#but of course sometimes you cant see how your maladapted brain is contributing to your own suffering until you start suffering less </3 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jay-catsby · 2 years ago

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making Realizations about recovery again aka "wow THAT'S how fucked up my life used to be?? damn"

anyway i can recognize now that i have this pattern where if im running in high-stress mode for a week or so, when all of the immediate stressors end, my brain is so accustomed to functioning through the constant deafening press of being stressed out that i just get kinda stuck. so like tonight i had nothing i needed to do, but i couldnt fully take a break effectively, because no break activity can match the overwhelming loudness my brain had gotten used to. and NOW, almost a year in on medication, im going to go to bed, get up tomorrow, and be able to kind of reset back down into a more reasonable level of relaxed productivity. whereas what i used to do was either manufacture crises to stay permanently in high-stress mode (<- bad for you) or get stuck in no-break-no-work mode (<- also bad!) until stuff built up enough to kick me back into crisis mode. wow.

#if only i could have seen that pattern and articulated it to my therapist!#instead of dragging my exhausted corpse to her office every week to sit on the couch and just tell her that i hated my life #which like. of course i did. college and i were doing a fantastic job making my life hellish!#but of course sometimes you cant see how your maladapted brain is contributing to your own suffering until you start suffering less </3 #n e way. huge w for medication once again

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