#but people still insist on doing the 'KH is so confusing' bit about the things that half the story is ABOUT that are explained thoroughly

[accursedthing]

Tbh I kind of hate those "NOT the same person. ARE the same person" Kingdom Hearts memes, not cause there's no humor to them but because most of the explanations for these things aren't actually that difficult, it's just possession or clones or spiritual connections most of the time, which are pretty common in fantasy stories (some of them like the Nobodies are kind of a can of worms but also not hard to understand in context and ANY fantasy story with multiple installments is going to have stuff like that), and yet people who aren't familiar with the series use these images all the time to support the running idea that Kingdom Hearts is like. Impossible to follow and makes no sense. Which I, of course, don't like because at its core it's just people calling a thing I like stupid. And I WILL take it too seriously because I have the kind of autism that makes you deranged about Kingdom Hearts

[kessielrg]

[DA+KH] It Will Get Better

Summary: An experimental fic for @chibi-mushroom‘s Dragon Age AU for the Kingdom Hearts series. Exploring a HumorousHawke!Xion, sedatephobia, mild trauma, bunny children infiltration, and hope. Mild spoilers for after Act 2 of Dragon Age 2. I want to apologize now for how easily startled Xion is, it’s not intentional. ^^;

Rating: K+

Word Count: 2,978 words

If you liked this story, please reblog!

---

The estate was just too quiet. Of course, anything would seem quiet after the Qunari uprising. A few months after, and life at Kirkwall was back to its usual chaos. And yet, Xion found herself staying at home away from the business of the city. Even more so, it gave her time to think about a lot of things.

The Qun. Her mother. Her siblings. The Fifth Blight. Events and experiences that have passed but still insisted on festering in the darkest part of her mind. Was it all her fault? Did she make any good choices in the past five years?

Silence made it worse. Silence made Xion want to hide in a corner, cover her ears, and scream ‘you can’t find me’ like when she was a child. She couldn’t keep doing this. Today she’d go for a walk. Not a long one, but long enough to redirect her thoughts. At first, just getting out of the house had been the harder part. After that, she just followed her feet. Her mind was numb to her surroundings as she walked. It wasn’t until she reached the edge of Kirkwall  -to where the walls surrounding met the outside leading into the Free Marches- that she stopped.

Run.

Run as fast as you can and never turn back.

Xion shook her head. No, there were still things in Kirkwall that needed to be sorted out. She was the city’s champion, after all. She had to stay. If not for the city, then for what family she did have left. Her uncle was debatable, but Cloud? Cloud was… safe. Safer where he was than in being here with her.

But she didn’t want to stay. She wanted to get away from this draining city before it ate her up alive. No, she'd rather die than stay to help the people here. They didn’t need her. Knight-Commander Sephiroth was doing a decent job at keeping peace. Kirkwall didn’t need a champion. It did not need her. If anything, things would probably be a lot more peaceful if she just-!

The sound of a small squeak caught her attention. Blinking (and quickly wiping away a tear from the corner of her eye), Xion looked around for the source of the squeak. She looked down to give a jolt of bewilderment. There, almost at her feet, was a small blue rabbit. The blue creature looked back up at her with wide, almost completely black eyes. Despite its odd appearance (and Xion’s own questioning if it was mortal or not), it didn’t seem to be much of a foe. It just looked at her with its big eyes and wide smile. Nothing else of real note beyond that, really. When it finally decided to bound away from her, Xion jumped back in surprise.

“Wait!” she found herself saying, “Where are you going?”

The blue rabbit paused for a moment before turning back to her. It titled its head from side to side in thought. A grin came across its features again as it waved for her to follow it.

“You’re not serious.”

She was given another grin before the creature started back on its original path again. Xion could feel the hairs on her arm stand up. Something about this wasn’t right -she’d seen too much in Kirkwall for it to be anything but- and yet…

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” she mumbled to herself before finally taking the steps outside Kirkwall’s walls.

That little bunny had been very sure that Xion would follow it. It would go a certain distance before pausing, looking back at her (sometimes even jumping to make sure she knew where it was), then starting back on its trail again. Something about this little game felt surreal; like a part of her was just sleepwalking and she was actually back at home, and still in bed.

She didn’t stop following that bunny, though.

The two of them travelled further and further away from Kirkwall. The imposing walls around it fading from view as they went on. They did keep to the established roads, though, so that was worth some amount of hope to work off of. Eventually, they started to see a caravan along the roadside. Seeing it made the little bunny hop faster- Xion was still too numb in her senses to match its speed. Outside of the caravan were more of the blue bunny children; three were playing some card game where one bunny was being absolutely smug about winning, another two were trying to feed the caravan’s horse a carrot, and one other was with a human young man. It was in noticing the young man that Xion paused.

He didn’t look much older than Cloud- maybe a year younger, but not by much. His clothes made her think he was a lesser noble that ran away from home, with his cleaned black jacket, vest, and pants. Not a wrinkle to be seen. Something about him seemed faintly familiar, as if Xion had seen him around Kirkwall, but not for long periods of time. Was it the hat? It certainly was a style all its own, featuring a long white and red feather for accent. The brim was long enough in the front to hide his upper face when needed, and at the moment it was hard to tell just what kind of face he was making as the bunny child vied for his attention.

The bunny child that had been guiding Xion let out a very loud shout of “I’m ba-ack!” that nearly scared Xion out of her wits. The noise also brought about the attention of the young man. He adjusted his hat a bit before giving a wide grin.

“About time.” he replied. “Did you find Sabi or not?”

The blue bunny just let out a happy squeal before continuing to the young man’s side. Xion had started to come forward again, her feet guiding her to be within arm’s distance of the young man. The two looked each other over- the feeling that Xion had seen this young man before was even more prominent than before.

“Well, you’re not my baby sister.” the young man noted, tilting his hat up a bit to get a better look at Xion. To the bunny child, he got down to about its height before saying, “And did you forget what Sabi looked like? Our sis has brown eyes, not blue ones.”

The bunny child looked back up at him, crossing its arms and giving him a stink eye.

“You are a bit too short to notice that, huh?” the young man then mused before ruffling the top of the bunny’s head. “Don’t worry, I still got a treat for you. It’s in the back of the caravan.”

The small creature gave a sound similar to an ecstatic squeal before heading toward the aforementioned caravan. This just left the two humans to themselves -for the most part- and the silence was starting to weigh on Xion again. If it wasn’t for the sounds of the bunny kids in the card game apparently picking a fight, Xion would have backed away from this odd caravan and straight back to Kirkwall. But did she really want to make that walk back up alone?

“Are you looking for someone?” Xion finally asked, if only to distract her own thoughts. “I could help if you really needed it.”

“Nah.” the young man said with a wave of his hand. “If Junior can’t find Sabi, then Sabi doesn’t want to be found right now. She’ll show up in her own time. Always does.”

“And Sabi is…?”

“My baby sis, of course. Don’t worry- she’s human too.”

A moment of confusion hit Xion, but then it rolled over into good humor.

“Oh good,” she mused, “For a moment I thought she was a Behemoth.”

“With that tenacity of hers, it wouldn’t surprise me if she was part darkspawn.” the young man cheerily replied, tipping his hat toward her in goodwill. “But that’s younger siblings for you; get in all the trouble and think us older kids are gonna bail them out. Not that my sister needs the help, truly. But it’s nice to always be there. You know?”

“I wouldn’t know anything about that.” Xion told him with a smirk. “I was the youngest in my family.”

“Pardon if I’ve offended you, then.” the young man replied. “But you know it’s true. I’m sure your older siblings are down right jealous of how often you get away with things.”

Despite herself, Xion let out a small chuckle. “That’s what my brother would say.” she agreed. “Our father was a mage, and my brother was the only one of us siblings that wasn’t, so he didn’t get to spend much time with him.”

After saying this, Xion froze. Maker, being Kirkwall’s Champion or not, she had forgotten that there was a prejudice against mages. The young man didn’t seem to notice her bluff, or even indicated he thought of it as one, instead giving her a light laugh.

“Now I’m jealous.” he said. “Our old man left sometime after my fifth birthday. He probably never even knew my sister existed.”

Still recoiling from her mistake, and realizing that she had not been listening to him, the news gave Xion a small jolt. She fumbled over her words as she mumbled, “Must have been hard for her. Your sister, that is. There are still days when I wish I could have my father by my side.”

And the rest of my family. It’s too quiet. Too lonely. Too… too…

“Mom was sweet on her.” the young man said, taking Xion out of her thoughts for a moment. “Definitely had a solid reason why she gave her a name meaning ‘princess,’ that’s for sure.” But then a frown appeared on his face. “I think she gave her too much affection, actually. Sabrina doesn’t realize that the version of our mom she saw wasn’t the whole thing. She wouldn’t listen even if I did tell her.”

“Why can’t she see it in your mother herself?” Xion wondered, thinking back to her own father and the times he did something slightly worrying her mother didn’t approve of when she found out about it.

The young man’s expression only darkened. “Mom died when Sabrina was 11, and I was 16. How old were you when you started to question the image you had of your parents?”

Admittedly, it took her a moment to consider it.

“It was probably when my sister’s magic started to manifest,” she carefully decided. “We moved to Lothering to protect (or, I guess more accurately, hide) her. I must have been…?” That was when a realization hit her, and she looked back up at the young man in mild surprise. “I wouldn’t have been much older than Sabrina. Maybe even younger.”

“Exactly.” he affirmed. He let out a long, conflicted sigh before giving a small shake of his head. “But where have my manners gone? We’re talking about family, and we don’t even know each other’s names yet.”

The young man adjusted his hat once more, pushed up his sleeves a bit, then held his hand out to her. “The name is Brain, madam.”

For a moment, Xion just blinked. Her thoughts went on pause from this young man’s change of topic.

“Xion.” she carefully agreed. “Xion Hawke.”

“So that’s why you’re familiar.”

“Huh?”

“I’ve seen you in Kirkwall.” he explained, as simple as day. “I used to operate a pop up store in Lowtown, then moved out to the Gallows by request. Well, it wasn’t so much a request than it was to help out a little wallflower. Either way, I come around every now and again. Circuit around Orlais, Ferelden, and the Free Marches to get the word out.”

“I do recognize you, then!” Xion marveled, speaking more of a thought out loud than actually talking to him proper.

“Nice to know I’m recognizable.” Brain mused, tilting his hat toward her. For a split second, he looked like he was going to say something more, but decided against it. Instead, he gave her a soft smile. “Things have gotten a lot better for us since then. Since Mom died, anyway.”

Returning the conversation back to the original topic made Xion’s heart stop for a moment. “They have?” she carefully asked despite this.

Brain gave her a confident nod.

“Sabi won’t admit it, but they have. Months after our mother died, we were adopted by an Orlesian merchant. He and his wife had been trying to have kids for years, but never could. (And it’s particularly hard to tell for how long they’ve been trying, since they’re one of those who are not quite human, but not quite animal. For some reason the Maker decided those folks could outlive us normals for at least a solid age or two.) So now I pay my dues helping him operate the most successful business this side of Thedas. Sabi also has her own little mission to repay the old rabbit. Although I must warn you- if you ever see a pretty girl with a rabbit mask on; run.”

“Noted.” Xion agreed with a little chuckle.

Brain gave a smile of his own before joining in the laughter. The sound echoed through Xion’s heart and filling her with a relief she didn’t know she needed until now.

After awhile, Brain collected himself to gently slide a finger across the brim of his hat.

“Things will get better for you too.” he then carefully told her, jolting Xion out of her joy. Not for the first time, the sudden shock feeling more like a slap to the face. It was rather concerning that this young man had that kind of power. “It might be something small- like buying yourself something nice, or meeting someone new. Maybe it’ll happen ten years from now. Who really knows? It’s hard, but it is possible to focus on the good coming, rather than the bad that’s already happened. It won’t be easy, but you seem the type to never back down.”

“Like your sister?” Xion asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“A lot like my sister, actually.” he laughed in return. His sincere humor toward the topic was enough to send Xion in a light laughter as well. 

Not wanting the small joy to end, Xion let her laugh naturally die down before looking him over again. Brain only stopped laughing because a bunny child was biding for his attention. As he talked to them, Xion further studied the young man. You couldn’t tell it at first glance, but Brain did have a genuine worry for his little sister. He hid it well behind clever remarks and an unbridled confidence. She wondered for a moment if Cloud felt the same way about her. It didn’t cross Xion’s mind that she had been staring for too long until Brain brought his attention to her. He didn’t say anything, but he tipped his hat in goodwill.

“It’s getting late.” Brain noted, taking half a glance up at the sky before looking back at Xion. “Would you like an escort back to Kirkwall?”

Xion smirked. “It would be the smarter choice, wouldn’t it?”

Brain offered back a rather bemused chuckle. He then let out a shrill whistle. Not long after, a blue bunny child came out of the caravan and happily bounded over to them. The bunny kid nuzzled against Brain for a moment as he likewise gave them a pat on the head.

“Junior, do me a favor and take Xion back home.” he said with a smile. “It’s getting late.”

The bunny child looked up at him with a wide grin, nodded in agreement, then happily went to Xion. It happily bounded into her arms, looking up at her with an innocent gleam in its eye. A thought came over Xion- one that she spoke out loud in mild bewilderment.

“That’s… not the same one from before.”

Brain raised an eyebrow in time with tilting his hat forward a bit. “Wow, I’m impressed. How’d you guess?”

“A hunch.” Xion carefully admitted. A comment from before came back to Xion in that moment. Brain had mentioned that his adoptive caretaker was a rabbit, right? And these blue bunnies were likely from him, right? She felt a bit dumb in just now asking the question. “Didn’t you say that your adoptive parents were not able to have children of their own?”

A rather mischievous glint flickered in Brain’s eye for a moment. “That’s still correct.”

“So how’d this little fella come along?”

Brain smirked. “Their luck changed, just like yours will.”

For a moment, Xion didn’t know what to think about that. She idly looked back down at the bunny child. It looked up at her with a wide eyed curiousness that only children knew how to pull off. The raw innocence of the creature almost made her recoil. At the same time, something in her clicked.

There was still hope.

Xion hugged the bunny kid for a second before waving Brain goodbye. The walk back to Kirkwall wasn’t filled with heavy thoughts. If anything, she was almost skipping. Once she and the bunny child got back to Kirkwall’s gates, they waved good bye and Xion made the walk back to Hightown. She saw a lot of blue bunnies on the way there. Each time she saw one, she remembered what Brain told her. When Xion got home, quietly shut the door behind her, and started to make a cup of tea. She slept incredibly well that night. It felt nice.

After that day, Xion started to notice just how many blue bunnies hung around Kirkwall. Each time she would see them, she’d smile and remember Brain’s advice with clarity.

It will get better.

[fortunatelylori]

GOT: The exhausting march towards the dramatic TWIST

I think I’m going to shock people with this statement but ... out of all the season 8 episodes we’ve seen so far, episode 4 is by far my favorite. 

Now don’t get too excited by the seemingly warm tone ... what I mean by favorite is that I hated it less than episode 1 through 3, which is about as high a praise as I’m likely going to have for this debacle that is season 8. 

General impressions:

There are two reasons why I felt this episode was better than the last 3: 

1. It was more focused, with 3 clear storylines: D*ny’s war for the crown (story A), Jon’s and his family continuing to be dead inside (story B), Jaime’s return to his sister-lover (story C). This kind of focus and definite structure should be a given. However GOT decided to go all yolo on our asses this season and as we’ve already covered in my other reviews, it’s gotten to the point where I’m genuinely shocked to see an episode that doesn’t jump from plot point to plot point like an enraged orangutan on ecstasy. 

2. It was centered around this woman: 

Look at that face... Holy Shit! She’s going to give me nightmares!

Now, normally an episodes focused on D*ny would be bad news for me because I don’t particularly care for her, as half of my list of metas��can conclusively prove. 

However, since she’s the only character whose POV isn’t hidden and her scenes aren’t cut short or drained of any and all possibility of actual human emotion, she’s become the only character that I can watch without feeling frustrated, confused or on the verge of an anxiety attack. I actually like to know what the hell is happening on screen and what the character wants in any given scene. Call it a pet peeve of mine. 

Although even D*ny, as well rounded a character as she is, suffers from the Ds oscillating trend this season. Last episode, D*ny stood her ground against the NK, committed herself and her armies to the defense of the realm and saved Jon’s life. This episode, she’s back in full Mad King’s daughter mode, with a pinch of Viserys on the side. 

But that’s a quibble, honestly and you can always argue that Jorah’s death really pushed D*ny into a dark place in which the crown of Westeros and her war against Cersei becomes more important than her own humanity. 

However, what isn’t a quibble is that death seems to have become a shorthand device the Ds employ to signal D*ny’s eventual rise as Queen of the Ashes. She loses Jorah in episode 3 and by the end of episode 4, she loses both Rhaegal and Missandei as well, leaving her in a seeming cliffhanger over whether or not to put the Red Keep to the torch as revenge. 

The problem is that D*ny had been chopping at the bit to burn down King’s Landing since season 7 when she had to be talked out of doing just that TWICE. This episode Tyrion once again has to put the breaks on D*ny’s fiery fantasies. 

This scene right here is a treasure trove of Mad D*ny clues. But let’s focus on two of them. Firstly, the impetuous to burn KL is stil there: 

D*ny: We will hit her hard. We will rip her out root and stem. 

Tyrion: The objective here is to remove Cersei without destroying King’s Landing. 

That is not a happy face ...

As D*ny put’s it, they need the capital because otherwise Cersei can continue calling herself the queen of the 7 kingdoms. 

That’s D*ny’s priority, folks: the acquiring of that stupid title. 

And if she has to march her weakened army, her sick dragon/child for thousands of miles and burn thousands of innocent people to get that title, she’ll do it. 

Considering this set-up, why exactly did we need Missandei and Rahegal to die? One day into Tyrion’s proposed blockade and D*ny would be roasting giant marshmallows in the Red Keep gardens. 

In my opinion,  the reasons for killing Rhaegal and Missandei are not tied to the dark!dany arc at all. Instead, Rhaegal gets killed because they want to make the D*ny/Cersei conflict as even as possible so they’re eliminating one of D*ny’s weapons of mass destruction. 

And Missandei ... poor Missandei gets killed in order to shock the audience. There is absolutely no reason to kill her in this way ... If she was to die, the time for that would have been in episode 3. They have to actually push the suspension of disbelief in order to convince the audience that somehow Euron got a hold of this girl from an armada of wrecked ships, instantly knew how important she was, dragged her back to the Red Keep and then brought her up on that wall expecting .... what??! 

Euron and Cersei are far too smart to believe D*ny will give up her war for Missandei so why kill her so publicly? To intimidate D*ny? They didn’t need Missandei for that. They could have just as well beheaded all of the hostages they took from the ships. 

They kill Missandei because that’s the easiest way for the Ds to surprise the audience and for them to garner some sort of sympathy for D*ny when she eventually does end up going all Pablo Escobar on a city filled with a million people. 

The other glaring Mad D*ny moment in the scene and one that plays straight into political Jon, is this: 

Sansa: The men we have left are exhausted. Many of them are wounded. They will fight better if they have time to rest and recuperate. 

D*ny: How long do you suggest? 

Sansa: Can’t say for certain. Not without talking to the officers. 

D*ny: I came North to fight alongside you. At great cost to my armies and myself. And now that the time has come to reciprocate, you want to postpone?

Jon: The Northern forces will honor their promises and their allegiance to the queen of the 7 kingdoms. What you command, we will obey. 

I’ve seen a lot of people being angry at Jon for “taking D*ny’s side” in this conflict but in order to understand how this plays into political Jon, there are 2 things you need to keep in mind: 

The first is exactly when Sansa intervenes in the conversation. She steps in directly after both Tyrion and Jon manage to convince D*ny not to burn down King’s Landing. D*ny reluctantly agrees to the blockade because that would mean having to wait to take the crown and as she puts it: 

D*ny: The longer I leave my enemies alone, the stronger they become.  

Now Sansa wants to delay her even further. This is not acceptable to D*ny. 

In addition to that, I don’t think Sansa appreciates just how dangerous and volatile D*ny is. She doesn’t know about the men being fed to dragons, or the 163 crucified masters or how close she was to jumping on a dragon and burning down KL in the past. 

Jon, however, does understand D*ny quite well by this point. I don’t buy his speech as him agreeing with D*ny at all in this scene and considering this is the face he puts on to silence Sansa: 

I’d say this is a guy desperately trying to keep a bomb from exploding directly in the face of someone he cares very deeply about. 

Narratively, I believe this is supported by the Sansa/Tyrion scene later on when Sansa is surprised to realize that Tyrion is actually afraid of D*ny. She simply hadn’t considered that people are scared of what D*ny might do. 

As interesting as D*ny’s descent into madness is (despite Missandei’s useless death), it’s counterbalanced by the shit show that continues to be Jon Snow. 

Watching Jon’s arc this season, and by extension all the Starks, is like banging your head against a concrete wall over and over again, without making a dent. It’s pointless, exhausting and painful. 

At this point I don’t care if he’s in love with D*ny or Sansa, if he’s pol!Jon or idiot!Jon, if he wants to be king or fuck off beyond the wall. I genuinely don’t care anymore. What I do care about is being given access to Jon’s story enough to figure out what the hell he wants and what he’s doing. 

It’s one thing to keep a character’s POV hidden for an episode but we’re going on almost 2 seasons now. And Jon isn’t a secondary character like Littlefinger where you can get away with hiding the POV because he’s not as big a part of the plot as a main character is. 

But Jon is a main character and this effort to keep him enigmatic and mysterious isn’t only wreaking havoc on his arc but it’s also affecting the rest of the Stark family. Case and point: 

In case anyone is keeping score, this is actually the first and only scene all the Starks have together in 4 episodes, amounting to 5 hours of footage. 

And just look where they decide to end this scene! Right when we’re going to see Arya and Sansa react to the parentage reveal and see what they and Jon discuss next. They gave us the mere bones of this scene and left us without the meat. 

The important part of the scene, the emotional underbelly, the opportunity to see these people come together and support and embrace Jon as the Stark they still think he is, is taken away from us. Because that would chip away at the mystery surrounding Jon’s arc this season. 

I’d argue depriving Jon and the Starks of the emotional bond they share is way too steep a price to pay for what is essentially a cheap thirll that becomes cheaper and cheaper by the minute considering they’re delaying whatever reveal they’re planning on making past the point of me giving a shit!

This episode did, however, give me the perfect visual way of describing Jon’s storyline right now. Jon is basically stuck between: 

and 

and he chooses neither. 

He sends Ghost away (without patting him because having KH and the wolf in the same frame would be too costly for the overly expensive GOT) and refuses to ride Rhaegal because ... reasons. 

So instead of seeing him choose between being a direwolf and a dragon, we’re seeing him do nothing, while looking overly enigmatically blank for 5 hours straight. I just .... I’m sooooo tired of this. Can this be over now?

PS: I’d discuss Jaime’s storyline this episode but I don’t want to say: I told you so ... Well ... ok, if you insist:

a little sour milk dribble on Tormund’s beard and a silly giant story isn’t going to make me forget that Jaime has arrived in Winterfell on the coat tails of a 20+ year toxic relationship with a woman who is not only his twin sister but is also currently pregnant with his baby.

Also:

Jaime: She (Cersei) has always been good at using the truth to tell lies. Don’t be too hard on yourself. She’s fooled me more than anybody.

Tyrion: She never fooled you. You always knew exactly what she was. And you loved her anyway.

Yeah …  Imagine entering a relationship with a guy exiting THAT. Dealing with sour milk beard is mild by comparison.

(source)

Favorite scenes

The “If you love me, you’ll erase yourself” scene: 

There is something so deeply disturbing about this scene that I can’t help but be fascinated by it. The J0nereys relationship has always been toxic and this scene right here encapsulates just why: 

In order to be with D*ny, Jon needs to give up everything that makes him who he is. In season 7, he was forced to bend the knee and suffer the ire of the entire North for it. Now D*ny is asking him not only to give up his claim but also lie about who he is and separate himself from his family in order to make sure that D*ny gets to be queen. 

No one, not one person in this world, no matter how beautiful, rich, good in bed or seemingly in love with you, is worth you giving up who you are and removing yourself from your family (provided said family is not toxic, of course). And anyone that would ask you to do that, should be dumped on their asses pronto.

Jon can’t do that, unfortunately. Because he’s brought D*ny here to fight “his war” and pretended to be in love with her. And also because D*ny simply isn’t rational anymore. So he’s stuck apologizing for people liking him (just think about that!) and having to put up with her saying things like: 

D*ny: It doesn’t matter what you want! You didn’t want to be king in the North! What happens when they demand you press your claim and TAKE WHAT IS MINE? 

Except the crown isn’t D*ny’s. It never was. Logistically speaking, the crown belongs to Cersei right now. Legitimately, the crown is Jon’s. It’s D*ny that is actually taking what is his, not the other way around. Imagine making someone apologize for you doing that to them. That’s all kinds of messed up. 

Speaking of which: 

Jon: You are my queen! I don’t know what else I can say!

D*ny: You can say nothing! To anyone! Ever! Never tell them who you really are. Swear your brother and Samwell Tarly to secrecy and tell no one else!

You know what she sounds like? Like Tangled’s Mother Gothel convincing Rapunzel that she’s better off being her prisoner. 

Yikes! She’s genuinely terrifying!

Also: 

D*ny: Sansa will want to see me gone and you on the Iron Throne. 

Jon: She won’t. 

D*ny: She’s not the girl you grew up with. Not after what she’s seen. Not after what they’ve done to her. 

2 things: 

1. I hope every D*ny stan in the universe either denounces D*ny for victim blaming or closes their mouths about feminism, misogyny and pitting women against women for the rest of time. If you support this woman and consider her a positive role model, you are not allowed to discuss these subjects in public ever again. 

2. Can you really blame Jon for taking D*ny’s side against Sansa in the council meeting? He already knows just what D*ny thinks of Sansa and what she’d like to do to her if she is given the opportunity. Hurting Sansa’s feelings is preferable to her losing her life. 

The “This better not be unrequited love, Ds!” scene: 

This face right here ... this face: 

It’s heartbreaking. And what really angers me about this scene is that it could have been all the more meaningful had the parentage reveal been played in full. Actually seeing Sansa reacting, hearing Jon’s fears or his anguish, would make her fighting for his crown when he refuses to do so even more powerful and romantically charged. 

Still, this scene comes in direct contrast to the Jon/D*ny scene. While D*ny wants to force Jon to live a lie for the rest of his life, to humble himself and make himself small so she can have all the power and the love of the people, Sansa not only shoots down the possibility of her being the only one in charge of the North and holding steadfast to the idea that Jon will stay in Winterfell. She goes as far as tell Tyrion Jon is the rightful heir when she realizes that despite his supposed loyalty to D*ny, Tyrion is actually afraid of her. 

She sees an opening to ensure Jon’s freedom and she takes it without hesitation. 

If, at the end of all of this, Jon ends up going beyond the wall instead of staying with a woman who loves and values him this much, then Westeros truly is a cruel and horrible place and I’ll be sorry I invested so many years of my life to it.

Episode MVPs

Euron “Best General in fucking Westeros” Greyjoy: 

Euron gets to be MVP this episode because in one fell swoop he destroyed D*ny’s fleet and brought down one of her dragons. What can I say ... Competency really turns me on. 

Too bad Cersei doesn’t love him. If these two actually cared about each other, they could be the McBeths of Westeros. Nothing could stand in their way!

Lord “What an Icon!” Varys: 

What can one say about this glorious man? He is MVP for the second time in 4 reviews and somehow I think he’s not done yet. 

Varys and Tyrion got down to some realpolitick this episode. But Varys had some truly outstanding lines, like: 

Varys: How many others know? 

Tyrion: Including us? Eight. 

Varys: Well, then it’s not a secret anymore. It’s information. If a handful of people know now, hundreds will know soon. 

It’s so rare to find a man that understands gossip so well!

Varys: I’ve served tyrants all my life. They all talk about destiny. 

As a person born under a communist regime, I concur, Varys. 

And my personal favorite:  

Varys: You know where my loyalty stands. You know I will never betray the realm. 

Tyrion: What is the realm? A vast continent, home to millions of people, most of whom don’t care who sits on the Iron Throne. 

Varys: Millions of people, many of whom will die if the wrong person sits on that throne. We don’t know their names but they’re just as real as you and I. They deserve to live. They deserve food for their children. I will act in their interests, no matter the personal cost. 

If this show doesn’t end with a 7 foot, cockless statue of Varys presiding over the whole of Westeros as the ICON that he is, what was even the point?!?!?

[a-certain-academy-city]

Toaru Kagaku no Academy City: Operation Handcuffs - Retrospection

In the end, things had always been this way, weren’t they?

From the moment Accelerator took the position of Board Chairman, he made declaration of war to the Dark Side of Academy City. And it was from that point on that he used the resources he had at his disposal to ensure that the city’s darkness was completely purged.

He had even went as far as reassembling GROUP with a few new faces to help with the clean up operation. He used Espers like  Musujime Awaki, Mugino Shizuri, and even level 0s like Hamazura Shiage.  If they were still here, he probably would have ended up using Kamijou Touma and Misaka Mikoto as well in some way.

But then the Cosmic Side came knocking in the doors of the City he was trying to reform, interrupting his effort he could name a number of events that would give him reason to start a war with the Cosmic Side; it could have been when Zayane of the Right was tampering around with Academy City’s espers, particularly level 5s like himself. It could have been when Gaelion started his campaign which actually destroyed Academy City. It could have been when that Vacosian refugee group had decided to turn the planet into a super weapon and had manipulated the Aura users into causing havoc. Or it could have been way back when the Machine  Empress and other beings invaded from Lawain, before Accelerator was even the Board chairman.

Anyone of these incidents would have made the perfect trigger, but he believed it all hit him during the Gaelion warpath,

He became aware of just how chaotic and unpredictable the Cosmic Side was and had decided to make preparations for a possible conflict with them, on top of dealing with the remnants of the Dark side who weren’t intent on going quietly.

He figured that all of these threats would be better off gone, which was why he used everything, from his positions as the leader of the science side and Academy City’s #1 to dispose of his opposition.

But when he thought about it, Accelerator had not changed a single bit. He still used bloody methods to solve problems, made espers and others be his underlings in his plans, and had even gone out and dealt with several issues himself.

Even at some point, he had became obsessed with crushing the Cosmic side, up to the point where he almost lost himself.

In the end, he was no different than he was a year ago, and now, he was becoming no better than Aleister himself when he was still around.

He had came to this realization when he had gone out and took out a certain depraved wizard.

Accelerator knew that guy would not be missed. No one would shed a tear for him, and many would praise his end. Even his own subordinates resented him which said enough. That guy needed to disappear for good.

But the fact remained that Accelerator still chose a brutal method to resolve the incident.

And he used people, even his own girlfriend to assure his end. Thinking about it more made Accelerator sick at how much he was becoming Aleister. He used people like pieces in a chess game and when he deemed that said chess pieces would be unable to handle it, Accelerator went out and crushed  the problem himself.

Like a monster.

“You must have known what this meant from the beginning, Yomikawa. Idealism is powerless against reality, so if you try to force your ideals onto reality, there is bound to be a fierce backlash.”

Accelerator spoke to someone on his smartphone.

It was a person whom he had little time to visit since his ascendancy to his current position, but still kept in contact with for official matters.

In a way, this matter was both official and private at the same time. Accelerator was alone in the dark windowless room that was his office, with only the dim light of his holographic monitor lighting the room. It was late at night too, so not many people were around.

“The people who are more comfortable in the corrupt darkness were bound to attack there first. If they can’t make any headway through official channels or backchannels, they only have one option left: take someone I care about hostage and use that to negotiate.” 

Accelerator wanted to end the cycle of violence and darkness perpetuated in this city. there was no other reason why the white monster had called Anti-Skill Officer Yomikawa Aiho  in the first place.

Yes.

“Send me to the prosecutors and have me indicted.”

“Kh.”

“Why do you think I’m doing this? This is your job, Yomikawa. You’re the only one I know who can handle the rest of this.”

He spoke as if declaring a matter of fact. It was obvious what Accelerator was trying to do, but the Anti-Skill officer was still having trouble believing it.

The stage was not yet set.

No one was in agreement, so there was bound to be backlash once the confusion set in.

“I will rid Academy City of its dark side and I can’t leave any exceptions. I asked you to write up a charge sheet, didn’t I? I’ve killed more than 10,000 living humans, even if they were clones. And after that, I irresponsibly stayed in the dark side and fired guns all throughout this peaceful city while claiming to be helping. Someone like that can never be allowed out on the streets again. I must be placed behind bars no matter who tries to stop it.”

“The Board Chairman has complete control over Academy City. The 12 Directors below you are only for show. And whatever we might like to think, the rules never say the Chairman has to be a good person. I’ve never heard of someone that powerful just turning themselves in.”

“So what? That just means the system has always been broken. …Don’t make me laugh. If the rules differ from what everyone wants, then you’ve clearly found yourself a problem in the rules needing fixing.”

Who had been at fault? The answer was obviously Accelerator.

A Kihara had developed his powers and old Board Chairman Aleister had guided that monster down the path of murder for his own purposes, but it was still Accelerator who had actually done it.

But the #1 had been involved in far too much of the darkness.

How many people’s hands would be cuffed from this one boy’s testimony?

Of course people would be coming out of the woodwork to prevent this from happening.

Not because they were his good friends; because they had to protect their own future.

“You will never again leave prison.”

“I am aware of that.”

“Even if your sentence is reduced for cooperation with our investigations!! It just isn’t enough. The computer has already run some preliminary calculations. At this rate, your sentence will be for 11,000 years!!”

“Way too short. Around a year per murder? What kind of joke is that?”

“Why?” Yomikawa muttered under her breath.

The #1 did not look away.

“Didn’t I tell you? I can’t leave any exceptions. I’m the #1 and the Board Chairman, so I have to lead by example.”

Yomikawa Aiho was supposed to be a protector of the law.

But when she handcuffed an esper run amok, it was so they could be rehabilitated and have a second chance. That was why she would never aim a gun at a child. No matter how dangerous an esper they were, she had to create a situation where she could hear them out.

However, Accelerator would have no future.

This might be the right thing to do, but then who would save him?

“What about the clones?” she asked. “Once this is all investigated, their existence will come to light. That’s around 10,000 people who violate international treaties. Society might not accept them.”

Did clones have human rights or not?

Academy City had once answered no and repeated cruel experiments using them. And Accelerator was the one who had dirtied his hands there at the insistence of the researchers. They were undoubtedly the victims there, but the people in the outside world might not see it the same way.

If they too answered no and even saw the clones as a threat, they could be “disposed of”.

However…

“That’s why I have to make sure they’re safe.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you think they’re safe now? If they’re discovered, then that’s the end for them. How is that safe? I need to correct that unnatural balance and make sure they have solid footing to stand on. They were victims in all this, so why do they have to continue keeping their heads down and hiding? Unlike me, they deserve a free life out in the open.”

Accelerator had only one hope of accomplishing that.

The white monster pointed his thumb back at his own chest.

“I’ll be the villain.”

That was the natural result.

In fact, it was unnatural for it to have not happened yet.

“I’ll gather all the attention of the media and the scientific society and accept all of the criticism myself. I’m the ridiculous genius, I’ve got all the political power now, and I’ve even got money too. That’s exactly the kind of asshole people will just love to see go down in flames. All the news will be focused on me and they’ve only got so much space for info in their articles. They’ll aim for impact and focus on the guy who went around murdering clones instead of the clones themselves. And who cares about the people spreading rumors? A lot of time will have passed before the media is sick of attacking me. And then it’ll be like a flat soda. Focusing on the clones after that won’t move the masses to action. People jump on these bandwagons because they’re bored with their own lives. These are the people who find themselves bored even with all the excitement out there to find, so they’re experts at living boring lives. Once they grow tired of a topic, their interest in it is forever dead.”

“...She won’t be happy when she hears this. Both of them.”

“I know.“

That was why he could not cheat the system.

He could not use his special authority as Board Chairman to pardon himself after being found guilty and he could not live behind bars but emerge as a heroic Board Chairman whenever there was a problem needing solving.

There could be no exceptions.

The person most deserving of punishment had to be appropriately punished and that had to be shown off to both Academy City and the rest of the world.

They had to show that true justice existed here.

They had to show that they had moved past the absurd age where the evil laughed and the good were left in tears.

Otherwise, nothing would change.

So he made a definitive statement that rang throughout the walls of that dark office.

“It all starts here,”

whispered Accelerator. It may not have been obvious without paying close attention, but the #1 and new Board Chairman was clenching his back teeth.

“This is also an issue of how much I can trust Academy City. If I get worried, can’t bear it anymore, and break through that wall to go save that brat, then it’s all over. That would create an exception and those shitheads from the dark side could have their way. So I have to trust that the giant system of Academy City will save that brat without me creating an exception.”

He was indeed a monster, so there was a violent part of him that would wild inside him. It told him the rules did not matter and he should break loose right this instant. Villains would always betray you in the end. Some eloquent speech about being reformed was not even worth listening to. He needed to pin them down, crush them, tear them apart, and grasp safety for himself. Even the greatest villain could not betray you if they were a corpse. And what other choice did he have if he was going to protect that young life? What could make a more beautiful story than dirtying his hands to allow someone he cared for to live their life out in the open?

But.

Even so.

“I will trust it.”

said Academy City’s #1 and new Board Chairman. That incarnation of slaughter turned fearsome dictator spoke the words like he was suppressing bubbling magma within himself.

“I will trust this city. I will trust that it is worth throwing out the rest of my life to protect. If I can’t trust the city I rule, then I don’t deserve to rule it in the first place.”

Someone had once told him that he had changed.

But it was this monster who had said they were one of the ones who had changed him.

Which was why this monster had retaken a human form and could continue to fight like this.

Even if it meant clenching his teeth and bearing with it all alone.

[blade-of-light]

@amxlgam @briilliance

[So I got around to watching the movie, and I got a ton of ideas, but there was this one really funny one that I realized would never actually work in an ongoing thread. But it was too funny for me not to write out. Originally for Mon, then realized it could actually work with any Steven, so was just like “fuck it, just make a movie/kh AU”.]

“So what world are you guys from?”

Sora, Donald, and Goofy stared at him in silence. “What… ‘world’?”

“Yeah. I mean,” Steven shrugged with a slightly amused smile. “It’s pretty obvious you’re not from earth.”

“What?! How-?” Sora looked to Donald in worry, but the Duck could only shrug in bafflement. “But, we’re totally from here!” Sora insisted, and his friend gave a “Yeah!” in agreement. “What makes you think we’re not?”

Both Steven and Connie’s brows raised at the argument, and they glanced at each other before looking back at the newcomers. They could go for the really obvious reasons, but- “Well for one thing,” Steven pointed to the large, colorful, swirling, star keyblade in his hand. “No one on earth would have a weapon like that.”

Sora examined his keyblade, rubbing his other hand through his hair. “O-oh, that obvious, huh? Well, uh, we’re from...”

Donald was shaking his head, waving his wings back and forth to signal him not to say anything, but Sora was finding himself drawing a blank on a good cover story.

“We’yer from Homeworld!” Goofy declared proudly.

“Oh yeah!” Sora grinned, remembering the settlement they had just visited. “We’re from Homeworld! We’re with those guys from Homeworld 2.0!”

This time, Steven and Connie’s eyes went wide too. But this time when they looked at each other, Connie snorted, and had to cover her mouth to try to stifle her giggles. Although her grin and shaking shoulders was still a bit of a giveaway. Steven snorted too, but he managed to keep his giggles in check. For now.

“Soooo, you’re from Homeworld, huh?” He asked instead, crossing his arms with a grin that was a little too smug. “What’re your names?”

Sora cocked his head with a raised brow. “We already told you: it’s Sora, Donald, and Goofy.”

“Really?” He rubbed at his chin, pretending like he was mulling it over. “But those don’t sound like Gem names...”

“Gem… names?”

“Sora!” Goofy whispered from behind his hand. “I think he’s talkin’ about those guys at the settlement!”

“Oh yeah!” He whispered back. “They did have kinda funny names, didn’t they?” He didn’t muse for long, though, straightening up. “Well, that’s cuz we’re in disguise!” He ‘explained’. “You know, gotta blend in with the locals and all! H-had you going, didn’t I?” He finger-gunned, and laughed a little nervously. “Our real names are… um...” He looked quickly between Donald and Goofy in a silent plea for help. What on earth was supposed to be a “Gem name”?

And then it hit him. Of course! Gems!

“I’m Blazing!” He declared. He gestured to Donald and Goofy in turn. “And that’s Blizzard, and that’s Lightning!”

Steven and Connie spluttered, and this time Connie had to bite her knuckles to keep from laughing out loud.

“Sora,” Goofy whispered again. “I don’t think that’s the kind of “gems” they’re talkin’ about.”

“Well they’re the only kind of “gems” I could think of!” He hissed back.

“So where’re your gems?” Steven asked.

“In here,” Sora pat one of his lower pants pockets without thinking.

This time Steven cracked, and he couldn’t get his snickering back under control, so Connie cleared her throat and managed to continue. “Well, Blazing, I’m really impressed that you managed to “blend in””- she airquoted and everything, “with the locals so well! But, why’d you decide to be boys?”

The trio stared at them blankly for a second time. “Why did we… “decide”?”

“Yeah! I mean,” she pretended to go into thought. “I thought all gems were girls.”

This time, it was the trio’s turn to get wide-eyed. They all had to think back, going through the brief encounters they’d had with all the “Gems” back at Homeworld 2.0. Now that they thought of it, they had noticed their were a lot of girls around. But they didn’t think that meant there weren’t any guys!

And then Sora remembered one particular encounter.

“Hey wait!” He protested, pointing to Steven. “You’re a boy!”

“Yes,” he said easily. “But I’m an exception.”

“Why do you get to be an exception? Maybe we’re exceptions too.”

“That’s not how it works.”

“He,” Connie countered. “Is half human. His mother was a Gem, and his father was a human, thus, he’s a boy. But you’re from Homeworld, so that’s not possible for you.”

Ah dang, she had a point. Thankfully, however, they had encountered something like this before, and Sora was able to make a quick cover.

“We… well, it’s easier to fool people!” He said quickly. “We had to go to this war camp, but they don’t allow girls. So we had to disguise ourselves as boys. So we just stuck with it.”

“They weren’t… allowed?” Connie clarified, though one brow was raised, slightly squinting in something akin to disgust.

“From what,” Steven whispered to her. “70 years ago?”

“Maybe they are Gems,” Connie whispered back slightly sarcastically. “No one nowadays would use an excuse like that.”

“Ok guys,” Steven straightened up, one hand on his hip and the other on his chin as he pretended to think it over again. “I’m almost convinced, but we have to be 100% sure...” he drawled, and then shrugged, with the slyest grin he could muster. “So go ahead and fuse.”

“Fuse?”

“Yeah. You know.” he shrugged easily, though Connie was grinning eagerly beside him. “Fuse. Combine your powers turn into one person. All Gems do it.”

“Oh!” Sora brightened instantly. “That’s easy! Ready guys?”

“Ready!”

The two earthlings blinked, a little surprised at how quickly the three were on board with this, but when Donald and Goofy looked at each other, they seemed to have second thoughts.

“Wait, Sora-”

“GIVE ME STRENGTH!”

His voice echoed through the trees, stirring a sense of awe and power from the invocation. But besides his power pose, nothing changed, and Sora peeked open one eye, and then the other, as he looked down at himself, and then his friends in confusion. “Wait, why didn’t it work? I’m at full power.”

“So- I-I mean, Blazing!” Goofy pointed out. “You’re not wearing the outfit the good fairies gave you any more.”

“Oh!” He looked back down at his black, and red plaid outfit, patting it with his free hand. “Right, I forgot.” He looked at the pair, embarrassed. “Sorry. I need to be wearing my other pants.”

Steven and Connie’s stunned faces seemed frozen in time for a minute, before they turned to each other. But this time, when they made eye contact, they cracked, and burst into laughter.

“Hey!” Steven called out. “Hey, Connie, wanna fuse? Oh wait!” He clapped his hand to his cheek. “Hold on, I have to change into my other pants!”

“Oh!” She picked up after he tumbled back into laughter. “Is that where you left your Gem!?”

The two became hysterical, clutching their guts and clapping their knees as the newcomers looked on.

“Ya know,” Goofy mused. “I don’t think they believe us.”

Donald just hung his head with a long suffering quack.

It took a moment for the teens to compose themselves. Steven came up first, wiping at his eyes and taking a deep breath to get his air back.

“Hoo! Oh boy.” He was still smiling at the newcomers. “Look, if you don’t want to tell us, that’s fine, but just be honest about it. We’re all trying to be friends here, aren’t we?”

Sora looked back to Donald. The Duck’s brow was pinched, in the conundrum of following the “rules”, and in a spot where the “rules” didn’t seem to apply. Sora just sighed as he looked back to them.

“It’s not that we don’t want to,” he finally confessed. “It’s just that we can’t.”

Donald finally spoke up, almost in an imploring manner. “People aren’t supposed to know about other worlds.”

Connie shrugged, smiling with understanding. “Well, most people on earth still don’t know about other worlds.”

“But you don’t have to worry about that here,” Steven assured, arms out in invitation. “Everyone in Beach city knows all about the Gems. Hearing about another world won’t phase anyone.”

The intergalactic travelers looked between each other in some silent signal for confirmation, before finally nodding with a smile.

“Alright then,” Sora finally agreed. “Let’s jut focus on getting these Heartless out of here.”

“Now that’s something I can get behind,” Steven agreed.

“But tell the truth,” Sora put his hands on his hips. “You knew from the beginning, didn’t you?”

“Oh yeah,” he said smugly without missing a beat. “It was pretty obvious.”

“But this way was way more fun,” Connie added, equally sly. “I look forward to working with you, Blazing.”

Sora blinked, Donald and Goofy snickering behind their wings and hands respectively. He huffed, crossing his arms with an embarrassed flush.

[miximax-hell]

I always tell my friends that they’re capable of anything they put their mind into. But, personally, I should know my limits and act accordingly. And considering how INCREDIBLY long it took me to finish this piece for such a poor result (despite the fact that I was just trying to replicate official art, so I had all the help in the world), well, I would say this was my limit. But, hey, you’ll never know until you try, and all practice is good practice.

That aside, hello! For today’s post, I decided to revisit the concept I started this blog with and work on a bigger illustration. It’s probably my least popular kind of post, but trying to mimic KH’s artstyle is kind of a blast regardless of the result or the struggle.

With Max’s and Kageno’s out of the way, it was about time I worked on Handa’s, since, you know, he’s my favourite character and all. I can be biased here, right?

So, it might be a good time to talk about HanRoku’s reasons to be.

Well, well, well. This is coming at the beginning of April when my last post was on January, and even that was just to celebrate the fact that, somehow, over a hundred people have decided to follow this blog. I’m not even going to pretend I’m way too busy to work on stuff--it’s just been a fantastic combination of things that made me want to... stop. I hit a big wall where the ideas I had were being a tad too difficult to pull off in a satisfying way (I swear to God, Kidou, your hair is impossible to work with), and I was either not in the mood to do anything or more focused on other and, at the time, more fun endeavours. I was super passionate about my graduation thesis, for example--and that went rather well, thankfully.

But, boy, I loved Kingdom Hearts 3. No bad mood or task was going to keep me from sinking hours into that game somewhat regularly. Playing it filled me with immense joy, and seeing Roxas again after so long brought me to tears. It made me think a lot about finally finishing (or trying to finish) this big piece... and it caught me very rusty, which led to hours, hours, hours, HOURS of work for what I have already described as a disappointing result. I mean, it’s not the worst I have ever drawn, but... well. It could definitely be much better, and I’m rather tempted to rework it in the future. I hadn’t touched my tablet in ages and it shows. Nor my pencils. Just my brushes, but that was just to paint doggos and Life Is Strange-inspired landscapes.

And the best part is that the illustration ISN’T EVEN COMPLETE because the rest would actually be a spoiler for a fic of mine called Zero. If you check the official art I linked above, you’ll see that what my illustration shows as a black area is actually filled by a completely separate illustration. I know what I want there, but, as I said, it’d spoil the story, so, yeah. Talk about a work in progress. I hope I can finish it all one day...

Anyway, enough pointless ranting! Thanks for putting up with me. To reward someone who has made it this far without getting tired of me, I’m giving away a Steam copy of Batman: Arkham Origins, along with all of its DLC. If you want it, please shoot me a non-anonymous message~ There is absolutely no need to follow me nor reblog/like this post, although it’d obviously be greatly appreciated. The first to ask for it will get it. And, please, don’t follow me for future giveaways--I doubt there will be any. Now, let’s talk about HanRoku. That’s what you clicked on that "read more" button for.

The beginnings of HanRoku are ancient at this point. We’re talking 2012 or 2013, and that’s INSANE. For how long have I been struggling with this project?! Goodness gracious. Anyway, at the time, Chrono Stone was hitting all of the right notes for me. Time travel? Check. People that transform to become more powerful? Check. Fusions, because I've watched too much DBZ for me to not love that? Check. And one day, for reasons that have been lost to time, but probably have a lot to do with the aforementioned fic, I realised something. Zero was supposed to be a story about how Roxas mingles with Someoka, Handa, Aki and mostly Endou, but then it hit me: Roxas and Handa are actually... extremely similar.

To those who have never played Kingdom Hearts, PLEASE GO PLAY KINGDOM HEARTS. And to those who couldn’t care less about what I recommend them to do, KH is a story that, under a deceiving cover full of Disney characters and confusing plot points, makes a deep and rather interesting point about what the true nature of the soul is--even if they insist on calling it “heart” instead. What is a soul? What is it for? Who, or what, has a soul--and why? Is the soul linked to the mind or to the body? Is it even possible to have a body and not have a soul? Is the soul something you’re born with or something you can/must acquire over time? What makes it grow, and what is true strength of soul? You know, for a game where you hit cute Hot Topic monsters with an oversized key, that’s pretty darn cool.

I talked more about this way back when, but I’ll give you a brief summary of the main reason why Handa and Roxas are such a perfect match: they are both people looking for their place in a world that actively acts against their very existence. They have no purpose and are simply tools for other people to shine and/or achieve their goals. That is obviously not a good, fulfilling life.

But, well, after all these years of ruminating and thinking (and crying) about HanRoku, there has to be a bit more to it than just that, right?

Obviously (and even more obviously after Kingdom Hearts 3), Roxas is very strong. Very strong. What he lacks in existence, he makes up for in raw power. For someone like Handa, who is so overlooked due to being okay at everything but not great at anything, this is massive. Even if Roxas doesn’t make him stellar at everything, he doesn’t need to. He still gives Handa enough power to become an extremely invaluable asset in the field and a force to be reckoned with--especially early on, since Handa is the first original Raimon player to get a miximax and all. I’ll talk more about HanRoku’s powers in the future.

But the usefulness in the field is only the first part, and even that is debatable due to the post I linked to earlier and the fact that, well, he sure will be special and super strong when no one else can mixitrans, but he won’t be once the whole team can do so. I mean, let’s count: Endou, Gouenji, Someoka, Max, Kageno, Megane, Tamano... That’s 7 people, when there are only 11 players on the field at a time. Handa would only be at an advantage over 3 people. (And if you’re going to tell me that he’s still the only midfielder with a miximax, thus making him special on his own, that’s a perfectly valid point and you should congratulate yourself for having such a keen eye.)

What really shines about HanRoku, though, is how mutually symbiotic their relationship is. Even if their struggles are so similar at heart, the reasons why those struggles exist are not.

Handa’s problems come from not being good enough at anything to be really... indispensable. Sure, he can do pretty much any job at any given point and be adequate enough at it, but he’s never the first option. He has no place of his own in the team; not one thing only he is capable of doing. And that leads to all kinds of problems of self-worth and trying to find a purpose. He will leave Raimon and no one will remember he was even there.

Roxas is completely essential to Organization XIII, but he’s been reduced to a killing machine that they are trying to replace with a better and more obedient one, thus taking away from him the only reason to be he ever knew and making him question his very existence. Once Org XIII disposes of him, no one will miss him--and that’s made even worse by a certain plot point: Nobodies disappear from the memory of everyone who ever met them once they are defeated/killed.

Of course, Roxas would help Handa immensely, as stated earlier. That’s kind of the point of this whole ordeal. But here’s the catch: Handa would help Roxas too. By leaving a part of himself inside Handa (that sounds extremely wrong, but please bear with me), he knows he will never be truly forgotten no matter what happens to him, and his life will ultimately have a purpose: to help a friend in need find his own worth. But let’s not forget that Roxas has only been alive for less than a year, while Handa has been struggling with his demons for over a decade without ever giving up. Despite having the world against him (or, at the very least, definitely not on his side), Handa is still going at it, trying his best, fighting for what he believes in, dealing courageously with the fact that he’s just an ordinary boy in a world of amazing people in order to help them achieve their ultimate goals. At a time when Roxas felt like his existence was worthless, meeting Handa, a boy who challenges his own self to find an identity that may not even exist, is truly inspiring. His selflessness, his love towards his friends and his neverending efforts to be better give Roxas a reason to stand up to the norm and fight for what he believes is right: in this case, to save his few and treasured friends.

Handa and Roxas find in each other a mirror that, for the first time in their lives, shows them in a new light that gives them hope for the future. They learn from each other, complement each other, improve each other, inspire each other, share a deep bond of friendship and trust, feel stronger and braver when they are together, and make a fantastic team. A team of throwaways, a team of tools, a team made of convenient replacements that will one day become obsolete. But a team that, however, is much greater than the sum of its overlooked parts, and will achieve incredible things when they eventually figure out just how unique and special they both are.

Talking about HanRoku makes me very emotional and it’s difficult to convey my feelings about them when I’m choking on my own tears, but I hope you can all understand why I love these two so very much. And if you can’t... well, feel free to ask me any questions you may have! I’d love to find new ways to describe why these two are so precious to me.

[fluidityandgiggles]

Sleep Is For The Weak - Chapter 3

Previous Chapters: Prologue, Chapter 1, Last Chapter

Notes (I guess): This chapter was a nightmare to write but I’m just so happy I finished it. It also touches some subjects that will come up again in the future, for the sake of letting everyone process the events. I’ve experienced grief and it’s going to take a long time before this particular subject could be discussed again. See yourselves warned.

Again, credit to @broadwaytheanimatedseries for screaming at me to write this, and to @whatwashernameagain for Keep Him Safe, and also a tiny tiny lil bit to @anony-phangirl and @asleepybisexual for their general support and for being such great sports about me annoying them with my ideas… (oops).

(I’m trying to find a way to write my notes, so bear with me until I find a way that will stick. This will do for now.)

(KHS) Tag List (sort of): @em-be-lievable, @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2, @adoratato, @supremestoverlord, @royallyanxious, @madly-handsome, @hanramz-the-fander, @the-incedible-sulk, @poisonedapples, @virge-of-a-breakdown, @winglessnymph, @princeanxious, @smokeyrutilequartz, @im-bad-at-life (if any of you could tag the rest, please do! I’m improving my memory from day to day, but… yeah…)

Tag list: @bunny222, @ab-artist, @secretlyanxiouspersona, @your-username-is-unavailable, @virgilcrofters

Trigger warning: period appropriate transphobia (the early 00s were not exactly trans-friendly). This chapter also includes discussion of two rather tragic (in my opinion) real-life events, and very few mentions of food.

—————

"Today, we're going to do things a bit differently."

Saturday, October 12th, 2002

"Raise your hand if the idea of coming out, even if you're already out, terrifies the living hell out of you."

Almost all hands flew up.

"Raise your hand if you understand the dangers of staying closeted too."

Pretty much everyone took their hands down. Only very few stayed.

"Last week," India said after a long breath, "we lost… the community lost one of our own. We… we lost someone to hate crime." She lowered her hand. Remy was almost in pain, seeing her try to talk about it. She called him last night, asking him if it's not going to be too much for him (and if so, she has another thing planned). "Gwen Araujo was seventeen when she died because she was outed as transgender in a party."

"Wasn't this released, like, two days ago?"

"Yes, and that's why I want to talk to you about this. Just… excuse me. I wrote it all down… it’s kind of a tough subject..."

It took India a minute to settle her voice, and another couple seconds to fumble with some papers. "I'll bet you all remember where you were when the World Trade Center fell in September eleventh last year." The room fell into silence. "I'll also bet none of you remember where you were on new year's eve in 1993."

Remy knew exactly where this was going.

"It could be because you were nine years old, which is the case for some of us, or you were already in bed by ten. I know my parents insisted that I'd go to bed by ten that night for a couple reasons. But on December thirty-first, 1993, we lost another member of the community. His story was turned into an Oscar-winning movie, but l can assure you none of you remember where you were when Brandon Teena was murdered for being born a girl."

The chatter was back. Remy could isolate some of the comments. Not most, just some. And it hurt. The ones he managed to isolate were not good, but one was much louder than the other.

"Can you really compare the murder of thousands to the death of just one person?"

"No I can't. But what you fail to realize here is that I'm not comparing anything here. I'm just trying to bring up a subject—"

"And you're using the tragedy of others to—"

"I lost family in September eleventh. I'm well aware of the tragedy. I'm also aware of the fact that transgender people are killed at ridiculous rates and this is something we should discuss!"

The silence after that was incredibly unbearable. India was close to tears, and Remy… as much as he wanted to go hug her, he couldn't.

It was that painful.

"Today's topic was supposed to be discrimination and hate," Remy heard someone shouting into the air - one of the juniors probably. "We do this conversation every year. Please listen to what the poor girl has to say. She's only volunteering to do this, on top of—"

"That's okay, Chris. I don't need an advocate."

It was going to be a long meeting, and Remy was not looking forward to it.

—

"I'm sorry I didn't speak today."

"You did alright. Sometimes doing nothing is a good thing."

India was incredibly frustrated when they finally got to Kirkland House. Remy insisted on going with her, to make sure that nothing else happened. She called him a gentleman for doing that.

It was sweet of her.

She ranted a bit about a guy who lived on the same floor as her (Jared Kushner or something) who was a dick to her and tried flirting with her girlfriend all the time, she told him that she applied to get a master's degree in forensics at Georgetown after graduation, and then they reached Kirkland House.

"You can get back to Harvard Yard from here, right?"

"Of course. Who do you think I am?"

India kissed his cheek and waved goodbye, and went into Kirkland House. And then Remy was alone. Well, not entirely, he still had to go back to Weld Hall and call his dad, but…

He was alone.

The yard wasn't as crowded as it was earlier and the weather was cooling down considerably, the leaves were changing… Harvard Yard was a beautiful place in the fall, Remy learned quickly enough.

He had very little time to process his thoughts when he was almost tackled to the ground by a tiny blonde kid almost running in the direction of the exit. Aka, the main road.

"How is it that when we're outside of class we keep running into each other in the weirdest ways?"

"That's less weird than how my grandparents met," Emile said, breathless.

"Not what I said, babe."

"No, really! My grandpa was coming back to Amsterdam from London just as my grandma was on her way to London straight out of Auschwitz, and—"

"Can we keep this story for another time?"

"...sure." Emile gave Remy a half-smile. "So… I kinda have to go to Party City. I need to stock up for Halloween."

"Didn't you go there two weeks ago?"

"Yes, but they didn't have this one thing I really needed, and I kinda forgot a couple other things, so they told me they'd call when they got that thing they didn't have, so I'm going to pick it up!" He was… incredibly jumpy today. It was rather endearing. "You wanna come? We can go get pizza."

"What thing are you missing, exactly?"

"A wig! I'm gonna be Kim Possible."

He was so excited… Remy started feeling bad for being this confused.

"...what?"

"Kim Possible! Don't you— you know what, it's okay if you don't know. It only came out in June anyway." The half-smile turned into a full, bright one. He was adorable. "So, you wanna come with me?"

...well, he had nothing better to do for now.

"Sure, sunshine. But I need to get my wallet and phone first."

"Yay! Anyway, so Kim Possible is this show, it's on the Disney Channel but trust me it's not that bad… "

—

Emile was growing on Remy more and more each day. And… he may have started getting interested in Kim Possible after going out for pizza with him. The never ending energy was growing on him in a way. It was impossible not to like his enthusiasm, and…

Yeah, he was starting to grow on Remy.

"So, now, lucky that I'm vegetarian, right?" Emile said as he took his third slice of pizza. "So at least I have some sort of excuse, at least according to my aunt, but we just keep having to explain to them what kosher means and—"

"Are we still talking about your sister, Emile?"

"What?"

"We were talking about your sister and then you started talking about… well…"

"Oh! Yeah, sorry!"

"Please stop apologizing. You're not doing anything wrong."

"Right. Umm… so… Doctor Gilliam suggested I might want to get evaluated at the psych clinic sometime soon," Emile mumbled, straightening his glasses. Slightly more closed off. Making Remy feel real guilty. "I don't… I don't know why, but he said I might want to."

"And you're just gonna take him up on that?"

"Yeah? No? I don't know. I'm only sixteen, honestly, I'm gonna have to talk to my parents about this."

Sixteen?!

"Yeah, I thought I told you!"

...shit. He spoke out loud. Shit.

"I'll be seventeen in December. But… never mind. Do you think I should listen to him? About the evaluation?"

"I have, like… no idea."

The way back to Cambridge was full of even more chatter about everything and nothing, and Remy couldn't put in a word. Not that it mattered anyway. Emile was interesting.

Remy gave his input whenever he could, but he would much rather listen to Emile talk. He had an adorable voice

—

"You didn't call me last week, kiddo. Found yourself a guy?"

"Dad, please…"

"Do you think you're going to take her up on that offer?"

"Dad, daddy, papa, David, any normal person when answering the phone would ask how are you doing. Not if you hooked up with a guy or if you're going to babysit your sisters who you've never met just because your bitch of a woman who birthed you asked you to."

"When have we ever done anything normal, Remy?"

"Well… true. But no, I'm not going to take her up on that offer. I don't really care, to be honest."

"They're your sisters."

"And so is India but you don't see me trying to—"

"You haven't told me much about her, kid."

"Well… she's not doing okay lately. Did you see the news? About that girl in California?"

"Edward Araujo?"

"Gwen."

"Right. Sorry. It's just… the news."

"It's okay. But… India is losing it over this case. And honestly… I get her. It's terrifying to see someone of your kin just…"

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. But really, did you hook up with anyone?"

"Nah. Dad, I'm eighteen. I'm not you."

"Hey, your mom got pregnant with you because of this one time when we were seniors when she had an empty house this one week in December and threw away my condoms when I tried to—"

"Dad, that's disgusting and please don't bring this up ever again."

"Got it. But anyway?"

"...there's a guy in my major, his name is Emile—"

"You gonna ask him out?"

"Dad, no! He's sixteen."

"And he's a psychology major?!"

"I asked myself the same question. But yes. He is."

"Well, I mean… he's within the appropriate age range for you. I guess."

"...what is it about I don't want a relationship at this stage of my life didn't you hear?"

"You're eighteen, Remy! One day you're gonna find someone and—"

"That's the thing. I'm eighteen. I have many more years ahead of me."

"Okay. Whatever you say. Any other boys I should know about? Girls, too, if you're into them now?"

"Just… this one guy. His name is Chris, he's a bit older… I don't know. Should I really be talking to you about this? You're my dad!"

"Am I not allowed to be interested in my son's love life anymore?"

"You weren't this interested in it when I was in high school."

A long sigh. "Remy…"

"I know you're worried, Dad. Believe me, I do. But I'm doing just fine! Rashida has dance parties every Wednesday for some reason so we bond over that, Lucy is basically just my map to going everywhere, we haven't hung out that much, Sammy is being a cutie all the time and Katherine is obsessed with everything. She really likes Emile's bunny for some reason and keeps talking about how her niece and nephew would absolutely love it. Her niece is two years old! I just…"

"Sounds to me like you're making friends."

"Well… yesterday I went with Emile to Party City. I don't know what I'm doing for Halloween this year, but…"

"What was that you just said?"

"If all goes right, I'll be Jack Skellington. But I don't have a backup."

"What would you need a backup for? You'll do great!"

"So, how's your girlfriend?"

"Eh, I don't know. Elaine isn't… that… you know."

"I'm sure she's absolutely lovely."

"Yeah, so was I. Can't wait for you to meet her."

"Can't wait either."

"...are you sure you don't want to babysit Linda's girls?"

"Dad!"

"Just asking!"