#but realized that i would probably fuck up their usernames if i didnt use the search freature the @ symbol provides

[obey-me-headquarters]

You know. This is the first blog I've ever created that I tired to create content on. Like, I've have another tumblr account that I had for YEARS but I just kinda rebloged stuff on and didn't make any of my own posts.

So having this account? Wild. Actually having people engage with my stuff? Waking up to 99+ notifications? Extremely Wild.

It's also very, very weird whenever I see someone who I followed before I made this account interact with my stuff. No one is like, celebrities lol, but I do just kinda sit there like O.O "do they know? Do they know their stuff inspired me to make and share my stuff?"

OK but actually shotting a few people out because their blogs are GREAT and inspired me to create smut:

@koumine their sub Lucifer stuff is literally AMAZING. I didn't actually care much for Lucifer before I stumbled across their blog, but after I did I started to play more attention to him in game. And omg. I love him. As you can tell by how much I post about sub Lucifer. Their words are SO pretty and flow SO nice. Go read "wear your independence like a crown" right now because it is one of my favorite fics of all time. Also their fic "the devildom diaries" is absolutely hilarious. Not smut just pure hilarity. But it's also really good for feelings!! Loved Asmo's part.

@demon-fucking-therapist Go read their yandere bros series right now go read their yandere bros series right now go read their yandere bro series 🌀🌀🌀 (I am hypnotizing you) ok but actually just go read everything they wrote because it is SO GOOD!! I wasn't the biggest fan of yanderes before their blog but omg. They changed that real quick! I absolutely love how they write Mc in the series, they feel like a real person and they never did something I couldn't see myself doing. Even when theyre with murderers I couldn't help by nod my head like, yeah I would probably do that do. They post a different of every brother and I absolutely love that.

@thedevilsdom exposed to a lot of different kinks I didn't think I'll vibe with, but now I absolutely do. A lot of their stuff is very sweet and loving, while also being extremely kinky. Everytime they write about the boys I just wanna scoop em up and wrap them in blankets. Does really good smut dialog, like I have trouble figuring out how people talk when theure getting absolutely ruined but thedevilsdom write it beautifully.

@domreader-headcannon-scenarios writes mean smut and I absolutely love it. Some times I just wanna be a bully and a tease and their work is great for that. If any of yall like my pact play stuff you're absolutely going to enjoy their stuff about the kink because it's TOP TIER. Honestly I didn't even really consider how the pacts could be used for kinky stuff until I read their stuff and something unlocked in me. Some of the stuff they write are for fandoms I'm not in but I don't even care because their writting is just THAT GOOD.

All of these blogs are amazing and write like absolute crazy so yall should check em out if you like my stuff lol.

[weebsinstash]

As someone who reads a lot but has no experience writing myself I didn't notice any drop in quality. It seemed to be the same level to me and I particularly enjoy your characterization of mic and aizawa as well as the added depth from the scene between mic and the repair guy. However if I HAD to give a criticism the part about the guy from when reader was young felt a little too long, the same could kinda be said for the exposition about the mom but that felt important enough to the readers persona that it was necessary. These aren't really that bad but its just a personal opinion!

I still absolutely loved the chapter though it was a delightful treat that I thoroughly enjoyed reading!

Maybe that was the part that one person didnt like, the exposition stuff? I really wish they had left a little more constructive criticism besides just telling me straight up "this should have stayed in your drafts, youre out of practice and i can tell" because how tf am I supposed to catch my mistakes and improve without good feedback 🥺 everyone has different standards for what they read so feedback from all different kinds of people could really be beneficial...

Anyways!

So while it was kind of an exposition/info dump, the part with the Reader having an inappropriate relationship with a stranger online specifically a male one is actually relevant to several things, which if it hasn't been apparent due to the fact he's never been mentioned, Reader's father was not present in her life, and not because he's dead or anything (it really isnt a massive spoiler to tell you guys he was just a deadbeat and Reader's mom had full custody and he kind of just pissed off and will make a brief unimportant cameo in the next installment of the series which will in fact be the last one, at least so is the plan). As someone with personal experience, you grow up as a young girl without a father and it can give you extremely different perspectives on men, especially when there has been abuse, and it can make you EXTREMELY VULNERABLE to positive male attention. It's to sort of establish a pattern of Reader needing a form of external acceptance and validation and how she has her own trauma and mental health struggles, especially in regards to men.

Like idk child abuse or being sexual with a kid tw but I remember when i used to go on Justin TV as a minor like idk probably 15 or 16, there was a streamer I would watch sometimes, his username was Tekker or something, and he eventually started getting flirty and stuff with me and in hindsight he was definitely uh a creep. I was a minor and he knew that and he'd be livestreaming him playing like resident evil and he'd like make jokes about, God what even was it, giving me anal as a punishment for being a smart-ass with him because you know obviously anal isn't, for everyone lmao and can hurt and like WOW

But even with those massive red flags I really liked the positive attention he gave me, like it legitimately got me flustered when I sent him my picture and he said I was beautiful and he would call me jailbait 💀 like I bought a microphone to chat with this dude and would play games on stream with him 💀💀💀 this is a subject I have personal experience with. It's kind of to establish Reader had Some Issues that leave her vulnerable to being manipulated by men and also making poor choices because she has deep abandonment issues and needing to be accepted and loved. So now, as it stands, she is slowly becoming complacent to her situation, especially when you also tackle that with the realization that if she were to get free she would go right back to a way of living that was legitimately making her miserable and suicidal

Like for real the planned ending I have for this story is probably going to make a decent number of you go Oh Honey Why Would You Do That :C

It's fucked up, but for Reader there are actually many benefits to her captivity and you couple that with her captors being excessively supportive and affectionate with her and you have a kidnapping victim slowly falling in love with her captors and saying "im a stupid idiot and I'll never have anything better and no one will probably love me like they so, and I'm a loser anyways, so I guess I'm just fucked, I probably deserve to die anyways, who cares what happens at this point, im too tired and apathetic to fight anyways"

Of course the fate of Reader's mom, which is kind of glaringly obvious tbh, but the exact details of what I will call The Mountain Incident are to be revealed in probably the next chapter or two? It's kind of just sadness porn but, it's another layer to why Reader kind of just fell apart and dropped out of Hero School and was too unable to handle the stress to work. Because realistically she experienced something extremely traumatic and had no support system while basically pushed into the deep end of being fully self sufficient and she eventually just burned out trying to do everything on her own, and then you have Mic and Eraser to the rescue to forever further skew her feelings of "see I'm helpless and stupid, I can't take care of myself, I should just let them make the decisions for me"

But yeah, thanks for submitting your feedback, it means a lot! General reception has been really nice so far and it's so nice to see how excited everyone is for an update and I'm looking forward to hopefully getting more things out soon! I'm just trying to even think of how many chapters are left? We're on 7 right now, so, hmm... at the current rate... I'd say... maybe 4 or 5? And then after this story is finished, I think the best course of action for the final part is that i write a significant portion of it before I upload anything so then that can combat being stuck in a plot hole and putting things off haha. Anyways thanks again!

[kylie-writes-stuff]

“wife”

pairing: corpse husband x reader (female)

words: 1,714

requested?: no (send some in tho pls :) )

plot/summary: felix invites his friend, y/n, to play among us when they need an extra player. her and corpse get along well

authors note: so this isnt that good and i know a lot of corpse fics use a similar plot. i just wanted to try to write for corpse. hopefully things i write for him in the future are better. let me know what you think tho! also i really wanted reader to be best friends with karl bc i love him sm. uh every swiggly line is like a small time skip. this was written late at night btw and i didnt take much time to go over it

⭒☆━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━☆⭒

You sat up from laying down when you heard your phone ring. You looked at the caller ID.

Felix.

"What's up Felix?" You ask with a small yawn.

"Aww, how sweet," You hear in the background.

You giggle and ask, "Is that Sean? Hi Sean!"

"Yeah, we're playing Among Us and need an extra player. You down?" Felix explained.

"Sure, just give me a few minutes. See you soon, whore"

"Bitc-" You hang up before he can finish.

You got up and turned off your TV, going to get ready. 

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

You quickly tweet out that you're going live and say something on your insta story as well. You start your stream and slowly watch people flood in.

"Hey everyone! How are you guys doing?" You wave and smile, reading the chat.

"Everyone doing good, awesome! And i'm sorry to anyone having a bad day. I hope i can brighten it a bit!"

"Okay, sorry i didn't give you a further notice. I didn't even know i was gonna stream. Felix invited me to play Among Us so... here we are!"

You quickly join the discord and pull up the game, putting a cover over where the code goes.

"Hello?" You ask as you join the call. A chorus of greetings came your way.

"(Y/n)?"

"Karl!" You smile brightly.

Karl Jacobs was a good friend of yours. You would play on the Dream SMP sometimes. When you would, it would mostly be you being stupid with Karl and Alex, also known as Quackity. You were even a well know citizen of El Rapids.

"LET'S GOOOOO!" He yelled, making you laugh.

"Hey (Y/n), do you know everyone here?" Sean asks you.

"Um," You quickly scan through the names, "no, i don't think so."

You recognized names but you only personally knew Felix, Sean, Karl, and Ethan.

"Oh my god! Your voice is so cute!" Pokimane exclaims.

You giggle softly, "Thank you Poki!"

You're voice wasn't high pitched or anything like that, you just always spoke very softly and calmly. You were also a bit quiet.

Felix introduces you to those that you didn't know.

"There's one more person we're waiting for," He says.

While everyone waits, you and Karl run around each other's little characters and make jokes between yourselves. You mute yourself to read donations every once in a while.

You hear the discord chime, signaling that someone joined the call.

"WAIT CORPSE! DON'T SPEAK YET!" Felix yelled. "We have a new player. This is my friend (Y/n), say hi to her"

"Hello (Y/n)," Corpse said. You were taken aback by how deep his voice was but you didn't show it.

"Hi Corpse! Nice to meet you!" You said happily.

"Okay, how is she not freaking out?" Bretman said, making everyone laugh.

"Uh, (Y/n), do you mind letting me have black? It's cool if not.." Corpse asked gently.

"O-oh sure, no problem." You were usually black with the pink flamingo hat, but you ran over to the little computer and changed your color.

"Simp," Ethan mumbled, knowing you never switch from black.

"Thank you," He said, then the game started.

The word “Imposter” appeared on your screen in red, yours and Corpse's characters underneath.

As the game started, you thought no one could hear you so you spoke to your chat. "His voice was so deep, what the fuck? Holy shit that was hot, i'm gonna-"

"(Y/n)," Rae laughed, "You know we're playing proximity chat, right."

You blushed as you realized and said "Ha, anyways..." and ran to start faking tasks.

You ended up in electrical with Karl. "(Y/n)! My good friend, my buddy, you would never kill me right? Haha..." He said.

"Of course not, Karl! My good friend, my buddy. Why, I'm not even imposter," I said as i quickly dipped into the vent and back out, making him laugh.

I decided to show him because I knew Karl wouldn't say anything, and it's funny.

"Oh that's good then. Are you sure you're not imposter?"

"Mhm, pretty sure," You said, going back in. As you came out, Sykkuno walked in and froze.

"Uh, (Y/n)?"

"Fuck... Karl run! Go!" You said, Karl starting to leave. You walked closer and quickly killed Sykkuno then vented to security.

"That was close..." You told your chat.

You saw Corpse as you made your way around the map and walked into navigation.

"Hey, Corpse, how ya doing?"

"Ah you know, good. Just being crewmate and all."

You stifled a laugh, "Oh yeah I feel that, buddy."

"Yeah because there's no way that i'm imposter. No way i could be faking tasks and there's no possible way you could be the other imposter" He said quickly.

"For sure. Hypothetically speaking, though, if you were imposter, how many people would you have killed by now?"

"I would say probably around two."

"Interesting," You said right before a body was reported. It was Sykkuno's. Felix and Rae were also dead.

"WHAT!" Corpse yelled.

"Where was the body at?" Sean laughed.

"Uh I found it in electrical," Bretman said.

"I'm pretty sure Karl was in there earlier."

You calmly said, "It's not Karl, I was with him for most of the round."

"How do we know the two of you aren't imposters?" Sean asked.

"I was alone with him, he would have taken the chance to kill me."

"No, he's your best friend."

"He's also ruthless,"

"TRUE! SO TRUE!" Karl yelled.

"So skip?" Corpse asked.

Everyone agreed and the voting was skipped.

The next round, I spent with Ethan. He was pretending to be mad at me because Sean said Karl was my best friend.

"What happened to Blue Boi Buddies, huh?!" He exclaimed.

"Neither of our hair is even blue anymore!" You argued back.

You were in reactor with him when Corpse and Poki walked in. He hit the lights and you took it as a sign to double kill. He killed Poki, you killed Ethan, and the two of you made your way to electrical to help fix lights.

You and Corpse went the opposite direction of reactor after the lights were fixed, Karl going with you.

Poki's body was reported. That double kill only left you, Corpse, Sean, Karl and Bretman. You only needed two more kills.

"I still think it's Karl and (Y/n)," Sean said quickly.

"I was with (Y/n) the whole time," Corpse said, "In fact, I think it's you."

"That does make sense. Why so quick to accuse others, Sean?" You ask.

"It's not me!" He yelled.

"I actually agree with Corpse and (Y/n)," Bretman said.

"I was with you!"

We all voted for Sean, him voting for Karl. Sean was ejected.

When you load into spawn, you wait for the kill cool down and kill Bretman, saving Karl.

"Victory" appeared on your screen.

"God damn it!" Sean yelled.

"Good job, (Y/n)," Corpse said lowly.

You smiled, a slight blush on your cheeks, "You too Corpse."

"Their voices go together and they're a fuckin dream team? What have i done...," Felix sighed.

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

A few more games went by. Most of them you and Corpse spent together, whether you were both crewmates or if one of you was imposter.

You really enjoyed his company and you actually got along with him pretty well.

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

"(Y/n), before we get serious, I have one question to ask you." Corpse said as both of your characters stopped.

"What's that?" You giggled.

"Do you know Bingus?"

"Bingus? As in, our lord and savior, Bingus?"

You could hear the smile in his voice, "It's settled, you're my wife now."

This made both of you laugh and your chat go crazy.

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

Eventually, people had to start leaving. You said your goodbyes to everyone and left the discord call and the game.

You set stream to where it was just your face cam.

"Guys, what should we do now?"

You saw some people asking what time it was for you.

"It's 3 AM right now... I’m not tired though.” You had been streaming for a few hours; You never even noticed how late it got.

People in chat were yelling at you to go to sleep, making you chuckle.

“How about we do a quick QnA, then at 3:30 I go to bed. Deal?”

You watched as the chat filled with questions. They obviously seemed to like the idea.

“‘Who is your best friend? Karl or Ethan?’ Neither, Alex Quackity. Next question.” You answered quickly.

You laughed, “I’d like to clarify that that’s a joke, i love all my friends equally.”

You answered more questions. Some were from new viewers asking basic questions, some were about future streams and videos. 

“‘How do you feel about people shipping you and Corpse?’“ People are already shipping us?” You laughed, “I’ve said before that I’m okay with shipping, as long as the other person is too. I think it’s funny.”

You continued to read chat. “Wait, we’re trending?”

You checked Twitter and “#(your and corpse’s ship name)” was trending in the US.

You laughed as you scrolled through the tag, “Oh this is so funny.”

“Fanart already?! You guys are so talented!”

You read chat, looking for more questions. You saw people telling you that it’s 3:30.

“Okay fine, a deal’s a deal. I hope you all have, or had, a great day and I’ll see you guys later. Depending on what time it is for you, you should also get some sleep. Stay hydrated, love you!” You ended stream.

⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒⌒

You scrolled through Twitter as you laid in bed, liking fanart and dumb memes. Also replying to a few of your friends’ tweets.

karl :) @/KarlJacobs_

@/(your username) what the honk ?

*clip of you saying Quackity was your best friend*           

You liked the tweet and replied, “karl no,,, look away,,,”

You continued scrolling, feeling your eyes get droopy. Your eyes fell closed but quickly opened when your phone vibrated. It was a DM. 

From Corpse.

You two had followed each other earlier.

Corpse: hey (y/n), just wanted to say you’re really cool and i’d love to play again with you soon 

You smiled, a light blush spreading across your cheeks, and replied.

You: i’d love to, corpse

Corpse: ok, see you soon ‘wife’

You: back at ya, ‘husband”

Corpse: :)

You: :)

[lacehydrangeas]

edit: UMMMM just realized this never posted and instead went into my drafts. oops.

tagged by @glubbity (kinda) i’ve never done one of these and i thought it would be fun :o)

[instructions: tag ten followers you’d like to get to know better.] if u want to do this consider urself tagged...

gender: female! im cis but i dont mind they/them pronouns. i think gender IS something i need to put more thought into, but for now im comfortable presenting/being seen as a girl

star sign: im a scorpio babey!!! and if you have known me for more than 5 minutes its obvious. i like to think im a posterchild scorpio. my birthday is october 30, 2003, which i think is a very very good day to be born seeing as halloween is my favorite holiday and fall is my favorite season! im pretty excited to be turning 17 this year

height: 5′3 or 5′4 :o/ i wish i was taller SO bad. its been my dream since childhood to be like 6 foot... unfourtantly i think i might be done growing... my curse

sexuality: lesbian! i like girls very much. i used to identify as bi for most of middle school and then after kissing a dude and it making me sick to my stomach so i had a Realization freshman year. i think one of the sillier things that made me realize i was probably a lesbian is that i never felt comfortable doing one of the alignment charts... i would skip over them because something about saying “bisexual” didnt sit right

hogwarts house: i hate this question so fucking much. according to the official harry potter website i am a gryffindor but childhood me was crushed by that so i self-identify as a slytherin

favorite animal: CHINCHILLAS!!!!! i love chinchillas so fucking much... every time we had an animal project in middle school i would do mine on ‘chillas. did you know those guys fur is so thick they literally can’t get in water or they grow mold? thats why they do ash baths! while humans have one hair per follicle chinchillas have 50+ and fleas cant live on them because they would suffocate in the fur! thats why chinchillas r so soft... like little clouds. my second favorite animal would have to be rabbits... love them

average hours of sleep: when school was in session i would go to bed at like 10 and then wake up around 5, but now i go to bed at like 12 and wake up at like 8. so i usually get around 8 hours

current time: 11:13 am! im a California baby

dogs or cats?: god i love both so much but dogs win... both me and my mom r allergic to cats so i’ve never been able to have one but ive had lots of doggies! tigger, jasper, bailey, rosebud, pupcake...and a lot of my relatives have dogs! cats r very cute and sweet though and i love my neighbors cat even though cuddling her gives me hives

number of blankets you sleep with?: when its cold i sleep with two blankets and sometimes my comforter, and when its warm (like rn) i sleep with my thinnest blanket and my air conditioner on high. i can NOT sleep without a blanket and it needs to be cold. i always sleep the worse during summer

dream job?: i want to be a therapist... i want to be able to help people and psychology is so so so interesting to me. other careers i think would be fun: working at a zoo, professional scuba diver, working at one of those museums/activity centers where kids always go for field trips. you know the ones

when i created this blog: i think sometime in 7th grade? so like in 2017 i think? idk math. my first username was “just-a-tired-nerd” which i think is awful

follower count: 134!

why i created this blog: i thought that tumblr was THE place for gay people to go and i wanted to be around fellow homosexuals. also a friend had a tumblr and told me to make one

how i came up with my url: im so bad at usernames so its honestly kinda embarrassing trying to explain it LOL. i wanted a very ~aesthetic~ name (my previous user was aestheticallyjaded) and hydrangeas r my favorite flower! so i thought “ok whats pretty and feminine and also doesnt sound stupid?” and my brain went Lace! very recently i found out that lacecap hydrangeas r a type of hydrangea so i guess it all worked out in the end!

what do you love about yourself? (can’t be something you do for others): i love how true to myself i am! sometimes its a fault but ive always been very open about myself and my feelings. even if it makes me seem weird ive always acted and presented myself how i want to. when i create something (art/writing) i stay true to myself an express what i want to express. shoutout to all my old teachers who had to sit thru my short stories about lesbians xoxo

what kept you going through middle school? if it wasn’t hard, what was it like?: oh god middle school sucked so fucking bad. it was a really weird time of self discovery and absolute misery lol. i remember so many people whispering about me and talking behind my back because i was very open about being gay and it was when i first started getting really depressed. the only thing that really kept me going was art and nice teachers. ive always been a bit of a “teachers pet” so my teachers always liked me and treated me nicely. being able to have that kind of support and leeway really helped.

[shidiand]

How do you imagine Tenco's Story ending in your head?

that is a GREAT but UNEXPECTED QUESTION freshlybaked "spider" bread and i'm really happy to have the opportunity to try and answer this ageless question that has burned within all of us in the tenco's story iv waiting room community since 2013. it is an incredible coincidence (or is it? 👀) that i was just talking to Risa about tenco's this (edit: yesterday) morning so i am extra double super in the mood to talk about Tenco's Story today. so excellent of a coincidence is this that i am tempted to refer you to them in case you wanted to hear their thoughts on the matter that would probably turn out super cool, but that is neither here nor there; let us talk Tenco's Story.

i of course must mention my unadvertised and modestly detailed commentary on tenco's i-iii at https://shidiand.tumblr.com/tencos, presenting slightly interesting facts in an unwieldy and difficult-to-use format, but as it dates back to june 2017, i want to take some time to understand my feelings about the series once more.

tenco's story is a series that has a lot of meaning to me.

i took on my current name of shidiand in november of 2013. i was still in 11th grade at the time, 4th year of high school, and a very socially isolated person. i should say i was introduced to touhou in 7th grade, 2010, so i was still working through a 3 years-strong phase of trying to simultaneously both find an outlet for and bottle up an endless wellspring of awkward weeaboo-gamer nerd energy at the time.

i had my first real foray onto the internet in 2010, tried out twitter, followed some RPers and other people who had Cool Touhou Usernames. didn't really go anywhere. i had maybe 50 followers, i dont really know the count but it was definitely a) double digits and b) pretty low. didn't know what to tweet about. didn't know how to hit it off with others. i think there was basically maybe only 3 other people i ever properly interacted with. oh shit i was playing league of legends at the time. oh my god. i really did play league of .. oh my god. let's move on.

aw shit im super digressing amn't i. well.

this is just how it goes when i write essays on tumblr.com.

i'm afraid you're just along for the ride at this point so please do your best to enjoy it.

i got kind of tired of twitter at the time because i didnt know what to do with it. didnt know how to interact with people and didnt find the people i was following interesting, so i ghosted on out of there by the end of 2012. didnt deactivate it until like 2015 but at that point that was just burning away my dark history. anyways. november 2013.

--im taking a lot of time here trawling through old files on my computer, my tumblr blog, notification emails still lying around in my gmail inbox from twitter, the dropbox i didn't actually use but it had several tenco's story pictures on it but i deleted them so this was useless, ... to trace the timeline of this story and im really seeing a lot of remnants of dark history here you know? did you know i wrote a letter to a girl i had a crush on valentine's day 2014, slipped it into her locker, and anxiously hung around nearby at lunchtime to see how she reacted at lunchtime? i certainly didn't, or at least i made darn ass sure to forget about this incredible virgin incident and not remember it, ever, until i came across the records of it that i thoughtfully preserved for the me of 5 years later today. ok well now i have to read the letter to see if it was as bad as it just sounded there brb

ok so the good news is that it was actually very focused on being positive and full of admiration for the cool things she did instead of being a confession letter so i am very glad i was able to be a respectful chad 5 years ago, but the bad news is that the jokes, the actual sentences i put together. oh my god. but i mean. well. at least i got the spirit. its certainly a step up from this other person in my grade, WEEABOO ANDREW, YOU MAY RECALL THIS STORY AND HIS NAME FROM PREVIOUS STORYTIMES, THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND who came to school on halloween once cosplaying kirito from sword art online and got very possessive about people asking if they could hold his black replica plastic sword, and probably worse, dropped a "will you be my girlfriend" letter into the locker of my homie and fellow trombonist samantha, who was a little bit nerdy, hung out with the anime-likers who were actually sociable and fun to be around so you can imagine why weeaboo andrew was into her, which had i) a direct quotation from SAO chapter 16.5 (origin of the famous "glopping noise" line), and ii) a condom. jesus christ. i dont want to talk about this any more. next topic.

i also put this drawing of iku nagae and her skarmory (actually an albinoss from 18 DRAGONS) on the other side of the letter because it was the coolest thing i could think of drawing at the time. and i completely agree with 2014 me because it IS super fucking cool. hell fuckin yeah

https://shidiand.tumblr.com/post/76301993387/iku-nagae-ft-that-thing-that-supposedly-is-a

alright that was a fun little trip down memory lane but lets get back on track. november 2013. i started anew as shidiand. still awkward, still learning how to express myself and looking for my place among others. i followed some touhou bloggers, hung around r/touhou a lot as well. in december i got my first tablet for christmas, a wacom bamboo splash. i still use this thing! the usb cable disconnects if you bump it so i have to find just the perfect position to sit in whenever i want to draw, but its served me well. anyways. i was just starting to play around with digital art but i remember, probably just before new years, for some reason i wanted to find out more about tenshi hinanawi (i don't remember why. tenshi wasn't even one of my favourite characters at the time) so i went googling and right there on zerochan i found this:

https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=23525572

this was during my dark souls phase so i just went BANANAS at the sight of this. this was literally the coolest image i had ever seen in my internet life. That image alone made me want to draw in hopes that I could make something as cool as that someday.

it wasn't immediately after but i soon discovered tenco's story, and it was love. kannnu was my very first artistic inspiration, and for a long time, my only one. i absolutely idolized them at the time. since then, ive found other artists to look up to, in a more healthy manner, but to this day i still look up to kannnu, still admire their work a lot.

i played around with drawing, followed the lives of people on tumblr, started reading touhou fanfiction, made a new twitter. i met a lot of new people along the way. some people i havent stuck with, some i cut ties with, and some people i still keep in contact with today. over those long 5 years of being shidiand, i found a name (i used to use shidian and then shid, but someone called me shidi once and i realized that was a lot better), how to reach out to others, how to express myself, places that i could feel included in. this is why i owe a blood debt to evelyn, who permitted me to kneel at her throne and was like "yea ok you can join my discord server u seem cool". evelyn, if you were confused by me ominously mentioning this blood debt/blood oath in a tumblr reply 1-2 years ago, this is the context. those 5 years were like a coming of age of sorts, that i never had when i was in high school.

and my love for tenco's story, that inspired me to draw that day, has been with me since almost the very beginning of my time as shidiand. from the beginning, i have always encouraged people to READ TENCO'S STORY, like the kin of those who cry PLAY MELTY or WATCH SYMPHOGEAR. i think my very first sidebar description was something akin to a prayer, written in very choral language, hoping for the day tenco's story iv was completed, ..., "meanwhile, furious shitposting". kannnu's work, finding delight in whatever they chose to draw, has been at my side, all along. my true mentor, my guiding moonlight...

so that's why i still to this day love tenco's story so much.

let's talk about tenco's story.

tenco's story is a story told through single pictures. the plot is vague, and details are sparse. dialogue is rare. we only know what has happened; we seldom know why. furthermore, there are many gaps between scenes that the reader is left to fill in for themselves; we see only snapshots that form an hazy outline of the events that occurred, and must imagine the rest. motivations and explanations fail me. but even with a barebones plot, tenco's story has themes, and if nothing else, those have to be carried through.

the main theme, of course, is journey and travel, but there are also other ideas, too. i actually think they start to change as the series goes on:

book i, where tenshi runs away from home, is about striking out on your own. it's a very fun and unpredictable journey, together with a friend.

book ii, where tenshi and iku are separated, forces tenshi to find and rely on companions of her own even more. but they do so, and they are able overcome hardships, and there is food and festival.

book iii marks a climax, reasserting tenshi's goal of finding the sword of hisou. i feel like the journey shifts from a travel (visiting) to a path forwards (making your way through). perhaps this is just something i get from knowing the locations from dark souls (Anor Londo, New Londo Ruins, the Great Hollow), but the locations start to give more of a sense of verticality, like they're emphasizing tenshi's climb to the summit. the hardships and enemies are the greatest they've been yet, and right when they near the top, tenshi and iku start to bleed. the book ends on an uncertain note.

if i had to describe the type of journey and travel that tenshi and iku undertake, there's this sense of wonder at discovering new places, wandering from vista to vista in delight, but also a sense of conquering, making it through a difficult patch. the sequence from pages 2-44 to 2-51, taken together, convey this sense of overcoming the best. it's one of my favourite parts. again, although the tone definitely starts to lean towards struggle in book iii, i think tenco's sense of wonder really is the heart of the series. there's no map of the world, no predicting where tenshi and iku will end up next. and through their travels, though they come across many enemies, they also find friends -- places of refuge, places full of life, people who will look after them for a few days, companions who will stay with them for the rest of the journey. at the end of book iii, we see a long haired tenshi with purple hair being impaled by the sword of hisou (3-33, see also this extra illustration that risa pointed out to me http://sinnnkai.blog.fc2.com/blog-entry-195.html), and regular short haired tenshi continuing on her journey (3-42). if we ignore the out-of-story images where tenshi has the sword of hisou, tenshi has actually only ever used her sunlight blade (2-24, 3-26, etc), so i think that the long haired tenshi on 3-33 is a different person altogether. (if i had to guess, she might be the purple haired woman in the top left of https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=35443328 as we have never seen that woman appear anywhere.) she probably has something to do with the flashbacks at the end of book ii and she might somehow be short-haired tenshi at the same time, but this is just speculation.

however, in 3-43, tenshi's hair is rather blue, so i don't know if this is the purple haired woman or not. if it is, tenshi is probably still fine and closing in on the summit, but if it isn't, then it's very worrying to see a picture of tenshi without any of her companions. it's very ominous.

meanwhile, iku, while climbing the red carpeted corridor, is stabbed, and disappears for a few pages. there's a black page, a shot of a shrine that strongly resembles the hakurei shrine, and a picture of iku standing behind someone in a tux, with the line "In the past, I was saved by the lady I was serving, you see?". and then iku wakes up in a field of flowers.

i think what this scene makes clear is a theme that has continued to appear and reappear throughout every book of "being saved, being aided by someone's kindness".

i think another theme that is implied and has to be addressed by this story of running away from home is "return". something im imagining is that the reason tenshi makes finding the sword of hisou her goal is because she wants to have something to prove herself with, to vindicate her when she comes home. but i don't think she needs to prove anything, and i ultimately think that she would be happier spending the rest of her life exploring.

so i think this should be what happens in the ending.

open on iku's journey, and give her a long sequence of travel without seeing tenshi. underline her newfound resolve. she climbs to the summit with albinoss, and finds the rest of tenshi's companions fallen. and in the last room is sword of hisou tenshi, who has lost herself, and it comes down to iku to bring her back. after a difficult battle, when both of them are on their last legs, iku is unable to stand any longer. but at this moment tenshi sees her companions struggling to get back up and reach her, and that's what brings her to her senses. and iku gets to see how many friends tenshi's been able to make on her own, and they finally and properly reunite. together, tenshi and iku carry each other out of the last room.

i don't think it's necessary to return to heaven. as a conclusion, dedicate some time to tenshi and iku travelling together. they're on their way back, revisiting old friends who helped them along the way, enjoying the journey. their last stop is the house of the elderly nawis (1-42). tenshi shows off the sword of hisou; she decided to keep it not as a trophy to show her family but as proof of the bonds of her companions. surrounded by friends, tenshi and iku decide to part ways with each other, knowing that the other will be alright. iku drifts among the clouds once more, and tenshi sets off for the horizon.

that's the plot that i'd write/just wrote. i don't really expect tenco's story iv to ever come out, though. i mentioned my first sidebar description earlier in this essay, but of course, you can see that it's been changed. 2 years ago, i read my hopeful prayer once more and was struck with a terrible melancholy, so now it reads this: "having come to terms with the fact that tenco's story iv will never be released, i can still live, knowing that the spirit of the journey will live on through kannnu's original works [...] meanwhile, furious shitposting".

on one level, tenco's story is a story, but in the process of following it, i came to think of the work itself as a journey too. you can constantly see kannnu's improvement between and even within each book. they have always drawn whatever they liked; what plot matters in the face of "I wanted to draw a beautiful sky." "I wanted to draw a fantastic battle." "I wanted to draw Dark Souls and Monster Hunter and Pokemon and Brave Fencer Musashi and Bokura no Taiyou and Touhou."

its not really kannnu's style to go back and tie up old ends. they just draw whatever makes them happy. so as i watch them continue to draw beautiful places and fantastic creatures, new characters heading out on journeys of their own or just enjoying their everyday lives, it's as if tenco's story never ended. the limits and consistency of that world ignored, and a new one springs up; in a way, the world of tenco's, which had such thin boundaries, just gets bigger.

but even so, having said all that, i still see them draw that short-haired tenshi from time to time. it makes me happy to see them remember tenco's story with such fondness. often crossing over with orion or roar or elweiss, you can see tenshi on another journey.

[allcatsaregreyt]

Sollux Captor - Today at 4:47 AM

[TA began trolling CA!] @Eri Ampora TA: hey, i know you really don't want to talk to me right now, and reflecting on everything, i can't say i blame you in the fucking slightest. TA: you don't have to respond to me TA: but TA: uh TA: please dont block me yet TA: because there's a lot a want to tell you and itll take a few messages to do it TA: afterwards ill leave you alone

Eri Ampora - Today at 4:49 AM

[There's no response. But there's no idle message.]

Sollux Captor - Today at 5:59 AM

TA: when i met you, you were just this fun guy who memed the appropriate amount to be unserious and likeable, and you were fun to mess with too. just. a really fun person to be around. i really wanted someone like that around in my life, you know? TA: the pitch crush i gained on you should have really stayed just a crush, because outside of playful banter and memes, our relationship didn't really have much foundation. you weren't ready yet, and i wanted more out of you than you were ever willing to give me. TA: you started getting flush for me while i started getting pale for you because the more i learned about you, the more i started to pity you. the more i wanted to help you. TA: i wanted to fix you. TA: what an arrogant thought, right? TA: but i never thought of you as a project or a puzzle, i always thought of you as a person, my partner, someone hurting that i wanted to see heal. i wanted to be the one who could help you get there. TA: but, well. i'm shit with people. TA: and we both agree that you have a lot of shitty qualities too. TA: i couldn't figure out how to help, the only thing i knew that worked to get you to open up was to push you until you cracked. no one ever offered any other solutions, and it was the only thing i had to get you to talk to me. TA: that was wrong to you, and i don't think i can ever apologize enough for doing that to you. it'll never be enough. TA: i feel like i was wrong for making you be in a relationship with me to begin with. TA: i'm proud of how far you've come, of how much you've healed. TA: but trying to evaluate that pride, maybe that's wrong too. maybe i'm only proud because you did what i wanted you to do. TA: and that's disgusting too. TA: i hate people doing what i want because they don't want to bother telling me otherwise. Sollux Captor - Today at 6:00 AM TA: all this time i thought i was doing the right thing. doing right by you. i genuinely believed it. i've poured so much into trying to get you to thrive and be happy that i lost that ability for myself, and i'm realizing that it not only wasn't ever asked for, but didn't even help. TA: i wasted both of our times, all these last few months. TA: i'm still guilty about hurting you, when i was trickster. TA: i remember the whole thing. i remember that i was made to hate you. but i was so bitter even without that. TA: bitter that you kept running away because you needed to be left alone, and i wouldn't give you that. TA: i should have given up, back then. TA: when of all the things you could have chosen to forget to make your life easier, you chose me instead. TA: that i was the thing making your life so terrible, that you needed to erase me from it to find peace. TA: what did i do instead? TA: i kept pushing. TA: maybe mindfang was right about me and i do have some kind of hero complex. TA: need to be a savior. need to create the disaster. TA: and it did this to you. TA: you deserve so much more. TA: you deserve someone who can love you the right way, not poison you with "good intentions". TA: i really hope karkat can do that for you. TA: i hope that nothing happens between the two of you because of me. TA: please dont be mad at him. TA: we never really even had a real talk about breaking up. TA: just some vague ventposts. TA: i've never been more blind in my life than i have when being in a relationship with you, eri. TA: i didn't know where to go, had no one who would tell me, and you wouldn't talk. TA: i had to do trial and error and even that was hard because you wouldn't tell me if i was doing something wrong. TA: i didn't WANT to give up on you. TA: but trying to help you has eaten me to the point of crying constantly, and i just couldn't fucking do it anymore. TA: my heart can't handle it. i couldn't do it anymore. TA: but i didn't have an intention to stop being your friend, or to stop supporting you. TA: karkat said he'd keep doing what i tried to do, and hell, god knows he's doing it better than i ever did or could. TA: he said that maybe, once you'd healed, we could be together again. TA: but i knew then that it wouldn't happen, even if i could be hopeful. TA: i knew karkat and i wouldn't be enough, that's why i used my contacts to set you up with a therapist who could. TA: i hope she helps you. > There's a pause. TA: i dont know what pushed you to want to kill people in my town, i don't know how saness found you to stop you. TA: karkat and i were really, really sick when that happened. TA: i could barely walk and still i told her i'd come there if i needed to. TA: i wanted to make sure you were okay. TA: but i TA: i felt like you didnt want me there TA: that me being there would have made it all worse TA: so i didn't TA: after i found out where you were i was trying to figure out how to make things better TA: i'm fucking terrified of star but i contacted him because you two were close TA: i thought maybe you two could stay together TA: so that saness wouldnt have to keep you prisoner TA: but then star told me that you two fell out TA: and i didnt know any other options TA: i wanted to talk to you so badly TA: i wanted to understand what was happening TA: i was at school when shit hit the fan and i asked saness again if i could go there TA: because there wasnt another way to you TA: and i was so fucking scared eri TA: i couldnt lose you TA: i couldnt lose another moirail TA: i didnt want anyone doing anything they would regret TA: and i didnt have any fucking answers to suggest anything TA: i heard you were going to that prince guy TA: nadire? TA: and he was kind to karkat TA: so i thought youd be safe there TA: and im glad you went TA: and fuck i've already said so much but there's still so much i want you to know TA: i'm sorry about everything that's happened with saness TA: i'm sorry i pushed you so hard TA: i'm sorry i couldn't be a good kismesis TA: or moirail TA: or matesprit TA: fuck i haven't even been a good friend to you. TA: i'm never going to regret meeting you, or loving you. TA: i'm never going to regret kissing you, or forget anything that the stuffed wolf stood for. TA: did you know i got the scarf its wearing from star TA: star told me not to tell you that but i dont think im going to talk to you again TA: star was the one who hired me to check up on you while you were still living with me too TA: i wasnt supposed to say that either but it doesnt matter anymore TA: you deserve to know all the things i didnt tell you or couldnt tell you or wouldnt tell you TA: ive appreciated all the time weve spent together TA: theres been so much trouble but theres been so much good too TA: i miss you TA: i miss holding your hand TA: im not going to live all that long compared to you but TA: youre someone im always going to think about TA: no ones ever going to replace you eri TA: so what if theres people with your name TA: so what if im dating one TA: hes not you TA: and hell never be you TA: hes got your voice but ive never heard you in his words TA: youre sweet and kind and troubled and so so gentle and TA: not replaced TA: im sorry i just realized you wouldnt care for any of this TA: im sorry ive guilted you so much TA: im sorry ive pushed you TA: im sorry i broke promises TA: im sorry ive hurt you TA: im sorry ive forced you TA: im sorry ive cornered you TA: im sorry for all the things i cant name TA: i blocked you because i thought youd be better off without me still trying to engage this awful friendship TA: and im going to want to every time i see you TA: because just seeing your username on the dash makes me smile TA: just like it did months ago TA: even after everything thats happened TA: thinking about you makes me smile eri TA: and it still will TA: im not going to go to your lighthouse anymore TA: im having a transportalizer put into the hole so i dont have to cross your property to get into it TA: and its far enough away that it shouldnt be a bother for you TA: ill stay out of sight so you dont have to see me at all TA: and if its still not good enough ill abandon it and dig out elsewhere TA: but i can't leave it because the bees need cared for TA: and im sorry for getting mad TA: at this point i dont have a right to be angry TA: i took your tag as an invitation and broke in TA: and hell thats probably what you were baiting me for TA: because youre fucking smart and im just a shitty lowblood that happens to know how to hack TA: i'm not going to say im sorry for being in your life TA: you would have died TA: and i dont know maybe you would have preferred that TA: but ive been grateful for the extended time ive gotten with you TA: but i dont think ive helped you at all since the start TA: just gave you a few laughs but ultimately ive only hurt you TA: and i dont even think youre still reading at this point ive sent a lot TA: youll probably block me before you finish because its annoying TA: so its probably safe to say this by now TA: before we cut this off forever TA: i want to see you one more time TA: i want to give you a hug TA: and i want to say goodbye TA: because youre a real person TA: and you deserve a proper seperation instead of everything happening over text [TA ceased trolling CA!]

Eri Ampora - Today at 6:05 AM

CA: i don't think i could look you in the eye wwithout feelin' sick. don't come to see me.[CA ceased trolling TA!][CA has blocked TA!]

[theday]

i forgot to copy andpste the rules fuckjdjh anwyay taged by @younghyuuns and @pupcats :D thank u guys for tagging me i havent done this in ages

tagging: @minhyukwithagun (just saw ur new icon ffuck) @briwoon and @tokayhk u guys dont have to tho ily all oh also @hyunghoney and @hyungkyunnie and @minhyukt suddenly im tagging everyone u guys dont have to do it either ily toohdjh

last:

drink: water hddhh im so happie to hear everyones answer is water too stay fresh

phone call: ................ oh my mum i was gonna say i dont call ppl but she called the house phone yesterday

text message: ‘what’ jhddsjhjhsh

song you listened to: beside you by 5so/s im wheesinghs falen kdhs

time you cried: really cried??? january on a thursday aka last month i broke down in school djhhsjh schools the place i cry the most i couldnt go through one month without breaking downdjhdhs every year i have 2 cry there at least once apparently jesushdjs

have you ever:

dated someone twice: i havent even dated anyone once

been cheated on: see above

kissed someone and regretted it: see above

lost someone special: immmdmfmmdkks i guess not? in terms of friends they were special but not anymore so i guess that doesnt count

been depressed: nope

been drunk and thrown up: in this house we only drink water

in the past year have you:

made a new friend: heck yeah? i made so many good pals after revamping this blog im so happie :( 

fallen out of love: no lol i stopped having this crush on this person at the end of 2016 best decision of my life

laughed until you cried: one too many times but i cant remember any ;-/ 

met someone who changed you: falen?? but everyone has an effect on mehjd 

found out who your true friends are: well . yeah

found out someone was talking about you: idk i dont rememberjhdhjhs i dont care enough

general:

how many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: only karissa and she doenst even use tumblr much ;-/ 

do you have any pets?: i wish i did D: but not now.. jsjd maybe when im out of this country/place

do you want to change your name?: ifjkksj not rly..??????? i just hated it for a while when i was younger bc i didnt like the nicknames that came with my namejhddh

what time did you wake up this morning: 11am fuck my life

what were you doing last night: giffing :D and then i gave up bc it started messing up so i went to bed

name something you cannot wait for: school to start bc im excited since its a whole new jhhdhsh thng? but im also terrified im learning physics theres a reason why i took biology instead man my course is called biotechnology nothhjjhhjjhsjhhf physics dont interact 

have you ever talked to a person named tom?: the only tom i know is tom from tom and jerry

what’s getting on your nerves right now: the gifs 

blood type: a emoji

nickname: when ging said her answer i lost my mind how many of you arent using ur real names tf... does ging stand for ginger also this question is about me hold onfjdhhhjshd uh egg and meggan i guess? nutfucker toojhdjhhjdh bc that was my ig name so irl ppl would call me that and embarrass me thanks or just nut because of that username too

relationship status: never dated thank god

zodiac sign: capricorn sun and taurus moon im the .optimum dirt call me soil hdjsh also i showed ayesha my chart and she lost her mind saying the reason why i say oh worm so much is bc im like 50% earth i couldnt stop laughing tumblr install a filter search function in chats i need to dig that up 

pronouns: she/her

favorite show: haikyuu i aint gonna stop loving u bitch

college: idk what this means either im not gonna tell yall my school im gonna be doing biotechnology tho trust me i dont know what the fuck that course is about im a fool all i know is that it has to do with cells [changkyun voice] well its cells

hair color: black but i like to think its brown

do you have a crush on someone: crushes and the whole. love game is cursed 

what do you like about yourself: i learn... from my mistakes i guess idk also im generally friendly .         ...

firsts:

first surgery: none

first piercing: none im a [redacted] 

first sport you joined: fucking. golf or swimming or tennis i used to be all about sports now i just. walk 

first vacation: probably malaysia

first pair of sneakers: converse which i used to deem as clown shoes ... now all i wear are converse dkhhdshj

right now:

eating: amylase 

drinking: nothing i need to drink water im thirsty hold on stay hydrated if ur reading this drink some water

i’m about to: pee i need to go, 

listening to: spotify ad time hates me. ill go back to this later oh wait this isnt a spotify ad anymore scavenger by finish ticket who r they? idk either my friend recommends me songs and theyre good but by bands ive never heard of

want kids: no iwnt animals

get married: marriage ? sounds phake

career: ive been saying this since 2016 but farmer

which is better:

lips or eyes: i hate myself i read lips and thought of l** m*nhyuk ;-/ singularity’s impact! and nojhhsjjhdh idk? fucking both i guess ??????? i dont look at peoples faces often

hugs or kisses: depends on the kiss but i love huggingjdhjhd i dont think. id be able to hug certain people tho? which is weird im fine with likejhdhjsjh hugging this person (usually happens when we’re watching movies bc djdkjjs im a [redacted] again so i have to hide my eyes) but i cant imagine myself.. hugging my other friendshjhdh??? idk itd be awkward ig 

shorter or taller: taller ! love me that height if ur below 165 cm dont talk to me

older or younger: older ???? or my age idk 

romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous im always like this with my friendsjhfhjhdh me: hey lets walk there instead my friends: ready tof ucking kill me

sensitive or loud: a ? a mediudndjs like... an in between 

hookup or relationship: preferably nothing but relationship of coursehjhd

troublemaker or hesitant: an inbetween jjdshjshd?? idk shit lads

have you ever:

kissed a stranger: nope

drank hard liquor: drank sparkling water once it counts 

lost contacts/glasses: no im so blind they always have to be on my fucking face 

sex on first date: sex never . 

broken someone’s heart: yeah but when i was kid so it probably didnt mean much 

been arrested: iddjsh i was gonna joke but i cant think of anything so no

turned someone down: jhdhhdjs yeah but mostly like hangouts?? hdjhd not like dates and shit 

fallen for a friend: let me think the first girl i liked wasnt a friend but when we became friends i was like o womrie nvm but she did help me realize im Not straight as did tumblr which even tho i constantly insult it helped me a lot fjdhjhs but my two crushes after were on my friends ;-/ my first crush unfortunately on a guyddhhs wasnt my friend either tho damn now u guys know my whole backstory :D

do you believe:

in yourself: sometimes bitch has 2 get those grades man

miracles: yes you (love live) please come home........ ... .... 

love at first sight: dam. was gonna talk abt anime again but hjhdhshj no ? i guess not maybe like wow ur attractive at first sight but thats it

if u read until the end thank u ur the realest have a good day!!!!!

[buzzfeedwheeze]

The New Teacher - Shyan AU

CHAPTER 2

Shane watched as Andrew made his way through his second bowl of cereal with milk. Only kids like that, my ass! He was beaming. It just felt so right to sit by his son’s side and enjoy a nice breakfast before leaving for work. Unfortunately, the familiarity of it brought back memories that he wish would’ve stayed buried on the depths of  his mind.

He and Sara used to make pancakes of the new characters of Disney that they had been working on at the studio and Andrew would happily munch at them after pointing out mistakes in anatomy or color. The first time he did it, they were so surprised that they thought they had hurt his feelings and perhaps shut down their child, but the next time they tried to subtly make him comment it worked out fine. It should’ve been expected, after all, he was their kid and art was always a big part of their lives so it obviously would attract little Andrew. Shane remembered when they had just adopted Andrew, they were trying to figure out how to make the small 8 year-old interact with them so Sara suggested painting palm trees’ leaves on the living room wall and Andrew sat on the floor and started to make small coconuts. Even though it was sort of painful to revisit the memories, he would always have a fond smile as the mental image of a smaller Andrew with his brows furrowed as he mixed the colors to get the perfect green popped in his mind.

He sighed.

There was no use trying to hold back those memories. Watching Andrew eating his cereal while simultaneously trying to tweet just reminded him other mornings. After Andrew’s second day in high school, he wouldn’t shut up during breakfast about the art class and how the other students loved his style and of course, it was when he met the transfer student from Malaysia, Steven Lim, who even asked to keep one of his drawings.

“Dad, are you in there?” Andrew was waving a hand in front of him. “Earth to dad!”

Shane gave him a tiny nod and went back to staring at his now cold pancakes and coffee. Andrew’s voice was weak when he asked. “Are you thinking about mom again? It’s just that you have that look…”

This time Shane actually made an effort and fought back the urge to hide his emotions from the world. “I… No. Not really. Not now.” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I wasn’t thinking about her per se and I’m definitely not in love with her anymore, kiddo. I know you might think that I am..”

“It’s not that dad…” Shane made a gesture to stop him.

“It’s just hard to sort of filter my memories. Most of my happy memories with or without you are full of your mom’s presence and it’s tough to get over the fact that I was the happiest when we were together, probably the happiest I’ll ever be. I don’t think I can find someone that will make me feel like that again.” Andrew was looking at him with a concerned expression. “No! It’s not that I am unhappy. I mean, I have you! Andrew, you are the one thing in life that matters, the one thing that makes me wake up in the morning and actually thank god that I’m alive. For you being the way that you are, I’ll forever be grateful. I still can’t believe you chose us, that you chose me.”

“Dad, cut the sentimental crap!” he shouted, but he was visibly taken aback by his dad’s declaration. “You’ll find someone better for you, someone that deserves you. You and mom were okay, but okay doesn’t mean right, you get it?”

“So…” Shane didn’t want to discuss this any further, so he did what he was good at. He changed the focus of the conversation and with a teasing smile playing on his lips he continued. “Are you and Steven right, right?”

“Ugh, you are insufferable!” he snapped as he got up and stormed off to his room, leaving a very amused Shane and his very dirty bowl to be cleaned. As Shane washed the bowl he allowed himself to wonder if maybe his son was right. What if there is someone waiting for me? Nah, that’s bullshit.

XxXxXxXxX

“Have a great day, kiddo!” Shane handed Andrew his backpack and leaned on the side of the car. “Remember to give that Bergara dude hell.”

Andrew rolled his eyes and managed to give his dad a nod before turning around and going in the direction of Steven, who waved at Shane with as much energy as puppy. He watched them holding hands and disappearing inside the school building. It was the perfect image to have in his mind before jumping inside his car and going back to his eight hour shift at the Disney Studio where he would be trying keep sanity as he worked on a new animation project. But life had other plans. As he was about to turn away he noticed a cool Jeep pulling over at the teacher’s parking lot. Shane gritted his teeth as he saw the small guy hopping off the car.

Begara noticed him and as he walked in the direction of the school staring at Shane the whole time in what was supposed to be a menacing way. The staring match didn’t last much since when Ryan was about to climb the stairs to the building he tripped on his own foot and fell. Shane’s laughed was the only thing heard on the area. The other man quickly got up and stuck his middle finger to Shane which would’ve been offensive if he wasn’t blushing like a small kid. Shane chuckled again when he heard the main door of school being slammed.

“What a lovely day.” he said between giggles.

When Shane arrived at the studio there was, indeed, a pile of things to be done, but he was on such a big mood that he actually started to whistle some Disney songs. He turned his computer on and started to work on the animation, trying to make everything in sync and all the transitions smooth to facilitate the job of the Keith, the dude responsible for checking his progress and corrected small details.

The morning passed really fast. So fast Shane didn’t notice it was time to have his lunch break and got startled when Eugene touched his shoulder.

“Jesus, Madej. It’s break time. Stop working.”

Shane got up from his chair and stretched his body, lazily. He pocketed his phone and wallet and was about to leave when he decided to go back and take his sketchbook too. Today he was feeling creative. He decided to go to the Subway near the studio where he wouldn’t have to socialize with his co-workers and where people wouldn’t be asking questions about his doodles.

The place was almost empty, there was only a family of tourists with their ridiculously big Mickey Mouse Ears hats and faces full of sunscreen. Shane ordered a sandwich and chose a more reserved booth. He settled the sketchbook on the table and picked his favorite pencil, which was really small and was completely dented from falls and nervous teeth biting into it.

He gave a tentative bite on the sandwich and moaned slightly as he tasted the unique artificial flavors that only a fast-food chain restaurant could have. No wonder everyone called him a raccoon, he’d consider almost any food delicious. Or at least edible.

Shane started to sketch and after eating half of the food and finishing the face he realized he had drawn the fucking crazy teacher. Ryan Bergara. He ripped the page off and crunched the paper. Why would he draw that guy? He decided to keep the drawing though. It was fine art. So he got the little ball of paper and placed it on his jacket’s pocket.

There was still some time left before he had to go back to work, so he decided to get a nice ice cream cone. Shane bought one with two flavors ,vanilla and cookie though, of Mr. Tinsley a cool older guy that used to work as a detective or something like that in the 70s. Since it wasn’t a hot day, but the sun wouldn’t help the case of his ice cream, he found a nice bench underneath a tree.

He got his phone out and began to browse through Instagram. Then he stopped at a new photo of Steven. In the photo Steven was wearing a tinfoil hat, which wasn’t something so unusual, but the caption of the picture was the problem.

“What the fuck!” Shane perked up on the bench and gripped the ice cream cone harder. “‘@ryanbergara lended his cool hat to me, best teacher ever :)’”

It was impossible to ignore the urge to click on the username. In fact, Shane didn’t even try to hold back. He was bombarded by a series of photos of a Mr. Bergara at Disney and Universal Studios, puppies, Lakers and mirror selfies. He sucked in a breath. If the dude wasn’t bat shit crazy he would totally be my type. His bisexual senses were tingling so he decided to close the app. Nope.

I wonder if he has a twitter account? Maybe I could fight him. Shane clicked on the blue icon on his screen and typed bergara and there it was a @ryansbergara. Shane had a devilish smile as he analised the profile. The fucking profile picture was a photo of him wearing a tinfoil hat and his header was a screenshot of the X-files opening. Not surprising at all but that made Shane itchy to annoy the guy. That was practically begging to receive some of the old skeptic treatment that his family perfect through the generations.

Shane Madej - @shalexandej   01:39 PM

@ryansbergara hey dude nice hat. going to teach the kids how to do one… oh wait you already did!

He watched as a notification pop-up appeared on his screen only a few minutes later.

Ryan Bergara - @ryansbergara  01:42 PM

@shalexandej ha ha ha very funny stalker, i didnt teach them that!! i talked about how it is useless and actually applied some scientific concepts [GIF]

Shane Madej - @shalexandej   01:43 PM

@ryansbergara THANK GOD YOU DID THAT but i’ll have you know that i instructed my kid to make your life hell

Ryan Bergara - @ryansbergara  01:45 PM

@shalexandej oh really? Cause he actually helped in class

Shane Madej - @shalexandej   01:45 PM

@ryansbergara [GIF] NOOOOOO NOT MY KID BERGARA YOU ARE A CULT LEADER

Ryan Bergara - @ryansbergara  01:46 PM

@shalexandej hahahahahhahahsahs maybe ;)

Ryan Bergara - @ryansbergara  01:46 PM

@shalexandej i have to go prepare for my next class, see ya stalker [GIF]

Shane was about to reply when he receiver another type of notification. Ryan had just followed him. Well Bergara, this might be your downfall. He clicked on the follow button and he unconsciously knew how big of mistake that decision was.

[askguyslikeus]

oh shit yall send lots of questions hoo nelly answering almost all of them under the cut ,,, im gunan try and answer more technical ones first then fun ones and ones about the mod later so u dont gotta scroll all the way to the bottom for the good deets

Hi! I'm still kinda new to the blog and I was wondering what are the 'do and do-not' kind question I should do? Because im sure theres always that one ask thats just Innapropiated, like that one of Michael 'taking advantage og high Jeremy' that was just not cool.  i got this ask a lot so ill be clear with yall. im just not a big angst fan? so sending michael asks about his anxiety nonstop and about how he had a panic attack in the bathroom over and over again wasnt that fun. usually if it pertains the musical though you should be find sending an ask about it? but sometimes i get asks that are like “jeremy ur nothing and how does it feel knowing u fucked everything up” like homie how i think its feels? how u think hes gunna react to that? i made this blog to negate a lot of negativity in my own life so i can promise u im going to be answering asks mostly positive always forever. that being said tho i sometimes get asks pertaining to a few things that ive dealt with in the past and these topics make me very very uncomfortable. dont send asks about these topics please. this is the no no list

-self harm, cancer, suicide, rape, parent death, car accidents, sudden death.

What was your inspiration for this blog? hoo boy well,,, ultimately i thought of them rooming together and got emotional and made a huge list of headcanons and was like ,,, why not run an askblog for a bit ill just abandon it after three asks lets have some fun. but somehow im still here and i got sucked in by the complexity of michael and jeremy. i know that sounds kinda silly but just, as someone who is dealing with a lot of similar things, like dependency issues and abandonment issues and depression and anxiety, having these fun functioning character to explore was such a gift for me. i believe honestly thats why im still here and doing this. being able to try and portray a healthy relationship and a healthy way of coping and growing has helped me a lot this past month and given me an outlet i didnt have before. TBH THO the main reason i made this blog if imma be real with u guys id because i didnt like the treatment of a lot of these issues in the fandom. it made me very upset to see depression used as an plot device and michaels dependency issues treated as romantic so i wanted to make a blog that had little to no angst. ANYWAYS somehow im still here ,,, gvrkjvrnkjfd sorry i rambled

honestly I just wanna say first that I love his blog and your art and you're so cool and kind!! a question would be (I'm not sure if you've answered this before or not) but is there like an on going story here, or is it mostly just answering questions with the characters set in this universe? (if that makes sense I'm sorry!) thank you, you're super awesome! ❤️  djrnjg first off thank u so much aaaa,, ive kind of answered this before but its ok its been a while since then! but um i do kinda have a story but how howdy i sure am dragging my feet. the story isn a hUGE OVERARCHING EPIC OF WOE AND THIS PERSON IS UPSET AND THIS PERSON IS MAD AT THIS PERSON its just michael and jeremy getting together. i have a plan and ive talked to a few people on how i want it to happen but ive gained like ,,,, 6,000 followers since then and im kinda nervous BUT ILL DO MY BEST but also please understand that i do this for fun for myself and if i dont get to it im so so so sorry woops

i know this has been said before but i'm really really happy w how you're handling so many aspects of their characters. i.e. michael being trans, michael and jeremy's anxiety, michael's dependency issues, and other stuff i'm too tired to think of. you made the characters have even more depth than they did in the play and i'm rly grateful for the way you're dealing w my favorite boys. (also your richjake is suuuper adorable) ahhhhhh thank u so much? i talked a bit about this on my main but im really glad people are happy with my decision on this blog because im suPER SUPER NERvous anytime i post an ask dealing with these things. (ask hachi or nate i always message them like freaking out and send them my scripts and asks and wait for them to tell me its ok before i post it omg) also like i talked about before i love,,, having these fun stoner gamer boys to explore these issues with. im honestly shocked by how many people also deal with dependency issues because when i first listened to the musical i was so overwhlemed by the song michael int he bathroom because i had never heard someone basically write “dependency issue: the song” and it felt so so so good to realize i wasnt alone in this pit of despair i fall into so easily aha. but im!! glad everyone is ok with this wild ride im on right now (also thank u so much i struggle writing rich and jake but i get so emotional cause they would TOTES call each other babe)

how come you just use sketch form for most of your drawing (sketches and uses sketch for the final result)? im ,,, not really sure what this is asking but i thnk its along the lines of why do i only sketch my answers?? and i do that because dude do u see how often i post and how lONG some of them are. i made this blog for fun and i love doing comics but i hate lineart and coloring and if i tried to churn out finished pics for every post id defs have given up a few asks in,, shrugs

I want to say I love your little comics they're so funny! How long does it take you to make a comic? Are any of them based on your experiences? Ok have a nice day!  thank you! i love my little comics too! it usually takes me anywhere from an hour to five hours if im dragging my ass or talking on discord while im drawing. it can be kinda exhausting but since i took my break ive also been like, starting long comics one day and finishing them another day which, before i would do it all in one sitting then post it hahha. AS FOR EXPERIENCE the first half of the lifeguard comic was based on real life! we were stuck stoned up there for like an hour or two? but we didnt have anyone to help us but we got down eventually!! the wendys comic is also something i did because man!! i need to compliment food workers if they do a good job!! ummmmm just like jenna i also have a friend that said HAHA BYE and moved to cali and she is also lIVING IT UP and doing really well for herself and shes very independent and shes very inspiring to me! hmm i think thats it besides i used to have movie nights with my dad all the time too except we would watch my fave animated movies and sometimes lord of the rings cause my dad loved that

What kinds of things can we NOT ask ? What kinds of things do you WANT us to ask ? i covered the what not to ask in the first question so!!! um if my askbox is open and u want to respond to previous asks ive answered for the boys that would be so so so rad. sometimes im done with a certain ask and i have nothing to add but sometimes ive got more to say but am looking for an opportunity! that being said it made me really happy that i got a lot of asks about pj? shes not going to the main focus of any more asks but!!! i was nervous to introduce her and im glad u guys like her shes fun to write. but overall just general asks i can make a big ol fun story out of so!! dont worry too much about what to ask, if its something ud ask a real person and not like “lol what if ur dad died” ur gunna be fine probably

Hi! Not a question but your blog is so sweet and refreshing! I actually really appreciate that you refuse angst, that stuff tends to rub me the wrong way in fandoms... Keep taking good care of these boys ! gggg thank u!!! it means a lot to me that a lot of people are backing me up on this! i mean if u are an angst fan there are a lot of askblogs that explore that!! so its not in short supply bmc askblog fandoms got something for everyone

Which drawing program do you use?? i use paint tool sai and my tablet is a cintiq !!

this isn't really related to the faq but that bakunawa boy reference was great I LOVE THAT FIC MAN!!! the line was originally a little diff in that ask but i changed it cause ,,,, i could,,,,

an art style question. how do you keep the design of characters consistent from frame to frame? my characters they look a lil different every time I draw em (or a lot different) and it tends to disrupt the flow of my comics/animations ohh boy hoo wee props for doing animations im too scared to give that a whirl but!! it helps that i draw all the panels for an ask on one canvas! so if my next panel is going to be the same character in the same spot just in a diff pose i keep the lower layer on just at low opacity so i can use it as a ref! that helps me a lot!

Sorry if I'm nosy or rude, but are you reflecting Micheal Anxiety, Panic attacks and depence? iii think this is asking if i reflect my own issues onto them boys? and if so then yes i do. i dont place any of my own personality or anything on the boys but i do use them as a way to help me learn how to cope with my own shit and i try to deal with their issues in the healthiest way possible while also keeping in mind they are flawed individuals aaa

what are your pronouns??? and maybe your main blog??  im a cis girl so she/her is good! and my main is squigglegigs! also that being said IF YOU SEE THE USERNAME SQUIGGLEGIGS ANYWHERE JUST?? ASSUME ITS ME?? i have a twitter and an instagram and my tumblr account 

((Hello mod will Michael and Jeremy eventually someday get together. I love them.)) if all goes according to plan yes! if i get overwhelmed and stop having fun on this blog then no! sorry thems the breaks but! i do want them to get together so HOPEFULLY

going off on that confrience on pornogrefy for birds, Im geussing jeremy has played Hatoful Boyfriend. am I wrong? well it wasnt intended as that ref and i dont know anything about hatoful boyfriend but i can see jerm finding it and playing it so, sure homie! the pornography for birds thing is a my brother my brother and me reference! i love that show and them boys so give it a scope!

I'm crying bcuz Michael said he's in love with Jeremy and it's beautiful yeah that boy is DEEP IN love with his bro bro

Any advice for running an ask blog?? (Ps i love this blog keep it up) personally whats worked for me so far is doing just sketches for art. honestly ive been able to work so much more and post so much more often while also trying to work on my expressions and poses! also taking my own experiences and shaping them to fit the characters has been SO MUCH FUN. th most important thing tho is,,, dont overwork urself dude. if ur having a fun time it shows. if ur just forcing urself to churn out material and its not fun? like shit we doing this for free dont push urself? idk idk overall being looser with my art and writing the dialogue before hand has been the most helpful for me for this askblog! ive run a bunch before including @ask-maz and ive run that sporadically for ,, three or four years? its so funny cause u can see my art style juMP AROUND SO MUCH but i love that blog and i only update it like every other month or so but?? i still like doing it and no on likes those posts but it makes me smile so ANYWAYS

~ok from here on its mostly just me replying to nice messages or people asking me personal questions that dont pertain to askguyslikeus so!!~

I just wanted to say I really really love your blog and just your art in general!! Keep up the good work and hope you're having fun! thank u!!! i am having fun and im glad u enjoy it!!

What other musicals do you like? :0  i really like heathers A LOT. i also like doctor horrible i know thats not technically a musical but i just relistened to it and im emotional. i like dear evan hansen but it makes me really sad so i can only take it in moderation! ummm rent? chicago?? music man? now im just naming musicals i was in rip. being in a musical fandom is a new thing to me? i was really into heathers last year but didnt really interract with the fandom at SO THIS IS SUPER NEW?? ive never been into a musical as much as im into bmc and heathers tho

tell us a little bit about urself!! u seem v cool i am squigs or fork!! im 24 and work fulltime as a barista at starbucks! i get high on the beach with my friend gwen a lot and drink wayy to many slushies, my tv shows are brooklyn nine nine and bobs burgers right now! i table at conventions sometimes and sell my art as merch and whatnot and i cosplay as a hobby as well. im pretty boring but i draw a lot and always carry my big sketchbook with me and im pretty sure its given me back issues BUT OH WELL HAHA also i am very not cool THE TRUTH COMES OUT

Who do you most relate to from bmc and why? like ,,, a mix of michael and christine with a sprinkle of jeremy i guess ahaha i relate to michaels dependency issues and overarching positive attitude and love of music, i relate to christines bright disposition and the need to not stick to one set thing? like she loves theater cause she can be sO MANY PEOPLE and like same homie thats why i cosplay. and jeremys need to be likes while also ability to put himself out there is very relatable. i also identify strongly with his dad issues idk idk whats good

Also -- just thank you for how you handled all the panic attack and anxiety attack asks. I used to deal with anxiety attacks multiple times a day and it just was really nice that it was positive and not them having one. Thank you, sincerely. ahhhhhh ur so welcome i,,, have anxiety and it sucks and i deal with panic attacks like everyday at work so i dont really wanna come home and draw someone having one i guess? im glad its helping other people too tho!

Dude- I love your art? Actually so much? It's... I love it. The whole sketch-ish way your art style is, and the way you color, and the expressions! I'm so glad I found your work - you've given me so much inspiration. Keep doin what you're doin and I hope you have a good day! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ANytime any one compliments my expressions i die cause i legit made this blog to help with that as well ,,, like dam

im lvoe ur art style b o i :0 !!!!!!

Mod, I love you so much I love you you have my soul and my love and my eternal gratitude thank you and I love you (This is the guy who was excited about PJ on your ig live stream a while ago and I love you) !!!!!!!!! im so happy u like my content omg and that u like pj im so glad!! shes a good bean

I just wanna say... I'm crying over that post about Michael and his anxiety? cuz I know how it can feel that you're only your flaws and weaknesses, but Michael just tells that to screw off in the most wonderful way and I'm?? thank you so much for that post, I bookmarked it for future times when I can't look past my depression... honestly, that post made my day (along with every other post on this blog), thank you for being such a lovely part of this fandom ,,,, im,,,, im scared of a lot of this fandom tbh but if i can be something good that come out of it and my love of these boys and desire to show them functioning together in a healthy way can help other people its so much more than i ever thought id ever be able to do. i am blown away everyday by the support ive been given on this blog and i might be crying right now because i never thought id be able to touch other people like this and i just. im really glad yall are here with me for all this.

(To the mod: You are a beautiful person that I highly respect. I love this blog and what you set out to do. thanks for giving something that makes me smile and gives me something to look forward to everyday, keep up the good work! ❤ ) hey im still crying from the previous ask aaaaa im honestly so emotional

what are ur true feelings for wendy's??? i fucking love wendys man thats some top tier fast food right there

what fast food restaurant do you think has the best nuggets WENDYS HANDS DOWN

do you have a favorite movie? paranorman makes me very nostalgic and ive seen it like eighty times and used to watch it with my dad a lot and i love it

I would just like you to know that your Wendy's comic prompted me to pull the same thing with a bakery in the town I'm visiting and the baker got so excited and happy, so thank you for making that comic because I made that woman's day. GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD GOOD I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE COMPLIMENT ME WHEN IM WORKING DUDE LIKE IM SO GLAD IT MADE U DO THIS!!! IM SMILING REALLY BIG!!

chocolate milk or strawberry milk? or plain? woops i hate milk im so sorry

do u love michael mell with all of ur heart, mod?  i really truly do man what a fucking good ass character

hi squigs i love you! i love your content too and i hope u have a good day pal :>  WHAT A SWEET BEAN!!! THANK YOU?? OMG

I'm just saying that recent ask you did with Michael really hit me hard because I really related to it and I started crying because it made me realize that I've been pining my self worth on everything my anxiety causes and I'm so much more than that. Thank you, so much for that I really needed it because I'm in a really bad place right now. <3 -for the mod i legit cry everytime i get asks or dms like this cause once again the idea that im helping other people is so ovwehelming i love you??? i let myself just be”depressed” for ahwile and by that i mean i just,, let my sadness consume me and i was scared of getting better cause the sadness was all i knew for so long and just. its so easy to think u are ur illness but you are so much more. soooo much more man.

I relate A Lot to Michael so the way you portray him in the blog is really good, and I think it's really awesome you refuse to like?? do terrible stuff and answer bad questions just bc people wanna see that. You run this blog really well 👌  AHHHH THis is the biggest compliment thank u so much ,,, i get real anxious bout this blog soemtiems but then yall send me sweet things like this and its worth it man

Hey mod, just know you're a really cool person. Thanks for running this blog in the first place. Keep doing the great work.  thank you!!!! for ur support!!!! 

not really a question!! i just wanted to say your posts on this blog always brighten my day and you're really an incredible artist and person, keep rockin on my dude!! *clutching my heart* the fuck this is so sweet

1 .I just wanted to say your blog is really awesome! It's very lovely. I also like how you made michael trans and like handled it? (just with how all the characters treat him and stuff its v nice). Your art is super duper! Thanks for running this awesome blog! 2. Hey! This isn't a question but I wanted to say that I appreciate michael being trans!! As a trans boy it's just rly awesome to see something like that casually thrown into an ask blog without making it a huge weird deal :D immm,,, i kinda really love the idea of michael being trans cause a lot of my trans male friends are actually pretty confident in their skin and michael is a very confident character? and u rarely see that with trans representation and its so refreshing to see it portrayed well. im trying to do that here but again if! i do anything wrong let me know!

how did you first get into art? (also i really love your blog, it's amazing!) ive been drawing as long as i remember! ive got mad adhd and wasnt diagnosed until late in ym life so i would just draw nonstop in my classes ahaha i used to read the sunday comics a lot and they really inspired me to try and make comics of my own too!! (and omg thank u) 

someone also asked me if i went to church or was religious but tumblr ate the ask but i used to go to church a lot as a kid but im currently not religious at all aaa

ok holy shit that was a lot but thanks again to everyone i legit cry a lot about how supportive u all are thank u so much aaaa