#but probably not because im a stupid person who makes stupid choices sometimes

[cloggedarteri]

we dont really know what happens to jack post rdr finale soo ive been thinking

after killing ross, what if jack found a mentor?

♡jack finding a mentor in reader

♡after jack fucking murders ross he goes back home to sell the ranch so he isnt surronded by the ghosts of his family

♡i imagine reader and jack just meeting in the most mundane of circumstances, maybe in a bar. or on a hill while camping

♡actually you know how in rdr2 you can sometimes encounter friendly npc's and join their camp, i imagine thats how it went for reader and jack

♡just jack trying to catch his breath as he travels to...no where in particular. he has no place to call his own. not anymore

♡jack coming across a small camp and finding a person lounging in front of the fire with their horse beside them

♡reader, back against the saddle they'd taken off their horse, doesnt even look up to acknowledge the boy

♡nothing is said between them and only the crackle of the fire can be heard

"ya lost kid?"

"sure"

"ya know, ive met many a wanderer out in these parts"

"and?"

"and despite having only known you for one minute, ive not been graced by someone as mornic as you"

"well, my pa wasnt the brightess of men, so"

"a fool with no sense, thats what you are...dont know me from adam but you invade my camp all the same...you got a death wish or something kid?

"maybe. maybe not...dont have much to lose either way...give me a few an' I'll move on from here"

reader just sighing and moving to their satchel to get grab some cans of food because its very clear that jack hasnt been taking care of himself

"you aint gotta go...eat something"

"thanks"

"got a name kid?"

"jack"

[metanarrates]

Hello. Sorry if this a stupid question u can ignore if u want.

How can someone get better at media analysis? Besides obviously reading a lot.

Im asking this bc im in a point where im aware of my own lack of tools to analyze stories, but i don't know where to get them or how to get better in general. How did you learn to analyze media? There's any specific book, essay, author, etc that you recommend? Somewhere to start?

I'm asking you because you are genuinely the person who has the best takes on this site. Thank you for you work!

it sounds like a cop-out answer but it's always felt like a skill I acquired mostly thru reading a ton, and by paying a lot of attention in high school literature classes. because of that I can't promise that I'm necessarily equipped to be a good teacher or that i know good resources. HOWEVER! let me run some potential advice to you based on the shit i get a lot of mileage out of

first off, a lot of literary analysis is about pattern recognition! not just pattern recognition in-text, but out-of-text as well. how does this work relate to its genre? real-world history? does it have parallels between real-life situations? that kind of thing.

which is a big concept to just describe off the bat, so let me break it down further!

in literature, there is the concept of something called literary devices - they are some of the basic building blocks in how a story is delivered mechanically and via subtext. have you ever heard of a motif? that is a literary device. it's a pattern established in the text in order to further the storytelling! and here is a list of a ton of common literary devices - I'd recommend reading the article. it breaks down a lot of commonly used ones in prose and poetry and explains their usage.

personally, I don't find all the literary devices I've learned about in school to be the most useful to my analytical hobbies online. motifs, themes, and metaphors are useful and dissecting them can bring a lot to the table, but a lot of other devices are mostly like fun bonus trivia for me to notice when reading. however, memorizing those terms and trying to notice them in the things you read does have a distinct benefit - it encourages you to start noticing patterns, and to start thinking of the mechanical way a story is built. sure, thinking about how the prose is constructed might not help you understand the story much more, but it does make you start thinking about how things like prose contribute to the greater feeling of a piece, or how the formatting of a piece contributes to its overall narrative. you'll start developing this habit of picking out little things about a text, which is useful.

other forms of in-text pattern recognition can be about things like characterization! how does a character react to a certain situation? is it consistent with how they usually behave? what might that tell you about how they think? do they have tells that show when they're not being trustworthy? does their viewpoint always match what is happening on screen? what ideas do they have about how the world works? how are they influenced by other people in their lives? by social contexts that might exist? by situations that have affected them? (on that note, how do situations affect other situations?)

another one is just straight-up noticing themes in a work. is there a certain idea that keeps getting brought up? what is the work trying to say about that idea? if it's being brought up often, it's probably worth paying attention to!

that goes for any pattern, actually. if you notice something, it's worth thinking about why it might be there. try considering things like potential subtext, or what a technique might be trying to convey to a reader. even if you can't explain why every element of a text is there, you'll often gain something by trying to think about why something exists in a story.

^ sometimes the answer to that question is not always "because it's intentional" or even "because it was a good choice for the storytelling." authors frequently make choices that suck shit (I am a known complainer about choices that suck shit.) that's also worth thinking about. english classes won't encourage this line of thinking, because they're trying to get you to approach texts with intentional thought instead of writing them off. I appreciate that goal, genuinely, but I do think it hampers people's enthusiasm for analysis if they're not also being encouraged to analyze why they think something doesn't work well in a story. sometimes something sucks and it makes new students mad if they're not allowed to talk about it sucking! I'll get into that later - knowing how and why something doesn't work is also a valuable skill. being an informed and analytical hater will get you far in life.

so that's in-work literary analysis. id also recommend annotating your pages/pdfs or keeping a notebook if you want to close-read a work. keeping track of your thoughts while reading even if they're not "clever" or whatever encourages you to pay attention to a text and to draw patterns. it's very useful!

now, for out-of-work literary analysis! it's worth synthesizing something within its context. what social settings did this work come from? was it commenting on something in real life? is it responding to some aspects of history or current events? how does it relate to its genre? does it deviate from genre trends, commentate on them, or overall conform to its genre? where did the literary techniques it's using come from - does it have any big stylistic influences? is it referencing any other texts?

and if you don't know the answer to a bunch of these questions and want to know, RESEARCH IS YOUR FRIEND! look up historical events and social movements if you're reading a work from a place or time you're not familiar with. if you don't know much about a genre, look into what are considered common genre elements! see if you can find anyone talking about artistic movements, or read the texts that a work might be referencing! all of these things will give you a far more holistic view of a work.

as for your own personal reaction to & understanding of a work... so I've given the advice before that it's good to think about your own personal reactions to a story, and what you enjoy or dislike about it. while this is true that a lot of this is a baseline jumping-off point on how I personally conduct analysis, it's incomplete advice. you should not just be thinking about what you enjoy or dislike - you should also be thinking about why it works or doesn't work for you. if you've gotten a better grasp on story mechanics by practicing the types of pattern recognition i recognized above, you can start digging into how those storytelling techniques have affected you. did you enjoy this part of a story? what made it work well? what techniques built tension, or delivered well on conflict? what about if you thought it sucked? what aspects of storytelling might have failed?

sometimes the answer to this is highly subjective and personal. I'm slightly romance-averse because I am aromantic, so a lot of romance plots will simply bore me or actively annoy me. I try not to let that personal taste factor too much into serious critiques, though of course I will talk about why I find something boring and lament it wasn't done better lol. we're only human. just be aware of those personal taste quirks and factor them into analysis because it will help you be a bit more objective lol

but if it's not fully influenced by personal taste, you should get in the habit of building little theses about why a story affected you in a certain way. for example, "I felt bored and tired at this point in a plot, which may be due to poor pacing & handling of conflict." or "I felt excited at this point in the plot, because established tensions continued to get more complex and captured my interest." or "I liked this plot point because it iterated on an established theme in a way that brought interesting angles to how the story handled the theme." again, it's just a good way to think about how and why storytelling functions.

uh let's see what else. analysis is a collaborative activity! you can learn a lot from seeing how other people analyze! if you enjoy something a lot, try looking into scholarly articles on it, or youtube videos, or essays online! develop opinions also about how THOSE articles and essays etc conduct analysis, and why you might think those analyses are correct or incorrect! sometimes analyses suck shit and developing a counterargument will help you think harder about the topic in question! think about audience reactions and how those are created by the text! talk to friends! send asks to meta blogs you really like maybe sometimes

find angles of analysis that interest and excite you! if you're interested in feminist lenses on a work, or racial lenses, or philosophical lenses, look into how people conduct those sort of analyses on other works. (eg. search feminist analysis of hamlet, or something similar so you can learn how that style of analysis generally functions) and then try applying those lenses to the story you're looking at. a lot of analysts have a toolkit of lenses they tend to cycle through when approaching a new text - it might not be a bad idea to acquire a few favored lenses of your own.

also, most of my advice is literary advice, since you can broadly apply many skills you learn in literary analysis to any other form of storytelling, but if you're looking at another medium, like a game or cartoon, maybe look up some stuff about things like ludonarrative storytelling or visual storytelling! familiarizing yourself with the specific techniques common to a certain medium will only help you get better at understanding what you're seeing.

above all else, approach everything with intellectual curiosity and sincerity. even if you're sincerely curious about why something sucks, letting yourself gain information and potentially learning something new or being humbled in the process will help you grow. it's okay to not have all the answers, or to just be flat-out wrong sometimes. continuing to practice is a valuable intellectual pursuit even if it can mean feeling a tad stupid sometimes. don't be scared to ask questions. get comfortable sometimes with the fact that the answer you'll arrive at after a lot of thought and effort will be "I don't fully know." sometimes you don't know and that can be valuable in its own right!

thank you for the ask, and I hope you find this helpful!

[four-dogteeth]

RP AD! Call of Duty, Ghoap, NSFW, real degenerate shit!!!

I read a fanfic like this that absolutely destroyed me. I need to explore the idea of Ghost having some severe medical trauma from Roba… And being desperately in love with his best mate.

Also I have never actually played COD. i know about the character backstories and such but I don’t know everything about the actual games themselves or the military BHAHAH. I might switch around some of the stories to help my idea so im sorry about that but idrc 🙏🏻

Tw for sexual assualt, medical trauma, past abuse, shit like that

Simon “Ghost” Riley. That’s his name.

Sometimes, he needs to remind himself that, so used to the name Ghost. The mask, too. It keeps his face hidden. At first, it was some cringey choice he had made as a new recruit, but after Roba, after New Mexico, he couldn’t stand seeing his face.

It went from being a stupid mask and to being his face. He felt less himself with the thing off. But all of that happened 9 fucking years ago, and he shouldn’t worry about it anymore. Everyone calls him Ghost, but when he’s with Johnny…

Well, he calls him a range of names. LT. Simon. Ghost. Sir. That last one always drives him crazy.

Either way, it feels natural with Johnny. Everything does. 3 years of friendship does that. And his best mate is probably the person he trusts the most- he’s even one of the few people who know about New Mexico at all. Not the gorey details, of course. If he knew about the meat hook, the scorpions… God forbid the doctor who chopped his fucking manhood off.

9 years. 9 years without his cock attached to his fucking body. And not a single soul knowing but Price, who had been there when the doctors were treating him, and the doctors themselves. No one else knew.

That’s what he’s been struggling with the most. Johnny not knowing, that is. He always took the man as straight. He only talked about women, but clearly not, because he asked Simon out tonight. A drink, just the two of them. He isn’t an idiot. He’s almost certain what this is.

He stares in the mirror, trying to decide whether or not to wear the mask. He doesn’t even know why he agreed to this. If Soap is interested, that means he would have to explain. He would need to tell Soap he doesn’t have a penis. The idea of it makes him nauseous…

Then he hears the knock on the door. Simon sighs, leans his head into his hand to try and calm himself back down.

“Come on in, Johnny.”

[alaskan-wallflower]

south park high school headcanons

TW for drinking and smoking (i have t watched the post pandemic special, so i don’t quite consider if canon..? I dunno though please don’t come for me-)

Eric Cartman:

Doesn’t give a shit about school tbh

I mean he’s probably a solid C/D student

Probably sits next to the teacher, lmao

He’s a pretentious little bitch, we know this, and he probably just harasses kids all the time

Like if there’s a presentation or something he’s probably pretending to be asleep or something

(especially if it’s Kyle)

Probably makes fun of everyone for their class choices

”Oh of course Kahl is taking economics. Those damn Jews” or “Kenny, why are you taking home economics if we all know you’re poor as hell and don’t have any food in your trailer to make this shit anyway?”

Was probably that one annoying kid who laughed during sex ed

Flips the teachers off when they aren’t looking

Is probably an angel to all the teachers but to the students, he’s a massive dick

Probably tried making Kyle fail his classes by hacking into the website

They only knew it was him because for comments/observations tab he put some ‘stupid Jew’ spiel

He’s dumb as shit sometimes

Bullies freshmen

Probably started Freshie Friday

Hes the kind of person to spray Axe Body Speay everywhere and has probably made multiple people sick because of it

Failing Gym

Mainly because he never makes up classes and refused to swim in ‘contaminated water’ (probably aimed at the girls or Kenny)

Doesnt date through high school

because nobody wanted to date a neonazi manipulative asshole

Probably didn’t do any clubs

He probably joined the Gay Straight Alliance (run probably by Big Gay Al) and ripped on everyone there

Got bored and never went back after he ran out of jokes

Honestly he’s probably to lazy to do any clubs after school

He doesn’t like staying in school after he’s already

Probably has gotten suspended a few times

(likely for putting a cherry bomb in Kyle’s locker)

Im kinda lost on Cartman lmao

Stan Marsh

Honestly? He probably drank a lot in high school

Kyle often had to take care of him and scold him for drinking

Stan’s probably a B/C student

Probably studies better in a group than alone

Thanks the stars that Shelley is a senior and will leave him alone

(though I do think she somewhat mellowed down, though she still threatens to beat the fuck out of him sometimes)

And Sharon probably helps him when she isn’t busy

But he feels awkward going to her for help

Randy is awful to study with

”So if I have x amounts of condoms and y amounts of-“ “Fuck this Im calling Kyle”

Kyle is his study buddy when he can’t turn to anyone else

which is pretty often

He pays pretty good attention in class

Probably still dating Wendy tbh

Stan definitely wears like zip up hoodies and ripped jeans and such

Probably bleached the lower half of his hair

it didn’t look good

His hair’s greasy af i’m calling it

Its fluffy when he washes it but that’s a rarity

Uses 3 in 1

wears gloves everywhere

lowkey germaphobe

Probably joined some sort of after school activity

Probably some sort of helping the community club

Tbh he failed chemistry multiple times

Hes trying though

Graduates with probably a solid 3.2 GPA

(idk how colorado does it i’m just going based off of where i live)

Probably goes to college and then drops out after two years

Works a few jobs because he wants to get out of the house

Overall good student, 7/10

Kyle Broflovski

That rare breed between nerd and jock

Hes probably one of those athletic kids getting awards and stuff all the time

Def on the swim team during the fall/spring and the basketball team during the winter

Also does a bunch of those community clubs (things that you would join to get into NHS)

His parents are probably super strict about grades

Theyre all about ‘keeping a good example for Ike’

So he usually beats himself up if he gets a grade below a 95

Speaking of, he’s probably top of his class ngl

Very smart

Studies better alone and probably isn’t the greatest at helping others study, but he’s trying

Honestly probably gets a little less insecure(?) about his hair and doesn’t wear his hat as much

Still barely takes it off but he’ll leave it off during sporting events

I know that thing smells like ass/hj

Probably wears a lot of flannels and t-shirts

Has reading glasses (they’re thick rimmed and brown)

Either that or he wears contact lenses but glasses are more convenient for him

Doesnt like wearing them because they remind him of his cousin Kyle Schwartz

Probably in all honors/AP/college courses

Gets academic awards a lot

He probably did band for one year to fulfill one of his miscellaneous credits (he played clarinet)

He’s probably one of the sweeter kids though, sports help him work through his anger issues

Still snaps at Cartman a lot though

Sometimes doesn’t take good care of himself between sports and studying

So Stan whips him into line

Probably had one partner through high school, doesn’t really play around much

Either that or he doesn’t date at all, he’s just too busy

If he were to date it’s be in junior/senior year, maybe sophomore year if it was the right person and they weren’t needy or too demanding of his time

Probably graduated with an advanced diploma

Goes to some ivy league school

Solid 4.0/4.1 GPA

Majors in math and minors in science

Kenny McCormick

Ngl he doesn’t give a shit

Probably failing some of his classes, has a few B’s, some D’s, he’s really scattered when it comes to grades

Probably skips class sometimes when he doesn’t feel like going

Still wears that same parka

He’s still taking home economics/hj

Probably sneaks into the girls changing room as Princess Kenny 🤭

That one kid who has a crush on all his female teachers

”Guys my average is a 69”

Hes the glue to keep all the boys together but tbh I feel like they drift apart and go their own directions during high school

They probably have like-game days on Saturdays though

He wants to keep the group together though because they’re probably more family than his own family (minus Karen)

Still dies a lot

Probably tries to die so he can get out of doing tests and such

Is the reason they don’t allow costumes at Halloween (he was def a playboy bunny)

Probably takes a lot of non honors/no college courses

The latter even less so because his family can’t afford it

Graduates with a barely passing GPA and goes to community college

Probably ended up dropping out tho

But he still makes sure to keep in touch with all the boys (minus cartman but he keeps in touch with Butters)

Butters Stotch

(speaking of-)

Honestly? Solid B student

Is probably still the most naive of the group, though he does stick up for himself now

Doesn’t like being called Butters much but Leopald is worse

So he either goes by Butters or Leo

Probably has a knack for history??

Honestly doesn’t do all honors courses, proabbly does honors history and maybeeee honors English

Sucks at math

His parents ground him a lot because of this

So he ends up with a tutor

He goes to the girls’ sleepovers as Margerine sometimes

Grew out of his Hello Kitty obsession :(

(…tbh he was probably into Pusheen at some point-)

Anyway

Probably has a solid 3.5 GPA or something

Doesn’t graduate at the top of his class but he isn’t the dumbest person in the room

Probably is involved in the theater department

Honestly very artsy??

Probably takes a lot of art classes because he loves it so much

Majors in it!!

Probably minors in history too :)

Hes pretty nice to everyone in his classes and maybe even dates in high school..?

His parents don’t like it though

And he can’t go out much because he gets grounded a lot still

Overall pretty good!!

Tolkien Black

Probably still dating Nicole

Salutatorian

Probably competes with Kyle a lot because of academics

Hes in the band

Plays trumpet

Of course Cartman says shit about this all the time, I’m calling it

Him and Kyle do butt heads a lot but honestly I feel like they’d end up being pretty good friends

Still cringed at his old TikToks

Hes probably in most AP/honors classes

Probably majors in music in college?

Or maybe he minors in it

Most likely the latter

He’a your go to study person

He’s pretty nice about it too, he doesn’t shame you for getting the answers wrong

He’s that one kid who has house parties a lot when his parents aren’t home

Mainly because Cartman kept calling him a pussy and saying he had no balls

Doesn’t have alcohol though

Him and Nicole were probably voted cutest couple

Them or Tweek and Craig

He hangs out with Clyde a lot and helps him with his courses

Hes probably class president tbh

Or maybe vice president

His parents donate tons of money to the school

Hes pretty level headed and calm during tests and quizzes

He’s really focused and motivated in school

Overall solid 3.9 GPA

Probably only behind Kyle by very little

And he’s okay with it

He probably goes to some hardcore Ivy League school like Harvard or Yale or some shit

Probably uses music as a side hustle in college to help pay for his classes

He was hellbent on paying for colllege alone, or mostly alone. He didn’t want people thinking he was only at said college because he was rich.

Pretty good overall, 10/10

Clyde Donovan

Clyde…is Clyde

Hes a dumbass

A lovable dumbass big a dumbass nonetheless

Scored so low on his SAT the first time he took it

Cries to Tolkien all the time because of his grades but when Tolkien tries to help him he gets distracted and leaves

He’s that one hella sporty kid though

Definitely captain of the soccer team

Probably in the Gay Straight Alliance for ‘shits and giggles’ but then finds out he’s pan, lmao

I feel like him and Bebe are really tight

They go shoe shopping together

Cries when he loses Kahoot

Uses Chat GDP to talk to girls 🫢

Honestly is probably like-weirdly good at math but nothing else

Calls Kyle and Tolkien his algebros whenever they’re grouped together

(i kinda hdc that he’s in honors math too with kyle and tolkien)

That honors math course saved his GPA

honestly it’s probably a 3.0 or a 3.1

Hes not completely dumb though

He gets a lot of sports awards and stuff

Kinda headcanon Clyde to have dyslexia?

So maybe that makes things a little more difficult for him

Studies better in groups

Gets easily distracted tho

He’s a horrible test taker

Cries whenever he can’t figure out the answer

Overall, he’s kinda mid

He probably goes to college tho

He stays in college for two years before he graduates

He was probably their star football player, so they were probably sad to see him go

But academically, he’s not great

Craig Tucker

Science geek

Mainly Earth Science but any science is basically a second language to him

He’s honestly probably good at English too?? like he’s a really good writer

Hes probably in honors English and Science

He combusts when it comes to geometry and map work

He’s bad with dates

Like he can hardly remember his anniversary with Tweek or his own birthday half the time

He’s pretty good at helping people study if it’s one on one

He’ll bully some people harder than others when it comes to helping them though

Goes after Clyde a lot of the time whenever he comes over for extra help

”Of you would leave I would be sooooo happy.”

He’s nice with Tweek though

Helps him not to panic during tests and such, probably gives him a lot of fidget toys too

(most of which are space themed)

Speaking of, I do kinda headcanon Craig with some kind of neurodivergent condition like autism or something

I kinda feel like space would be his special interest

He mellowed out a lot after middle school, but he still flips everyone off

Thats usually the extent though

His locker is an absolute mess, I already know it

The teachers for the most part like him

He pays attention and such

Probably wears reading glasses, they’re thin though and he doesn’t wear them a lot

Eric third wheels him and Tweek’s study dates a lot too

He studies online using things like Quizlet and stuff

Loves reading

He’s probably snuck out of class a few times, but doesn’t do it often

Solid 3.7/3.8 GPA

Probably in the top 20% in his class

Goes to a pretty good college, probably on the west coast like in California or something

He’s pretty good in school

Tweek Tweak

Horrible test taker

Probably has to go to a different room, which just stresses him out more

Tbh Eric probably got him to get high once or twice

It did calm him down but it also freaked Craig the fuck out

Especially because this was during lunch

Tweek was fine, he was just extraordinarily sick and Craig was not happy

The teachers don’t really like Tweek

They think he’s a distraction and a ‘bad influence’ for other kids because of his freak outs

He hogs the coffee machine at school istg

I kinda headcanon Tweek to have acid reflux too?? So his stomach ends up gurgling in class and making weird sounds and the teachers get mad-

And this freaks him out even more because he thinks he’s dying

”Why is it doing that?! Why?! Did someone poison the coffee?! Did the underpants gnomes come back?! GAH!”

He’s hella good in gym class

Tweek on the track team??? anyone???

It helps him burn through some of his anxiety

He probably has a 504 too after his parents kept getting calls about his anxiety

Goes to the school counselor a lot

He probably brings fidget toys to class a lot and often has to give Craig his phone so he doesn’t end up getting hooked in on something some celebrity said and then start freaking out

He’s probably really good at English

Reading helps him forget about his anxiety for a bit

He always has to double/triple check to make sure he hasn’t missed anything

He uses his agenda religiously

Its probably stained with coffee and smells like a mixture of coffee and honey and sweat

His hands sweat and shake a lot during tests

He’s probably barely passing math, Craig helps him through science

He’s alright in social studies

His lowest grade is probably a 75

Craig and Tolkien help him out a lot too

I feel like he studies better one on one though

Too many people in one group makes him feel easily overwhelmed

He probably graduates with a 3.4 GPA or so

Goes to college in New England, he thinks city life will calm him down

Spoiler, it doesn’t

He probably drops out after a year or two before applying somewhere on the West coast to be closer to Craig and some of his other friends

English major and art minor??

I feel like he’s really good at art too

Art helps him vent in a healthy manner

Good student, not great, but good

Wendy Testaburger

Honestly? She’s actually low key smart

She was probably third in her class

She’s very good in math and english

She probably takes all the super hard classes too to ‘challenge herself’

She probably invites all the girls (maybe Princess Kenny and Margerine/hj) over for study date sleepovers

They never end up studying

But it does make for a pretty good time

Shes a really good test taker, but she probably ends up being too hard on herself too

Stan probably (reluctantly) asks her for help a lot of the time too

Social studies is the thing she excels in the most

Especially women’s history

She’s probably in a lot of clubs too, like the community service clubs

Shes secretary of her class, methinks

(I think Tolkien would be president, Kyle would be VP, she would be secretary and Bebe would be treasurer)

Cartman ran but they found out he rigged the votes

She’s all for being just and fair, so this pissed her off to no end

She needs glasses, her eyesight worsened after middle school

So freshman year she got glasses

I can see her doing girls wrestling

Shes probably a somewhat sporty kid, not like Kyle sporty but sporty nonetheless

She’s kind of a geek too lol

I feel like her and Kyle and Bebe are actually pretty good friends

They play chess together lol

Shes actually really sweet to like, new kids and such-probably shows them around

She gets some muscle after wrestling for so long

She also probably does track and field

I can see her being really good in long jumping

She kinda sucks at science though

She takes French

She graduates with a 3.85/3.95 GPA

Probably leaning towards the latter number

She probably goes to the west coast as well, probably somewhere in Nevada or California as well

She does pretty well, she goes to a really good school and probably majors in History and minors in English

I can see her being an English:History teacher

Probably for younger kids though

She stays on Twitch with Bebe and Heidi for hours istg

Shes so sweet, i love wendy tbh

Bebe Stevens

I know her mom is like the dumb blonde stereotype, but I feel like Bebe would be somewhat smart

She’s probably not top of her class but that’s not to say she’s not smart

She honestly is probably in the top 10% of her class

Her and Wendy and Kyle probably do study sessions together

She’s really competitive, so she kinda gets mad if Wendy gets a better score than her lol

Shes really artsy

Took AP art

Shes probably in AP Social Studies and honors English as well

Shes fine with reading, she doesn’t like it, but she’ll do it

Shes really good at math tho

Shes not so good at science, similarly to Wendy

So usually Kyle takes the lead on science during study sessions

She’s that one kid to be like ‘tall the substitute teacher is so hot!’ unironically

Shes hella hood at sewing

She’s probably gonna end up going into fashion tbh

She’s oddly good with money

Treasurer of her class

She probably helps organize prom and homecoming and stuff

Doesn’t date, she crushes around though, but she never actually asked anyone out

She’s really intense ngl, she probably taught Wendy how to fight

She’s on the cheer team

She isn’t a prick though, she’s probably one of the most bubbly cheerleaders out there tbh

Shes also in art club

Maybe does theater too?

She’s in band and choir, she actually has a really lovely voice

She can play flute really well too

Shes pretty smart, solid 3.7/3.8 GPA

Graduates and goes to a New England school, like in New York or Connecticut

She majors in Fashion Design and minors in Art

Heidi Turner

She’s not the brightest

Not to say she isn’t smart, she just isn’t very academically inclined

She probably takes a lot of the mythology classes and such

Shes really into star signs and crystals

Her and Craig started a ‘Space Club’ and actually got a few members to join

She kicked Eric out tho

She’s hella hood at Math and English

The rest is history

Sges probably grown a lot since the whole ‘Cartwoman’ incident

And she’s a lot kinder to people now

She’s weird, but a good kind of weird

She gives away crystals as a gift a lot to new freshman

Shes in the choir!!

She actually has a really amazing voice, she’s been doing choir for years

Shes that one senior that all the freshman flock to because she’s the kindest

She stands up for them where they’re being bullied too, tells them to be wary of Cartman

Shes hella short (4’11’’)

So she often gets picked on like ‘aw, someone went into the wrong building!’ or something stupid like that

She’s so sweet though, she’s that one friend who offers to help you with your homework and then just gives you all the answers

She graduates with maybe a 3.6 GPA or so

She probably stays local tbh, for college

Either that or she would go down to New York or smth

Probably gets into a decent school and majors in music

Wait no, she majors in psychology and minors in music

She becomes an art and music therapist, she loves helping people out

i love heidi 🤭

reblog >>>>> liking

[hotgirlstiles]

Genuinely how do you think stiles would react if he found out he and Paige were very similar? Would he ask derek something like do you think of her when you look at me?....

oh god you have NO idea how much this ask makes me so fucking crazy. Im literally the patron saint of making stiles suffer and go crazy. HES MY LITTLE DOLL!!!!

anyways. i think. god. yall already know how much i LOVE and talk about how both derek and the sheriff lost their ultimate loved one and how stiles is the literal embodiment of those two loved ones. i go batshit crazy whenever i think abt (after claudia’s death) stiles just missing his mom and maybe trying on her clothes in secret and her perfume and everything about her and it being one of the reasons why the sheriff (during his drunk eps) had absolutely. been so mean to him because that’s his wife and his son is the splitting image of her (physically and personality wise) and it just hurts

AND THEN YOU FACTOR IN PAIGE STILES AND ITS SO FUCKING. i genuinrly cannot even put it into enough words how much it makes me crazy. paige. jennifer. and how theyre both SO stiles. i just know stiles heart shattered when peter was telling that story and i KNOW stiles went on some research rampage on bh yearbooks and saw paige and just. this very devastating oh moment. immediately goes back and thinks abt every moment w derek and its like some slap to the face

i dont think stiles would outrigbt ask derek smthn like that but i feel like it would send stiles into a spiral similar to how or what happened w sheriff and claudia and i think thats such a painful cycle of just being this someone. the second choice almost—some kind of cheap copy of someone’s beloved because he was never really claudia nor was he really ever paige but sometimes does he try because he thinks thats all he is (some fake grade a copy of the original)

which probably makes it also insane because remember when the nogutsune split into two stile. sorry i dont even know how thats connected it just cane into my mind and now i had to say it

anyways im insane over this im genuinely always fucking thinking about stiles will always resemble derek and the sheriff’s lost loved ones and the implications of it to stiles, who has always been the underdog and has always received love in such thin barely there offhanded touches

ok apparently im not yet done cause i think When stiles found out abt paige canon-wise was like perfect since it was like that barely there conenction of sterek happening. oh my god if stiles found out abt paige during s3b itd be fuckkng DISASTER. imagine finding out you have frontotemporal dementia—essentially dying the same way your mother did, the EXACT same way your mother did right in front of your dad, aka he would experience his beloved’s death AGAIN—and then finding out your crush’s first fucking love literally has rhe same personality and looks as you. i would genuinely commit myself to eichen house at that point like i would never show my face to the sheriff and derek ever again

ok. on the topic of established sterek approaching that topic. i feel like it’d come randomly from stiles, like every topic does, and maybe on some quiet night just playing with derek’s fingers laying in bed and he’d just quietly ask “was paige pretty?” and derek would say some stupid shit like yeah you two looked very similar you two could be siblings which wohld set off stiles rockets and itd be castratophic basically. i dont even know how derek would fix the situation

[justmaghookit]

Disclaimer these thoughts and feelings are my own and im not judging you if you don't feel the same, this is just how it felt to ME personally while playing the new Dragon Age. If you had a good experience you're under no obligation to read this, I just wanted to get my thoughts out. Hell even if you had a bad experience you're not obligated to read my word vomit. I'm also not looking for debate or argument so if you're considering that kindly fuck off.

And in before anyone thinks they're funny, I actually enjoyed all the previous games from the start.

Spoilers for companion quests but that's it

I finished Veilguard and like, I probably would have enjoyed it more if I gave a shit about Solas but the fact is I do not. I also didn't care for the "elven gods are actually ancient evil mages" plot either that came out of left field near the end of Inquisition with all the evidence at the time being Solas going "just trust me bro"

If the whole plotline didn't feel like just an excuse to justify the games treatment of the elves

Like Bellara mentions in a side conversation about elven myths being really weird and creepy when you look into them but then doesn't actually give you examples.

And myths being weird and creepy alone isn't even good evidence because PLENTY of myths and legends from ancient civilisations are weird and creepy! That's just kinda how they are! Hell the bible is weird and creepy if you look close enough!

And the thing is i didn't start off not caring about Solas, I liked him! Hell I romanced him my first DAI playthrough because I was fascinated by him! But the writings insistent at pushing him at me turned me sour on him.

Like I'm one of those bitches who thought trespasser was an entirely unnecessary DLC cause man I already knew he was going to be the villain in the next game, I got that from the ending of the main game!!!

Also the game just feels short. I'd have to replay DA2 to compare that but it's definitely shorter than Origins in Inquisition(in my personal play time) and everything else feels crushed into a shorter time frame while simultaneously failing to make me feel like I'm under these deadly time restraints as we rush towards the end of the world.

Im making all these big choices but none of it feels impactful because I feel like I've spent barely any time with these characters, which SUCKS because I love the characters! The companions are the best thing about this game!! But I don't feel like I actually get close to them! Hell I didn't even feel close to my ROMANCE option because I felt like we rarely talked.

My partner and I talked a lot and like in the previous games during and after a big decision you could ask your companions their opinions, and sometimes it would give you the option to change their minds if they didn't agree with you(if they like you enough)

And sure i could walk into where they are hanging out and they'll say a line but it felt more like they where talking AT me then TO me.

Also the stupid fucking gifts? You get a non-cutscene of them going "oh thanks :)" and seeing it in their room. They don't talk to you about it, they don't even explain WHY they like it or what it means to them!

I wanted Bellara to tell me how the frog worked! I wanted Neve to tell me the story of the Dock Town mystery! I wanted Lucanis to say something about how is grandmother had a tea set like this!!! I don't even remember the other gifts I gave because they had zero impact!

Also man I can count on one hand the amount of times a companion disapproved of something I did and I dont want yes men! I want team mates who will challenge my decisions and get mad at me. Hell even the companion who gets hardened at the beginning doesn't even challenge you, and they have a reason to challenge you!

Don't even get me started on how stupid that hardened mechanic even is compared to previously.

And then half the companion quests end with really stupid one or the other decisions that do not have to be that way. Like im sorry why does Taash have to only honour ONE of their cultures. Why am I making a this or that decision about the griffons when they could be BOTH these things in the future. Why is Bellara asking ME a DWARF what to do with her people's history instead of discussing it with the other Jumpers? Why does Harding have to choose between her compassion and her rage when by all rights both of those emotions are hers to balance?

I dont know about Lucanis because of the hardening stuff but the only ones that kinda made sense was Emmrich and Neve, and Neve only because I'm a shadow dragon and have a stake in the city. For Emmrich he's leaning on a friend for support during an emotional time. It would have more effect if I felt we were closer friends and had more time together though!!!

Like this game could have been really really fucking good and it has a very decided story it wants to tell and on that front it does it well but its not a story I felt invested in. Maybe if I had read the tie in novels and comics I'd have been more invested but a good game series shouldn't rely on you reading all the tie in shit to be able to pull you in to its story!

I wish the game had been given space to breath and really let me feel close to the characters and the world. I wish I'd gotten that year with Varric and Harding, getting to know them and learning about Solas and what's at stake. I wish I'd had more interactions with my home factions characters, hell maybe even a personal quest to tie in to where you're from!

I cant help but feel like parts of it feel unfinished, like way back when we heard about the writer lay-offs at EA and Bioware we where told not to worry because the story was finished. But I cant help but think that only pertained to the main plot points, that all the little details that are usually lovingly rendered are missing. That Rook's personality feels so one note because they didn't have enough time. That the decisions are so bland because the writers didn't get to expand on them.

All in all to me DAV suffers the same dedregation of all other triple a games. And all other bioware products. Corners are cut and developers are put into straight up abusive development practices that harms the game and harms the industry and most importantly harms the creatives behind it. I really can't blame DAV for leaving me feeling empty when it was made in such a fucked environment.

[swandiveintoeternity]

is there anything that helps you when you run out of ambien? tbh i think i'm going to end up in a similar situation soon (in my case i haven't been overusing them but my doctor is just never in his office and the other doctors i get put with won't refill it and try to take me off it cold turkey) i hope you can find some way to hang in there, i'm sending kind thoughts your way and hope life gives you a break. wishing you the best 🫂

(I’m sorry this is so long, prepare for the biggest yapfest of 2024)

This is my first time running out, and it was due to my own stupid irresponsibility, so hopefully I shouldn’t deal with this issue again. However, I absolutely hate that your doctors are treating you so badly, it can be dangerous to pull you off of your meds at random especially when you really need it. If im not misreading and you’re taking Ambien as well, cold turkey quitting that stuff, whether it was your choice or not, can be dangerous depending on a few factors such as dose and length of time you’ve been on it. The doctors you are dealing with sound like they’re being incredibly careless with your health and if it’s possible I would see about switching doctors, but that process can be difficult and frustrating so I completely get it if you can’t do that.

If things start to get bad (like you begin having withdrawal symptoms or you start to feel like hurting yourself) and you have the option available near you, I would go to an urgent care or the ER.

I know that isn’t available to everyone though, but in the past four months I’ve been to the er and urgent care at least 15 times. It’s not an exaggeration, I just have been running into health problems that badly that many times in a short period. I’m saying this because it was the only way I could get SOME kind of help in my most desperate times. Maybe they can listen to the issues you’re having and someone might be able to help you get in contact with your doctor. I can’t say for sure what they’d be willing to do though, it’s like a gamble with every healthcare worker. Sometimes they’re really helpful, sometimes they’re indifferent to your situation.

Depending on where you are and what insurance you have, trying to get the help you NEED is like pulling teeth. I’m so sorry you have to deal with it, it’s stressful, scary, and it’s enough to drive you fucking insane. I’m also sorry that I’m not very good at giving advice and for going on a tangent. Despite being on the highest dose, I probably haven’t been on this med for as long as you have, and so therefore i have not dealt with much physical withdrawal symptoms. Mainly just anxiety, rebound insomnia, nausea. Its difficult for me to say exactly what I’m doing to deal with it, a lot of it is me just sitting and watching the clock, biting my nails, stuffing my face with food to deal with more bubbling over anxiety.

As far as I know, I am with certainty getting that prescription filled, so I’m able to find some comfort in knowing that it will happen eventually. For you, it seems that the future of your prescription refill is uncertain right now. I don’t know how you’re getting through any of it, but if I was in your shoes right now I’d probably be handling it very badly. That’s to say, I genuinely think you’re a resilient and strong person who has likely dealt with more than your fair share of problems and stressors. I think you’re going to make it through this, and you will be able to get in contact with your doctor or a doctor willing to listen to you, even if it’s a painstaking, infuriating process.

As for what I’m doing and I’ve been doing for the past week to get through it…I’ve been trying to keep myself distracted with other things and I take some other meds I have so that I’ll eventually get tired.

At night I take two benedryls, six hydroxizine (25mg), half a mirtazapine (15 mg, previously prescribed for insomnia but I stopped taking it after I got prescribed the zolpidem. I still have it so I’m using it to get through these two weeks) and two 10mg meletonin gummies. These are split into two doses, not taken all at once. I take a Benedryl, three hydroxyzine, and a meletonin gummy. Then I take the rest after a few hours, usually closer to 5 am and then I try to sleep. It’s worked so far, the key is to not start flipping out if you can’t fall asleep immediately, which I do a lot.

I’m not sure if you have hydroxyzine on hand, they give that stuff out like candy, but it’s an antihistamine similar to Benedryl and it can make you sleepy. If you don’t have that, 10mg meletonin gummies and Benedryl might help at least a little BUT PLEASE BE CAREFUL with how much Benedryl you take. It’s funny to joke about that hatman, but you can seriously die if you’re not careful. I went to the icu last month due to an accidental overdose of Benedryl and hydroxizine, wasn’t in there long but it was ROUGH.

At max, take three, but don’t take more than that in one night if you can help it. And don’t take them all at once. If you feel like they’re not working, give it time. I used to take about six or seven benedryls every night just to maybe catch a little sleep. Tolerance can build on it, so you have to be cautious about how much you’re taking.

I wish I had some better way to help, I’m so sorry for this long ass paragraph, I really hope I was able to answer some questions but please feel free to ask more if you need some clarification or anything else. I’m sorry that your doctors aren’t helping you, I know how fucking awful it is to deal with. I’m sorry if I didn’t make any sense at all but I hope I did, let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help. You’ve got this 🫂💖💖💖💖

[not-poignant]

hi pía, this isn’t really a question but i was thinking of a post i saw from you the other day, in reference to hannibal and will fics. I am a HUGE lover of their ship and the fics that come with but i’m also a massive lover of yours and was thinking about how similar but different they are. maybe i’m psychoanalysing this buts it’s really been on my mind how someone could write fics like yours but not find the dynamic of hannibal and will interesting. there’s definitely a lot of different reasons but i think it mostly boils down to this:

hannibal tends to cause will a lot of pain in an attempt to monopolise him. he only loves will because he sees him as an extent of himself, like an arm or a leg if u will, a true narcissist.

where’s as they dynamics in most of your books, original or fanfic, whether they start out with someone in pain theirs usually a sort of arc where the character heals and growsi think the closest would be mosk and im so sorry i forgot the other mcs name :( basically a lot of comfort after the hurt

i dunno i just thinks it’s a really interesting difference

Hi anon!

This is cool reasoning, and that is a part of it, but I'd like to add probably one of the most important things here - people just have opinions about things, and they don't always have to make sense.

I really can't stand the Steve/Bucky ship. It's squicked me from the beginning. I couldn't tell you why, it literally does have many of the things I love in a ship - someone with a trauma background, two people who are often trying to do better, crunchy consent issues, and more.

Can't stand it. As a multishipper I literally cannot read this ship. (Sorry folks, it's a great ship, I respect y'all who love it and I'm glad you have a lot of fic for it).

Not everything has a logical reason, because we're lumps of meat and we just make arbitrary decisions sometimes (or our body does).

(This is actually why people looking for moral reasons to hate or love a ship is kind of stupid, but that's a whole other issue).

So yeah, I mean if I wanted to, I could write a hurt/comfort Will and Hannibal fic with growth. There's literally thousands doing that in AU format where Hannibal was never a cannibal in the first place! I've even bookmarked a few of those. I could write a Hannibal who isn't horrendously physically and emotionally abusive to Will!

Like, all the things about the canon characters is true, anon, but we change things all the time in fanfiction and that's the fun of it. One of my favourite ships ever is Severus/Harry, but I don't think anyone would say that they have a particularly growth/positive connection to each other in canon (not while Snape is alive, anyway).

In Rise of the Guardians, Pitch is basically a theatrical monster who literally loves making children cry, and tries to kill Jack repeatedly. There's zero growth and eventually he's defeated.

It's one of my favourite ships of all time.

We just make choices, anon. The reasons I don't love Will/Hannibal are definitely in your above ask, but they're also just in the fact that I'm a lump of meat with electrons firing randomly who just makes choices and has random opinions about stuff!

That's why how I feel about a ship has no bearing on how anyone else feels about it, and vice versa! :D (I really truly mean it when I'm glad other people enjoy these ships, because them enjoying it says nothing about them, and nothing about me, because shipping is personal, weird, and often not at all logical. For every logical 'oh yeah that's true' I can think of a pairing where it's like 'oh but that do that and I love that ship.' Brains are just...really really really weird. :)

[liauditore]

Hello i am very politely asking for who 77.9 and 76 are and why they're named that :)

An excuse to rant about my writing?? :D :D

referring to this and this

You guys got it right! 77.9 is Pearl and 76 is Martyn. I think I'll leave the reason behind why they're called that for after I'm done with the whole series but if you do some digging around the fandom you'd probably be able to find it 👍 (it's not that deep lol)

Narrative-wise a hint I could give is that it was very much me stealing the idea from Your Turn to Die if you're familiar with that (if you're not you should get into it everyone should get into your turn to die).

Pearl's def the easiest to guess just by noticing the Watcher referring to her as "her" so I didn't really care too much about making that one subtle lol

Cus I feel like rambling here's some symbolism stuff in there (pay attention to the questions about cats and dogs, for instance) where I tried to put some "the curtains were blue because he was sad" energy into, like:

The Watcher: What are your thoughts on cats? 77.9: I don't have any choice but to answer your stupid questions, huh? [The Watcher remains silent] 77.9: Cats are nice, I guess. When I was little I used to feed this stray cat that showed up sometimes. I was convinced we had some sort of special bond, but one day he just didn't show up again. I like to think that he died peacefully.

Like, yes this is literally about a cat, but it's also an echo of her relationship with Scott. She gives and gives in return for any semblance of companionship, kind but insecure. Naive enough that she'd rather convince herself that the cat died instead of it just leaving her. So when Scott confirms her worst fears in DL, she breaks.

The Watcher: Do you prefer cats or dogs? 76: Aren't both great? Most people think I'm more of a dog person but if I had to choose, I think I'd rather have a cat.

Then here, in Martyn's interrogation, a somewhat similar question gets asked. Again, yes, very literal question and answer - the guy just likes cats.

But it's also a reflection of his loyalty towards Ren and Dogwarts. Ngl I kind of overuse cats as symbolism so they mean a lot of different things but here I was trying to get at their more solitary and independent reputation (because in the end, Martyn would've betrayed Ren to win the game).

Honestly I could talk at length about their characterizations in this, how it ties in with my headcanons/mercenary AU, the milgram/SCP inspo, etc. etc. but I don't wanna ramble too hard or else I'll feel like I don't have to make the art anymore lmao (but feel free to ask pls ask im buzzing vibrating brrrr)

so uh yeah 👍

[bloodsalted]

𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘 𝐌𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐓 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐄𝐑. REPOST DO NOT REBLOG !!

NAME : dixon. been going by it for too long to change it. thought about it a couple times but it's stuck with me for a handful of years now. oop! also not my real name.

PRONOUNS : she/her/numbnuts/idc!

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : i lose track of tumblr ims very easily. discord is preferred and i will give it to any mutual that might want it!

NAME OF MUSE(S) : dean winchester is my main. i have jack kline @lasthymn and a human oc that gets demon possessed kinda dual muse at @unscriptured . my multi is low activity atm and i'm just replying to what i got at the moment. my spn brainrot is very real.

BEST EXPERIENCE : meeting all the people i have here and enjoying our time together. hanging out with @hostiae / @devourcr at eccc. generally, just the experience of meeting such lovely, awesome partners that become friends and people i cherish. even if we don't speak often. i really do adore the people who i get to share this lil orbit with.

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : not reading my rules. becomes obvious when you don't. especially with a couple character or plot types i list that i don't feel comfortable writing and they get pushed on me. always read rules so you start out on a good page. it's so important! using roleplay to make yourself seem better than others. whether that be that you're more virtuous than them (as my buddy ava said) because they write things you don't like (rant to a bud, get your feelers out, block and move on??) or way more hip, progressive or whatever for plots you do or won't do or fcs or graphics you use. we're all just here writing. it's not that serious. have fun with it. curate your experience. screw anon button on. you'll be way less stressed. and a tiny one. refollowing on repeat. but that just gets a block eventually. and super easy to handle.

MUSE PREFERENCES : flawed heroes, burdened souls that are good people deep down, the distant person that has walls because of self-preservation, kind souls that've been burned too many times that they are cautious to warm up to others. misunderstood, thoughtful types. characters that still need to learn themselves and grow. on the complete opposite side? completely unhinged psychopaths, sociopaths, whatever else that falls under that line.

PLOTS OR MEMES : ava said this really well. memes are the easiest way to get my attention. i don't mind sending them in. or having them sent (though rn my inbox is a little big but i'm working on it, might just take me some time!). and then from there as we build up, if we match well, plotting is something i LOVE to do. i get that some don't though and i'm always more than fine winging it to see what happens. pretty flexible. but i really do love things that stick between muses.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : i write a lot most of the time. usually on accident. sometimes i get carried away and am enjoying myself. i, in no way, expect replies to match length and i mean it. i just need smth to work with. i've been keeping some posts purposefully shorter. especially meme replies as i work through my inbox. we can expand or shrink as needed!

BEST TIME TO WRITE : usually really late at night. i'm a night owl with insomnia and, as much as sarah threatens to beat me with a chair? i find sleep difficult. writing helps that!

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : i don't know? i'm probably more like dean than i am any of them. but i try to make better choices that won't end up with me getting hurt. though there are people i'd let the apocalypse happen to save. some people are just that important. sorry world. if we're going down. we're going down together at least? dean and i have very very similar music tastes. though some of my stuff would be thrown out the window. we both have stupid humor. we're loyal. i do like my jeans, t-shirts and flannels. but we are VERY different in many ways. or it'd be boring to write someone just like me.

TAGGED BY: @murderdeals TAGGING: anyone who follows me! i'd love to know more about you! tag me so i can read! and this means...YOU'RE IT!

[gnarlymetalghost]

okay so my boyfriend broke up with me (for reasons that feel dumb to me but are very real for someone who has anxiety), i convinced him to just go on a break, blah blah blah we talked again and i think i fucked it up royally because i told him he was being immature about it. i need to apologize to him but i’m worried that the more i talk to him, the less there will be to save. i’m just gonna write it down here instead.

i’m sorry i said that you were being immature. i’m a lot like my dad and i have a lot of tendencies towards black and white thinking. it seems immature to me, but the anxiety about making the right decisions is so real.

for me, i don’t think anyone is the right choice. any number of people can be the right choice. i think that if you find someone who you want to have experiences with, that’s enough. you have to choose that person, with all of their issues and assets. and it’s stupid and terrible because there’s always gonna be a voice in the back of your head that’s saying “did i make the right choice? did sierra make the right choice?” but it doesn’t matter, it’s a good enough choice for right now.

the culture we live in and grew up in is stupid but we can’t escape it and we’re living with the programming, as hard as we’re trying to escape it. i’m not holding you to forever. i’m not holding you for eternity. i think i would if you let me, but i don’t know if i’ve seriously considered marrying you. it could be fun, but i’m not thinking about it because that’s not where we are yet. i’m enjoying life with you right now. that’s enough. if you’re scared about a future, i’m just holding you to tomorrow. and we take it day by day. the pressure you’re putting on yourself is unfair, i wish you could let yourself be casual about it.

there’s a lot of language that’s thrown around about it that weigh really heavy on people in our situation. “when you know you know” is comforting to some people but to me it feels like when someone says “you’ll know when you feel the spirit.” how? is it heightened emotions or is it god? do i love you or am i horny? and what is love? because i don’t feel butterflies for you all the time. sometimes i feel scared we’re running out of things to talk about. and then i get stressed because is that real or is it because my period is about to start? but then i’m laying in bed scrolling through tiktok and all i can think about is sending them to you and texting you about how crazy my grandma is and asking if you wanna watch saw x when i see you next. relationships ebb and flow but they take work. i want to put in the work.

i’m sorry that it feels like i’m throwing away a friendship for the both of us. i have had big feelings for you for a long time, and i understand how that’s scary for you. time and time again we’ve had this conversation about whether or not we should date, and i sacrificed myself to maintain the status quo. i didn’t want to lose you, i didn’t want you to lose me. but in doing so, you’ve never known what it’s like when i’m not around. i keep creating an environment where you don’t lose anything but i feel like the world is crumbling. i thought i was being mature because it take a big person to stay friends with someone they love, but maybe i’m just not a big person. maybe it’s not the mature thing for me to do when i let myself hurt so much so that you stay. maybe the mature thing is to finally let us both feel the loss. and if i can survive it and it’s permanent, then it is what it is. these boundaries i set were not an easy decision because there’s comfort in the pain of keeping you around on your terms, and i already fucking miss you.

i don’t give up on things. i’ve 100%ed every video game i’ve ever played, i’ve never given up on a book no matter how long it takes me, and i’ve finished every movie i’ve ever started. it’s probably an annoying trait. but by god i haven’t given up on you yet and im not going to now. i want to work through this. and every time we do this stupid dance, we always end up closer than before, despite my best efforts. i wanted to keep you at arms length but you ended up in my arms instead. i said it before but i maintain my conviction: the attraction, our friendship, and being a health partnership is a good enough reason to continue this path, regardless of if it’s right or not. i still think it’s too soon to tell, even for me, as happy as i’ve been for the last two months.

but if it’s just not going to work, i’m gonna miss you. some of my favorite things were when you put your arms around me at the Collective Soul concert. i was still nervous that you weren’t attracted to me, and it made me feel good that you wanted to be close with all of those people around. i’m gonna miss watching movies. film analysis while holding hands is my love language. i’m gonna miss my hands in the hair on the back of your neck, i’m gonna miss seeing you play the bass, i’m gonna miss being able to simply glance at you and know that you thought of the exact same joke that i did without even saying it out loud. you don’t know if you’ll be in love with me, and that’s okay. because even if you were never in love with me, i think these things were love. i don’t think love is as deep as the people around us make it out to be. i think that love is the act of choosing.

if this is permanent and we don’t stay together, the door is always open. i’ll always want you around if you want to come back. inversely, if i get over you and can broach the topic of being friends without feeling the heartache, i hope you’ll leave that door open for me.

i’m sorry again, for all of it. thank you again, for all of it.

[autumnfangirler]

3, 25, 31 for ocs of choice for the couple's meme 👀

Sure! you are witness to a rare occasion where i actually make a choice (and you get to see who my favourites are)

3. By contrast, what was the moment that first made their ~heart~ Soft for the other person? Not necessarily a concious realization of "I love this person," but a moment that had them like "Oh...I adore them..."

Caine- caine finds the most value in the small moments, little things they get to notice and appreciate about the people they love. for ortega, it was back in the sidestep days, after some big fight they won that had ortega smiling like the sun. they didnt realize it then, but he loved that smile, and subconciously started to help the rangers more often just to see it. as for chen, theres a line in the game that goes like "he sounds amused in the way he does when spoon does something funny. no intent hiding behind it". i think it was the first time that happened. caine rarely got to see chen without a layer of distance or suspicion, so the first time he truly got to see him happy without the mask, they couldnt help committing it to memory

Cyrus- thats so mushy and stupid. he's going to throw up on you. hes also pulling out an alphabetically arranged and growing list of tidbits about daniel he absolutely adores. i dont think there was a specific moment that made him develop his crush on herald, it was more things he noticed that built up over time. his determination for his cause, his soft yet firm insistence of what he sees in cyrus, and of course his sweet little smile all made cyrus fall for him. the moment he realized "oh shit im in love with him" though, was the regene reveal. being seen and accepted for what he was when he only expected condemnation was such a novel prospect to him he really went "well i cant NOT fall in love with him"

Cynthia- she's such a hopeless romantic, if you asked her when she fell in love with ortega, she's say the first time she saw her smile. in actuality, it would be at some point braiding her hair. cynthia and ortega would tend to talk to eachother while cynthia worked. sometimes itd be silly stupid banter, and other times itd be...heavier, but either way, she learned a lot of what she does about ortega this way. she also gets to see ortega relaxed and honest in a way she never is around the press or her team, and it makes her super soft to know thats a privilege that gets extended to her. its also part of the reason she was a little sad to see it gone after heartbreak (altho cynthia does have longer hair than she used to in her sidestep days, so role reversal is definetely possible 👀)

25. They accidentally hurt or upset their partner. What happened? How do they respond? What do they do to make their partner feel better?

oh man, what happened indeed. the answer drastically changes depending on whether its a reveal or if its a natural disagreement or such, but ill answer for both

Cyrus- if its being revealed as puppeteer? uh. doubling down 💀 sorry danny, but youre really slowing down the whole villain and being evil thing, so he might as well use this as an opportunity to cut the chord completely. in his head he probably sees this as a good thing for herald anyway, because he doesnt have to be bogged down by feelings for him. a clean cut for the both of them. if its a natural disagreement, its probably more along the lines of cyrus making fun of something daniel likes. hes used to teasing and making fun of things with ortega, i dont think hed account for the fact daniel might take it to heart. when he does realize it, i think hed take the time to sit down with him and apologize. hes not the best with emotions, so itd lean more to explaining his reasoning, but he does promise to take an effort not to do that again. he doesnt want to ruin anything over something as stupid as that

Cecilia- argent already knows shes the villain so that doesnt apply lmao. she'd get into an argument with argent, but over what im not sure. in any case, neither of them like backing down or admitting theyre wrong, so apologizing isnt exactly ceci's go to option for making up. she'd more likely go for the asian mom route and get her some snacks instead. use it as an opportunity to talk about what happened, and if she really thought she was in the wrong, apologize. if not, shed likely ask to mutually drop the topic, agree to disagree basically. it depends on what argent does after that, but even if she doesnt want to drop it i think ceci would be more for civilized conversation by that point

31. What little thing do they find incredibly (though harmlessly) annoying about their partner?

Cyrus- i have a personal hc that a lot of the rooms in daniels apartment are actually rather haphazardly arranged at best(yes this stems from the scene where chen complains about herald not doing the dishes). cyrus doesnt mind a mess, but he does mind it when the other person is an artist who happens to paint from time to time. hes probably ruined a lot of good clothes wandering around the rooms and accidentally stepping on/tripping over paint. it has been cause for many a complaint, but hes tolerating it because he likes watching daniel paint

[nervousdreamtragedy]

Hiii im back to post stupid things

So i was awake at maniatic hours like usual after drinking to many energy drinks and I was thinking about my mom she raised me along with my sister most of my childhood yet I find it quite funny that for her she always says my childhood was her most horrible time since I was a heavy crier according to her yet that’s the thing nobody else says that in fact most people refer to me as a mature child even as a baby and infant

Like I asked my sister and my dad even my aunt who took care of me a lot and they all agreed that just like how I act now when I was young I was silent and rarely even screamed no matter what was happening so I asked my mom who claimed that while yes I was a silent kid when I did cry it was insufferable since I wouldn’t shut up and she even joked about having more than once screaming at me bcs of the cries

I am not an emotional person hell it takes quite a lot to make me even give a reaction and I was always told it was just me being weird yet when I asked my parents they claimed that for them it was good as my sister was difficult thanks to being quite emotional according to them atleast

My sister no longer lives with us just to be clear she moved out as soon as she could so my only way of communicating with her is message and sometimes calls sp I asked her if she remembered how they acted and she told me that as far as she remembers they often mentioned that she was so annoying as an infant and toddler and how I was much nicer to take care of

I started laughing because well I have been told im very well behaved by adults teachers who claimed I was the a great student since I enjoyed trapping myself in studying for weeks and I disliked going out and sure I know its a compliment to my behavior and maturity yet I don’t like that while being well behaved and calm did win me a lot of adult respect I feel sad looking back to my little self who was pretty much raised by the internet because they will never hace the fun they wanted let me be clear sure I didn’t like cartoons and don’t even to this day but that should have been my own choice to make as a kid not a rule that I had to folloe

A kid or a toddler doesn’t need to be mature a kid needs to have fun and be free sure they still need rules but not adult ones yes kids screaming and running around are annoying but im pretty sure its not that horrible to deal with them for sometime and look I get that in moments like restaurant dinner its annoying to have a kid screaming or crying their lungs out behind you and if you are paying a lot of money its even worse and yeah you have a right to be angry but you need to remember that you also were once a child and probably did the same or perhaps even worse

Look I get child free spaces like restaurants and events they are necessary sometimes but things like grocery shopping don’t need to be child free like I get spaces where you are paying to be but grocery is a public space and a mostly free one at that im pretty sure you as an adult can suck it up dealing with a loud kid for the hour or two you spend shopping

No kids don’t need to be mature they don’t need to be aware of social adult etiquette because they aren’t adult they are kids who want to have fun who are developing their skills and abilities they shouldn’t worry about what they wear outside and only wonder what clothes are more comfortable to them and what hames they can play with their friends

I was not allowed to play outside and as such the internet raised me I grew watching gore and weird stuff which while sure I look at it back with rose tinted glasses of nostalgia that doesn’t take away from the fact that I never got the same space to be a kid outside and to this day I don’t understand most of my friends child references and get confused over basic kid moments that I never got because I was told it was too childish for me

Please let kids be kids let them discover what they like and dislike if they enjoy being more mature then sure aid them but still support when they act childish like kids have everyday less spaces to act like kids and social media has not helped at all wth that try to have moments with your kids if they like to stay inside maybe play a board game or play their video-games with them let them be kids and be just as free as kid should be before going into the sad real world

[dearerinlovehan]

dear Erin, tell Loky

loky,

I am incredibly proud of your character development, the person you have become and the husband(soon to be) and father you are. I am so happy (and a little jealous) that you are being the person that we needed when we were kids to Raiden. I hope that because of this he will have the tools to figure out who he is in every stage of his life because you have created the safe environment to do so. I'm sorry for being so far away. Once you told me I was selfish for leaving, and I suppose it is from some views but being selfish sometimes is okay.

I'm sorry im not there for you and Paige and Raiden. I really do tell everyone I talk to about my nephew and how you say he is going to be in the NBA. I'm proud of your family.

One time when I visited, Paige mentioned that you talk about me to him. That he knows about his aunty han. You guys probably didn't notice, but that made me tear up a little. I didn't realise that I was that important to talk about to Raiden. please don't stop telling him stories. I hope that you will talk to my friends and be able to hear new stories about me once im gone. Please don't just tell him how cool and awesome and beautiful I was though. I've made a lot of mistakes, none that I would change though.

I know that you're going to feel a range of emotions for the choice I made to leave. I already know what you're going to say and yes, im stupid for doing this, im an asshole for it, that you are there for me no matter what and why didn't I just come to you. if it makes you feel better (I know it won't) but I completely agree with you. My decision is not your failure. you did not fail me.

always with you,

Han

[dex-starr]

Swear to fucking god I know the justifications of my choice are like not bad but fuck dude I’m so miserable for doing what’s seemingly the right thing to do fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK.

I just am so tired of it why do I make what the “right” choices are if they just consistently fuck me over like this.

FUCK. IM SO MAD AT MYSELF

Literally I’m my worst enemy because I try not to take too much but I’m always told in some way or another by the universe that I’m asking for too much.

Patience from someone that loves me? Too big of an ask dude sorry nobody is going to have patience for as long as you need despite what’s told to you?

Patience and understanding for knowing something is wrong with you and there’s a lot you haven’t said because you don’t know how to say it without it looking bad or facing a judgement for it without you explaining things? Sorry dude we’re just going to pry into it further and make a fucking judgement even though it’s not anyone’s situation to fucking tell yet. Like it’s so fucked up bc the only times I pry into shit is if I think you’ve decided to not tell me something bc you think I did something wrong and are withholding from me. You know why? You know why I was so annoying about it? Because it was literally a remnant from an abusive relationship where that shit was common place. I always had to be the one begging to be told things and begging on what I did “wrong” even if it was just something small like not wanting to watch a TV show at the time bc I was busy. I literally adapted my whole schedule and life to them, just for a modicum of attention.

I was scared I was repeating the same patterns with you sometimes because of those outbursts but you know how I snapped myself of that thought process?

I gave myself to you willingly because I wanted to be with you, not because I needed someone. I fucking don’t I fucking don’t I fucking don’t leave me alone

I fucking hate that you’re the exception to the rule for me

Ugh I’m just ranting at this point but god I don’t have a target for this anger, frustration, sadness so fuck it I just need to let it out. I spent an entire year bottling it up and moping over you quietly. Only to come back and realize just how you could actually be and become sad at that idea bc I expected more from someone who said what you said to me

And not even saying that you had to be perfect at whatever, be as flawed as you are because that’s the person I cared about not some fucking perfected image. Not some saint or angel, even though I considered you that. I knew you were a hurt person just like me and I admired that you kept going. I admired you, probably sounds fucking dumb to you. But I did. In the ways that I approach the world you were able to see positives in somethings I couldn’t and negatives too. I never not once wanted to not pick your brain on things. You thought just bc I went to school and shit that I thought you were dumb and didn’t think highly of you?

Fucking bullshit dude I just blab a lot bc of this stupid ass adhd. Like I’m fucking blabbing now ahhhh

[hdhdkekjfjcnskjcncndmnf]

im seriously so damn mad

and for what??? like seriously why am i so mad

jeez i hate how i am sometimes

i mean yeah i get it it can be frustrating at times but why cant i do anything right

genuinely

calling it now, at some point people will leave me just because of my humor and because i just dont know how to control them

i wish therapy wouldve been helping with that but it aint i guess!! im not going to live with this

and im not going to live with the people i live now pushing religion onto me at all

no i dont follow your religion what are you going to do about it

oh youre mad that that i dont believe what you do and i should just because this thing has been internalized so bad with me that i cant get so damn anxious without it

no hun i dont need it to whatever, i can tell whats right and wrong without it being a religious belief because common sense its a thing actually

i have the choice to believe or not after all i am a singular individual, as you said it yourself and i should do what is better for me

im chosing myself instead of being this, weird ass image you made of me

im no girl either. im no woman either. i am my own person that you cant change, you say its for the better, i say i want to be myself

let me be who i am, with my beliefs, with my privacy, with my body without being shamed of it, with my shit emotions that i never grew out of because i had to stop making myself feel something to make you proud, now look at me

and you make yourself like this? as if im doing everything wrong instead of what you planned for my whole life? im sorry im not a damn coward like you and your mother was. im not you. im not her. im not whatever you see me because im sure its just yourself but not the way you like it

sorry that i love to get your insecurities out easily like that, its not my fault you tell me everything as if i wouldnt be able to use it against you

everything you say just adds up to how much of an hypocrite you are did you know that? hope you do inside your guts because one day youll regret having me ill make sure of that

im done with you and im done being some kind of fun house mirror that you think you have control of

and i know you know it

and you know im close to leave this place and never talk again

i dont and wont care and you know it

im probably just being stupid rn lmao

anyway im starving ← dumbass didnt eat for 2 days or more out of frustration bc exams ough