#but one time he was mean to my mediocre cartoon written by men at an abusive company'

[girlbob-boypants]

[themurphyzone]

Pinky the Snowmouse Ch 1

Summary: On a lonely Christmas Eve, a lab mouse finds himself unable to concentrate on world domination. When an ACME scientist claims to own a magic silk hat, Brain initially dismisses it as superstitious nonsense, but finds that this boast could hold more truth than he could ever imagine.   

AN: So I posted this idea back in May (I know, nowhere near Christmas season) but it made for such a viable fic that I had to do it. Besides, I wanted to write a great Christmas fic since I focused more on Halloween last year. 

This fanfiction is also a tribute to all the Christmas specials we love so much every year, from the Christmas Carols to the holiday specials in our favorite cartoons to the Grinches and Rankin-Bass features.

Ch 1: That Old Silk Hat

AO3 Link

It was Christmas Eve, the day bolded and highlighted on the calendar, topped with a picture of Snoopy and his doghouse decked out in festive accessories.

Impossible to miss the overly cheerful music, the jingling bells, and the calls to be charitable to the poorer, less fortunate beings of the world.

Except humans never practiced what they preached.

No matter how much they claimed to care, Brain knew they never would. All of those charitable feelings would vanish as soon as Christmas was over, and they’d go right back to wallowing in their ignorance.

If they truly wanted to be charitable, they’d recognize Brain as the indisputable ruler over the world. But since humans always looked down on non-humans, it was an uphill battle with no end in sight.

But that was just fine with Brain. He wanted to be recognized for his merits and intelligence. He wanted to accomplish something other than achieving the lowest times on maze runs.

In time, his efforts would be rewarded. The bitter defeats would gradually transform into sweet victories.

But for now, he was unable to make headway into world domination since all the ACME employees had gathered by the main entrance, waiting for 3 pm to roll around like a class of bored schoolchildren who desperately wanted to go home.

If the higher ups were expecting all these mediocre scientists to show up for work and be productive on a snowy Christmas Eve, they were sorely mistaken. They were only here to collect their paychecks and didn’t care about scientific progress at all.

One lab tech popped a CD full of classic Christmas songs into an old stereo, and a chorus of Feliz Navidad began. Several scientists spun in their chairs, absentmindedly sucking on candy canes.

Brain was just as impatient as they were, but at least he’d be productive with his time once they all left.

“So ya got any plans, Bill?” a scientist asked.

“Go home,” Bill replied with a shake of his balding head. “Sleep because there’s no way I’m getting any shuteye with the twins bouncing off the walls for their presents tonight.”

“Kids are gonna be like that,” a lab tech spoke up. “I had to stop mine from taste-testing the cookies she wanted to leave out for Santa.”

Laughter rang out from the group, everyone taking turns to relate Christmas mishaps with their families. Soon almost every human joined in on the camereradie, except the most eccentric and inept scientist of them all.

Dr. Henry Hinkle was a man who claimed to bridge the fields of science and magic. However, he was woefully mediocre in both departments, and Brain had long ascertained the man had faked his credentials. Even Hinkle’s fashion sense was peculiar, as his gray lab coat was cut into the style of a magician’s fanciful tailcoat. With his brown handlebar mustache, he seemed more like a harried time traveler from the 19th century than a modern citizen.  

His most prized possession was a tall silk hat with a pink flower attached to the band. Hinkle often claimed it was a magic hat, one that performed wondrous and mystifying deeds far beyond human comprehension. Hinkle was attached to that hat, and nobody had ever seen him in public without it.

Hinkle stood apart from everyone else, an outsider from the science clique. He frantically paced back and forth, desperately trying to get the so-called magic hat to perform properly.

"Say, Hinkle? Didn't you have a gig at the elementary school last week? How'd that go?" Bill called, and all eyes turned to Hinkle, whose eyes nervously flicked back and forth at the sudden attention.

"Swell, very swell," Hinkle mumbled as he nervously fiddled with his hat. "Those little ankle-bi...I mean those delightful, darling angels were floored by my magic."

A woman scoffed and rolled her eyes in disbelief. "Yeah, right. My son was part of that class, and he thought it was the worst Christmas party he'd ever had. How embarrassing that you can't shuffle a deck of cards."

“Madam, I will have you know I can shuffle a deck with my eyes closed and one hand behind my back!” Hinkle retorted. He flicked his left sleeve, and an entire card deck slipped out and spilled onto the ground. As Hinkle bent down in a hasty attempt to get the cards back in order, a small wand, several rubber balls, and colorful scarves tumbled out his other sleeve.

Nobody bothered to help Hinkle out with his misfortune. His coworkers elbowed each other, pointed fingers, and snickered among themselves instead.

The situation was far too pathetic to be humorous.

Brain wasn’t surprised by humans anymore. Peace and goodwill toward their fellow men didn’t exist, though the holiday season claimed otherwise.

It was now 2:40 pm. Only twenty minutes left in this humiliating performance, and Brain could formulate his next plan for world domination without further interruption.  

Hinkle quickly stuffed the mess into his coat pockets. Then he straightened up, pulling on both ends of his bowtie in a vain effort to appear calm and collected once he was finished.

“If your hat really is magic, show us a few tricks!” Bill jeered, and the other employees joined in with challenges of their own.

“Oh, I will. And all of you will feel silly for doubting me after I’m through! Silly, silly, silly indeed!” Hinkle shouted. He tried to remove the hat from his head with a graceful flourish, but clumsily dropped it instead.

He chuckled nervously, a bead of sweat running down his forehead despite the chill.

“As with any exercise, a good magician always warms up with the basics,” Hinkle declared as he showed his audience a small red ball. “For my first trick, I will put this red rubber ball into my magic hat like so, and presto change-o, I have five red rubber balls to-”

He tipped the magic hat upside down. A single red ball bounced out, rolling along the floor before it hit an unimpressed lab tech’s shoe.

“-go,” Hinkle finished dejectedly. He peered into the hat, futilely shaking it as if the other four balls would pop out. Once he realized that wouldn’t be the case, his shoes scuffed the ground in shame as he picked up the single red ball and dropped it back into his hat.

“Look on the bright side, man! You produced invisible balls without trying!” someone called, garnering laughter from the rest of the audience.

Hinkle’s face turned red.

And while the scorn wasn’t directed at Brain, he thought the heckling was an unnecessary endeavor. There was little point in prolonging the man’s misery, no matter how incompetent or delusional he was at magic tricks.

“N-now, as I said before, that was just a warm up,” Hinkle said, nervously tugging at his collar. Then he pulled a small pink scarf out from his pocket, spilling several cards and dice onto the floor again. “But my second trick is sure to amaze you! Watch as I place this scarf into my hat and let the magic focus, now hocus pocus I say, and out come green, gold, and...gray?”

To nobody’s surprise, there was only a lone pink scarf in Hinkle’s hand. “There were supposed to be endless scarves attached to this…” he muttered. It fluttered out of his hand and back into the hat.

But nobody was paying attention to Hinkle anymore. The clock struck three, and the dull atmosphere changed to a holiday-induced fervor as everyone pushed and shoved their way to the front so they could card out and leave.

Brain crept to the front of his cage, one hand resting on his crooked tail as he prepared to unlock the cage and make headway into his plans as soon as they left. He was brimming with viable ideas, and they needed to be written down before he forgot them.

“EVERYBODY, WAIT!” Hinkle bellowed over the noise, and his colleagues turned to him with annoyance written all over their faces.

Brain gritted his teeth. Just let them go already! Was that really so difficult?

“I have one more trick, yes, just one more teensy trick up my sleeve! A real one, I assure you! You won’t be disappointed!” Hinkle said, rubbing his hands together frantically. He emptied his pockets, tossing props everywhere in a vain attempt to find something useful.

Then Hinkle donned a pair of white magician’s gloves, his eyes falling right on Brain. And Brain realized he was about to be conscripted as an unwilling volunteer.

Since his usual tactic of biting fingers until he was left alone wouldn’t work on gloved hands, Brain beat a hasty retreat to the back of his cage, intending to use the exercise wheel as further cover.

But he only made it halfway to the wheel when the door opened and gloved fingers pinched his tail, dragging him out of the cage and dangling him over the magic hat for everyone to see.

“Watch as I transform this ugly lab mouse into a beautiful dove!” Hinkle yelled, and just as Brain processed the insult, he was unceremoniously dropped into the hat. He fell right on top of the rubber ball, knocking the wind out of him. “Abracadabra alakazam!”

Brain pressed himself against the inside folds of the hat as he tried to catch his breath, but he was only given a moment of reprieve before he was snatched up and thrown into the air, as if Hinkle expected him to grow wings because of a nonsensical phrase.

He slammed against the window and fell to the table below, shaking his head to clear away the stars circling in his vision. Every part of his body ached, agony starting from the tip of his tail and snaking up his spine. Slowly, he sat up and checked himself over in the window.

There was a distinct lack of avian features in his reflection, as he expected. He had a new break in his tail from the rough treatment, but there weren’t any other new markings.  

Everyone stared at Brain in silence, and the only sounds were barely suppressed squeaks of disbelief from Hinkle and a chorus of Deck the Halls.

Then there was a booming laugh.

“Prettiest dove I’ve ever seen!” Bill said, to the mirth of his coworkers.  

Brain’s ears flattened, and he wanted nothing more than to sink into the ground and disappear forever.

His fists clenched at the sound of their mockery. He never chose to be involved in this ridiculous demonstration. Or deal with their scorn and stupidity every day. Or live at ACME Labs at all, where he had to suffer through experiment after experiment on top of attempting world domination and failing every single night.

“Come back! I have trick cards! Magic 8-balls! I’ll saw something in half and put it back together, I swear!” Hinkle shouted at the scientists’ retreating figures as they all carded out and stepped into the bitter chill of winter. They shuffled through the snow-covered property and into their vehicles, not wishing to be delayed any longer.

The prized silk hat crumpled in Hinkle’s hand.

“Bah! The only thing this junk hat’s good for is the trash can!” Hinkle snarled as he hurled the hat at the wastebasket by the door, but it only hit the nearby wall instead.

Then he stomped out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

Brain peered out the window, his breath forming a small patch of fog against the cold glass as he watched Hinkle trudge towards the city. He waited a minute to ensure Hinkle wasn't coming back, then rushed over to a drawer where he'd hidden a roll of blueprints and writing utensils.

He was finally, blissfully alone.

Strands of colorful Christmas lights twinkled along the walls, casting a festive hue onto the unfurled blueprints.

Solve for x. Cube the most wonderful time of the year. Multiply by pi.

Peppermints, candy canes, and chocolates were mixed together in a snowflake-patterned bowl. Brain snacked on one of the chocolates as he scribbled a preliminary design for a machine. The candy was bittersweet on his tongue.

Sodium and chloride to form an ionic bond. Three irons needed to balance the equation. Symbol H stood for the hap-happiest season of all.

Only the scratching of his pencil, the hum of a heater which barely worked, and an old, droning carol. The Christmas bells subdued, the computers shut off.

And hearts will be glowing when loved ones are near. Loved ones are near. Loved ones are near...  

There was a wet spot on the blueprint, directly over where he was trying to write. Frowning, he rubbed out the excess moisture, but only succeeded in smudging his numbers. He started over in an empty space, only for the wetness to appear again. Annoyed, he flipped his pencil around and rubbed the grayed area with his eraser.

The blueprint ripped.

Though the hole was tiny and didn’t affect the rest of his work in the slightest, it seemed that his plan had failed before he’d implemented it.

And it occurred to him that he’d never considered how the machine would function or how it would help him accomplish his takeover.

His face felt strange, so he rubbed his cheeks to get rid of the sensation. His hand came away damp.

Oh.

He was crying.

It was that stupid song’s fault. He dropped his pencil and walked over to the stereo, slamming his hand against the stop button just as the song reached its end.

The sound cut off immediately.

Only the dying thrums of a malfunctioning heater now.

The silence was overwhelming.

Christmas media always said the holiday season was a joyous occasion for family and friends, a time for reflection and rebirth as the year wrapped up and began anew.

But it was just propaganda. Nothing more than lies so people would praise themselves as right and virtuous and loving when they were nothing of the sort.

Brain splashed cold water onto his face, ridding himself of the useless tears. Then he looked out the window. A light flurry had begun, the clouds low and dreary gray. The land was already blanketed in snow from the blizzard on the winter equinox, and temperatures hadn’t warmed up since.

And while there were footprints in the snow from passersby, much of the surrounding property was untouched.

Maybe that’s what he needed.

An opportunity to numb himself, to walk around in the cold and discard these useless, empty aches in his chest.

He tore up his blueprint and threw it away. He was better off starting over after his stint outside.

Then he put on his winter gear, nicked from a doll somebody had brought in as a donation to a toy drive, but now lay forgotten in the lab.

The thick white jacket was comfortable and padded with extra fluff. He threw the hood over his head and tucked in his ears, then pulled on his snow boots and gloves.

As he wound a long piece of string around the window latch, he caught sight of the silk hat that laid beside the wastebasket, considered nothing more than trash since it wouldn’t do what Hinkle wanted. The rubber ball and scarf was still inside, crumpled and forgotten.

Magic wasn’t real. It was simply the art of misdirection and illusion. Or a word the uneducated used to describe occurrences they couldn’t explain with science.

Despite his beliefs, Brain built a simple pulley system with thick yarn and an empty spool to haul the silk hat up to the counter.

He could use the hat for extra fabric. Repurpose it. Shrink it so he could have a formal hat for himself.

He opened the window, allowing the cold wind to numb the exposed fur on his face. With all the flurries, he’d probably regret this decision later, but that wasn’t anything new. Then he dropped the loose end of the string outside and tugged the knot around the latch. Once he was satisfied with the knot’s tightness, he dropped the silk hat into the snow-covered bushes below.

It was ironic, how he experimented with chemicals and complicated machinery every night, but didn’t know what he was doing with a simple hat.

Maybe that humiliating demonstration had messed with his mind, overriding all his logic and planning capabilities.

But it seemed like such a flimsy excuse, not providing a satisfactory explanation as to why he’d dragged a so-called magic hat outside on what was supposed to be a simple break.

Brain slid down the string, his boots crunching against the snow as he landed. He stuck out a gloved hand, catching several flurries.

No two snowflakes looked alike, they always said. But their crystalline structures couldn’t be seen without a microscope, so they were nothing more than white powder to the naked eye. He rolled the flurries in his palm until they formed a tiny snowball.

It gave him an idea.

But...it was childish. Stupid.

Yet he found himself rolling snow anyway.

This patch of the property was completely undisturbed, so he had a nice layer of clean, white snow untouched by human footprints to work with.

Nobody was around to see him. And it gave his hands something to do instead of remaining idle.

He quickly found that rolling snow into a spherical shape per the typical snowman wasn’t as easy as television depicted. The snow didn’t want to move in the way he wanted, and it came out as a lumpy, ovular mound that happened to be the same size as him.

He kicked aside a thin, whiplike twig that had broken off from one of the nearby bushes as he gathered more snow to form the head. Then he reconsidered and picked up the twig.

In his hands, it looked very similar to a mouse’s tail. One that wasn’t broken by mishandling.

While he didn’t have the height or the tools required for a full-sized snowman, maybe he could create a snowmouse instead.

He carefully threaded the twig into the backside of the mound, curling it around so it resembled an actual tail.

Then he brushed extra snow away from the front, smoothing out the mound until it had the snowy equivalent of legs.

The head was more difficult to sculpt, but he managed to create something that would be recognizable as a mouse’s head, with two small snowballs forming the ears and a muzzle that jutted out. He would’ve made the muzzle smaller, but the increased size was necessary to counterweight the ears. Lastly, he slid two sticks into each side of the snowmouse to serve as arms.

The snowmouse was twice Brain’s height, and while it had the proportions of a mouse, it was ultimately just a cold white body with three embedded twigs. No personality, no splashes of color.

Anyone could easily miss or step on it.

The snowmouse would be gone by next week, once the temperature rose above freezing. No trace of his handiwork would remain.

Such was life. Short and brutal, with nothing to show for it.

The faceless snowmouse seemed oddly alone, the only other thing besides Brain in this wintery courtyard. There wasn’t anything for either of them here.

“Sorry,” Brain said, unsure of why he was apologizing to something that couldn’t hold a conversation. He’d wasted far too much time here. He had to get back to his plans. “I’m going inside.” 

A chilly breeze blew, and Brain held fast to his hood so it didn’t come off. As he turned to the lab, he saw the silk hat become airborne, flying several feet until it landed by Brain and the snowmouse.

He didn’t think the breeze had been that strong.

But the strangest part was how the hat was much smaller than before. It wouldn’t fit a human anymore.

Even the red rubber ball and pink scarf shrunk. And there were several pebbles that hadn’t been there previously, though Brain guessed they could’ve just gotten inside when he’d dropped the hat.

Brain stared at the items, then back at the snowmouse.

“Just this once,” he sighed as he draped the scarf between the main body and head, then placed the rubber ball at the end of the muzzle for a nose.

Two of the pebbles became unseeing eyes, though Brain was at a loss of what he should do with the other two pebbles. He tried using them as a replacement for buttons on the body, but that didn’t seem right. And placing them on the cheeks just looked awkward.  

Brain held a pebble in each hand, stepping back to determine the placement. But he didn’t find anything satisfactory.

He was about to discard the pebbles entirely, but then he noticed that the snowmouse seemed to have an odd pair of buckteeth sticking out at the end of its muzzle with the way he held the pebbles.

Perhaps he should’ve left it as a matter of perspective. It was stupid. It was silly.

But Brain stuck the pebbles on the underside of the muzzle anyway.

The snowmouse looked ridiculous with its red rubber nose, pink scarf, and pebbles for eyes and goofy buckteeth.

Another breeze picked up, and one of the snowmouse’s stick arms waved, moving up and down like it was saying hello.

Like it was...friendly. Alive. Happy.

Slowly, Brain approached the snowmouse. He placed one hand on the snowmouse’s body, balanced on his tiptoes, and threw the silk hat on top.

For reasons Brain couldn’t explain, the hat just seemed to go with the rest of the snowmouse.

And then he caught himself.

What a ridiculous concept.

Creating a snowmouse wasn’t his worst transgression, if he’d just left it at the creation process. No, instead he had to go personifying it! Assigning qualities that shouldn’t be designated to inanimate objects!

Snow wasn’t alive. It was water. That’s all it was.

“You’re snow. You’re just a pile of frozen water!” Brain yelled, turning away from the snowmouse. Enough with these idiotic fantasies. He was going inside, back to the cruel reality of trying to take over the world. “You’re not alive, so just leave me alone! Quit toying with my perception!”

He stomped towards the window, but only made it a few steps before an odd sound gave him pause.

“Toys? Narrrrrf! That sounds like jolly good fun! Can I play with toys too?”

Brain looked over his shoulder, and promptly tripped over himself in surprise.

A pair of bright blue eyes was looking back at him. Actual eyes, not pebbles.

And the snowmouse was talking.

End AN: I feel really bad for calling Brain ugly. *sobs*

I actually kinda find writing Hinkle’s dialogue fun. A bit of a strange character to crossover with, but fun. Hocus Pocus the Rabbit won’t be making an appearance. 

Also some changes will be made from the original Frosty the Snowman cause some parts of the cartoon don’t make sense. A greenhouse at the North Pole, really?

[rileymarie]

Fahrenheit 451 Quotes

“Let you alone! That's all very well, but how can I leave myself alone? We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?” And then he shut up, for he remembered last week and the two white stones staring up at the ceiling and the pump-snake with the probing eye and the two soap-faced men with the cigarettes moving in their mouths when they talked. But that was another Mildred, that was a Mildred so deep inside this one, and so bothered, really bothered, that the two women had never met. He turned away.

Once, books appealed to a few people, here, there, everywhere. They could afford to be different. The world was roomy. But then the world got full of eyes and elbows and mouths. Double, triple, quadruple population. Films and radios, magazines, books levelled down to a sort of paste pudding norm, do you follow me?”

Do you see? Out of the nursery into the college and back to the nursery; there's your intellectual pattern for the past five centuries or more.

Politics? One column, two sentences, a headline! Then, in mid-air, all vanishes! Whirl man's mind around about so fast under the pumping hands of publishers, exploiters, broadcasters, that the centrifuge flings off all unnecessary, time-wasting thought!”

School is shortened, discipline relaxed, philosophies, histories, languages dropped, English and spelling gradually neglected, finally almost completely ignored. Life is immediate, the job counts, pleasure lies all about after work. Why learn anything save pressing buttons, pulling switches, fitting nuts and bolts?”

More cartoons in books. More pictures. The mind drinks less and less. Impatience.

Surely you remember the boy in your own school class who was exceptionally 'bright,' did most of the reciting and answering while the others sat like so many leaden idols, hating him. And wasn't it this bright boy you selected for beatings and tortures after hours? Of course it was. We must all be alike. Not everyone born free and equal, as the Constitution says, but everyone made equal.

Coloured people don't like Little Black Sambo. Burn it. White people don't feel good about Uncle Tom's Cabin. Burn it. Someone's written a book on tobacco and cancer of the lungs? The cigarette people are weeping? Burn the book. Serenity, Montag. Peace, Montag. Take your fight outside. Better yet, into the incinerator.

You can't rid yourselves of all the odd ducks in just a few years. The home environment can undo a lot you try to do at school. That's why we've lowered the kindergarten age year after year until now we're almost snatching them from the cradle.

If you don't want a man unhappy politically, don't give him two sides to a question to worry him; give him one. Better yet, give him none. Let him forget there is such a thing as war. If the Government is inefficient, top-heavy, and tax-mad, better it be all those than that people worry over it.

Cram them full of non-combustible data, chock them so damned full of 'facts' they feel stuffed, but absolutely 'brilliant' with information. Then they'll feel they're thinking, they'll get a sense of motion without moving. And they'll be happy, because facts of that sort don't change. Don't give them any slippery stuff like philosophy or sociology to tie things up with. That way lies melancholy. Any man who can take a TV wall apart and put it back together again, and most men can nowadays, is happier than any man who tries to slide-rule, measure, and equate the universe, which just won't be measured or equated without making man feel bestial and lonely.

And the second?” “Leisure.” “Oh, but we've plenty of off-hours.” “Off-hours, yes. But time to think? If you're not driving a hundred miles an hour, at a clip where you can't think of anything else but the danger, then you're playing some game or sitting in some room where you can't argue with the fourwall televisor. Why? The televisor is 'real.' It is immediate, it has dimension. It tells you what to think and blasts it in. It must be, right. It seems so right. It rushes you on so quickly to its own conclusions your mind hasn't time to protest, 'What nonsense!'”

“Jesus God,” said Montag. “Every hour so many damn things in the sky! How in hell did those bombers get up there every single second of our lives! Why doesn't someone want to talk about it? We've started and won two atomic wars since 1960. Is it because we're having so much fun at home we've forgotten the world? Is it because we're so rich and the rest of the world's so poor and we just don't care if they are? I've heard rumours; the world is starving, but we're well-fed. Is it true, the world works hard and we play? Is that why we're hated so much?

Lord, how they've changed it — in our 'parlours' these days. Christ is one of the 'family' now. I often wonder it God recognizes His own son the way we've dressed him up, or is it dressed him down? He's a regular peppermint stick now, all sugar-crystal and saccharine when he isn't making veiled references to certain commercial products that every worshipper absolutely needs.”

The same infinite detail and awareness could be projected through the radios and televisors, but are not. No, no, it's not books at all you're looking for! Take it where you can find it, in old phonograph records, old motion pictures, and in old friends; look for it in nature and look for it in yourself. Books were only one type of receptacle where we stored a lot of things we were afraid we might forget. There is nothing magical in them at all. The magic is only in what books say, how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us.

"Number one: Do you know why books such as this are so important? Because they have quality. And what does the word quality mean? To me it means texture. This book has pores. It has features. This book can go under the microscope. You'd find life under the glass, streaming past in infinite profusion. The more pores, the more truthfully recorded details of life per square inch you can get on a sheet of paper, the more 'literary' you are. That's my definition, anyway. Telling detail. Fresh detail. The good writers touch life often. The mediocre ones run a quick hand over her. The bad ones rape her and leave her for the flies.

“So now do you see why books are hated and feared? They show the pores in the face of life. The comfortable people want only wax moon faces, poreless, hairless, expressionless.

Only if the third necessary thing could be given us. Number one, as I said, quality of information. Number two: leisure to digest it. And number three: the right to carry out actions based on what we learn from the inter-action of the first two.

They're Caesar's praetorian guard, whispering as the parade roars down the avenue, 'Remember, Caesar, thou art mortal.' Most of us can't rush around, talking to everyone, know all the cities of the world, we haven't time, money or that many friends. The things you're looking for, Montag, are in the world, but the only way the average chap will ever see ninety-nine per cent of them is in a book.

Don't ask for guarantees. And don't look to be saved in any one thing, person, machine, or library. Do your own bit of saving, and if you drown, at least die knowing you were headed for shore.”

The old man nodded. “Those who don't build must burn. It's as old as history and juvenile delinquents.”

[clairebeauchampfan]

The biter bit. How ‘liberals’  are consuming their own

I’ll begin this post, as one has to nowadays, by reiterating my sincere commitment to whatever righteous cause takes your fancy this week. No one can accuse me of not following the party line, or having ‘wrongthought’. I freely confess to my past, deviationist, splittist opinions, and respectfully ask to be sent to a reeducation camp, preferably among the Uighurs. 

Meanwhile, back in what remains of the Free World, I have to laugh when I see so many prominent ‘Liberals’ getting themselves in hot water because of what they have said or done in contravention of the Groupthink that they themselves once so earnestly supported.  

For example Steve Bell, the wannabe socialist cartoonist, is being ‘let go’ from his contract with The Guardian, the UK’s Liberal-left paper of record. No doubt partly because of his age (ageism being rife amongst right-on folk) but perhaps also because they are looking for a young BIPOC/woman/LGBTQ+ to replace him, and , let’s face it, Steve Bell is...ahem...an older non-BIPOC non-female person (that’s an old white male, to those who aren’t woke). The Guardian recently published a Bell cartoon showing Priti Patel, the Home Office (Interior) Minister as an ugly cow - or a bull- forgetting that for Hindus, half the UK’s people of South Asian ancestry, the bovine is sacred. Cue an outraged and insulted minority, offended even more when the paper refused to apologise or withdraw the cartoon. Oops! Someone had to go.......Judge for yourself and see if it is sexist and racist at the same time.

Priti Patel

Steve Bell’s Cartoon in The Guardian

In Hollywood, long a bastion of right-on wokeness and insincere platitudinising,   non-BIPOC /LGBTQ+ actors have - or so I read in the Daily Strumpet and the Feudal and Reactionary Times- apparently become unemployable, especially if they are of a ‘problematic’ age or sex (that’s old, white and male, again). If you aren’t sufficiently diverse,  forget it; there are no up-coming parts for you. At least Historical fiction drama, Outlander has lots of butch men running around in skirts, which goes to show how advanced Scotland was in the 18th Century. No wonder it’s my favourite TV drama, though it does show a problematic  lack of diversity among the lead characters. Time for a colour-blind recast? I mean, look what they can do with Henry V. Chiwetel Ejiofor to play Scottish clansman Jamie Fraser! Bring it on! 

Manwhile JK Rowling, favourite children’s author, (and, once,  famously right-on as a Labour supporter, fierce critic of the wicked Tories and feminist) together with Ur-feminist Germaine Greer,  have both  been pilloried for apparent Transphobia, for daring to suggest that if a male cuts all his bits off and  fills his body up with female hormones to develop breasts (and other more messy surgical treatment) he does not become a woman, per se.It’s a point of view. Personally, if a lad believes he is a lassie and not merely a eunuch, who am I to put a spoke in his wheel? If she is still armed with a male weapon and goes into the Ladies loo only to pee on the seat, on the other hand..... and I really think that teenagers  whose raging hormones and developing brains may encourage them to identify as a member of the opposite sex, ought to have to wait until they are a tab more mature before taking an irreversible decision on their sexuality, and shouldn’t be encouraged by adults  into taking such action. And Doctors shouldn’t perform such operations  on minors. It’s a point of view. Don’t judge me!

 I leave you with these extracts from an interesting article from the Sydney Morning Herald, about Twitter mobbing.

“........You can say that ridiculing Twitter’s exotic grievances is an easy sport. Sure, except that years ago it seemed to me that Twitter wasn’t merely reflecting, but engendering and magnifying, a kind of wickedly censorious piety. And one that was increasingly influencing journalists and artists. I’ve had editors more interested in avoiding controversy than in judging the accuracy and value of my work.

Online, piety has no trouble finding affirmation. But the thing with piety is that it stubbornly resists private examination. This might work for the seminary, but it seems ruinous for a writer. Unless you’re an awful one. In which case, this is an optimal environment to work in – so, congratulations on being born to an age that enthusiastically supports your mediocrity.

I suspect the most politically pious in this country won’t be satisfied until certain professions have yielded their specific values and functions in deference to a vision of society that is perfectly liberated from aggravation. It’s a vision of a giant creche.

All contest would be outlawed. Literature would become dogma. Universities would moonlight as daycare centres. The law would abandon its duty to evidentiary thresholds and the presumption of innocence, and become a place of infinite credulity. Comedy would cede the joys of irreverence, and prefer applause to laughter. Journalism would reject curiosity, exploration and corroboration, in favour of politically sanctioned advocacy and “authentic” personal essays. Increasingly, newsrooms will serve their readers a narrow, ideologically curated diet.

I’ve disagreed with plenty of Bari Weiss’s work, but I agreed with her this week when she wrote, in her open letter resigning as an opinion editor at The New York Times, that “a new consensus has emerged in the press ... that truth isn’t a process of collective discovery, but an orthodoxy already known to an enlightened few whose job is to inform everyone else”.

These days, it’s quite common to hear: “It is imperative that a writer of non-fiction write only about experiences they’ve had.” ( I thought it was supposed to apply to writers of fiction) When confronted with this stupidity, I experience my own violent irrationality and consider applying the credo in extremis by torching all newsrooms and the history sections of libraries.

A common defence of the left’s censoriousness – however venomous and trivial – is that it is merely free speech deployed against another’s. That’s fundamentally true, and it’s also disingenuous: the threat of mobilised zealotry is chilling speech.

I can’t prove the negative here – I can’t measure the things not written or said. But I can tell you that I’ve spoken to a few eminent writers about this – authors of works we’d consider classics – who have told me they would not dare to publish the work today. One writer told me she had not slept the night she spoke to me about such things, so fearful was she that I’d publish it. That’s a problem.

It’s also a problem when scholars are sacked for tweeting links to academic papers, when good faith cannot be distinguished from bad, when writers self-censor or have to explain that their insistence on complexity is owed to intellectual integrity and not, say, their belief in white supremacy or Satan.

Increasingly, those who have contributed to a culture of outrageous sensitivity are being impaled on the swords they helped sharpen. Past months have resembled a kind of woke purge. Which makes schadenfreude very easy to indulge, but we’ll need to resist that dubious pleasure lest we perpetuate this cycle of mob-ruled destruction of careers and reputations.

This isn’t either/or. It shouldn’t be truth versus freedom. It shouldn’t be inferred that criticism of this censoriousness means that the critic doesn’t believe there aren’t righteous battles being fought. But you can’t tell me that elements of this online piety aren’t absurd, indulgent or destructive.

You can’t tell me that middle-class folk aren’t publicising interpersonal spats as proof of “systemic violence”, or that we’re not partially cannibalising culture in a moment of historic uncertainty and vast, easily industrialised disinformation. Or that I can’t resist or make fun of Jacobin zealotry. You can’t.

Martin McKenzie-Murray, Sydney Morning Herald

It looks like I’m guilty of schadenfreude myself. Oops!

#twitter mobbing #wrongthought

[techouspeaks]

A Review of: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Well first establish, I never watched the old series so I’m not going to compare the two series together. With that being said, I am very aware of the He-Man series since I grew up with the 2002 series, though that doesn’t make me an expert, I do understand the lore and what that series is about.

Put it short, I’m just going to judge it as is and I’ll try to be a bit brief about it. So, I guess I should explain the complaints I and most people have with this series. First the animation. Yeah...it’s pretty bad. I mean for a Dreamworks project I actually did expect much better. Considering that a lot of Dreamworks stuff in terms of animation wise, is soo good! Like Voltron being the best but shoot, even Kulipari, Dreamworks Dragons, ect, they have really great animation and this is She-Ra! An 80s fan favorite and one that would clearly sell because at this time of age, the whole girl power is like through the roof! They could have put more time into the animation. I mean, keep the art style. Art style is fine but the over all animation and how characters move is poor. Not terrible but you can tell it’s very rushed. They put more effort into the transformation scene than the rest...

And don’t tell me poor budget or lack of time...I’ve seen personal projects done by small studios, and people doing it by themselves through their homes that done better job at animating. Yes, animation is hard and it takes time but it’s worth the effort put in and there’s no excuse of a professional team cutting slack. Shoot, even the Disney sequels have better animation than this and they’re done from the animation teams that were just starting out.

Granted, the art isn’t totally bad. I prefer this over the butter bean style that Cartoon Network, for whatever reason decides to not give up on. I will say the character designs look like human beings than beans and in some parts when the animation decides to be good, it does show. The character designs and background art is good. It’s very creative. The animation and the movements just need to be amped up more.

Don’t tell me it’s because it’s a “kids show, it doesn’t have to look good.” Here’s a good example of a kid’s show with quality

Again those are shows that are done today that clearly had more effort put into the animation. Dreamworks has done the same with other shows, they could have done so with She-Ra. Again not the art style that’s the problem. It’s just how choppy the animation is.

Another thing that I have issues with is the pacing especially in the development with the characters. All the characters develop way too fast in my opinion, at least in some moments. Some moments with certain characters are developed fine, like Glimmer’s development. Her’s I actually thought was handle rather well, others especially Catra’s was handled either forcefully or rushed. Characters aren’t given enough time to take in the moment and breath a bit. Everything is rushed.

Speaking of Catra and her relationship with Adora, that was especially rushed. When we first meet the two, I didn’t even believe they were friends. If we had gotten to know Catra and Adora from the beginning more and have Catra actually feel something other than being bitterness at Adora, I would have felt something from their relationship, which sadly I didn’t. Even when we get to the arc of learning about Catra’s past with Adora, the relationship again feels rushed and clunky. Though I will admit, the pacing does get a little better towards the climax, but we had to deal with rushed pacing through out the whole season.

I get there are 13 episodes. You know what? Voltron had that much episodes, even less than that sometimes and each character developed well pace. Yes, some seasons had to have characters have their own arcs and it took a season for some to develop but that’s just it. The team behind Voltron knew that’s what it takes sometimes to make a well paced and very well told story and characters. We at least got to know quite a bit of characters and yes, sadly some don’t get a back story, but shoot, we got more backstory on those characters than we do the princesses besides Glimmer, Adora, shoot, we dunno much about Bow even and he’s one of the main characters. He’s the main bestie of the crew! Where’s his backstory and proper development? Least we had some kind of back story about Lance, Hunk and even Coran and those are the characters sadly we didn’t get too much back story, but they were developed enough for me to care about them deeply. 

That and a lot of the story is very predicable sadly. When Shadow Weaver attacked Adora when they were vacationing, I knew exactly what was going to happen. She’s going make Adora freak out and make her friends believe they hate her because she’s destroying everything, but Adora will realize SW’s plan, stand up against her and make everything right again. Some episodes had surprisingly good moments like the episode that introduces Entrapa. That episode was pretty good, though, I again I could predict a bit of it, except for the ending.

Bitch and moan, bitch and moan, what do I at least like about the series? Well, the characters are really good. I know I said that after bitching about the development but the characters as they are, are pretty memorable and likable, though, I can tell with the boys there was some SJW interfering. 

You know masculine men aren’t all bad? Not every masculine dude is a dick. It doesn’t hurt to have at least one masculine man. Just saying but as I say this, I will admit even when with that, the boys are still rather competent. They do hold their own and have some heart to em, especially Bow, who is one of my favorite characters and I like Mermista, Entrapa though a bit too out there to be even real, maybe anyway,  I still like her character and design. Also her butler is so adorable! I wish he had more screen time!

The villains, except for Hordak are decent, I love Scorpia being one of the best. I wanted to hug her she’s so awesome. Hordak is a snooze fest. I mean there isn’t anything about him other than he has a weird baby spy for some reason, which actually makes it all the more creepy...Is that like his son or something?

Catra is okay...I mean the actress who plays her is pretty good in doing her crying scenes. She does act like a teen would when upset and trying to figure out things, but again, her development is so clunky and again, I didn’t care for what was going to happen to her and her relationship with Adora. Again, if she had shown more sympathy to her friend from the beginning, I would have shown more concern for her and cared about their friendship. As is, they don’t act like best friends. They acted more like just classmates with how rushed the development is. 

Adora herself is pretty likeable and I did want to see what happens to her. Though again, some of her development is a bit rushed. At least in say Winx Club, Bloom got more time to develop but with there being 13 episodes, I could give this a slip. 

The music is amazing though! I loved the score for this series! It reminded me of some 80s background music with the guitar and the synthesizer! That is awesome! The only thing that wasn’t so awesome was the theme song...It’s mediocre but the rest of the score was awesome. In fact, half the time I thought the score was too good for this series man! 

Another thing I did enjoy was the episodes that did lead up to the 13th episode. That’s when the development did start slowing down a bit and we had time to at least care about the characters a little bit more and how they feel about each other. The animation even got a bit more decent towards the end. Like where was that in the beginning? Though the climax...Yeah I will admit, was pretty weak. Compared to others including from not so big animation studios, the climax could have been a bit more original. I’ve seen this climax done hundreds of times. I even have this sort of climax in one of my written novels but I at least put it well paced. As is, it’s not the worst I’ve seen, but definitely expected a better climax for a season.

I really tried to open my mind for this series and as is, it’s not the worst by far. I can tell a lot of heart went into this. The art style is fine but the animation can be very bad at times. The characters are great and memorable, but very rushed in development and a bit too SJW appeal to some, thus making them a bit dated once the SJW fad wears off and people move onto the next trend. Some episodes towards the climax are decent but the climax I felt could have been more original, if anything throw in a few twists to make an already seen premise be a bit more fresh. The music is awesome and some designs are cool. 

As is it’s not terrible but I’m gonna have to rate She-Ra an average 5 out of 10 star rating. I do recommend you watch it to see if you like it or have kids that would like to see some nice characters and action scenes as well as rather easy to follow story. It’s by no means a bad series, I just think there are shows that did better what She Ra was trying to do. I will see what Season 2 will bring and see if it will be better than Season 1 so there’s a silver lining. I will continue to watch this series. Not great but not awful.

5 Stars

Level: Good!

[lisamarieblair]

Hello dear readers! Happy Sunday and welcome. Thank you for stopping by for a bit of caffeine and catching up.

Even though I knew it was coming, the time change still threw me off this morning. I forgot to set my alarm last night, which has been unnecessary for many weekends in a row now and got up almost exactly one hour later than usual. So, instead of losing an hour of sleep, I lost an hour of my day. I haven’t been able to catch up yet.

But coffee always helps and I, thinking of one of my favorite quotes from Terry Pratchett, plan to pour a big cup of cold brew and get that hour back not from the past, as that would be impossible, but from my future self, who probably would have wasted it anyway.

So, please, pull up a chair and help yourself to a cup too. It’s not a particularly warm day, but it’s nicer than usual so I’m airing out the house while I can and letting plenty of sun in while it’s shining. Let’s talk about last week.

“Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.”

― Terry Pratchett, Thud!

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that this was a refreshingly unremarkable week, or, the beginning was at least. My workload had reduced to nearly nothing, and I got to spend my free time reading, writing, and organizing the first notes and ideas of a new project I’d like to start. I caught up on my favorite podcasts, made important phone calls, and even took a nap!

The week was low-key, but that isn’t the same as stress-free. The reason my workload was so reduced was that my team’s schedule kept getting shuffled and pushed. We showed up every day thinking we knew the plan and every day we were told a different one. We couldn’t shake the feeling that the work would never get done but that even when it did time constraints would make doing good work impossible.

Now I’m afraid the coming week will have twice the work to do with the same amount of time. I expect bad moods and flaring tempers all around.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that as the week wore on we got busier and busier as we approached my brother’s wedding date Friday.

My sister and her kids flew into town on Wednesday and I spent the evening at my mother’s seeing her and her kids, my other sister, and my brother’s children who we left in grandma’s care for the evening. We had a great time and I went home and got to bed much later than was healthy because I was simply having too much fun.

Thursday I still had to work and afterward had to rush across town for the rehearsal dinner. My family was too worn out from the rehearsal before to keep the night going and honestly, I was worn out from a long cold day at work to keep the night going. We all went home, and to bed, early so we’d be bright eyed and bushy tailed for the big day.

I spent the morning of the wedding with my mom, my sister, and her kids. We took it easy, relaxing and watching TV, getting ready in bursts and shifts and trying to keep each other calm. We were all nervous for my brother. We wanted his and his fiancee’s day to go off without a hitch, but we were nervous for ourselves as well. We all have our own anxieties, and social functions are a common trigger. Add to that the expectations and the responsibility we each had to help make the day perfect, and we were all on edge and on the verge of tears.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that none of us had any reason to be worried. The day was perfect and everything went just as it was supposed to. The ceremony was short. The couple wrote their own vows and jumped the broom after the kiss. We all filed into the next room for cocktail hour and my girlfriend, who had volunteered to test her photography skills for the day, took everyone outside for pictures.

The food was good and the DJ, the brides younger sister played all the great wedding hits. We drank, ate, drank some more, and then we danced the night away.

By the end of the night, my sisters and I were the last ones on the dance floor and feeling great, but the night had to be cut short after a few had a few too many and we had to rally to get them home safe.

All in all, it was a beautiful day and I’m happy we got to be part of it. I’m also glad it’s over and I can focus fully on my own coming in just a few short months.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that we have so much to do and I cannot for the life of me figure out why I can’t get it together and get it done. I’m procrastinating bad! We both are. We’re paralyzed by fear and still time is tick, tick, ticking away and still, we can’t help ourselves by taking any concrete action.

My biggest goal this week is to contact all the caterers on the list and to start on attire. We’re quickly approaching a point in our timeline where if too much is left to do we will have to make tough choices and compromises that will negatively impact our vision for the day.

After attending my brother’s wedding though I actually feel a lot better about my own capabilities for planning. He and his wife kept it simple, and it was good to see that simple can still be fun and beautiful. I was also happy to find that his wedding differed greatly from what I envision for my own and I’m even more excited to show people what we come up with.

After all that work and wedding stuff we felt it was important to reconnect with each other and get back to our own lives so we planned a little date night. Dinner and a movie, our old favorite. We saw Captain Marvel and I want to take a moment before I go to urge all of you, but especially those of you with young girls and those of us who were once young girls, to go see it.

I went into it not knowing very much about Captain Marvel. I never read the comics and I only vaguely remember her from the X-Men cartoons I used to watch as a kid. I went into the theater thinking I was about to see a very mediocre story about a very mediocre superhero, damn was I wrong!

The story was well written and well acted. The moral was thought-provoking and timely, and Captain Marvel was a strong, smart, and perfectly flawed. She may just be my new favorite hero and one I think all girls should see on the big screen, old and young alike.

If we were having coffee, I would tell you that a week of work and wedding things means that my house is in shambles and it means I have to go now if I want to have any chance of cleaning it up and getting ready for Monday.

I hope this last week was good to you. I hope wherever you are you can smell Spring in the air and that “springing forward” doesn’t through you off too much. I hope that you found time to relax this weekend and that your coming week will be even better than the last.

Until next time. 

Written for the #WeekendCoffeeShare link-up hosted by Eclectic Alli.

Photo by Ali Yahya on Unsplash

[coll2mitts]

#86 Carmen Jones (1954)

A sex crazed factory worker corrupts a dumbass American soldier, and when she tries to exert bodily autonomy after their relationship ends, he strangles her to death.  Cute.

Carmen Jones is a modern day retelling of the classic Bizet opera, Carmen.  Set in America during WW2, Carmen works at a parachute factory, and although she has a reputation for getting around, she has her eyes set on Corporal Joe.  The only complication is he currently has a sweetheart, Cindy Lou, and she’s sitting right next to him while Carmen puts the moves on.

The majority of the songs in this movie are from Bizet’s original opera, but with new English lyrics.  I’m all for translating something in a different medium, but Rogers and Hammerstein made the bizarre decision to require actual opera singers to perform these songs, instead of updating the style of delivery to something you don’t need years upon years of training to execute.

I probably don’t have to tell you that the majority of the actors in this movie were dubbed when they sang, including their main actress, Dorothy Dandridge, whose parts were sang by Marilynn Horne.

Again, I ask, why cast leads of your movie that you’re going to have to dub over?  This also leads to some racists fucking bullshit, where the black actors are dubbed over with white singers trying to “sound black”.  And by “sounding black”, apparently that means speaking in improper grammar and replacing any word that starts with T with a D.  It’s fucking awkward.

The songs are written in this dialect, however, so it wasn’t even a creative choice from Marilynn Horne.  It was written into the show, which again, fucking oof.  Dorothy Dandridge doesn’t even speak that way when reciting the dialogue, but the minute she has to sing, we’re treated with a barrage of dats, deres, and dens.

Carmen Jones did provide a platform for a lot of black actors and actresses to be featured in a major motion picture, but there were so many things the filmmakers could have done to prevent white voices from dubbing black actors.  Hire someone qualified to sing the role, or change the skill needed to play the role.  With the amount of talent that exists in the world, if you can’t find someone who can both sing and act, you’re not doing your job as a casting director.

(Yes, I know, I know, the lord knows I’m going to have so much to answer to when we get to My Fair Lady, I’m preparing myself.)

Opera singers are nothing *but* charisma, because there’s a good possibility they’re singing in a language that their audience does not understand.  They need to exude the emotion from their voice, and from their movements.  If you want the cast of your movie to sing opera for whatever misguided reason, cast fucking opera singers.

I have mentioned before I have a very, very, very, bad and basic understanding of French, so listening to this opera, I can only pick out bits and pieces of what the hell anybody is singing.  Thankfully, the way Elina Garanca delivers the song, I can surmise everything I need to know. 

Olga James is proof that you can cast someone charismatic and charming who can also fucking sing opera.  After Joe blows off Carmen, he asks Cindy Lou to marry him while telling her she reminds him of his mother.  I can’t think of anything less romantic, but Cindy Lou falls for it hard.  They sing a beautiful duet and she agrees to marry him that day so they can “honeymoon” before he leaves for flight school in the morning. 

Seconds after Joe proposes to Cindy Lou, he’s called to duty to drive Carmen to a neighboring city’s prison because she started a fight with her co-worker.  While Joe is initially pissed off by this, Carmen is through the roof.

Otto Preminger, the director of this film, didn’t believe Dorothy Dandridge could act “sexy” enough to play this role, so she dressed up like Carmen, headed into his office, auditioned again and got the part.  In the original opera, Carmen is sensual, and she comes on strong, but the way Dorothy tries to eat this man alive in the first few scenes of this movie is just bizarre and alarming.

Carmen tries to convince Joe to let her go in exchange with sleeping with her.  When he doesn’t succumb to her advances, she jumps out of the jeep and onto a very slow moving train.  She’s running in heels, and he’s a corporal, so he catches her pretty easily.  After tying her up and shoving her back in the jeep, he decides to shave some time off the journey by taking a backwoods road, uttering a sentence that is literally every Jeep owner’s motto:

In a shocker to end all shockers, he gets the Jeep stuck in a ditch.  Carmen offers to lead him to her hometown, cook him a meal, and when the next train comes, they can head to Masonville together.  They end up back at Carmen’s place and talk about their futures - Joe plans to marry Cindy Lou and go to flight school, and Carmen plans on having a bunch of casual sex that she enjoys.  I know I should be watching Carmen’s excellent skills of seduction, but I’m just focused on the fact that Harry Belafonte had to probably eat a dozen peaches to film this scene.

So, they sleep together, as if that wasn’t going to happen.  Carmen escapes, and Joe is arrested for letting her get away.  She sends him mail, and he continues to pine for a lady he slept with once and subsequently put him in jail, instead of Cindy Lou, who is amazing and supportive in every way.

While Joe is serving out his sentence, Carmen mopes at her favorite watering hole, waiting around for his return.  We finally meet some of her friends, like Frankie, who sings about how excited the beat of the drum makes her, IN A SONG THAT DOESN’T HAVE A DRUM IN IT, WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE.

Like, I get pizzicato is cool and everything, but this song does not justify the fire choreography going on behind Pearl Bailey.  Seriously, props to these dancers, they are doing everything in their power to try and make this song make fucking sense.

I don’t know why this makes me irrationally angry, but it does.  They could have easily added a drum part to this.  It is the worst translation of the opera to musical format, and a waste of Pearl’s talent.  I can’t.

Later in the night, the big hot-shot boxer Husky Miller stops by to revel in his latest victory.  Everyone except Carmen seems impressed, since she’s still thinking about Joe’s dick, and has probably seen that Animaniacs cartoon enough to be as bored with this as I am.  Husky seems enthralled with her, however, and asks his manager to try and convince her to join them in Chicago.  They rope in Carmen’s friends, and even though they all sing a very convincing song about how exciting it is to board a train, Carmen sticks by her man and blows them off.

Speaking of her man, he is released from jail, and instead of indulging Carmen with the love fest she expected, informs her that he will be leaving for flight school the next day.  Carmen realizes Joe doesn’t appreciate her jail-induced celibacy, and decides he’s no longer worth her time.  She tries to leave with Joe’s commanding officer, since he seems to knows a good woman when he sees one.  Joe throws a fit, and a punch, at a Sargent, which would land him 4 years in jail if he’s caught.

After coming to the realization he’s the dumbest person alive, Joe decides to flee the city with Carmen and head to Chicago.  Carmen and him spend a week holed up and boning because Joe can’t go anywhere at risk of him being arrested.  Carmen, bored and out of money, decides to hit up Husky Miller and see what that wealthy dude is up to.  Frankie’s outfit only confirms Carmen made a terrible choice in a man.

After pawning some tacky jewelry and buying a new dress and some food, Joe gives Carmen shit about paying for things, because he can’t possibly understand how she could earn money without selling herself.  He asks her to stay in the apartment with him forever, because he lovesssss heeeerrrrrrrr, and that means she has to listen to what he says.  She, rightfully, tells him to get all the way off her fucking back and leaves to grab a sugar daddy.

She has a lot of fun with her new benefactors, clearly.  Being in Husky’s pocket has a lot of advantages, and Carmen is enjoying all of them.  That is, until Cindy Lou comes knocking, looking for her ex-man, because for some goddamn unspeakable reason she still wants him back.

Joe shows up to harass Carmen, because he’s a NICE GUY, and Cindy Lou tries to convince him Carmen does not, in fact, have a magic pussy, and he should go home with her instead.  He, like the dumbass who gave up his future as a pilot to be with this flighty woman, decides running from the army and stalking Carmen is the way to go.  Cindy Lou is heartbroken, even though she deserves so. much. fucking. better. than. this. mediocre. man.

I really wish I could insert a video of Olga James singing this song, because she knocks it out of the park.  The range in the emotions on her face, from despair, defiance, anger, love, and pleading... it’s so beautiful.  The fact this woman didn’t become a bigger star is just a crime.

After the drama is dealt with, Husky Miller takes his glamtourage to one of his fights and punches this shit out of his opponent, winning the match.

Joe, of course, follows them there, because he doesn’t have a goddamn brain in his head.  After Husky’s victory, he drags Carmen into a broom closet and begs her to run away with him.  Sure, he’s AWOL, and yeah, if he’s arrested he’d be sent to prison for four years, but he loves her, and that should be enough to incentivize her to live in his poorly built cage.

That is a face of a woman who is fed up with some bullshit.

Carmen tells Joe, again, that she’s with Husky and has no interest in leaving her cushy setup to hock more jewelry and never leave a shitty apartment.  Joe tells Carmen he’ll kill her instead, and she dares him to, either because she wants to die, or she underestimates how much men love to possess people that once smiled nicely at them.

Then he strangles her, concluding this cautionary tale of domestic violence.

Nothing good ever came from a man who thought he owned a woman.  Except this fire violin piece.

Prepare yourselves for a spooky double feature. We have a few... unusual films coming up next.

[jacobtmcelroy-blog]

Batman the Animated Series: ALL Episodes Ranked

Over my lifetime, I have seen many live action and animated television programs. Out of all of those, I have never watched a show I have as much adoration for as Batman: The Animated Series. The series premiered in 1992 and could have been a cheap cash-in on the success of the first two Tim Burton movies. However, thanks to the storytelling skills of Bruce Timm, Kevin Altieri, and many others, Batman TAS was a massive success. The show was dark, mature, but still great for children and adults alike. Two episodes even won Emmy’s. So, I recently re-watched the series and decided I am going to take on the brave task of ranking every episode. Because there are so few purely bad episodes of Batman TAS, choosing the top groups was incredibly difficult. However, I did my best to complete the tall task and my hard work lies below.

The Dreadful, Horrible Tier

As I previously stated, there are very few bad episodes of the BTAS. Very, very few. However, those select few are pretty atrocious. Basically, this is the “what this show could have been with lazier, cheaper writers tier”.

102. Showdown

This episode has absolutely nothing to do with Batman. That is all. Let’s continue.

101. I’ve Got Batman in My Basement

Batman: The Phantom Menace. Seriously, these kids were as bad as Jake Lloyd Anakin. 

100. Tyger, Tyger

Who thought turning Catwoman into an actual cat was a good idea? It definitely was not.

99. Love is a Croc

Odd pairing couple strategy just ended up being... odd.

98. Cat Scratch Fever

Man, Catwoman had some bad episodes. This awkward commentary on animal testing was one of them.

97. The Demon Within

This just feels nothing like a Batman episode. The evil kid is really annoying too.

96. Critters

Joel Schumacher takes over the helm of this hilariously bad episode... at least it seems like.

Of Lower Quality Than Others Tier

While not horrible and a disgrace to existence like the prior episodes listed... these are not too great either. They are at least watchable. Usually these are either uninteresting, laughably entertaining, or just REALLY mediocre. At least there’s no “I’ve Got Batman in My Basement” here.

95. Prophecy of Doom

Batman versus... Miss Cleo, the fraud psychic from the 90′s! It’s about as interesting as it sounds honestly.

94. The Underdwellers

Hey Arnold’s Sewer King episode was much more interesting. Not much else to say honestly.

93. Terrible Trio

Talk about appropriate title names. The plot isn’t terrible, but the villains certainly are. One of the show creators called this the worst episode of the DCAU.

92. Make’em Laugh

See? Even the Joker can have a bad episode.

91. Blind as a Bat

“ALFRED, I CAN’T SEE!!!” Possibly the worst delivery from Kevin Conroy for one of the most melodramatic lines of the series. The Penguin has another flop here.

90. The Cape and Cowl Conspiracy

The poor man’s Riddler takes on Batman in this underachieving episode that actually could have been interesting.

89. The Forgotten

Cool Hand Batman! If the villain wasn’t a joke, maybe I would not forget this episode as much.

88. Moon of the Wolf

Entertainingly stupid, but also stupid. Why would “advanced werewolf-ism” cure werewolf-ism?!

87. Sideshow

A bit of a controversial placement on this list, but I just don’t think Killer Croc is a sympathetic villain. He is pretty much a pure evil character. Just my opinion.

 Jason Bourne Amnesia Tier..../Forgettable

We have escaped the very worst of what BTAS had to offer. The problem is there are so many good episodes of the series that some fall through the cracks. Oh, and there are also some mediocre episodes in this tier too. Especially, forgettable sequels to really good first episodes.

86. TIme Out of Joint

Basically, this is one of those. A disappointing sequel to a stellar introductory episode to the Clock King. This one also has too much of the Saturday Morning cartoon feel to it.

85. Animal Act

Mad Hatter definitely had some good episodes in this series.This one was not one of them. The writers tried to institute Dick’s circus past into this episode, but they just don’t do it very well.

84. Cold Comfort

Essentially, this is the Saturday Morning cartoon Mr. Freeze episode. Both of his other episodes were mature, dark, and tautly written. This one is not terrible, but it is just really disappointing based on his prior two.

83. Be a Clown

This episode isn’t near as bad as I remembered it to be and it actually has a nice lesson for kids and parents. However, there are some really stupid parts. Why did Bruce, Mayor Hill, Gordon, or anyone else not recognize the Joker in disguise... AS A CLOWN?! He even puts a bomb with a Joker face on the cake. Oh, and the kid is kind of annoying.

82. Fear of Victory

This is not a terrible episode either, but it feels a lot more juvenile than most episodes in the series. Comparing this to the other Scarecrow episodes makes that more obvious. Pretty forgettable too.

81. Bane

Bane’s sole appearance on his own in this series is fairly mediocre honestly. His fight with Batman is good, but Bane’s representation in this series is sort of laughable. His lines and character are ridiculously over the top and almost cringe-worthy at times. Also, Robin is a joke this episode.

80. Torch Song

I have always thought Firefly was an underrated Batman villain, but his iteration here leaves a lot to be desired. His burning the city plot is kind of cliche and the girl he is stalking is really unlikable. However, the ending has a nice “burning” feeling to it. (*facepalm*) One of the better of the series actually.

79. A Bullet for Bullock

I wish this was a more memorable episode based on the fun but complicated relationship between Batman and Bullock. However, the abrupt and awkward ending drops this episode’s quality significantly.

78. The Lion and the Unicorn

Looking into Alfred’s past and making him more involved was a good idea, but bringing back such a mediocre villain like Red Claw sure was not. Her accent is just as awful as it was the first time.

77. Fire from Olympus

Fire from Olympus is entertaining, but Maxie Zeus and his plot is honestly too cartoony and goofy for a cartoon with the tonality of BTAS.

76. It’s Never Too Late

This is not a bad episode by any means, but I forget it exists most of the time. Enough said.

75. P.O.V.

Remember what I said for the last one? Same case here.

74. Girls’ Night Out

Despite Supergirl’s appearance, Girls’ Night Out is by far the least memorable of the Harley/Ivy team up episodes. The dynamic between Supergirl and Batgirl is fun at times though.

Flawed... But Still Entertaining Tier

This next group of episodes is a decent step up from the last section due to them being a little less forgettable or at least trying a new concept, even if it does not fully work. Still, once again, these are where we are starting to venture into the decent category. (very good for most other shows...)

73. Chemistry

This episode had an interesting and much higher usagee of Bruce Wayne, which helped its cause. However, the plot feels way too similar to the superior “House and Garden” episode from the second season making it a retread.

72. Night of the Ninja

Kyodai Ken brings in elements from Bruce’s past, which I always like when the series does. However, his plot and overall character, in this episode, are just kind of boring and cliched. His fight with Bruce near the end (with a nice touch as Summer is covered by a curtain) was pretty solid.

71. The Worry Men

The Worry Men is fun and is full of fan service at the end, but its twist is just a little too predictable for my liking.

70. What is Reality?

The Riddler’s back... and he either watched Spy Kids 3, Tron, or Sword Art Online while he was gone! The use of virtual reality really has not aged well in this episode... at all. Still, it’s at least fun even if parts only sort of make sense.

69. Mad as a Hatter

Oh ho ho, another controversial placement. While almost all the established origin stories are good in this show, I have always felt this one pales in comparison with the others. Not saying it is bad, but Hatter’s first episode’s plot does not pop out to me as much as others.

68. Sins of the Father

Tim Drake’s origin episode should have been a lot better than this. The death of his father did not leave him with a single tear, which took out all the needed emotion in this episode away. Compare that to the masterful Robin’s Reckoning. Dick’s reaction after leaving the circus for the first time carried more emotion than this entire episode combined. Still, at least it is entertaining. 

67. Off Balance

Off Balance is thoroughly entertaining and introduces us to Talia and briefly Ra’as. However, it just does not stand on its own well. It’s well... off balance. (Da dum tis)

66. Eternal Youth

The sight of Poison Ivy’s end plan is pretty horrifying. Alfred and a lady friend are a bigger part in this episode, which is also a nice touch. The part that bothers me is not a single person recognizes Poison Ivy’s Clark Kent disguise. She should have had a lot of media coverage after trying to kill Harvey Dent, right?

65. The Cat and the Claw

Catwoman just could not stop from being paired with either bad villains or bad villain plots, could she? The parts that focus on her and her relationship with Batman in this episode were great as most would expect. However, Red Claw and her atrociously fake accent is such a boring villain that it takes away from the rest of the episode.

64. Avatar

Batman: Raiders of the Lost Egyptian Tomb. This is sort of an out there episode for Batman TAS, but admittedly it is pretty entertaining. Bruce, Talia, and Ra’as have such an interesting relationship that it makes any episode with all three of them in it at least fun. Once again though, this just does not feel much like a Batman episode.

63. Cult of the Cat

I really do not like the re-designed Catwoman suit in the later seasons of the series. I had to say it. Besides that, Cult of the Cat is a fun Catwoman episode that lets her be slightly more evil than normal. The action is high octane and kickass here too. However, the villains are kind of stock and bland making this episode not stick out as much as it should.

62. The Last Laugh

“You Killed Captain Clown!”. What a wonderful line and moment of the series. Besides that, line nothing really stick out from the pack of great Joker episodes in BTAS. The plot is okay, but forgettable. 

61. Lock-Up

This episode never reaches the heights that it should given timing of it to all of those villain reform episodes. It is entertaining, a little silly (Bruce’s smoke suitcase he borrowed from Clark Kent, I guess), but cannot land the Shoryuken it sets up before the time skip. However, the ending is brilliant and one of the best in the series.

Now These Episodes Are Good Tier

Now, this is what I was talking about. From here on out, I can say every episode it at least in the good category and would be really good for most other shows. Are episodes in this tier masterpieces? No, but while they would not be the first I would recommend, watching these will at least entertain and leave most viewers feeling mostly satisfied.

60. Paging the Crime Doctor

The creators of the show dub this episode as “the geezer episode”. Despite this moniker, the storytelling under the hood is both suspenseful and gives a different feel than many other episodes of the series. The only real downside is we never the see “The Crime Doctor” again in the series, which is a shame because he is an interesting character. It makes the episode lose some of its punch because of it.

59. Holiday Knights

While not groundbreaking, Holiday Knights is a really fun episode. In fact, it is the only anthology episode in the series, which gives it a different vibe. Of the three stories, the best one I believe is the Harley/Ivy going with Bruce on a shopping spree story. The following two are not quite as strong, but fun episode all and all.

58. Heart of Steel

Holy invasion of the body snatchers Batman! The fact this is a two part episode feels a bit odd to me, but it is entertaining despite it being way over the top. Building up Barbara’s character and her relationship with Bruce was a nice touch here.

57. Day of the Samurai

Batman meets anime. The Big O? Not quite, but we will get to that later. Day of the Samurai is a much better Kyodai Ken episode than his prior appearance, but still feels a little out of place. However, the setting and classic samurai style to the story makes Day of the Samurai an entertaining watch.

56. Zatanna

Zatanna is one of my favorite DC heroines, and her appearance here came out of nowhere for me. While the plot and Batman/Zatanna team-up is really fun, the villain is kind of average and forgettable. The flashbacks in this episode were particularly strong on another note.

55. Christmas with the Joker

“Jingle Bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg!”. Christmas with the Joker sure is not deep, but it is still a fun Christmas episode that I watch every year during the Christmas season. The only aspect of the episode that bothers me is that the ending is incredibly similar to The Last Laugh. Still though, nice Christmas episode.

54. Mean Seasons

When an episode like Mean Seasons only finishes mid-pack, you know you have a good show on your hands. Mean Seasons is a clever narrative on age and beauty standards in modern times in the entertainment industry. It stands up really well. However, for some reason or another I still forget about it when I do my watchthroughs of the show.

53. Appointment in Crime Alley

Roland Daggett appears in episodes all over the board in quality it seems like. While Appointment is not his best episode, it is definitely solid. The ending is another one of the best ones in the series. Once again, not much terribly wrong here, I just tend to forget about it.

52. The Mechanic

The Mechanic is a highly underappreciated episode of the show. I usually find it ranked in the bottom ten to twenty in most lists that I see. Unlike most, I think the Mechanic has great action and a nice, different twist on the origin of the batmobile and its creator, which one never really thinks about. Plus, the duck scene is one of Penguin’s most menacing of the series. Is it deep? No. Is it fun? Yes.

51. Batgirl Returns

Of all the characters who received great iterations in BTAS, one of the more underrated ones was Batgirl/Barbara. Her character is extremely likable. Combine her and Catwoman (plus a disapproving Robin) and you get a fun episode. This episode fades in comparison to her premiere episode, but this one is pretty good too.

50. On Leather Wings

The first produced episode of Batman is definitely a good one. In a rare occasion for this show, I believe the sequel to this episode is superior. However, that does not mean On Leather Wings is a bad episode. The action is great and it is a good early Batman against Bullock episode.

49. Baby Doll

Well, here comes another controversial placement. I do definitely think Baby-Doll is an emotional, zany episode with a solid ending, but it just feels too zany and unbelievable at times. Despite that opinion, Baby Doll is one of the more interesting original villains introduced in this show. She’s certainly a lot better here than in “Love is a Croc”.

48. Second Chance

While The Riddler will always be my favorite Batman villain, I personally believe Two-Face was the best and most consistently written villain in this series. All of the episodes based around him are good, but that also means some fade into the mix. Second Chance is one of those due to Judgment Day using a similar twist in a little better way. That is not to say Second Chance is not good. Because it definitely is. 

47. Beware the Creeper

Woah, what a zany, fun episode. This could also be one of the most risque in the series too, especially due to the very seductive, and hilarious, Harley Quinn inside the pie mix dance for her and the Joker’s anniversary. The Creeper himself is a crazier version of the Joker, created in the same way the Joker was in the 1989 film. I did not think a crazier version of the Joker was possible, but alas here he is. While I do not think this episode reaches quite the heights it could, the Joker screaming in fear to get away from the “crazy guy” is never not funny.

These Are Really Good Tier

Well, you read the tier name. Let’s continue.

46. The Strange Secret of Bruce Wayne

Now, this is what I am talking about. An interesting plot, a great early series supervillain team up, and a hilarious twist make Dr. Strange’s lone appearance on BTAS a good one. My only real complaint is Bruce makes some uncharacteristically stupid decisions in this episode that propels the plot into motion.

45. Vendetta

Killer Croc has never been amongst my favorite Batman villains, but this tautly written episode makes the best use of (solo) Croc in the series. Besides Croc’s appearance here, the Batman/Bullock relationship is explored and is made a central focus of this episode. As one may expect, I like that. 

44. You Scratch My Back

As previously stated, Catwoman had some real duds in this series. However, her later appearances tended to be solid. Teaming Catwoman up with a rebellious and somewhat angsty Nightwing was a smart move by the writers here. While I saw the twist of the episode coming, it was still really entertaining and made for one of Selina’s best episodes of the series.

43. The Ultimate Thrill

So... this could be one of the racier episodes of non-adult cartoons I have seen. Roxy Rocket mounts a rocket for a large portion of the episode, gets off due to Batman chasing her, and is half-dressed a large amount of time. I can understand why this episode was skipped when it aired later on. Besides what I mentioned, The Ultimate Thrill is a really solid episode with really nice action setpieces. It all feels a little... strange, but still a good episode.

42. Legends of the Dark Knight

Episodes like this one with so many in jokes only comic book fans would understand are wonderful. The kids’ throwbacks to the 60′s campy Batman and the gritty Frank Miller Dark Knight Returns Batman are spot on. I also love the jab at Joel Schumacher with the kid named Joel’s ridiculous description of what he thinks Batman is like. It’s hilarious. The only real uninteresting part of this episode is the frame story.

41. Riddler’s Reform

Of all of the season 2 redemption episodes, Riddler’s falls into the upper tier. Yeah, a couple we will talk about soon are definitely better, but Nygma’s reform path is a good one. I like how Ed actually sort of wants to reform in this episode but is just to obsessed with riddling Batman and Robin to actually reform. Oh, and the ending is executed really, really well.

40. Read My Lips

I have always found the Ventriloquist to be an underrated Batman villain despite how silly he is in premise. The writers of the animated series always utilized the character’s multiple personality syndrome really well and in the most realistic way possible. As one may guess, the character’s premiere episode was really good. However, (unpopular opinion) I think some of his later episodes are a nice step up.

39. Joker’s Favor

How does the average Gotham citizen view the Joker? Well, similarly to how most of us would view a homicidal maniac it ends up. Joker’s relentless torture of an average guy is an interesting idea for an episode that is well executed throughout. Another plus is this episode created Harley Quinn. So, there’s that. Oh, by the way, that makeshift bat signal would not have worked if Bruce was 100 feet further ahead. 

38. Nothing to Fear

Besides one misstep of an episode, Scarecrow is another villain with a tremendous track record in BTAS. His premiere episode is a great introduction to the character and slowly introduces who the character actually is and why his motives are what they are. Crane’s later episodes are mostly improvements, so we will talk more about those soon.

37.  Shadow of the Bat

As I said earlier, Batgirl’s representation in this series is well done. The way the writers introduced Barbara first similarly to the way the writers introduced Harvey Dent and Two-Face gave viewers a basis for the character early. As most two part episodes in this series, Shadow is great. The slow burn of Batgirl being looked at as a joke to a somewhat reliable ally for Batman and Robin is written well.

36. Deep Freeze

Backing up Heart of Ice was an almost impossible task. While Deep Freeze is a lesser episode in comparison to the aforementioned masterpiece, Deep Freeze is a terrific Mr. Freeze episode... even though it inspired the plot of Batman and Robin. Despite that, the emotion is still here and Mr. Freeze’s voice is still kick-ass.

35. Mudslide

Similarly to Deep Freeze, Mudslide is a small step down from its predecessor, but Feat of Clay was one of the best of the series. So, take that as it is. Mudslide continues the tragic downfall of the drug addict Matt Hagan and his yearning to become fully human again. This episode does a stellar job at showing showing what desperation can do to those most in need of a cure to their ails.

34. Birds of a Feather

The Penguin had a few major clunkers in this series, but Birds of a Feather is far from that. In fact, it is another one of the best attempts at reform episode in the series. In fact, I was halfway cheering for Penguin during the course of the episode because of his sincere effort. The ending is both tragic and fitting for character like Oswald despite this.

33. Harley’s Holiday

If one would like to watch one of the funniest episodes of Batman, look no further than here. Parts of Harley’s Holiday are hysterical. One scene (at about 1:30 here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J064TI8WDKo) where Harley recognizes Bruce’s chin and identifies him as Bruce Wayne rather than Batman is brilliant. In fact, all of Harley’s interactions with Bats in this episode are. A certain other comedic Joker episode beats this one out, but Harley shines here big time.

32. Joker’s Millions

Remember that Joker episode I mentioned one episode ago? Well here it is. Joker’s Millions is probably the funniest episode of the series. The fake Harley Quinn and tryouts to be the new Harley Quinn are possibly one of the funniest scenes of the series. (another certain Joker scene takes the cake though...). I found the twist a little predictable, but this episode is perfect if you want some Batman action and laughs at the same time.

31. House and Garden

Of the reform episodes of the series, this is probably my second favorite overall. Poison Ivy somehow becomes sympathetic and really disturbing in the same episode with a perfect mix. Without revealing spoilers, the twist is revealed in an effective, slow-burning manner.  Just give this one a watch. You will not regret it.

30. See No Evil

If I had to rank the most underrated or overlooked episodes of BTAS, See No Evil would easily make the cut on that list. Why is this exactly? Mainly, this episode is genuinely really, really creepy. A man with an invisible suit could have been a lame and cliched cartoon villain, but like with many other things, Batman did it right. The episode has some stellar dialogue, action, and a surprisingly funny moment in it. Oh, and Batman has one of his coolest lines of the series near the end.

29. Never Fear

Never Fear, one of the Scarecrow’s best episodes, dares to answer the question: what would Batman be like if he killed people? Never Fear uses the opposite formula (literally in a way) than the rest of the Scarecrow episodes as his fear toxin in this episode gives the unlucky victim no fear rather than all the fear in the world. Its effect on Batman alone makes this a fantastic episode. The guy takes out alligators with his bare hands in this episode for God’s sake.

28. Harley and Ivy

A Harley Quinn/Poison Ivy team-up episode did not have to work, but fortunately for everyone, it did. This is one of the first episodes to show what Harley could do without the guidance of her “Puddin’”, and the added new element to her character improved it even more. Poison Ivy is fantastic here as well in the mentor role to criminal noob Harley. Oh, the Joker’s material here is as good always too.

27. Dreams in Darkness

The best Scarecrow episodes are the ones that ask the most questions. Here, what if Batman was insane? Dreams in Darkness is my favorite of the many great Scarecrow episodes due to the challenge of Batman facing off against his sanity, (something he also does in a certain Mad Hatter episode...) which is something we do not see that often. The narrative all the way up to the ending with giant versions of his rogues gallery makes Darkness ultimately satisfying.

26. His Silicon Soul

I love many things about His Silicon Soul. First, the animation was done by Sunrise, the animator for Cowboy Bebop, Outlaw Star, Gundam Wing, and The Big O. In fact, this episode was the single biggest influence on Sunrise on The Big O’s creation. That anime was essentially BTAS in look, characters, and tone. Good show. Another discussion for another time though. Back to the episode, this use of HARDAC was much better than the first time. Creating another Batman and sticking him in Gotham was more clever and deeper than the prior two-parter combined. The ending is also a work of art.

The Elite

During the NCAA basketball season, the polls and pundits keep a Top 25 list of the best 25 teams in the sport at the time. These teams are powerhouses, the best of the bunch, and not surpassed by any others. Same can be said here. Out of all the wonderful episodes of BTAS, these are almost the best of the best.

25. Pretty Poison

While I have made many obvious and repetitive statements while making this list, I will say again Batman did a fantastic job of establishing its villains before they became villains. Pretty Poison establishes Harvey Dent as one of Bruce’s best friends before ongoing his transformation, and it pays dividends later on. As for this episode itself, Poison Ivy is established early as one of the most dangerous re-occurring villains of the show. She is seductive, tough, and clever all at the same time. Her plot in this episode is simple yet suspenseful due to tight writing. Make this an essential viewing.

24. Terror in the Sky

On Leather Wings was an entertaining and explosive start to the series that lacked... well... something. However, Terror in the Sky added whatever Man Bat’s first escapade was missing. The action in Terror is some of the best in the entire series from the motorcycle chase to the final showdown on the plane. Also, the twist is a classic in the series. Without spoiling anything, this overlooked episode of Batman is one of the very best action focused episodes of the series.

23. Judgment Day

Without spoiling everything here, Judgment Day probably has one of the best twist endings in the entire series. I was genuinely shocked after my first viewing of this episode. I may have been six or so, but still it is really clever. Aside from the ending, Judgment Day features some nice action, a mysterious new vigilante character, and whole lot more. Just watch it.

22. The Clock King

While Mr. Freeze is the most famous example of Batman’s rogues gallery being revitalized, The Clock King is honestly a close second. Clock King really had not been utilized since the 1960′s as a Batman foe, so using a gimmicky, sort of goofy villain here in a 1990′s cartoon was a shock. Luckily for the show, they had world class writers that converted Clock King into a gimmicky, but psychotic, vengeful villain. After being late for once ruined his life, Temple Fugate devoted his life to trying to humiliate and murder Mayor Hill in, of course, a time-themed way. This episode could have been really silly, but Clock King ends up being a fantastic villain in a well-paced, action packed episode of Batman.

21. Joker’s Wild

Of all the wonderful Joker episodes, I find this one to be the most overlooked and underrated. The episode starts off with a fun interaction between Joker and Poison Ivy, kind of like the awkward best friend who hates her friend’s boyfriend type of situation. After setting his sites on destroying a new casino designed after him, the Joker is actually shown escaping Arkham, which is a rare occasion in the series. What follows is a brilliant scene where Bruce Wayne eggs on the real Joker, high octane action, and the expected brand of humor. Simple, but great.

20. Catwalk

Now we are finally talking, Selina Kyle. Catwalk is one of Catwoman’s final episodes of the series, and it ends up being her best by far. After giving up her life up as Catwoman, Selina is trying to blend in with the real world with the aid of Bruce, but it just is not working. Subsequently, Kyle is given an offer by another certain rogue that she cannot turn down. Thus, Catwoman returns. What makes this episode strong is the twist, the dynamics between Batman, the other villain, and of course Catwoman. She gets to be more of a villain this episode, or at least more gray, and that is how it should be. Good job Mr. Altieri.

19. Old Wounds

After the events of Robin’s Reckoning, one could start to tell the relationship between Bruce and Dick was starting to weaken through their differences. A major wrench was thrown into that already strained relationship when Barbara played her hand as Batgirl. Thus, we have Old Wounds, one of the best flashback episodes of the series. Without getting into spoiler territory, a traumatic event on the night of Dick’s graduation from college, when Dick was already fed up at Bruce for pulling him away from, almost completely severed the head off their relationship. While the ultimate reason is a bit of misunderstanding and involved jealousy, it is really sad to watch unwind even if we know what is coming. Nightwing’s mullet suck still though.

18. Over the Edge

Let me get this out of the way. Over the Edge could have easily been a top 5 episode if the ending was not such a cop-out.  *sighs* Oh well I guess. But seriously, other than the asspull of an ending, Over the Edge is the most suspenseful episode of the entire series without a doubt. Without spoiling things again, shit hits the fan about five minutes in here and everything snowballs from there. Watching it is thrilling, unnerving, and feels nothing like most of the other episodes of the series. Seriously. When a certain other baddie comes in at the end (in a much better appearance than his first, mind you...), things get even more intense. Give this one a try even if the ending leaves something to be desired.

17. Perchance to Dream

Once again, I will start on the only tiny negative of this episode. If you know the villains’ theme music like I do, you will know who the villain is in this episode early on. Anyways, dream episodes when they really should dream episodes can be very good. HINT HINT. Perchance to Dream is definitely one of those. After waking up in a world full of his greatest desires, Bruce has to unravel what has happened to him and what actions he should take. That may sound vague, but I am trying super hard to avoid spoilers in these top few episodes. Just watch this one and wait for a wonderful ending and a great dual performance from Kevin Conroy.

16. The Laughing Fish

Who would have thought an episode having to do with copyright law and patents would be the Joker’s best episode? Not me. But, The Laughing Fish is indeed my favorite Joker episode (where the focus is on his plots). After making nets full of fish in Gotham harbor carry his signature smile, the Joker tries to patent the Joker fish. After being denied, old Jack Napier takes revenge on everyone who stopped his original plan in a demented, funny, and tightly written plot. Hell, there is a scene where the Joker dresses up like the Gorton fisherman. This episode is a blast.

15. Growing Pains

Well, I feel depressed after watching this one. Growing Pains is one of the most heart-wrenching episodes of the animated series. Not only is it painful for the viewer, but even moreso for Tim Drake’s Robin. I feel like this is the best utilization of his character. After not listening to Batman’s advice, Robin gets more wrapped into helping a young girl who is seemingly running away from her abusive father. This plot brings back Drake’s relationship with his own father and his empathy for others he sometimes lacks in other episodes. Oh, and the twist is brilliant and connects the later episodes to the original series satisfyingly. 

14. Double Talk

Ah, the best redemption episode of the series. Not only is Double Talk my second favorite episode in the later seasons, but it is one of my favorite dramatic episodes of the entire series. The Ventriloquist could have easily been a joke of a villain, but he has several stellar episodes in this series. Out of all them, Double Talk is definitely the best. The audience is cheering for Wesker to get over his issues, and his battle to overcome them is suspenseful and well written. The ending is poetic as can be, and I love it. Give this overlooked episode a watch and you will not regret it.

13. Feat of Clay

The downfall of Matt Hagan is one of the most depressing storylines of the entire series. The allegory for drug addiction with Matt’s reliance on Renuyu and the awful things he would do for just a little bit of it is a true tragedy. The allegory went over my head in my younger years, but watching now after seeing several people I have known my entire life struggle with addiction, the episode has a heavier hit. The two-parter’s first half ends possibly on the most horrific scene of the series. Anyone who has seen this knows what I am talking about. While the second half is not quite as strong as the first, Feat of Clay is a top flight Batman episode. 

12. Robin’s Reckoning

Speaking of depressing two-parters, Robin’s Reckoning is the closest thing to a tear-jerker in the series. The scene where Dick leaves the circus left the production staff silent for several minutes supposedly because of how emotional it was. While Robin’s Reckoning is one of the many Robin origin stories in existence, it is definitely one of the best ones. The raw emotion makes RR one of the best episodes of the series. Robin’s decision at the end of the second episode is tense. Maybe that is why it won a Daytime Emmy.

11. Harlequinade

Have I stated on this list before that I really like Harley Quinn and her episodes? I guess I have. Out of all of them, this is my... second favorite. Tough decision. It is painful making this one miss the top ten. Especially after Harley’s rendition of Say We’re Sweethearts Again. And Batman facepalming on a table. Literally. The plot revolves around the seemingly serious sounding plot of the Joker stealing an ATOMIC BOMB and threatening Gotham. Batman teams up with Harley Quinn in exchange for her immunity to bring down Mistah J. What results is one of the best and funniest episodes of the series. Just watch Harley’s karaoke moment of the episode if you do not believe me. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vp6wLXj4-5A)

The Masterpiece Tier

The title should  say enough for these episodes of BTAS. While Batman of the 90′s has so many stellar episodes, these are the best of the best and incredibly difficult to rank. I tried my best though.

10. Almost Got’im

When this episode ranks as low as ten... woah. AGI is the best episode with mulitple villains collaborating in one episode. While they are not coming up with an evil plot in this episode (well, mostly...), the group discusses the closest each of them got to killing Batman. Each tale is fun and the other villains’ commentary on the other stories is even better. The interaction between Two-Face and Poison Ivy is particularly good. The final line of the episode is also wonderfully poetic. Almost got the that top spot...

9. Mad Love

Of all the top notch Harley Quinn/Joker episodes in this series, Mad Love takes the cake as the best one. Based off the graphic novel of the same name, Mad Love possesses all of the extreme emotions and dark realism as its source material... besides some of the racier stuff. Still though, Mad Love does not hold back. The relationship between our two leads is completely one-sided and abusive making this episode work as the perfect allegory for all too common abusive relationships in the real world. Just because the main focus is on the clowns this episode, does not mean Batman is not excellent this episode. Because he is. Also, the Joker says, “May the floss be with you” at one point...

8. I Am the Night

Possibly the most emotional episode in the series, I Am the Night takes the animated series to its darkest depths. While laying flowers on the site of his parents death site, Batman misses a police sting where Commissioner Gordon ends up shot and critically injured in the hospital. Batman, feeling useless and underappreciated, vows to stop being Batman because of his failure. Every supporting character is utilized perfectly in this episode to stretch Bruce’s mental health in very different directions. Bullock and Robin represent the most extreme opposites. The ending is super satisfying and can teach everyone a lesson if they are feeling underappreciated.

7. Heart of Ice

Before Joel Schumacher and the Governator took a steaming pile of crap on Mr. Freeze’s new origin, Batman the Animated Series revamped the character with this well-known masterpiece. Seriously, this one won an Emmy too. Before the 1990′s, Mr. Freeze was a lame, generic ice villain, kind of like how Firefly is a lameass fire villain in this show. Heart of Ice is shockingly dark, soaked with emotion, and cold-hearted to the core. Mr. Freeze’s voice is soooooo perfect in this series too. Not much else to say that has not been said.

6. The Man Who Killed Batman

The premise to this episode is so simple that it is unbelievable that it is so good. A small time crook nicknamed Sid the Squid, while awkwardly stumbling on a rooftop, appears to kill Batman. After this moment, Sid becomes an idol to all the criminals in the city. Unfortunately, this is not all good news for the squid. What follows is some top notch comedy when everyone in the city might want to fight him now. Even the Joker makes an appearance. That appearance I personally believe is the best for the Joker in the entire series. Don’t believe me? Watch this scene. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ld0uIhst3TA) It is possibly my favorite of the entire show. All in all, watch this episode for something great from beginning to the end.

5. Beware the Gray Ghost

Alternating from the top comedy of the prior episode, The Gray Ghost is one of the more depressing episodes of the series. Without spoiling as much as I can, it is also one of the more uplifting that gives me chills almost every time I view it. A type-cast actor who used to play a superhero on a tv show is struggling financially, with his career, and overall emotionally. His state gets involved with Batman when the episode’s villain’s plot collides with a plot from an old episode of the Gray Ghost. At first bitter and not wanting to help, Batman soons teams up with his hero to take down the villain and it is almost perfect. Who plays the Gray Ghost by the way? Adam West. Whoever came up with that idea deserves a medal. Also, Bruce Timm plays the villain in this masterpiece, which is pretty badass.

4.  The Demon’s Quest

The second best two-parter of the series, The Demon’s Quest combines the best of Batman with arguably the best iteration of Ra’as Al Ghul as well. The whole episode feels like an Indiana Jones film, which is not a bad fit honestly. The first part does a nice job establishing Ra’as and Batman’s relationship, and the second half does a stellar job of completing the plot with major style. Talia and Robin also make major appearances in this episode and both really work. Once again, watch this rare world domination episode of Batman for something very different, but very good.

3. If You’re So Smart, Why Aren’t You Rich?

Now, here is my sleeper episode in the top five. I see this episode on people’s list every once and a while but rarely this high. Is this a Riddler (my favorite villain) bias? Maybe a little bit, but I personally think this is one of the strongest episodes due to several factors. One, this iteration of the Riddler is terrific. John Glover is perfectly cast as the genius and knocks it out of the park. His plan involving revenge, video games, supposed mental superiority, and of course riddles is well written. Robin makes one of his best appearances in this episode as a good foil to Batman’s riddle solving methods, and having superior video game skills predictably. However, the most stalwart aspect of this episode is the ending. It’s chilling and perfectly poetic at the same time. Way to go, Nygma.

2. Trial

Remember when I mentioned Almost Got’im as the best villain teamup episode? I lied. Flat out. Trial combines all of the best aspects of almost all of Batman’s reoccurring rogues gallery and all of them are at the top of their game here. Batman is captured and put on trial in Arkham, and the new DA, who hates Batman and thinks he belongs there as well, has to defend the Dark Knight. Joker plays the judge, Two-Face the prosecutor, and several other villains take the stand as witnesses. Guess what? It’s an absolute blast to watch. The episode has good comedy, top notch dialogue, and a terrific ending note. Trial is guilty of nothing but being one of the best episodes in the series.

1. Two-Face

Not the most original choice, but Two-Face was my clear cut favorite episode of Batman the Animated Series from the moment I considered composing a list. As I stated before, Two-Face is the best villain in the animated series overall. This episode really aided in making that true. So did Pretty Poison’s establishment of Harvey Dent. Seeing Harvey’s downfall from beloved District Attorney, fiance, and best friend to Bruce is painful, tragic, and as well written as humanly possibly. I feel like the first half is slightly better than the second, but both are masterpieces and work perfectly together despite a time gap which all other two part episodes lack. So, all in all, Two-Face is what I believe to be the most masterful episode in a series full of masterpieces.

Thanks for checking out my list. I had a fun, but strenuous time making it and hope you check out my future lists too!

[smokeybrandreviews]

Go Woke Go Broke

I am a fan of great stories. I adore brilliant, unique, art. I adore when both are integral to a creation be it film, comic, book, short story, light novel, fan fiction; Whatever. I find the ability to build worlds in almost any capacity, incredible. I’m also an older Millennial; Part of the tweener, X/Y, Oregon Trail generation. Born in the 80s, raised in the 90s, and came of age in the early 00s.We played until the street lights caught us, my first game system was an NES, and all my Saturday morning cartoons were sans Disney, toy commercials. I got an honorable mention once at a science fair and my parents were unimpressed so Participation Trophies were a joke to me and i learned how to deal with bullies by dealing with bullies. I had to worry about gangs shooting up my school, not that lone, weird kid in a trench coat. I’m all about representation but i understand that if you want people to look like you on film, you’d better find a way to make that film in white ass Hollywood. Basically, i have sense whereas most Millennials born after 89, do not. I need to make that distinction because we are about to get into some sh*t.

The merit and value of representation or visibility in mainstream media is dependent on the quality of said portrayal in the cultural zeitgeist. I’m a giant black dude who lives in America so representation for me basically begins and ends with a thug persona. As a black person in general, watching actors who look like me get passed over in roles that are uplifting and enriching to the culture like Hurricane or Ali for very specific, very demeaning, very marginalization, stereotypes, is disgusting. Black people, however excellent they are, never win for anything other than the magical Negro, uplifting slave, or non-threatening service person. Hidden Figures is an amazing tale of the trio of black women who saved NASA during the height of the space race. It was nominated for three Oscars and won none. Mahershala Ali did win an Oscar for best supporting actor portraying Juan, a drug dealer. Another movie he was in won several Oscars as well, Green Book. Ali plays Dr. Don Shirley characterized by the magical negro trope. I can go on and on. Denzel Washington got his second Oscar for Training day playing a corrupt ass cop when he turned in a much better, far more emotional performance, in Hurricane the year before. His first? Glory, where he played a former slave. A few years later? Snubbed for Philadelphia. Washington played, deftly i might add, a lawyer named Joe Milller who had to reconcile his own prejudices bout what it meant to have AIDS. Dude wasn’t even nominated. Tom Hanks won, though. See that pattern?

I don’t like Steven Universe. I don’t think it’s a very good show but because it has a massive fanbase among the LBGTQ community, it’s bullet proof from criticism. Nah, i’m about to go in. I adore Rebecca Sugar and i commend her creativity. My favorite episodes of Adventure Time are often attribute to her in some way, wither s0rt direction story boarding, or song writing. Marceline wouldn’t be Marcy with Sugar and i’ll always love her for that. That said, Steven Universe is melodramatic trash that uses pandering as a crutch. I don’t have a problem with the gays or whatever getting their visibility, but there are ways to do it without coming across as plagiarized drivel. Euphoria immediately comes to mind. Universe wears it’s anime inspirations on it’s sleeve. Sugar is a massive fan of Sailor Moon and you see, just, SO much of that in this show. Entire scenes and plot points are directly lifted from Usagi’s epic adventure but, because of the nostalgia goggles, cats are blinded to the straight-up theft. I’m not. That lack of originality is hindrance to the message. I mean, not really, i guess, because people love this show but it’s hard for me to acknowledge anything genuine about it because i know it is all a fraud. Hell, Land of the Lustrous, a manga by the name of Hoseki no Kuni, bares more than a striking similarity to Universe and came out a full year before Steven first bared his belly gem! Guess what Lustrous is? A manga! Guess who loves anime and manga? Sugar! Guess who has built a career on Sailor Moon images and Fan art? Sugar! Hell, Lustrous does a better job of LBGTQ representation by accident. Seriously, check that sh*t out. It’s an excellent narrative that doesn’t pander to the SJW crowd. It just tells it’s story about gem girls and space monsters. Sh*t is dope.

Where i feel the most sting, however, is in the US comic industry. All of this PC wokeness is in direct contrast to creative storytelling, for the most part. Marvel is hilariously guilty of this sh*t. I was on board when they decided to turn carol Danvers into Captain Marvel, effectively retiring her leotard costume and pretending kike it never happened. Fine. I liked that design but i get how impractical is was. The homage to Mar-Vell in her current duds is cool, too. I was one of the few that waited before running to judgment as Bendis race-bent Spider-Man into Miles Morales and then gender bent Iron Man into Riri Williams. Riri is a sh*t character in her own right but the outrage was more about her gender and race which made the criticism seem neckbeard nerd rage. Even then, i stuck around. Hell, when that Mockingbird run dropped and was literally a feminist manifesto, i let it ride because it was cleverly written and, foe the most part, i am kind of a feminist. More Equalist but there are feminist undertones in there. More recently, however, we got this New Warriors book and this is where i have to draw the line. Snowflake and Safe pace? Token non-binary hero? Marvel used to be at the forefront of this sh*t. They had gay superheroes in the 70s. They got married in the 80s. They addressed AIDS in the 90s and muslim bigotry in the 00s. Marvel was always crazy social conscious. That was one of their story telling staples and they delivered those messages with a light but firm touch.

F*ck, dude, the X-Men are an allegory for black people and the Civil Rights movement! Magneto and Professor X are literally caricatures of Malcom X and Dr. King.  mainstream comic, broaching the subject of discrimination, camouflaged in the vibrant arto f superhuman clashes, sold to white kids across America, during the f*cking 60s? Are you serious? That sh*t changes minds. That sh*t starts a conversation. That sh*t is status quo changing! Snowflake and Safespace? F*cking really? This is your social discourse now? Disrespectful parody of a marginalizing slur and already absurd concept derived by weenies? This isn’t even satire, it’s outright disrespect. I think safespaces are detrimental to proper, healthy, discourse or that the notion of those who stand up to offense are snowflakes who “need to get a sense of humor”, but for real? The fact that cats just tacked on the one is non-binary just outright exposes the true intent. This sh*t is pandering, straight up. It’s non representation It’s not progress. It’s disrespectful Woke point grabbing. It’s superficial lip-service being played to those that feel like their label isn’t getting enough media scrutiny. I think all of these new genders or whatever are stupid but i’m an old person. Some kid might identify with being non-binary or whatever and THIS sh8t is what they have to look forward to seeing. You can’t be serious.

Now, the whole reason i’m writing this, the entire reason i was even thing king about this subject, is because of Late Night with Lily Singh. Singh is a comedy Youtuber who has crossed over into the mainstream. I, personally, don’t find her funny, but i understand how important her success is in the world. Singh is, if you haven’t deduced by her name, a Desi woman. She’s a Canadian of Punjabi descent and she’s making moves. Ma is one of the most popular channels on the platform and, indeed, i first came across her through another cat i follow. Even though i personally do not enjoy her content, the breadth of what she has accomplished does not elude me. Singh is a powerhouse and should be recognized as such. However, her actual, on-air, late night talk show is f*cking dog sh*t. Singh is not geared for that. Like, at all. Her jokes are bad, her monologues are delivered with a clumsy anxiousness that belies the energetic skit-maker from her Youtube channel, and she is the worst interviewer on television! Her guests are often visibly bewildered. Watching James Corden interview someone is off-putting, dude does his best impression of graham Norton, but Seeing Singh just assault her guests with mediocrity is textbook cringe. Why the f*ck was she put into this very public position, thrown to the wolves, doomed to fail?

Her show is bad, man, but when you say so, the PC Police come out to beat your sh*t in. Singh is Indian, female, and bisexually; The three biggest spaces on the Marginalized bingo board. Being brown, or queer, or prone to vaginas gets you them woke points whenever you create anything but to have all three at once? Boy, you bulletproof! Saying anything remotely resembling criticism gets you cancelled on the grounds of sexism, homophobia or just plain classic racism, all the while, her show i literal sh*t! Singh, herself, is often racist and sexist throughout her “comedy” skits! I’m not one to subscribe to white people being discriminated against. A a black dude with a firm grasp of history, i personally believe white people should just take it when a minority goes after them because they never have a problem taking from everyone else. Goose/gander, you know what i’m saying? That said, there’s an art, a nuance, to that racial observation. Singh does not deliver her content with that deft touch. She’s built a career on malicious caricatures of the whites and the penises, which would be fine if there was a message in her satire, but there’s not. It’s base and uninspired.

You can build a career on that type of content. Dave Chappelle’s entire career is that type of content and he’s one of the greatest comedians to ever comedy. The difference between his material and Singh’s is that Chappelle says something. Chappelle hits you in the gut and forces you to look within. His sh*t is actually profound. Lily Singh is not. She’s skews closer to that trainwreck, Nicole Arbour, than she does Eddie Murphy. She’s more Amy Schumer than Wanda Sykes and that sh*t is on full display with her terrible, terrible, talk show. I read somewhere that it might be getting cancelled soon and my first thought was, “It’s not cancelled now?” If i am aware that Singh’s content is pedestrian, surely the studio knew it was. I mean, the ratings of her show are abysmal. She even found her way into a race controversy as a female, lesbian, Desi on TV! Then it dawned on me; This wasn’t true representation This was NBC casing Woke points. They never believed in this show, rather, wanted to use Singh as a sounding board. She’s a trophy for a network trying to court that meek, 90s baby, everyone-is-special, “Muh anxiety”, crowd. It didn’t work and Singh’s show is getting shelved, as it should, but it’s f*cked up that this is what representation at the corporate level looks like. This sh*t is tokenism, plain and simple

Representation is great. I want all of us to be seen. People around the world judge our various cultures based on what our entertainment contributes to the cultural zeitgeist of the world. Mot blacks aren’t gang-bangers, rappers, or dug dealers. Most Muslims aren’t terrorists. hell, most Muslims aren’t even of middle eastern descent! Islam is the largest religion in the world. You’re more likely to meat an south Asian with a Koran than an Iranian with a suicide belt. Gays aren’t going to turn you, Women don’t have vagina dentata, and the handicapped are more resilient than you think. Don’t pander. Don’t token. This game of playing for Woke points in the media and arts needs to stop. All of this faux outrage by mostly rich, white, people on behalf of the people their privilege marginalizes, needs to stop. Patting yourself on the back because you’re book has a Sudanese, paraplegic, lesbian, lead is not being progressive, it’s masturbatory at best. Approach your project with a sense of levity, common sense, and, more than anything, respect. Is what you deem “representation” a good look for whatever class you’re trying to champion? Or is it just a means to stroke your ego and push your politics? Are you Brad Pitt or are you Kathleen Kennedy? Is what you want to show us going to do more bad than good?

At the end of the day, create what you ant to create, just be conscious of how you create. Evaluate your message. Make sure it’ something that needs to be said. Something that, when said, can’t be ignored. Make the message profound and the representation enriching. Make that sh*t count because doing so in an effort to appear the Wokest, just trivializes everything you are attempting to do.

[smokeybrand]

Go Woke Go Broke

I am a fan of great stories. I adore brilliant, unique, art. I adore when both are integral to a creation be it film, comic, book, short story, light novel, fan fiction; Whatever. I find the ability to build worlds in almost any capacity, incredible. I’m also an older Millennial; Part of the tweener, X/Y, Oregon Trail generation. Born in the 80s, raised in the 90s, and came of age in the early 00s.We played until the street lights caught us, my first game system was an NES, and all my Saturday morning cartoons were sans Disney, toy commercials. I got an honorable mention once at a science fair and my parents were unimpressed so Participation Trophies were a joke to me and i learned how to deal with bullies by dealing with bullies. I had to worry about gangs shooting up my school, not that lone, weird kid in a trench coat. I’m all about representation but i understand that if you want people to look like you on film, you’d better find a way to make that film in white ass Hollywood. Basically, i have sense whereas most Millennials born after 89, do not. I need to make that distinction because we are about to get into some sh*t.

The merit and value of representation or visibility in mainstream media is dependent on the quality of said portrayal in the cultural zeitgeist. I’m a giant black dude who lives in America so representation for me basically begins and ends with a thug persona. As a black person in general, watching actors who look like me get passed over in roles that are uplifting and enriching to the culture like Hurricane or Ali for very specific, very demeaning, very marginalization, stereotypes, is disgusting. Black people, however excellent they are, never win for anything other than the magical Negro, uplifting slave, or non-threatening service person. Hidden Figures is an amazing tale of the trio of black women who saved NASA during the height of the space race. It was nominated for three Oscars and won none. Mahershala Ali did win an Oscar for best supporting actor portraying Juan, a drug dealer. Another movie he was in won several Oscars as well, Green Book. Ali plays Dr. Don Shirley characterized by the magical negro trope. I can go on and on. Denzel Washington got his second Oscar for Training day playing a corrupt ass cop when he turned in a much better, far more emotional performance, in Hurricane the year before. His first? Glory, where he played a former slave. A few years later? Snubbed for Philadelphia. Washington played, deftly i might add, a lawyer named Joe Milller who had to reconcile his own prejudices bout what it meant to have AIDS. Dude wasn’t even nominated. Tom Hanks won, though. See that pattern?

I don’t like Steven Universe. I don’t think it’s a very good show but because it has a massive fanbase among the LBGTQ community, it’s bullet proof from criticism. Nah, i’m about to go in. I adore Rebecca Sugar and i commend her creativity. My favorite episodes of Adventure Time are often attribute to her in some way, wither s0rt direction story boarding, or song writing. Marceline wouldn’t be Marcy with Sugar and i’ll always love her for that. That said, Steven Universe is melodramatic trash that uses pandering as a crutch. I don’t have a problem with the gays or whatever getting their visibility, but there are ways to do it without coming across as plagiarized drivel. Euphoria immediately comes to mind. Universe wears it’s anime inspirations on it’s sleeve. Sugar is a massive fan of Sailor Moon and you see, just, SO much of that in this show. Entire scenes and plot points are directly lifted from Usagi’s epic adventure but, because of the nostalgia goggles, cats are blinded to the straight-up theft. I’m not. That lack of originality is hindrance to the message. I mean, not really, i guess, because people love this show but it’s hard for me to acknowledge anything genuine about it because i know it is all a fraud. Hell, Land of the Lustrous, a manga by the name of Hoseki no Kuni, bares more than a striking similarity to Universe and came out a full year before Steven first bared his belly gem! Guess what Lustrous is? A manga! Guess who loves anime and manga? Sugar! Guess who has built a career on Sailor Moon images and Fan art? Sugar! Hell, Lustrous does a better job of LBGTQ representation by accident. Seriously, check that sh*t out. It’s an excellent narrative that doesn’t pander to the SJW crowd. It just tells it’s story about gem girls and space monsters. Sh*t is dope.

Where i feel the most sting, however, is in the US comic industry. All of this PC wokeness is in direct contrast to creative storytelling, for the most part. Marvel is hilariously guilty of this sh*t. I was on board when they decided to turn carol Danvers into Captain Marvel, effectively retiring her leotard costume and pretending kike it never happened. Fine. I liked that design but i get how impractical is was. The homage to Mar-Vell in her current duds is cool, too. I was one of the few that waited before running to judgment as Bendis race-bent Spider-Man into Miles Morales and then gender bent Iron Man into Riri Williams. Riri is a sh*t character in her own right but the outrage was more about her gender and race which made the criticism seem neckbeard nerd rage. Even then, i stuck around. Hell, when that Mockingbird run dropped and was literally a feminist manifesto, i let it ride because it was cleverly written and, foe the most part, i am kind of a feminist. More Equalist but there are feminist undertones in there. More recently, however, we got this New Warriors book and this is where i have to draw the line. Snowflake and Safe pace? Token non-binary hero? Marvel used to be at the forefront of this sh*t. They had gay superheroes in the 70s. They got married in the 80s. They addressed AIDS in the 90s and muslim bigotry in the 00s. Marvel was always crazy social conscious. That was one of their story telling staples and they delivered those messages with a light but firm touch.

F*ck, dude, the X-Men are an allegory for black people and the Civil Rights movement! Magneto and Professor X are literally caricatures of Malcom X and Dr. King.  mainstream comic, broaching the subject of discrimination, camouflaged in the vibrant arto f superhuman clashes, sold to white kids across America, during the f*cking 60s? Are you serious? That sh*t changes minds. That sh*t starts a conversation. That sh*t is status quo changing! Snowflake and Safespace? F*cking really? This is your social discourse now? Disrespectful parody of a marginalizing slur and already absurd concept derived by weenies? This isn’t even satire, it’s outright disrespect. I think safespaces are detrimental to proper, healthy, discourse or that the notion of those who stand up to offense are snowflakes who “need to get a sense of humor”, but for real? The fact that cats just tacked on the one is non-binary just outright exposes the true intent. This sh*t is pandering, straight up. It’s non representation It’s not progress. It’s disrespectful Woke point grabbing. It’s superficial lip-service being played to those that feel like their label isn’t getting enough media scrutiny. I think all of these new genders or whatever are stupid but i’m an old person. Some kid might identify with being non-binary or whatever and THIS sh8t is what they have to look forward to seeing. You can’t be serious.

Now, the whole reason i’m writing this, the entire reason i was even thing king about this subject, is because of Late Night with Lily Singh. Singh is a comedy Youtuber who has crossed over into the mainstream. I, personally, don’t find her funny, but i understand how important her success is in the world. Singh is, if you haven’t deduced by her name, a Desi woman. She’s a Canadian of Punjabi descent and she’s making moves. Ma is one of the most popular channels on the platform and, indeed, i first came across her through another cat i follow. Even though i personally do not enjoy her content, the breadth of what she has accomplished does not elude me. Singh is a powerhouse and should be recognized as such. However, her actual, on-air, late night talk show is f*cking dog sh*t. Singh is not geared for that. Like, at all. Her jokes are bad, her monologues are delivered with a clumsy anxiousness that belies the energetic skit-maker from her Youtube channel, and she is the worst interviewer on television! Her guests are often visibly bewildered. Watching James Corden interview someone is off-putting, dude does his best impression of graham Norton, but Seeing Singh just assault her guests with mediocrity is textbook cringe. Why the f*ck was she put into this very public position, thrown to the wolves, doomed to fail?

Her show is bad, man, but when you say so, the PC Police come out to beat your sh*t in. Singh is Indian, female, and bisexually; The three biggest spaces on the Marginalized bingo board. Being brown, or queer, or prone to vaginas gets you them woke points whenever you create anything but to have all three at once? Boy, you bulletproof! Saying anything remotely resembling criticism gets you cancelled on the grounds of sexism, homophobia or just plain classic racism, all the while, her show i literal sh*t! Singh, herself, is often racist and sexist throughout her “comedy” skits! I’m not one to subscribe to white people being discriminated against. A a black dude with a firm grasp of history, i personally believe white people should just take it when a minority goes after them because they never have a problem taking from everyone else. Goose/gander, you know what i’m saying? That said, there’s an art, a nuance, to that racial observation. Singh does not deliver her content with that deft touch. She’s built a career on malicious caricatures of the whites and the penises, which would be fine if there was a message in her satire, but there’s not. It’s base and uninspired.

You can build a career on that type of content. Dave Chappelle’s entire career is that type of content and he’s one of the greatest comedians to ever comedy. The difference between his material and Singh’s is that Chappelle says something. Chappelle hits you in the gut and forces you to look within. His sh*t is actually profound. Lily Singh is not. She’s skews closer to that trainwreck, Nicole Arbour, than she does Eddie Murphy. She’s more Amy Schumer than Wanda Sykes and that sh*t is on full display with her terrible, terrible, talk show. I read somewhere that it might be getting cancelled soon and my first thought was, “It’s not cancelled now?” If i am aware that Singh’s content is pedestrian, surely the studio knew it was. I mean, the ratings of her show are abysmal. She even found her way into a race controversy as a female, lesbian, Desi on TV! Then it dawned on me; This wasn’t true representation This was NBC casing Woke points. They never believed in this show, rather, wanted to use Singh as a sounding board. She’s a trophy for a network trying to court that meek, 90s baby, everyone-is-special, “Muh anxiety”, crowd. It didn’t work and Singh’s show is getting shelved, as it should, but it’s f*cked up that this is what representation at the corporate level looks like. This sh*t is tokenism, plain and simple

Representation is great. I want all of us to be seen. People around the world judge our various cultures based on what our entertainment contributes to the cultural zeitgeist of the world. Mot blacks aren’t gang-bangers, rappers, or dug dealers. Most Muslims aren’t terrorists. hell, most Muslims aren’t even of middle eastern descent! Islam is the largest religion in the world. You’re more likely to meat an south Asian with a Koran than an Iranian with a suicide belt. Gays aren’t going to turn you, Women don’t have vagina dentata, and the handicapped are more resilient than you think. Don’t pander. Don’t token. This game of playing for Woke points in the media and arts needs to stop. All of this faux outrage by mostly rich, white, people on behalf of the people their privilege marginalizes, needs to stop. Patting yourself on the back because you’re book has a Sudanese, paraplegic, lesbian, lead is not being progressive, it’s masturbatory at best. Approach your project with a sense of levity, common sense, and, more than anything, respect. Is what you deem “representation” a good look for whatever class you’re trying to champion? Or is it just a means to stroke your ego and push your politics? Are you Brad Pitt or are you Kathleen Kennedy? Is what you want to show us going to do more bad than good?

At the end of the day, create what you ant to create, just be conscious of how you create. Evaluate your message. Make sure it’ something that needs to be said. Something that, when said, can’t be ignored. Make the message profound and the representation enriching. Make that sh*t count because doing so in an effort to appear the Wokest, just trivializes everything you are attempting to do.

[60stvshows-blog]

60s TV Shows

He moved to Hollywood in 1946 at a friend's suggestion. Her gift for being able to do dialects (Scottish, Irish, Spanish, Italian, German and Russian - to name a few) got her hired straight away and she soon became one of the regular members of the radio series Hollywood Hotel. For more details on the best 60s TV shows see our resources section below.

While the series animated in large networks seemed mediocre, the cable television cartoon achieved several successes. It was while she was attending Los Angeles City College she was persuaded to audition for a role on a radio show. Before the TV show, there was a Gunsmoke radio show than aired from April 26, 1952 through June 18, 1961, co-existing with the Gunsmoke TV show for six seasons! Gunsmoke remains available on television and other media formats in the United States and worldwide. In the United States the frontier is open ended and usually means West.Other cultures have sometimes different understanding of frontiers.

60s TV Shows

For me, they are among the best Western TV themes, but I know I have omitted some other good ones. I know you were probably taught like me, not to stare at people, not to eavesdrop because it’s rude, not to judge people without knowing them, but that doesn’t stop us, does it? I like L'Amour. Many films have been made of his stories. The Museum continues to receive great ratings on the popular travel web sites, so someone else out there still appreciates Western art like I do. Gunsmoke was the first TV Western that appealed to adult viewers, depicting life as it might have been in a frontier town. Have a blessed night. One of his cowboys is always studying around the campfire at night reading Blackburn or other law books bartered for or bought. My one desire for Halloween, as yet unfulfilled, is to go out with friends dressed as Stormtroopers.

Go out as Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem! I just couldn’t concentrate on what the preacher was trying to say because from the back there were so many people to watch and notice instead of hearing the message. After all, there were, what, eight channels for 150 million people in those days? Abraham Lincoln had quite an impact in Springfield -- he worked as an attorney there, served as an elected official in the Old State Capital, and is buried there. Refresh your memory of the old TV shows that were popular in the 50's and 60's. Listen to the music that was popular during those years. No. That's an old concept/pass. There was a Western movie serial called The Black Whip. My dad has always been fond of the "Western" because many of them show a clear division between the good guys and the bad guys. The main characters were highly motivated, and tried their best to protect their community from some really bad guys.

This is my favorite, firstly because it's the earliest one I remember from the times I watched it with my father and secondly because it's the best. The first one was terrible. While there had been other westerns before such as "The Lone Ranger" and "Annie Oakley", Gunsmoke was the first one oriented towards Adult audiences. First Lady, "Lady Bird Johnson", was such a huge fan of the program that, when she learned that James Arness was a Republican, she felt personally betrayed! Starring James Arness, Milburn Stone, Amanda Blake, Dennis Weaver, Ken Curtis, Burt Reynolds, Buck Taylor, Glenn Strange, Roger Ewing and many other regular stars and guest stars. Ten years later their police began regular patrols. The museum began as a non-profit in 1960 with the help of Barry Goldwater and H K Machennan. The Museum has a website with information on current exhibits, upcoming exhibits, volunteering, special events and membership. Alongside mainstream animation nineties there was a strange and experimental movement.

In a short animation festival in 1989, organized by Craig Decker and Mike Gribble Spike (known as "Spike & Mike") and originally located in San Diego. I don’t remember him even kissing anyone during the series. I was not exaggerating about men and women kissing on the lips on camera for fear of the censor cutting scenes. Brian De Palma also borrowed from it in his movie "Body Double." De Palma borrowed quite a bit from Hitchcock. Updated on October 21, 2017 Denise McGill moreAs a Baby-Boomer, Denise and millions of others are becoming senior citizens. He chooses to fight because he knows that if he runs the bad guys will simply hunt him down anyway. The movies tend to present the townspeople as wimps and cowards, such as in high noon, where Gary Cooper had to face the bad guys alone because none of the townspeople would support him.

The series currently features the central characters of the USS Enterprise as well as several recurring characters. The U.S.S. Enterprise from 1967 (the Original) has always fascinated audiences and fans alike! Other fans have undergone various treatments to look exactly like Elvis Presley or Johnny Cash at various stages of their careers. Just to provide some perspective, let's take a look at what it would take to get one of the higher end rare weapons that you will need at the end of the game. You need to work hard to keep your ring intact. But for the aliens to reach Earth, dozens or hundreds of light years away, they would need quite sophisticated spacecraft. Experience the Star Trek universe like never before in STAR TREK TIMELINES, a truly immersive mobile game featuring hundreds of characters, stunning 3D ship battles, and an immense galaxy to explore. Trek number 3 was the last newspaper style format of the magazine, the new format began with the next issue number 4 and it featured a full color cover of a harder stock and high-quality paper and printing.

On purchase of your ticket you will receive an email that will contain your ticket in PDF format. Does it make sense to purchase medical evacuation insurance? It was puzzling to gauge why Krall was scouring the Enterprise looking for this magical device. Its fun watching Star Trek's classic episode of "the Cage" today with the camera sweeping across the "Enterprise" bridge officers on duty. You can acquire new bridge officers either from a personnel requisition officer or through completing missions. More and more of you will end up picking through the same generic artwork and similar cookie cutter designs, all while never finding better artwork. Read more why girls will strap this guitar on and not want to take it off! You know you want to. Geordi LaForge : 'The laws of physics just went right out the window. Check out Disposal Rule Adopting Launch, supra notice 15, at component II.B.

Now its time to install the blu-ray. Most of the time you have to interact with an anomaly or a star system, and often there is no combat involved but rather a lot of scanning and environmental interaction. I accepted that, however, there is still a way to manipulate time and transfer information in the form of blank to gain control and establish order and the best reality possible for the United States Of America. Desert or Mountain weddings such as Valley of Fire, Red Rock Canyon or Mount Charleston are possible with little effort on your part. No premiere date has yet been set for the second season of “Star Trek: Discovery.” But the new season is beginning to come into focus as casting and story details are revealed. Star Trek: Discovery’s second season is inching closer to its start of filming. Charlie X is a first season classic Star Trek episode written by Gene Roddenberry and DC Fontana. Here is another Shatner cult classic from The Transformed Man. I introduced this concept here at Star Trek Sci Fi Blog eleven years ago and then wowsers on the 60s tv shows!

What could be more Trek than a landing party encountering a race of peacenik energy beings on a planet that emits its own electromagnetic ‘music? As the Name Brand of "Star Trek" Progressed from the 1960's, the popularity of Star Trek also continued to grow. Publisher: IBArena The Star Wars legacy brings forth brilliant ideas for a Halloween party theme. Either way your friends list needs to be targeted to your market. While this feature appears often in single player RPGs, it is a rare inclusion in a MMORPG and has been a cornerstone for the game's ever growing success in a tough market. With the tough trekking done, the second night’s camp had a much more lively spirit. Chords are combinations of two or more notes. All rooms are spacious, airy inside and are exceptionally good, it's worth remembering. When Tribbles are near, Klingon's have plenty to fear which proved true.

There was a time when there was not any woman with their own talk show. But it did because TV only needed one prime time cartoon and The Flintstones came first. I wondered what his story was and how it all came about. She wasn't the most powerful witch and sometimes her spells came out all wrong. Take this quiz to find out if you’re a true child of the Sixties! As with many 60s TV series' the viewer is just expected to take the show's premise at face value. However, the R rating was introduced in the late 60s so it was clear that subject matter would become a bit more adult-oriented as the decade waned. The majority of today’s rising videographers tend to be more familiar with non-linear video editing. Using the switcher, cuts are easily done in varied video sources and in wipes, dissolves, and fades. This is the question that more and more thinking people are asking as it becomes more and more apparent. To this day, with the exception of maybe the Simpsons, it is one of the most well known cartoons and one of the few that went from cartoon to the silver screen using real people.

These characters are real and their interaction almost comic - it has kept viewers glued to the goggle box every afternoon. The show takes place in the year 2517 and follows the characters as they encounter and wrangle a whole new frontier- a new star system. You could easily do a Part 2 and more on this topic to capture more clueless characters! At the end of 1939, Sinatra accepted an offer from the more popular big band leader Tommy Dorsey. But the worst is "Potsie" from Happy Days, who went from cunning and clever to early altzheimer's by series end. Cox, of course, would go on to star in the mega hit series Friends. Due to presenting the changed behavior of cops, The Mod Squad became a big hit and one of the few cop shows with a big audience of youngsters. Due to the hiatus, Damages has fallen off the radar, but this show absolutely deserves a "best of TV shows" nod. The following list charts the best shows that are currently trending right now on Netflix Australia. Shows are made up connected with several specific graphics termed supports. Gail Leino takes a wise practice way of preparing and organizing events, celebrations and vacation parties with unique a few ideas for sixties party items and fun sixties topic celebration games.

Artificial material have been really widely-used throughout the Sixties. No, but i've done some things that may have seemes weird to someone in the mid-1960s. I am certain Judy Carne might have worn a romper like this one on the iconic 60's TV show, "Laugh In". People like talk show topics that the whole family can watch, and that entertains us. Which ones did you like best? What this means is that the actual set can be a lot thinner than a CRT receiver and that is very attractive for people as the old ones were very bulky and took up a lot of room. She can twist very well. Each episode of In Treatment features therapist Dr. Paul Weston (actor Gabriel Byrne) having a session with one of five patients. The show remained popular during its initial run of five seasons and 123 episodes. The show went up against Dallas and fared horribly in the ratings, it was then scheduled against Beauty and the Beast and did even worse in the ratings, if that was possible. Sinatra acted in a television special in November 1965, A Man and His Music, and released a corresponding double vinyl album, which reached the Top Ten chart and also went gold.

Television New version in 1976 only. The soap opera will be a perennial television favorite - we will always need to wash our hands, will we not? The cab converted into a helicopter when the need arose. The fascination with the dysfunctional family dynamics, the ornate settings of the Southfork Ranch and the glamour that surrounds the three sons - JR,Bobby and Gary - all contribute to this programs ready viewership. The show aired 143 episodes all of them in black and white. Fashionwise, the black leather catsuits became instead a set of colourful Emmapeelers. Set in the midwestern town of Salem, Days of Our Lives revolves around the Horton and Brady families - and the ongoing tussle will always be a crowd teaser. Sham-Ir gives Jeannie two weeks to find a new master, or return to Mesopotamia forever. I researched the Internet for costume, hair, and magic bottle reference photos to assist me in painting Jeannie.

The Saturday night show starred Groucho Marx, his cigar, George Fenneman, and the Duck with the Magic Word. PuffnStuff show. I thought Witchie-Poo downright mean. You mean the 1995 mini-series with Scott Bakula? Perfect for layering over bell bottom jeans. And those lessons stayed with us over the years, molding us into good citizens who care about community and country and, most importantly, each other. In 10 years - who knows. Macnee’s character appeared in all but two episodes, accompanied by a string of beautiful women who were his sidekicks. Since there was no internet, everything was stacked in warehouses. Which of these cartoons was not on TV during the 1960s? I absolutely loved to hate Dr Zachary Smith in Lost in Space. It is a gothic style house. I loved the 60's/70's and really miss them. Their records sold through the roof. She was signed by the Wilburn Brothers to their Sure Fire Publishing as they were highly impressed with her song writing skills.

Top Tv Shows of the 60s

In the 1st STAR TREK film, Gene Roddenberry finally had the cost to create every one of the footage he wanted of ENTERPRISE just a slave to, looking real purty, and also by gum he was gonna put it to use all. I personally don't mind watching all those minutes, 22 or 187 or whatever it had been, but many folks think that's excessive. If your main readers say something needs to be changed or added or deleted, tune in to them.

The villains with the movie really stick out though it is like they fight to fill an opening the Joker forgotten. Alone, none in the villains really supply the type of memorable performance Heath ledger surely could display at nighttime Knight, however each villain does a great job of testing Batman/Bruce Wayne and pushing him to the limits. Tom Hardy as (Bane) is definitely an absolute force of nature, towering, intimidating, and intelligent, he plays the entire package and certainly the most physical challenge that Batman has faced yet. Anne Hathaway in the role of Selena Kyle a.k.a. Catwoman presents a totally different undertake the type, she actually is much more of a modern-day grifter then this cat like super villain we all grow up watching. Gary Oldman returns as Commissioner Gordon, he really nails his performance when on-screen, it is possible to really feel the inner turmoil that lying towards the people of Gotham is responsible for him, and just how hard it really is to praise the man that almost killed his son. Joseph Gordon-Levitt (John Blake) comes through once again which has a great performance, you sense him because the moral compass with the movie, one character with no mask really wanting to do a little good.

The graphics were created to mimic the actual feel of the comic book. Despite the coming of numerous versions, the launch from the Batman version for PlayStation 3 this year developed a revolution in the gaming world. The title was Batman: Arkham Asylum and was rated as the best among each of the Batman Games created up to now. With advancements in technology and widespread use with the Internet, it's got greater prospects inside future. Its evolution from 2-dimensional graphics for the latest 3-dimensional graphics depicts its growth and demand among Batman fans.

Storylines emerge outer space actually give you a fantastical and fascinating place for a plot to unfold, especially since it refers to women. In addition to the romantic storylines that inevitably come up, living in a limited space such as a space ship and managing the unpredictable natures of intergalactic enemies brings out multiple elements of a character's personality. This gives writers the opportunity to develop interesting, dynamic female roles which go beyond slapstick humor or trivialities.

There is much fascinating science that may be found in the Star Trek series and many movies. Sure, some of it is simply not possible, but mostly things that will make for a boring storyline should they weren't possible. The real catch and the reason the series has stood the exam of your time is that it is essentially a representation products we may be in some centuries like those 60s tv shows.

Resources:

The 12 Best TV Shows of the 1960s – Blaze DVDs

1960's TV Shows - Best of 60's TV - Popular Series 1960-1969

60s TV Shows Top Rated - Strikingly.com