#but over the years I realize she is more open minded than previously thought

[ariadventures]

Every time I’m in Houston, I stop by an Asian bakery to bring back fun and fancy breads before I head to the airport. Our cashier was trans. On the drive home, my mother expressed surprise, and then a moment of silence before her next carefully worded sentence. “In this world, people take different paths to reach their own happiness.” Sometimes I think she’s close to understanding it and it gives me false hope

[bbydoll18xx]

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart (Part 3): Grinning Like I’m Winning

Paige Bueckers x reader

The aftermath of a drunken confession.

Word Count: 2k

Themes: more angst, fluff and a happy ending :))

Masterlist

Part 1 - KK tries to set you up on live, and things between you and Paige go south.

Part 2 - You go out on a date. Paige gets drunk. Chaos ensues.

A/N: helloooo thanks to everyone who has stuck with me I know it's been awhile since part 2 (i've had terrible writers block) I really hope you enjoy this! I've got a lot of exciting plans for the next few weeks as well

~

You had barely slept. With Paige’s confession ringing hauntingly in your ears, sleep had evaded you, and you were slowly losing your mind. 

Your thoughts were swirled with anxiety and a creeping giddiness that threatened to bubble up and ruin the strict boundaries you had placed on your psyche to prevent ruining your cherished friendship with Paige. Her actions hinted towards perhaps a mutual feeling, but the devastating thought that it was just the alcohol teasing you, made your heart drop to your ass. 

You and Paige had previously had several run-ins with close calls with drunken confessions and touches and glances that had felt a little less than friendly. But you had both brushed them off, thinking it was easier to internalize the confusing feelings than dealing with them head on. 

Your thoughts drift back to the way she held onto you last night, as if she was terrified of losing you, and you cannot forget the way she launched into you when you came to pick her up from the bar, whispering into your neck about how she missed and needed you. 

Was it friendly? Maybe, but the hopefulness in you made you think it was laced with something more. And you were going to ride that high until reality came to slam you back to the crushing realization that you and Paige were just friends. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Paige shifts beside you, moving closer into the warmth emitting from your body, and a quiet hum of content leaves her throat. You run a hand through her soft hair, gently scratching her scalp, pulling her out of her slumbers. She opens the eye that wasn’t smushed against her pillow, blinking a few times as her brain registers your presence. 

“Hey,” she whispers, her voice huskier than normal, and your belly flips at the sound. Her morning voice was a personal weakness of yours, and not being able to hear it the last week had affected you more than you liked to admit. 

“Mornin’, P. How’re you feeling?” You ask, eyes raking over her face, trying to avoid looking at her lips, as she slowly licked them. 

Paige groans, rubbing her eyes. “I drank way too much last night,” she mumbles. 

You agree with her, nodding your head as a chuckle threatened to escape. “You usually can hold your alcohol better than that. What the hell happened?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugs, jostling you as she does so, a gentle reminder of how close she was to you. “How was your date?” she asks, effectively changing the subject.

Your heart falls again as you recall the disastrous end to your date with Scarlett, and you sigh. “I’m guessing you didn’t hear?”

Paige shoots you a questioning look, shaking her head adorably, eyes still clouded with sleep and her hangover.

You clear your throat. “She basically just wanted to go out with me to get closer to you,” you trail off, the embarrassment washing over you once more. “So I walked out on her.”

“Fuck, baby,” she breaths, a look of pity enveloping her features. “You deserve so much better than that.”

“It’s fine,” you mumble. “I think I’m just going to be on my own for a while, ya know? I’ve had so many bad dates this past year, and it’s getting discouraging.”

“You never know, though. The right girl, o-or person might be closer than you think,” she says, stuttering over her words. 

“Maybe. Just tired of people fucking me over,” you say, hoping she doesnt hear the audible crack in your voice. But it’s Paige, and because you’re you, she doesn't miss it, and her face morphs into one of sadness and regret. It haunts you, and all the aching in your chest slams back into you at an alarming force, crushing you. 

A few moments of silence pass, and after you had shoved your face back into your pillow to hide from the cruel reality of your ridiculously embarrassing dating life, Paige speaks. Her voice is quiet, an echo that subsequently shatters any last attempts to hold on to the friendly confines of your relationship.

“I’d never fuck you over.”

Peeking back up at her, your face softens at her admission. “I know, P. That’s why I love you, ya know,” you respond, and her face flushes. 

Neither of you were awake enough to scrutinize over the verbiage, but in both of your hearts, you knew it was more than a friendly kind of love. It was enough for now. But not for long, as you would both come to realize.

~

“I really thought she liked me. And i just want someone who actually gives a fuck about me, ya know? Like my standards are literally on the floor at this point, and I’m still alone,” you mumble, a pout on your lips as you recount your latest failure of a date with Scarlett to Azzi and Jana. You’re squished between them on the couch in Paige’s apartment, and the blonde could not keep her eyes off of you.

Her gaze was hot, and you could feel it follow you from the second you walked through the door with a sour expression covering your face, bitter that you could not have Paige. 

Her words were still on a constant loop in your mind, incessantly mocking you over the fact that you were still just friends, and you were too much of a coward to risk ruining things with her. So you resorted to bitching to the other girls, appreciating that your distaste for dark haired girls who fawned over Paige Bueckers was the perfect distraction.

Across the room, Paige listened to your diatribe, trying to pump herself up to just admit her feelings to you now that she was sober. The other girls were simultaneously shooting her looks of pity and encouragement, aware of her feelings. It was easy to notice how Paige had gotten absolutely wasted in your absence, and it was well known that her drunken ramblings of how pretty you were and how she fucking loved the way your hair flowed over your shoulders were not just from the effects of the alcohol. It was something more.

It would always be something more.

“Lots of people give a fuck about you,” Azzi says soothingly, patting you on the shoulder. “Someone might be closer than you think,” she adds, and you don't miss the gleam in her eye.

“Yeah, yeah,” you wave her off with a lighthearted eye roll. “That’s what Paige said.”

Paige nearly jumps at the sound of her name, and Jana covers her mouth to muffle a laugh. 

You look over at Jana. “What is so funny?”

She clears her throat, trying to play it off. “Nothing!”

You squint at her, trying to figure out her angle. The girls were acting so weird tonight. You were naturally perceptive, and you definitely weren’t an idiot; you could see the shooting looks sent between you and Paige from the other girls. And you could actually see the wheels turning in KK’s head as she exclaimed “I’m bored. Let’s play Never Have I Ever!”

Your heart begins to race as your nervous system goes into overdrive. You would not put it past KK, or any of the other girls, to try and reveal your feelings to Paige for a laugh.

The thought of unreciprocated feelings was enough to make you want to crawl into a hole and hide forever, and despite Paige’s drunken admission still ringing in your ears, you had not let yourself believe that there was any truth to it. Because believing that she actually loved you was almost too much. 

KK claps her hands, gathering everyone into a large circle on the carpeted floor, pulling you from your worries. You sigh, getting up from your spot on the couch and plopping down next to Ice and Aubrey. Paige was sitting directly across from you, and for what feels like the tenth time since you had walked through the door, Paige was staring at you with those goddamn blue eyes and an expression that was hard for even you to read. 

Fuck, this was not going to be pretty.

The game started out innocent enough. Aubrey had started, asking everyone to take a drink if they had participated in underage drinking, eliciting laughs from the younger girls who were in fact currently underage. 

Next to Aubrey was Jana, who asked the group who had ghosted someone before. You once again sipped your drink, as did everyone else. The pounding in your heart lessened, hopeful that no one was planning on being too messy tonight.

The game continues for a few minutes with no issues. The drinks are quickly drained as more and more questions are asked. Soon enough, it’s KK’s turn and the sly grin on her face makes you instantly nervous again. KK was the one constantly encouraging you to admit your feelings to Paige, and you knew she would not hesitate to put it all on the line if she thought it was the right thing to do. 

She rubs her hands together mischievously. “Okay, y’all. Take a drink if you’ve ever had feelings for a friend.” 

‘Fuck me,” you think, a flush covering your face. You duck your head, trying to subtly take a drink. Across the circle, Paige drinks, too, and KK hoots loudly.

“Shut up,” Paige mumbles, flipping off the younger girl, and you nod in approval. 

It was now Ice’s turn, and she looks over at KK with a similar grin. “Take a drink if the friend you have feelings for name starts with the letter P,” she smirks.

Your head spins, and you feel all the blood drain from your face. Everyone was looking at you now, including Paige. Your hand shakes as you bring your cup to your mouth, taking a tentative sip, desperately trying to avoid the stares of all the girls, who were now stifling their laughs. 

“Fuck off,” you whine. “I don't wanna play this game anymore.” 

“Take another drink if you’re in love with Paige Bueckers,” KK says with a dramatic wink in your direction, and you give her a death stare.

You ultimately had two choices: deny the fuck out of it or grow a pair and admit your feelings. And in an insane display of bravery, you take one more drink, eyes boring into hers.

The room erupts into cheers and gasps of shock, and you hear multiple mumbles of “finally” as you do so. 

“Get your cute butt over her,” Paige says, patting her thigh with a fond look, and you stand up without even thinking, nearly rushing over to finally be close to her. The great war between your head and your heart was over, and she was yours. There was absolutely no denying that.

She pulls you into her lap, and you lean into her touch, just as you wanted to when she was drunk off her ass. “I told you last night that I loved you,” she said teasingly, and the girls erupt in loud gasps again.

“WHAT?” they yell, causing you to wince at the volume. 

“I thought you were just drunk,” you say shrugging, a small smile on your lips. “How was I supposed to know you actually meant it?” 

“I straddled you, baby,” she stresses, grinning, running her hands across your hips.

“Well, you know now,” you respond.

And she did. And soon the whole world would, too, because there was just no hiding those heart eyes with Paige. All thoughts of your shitty love life evaporated in that moment. Gross frat boys and gold-digging dark haired girls were quickly erased from your memory, and they were replaced with the pretty blue eyes of your best friend who loved you.

You could do it with a broken heart, but now your once cold and desolate heart was full. And that was all because of Paige.

~

@patscorner @lovesickramblingsofmine @jaeyoonstie @obi35

that was fun! thank you so much for reading!! let me know what you think :)

xoxo katy

[sevenop]

Billie Eilish x Fem!reader: Vroom Vroom

A/n: Billie brings you along for the shoot, but in the end she's suddenly jealous you not so much of Charli as of your attention to her as a celebrity. Charli playfully teases at her, but no doubt Eilish finds an original way to remind you about herself.

Their music video for "Guess" is a sudden bomb for my inspiration! And it doesn't have much to do with the text, but I do want to point out that Charlotte is an icon of my teenage years, lol.

Talking to Charlotte Aitchison, or more popularly Charli XCX, is definitely an exciting moment for you, given your strong fascination with her as a teenager. You're extremely visibly shaken from exactly the moment she gives you a welcoming hug and you're still in that excited mood. You've fainted about forty times in your mind, and you'd probably have realized one of those dramatic falls if it weren't for Billie's hand on your waist, which is clasping your side a little tighter than usual by the minute, or beating out some nervous rhythm of its own.

"It's very nice to meet you, Y/n!" - Charlotte smiles incredibly warmly, and for a second it seems to you that you are going to kiss the asphalt fantastically with your lips. Well, and with the whole face as a whole. - "Billie told me that you're an old fan of mine, you know, I'm really pleased."

"Gosh, uh... thank you!" - you touch the back of your head with the palm of your hand in burning awkwardness, only to then bring that hand back down sharply, as if spurring yourself on and sobering up. - "I just momentarily lost all the words I wanted to say to you, I'm sorry."

You're feeling incredibly uncomfortable with your surroundings under the weight of your own excitement and trepidation, even though Charli is looking at you as relaxed and friendly as possible-what's more, her dark brown eyes remind you of two mugs of hot tea, which with each sip envelope you with comfortable warmth, dispersing the delicious boiling water through your arteries.

Eilish, who has been gallantly silent all this time, understands you without any words, simply by reading your broken body language. In one deft but at the same time masterfully hidden in her persistence movement, she pulls you closer to her, right to her side, as if she were a mother duck and you were her obedient but confused duckling.

"Relax, my girl." - Eilish throws a slight smile on her lips, and puts her hand possessively much lower than your back, or rather, right on your ass. Just for a few moments, but you also instantly feel your ears light up like warning lights. - "Charlotte is exactly the same person as you, remember?"

Charli chuckles playfully as you nod and exhale slightly, gathering all the words and thoughts into the formerly organized piles in your head.

"Okay, let's start with something simple to bring you to your senses, hot chick." - you side-eye Eilish's eyebrows almost twitch, wanting to come together at the bridge of her nose, and that little silver snake rattling the tip of the tail foreshadowingly in her blue eyes. But the smile doesn't leave her face a quarter of an inch, so chalk it up to your nervous imagination: good idea, right? - "Name me your favorite song from my recent album."

And you babble inspirationally, like a renaissance poet who has met a sacred and previously unattainable muse: you note the meaning of your favorite lyrics, or the beat that comes into your soul, like was as if someone had unceremoniously opened the door with his hit foot. You praise almost every track on the album, unable to decide what you like best, and Charlotte laughs loudly, touching your shoulder lightly with a little pressure. And Billie sees how shocked you look at the singer, being doused head over heels in euphoria. She sees your gaze, with a million stars floating in it, sees your quivering smile. She sees it, and almost sending sparks of pure current straight into the asphalt. You don't admire her, but someone else, even if it is well extremely deserved for Charli. And the realization of your admiration definitely stings her painfully, like an angry wasp out of the blue. Sure, you're her girlfriend, but aren't you her fan anymore?..

When she notices this dazzling spark in your eyes, which ran through the moment when Charlotte offered to personally give you her autograph, O'Connell frankly breaks the first lock of self-control out of a possible three. She doesn't even have time to think properly, almost leans on you with her whole body, throwing her arm over your shoulder, hanging on you in mute demand. You immediately shift your gaze worriedly, shifting all your attention to her. For Eilish, holding back a satisfied smile, which is coming out of her cunning interior, is now a difficult task to heaven, but doable.

"Tired, dear?" - you ask sensitively, deftly reversing roles: your hand now firmly and securely on her waist. - "Do you want me to get you some water?"

"Or you can take a break in the dressing room," Charlotte gently advises, while devils dance invitingly in her eyes, as if her irises are bursting with the heat of inquisition bonfires. Oh, she definitely got it. That's why Eilish stabs her in response with her zealous blue blizzard, wrinkling her nose. Just a second, so that only she can see, but in no case not you.

As Billie opens her lips for a made-up answer, a thin female voice cuts through the air beside you:

"Ms. O'Connell, I'm sorry, but can I talk to you for a minute?

You all three of you look at the girl at once, as if the request wasn't addressed to Billie alone, which makes the petite blond stew, clutching the clipboard with neat palms to her chest, but then she finds the necessary composure.

"Your presence is required at the site to clarify a working point."

"Sure, no problem." - she moves out from under your palm ever so unwelcome, swaying slightly from side to side to prolong her contact with you for a few moments. Turning on her heel and shouting to you, she's already following the fast-paced assistant director. - "I'm fine!"

She feels your gaze on her with the back of her head, mixed with misunderstanding and slight excitement, and she almost choke on her own pride, finally allowing herself a cheeky smile. Suddenly, the tingle from the back of her neck is gone, and behind her your hear your loud laughter and Charlotte's azartic shout: "I'm going to steal your loyal groupie to show her the set, Billie! I can't promise I'll get her back!"

Eilish turns around, and Charli smiles at her like a cat contented under the heat of the sun. No, it won't work like that!

×××

"Really? I never thought you'd still love «Vroom Vroom» more than anything."

Stepping over millions of wires and stage markings, you survey location after location, noting how your excitement is gently shifting into confidence, and confidence into a slight premonition of anxiety warming at your fingertips and deep in your heart. Talking to your living dream in the world of Hollywood is extremely comfortable and desirable, but still you feel in your gut that something is wrong with Eilish, even if you can't explain what it is.

"This is my loudest baby, if I may say so," - Charlotte smirks, gently putting her hand out in front of you in a warning gesture, - "careful, there's another one here."

You step over the thick camera cord, suddenly feeling the ground beneath your feet shake slightly, or should I say vibrate. Far behind the two of you, you hear a mechanical, rumbling noise reminiscent of a construction site. Charli puts her tanned palm on your shoulder, instantly stopping you in your tracks.

"Turn around," - she smiles at you extremely contentedly, meeting a catchy sketch of misunderstanding on your face, - "I'm sure you'll like it."

One hundred and eighty degree turn around your own axis and you don't know what's deafeningly louder right now - the gushing laughter of Charli seeing your bulging eyes in amazement, or the helling murmur of the damn construction excavator that's coming your way slowly, led by her majesty Eilish, sitting regally behind the wheel.

"What the fuck, O'Connell?!" - you announce, folding your palms in a report-like fashion and bringing it to your lips: the only thing that helps a bit to overcome this sonic behemoth with a multi-ton bucket.

"Get ready to jump in!" - Eilish's eyes are burning a confident blue enough that you don't even need to squint to see it, and about a smile would be needless to say. - "I'm taking my loved groupie back, Charlotte!"

"I give up!" - Aitchison shouts, mixing the echo of his own voice with the roar of the engine, raising both hands in a surrendering gesture, grinning good-naturedly.

The excavator clanks, sliding at first a little to the left side of the wide area, and then leveling off again, still on course with the two of you, except now it's traveling at a safe distance from you instead of straight ahead.

"I wouldn't keep her waiting if I were you, or she'll burn with jealousy," - Charli puts her palm to your ear conspiratorially, except instead of the classic whisper: a shout. - "Come by my dressing room afterward, I promised you an autograph after all."

Something clicks shrewdly in your head as you smile, hugging the star briefly: you barely touch her waist and she pats you on the shoulders in return, and the excavator seems to make an even louder noise, like an iron bull spewing anger in the heat of a bullfight. The only one subduing him is Eilish. Charli hurriedly steps aside, watching with undisguised interest, and you only catch Eilish's outstretched left palm as you climb up the step. Her fingers grip you so tightly and securely that even the tattooed three of winged fairies embossed on her skin seems to be pulling at you with their little hands.

"You're crazy, Eilish!" - you shout with an outburst of laughter, wrapping both hands around the iron handrail.

"I'm your crazy!" - Billie returns both hands to the steering wheel, confident that you have a firm grip these.

"When did you even learn to drive this multi-ton monster?"

"Exactly half an hour ago," - an undisguised contentment plays on her lips as her gaze drifts forward. - "Not much different from a normal car, though there are nuances."

Glancing in the rearview mirror, you notice not only the surprised set workers, but also Charli waving at you. A grin spreads across your face.

"As nuanced as your jealousy of Charli?"

"I'm not jealous," - O'Connell lets a chuckle pass through her lips, and even drowned in the rumble of the car it doesn't seem sincere.

"Oh, what are you saying?" - you raise an eyebrow, and Eilish casts a quick glance at you-the blue sea is completely draped in eloquent silver serpents, to see which: an honor purely for you and no one else.

"Okay, yeah. I'm jealous." - Eilish exhales in astonishment, jerking the long clutch lever with her hand, to which the iron hulk rumbles, going leisurely to the right on its powerful tires. You see parking lot markings in the distance and a small silhouette waving two neon-orange flags: obviously the parking attendant himself. - "I don't like it when your attention and admiration isn't on me."

"My, you're greedy," - Billie tsked, rolling her eyes, but you only smiled affectionately. - "Would a kissing session make up for my shortcoming?"

Billie hesitates for a moment, rubbing her chin with one hand, then playfully pouts her lips in an olfactory pink bow like a child.

"If you also stand behind the cameras with the cameramen, catching my every glance, then quite possibly yes."

"Okay, I agree!" - You laugh, throwing your head back, and Eilish doesn't hold back in her supposed seriousness, drowning in laughter following you.

"Now get ready to get off. We'll walk from here. I have to see what kind of wall I have to break down."

You are silent, choking on air in a flash. Well, this is going to be an interesting shoot, though it's always just that way with Billie.

[gorefreaklintjrwi]

Bite me!

Troy tells Lint that she's a vampire. Lint, maybe a little too excitedly, offers a taste of their blood.

edit: this is also on ao3 now

tw/cw for blood

GUYS I CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT VAMP!TROY AND FREAKY LINT

A dim light from the ceiling is all there is in the room. Troy’s room. Lint and her hang out in here a lot, since it’s not like his dad is going to bother them. He’s busy working in his office. Even if their sight didn’t make its way over to look at Troy every two seconds, it’d still be too dark to read the words on the page. Troy is watching a top spin on the floor. He’s sitting with his legs crossed, and it looks like he’s got something on his mind. Which is rare for Troy.

Lint didn’t even realize he was staring until Troy spoke up, “Hey man? I think I gotta tell you something, broski. And it’s like, really important.”

Holy steam, is she about to say what Lint thinks he’s going to? Is there finally going to be hope that they might have a chance with Troy Lougferd?

“Yeah, man? What’s up?” Lint replies, although they needed to take a second to compose his thoughts. He hopes their face isn’t too red. Troy isn’t looking at them, it seems like she’s avoiding it, really. He’s fiddling with his hands, clearly nervous.

“So, uh… I’m a vampire. Me and my dad both. Just thought I should tell you, man.” Troy coughs.

Oh. That is not what Lint was expecting. That doesn’t mean he’s disappointed, not at all, if anything they’re just as happy as they would have been if Troy had said that he was into guys. 

Lint wonders what it would feel like for Troy to bite him, and their face is definitely red now. And without thinking, he says, ���Oh… That’s awesome man! Do you- do you wanna, like, taste my blood?”

Cog, why did I say that? He’ll think I’m weird! Lint thinks to himself, as if it weren’t already obvious that they’re a strange individual. They’ve been obsessed with Troy for how many years now? And Troy doesn’t mind. It makes him like Lint more, actually.

“Uh- well, broski, that actually sounds- that sounds nice, man. Uh, but like, not in a gay way. You know.” Troy breaks the awkward silence that had filled the room.

She gets up and starts to walk closer to Lint, still sitting in the chair in the corner. Lint feels their heart start to beat faster as he approaches. His hands are shaking from excitement. That really doesn’t help prove his case of ‘not being a freak’, now does it?

Lint’s heart feels like it’s going to explode if it beats much faster than this. Troy’s mouth opens, revealing fangs that were previously not there. Or maybe they were just retracted. Is that how these vampires work? Lint doesn’t care, because this is really happening. This is actually happening and they’re more excited for it than ever.

Troy hesitates for a moment, the tips of his fangs just barely touching Lint’s neck, but in an instant her fangs are digging into their flesh and she begins to drink. It tastes sweet. Troy likes sweet.

And Lint, oh, Lint can’t do anything, and they like it. The second his fangs entered his neck, they felt content. They don’t just like this, he loves this. He can’t imagine a nicer feeling.

Troy’s enjoying the taste of Lint’s blood. Maybe a bit too much. She’s lost track of how much he’s taken, and he knows better than to take too much. Dad always says she’s ‘greedy’ with this kind of thing.

And so he pulls away. Lint is pale in the face, but it seems like he enjoyed themself. That’s good. He’ll probably be fine.

Lint is disappointed that it’s over, but they know that they couldn’t let her drink much longer.

“That was- that was nice, dude! I mean, uh- your blood was, um-” Troy stutters, she never stutters. Why is he stuttering? “Yeah, man, that was nice. Like, really nice, dude.” Lint talks over the other. Ordinarily, they would never talk over Troy, but nothing about this is ordinary, is it now?

Troy’s face is just a shade lighter than his bright red t-shirt, or at least that’s what it feels like. I don’t like Lint, do I? Not like that, right? Troy thinks to herself. He can deal with that later, though. It’s getting late, Lint should probably be leaving soon.

He leads Lint to the front door with a smile on his face, and the second that door closes behind him, the house is silent again. Troy’s mind is all she hears, and all of her thoughts are filled with Lint. He doesn’t know what came over him, but he’d definitely like more of Lint’s blood. Maybe next time, Troy thinks.

[reikamoew]

Levi's regrets in manga 136 - LeviHan's IF

*

This is a manga analysis. Levi and Hange's dynamics in the animation and the manga differ drastically.  

If you believe there is more to their story as well as their individual character development than meet the eye, I highly advise you to ditch the animation for the manga. With all due respect to Mappa, but the final season erases almost every romantic hint between Levi and Hange, along with the twists in their story arcs.

Please brace for a ride. LeviHan in the manga is as complex as it is captivating. The complexity is further muddled with sloppy translations. I will provide the original Japanese versions of key lines where necessary.

*

Previously, before the forest scene, Levi was bent on killing Zeke to avenge his fallen comrades, fulfilling his oath to Erwin.

The first time Zeke escaped, Levi reaffirmed his oath to Erwin on the rooftop, and laid Erwin to rest.

The second time Zeke escaped, Levi was severely injured, and Hange came to his rescue.

Hange held Levi to her chest, jumped into the river and fled to a forest.

*

Let's begin with the forest scene in chapter 126. It is a turning point in Levi's oath arc.

Levi was already awake when Hange attended to his injury. In an intimate moment, he cracked open his good eye to look at her when she wasn't aware.

He was quietly listening to Hange, as he always did.

Hange speculated that Zeke planned to use Eren's Titan power to inflict catastrophe. Later, on the aircraft, Levi told Pieck that killing Zeke might end the Rumbling. The Rumbling did cease briefly after he chopped off Zeke's head.

Hange was also concerned about their fate as the last two veterans of Survey Corps. The only option for survival seemed to be running away and abandoning their duties.

Lastly, and most importantly, unaware that he was listening to her the whole time, she murmured:

"Why not we live here together, Levi?"

In Japanese culture, living together usually suggests romance or a relationship.

Note the white bar right under this panel.

It's a timer bar, indicating the passage of an uncertain, usually long, amount of time.  Given that Hange had rebuilt the broken cart by the time Levi sat up, I'd estimate at least an hour had passed.

The fact that Levi cracked open his good eye and clearly heard Hange's soliloquy — from her speculation about Zeke to her unintended confession — proves that he had been wide awake.

It makes me wonder what Levi was thinking while pretending to be asleep.

One could only speculate.

I believe Levi was most likely imaging — as anyone would after hearing a shocking suggestion — the scenario of abandoning their duties to live together, only to then remember his oath to Erwin.

This internal conflict explains why he remained motionless.

It was the sudden Rumbling sound and Hange's scream that stopped Levi's from continuing to feign sleep.  When their eyes met, he averted his gaze and asked about Zeke's whereabouts.

See how Levi tried to sound angry and eager to kill Zeke as a way to strengthen his determination, only after lying quietly there and allowing himself to be torn about this for such a long time?

Hange uncharacteristically blushed upon realizing that Levi heard her suggestion, which is another clue that "living together" goes beyond friendship.

Levi cheered Hange up, but didn't address her slip of heart. Then, Levi and Hange left the forest, seemingly determined to leave their ambivalent thoughts in the forest.

Killing Zeke, the right choice from the perspective of honor and duty, won this round.

Yet Hange's slip of heart clearly lingered in the back of Levi's mind.

When Levi overheard Hange and Pieck's conversation, which didn't involve him at all, he felt the need to comment on this.

This is extremely unusual and interesting.

When has Levi ever commented on others' love lives in the manga? The only time Levi remotely did so was years ago when Mikasa constantly prioritized Eren over their squad missions. As the squad leader, Levi said something along the line of, "I don't understand your obsession with him, but don't mess up this time."  

(We all know how that obsession began. On hindsight, Levi's confusion foreshadowed his own future romance. Hange took care of Levi the way Eren took care of Mikasa, sparkling Ackerman' romantic attachment of a lifetime. )

Back to Levi's unusual, unnecessary, unsolicited comment.

Note he waited a bit for Pieck to leave to make sure it was a private conversation between him and Hange.

Levi said:

相変わらず巨人とは片想いのままだなクソメガネ

It roughtly translates as:

Your love has been unrequitted only with Titans, four eyes.

There is a Youtube video explaining the Japanese grammar of Levi's line, its hidden romantic connotation, as well as his bold choice of word for "love". The English translation loses all the nuance.  

Besides, Hange's response isn't "I will charm her", but rather "We will become good friends". There is no romantic suggestion in her line regarding Pieck.

Simply put, Levi took the opportunity to express his feelings in an awkward and clumsy way. Unfortunately, Hange failed to pick up on that. I honestly think the look on Levi's face would have helped him be understood. But they stood with their backs to each other.

Fast forward to Levi and Hange's farewell.  

The Survey Corps slogan is 心臓を捧げよ, aka Devote the Heart, without specifying whose heart it is.

It is supposed to mean devoting one's heart — represented by one's fist — to humanity.   

（The gesture is based on human heart's anatomical structure: an individual's heart and fist are of similar size and shape.）

Levi's fist is Levi's heart.

In this iconic scene, Levi altered the Survey Corps' solute gesture to devote his heart to Hange, hence her shocked expression.

Hange, despite on the verge of tears, brushed it off with a laugh, pretending she doesn't understand the gesture. She left him to fulfill her duty as the Commander.

When meeting her fallend comrades in the Path, she heard Erwin say:

"Hange, you've fulfilled your duty."   

(duty , or 役目 in the original Japanese manga. Remember this word)

As for Levi, he had to stay strong as the last veteran to lead the squad.

But you can see cracks through his tough facade. Like, he couldn't bring himself to look at what happened to Hange outside the window. Pieck, arguably one of the most perceptive characters, noticed this.

Or, when he directed kids' attention away, buying himself a moment to let agony take over.

Levi was clearly in the depths of pain and loss, triggered by Hange's death.

He was thinking. At this point we are just not sure what exactly went through his mind.

Levi's thoughts were revealed three chapters later, in chapter 136, in the form of a monologue.

His thoughts, under an intimidating image of Erwin in his mind, revolve around duty (役目).

Yep, the exact same word used in Hange's after-death scene with Erwin in chapter 132. I circled out the word 役目.

Hange and Levi didn't dare to abandon their duties in the forest to live together; Hange eventually died for hers.

Erwin's intimidating face in Levi's mind was a reminder that he needed to fulfill his duty — to kill Zeke. By far Levi appeared compliant, which makes his inner thoughts even more shocking.

Let's examine his first monologue line：

俺達の役目は  あそこで終わりだったのかもしれない

It roughly translates as:

"Our duty .... may have ended there."

There: the moment he swore his oath to Erwin four years ago.

He wanted to dump his oath from the beginning !!!

Because it was this very oath that pushed him and Hange out of the forest, hence the grievance — or even resentment, I would say — towards the oath.

But abandoning the oath is not enough to prevent her death. In Hange's after-death scene, she complained to Erwin that being Commander was too tough.

Levi's next monologue line:

ガキ共をとど/海に届ける そこまでの役目だったとしたら

It roughtly translates as:

"We got those brats to the sea, if that's where our duty ended..."

Why end their duties at the sea？

Because after they reached the sea, Hange's burden as Commander grew increasingly heavy, eventually leading to her death.

Between Hange assuming the position of Commander and the expedition to the sea, things went quite smoothly. It only took a sour turn afterward.

In other words, Levi regretted not ending their duties four or three years earlier. He wanted to keep Hange alive and happy.

He wanted to live an alternative life with her.

Levi's next monologue questioned the inhumane side of Survey Corps' "devote the heart" indoctrination — the very tenet that drove Hange to go on the suicidal mission.

It was also the biggest reason Levi didn't dare to stop her: their fallen comrades were watching.

Remember her last words to Levi?

"You understand, Levi. I have a feeling.... It's my turn."

I will leave the detailed analysis for another day, but let's focus on Levi's regrets for now.

If you look at Levi's monologue in chapter 136 independently, on its own, it's beyond confusing, out of blue and out of place. Why would he suddenly think "our duty may have ended four years ago" in the middle of a deadly war?

The only logical explanation is that he had been ruminating on their duty the whole time.

Now we know what exactly went through Levi's mind.   

Fascinatingly, there are some other clues.

One lies in the name of this chapter -  心臓を捧げよ (Devote the Heart) -  a strong indication of the link between Levi's inner thoughts with his painful farewell to Hange in chapter 132.  

Another glaring clue lies in "duty".

Isayama sensei even used the same Japanese word 役目 for duty in chapter 132 and chapter 136  to imply that Levi's monologue on duty was triggered by Hange's death.

In fact, the image of oath swearing in Levi's mind is reverted to imply the 180-degree shift from commitment to regret.

Before Levi's injury and Levihan's forest scene: commitement

After Hange's death: regret

The table has turned.

Right after Levi broke free the shackles of his oath, Zeke appeared. Levi killed him with one swift swing of sword. No torture for revenge this time, unlike before.

The Rumbling stopped. As Connie supported an injured Levi,  he said: " It's not that I don't have regrets. But ... we stopped the Rumbling, it's the right thing to do, right?”

Connie doesn't have a story arc of regret or lack thereof.

It's more likely him voicing Levi's hidden regrets and Levi's changed intent in killing Zeke — not for revenge, but to stop the Rumbling.

It explains Levi's expression as he slightly looked up, staring into the void, clearly consumed by his inner turmoil with something or someone in his mind.

Levi wanted to end their missions years earlier for an alternative life with Hange. It's an IF scenario.

In essence, IF is to go back in time, making different choices.

In case there's any confusion about his regrets, he made it clear in his monologue that he doesn't regret letting Erwin go.

Well, Levi's syringe choice is another puzzle with a twist, no less stunning than the twist in his oath arc. I'd say it's a love letter from Levi to the woman with sparkling eyes, an innocent dream and a selfless spirit.

But the analysis may cause some controversy and wrath from certain fandoms, so please let me savor it for myself for now.  

*

LeviHan is a fascinating, heart-breaking and complete arc. Hange's part is comparatively clear, while Levi's part is more in the dark, requiring quite some efforts to piece together the whole puzzle.

I will probably write about the heart arc, later.   

In the final chapter 139,  Levi's last panel focuses on his scar.

The pain and regrets will never really go away, because of the "what ifs" — of what could have been with her.

[feyhunter78]

I’m sorry I never ask for writing requests but your Elrond fics have stolen my heart. I was wondering if you could write about him and a reader who had been through some trials (bad parents preferably but whatever you’d like is good) and he talks about how brave she is? Like how he loves her because of it? And possibly some sweet smut if you could? If not that’s all good, I love love your writings!

So my requests areeee closed, but I do have a soft spot for Elrond and comforting people, so I thought I'd make an exception, there is no smut though I didn't feel like it would flow naturally

Courage and Comfort

It is strange the bonds that bind, the joys, and sorrows that collectively inhabit and pass down a family line, tainting one, honoring the other. An endless cycle of shared traits and habits, a history that one cannot blot out no matter how hard they endeavor to, and Valar knows you have endeavored for years upon years to cleanse yourself, to rewrite the past. But you can no more do that than the sun can refuse to rise in the morn.

Though when you hear news that your parents were in Lindon, to visit your sister, you feel as if the sun has refused to rise, darkness overwhelming you, choking you. The news is delivered by a young elf, who looks appropriately concerned when the scrolls you are holding clatter to the ground, stooping low to retrieve them for you. You take them gratefully and dismiss him, your feet taking you away from your previously chosen path, and back to your shared chambers with Elrond.

But fate did not favor you, and you passed by your parents in the gardens. You kept your head held high as you made brief conversation with them, moving about as if it had not taken all your strength, until you were blessedly at the door to your chambers, scrolls clutched tightly to your chest.

Elrond, your sweet husband who no doubt will be buried in his work with the High King, you do not wish to bother him with your fear, your sorrow. He has spent so very long comforting you, the last time your parents had deigned to visit Lindon. Your vision blurs and you wipe your eyes, angry. You will not cry because of them; they did not deserve your tears. And yet when you cross the threshold, depositing the scrolls on your desk, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and cannot stop them from flowing. How in such a short span of time have they wrecked you? They barely spoke a few words to you, and it has affected you so greatly.

Sinking down into a nearby chair, you bury your face in your hands, breathing slowly as you attempt to calm yourself. Attempt to push your fear and grief far from your body, to let it evaporate into the air and disperse, no longer plaguing you. After a while it works, a lightness replacing the heavy weight on your chest, the sunlight returning, the birds singing, and Elrond is there seated in the chair across from yours. You startle, having not heard him come in, your cheeks heating as embarrassment flushes through you.

“My love, apologies, I did not realize you had returned.” You say, giving him a weak smile.

Elrond shakes his head, reaching forward and taking your hands in his. They are warm, gentle, calloused more now that he has returned to training with his sword. “The messenger came and found me; he was concerned for your wellbeing.”

You give a soft, half-convincing laugh. “What a sweet boy, he simply surprised me, but it was very kind of him to be concerned.”

Elrond’s thumbs smooth over the backs of your hands, his oakwood eyes focused entirely on you, pulling you in, paging through your defense like they are a children’s book. You have never been able to hide your true feelings from him. “It brings me no joy to hear your parents are visiting, even if it is not to see you.”

It is an opening for you to speak your mind without judgement, a way to ease any guilt you may have for expressing reluctance, or anger for he has done it first. It warms your heart, how he cares for you, how he strives to make expressing your more difficult feelings and emotions easier.

“I ran into them, on my way here, I know it would bring them great pleasure if I hid while away for the rest of their visit, but I cannot—will not let them win. I have done well for myself, risen above their contempt, this is my home, I should not have to hide.”

“No, you should not.” He affirms easily, his expression steady but sorrowful. 

“I know I should not.” You look down at your joined hands, swallowing hard. “But why do I feel so afraid of the very idea?”

“Because you have never done it before.” He says simply, his voice calm, soothing the fluttering of fear in your chest.

You cannot meet his gaze. “Perhaps I am not courageous enough.”

“You are. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the act of looking past it, persevering even when you are afraid.” He reminds you, releasing one of your hands to gently tilt your chin up, your eyes meeting his. “You are very brave, my starlight, you proved it today. You did not run, you faced them head on.”

“I had no choice.” You deflect, though his words pull your heart further into the light.

“That does not negate the fact that you stood your ground, you could have run.” There is a smile tugging at his lips, one that makes you wish to smile as well.

You give a slight shrug, looking away. “I guess you are not wrong.”

Elrond chuckles and brushes his thumb across the center of your lips. “I am never wrong when it comes to the bravery of my starlight.”

His touch makes you shiver, all fear, and sorrow banished, replace by a warm, glowing feeling. “Oh?”

He nods and sweeps a kiss to the corner of your lips. “Your courage is one of the many things I love so dearly about you.”

“Is that so?” You ask, your head tilting up instinctively seeking out his lips.

“Yes, your courage and kindness, your beauty, your intelligence, it all ensnared me for the moment we met.” He says, his lips brushing against yours with each word.

Your heart skips a beat, even though you have heard these words hundreds of times, they still affect you all the same.

You loop your arms around his neck as he pulls you into his lap, his lips meeting yours with slow languid movements, soft and sweet, he tastes of sunlight, banishing any lingering darkness from your mind. Your body and mind align, tuning your senses to Elrond, losing yourself in his very existence. The scent of him, the taste, the feel of his hair, his hands, his lips against yours. You can certainly continue to be brave if this is your reward.

TROP tag list: @nyctophilic0vitnir, @elronds-pointy-ears, @elrondscalaquendi, @dilf-superiority, @jesticace, @emmyspov, @elrondswifey, @victoria-styles, @90angiex, @lucypaulette

[sunandflame]

Shards of Glass, Chapter 1

Summary: Kyojuro Rengoku, History Teacher on the Kimetsu Academy, is constantly having strange dreams about a Slayer who looks exactly like him. He thinks nothing of it until he recognizes a very specific person from these dreams and feels a very unique connection to her.

Pairing: History Teacher Kyojuro x Teacher Fem!Reader

Trope: Reincarnation / Sequel to Flame and Water (can be stand-alone)

Word Count: 1050

Pinterest Board of Shards of Glass

Crossposted on AO3

Masterlist of Shards of Glass

And please tell my Y/N not to grieve too much and to feel free to let me wait in the afterlife. I will be waiting for her.

I will be waiting for her…

waiting for her…

With a loud gasp, Kyojuro woke up and sat up in bed. In a panic, the young student clutched at his chest and his eye and immediately calmed down when he noticed that everything was still there. There was no hole adorning his torso.

He looked at the clock. 04:34 am. This time was burned into the core of his memory because he always woke up at this exact time when he had this dream about a strange demon train and his traumatic death. This dream kept repeating itself around his birthday. At first he didn’t waste a thought about it and dismissed it as a merely weird dream, but the more he kept seeing it and reliving it the more he was forced to look at it differently.

Just seconds after waking up he looked out the window and saw the first rays of sunlight shining through his window. Should he try to go back to sleep? No, that would not work, he was already wide awake. He sighed and swung his legs out of bed. The young student could use the time to jog so he could at least clear his head before working on his master thesis.

But jogging didn't do much good, his face was more serious than his usual sunny disposition and his young brother was already giving him a worried look at the breakfast table. “Brother, are you not feeling well? You haven’t eaten your rice.”

Kyojuro snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Senjuro, giving him a smile. “Sorry, I was just lost in thought.”

“Is this about your master thesis? You don't seem to be able to sleep much because of it. You were up very early today.” His father looked up from the newspaper.

"Oh, I didn't mean to wake you up, father."

"Kyojuro." His mother filled him up with another bowl of rice before she sat down at the table with them. “It’s not about waking us up. We’re just worried that you overwork yourself too much.”

Kyojuro gave them his well-known big smile and dug into the food. He was indeed hungry even if he was previously lost in his thoughts. "Thank you! Everything is fine, but if there is anything I will let you know!"

Kyojuro was a person who despised lies. He preferred to say things freely, even if they hurt, but he wasn't sure about those dreams of his. They were too strange to talk about or even mention. He once considered talking to his classmate and long time friend Obanai, but as soon as he opened his mouth something else came up and he decided against it each time.

He didn’t even have to sleep now to feel all jumpy. When he worked late into the night for his master thesis he was often able to feel a strong presence of another person behind his own back. Often he had to turn around with a loud “Who’s there?” just to realize he asked into an empty room.

It was probably the stress from the part-time job and the thesis and everything else that was going on. He tried to explain it away, but it didn’t do much and he could not convince himself of the lie. Kyojuro knew that he was not one to stress out easily. But there was one question he asked himself constantly. Why did he see these things over and over again?

A question that would follow him for many years.

If that was not enough, there was another question that was now following his mind. Who was this Y/N that he saw every now and then? The unknown beauty that haunted his nights had appeared after a stroll in the city when he saw a very special necklace in a jewelry shop - that of a water lily. It was handmade and so delicate. He didn't know why the piece of silver captivated him so much at the time, but he stared at it until his friends pulled him away into a fast food restaurant. The thoughts about the necklace were gone but she remained now in his dreams as his Water Lily and he did not know why.

~ ~ ~

Five years later…

“I heard that we’re welcoming a new colleague today. She seems to be a friend or relative of Tomioka.”

“Great, so we’ll soon have another weirdo here?” Sanemi snorted.

“Oh yeah, that's exactly what we need.” Obanai rolled his eyes and acted as if the person being addressed wasn't even in the room while Giyuu sat quietly in the corner.

A pop echoed in the room as Tengen burst his gum’s bubble that made him earn a glare from the math teacher.

Kanae smiled. “But Shinazugawa, you shouldn’t judge too quickly, especially since it’s a woman. Oh, how nice it is to no longer be the only woman among you all.”

"How come? Is our society too masculine for you, Kocho?” The teasing in his voice was audible.

A giggle sounded. “Oh, not at all.”

The flirting between the two was interrupted when Amane Ubuyashiki entered the teachers' room with a young woman who looked a little shy. All eyes were on her except Kyojuro's. He was engrossed in the students' homework and didn't even notice that the principal was standing in front of them. Tengen had to elbow him, only then did he look up from his work. Smiling, he nodded at Ms. Ubuyashiki until his eyes fell on the woman next to her.

Kyojuro's eyes widened subtly.

“We have a new colleague to introduce. This is Y/N L/N, the new English teacher at Kimetsu Academy. Y/N has already been given a tour of the school and also received her syllabus. Please, take good care of her, and introduce yourselves.” With these words, Amane disappeared with a smile and the new coworker stood there all alone.

She watched the principal leaving the room before turning towards them with a shy smile. “Hello, my name is Y/N and I’m looking forward to working with you.”

A/N: It's finally here babes! The sequel to Flame and Water. For everyone who is new here, you don't have to read Flame and Water to read this new series, but it's recommended since it is all about reincarnation. And since the poll decided for a multi chapter fic, I will deliver a multi chapter fic to you babygurls.

Also I wanna mention @heartbroken4ever who's fanart heavily inspired me to this fic (and made me choose the ending for F&W so this can happen). You should definitely check out their art! They are a big inspiration for me!

I hope you stay tuned for the next chapter! Unfortunately there will be no taglist this time, as I was heavily struggling in the past, but just know that I will post weekly updates!

[writing-about-current-obsessions]

Not okay

Pairings: Charles Leclerc x reader (requested)

Words: 1067

>Click here to check out my masterlist<  

Despite this year's car proving to be more challenging than expected, Charles was over the moon. He was optimistic and motivated, ready to take on the whole world. That invincible feeling may have something to do with a certain special person in his life. Well okay, it most certainly had something to do with his girlfriend.

She made everything in his life better. The unconditional support she gave him regarding his career and the way she cheered him on meant everything to Charles. But even beyond that, the way he could talk with her about anything and everything, the way they simply understood each other was something rare and Charles considered himself lucky to have found that with her.

On top of that, she just lit up every room she entered. Charles would certainly describe her as a social butterfly, because she was always surrounded by people who were either listening to her intently, laughing with her or joking around. She could always find common ground with anyone she met and start up a conversation, which Charles admired greatly. Especially because he thought of himself as awkward or shy at times, it was definitely a trait that he even envied her on.

Even now, when he was busy, she was conversing leisurely with the mechanics in the garage, passing time until Charles would be finished with work and they could get off the track together. He had just enough time to check up on her for a few minutes, wrapping an arm around her waist as he slipped into an easy conversation she was having with his co-workers.

At one point, Charles leaned closer to her ear, whispering a quick ‘I love you’ just for her to hear. She smiled wide, turning her head to look at her boyfriend, completely forgetting about the conversation she was previously immersed in.

“Can’t wait to get back.”, she whispered back. “I just want us to be alone for a while.”

“Me too, mon amour.”, Charles sighed, pressing a kiss on her cheek.

As if on cue, he was interrupted by his media manager. Before jumping in the car for another session, he had to meet up with some VIP guests at the garage. Since it was hard for him to actually unwrap his arm from his girlfriend, he included her in the conversation as well, basically dragging her with him and introducing her to everyone that just arrived. She didn’t complain and Charles didn’t realize it, but she was slowly but surely getting overwhelmed. As soon as she could, she extracted herself from the conversation, because everything was becoming too much; the people talking, the noises of the garage, the clicks of photos being taken and the cameras surrounding them. And that’s not even mentioning the energy she needed to keep up smiling and being nice to strangers she just met, trying to keep up conversations with everyone, crack a few jokes and try to be as charming as possible. Under the excuse of going to the bathroom, she escaped to the only room she knew that she will have some peace – Charles’ driver room.

She just needed a breather, that’s all. She sat on Charles’ bed, closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths. Out of nowhere, horrible thoughts started swirling in her mind; how she wasn’t interesting enough and how people actually don’t want to hang out with her. She started overthinking about every single interaction she had that day, with every person she communicated with, her pesky head always making up reasons why she could’ve said something better. Her head was a mess and she felt like all of the noise from the garage was still there, although she was actually sitting in a quiet room.

Her head was in her hands, trailing her fingers through her hair while she tried to take deep breaths. She was so distracted that she didn’t hear when Charles came in until he called out her name. That made her open her eyes in shock and look up at him.

“Is everything okay?” Charles furrowed his eyebrows, looking at her intently as he closed the door behind him.

As he approached her, she just kept staring at him, not knowing what to say. Her eyes were watery and tears were threatening to spill down her cheeks, there was absolutely nothing she could do to stop them now. When Charles saw her expression, he kneeled next to her, his eyes roaming all over her in worry.

“What is it? Are you hurt?” Charles asked in a panicky voice. “Did someone do something to you?”

She shook her head no, the first tear rolling down her cheek.

“N-no…”, she answered with a shaky breath. “I’m okay.”

“You’re clearly not okay.”, Charles said, moving to sit on the bed next to her and take her into his embrace.

She allowed herself to fall into his arms, completely enveloped by his warmth. He kissed her temple softly and rubbed her back in soothing motions, letting her cry silently for a bit.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Charles asked carefully after she calmed down a little.

She was silent, not knowing how to explain to Charles what the problem was. It was always hard for her to explain to her friends and family how lonely she felt. But, with a little goading from Charles and some encouraging words, she told him. In a quiet, unsure tone, she expressed her insecurities and the way she felt.

It was liberating. And what’s more, Charles was the best at comforting her; whether it was with his words or with physical touch. He hugged her close to him and peppered kisses all over her face, eliciting a few giggles out of her.  

“Mon amour.”, Charles said softly. “I had no idea you were feeling this way. I am so sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Charles.”, she tried to smile at him. “It’s not your fault.”

“I am glad that you told me.”, he pressed another kiss on her cheek. “Because now I can be more considerate and not put you into situations that make you uncomfortable.”

“You’re the best, Charles.”, she smiled wide, feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off her shoulders now that she confided in him about this.

“I am, aren’t I?” he smirked, cocking an eyebrow at her and making her laugh.

[komotionlessqueenmm]

Lost & Found

(1-3)

Previously | Next

Short story # 20

Gif NOT mine.

Summary - When you followed your best friend Wade Wilson into the Void, you never expected to cross paths with your lost love, Frank Castle.

Year posted - 2024

Rating - SFW (Though there is talk about some dark themes, including death and attempted suicide.)

Reading time (roughly) - 14 minutes

⚠️Some small spoilers ahead!⚠️

We'll pretend that The Punisher didn't die in the void, and in your timeline you were married to Frank, and he was the one to die with your kids, and you became The Punisher.

Ignoring the blood on the seat, (Y/n) lounged in the far back seat of the Honda Odyssey. "You two are ridiculous, you know that right?" She asked the men who'd just finished their little pissing contest of a fight. "Mhh hufp eh." Wade tried speaking, but the seatbelt secured tightly around his mouth prevented actual words. "No I will not be unbuckling you. I want to get some rest, and I can't do that if you idiots keep fighting. So shut up and go to sleep." (Y/n) sassed her best friend, ignoring Logan when he chuckled dryly. "If I didn't know you'd survive it, I'd have shot you both myself." She added with a huff, closing her eyes in an attempt to sleep. "You're welcome to try sweetheart." Logan mused, a faint grin stretched across his lips. "I'll save my bullets thank you." She sassed, smirking when she heard Wade giggle. "My son's were better behaved than you two." She added in a soft tone, upon hearing her admission Logan cracked open an eye, glancing over at Wade who'd gone uncharacteristically quiet. "Were?" He asked without much thought, unaware of the story behind The Punisher. He opened his eyes further when Wade writhed in an attempt to free himself, grunting and huffing about something. "Another time Wolvie, another time." (Y/n) muttered, regretting having brought it up in the first place.

Wade ceased his struggle, but still muttered to himself. And the more Logan thought on it, the more he realized that something bad must have happened. Something Wade clearly knew all about, considering how hard he had been trying to free himself. "I'm sorry." Logan muttered quietly, hoping she heard him. "You didn't know." She responded, as her arms crossed over the white skull painted across her black body armor. "I shouldn't have said anything in the first place." She added while sleep clawed at her tired mind. Logan hummed in his throat, closing his eyes once more as he relaxed into the reclined seat. "How many did you have?" Logan asked without thought, again making Wade struggle against the seatbelts. "Curiosity killed the cat you know." (Y/n) said as she cracked open her eyes, looking to the older man dressed in yellow. "I'm sorry... I just..." He struggled to find the words, unsure of why he was so adamant in asking questions. "I had two sons." She told him, leaning forward to rest her hand against Wades shoulder, to calm his frantic movement. "I was in the special forces, then I was an FBI agent, and I made a lot of enemies in both lines of work." She sighed softly, locking eyes with Logan when he turned to look at her. "During my last mission things went south, and a young man that shouldn't have been there got killed."

She leaned her elbows on her knees, swallowing the knot in her throat. "His parents were the leaders of this big criminal syndicate, and they wanted payback for the death of their son." She leaned back in her seat. "Their men killed my entire family, during a big family reunion in Puerto Rico. They run my husband and sons down with their truck like animals. Then they tried killing me, shooting me in the chest, and then they blew up the pier, while I lay at the end bleeding out." She exhaled through her nose heavily. "'Bout five months later I hunted them all down one by one, and I saved the father for last, made him kill his best friend and his own wife even. That was all three years ago. I met Wade not long after I finished the job, he actually convinced me not to kill myself." She chuckled bitterly, with a roll of her eyes. "And now look at us, lost in the asshole of the universe." She mused sarcastically, making herself comfortable in her seat again. Wade tried wiggling free again, seemingly determined to comfort his best friend. "Don't worry 'bout me bud, I'm alright." (Y/n) said in a comforting tone, smiling softly when he relaxed again. "Now that's enough story time, go to sleep." She instructed like a mother would, making Logan chuckle with a smile. "You're one tough woman." He said as he relaxed once more.

When the car jolted with movement, (Y/n)'s eyes snapped open. With a quick glance, she noted that Wade and Logan were still passed out. Looking to the drivers seat she saw a girl with dark hair driving the car. The sound of the safety clicking off of (Y/n)'s pistol caught the girls attention, and she locked eyes with (Y/n) through the rearview mirror. "Who are you?" The Punisher asked, unsurprised that Wade and Logan still slept soundly. "A friend." Was all the girl said, and (Y/n) hummed as she clicked the safety back in place. "Hope for your sake, you're tellin' the truth." Was all she said as she holstered her pistol, relaxing into her seat she could tell that they were headed in the right direction. "You're a Punisher?" The girl asked, glancing in the rearview before focusing on the path ahead. "I am." (Y/n) clicked her tongue, unsurprised that there was most likely more Punishers within the Void. Especially considering the way Nova had spoken to her the day prior, as if she'd met her before and considered her a traitor. "There's one at our safehouse." The girl told her as they crest a hill, pointing to an inconspicuous place on the horizon. "He's quiet." She added, and the older woman moved to sit in the passenger seat, careful not to bother the guys as they slept.

"If he's anything like me, he's been through a lot." She said brushing away the broken glass before sitting down. "We all have." The girl said, glancing to (Y/n) who nodded her head in agreement. "I suppose you're right." She glanced back at the guy's. "My names Laura." The girl introduced as she put the car into park. "(Y/n)." She nodded her head, and shifted in her seat when the young girl got out of the beat up car, leaving her behind with the guys who still slept soundly in the back. Sighing under her breath she moved to the back, and pulled her combat knife from the sheath strapped to her thigh. With little effort she cut away the straps keeping Wade pinned to the seat, once he was free she simply slapped him across the face. "Daddy?" Wade muttered as he sat up, shaking his head to shake off the sleep. "Not quite." (Y/n) chuckled before testing her luck and slapping Logan as well. The older man snapped awake with an angry growl, his claws extending from the hand closest to her, and he blindly tried swiping at her assuming it was Wade. (Y/n) however dodged the attack with swiftness, smiling at him when he realized who she was. "You'll have to try harder next time." She mused before pulling the sliding door open, letting herself out. "I thought you were Wade." Logan admitted, as he followed her out, feeling bad that he could have seriously hurt her. "I knew what I was doing." She shrugged before cracking her neck.

"Hey that's just hurtful." Wade cut in as he climbed out of the car, glaring at Logan who scoffed at him. "Where the hell are we?" Logan asked as he observed a door leading to a stairway. "Let's find out." (Y/n) mused as she took the lead, followed closely by Wade who was complaining about a stiff neck. "Hey how exactly did we get here?" Wade suddenly asked as they entered a large room, where people were clearly living. "A friend." Was all (Y/n) said, while she observed the trinkets lying around. "Bullshit." Logan muttered, beelining across the room when he noticed a bottle of liquor. "A friend?" Wade questioned with a small tilt of his head. "Patience bud." (Y/n) mused with a faint grin, noting the sound of approaching footsteps from the stairway. "You know I think that's what I like best about you both." Wade pointed to (Y/n). "You always call me bud." He then pointed to Logan. "And you call everyone bub." He then placed his hands on his hips. "It's cute." He added making both Logan and (Y/n) roll their eyes. Before Logan could make a remark, several people made their entrance, and with each person Wade became increasingly excited. Apparently he knew something neither (Y/n) or Logan knew. But when the fourth person descended the stairs coming into view, (Y/n) dropped the glass jar she'd been holding.

Logan glanced at her, and Wade gasped in shock. "No way." He rushed to his best friends side, latching onto her arm like an excited kid. "(Y/n)?" The man breathed out, looking just as stunned as she did. Logan glanced between them, noting the matching gear and decorative skulls. "Frank." She whispered his name, the both of them rushing across the room immediately after to embrace. "How are you here? Alive?" Frank asked as he pulled away from the embrace, to hold her face between his hands. "I could ask you the same thing." She breathed out, her eyes glossy and her throat tightening. Without another word he pulled her into a kiss, both of them pouring their heart and souls into the kiss as if it were their last. "Okay the kids are watching." Wade called out just as Frank's hands drifted down (Y/n)'s back, and when he realized what he'd said he winced as if he'd been stabbed. "Who's he?" Frank asked as they parted again. "A friend. He's kept me sane after..." She said as her hands drifted down his chest to trace the iconic skull. "You're not really her are you?" He asked as he brushed his thumb across her jaw. "And you're not really him." She muttered as she leaned into his touch. "What happened to you?" Frank asked. "Same thing that happened to you by the looks of it." (Y/n) placed her hand over his heart.

"(Y/n)." Wade called out her name softly, drawing the attention of both Punishers to him. "Right." She sighed softly. "We need your help." She looked back to her husband, then to the others that stood on the other side of the room. "All of your help actually." She said as she pulled away from Frank, who was reluctant on letting her go. "Our universe is dying." She explained, only to get cut off by Blade. "I don't give a shit about your universe." He retorted, and Frank glared at him. "Some heroes you all are." She shot back with a scowl. "Whether you care or not, billions of people are going to die needlessly, and there's a chance you can help change that." She looked to Frank, taking a small step back she held her arms out. "I'm no hero, I'm a killer. It's all I've ever been, and it's all I'll ever be. But when someone threatens to kill off my entire universe, I will die trying to stop them. Not for myself, but for them. All of them, the ones that can't defend themselves, the ones that need a goddamn hero, and the ones who will never know of the sacrifices made to keep them safe." (Y/n) looked back to Wade, dropping her arms back to her sides. "I have nothing left to fight for in my universe, but I am still willing to try saving it for those who do." She then looked back to the others. "And if you all would rather sit here and rot away in the asshole of all the universes that's fine." She looked between each of them.

"But I refuse to just sit back and claim it's not my problem, so I'll go back out there. And I'll probably die trying my damnedest to get Wade and Logan passed Nova, but I will die doing what's right, and I will die knowing that I at least tried to do the right thing." (Y/n) said as she took another small step back, and then turned to Wade. "Cap would be jealous." Wade joked, trying to lighten the mood. (Y/n) simply rolled her eyes at her friend despite the small smile on her face. "No I'm serious, I've got tears." He said as he pointed to his masked face. "I'm going with you." Frank said as he moved closer to his wife. "I couldn't save the version of you in my universe, but if there's a chance I can protect you, to save you." He took her face between his hands again. "I'll do whatever it takes." He promised before resting his forehead against her own. "I like her." Gambit said, with a nod of his head. "I'm in." He concluded as he flipped a card between his fingers. "Yeah okay, I'm in too." Elektra agreed as she rest her hands on her hips. "Fuck it anything is better than sitting around in this shithole, I'm in." Blade said as he messed with one of his knives.

"Who knew you were so good at speeches." Wade said with a giggle, yanking (Y/n) away from Frank in his excitement, so he could jump around with her in his arms. "You're all gonna fucking die." Logan said before taking another swig of the liquor he'd been nursing. "Maybe, but atleast we'll have died fighting for something." (Y/n) retorted as she shrugged Wade off. "I'm coming as well." A fifth voice called out, as she entered from another room. Wade gasped in surprise, looking to Logan as he pointed to the girl. "That's X-23." He told him, but Logan didn't seem to care much. "Her names Laura." (Y/n) corrected Wade, who did a dramatic double take. "You know her?" He asked with a small tilt of his head. "She's a friend." (Y/n) told him with a faint grin, holding back a laugh when Wade shouted with excitement. "I don't know how you put up with him." Frank muttered. "He takes some getting used to, but he kinda just grows on you after a while." She said as she smiled to her husband. "Look I know you're not the Frank from my universe, but I just..." Her smile faded. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, and our boys." Her eyes drifted to the floor, the pair of them oblivious to what was going on around them. "Hey hey look at me." He encouraged as he tilted her head up. "I know you tried your hardest, he knows that you tried your hardest. Don't ever forget that." He kissed her forehead, before pulling her into his arms, her head tucked under his chin. "Thank you." She whispered softly, trying to ignore the tears welling in her eyes.

Previously | Next

[havethetouch]

Back on my bullshit because now that I have a longer vacation going on I can tackle this again, this time with feeling. Also I had a break in between bc I remembered and forgot to mention that I was out and about for almost a week living in a flat to babysit animals while their owners were out of the country but I had been yearning for the ceiling. After Time got away from me a bit got brainfogged suddenly realized it is September already wtf. If I hadn't liveblogged the ceiling shenanigans I might've misremembered when that started too. Anyway.

Previously on Touch's ceiling shenanigans

And right now we are here:

Ceiling skeleton. The support beams are all askew as fuck and jammed into the the walls on both sides. I have thermal plastering ready for it's call to action as one of the walls with the holes is an outer wall and the cold will crawl through and try to get me without proper insulation. I am also currently busy with removing everything that has been lying about in this room (before it was the storage room for when I freshly moved in so a lot of stuff just.. floating about) because the crossbars do not inspire confidence in me that they will not drop weirdly when I loosen them up lol I also bribed my auntie to take me a few villages over (I do not have a car) to get some more supplies for the removal of the distemper paint and shit to seal of cracks were the ceiling and walls meet. Also... there is a cable duct in the corner right over the space were the oven will go and I figured it might be for the best to pry open the wall to sink it and for that I needed a different kind of quick-drying plaster which was also acquired. And then I thought yeah well, get some of those parquet mini fix thingies.. you know the idk how it is called but basically there are some scratches and dents in the floor in need of some TLC and I know how sanding down parquet and resealing it properly works but I also know how much time and shit that takes and I might at some point say "it is time" but it ain't this year or the next for sure. So mini fixes it is for now. I also have a different endboss now in this entire thing because see... I have a second door in this room to the outside of my driveway. I just have this second entry point to my abode which will be very handy once I work with some of my materials that need a lot of ventilation and shit. But anyway so... Somewhen in the past there was flooding I know this there is plenty of visible evidence of it all over my home that there went water were it was not supposed to go. But nowhere is it more apparent than this door.

There used to be parquet in between (it's a double door) and just look how fucking thick my outside walls are fucks sake and my dad removed that because it looked like one step away from having you meet the underside of the building and filled that all up with concrete but nothing more than that. I think he wanted to seal the doorway up permanently at some point and I am glad he didn't because I adore the second entry point. But yeahhh this is a bit of damage. I misremembered how much bc I had to temp seal this off for a bit because mice kept sneaking through these two doors into the house last winter along with the cold. So it kinda slipped my mind how rotten the wooden frames are and how even the concrete on the sides is all fucked up. Got some work ahead on that one. There is also a massive black spider somewhere in the woodbeams that I only caught a glimpse of before she scuttled in there and at some point we will probably make eye contact when I remove the rotten wood :')

And yeh this is no longer just the ceiling but like I said, am on vacation now so I try to get everything wrapped up soon and that includes this entry door along with the floor. Cross fingers the spider does not jump me she looked like she could beat my ass.

[derekscorner]

Fated Rantings: Heaven's Felt

I have finished Heaven's Feel (all three films)

And hot damn what a story that was. As early as the first movie I found myself enjoying the route more than I did with Unlimited Blade Works.

It wasn't that strong a notion at first due to the first movie having to set up the story which means it had to retrace some moments from Fate or UBW. I was even disappointed that it just skimmed over Shirou meeting Saber for the first time.

I did expect it to skim some moments due to the nature of Fate/Stay Night. I said it previously but Fate/Stay Night was originally a visual novel (one that is getting a remaster for Steam/Switch as of me writing this) with multiple routes and endings. A staple of the visual novel format.

As a result each route has the same starting point. Some may feel it wear on them if they watch these back to back like I've done since last year.

Even so, I can't say it bothered me that much. Yes, Skimming over the summoning of Saber let me down a tad but the rest of the first movies opening act was decent. I liked seeing the different perspectives of the scenes I had saw in Unlimited Blade Works just a week ago.

It is also fair to mention that movies of a series typically expect you to have seen the thing it's based on to begin with.

Then the second half of the movie kicks in. The changes began rather quickly which I was thankful for. As soon as Kirei mentioned Kiritsugu's previous occupation and the 4th war I realized the story would shift- THEN BAM!

That Berserker battle. It was brief but that movie budget made it so good. It was then that I also noticed another change, the movies are more graphic than Zero or UBW.

In this movie, when Shirou takes a hit for Saber from Berseker, you see his guts fly out as he rolls around like a busted toy. It doesn't escalate to high but you do see inside of large cuts or severed limbs. And I am only praising it because it actually added to the horror-like atmosphere Heaven's Feel has.

All three movies feel like they were drawn to be a horror film in many scenes. The way the shadows bend or literally come alive, the way servants are mercilessly hunted by Angra Mainyu, or even the Sakura dream sequence only to learn she's eating people.

The gore just makes it hit harder how terrifying the situation is in Heaven's Feel.

Down 'n Dirty

The gore and horror presentation aside there was another factor I was curious about, the romance. Now some reading this may wonder why and others will think they know why and that has to do with Fate's reputation of hentai.

The original visual novel had hentai scenes in it, that is an objective truth. So did its canonical sequel Ataraxia. This was done because Nasu thought it would help sell the story and...well they were right.

The whole initial reason King Arthur was gender bent into a woman was also for this logic. He knew his native Japanese market and appealed to it.

Once Type-Moon got going those hentai scenes were removed. Later stories lacked it at all. Yes, the artwork and designs for characters is definitely made with sex appeal in mind but it's a far cry from where it started.

To be honest I find the whole thing fascinating because the series tendency for gender bending and "coomer" art is based in a writer just trying to appeal to the broadest audience.

They even use this for in-lore jokes quite often. For instance, the original draft of Fate/Stay Night, the world in which King Arthur is still a man, was reworked into Fate/Prototype years later.

They even do this fun thing where the voice actors for Merlin and female Artoria swap roles in Fate/Prototype. Female Arthur voices the female Merlin and the male Merlin now voices the male Arthur.

Some gender bends are literal jokes such as the female Nero Claudius (seen in the gif above^) who was gender swapped just to trick Fate fans into thinking Saber (Artoria) was in Fate Extra.

And others are that way because that historical figure was believed to be a woman or it was left ambiguous such as Nagao Kagetora.

Aka Nasu is very self aware of the Fate gender bending and porn jokes and plays into it.

Back to Romance

I went a bit off tangent there but I needed to explain that bit to focus on why the romance between Shirou & Sakura was a curiosity for me. In my desire to learn Fate lore I saw more than one video or fan comment quoting Nasu and others at Type-Moon.

One thing that stuck in my mind was that the initial Saber and Rin scenes were added just to balance it all but the scenes with Sakura were considered crucial to her plot.

I now understand why. No, before you ask, you do not get a hentai scene in Heaven's Feel. However, Heaven's Feel does fully commit to the physical nature that Sakura & Shirous relationship grows too.

Yes dear reader, Shirou gets laid. Get your middle school snickering out of your system, I'll wait.

The whole film just hammers home just how much Shirou existing means to Sakura. For them to go that far only seems natural, for her to hold on despite her horrible life makes sense.

This poor girl was violated years on end by crest worms as Zouken warped her into a fake grail. Her adoptive brother raped her for years on end just because he's a little shit with inferiority complexes.

Hell, Sakura is still traumatized by her father giving her to the Matou's in Fate/Zero.

Despite all that, even though she believes Shirou wouldn't want her for being so...um "damaged", he sticks by her side anyway. All together it makes that bond very genuine.

There's no forced melodrama or silly misunderstandings, just two kids trapped in a mess with no idea what to do.

A more complete Continuation

Even now I sit here in awe of it. I have sit through Fate 2006 and Unlimited Blade Works, two works in which Sakura is barely a passing note. Hell, even in Fate/Zero she's barely there but Heaven's Feel made me care.

It goes beyond that though. I found Heaven's Feel to be a better or more complete resolution to the mess left behind by the 4th Grail war depicted in Fate/Zero.

There are some questions I had throughout such as;

Why did Zouken summon Assassin in this route but not others?

Did a fragment of the grail survive in every route or is that a Heaven's Feel thing only?

Why didn't Rin have Shirou make the jeweled sword in UBW?

Why did Gilgamesh attack Sakura? Is he not for Kirei's plans in HF?

Small things like that. They don't break anything at all but I felt that I should mention them because I still think Heaven's Feel is a better continuation of Fate/Zero than Unlimited Blade Works despite such questions.

There is no grand reasoning for my feelings. I just liked that Heaven's Feel addressed things left behind in Fate/Zero more than Unlimited Blade Works did.

Such as Illya. She got so little time in UBW that I was a bit shocked. Even Fate 2006 gave her some attention. I mean, know each Fate work is a timeline of it's own but UBW and Heaven's Feel both heavily reference Zero.

All three were made by ufotable after all so it makes sense. Anime only fans may even see ufotable's adaptions as their own pocket in the Type-Moon multiverse.

I was sad her happy ending was to die but I can't help but feel slightly happy for her since she was shown running to Irisviel who's soul has been in the grail since Fate/Zero ended.

They even went out of their way to animate a scene that I can only assume was a minor one in the visual novel. It's a scene in which Illya over hears Fujimura talk about Kiritsugu's many trips to Europe. He failed her in many ways but he never stopped trying to see his daughter.

Then there was Rin. The story gave her less attention as I'd expect but I feel that it compliments how she's portrayed in UBW or even Fate 2006.

It was a nice touch that the one who made it possible to save Sakura was Rin. She has her own baggage about Sakura's life and while blunt and unable to relate to her trauma (by her own admission) she still got through to Sakura and all it took was letting her know that she loved her.

That's fucking beautiful man. Shirou even mumbles that they won due to Rin's actions.

There's also the aforementioned Kiritsugu. Shirou gets more insight into his fathers life and previous actions than other routes. It played into Kirei's obsession with him and Shirou's.

Shirou himself has a much more compelling arc in Heaven's Feel than UBW or even the Fate Route. Thanks to what he learns about his father he focuses on being a hero of justice but this time for Sakura.

His ideals aren't as foolish, they're focused. When he is focused on being one person's hero over everyone's he becomes a much more interesting character to me.

Hell, Zouken tries to convince him to kill Sakura at one point thinking that he'll do it because Kiritsugu would but no. Shirou acknowledges that he would betray his ideals for her .

That not only helps Sakura later but grows him way further than his fight with Archer in UBW did.

Seeing this I can understand why the "Miyuverse" Shirou is so loved.

I know I'm comparing routes but I can't help it. I'm sitting here conflicted because I liked this more than Saber's route. I am a Saber shill/simp at this point but I can't help but feel that Heaven's Feel is a better narrative conclusion.

Shirou is more compelling, I was made to like an ignored character, the story tackles some remnants of the 4th Grail such as Angra Mainyu whom we only saw hints of at the end of Fate/Zero, the grail system being destroyed at the end, etc.

It just feels tighter as a narrative to me. Although the reasons listed aren't the only explanations as to why.

No, the biggest contributing factor by far was Kirei himself.

Opposites

This man, this fucking monster, once again became far more interesting than he should be. I talked about him when I finished Fate/Zero which I'll link here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/post/737296248042815488/fated-rantings-ground-zero#notes

This man's obsession with Kiritsugu persisted for ten fucking years. Even now he can't accept him nor can he seem to accept the fact that they weren't as parallel as he believes.

All Kirei really gained from the 4th Grail War was realizing that he enjoys making others suffer. He's known from the start that he was broken inside but was cursed with the common sense to know it.

That contradiction is shown in his occupation. His whole tussle with Zouken and Assassin is badass to be sure. A 500yr old mage and a heroic spirit are fended off by this man, this fucked up preacher.

A badass to be sure but what caught my eye was him using scripture to harm Zouken. As far as I know, you can't just throw around scripture in Fate, you have to fundamentally believe in it to some degree.

Kirei is shown often genuinely reading his bible or kissing his cross. Actions that seem stupid when he makes it a hobby to ruin lives.

He goes on about how Angra Mainyu deserves to be born or about how something is neither good nor bad until it's gained knowledge. A solid argument but only when normal life is concerned.

Angra Mainyu is a man-made god, a devil, a focus of humanities evils into a spirit. All at the sacrifice of some unnamed boy centuries ago.

It was active during the 3rd Grail War, it's been very self aware within the Grail since then, and it's shown tormenting Kiritsugu and Illya.

Angra Mainyu is very much aware. It has knowledge, it is evil.

No, what Shirou calls him out on here saying "that's bullshit" is Kirei just wanting to see Angra Mainyu cause as much harm as possible...or so he thinks.

Personally I think that's half of it. The other half is Kirei's question. Although he should logically see that Angra Mainyu is evil by it's nature alone he still wants to know it's thoughts.

How does it feel to be born this way, how will it feel once it's fulfilled it's purpose, does it consider itself evil when humanity made it evil.

He feels compelled to know these things because he himself was born broken. Kirei knows deep down that nature is very much as real as nurture. No matter what he's done he's been broken.

He tried to love a woman but only cried because he felt that he should've killed her if she was meant to die. He had a loving father for whom no tear was shed when he was murdered.

He killed his mentor and aided Kairya just to see their torment. He told Shirou about Kiritsugu to see his reaction because he, like Zouken, thought Shirou was the same.

He fully believes that witnessing Angra Mainyu be born will answer his own burning questions about his nature when there is nothing to answer.

Angra Mainyu is man-made, nothing it can say can truly rectify Kirei's broken soul.

His Parallel was a Boy

The point, as I understood it, was that Kirei couldn't get his answers from Kiritsugu. His obsession, how he talks about him to Shirou, he never got over that.

Then he saw the grail. It even revived him from death but that won't give him the answer either. Even if he had witnessed its birth.

It is only at the end when he fighting a child that Kirei finds his true opposite. Shirou has nothing due to the 4th war, he considers his survival a sin.

Kirei considers his entire existence a sin yet he says it himself. They're opposite extremes of that same emptiness. I was frequently reminded of Fate/Zero because Kirei was.

Kirei died in that last war and was stuck in time in more ways than one. There is no way to answer or fix him.

It's damn poetic that both Kirei and Shirou realize something by admitting how unlike Kiritsugu Shirou has become. A fitting finale to a compelling monster.

This whole time Kirei's true opposite was a boy.

Finale

I'm sure I had more to say but I don't think this can get much longer. Plus some things weren't worth whole paragraphs. Such as my love for the battles and animation.

The small things like Shirou calling Archer a dick when he chucks him down like a sack of potatoes. Hell, Archer's entire arc this film is neat to see due to how passive he is. When Shirou is willing to be Sakura's hero or save Illya Archer's attitude changes on a dime. To the point that he'd even give up a literal arm.

I loved seeing Rider get more lines and screen time. She has a decent character that I now wish I got more of in other Fate works.

Then there's the whole Saber Alter and her battle....I can't. The fight is fucking amazing but just picturing Shirou ending her hurts me. TuT

Oh well, I'm ranted out now. Bye~

=======================

For my other experiences with Fate go here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/tagged/fated-rantings

[unhetalia]

jealous England sounds fun until he realizes america truly has no clue when someone is flirting with him or not. I mean how is England going to woo him in the future?

I could never say how these two get together but in terms of what I like to read (and don't get enough of) I always ALWAYS want Arthur rescuing Alfred so that would be fun to think about...

Also, it kind of goes against any previous "Arthur badly courting Alfred" headcanons that I've previously talked about but recently my mind has flipped to a different relationship scenario between Arthur and Alfred.

Arthur is still a horndog who has way more sex than anyone expects (except Francis, who has been accidentally Arthur's best friend for many years).

Alfred, on the flipside, is either a virgin or someone who has sex very very rarely. Exclusively into men (does he know?), very demisexual. Doesn't have much interest in sex, but this is because he's either never been a good match with the men he's had sex with or, if he's a virgin, it just doesn't seem like it'll be that interesting.

Arthur has never seen Alfred as someone to be sexually interested in BECAUSE he's so busy living in the past aka wishing for the times that Alfred was a child.

Alfred is the one who has been in love with Arthur since before his revolution. I like the headcanon people have that his bid for independence was his attempt at getting Arthur to see him as an equal. (It doesn't work.)

It's near-modern times. Maybe late 90s or early 2000s, Alfred is VERY used to unrequited love. He and Arthur are... cordial, but they have different circles.

It's something that hurts Alfred a lot. How Arthur was never interested in Alfred when he grew up. Arthur only ever wanted a colony - and apparently Alfred wasn't even a colony Arthur considered important. He knows Arthur and India were together for a long time, and Alfred sees the longing looks they still throw at each other. She tells Alfred she's completely over Arthur, but how can you date someone for 50 years* and look at them like THAT and have it be "nothing"?

Then we have one of the bits that changes for me, depending on what fic I want. Something needs to happen to get Arthur to see Alfred as he is. I've talked about this before, but in previous posts I've always gone: friends -> fall in love -> get over revolution hang ups -> end up together. NOW, for England, I want to change it up to: get over revolution hang ups -> friends/fall in love (these two are interchangeable to me for England) -> lovers. Meanwhile, Alfred's journey is: fall in love -> everything else (I find his journey can be more flexible).

SO what can make Arthur get over himself? I think it would need to be something big that'll shake him up a little. Alfred-in-distress is one way. Arthur realises how much he wants to save Alfred-the-Nation, and not just who Alfred-the-Colony ended up being.

OR, with the jealousy theme we've been having: another Nation starts pursuing Alfred, and Arthur is forced to see Alfred as an object of desire for someone else, which then jiggles something loose inside him and allows him to see Alfred as someone who is incredibly desirable.

Alas, in the new ... dynamic? Timeline? that I have for these two, Arthur doesn't do any wooing - even when he does fall for Alfred, or becomes jealous of others wanting Alfred, he'll desperately want that shit HIDDEN, and will be glad Alfred's oblivious.

Them actually ending up together needs to somehow happen without planning. At this point in time I've thought myself into a corner with these two. The world might need to be near-ending before the feelings get squeezed out in the open.

[gingerjolover]

Hidden Meanings - Josette Maskin x fem!reader (MUNA)

Sypnosis: Soft!gf reader always gifts flowers for Jo with hidden meanings <3

G's notes: surpriseeee shawtaaayyyyyy, not really edited oops, don't bring up my sleep schedule, okay? mind ur business

WC: somewhere around 1500 words (i won't apologize)

Warnings: RPF, tooth-rotting fluff, brief mentions of anxiety, some kissin', no fundamental physical descriptors except hair that can be pushed out of face?

Jo can’t recall when you started giving her flowers, but they soon realized it was your love language, always gifting flowers with hidden meanings, loving words scribbled on cards wedged between stems and leaves. 

At first, Jo thought it was silly. No one had ever gotten them flowers besides graduations or bullshit anniversaries with girls she can't remember now. But after the third bouquet, left on the counter when you dropped off breakfast for her before heading to work, knowing they had an extended studio session ahead, Jo realized there was meaning behind every bunch stuffed in a mason jar. (Yes, she did use Google Lens to find out that the flowers you left them were Gardenias, and yes, they did call you out for giving them flowers instead of you just saying that you wanted to be more than friends). 

Hydrangeas

It’s still early in your relationship, and you are still not completely open with one another, both afraid to label it because it feels different than any relationship you’ve been in before. It’s too early when it happens - the dreaded breakdown and panic attack. Your inability to control your cries and breathing causes Jo to scoop you up in her arms, rubbing your back nice and slow to calm you down. Josette understands the embarrassment, texting you that “it happens to everyone,” “don’t be embarrassed,” and “when you’re ready, I’ll be here.” But no matter how kind and empathetic Jo was, you can’t face her, worried they’ll see through the veil you’ve crafted over the years with maximum effort. 

Maybe it's cowardly, maybe Jo will find it weird, but you send a bouquet. You had given Jo flowers before, small bunches of flowers to say the things you weren’t quite ready to speak out loud, and Jo hadn’t taken the initiative to ask what they had meant, only appreciating the gift as it was. 

This time, it’s fresh hydrangeas, blues, pinks, and purples, paying a pretty penny to have them delivered to your… partner? girlfriend? The person you’re seeing? It's really still up in the air. 

You were anxiously biting your lips and the skin on your thumb, watching the order go from ‘on its way’ to ‘delivered,’ heat spreads in your chest, and not in a good way. One hour passes, then two, and Jo doesn't call. 

This is it: they saw the flowers, and they’re ghosting you because who has a panic attack in front of the person they’re seeing and then goes MIA for 3 days but still sends flowers? You’re lying on the floor when a knock sounds, groaning and getting up; the last person you expect to see is a beaming Jo, ambushing you with a hug, her face pressed in your neck, mumbling, “I’ve missed you”. 

You welcome the affection, squeezing them back tightly.

“The flowers were beautiful… they’re different from the ones you’ve given me before,” Jo says, noting the random bouquets you’ve gifted previously. 

“The ones I sent were hydrangeas… they um–” you trail off, wondering if the reasoning behind them is as embarrassing as sending them in the first place.

“They what?” Jo asks inquisitively. 

“They represent gratitude– uh– gratitude for being understood. I don’t know why I didn't answer for a few days. I guess I just thought I messed everything up, but–” Jo cuts you off with another hug. “That's the mushiest thing I’ve ever heard, and it makes me want to kiss you. Can I kiss you?” Jo asks excitedly, a wide smile taking over her face. Your nod is sheepish before Jo cupped your cheeks and placed the firmest and sweetest kiss on your lips, blushing at the thoughtfulness behind the flower choice and your softness. 

Irises, Yellow Pansies

The first time Jo goes on tour, you struggle. You know it, Jo knows it, hell– Katie and Naomi know it. Since becoming exclusive and official, you’ve gotten more comfortable expressing how utterly obsessed you are with your partner. Still giving flowers here and there so you can see the bashful blush spread across Jo’s face, their eyes widening and shining bright when you press a kiss to her cheek. It’s a sight you’re missing awfully since Jo has been gone. Facetime, texting, and watching their life through Instagram can only do so much.

You coordinate a special delivery, find out where to send a delivery to the venue, and pay extra for the flower shop to take your handwritten note (that you scanned and emailed; yes, it was a process) so that the note looks like you wrote it yourself. Katie is texting you updates; sitting on the couch, biting your lip, you answer the Facetime, her smiling face close to the screen. 

“They just got delivered, so I’m bringing them to Josie now,” Katie schemes. You can’t help but giggle; Katie quickly becoming a member of your support system and the #1 fan of your relationship with Jo. 

“Thanks, Katie,” you say gratefully, smiling at the redhead as she huffs, walking across the venue with the large flower bag.

“What do these mean again? You do that, right? Give Jo different flowers because they mean stuff. These are irises,” Katie asks, making you giggle, your shared love of gardening and botany having helped bloom your friendship.

“Irises use to mean sending a message, and the pansies are ‘thinking of you’…” you say softly, knowing how cheesy that sounds. 

Katie snorts, “that’s mushy…but cute”. 

“That’s what Jo calls it too…” you reply. 

Katie looks at you, scrunching her eyebrows in inquisition. 

“Mushy.”

Katie laughs again, “Well, Jo will love them because they’re from you…ooh hold on, I’m going in now….SPECIAL DELIVERY,” Katie calls out in a dramatic voice, the phone getting propped on a table in front of Jo.

“Hi baby!” they say excitedly, watching the screen intently as they blow you a kiss, grunting when Katie drops the bouquet in their hands. 

“Stop spending money on me!” Jo yells playfully, laughing as they unwrap the bouquet, quieting down as they see the flowers for the first time, a sad smile taking the place of the previously goofy one.

“What do these mean?” Jo whispers, staring at you. 

“I just…I miss you a lot,” you whisper back. 

Red Camellias, Pink Carnations, Red Tulips 

Jo has gotten pretty good at figuring out what the flowers you give them represent. (No, Jo hasn’t told you that she uses Google Lens, and you’ll never know because Jo loves the smile on your face when you think they’ve guessed it correctly).

Your love for Jo has manifested in many bouquets: daisies, red roses, apple blossoms, red carnations, edelweiss…the list goes on and on. Jo’s favorite was a particular bouquet she received on June 1st, a beautiful bunch of orange lilies and amaryllis with some baby’s breath sprinkled in. Jo remembers the goofy smile on your face when you told her that baby’s breath signified sincerity and love and that orange lilies and amaryllis represented pride. “Happy Pride!” you said, smacking a wet kiss on her cheek, making Jo chuckle and tackle you onto the bed, hands pinning your own above your head, tickling you with one hand, laughing between pushing kisses on your neck. 

Jo feels like the only person in the world every time, but there’s something different now. It’s been many years since that first bouquet, offhandedly shoved in a mason jar with the excuse, “They were pretty, and I thought you’d like them,” accompanied by a shrug. It’s not just an anniversary, and you’re not just some girlfriend; you’ve created a home, started building a life together, and you’re even dog parents.  

Jo stares at the bundle of flowers, having received all of these flowers separately before. But there’s something about how you’re looking at Jo, the slight glassiness of your eyes, your shy smile, and the wringing of your hands that alerts her to something else. 

“These are almost as pretty as you,” Josette teases, kissing the corner of your mouth, giving you their signature smirk and widening eyes combo. There’s something exceptionally soft about you tonight, and Jo wonders if you’re picking up on the nervousness they’ve shoved so deep down, hoping you don’t think something is off. 

“Happy Anniversary,” you mumble softly, Jo’s grin widening at your blushing cheeks; she can practically feel the heat radiating off your skin. Jo wraps their arms around you, kissing your neck gently before pushing your hair out of your face. “You okay?” Jo asks, abnormally serious, kissing your nose and cheek softly, barely grazing the skin. 

“Mhm, just…love you a lot, thank you for sticking by me… thank you for loving me,” you breathe out, staring into Jo’s eyes is mesmerizing. 

Jo feels a lump in their throat form; the small velvet box in their back pocket suddenly weighs a ton, the gravity of the situation sinking in. “You’re easy to love,” Jo mumbles, connecting your lips, your sweet hums against their lips is music to their ears, hands sliding around your back, pulling you flush against their body. 

“I got something for you too… I just hope you like it,” Jo says nervously, still smirking softly.

[lilac-amethyst-skies]

Hello !! I didn't know if your request were open so feel free to ignore this. The scenario is quite specific, I hope you don't mind.

Can I ask headcanons for Ludwig and Arthur (separately)? They had an s/o in the past who was incredibly important as a member of some type of royalty (it could be when they were teens or the time you prefer), and both had a forbidden love type of romance. Years passed since the reader died just to casually find them reincarnated in just a simply janitor or any common job around the building.

I imagine them trying to convince their s/o desperately, saying she had a past life as an important member of society and hoping they'll bring the memories back, but the reader doesn't believe them? Or just laughs innocently because she doesn't understand a single thing.

Sorry if this is weird, if it works better as a drabble you can do it. I just wanted to free my mind from this though, thank you! Have a great day💕

Germany, England X Reader Lover from a Past Life

Germany; Ludwig’s day was nothing short of an intense whirlwind of meetings, demands, and far too many expectations. As such, his mind followed his fast-paced day, thoughts seemingly running thousands of miles a minute. Though, if there was anything that Ludwig was good at, it was working under pressure. He worked seamlessly throughout his day and the people around him were truly none-the-wiser.

But now the end of the day was here, and Ludwig was ready to go home.

His bag was packed with the necessary papers, anything he might need at a convenient moment’s notice, and now he was making a brisk walk toward the exit of the building.

And Ludwig was nearly there when he collided with something—or rather, someone.

Much to his dismay, Ludwig realized that his desire to get out of the workplace had blinded him of other surroundings. Guilt flooded him as he dared to look at the woman who had been knocked down onto the floor. Her head was hung a bit low, and her stunned silence only made him feel worse.

Apologies tumbled from his mouth, embarrassment hot on his tongue. Ludwig reached for her and gently found her at her feet.

The moment she lifted her head to a reasonable height, he froze. She was speaking, but he couldn’t hear a single word she said. She sounded polite, kind, apologetic—even though he was the one that surely ran into her.

But none of that mattered now that Ludwig could see what she looked like.

The truth of what he was seeing was an undeniable truth. A face that he hadn’t seen in centuries time. And as steady and sure as Ludwig came to be, this was more than enough to break his inner calm. Memories of the past writhed within the confines of his mind, and how was it that he was feeling his heart shatter all over again? Had he so soon forgotten his love until now? Surely not, but to see her now and here in the flesh all over again—Ludwig thought he was going to be sick.

Heavy pressure weighed against his chest and the tension in his jaw would start a headache if he allowed it to go on any longer.

These following scene of events only lasted a few seconds, but to Ludwig everything moved horrendously slow. His body felt odd and agitatedly hot, but he knew the longer he sat frozen the more awkward this would be. Without thinking or trying to pull apart what she had said previously, Ludwig spoke the first thing that came out of his mouth—even though he knew how much her answer would hurt.

“Do I know you from somewhere?”

There was a hopeful glint at the end of his sentence, but Ludwig knew the truth whether he wanted to believe it or not. And as such, she very politely made a face of thought, wracking her brain in an effort to pull some pieces together that she may have missed.

Surprisingly, after some thought, a look of immediate recognition lit up her face.

“Oh! You know I think I may have seen you from somewhere!” Ludwig’s body was suddenly filled with something akin to electricity. His eyes grew brightly warm and he could barely control the tremor in his hands. Regardless, Ludwig did his best to keep his voice steady.

“Really?”

He couldn’t believe it. Could she really remember? Could this really be her from so long ago—

“Yes! I took the new receptionist position here and I’ve only been here a few weeks, but I think I remember seeing you when I first arrived! We haven’t officially met, but I’m sure we’ve crossed paths before.”

Ludwig’s heart immediately sank like a cinderblock smashing rock bottom to the ocean floor. Yes, now, he was sure. His heart was breaking again.

“R-right—right. I’m sure that’s it,” Ludwig did what he does best, and shoved it down in the moment, “It was a pleasure to meet you. I hope you settle in well.”

His robotic kindness earned a smile from her, which did make him feel a little better.

“Thank you, it was great meeting you. See you around! Oh, and sorry again for not looking where I was going…”

“No, no it’s fine. I should have been paying better attention.”

At that, she cordially laughed a bit and went on her way and so did he.

Ludwig realized having her working in the same building as him would prove to be one of the greatest challenges of his life.

England; Arthur hadn’t hesitated to show as a guest speaker for a lecture at the local university. He valued education and the moment he saw (mostly) eager-faced youth in the lecture hall, he was filled with a sense of purpose again. He understood that in a way, he was a living, breathing piece of history to his nation, and there was no better way to learn about the past than speaking with someone who was actually there.

Though of course, this feeling of excitement that set his mind and body alight was kept on the inside. On the outside, he was pristinely stoic and dare he say—intellectual. He had to keep face and not appear too eager because that was best left for the university-aged students in front him. Or at least, that’s what he was telling himself.

Arthur had gone above and beyond. He created a clever presentation matched with opportunities for students to interact, and brought an entire bag of artifacts and other pieces of the past.

He also made the age-old joke that he too, along with these items, probably belonged in a museum somewhere and not in his house.

The class laughed and it further spurred him on.

Needless to say, it went smoothly and sooner than later Arthur was packing his bag of things at the front of the classroom. He stayed behind a bit for any extra questions, but eventually all of the students filtered out. The professor had offered to walk him out, but Arthur politely declined.

Arthur got a bit lost in the set of manuscripts he had brought for the class, deciding to look through them a little longer. As such, he was left alone.

A few more minutes passed when Arthur heard one of the chairs from the very back of the room move against the floor. On instinct Arthur looked up to find a young woman promptly cleaning desks and chairs.

She must be a janitor for the university, Arthur reasoned.

She must not have noticed him quite yet. Either that, or she had no interest in making note of his presence.

He didn’t care about this all too much and planned to continue on with what he was doing—until she moved just a bit closer.

The moment her face came into view, his heartbeat thrummed heavily in his ears. Arthur was immediately out of breath, shakily setting the manuscripts down. All of his nerves and senses suddenly felt stripped bare, and he felt aghast and entirely uncomfortable. He feared the thoughts spilling haphazardly in his brain were about to waterfall out of his mouth, onto the floor in the space between them.

Arthur could only blame the presentation that he just gave—that it placed him in the headspace of a past life that everyone else had left behind except him. As was the curse of every Nation, they were always left behind while the world continued onward.

And so, he spoke without thinking. Arthur spoke in a desperation that he’d buried years ago that only now had its chance to see the light of present day.

“___.”

Her name came out first in a whisper—he hadn’t spoken that name in so long. It felt dangerously sweet on his tongue and he couldn’t believe he’d ever have the chance to say it again.

“___!” Arthur spoke a little louder this time, but still couldn’t bring himself to move from his spot, but words continued to spill.

“I—I can’t believe…that it’s you! I would have never thought I’d find you again or—or here like this. But that doesn’t matter! All that matters is that you’re here with me, love,” finally Arthur moved from behind the desk toward her, and she must have noticed because now because her head snapped toward Arthur in surprise.

They were looking at each other now, and Arthur thought he could cry.

“ ___, do you remember? Do you remember me? I’m sure you do, you have to. I—"

It was now that he noticed the pair of wireless headphones in her ears. Had she even heard a single word he just said?

She scrambled to pull one of the earbuds out.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, I didn’t even realize anyone else was in here! You actually gave me quite a scare,” she put her hand over her chest to emphasize her fright.

Arthur could only stand silent as reality and reason took over his previous fantasy.

“I’m so sorry, sir, were you trying to talk to me? My music was turned up so loud I couldn’t hear a thing.”

Finally, Arthur snapped out of it, but only enough as to not be considered rude.

“No, it’s quite alright. I—” Arthur thought for a moment, “…I was letting you know that I would be leaving.”

As expected, she politely told him to take his time. And so, Arthur collected the rest of his things and left, entirely not ready to unpack all of the feelings and memories now stirring inside of him.

|||

a/n: ok real talk, I saw this ask in my inbox and I was SO excited about writing for this!!!! Thank you for the awesome ask; it was a blast to write! <3

[1dmonthlyficroundup]

— 1D Monthly Fic Roundup —

Hi, and welcome to the 1D Monthly Fic Roundup for June 2023! Below you’ll find 1D fics that were all published this month in the order they were submitted to the blog. We hope you’ll check out these new fics! If you would like to submit your own fic, please check this post on how to submit or visit our blog @1dmonthlyficroundup​. You can find all our other posts here.

Happy reading!

＊ routine surveillance  by @disgruntledkittenface [E, 2k, Harry/Louis]

Harry’s training period for the Bureau consists of routine surveillance. One night, it becomes a little less routine.

＊ you wanna be on top? by @disgruntledkittenface [NR, 6k, Zayn/Louis]

“This is going to be a challenge for me.”

“Why?” Mr. Jay asks. Zayn can picture him, crossing his arms over his chest, a challenging gleam in his eye, but probably with a glossy smile.

“It looks like she’s kind of boyish? And, like, dorky, you know what I mean?”

Niall pushes Zayn lightly as someone holds the curtain open and she has to plaster on a smile as she walks out into the room. The raspy voice belongs to a brunette standing next to Mr. Jay, and Zayn almost stumbles in her stupid ankle boots when she sees how beautiful she is. Her high cheekbones rival Zayn’s, she has piercing blue eyes, and her lips… Well, Zayn probably shouldn’t think too much about them while she’s on camera.

Zayn’s experience as a contestant on America’s Next Top Model left her more than a little traumatized. She thinks she knows what to expect when she lets herself be talked into making an appearance on the show a couple of years later.

Louis manages to surprise her.

＊ Livin' In A Daydream by @lululawrence [NR, 3k, Louis/Harry]

See, Harry had learned his lesson. In order to protect Louis’ clothing and ensure everything was able to be thoroughly washed the first time, Harry had to go through each item individually. He would never be able to forgive himself if he didn’t go through the basketful and then he accidentally destroyed a beloved band shirt or something.

One line from the song Harry had previously been humming was now stuck in his mind on repeat, but it wasn’t bothering him yet so he allowed it to stay for the moment. The words he knew flowed with the music, and he subconsciously tried to figure out the missing lyrics as he mindlessly went through Louis’ laundry, until it all came to a screeching halt.

Harry originally had thought that the sock he had pulled out was just another one of Louis’ sport socks he left balled up, but when Harry pulled the cuff out, he realized the actual sole of the sock felt… crusty.

＊ Quite the Pickle by @lululawrence [NR, 1k, Louis/Harry/Nick Grimshaw]

Nick hated pickles. It was an entire thing for him and he used to get into arguments all the time when his mum insisted he could just remove them and the sandwich would be fine without them.

She never seemed to understand. The flavor was still left behind because of the juices. The scent was still there. The pickle was never fully removed. Not successfully. And now one was sitting on the plate, almost touching his perfectly pickle free sandwich, all whilst leaking it’s flavor and scent all over his chips.

Good thing there happened to be a pregnant man with a craving nearby.

＊ A Cure for First Show Nerves by @haztobegood [E, 776 words, Louis/Harry]

Harry calls before Louis' first show.

＊ waving to the hard times by @beardyboyzx [NR, 80k, Harry/Louis]

“When you took power, you promised the people equality, freedom from any form of discrimination, and the peace we were severely lacking. Today, once again, you're proving yourself to be a fake, a clown who rose to power just to think about himself.” Louis turns to look at the General once again and finds himself staring at the way his face seems scrunched up in pure and unadulterated rage. “But we — the people, have had enough of you and your barbarity.” Taking a step forward, the person raises his carbine and points it at the balcony. The crowd gasps and Louis takes his gun out of its holder and points it right back at them. “We've had enough. We're not gonna ask you to stop anymore. We're gonna make you.”

Twenty-five years ago, a group of alpha soldiers led a revolution to dispose of the beta oppressive monarchy. Louis Tomlinson, the General’s alpha nephew, is set to follow in his footsteps and eventually lead the Country. When the arrest of a beta brings a silent resistance group to show themselves and threaten The General, Louis finds himself questioning the government's true nature and the equality of the law, in a quest that will change him for good.

＊ in my head we can love forever by @beardyboyzx [E, 1k, Louis/Harry]

It's official: this is creepy. She's creepy. It's not like anything is going to happen just because Louis is a lesbian too. Harry's got to stop touching herself while thinking about her roommate.

Except that she can't.

Or: Harry might be a bit in love with her roommate.

＊ See the Light by Stria / @nooradeservedbetter [E, 6k, Harry/Louis]

Luckily for him, Louis doesn’t seem to mind. “Tell you what, love,” he says. He gets the pen on the counter, scribbles some numbers on the back of his receipt. “Here’s my number, and we can talk more about the purposes of a leash.” He winks, and then saunters away, bag in hand. Harry looks at his arse the whole time.

AKA the filthiest thing I've ever written.

＊ Like a Fire Burning in Your Veins by Stria / @nooradeservedbetter [E, 2k, Louis/Harry]

But first kinks are never forgotten, so to speak, and Harry can’t help but go back to them, alone and with Louis, over and over again. Can’t help but ask for bruises and pinches and slaps, can’t help but get on his knees in a bathroom stall, mouth full of dick while Louis bites on his fingers to avoid screaming.

(Or, the one with the pain.)

＊ Cool Kids Never Have The Time by wordsnnotes / @quelsentiment [T, 6k, Zayn/Louis]

“Meet Zayn. He's here to fix our immaturity problem,” Louis says in a clearly mocking tone.

Or: Zayn auditions to join a band and makes a bad first impression on their bassist.

＊ Inner Crisis by @neondiamond [G, 5k, Louis/Harry]

Louis calls an LGBTQ+ crisis hotline after coming out as asexual to his friends and family doesn’t quite go as well as he’d hoped. Harry answers his call.

＊ Chasing Feelings by @neondiamond [M, 20k, Harry/Louis]

When homicide detective Louis Tomlinson first gets assigned to work with detective Harry Styles, the newest addition to the Doncaster police station, on the biggest case of his career, he’s less than enthused about it. There’s a serial killer on the loose, and Louis has no time to waste working with a newbie, despite how attracted his inner Alpha may be to Harry’s sweet scent. Along the way, he finds he may have been too quick to judge the Omega.

＊ Ahead in the Count by @kingsofeverything [E, 2k, Louis/Harry]

Louis’s been a catcher in the minor leagues for more than a decade and he’s never known a pitcher to touch his junk more often than he touches the baseball.

Harry Styles, however, threw 117 pitches tonight, and adjusted himself 228 times.

＊ Bitter Ends Turn Sweet by @allwaswell16 [E, 30k, Louis/Harry]

It had been four years since Harry first heard the song his ex wrote about him and far longer since they broke up. He forgave Louis long ago, and now his life was focused on his career, his family, and especially his son, Max. But Louis was back in Chicago, after all this time, and he’s not an easy man to ignore.

Or a songfic inspired by the song Chicago

＊ All This Time by @allwaswell16 [T, 1k, Louis/Harry]

Louis Tomlinson had been best friends with flower shop owner Gemma Styles for years. It wasn't until she suggested he date her alpha brother that he ever thought of Harry that way. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea...

＊ the embers are new by @nouies [NR, 3k, Louis/Harry]

Louis is a dragon vet whose life is changed after a long trip.

＊ Fingertips Putting on a Show by cherrylarry / @beelou [E, 2k, Harry/Louis]

Harry just wants a relaxing self love session in the bathtub when she gets interrupted by a knock on her door.

＊ let's get naked and explore (our inner secrets) by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed [E, 8k, Zayn/Louis]

Louis’ name flashes on his screen and Zayn frowns at the phone before accepting the call and putting it on speaker. “Lou?”

“Don’t you mean daddy?” Louis asks, and Zayn fumbles with his phone, quickly taking it off speaker and putting in his airpods even before he’s consciously registered what Louis has said.

“What?” he hisses, his cheeks red with embarrassment, but even when he takes out one airpod to listen he can’t hear anything in the hallway, no giggling sisters or horrified mothers indicating that he’s been overheard. “Jesus, Lou, give me a warning next time.” It’s not as though both of them haven't ever started conversations about kink at random before, but here? Now?

Louis doesn’t chuckle, the way Zayn expects him to. Instead he sounds a little confused, or at least careful. “You’re the one that started it?”

“I did not!” Zayn insists hotly, squirming a little bit in the bed because he knows that he hadn’t, but he can’t lie, there’s a part of him that is a little intrigued.

Or: Zayn and Louis figure out a new kink with the help of good ol' autocorrect.

＊ the missing piece that makes me fit by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed [T, 17k, Zayn/Louis/Liam]

Liam is exactly Zayn's type. And Zayn is exactly Liam's type.

So it makes perfect sense for Louis to set them up.

Unfortunately, he fails to take into account that they're both also exactly his type.

＊ we will get another day (to begin again) by we_are_the_same / @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed [T, 1k, Zayn/Liam]

“There’s a ton of health benefits to it, look.”

Zayn gives Liam an unimpressed stare. He doesn’t even acknowledge the phone in his hand. “I don’t care if it makes me immortal, Leeyum, I’m not going to take a freaking ice bath at six in the morning.”

＊ Voyeur Eyes Only by yeah_alright / @uhoh-but-yeah-alright [E, 1k, Louis/OT5]

For Wankers Day, Louis offers his clients a glimpse through the glory hole. Look but don’t touch never felt so good.

＊ Some Records Turnin’ by crimsontheory / @ireallysawanangel [E, 49k, Louis/Harry]

“Harry, dear,” Niall said cheerily, his arms ladened down with more boxes they’d received from their shipment earlier that day. “I promise this isn’t a prank, but Louis Tomlinson is sitting in our office.”

“I know,” Harry replied, using his hip to close the drawer of the cash register. “I let him back there.”

“Wait,” Niall said as he sat the boxes in his arms down on the counter and then held up his hands with his palms facing out towards Harry. “You mean to tell me that this man who you have a massive crush on is in our store right now and you’re just letting him sit back there by himself and not trying to shoot your shot?”

Or, Harry is a soft alpha who owns a record store and Louis is a closeted singer omega masquerading as an alpha who randomly stumbles into Harry’s store.

＊ Pegging in Pain by larry_hiatus / @larry-hiatus [E, 4k, Louis/Harry]

Harry loves the creativity of his fans when it comes to the signs they bring to his shows, and he tries to react to as many of the ones he likes as he can. When Louis finds about one cheeky sign, though, Harry’s reaction comes back to bite him in the ass.

＊ Trapezing Secret by thinlines / @thinlinez [E, 10k, Harry/Louis]

This job was supposed to be his secret. No one was supposed to find out.

“Woah.”

Harry dropped the two rubbish bags in his hands. One of the bags must have contained some spilled juice or sauce because he could feel wetness seeping into his ballet flats.

Louis’ hand which had been stuffed into his windbreaker pocket revealed itself as the alpha held up his fist to knuckle at his eyes. He blinked rapidly before he rubbed at his eyes again and squinted.

“Harold?”

OR What will happen when your lazy coworker slash biggest knothead you know discovers your secret? Omega Harry doesn't get the time to ponder his answer.

＊ Write You A Song by Rearviewdreamer / @all-these-larrythings [G, 5k, Louis/Harry]

Harry’s new flat is great but the acoustics are even better. They’re so good in fact that his daily shower concerts start to entertain an audience besides his shampoo bottle.

＊ It's Written All Over Your Face - Say It by larry_hiatus / @larry-hiatus [E, 10k, Harry/Louis]

Harry has been a brat all day, and Louis can’t seem to figure out why. When he does though, he delivers a punishment Harry won’t forget.

＊ Hold Me Tight (Or Don’t) by @hellolovers13 [E, 13k, Louis/Harry]

Falling in love with Louis is easy enough. Separating Louis from the singer persona Harry has been a fan of for years, however, is not.

But she's not the only one making assumptions.

＊ The Pros and Cons of Breathing by @hellolovers13 [E, 81k, Harry/Louis]

Omega Harry has always known he'd be married off someday, so when he's betrothed to Prince Louis, he's anxious about having to leave his life behind, but hopeful for a happy marriage.

The hope doesn't last long, with his husband avoiding him at all costs and Harry being left to fend for himself.

Can he find happiness even in a broken marriage?

＊ Something Secret by @hellolovers13 [E, 3k, Louis/Harry]

The Pros and Cons of Breathing - Companion

Eternity starts with a pink rose.

＊ Til the Afterglow by @hellolovers13 [E, 8k, Harry/Louis]

When Harry goes into heat in a random hotel room a thousand miles from home, there's more than one Alpha offering his help.

＊ It's Alright If It Makes You Feel Alive by larry_hiatus / @larry-hiatus [E, 13k, Louis/Zayn]

Louis has only ever been a dom when it comes to bedroom activities, but after seeing his boyfriend Harry get dominated by Zayn during their threesome, Louis asks Zayn to fulfill a secret wish of his.

＊ Teach Me Your Ways by elsi_bee / @elsi-bee [E, 34k, Louis/Harry]

Based on the following prompt: Omega Harry is the newly appointed sex ed teacher and uptight Alpha Louis does not approve of his very open methods. A rivalry ensues until Harry unravels him behind closed doors.

＊ Pageant Material by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13 [G, 6k, Zayn/Louis]

Louis flicks a nearby switch, lighting the bulbs around his mirror in a soft glow. The buttery yellow catches on the edges of his cheekbones, sharpening the dip. He looks more grown up this year. Some of his baby fat has melted away, and he sucks in his cheeks to see what he might look like by twenty five if this pattern continues. Then he crosses his eyes and sticks out his tongue.

Or, the Zouis teen beauty pageant AU.

＊ The Way to My Heart by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13 [T, 6k, Louis/Harry]

Louis' having a bit of a dry spell, until he bumps into an attractive alpha in the supermarket and leaves with his number. It was a hard bump. Very... muscular.

The only problem is, said alpha asks Louis to cook for him - which is not exactly his skill set.

＊ you are my destiny (you are the reason that i still believe) by @alwaysxlarrie [M, 98k, Harry/Louis]

Being a new employee at a company means that you have to learn to brush off the shitty bosses, shitty coworkers, and not getting the credit you actually deserve for things. At least, that's been Harry Styles' experience. Coworkers who steal his ideas in pursuit of getting praise and a raise, and a boss who's indifferent at best and condescending at worst. Harry has learned to expect this reality for the foreseeable future. He's accepted it.

What he hadn't expected was for Louis Tomlinson to waltz into their company, and his life, and change around everything he thought he knew about fate. A Cinderella AU.

＊ So Be Good For Goodness Sake by Kikiberoski16 / @larrysballetslippers [E, 3k, Louis/Harry]

Moving his fingers alongside the elastic, Louis’ eyes got darker again. “Did you like my dick down your throat?”

“Yes, daddy, I’m sorry.” A whimper escaped him, he wasn’t ready for a spanking at all, especially not in a broom closet.

Harry felt his pants go down his legs in one go. “That big new plug I got for you, did that feel good?”

Or, Louis picks Harry's outfit for their TV appearance and adds a little surprise.

＊ Lost In This Craze For You by Kikiberoski16 / @larrysballetslippers [E, 4k, Harry/Louis]

A frown formed on his face, he just wanted to talk. Zayn promised him Harry wasn’t mad, but reality seemed different. “Harry! Please!” Louis knocked hard on the door, it creaked and opened slightly.

Louis remembered Harry saying his door was broken, but Louis didn’t expect maintenance to take so long. The light from Harry’s room showed a white line on Louis’ black jeans. Louis couldn’t see inside but he just needed to.

Guilt swept through him as he slowly pushed the door open. As heavy as he felt, Louis took a step inside, and another. He did see Harry at his desk, or in the room, until he turned his head.

His mouth dropped but his heartbeat picked up. His boyfriend was jerking off, on his bed, with- “Harry?”

Or, Louis thinks he is incapable of making his boyfriend come, but Harry just needs a little more from him.

＊ On such breathless nights as these by @marchessa [E, 14k, Louis/Harry]

“Do you wish to become my mate, the pack omega?”

“I do.”

Louis kneeled down in front of him, and took the omega’s hands in his own, holding them over his chest.

“Then I will take you as my omega today,” Louis said with a firm voice. “I will keep you as my omega, my fated mate. From now on, you are mine to love. Mine to care for. Mine to pleasure,” he promised, leaning closer to the omega.

Harry’s whole body flushed after hearing his alpha’s vow, and tears gathered in his eyes.

As a newly presented omega, Harry has a hard time adjusting to his new life. Luckily he has the best alpha anyone could ask for on his side. The Moon had guided him to the most perfect mate in the world, and soon they will bond in the pale moonlight. He just has to survive the long road leading to the mating ritual.

Part 2 of In the middle of the night when the wolves come out

what's left of my halo's black by LiveLaughLoveLarry / @loveislarryislove [E, 22k, Louis/Harry]

As Harry sucks lovebites into Louis’ neck, Louis hopes that one day those marks will cover the way he can still feel Alex’s handprints burned into his flesh.

As Harry’s nails drag scratches along Louis’ back, Louis hopes that one day the scabs on his heart will heal and drop away just like the scabs on his skin.

As Harry fucks him down into the mattress, the bed shaking with every thrust, Louis hopes that one day his mouth will forget the shape of Alex’s name, won’t trace it over and over as the heat builds inside him, won’t want to scream it when he comes. Maybe one day he’ll open his eyes, as he slowly floats down from his post-orgasm haze, and won’t expect to see Alex’s face smiling back at him.

But today is not that day.

A year after a devastating breakup, Louis is still trying to put himself back together - but getting over a breakup is hard when you work as a wedding planner. Thankfully, his coworker Harry is the most supportive friend Louis could ask for. But Harry has some secrets of his own, and they send Louis' world spinning off its axis all over again.

Based on the song "Holding On To Heartache" by Louis Tomlinson

—Fic Fests—

＊ Wankfest [ masterpost / ao3 / @wankersday ]

＊ Zouis Fic Fest [ masterpost / ao3 / @zouisfics ]

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

The Gym Membership - Part 26 (Crosshair)

Summary: Tech asks Crosshair a question.

A/N: Hello Lovelies,

Sorry for not posting last week, scheduling got screwed up because of visitors. Then I was sick this weekend, feeling better now. Just a sore throat and stuffy nose. Oh! So my family did a Family Appreciation Day on Saturday, it's basically just an excuse to show how much we appreciate each other. I ended up getting four new books, a gift card and a Grogu phone holder. It was so awesome!

Love oo

Italics - Flashback

Warnings: Grief, anger, secretive life, holding back the tears, tension, silence, emotional growth. If I miss any warnings, please let me know.

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For several minutes, silence filled the living room, as Crosshair stood at the kitchen entrance locking eyes with Tech, until he laid the tablet on the table. His demeanour was eerily calm, patient, almost as if he was a predator waiting for his prey.

“Crosshair, I asked you a question. Who the hell is Avery Taylor-Fett, and why are you looking at headstones?”

Crosshair wasn’t sure if it was the look Tech gave him, if it had to do with keeping everything bottled in for years or if it was the feeling of relief at being found out. Whatever, the cause Crosshair felt a weight lifted off his shoulders as a lump began to form in his throat, gently tightening his vocal cords, as a burning sensation began to build in his eyes as his tears fought to gain freedom. 

He let out a shaky sigh, clearing his throat as he took a seat in his armchair. He did his best to keep his face stoic as always, but somehow his lip wouldn’t listen to his command as it trembled subtly. Even his hands weren’t listening, as he shakily reached for the photo album on the coffee table. He quietly opened the album and flipped to the page that had her photo, it was similar to the one he showed to Tech before, except in this one it was just Avery and him, as she wrapped her arms around his neck, while he took the picture. He turned it and showed it to Tech.

Tech leaned closer to the album, his eyes drifting to the picture he’d seen previously, of Cross with his unit and the short hair, bespectacled woman, “I have seen these pictures before. This was when you were in London …” Tech’s voice died out as he focused on the selfie shot Crosshair took with the bespectacled woman, if he didn’t know better, Tech would’ve thought they were a couple. But Crosshair didn’t do the whole couple thing.

Crosshair nodded as he pointed to Avery, “Yeah, you’ve seen these pictures before.” His finger trailed over her face lovingly, before pulling it away, “She.” he pointed to Avery. “She is Avery Taylor-Fett,” he took a deep breath, “my wife.”

The silence that settled between the two was heavy, as those last two words played over in Tech’s ear. His leg bounced up and down as he took the time to fully become immersed in those two words. And as those two words ‘my wife’ floated around him, prodded him, unnerved him, his anger began to build. It was only when those two little words finally settled before him, as he looked at her picture, did he fully recognize and understand what those two simple words truly meant. 

There were so many things he wanted to know, so many questions that flew through his mind, a plethora of phrases he wanted to yell at Crosshair, but the most pressing question was also two words.

“How long?” Tech shifted his eyes from Avery’s picture to Crosshair, truly those two words took more out of him than he realized. Truthfully, it was the only question he felt he had the strength to ask. 

Cross took a deep breath, as he leaned back in his chair, “Do you really want to know the answer to that question?” He knew this wasn’t going to be pretty. He fully expected to hear his younger brother ream him out, however, Tech didn’t respond, his eyes simply glared at him.  

As his eyes focused on his younger brother, he knew there was no backing away from the question or from the piercing gaze Tech was giving. He wasn’t going to be able to get out of this, and he realized he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to hide Avery anymore, he didn’t want to hide what they had, he wanted to be able to tell someone about who she was and how much she meant to him.

He cleared his throat, as he leaned forward taking a sip of his coffee, his hand fidgeted against the mug before he brought it up to his mouth and wiped the imaginary straps that were keeping his mouth sealed. He closed his eyes and let out a breath, “I met her about a year after Heather died … but we didn’t get married till almost two years after I first met her. In fact, 16 months after I met her, I married her.”

Tech’s hand clenched harder around his fist, “You’re telling me …” his leg bounced up and down as he calculated in his head the time, “for almost seven years … for seven years you’ve been married to this woman?” Tech pointed to Avery’s picture, “And you didn’t feel the need or the inclination to tell any of us?”

‘Had it really been that long?’ Crosshair thought “Uh yeah … I guess you could say that.”

“What do you mean could?”

Cross scratched his head, as he tried to find the best way to explain the reality that was his life, the absolute shit storm that was his life. He shifted in his seat, sitting forward as his elbows rested on his knees, how was he going to explain to Tech that he met this woman when he stormed into her office and yelled at her, or the fact that the first six times he asked her out, she rebuffed him with no qualms of how it made him look. How was he going to be able to tell him that she was the best decision he ever made, and the short time he had with her were the happiest 18 months of his life. How he gave up the playboy lifestyle the minute he met her only to fall back into it six months after she was in a coma. How was he to explain all of this to his younger brother?

“It’s a long story, Tech”

Tech sat back on the sofa, crossing his arms, “I’m not going anywhere.”

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