#but probably not because im a stupid person who makes stupid choices sometimes

[teruthecreator]

gimme 1 and 17 dialtown ☎️

hiiiii griffin i hope you're having a good time at graduation. probably not since u sent this ask but hey man i get i too was on my phone during graduation. anyway

1. the character everyone gets wrong

oh boy where do i start with this. i mean like. tee bee aych i feel like most people have a fundamental misunderstanding of randy. like he's not pathetic for pathetics sake he kind of intentionally puts himself in the worst situations imaginable to feed his worldview of everything being bad for Him specifically and no one else. the fandom kind of babygirls him? like treats him softer and generally makes him more of a shy uwu guy rather than a person stuck deeply in his own fractured worldview that is intentionally letting himself get worse. like randy's whole route is about making him realize his happiness is His Choice, His Decision and not a work of fate/luck/unseen outside force that he has to relinquish control to, and everyone just goes "yeah but what if we make him sopping wet uwu yaoibait guy with oliver".

speaking of oliver i feel like EEEEEEEEEVERYBODY makes him way too wacky and not actually grounded. like, despite his many odd mannerisms and such, he is still one of the few characters who has a job and is able to Maintain That throughout his route (though, of course, in the good route it changes). oliver is a pretty stable guy, all things considered. sure he talks funny and has a general inclination for the ridiculous, but a lot of people kinda coke him up and let him run loose like he's a wild animal. and i think it's more fun if you ground him in a place of reality and then let him play. instead of being the guy to drag people into stuff, let him be a part of a scenario and see what his reactions are. much more fun. also i feel like a lot of people forget how, like, awkward he is? like he tends to apologize when he says really outlandish/forward shit and seems to view Himself as a "freak" in a way that would suggest he's aware of how he stands in comparison to most people. like dude knows he's weird, and that's not Always a good thing.

and yknow what while im talking about the main dateables i would be remiss to bring up karen because like. WOW. i mean this is a problem with most fandom spaces unfortunately but the way people straightman her is so fucking sad. like people forget she literally quit her job on a Whim because someone vaguely suggested leaving and she went full throttle. karen is impulsive and karen makes bad decisions based on rash judgments and she is generally not that hard to goad into doing something stupid. i mean, she agreed to a date with gingi. twice! that takes some real loose grips on impulse control to just go along with that. like sure she is a bit more deadpan than, say, oliver, but she does have a sense of humor. she likes to use sarcasm! she has wit she has sass. also she is like. INSANELY jealous and i feel like a lot of people dont hone in on that aspect of her being the reason why she is sometimes so rash. she is fiercely protective of those she considers "hers". she wanted to Kill A Giraffe because gingi liked it. she is jealous she is rash she is impulsive PLAY IN THE SPACE STOP MAKING HER THE DEADPAN STRAIGHTMAN ITS SO BORINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

okay that's enough of that but just know i could've done it for every character

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

maybe i am insanely ridiculously biased but there should more content of mingus and norm. or just mingus. or norm. those two are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fascinating and i feel like people kinda gloss over that. like they're similar beasts in their rampant paranoia and flawed perspective on callum/the world and they butt heads about it like crazy. generally their dynamic is one of the most interesting parts of chapter 3 to me and i feel like there really isn't enough chapter 3-focused content out there. we should talk about these guys more. and if i have to stand on a podium and take a stand there should be more content of MINGUS. girl is the driving antagonist of AN ENTIRE ARC. BASICALLY THE WHOLE GAME IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT. AND NOOOOOO I DON'T SEE HER ANYWHERE. IS IT BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T FIT IN YOUR FOUND FAMILY DYNAMIC? IS IT BECAUSE SHE'S A WOMAN? I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DIRECT YOU PEOPLE TOWARDS HER BUT I WANT TO. if my brain was functioning at the capacity it was last july i would've written ten million fics about her i have so many days. alas, i don't know if they'll ever happen... (but if people were curious i would gladly share)

but in a slightly more biased take, i think there needs to be more normingus in the world. how we were the chosen few to proclaim the good word of normingus is beyond me. like don't get me wrong i'm happy tryt had its impact but JESUS CHRIST I SHOULD NOT BE THE MOST POPULAR. SOMEONE ELSE COME TRY AND PLAY IN THE SPACE WITH ME. I CAN GIVE YOU IDEAS. I CAN GIVE YOU SO MANY IDEAS.

[metanarrates]

Hello. Sorry if this a stupid question u can ignore if u want.

How can someone get better at media analysis? Besides obviously reading a lot.

Im asking this bc im in a point where im aware of my own lack of tools to analyze stories, but i don't know where to get them or how to get better in general. How did you learn to analyze media? There's any specific book, essay, author, etc that you recommend? Somewhere to start?

I'm asking you because you are genuinely the person who has the best takes on this site. Thank you for you work!

it sounds like a cop-out answer but it's always felt like a skill I acquired mostly thru reading a ton, and by paying a lot of attention in high school literature classes. because of that I can't promise that I'm necessarily equipped to be a good teacher or that i know good resources. HOWEVER! let me run some potential advice to you based on the shit i get a lot of mileage out of

first off, a lot of literary analysis is about pattern recognition! not just pattern recognition in-text, but out-of-text as well. how does this work relate to its genre? real-world history? does it have parallels between real-life situations? that kind of thing.

which is a big concept to just describe off the bat, so let me break it down further!

in literature, there is the concept of something called literary devices - they are some of the basic building blocks in how a story is delivered mechanically and via subtext. have you ever heard of a motif? that is a literary device. it's a pattern established in the text in order to further the storytelling! and here is a list of a ton of common literary devices - I'd recommend reading the article. it breaks down a lot of commonly used ones in prose and poetry and explains their usage.

personally, I don't find all the literary devices I've learned about in school to be the most useful to my analytical hobbies online. motifs, themes, and metaphors are useful and dissecting them can bring a lot to the table, but a lot of other devices are mostly like fun bonus trivia for me to notice when reading. however, memorizing those terms and trying to notice them in the things you read does have a distinct benefit - it encourages you to start noticing patterns, and to start thinking of the mechanical way a story is built. sure, thinking about how the prose is constructed might not help you understand the story much more, but it does make you start thinking about how things like prose contribute to the greater feeling of a piece, or how the formatting of a piece contributes to its overall narrative. you'll start developing this habit of picking out little things about a text, which is useful.

other forms of in-text pattern recognition can be about things like characterization! how does a character react to a certain situation? is it consistent with how they usually behave? what might that tell you about how they think? do they have tells that show when they're not being trustworthy? does their viewpoint always match what is happening on screen? what ideas do they have about how the world works? how are they influenced by other people in their lives? by social contexts that might exist? by situations that have affected them? (on that note, how do situations affect other situations?)

another one is just straight-up noticing themes in a work. is there a certain idea that keeps getting brought up? what is the work trying to say about that idea? if it's being brought up often, it's probably worth paying attention to!

that goes for any pattern, actually. if you notice something, it's worth thinking about why it might be there. try considering things like potential subtext, or what a technique might be trying to convey to a reader. even if you can't explain why every element of a text is there, you'll often gain something by trying to think about why something exists in a story.

^ sometimes the answer to that question is not always "because it's intentional" or even "because it was a good choice for the storytelling." authors frequently make choices that suck shit (I am a known complainer about choices that suck shit.) that's also worth thinking about. english classes won't encourage this line of thinking, because they're trying to get you to approach texts with intentional thought instead of writing them off. I appreciate that goal, genuinely, but I do think it hampers people's enthusiasm for analysis if they're not also being encouraged to analyze why they think something doesn't work well in a story. sometimes something sucks and it makes new students mad if they're not allowed to talk about it sucking! I'll get into that later - knowing how and why something doesn't work is also a valuable skill. being an informed and analytical hater will get you far in life.

so that's in-work literary analysis. id also recommend annotating your pages/pdfs or keeping a notebook if you want to close-read a work. keeping track of your thoughts while reading even if they're not "clever" or whatever encourages you to pay attention to a text and to draw patterns. it's very useful!

now, for out-of-work literary analysis! it's worth synthesizing something within its context. what social settings did this work come from? was it commenting on something in real life? is it responding to some aspects of history or current events? how does it relate to its genre? does it deviate from genre trends, commentate on them, or overall conform to its genre? where did the literary techniques it's using come from - does it have any big stylistic influences? is it referencing any other texts?

and if you don't know the answer to a bunch of these questions and want to know, RESEARCH IS YOUR FRIEND! look up historical events and social movements if you're reading a work from a place or time you're not familiar with. if you don't know much about a genre, look into what are considered common genre elements! see if you can find anyone talking about artistic movements, or read the texts that a work might be referencing! all of these things will give you a far more holistic view of a work.

as for your own personal reaction to & understanding of a work... so I've given the advice before that it's good to think about your own personal reactions to a story, and what you enjoy or dislike about it. while this is true that a lot of this is a baseline jumping-off point on how I personally conduct analysis, it's incomplete advice. you should not just be thinking about what you enjoy or dislike - you should also be thinking about why it works or doesn't work for you. if you've gotten a better grasp on story mechanics by practicing the types of pattern recognition i recognized above, you can start digging into how those storytelling techniques have affected you. did you enjoy this part of a story? what made it work well? what techniques built tension, or delivered well on conflict? what about if you thought it sucked? what aspects of storytelling might have failed?

sometimes the answer to this is highly subjective and personal. I'm slightly romance-averse because I am aromantic, so a lot of romance plots will simply bore me or actively annoy me. I try not to let that personal taste factor too much into serious critiques, though of course I will talk about why I find something boring and lament it wasn't done better lol. we're only human. just be aware of those personal taste quirks and factor them into analysis because it will help you be a bit more objective lol

but if it's not fully influenced by personal taste, you should get in the habit of building little theses about why a story affected you in a certain way. for example, "I felt bored and tired at this point in a plot, which may be due to poor pacing & handling of conflict." or "I felt excited at this point in the plot, because established tensions continued to get more complex and captured my interest." or "I liked this plot point because it iterated on an established theme in a way that brought interesting angles to how the story handled the theme." again, it's just a good way to think about how and why storytelling functions.

uh let's see what else. analysis is a collaborative activity! you can learn a lot from seeing how other people analyze! if you enjoy something a lot, try looking into scholarly articles on it, or youtube videos, or essays online! develop opinions also about how THOSE articles and essays etc conduct analysis, and why you might think those analyses are correct or incorrect! sometimes analyses suck shit and developing a counterargument will help you think harder about the topic in question! think about audience reactions and how those are created by the text! talk to friends! send asks to meta blogs you really like maybe sometimes

find angles of analysis that interest and excite you! if you're interested in feminist lenses on a work, or racial lenses, or philosophical lenses, look into how people conduct those sort of analyses on other works. (eg. search feminist analysis of hamlet, or something similar so you can learn how that style of analysis generally functions) and then try applying those lenses to the story you're looking at. a lot of analysts have a toolkit of lenses they tend to cycle through when approaching a new text - it might not be a bad idea to acquire a few favored lenses of your own.

also, most of my advice is literary advice, since you can broadly apply many skills you learn in literary analysis to any other form of storytelling, but if you're looking at another medium, like a game or cartoon, maybe look up some stuff about things like ludonarrative storytelling or visual storytelling! familiarizing yourself with the specific techniques common to a certain medium will only help you get better at understanding what you're seeing.

above all else, approach everything with intellectual curiosity and sincerity. even if you're sincerely curious about why something sucks, letting yourself gain information and potentially learning something new or being humbled in the process will help you grow. it's okay to not have all the answers, or to just be flat-out wrong sometimes. continuing to practice is a valuable intellectual pursuit even if it can mean feeling a tad stupid sometimes. don't be scared to ask questions. get comfortable sometimes with the fact that the answer you'll arrive at after a lot of thought and effort will be "I don't fully know." sometimes you don't know and that can be valuable in its own right!

thank you for the ask, and I hope you find this helpful!

[four-dogteeth]

RP AD! Call of Duty, Ghoap, NSFW, real degenerate shit!!!

I read a fanfic like this that absolutely destroyed me. I need to explore the idea of Ghost having some severe medical trauma from Roba… And being desperately in love with his best mate.

Also I have never actually played COD. i know about the character backstories and such but I don’t know everything about the actual games themselves or the military BHAHAH. I might switch around some of the stories to help my idea so im sorry about that but idrc 🙏🏻

Tw for sexual assualt, medical trauma, past abuse, shit like that

Simon “Ghost” Riley. That’s his name.

Sometimes, he needs to remind himself that, so used to the name Ghost. The mask, too. It keeps his face hidden. At first, it was some cringey choice he had made as a new recruit, but after Roba, after New Mexico, he couldn’t stand seeing his face.

It went from being a stupid mask and to being his face. He felt less himself with the thing off. But all of that happened 9 fucking years ago, and he shouldn’t worry about it anymore. Everyone calls him Ghost, but when he’s with Johnny…

Well, he calls him a range of names. LT. Simon. Ghost. Sir. That last one always drives him crazy.

Either way, it feels natural with Johnny. Everything does. 3 years of friendship does that. And his best mate is probably the person he trusts the most- he’s even one of the few people who know about New Mexico at all. Not the gorey details, of course. If he knew about the meat hook, the scorpions… God forbid the doctor who chopped his fucking manhood off.

9 years. 9 years without his cock attached to his fucking body. And not a single soul knowing but Price, who had been there when the doctors were treating him, and the doctors themselves. No one else knew.

That’s what he’s been struggling with the most. Johnny not knowing, that is. He always took the man as straight. He only talked about women, but clearly not, because he asked Simon out tonight. A drink, just the two of them. He isn’t an idiot. He’s almost certain what this is.

He stares in the mirror, trying to decide whether or not to wear the mask. He doesn’t even know why he agreed to this. If Soap is interested, that means he would have to explain. He would need to tell Soap he doesn’t have a penis. The idea of it makes him nauseous…

Then he hears the knock on the door. Simon sighs, leans his head into his hand to try and calm himself back down.

“Come on in, Johnny.”

[alaskan-wallflower]

south park high school headcanons

TW for drinking and smoking (i have t watched the post pandemic special, so i don’t quite consider if canon..? I dunno though please don’t come for me-)

Eric Cartman:

Doesn’t give a shit about school tbh

I mean he’s probably a solid C/D student

Probably sits next to the teacher, lmao

He’s a pretentious little bitch, we know this, and he probably just harasses kids all the time

Like if there’s a presentation or something he’s probably pretending to be asleep or something

(especially if it’s Kyle)

Probably makes fun of everyone for their class choices

”Oh of course Kahl is taking economics. Those damn Jews” or “Kenny, why are you taking home economics if we all know you’re poor as hell and don’t have any food in your trailer to make this shit anyway?”

Was probably that one annoying kid who laughed during sex ed

Flips the teachers off when they aren’t looking

Is probably an angel to all the teachers but to the students, he’s a massive dick

Probably tried making Kyle fail his classes by hacking into the website

They only knew it was him because for comments/observations tab he put some ‘stupid Jew’ spiel

He’s dumb as shit sometimes

Bullies freshmen

Probably started Freshie Friday

Hes the kind of person to spray Axe Body Speay everywhere and has probably made multiple people sick because of it

Failing Gym

Mainly because he never makes up classes and refused to swim in ‘contaminated water’ (probably aimed at the girls or Kenny)

Doesnt date through high school

because nobody wanted to date a neonazi manipulative asshole

Probably didn’t do any clubs

He probably joined the Gay Straight Alliance (run probably by Big Gay Al) and ripped on everyone there

Got bored and never went back after he ran out of jokes

Honestly he’s probably to lazy to do any clubs after school

He doesn’t like staying in school after he’s already

Probably has gotten suspended a few times

(likely for putting a cherry bomb in Kyle’s locker)

Im kinda lost on Cartman lmao

Stan Marsh

Honestly? He probably drank a lot in high school

Kyle often had to take care of him and scold him for drinking

Stan’s probably a B/C student

Probably studies better in a group than alone

Thanks the stars that Shelley is a senior and will leave him alone

(though I do think she somewhat mellowed down, though she still threatens to beat the fuck out of him sometimes)

And Sharon probably helps him when she isn’t busy

But he feels awkward going to her for help

Randy is awful to study with

”So if I have x amounts of condoms and y amounts of-“ “Fuck this Im calling Kyle”

Kyle is his study buddy when he can’t turn to anyone else

which is pretty often

He pays pretty good attention in class

Probably still dating Wendy tbh

Stan definitely wears like zip up hoodies and ripped jeans and such

Probably bleached the lower half of his hair

it didn’t look good

His hair’s greasy af i’m calling it

Its fluffy when he washes it but that’s a rarity

Uses 3 in 1

wears gloves everywhere

lowkey germaphobe

Probably joined some sort of after school activity

Probably some sort of helping the community club

Tbh he failed chemistry multiple times

Hes trying though

Graduates with probably a solid 3.2 GPA

(idk how colorado does it i’m just going based off of where i live)

Probably goes to college and then drops out after two years

Works a few jobs because he wants to get out of the house

Overall good student, 7/10

Kyle Broflovski

That rare breed between nerd and jock

Hes probably one of those athletic kids getting awards and stuff all the time

Def on the swim team during the fall/spring and the basketball team during the winter

Also does a bunch of those community clubs (things that you would join to get into NHS)

His parents are probably super strict about grades

Theyre all about ‘keeping a good example for Ike’

So he usually beats himself up if he gets a grade below a 95

Speaking of, he’s probably top of his class ngl

Very smart

Studies better alone and probably isn’t the greatest at helping others study, but he’s trying

Honestly probably gets a little less insecure(?) about his hair and doesn’t wear his hat as much

Still barely takes it off but he’ll leave it off during sporting events

I know that thing smells like ass/hj

Probably wears a lot of flannels and t-shirts

Has reading glasses (they’re thick rimmed and brown)

Either that or he wears contact lenses but glasses are more convenient for him

Doesnt like wearing them because they remind him of his cousin Kyle Schwartz

Probably in all honors/AP/college courses

Gets academic awards a lot

He probably did band for one year to fulfill one of his miscellaneous credits (he played clarinet)

He’s probably one of the sweeter kids though, sports help him work through his anger issues

Still snaps at Cartman a lot though

Sometimes doesn’t take good care of himself between sports and studying

So Stan whips him into line

Probably had one partner through high school, doesn’t really play around much

Either that or he doesn’t date at all, he’s just too busy

If he were to date it’s be in junior/senior year, maybe sophomore year if it was the right person and they weren’t needy or too demanding of his time

Probably graduated with an advanced diploma

Goes to some ivy league school

Solid 4.0/4.1 GPA

Majors in math and minors in science

Kenny McCormick

Ngl he doesn’t give a shit

Probably failing some of his classes, has a few B’s, some D’s, he’s really scattered when it comes to grades

Probably skips class sometimes when he doesn’t feel like going

Still wears that same parka

He’s still taking home economics/hj

Probably sneaks into the girls changing room as Princess Kenny 🤭

That one kid who has a crush on all his female teachers

”Guys my average is a 69”

Hes the glue to keep all the boys together but tbh I feel like they drift apart and go their own directions during high school

They probably have like-game days on Saturdays though

He wants to keep the group together though because they’re probably more family than his own family (minus Karen)

Still dies a lot

Probably tries to die so he can get out of doing tests and such

Is the reason they don’t allow costumes at Halloween (he was def a playboy bunny)

Probably takes a lot of non honors/no college courses

The latter even less so because his family can’t afford it

Graduates with a barely passing GPA and goes to community college

Probably ended up dropping out tho

But he still makes sure to keep in touch with all the boys (minus cartman but he keeps in touch with Butters)

Butters Stotch

(speaking of-)

Honestly? Solid B student

Is probably still the most naive of the group, though he does stick up for himself now

Doesn’t like being called Butters much but Leopald is worse

So he either goes by Butters or Leo

Probably has a knack for history??

Honestly doesn’t do all honors courses, proabbly does honors history and maybeeee honors English

Sucks at math

His parents ground him a lot because of this

So he ends up with a tutor

He goes to the girls’ sleepovers as Margerine sometimes

Grew out of his Hello Kitty obsession :(

(…tbh he was probably into Pusheen at some point-)

Anyway

Probably has a solid 3.5 GPA or something

Doesn’t graduate at the top of his class but he isn’t the dumbest person in the room

Probably is involved in the theater department

Honestly very artsy??

Probably takes a lot of art classes because he loves it so much

Majors in it!!

Probably minors in history too :)

Hes pretty nice to everyone in his classes and maybe even dates in high school..?

His parents don’t like it though

And he can’t go out much because he gets grounded a lot still

Overall pretty good!!

Tolkien Black

Probably still dating Nicole

Salutatorian

Probably competes with Kyle a lot because of academics

Hes in the band

Plays trumpet

Of course Cartman says shit about this all the time, I’m calling it

Him and Kyle do butt heads a lot but honestly I feel like they’d end up being pretty good friends

Still cringed at his old TikToks

Hes probably in most AP/honors classes

Probably majors in music in college?

Or maybe he minors in it

Most likely the latter

He’a your go to study person

He’s pretty nice about it too, he doesn’t shame you for getting the answers wrong

He’s that one kid who has house parties a lot when his parents aren’t home

Mainly because Cartman kept calling him a pussy and saying he had no balls

Doesn’t have alcohol though

Him and Nicole were probably voted cutest couple

Them or Tweek and Craig

He hangs out with Clyde a lot and helps him with his courses

Hes probably class president tbh

Or maybe vice president

His parents donate tons of money to the school

Hes pretty level headed and calm during tests and quizzes

He’s really focused and motivated in school

Overall solid 3.9 GPA

Probably only behind Kyle by very little

And he’s okay with it

He probably goes to some hardcore Ivy League school like Harvard or Yale or some shit

Probably uses music as a side hustle in college to help pay for his classes

He was hellbent on paying for colllege alone, or mostly alone. He didn’t want people thinking he was only at said college because he was rich.

Pretty good overall, 10/10

Clyde Donovan

Clyde…is Clyde

Hes a dumbass

A lovable dumbass big a dumbass nonetheless

Scored so low on his SAT the first time he took it

Cries to Tolkien all the time because of his grades but when Tolkien tries to help him he gets distracted and leaves

He’s that one hella sporty kid though

Definitely captain of the soccer team

Probably in the Gay Straight Alliance for ‘shits and giggles’ but then finds out he’s pan, lmao

I feel like him and Bebe are really tight

They go shoe shopping together

Cries when he loses Kahoot

Uses Chat GDP to talk to girls 🫢

Honestly is probably like-weirdly good at math but nothing else

Calls Kyle and Tolkien his algebros whenever they’re grouped together

(i kinda hdc that he’s in honors math too with kyle and tolkien)

That honors math course saved his GPA

honestly it’s probably a 3.0 or a 3.1

Hes not completely dumb though

He gets a lot of sports awards and stuff

Kinda headcanon Clyde to have dyslexia?

So maybe that makes things a little more difficult for him

Studies better in groups

Gets easily distracted tho

He’s a horrible test taker

Cries whenever he can’t figure out the answer

Overall, he’s kinda mid

He probably goes to college tho

He stays in college for two years before he graduates

He was probably their star football player, so they were probably sad to see him go

But academically, he’s not great

Craig Tucker

Science geek

Mainly Earth Science but any science is basically a second language to him

He’s honestly probably good at English too?? like he’s a really good writer

Hes probably in honors English and Science

He combusts when it comes to geometry and map work

He’s bad with dates

Like he can hardly remember his anniversary with Tweek or his own birthday half the time

He’s pretty good at helping people study if it’s one on one

He’ll bully some people harder than others when it comes to helping them though

Goes after Clyde a lot of the time whenever he comes over for extra help

”Of you would leave I would be sooooo happy.”

He’s nice with Tweek though

Helps him not to panic during tests and such, probably gives him a lot of fidget toys too

(most of which are space themed)

Speaking of, I do kinda headcanon Craig with some kind of neurodivergent condition like autism or something

I kinda feel like space would be his special interest

He mellowed out a lot after middle school, but he still flips everyone off

Thats usually the extent though

His locker is an absolute mess, I already know it

The teachers for the most part like him

He pays attention and such

Probably wears reading glasses, they’re thin though and he doesn’t wear them a lot

Eric third wheels him and Tweek’s study dates a lot too

He studies online using things like Quizlet and stuff

Loves reading

He’s probably snuck out of class a few times, but doesn’t do it often

Solid 3.7/3.8 GPA

Probably in the top 20% in his class

Goes to a pretty good college, probably on the west coast like in California or something

He’s pretty good in school

Tweek Tweak

Horrible test taker

Probably has to go to a different room, which just stresses him out more

Tbh Eric probably got him to get high once or twice

It did calm him down but it also freaked Craig the fuck out

Especially because this was during lunch

Tweek was fine, he was just extraordinarily sick and Craig was not happy

The teachers don’t really like Tweek

They think he’s a distraction and a ‘bad influence’ for other kids because of his freak outs

He hogs the coffee machine at school istg

I kinda headcanon Tweek to have acid reflux too?? So his stomach ends up gurgling in class and making weird sounds and the teachers get mad-

And this freaks him out even more because he thinks he’s dying

”Why is it doing that?! Why?! Did someone poison the coffee?! Did the underpants gnomes come back?! GAH!”

He’s hella good in gym class

Tweek on the track team??? anyone???

It helps him burn through some of his anxiety

He probably has a 504 too after his parents kept getting calls about his anxiety

Goes to the school counselor a lot

He probably brings fidget toys to class a lot and often has to give Craig his phone so he doesn’t end up getting hooked in on something some celebrity said and then start freaking out

He’s probably really good at English

Reading helps him forget about his anxiety for a bit

He always has to double/triple check to make sure he hasn’t missed anything

He uses his agenda religiously

Its probably stained with coffee and smells like a mixture of coffee and honey and sweat

His hands sweat and shake a lot during tests

He’s probably barely passing math, Craig helps him through science

He’s alright in social studies

His lowest grade is probably a 75

Craig and Tolkien help him out a lot too

I feel like he studies better one on one though

Too many people in one group makes him feel easily overwhelmed

He probably graduates with a 3.4 GPA or so

Goes to college in New England, he thinks city life will calm him down

Spoiler, it doesn’t

He probably drops out after a year or two before applying somewhere on the West coast to be closer to Craig and some of his other friends

English major and art minor??

I feel like he’s really good at art too

Art helps him vent in a healthy manner

Good student, not great, but good

Wendy Testaburger

Honestly? She’s actually low key smart

She was probably third in her class

She’s very good in math and english

She probably takes all the super hard classes too to ‘challenge herself’

She probably invites all the girls (maybe Princess Kenny and Margerine/hj) over for study date sleepovers

They never end up studying

But it does make for a pretty good time

Shes a really good test taker, but she probably ends up being too hard on herself too

Stan probably (reluctantly) asks her for help a lot of the time too

Social studies is the thing she excels in the most

Especially women’s history

She’s probably in a lot of clubs too, like the community service clubs

Shes secretary of her class, methinks

(I think Tolkien would be president, Kyle would be VP, she would be secretary and Bebe would be treasurer)

Cartman ran but they found out he rigged the votes

She’s all for being just and fair, so this pissed her off to no end

She needs glasses, her eyesight worsened after middle school

So freshman year she got glasses

I can see her doing girls wrestling

Shes probably a somewhat sporty kid, not like Kyle sporty but sporty nonetheless

She’s kind of a geek too lol

I feel like her and Kyle and Bebe are actually pretty good friends

They play chess together lol

Shes actually really sweet to like, new kids and such-probably shows them around

She gets some muscle after wrestling for so long

She also probably does track and field

I can see her being really good in long jumping

She kinda sucks at science though

She takes French

She graduates with a 3.85/3.95 GPA

Probably leaning towards the latter number

She probably goes to the west coast as well, probably somewhere in Nevada or California as well

She does pretty well, she goes to a really good school and probably majors in History and minors in English

I can see her being an English:History teacher

Probably for younger kids though

She stays on Twitch with Bebe and Heidi for hours istg

Shes so sweet, i love wendy tbh

Bebe Stevens

I know her mom is like the dumb blonde stereotype, but I feel like Bebe would be somewhat smart

She’s probably not top of her class but that’s not to say she’s not smart

She honestly is probably in the top 10% of her class

Her and Wendy and Kyle probably do study sessions together

She’s really competitive, so she kinda gets mad if Wendy gets a better score than her lol

Shes really artsy

Took AP art

Shes probably in AP Social Studies and honors English as well

Shes fine with reading, she doesn’t like it, but she’ll do it

Shes really good at math tho

Shes not so good at science, similarly to Wendy

So usually Kyle takes the lead on science during study sessions

She’s that one kid to be like ‘tall the substitute teacher is so hot!’ unironically

Shes hella hood at sewing

She’s probably gonna end up going into fashion tbh

She’s oddly good with money

Treasurer of her class

She probably helps organize prom and homecoming and stuff

Doesn’t date, she crushes around though, but she never actually asked anyone out

She’s really intense ngl, she probably taught Wendy how to fight

She’s on the cheer team

She isn’t a prick though, she’s probably one of the most bubbly cheerleaders out there tbh

Shes also in art club

Maybe does theater too?

She’s in band and choir, she actually has a really lovely voice

She can play flute really well too

Shes pretty smart, solid 3.7/3.8 GPA

Graduates and goes to a New England school, like in New York or Connecticut

She majors in Fashion Design and minors in Art

Heidi Turner

She’s not the brightest

Not to say she isn’t smart, she just isn’t very academically inclined

She probably takes a lot of the mythology classes and such

Shes really into star signs and crystals

Her and Craig started a ‘Space Club’ and actually got a few members to join

She kicked Eric out tho

She’s hella hood at Math and English

The rest is history

Sges probably grown a lot since the whole ‘Cartwoman’ incident

And she’s a lot kinder to people now

She’s weird, but a good kind of weird

She gives away crystals as a gift a lot to new freshman

Shes in the choir!!

She actually has a really amazing voice, she’s been doing choir for years

Shes that one senior that all the freshman flock to because she’s the kindest

She stands up for them where they’re being bullied too, tells them to be wary of Cartman

Shes hella short (4’11’’)

So she often gets picked on like ‘aw, someone went into the wrong building!’ or something stupid like that

She’s so sweet though, she’s that one friend who offers to help you with your homework and then just gives you all the answers

She graduates with maybe a 3.6 GPA or so

She probably stays local tbh, for college

Either that or she would go down to New York or smth

Probably gets into a decent school and majors in music

Wait no, she majors in psychology and minors in music

She becomes an art and music therapist, she loves helping people out

i love heidi 🤭

reblog >>>>> liking

[hotgirlstiles]

Genuinely how do you think stiles would react if he found out he and Paige were very similar? Would he ask derek something like do you think of her when you look at me?....

oh god you have NO idea how much this ask makes me so fucking crazy. Im literally the patron saint of making stiles suffer and go crazy. HES MY LITTLE DOLL!!!!

anyways. i think. god. yall already know how much i LOVE and talk about how both derek and the sheriff lost their ultimate loved one and how stiles is the literal embodiment of those two loved ones. i go batshit crazy whenever i think abt (after claudia’s death) stiles just missing his mom and maybe trying on her clothes in secret and her perfume and everything about her and it being one of the reasons why the sheriff (during his drunk eps) had absolutely. been so mean to him because that’s his wife and his son is the splitting image of her (physically and personality wise) and it just hurts

AND THEN YOU FACTOR IN PAIGE STILES AND ITS SO FUCKING. i genuinrly cannot even put it into enough words how much it makes me crazy. paige. jennifer. and how theyre both SO stiles. i just know stiles heart shattered when peter was telling that story and i KNOW stiles went on some research rampage on bh yearbooks and saw paige and just. this very devastating oh moment. immediately goes back and thinks abt every moment w derek and its like some slap to the face

i dont think stiles would outrigbt ask derek smthn like that but i feel like it would send stiles into a spiral similar to how or what happened w sheriff and claudia and i think thats such a painful cycle of just being this someone. the second choice almost—some kind of cheap copy of someone’s beloved because he was never really claudia nor was he really ever paige but sometimes does he try because he thinks thats all he is (some fake grade a copy of the original)

which probably makes it also insane because remember when the nogutsune split into two stile. sorry i dont even know how thats connected it just cane into my mind and now i had to say it

anyways im insane over this im genuinely always fucking thinking about stiles will always resemble derek and the sheriff’s lost loved ones and the implications of it to stiles, who has always been the underdog and has always received love in such thin barely there offhanded touches

ok apparently im not yet done cause i think When stiles found out abt paige canon-wise was like perfect since it was like that barely there conenction of sterek happening. oh my god if stiles found out abt paige during s3b itd be fuckkng DISASTER. imagine finding out you have frontotemporal dementia—essentially dying the same way your mother did, the EXACT same way your mother did right in front of your dad, aka he would experience his beloved’s death AGAIN—and then finding out your crush’s first fucking love literally has rhe same personality and looks as you. i would genuinely commit myself to eichen house at that point like i would never show my face to the sheriff and derek ever again

ok. on the topic of established sterek approaching that topic. i feel like it’d come randomly from stiles, like every topic does, and maybe on some quiet night just playing with derek’s fingers laying in bed and he’d just quietly ask “was paige pretty?” and derek would say some stupid shit like yeah you two looked very similar you two could be siblings which wohld set off stiles rockets and itd be castratophic basically. i dont even know how derek would fix the situation

[mysleeangel]

is there anything that helps you when you run out of ambien? tbh i think i'm going to end up in a similar situation soon (in my case i haven't been overusing them but my doctor is just never in his office and the other doctors i get put with won't refill it and try to take me off it cold turkey) i hope you can find some way to hang in there, i'm sending kind thoughts your way and hope life gives you a break. wishing you the best 🫂

(I’m sorry this is so long, prepare for the biggest yapfest of 2024)

This is my first time running out, and it was due to my own stupid irresponsibility, so hopefully I shouldn’t deal with this issue again. However, I absolutely hate that your doctors are treating you so badly, it can be dangerous to pull you off of your meds at random especially when you really need it. If im not misreading and you’re taking Ambien as well, cold turkey quitting that stuff, whether it was your choice or not, can be dangerous depending on a few factors such as dose and length of time you’ve been on it. The doctors you are dealing with sound like they’re being incredibly careless with your health and if it’s possible I would see about switching doctors, but that process can be difficult and frustrating so I completely get it if you can’t do that.

If things start to get bad (like you begin having withdrawal symptoms or you start to feel like hurting yourself) and you have the option available near you, I would go to an urgent care or the ER.

I know that isn’t available to everyone though, but in the past four months I’ve been to the er and urgent care at least 15 times. It’s not an exaggeration, I just have been running into health problems that badly that many times in a short period. I’m saying this because it was the only way I could get SOME kind of help in my most desperate times. Maybe they can listen to the issues you’re having and someone might be able to help you get in contact with your doctor. I can’t say for sure what they’d be willing to do though, it’s like a gamble with every healthcare worker. Sometimes they’re really helpful, sometimes they’re indifferent to your situation.

Depending on where you are and what insurance you have, trying to get the help you NEED is like pulling teeth. I’m so sorry you have to deal with it, it’s stressful, scary, and it’s enough to drive you fucking insane. I’m also sorry that I’m not very good at giving advice and for going on a tangent. Despite being on the highest dose, I probably haven’t been on this med for as long as you have, and so therefore i have not dealt with much physical withdrawal symptoms. Mainly just anxiety, rebound insomnia, nausea. Its difficult for me to say exactly what I’m doing to deal with it, a lot of it is me just sitting and watching the clock, biting my nails, stuffing my face with food to deal with more bubbling over anxiety.

As far as I know, I am with certainty getting that prescription filled, so I’m able to find some comfort in knowing that it will happen eventually. For you, it seems that the future of your prescription refill is uncertain right now. I don’t know how you’re getting through any of it, but if I was in your shoes right now I’d probably be handling it very badly. That’s to say, I genuinely think you’re a resilient and strong person who has likely dealt with more than your fair share of problems and stressors. I think you’re going to make it through this, and you will be able to get in contact with your doctor or a doctor willing to listen to you, even if it’s a painstaking, infuriating process.

As for what I’m doing and I’ve been doing for the past week to get through it…I’ve been trying to keep myself distracted with other things and I take some other meds I have so that I’ll eventually get tired.

At night I take two benedryls, six hydroxizine (25mg), half a mirtazapine (15 mg, previously prescribed for insomnia but I stopped taking it after I got prescribed the zolpidem. I still have it so I’m using it to get through these two weeks) and two 10mg meletonin gummies. These are split into two doses, not taken all at once. I take a Benedryl, three hydroxyzine, and a meletonin gummy. Then I take the rest after a few hours, usually closer to 5 am and then I try to sleep. It’s worked so far, the key is to not start flipping out if you can’t fall asleep immediately, which I do a lot.

I’m not sure if you have hydroxyzine on hand, they give that stuff out like candy, but it’s an antihistamine similar to Benedryl and it can make you sleepy. If you don’t have that, 10mg meletonin gummies and Benedryl might help at least a little BUT PLEASE BE CAREFUL with how much Benedryl you take. It’s funny to joke about that hatman, but you can seriously die if you’re not careful. I went to the icu last month due to an accidental overdose of Benedryl and hydroxizine, wasn’t in there long but it was ROUGH.

At max, take three, but don’t take more than that in one night if you can help it. And don’t take them all at once. If you feel like they’re not working, give it time. I used to take about six or seven benedryls every night just to maybe catch a little sleep. Tolerance can build on it, so you have to be cautious about how much you’re taking.

I wish I had some better way to help, I’m so sorry for this long ass paragraph, I really hope I was able to answer some questions but please feel free to ask more if you need some clarification or anything else. I’m sorry that your doctors aren’t helping you, I know how fucking awful it is to deal with. I’m sorry if I didn’t make any sense at all but I hope I did, let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help. You’ve got this 🫂💖💖💖💖

[not-poignant]

hi pía, this isn’t really a question but i was thinking of a post i saw from you the other day, in reference to hannibal and will fics. I am a HUGE lover of their ship and the fics that come with but i’m also a massive lover of yours and was thinking about how similar but different they are. maybe i’m psychoanalysing this buts it’s really been on my mind how someone could write fics like yours but not find the dynamic of hannibal and will interesting. there’s definitely a lot of different reasons but i think it mostly boils down to this:

hannibal tends to cause will a lot of pain in an attempt to monopolise him. he only loves will because he sees him as an extent of himself, like an arm or a leg if u will, a true narcissist.

where’s as they dynamics in most of your books, original or fanfic, whether they start out with someone in pain theirs usually a sort of arc where the character heals and growsi think the closest would be mosk and im so sorry i forgot the other mcs name :( basically a lot of comfort after the hurt

i dunno i just thinks it’s a really interesting difference

Hi anon!

This is cool reasoning, and that is a part of it, but I'd like to add probably one of the most important things here - people just have opinions about things, and they don't always have to make sense.

I really can't stand the Steve/Bucky ship. It's squicked me from the beginning. I couldn't tell you why, it literally does have many of the things I love in a ship - someone with a trauma background, two people who are often trying to do better, crunchy consent issues, and more.

Can't stand it. As a multishipper I literally cannot read this ship. (Sorry folks, it's a great ship, I respect y'all who love it and I'm glad you have a lot of fic for it).

Not everything has a logical reason, because we're lumps of meat and we just make arbitrary decisions sometimes (or our body does).

(This is actually why people looking for moral reasons to hate or love a ship is kind of stupid, but that's a whole other issue).

So yeah, I mean if I wanted to, I could write a hurt/comfort Will and Hannibal fic with growth. There's literally thousands doing that in AU format where Hannibal was never a cannibal in the first place! I've even bookmarked a few of those. I could write a Hannibal who isn't horrendously physically and emotionally abusive to Will!

Like, all the things about the canon characters is true, anon, but we change things all the time in fanfiction and that's the fun of it. One of my favourite ships ever is Severus/Harry, but I don't think anyone would say that they have a particularly growth/positive connection to each other in canon (not while Snape is alive, anyway).

In Rise of the Guardians, Pitch is basically a theatrical monster who literally loves making children cry, and tries to kill Jack repeatedly. There's zero growth and eventually he's defeated.

It's one of my favourite ships of all time.

We just make choices, anon. The reasons I don't love Will/Hannibal are definitely in your above ask, but they're also just in the fact that I'm a lump of meat with electrons firing randomly who just makes choices and has random opinions about stuff!

That's why how I feel about a ship has no bearing on how anyone else feels about it, and vice versa! :D (I really truly mean it when I'm glad other people enjoy these ships, because them enjoying it says nothing about them, and nothing about me, because shipping is personal, weird, and often not at all logical. For every logical 'oh yeah that's true' I can think of a pairing where it's like 'oh but that do that and I love that ship.' Brains are just...really really really weird. :)

[bloodsalted]

𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐓 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐄𝐑. REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME : dixon. been going by it for too long to change it. thought about it a couple times but it's stuck with me for a handful of years now. oop! also not my real name.

PRONOUNS : she/her/numbnuts/idc!

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : i lose track of tumblr ims very easily. discord is preferred and i will give it to any mutual that might want it!

NAME OF MUSE(S) : dean winchester is my main. i have jack kline @lasthymn and a human oc that gets demon possessed kinda dual muse at @unscriptured . my multi is low activity atm and i'm just replying to what i got at the moment. my spn brainrot is very real.

BEST EXPERIENCE : meeting all the people i have here and enjoying our time together. hanging out with @hostiae / @devourcr at eccc. generally, just the experience of meeting such lovely, awesome partners that become friends and people i cherish. even if we don't speak often. i really do adore the people who i get to share this lil orbit with.

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : not reading my rules. becomes obvious when you don't. especially with a couple character or plot types i list that i don't feel comfortable writing and they get pushed on me. always read rules so you start out on a good page. it's so important! using roleplay to make yourself seem better than others. whether that be that you're more virtuous than them (as my buddy ava said) because they write things you don't like (rant to a bud, get your feelers out, block and move on??) or way more hip, progressive or whatever for plots you do or won't do or fcs or graphics you use. we're all just here writing. it's not that serious. have fun with it. curate your experience. screw anon button on. you'll be way less stressed. and a tiny one. refollowing on repeat. but that just gets a block eventually. and super easy to handle.

MUSE PREFERENCES : flawed heroes, burdened souls that are good people deep down, the distant person that has walls because of self-preservation, kind souls that've been burned too many times that they are cautious to warm up to others. misunderstood, thoughtful types. characters that still need to learn themselves and grow. on the complete opposite side? completely unhinged psychopaths, sociopaths, whatever else that falls under that line.

PLOTS OR MEMES : ava said this really well. memes are the easiest way to get my attention. i don't mind sending them in. or having them sent (though rn my inbox is a little big but i'm working on it, might just take me some time!). and then from there as we build up, if we match well, plotting is something i LOVE to do. i get that some don't though and i'm always more than fine winging it to see what happens. pretty flexible. but i really do love things that stick between muses.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : i write a lot most of the time. usually on accident. sometimes i get carried away and am enjoying myself. i, in no way, expect replies to match length and i mean it. i just need smth to work with. i've been keeping some posts purposefully shorter. especially meme replies as i work through my inbox. we can expand or shrink as needed!

BEST TIME TO WRITE : usually really late at night. i'm a night owl with insomnia and, as much as sarah threatens to beat me with a chair? i find sleep difficult. writing helps that!

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : i don't know? i'm probably more like dean than i am any of them. but i try to make better choices that won't end up with me getting hurt. though there are people i'd let the apocalypse happen to save. some people are just that important. sorry world. if we're going down. we're going down together at least? dean and i have very very similar music tastes. though some of my stuff would be thrown out the window. we both have stupid humor. we're loyal. i do like my jeans, t-shirts and flannels. but we are VERY different in many ways. or it'd be boring to write someone just like me.

TAGGED BY: @murderdeals TAGGING: anyone who follows me! i'd love to know more about you! tag me so i can read! and this means...YOU'RE IT!

[gnarlymetalghost]

okay so my boyfriend broke up with me (for reasons that feel dumb to me but are very real for someone who has anxiety), i convinced him to just go on a break, blah blah blah we talked again and i think i fucked it up royally because i told him he was being immature about it. i need to apologize to him but i’m worried that the more i talk to him, the less there will be to save. i’m just gonna write it down here instead.

i’m sorry i said that you were being immature. i’m a lot like my dad and i have a lot of tendencies towards black and white thinking. it seems immature to me, but the anxiety about making the right decisions is so real.

for me, i don’t think anyone is the right choice. any number of people can be the right choice. i think that if you find someone who you want to have experiences with, that’s enough. you have to choose that person, with all of their issues and assets. and it’s stupid and terrible because there’s always gonna be a voice in the back of your head that’s saying “did i make the right choice? did sierra make the right choice?” but it doesn’t matter, it’s a good enough choice for right now.

the culture we live in and grew up in is stupid but we can’t escape it and we’re living with the programming, as hard as we’re trying to escape it. i’m not holding you to forever. i’m not holding you for eternity. i think i would if you let me, but i don’t know if i’ve seriously considered marrying you. it could be fun, but i’m not thinking about it because that’s not where we are yet. i’m enjoying life with you right now. that’s enough. if you’re scared about a future, i’m just holding you to tomorrow. and we take it day by day. the pressure you’re putting on yourself is unfair, i wish you could let yourself be casual about it.

there’s a lot of language that’s thrown around about it that weigh really heavy on people in our situation. “when you know you know” is comforting to some people but to me it feels like when someone says “you’ll know when you feel the spirit.” how? is it heightened emotions or is it god? do i love you or am i horny? and what is love? because i don’t feel butterflies for you all the time. sometimes i feel scared we’re running out of things to talk about. and then i get stressed because is that real or is it because my period is about to start? but then i’m laying in bed scrolling through tiktok and all i can think about is sending them to you and texting you about how crazy my grandma is and asking if you wanna watch saw x when i see you next. relationships ebb and flow but they take work. i want to put in the work.

i’m sorry that it feels like i’m throwing away a friendship for the both of us. i have had big feelings for you for a long time, and i understand how that’s scary for you. time and time again we’ve had this conversation about whether or not we should date, and i sacrificed myself to maintain the status quo. i didn’t want to lose you, i didn’t want you to lose me. but in doing so, you’ve never known what it’s like when i’m not around. i keep creating an environment where you don’t lose anything but i feel like the world is crumbling. i thought i was being mature because it take a big person to stay friends with someone they love, but maybe i’m just not a big person. maybe it’s not the mature thing for me to do when i let myself hurt so much so that you stay. maybe the mature thing is to finally let us both feel the loss. and if i can survive it and it’s permanent, then it is what it is. these boundaries i set were not an easy decision because there’s comfort in the pain of keeping you around on your terms, and i already fucking miss you.

i don’t give up on things. i’ve 100%ed every video game i’ve ever played, i’ve never given up on a book no matter how long it takes me, and i’ve finished every movie i’ve ever started. it’s probably an annoying trait. but by god i haven’t given up on you yet and im not going to now. i want to work through this. and every time we do this stupid dance, we always end up closer than before, despite my best efforts. i wanted to keep you at arms length but you ended up in my arms instead. i said it before but i maintain my conviction: the attraction, our friendship, and being a health partnership is a good enough reason to continue this path, regardless of if it’s right or not. i still think it’s too soon to tell, even for me, as happy as i’ve been for the last two months.

but if it’s just not going to work, i’m gonna miss you. some of my favorite things were when you put your arms around me at the Collective Soul concert. i was still nervous that you weren’t attracted to me, and it made me feel good that you wanted to be close with all of those people around. i’m gonna miss watching movies. film analysis while holding hands is my love language. i’m gonna miss my hands in the hair on the back of your neck, i’m gonna miss seeing you play the bass, i’m gonna miss being able to simply glance at you and know that you thought of the exact same joke that i did without even saying it out loud. you don’t know if you’ll be in love with me, and that’s okay. because even if you were never in love with me, i think these things were love. i don’t think love is as deep as the people around us make it out to be. i think that love is the act of choosing.

if this is permanent and we don’t stay together, the door is always open. i’ll always want you around if you want to come back. inversely, if i get over you and can broach the topic of being friends without feeling the heartache, i hope you’ll leave that door open for me.

i’m sorry again, for all of it. thank you again, for all of it.

[autumnfangirler]

3, 25, 31 for ocs of choice for the couple's meme 👀

Sure! you are witness to a rare occasion where i actually make a choice (and you get to see who my favourites are)

3. By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a concious realization of "I love this person," but a moment that had them like "Oh...I adore them..."

Caine- caine finds the most value in the small moments, little things they get to notice and appreciate about the people they love. for ortega, it was back in the sidestep days, after some big fight they won that had ortega smiling like the sun. they didnt realize it then, but he loved that smile, and subconciously started to help the rangers more often just to see it. as for chen, theres a line in the game that goes like "he sounds amused in the way he does when spoon does something funny. no intent hiding behind it". i think it was the first time that happened. caine rarely got to see chen without a layer of distance or suspicion, so the first time he truly got to see him happy without the mask, they couldnt help committing it to memory

Cyrus- thats so mushy and stupid. he's going to throw up on you. hes also pulling out an alphabetically arranged and growing list of tidbits about daniel he absolutely adores. i dont think there was a specific moment that made him develop his crush on herald, it was more things he noticed that built up over time. his determination for his cause, his soft yet firm insistence of what he sees in cyrus, and of course his sweet little smile all made cyrus fall for him. the moment he realized "oh shit im in love with him" though, was the regene reveal. being seen and accepted for what he was when he only expected condemnation was such a novel prospect to him he really went "well i cant NOT fall in love with him"

Cynthia- she's such a hopeless romantic, if you asked her when she fell in love with ortega, she's say the first time she saw her smile. in actuality, it would be at some point braiding her hair. cynthia and ortega would tend to talk to eachother while cynthia worked. sometimes itd be silly stupid banter, and other times itd be...heavier, but either way, she learned a lot of what she does about ortega this way. she also gets to see ortega relaxed and honest in a way she never is around the press or her team, and it makes her super soft to know thats a privilege that gets extended to her. its also part of the reason she was a little sad to see it gone after heartbreak (altho cynthia does have longer hair than she used to in her sidestep days, so role reversal is definetely possible 👀)

25. They accidentally hurt or upset their partner. What happened? How do they respond? What do they do to make their partner feel better?

oh man, what happened indeed. the answer drastically changes depending on whether its a reveal or if its a natural disagreement or such, but ill answer for both

Cyrus- if its being revealed as puppeteer? uh. doubling down 💀 sorry danny, but youre really slowing down the whole villain and being evil thing, so he might as well use this as an opportunity to cut the chord completely. in his head he probably sees this as a good thing for herald anyway, because he doesnt have to be bogged down by feelings for him. a clean cut for the both of them. if its a natural disagreement, its probably more along the lines of cyrus making fun of something daniel likes. hes used to teasing and making fun of things with ortega, i dont think hed account for the fact daniel might take it to heart. when he does realize it, i think hed take the time to sit down with him and apologize. hes not the best with emotions, so itd lean more to explaining his reasoning, but he does promise to take an effort not to do that again. he doesnt want to ruin anything over something as stupid as that

Cecilia- argent already knows shes the villain so that doesnt apply lmao. she'd get into an argument with argent, but over what im not sure. in any case, neither of them like backing down or admitting theyre wrong, so apologizing isnt exactly ceci's go to option for making up. she'd more likely go for the asian mom route and get her some snacks instead. use it as an opportunity to talk about what happened, and if she really thought she was in the wrong, apologize. if not, shed likely ask to mutually drop the topic, agree to disagree basically. it depends on what argent does after that, but even if she doesnt want to drop it i think ceci would be more for civilized conversation by that point

31. What little thing do they find incredibly (though harmlessly) annoying about their partner?

Cyrus- i have a personal hc that a lot of the rooms in daniels apartment are actually rather haphazardly arranged at best(yes this stems from the scene where chen complains about herald not doing the dishes). cyrus doesnt mind a mess, but he does mind it when the other person is an artist who happens to paint from time to time. hes probably ruined a lot of good clothes wandering around the rooms and accidentally stepping on/tripping over paint. it has been cause for many a complaint, but hes tolerating it because he likes watching daniel paint

[sewagewater69]

Won't be with my bf for his full birthday and I'm trying not to go crazy go stupid abt it- i feel so stinky that my mental health isn't at a point where I can fully be there for him.

It'd be so much easier if he didn't lie to his parents abt my fucking education 😭 after cutting off my much of my family and GENUINELY relying on them to get by for years, I feel so,,, pathetic facing them. Even more pathetic for NOT facing them so many times over; it builds up you know?!

Im hit with the thought that I'm a narcissist all the time. Like it's some justice to those around me to simply acknowledge it. 2 choices then, look into narcissistic behavior, avoid doing those things, feel guilt when I do, let the pathetic guilt pile get bigger everytime it passes my mind. Or, just say "i hope not," and actively work against the thought/behavior pattern. One is faster AND has less odds of accidentally turning me into a narcissist. And hopefully even worrying about it this much takes some points off, even if it is some genetic horror I can't help.

My bf is like an angel sent from heaven. He's my best friend, I usually love talking to him, even if sometimes he goes on and on about politics (one subject i really can't hear no matter how hard i listen). He makes dinner most nights, even if he forgets to save it. He's a good guy, not a high functioning independent person. I'd say I'm the opposite. I think it's harder for me to work codependently, but I rely on it.

I finally started taking some steps to get better, at least. Our grocery bill is higher but we have more food that I need on hand. I've researched psychiatrists. Applied back to school (that'll fix the food budget, #iloveyoumealplans. Also, free campus therapy.) I need to make a gyno appointment and switch birth controls. Maybe I'll feel less insane. All these changes come out of:: his parents wallet. Who I'm neglecting to see. Right now.

It's hard not to feel like a piece of shit. Especially because I can't nail down EXACTLY why it's so hard for me to attend visits to the in laws. The fear of being a leech? Of knowing i don't want to marry this boy but I've loved him beyond all ends? The guilt that I've kept him as a boyfriend despite not putting out the past 3 years, and crying when I do? The guilt of the lies that make up the history his parents know me to have? Maybe, perhaps, all combined at once in a sinister, visceral fear?

Probably. Who am I to know myself though.

[connor-123-idk]

I’m reeeeaaalllyy curious about rook. You said he’s based on a concept and that he’s most likely the most normal. Does he not share the sentiment when it comes to beauty? Who would he possibly be shipped with or is he not into romantic relationships? Is he still secretly rich? Is he still as private as the canon rook or is he more open? Does he worship vil and neige?

(Even after being a pure personification of death .. bro's mentally stable 😭)

I dont think he shares the sentiment of beauty with canon Rook, since he's more attached to concept of karma and death (especially together). He's not much interested in appearence itself, but rather what's on the inside (metaphorically, but sometimes literally)

I dont think RSA!Rook would be a character for ships. I have some concepts for Rook as a character, because yes I haven't pick one, Im still writting RSA!Scarabia, and in most of them, I think he wouldnt have much interested in relationship, not in aromantic way, but purely out of choice

But if I had to guess, since I wont stop the shippers, probably Vil x Rook as in ,,Good people, wrong universe", and also a good old classic. Also for pure dynamic and stuff, maybe Cater x Rook, as in two very dark aesthetic, one is goth other one is ouji, so that would make fun aesthetic. (Also I just realised RSA!Vil x RSA!Rook are giving Wednesday and Enid 💀).

I dont know much about his wealth, but since I made most of rich characters lower class or entirely broke, then so be it this time

RSA!Rook as much as not many people walk to him, he's pretty open for those that have morals similiar to him, so he wont talk with RSA!Idia or RSA!Kalim in the nearest future, due to both of them not having moral spine, and playing with death

He's not worshipping Vil or Neige, but he kinda favours Vil over Neige. In original story, Evil Queen tried to kill Snow White 3 times, but it was Queen who died in the end, because she bleed out. Mostly because RSA!Vil doesn't play with death, he's just kinda stupid and maybe a lil self destructive, but that's it, he's selfless person that lives without risking lifes of others, that's why he's favourited. That's also the karma side of Rook. You killed, you die. Simple

The topic of Rook is kinda not easy one, due to death being wide topic, and RSA!Rook's character was made mostly for symbolical purposes, which just makes it harder to write

But Im happy if you enjoy his character in my AU :>>>

[nervousdreamtragedy]

Hiii im back to post stupid things

So i was awake at maniatic hours like usual after drinking to many energy drinks and I was thinking about my mom she raised me along with my sister most of my childhood yet I find it quite funny that for her she always says my childhood was her most horrible time since I was a heavy crier according to her yet that’s the thing nobody else says that in fact most people refer to me as a mature child even as a baby and infant

Like I asked my sister and my dad even my aunt who took care of me a lot and they all agreed that just like how I act now when I was young I was silent and rarely even screamed no matter what was happening so I asked my mom who claimed that while yes I was a silent kid when I did cry it was insufferable since I wouldn’t shut up and she even joked about having more than once screaming at me bcs of the cries

I am not an emotional person hell it takes quite a lot to make me even give a reaction and I was always told it was just me being weird yet when I asked my parents they claimed that for them it was good as my sister was difficult thanks to being quite emotional according to them atleast

My sister no longer lives with us just to be clear she moved out as soon as she could so my only way of communicating with her is message and sometimes calls sp I asked her if she remembered how they acted and she told me that as far as she remembers they often mentioned that she was so annoying as an infant and toddler and how I was much nicer to take care of

I started laughing because well I have been told im very well behaved by adults teachers who claimed I was the a great student since I enjoyed trapping myself in studying for weeks and I disliked going out and sure I know its a compliment to my behavior and maturity yet I don’t like that while being well behaved and calm did win me a lot of adult respect I feel sad looking back to my little self who was pretty much raised by the internet because they will never hace the fun they wanted let me be clear sure I didn’t like cartoons and don’t even to this day but that should have been my own choice to make as a kid not a rule that I had to folloe

A kid or a toddler doesn’t need to be mature a kid needs to have fun and be free sure they still need rules but not adult ones yes kids screaming and running around are annoying but im pretty sure its not that horrible to deal with them for sometime and look I get that in moments like restaurant dinner its annoying to have a kid screaming or crying their lungs out behind you and if you are paying a lot of money its even worse and yeah you have a right to be angry but you need to remember that you also were once a child and probably did the same or perhaps even worse

Look I get child free spaces like restaurants and events they are necessary sometimes but things like grocery shopping don’t need to be child free like I get spaces where you are paying to be but grocery is a public space and a mostly free one at that im pretty sure you as an adult can suck it up dealing with a loud kid for the hour or two you spend shopping

No kids don’t need to be mature they don’t need to be aware of social adult etiquette because they aren’t adult they are kids who want to have fun who are developing their skills and abilities they shouldn’t worry about what they wear outside and only wonder what clothes are more comfortable to them and what hames they can play with their friends

I was not allowed to play outside and as such the internet raised me I grew watching gore and weird stuff which while sure I look at it back with rose tinted glasses of nostalgia that doesn’t take away from the fact that I never got the same space to be a kid outside and to this day I don’t understand most of my friends child references and get confused over basic kid moments that I never got because I was told it was too childish for me

Please let kids be kids let them discover what they like and dislike if they enjoy being more mature then sure aid them but still support when they act childish like kids have everyday less spaces to act like kids and social media has not helped at all wth that try to have moments with your kids if they like to stay inside maybe play a board game or play their video-games with them let them be kids and be just as free as kid should be before going into the sad real world

[dearerinlovehan]

dear Erin, tell Loky

loky,

I am incredibly proud of your character development, the person you have become and the husband(soon to be) and father you are. I am so happy (and a little jealous) that you are being the person that we needed when we were kids to Raiden. I hope that because of this he will have the tools to figure out who he is in every stage of his life because you have created the safe environment to do so. I'm sorry for being so far away. Once you told me I was selfish for leaving, and I suppose it is from some views but being selfish sometimes is okay.

I'm sorry im not there for you and Paige and Raiden. I really do tell everyone I talk to about my nephew and how you say he is going to be in the NBA. I'm proud of your family.

One time when I visited, Paige mentioned that you talk about me to him. That he knows about his aunty han. You guys probably didn't notice, but that made me tear up a little. I didn't realise that I was that important to talk about to Raiden. please don't stop telling him stories. I hope that you will talk to my friends and be able to hear new stories about me once im gone. Please don't just tell him how cool and awesome and beautiful I was though. I've made a lot of mistakes, none that I would change though.

I know that you're going to feel a range of emotions for the choice I made to leave. I already know what you're going to say and yes, im stupid for doing this, im an asshole for it, that you are there for me no matter what and why didn't I just come to you. if it makes you feel better (I know it won't) but I completely agree with you. My decision is not your failure. you did not fail me.

always with you,

Han

[melshome]

paint splattered teardrops - chapter 3

cw negative thoughts about body, angst, fluff, body shaming, bullying, slowburn??, harassment, abuse characters scaramouche, other characters mentioned a/n im not sure how many chapters there will be of this fanfic series!! i'll probably just end it when i would like to ;) i hope you all enjoy your weekend!! i am sorry about uploading chapter 3 quite late!!! i didnt have motivation to work on it for a bit. (●'◡'●)

EDIT: HOLY I FORGOT ABOUT TAGS SORRY SORRY @local-mr-frog @moonbyunniee

"Bye bye big sister!!" Teucer waves. She gives an awkward smile, before quickly walking away from the house. Childe and Teucer goes back inside. Teucer goes off to his room, and Childe goes back to Kunikuzushi.

"Scara.."

"God dammit, I know I know! Relax, let me explain you stupid ginger," he sits up from laying down on the bed. "BIG BROTHER IS KISSING BIG SISTER!" Teucer shouts. Kunikuzushi looks at Teucer, and back at Y/N, who was thankfully still sleeping.

"Teucer, what the hell," Kunikuzushi stands up, storming up to Teucer, who's giggling.

"You like big sister, don't you? She's a good person, I like her too!" Teucer says, heading down the stairs.

Kunikuzushi stands there, staring angrily at Teucer, who's heading down the stairs.

"Don't worry, you can have her. I'm not selfish!!" Teucer shouts. "I wasn't even kissing her, so why don't you stop cackling down on the ground?" Kunikuzushi stands up, kicking Childe. It's been about 2 months. Kunikuzushi and Childe sometimes has seen Y/N around the school. Childe either walks up to Y/N and strikes a conversation with her. Kunikuzushi has no choice but to make sure Childe isn't saying weird stuff that makes Y/N uncomfortable. He's noticed Y/N is a bit wary around Kunikuzushi. But he's used to it.

Childe has asked Y/N if she wants to come over, but she said she'll "think about it". Childe knows it's a no if she says that. But.. Childe had an idea, from Teucer talking about her most of the time.

"Teucer would love to see you again. He's been non-stop talking about you.." Childe sighs.

"Oh.. Alright then."

"Oh so, you'll say yes if it's about Teucer?" Kunikuzushi mutters.

Y/N smirks, opening her bento box. "Maybe~"

Childe places his hand on his chest, pretending to be hurt. "Y/N.. I am.. greatly.. hurt.." He acts like he's in pain, slowly falling to the ground. Kunikuzushi grins, placing his foot on Childe.

"Hey, get your foot off me, Scara-" Childe struggles to get up.

Y/N frowns, glancing from Kunikuzushi and Childe. She bursts out laughing, covering her mouth with her free hand. Kunikuzushi and Childe both stare at her, and then makes eye contact with each other. They continue this, until Kunikuzushi takes off his foot off Childe.

"I need to eat my lunch," Kunikuzushi takes out a packed onigiri.

"Is that all your lunch?" Y/N asks, having a small frown on her face.

"Yeah I guess?" Kunikuzushi unwraps it, and takes a bite. He looks up, and sees Y/N staring at her lunchbox. She seems to be hesitating.

"What's up Y/N?" Childe rests on the tree behind them. Using her chopsticks, grabs a piece of sticky sesame chicken, and offers it to Kunikuzushi.

He stares at it, and back at her, with a confused look on his face.

"Eat it. Eating an onigiri, isn't enough for lunch.." She tries to have eye contact with him, and she loses, and ends up staring at her hand, holding the chopsticks. Kunikuzushi notices this, and takes the chicken, trying not to let his mouth touch the chopsticks. (Not because of Y/N, he just doesn't want any germs on her chopsticks)

She goes back to eating her lunch, with Kunikuzushi secretly enjoying her chicken, and Childe assessing the situation. Wow.. If this isn't love.. then what is? "BIG SISSTERR!" Teucer runs up to you, jumping onto you. You catch him, hugging him.

"Teucer! Are you that excited to me?" you smile, glad that someone is happy to see you.

He giggles, still clinging onto you. "You're a good big sister! Big bro mouchie lov-" Kunikuzushi arrives just in time, covering Teucer's mouth.

"Teucer, why don't you go to your room, and play with the robot big sister bought you!" Childe claps his hands, gently getting Teucer off you. You chuckle as you watch him jump up the stairs, talking about the gift you bought him.

You decided to get him the latest robot collection from the same brand that he loves. His room is decorated with robots, but specifically "xxx", quite the popular robot brand.

"Haha, sorry about him, Y/N. He was too excited when I told him you're coming tonight.." Childe smiles. You give him a smile back, saying, "don't worry about it. I'm happy to see him that excited to see me."

You notice Kunikuzushi staring at you. "Hi Kunikuzushi. I totally didn't forgot you were going to be here today.." you scratch your cheek, awkwardly smiling. He scoffs, but you know it's a sarcastic one.

The three of you stay in the living room, asking each other some things, to get to know each other more. First it was just simple questions, such as, "what are your hobbies?" or "favourite food?"

Then it started to get a bit more.. not exactly personal, but questions close friends would know. Suddenly, Childe asked a question.. well, one were you were hoping neither of them would ask.

"Why do you paint?"

Kunikuzushi looks up from his nintendo for a second, glancing at you, before slowly going back to his game. Childe has no clue. But you have no choice but to lie. I don't.. I can't tell them. At least.. not yet..

"I enjoy painting," you smile.

What a lie.. Kunikuzushi stretches, placing his nintendo on his lap.

"Can we eat now or something?"

"Oh yeah sure," Childe says, not even saying anything about your response. Kunikuzushi grabs his nintendo back in his hands, as Childe leaves the living room. You fiddles with your fingers, pushing a nail into the palm of your finger. Ugh.. Why did he even ask?

You don't know, but Kunikuzushi notices this. He shoves his nintendo switch onto your lap. You look up quickly, staring in confusion at Kunikuzushi.

"What? I'm bored of the game. Do whatever you want with it," Kunikuzushi stands up and leaves the room, leaving you to be confused. The dinner Childe and Teucer has prepared was quite good, Kunikuzushi had to admit. He kept on eye on Y/N through the dinner, glancing at her a few times, but sometimes he'd even get lost into her eyes, as she talked with Childe, laughed with Teucer. She notices his stares, but says nothing about it, just carries on.

"Are you going to apply for the xxxx art competition?" Childe asks, bringing in a plate of chocolate mousse.

Kunikuzushi serves some of the mousse to Teucer first, before serving himself. He waits for Y/n answer.

"Yep."

"You don't sound that excited?" Childe sits down, and serves.

"Oh haha, I don't? Well, I am excited, don't worry," she takes the bowl Childe gives her. He nods his head, digging into his bowl.

The rest of the dinner is silent, except for Teucer and Y/N conversation. After the dinner, the four of them play a board game, something easy for Teucer. Kunikuzushi notices that Y/N is much more louder than she usually is, such as her laughs, and commands.

"You.. Teucer...NOW GO TO JAIL!" She cackles, placing his token into the jail area. Teucer rolls around on the floor, screaming and giggling in frustration.

"NOOOO!"

"Big brother Kuni, save me pleasee!" Teucer lunges at Kunikuzushi, hugging him. He struggles to get Teucer off, shouting at him to get off. Y/N can't help but burst out laughing, trying to calm herself down. Childe chuckles at Kunikuzushi and Teucer, who seem to be wrestling. "Thank you so much for inviting me today, Childe.." you give a small bow. Teucer is holding onto Childe's pants, yawning.

"Haha, you should go before it starts raining," Childe winks at you. You smile, before turning and leaving. You open the gate, and close it again after you're through. Teucer says goodbye to you, and Childe waves at you. You start walking, your pace getting quicker and quicker.

Stop stop stop.. You cover your eyes, pressing your palm into your eyes, still walking. Childe's question kept on replaying into your head, and you were afraid you were going to let it all out while you were there.

Drip... Drip drip drip..

You look up to the sky, and feels the cool rain drops fall onto your face. You chuckle in relief, and you let your eyes drown yourself, with the rain. The rain is cooling down the burning feeling of the tears streaming down your face, so it's fine. Everything is fine.

"Everything is fine Y/N.. Just.. stay strong!" You smile, trying not to wipe your eyes, as you found out, by wiping or itching your eyes while crying, will make them red.

You do not want your sister to find out.

You continue walking, taking out your phone. Oh shoot, 5%. You go onto phone, and calls your sister.

"Y/N? Where the hell are you? I thought you said you'd come back by 11. It's literally 1am??" her voice is raised, and she's screaming at you.

You chuckle nervously, trying to explain it to your sister. "Aimee, I'm sorry about that. We were just playing some board games, and I lost track of time," you pray that she doesn't think of anything else. You really did just lose track of time.

You hear her sigh. "Fine, but quickly come back. Niwa is here, and he won't be happy if you interrupt our movie time," Aimee cuts the call. You put your phone away after staring at the black screen.

"Dammit.." You sigh, shaking your head. What on earth am I thinking? Why would Childe or Kunikuzushi find out anyways? You continue walking, staring a few steps away at the ground, before bumping into something. Or someone.

You look up, and sees their familiar purple hair. "Kunikuzushi? I thought you left to go home?" You say, taking a step back.

He turns around, and is a bit surprised when he sees you. "What are you doing here?-" You look at your house, and back at him.

"I live here."

He's clearly surprised. "You do?"

"Then.. do you know.. someone called.. Niwa?"

"Niwa? Yeah, he's my sister's boyfriend."

He sighs, tightening his grip on the umbrella handle. "Do you.. know Niwa?"

"He's my..." Kunikuzushi turns to the side, flustered. "He's my.."

"Boyfriend?"

"NO! He's my brother, you idiot!" Kunikuzushi turns back to you, before covering his mouth when he realizes what he said.

"Wow, Niwa is your brother..?" You think of Niwa's sweet, and talk active personality, compared to Kunikuzushi cold one. You nod slowly, processing this.

"He's not my real brother. Just letting you know," Kunikuzushi looks up and down at you, realizing you're soaked. "Why don't you have an umbrella?"

"I forgot one.. haha," you walk to your gate, and unlocks it. "You could've asked for one from Childe," Kunikuzushi follows you to the front door.

"I didn't want to be a bother," you turn your bag around, and search through it to find the keys. Kunikuzushi grabs your shoulders, and turns you, so you're facing him. He has a look on his face, which reminds you of someone..

"Y/N, don't say that. You won't be bother, never. So if you need anything, just ask Childe or me," Kunikuzushi says, the look on his face not changing once. You feel your eyes watering again, but you're glad you're soaking wet. The front door opens, and standing there is Niwa, smiling and about to say something, but he sees Kunikuzushi and you, having this special moment.

"Ooh-" He slowly closes the front door.

Kunikuzushi lets go of your shoulders, groaning. "Ugh. Now that stupid idiot is going to tease us about this, for the rest of the week.." He closes his umbrella.

You smile, chuckling. "I don't mind at all."

[winter-soldier-vibes]

Can I request HSP + depression reader (who thinks they are just weak and being crybaby) x Bucky, please? I understand you are super busy right now and I didn’t mean to rush you or anything but I'm just struggling with both HSP and depression and couldn’t help but send it right now. No need to hurry, just when you are free and maybe when you had nothing to write. Thank you and I love you!

Thank you for the request, I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you! I’m here if you need me and I hope that this helps!!! 

It’s called empathy

Bucky x reader

Word count: 1981

Warnings: depression, HSP (highly sensitive person), low self worth, negative self talk, swearing (that’s normal for me but this one’s a little extra), angst (more so internal idk if that needs a warning), fluff/comfort

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @mardema @abitgryffindorky @buckys-blue-eyes @strawberrimae @thatfangirl42 @freigeistundanderes @bucks-bunny @broadwaybabe18 @im-sick-of-failing

Taglist     Masterlist

--------------

Breathe in

Breathe out

In 

Out 

...in…

You felt a tear escape your eyes

Goddamn it

You didn’t want to cry, you couldn’t let yourself. It was stupid, it was just some shitty remark from someone when they were in a shitty mood, it wasn’t your fault, all that bullshit you tried to tell yourself. It never worked.

You were trying to control your breathing, looking up at the ceiling trying to will the tears away, biting your lip. You would not cry, not over this. Not over something that wasn’t worth your tears

Not when you didn’t even know what exactly you were crying over. 

Yet here you were, gripping the edge of the bathroom sink with white knuckles, looking up at the ceiling trying to keep the tears at bay. And it wasn’t working.

Weak sensitive piece of shit. 

What good were you to the team if you cry in the bathroom like a baby every time something remotely stressful happens? People usually cry when they're in pain or when they’re grieving - the only excuse you had was you were stressed or sad. 

You felt another few tears escape and you angrily swiped them away, cursing yourself for being so weak. 

You hated this, you hated yourself. You were so numb most of the time, especially when you were alone. You found yourself alone in your room with racing thoughts feeling like you were falling apart. Yet when you were alone you could only stare at the ceiling wondering if it would get any worse. 

The answer was usually yes.

Whenever you would go on missions with the team, you were able to push aside your stress. You had a job to do and you would do it. But when the mission was over and you were walking back through the rubble - seeing all the blood, destruction, fear - then it would start to get to you. You would panic, you would feel tears cloud your vision. Tears for those you were leaving behind, and those who had nowhere to go, those who lost someone. That was understandable. 

It seemed to affect you more than the others though. It was understandable to be moved by so much destruction. But for you everyone felt like someone you had known and loved. 

You could feel the grief in those left behind, feel the sadness and pain that they were going through. 

The same was true when you weren’t on missions. When those who were on them would come back. Whether they were injured or their eyes were saddened - you knew when a mission was rough. You would listen, you would be there for people. It was easy to talk to you, and you were very wise. 

But it still overwhelmed you. You couldn’t say no, you didn’t want to. You wanted to help but it would be so emotionally taxing for you. So behind closed doors, you would break. Be there for others, listen when they need to talk, others come first - you took their emotional pain onto yourself. 

You were grateful that you could help - but in the process it was hurting you. 

You allowed yourself to feel sad when you were alone in your room. No one could see you be weak in the dark of your room. But you never cried much just from the pure exhaustion of your thoughts. Sometimes you wanted to, just feeling so incredibly empty that you just wanted to have an ugly crying session curled up in bed.

But you didn’t get to make that choice.

The crying wouldn’t come until the absolute worst times. If you had messed up on a mission, if Tony said something a little too harshly because to him everything was a joke, seeing something gruesome on a mission- whenever it came to someone else getting involved, the tears would come. Hell sometimes even being overwhelmed in public would be enough to start the waterworks. 

You always felt so fucking weak for it. The slightest environmental stressor could stress you out too much and move you to tears. You had no reason to be upset most of the time. But you would get angry at yourself for being upset, which would make you more upset that you couldn’t control it, making it harder to control.

It was a vicious cycle.

Lately it had been popping up more and more recently. Smaller things were upsetting you more than usual. You were becoming more sensitive to external stimuli and as a result, you spent as much time as you could in your room. You were embarrassed by yourself. Both by your emotions and by your inability to control them. 

This time you were just upset that you were upset. It had been a long night the day prior, just a lot of paperwork to do. There had been a mission earlier this week that you hadn’t been assigned to, but it had been brutal for everyone who had gone. So far today had been a normal day by anyone’s terms, an emotionally exhausting one for you. One of those where you woke up tired and the thoughts of another day were enough to draw you to tears. Nothing had even happened, but apparently nothing needed to happen. 

Your emotions came and went without your consent. 

You knew deep down it was probably some sort of emotional build up - that whole quote about bottling things up until they got to be too much - it happened every time but you still thought you could handle yourself better than that. You didn’t want to vent or be a problem to anyone. But when you are the emotional support for most of the team and you haven’t been able to get enough sleep or take time for yourself - you didn’t have much of a say as to when the bottle overflows.

A few more tears fell and you slammed your hand on the counter, wiping your tears angrily once more. “God fucking damn it why can’t you just stop fucking crying!” you exclaimed, feeling a few more tears falling “Weak piece of shit!” 

There was knocking on the door, pulling you out of your self deprecating thoughts. You gasped lightly, wiping your face again. 

Knock knock

You jumped a little, gasping slightly. No one was supposed to be here, it was the middle of the night. 

“Y/n? What’s going on in there? Are you alright?”

You took a shaky breath. Of course it would be Bucky who heard you. Why would it be anyone else?

“I’m fine Bucky, it’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Then why are you still awake?” Bucky responded. You heard him sigh a little outside the door. “Come out here and tell me you’re okay.”

“Really Bucky?”

“Unless you want me to come in there, but I don’t think Stark would appreciate me breaking your door.”

You took a small breath and walked over to the door, opening it. You crossed your arms and met Bucky’s concerned eyes. “I’m fine, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed, taking in your appearance. Red eyes, flushed face, your hair was messy - you were definitely crying. He hated when you wouldn’t admit that you weren’t ok. “You know you don’t have to be, right?”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep fresh tears from clouding your vision. “What?”

“You say you’re fine, you always say that you’re fine until you break. I heard you crying, I can see that you’re not feeling okay yet still you try to keep a brave face. And I just want you to know that you don’t have to always be okay.”

You let out a breath. “I - i…” you looked down and shook your head, lost for words. 

“Y/n, I’m not here to judge you. Can you try to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” you said looking up at him “It’s literally so stupid, Bucky.”

“Y/n, nothing you say right now is going to sound stupid. 

You shrugged your shoulders, still not quite meeting his eyes. “I don’t know, I just get so worked up sometimes, but it’s stupid. I tell myself I’m not going to be bothered and then I freak out again. The smallest things bother me and I get stressed out and then I cry like some stupid weak bitch. People have it worse than me, God, you have it worse than me. Everyone here has some sort of traumatic awful thing happen to them and then there’s me and I get sad because I see other people sad,” you were crying again and you wiped at your face, covering your eyes. “God Im so fucking stupid I -”

Bucky pulled you into his chest as you let out a sob. “You’re not stupid, y/n.”

“YES I AM. I get worked up over the smallest shit, I don’t listen when people tell me to take breaks, I take everything too personally and I can’t stop fucking crying when I don’t even know what the fuck is wrong!” you exclaimed, trying to push yourself away, ashamed.

Bucky held you tightly, not letting you go. “That’s not your fault. It’s not up to you how your feelings show up.”

“But I cry at the most stupid shit and I can’t control it.”

“You’re not supposed to know how to control it,” he said, pulling back to look at you. “Emotions can’t be controlled. They just happen and it’s rarely convenient.”

“Then why do I feel so weak? If this,” you gestured to yourself “is so goddamn normal then why isn’t everyone else breaking down every other day?” 

Bucky brushed some hair out of your face. “Your emotions are yours, no one else’s. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. Think of it this way - you can’t expect everyone to have the same amount of strength or stamina - no one has the same emotional response either. And that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you you.”

You shook your head. “I just feel so weak all the time.” 

“And I’m here to remind you that crying isn’t weak. You are not a weak person, you are not a bad person, you’re not any of those things your mind tells you. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. You put your heart into everything you do. You help everyone you can. Mourning someone else’s loss isn’t weakness. It’s called empathy.”

You took a small breath. “Then why does it hurt so goddamn much?”

“”I don’t know. And I can’t say for certain that you won’t always feel that way. But I know I can tell you that you aren’t weak, and I’ll be here every time you feel that you are.” 

You nodded your head slightly. “You don’t think I’m weak?” you asked quietly.

He pulled you back into a hug. “Not in the slightest, y/n.”