#but oftentimes it is all part of my grand writing master plan

[daswarschonkaputt]

How did you think of Rochana? She is a new favorite! What made you bring her character in?

well, among other things, i really wanted another female character to round out the cast. i mean, i really appreciate kinnporsche's "can't sexualise women if there are no women" approach to media, but. please. just a scrap. i am begging.

ah, rochana. babe. she's been in the fic since chapter one, and that's for a good reason.

chapter one's purpose is to set the stage for the state of affairs in sheets. i wasn't interested in rehashing large parts of canon, so i decided to start the fic with porsche already recruited -- which meant that chapter one had to communicate a lot of information in its relatively short 5k runtime. so basically all of the stuff that's in the chapter is there for a purpose.

for example, the scene at the start of the chapter at the club with tae is there to establish all the facts of the situation very quickly, and to give a brief window into porsche's feelings about this: porsche is kinn's fake boyfriend, actually a bodyguard, knows stuff about bodyguarding; they're all up in each other's space with palpable sexual tension and basically no respect for each other; and porsche feels incredibly isolated and objectified by what's going on.

so what purpose does chana serve? (i referred to her as rochana in the text because i was aware i already had two characters named chan and chay, and i felt this would be easier for readers to parse.)

primarily, i introduced chana because i wanted porsche to have a friend among kinn's service staff. i wanted to communicate that porsche had really good people skills and was fully capable of making nice -- to make it even more clear how uncomfortable he was in kinn's presence, that he didn't employ those skills with kinn's friends.

the other reason i introduced chana was to establish one of the core tensions of the fic: porsche and how he fits into his social class. porsche is from a working class background. kinn is a beacon of generational wealth. a lot of the issues porsche has with kinn early in the fic are to do with porsche's dislike of what he sees as the trappings of the wealthy (i.e. sick rich people bullshit). chana is there to help contextualise porsche and his perspectives against the backdrop of extreme wealth. she helps remind us that kinn's lifestyle isn't normal. she's a little beacon of porsche's socioeconomic background, hanging out in the laundry room.

and then the final two reasons are kind of boring by comparison. i wanted to have a scene where porsche was hiding somewhere listening to compound gossip about him (to help establish that he isn't kinn's usual taste -- i am very attached to the fact that kinn dated twinks and twinks exclusively until porsche came along and ruined him for all other men) and i also wanted to have a scene where it was like, "oh, but the laundry girl sees all." because. you know. between the sheets. the fic title.

but yeah. i know a lot of people don't like original characters in fic, or are very leary of them, but i don't tend to think that hard about including them. they just have to have a set purpose, and they have to have some sort of personality that makes them. you know. a person.

anyway i love chana a lot, and i'm glad people also seemed to.

[carmichealroyals]

CHARACTER INSPIRATION // C H A L L E N G E

Rules: Write up a blurb or make a visual collage of the people or characters (from books, TV shows, movies, etc.) that inspired your OC, either visually, personality wise, or just a general vibe.

I was tagged by this by so many lovely pals -- @thelockwoodroyals, @wa-royal-tea AND @ourwillowcreekroyals !!! I only feel bad that it took me so long but I wanted it to be as perfect as it could be while taking time to fiddle with Photoshop more (thank you @royaldevilliers for answering my silly questions). Below the cut are the descriptions for the personality types and tropes for each of the main three kids of this next generation! 

Not sure who’s done this yet, so if you see this and you want to do it, this is me telling you to do it!

CHARLOTTE:

The Protagonist:  Protagonists are natural-born leaders, full of passion and charisma. Forming around two percent of the population, they are oftentimes our politicians, our coaches and our teachers, reaching out and inspiring others to achieve and to do good in the world. With a natural confidence that begets influence, Protagonists take a great deal of pride and joy in guiding others to work together to improve themselves and their community.

Spirited Young Lady:  She is the girl who bends the rules just a little. Oh, she can dance a country dance or pour tea with the best of them, but she may also be a good walker or horseback rider. She may be the most intelligent girl in the story, and she is almost certainly the wittiest and the most outspoken, sometimes earning her the title of spitfire. She may be talented in more practical ways, as well: if given the opportunity, she may turn out to be a wise investor, and she may harbor talent for music, writing, or art that goes beyond drawing room entertainment and might become a means of financial independence if necessary. In rare cases, she may even solve a murder. Though she occasionally runs into some trouble, especially if she fails to obey the powers that be, she usually comes through in the end.

Deadpan Snarker: A character prone to gnomic, sarcastic, sometimes bitter, occasionally whimsical asides.The Deadpan Snarker exists to deflate pomposity, point out the unlikelihood of certain plans, and deliver funny lines. Typically the most cynical supporting character. In most cases, it is implied that the snarker would make a good leader, strategist, or consultant given their ability to instantly see the flaws in a constructed plan. More often than not, their innate snarkiness is the only thing preventing the other characters from comprehending this for themselves.

Politically Active Princess:  The Politically Active Princess is a princess that takes active interest in and plays an active role in politics. Naive courtiers and commoners alike might view her only as a figurehead, but in truth, she discreetly uses her position and guile in order to achieve her ends. Skilled in diplomacy, she will usually attempt to solve conflicts via conversation or bargaining, rather than combat. Her defining trait is her involvement in politics or diplomatic matters, without letting herself serve only as a bargaining chip.

Inspired by: Mia Thermopolis (The Princess Diaries); Lorelai Gilmore (Gilmore Girls); Vex’ahlia (Critical Role); Jenny Lee (Call the Midwife)

PETER: 

The Architect:  It can be lonely at the top. As one of the rarest personality types – and one of the most capable – Architects (INTJs) know this all too well. Rational and quick-witted, Architects may struggle to find people who can keep up with their nonstop analysis of everything around them.

The Dog Bites Back:  Unlike the Bastard Understudy and The Starscream, this character attacks as a crime of opportunity. There is no danger that he will take over the villain's place in the grand scheme of things. There is, however, a possibility that he will menace the others as a True Final Boss. The backstabber often ends up dead, but this is usually not Redemption Equals Death because their motive is not noble. Innocent victims who turn on the villain typically do it only for revenge, while evil victims prove that they were fine with all of the Big Bad's crimes except the one committed against them.

Middle Child Syndrome: Everyone loves the oldest child because the parents can rely on them, they watch out for their siblings, and they're so confidently attractive. The Youngest Child Wins because they're the "baby". But what does that leave the one in the middle? That's essentially the definition of Middle Child Syndrome, in which a child automatically may become The Unfavorite or the rebellious Black Sheep, specifically because they are the easiest child to overlook. They're not old enough to be given the responsibilities and privileges of the oldest, and the youngest child took their spot as the spoiled and doted-on "baby" of the family. This tends to be more of an issue when there are three children rather than four or more. Oftentimes in media, the middle child ends up becoming more of the Deadpan Snarker or the quirky one for this reason.

The Un-Favorite: Where there's an Alpha wolf, there's got to be a Beta. When there is a first banana, there is a second banana. This is the person in the family who can't get a break. For example, this is the child who's the big let-down to their parents, the daughter that was supposed to be a son (or vice-versa), the child the parents had by accident when they'd already decided they didn't need another mouth to feed, the adoptive, foster, or stepchild that came before the parents had a biological child, the illegitimate child conceived by infidelity on the part of one of the parents (if not even worse). But all in all, this is basically the kid who is always getting the short-end of the stick. In some extreme cases, this may cause Rich Sibling, Poor Sibling, especially if one sibling is forced into service to the other. A regular line that may be entailed with this is a variant of, "Honestly, [name], why can't you be more like [favorite's name]?"

Inspired by: Edith Crawley (Downton Abbey); Fiyero (Wicked: The Musical); Logan Huntzberger (Gilmore Girls); Rafael Solano (Jane the Virgin)

PEGGY: 

The Mediator:  Idealistic and empathetic, Mediators long for deep, soulful relationships, and they feel called to help others. But because this personality type makes up such a small portion of the population, Mediators may sometimes feel lonely or invisible, adrift in a world that doesn’t seem to appreciate the traits that make them unique.

The Baby of the Bunch: Being the youngest of your group typically comes with some perks and challenges. On one side you're probably the cutest, have a pass to act immature, people like taking care of you, and you can embrace your fun side, knowing that the elders are there to handle the serious stuff. And if there's anything you're naïve about, you have plenty of others to give you the realest unfiltered advice without the generational gap and detachment that your parents or the Old Master have. On the other end, sometimes people don't take you seriously. There you're kinda stuck because no matter how old you get, you'll always be "the baby" in their eyes.

Indifferent Beauty: A character who is attractive, aware of their effect on other people, but doesn't care or at least doesn't value their physical attractiveness over their other traits. Often, this character is a consummate professional who is well aware of the fact that they could use their "assets" to get what they want by other means, but feels that it would be unprofessional or beneath their dignity, and is instead focused on proving that they can compete purely on skill, often to the exclusion of romantic opportunities. While such characters are not averse to dressing in sexy outfits, they don't plan on relying on or even exploiting their sex appeal - but the camera will often do that for them. Other characters' indifference is not due to regarding relying on appearance to be beneath their dignity, but rather that they consider it to be unimportant.

Spoiled Sweet:  The Spoiled Sweet character is a naive, spoiled, rich or comfortably upper-class or upper-middle-class girl, who has everything they could ever want, but instead of being mean, she is as nice as can be to everyone. While still spoiled, slightly naive, perhaps shallow, maybe even a bit selfish at times, when it comes right down to it, she is a loyal friend and doesn't use her money or popularity as an excuse to treat everyone like garbage — though the trope Rich in Dollars, Poor in Sense is in play, especially since a particularly common sticking point is that characters of this type often believe their friends and other loved ones deserve to live just as well as they do.

Inspired by: Rory Gilmore (Gilmore Girls); Beth March (Little Women); Pike Trickfoot (Critical Role); Peggy Schuyler (Hamilton: An American Musical)

[docholligay]

DO WE WANT 2,200 WORDS ON REI’S PERSONAL GROWTH IN EPISODE 23 GOD I HOPE SO

So one of the things that comes up over the course of these four episodes is Rei and her personal growth as manifested through her Senshi power. This also comes up in earlier episodes, so I’ll be drawing from them a little bit, too. (Also Minako being a manipulative troll) 

Rei is a pretty standoffish and grumpy member of the Senshi, and I really love that PGSM gives her the space to be that. She’s been working on a lot of this youma stuff alone, because that’s how Rei is used to doing things: Alone. She’s spent most of her life alone, and life has taught her that to rely on anyone is a mistake. It takes time to unlearn that, and I really appreciate that PGSM allows her the time for that. 

Usagi powered up in the last episode by learning the shocking truth that she can be really fucking selfish and self-centered, and I love that it works as an aspect of her power but not Ami’s evil, because apologizing is one thing, but that doens’t make everything right, right away. Why should it? And so we have the genius of “Fuck your friendship mittens” even though USagi’s power-up magically heals the mittens as well just to remind us all that we are in a Sailor Moon joint ANYWAY, this is about Rei, and how Rei needs to grow. 

Rei’s problems aren’t are the same as Usagi’s and it’s a mark of the quality of PGSM that it allows each of the girls to go through their own growth in order to power-up. It’s not just a leveling up, it's a better understanding of how to be a team member, the ways in which each of them can greater contribute to the whole. It’s an important part of teamwork that I think gets glossed over oftentimes, that to really be in harmony with each other we have to change the ways we’ve done things. If you do this portrayed in media, it’s generally only in a romantic setting. The idea of a group of magical girls having to grow and change to fit each other isn’t that common. 

Admittedly the title of this episode is a little fucking crackers, even more so when you consider that it is in fact literally what happens here: Rei sings to get her power-up. That’s nuts. That’s wild. Why am I holding this up as a paragon of character development?  Because, as with all crackers things that actually work, it’s not about Rei singing at all. It’s about her learning important object lessons that the leader of the senshi has to convey through on the ground knowledge, because Rei won’t fucking listen to a thing she says. 

(It’s actually hilarious how little the senshi listen to her given that they think she’s the actual fucking princess. Rei wouldn’t go after the youma, Usagi wouldn’t fight Ami, like I need PGSM background that’s just Mina swearing about how SHE IS LITERALLY THEIR SUPERIOR WHY DID I EVEN BOTHER WITH THE TOY R US CROWN IF THIS IS WHAT I’M GETTING) 

And admittedly, this first lesson I’m about to point out is the less important one, but it is the more hilarious one: Mina told Rei to leave her the fuck alone and she won’t. The fun way of thinking about this is that Mina knows Rei has feelings for her even if Rei doesn’t quite know that yet because our darling and beloved Rei hino is a little bit of a repressed sunflower. Mina knew that Rei would, in no way, listen to Mina or keep her promise to leave Mina alone and stop following her. Mina knows a dumb lesbian when she sees one, and she can see the writing on the wall, but if at least for this moment, she can teach her: Fucking listen to me. 

Now the less fun way (for most of us, but not for my evil ass) is to remember that MINA IS GOING TO DIE. She knows this. No one else knows this. Mina has a vested interest in getting everyone’s shit together before she fucking dies, and has no interest in anyone’s pity. For all she knew Rei was never going to listen to her, no way no how, there has to be a small part of her that hoped Rei would. Because Rei getting closer to her is a mistake, no matter how much Rei wants it. Mina is distant for a reason. There’s no benefit in letting anyone get close to her when she knows that her Narratively Convenient Illness is going to claim her sooner rather than later, and I admit that I LOVE THIS SHIT. People covering up their illnesses to try to spare those around them is a trope I fucking feast upon like a fat Roman emperor with a grape. However annoyed I get with the conclusion to this whole fiasco, AND I DO, I love that I got a little bit of this delicious angst. 

That isn’t to say that MIna really spends a lot of time beating around the motherfucking bush

The absolute shade that she has going on here, the way she says “that sure surprised me” and Rei of course takes it personally from Mina in a way that I’m not sure I think she would from anyone else, because she respects Mina in a way she doesn’t anyone els eon beyond her being “the princess” A lot of people wonder where I get this idea about Mina being the leader and specifically Rei being the second in command, and it’s pretty much here in PGSM that all of that arises from, although given my general feelings on Rei I admit it may have come of its own accord eventually. 

Rei takes that role as leader so seriously, and she feels in her heart that’s why she’s a fuckup, because fucking USAGI powered up before her, before any of them, and how is she meant to be leader, when she’s failing so hard? Her immediate lead in for Rei is that Mina will think her shameful, that she should say Rei is shameful, and you know what? Mina fucking does it, ebcause she does not have time for this shit and she is not here pat heads and make everyone feel better. She’s working on a tight timeline, and I LOVE that she doesn’t hesitate before saying “Yes, I was going to say that you’re shameful, actually.” And then she points tot he fact that awakening is a problem of the heart (which is what we’re going to get into with what she needs to learn) and without telling her what she’s lacking as leader, simply tells her that, she is lacking. 

Mina’s not going to leave her to twist in the wind here, even if it feels like it--her grand plan for Rei Hino with all of this is coming down the hallway just shortly--but I like that she doesn’t spoonfeed the answer of “You can’t do all this shit alone (she said, doing everything alone, Mina you hypocrite) and you have to learn to ask for help. That’s how you become leader” because Rei wouldn’t learn anything from that. Rei reacts to asking for help like a cat to a fucking spray bottle. She wants nothing to do with it, and while, yes, this is a bit of goofy way to cast the idea she can trust her team and ask them for help, I think it still manages to be effective. 

AND THERE IT IS, HER MASTER PLAN. This is particularly hilarious given the fact that we know Rei fucking hates karaoke, and so maybe that particular aspect of it isn’t exactly for Rei’s edification so much as MIna’s amusement, but there we are. 

AHAHHAHAAH oh Mina how I fucking adore you. 

Anyway, Rei goes to go sulk in the batcave over Mina’s challenge, is beleagured and thrown to the ground in a definitely unnecessary and highly dramatic sense, and then, the worst thing that could ever happen, happens. SHE IS FORCED TO ASK FOR HELP. 

I want to give full credit to the actress who plays Rei here, because she makes the absolute awkwardness of this, the way this is like pulling teeth for Rei, so clear. This is the Fareeha Amari experience of asking for help. Usagi is the only person she knows that can help her with this, because I feel like mad karaoke skills don’t necessarily get a lot of play over at the shrine, and you can tell this is just killing her. She never expected to have to ask this kind of help from anyone, let alone Usagi, who is immediately thrilled and runs to her aid. (It must also be noted that Rei stays in this exact dramatic position on the floor until Usagi gets there, Rei, my god, please, you lesbian bowl of porridge, Mina is not wrong and you desperately need to pull it together) 

Even when Usagi gets there, her body language is so stilted and uncomfortable, this is so foreign and almost frightening to her, which was pretty much exactly Mina’s point: It’s easy for Rei to fight, easy for her to curse, but it isn’t easy for her to put herself in a place of vulnerability, in a place where someone can say no or otherwise reject her, leave her out on her own, which we all know Usaig as no intention of doing, which was also, I think, why Mina chose this exact mode of torment. She’s setting Rei up for success. 

Rei expects so much of herself at all times, and is so used to being alone in the world, and its really very striking the way she reacts to this entire thing. Rei, you’re singing for children not letting someone die on the battlefield. 

But of course we get around to the day, and Usagi gives her what I think Mina always knew she would, the reassurance that not only would Usaig help her, but that Usagi genuinely wanted to and enjoyed helping her, and also that it brought them together as a team. Usagi knows, really for the first time with Rei, that she’s trusted, that they are doing this together, and it reaches Rei, too, in such a way that we actually see her tear up: 

I’ve thought about this a lot over the times I’ve seen this episode, but I think what I finally land on for Rei and her tears is that sense that she’s been holding back so much aand being so strong for so much of her life, and maybe, just maybe, she doesn’t actually have to be literally all of the time. Maybe she’s allowed to get help, and to face things with people who care about her, and this is something she’s been able to do on the battlefield, but really not translate into her real life, and here Usagi and Mina have really woked ina  tandem that Usagi didn’t even know was happening to show Rei that her life is not just her own, and that she matters and that when you have a real team, help is expected. 

And then rei sings a deeply overserious song for a group of seven year olds but I will get into that in detail next post. 

ANd then that trust is immediately reciprocated by Usagi, who goes to fight the youma on her own and simply mouths to Rei that she will go on ahead and Rei can come afterwards. It isn’t as if Rei has ever particularly been unrelaiable in a fight, but I think given the exchange they just had, there’s definitely a sense of it having greater weight here, where Usagi would be delighted and surprised when Sailor Mars shows up. She knows she can trust her, and Rei knows that she is trusted, and that they are part of a far greater web than she ever assumed was possible in her life. 

And with that, in the battle: 

The deal with PGSM is that there are largely your finest cheapest MS paint special effects, and none of us really care because the senshi are people. BUt even with the finest cheapest effects the emotional impact of this moment really hits. It’s done in slow motion, and you can really see on her face the realization that her power has grown within her, that she has known grown as a person and as a soldier, and there’s this look of competence and of self-assurance that runs through her every movement. It’s just something that was shot and done in a really compelling way, and given that this whole episode has really been devoted to Rei’s growth (with a mamoru B-plot, to extra assure we don’t care about anything else) I’m glad they gave it the emotional gravitas it deserved. 

MIna, as ever, gives her effusive praise, immmediately after saying “But there’s a lot more you have to do.” this inclusion is only for me to profess my love for her and that’s all I’m sorry. And also for Rei to finally get what I’ve taken over 2,000 words to say. 

And then the most perfect ending to an episode ever, Rei re-asserting that she is still the same grumpy gus, and just because she trusts Usagi doesn’t mean she’s going to put up with the horseshit Usagi loves. THERE IS TRUST BUT NEVER KARAOKE >:( 

[kimonobeat]

aiko bon: Official “Natsufuku” liner notes

aiko’s 3rd album, released under Pony Canyon on June 20, 2001. The album includes two of her biggest hits and went on to sell over a million copies.

Hikouki (飛行機; Airplane)

be master of life

Rosie (ロージー)

Hisoka na Sayonara no Shikata (密かなさよならの仕方; The Subtle Way to Goodbye)

Owaranai Hibi (Endless Days)

Kokoro Biyori (心日和; Weather of My Heart)

September

Ame Fumu Overall (雨踏むオーバーオール; Overalls Stepping in the Rain)

Aspara (アスパラ; Asparagus)

Boyfriend (ボーイフレンド)

Hatsukoi (初恋; First Love)

Natsufuku (夏服; Summer Clothes)

(Thank you parasmichael for the commission!)

☑ The album as a whole

Oh! I’m eating tulips on the cover. I cut my hair outside just before doing the photo shoot at this one tulip place. Where’d we go for this again? Kobuchisawa? We rented out a bed and breakfast and did a little photo shoot in some flower garden-looking place. Has it really only been 3 years since then? It feels like a long time ago. It’d only been 3 years since I’d made my debut but everyone had stopped calling me a ‘newcomer’ by then. I was feeling sort of unsure of myself at the time. I developed nodules on my vocal cords during the tour I did after this album was released. Looking back on it now, though, I feel like there were early symptoms of it during recording. I was so hellbent on making it that I just barrelled on ahead anyway. And because of that, I feel like making this album in spite all of that got me back to looking on the bright side of things again.

☑ Hikouki

Such a dramatic song. I wrote this song on Day 1 of my Gb column. I got lost trying to make my way to the place where we were doing the shoot. The plan was to go to the Metropolitan Building but my manager and I got lost trying to go there by car. Then my manager went outside to make a phone call so I just sat in the car, staring blankly out the window. It was Sunday, so there was no one around. I looked at the sky and saw a plane flying way, way up there, and wrote this song while looking at it. I was feeling the teeniest tiniest bit lonely coming to Tokyo on my own. “I’m ALL ALONE,” I kept thinking to myself. I think that’s where the chorus came from. I worked hard to get to Tokyo and yet I also felt like there was this part of me that’d been left behind. I wrote the song by combining those feelings with emotions you feel when you’re in love. I wanted the arrangement of the song to have a bittersweet feel to it as well so I told them something that made no sense. I was like, “I want you to make it sound like [the comedy duo] Kamaitachi.” (laughs) But the strings sound very ‘Kamaitachi’ to me. We also shot a music video for this song. Both my manager and Nagai are in that music video, by the way. (laughs) Everyone looks so young! I have a lot of good memories from this music video. I feel pretty embarrassed seeing myself smoke in the MV, though. (laughs)

☑ be master of life

This is the one song that features my fans’ voices. I used the voices of everyone who came to see me at a fan club concert. We recorded it and then included it on the track. There was a microphone hanging down above the audience and I went, “On the count of three: one, two, three!” The crowd gets really worked up over this song at concertsーyou just can’t sit still to this song, pretty much as soon as the intro starts. It’s a love song, but my friend from Osaka was the one who inspired it. She’s a really nice person who’s almost like, too scared to come into contact with others in case she accidentally hurts their feelings. But she really is a nice person who’s helped me out a lot. I was trying to think of something I could do to help her out when this song came to mind. It was on the same demo tape as “Hatsukoi,” “Hisoka na Sayonara no Shikata”, “Ame Fumu Overalls”, “Hikouki”, “Owaranai Hibi” and “Kokoro Biyori”. A lot of the songs on this album were made around the same time.

☑ Rosie See ‘Rosie’ single liner notes

☑ Hisoka na Sayonara no Shikata See ‘Boyfriend’ single liner notes

☑ Owaranai Hibi

This is my mom’s favorite song. (laughs) She told me she liked it. I really think it has this sort of ‘one-on-one’ feeling when I sing it. When you take the chords, the overall atmosphere of the song, the melody, the lyrics, and put them all together, it almost feels like I’m just chatting away. In the song I’m saying, “I’m going to say what’s on my mind. I’m a normal girl too. There’s no such thing as a person who is innocent, completely pure of heart, and has never once lied in their entire life. I lie sometimes, and I don’t think that’s such a bad thing. And even though I do, I like you. Is that okay?” I really like how thick the instrumental gets after the chorus.

☑ Kokoro Biyori

I pictured this as a rock song in the very beginning when I wrote it, but then the finished version Shimayan did had a completely different arrangement. Sometimes Shimayan takes me completely by surprise with his arrangements. This song was like a sucker punch to the heart. I said, “Wow, I like this better!!” The strings come in over top of that opening bass lick, and that rhythm! I get so excited about it. I got so carried away that I came up with a dance for it in the studio. Doing a dance escalated to me appearing on stage in a kigurumi. I wrote the lyrics by finding similarities between the weather and my state of mind. One of my friends is a free spiritーshe’s a total mystery, that one. I’m only just now starting to talk about some things with her even though I’ve known her for over 10 years at this point, but she’s a total mystery to me. (laughs) Like, just when I think she’s showed up randomly to see me, she’s gone. I was surprised to hear that she’d been feeling pretty lonely for a while. You could say I ended up modeling it after her. “‘Kokoro Biyori’ is great! I love it!” she told me not too long ago. “I really love ‘Kokoro Biyori’!” (laughs) I was glad to hear that but didn’t tell her she was the person I modeled the song after.

☑ September

I love this song. I mean, I like them allーthey’re my songs, after all. (laughs) This song was created on the radio. When I was on “All Night Nippon” I did this special feature called “The Big Single Campaign” where I’d play 2 or 3 of my singles on the piano. Someone said to make a song about September because it was September so I started singing. Then the mixing guy Kawabeーwho was always dead silentーsaid, “That was great, aiko!” I was so excited that Kawabe said that he liked it, I wrote this song. You could say I decided to make it into a song because of that. So thank you, Kawabe! (laughs) It’s sort of an ‘answer song’. I mean, it’s got the words ‘cry baby’ in it. I sorta have, like, really strong feelings about this song. One time I sang this song just as the sun was setting during a concert I did in Enoshima or someplace like that. It was lovely. This song brought out a whole new side of me, in a lot of different ways. Like, “Hanabi” allowed me to be on TV nationwide and release an album, but the public image of me being this super cheerful girl with a bob cut who wore used jeans stuck. People were always saying that it didn’t seem like I ever had any troubles. I thought it was a pretty good thing to be seen that way. In my mind, if I was making people smile, then maybe that was just fine; I was lucky. But I do worry, and cry, and get mad, and sometimes I feel sad. I feel like I was able to express that in this song. Writing the line “Don’t ever think that I’m always cheerful” instantly made things so much easier for me. I wanted to be closer to the girls who’ve had this happen to them too. I personally feel that writing that one phrase, and then including the song on the album, is what made “Natsufuku” complete. I can’t thank Kawabe enough, seriously. I’ve told him ‘thank you’ a million times and it’s still not enough. I wonder how he’s doing?

☑ Ame Fumu Overall

I love overalls. Really, I do. I’m pretty much as small as they come and can never find my size though, so they’re always big on me. I used to love dressing in super baggy clothes, which meant the hems got wet any time it rained. That’s what got me to write this song. It was already kinda cold out and I was feeling down because I had just had my heart broken. Like, “Ahh… I wish I could just disappear…” I wrote this song in Shounai out in Toyonaka, Osaka after something really terrible had happened to me. The song features a key change in the chorus after the B melody. “Bold choice, there,” people said to me in the beginning. I never like, calculate where I’m going with a song when I do key changes though, so I didn’t really know what to say when people asked why I added in a key change there. I would just say, “Hm, why indeed.” (laughs)

☑ Aspara See ‘Hatsukoi’ single liner notes

☑ Boyfriend See ‘Boyfriend’ single liner notes

☑ Hatsukoi See ‘Hatsukoi’ single liner notes

☑ Natsufuku

I wrote this song while we were recording, on the piano in the second studio at Hitokuchizaka. I told them I’d written a song I wanted them to listen to and they said it sounded good, but we were in the final stages of recording. “We’ve already got enough,” they told me. “Then let’s make it a bonus track!” I said. I almost always write my songs at home. I’ve never really written songs anywhere else, but I always manage to write a song any time I play the piano during my free time at Hitokuchizaka Studio. Oftentimes I’m able to come up with a completely different kind of song because I’m in a different environment. For this one, I wrote the entire lyrics and melody in the studio on the grand piano in this tiny little room at Hitokuchizaka. I wrote it all in one goーit came together super quickly. I don’t think I spent more than maybe 15 or 20 minutes on it tops. When I come up with a song, I’m able to write it super quick. The title of the song was set in stone as “Natsufuku”, but still hadn’t decided what to call the album then. I said, “Alright, I know we made it a bonus track, but why not go with ‘Natsufuku’?” They wouldn’t play the title track on the radio if it were a bonus track though, and that wouldn’t work for a title track. You know how there’s a specific day in school for changing the uniform? It always felt a little bittersweet to me, seeing the guy I liked change into the summer uniform or the winter uniform. It felt like I was seeing a part of them I never knew about. It always would make me feel like I’d been left behind. The same went for my friends, too. Seeing everyone changing while I was still wearing the old uniform was an extremely lonely thing to experience. I wanted to express that sort of sadness you feel when you’re in love, too. The turning point from winter clothes to summer clothes in particular really brings out that feeling of heartbreak in me. Really, it doesーthe words ‘winter clothes’ and ‘summer clothes’ make me so sad. I guess it just… reminds me of being in school. It really breaks my heart to see my crush wearing a scarf, ‘cause I feel like I’ve seen something about them I didn’t know. I get really wistful. I’m the one playing the piano on this track, right after “Bob”. I get nervous doing that because of how excited I get. We also placed the microphone so that it’s taking in everything all at once: one microphone in the middle of the grand piano, capturing everything on a single mic rather than setting out a mic for vocals. We went out of our way to record it like that because I wanted it to sound like I was playing by myself in a little room.

[bnrobertson1]

The Unexpected Tutelage of Cuphead

Lot of Life Knowledge in those cups. 

I am not a fan of horror movies. Sure, I almost always like them when I find myself watching them, but that usually takes a Herculean effort of an enthusiastic friend or a total lack of desire to drudge up an explanation why I don’t want to watch something called Happy Death Day 2U. The reason I don’t like them? Simple- life is terrifying enough as is, and seeing as I don’t like ruminating in fear with my precious free time, the idea of willingly being scared strikes me as preposterous.

While there are some “scary” games like the new Resident Evil*, for me the real parallel to scary movies in the video game world is difficult games. Most current video games are super user-friendly, oftentimes because the software developers want you to see the entirety of the thing they’ve spent hundreds of thousands of hours and hundreds of millions of dollars creating. In other words, they don’t want you to get pissed and bail without showing off what they spent a good chunk of their lives working on. And while I have played video games long enough to be pretty good at them (I’m not), I actually appreciate the lowering of the difficulty bar. Much like scary movies, I usually stray away from difficult games. Why? Again, simple- frustration ain’t welcome in my leisure time. I’m trying to enjoy myself, not get all red-faced and hurl hard plastic as a torrent of never-before-heard profanity gushes out of my mouth because I’m trying to defeat some recluse’s brainchild/ torture device.  

*A stone cold modern classic for the first hour alone

But, many hardcore* gamers find modern games’ user- friendliness/ forgiveness to be insulting to their cheesy-dusted core. Many of this ilk were raised in the original Nintendo-era, where difficulty was praised and games like Ninja Gaiden and Battletoads were designed to be essentially impossible to defeat, thus making it a bragging-worthy accomplishment if you could.   

*Bathe in the irony of me using a pornographic term to describe a gamer 

But, as video games started to expand their audience, many of these Capital G Gamers who loved the feeling of accomplishment that accompanied victory over insanely hard games were kind of forgotten, given “Hard” modes on otherwise easy games to satiate their thirst for difficulty, but that’s about it. After being avoided for what to them must have felt like ions, things finally began to change when games like the rebooted Ninja Gaiden and the fetishized Dark Soul franchises started catering to those who those studs who think replacing l3tt3rs with numb3rs is cool and that the best games are the ones that only those with superhuman focus and tenacity can defeat. 

Enter: Cuphead. A long-in-development indie game that looks like a gorgeously* animated WW 2-era cartoon a la Betty Boop or Woody Woodpecker yet is as difficult as finding a WiFi hotspot during the Great Depression. A simple shooter, the game does an excellent job of drawing you in with its eye-popping looks and catchy soundtrack before it intentionally overwhelms you. Because it’s you, a literal cup of coffee whose only offense is a finger-gun (seriously) and the ability to jump, fighting enemies so large their eyeballs fill the screen. To put it politely, you’re fucked.     

*And buddy, it is one seriously gorgeous game. One of the things that keeps you playing is the desire to see all of the peerless art and monster design    

Again, it’s you:

Versus (that’s you in the little red airplane- everything that’s glowing will kill you instantly, but that’s a good life lesson within itself):

Again, fucked. And that’s one of the earliest bosses. Just about everything on screen kills you, and there are no checkpoints from which you can start over. It often takes several consecutive minutes of flawless playing to even make a dent. But amongst all the gorgeous ass-kicking chaos, the game does something profound on the sly: it gives you hope.

I realize this sounds silly- hope, arguably existence’s sweetest gift, is given by a game where Asperger’s is almost a prerequisite to win? But it’s true. 

At 35, I’m at the age where I doubt that most things can or will change. Sure, shoes look different, the popularity of some philosophies surge then retract, the younger get old who in turn die, but much of life is being reminded that real human change simply does not happen. Socially awkward at 15? Probably won’t be much different at 45. Addictive personality? Better find a healthy outlet because the addictive part probably ain’t going anywhere. Planning on writing the Great American Novel? Drinking like the other millions who tried that is much more likely. Want to pick up a language in your 30s? Maybe an instrument? Good luck, those parts of your brain stopped working while you were cursing at the iPod speaker because it wasn’t playing Master of Puppets loud enough after that gin bucket incident. 

The more life’s inevitable stasis solidifies in the brain, the more harrowing it is- the more dangerous the feeling of defeat and despair become. Grand realizations and epiphanies start feeling like the stuff of fiction. Things perpetually prove pointless, because if you can’t change, what exactly is the point of existence? The one thing you know for sure that does change is our planet’s resources (they dwindle) as we march- or should I say sail- to our doom.  

“Hold it right there, Mr. Goth McDowner,” Cuphead whispers at you after about an hour of play. 

Because not being good at Cuphead is exactly what you should be once you start playing it. Failure is certain. You die all the time. Like within seconds, over and over and over. You’ve got a gnat’s chance against a windshield. Fail. Fail. Fail.  

But while Cuphead first appears to be the masochist’s wet dream, you realize that why everything still overwhelms and doom as is certain as time itself, you’re- somehow- getting better. Slowly, sure. In most instances, you’re not even sure how. It’s almost imperceptible when it isn’t imperceptible. But, sure enough, keep at it, and you will improve.

And that is the direct result of Cuphead’s design. For while it is hard- easily one of the hardest games I actually enjoyed playing- it is never cheap. The game doesn’t want to defeat you with bullshit tactics like games from the 80s. Much like the loving, hardass parents everybody probably needs, It wants you to get better, and is more than willing to kick your ass to get you there. How does it do both? By subtly encouraging you through how it is made. Getting better boils down to two things: sharpening your hand-eye coordination and muscle memory*, and recognizing patterns that start simple but become supremely sophisticated, ranging from the speed of enemies to knowing the exact positions where the 12,000 objects flying at you will miss you by a millipixel. Nothing truly random ever occurs, so you won’t have to bear the true indignity of finding meaning in a game you’ve played for dozens of hours about coffee cups cheap deaths (or cheap wins) just when you’re about to see that sweet, sweet Victory! screen. The game also does something genius when it comes to letting you know you’re progressing: Every time you lose, a timeline appears where you see how close you were to victory. 

*Sorry, A.I., but that one requires practice, which means dying. A lot. 

Plus, it’s just funny to lose to characters from the 30′s who then insult you with Vaudevillian trash talk. None of them have voices, but I like to think they all sound like the Penguin from Adam West’s Batman. 

At first this seems boisterous if not barbaric in the worst possible way- a na na nee boo boo for the Switch generation. It quickly proves to be just the thing you need to see that you are in fact making progress. Yes, it makes some of the frustrations sting a lot more (I was this close). But it also gives you hope (I was this close). It’s the first time I’ve seen such a mechanic in a game, and I will be amazed if it is the last.

Eventually, after you’ve beaten the Robot that has been giving you a headache for the better part of 10 hours, a weird feeling may hit you like it hit me: not accomplishment- although that is most certainly present- but hope. Hope that if you are willing to be persistent, you will get better. Sure, that’s not an guarantee, but one thing is for sure: you can’t improve- in this game, in life- if you quit.  Persistence is the best quality a person can have, as it is pretty much the only one they can control. Why? Because hope- the beautiful thing that makes happy people happy-  is the fruit of persistence. And the truly ingenious thing about Cuphead is that its design encourages such epiphanies. Not bad for $20. 

Does constant failure suck? Speaking as an ad writer and more generally as a person I can tell you from experience that yes it indeed does. It’s humbling. It can be crippling. It’s demoralizing. But if you’re willing to fail with both feet, you will get better. At least sometimes.  And if you don’t, just remember to not chuck your Switch in the lake.