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missymurphy1985 · 3 years ago

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The Call

This was another request: So y/n is younger than Cill, she overs here's a call he's on with his management basically trying to convince him to leave her, so she goes upstairs to pack up because well she's not staying around when she's not wanted & Cillian finds her doing this and he's like no no no let me show me how much I want you around 😉

Warnings - talk of separation, smut

Turning the key in the lock you carefully opened the door as quietly as possible. Knowing Cillian, he was taking a nap in the lounge and you didn't want to disturb him. 12 hour days filming six days a week, he'd come home yesterday completely exhausted.

Instead of his light snoring, you were surprised to hear him talking on Skype to his agent in the study across the hallway. You smiled, before making your way to the door to let him know you were home, bottle of wine in hand when you froze.

"So, I'd get more scripts if I wasn't with y/n?" You heard Cillian ask his agent. You didn't move, you could barely breathe.

"Cillian, this is having a severe impact on your credibility! Producers aren't taking you seriously anymore, they're seeing you as a sugar daddy! Y/n is barely out of university, and you're pushing 50 here!" His agent was almost laughing.. you were sure you even heard Cillian chuckle at one point.

"Right... So it looks like we've got this all figured out then doesn't it?"

"Absolutely!! It's so simple Cill, everyone loves a single Dad!"

You'd heard enough. Tears burning your eyes, you tiptoed up the stairs, still with the wine in your hand, and made your way to your bedroom. Once you were sure you were out of earshot you allowed a sob to leave you as you leaned against the closed door, before grabbing an overnight bag from the closet. Taking a deep breath, and opening the wine to take a quick slug from it, you started to pack. All those times he'd told you he loved you... You completed him... Lies! He'd exchange you for Hollywood in a heartbeat!!! Well no... This wasn't going down that way - there's no way he's breaking YOUR heart when you can break HIS first....

Taking another swig from the bottle you took another deep breath and continued packing, not realising how loud your footsteps had become. The bedroom door suddenly swung open, and Cillian stood in the doorway, completely confused.

"Er... Y/n? Everything okay up here? I didn't hear you come home?"

"I didn't want to disturb your call.. you sounded busy." You voice was as deadpan as you could make it. You couldn't even look at him.

"Are you going somewhere?" You stopped, tears escaping your eyes too quickly to stop them.

"I heard you... I heard the call Cillian..."

"What call?" He approached you from behind and tried to put his arms around you but you pulled away. Turning to face him, you brought a hand up to slap the side of his face. "The fuck y/n?!?" You'd never slapped him before.. part of you felt an instant regret but the anger was burning inside you.

"Don't fucking play dumb with me, I heard you!! You'd get more scripts if you didn't have the 25year old homewrecker on your arm! You'd be more credibility as a single Dad!" Cillians eyes widened.. no... No no no..

"How much of that call did you hear, exactly?"

"Enough!!"

"Wrong!! You didn't hear fucking HALF of it!! You didn't hear me end the call, did you?" His voice raised now. "When I told him never to call me again. Never to even claim to represent me. That he was fired?? Did you hear that??" You stood frozen again, looking into his eyes. Your tears were drying up, but his looked close to spilling. "To have someone try and tell me how to live my life... Tell me who I can and can't spend my life with... he did the same thing with Natalie.. he wants me to be an eternal bachelor... that my career would take off if I wasn't seeing someone 20 years younger..." His voiced cracked at the thought of losing you.

"It worked with Natalie. Yes, she was the mother of my kids, but there was never a real connection with her.. I allowed it to happen without realising he was responsible for it... But you? I can't live without you y/n... The age difference has never bothered me.." he walked towards you again, pulling the bottle of wine out your hand and placing it on the chest of drawers in the corner. Picking the handles up on the overnight bag on your bed and throwing it to the floor. Needed it out of the way for what he was about to do.

"How do I know you won't change your mind one day? How do I know you mean it? You could trade me in for a younger model one day!"

"I'll show you how much I want you, and will always want you - close your eyes." His voice took a darker tone now, which always drove you wild. You closed you eyes as you felt his lips slowly start to kiss down your neck.. he turned you back round again so your back was pressing against his chest, as his fingers began to unbutton your blouse. "Keep them closed, baby..." He saw your eyelids flutter in the full length mirror in front of you both. He pulled your blouse off and let it fall to the floor, swiftly followed by your bra. Your jeans and panties soon came down your legs too, and he brought himself back up minus his T shirt.. his now bare chest hair tickling your back making you giggle.

His hands explored your upper whole body... Pressing your breasts, kneading them gently and loving hearing the moans of complete passion emitting from your beautiful lips... Before sinking a hand down to rest between your thighs, gently tapping them to allow him access. Happily granting it, he sunk a finger down to collect as much moisture as he could before circling your clit expertly, knowing exactly how to make you squirm underneath him. Holding you firmly round the waist with one hand, as the other mercilessly assaulted the small bundle of nerves between your legs, you squeezed your eyes closer together and allowed your head to fall back onto his shoulder. You couldn't move from the waist down, he had such a tight grip on you.

"Fuck... Cill... Keep going.. don't stop... Oh god..." He smiled, kissing into your bare neck as your moans became louder, he could feel your core burning now... You felt your orgasm screaming from inside as Cillian increased the pace.

"I've got you... Open those eyes baby.. watch yourself cum on my fingers, yeah?" You opened them to see yourself in the mirror, Cillians hand buried between your thighs and you couldn't help but feel the pure eroticism from it - fuck his hand looked good there.... Within seconds you could feel that orgasm approaching, no stopping it, it completely drowned you as your tried to buck your hips, held in place by Cillians strong arms. He swiftly inserted two fingers inside you, feeling your walls clench around them as you came hard over his hand. Twitching those fingers upwards slightly to find that sweet spot, making you cry out again.

"No more.... I wanna taste you now..." You span round to face him and kissed him, tongues clashing together as you fiddled with the buttons on his jeans - his erection clear as day through the fabric. They dropped to the floor and you followed, still in front of the mirror as you took him down your throat, teeth catching along the way gently. His hands coming to rest in your hair.

"Ah... Holy fuck y/n..." You groaned into his cock as your hands rolled his balls between your fingers, emitting more groans from above you. "Stop baby... Need to fuck you now y/n... Let me in yeah..." He lifted you up to stand again, before backing you onto the bed. Opening your legs he lined himself up and pushed inside, condoms long gone since you'd moved in together. If it happened, it happened.

Taking it slow, he moved his hips against yours, trying to find that sweet spot inside again. He heard you gasp, there it was. Your fingernails dug into his back, and his thrusts became almost maniacal - he was pounding you with reckless abandon now, making your screams echo off the walls. Thank fuck your neighbours weren't home... He wasn't holding back now - sitting up on his knees, he lifted your hips for deeper access, thumb rubbing your swollen clit to bring you your second orgasm. You clenched your cunt round his cock hard, squeezing him, watching his eyes squint and mouth gasp as you did..

"Need to cum y/n... Cum with me.... Let me feel it all over me...."

"I'm coming... I am... Baby I'm gonna..." You had no voice now as your second orgasm exploded through you, and Cillians followed with a loud groan as he collapsed on top of you, kisses raining back down your neck, gentler this time. Lifting his head to rest it over yours, he looked into your eyes softly.

"Don't ever feel like you're not enough for me y/n... Promise me?" You nodded in agreement.

"Don't trade me in for a younger model when I turn 40, and you've got a deal Mr Murphy." You tried to hold back a laugh but couldn't help it, both of you now chuckling.

"Don't get Botox or any of that crazy weird shit, and you've got a deal."

"Don't be coming near me with ANYTHING from Ann Summers, and you've got a deal." He pouted. Clearly busted looking at the costumes online.

Both of you fell silent. A comfortable silence that you both sank into, before rolling under the covers to nap together.

"You're stuck with me now, you know that? I'm agentless, I might never work again!" He laughed again, and so did you.

"That's okay, save a fortune on childcare." He smiled. That was true. After spending so much time away from his boys as young kids, he was looking forward to spending as much time as possible with a new baby, if they were lucky enough to have one together. Despite his age, he felt he had plenty of time left for another baby.

"I hope it happens, you'll be an amazing mother y/n. I can't wait." A loving hand over your, for now empty, stomach, you felt butterflies. Embracing him as he lay behind you, you both fell into a deep sleep, surrounded by dreams of your own little family.

@queenshelby @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @cloudofdisney @margoo0 @being-worthy

#cillian smut #cillian x fem!reader #cillian x you #cillian x y/n #cillian murphy #cillian x smut

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yoichichi · 4 years ago

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Intern!Eren HC

warning(s): none

a/n: some Intern!Eren HC based off my CEO!Levi x secretary!reader post you can read here <- if you’d like :) I got one person requesting it in my inbox and that’s all I needed LOL :) I’d love to hear from you guys in my inbox! Hope you enjoy <3 I’m also gonna be posting more characters from this ~universe so feel free to send in thoughts or ideas !

FIRST OFF HES SO STUPID LIKE PLS

I’m sorry but hear me out:

He’s very intelligent, right. He was well composed in his interview to be an intern, his resume was wonderfully organized full of all kinds of references and experience, he can hold a corporate conversation like nobody’s business, and he’s definitely got this natural charm working for him

But this man can’t work a photo copier for the life of him 😭

He doesn’t know the difference between business casual & smart casual (tbh who tf does)

He is always joking with boss Levi at the WORST times

He’s AWFUL at finding things pls

Someone will tell him to go grab more printer paper from the cabinets in the break room and he’ll just go and stand in there like 🧍

“Cabinets, cabinets... okayyy what one.”

^he definitely talks to himself like that ALL the time but more on that later

But anyways he’ll be searching through all the cabinets and just,,, not see it and he’d start freaking out like oh fuck they’re gonna fire me cause my dumbass can’t find the fuckin printer paper

He’d just come back like

“Um, uh, Miss Parker I couldn’t find the printer paper🧍.”

She’s an older lady in the advertising department of the company that just finds him so endearing pls

so she goes and just opens the first cupboard he looked in and hands it to him like “here sweetie, make sure to open your eyes next time.”

She’s so sweet but poor baby is so red and embarrassed 😭

It’s even worse when she asks him to load it and he just - breaks it

he accidentally pulled too hard trying to open the paper compartment and ripped one of the plastic front pieces off and is just holding it in his hand like 😰

He jus tapes it on w scotch tape and bolts out of the room once it’s loaded and then blames it on Jean when Levi asks why the hell the printer in the front office is broken

“Yeah no I have no idea sir, I think it might’ve been Jean, I mean I saw him in here last buttt, yeah no I really don’t know sorry!”

Queue Eren speed walking to the bathroom so he can collect himself abdjdjajdjf

But on the note of breaking things it’s totally happened more than once

I STRONGLY HC this mf as being clumsy a lil like he just never fully got used to his height after he had his growth spurt

So he has a habit of tripping over himself or hitting his head on cabinets and such

This also means long arms accidentally knocking these over 😭

His first day he reached across his lil intern desk adjacent to Jeans to answer the phone and just completely knocked off his stapler and it kinda came apart

So once he was done with the call he was like no biggie I can fix this :)

And then he spent the next 20 minutes trying to figure out how the hell to put it back together

Levi happened upon him at his desk with google up on his computer, “how to put together stapler”, and he was fiddling with it in his lap and Levi was just 🤨

Eren was so embarrassed and went beet red

But as soon as Jean started chuckling Levi was like “well help him? I’d rather not have a broken stapler and besides, it’d give you two idiots something to do.”

So of course jean was like ok 🙄 but now him and eren have been arguing and BOTH been trying to fix it for another 10 minutes

Levi comes over to check on them and he’s so disappointed he’s just like “give me the fucking stapler” and puts the pieces back together and hands it to eren like 😐.

But yeah, Eren has a tendency to break things LOL

Ok back to mans talking to himself

He can be forgetful when it comes to tasks he needs to do so you’ll often find him walking around the office muttering things to himself like “phone, phone. Listen to the voicemail on the phone.”

And sometimes he’ll sing it to himself instead of speaking it cause it he finds it keeps him entertained 🥺🤲🏼

He also has a bad habit of just humming at his desk period

Jean absolutely hates it, especially when the songs Eren’s humming get stuck in Jeans head LMAO

Levi implied he was proud of Erens work ~once and he almost cried, he had to excuse himself and Miss Parker thought he was gonna throw up

One time Levi joked about long hair not being dress code and immediately had to take it back before Eren and Jean had a crisis at their desk

But even with his little quirks and shenanigans he takes his internship very seriously and is highly knowledgeable about the core responsibilities of the job, which is definitely a reason Levi accepted his application in the first place

Eren is so punctual it’s insane, he hasn’t missed a single day at his internship and has never been more than a minute late

And he’s so cute always asking Levi what he could do better at the end of his day or if there’s anything else he needs from him

At some point Levi had to ask him to only ask it once a week cause he has other things to worry about too 😭

But Levi did admire his determination to improve

Eren may be a little silly but he’ll be damned if he’s gonna lose this internship <3

————————

Eeeeek okok so this is officially a part of my CEO!levi universe LMAO any work that is based in this will be tagged appropriately! I’m also thinking of posting a pt.2 to this with reader 😏! Lemme know if you guys are interested! I’ll be having some more works come out with other aot boys in this universe too :)! Anyways yes I’d love any and all thoughts <3

requests are open

-🐇out

taglist: @plutowrites @armins-futon @peachysimp (if you’d like to be added to aot, hq, mha, or a mixture of those jus lemme know!)

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seagreen-meets-grey · 4 years ago

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When Lightning Strikes Ch. 17

When your life is nothing but a cloudless sky, lightning can come and strike you so unexpectedly, you won’t even know what hit you.

Or: When Hiccup and Astrid meet, it is as if lightning strikes.

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15] [Chapter 16] [Chapter 18] [Chapter 19] [Chapter 20]

Crossposted on ao3 and ff.net

_______________

“I’m in love with you.”

Fresh raindrops were hitting the windscreen in an increasing rhythm, the backdrop to her thoughts.

“I’m in love with you.”

She turned on the wipers.

“But I can’t be your friend anymore.”

His voice was haunting her, words replaying in her ears over and over, accompanied by an electric jolt stopping her heart for a beat every single time. She almost anticipated a flash of lightning on the horizon, a crack of thunder rolling through her chest.

The drive back to Berk had never felt this long, the allowed driving speed never this slow. Eyes on the road, she fumbled for her phone, managing to connect it to the car one-handed. There was a call that absolutely could not wait.

It rang a few times, then cut off. Did she have no reception here? Didn’t he? Did he decline her call? Nervously tapping her steering wheel, Astrid flung the phone onto the passenger seat. She would try again if she got stuck at a traffic light. But traffic flowed freely and not much later, she parked in the same spot as mere hours before. She couldn’t believe so little time had passed since she had gotten ready for her lunch not-date (that had totally been an unofficial date).

Dashing through the rain, she quickly made it to the front door and rang the doorbell. But after fifteen minutes of repeatedly pressing the button, she concluded that he either wasn’t home or really did not want to open the door. She tried his phone again, but it just kept ringing and ringing. Which was weird, because he had specifically asked her to call him back, hadn’t he? Why would he not answer her calls now? Had he changed his mind, was he mad that she’d just left like that?

She racked her brain for where he could be, but the weather wasn’t leaving her a lot of options. He couldn’t be at work because it was a Sunday. She didn’t know where any of his friends lived. Hell, she only knew two names, maybe three if she counted the ex-girlfriend. Perhaps he’d gone to the forest again, despite the weather?

But his car was still parked to the side. Was he home after all? She tried the doorbell again, then rang for his neighbor. They could let her in so she could pound at his door, just in case his bell wasn’t working.

“Hello?” came a grumpy voice out of the speaker.

“Ah, yes, hi. I’m trying to get a hold of your neighbor, but he’s not opening. Could you let me in, please?”

“No.”

Briefly taken aback, she blinked a couple times. “I really need to–”

“I don’t know you. If they’re not opening, I won’t either. Good day.” The speaker crackled and went silent.

“Yeah, fuck you too,” she mumbled. “You got great neighbors, man.”

He still wasn’t answering her calls. At this point, she didn’t know whether to be annoyed or worried. Texting him a quick ‘where are you????’, she returned to her car and deliberated her next step. One option was to just wait here for him to get back. Call him over and over again until she got a reaction.

“Ugh!” With a frustrated groan, she threw her head back and closed her eyes. There was a way for her to reach someone who knew him, but even if she was successful, it would be a mighty awkward phone call and she would have to swallow a bit of pride.

“I’m in love with you.”

“Dammit!” She hit her steering wheel, accidentally setting off the horn. Hopefully, it had made Hiccup’s neighbor jump.

The next call went unanswered as well, but that only boosted her determination. There was no stopping her, not so close to her happy ending. She wanted to hear his voice, wanted to look into his wonderful eyes and scream at the top of her lungs, let out all her suppressed feelings that she’d been harboring for him ever since the moment his presence had first struck her like lightning. Three words, one breath. The clear answer he needed to hear from her, the one she needed to speak out loud.

She found Dagur’s contact in her list and sent him a short text, hoping he would help her out first and ask annoying questions later. And lo and behold, twelve minutes later, she had Heather Oswald’s number.

She picked up after the fourth ring. “Hello?”

“Hi. This is Astrid Hofferson, um... We’ve met a couple times, I’m–”

“Yeah,” Heather interrupted her in a tone Astrid couldn’t decipher, “I know who you are.”

“Oh, okay. Great. Uh, I’m looking for Hiccup, actually, and he’s not home or answering his phone. You’re the only person I could get a hold of who might know where he is or…”

“I have no idea.”

“Ah, well then, do you have an idea where I could look?”

The line went silent for a moment. “Without a clue about what’s going on, it’s hard to narrow it down.”

“Oh. Well, maybe–”

“Look, Astrid?” Heather interrupted her. “I know it’s not my place to say. But Hiccup is one of my best friends and he’s been pretty depressed because of you for the past two years. He… cares about you a lot.” Astrid tried to get a word in, but Heather didn’t let herself be interrupted. “I know you two are friends, but you’re not doing him any favors as long as you’re not honest with him.

“Heather, I-”

“Whatever it is you want from him, please tell him so he can stop driving himself crazy.”

“Yes, I know, that’s why I’m looking for him!”

“You are? Good. You might not be aware of it, but you have the power to absolutely break him. I’d rather you didn’t.”

Astrid gulped. “Yeah, believe it or not, he actually has the same power over me. Why do you think I’m calling his ex-girlfriend for help?”

Heather chuckled. “I haven’t heard from him this weekend, but I can think of a few others who might have. I can give you their numbers.”

“Thank you, seriously!”

“I’m doing it for him. Good luck.”

The line went dead and Astrid let out the tension in her shoulders with a sigh of relief. She didn’t have a new lead, but she had gained new options. And she’d just gotten the dad talk from her ex’s best friend’s sister.

Her phone buzzed with a few messages from an unsaved number, sending her a few contacts. She assumed the two people with Hiccup’s last name were his parents and decided to make them her last resort since there was no need to worry them about their son being uncharacteristically unavailable. Besides, they didn’t even know her.

Discovering she actually knew the other people Heather had referred her to, she decided to call Fishlegs first, hoping for not another lecture on how to treat one of his best friends. The one had been uncomfortable enough. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt Hiccup, even unintentionally. He was way too important to her, had taken root inside her heart the moment he’d first smiled at her.

She still remembered how he’d been able to make her forget about the sea of people around her in a matter of seconds, joking around about something trivial, grasping her full attention so easily she’d even blinded out her own fiancé, who’d been right there next to her. Looking back, she could only shake her head at her own stubbornness in admitting her immediate attraction and the connection that had been there from the moment their eyes had met. Her skin tingled at the memory of that bolt of lightning striking her to the core…

With a wince, she pulled herself from her daydream, concentrating on the task at hand and making the next call. Fishlegs picked up almost immediately, voice a little wary of the unknown number calling him on a Sunday evening. The horizon was darkening gradually, the last rays of sunlight drowning in the incoming wave of night, the streetlamps outside flickering on one after the other.

Fishlegs didn’t know where Hiccup was. “Maybe his phone is dead? He sometimes forgets to charge it before it’s too late.”

“Nope, it’s ringing. The signal’s getting through. Which means that’s not it.” She didn’t want to waste her time theorizing about why he wasn’t picking up. She wanted to find him, then she could ask him and punch him for leaving her hanging like this. “But do you know where he could have gone on a Sunday night while it’s raining?”

“Hm. You say his car is home?”

“Yes.”

“Well, Snotlout lives nearby, that’s an old friend of his–”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know him.” Tucking her phone between her jaw and shoulder, she started her car. “Where does he live?”

Fishlegs gave her the directions and offered to stay on the phone so she could keep him updated, but she quickly thanked him and hung up before pulling out of her parking spot. This was the worst scavenger hunt ever. At least she could cross calling Snotlout off her list.

Severely hoping to either catch Hiccup this time or at least get a solid lead, she pushed the doorbell ten seconds long and then hit it repeatedly in a short span of time until she heard the static of the receiver.

“Whoever the fuck you are, fuck you. Hiccup, is that you? I want my jacket.” Well, so much for finding Hiccup here.

“No, it’s Astrid, we met once, I think you tried to flirt with me.”

“Wait, the Astrid? Hot Astrid? Hot-strid?”

“Call me that again and you’ll find out how hot my fist is!”

“Okay, okay.” She noted with satisfaction how he was trying to cover up that he was intimidated. “What are you doing here? Came here to get a taste of the Snotman?”

Deciding to ignore his immediate new attempt at flirting (she would handle that another time, for sure), she just rolled her eyes. “Have you seen Hiccup?”

Expecting the same answer she got from everyone else, she was surprised when he said, “Yep. He was here.”

“When?” She jumped on the information, leaning closer to the receiver.

“I don’t know, some time in the past couple hours? I was busy, I don’t check the clock on a Sunday.”

“Did he say where he was going?”

“Out.” Oh, she wanted to break the door in and slap him.

“But where, Snotlout?!” A dog started barking very closely to the intercom, making Astrid flinch away.

“Shut up, Hookfang! I don’t know, he wouldn’t tell me. Sit, you dumb dog! He just came by for a jacket, he was kinda drenched. Pretty stupid, actually, because he had an umbrella and it wasn’t even raining when I looked outside.”

She bit her lip and frowned. So he was out somewhere, probably still in the rain. Great, so she just had to drive through town and search all the streets of Berk until she found him. At least she had some kind of solid plan now.

“Thanks, Snotlout.”

His answer was drowned out by the barking dog, then the intercom fell silent with a crackling static, but she was already sprinting back to her car. She tried calling Hiccup again, but then gave up with a groan; she wouldn’t reach him. He hadn’t read her text yet, either. So what now, call his parents if he had walked there? She didn’t even know if they lived in Berk.

Reaching for her phone again, she replayed his message. The butterflies tumbled through her stomach again when he said the five words she would never grow tired of hearing. There was the sound of traffic and rain in the background, but that didn’t help a lot, so she replayed it again. And there it was, another lead – he said he’d been at her parents’ place, looking for her. Of course! Maybe he’d mentioned more to whoever had answered the door.

She sped through town, parking right in front of the front door, something her father hated. But right now, she couldn’t care less. Fumbling with the keys for a minute, she pushed the door open and yelled into the house.

“Mom! Dad! Anyone?!”

Her father stuck his head through the door to the living room, glass of wine in hand, wearing his comfy couch pants. “Hello, daughter. We were wondering if you were still showing up for dinner.”

“Sorry, I forgot to cancel, I had something important to do.” She trudged down the hallway to the living room, leaving dirty footprints on the floor.

“Astrid, your shoes!” her father chided her, but she ignored it.

“Was Hiccup here?”

“Who?”

Her mother turned around on the couch. “Yes, your boyfriend was here. He was looking for you.”

Astrid scooched by her dad who almost spilled his wine. “When? What did he say?”

Wilma clucked her tongue in disapproval, shaking her head at her daughter’s wet shoes, two steps from the new carpet.

“Mom.”

Frederick put a hand on her shoulder, holding his glass out of her reach. “Why don’t you take your shoes off and join us? This crime thriller is very entertaining and there’s more wine in the fridge–”

“Mom!”

“Like I said, he was looking for you. I don’t remember when, but it was still light outside. He didn’t say what he wanted, though, and left as soon as I said you weren’t here.”

“Who?” Frederick repeated, confusion written clearly on his face. “The young man you spoke to earlier? What was that about a boyfriend?”

Astrid didn’t have time for explanations to be exchanged. “Which direction did he leave in? This is very, very important, mom!”

“What’s going on, dear? Why don’t you–”

Astrid rolled her eyes with an impatient growl, contemplating threatening to wipe her feet on the carpet if her mother didn’t just come across with the information, but figured that would only spark an entirely different discussion. “Mom, I swear – please just tell me, please!” The desperation had to be showing in her eyes because her mother gave in with a sigh.

“Down the street to Marram Lane, he was on foot so my guess is he was heading for the bus.”

That didn’t make her chase any less frustrating, but it was better than nothing. “Anything else?”

“No–”

“Okay, thanks, bye!” She dashed past her dad who took a surprised step back. Before the front door closed behind her, she could hear him complain about his spilled wine on the new carpet.

Jumping into her car, she deliberated showing Hiccup’s profile picture to every bus driver she could catch, until one of them remembered him and where he got off the bus. But chances were he’d taken the route home and was already back there while she was looking for bread crumbs all over Berk. So she decided on one last attempt. If he didn’t open his door now, she would go home and probably not sleep all night.

If it hadn’t been for the red light near the park, she would have missed it. Tapping her finger against the steering wheel, she absentmindedly glanced outside while waiting for green.

It was the jacket that caught her eye. Chipped print of faded red flames climbing up the dark sleeves, wide and short on a body too tall and lean for the cut. It was him.

The umbrella shaded him from the light of the streetlamps, but she immediately made out the wild auburn hair, the line of his jaw, the slope of his nose, eyes cast down. He was heading for the park, on a shortcut to his house that she couldn’t take with her car.

A honk from behind her alerted her to the green light and she stepped on it, crossing the intersection and pulling over onto the sidewalk as soon as she got the chance to.

She ran, only just bothering to lock her car. The rain was coming down in buckets and she splashed her entire right leg when she stepped in an overly large puddle, but that wouldn’t slow her down.

“Hey!” she yelled. “Hiccup! Wait!”

He had almost disappeared behind the next corner and a few trees when he suddenly stopped and turned around. “Astrid?”

Panting, she came to a stop. “Finally. I looked- I looked everywhere for you.”

“Oh- oh yeah. I’m so sorry.” He pulled his phone from his pocket and showed her the screen. There was a large crack right down the middle and her unsuccessful calls finally made sense. He hadn’t been suddenly ghosting her, after all. “Did… Um, did you get my…”

“I got your message.” Her instincts told her to just grab him and haul him in for a kiss like she’d wanted to for so long, but he’d asked her to talk and she wouldn’t make any rash moves; there was just too much on the line.

For a beat, he looked at her nervously, before he noticed the water running down her face, darkening her hair and clothes. He stepped closer, holding his umbrella over the two of them.

“Thanks.” She wiped wet strands of hair out of her face. Every now and then, a gust of wind blew cold rain underneath the umbrella like a lawn sprinkler that had lost its rhythm. She was exhausted. She’d had a very long day.

It didn’t escape her how his eyes briefly dropped down her face, awakening the memories of his lips brushing hers earlier that day, numbing the tips of her fingers for the fraction of a second, before he averted his face. “I’m sorry if I sprung all this on you, but…”

“No, I’m the one who has to apologize.” His eyes settled back on hers and the shiver running down her spine had nothing to do with the weather. “You were absolutely right, I had been running from my conflicts, and my feelings. I went home to talk to Eret.” She took a deep breath. “We decided to break up.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “Oh, I… Was… Was it true, then? About him and…”

“Dana? That wasn’t what I thought it was. You were right about that, too.”

“Well, I’ll have you know I am always right about everything,” he said with a one-shouldered shrug and the hint of a shy grin.

“Hmm, sure.” Her lips were twitching and the invisible string attached to her heart was pulling at her chest. The rain was cold and the heat his body was emanating was driving her insane. The proximity to him, the way he was looking at her, the light of the streetlamps reflecting golden specks in his deep green eyes sending a parade of tingles over her skin. “He hadn’t been cheating on me any more than I cheated on him.”

His brows furrowed; head cocked to the side ever so slightly.

“Emotionally. Not with Dana. And that’s only one of the reasons me and him didn’t work out.”

Shaking his head, his frown deepened. “So… What does that mean now? Astrid, why are you here?”

She mirrored his expression. “Because you wanted to talk–”

“No, I mean, why are you here? In the rain, soaked to the bone? You could have called later, or tomorrow, or any other time.”

“No, I couldn’t,” she replied, trying to lay all the sincerity she felt into her voice. “Like I said, I’ve been running away for way too long.” The world began to blur around her, the traffic and the rain faded, vision narrowing in on him, capturing his gaze so intently, it caused her palms to sweat and her hands to start shaking from the intensity. “I love you. Okay? I love you! I want to be with you, Hiccup! I- I love you.” Her heart was rapidly pumping liquid lightning through her veins from finally saying the words out loud.

The earth stopped spinning as she looked at him, waiting for a reaction. His lips were slightly parted, eyes posing as windows to his soul, alive and starry, burning into her like fireworks into the summer night. With bated breath, knees weakening under his gaze, she felt the electricity buzz around her, charging for the final blow. Seconds passed, small eternities, in which she couldn’t move, the current pinning her to the spot.

Then, he suddenly surged forward, grabbing her face with both hands, and lightning crashed through her as they finally connected in a blinding flash of blue and white. Her chest exploded; high voltage was coursing through her every nerve, every vein, blood alive, heart pounding in sync with his; it was like their souls were magnets, caught in each other’s magnetic field, too strong to disconnect.

Her heart was soaring, quaking, pulsating, the world empty but for them. Their heavy breaths and the deafening thunder in her soul the only sound reaching her ears. Space and time became foreign concepts, the universe narrowing down to where they stood, hands roaming over shoulders, necks, limbs and through hair, unable to linger, always seeking out more, lips chasing lips.

She had to hold onto him as the ground disappeared underneath her feet and she went falling, flying, tumbling through the clouds. Her stomach was doing somersaults, backflips, pirouettes; the lightning strike had left her blind. She couldn’t get enough of his touch, lungs screaming for air, but she couldn’t care less about breathing, reconnecting with his lips after every hasty intake of air, drowning in the feeling of wonder, of pure euphoria.

The only thing she knew to be real was the warmth of his body, the passion that let their lips collide over and over again until she felt dizzy from the lack of oxygen and the intense electric current running through their bodies like one.

Eyes still closed, they eventually parted for much required air, their foreheads touching, breaths mingling. Her hands were slowly sliding from his neck, resting over his erratic heartbeat, mirroring hers. His fingers trailed down her spine, settling around her waist.

“Did you feel that?” Her voice was shaking.

“The lightning?”

Her eyes fluttered open and her chest swelled with affection at the raw emotion in his eyes and the fact that he felt as much for her as she did for him. She nodded with a gulp.

“I did.” He lifted a hand to her face, gently wiping something hot and salty from her cheek that she hadn’t even noticed herself. “Is this real?”

“I certainly hope so.”

“Hey, if not, at least we’re stuck in the same dream, right?”

“Right.” Getting lost in his gaze again, she blinked when he suddenly cleared his throat and looked around, as if remembering that there was a whole universe out of their wonderful, perfect little bubble.

“We should probably go someplace dry.” The umbrella was discarded somewhere on the ground, dirty and forgotten. “I keep getting drenched today, how is that?!”

The laughter breaking out of her and the look he gave her in return were nothing short of breathtaking, and she wondered if she was ever going to get used to that, already addicted to everything about him, everything he was doing to her. “My car is back there.” She pointed in a general direction over her shoulder.

“Okay.” He leaned down and softly pecked her lips again, followed by another toe-curling, heart-stopping, world-shaking kiss, slow and deep, her fingers clutching at his soaked shirt. Their noses brushed, wet and cold. “Okay,” he repeated himself in a whisper and stepped away enough to entwine their hands, starting towards where she had pointed.

The skin of their interlaced fingers was frigid, but Astrid did not feel the cold. She just felt… free.

His thumb brushed over her knuckles as she steered him back to her car and the contact crackled through her nerves like an inextinguishable fire. Just this morning, she’d been shaken by her own confession to herself, still anxious over the fight she’d had with Hiccup the day before. Entire lifetimes had passed since then.

Glancing at him, she caught his eyes and the blinding smile on his lips. Oh, those lips. She had discovered a new drug and she was already high on it. With a weak fist, she punched his shoulder. “That’s for breaking your phone.” He blushed, rubbing his neck with his free hand. With her own, she fished her car keys from her uncomfortably wet jeans, pushing the button and glancing over him once more. “And what the hell are you wearing?!”

_______________

- End of Part 2 -

_______________

#httyd #hiccstrid #fanfiction #hiccup haddock #astrid hofferson #heather #fishlegs ingerman #snotlout jorgenson #when lightning strikes #modern au #a bit of angst with a dash of drama #or the other way around #maja writes #ff #fanfic #how to train your dragon

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emletish-fish · 3 years ago

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7. what is you favorite sentence/paragraph? read it to us! (asker can choose what fic) (x)

I chose three! One from each of my 'big fics'. No Zombies, Worst Prisoners and Good Boys under the cut:

NO ZOMBIES:

No Zombies was a delight to write. I had pretty much the whole idea from the get-go, (of a returned style AU with Hector coming to spend time with the family in the modern world). I finished it quick - and it's not too long (side-eyeing Good Boy and Worst Prisoner). It was the first fic where I felt like I really "stuck" the landing. I was quite flexible with my original outline, but I still knew where the journey ended. It ended exactly how I wanted it too - happily but with a bitter-sweet note.

The emotional core of this story is how Elena, family matriach, who is so gruff and no-nonsense, who despises Hector in the films, and who has such a warm heart under such a grumpy exterior would slowly soften and come to love Hector, (and how she grows as a person because of this and becomes more comfortable showing love/emotions to her family). It was like a platonic slow-burn as she learns to understand Hector better - which is why this bit is my favourite because it's where she starts to really feel fond of him for the first time:

“Well, I'm just glad I'm a better teacher for him than watching old Ernesto De La Cruz movies.” Héctor had replied with a wry smile. “It's probably because I'm so much more handsome than that butt-chinned, over-the-top ham.”

“Because you're a pointy-chinned, over-the-top ham?” Elena replied, feeling surprising witty. She never made teasing jokes like this normally, but it was so easy with Héctor.

He looked mock-offended. “I'll have you know, my chin is wonderful and I've given it to several of your grandchildren, so there.”

If Elena was a different person, she probably would have pulled Héctor into a warm, laughing hug then. She might have told him seriously that Miguel had always been difficult for her. He felt things so strongly and got so upset and emotional – she'd always struggled with how to help him, how to calm him. Miguel was so happy now. She knew that was because of Héctor.

She might have told Héctor that he was at least six thousand times the musician, eight thousand times the teacher, and ten thousand times the man that Ernesto De La Cruz was.

But Elena was who she was.

Instead she said “Idiot,” and ruffled his stupidly messy hair rather fondly.

She told herself she wasn't warming to the fool musician, but she knew it was a lie.

GOOD BOY:

My current work. It's another platonic slow-burn, but this time set in the Cobra Kai universe with son and father pair - Robby Keene and Johnny Lawrence. In the show, these two characters have such a dysfunctional relationship that is so full of miscommunications and missed chances, and they genuinely want a better relationship (and it would be so healing for both of them! Do not get me started!) I lean much more into the magical realism in this story, as I turned Robby into a dog (Animal transformation - PIXAR's Brave style), so that he could immediately get the cuddles and easy affection he so clearly needs.... because I have never seen a more touch/affection-starved character aside from Zuko in ATLA.

This also gave Robby a chance to really understand, not only his father, but the other people in his cicrcle. He discovered he had a support network. He got to know he was loved by many. he got to witness the actions people would take as they searched for human-him (not knowing that he'd been turned into a dog). And it gave Johnny a chance to learn how to take care of something, feel needed, and express his love for his son without the weight of their complicated history/his own trauma hanging over him. It was hard to pick a favourite, but I will say the Johnny-stream-of-conciousness chapters are definitely the easiest/most fun to write. One of my favourite bits is in the first one, The queen of ice-cream runaway when Johnny tells Robby about when Laura (his grandmother) found out Shannon was pregnant and she was going to be a grandmother.

It's the first inkling Robby gets that while his father wasn't there for him and he was neglected a lot, Johnny did his best to keep the bad shit from his own childhood away from Robby as his own way of showing care. It hints at the deep and damaging abuse Johnny endured. When he finally had a say with his own kid, he would have done anything to protect Robby from feeling the same. I'd say here is where Robby really begins to warm to his Dad;

Then I told her our chosen name and she said I was a dumbass and Swayze was a terrible middle name, and we had to change it to some shit like Alastair or something. She thought he should have a rich sounding middle name. And I say Mom, Alastair sounds like some lame-ass insurance broker who upskirts his secretary and then cries as he jerks off to the pictures, what else you got? She thought Sebastian, and that was worse! What a pussy name. Sebastian is going to be sitting in the little french patisserie cafe drinking the tiny-ass coffee for dolls and eating the éclair with his prissy finger tips. I already want to kick Sebastian's ass. Who wouldn’t? I’m not going to give my kid a name that is going to get his ass kicked.

And she couldn't talk, cause she named me after Johnny Cash, just cause she liked his music. And she couldn't think of a middle name at the time, so I didn't get one. Thank goodness. I could have ended up Johnny Alastair and had to kick my own ass.

So Swayze stayed.

Then she mentions how she and Sid can help out, so I didn't need to do the two jobs, stupidly long hours thing. And we need the money. I know we need the money. But my whole body froze and I just went No. None of that for little Robby Swayze. ...

... She’s going on about spending Sid’s money on Robby and I just...I can’t. I can't allow it. Cause I knew how he would be, and the way he would treat that kid. So I tell her, no thank you. Not a fucking cent mom. Sid’s not getting to feel like he owns a hair on Robby’s head. That motherfucker can go jump. You thought we needed Sid’s money when I was a kid. You decided it was better for me, and that was your choice. I did not get a vote in that. But this is my kid, and this time it is my call, and I am choosing no. I’m not going to have Sid make my kid feel like he has to apologise for existing every day. I'm not going to have Sid treat my kid the way he treated me. I will never need money that badly. I will never put my kid through that. I'll work myself to the bone doing 20 hour days before that. I'll work on the 40th floor without a harness before that. I will sell my fucking organs before it comes to that. Not a cent mom.

WORST PRISONER:

My 'what if Zuko made friends with the Gaang early on?" AU that then turned into a three-book long saga (and I will return to it, Worst Prisoner readers - Thank you for you patience). It does have evenutal Zutara, but the focus is really on the Gaang + Zuko as a whole, and all the interpersonal relationships. I'd say there is more gen-shipping around Zuko as a central character, as Iroh & Zuko, and Sokka & Zuko are both given equal prominence. in fact, all the friendships and familial relationships were equally important to me. (the book 3 Zuko & Azula stuff is so interesting, but it is ...less funny I guess.)

This fic is such a joy to write, and I really try and balance the humour with the bittersweet/sad parts, and one of the main sources of humor was the Sokka-Aang-Zuko -Katara qudrangle of dumbassery. I love the four of them together in book 1, and so many of their interactions were a hoot to write. But if I'd have to pick a favourite moment, it would be the moment in the deserter chapter in book 1, where they all decide to 'officially' be friends:

“Well, you can figure that out and find someone while I'm up in the Northern Water Tribe. Then when we finish up there, we'll come find you,” Aang offered.

“Really?” Zuko’s eyes were shining optimistically. It was a strange expression for him. Aang was so used to seeing him with a grumpy face.

“Really, I promise,” Aang said, feeling so glad that he could help Zuko go home.

“Yeah, I second that. If this means we won’t have to put up with you chasing us, I am in!” Sokka said. “Sheesh, you could have just asked ages ago!”

“You know, this means I was right,” Aang started to say, feeling very vindicated. The others looked at him curiously. “If we had just talked about friendship in the forest, we could have sorted this out weeks ago!”

“Boo, forest friendship!” Sokka said.

“Don't boo him,” Katara admonished, elbowing her brother.

“I agree with Sokka. There's no way I would have appreciated that speech weeks ago, Aang,” Zuko said.

Sokka smiled at Zuko for saying he agreed with him. It actually wasn't that rare of an occurrence, but it still seemed to surprise Sokka every time.

“See, Aang, forest friendship is bullshit,” Sokka said.

“I didn't say that!” Zuko cut in. “I just meant, maybe … I had to be dragged all over the Earth Kingdom by you guys ... and shot ... and taken to nonsense fortune tellers ... and I had to be forced to eat Sokka's truly terrible and disgusting cooking—”

“Oi!”

“—and I had listen to Aang lecture me about friendship and vegetarianism in the forest just so I could come here.” He looked around at the deserters’ camp site. “I dunno, maybe it was meant to be this way.”

“What are you saying? You want to be forest friends with Aang now?” Sokka asked accusingly.

“I mean, sure. If Aang will have me, we can be friends,” Zuko said, and looked uncertain.

“Yay! I knew you'd want to be my friend,” Aang said, feeling delighted.

He was so happy he had a Fire Nation friend again. Kuzon had been an amazing friend, even though he'd gotten Aang into so many sticky situations. He had already thought Zuko was his friend, but it was nice to make it official. Aang always knew the Fire Nation had good people in it too, and now he had been proven right. He jumped up and gave Zuko a huge hug.

#Emletish answers #Emletish writes #Fic: No Zombies #Fic: Good Boy #Fic: Worst Prisoner

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drivingsideways · 4 years ago

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Misaeng review

Ok, it's been almost a week, so I feel like I can get my thoughts (somewhat) in order. As usual, I'm late to the party, given that Misaeng aired 6 years ago, and is already considered a kdrama classic. Still: thoughts!

(under the cut)

I came to this drama with quite a lot of expectations, both because I'd seen it on a lot of rec lists, and also because I'd watched director Kim Won-seok's Signal and My Mister, which are justifiably as beloved as Misaeng. I'm happy to report that Misaeng mostly lived up to those expectations!

The writing & direction work together to make Misaeng a very immersive experience, which is good, considering the entire run time is over 20 hrs. The level of seemingly mundane detail of the operational aspects of running a trading firm that they delve into (and other dramas might have avoided for sake of pacing) seemed odd to me at first, but eventually result in a world building that's incredibly well fleshed out. The (formerly unlikely!) high stakes of a misplaced piece of paper or octopuses in a shipment of squid end up being parts of an emotionally wrenching narrative whole fairly seamlessly. Still, at 20+ hours, Misaeng also does get into the kind of pacing issues that most of the slice of life kdramas I've watched so far have. And it didn't need to! I think it had a wonderful ensemble of characters, and if they'd maybe given a little more time and space to characters other than Jang Geu-Rae (Im Si wan) and Oh Sang-sik (Lee Sung-min), the mid portions may not have felt quite so, well, stuck.

But more than the strong writing and direction, it was really the actors who delivered. They made what could have easily been a dull-ish office drama into a heart warming story about human connection and the joys and troubles of leading an "incomplete life". I'd never watched Lee Sung-min in anything before, and about half way through the series I was like, HOW IS HE MAKING A SHORT TEMPERED, ALCHOHOLIC MIDDLE MANAGER SO SEXY? Like, serious props, dude. Lee Sung-min is by turns annoying and brash and too shout-y and stubborn and funny and so incredibly vulnerable as a man trying his best to live by his principles in a world that thinks they are an impediment to "success", that you forget that he's playing a fictional character-- he's someone you know, he's someone you've seen in the mirror.

His performance as Oh Sang-sik is very ably matched by Im Si Wan's Jang Geu-Rae. This series would not have worked if these two actors didn't have the chemistry they do, and play off each other in every scene. I had watched Im Si Wan recently- in JTBC's "Run On", in which I liked his performance quite a lot, but I absolutely loved him as the naive and endearing Jang Geu-rae. Misaeng, is in part, a bildungsroman narrative centered around Jang Geu Rae. Im Si wan brought a kind of vulnerability to the role that might have felt cloying and emotionally manipulative in the hands of other actors, but Im Si-wan manages to do it with a light touch. I feel he's one of those actors that uses his whole body in a scene, not just relying on facial or verbal expression, and it's a joy to watch.

Each of the other actors in the ensemble also bring that dedication and talent to their roles, even if it's in a single scene. There are lots of one-off characters that we meet during the course of the series, and every single one of them leaves an impact.

But! I'm going to pick a fave from the supporting cast and that's Byun Yo-han, whom I'd last watched as the broody, troubled (and very sexy) swordsman Lee Bang-ji in Six Flying Dragons. I can't imagine a character more in opposition to that one than Han Seok-yul in Misaeng, but Byun Yo-han just knocks it out of the park as the scheming, cheerful and mostly inappropriate clown with a heart of gold; Han Seok-yul is the definition of Chaotic Good, and you're equal parts horrified by his antics- which include sexual harassment dont @ me -- and yet charmed by him. I wish they'd given him a few more scenes and a larger plotline to work with, but I also suspect that he might have just walked away with the entire series if they did that. (Am I plotting that series in my head as I write this? MAYBE.)

Alright, this is getting a bit too long, so I'm going to get to the bits that disappointed me. That's really one major thing: the gender politics. I don't know how different the show is from the web toon it's based on, so I can't tell whether they made significant changes to the basic plot and characters. As in- I have no idea if the webtoon was as male dominated in every way as the show is, so I'm not sure how much of the show's treatment of women as a class, and its female characters in particular, I should lay at the door of the original writer vs the screenwriter and director. I'm also lacking the Korean context in which this was written and made and aired, so you may take my criticism with a pinch of salt, if you please!

That the show features mainly male characters is perhaps unsurprising and realistic, since we know that the kind of corporate life it depicts is very male dominated, top to bottom. The show also portrays the very real and horrific overt and subtle misogyny that women face in the workplace and out of it; mainly in the character of Ahn Young-yi, played with steely determination and quiet suffering by the lovely Kang so-ra. There are only 3 other female characters that have any sort of real speaking role- Sun Ji Young (played by Shin Eun jung), a senior manager at the company, Jang Geu-rae's unnamed(!) mother (played by the amazing Sung Byoung-Sook) and Oh Sang-sik's unnamed (!) wife (played by Oh Yoon-Hong, who's a delight in every tiny scene she has). There are other women who appear but in very minor roles, and often in "comedy" moments that often rely on sexist tropes to start with.

Anyway, right there you can see one of the problems- 4 women characters that have any kind of real screen time, and only 2 of them are named. Aigoo! Screenwriter Jung Yoon-jung is a woman, and like, I don't like putting the burden on any one woman to y'know fix structural misogyny, but I can't also help feeling disappointed that she overlooked even this "small" thing among the larger things.

But that apart, the main issue for me was that while the show doesn't shy away from depicting egregious sexism in the form of sexual harrassment, verbal and physical and certainly emotional abuse, in a manner that's clear that we are meant to be horrified by it--it falls short of depicting how women deal and work with it. It just doesn't give enough space to women or their worldview.

It's very comfortable depicting victimhood, but doesn't put work into depicting the ways in which women survive by finding solidarity with other women. We have a scene or two where Ahn Young-yi who is this show's poster child for female victimhood interacts with the older women who offer sympathy and understanding, but no real strategy or support. And yes, we see men also being targeted by their seniors for the grossest verbal and physical abuse; and it's men who help Ahn Young-yi strategise on how to deal with her situation. Real life experience tells me that it's the women who do this work for other women. I have certainly been on both sides of this equation, for one, and so has every woman that I know in corporate life. And yes, one of the show's core philosophies is that those who endure, survive--but it is none the less extremely painful to watch Ahn Young yi "endure" the kind of abuse she does as a coping strategy and a survival strategy.

At the end of it, when she slowly manages to gain the support of her sexist team, it's shown as a victory-- though naturally imperfect, because this show takes its Realism very seriously (right until the end where it makes a tonal shift into quirky that I was a little ?? about)-- and y'know, sure, it is a victory. And I absolutely understand the choices she makes and why she does it-- I guess I just got annoyed by the fact that other antagonistic figures in the narrative get a more straightforward comeuppance for their egregious behavior, but Ahn Young-yi doesn't even get a goddamned apology from her abusers. Instead, we have a half humourous, half serious moment where she comments on how she's working at turning herself into "someone cute"- because she understands now that sometimes the right strategy is to "go with the flow". Be the water that slowly wears away at the rock. It's an interesting moment- the men she tells this to are taken aback by her bluntness, but also a little clueless about what she means. It's the kind of nuance that I would and do enjoy. Unfortunately, it also closely follows one of the show's most annoying scenes at the tail end of the series- where it tries to play off workplace sexism and misogyny as comedy- boys being boys-Reader, when I tell you that I had to WORK to unclench my jaw--!

I'm not saying we should have a single and obvious narrative of female emancipation. I'm not against realism in fiction, but god, sometimes, please do remember that when we look for escapism, we are actually imagining a better world. The first step toward liberation is allowing yourself to imagine it.

And the show does allow other characters its moments of unfettered fantasy- Im Si Wan parkour-ing all over the rooftops of Amman- and having a semi mystical + Indiana Jones moment in the deserts of Jordan--so why, I ask, are the women not given that gift?

*looks into the camera *

Tl;dr: I enjoyed it, it made me cry every episode, and I cared about all the characters, and if you haven't watched it yet, treat yourselves.

PS. Yes, Han Seok-yul is a disaster bi, sorry, I don't make the rules. Yes, hotties Oh Min Seok and Kang Ha-neul are canonically naked in a hot tub six feet apart because they are bros. Yes, I will be writing the fix it in which they fuck like angry bunnies. Yes, I am going to put my shipper cooties all over this gen slice of life show, deal with it.

#misaeng #kdrama #thinky thoughts

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passivenovember · 4 years ago

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Tagged by: the lovely and talented @cherrydreamer

Tell me which 5 TV shows make you feel better, then tag 10 other blogs.

Im dyslexic and I got the numbers mixed up so it’s 10 shows now whoops

(Through this I’ve realized how much I absolutely guzzle American content. I need recs from other countries so plz HIT A GIRL UP)! This is going to be long as fuck because I’m so passionate about storytelling. Hope you can find something comforting to watch <3

1. How I Met Your Mother: I love everything about this show. From the overarching plotline of “something better is always coming,” and “Nothing in life is legendary unless your friends are there to see it,” to the technical design (The mother is a Yellow Umbrella, Robin is the Blue French Horn) to the intricacy of how this story is told, How I Met Your Mother is integral to my happiness. So much so that whenever I have a panic attack my partner turns on HIMYM. I love it.

2. What We Do In The Shadows: This show is fucking hilarious. Just a bunch of pure of heart, dumb of ass bisexual vampires making a documentary about their lives. Nadja, my favorite character, is autistic and so is one of my best friends. To see her face light up at that kind of representation: unparalleled. There are only 20 episodes and I’ve seen each one four times. It’s hilarious. Colin Robinson the Energy Vampire is one of the most hilarious characters in television history.

3. King of the Hill: My uncle introduced me to a lot of the shows from the 90s that I love. He used to babysit me and show my inappropriate stuff and this was one that always stuck with me. While being genuinely funny I think it does a fantastic job of showing that conservatives can also be kind and understanding people. Hank Hill is one of the greatest cartoon dads; he loves his son, he loves his wife, and any time he is wrong he takes the criticism graciously. Fantastically funny. Also includes the late great Britani Murphy.

4. Daria: she’s one of the characters that I relate to the most. Misunderstood in her time, a fantastic portrayal of what it feels like to be the smart girl--the outsider. She eventually grows to understand that people care about her and what she has to say, that maybe her classmates and family members aren’t terrible. Incredible growth exhibited in someone so young. ALSO: the animation is so badass. Dry humor is the best humor.

5. Pen15: Shows us that we all were so awkward in our youth and that, in many ways, we never really left middle school. At its core it’s a story about friendship--how important it is not to take yourself so seriously. Has a staggering amount of heart, as well. Love.

6. Bobs Burgers: Loving the people around you BECAUSE of their eccentricities, not in spite of them. Loving fully and completely until it consumes you. Loving without fear. Fantastic, i’ve been watching since 2011 and I’m so proud of how far this show has come.

7. Sex and the City: First off, I’m a Miranda. While some of the concepts of this one are a little outdated, the heart of the show remains the same: friendship, good shoes, and good sex are the most important things in life. Carrie Bradshaw and her friends taught me that it’s okay to be unapologetically smart. And Sexy. And sweet. That being a woman isn’t one-toned, it’s multivocal. That there’s not wrong way to be feminine. Love. Not to mention every person in America knew if they were a Carrie, Samantha, Charolette, or Miranda (let me know which one is you).

8. Grace and Frankie: You really don’t want to get me started with this one. Two women in their 70s must start fresh in life when their husbands leave them to marry each other. This show says so much about womanhood, how we are thrown away once we reach a certain age. It teaches us that it’s never too late to start over and live your best life. Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda? Powerhouses. Icons. Heroes to young women for decades. This show has so many fans of so many different ages and I could talk about this show for HOURS if you’d let me.

9. Gravity Falls: Spooky and funny and SO MUCH LORE! My gothy nerd heart sings every time I watch this. Such a beautiful message about growing up, too, which is one that always makes me cry. The buildup to the final moments of Weirdmegeddon 2 is incredible...I have a tattoo of Bill Cipher. And I’m a simp for outstanding animation. I could watch this show a trillion times and never grow tired of it.

10. The Proud Family: I’m black, so. And I was in elementary school around the time this originally aired so it taught me a lot of really important things about race and personality and sticking together as a family. Also: Beyonce and Solange did the theme song. What else could you ASK FOR!

Honorable mentions: Blackish, Moesha, Sister Sister, A Different World, 30 Rock, Arrested Development, and New Girl.

I nominate: Anyone who feels so inclined! (I also don’t have 10 mutuals that I interact with regularly oops)

#grace and frankie #the proud family #daria #pen15 show #moesha #sister sister #gravity falls #sex and the city #bobs burgers #what we do in the shadows #king of the hill #how i met your mother

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ozzdog12 · 4 years ago

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2020 Top 7 (and 1)

2020 am I right? We saw an insane amount of games come out and 2 brand new consoles. What a wild and weird year for gaming, and life in general. In case you are relatively new here, and to be honest that would be completely fair considering I don't post very often on Tumblr anymore, every year going on the last 4 years (on here) I have done a Top 7 (& 1) for my favorite videogames of the year. Check out 2019, 2018, & 2017. What’s wild, as I look back on my list of games that I’ve completed and played, only maybe 10 came out this year. 2020 was a huge backlog year.

Lets get on with the ‘And 1!”

Favorite Game that Didn’t Come out in 2020: Control (PS4)

Control may very well have been my 2019 Game of the Year, had I played it in 2019. I LOVED Control. I wanted to play it in 2019, but initial reports that it was a little rough on base consoles put me off until it was fixed. And Holy smokes what an insanely fun and trippy game once I finally started it. I knew within the first 20 minutes this was going to be the shit when I went down a hall, walked into a room and talked to the “janitor” left out a door behind him and the entire building had shifted. I’ve always liked Remedy games, but from a distance. Max Payne 1&2 and Alan Wake all oozed with weirdness and intrigue, but never enough for me to finish them. I missed out on Quantum Break. The story is Control is just the right amount of mind f*!$ for me and builds a universe I didn’t know I needed. It take some time to piece everything together, then everything just clicks. The game does have a weird difficulty spike when fighting bosses and the checkpoints were too far apart at times, but those were later patched. I spent an insane amount of time within the Federal Bureau of Control building and even more time after that with the Foundation and AWE DLC and it STILL wasn’t enough. I wanted more. Outside of Prey, I can’t think of another game that stuck in my brain more after I’d finished it. Control is absolutely a MUST PLAY title. In a world where everything sort’ve feels similar, Control stands out of the crowd.

Number 7: Astro’s Playroom (PS5)

I never thought in my wildest dreams that a game I had almost zero interest in playing would end up on my list of favorite games this year. Astro’s Playroom is being labeled as a ‘Tech demo’ but that feels like an insult to what it is. It’s a full fledged game and its free! I’ve paid more for less. A charming little platformer that lives and breathes the history of the Playstation. So many cool Easter eggs and references. It certainly centers its gameplay around the DualSense controller and everything it can do, but at its core, its a completely approachable and forgiving 3D platformer. I played it just to see what it was about, next thing i knew I had completed all the levels and wanted to further explore all the nooks and crannies within the game. I wanted to see everything the game had to offer and I had an absolute blast doing so. Makes me kinda wish I’d played the previous game on PSVR (I’d have to have a PSVR too)

Number 6: Spider-Man: Miles Morales (PS5)

Another quality title, albeit a spin-off, from Insomniac to add to their Spider Man universe. Gameplay felt obviously like Spider-Man, but Miles has unique abilities that made the game feel different enough, especially the cloak and stealth. I enjoyed the fact that it was short and concise. The issue with most ‘open-world’ games is that they are entirely too bloated with unnecessary filler content (I’ll get to that in a later game), something I felt the first game suffered from, but I also understand why they are there. However I could’ve use one or two more story missions to help flesh out some characters, but it wasn’t required and didn’t change my opinion one way or the other. My one BIG gripe was with Miles himself. He is an extremely smart young kid, but so incredibly naïve. Peter Parker tells him the one thing he SHOULD NOT do is tell people he is Spider-Man. I get it, that’s part of his growth, but Miles thinks he can just solve his problems by revealing his identity and it almost certainly never works out.

Number 5: The Last of Us: Part 2 (PS4)

The Last of Us Part 2 may be the most polarizing game in the history of the medium, but for the absolute wrong reasons. I’m in the minority that I very much enjoyed my experience with TLOU2, quite a bit actually. Its better in every single way over its predecessor, except the overall story. There are plenty of fair criticisms to be had about the story and various things within the game itself, but I thought the gameplay was so tight and crunchy. There were genuine moments of suspense and terror that I felt that no other game has ever given me. The entire hospital section (2nd time) was so susensful, I had to put my controller down to gther myself. Some of my favorite moments in the series I experienced with a character I wasn’t overly fond of. How many games can do that? The Last of Us Part 2 was meant to invoke emotion, not necessarily joy. I think that's what people lost along the way. Say what you will about the direction Naughty Dog has taken over the years, but you would be hard pressed to find a studio that makes games graphically better than they do. Yes, I know about their crunch culture, but this is not a place for that. I will say, the game was a tad bit too long, which is not something it typically say for a single player, narrative driven game. The pacing and the way the story was told wasn’t my favorite, but I respect what it was trying to do, even if it failed in some aspect of that, I finished the game within the week it was released. Something I RARELY ever do. I’m a father and I related with Joel a lot in TLOU, but I also recognized how wrong he was. There is a lesson to be learned. Your actions always have consequences and while he was doing what he thought was the right thing, it wasn’t his choice to make, and in doing so set up a series of events that were entirely avoidable, but again, that’s the point isn’t it?

Number 4: Grindstone (Switch)

I’m counting this as a 2020 game since it just came to the Switch this year ( less than a month ago) but its not the first time I’ve played it. Grindstone was the only reason I kept my Apple Arcade subscription and when I let it lapse, there was a void I just couldn’t fill. I bought Puzzle Quest on Switch but it just wasn't the same. Its THE perfect game for bite sized play, even though in its addictive nature, you’ll clear a few levels and an hour has passed before you know it. It has the perfect amount of depth that most ‘match’ games don't. You have different weapons, items, and outfits w/perks to use and experiment with to keep it fresh. I went months without playing my Switch and when this was announced in August, I couldn’t wait! Sadly, I had to wait 3 months, but since then I have spent so much time on the Switch. It gave me a reason to play it again. The art style and humour is great. The variety of enemies and challenge is just right. I can’t recommend it enough. Seriously, check this game out!

Number 3: Doom Eternal (Xbox One)

I will be the first to tell you, I did not like Doom (2016). I found it extremely boring and trite. I understood what Doom(2016) was doing and it succeeded, maybe too much. Nostalgia is a helluva thing. So in saying that, I was mildly interested in Doom Eternal. Doom Eternal is nothing like 2016 outside of it being a Doom game that connects to the rest of them (& also being a sequel to 2016). The mechanics are drastically different with more platforming (for better or worse). Eternal is challenging, at times very hard, especially early on. Eternal has no respect for its players, in a weirdly good way. It laughs at how you’ve played FPS before this one and WILL MAKE you play it its way, not your way. Yes, you point and shoot, but ammo is scare and you MUST use everything in your arsenal. No more using just 2 guns for the whole game. The enemies are relentless. Sometimes you have to pause and take a breath after a battle because you go a 100 mph for the whole fight. You have to continuously move or you die. There is an enticing rhythm to it. I categorize Eternal as ‘Blood Ballet’. Its a game where when your feeling it, much like a rhythm game, you get in the zone and there is no stopping demons from getting slayed. Surprisingly, unlike most games in the genre, it seemed to get easier (sans one extremely frustrating platforming section late in the game) the longer you played it. Was that a testament that I ‘learned’ the Eternal way or it truly did get easier? I don’t know, but the final Boss(es) were....easy.. I had more problems and deaths within the first 4 hours than I did the final 8-9 hours. The multiplayer was also surprisingly fun. The older I get, the less interested I am in multiplayer, but I found myself coming back for more for a good month or so.

Number 2: Gears Tactics (Xbox One)

As 2020 comes to a close, I came to a stunning realization. I might be a bigger Gears of War fan than I had previously thought. Don’t get me wrong. I love Gears, but I seem to love Gears more than I thought. I'm way more invested into the lore than I recall. Anyways, Gears Tactics is everything XCOM 2 SHOULD’VE been. Not only does Gears Tactics utilize the Overwatch action, its makes it EXTREMELY important. The story revolves around the father of Kait Diaz, Gabe and a ragtag group of mostly random soldiers to take down Ukkon. Anyone who is remotely interested in the Gears universe will love the story and references. The gameplay is just so damn satisfying. The bosses are very challenging and different. I actually had to change my strategy to finish the final boss. I experimented with a totally different style of class and was rewarded for it. The post game stuff is also aplenty. This game scratched a VERY specific itch for me and I’m itchy to jump back in. I’m glad this came to Xbox One because I’m current computer could not run it.

Number 1: Ghost of Tsushima (PS4)

I have a very odd relationship with massive open world games. I love them, but I get very burnt out on them. They all have a relatively same-y formula and are often populated with bloat. GoT does have some of that but to its advantage, its not very populated, in a good way. One of the things that I really appreciated about GoT and its side quest is most of them felt meaningful. The thing that really stood out to me about GoT is the absolutely satisfying combat. It just feels SO GOOD. It requires timing and patience. There are different fighting styles for different enemies and even the armor you wear is more than just cosmetic. The combat is so fun and satisfying that I was immediately excited when they announced Legends, a multiplayer add on, for free. Its so much fun and is a blast to play with a group of friends. I’m sporadically still playing the Legends mode. I initially wanted to play the game in ‘Kurosawa’ mode but I am glad I didn’t because the game, even on the PS4 is stunning, and on the upgrade on PS5 is jaw-droppingly smooth. I did play the entire game in Japanese with English subtitles. I still don't know what Jin’s English voice sounds like. GoT does a good job a drip feeding you new abilities and things to keep things fresh. I love stealth and once I unlocked it, I spent the majority of every battle taking out as many enemies as I could while in stealth mode. Ghost of Tsushima does a lot of things very well, that the few things it doesn’t can be easily overlooked.

#videogames #control #grindstone #tlou #doom eternal #gears tactics #ghost of tsushima #ps4 #ps5 #xbox one #switch #nintendo switch #playstation4 #GOTY #spiderman #astro playroom

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notthatiwilleverwriteit · 4 years ago

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Hello! I have a given question if you don't mind. I absolutely fall in love with akiugetsu and I was a little heart broken when they didn't end up together. But something I don't understand is why did they drag out this complicated relationship. They were both suffering and wanted to end it but didn't and they both were with others but still continued. If they were still in love why couldn't they work on it to be a couple again?

Hello, dear anon and a fellow AkiUgetsu enthusiast!

I don’t mind Given asks at all. They are both a nice change to 19 Days posts and also a challenge since Given is a very different kind of work to analyze.

So far, I have talked about AkiUgetsu a couple of times:

My thoughts on AkiUgetsu’s story

My thoughts on Akihiko forcing himself on Haruki

About Ugetsu and Akihiko’s lack of motivation

I will probably repeat some of the things I have already said, but quite a lot of time has passed since my first ever Given ask. I have had many interesting discussions, thoughts, and notes since then about AkiUgetsu, so I wanted to take this ask as a chance to perhaps update some of the previous things. Given is the kind of very layered and complex story that you always find new things to mull over.

To me, it looks like you kind of had two questions: Why didn’t AkiUgetsu end their relationship earlier if they were both unhappy? Why couldn’t they have tried to fix it and the story took the AkiHaru road? I’ll be dividing my answer according to those two matters.

“why did they drag out this complicated relationship”

I would say AkiUgetsu is by far the most complicated relationship in Given, so I don’t think there is one clearcut answer to that. Both Akihiko and Ugetsu had their own complex and conflicting feelings regarding each other. And to make matters even more complicated, they were both poor at communicating when it came to each other.

I tend to visualize AkiUgetsu in two ways: a cycle and two layers on top of each other. I think both of those dynamics of their relationship contributed to them not being able to let go of each other and dragging it out as you put it.

Circles repeat themselves, but even they have a beginning that started it all. I think the beginning of the AkiUgetsu circle was when Ugetsu wanted to break up for the first time (vol. 4 ch. 17):

Ugetsu loved Akihiko. Before meeting Akihiko, Ugetsu’s life and passion had only revolved around music and the violin. But the more he fell in love with Akihiko, the more Ugetsu realized his passion was being pulled away from his music. Instead of chasing new heights in the violin, he was “chasing” Akihiko as in his mind was more filled with him. (There were also reasons regarding Akihiko, but I will get to those a bit later.)

I think that kind of disturbance of his priorities made Ugetsu both uneasy and scared. It felt like he was losing control. His music that was such an essential part of him that it borderline defined him was becoming almost stagnated. He was in this place where Akihiko loved him and he loved Akihiko but he was staying there at the expense of his music.

The bottom line is, he didn’t want to break up with Akihiko because he didn’t love him (anymore) but rather because his love for Akihiko was threatening something that was at the very core of Ugetsu’s existence. And I feel where he was coming from in all that. In fact, it’s something I can even relate to in his character.

But it seems to me like he never explained any of that to Akihiko. He just said that they should “end this already”. That choice of words was the end result of his own contemplating, so it sounded as such as well. Like there was this laundry list of problems in their relationship, and they should put a stop to it already. To Akihiko, this all seemed to come as a surprise and shock. Like he didn’t know what Ugetsu was talking about and despite them fighting a lot, Akihiko still thought they had been happy. And if Ugetsu didn’t explain his thought process and real reasons - like I strongly suspect he didn’t - I’m sure it all sounded to Akihiko like Ugetsu didn’t love him anymore.

It wasn’t told to us in the comic, but I have always had this headcanon that Akihiko suggested they stayed roommates. Maybe he suggested it as such or maybe he originally asked for time to find a new place and it never happened. Maybe he suggested they stayed under the same roof to see if they could still be something. Regardless, I think it was Akihiko who was reluctant to accept Ugetsu’s decision. And that ultimately wore out Ugetsu’s resolve which was on a shaky basis to begin with. After all, he still loved Akihiko and wanted to be with him, and deciding to break up was painful. So, when he allowed Akihiko to stay as a roommate, it was like an in-between solution that ended up entering them both in the painful cycle.

Then for two years, they were stuck in a circle that replayed the highs and lows of their relationship (vol. 4 ch. 20):

Whenever they had been apart for a while, they remembered the good they had together. They knew each other in and out and had years of history together. It was as if they both took comfort in the other one always being there. No matter who Ugetsu dated or where Akihiko spent the night, they could still fall back to each other when it all went back to “normal”. It was familiar and safe in many ways. Ultimately those honeymoon phases discouraged both of them to seriously move on. Ugetsu dated people halfheartedly and Akihiko could feel like he was needed in Ugetsu’s life again.

But the lows of the circle were also like small break-ups over and over again. For Akihiko especially, it was like being suddenly reminded of their real relationship status. That he was in this position from two years ago once again. Ugetsu didn’t love him and he was pushing Akihiko away. And Ugetsu being unable to take the last step and make up his mind already was frustrating to Akihiko. He still had feelings for Ugetsu, so he needed Ugetsu to put an end to it. All the while he didn’t know that Ugetsu was feeling the same and was waiting for Akihiko to walk away.

So, as I said, complicated with a side of poor communication.

Besides the cycle that was very hard for both of them to break, I think they were stuck also because there were two layers in their relationship as roommates. (vol. 3 ch. 16):

Officially and on the surface, they were just roommates. On paper, they weren’t romantically involved anymore and both free to date and sleep with other people. So, in this regard, Ugetsu had a full right to date whoever he wanted without that making him a “whore”, “slut”, or “cheater” as I have seen him being called in the fandom. He and Akihiko weren’t in a romantic relationship anymore, so he was single.

But I still understand why Akihiko got angry when he walked in on Ugetsu sleeping with that other guy and why the situation escalated. Below their official relationship status, under the surface, they were still very much romantically involved with each other. Akihiko still had feelings for Ugetsu, and Ugetsu still had feelings for Akihiko. They had sex together, they were still intimate with each other. It wasn’t said out loud but they weren’t just roommates and they were both aware of that. So, when Ugetsu slept with someone else which he was free to do, it still hurt Akihiko because it disregarded what they had going on under the surface.

That second hidden layer was also something that kept them dragging their relationship on as well. They had this “roommates with benefits” relationship going on while the strings of their previous official relationship were still firmly attached.

As far as the fandom discourse goes, I think this is where a lot of debate is brewed. The two layers created this “yes, but...” situation between AkiUgetsu. And I think people sometimes knowingly ignore one of them to support their interpretation of Akihiko and Ugetsu one way or another. I don’t personally think that you can be black and white about their situation.

What ultimately kept them together was both of them being unable to let go and waiting for the other one to sever their relationship. And so, together they sunk deeper and deeper while clinging to and rekindling memories despite both being miserable and in pain. Ugetsu wanted to be with Akihiko but he couldn’t feel at peace with him and he didn’t want to keep hurting Akihiko. Akihiko clung to Ugetsu because he loved him and some of that love still lingered, but the more he refused to let go the more he was putting himself down.

“If they were still in love why couldn't they work on it to be a couple again?”

Even though AkiUgetsu is most definitely my Given OTP, their final break-up still made sense to me and I think it needed to happen. I think the end of their relationship was already sowed in the beginning of their relationship.

As I already said about Ugetsu, despite loving Akihiko, he wasn’t at peace. He was also (and originally) in love with music and couldn’t have both fit in his life without feeling suffocated. I also mentioned there were reasons regarding Akihiko to which I would come back later. I think those reasons were another big factor why their relationship couldn’t work despite them loving each other.

Ugetsu didn’t originally want to break up just for his own sake but also for Akihiko (vol. 4 ch. 17):

When Akihiko was faced with Ugetsu’s immense natural talent, he both fell in love with it but also resented it. It excited him but discouraged him at the same time. And eventually, he lost his drive and motivation for music (violin) and gave up on it.

I think that reaction was a defense mechanism of sorts for Akihiko. In the presence of such intense talent, it was scary to try his best and still come second. That would have only confirmed what Akihiko already was thinking about. So, it was safer to give up, but that was painful, too. Giving up on one’s passion doesn’t kill the passion. It just gets shoved almost violently away in a place where you can pretend to have forgotten about it. That only became easier when Akihiko started playing the drums where he could find a proper distraction from the violin.

I don’t think any of that escaped Ugetsu. He noticed Akihiko’s lack of motivation and thought it was a shame. He knew Akihiko was good and had plenty of talent, but he had lost his trigger to evolve. On some level, Ugetsu realized Akihiko was giving up on the violin because of him. That Ugetsu’s music was painful for Akihiko. That his music was making Akihiko feel and do things he didn’t want to.

So, even though they loved each other when they broke up for the first time, it was the kind of love that made them unhappy. Now, could they have worked out those issues back then with proper communication? To some extent, maybe. Maybe they could have talked about Akihiko’s insecurity and figured out solutions for it. Maybe Ugetsu could have found a balance between the violin and Akihiko.

I want to say maybe, but...I tend to lean more towards a no. To me, those issues were about how they reacted to each other. I think Ugetsu would have always made Akihiko feel inferior and Akihiko would have always made Ugetsu feel like he had to make an either-or decision. I think those feelings would have always been underlying in their relationship.

And by the time they broke up for good, I think their relationship was at a point where there was nothing left to safe. When Akihiko finally decided to walk away from Ugetsu, I’m not sure if there still was the kind of love left between them that could have been salvaged. Over the years, it had twisted and changed shades. I honestly couldn’t have seen how they could had gone back after the pain they had put each other through. Instead of loving each other like they had used to, their relationship had become more about being afraid of letting go.

I don’t think neither of them - and especially Akihiko - could realize the state of their actual feelings until Akihiko spent some time living with Haruki. It both broke the cycle but also effectively helped Akihiko see the situation from a proper distance. He had loved Ugetsu but it had turned suffocating and he was scared to go back to it. He didn’t want to go back to it. He also realized his passion for music again, now with the trigger that Ugetsu had talked about. I’m not saying all this to make Ugetsu sound like the villain or poison, but Akihiko needed to get away to see things with a clearer mind.

Then there is also the development of AkiUgetsu to AkiHaru to consider. Now, I feel like I have to make something clear before entering this part of my answer. I do not ship AkiHaru. In fact, it’s probably my Given NOTP. Personally, I don’t see any romantic/sexual chemistry between them and I think they would have been better off as friends regardless of how AkiUgetsu ended. For me to feel their relationship, I think their development should have been executed better/differently.

But all that being said, the overall move from AkiUgetsu to AkiHaru made sense. It was the poetically satisfying storyline choice for Akihiko instead of AkiUgetsu being the endgame despite everything. From darkness to light. From the basement to the balcony. From losing motivation to being driven again. From coming in second to being someone’s number one. From angst to fluff.

As much as I’m not interested in AkiHaru, I do recognize its poetically symbolic value. I think to an author, Ugetsu-Akihiko-Haruki was an excellent opportunity to build parallels and “healing” type of character development. So, as such, I understand why the story went as it went despite preferring some other routes.

Thank you for your question, dear anon! It’s always nice to bump into AkiUgetsu folks!

#given #akiugetsu #murata ugetsu #kaji akihiko #akiharu #answered ask

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moonprincessdiviniation · 4 years ago

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Pick A Card - October 2020

**All readings are open to interpretation and are meant as a guide. Nothing is set in stone and nothing should be treated as fact. Not everything will resonate, so take what does and leave the rest. If no pile resonates, it just means your message isn't in this post. But thank you for reading and I hope your month is transformative and full of good energy** 💜

Pick A Card Photos

Pile 1 - 🎃

Pile 2 - 🦋

Pile 3 - 💙🇺🇸

Pile 4 - ⭐🇺🇸

**Every pile is going to be different in terms of how many cards fell out. I tried to keep a set number in mind, but spirit urged me to take more with certain piles**

Pile 1 - 🎃

The general theme for the month of October

My pile ones have been through some stuff 😔 this month is about reminding yourself with what you've still got or who you still have in your life. For those of you who feel that you have nothing/no one, the fact that you are still here after going through this, is proof enough that you're strong enough to face anything life throws at you. Take this time to do that thing you've been considering or working on, really work hard and think through it seriously, you've got the power within you to put it into action. Use this thing that you're putting so much work into to get stronger within yourself. It's not just anyone that can do this thing you're working hard towards, so the fact that you're doing it and are going to do well in it? Should tell you how amazing and talented you are 💜 so take this as an ego boost and embrace it. Look for the truths in the things and relationships around you. Decide who and what you want to continue putting your energy into. It's time to let go of things and people that are no longer serving you to make room for things and people that will. A possible love interest might be coming, or some really happy news you've been waiting for. Everything that happened before this was designed to help you get to this point, it was a part of your divine plan. I cannot pinpoint what this big thing is, as divine timing is hiding it, but it's everything you've been asking for. So take comfort that so long as you don't give up, you've almost reached the end of the dark tunnel. Happiness is waiting for you, don't let it escape you because your shadows and ego are holding you back. 💜 You've got this my pile ones.

Things to look forward to:

Things are calming down, lots of peace, quiet, stillness and that moment to catch your breath

Strengthening your gifts, receiving new ones or learning you have them

Things to look out for:

Learn to be more flexible with your time and energy, you'll be tested

Take this time to say no to things. It's okay if you're not ready for something, don't half the work and turn it in, it'll do more harm than good.

Stop putting your energy in the future or looking at the past, they cannot serve you now. Focus on right here, right now, or this will be another thing you contemplate on

Advice:

Take this time to nurture yourself and settle down. Take that break from school or work, spend that lazy day lounging around the house in a face mask while picking up your room. Remember, those clothes you picked up from the floor for two minutes is one less thing you have to do and will feel so good to do. Or curl up watching a show you've seen a thousand and one times because it makes you feel better. Do something that will feed your soul and body at the same time, your guides are urging you to. Protect your energy, release the connections you make in a day and return them, take back the energy you gave. Now is the time to take care of yourself, rely on the fact that you know what's best for you. Ask your guides to protect you, guide you away from people and things that won't serve you a good purpose. You're on your way to being a great guiding influence, a teacher to those who need it. But it's being suppressed, so you're not seeing the things you should, grasping into the full power you're capable of. It's time to focus on the things and connections you've been neglecting. Do the things you've been saying you'll get to, take a break from the things you keep doing daily that aren't serving you anything substantial. It's time to bring balance back into your life, in whatever way that means for you 💜

Pile 2 - 🦋

The general theme for the month of October

My pile twos are my mom best friend moonbeams 💜 you work hard on your personal and business lives. I'm seeing it's been hard to find a balance between the two lately and it's starting to take a toll on you. You're starting to question yourself and the intentions of others around you, which is causing inner turmoil. You're finding it hard to trust yourself and the strength you usually have towards situations like this. But fear not, good news is coming! It could be in the form of finances, but that might not be the only thing for some cases, so be open to things. I see you're juggling a lot too, finding it hard to just focus on one thing for too long. You are not superhuman, please take my advice and follow the 20/5 rule. Spend twenty uninterrupted minutes (no answering notifications, getting up to grab that snack you're suddenly craving, scrolling through socials, whatever the distraction is) doing one task at a time. Then after those twenty minutes have passed, answer the notifications, scroll through socials, grab the snack. But time yourself, don't cave. You've been manifesting too, something or someone in your life to help things along. They or it, is just around the corner and this will be a time of learning for you. Everything is starting to fall into place for you, it's just going to take a little while longer for things to stabilize, have patience. 💜

Things to look forward to:

A strengthening within connections you've made. Whether it's family or friends, you're rebuilding those connections and making them better than they've been. This could also point to inner healing, so prepare for some time out to reflect on past actions and how to learn from them.

For some of you this is going to be a step back, but it's a good month for being homebodies. Now is the time to stay home, take that break. For some of you who have been stuck wherever because of covid, this might be a point that you can return home soon.

Things to look out for:

A lot of you are forgetting where you came from, your roots. So expect to be brought back down from the cloud you're on to be reminded.

Some of you are lacking in family or friend relationships. Your relationships might be tested that you still want them in your life, or how much they think you care about them

Advice:

Now is the time to really sit down with yourself and ask what it is that you want in this life. You're losing your purpose and getting derailed from your track. Some of you might be overwhelmed or lashing out at those around you because of things that appear in your mind, or emotions that spring out of nowhere. Have patience and don't stress too much, you're reaching a spiritual awakening and it's come at this time to make you stronger for this thing or person you've been asking for. Take some time out to take care of yourself, have a long bath and look within, ask yourself what the core issue was during these times. It'll help the process go by quicker if you can be honest with yourself and become more self aware of your actions. Take this time to get outside, reconnect with nature and yourself. Remind yourself why you have to take time out like this, feed your soul. For some of you I keep hearing your chakras are blocked, your heart, crown or root chakras to be more exact. A lot of you have been afraid to take some big leap and it's caused you to be stagnant. Your guides are saying they're going to force it out of you by bringing something to light a fire under your butt. So take the leap when the time comes and get out of your comfort zone or you're going to get burned and all your hard work will come undone. They're trying to help you, so allow them to by working and trusting in them. 💜

Pile 3 - 💙🇺🇸

The general theme for the month of October

Something unexpected and drastic happened to my pile threes recently. Things are changing for you, they're getting better in this month. They're settling down and calming down for you. But now is the time for you to do lots of planning. Whatever happened really changed a lot of the things in your future, so you have to adjust and move things around for your well-being. It's time to take that big leap of faith you've been waiting to do. Your guides protected you from making this leap previously because they knew this event had to happen first. They didn't want you to fall mid leap and take away the wrong message. Nothing is holding you back now, take that big step. Be happy in your decision to do this thing you've been waiting for. Work hard, put your all into whatever this is and prove to yourself and others that you're capable of anything 💜 You have everything within you to bring this thing into something stable and to attract positive things. You're full of determination, power and the universe wants you to succeed this time. So don't hold back, jump and give it your all, this is your sign to do it. You will be tested in the midst of this hard work, but it's to help bring forward a new opportunity for you. So be mindful of what you do and who you put your energy into so you aren't derailed for too long. This new opportunity will seem like something you shouldn't invest time into, but it's exactly what you need to continue forward. So embrace the uncomfortable feeling for just a little while, eventually you'll get to where you need to be.

Things to look forward to:

Finances will be better. You'll get that job you were hoping for, or income will start to be more stable

Lots of risks to take. You'll see how much fun it is to put your faith into the universes hands and trust that things will work out without stressing

Things to look out for:

You'll want to keep fighting for something and will keep failing. This is the universe telling you that you aren't meant for this. To let it go and look for something/someone else

This is a rough transition for some of you, so be mindful of your emotional health. Do things that make you happy, don't let yourself be too overwhelmed by things

Trust that things happen for a reason and don't question them

Be more creative, you've been drowning in stagnant routines and people, feed your creativity

Advice:

It may not feel like it, but everything that has happened was divinely guided. These events were put in place to make you a better and stronger person for the planned things ahead. Trust in the universe, it knows what it's doing. Now isn't the time to be a wallflower or to follow the crowd. You have a voice, a style, an opinion, share them. They're what's going to help break you out from the usual mold. You're meant to be a leader, so prove to yourself and others that you are. Don't let others drown out what you have to say or take away your spotlight. You have a gift, a light you're meant to share with others. Your soul has been training you for this for lifetimes, keep working towards your goal. You're almost there to the end of your goal, something big is coming. You're not ready for it yet, so it's not coming any time soon. But it's in the process of forming, it or they are waiting for you to push through this last hurdle. Don't keep it or them waiting any longer 💜

Pile 4 - ⭐🇺🇸

The theme for the month of October

Oh pile fours, you've been biting off more than you can chew. Or at the very least, finding it hard to focus on what it is that you've been wanting to do. You're constantly overwhelmed, looking for something to call out to you and hoping something sticks. You're going to continue feeling like this until you slow down, take time out for yourself and really isolate from others. You need to be able to hear your own thoughts and emotions. But you can't do that if you're constantly immersing yourselves in tv shows, movies and friend drama. You've got to listen to you, figure out what it is that you really want to do. What do you like doing? What are you not fond of? Is there something you could be doing better? You can't answer any of these questions if you're avoiding them. Things are stuck and unable to get better if you can't find the time to get a better sense of understanding of your situation. No one can answer these questions for you, you have to face them yourself. Don't tell the other piles this 🙈 but I'm pretty sure this is my soulmate/twin flame pile. It's rare to get a couple in a reading and this is the only pile with one. If your person isn't coming this month, they're just around the corner. So get to work on that inner work you've been avoiding or you'll miss your chance to meet them sooner. You've been waiting for each other for so long, don't let your ego prevent you from seeing each other any longer.

Things to look forward to:

Things are going to be very stable and you're finally going to be putting those untouched things in their place. Work will be put in for a better outcome

In turn, a strong foundation will be built on top of that hard work. Something you've been asking for will be coming 👀 mayhaps the TF/soulmate?

Things to look out for:

Don't get too lost in your head. It's good to visit, but lingering for too long will leave you stagnant

Breaks are good! But don't go overboard. If you do fifteen minutes of clean up and then reward yourself by chilling watching Netflix for the rest of the night, it's counterproductive.

Advice:

You're so worried about the things you have to do, that you don't even realize you've been doing them. You've already put in the work before, you just have to finish it. It's not as hard as you're overthinking it is. Let loose, have some fun, watch some movies or shows. Take a break if you absolutely need to, just to let go of this seriousness you're holding onto about this. But take care of the work that needs to be done when you're finished. You can't expect to move forward if you don't want to put in the work. You have a job to do with bringing in this new spiritual awakening for those of us in the spiritual community. Even those of us who aren't feel it, they just chalk it up to a new season or a new moon. You and your person are meant to do great things and shift things for the rest of us. But it won't happen if you don't do the work. Release those negative thoughts and feelings. Let go of old energies that no longer serve you and say to yourself that you're no longer going to make the same mistakes you made previously. You're not like your family and in order to pass on that new mindset to your future family and friends, you have to start by being the example. Believe in the path that's waiting for you. Trust in the universe, it's working so hard for you. Don't keep it waiting 💜

#pick a pile #pick a card #free tarot #free readings #tarot #tarotblr

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0ffgun · 5 years ago

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Alright so!! I got some requests from people for me to make a post with tips on how I self-study my languages, so here we are! It’s not perfect and everyone studies differently, but I hope some of these tips can help you out.

Personally I study Korean & Thai so this list is aimed at those but a lot of the study tips are pretty general and can be applied to whatever language you’re learning.

I’m an energetic puppy in human form - I simply CANNOT sit still and study for longer than 20 minutes before getting insanely restless and distracted, so I tend to only actually sit down and actively study once a week. If you’re expecting something clever and insightful this is absolutely the opposite of that... I basically trick myself into learning! So here is my silly little guide, let’s go!

General Tips:

★ Get ridiculous with sticky notes. Seriously, do it. If you’re just starting out and don’t know the words for all of those household objects then go ahead and scribble them down on those post its and stick them EVERYWHERE. It might drive your family members/roommates crazy but hey... you’re doing it for a good cause, right?

★ Don’t rely on romanization too much - if your language has its own writing system, focus on that using as much as you can. Romanization seems helpful but in the long run you’ll rely on it too much. It’s better to get familiar with the native writing system asap!

★ Pick out a word/phrase of the day and write it somewhere you’ll see it often. I have a whiteboard in my room that I’ll scribble a few phrases onto and then every time I walk past it, I’ll say them. Or if I’m not gonna be home all day then I write something on my wrist and glance at it throughout the day! This one is the most fun because when people see it they’re like “ooh that looks pretty!” or “ooh does it mean something deep and profound?” when in reality you have the phrase I like cheese written on your arm and it never stops being entertaining. Bonus points if someone native to that language reads it and looks at you like you’re crazy.

★ Say the words in silly voices. It sounds weird but if you’re sitting there repeating words (like the word banana, for example) from an app in a monotone voice you’re definitely less likely to remember it than if you’re yelling out “BANANA!!” in an opera voice or squeaking out “b an a n a” dramatically as you let go of Jack’s hand and let him sink into the ocean.

★ Don’t isolate vocabulary. Learning new words is great, but it’s useless and you’re more likely to forget it if you don’t learn to use it in a sentence.

★ Keep a diary! One of the absolute best ways to practice your writing and improve your skills is to just jot down a few things every now and then. It’ll be rusty and you won’t have much to say at first and will definitely keep needing that dictionary every 2 seconds, but after a few weeks you’ll really notice the difference. Buy pretty pens and stickers to motivate yourself to write in it! It’s also fun to do this around people who can’t speak it as they’ll look at it in awe and you can show off when in actual fact your writing is usually a clumsy scribbled “today I snacks eat and go sleep” but hey what they don’t know can’t hurt and it’s always fun to look like a genius.

★ Talk to your pets in that language. They’re not going to judge you, they actually don’t even care what you say as long as you say it in that entertaining pet voice. I don’t have any friends that speak Korean or Thai so the majority of my speaking practice is hurled at my dog. If you don’t have a pet, then plants or stuffed animals work perfectly too!

★ Listen to language podcasts while you do household chores, heck if you’ve gotta do something boring, might as well yell foreign words while you do it!

★ Change your phone settings to your target language. That way you’re literally forcing yourself to use it, and it becomes second nature and you pick up key words so quickly. Only do it if you know how to get back into your settings and change it back if you have to... or else you’re stuck and lost.

★ Listen to music and sing a lot. Just scream those lyrics! A little off-key screeching never hurt anybody!

★ Get comfortable with numbers. They’re something that is dominant in ALL languages and you’re going to use them on a daily basis. Start with learning how to count to ten and get comfortable with it, and then go higher. Once you’re used to numbers individually, make it harder. I used to get my mum to write out 10 random numbers between 1 to 10,000 in the morning and I would translate them, and then I would do the same for myself in the evening. After a while you get quicker at them and before you know it you don’t have to awkwardly translate them in your head anymore, the numbers are just there ready in your brain.

★ Don’t only watch dramas! Watch more natural stuff too - variety shows, vlogs, instagram lives... anything where people are just chatting like they normally would do. That way you’re subconsciously learning more casual speech patterns and casual language too!

★ Don’t just study at home! Always make sure you have a dictionary handy (like on your phone, for example!) and keep your brain busy while you’re out and about. Buying some groceries? Try to name everything in the fruit and vegetable aisles and if you don’t know the name of something, look it up! You’re more likely to remember vocab this way as your brain has a situation to associate it to.

★ Be mean and make yourself work for things you normally do - check your horoscope on a regular basis? Read it in your new language instead! Want to check out the weather forecast? Do it the hard way.

★ Don’t feel like studying? Not in the mood? Then don’t do it! Instead put on your favourite show in your study language of choice. Not every study session has to be a hard one. Just relax and watch a foreign movie! You have no idea how much your brain picks up without you even noticing, chilling out and watching a drama absolutely counts as studying. Don’t force yourself to study if you’re not feeling it, you’re more likely to learn if you’re having a good time.

Advanced Tips:

★ Get keyboard stickers - if your new language has a different alphabet and you use your laptop to study it a lot then you’re definitely gonna need these! You can buy them SUPER cheap on ebay!

★ Change the language on your Netflix account and get ready to binge watch your faves! If you change your profile language to the one that you’re studying, you’ll notice that a lot of the shows available will now show subtitles in that language too. If you’re pretty advanced then now is probably the time to drop your native subs and start watching with the original subtitles in the original language.. good luck!

★ Play Pokemon. When the latest Pokemon games started coming out with Korean language options I JUMPED at the chance - what better way to study than to just laze around playing video games? This is great for any other kinds of games you can snatch up in your target language too.

★ Read a favourite book in your new language. A common one is Harry Potter! It’s pretty much available in every language at this point and it’s a story you probably already know, which means you never get too lost because you know the plot already.

Resources:

Here are a bunch of apps and things that I use for studying that I find super helpful (and all of these are free!)

Drops (for Thai and Korean - available in both the apple store and the google play store) - I use this app every single day without fail. It’s brilliant for expanding your vocabulary (there are TONS of languages available on there too!) HOWEVER: It only lets you study for 5 minutes and then you have to wait around 9-ish hours before you gain another 5 minutes to work with unless you want to pay for more. But honestly? That’s a good thing. You only need 5 minutes of vocab study before your brain wants to dissolve into mush anyway. I get up, do my morning stuff (usually just involves rolling around and blinking in confusion before grabbing a coffee) and then sit and do 5 minutes of drops, and then by the evening my 5 minutes have replenished and I do it again. Rinse and repeat, and you’ll be learning more words in a week than you even realise!

Duolingo (I use this for Korean, there is currently no Thai option) - This app is fantastic. I don’t recommend it for beginners as it should be used as more of an aid alongside your natural studies, rather than as a study resource itself. This app expects you to already know the basics so I’d dig into this one once you’re starting to get a little comfortable with your language!

Naver Dictionary (for Korean) - I use this every single day! Not only does it help me when I need to find a certain word, it also gives me lists of example sentences which is PERFECT and super helpful when I’m trying to memorize words! And for Thai I use Thai-English Dictionary (I can only find it in the Apple store sadly) and that’s incredibly handy too, I wouldn’t be able to cope without it! I also use this website as a Thai dictionary when I’m not on my iPad!

Talk To Me In Korean (for Korean) - This has been a core element to my Korean studies. They have tons of lessons available on their website, they do regular YouTube videos (usually only 5-10 mins long, perfect for just a mini casual study session!) and they also sell textbooks and do podcasts too. If you learn best from textbooks then these are by far my favourite ones I’ve found, give them a try! They’re not too pricey.

Lingodeer (for Korean) - It’s cute, it’s friendly and it’s helpful!! I learned a bunch of new phrases using this one and it’s perfect for casual study!

Memrise (for Korean) - Fantastic if you’re a beginner! There are tons of languages available on here too. Although, there are only 3 levels in Korean so I got through this one pretty fast.

Eggbun (for Korean) - An app that encourages you to learn using a texting format! I haven’t really used it much but I have friends that have said it’s really useful!

Ling (for Thai and Korean) - This one was pretty good, once again though I wouldn’t use it if you’re a beginner, it’s probably a lot more helpful if you know the basics before you attempt this one! I’ve only used it for Thai but there’s a Korean option you could try checking it out!

Mondly (for Thai and Korean) - This app is cheeky and it wants your money. You get a bunch of free lessons to start with which are GREAT but that’s it. Then it reduces you to one free lesson a day but honestly? Still useful so go ahead and use it. They also have speaking practice available too!

Thai2English (for Thai) - This website is an absolute LIFESAVER!! If I’m ever browsing and come across a sentence that just throws me, I simply copy and paste and this legend of a website just breaks it down for me word for word.

Extra Korean links:

Children’s books in Korean

Learning Korean through fairytales - a textbook used in Korea for children who are learning to read, it’s helpful as a Korean language learner too! You get a little story and then it’ll ask you questions about what you just read.

TOPIK previous exams - these are so good for practice and if you want to get a general idea of what academic level your Korean skills are at.

Learning to type in Hangul - this one was fun and I now type Korean pretty comfortably on my laptop so if you know you’re gonna be typing a lot, I recommend this program!

#the way I learn languages is so weird I am so SORRY #I kinda just implement my language into my daily life and it works perfectly for me... I hope this is helpful to at least ONE person djgsjk #thai resources are sadly not that common but I'll add more if I find them!#language studies

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engagedtobefree · 3 years ago

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For many months now I’ve been working through many traumas inflicted on me by men, and it’s amazing to me how healing pulls back so many layers. I have over the course of my life worked through some of the traumas already, so I already knew how realizations can occur, but working on these other things and having new ones pop up, I’m still amazed. Even taking a look back on past stuff I already worked through has me uncovering pieces of myself I didn’t know existed.

I don’t know when my first kiss was. I know I was 5 or 6, I just don’t know when it actually happened or who took it from me. There was Michael, one of my best friends in Kindergarten, who would hold me down and kiss me all over my face. I would always tell him no, so he’d pin me down and force his kisses on me. Sometimes, his older brother and his brother’s friends would be around and they’d egg him on. Michael didn’t come back when we started first grade, and I was relieved. I didn’t know that relief isn’t something you’re supposed to feel when you’ll never see your friend again.

Then there was AJ, who was 13. AJ was the son of my uncle’s girlfriend, and they all lived in one house together along with my dad. AJ would hold me down and kiss me all over. He showed me his dick a few times and asked me to touch it, but I refused. One time he tried to rape me. He asked me to have sex with him and I told him no, so he pushed me on the bed and tried to have his way with me anyway. No one else was home. I remembered this instance over the years, but I forgot one crucial thing: how hard I fought. I kicked and I screamed and I flailed. I remember him pinning my arms down, but I kept kicking. I didn’t stop. I fought like a wild animal, and I wonder now if that’s what saved me. The fight in me.

Then, there was the man whose name I don’t have. He was in his 20s or 30s, old enough to be my dad. I was with my friend when he came over. He was a friend of her family. He asked if I trusted him and I didn’t say anything. My gut told me no, but my friend said he was fine and the man said he was fine so I said yes. She got up and went inside and the man kissed me, stuck his tongue in my mouth. I shoved him back with every ounce of strength I had and shouted no, then got up and ran back to my uncle’s house. It was probably just because the man was inebriated that I was able to push him away so easily and get away. He didn’t fall backwards, but I was able to get somewhat of a space between us so that I could get up and run away.

And it’s funny to me now that when I look back at all of these things, the instances that caused me to develop anxiety and have a crippling fear of men for many years, that I no longer see what happened to me, but now I see the wild in me and the force of nature that I never really associated with myself. I never thought of myself as weak, ever, and I have known I am resilient, but those things never made me as proud like this does. (And truthfully, I wish I needed less reasons in life to be resilient; I would’ve given anything to have gone through life with a sense of safety and peace I never had anywhere.) I see a fight that I had even when I was little. Growing up, I was very shy and timid, but when I remember my youngest years, I wasn’t that way. There is this whole other person in me, the core of who I am, who got buried so young because of things that were done to me.

And I’m not saying here that people who don’t fight back are weak or not tough or anything. There’s fight, flight, or freeze, and we don’t all react the same way to things. It’s more of the feeling I can remember in those moments, a true untamed nature where I clawed and I kicked and I felt this heat rising inside of me to defend myself. As I got older I lost connection with that defense, and it’s only in recent years I feel like I’ve been slowly getting back in touch with it.

I think of when I was raped at the party when I was 21, how he undid my pants when I was sleeping, how he didn’t give me the chance to fight back, how I woke up in the middle of the night, frozen from the shock and the cold and the alcohol. That time I still felt wild, but it was a cold sort of wild, like I was a deer frozen in headlights. He was more of a coward than any of the others; he attacked me when I was most vulnerable and couldn’t defend myself at all. He put his hands on me, a body he had no right to touch, and he made himself at home. I saw him again two weeks later and it shattered me again. Of all the buildings on campus, and all the days of the week, and all the time slots for classes, his class happened to be in the one right before mine. I was always late to that class so I had no idea, but I happened to be early that day because I had to give a presentation and didn’t want to arrive in a rush and all out of sorts. When I stood up in front of the class, I shaking and stuttering. Everyone probably just thought I was terrified to speak in front of the class, but that wasn’t it at all. There was a girl I sat next to in class who was nice and would talk to me sometimes, and I remember my eyes naturally darting to her and her smiling and nodding her head at me in encouragement. Because she did that, I found my strength in that moment, and I was able to get through the rest of my presentation. I remember seeing him in the doorway, him looking at me and turning away, but then the image of him gets washed away by the kindness, the gentleness, the thoughtfulness of one human who had no idea what I was going through and yet instead of just sitting there bored like everyone else, she helped me in such a profound way with such a small act. It still makes me cry when I think about what she did for me. I still wish to this day I could thank her.

I remember the end of that semester for that class, and the class before mine - the one my rapist was in - was coming to our room accidentally for their exam. Both classes had their exams at the same time, just we got the usual classroom and they got the one next door. People from that class kept flooding to the doorway, and this guy in class who clearly liked me came up to me to sit and talk to me before the exam started, but I didn’t hear him at all. I remember the room blurring and the edges turning white. I remember my pulse quickening and feeling so heavy against my skin that it seemed to burst from me and extend to the whole room. I remember the guy talking and everyone else in the room fading to static in the background. I could barely see anything; all I could really see was a small portion of what was in front of me, so I kept turning toward the door, waiting for my rapist to appear in the doorway. He never did. That is the only time in my life I have ever experience white hot anger, and I don’t know what I would have done had he actually appeared. I’d like to think I’m not capable of killing anyone, but I know with all the adrenaline I had going on in that moment, I would have hurt him very, very badly. I always pictured me tackling him to the ground and bashing his head into the floor and the wall. I always pictured people having to pull me off of him as I screamed at them what he did to me and how he deserved it. I always pictured inflicting even a fraction of the pain he had inflicted on me, and in that moment, I think I would have actually been capable of going through with it. It was the wild in me that he had frozen, and it melted and burned now fiercer than ever, as if in an attempt to make up for lost time and not being able to help me when I needed it most. I finished my exam pretty quickly and I seriously considered waiting out in the hallway for him, but by that time I had cooled down and I decided more than anything I wanted to rest, I wanted a break from the anguish and the torment. So I went home instead.

I look back at all of this now, and even these things aren’t everything. They’re not all of the hands that have touched me without my consent, they’re not all of the men who have hurt me in indescribable ways, they’re not all of the men who sexually hurt me. But even when I think about other things, I feel that heat, that burning fire within the center of me that was always there in those instances, ready to set fire to any man who deserved it. Sometimes I let that wild, burning flame light me up, and other times I let it simply simmer down to an ember, or it was dormant and not even given the chance to light me up in time. I don’t know what to call whatever this thing is, but I can’t explain the gratitude and the relief knowing that it’s there, that it’s always been there and always will be. That I always have something within me that fiercely wants me to live and to be safe from harm from anyone. It’s such a nice, comforting realization, especially when there are still so many times where I’m alone or see a man near me and I get filled with this dread and fear that I may be hurt. And while of course it could still always happen again, I always imagine in this scenarios just getting hurt, it just happening and there being nothing I can do about it, or needing another man to step in and help. I know it’s a small consolation in a world where women are hurt so often, but I think I can feel somewhat safer now, remembering that this wild part of myself exists and will help me when I need it, and that I don’t have to fear so much. I can still be cautious but I don’t have to let the fear wash over me as often as it does. I will always be there to defend myself because this piece of me exists at all times. It means a lot to me to even remember that it’s there, even if I never have to use it again.

#personal

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doof-doofblog · 4 years ago

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"Ian Is The Reason Dennis Is Dead!"

Monday 7th September 2020

Good evening everyone and what an exciting night it is!!! EastEnders is back on our screens tonight! It's been a good few months since the soap has been on our screens. Tonight it's finally back, even though the time has been reduced from 30 minutes to 20 minutes, it doesn't matter! Our favourite characters will be back and the story-lines will be able to continue, so many answers will be given and so many secrets revealed!

But before we delve into the excitement of tonight's episode, i'm sure the majority of you have been made aware of the news regarding the beautiful Chantelle Atkins. For those of you who might've missed it somehow, EastEnders have announced that poor Chantelle will pass away due to domestic violence at the hands of her husband, Gray.

Since Chantelle and Gray appeared on the Square, they portrayed the perfect family! Two successful people working brilliant jobs, with two beautiful children and on the outside, it looked as if they lived a very happy life! But little do the Walford residents know that behind closed doors, poor Chantelle has been the target of domestic abuse from her husband. Taking beatings and beatings and suffering in silence. None of her close friends or family are aware of what is happening in their family home when no one else is around. Gray appears to have nasty temper on him, and he takes it out on his wife. EastEnders have announced the passing of Chantelle before the soap reappears on our screens due to the fact that the next few episodes will be quite harrowing, as viewers will see Chantelle attempt to escape and leave her husband. Jessica Plummer's last appearance as Chantelle will be on the 18th September. I believe both Jessica Plummer and Toby-Alexander Smith's performance as Chantelle and Gray have been phenomenal! It's a very sensitive issue to portray, but in all seriousness ... this does happen to people every single day, and unfortunately - due to the lock-down, some people are suffering in silence, being victims of domestic abuse and being attacked at their home day after day. I, for one will be devastated to see Chantelle be killed off, but I do feel it's a very important issue and it's fantastic of EastEnders to be raising awareness of such vicious acts of cruelty. What the big questions I want to ask now are, what will happen in the aftermath? Will Gray be found out? How will the Taylor family react to the passing of Chantelle? Will Gray go to deep lengths to hide the truth from his family and neighbours? I'm sure many fans were always hoping that Chantelle would find a way to speak up and ask for help or eventually escape Gray, but sadly in Chantelle's case, it will never be that way. I applaud the cast and story writers who took part in this story-line, it's a big subject and it's needs to be spoken about openly, more and more, and if anyone who views this story-line, who is currently in Chantelle's situation, hopefully they'll get the courage to speak out and/or seek help to escape. --- Now, shall we focus on tonight's episode? I don't know about you lot but I've been really looking forward to the day EastEnders came back on air! And it certainly came back with a bang!! Ahhh it felt so good to hear that theme tune again!! Brilliant!!

Awww and what a brilliant opening, Ian looking all smug and proud, putting the Queen Vic bust back on the counter. Quick question ... where the hell did he get that from?! I'm assuming it's something that could've been replaced, but me - being naive, honestly thought that the old Queen Vic bust which sank during the anniversary episodes, was one of a kind! Clearly - obviously not! Oh gosh ... look at all those photos of Ian and Sharon being landlords of the Vic! Makes a nice realistic touch, don't you guys think? Clearly, Ian has been making himself at home at the Vic during lock-down! Oooh it does look as if Ian and Dotty still have daggers for each other, Dotty's case has come up after Ian grassed her up to the police about selling some form of drugs at the club and they both appear to be going to court together. Dotty is NOT going to keep quiet for long, she will soon tell Sharon all about the secrets Ian has been hiding form her regarding her son, Dennis. Dotty must've been finding it so hard to watch Ian and Sharon together in the Vic, the secret must be eating her up to the core!

Is it just me, or is Chantelle looking very fragile? She's very shaky, nervous ... it looks as if while she's been in lock-down, she's had nothing but abuse from Gray. It looks as if she's looking to divorce her husband and get away as soon as she can! Watching this, knowing what is going to happen in a couple of episodes time, I'm already feeling worried and scared for her. She's made things perfectly clear that she wants to the divorce to be quick and easy. Gray will still be able to see his children and they'll be living near by. This is something that does worry me, will Gray find out about her wanting a divorce and lash out? She's been told that a divorce could be incredibly expensive. Is she going to be able to afford what she needs to be able to go ahead? I know I am asking all sorts of questions, but with this being the first episode back, there are so many things that could happen with each and every story! Plus it feels like it's been so long since we've seen these characters, it feels so good to have them back again! Will Chantelle be able to open up to Kheerat before it's too late! Suki has already informed him that Gray was the one who put him up to Trading Standards, could there be some kind of conversation to come between Chantelle and Kheerat where he'll confront her about Gray's behaviour, and could she finally be able to tell him how Gray actually treats her?! You can see the fear in Chantelle's eyes as she enters her house and Gray comes to approach her from the stairs, already questioning her where she has been. When he reached into her bag I was worried he was going to pull out some form of paperwork regarding a divorce, but instead he's putting a tracker on her phone, to keep an eye on her. Chantelle clearly isn't happy about this, but sadly, there's nothing she can say. Gray is controlling and is wanting to keep an eye on her every move, he's frustrated as he has been put on furlough from his job, so he has also been stuck in the house while his children have gone back to school and Chantelle working also. How is Chantelle going to be able to escape Gray now he's put a tracker on her phone? Gosh, I just want to hold her and tell her she can escape from this! She later approaches Kheerat, telling him he's the only one she can trust and asks him for the money for her divorce, even though she can't tell him what it's for. But of course she feels guilty for asking after finding out her husband was the one who called up Trading Standards on Kheerat's company. I really do think Chantelle will tell him something, if not everything, but something before she sadly passes away. Kheerat will do everything he can to get justice for Chantelle!

Oh Ballum!!!! Gosh I almost forgot about Ballum!!! Ha! Ben's hair has surely grown ... of course so had millions of other men's hair during lock-down! I love how happy they both appear to be able to see each other. Oh, is Ben going to ask Callum to move in?! IS THAT GOING TO BE A THING?! Haha is anyone feeling really proud of Callum? Is he now an official police officer? When he stopped that thief and stated "I'm a police officer! You're nicked!" I just felt a little sense of pride! God bless his little soul! Oh and look at him in his police gear!!! He looks SO good!!!!! I can't get over how manly he's become, I know that's a bit pathetic to say ... but we've seen him become a real man, come to terms with his sexuality and now he's followed his dreams and become a Police Officer, with the support of his boyfriend. Callum is eager to get his job done so he can go to the hospital with Ben, needless to say his colleagues aren't aware that he's gay, but in all honesty ... it's none of their business really. But I do have a feeling that eventually it will come to their attention, and as soon as they realise who Callum's partner is, his job could be at risk, even before it's started! Ooooh noooo, Callum is going to figure out what Ben did, while he is sat looking through the CCTV footage that he's been given, Ben slowly appears onto the screen. This would've been when he and Phil went after Danny and his money during this job that was meant to happen. How is Callum going to approach this with Ben? Am I right in thinking that Ben lied to him and told him he had nothing to do with it, but of course, the CCTV tells otherwise.

Ahhh okay, so Linda has revealed that Sharon has renamed her son "Albie" ... Honestly, I think I preferred Kayden, but each to their own! Awww both Mick and Linda are adjusting to their life out of the Queen Vic. It looks as if Mick has some kind of interview or something the way he has dressed smartly with his waistcoat. Linda has been working in the cafe as a cleaner from the looks of it, while Mick has been home-schooling Ollie. It's going to be so weird not seeing them behind the Queen Vic bar, but I'm sure we'll get used to them being out in the community in a much different way.

Sharon seems really happy where she is, she is back in her home to be honest! She grew up in the pub, it's only right that she brings up her child where she spent her childhood. It's only when she sees the Queen Vic pub, she stops in her tracks and goes silent. Has Ian made the right decision in ordering a second Queen Vic bust? Or is it something that is going to haunt Sharon, knowing it sank where her son lost his life? It's questionable.

Oh I am so happy to see Kat back!!! Is it going to be revealed why she left? We know Jessie Wallace was suspended, but what was the reason for Kat to depart the Square? Is this going to made known? Oh and soon as she spots Ruby and Martin together, she's doing what Kat does best and sticking up for her family! Are Ruby and Martin now an item? Have they decided to become official while during lockdown together? It's been revealed that Martin has had the time of his life living with Ruby, but also she has kept secret from him that she has been having money problems due to the club being closed. When Stacey returns, she is going to be such a shock when she learns about Ruby and Martin, I already am kind of feeling sorry for her.

When Ian and Dotty are back from the court, Ian is just slightly poking at Dotty more and more, saying that she should thank him for changing his statement, or even buy him a drink. You can see it's slowly eating her upside, how much she's desperate for him to have his comeuppance. She's made it clear now that she's not going to prison, what is to stop her from telling Sharon the truth now? What other threats could he throw at her? It's only when Sharon approaches in dismay asking whether any of Dennis's things had been returned from the police that Ian goes all scares. Ahh so, the Queen Vic bust is actually the original, from what I understand, it was recovered from the accident and sent back to the Vic where it belongs! (And there's me thinking it was a brand new one!) Later when Dotty is sat on Albert's bench, Bobby approaches her saying that she must be thankful for his Dad to help her out of the situation. But she makes a slight dig at Ian, saying that her father, Nick Cotton, was more like Mother Theresa compared to him! Which, Bobby can't seem to understand, he can't understand why Dotty enjoys slagging him off, but she makes a fair point that Nick never coward behind someone else and he always accepted who he was and took everyone else how they were. It's then she claims that she just like her father and is proud for what she stands for and believes in. She makes her way into the Vic just as Ian and Sharon are clearing the air about things being returned to the Vic, this is when the climax comes, what viewers have been waiting for for months! Ian getting his comeuppance and Sharon finding out the truth about how her boy died. Dotty goes on to say that people deserve to know the truth about how their loved ones die, Ian trying to worm his way out of the conversation, maybe trying to change the conversation and say it's not right to upset Sharon ... then she comes out with it, "He's the reason Dennis died! He locked him in the cabin on the boat and that's why he drowned!"

Ian's eyes look frantic from Dotty to Sharon, Sharon face in absolute disbelief that he dearest friend could've done something so cruel to her and not said anything, kept the absolute worst secret from her. Dotty's words ringing in her ears. Is Ian going to worm his way out of it and claim Dotty doesn't know what she's talking about? Or is Sharon going to demand answers from Ian! What an absolute brilliant ending to first episode back on air! It's true tomorrow's episode is going to be just as gripping! What was your opinion on tonight's episode? I personally thought it was brilliant! So many things happening and I can't wait to see them all unravel. I am so glad to be back posting as well, I know it's been a long time and I know I've only done one post a week - if that - but I hope you'll all enjoy my blog now EastEnders is back and better than ever! I'll be back either tomorrow or Wednesday following up tomorrow's episode. Goodnight everyone and enjoy the rest of your night xXx

#eastenders #chantelleatkins #grayatkins #sharonwatts #ianbeale #dottycotton #benmitchell #callumhighway #ballum #martinfowler #rubyallen #katslater #kheerat panesar

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abalovesfic · 5 years ago

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The Demon, The Exorcist, and the Memory Chapter 1

We all do stupid things. And sometimes that stupid thing is posting an entire 47k fic at once... which then actually lowers people’s ability to see it because you aren’t posting on a schedule. A lot of my readership comes from Tumblr and I really, really need it. So why can’t I cross post already completed chapters? Leave your comments, hits, and blood offerings at AO3. Help me fix the mistakes I made against my baby! @transcendence-au ---------- Dipper looked into the cup of hot chocolate, his reflection cast back into the dark brown slurry. He looked the same as always, gold irises piercing back at him. Same sharp teeth and dramatic wings. Even after all these years, he never truly managed to change. “So what exactly do you do on your 5013th birthday? I think I’m a little too old for parties,” he said.

“Don’t be silly.” She grabbed a handful of marshmallows and forced them down into her cup, followed by three candy canes and a thick pulse of fluffy whipped cream. “You’re never too old for cake and presents. Don’t you have friends to hang out with?”

“Yes, but I’ve never told them when my birthday was. Sorta ruins the whole immortal demon thing I’ve got going on,” he muttered, tapping his claws against the side of the mug. “The only person who I’d even tell is Mizar.”

She chugged some of the hot chocolate, pulling the cup away to reveal a chocolatey brown mustache over her upper lip. “You should tell her. I think she’d like to celebrate with you: this is the big 5-0-1-3.”

Dipper laughed at her, just for a moment, watching as she tried to lick the chocolate away. “I’ve only found Fang a few weeks ago. We’re still adjusting to each other, you know? Fang and I haven’t really clicked yet. She’s been… difficult.”

Grabbing a napkin from the table, she rubbed the chocolate from her face. “Well it sounds like this could be a bonding moment for you and Fang.” She paused and chewed on a strand of her dark hair in thought. “I know it’s not easy going through this every few hundred years… but she is Mizar. A lot of things change between incarnations, but your connection doesn’t. So go grab a couple cupcakes and go visit her. I promise, she’ll see right through that scary demon exterior to your soft squishy core.” Reaching over, she bopped him on the nose with one finger.

Knocking her hand away, he laughed. “Cut it out.”

“Nope.” She bopped her finger against his nose again.

Dipper’s grin faded just as quickly as it arrived. Something sorrowful creeped over him. “And what would you want to do, for the big 5-0-1-3? After all,” he looked at her, the soft curls of her dark hair caressing her face, how her eyes looked so bright and awestruck. “It is your birthday too, Mabel.”

Mabel’s smile changed. What was once joyous turned to a thoughtful and sad glaze across her face. “Oh, Dipper.” Mabel wrapped one hand around his. Everything about her was intense, down to the texture of her fingerprints. He could smell the combination of perfume and hot glue on her skin, count the stands in her wool sweater, see every freckle on her nose. “I’m not really Mabel, I’m just a representation of her.”

“I know,” his voice broke, on the verge of a grief filled rage. “You don’t have to remind me every single time. At least pretend or something.”

His memory of her was perfect, concocted of every thought, every word ever spoken by or about her. The most precise image of his sister he could muster. She appeared in her late 20’s, soft bags under her eyes from the exhaustion of raising triplets, but also vibrant and full of life. Every time he came to see her, she wore a new sweater every time he saw her, generated from one of his memories. This one happened to be her pink birthday sweater, the one she initially planned to wear for their 13th birthday 5,000 years ago.

After a while it had gotten too hard. He had Mizar. Every moment with each incarnation was a new adventure. But it didn’t change the fact that there was only one Mizar he wanted to talk to. Only one Mizar who knew him for who he truly was. But the only place she still existed was in his own mind. And, after all, he controlled the mindscape. So who was to say he couldn’t rebuild her from his own memories?

Mabel slipped her hand up to his cheek and tried to force his gaze on to hers. “I know you don’t want to celebrate because you miss her. But she would want you to. I want you to.”

“But I want y̸̛͖̤̲̟o̶͛͐ͅu̸̡̝̪͕͂͗̂͠ ,” Dipper said, unaware of the snarl carving in his voice. “Don’t you get it? I’m so tired of going through this over and over again. I want m̷̱̑ͅy̷̝̤̥͕̐͛ ̷͉͖̞̕s̷̭̓̓ḯ̷̘̘̲̾̍s̷̖͑t̸̛͔͈̰̔͜ȩ̶̭͚͔̀̓̍̚r̷̡͚̜̪͒̋͝.̷͍̞̝̓̀͜.”

“Hey, snap out of it. Listen to me for a moment.” She had that big goofy grin he adored. “If Mabel had stayed with you all these years, you would have missed so much. Belle, Maddie, Marcia, Lane: all of my incarnations have loved you so much and you loved them. The universe is like a big sweater, sometimes you have to get a new ball of yarn. And now you have Fang as your new ball of yarn!”

He sighed, “Fang is a little scared of me, I think.” He shook his head, “Actually, I know she is. She doesn’t trust me yet.”

“Duh I’m Dipper,” Mabel did her best mocking interpretation. “I’m socially awkward and emotionally isolated. I have a hard time making connections with people and I use being a demon as an excuse.”

“I do not!” he retorted.

“Do too!” She stuck her tongue out at him. “Bro, you have to show her who you are. Being Alcor the Dreambender isn’t gonna cut it. You have to show her Dipper, the dorky nerd who plays card games and reads the same book 5 times just to make sure he picked up on all the details. She’ll be scared if all you let her see are the dark and violent parts of what’s happened to you.”

He stared back down at his reflection in the hot chocolate, haunting, dark, and eternal. “I’m starting to forget who Dipper is. It’s been so long.”

“Then let me remind you. Dipper Pines is the most loving person in the world. He’d do anything for the people he loves, including follow their soul around for eternity. He’s been a little broken down over the years, but it’s never stopped him from trying. I know this is hard. But you’ve never given up before. Don’t start now.”

His smile was faint, “Thanks, Mabes. You always know what to say.”

Leaning back, she crossed her arms and gave him a smug grin. “Yup. I’m a genius. Now go have a birthday party with Fang. Let her know that this is a special occasion and you want to share it with her .”

“I will.” Standing up, he gave her a kiss on the cheek and turned to leave.

“Wait!” She cried. He turned around. She pointed at his still full cup of hot chocolate. “Are you gonna drink that?”

“It’s all yours,” he chuckled and walked out of the Mindscape.

------

Fang sat on her bed, her usual clambering and shrieking emo/punk music vibrating through her bedroom. The array of all black clothing consumed her. The sleeves were torn away from her shirt leaving nothing but fringe and the muscled curve of her arms. She had her hair pulled into the signature, stumpy pigtails atop her head. She wasn’t paying attention, as usual, chewing on a piece of bubble gum and staring into her MagiOrb. The image appeared backwards through the holoscreen, though he could tell she was looking at a news article about the unfortunate dismembering of a child-sacrificing cult this morning, having been found with their organs separated from their bodies. Fang was nosey, that was for sure. Dipper sucked in a breath, trying to push down his nerves. He positioned himself at the back of the bedroom and rapped his knuckles against the wall 3 times to get her attention.

At first she was startled, obviously she was. He had surprised her and she was still getting used to him. Not just the way he looked or the faint terror that radiated from him, but the fact that he had become tangible. No longer a myth or a legend, but someone real.

“Oh uhm… hey?” she said, unsure what to make of his unannounced presence. Scrambling, she turned off the MagiOrb and tucked it beneath her pillow, as if to hide what she was looking at.

“Sorry, I know it’s not one of our pre-planned meeting times, but I wanted to see you today,” he said, still standing awkwardly at the back of the room. Unlike past Mizars, he had agreed not to blip in and out of her life at random. They made a schedule of days and times she was willing to meet with him, all of those meetings lasting no more than an hour, and she could send him away without question. He had also agreed not to approach her without permission. So he stood off in the far corner of the room waiting for her to motion him closer.

Fang gave him a confused but cautious glance. “Is everything alright?”

“Everything is fine. It’s all good. Today is just kind of an important day for me and I wanted to spend it with you.”

Her shoulders hunched forward with curiosity. “What’s today?”

“It’s sort of my 5,013th birthday.” He gave a mild smile and nervous jazz hands, confetti spurting from his fingers and then disappearing.

“Oh.” She blinked her dark eyes a few times, lashes thick with clumpy mascara. “I guess I hadn’t considered that you would even have a birthday. Let alone that you would celebrate it every year.” She pressed her lips together, sitting in an uncomfortable thought.

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I realize I just sort of popped in here and dropped this birthday thing on you. That’s weird. Like you said, demons don’t really have birthdays.”

“It’s okay,” she replied, a genuine sympathy curling into her voice. “No it's okay. I wish I had known, I would have gotten you a present or something. Now I feel bad.”

“Don’t. Really, it’s okay.”

He watched her inch closer, shuffling herself across the bed, wrinkling the blankets as she moved. “What sort of things do you like anyway? Beyond murder and eating souls?”

“Very funny,” he replied, a sarcastic spit to his tone. “But seriously, I do enjoy things outside of eating the occasional soul.” But then he softened for a moment to think about it. Mabel had told him to show Fang who he really was. He supposed this would be the way to do it. “For example: I like the top 40’s pop hits. And I love role playing games; the ones from the old days when you had dice and graph paper. I like the smell of pine trees, the real thing, not candles. Oh and candy; the good kind, not that loser stuff.”

“What are you,12?” A slight snort of laughter erupted from her.

“I’m 5,013 ,” he said and stuck his forked tongue out at her. This was the first time he had ever seen her laugh. After two months of scheduled meetings, trying to force just a little bit of conversation out of her, he finally got Fang to laugh.

“It’s just so weird,” she said, the laugh slowing in her voice. “I thought you were gonna say warfare or videos of people falling down the stairs. Maybe professional wrestling. Something a little more chaotic.”

He shrugged. “I don’t like any of those things. Okay, well, videos of people falling down the stairs are pretty funny but not in, like, a malicious way.”

Fang looked over at him, standing in the yellow lamplight in the back of the room. A pink hue flushed his cheeks. She reached out to pat the bed beside her, inviting him closer. He did so, not quite sitting on the bed but barely hovering over it and folding his wings up against his back. She still went rigid when he got close, but she held her ground.

“What about you?” he asked, leaning forward with his elbows pressed against his knees and chin resting on both hands. “What do you like?”

“Oh,” she blinked a few times, clumpy lashes sticking together. “I thought you would have rooted through my brain for that information.”

“I’m trying out this new thing called privacy. I hear humans like it.” She contorted her mouth in confusion and disgust. “I’m kidding,” he replied. “I know what privacy is. Despite what you may believe, I do have a sense of right and wrong.”

“I can’t help what I believe,” she replied. The silence hung between them as if sentenced to death on the gallows. And even though her music raged on with angry synth-drums and screaming lyrics, nothing could cover up the quiet between them. Fang sucked in a breath, looking away from him as if disinterested. “I like bubble gum, punk bands that say ‘fuck’, horror movies that are so bad they’re good, dunking all my foods in hot sauce, and…” she thought a moment, “killing demons.”

He must’ve turned a stark white. “Seriously? Well, that’s...”

She smiled, a subtle curve at the corner of her mouth. “I’m kidding. I can make jokes too. I mean, killing demons is fun, but I wouldn’t call it a hobby.” Her glance was sly and wry, a slip of her true personality slipping through her exterior.

“Are, uhm, you still going to exorcist training?” he asked.

He could see the pieces of her history strewn about the room, as if she left everything out in the open on purpose. Old demonology textbooks were stacked on the corner of her desk (you could tell they were old because books stopped going into print 2,000 years ago), a protection sigil hung over the door, all of her awards and medals for exorcism-training were displayed proudly in the same manner that other teenagers might display martial arts or science fair ribbons. There was a faint and lingering smell of burnt aromatics used to protect the home. Everything about Fang had been shaped and cultured to distrust him.

It was one of the universe’s sick jokes. First, to take Mizar away, keep her hidden from his sight for so long, and then to turn her against him.

The way Fang looked at him always seemed to be accompanied by a threat, as if she were counting the ways she could bring him down. “I am.” She said it so plainly, as if she meant to insult him with the mundanity of it. “Dropping out would be suspicious. I’ve been training since the day I turned 12, to stop so suddenly would raise concern in the community. I have to pretend like nothing has changed until I turn 18 and I can take my test to become a full exorcist. And besides,” she said. “I think I need it now more than ever.”

He perked up. “Does that mean you’ve given the whole Alcor and Mizar thing more thought?”

“I haven’t,” Fang replied, a cold snap to her voice. Dipper then realized she wasn’t talking about fighting demons with him, she was talking about fighting him. She was still worried he might betray her. “I just don’t understand this Mizar thing right now. I need more time to…”

“Adjust?”

“Yeah.”

“I understand.” His cheek puckered where he bit down on the inside of it.

Fang leaned back, using the palms of her hands to press against the bed and stretch out her back. “So,” she said, eager to keep talking in order to ignore the absurdity of her situation. “What did you want to do? Considering it’s your birthday and all.”

“Oh.” Dipper hadn’t expected to get this far. He thought Fang would have asked him to leave by that point. “I don’t know. It’s honestly been a really long time since I’ve celebrated with anyone. How do you typically celebrate?”

“I uhm,” Fang rested her cheek on her hand. “I don’t celebrate. My parents are usually too busy; not to mention they’re pretty terrible gift-givers. They always get me something related to exorcism. Seriously, for my 5th birthday they got me a copy of My First Demonic Dictionary . It had all sorts of fun words for kids like ‘circle’, ‘fire’, and ‘human sacrifice’. And three years ago, I said I wanted some new music downloads. So they got me 3 albums of Latin chanting.” Dipper chuckled a little at that, though Fang didn’t appreciate him mockering her misery. She punched him in the shoulder. It didn’t hurt. “Cut it out. It’s not funny!”

“Sorry, that's just a terrible present. Latin chanting is the worst . I’m more of a classics guy myself; like BABBA.” He cleared his throat, it was a terrible nervous habit, considering he didn’t have a throat nor did he have something to clear out of it. “So really, you just spend your birthday alone? No friends or anything?”

“No, I’ve never been good at making or keeping friends.” She sighed and leaned backwards so that her shoulder blades touched the back wall by her bed. “I guess that’s one thing we have in common. We’re both good at being alone. Huh?” There was a slight arc in her lips, a certain kind of look in her black makeup-rimmed eyes. Fang had the face of a silent film star; someone who had perfect control over their expressions. There was something coy in her face, like she had left a snare for him to walk into. She had him all figured out.

“What makes you think I’m alone?” he replied.

“Because you’re spending your birthday with someone you barely know. That sounds pretty lonely to me.”

He laughed to himself, a sharp-toothed smile spreading across his face. “You’re very astute, Fang.” Then his smile faded into something more soft and contemplative. “But we aren’t alone right now. And all I’d really like for my birthday is for us to try to be friends.”

He could tell by the pucker in her bottom lip that she was thinking. Letting out a breath through her nose, the tips of her bangs ruffled. “I guess I can try.” The deep brown of her irises looked nearly black as her dark gaze settled on his.

For the first time, the smile she gave him was friendly and the tide of her breathing became relaxed. Maybe things were finally starting to change.

#transcendence au

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tonystarkbingo · 4 years ago

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Tony Stark Bingo Prompt Meme

So, we did another Prompt Meme game, and came up with these summaries based on a three-tag prompt. This is an open prompt, if any of these summaries look like fun to you, please feel free to write them!! Tag us or the writer of the prompt when you do so we can all see how cool you are and what you’ve given us for the promot

@summerpipedream - Winteriron - All Tony wanted to do after finishing up at MIT was to pack up his desk at Stark Industries and quietly fade into obscurity. Sure money was tight, but he never expected Jan to actually sign him up for one of those social media reality shows. Now, he was stuck in a house, with no phone, no internet, or access to the outside world, trying to avoid the sexy Bucky Barnes, who's mission in life seemed to be to never wear a shirt around him.

@darthbloodorange - The world is ending, an alien race has all but taken over the world, it is an apocalypse of devastating proportions, most of the world is dead. The Avengers, those who are left, have retreated to a bunker built a fourth of the way down into the Earth’s core. Tony and Steve have been growing closer, when they are not working together to find a way to fight back against the aliens, they are fuck buddies. Tony’s a genius, he knows the odd of surviving this are not in their favour. Odds were that they were going to die… and well, Tony doesn’t want to die without letting Steve know how he feels. Before the battle Tony corners Steve in the armoury and confesses that he loves him. Steve is aromatic, has been since project rebirth. They are both so very sorry.

@newnewyorker93 - After a series of strange killings where the victims are found set up kneeling like they're praying, Tony Stark (a private detective) is on the case. An initial (false) suspect is the local priest, Matt Murdoch, who ends up being a helpful ally in solving the case (and possibly more)

@27dragons - Winteriron: You'd think that Tony Stark would have learned to ski when he was growing up. You'd think wrong; Howard never saw the point in it. So here he is, almost done with his PhD, and his friends have decided on a spring break trip to go skiing. He doesn't want to admit to them that he doesn't know how, so their first night at the lodge, he offers one of the ski instructors a large sum of money to sneak him up onto the slopes for a few lessons that night. Against his better judgment -- but desperately needing the cash -- Ski instructor Bucky Barnes takes Tony up on the slopes. Unfortunately, just as Tony's starting to get the hang of things, it starts snowing. Hard. Even more unfortunately, the newfallen snow disguises a patch of ice and Tony tumbles out of control. By the time Bucky catches up to him and verifies that he's not badly hurt, the snow is coming down too hard to see the lodge -- so what else are they to do but seek shelter in a caretaker's cabin conveniently (TM) nearby and wait for morning...?

@gavilansblog - Tony is kidnapped as part of an Evil Plot (TM). He's handling things just fine, tyvm, until his would-be rescuer (who he's been pining for, obviously), gets dragged in and handcuffed back to back with him. Seriously, dude? If you insist on breaking the kidnapping procedure at least actually rescue me! The taxes come in when the Evil Plot Master does his monologue and reveals that the kidnapping is part of a Villain Logic scheme to get Stark Industries to throw money behind the campaign to get a new law requiring actually taxing billionaires to fail. Evil Plot Master is, naturally, a billionaire. Tony would facepalm if he weren't handcuffed to his idiot rescuer, seriously. And then the kidnapping protocol kicks in and Jarvis shuts the whole facility down only instead of being handcuffed by himself Tony is now handcuffed to his rescuer so they have to do the whole escaping part of the plan while handcuffed together, resulting is the standard Tension (TM) moments and possibly an almost-kiss.

Fey Relay - Bruce, Tony, and Peter, resident science geeks, get de-aged and really want to play in the lab. You know, the one that has lots of things that can kill them in it? But they're still sort of mentally in there, just cranky and smol. So they get assigned their own Non-Science Adults who they hand-hold and point to do their sciency bidding. Thor, Steve, and Natasha oblige them and have great fun!

@rise-up-ting-ting-like-glitter Dragons were real. Okay they were actually just souped-up dinosaurs, but that didn’t mean Tony wasn’t being hunted—with intent—by lizards. He hadn’t wanted to come to this stupid Island in the first place. SI funding had explicitly been removed from the crackpot idea to return dinosaurs to the food chain. He could have told everyone that this was going to happen. Instead he was climbing through a jungle with a one-armed man who refused to give his name and if they didn’t get to the raptor enclave, retrieve the anti-venom, and return in time, people Tony loved were going to die.

His guide had better live up to his scruffy wild-man appearance or Tony was going to lose everything.

@somesortofitalianroast - Nurse Bucky Barnes wasn’t sure what exactly was going on. The vigilante known as Nomad had just crashed through the (luckily) open fire escape window. While he was lucky not to have any broken bones, he was unlucky enough to have a bad concussion. A really bad one. One that meant he couldn’t fall asleep. Also unfortunately, he only had the one bed and the enormous Nomad wouldn’t fit on his couch, so they’d have to share. It was only after he helped Nomad into his bed that he noticed the blood, and, unthinking, he pulled the cowl off to check for another, serious injury. And gasped. Nomad was Steve Rogers, his best friend in school, who’d died in an IED attack in Iraq 5 years earlier.

@polizwrites Natasha Romanov and Virginia Potts are the proprietors of Chaykus - a Russian tea room on the seedy side of town. Its new mission is to be a sanctuary for women who have been smuggled into the country for sex trafficking purposes. As for the men who engage in such practices? Well, they are quickly discovering that their days are numbered.

@dixiehellcat - Pepper is the manager of the heavy metal band War Machine. James Rhodes, lead guitarist and founder of the band, is looking for a new lead singer. He did not expect the woo-loving Virginia to get horoscopes cast for the applicants and decide based on that. He just wants somebody who can sing, dammit. This Stark kid is uncomfortably attractive, yeah, but he's been thrown out of two bands already. what? the shower sex? it was only that one time after a show, and they were both wasted...

@dracusfyre Tony was born without a soul mark. Bucky's was lost forever when Hydra took his arm. Without the universe to give you a hint that this person is The One, falling in love is gambling with your heart. But soulmates don't have to be born, they can be made - and Bucky and Tony decide that the same should be true of soul marks, as well

@ceealaina Tony was like nerd prime growing up. Normally he doesn’t let it bother him too much — he’s got inventions to invent, after all. But all of a sudden he realizes that he’s almost 20, he’s got two degrees under his belt, and has no idea how to do much more than kiss. He’s not entirely sure how he manages to convince Rhodey to sleep with him to “get it out of the way,” or how he manages to convince him to keep sleeping with him to “help improve my technique,” but it’s the best sex of his life (not that he has much to compare it to) and he never wants it to end. But it’s the night when they’re watching movies, and Tony’s ends up dozing against Rhodey’s shoulder only to wake up to a feather light kiss against his forehead that he realizes he might be in trouble.

@thudworm - King Anthony considers it part of his royal duties to protect his people by going out and taking care of any monsters harassing them. Of course, no one can know that the knight Iron Man is really the king, which leads to some fun assumptions about Iron Man’s identity.

@jacarandabanyan Tony’s mom forbid him to purposefully drive out his roommates so that he can have a room all to himself where he can tinker until morning light. She had to hear about it from friends, acquaintances, and other well-known socialites often enough when Tony went to boarding school and ran his roommates off there. Now that he’s in college, that behavior must stop. Luckily for Tony, he doesn’t even have to try to get the first two roommates at MIT to request a room switch. But then he meets his third roommate- a tall, handsome, funny man named James Rhodes. At first it was just natural joy at having a fellow competent engineer to hang out with, and perhaps the occasional dirty thought. But his crush on the man quickly grows. Before he knows it, Tony’s pining hard for his best friend. Every once in a while he thinks Rhodey might be interested too- but then he hears Rhodey lecturing a computer science senior for plying Tony with :beer: alcohol at a party because “come on, man, kid’s only 16. Have a little class and try chasing skirts a little closer to your age.” After that, he’s convinced Rhodey will only ever see him as a friend and a kid.

psychiccatpanda - Tony works hard and puts in long hours. So what if some of his long nights turn into very early mornings at CHew 2 OH. The only drawback is his business partner and head baker, Steve, with his disappointed looks and his continual arguing. When Steve's friend Bucky starts hanging around the shop, though, Tony notices. Oh lord, he notices. A month or so later, one night when he and Steve are working after hours at Steve's place to plan their seasonal menu, Steve tells him that he's noticed him checking out Bucky. Tony hits him with a decorative pillow and things kind of get out of hand. Surveying the damage (let's face it - Steve's coffee table was never going to be quite right again), Steve turns to him, "I was just going to suggest you get some practice kissing before asking him out." Oh. Oh...

@tisfan So... the problem with being a necromancer is being able to practice one's skill. The local cemeteries won't even let you look at a dead body if you're not a relative. Tony Stark, budding necromancer, forges a marriage certificate for the John Doe so that he can practice his craft. Only to find that it works perfectly. Bucky is No Longer Dead, and 100% interested in staying married...

@abrighterdarkness He didn’t mean to snoop. He knew that wasn’t what he was being paid for here--the loud laughter of the party echoing from down the hall where he was actually supposed to be, was clear enough reminder of that fact. All Tony wanted was two short minutes to breathe without being pawed at--yes, yes, that might be his job but breathing room was much appreciated just the same--and now he was stuck in this closet sized bathroom with what sounded like a mob-hit being discuss right outside the door. He knew he should’ve turned this job down.

magica - Howard Stark had an idea. Some people - alright, most people, stop hitting me, Maria! - would say it was a terrible idea. But it was only a little injection of stuff based on that strange glowing blue cube they'd found in the Arctic. And Tony was absolutely willing, let's get that straight, Maria! How was Howard supposed to know that it'd enable Tony to open up his own portals? And if some mystical green energy happened to swamp Tony just as he was opening a portal to Egypt? Well, that wasn't his fault. The dark-haired, well-built Priest of Anubis that Tony manages to bring back with him? That is not his fault either, damn it, Maria!

@festiveferret - Tony could say with absolute confidence - at least, if he could say anything at all in his current predicament - that this was not the way his PR rep, Pepper, would have wanted him to come out. There were, he figured, several hundred ways that the day could have gone better, but if asked to rank the top three, he'd put them thusly:

1) That he decided to come out by having a wild, unabashed make out session with none other than Captain America, in the middle of a busy New York street.

2) That it was, in fact, the morning after their first "date" - a term he was applying loosely here - and not a tasteful reveal of a long-standing, safe, secure, adult relationship.

And 3) That at some point between the first floor lobby of his apartment building and the front door off his penthouse suite he'd suddenly, unexpectedly, and so-far permanently been turned into a ferret and no one knew.

It would also probably concern her to discover that of all these rather bewildering turns in his life, the one at the forefront of his mind was that ferrets couldn't send morning-after texts, and he didn't want Steve to think their little dalliance had been nothing more than an - albeit unfortunately public - one night stand.

Of one thing he was sure, however: Pepper was going to need a raise.

#tonystarkbingo2020 #bingo party #prompt meme

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