#but really i hate galawain

[tarbuchyloewenthal]

oh

also vote for the Least Problematic God

you can check out the Least Problematic and Most Problematic polls from last year

[lae-zels]

finished avowed. it should have ended with the encounter in the garden. story is too stretched out after 3rd location. cleaning up the map as a competionist is a nightmare after shatterscarp. remove galawain's tusks and replace it with an expanded garden section, put more content in there. they literally hit you with mass effect's control, synthesis and destroy option lmao. kai's "romance" is misplaced and might as well have been a joke to specifically piss me off. player character can have just as much chemistry with giatta and yet she's unromanceable, literally what the fuck. marius' character is wasted, his story resolution too late and too unceremonious, his best moments are at camp which i feel like 70% of the people will miss (which is why i hate hearing people say he's boring bc he's literally not❗, but then i take him with me on a regular mission, outside of camp where he thrives, and i can't listen to him, he's like two different people when he's talking at me and then the companions in camp). your choices always matter up till you circle back to the first location, then they throw about 10 choices at you at once that you wont see reflected in the game world, just in the ending slides... sigh. stop siccing lodwyn at me, that's such a shitty fight. twice. girl. they should have let me fistfight sappy (literally or mentally; we were sorta having a mental battle but it should have been longer, have been more dramatic and should have had more stakes) or make woedica show up bc i beat the game on normal and i just suspended löd twice in the air and she persished. so underwhelming. also, lmao woedica gave me godlike powers out of nowewhere. my god now, lodwyn, fuck you. wish the woedica meddling went somewhere though. i didnt even use her boon bc i sneezed at the final boss and they died. anticlimactic. 6/10. will play it again to see other choices throughout the game but my only advice to players planning on picking this game up, don't clear out the map, it's not worth it. btw, i'm pretty sure there might be a lodwyn-envoy ending (which i got really close to, unintentionally) which im looking forward to doing, the scorched earth run, iykyk. would i recommend? eh, sure. if you like choices and consequences, not being handheld, a fun parkour system and hundreds of hidden locations to discover. 🍄👍

[dragonologist-phd]

pillars of eternity ask! 1, 11, 17 for desta and/or miervaldis :3

thank you!! i'll do them for both because i love talking about my kiddos!

1. what is your watcher's class? how does it relate to their backstory?

Desta is a Kind Wayfarer paladin! She was actually raised in one of Galawain's temples, and as a nature godlike had been told that he'd chosen her to become a priestess and do great things in his name.

In reality, she pushed back against a lot of his teachings- she appreciated the tenet of the strong protecting the weak, but hated how she saw that twisted into the strong having control over the weak. Her disagreements and resentment grew until she finally left, and drifted aimlessly through the Living Lands for a long while...until she ran into trouble on the road and was saved by a group of paladins. Their mission immediately rang true with her, and she joined up and never looked back. She took on jobs that carried her around the world, until she eventually took on a job as security for a caravan heading to the Dyrwood!

Miervaldis is a cleric of Berath. He's orginally from the White That Wends, and grew up surrounded by worship of rymrgand. The act of worship was always very peaceful for him, but he felt more drawn to Berath's teachings- acknowledging death, but also the life that came after. As he grew older he began receiving visions from Berath, and he fully embraced the role of their wandering prophet. It was one of these visions that led him to the Dyrwood, in what he would later consider to be an act of destiny.

11. who are your watcher's least favorite companions?

Desta would be hard pressed to call them her least favorite, because she tries really hard to see the best in everyone- but Durance pushes even her too far, especially with his obsession with the gods and how intent he is on pissing people off. In poe2 she butts heads with Maia a lot, given their very different views on how to handle just about every situation they come across

Miervaldis has lots of disagreements with Pallegina, most centered on their attitude toward the gods; they still have a lot of respect for each other in poe1, but in poe2 things get just get worse.

17. what is your watcher's opinion of animancy?

Academically, it doesn't interest her- Desta isn't a very bookish or scientific person. But she is very in favor of autonomy and believes that no knowledge should be hidden away. She has some reservations due to what she's seen people use it for, but ultimately she believes that sharing it with everyone will take power away from the dangerous people who want to hoard it for themselves.

Miervaldis is very wary of it, and thinks most people who try messing around with souls are too reckless to be trust with that kind of power- in his eyes, that's the realm of the gods, and it's irresponsible to jump into that area without fully knowing what you're getting into

[adozentothedawn]

Pillars of Eternity Weaving Project Summary

It is done. All 11 god symbols have been finished. I really never expected to actually finish this project when I started. I thought I’d make the first one and then just forget about it like I do with basically everything else. But against all odds I made all of them. Turns out online uni courses are a very good time to do some weaving.

I am earnestly proud of what I managed. And the difference really is stark from the first one and the last one. You can really see how the tapestries get tighter and bigger with each one. I have gotten better at this and that means more to me than just being better at weaving. As a former gifted kid I amsolutely have problem of If I don’t immediatly excell I will hate it forever and never touch it again which is absolutely what happened with any kind of needlework. The fact that I did this and that I got better at it means that this is a thing I can work against and win. I can do these things and I can do them well.

Now enough sentimental waxing, here’s what you all came for!

The work of 6 months. It really feels nice. And now in more detail, grouped in pairs with the original posts linked if you want to hear about them and how it was making them.^^

The First and The Last

Woedica and Eothas! Part 1 and Part 11. I almost feel sorry that hers turned out so much better than his. xD But progress was made, and I am very happy about it!

The Surprisingly Tortures Ones

Abydon and Hylea! The banes of my existence. Both stupidly hard in completely different ways. Both completely fcking up my math. You'd think they'd be the nice ones, but no.

The Surprisingly Manageable Ones

Magran, Skaen, Ondra. All bitches in their own right but shockingly easy to work with. Especially Magran and Ondra were still in the earlier phase of the project, which you can see in the sloppier shape from tying it off, but still they were far nicer to me than some of the others.

The Animal Bitches

Galawain and Rymrgand! Two terrible drama queens, but ones I was able to wrangle quite nicely. The Rymrgand one got a bit small because I didn't have a proper grasp on how to manage the scale yet but really he deserves it. Galawain got quite nice with the practice though.

The Anthropomorphic Horrors

Berath and Wael! Both very different but kind of creepy if ask me. Yes the Wael one giave me a headache trying to make it. Yes I had a lot of fun. The Berath one too got pretty nice even though I had to squish it a bit. Especially the scale worked really well in this one.

My Secret Announcement

Actually multiple announcements technically.

1. I have a new plaything!

A round loom.👀👀 It will take a while but intend to do the Eothas symbol again on this one.^^ And possibly more, but I'm not sure what yet.

2. After some personal projects I want to start a new Pillars project! I will do the Faction symbols from Deadfire.^^ I have no idea how yet because those are a whole lot more difficult, but I will.

3. Before I start this project I will do a single piece. Specifically this one:

Without the writing obviously, that wouldn't fit the loom. But I want to crown this project and I hope this will work as intend it.^^

The post isn't quite over yet, but tumbler's picture limit is screwing me over. I will make a reblog with the tapestries and the symbols for comparisons. But that's pretty much it for now! I hope you enjoyed seeing my progress and the tapestries!^^

[springacres]

1, 3, 18, 27, 49 for Ridanu? Either or both versions are good :D

I’ll do a Warden one eventually, but here’s my Watcher Ridanu infodump!

1. Age, Birthday, Star Sign       

Ridanu is 55 at the start of PoE 1.  His birthday is 1 Majestu.  Star sign would probably be Gemini according to the Western zodiac, although in personality he’s definitely closer to Libra, being open-minded, fair, and easygoing with an ability to see both sides of most situations and a tendency not to pass judgment until he’s fully investigated a situation.

3. Orientation and Relationship status (single, taken (by who?), crush (on who?))   

Ridanu is bi and probably also demi.  He’s currently single, but has a serious crush on Aloth.  He’s nowhere near ready to admit it though.  (but he will be once we get to Deadfire) 18. Have any special keepsakes?   

Ridanu has two whalebone carvings, one of a hound’s head that he wears on his wrist that was a gift from his father, and one of a songbird that was a gift from his mother.  (His father is a follower of Galawain, his mother a midwife.)  He also wears a bone bracelet carved in the symbol of Rikulhu, two snakes devouring each other.  He doesn’t consider himself a follower of any one god in particular, but Galawain, Hylea/Amira, and Berath/Rikulhu are the three he most favors.

27. What’s their family like? Who’s in it? What’s their relationship with them?   

Ridanu’s father is Aedyran, his mother from Vailia.  (How two wood elves from such different countries ended up in the Deadfire is something neither of them have ever explained to him, despite multiple attempts on his part to get a straight answer from either.  His only conclusion is that they must have fled their homelands, although recently he’s begun to suspect that his mother at least was a slave, given that wood elves are uncommon in either Old Vailia or the Republics.)  In spite of this, and his own desire to wander, he has remained close to them, sending letters home whenever he can.   

Since arriving in the Dyrwood, he has more or less adopted every companion except Durance as a surrogate sibling, surrogate parent, mentor, or mentee (or some combination of those roles.)  It would be fair to say of Ridanu that he collects outcast kith like Edér does pets - usually inadvertently, but with a tendency to refuse to abandon them once he’s met them.  (He’s the same way about outcast animals, actually, which is one reason he and Edér get along so well.)  He is currently trying to legally adopt Saeda Valtas, and frequently visits her to check on her welfare - he saw her father’s will leaving everything to the Knights if no one in the Valtas family survived, and besides, he doesn’t think a barracks is really a suitable place for a child.  He could not bring himself to kidnap Vela, but views her as his foster daughter of sorts and makes sure to check on her whenever he’s in Twin Elms. 

49. What are some themes tied to your character’s story?   

The main one is probably a sense of “otherness” and the need to find a place or group with which Ridanu can belong.  I am autistic and on the demi/ace spectrum myself, so I tend to create characters whose backgrounds or personalities give them the same sense of otherness I often feel in real-life social situations.  Coupled with that in Ridanu’s case, however, is a strong theme of loyalty to his companions and his principles of honesty, benevolence and justice.  (Even in cases where being honest or benevolent might get him into trouble.  He HATED having to bluff his way into Raedric’s keep and into the Abbey of the Fallen Moon, for instance.)

[orokin-made]

Watcher’s Opinions on the Gods

Tagged by @orime-stories, thank you!

This post contains a lot of spoilers for the events of both Pillars of Eternity games below, for anybody who would prefer to skip past it.

Watcher Elehal’s Thoughts on the Gods of Eora

1. Abydon: Honestly??? The only valid god. A real bro. Elehal inherited the work ethic of his artisan parents if nothing else, as well as a deep appreciation for their patron god. He keeps a copy of Daily Affirmations of Focus and Efficiency on him at all times, just to have around. Did you know Abydon’s the god of hope as well as hard work and skilled craft (and a bunch of other things)?? Hope and strength and aspiration, which are three things Elehal is absolutely about. He’s also closely associated with Magran so honoring him is kind of a roundabout way for him to feel closer to her.

2. Berath: On one hand, they seem pretty reasonable, as far as gods go, and the whole natural cycle of the Wheel thing makes sense, so he has mostly favorable views of the god of death. He really doesn’t appreciate having yet another god’s chime in him though, especially not one that’s actively being used to control him. He’ll cooperate on the whole Eothas thing because obviously that’s the larger threat that needs to be addressed, but he’s going to be kind of prickly about it.

3. Eothas: Disappointed, more than anything else. Eothas seems like he should be important to Elehal, redemption, rebirth, that whole cycle of life and death thing, and he’s one of the few gods who seem like they actually care about the goings-on in the mortal world. But then he went and destroyed the one place Elehal was actually starting to consider as a home, and killed countless people and used their souls as fuel all because he thought he deserved to decide what the “greater good” for Eora was. Admirable intentions maybe, unacceptable methods. Also you can’t just make that kind of decision for the entire world!! Even if you are a god!! Stop it!!

4. Galawain: What’s even his deal? He really hasn’t had much opportunity to interact or form an opinion on Galawain (I’m playing SSS this playthrough though, so that might change) He seems like kind of a dick though. Strength is for helping people, it’s a tool, not an end in and of itself.

5. Hylea: He’s a scholar and a musician, of course Hylea would be one of his favored gods. That doesn’t mean he feels obligated to keep a promise made to her if other options that feel more right are available though, unfortunately.

6. Magran:  Oh boy. Oh, buddy... When a god is so closely entangled with your own sense of self, having opinions about them becomes.....complicated. Whatever the gods are, whatever the relationship between them and the godlike really is, Magran is part of him. He can’t hate her. Even if it was just as a repository for a sliver of her essence, she chose him and that made him who he is. And being a godlike isn’t all bad, but it is a loooooooot of pressure to grow up with.

He said that Dari was different from other little boys. That he was special because his real mother was special, and so he was going to be bigger and stronger and smarter than all the other boys. Even Finn, Finn said. And what that meant, Finn said, was that Dari had to be better, too, he had to be kinder and gentler and braver, so he would deserve what his real mother had given him.

--GGK, The Wandering Fire

Obviously more is going to be expected from a child of the gods. Obviously different, higher standards apply to them than other kith. Especially if you’re a child of the goddess of conflict and trials, you have to push yourself harder than others do, you can’t let anything be too difficult or too much, ever. But also you have to be gentler and more careful around people, because otherwise they’ll be afraid of you, and you might hurt them, even if you don’t mean to.

Maybe he doesn’t agree with some of the things Magran stands for, maybe he thinks there’s other ways to grow besides constant testing, but still, at the end of the day all Elehal really wants is to hear her say she’s proud of what he’s done, that she made the right choice when she chose him.

7. Ondra: Elehal was a sailor before he was a Watcher and a Huana before that; the Lady of Lament has always been a prominent figure in his life. She’s just kind of... there? Like the sea is just there, you don’t have to have an opinion about it, it’s just.... there and you have to live with it. Even when she starts actually talking to him that doesn’t change much.

8. Rymrgand: I mean at least he’s upfront about his whole thing. He’s straightforward and Elehal can respect that, even if he sees the very concept of inevitability as more of a challenge than anything else. He’s probably come close to being killed by Rymrgand more times than by any other god, because no other god activates his “meet me in the pit motherfucker I will personally kick your ass” response as often or as reliably. 

Rymrgand: Magran come do something about your terrible child he’s tearing my realm apart AGAIN.

Magran, watching the whole thing with a bowl of celestial-soul-popcorn: I will not. Good for him :)

9. Skaen: hey what the fuck? Hey real quick though, what the fuck??

10. Wael: Liked him a whole lot better before the Forgotten Sanctum debacle. He’s a god of secrets and he’s kind of fun about it, what’s not to like? A biiiit too tied up with wizards and their creepy wizard business for comfort though.

11. Woedica:

[adraveins]

Okay, I’m thinking about Pillars/The Magnus Archives again because TMA is coming back soon, and I am VIBRATING with excitement and dread, so Watchers + their aligned and hated Fears:

Kit

Aesthetically, Kit is an odd Eye-Buried-Vast combination (uncovering knowledge and secrets, being watched + underground, small spaces, the center of all things + open spaces, the enormity of the universe, deep and wide things), which is interesting because the Vast and the Buried are opposites.

But she’d be an avatar of the Eye, because of the cipher analogue and the fact that gathering knowledge is her thing. She’d fear the Web and the Spiral the most (being controlled, having no free will + losing one’s mind, not being able to trust one’s senses).

She would make a perfect Archivist, in other words. This is hysterical to me because she HATES Wael (at least, after she learns the truth about the gods and realizes that Wael is just Engwithan Propaganda), and Wael is the obvious Eye analogue. She would definitely think that the Eye is less of a slimy fraud than Wael, even if it is malevolent.

And for the record, the god she’s closest to in her “canon” is Eothas, and he is absolutely the Extinction analogue (catastrophic change, replacement of old with new), and Kit would make one HELL of an Extinction avatar.

Hakona

Hakona, meanwhile, is aesthetically a Hunt-Desolation combination (being hunted, the chase, violence + loss and pain, burning, destruction), which go together pretty well.

But she’d be an avatar of the Hunt, because that’s primarily how she operates in the world. She’d fear the End the most, and the Lonely just a tad (death + isolation and disconnection).

And yet, while she does revere Galawain in her “canon,” and Galawain is the obvious Hunt analogue, her primary shifting dynamics with the gods involving moving away from Magran, the closest Desolation analogue, and towards Berath, because she’s trying to deal with the concept of death in a more healthy way by the time Deadfire rolls around.

But TMA doesn’t really have a good analogue for Berath, because the End is more of a Rymrgand kind of death.

[dyrwoodan]

Dyrcap, Golden Celery, and Skaenbone for Wren and Kaz! 💙😊

thank youuu ffion 💖

Dyrcap: The Dozens, House Doemenel, or the Crucible Knights?

wren: wren fucking Hated having to go ask for any of them for help. they had some minor interaction with the dozens after which they realized the dozens are just some assholes and they never interacted with them again. they were aware of house doemenel’s shady business so they didn’t even bother getting involved with them. well, their last option - the knights. wren spoke to them and they didn’t strike them as complete bastards so they agreed to help them with their little project. wren hated it and hated getting involved after it all ended how it ended but hey! they had allies now!

kaz: house doemenel. he never even interacted with the dozens or the knights. he managed to get on house doemenel’s good side by an accident and with a dash of dumbassery. a pinch of tomfoolery. (he hasn’t been in a big city in a while and he started going around the shops. he came across a shop with an Amazing Beautiful Exquisite bow. he had to have it but it was too expensive. this will be important later) as he was exploring defiance bay he walked into this seemingly abandoned house which was occupied by some hired thieves. he overhears them talking about the doemenels and lord reymont so it’s then obvious who hired them. after taking care of them he goes directly to the doemenel mansion and he is like Hey, i took care of your thieves and found this funny note, if you let me work for you and i will get a cut i won’t report this to reymont and you will get your jewel! so he does their job for them and they even agree to work together. and he buys the bow. later when he needs allies for the hearings he just asks his pal abrecan and it’s all good

Golden Celery: Which of the game one companions were in your Watcher’s main party? Are there any members in the party that you ship your Watcher with?

wren: edér, aloth, kana, sagani, hiravias/palleginakaz: edér, aloth, kana, sagani, hiravias/devil of carocneither of them really… dislikes anyone? mostly they all get along fine.wren feels the closest to edér, aloth, kana and sagani. they have nothing against hiravias or pallegina. wren is there for all of their companions even if they aren’t close friends. they never met durance or grieving mother (gm yes but i never finished her personal quest so idk what is up with her). they are not a fan of devil of caroc. they liked maneha. let’s say they didn’t meet zahua because i never did his personal quest either so,, idkkaz keeps everything skin-deep so he didn’t feel close to Anyone but. he liked edér and sagani… both kinda mom friends to him. he and aloth had a crush on each other but they never really acted on it because they were Dumb and Oblivious. kaz doesn’t really get kana and pallegina but he tolerates them. he liked hiravias and devil of caroc as well. other dispositions are the same as wren’s.

Skaenbone: Ultimately, which of the God’s of Eora did your Watcher side with in the Council of Stars quest?

wren: hylea. initially wanted to get galawain’s help because he was the patron of the hunt and wild places around which wren’s life used to revolve. but they didn’t vibe with him as much when they actually spoke to him. so they talked to all of the gods and hylea seemed to them personally like the best choice. they agreed to hylea’s proposition because it’s what wren wanted to do anyway.kaz: rymrgand. kaz only spoke to rymrgand since he wasn’t particularly interested in the other gods and just wanted to get this over with. and he vibed with rymrgand the most anyway. however, he didn’t give much thought to what rymrgand asked of him until he had to make the choice. after a bit of consideration he still decided to disintegrate the souls tho. seemed to him like the most sensible choice. he didn’t really feel like… manipulating the souls in any way. not by returning them to the bodies and not by returning them to the wheel. he firmly believes that people shouldn’t fuck around with souls. so he was like. ok. disintegration won’t do any harm i guess. seems safe.

flora of eora asks! 🍄

[secretsfromwholecloth]

Deadfire, day 4.

Whoo, got in. There was going to be some screaming if I couldn’t.

Eat my entire ass, Wael.

...and the game crashed as I was leaving. Five or six times, even, before the game decided to behave itself. Wael’s revenge, clearly. Coño.

Aw, Tuaha survived. Honestly, I was more invested in getting her killed than Harama—Clario and Ikawha getting assassinated bothers me more than Ruānu, honestly.

I always do like banging out all the Concelhaut stuff early, before I get the visit from Llengrath, so I can say hi to her and Tayn in the scrying pool.

Sikkerneq has now been propositioned by both Xoti and Tekēhu and had to turn them both down. I’m really getting nervous now, especially considering that I’ve probably left Aloth out of the party too long to ever get him to +2 approval and unlock his romance. If I end up missing out on the chance to romance anyone this playthrough because my chosen love interest decided to be fussy and I turned down other opportunities (particularly Xoti, who wouldn’t mind me siding with the RDC) to wait for her, I will be slightly annoyed.

Fleet Master Wakoyo pronouncing “Ofecchia” more like “Offechina” still mildly annoys me (there is no n there! none! where is he getting this?!), but hey, what impetus does an RDC functionary have to pronounce Vailian names correctly?

I’m not normally stupid enough to keep Maia and Tekēhu in the party together, so they have a lot of banter that I’m seeing for the first time. Including the one about Tekēhu’s tentacles making lewd gestures at Maia.

Pallegina, be nice to Edér; he may lack your education, but he does actually have a functioning brain in his head.

Scyorielaphas has been cut free and part of his soul kept for the Watershapers, as usual. Because really, why only have one quest that amounts to “let’s horrify Tekēhu with the actual state of the world compared to the lies he was told” when you can have two?

Awww, Maia apologized to Tekēhu and they made up. Thanks, you two, that was getting awkward.

To Sayuka, then. Let’s bang this out so we can get to the really fun stuff.

Serafen’s quest is done. Poor bastard. But Serafen, please don’t yell at Sikkerneq, she never actually agreed to help the slavers, and I think you’ll like what she does with them when you get there.

Ooh, Rekke speaks Aedyran now. Let’s break for some cute.

Given everything we now know about the history of Yezuha and all of his dialogue throughout the DLCs, I suspect the singular God of Yezuha is just the gods of Engwith viewed as aspects of a single deity rather than separate beings. I’m open to being proven wrong, though. (Especially through the medium of a third game, ahem, Obsidian.)

“This defiance will be your last” my ass. Eat a dick, Galawain, and not the fun kind. And we’ll be seeing each other again on Kazuwari.

A junk has been acquired and named The Almond of the World. (Totally meaningless brownie points to anyone who gets the references in my ship names.) Junks are expensive as Hel, but they’re good ships, they give me an excuse to hire and experience more sailors, and I like the positions the companions stand in on a junk better than on a galleon (Konstanten and Fassina can overhear each other’s conversations with you, for one).

Maia’s quest is done. Atsura has been given a stern talking-to about sending her to assassinate civilians, and mademoiselle’s romance finally started. Whew. Really, Maia, we’re getting towards the late game here.

Ishiza has been fed well. And talked to. Really, Hylea. Really.

All of this was in the doorway to Atsura’s office, for the record. I’d almost rather the hazanui—Atsura’s got to be one of the biggest boner-kills in the Deadfire.

Fassina has been acquired, finally. Good thing I remembered now rather than leaving it for when she’s level 20 with no points in Athletics, leaving her permanently unable to use Second Wind, which I tend to rely heavily on so I can worry less about healing.

The sandswept ruins are still bullshit and I hate them, but loading Sikkerneq up with Mechanics and keeping Maia and her 17 Perception in the party meant I was able to disarm enough traps to get through the place pretty much unscathed.

Ori o Koīki sure is...colorful. Yes. That’s the word.

Aloth’s quest is done. You keep doing the thing, Aloth. But maybe keep in mind how complex this project is.

To Crookspur! Hey, Serafen, want to help murder some slavers?

Mmmmmmmurder. Maia got the killing blow on Master Kua with an empowered attack that also helped her level up her soulbound gun. Multitasking!

Kana! Oh, Kana, it’s good to see you. I’m sure your sister agrees. Learn anything interesting in your travels?

Oh, that’s where Ruasāre disappeared to. Huh.

Next up, Ashen Maw, I think. I’m getting to the “running low on stuff to do” point.

[queen-scribbles]

Shallow

For @pillarspromptsweekly #69. Another Roll for It where I picked my elements (Ondra, snow, reunion). This is an idea I’ve been sitting on for a really long time (almost a year), so it ran away with me a bit.*cough* almost 4k *cough*

‘A single strike upon the crystal will not be enough. The Eyeless respond only as long as the hammer rings. You will need to remain until their work is complete, wielding the hammer until the walls come crumbling down.’

Ondra’s words stuck in Emiri’s head, circling like a school of frightened fish. She knew what they meant.

‘You will need to remain...’

Her breath caught shallow in her throat, and if not for Pallegina, she would have been crushed by the Eyeless that lumbered around the corner. The sharp jerk sideways snapped Emiri out of her stupor and she scrambled to contribute to the  ensuing fight. But she still wasn’t all there, lingering on the goddess’ words. She knew somehow, despite Edér’s dark humored comment, crushing would not be how she’d go. Not her, Ondra’s least favorite child for reasons Emiri had never figured out.

‘Your sacrifice will be mourned.’

No, if Ondra had any say in it, Emiri would survive the crushing to drown when the moon fragment filled with water. Just the thought of it made her heart pound and blood run cold.

‘Your fate is already sealed.’

She must not have done a good job hiding her distress, because they hadn’t progressed too much further toward their goal when there was a hand on her arm.

“Are you alright?” Aloth asked, then huffed a small laugh though his nose.  “Considering.”

Emiri winced as she paused to answer, both at being so easily read, and at the purplish-blue bruise forming under his eye. “Considering, yes. I’ve always suspected Ondra hated me. Never expected to have proof.” She managed a ghost of a smile. “What can you do when the world needs saving?”

‘You have seen what they will do. This is the way you can stop them.’

“Emiri...” Aloth sighed. He knew she wasn’t telling him everything; she could see it on his face. Sometimes it was an annoyance to have a friend who knew her so damn well.

“It’s fine, Aloth. We should keep moving. I doubt the Eyeless will stand around idle to await their destruction.” Emiri rolled her shoulders, Abydon’s hammer seeming heavier than before, and pressed on. 

‘This is the way you can stop them.’

That would be worth it, right? Saving the world, protecting her friends, that was worth a death from her darkest nightmares. She could do this.

‘Your sacrifice will be mourned.’

Suddenly she was twelve again, shackled and trapped inside a cabin slowly filling with water. Icy fear worming in the base of her skull.

They all but walked into the next trio of Eyeless and Emiri threw herself at them with a scream of helpless frustration. She let her terror and dread fuel her abilities, trying to inflict just a fraction on the remorseless monsters who’d put her in this position. They proved largely resistant to cipher powers, her one moment of triumph coming when she made a mace-handed one attack a lance-armed compatriot zeroing in on Hiravias.

“Thanks, Watcher!” he laughed, flashing her a toothy grin as he flung out a small ball of fire that leapt between all three of the monstrosities.

Emiri nodded wordlessly, dodging a lance thrust, and slammed her hammer against the Eyeless’ leg.

The fight dragged on longer than expected--Abydon made the Eyeless well--and all of them needed a rest after this last fight. So they tucked themselves in a small alcove and took a few minutes to catch their breath.

Hiravias plunked himself down next to Emiri and gave her a dark smile as he held out his jerky to share. “It’s fun when the gods decide you’re special, isn’t it?”

“Oh, yes, I’m enjoying myself immensely,” Emiri sighed. The light of her halo rippled. “Everyone acts like it’s such an honor to draw the attention of the gods, but...”

“Sometimes you wish they’d shut up and leave you alone?” he supplied, biting off a mouthful of jerky.

“Exactly.” She leaned forward and braced her elbows against her knees. “It’s more a burden than anything.”

“They do have a funny way of showing their regard,” Hiravias agreed. He scratched idly at the scars covering half his face. “Galawain saw fit to make me far less handsome, and Ondra’s outright trying to kill you.”

“That’s nothing new,” Emiri said with a grim almost-smile. “Ondra’s had it in for me since I was eight. Guess she regretted favoring me with her touch.”

“If she’s been after you since you were eight, you’re more resilient than I thought.”

She arched an eyebrow. “Thank you?”

“I already knew you were tough as shit, Watcher,” he clarified, wolfing down the rest of his jerky in two mouthful. “This just adds to it.”

She laughed quietly. “Well, in that case, a more definite thank you.” She sighed. No point in delaying the inevitable. “We should get moving again” --she turned to the rest of the group--”if everyone’s ready?”

There were nods and murmurs of assent from the others. Trying to ignore the nerves fluttering in her chest, Emiri pushed to her feet and led the way further into the fragmented moon.

They passed through another open chamber with a pool of cold, still water at the center, and Emiri couldn’t stop herself from peering into its depths. She half expected to see more of Ondra’s Hair, come to double down on shallow, emotionless promises her sacrifice would be mourned. But there was nothing aside from the flash of scales as lagufaeth darted in and out of view. She wasn’t sure if that was more disappointment or relief.

She wasn’t given long to dwell on it; there were several more groups of Eyeless to fight and she was determined not to split her focus anymore. These fights went much better, though it was still frustrating that they were all but immune to her cipher abilities. Emiri wound up largely just supporting and protecting her friends as they dealt with the creatures.

It was almost a relief--in a perverse, twisted sense--that the last obstacle between them and the crystal column was a kraken. Emiri was far from eager to reach the end of this road, but it was good to have a foe she could actually fight and contribute more than shielding her friends. The fight was still far from easy, but at at last the gigantic beast sank lifeless beneath the surface. They dispatched the pair of Eyeless that lumbered up with only slightly more difficulty, and then it was time. No more delays.

‘Your fate is sealed.’

Emiri looked at her friends, breath coming fast and shallow as it sank in this might be the last time she saw them. She would try to get out once everything came crashing down--why start passively accepting death now?--but wasn’t optimistic about her chances.

‘Your sacrifice will be mourned.’

Yes, but not by you. Emiri had no illusions Ondra actually cared. It would be her friends, the kith who had followed her down here, battered, bruised, and in a couple cases bleeding. They would be doing the mourning. Not some distant uncaring god.

“Miri? You alright?” Edér nudged her arm. “You usually only go all quiet like that when you’re havin’ one of your Watcher moments.”

“Just... collecting my thoughts,” she said softly. Abydon’s hammer was heavy on her back, heavier in her hands as she walked closer and sized up the crystal column. “This... isn’t easy.”

Water filling her mouth, the surface was too far no matter how hard she kicked. The nightmare was real this time, ready to swallow her whole.

“Let me.”

Emiri was so absorbed in fighting through through the fear that it took a couple heartbeats to realize someone had spoken. Someone had offered to take her place.

It took a couple more to realize it had been Aloth, one hand already wrapped around the hammer’s haft so she couldn’t swing it.

“No.” Every fiber of her being, down to the depths of her soul, twisted in vehement rebellion at the thought of asking him--letting him--do this. She pulled the hammer toward her chest, trying to dislodge his grip. “Absolutely not! This is-”

The words stuck in her throat. Terrifying. Necessary. Something I have to do.

Aloth didn’t let go. He met her gaze, eyes somber but glinting with determination at least the match of hers. “I know how much this... fate frightens you,” he said softly. “You told me, under the abbey.”

Emiri snorted and tugged on the hammer again. “I also told you it wasn’t a death I would wish on my worst enemy or strangers who hadn’t done anything to me. Do you really think it’s something I can condemn my best friend to?”

“You’re not.” Something flickered in his eyes, but he squared his shoulders and maintained his dogged grip on the hammer. “Emiri, I... I have had many decisions made for me in my life, followed orders I neither understood not questioned. This is different. This is my choice.”

“But-” The words wouldn’t come, jamming against each other, caught on the lump in Emiri’s throat. She couldn’t let him do this, couldn’t risk losing him. It should be her, was supposed to be her.

“You are the only one who can stop Thaos, Watcher,” Aloth pointed out, emphasizing the word even as she flinched. “Even aside from my more personal reasons, the world still needs you.”

But I need you. She didn’t say it. Didn’t let go of the hammer either. “Aloth...”

“I’ll not be far behind you,” he said, but she could feel the waver in his soul. He only half-believed the words even as he spoke them. “I have warding spells that can help. And I do, in fact, know how to swim.”

Well, that was one he had on her. Emiri finally, reluctantly, loosened her grip. “If you’re sure...”

“I am.” Aloth wrapped both hands around the hammer haft. He got a good grip, took a step closer to the crystal.

“Oh, wait!” Emiri sniffled, darting to where the others silently waited. She tugged Kana over and dug through his pack until she found the diving helmet Mylla had told her about. It was too small for her, so she wasn’t going to bother, but maybe for an elf... “Never hurts to improve your odds, right?” she said, trying for light-hearted.

Aloth nodded and mustered a smile. “Thank you. You... you should start on your way out. I have a feeling it will not be easy.”

The knot in her chest tightened further and her breath came short and sharp. I can’t- Strangling off the sob that was trying to escape, she pulled him into a hug, hammer and all, tight enough his knuckles dug into her ribs. “You better not be far behind,” she murmured fiercely before letting go.

If he wasn’t, if Ondra took the best friend she’d had in her life, Emiri was fully prepared to storm the Beyond itself to make the Sea Queen fix it.

But it wouldn’t come to that, because he was going to escape, she told herself firmly as she rejoined the others. She refused to let herself dwell on any other outcome. “Let’s go,” she said brusquely, heading back for the embankment they’d slid down to get in. “It’ll get much harder once he starts.”

Aloth gave them just enough time to scale the embankment before the first clear--almost beautiful--ring of hammer against crystal resounded through the cavern. It pierced through Emiri’s heart, and if it weren’t for Kana and Pallegina tugging her arms she would have frozen on the spot. A second clear tone resonated, and the ground trembled.

They ran.

No looking back, it would hurt too much, just forward, forward, forward. Up a tunnel as the walls cracked, past the pool where she’d glimpsed lagufaeth as rocks fell from the ceiling.

And slap-bang into the first of the Eyeless as the path crumbled at the edges. Emiri felt as the creatures’ focus shifted from answering the hammer’s summons to this more immediate annoyance. Before they could fully bring their attention to bear, she lashed out, one of the charms she hated to use flying from her lips. These were vessels, not kith, and her friends were in danger. To her surprise it actually worked this time, and her vicious Not us, them had a large knot of the Eyeless attacking their fellows.

“Come on,” she hissed, leading the way past the distracted monsters. That charm wouldn’t last long, and then they would resume their inexorable march toward the still-ringing crystal. As long as there wasn’t anything closer at hand to capture their attention.

They ran on, as the hammered crystal tone rose and swelled behind them. It was louder now, aided by the Eyeless who had reached the cavern. Emiri wondered if it was hurting Aloth’s ears with how close he was. They passed more Eyeless as they scrambled through the crumbling tunnels, but these were too entranced by the resonating crystal tone, almost deafening now, to be much of a threat.

At least Ondra was right about that, Emiri thought dryly as she dodged an idle swipe from a lance-armed Eyeless. She almost tripped over Hiravias a few seconds later when he rolled into her path avoiding a mace-handed one. The tunnels were narrowing, which meant they were getting close to the entrance.

A particularly large chunk of the ceiling crashed down behind them, almost grazing Kana’s back and startling a curse out of Edér. Emiri cringed as she wondered how much worse it was at the heart of all this destruction.

Pallegina blurted something in Vailian and pointed ahead. “Look!”

There was light. Dim and flicking, but there. They were almost out. Almost safe. They rounded the final bend just as a fresh cascade of stone and debris tumbled into the opening as the moon fragment gave a violent lurch. The path wobbled and dropped from under them and another sound filtered up under the din of ringing crystal.

Rushing water.

Fear prickled up Emiri’s spine and she willed herself not to think about anything beyond clearing those rocks. No flashbacks, no thinking about Aloth. Just getting the rest of them out of here. Even as she opened her mouth to see if anyone could take care of it, Hiravias’ voice rose in a familiar spell. A pair of boulders flew from his outstretched hand and smashed through the rubble.

He fell behind, limping, as they resumed their retreat, and Emiri dropped back to grab his arm and pull him up. She heard him hiss out a pained curse and boosted him high enough to wrap his arms around her neck as she ran. Ionni Brathr was already trying its damnedest to claim one of her friends, it couldn’t have another.

They all tumbled free of the rotating moon fragment, feet skidding as they hit the ice. A thunderous crash echoed out behind them and the ice started to splinter with long, jagged cracks. Emiri balled her hands into fists as she scanned for a safe path across.

Must be chest high or deeper by now... She viciously pushed away the thought as Kana’s rich baritone rose in competition with nature itself, lending speed to their feet through song.

It wasn’t until the sting of wind hit her face that Emiri realized she was crying. She swiped at the frozen tears as she ran, bringing up the rear thanks to the added weight of an orlan clinging to her back. There was a loud groan behind her as the moon turned and sank yet further.

Don’t look back. She was almost to the shore. The others had made, Edér and Pallegina each holding out a hand as they hollered encouragement.

A crack rent the air just behind her and ice shards stung the back of her legs. Usher spare us all. 

Her last first steps punched partway through the weakened ice, sending her and Hiravias tumbling into the snow. Emiri muddled her way up to her knees and stared back the way they’d come. Only the moon’s tip was visible above the surface now. She watched it sink through blurry eyes, barely registering when Edér and Kana each rested a hand on her shoulders. Pushed to her feet as the ripples faded, wading into the shallows as the icy water lapped over the tops of her boots. As if there was anything she could do. A shiver raced through her and Emiri hugged her arms in close, nails digging into her coat until she could feel them through the leather and fur as she poured all her focus into a single word.  Please.

One heartbeat.

Two.

Three.

At five the tears started running again and her chest heaved, teetering on the verge of a sob. No, Usher, please. Please don’t....

There was a sharp crack, loud in the silence,even though it paled next to the cacophony of a few moments ago. Emiri swiveled toward the sound just in time to see an arm punch through the ice.

Please.

She was already moving in that direction, frozen fingers tugging open the clasps on her coat, when Aloth’s head came into view and he started pulling himself out of the icy water. Emiri dropped to her knees and skidded across the last couple feet of the ice floe to help him. She hauled him up running on pure adrenaline and bundled him in her heavy, fur-lined coat as he finally released his death grip on his grimoire.

He was alive. Soaked to the bone, shaking from the cold, and sporting several additional bruises and cuts, but alive.

Thank you, Emiri thought fervently in the direction of whichever god or force of nature had answered her as she wrapped Aloth in a hug. “What happened to warding spells?” she asked with a shaky laugh, joy and relief bubbling in her chest. “You’re almost the same color as me.”

Aloth smirked at the weak joke. “They only lasted about two thirds of the way up. And it’s nigh impossible to cast underwater.” He shivered. “If we could perhaps move off the ice...?”

“Oh, of course!” Emiri carefully pushed to her feet and helped him up. His hair was starting to freeze, she realized, and belatedly tugged the hood of her coat up over his head. “I still can’t believe...”

“Neither can I,” Aloth admitted as he bent to pick up his grimoire. “Especially after the first surge of water carried away the helmet.”

“I don’t care,” Emiri said frankly through a hiccuping sob-laugh, hugging him again. “Gods, I don’t care, Aloth, I...”

He wrapped his free arm around her in return. “I know.”

By this point, Edér and Kana had traversed the much safer shore to reach them and begun cautiously making their way out onto the ice. Edér grinned cheerfully and quipped, “Hey, look who’s back from the dead.”

Aloth rolled his eyes as he stepped back from Emiri. “I wasn’t-”

“You were as good as,” Edér cut him off, grin spreading wider when the only response that got was another eyeroll. “C’mon, Pallegina’s tryin’ to start a fire for while she sees what’s up with Hiravias’ leg.”

That sounded wonderful to Emiri, and she wasn’t the one who was soaked head to toe standing on a crack-riddled chunk of ice. All four started to head toward their friends, but Emiri was distracted as the water in the hole rippled violently. She froze, thanks to curiosity more than the weather, and noted in her peripheral Kana had as well. 

He edged closer to her as a lagufaeth popped out of the water, its red and gold scales shimmering in the morning sun. It eyed her with far more intelligence than wilder creatures usually displayed. A familiar intelligence, she realized.

Emiri squinted at the lagufaeth. Exandru...?

It squawked and dropped Abydon’s hammer--she hadn’t even noticed that was gone, too--on the ice ‘Our debt for our freedom is repaid by your friend’s life, Watcher.’ shimmered through her mind.

She nodded and the lagufaeth gave a disgruntled hiss before diving back in the still-trembling water. Still-trembling? She frowned. The lake should be settling by now. She was too drained to deal with anything else weird, they needed to get back to Stalwart--

The fragment of Ionni Brathr rose back out of the lake, the large swaths of broken ice knit back together, and the Eyeless spiraled out to demand explanations for the attempt at their destruction.

Emiri was only too happy to point the finger at Ondra, both for painting the destruction as necessary and corrupting their purpose in the first place. Only too happy to agree some things--like the Engwithan culture--were worth preserving (Kana’s gushing may have tempered her feelings on that subject). Only too happy to encourage they reform Abydon, memory intact, and preserve history once more. Only too happy to part peacefully, no need for conflict, hopefully now in the good graces of at least one god.

She and Kana stood for a long moment in silence after the Eyeless retreated. Then he wrapped an arm comfortingly around her shoulders and guided her back to join their friends.

They took a much-needed but abbreviated rest as Pallegina checked Hiravias’ leg--his knee was badly bruised from falling rock,would hurt to walk on for a while, but no permanent damage--before striking out for Stalwart. Under other circumstances, maybe they would have camped near the lake and dealt with the cold, but Emiri would be damned if she let Aloth freeze to death after he narrowly escaped drowning. She and Kana and Edér traded off carrying Hiravias piggyback. Hiravias grumbled abundant displeasure with this arrangement--especially on Edér’s turns--but even he acknowledged it was the best option.

It took until early evening to reach Stalwart, and it wasn’t until they were safely ensconced in one of the finest rooms the Gréf’s Rest had to offer that Emiri’s heart slowed and she allowed herself a deep breath. They were all alive. Despite the long odds and Ondra’s somber pronouncements, no one had died, a fact that left her shaky with relief.

“I never said thank you,” she commented quietly to Aloth as the two of them sat near-but-not-too-near the fire, nudging his foot with hers.

He smiled, shifted the mug of tea he was nursing. “It was implied.”

“No.” Emiri shook her head, staring at a long scrape that disappeared up his sleeve. “You were willing to die for me, simply because you know that death scares me more than any other. Implied thanks is not good enough.” She held his gaze. “Thank you, Aloth.”

He looked ready to protest, but instead took a long drink of his tea before simply saying, “You’re welcome.” A beat. “It was the least I could do.”

She snorted and shot him a skeptical look. “Pretty sure that rates a little higher than the least, no matter how much you think I’ve done for you.”

Aloth smiled at her again over the rim of his mug. “Agree to disagree.”

She was too tired and too grateful to have this debate with him(again), so Emiri simply shrugged and curled her hands tighter around her own mug of tea.  “Warm yet?”

Aloth looked down at his hands, seemed gratified there wasn’t any more blue tingeing his fingernails, and nodded. “Getting there.”

“Good.”

They lapsed into silence after that, both too tired to do more than simply enjoy each others’ company. Because they were alive and they could.

It was a very good feeling.

[captainofthefallen]

30 Day Watcher Challenge- Day 15

Prompt list here 

15. decisions, pt. 3 – act III & IV: what does your watcher think of twin elms? which of the gods do they turn to at teir evron, and how do they feel about receiving divine support? how do they feel about the final confrontation with thaos? what do they ultimately decide to do with thaos, iovara, and the souls at sun in shadow?

She thinks for a moment. “I really think I should go back there,” she says at last. “You can’t really appreciate a place when the entire time you’re there you keep seeing things out of the corner of your eye, you’re terrified you’ll go mad before you can save the world or yourself, you can’t sleep anymore because of the nightmares, and you’re finally remembering what your past life did that was so awful and, well, let’s just say I just about threw up.” She takes a deep breath. 

“Sorry, that was a lot. Twin Elms was not a fun time for me. It was beautiful, of course, and under any other circumstances I would’ve loved the opportunity to learn about Glanfathan culture, but as it was… I was barely holding together. I think having my friends at my back was the only thing keeping me sane. Edér and Aloth especially, I couldn’t… well. When we heard Awakenings couldn’t be undone, the only thing that kept me from breaking down right there was that I could focus on worrying about Aloth. But really, that entire conversation with the delemgan was… while it was my last shred of hope, it was also… really, really unsettling.”

You ask how--what did the delmgan tell her?

“They said my only hope was to pray for help.” She sighs. “You know how I feel about most of the gods, so I’m sure you can imagine how well that went over. But in the end I decided to treat it just as I would asking for help from another person. So I talked to all of them. Just to figure out what my options were. And in the end, I was glad. It was sort of… I was able to get a fuller picture by getting each of their perspectives.

“As for deciding whose position to support, well. Ondra, Skaen, and Rymrgand were out just on principle. Ondra and I will never agree on anything, because I’m stubborn that way, she tried to kill me, and I hate her guts. If she even has guts. Anyway. I considered Berath’s suggestion, I considered it long and hard, but in the end… I wanted to do something good. Something that would help, that would make a difference. So it came down to Hylea, or Galawain, Magran, and Abydon.” She runs a hand through her hair. “Abydon’s my favorite, and at the time I was a little bit… shall we say peeved at Hylea because she wouldn’t give Pallegina the answers she wanted. Galawain’s never done anything to piss me off, and I talked to them before I truly figured out Magran was conspiring with Woedica, though I had my suspicions. In the end, the deciding factor was something Berath said to me. I asked why returning the souls to the Wheel would be better than returning to their bodies, and Berath… Berath said that they were… frayed. Battered, damaged, suffering. Of course, I didn’t know if it was true, but it made sense. I felt what it was like, someone having their soul ripped out by that machine. I couldn’t imagine that anyone could go through that and not have… lasting damage, you know?” She sighs.

“Returning the souls to their bodies just sounded… too good to be true, really. And in the end, I decided that using their essence to strengthen the rest of the Dyrwood was less of a risk.” She drops her head into her hands. “Gods, it sounds so damn cold when I say it like that. Like I wasn’t agonizing over it all the way into Sun in Shadow. Like I just took hold of the threads of fate and played god for a moment. And really, that’s what I did. But I didn’t do it lightly.”

Tirsa crosses to sit beside her, resting a hand on her knee. “You did the only thing you could, Mara,” she says quietly. She looks up at you. “I believe what she intends to say is, returning the souls to the Hollowborn risked doing more harm. If they returned to their bodies broken, screaming in agony from being flayed alive for anywhere as long as years, it would destroy their families. Galawain’s way… the souls remained lost, but those who remained found the courage and the strength they needed to face it. Do you understand?”

You nod slowly, mulling it over for a moment before you ask your next question. What of Thaos?

She takes another deep breath, a bitter smile on her face. “He failed,” she says simply. “Hundreds of lifetimes of memories, of planning and scheming and preparing, and he failed. I destroyed him,” she adds. “For a moment, down there in the dark, I pitied him. And I know enough of him to know that he would have hated it. But letting him return to the cycle was too great a risk. How many lifetimes had his memories returned to him? If the gods wanted it badly enough, they could have done it again. There would be no peace for him. So I reached into his soul, and I willed it into dust.” She meets your eyes, and there’s something cold and serious in hers. “His existence was dedicated to the preservation of one secret. He’s destroyed civilizations, tortured, killed, stolen the souls of children, all for this one goal. So that no one would learn the truth.”

Tirsa touches her arm. “My dear, you are being dramatic.”

She gives a wry smile. “Well, it deserves a little drama. Thaos’ secret was that the gods didn’t make kith. Kith made the gods.” She shakes her head. “He thought--so many of his people, really, even my past life, thought that kith would be worse if they knew. He told me all the false gods of the time, all the terrible things kith did in their names, and I look at kith today and ask how this is any better. Kith find excuses to do terrible things all the time. But maybe… maybe if there were no gods, at least some of them would take responsibility for their own damn actions. The Eothasian Purges. Those who believed in light and redemption, slaughtered because kith thought Magran wanted them to.” She shakes her head again, touching a hand to her forehead. “I keep coming back to this, I know, but it’s the same way in my thoughts. Maybe nothing would change. But--thinking a little selfishly for a moment--if there were no gods, I wouldn’t be on the hit list of at least one incredibly powerful, dangerously flawed being. So there’s that.”

You ask about the past self she mentioned, and the terrible things she did. How did she come to terms with it?

“I betrayed my sister to Thaos. I gave her to him, I watched her broken on the wheel, every bone in her body broken, some shattered, and I did it all because I was afraid. Because I was afraid of the truth.” She sighs. “There is no coming to terms with that, really. But I’ve learned from it. I’ve accepted that it wasn’t me, that there’s nothing I can do to change it, and I’ve accepted Iovara’s forgiveness, but… well, maybe, once, I would have wished I could forget. The look on her face as her eyes met mine, just looking at me from that wheel. But I can’t. And I wouldn’t choose to even if I could.” She looks at you. “She’s still there, you know. In that soul prison, in Sun in Shadow. And if the day ever comes when the gods can’t stop me, I’ll go back for her. I’ll release her. Because she was my sister. She deserves peace.” Another bitter smile. “Or maybe it’s me who needs peace. Maybe she’s fine where she is and I’m just projecting my own guilt onto her. But I’ll do it anyway. Because if nothing else, she deserves a choice.”

[dragonologist-phd]

"Let me ask the prophetess Memory" for Nona? Or Desta, if Nona doesn't feel it.

“Let me ask the prophetess Memory” (”Αναερείπωση”)

thank you for the prompt! I was really expecting to do this for Nona, but then Desta popped up with an idea that wouldn’t go away, so enjoy this bit of Desta and Woedica hating each others’ guts!

(AO3)

The book is delivered by a mysterious, hooded person who disappears from the docks just as quickly as they arrived, giving Desta no time to ask any questions before the thing is thrust into her hands. It’s quite obviously ancient, burnt beyond legibility and nearly falling part, held together only by some strange magic that sends a shiver down Desta’s spine. The unfamiliar magic should be a warning sign…but Desta is curious.

She lifts open the front cover slowly, noting the odd warmth emanating from the book’s spine. As the stiff pages move under Desta’s fingers, a voice fills her head with the sort of echoing power that she has only ever heard from the gods.

“Watcher”. The voice is imperious and thoroughly self-assured in its condescension, and it isn’t difficult for Desta to identify the speaker. A strange power threatens to wash over her, similar to the way Berath has previously pulled her into the In Between, and Desta barely has enough time to slam the book shut before it fully takes effect.

Promptly, she turns on her heels and chucks Woedica’s book into the ocean. She has quite enough to deal with already without throwing that into the mix.

 Unfortunately, the problem of the book is not so easily dealt with. Desta is rummaging through her bag two days later when instead of a spyglass her fingers brush up against the spine of the thick, tattered, most-definitely-not-soaking book. Perhaps it’s just her imagination, but the increased heat it gives off feels almost indignant.

Still, Desta refuses to open it. She tries throwing it away a few more times, only for it to consistently reappear among her possessions, each time growing warmer and warmer until just touching it nearly burns her fingers. But for all its stubbornness, the book does not force its visions upon her, so for the most part Desta is able to pretend it isn’t there.

Meanwhile, the looks Desta receives from Woedica whenever Berath invades her dreams to hold court with the gods only get more and more scathing as time goes on. Desta doesn’t pay them much mind. After everything she’s already been through because of the high and mighty queen of the gods, courtesy is quite low on the list of her concerns.

  “Ah. The insolent Watcher.”

Desta blinks, surprised, as she realizes she is still standing in the In Between. This is normally the part where the gods, having had their fill of arguing with both her and each other, leave Desta with vague ultimatums and fade away to do whatever it is they do when they’re not making demands of Watchers.

But this time is different. This time, one god lingers, and Desta finds herself under the cold, disapproving gaze of Weodica.

Desta releases a long, tired sigh before answering. “That’s me. What’s this about? Don’t tell me you need the last word so badly you’re actually willing to suffer my presence.”

Woedica’s expression, already stony, somehow hardens even further. “Your disregard for your gods does you no credit.”

The air around Desta seems to grow thin as Woedica speaks, and for a few moments she finds it increasingly difficult to breathe. A small part of knows this is unwise, reminds her that provoking gods who already hate her is not good for her health. But Desta is done playing their games. She’s faced Galawain. She’s faced Rymrgand. She’s spent over a year arguing with Berath on a regular basis. As much as they may wish to, the gods can’t kill her now; not when they need her.

Stubbornly, Desta pushes through the sensation, clenching her jaw as she meets Woedica’s stare head-on. “None of you are my gods.”

Woedica is silent for a moment, and the pressure around Desta releases slightly. “Is that your aim, then? You support Eothas in his foolhardy endeavor to hand the world over to kith- the very same kith who could not even come together to address the threat he poses?”

“Eothas is no better than the rest of you,” Desta snaps. “Trampling through the Deadfire because he thinks he knows what’s best for us. But if I’m being honest, a world without the gods sounds pretty good to me.”

Anger flashes in Woedica’s eyes, venom leaking into her voice as she responds. “So self-righteous. So convinced you alone have the answers.” The goddess considers Desta for a moment. “A world without gods. I remember what that is like. We all do, but it is I who still see that world the clearest; after all, memory has always been my domain. And I remember that it was a world kith did not desire to live in.”

“Your opinion on that isn’t exactly unbiased,” Desta points out. “Beside,s this isn’t the world you remember. A lot has changed. We don’t need a bunch of hypocritical, cowardly-”

“Watch your tongue, mortal,” Woedica commands, and this time the air is forced out of Desta’s lungs. It only lasts a moment, but it leaves Desta doubled over and gasping for air as the goddess stands over her, cold and impassive.

“Berath has been far too lenient with you. You need to be taught proper respect.” She studies Desta for a moment in silent judgment. “You say the world has changed enough to move on without us. That remains to be seen. The truth of your words would be easier to discern had you cooperated with me from the start. But I have been observing you all the same. Decisions will need to be made soon, and those decisions will be determined by your performance on this journey.”

Desta’s breathing has finally steadied enough for her to speak again. “Is that what this is about? An evaluation of my performance?” She laughs, and the sound is only slightly delirious. “Let me guess- you have some critiques?”

“Naturally,” Woedica answers drily. “You are emotional. Impulsive. Foolish. You are an example of why kith obviously still need the guidance of the gods to keep them from destroying themselves.” She pauses, her eyes narrowing ever so slightly. “And yet some of my brethren still disagree. And some of your actions thus far will make it difficult to argue my case.”

That catches Desta by surprise. She wonders for a moment whether it was meant as a condemnation or a compliment, and in the end she simply shrugs. “Making things difficult for gods is a specialty of mine, I guess.”

Woedica remains unimpressed. “Perhaps you should focus that ability on Eothas. The future of the world will depend on your next encounter with him. Do try not to ruin that future with your stubbornness.”

 After awakening from her time in the In Between, Desta makes her way upwards to the deck of her ship. She leans against the railing, turning over her latest conversation with the gods in her head. In the distance, the storms around Ondra’s Mortar rage on, growing closer with every passing minute. Ukaizo- and Eothas- lie just beyond.

Desta pulls the book from its insistent position in her bag. It’s still warm, but no longer threatens to burn her hands as she holds it out in front of her.

Woedica thinks a future without the leadership of gods is destined for failure. But Desta has seen for herself what happens when the gods rule unchallenged. Honestly, she thinks the world can do better. She thinks the world deserves better.

Desta has no idea what the future holds, and she’d be lying is she said that didn’t scare her at all. But she knows that some things belong in the past. “We’re not repeating old mistakes,” she says quietly. “Maybe we’ll make some new ones. But we’ll handle them on our own.”

She drops the book into the sea, and as it disappears below the waves, she has a feeling that this time it won’t be coming back.

[ellebeebee]

There Thou Goest Also

Part 3 of 4: Wheel

One | Two | Four

First PoE work, and I wanted to examine my Watcher’s spiritual growth over the game’s events.  Sharp, a folk death godlike from Vailia, has a complicated relationship with Berath.  Expect self-indulgent backstory and vigilante world building.

2275 words, f!Watcher & All The Friends She Made Along The Way, (no pairing), teen rating by AO3

On AO3

-

“Come on,” Hiravias cajoled. “We’re just talking, okay?  Let me play the heretic’s advocate.”

Sharp toed at the crumbling wagon rut in the road.  She looked at him walking on the other side.

“… Eh, what?  My Aedyran is not so good.  I am not with the understanding.”

He kicked a rock at her which she easily jumped over to avoid.

“That joke was only funny the first hundred times,” he said.

She exhaled in a great overdone gust of breath. “I would rather not.”

“Don’t be such a fucking coward.  It’s just words.  You, dark-stabby-scion-of-woooo-death-- scared of some words?  C’mon.”

“Big words for such a small man.”

“Who said I’m small everywhere?”

“Yes?  Prove it.  And none of this growing pigshit.”

Hiravias’s hands flew to cover the crotch of his breeches with his eyes wide, aghast. “How dare you?!  I am a decent young man from an upstanding family, you hussy!”

Sharp kicked a cloud of dust over him.  He coughed and swatted at the air.

“Oh sure,” he wheezed. “Abuse the Glanfathan orlan.  It’s fine.  My people are used to it.  We know how to endure atrocities after centuries of persecution.”

She waited until his theatrics of hacking and slapping at his clothes petered off. “I do not see why you are the heretic here.”

“Because,” he said.  His voice lost the playful high edge, and deepened.  He stared at her with his good eye, the cat pupil following the curls of black smoke.

She scowled. “I said before--”

“Yeah, yeah,” he waved at her.  He put on a foolish Vailian accent: “I hate that bastard Cirono!  They ruined my life, stole my girlfriend, and killed my dog!  Eh, Pallegina, what is the word--”

She flung a hand at his head in a backhand, which he easily ducked under.

“Come on, Watcher.  You can’t act like you haven’t been getting all ruffled and personally offended every time we find someone sucking the soul out of some dumb asshole’s nostril or whatever.  Using it to fix his broken prick.” He watched her continue walking in expressionless silence. “Defying the Wheel and upsetting the natural order.”

“Fine!  If it will get you to shut up.”

Hiravias rubbed his hands with relish. “Alright.  What’s the point?  You die, be reborn, die, blah blah blah-- but what does it mean?  Present company excluded, you forget and never keep the lessons you learned before.  Is it just an endless cycle of putting up with the harrows of life just so you can die and go through it again?”

“Does your staelgar ask, why hunt?  Why breed, why do anything?” Sharp said.  She nodded ahead of them where Edér walked with the hound at his heel. “My dog-- I could decide one day to kill her.  And she would never question it or know why.  Your Wael would not agree, but why wonder at the things beyond our understanding?  It will not make a difference.”

“So we just go along, not questioning anything?  Accepting everything we’re given?  Never look for purpose or reason?  Why give kith reason and desire for purpose if we aren’t supposed to look for it?  Also, I’m telling Edér about your murderous intentions toward the dog.”

She ignored the last. “Yes, we endure.  The no answers is part of it.  Besides, you speak as if the life itself is not of worth.  Are there conditions to being worth living?  Does the cycle let some pass before others?  No.”

“But just because we all die doesn’t make our lives worthwhile.”

“No?”

“Hell no.  Some people are really a waste of life.”

“This is your Galawain, no?”

“And Wael,” Hiravias said.  He studied her, then shrugged. “I guess that’s a point we’ll have to agree to disagree on.  That’s a surprise, though.  You of all people being so-- nice.  Benevolent.”

“I said life was its own worth.  Not that I mind to send people on to their next one.”

“Okay.  Next point.  Why don’t we just kill ourselves then?  Restart the cycle if that’s the point.”

“But that is not the point.  There is none.”

“But then why do some lives last longer, if all are worthwhile?”

“Length has nothing to do with worth-- and no, I do not care to hear your dick joke.”

“Hey, you brought it up,” Hiravias said, grinning. “Next bit-- if the length of life has no bearing, then why care whether people deliberately lengthen theirs?  It is, after all, turning into a particular annoyance of yours.”

Sharp frowned.  She had the feeling she was being led around by the nose in this conversation.  It was not a dance she knew well, this theology.  Debate for her had generally only gone so far as trash talk before a fight.  That had been before Hiravias going all inquisitive on the state of her spirituality.  Annoying little man.

She was especially annoyed because she knew he had the better of her in this.

Hiravias continued. “For example.  What’s the difference between using a healing spell, and say, those that use machines like Teir Nowneth?  What makes one perfectly moral and the other an offense against the Wheel?  They both extend a life and keep you from dying.”

No, no.  Wait.  That was not…  She struggled internally against his reasonable words.  It was beyond clear to her that one was right and the other wrong, but the why of it was difficult to verbalize.

“No-- no, one you only use your own power that will soon return; the other you make a victim of the one you stole the soul from.  You keep both yours and the victim’s soul from the Wheel, and break the balance of the world’s cycle.”

“And what of Concelhaut?” he followed quickly, as if expecting her answer. “His method of cheating death was the phylactery in his skull.”

“He wanted to suck my soul out and poke at it for his precious spells.”

“Well, forget about that for the moment.  What if he hadn’t wanted your soul and attacked you?  What if you just came upon that old bag of bones and his unnaturally long life?  You still would have wanted to kill him, wouldn’t you?”

“He likely had stolen his own share of souls we did not know about.”

“Don’t avoid the question--”

“Yes!” she snapped. “Yes, I would have.  He was a vile thing.  Deformed and ruined.  You did not see his soul, Hiravias.  It was…”

She shook her head.

“And the Devil?  Don’t act like I haven’t seen you looking at her, all contemplative and wondering just how to release her from that bronze can.”

She said nothing for a long moment while he stared at her intently. “… I do not much care about her past, but she is suffering in that thing.  Her soul not in this world nor the next.  I would kill Galvino but that he might have knowledge of taking her apart.”

Hiravias paused.  They had drifted the back of the group; pink and orange crept up from the horizon and the shadows laid long.  The others were still moving ahead some distance down the road.  He tilted his head and said his next words without venom.

“But what gives you the right?  How can you decide when they’ve overstayed their welcome?”

“I do not--”

Her words halted and she felt an uneasy tide in her stomach.  Her fingers spasmed and jerked together nervously.  Hiravias looked up at her with his cat-like eye gone bright in the waning light.  The feeling of being led about by the nose, of being hunted intensified.  She knew how to track a mark through the knotted streets of a pitch dark city.  She knew how to make a point by slicing a target just so that they would bleed out a horrific mess for someone to find.  She knew how to lure an opponent down the strip, their blades skipping in metallic kisses, and drop into the most elegant passata sotto.

But this was unfamiliar to her, and damn Hiravias for knowing it too.

“…You want me to say because my god is guiding me, then I have the right,” she said. “That I have been following divine will all along.  This, I can not say.  My actions are my own.  I alone am responsible for what I do.”

He shook his head. “It’s not so much using a god as an excuse.  I think it’s more finding your path in life and using that god to remind you of your way.  It’s unavoidable that someone’s gonna disagree with what you do; even the gods fight amongst themselves.  But you stick to your path because, well, that’s what you believe in.  That’s what strikes you to the core.”

She was silent.  He gave her a side-eyed look.

“And sometimes-- your god gives you a sign to let you know--”

“Augh!  Enough about my head!  I have had a life’s worth of people telling me it’s a sign.” She turned and hurried up the path.  The group was nearly out of sight now, and looked like they had stopped, waiting for them. “I would rather have the dick jokes back!”

“Fine, you’ve heard enough about Berath, but you know your Shepherdess?  Have I ever told you that she sounds more like an aspect of Eothas?  Gaun--”

“No!  I am done with gods and your slippery talk.  You say one more word--”

-

Quirinos mes Draghi tapped on his daughter’s door.  A great clinking velvet purse dangled in his off hand.

A whapping thud on the other side answered him.  He took that as an invitation and swung the door inward.  She stood on top of her mattress with her feet planted wide and a dagger held in her fingers by the blade.  Throwing knives.  A showman’s cheap trick that he disapproved of.  He said nothing, though, and closed the door behind him.  He half expected a crude drawing of one of the shepherds or the village leaders on the other side.  But just the handles of nicked kitchen knives and various daggers stuck out of the wooden door.

She watched him with a slightly wary expression: her mouth set deep and her smoke whirling jerkily.

He sat at the edge of her bed, and after a moment she dropped to a bouncing seat beside him.  She twirled the dagger between her dark purple-blue fingers.

He dropped the purse on her lap. “A gift from the marceso.  He is extremely sorry, dear.”

“I bet he is.”

She pulled the purse’s strings, looked inside.  She grimaced.

Quirinos watched her. “It’s not his fault.  We know whose fault it is.”

Standing, she walked to the door.  Her fingers plucked a knife out of the wood as she said nothing.

“Don’t worry.  The marceso won’t let them go unpunished.”

Internally, he was as furious as she was.  But he couldn’t let her see that now; her mindset and her well-being were more important.

She kept pulling blades out.  Her back stood straight and sure.  He didn’t know the moment when her movement had failed to look childlike to him; although he had no right to be surprised when he’d had so much to do with her training.  The growth-mask seemed less like an adorable hat and more… serious.

“Mirèille,” he said.  She stopped pulling out knives.  Missing just that beat, she tossed them into a jumbled clatter on her desk.  She faced him, tucking her arms behind her.

He rubbed his knee. “I am sorry.  I failed you.”

She said nothing as her chin tucked incrementally.  He could almost read the thoughts whirling in her head, behind that face that he knew so well.

“This was not your fault,” he told her. “It had nothing to do with you.  And everything to do with those crazy inbreds out there.”

“And their god?” she bursted sullenly.

He leaned forward on his elbows, looking at her directly. “No.  That was not the will of the Padhessa, Cirono.  It had nothing to do with the gods.”

She looked aside.

“You know, your mother--”

“Yes, I know-- my mother, she saw that old woman coming for her and felt all warm and fuzzy about it--”

“Do you think it’s just a story I tell you?” he shot back.

She stared at him.

He relaxed. “She felt at peace.  Knowing that her life had been full and wonderful, that she had had her portion and it had been good.  And the best of it?  You.  She felt happy that she had brought you here.”

She just stared at him.  Ever since she was small, he kept telling her the story on the hope she would take it to heart.  He patted the discarded money purse she’d left on the bed.

“This is for tuition, board, and uniforms.  The weapons you have are fine for a student, so don’t go getting anything new.  And listen, Mirèille,” He leaned to the side to catch her averted eyeless gaze. “The city can be beautiful.  Exciting.  But those people do not know what real living is.  They pretend to life, with their irony and their stylish games-- but they are dead inside.  All of them.  Remember, always.  Every pretty thing in that city has a price with terrifying interest.”

He sighed and stood.  He gestured with wide arms, and though she hesitated and grimaced like she was doing him a favor-- she stepped into the hug.

Her wide head-growth tucked under his chin, he patted her on the back. “You are too young to go.  Not your skills, though; I have no doubt you will shame all of those upstart merchant’s children.  But I am reluctant to let you go.”

She patted him back. “Say what you want, just don’t go crying on me, Pops.”

[nova-fabula]

I’ve gone through so many names for my main Pillars of Eternity Watcher that at this point any name feels kinda...weird, so I think I’m just gonna stick with “the Watcher”

Anyway, here’s a bit about them:

-- a Glamfellen (pale elf) from the northern coast of The White That Wends -- due to relatively close proximity and general contact, their clan has developed some distinct and unique characteristics -- those being: a bit shorter and stockier than normal, sharp pointed teeth, and faint patterning on their bodies -- very few have the semi-webbed hands and feet that aumaua do -- they do retain quite a bit of their Glamfellen nature -- most importantly: their skin is extremely pale, translucent and extremely cold to the touch, white or near-white hair -- and, of course, the elven pointed ears -- the Watcher themself doesn’t really remember what their name was before their soul was Awakened. Much of their past is a mystery even to them, and perhaps it should stay that way -- their class is...weird, to say the least. They trained to be a ranger from a very young age, picking a stoat as their companion. They were later taught about druidry from an orlan from Eir Glanfath -- lastly are their cipher abilities. most of them were self taught, but they did pick up much from meeting others during their wandering through the Deadfire Archipelago -- you would think that given their strong connection to nature that they would look to Galawain the Hunter. you would be wrong, as they follow Rymrgand and Berath as Rikuhu -- doesn’t like speaking overly much, and when the situation requires it, says only what is necessary -- tends towards kindness, tempered with a healthy dose of bluntness, in alignment, somewhere around the lawful neutral or true neutral -- extremely curious about the Engwithans, especially due to their soul having been one -- did genuinely love Iovara, but denied those feeling to Thaos to protect herself from being sent to the Inquisition and tortured. in the end, however, they did turn Iovara over to the Leaden Key, whereupon she was tortured and eventually killed for heresy -- if there’s one person the Watcher hates above all else, it’s Thaos. however, realizes how important any information they could get from him made them take his soul into theirs. they also took Maerwald, strengthening their own soul with others -- is technically the official Lady of Caed Nua, but they had no interest in the title or the responsibilities and so their companion Kenna took them up

And then Kenna! -- a ranger, her companion is a wolf named Ea -- from the Deadfire proper, and an experienced sailor -- ironically, she’s a fire godlike -- (has intentionally fallen into the water just to see what would happen to her fire) -- most people assume Kenna is the Watcher, and she while she doesn’t do anything to encourage it, she doesn’t dissuade them either

[ariela-of-aedyr]

Oh! I haven't played very far with them yet, so I can't directly comment on how they interact with him over the course of the games but Faenna (also nature godlike) has very similar feelings on Galawain, too!

Their parents were/are followers of Galawain who wanted them to become a Priest, but that wasn't what they wanted, also because they didn't really care for the ideals of Galawain's teachings. They dedicated themselves to learning healing, and training to become a physician, so that they could help the weak and in-need, then went off to join what was essentially a band of monster hunters once they felt they knew enough medicine and combat skills, which probably speaks volumes as to what they think of their godly 'father' and his whole deal, really.

Their team was later wiped out by a dragon, leaving them the only survivor, and they've never really recovered from that. On some level they blame the occurrence on Galawain, believing it to have been his way of getting back at them for turning their back on him and his teachings.

Now they actively hate him.

They really won't take the godlike reveal well, tbh.

I’m curious: people with Godlike Watchers or other characters, how do they feel about their whole….situation? Do they have a relationship with their parent deity? Is it a good one? Did their feelings change at all over the course of the games?

Keep reading

[zahra-hydris]

I didn’t get any asks for the oc meme I reblogged the other day but I wanted to blab about esmy after finishing her deadfire run so ignore my self-indulgent rambling!

🙊what would my muse say their biggest flaw is

she would claim that her biggest flaw is that she’s very soft-spoken, quiet, and introverted. that she has a small fear of crowds and is afraid of what people think of her when they see her. she thinks these might make her a poor leader. but despite not being the type to assert herself into a leadership position normally, being the watcher and having to be the leader has revealed her to be a quiet and thoughtful little force of nature when she needs to be.

⧱ what really is my muse’s biggest flaw

she’s far too good for her own good tbqh. she’s the type to endanger herself (and others of her team and crew...) to help someone. she doesn’t assume the worst of people when she should, which opens her to being deceived, manipulated, and taken advantage of by those claiming good intentions. she also used to be a big believer in intentions over consequences, which was deeply disrupted by her interactions with thaos in poe and something she struggles with throughout deadfire. it’s actually aloth’s personal quest that helps her overcome this.

🤳name three physical imperfections my muse has (birthmarks, gray hairs, muscular definition, etc)

she’s a nature godlike, so she’s nearly entirely different, physically, to other elves. she would definitely consider the mainly moss-covered skin, the long, goat like ears, and the horns physical imperfections worth noting.

🙈what’s my muse’s biggest blind spot?

as mentioned, the whole ‘being good’ thing. she’s a little too willing to believe someone when they claim reformation, a little too willing to justify bad consequences through pure intentions.

🍰what’s my muse’s guilty pleasure?

pastrieeeeeeees. and romance novels. 

😰when my muse is stressed, how do they act out?

she tends to deal with excessive emotion internally, just going quiet and maybe isolating herself physically.

💚what does my muse get envious over?

she wishes she had soft, smooth skin and hair that wasn’t matted with moss and little leaves. she wishes she had a more traditional upbringing with parents that loved her. she wishes she had seen more of the world before having to be a leader, making decisions that affected it. she wishes she had more experience with romantic/sexual intimacy. so she’s deeply envious of those who have these. 

🚫what is one thing my muse wouldn’t want someone else to know about them?

that she wishes for all of the above.

🛌my muse’s biggest nightmare

post-deadfire, she’s afraid that kith won’t be able to figure out something to do following the wheel. she wonders if maybe she shouldn’t have supported eothas’ actions. could her actions have made this worse?

and she’s also kind of afraid that the gods will take their godlike. she sees galawain sometimes, when she closes her eyes, and wonders what she could do to protect herself from it.

🙅‍♂️what does my muse feel insecure about?

her entire body. and that she’s not much a leader. 

👾what was my muse’s childhood bogeyman?

galawain. bricarth showed her an artist’s rendition of galawain - giant, hulking, flanked by massive jungle cats - when she was little, telling her that this was the god that had blessed her. they intended for it to be a reassuring gesture, a way of letting esmy know that was different for maybe a good reason? but esmy had recurring nightmares about that figure (and his cats) for years afterwards.

🙉what are two things that make my muse uncomfortable in conversation

1) being asked about being godlike; 2) having to explain her lack of devotion to the gods. she just hates that conversation and would rather not discuss them at all, yeah?