#but other than that obv i don’t care much to own EVERY volume

[inkykeiji]

good morning i spent $90 on tokrev volumes yesterday because i was on the hunt for this singular gorgeous image <333

i dragged my boyfriend to the bookstore on an obsessive, borderline deranged mission to find and subsequently own (in some capacity) this photo. and now i do!! plus two more omnibus’ i didn’t need (except i really did need them, because they’re so beautiful and i’m so glad to have them on my bookshelf now *。ヾ(｡>ｖ<｡)ﾉﾞ*。)

[ff-imagines]

Oh snap you're opened. Welcome back! Can you please do the nsfw alphabet for peking duck? I really like your writing!

Peking duck: nsfw alphabet

Minors dni xoxo

A - aftercare

The best at it, honestly. Might seriously cry a little afterwards lmao. You don’t have to ask for anything because he’s already thought ahead and is shoving everything you could need your way. It might get a little ridiculous with how careful he is with you, he doesn’t mean to baby you, he’s just terrified of hurting you. If you’re sore at all he feels incredibly guilty, even if there is a tiny part of him that twinges in pride when you remind him you’d asked for a rough treatment and, well, he’ll be damned if he doesn’t give you exactly what you asked so nicely for.

B - body part

Of yours, it’s more a question of what he doesn't like. If he had to make a choice, he’d say your stomach. It’s good to lay his head on it, and it’s one of the softest parts of your body so it’s nice and warm. He’d die before he admitted it but some nights he goes a bit harsher than usual, splaying his hand across your stomach and feeling how deep his cock is inside you as he thrusts- it drives him insane really.

He also loves your hands, always wants to be holding you hand, especaily during sex. Will pin you down in a loving way by lacing his fingers with yours above your head.

On himself? Definitely his hair. Playing with his hair and giving him a scalp massage makes him feel some type of way. Sit in his lap while you run your nails across his scalp and he’ll bury his nose in the crook of your neck and moan for you, whatever happens next is up to you babes xoxo

C - cum

It’s not a crazy amount but it’s pretty thick. You can’t tell me he doesn’t have a big ass breeding kink. What can he say, Peking Dad is a family man! Just the thought of cumming deep inside you has him thrusting all that harder. Beg him to cum inside you, I dare you. You’ll see a side to him that’s much more feral than you’ve ever seen this sweet man. Would 100% cum inside and buck into you just a bit longer to fuck any cum that’s slipped past his cock back inside you.

D - dirty secret

He wants to take pictures of you while in your blissed out state. He loves you so stupidly much, he’s already got tons and tons of pictures of you going about your daily life. He’s the type to see a cat asleep and go “what a rare moment I must capture it forever” and that stays true with his beloved. If you’d let him, he’d love to make some… home videos with you, ones he’d definitely come back to rewatch to the point where your whines are committed to memory like the lyrics to his favourite song.

E - experience

I’d say he’s not a green bean with sex. I don’t think he’s been around the block either. He’s probably opened up such intimacy with a few others before just to test the waters, but hasn’t really felt passionate about opening that part of himself back up for quite some time. He’d most likely fumble a bit to begin with as he recalls the motions.

F - favorite position

Whatever yours is! He’s the definition of a true switch, let him soft dom you or treat him how you like, it’s up to you!

If he had to pick, he’s most likely a sucker for when you’re on his lap. No matter if he’s in charge or not, he just loves to look up and see the way your face scrunches when he bucks and hits that one spot inside you that makes your mind vacate.

G - goofy

Not…. Really? He’s accidentally goofy by saying something super out of place during intimate moments or by fretting over something you wouldn’t even think to be worried over. You could have his cock buried so deep in your insides will feel like they’ve molded to the shape of his dick and he’d stop and ask if you remembered to turn the oven off lmao

H- hair

On himself he mostly trims to keep it simple but like, that’s it. He’s got a light happy trail that he doesn’t really trim since it’s not that thick, it doesn’t really bother him.

On you, he literally doesn’t care. Shave or don’t, he’s your personal cheerleader either way.

I- intimacy

It’s his expertise, your honour! He lives to be closer to you, learn more about your desires, what makes you happiest, please let him treat you good, he adores you so much, and precious things get treated like royalty in his hands. He commits your body and reactions to memory, almost like he’s taken a photograph of every single touch- and like I said….. if you let him…. he would take pictures ;)

J- jerk off

You’d think he’d only do it occasionally but he actually does it quite a lot. He thinks it’s healthy to release regularly, it’s better to cum now than have a weird spike of horniness in public. He’s probably considered the chance that you walk in on him, and he’s surprised by how much he wants that to happen. For him to be desperately close to the edge and for you to walk in and take over, him a deer in the headlights as you take control, he’s could probably cum to that fantasy alone, honestly.

K- Kinks

Well, obv a big ole breeding kink. The thought of cumming in your deepest parts has him frenzied beyond belief.

Idk if the taking pics thing is a kink but also… that ofc.

I think he’s also into sensory deprivation. Allow him to blindfold you, tie your hands behind you, let him take care of you. He’ll handle everything from here, sweet thing, all you have to do is keep moaning for him in such a pretty way.

He’s also, surprisingly, into masochism. He doesn’t care for sadism at all, he’d die before he left a mark on your perfect skin, however….. if you decided to roughly pull his head back by his hair and bite just a little too hard, you might find him bucking into you a little faster.

He’s probably thought a bit about cock warming, but surprisingly he doesn’t really want it to be…. “sexual” as much as he desires to be closer to you. You sitting in his lap, feeling you exhale against his neck with your arms wrapped around him, all the while is cock is buried deep inside you, it just sounds so intimate, and he finds himself craving to be that close to you often.

The biggest of all? Praise praise praise. Body worship as well. He’s literally always babbling about how gorgeous you are, how good you feel, how amazing you make him feel. Always encouraging and always admiring you, just like he does every single day in non sexual contexts, always sneaking in ways to remind you how much he adores you. Tell him about a certain part of your body you don’t feel confident in, he’s paying extra attention to making it known how perfect everything about you is. Everything you have, own, are, all of it. Peking is your number one fan, sit back let him remind you just why he finds you so lovely, you won’t regret it.

L- location

He prefers to be in a secluded area, he knows he’s loud and he’d be really embarrassed if anyone but you brought up the….. volume of his whines.

However, he’s very weak when it comes to your begging. If you're in a less than private location, he’ll most likely let you lead and just try to bite his knuckle to keep from crying out. It'd be soOoOo awful if you made a game out of trying to get him to break and whine out for you unmuffled as you play with him, oOoOoHhHh the horror >:)

M- motivation

He’s an old dad with an enormous you-shaped hole in his chest, just ask him and he’ll give everything he has to his name to you. You don’t need to wear that certain perfume he loves so much, you don’t need to breathe across his neck like that, you don’t need to run a finger down his spine so slowly, he’ll give you anything you ask for, please don’t tease him so much.

If you straight up ask him for sex, he’ll mostly lean towards soft service domming, if you choose to purposely rile him up, he’ll be in a much subby-er mood.

N- no

Like I’ve said, there really isn’t a sadistic bone in his body. He also doesn’t have literally any desire for humiliation kinks. He just doesn’t like it, giving or receiving. He’s a big ole simp with a big heart and it’s in the palm of your hands, please treat it nicely :’(

O- oral

P l s let him give you oral. He might not be an expert but he lives to make you feel good.

Afab readers…. He’ll most likely try to make you sit on his face at least once, please please he wants to feel your thighs against his head while he works his tongue on you.

Amab readers, he fuckin loves to rub his thumbs on your hips to keep you from bucking as he swallows your cock, he’ll open his mouth for you after you cum, swallow, and open his mouth again to prove he didn’t let a single drop go to waste.

As for receiving, phew boy does he love receiving. He cannot for the life of him figure out where to put his hands so it’s a frenzy of him grasping the sheets to biting down on his knuckle to placing a hand on your head. If you made him look down at you and lock eyes while his cock is in your mouth his soul would leave his body lmao

P- pace

Not very fast at all, he prefers to thrust deeper than should be possible. He really likes when you beg him to go faster, and as soft as his heart is, this is the only time he might withhold himself from giving into your begging for a bit, he just loves pulling out so slowly and watch you almost cry out for him to thrust back, deeper harder, faster, please, he’ll give into you eventually, just let him savour the feeling of you needing him badly enough to cry for a few more minutes.

Q- quickies

He prefers long, drawn out rounds, but if you really need some relief quickly, he’s not one to deny you. He will most likely give in, and later on in the night when you're back home and out of the public eye, suggest you two have a much more... thorough round as quick rounds just don’t satisfy him enough.

R- risk

Surprisingly…… he kinda likes the idea. The thought of someone, maybe even someone who’s been pining for you, to catch him in the act of making you beg and cry for him. Alternatively, making them watch you as you give your full attention to him, pleasure him, make them watch you love him instead of them. It riles him up in a way even he’s not used to.

S- stamina

He’s an old man, his refractory time is kinda long lmao. He prefers one really long round rather than multiple. He doesn’t mind or judge if you need a little more, and doesn’t mind giving you a few more orgasms with his tongue or hands.

T- toys

He doesn’t have any, but he’s open to the idea! Admittedly, he likes the idea on himself, like, really likes the idea. Give him a cock ring and watch him cry out as he begs for a break that he doesn’t actually want to take because the bliss you’re giving him is making him feel like jelly.

U- unfair

He's tried to edge and tease you before but he gave in so damn quick it was almost embarrassing for him. He just adores you, he lives to please you, even if you beg him not to give in and try to tease you he just can’t, his heart is so so squishy and he loves you very much dear, please let him treat you exactly how you beg to be treated.

Overstimming however….. he does it accidentally a lot, he just loves prolonging your pleasure, watching you squirm a bit as he forces a second orgasm out of your poor spent body.

V- volume

He’s very loud honestly. If you decide to dom him he talks a lot. He's got a bad babbling habit, words of adoration bleeding from his lips that get more and more incoherent the longer you toy with him. Play with him long enough and he’ll forget how to form words, letting out loud whines and he squirms under you. You might catch him attempting to cry out your name but the poor thing just can’t seem to form the right words.

If you let him top you he’s still throwing out every compliment he can think of and he still whines a lot, he likes to bury his face in your neck to muffle himself and listen to your moans. He lives to hear you come undone, but he can’t help being so loud, you’re just so warm and you feel so good :(

W- wild card

I think jealous sex will be more common than you actually think, Peking is just very quiet about the reason he’s suddenly a bit more handsy. He knows it’s not rational to worry about his place in your heart, but it just eats at him sometimes when he sees the way you blend in with others so easily while he just… doesn’t. If a stranger/friend is more overt about their flirting he will probably be more obvious about the jealousy burning through his veins. Even if he wasn’t prompted through jealously, pillow talk sometimes leans towards him venting his fears to you. Please praise him, tell him how much you love him, he needs it :’((((

X- X Ray

A lot bigger than average and a bit curved. He never considered himself to be out of the norm, or never really considered his cock to anything else than, just, “well, its there” I suppose. He does appreciate the curve a lot more now because it makes it easier to hit your weak point. He feels a bit of pride nestling into his chest if you cry about him being too big.

Y- yearning

Fairly often, but he doesn’t mind not acting on it. He can still function and do his work if he’s only surface level horny. Literally anytime you ask he’ll deliver with very slim exceptions. He’d like it to be a regular thing, since he really enjoys the intimacy, so maybe 3-4 times a week, 1-2 if you prefer it to be.

Z- zzz

Oh man he loves cuddling with you after sex. He also loves cuddling with you period but god he loves to the pillow talk with you in his arms, listening to your sleepy voice as your grip on him slowly loosens -but never lets go, as you succumb to sleep. He isn’t overly sleepy himself, instead choosing to close his eyes and comb through your hair, or run a thumb across your cheek if your hair isn’t a texture that can be combed through. Sleep will come to him eventually, he just likes savouring the warmth you bring him.

[gnflorida]

still not over the whole ‘hey there delilah’ concept

honestly i’m shocked that i never realized how well it fits dnf, just from the song itself. i mean, cocky white boy with ambitious pursuits is basically dream’s entire brand. but the lyrics themselves are just something else:

the “thousand miles away” lines. in their case, 4,000 miles away.

“listen to my voice, it’s my disguise”. because he hides what he looks like, but reveals so much with his words and inflections and mannerisms, dream’s voice essentially is his entire appearance.

then there’s “someday i’ll pay the bills with this guitar” (mentally replace guitar with yt lmao) and “we’ll have the life we knew we would”. i cannot help but think of “i’m gonna blow up, come with me george”, of the trust they had in each other that allowed them to create incredibly successful careers together and with all their friends. this is echoed again later with “by the time that we get through, the world will never ever be the same, and you’re to blame” which again goes perfectly with dream’s leo ass and his sense of over-confidence, which can be sometimes endearing and sometimes just obnoxious. i especially like the last phrase, i think it’s fitting with how he largely attributes his successes to those around him.

“if every simple song i wrote to you would take your breath away, i’d write it all” obv the actual concept of writing songs is not that applicable, but dream most certainly embodies the general sentiment of going out of one’s way to impress or please someone they care about.

and then, of course “our friends would all make fun of us and we’ll just laugh along because we know that none of them have felt this way” is the line that has been making my head spin since the moment i heard it on karl’s stream. obviously very relevant to dream and george, who get teased for dnf constantly. in the moments that are clearly not baiting, but rather genuine displays of their dynamic, they can’t back out of the joke because it’s not meant to be a joke. there’s not much they can do in response to their friends’ little remarks but laugh.

and that line more than any other ties into the final factor that just absolutely destroyed me, which was hearing them all actually sing the song. after karl’s occasional dnf jokes the entire night, plus dream’s personal insistence about how good the song was, plus the fact that they lyrics focus on a long distance relationship, there was literally nothing dream and george could do to prevent the lyrics from being perceived as about themselves. by the time they reach the bridge of the song, and the lines start to hit very close to home, dream becomes incredibly hesitant to sing. and i honestly don’t think this implies much about his own feelings, but it definitely shows that he is hyperaware of his actions being interpreted through a dnf-lens of sorts. the fact that he backs off after that realization, in a moment that could have easily been a perfect bait opportunity a few months ago, speaks volumes to me.

[wienerbarnes]

First Fight

Pairing: Bucky x Reader (Cheek to Cheek)

Word Count: 1,469

Warnings: fighting :/ obv but happy ending i promise

A/N: still have a few ideas for the past between these two before moving forward but ugh if yall have requests or ideas or anything ur more than welcome to send em my way!

MAIN MASTERLIST | CHEEK TO CHEEK MASTERLIST

After living for so long under the control of others, you’d dreamt and imagined how heavenly it would be to be on your own; to be alone. It never occurred to you how difficult it would be to be around yourself all of the time, though.

The constant talk talk talk in your head, so much noise in such an empty and quiet space such as your apartment. Bucky’s been stopping by more and more lately, and you hope he doesn’t come today, the voices giving you a headache strong enough to last a lifetime. Not to mention, most of what they talk about involves the super soldier.

To your unbelievable luck, a knock sounds at the door anyway, showing you that you clearly hadn’t hoped hard enough. You sigh exhaustedly before going over to the door and opening it for Bucky, ignoring his greeting and the bags of groceries and dinner in his hands.

He’s talking, telling you about some of the stuff he bought, what you can make with it, that he can run any errands for you if you need, but all you can hear is pity pity pity.

He does it to make himself feel better, knowing he’s doing some charity work helping you out. He knows no one else would. You’re like the old dog at the pound, the ugly one with anger issues that no one wants to adopt. You’ll always end up back at the pound, until the four walls of the crate are the last things your eyes see before death.

“Can you stop.” You seeth, saying it more as a demand rather than a question. 

You turn to see Bucky looking at you; you’re not sure what he was saying before you interrupted him, but he’s clearly confused with your demand as he unbags the groceries.

“Uh… stop?” He questions.

“Stop with the pity party.” You tell him, eyebrows tensing tighter and tighter as the anger and frustration bubbles inside you.

“What are you talking about?” He asks.

“What am I talking about? What am I talking about?! I’m talking about this!” You wave your arm around the table full of groceries.

“I don’t need you to buy me these things, I don’t need you to bring them by, and I don’t need you to run errands for me. I lived a long time on my own and I was fine before you; I managed. So, I don’t need your pity or your charity, and I don’t need you!” You explain, voice low and increasing in volume as you shout at him.

“What are you - Do you hear yourself right now?! Pity? Charity? You - you - sound -” Bucky begins, voice raising in anger at your accusations but you stop him from finishing his sentence.

“Sound what, Bucky? Crazy? I sound crazy? Guess what: I am fucking crazy! Sorry the charity work doesn’t involve photo ops or medals or awards, just some bat shit criminal who doesn’t need or want you here.” You snap.

He stares at you in disbelief of your outburst, completely unsure of where it’s come from. He has no response from you, only shock, it seems, as he scoffs humorlessly before leaving the half-unpacked groceries on the table and leaving without another word.

That didn’t really make you feel any better. The anger and frustration still lingers in your body, making you feel uncomfortable, like there’s an itch you can’t scratch or a high pitched buzzing in your ear that you can’t get rid of. Taking your anger out on Bucky when he was only trying to help didn’t make you feel better, it only made you feel worse.

Not like there’s any way to contact him and tell him to come back.

You try to salvage what you can of the rest of your day; putting away the rest of the groceries Bucky bought for you, separating the food he brought you for dinner into two plates, just in case he changes his mind and stops by again and is hungry.

It’s eight at night when he does. His familiar knock on the door brings relief to you, even though nothing’s changed in the last couple of hours and he has every right to be upset with you after blowing up at him like that.

The two plates are on the table, as you were about to sit down to eat dinner, and you’re glad that you left the second plate out.

You open the door and you and Bucky stare at each out wordlessly. He steps inside and looks to the table, seeing the second plate.

The two of you eat in silence and you’re not sure if he has his built up anger to unleash onto you or if there’s been a silent truce throughout the meal.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky begins after wiping his mouth and cleaning off his plate, “It was never my intention to make you feel as though I was pitying you or using you as charity. But, I can see how maybe some of my actions or the things I say can come off that way to you. So, I’m sorry, and I’ll try to do better with you.”

You don’t know what to say. You were expecting more yelling, maybe throwing things, the reactions you’ve grown used to with your past. The last thing you expected was an apology, he had nothing to apologize for.

“And know that I don’t pity you. At all. I know you don’t need me, you don’t need anyone. You can take care of yourself perfectly fine. But I think of how I was when I was on my own after…” He doesn’t have to elaborate on the fact that he’s talking about his time after escaping HYDRA himself, “And there were so many simple things I had trouble with, so many things I wish I had help with. So, I just try to think of what I would’ve wanted when I was in your position. But you’re not me. You’re stronger than me. Toughest gal I know,” He chuckles.

“I guess it’s just my way of showing I care and that I’m here for you. And I’m sorry it didn’t translate that way.” He finally finishes.

You feel a lump in your throat but you refuse to cry in front of him. Bucky’s too nice to you. My way of showing I care and I’m here for you. You don’t even remember the last time someone’s told you that. You really don’t deserve him, and yet somehow he’s been placed in your life.

“I’m sorry, too,” You finally choke out, clearing your throat to rid the lump before continuing, “I was having a really bad day, and I took my anger out on you when I shouldn't have. And… sometimes I do feel like you’re pitying me with the things you do, but I should’ve talked to you about it instead of exploding on you. Thank you, I really do appreciate everything you do.” You tell him.

He smiles softly at you before standing, grabbing both your plates, and putting them in the sink. He walks back over to where you sit at the table, but he doesn’t sit down. Instead he stands next to you and opens his arms expectantly.

“What… What are you doing?” You ask him.

“C’mon. Give me a hug.”

“Huh? I’m not doing that, we don’t hug.”

“Oh, c’mon, we just had our first fight. We both apologized and now we hug and make up. C’mon, just give me a hug so I can do your dishes.”

“You’re not letting this go, are you? You’re going to make me hug you?”

“Oh, poor you, you have to hug me, the torture,” He continues to tease.

You roll your eyes playfully before standing, looking him up and down as he remains with his arms wide open, softly chuckling before stepping into his arms and circling your own around his slim waist.

His arms wrap around your shoulders and back as you two hug. He’s incredibly warm and smells amazing, but most importantly, you feel his emotions through the hug. His apology, his care. You tighten your arms a bit, a way of emphasizing your own apology, and he does the same.

“Okay, that’s enough.” You finally say, feeling awkward in how long this hug has gone on.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Bucky-”

“I’d like to hug a while longer, please.”

“I don’t.”

“I do.”

“Ugh, I wish I would’ve known you were a hugger before seeking you out after prison.”

“You reap what you sow, doll. Now you’re stuck with me.”

“Whatever, wash my dishes so we can read.”

“Still might need a few more minutes of hugging.” He tightens his arms around you even more.

“Bucky!”

[jostenneil]

who are your fav titans and why?

kory and wally! idk if wally counts bc even if he is technically a titan it’s not like any titans book has ever rly done him justice as a character but he’s a founding member so ig i will include him anyway. there’s so many good things to say about kory but namely i love that she’s a character with so much conviction. she’s very upfront and forward about whatever she believes in and seeing how that translates simultaneously into her care for her friends and her aggression for her enemies is a rly interesting dichotomy to see play out. bc it’s not like she’s some reckless, ultra passionate loose canon who only acts on emotion without logic coming into play. logic is absolutely present within her decisions and attitude, it’s just a different kind of logic, bc she’s not from earth and bc she learned to do things differently where she grew up. but that logic and conviction are also what allow her to develop a rly sturdy, complex philosophy about how to go about heroing on earth bc she can take the time to make smart social decisions that combine both methodology from where she grew up and where she lives now. she’s one of the most well balanced members of the team for that reason, and that says a lot bc i mean. who on the titans can really say they’re well balanced and always thinking straight? not many people. i haven’t gotten to that point in comics yet so i don’t know what her leadership stint was like when portrayed but i honestly rly wish she was valued as much as the fab five in the mainstream bc to me she reads as the more capable leader. she’s so intimately in tune with her emotions that she knows exactly how to keep them in check and channel them in the most productive manner and, again, that’s not something a lot of titans can say imo. so lol

my reasons for loving wally all stem from non-titans comics but contribute to what i think he should have been in titans comics. wally growing up is a really sweet, smart kid who has to learn a lot of self sufficiency as a hero bc he operates in his own city separate from barry for years. that’s a unique experience that actually sets him apart from the other founding members which i think would have been so interesting to capitalize on but. lol. obv we know where titans comics take him and how he’s more or less broken down into nothing by the time his solo starts. thankfully, the initial baron and messner-loebs runs of that volume aside, what mark waid does to rebuild wally as a character is develop him into this person who is once again acutely sympathetic to the suffering of others and very reverent of the people to come before him in the flash fam legacy. the wally of flash comics idolized barry, iris, and jay. being a hero was a huge honor for him and he did everything to live up to the responsibility, and that’s something waid marvelously brought back to wally after titans comics destroyed it. wally cares so much about doing right by the legacy and about saving people, and most importantly, he’s not someone to let his personal life work as an obstacle to his heroism (at least, in circumstances other than barry’s death, and even then, i think baron’s disastrous starter run took a lot of pointers from wolfman’s characterization, so i honestly still hated it). if anything, he uses his dedication to his heroism to reflect on his personal life bc if he’s not being a good hero who cares about others and helps others as best he can, then how can he be a good person to the people in his life who matter? that’s what forms a huge basis of his relationship with linda, is that integrity and faith and dedication, and i think it’s what ultimately makes him such a stable character. he’s so grounded in that belief in doing what’s right and it reflects on every good thing he’s managed to find in his life

[angeltrapz]

saw ur post 4 saw asks n im here to deliver!! (also fully gonna answer the one u sent me i just had a busy night 💚) — hmmm would personally love to hear more abt the Matthews-Faulkner-Stanheight-Blank family dynamic? esp maybe Daniel + Art, but rlly just anything u wanna talk abt there! maybe if they have any sorta family traditions, what holidays look like for them, that sorta deal

shfajs tysm!!!! (also tht's totally okay, take yr time!!!)

also oooo I love this question okay. so like u mentioned this when I asked abt what Eric n Daniel's relationship would b like post-trap, but I think it's very very good fr Daniel 2 like. see tht Eric has ppl who love him n who don't mind helping him when he needs it n who are THERE fr him bc again, like you've mentioned, seeing a parent so utterly shattered th way Eric was after his trap is incredibly difficult, esp for a kid (though Daniel is like. at least seventeen? still). knowing tht his dad has a good support system n is surrounded by ppl tht care abt him helps put him at ease bc he knows he can trust Adam n Art. he knows they'll keep Eric safe n tht they'll help him to heal, tht they love him n want 2 see him do well n get better. plus, Daniel knows tht if he needs to talk 2 some1 abt how difficult seeing his dad like tht is, he knows both Adam n Art r there fr him and tht helps a lot. of course, he also has Rigg + maybe Hoffman (until th whole. u know.), but they don't live w Eric. they don't see him every day th way Art n Adam do. that's not 2 say they don't know Eric is struggling, but there is a difference btwn them n Eric's boyfriends. basically, Daniel is very much grateful fr Art + Adam.

I feel like Art wld be VERY good at lending an ear fr when Daniel needs 2 talk. whether that be abt their trap + tht whole experience, Eric's trap n the consequences/rough aftermath, just plain venting, etc.; Art is there 2 listen to them + offer a solution if they want one. most times I think Daniel just wants to b listened to, esp when it comes to what they went thru in the Nerve Gas House - tht's smth they don't feel comfortable discussing w Eric right away fr obvious reasons, but therapy can only do so much. I think th two of them have more in common than they might realize at first, bc hey, Art Killed A Man Because Trevor Was Going To Kill Him If He Didn't, and Daniel Killed A Man Because Xavier Would Have Killed Both Them And Amanda If They Didn't. I feel like Art is like. very reserved abt th details of his first trap + how they affected him (and th second one tbh; it's not smth he vocalizes often at all), but fr Daniel he wld gladly talk abt it if it meant Daniel didn't feel alone. if it meant it could help them, reassure them that hey, it wasn't yr fault, u did what u had to, n I know tht can be hard 2 believe right now n that's okay. u need to process things at yr own pace.

and so Art tells them abt the Mausoleum, bares a part of himself he keeps locked away where he doesn't often give it much thought/actively ignores it. n I think tht's healing fr him too, maybe. there's solace in tht shared experience, as horrible as it was in th moment. 2 know there's someone out there who has even th faintest inkling of what u went thru + what u had to do to survive. of course Daniel relates 2 Adam fr this reason too, but like. Art will use his Lawyer Voice n make sure Daniel understands tht what they did doesn't make them a bad person or confirm tht Jigsaw Was Right And They Deserved It. n tht's rly important fr Daniel 2 hear, esp early on. it's honestly one of th first times Art is truly honest abt his feelings on th matter + the Mausoleum, n it's just. a step tht much closer to healing for both of them.

family traditions!!! they do have a few! in the summer, every sunday they have Daniel w them, Eric Art n Adam go out fr ice cream, even if they get it at the drive thru n eat it in th car bc none of them want 2 be around all th people/sit outside in th muggy weather. it's a good way to get them all out of th house fr a little while, something enjoyable tht doesn't require too much energy or even interaction. it's just smth nice they can do where they're all together n chilling n just enjoying each other's company!

this is mostly a Daniel one but every year around April Fools he just. puts fucking googly eyes on everything. n every time some1 discovers some, it doesn't matter where in th house he is, u can hear him cackle abt it. Adam thinks it's an absolute delight n has assisted on multiple occasions. tht's abt as far as pranks go fr them, bc none of them like surprises like that, but god is it ever hilarious 2 hear Eric frm the kitchen while Art Adam n Daniel r in the living room when he says "I found another one!" while he's looking fr smth in the fridge kjdkfsf.

holidays!! every Christmas they all sit down in th living room n watch a couple of movies w the blankets spread out on th floor w snacks n hot chocolate. the first Christmas following his trap, Eric was sat on th couch between Adam n Art while Daniel chose to sprawl out on th floor, n he just looked around at his boyfriends n his son n the fake pine tree they had all decorated together n he like. needs to take a moment bc this is it. this is all he cld ever want out of life right here. this is a level of peace Eric never knew he wld ever be able to reach after what he went thru fr those six months. n he just sort of presses his face into Art's shoulder n breathes thru it. he doesn't even have to say anything fr Adam n Art to know what he's thinking bc Adam's hand is on his arm n Art's resting his cheek against th top of his head, n he might cry a little, but he's happy. surrounded by th ppl he loves n who love him, love him enough to keep the lights down low n the volume on th television soft, to use subtitles so he doesn't get overwhelmed, Eric realizes he has a home n it's just. oof.

fr Valentine's Day, this one was actually Adam's idea initially: wht they do is take sticky notes n write little affirmations on thm fr each other, n stick thm in places where they'll see it. sometimes Daniel joins in on this one, but usually it's an Art Eric Adam thing. so like it'll be little things, like a note frm Adam telling Eric how proud he is of him, or one from Art letting Adam know he couldn't have had a better best friend, or th one from Eric that thanks th both of thm fr helping him w his rashes + helping him 2 accept tht part of him n start to see it as nothing to be ashamed of. it starts on th first day of February and ends on Valentine's Day itself, n sometimes they get those packs of cards u get fr kids just to write goofy shit on thm to pass back n forth n make each other laugh. they also get th discounted candy!! (Adam steals all th twix bars tho. tht's okay bc Eric likes snickers anyway n Art is fond of reese's peanut butter cups. they share th sweet tarts + conversation hearts!)

Halloween is when they get a big bowl of candy 2 leave on th porch fr the kids who're trick-or-treating while th three of them stay inside (+Daniel sometimes!) n watch some classics, like their Christmas tradition. they Also add in some bad movies 2 mix it up a lil bit bc sometimes u just need a laugh. I am like in Lov w the idea u had abt Eric n Adam sometimes building cozy pillow forts, so they do tht n the three of them just vibe in there n lay together n look n talk. n like it's So Much Fun 2 have ppl to like. discuss movies w while yr watching them! esp when they're ppl who won't be annoyed w u when u wanna share a thought! like Eric n Adam will get into this deep discussion abt horror movie decisions n Art will just lay there n listen bc he loves them so much n loves hearing them get amped up abt things. he'll offer his own two cents if asked too! mostly he listens, but he can definitely contribute.

inevitably at some point, someone's hand ends up in Eric's hair n he's just. asleep not too long after that. usually on someone's shoulder or against their chest, n depending on who's still awake, they either try 2 move to th bedroom or they just sleep in th living room (i.e.: Art will try to convince Eric n Adam to come to bed properly, whereas Adam will just b like "fuck it" n pass out right there. has this led 2 them waking up sore b4? absolutely. but it's like. "we r adults who live w our decisions n this one happened 2 be sleeping on th floor" so.

n then a minor one is on their birthdays, some1 (usually Art, to be completely honest w u) will cook tht person their favourite comfort food fr dinner n they all help make cake/cupcakes/cookies/something dessert-related of their choice. so like Art rly likes brownies, Adam is fond of strawberry jello poke cake, n Eric can make some RLY good carrot cake cupcakes w homemade frosting too. it's just smth fr them to do together + like! it's celebrating! they've all been thru so much hell but they're still here! n that's rly th focus for the three of them. sometimes they have ppl over too - like Rigg, Gibson, Brit, Mallick, Lawrence, William (all of them best-case, obv); it's nice 2 have a lil party sometimes! after what they've endured they've kind of earned it I think!

thank u sm!!! this was so fun 2 think abt fjdkjsk

(lil random hc: when Daniel was little, Eric used 2 write letters to him frm Santa. eventually Daniel got "too old for that," but honestly? they cherish tht memory. I wanted 2 include it bc it makes me kjehfje!!!)

[disasterbialert]

So, I finished The Untamed and ok ok I think I have collected most of my thoughts about it. (I’m late, so I guess these thoughts don’t really matter, but I wanted to put them somewhere and here seemed like the place.) SO here’s a post absolutely NO ONE WANTS and imma do it anyway cool cool.

Firstly: love. This entire show is about love. Obviously other things too ok I’m simplifying for the sake of my point. But importantly it is about love. The love for our families, found, made and blood. The love of soulmates, romantic and platonic. The love of humanity, of the people known and unknown, love for them purely because they are human and are therefore deserving of love. The love inherent in honour and duty, the sacrifices made for that love. Loving someone—bravely, in the face of every adversity, despite being told it’s wrong. Learning to be true to that love, learning to love faithfully, learning to love, to show love, to be loved.

Bless the tireless translators. Y’all. The work you do is often thankless but y’all are so valued. Thank you.

The music. I actually don’t have the words for this, I can only thank the composers and musicians for the gifts they have blessed us with. My heart my heart my heart.

The costumes, set, props and cinematography are all so exquisite. I’m not an expert in any of these fields but I can see the care and detail paid to each facet of this show. What an absolute visual joy. Stunning.

And now, the characters.

I’ll start with the ladies. They deserved so much more. We deserved to have more than just one by the end, but I understand this wasn’t their story (still hurts tho).

Jiang Yanli. Proof that kindness is powerful. Her heart holds entire worlds. She is not weak (don’t even try me I swear to the gods). She holds her family together. She takes care of her siblings. She feeds their bodies and their souls. WWX is right—JZX does not deserve her but that’s because nobody does. But Jiang Yanli deserves to be happy, therefore her marriage to the Flower Peacock is valid purely bc it makes her happy. She stands up for what’s right, she will not compromise her morals, she will defend her family to her last breath (and so she does💔). She does not harden herself, she does not have to. Her patience and kindness, her softness, her gentleness—things that are seen as weaknesses or inferiorities—are what put her above all around her. She is gracious, she is strong, she is loving, she is determined, she is brave. She deserved better.

Wen Qing. A queen. A powerhouse. The most brilliant mind. A lightning-quick and sharp-bladed tongue. She loves Wen Ning so much and her love is powerful, just as Jiang Yanli’s. Her dedication and devotion to her people, her true family, not just a name, is incredible, inspiring. Why? Because she’s not perfect. So she learns. She grows. She becomes herself. When she’s at the Burial Mounds, she essentially adopts WWX as another younger brother, caring for him because she knows he won’t care for himself, and she does so out of love and respect. But she never replaces Jiang Yanli. She is keenly aware of all she perceives WWX loses because he aids them. Hence the pivotal, crucial: I’m sorry and thank you. She walks to what she knows is her own death with her head held high and her hand in her brother’s, offering love and support and what protection she can to the end. She does not flinch. She does not bow. She fights with all of her and surrenders with grace not reflected by those she surrenders to. Honestly I could write an entire thesis on Wen Qing but I’ll cry too hard so I’ll just leave it here that she deserved better, she deserved to live, she deserved to be free.

Mian Mian. Mian motherfucking Mian. Here is a woman who stares injustice full in the face and says no fucking way, says over my dead body, says you and what army old man. Strips the robes of the hypocritical off her own damn body, throws them at the feet of a false god and walks out, back straight, head held high. She makes her own way in the world, carves out her own life, finds love and happiness and lives. She does not compromise. She does not bow. She fights and she wins and she is glorious. And she lives she lives she lives.

Yu ZiYuan. I may be in the minority here but that’s ok. No I don’t approve of her abuse, just gonna nip that one in the bud right out of the gate. Was she fair? No. Was she cruel? Yes. Was she an incredible fighter who fought for her family, for her home? Who showed raw courage and furious strength in the face of insurmountable odds? Who loved a man with her whole bitter heart, loved her children with that same fractured heart? Was clearly the subject of spiteful rumour and vicious gossip and did not let it defeat her? Refused to bow to anyone? I do not like her, do not like how her bitterness made her cruel. But seeing her wield her blade, take wound after wound, witness the death of her love, then take her own blade and rob the monsters invading her home of the satisfaction of taking her life, took her own life with her own hands because that’s how she did everything in her life so why the fuck wouldn’t she do it in death too, who crawled her way to the man she loved, laced their fingers together so he wouldn’t die alone, so they could both die held? How can I not respect her.

Ok. The lads.

Jiang Cheng is a man-child idiot with the emotional expression range of a loquat, an inferiority complex the size of the moon and self-worth issues going back farther than the Big Bang, and I love him, ok? He loves so hard and so much and it is heartwrenching that he cannot communicate that. Some of his best moments are actually in the background, which is both funny and terribly sad. His rage is at times ridiculous, at times frustrating, at times all he has left, his joy is bright but brief, his grief is devastating. Watching JY greet WWX after the 3 months in the Burial Mounds. The entire temple scene. Crying on his knees. We were to be the Heroes of Yunmeng. Take care. Fuck me right in my feelings ok.

Wen Ning is so fucking precious and I would die for him for all eternity. What an absolute gift his character is. I honestly can’t write much more about him because I’ll cry. But special mentions to his interactions with A-Yuan/Lan SiZhui and the incredible scene where he reveals to Jiang Cheng the truth about his/WWX’s golden core. Unparalleled emotional intensity. The equal parts tenderness and fierceness of his love is breathtaking.

And the loves.

Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen. There is a lot of tragedy in The Untamed. There is great sadness in the main plot line and even in the small side plots. The Ballad of Song Lan and Xian Xingchen (as it’s come to be known in my head) is for me the most devastating and poignant. They just wanted to do good, to wander the world together and do their part to make it a better and safer place. It’s noble, yes, but it’s also so human, so close to home. Because we all want that, to know that we can do some good before we leave this world. They do not want to be involved in the petty squabbles, the undignified and cruel vying for power and dominance. They simply want to live and be. The fact that both of their deaths are pointless, could have been avoided, are the faults of poor timing and terrible terrible luck and cruel turns fate is almost what makes it sadder. Xue Yang screams that XXC is not better than him, that his righteousness and the righteous way he has attempted to live his life is all for naught. And then he is immediately proven wrong—XXC’s heartbreak means he can’t become XY’s puppet. SL is free from XY’s control and avenges himself and XXC. Which is also somehow just as devastating. That XXC and SL were so close, so very close to being together, to living, to making it, but didn’t. Nothing grand or heroic about their deaths—just the unknown and unpredictable nature of life. There is no rhyme or reason, no big important plan, no fate or destiny. They both simply die as we all one day will. And it is their potential cut short, the love and life they could’ve had, that hurts the most. They are not Lan Zhan and Wei Ying: they do not get their second chance, their reunion, their happily ever after. The look shared between SL and LWJ—the shared grief, the recognition, the understanding—and LWJ’s brief and unelaborated-on comment to WWX ‘how fortunate’ speaks volumes. How fortunate you came back/I found you/that’s not us when it could’ve been. That final shot of SL walking away and the brief out-of-focus moment of XXC walking beside him—particularly when it’s echoed with the parallel of WWX and LWJ—chokes me every time.

Wei Ying and Lan Zhan. Soulmates in every sense of the word. Their song. Their bunnies. Their child. The years they were robbed of. The yearning. The pining. The loyalty. The growth. The love the love the love. The loss the loss the loss. Every Lan Zhan. Every Wei Ying. Every glance. Every soft breath. Every gentle touch. The tenderness. The intimacy. The quiet acceptance. Their love story is one of the ages and, on a personal note as a queer person, what a gift it is to see a queer love story like this. (even when censored as a bromance, which like I mean, they tried but the glances alone are +9000 gay pining but whatever and yes I am making a joke because I’m crying don’t look at me)

TL;DR: I am so thankful The Untamed/CQL/MDZS and all of its adaptations (the source material included obvs) exists. I am so thankful to the writers, translators, casts, crews, creators. I am thankful for the community of fans that exist that love it as I do, who share that love and passion—whether through passionate discussion, rich fanfic or mind-blowing fanart. I am thankful I live in a time where content like this exists and can be shared. I learned a whole lot and I’m so grateful there aren’t even words. Love y’all. I’m gonna go be soft now. 💙

[danfanciesphil]

Some Kind Of Folliful (New Chapter)

Edgelord!Dan x ObliviousBisexual!Phil AU [CHAPTER THIRTEEN] (based off the 80′s classic Some Kind of Wonderful)

Synopsis: Dan has one friend, and only because he was forced into it. Phil is loud, excitable, and irritatingly happy all of the time. Phil seems to find Dan’s perpetual attitude funny, and despite Dan’s best efforts to shun him and everyone else, wants to be around him all the time. That is, until Phil starts talking about Amanda Jones. Word Count: WIP (Estimated 12-15 chapters) updates every Tuesday Rating: Explicit Warnings: Smoking, swearing, heavy drinking, drug mentions, implied prostitution, broken home, class divide/classism, pining, light homophobia, sex

[Chapter One] [Chapter Two] [Chapter Three] [Chapter Four] [Chapter Five] [Chapter Six] [Chapter Seven] [Chapter Eight] [Chapter Nine] [Chapter Ten] [Chapter Eleven] [Chapter Twelve]

[Ao3!]

This chapter is NSFW. Explicit. Sex happens. 

From: Dan To: Louise 13:23pm Can I have the weekend off?

From: Louise To: Dan 13:24pm This better be a damn joke

From: Dan To: Louise 13:25pm I worked the entire school holiday! Double shifts!

From: Louise To: Dan 13:25pm You also skived off two shifts to go get beat up by some rich kid

From: Dan To: Louise 13:27pm Please.

From: Louise To: Dan 13:30pm ughhhhhhHHHH FINE. I will give you today and Saturday off. Only because you never ask so I assume ur either violently ill or have a serious dick appointment.

From: Dan To: Louise 13:32pm :D thanks. srsly.

From: Louise To: Dan 13:33pm I expect details.

From: Dan To: Louise 13:34pm Don’t suppose I could wrangle Sunday too?

From: Louise To: Dan 13:34pm Don’t push it, Howell.

From: Dan To: Louise 13:40pm xxx

*

Despite his best efforts to remain cool and aloof, there eventually comes a point where Dan truly can’t resist looking over his shoulder any longer. He half-expects Phil to be looking right back at him. Instead, Phil is hunched over the small wooden desk in front of him, scrawling onto a pad of paper. His tongue pokes out of the corner of his mouth, a tiny pink rose petal, resting on the jut of his lower lip. Just then, Phil looks up, as if he can sense Dan’s break in resolve. His eyes are shining with excitement, which makes no sense, as they are stuck in detention with Mr Richardson for at least another twenty minutes.

Furtively, Phil looks to the front of the room, where Mr Richardson is steadfastly refreshing his LinkedIn page, and then back to Dan. He lifts the pad up to show him, beaming. Centre of the page is a pencil drawing of Dan, slumped over his desk, forehead resting on his hands, in the exact position he’d been in until about a minute ago. Dan rolls his eyes, mouthing ‘creeper’.

Phil puts the pad down, then holds up an index finger to Dan, a signal for him to wait a moment. Dan sighs, pretending that keeping his eyes trained on Phil is some great effort. Truthfully, he’s incredibly grateful for Phil’s presence here. Dan has spent a great deal of time in this very chair, at this very desk, wishing for any kind of distraction or entertainment. Usually he wishes for something banal, like Mr Richardson’s pen exploding, or the stoner kid who sometimes sits in the corner desk to catch his dreads on fire with the lighter he’s always flicking under the desk. But having Phil here is a miracle that Dan had never so much as dared to dream about. He’s a gorgeous beacon of pure light, sat just the other side of the room, all too happy to return Dan’s mildly creepy staring. He holds the pad up to Dan again; this time, there’s a message on it.

Still up for coming over for the weekend? After work obvs. 

P.S ur cute 

xx

Shaking his head, Dan mouths ‘no work today’. The joy of this news lights Phil’s eyes an even more radiant blue. Dan lets the smile teetering on the edge of his mouth fall across his face. A cough startles Dan out of the moment, and he turns to the front of the classroom in time to watch as Mr Richardson strides down the few desks towards Phil. He lifts the pad close to his nose to read it, then sighs heavily.

“Touching,” he says, drily. “But I think Daniel can wait to hear how ‘cute’ he is until after detention, don’t you?”

Mr Richardson lets the pad fall to Phil’s desk with a loud thwack. It makes Phil jump in his seat, adorably.

“How’d you know it was directed at me, Sir?” Dan finds himself asking. It’s too tempting to resist; that little pulsing vein in Mr Richardson’s neck is pounding away as always, just begging to be engorged. “I think he was angling it your way.”

Mr Richardson whirls around to face him. “Would you like for me to double your sentence, Mr Howell?”

“He’s just kidding, Sir,” Phil jumps in quickly, which is probably good as Dan had been about to suggest he and Mr Richardson skip the courting stage and go straight back to his place. “I won’t write any more notes. Sorry.”

With what seems to be a great deal of effort, Mr Richardson lets go of the tension in his shoulders and nods to Phil, then makes his way back to the front of class. Phil sends Dan a look, which obviously reads ‘stop being a prat’, so Dan smirks down at the homophobic graffiti on his desk, and tries to be a good student for the next eighteen minutes.

*

On his way out of detention, Dan is so steadfastly trying to keep his head down and not meet Mr Richardson’s eye that he barrels straight into Megan, the girl he sees in here most days. Her jet black hair is pulled into two ponytails either side of her head; it’s too short to be tied up properly, so they stick out like bundles of feathers, secured by bright pink and purple bobbles. If Dan cared enough to ask her about her unusual style choices - the shiny lime green Doc Martens, the string of ropey bracelets and sweatbands up her wrists, the chunky neon beads she wears around her neck when she can get away with it - he imagines she might say she’s ‘Scene’. It doesn’t seem to bother her that the era of the Scene Kid has, thankfully, for most, been abandoned in the late noughties.

“Shit, sorry,” Dan tells her when he crashes straight into her, hot on Phil’s tail.

She glowers at him. Her kohl eyeliner is thick and scary-looking. “Sorry? That’s rich.”

“Uh, what?”

“You and the art ponce?” She jabs a thumb towards the classroom door, where Phil is lurking, watching Megan with a startled expression. “Really?”

Bewildered by her sudden hostility when he’s spoken less than a sentence to Megan in all the time they’ve been stuck in detention together, Dan just stares. 

“Is there some kind of a problem?”

“After all this build-up between us, you go and date a random dude?”

“Build up?” Dan’s stare becomes a little panicked. He glances at Phil, who appears to be sniggering into his hand.

“You mean to tell me that you're in detention every time I am by chance?” She sneers derisively. “Pull the other one.”

“Um, Megan, is it?” Dan asks tentatively, taking a hasty but hopefully discreet step backwards.

She claps loudly. “Round of applause for the acting skill. Dan, is it?”

“Right, yeah.” He swallows. “I’m sorry but… I’m gay. Did you think…”

Something falls across her pale face, as if she’s been struck. “Gay,” she repeats, voice at a far more reasonable volume now. Her thick eyeliner just looks panda-ish, suddenly. She tugs her chewed cardigan sleeves down over her hands. “Not bi?”

“Nope,” Dan says. Crap, this is awkward. He’s never had to come out to a random stranger before. Although perhaps Megan would argue that they’re close friends. “Just boys.” He glances at Phil. “One boy, actually, now.”

“Oh,” Megan says. She looks hurt. “I thought… because you’re always in here when I am...”

“I’m in here pretty much every day,” Dan tells her. He gestures to Mr Richardson, who appears to have fallen asleep on his own shoulder. “Thanks to my number one fan over there.”

She closes her eyes, shaking her head. “It’s just… everyone’s bi now, y’know? I heard rumours about you some of the guys around town but… I thought you were just playing the long game with me.”

Dan is finding it very difficult to put himself in Megan’s shoes here - he can’t even remember a conversation he’s had with the girl, let alone a moment that might lead her to think he had some kind of romantic interest in her - but he nods sympathetically anyway, hoping it might lead to a faster escape.

“Sorry if I gave off signals or something,” he says, awkwardly.

She shrugs. “It’s okay.”

“Um, I’m sure you’ll find someone?”

She nods, sadly. “I guess. I mean, you did, right? Nobody saw that coming.”

“Yeah,” Dan says, inching around her towards the door. Phil is looking at him, eyes tinged with amusement. Dan sends him a withering look, then turns back to Megan. “Guess if I can snag someone, anyone can, right?”

*

“...you’re like one of those horses with the blinders on,” Phil tells him, hands either side of his eyes in demonstration. “You’re so oblivious to all the people lusting after you every day-”

“Oh, come off it,” Dan interrupts, eyes rolling backwards. “Lusting. Please.”

“Dan, you’re off-the-charts gorgeous,” Phil says. He grabs hold of Dan’s hand and tucks it into his coat. It’s because Dan doesn’t have gloves on - doesn’t own any, even. It’s a sweet gesture, but it makes walking beside Phil a little awkward, especially when other people are walking the other way and have to squeeze past them. “You must see how people look at you.”

Dan shrugs, embarrassed. “Creepy guys at Ozone maybe. Girls, though? Like, actual, reasonably attractive girls. Why the fuck would they want a lanky, perpetually bruised idiot with too many holes in his flesh?”

Phil stops them mid-pavement, pulling Dan towards him, until they’re chest to chest. 

“Because, in an emo, heroin chic way, you’re extremely sexy,” he says, then kisses him. Dan tries to be annoyed that Phil basically just called him a 2002 Pete Wentz, but Phil’s tongue is distracting. It flicks against Dan’s lower lip, where the cut is still healing. “Miss the lip ring, though,” Phil murmurs. “That completed the look.”

“I can prob’ly re-pierce it,” Dan replies, muffled because Phil won’t stop kissing for even a second. “If it turns you on that much.”

Phil laughs, breaking away. “You don’t need a lip ring to do that.”

*

“I don’t like detention,” Phil says, then licks a long line up Dan’s throat.

“No?” Dan gasps out, fingers digging into Phil’s shoulders. He can feel one of the framed, childhood photos of Phil digging into his back, threatening to fall once Phil releases him. “I find Mr Richardson’s lectures on respecting teachers truly scintillating.”

“No, I don’t,” Phil says, pushing their mouths together greedily. “Two hours in a classroom, staring at you, nothing to do but think about all the time wasted that I could have spent doing this.”

“An hour and a half,” Dan corrects, so Phil kisses him harder to quiet him, hands planted on Dan’s hips.

In his time, Dan’s had plenty of selfish, greedy assholes backing him into corners, but nobody he’s ever actually wanted this badly. They’d barely gotten in Phil’s front door before Dan found himself pressed up against the wall of the entrance hallway; they’ve not even taken off their shoes. Vaguely, Dan registers a noise in the distance, and reasons it must be a dog in another room. Phil doesn’t seem to notice the noise, too focused on how far he can slide his hand up Dan’s shirt without removing it entirely. The noise gets closer, and Dan realises blearily, belatedly, that Phil doesn’t own a dog.

Just as this realisation crests, Mrs Lester rounds the corner. “Phil, love is that- oh!”

Phil jumps back at the sound of his mum’s voice, but it’s too late. She’s already seen the worst of it. Dan waits for the ground beneath him to split into a gaping hole into which he can tumble, but presumably because God hates him, it doesn’t happen.

“Mum!” Phil exclaims, breathless.

Dan runs a hand through his hair. “H-hi, Mrs Lester. Kath. Mrs Lester.”

She’s wide-eyed, cheeks rosy pink. In her hands she holds a pair of socks, which she seems to have forgotten are there. “Phil, could I have a quick word?”

Phil tosses Dan a look of apology, then follows him mum through the lounge and into the kitchen. Dan waits for a minute or so, straightening his shirt, trying not to think the worst, and then can’t battle his paranoia any longer. He creeps into the lounge, listening hard to the hushed conversation from the next room. If he stands in the space beside the bookshelf, he can just about make it out, whilst avoiding being seen.

“...thought you’d be gone already.”

“Yes, I can see that, love.”

There’s a pause; Dan can hear his own heart thumping.

“So, you and Dan are…”

“Yeah.”

“I see. How long have you been…?”

“Um, about two weeks? Just over.”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“Mum,” Phil says, clearly embarrassed.

“You could have told me, you know.”

“I was going to,” Phil insists. “I just… I wanted to make sure it wasn’t all going to explode. I don’t wanna pressure him. He’s even told me he doesn’t like people at school talking about us. He doesn’t even care about them. But he likes you, I know he does. I haven’t had a chance to ask him what he’d think about you knowing. If it might be a bit much for him. I’m just- I’m so scared I’m gonna say something wrong and he’s gonna bolt. You know what he’s like.”

Dan frowns. Phil is really worried that he’s going to bolt?

“Okay, I understand your concerns,” Kath says, kindly. “But I still think if he’s going to be staying here, I ought to be aware-”

“Yeah, I know, you’re right. I’m sorry,” Phil says. “But nothing’s changed really. He’s just been coming over for Buffy marathons and hot chocolate after he’s finished work, like always.”

“Hmm, well that certainly was not a Buffy marathon I just walked in on.”

Phil laughs, and Dan thinks he hears Kath tittering too. “Sorry you had to see that. So embarrassing.”

Kath sighs, and there’s shuffling noises. Dan thinks maybe she’s giving Phil a hug. “I’m happy for you, sweetheart. Hope you know that.”

“You are?” Phil’s voice is muffled, like he’s speaking into her shoulder.

“Just took me by surprise is all. I mean, I always wondered if maybe you had a little crush on him…”

“I think, in hindsight, it was quite a bit more than a little crush.”

Another long pause. “Well, Dan’s a very lucky boy, then.”

“You’re really okay with it? He can still come over in the week and stuff?”

“Of course,” Kath replies in that kindly, mumsy voice Dan loves her for. His heart aches at the sound of her easy, ready acceptance. She makes motherhood seem so simple. She’s an open book, filled with endless words of love and support, more than happy for anyone who needs it to rip out a page. She saves the best of her chapters for Phil, of course. But there’s some passages bookmarked especially for Dan, too. “Do be careful with him, won’t you, Phil?” Her voice is thick with concern. “That scary mask he wears might fool some people, but you and I know it’s made of thin, breakable glass.”

Dan frowns again, mildly irritated that she sees him as a fragile little flower, but he has to begrudgingly admit that Kath has never once fallen for his tough-guy façade. The first time he ever met her, he was his usual cagey and brooding self, unconcerned with making a good impression on any parent. But much in the same way Phil had, she wore his shell away with persistent sweetness. She invited him to stay for dinner, and gave him second helpings without asking, then chocolate biscuits with tea. She asked him a thousand questions, and didn’t mind if he preferred not to answer them, but listened intently if he did. She told funny stories about Phil as a kid. She told him to come back anytime he wanted, even though he was basically a dick all night. She’d been unrelentingly nice and caring, in a way that Dan had never before felt from an adult.

“Don’t worry,” Phil assures her. “I think I’d give him the whole world if I could.”

“And… what happened to that Amanda girl you brought round? I thought you were besotted with her?”

Dan’s stomach clenches.

“We’re just friends.” The surety in Phil’s voice is like a blanket Dan wants to clutch to his chest.

“Okay then. Well, I guess I’d better get going,” Kath says in a sigh. “I was just finishing packing.”

“Tell Auntie Pat I say hi,” Phil says. “And stroke Mittens for me.”

Alarmed by the movement he suddenly hears, Dan sneaks back through the lounge towards the hall, managing to make it out just before Phil and his mum exit the kitchen. 

“Phil, just one last thing,” Kath says from the lounge, her voice so quiet Dan can hardly pick it up. “You two will be safe, won’t you?”

“Oh my God, Mum, please-”

“Phil, I’m asking for your own good-”

Dan has to clap a hand over his mouth to stop the laugh escaping.

“Yes, fine, wow, we’ll be safe I promise.” Phil says in a rushed garble. “Now I never ever want to speak about this again.”

Kath laughs quietly. “Fine. You’re sensible, I know. But I am your mother, I have to make sure.”

When Phil rounds the corner, he looks vaguely traumatised. Kath is right behind him, a calm smile on her face. Dan smiles back, unsurely, trying to seem as though he has no idea what they’ve been discussing. Kath crosses the hall towards him at once, and wraps him in her arms. Dan feels a little choked up, but manages to remain composed enough to return the hug, gently patting her on the shoulder. She releases him without comment, for which Dan is incredibly grateful, and then starts up the stairs.

“There’s plenty of food in the house boys,” she says as she goes. “Help yourselves, both of you. I’ll be back on Sunday.”

Once she’s out of sight, Phil begins spewing apologies. “...had no idea, I thought she’d have left ages ago because we were all that time in detention-”

“Phil, it’s okay,” Dan says, laughing. “Mortifying, obviously. But not the worst position I’ve been caught in by someone’s mum. And your mum is by far the coolest.”

“Bit of a mood killer, though,” Phil says, sighing.

Dan grimaces. “Yeah.”

They stand in silence for a moment, both reliving the look on Kath’s face as she’d first caught sight of them.

“Wanna watch a film for a while? Take our minds off it?”

“Absolutely.”

*

Three hours after Kath leaves, and they’re on their second film of the evening - Forgetting Sarah Marshall. It’s not helping ease the tension hovering around them, because Phil had said right at the beginning that he’d always kind of fancied Russell Brand, and now it’s all Dan can think about.

“Would you have sex with him?”

Phil wrinkles his nose. “Dunno.”

“Like, if he was here right now,” Dan persists. “Leather trousers, birds nest hair. Asks you to pop your kit off and join him in the cupboard.”

Phil laughs, playing with a popcorn kernel from the almost empty bowl. “Um, no.”

“No?” Dan turns, avidly interested, as ever, in Phil’s elusive sexual preferences. “Why not? He’s had the experience. So, he’d probably be decent at it, at least.”

“Yeah, well, even so.”

There’s something halting, maybe even reluctant about Phil’s tone. Dan might be imagining it, but he thinks Phil’s mildly uncomfortable with this discussion. Dan decides to prod just one last time, to see if he can get whatever the discomfort is out of him, and then he’ll drop it.

“Is it ‘cos he looks a bit, like, grubby?”

Phil laughs again; his cheeks have turned pink. He flicks the popcorn kernel away. “Look, I’m sure Russell’s great in bed. Fantastic, maybe. But right now, I only wanna have sex with you.”

The breath catches in Dan’s throat. As the unexpected statement sinks into his skin, the tension he and Phil have been stewing in fizzles away. He crawls across the sofa - Dan had jumped to the opposite side of it after a startling reappearance of Kath, hands over her eyes, shouting something about leaving her scarf behind and that she wasn’t looking - until he’s close enough to straddle Phil’s lap. He winds his arms around Phil’s neck and kisses him, slowly, taking his time, because they have oodles of it. 

Phil is eager and responsive in the way that Dan imagines he might have been himself, if his first time had been with someone he actually liked. Dan had been too young to appreciate what he was losing, and to whom; he regrets it immensely. He’s determined that Phil’s experience will be different. This sweet, incredible boy deserves so much more than some vaguely nauseating fuck in the back of a car that’s over in less than a minute, and that the other party won’t even remember. If Dan is honest, he believes that Phil deserves more than anything Dan can possibly offer, but if Dan is what he wants, then Dan will do his best to make it perfect.

They’re just getting into it, just starting to find their way beneath hems and waistbands, when the doorbell rings.

They break apart, a little dazed.

“We could ignore it?” Phil suggests, and Dan is more than on board, so swoops back in to kiss him again.

A minute passes, and then it rings again.

Dan sighs, reaching for the remote to shut Russell up once and for all, then climbs off Phil’s lap. Phil stands a little shakily, smoothing down his school uniform, and goes to get the door. Dan idly flicks through his Twitter timeline on his phone, waiting for him to return.

“Amanda,” Phil says, somewhere in the background. Dan shoots upright, swivelling to look. He can just make out Phil, and a vague, familiar silhouette on the doorstep. Her brown curls give her away.

“Hey,” Amanda says. “Is this a bad time?”

Dan gets up, his feet marching him to the door without his permission.

“Well, actually,” Phil starts to say, but then Dan is at his elbow. Phil blinks at him, worriedly.

“She wanted to talk to you,” Dan says. “She told me. You should invite her in.”

*

“I can leave, if you want,” Dan says, because nobody is saying anything.

Phil sits up straight, staring at him. “No, don’t.”

“It’s okay, I can go for a walk or-”

“Actually, I wanted to talk to both of you.”

They both turn to Amanda, vaguely worried. She’s got her hair in a messy ponytail, and is wearing jeans, which Dan cannot remember ever seeing on her before. He doesn’t remember her being at school today either.

“Okay,” Phil says. “Did you want a drink or something? I’ve got tea, or-”

“No, it’s okay. I won’t stay long.”

Dan stares at her hands, clasped in her lap. Her French manicure tips are peeling off. She’s sat in the exact spot on the sofa where Dan had been perched atop Phil’s lap not ten minutes ago.

“I basically just wanted to tell you both that there are no hard feelings,” she says carefully. She aims a smile at each of them, though it doesn’t reach her eyes. “At least on my end.”

“That’s good to know,” Phil says, softly. The guilt is still coursing through him, it’s plain to see.

Dan doesn’t respond. He can feel his fingernails digging into his palm, the way they tend to do when he’s trying to suppress some awful emotion he doesn’t want to feel.

“I really am happy for you both,” Amanda continues. She clears her throat, a tiny, perfect crease between her plucked brows. “I know you feel like you used me, Phil. And Dan, I know you must think I’m, like, the ultimate cockblock.”

You have no idea, Dan thinks privately.

“But I’m glad that, even though I didn’t know it at first, I was able to help you both to get what you really wanted.” In her following sigh, Dan’s suspicions are confirmed; this touching speech is not the real reason she’s here. “But - and again, I’m not blaming you guys - after all that’s happened, I’m sort of... in a tricky spot.”

Phil is immediately alarmed. “Is it Hardy? Is he bothering you again?” Dan considers ramming his fingers in his ears so he can drown out the concern in Phil’s voice. He turns to Dan. “You said you scared him off.”

“How is this my fault?” Dan snaps. “If he’s harassing her it’s not because I didn’t punch him hard enough. It’s because he’s a knob.”

The response is about to trip of Phil’s tongue, but Amanda gets there first. “No, guys, it’s not Hardy. Well, not directly.” She shifts in her seat. “The Elite gang are pretty harsh about anyone that doesn’t follow la regle de jeu.”

“La what?”

“The rules of the game,” Dan mutters; Phil glances at him, surprised. “Their game. Shocker, really. They always seemed such an easygoing bunch.”

Amanda raises her eyebrows at him. “Yes, we’ve established that I’m an idiot for going anywhere near them, Dan.”

It’s infuriating that she doesn’t ever try to defend herself. Dan’s not used to having someone so readily accept their own folly. Her acknowledgments knock Dan’s insults right back over to him, and he’s never prepared to swing his racket in time to catch them.  

“Wait, so, it’s all of them?” Phil asks, clearly not following the game. “The whole Elite gang are giving you trouble?”

“Have you ever seen Mean Girls?” Amanda asks. “It’s not like they’re knocking my books out of my hands, or shoving me into lockers. But they’re bitchy and they’ve got the whole school under their thumbs. Together, they’re perfectly capable of destroying my life, and they seem pretty intent on it.”

“Are you saying that going to Prom with Phil is akin to committing ‘social suicide’?” Dan asks bitterly, putting the Mean Girls term in a fake American accent. “What a touching sentiment.” He scoffs. “I’m so sick of this stupid playground drama. What are we, twelve?”

“Dan,” Phil warns.

“No, I get it,” Amanda says, looking down. “He’s right. It’s completely pathetic. Even when I was taking part in it, I hated it. Keeping up with the Elites was exhausting. The constant battle for Queen Bee. The lies and the backstabbing, everyone secretly despising each other. And being with Hardy was just embarrassing. Everyone knew he was cheating. The whole discussed it,  laughed about it, and I had to pretend like I was too ditzy, too lovesick over him to notice.” She puts her head in her hands. “I thought that, maybe, if I took a huge leap, right back over the tracks, I could escape it. That’s why I said yes to you when you asked me, Phil. I saw a chance at some normalcy and I took it. It wasn’t fair of me, I know that. But in a way, we were both sort of using each other, right?” 

There’s a lull in the discussion; Phil aims a worried look in Dan’s direction. Dan begins chewing the skin around his thumbnail. 

“I’m sorry that I’m even asking this,” Amanda says then. She looks up at Phil, then at Dan, eyes shining. “But I need your help.”

Phil sucks in a breath. “What is it?”

Something in Dan’s chest crumbles and breaks away. It seems so unlikely that Phil could be over her, if he’s this willing to jump to her aid, even now.

“It’s not much,” Amanda says quickly. “School is over in a couple of months. I just want to get through it. Lillian and the others are turning the whole school against me. People say horrible things. They leave notes in my locker. They spread rumours. I’m sure you’ve heard.”

Now that she mentions it, Dan does recall hearing a few strange things about her recently. He hadn’t paid much attention - he’s usually bored to tears by high school gossip - but hearing that she’d been seen leaving the Savoy hotel in a new designer dress on the arm of a seventy year old man, or on the other end of the spectrum, dancing on a pole in a poor, cheap disguise at a seedy strip club two towns over, had caught his attention.

“What can we do?” Phil asks. 

Dan wants to make it very clear right now that he is not, and will not ever be, getting involved in this. His mouth won’t seem to form the words, though. 

“I need friends,” Amanda says. Dan waits, but this appears to be the extent of it. “Just to hold the rumours off a bit. If they think I have people on my side, maybe they’d be less vicious. All you’d have to do is sit with me a few times at lunch, or hang out with me outside of school now and again. Maybe I could come to the café every once in a while? Then you wouldn’t even have to make the effort-”

“Amanda,” Phil interrupts. “It’s fine. Of course we’ll be your friends.”

The relief on her face is too overwhelming to be faked. Even so, Dan is not willing to offer his own services as a friend. It’s taken him this long to be comfortable with having just one. Even Lee is still on a trial period. 

“It’s just until school’s over,” she says again. “I just can’t take it on my own. I thought I could, and I tried, but they’re just… they’re terrible people. Lillian’s sister is in Aidan’s class, I’m so worried about what could get back to him-”

“It’s okay.” Phil’s smiling, happy this has all been cleared up so neatly. “I got you into this mess, it’s the least I can do.” He turns. “Right, Dan?”

Dan tears a strip of skin from his thumb with his teeth. He wants so badly to say no. He wants things to go back to how they were, for Amanda to crawl back to Hardy, who would undoubtedly be all too happy for the only believable beard he’s ever grown to fix itself back in place. But for some reason, Amanda “Elitist” Jones is suddenly hellbent on doing the right thing. Even Dan knows that to refuse being someone’s friend, for two measly months, is a dick move that cannot be justified, no matter how suspicious he might be of potential motives. If he says his no, Phil won’t understand. He’ll be angry. Their weekend will be ruined, and so might be their future.

So, Dan swallows it all down. “Yeah, totally.”

Phil beams at Amanda. “Oh, by the way, I have your jacket.” He stands suddenly, and Dan feels a little ill. “Wait here.”

He jogs out of the room before Dan can beg him to stay, leaving he and Amanda alone. She fixes him with a knowing stare. “You’re not happy with this.”

Dan thinks about lying, but decides against it. “No, I’m not. You could beg anyone to be your friend for two months. The Elites might be getting people to shun you, but you’re still Amanda Jones. Just smile sweetly and anyone in St Anthony’s would do whatever you say.”

“Exactly,” Amanda says. “I want real friends. People who I can actually talk to. Not Elite wannabes that put me on some ridiculous pedestal, only hanging out with me because they see an open position on the throne.”

“I just don’t see why it has to be him,” Dan says, gripping the arm of the chair. 

“Him?” Amanda’s smile is as treacherous as it is sincere. “Dan, I want to be friends with you.”

*

As usual, the dust takes a while to settle in the wake of Amanda’s departure. Phil brings Dan a mug of tea, handing it over cautiously. Still sat in the same position in the armchair, Dan takes it from him, still mulling over all that’s happened. 

“So,” Phil says, perching on the arm of the sofa. He sips from his own mug. “That was unexpected.”

“Mmm,” Dan says. His mind is whirring, producing the kind of noise Phil’s laptop makes when it’s overheating from excess Sims playing. “Guess we’re all besties now.”

“Is it a problem for you?”

Dan considers this, finger skimming around the rim of his mug. “I think... I can get past it.”

Phil nods unsurely, scrutinising Dan’s glazed expression. “You sure? If it really bothers you, we can try and find another way.”

Dan takes a sip of his tea. It’s faintly sweet, because Phil knows Dan too well to believe him when he says he doesn’t take sugar.

“Just don’t fall in love with her,” Dan says into the mug. He means it to come out as a joke, but inevitably it’s spoken quiet and sombre.

Phil puts his mug down, then walks to Dan. He takes him by the hand and pulls him from the chair, then wraps him in a hug. “No chance of that,” he says into Dan’s forehead. “I’ve got something a thousand times better.”

*

“No!”

Dan wakes up with a jolt, hands coming up to cover his face, because shouts usually mean he’s about to get smacked. He hears a quiet ‘shit’ and then arms come around his shoulders; his heart slows gradually, and then Dan remembers where he is, and that he’s unlikely to be in danger of getting pounded in Phil’s bedroom. At least not in any way he’d need to defend himself from.

He lowers his hands, blinking in the darkness. “The fuck?”

“Sorry,” Phil whispers, guiltily. “Didn’t mean to frighten you. We fell asleep.”

Dan squints, trying to piece this together. “So you screamed ‘no’ in my ear?”

“I’m annoyed at myself,” Phil explains. “We’re supposed to be in the throes of passion.”

Dan snorts, falling back to the pillows, exhausted. “Russell’s a bad influence on you.”

Phil prods him in the arm, then falls back beside him. “I’m sorry. I promised you a weekend of sordid, non-stop lovemaking. So far, the two worst people that could have interrupted us mid-sexy-times did, and now we’ve fallen asleep in our not very arousing Elmo and Game Of Thrones pyjamas.”

Dan laughs tiredly, eyes already re-closing. “We’ve got loads of time for all that.”

“Tomorrow I’m gonna ravish you,” Phil warns, though by the sounds of it he’s already half-unconscious.

“I’d better prepare my body for the ravishing ahead.”

Phil swats him in the arm. “You’d better, Howell.”

*

They don’t get up until noon, for no good reason other than Phil’s bed is ridiculously comfy. Dan wakes up with his nose in Phil’s neck, so he presses a kiss there, then another, and eventually Phil stirs.

“Hey,” Dan says, then rolls on top of him.

Phil’s blue eyes blink up at him, wide and surprised by the sudden change in positions. “H-hey,” he says. “What’s-”

Dan leans in and kisses the question away. Somehow, Phil still tastes wonderful, even first thing in the morning. Dan can’t be sure the same can be said about his own morning breath. He lets himself sink into the kiss regardless, hands beginning to wander beneath the covers, skidding over the strip of skin where Phil’s pyjama top has ridden up in the night.

Phil’s breath hitches, and then his hands come to Dan’s shoulders, gently rolling him off. Dan sits up, worried. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Phil says quickly, sitting up as well. The covers fall to his waist. He gives Dan a reassuring smile. “Sorry, just… too hot.” There’s a pause as Dan digests this lame excuse. “I’ll make some tea. Do you want some tea?”

“Um,” Dan says, thrown. “Coffee, maybe?”

“Sure,” Phil says, tossing the covers aside.

He stands up quickly, snatching the mugs they’d used last night from the bedside table. Once he’s left the room, Dan stays put for a second, trying to figure out the next what might have just gone wrong. Eventually, he decides to quell his pounding paranoid thoughts, and follow Phil downstairs. In the kitchen, Phil is whistling away as he clatters mugs and kettles about, happy as a clam. Though he finds this sudden turnaround odd, Dan makes the choies to just forget about it. Perhaps Phil was just hot and uncomfortable in the first few minutes of waking, like he said. Or, more likely, maybe Dan’s breath was actually too terrible to withstand the kissing a moment longer, let alone anything else.

“I’m just gonna go brush my teeth,” Dan calls to Phil, making him jump. He turns, hand on his heart, giggling at himself.

“Cool, do you want some toast?”

“Sounds great,” Dan says, then heads for the bathroom.

They eat toast on the sofa together, watching Good Morning Britain.

Licking the crumbs from his fingers, Dan says, “Piers Morgan’s definitely the kind of guy who’d refuse to go down on his wife, but expect her to give him a twenty minute blowjob.” Dan turns to Phil, who is staring at him dazedly. “Like DJ Khaled. Y’know?”

Phil’s eyes are glazed, fixed on Dan’s fingers. His plate of toast crusts is slipping off his lap.

“Phil?” Dan asks. 

He focuses suddenly, snapped back into the room. “Hm? Sorry, what was the question?”

Dan regards him curiously, lowering his fingers from his mouth. “Don’t worry,” he says, turning back to the TV.

A couple of hours later, they’re still on the sofa, because they’re lazy and it’s the weekend. Dan has his feet on Phil’s lap, his back against the other end of the sofa. They’re watching Jeremy Kyle, one of Dan’s all time favourite shows, and laughing at the ridiculous drama erupting on stage.

“To be honest, if some chick told me my boyfriend had fucked her brother and her Dad, I’d probably tackle him on live TV too,” Dan says. He’s got one arm behind his head, and the other resting across his stomach, idly tickling the skin on show. He turns to Phil, amused by the antics on screen. “So don’t try anything, yeah?”

Again, Phil is doing that strange, distant stare. This time his eyes are firmly fixed on Dan’s abdomen, pupils moving in time with the back and forth of Dan’s fingers. A slow smile creeps over Dan’s face, and realisation dawns.

“Phil,” he says again. His voice is a fair bit lower now. “Phil?”

“Hm?” Phil’s eyes are still trained on his fingers, so Dan pushes them just under the waistband of his pyjama bottoms, and Phil looks up, cheeks pink. “Is there something you want?”

Phil swallows. “I was just…”

Dan sits up, feet lifting from Phil’s lap, and closes the gap separating them. He reaches for the remote, switching off the TV, and brings his mouth to Phil’s ear. 

“You can have me whenever you want, you know,” he purrs. “If the staring isn’t doing it for you.”

A shiver goes through Phil, Dan can feel it. He slides onto Phil’s lap for the second time this weekend, careful to watch his face for any sign he might not be into this. There’s an uncertainty in his eyes that Dan wants to get rid of, so he settles himself atop Phil’s thighs, and brings Phil’s hands to his hips.

“You still up for some…” Dan arches an eyebrow. “Fun?”

Phil swallows again, his hands tightening on Dan’s hips. “Yes.” He sighs, eyes fluttering closed. “Sorry. I’m just… nervous, I think.”

“Of me?”

“No,” Phil says in a breath. Dan can feel his leg jiggling, because he’s sat on it. “I just… I mean, I know you’ve done this a lot.”

“Wow,” Dan says, sitting back a little. “Cheers.”

“I’m just kinda daunted,” Phil explains. “What if I suck?”

Dan has to fight the laugh that bubbles up rather hard, and he doesn’t entirely succeed. “Um…”

Phil pokes him in the side, making him yelp. “You know what I mean.”

“Hm,” Dan says, already sliding off Phil’s lap, onto the floor. He kneels on the carpet, a hand on each of Phil’s knees. “Sounds like your worries have got you quite worked up.” Phil’s mouth has fallen into a little ‘o’. Gently, Dan pushes Phil’s knees apart. “Let me…” Dan bites his lip, holding Phil’s gaze. “Help you to relax.”

He waits just enough time for Phil to have the option of refusing, but he remains blissfully, mercifully quiet, just watching Dan with wide, fluttery eyes. As Dan leans forwards, tracing his tongue along the seams running along Phil’s inner thighs, Dan imagines he can hear an Angelic chorus. He curls his fingers around the waistband of Phil’s trousers, inching them down, eyes locked on Phil’s, just in case he might protest.

“Lift,” Dan whispers once they’ve reached a point he can’t pull them past. It takes a moment for it to register, then Phil cants his hips upwards, and Dan tugs. The dark hair beginning at his bellybutton snakes down, spreading into a tight thicket at the base of a long, thick, flushed cock. Dan can feel his mouth filling with saliva at the mere sight. “Fuck-ing hell,” he breathes, wonderingly, and wraps his fingers around it, forgetting to stop and ask if it’s still okay. “Phil, you’re gorgeous.”

Phil’s hips twitch, and Dan reorients himself, remembering that this is, in all likelihood the first time anyone’s touched Phil this way, aside from his own hand. Dan moves his hand gently, watching the expressions of awe flicker across Phil’s face. He’s breathing in short stutters, hips twitching forwards, like he wants to thrust into Dan’s fist. It takes about a minute of gently pumping his curled fingers up and down, before Dan’s resolve breaks. He leans in, fist still wrapped around the base of him, and swirls his tongue around the head.

Phil sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth, one hand flying out to rest atop Dan’s head. “Fuck,” he says, eloquent as ever. 

Dan lets out as snort of laughter, which comes out as a pulse of breath through his nose. Phil tastes so good. He tastes as delicious as he does everywhere else, like he’s got waffle syrup pumping through his veins instead of blood. Dan knows, the second Phil’s flavour spreads across his tongue, that he’s addicted to it. He sinks his mouth over Phil’s length, chasing more, already so blissed out it’s a wonder he can stay focused; he’s wanted this for so long that it’s practically torturous to finally receive it. Like giving a child access to an entire candy store, allowing it to gorge itself, after months of only peering longingly through the locked doors. A whimper falls from Phil’s lips, scraping past Dan’s ears on its way to the floor. Dan pockets it for later, knowing it will be very helpful for the late nights Dan spends alone, thinking about all the many, many ways he wants to make Phil come.

“Dan…” Phil chokes out, sounding strained. Blindly, Dan reaches out a hand, and Phil threads his fingers through it immediately. “Dan, fuck. I don’t think I’m gonna last very l-long.”

Ignoring him entirely, Dan just sinks deeper, unable to suppress a groan, born from the thrill that courses down his spine as he feels the length of Phil’s cock sliding down his throat. He goes slowly at first, letting Phil slip in and out of him gently as he bobs his head. But Phil’s whimpers are turning into needy little whines, his hips are threatening to push further into the cavern of Dan’s mouth. So Dan places a hand on Phil’s upper thigh, and picks up the pace. It’s beyond any kind of pleasure Dan’s ever known, to watch, to feel, to taste, as Phil completely falls apart under his ministrations. He meets Phil’s eyes, holding the gaze because he wants to witness every last second. Phil’s got a hand threaded into Dan’s curls, pushing the hair from his eyes. Dan’s name falls like dewdrops from his reddened lips.

And then, just as he warned, it seems he can’t hold on any longer. He tastes like sweet, sun-warmed rainwater as he floods Dan’s mouth. In Dan’s wildest imaginings of this moment, of which there have been many, he never once dreamed of spitting it out, and now, he wouldn’t do it if you paid him. He swallows all of it down, then lets Phil slip out of his mouth slowly, missing the thick, heavy weight of him on his tongue the moment it’s gone. He sits back on his ankles, breathing ragged, and untangles their fingers.

“Feeling a little less tense?”

Phil still appears to be struggling to glide back down to the real world. He sits up, with some effort, and latches his pupil-blown eyes onto Dan’s. “Come here,” he demands, croakily.

Dan’s never been one to deny Phil, and it would be hopeless to think he could start now. He hops up, clambering back into Phil’s lap happily. The moment he’s close enough, Phil drags him in for a kiss. Dan tries to stop him, knowing he’ll only be tasting himself, but apparently this doesn’t seem to bother Phil. He kisses Dan deeply, hungrily, hands slipping straight under his t-shirt, and then pulling it off entirely. Dan chuckles at his eagerness, and then abruptly stops laughing when Phil reaches between them, to press his palm against Dan’s erection, through his pyjamas. Instinctively, Dan bucks into the touch, hands going for the back of Phil’s head. Phil strokes his thumb across the very spot where the tip of Dan’s cock pokes against the fabric. Dan tilts his head to one side, and Phil’s mouth goes straight for the exposed neck, kissing and biting at it.

“Not fair,” Dan complains, though he’s urging Phil onwards with a hand on the back of his head. “You know that’s my weakness.”

Phil finishes sucking what Dan imagines is a very large bruise, then leans back, eyes sparkling. “I warned you I’d give you another one to match.”

“Lesters always follow through,” Dan jokes, and Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s bare waist, pressing a kiss to his chest.

“Will you come upstairs with me?”

Dan is a little surprised, but he nods regardless. He climbs off Phil’s lap, realising for the first time just how ridiculously, achingly hard he is, mostly because of how lightheaded he feels when he attempts to stand. Luckily, Phil, pyjama trousers pulled back up, takes hold of his hand and leads him up to his room. As soon as they’re inside, Phil shoves Dan backwards, sending him sprawling across the bed.

“Hey,” Dan complains, though he’s laughing. “Didn’t know you were into BDSM.”

“You would look pretty hot tied up,” Phil says unexpectedly, scooting around the bed to dig in his bedside drawer. “But maybe we could try that another time, when I’m less terrified.”

For a moment, the smile on Dan’s face freezes. “You’re terrified?” He watches Phil, concerned. “You don’t have to do anything, you know. We can just leave it for now-”

Phil jumps up onto the bed, pulling off his t-shirt. It’s a very effective method of shutting Dan up, as he’s got a gorgeous body, lean and tapered, with big shoulders and a defined waist. Dan reaches out to grab at him, his hopeless arousal muddying his conscience. 

“I think I’d be terrified even if we waited for the wedding day,” Phil says, which makes Dan splutter. “You’re just…” Phil trails a hand down Dan’s torso, lightly sweeping across the skin, side to side. “You’re unbelievably beautiful. On top of everything else.”

Dan thinks about asking what ‘everything else’ is, but knows all too well that Phil’s misguided notions about Dan’s personality are difficult to listen to. Instead, he asks, “what can I do to make you less scared?”

Instinctively, Dan’s hand lands on Phil’s, stilling him as he brushes over the burn scar on his left side. But Phil reaches down and removes it, then leans down to press soft, careful lips against the shiny pink skin. Dan’s eyes sting.

“Just tell me if it feels good,” Phil says as he leans back up. He plucks what looks like a small bottle of lubricant from the pocket of his pyjama trousers.

“Phil, if you knew how many times I’ve dreamt of you... of this...” Dan starts to say, then shakes his head, smiling faintly. “I don’t think it’s possible for you to not make me come, like, ridiculously hard.”

He looks a little dazed at this information, but Phil nods, then slips his fingers into Dan’s waistband, and pulls. Dan lifts his hips so Phil can slide them off, watching Phil’s expression closely as he drinks in the sight of Dan’s entirely naked body for the first time. Dan’s cock twitches, as if it knows it’s being closely observed.

“Shit, Dan,” Phil breathes. His hands are free-roaming over the miles of Dan’s skin now on show. “I want to draw you like this,” Phil says. He trickles light, teasing fingers from Dan’s sternum to his pelvis. “Would you let me?”

“R-right now?”

Phil laughs. “No, not right now.” He settles into a position, half laid on top of Dan, then sends him a mischievous glance. “I have things to take care of.”

Phil picks up the bottle of lubricant, which has fallen to the bed, and uncaps it. He pours some into his palm, then pauses, and squeezes out a little more. He rubs it between his hands for a moment, then, before Dan can stop him, wraps a hand around Dan’s erection.

“Ah! Shit,” Dan exclaims, laughing a little.

Phil freezes instantly. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just freezing,” Dan replies, still chuckling. “Maybe warm it with your hands a little more next time?”

Phil joins in the laughter, nodding. “Sorry.” 

He doesn’t get a chance to expand on his apology, because right then he starts moving his hand, the slick lubricant creating an indescribable friction, one that pushes a moan from Dan’s throat, has him arching his head backwards into the pillows. Phil drapes over him, hand still slowly pumping around Dan’s cock. He presses damp, messy kisses against Dan’s neck, bracing his face above Dan’s with an elbow beside his head. 

“Does it feel good?”

Dan groans, hands finding Phil’s shoulders. “So fucking good.”

Spurred on by the news, Phil speeds up, at which point Dan’s eyelids screw shut, and he bows forwards into Phil’s neck.

“Look at me,” Phil whispers then. It’s an unexpected command, but Dan does it nonetheless, lifting his head to stare into Phil’s eyes.

He can only hold it for a moment before he has to look away again, but Phil is not having it. He releases his hold on Dan’s erection, which briefly makes Dan want to die. Phil reaches up to tilt Dan’s chin back around, forcing their eyes to meet again.

“Please, I want to see you,” Phil whispers, pressing their lips together. “Will you?”

Tears sting Dan’s eyes, and he’s not sure why. There’s something about this that feels too much, like he’s about to slip under a turbulent, roiling ocean. The press of Phil’s body on top of his is overwhelming; Dan can feel connecting of their skin seemingly at every join, can feel their hearts beating in rhythm, their breaths synchronised. Phil is warmth, and light, and sweet, pure love; it sounds absurd, but pressed together as they are, Dan can feel all of it sinking into him, through his pores, to the sinew and muscle beneath. He feels the incredible swell of Phil’s adoration, and it’s dizzying, maddening to know, deeply, that it’s all for him. 

Phil’s hand wraps back around his cock, and Dan tries with all he has to keep his eyes locked on Phil’s like he wants. But two tears spill over, and he has to shut them, to blink them away. Phil kisses him fiercely, like he’s been missing out on the taste of Dan’s mouth for years. Like he’s been battling far away in some great unknown war, with Dan left alone, waiting for him, and now he’s returned, and he’s determined to drown them together, in the love they couldn’t swim in whilst they were parted.

Something cataclysmic builds in Dan’s chest, something terrifying and enormous, so unfamiliar that Dan wonders if he’s on the brink of death. He feels everything Phil is pouring onto him in this moment through their locked eyes, feels the weight of his suppressed yearning. And then it explodes through him, a tidalwave of blinding, electrifying ecstasy, ebbing out to the very tips of his toes. He breathes heavily, gripping onto the only life raft he has: Phil, still above him, floating on the edge of this tsunami, sure, and strong, and safe.

When it’s over, Dan washes ashore, back into the familiar blue and green bedclothes he’s been curled in so many times. Phil rolls to the side, and Dan crashes onto his chest, limp and utterly boneless.

“Was I okay?” Phil asks, tentative and unsure.

Dan doesn’t think words could ever possibly express the pure, raw, visceral phenomenon that he just experienced, so instead, he leans up, spreads himself over Phil however he can, and tries his best to show him.

(Chapter Fourteen - FINAL CHAPTER - Coming Next Tues!)

[sethkate]

savannah A to Z pls

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

well in the beginning, since she and caleb were usually putting their clothes on and hurriedly being like ‘ok thanks bye!!!’ which savannah hated, i think now that they are Grown and in a relationship, she takes more advantage of the time they can spend together?? the only exception to this is, if time prevents them from doing aka if they spend 1 more second in bed they’re gonna be suuuper late to work. otherwise she’s all about cuddling, maybe just talking and catching up on each other’s lives since they have really opposite schedules and what not?? probably with a shower thrown in and definitely donuts in bed.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

savannah likes her legs because caleb loves them tbh. her favorite body part on him is probably his dimples. also like…..every bit of him that is tattooed which i know is a lot but IDC.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

sav isn’t grossed out by it as much as some girls can be??? she doesn’t throw a fit you know, if it’s in her hair or on her clothes or anything. and when it comes to swallowing her feelings can be summed up by this gif:

and on that note the rest is gonna be under the cut lmao

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

there was One time when sav had to be treated for an sti and it still haunts her to this day. like she was pressured into not using a condom (and i say that loosely bc she was prob pretty drunk so didn’t need much convincing tbh) and then unfortunately a week or so following the incident she found out what a true piece of shit the guy was. and then slashed all of his tires and broke his car windows in true savannah fashion :)

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

she’s more experienced than she would care to admit. for a long time, sex was just sex to her, so she used it to fill different voids. she didn’t really treat her body like it was something that needed to be earned and gave it out a lot more willingly than she ever would now. so honestly she’s a bit embarrassed by the number, but it’s a good thing it will never get any bigger because she’s only going to be with caleb now forever yay!

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

if they are having sex just to fuck around and get off (x) (x) cause they’re probably on the couch or in the car or something but y’know if they’re actually like makin love or whatever def something more like (x) so it’s more personal and they can ‘bond’ and what not lol.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

in life in general i think she’s way less serious than caleb, so she’s probably a bit more playful and goofy when they’re in the moment together. there are probably times when things are a bit more dire like their many, MANY instances of break-up, apology, or angry sex which wouldn’t call for that kind of humor, but for the most part she keeps it pretty light and probably tries to bring it out of caleb too.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

savannah keeps up with shaving pretty regularly. most of the time she’s hair-free, but when life is nuts she might occasionally have a little stubble here and there.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

for not having like A+ role models to demonstrate how to be soft and tender and intimate with someone, sav is pretty good at it. she loves caleb so she’s very into making sure that his needs are met?? which is crazy bc savannah would usually be selfish af and only care about herself. but she’s really attentive at making sure caleb gets the attention that he wants and that he walks away satisfied.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

both she and caleb are good at getting themselves off. once skype sex had to come into the picture because of the long distance thing and it was the only thing they could do, savannah became comfortable with touching herself and also adjusted to having someone else watch her do it. where before it may have been more of a private thing, once caleb moved to boston, all bets were off so sav got pretty into it. 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

exhibitionism and agoraphilia are probably the biggest two coming to mind, mostly because of the riskiness that each of them involves. sav will eternally be an adrenaline junkie so anything that gives her a thrill like that will be something she’s into.

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

hotels probably!! ever since their first anniversary thing, there’s just something sav loves about spending a weekend in a place with a view, a massive bed, someone to clean the sheets daily, big showers/bath tubs and room service. it just has lots of luxuries that they don’t regularly have when they are at home, so whenever they make a reservation somewhere savannah goes big or goes home.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

honestly a few shots of tequila and a beer or two and she is Ready To Go. but it’s because she’s already suuuper attracted to caleb. like his almost quiet cockiness, lil bit of hard exterior/bad boy look, the tattoos. he really just has to look at her and smile and she’ll melt the big damn sap. but she is 100% about ass grabbing too. that’ll also do the trick.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

other than like..the real gross bodily fluid nonsense sav probably wouldn’t ever consider a threesome. like maybe she had a stupid meaningless one before and i’m sure she can caleb joked about it in the past (him obvs wanting to have two girls and sav saying she would prefer two guys) but i don’t think it’s something she would ever do with caleb. the thought of him with another girl drives her nuts, let alone seeing it up close and personal and having to go along with it?? no way jose!!

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

usually giving because in her experience a lot of guys don’t know wtf they are doing lmao. so she’d rather just get off a different way or by herself bc nothing is worse than lying there and either waiting for them to figure it out or having the mood killed bc you’re trying to explain to them in detail wtf they are doing wrong. sav’s extra giving when it comes to caleb though and she’s never really been shy about her talent with it either. so lucky him!!

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

depends on how much time she has. she’s proficient when she needs to get the job done quickly and knows what works and what doesn’t in a time crunch. but if there’s time to draw things out (although it’s usually hard for her to move at a slow pace in her life in general) sav has the capability of mellowing out a bit during sex. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

i feel like with their lives, probably a good 70% is probably quickies simply because they just can’t ever get the timing, the place, the circumstances, etc. right. so it’s kinda just something that they are used to. but it’s always so nice when they actually can take their time with things and thoroughly enjoy each other. i imagine they probably make time to have sex 4-5 days out of the week, but more if they can manage it. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

savannah’s entire life is a risk??? so she’d be pretty down for anything. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

for a smoker and someone who is 100% against working out, her stamina is pretty good. she can probably go 2-3 times in a day and she usually lasts about as long as caleb does. they’re pretty in sync with one another!

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

sav probably had to invest in some when they were doing the long distance thing. like before caleb if she wanted sex she could just go out and get it, but when her bf lived hundreds of miles away she had to get a little bit more creative. so she’s probably got a collection of a few things after trying different ones trying to find something that did the most comparable job to caleb haha. probably made darren go with her into the store too and i am literally Dying at the visual.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

i feel like savannah teased caleb a loooot more in the beginning?? because there was that whole cat/mouse chase element to their relationship. but now that she has him, she doesn’t need to lay it on super thick the way that she used to. but she’ll still do it in small ways if she needs to get his attention or something.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

savannah usually doesnt restrict herself in volume when they have sex, which is just one of the trillllion reasons her neighbors hate her lmao. i mean she has a loud mouth outside of the bedroom sooo if that’s any indication. usually it’s just a lot of moaning, panting and probably swearing too knowing her. 

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

i’d say savannah doesn’t remember probably more than half of her sexual experiences. i feel like since she didn’t take them very seriously, most of them were liquor/drug fueled some probably even borderline consensual since there’s no way she could have had any idea what was going on. 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

(x)

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

it’s always kinda been on the higher side and then i think once she got with caleb and saw how good sex could be, especially when it was with someone you care about, it went up tremendously to the point where she can be pretty insatiable at times.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

it depends.... because usually sav and caleb are running on -138 hours of sleep so if that’s the case, they can fall asleep pretty quickly afterward. if they have more time to kill and more chinese food to finish they’ll probably just take a break and sleep it off later. 

[oodlyenough]

good luck on your workout!! for the fandom meme, 3, 6, 15, 23, 31, 45, 50 :)

Thanks!! (For this fandom meme if anyone’s interested.)

3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

all fandoms are equally garbage

lmao nah I love fandom but it is a mixed bag and every fandom has its own virtues and pitfalls. I met a lot of great people in both of my long-term fandoms that turned into like decades-long friendships and I also had a lot of internet fights and got compared to George Bush once, so you win some you lose some.

I think I’ll say Harry Potter though, it had a really formative impact on me growing up as I grew up with the series/fandom, and I think it occupies a space in my heart that no other media will ever touch for that exact reason. And because it was SO huge there was content for literally anything you could ever want, which was great.

6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

I’m pretty fandom monogamous and tend to settle into one major fandom for a loooong time and then have, like, side flings. There’s also for me kinda a difference between stuff I love The Most and stuff I am actively in a fandom for, and sometimes they don’t align. Usually I define my being “in” a fandom as me writing fic, which narrows it down a LOT. So with that definition in mind we have:

Harry Potter - Lily/JamesDoctor Who - Tenth Doctor/RoseTales from the Borderlands - Rhys/SashaHonourable mention to Life is Strange, for which I have read fic but not published any, and my OTP there is Max/Chloe obv.

Two notable fandom flings:

my Twilight phase, during which I guess I was ostensibly team Jacob but had no real OTP and I contributed nothing to the fandom at all aside from metaphorically stuffing popcorn into my mouth while everything was on fire circa Eclipse, casting Robert Pattinson and the great Breaking Dawn leak; it was a wild summer

my foray into Broadchurch fandom, which got me writing fic again briefly and for which I shipped Ellie/Hardy but I’d say I shipped them less than the other things listed here (or at any rate was more content for their canon to be platonic), so I dunno if they really earn OTP status

15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?

lol tbh in terms of sheer volume of content Rhys/Sasha is probably the most “obscure” I’ve ever been particularly into and I wouldn’t consider it, like, a rarepair or whatever, just strangely underrepresented in its own fandom and considering its canon status.

I’m not much of a shipper and am unlikely to ship anything that doesn’t have a canon basis, because I just don’t really… care enough about shipping to fill it in where it isn��t, which means I don’t usually ship anything completely unheard of.

23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

There’s a few different contenders for this that are labours of love, especially a lot of my collab fics, but for the purposes of this meme I’ll just stick to stuff I’ve written on my own and go with Return on Investment, which grew from a totally silly one-off joke that I think I made in a text message conversation and evolved from there into 10k. I’m happy with how this one turned out because for something that kept spiraling as I was writing I think it all tied together really well and I managed to hit all the emotional beats I wanted to hit in ways that were (imo) pretty organic, after working and reworking different parts a lot. I really like Rhys and Fiona’s relationship and this was my little ode to it and I think I got across most of what I wanted to re: how and why their friendship works and what they each bring to the table.

31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?

A tough one! A compliment I’ve gotten a couple times in different fandoms is variations on “wow this felt just like [source material]” and that always makes me smile, I guess because that’s the ultimate goal of fanfiction, usually, right?

Oh the other thing I get occasionally is something like “I never liked character/ship before but this changed my mind/made me rethink” and that’s always nice too, like, I think I’ve said recently that fic is like 80% meta for me so I am glad I won you over with my cleverly disguised persuasive essay.

45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

My go-to answer to this question has been Five Women Who Hate Fleur Delacour for years and I don’t intend to change now, mainly because that would mean I’d have to rethink it and that sounds hard.

50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

I’ve been unknowingly writing fanfiction literally forever, I used to write what I now understand to be fanfics about my favourite cartoons and stuff as a kid, in pencil and paper, in script format; one of my other friends at the time would do it to and we’d read each other’s stories and act them out lmao. Then pretty much as soon as we got a home computer I was on like… oldschool Geocities-style fansites for those same cartoons writing terrible terrible 8-year-old fanfiction for all to see.

I think one of those fandoms led me to Fanfiction.net and then I never really stopped? FF.net led to livejournal and UnknowableRoom.org and Teaspoon and now eventually AO3 and Tumblr. I go in phases where I write a lot and phases where I write less because I’m not ~inspired or don’t have a fandom, but I always love writing fic and tbh I’m happier when I am. I don’t write original fiction so it’s fanfic or bust basically! Happy to be in an “on” phase right now for the first time in a few years.

[boxyladies]

If I’ve said it once on this blog, I’ve said it 15 times, but the Allure Beauty Box is the beauty subscription box I will always recommend to people when they are asking which beauty box is the best. While this one is a bit pricier than some of the others at $15/month, the value usually far exceeds that $15 price tag, and this box is no exception. I do deviate from our normal review template to rant for a bit about some shady things one of the included brands has been caught doing. But let’s be real – this wouldn’t be a Lauren Blog without some sort of rant now, would it?

ALLURE BEAUTY BOX

Price: $15.00/month

Box Type: Monthly beauty box featuring 6 high end beauty product samples (and sometimes full-sized products!).

Why you’ll love it: Top brands, great price, new products that you will love! A great way to sample expensive products without committing to the price tag. Each box comes with an Allure mini-magazine that showcases each product and is as quality as you’d expect from a magazine powerhouse like Allure.

How To Subscribe: Click here! They have a new referral program so def click our link!

Here is the Allure Mini-Mag that they always include. I find this super helpful to get some tips about all of the products they include, much like the full-size magazine.

And here’s everything we got this month! Wow! What a haul this month, eh?

Sunday Riley Good Genes ($105) and Sunday Riley Ceramic Slip Cleanser ($35): As I referenced in the first paragraph, I was going to rant a bit about one of the brands in this box, and, surprise! It’s Sunday Riley! If you hadn’t heard, an ex-Sunday Riley employee posted some company emails where employees were asked to write fake, glowing reviews for their products, specifically their Saturn line, which is aimed at those who are dealing with acne. They were asked to sound relatable and write things like, “I’ve tried everything and this is the only product that works.” “Yes, it’s expensive but works incredibly well in comparison to cheaper masks out there.” You get the idea. But they weren’t only asked to create fake profiles and write fake reviews, they were asked to use VPN technology in order to mask that the fake reviews were coming from Sunday Riley. Their first response was incredibly disappointing to me. One, they acted like they were just asking their employees to write about their own experiences. Obviously, that would be fine. But they weren’t doing that. They were asking their employees to be deceptive and create fake profiles and in order to write fake reviews. Their response really didn’t indicate they wouldn’t be doing it anymore either. To me, it sounded like more of a rationalization, since “another company was writing negative reviews.” I left a comment saying most of this on one of their unrelated Instagram posts, because it seemed like at first, they were trying to bury this story. Their comments are incredibly expensive, but a lot of them are really great, and they should be able to stand on their own without fake reviews, in my opinion. Also, not every product is going to work for every single person, and that’s ok, too! Those reviews are especially helpful, actually, and it sucks they would try to bury them. Eventually they made a brand new post, still very carefully not saying what they were accused of, except that, “They hear us.” But then they said they were going to have a third-party audit their business practices and make the report public, so I’m interested to hear what they say next.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

So you might be wondering… am I going to keep supporting Sunday Riley? I’m not sure. I don’t feel as strongly about this as I did about Tarte and Kat Von D. But I wasn’t really thrilled to hear about this either. I love their Luna Night Oil ($105) – it’s become a holy grail product for me. But the Good Genes serum, that I actually got in the box this month – I have purchased the full-size of this and I don’t really care for it. It certainly didn’t make my skin worse, but it’s incredibly expensive and I really didn’t think it did much of ANYTHING for me. The mini-mag and those with more sensitive skin say that this makes skin tingle a bit, but I never felt anything. But that’s ok! Some products work for people and some don’t and that’s how it should be, since no one’s skin is the same. Also, I’ve tried this Ceramic Slip cleanser and I think it smells TERRIBLE. And it also tastes terrible, but obvs you are not supposed to eat it. Sometimes it just gets in my mouth when I’m washing my face and I do not like. I’ll probably use it just to use it up, but I wouldn’t buy the full-size. Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Hourglass Caution Mascara ($29): I just got this in the Sephora Play! Luxe Vol. 2 box, so I’m going to copy what I said here: I have tried the Caution mascara before and I like it OK. It doesn’t give me me as much volume as I prefer for my top lashes, but I really like it for my bottom lashes, as one of its major selling points is that it doesn’t smudge. However, the issue with this particular sample mascara is the wand itself. Because it’s so short, and the handle itself is so big and bulky, it’s sort of hard to apply. This obviously wouldn’t be a problem with the full-size version because the wand is much longer, but it is an annoying part of this sample.

Yves Sant Laurent Tatouage Couture Matte Liquid Lip Stain in Singular Taupe 23 ($37): Y’all know I am done with liquid lipsticks because they are so drying and terrible. Every time someone says, “No, but THIS one is actually comfortable!” They are just full of lies. Except when it comes to this one. This formula is so interesting, it’s almost like a stain. Well, it’s actually exactly like a stain. The formula is very thin and it just feels like nothing on your lips. I swatched it on my lips at like 2am on a Saturday night (wild times, I’m telling you), and I wore it for awhile as I finished binging Better Call Saul. (Better than Breaking Bad, in my opinion.) I like this formula enough to where I might actually buy some full-sizes of these. Maybe a red for holiday things, where I wouldn’t have to worry about it moving all over my face. I think I’ll buy some of these during the next VIB Rouge sale. This is really that good. I’ll be wearing the Singular Taupe shade regularly, until I run out or lose it. It’s 50/50.

Caudalie Vinopure Skin Perfecting Serum ($49): I am sort of between serums at the moment, as I am sort of waiting for the next VIB sale before I invest in more skincare because let’s face it – skincare is expensive and I’ll take that 20% discount when I can get it. I’m interested to try this, as I’m pretty sure I’ve tried it before. I remember it being lightweight and nice to wear under makeup. The mini-mag says that it’s actually great for balancing combo

First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream ($30): I remember getting a full-size of this in a POPSUGAR Must Have box back in the day, and I think I have it somewhere in my skincare closet. It’s a pretty thick moisturizer that is great for very dry skin. Since I don’t have the driest skin, I only use this a few times in the winter when my nose gets kind flaky. However, if you have super dry skin and you don’t really know where to start to go about fixing it, this cream is a really good place to start.

bkr Paris Water Balm ($22): If you’ve ever been to Nordstrom or Neimans, you’ve seen the fancy bkr glass water bottles with the silicone sleeves. They are apparently the chicest way to drink water, however, in practice, I don’t really like them so much. Mostly because the neck of the water bottle seemed too small to get ice into, and I like to sip water through the day, so I like ice in there to keep it cool. Anyway, the bkr company decided to get into the beauty game, when they created this lip balm, and also a bottle cap where you can attach said lip balm so it’s always handy with your water. Of course, it has castor oil in it, because why wouldn’t it? However, I tried it on anyway and while it makes my skin incredibly shiny, it’s so goopy and sticky that I wouldn’t enjoy wearing it. I’ll take my Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask ($20) any day of the week! (And it’s cheaper for like 3x the product!)

Just for fun, here are a few pics from my Insta Story unboxing, where Franklin was my model since he would not move out of the way. If you are following us on Instagram, you really should! I’m getting better at instagram stories and posting more frequently! @Boxy_Ladies

  This slideshow requires JavaScript.

[line]

Final Grade: A

This was an a GREAT month of the Allure Beauty Box and I’m really glad I’m still subscribed to it! Rant about Sunday Riley notwithstanding, I think the value was really great and I’m looking forward to see what comes next!

If you’d like to subscribe for yourself, click here!

Purchased; All opinions are my own. Post contains affiliate and referral links.

Allure Beauty Box: October 2018 | Boxy-Ladies.com If I've said it once on this blog, I've said it 15 times, but the Allure Beauty Box is the beauty subscription box I will always recommend to people when they are asking which beauty box is the best.