#but oh well-- XP | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

that-spider-fan-over-there · 6 months ago

Text

Midoriya Izuku: Narrative Structures and Character's Emotion(al Repression)

Repression as A Story In Four Acts.

Or: Reaching Tenku to Save Tenko.

Izuku hasn't accomplished his goal of saving Tenko because according to literally every law of storytelling, he has yet more internal conflicts to solve, which he hasn’t addressed due to his nature of repression, which itself comes from other fatal flaws. Therefore, Tenko’s salvation, which should’ve been the “reward” for Izuku’s difficulties, is now another obstacle at the “end” of act 3 before Act 4 eventually begins. To elaborate:

BNHA, as of now, is split in three sagas — U.A. Beginnings (001-099); Rise of Villains (100-306) and; Final War (307-onwards); similar to the three-act structure in the west. However, by splitting Act 3 into Act 4; we meet East Asia's method of splitting a narrative: Kishōtenketsu. Using the Hero's Journey wheel as a counterpart, roughly we have:

Act 1/Kiku (起句) — Call to adventure, the inticing incidents and stage's set-up for;

Act 2/Shōku (承句) — The rising action; true conflict that will soon culminate, leading to the climax, so we head into:

Act 3/Tenku (転句) — The transformation that leads to the resolution of conflicts, so the story meets the denouement;

Act 4/Kekku (結句): the epilogue. If the consequences must come to fruition, the results must bloom at the end as it wraps up.

Similarly, BNHA presents the classic Four Conflicts: Against Man and Society; All For One and the hero world; Nature, the nature of Quirks; and Self, arguably the most important of them all.

As such, Izuku’s story is easier to see when split into these acts, and so are his conflicts. Planting this seed: Izuku wants to be a hero, but being quirkless is his status quo until the Sludge Villain incident. Presenting the question: How can Midoriya Izuku be a hero? Katsuki being attacked and All Might’s offer are the inciting incidents, and everything from USJ onwards are his brushes to growing conflicts that grow into the Kamino Incident, ending his personal arc in Act 1/Start of Act 2 during Deku vs. Kacchan 2 and The Three.

The rising actions and the new development from Kamino, lead to the rush to control One For All, becoming a new Symbol and what that entails, and more subtly, fixing his and Katsuki’s relationship (i’ll get to this one. oh boy i’ll get to this one soon.) These are Izuku’s conflicts.

His role as one as Toshinori's successor officially puts in center stage of the conflict alongside Katsuki (subtly, also a successor, permanent deuteragonist) and Tenko (foil, recurring antagonist, and the Big Bad’s successor). If controlling the current form of OFA was already accomplished (45% at least), it needes to evolve into another phase; one that ties with his fatal flaws and challenges his virtues. As such: Overhaul Arc shows Eri’s ordeal, Sir Nighteye’s doubts of AM’s choice, and subsequent death (the former conflicts), and Joint Training Arc introduces unlocking of Black Whip (his latter one) are his turning points.

All feed into his insecurities and repression of emotions such as (oftentimes righteous) anger, uncertainty, vulnerability and heartbreak. He doesn’t solve these conflicts just yet, instead choosing to brush it away or let them play out as they happen, a passive instance. For the former arc, it’s understandable because he was under Sir Nighteye’s internship orders, but the latter is a special case, as it ties with an emotional conflict in which we only saw his thoughts at the very beginning of the turning point.

Which, before entering Arc 3, also brings me to another topic: Narrative rewards and punishments.

The root of Izuku's character is stubbornness: When Izuku sticks to the convictions he believes in, and he does it stubbornly, often the hopeful narrative of Boku no Hero Academia rewards him, but when he goes against it (contradicting his morality and/or the story’s messages), the punishment ends up being severe. He’s far from the only example, but he’s the most prominent one. As such, BNHA prides itself in introspection of motivations and embracing every emotion and experiences as stepping stones to be the greatest you can be.

Izuku… Stubbornly also hasn’t gotten that kind of introspection yet. Keyword being yet. He's the character we know little about despite spending so much time in his point of view, and it's deliberate. The few moments he does, is when the roots of his insecurities are reinforced, or when he's dealing with someone else’s obstacle. Talk about others and avoid thinking about yourself.

If I were to describe Izuku; the best descriptors would be: kind, but melancholic. Altruistic, grateful, mostly selfless, but will destroy himself for others without realizing. Reckless, sticks to his values. Competitive and a little envious, but it's born out of admiration, pride and love. But overall, keeps so close to his chest while spouting praises for others out of what he wished he had before.

But in one sentence? This little shit is such a stubborn mule it'd get him killed.

The best example is from Act 1 itself, Summer Training Camp arc. In this, we see the first glimpse of someone he should strive to be: Someone who wins to save people. His reward is saving Kota and Tokoyami, but his recklessness in reaching for Katsuki alone and without a plan ends up costing him a win. The tally goes to the League of Villains; not a total disaster, but they got what they wanted in the end.

Happens again in Act 2, by failing to rescue Eri the first time he and Mirio meet her. Both find out she was tied to Overhaul’s operation, and the feeling of guilt is one of the reasons that makes them want to try again. Somewhat related to Izuku, it’s Sir Nighteye’s conviction that Izuku is unworthy that proves years of fatalistic views wrong too late, as his unwillingness to see what makes Izuku a good choice ends up being corrected as he’s already mortally wounded.

Gentle, La Brava and Lady Nagant are also good examples of the narrative punishing these characters for their nihilistic views, and when they’re shown they have another choice, the story takes them out and as they’ve changed their minds to a more hopeful view, gives them another chance in Act 3. After all, second chances and atonements are Boku no Hero’s cup of tea (Sir Nighteye's wasted his in fatality, stubbornness, unwillingness to change). Which is why characters like Muscular, Ending and the Sludge Villain are not given the grace of a proper sendoff, and All For One got such a rather undignified finale.

Returning to Izuku: Because his internal conflicts weren't challenged yet, and therefore the only visible developments he’s gotten were merely power upgrades, this bites him back by the end of Act 2 and continues in Act 3, the first hit being the most critical one. The things he repressed for the sake of others aren’t willing to stay like that anymore. Furthermore, going against his one consistent conviction and fighting Tenko with tunnel vision on winning, regardless of who needs saving, brings another conflict for him.

Izuku is trapped in Shōku. And that leads to Act 3, where his flaws branch out into four main symptoms amplified by trauma in the Dark Hero Arc, which remain, at the time of this writing, unsolved:

Detachment, fueled by selflessness. Choosing to take every risk on his own, Izuku has thoroughly detached his wants and needs from each other and himself. By not letting others get hurt, that means he doesn’t care if he himself gets hurt anymore, accidentally making himself a martyr. Detaching himself could arguably be the reason he doesn't acknowledge Katsuki at all in the battlefield, or doesn't really ponder on what happens to the vestiges/quirks when destroying AFO (and lets Tenko... well, we'll get there.) All For One vs. One For All.

Recklessness: Izuku’s naturally that by design, and it’s treated as the mark of a hero: "intervening even when they don’t want your help". At its most extreme, however, he goes alone, so Izuku can’t rely on others for help, and the way he wants to fix everything turns into his modus operandi on overdrive. Despite being careful and calculated, he ignores who and what he needs to continue, until he physically can’t. He’s on the other side of that sentence without realizing it. Suicidal recklessness.

Arrogance: A fatal flaw hidden in him but mirrored in his biggest foil. By believing he’s the only person that can handle AFO, hiding all his emotions and trying to be pragmatic, he becomes increasingly arrogant. “All of you, you can’t keep up”, a sentence fitting for someone like Katsuki, not Izuku. He still shows shades of this, even as others try to convince him he's not alone, and the narrative proves him wrong by letting other characters interfere.

Finally, the ropes of repression. Izuku isn’t a very introspective character for himself; he’s a very unreliable narrator because he never stops to fully talk about what he feels; the last time we got something like that was in Deku vs. Kacchan 2. As Deku, he wants to be strong, dependant, not let others worry about himself. As Midoriya, he’s the friend who lends you a shoulder to cry on (and cries along), gives you good advice, is there for you. But who is he as Izuku?

What are his other interests, his feelings on society, or on what is and isn’t fair? More recently, Katsuki’s apology, death, what does that mean for them now? Tenko’s identity as that kid who was crying and as Tomura, who hurt the people he loves, what does he think? Toshinori, as someone who was an idol and now it’s a label closer than mentor-mentee, almost dying? He hasn’t had time to reflect on them, but only recently Izuku's lack of introspection has become noticeable for the audience- placing us in Katsuki's shoes; intuitively, we know what Izuku's gonna do, but can we really tell what Izuku's currently thinking? If at all?

Not-so-recently (for the audience), he’s "moved on" very quickly from Lady Nagant blowing up in his face, seeing All For One single him out as a target, two mobs being so hostile Danger Sense got triggered, and Aoyama's role as a traitor. Except, not really. Everything Izuku’s gone through has been locked in a vault, and despite every character being reactive to it, Izuku doesn’t allow himself to dwell on anything that’ll make him remotely angry or sad anymore. There is one exception and even then Mirio had to prevent him from letting it out.

By failing to start introspecting in Act 2 in any of these, they bring back his internal conflicts, while adding a new two new ones to a pre-existing one, leading us to the Classic Man vs. Conflict part of this meta:

Control One For All (Man vs. Nature): Izuku had the theoretic part of it down; using it as his tools to help, but being Quirkless for so long means he lacked the intuitive part of it; the one that treats Quirks as muscle memories instead. So instead of second nature, they’re more like advisor crutches that can easily lose control; and momentarily as it was, they have, in Deku vs. All For One.

He controls only the mechanics, but never secured himself in believing they’re his power. And since Izuku is easily someone willing to give more than he should, it’s very representative that in giving up One For All, Izuku essentially embodied the definition of “you give an inch, they take a mile”. Or better, you give Tenko a hand, All For One takes an arm. It wasn’t the wrong choice, but an easy trap he fell in.

Izuku, while able to work out the theory, never really gained full control of a Quirk supposedly his own. Which is why it’s so odd his Quirk gets taken away now. Whether he shall remain Quirkless or receive a version of OFA, remains to be seen. I believe it isn't the last of OFA yet, but it's always a 50/50 chance.

Being a future Symbol of Peace (Man vs. Society/Men):

“Men are not born equal. That is the lesson [Izuku] learned at the age of four.”

At this point, “being a symbol” means something else now. For this to even have a shot of happening, Izuku has to find out what being a hero means, by including him as a person in the narrative. And for that, All For One, as the man representative of society’s worst symptoms, needed to go.

It’s no coincidence he and Izuku have many similarities, as both have a fascination with Quirks, are the only ones capable of wielding multiple at once, and grew as lonely; AFO by having a Quirk, Izuku by lacking one. Izuku can be possessive, he recognizes this as an ugly trait, but AFO acts out and relishes in it. It makes too much sense that he's one of the few characters able to lay a hand on AFO; If Yoichi is the version of Izuku whose love wasn't strong enough to reach out, AFO is the version of Izuku lacking understanding, love or empathy.

We Are Here and Midoriya Izuku: Rising show he is by all accounts considered one by every character, but his Rising isn’t finished until he finds out what being a hero means to him, without disregarding his personhood, and realizing he was always one, Quirk or not. He has succeeded in proving society wrong, and proved AFO wrong in every way that mattered. A quirkless nobody defeating the Demon Lord wannabe.

As stated in a previous post of mine, Izuku’s own Rising chapter is the opposite of his Origin because now everyone supports him, roots for him. Despite being weak, he has the strength to get back up and try to do his best… But this isn’t his best right now, which is why Izuku’s Rising isn’t finished.

Control your heart/His relationship with Katsuki/Saving Tenko (Man vs. Self):

This is Izuku’s true conflict; the question of his own personhood tied to the worthiness of his dreams and feelings.

“Can someone be a hero, even without a Quirk?”

Starting with the first conflict, from That Which Is Inherited to The New Power and All For One, “control your heart” are introduced as new arc words for Izuku himself; and a foreshadowing of the problems he’ll face when not addressed. In fact, Izuku’s aware the trigger for Black Whip must’ve had an external factor. Whether he’s oblivious or willfully ignoring what exactly happened is unclear, but he’s at least aware of who triggered it. And not thinking about it only makes Katsuki suffer the brunt of it, his Achilles’ Heel.

The second is the constant conflict since MI: Origin— Izuku isn’t someone blind to Katsuki’s flaws; in fact he’s the most aware of them, despite fandom perception. The thing that a lot of readers seem to miss is that he admires all of Katsuki, even if he was envious of him, and as those flaws ended up causing him a lot of pain. Which is noticeable the lack of interactions on Izuku’s part upon rewatching the first two acts as he was often the one seeking a relationship with Katsuki, while currently it’s the other way around.

It’s not a coincidence but a red sign; a herring or a flag, depending on the ending of One For All vs. All For One: Despite the bullying, Izuku still chose to perceive Katsuki’s good and heroic traits, when by all accounts he’s within his rights to refuse Katsuki in his life. I bring this up because Izuku and Katsuki are the main foils of the story… Which also makes Katsuki a foil of Tenko’s. This is an interesting factor. Izuku could’ve chosen to react to Katsuki’s apology then and there, but there might be three reasons not to:

The emotional conflict parallels Deku vs. Kacchan 2; Act 1’s turning point for the story was Kamino, but the incident pushes them together. Izuku and Katsuki’s relationship is the true turning point of the story as a whole because they’re the ones who fully feel the effects of the incident. The side effect intrinsically ties them, as a unit, to the main plot. Their choices are the true climax of the story.

Izuku forgiving Katsuki before fighting Tenko reveals Tenko’s fate or worse, seals it in a worse one. He hasn’t processed it, and intuitively, we know Izuku will do it, but to have it happen right before confronting Tenko means his actions are downplayed. Everything Izuku did would be a given, and meaningless. What does it mean to give a hand to someone in pain, when this person hurts you? He wanted to save Tenko, but wouldn’t that mean accepting that crying kid is also the man who hurt the ones he loves?

Izuku controlling his emotions isn’t just about Katsuki. He’s a huge trigger for his feelings… Including what he doesn’t like feeling. Repressing everything, detaching himself from that kid who once tried defending a kid in a playground despite having no Quirks, only means Izuku isn’t doing his best. That’s the mask of the “Deku, who’s strong, who’s fine, who can do everything, who always does his best”. Izuku reaching out to Tenko meant to share that sadness, the burdens from when they were young. Tenko did, so in theory, he shed the Shigaraki Tomura mask, but Izuku didn’t, so he’s still bottling his emotions to its breaking point.

So. Izuku's still in his Shōku. But we’re stuck in Act 3. Tenku (heh). Not enough resolutions, no conflicts fully solved. The Status Quo was challenged, changed? But where’s Izuku’s own turning point? The lack of introspections turns what should be Izuku’s rewards for going through the hero’s journey into an obstacle yet to be surpassed. His emotions are the turning point of the entire story, after all, right?

Narratively, Izuku has internally failed to pass the third part of the Kishōtenketsu: Transformation. His emotional conflicts weren’t dwelled on, and as such, he could only do so much to save Tenko. He can’t relate to Shigaraki Tomura, only Shimura Tenko, the crying kid. Every person is a hero in their own story, but anyone can be a villain. It’s what makes us connect to them. Izuku refused until he couldn’t anymore.

For comparison: Ochako doesn't know Toga Himiko, but her tears humanized her in Ochako's view; she wants to know what does Himiko value, what drove her to be who she is. Shoto doesn't truly know Touya, but knows the path it took for him to become Dabi, and wants to reconnect with his brother, at least a little. Shoji and Koda don't agree with Spinner but it's because they know what drives the mob to follow him. Hizashi doesn't see Shirakumo in Kurogiri but Aizawa does, which is why he becomes crucial in the endgame. All of them have a chance at surviving.

As it is, Shigaraki Tomura decayed, marked by All For One. Does that Izuku doing his best lead to a sacrifice? Neither heroes nor villains win. Which brings us back to reward and punishment: Izuku’s punishment for not solving his conflicts, means reaching out to Tenko was a doomed plan from the very beginning. His heart was not controlled while he had One For All, he’s unconvinced he could be a hero from the beginning despite earning his title, and he failed to save that crying kid. Using a power meant to save.

What message would that bring then? Both for a groomed child to believe he was born a monster, to die knowing that was true, that he never had a choice? Does that mean he could've only found peace in his death? And what does that mean for Izuku, who wanted to avoid an outcome where that kid died? Especially when Izuku previously would be fighting tooth and nails, blood, sweat and (many) tears to stop Tenko from destroying himself?

The story isn’t black and white, but it has always depicted abuse victims and their survivors respectfully, and the idea of the child that needed saving the most, dying before a chance of redemption goes against one message: That anyone can, and deserves to be a hero, in any way, shape or form. To have that glimmer of hope, of faith. It brings me the quote:

"Tenko, do you still want to be a hero?"

If Tenko doesn't get a choice, or a chance to respond, that means Izuku wasn’t doing his best just yet.

This enters prediction territory, which I don't usually make, but. In my honest opinion?

I think this is the moment Izuku finally reaches Tenku —Insecurities and repression of righteous anger, over not being able to keep his promise of saving that kid, uncertainty, for not being able to be a hero that saves people with a smile, vulnerability over realizing this is it, this “was the last act” of Hero Deku, and heartbreak. How can he call himself a hero if he can’t save a single child? Whether he likes it or not, now this is his Tenku, because Midoriya Izuku doesn’t walk away from this without being able to save Tenko.

He can’t; otherwise he can’t be considered the World’s Greatest Hero, if he doesn’t fulfill his half of “Win to Save, Save to Win”. That means a perfect victory, minimal to no casualties, is unachievable. All For One wins even if he loses, name tied to Shigaraki Tomura, the Symbol of Fear. He doesn’t get One For All, but gets to take down Tenko with him, so Tenko doesn't get to die free, even as a sacrifice of his choice. Unlike Eri, who was freed from the shackles of Overhaul, Tenko didn't get that chance. The Shimura bloodline dies, and Izuku doesn't prove their generation is different, better than the previous heroes. That doesn't sound fair, does it?

A failure he seemingly couldn’t avoid, or one he could’ve but was unable to? The lowest point Izuku can face, where he’s faced with the worst things that can happen to him has happened twice already in the same arc already; if we consider the time in-universe, the time between Katsuki’s death and Tenko’s death was at worst in the same hour. With everything that happened since the start of this saga; it’s been at best a month’s overdue of a breakdown. Thus, the missing introspection from him.

I believe it’s now beneficial that Izuku can't access One For All: there are no signs of the mask from “the strongest Hero who always does his best”— This is the Quirkless kid who wanted to save people with a smile. And if he can’t do that, does that mean he’s the useless Deku who can’t do anything?

Despite being more receptive to words, Izuku is a character who can't be trusted with what he says, instead what he does. He mumbles all he sees, cries rivers for others, but those green eyes will show you waters waiting to turn into a flooding storm. His actions will always overcompensate for his true thoughts he'd never share, because his thoughts only matter when you ask: What do you really know about Midoriya Izuku?

Nobody would have an answer, except for the one person who managed to misread him for ten years.

Izuku is by far the most reckless character, and stubborn to a fault. He'll pretend he's fine so others won't worry, so he can keep lying to himself a little more, but it's a mask to hide how much he's gonna hate himself, think he's a failure for this. Seeing him give up like that isn’t like him, now, is it? And that truth needs to come from the person, who, while not the only one to make Izuku question his worth, is the only one that can take him out of this mentality. Someone who matches that stubbornness, makes him listen to the truth. And makes him truly let the flood out, even if others think it unpleasant.

To counteract hopelessness, Izuku needs Katsuki. To finally ask out how any of what he experienced was fair. What good was all this pain. Why all of this, for a fight he lost this badly? For a person he couldn't save? For a dream that will never happen? For a Quirk that was never his, that he didn't get to keep? For a life where no one believed in him, were they proven right not to? Didn't he deserve better? He would know, having tried to leave him behind for a decade and realizing he can't go through it, when they just started being equals again.

If their feelings did become one, Katsuki then must be able to read Izuku like a notebook kept close to his chest and give him the right, truthful answers. Their walls aren't around anymore and Katsuki's now become the more emotionally open of the two, so he can make Izuku open up his damned heart and put it in his nerdy All Might’s shirt sleeve.

Izuku was Katsuki's hero before a Quirk. It's Izuku followed him when Katsuki didn't want him, who tried to save him even when he was told to take a swan dive off a roof. It's Izuku who still risked his life for a month to help others at the cost of his own health. If Izuku fought to save, to catch up to everyone so far ahead, why's he shutting down at the finishing line? Why stop fighting now?

In any case. Izuku needs to break down and someone to build himself up. Katsuki’s role as Izuku's closest one ends up being indispensable here— bringing in mind BK: Origin. If not seeking victory is unlike Katsuki, then so is Izuku thinking salvation’s too late. Contradicting their core beliefs is the lowest point, and pulling each other out of the spiral is the goal. The world and Class 1-A are connected to Izuku, but Izuku has yet to connect to himself. Both Tenko and Katsuki are now tied to One For All, through All For One and leftover embers, so why not make this count? From Katsuki, to Izuku, to Tenko.

These are guesses that rely on an outcome that might not happen in the story, but right now, I’d like to believe Izuku’s vault isn’t locked in nine keys anymore. There’s only him and a closed door, in a room that has always been locked, he never thought to open it before. Sometimes, it knocks, and he ignores it. And now it's time to open it and see what's on the other side, connecting him to what he’s been holding onto for the entirety of this story. Rewarding him one last time as he finally catches up.

By reaching Tenku, the story is allowed to continue, and wrap up in Kekku, the fourth act.

Izuku constantly breaks the expectations of everyone in-story. So maybe, he has some of One For All left. Maybe he’s somehow connected to it. Maybe he’ll keep it, receive a new version, or that’s One For All’s last hurrah. Maybe, there’s a chance he can take everything back, and start anew. But connecting to his emotions would help him understand Tenko. And in return, Tenko would finally take a comforting hand.

Either way, realizing what he’s been missing will be the key for the narrative to reconnect to him: Izuku doesn’t give up on anyone. There are no more people telling him what he’s supposed to be or what to do, no legacies tying him down— there’s only him, confronting the last of the Status Quo of the narrative. His actions are the ones that’ll restore this narrative to one of hope. Rain has finally faded to light. Starting with a death, ending with a rebirth.

The consequences will still exist, and must be faced by as many characters as possible, and if, hopefully when that happens, we can start to see the fruits of the turning points: Izuku’s own blooming realizations have to be the hand that’ll lead to Tenko’s Rising. Only then, the world they knew can rise from their mistakes. And maybe Izuku will be there, at peace, graduating with Class 1-A under cherry blossoms, knowing everyone gets to smile once again.

And only then, we'll know if Midoriya Izuku has gone further beyond his dreams of being a hero.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it, even a little bit.

#I TRIMMED SOME PARTS AND IT'S STILL THIS FREAKING BIG I GIVE UP XD #HERE YOU HAVE MY SLIGHTLY JOINTED THOUGHTS ABOUT MIDORIYA IZUKU #wish I had a better title for this post but it's okay I did my best on this impromptu essay from yesterday-#Boku no Hero Academia #Midoriya Izuku #BNHA Spoilers #BNHA Meta #MHA Spoilers #this was brought to you by: looking up structural narratives. being way too defensive and hopeful about Izuku's character.#and wanting to talk about him getting the meaning of out of hand #i don't even know if I said everything I wanted and that's the worst part XP #oh well I got most of it out of my system anyways #long post

21 notes · View notes

griseldabanks · 8 months ago

Text

Let Me Count the Ways ask game

Requested by @sergeanttomycaptain

Fandom: Captain America Relationship: BrooklynBros Prompts: "I can't imagine how I lived without you. I mean, I can remember it, but I can't imagine how I considered that living." AND "Leave you? You know how hard it was for me to TRAIN YOU to deal with me?"

Please note that this takes place after Avengers: Endgame, but specifically with my fix-it ending where Steve stays. If you're interested in learning more, please check out my fic "Let This One Remain."

“I'm telling you, it's really not that interesting,” Steve said.

“I'll be the judge of that.” Bucky clutched the steering wheel with both hands, not taking his eyes off the road.

Steve eyed his best friend warily, wishing once again he'd just kept his mouth shut. But when he'd noticed the name on the highway sign, he'd blurted out that S.H.I.E.L.D. had sent him to a retreat not far from there right after he'd gotten out of the ice. And then Bucky had inexplicably made an illegal U-turn and demanded further directions.

With a sigh, Steve pointed out the turn he still remembered from all those years ago. How many had it been? Eleven? Twelve?

As they crunched along a gravel road overgrown with weeds and filled with watery potholes, Bucky said, “They'll be gone, right? S.H.I.E.L.D.?”

“Probably. I can't imagine anyone would still be using it after all these years.”

“Good.”

“It really wasn't that bad,” Steve said for the fifth time. “I just sat around for a couple weeks and read up on what happened with the war and everything. Look, you can see the pond now. It was like being on vacation.”

“How many vacation spots do you know that have barbed-wire fences?” Bucky stopped with a jerk in front of the gate blocking the drive—and sure enough, the fence that stretched in either direction was topped with barbed wire.

When he looked through the gaps in the fence, Steve spotted the cabin right away. The trees on either side were taller than he remembered, and the grass and weeds along the path grew wild and untrimmed. Steve found his gaze locking immediately on the window through which he'd watched the sun rise every morning after each restless, sleepless night.

The hairs on the back of his neck rose, for some reason. Even though it was the hottest part of the day.

“Come on,” Steve said, opening his door to the rasping chorus of hundreds of cicadas. “If we're going to do this, we'll need to make sure the fence isn't electrified anymore.”

Bucky shot him a look of sheer outrage, but Steve ignored him and walked over to the fence.

There was no hum of electricity like he remembered from before, and sure enough, when he reached out to touch it, he felt nothing but sun-warmed metal. Just as he'd expected—no one would have been around to keep the power on. But the lock still looked solid. Steve looked over his shoulder at Bucky, who was still glowering at the fence. “Here, want to give me a hand?”

“That joke still hasn't gotten old yet, huh?” Bucky gave him a flat look as he casually reached out with his vibranium hand and yanked the gate open with one smooth motion, the lock falling uselessly into the dust.

Steve winked and led the way into the Retreat.

The door to the cabin was locked too, but it was even easier to break that lock and get inside. Everything looked more or less the way Steve remembered, albeit covered with a thin layer of dust. A living room with a couple couches and a fireplace, a kitchen, a bedroom...everything a newly-defrosted supersoldier could need.

“They were watching you?” Bucky jabbed a finger up at one corner of the ceiling, where a small black camera sat collecting dust.

“Yeah. Security, I guess.”

Steve gazed up at the camera, remembering when he'd first looked up and realized what it was. The way the whole cabin had seemed to shrink around him, like there were secret agents hiding in the walls, watching for the slightest sign he was about to crack. They'd told him he would stay there until he was 'ready,' and Steve had realized they would be watching him to decide when that was. If he wanted to leave, he would need to prove that he was still capable of being Captain America for them.

It was like being on stage again, wearing a costume and dancing for a crowd. Only this time, there would be no ducking behind the curtain and taking a breather backstage.

Remembering that made Steve's skin crawl.

Bucky wandered farther into the cabin, glaring around at everything like it had personally offended him. Sam would have laughed at him. Not for the first time, Steve wished they could have invited him on their cross-country road trip too, but he was Captain America now. He had a lot of hands to shake and babies to kiss, and hopefully no more world-ending catastrophes for a little while.

Steve strolled into the bedroom, thinking back to the last time he'd been in here. When he had been Captain America, and had to somehow come to grips with the knowledge that, despite everything he'd done and everything he'd sacrificed, the fight still wasn't over.

The same plaid blanket lay on the neatly made bed. Steve sank onto the side of the bed, kicking up a small cloud of dust. Even the dust smelled the same.

If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine he was back here to stay. That everything that had happened in the past decade had all been a dream. Maybe none of that had really happened—no Avengers, no Thanos. No Sharon. No Sam. No Bucky. Nothing but days upon days stretching out before him, his whole future nothing but a huge question mark. Nothing to do but reflect on the past, dwell on his mistakes, learn all the things that had happened without him and realize just how powerless he was.

How small. How weak. How alone.

“Steve?”

With a breath that caught in his throat, Steve opened his eyes again and found himself looking at Bucky, standing in the doorway and watching him with a furrow in his brow. He tried to smile, but that only made Bucky look more concerned than ever.

Bucky crossed the room and sat down next to Steve, reaching up and brushing the knuckles of his right hand across Steve's cheek. Only when his fingers came away wet did Steve realize he was crying.

“I don't....” Steve wasn't sure what he was trying to say, but it didn't matter, because his voice died in his throat.

“Here.” Bucky scooted a little closer, wrapping an arm around his waist.

Steve turned in to the embrace with a desperation that surprised even him, throwing his arms around Bucky and crushing him against his chest. He needed to feel Bucky there—alive, real, present. Not a dream, not a memory. Not flakes of snow or ash slipping through his fingers. A warm, solid man right there at his side, like it was supposed to be.

They stayed like that for long minutes that stretched out endlessly. Time seemed meaningless here, just like when they'd brought him here the first time. He could have been here for a day. He could have been here for centuries. But for once, Steve didn't mind. He could feel Bucky's arms around him—one soft and warm, one hard and cold. Both of them strong enough to support him, no matter what he faced.

“You okay?” Bucky finally murmured.

Steve sniffled. “I wanted to see Niagara Falls. Would've been more fun than here.”

Bucky pulled back, but let his hand fall easily into Steve's. “Sorry,” he said softly. “I just...wanted to see what it was like. How you lived...while I wasn't there.”

Steve let out a mirthless chuckle, running a hand across his eyes. “I can't imagine how I lived without you. I mean, I can remember it, but I can't imagine how I considered that living.”

No...it really wasn't living. Not in this cabin. Not for the past five years.

“I was just...existing. Carrying on...almost out of habit. Trying to remember why.” He let out a shaky breath, tightening his grip around Bucky's hand. “It's a lot easier when you're here.”

“Sorry it took me so long to come back.”

All Steve could do was nod. They'd had this conversation before, multiple times. They'd probably have it again. And again. As many times as it took before Steve's brain finally caught up to the reality that they were together again.

They sat there for a few more minutes, Steve settling against Bucky's side, the two of them breathing together. Steve focused on the simple sensations that grounded him in the present, reassuring him that he hadn't just woken up from the ice. So much had happened since then, both good and bad.

The days he'd spent in this cabin hadn't been the end of the story.

Eventually, they got up and meandered back outside, still holding hands. Standing at the edge of the pond, looking out at the water and the overgrown bank, Steve listened to the chirring of cicadas and smelled the hot, dusty summer evening air. He felt Bucky's hand in his, slightly sweaty but comfortably familiar. He felt the weight of his phone in his pocket, a comforting reminder that he would be calling Sharon tonight when they found a motel. Maybe in the morning he would call Sam.

He had roots here now, in the 21st century. A home, a place where he belonged. Or people he belonged with, rather. Daily reminders that he had something to live for.

“What are you thinking about?” Bucky asked, breaking into his thoughts.

Steve looked over at him, at the setting sun turning the edges of his dark hair to gold. That face he knew so well, looking at him expectantly, his keen eyes full of sympathy. Steve had to swallow a lump in his throat before he could say, “Can I...ask something selfish?”

“Please do.”

“Don't leave me. Don't...Don't ever leave me again.”

Bucky's eyebrows pinched together for a moment, but then his mouth slid into an easy smile. “Leave you? You know how hard it was for me to train you to deal with me?”

Steve smiled back. The golden sunlight seemed to seep into his skin and sink all the way down to his bones, thawing out any last traces of ice that remained. “Not that hard.”

“Keep telling yourself that, punk,” Bucky said, turning and leading the way back to the car. “After decades of investment, you really think I'd let you walk away now?”

Steve didn't let go of his hand. Together, they stepped through the gate and left the Retreat behind. Within minutes, it was nothing but a dusty smudge on the horizon.

#btw i've never seen any of agents of shield so i don't actually have any firsthand knowledge of the retreat #so i probably got it all wrong but oh well - i did my best! XP #ari asked for this specific scenario and to use BOTH prompts so that's what i did!#ask games #let me count the ways #captain america #avengers #avengers: endgame #steve rogers #bucky barnes #brooklynbros

21 notes · View notes

jesamjdbutfurry · 2 years ago

Text

Artistic freedom titty comm from CowCollar, I. Ough it's so good.

It's over at:

Twitter

#jesam #let's see if this lasts #it might be too risque for tumblr but i don't *think* so???#oh well hopefully it lasts XP #LOVE how this turned out hell yeah #marking it mature *just* in case that'll save it from being sniped by tumblr

124 notes · View notes

frog-rising · 2 months ago

Text

i have them..!

#think i'm going to leave the male as a coatl for a bit and maybe fathom him later #i need silhouette scrolls for both but my gems are getting pretty wiped out lmao #i bought an alloy for mistake purchase female. ough. so gonna have to try to resell her (OUGH) and the alloy #which at least that shouldn't be too hard #i'm such a fool lol oh well #flight rising #the umber pair is going to take longer as a breeding project #but i think i've done enough purchasing tonight xp #pairs

7 notes · View notes

bloodpen-to-paper · 1 year ago

Text

Ok ok obsessing rn over a detail in Cellbit's behavior after aligning with the Federation

He was able to keep it together very well and avoid any slip ups in speaking when it came to selling the part of a Federation loyalist, but there were a few moments when he did slip and I'm making it your business

When Cucurucho told him to break Forever's XP farm, he had a very visible reaction showing that this act held weight to him. Cellbit tells Cucurucho that he's "not able to do something like that" because he doesn't have the permissions to get into that area. And when he's informed that the Federation can give him the ability to do so, his face is very somber, almost like he's disappointed. He really didn't want to do that to Forever. And even though he said he couldn't do it cause of Create mod reasons, I'd like to think him "not being able to do something like that" was a slip up that he quickly recovered from by saying it was cause of the permissions. Trying to pitch it that he couldn't do it because of physical reasons, rather than emotional ones.

Then Cellbit and Quackity get to the farm. Quackity hates Forever for the Richarlyson situation and is eager to place TNT and blow up the whole thing, and how does Cellbit respond?

"Don't explode this, its gonna fuck him up"

He slips. Big time. And it goes to show that luck can really save your ass cause not only was Quackity too distracted by the mobs to hear it, but Cellbit had the perfect in-character reason for stopping Quackity; because the Federation only told him to get rid of the spawners, and to leave one intact. It was the perfect excuse, Cellbit is a perfect loyal peon and he wants to do things exactly as the Federation tells him to, nothing more. They didn't tell him to explode the whole room, so Quackity can't be allowed. They told him to keep one spawner intact, and TNT could accidentally blow up all of them, so Quackity must be stopped. Forever's farm must be protected. It all just so happens to coincide with Cellbit's personal reasons for not wanting Quackity to completely destroy it all.

Cellbit always cared about Forever, no amount of acting skills and strategy could hide that. Just luck.

#Cellbit really pulled a 'hey you can't destroy my best friend's/partner's very important xp farm #because y'know the Federation didn't approve :)#Yeah they didn't give the ok on TNT so just watch me and don't touch anything :)#Oh you can't get your revenge on Forever that I definitely support cause I definitely hate him too oh well that's to bad :))))))#qsmp #cellbit #forever player #forever #im so #can you tell i've hopped on this train recently #what's their duo name I have no clue #4bit?#i'll go with that ig

112 notes · View notes

take-ya-to-the-ghey-bar · 1 year ago

Text

-opens the drafts for this blog and one other one, in hopes of getting the writing juices going-

-ends up with zero juices for either of them, so now i'm just here lowkey salty-

#{|ooc post|}#go figure one of the few times i've had a chance to actually sit at my laptop and try to write-- that i get nothing lol #but oh well-- XP #if i still haven't got anything here in a bit then there's always tuesday/wednesday once i'm back from this visit with friends

1 note · View note

zu-is-here · 2 years ago

Text

Minthe

[3/31] Happy belated anniversary ★

Greek Gods AU by @help-im-a-gay-fish

Dream & Nightmare by jokublog

769 notes · View notes

violetlunette · 1 year ago

Text

Why do we bother to stay? Why are you running away? Don’t you feel like severing?

Inktober Challenge: Day 1; “Listen to me!” | Use a song to inspire your art for today!

Trigger warning(s): *hints at suicidal thoughts *blood

Spoiler Warning(s); Twst Chapter Seven

Silver had no idea where he was or how he got there. But he knew he had to leave, or he would never leave. However, he hadn’t even taken a single step before the trap was sprung. Silver gasped as the inky black threads wrapped around him, then winced as they cut into his pale flesh, drawing blood. He watched as the red leaked out of his skin and the black ink seeped in, turning his skin gray. ‘No, no!’ Silver attempted to pull away, but it was like he was trapped in a web and his struggles were just attracting the attention of a spider.

Behind him was a Phantom, but it was like none he had ever seen. It had a head of an ink bottle with cracks around the middle, allowing ink to dribble out. It wore a gown that was ever-changing from blue to pink that fluttered like a flag in the wind with a crown of gold and a necklace. Silver swallowed. “Who…What… Why are you here?” Petals drifted from the rose on its head as it stared at the teen. “I’m here to take you away from it all.” It reached out, but Silver jumped back. “NO!” He yanked the sword from his side and threw it into the Phantom’s chest. Ink leaked from the wound like pools of blood as the blade pierced it. However, the creature didn’t seem to be in any sort of pain. It tilted its head, golden crown glinting in the nonexistent light. “Why do we bother to stay?” The Phantom’s voice echoed about in a quiet whisper, gentle and sad. Long, golden curls danced around the Phantom like rays of sun that tempted the frightened Silver in, like a moth to a flame. “They’ll never be able to forget.” Silver swallowed, yanking his gaze away. “That’s not true--” he muttered, staring determinedly at the ground. “Father—he loves me.” The Phantom read his heart instantly. “Yes. He does. But do you deserve it?” The Phantom inquired. A hand entangled with threads lifted itself, ink dripping like drops of rain. “Listen to me; Can’t you imagine the conflict in his heart when he looks at you? You, who has the blood of the ones who destroyed his home and the lives of his people. The one who has the face of the one who killed those he held most dear.” Silver stumbled back as if the Phantom had removed the blade from her chest and stabbed him. “Every time your father looks at you, he must be reminded of his sorrow. And yet—he held you. Nursed you. Protected you. Loved you. Even though he must have suffered doing so.” Silver’s throat went dry. How many times has he thought these thoughts in his head? He thought of his father’s smile. How much of his pain was he hiding behind that smile when he looked at him? And Malleus-- “No! Just get away from me!” Silver turned and ran, the treads trailing behind him. His haggard breath echoed in his ears, only matched by his heartbeat as it pounded against his chest, like a prisoner banging on the bars of its prison. He had to get out of here. He had to get away before-- “Why are you running?” The voice was at his ear. He shuddered, nearly falling forward before the threads yanked him back. “Are you trying to avoid judgment?” Silver clenched his eyes shut. “N-no! I…” He shook himself as the hands pawed over him like he was a kitten, his body becoming as cold as ice. “Your blood killed them. Your blood destroyed Briar Valley and the lives of those in it. Because of your blood, Malleus grew up without a family. Will you not accept responsibility and disappear?” “I…I didn’t…” “You were born in the palace that was stolen from Malleus. You have your life at the cost of his mother. And Lilia’s beloved.” Silver stopped his struggles. He recalled the memory of Malenora, the love she had for her unborn son, a love Malleus never got to feel. Because of the Knight of the Dawn. His father, his blood. Tears fell down his face as he trembled, his veins turning black as the shadows that surrounded him. “I…” Strings wrapped around his weeping eyes, blinding him.

“It hurts, does it not?” As the gentle words rang around him, he felt the thread around his neck tighten. It didn’t hurt, but he knew this wasn’t a good thing. Yet he couldn’t stop it. “Don’t you want to stop hurting them? Break the chains they placed on themselves for you? Cut the bonds that hurt them?” The thread cut into his neck. “Don’t you feel like severing?” Blood fell.

Phew! I had to do a quick job here! (Sorry it’s sloppy!) Anyway, I put my Halloween playlist on shuffle and got the song “Evelyn, Evelyn,” which kinda fits for how I imagine Silver and his Phantom getting along, but I focused on three lines in particular;

“Why do we bother to stay?” Why stay if he’s hurting the ones he loves?

“Why are you running away?” Why is Silver running from the Phantom who just wants to end his pain?

“Don’t you feel like severing?” Cutting his bonds to his family and life so he’ll stop hurting people.

I may expand on this in the future in a fic because I see potential for angst. (I also want to create a better image.)

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this quick ficlet and wish me luck because I’m going to try to do two inktobers this year! Why? Because I tend to bite off more than I can chew to "challenge myself."

("clean" image, btw.)

#I also misunderstood the challenge so I did more work than I had to because I'm a dummy >XP #oh well #silver twst #twst silver #twst diasomnia #disney twst #twst #twst fanart #silver twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland silver #silver vanrouge #inktober #2023 #mine #twst phantom #the sword is wrong because I added Silver stabbing her last minute #twst spoilers #twst chapter 7 spoilers

38 notes · View notes