. "If we think this case is tied to that nonsense file on me that Jack got in London, then I think it's time we just go to London and do some investgating on our own. There's no guarantee of a lead on whoever shot Thompson in this files anyway, so we may as well go be on the ground following up on things ourselves."

Daniel sighed and set down his own stack of files. "I agree. We're wasting time and resources here, we need to go follow up on leads in person."

"Jack?" asked Peggy, turning to the unusually quiet Thompson. "What do you think?"

Jack didn't respond. Instead, he kept staring holes in the wall just over Peggy's head. She shared a brief, concerned look with Daniel, then turned back to Thompson.

"Jack?" Peggy prompted, leaning forward just enough to give him a light nudge with her foot. He cleared his throat and plastered on a smile that didn't convince either of the experienced agents in the room with him.

"Yeah, I guess we'd better book some plane tickets. Home is calling you, Carter."

Peggy frowned. "Thompson, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said with a shrug. "Other than being stuck in this room so long the sun's starting to come up."

"Thompson," Peggy repeated, a sterner, disbelieving tone to her voice. Jack looked between her and Daniel, finding the same steely, not-letting-this-go look on both their faces. He sighed and rolled his eyes, then stood.

"Knock it off, both of you," he said. "I'm fine."

Peggy scoffed, not budging rom her seat on the floor.

"That is clearly not true," she said. Jack rolled his eyes, but Daniel picked up right where Peggy's left off.

"You're not a bad liar, Jack, but I don't think you coulda sold Samberly on that one."

Jack shook his head, but he didn't leave the file room either. If he'd tried, Daniel was ready with his crutch in one hand to trip Jack up and make him stay and talk, if all else failed. Instead, he crossed to the window in the back of the room, looking out at the city as the morning crowd was just starting to wake up, the night owls finally heading for bed. Peggy just watched him, employing her favorite interogation tactic of leaving a silence for the other person to eventually fill.

Jack did not disappoint. He spoke after a moment, his voice quieter and free of the usual bluster.

"You just don't ever expect to come back from the war only to almost bite it at home, you know?"

Peggy glanced over at Daniel. They both knew how that felt.

Peggy got to her feet, moving to stand just a little closer to Jack. Enough for a more serious conversation, but not crowding him. She leaned against one of the now-empty file racks as Daniel also got to his feet behind her.

"None of us like to think about that aspect of our jobs, Jack," Peggy said. "And if we think about it too much, it makes us worse at our jobs. But knowing that doesn't mean much when we're forced to think about it."

"Exactly," Daniel agreed, coming to stand beside her. "I mean, I wasn't Krzeminski's best friend, but losing him hurt for more reasons than one. Being reminded we're still risking our lives on the regular always hurts."

Jack shook his head, still not turning around.

"I think I came closer to dying here than I did over there. Every time somebody knocks on my door I freeze, like it might be that masked son of a bitch coming back to finish the job."

"That's normal, Jack," Peggy said softly. "And it's worse in a way, to know that death can find you here, too, where we're supposed to be safe from the things we faced and fought in the war. But you're not alone in dealing with it, and it will get better."

"And besides, we're around now. Anybody who wants to take another shot at you will have to go through us first."

Jack snorted, but he finally turned away from the window to face Peggy and Daniel.

"Thanks, you two. I'm sure I'll be fine. It's just..."

"We know," Peggy said, stepping in as Jack trailed off. "Out of anyone, Jack, we understand."

He nodded, not quite able to muster a response as he looked between his two friends. They gave him tight smiles and nods back, sharing the rare serious moment between the three of them. Then, Daniel sighed and fixed Jack with a grin.

"You know, if anybody's gonna take a shot at you again, it'll probably be me or Peggy. Nobody else stands a chance, they'll have to get in line."

"Other than perhaps the next agent who needs to find something in here," Peggy added. She turned to scan the room as Jack snorted at them both, his usual swagger and confidence returning to replace the vulnerability. "That agent will likely be comeing for us all, and with good reason."

"Yeah, speaking of which, what do we want to do about all this?" asked Daniel. In their effort to find the file they'd first been looking for, they'd torn the room apart, leaving boxes and files in a more disorganized mess than when they'd started--which was really saying something. "I mean, do we want to do something about it? Like... organize it, finally?"

No one answered right away, the three agents instead standing in silence, shoulder to shoulder as they surveyed the destroyed space around them. Light from outside was just starting to creep through as Peggy and Daniel at last turned to Jack.

"You're the one who still works out of this office," Peggy said with a shrug. "What do you want to do."

Jack sighed, long and heavy, then threw his hands up in defeat.

"Screw it. It's not like it was that much better before, and we got along fine. Besides, if I'm still stuck in this room when the sun comes I'm, I'm gonna lose it. Let's get out of here and get some plane tickets and breakfast. Somebody else can deal with this later."

Peggy grinned. "I think that sounds like an excellent idea. Are you taking orders?"

"You know, Carter, I would, but I'd rather all three of us get the hell out of this office to go somewhere else instead."

"Maybe we can find a place that'll make us beans on toast, or whatever the hell you people eat over there," Daniel added with a look towards Peggy as the three headed out of the file room. She just rolled her eyes.

"Have you ever tried beans on toast, Daniel?"

"No, but-"

"Then I don't think you get to criticize it."

"I can tell you right now I'm not ever eating that," Jack chimed in. "If I've learned one thing from being shot, it's to not waste whatever time I have left on things like beans on toast."

"If the two of you are so determined to dislike everything in the UK, I can just as easily go without you," Peggy said, head high as she walked ahead of the men, the three of them heading straight out the doors of the SSR without looking back. Daniel chuckled and Jack scoffed.

"Just try it, Carter. You couldn't get rid of us if you tried."

Peggy turned to them both with a raised eyebrow as they came to a stop in the elevator. After a beat, Jack sighed.

"Alright, maybe you could get rid of us if you tried. But then we'd just have two investigations running at once, which is a waste of time."

"Luckily for you, Jack, the two of you have somehow convinced me I'd rather work with you than not. Despite the inevitable cracks about my home country."

"Really feeling the love, Peggy," joked Daniel.

"So sweet you gave me a toothache," Jack chimed in. Peggy just rolled her eyes and shook her head as the elevator doors swung open and she headed out into the city without waiting for either of the boys. She knew they'd be right behind her, like they always were lately. A little team that had each other's backs. And despite one memeber of the team being Jack Thompson, Peggy really wouldn't have wished for anyone else.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen

Marvel Taglist: @valkyriepirate @infinetlyforgotten @sagesmells

[helloalycia]

just a kid [one] // wanda maximoff

summary: you're a field medic at the Avengers Tower and get into an accident where you hurt your head. It was only supposed to be a mild concussion, yet things don't seem to be going right when you try to remember the accident.

warning/s: mentions of violent/dark scenes.

author's note: here’s the first of a little two-parter I worked on not long ago, hope you all like it!

part two | masterlist | wattpad

I woke up with heavy eyes and an aching head, momentarily dazed.

"Hey there, Doctor Y/L/N... can you hear me okay?"

Breathing deeply, I found the energy to clear my throat and scan the view above me. I was laying down on a bed, in a hospital room, I think. The lights were ever so bright and I now knew how annoying it felt to wake up like this as my patients had.

"What happened?" I asked, eyes roaming around until they settled on my doctor. "Doctor Maya? What am I–? Why am I here?"

I recognised Doctor Maya as a colleague of mine, though unlike me, she was a doctor who worked at the Avengers Tower whereas I worked as a field medic so was more on the move. The only reason I'd be here is if I was in an accident. Was I? I wasn't sure.

"Something happened when you were on your last mission," she explained gently. "I– hold on. I'm going to get Miss Maximoff, okay?"

"Wanda?" I asked, furrowing my brows and pinching them to relieve the stress in my head. "Where is she? Is she here?"

"She just nipped out," Doctor Maya said, before backing up. "One second, Y/N."

She left the room momentarily, leaving me to try and remember what had happened. I was on the quinjet and was getting briefed with my team. There were casualties that we had to get to and an agent– an agent I was helping, yes!

I groaned, clutching my head when I tried to remember. Deciding I shouldn't push myself so soon, I waited until the doctor returned with Wanda. Maybe they could tell me how I ended up here. I wasn't exactly injured, at least not physically and that I knew of. My head hurt and that was about it.

The door to my room opened suddenly and I looked that way, seeing Wanda rushing in wearing her civilian clothing. The doctor followed soon after, gently closing the door behind her.

"You're awake," Wanda said with relief, stopping by my bedside. Her hand rested on mine, squeezing it comfortingly. "How are you feeling?"

I smiled upon seeing her, even if she was staring at me like I was a fragile piece of glass. We'd been dating for a while now and she always had the power to make me feel better with her presence.

"I'm alright," I promised. "Just a bit confused to what happened. The last thing I remember is going into the field. Then I woke up here."

She chewed on her lower lip, exchanging unreadable glances with the doctor.

"There was a mine that detonated near you when you were helping an injured agent," Wanda explained softly, and I opened my mouth to speak, but she quickly added, "The agent is okay before you ask. But you hit your head from the impact. Mild concussion."

"That's why your head hurts and you're having trouble remembering," the doctor said, earning my attention. "You should be feeling better soon. And I've got some medication for the pain."

Now that Wanda mentioned it, I did vaguely recall being thrown back by a blast. But remembering it was like watching a film with poor satellite, the screen fuzzing around the edges and remaining unclear even though you focused hard. I was sure it would return to me soon.

"Thanks," I said, before attempting to sit up straight. Wanda helped me as I looked to her with gratitude before paying my attention back to Doctor Maya. "Am I alright to leave?"

"Of course, yeah," she said, nodding quickly. "Feel free to come back if you have any trouble. You should be okay though."

I nodded and smiled gratefully before watching her leave. Sighing, I pushed my hair from my face and looked to Wanda who was hanging by me patiently, eyes twinkling with concern.

"I'm fine," I promised her with a knowing look.

She gave me a small smile – her way of saying I'm still worried, but I'll dial it down – then moved to the chair beside the bed and grabbed some clothes.

"You can change into this," she said about the clothes in her hand, and I was sure they were some of hers; mine must have been ruined from the mine. "And if you want, you can stay with me whilst you recover."

I raised my eyebrows as I accepted the clothes. "You sure? It's nothing serious. I can take care of myself."

She shrugged, eyes avoiding mine with embarrassment as her hands played with mine. "I wanna help. I like looking after you... plus, you've stayed at mine before. This isn't any different. And you can be closer to Doctor Maya in case anything is wrong."

I weighed the decision briefly before giving in, unable to resist how cute she was when she was worried. "Okay, yeah, sure, why not?" She smiled widely, and I added, "Any excuse to cuddle with you, right?"

She chuckled. "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist."

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Just let me get ready and we can head to your room. I'm actually a little tired."

She nodded and helped me up so I could get ready. I didn't think much of the whole thing, until later that night when I fell asleep beside Wanda.

My dreams never usually meant much. I wasn't one for reading into them, nor was I one to get seriously affected by 'nightmares', knowing they were usually a concoction of bad horror films and stupid ghost stories from my childhood.

But tonight was different.

It wasn't a dream and it wasn't a nightmare, but rather a memory that couldn't exist.

There was debris everywhere, a mixture of yellow rays blinding my sight with dark shadows looming over me. Destroyed buildings and scattered bodies – none were alive – surrounded me. The heat was too much, but I had a job. I knew I had a job, but I couldn't focus because of how fast my heart was racing, beating an incessant drum in my ears, and how rigid my body felt.

"Help!" a voice was shouting. A young girl, I think – she sounded like a kid. Who was it?

Before I could make sense of anything, I heard a loud noise, like an explosion, that sounded so close yet also extremely distant. Nonetheless, my eardrums weren't spared. The mine, maybe? Was this a memory? Was this how I got hurt?

I was thrown back, head hitting a wall, but I didn't pass out. There was a figure looming over me, short, like a child's shadow, but with no visible face or features. Nothing, actually, just a dark outline staring at me though I couldn't stare back because there was nothing to stare at.

The shouts for help returned, but it was distant like the explosion. I couldn't make sense of anything, and when I closed my eyes to blink, I opened them to find debris washing over me all over again, flying in the air along with my body. It had to be the explosion, my memory returning.

This time, when I hit the wall, I woke with a start. My eyes snapped open, taking in the dark room and nightly blue hue casting over the ceiling and walls. I swallowed hard, finding my breath, and raised my hand to gently massage my forehead. An aching pain was shooting all over, forcing me to sit up as slowly as I could as to not wake up Wanda, who appeared to be fast asleep beside me.

I checked the clock beside her bed and saw it was closing on half three in the morning. I went to bed around nine, which was also when I last had my medication. Doctor Maya said I could have it every five to seven hours and when I got a severe headache.

"I guess this counts...," I mumbled to myself, before grabbing the medication and bottle of water beside the clock.

I downed the two tablets within seconds before sitting upright for a few more minutes, needing a moment to myself before attempting to get back to sleep.

"Y/N...? Are you up?"

I winced at the sound of Wanda's groggy voice, immediately feeling bad for waking her. I turned around and saw her rubbing her eyes with one hand whilst blinking away her fatigue.

"Just have a headache, don't worry," I reassured quietly, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. "You can go back to sleep."

"Do you need me to get you anything?" she asked, finally able to keep her eyes open long enough to meet my gaze with her cloudy green ones.

I smiled through my exhaustion. "I'm okay, love. I've had some medicine."

"Well, I can get you something to–" she began, trying to make a move to sit up, but I pushed her back down gently.

"I'm okay," I repeated sternly, before slipping back into bed beside her. Wrapping an arm around her torso, I said, "Get back to sleep."

She nodded tiredly, getting comfortable and pulling me closer to her. I felt her arm wrap around me as I snuggled closer, relaxing in her embrace.

"Wake me if something is wrong," she mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you, too," I returned, kissing the closest thing to me which was her chest. "Goodnight."

Admittedly, it was still difficult for me to fall back asleep. It must have been no longer than ten minutes when I heard Wanda's breathing and felt the gentle rise and fall of her chest beneath me – she'd fallen back asleep. I sighed, slightly jealous, but stayed close to her and tried not to think about my accident or my weird dream/nightmare. Eventually, slumber found me.

The next morning, I didn't exactly feel well-rested, but I didn't want to concern Wanda nor draw attention to it as I knew it was probably just a rough first night. Instead, I let myself get distracted with Wanda wanting to cook me breakfast.

I soon found myself in the kitchen, sitting at the island and watching Wanda cook some pancakes for us both with an endearing smile on my lips. She was still in her pyjamas like me, her red hair pulled into a messy ponytail as an afterthought, and she radiated beauty. Right there, I could only wish my future looked exactly like this.

My moment of admiration was interrupted when someone came into the kitchen, earning our attention. It was Sam, one of the Avengers and a colleague of Wanda's.

"Good morning, ladies," he greeted with a smile. Already dressed for the day ahead, he asked, "Do I smell pancakes?"

"They're for Y/N, so back off," Wanda said playfully, pointing her spatula at him threateningly.

He raised his hands with defeat as I chuckled.

"Relax, I've got a shake," he said, grabbing said protein shake from the fridge. "Enjoy your pancakes." He glanced to me, expression softening as he added, "And I hope you feel better, Y/N. I heard about your accident."

"Thank you, Sam," I said gratefully, noticing the way Wanda flinched at his words. "I'm already feeling better, so..."

"That's great," he said genuinely, before looking between us. "I'll catch you guys later."

We both waved our goodbyes to him as he left. I wanted to question what was up with Wanda just then, but as Sam left the kitchen, the door slammed shut and startled me more than I thought it would. The noise sounded so familiar, so loud, kind of like what I heard last night in my dream. It must have been the mine when it exploded, a ghost of a memory that was returning. But that didn't seem right. Why didn't that seem right?

"Hey, Y/N, you okay?" Wanda asked, and I looked up, only to notice she was now standing by my side and looking down at me with concern.

I licked my lips, nodding. "Yeah, sorry, I just... yeah. I'm fine."

Her eyes were swimming with doubt, but she chose to say nothing. Instead, to my relief, she pulled me close, giving me a quick hug which I appreciated. As my head rested against her chest, I tried to ignore the familiar striking pain travelling around my forehead.

—

It was two nights later when another strange dream plagued my sleep. Similar to last time, there was a strange combination of scenes that I was sure I remembered and scenes that made no sense. This time though, all that I could feel was a tenseness in my whole body, like I was in a frozen state and my mind and body couldn't communicate. I couldn't move, paralysed by... fear? Shock? Disbelief? I didn't know what it was, but I woke up in the same way.

I'd heard of sleep paralysis, even experienced it a few times without realising. I think this was one of those times, with my body frozen in bed beside Wanda, but I didn't know it at the time. It just felt like a horribly-real dream. The room was dark, the familiar, yet unsettling, nightly blue hue casting shadows on the wall. But on the ceiling, bright and terrifying scenes played out before me. An explosion. Debris. Screaming.

None of it made sense and all I could feel was shock, horrified at how I couldn't move a muscle even if I tried. I tilted my head, seeing the alarm clock glowing red in the dark, letting me know it was past midnight. To the left, I saw a sleeping Wanda, lost in her dreams and unable to help me. I wanted to get up, run my hands over my face, have some water, open a window, do something. But I couldn't move. All I could do was watch the nightmare dance across the ceiling as my heart struggled to beat regularly and my lungs struggled to get enough oxygen.

I didn't know how long I was stuck like that, tears brimming my eyes and body paralysed with fear. But it finally ended and I opened my eyes, only to find the ceiling blank and myself able to move. Reluctantly, I lifted my hand, wiping the tears from my cheeks. It was just a dream (or form of sleep paralysis in hindsight). It wasn't real. But God, it felt horribly terrifying.

Admittedly, I was scared to go back to sleep for fear it would occur again. So, my eyes stayed wide awake, burning with exhaustion, and I continued to stare at the shadows on the wall, feeling my heart pounding in my ears.

I must have fallen asleep again at some point, as I woke up the next morning to Wanda getting out of bed. Sitting up in bed, I looked around and found the fear of last night wearing off now that the room was bathed in the morning light. Still, I was more shaken than I thought.

Not wanting to draw attention to it though, I let the day go on as usual, deciding to appreciate the free time I had from work to spend with Wanda. We decided to go to the park for a walk – Wanda thought it would help get me out of the Tower and I was hoping the fresh air would give me some clarity and help me to recover.

Only, it did the opposite.

We were walking hand in hand, myself listening to Wanda as she chatted about something that happened in training. If I'm being honest, I wasn't really listening; my thoughts were preoccupied with the jumbled mess that was my mind. Glimpses of memories were dancing across my head, teasing me with elements of the truth I couldn't quite make out.

My eyes drifted around mindlessly, settling on a little girl playing by the swings with her parents. I didn't think much of it, but then the familiar shouts for help from my nightmare plagued my mind, making me flinch. The dark, looming shadow returned and I suddenly felt a headache coming on, the pressure against my brain making me nauseous.

I stopped abruptly, letting go of Wanda's hand. She stopped speaking, turning around and furrowing her brows with concern.

"Hey, Y/N, what's wrong?" she asked, and I winced, clutching my head to relieve the pain.

The wave of nausea left after a moment, but the headache remained. I heard Wanda repeat my name quietly, sensing my discomfort.

"I think I need to see Doctor Maya again," I finally found my words.

"What is it? What's wrong?" she asked, resting a hand on my cheek and tilting my head up to meet her eyes. "You can tell me."

Her eyes were reassuring, calming me in an instant. I wanted to tell her everything, but I didn't want to burden her with my anxieties, so I offered her a small smile.

"I just don't think my recovery is as straightforward as I thought," I settled. "She may be able to help."

Wanda chewed her lower lip, nodding slowly. Thankfully, she didn't question me anymore. Instead, she took me back to the Tower to see Doctor Maya. I was grateful as she waited with me for her to be free, until I had to convince her I'd be okay going in myself.

"Are you sure? I don't mind," she said, exchanging looks with Doctor Maya, who looked away quickly.

I glanced between them, mildly confused, but nodded to Wanda. "I'd rather go alone, Wanda. I'll be okay."

She nodded, squeezed my hands comfortingly, then let me go. When I headed into Doctor Maya's office, she took a seat behind her desk and motioned for me to sit before her.

"You said this was urgent," she spoke first, after I took a seat opposite. "Is everything okay?"

I licked my lips, looking down at my hand as it scratched the arm of the chair nervously. "No... not really."

After a moment of hesitation and partial embarrassment, since I knew this was only supposed to be a mild concussion that felt like so much more, I explained everything that happened to Doctor Maya. The odd dreams/nightmares, the headaches, the overlapping memories and sleep paralysis. As hard as it was to relive, I told her everything in hopes she had an answer that maybe I hadn't realised.

When I finished speaking, she looked distracted with her own thoughts. I waited patiently, watching as she nodded to herself before looking to me calmly.

"It doesn't seem like anything to worry about, truthfully," she said, which I didn't expect. "You suffered a mild concussion, yes, but it must have rattled you more than we thought. The dreams and trouble sleeping are a result of your headaches and returning memories. You do remember what happened, right?"

I nodded, though something felt incorrect. "I think so, yes. I was helping an agent when a mine went off. I was thrown back, covered in debris. Hit my head."

She hummed. "Yes... and you're taking your medication?"

Another nod. "Of course. I just want to get better. The sooner I do, the sooner I can return to work."

"Then it seems that your only opponent is stress and impatience," she said simply. "You need to relax. Keep taking your meds. Try not to worry about returning to work just yet. Focus on getting better. I can prescribe you some sleeping pills if you think that will help."

Sighing disappointedly, I nodded. I was expecting more to be honest, possibly an explanation. Her words made sense logically, but it still didn't feel right. Nonetheless, I didn't want to hold her up any longer, so I let her prescribe me some more medication before leaving. Maybe I'd give relaxing a shot.

—

"It's a meatball."

I stifled a laugh as I studied the oddly shaped ball of meat in Wanda's hand. "Is it?"

She narrowed her eyes playfully. "It is otherwise you're making your own meal."

I laughed, pressing a haste kiss to her cheek. "Okay, okay, it's a meatball. Add it to the tray."

We were cooking spaghetti and meatballs for dinner about six days after my incident out in the field. I was still staying with Wanda at the Tower, and I was taking Doctor Maya's advice with my recovery. I didn't worry myself with returning to work which, admittedly, helped out, and the sleeping pills knocked me out long enough to get a good sleep. Though, sometimes the nightmares would still return. I didn't think about them too much though, not wanting them to hinder my recovery. Instead, I focused on getting better with my very supportive girlfriend by my side.

Wanda added the meatball to the baking tray, alongside the others, but as she reached to form another one from the bowl full of minced meat, she accidentally knocked it to the floor. The meat splattered across the tiles, making her gasp.

"Shit," she cursed, eyes widening slightly.

"Very clever," I teased with a smile.

"Let me just–"

"I got it," I cut her off, already bending to clear it up. "Just put the tray in the oven, yeah? Try not to drop it."

"Ha-ha, very funny."

I looked up in time to see her rolling her eyes playfully, but she grabbed the tray as I said.

I kneeled down, scooping the meat up and throwing it in the bowl, knowing it would have to go in the bin now. As I did, I realised how familiar the meat looked. Pink and flesh-like, covering my hands and sticking to me. Suddenly, my hands were shaking, the fleshy bits surrounded by blood, and I tried to blink away the sight, expecting to just see minced meat, but I couldn't. They were covered in what I somehow knew was the flesh of body parts.

Startled, I fell back onto my butt, my back hitting the drawer behind me and pulling me from my daydream. Wanda looked down at me with confusion, before sensing something was wrong and leaning down beside me. She rested a hand on my head, thumb stroking my forehead.

"What's wrong?" she asked, confused eyes staring between me and my hands which were still shaking. She grabbed the tea towel from the counter above us before wiping my hands for me and holding them. "Y/N. This has happened a few times. Please tell me what happened."

I was still shaken, unsure why there was a discomfort in the pit of my stomach. I risked glancing at my hands, which were clean and no longer covered in human fle– I mean, meat.

"I don't know what's going on," I finally admitted to her, shaking my head. "It's like my thoughts aren't my own. I can't control them. I just keep seeing stuff that isn't real."

She frowned, eyes peering through mine patiently.

"I still can't remember what happened with the mine," I said, swallowing the lump forming in my throat. "It's like, I know what happened and I know it's real, but when I try to remember, it just doesn't happen quite right. The picture doesn't appear. And I don't know why."

She pressed her lips together, jaw clenching slightly. I wasn't sure what she was thinking, but her eyes wouldn't meet mine.

"What did the doctor say?" she asked lowly.

I sighed, the discomfort still lining my stomach. "She thinks I just need time."

Wanda nodded, finally lifting her gaze. "Maybe she's right."

I knitted my brows together with frustration, nudging her away and standing up. "I don't need time! I'm a doctor, too. I know it shouldn't take this long. It was a mild concussion. I've treated hundreds of those."

"Y/N–"

"Just forget it," I said with exasperation, pulling away from her as she tried to reach out again. I knew it was uncalled for, taking it out on her for no reason, but I was too frustrated with the situation to care. "I think I'm gonna go for a walk."

She sighed from behind me, running a hand through her hair. I left her in the kitchen, suddenly not in the mood to eat. Clearly all of Doctor Maya's advice wasn't working – what I was experiencing wasn't normal. I needed to see her again.

So, after cleaning my hands properly and having a walk around the Tower to clear my head (as expected, it didn't work), I headed to Doctor Maya's office, hoping she was still in work today. To my surprise, when I reached her office, I saw her door was slightly ajar and she was already speaking to someone. My intention wasn't to eavesdrop, but when I heard my name said in a hushed whisper from a familiar voice, I knew I had to stay.

"...can't say anything," Wanda finished. "She'll get better."

Doctor Maya sounded frustrated. "It's not right, Miss Maximoff. This is against everything I stand for. Against everything Y/N stands for, too, I'm sure."

"This is for her benefit," Wanda snapped, before taking a deep breath. "Look, she can't handle the truth. It'll break her... I haven't worked out the kinks, but it'll be okay. She'll get better."

What the hell were they talking about? What truth could I not handle? Wanda and the doctor were in on something together, something they didn't want me to know... and it was something to do with why I was feeling like how I was. I knew I wasn't going insane – something was wrong!

I left them to it with plans of seeing the doctor afterwards, not wanting to get caught, and tried to wrap my head around the fact that Wanda had been keeping something from me this whole time. How could she? I didn't want to jump to conclusions, but I thought that we could trust each other.

What was she hiding?

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Interview With Mr Wayne

Masterlist

You visit Bruce after inning your court case to celebrate but Bruce hashad a bad day and decides tocheer imself up with a little roleplay~

Warnings: Adult Situations 18+,Smut ,Teasing ,Fingering, Sir Kink?, Panty Kink?, Desk sex, Swearing!, Overstimulating

A/N: This has been sitting on my tablet for about eight nine weeks maybe more? Finally finished it. Just been so side tracked with my other stories. But here is some Bruce Wayne smut..I hope you like it xx

Taglist: @125bluemachine125​ @iloveyouyen​ @thefangirlsblog​ @itismineru​ @tinabean37​

You quickly ran through the lobby of the tower barely remembring to swipe your card against the reader, a new addition that Bruce had installed since nearly getting caught with you in the public elevator now you had a private elevator that lead you to the left of his office in a small concealed hall next to the toilet just behind Mary's desk and it needed a card to access it wasnt much but it was something, its not like you were ever going to convince Bruce to not have sex at work...It was like asking the man to stop being a smug little shit or like asking Tim to cut out caffeine it just wasn't going to happen. You came to a stop trying to bite back a squeal, you was happy so happy, your old boss had decided to settle out of court once all the evidence was put out for her to see some of which was going to be on her record for a long time. Tom had quit once he heard about what had happened and she had gone bust and couldn't afford to go to court already processing for bankruptcy. Tom is trying to buy it from her and was going through getting a loan from the bank. Bruce had said if they didn't aprove he would give Tom the money outright just to 'piss off that bitch'. You on the other hand didn't care about that instead you was pleased with the fact that you hadn't hid behind Bruce,you had done it alone... You had won by yourself well with the help of two of Bruce's lawyers..He wanted you to use them all but eight seemed a bit over the top,  either way you kept Bruce out of it. You wanted to prove that you could stand on your own two feet in some respects. Your aim was to make an example of her, to show that you are a force to be reckoned with in your own right and that just because you have been quiet up until now does not mean you'll let everyone walk over you, not anymore. You smiled in the elevator mirror pulling at your blazer shimmying your bra as the bones dug in to your ribs making you wince you'd gone dressed in a two piece pinstripe suit, smart high waisted straight cut pants the blazer had two rows of buttons giving what you called the 'old mafia' vibe and a dark plum almost black shirt stolen from Bruce's closet for...Reasons.  Your high heels echoed on the marble floor as you exited the elevator rounding the corner seeing Mary sitting there balancing a pen below her nose on her lip you giggled.  "Working had or hardily working?" She jumped dropping the pen on the desk turning to look at you and wolf whistled. "Well if I didn't know for definite that you were bobbing my bosses knob I'd try to peel that suit of you and have a taste myself you look delicious!" You rolled your eyes used to the womans not so subtle flirting. "If I ever get curious I will give you a call" she giggled at your monotone reply licking her lips "Promises promise's~" you huffed at her shaking your head then nodded to the full board room Bruce sitting at the head of the table looking just about done with their shit. His shoulders were tense and squared as one little man raised his voice across at him. You licked your lips taking your bottom one into your mouth biting it as Bruce held his gaze steady and smiled making the other one sit his scrawny as back down.  Fuck yes, you loved boss Bruce, and Batman Bruce and Alpha Bruce fuck any Bruce...But Boss Bruce got you going like nothing else, you almost whined seeing him work, a stern gaze across the table daring them to challenge him further. Oh god you just wanted to walk in and fuck him there and then, let the others see him fuck the life out of you. You sucked on your bottom lip again trying to fight back a pitiful whine. So public sex may have become a kink since your little holiday...You'd both been caught fucking on the beach by one of the staff Bruce hired to take care of the house and when he hadn't stopped just kept rutting into you faster knowing they were stealing glances, the way his voice dropped teasing you about having an audience how he wanted you to give them a show. Ugh. It had made you cum so hard you passed out for a few seconds and when you woke he was still at it albeit slower and biting off chuckles away as you flushing so fast you became dizzy below him. "You need a drink your looking thirsty there" you snapped yourself out of your thoughts and glared playfully at the woman as she got up walking to the small corridor you'd came from, not only did it hide the new elevator and toilet but also a small kitchenette. You sighed following her taking one last glance as Bruce pointed sterny at a few of the men you could only imagine how deep his voice had gotten you shivered. "Come on before you leave a puddle! They have only just polished this shit...And I don't feel like trying to find a 'caution wet floor' sign" you groaned at her. She hopped up on to the counter waiting for the kettle to boil. You moved to lean against it placeing down Your bag and the folder holdjng your settlement details you'd brought with you to show Bruce. "Sooo where did you go off to back there? It looked...fun" you smiled at her blushing. "Just thinking of our holiday was all...We experimented, seeing him in there just reminded me" she moved adding sugar to two cups snorting at you before nudging you playfully. "Oo kinky tell me more~"  "I dont kiss and tell Im afraid...Not sober anyway" she snorted at that then waved a hand at you. "Kiss and tell? psh like all you did was kiss...So no details?, not one tiny little ounce of Juicey gossip? come ooonnn!" you shook your head at her with a grin and she pouted "Oh boo! your just like him no fun at all! , I tried getting details out of Bruce and he just went red and shy...SHY! I didn't know he could do shy... So what ever you did Mama me next? please and thank you" you flushed at her laughing her off as she handed you your tea wrigglingnher eyesbrows. You both sat in comfortable silence for a few moments sippingnyour drinks. "Soo? Did you top him?" You choked spitting your tea back into the cup coughing and then turned to her gaping like a fish. "Where did?-did he tell you?" Her face lit up and she giggled around a whispered 'HO-LY SHIT!' "Oh my fuck you did! Get it girl! You teach that big boss man! You make him eat the peach?" You blushed and stam,ered tryjng to find the words to get out of this one. "Oh fuck shit look seriously dont tell anyone he'd never forgive me if that got out!" "Oh honey no! I'd never!...But no he didn't tell me I guessed, you know he did go shy so...Must have been somthing new...But kudos to giving him a taste of girl power..Enjoy yourself atleast" "Oh...well yes I was surprised I managed to pull it off..I mean Bruce is big and strong and I wasn't exactly sure the cuffs would hold when he realised what I did he got smug teasing me...Then mad when he realized I wasnt fucking around-" she squealed and bounced on the spot "Shit!? You just sprung cuffs on him?! wow Mama you got a set of balls!...Bet you paid for it" you chuckled sipping your tea. "Well.. He got his pay back...The man has more stamina then I give him credit for..." she snorted nodding shaking her head dropping to conversation seeing you were uncomfortable. You shifted before speaking up again. "So how long has he been in there for?" She peered around the side into the hall that had a veiw of the clock. "Bout three hours...They are opening a new office in central city which Bruce is fine with, it will make a few things easier...But the board want to place one of their sons as the branch manager, Bruce said no. This kid has only been here for two years and hasn't got a single promotion or anything! He isn't really any good at his job ,he only got the job by pulling strings. Bruce wants to promote someone who deserves it not hand it over to some fucking daddies boy...But true to form this guy started going ahead anyway, telling the others that Bruce agreed apparently, daddy promised this little shit the job...This tit doesn't know it yet but Bruce is about to fire him his son and two other board members for this little drama." You frowned at her "He can do that? I thought only the share holders or some shit could sack someone that high up?" She gave you a look and blinked slowly. "Honey your man is the main shareholder...He owns like ninety percent of the company....Thats why his name is on the building...On that note lets head back I wanna see this...You probably will to just remember no puddles~" you moved to swipe at her playfully as she scampered away down the hall laughing you followed snatching up your folder holding the documents of your settlement in your hands.

You turned the corner you heard raised voices and saw Bruce sitting leaning back arms crossed his head was tilted and he looked pleased with himself as the three older men and one young sprog was stangding before him each in various emotional states.  The oldest one was shouting at Bruce with animated hand gestures towards himself and the young man; you assumed he was the father and son. The young man was more panicked then anything you could see from here he didnt want to be there, he wanted his father to shut up and to leave.  You turned your attention  to the other two middle aged men around Bruce's own age both had seemed to accept what ever had just happened. Bruce moved forward sitting staight then pointed to them saying something else making everyone in the room flinch then he leaned back holding his hands out at his sides then nodded to the door. You froze as Bruce saw you and smiled at you for a second, your view was interrupted as the now unemployed men tried storming past the desk. "Err excuse me gentlemen? I'm afraid you will need to hand in your company id's and passes..." the eldest swore and clambered over to the desk, you moved to the side with your tea and sipped it slowly. Letting the irate man pull his wallet from his pocket tearing the cards out and slammed them down then he turned to his son who handed in his id sheepishly then they both left quickly with one last snarl to Bruce through the glass. You released a breath when all four men were in the elevator and out of sight. "I always hated that man, rude and pig headed...He is elitist...Which is pretty ironic when you realise he was raised by working class parents." You snorted at her then turned to the board room as Bruce said something that looked like a threat well if the reactions were anything to go by. Then he dismissed the remaining men with a wave of his hand. Before any of them were out he had already signaled you to enter the room. You moved picking up your cup and folder then circled Mary's desk. "Ooo the board room today? I shall put the cleaners on sandby" You flipped her the bird as she laughed out loud "Fuck you Mary" you called over your shoulder walking towards the door. "If only you would my love~" you giggled  at her shaking your head. You bit your lip watching as the men leaving the room all but jumped out of your way, not wanting to risk any contact with you especially when Bruce was watching them like a hawk....And in what they precived as a bad mood. The last man held the door open for you as you entered you nodded to him. "Thank you" he stuttered flushing as you smiled  "Y-your welcome" he quickly left the room almost tripping over his feet as Bruce's gaze scalded his back.

You walked forward towards him as he spun his chair to face you a devious smirk on his face man spreading with his hands resting just above his crotch. "Well what do we have here?..Heels? Pantsuit? And no doubt that folder's holding the little ladies resumé..." you squinted at him playfully and recived a wink in return. So thats how he wants to play it today?. You smiled you'd play along. You moved standing taller. Prouder.  "Of course Mr Wayne...Would you like a peek?" Your words rolled off the tongue in a sultry voice full of promise. He moved holding out a hand for you to place the folder in it. "Only if your offering Mrs?" "Miss Cooke with an E and if I wasn't offering I wouldn't be here I assure you" he chuckled a deep smug sound that made your knees quiver slighltly as you played along with him. He hummed flicking open the folder scanning the documents. Your heart sped up as his smirk got wider and wider untill he was grinning like a cheshire cat. "Very impressive...Your Boyfriend must be proud of you  for such an acomplishment" you giggled taking a step closer to him. "I'd like to think so Mr Wayne" you grinned yourself as you saw him stiffen at you calling him his title. He quickly flipped the folder closed and let hit fall onto the huge table with a slap. "I would say most definetly...I wonder what he would think? you being here at my disposal?" you sucked through your teeth. "Well he is a man in uniform, bit of a brute at times but there are ways to placate him, I'm sure I can persuade him ~ if I think the reward is great enough" he chuckled shaking his head and gave a lopsided grin before speaking in a gravley tone low and tempting. "Oh I assures you miss Cooke it will be worth it~" you moved forward leaning on the table infront of him hands gripping the sides and leaned down bending at the waist holding his gaze before trailing down to his crotch then back up smirking. "Ha! come now Mr Wayne...There are certain things we both know money can't buy~" he moved forward to capture your lips but you dodged him swiftly. He growled and leaned back taking a quick glance to the door seeing Mary had gone...The elevator light red signaling noone was going to reach this floor until he reactivated it, a very good investment if he did say so himself!.  He turned to you smirking knowing just how this will play out. He moved a hand capruting your bottom lip with his thumb you licked at him making him humm, then you pulled it into your mouth watching him closely as you wrapped your tongue around him lapping and massaging it he smirked and pressed down lightly making you moan and suck harshly. "..So a sharp tongue...Not to sharp, you mouth will come in handy" you hummed a a small giggle around his digit and bit lightly running your teeth over him as he withdrew you winked at him playfully smaking your lips at him. He rolled his eye before snapping back into 'boss mode' crossing his arms over his chest leaning into the plush leather chair rolling it back a foot or so, taking his time to drink in the sight of you. Leaning back on the table he was about to make a mess of~ the pant suit definitely accentuated your curves the top button of the jacket fighting to contain your breasts he knew were being held high by a balcony bra just below...  He grunted raising in his seat trying to catch a peek of the deep cleavage the bra produced but nope...Nothing the shirt you wore was large and fit snugly but sadly there were none of the dreaded button gaps for him you use as his own private little peep show. "I can see you have the skills for the most part...However there are some...Personal aspects to the position I can't have just anybody as my assistant, they have to have a drive...A willingness  to do anything it takes to get the job done...Tell me Miss Cooke could you see yourself going the distance....The whole nine yards so to speak?" You snorted at him and tried swollowing a chuckle...You tired to hold it in but you couldn't. He smiled dropping his roleplay for a second shaking his head at you but quickly you found your composure and stood straight. "I think nine is pushing it~" he frowned at you playfully and crooked a finger with a sly look.  "Oh really what ever happened to 'oh Bruce its in my tummy~'" you gasped horrified as he tried mimicking a high moan...You have never said that!....Well you don't think you had to be honest when your fucking him you never really know what's coming out of your mouth... "YOU?! I have never said that....Have I?" He through his head back laughing loud echoing through the large empty space. "No but you've thought it~ I can tell...Either way my sweet little woman why don't we see if its possible~ see if you can back up those words" you shook your head blushing it was completely possible youd screamed that out at him. And the idea you could have shamed and aroused you. "...I'm sure I could handle anything your dishing out Mr Wayne." He groaned moving his hands away from his stomach reajusting himself tugging his belt. You flushed when his hand rose quickly pulling your shirt from your pants he chuckled seeing how far it fell... It was definitely one of his, that would be why there was no tugging on the buttons you smiled shyly. "Your Boyfriends?" And just like that the game was back on track. You moved twiddling the lower buttons of the shirt a little embarassed about stealing it this morning. "W-well Mr Wayne today was a big day...Its intimidating coming here, standing on my own two feet...His scent calms me down I feel safe" he smiled softly before slowly popping the buttons on the suit jacket  pulling it off and letting it fall to the floor behind you he burst out laughing as the sleeves of his shirt fell down a good few inches over your hands as the jacket wasnt holding them up and longer. "Hey! Don't laugh at me!" He moved forward kissing you softly. "Sorry sweets...You just look so cute!" You pouted as he ran his hands across you slowly pulling the shirt up snaking a hand the the side zipper of the trousers and with a quick flick of his wrist the heavy fabric fell to the floor with a soft thump.

He moved back taking a moment to admire you standing in just his shirt and underwear before him. It looked like a dress how you smoothly tucked it in, he didnt have a clue he groand and bit his lip then moved. He rolled the chair back towards you and pressed you to sit on the table. You half expected him to slip his hands under your ass and drag down your panties but he didn't. He pushed both feet to rest on the egde of the table forcing you to lean back and catch yourself on your hands. "Bruce?" His eyes flicked up to your uncertain gaze he just grinned wickedly and winked at you. "Hold still Miss Cooke~" and with that he moved his hands from the bottom of your legs, running his fingertips along your calfs making you shiver as he formed goosebumps on the skin, your breath hitched when he continued dragging them along your soft thighs down towards your center. Your pussy clenched and you moaned softly almost trying to rock towards him but you held back not moving you didnt' was to fall off the table. You flushed heart racing and your pussy wept onto the cotton making you whine knowing it wouldn't be long befor he noticed. Bruce chuckled at your little whines and soft pants as he bypassed your center and cupped the top of your thighs moving to your hips rubbing slow warm circles before retracing his movements coming back to the soft pudgy thighs then up. He moved again skipping your hot wanting center and began undoing the buttons of his shirt that was draped over you stoping just under your bust and flicking it behinde you pulling it from under your ass roughly causing you to squeak as your heated skin hit the cool pollished wood. He chuckled and moved his hand cupping your throbbing center teasing the wet hole with a firm rub of his fingers squeazing you and circling the damp patch on your undies prodding shallow teasing thrusts. You through your head back and moaned as his hand continued rolling and rubbing the flexing muscles, it was incredible each and every time this man touched you but there something about him groping you through the layers of your clothes...Something taboo about being made to mess your underwear ,drenching them through.  He moved flexing his strong hand squeezing your cunt. In a delicious possessive fashion. You grunted and rocked towards him the friction of your panties rubbing your clit, the warmth of his hand adding to the sensations. Your body was hot already the anticipation of things to come making you pants and breaths hitch his flicking and playing with your growing arousal smearing the small flood with his fingers dragging it across the gusset of your panties in deliberate strokes. "Ive never made you mess your panties before~ would you like that? For me to make you cum? Make you soak them through?" You bit your lip closing your eyes and gyrated your hips against him trying to chase an orgasm that was building far to slowly for your liking. You nodded clenching your fists into his shirt whining as the very first trembles began and you began hearing the your wetness againt his hand on the thin material. "Oh? You like that idea baby? For me to force you to cum? Force you to gush inside these cute little panties all over the table? The table where all the important meetings are held? Let your cum stain the wood right here? Right were I sit and work?" You nodded quickly gasping as his hot palm pulled back, you didn't have a chance to whine as he lifted it and gave a cupped plam slap to your whole wet center. The sharp slap made you jump rocking into him with a gruntal moan. He chuckled again then slapped quicker making you tremble. "FUCK! BRU-bruce! AH SH-IT PLEASE-please fuck please  more~" he chuckled moving his other hand around your throat and squeezed just enough to make your breathes deeper. And slapped your pussy harder making it sting. You cried out nevertheless in lewd moans curling forward each slap left a sting that added to the warm hum of you nerves, insides protesting to being empty as they coiled and tensed. There was a knot deep inside that was pulled tighter and tighter with each movement he made mastering your insides without even touching them. A skill you hadn't truly accepted until now as he toyed with you. "Now now~ is that anyway to call out for your new boss, you should ask nicely.?.Be polite" you shook your head as he slapped again this time keeping it there and rubbed harsher and faster then before concentrating on your erect bud that pressed on the cotton. You bucked one foot slipping but bruce was quick leaning a knee on the table taking the weight of the foot keeping you open and still with a chuckle. He watched as tears began falling from your eyes...You were close so close he could tell. He tipped his hand rubbing the heel of his palm to your clit rubbing violently curling his fingers digging them over your hole pressing harder on the sensitive petals just below. "FuckFUCFUCK NOOO-I'M SORRY SIR! PLEASE MR WAYNE UGHAH AH oh-oh shit plea-please Mr Wayne please sir!" He smiled pressing his hand flat then began patting you quickly making you moan loudly. You closed your eyes pushing your hips towards him crying out as he sped up. Each well placed pat sent tremors up and down your spine you withered, legs tensing and untensing as you tried tochase the high. Your pussy grew warmer and yout breathes sharp. The tell tale signs of an impending orgasm that had crept up on you. "AH-FUCK PLE-PLEASE SIR PLEASE-MR WAYNE UGH-FUUUUGH SHIT PLEASE PLEASE MR WAYNE PLEEAASE!" He smirked and moved faster alternating his rubs and flicks with varying slaps and pinched your body tensed and arched painfully as you crieds out as he drove you higher and higher. "Thats it baby~.....Fuck you look so gorgeous, fucking incredible...Cum! I want you to cum inside those little panties all over my desk baby....Thats it all over Mr Waynes spot~ Good girl!" You choked out moans and grunts your body was shivering and your lust boiled in your tummy and finally with one final harsh wet slap you came loudly throwing yourself back at the force. Bruce barely captured you to soften your fall gently placing you to lie back on the desk ass only just on it. You cried out gyrating against Bruces still patting hand closing your eyes as your body let go falling over the edge of ecstasy. Your mind was blank...Black and there was nothing but the hot wave the full body rush that completely wiped you out leaving you very messy and satisfied.

You laid there panting looking to the ceiling with blurry eyes,you were crying softly and you was sure why. You felt the aftermath your body loose and trembling. You could faintly hear Bruces chuckles in the back ground over your harsh panting. "And that my love is how to cum hard...Shit what even set that one off?" He asked but you just hummed reaching out for him he chuckled and moved closer tugging you down the table, ass just hanging off the edge. You tilted your head up warily eyeing him and sighed flopping back down seeing him loosening his belt with one hand. The next thing you knew he had stepped between your spread thighs smooting his palms over them massaging the still trembling muscles. "Got you good huh babe?" You grunted which resulted in a kiss on your stomach from him. You frowned when he moved closer to line himself up. "Bruce I've got my-" he looked up at you winking and gave a cheeky smile hooking fingers in the side of our gusset. "I know...Wanna fuck with them on for a change...Got a thin for panties at the mineut" you flushed turning your head to the side watching his hands as theymoved to hold you. You were still far to exhausted to move. He just smiled and watched as he hooked the panties to the side. The way they moved made your pussy look plump and fucking perfect! As much as he wanted to feast on the perfectly smooth peach he had other matters to attend.

Bruce grunted letting the crown of his cock brush the wet silken folds, he almost loved this more then fucking you. The intimacy of him just ghosting your body, teasing you with his own cock watching as your tiny body swallowed him. He shuddered and dipped down finding the luxurious slit. Without wasting time he plowed into you. You grunted as he entered you pressing fast and hard you felt as your walls gave way, molding to his girth like always. You'd never get enough! This man was so incredibly intoxicating it was unreal. You moan high as he moved forward putting his weight on his cock he throbbed inside of you, the thick veins almost acting as a pulsing vibrator humming against your still tender nerves ignighting them all over again. He grunted pressing his balls to your pelvis then pulled back only to ram harder. You screeched moving your hands to his wrists as he place his heavy palms on your hips and began tugging you towards him. Soon he found his rhythm a fast unrelenting pace driven by his own impending release. You whined and melwed at ever push and pull his cock was spearin into you, massaging your g spot maing you see stars then finishingneach thrust at your cervix. The almost unbearable mix of pleasure and pain was to much and you screamed throwing your head back and forth spurred on by his growls as his voice got lost. Feral sounds come from him vibrating the air around you as he pounded away determined.

Your body was screaming, it wanted release, it wanted more..And it wanted to rest you trembled knees knocking against his pistoning hips as your insides clutched at him sucking him tighter and tighter then without warning you fell again. This time was much more intense your whole body locked almost cramping and tremblingat thesametime, you couldnt move, or speak you just looked up wide eyed as waves of ecstasy rolled over you. Bruce through his head back with a victorious shout you vaguely felt his balls rise and tighten against you ass then he released inside of you grunting and rutting as he caem drawing it out as mich as he could then finally came to a halt and fell over you.

You panted weeping quietly moving to wipe your face and press our hair back. He arched over you kissing you slow a sensually no tongues nothing lewd just open mouthed kisses pouring his love into you in the best way he knew how. He pulled back looking to you then laughed. "Wow...That was better then I imagined" you nodded agreeing with him and pushed him back. "Babe...My panties are hurting me can you?" He jumped back quickly swiftly removjn him self and tucked himself away whilst pulling your panties back over our center. He patted our mound casually making you jolt and whine. "Bruuuce! No its sensitive!" He smiled eyeing your pussy, even through the wet material he could still tell it was a very happy freshy fucking little pussy! Swollen and pink! Just how he liked it. He moved pulling your trousers to your ankles chuckling. "Two...Three at once!" You frowned for a second then your face dropped...The list. You rolled your eyes and sat up leaning on unsteady arms and watched as he rolled up the trousers pulling then up to your knees. "Okay what were they?" He smiled slyly and hooked an arm around your waist sliding you off the table onto your feet. You staggered in the heels and grabbed his shoulders as he settled your weight onto his chest pulling the trousers up over your ass and zipped them up. "Board room, cum in your panties and fuck you in your fuck me heels! Three down in one hit!" You chuckled up at him as he explained smugly he was definitely proud of this one. You turned faceing the now desecrated table and flinched. Now that was a fucking mess! You turned glaring at him motioning a hand to the puddle. "Bruce -I you? Fuck it you don't care do you?...Nope didn't think so...Fuck my legs are still like jelly!" He grinned and wriggled his eyebrows at you. "Sooo you wont get very far if I said I'm ready for round two?~" you gaped at him instantly looking to his crotch he laughed waving you off. "Not really sweets...Lets go home, we could test out the jets in the bath, its supposed to give you a 'real massage experience'" you frowned at him as he scooped ou up swiping your bag and court settlement the  began leaving the room walking down to the private elevator. "Jets? We had jets in the bath since when?" He flushed as he entered the elevator pressing the garage level. "Since this afternoon...I had a new let spa bath tub fitted in our suite...Damien caught us in the hot tub and yeah-" you blinked not following for a few seconds then clicked.

"HE FUCKING WHAT!? WHEN DID HE-oh my god thats what you were freaked out about!? Oh no oh god he was me-did he see me? Please tell me he didnt?!" Bruce smiled cutely walking out of the elevatore to the car it was the lamboghini again today. "No he didnt see you I covered you but...I figured it wouldnt happen if we had somewhere else with jets so new bath" you sighed nodding as he placed you down by the car then tugged at the folder. "I'm proud of you for this, so very proud you stuck to your guns and you did it alone..You've proved with this that you're not a push over , that your a strong woman .A very very stong independent woman and I am so happy for you, but most of all I'm proud that I get to call you mine!" You smiled cupping his cheek and moved in kissing him softly. "Thank you Bruce, I want to show everyone that...That I may now be considered a kept woman...But I can fight for myself, protect myself when I need to and I'm glad you let me do that you don't know how much it means for you to let me do that" he through his head back laughing loud, you didnt understand you almost felt insulted until he calmed down and cupped your head in both his hands. "I don't let you do anything love! You can do what ever you want...Fucking let you stick up for yourself? Your free to do what ever you want...You want a business? I'll get you a bussines , you want to travel? we will! I'd do anything for you I love you...Outside of the bed you are my fucking queen, but inside the sheet? Your my very own pillow princess-OUCH! FUCK SWEETS?" You swooned he could have asked for anything then and there and youd have said yes...Until the pillow princess  comment. "I'm not a pillow princess! You-just your? UGH! STOP BEING SO FUCKING GOOD AND I'D BE ABLE TO THINK! AND POSSIBLY MOVE!" he laughed ou off opening the passenger side door motioning for you to get in. You rolled your eyes and they say chivalry is dead? Once seated the smiled to yourself. That was probably the most romantic thing he'd said and he had to ruin it with his typiclal bruce smug bull shit...But then again that was your Bruce. He slid into the drivers side.and you leaned over. "Hey babe?" He glanced at you as he turned the ignition reving the car to life.

"Yes my love?"

"You said anything right?" You twiddled your fingers and then move your hand to his thigh as the car began moving.

"Yes sweets anything"

"Teach me to drive-" he squinted nodding agreeing instantly as he pulled out ontothe road. "This thing" he snapped his gaze to you. What? His precious heart,  his beautiful little lover, sweet girlfriend behind the wheel of a seriously powerfull supercar? His heart almost stopped at the idea. "Are-are you sure? Its a powerful car...Don’t you want me to get you something err less-" "No I love this car its the first one you drove me around in...I want to drive it Bruce" he looked to you casually and pulled out tothe main road slowly cursing himself. He was going to refuse on the grounds of your own safty but, one look at your puppydog eyes and that was it you clapped cutely with a small 'yay'... one thing was for sure before you got behinde the wheel there was going to be some serious automatic breaking sensors put on...and a fucking speed limiter....and bullet proof windows and panels....Maybe some traker devices to...Like the one in your bracelet. "Babe I can here you thinking...Its just a car love don't...Don't go 'batting' it out okay?" Bruce didn't look at you as he drove on just a vaguely familiar hmm that meant he was pretending to agree with you...Or not listening one of the two his hmm's are all very similar. 

[karlajoyner]

Crush (Nick x Reader)

A/n: Hey guys so it was brought to my attention and I also kinda noticed that my writing looks clustered as hell on tumblr cause I’m just not used to writing on it. So I’m gonna start typing my stories on Wattpad and transferring them onto tumblr cause it’s just easier for me since I’ve been writing on Wattpad for years. Let me know if it’s easier to read and if you guys would prefer it if I changed the rest of my previous imagines to this layout!

Requested by: Fallonburns (Wattpad)

Warnings: None I think. A kiss? I don’t know if you need to be warned about that. Okay bye!

————

As a member of the school dance committee it was part my job to push ideas and work out any kinks before a dance could happen. That included booking food, decorations, and of course entertainment.

"Come on y/n! Julie and her hologram band could totally blow the roof off this place and you know it" Flynn spoke as I walked down the hall towards my locker.

"Of course I know it Flynn and I know Julie would kill it but it's not my decision. Plus the dance is tomorrow. Who knows if Dinas gonna wanna add another entertainer for the night besides you?" I spoke to one of my longest friends.

"Well will you at least put in a good word?"

"I'll see what I can do" I said putting in my locker combination.

"Yes! Thank you"

Seconds later I groaned feeling my body particularly my head collide with the small metal door in a split second.

"Y/n!" I heard Flynn shout helping me regain my balance.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry" I heard a familiar voice making my heart rate pick up.

"Nick" I panted attempting to recover the air that was just knocked out of me.

"Y/n I didn't mean to really. Ethan threw the ball and I tried to catch it I-I'm sorry"

"It's cool. I'm totally fine" I attempted to play it off as I grabbed my binder from my locker.

"If totally fine means you've got a concussion then yeah you seem great" Flynn said making me scowl at her.

"Do you need to go to the nurse? I can walk you if you want" He said putting a hand on my head exactly where it had made contact with my locker door.

"Nick I'm fine really" I smiled removing his hand. I finally made eye contact with the boy who stood there smiling back at me. His beautiful blue eyes taking my breath away once more. Knocking out of the trance I glanced back at Flynn to see her eyeing me suspiciously.

“Are you sure?”

"Positive. I've gotta get to class. I'll see you later" I said pulling Flynn away from the scene in a hurry.

"Yeah, later" Nick called out to us as we continued down the hall.

"Seriously? Nick? What is it with that boy? I mean first Julie now you"

"Now me what? I don't like Nick. Julie likes Nick"

"Yeah if Nicks name started with L and rhymed with Duke" I looked at the girl in confusion.

"What?"

"Nothing. Julie doesn't like Nick anymore but it seems you do and as one of your oldest friends I think it's my job to tell you to go for it"

"Last time you told me to go for something I ended up on the school dance committee. I have 500 balloons to blow up by tomorrow" I said walking towards Carrie and Kayla. Kayla sent me a smile earning a pointed look from Carrie.

"Kayla. Carrie. I hope to see you guys at the dance this Thursday" I spoke smiling at the two girls.

"Sounds interesting. But I'm busy with Nick. You know MY boyfriend" She said putting emphasis on the word my.

"Plus if Flynn's gonna DJ I just don't know if I'd make it through the night"

I put an arm in front of Flynn to hold her back before turning back to the two girls.

"Well take a flyer anyways just in case" I grinned taking one from the stack in my binder.

"Thanks" Kayla said taking the flyer out of my hands.

"I hope to see you there" I sent the two another fake smile before walking away with Flynn to our next class.

"How do you talk to her without going off on her?"

"Well for starters it takes a lot of patience. They don't say fake it til you make it for nothing" I giggled along with Flynn as she looped her arm around my own.

I strutted down the hall walking towards music room where I knew Flynn and Julie would be at this time excited to give them the news.

Suddenly I felt someone grab my arm and spin me around to face them.

“Oh Nick" I said looking up at the boy in front of me. A blush creeping onto my face as I noticed the intense look he was sending me.

"What's up?" I questioned cautiously.

"We're friends right?"

"Yeah of course why?"

"I need a favor"

"A favor? A favor like what?" I asked watching his gaze flicker to our right. I turned to see Carrie and the rest of dirty candy walking towards us.

Before I could process what came next my body collided with the cold metal lockers behind me as Nick pushed his lips onto mine.

I slowly melted into the kiss wrapping my arms around his neck pulling him closer. But he didn't seem to mind.

"Nick" Carries voice interrupted what had soon become a make out session. The boy in front of me pulled away first keeping his hands firmly on my waist.

"Oh Carrie. What do you want?"

"We need to talk"

"I'm a little busy here" He said tilting his head towards me.

"Well become unbusy"

"I would but we have nothing to talk about. I told you yesterday we're over and that's it"

"We're not over until I say we're over"

"I'd say your pretty over"

"Oh shut it y/n. I know this is fake because Nick would never like a girl like you. I mean look at yourself. Pathetic" She talked with anger evident in her voice.

"Don't talk to her like that" Nick spoke turning to stand in front of me.

“Nick it's fine. She's right"

"No she's not. I'd rather be with someone who's kind, gentle, and doesn't have the personality of a mountain lion" Nick said glaring at Carrie who stood there with a smirk.

"You'll be back Nicky. See you Friday at the dance" She said walking away her posse hot on her tail.

"Thanks for sticking up for me Nick. You didn't have to. And sorry if I wasn't believable enough"

"You were great. Amazing! And I'll always stick up for you. You know that" He said smiling down at me.

"I know. I'd just prefer it if every time we met you didn't push me against the lockers. They’re cold and made out of metal you know?" I joked making him chuckle.

"Yeah sorry about that. And I'm sorry for dragging you into this. It's just Carrie won't leave me alone"

"I kinda figured when you shoved your tongue down my throat" I giggled watching a cute grin form on his face.

"Yeah yeah. I didn't hear you complaining"

"Well I mean you're not the worst kisser" I said biting my lip watching him get flustered.

"I can do better than that. I was just under pressure"

"Then I guess you'll have to prove it to me later" I spoke confidently before turning around walking in the direction I was heading.

"Hey! Wait!" He called out after me. "Yeah?" I questioned turning around.

"Are you going to the dance?" He asked shoving his hands in his pocket

"Yeah I have to. I kinda helped planned it" I called back smiling at him.

"So I'll see you there"

"See you there" I spoke turning back around reaching the end of the hall.

I pushed open the doors to the band room open only to hear a loud thud.

"Flynn?" I questioned seeing the girl on the ground.

"Are you okay?" I asked helping her up

"She's fine" Someone else in the room spoke.

"Oh hey Julie" I grinned at the girl who sat at the piano.

"Hey y/n"

"So are you gonna explain to me why you were on the floor?"

"Sure just as soon as you explain to me why Nick had you pushed up against the lockers" My face fell in embarrassment as I looked at Julie in panic.

"Julie it's not-"

"It's okay y/n. I'm over him. I kinda moved onto someone else"

"Really?"

"Really. You have my blessing" She confirmed with a grin.

"Thanks. Now that that's over. You were spying on me weren't you?" I questioned turning to Flynn.

"Whaaat no. I would never"

"She was spying" Julie confirmed for me once more.

"Thought so. I'll explain everything later I came to find you guys cause I have great news" I grinned pulling out a flyer from my backpack.

"Performing at Thursday nights dance is Julie and her hologram band" I smiled showing Flynn the paper.

"Wait what?" Julie asked with a surprised look on her face.

"I haven't told her"

"You haven't told her?" I asked with an exasperated look knowing this was gonna be a long evening.

It was Thursday night and I was running around making sure everything was going according to plan.

“Hey how’s she doing?” I asked Flynn nervously biting my lip.

“Not good. Her band she can’t get a hold of them......literally” Flynn explained making me nod my head.

“It’s just it’s 11:20 already”

“I know but this means a lot to her”

“I understand. Just keep stalling with your amazing dj skills” I smiled giving the girl a thumbs up.

“Thanks y/n. You’ve been running around all night why don’t you take a break?”

“I can’t even if I wanted to”

“Come on! Look Nicks been staring at you all night. If you pull him on the dance floor I’ll play something smooth. Something slow” She smirked at me bumping my shoulder.

“No you will not” I warned the girl. Looking over to the blonde boy who was evidently looking our way. Looking at me. He sent me a smile to which I smiled back at.

“Try me” She said making me playfully roll my eyes.

“I’ve gotta go” I spoke watching Daisy at the punch table wave me over.

“Duty calls” Flynn said before I walked away.

“What’s wrong?” I asked the brunette reaching the table on the far end of the gym.

“I’ve gotta go to the bathroom can you serve punch for like 5 minutes”

“Sure” I smiled moving behind the table taking the apron out of her hands. I threw it over my neck attempting to tie it from the back.

“I’ve got it” Someone spoke from behind me taking the strings away and tying them in a perfect knot.

“Nick. Thank you” I simpered at the boy who moved around the table to stand in front of me.

“No problem. I’m glad I finally got you alone. You look great by the way”

“I know this apron is pretty great huh?” I toyed with the boy.

“You can make anything look good”

“I try. Punch?” I asked holding up a plastic cup.

“Please” I quickly served him a cup handing it over to him.

“Thanks. You did amazing with this whole dance”

“Yeah well Dina wanted it to be perfect since it’s our first dance of the year”

“Dina did not disappoint. Neither did you of course. Promise you’ll save me a dance” He asked my cheeks heating up.

Abruptly I felt a tap on my shoulder to see Daisy was back. I handed her back the apron before moving around the table where Nick was.

“Or we could dance now?” I suggested watching him put his cup down.

“Sounds good m’lady” He spoke sticking his hand out for me. I giggled taking it and letting him sweep me towards the dance floor.

I laughed along with him as he began to dance goofily to the music purposely.

“You have an amazing laugh”

“Nick if you don’t stop complimenting me it’s gonna look like I put on 10 pounds of blush by the end of the night”

“Well you don’t need makeup you know”

“That’s what all guys say until they see what you really look like”

“Well you’ve always been naturally beautiful. Even in 8th grade when you wore no makeup at all”

“Don’t remind me I looked terrible”

“Not to me you didn’t” He said looking into my eyes. For a split moment the world around us stopped moving and it felt like we were the only ones in the room.

At least until I felt someone bump into me pushing me forward into the boy.

“I’m so sorry” I said realizing his hands had caught my body.

“It’s cool are you okay?” He asked.

“Yeah y/n are you okay?” A familiar voice asked from behind me.

I turned around to come face to face with Carrie who stood there with a devilish look in her eye.

“I’m fine”

“Oh how unfortunate. You know I didn’t see you as the dancing type. You’ve always had two left feet”

“Leave her alone Carrie” Nick spoke attempting to move forward. I put my arm up to hold him back.

“No Nick it’s ok she’s not worth my time or yours”

“Whatever. This dance is lame anyways”

“Then maybe go home”

“I will. Nick care to join me?” She smirked dangling her plastic cup in her hands.

“No I’m having a good time here” Nick spoke intertwining his hand with mine. I looked down slightly smiling at the gesture.

“Wow. Fine have fun.......with her” Carrie said moving to pass by me.

I suddenly gasped feeling a cold sensation hit my body.

“Oops sorry” The witch spoke before walking away.

“What’s her problem?” I asked ready to go after her only to be held back.

“Hey, you said it yourself. She’s not worth our time” Nick whispered holding me by my shoulders.

“Your right. I don’t even think it’s worth trying to clean this up” I said pointing out the red stain on the side of my dress.

“Here. It isn’t exactly cute but it’ll help cover up the stain” He said putting his jean jacket over my shoulders.

“It’s perfect. Thanks Nick. For everything”

“This is one of the last few songs of the night. Dedicated to a very special friend of mine so grab your partners close and tell HIM or her how you feel” Flynn’s voice rang through the gym speakers.

A slow song beginning to play throughout the gym. Couples beginning to form on the dance floor.

I looked up at the girl on the stage to see her send me a quick wink. Playfully rolling my eyes I looked back at the boy in front of me, his hand lingering in the air.

“Can I have this dance?”

“Of course” I grinned taking it. Allowing him to pull me close.

We swayed side to side along to music with smiles plastered on our faces.

“You know I never thought I’d finally get here”

“Finally?” I asked pulling away looking up at him.

“Guess it’s now or never huh? Okay. Y/n I’ve had a crush on you for the longest time. So long Carrie started to notice. After she found out I rammed you into the lockers the other day she went crazy”

“Really? She was that jealous”

“Insanely. But after I talked to you that day I realized this crush wasn’t going anywhere”

“You know I’m really glad to hear you say that Nick cause I feel the same way”

“That’s good. Because I can finally prove you so wrong” He smirked leaning down and pulling me into a passionate kiss. The first (technically second) one of the many that were yet to come.

————

Up next: Jeremy Shada x Reader

Charlie Gillespie x Reader (Smut)

Owen Patrick Joyner x Reader

[devinescribe]

Games

Chapter 7 to '100 Promises'

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Warnings: Swearing, violence, bullying, blood, I think that's it, but as always feel free to tell me if I missed any.

"I finally got contact lenses. I think they'll be better than my glasses. I mean, yeah, I'll probably still use them, but it's... nevermind, what do you think?" He rambled, a dorky smile on his face. "If it'll make you happy, then you look great," you said, smiling, honestly meaning your words. "I'm asking for your opinion woman, stop giving me the 'if it makes you happy' bullshit. Give me your opinion," he stated, shaking your shoulders."It looks good! I'm not used to seeing you without your glasses, but you look good!" You laughed, your words coming out in a vibrato of sorts from him shaking you. "I'm glad you think so."

"Dear gods my hair is getting long..." he muttered, running his hands through his hair, staring at himself in the bathroom mirror. "I think it looks good," you commented, passing by the bathroom with a laundry basket. "Really? I think I kind of like it too..."

"And how much does it hurt?" He questioned. "Not that much, or so I've heard. Plus, we're getting it at the same time, so... no backing out, or I'll cut your hair," you threatened, your hold on his hand tightening a bit. "No, don't you dare. And I won't back out," he said as you dragged him into the shop. (The fact I've been threatened with that-)

"I somehow can't believe we looked like that!" You laughed, pointing at the photo on your phone. It was from high school, and you were both laughing at how dorky you both looked. "Oh gods... actually, I was kind of hot," you said, giggling a bit. "Have we really changed that much?" Niragi questioned. "Well, let's see," you said, opening the camera and telling Niragi to get into frame. He did so, and you both stuck out your tongues, the matching piercings glinting in the light. You snapped the photo, and put it side by side the one from high school. "Wow... that's a big difference, holy shit," he laughed. You snickered, and posted side by side comparison of the the photos. "Yeah. Huge difference."

"Hatter would like to see you... Alone."

You looked back at Ann, and nodded, getting up. "If she's going, I'm going with," Niragi said, getting up himself. "He said he wants to speak to (Y/N) alone. Respect to rules for once please," Ann chided, as you walked to her side. Niragi laughed, finishing with a smirk, "And since when do I listen to the rules?"

You looked back at him with a proud, yet embarrassed face. Definitely not the same Niragi from back in the real world. He was more confident than you last remembered, that was for sure. "Dude, I'll be totally fine. The least they could do is kill me," you said, a bit to nonchalantly for his tastes. "That seems like a worse case scenario, but ok." he responded, "I'm still going with you." "No, you're not. Look, I'll be fine ok? Just wait outside the door," you suggested. He scoffed, but nodded nontheless. Ann stayed quiet, watching this exchange. 'So... is that all it takes to convince him? Really? All we needed was this girl?' Were her thoughts.

"Oh good, you're here!" Hatter exclaimed as soon as you walked in. Ann stayed outside, and shut the doors behind you. You nodded. Was he happy or just extremely charismatic? You didn't know, but whatever it was, it was nice. It made you feel like you were talking to someone you knew. Like the pleasant ladies from your apartment complex. "Well, what do you want to talk about?"

"Where are we?" You asked as you got off the train. "I don't know. Just took a random train. You said you wanted another adventure," he replied. You gasped. "Niragi Suguru, you did not," you said, grabbing onto his hand to make sure you didn't lose him in the large crowd. "I did. And what of it?" He asked, dragging you out. "Oh my gods... Excuse me, sorry to bother you, but which city are we in?" You asked one of the people who worked there. They smiled and answered with, "Shinjuku. Are you lost?"  You shook your head. "No, we'll be fine. Thank you very much!" You said. Niragi dragged you to the exit. "I don't look presentable to be in Shinjuku right now, Niragi," you said, hiding your face. "You always look nice though. And it's called opportunity. I took it, and now we're here. So, let's take advantage of this, yeah?"

Hatter sat you down. "From what Ann and Aguni reported back to me, you're a quick thinker. Great shot apparently. They were both very impressed," he started. You smiled. "I'm honored they felt that way," you said. Hatter chuckled. "Well, Ann said you'd do well in either position of a militant or an executive. And it's just your luck the precious person who held number 7 recently... died. The games, obviously. Before you came here, actually. Maybe it was a sign it was meant to be yours. And, since you've proven yourself useful, I think it's a good idea," Hatter said, rambling a bit. "That's a bit too high for me, isn't it?" You questioned. You had just gotten here, you couldn't possibly be up that high already. "Uh... no. It's not. So, as of today, you shall be a militant," he said dramatically. You laughed, thanking him as he gave you a wristband with the number seven written on the blue tag. You slipped it on your wrist. "Oh, and just so you know, Aguni will most likely take you under his wing. The militants are mostly guys, so be careful. And... uh... your friend can help you find everything. He'll also show you to your new room. That is all. Goodbye now," he said cheerfully. You smiled brightly, thanking him.

You opened the door to leave, seeing Niragi leaning on the wall across the door. You smiled, closing the door softly behind you. "I'm back," you said. He nodded, "I can see that." "Can you really? You have your contact lenses?" You asked, skeptical. He nodded his head. "Surprisingly," he added. "Hmm... and for how many more days do you have them?" You questioned as he led you through the hotel. "Well, I've been in the borderland about 2 and a half weeks-"

"Woah, hold up... you'd been gone for six months up in the real world-"

"Well, I'm starting to think time runs differently in both places. Because no way in hell have I been here 6 months."

"Ok... continue on."

You two talked about whatever came to mind just like you used to. It was like you never skipped a beat. He lead you down into where they kept the weapons. "Only milatants and Hatter are allowed down here. This is the basement, and also where we keep the weapons. So, take your pick," he said, a smirk on his face. "You're a bit to proud of this aren't you?" You asked, looking over the different weapons. "Maybe," he responded. You didn't have to look at him to know he was smirking, you could just hear it in his voice. You picked out a knife that had a strap around. You also picked up a riffle similar to Niragi's, and turned to face him. "Ok, I'm good," you said. "Tomorrow, the militants are heading out on a supply run. Which means you now too. You can wear actual clothes now, isn't that fun?" He joked. You rolled your eyes shoving him playfully. He ran his tongue over his teeth. "That's really how you want to play, huh (L/N)?" He asked. You could hear the tone behind his words. The tone that meant run or your fucked, because whatever game he's scheming will end with you caught. It was quite normal for you two. Playing games with each other was a hobby back in the real world. Didn't matter how childish or immature they were. "Ouch, my last name? That hurts... Suguru." (Is that his last name or his first name? I don't know, I've been treating it as his last name, but I'm probably wrong) You giggled, running off. There was probably tons of places to hide inside the basement, and probably even more places throughout the beach.

"How was last night? Did you have fun?" He teased as soon as you woke up. You rolled your eyes. "Don't even talk to me about last night. Another disappointment," you groaned, rubbing your eyes. "Damn. That bad, huh?" He said, handing you a mug with coffee in it. You took a sip, and smiled. Perfect... He always made really good coffee, and it impressed you. "Yeah... definitely that bad. I heard him leave this morning, let's hope he never comes back," you said. Niragi laughed, taking a sip of his own coffee. The sunlight came in through the sliding glass door of your apartment.  The sky was painted with pinks and purples. Gold dusted the clouds as the sun touched them. It was perfectly picturesque. "One day, we won't have to live in a sucky apartment building, you know? I promise you that one day we'll have... I don't know where do you want to live?" He asked you. You both walked over to the couch, sitting next to eachother. "I don't know... I'd go anywhere as long as I can still have my best friend with me.''

"Come on out, (Y/N). I'll find you sooner or later. We need sleep," he shouted. You stifled a laugh, and crouched down, sneaking around. You could see him looking around for you. You moved backwards, bumping into someone. You slowly turned around. It was the guys Niragi had introduced as 'Last Boss'.

Throughout the day, you had actually had the opportunity to talk to him a bit. More like you talked, while he observed you, occasionally making a sound of sorts to show you he was listening. He'd also answered your questions, so you thought he wouldnt be that bad. You made the quiet signal, putting a finger to your lips. He looked down quizzically. "Playing a game. Can't let him find me. Wanna join?" You whispered to the mysterious man. He nodded slightly, still a bit confused. "Ok, the objective is to not get caught by Niragi. He doesn't know you're playing yet, so I'll figure something out... oh, I got it! You go hide," you whisper shouted, shooing him off. He went to go hide, and you climbed to the top of one of the darker places. "A new player has joined in. One seeker, two hiders!" You shouted. You heard Niragi laugh. "Dumbass! You're letting me know where you are!"  You smirked. That's what you wanted him to think.

"Oh nice! You got his glasses that's 20 points!" The boys shouted. You struggled to get out of the ropes tied your hands together. You heard Niragi groan, and looked up, seeing him on the floor, blood dripping from his nose. "Niragi!" You shouted in worry. He looked over at you, before one of the guys kicked his face into the ground. You struggled against the ropes the boys had tied around your wrist. It dug into your skin, you could feel the skin being rubbed raw from how much you had struggled against them ."So useless without eachother, huh?" One of them taunted. "Stop hurting him!" You yelled, squirming. "Oh? Would you rather we harm you then? You were always such a pretty girl... to bad you decided to defend him," the leader of their little group said, kneeling in front of you. "I don't give a damn if you hurt me. Stop hurting him!' You shouted. "(Y-y/N), don't," Niragi said, before one of the bullies kicked him in the stomach. He winced in pain, screwing his eyes shut. "Stop it! He didn't do anything to you!" You screamed, struggling even more, the ropes creating rope burn on your skin. "It's not a vengeance thing. It's fun," the leader said, grabbing your chin, making you look up at him. You glared at him in disgust, wanting so badly to just hit him, or spit on him in the moment. But you didn't. You didn't because you knew if you did either you or Niragi would get hurt. More likely Niragi, since they knew he was your weakness. "Just like it's fun making girls like you submit," he added with a smirk. "Don't you dare hurt her! Hurt me all you want, but don't touch her!" Niragi yelled. There was confidence in his words, but you also knew how scared he was. You could see it on his face. "That sounds boring though. What if we just make both of you our little puppets for the night, have you both put on a show?'' One of the guys snickered. This was followed by a chorus of 'not a bad idea' and 'sounds interesting.' You looked at Niragi, fear written all over your face.

You ran quietly, and quickly, knowing he could catch up to you. You looked around the dimly lit basement, and saw the exist to go up. Your eyes caught a flash of movement, and someone grabbed you, putting a hand over your mouth. You were shocked at first, going to scream bloody murder, before seeing it was Last Boss. He let you go, and you took a breath. "Oh my gods... dude that was scary," you whispered. He shrugged. "I have a place we can hide. I don't think he's smart enough to find it," He suggested, nodding his head over to Niragi. You stifled a laugh, and nodded, letting him lead you.

"(Y/N)! (Y/N), are you alright?" He worriedly asked, checked on you. You hissed in pain when his hands went over the bruises. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault, if I hadn't-" he started, blaming himself. You grabbed shoulders, and shook your head. "It's not your fault... it's ok," you said, sitting up. The gravel under you poked at the skin exposed from your school skirt. "I-its not ok!" He shouted. "It's... it's not ok. You shouldn't have- I could've-" he started, pulling at his hair. "Niragi. It's not your fault. You didn't... you didn't hurt me," you said, your voice calming. You grabbed his hands, pulling them towards you. You were just kids. Fucking 16 years old(not exactly a kid, but whatever), you shouldn't have to go through this stuff. No kid should. "I should be comforting you, yet here you are, making me feel better. Stop it, you're the one who-"

"Niragi, it happened to both of us. Stop acting like you're ok too."

"But- I'm supposed to... I-"

"Shut up, and come here."

He sighed, sitting besides you. You pulled his head into your lap, and he sighed. "Stop taking care of me. Stop hanging out with me, because you're the one who ends up getting hurt because of me. Please," he pleaded as you ran your fingers through his hair. "No," you responded. "(Y/N), stop being so stubborn! Please, just... just listen to me!" He shouted. You flinched at the sudden loudness. "I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you," he apologized, noticing when you flinched. You sighed, leaning back on the concrete wall. You muttered back something along the lines of him not having to apologize. You heard thunder, and saw a flash of lightning. "It's going to rain, we should go home," Niragi said. "Don't wanna... let's stay here?" You muttered, watching the sun get covered by the clouds. You were under a bridge, so you at least had coverage. He looked up at you, and nodded. "Ok. We can," he whispered. The raindrops began to splatter on the ground outside the coverage of the bridge, and you sighed in happiness. Niragi sat up, bringing you close to him. The smell of rain filled your senses, and you couldn't help but enjoy the moment, even if you had been in emotional and physical pain before. Being there helped numb it for a while. Being with him helped numb the feeling.

"Alright... if I were (Y/N)... where would I go?" Niragi muttered to himself, walking around. It was too quiet. You weren't a quiet person unless need be, and if he remembers correctly, which he does, you had a losing streak in hide and seek since high school. You were too giggly to hide in silence, or maybe you got scared by being alone in the dark to long. Whatever it had been, you had a losing streak for almost 8 years. That was not about to change, not if he had a say in it. A part of him said he was not acting like himself, and that playing this with you was childish. Especially in the borderlands. He knew he would have to find you either way, so he stopped caring. He remembered what she had said. A new player has joined in. One seeker, two hiders! 'Ok, process of elimination....'

"So, given the fact Chishiya isn't allowed down here, I think I know who she's with, and where she is. Let's see if I'm right.''

This was more memories than actual current events... oh well- hope you enjoyed, have a wonderful day/night, baii!! Oh yeah, just because this is the only place people have a problem with me posting Niragi stuff, if you don't like it, the block button is right there, don't send me death threats or tell me to go kms. Thank you

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 1/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Welp! I started this back in March. It was supposed to be a oneshot and then I realised it was 200 odd pages. Whoops! Another songfic based on music by Joji. This one is Gimme Love, which some of you would probably know, it was circling TikTok for a while. Anyway, more song fics to come!! I hope y'all enjoy! Stay safe in these crazy times!

TW: Mental health, panic attacks

1993

"OK, so you got your apple juice, your finger sandwiches, and grapes. And most importantly, you got your best outfit on. Ready?"

No. I wasn't ready. They were going to eat me up. I knew just by how the 3 bitches off to the side stared and laughed. One of them was swinging from the bus stop pole. It sounded evil, but I hoped she would have fallen over.

"No." I clung to my Mother.

"Brianna." She uttered. She was tired, already having dealt with this before leaving the house. And it didn't help that Grandpa only laughed instead of helping out.

"No!" I said louder, squeezing my tiny fists into her shoulders.

"Look. Everything will be fine. The day will fly in, trust me. And I'll be right here when you get off the bus later." Mom continued.

She gave me a kiss on the forehead and shook me off.

As she smoothed her skirt down, I stamped my foot in a huff. For me, this was the second most ultimate betrayal that had ever happened to me. My Mom was making me go to school. How dare she.

"I love you, girl. Be good and have a great day." Mom said before walking away. My gaze followed, feeling the faucet in my eyes turn on. I was prone to cry baby behaviour around this age.

Now that my Mom was gone, it was all game for the bitches.

"Awww, the little baby needs her Mommy." One of them cooed in her fake voice. "Didn't you know the pre-school bus picks up two hours later?"

"Yeah!" Another decided to join in, "And I bet that's not even your real Mommy."

"She is too!" I clenched my tiny fists at my side. This was half true. I was an adopted child, but to me, Roberta was the best Mother I could have ever asked for. And no one had the right to question that.

"No, she's not! Your real Mommy didn't want you 'cause you're ugly!"

"Yeah, look at your hair. It looks like a fur ball."

"And your clothes are obviously hand me downs."

I stamped my feet again. "That's it! I'm giving you the finger!" I flipped them off. I picked it up from Mom, from the many time's drivers pissed her off. When she'd warn me never to do that, I knew it had some sort of power to it.

But it did nothing. The girls just laughed even more. I had no defences; therefore, I was left helpless.

The bus pulled up, and I was last to get in. The girls warned almost everybody to watch out for the "girl with the weird hair".

I moved down the middle of the bus, my head moving from side to side, hoping to find a seat.

Everybody with a free seat either put their bags on the chairs or put their feet up. I wanted to snap, demanding that they let me sit. But the fear inside rendered me silent.

I was nearing the back, where the 3 girls sat. They smirked upon seeing my face, relishing in the fact I was on the verge of tears. All I wanted was to turn back, get off the bus and lock myself in my house.

But as if someone above heard my innermost thoughts, that's when I heard it.

"Do you need a seat?"

I looked towards the voice. And I froze. There she was, an absolute angel. She looked like a Disney Princess with her bright blonde hair and blue eyes.

I hesitated for a moment. But the bus began to move. So I sat down next to her.

"Hi," I said.

"Hey." Her eyes were observing me, looking me up and down. And I felt even more stunned. "You have funny hair."

"My Mommy says I have lovely hair," I replied in defence.

"I didn't mean it in a bad way. I just never seen hair like that." The girl replied.

My hair wasn't even bad. I just had a massive head of untamed brown curls. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Then again, I had never seen anyone with hair like hers. She looked like she had gone to a salon beforehand. "Your hair looks golden."

"Thank you." She smiled. "I'm Blair. My favourite colour is yellow, and I wanna be a singer when I grow up. How about you?"

"I'm Brianna. My favourite colour is pink. And...I wanna be a politician someday."

"What's a pola...polatichon?" Blair asked.

"A politician." I corrected her. "I don't know what they do. They just shout a lot. And that's what I want to do."

Blair had no idea what I was talking about, but she laughed anyway. And that made my heart skip a beat.

I felt something pelt the back of my head. I grabbed it, looking at the small rolled up bit of my paper in my hand. It was wet. I had just been spitballed for the first time.

Blair looked over her shoulder, and I did the same. It was the three bitches from the bus stop. They weren't even hiding their giggles.

"Not nice." Blair stuck her tongue out at them. Then, turning back around in her seat, she put her hand on mine. "Don't worry about them. I'm your friend, Brianna."

"Really?" My eyes brightened.

"Of course!"

As much as that statement had made my heart soar, how it made me feel like there was nothing to be afraid of…

It was the biggest lie I heard that day.

As soon as I got off the bus at the end of the day, I waved to Blair, unaware that she would be sitting with the 3 bitches the next day.

And then it went on for years, being that ugly girl with weird hair. And it didn't help that I needed glasses later in life.

But I wasn't completely alone. So let me tell you about Jujubee.

2020

"Hey, asshole! I'm pulling in there!"

Jujubee was hanging out the driver side window, flicking the indicator aggressively.

"Juju, can you just...not do that?" I asked, my eyes glued to my phone as I checked how many people had seen my Instagram story. It was a picture of the two of us, showing off our outfits that had been gifted from Alexander McQueen.

"And let that asshole steal my spot? Absolutely not." Jujubee protested. She flipped the guy off, only to receive the same gesture back at her. She wasn't prone to behaving like this. I usually found it absolutely hilarious how loud she could be.

Now, you're probably wondering - two well-dressed ladies in their Alexander McQueen outfits should be seated in the back of a limo, sipping champagne.

I wasn't a fan of limos. They only drew attention.

And with Jujubee hurling dog abuse at the other drivers, I was sure the attention would be on us.

But we made it to the event without any trouble.

Jujubee was hilarious, intentionally and unintentionally. I learned that all the way back on my second day of school. When it was clear to me that I wouldn't be friends with anyone else, I ventured off on my own, exploring the playground and looking for bugs. But, instead, I found her sitting alone in the sandbox.

"Leave me alone. I'm trying to dig to the centre of the Earth." She had said, blowing her shiny black hair out of her face.

I knew she would only reach the bottom of the pit, so I laughed, and I helped her dig. We had been inseparable since.

We grew up together, all the way through elementary, high school and college. And through those years, we had one thing in common - we were the weird ones. The kids who everyone bullied.

Ugh, I hated that word; bullied. It made me feel pathetic and helpless. Jujubee and I, however? We were far from pathetic and helpless. After all, how would we even be where we were if that was the case?

OK, maybe I was pathetic and helpless growing up. No, I was. I had just accepted all the name-calling, the shoving, the damage. Jujubee, on the other hand, would fight against it all.

But back to the current situation. We were now sitting at a table with the other project workers. Everyone was having a great time, and the event hadn't even really begun yet. They passed jokes around, talked about trials and tribulations, and I laughed along.

But I may as well have been alone as I was stuck in my own thoughts. How it was even possible, we were all gathered here for this moment.

I looked at Jujubee, sitting next to me, and felt an overwhelming need to hug the shit out of her. If it weren't for her being so encouraging, then maybe this wouldn't have happened.

"What's up?" She caught me staring.

I lowered my head for a moment, breathing a laugh out through my nostrils. I didn't want to get sappy with her, even though she deserved my gratitude. My best friend, my ride-or-die bitch. Lifting my head again, I smirked. "Nothing. I'm just glad you're on this team." I raised my glass to her before sipping the bubbling champagne.

"Proud of you bitch." Jujubee reaching over and squeezed my free hand.

I was proud of me too. Because, despite all of the shit I dealt with in school, here I was, the manager and director of this whole operation.

All of the hard work paid off - years of trials and tribulations, so many arguments and disagreements. We finally did it. We found a gateway to another world, a parallel universe, a portal in the middle of the space just waiting to be explored.

Of course, people doubted me. They said things like, "Well, it is a dream, all right." How could anyone blame them?

But here we were.

The speaker, Michelle, called me up onto the stage to receive a certificate, all encased in a glass frame. I exchanged air kisses with her and graciously took the award. Jujubee cheered me on as I stood up there, letting people take pictures.

And then came the obligatory speech.

I couldn't lie; I hated public speaking. It was always something I struggled with. But, I never backed down from one. I just liked to keep them short and sweet.

"Long story short, I had dreams, and I worked towards them. So, here I am, an example of the walking embodiment of success. And I thank each and every one of you, ladies and gentlemen. Have a great night."

Short and sweet. The crowd applauded.

Yes, I was told in the past that I'm arrogant, but I disagreed. I'd say confident. And there was nothing wrong with confidence. After all, there has been a stigma around that word. Doesn't it come from a sense of insecurity, the need to tear successful people down because you're afraid to strive towards your goals?

I deserved to feel this successful, for all those times I was laughed at and ridiculed. I look down on all those assholes and let them know that I made it.

I posed for pictures as I held my award, knowing they would be everywhere the next day; in the papers, magazines, the Internet.

This wasn't the first award I had received. I had a shelf full back home, along with all of my past badges. They reminded me that, once upon a time, I was just any other office worker with her yellow badge. And now here I was, the director of the project with my black badge working closely with the government.

I got off the stage and moved back to my chair. Jujubee rolled her eyes, but her smile remained.

"Where's the after-party?" I asked as the audience shifted their attention from me.

Sometimes I never understood how she put up with me. "Don't worry. I got us covered."

She wasn't lying. A few hours later, we were in the apartment of some other rich somebody. Music was bouncing off the walls, the speakers apparently on full blast.

The main lights were out, replaced with multicoloured LEDs dancing around the place. It was as if we were in our own private club.

Jujubee and I were in the crowd dancing, but because I was absolutely wasted, I lost her many times.

No need to panic, however. Jujubee wasn't a drinker. So she'd find me. She always did.

I really did feel sorry that she had to deal with all of my shenanigans.

"Juju, where the fuck are you??" I roared, not that it would do much. Midsummer Madness by 88RISING was blaring now. Starting to stress out now.

I grabbed a champagne flute as a waiter walked by.

"Brianna, I love the dress." A woman leaned over and shouted in my ear. I had met her before at another event, a fashion reporter if I remembered correctly.

"Thanks. It's Versaci."

As I said earlier, it was fucking Alexander McQueen. I was faded.

Somehow I ended up in the bathroom, throwing up all the alcohol I had consumed into the toilet. After I finished, I washed my mouth out, looked at my reflection and said, "Baby, you're a star."

And somehow, I made it back downstairs. I was searching for Jujubee but found someone else instead. And it was fucking Ed Sheeran.

"I love your new song." I lied.

"Which one?"

"The new one." I smiled. "Hey, Ed. You wanna be the first person to go through the portal?" I wrapped an arm around him.

He looked absolutely taken aback. "Of fucking course. My manager will be in touch."

I really hoped he was joking. Why the fuck had I even suggested it?

I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was Jujubee. My nerves settled, and I leaned closer to her. "Let's go outside."

I had no recollection of making it out to the balcony. The only thing I remembered happening before then was rambling to many strangers about how much I adored Jujubee.

A few other party attendees were outside too. I wanted to tell them how I didn't deserve Jujubee and that she was an angel. But she quickly steered me away.

I looked out over the city, a happy smile on my face.

"Are you having fun, baby girl?" Jujubee asked, using her favourite pet name for me. She sparked up a cigarette. I wanted to ask her for one, having gone from chain smoker to social smoker in recent years. But I was too distracted by the view.

"Yeah. I can feel it, Juju." I replied, looking at my hands. It was almost like I could actually feel it. The euphoric feeling of success running in my veins. "Good things are coming."

"Oh, I feel it too." Jujubee blew out the smoke and followed my gaze. "You know what? Your Grandpa was a great guy. And I know that he's proud of you."

My smile dropped. And I was silent.

I preferred to avoid speaking about things like this. Emotions weren't something I liked to deal with - another difference between Jujubee and me.

Just the year prior, we both went to see Midsommar. During the scene where the main character is having a breakdown on the ground surrounded by the Hargan woman screaming along with her, Jujubee was captivated. She looked almost like she wanted to scream along with them. And as she squeezed my hand and leaned over to me, she said, "I need someone to do that with me." I replied with a quiet, "Can't relate."

I'm not insensitive. I just feared emotions for two reasons.

1. They could be weaponised against me. And as much as I tried not to let the online hate get to me, I knew that if it ever became personal, then it would hit difficult.

2. The most important reason of all; a childhood full of breakdowns and too many emotions.

Jujubee nudged me. "You wanna go?"

I didn't want to. But I said, "Yeah. I'm...so drunk right now," and turned away from the city view.

"Can I be that annoying whore and ask if I can stay at your place?" Jujubee asked, taking my hand.

She didn't even need a reason. "Yes, you can."

We waded our way through the crowd, made for the door and left. And before I knew it, we were back at my place, lying in my bed. I loaned her a t-shirt to sleep in. I wanted to sleep in my Alexander McQueen. But Jujubee wouldn't let me.

We both lay there, facing the ceiling. I could already feel the oncoming suffering. Usually, I loved moments like these, when time became fluid, when I didn't have to worry about how I had even gotten home.

But my head was pounding, and the loud ringing in my ears was the cause. If I was bad now, I'd be dead by morning.

I could feel Jujubee's eyes on me, and I looked back at her. She was smiling, her brown eyes glimmering. "Almost there, girl."

Despite the pain I was in, I smiled back. I knew this whole thing, the thingy, the portal; it wasn't just my dream. It was hers too.

Fuck, I was hammered.

"Almost there," was all I could manage to say.

Jujubee turned on her side and treated me to some cuddly spooning. "OK, go to sleep, loser."

It was straining on my neck, but I kept my head turned, letting my eyes linger for a moment longer. God, I fucking loved that bitch. Nothing was ever going to come between us, and that made me the happiest.

I turned over, my back relaxing against her torso. Then, before giving in to my exhaustion, I checked my phone. The bright light made me squint at first. And the alcohol in my system didn't help matters.

I checked how many people had seen my story now. The number was blurry. So I aimlessly swiped notifications away.

But I stopped at one message in particular.

Blair: Hey Brianna! Long time no speak. I just wanted to say I saw pictures from your thing tonight. Congrats, girl! Look, I know you're probably super busy, but I'd love to have a catch up with you sometime.

"..." My eyes were wide. Now that was a name I hadn't heard in a long time.

1995

"Do you see Cassiopeia yet?" Juju whined.

I was trying my hardest to find it in the telescope. But the stars were all in clutters; there were so many. "No. I think I see the big dipper, though."

"Really? Let me have a turn!" Juju begged.

I pulled away from the telescope, allowing Juju her turn. Usually, I would have refused, only letting her use the scope after finding what I was looking for.

I really hadn't found the big dipper, but Juju bought it. "Wooooow. That's so cool."

"I know, right?" I smirked.

The backdoor opened, and Grandpa came out in his winter jacket, pj's and his signature slippers. "How many have you girls found now?"

He was carrying two mugs of hot chocolate with whipped cream. I cheered excitedly because Grandpa's hot chocolate was the best, and I'd fight anyone who tried to tell me otherwise.

"We found the big dipper. But that's it." Juju replied, sounding very much let down.

"Don't lose hope," Grandpa gave us our hot chocolate, "some are harder to find than others. I bet there are a lot more constellations out there that haven't even been discovered yet."

I sipped the hot drink, and I could feel it already warming me up. I was so tempted to take my gloves off and let the mug warm them up. But we promised my Mom we would stay wrapped up. "Do you think we could discover one?"

Grandpa took a seat on one of the old deck chairs. "Brianna, you can do anything you set your mind to. Anything is possible."

"One day, I wanna get into a rocket ship and fly away," I said, looking up at the night sky, imagining the scene in my head.

"Hey, Mr Caldwell, are there other people like us? Just looking up at the sky?" Juju asked, taking a sip of her hot chocolate.

"That's an interesting question. I'd say yes, what with how nice the sky is tonight," Grandpa let his gaze trail up, the stars reflecting in his eyes, "But did you know, somewhere far, far away, there are two little girls who are exactly like you. They look the same, they talk the same and even have your names. And they are doing exactly what you're doing right now."

My brows knit in confusion, "what do you mean 'far far away?"

Grandpa looked down again, seeing how intrigued Juju and I was. "Let's just call it the other world. It's basically like our world, but...certain things are different. Like," he paused to think, "maybe cats bark and dogs meow. Or, maybe the sky is pink and not blue. Maybe you girls are actually older, and I'm the young one."

"Do horseys fly in the other world?" Juju asked with much optimism.

"Probably. I don't see why not." Grandpa shrugged.

I glanced up at the sky as if I would somehow just see it. Another world where life was somewhat better.

"Would my Mommy and Daddy have given me up in the other world?" I asked quietly.

Grandpa was silent. His lips were pursed, forming a tight line like there were words on the tip of his tongue that he knew he shouldn't say.

Juju hugged me from the side. I wanted to hug her back but didn't want to cry.

Her hold made me feel safe, so I offered her a half-smile.

Since my first day at school, when those cretins had tried to tell me Roberta wasn't my real Mom, it stuck with me. Yeah, I knew deep down those girls didn't know shit, and Roberta was the best Mother in the world, but I was only human.

As much as I loved my Mom, Grandpa and other family members, I just wanted to feel acceptance from my biological parents.

"Brianna, honey, whoever your family is in the other world, I'm sure they love you from the bottom of their hearts. Just like we do." Grandpa said. He extended his arms out, offering me a hug.

I didn't want it. But I knew I needed it.

That night, we didn't find any constellations. Not that it mattered. After my Grandpa went back inside, Juju and I were set on finding the other world instead.

And this interest went on for nearly a whole year.

It sounded dumb, but we would play games where we were our 'other world selves'. Juju lived in a house full of cats, and they were 'cutest cats in the whole country. So cute they won every pageant!'

And I lived in a huge mansion with my Mom, Grandpa, and my biological parents.

We collectively agreed that our other world selves were the prettiest girls in school, and we had tons of friends. We were so cool, we didn't even have to go to school.

Of course, this started a minor argument between us. Juju would always say, "how can we be the prettiest girls at school if we don't have to go to school??"

"Shut up, Juju! Anything is possible in the other world!"

"Yeah, but it doesn't make sense!"

All of it was so ridiculous. But we loved every minute of it.

I'll never forget the time we built a fort in the woods at the back of my house, and Juju stood under the archway and shouted. "I'm the queen of 'Other World'. Beware ye bastards who enter our domain!"

Then she got upset because she said a bad word and thought she had betrayed her parents.

A few minutes later, I fucked up.

"I, Brianna Caldwell, am the Queen of 'Other World'. I sit on this throne along with my best friend, Blair St Clair!"

Juju was even more upset now.

"Why is she your best friend?? I'm your best friend!" She began to cry.

"Jujubee, it's only pretend." I tried to reason with her.

"No, Brie-Brie. You're always talking about Blair! I know you would rather be best friends with her than me!"

"That's not true!"

"It is!" She wept. "She'll never be your friend, Brie-Brie. She doesn't even like you."

"Take that back!"

"No!"

My anger was bubbling beyond the boiling point. So I shoved her over. "Go away. Now!"

Juju ran off crying.

My teeth were grit, my fists clenched. For about 5 minutes, I stormed around the fort, screaming in anger and kicking the ground.

Mom was freaked out. She knew it was me screaming, so she came running. When she found me, she shouted at me for scaring the absolute fuck out of her.

This only pissed me off more. It took her 5 minutes to get me to chill out.

When I finally explained what happened, she told me it was OK and that we'd be friends again the next day.

It didn't help my mood, so she took me to the mall. It was a rare occasion for us to visit the place. We weren't the richest, what with Mom struggling to keep a job. She wasn't a lousy worker; someone else would just come along who was much more experienced. And without another parental figure to help out, it just meant not much money was being brought into the house.

But Mom decided we'd go to the toy store, and I'd find two dolls, one for me and one for Juju. I made sure they looked exactly like us. Well, considering the nice clothes and great hair, they were our other-selves.

And leaving the building, I was perched on Mom's shoulders, eating the biggest ice cream cone I had ever gotten, when I looked over at the jewellery shop. Two women were leaving the store, holding hands. They leaned in close to each other and kissed.

I just...stared as they smiled at each other, mesmerised by the adoration they so clearly shared.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Brianna, baby?"

"Why are those two ladies kissing?"

Mom cast a quick glance to where I was looking. "Oh. OK, first of all, don't stare. It's rude. But yeah, they're just two ladies in love with each other. That's all."

I looked away, just as she told me to do. "They're in love? I thought only boys and girls could be in love."

"I guess they're still telling you that in school, huh?" Mom quipped. "Well, I'll tell you this, but keep it on the down-low 'cause I don't want no parents coming and knocking on my door saying you're putting ideas into their kids' heads." She laughed. "The truth is; boys can fall in love with boys, and girls can fall in love with girls. You fall in love with whoever your heart tells you to, Brianna."

I nodded. "Uh, huh. OK, I understand." But then, it hit me. "Fuck."

"Brianna." Mom warned. She knew I was prone to sometimes spurting a few cuss words. But she only had herself to blame.

"Sorry, Mommy." And as we left the mall, my brain couldn't stop thinking about what had popped into my head.

Maybe, just maybe, I was in love with Blair.

My mind was taking me back to years prior, still in my first year of elementary school. It was coming up to Valentine's Day, and we all had to make a card for someone in the class. Bit of a weird activity for a bunch of kids who were more concerned if they were getting bikes for Christmas or not.

And I slaved over my card, making it yellow instead of the traditional pink colour, and drawing daisies all over it.

The message read, "You really deserve this. You're welcome." I've always been a poetic genius.

And instead of giving it to any of the boys, I insisted it went to Blair.

I had vague memories of that day. I only remembered her confused face as I handed it over.

I never received a card in return.

Of course, the other kids picked on me for it. But Juju had my back.

"You're all just jealous 'cause Brie-Brie's card is unique!" I remember her shouting.

But of course, they weren't jealous. This concept was foreign to them - a girl gifting another girl with a Valentine's Day gift. But then again, they just didn't know any better.

[inglourious-imagines]

The Story of Their Lives (Lt. Aldo Raine)

Requested by: @tealaquinn

Summary: The story of Lt. Aldo Raine and Sgt. Y/N Y/L/N.

Prompts: 9 - Don't you touch her. & 12 - No one would hurt you again, or I'd kill them. & 21 - I wanna see how you lose control. & 24 - He's a badass with a good heart. & 39 - Kiss me. & 93 - You make me feel... you make me feel.

Author's Note: This is damn long so I really hope you like it! Also there are some parts in Italian so I'd like you to know, I've never learnt this language so there might be some mistakes. Feel free to send request or let me know if you wanna be tagged in these ♡

Taglist: @alienoresimagines @radiantcade @meteora-fc @kyra3155 @real-fans @not-john-watsons-blog @im-in-love-with-queen

.

.

.

Y/N and Aldo never showed some kind of an affection towards each other. They respected, trusted, appreciated the other one but these traits were common among the Basterds.

It seemed so innocent at first, almost like a teasing and none of the Jewish American soldiers expected to become it something more.

•••

They met at the very beginning of the Basterd's missions. Y/N was a french spy, a very famous one so she obviously got their attention since they'd gotten to France.

The Basterds recruited her in a bar and she immediately became one of them. Y/N fit within the group perfectly, like she was always destined to be a Basterd.

•••

After the third successful mission, they decided to stay the night in a local resistance hotel to relax and prepare for another action. Everyone went to their beds as soon as they could but Donny persuaded Y/N and Aldo to gamble a little before the sleep. 

"C'mon, just one game!" Donny pleaded. It didn't take much and the trio was sitting around a table playing their fifth game.

"I thought you're better at poker, Lieutenant." Y/N laughed as she grabbed another money she won.

"Shut up, Sergeant. I just am a bit lenient with ya, that's all." Aldo fought back, trying to cover the fact he's worse with cards than Hugo trying to actually smile for once. 

"Show me what you got, Lieutenant. I wanna see how you lose control." she winked at him and dealt the cards.

•••

Something changed in Aldo this evening. At first, Y/N was just another soldier sticking up for her country trying to end the war. But now he saw her in a totally different light.

He noticed what colour her eyes have, how she always ties her hair in a braid. 

He noticed how her cheeks blushed when he praises her after a good work.

He noticed how she scrunches her nose when she disagrees with someone. 

All those little things were filling his head. Aldo was so full of it. It was during the other mission when he completely understood his feelings.

•••

One moment and his whole world flipped. 

Aldo was so angry with himself that he missed such an important thing.

Like a gun. 

The German soldier was just kneeling in front of Aldo when he reached in his pocket. It all happened so quickly then.

The German pulled out a gun and with one last defiance he pulled the trigger. But it wasn't Aldo who got hit. 

It was the woman behind him.

Aldo was like deprived of his senses. He threw away the piece of bread he was eating and jumped at the German. If Wicki didn't pulled him back, Aldo would probably beat the guy to death.

And that was Donny's speciality.

"Don't you fuckin' touch her! Or look at her!" Aldo shouted hitting his face with his fist one more time.

Y/N was so taken away by his behaviour, not really sure where the anger got from.

"What the hell, Lieutenant?" she frowned, "it's just a goddamn scratch on my arm. The bullet didn't even hit me properly." 

Aldo froze whereas Donny and Hugo looked at each other with knowing smiles. They finally realised what was going on.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he tried to brush it off, gesturing to the Basterds to continue with the scalping. "It's fuckin' bleedin' a lot!"

"It's fine. Nothing too serious, Lieutenant." Y/N replied.

Aldo just shook his head as he took off his scarf and tied it around the wound. "No one would hurt ya again, or I'd kill 'em."

•••

The Basterds got ordered to rest a bit because there was a big mission on its way. They didn't know what it was but they all welcomed a full night sleep.

But Y/N didn't feel like going to bed. Instead, she took her cigarettes and sat at the balcony of the apartment they got settled in.

It was a chilly night but she didn't mind. She actually liked cold more than heat.

"Aldo seems a bit off lately." Donny's voice broke the silence as he positioned himself next to her.

"What you mean?" she asked offering him a cigarette which he gladly accepted. 

"Remember how he beated up the German officer two weeks ago? I've never seen him like that."

"Oh Donny. He's just a badass with a good heart. I assure you, Aldo's just fine."

Donny shrugged but didn't say anything. This wasn't his secret to tell even though the change in Aldo's behaviour towards her was so damn obvious. 

Donowitz glanced at Y/N smiling a bit. He understood why Aldo fell for the female Basterd. 

•••

Bridget von Hammersmark was laying in front of them with a bullet in her leg while Hugo, Archie and Wicki were dead.

Y/N was standing in the corner of the room, lost in her thoughts, mourning for her lost friends. She knew something like that had to happen but she also believed in Basterds and part of her thought that they'll all come back home one day.

Y/N wasn't able to look at the actress anymore. She quickly left the room not looking at anyone while she lighted her cigarette. It'd been becoming too much to handle for her.

"Are you alright?" Aldo frowned as he walked towards her. "You still in?"

She laughed sarcastically at his question sheaking her head. "Yeah, of course, business. I'm in, Lieutenant."

"I didn't mean in like that and ya know it."

"Yeah, sorry. It's just-"

"I know, Sergeant. This whole event got me thinkin'. I gotta tell you something."

Y/N threw away her cigarette as she looked directly at him. She wasn't sure if it was the light or the sentiment, but Aldo's eyes never seemed so beautiful to her like they did in that moment. 

"The truth is," Raine began as he stepped closer, "you make me feel... you make me feel, Sergeant."

•••

When Y/N stepped into the room in a black plain tight dress, the conversation between the Basterds immediately stopped. They'd never seen her in anything but in uniform or the civilian clothes. Donny dropped the glass of whiskey he was drinking, Hugo's knife fell on the ground with a loud crash, Omar and Wicki stayed there with their mouths wide opened, Archie Hicox smirked and Aldo, Aldo was taken away and wasn't able to get out a word.

"Please, gentlemen! This is how you welcome a beautiful woman? She looks magnificent!" Bridget von Hammersmark exclaimed gesturing towards Y/N.

"It's so uncomfortable," Y/N frowned and tried to adjust the dress a little, "and so impractical." 

"I think it's perfect." Aldo breathed out and Bridget smiled in satisfaction.

Y/N truly looked like a completely new person. And Aldo's feelings mixed once again. She was so special to him, like water is special to desert. His life was dry without an excitment. She was the water that refreshed him after a long time of loneliness.

•••

Bridget, Aldo, Y/N, Donny and Omar stepped into the small local cinema, already so full of Nazi officers.

"It makes me sick." Y/N snorted as she looked around on the German uniforms. "I have two knives and a gun and I'm not afraid to use them right now."

Aldo laughed next to her and gallantly put his hand on her hip pulling her closely to him.

"Just relax, darlin'. We'll do that later." Aldo winked at her, not letting her go for a moment.

Bridget suddenly seemed like she'd seen a ghost. An older man approached their little group and Y/N immediately understood with whom they have the honor.

Bridget and Hans Landa shared a short conversation before they turned to them. Hammersmark formally introduced the Basterds and Y/N flinched a little under the German's look. Aldo noticed right away her change of attitude and stroked her hip gently.

"Sei assolutamente incredibile, signorina! Ho notato che molti ufficiali hanno voltato la testa dopo di te." (You look absolutely stunning, miss! I noticed that many officers turned their head after you.) Hans Landa grinned and Y/N thought it was the most disgusting thing ever.

"Grazie mille signore. Sono sicuro che stai esagerando." (Thank you very much, sir. I'm sure you're exaggerating.) Y/N faked a smile and clenched her hand in fist to remain calm.

All of the Basterds with Bridget jerked their heads towards her. Her fluent Italian took them away as well as Landa.

"Quanto amo la lingua italiana! E dalla bocca di una donna così bella, è una musica per le mie orecchie." (How I love the Italian language! And from the mouth of such a beautiful lady, it's a music for my ears.)

"Mi stai adulando, signor Landa. Non hai un brutto aspetto." (You're flattering me, Mr Landa. You don't look so bad yourself.) Y/N felt like vomitting any next second. 

Aldo had enough of Landa's fake attitude, especially how Y/N looked so stressed and angry. He decided he has to step in or she won't hold herself back. Aldo recalled the one sentence he learnt yesterday, just in case he'd need to interrupt a moment in a formal way. This was the time.

"Baciami, adesso." (Kiss me, right now.) he stated and pulled Y/N even closer than before. She didn't manage to prostest or ask a quick question and their lips touched. She returned the kiss immediately and ran her fingers through his hair.

Until someone coughed.

They pulled apart from each other, Aldo smiling widely like a winner and Y/N blushing harder than ever.

"Ci scusi signore. Il mio ragazzo qui è un tipo appassionato. Devi perdonarlo." (Excuse us, sir. My boyfriend here is the passionate kind. You must forgive him.) Y/N stuttered and but looked directly at Landa.

•••

Operation Kino was over and it was now only her, Aldo and Utivich. They lost everybody along the way. They stood together side by side through everything. They'd become something stronger than family, friends, lovers. They faced death together and nothing could break the bond they'd created over the years. It was time to go home.

Y/N stood on the ship that was taking the Basterds, or what was left of them, home. The wind was dancing on her hair whispering secrets in her ears.

"I never thought I'd make it back home." Aldo Raine appeared next to her with a cigarette between his lips.

"None of us thought so, Lieutenant." she nodded, "but the difference is, we were wrong. Not them."

"Smart as always." Aldo grinned as he turned to her. "You should stop calling me Lieutenant. The war's over."

Y/N giggled at his statement and he could swear he'd never heard something so melodic, something so right. 

"It kinda sticked with you, Lieutenant."

Aldo didn't answer, instead he threw away the cigarette and took some deep breaths. He needed whiskey, or anything else that would give him at least a bit of courage.

Aldo Raine fought in war, he saw his friends die, he was broken by everything he saw and still, asking Y/N a simple question seemed harder than surviving the bloodshed.

"Spill it out, Lieutenant." she laughed as she glanced at him. 

"I hate how ya always do that. But here it goes," Aldo replied, "I've never been good at this so I'll just keep it short."

He stopped for a moment and stared at the woman in front of him. As he stepped closer, his heart was already racing like it'd never before.

"Why don't ya come to the States with me? We can buy some little house in the Smoky Mountains and live there for the rest of our fuckin' lives." Aldo confessed in his Raine kind of way, looking at her with so much hope in his eyes. 

"Is this some kind of your proposal?" Y/N chuckled as she intertwined her fingers with his.

"Maybe."

"I thought you'd never ask! Of course I'll come with you! You're everything I have, Aldo." 

[spectraspecs-writes]

Leviathan - Chapter 106 (Rena)

Link to the masterpost. Chapter 105. Chapter 107.

A/N - Since there's been some confusion about it in the past, thought I'd make it clear here. Carth's narration is in orange text, if the orange doesn't show up please let me know but with tumblr's new post editor it should work. Bastila's narration is pink - my original idea was yellow but not only would that be illegible it's not an option. Same deal, if it doesn't show up let me know. Plus, I don't know if anyone watches the videos when I add them to chapters, but this one, you gotta watch this one.

@averruncusho @ceruleanrainblues @chubbsmomma @strangepostmiracle thank you for reading, you get a tag. @skelelexiunderlord thank you for support, you get a tag.

——–

When the elevator opens, I get… a horrible feeling. Like someone’s walking on my grave. And no one mourns me. Everything feels cold. Like that dream on Dantooine. I think Bastila shivers a bit but I don’t think Carth feels it. But how could I know, he’s blocked himself off from me. As we fight our way through to hangar control the feeling just gets worse and worse. Seeing the Hawk makes me feel a little better, but not for long.

I don’t want to be here. This is the only way to get to the hangar, but I don’t want to be here at all. I’m not ready. I don’t want to be here. I can’t calm down. It’s dark. And cold. I don’t want to be here.

The blast door opens. We didn’t move fast enough. It’s him. It’s Malak.

Carth starts to step forward with his blasters but I reach out my hand to stop him. My dream will not happen. I won’t let it. Malak laughs, and it sends a chill through me. And also a strong feeling of hatred. But it’s not a general hatred, like I would have if it was like “knowing the things you’ve done and what you stand for, I hate you.” This is a personal hatred. “I hope you weren't thinking of leaving so soon, Bastila,” Malak says. His voice is channeled through an apparatus on his chin. He has no jaw. “I've spent far too much energy hunting down you and your companions to let you get away from me now. Besides,” he says, looking at me, “I had to see for myself if it was true. Even now I can hardly believe my eyes… tell me, why did the Jedi spare you? Is it vengeance you seek at this reunion?”

I try not to be nervous, but I can’t help it. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say, “I’ve never met you, this isn’t a reunion.”

He laughs again. Over and over again. What in the goddamn hell is so funny? “What?” he laughs, “You mean you don't know? All this time, and you still haven't figured it out? I wonder how long you would have stayed blind to the truth? Surely some of what you once were must have surfaced by now.” “Once were”? I’m a scout, I’ve always been a scout. What the hell is going on? “Even the combined power of the Jedi Council couldn't keep your true identity buried forever, could it?”

… no. What? No. No that can’t be right. That’s not me. That can’t be me, I can’t be… Revan. No, I’m not. I wasn’t. That can’t be right. But it was my face! No. No that can’t be right. It’s not right. No. I look back at Carth. He can’t look at me. But this isn’t right! I’m not Revan! I can’t be. I remember being a scout!

Is that why all this felt so familiar? The Sith on the bridge - I knew them? Maybe? Is that why Jedi training went so fast? Muscle memory? I already learned how to use the Force and fight with a lightsaber. And why Master Zhar said I was a special case. Why the Star Map on Kashyyyk knew me. But…

… it isn’t right! No!

“You cannot hide from what you once were, Revan!” Malak says. Shut the hell up! “Recognize that you were once the Dark Lord - and know that I have taken your place!”

“No,” I say, “No, this isn’t right. Revan is dead.”

“You do not yet remember, Revan?” Stop calling me that! “The Jedi set a trap. They lured us into battle against a small Republic fleet. During the attack a team of Jedi knights boarded your ship. The Jedi strike team captured you and the Council used the Force to reprogram your mind; they wiped away your identity and turned you against your own followers!”

No. No it’s not true. It can’t be true. No. No. “No. No, it’s not true.”

“You must have seen flashes of your old life in your dreams, Revan; memories bubbling up to the surface? Surely you must remember the battle in which you were captured?” On Taris… but she said it was just a dream. A memory. Her memory. My memory… “How you survived the final battle is a mystery to me,” Malak says, “Perhaps you should ask Bastila; after all, she was part of the Jedi strike team that captured you!”

Yes. She was. She was there. I look at her. I hate her. “Bastila?”

“It’s true,” she says. I hate her. “I was part of the team sent to capture Revan… to capture you.” I hate her! “When Malak fired on the ship you were badly injured. We thought you were dead.” They should have left me. But if they left me, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t know Carth, or Jolee, or Canderous, or Mission, or T3, or anybody. But is that worth leaving a mass murderer alive? Is the fact that I’ve lived a better life away from the Dark Side worth all the lives Revan took? Am I worth it? “Your mind was destroyed, but I used the Force to preserve the flicker of life in your body. I brought you to the Jedi Council. They were the ones who healed your damaged mind.”

No. No. “But I have memories. I don’t remember Revan, but I remember a whole life. Planets I explored, species I discovered, stories to tell. I’m a scout!”

“The Jedi Council didn't restore your wounded mind, Revan!” Malak says, “They merely programmed it with a new identity - one loyal to the Republic! They tried to make you their slave!”

So… Bastila… I thought she was my friend! Or at least someone I could count on, someone I could trust! “You’ve been lying to me this whole time!”

“I wanted to tell you but the Council forbid it!”

“So once again you put an idea before a person!” I shout at her. I can’t help it - I hate her! “How could you justify that? How could you? How in your twisted mind could an idea be more important than a living breathing person?”

“They were afraid you might return to the dark side if you discovered your real identity!” she says, “You could have hurt more living breathing people!”

“But now you know the truth, Revan!”

I turn to Malak, and scream at him, “Shut the FUCK up! I’m not talking to you!”

He laughs. What part of “shut the fuck up” did he not understand? “And there is the Revan I remember! No longer holding back your rage!”

“What part of ‘shut up’ did you not understand?” I say. Even without a jaw, I can see his smug grin, but he leans back and crosses his arms. I turn my attention back to Bastila. “Why didn’t you just let me die?”

“For the same reason you are always concerned for the lives of others,” Bastila says, “The Jedi hold all life sacred, even that of a Sith Lord. I could not just let you die. Not if it was possible to save you.”

Malak laughs again. “Hiding the truth behind noble words,” he says, “The Jedi needed the memories buried deep in your wounded mind, Revan; there was no other way to bring them out. They had to keep you alive!”

I’m not listening to him. “And the new identity - why?”

“We couldn’t simply restore your true identity…”

“Couldn’t or wouldn’t?”

“Revan was too dangerous - we couldn’t.” Sounds like “wouldn’t” to me. “But locked inside your mind was information the Republic needed: the secrets of the Star Forge. The Council created an identity for you: a scout transferred under my command. Your subconscious memories were supposed to lead me to the Star Forge; there was no other way to get the information.”

“They made you their puppet, Revan,” Malak says, “and Bastila was the handler pulling your strings!”

“Why you? Why are you here? Why did they choose you? You were my friend - why would you do this to me?”

“I used my Force powers to keep you alive on that bridge - it created our bond,” she says. That goddamned bond! “I convinced the Council that I could use that bond to draw out your memories and lead us to the Star Forge.”

“Tell the truth, Bastila,” Malak says, “you wanted to taste the Dark Side for yourself! You knew the only way the Council would permit you to explore the Sith's power was through Revan's lost memories!”

“No!” she says, “I wanted to help you, Revan.”

I scoff. “But you wouldn't mind helping yourself along the way, I bet.” After all, she thought this was an audition for masterdom - she’s looked for power before.

“Revan, I thought this mission would redeem you; that it would atone for your past crimes. How else could you be saved?”

No. No. “You used me! You and the whole Council! I trusted you! And you used me and lied to me the whole time!”

“Rena, Malak nearly killed you, but the Jedi Council gave you another chance to live! They gave you a chance to redeem yourself by defeating the Sith!”

“A rash and futile hope,” Malak says, “The Dark Side is too strong, my power is too great! Even my old master is no longer a match for me!” He turns to me. What was before anxiety and fear is now firmly rage and anger. At Bastila, at the Council, at Malak, at me. “A small part of me has always regretted betraying you from afar,” Malak says, “I always knew there were some who would think I acted out of fear, that I did not want to face you. But now fate has given me a second chance to prove myself. Once I defeat you in combat no one will question my claim to the Sith throne; my triumph will be complete!” He reaches out a hand, and Bastila and Carth are both immobilized. “The Jedi Council were foolish to let you live. I won't make the same mistake. We shall finish this alone in the ancient Sith tradition: master versus apprentice, as it was meant to be!”

I am. Absolutely. Done. Today has gone on long enough. I have had it. “You wanna know something?” I say, “This is, categorically, the worst day of my life.”

---

Damn it, Rena! If she hadn’t stopped me before, maybe I could have shot Malak and we wouldn’t be in this situation! And now she’s fighting Malak alone. She doesn’t stand a chance against him.

But why should I care? She’s a Sith Lord! She’s been a Sith Lord the whole time! Oh, she can claim she doesn’t remember all she wants, but how can I know she’s telling the truth? How can I trust her? She deserves everything she gets!

But… it’s Rena. My friend. I saved her life on Taris, she’s saved my life more than once, she’s always been there for me. She found Dustil. Turned him away from the Sith. I love her. She feels right. And I promised to protect her. And then…

No. I promised to protect Rena. This is Revan. Revan, who led us during the Mandalorian Wars, rallied Jedi to our side. Revan, who won the war for the Republic. Revan, who betrayed us all.

I can’t forgive Revan. But I can’t forgive Malak, either. Malak gave the order to attack Telos. And I- I don’t know if Revan had anything to do with it, but Malak definitely did. He deserves to die. And the war has been a lot worse since Revan was killed. Wiped. Whatever. And if that has anything to do with the two of them, Malak is clearly the worse of the two. He deserves to die. And I want to take revenge on Revan myself. For lying to me. For using me.

Was any of it real? Was she ever on the side of the Republic, the whole time? Did she even love me like she said? Or was it all a lie? Hell, for all I know, she wanted us to be here. Maybe she sent a transmission to Saul when I wasn’t looking. Maybe she really did join the Sith on Korriban.

But I saw into her head. That first night on Korriban, whatever she did, I saw into her head. It was strange, the whole experience, but it was like I saw her whole life. She told me - well, sort of told me - that she could never fall if I was there. That she wouldn’t. She couldn’t hurt me. She couldn’t do that to me. And that’s how she told me she loved me. I don’t think she meant to. It just sort of came out. And it showed me that I loved her. Something I didn’t want to think about, I guess. Especially not then - I was so focused on Dustil. And Morgana. She died five years ago and I was never able to get her off my mind. Before Rena. And when she showed me inside her head… it all made sense.

But what if all that was a lie? How can I believe anything she’s ever - Rena, look out! In a fraction of a second, she dodges Malak’s lightsaber. And I feel her in my head, like I did before - “Thanks, I got it.” It doesn’t feel like her, not like it felt before, on Korriban. On Korriban, it felt… I don’t know how to describe it. It was like… coming home after a long time. It was a warm full feeling. A good feeling. But this, now, feels completely different. She feels almost… cold. Dark. Rushed.

Maybe that’s just because she’s fighting, she’s focused. But I saw how she yelled at Bastila. And Malak. She’s not the same at all, is she? She’s not the same Rena. And she never will be again, will she? The woman I… the woman I thought I knew - she’s gone. It’s just Revan now.

---

This was not the way I hoped she would find out. I wanted her to find out in a safe place, surrounded by friends, no more battles to be fought. Perhaps after we’d found the last Star Map or before we went to the Star Forge. Of course I knew she would have to find out eventually. I knew that a fight with Malak was inevitable, and that he would reveal her true identity. I just did not want that to be the first time she heard it. I wanted her to hear it from me. I wanted to be able to answer all of her questions in a calm, safe environment, a place where she could express all of her feelings safely, and understand why the Council did this.

Being captured by the Leviathan was the last thing I expected. Everything was going relatively smoothly. I was concerned about Korriban, but Jolee told me she acted exemplary, a fine model of Jedi teachings. As much as usual, anyway. As I’ve told her before, her methods are unorthodox, and she has a tendency to act emotionally, but she is dedicated to the wellbeing of others. I’ve regularly seen her put the lives of others before her own, as have the others. I never knew Revan personally - when she and Malak left for the Mandalorian Wars, I sided with the Council - but from what I’ve gathered, “selfless” was not a word others would use to describe her. Revan and Rena have many things in common, but I don’t believe they are the same at heart. Rena certainly has her faults and her shortcomings as a Jedi, but I could never see her falling to the Dark Side.

I’m ashamed to admit I wasn’t always so certain. Her feelings for Carth were concerning at first. As I said, I never knew Revan, but she had a reputation for hedonism, and Rena seemed quite the same at first. And not only that - her dueling on Taris concerned me, as well. She seemed very aggressive. But I came to learn I was mistaken in that assessment. She used dueling more to blow off steam than as an outlet for aggression.

Her identity was a mystery to me at first. I knew that the Council put her under my command, but beyond that they seem to have taken quite a few liberties in explaining her knowledge. She has a number of specifics when it comes to being a scout or ecology. And I don’t know where her crusade against Czerka came from. Perhaps these details came from Revan’s memory, and the Council just changed the explanation. Perhaps the identity was someone else, someone who died in the war, or someone from the archive memory. I had only met her briefly before the attack on the Endar Spire, and I doubt it was an encounter she’d remember. She was up late, fixing a droid. If I hadn’t known her voice I wouldn’t have recognized her. Most of what I knew about her came from a datapad, at first.

It took a long time before I stopped calling her Revan. I of course never said it out loud, but there were many times when I thought to myself, “Why is Revan doing that?” or “That is not something I expected from Revan,” or “Revan is getting on my nerves.” It wasn’t until Dantooine, during her month of retraining, that I began to think of her as Rena and not Revan. I never knew Revan, but Rena is my friend. And I don’t have many of those. It’s a complicated friendship, certainly, and we have our fair share of disagreements. But part of friendship is how you deal with those disagreements.

Although, I wonder if that friendship is over now. Not because of how her true identity was revealed, although that certainly doesn’t help. I know she disagrees with me, but the Jedi are more than simply an idea. The Jedi are the only thing holding the Dark Side at bay. Without the Jedi, the galaxy would descend into darkness, beyond hope, possible beyond salvation. Certainly that is more important than any individual. If saving Revan will defeat Malak, I have no regrets. If Carth suffering Admiral Karath’s torture would have aided the Republic, then I would consider that an acceptable loss. I wouldn't enjoy it, of course, but if it was necessary I would find a way to live with the consequences. And I gather Revan would have felt the same. But Rena doesn’t. Perhaps they are more dissimilar than I thought.

Rena reaches out to kick Malak, but before she makes contact, Malak whisks her into a Force whirlwind and runs. A coward, as he has always been.

---

Asshole! I could see it in his eyes, I was making progress, I was making a dent, and he runs!

I could just let him go. This is not going to be the last time we meet. It can’t be. The Star Forge is still out there. And Malak would like nothing more than to get rid of me now. I’m a problem, and the only way to stop me from being a problem is to kill me. I have no intention of dying today, if only because I need to give the Jedi Council hell. I don’t want to think about that now, though, if I think about that now I’m going to have a fucking panic attack. So that’s that. I’m going to wait for Carth and Bastila to unfreeze, and then we get to the Hawk and go. Easy.

But it could never be that simple, could it? Malak would not leave any avenue for me to just go. And even if he did, that wouldn’t be the end of the fight. Maybe there’s a tracker on the Hawk. Maybe he’ll follow us to Manaan. I have no idea how this will end, but it won’t end well.

I don’t want to be here. I don’t know what this feeling is in the pit of my stomach, but I hate it. Oh. Wait. That’s what it is. Nope, I don’t want to think about that now. I need a hug. But Carth is still frozen, assuming he could even trust me again. Nope, not thinking about that. I touch Carth’s hand, at least, looking for a little comfort. And he lets me read him. He hates it. God, that’s a horrible feeling. Nope, don’t want to think about that. Focus on the Sith Lord.

I think I saw Malak go through the door in front of me, rather than left or right. But it’s locked. Why? Why is he making this difficult? Let’s try finding another way into that corridor. Door on the right. There’s another door on my left that should lead to where Malak is, but it’s locked, too. Jesus, dude, really? Okay, keep moving forward. Another door. Left turn. One more door that should lead to Malak, but it is also locked. Why, dude? Why? All this effort to prove you’re not a coward, but you’re acting pretty cowardly. I keep moving forward to the next door. Through that and after another turn there’s one more door that should lead to Malak. If this one is locked, too, I swear to fucking God…

It opens. There he is. Bastard.

---

I can feel Malak’s stasis hold slowly wearing off. It starts small at first. I can move my foot, just a little. Then it fades even more, and I can curl my fingers. Then it fades completely, and I can let my muscles relax for a moment. But only a brief moment. Rena is still fighting Malak. I can sense it. But his is not the only anger I feel. Carth is clearly not having the best day, to put it mildly. And as much as he’s trying to focus solely on Malak and getting to the Ebon Hawk, his thoughts are obviously clouded by Rena. Anger at her, and me, at the Jedi Council, but also confusion. And mistrust. Perhaps even some depression. Clearly there is sadness there. But how deep it goes is unclear.

“Damn it, Rena!” he swears at her, “She’s going to get herself killed, fighting Malak alone.”

“You still care about her, then,” I say. I did not expect his feelings for her to go away so quickly, but I did expect them to be mixed.

“Care, hell, I don’t think we’ll be able to find the last Star Map without her,” he says. No, that’s not quite right. But no matter. We have more important things to worry about. “I saw her go right, but the door closed and I have no idea where she went from there.” I saw that, too. “Can you sense where they are?”

“I can try.” I reach out with the Force. She’s close. And despite Carth’s concern, for lack of a better word, she would seem to be doing very well on her own. She’s certainly thinking about her identity, but she’s doing her best to focus on Malak. This fight isn’t going to end today. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but this fight is not going to end today.

A choice needs to be made. One of us isn’t going to make it out of here. And Carth’s right, the others need Rena to find the last Star Map. Revan found it on Manaan once before, and even if she doesn’t know it, Rena has the memory. A sacrifice needs to be made. My sacrifice. “We need to hurry,” I say, and we run through the center door. I only hope we’re not too late.

---

Malak moves fast. Almost too fast. I let myself react on instinct rather than using any particular form or thinking about my responses. I just let my mind go blank. Muscle memory. Memory. Memory. Nope, don’t want to think about that. Focus on this.

I’m not going to win this fight.

Malak reaches out a hand and suddenly I can’t move. God. No. No this can’t happen. Carth, if anything happens, I just want you to know I love --

“This isn’t over, Malak!” Bastila? They’re unfrozen. I’m not going to die today. But something’s not…

“Your friends do not give up easily, Revan,” Malak says, “You always could inspire loyalty. But even the three of you together cannot stand against my power!”

“For the Jedi!” Bastila shouts, and she throws her lightsaber at him. Malak starts to move towards her. I still can’t move, not yet. Focus, Rena, focus! Undo it! Do something! “I’ll hold Malak off!” she says, “You two get out of here! Find the Star Forge!”

“No, Bastila, he’s too strong!” Carth says, but she doesn’t change. “No!” She reaches out a hand and closes the door behind Malak, sealing them in. And suddenly I can move again, I don’t know how, but I can move. I’ve got to help her, I’ve got to get in there! I head for the lock, there’s got to be something I can do! Come on. Come on! “The door’s sealed, we can’t get past!” Carth says, trying to stop me, “Come on, we have to get to the Ebon Hawk!”

“No, we can’t, I have to help her!” I have to help her!

“Bastila doesn’t stand a chance against Malak, but we can’t help her. Not here.”

“I can’t let another person die!” I shout. I can’t. How many deaths did Revan cause? How many did Revan kill? I can’t do that again, I won’t have her death on my ledger, too!

“We have to get off this ship and find the Star Forge,” he insists, “That’s the key to beating Malak!”

“No, the key to defeating him is right behind this fucking door - are you going to help me or not?”

“No, I’m not!” he says, “Look, Bastila sacrificed herself so we could get away, and I won’t let that sacrifice be in vain. If you won’t come with me, then I'll shoot you and carry you out, but I’d rather not do that. Don’t force my hand.”

I can’t leave her. But I can’t leave him. I can’t -- I don’t know! I - wait, what the fuck, put me down! “I’m not waiting for you to figure it out.” This is completely degrading.

Thankfully he puts me down when we get to the ship. “Get the hyperdrive up and running, they will have deactivated it on Saul’s orders. Let me know once it’s ready,” he says, “I don’t want to be here a minute longer than we have to be.” I nod and run for the hyperdrive engine. T3 whirs along behind me.

It’s something to focus on, at least. This wasn’t a single “flick a switch” deactivation, this was by the book. Power couplings disconnected, safety caps on the ends, this is going to take a bit. I pull my communicator out of my pocket and buzz Carth. “This is going to take a couple minutes, don’t do any fancy flying.” He acknowledges me but that’s it. I don’t have time to think about that right now. He gets us out of the hangar and the battle begins. Shield grid’s in good shape. Caps off the couplings, this may sting a bit. I don’t know as much about engines as I do about droids, but the caps seem to be the same, just scaled up. If a droid’s going to be powered down for a while or could get wet - like torrential downpour wet - you’re supposed to disconnect the power couplings and put rubber caps on the end, for safety. So no one gets electrocuted or so the power flow doesn’t get corrupted, because that’s a bear to fix. And if this were a droid, I’d want to start at the bottom coupling and work my way up. The process here should be the same, too - turn the power off or reroute it, pull the caps off, reconnect, reroute it back. So I start on the lowest of the four. Reroute, caps, reconne - Carth, I said no fancy flying! Stop with the loop de loops! Reconnect, reroute. Second. Try not to lose my lunch. As if I’ve eaten much today. Third. God, Mission, hit them before they hit us! Fourth. Come on, come on… Done! “Carth, punch it!”

Hyperspace. Finally. The worst is over.

Or… maybe it’s just getting started.

[ma-gic-gay]

"Get. Out," Jason says, glaring at the mobster in front of him. "Aren't you supposed to be in a prison cell?"

"I was released on bail and wanted to see how-"

"Say her name and you'll be the one in the hospital bed."

"Is that a threat?"

"A promise," he smiles fakely, enjoying the fact he's the one with power in this situation. This sick bastard is the reason that his... Carly is traumatized and hurt.

"Please, leave," Carly requests softly. For a minute, Jason almost forgot she was there. He immediately goes back in his chair and wipes away her tears, which are coming fairly frequently. "I want him out of here and back in his cell."

"You heard the woman. Get out or I'll have security remove you."

"I own part of this hospital, Mr. Morgan. I'm on the board-"

"Not anymore," Michael answers, walking in with his kids and Willow. "Last night, the board took a vote. ELQ bought out your shares and the board decided you're no longer a part of it. So if I were you, I'd get out of here while you can still move."

"Are you threatening me, Mr. Corinthos?" Cyrus asks, amused. "That won't fly with anyone, really."

"You made a mistake, underestimating him," Willow chimes in. "I'd leave pretty quickly if I were you. After all, we know you're going back to Pentonville, where I look forward to you rotting in a prison cell until you die a slow, painful death."

"Ms. Tait-"

"It's Mrs. Corinthos, actually," she says, glaring at him while showing her engagement and wedding rings. "Because, you see, I love Michael and he loves me. That's what these beautiful rings mean. Something I doubt you'll ever be able to experience. Then again, maybe prisoners like knowing that their fellow prisoner is a kidnapper and rapist. Maybe not. I guess you'll find out."

"I have no reason to leave," Cyrus answers a non-existent question. "There's no need for me to. I just wanted to check on Carly. I do hope I can call you that, Mrs. Corinthos?"

"No," she answers, voice weak and tears still streaming down her face. "Please, leave. You know what you did to me. So do the cops, so does everyone else in this room. Enjoy your last few weeks of freedom if you insist, but otherwise, Cyrus, get the hell out of my room."

When he still refuses to move, Jason presses the "call" button near Carly's bed and Epiphany enters the room. "Mr. Renault. Unless you need medical attention, get out of this hospital."

"Nurse Johnson," he greets. "Nice to see you."

"Security!" Epiphany shouts instead of answering his greeting. "Cyrus is in 3115!"

A few moments later, a security guard enters and escorts Cyrus out, much to the man's protests. "I'm not doing anything wrong by visiting a friend!"

Epiphany casts a glance towards Carly, "You want a sedative or something?"

"No, thanks," the blonde responds, noticing her grandkids are in the room and breaking into a fake smile. "Hey Wiley, Ophelia! Did you two have fun playing with Donna and Avery yesterday?"

"Grandma, why are you crying?" Wiley asks. "And why aren't you at home?"

"I got a really bad booboo and so I'm stuck in here for a little while. Don't worry, bud, I'll be out of here and playing with you two again as soon as I can. Maybe we'll go get some ice cream to celebrate when I get out, how's that sound?" Carly asks her grandson, simplifying it greatly.

"Yay! Ice cream!" Wiley cheers while his sister just smiles.

"Hey, Mr. Wiley, I think you have to get to school," Michael says after glancing at his watch.

"But I want to help Grandma's boo-boos feel better!" He protests.

"Grandma needs her rest, Wiley. Tell you what, maybe your dad will take you here after school and you can tell her all about your day. How's that sound?" Jason offers, compromising.

"Will you make sure she gets her rest, Jason?" Wiley asks and they laugh at the young boy's concern.

"Yes, I will. But you've got to get off to school first."

"Okay. Bye bye, Grandma and Jason! I'll be back after school."

He waves as Michael takes him out of there, Ophelia still with Willow. "Ophelia, do you wanna say bye to her? Say bye bye," Willow urges, smiling.

Silence follows that. "She's being rude, sorry about that," she jokes before bringing her out to join Michael and Wiley in the car.

As soon as the door closes behind Willow, the silent tears multiply and Carly's loudly sobbing. "How did he get out, Jason? They promised me he'd go to jail, that he'd never see the light of day again. I know it's the PCPD, but they made a promise to me! And now he's walking around town, free to see me and make me feel like I'm back in that room and he's about to-" she trails off at one point, sobs overtaking her vocal cords.

"I don't know. I'm calling Diane; this isn't making any sense."

"No need to call, Jason. I'm right here. Heard Cyrus got let out?"

"He paid a visit to us, actually, only a few minutes ago," Carly says, abruptly ending her sobs.

"Well, the DA is going to take this case. Which means Robert Scorpio is your lawyer. I'm going to be assisting him, however, and I expect that Cyrus will be put away rather quickly. If he doesn't plead guilty, than you'll go to trial. His arraignment is happening tomorrow and he's out on bail until then. After that, he will be sent to Pentonville to either await trial or start serving his sentence," Diane summarizes quickly. "Carly, when are you expected to get out of here?"

"In a couple of days, but I think they'd let me out for a court date."

"You're not leaving until the doctor's deem it safe," Jason counters quickly. "If you can't go to the arraignment, I will. I'll tell you exactly what happened."

"Well if the doctors say I can go to court-"

"Look. I'll talk to the nurses and figure out what's going on here. You two can fight about this later. In the meantime, you need to be prepared for the possibility he'll plead not guilty and take this to trial." Diane interjects. "Robert will be by later today to discuss this with you."

"If he pleads not guilty and we go to trial, how fast can we get one?" Jason asks.

"A couple of weeks, probably. Which means keeping a low profile. No business talk, no crazy ideas. Just a coffee importer and a victim of what Cyrus did to you," Diane warns. "You two don't exactly have the best reputation."

"Hey, I'm a respectable businesswoman and he's a respectable businessman. We'll be fine," Carly smiles and Diane cocks an eyebrow at Jason.

"We won't do anything stupid."

"Good. I'm going to go talk to the nurses. Carly, rest up. We'll want you at court tomorrow." Diane says before leaving, her heels clacking along the tile.

"Don't tell me you want me to stay in the hospital," Carly says, starting up that argument again.

"I don't. But if it's the best way for you to heal-"

"It's not. I'm already bored to death and, as much as I enjoy your company, I want to be at home. Or at work. Back to running the world, you know? Not cooped up in this hospital bed, screaming every few hours because I feel like I'm back in that room above Jake's, which used to be such a fun spot but now it makes me want to die inside, thinking about it. Thinking about what he did, it taints almost all of our memories there and I think that's the worst part of it," the blonde admits, smiling through her tears.

"I can think, you know, about how we got our start, and when I focus on just you, it makes it all seem so much easier. When I don't, and I let my mind wander, somehow I end up thinking about what Cyrus did. I can't even indulge in nostalgia without thinking about him, Jason. The physical, yeah I'm sore but I'll be fine. Eventually, I won't have any physical mark of it. But the emotional one, what if it never goes away? What if whenever I think of us, and that little room, I always end up thinking about Cyrus? What then?"

"Then you'll just have to think of our other memories. At the penthouse, at any of your houses, with Michael, at the hospital, any of the years worth of other memories," he offers. "They're not our only good memories, Carly. They're just a few."

"My boy on the side, remember?" She asks and they laugh. "Robin couldn't find out and neither could Tony."

"Yeah," he smiles. "We were determined to never speak to each other outside of the bar and that room. It was pretty much our only rule."

"I never did like following rules."

"Not even the ones you came up with."

"Well, if I'd followed the rules, then you wouldn't know me nearly as well and you'd be leading a sad life without me in it. You wouldn't have nearly as much fun without me," she says confidently.

"I'd also have way less headaches."

"And be dead by now."

"Yeah, probably."

"I think I've earned a thank you."

"Thank you, Carly."

"You're welcome." Smiling, she realizes something. "Hey, I just realized that you didn't kiss me that nightmare."

"Did you really want me to kiss you in front of Cyrus?" He asks.

"It would've drove him nuts."

"Yeah, well Michael, Willow, and your grandkids were in here too. Michael's already barely not killing us for having sex, I don't feel like testing that."

"No one's here now."

"Is that your way of telling me to-" he gets cut off by the feeling of her kissing him.

They pull apart a few moments later, Carly having a satisfied smile on her face. "So, how long does this whole kissing me every time I have a nightmare thing last?"

"Until we decide to stop it," he answers simply, refusing to label whatever the hell is going on here. At least, none of that until she's more recovered from this, maybe when Cyrus is behind bars.

To be continued after I actually do school because fuck the education system

@ryleighjosephine i dont know what the song is sorry

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: That hoodie was yours anyway so welcome for finally getting it back Jimmy: Knew the 🚬 hole weren't you 🤓 Janis: cheek Janis: I've took well good care of it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: it's too early for your condescension Janis: 🤐 unless you're saying tah for not having to walk home in a mini skirt Jimmy: but not too early for your 🤓 words, eh? Jimmy: I get it, only one of us is allowed to show off Janis: showing off your pins in the PM is a different vibe completely to the AM, trust Janis: be well 💔 if you got molested/hate crimed Jimmy: Oi, it's well 💔 that you've forgotten how 💪🏆 I am, pisshead Jimmy: 👻🥊 Janis: 1. you were AS wasted, you didn't even get home so, worse, some would say 2. you pretty much pissed yourself when the kid came charging in so I might need reminding before I believe that again Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: is it though Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: but if you need it SHOUTED, alright Janis: gonna need 📣 and then some Janis: back in the middle of nowhere now Jimmy: should've said, you could've had the 🐑 costume Jimmy: Gracie'd never 👀 you Janis: had to happen eventually Janis: the last thing I wanna do is #twin Janis: hopefully she ain't here Jimmy: easy, just steer clear of the ✨ Janis: not so easy at this time of year Janis: shit gets everywhere Jimmy: if you ain't up to the challenge, Jill Janis: seeing as I avoid them a lot better than you do Janis: pretty confident on that Jimmy: #whenshesnotthelassyouthoughtshewere 😭🎻💔 Jimmy: but it's alright I'll ❌ out the bollocks and leave the compliment about how you look Janis: 🙄 cry me a river, dickhead Jimmy: nowt challenging about that Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: glad I ain't gotta fake my 😍 right now Jimmy: too 🥺 about leaving me an' all, obvs Jimmy: ALWAYS on the same page, us Janis: Obvs Janis: don't worry, christmas with my family is shit enough that's what they'll all reckon from the 😒 Jimmy: weren't Jimmy: only 1 of 'em is in our target audience Jimmy: and if she were a 🖍 it'd be no dickhead's fave colour Janis: just 💪 that I don't need the day off Jimmy: DUH Jimmy: so impressive, you Janis: tah for the validation Janis: christmas came early Jimmy: long as it's just 🎄 Jimmy: don't need that rumour spread about, tah Janis: 😂 Janis: save it for the bitter breakup Jimmy: for all the dickheads in my DMs it'd put off, there'd be lasses taking it as a challenge or compliment Janis: true Janis: just go with my original plan and pretend you never existed Janis: what's more damning Janis: 👻❓ Jimmy: sir weren't having that Janis: number 1 fan? Jimmy: of me having a beard so he can have me behind shut classroom doors Janis: an idea Janis: I'll just out you Jimmy: new lad with no mates ✔ Jimmy: shit home life ✔ Jimmy: worked it all out, him Jimmy: gutted he can't do the same with you and your 😈💡 Janis: how many teachers they need for an official ring? Jimmy: dunno, tried to google it, well distracted now Janis: 🚨🚨 Jimmy: undercover 👮🚔 perks Jimmy: it were all for a case, mate Janis: too real Jimmy: 💰 on Mia's dad trying that one on an' all Janis: oldest trick in the book Jimmy: #defensesquad Janis: in good company Jimmy: first time he'll have heard that Janis: except from his delightful daughter, obvs Janis: no news on how in the shit she is Janis: I'll 🔍 Jimmy: I'll ask Asia, nowt that lass won't tell me Janis: aren't you #blessed Jimmy: 🎁 that keeps on giving Jimmy: and you reckoned 🎄 came early for you Janis: 🤢 Janis: too early for that as well Jimmy: if I open my DMs to find she's wrapped a bow round herself you don't wanna know, I get it Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: I really  don't Janis: 'til you're gonna go there and then give me 48hrs notice tah Jimmy: never gonna be that pissed, you're alright Janis: 😏 never again, is it? Janis: my grandparents were in a mood so maybe you did spray their bathroom with puke Jimmy: never her Jimmy: and you could be proud of me for finding their 🚽 dickhead Janis: never said I weren't Janis: they don't know how challenged and northern you are Jimmy: what I'm hearing is you're dead proud they never heard me 🗨 Jimmy: 🔇🏆 Janis: you must've been signing Janis: I dunno Jimmy: if that's what I were doing with my hands I'm chuffed you can't remember owt Jimmy: be a piss poor review Janis: I weren't THAT drunk Janis: but I'll keep that 🤐 in my general daily praise of you for the socials 🙄 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I weren't Janis: twat Jimmy: 👌 Janis: U G H Janis: what are you doing on your day off then Janis: 'cos yeah, I caught that bit of their 📞 Jimmy: whatever he wants Janis: cute Jimmy: leave it out, I know you caught how 😁 he were an' all Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt ain't just for you, Joan Janis: I was being sincere, actually Jimmy: were you? Janis: yeah Janis: it's cute he likes you so much Jimmy: he don't know any better Jimmy: give him a bit Janis: you've got a few years 'til hormones are an issue Jimmy: tah for the reminder Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: better off 🤞 there ain't any more Janis: could always book him a vasectomy for his 🎁 Jimmy: least my mum dunno which doorstep is ours to leave any 👶 on Janis: silver lining Janis: my sister'll be here with her brats now Jimmy: I should've got you a 🎻🎁 Jimmy: Have you got Libi an' all? Janis: you should've booked me a medical coma Janis: yeah, we usually all get together, at least for the meal Janis: it's ridiculous Jimmy: tah for my invite Janis: 🎟 to the 🎪 Janis: nah, you're alright Jimmy: so what, been working on my 🤹 for nowt? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: you could come to midnight mass Janis: that's a fun thing my sister forces me to do Jimmy: I get it, you didn't get your 🎄🔥 Jimmy: as a stand in goes, any heathen'll do Janis: it's Catholicism Janis: all 😈 happily welcomed Jimmy: alright then Janis: 😂 yeah right Jimmy: if our kid ain't asleep, he can do my sister's head in for a bit Janis: you want a chance to piss off my other nan? Janis: she'll probably love you 'cos shit home life ✔ Jimmy: I were in it for the 🎨 but you've sold that an' all now Janis: 'course you were Janis: why not Janis: if I HAVE to go Jimmy: can I borrow your 👼🏽 ootd or is it too fucked from last night? Janis: Sadly that literal piece of fabric I'd wrapped around myself did not last the evening Janis: you'll think of something, I know Jimmy: it'll be round a 🎄 by now Jimmy: whoever's got the 🥇 shrine going Janis: graced by my 🍑 Janis: what could be more 🙌🙏 worthy Jimmy: nowt OBVS Janis: tah babes Jimmy: [a picture of all the carnage Twix has caused with these decs cos she's a naughty bab] Janis: 😬 uh-oh Janis: no more nice list Jimmy: can kinky Jesus top that for 🎨? Janis: top of the list always Janis: favourite son Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: I get why you 💕🙌🙏 me now Janis: ha Janis: fairplay I'll lead with that comparison when introducing you Jimmy: it's a good shout Janis: it's not but it's blasphemous Janis: might get an exorcism out of it 🤞 Jimmy: I can't help being white, soz Janis: this is my 🤶🏾 so she'll be vexed x2 Janis: well done Jimmy: not calling you a slag again but if you wanna give me my 🏆 in a way that'd have Jesus chuffed to bits and her fuming, I'll live Jimmy: 💭 on it for a bit Janis: 🤔 Janis: washing your feet with my hair or??? Janis: ask Gracie, hers is detachable Jimmy: I know you don't wanna twin but about the only place I ain't found strands of yours is between my toes Jimmy: tah for not making me hold it back last night Jimmy: two handed job, that Janis: if that's what you were doing with your hands, loads to brag about in the review Janis: I dunno then, fish supper? Jimmy: stick it in the group chat ❌🤮 bit and we'll see if 💀👑 still has her phone Janis: about my lack of a gag reflex? Janis: #hardrelate and they're 😭😭 they lost it Janis: more valuable 🍒 Jimmy: her dad wouldn't agree and he'll not have stopped 😭😭 about that lad Janis: can get surgery to pop that back Janis: her ma will know Jimmy: 🎄🎁 sorted Janis: he'll still KNOW Janis: no going back to being 👸 Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: who's not got a dad now, like Janis: #disowned Jimmy: if she kills herself and I get stuck with her 👻 Jimmy: that there's a REAL rom com, soz babe Janis: happily let her take you off my hands Jimmy: 👍 Janis: forever ever is an awfully long time Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: gutted I don't have a 💍 to do you a fake proposal at midnight mass Jimmy: need a Sharon leaving her tat about, sort it out Ian Janis: leaning into the hallmark romcoms there Jimmy: your nan not a fan? Janis: god knows Janis: literal, probably chats about her daily with him constant Jimmy: 😂 Janis: poor bloke Janis: not even a nun, stop bending his ear like you 💍 him Jimmy: #godssidechick Janis: she's used to it Janis: 😱 Janis: LOVES the priest and all Jimmy: OMG how fit and mysterious is he? Janis: Well there's a NEW one, can you believe it Janis: haven't been in years, like Jimmy: !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jimmy: @graciegurl I NEED a makeover RN Janis: she'll be too busy trying to match with a baby Jimmy: 📷 tah Janis: what? Jimmy: come on, I wanna 👀 see who's 😭 more, her or the 👶 Janis: oh Janis: [probably already harassing ruster and the kids so have at those socials] Jimmy: what did you think I meant? Janis: that would wanted her to 📷 her motd for you to copy or something Jimmy: 🥇💡 out serve her 👗 in the eyes of god Janis: is that really a challenge though Jimmy: nah, which is why I won't actually bother Janis: sure she won't either Janis: not in a 😍 way, just the wholesome 😇 thing Jimmy: as excuses go, it's a 🏅 for participation again Janis: well you'll see why when you get there Jimmy: LOVE it when you bust out a threat Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: it's not a threat really but again, sure you will be Jimmy: SO 😁 me Jimmy: sod off 🎅 I'm waiting for god to hand out the 🎁🎁 Janis: ugh don't Janis: she does think she's a fucking gift from god Jimmy: I wanna hate her but obvs that's where you get your big head from, girl and I 💕 that about you Janis: shut up Janis: I ain't nothing like her Jimmy: 🤐 Jimmy: one of a kind 🏆 Janis: just not a cunt Jimmy: thank GOD we're faking this 'cause that's totally my type Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: go on Janis: go have a good day Janis: see you later Jimmy: say piss off like you mean it Janis: come on Jimmy: what? Janis: I just don't want to talk about my family Jimmy: alright Jimmy: crack on slagging off mine for a bit if you want Jimmy: piss easy 🎯 Janis: I'm alright for it Janis: I'll go put myself in that coma Jimmy: nice of you to give Lucas a 🎁 Jimmy: I'll fake not feeling left out Janis: oi Janis: I gave you presents Jimmy: not an induced coma though, were it? Janis: crack on if you've got a spare 5 minutes Jimmy: for you, always have 💕 Janis: so goals Janis: isn't that another Sandy film? Jimmy: not her in the coma Jimmy: but there is sibling bollocks that Gracie'd lose her shit over Janis: yeah but she does fuck a dude in a coma, more or less Janis: is what I'm getting at Jimmy: she's desperate for it, til she ain't Jimmy: not fake dating the way we do it Janis: so she pussies out at the end Janis: 🙄 Janis: expected better of you, Sandra Jimmy: it's ages before then, trying to crack on to his brother as soon as he shows up, her Jimmy: ain't a kink unlocked, Lucas'll have to elsewhere to feel seen Janis: you know the best sites, share the wealth 👮🚨 Jimmy: might if he's got a 🎁 for me Janis: it's the detentions when we get back Janis: no patience, you Jimmy: be long gone by then Janis: sucks for you then Jimmy: you'll have to tell me about it Janis: what, in my 💌s Jimmy: slide into my DMs, baby Jimmy: won't be that many J's in there Jimmy: if we're going back up north no dickhead knows their alphabet that far Jimmy: 👶 names stop at G for Gaz Janis: yet your ability to think up obscure J names knows no bounds Janis: weird flex but alright Jimmy: 🖋🎨 Janis: oh I get it Janis: Bill talking right now Janis: 👋 lad Jimmy: valorous m'rning, wench 👋 Jimmy: at which hour art thee going to leaveth this daw and runneth off with me? Jimmy: that gent cannot coequal readeth 'r writeth Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Jimmy: how shall thee knoweth thou art did love?!! Janis: I feel like Asia any time any lad opens his mouth Janis: don't fully know what you're saying but I know I like it Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 Jimmy: he's taking the piss out of me, 'course you do Janis: of course Janis: SUCH a bully, me Jimmy: the angelics were last night Jimmy: you've got today off Janis: s'what 💀👑 crying on in my inbox right now Janis: not like she actually makes it her life's mission to be a massive bitch to everyone or nothing 👌 Jimmy: show us Janis: [Mia acting the victim like THAT WAS TOO FAR I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE DONE THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE etc] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: bit rude of her to give me fuck all credit Janis: the obsession is real Janis: plus why blame a lad when you can a girl Janis: more drama more fun 🙌 Jimmy: do you wanna do something? Jimmy: no challenge to go further Janis: Don't know Janis: if she's bullshitting how serious it actually is, there's always NYE to fuck up as well Jimmy: alright, do you want a night off instead? Janis: it's christmas eve Jimmy: and? Janis: only the really unlucky work it Janis: and 🎅 Jimmy: there you go then, be piss easy to do 📵 Janis: but you've got your brother Jimmy: weren't gonna put him on a selfie ban an' all Janis: he would be gutted Jimmy: he's already watched Rudolf get bullied by the 😎 lad who looks like he were in a reindeer boyband, bit of the glowing red nose for him it were, but we know how it ends Jimmy: he'll dry his eyes and be alright Janis: that film is brutal Janis: should come with a warning, tbh Jimmy: that'll be why Ian put it on for him Janis: seems like his cup of tea Janis: if your difference makes you useful, then we'll start being alright to you Janis: dunno how being deaf is gonna get all the prezzies out on time but you know Jimmy: toughen up and get a job, lad Jimmy: dunno what you're pissing about at Janis: being 6? psh Jimmy: when he were 6 he were down a mine, DUH Janis: and that's why you're short Janis: got it Jimmy: and that's why I've gotta wear 👠 Janis: Alright, you can borrow a pair Janis: don't beg Jimmy: soz that I wanna be a slag for Jesus Jimmy: his foot fetish is well known, gotta go above and beyond 🏆 Janis: 😂 Janis: slags4jesus is the name of the women's group she runs so Janis: fit right in Jimmy: sign me up Janis: 'course Janis: really, you just try to one up each other with the best 🍰s and who the father LOVES more Janis: well like the gals, so easy Jimmy: well in, I'll do a 🥧 Jimmy: cut my 👶🦷 on crusts 🍺s and 🥔s Janis: down the mines, I remember Janis: she LOVES a sob story Janis: obvs, the bible is one big 😭😱🤯 read Jimmy: that's him, my only job were being a MASSIVE letdown, obvs Jimmy: employee of the month every time Janis: even barista boy is preferrable Janis: at least you can't be a mistake, being the first, like Jimmy: still managed it 🏆🥇💪 Jimmy: middle kid's the only one they wanted, bit awkward she's a girl, like Janis: 👎 unlucky, Ian Jimmy: unlucky for me I am his Jimmy: 😒 an' all Janis: you don't need to tell me Janis: nothing more disappointing Jimmy: 🤞 for my sister she ain't Jimmy: be nowt better as a 🎄🎁 Janis: What do you mean? Jimmy: having a different dad would be #ultimategoals Janis: or something to have a complex about Janis: go find the other cunt and he's just as shit Jimmy: he'd have to go some Jimmy: or be 💀💀💀 Janis: give a bloke a chance and he'll just disappoint you Janis: 2 of my sisters have a different dad, and he's just as shit, just not dead Janis: not like your mum was hiding a 🤴 right Janis: fairytale shit Jimmy: Oi, that don't sound like you've been taking notes from Rudolf's #rideordie missus Janis: obviously you're the exception to every rule Jimmy: late but decent save, mate Janis: no point diving 'til you need to Janis: always premature, you Jimmy: not with ankles like yours Jimmy: and I were born late, ALMOST like I knew how grim it were up north Janis: shut up Janis: like I'd play goalie anyway, though they always try it 'cos I'm the tallest Janis: typical you too, awkward Jimmy: not enough 👏👏🌹 for you, I get it Janis: just boring Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you know, you're a lad Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Jimmy: SUCH a lad, me Janis: just an observation but take it as 👏👏🌹 if you're hard up for it Jimmy: tah Jimmy: not having 💀👑 in my inbox is a real blow to my big head Janis: if her dad ever lets her out again Janis: hit you up to 💔 me hard, I'm sure Jimmy: I'll have the 🥀 ready Janis: if that's a metaphor for your inability to get it up for her, get Jimmy back, Bill, trying to talk here Jimmy: 😏 Janis: can you even imagine Janis: have more fun with a cheese grater, seriously Jimmy: 💰 on Asia's dad being a right good time Janis: yeah, well you 💘 her Janis: got to have got that sparkling wit from somewhere Jimmy: hang on, these reindeer are proper starcrossed Jimmy: behind bars and all sorts Jimmy: 📝 Janis: despite what Mia reckons, don't think her daddy can jail us for this Janis: have to go a bit harder Jimmy: count me in Jimmy: reckon I'm gonna have to go a bit harder to get Ian's feet out from under the table here an' all Janis: 👍 Janis: sooner the better Janis: festivities are doing my head in Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: if Sharon gets namedropped any more than he has done, I'll be 🍽 for her tomorrow Janis: ew Janis: Sharon, you not got a family of your own? Janis: someone we can call, like Jimmy: sounds like she's got kids she'd be bringing Janis: 😬 Janis: that's hell Jimmy: 🤞 he's all 🗨 and ain't gonna risk showing her what his happy family's like Janis: nothing better than a 'best behaviour' christmas Jimmy: I dunno, today's gonna win some 🏆🏆🏆 Janis: you're loving rudolph and your #ladsladslads time, don't lie Jimmy: finished that, about to go on a massive 🐕🏃 before I smack Ian Jimmy: so festive Janis: I'm pretending I'm 😴 Jimmy: top fake snores, yeah? Janis: that and hiding under the covers 'til they fuck off Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I can piss off if it'll give you away Janis: don't worry Janis: they know I ain't, as my oldest sister rudely came in and tore my blankets off me Janis: still ignore them just the same Janis: sign language you taught me is well helpful Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: still loads of time to get more lessons in before the hol is over Janis: 🙌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: least the kid will enjoy your walk Janis: and the 🐕 Janis: obvs Jimmy: 😒🚬 and 😎🖍 Jimmy: 🐕💔 'cause you ain't here Janis: 😏 Janis: tell her it's mutual Jimmy: tell her yourself, you ain't mute Jimmy: 🗨💌 Janis: am too Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: should've said you lost your voice last night Jimmy: what could be more #goals or a better alibi for not grassing up 💀👑 Janis: should've had this 🥇💡 last night Janis: idc, she knew it was us, it was obvious, half the point Jimmy: talk to me then Janis: I am Jimmy: 👂? Janis: oh, I get it Janis: you wanna chat so you look 😎 too Janis: yeah, alright Jimmy: the health of your vocal cords is well important to me and my nursing kink Jimmy: nowt else Janis: practice makes perfect Janis: go ahead, least then I can pretend this is a private conversation Jimmy: [sings her a song from the Rudolf film like hey] Janis: [dramatic late 90s slow jam that it is lmao, how could you not lol] Jimmy: [Bobby may be deaf but the other peeps out and about aren't so I'm loling, oh jimothy] Janis: [just like, have you considered going on whatever x factor equivalent is a thing now] Jimmy: [talking about how much their fans would love that and they'd be starcrossed af while he's doing it] Janis: ['dedicate every performance to me, pretend I'm dying in some hospital somewhere, miraculous recovery for the finale'] Jimmy: ['be a top plot twist when you kill me'] Janis: ['press'll have a field day'] Jimmy: ['Ian'll be chuffed to bits' because we know his mum's disappearance got some attention locally hens] Janis: ['lives for attention too, yeah?'] Jimmy: ['you'd be a great match, you're right'] Janis: ['you'll have to introduce me'] Jimmy: ['come round tomorrow, more the merrier, clearly' thank god I'm not actually gonna make you spend it with Ian's gf though] Janis: ['just tell the kid he's got to be a dick, not all cute and friendly, she won't wanna come back'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll get him practicing, have him kick this dog or something'] Janis: [noise equivalent of an eyeroll] Jimmy: ['what were that?' as if we don't know] Janis: ['you're a dickhead' but a light tone we're not fuming lol] Jimmy: [say it back but likewise not in a fuming way] Janis: ['any fans out?'] Jimmy: [sending pisstakey pics of people who definitely aren't fans that she won't see til this phone call ends to make her lol 'nowt we could go where there wouldn't be' like we're SO popular which is another pisstake but honestly where's the lie] Janis: ['true, even the sheep rate us'] Jimmy: ['first class representation'll do that' because that sheep costume was great and we all know it] Janis: ['good times' not even lying] Jimmy: ['the lad'll be heartbroken you ain't here an' all if he wants to craft in a bit' because also true] Janis: ['he don't need my help, or yours' lil art hoe but we sad 'cos bored and fuming about xmas lol] Jimmy: [noise equivalent of like mhmm without being that cos he's not one of the gals, when you open your mouth to say I need you though after that but obvs can't and don't] Janis: ['you twirling the cord 'round your finger?' like he is one of those gals] Jimmy: ['might be'] Janis: ['alright, tease' 😏] Jimmy: [a noise like he's so OTT offended like call me a slag or anything else but not that] Janis: ['soz, but if the secretarial role and blank expression fits, babe'] Jimmy: ['I ain't trying to be my dad's type, you want Mia on your other line, babes'] Janis: [a noise like ew, okay, this is weird 'I'll stop'] Jimmy: ['stop what?' like we're playing but really we're like don't stop talking to me ILY] Janis: ['you shouldn't have provided such a compelling narrative, but her in my inbox is enough, if I have to HEAR her attempt at a Southside accent, like you're not from here as well Mia'] Jimmy: [a noise because we sincerely and genuinely hate her so much] Janis: ['caveman works better, who's type is that but mine, obvs'] Jimmy: ['hang on, I'll do a twitter poll'] Janis: ['you're meant to be having a day off' the affection in our voice] Jimmy: ['I don't want one' true but we'll pretend it's fake if we have to] Janis: ['junkie' and a jokey tut] Jimmy: ['that's every dickhead I ain't made a latte for all day'] Janis: ['the shakes are real, Gracie's fucked her steady hand, like'] Jimmy: ['explains the shit make up' harsh sir] Janis: [lols but gasps like we're so SHOOK hunz 'you that wanted the makeover earlier, like'] Jimmy: ['never said I could do any better'] Janis: ['you don't need any, bastard'] Jimmy: ['neither do you, no need to mard at me' again where's the lie] Janis: ['I ain't, but I can see why they obsess over you, don't know whether to punch you or fuck you'] Jimmy: [a lol] Janis: ['choice is made easy with me by how straight they are, especially Mia and Ella' like lofuckingl hen] Jimmy: [a bigger lol] Janis: [silently 😍] Jimmy: ['if you wanna do the full face of silver again, won't mard at you' cos what a look tbh] Janis: [hmms like we're pondering 'how many hickeys do you still have?' adds 'that'll be on show' quieter, because we know and we remembering 'if it's not a lot, a red lip might be a fair shout to show how much we're sinning'] Jimmy: [lost in our thoughts being distracted af for a while there because we already missed the bae but now we MISS her as well 'not as many as you' isn't even true but 1. we're competitive  and 2. we're shamelessly asking for more here like it isn't christmas eve and we aren't starcrossed rn] Janis: ['can't have that...' also distracted, obvs 'he'll be going to sleep well early, yeah? so santa comes sooner' 'cos I do remember going to bed earlier like the sooner you're asleep the sooner he'll be here 'could do something more fun than singing hymns before, maybe'] Jimmy: ['he's got the tracker but if nowt else I'll cause a sugar crash' because kids all do be tracking Santa now on an app like gotta get to bed before he flies over your area lol but jimothy is like you WILL go to bed early Bobert because he already wants to get away 'reckon I could pick you up without causing an actual one though' because not above stealing Ian's car and abandoning it somewhere on christmas eve, it's very deserved] Janis: [makes an ugh noise, like don't even with that bloody tracker lmao 'but I can walk now' 'cos just assuming that's what he means, as per] Jimmy: ['but Ian deserves to more than you' because he does and how funny is that as a visual him trying to find his car, sucks to suck sir 'he might like the middle of nowt, move us there an' all'] imagine the next door neighbour cliche haha] Janis: [catching on like lol, alright 'never mind wifeswap, houseswap it is'] Jimmy: ['pick him a sheep, give it a blonde dye job, name it Sharon, paradise for him, that'] Janis: [just like ewwww] Jimmy: ['alright, I hear you, no farmyard threesomes at my housewarming' don't worry bae, won't fuck a sheep lol] Janis: ['I'm just thinking about how I look like a sheep with a blonde dye job' pouty voice] Jimmy: ['shut up' like NO YOU DON'T 'you look-' remembering that we can't just out ourselves 'fit, mysterious and obvs, most importantly, goals'] Janis: ['you would say that' like sheep shagger lol] Jimmy: ['never even seen a sheep before that nativity bollocks, me' oh manchester never been there but I have heard you are shit] Janis: ['I forgot you ain't moors and dales Northern'] Jimmy: [an OTT how dare you kinda noise like you should remember everything about me] Janis: ['I know, I know, gotta study for the next Q&A'] Jimmy: ['gotta go cry my eyes out'] Janis: ['shh, baby' 😏 'twix will comfort you'] Jimmy: ['does look a bit like a sheep, her'] Janis: ['you are an animal'] Jimmy: [a pisstakey grr or whatever which everyone out and about will enjoy I'm sure] Janis: ['do that again' like you're SO into it but we're obvs loling] Jimmy: [does though because no shame] Janis: ['perks of a deaf brother is he has no idea how embarrassing you are, I get it now'] Jimmy: ['not saying I deafened him cos my sister hates me or owt but'] Janis: [gasps like OMG and does the eastenders duff duffs] Jimmy: [loling again because we're just having a lovely time with the bae] Janis: ['so on brand for you' like you did cripple me 'what are you gonna try tonight, like' like how you gonna injure me again but it just sounds saucy] Jimmy: ['I'll think of something' cos we're thinking all the saucy things now] Janis: ['I believe in you'] Jimmy: ['more than that other dickhead' yeah we do mean santa lol] Janis: ['no need to be jealous, he was a right let down for us all'] Jimmy: ['I ain't, my lap's never been a letdown for you'] Janis: [just a noise so then we're like 'shut up' but soft 'cos we're embarrassed] Jimmy: [telling her to do it again like she did but not in a pisstakey manner at all this time] Janis: ['you should be here, then you could make me make whatever sounds you wanted'] Jimmy: ['in a bit' but with way more feeling than it suggests, like that's a promise honey] Janis: ['good' likewise, practically a sigh of relief at the prospect] Jimmy: [a sigh from him in return but because he wishes it was now] Janis: ['I-' and whatever we were gonna say is not gonna be said '-I've gotta go, I think' tbf the fam are probably being annoying so go moodily sit on your phone] Jimmy: ['you-' likewise we're not finishing that sentence 'should piss off then' but soft because we're not annoyed we're just forlorn] Janis: good chat 💪🏆 Jimmy: [sending her even more hilarious 'fan' pics because we gotta do something to cheer us] Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: when ain't that flasher looking bloke in my DMs, honestly 😂 Jimmy: #same Jimmy: if you were after a threesome, he's the one Janis: we don't need to spice it up Janis: we proved that Jimmy: won't bother asking him if he needs a lift in a bit then Janis: just saying, 💀👑 literally threatened to tell my ma on me Janis: like go ahead, I don't wanna fuck her so Jimmy: your mum might be after a bit of gossip about what a cheating slag 💀👑 is Jimmy: SUCH a bad influence for Gracie, that Janis: sadly not that kind of Sharon Janis: though she already hates her 'cos who don't Jimmy: chuffed for her that she ain't in the running to 💍 Ian Janis: we only PRETEND you're my hot step-brother sometimes Janis: don't ruin the fantasy, guys Jimmy: they've got form for not being seen again, and the orphan at 🎄 bollocks is a bit too cliche even for you, my dear Janis: fine Janis: at least take my sister then Janis: ffs Ian Jimmy: which one? Janis: oldest one Janis: I don't want you to meet her Jimmy: knowing him he could go through 'em all before new year's Janis: ones already dead so it's only 3 Janis: easy Jimmy: there you go then Janis: IOU Jimmy: 💀💀💀 me before new year's and we're even Janis: Promise Jimmy: and have a 💭 where we should leave his car Janis: I know a place Jimmy: I knew you would Janis: I am half criminal Janis: his stereotype is correct Jimmy: me an' all, he just ain't been caught for owt Jimmy: that #whiteprivilege Janis: 'cept the arse slapping Janis: but I ask you, is it SUCH a crime to tell a woman to smile more? Jimmy: slap on the wrist then though, bit poetic Janis: bit kinky Janis: frankly, he was into it Jimmy: 'course Janis: does depend though Janis: do you want his car left alone or do you want it burnt out Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: one you should answer Jimmy: depends if chauffeuring you about is gonna become a regular thing, more like Janis: if I was bothered about that, I'd just date a 17 year old Janis: there's 2 real options, or 3 Jimmy: it's 45 + or nowt for you, Janet, every dickhead knows that Janis: exactly, got those lifts on tap Jimmy: probably shouldn't make my sister that easy prey for Lucas and his mates, the rivalry would be knackering Jimmy: my fake age's already getting a bit old for him 💔 Janis: then there's 2 options Janis: we can put it in a ditch Janis: that might result in a bit more damage, but it might also make him think someone else nicked it? idk Janis: or we can just put it in a field by mine, less damage but it'll be more obvious it were you, if that's what you want Jimmy: I don't reckon he'll pack up and move just 'cause there's dickhead car thieves about Janis: more obvious the better Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just don't crash on your way over Jimmy: I won't have had chance to get pissed, it's alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥛 out for 🎅 not Ian's precious 🥃 OBVS Janis: very wholesome Janis: nothing to do with how depleted his stock is Jimmy: 😏 Janis: imagine how wrecked 🎅 would be by the end of the night Jimmy: bit like you last night is what I 💭 Janis: You had the outfit Janis: uncanny, some would say Jimmy: alright, enjoy your 💭💕 Janis: shut up Janis: if I was that pissed, wouldn't even remember it so there Jimmy: it were an unforgettable outfit Jimmy: and you've got loads of 📷 Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll go 👀 then Jimmy: go on Janis: don't distract me Jimmy: why not? Janis: because Jimmy: ? Janis: I already want to see you Janis: don't make it worse Jimmy: you won't if you forget about me 👻💔 Janis: that's only the plan for when you've fucked off Janis: or if we end this before then Jimmy: getting Lucas to comfort you in detention, yeah I've heard Janis: just inevitable, that Jimmy: just that #fated Janis: like you said, he strikes when 💔 Janis: #grooming101 Jimmy: it's a 😭 shame the Sharons all are too old for him Janis: biggest difference between him and his bezzie mate Ian, obvs Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: they work around it Janis: so solid Jimmy: OBVS where I get my work ethic from Janis: must be Janis: we'll be nice and not call it an addiction Jimmy: keep you on that list until after 🎅's pissed off Janis: BABE 😤 Janis: I'm ALWAYS nice to you Jimmy: never said you weren't Jimmy: and wouldn't in case you kick off, proper nightmare, you Janis: 😭😭😭 OMG Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: the real #goals Jimmy: 🔪or ✂👅 Janis: ✂ would be satisfying Jimmy: bit rude that we're PRETENDING my 👅 isn't Jimmy: but alright, from 💀👑's SUPER straight POV, I get it Jimmy: closed mouth 💋🐸 Janis: if she's not gonna blow you, you aren't allowed to go down on her Janis: s'like, the rules Jimmy: #daddyperks Janis: only man big enough to trigger her gag reflex Janis: how romantic Jimmy: 💕 Janis: 😬 feel sick myself Jimmy: you said you wanted turning off Jimmy: job done Janis: not exactly what I said, bighead Jimmy: shh Janis: or what Jimmy: you know what Jimmy: we'll be back at square 1 Janis: fine Jimmy: is it? Janis: 😇 Jimmy: wings did suit you Janis: got some weird looks bringing them back on the bus Jimmy: surprised you didn't 🔥 knowing what you're like Janis: should've Janis: they aren't actually mine but dunno why I let that stop me Jimmy: whose are they? Jimmy: 🤞 for your gay brother tbh Janis: he isn't the camp cliche Janis: thankfully Janis: but my mum is weird so swings and roundabouts Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll be the camp cliche your family is missing Janis: thanks Janis: just what I needed a fake boyfriend for tbh Jimmy: duh Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi, don't 🙄 @ me Janis: 🙄🙄🙄🙄 Janis: it's @ the 🌍 Jimmy: nice try on the 😇 for that sec Janis: it's not in my nature Janis: believe it or not Jimmy: that'll why it were such a good costume Janis: Rude Jimmy: it's a compliment, dickhead Jimmy: take it Janis: that I'm a right bitch, yeah, tah Jimmy: that weren't what I said Jimmy: nowt but 😈's getting me out of here Janis: works for you Jimmy: and what, me needing a hand off you does nowt for you all of a sudden? Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: what then? Janis: just reminds me I'm here for the foreseeable Jimmy: I'll shove you in my bag, SO flexible, you, I've heard Janis: and you're so funny Jimmy: you ain't heard that anywhere about Janis: you gutted they're not gossiping about your fit personality Janis: poor baby Jimmy: sounds about right Jimmy: 💔 these dickheads don't know everything about me Jimmy: all I want for 🎄 that Janis: it's great fun Janis: really recommend Jimmy: 👍 10/10 5⭐s Jimmy: you're alright, I've been there, done it Jimmy: bought the 😎 Janis: dunno why you want to go back Jimmy: never said I did Janis: yeah but Janis: don't you Jimmy: for what? Janis: same reason you wanna leave Jimmy: never said that either Janis: everywhere's the same Janis: why does it matter that you piss off Jimmy: it don't matter to me Janis: alright Janis: I get it Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: don't be a douche Jimmy: how am I? Janis: just no need to be condescending Jimmy: I weren't Janis: 👍 Jimmy: you get it, that's not nowt when I'm shit with words Jimmy: take your 🏆 Janis: should've been more obvious Janis: all you care about is your brother and sister Jimmy: don't @ my manager, tah Janis: 🤐 Janis: coffee IS your passion Jimmy: ☕💕 Janis: top 🥉barista boy Jimmy: *🥇 Janis: I put you on the podium, don't push it Jimmy: I'll push you off yours if you're gonna be a dickhead Janis: *pedestal Janis: we can confirm 🥈 alright Jimmy: steady on 🤓 Jimmy: and yeah, you can give yourself 🥈 often as you like Janis: you won't be invited to 👀 Jimmy: don't need an invite when I've got a long lens, babe Janis: 😡 just FYI Jimmy: 👀📷 Jimmy: FYI my 🐕 might look a bit like you but she's a shit muse Janis: 1. so complimentary today, definitely posting all these animal comparisons to the 'gram 2. never work with 🐕, 👶 or 👶🐕 Jimmy: I could do better but you told me you couldn't hack it Janis: no I never Jimmy: don't make it worse, you said Janis: fine, do Jimmy: [a 🔥🔥 sext that's full of compliments because she asked for it] Janis: okay Janis: you're Jimmy: I wanna see you an' all Janis: I can't stop thinking about you today Jimmy: it'll chuck the outfit back on if that were it Janis: not just that Janis: but it was a bonus Jimmy: what else? Janis: just Janis: you were fun Janis: and hot Janis: I don't know Jimmy: Oi, am I not ALWAYS? Janis: shh, you know what I mean Janis: I want to see you especially hard today Jimmy: I'm just taking the piss, you're alright Jimmy: I get it Janis: you better Janis: or I will have to make sure you feel it Jimmy: I already do feel it but that ain't a no Jimmy: on owt you wanna make me do Janis: that's a 💡💭 Jimmy: go on Janis: I keep thinking Janis: we could make use of the car Janis: 📸 some more evidence for you Jimmy: you're impressive Janis: I selfishly just want to, but if we can make it useful we do, that's the rules, yeah? Jimmy: yeah Janis: but you can call me impressive all you like Jimmy: you can earn it however you like Janis: fuck Janis: why are you the only lad that's interesting Jimmy: why do you want other lads to be interesting? Janis: I don't Janis: I didn't think you would be Jimmy: rude Janis: 'cos you thought I would be Jimmy: I wouldn't have picked you if I didn't Janis: I've got eyes, not saying that Janis: it's Janis: I didn't expect this, obviously Jimmy: fit AND mysterious, that means I were interested Janis: reasons there's gay rumours, I guess Jimmy: I don't care what the dickheads at school think, I'm telling you what I reckoned Janis: I'm glad you picked me Janis: for loads of reasons Jimmy: me an' all Janis: I didn't disappoint then? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: you make it very hard to beg for validation, you know 😏 Jimmy: you make it well easy to beg for all sorts Janis: I wanna hear Janis: I really want that Jimmy: alright but I'm not saying it in front of all your sisters and nans Janis: well that ain't what I want either, oddly enough Jimmy: go to whatever hiding place your mum ain't stashed 🎁🎁 Janis: we always find places to be alone Jimmy: impressive, I said it Janis: I don't disagree Jimmy: good, 'cause it'd only be for the sake of Janis: I'm being nice Janis: I want to be, to you, anyway Jimmy: I don't disagree with that either Jimmy: you're being so Janis: you've earnt it Janis: today would be more shit if you weren't about to talk to so Jimmy: I don't need to go on about how #relatable that is when there's loads more you wanna hear me say but Janis: rude of me when you're not much of a talker Janis: like it when you do though Jimmy: [call her up again this time to talk her ear off in a saucy manner boy] Janis: [into it honey] Jimmy: [we know what #mood you are both very much in rn and where that's heading lol] Janis: [I hope you hear Ian, not in a weird way but fuck you lol] Jimmy: [agreed also not in a weird way] Janis: [start as we mean to go on, and we're fucking you over sir] Jimmy: [not soz because you're literally one of the worst parents we have and that's saying something] Janis: [you do deserve it, even if this doesn't produce the effect you want Jimothy, not soz about that either though] Jimmy: [am very soz you're gonna get hurt but not soz you're staying here with your bae forever] Janis: [yeah that's not nice, we are running awayawayay] Jimmy: [and taking all our faves with us, unlucky Mia] Janis: [we can skip now we've made you pine though?] Jimmy: [yeah we know the vibe is that you're hating life until you can be together and your fams would be keeping you at least a bit busy] Janis: what you wearing if not the costume? Janis: I'm 🤔 Jimmy: what do you want me to? Janis: I'm thinking not church respectable but without being the costumes, you know Janis: festive hoe hoe hoe lite Janis: that's the VIBE babe Jimmy: [sends her options with him doing pisstakey impressions of how the gals pose] Jimmy: ? Janis: YOU LOOK STUNNING, YOU HAVE TO UPLOAD THESE ALL! Janis: but [an option, I'll show you what I'm going with for her and then you can pick whatever you want lol] is good Jimmy: [does upload them all cos no shame] Janis: [so many pisstakey hype comments like 😍😍😍 like we're not lying but we being like the #gals] Jimmy: [just having a lovely time via socials, sucks to suck Mia cos we know you're in the shit hun] Janis: [i'd feel bad if you weren't awful, you need calming down frankly madam] Jimmy: Where we going? Janis: pub, of course Janis: xmas eve pub crawl is tradition Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: that alright? Jimmy: it's what that pisshead 🎅 would want us to do Janis: RIP 'til next year Janis: if you make it Jimmy: you promised to 💀💀💀 me before new year's so if I'm still about that'll be your fault Janis: I'm talking about pisshead 🎅 Janis: he's already 🥴 Jimmy: [sends her a screenshot of this tracker showing wherever he is] Janis: love it Janis: need one for you Janis: #amiriteladiez Jimmy: if it means I don't get lost on the way to yours, crack on Janis: strap a satnav to you Jimmy: need a big strap to go round my head Janis: massive Janis: one of those resistance bands Jimmy: if them athlete rumours weren't bollocks you'll be able to sort that piss easy Janis: can't wait to twang you 'round the face with it Jimmy: 😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: on the same page, us, as per Janis: speaking of Janis: want a preview of what I've decided on for 🙌🙏 or you want a surprise? Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Janis: fair warning, it's no angel look, I don't need to be 🌩 down before you can 🔪 Jimmy: I were gonna ask if my 👴💘 were gonna give out but that answers that Janis: soz, not yet Janis: disappointing now Jimmy: nah, hot priest's jaw'll still be on the floor and your shit nan'll still be 💔 Janis: [this glittery 70s moment] Janis: it's festive but it DOES not honour God so yeah Janis: 😳 and 😡 respectively Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: might have to ✎ you for today's 🎨 'cause that's Jimmy: #art Janis: I've even got a discoball to shine in his 👀 when he's trying to read Jimmy: thought of everything, you Janis: well Janis: had to do something to occupy my 🕠 Janis: couldn't keep bothering you ALL day, not very 😇 Jimmy: gonna have to do something to pull my weight Jimmy: not very goals of me to leave this all to you Janis: trust me, just showing up is enough Jimmy: for them, not you Janis: you know what I want Janis: so it is enough for me too Jimmy: alright Janis: you're gonna steal and not crash your dad's car Janis: that's impressive Jimmy: 🍒 for you Jimmy: had no chance to test out my gag reflex so Janis: you know how to drive though Jimmy: yeah Janis: good Janis: not being held responsible for vehicular manslaughter Jimmy: you can leave out the 🤓 words, I ain't letting nowt happen to you Janis: more concerned about you Janis: just don't use me as an alibi, I know nothing about this plan 😶 Jimmy: ah the Sharon defense Jimmy: 👍 Janis: your white privilege, you'll be fine Jimmy: Lucas is gonna be SO into you Janis: yeah, need that throwback Jimmy: he does, to when you were years younger Janis: 🤞 for his christmas wish Jimmy: tell me if it worked and I'm fake dating a 12 year old Jimmy: 🤞 you'd be as obvs as Tom Hanks in that film and I'd know but Janis: 🤞 you wouldn't be as down as the woman in that Jimmy: chuffed to bits, her Jimmy: if I ever seem that excited to see you it's 🔪🪓🔧🔨 Janis: obviously Janis: nothing but a deathwish here Jimmy: 🐑🚗 Janis: stop calling me a sheep dickhead Jimmy: it were you who said it Janis: you're repeating it Jimmy: I were just saying you might wanna brace yourself to scrape your mates off my windscreen if them dickheads are owt like you Janis: they're stupid so yeah Janis: farmer's got guns though and that's not how I wanted to go Jimmy: BABE don't call yourself thick OMG Janis: 🙄 Janis: that's the rest of my family Janis: I'm Shaun Jimmy: jumper did suit you Janis: tah Jimmy: can't rate it as high as the wings or silver face but Janis: can accept the 🥉 Jimmy: might have to be chucked off the podium for today's outfit 💔🎻 Janis: but...we matched, babe 😭 Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Jimmy: IDK WHAT TO DO Janis: perils of turning too many lewks Jimmy: so rude of you Janis: maybe I'll make it up to you Jimmy: taking it off won't effect the rankings, Jules Janis: are you sure about that 🤔 Jimmy: you've got your own scale, girl Janis: do I Jimmy: yeah Janis: go on then Janis: don't leave me hanging Jimmy: I never said you were having it Janis: rude Jimmy: you're rude, stop trying to make me 😳 dickhead Janis: 😏 Janis: but it's cute Jimmy: it'll clash with my outfit, duh Janis: red cheeks go well with a red nose Jimmy: piss off, ain't even had a drink yet Janis: plenty of time to remedy that Jimmy: how long's it gonna take me to get to the middle of nowt for you? Janis: not that long in a car Janis: it's only that long on the bus 'cos of all the stops Jimmy: crack on doing your face red for church then 😈 Jimmy: take you ages that will Janis: oi Janis: so rude and so hypocritical Jimmy: you can do mine an' all Jimmy: know how you feel about 🍓👃s like Janis: can do Janis: since you're so against 😳 Jimmy: let a lad be mysterious Janis: you're gonna be Janis: only gracie has heard about you so Jimmy: know she rates me and my ☕🎨 Janis: hardly a 🏆 that Jimmy: I don't want any 🏆 from her, tah Jimmy: weren't like I accidentally picked the wrong twin out 'cause you look SO alike Janis: yeah I'll remember you 💬 that when you try and 💬 otherwise later Jimmy: you gonna smack me in the head til I'm 🧠💀💀💀 in a bit ? FINALLY Janis: you haven't got a brother I'm interested in so nah Janis: soz Jimmy: might do somewhere, don't be too 💔😭🎻 yet Janis: keep you having the odd 💡💭 'til that's #confirmed Jimmy: 👍 Janis: start the family tree, like Jimmy: weren't what I were gonna draw for you but alright Janis: if I have any more pictures of myself, people other than you might catch on to the big head thing Jimmy: I get it, you want a picture of me Jimmy: very subtle Janis: 😏 Jimmy: dunno if I've got a big enough piece of paper tbh Janis: s'what I tell EVERYONE Jimmy: love a Q&A you do Janis: *the fans Jimmy: *you Janis: lies and slander Jimmy: I keep telling you #notallsantas Jimmy: he's a lying pisstaking bastard but ME, nah Janis: 👌👌 Janis: believe in you when I 👀 you Jimmy: I've got the 🔑s, you'll be seeing me in a bit Janis: 🏆 Janis: be waiting Jimmy: Where? Jimmy: I can't pull up and let them all 👀 me Janis: pull up in my neighbours drive instead Janis: I'll be there Janis: [location] Jimmy: be able to spot your ✨ even with my 👴👀 Janis: 'course Janis: try not to blind you with my #shine Jimmy: 🌟 x as high as a northerner can count, you Janis: oh you Janis: 💖 Jimmy: don't be too chuffed that's only about 🌟🌟🌟 Janis: 💔 just as fast Janis: whatever will I do Jimmy: forgive me, obvs Janis: not your fault you're thick Jimmy: and I don't reckon Lucas' priority is improving my literacy, call me dead cynical Janis: wouldn't bet on it, personally Janis: but don't need to bet on this lot dobbing me in so we're 👍 Janis: might even get a cuppa, if I'm lucky Jimmy: if I were gonna call you a slag, it'd be now, with my jealousy 🗨 Janis: 😂 Janis: unlucky, boy Jimmy: 😒😒😒😒😒😒 Janis: shoulda got yourself a travel cup Jimmy: if I'd let the group chat know what we were up to they'd have reminded us Janis: SO helpful Janis: beside, not actually gonna go in Janis: be a bit awkward Jimmy: they've probably got pjs on, I get it Jimmy: too fit and mysterious, you Janis: just don't reckon showing up to your former childhood mates house unannounced is the one Janis: especially dressed like this much of a twat Jimmy: NOW I get it, you're 😍 Jimmy: would be awkward, that Janis: exactly Janis: not like I ain't spoke to 'em in years Jimmy: 😍 and 😳 Jimmy: this were the rom com all along Janis: obviously Janis: my sister did it first so ❌ unoriginal Jimmy: you're welcome for the nudge, mate Janis: SO funny Janis: hurry up and drive, dickhead Jimmy: don't 🥶 my dear Jimmy: there's loads more fun ways for your stubbornness to get you killed Janis: come show me Jimmy: [a picture of whatever shows the speed you're driving for cars of this era like okay we are going as fast as we can] Jimmy: no luck on the 👮🚔 escort, must've pissed off the lads by spending all my time with you Janis: I get it Janis: I miss you too Jimmy: it feels like ages Janis: yeah Janis: just a hectic day init Jimmy: *shit day Janis: that too Jimmy: Oi, you're my ☀ Jimmy: you're supposed to say some bollocks like when this is over we can just Janis: we can do whatever we want Jimmy: what about the 🐕s and ☕s? Janis: apart from that Janis: and school Janis: and the shit we have to do for the fans Janis: called a silverlining, alright, not the whole fucking cloud Jimmy: gonna run out of paper there yourself, all them bulletpoints Janis: not an actual 👼 or other type of miracle worker Jimmy: 😱😱 YOU WHAT? 💔 Janis: never said I was Janis: just a good costume 😈 Jimmy: never acted like you were either, I remember that much Janis: you weren't complaining Jimmy: you do make it hard to 🗨 Janis: you promised you would though Jimmy: I will Jimmy: 🏆💪🥇 me Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: whatever we want, you said Janis: yeah Janis: I did Jimmy: I wanna keep my promises Janis: okay Janis: I want it too Jimmy: alright then Janis: 🕠 Jimmy: if it weren't your night off you could tell it to the fans Jimmy: shot yourself in the good ankle there, Jean Janis: I'll have to patiently wait instead Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Janis: 😲 Janis: watch me Jimmy: on you go Janis: no, on YOU go Janis: I'm staying put Jimmy: press record so I can 👀🍿 you try to wait Jimmy: be a right 😂 Janis: 😣 Janis: not laughing when I was having tea and you weren't Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: it ain't my fault you're struggling already though Janis: Shh, I am not Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: I'm not that easy to break, thank you Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: like you're a 🐴 and I'm some rich lass Janis: another animal comparison Janis: making me miss you less by the second tbh Jimmy: one I'd be fine with 🍆📏✔ so alright, you can be the 💰💰 Janis: 😂 Janis: you might be fine, I'd have serious internal injuries Jimmy: UGH okay, just the tip Jimmy: if that's really not how you wanna go Janis: how Bill really wanted to end Romeo and Juliet but you know Janis: he was already 💀 Jimmy: bloody censorship Janis: what's worse, bestiality or necrophilia? Jimmy: if you wanna keep your job, probably get down the cemetery Janis: you brought it up, horsecock Janis: not taking the blame Jimmy: you asked, there's your answer Janis: FINE Janis: get Bill back on the line Jimmy: he's biased, he wants you to fuck his corpse Janis: does explicitly state otherwise on his tombstone Jimmy: I know what I've heard from his 👻 Janis: awh, he talks about me Jimmy: never shuts up Jimmy: oh hang on, he wants you to fuck MY corpse Jimmy: 👻📞 problems Janis: interesting Janis: how either way, he wants me to fuck you Jimmy: his mind Janis: 🌌🧠 Jimmy: all the 🏆👏🌹 Janis: yeah, had to read some of his shit every year since we were like 10 Janis: we 👏 get 👏 it 👏 bill 👏 Jimmy: brb gotta ™ a 👶📖 called That's Not My Bard before some other dickhead does Janis: 🤑💰💰💰💰🤑 Jimmy: now you're impatiently waiting Jimmy: job done Janis: LOVE when you call me a gold digger Jimmy: you'd be a shit one Jimmy: don't make THAT much in tips Janis: not my goal Jimmy: no shit, you'd be on Mia's daddy if it were Janis: yeah Janis: or our neighbours dad Jimmy: or Ella's judging by her house Janis: exactly Jimmy: I'll @ 'em all when I ain't driving and can write a longer brag Janis: or application to be their sidepiece Janis: 👀 you Jimmy: #bitofrough 😘 Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on, you know you're my fave job Janis: piss off Jimmy: baby Janis: shh Janis: focus on your driving, asshole Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👋 Jimmy: [show up when it's been long enough sir] Janis: [get out of these people's drive tah girl, probably think you hoeing or something] Jimmy: [that isn't a rumour we need, turn the heating up boy she'll be cold after standing about] Janis: [been as stealth as poss. I hope] Jimmy: [also please don't crash the car cos you're 👀ing at her we don't need that either] Janis: ['you wanna abandon it now or later?' like are you gonna drunk drive or what 'cos obviously we're going out] Jimmy: ['where are we starting the pub crawl?' cos obvs don't wanna have to walk for miles and miles] Janis: ['there's enough 'round here to do one' shrug like up to you] Jimmy: [a nod like alright then we'll stick around here] Janis: [put feet on the dash like I'm warming up first though] Jimmy: [puts christmas songs on like I know you wanna hear these cos it's been a whole second since either of us have been forced to] Janis: [Ughs IRL Jimmy: [finds something less festive and annoying] Janis: ['kid go to sleep?'] Jimmy: [another nod but a face that expresses what fun and games it was to get him to] Janis: ['Libi ain't' 'cos she and mcvickers are probably sleeping over] Jimmy: ['he'll be gutted when he finds that out'] Janis: [mimes 💔 'too much sugar and I told her she can catch santa in the act so they're gonna have to try hard to fool her tonight'] Jimmy: [😏 cos we approve] Janis: [shrugs 'if I've gotta go to midnight mass, fuck their night too, yeah'] Jimmy: [a nudge like excuse you I'm going too so you'll have loads of fun because we do remember earlier when she called him fun and hot] Janis: [nudging him back like what? 'I get to ruin your night too 'cos I'm helping with the car' gestures like duh] Jimmy: ['ruin it then' how suggestive sir] Janis: [a kinda half LOOK 'cos obvs wanna but we're mad at you so can't yet] Jimmy: [a look like ? because we know that's not a full LOOK] Janis: [turns back to the xmas tunes like there you go] Jimmy: [turns them off fully because what's wrong please tell us] Janis: ['rude to Mariah' 'cos when is it not that song lol] Jimmy: ['she'll live' cos everyone else is listening to her lol] Janis: ['if she don't get that high note out, she might explode'] Jimmy: [turns it back on so she can have her moment] Janis: [just like there you go] Jimmy: [just looking at her] Janis: [own ? look] Jimmy: ['what?'] Janis: ['what do you mean 'what'?] Jimmy: [a nudge like you know what I mean] Janis: ['what?' again like, soz, not making this easy rn] Jimmy: ['I asked you first' and drawing a ? on her for emphasis] Janis: ['you didn't need to come early if you didn't want to'] Jimmy: ['I know' like obvs I did want to what are you talking about] Janis: ['a job is gonna be easier if you stick to what actually needs to be done'] Jimmy: [a noise like really this is why you're upset but we're saying 'come here'] Janis: [scowling like don't take the piss and shaking our head 'let's just go if we're going'] Jimmy: [repeating it like no seriously come here and be closer to me and look at me] Janis: ['this is stupid' 'cos we can't handle things normally and going to get out like what are you doing] Jimmy: [does get out like fine if you won't come to me I'll come to you and does so we're in her grill with eye contact 'yeah it is'] Janis: ['get out of my face' but not in an aggressive way] Jimmy: ['don't be a dickhead' likewise not in an aggressive way] Janis: ['stop saying I am' like stop acting like it's all me being stupid] Jimmy: [an exasperated noise that we can't help as is as much like I wish I was better at this than it is like an ugh against you gal 'I wanna be here'] Janis: ['clearly not now' which again is far more of, because I've fucked it up than it is a drag but there we go, again trying to walk away] Jimmy: ['don't be telling me what I want' we're not letting you go hen] Janis: ['it wasn't supposed to be another chore, and I don't want it if it is'] Jimmy: ['I've wanted to be here all day' because true, like that's the chore babe, not this] Janis: [just closing our eyes as we can't move away without pushing him rn and we aren't there yet 'you keep making me look stupid' pause 'not you, like you on purpose but this fucking...situation, I keep fucking it up'] Jimmy: ['me an' all' like I clearly upset you by being a dickhead so I'm fucking up too, it's not just you 'it's a headfuck, we've both said' cos it is and you have] Janis: ['you never come off looking as bad as I do' remembering every stupid thing we've ever said or done 'cos that bitch like wow, I look so lame, great but nods 'yeah' 'cos not disagreeing with that bit] Jimmy: ['I'll make a twat of myself now if that'll help' goes to get on the roof on this car like not even taking the piss we genuinely don't want her to feel bad] Janis: [just putting your arms out like don't slip 'cos lord knows it be icy 'I'd rather I just stopped but sure' like what is your plan tbh boy] Jimmy: [stands on this car roof and loudly recounts some scenario before they were paired up for this computer science project and he wanted to talk to her or whatever but made a twat of himself instead idk but you know the vibe and the trope haha like and this was before we were even in this situation so there you go] Janis: [just looking at him for the longest time then gesturing for him to get down like come here] Jimmy: [does obviously without falling to his death] Janis: ['truce?' and putting out you hand again because we can't and aren't outright apologizing] Jimmy: [shaking her hand because yes] Janis: [pulling him in the direction they need to go like let's get inside then] Jimmy: [get to that pub lads it's been a day for you] Janis: [first pint first pub baby] Jimmy: [you'll be downing that cos it's very much needed] Janis: [adjusting his ears when you sit down] Jimmy: [lowkey has probably forgot he has those antlers on by now so it's like oh yeah] Janis: [lil lol 'knew you loved Rudolph' like okay stan] Jimmy: [a lil lol back and we're humming the song like that's a banger] Janis: [rolls her eyes but affectionately] Jimmy: [draws whatever today's doodle is on a beer mat and then chucks it at her because #mood I like to think it's reindeer and 😳 related because duh] Janis: [just looking at it and smiling 'cos love it, do your socials gal] Jimmy: ['meant to be your night off' affectionately too like oh what are you like and pretending we're gonna chuck our phone in our pint glass but we obvs don't] Janis: [shrugs but not in a dismissive way as of earlier just like, may as well 'more #goals than a shit party'] Jimmy: [a noise like yeah that's not hard and draws the JJ love heart on the table like see, so's that] Janis: [handing him your keys like carve it so it's real, dickhead] Jimmy: [does] Janis: [snaps galore hun] Jimmy: [a look like are you gonna come here now] Janis: [likewise, does] Jimmy: [a really good kiss because what a day we've had] Janis: [get into it kids it's deserved] Jimmy: [honestly] Janis: [obviously we're getting on his lap, 'scuse us pub patrons leave it out of it, I did realise that you're in a jumpsuit so I've really limited how saucy you can be, hohaha what a cockblock, also heaven help you when you're pissed and need all the wees gal] Jimmy: [you gotta gal and he's likewise gotta make a sound because always, it's not for you pub peeps you shh, I had that same thought about the outfit being like oh no she'll be cold having to strip every time she wants to pee, they are so annoying] Janis: [we know it's v mutual, you do need to get a room tbh but at least wait a couple of pubs tah, and they truly are lmao, soz to do you like that but we're making a point with our 'fit here] Jimmy: [we'll let the tension build to an unbearable point and get a few more pints in you as we always do LOL] Janis: ['you're so-' between kisses 'cos always] Jimmy: [writes 'you' on her so he doesn't have to stop kissing to say it and going over and over the word like when he was carving the table because the most emphasis needed] Janis: [the reaction, you're welcome boy] Jimmy: [we know any reaction from her gets as good of a one back from him so you're both welcome] Janis: [these random old men and the show they're getting, soz not soz, just saying 'you' back and forth now] Jimmy: [thank god you're both 1. shameless 2. it's a pub crawl so we don't have to stay here all night 3. you don't have to go back if you don't want to because we're far too #into this] Janis: [we don't care lbr, unless any of y'all are gonna get creepy but don't need to right now] Jimmy: [cockblocked by her outfit and literally nothing else rn] Janis: [not at all frustrating, go get a second drink after a fashion] Jimmy: [doing the MOST so it's not frustrating but that's only more frustrating, oh the struggle] Janis: [clearly getting a stronger drink, like shots, to accompany the pint, that should be the minimum aim of each pub] Jimmy: [love that for you both, get wrecked before church kids] Janis: [oh lawdy shit nan is gonna be fuming, drag you in front of the congregation lolllllllll] Jimmy: [amazing] Janis: [lucky that's what we're going for and she won't for the SHAME of it all but she will be PISSED hence the new years eve dramaaaa] Jimmy: [it's a time for fucking over shitty family members and it all connects honey] Janis: [like these children need more of me and Jesus in their life hello, oh god, anyway, do these shot shot shots] Jimmy: [body shots also cockblocked by the outfit sadly but that's okay these old dudes don't need any more of a show] Janis: [yeah god damn you for wearing clothes for once guys] Jimmy: [when you live together you'll never have to and life will be glorious, hold on lads] Janis: [my boos favourite thing lol] Jimmy: [but for now drink your juice shelby] Janis: ['what did you ask santa for?' 'cos Bobby and Libi had the whole convo] Jimmy: ['to take the dog away in that sack' soz Twix 'you?'] Janis: [shakes her head like oh you 'a date, obviously' and a big sigh like we know how that went] Jimmy: [💔 mime] Janis: ['exactly' like you understand my pain, there's probably so many santa hats in here rn, dramatic shudder like the mems] Jimmy: [does some there there pats even if we have to reach idk how you're sitting now] Janis: ['there's always his elf mates' in a #gals impression 'cos very them idea] Jimmy: [never not gonna do a dramatic shudder of his own at the accuracy of that impression and then checking his phone like have they been summoned] Janis: [assumedly were all at the same party but mia and ella] Jimmy: [while he's on his phone checking in with Cass about the Bobby situation like is he still asleep and how much of a dick is Ian being] Janis: [just chill and check out what everyone else is up to 'cos you can be smug about how lame everything would be in comparison] Jimmy: [I do get why everyone is obsessed with y'all aside from the obvious of how you look cos you do make everything look fun and you always are having it] Janis: [being a teenager is just being really bored a lot of the time 'cos you can't do anything and you don't wanna be with your fam, that's the tea of it, so when you actually find someone you vibe with and have fun with, yeah, a mood] Jimmy: [mhmm, anyway get to pub 2 hens, you can 🚬 on the way cos I doubt they're next door to each other] Janis: [like I imagine there's lots of pubs but not like a street vibe where it's one after the other so do some walking deffo] Jimmy: [I vibe that because there always seems to be out in the country and it's lowkey like how do you all survive but okay] Janis: [drink driving is what people do but shh] Jimmy: [we know y'all will at some point even though you shouldn't] Janis: [remember when and everyone was mad, esp. Tess and she wasn't allowed to stay there lowkey] Jimmy: [we definitely need to bring that back because yes] Janis: [it seems more dramatic now for some reason, probably the Libi of it all?] Jimmy: [I was just about to say, because yeah it's 1100000000% that Libi exists and she's the one member of this fam that Janis fucks with rn] Janis: [bit rude to lowkey keep them apart even though we know it wouldn't be intentional but if you gonna be reckless gal] Jimmy: [we know where Tess be coming from but also where you're coming from JJ] Janis: [will be bringing that back, for sure, but let's not tonight, there's enough drama] Jimmy: [yeah there's loads of cool stuff we've done that we should bring back because I also remember another time she ran away and Jimmy and Cass went on a lil roadtrip to pick her up that was really good too] Janis: [oh I'd forgotten about that but yes, 100%, lots of stuff to consider] Jimmy: [anyways carve the JJ heart on a table in pub 2 boy because we're doing it in every one] Janis: [you simply must, #proof of this night, ty ty, saying this place is trying to do something and getting a Christmassy cocktail, why not mix your drinks lol] Jimmy: [they would and this pub would, I love that, they don't have to be good we know you'll accept the challenge and drink them regardless] Janis: [something spiced and gross down it tbh] Jimmy: [honestly it's probably milky or eggnoggy and NO THANK YOU] Janis: [eww, just like DON'T COME NEAR ME 'cos it was that gross] Jimmy: [but that ensures that he will come after you in a playful manner, probably tickling you or something, don't be sick either of you] Janis: [as if we didn't know, casual playfight of course but don't break anything ty] Jimmy: [this pub should have big jengas because they think they're doing something so you can knock someone's tower over] Janis: [dramaaaa the huns and hispters gonna be fuming at you 2] Jimmy: [but you can play if you want cos we know you're competitive] Janis: [you should, he could get 'injured' boy but not really really just in a funny way 'cos big jenga is lowkey lethal lol] Jimmy: [yeah because then she can have a turn dramatically nursing him for the lols, little do you both know he's gonna get hurt for real #foreshadowing and also they should write inspirational boss bitch huns quotes on the jenga pieces because we know he has a pen] Janis: [role reversal mood, even though that's rude, poor Jimothy, yes, make him sit with his feet up for the moment and get busy with the bants] Jimmy: [get a less disgusting drink and live your best lives for a bit] Janis: [I think you should get kicked out of the next one so yes] Jimmy: [oooooh what a mood] Janis: [as you are literally just 15 so it's not unreasonable to say some pubs and peeps clock it lol] Jimmy: [plus you're never on your best behaviour or subtle in any way lol] Janis: [exactly so you only have to piss off one person who's had it] Jimmy: [so easily done haha] Janis: [and you can exact some revenge fun so yah] Jimmy: [love that for you so much] Janis: [if we're doing 12 pubs like in Hazel's book, plenty of moods to go still] Jimmy: [definitely should and yeah we're talking about the 3rd being the one you get kicked out of so loads left] Jimmy: [you gotta hook up in the toilets of one obviously] Janis: [naturally, you're gonna need to at least mid point lol, maybe Pete could be in one with his mates n gf and you can have a little bro bonding moment that'd be cute] Janis: [karaoke obviously happens in one, probably the last though when we're drunk enough] Jimmy: [OMG yay I love Pete and you we have to start this lifelong bromance somewhere so yes that makes so much sense and I agree that karaoke is a nice way to end it because church will be a v different vibe]] Janis: [some carols are bangers but yes, on the whole haha] Jimmy: [gotta steal something either during this pub crawl or from church or both because that's your thing that you two do] Janis: [#mems so sneaky feelsy love that for you two, hmm is there anything else we can think of that we'd like to make a thing or] Jimmy: [there should be a dog at one of these pubs just chilling because that's also a you two thing] Janis: [so many pics of her with dogs in pubs, seriously lmao, so yeah] Jimmy: [sadly not in that outfit I'm sure] Janis: [we'll see if I can work something] Janis: [one should be truly bumping, like more than the others, so they can lose each other for a hot sec, you should probably both realistically get hit on some] Jimmy: [it is christmas eve it's plausible that at least some of these pubs would be packed] Janis: [it is a ting, and esp. in Ireland not to be stereotypical but it's true] Jimmy: [I hope you're not getting flirted with by any old creepy dudes gal] Janis: [simply the worst, why must they, drunk dudes of any age, god, like you can handle yourself but we're still not thrilled about it obvs, also drunk ladies tbf Jimothy, like gobby shrieky mums put him down] Jimmy: [sends her a picture of him with an ugly coloured lipstick mark on his cheek like sos] Janis: where are you Jimmy: where are you? Janis: I was near the bar, now I'm stuck behind this group of #ladsladslads from the ⚽🏀🏑🎾 shop over the road Janis: who the fuck did that to you? Jimmy: some Sharon, still waiting for my ⚽🏀🏑🎾🤴 Janis: what the fuck Janis: hang on Jimmy: look for a circle of middle aged lasses, that'll be me in the middle Janis: what are they using you like a handbag/pole for Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: hormones? Janis: didn't think the #mommyissues went both way, dirty bitches 🤢 Jimmy: dead giveaway that you've never worked in retail Jimmy: shameless all these Sharons and Karens Janis: dead giveaway they're not having lesbian midlife crises thank fuck Jimmy: ain't 👀 you yet, Judith Janis: I'm working on it, promise Jimmy: give 'em the smack I ain't allowed to Janis: I'm gonna Janis: 🥊 for a 💋 Jimmy: alright, a 💋 off me for every 🥊 sounds fair an' all Janis: yeah? Jimmy: you'll have to keep count for us Janis: [come find your man and rescue him from these thirsty laydeez, we will fight you hens, but deffo giving the ugly lipstick one a slap] Jimmy: [😍 that aren't a pisstake and obvs kissing her like he said he would] Janis: [we're actually so mad at these gals no lie, walk awayayay before it becomes too much of a thing, at least you can because that kiss would bring you back down slightly] Jimmy: [just asking her if there's any lads he needs to fight before they properly leave which you know is more cos he doesn't want anything bad to happen to her than anything else, we know the bae can handle herself] Janis: [shakes her head but this is 'cos she don't want to lose him again and we're just holding him like nope, stay with me] Jimmy: [a snuggle moment like I'm not going anywhere without you because it's not just because of being flirted with that we didn't like being away from her and we all know it] Janis: [just being couple goals showing these flirters right up, gently rubbing this lippy off him like no no] Jimmy: [putting the antlers on her like this is my bae thank you, everyone else back off, and for the shameless excuse to play with her hair always] Janis: [just pulling the nerdiest face 'not quite jail cell peril but-' like who's ride or die now, zoey doey] Jimmy: [a lol because that deer was honestly the most ride or die ever 'not yet' as if he's correcting her with a * and they're gonna be going full bonnie and clyde as the night goes on] Janis: [just pretending we're well offended like oi, how dare you but we're 😏 like oh really #intrigued too] Jimmy: [just writing a list of potential illegal acts on her with our fingertip as if it's a real list like remember these for later please] Janis: [trying to keep up but obviously not getting all that just like ???] Jimmy: [whisper them instead boy because we're still being couple goals here] Janis: [just add your own have a nice saucy back and forth here] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [I'm trying to think of a lowkey way to fuck with these women, like pouring a drink in their unattended handbags? gotta be sneaky guys] Jimmy: [ooh good idea, can't go too hard with it, it'd have to be something like that or like emptying it out and leaving their shit everywhere] Janis: [clearly gonna be too hype when you get to this one and you're not getting in] Jimmy: [not in the mood to be turned away, we're on a mission here] Janis: [raging in this car park like how dare] Jimmy: [🚬 because likewise and also 😳 like how dare you know I am but a child] Janis: [oh boy, just like 'you cold?' 'cos dem cheeks] Jimmy: [takes the antlers back like it's my reindeer vibe] Janis: [fixes her hair like UGH so rude 'probably why they turned us away'] Jimmy: [😒 af like don't blame me thank you] Janis: [nudging him with your foot like come on 'there's other pubs'] Jimmy: ['Direct me then' like let's go gal] Janis: [putting your hand out like stop for a sec though 'don't you wanna do something about it?' and not at all shamelessly going into his pocket whilst maintaining eye contact and getting out the marker and going over to a car and drawing a reindeer face on the windscreen 1. it'll come off easy so no harm truly done but 2. the pub peeps could clock it was them and know they've been got back, gesturing like come do some boy] Jimmy: [he's gonna draw a ghost with a santa hat because don't need any encouragement] Janis: [just do all the cars in this car park without getting caught, obvs gonna finish with a JJ heart 'cos duh] Jimmy: [just doing a little hand squeeze like thanks for that when you take the pen back to put it away because you feel better now] Janis: [shrugs like nbd but doing a little smile 'you wanna appease the fans whilst we're here too?'] Jimmy: [a nod like it's likewise nbd but the eye contact is not at all casual] Janis: [likewise getting on the bonnet of the JJ heart car like that's nothing and just looking at him like, you know what to do, #goals photo moment] Jimmy: [taking loads of pictures of her looking hot af before joining her to go in on any lovebites he thinks needs to look more extra for midnight mass #flimsyexcusesforever] Janis: [don't go in too hard and set the alarm off by which I mean do 'cos it's funny and also a cockblock to run] Jimmy: [interrupt this dry humping sesh before you get even more frustrated than you already are by this outfit] Janis: [mistakes were made lmao] Jimmy: [you'll both live] Janis: [you can hook up in #4 if I've kept count right lol] Jimmy: [soz not soz to that pub for how loud he's gonna be] Janis: [I hope you're not a tiny establishment 'cos lol even on a busy night that'd be heard, oh guys] Jimmy: [if you weren't shameless Jimothy we'd have some real problems] Janis: [we all know you are but you gotta have your drinks as well can't keep getting kicked] Jimmy: [yeah maybe don't hook up til you're about to leave here guys LOL] Janis: [got to order before you use the facilities xoxo] Jimmy: [and you pair are exactly why] Janis: [mhmm honey, maybe there will be a Christmas quiz or tombola or something at one of these pubs you can crash] Jimmy: [so festive but also believably shit, love that] Janis: [win some kind of prize ty ty] Jimmy: [you gotta and you're not having it shit nan cos we're not pleased to meet you hun] Janis: [even though it's probably something a nan would want 'cos isn't it always god bless] Jimmy: [give it to Tess cos she's not that kind of nan so that'll be funny] Janis: [not that you have to endure mass thank god] Jimmy: [challenge of keeping hold of whatever this is for the rest of the night and not losing it] Janis: [truly, probably some kind of bath set or shit biscuit tin] Jimmy: [don't eat the biscuits Jimmy you fat bastard] Janis: [gives you a half-eaten tin of biscuits, Tess fuming] Jimmy: [it's the thought that counts, nan] Janis: [such a 😎 boy lollllllll] Janis: [do you want to skip to having to go to mass?] Jimmy: [we totally can because we've thought of a lot of shit for this pub crawl honestly] Janis: [we have, very much a vibe was had, now you've got to show up to this church and we're just dreading this entire thing, it'll probably be a fair walk and we're just silent] Jimmy: [handholding cos we know she's dreading it and we're a team here] Janis: [god knows Junie isn't gonna be there 'cos the Venus sitch was this year so it's just ruster fam and you and grace so fun] Jimmy: [ugh what an anti-mood this will be, so glad you've had loads of drinks to help you through it guys] Janis: [billie simply not invited even though drew and meena would have to be there #rude oh what a mess, good thing we're dedicated to making a scene] Jimmy: [not that she would go but that's very rude, though it is a relief for us that paralysed sister secret isn't being outed as well since Libi already spilt the Edie tea] Janis: [drew might actually be in prison, but astrid and ro can come through, a joy, I'm sure lmao, we don't wanna get into ANY of this, god shit nan is gonna be so embarrassing over Jimmy 'cos she's a hoe for a boy, any boy lmao] Jimmy: [another reason for shit nan to shade Grace because she's never brought a boy to mass as if Janis isn't there deliberately doing everything wrong, okay bitch] Janis: [literally like where's ya boyfriend, shh shit nan so rude, it's okay she'd shade Meena for not forcing the kids and Tommy to come, as if these kids were raised remotely Christian] Jimmy: [they are hindus babe get on board, shading everyone's outfits as well obvs regardless of how inoffensive they are] Janis: [wearing the biggest most extra hat in the world like pop off, she's like a cartoon she's so ridiculous, probably gonna cry dramatically over her sons not being here for Christmas what a performance] Jimmy: [seriously it's as funny as it is awful] Janis: [we wouldn't blame you for being amused Jimothy, like we would be but not like we're on your side shit nan just like wtf woman] Jimmy: [he'll be too busy trying not to die because of the incense getting him but I'm sure we'll find parts of it amusing to look back on] Janis: [it's apparently gross I've never been to a Catholic ting so can't fully say but I know they waft it about in that swingy thing, you also bless yourself with holy water when you come in the door so there's that] Jimmy: [he will flick holy water at you bae] Janis: [pretending we're melting because we don't care #churchbants] Jimmy: [now is the perfect time for one of your dramatic death scenes, boy, everyone's just horrified] Janis: [just so 😍 as we pick him up off the floor lmao, tryna make sure he's sat nowhere near Rio, even though she's probably trying to be polite and introduce herself and the gang we're like good day] Jimmy: [sit next to Grace jimothy, she won't talk to you excessively and you already know she's embarrassing] Janis: [shit nan gon' be too busy being a busybody so that's something] Jimmy: [will put his head on the bae's shoulder like we do whenever we're bored by a flatwhite function before church has even started as much for the shade as a variation on the feelsy lean like I'm here for you gal] Janis: [at least you can text under your pamphlets 'cos rude and is the goal, as well as the rest, but leaning into this lean too and writing 'soz' on his arm] Jimmy: [and you have signing for shading people now and later because none of y'all would know any, putting a line through where she wrote her sorry like no you don't need to be] Janis: [a look like, it ain't over yet] Jimmy: [a look like I can handle it] Janis: [😏 like challenge accepted] Jimmy: [is sneezing already though probably how adorable] Jimmy: 😈 coming out Jimmy: bit awkward Janis: [loling] Janis: it's grim, ain't it Janis: jesus was a stoner, who knew Jimmy: worse even than ☕ Jimmy: 🤞 jesus won't @ my manager Jimmy: [pretends like he's gonna wipe his nose on her jacket cos I vaguely remember a furry one with her lewk] Janis: you don't need MORE competition, like Janis: [yeah, it's probably graces so you can be offended gal like 'scuse me] Jimmy: imagine the tips that dickhead would get Jimmy: SO on brand for them, him Janis: gonna put a help wanted ad in the collection plate for him Jimmy: don't how famous your dad is mate, fill in an application like every fucker else, tah Janis: that's his whole thing, sickening, tbh Jimmy: and OBVS every time he name drops it'll make the lasses frothier than their ☕ but still Jimmy: what's your CV without the miracles? Janis: you should be happy, not jealous Jimmy: can't be a slag for tips if nobody's bothered Jimmy: is he gonna feed me 🥖 and 🐟 or what? Janis: have to come back to find that out Janis: (spoiler alert, yeah, some 🍷 too) Janis: just covering his miraculous birth tonight, like Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [is gonna carve the JJ love heart into this pew, look away shit nan your heart won't take it] Janis: [we're about it though obvs] Jimmy: You going home after this? Janis: where else? Jimmy: where else do you want to? Jimmy: already nicked one car, can make it 2, easy Janis: oh right Janis: we have to get you home Janis: [mad on the low like this part of the plan escaped us how] Jimmy: can't 📞 Ian for a lift, might do though so he realises his car's gone Jimmy: but you're alright, I'll chuck doll jesus out of his straw bed Janis: we'll work it out Janis: not that an actual lift from any of this lot sounds like a right laugh but Janis: [shrugs like they obvs would] Jimmy: I'll just shout about that I need somewhere to😴 some dickhead'll put me up in a barn Jimmy: nowt more festive than that Janis: if only you were a knocked up teen Jimmy: 💔 fucked over by being a straight white lad YET AGAIN Janis: tell my nan about it and she'd adopt you Janis: it's not that far to yours Janis: got vehicles you wouldn't have to steal, technically Jimmy: not having her round the other 2 unless healing hands actually work Jimmy: happily have her car though Janis: [looks around at the fam like does it look like it works] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [we loling not soz to the hot priest] Janis: [shushing him in an even more obvious way as is the point like omg babe] Jimmy: [being like soz and making it even more of a thing as is also the point] Janis: [shit nan already in a mood 'cos there's 2 small children here and we know what that's like whenever you're meant to be quiet, at least she can pretend that's cute] Janis: tomorrow is gonna be so shit Jimmy: yeah Janis: least you can actually join in with the shit Bobby wanted Janis: that'll be alright Jimmy: he'll wanna compare 🎁 with his new best mate, get her 📞 Janis: baby 💔 Janis: you can let him Janis: she'll be gutted about the lack of attention she's getting as it's princesses' first xmas Janis: [side eyes baby venus] Jimmy: what are you and her doing the day after? Jimmy: might be a good shout to get them together Janis: I'll ask but it's usually more of the same, so fuck all Janis: with leftovers Jimmy: sounds about right Janis: they'd love it Jimmy: 💔 there weren't any reindeer in your fields I could nick an' all Jimmy: he's obsessed now Janis: soz about that Janis: we've got some donkeys but that's not very 💖 Janis: if they'd have spiced up the nativity he might be bothered but as it stands Jimmy: I'll do one out of snow when I get back Janis: alright, michaelangelo Jimmy: [nods at the heart he's carved into this pew like you weren't taking the piss then] Janis: you're my favourite artist Janis: SUCH a compliment Jimmy: [giving her OTT 😍 to hide that we're embarrassed by said compliment] Jimmy: all down to the muse, that Janis: I probably will be taking the blame for that so why not the glory too Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: you can come back with me for a bit Janis: for drinks and shit Janis: sadly, shit nan does not attend 💔 Janis: but there'll be loads of other fuckers, if you wanna Jimmy: alright Janis: you don't have to Janis: she'll make sure EVERYONE knows Jimmy: I said alright Janis: ALRIGHT Jimmy: [IRL 🤫 without making the shh sound] Janis: [mouthing 'make me' in a way definitely a few people are gonna clock] Jimmy: [A LOOK like I'd rather make you do the opposite] Janis: [you know what hit me like kinda obvious but also hasn't been stated so] Janis: [shit nan is probably HERE for this, aside from when they're pissing about rn, she'd be like oh you dressed like a girl for once and brought a boy you aren't related to, like accidental fail 'cos shit nan has weird priorities l o l] Jimmy: [OG supporter and spreader of those gay rumours like not another one on my watch honey] Janis: [just banging on about how they never bring boys around like yeah this is why but also mind yo business, she's so extra, and she'd just think jimothy was shy and be like aww] Jimmy: [when you antisocial but people think you shy, their future daughter can relate] Janis: [mhmm] Janis: is the incense making you feel 😵? Jimmy: If I say it is can we piss off? Jimmy: [because yes but we don't wanna admit it because we're so tough okay] Janis: is what I was getting at Janis: ['cos we're done with this and leaving early is the only sure-fire way to annoy shit nan at this point plus what a LOOK, so grabbing his hand like he's about to vom like 'SCUSE US WE GOTTA GO RN] Jimmy: hang on then, I'll have another crack at it Jimmy: *SO 😵😵😵 me Jimmy: have a word Jimmy: [and we're out of here, bye but we're not actually saying bye fam] Janis: [actually making him get some fresh air before we start smoking or anything of the sort] Jimmy: [allowing it because it did actually get him] Janis: [cold air sobering in all the ways it's needed right now] Jimmy: [mhmm] Jimmy: [asking her if she's okay by writing it on her with a ? when we could just ask because we're outside now] Janis: [shrugs 'used to it' we talking 'bout the smoke or everything else hen] Jimmy: [offering her a 🚬 or the pen or keys like choose your weapon for killing yourself with] Janis: ['too obvious if her car gets keyed' and takes a 🚬 but makes a big deal out of getting far away from him like you're so sensitive] Jimmy: [throws some snow at her like if you're gonna be rude so will I] Janis: [tipsy snowball fight realness] Jimmy: [gonna do snow angels because where better than outside church RIP to Grace's jacket if she joins in lol] Janis: [obviously we are, excuse us] Jimmy: [get art hoey and make them look like JJ boy] Janis: [that's a mood] Jimmy: [lots of hair for her and sunglasses and grumpy face for you, we know the vibe] Janis: ['thanks, by the way'] Jimmy: [a shrug like don't worry about it] Janis: [having to look at him to look like, seriously, I know they're all extra and that was a lot] Jimmy: [when you were gonna touch her face/move her hair out of it in a romantic way like seriously it's okay but your hands are freezing from doing the snow angel details so it's like ! oh no soz] Janis: [move them down so they're around your waist under this furry coat like warm them up boy but usually that'd be skin to skin contact so you're gutted 'stupid, fucking jumpsuit'] Jimmy: [holding on tight anyway and pulling her closer to you because always but eventually letting go for long enough to put your lighter in her hand  'for in a bit' like you can set this on fire later babe that'll cheer you] Janis: [just looking at it like it's a ring in a box 'this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me' love joking but double meaning means lowkey not really] Jimmy: [looking at it and getting the key out like can I engrave something onto this would it work because we can always be more romantic] Janis: [I'm dying 'cos the actual gift she got you for xmas is literally very related to this so that's swagger] Jimmy: [cackling that we both had the Shakespearian rose idea and also because my idea for what he gives her that I obvs can't do because I'd never find anything like it is a swag copy of romeo and juliet you know when they have nice covers and he's like doodled inside and crossed lines out to rewrite them and like written a sonnet etc and then like at some bit of the play they don't fuck with probably the beginning when Romeo is a hoe like carving a space out which she could fit said lighter in but obvs he didn't have that specifically in mind he was just like lol a secret hiding place cos remember how easy they found Ella's diary] Janis: [I'm dying that's such a mood, like okay, pretending we aren't even friends or something LOL] Jimmy: [gonna say that there is also some Bobby doodles in there too because yolo we a squad now and if he'd had chance to get Libi to add to it he would've but sadly there was no way] Janis: [simply dying, if only you could spend tomorrow with each other alas gotta entertain the fam literally this one day a year] Jimmy: [I'm so happy you're gonna see each other though even though you don't know yet] Janis: [like the lowkey shock you're gonna have to hide rn so you don't spoil the surprise for him tomorrow, ugh, your minds, our minds] Jimmy: [at least he'd be concentrating on carving this rose with a literal key trying to make sure it doesn't look like a blob so that'll help you gal] Janis: [oscar-worthy performance lol] Jimmy: [and you can just kiss him if all else fails] Janis: [also I think this midnight mass should've been 11-12 so when they hear the finale going on inside they know it's xmas, v cinematic] Jimmy: [yasss I support that, obvs say merry christmas to her boy even though you're forlorn at the prospect of and dreading it] Janis: [practically loling at the prospect 'cos likewise but kissing him back] Jimmy: [have your moment kids before everyone comes out of this church] Janis: [clearly wanna fuck off before any of the fam can see you like byeee] Jimmy: [escape lads] Janis: [or lifts will be offered and lord knows you don't want that, you wanna be alone and cute] Jimmy: [we all know you should go home now and get some sleep before Bobby wakes up ridiculously early but we all know you won't and the reasons why] Janis: [at least it's a very ali/fam in general vibe that there's drinks and party food going on so you can and it doesn't look like what it clearly is] Jimmy: [enjoy your walk back there alone before you have to deal with peeps again] Janis: [at least it doesn't need to be literally everyone, and a fair amount of you have kids you'd need to be home for, too bad Libi is probably asleep even if she tried really hard lol] Jimmy: [she could wake up when she hears everyone if we want that lil mvp in our lives] Janis: [just peeping down the stairs tryna be sneaky then she sees Jimmy and is like MY BFFS ARE HERE 'cos thinks they come as a duo at all times obvs] Jimmy: [she's not wrong about it and he will pick you up and spin you round lil queen cos we stan] Janis: [we love that, directing him to the tree like BUT 👏 HAS 👏 HE 👏 BEEN 👏 and deffo not babe the adults are still getting pissed but god bless you] Jimmy: [but jj should give her something they've picked up over the course of this wild night like there you go bab] Janis: [we're thrilled, also like is your dog asleep, my dog's asleep 'cos Killer cannot come to this cat castle sadly but she's got Star under her arm like hey] Jimmy: [telling her that Twix, Bobby and Snow are all asleep but also telling her she can record a voice memo for them if she wants so they'll get in when they wake up] Janis: [probably screaming MERRY CHRISTMAS such is our excitement then being like I hope you got xyz from his list that she's managed to remember well done bab then being like I'm up SOOOO late little brag like imma catch Santa and see if this one knows signing and has a real beard] Jimmy: [Jimothy is gonna teach you some more signing bab cos lbr the only other person he wants to talk to here is Janis so we're chuffed you're here] Janis: [at least mcvickers are not so strict they're gonna march you back to bed right away, you may as well stay up a bit now you are so you don't wake everyone at the crack of dawn like I did lol] Jimmy: [and like Bobby will do, there's gonna be no point Jimothy going to bed lol] Janis: [honestly, all nighter it is, at least once the meal is over and the drama you can be back together huns don't worry, also lol @ mcvickers being like oh you again 'cos when Libi ran in lmao] Jimmy: [Tess has her eye on you boy but she'd be secretly thrilled to see how good you are with Libi, not in a cringey shit nan way but just] Janis: [you're clearly not a total fuckboy of a teenage lad, we can be lowkey happy about that always lol, meanwhile just securing the good scran for us right now whilst Libi probably talks Jimmy through every dec and they're probably mostly homemade by the kids so like enjoy that] Jimmy: [Poor Grace is probably crying and angsting in her room about whatever shit nan said and did to her so there'll be enough food for you boy] Janis: [honestly poor Grace like we just made it worse for you accidentally, shit nan stirring the pot always] Jimmy: [I like to think Ali is coming through for you because she knows exactly what shit nan is like] Janis: [we aren't the type to be too busy hosting or whatever to not notice when our kids are upset, thankfully] Jimmy: [she's a good mum and like Tess and Janis she always notices things so] Jimmy: [the question we need to ask ourselves is about Billie's whereabouts because if she's there then obvs Jimothy isn't gonna be like gimme the tea but like he will know now] Janis: [she's gonna be about 18 so yes, she's almost definitely there, even if she was out earlier it's like late enough that she'd be back] Jimmy: [literally rolling up with whatever mates she was out with like LOL how was church everyone because we all hate shit nan in this house] Janis: [Janis really going in on how shit she was to everyone and doing an impression which we're clearly just great at tbh, also overplay how scared poor hot priest is] Jimmy: [she'd love it and you know she'd be commenting on Janis' outfit being like bet she was so down for you being dressed like that because she's been shaded herself for being dressed like a boy clearly] Janis: ['surprised she didn't have it off me to borrow' like who does shit nan think she is honestly, kind of iconic but not, also shading Ro 'cos we all love to do that in this household too, especially after the Rio ting even Ali ain't gonna stop you] Jimmy: [Billie do HATE Ro because she loves Astrid and we know she's not doing the best for that bub so obvs asking how she was because bringing her to church when she's autistic af and you can't deal with her anywhere is never gonna be the one tbh] Janis: ['lucky she had her wrapped up tight enough she could hide in her scarf' 'cos the smells, the sounds, the sights, TOO MUCH 'she liked the nativity scene though' hot priest being cool and letting her play in it 'cos lord knows Ro doesn't have the strength to control her literal it's so dangerous] Jimmy: [Billie do be fuming because you know full well that Ro wouldn't let her look after her as if she's incapable when POT KETTLE] Janis: [mhmm, rosaline, get in your own wheelchair you're at death's door you cow, just shrugging like I know and telling her about Meena 'cos always coming for her life as well shit nan like 'you could've at least brought Thomas and his REAL children' like you'll leave the adopted ones at home OKAY HUN] Jimmy: [Billie LIVID because she's not Ali's REAL child but she is though, fuck you shit nan, thank god Jimmy is busy with Libi cos he don't need all this tea in his life yet] Janis: [also the hypocrisy 'cos Drew and Meena aren't your real children either but are when it suits you silly woman, honestly, lowkey then just hoping Billie will get distracted and not wanna be introduced to him lmao, like who's dis, idk, bring him his food and Libi the bits you've sneakily brought her 'cos you're meant to be ready for bed not nomming again] Jimmy: [luckily she'd be drunk-ish and have brought friends so easy to distract because we don't need to do that rn gal, so much has already happened this holiday season] Janis: [seems lowkey shady on both your behalfs like am I not good enough to be intro'd but we're not trying to be like and here's this person and that person and make it too #real] Jimmy: [this party has a chill vibe and she's a chill person she's not gonna pull a Rio and be like MUST INTRODUCE SELF we all know Janis has never brought a lad back before and we're not trying to embarrass her] Janis: [exactly, it's already happened once, almost as a point like YOU CANNOT IGNORE ME JANIS lmao, just telling Libi to go get the kennel they made Snow out of a cereal box or something to show Jimmy so she'll actually leave him be for a hot sec, squeezing his hand like alright?] Jimmy: [just smiling at her because actually has had a nice time with Libi even though it would have made him feel bad for not being at home with Bobby rn and leaving him earlier, like boy it's okay he's a sleep but he always feels guilty regardless] Janis: [#mumguilt because we're raising our brother, so rude, just smiling back like thank god this isn't going as bad 'wanna show off how crafty I am too, obvs' in reference to this kennel like such an #arthoe] Jimmy: [waves a picture of that sheep costume on his phone at her like girl I know] Janis: [😏 and stroking the lighter than is in our hand 'cos obvs taken the jacket off and there's no way there's pockets on that thing lol] Jimmy: [pulling her chair as close to his chair as he can because we just always wanna be closer to her all the time and something falling off her plate when he do so we're keeping that for Star to eat when Libi gets back as if she's a real dog] Janis: [😳 that we can pretend is just from coming inside to the warm] Jimmy: [also taking whatever fell off her plate and she lost off his so she can have it but why give it to her normally when you can feed it to her/put it in her mouth because you're that bitch] Janis: [just LOOKING at him like, there has not been enough alone time today remotely] Jimmy: [obvs LOOKING back but before he can suggest they go get her out of that outfit Libi is back so we gonna look at this kennel and feed Star and that whole thing] Janis: [gotta do some parenting, cockblocked, at least you'll be getting sleepy and made to go back to bed soon enough hun you ain't partying the whole night away] Jimmy: [they can be the ones to take her though cos then they'll be upstairs already and won't have far to go to her room to finally be alone for a bit] Janis: [and you are that bitch, like no no, I want THEM to do it #princesslife sure you have some story that you can be read either about Christmas or dogs] Jimmy: [if not they'll make one up for you, Jimothy is 10000% that bitch] Janis: [Star and Snow going on an epic adventure, love that for them] Jimmy: [I hope you remember it so you can tell it to Bobby tomorrow night or whenever] Janis: [do your best, drunk babes] Jimmy: [you're not totally wasted like you were when partying, you should remember most of this stuff] Jimmy: [especially the joy when that jumpsuit finally comes off for good] Janis: [yeah, no excuse of being blasted this time] Janis: [it's also glittery, so that's scratchy, simply not a vibe apart from the lewk of, you can break it if you want guys] Jimmy: [that's a saucy mood] Janis: [you have form and you're both frustrated af by now] Jimmy: [fun as hooking up in that pub toilet would have been, that would feel like forever ago and it's not the same vibe as when you can take your time and be as extra as you want] Janis: [should also note hi to her house and bedroom this convo, not that we're taking it in but just for reference later] Jimmy: [yeah he's very preoccupied rn and there has been a lot of peeps and stuff going on but you can't not notice Ali's vibe and all the cats and the contrast between that and her bare as hell room will be jarring when you realise] Janis: [pretend we do not see, more important things to do rn lads] Jimmy: [we're very in love tonight and it cannot be overstated how much of a cockblock that outfit was when the bae always be giving you so much skin to work with usually] Janis: [not your usual at all, we're all mad about it and making up for it now, excuse us] Jimmy: [enjoy that lads, we know you will] Janis: [soz to the people upstairs, aka Grace, put your headphones in gal] Jimmy: [hopefully Ali has gone so we can say she has] Janis: [or she will if you two start, don't need that in any of our lives lol] Jimmy: [Grace is having a shit enough night without hearing you two] Janis: [when you know he lowkey has to leave now and you don't want him to] Jimmy: [and he knows and doesn't wanna leave either so it's like let's just keep kissing forever and prolong this and pretend I don't] Janis: ['how hard do you think your dad is gonna flip shit?' when we're lowkey worried but doing the most to sound like we ain't and we're just curious here] Jimmy: [just shrugging because we know exactly but we're not gonna answer honestly and the point is it's supposed to be nbd and we don't care but also then doing a 🤞 and an impression of Bobby's impression of angry Ian because Ian flipping out is what we wanted and we obvs hope it's enough for us to go back up north] Janis: ['his was better' and patting his shoulders like there there 'christmas miracle, I guess' and crosses her fingers back, getting up to find clothes to throw on] Jimmy: ['should've done the sound effects' cos obvs Bobby doesn't on his cos can't hear Ian shouting and is mute, chucking a pillow at her like oi cos we don't want her to get up because that means he has to leave soon and no] Janis: ['have to settle for second for now' and shrugs like oh well, and just looking back like 'scuse me when he throws the pillow] Jimmy: [just picking her up because he hasn't all night and chucking her back on this bed like 1. I won't accept second thank you and 2. come back] Janis: [just like oi and 😒 at him like what you want] Jimmy: [tucking her in like stay put gal] Janis: ['you've got to go' like he was the one getting ready] Jimmy: [dramatically flopping down next to her like I can't possibly I'm so comfortable] Janis: [pushing him like you're gonna pushing him out the bed but obviously don't] Jimmy: [push her back but again not hard] Janis: ['how are you getting back?' and folding our arms] Jimmy: [a very helpful shrug] Janis: ['what's wrong?'] Jimmy: [when you're about to say nothing but that's such a lie that it feels pointless so you're just there like 👀 and then 'you said it' because she did when she said he had to go that's the entire issue here] Janis: [just silent for a while 'cos what can either of you do about that 'yeah'] Jimmy: [just getting ready to go because what else can you do boy] Janis: [getting up and stopping him like ! 'don't go' even though you know he's got to right now 'cos you're thinking about if the plan works and they go back to Manchester] Jimmy: [hugging her because you don't want to go and saying as much even though it's muffled and also obvious lol] Janis: ['it'll be more shit again when you do' from inside this hug] Jimmy: [hugging her tighter because true for you too] Janis: [breaking it apart like that's enough now] Jimmy: [dramatically kiss her before getting ready to go for a second time] Janis: [do you want him to walk/or does he want a lift? 'cos obvs she wouldn't make him go with whoever alone so that adds another bit if so] Jimmy: [he'll probably just walk even though it'll take ages because we're in no rush to get back] Jimmy: [unless she's like no get a lift you idiot and then he will because we're a pushover for the bae] Janis: [we'd know that's the vibe and thus wouldn't argue, like we might wanna go with but what is the point 'cos then he'll wanna walk you back and it'll be a farce lmao] Jimmy: [you can chat to him to make sure he's still alive if you want gal but you can't come with or you'll end up staying and the fam will be fuming] Janis: [*angrily comes to pick you up* got to be folorn and separate soz guys it won't be for long] Janis: don't turn into a ⛄ Jimmy: use your head, girl, it'd save me building our kid's reindeer Janis: could Jack Frost your dad Janis: he melts away at the end, yeah? Jimmy: I dunno that one Janis: I think it's depressing so won't recc it for your Christmas day watch Jimmy: sounds like a top pick for us, that Janis: play with your dead dad for the winter then take him up a mountain when he starts to melt, still melts though Jimmy: I googled it, he's what they invented my 😎 emoji for Jimmy: rock star dickhead Janis: and he was batman Janis: you're so outshined Jimmy: 😭💔🎻 Jimmy: piss off and fake marry him if you love him that bad, Jasmine Janis: question, if the harmonica was magic, could he see him every winter from then on Janis: and how many winters before the kid is like, let's just skip that whole charade this year Jimmy: depends how many bollocks sequels they were reckoning on doing when they wrote that bit Jimmy: how old were the kid? by the time he's 12 he'll be telling batdad to piss off Janis: I swear he was already that old Janis: one time deal and we accidentally break that harmonica Jimmy: gutted it ain't that easy to be rid of Ian Jimmy: but promise I'll melt when you're #overthis Jimmy: no need for a fake break up Janis: yeah right Janis: you're no Jack Jimmy: 😱😱😱 Janis: 😭💔🎻 is mutual Jimmy: will be when this is the last you see of me Janis: shut up Jimmy: if that's what you want your last words to me to be Janis: if you were freezing to death/getting murdered/a combo of the two, you wouldn't have the time to be pissing about in the 💬 Jimmy: always have the time for you, baby Jimmy: fine with them being my last words Janis: an empty promise? Jimmy: there's nowt empty about it Janis: it's empty if you're fucking off and dying Janis: the ⏲ running Jimmy: what 'cause 💀💀💀 is gonna separate us? Bill won't be having that Jimmy: 👻💕 Janis: he does write it Jimmy: and his writing were heavily ❌ which you know he's FUMING ABOUT Janis: heavily plagiarized, so I've heard Jimmy: 🤫 he'll haunt you Janis: that's what he wants Jimmy: he might do but you don't need to be nicking my mates Janis: you've got a new one Jimmy: ? Janis: your barista buddy Janis: with the 🎄 foliage Jimmy: piss off, he's not my mate Janis: alright Janis: boyfriend Jimmy: if I had him, I wouldn't need to fake date you Janis: 1. rude 2. we're all gutted he's taken don't take it out on me Jimmy: I don't fuck my co-workers, his missus or how 💔 any dickhead is don't come into it Janis: alright Janis: obviously a pisstake but well impressive how noble you are Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for being a 🏆 cautionary tale Jimmy: if nowt else he's useless for what not to bother doing Jimmy: *useful [watch me write the literal opposite word to what I meant because I'm tired and you usually are useless sir] Janis: I don't think he'd mind a cheeky bum squeeze Jimmy: depends who off of Janis: not your dad, obvs Jimmy: 🤢 obvs dickhead Jimmy: your 🧠 is only on the 1 track at the minute Janis: I'm trying to keep you company dickhead Janis: you wanna talk about how cold and dark it is? Jimmy: why are them your options? Janis: I'm just talking Janis: why do you wanna talk about something specific or? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: what do you mean, it's simple Janis: you've either got something in mind or you ain't Jimmy: what's simpler than saying something if there were owt on my 🧠 Janis: you're known for that Jimmy: and you're known for being funny Janis: if 'piss off' is on your mind, hurry up and get it off the tip of your tongue Jimmy: What so you can put some more words there? You're alright Janis: I haven't said you said shit Jimmy: not THAT thick and you ain't that subtle Janis: ? Jimmy: just call me a mardy prick or owt else you reckon Jimmy: that's where this is going Janis: you're being weird, that's where this is Jimmy: it weren't me who brought up the mates or boyfriends I should have Janis: it was a joke, not going to say that again Janis: and I'm surrounded by both, aren't I? Janis: gonna open myself up for that easy shot Jimmy: no need to beg me to repeat how funny it were Jimmy: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 Janis: forget it Janis: just tell me when you've got home Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [literally a hot second later because Jimothy don't wanna leave it like this ever] Jimmy: fuck this, no Jimmy: I don't wanna just tell you when I'm back Janis: stop being a total arsehole then Janis: I know you don't wanna go home right now Jimmy: I'll leave it out Jimmy: it's just Jimmy: weird Janis: why? Jimmy: What do you mean why? You properly turned christmas eve round Jimmy: I'm used to it being shit but not this Jimmy: and it's doing my head in that I can't see you tomorrow Janis: we could Janis: still allowed 🚬 breaks, right? Janis: once the main events 🎁🦃 are out the way Jimmy: bit far to come to nick all my 🚬 Janis: someone has to walk Killer Jimmy: alright Janis: if you want Jimmy: I said Jimmy: it's if you want Janis: I suggested it Jimmy: there you go then Janis: you're so awkward Jimmy: how am I? Janis: you just are Jimmy: if you ain't got any #receipts hun, don't come for me Janis: 😂 Janis: eurgh Jimmy: 💅🤷 Janis: wonder how their xmas eve went Jimmy: 💀👑 probably started opening her 🎁s at midnight Jimmy: still cracking on Jimmy: 💎💰🐴💄👜👠💰👗💎 Janis: I'm SO jealous Jimmy: me an' all, obvs Jimmy: but she can keep the new 🐩 Janis: Christ Janis: I swear to GOD if my sister has got that baby a fucking puppy Jimmy: 💭 of the 🐕🏃💰 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 trainer, you Janis: I wouldn't if they paid double Jimmy: we'll @ Mia's daddy to negotiate the rates Janis: hot Janis: can't wait Jimmy: the ONLY christmas gift worth having, I get it Janis: Obviously Janis: the 💔 would finally off her Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: you can hit him up Janis: not calling dibs Jimmy: He's SO fit and mysterious I dunno which of us is more his type 🤔❗❓ Janis: you're thicker Janis: could be his secretary Jimmy: hang on, are you calling me fat or Asia? Janis: Honey, you're both 😘 Jimmy: 😍 Jimmy: I'm tiktok Tammy Janis: You really are Janis: I know who I am, we don't need to say Jimmy: SO complimentary after midnight, you Janis: wow, Gremlin is a new low Janis: you're as rude as ever Jimmy: come on, you can be the cute ginger one Janis: you're the fattest one Jimmy: least you didn't say I were the dickhead lad Janis: not actually seen 'em, tbh Janis: if the shoe fits Jimmy: I'll suggest it for our sleepover with 💀👑 and her gremlins Janis: such a shame we never got that Jimmy: I'll make it happen for you, my dear Janis: gotta desecrate all her beds or what's the point Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: 💪🏆 Janis: how long can I get away with lying in tomorrow do you reckon Jimmy: @ Libi with them Q&As Janis: 😩😩 Jimmy: baby Jimmy: [🥺 selfie] Janis: it's rude that you're so fit even in flash lighting Janis: dickhead Jimmy: you could let me have it Jimmy: how fit you are Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: I don't wanna miss you Jimmy: don't, I'm here 👋💕 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I meant what I said Jimmy: tonight were good Jimmy: I don't want it to be done for ages Janis: alright Jimmy: [sends her a 👍 pic like a nerd] Janis: we'll do something 🥊 day Janis: even if my nan says no to Libi coming, yeah Jimmy: she'll be 💔 but yeah Janis: yeah, 🤞 Jimmy: if Libi knew she'd have a word with 🎅 probably 🥊 him Janis: see if I can convince Buster to put on the beard and let her go for it Jimmy: get your shit nan to grow hers out Janis: 😶 Janis: and you were SUCH a nice boy Jimmy: should've said you wanted me to 🥊 her Jimmy: did owe you after that Sharon 💋 Janis: there'll be other chances Janis: not the only one who attracts people having mid-life crises Jimmy: we have SO MUCH in common Jimmy: I'll 🥊 Lucas for you whenever Janis: 🥰🥰🥰 Jimmy: his is an end of life crisis but Janis: 🔪🔪🔪? Janis: 😳 Jimmy: I were on about him being 👴 Jimmy: but obvs I'll stab him if you want Janis: we can do it together Janis: bit more macbeth but Bill should still be alright with it Jimmy: #datenight Jimmy: that'll be SO romantic Janis: 💋🩸 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: how cold are your fingers? Jimmy: as a come on goes Jimmy: well creative Janis: it would be if you weren't (hopefully) nearly home Jimmy: I ain't the athlete you are, Jenna Janis: Oh, babes Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: gonna have to train you too? Janis: what a #humblebrag Jimmy: depends what treats you've got Janis: what was it Janis: pies, pints and ...? Jimmy: 🥔 DUH Jimmy: but I'll have 🚬 off you an' all once I get another lighter Janis: well that explains it Janis: sensitive subject Jimmy: said you'd be calling me a mardy prick Janis: I was talking about the famine Janis: you've got a lot to learn, boy Jimmy: go on then 🤓 Janis: you want a history lesson, you're the 🤓 Jimmy: if you ain't up to teaching me something, I'll take it back Janis: psh Janis: didn't say that Jimmy: so go on Janis: [a rundown I ain't gonna give lmao] Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: um, give me more 👏🌹 dickhead Janis: that was EFFORT Jimmy: *🥇 Jimmy: alright? Janis: it'll do Jimmy: what more do you want? Janis: I said it'd do Janis: 😇 Jimmy: but Jimmy: effort for effort, like Janis: You need to get some sleep Janis: we can talk about effort tomorrow Jimmy: I've got a snow reindeer to build Janis: you're gonna be knackered Jimmy: used to that an' all 👴🎻 Janis: 🚬 break will make it better, promise Jimmy: I miss you Janis: you'll think of me when you make your Rudolph sculpture Jimmy: got any 💡🥇 for how to make his nose glow? Janis: 🤔 Janis: except for making him blush, not really Janis: can't use any 💡 or 🔥 Jimmy: reckon he's gonna be more of a challenge to get 😳 than you Janis: that's funny Janis: not how I 💭 it being Jimmy: bit weird that Jimmy: 'cause it's how it were Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi Janis: what Jimmy: 🙄 is what Janis: it's better than 😳 Jimmy: 😳 suits you Janis: maybe it suits you too Jimmy: does it? Janis: yeah Janis: a lot Jimmy: [a lil 😳 vid while he's doing this snow reindeer is he just cold, we all know the answer] Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: oh Jimmy: you gonna give me one back or what? Janis: a competition to see who can 😳 the most isn't one I wanted 🥇 for but Janis: [obvs does, obvs cute and dying] Jimmy: you can have it though Janis: rather you came back Janis: but I'll take it Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: should've let you stay longer Janis: SO hard being SUCH a good person Jimmy: all that dickhead 🎅's fault Jimmy: having a list Jimmy: SUCH a tory Janis: massive tory Janis: no prezzies for poor kids Janis: lump of coal to rub it in Jimmy: he's about as subtle as my dad, funny that Jimmy: ALMOST like they might be the same bloke Jimmy: with an identical fetish for the mines Janis: 😱🤢😵 Janis: keep that to yourself before you ruin anyone else's Christmas Janis: explains how he's always working Jimmy: !!!🤯 Jimmy: send tweet to everyone but our kid and Libi Janis: you're good with her Jimmy: ain't much of a job to piss about with her Jimmy: she's alright Janis: you should takeover Gracie's gig instead Janis: swapsies Jimmy: Ian should just pay me but won't hold my breath Jimmy: not with these lungs Janis: suppose he pays you with the roof over your head and that's the excuse for everything 🙄 Janis: know the sort Jimmy: can't forget hot water, food, clothes on my back, be a right pisstake Janis: of course Janis: where is his 🥇 Jimmy: he really did reckon he deserved one for the 🐕 Jimmy: 🎻💔😭 mate Janis: LOVE another mouth to begrudgingly feed Jimmy: 👍✔ Janis: how old was your dad when he had you Jimmy: how old's he now? 105?? 🤔 Jimmy: hang on, nah, what's that saying? Only as old as the lass you smack on the arse Janis: 😏 past it then Janis: point remains anyway, people stay stupid Jimmy: northern and thick Jimmy: top combo that Janis: all people are the same Janis: collect a load of 👶👧👦🐶 you think you want 'cos it feels good at the time Jimmy: Dunno if it ever did for him, more in it for the 🎻💔😭 Janis: 💘 of the tragic backstory Jimmy: *life story Jimmy: that goes on and fucking on Janis: its called generational trauma Janis: you'd know if your ma was a wanna-be hippie Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: and my mum Janis: it's just a word to throw about Janis: if she knows how to heal it she's keeping that one to herself Jimmy: that'll work, they both love throwing words about Jimmy: don't matter if they know what they mean or not Janis: there you go Janis: @ each other Janis: spark that back up Jimmy: there's that 🎄 miracle my sister has her 🤞 for Jimmy: she'll be chuffed to bits Janis: 😬 Janis: shit Jimmy: been ages but if any dickhead can sort it 🎅 Janis: 🚗❓😡🛫🛬🏡🙏 Jimmy: sounds about right that Ian would 💭 my mum had popped back up just to nick his car Janis: I mean, fairplay if she did Janis: I just meant if your plan works though you'll be 🥇 brother x2 again Jimmy: dunno about that Janis: maybe for like, a day, anyway Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 Jimmy: be me Janis: awh Janis: cute Jimmy: soz I meant Jimmy: *🌧😒 Janis: easy mistake to make Janis: still cute Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: if I  keep 😳 all the snow'll melt Janis: 👋 shit dad Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 full orchestra Janis: so emotional Jimmy: 💰 on that soundtrack being top quality Jimmy: have a look Janis: there's 3 hanson songs Janis: none of which being mmbop Jimmy: what the fuck Janis: 1998 was a time, apparently Jimmy: 💔 I ain't a time travelling 👻 or ⛄ Janis: "It's possible for the Jim Henson folks and Industrial Light and Magic to put their heads together and come up with the most repulsive single creature in the history of special effects, and I am not forgetting the Chucky doll or the desert intestine from Star Wars." Janis: when your dad gets dragged Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I guess it's better than when they redid the whole Jack Frost vibe later and they made him look like one of your coworkers Jimmy: if he pops a CV in I'll be out the door Janis: yeah you will Janis: 💔 for the fans Jimmy: OI Jimmy: you're meant to reassure me, dickhead Janis: Babe Janis: you're the best barista they've ever had Janis: better? Jimmy: late than never Janis: Baby boy Jimmy: you weren't taking the piss when you had shit that were actually edible offered to you Jimmy: all the 🏆 for me then Janis: I'm not taking the piss Jimmy: bollocks Janis: out of the fact girls lose their shit over you 'cos you can make a coffee, maybe Jimmy: 😎🚬 is more of a skill, we both get it Janis: I don't know if I'd say it's more impressive but more interesting, sure Jimmy: but if you want another go at ☕🎨 I'll ❌ this bit out Janis: if they paid me, happy to Jimmy: barely pay me, mate Jimmy: that'll be why I spend loads of my shifts 🗨 to you Janis: just so 🥱 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: 🥅 nice save Jimmy: ain't a 👏👏🌹 chaser like you, girl Jimmy: I could hack being a goalie for a bit Jimmy: just that good with my hands any road Janis: 😂 Janis: you 🤞 to prove it and I'll come see you some more Janis: teach me what you like Jimmy: be thicker than I look to refuse an offer like that Janis: right answer Jimmy: I can really see you tomorrow, yeah? Jimmy: that's not just Janis: yeah Janis: can't stop me going out for fresh air, like Jimmy: 🤞? Janis: Promise Janis: I don't give a fuck Janis: I wanna see you Jimmy: that feels like the right answer to me Janis: I've got to see and pretend to listen to loads of people I don't wanna see Janis: only fair Jimmy: drive over if you want, there'll be somewhere else we can leave the 🚗 that'll still do his head in Janis: might take you up on that Jimmy: bring the dog like you said if you want an' all, that'll piss him off Janis: ha Janis: he'll proper think I've got no home to go to then Janis: 🥺🎻 Jimmy: DUH the obvs answer is you drive back home after, why didn't I think that though? Jimmy: don't need anywhere else to leave it Janis: it's okay Janis: you were so buzzing Janis: no 🩸 in your 🧠 Jimmy: just don't want you to leave Jimmy: near the same thing Janis: 😎 Jimmy: [sending her pics of this finished reindeer moment] Janis: that's not the abomination I reckoned it'd be Janis: he'll be well 😁 again Jimmy: how hard do you wanna backhand that compliment? Janis: who's good at making snowmen, never mind snowreindeer Janis: only that blindly 🙌👏🌹 of you for the fans Jimmy: me, dickhead Janis: not gonna say soz for my caution Jimmy: that snow angel ended up so much like you 💀👑 'll be doing shit to it as we 🗨 Janis: anything to cool her down Janis: 🥵 to 🥶 Jimmy: clinging to life to finally dead, it's alright, you can say it Janis: 💁 what happens happens, babe Janis: how are we to know/pray Jimmy: what I'm willing to make happen for you, I don't need jesus about for 👀🍿 unless he wants to help clean up or hide a bit of evidence, as a mate Janis: 1. that's actually hot so fuck you 2. you are practically saved now, you're welcome Jimmy: mixed messages there Jimmy: I get it, you need a minute with the visuals Janis: I said what I said Jimmy: 😏 Janis: go inside now? Janis: get warm Jimmy: 🛏 or 🚿? Janis: what was it you said about visuals Jimmy: take a minute with them Jimmy: to decide Janis: you're not gonna get enough anyway Janis: may as well 🚿 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: nothing else impacted my decision, at all Jimmy: dunno what would Janis: it's a mystery Jimmy: [do get in the shower with your waterproof phone of the future] Janis: [what a time to be alive] Jimmy: [honestly, what more could you need when you're young, in love and extra] Janis: I don't wanna go sleep Jimmy: why? Janis: 🎅🎁🎄 Janis: excitement is too real Jimmy: now the answer that ain't bollocks Janis: it's stupid Jimmy: I doubt that Janis: I just don't wanna stop chatting to you Jimmy: so stay with me Janis: okay Jimmy: it is Jimmy: you don't have to feel stupid Janis: 🤏 Jimmy: ❌ Janis: 🙊 Jimmy: that weren't an animal comparison I made Jimmy: bit dangerous Janis: go ahead and be racist if the mood takes Janis: I don't care and I TOTALLY WON'T use the receipts later when you piss me off Jimmy: not my dad, you're alright Janis: thank GOD you reminded me Jimmy: easy mistake, that Janis: hardly Janis: gonna ask your brother to do an impression of you next, nothing like it, guaranteed Jimmy: 😒 twinning's all it takes Jimmy: look enough like him, nowt I can do about it Janis: yeah Janis: I get it Jimmy: you don't look like Gracie Jimmy: she wishes Janis: plenty of other unfavourable options of people I do Jimmy: I ain't got that list Janis: my nan, mostly Janis: non shit Jimmy: fit nan and shit nan Jimmy: easy to remember Janis: shut up Jimmy: what? Janis: that's gross Jimmy: I'm not gonna ask her on a fake date Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: take the compliment Janis: for my nan? Janis: yeah, not gonna pass it on over the turkey but tah Jimmy: she's fit 'cause she looks like you Jimmy: mysterious she can have Janis: 👌 quit whilst you're ahead Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: you're bad at cards, got it Jimmy: spread it about, we'll have some piss easy wins Janis: 😏 alright Janis: bit of an obvious trick but they are all exceptionally stupid so Jimmy: not the worst plan we've come up and had to pull off Janis: suppose not Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🔪🖐🩸 Jimmy: open a vein so I know it's real, babe Janis: go ahead and take your pick Jimmy: you're the 🧛 I don't play favourites Jimmy: they're all 🥇 Janis: arteries explode out and veins slowly bleed out, I think Janis: you've already made your intentions clear Jimmy: have I? Janis: slow and painful death Jimmy: for me, not you Janis: yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: considerate Jimmy: sound more shocked, dickhead Janis: maybe I told you what I wanted already Jimmy: and what, you're never gonna tell me again? Janis: depends Jimmy: on? Janis: if you wanna hear it Jimmy: why wouldn't I? Janis: you're saved Janis: don't wanna drag you down Jimmy: what if I want you to? Janis: careful what you wish for Jimmy: fuck that Jimmy: If I'm wishing for it that means I want it Jimmy: I don't have wishes to waste on bollocks Janis: three's standard Janis: but won't do the whole, fucking you over 'cos you weren't specific enough/need to learn a valuable lesson bullshit Jimmy: leaves me one Janis: go on then Jimmy: tell me then Janis: I want slow and painful too Janis: I want you to kill me and drag me down Jimmy: I promise Janis: Good Jimmy: starting tomorrow, Jules Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: but it's today Jimmy: well past midnight by now Janis: okay Cinderella Janis: you didn't turn back into a pumpkin Jimmy: or melt under the 🚿 Janis: thank goodness Janis: don't want to have to keep a constant 👀 on you Jimmy: UGH fine, I won't give you the log ins for the stalker account Janis: and definitely DON'T video call me next time you need a 🚿 Janis: would just hate that Jimmy: fuming does suit you Janis: you are very frustrating Jimmy: without trying an' all Jimmy: 💭 if I were Janis: I can't bear to think about that Janis: to be honest Janis: I'll just Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: you can just Janis: can I Jimmy: yeah Janis: tomorrow Jimmy: *today Janis: right Janis: not gonna tell you I'm counting the minutes or anything but the fans would 💖 Jimmy: if I could count Janis: 🖕✌🤟 baby Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I'll show you how to do it backwards and everything Janis: but I'll let you be working with less alcohol more sleep Janis: I'm nothing if not fair Jimmy: and just 🤏 rude Janis: you like it Jimmy: never said I didn't Janis: just saying you do Jimmy: til I do, you can Jimmy: I'll need better working conditions to 🖋 the FULL list Janis: you'll have to at least tell me your conditions if you want them to be met Jimmy: you'll know when you've met them Janis: 😒 Jimmy: that won't be my face, for a start Janis: 🤞😁🤞 Janis: I remember Jimmy: bit far down the other end of the scale but alright Janis: 😊? Jimmy: have to get the red cheeks in, I 👀 you Janis: there's got to be something in it for me, like Janis: not a 😇 Jimmy: and you reckon that'll be all there is in it for you? Janis: they're your conditions Jimmy: but what kind of fake boyfriend would I be? Jimmy: not 🥇 Janis: assumed your ideal wouldn't have much fan pandering in it Jimmy: LOVE the fans, me Janis: my mistake Jimmy: another easy one, obvs Janis: it's the 😒 Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for his share of that blame Janis: didn't say I didn't like it Jimmy: you never said you did either Janis: yeah I have Janis: loads of times Jimmy: so say it again Janis: well fit and mysterious Janis: duh Jimmy: 😊 Janis: mm Janis: that's weird Jimmy: can't win with you Janis: I just Janis: what's that line Janis: like you, just as your are? Janis: go with that Jimmy: festive Jimmy: I bet his jumper were itchy Janis: just jealous of the rudolph one Jimmy: nowt else to be after from that posh lad Janis: his hair is nice Jimmy: I dunno I were looking further down Janis: 😂 Janis: his beautiful eyes, sure Jimmy: if you need to go have a bit of alone time with them visuals, crack on Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: if that's the technique you wanna use, nowt to do with me but Janis: shut up Janis: you wanna give me tips now Jimmy: I'd have to show you if I'm 🤐 Janis: you're always bragging about being good with your hands Jimmy: that'll be 'cause I am Janis: sure Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: if you're gonna slag me off in sign, way ahead of you Jimmy: depends on how shit of a review you give me for what I am gonna do Janis: seems unlikely Janis: track record, and how nice I am Jimmy: not doubting myself, Judith Jimmy: way ahead of you on how unlikely it is Janis: not sorry for wanting proof Jimmy: you won't be sorry when you get it Janis: come on Janis: stop teasing me Jimmy: I'll have a job to touch you from here Janis: 😣 Jimmy: I know Janis: 😠 on the scale, actually Jimmy: 😡 'cause it's festive and you reckon the colour suits me Janis: yes x2 Janis: on brand Jimmy: 💡🥇 hang on Jimmy: [a saucy lil video of how good he is with his hands on himself because the best we can do rn as far as proof goes] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: 🎁 Janis: you're just going to do that Janis: and act like you haven't killed me Jimmy: I said I would Janis: you weren't messing about Jimmy: slow and painful as I could manage Janis: I can see that Janis: Jesus, boy Jimmy: can't have you calling me a tease Janis: challenge accepted, yeah? Jimmy: always Janis: 🥇 is right Jimmy: for you, yeah Janis: it is for me Jimmy: Where are you on the scale now? Janis: If I could tell you how 🤯 I am, it wouldn't convey it Janis: speechless or 🥴 Jimmy: not gonna be a prick and call it a 🎄 miracle Janis: if I show you back you can call it that Janis: nice list still possible Jimmy: dunno if you can keep saving me and say you wanna drag me down but alright Janis: I want dragging you down to be fun, on both accounts Janis: what fun's a shit Christmas with no presents? Jimmy: you've given me loads of 🎁s Janis: if you don't wanna see me Jimmy: I'd never say that Janis: so say you wanna Jimmy: [voice memo just because] Janis: [some risque photos but not doing a video because we don't trust and the issues there sorry] Jimmy: [that's so real] Jimmy: speechless is right Janis: I just wanna show you I miss you too Jimmy: you did Jimmy: we're on the same page, no pisstake for once Janis: you have no idea Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: okay, some idea Janis: it's not 🥇 though Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I give the 🏆s out Janis: yours was better though Janis: but I'm not mad to take 🥈if it means I get to feel that Jimmy: you weren't expecting it, nowt else Janis: weren't expecting you is a good way to put it Jimmy: I get that Janis: I dunno Janis: I'm drunk and horny, that's all Jimmy: is it? Janis: I don't know Jimmy: alright Janis: 'tis the season Jimmy: 🥛🍪 Janis: he's been and gone, babe Janis: I checked Jimmy: he's in your 💘 forever, girl Janis: 2000 miles, yeah Jimmy: don't be get getting 🎄🎵 in my head Janis: I need to get you out of mine Jimmy: rude Janis: not like that Janis: it's your fault Jimmy: there's loads of room in your head for me Janis: ha ha Jimmy: let me stay Janis: how could I refuse Jimmy: Bill'd have suggestions Janis: he's not speaking to me right now Jimmy: it'd only be some bollocks with a fan Jimmy: like we don't have other ways to send secret 💌 Jimmy: what did you do to piss him off? Janis: like if I smack you 'round the head with it I might be a bit pissed off? 👍 Janis: his mind, honestly Janis: not being very 💘 right now Janis: letting you leave so easily, not very starcrossed of me Jimmy: I've got no complaints, he can leave his out Jimmy: before you start, I know that don't sound like me Jimmy: but if he's gonna be mardy, might as well break character and really do his head in Janis: he's got NOTES about the lack of ⛓⛓ Janis: but when I told him he was trying to compete with Dickens he went full 😒😒 instead of you 😱 Janis: meant to say FUCK OUR FAMILIES and be all about each other only, not, fair play, reckon you should go back before the kids wake up 🙄🤷 Jimmy: he can't say we didn't take that stage direction Jimmy: fuck Ian is written in every margin Janis: exactly Janis: he wants me to kick the 🐶 in the face or what? Jimmy: I think that were me Janis: doing the kicking or getting kicked Jimmy: obvs kicking the 🐕 Jimmy: but a 🥊 would be festive if you've got your 💘 set on it Janis: he's probably into some light ⚽🏀 torture Janis: I 👀 it in your future, Romeo Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 😏 Jimmy: how far in the future have you had a look? Janis: 🔮 NYE Jimmy: night of my 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I get it Janis: Obvs I cannot IMAGINE life after that Jimmy: duh Jimmy: what kind of life would it be Janis: NOT the one Bill wrote, that's for sure Jimmy: he ain't thinking about how fit you'd look in all that black Jimmy: I'll have a word Janis: I've not got an ugly cry face either Janis: just put that out there Jimmy: it's all coming up 🌹s Jimmy: he'll get his head round the rewrite and be chuffed to bits Janis: 👎 Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanted slow and painful Janis: not to fake 😭 forever Jimmy: set the date then, baby Janis: have to see where you are after your dad finds out Janis: doubt you'll be going anywhere before NYE Jimmy: he'll have his own murder to do Jimmy: can't have Sharon pining forever AND have all the 💔😭🎻 for himself Janis: ooh fun Janis: odds on he'll strangle her though, predictable Jimmy: Dunno if he's got the stamina for it Jimmy: might have to just smack her with something Jimmy: gutted he don't have any 🏆 Janis: 😬 #cantrelate 💘🙌💪 Jimmy: can't escape the comparisons, me Jimmy: ⛏ or 🔦 from his mining days'll do 🤞 Janis: get caught for keeping the murder weapon Janis: just can't let go Janis: I like it for him Jimmy: coal dust at the scene of the crime and her last meal were 🥧🥔🍺 Janis: 😂 Janis: was nice of him to make sure she was fed Janis: blame, where??? Janis: 🥇 bloke Jimmy: she'll have made it for him but if she don't crack on to them leftovers how'll she have enough stamina herself to do the washing up Jimmy: he's learnt from past mistakes there Janis: don't smack her 'til the chores are done? Janis: keep that in mind Janis: thought it was his motivational tactic Jimmy: and get the next one to clean up the 🩸🦷 so you can't hang about smacking that Sharon's arse an' all Janis: got a system Janis: almost have to respect it Jimmy: @ him Jimmy: best 🎄🎁 going Janis: I'll pop out a box tomorrow if he likes Jimmy: you got one massive enough? Janis: oi Janis: fat shame me on christmas Jimmy: 🗨 about nowt but your head Jimmy: but 💭 about it, doing your 🦒 neck in would be AGONY Janis: OFFER 👏 ME 👏 A 👏 MASSAGE 👏 OMG Janis: -100 #goals points Jimmy: give me chance, dickhead Jimmy: you ain't even out the box yet Janis: not in it Janis: let me eat my dinner and unwrap my presents first Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: don't be taking #goals points off me Janis: well you'll have to think of your own idea now Janis: can't copy me Jimmy: easy Janis: we'll see Jimmy: making it sound like I ain't had loads of 💡🥇 already is a bit of a pisstake but alright Janis: not that easy Janis: I've already been well too nice to you Jimmy: ❌ out the bit where you're chatting bollocks and we're left with the right amount of nice Janis: 🎅 is the ONLY man who makes those kind of calls Janis: how dare you Jimmy: ain't stopping him 📞 in Janis: alright if you reckon he'll side with you Jimmy: I'll talk him round if he's pissing about on yours Janis: Good luck he doesn't do sign Janis: and I don't think he could understand your accent either Jimmy: better at not talking, me Janis: hoe Jimmy: #seducesanta probably already trending Janis: unoriginal but popular Janis: basically this plan in a nutshell Jimmy: I'm nowt if not on brand Jimmy: and #suckingoffsantaclaus is a bit Jimmy: it's just not mysterious enough Janis: SO weird no 😎 Jimmy: what else is he 📞 at this time of the morning for? Jimmy: bloody tease Janis: he's just finished work and he wants to debrief Janis: it's like you don't even care Janis: one-track mind 🙄 Jimmy: UGH fine #spooningsanta Janis: 🥉 you tried Jimmy: he'll rate it Jimmy: you're too jealous to give me any credit is all Janis: oh please Jimmy: stop begging, I can't cuddle you from there Jimmy: you'll have to get a lift with 🎅 Janis: 😑 twat Jimmy: soz I'm not a 🦧 Janis: that's my type now? Jimmy: I dunno what other animals have long arms Jimmy: you tell me Jimmy: 🐍 spooning just sounds like I'm gonna suffocate you Janis: 🐙 Janis: and 😍😍🤤 Jimmy: SHIT that'd have been a top one Jimmy: fucking hell Janis: 🏆 Janis: what do I win? Jimmy: I'm too fuming to 💭 Janis: rude Jimmy: blame that 🐙 dickhead Jimmy: making me look even thicker than my face does Janis: soz you can't compete with me or tentacles Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: who's 🦑 an' all? Janis: 😬 Janis: at least it's not 🦐 boy Janis: remember him Jimmy: how could I forget? Jimmy: what a #lad Janis: yeah Janis: no arms at all there though Janis: ❌❌❌ Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you can have him Janis: he'll be so 😁 Jimmy: and what, you're saying grateful is my type? Janis: as that would be a fake self-drag Janis: I would NEVER Jimmy: 🦐'll have to live without me Jimmy: or 💀💀💀 if we're starting that trend Janis: he might be that gutted when you're gone Janis: if I have the misfortune of having to stick around here and be a 👻 Janis: I'll let you know, somehow Jimmy: 🤞 him and all the other dickheads who do your head in Jimmy: 'cause you won't be a 👻 unless you have unfinished bollocks Jimmy: and I reckon that's gotta be a bit more than 🐕🏃 so you'll be alright Janis: tah for your expert opinion Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: rot in peace, my dear 💕 Janis: with so little going on, how could I not Jimmy: it's a done deal Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 🥀 Janis: think one of the kids has woken up Janis: brb Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [obviously we're dipping] Jimmy: [you wanna post this then gal it's probably long af] Janis: [we can start actually xmas day in a different convo if you wanna yeah]

[fluffychubbyrose]

Fili x Bashful Chubby Reader. 1/?

Warnings- Slight gore and Fili from the hobbit may be more oc than some readers would like. First time writing a hobbit fanfic. Sorry if I make any mistakes on places, names, roles ect.

Shout out to @findingmyselfalone for the request! Thank you, and I hope this lives up to your hopes for this fic! I apologize more than you know for how long it has taken me to write this fic and I'm so sorry for the long wait. I've been so busy and haven't had much time to work on it, but here it is and I hope you like it!

(I of course do not own The Hobbit an Unexpected Journey, or the characters from the hobbit. Nor do I own the pictures below.)

P.s. to clear up any confusion about knowing Bilbo Baggins since him and the reader where children is because the reader is half hobbit and half human while five foot is tall for a hobbit it's normal height for a human woman. I'm prolonging the meeting between Radagast and Gandalf so they're still riding/traveling through the mountains for a while before they meet and face the giant spiders.

Gandalf recruited me to join the company for my skills as a herbalist. I was reluctant and nervous at first when he explained that I would be accompanying thirteen dwarves, himself and Bilbo. I was unsure about traveling with thirteen men I've never met before and trusting them to protect me and in turn I treat their wounds and give them medical care when needed. I was undecided still because I had planned on opening up my own herbalist shop soon, but when the place I was going to buy was bought out from under me before I had enough coin, I figured a little bit of adventure would be a good distraction from this devastating disappointment.

Luckily do to having to travel long distances to get specific ingredients to treat different ailments, I'm well equipped in travel and my black female clydesdale named Midnight is used to heavy loads and long cold roads. I'm far to tall and big to ride a pony plus she's able to carry all of my supplies and my weight which is heavier than most women of my age and stature in general. I packed her up with all the essentials I'd need for basic ailment treatments such as colds and wound care so nothing gets infected. Along with other basic necessities such as changes of clothes, my bed roll, blankets, and preserved foods enough for a month's ration including breads and the ingredients and supplies to make bread if we get the time while traveling. I also have a few pounds of various smoked meats, jams, and pickled vegetables.

Even though Gandalf assured me there would be plenty of food and to not worry about bringing any of my own, I'm used to packing food just in case I want a quick meal while collecting herbs, that way I have it with me, so by now it's habit and I won't go without being prepared just in case. After a short ride I arrived at Bilbo Baggins house and tied my horse to a tree. "Stay girl I'll be back by dawn." I've been friends with the hobbit for a long while. His mother was a like a sister to my mother, and in turn we were around each other a lot.

He knows how shy I am around new people, hell it took me a year to be comfortable and confident enough to be true to myself around the sweet mannered hobbit when we where children, and my shyness hasn't improved at all over the years if anything it's worsened. I know he has to be dreading some, if not all of these dwarves arrival so I cant help but think the worst. Lost in my thoughts I didn't notice Bilbo suddenly open the door. "Oh hello miss Y/n, I hope you weren't waiting out in the cold for long. Please, hurry inside." Bilbo lead me inside with a sigh.

"Hello Bilbo do you need any help with anything for the guests." "How did you know? What is going on here, and yes there's two men here I have never meet before and they said they expected food and lots of it. So um if you want to start cooking for me in the kitchen that way I keep an eye on the uninvited guests that would be a great help, if you wouldn't mind." " No not at all that's why I asked, and what do you mean. Gandalf said he was getting people together for an adventure, he said it was going to be him, you, me and thirteen dwarves." "Thirteen?!!" "Yes? Were you not informed about this and that we where supposed to meet here?" "No, I was not informed in the slightest." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Would you like me to leave?"

"Oh no please stay and help me with them, the two dwarves who are currently here are rading through my pantry looking for food." "Well everything I need should be in the kitchen so I'll just sneak in there and start cooking for everyone, seeing as you weren't expecting any guests tonight so you didn't get to prepare for their arrival." "Oh, thank you miss Y/n that helps a lot." "Your welcome Bilbo." As I was about to head off to the kitchen I can hear the commotion coming from the dining room, no wonder he looks so stressed sounds like there's some bears in there instead of dwarves.

I enter the kitchen missing Bilbo trying to turn away the two dwarve princes and failing, ending up with them shoving past him into the house. It took me two hours but everything was done cooking besides the rolls and a few things need to be heated up a little more or reheated. The whole time I was cooking there was all kinds of commotion coming from the other rooms I'm assuming everyone has finally arrived. As I was getting ready to bring the food out to the dining room to be served up I hear singing. I waited and listened as best I could to the merry tune until the singing was done and then started to load dishes up onto trays, there was three in total and each tray was heavy but not overwhelmingly so.

I grabbed the first tray and started heading towards the dining room, I was shaking slightly and flushed from nerves. There was conversations throughout the room but when I walked through the door all went silent and I started to shake a little harder and it felt like my face was engulfed in flames. Trying not to let their stares get to me anymore than they already have, I started putting the dishes onto the table. I quickly exited the room without a word and avoiding eye contact with everyone. Once I reached the kitchen I let out a series of shaky breaths and grabbed another tray.

'Come on Y/n it's nothing you haven't dealt with before, you can do this. Your going to have to travel with them for a few months, so you need to get used to them being around sooner rather than later.' I can hear the conversation start back up, and when I neared the dining room again I could hear that the conversation was about me, they where mentioning my name but I couldn't make out what was being said. 'Oh no not already, I was hoping they wouldn't react like this about me and my weight.' I sigh more anxious than ever and when I come in the room this time I'm startled and surprised to be bombarded with questions from the thirteen new comers.

"Your going to be traveling with us lass?" "Should a fine thing like yourself really be going on risky adventures?" "How well can you cook?" "Oh do you need help? Let me get that." "Wanna sit next to me?" Everyone was bustling around and asking so many questions I only was able to catch a few of them. The tray I was carrying was taken from my hands before I could give an answer and I was surrounded by dwarves. "I'm Fili this is Kili and that's Dwalin, Balin, Dori, Nori, Ori, Oin, Gloin, Bifur, Bombur, and the grump over there is Thorin." I was getting overwhelmed.

"Enough, leave her be!" Gandalf raised from his seat and looked over everyone. "Y/n You may seat next to me and Bilbo thank you for making and bringing the food out for our guests." "Yy-our welcome." I stuttered out, looking at my shoes. "There's one more tray of food, I'll get it real quick." I mumbled out turning back around towards the kitchen. "Oh no don't worry about that little one, Bombur go get the last tray of food from the kitchen for miss Y/n. Now sit child." The one dwarf I now know as Bombur hurried off to the kitchen while I took my seat with Bilbo on my left and Gandalf on his left, while on my right was the dwarf who tried to introduced me to everyone by telling me their names and pointing to them, I think he said his name was Fili?

'Yeah that sounds right.' Usually I wouldn't eat in front of new people because I was insecure but I haven't eaten since early afternoon and I'm starved, plus everyone is basically fighting over the food so they won't notice me. I loaded up my plate with some meat, roasted potatoes, a roll, and a slice of the vanilla cake I made. I kept my head down while Bombur placed the last tray in front of me, it was the tray with the cooked vegetables I was about to serve myself some of the boiled green beans when the blonde dwarf next to me gently grabbed my arm. I blushed brighter than a tomato and tried to take my arm back, while also trying to hide my face. "Here let me lass." His hold stayed as he set my arm by my side.

He was dishing up the green beans onto my plate for me. 'What's going on? What do I do?' He let go and gave me sideways glance and smirked at me, then continued to eat his own food like nothing happened. That was my first personal encounter with Fili whom I later found out was a dwarven prince. My first impression of him was that he was nice but a charmer and I wasn't looking to get hurt or humiliated, not again. After I finished my plate full of food I quietly excused myself and went into the kitchen to wash my dishes, and after I was done I went to the spare room I usually stay in when I visit Bilbo locked the door and put on my night clothes and curled up in the bed. 'Tomorrow the adventure starts.' We'll see where I end up from here.

-

-

(Time skip to when the pack pony with almost all of the food got spooked and ran away.)

-

-

After making camp in a dryer spot, still wet but not drenched completely from the rains. We started setting up our beds and a fire, I unpacked the persevered food I had and gave it to Bofur to make dinner for us all with. I took my bed roll and a change of clothes out of the large saddle pack and set the bed roll and clothes in a spot more secluded from everyone but still having light to see from the fire raging in the middle of camp. Now that my bed is set up I walk Midnight to the field with the ponies to graze and rest, then I can change into my dry clothes once I'm away from the rambunctious dwarves. ' I'm so tired, I used to find their loud songs and jokes amusing and pleasant but not when I haven't been able to get more than three hours of sleep in the last five days, I'm tempted to set up my bed roll by the field Midnight will be in, at least she'll be quieter than that lot.'

When I was done setting up my bed roll and finished unpacking Midnignt along with taking her saddle and blanket off, I heard dinner was ready. I ate my share of what I assumed was a type of stew with a side of sliced bread and jam spread on it. When I finished I grabbed my change of clothes and told Bilbo where I was heading and he asked me if I could take Fili and Kili their food so he could eat before there wasn't any left since I had already I ate, and of course I accepted. I simply tied Midnights lead to my waist, tucked my clothes I'm my sachel and carried a bowl in each hand and walked towards the field and pens. When I got there however both brothers where pacing and looked worried. "What's wrong?" I questioned softly.

"Oh um nothing really." Fili grumbled. "Where supposed to be watching over the ponies, and problem is there's supposed to be sixteen." Kili said quickly "But there's only fourteen." Fili sighed. "But don't worry we'll find out what happened to them and get them back." Kili finished. "What?" I gasped, almost dropping there food. Shoving the bowls of food into their chests I turn around and start taking Midnight back to camp. "Wait lass, don't go telling everyone the ponies are missing just yet, I'll get the ponies back no worries. Me and Kili saw a fire farther up into the valley, were certain that's where the ponies are."

I walked closer to camp with Midnight in tow, Fili grabbed my arm "Please lass I'm begging ya." I shook his arm off and he gave me a hurt look while I just walked her to a tree far away from the others so she would be safe. "I wasn't going to, but I think it would be a better idea to have everyone confronting these thieves." I muttered quietly. "Yes but Thorin would have my head over this, I'd never hear the end of it." "Y/n? Y/n? Are you still over here?" Bilbo shouted. "Oi she is." Kili yelled back. Soon Bilbo came out of the treeline. "Why didn't you come back to the camp? Are you trying to find herbs up here or are those two keeping you?"

"Oh good, as our official burglar, Daisy and Bungo are missing. We thought you might want to look into it." "Wait, um okay. Well it looks like something big uprooted these trees. Something very big and possibly quite dangerous." Bilbo said sounding distraught and startled. "Hey there's a light. Over here." He waved me and Kili over. "Stay down." Kili whispered. As we neared the source of the light we can hear laughter and some sort of being talking. "What, what is it?" Bilbo asked. "Trolls." was all Kili growled out making us all fall silent. Kili jumped over the fallen tree we where behind and started running towards the light source Fili ran after him, so I followed.

Bilbo went back and retrived their food they left behind before catching up to us but before he reached us a troll came out of the treeline carrying two of the ponies. Fili grabs me and pushes me down further behind the fallen tree we where hiding behind. Bilbo and Kili are behind their own tree's not to far away. The troll was walking towards where the fire is holding the two ponies under his arms. "Well that confirms that it was in fact a troll who stole our ponies, now how do we get them back undetected." Fili whispers. "He has Minty." Bilbo hisses. The troll stops and looks at our log.

Fili grabs me around my waist his hand on my soft belly and pulls me close, I'm basically nestled into his side trying to hide from the troll. I feel like my face is on fire, I gulp and try to wiggle away. "Stay still lass or he'll find us." He hissed barely audible at me. Trying to be quiet, when he looked at me and noticed my embarrassment and discomfort and yet he just smirked slightly. The troll lost interest and walked away out of site with the ponies. The coast was clear but Fili hadn't let go. He stands up taking me with him, his hand falling to my hip and giving it a slight squeeze. Bilbo clears his throat making Fili let go of me, but my blush won't fade. I have my head lowered and fiddle with my hands trying to look anywhere but the men around me, thoroughly embarrassed.

"We have to do something." Bilbo whisper shouts. "Yes you should, Mountian trolls are slow and stupid, and your so small they will never see you. It's perfectly safe, and we'll be right behind you." Kili announced clapping Bilbo on his back. "Yes and if you run into trouble whoot twice like a barn owl and once like a brown owl." Fili finished pushing Bilbo towards the path to the trolls campsite. Fili turns around facing me and says. "Okay Y/n I need you to stay put right here so you can go and alert the others in case we need help, and if and when you do I want you to get your horse and take off for cover a ways away from camp staying safe until we come find you." "But I can help. I can stay hidden and safe but have your backs as well by shooting my bow from behind the cover of the tree's." I argued quietly and meekly. "Y/n lass I'd rather you be far away from the trolls, and the fight between us and them if it comes to that, so there's no way you can possibly get hurt."

"Alright that's fine I guess. When do I know if I need to get the others for help?" I questioned softly and unsurely. "We'll yell for ya to go get Thorin and everyone if it turns bad." Kili said. "Now go and get your horse then come back to us but don't get to close, only close enough to hear us yell and then ride your horse as fast as possible to Thorin and the company. After that you need to go hide away at a safe distance where the trolls won't be able to find ya. Got that lass?" Fili finished giving me a stern and slightly concerned look. "Yeah." I sighed out and turned around and started walking back towards Midnight.

'I'll help by getting Thorin and the company, but I won't go run and hide. I knew what I was getting into when I decided to come on this adventure.' Set with my decision I started to plan what I was going to do to help if a fight breaks out. 'I can't exactly run in there with a sword and start swinging like the dwarves will. I'm not skilled in swordsmanship at all, but I can shoot my bow and arrow and almost never miss.' 'If I can get on top of one of the ridges or hills of the valley close and above the trolls I'll have the best shot and chance of doing any real damage to the massive creatures.' I made sure the remaining ponies where saddled and loaded up with all their supplies and that they all had leads on so if need be I can attach them six together and then attach six to each side of Midnight and run them and myself to a safer location.

Soon after I retrieved Midnight I lead her back up to camp and packed everything up and saddled her and her packs up and was almost unnoticed but of course Thorin saw and walked up to me. "What are you doing lass? Shouldn't she be out in the pasture with the ponies grazing and resting. Unless there's something wrong that your not telling me?" "Trolls took four of the ponies and now Bilbo is trying to get them back from them undetected and Fili and Kili are waiting by in case he needs help."

I squeaked out so quickly I was stammering over my words and jumbling them together. Thorin let out a deep sigh pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. "Well where just going to have to go and see if they do indeed need our help taking down these trolls, which I'm sure they do by now." "Come everyone and bring your weapons we have some trolls to slay tonight!" He yelled with confidence and conviction in his voice not a worry in the world about defeating these trolls.

After they raced of out of sight I finished packing up Midnight and rode towards the trolls camp, going a longer way to get up on a hill behind them. When I reached them and had a clear view it was a terrifying scene. The trolls had every single dwarf in burlap sacks up to there neck some where in a pile while the others where tied onto a roasting stick above a huge campfire being turned by one of the trolls. Bilbo was in a sack as well but he was standing and talking to the trolls. 'This is bad, very bad. What am I supposed to do now? Maybe I can shoot and aim for there eyes and redirect their attention towards me.'

I aim for the troll who started yelling something all Bilbo as he stomps towards him and the dwarves. 'Here goes nothing.' It was a perfect shot the arrow pierced the trolls eye. "Yes!" I whispered excitedly. The trolls screaming stumbling back holding his hands over his eye, the other two race up and huddle around him trying to help the other troll.

The trolls are still distracted but I know it won't last long so I shoot another arrow into the side of another trolls eye, he screams in agony and cups his face like the first. The third troll looks towards me on the hill yells something unintelligible and launges towards my hiding spot I shoot fast and miss. I shoot again and it's another miss he's almost reached me I shoot one last time and this time I puntured one of his eyes so he's blinded and distracted as well.

The third troll although partially blind is still reaching and climbing towards me. 'Time to go!' I hop on Midnight and I'm about to race off towards the other side of the hill when I hear a shout "The dawn will take you all!" 'Gandalf?' I whip my head around trying to find where he is or at least where the voice was coming from. The giant boulder to my left cracks in half and the sun from dawn shines onto the trolls turning them into stone I look on top of the boulder and there stands Gandalf. The dwarves all shout with joy at being saved.

I smile and look down towards the dwarves and start taking Midnight down the hill towards them. Once I'm down I dismount and started untying the dwarves on the ground while Gnadalf puts out the fire and unties Bilbo they start untying the dwarves on the make shift roasting stick.

Each dwarf said their thanks as I finished untying them one by one until the last dwarf to untie was Fili I was hoping one of the others would untie him because I already know he's going to be angry with me for staying and fighting in my own way when he told me to leave and hide. "So lass you where the one shooting the arrows I presume?" "Yes." I mumbled softly while untying him. Once he was free he stood with a frown on his face and signed out his nose. "I recall telling you to stay as far away as possible." "You did but if it's in my power to help then I will." I said softly but with conviction in my voice.

"That's fine and understandable when your life wasn't in danger that troll almost reached you, if Gandalf arrived and cracked that boulder even a minute later who knows what that troll would have done Y/n! You could have been killed!" His voice slowly raised and everyone was discretely listening in and watching. "So could have all of you. I'm fine and so is everyone else, I can handle myself if you didn't notice." I whisper shouted with my face heating from anger and embarrassment of being treated like I'm some foolish child. I walked off towards Midnight.

"Gandalf I'm going to retrieve the rest of the ponies I'll be back please await my return." I said meekly. "Of course child we'll be here but then we need to head off again." "Figured as such." I rode off upset and frustrated. 'I know I put myself in danger but I had no choice I wasn't going to stand by while they where possibly getting killed, or worse eaten. I thought Fili would have been at least a little bit nicer or happy that I could protect myself.' I sigh sadly and break midnight into a gallup from a trot. It didn't take me very long to reach the ponies I attach six to each side like I prepped for and start trotting them back towards everyone at the trolls camp. When I arrived Fili and Thorin where arguing.

"Thats just isn't how you go about things, I raised you better than that, and you know how to start a courtship! If your interested then start one instead of trying to boss your interest around it won't work you'll only drive them further away." Fili was about to retort but when I can into view all went silent and instead he stormed off towards the other ponies that where stolen. 'What was all that about? Why was Thorin lecturing Fili on courting? Does he have a love interest?'

My sour mood worsened slightly. 'I wonder who the lucky lady is? I knew I shouldn't have fathomed the idea of us two, it was just a silly crush there's no way a prince would be interested in a half blooded hobbit if how he treats Bilbo is any indication of how much he likes us hobbits.'

"Trolls can't travel in day light so there must be a cave near by." Gandalf announced. 'I guess that's where we'll be heading.' We rode for a short ways and where nearing the trolls cave. Once we arrived at the trolls cave the dwarves tied the ponies while I tied Midnight so they won't wander or get spooked off. Once they entered the cave a pungent smell wafted up reaching my nose from outside where I'm watching over the ponies and Midnight even from afar it was horrendous. "Whats that stinch?" One of the dwarves asks speaking my exact thoughts. "Its a troll horde, be careful what you touch." There conversation dwindles down and the further they go the less I can hear.

"Well girl I guess it's just you me and the ponies." I say as I reach into a pack and start checking her over one of her shoes came undone and her hooves need to be trimmed down some I haven't had much of a chance to tend to her hooves lately. 'Sorry my sweet girl.' I'll check the ponies hooves once I'm done with Midnight though they don't have shoes on so I'm assuming as long as there's no cracks or splitters anywhere on them they shouldn't need any work done like the annual trimming Midnight requires. I gave her some grain as a snack before I start working on her feet so she doesn't get moody with me.

By the time I trimmed and put new shoes on all four of Midnights hooves they dwarves emerged from the cave Thorin first looking incredibly angry and then the others followed last to come out of the cave was Bilbo carrying what looked with him holding it a half sword but I'm certain that its a dagger. 'Strange Bilbo would never use a weapon or even think of it, I wonder why he has that?' I'll check the ponies hooves this evening when there put in a pasture to eat and rest. "Alright let's head off where wasting daylight!" Thorin shouted. I pet Midnight as I untie her and put her reigns on packing the lead away, I then mount her stearing her towards the others whom have just finished mounting their ponies and horse as well.

Gandalf and Thorin lead the way from the cave back towards our route. I stayed behind the others still upset from what happened and what I over heard earlier that morning. We rode for hours until it was almost dusk and then Gandalf called for us to setup camp I walked Midnight to the makeshift enclosed pasture after I unloaded her of her packs and saddle except two with my change of clothes the necessities to bathe and my equipment for the ponies hooves at the stream near the pasture. I also left her saddle blanket on because it's been getting really chilly at night even though her breed is built for the cold I still worry. After she was settled with the others I went and started to check everyone's hooves before I'd bathe, they tolerated me messing with there feet well and only the two pack ponies needed some splitters filed away which only took a moment.

"Y/n I'm plenty capable of watching over the ponies and Midnight despite what happened last night, should rest lo-lass." He stuttered and a blush tinted his ears. 'What was he about to say? Sounded like he was going to call me love. But that can't be true.' I flushed slightly. "I know you can but, I wanted to check everyone's hooves and bathe by the creek." The last words coming out no louder than a meek whisper, though Fili clearly had no trouble hearing what I said by the full flush crawling up his face. He coughed "Well um alright I'll go back to camp and make sure no one bothers you, I'll come check on you periodically by calling your name from behind the tree cover over there alright, but if you don't respond back I'm coming over here and looking for ya alright lass?"

"Yeah that's fine." I squeaked out, avoiding his gaze and grabbing the packs off of Midnight as Fili walked back towards camp once he's out of view I lay a blanket down and wrap another around my shoulders and strip of my clothing using the cloth and soap I have to wash up the waters to cold to be submerged in the water fully or even partly. ' It feels so good to scrub all the dirt, sweat, and grime off its been awhile since I last bathed I know I must reak.' I sigh blissfully even though I'm freezing at least I'm getting clean.

I scrubbed my entire body except the hard to reach parts on my back, I first pulled any debris out of my hair and comes through it with my hands then I had to bend down my belly squishing up against my chubby thighs in order to wash the dirt and grease out of my hair in the creek. The bubbling creek was soothing and calming even as cold as it was, I looked around my surroundings again before dipping my whole head under to wash all the soap away. I repeated this several times until I was certain my hair was grease and grime free, yanking my head up the last time making my hair fling back I gasped in a breathe winded from the cold water.

I screamed and covered myself when a hand landed on my bare shoulder only my legs and thighs exposed until I curled them under myself and curled up into myself slightly trying to hide myself. "Y/n lass, calm down it's just me Fili I called three times and you didn't answer I didn't mean to frighten ya but you frightened me by not answering." I peaked up at Fili my face and chest flushed. I mumbled a few incoherent words, not be able to respond because of my embarrassment. 'I can't believe Fili just saw me so exposed like this, he's probably disappointed with what he saw.' "If your done washing up, and once your finished getting dressed as an apology for frightening you and be so hard on ya this morning, I'll braid your hair for you once you are done." He mumbled out with his own embarrassment showing on his face though he had a dazed expression. He walked a ways a away so I could have some privacy.

I dressed quickly I was finished bathing anyways though the interuption destroyed the calmness I was feeling it was now replaced with anxious embarrassment my heart is racing uncontrollably and my hands are shaking as I dress and put my socks and shoes on. 'I can't believe I didn't hear him call not even once, I knew he would check up on me why didn't I listen for him, it's my fault.' I packed up the dirty clothes and hung up the wet blankets so they could dry and I'll wash the clothes later. I walked towards the middle of the field where Fili was sitting with his back facing me playing with something in his hands, with the last dry blanket I had was wrapped around my shoulders.

"You never did answer if you would accept my apology by braiding your hair for you. You don't have to accept Y/n if you don't want to." "No it's alright I accept your apology and if you want I wouldn't mind you braiding my hair." I mumbled looking at my feet on dew damp grass. "Well then sit down in front of me lass." I sat down partly on my blanket as to not sit on the damp grass and get my clothes damp. I handed him my brush and tie, pulling the blanket tighter around myself still cold and embarrassed. He brushed through my hair and combed through it with his fingers if I didn't know any better I'd say he was playing with my hair, either way it felt nice I was leaning into his touch subconsciously.

He started to braid my hair in an interact design putting in small colored ribbons and dwarven embroidered metal clasps here and there. When he finished I was disappointed because I was enjoying the affectionate jester and knew that this would likely not happen again. "There you go, all done. Now before we go back to camp and get some rest since it's Kili's turn to watch over the ponies for sure by now. Let's eat, I know you left before the food was ready and if I didn't bring any down here away from those lot there wouldn't even be a drop of food left for ya."

He finished lifting up his spare coat that was lying on the grass showing two big bowls of stew and a whole loaf of bread. I turned around so I was facing Fili and just looking at the food made me realise how hungry I really was, my stomach growled loudly. I blushed and put my head down muttering a small "Thank you." "Your welcome Y/n but it was no problem really the hard part was sneaking a whole loaf of bread away." He said with a hearty chuckle handing me the stew after he tore the loaf of bread in half and set it in the bowl. He dug right in, I looked at him with appreciation and a goofy smile on my face and then started eating. 'Today wasn't so bad after all.'

[guillotinedangel]

Day 01. RESET

Based on the January 2019 prompt list published by @downwithwritersblock

The future is now.

Author: @blackpaladintshirogane

Ship: Klance

Characters: Keith, Lance, Acxa, Zethrid, Ezor.

Warning: S8 spoilers, offensive language.

Summary: During a BOM benefic delivery, Keith encounters a rebel resistance Galra group that attacks him an puts his life in jeopardy. Fearing he may die anytime even thought the war is over, he flies to Altea to find Lance and confess his feelings.

Song:

"Keith, do you copy?"

Acxa's voice sounded, worried, on the other side of the comms. She had been trying for a while now to reach her captain, but there was no sign of him since he had gone down to the planet they were currently in, looking for signs of life they could help.

Now that the war was over, the Blade of Marmora had been renewed. They were still incredible skilled warriors but now their duties had been changed to deliver help to the places in the Universe that had been affected by the battles and the destruction. They usually did not have any trouble but today it had been different and Keith, who always took the responsibility of patrolling the area before landing, was not answering his team's call.

"Maybe we should go down ourselves, just in case" Ezor suggested, also worried by the lack of answer.

"Give the little one a bit more time. He's tough" Zethrid added.

"This is weird"

Acxa worked on the ship's panel of control, trying to look for anything she could possibly do, but she got jack.

Meanwhile, on the ground , Keith was running for his life.

Panting, with his lungs already aching every time he gasped for air, the boy was trying to escape his persecutors, who he could hear, yelling to each other, only a few steps behind him.

The attack had taken him by surprise, but, still, he was punishing himself for being so careless. If he hadn't been agile enough, his blood would be painting a beautiful canvas on the rocky landscape of the planet.

It had been Garla, nonetheless, the ones who had tried to kill him. Maybe that was the reason why he was running and not fighting back: the shock he had upon seeing the purple skinned soldiers, referring to him as paladin of Voltron, even though it had been years since the lions had abandoned them.

"Acxa!! Ezor!! Zethrid!! Somebody!? Do you copy me!?" he shouted over the comms between gasps, but the plain and cold static answered him.

Tired already, desperately trying to reach his team for help, Keith did not see the rift splitting the ground in two at his feet and he fell right on it, with a cry of pain, hitting his ribs on the ledge and spraining his right ankle on the deep hole. Soon enough, he was able to feel the warm blood running, tickling his skin under his tight suit.

He struggled to get himself out, not caring about injuring himself even more, but in vain. The rift was shallow but too narrow, so he was trapped on it. Little was worth all his screaming and cursing, and then a shadow hovered over him and the click of a gun and an evil laugh reached his ears.

"Look at you. The mighty Red Paladin, trapped like a rat in a hole on the ground. Pathetic"

"Fuck you" Keith growled , angryly, which earned him a kick on the head that made him spit blood out of his mouth.

"Shut it, and try not to keep spilling blood over my new skin trophy. Now. You're gonna be a good boy, and tell us where the rest of your team is"

"What are you even barking about? Haven't you heard the war is over?"

Keith could almost hear how the big warrior gritted his sharp teeth.

"We know, but you worms are still alive. That's insulting to us, to the memory of our great Emperor Zarkon. You destroyed it all!! We want our revenge!!"

"Then get me out of here and I'll show you the blade Zarkon tasted!!"

His words had the effect required and the soldier grabbed Keith by his neck and raised him in the air and out of the rift like a flower out of its soil, to throw him on the ground under his feet with anger. The boy twisted in pain to the impact. He probably had a few ribs broken.

"I'll break every single bone in your tiny body"

"Fuck you" Keith cursed again at him, but before the soldier could even point his gun at him, he was brought down alongside his companions by three figures that appeared out of nowhere.

"Keith!!" Acxa shouted, upon seeing her captain on the floor, the blood starting to shine through the dark fabric of the suit.

The three warriors ran to help him.

"The blade Zarkon tasted?? Do you have a death wish? " Zethrid faced him while Acxa and Ezor inspectioned his wounds.

"Stupid human" Acxa mumbled between her teeth, "It wasn't even you who finished Zarkon. It was Lotor"

"Who cares. I had to win some time and it worked, right? " Keith whispered, feeling how the exhaustion was starting to catch up to his muscles and brain.

"They were going to kill you!"

"No. I can't... I can't die. I have to do something first"

"Yeah? Like what?"

____________________________________________

The day had dawned sunny and warm, and Lance was heading for the orchard to take care of his crops, with one of the altean kids that lived alongside him and other alien families on the farm he had retired to after the war was over, seeking peace of mind and relaxation after all the stress and fear that it had brought upon them. What he did not expect to receive were the news of the arrival of a stranger warrior out of the mouth of another of the children that were running around, and even less it being Keith in the flesh.

"Wow, that mullet gets worse with the years" Lance jokingly said as soon as his former partner was close enough to hear him.

Keith laughed to his words, but he merely managed to scoff. His broken ribs pained him too much to actually burst a laughter and, even though he tried to hide it, he was limping. Also, Lance knew him all too well.

"Are you okay?" the Cuban asked, with a worried look on his blue eyes.

"Just a mission that went wrong. Nothing to worry about"

Lance raised an eyebrow.

"A mission? I thought the Blade was doing humanitarian work now?"

"Um, yeah we do..." Keith wondered his eyes away from Lance's, "But I... Found myself with some old glories that recognized me. And they weren't nice to me"

"Okay, you're coming with me now. You need to lay down"

Keith half smiled upon seeing Lance's face, frowning with a troubled look. He would have tried to argue with him over it, but he knew there would be no way to make him desist, so he followed his friend to his home, were Lance made him lay on a very comfortable couch while he made some hot coffee.

"There you go" he said, offering him a cup, "Now would you tell me why you're here? Do you need a place to heal your wounds? You can stay if you want"

The offering took Keith by surprise. He hadn't even thought about that possibility.

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah! We have plenty of room here and I could use..." Lance stopped himself before saying what was roaming his mind and blushed to the very thought of even telling Keith what he actually wanted to say, "You'd be welcome"

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"The sentence you didn't finish" Keith teased him, accommodating himself on the couch.

"Stay on your back" Lance ordered him in a soft voice, avoiding the question at the same time.

"I'll stay if you make me"

"Wha... What?"

Lance's face lighted up like a lighthouse and Keith smiled softly at him.

"I came here for a reason, Lance. I... I almost died in this mission--"

"You what!?"

"Let me finish! Dammit! Those soldiers almost killed me and the thing is... I could not stop thinking about... About how much I regretted not visiting you more often. Not... Talking to you since months ago. Not being by your side"

"What do you mean with all that, Keith?"

"Fuck! Lance!" Keith snapped, making a pinch of pain flood his chest on the process, "I'm not good with this feelings shit..."

The Cuban boy smiled.

"You mean to tell me you missed me, mullet?" Lance asked with a cheeky grin.

"Yes but, not only that"

Keith's cheeks started to dye red as he spoke. He wanted to shout it at Lance, but what if his friend did not feel the same?

Suddenly Lance raised from his seat and approached him, kneeling by his side, on the floor.

"What else then?" he asked with shiny eyes, placing his hand on Keith's knee. His altean marks seemed to flash for a second.

"I... I was scared, Lance. I thought I'd die and I'd never see you again. I'd never get to tell you that... Fuck... That I love you, dammit. That's it, I said it, now you can reject me or hate me if you want"

Keith stared into the black liquid that filled his mug, trying to ignore the feeling of crying that was crowling its way up his chest. He was regretting his words right now. Lance was still probably mourning Allura. He could see it on his eyes every year when they met before her statue to remember her. There was still love shinning in them.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have--"

But his words died on his throat as Lance leaned forward and pressed his lips against his', catching him by surprise.

"I love you too" the boy answered, breaking the kiss after a few seconds.

Warm tears streamed down Keith's cheeks, releasing all the pressure he had been feeling inside. Lance ran quick to hug him.

"Careful" Keith said between sobs, "My ribs"

"Sorry" Lance tried to pull back, but Keith wrapped him with one arm and pulled him back to his chest.

"I don't care about the pain. I just need you close now"

They stayed like that in silence for a few minutes until Lance broke the silence.

"You think it's too late to join the Blade?"

"What?"

"Well this calm life... Is driving me nuts. I wanna go back up there. With you"

Keith smiled wide and planted a quick kiss on Lance's lips.

"I guess I can find a suit for my sharpshooter"

–Chimera.

[wontokkiluv97]

Club Love

A few little notes:

I'm real nervous about posting this but hi! This will be multi chaptered & I promise Wonho appears in the next chapter! It's very loosely based on my own experiences hah!

The only warning for now is for profanity I guess, that may change in the future...

This will be cross posted on Ao3 as well

That's it I guess! Hope you enjoy ~♡

"I really don't wanna go to a club this is not my type of thing..." You said with an edge of exasperation seeping through the phone, as you lay in your bed refusing to get up.

"Oh come on (Y/N), we're in freaking Japan you can't just hole yourself up in your room all the time." Your friend Amber replied with a whine in her tone. "You gotta let loose and have some fun sometimes, pull that stick out of your ass for god sake."

"I don't have a stick up my ass, fuck you Amber. I just don't see the appeal of being in a crowded room with the music blasting and being pushed around by a bunch sweaty people. Also, some of us haven't taken 3 semesters of Japanese, it's not like I can even flirt with anyone." You answered a bit sulkily. You were studying abroad in Japan for the semester, and even though you tried to teach yourself as much Japanese as possible before coming, the University you attended until now didn't offer Japanese courses like Amber's did, so you never got a formal Japanese education.

"Flirting has no language just come on it'll be fun!" She begged.

"Alright fine," you answered with a defeated tone, "But I'm gonna have to be drunk for this or it's not gonna happen."

"Of course! Hurry up and get ready, we'll take the train to Shibuya and stop at a Sev and pregame with some Strong Zeros. Meet me downstairs at 11." She blurted excitedly.

"What the hell am I even suppo-" you started before you heard a click indicating that Amber had hung up the phone. You pulled the phone away from your ear and looked at the time, 22:37, before groaning and rolling over onto your stomach and burying your face into the pillow and sighing loudly.

After a minute or 2 you pulled yourself out of bed and walked over to the dresser and began looking for something to wear. You scrutinized your closet for a few more minutes before purposely ignoring your more risqué outfits and settling on a thin cropped black sweater with shoulder cut outs and simple but tight, high-waisted white washed blue jeans. You quickly threw on the outfit then walked over to your bed and sat on the floor, eyeing the few pairs of shoes you brought before deciding against the heels and putting on a simple pair of black flats. You then walked over to the mirror and looked at yourself, debating whether or not it was worth it to put makeup on, before simply applying eyeliner and mascara and being done with it. As you were grabbing your bag and throwing your wallet in it, being sure that your resident's card was in it in case the police decided to stop you since your University threatened they would, Amber was sending text after text telling you to hurry out. You responded quickly telling her to "calm her tits" you grabbed your badge to get back in the dorm and your passmo for the subway and left your room.

______

You, Amber, and another mutual friend Jules, were precariously sitting on a guard rail on the side of the road right next to Seven Eleven, each of you nursing your third strong zero and most certainly feeling a rather strong buzz at this point, arguing about the alcohol content of the regular cans versus the larger cans.

"Dude, that doesn't even make sense." You argued squinting at Amber and pointing a finger in her direction.

"How does it not make sense?" She questioned right back, "If I'm drinking a tall strong zero, it's like drinking 2 regular strong zeros and therefore has an 18% alcohol content."

"Are you stupid?" Jules jabbed at Amber. "Both the regular and tall strong zeros are labeled as 9% alcohol, which means drinking 2 small ones will get you more drunk than one tall one."

"That still sounds wrong to me..." you replied hesitantly, because for some reason Jules' argument was swaying you when you knew if you hadn't been drinking at all, you wouldn't have given it a second thought. "Either way I think the fact that we are having this conversation proves that we are well on our way to being drunk so we should chug the last of these and head to the club." You said before doing just that with the last of yours and cringing at the aftertaste. You really weren't a fan of grapefruit but it was the only flavor they had left at the Seven Eleven.

"Oh, someone's impatient considering I had to drag your ass here in the first place." Amber commented with a smirk before her and Jules finished their drinks as well.

"Don't let the alcohol get to your head. You couldn't drag me anywhere if you tried."

"Sure babe whatever helps you sleep at night." Jules replied with snark.

"You know, I'm feeling really attacked right now, maybe I should just go home." You replied sarcastically.

"And waste a perfectly good buzz? Nah, lets go." Amber answered as she got off the guard rail and you and Jules followed behind her, since she knew where the club was.

_____

"TADA!" Amber screeched. "Welcome to Camelot, AKA the best club in Shibuya!"

"How do you know it's the best club in Shibuya?" You asked sarcastically. "Have you been to every club here?"

"I know you're trying to be funny but I honestly probably have, you know I go clubbing on weekdays too."

"Yeah I know, because you always miss class the next day and ask me for notes. Honestly they can fail your ass for breaking the attendance policy."

"I'd like to see them try."

"Can y'all shut up so we can go inside?" Jules asked heading into the club and you and Amber continued to bicker as you followed behind her.

You all walked down the stairs to the front desk gave the attendent your residence cards to inspect and paid the 1500 yen entrance fee for the club. She gave all three of you 2 free drink tokens and permitted you to enter the club. The club had several small circular tables spread throughout where there were various people smoking and drinking. Straight ahead was the bar in which there was a small line of people waiting their turn to order drinks. Further to your right you analyzed the dance floor where there was a small crowd of people dancing and jumping up and down. There was a fog machine periodically adding more fog to the atmosphere and red green and blue flashing lights. At the very front of the dance floor there was a stage with a DJ hyping up the crowd. There were three platforms on the dance floor that only girls were permitted to dance on. No one explicity told you that, but you assumed that was the case when you saw security guards pull guys down from the platform if they attempted to get on them. The music was so loud you couldn't hear Amber trying to get your attention so she smacked your arm instead.

"Ow you bitch, what do you want?!" You asked loudly, trying to raise your voice over the music.

"Do you have 100 yen?" Amber questioned.

"Yeah, for what?"

"There are some lockers over there we can put our stuff in, it cost 300 yen for the night. I figure we could all just share one for 100 yen each."

"Sounds good to me! C'mon let's go." Jules shouted.

The three of you walked to the locker room, taking some money out of your bags before stuffing them in the locker and taking the key. Your friends left the key in your care since even though you were all a little drunk already, you were known to be the more responsible one. You all left the locker room and walked to the bar and used your first drink tokens. Amber and Jules got tequila sunrises while you just got whiskey on the rocks. Not the tastiest but hey, if you're gonna make it through this night you're gonna need to be much more drunk and it needs to be right now.

"Hey Y/N!" Jules shouted both her and Amber already finished with their drinks. "C'mon let's go dance on the podiums!"

"I'll meet you guys there! Lemme just finish my drink." You yelled back and the others nodded in agreement before running over to the podiums and jumping up on them, dancing like maniacs immediately. You sighed as you downed the rest of your whiskey, and shook off that familiar burn. You mumbled to yourself as you walked over to join them.

"God it's gonna be a long night..."

[shall-we-imagine]

Lovely. (Sigurd Curtis×Reader *AU*)

Requested: 15. "If my day gets any worse, I'm asking hell if they're having an exchange program." + 22. "Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops." From the prompt list.

Genre: Fluff.

(Second Person Point of View)

"I'm telling you, Amelia! This psycho lady kept insisting I give her a cheese burger with no cheese! And when I tried to explain to her that this is basically just a burger not a cheeseburger, she went nuts!" You complain into the phone, as you struggle to open the door to your apartment without dropping your grocery at the same time.

"Like what even is this?! And when I finally gave up and told her I'll get her that cheese burger with no cheese.." you recite the customer's words in a tone of mockery, "She just still wasn't having it! She asked to speak to the manager who wasn't even there at the time! All my coworkers and even some customers had to intervene before she tries to kill me or something.."

You hear loud laughter from the other side of the phone. "I'm sorry; it's just-" your friend pauses to laugh even harder, "it's actually hilarious; I'm sorry."

"Amelia!" You whine dramatically, "Stop laughing at my sorrows!" Even though you let out a little laugh yourself, you were still willing to demand she doesn't laugh...just because.

After locking the door, you slip off your shoes, placing it near the door frame, then walk into the kitchen to put the items you bought in their correct places.

"At least it's over, though, right?"

"Well, that's not all. After waiting at the bus stop for like 15 minutes, I realized I had forgotten my purse in the changing room, so I had to go back to get my purse then walk to the bus stop again, and by now, I'd already missed the bus, of course. Therefore, I had to wait for 30 minutes for the next bus." You sigh, "And don't even get me started on that weird guy from the supermarket!"

"What happened?" Amelia giggles, still amused by your irritation.

"So, you know how I prefer buying groceries alone because it makes everything quicker and helps me focus better and not forget anything?" You begin placing items on shelves and in the fridge, not planning to stop the phone call before you're done ranting.

"Yeah?"

"Well, this random dude that I never even met before decided that my angry aura wasn't enough to keep him away, no! He decided to just walk up to me, for no reason at all, and make conversation. Now, this wouldn't be too bad if he didn't follow me throughout the entire time I was shopping. Even after I expressed my discomfort and annoyance, he just couldn't take a hint! And I was in no mood for being flirted with or being talked to at all actually." You huff.

"Woah, it's like the universe is just purposely pissing you off."

"Tell me about it! If my day gets any worse, I'm asking hell if they're having an exchange program."

Amelia laughs. "Just get some sleep; you'll be fine." She assures.

"Yeah, I'm really exhausted; I just want to pass out for a week!" You become more and more eager to drown in your own bed the closer you get to your room.

"Well, I'll let you nap for now, but don't forget the essay; we have to hand it over on Tuesday!" Knowing your habit of procrastination, Amelia never fails to remind you of the stuff you need to do. Multiple times.

"I know I know; I'll get started right after I wake up..and eat..and maybe watch an episode of-" She cuts off your already clear intentions of procrastinating.

"(Y/N)! Right after you wake up and eat! Don't make me come over there and supervise as you write!" She threatens.

You groan, "Fine; I'll do it."

After Amelia declares her temporary victory, you end the phone call and get comfortable in bed, ready to get some rest before you have to do your assignments. You set your alarm for an hour after the current time then place your phone on the nightstand.

The mattress and pillow partly engulf your body in heavenly softness, and you happily let the irritation from earlier float away.

However, life seemed to have more troubles to throw at you today.

The sound of drilling coming from the other side of the wall behind your bed startles you into full consciousness. Frowning, you wait a few minutes in hopes the drilling would stop, but, sadly, life still hated you and had no plans of having mercy on you. Trying to ignore the drilling was a hopeless case, too.

"Honestly, what the fuck is wrong with my neighbour?! It's been 25 minutes! What's up with all the noise?!" You complain to yourself, pushing your face into the pillow out of frustration.

You let out a huff. "I'll go talk to them. I'm not sacrificing my sleep for them to put up some decorations or whatever the fuck they're really doing."

Smoothing down your hair to make it look presentable, you contemplate whether you really need to change your pyjamas to go knock on your next door neighbours and ask them to keep it down. Nah.

You rub your eyes, still feeling sleepy and exhausted, as you wait for your oh-so-lovely neighbour to answer the door.

"Hello?" Greets a male about your age. Well..let's just say he certainly is really really really lovely. And suddenly, you regret not changing into something nicer than your my little pony print pyjamas.

He gave you a sweet smile as if he wasn't just chasing the sleep away from you with his drilling.

"Uh, hi." You shuffle your weight from leg to the other awkwardly. "Would you mind..um..not drilling into the wall right now? I've had a long day, and I'm trying to sleep.." You waited for a rude reaction, but the expected response never came.

Instead, the purple-haired male pokes his head back inside the apartment. "Vincent! Hey, Vincent!" He yells.

You hear a faint yeah? come from inside before the neighbour you never knew was so handsome shouts again, "I told you you're gonna bother our neighbours, but did you listen?! Nooo, you decided to try it anyway! Just stop drilling!"

"What neighbours? There's only one other apartment on our floor; don't make it sound like I'm bothering the entire buildi-" the other voice kept getting louder, indicating the person was walking closer to the door. When he finally reached the door and pulled it open, Vincent that was yelling from inside paused mid-sentence.

"Ooh, I see why you're so concerned about the noise." The redhead shoots a wink towards what you assumed was his flatmate before walking back inside, leaving good-looking neighbour flustered.

"Uh-um, never mind him. He just likes joking around; it's nothing, re-" His embarrassed rambling was cut off by a yell from inside.

"Shut up; you know you were calling her cute earlier, Sigurd!" Sigurd's panicked eyes meet yours, and you could practically feel the temperature rising in the hallway, due to the heat emitting from both your faces.

Despite how embarrassed you are, you were still absolutely flattered, which caused you to let out a small giggle, further increasing Sigurd's blushing.

"He's only joking; don't take him seriously. He just likes to embarass me." Sigurd tries to indirectly deny his flatmate's comment. You would be disappointed if it weren't so amusing and adorable watching him sheepishly sputter out excuses and defences.

"Are you saying you don't think she's cute then?" A blond pokes his head outside. You could tell he wasn't wearing a shirt, but he didn't seem to mind being seen like that.

Sigurd falls into another spiral of panicked, embarrassed babbling. "No!" He quickly turns to look at you, "I don't mean you're not cute! You're certainly cute- I mean if I were asked, I'd say you're cute- Like I wasn't just thinking about you being cute; not that I wouldn't think you're cute- oh my god, I'm sorry; just forget about this! Klaus, just go put a shirt on and leave me alone!"

By now, you were full on laughing hysterically at the interaction between Sigurd and his other flatmate.

"It's only fair, compared to how much you tease me." The shirtless male shrugs, walking back inside.

Sigurd sighs. "I'm sorry about Klaus and Vincent; they're practically family, so we tease each other all the time." He scratches the back of his head.

"It's okay." You smile. It was as if you'd completely forgotten you came here, ready to fight whoever disturbed your sleep. "Must be really fun living together like that, though."

"Yeah, I suppose." He nods. "Things sometimes get insane, but we're used to it by now. Insanity runs in my family. it practically gallops." He chuckles.

You let out a laugh, "Yeah, I totally know what you mean."

Seeming to have forgotten about being sleepy just a while ago, you allow yourself to have a full conversation with Sigurd. It may have lasted for a full hour, and you wouldn't even know.

"My goodness, just ask her out already!" Vincent yells from inside.

"Shut up!" Sigurd yells back.

"You really have no idea how to get the ladies, huh?" Klaus joins the yelling fest.

"Says the guy that thinks insulting the girl is a good way to encourage and motivate her!" It seemed like Sigurd had gotten comfortable around you, so he was no longer affected by their teasing; he was ready to talk back now. It somehow made you feel warm inside.

"I'm just being honest!" Klaus defends.

"You're just being mean!" Vincent argues.

"I'm not mean!" Before long, Vincent and Klaus had gotten in an argument in the backgroud, allowing you and Sigurd to retrieve your one-on-one conversation.

"Well, um, do you wanna go grab some coffee later?" Sigurd smiles. "You know..to prove them wrong?" He fakes an innocent smile.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's why." You giggle. "But, sure, why not?"

After deciding the time and day, you said your goodbyes, and you went back to your apartment.

At least now when Amelia calls again you can distract her with news about your date, so she doesn't have to scold you for not working on the essay until now.

[trumanlilac]

/ / c h a p t e r - t w e n t y - t w o / /

I continuously pressed the top button on my phone to turn the screen on. It was dead. Great. I dreaded talking to Matty, I didn't want to, and we had managed to make it the entire way in silence.

"Matty, can I use your phone." I asked.

He looked over at me, "I didn't bring it, its in the house." He opened the passenger's door. I got out of the car, suddenly feeling embarrassed. I hoped he didn't notice how poorly I drove.

"Can I come in really quick to use it then?" I asked.

He nodded, he just looked depressed. It made me even more depressed. His expressions were sad, and worried. He always looked serious, but not like this...this was something else. It drove me insane.

I followed behind him to the door, his keys jumbled around in his hand as he searched for the right one. It took him ages, I hugged myself to stop the cold. I wondered what time it was, I knew it was late, and my dad was going to kill me...but I'd rather get killed that way, than by Matty leading us into a car accident. He finally opened the door and let me in first. I stepped in and looked around, it felt weird.

I hadn't been there in so long, yet everything still looked exactly the same. I knew we were alone, I didn't see George's car in the driveway, which was sad. I kind of wanted to see him, just to say hello. I hadn't talked to him, either, in a long time.

I followed Matty to the hallway which led to the back rooms while he looked for his cell. I envied his ability to not know where his phone was, let alone not bring it with him at all. I needed my phone beside me or in my hand all hours of the day, no matter what. I felt incomplete without it. Pathetic, but reality.

I couldn't stand the silence between us any longer, even though it was I who chose it in the first place. I followed him into his bedroom, walking slowly, just in case I changed my mind before I made it all the way in...I didn't.

I actually never saw his bedroom before, it was nice...average....but nice. And messy, clothes sprawled around and random books and CD's as well.

"Why?" I got up the courage to ask him. He took his phone out at last, handing it to me.

"What?" He asked, surprised that I had finally spoken.

"Why did you do it, sleep with Elaine." I asked him, holding my breath as I awaited the answer.

"Oh now you want to know?" He asked.

I tossed his phone onto his bed, crossing my arms, "yeah."

"Why do you care?"

"I don't."

"Then why are you asking?"

"Cause I wanna know."

"Well I don't want to tell you now. Call your daddy and go home." He said.

Before I knew it I shoved him as hard as I could with tears falling down my face. They felt as if they were glass, leaving cuts against my face.

He stepped back on his left foot, holding himself up, though he barely moved at all. He looked down at me, what looked like biting his tongue from saying anything rash.

"I went to her office. I was depressed, and she was there. She came home with me, we had drinks. Then that happened. I didn't know you would end up here--"

I shoved him again, feeling even worse, "SO IF WE NEVER CAME YOU WOULD HAVE HID IT FROM ME?!"

"ITS NOT LIKE YOU WERE MY GIRLFRIEND OKAY!" He shouted.

"BUT YOU TOLD ME YOU LIKED ME! YOU LIED TO ME, MATTY! OKAY THAT'S WHY I'M MAD, YOU LIED TO ME!"

I shoved him again, and again, I was losing it. I couldn't control myself, before I knew it I was attacking him. I shoved him, I slapped him, I hit him any way that I could, breaking down right before him.

"I DIDN'T LIE TO YOU!"

"YOU DID!" I pushed him again, he grabbed me by my arms, preventing me from moving.

"I didn't, okay." He said, looking me in the eyes wistfully. He pressed his forehead against mine, still holding onto me, "I didn't lie to you."

I stared back at him, my heart skipping several beats.

"I love you." He said.

I shook my head, closing my eyes tightly, my face felt hot. I couldn't hold back the tears as they continued to fall.

"I LOVE you," He shook me as I was vulnerable to his hold, "and you love me too."

"Matty, STOP!" I yelled, "You'll tell me anything I wanna hear to make things better right now."

"You love me," he urged, "and you're afraid of that."

"I'm not,"

"Then what are you afraid of, me?"

I shook my head, opening my eyes.

"She was nothing." He said, "I didn't care about her...and I haven't seen her since." He looked at me reassuringly. "I care about you, I'm a guy, I know that's no excuse but we do stupid shit."

He released me from his hold and kissed me, holding onto my hips. I kissed back, unsure of what to do with my arms, which felt sore from his grip. He deepened the kiss, allowing it to grow. I wrapped my arms around his neck at last. He laid me down on his bed gently, still holding the kiss. I pulled away slightly, and opened my eyes, so did he, breathlessly staring down at me.

"I do love you too." I said...I did, I could feel it in my heart. I could feel it in his eyes. I could feel it in the butterflies I had in my stomach and in the heavy beat that wouldn't leave my heart alone.

He smirked and kissed down my neck softly, running his hands up my sides underneath my blouse, then allowing them to make way up my back and over my bra strap, sending chills up my spine. It went loose as he unhooked it, He sat up and lifted his shirt off, tossing it aside. I ran my fingertips across his chest as he got me out of my blouse, then slid my bra down my shoulders.

He looked at me as my bare skin was exposed, then his eyes trailed back up to mine. I bit my lip slightly.

I had never been in this position before, I felt nervous and excited all at the same time. He reached over and turned off the light.

[beautyindiversity]

This is just me writing,I'm NOT a writer,I just had Jin in my heart and felt like writing 😅writing,writing,writing.

I'd see him in the bookstore/thrift store on a Saturday afternoon and be WAY too intimidated to talk to him. We'd cross paths in the CookBook section,and again looking at drinks and snacks from different countries or something 😂

Ciera sees him going through the European sodas with a serious expression on his face. He's hella cute (hella cute),he is way taller than her with broad shoulders,black hair,and looks like a nerdy model. But I'm shy. Should I speak?? *anxiety heightens* Ehhh...why the hell not? What's he gonna do,punch me?! She puts on her best "I'm such a chill girl,tuh,I don't care about anything,casual conversation tone"

"That one is good;not really sugary,and it has a nice amount of carbonation. But,I actually prefer pineapple Jarritos." which is what she's  holding at the moment along with the a very loved paperback copy of Christine and a beautiful hardcover of Their Eyes Were Watching God. She looks away because ya know..she's so cool about this.  Jin looks up with a slightly startled expression and smiles once he realizes that the girl standing in front of the Bosnian cookies was indeed addressing him. He'd run into her earlier near the huge pile of gently used cookbooks and kitchenware. He found her adorable due to her short stature,and wild curly black hair,but she was also hella thick (hella thick). He wasn't sure what to say,she looked like she was about to walk away,so he had to say something!

"Yeah,I love soda!" he exclaimed with a goofy grin spreading across his face. He immediately thought to himself "welp! That was fun while it lasted,abort mission! You should've just pretended not to speak English or told her you were on Important Business😧😧😧"

To his surprise she laughed and it wasn't a laugh of "haaaaa,corny ass dude,what?!" It was an "ok,you clearly don't do small talk,and neither do I unless it's about the weather in the Midwest or how small businesses in St.Louis are thriving” laugh. "It's ok,man,pick your soda and have a good day." she said with a giggle in her voice as she turned and walked away. Ciera checked out and was heading to the bus stop when she heard someone shouting "Excuse me!" She didn't think anything of it and kept walking until she heard the deep voice yell "Hey! Pineapple Jarritos" Ciera turned abruptly,and yanked out her headphones to see the same cute guy from the thrift store jogging up to her. She had her keys in her hands because...you never know. "Yes,can I help you?" she said in a cautious tone while checking her surroundings to make sure they were still in plain view of the general public. She noted that he was slightly winded and had one hand full with his purchases. Again,just in case. "Yes!" he huffed out while bending over as he tried to catch his breath. He straightened up,"I'm sorry I was so awkward earlier,you caught me by surprise,and my mind went blank" "Yeah,I could tell." she retorted with a cocked eyebrow and a smile teasing the corners of her lips. "So,umm...I'm Jin,I DO like sodas,but I wouldn't say I 'love' them" he said while extending his hand and praying that she didn't leave him hanging. At this point all Ciera cared about was making her bus and getting home to enjoy the rest of her day off,but he was cute and she didn't have plans for the rest of the day. All she did was work her two jobs and go home,so she thought to herself “I might as well see where this goes”.

“Hi Jin,I'm Ciera. I'm more of a coconut water kinda gal” she said while shaking his hand and smiling at the cheesiness of their conversation so far. Before that inevitable uncomfortable silence could kick in Jin blurted out “I don't know if you're busy today,also...you don't know me,but I think you're pretty and maybe we could go to the cafe across the street and get lunch...and talk...maybe” he said with a hopeful smile. Ciera pretended to ponder over the idea for about five seconds before she exhaled with an exaggerated puff “I guess so. Just promise not to keep calling me Pineapple Soda all day. I'd really prefer to be referred to as a honey bun. The iced ones.” she said in a tone of faux seriousness. Jin couldn't help but chuckle as he held his hand out to take her shopping bags which she happily handed over. They made their way to the little Jamaican cafe across the street from the bookstore and got settled in. Ciera had been there countless times and barely needed to see the menu,but she wanted to give her new friend a chance to make up his mind. “So,goat? Real goat” Jin whispered in a concerned voice. “Yep. They get the meat from a local farm,and the goats are killed humanely. It's all above the board,by the book,ya know.” Ciera explained to him with a note of amusement in her tone. He still looked confused so he decided to stay on the safe side and order the jerk chicken,she got the jerk pork and banana fritters to share.

“Ok,so,Jin. What's your deal? What made you ask a complete stranger out to lunch? Are ya bored?” She asked this in a playful manner,but she was serious. She was also wondering what made her accept the invitation. She'd texted her best friend and roommate about everything when Jin had excused himself to the restroom and she'd told her to be careful and update her as often as possible. Her friend also told her that she was a weirdo for picking up a guy in a thrift store,but that doesn't sound sweet and loving. Jin looked at her with a sincere look in his eyes and told her “I thought you were cute,so why not ask you out?” “Ok! But I had to make the first move!” she laughs out and gently throws a napkin at him. “You're right,you're right, but hey,at least I asked! You left me there dumbfounded and holding a bottle of Italian soda,and wondering if I should get a Jarritos instead!” at this point they were both laughing at each other's and their own shyness. Their food arrived surrounded by twin clouds of steam. “Ok,so the rice and peas are really good! You eat them with all the veggies and juice from your chicken” she's taken aback by the expression when she realizes she's being a know-it-all. “Sorry,that's a bad habit I have. You eat your food how you want to”. “I don't mind that at all” Jin says “but...you do know that I'm Korean? I know how to eat rice”. Ciera’s face instantly gets hot with embarrassment and she rolls her eyes towards the ceiling. “Right,so I knew that,but….I didn't wanna assume...or...I don’t know...sorry”. Jin finds this hilarious and releases a series of squeaky laughs and claps his hands in amusement “no,it's ok. You knew I was Asian,but you didn't want to assume anything. I appreciate that,seriously. So many girls want me to be their “oppa” and its actually kinda weird. I like that you don't seem to see me as the Korean Guy”. “Alright,I'm glad we're good. Just don't try to sneak and touch my hair” she says while finally digging into her food. “How'd you know?! I was waiting til your guard was down and I was going to casually run my hand through it!” “so...you were going to lose a hand today? That was your plan? That's how you wanted to die? It wouldn't even be me,my hair would cut your hand off for touching it without permission. Ok,Rick Grimes,that's between you and God.” He guffawed at the The Walking Dead reference. “you watch TWD?!” Jin asked excitedly. “I did before they ruined it,but yeah.”  “I know what you mean,waaaaah,this is really good!” Ciera laughed at the joy in his voice. “Yeah,I know,you wanna try some of mine?” “of course!” he leaned forward and opened his mouth until he saw the  expression of disgust on Ciera’s face. “Ohhhhh,honey..we're not that cool. Wipe off your fork and get a piece,bruh” she said and pushed her plate forward as her expression softened. He did so and they continued to eat,and joke and get to know one another.