#but on a surface level it's such a slay

[natjennie]

she's actually so iconic for this. I can't get over it.

[17magpiesinatrenchcoat]

ALL THE SLAY THE PRINCESS ANALYSIS-ISH POSTS IVE FOUND ON HERE SO FAR

As someone who can never really grasp meanings in media beyond surface level, analyses like these are always lovely to read. Here are all the ones I’ve gathered during my short time in the fanbase so far, this is mainly for myself, but maybe it would be useful to someone else!! Also. If anyone knows of any more, please please send them to me!! I will add more as I go too.

I don’t think these all count as analyses, but they all made me go “oooh :0” so yeah

https://www.tumblr.com/momentomori24/735278091386126336/i-just-had-an-epiphany-about-the-cold-that-i-never

https://www.tumblr.com/lipstickchainsaw/735000176332259328/the-pristine-blade

https://www.tumblr.com/electronicdelusionstarlight/735270452740734976/id-like-to-point-out-that-in-the-wild-if-you

https://www.tumblr.com/dapperrokyuu/735178155760992257/alright-now-that-ive-seen-the-end-slay-the

https://www.tumblr.com/momentomori24/735068416032047104/something-i-really-love-about-the-smitten-is-how

https://www.tumblr.com/geebeeskoos/735078530884534272/the-nightmare-the-moment-of-clarity-might-be-the

https://www.tumblr.com/electronicdelusionstarlight/734951196420358144/id-like-to-point-out-that-while-the-tower-and-the

https://www.tumblr.com/bpdwwx/734705488874422272/insane-over-slay-the-princess-imagine-death

https://www.tumblr.com/satellite-slickers/734633384872132608/slay-the-princess-is-really-cool-because-learning

https://www.tumblr.com/satellite-slickers/734573430353117184/i-just-realized-that-even-though-our-protagonist

https://www.tumblr.com/satellite-slickers/734558408577073153/i-like-how-the-twist-in-slay-the-princess-isnt

https://www.tumblr.com/golvio/734492024048369664/it-was-a-bit-of-whiplash-going-from-the-damsel-to

https://www.tumblr.com/three-lesbians-of-the-apocalypse/734467272705490944/theres-something-so-chilling-about-asking-the

https://www.tumblr.com/in-fair-verona-we-set-our-scene/734463751524319232/the-more-i-think-about-it-the-more-not-exactly

https://www.tumblr.com/honeyfizzly/734464645923045376/i-think-the-horror-of-deconstructed-damsel-comes

https://www.tumblr.com/colorful-noircuts/733183847545683968/rambling-about-something-i-realised-in-slay-the hello my lovely mutual!!

https://www.tumblr.com/k20spock/734344272686481408/i-feel-like-i-havent-seen-as-much-discussion-of

https://www.tumblr.com/nerdlordofnerds/734384189011607552/man-dont-you-hate-it-when-you-try-to-rid-the-world

https://www.tumblr.com/lipstickchainsaw/735338029994115072/oh-for-the-stp-questions-what-do-you-think-of

https://www.tumblr.com/honeyfizzly/735336172257198080/i-really-adore-the-witch-wild-route-because

https://www.tumblr.com/supervillainies/735028943239921664/ive-mentioned-it-before-but-voice-of-the-cold

https://www.tumblr.com/lots-of-little-pink-clouds/734249738756620288/follow-up-thought-tsm-says-when-you-meet-he-gave

https://www.tumblr.com/angelofthemornings/734527183265185792/one-thing-i-like-about-slay-the-princess-is-that?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/metanarrates/734373760026705920/if-you-choose-to-chain-yourself-next-to-the?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/satellite-slickers/734216961853095936/durring-slay-the-princess-our-leads-have-the-only?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/golvio/734035911415857152/tried-the-damsel-route-today-this-shot-and-the?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/electronicdelusionstarlight/733870455536173056/say-what-you-want-about-the-smitten-but-the-man?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/electronicdelusionstarlight/733801315338190848/the-way-the-skeptic-implicitly-trusts-the?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/electronicdelusionstarlight/733269659334426624/the-way-the-shifting-mound-ends-every-ending-by

https://www.tumblr.com/electronicdelusionstarlight/733333027972907008/the-way-the-princess-has-no-name-but-at-the-same

https://www.tumblr.com/justsalpals/733475592170848256/the-spectre-really-had-no-idea-what-she-was-doing

https://www.tumblr.com/electronicdelusionstarlight/733630301609295872/the-way-you-can-only-kill-the-princess-with-the

https://www.tumblr.com/lipstickchainsaw/735453678374469632/also-what-do-you-think-of-the-adversary-i-like

https://www.tumblr.com/lipstickchainsaw/735448991864635392/oh-oh-another-question-what-do-you-think-is-up

https://www.tumblr.com/lipstickchainsaw/735538031989293056/oh-what-do-you-think-of-the-spectre-and-prisoner

https://www.tumblr.com/lipstickchainsaw/735509320346812416/what-do-you-think-of-nightmare-and-spectre

https://www.tumblr.com/minotaur-asterion/735506279592787968/might-be-a-weird-question-but-what-do-you-think this one isn’t an analysis at all but I thought it was funny

https://www.tumblr.com/birdmitosis/735586819735961601/this-honestly-really-fascinates-me-because-it

https://www.tumblr.com/lipstickchainsaw/735614693262196736/ohhhh-and-what-about-the-narrator

https://www.tumblr.com/elieclowngamer/735849806204960768/okay-but-like-spoilers-for-slay-the-princess

https://www.tumblr.com/lipstickchainsaw/735902648917721088/what-do-you-think-about-the-beast-in-stp

https://www.tumblr.com/lipstickchainsaw/736242037895168000/what-do-you-think-about-the-fury-and-the

https://www.tumblr.com/k20spock/736789844699807744/birds-and-trees-in-slay-the-princess

https://www.tumblr.com/lipstickchainsaw/735509712935829504/what-do-you-think-of-nightmare-and-spectre

https://www.tumblr.com/lipstickchainsaw/736243685245730816/what-do-you-think-about-the-fury-and-the

https://www.tumblr.com/fierce-little-miana/736431035990016000/strange-beginnings-ending

https://www.tumblr.com/chi-the-idiot/736610535159873536/ok-but-we-need-to-adress-how-slay-the-princess

[politicalprocrastinator]

I love the fact that Ruby's family are Jamaican. In an era where the British government loves demonising the windrush generation seeing a positive depiction of a British Jamaican family on a mainstream show is super uplifting

[ersatz-colubridae-888]

waiting for ur stp analysis like a hungry wolf

SMILESSS REALLY BIG AT YOU!!! geheeheheee i want to make a sort of collection of all my thoughts on the game with my experience as a system, how it succeeds as horror in so many different ways, the way i view existence in general, how this game has affected it and the extremely unique way the Narrator affects the game's world and ideas of existence in his reweaving of these abstract concepts. as well as the Just as you were once nothing ending because i don't see nearly ANYBODY talking about it (probably because less than 10% of people have lol...) these are all really different things though so i'm not sure if i should split them up or make it all into one post... well what do you think! since you're like my only(?) mutual that's played it :3

[bloomfish]

I'm so mean to miss kaur but I do legitimately think she's simply a marketing genius. I don't (don't want to) think she's genuinely trying to write meaningful poetry I think she's in it to scam impressionable teen girls on instagram

[curiositykilledtheradiostar]

Experienced a big Irony Moment today when I got my grade back for the short story I had written about the tragedy of children being forced to grow up too soon by their elder's incompetence, and the teacher said I wrote well about themes of "discovering passion" and gave me a 98

[youreaclownnow]

Banana fish was good but damn that shit hurted. Would recommend to anyone who loves bl that causes pain or just likes very pretty anime👍

[astrow1zar6]

Big Slay Placements to have in your chart

Jupiter in the 10th house: big boss placement, these people are usually so hardworking and ambitious at whatever job they do & have the ability to climb the financial ladder very quickly. Gives good luck in finding a career & making money. A lot of big business bosses & CEOs have this placement.

Jupiter in Leo: oh you’re the main character, this is such a lucky placement to find in your chart. Grants amazing level of confidence and charisma that can get you very far in life. Usually have good luck in dating as well & can be very good with children. This person will be very generous & big hearted, usually the party starts when they walk in. Very loud & unashamed of themselves. If afflicted however it can be big narcissists & have a hard time saving money. But overall these people are pretty lucky.

Venusian moon/degrees (Taurus + Libra, 2,14,19,26 degrees) gives a very pleasant personality and a charming mannerism. Bestows beauty on the native as well. I’ve never met anyone with these placements/degrees that are unattractive I swear. These people also have an easier time finding their soulmate than most. Can have very satisfying relationships that are usually long term. Their partners are also usually pretty attractive as well. These are truly bad bitches!

Venus in the 5th house: can charm the pants out if anyone. Even if they aren’t that attractive they can get anyone in their bed I swear. Although I notice their relationships can be rather short lived it’s usually not long till they have another admirer waiting to date them. They love to flirt.. and are usually very good at it. They see flirting & seduction as a game & have a lot of fun with it. It usually makes the native very physically attractive & have very beautiful children as well. U ever see those families where all of them just look so perfect?? 9/10 one of the parents got Venus in the 5th house. However they can struggle with addiction easily whether it be sex, gambling, dating ect.. so be careful you can get very overindulgent!

Venus/asc or in 1st house: a classic bad bitch astro placement. These people are just super pretty. They get noticed for their beauty and lot and usually have a lot of admirers. These people are easy to get along with and are agreeable (they hate arguments and confrontation). They can get popular easily on social media for how they look. Have a very ideal feminine body type (usually hourglass figures with a big 🍑). They can be love addicts as well just like Venus in the 5th house people. Tend to be interested in dating and had crushes at a very young age. They also attract pretty partners and friends as well (they do not fuck with ugliness😭). They can come off as pretty vain and superficial but it’s hard to fully hate these people even if they are a lil surface level. Also very blessed career and financial wise most of the time. (Their appearance helps them get jobs they aren’t normally qualified for) super blessed imo.

Venus conjunct Jupiter: idk why but I think of Santa Claus when I see this placement, just super generous & have big love for others. This placement also screams POPULAR. Your social life is always booming and really busy. People are just really drawn to you and you have amazing social skills. U attract all different people from all walks of life. Anything Jupiter touches it expands so when it touches Venus everything associated with Venus is multiplied in your life meaning you can attract nice things easily, attract a lot of wealth, partners, friends ect. They can have a very exotic look or be attracted to others with exotic looks (people from different cultures/ethnicities). They also can be very spiritual and have strong beliefs and a good amount of faith which gives them confidence and optimism. Beware of overindulgence and laziness because they can become pretty lazy if they don’t challenge themselves.

Sun in the first house: they are usually very flashy personalities (even the introverts). Every one I met with this placement had a big star quality about them like you can tell they have the skills to be very well known. They have a great amount of confidence & and lot of people I see with this dress soooo nice & are really good at taking pictures on social media. They love attention which is why a lot of celebrities have this in their chart they attract others to them like a magnet. This magnetism however attracts a lot of jealousy from others, you can have a lot of haters as well as admirers (it’s cuz you’re popping💋). These people can get too lost in the spotlight and become really egotistical & arrogant if they don’t watch themselves which can cause a lot of chaos in their life. But overall these people usually have a big fan base (even if they aren’t famous). Very good placement for the sun.

Neptune in the 1st house: they all look like they came out of a vintage Hollywood magazine. They are so naturally glamorous and glossy looking. They can have features that look very ethereal or out of this world like in a mystical way. When I think of this placement I think of lady Amalthea from the last unicorn. Many models and celebrities have this in their chart. They tend to take perfect selfies as well. These people actually can benefit from plastic surgery (not instigating it at all) but they can make themselves look even more unreal if they get it. (Ex; Kylie Jenner lips). These people can be big trendsetters too and can notice a lot of people try to copy them (it’ll never be the same effect however) they look so naturally cool and glamorous it’s hard not to copy. Most have very creative original styles that people admire so much. These people however can fall into addiction & mental health problems if they don’t take care of themselves… they have very fragile mental states due to their extreme sensitivity so it’s important for them to take care of themselves instead of using escapist tendencies. But overall these people are real life mermaids/fairies🥺

If you guys want a part two I will be willing to make more of these☺️ cuz I have a list of placements I find super cool to have. Lmk in the comments 💋

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Predicting the present

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/12/09/radicalized/#deny-defend-depose

Back in 2018, around the time I emailed my immigration lawyer about applying for US citizenship, I started work on a short story called "Radicalized," which eventually became the title story of a collection that came out in 2019:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250228598/radicalized/

"Radicalized" is a story about America, and about guns, and about health care, and about violence. I live in Burbank, which is ranks second in gun-stores-per-capita in the USA, a dubious honor that represents a kind of regulatory arbitrage with our neighboring goliath, the City of Los Angeles, where gun store licensing is extremely tight. If you're an Angeleno in search of a firearm, you're almost certainly coming to Burbank to buy it.

Walking, cycling and driving past more gun stores than I'd ever seen in my Canadian life got me thinking about Americans and guns, a subject that many Canadians have passed comment upon. Americans kill each other, and especially themselves, at rates that baffle everyone else in the world, and they do it with guns. When we moved here, my UK born-and-raised daughter came home from her first elementary school lockdown drill perplexed and worried. Knowing what I did about US gun violence, I understood that while school shootings and other spree killings happened with dismal and terrifying regularity, they only accounted for a small percentage of the gun deaths here. If you die with a bullet in you, the chances are that the finger on the trigger was your own. The next most likely suspect is someone you know. After that, a cop. Getting shot by a stranger out of uniform is something of a rarity here – albeit a spectacular one that captures our imaginations in ways that deliberate or accidental self-slayings and related-party shootings do not.

So I told her, "Look, you can basically ignore everything they tell you during those lockdown drills, because they almost certainly have nothing to do with your future. But if a friend ever says to you, 'Hey, wanna see my dad's gun?' I want you to turn around and leave and get in touch with me right away, that instant."

Guns turn the murderous impulse – which, let's be honest, we've all felt at some time or another – into a murderous act. Same goes for suicide, which explains the high levels of non-accidental self-shootings in the USA: when you've got a gun, the distance between suicidal ideation and your death is the ten feet from the sofa to the gun in the closet.

Americans get angry at people and then, if they have a gun to hand, sometimes they shoot them. In a thread /r/Burbank about how people at our local cinemas are rude and use their phones in which someone posted, "Well, you should just ask them to stop." The reply: "That's a great way to get shot." No one chimed in to say, "Don't be ridiculous, no one would shoot you for asking them to put away their phone during a movie." Same goes for "road rage."

And while Americans shoot people they've only just gotten angry at, they also sometimes plan shooting sprees and kill a bunch of people because they're just generically angry. Being angry about the state of the world is a completely relatable emotion, of course, but the targets of these shootings are arbitrary. Sure sometimes these killings have clear, bigoted targets – mass shootings at Black supermarkets or mosques or synagogues or gay bars – more often the people who get sprayed with bullets (at country and western concerts or elementary schools or movie theaters) are almost certainly not the people the gunman (almost always a man) is angry at.

This line of thought kept surfacing as I went through the immigration process, but not just when I was dealing with immigration paperwork. I was also spending an incredible amount of time dealing with our health insurer, Cigna, who kept refusing treatments my pain doctor – one of the most-cited pain researchers in the country – thought I would benefit from. I've had chronic pain since I was a teenager, and it's only ever gotten worse. I've had decades of pain care in Canada and the UK, and while the treatments never worked for very long, it was never compounded by the kinds of bureaucratic stuff I went through with my US insurer.

The multi-hour phone calls with Cigna that went nowhere would often have me seeing red – literally, a red tinge closing in around my vision – and usually my hands would be shaking by the time I got off the call.

And I had it easy! I wasn't terminally ill, and I certainly wasn't calling in on behalf of a child or a spouse or parent who was seriously ill or dying, whose care was being denied by their insurer. Bernie's 2016 Medicare For All campaign promise had filled the air with statistics (Americans pay more for care and get worse outcomes than anyone else in the rich world), and stories. So many stories – stories that just tore your heart out, about parents who literally had to watch their children die because the insurance they paid for refused to treat their kids. As a dad, I literally couldn't imagine how I'd cope in that situation. Just thinking about it filled me with rage.

One day, as I was swimming in the community pool across the street – a critical part of my pain management strategy – I was struck with a thought: "Why don't these people murder health insurance executives?" Not that I wanted them to. I don't want anyone to kill anyone. But why do American men who murder their wives and the people who cut them off in traffic and random classrooms full of children leave the health insurance industry alone? This is an industry that is practically designed to fill the people who interact with it with uncontrollable rage. I mean, if you're watching your wife or your kid die before your eyes because some millionaire CEO decided to aim for a $10 billion stock buyback this year instead of his customary $9 billion target, wouldn't you feel that kind of murderous rage?

Around this time, my parents came out for a visit from Canada. It was a great trip, until one night, my mom woke me up after midnight: "We have to take your father to the ER. He's really sick." He was: shaking, nauseated, feverish. We raced down the street to the local hospital, part of a gigantic chain that has swallowed nearly all the doctors' practices, labs and hospitals within an hour's drive of here.

Dad had kidney stones, and they'd gone septic. When the ER docs removed the stones, all the septic gunk in his kidneys was flushed into his bloodstream, and he crashed. If he hadn't been in an ER recovery room at the time, he would have died. As it was, he was in a coma for three days and it was touch and go. My brother flew down from Toronto, not sure if this was his last chance to see our dad alive. The nurses and doctors took great care of my dad, though, and three days later, he emerged from his coma, and today, he's better than ever.

But on day two, when we thought he was probably at the end of his life, as my mother sat at his side, holding the hand of her husband of fifty years, someone from the hospital billing department came to her side and said, "Mrs Doctorow, I know this is a difficult time, but I'd like to discuss the matter of your husband's bill with you."

The bill was $176,000. Thankfully, the travel medical insurance plan offered by the Ontario Teachers' Union pension covered it all (I don't suppose anyone gets very angry with them).

How do people tolerate this? Again, not in the sense of "people should commit violent acts in the face of these provocations," but rather, "How is it that in a country filled with both assault rifles and unimaginable acts of murderous cruelty committed by fantastically wealthy corporations, people don't leap from their murderous impulses to their murderous weapons to commit murderous acts?

For me, writing fiction is an accretive process. I can tell that a story is brewing when thoughts start rattling around in my mind, resurfacing at odd times. I think of them as stray atoms, seeking molecules with available docking sites to glom onto. I process all my emotions – but especially my negative ones – through this process, by writing stories and novels. I could tell that something was cooking, but it was missing an ingredient.

Then I found it: an interview with the woman who coined the term "incel." It was on the Reply All podcast, and Alana, a queer Canadian woman explained that she had struggled all her life to find romantic and sexual partnership, and jokingly started referring to herself as "involuntarily celibate," and then, as an "incel":

https://gimletmedia.com/shows/reply-all/76h59o

Alana started a message board where other "incels" could offer each other support, and it was remarkably successful. The incels on Alana's message board helped each other work through the problems that stood between them and love, and when they did, they drifted away from the board to pursue a happier life.

That was the problem, Alana explained. If you're in a support group for people with a drinking problem, the group elders, the ones who've been around forever, are the people who've figured it out and gotten sober. When life seems impossible, those elders step in to tell you, I know it's terrible right now, but it'll get better. I was where you are and I got through it. You will, too. I'm here for you. We all are.

But on Alana's incel board, the old timers were the people who couldn't figure it out. They were the ones for whom mutual support and advice didn't help them figure out what they needed to do in order to find the love they sought. The longer the message board ran, the more it became dominated by people who were convinced that it was hopeless, that love was impossible for the likes of them. When newbies posted in rage and despair, these Great Old Ones were there to feed it: You're right. It will never get better. It only gets worse. There is no hope.

That was the missing piece. My short story Radicalized was born. It's a story about men on a message board called Fuck Cancer Right In the Fucking Face (FCKRFF, or "Fuckriff"), who are watching the people they love the most in the world be murdered by their insurance companies, who egg each other on to spectacular acts of mass violence against health insurance company employees, hospital billing offices, and other targets of their rage. As of today, anyone can read this story for free, courtesy of my publishers at Macmillan, who gave permission for the good folks at The American Prospect to post it:

https://prospect.org/culture/books/2024-12-09-radicalized-cory-doctorow-story-health-care/

I often hear from people about this story, even before an unknown (at the time of writing) man assassinated Brian Thompson, CEO of Unitedhealthcare, the murderous health insurance monopoly that is the largest medical insurer in the USA. Since then, hundreds of people have gotten in touch with me to ask me how I feel about this turn of events, how it feels to have "predicted" this.

I've been thinking about it for a few days now, and I gotta tell you, I have complicated feelings.

You've doubtless seen the outpourings of sarcastic graveyard humor about Thompson's murder. People hate Unitedhealthcare, for good reason, because he personally decided – or approved – countless policies that killed people by cheating them until they died.

Nurses and doctors hate Thompson and United. United kills people, for money. During the most acute phase of the pandemic, the company charged the US government $11,000 for each $8 covid test:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/06/137300-pct-markup/#137300-pct-markup

UHC leads the nation in claims denials, with a denial rate of 32% (!!). If you want to understand how the US can spend 20% of its GDP and get the worst health outcomes in the world, just connect the dots between those two facts: the largest health insurer in human history charges the government a 183,300% markup on covid tests and also denies a third of its claims.

UHC is a vertically integrated, murdering health profiteer. They bought Optum, the largest pharmacy benefit manager ("A spreadsheet with political power" -Matt Stoller) in the country. Then they starved Optum of IT investment in order to give more money to their shareholders. Then Optum was hacked by ransomware gang and no one could get their prescriptions for weeks. This killed people:

https://www.economicliberties.us/press-release/malicious-threat-actor-accesses-unitedhealth-groups-monopolistic-data-exchange-harming-patients-and-pharmacists/#

The irony is, Optum is terrible even when it's not hacked. The purpose of Optum is to make you pay more for pharmaceuticals. If that's more than you can afford, you die. Optum – that is, UHC – kills people:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/09/23/shield-of-boringness/#some-men-rob-you-with-a-fountain-pen

Optum isn't the only murderous UHC division. Take Navihealth, an algorithm that United uses to kick people out of their hospital beds even if they're so frail, sick or injured they can't stand or walk. Doctors and nurses routinely watch their gravely ill patients get thrown out of their hospitals. Many die. UHC kills them, for money:

https://prospect.org/health/2024-08-16-steward-bankruptcy-physicians-private-equity/

The patients murdered by Navihealth are on Medicare Advantage. Medicare is the public health care system the USA extends to old people. Medicare Advantage is a privatized system you can swap your Medicare coverage for, and UHC leads the country in Medicare Advantage, blitzing seniors with deceptive ads that trick them into signing up for UHC Medicare Advantage. Seniors who do this lose access to their doctors and specialists, have to pay hundreds or thousands of dollars for their medication, and get hit with $400 surprise bills to use the "free" ambulance service:

https://prospect.org/health/2024-12-05-manhattan-medicare-murder-mystery/

No wonder the public spends 22% more subsidizing Medicare Advantage than they spend on the care for seniors who stick with actual Medicare:

https://theconversation.com/taxpayers-spend-22-more-per-patient-to-support-medicare-advantage-the-private-alternative-to-medicare-that-promised-to-cost-less-241997

It's not just the elderly, it's also the addicted and mentally ill. UHC illegally denies coverage for mental health and substance abuse treatment. Imagine watching a family member spiral out of control, ODing, or ending up on the streets with hallucinations, and knowing that the health insurance company that takes thousands of dollars out of your paycheck refused to treat them:

https://www.startribune.com/unitedhealthcare-will-pay-15-7m-in-settlement-of-denial-of-care-charges/600087607

Unsurprising, the internal culture at UHC is callous beyond belief. How could it not be? How could you go to work at UHC and know you were killing people and not dehumanize those victims? A lawsuit by chronically ill patient whom UHC had denied care for surfaced recorded phone calls in which UHC employees laughed long and hard about the denied claims, dismissing the patient's desperate, tearful pleas as "tantrums" :

https://www.propublica.org/article/unitedhealth-healthcare-insurance-denial-ulcerative-colitis

Those UHC workers are just trying to get by, of course, and the callouses they develop so they can bear to go to work were ripped off by last week's murder. UHC's executive team knows this, and has gone on a rampage to stop employees from leaking their own horror stories, or even mentioning that the internal company announcement of Thompson's death was seen by 16,000 employees, of whom only 28 left a comment:

https://www.kenklippenstein.com/p/unitedhealthcare-tells-employees

Doctors and nurses hate UHC on behalf of their patients, but it's also personal. UHC screws doctor's practices by refusing to pay them, making them chase payments for months or even years, and then it offers them a payday lending service that helps them keep the lights on while they wait to get paid:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frr4wuvAB6U

Is it any surprise that Reddit's nursing forums are full of nurses making grim, satisfied jokes about the assassination of the $10m/year CEO who ran the $400b/year corporation that does all this?

https://www.thedailybeast.com/leading-medical-subreddit-deletes-thread-on-unitedhealthcare-ceos-murder-after-users-slam-his-record/

We're not supposed to experience – much less express – schadenfreude when someone is murdered in the street, no matter who they are. We're meant to express horror at the idea of political violence, even when that violence only claims a single life, a fraction of the body count UCH produced under Thompson's direction. As Malcolm Harris put it, "'Every life is precious' stuff about a healthcare CEO whose company is noted for denying coverage is pretty silly":

https://twitter.com/BigMeanInternet/status/1864471932386623753

As Woody Guthrie wrote, "Some will rob you with a six-gun/And some with a fountain pen." The weapon is lethal when it's a pistol and when it's an insurance company. The insurance company merely serves as an accountability sink, a layer of indirection that lets a murder happen without any person being the technical murderer:

https://profilebooks.com/work/the-unaccountability-machine/

I don't want people to kill insurance executives, and I don't want insurance executives to kill people. But I am unsurprised that this happened. Indeed, I'm surprised that it took so long. It should not be controversial to note that if you run an institution that makes people furious, they will eventually become furious with you. This is the entire pitch of Thomas Piketty's Capital in the 21st Century: that wealth concentration leads to corruption, which is destabilizing, and in the long run it's cheaper to run a fair society than it is to pay for the guards you'll need to keep the guillotines off your lawn:

https://memex.craphound.com/2014/06/24/thomas-pikettys-capital-in-the-21st-century/

But we've spent the past 40 years running in the other direction, maximizing monopolies, inequality and corruption, and gaslighting the public when they insist that this is monstrous and unfair. Back in 2022, when UHC was buying Change Healthcare – the dominant payment network for hospitals, which would allow UHC to surveil all its competitors' payments – the DOJ sued to block the merger. The Trump-appointed judge in the case, Carl Nichols – who owned tens of thousands of dollars in UHC bonds – ruled against the DOJ, saying that it would all be fine thanks to United's "culture of trust and integrity":

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/the-antitrust-shooting-war-has-started

We don't know much about Thompson's killer yet, but he's already becoming a folk hero, with lookalike contests in NYC:

https://twitter.com/CollinRugg/status/1865472577478553976

And gigantic graffiti murals praising him and reproducing the words he wrote on the shell casings of the bullets he used to kill Thompson, "delay, deny, depose":

https://www.tumblr.com/radicalgraff/769193188403675136/killin-fuckin-ceos-freight-graff-in-the-bay

I get why this is distasteful. Thompson is said to have been a "family man" who loved his kids, and I have no reason to disbelieve this. I can only imagine that his wife and kids are shattered by this. Every living person is the apex of a massive project involving dozens, hundreds of people who personally worked to raise, nurture and love them. I wrote about this in my novel Walkaway, as the characters consider whether to execute a mercenary sent to kill them, whom they have taken hostage:

She had parents. People who loved her. Every human was a hyper-dense node of intense emotional and material investment. Speaking meant someone had spent thousands of hours cooing to you. Those lean muscles, the ringing tone of command — their inputs were from all over the world, carefully administered. The merc was more than a person: like a spaceship launch, her existence implied thousands of skilled people, generations of experts, wars, treaties, scholarship and supply-chain management. Every one of them was all that.

But so often, the formula for "folk hero" is "killing + time." The person who terrorizes the people who terrorize you is your hero, and eventually we sanitize the deaths, and just remember them as fighters for justice. If you doubt it, consider the legend of Robin Hood:

https://twitter.com/mcmansionhell/status/1865554985842352501

The health industry is trying to put a lid on this, palpably afraid that – as in my story "Radicalized" – this one murderer will become a folk hero who inspires others to acts of spectacular violence. They're insisting that it's unseemly to gloat about Thompson's death. They're right, but this is an obvious loser strategy. The health industry is full of people whose deaths would be deplorable, but not unsurprising. As Clarence Darrow had it:

I’ve never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure.

Murder is never the answer. Murder is not a healthy response to corruption. But it is healthy for people to fear that if they kill people for greed, they will be unsafe. On December 5 – the day after Thompson's killing – the health insurer Anthem announced that it would not pay for anesthesia for medical procedures that ran long. The next day, they retracted the policy, citing "outrage":

https://www.cnn.com/2024/12/05/health/anthem-blue-cross-blue-shield-anesthesia-claim-limits/index.html

Sure, maybe it was their fear of reputation damage that got them to decide to reverse this inhumane, disgusting, murderous policy. But maybe it was also someone in the C-suite thinking about what share of the profits from this policy would have to be spent on additional bodyguards for every Anthem exec if it went into effect, and decided that it was a money-loser after all.

Think about hospital exec Ralph de la Torre, who cheerfully testified to Congress that he'd killed patients in pursuit of profit. De la Torre clearly doesn't fear any kind of consequences for his actions. He owns hospitals that are filled with tens of thousands of bats (he stiffed the exterminators), where none of the elevators work (he stiffed the repair techs), where there's no medicine or blood (he stiffed the suppliers) and where the doctors and nurses can't make rent (he stiffed them too). De La Torre doesn't just own hospitals – he also owns a pair of superyachts:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/28/5000-bats/#charnel-house

It is a miracle that so many people have lost their mothers, sons, wives and husbands so Ralph de la Torre could buy himself another superyacht, and that those people live in a country where you can buy an assault rifle, and that Ralph de la Torre isn't forced to live in a bunker and travel in a tank.

It's a rather beautiful sort of miracle, to be honest. I like to think that it comes from a widespread belief by the people of this country I have since become a citizen of, that we should solve our problems politically, rather than with bullets.

But the assassination of Brian Thompson is a wake-up call, a warning that if we don't solve this problem politically, we may not have a choice about whether it's solved with violence. As a character in "Radicalized" says, "They say violence never solves anything, but to quote The Onion: that's only true so long as you ignore all of human history":

https://prospect.org/culture/books/2024-12-09-radicalized-cory-doctorow-story-health-care/

[quickdeaths]

20. what are your muse’s feelings towards the culture of romance and sexuality as it pertains to their identity? (Tsubasa and Shinobu)

Tsubasa aspires to live their life according to that one post that's like "Am I a boy? Am I a girl? Who knows! But everyone finds me hot, and that makes everyone gay" and beyond that, they don't really think about it. For the most part, they don't let things like stereotypes or other people's opinion of culture stick to them. They're secure in who they are, so being hit on by a straight guy who mistakes them for a woman, or a girl balking at their interest, doesn't really affect or bother. They're generous towards people who make mistakes, and if those mistakes are repeated? Wow you must be dumb to keep getting it wrong over and over, sucks to suck!

In some sense, Tsubasa does fit in with some stereotypes - as far as lesbians go, they slot in pretty easily with the stereotype of the person with a more masculine aesthetic who is interested in people with a more feminine aesthetic, who is flirty and forward in a particular way, who takes a more leading position both romantically and sexually, etc. But even then, Tsubasa doesn't put too much stock in it - they're liable to say something like, "Yeah, that is some kind of pattern, huh? Things just work out like that, but it's not really any preference, it's just how things turn out sometimes." They're easygoing and relaxed, and they're not married to any particular role or style, and despite having a "type," they're pretty willing to go outside it if someone catches their eye or their interest.

On a personal level, they might give off a teensy bit of "player" energy, because they are very casually flirty and don't mind hooking up, and that might lead into some stereotypes that they're a bit less fond of. Truthfully, they'd like a chill, sweet relationship (or relationships - of all the muses, they'd be the most willing to consider some kind of non-monogamy if a partner was interested), though. In general, though? The cyber angel lives a vibes-based existence that prioritizes banishing personal stress and negativity whenever possible. Basically, they don't think of themselves, or their identity, as relating to any "culture of romance or sexuality", because they, Cyber Tsubasa, are entirely unique.

Meanwhile Shinobu is in ultimate super prison mega hell. The "culture of romance and sexuality" is just her life and it sucks. She's tall, athletic, "handsome," dresses in fine menswear, has an emotionally-closed-off personality, speaks in a very formal, genderless style, and is seemingly very romantically available. They have the aura of a closed-off otome game character, either the kind that will degrade and belittle you, or the kind that just needs the right person's soft words and gentle touch to completely crack open and reveal something warm and kind inside, all of which has given rise to the "Cold Prince Shinobu-kun" understanding of them as a person. That Shinobu is a woman who isn't especially glad to be spoken about in such a way is basically unknown or unimportant in the eyes of her admirers.

These admirers largely aren't the sort of people Shinobu is interested in. For the most part, they're straight women who have concocted some fantasy in their head, casting themselves as romantic leads in some video game, tv show, or manga, and have decided on Shinobu as their princely love interest. Most of them barely know Shinobu personally, because their interest is less in Shinobu Yaguchi the person and more the persona of this cold-hearted prince archetype character that they've projected onto her. In addition, because they're perceived by these girls fundamentally as a masculine archetype rather than a person, they're subjected to some behavior that isn't appropriate towards anyone, but is sometimes mistaken as 'this is acceptable to do to a man.'

The final detriment to this little fanclub is that it isolates her from other queer people, both physically (given that the honor guard closes in and pushes out people who don't belong there), and emotionally (because Shinobu feels such disdain towards her hangers-on, she takes that to mean that has no interest in or compatibility for any romance at all). Still, they're pretty permissive about the admirers, accepting their confessions and going on dates that they seldom enjoy, and generally being ground down by the experience - secretly interested in some kind of long-term relationship, but pretty bitter about the experience of looking for it.

[mihai-florescu]

I know you guys dont read with your eyes closed but just to clarify, he never built a relationship with her to manipulate, exploit, abuse, or get anything out of it, he's always been professional and looked over her as his junior in the same industry. Her admiration and crush on him is not reciprocated nor is it a result of grooming. Sometimes kids and teens just get crushes on people they look up to without those people having planted these feelings with an agenda

No way i saw someone on tiktok say akiomi groomed arashi💀💀💀

[reddpenn]

Your whole rock collection is a slay. Show me some funky pieces you haven't been asked about yet!!!!

Here’s a rock I’ve been dying to talk about! This little guy is orthoclase feldspar! You might be familiar with the feldspar family, as it contains gemstones such as sunstone, moonstone, labradorite, and amazonite. What’s really, really interesting about this piece of feldspar is its shape. This cool formation is called a Carlsbad Twin. Let me tell you about it!

Feldspar crystals often form as flat-topped, six-sided prisms which are strongly skewed sideways. Here’s an example of another feldspar in my collection, amazonite, which shows off this crystal habit really clearly!

The two crystals in my piece of orthoclase are making that common feldspar shape! But you’ve probably also noticed how they appear to be mirror images of each other, and also growing through each other.

That’s Carlsbad twinning!! It’s a type of penetration twinning, which means the crystals appear to be penetrating or passing through each other. But looks can be deceiving; what's ACTUALLY happening here is much cooler. These crystals are conjoined twins! One hasn’t penetrated the other; they’re actually sharing some of their molecules like human conjoined twins might share organs.

This can happen because of the shape of feldspar’s crystal lattice - the orderly arrangement of its molecules.

The crystal lattice won't match up perfectly throughout the entire structure, but it WILL match up right along the C axis, where we flipped it. Along this line the grid of molecules aligns, and our twin crystals can share them. The place where lattice points are shared is called the composition surface.

Simply put, molecules don’t know what shape they’re making on a macro level. The shapes they make are by complete accident, because that just happens to be what shape you get when you arrange molecules in that kind of grid. The only thing the molecules know is how they can connect to other molecules. It doesn’t matter to them which direction the crystal is growing in, or which direction the crystal lattice is facing. If they can connect up in a way that completely flips the crystal lattice, well... they don't know they're doing that! They're just doing what molecules do!

And that’s how you get Carlsbad Twins!

[saphireeyes9875]

You know, I love all the analyses the fandom is making about the Pristine Cut and Slay the Princess in general, but I haven't seen a lot of people talk about the nature of the Construct. Sure, we all know that the Narrator created it somehow to contain both the Long Quiet and the Shifting Mound, but the actual “fabric” of the Construct is these two gods.  An attentive eye might catch very early in a playthrough that the trees, the sky, the ground - they’re all shades of dark grey and black, with a feathery texture that is unquestionably Quiet. The new Apotheosis showcases this very well. 

But the cabin is different. It’s all light grey and white - Shifty’s colors. I believe that the most notable way this is shown is during our encounters with Shifty’s incomplete form. When we are “at the cabin”, all we can see is her mass of hands and the vessel we brought her - which implies that Shifty is the cabin itself.

And that’s fascinating to me, because the cabin is also, by the Narrator’s design, her own prison. Just as he establishes in his opening monologue that we are on a path in the woods, he also cleverly says that the Princess is within that cabin, and that if she escapes it, the world ends. And, except in the Wild, none of these two statements are ever refuted by either the Hero or the Princess, because to do so is to unravel the very fabric of their false reality.

So even though it seems like the cabin should bend to the Princess’ will, being quite literally her domain, it remains her prison in every other route.

In many Chapter 2’s, but especially in the Nightmare and the Beast, the Princess emphasizes the fact that the cabin will not let her leave - very ironic, since we’ve just seen how the interior of the cabin has been completely reshaped by the Princess’ influence.

I love this line from the Beast, because you can so clearly see how the Narrator’s beliefs have bled through the Construct. I was reminded of it the first time I played through the Princess and the Dragon, because the repetition of “this is what you deserve”, as other people pointed out, seems very much like something the Narrator would tell her.

Notably, however, the Princess can escape the cabin when you are accompanying her. On a meta-narrative level, this makes complete sense: the characters can only escape the cycle of violence they are trapped in when they work together. But within the narrative of the game, this doesn’t seem to fit with the rest of the Construct’s rules. The Narrator would never allow such a thing if he could help it, so this must be Shifty’s influence coming through, right?

And this reminds me of another two routes, the ones I’ve seen people describe as the most genre-savvy ones: the Damsel and the Tower.

I'm not sure if this voice line was cut in the final game or if I just couldn't find it when I went looking for the screenshots, but I'm pretty sure that at some point in the Damsel route, the Voice of the Hero asks why the Princess hasn’t escaped already if her shackle is so loose, and Smitten says that “we’ve yet to present her with her freedom”.

On a surface level, this seems like a pretty arrogant, even demeaning line, a trend in this chapter that robs the Damsel of her agency. On a meta-narrative level, this is commenting on how the “damsel in distress” archetype is often a shell of a character that simply exists to reward the “hero”. But I also think this hints at how the Princess, either subconsciously or by the Narrator’s influence, doesn’t believe that it’s possible for her to escape alone - and therefore, she can’t.

Tower, arguably the vessel most aware of the extent of her powers, is even clearer when she tells us that she could easily break her chains and escape the cabin - and she does so in the Apotheosis - but that’s not the story she wants to tell. As much as they yearn for freedom, all the Princesses, by their very nature as beings of perception, want to be perceived, to connect with someone… especially with the Hero, of course.

(this line makes me go feral every time btw, it's so simple and yet so effective -)

Anyway, this was a very long winded way of saying that the Narrator somehow managed to make the Shifting Mound’s “body” into her own prison (which is insane if you think about it) and she can only be freed with the Long Quiet’s help. I’m not sure if this is like, super obvious, but I still wanted to talk about it, soooo if anyone wants to add to this, I'd love to discuss more!

[billpottsismygf]

Well, I finally got my wish for Guillermo to get to use his slaying abilities again! And it was great, but it didn't quite reach what I was hoping for. He got to swoop in and save the day, and he got to prove himself to his cousin, but he arrived very late and the cameras seemed to focus more on Miguel than on him. More importantly, though, after that scene he's just gone. He rescues them, then the vampires are back home with the Baron and Guillermo isn't there. There's no follow up with him and his cousin about what happened, no indication of how Guillermo feels to use his skills again etc.

This also goes for his relationship with the vampires in general. The episode opens with him being excluded from the 'vamily', then later Nandor mentions that any relative of Guillermo's is part of the family. It doesn't feel like it's actually following up on that earlier arc, though, especially since he vanishes from the episode, as mentioned, so there's no moment of acknowledging that he is still part of the family and he's clearly not invited to the second vampire meeting the day afterwards. The monster is there to menace people, but Guillermo doesn't get to do that despite being arguably far more deadly to vampires.

I liked him calling Nandor his best friend, and obviously that's meant to be complicated and weird but, not to keep bringing this up, that just doesn't feel true anymore. Nandor and Guillermo of previous seasons? Fucked up but definitely the most important person in each other's lives. This season? They've barely interacted, especially one on one. Couldn't we have had a little scene of Guillermo saying goodbye to his cousin and then telling Nandor that, despite them not spending as much time together anymore, he realised he still thinks of him as his best friend? Nandor could have been awkward about it but also sincere. Then he could have replied that he meant what he said to Miguel and of course Guillermo is part of the family. He could maybe even admit that he misses him. That also could have chimed nicely with him calling for Guillermo when he's getting ready right at the beginning. It just feels so surface level and lacking. Yet another missed opportunity.

Also we got the Guide rejecting Nandor (hooray!) but no sign that this has led to any introspection on his part.

[j0kb0x]

Since guts and blackpowder gives us free range for the characters here’s some personal headcanons for their personalities and lives given you can only psychoanalyze them so much. This is as realistic as I can make it based off surface level psychoanalysis + untrue garbage I made up.

Barry:

Despite his short temper (Typical brit) Williams is socially inept and shy. Like super timid. That dumb little softboy persona he has going on there shouldn’t be an indicator that he isn’t dangerous. Dude literally got trained as an infantry solider. He doesn’t want to hurt people, in fact, he avoids it when he can. The war is needless to him and he doesn’t understand why they’d draft someone like him — a lowly stableboy who’s quite known in his village for treating his horses and farm animals like his babies. His overly affectionate and polite personality (which came directly from his overbearing mother) has landed him a lot of bullying by his peers. Aforementioned hesitation to the enemy, but to zombies? He’s under the belief they’re from satan himself like the rest of the world. Afraid of them, but feels a spiritual duty to slay God’s enemies.

Jean:

He’s overly paranoid of Napoleon failing, and holds those french revolutionary beliefs. He wants Napoleon to win, so badly. He really doesn’t want his children living in a world with a stupid monarchy eating better than they do. Jean has no comprehension that maybe Napoleon isn’t the best fit for a country’s leader, in fact he’ll yell at you if you suggest otherwise. His wife died during childbirth and this, coupled with war has hardened him. He has never laid a single hand on his children because his father was deeply abusive, and of course this resulted in a pretty pessimistic, sad, depressed mess of a man. Constantly wanting better and yet fearing the worst. He’s a tough love kind of fatherly friend. Eat your damn rations or you will die. Speaking of which he literally wants to die :D

Jacob:

If this were modern day he’d be legally blind. His clumsiness isn’t the result of stupidity. The direct opposite in fact. He overthinks his job way too much and couple that with his dogshit eyesight, it’s no wonder he has a track record of being the napoleonic war’s personal south park Kenny. If ever a cartoon were made, I could l definitely see him in the background nailing in stakes incorrectly and getting confused as to why it wasn’t as affective as the other sapper’s. He has two sisters back at home and they hate him. They’re pro-monarchy, he isn’t. He raised and took care of these awful pieces of shit. Who were independent thinking teenagers by the time their parents died of sickness. So he couldn’t really influence them even if he tried. He has largely remained non(?) un(?) courted and unmarried his entire life. Hes a huge wine mom induced by stress and if you ever asked him why he never took a wife, he’d start spontaneously crying probably. Sad drunk. Cannot show emotions unless he’s drunk.

Karl / Unnamed Officer:

Selective mutism, ambition.. Way too much ambition. He wants to take down Napoleon himself and even fully believes he’s capable of doing so. Wants to cheat his way above the ranks somehow. He hides this and refuses to reveal his intentions to virtually anyone. Trying to get as close to the general as possible. Not because he agrees with the monarchy thing, but he just wants the fame and glory that comes along with executing him. The other men have horrible tempers but him? Holy. shit. He does not usually act upon his anger but as a wise man once said, “Silence speaks louder than words.” He silently judges those he’s angry at. Could imagine him getting teased, gripping a damn teacup so hard that it shatters in his hand and causes the entire room to go quiet. His whole regiment is batshit TERRIFIED of him. He refuses to betray his life story, let alone if he has any family. Nobody knows crap about him and that furthers the fear. Karl literally popped out of nowhere and his adorable babyface and gentle voice has won him the hearts of women wishing to be his wives… Whom he rudely pushed away in disgust. Has anyone seen that one scene in pootie tang where a woman is simping after him, and so he slips her a bowl of milk like a fucking clingy cat? Yeah I feel Karl would pull something like that.

[twi-liight]

Hello gorgeous! I love the way you write Astarion :) could I please request a fic where the reader (female or non-binary your choice!) has a nightmare and comes to our favorite vampire for comfort? Love you work, I totally understand if this doesn’t spark inspiration!

Phantom Heartache ❣

Brave, sad Alfira. All she yearned for was to carry Lihala's legacy to Baldur's Gate, but thanks to the Dark Urge, the furthest she went was to Tav's camp. That was all she could ever amount to. Slay a thousand enemies. Be pierced by a million blades. Nothing ever compares to the pain of her loss at their hands. ❥ DarkUrge!Tav spoilers for Act 1. ❥ Astarion/Tav. ❥ They/them pronouns for Tav. ❥ Tav is the nickname for the oc/reader insert. Their real name is up to you!

At the crest of their slumber, when inky tendrils drag them gently into the arms of deep sleep, Tav comes home to her.

Dreams cannot fool them easily. Too many have come and gone with promises of power and blood for them to dismiss them as simple yearnings of the mind when they are fast asleep. They know, on a shallow, muted level that this is a dream, that this isn't reality. That none of this is real and it doesn't mean anything.

But there Alfira stands, nothing like the day she left this world. Her purple locks drift in the waters around them. Despite the depths of the ocean, sunlight pierces through the darkness and glitters on her.

"Alfira," they croak out. They speak her name into existence and their heart splits in two.

"Tav," Alfira whispers. Her brows furrow the same way she did whenever she thought too hard. Her lips pucker and set like she's recited these words too many times before. "You have to know something. Something important. I-... Please, just listen."

When they reach out for her, she takes their hands. They wander the ocean depths with no true purpose or destination. It hurts so much. The guilt could crush them before the inevitable dooms along the horizon. It takes all of their strength to say, "I'm so sorry, Alfira."

She shakes her head. Sunbeams catch tears welling up in her ocher eyes. "I know you are. I know you." Alfira clasps their hands tight, warm and comforting, filled with assurance. "You've done so much for us. Thank you, Tav."

Silence overwhelms Tav at that moment, crushing their neck in one fell swoop. They can't breathe. It hurts, and they can't breathe.

"I'm sorry, too. For all the love you gave me that I can't repay, I'm sorry." Alfira whispers, her voice breaking in too many places. The warmth from her hands disappears, and they realize she's letting them go.

"Tav," she says one last time, their last image of her reaching for them as the distance grows wider and wider.

Tav. Tav. Tav. Tav. Tav. Tav. Tav!

"Tav!"

Astarion breaks the connection. Suddenly and all at once, they've surfaced from the waters back to reality, where air is shoveled into their drowned lungs.

All at once, faces and voices. They heave, doubling over as they push themselves upright. Nausea hits them fast and hard but they don't care. Shadowheart, Gale, Karlach, Lae'zel, Wyll - a few paces behind them, Jaheira and Halsin gaze down at her with a somber expression. Closest to them, with his hands closed around their inner elbow is Astarion.

"Tav," he says, softer this time.

Tav, Alfira chokes out. Tav. I'm so sorry.

No. "No." No, no, no, sorry for what? Come back, Alfira. What are you apologizing for, I was the one who-

The vision tightens around their skull like molten iron. The tadpole squirms, receding from the shameful memory of Alfira's corpse, defiled and destroyed. In her eyes, they see themselves.

They were her friend. And they let her die screaming and alone.

"Away," Tav breathes out. It's so weak that it's just a whittled breath, but the strength behind them gives pause to everyone around.

Astarion's hands flinch back, but by then it's too late. It's too much. Their tadpole activates a defense mechanism and power crumbles from the depths of their mind. They struggle away from their companions, roaring out, "I commanded you!"

Waves of ilithid energy break through their portcullis - Karlach audibly yelps in pain, struggling against the barrage of mental energy. "Tav-- damn it, we're trying to--" Wyll's hand lashes out to steady her, only to recede as it flies back to clutch his head in pain. "-- Help you!"

"Gale!" Shadowheart cries, nearly buckling to the floor as the full weight of Tav's prowess pours into her mind, threatening to snap it in two. "Can you-- is there a--"

They lock eyes with Gale, who shoots them a pleading look. "Enough," he begs, holding up his shaky hands as a sign of surrender. "Tav, enough. It's alright."

"It's not," they whisper. It's hard to speak when their breaths are too fast, too raggedy, too stuttered to be anything but a cornered animal floundering for air. They don't notice it. They choke on lungfuls of breaths as they wrap their arms around their waist.

"It's not," they repeat again. Something shifts in the air. Power. Arcane power snapping to Gale's fingertips. Their tadpole twists with alarm. He's trying to hurt you. He doesn't want to understand. None of them understand, they're just using you.

Gale points his finger out, aiming for something behind them.

Enraged, they reach deep into the recesses of their mind for the reservoir of power. To sink their fingertips deep in it feels so alien but familiar. Like pushing their hands into a pool of thick blood, warm and fresh.

Wait. No. No, this is not the tadpole's power. This is...

Kill them, Tav. Before they hurt you. Before you hurt them.

Like what you did to me, Alfira whispers in their ear.

Something inside them breaks into two. It shatters into pieces and pulls out everything they have been hiding; the misery, the weight, the guilt, the howling wail that rings in the air as they crumble in on themselves. Hot, wet tears run down their cheeks, and it's too much.

They can't bear it. It's too much.

"Hey hey hey hey, shh shh shh," Astarion's hands cup around their ears. The remnants of Gale's magic outline him in a misty purple. When had he gotten to them so fast? They don't know. They don't understand. "Look at me, sweetheart."

They can't. Everyone around them is looking at them like they're a stranger. Shadowheart's shell-shocked expression sends a ringing ache down their spine; she is looking at them with pity and concern and fear.

"Let them breathe," Jaheira commands. When no one moves, her voice comes out sharper. "Go! Now. Ready yourselves for a long rest and give them space. You will only make it worse for them. Astarion-"

"I can handle this," Astarion murmurs. Jaheira nods, leading the companions away from the bedrolls.

"Please," Astarion pleads, rubbing circles into their cheeks with his thumbs. "Look at me. Why the tears? You know I hate tears. It is unbecoming of you to tarnish your otherwise candid expression with that face. You go from beautiful to an ugly little duck in less than a second."

"I can't," they choke out. Sobs push in between breaths and words, and they shake their head, suddenly just as afraid as the rest of them.

"You can," he murmurs. "What are you so afraid of, darling? It's just me."

It is just Astarion.

Tentatively, they lift their eyes. When they gaze into him, they find no fear or judgment. There is no anger, either, despite what they had just done and what they were going to do. His stare is forlorn and quiet. His noble brow furrows slightly, contemplative, trying to find something in their eyes.

"There you are," he says, his voice so gentle it could have been a trick of the wind. "Tav of mine."

An aching, dull pain spreads across their chest, and their body seems to understand that the only way to relieve it is to cry. Their shoulders shake, and their lungs are sore, but it doesn't stop the biting sobs from pushing out.

"Astarion," Tav begs, hands catching his wrists and holding onto them tightly. "I hurt her, I-- hah-- hurt, Alfira-"

"I know," Astarion croons.

"I killed her."

"I know."

"She was my friend and I--"

"And you betrayed her." He kisses their knuckles tenderly. "I know. Shh, shh. Oh, gods below. I dreaded the day I'd see you cry. You know why?"

"Because I'm ugly?" They hic-sob, pathetically.

He scoffs, but it sounds oddly fond. "No." Pause. Slight amusement in his wine-red eyes. "Well, yes, in this moment, you are a travesty."

They sob.

"Oh, but don't take that the wrong way, you know I can't stand to see you so hurt. What am I supposed to do, hm? Hold you until the morning comes?" His hand guides their head to the crook of his neck, where he hides them from the rest of the world.

No prying eyes can find them, now. No judgment. No words to say about the hell that they unleashed. Into the shadows, where they're safe in his embrace, where he will keep them until they decide it is time to go.

"You know I will," he murmurs into the crown of their head. "I would hold you through it all, my love. You could become the most hateful monster, covered in the blood of the undeserving, your ledger as red as an apple..."

Astarion shuts his eyes.

"... And still, I would hold you and vow to never let go. Shed your tears for the wrongs you have committed. The blood you have spilled. I don't care. So long as are my Tav, that is all that matters."

They close their eyes, tears spilling down their cheeks. Their dreamless sleep is peaceful. It is empty.

❥ Additional links: kofi | ao3