#but sarah has all this stuff to say and she won't be quiet

[cowgurrrl]

Ok maybe I love angst???? I know you wrote readers perspective during break up but what about Joel’s perspective seeing pap pics or posts from crew, knowing Sarah and Ellie still chat with reader?

Sick and FUCKING TWISSSTTTEEEDDDD

but yes 😈

Night Shift

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Summary: “Some days, I want to spit me out, the whole mess of me, but mostly I am good

and quiet.” - Camille Rankine, “Emergency Management” [1.3k]

Warnings: angst, Joel being the best dad, I think that’s it??

The first thing he said to the girls when he told them about the breakup was, "But if you still want to have a relationship with her, that's totally up to you. I know you guys both really liked her." And it was true. After years of being more or less a single dad, he wasn't about to pry the first woman he'd introduced to them from their hands. He reasoned that they were old enough to make their own decisions regarding their relationships. Who was he to take that away? He just wasn't expecting it to hurt as much as it did.

When Sarah got into UCLA, he took the girls to a fancy dinner downtown. He's always been one to shower his daughters in love and adoration, especially when one of them hits a huge milestone and especially now that he has the resources to do so. The night was filled with laughter, wistful ideas about the future, and a few tears on Joel's part. He put his own schooling on hold to raise Sarah, and now, to see her accomplish something he never did, it's warranted for him to be a little emotional. 

Those emotions are still fresh when he wakes up to Sarah sitting at the kitchen table, a beautiful flower vase on the counter. He walks over to where she's sitting and kisses her head before asking who the flowers are from. He expects them to be from his parents or even Tommy and Maria to celebrate the good news, but when Sarah says your name, everything in him freezes. 

"I texted her when I found out because she helped me with applications and stuff. I didn't know she was gonna send anything." She says sheepishly, but Joel composes himself and shakes his head.

"That's perfectly fine, baby. It was nice of her to send you something pretty." He recovers, and she smiles as she walks over to the vase and plucks a note between the petals. 

"She sent a nice note, too. D'you wanna read it?" She asks. He rocks back on his heels, glancing between the flowers and the soft smile on his daughter's face. She wouldn't offer if she didn't want him to read it. He nods weakly, and she hands him the tiny notecard, rereading it over his shoulder.

For SBM,

Congratulations on getting into UCLA! I'm proud of you every day but especially today. You're going to do amazing things, kid, and I can't wait to see what they are.

Love you

Then, under the heartfelt note are your initials. Joel stares at them like it's enough to fix the past and bring you back to California. Sarah notices and wraps her arms around him, squeezing him tightly. He takes a deep breath and kisses her temple.

"That was very nice, honey. D'you text her to say thank you?"

"Yeah, but she's ahead by a few hours, so she probably won't see it for a while," she mumbles. "Have you talked to her since she left?" He thinks about lying to soften the blow for her as all good parents do, but she'd see right through that.

"Don't think she'd wanna hear from me."

"That's not true." 

"She's workin'. I'm pretty sure the last thing she wants right now is to hear from her ex."

"How do you know?" She challenges, and he gives her a look.

"What?"

"How do you know the last thing she wants is to hear from you? What if she's waiting for you to make the first move?"

"Sarah." He says, shaking his head. 

"I'm just saying you never know until you try! You, obviously, cared about each other. That doesn't just go away overnight." She says, throwing her arms up in defeat.

"It's not that simple."

"Because you still love her."

"Because I fucked up," he says. He makes it a point not to curse in front of the girls very often, but they can always tell when he's upset because it slips out. Old habits die hard, right? Sarah stands there, staring at her dad, as he thinks. "I hurt her, and when you hurt someone, you don't get to decide when things are okay again. I hurt her, and she did what she had to, and I have to respect that."

"You could tell her Angela disappeared again. Maybe that'd make it better?" She suggests, and Joel's heart breaks all over again. Sarah put a lot of faith in Angela this time. They all did. He thought she had turned a corner, and she had, but that didn't mean she was ready to step up for his daughter. She said as much in her letter. I'm sorry. I can't do this. I'll only hurt Sarah. Tell her I love her, but I can't be the mother she needs. I don't know that I ever will be. Just like that, he was left to pick up the pieces again. 

He reaches for her and pulls her into a tight hug. She rests her head on his chest, and he rubs her back. They stay like that for a long time, tears falling from both. He tells her it's not her fault. Angela is sick, and she has been for a long time. It's not an excuse, but it's a reason. He tells her he wishes she could be better for her, that she deserves a mother whose presence doesn't bring pain. He tells her he loves her and he's always here for her. He wishes so deeply that he could take this pain away from her and erase any bad memories of her mother. In a perfect world, maybe they could co-parent or, at least, see each other at family events every couple of years. But this is not a perfect world, and they both know it. So, like always, Joel holds his baby girl and tries to make things okay for her. 

"I love you, Dad," Sarah whispers after a long silence. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For always trying." She says. The words rattle in Joel's skull, and he immediately tears up again. He clears his throat and kisses her head again to hide the tears.

"I love you, kiddo. With everything I am." He says. When she looks up at him, he wipes his tears and claps his hands together.

"Alright, no more bein' sad. What does the college girl want for breakfast?" He asks, opening the pantry to search for something to make. He smiles as he reaches up on the top shelf and pulls down a box. "Pancakes?" Sarah's face doesn't change, and he raises his eyebrows at her. "C'mon, when you were a little girl, these were all you wanted to eat. Used to ask for 'em for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Pretty sure Abuela Lucy thought I didn't know how to make anythin' else." He teases, floating the box in front of her face mischievously. "You know you want 'em. I can see it in your eyes."

"Alright, fine, but we're coming back to your love life later." She finally smiles.

"Whatever you want, pumpkin."

Ellie wakes up to the smell of pancakes and the sound of their laughter, completely in the dark about their earlier conversation. With his girls, Joel makes pancakes and listens to them bicker and make plans for the day. Maybe, in another universe, you'd be there with him, enjoying the sunshine and flour-stained countertops. In another universe, Joel doesn't have to apologize to his daughter on behalf of a mother who doesn't care. In another universe, you're a weird, blended family who isn't perfect, but goddammit, do you try your best to be good for each other. The bittersweet thought rings in Joel's ears, and he has to shrug it away.

It's okay, he thinks. It's nice to still have dreams, right?

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

HI AGAIN!!!! IT'S HEADCANON TIME YAYYYY 🥳

okay so because it was mentioned in your latest fic (and also kinda in We bleed together) I've decided to talk about Ellie/Sarah's reaction to you and Joel expecting a child.

Now I'm going to write one general headcanon with Ellie but it could work for both (with slight differences but really not enough to make two different parts) and it's easier for me to just have one name and to juggle with both lol

So!!! I think Ellie would be shocked at first but still really happy. It does feel nice to her that she'll have a tiny human she can call brother/sister and it feels...normal, you know? Normal, family stuff.
She's very curious and asks you loads of questions about how you feel, how big is the baby, etc...
She loves seeing Joel all weird out around you, even in the beginning of your pregnancy he's constantly making sure you're not wearing yourself out (he gets a bit overdramatic but it's just love, okay?) and he turns into mush, really and Ellie keeps making fun of him because "where did old grumpy Joel go??!!?!!?!?!?" 
Also when you're far enough in your pregnancy, Ellie adores your little belly, she loves putting her hands and trying to feel the baby's kicks, she loves chatting with them, even reading children stories or telling them about the newest school project she has
It's truly an endearing sight, both for you and Joel to see Ellie so happy to feel like a big sister and really, fully integrated in your little family.
But then...then the worry starts. She realizes that soon, a tiny half you/half Joel will be here and obviously you'll love that baby unconditionally because they're yours. Yeah, they're yours, you made them and carrying them and you have a bond that's unbreakable.
So what about her?
She never doubted your love for her but with this new baby coming...does it mean she'll be less of your child? Because obviously, the child would become a priority as they're actually your and Joel's kid and not some random child they found. And she starts worrying.
She's so attached to both you, she can't lose you. She already lost everyone around her and after coming to Jackson, you've finally managed to settle some sort of stability and family routine and now it's all going to change.
Ellie becomes quieter and quieter, she distances herself. It's her own little coping mechanism, trying to get away so that when you end up distancing from her, It won't hurt as much. She loses that little spark of hers, asks less questions about the baby and whenever they're mentioned she either doesn't say anything or straight up ignores the topic, leaving the room.
Obviously, you and Joel realize something's up with her. At first you think something happened to her at school or someone's bothering her. Joel tries to talk to her when they're both together, shows he's here and you do the same but still, she withdraws into herself and doesn't seem to want to talk to either of you
You get seriously worried. Who's hurting your baby girl to that point? And when you're starting to think about the nursery, you notice how she stays away, leaves the house when you're decorating, stuff like that. You quickly put two and two together and realize that she's somehow uncomfortable with the arrival of the baby.
She's kinda having that first-child syndrome and although you didn't expect it, it's here and you have to deal with it. Joel's the first one to attempt an approach, taking her on a hike, just him and her. She's quiet at first but soon, the old Ellie resurfaces and she lights up when he mentions missing her puns. He eases her in, goes back to a more... well-known ground for the two of them and then subtly mentions the baby. Ellie shuts up like a clam. 
But Joel doesn't give up. He keeps digging slowly and then mentions how he felt when his mama told him about Tommy. Ellie relate to his words, she feels exactly the same way. And that makes her feel more comfortable. "It's okay, Joel knows how I feel so I can confide into him" kind of. 
She struggles a bit with voicing her emotions but it's alright, her and Joel seem to speak their own little language anyway. She admits being scared that the arrival of a baby—your baby— will make her less your kid because in comparison, well...she isn't really your child. She's kind of possessive as well, you know? But really out of fear of losing you, losing the bond you have as soon as the baby's born. And Joel listens, he doesn't judge, he just lets her speak.
-🪷

Mkay... there is a lot to unpack here.

The first thing that spiraled in my head was how you would tell Ellie that you were pregnant. Like I would imagine you and Joel keeping it a secret for a bit. Not wanting to get her hopes up and make her all excited and then for something to go wrong and take all the happiness away from her. But when you finally are ready to share... and idk why but I feel like it would be getting to the colder season so you would knit El bug a sweater to wear and like hand it to her after dinner. But between her sweater would be a much much smaller baby sweater that matched her one. And Ellie would be so confused looking at it for some time, until she would lift her head up like, "Is this what I think it is? Because they say that there are two things you can't ask a female and...". Of course add a quick "oh so he can actually still get you pregnant", that would of course earn a big growl from Joel.

But just as you said, I think at first it would all be amazing. She would be excited. Caring and supportive. Seeing this as an additional task to help you. So like stopping by the bakery to pick your favorite treats, restocking your snack boxes, making sure you have water with you all the time. And just as much as Joel tracking and monitoring the growth of your bump. But the sickness that has you practically in bed obviously takes away the mutually shared time you two are used to having and all of the sudden Ellie finds herself more alone. The house is quieter because you are mostly in your bedroom and it kind of hits her then. That she would just be an add on. That technically nothing hold her here. Is she really family?

So I do agree that it would be Joel who would approach Ellie first. Especially because he sees the shift in her behavior the most because he's now caring for her more. Like she is so much quieter when he's helping her out with some homework. No, scratch that. Ellie doesn't even ask for help anymore and if Joel pops in by her room to ask if she needs help she just shakes her head. So yes, Joel would be the first to kind of "drag" her into the more familiar surroundings for them both. A hike seems like a wonderful idea and so with that endless dad love that he has, he would slowly make her open up.

And I LOVE the I was once in your shoes thingy. That I also needed to become an older sibling. Because that's not only him saying-I know how you feel, I understand your doubts, I know the fears, you cab count on me. But that's him saying. You are a family. You are our first child. You will be a sibling, not just someone random person to the baby. And I think that would be so powerful.

[the-firebird69]

Christopher Cross, Dudley Moore - Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do) ...

It is finally being a man he says about this at least and it's because his wife is in trouble and he has to go to Boston first and that's my husband. He doesn't really want to go there but there be a couple positive things she likes to bring people back who the empire doesn't like prove it's the pyramids start a conflict there and see if humanity still doesn't want to go back there but okay. You have an evil plan and all this stuff Mac Daddy and people like that as a stupid plan turns out to be the max and you'll have to avoid that and they they want him to avoid going off in the hall and stuff and max is it he's a little upset because it's true you losers and that's what it is real. I'm looking forward to it now and I have to go to Boston too to make sure he's okay so he's asking me to go there because he thought just New York I'm going to make sure I'm there. So it goes to Boston and it'll become really famous and it is probably first on the list it is from westboro it's not a humongous amount of money back then they were compounding interest monthly and you didn't have much money in there another bank accounts he had thousands he had probably like $30 so he goes up there and it's like 40 Grand or something you can just barely make it so all that stupid hospital people are freaks coming out and they get killed it's really gross you assholes just look you see people getting killed right don't go outside you're nuts and really we're probably getting a lot of people who are very sick and need to be healed or killed and they won't accept being healed and it's a fight and they really never heal fully and it's a huge pain in the ass and people are very grossed out by what's happened here and very angry at the empire and they got the earlier message so we all have something to do but this is coming up we don't know how soon but he would fly and it was important Mac Daddy helped out and we know it his deal is this is incredible I say it because he wants me to go with him and he wanted me to go because of Sarah and she's my duty and yeah and it's a room with her it says gross it's not as bad as that guy it's like Sean kind of weird person live quiet that's funny questions get mad and it's not his girl it was actually Sarah so I have to go up there and Sarah was not the girl down in North Carolina that was not the other one either it was someone was hanging around your sister brother I didn't like her that much I hate her after she's going to call me a girlfriend she kept saying it and I said I'll punch you out and she keeps saying I'll never stop until it is and s*** like that I got really motivated one day she said it like 10 times I said you're not to say that I didn't sleep with you I slept in a bed and Michael too and my husband are forced to share a bed and they use the covers under over and he hasn't heard anything hardly maybe like once and people are pushing Mike and really this is terrible some of these people are horrible but it was a horrible trip and it went through DC and I told her that and she stops and she looked at it it helped this is going to help a lot and it will help a lot of people it'll help my husband I'm going to be there I'm going to be talking about when he can get he's laughing because he knows about it it's like a new kid to groom and things for his health it's kind of funny cuz I just start doing it and he's going oh this is exciting. But yeah I keep him on track.

I'm really looking forward to these two trips and you think she'll be separate and people say yes because of the wind in New York would be a lot might be several to each and it'll be a big deal up and down the seaboard and foreigners will take notice these guys will start doing work and it is starting to become a big deal and most of them don't want my husband to have the money it's code and they don't want to have money cuz they're extorting him what he says is you're holding on to the money and the max are killing you and you're extorting nobody but yourself and your idiots and it is kind of true they are doing the job and some of them are kind of aware of it I wouldn't wouldn't it be that way and it is they use the code because they follow it and we have to get ready and they know what happens and Brian Gerard is pretty Sharp he said it's not just him it's us and a lot of people around the world have a problem with money because it's like a check it all has numbers you leave them I need dispensing machine and you're in trouble if you go to the grocery store it's a little bit better they're trying to watch and it's not always very visible what bills you get out of the drawer but you can't get that much out if you go to the bank or the other teller they're tracking you like a check and he says it's good for now but really that's what it is and they've been doing it for many millennia so we have to keep an eye on it but here in town my husband reminds people that his money is being used so the money that they're using is cottage and they get it at the grocery store it's still coded and Dave proves it he goes and eats the quarters which makes them sick but he proved it by grabbing quarters which are massively famous and he got shot very badly because he did it and they couldn't get the quarters back because he swallowed them

I really love him and he loves me and he says it and wanted me to hear this and wanted to post it and I couldn't wait and he knows he's going to have me do it but I want people to know so it's me putting it up there he wanted to put it up there to show people that he cares about me so we're both doing it he says and that's good

Hera

Zues

This is the way it should be he's trying to get out a little and he's going to put it up but here it is

Olympus

Part 1

Zues

Oh yeah he remembered he's got two he wants to put up

Hera

[nooneelsecomesclose17]

I’ll leave what I’m chasing - part 6

This is the part that kind of started the whole fic. I wanted a fic where Sarah went up against Chas. It’s kind of got out of hand, but here it is. I’m the most nervous about this part!

(AO3 link)

“I’ve been thinking.” Sarah announces after their food has arrived. 

“Always a worry.” Robert snorts back a laugh at Aaron’s reply, his husband innocently eating his meal as if he hadn’t spoken.

When they’d arrived the pub had fallen into silence and he still felt uncomfortable, as if everyone was watching, judging. Aaron’s hand had been firmly in his until their food had arrived and that had helped, but now he can’t help notice Chas’s glare in his direction from where she’s standing talking to Sam and Lydia. Sam, bless him, had raised the glass he was holding in his direction when they’d walked in but Chas had said something so he’d put his head down and that was it.

A few people had come over to the table and said hello, some he knew, some he didn’t, but he’d plastered on his fake smile and made polite conversation, mind whirling with thoughts of what they thought of him. He wished he didn’t care so much, wished he could ignore the looks, the whispering. Chas had let Bob serve Aaron and he’d seen the look he’d given his Mum, a mix of disappointment mixed with indifference and he’d just felt bad about the whole thing all over again. If it weren’t for Aaron he would’ve left by now.

“Rob, you listening?”

“What? Sorry.”

“I was just saying, your sister is back next week, so I was thinking, how about having Ana christened?”

“Why?” He’s trying not to think about seeing Vic again, they’d not exactly parted on the best terms and he couldn’t help but feel this trip back to their Gran’s villa in Spain for a couple of months had been timed just so she could avoid him despite his Mum’s assurances that it wasn’t

“Because it’s nice, and it’d show everyone that you’re a family.”

“What happened to not caring what everyone thinks?” 

“Nothing wrong with showing them you’re settled though is there. Besides, like I said it’ll be nice to have a family occasion, and don’t tell me you won’t like the chance to show her off. You could always have Seb christened too if you wanted as Rebecca never got round to it.”

“Do you get a deal, two for the price of one?”

“Charles might actually offer that.” He looks across at Aaron, who surprisingly looks interested in the whole idea.

“Who’s Charles?”

“The new vicar.”

“New vicar? What happened to Harriet?” He hates this, hates that he doesn’t know the people in the village any more, that’s he’s totally disconnected from everything that’s been happening.

“It’s a long story. Charles is ok though, he and his son lived next door for a couple of months until they found a house in the village. You’ll like them.”

“So, the christening? Shall I talk to him about dates? The weather’s nice, we can have people back to the house after.”

“What’s this?” Robert’s annoyed that he jumps at the sound of Chas’s voice as she appears at the table. She makes a show of clearing their glasses but he’s not convinced, he’s sure she’s just being nosy. He sees Aaron look at Sarah, and he’s willing her not to answer. He knows her better though, there’s a glint in her eye.

“We’re talking about a christening for Ana and Seb.” She tells her and turns right back to them, effectively dismissing Chas and a part of him wants to laugh.

“Nice. Where are they then?”

“With their Grandma. Less likely to hear things they shouldn’t with her.” He can’t help himself, hopes Aaron doesn’t mind, the hand on his knee says he doesn’t.

“Are you going to let him speak to me like that?” He catches his Mum’s look, telling him to leave it to Aaron.

“He’s not saying anything that isn’t true, Mum. What do you think it would’ve done to Seb to hear those things you were saying? It was bad enough that I heard them.”

“I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true and you know it. Maybe I’m not the one that needs keeping away from them.” He’s not quick enough to stop Aaron jumping to his feet.

“Don’t! Those children are loved and safe and that’s all any kid needs.”

“With him as a father?”

“That’s enough.” Aaron’s voice is quiet, almost a whisper. “I told you I won’t have you talking like that. Come on Robert, let’s go home. Sarah, I’m sorry, I know you wanted to try and have a nice dinner but I’m not staying here and listening to this.”

“Of course not love. You go on ahead, I’ll collect the children from Diane and bring them home.”

Robert follows him, almost in a dream, still a little stunned. It’s not like Aaron hasn’t stood up for him before but even so it’s still a surprise to him when it happens. 

“Aaron, wait!” Chas’s shrill shout makes him wince and he waits for Aaron to go back like he would have done once upon a time, but he doesn’t, he holds onto his hand a little tighter if anything.

“Ignore her. We’ll get the kids and when they’re sleeping we’ll curl up in front of a film.”

They’re halfway home when he realises he’s left his jacket, assures Aaron he can fetch it himself and tells him to pick the film while he waits. The pub is quieter when he gets inside and as he pushes the door open he can hear why.

“...does whatever he wants. He can’t go around hitting people with shovels and expect to get away with it. I’m just looking out for the children.”

“No you’re not. You’re just holding a grudge you’ve had for years. You never wanted Aaron with Robert, and ok maybe he made mistakes in the past, but not this. They should’ve given him a medal for it, not locked him up.” It makes him feel warm inside hearing his Mum defend him. She always has, but for so long no one else did and now he knows he has Aaron who will always be there.

“He hurt someone!” He winces at how high her voice gets. He should leave, go home to Aaron, but something stops him, something makes him want to hear what she says.

“A rapist who had harassed my daughter for weeks, who taunted Robert to the point of breaking. I’m just sorry I wasn’t holding the shovel myself.” He almost laughs because he knows if she’d been in the village she would’ve done the same as him. It had only been Vic and him assuring her she should stay where she was that stopped her coming back.

“You can’t just take the law into your own hands.”

“Well that’s rich coming from a Dingle! Do I need to point out to you that you sent your brother round to deal with your ex? That you graffitied his car? I always knew you were a hypocrite Chas Dingle, but I never realised quite how much of one you are.”

“You don’t know anything about any of that. You weren’t even here back then!”

“No, I wasn’t, but I still have friends here. It’s really no skin off my nose what you do, but if you don’t want to lose your son and your grandchildren then you’d better do something about your behaviour towards Robert because Aaron’s not going to change his mind”

“Not with you and your son poisoning Aaron against me.”

“Oh Chas, he doesn’t need us to do that, you do a pretty good job yourself. If anything Robert wants you both to make up. This is all Aaron, because despite what you and Paddy think he’s an adult and fully capable of making his own decisions and has been for a very long time.”

“How dare you! You’ve only been here a few months and you think you can come in here and lecture me.”

“Oh I dare. I dare because I’ve talked to him, because unlike you, I’ve been there for him when Ana wouldn’t sleep, when Seb played up because he didn’t understand where his Daddy was, when he just wanted his husband. Where were you?”

“Where was Robert more like. Aaron wouldn’t have been in that state if he’d not cut him off. Left him alone to deal with a newborn baby and his son. In my book you don’t do that to the people you love.”

“Well, I guess you’d know more about that than me. At least when I left my husband my kids knew where I was.”

“Mum.” He’s quiet, but she hears him because the pub is quiet, too interested in the show that’s playing out in front of them. He has to stop them before it turns into something more ugly that they can’t come back from. Not because of him, he can’t handle it. The rest of the customers are agog at them and he’s surprised no one is trying to defend Chas. There’s a couple more Dingles in, but even they’re keeping out of it which surprises him. “Let’s go.”

“I’m sorry love, but it needed saying.” She leaves Chas standing there, fury all over her face and joins him at the door. “Am I in trouble?

He wants to hug her if he’s honest with himself but he doesn’t, just wants to get out of the place. When they’re out on the street he does, holding on that little bit longer. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t say anything that isn’t true.”

“Did leave him though, didn’t I? She was right about that. I left him, and I left Seb.”

“She’s got no room to be lecturing anyone on leaving a child. Or anything else for that matter.”

“How much did I miss out on?” He links his arm in hers as they make their way to pick up the children.

“Oh not much.”

“Oh great. You really went to town didn’t you?”

“I gave as good as I got, yes. Robert, I’m not going to stand by and let her say those things. I’ve not been here all the time I should have been, I’ve a lot to make up for.”

“And you’re doing that by going toe to toe with Chas Dingle? You know, you really don’t have anything to make up for Mum.” He pecks her cheek. “Thank you anyway.”

[the-court-of-dreams]

HOSAB SPOILER

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Quotes that KILLED ME in Hosab a summary:

1.

"The frigid water hit Sofie like a bomb blast, and then the lead at her feet grabbed all that she was and might have been, and pulled her under"

First of all....fuck you

2.

"I was hoping to find a way to spend my life with her."

Second of all...FUCK YOU

3.

My stupid ass: I won't have my heart torn to pieces by Bryce and Danika's friendship in this book.

Sarah:

"The sorceress said a shade gently, “You won’t find any traces of Danika left in the Bone Quarter, you know.”"

Me:🤡

4.

"“And yet your father is allowed to stay in power?”

“Yeah. Aren’t all of these assholes allowed to stay in power? Who’s going to stop them?”

“Us. People like us. One day.”

Lidia Cervos everybody, the MVP, the Dreamer born in a Court (Or perhaps house is more appropriate) of fucking Nightmares.

5.

“You’re the first person I’ve spoken to normally in … a very long time.”

“How long?”

“So long that I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be myself. I think I’ve lost my true self entirely. To destroy monsters, we become monsters. Isn’t that what they say?”

And thus I pledge my undying love to this fucking ship that wrecked me.

6.

“They’re not worth my anger. I have to keep remembering that.”

Life lessons from Juniper everybody. You tell them girl, you tell them.

7.

It might have been the worst lie she’d ever told, because as Ithan left, he looked like he actually believed her.

What number if this? Oh yeah...seventh of all FUCK YOUUU

8.

“I’m sorry if I gave you false hope.”

“It kept her alive in my heart a little longer.”

When I tell you I fucking died....I. FUCKING. DIED. I was fucking sobbing. Thanks Sarah! THANKS GIRL. Once again making me care for the secondary ships and then destroy the shit out of them.

9.

Ruhn drifted, quiet and calm. When was the last time anyone had told him a story to lull him to sleep?

This quote that just SCREAMS lost innocence. GODS.

Ps: Ruhn is my favourite fucking character, and I want the head of the bartard he has for a father on a fucking spike for all the shit my baby had to go through.

10.

Ithan’s mouth dried out. What would he even say to Connor? I love you would likely be the first. I miss you every minute of every damn day would be the second.

Somebody just give Ithan a fucking hug. His grief and guilt messed me the fuck up throughout the book. Also the accuracy of this quote just had me sobbing at 4 in the morning. FUCK.

11.

But a Fae Queen had loved a demon prince. And he had loved her enough to …

To lose a fucking war because of she died. AND THUS I STARTED CARING FOR AIDAS AND THEIA AS WELL. FUCK. ME.

And here comes the good stuff.....

12.

Baxian peeled back the collar of his battle-suit, revealing brown, muscled flesh. And a tattoo scrawled over the angel’s heart in familiar handwriting.

Through love, all is possible.

She knew that handwriting. “Why,” she asked carefully, voice shaking, “do you have Danika’s handwriting tattooed on you?”

Baxian’s dark eyes became pained. Empty. “Because Danika was my mate.”

I SCREAMED. I SOBBED. I THREW MY PHONE TO THE FUCKING WALL.

MY FUCKING SOUL WAS RIPPED TO FUCKING PIECES.

GODDDDS!

I actually feel like I manifested this ship, because I was like...HUH He's a shady motherfucker, he and Danika would be lit together...such a shame. AND THEN THIS FUCKING CHAPETR CAME AND I. FUCKING. DIED.

I can't even describe how much I ship this. The fact that its canon is the joy of my life and the fact that she is fucking dead is the bane of my existence.

13.

Baxian:

“I loved her. More than anything.”

Me:

OH GOD PLEASE NOOOO

14.

Danika’s mate still loved her.

SOMEBODY PLEASE STOP THIS TORTURE FOR FUCK'S SAKE

15.

“You return to me.”

“I return to you.” He spoke in a voice that was and wasn’t his own. Some small part of him screamed.

THARION BABY NOOOOOO

16.

“You fear him.” Something primal stirred in Ruhn.

“Yes. His wrath is terrible. I’ve seen what he does to enemies. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.”

“Can’t you leave him?”

She laughed, harsh and hollow. “No. My fate is bound to his.”

“Your fate is bound to mine.” The words echoed into the darkness.

AND THUS MY SHIP SAILED AND TOOK MY FUCKING HEART WITH IT

17.

“I’m going to find you,” he said against her burning hair. “I’ll find you one day, I promise.”

When I tell you this is my favourite ship in the series I fucking mean it.

18.

His love transformed her back into a witch, melting away all that she’d become. They dwelled in peace in the forest for the rest of their immortal lives.

The whole story ruined me, but the end....oooh the end left me sobbing.

19.

He was fairly certain his soul lay in splinters around them.

Mine too Ruhn baby...mine too.

20.

But … I know how it feels to wake up one day and wonder how you got so far from that carefree person you were.

This broke me because I can relate to my fucking core. I kinda think that all of us can actually. So yeah...cheers to that 🍻

21.

Tharion knew that tone. Knew that look. And it was then that he understood.

Cormac hadn’t just gone rogue. He’d never intended to get out of here alive.

Which makes the whole conversation with Ruhn ALL THE MORE HEARTBREAKING.

At least he is with Sofie now ....

22.

He dove deep, into the place where he’d always run to avoid his father’s ministrations.

SOMEBODY KILL THE FUCKING KING OF AUTUMN RIGHT FUCKING NOW. I MEAN IT.

23.

His ally was his enemy. His enemy was his lover.

And I will go down with thiiis ship...

24.

Lidia had so much blood on her hands that there would never be any washing it away.

I only had her for half a book but if anybody touches her I will riot.

25.

Ruhn looked at his sister and said softly, “You brought so much joy into my life, Bryce.”

And there goes what was left of my fucking heart.

26.

“I love you. I wish I’d said it more. But I love you, Quinlan, and …” His throat closed up, his eyes stinging. His lips brushed her brow. “Our love is stronger than time, greater than any distance. Our love spans across stars and worlds. I will find you again. I promise.”

DEAD. GONE. IN FUCKING PIECES.

AND THUS ALL MY DAMN SHIPS SUNK AND WENT TO FUCKING HEL. THANKS SARAH. SEE YOU IN A YEAR.

Bonus:

Accurate image of me after hosab:

[pogueit]

First Aid Kit

Paring: Pope Heyward x Reader

Summary: You have an accident while attempting to do a new trick and Pope is the man for the job.

Warnings: blood ofc and general first aid stuff nothing too graphic tho!!

WC: 1,994

A/N: There's not enough Pope content!! SO I made some!! Pls enjoy some Pope and Y/N action!

THE GIF IS NOT MINE IT BELONGS TO @rue-bennett !!!!

Saturdays are not meant to be boring, but this scorching afternoon there was nothing to do. John B. went on his weekly date with Sarah, JJ scored a date with a kook he's been eyeing, and Kie was forced to go to a gala on the mainland, so it was just you and Pope alone in the chateau. He had been studying all day for an upcoming chemistry exam he has first thing Monday morning. You tried all day to get his head out of the books, but he was not having any of it. It wasn't until the late afternoon that you got him to go outside with you. Even though his nose was still deep in the piles of notes at least he was outside. You were skating on a horrifically uneven stretch of concrete that was oddly slathered in front of the chateau. Every time he could hear the wheels pop upwards he would snap his eyes to you, cheering you on when you stuck the landing. You were glad that he was far enough away to not be able to see how red your cheeks were. You've had a massive crush on the boy ever since Kie introduced you to the group. Your mom had just moved your ass down to the banks to get a fresh start far away from your poor excuse for a father. She managed to quickly score a job at The Wreck (where you were also forced to work part-time) as head chef. Your mom got on well with the Carrera's who only deemed it appropriate to force their daughter to hang out with you, being new in town and all. Kie wasn’t bothered at all and was glad to have another girl around. After hanging out with her for a single day, you wouldn’t hesitate to take a bullet for her. Kiara didn't introduce you to the knuckleheads right away, since she had taken a liking to you and didn't want to scare you away. The day that she did you remembered Pope had been the last one to say "hey" yet his was the warmest. After that day your stomach would erupt with butterflies whenever you'd even look at him and you would nearly die when your hands would brush against each other in passing. There was just something about him. Maybe it was how he didn't believe in stupid questions, except for JJ's of course, or how he would learn a new subject just to be able to help one of you ace an exam. It could be how the sun sparkled against his wet skin after a long day of swimming or surfing. How relaxed he looks sitting in the driver's seat of the HMS Pogue taking in all that the sun had to offer. You were glad the rest of the crew hadn't caught on yet, especially JB since he's already taken the role as your big brother, even though you're sure that you’re definitely older than him. He would never let you hear the end of it if he knew. The constant pestering, nudging, and side-eyeing would have driven you insane. Your mind slowly drifted back to the boy studying a few feet away from you. The thoughts of those hot summer nights in the cool water with him clouded your brain, so much so you nearly wiped out.

"You good!?" Pope's concerned voice made your head snap in his direction. You knew that the embarrassment on your face was very telling but you just shot him two thumbs up and got back on your board. You shake off any remaining thoughts from your head before attempting your new trick. You were sick and tired of random strangers, but mostly JJ and JB, yelling at you to do a kickflip whenever you were skating. After watching countless videos on kickflips you were basically an expert on them at this point and all you had to do now was actually stick the landing. You slid your right foot to the middle of the board so that your heel was just off the edge while your toes rested in the middle. You shifted your left foot to the tail of the deck and with all the strength you could muster you push down on the tail while your right foot flicked down on the edge of the board. It would have been a spectacular landing if it weren't for the random-ass pebble that your wheel landed on.

"Oh fuck, are you alright!?" Pope was by your side before you even realized you were on the ground. Falling came with the game and you were not fazed at all, since you've had grislier wipeouts than this, but that's before you saw the fountain of blood that poured out of your knee.

"Yeah, I'm fine dude-- I've had-- I need to--The bathroom--" you hobbled quickly into the bathroom at the chateau trying your darndest to not get any blood in the house. By the time you were able to sit down on the toilet, you were seeing stars. Your vision was slowly fading to black and you felt like you were going to vomit. You closed your eyes tightly as you pressed a clump of toilet paper to your knee, which pulled a hiss right from your lungs at the sensation. Promptly, you bit down on your bottom lip to keep yourself from letting out a scream. A light knock came from the door and it couldn't be anyone else but Pope.

"Are you alright in there y/n?" From all the pain you were in you could only hum out a yes as a response, but you knew that would not be a good enough answer for the boy.

"Yeah, just don't--" before you could even finish your sentence he barged in "--open the door, why don't ya". His eyes grew wide at the bloody mess you made in the bathroom, but then quickly softened at the sight of you. Your skin was flushed with developing perspiration clinging to your skin and your lips had gone pale as your lungs suddenly only knew how to hyperventilate.

"Uh, I don’t think it would be in your best interest to say that it looks like a slasher flick was filmed in here" his words made you squeeze your eyes tighter as bloody images flashed before you and it only got harder for you to breathe. Pope stepped inside the rather small bathroom and closed the door behind him. He picked up all the toilet paper you had used for your leg and tossed them into the trash bin before he crouched down next to you.

"Does it still hurt?" His voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, as if you would shatter if he spoke any louder. All you could muster was a tiny nod as the pain took up most of your energy. His hands then gently pried your hands off of your injured knee and inspected it. Since the cut had almost stopped bleeding completely, Pope, was able to see that the wound was deep but not enough for it to garner any stitches and it was free of any debris. Lucky for you because JB had fallen there a couple of weeks ago and Pope had to whip out the tweezers to get all the gravel out of the bloody gash.

"Hey, it's not that bad-- I mean it is bad but it could be worse-- I'm gonna clean it now" the boy got to his feet and helped you sit on the edge of the bathtub with your feet sitting inside the tub. He then washed his hands furiously to avoid infection and gathered all the supplies he needed which consisted of antibacterial soap, antibiotic cream, gauze pads, gauze rolls, and unconditional love and support. Pope helped you undo both your shoes and removed them along with your embarrassing Winnie the Pooh socks. He sat with his legs outside the tub to have easy access to the supplies. After he checked to make sure the water wasn't too hot or too cold Pope moved your leg so your knee was underneath the faucet. The wound's contact with the water wasn't as bad as you thought, but it could’ve been you were distracted by his soothing touches as he held you close to him. Pope was careful not to get any of the soap in the cut just on the surrounding area and when he was finished he made sure to clean the rest of your blood-caked leg up as well. Once you were all cleaned up, he padded your leg dry before he attempted to put ointment on the tender flesh.

"Is it going to hurt?" You squeaked as he retrieved the ointment from the countertop.

"It might sting, but it shouldn't, '' he reassured you, as he brought the ointment-covered q-tip to your knee, but you couldn't help that your knee-jerked away from his touch.

"Ow, fuck!"

"Y/n, I haven't even touched you yet"

"I know, I know, sorry"

"I promise it won't hurt, y/n, and if it does you can punch me or something" even if it did hurt that bad you couldn’t imagine hurting Pope in any way. He once again leaned back in with the q-tip and sure enough, it wasn't painful at all. The ointment soothed the burning sensation of the area which finally allowed you to relax. He then carefully put a gauze pad on the injury, before wrapping your knee securely with gauze. You slid off the edge of the grimy porcelain tub and onto the ground while Pope stood next to the sink and neatly tucked everything back into the first aid kit.

"Uh, thanks--" your words got lost in your throat when your eyes met his warm eyes "--um, dude?" You felt stupid when it came out as a dumbfounded question and the heat quickly rose to your cheeks. If it was any time for you to die you wish it would have happened right then.

"Yeah, any time, y/n" he shot an endearing smile in your direction and you've never wanted to kiss a man so much before in your life.

You both let the awkwardness settle over you. The two of you riddled with hesitancy, but quietly yearned to confess your feelings to one another. He needed to get out of there. Pope gave you a curt nod and a tight smile, but as he headed towards the door there was vacillation in his movements. Before you lost sight of him from the doorway, he turned back around determined.

"Y/N, I gotta--" you were soon on your feet as the last bit of courage you had for your lifetime allowed you to meet him halfway. He didn't bother finishing his sentence as he decided his actions would speak for him. Pope cupped your face in his soft hands and crashed your lips together. The kiss was sweet, sweeter than anything you've ever experienced before. His plump lips gilded confidently over your timid ones. As the fire inside of you diminished your shyness you shifted yourself forward onto your tippy toes to deepen the kiss. Your movements caused you to pin Pope against the bathroom wall and you could feel him smile against your lips. His velvet tongue dragged against your bottom lip for permission to explore you further and you were more than eager to let him.

"Fucking finally!" The familiar voice of the rowdy klepto caught you guys by surprise causing both of you to jump away from each other.

"I guess I'm forty bucks richer, I knew you had it in ya, Pope!" JJ beamed as he walked towards the two of you and you playfully rolled your eyes at the blonde-haired boy.

"Fuck off!" Pope giggled and slammed the door in JJ's face before he turned to face you.

"Now, where were we?"

[bookofmirth]

You know, there are things in the fandom and my friends theorize in general that I keep finding it pointless, because Sarah never did it.

I know for many I know, Sarah has a problem because her writing on many things needs improvement.

I know all the problems, but I also don't begin to think that Sarah is going to do this and that because of the fame she has these days.

I don't give an opinion and I won't even hate the author if it's something in personal life because everyone says this and that because I don't know that as Sarah is and I shouldn't believe in Said Me Said either.

I will only criticize what each author writes because I can judge what I read and not because I have been told this and that about someone's personal life.

I don't want to judge and I won't defend either.

But the thing is, even if I don't trust Sarah half the things she could do better, I'm confident even she has a conscience.

She knows she can't do half the things they say she's going to do.

Although sometimes she could get some good advice.

It sounds like you've been reading some anti sjm posts 😂

I've said this before, but I think the ship war has made people forget that the anti sjm community exists, and its purpose is... questionable.

Yeah, we know that there are inconsistencies (Lucien's parentage) or that her world-building could be better (how does the magic even work), and that she doesn't always think through the implications of every plot point (thinking of the pliant bones, the pregnancy plot, Nesta's intervention... almost every plot point of acosf, really).

But she's still a person, she doesn't owe us anything, and we could at least be decent enough to not talk shit about her as an individual. Just because we bought her books doesn't mean we can comment on her fame or what she cares about or whatever.

We paid for a book, we got a book, she doesn't owe us the exact book that we want. That's not how creative works... work.

There used to be a blog dedicated to gathering all the gossip about her personal life, like her friendships with other authors and such. It was so ridiculous and childish.

I will only criticize what each author writes because I can judge what I read and not because I have been told this and that about someone's personal life.

This is exactly how I feel, too. I know that people lovvvvve to talk shit about how she's not friends anymore with people who used to be in her book acknowledgements, but do you know how many people I've been friends with for a time and no longer speak with? It's not because any of us are bad people, shit happens and people sometimes just grow apart. It feels really immature to say "oh she and SD aren't friends anymore omg she must have fucked up". Like have you never had a falling out with someone? Have you never grown apart from a friend???

I've been seeing more anti sjm stuff come across my dash lately, and 90% of it has me rolling my eyes. Anything that's anti a specific character, too - it's just ridiculous to me, whatever happened to nuance?? I'm sure someone is thinking "Lele you're such a hypocrite that one anti tag was in your top ten of 2021" and okay well yeah random tumblr person that's true, but I am enjoying my moment of being right after being quiet about it for four years okay? haha Soon enough I will move on and won't even need that tag anymore, mainly because in general, I find being anti-anything a waste of my time. And I had a lot of pent-up dislike that needed to come out.

[jjmaybankstorys]

NO PLAYER PT3- JJ MAYBANK

Here you can find PART1 and PART2 

Summary: at a party, Kie blurts out that you start liking Jj. After Jj and you ignoring e/o, the Pogues decide to leave you alone on the boat to sort things out....

Also guys requests are always open, so just comment them HERE or text me xx

Today is a party at Sarah's. Well, what does party mean. Her parents are at the Bahamas and the six of you want to hang out. 

When you arrive, you sit outside on the veranda. Jj gets you a couple of beers and you have fun.

"I think we need to toughen up a bit" Sarah says as she stands up and grabs some tequila from the shelf. All you can hear is cheering. Tequila is your weakness. You love it but you shouldn't drink too much of it.

"I'm so in today," says Ki and drinks from the bottle.

"Woah easy Ki" says Pobe and takes the bottle from her hand. 

After a few shots and a lot of beer you are all pretty drunk. But not as drunk as Ki. You could say she really got into it.

Kiara stands in front of you all the time and dances wildly. It's funny. And sometimes you join in. 

"Hey you guys... you're... cute" she says dancing and looking at you and Jj. You just sit next to each other. Nothing special.

"Thank you" says Jj and looks at you.

"Guys guys I've never seen her SO drunk." Says JohnB and laughs

"You know what's funny. No.... not funny but I think it's so cute because Y/N is soooo into JJ." Says Ki still dancing

"Ou..." you hear Pobe and JB say from the side. 

You can't believe what she just said. Everyone is quiet. Your heart beats faster and you blush. You see JJ's shocked face from the side. 

"No... what? That... is not true" you say.

"Yes it is... you just don't want to admit it... but you always come up to me and you're like "omg Ki Jj looks so hot" or "I miss Jj". I swear she would want to have sex with you" Ki says drunkenly as she realises that was too much.

"Oh really?... man I didn't know that..." says jj laughing and looking at you.

"Ugh fuck that" you say, getting up and walking away. 

Jj follows you.

"Wait wait wait... where are you going Y/N?" asks Jj and you stop.

"Home." You reply. 

"So..." says Jj but you interrupt him.

"This is not something I want to talk about right now, I'm pissed as hell at Kiara and I want to go home Jj!" You say annoyed and keep walking 

"Okay. Good. But I'm definitely not letting you go alone. I'll go with you" says Jj and takes you home.

————-

Today is a party on the beach. 

Ki apologized multiple times now but you didn't answer.

You have not continued to talk to Jj about what Ki said. 

You just got into a conversation with a boy. 

"Hey, can I get you anything?" says a boy, daniel, with whom you have often talked, leaning against a tree. 

"No, but thanks" you say 

"So why is a pretty girl like you here all alone?" he asks and smiles 

"Oh, I was just gonna get a drink"

"I'll fix you something" he says and winks at you 

"Oh thank you" you answer smiling  

Jj looks at you. You see how jealousy goes up in him when he sees you with the guy. 

"Jj are you okay?" says JohnB

"I'm fine" Jj says without taking his eyes off you. 

"What are you looking at? Did something happen between you two?" asks Pope 

"no, why should it" says Jj and looks over to the others 

"you've been staring at them all evening" says Ki

"It just makes me sick," says Jj 

"I can't understand why she even talks to him," he explains. 

"I mean, nobody can. She hated him back then" admits JohnB. 

"She still does," says Jj angrily 

"Doesn't look like it," Pope notes 

Jj looks over to you. You hug the guy and you laugh together. 

"Hey guys" you say smiling 

"So you and that guy there," Jj says without even looking at you. 

"He has a name Jj. It's daniel" you say annoyed 

"Oh sorry miss. So you two? You and DANIEL?" Jj replies

"Yeah, we like to hang out together. We're not together or anything," you say 

"fucking bullshit" says Jj and looks at you

"What do you have now. That's none of your business"

"You obviously like him." Jj says angrily 

"It's so wrong" says Jj and kicks his foot in the sand

"why wrong?" you say 

"Oh my God, we're certainly not going to talk about that now" says Jj annoyed 

"what the hell is wrong with you" you say out loud

"Nothing.. just maybe I thought that I'd mean something to you. But turns out, I don't" says Jj 

"I'm gonna go guys, I'll see you later but I really don't need to do that to myself" you say and go back to the guy who was obviously waiting for you

——-

So the others notice that you both like each other. But neither of you has managed to start a conversation. No one wants to make the first move. Even though Jj wanted to fight for you, and did, he doesn't see the point of chasing after you after all this. And you don't know what to do. You don't know how to explain to him that you kind of like him too. 

"Guys, we have to do something," Johnb says to Pobe, Sarah and Ki.

"What are you talking about, you idiot?" asks Sarah with a laugh.

"I mean about Jj and Y/N.... it's so obvious that they like each other and we know that. But they both don't have the balls to do anything," JohnB says.

"Yeah right... what do you have in mind?" asks Pobe curiously.

"Maybe we go for a ride on HMS Pogue and say we have a problem on the boat. Jj's dad's boat. It's still in the water here at the chateau" says Ki

"Yeah... yeah and then have them help us and then we jump off the boat and drive away. We'll leave them there to talk," says Sarah.

"You girls are really great at making plans" says JohnB laughing.

"Good idea though," adds Pobe.

And so they did. They planned everything and told you they needed help. They pick you up and drive you to the boat.

You get on it.

"What's the problem?" says Jj

"Well, somehow the Phantom won't start" says Sarah.

„The Phantom? Nah this baby works all the time. It's like this girl is brand new guys" says Jj as he starts looking at the engine. You join in. Meanwhile Sarah and Johnb jump off the boat and drive away with the others on the HMS pogue.

"Guys she works. Everything normal here" says Jj as you two notice them driving away 

"HEY WHAT THE HELL" you scream and run forward.

"YOU NEED TO TALK. AND NOW YOU HAVE TIME TO" JohnB shouts back.

You want to jump into the water but Jj stops you.

"Y/N it's no use... they're already gone" he says.

"ugh" you say and sit down. You sit there with just your bikini top and shorts. And Jj sits a little further away, topless and in his shorts.

At first you don't talk. Jj is kind of pissed and you are pissed because he is pissed. 

After a while it gets dark and you get some lights from the boat and put them on the deck. 

Jj rolls a joint and smokes it.

"Ugh Jj, you can go away with that. I don't want the smell" you say annoyed.

"Sorry... I'll put it away" he says and throws the joint into the water.

"You don't have to throw it away" you reply.

"Yes... it bothered you" he says.

Kind of sweet. Jj always cared about how you were and made sure you were okay. Even now.

By now it's dark and you're laying on cover under the open sky on the boat. You look at the stars.

"Hey Y/N" says Jj

"Yes" you say

"What was that yesterday?" he says as he turns to face you. 

"You mean you got mad at me for talking to a kook?" you reply, still not looking at him.

"yes Y/N I am or was pissed as shit. Kooks are all the same. And fuck he just wants to fuck you. That's just how they are" he says

"Oh wow Y/N don't be prejudiced. Why are you reacting like this?" you ask and turn to face Jj.

"What the fuck Y/N? I thought you liked me? I thought it was worth fighting for you and that I had managed to get you when Ki blurted out the stuff," Jj says, slightly angry.

"I... I know."

"I'm sorry but I just wanted to distract myself a bit after that" you say.

"Distract? From what, me?" asks Jj slightly hurt.

"Yeah... yeah, kinda" you say.

"What was that Ki said yesterday? Do you really like me? Or do you still think I'm a player?" asks Jj.

"no... I mean yeah... so Ki was right Jay. I do like you. You fought so hard for me and you took it all so seriously I never expected that. You made me change my mind. I believe you. And I like you. I believe you Jj" you say 

You see the relief in Jj's eyes. He looks so happy.

"So you want to go through this with me? Do we want to get serious?" asks Jj

"Yes... yes I will go through with it with you" you say smiling.

"That is... no wait" says Jj and stands up. He kneels down in front of you.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" he asks with a smile.

"Of course Jj. Yes" you say laughing and he hugs you.

“I wanted to ask you that for so long” he smiles

"Y/N I promise to always be by your side" says Jj.

"Thank you Jay" you say

He comes closer and gives you a loving kiss

"It feels so good to know that you are mine now" Jj says with a smile and looks you in the eyes.

————————————————

I really hope you liked it. Feel free to leave any comments or REQUESTS HERE if you have any.

You can find my MASTERLIST HERE.

[duchessofostergotlands]

i notice that now that the meghan isn't a working royal, designers are constantly posting and using pics of her on their social media. however, back when she was a working royal or even someone like kate, the designers typically don't post pictures of them wearing their clothes, or they don't advertise that they're wearing their clothes. is this part of the "can't use royal for your business" thingy?

I don't know if that's true. Kate happens to wear a lot of designers who are very quiet anyway like McQueen. Sarah Burton rarely talks in public. But there are plenty of examples of other brands posting when Kate wears their stuff. When her and William went up to Scotland she wore a few Holland Cooper pieces and Jade Holland Cooper posted about 4 separate Instagram stories with how excited she was about it. Tiffany Rose - a maternity brand worn by lots of the royals - have a whole press section which highlights articles about Kate wearing their pieces (they used to have a gallery of royals and celebs wearing their dresses). All the Falling Stars, the jewellery brand Kate wore, have posted Instagram edits of the times Kate has worn their jewellery. I feel like a brand like D&G or McQueen or Catherine Walker or even Zara - people who regularly dress celebrities and public figures or who have a massive international operation - are not going to post every time Kate wears something by them. It's the small, independent brands who do that so it's more dependent on which designers they feature and when. I'm not saying definitely that there hasn't been a change in the way businesses talk about Meghan wearing their clothes, maybe there has. But I don't personally have the data to back that up.

Ultimately the royals can't tell brands what to do and what not to do. If they want to post about it, they can and will. The royal gift rules are just rules for royals, they are completely unenforceable for businesses. And what they state is not "businesses can't post about their items being used by the royals" they state that royals cannot accept free gifts from businesses i.e. in the course of engagements unless there is an understanding it won't be exploited. That is really to prevent a situation where someone says "I'll give you a free couture gown and in exchange I want you to spit in Boris Johnson's face when you next see him" and then the royal accepting that and being in debt to the business. It's not about a royal accepting a gift and then the brand making a post on social media to say that someone wore their item - which is a matter of fact and something the press and bloggers would find out regardless.

Let me know if any of that doesn't make sense!

[warningimmental]

You made your choice. It's not to be a mother so....... Congratulations you're free!!!. Your Wish came true.

Yes this is public so people can see.#TRUTH

***See below as im not repeating again and again.***

My side of life.

P.s

Yeah I'll be fine. I always am in the end.

( Heres what needs to be said and has been said so not to repeat myself. From in PMs )

Sad thing is she knows ill forgive her just like I forgave dad and EVERYONE and EVERYTHING else. I care so no one else has to. I'm the one who picked up the pieces of everything but was tormented daily. She wonders why I was the way I was it was due to parenting and fobbing me off to anyone who would take me.

Anne and Bob should of kept me. They couldn't have kids they could of had me though. (neighbours I adopted as grandparents no blood but love ) My father was a shit most of my life my mother was everyones mother bar mine. They kept me quite with gadgets and as long as I went to school fed and watered job done.

Favourite quote was "it's your fault" and dads was "your making me ill"

Christ for someone who knows everyone elses business she never saw what was happening to her own daughter.

29 years im done. Sick of being a leighton.

I said Stockholm syndrome I loved my captives just happened to be the people I called mum and dad....

I still love them both but what I was "known as normal" was not remotely normal.

Eg. I was appendicitis and born 8 months in mum had no clue and I was "hiding" behind her ribs. It's medically impossible.

Not to mention lived in New York every other year from age of 6 months till I was 13. Dad would take me over and over and over mum came ONCE for my 13th.

I have no memories of New York. It's kind of a huge thing and place to have been wiped out of a memory.

Now im clear-minded im having pseudoseizures because my subconscious doesn't want me to remember what happened.

What mother would let a new born or toddler a child that can't speak fly to the other side of the world to only be with men. My dad and my fucked up uncle who sends stuff to "favourite" niece

I've tried so hard to get better and it's not even my family who acknowledged it.

There's so much you don't know.

She used to have me go in the house before her in case dad had killed himself so id find him first from the ages of 7 onwards. When dad past I went behind the curtain first. So I kept the is see him first. On 29th April 2018

I was always on eggshells she would say people die of lack of breath so EVERY NIGHT id check on mum and dad every hour. She would hold her breath to screw with me. Then say im not dead go to bed.

The house was toxic. For once in my life im actually sane.

She is not who you think she is.

If I've lost my mind it's because my environment sucked. I'm finally out. Sober can think clear and don't harm because I don't have to deal with the toxicity that I dealt with ALL my life.

If I told you everything you wouldn't believe me. Which is fine know one does because but it's true.

Always ask why or what causes someone to go off the rails and self destruct. I never felt safe, I was always told I was a mistake and everything was my fault. As long as I kept the family secrets mum was happy.

Dad was toxic. Mum the same. She wants drama so I finally said enough.

When I say mum knows everything I mean she saw it all and NEVER had it stop or put me safe. I can finally talk now dad is gone. I could write every TRUTH down and write a book. People would wonder how the hell did this girl cope and live to tell. I lived because I care about everything and everyone else. But im done now.

I doubt you'd believe me if im honest. My inbox is full of people defending her and my dad. If only they knew. its been a long time coming but im finally speaking out.

I know people don't understand but I don't want to burden with it. If You like my mum and dad id rather I let you keep the illusion. I know it's out there now that's enough.

If you want to see my life keep reading otherwise STOP HERE.

I'm fine and im safe finally. I just needed more as a child than fear of what should of been my safe place a home.

I don't want us to be strangers to the people who read this and thin sarahs lost it.

I don't want to cause a riff, I just couldn't not say it finally. Mum says always go to counselling but I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone the truth about dad or mum. Or the truth on why I had to have a very intrusive operation due to assault by 3 at Halloween party. Mum now knows that. Dad was arrested for hitting the wrong lad. Dad and mum would have gone down for murder if I spoke out.

On the other hand there was also my home life in general. I was made to stay quiet about having a revolving door of strangers. Huge boozy parties after a night out. Mum and me being treat like muck on a shoe.

A abusive uncle who would have me and my cusion be "kissing cusions" .Every night when I was 15 to 26 I drank took sleeping pills and hid away in my room self destructive harm anything so not to deal.

I look like wolferrines attacked me because of the arguments or threats. Mum couldnt leave the house quick enough. I gave up on a career to care for my dad but I was always looked down on.

****** golden girl. left was I was guilt tripped saying "your still dads girl you won't leave me" while dad would cry. Every night.

Mum swears I was an appendicitis 8 months in term. I'd be handed to anyone and everyone. Every year or every other from birth id end up in america. Mum would say her holidays where when me and dad would leave. From 6 months old id always go back and forth to New York. I couldnt talk yet "apparently" begged to go with dad.

Mum would say after blazing rows im leaving.

Then just walk out the door. I was left with a highly angry father and confused were mum had gone and if she would come back for me. I'd stay up all night waiting. I'd hide crying and scream in a pillow so not to be to loud so dad didn't shout.

I was told my face doesn't fit. My nick name was ferret face or panda. I would hurt my self so not to hurt others. I wanted and trained to be a counsellor so one to understand what I did wrong and two and most importantly to be there for the people who needed support.

I went to rehab to be identified when found so my parents wouldn't have to. If it wasn't for craig I doubt if be here.

Craig saved my life. Mum has always put others before me or ignored it so it didn't exist.

Important in here (ears) none important (over your head)

I was terrified everyday of my life. I loved and do love my parents it's just I can't stay quite any longer.

Money or game consoles chocolate sweets where hush money. Dad would buy crates of spirits and beer and supple my / his pills so I was always foggy minded.

I'm finally sober clean and harm free my mind is the most composed it ever been.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

Mum is a star and has a heart of gold to others but from age 7 onwards everyone else came first.

I pride my self on protecting, comforting trying to be there and support everyone, hell even risked my life enough times to save some. because I never had it. No one to fight for me protect me.

I wanted parents love encouragement happy I archived or even tried. But it never came.

Even my graduation was ruined.

I wasn't allowed to get a job they made me be sick and have PTSD mum still to this day loves to make me jump. I have terrifying nightmares.

I'd hear conversations no child should hear because they either didn't notice I was there or care. When ***** killed him self when *** did when dad tried and I was left with a random man being told "your dads took to many sweets"

The same man who later tried it on with me sending dirty pictures or dads other "mates" who would try there luck. I gained a shit ton of weight 21 stone so NO guy would come near me because the strangers who would come to the house used to try and feel me up or perv if door was unlocked as I was a kid.

She saw everything but wouldn't believe it. Or me. I phone our ***** one night years ago because she said I could and she yelled at me because she had work. I was silently screaming for help.

It was only at dads funeral she saw and realised and was so genuinely sorry for not believing me the night I phoned.

I wish every single thing I've said and keep telling was a lie but it's not it's 25/26 years of fear.

I'm 29 now. For the first time in my life im not on eggshells. I have a safe home. I can lock the door and not fear.

I wish these were lies I swear!!!!! I do but there not.

Yet NO ONE will even consider it's the TRUTH.

[the-firebird69]

Yeah several more things happening but he wants to get to the last coach LOL second to last but we know who that is and Hera wants to announce it

Thor Freya I said it too yes

Is that girl bothering you Non-Stop and she's small and they're saying it's Trump getting back at him and they did it with Dave yeah they don't remember it and they're kind of stupid that way and it's 21 now it is going on now this is all starting and the dick head is finally leaving and he does it back to them using their women I'm not sure what it looks like cuz that's what's happening and he goes around grabbing it from them eventually they figure out a way to get him to grab it from the pseudo empire it's because they have stuff and they don't have much and they're there so it goes on for a while and that guy's annoying he wants to go be a foyer and somebody give him something else to do if we can and they're looking at it. He's a jerky he needs to go and we don't know if he's going to make it to Utah. We don't think so. But his clan will near a bunch of assholes and see if the movies are dying all over the place out there and it's not really necessary but okay. So they head out and so forth but the other car is Rebecca doucet she took over Carmen's job years ago and started talking to me as if she was her and I said I know what happened to her you probably want to figure it out and she started to and said I don't know if I want to know and said mostly they do that stuff to you after she's gone and she said oh yeah that's what they're doing and she can't get out of the roll true too they forced her to do it because of money and stuff so she's really pissed off and horrible things have happened to her and the empire is doing it and she is going to make the car that they're already making and it's not much bigger than Kate Middleton's car no it is Kate Middleton has a vehicle and the Corolla is kind of big the mini is actually a mini and he buys it because it's brand new and it's like the only car dealer it's true and he's calling you The Italian Job and all sorts of things coming out of that guy. He's quiet about it and he has to be and he always has been so quiet he forgets about it and he makes it back but this car is larger than that one and it's larger than Kate Middleton's Cape Milton's car is odd looking and we're going to post it but it's bigger than the mini and he trades up for that here in town so he goes for food and stuff and he goes home and can't drive around but he gets a whole bunch of it and he has some income and eventually he moves because they try and raise the rent and we think that's why and he says no it's because they're bothering a crap out of him saying he's a rebel and he's not and he moves because the sewer is still messed up that's why he doesn't like driving through it cuz he has to go with a low part is and the assholes had all their vehicles there no that changes too so we're going to post Kate Middleton's car so we can get to this last one and it's not the last vehicle and she's is Sarah and she's secretly making it and it is not the tempest and it's not the international harvester it's a new car that's based on a British car

Hera

What kind of naming them the same thing that they were in the past and it works it's a nice way to do it

Sarah

I want to see how my car does and Trump is grading and stuff and really he's not around and it goes the other way and I hear that too and people think it's true because it's already happening

Becka

Won't stop us from trying it says that's what they expect and that's how they're doing it they're within their rights to stop you and that's what you fall for and he says that and it's true

Thor

They do that to him and it works

Olympus