#but of course sometimes you cant see how your maladapted brain is contributing to your own suffering until you start suffering less </3

[jay-catsby]

making Realizations about recovery again aka "wow THAT'S how fucked up my life used to be?? damn"

anyway i can recognize now that i have this pattern where if im running in high-stress mode for a week or so, when all of the immediate stressors end, my brain is so accustomed to functioning through the constant deafening press of being stressed out that i just get kinda stuck. so like tonight i had nothing i needed to do, but i couldnt fully take a break effectively, because no break activity can match the overwhelming loudness my brain had gotten used to. and NOW, almost a year in on medication, im going to go to bed, get up tomorrow, and be able to kind of reset back down into a more reasonable level of relaxed productivity. whereas what i used to do was either manufacture crises to stay permanently in high-stress mode (<- bad for you) or get stuck in no-break-no-work mode (<- also bad!) until stuff built up enough to kick me back into crisis mode. wow.