#but of course my ass also add a fuck ton of hot sauce in it too

[galariangengar]

Canon Latino event: eating hot soup on a hot summer day

[docholligay]

Clueless non-cooking American-raised answer: what even is a pot roast? Like, it's a phrase I saw in books sometimes, I think? But I don't really know what it means in terms of what it does to the meat and I have no idea if I've eaten it. (Basically this is me saying that I'm pretty sure plenty of your teenagers will have no idea.)

I need you to know, and I mean this in a very loving teasing sort of way, I legitimately laughed out loud at "What even is a pot roast?"

I'm using your ask to thank everyone for their VERY helpful comments, and yes, a lot of the appeal for me of doing the pot roast is that it's really easy, reasonably priced for a beef dish, but looks nice and the leftovers are FABULOUSLY reusable in a variety of ways, which for me is the big thing--I remember when I was experiencing food insecurity the thing I hated the MOST was eating leftovers for several days in a row, because it was cheaper to make a LOT of one thing. I think everyone who has experienced a rough go of things has certain things that remind them so powerfully of the experience that it sets them off in ways that are admittedly goofy, and mine is eating leftovers. HATE.

ANYWAY, pot roast! It's easy, sexy, and can be had very cheaply, especially if you manage to shop a sale!

POT ROAST

What you need is a cheap cut of meat--there's no "pot roast cut" but what you usually want to use are the tough cheap cuts that work really well for long cooking, so your rump roasts, your chuck roasts (usually what I buy), a 7 bone roast if you have a roaster big enough makes MARVELOUS pot roast and the bones make EXCEPTIONAL broth afterward. I used to recommend brisket, because brisket used to be cheap before every useless-ass barbecue dad decided that he wanted to be ~special and skilled~ but still just make MEAT instead of learning to cook pastry or something LIKE A LADY and so went and bought a Traeger to use to make subpar wastes of beef 3 times a year. SO brisket's expensive now.

Cheap cut of meat --no less than 3 pounds

beef broth (2 cups, save the other 2 cups for later in the week)

I can't tell the kids to use a heavy brown ale, but use a can of heavy brown ale. Alternatively, red wine is the classic choice, but I'm happiest with my brown ale.

Tomato paste (save the rest of the can for beef stroganoff later in the week)

seasoning: I'm going to have to figure out how to simplify, simplify for these kids without many resources, so I list these from contribute the most to contribute the least

- salt and pepper

-thyme

Worcestershire sauce

-bay leaf

-rosemary

-of course you can fuck around with whatever it is you like!

Sliced onions

potatoes cut into big chunks (Yukon golds do best)

Carrots cut into big chunks

Mushrooms are also very good in this

about 2 tbsp butter and 4 tbsp flour(ish)

Equipment: a dutch oven or deep roaster, depending on what you have and the size of your roast.

1. Heat your oven to 325. Low and slow is the way we're going here. This doesn't take a ton of ACTIVE time, but it takes a lot of cooking time.

2. Put salt and pepper all over your roast. Lightly dust it with about half of your flour. (When I do this for the teens, I will explain WHY we're doing all this to help teach them techniques they can hopefully crossapply) Then toss your dutch oven or roaster on the stovetop, and throw some olive oil or canola oil or whatever the fuck you have in that bad boy. Sear on all sides, with a nice deep golden crust. Take it out of the pan and toss it on a plate for a minute.

3. Put your onions in the pan and saute them, remembering to give them a little salt. Deglazing time! Throw your can of ale (or cup of red wine if you're a traditionalist) into the pan, making sure to scrape up the bits of detritus on the bottom of the pan, that's where the good stuff is.

4. Toss the beef broth and all of your flavorings in the pot. Set the roast back in the pot.

5. Cover with the lid, or tin foil, depending on what you've got. Toss it in the oven for about an hour and forty five minutes. Play video games! Read a book! Do chores! Whatever! The great thing about this is that so much of the cook time doesn't involve you at all.

6. After the time has passed, put the root vegetables into the pan with the roast, making sure to nestle them around and get good braising action in the liquid. Cover it back up and put it back into the oven for ROUGHLY one and a half to two hours. The great thing about this is YOU DON'T USE A THERMOMETER. (another reason I picked it) You cook it until it's fork tender! That is, easily flakes with a fork.

7. Take it out of the pot when its done and shred it with forks, knives, your hands. Put you pot back on the stovetop, we're going to make gravy.

8. Make a thickening paste--take your butter and flour and mash it into a paste, and then add that to the pot, cooking for a few minutes to thicken (You can also use cornstarch to thicken, if you prefer. Remember cornstarch CANNOT be added straight to hot liquids, and has to be mixed with a bit of water first)

9. Serve! Put some meat and vegetables on a plate and cover with gravy. Some people choose to put all the meat back into the pot and coat with gravy before serving--I don't like to do that because I feel it limits my leftover options.

[kissmyshnymetalass]

Military Transition Information

Sections:

-          Actual GOMOR

-          REFRAD

-          SFL-TAP

-          Resources

-          General Separation Tips

-          Job Hunting and Resume

-          LinkedIn

-          Other Job Hunting Sites (ZipRecruiter/Clearance Jobs/etc)

-          Certifications

ACTUAL GOMOR Nothing to say about this really. It is what it is. You can’t fight it. My parents hired some hot shot civilian lawyer who was horribly expensive but there wasn’t anything he could do about it. Ultimately it all comes down to the fact that it isn’t LAW. It is UCMJ and there’s nothing to fight. Your command team has that power. They just do. It is pure bullshit. It drives me crazy. You could try writing your congress person or the army times to put the spotlight on unfair, maddening, preposterous nonsense judgmental decisions but…otherwise you’re boned. My recommendation is to keep your head down and try not to freak out. When my battalion commander told me it would be permanently filed I had a total rage glitch and yelled at him. Did not improve my position, ha. See if you can get moved to another battalion or brigade. That’s a big ask because you’re now branded. But if anyone is still in your corner (a Battalion XO or S3 or even a S1 who is respected and will advocate for you. Maybe the Brigade FSO if you have a good reputation) it can give you breathing room to no longer be in that environment. I had pull with division and was able to get onto staff up there after my flag was lifted. They knew I was only there to transition and were really cool about it- your mileage may vary. REFRAD

The first step is to get a copy of the REFRAD packet. It is mainly memos. Your S1 should have a copy. Then clarify what gates it has to hit (Battalion to Brigade to Division to Installation to HRC I’m pretty sure) and who the people are. You can do this while you’re flagged (if you’re flagged which I assume you are). You can’t submit until you’re unflagged but you can do drafts and send them to the S1 to get corrections. I’d let your command know of your intent to separate if you have any kind of ability to talk to them and let them know you’d appreciate if they could sign this stuff right away. I made it overwhelmingly clear that I disagreed with their handling of the situation and would like to just get out of there as fast as possible. They obliged by signing everything without the “required” counseling sessions.

I submitted mine on like July 6th or 7th and received my approval from HRC O/A 20 August but had to hand walk it. Basically had to call the S1 shop at Battalion every day until they routed to Brigade. Then the same thing with Brigade. Then with Installation. Etc. It is just best to be a pain in the ass about it because otherwise it can get stuck at a gate and require corrections and you’ll just never know about it because S1 sucks, ha. After you get your approval from HRC you still have to wait to get clearing papers and orders. That can take a while. I’m pretty sure I had my orders 9-10 days after getting approval and was given clearing papers six working days before my final out (which was around 16 October). SFL-TAP SFL-TAP was stupid but you may see benefits. There were a couple of contractors hunting for separating Soldiers so you maybe you’ll meet someone like that. Otherwise SFL-TAP went over pretty basic stuff like “consider benefits in addition to salary when job hunting” or “here’s what to wear.” It was FINE. But I wouldn’t say that officers are really the target audience. They will expose you to a few transition assistance programs which could be helpful though. Like I think there is a Microsoft administrator course that is 3-4 months you can do that SFL-TAP can give you info about. Other things like credentialing programs, certification courses, job fairs, etc. I did not use any of these services but I have heard they can be helpful. RESOURCES YOU WILL HEAR ABOUT, YMMV ACP Partnerships. American Corporate Partners. Basically you can apply on their website and they can hook you up with a mentor in your preferred field. I did this and it was fine. I received a mentor but she wasn’t super helpful. I think your experience really depends on your mentor. I’ve heard from others that their mentors are awesome. The nice thing about this is that they assign you a mentorship manager and that person will be very aggressive about providing you with resources (interview prep, resume reviewer, etc)

Corporate Fellowship Program. You can visit hiringourheroes.org. They can basically set you up with a corporate internship. Usually reserved for service members who are going to stay geographically close to their installation. Once again, I did not use this service but I have heard GREAT things and have a close friend who participated and she raves about it. Cameron Brooks/other junior officer recruitment companies. I did Cameron Brooks for a few months. I did not tell them about the GOMOR, ha. Didn’t mention the flag at all. They won’t call your command or anything so I just viewed it as keeping non-essential information to myself. It was also fine. It is free. They will give you books to read and counsel you and do interview prep and everything. It is a nice service. They told me they only “accept the best” as clients. Probably not true so don’t let them convince you they are some secret sauce. They just have a very codified approach. I have heard from others that they can land you in a good job but most are in less desirable locations (like the mid-west. Or Kansas). If you are afraid of transitioning this is kind of nice. Like having a bossy older brother who “knows a guy.” Other Useful “Leaving the Army” Tips Make sure you have a log in to mypay set up. Once you final out your CAC won’t work anywhere. Forward yourself anything in your military email that you may need or want. Download your medical records. Set up a DS login. Stuff like that. I lost a lot because I never did it. Oh well. But learn from my experience, ha. Print off your clothing record and do CIF prep now. At my last installation they wouldn’t make me a CIF appointment until the last six workdays I was in the Army and I had to go back three or four times and it was stressful. Do your homework and equipment cleaning now. All in all it wasn’t too bad. Military surplus stores will work with you. The one near me let me take what I needed from them for free (like a sleeping mat, grenade pouch and ACU print assault pack) with the agreement that once I was cleared I would give them all remaining equipment I had. They made out big in that deal because after a decade I had a ton of shit. Do all the basics. Clean your stuff, get rid of tape residue, etc. Job Hunting and Resumes Oh job hunting. You son of a bitch. First things first, get LinkedIn. Get Premium. I’m pretty sure you can do this for free as a service member but I’m not sure how. I will go into way more LinkedIn detail in a moment. I started job hunting in August. It took three months to find a job. It was NOT easy. You need to write a resume. There are countless agencies who will review it for you for free. There is certainly someone in your SFL-TAP staff who will review your resume. Don’t worry- they will broadcast who they are. I’m sure if you reached out now they could send you examples and review your stuff. Get a lot of eyes on it. Friends, parents, those who have transitioned. If you have any friends in HR have them look at it. De-militarize it. You need to be submitting applications every day. I had a goal to apply to at least one job every day and generally applied to 3 or 5 each day. I applied to 200-300 jobs easily. I received rejections from around 100. The others didn’t even bother letting me know. Of those applications I had the most luck if I went to their LinkedIn page and found someone in HR and introduced myself and offered to provide any additional information. I scheduled around 12 interviews and made it to the second round for 4. Was ultimately offered two jobs in the same week at my price point but it took work.

Find recruiters on LinkedIn. Basically you can search for recruiters in your preferred area. Just add them. Add whoever. And send them an email. I did this and probably met with 10-15 recruiters. None of them were able to place me but talking to them was good. They can help you figure out how to present your skill sets and will send you resumes to review/copy and will sometimes review your resume for you. They WANT to place you because that’s what makes them money so don’t feel weird about reaching out to them. Talking to them is also good general interview prep because they ask most of the same questions an interviewing company would ask.

When applying for a specific job read the posting and then incorporate as many of the words they use IN THE FORMAT THEY USE THEM into your resume. They will almost certainly filter your application through a software designed to separate those totally unqualified. For instance, if you hold a project management certification and on your resume you write PMP Certified but in the job description they say “Project management professional certification preferred” then go back to your resume and change PMP to Project Management Professional.

Biggest piece of advice here is Don’t Give Up. It is soul crushing. You will feel panicked and shitty and underqualified. That’s normal from what I hear. Don’t marry yourself to the first job. I’ve heard from professional recruiters that companies are more likely to hire a veteran after he/she has successfully held a civilian job for one year after separation. My advice would be to accept a job that pays you fairly for the security and reassess after a year. There’s absolutely no problem with changing jobs later. LinkedIn Fuck you, LinkedIn. LinkedIn is such bullshit. But civilians are rock fucking hard for it. So get a LinkedIn. Make sure everything is up to date. Have a picture- NOT a military picture. The same boring one everyone has on LinkedIn. You’re wearing a tie. You’re smiling like a goober. Write all the bullshit nonsense about how you’re a trendsetter and a problem solver and an out of the box thinker. Really sell yourself. Make connections. Make as many connections as you can. For some reason you seem more hireable when you have a ton of connections. Find recruiters and add them. Find people who are doing the thing you want to do in the city you want to do it in and add them. Interact with people. It is all a show but just do it because that’s the game and the prize for winning the game is a nice salary and a successful transition. Find all of the companies who typically hire vets if you’re interested in that. Deloitte, Raytheon, Leidos, Lockheed Martin, etc. Most recruiters associated with these organizations put out content regularly that’s aimed at transitioning service members. They will host classes and online information sessions. Attend them. Follow the advice of the recruiters. All advise basically boils down to market yourself, make connections, expand your network, tailor your resume, follow up in a personal way to applications (contacting HR people or recruiters within the company), send out resumes daily, interview well, repeat, repeat, repeat.

Get premium so you can see who looks at your profile. Other Job Hunting Sites/Resources I actually got my job using ZipRecruiter, not LinkedIn. So I would definitely use ZipRecruiter. You can use ClearanceJobs if you have a clearance. You should go to whichever state you want to work in’s website as well because they’ll post local jobs (like working as a project manager for the department of transportation in Kentucky or whatever). I received a few interviews (well, 2) doing this. I think because it is kind of a pain in the ass to apply that way. Look at universities and hospitals in your preferred area. Often the jobs they post don’t make it onto other sites. Follow companies you’d like to work for on LinkedIn. Sometimes organizations will advertise openings that don’t make it to the LinkedIn job search function for some reason. Instead they’ll make a post about an opening and the link will take you directly to their website. Certifications Probably didn’t need this whole section but…get certs. They both matter and they don’t matter. I don’t think my certs really helped me get my job but they certainly didn’t hurt. PMP (as aforementioned) is a big one.

[flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash]

Irresistible Danger - Part 48

Synopsis:  After being caught outside the compound on your own, Negan decides to punish you in the best way possible ;)

Masterlist for previous chapters

Author: http://flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash.tumblr.com/

I also have this up on AO3 , Wattpad, and FF.net

Characters: Negan x female reader

Words: 4,645

Warnings: nsfw, swearing, smut (!!!)

A Midnight Snack

The two of you moved in sync around the kitchen, as for the first time in a while you were demoted to assistant chef, while Negan took over. You helped him fetch needed items, getting a wooden spoon out of a drawer here and pulling out some spices there. He took his cooking skills seriously, gently barking out orders when he needed help, while you obtained the proper items and observed his sauce-making process with interest. When he seemed to have things mostly under control, you grabbed two place settings, arranging the silverware and glasses of water at the kitchen island sitting in the middle of the tiled room.

 Leaning a hip against the counter next to the stove, you watched as Negan stirred the sauce in a steady, counterclockwise direction. He looked sexy as hell, and you wondered why more men weren’t so open about their cooking abilities. Didn’t they realize how attractive it was to watch a man, who usually tried to act tough and serious, delicately dice garlic and add just the right amount of spices? Or maybe it was just attractive to you? Either way, it was arousing to watch.

 He brought the spoon up to his mouth, tasting the sauce and licking his lips. Considering the flavor for a moment, he then grabbed the black pepper from the counter and grinded some into the pot, before resuming his steady stirring. Your stomach gave another growl at the tangy, delicious smell of the sauce, and you didn’t hesitate when he lifted the spoon out of the pot again, this time bringing it towards you. His other hand cupped underneath it, ready to catch any drops that might fall.

 He put the end of the spoon up to your mouth, and you tasted the sauce, licking your own lips and giving a nod of approval.

 “Holy crap, that’s delicious!”

 He smiled in response, pleased with your reaction. “Told ya spaghetti is my fucking specialty, doll.”

 With that, he grabbed the two plates of noodles, which you had reheated in the microwave, and spooned a liberal amount of the sauce out on top. Once the plates were settled back onto the counter, he tugged off the still-spotless apron and wadded it into a ball before tossing it back in the general direction of the neatly folded pile. You couldn’t even complain, not when your stomach was dragging you towards the food that awaited.

 The two of you took your plates over to the island and settled side by side on the barstools, grabbing your forks and eagerly digging in. You had no clue why Negan even bothered getting trays of food from the kitchen, since he was a damn fantastic cook on his own. You internally grinned at the thought of him coming down and helping you cook on a regular basis. Course, that probably wouldn’t be a very smart idea, since Ben might really lose his shit if Negan tried to take his spot as your assistant.

 Now that your hunger pangs were lessening, you broke the silence with a question. “So, was it you who also made the chocolate cake?”

 You glanced over in time to see his lips curl up slightly before he took another bite. “Nah, much as I’d love to take the credit, that was Ben and Simon.”

 You almost toppled right off the barstool at that. “Ben? AND Simon?”

 “Yea,” he said around a mouthful of spaghetti. “I think it was mostly Ben, but Simon said he ‘helped out’ by taste testing it when it was done, to make sure it turned out alright. I swear he’s gonna turn into a fucking cake one of these days, with that sweet tooth of his.”

 You grinned at the mental image of Ben trying to keep his cool and cook while alone with Simon. Oh yea, you were going to have a lot of fun teasing Ben about that one. The jerk hadn’t even hinted to you about the cake, although it now made sense why he had been so insistent on you looking nice for Negan and taking the date seriously.

 “So, is Simon sticking around for a while, then?” you questioned. You hoped so, for Ben’s sake.

 Twirling some spaghetti on his fork, Negan shifted on the stool so that his warm thigh pressed up against the length of yours. You weren’t sure if you found the gesture comforting or a turn on...was it possible for it to be both?

 “Yea, for the time being. Eventually I’ll probably send him back to an outpost, but for now, I figure I’ll let him stay here. All he could fucking talk about was the quality of the food, so if I make him leave so soon, he might commit a fucking mutiny on me for the chance at another round of ice cream.”

 You wondered if Simon was sticking around to make up for the loss of Dwight, who was apparently still in a cell, since you hadn’t seen him around. You thought of asking Negan about him, but didn’t want to ruin the moment. The two of you were in a happy little bubble, and you were unwilling to burst it quite yet.

 Once the plates were empty, minus some smears of sauce, you plucked them and the silverware off the counter and walked over to the sink, Negan following behind with the empty glasses of water. You grabbed a rag and turned on the faucet, starting to wash the dirty dishes. Negan automatically came up on your right, and you barely hid your surprise at the sight of a dish towel in his hands. Deciding not to make a comment, you grabbed the detergent and started on the first plate.

 When you had scrubbed each dish until it was spotless, and rinsed it of soap suds, you handed them off to Negan to dry, giving him verbal directions as to which cupboard or drawer each dish went back in. The situation felt so domestic that it almost didn’t seem real. If only the compound could see their powerful leader now, holding a damp dish towel and putting away forks and spoons.

 When the dishes were finished, you went over to the counter island, wiping the surface of any evidence that someone had been there. Glancing over your shoulder, you froze at the sight of Negan leaning back against the front of the sink, eyes locked down on the movements of your ass as you scrubbed at the countertop. At your ceased movement, he trailed his gaze back up to your face.

 “We really need to get you some new fucking pants,” he drawled.

 You realized that he was referring to the tear across the back of your upper thigh, and turned to face him with a cocked eyebrow. “I thought we already had this conversation, about how there isn’t a dress code here.”

 He stood up from the sink, eyes gleaming with possessive lust. “Yea, well, those should be fucking illegal to wear in public. In fact, I’m not sure I like the idea of you wearing them around anyone that isn’t me.”

 You rolled your eyes at the same time that a spark of desire started in the pit of your stomach. “Really? All over a little flash of thigh? Careful, your caveman tendencies are showing,” you teased.

 Rather than respond, he started across the tiles, intent clear on his face. Instinctually moving backwards, you navigated around the edge of the counter, putting the island between the two of you. Rather than deter him, his expression became even more intense, as he rounded the corner without any hesitation and strode purposefully towards you.

 “Why you runnin’, Red? I thought you wanted to see what big teeth I had.”

 The spark of desire had officially turned into a small inferno that coursed over your skin, despite the total inappropriateness of the setting.

 “Negan! I work in here!”

 “So?” he parried. “I work in my office, but that doesn’t mean I don’t plan on fucking you across my desk in the near future.”

 Unable to contain the gasp that left your lips at the mental image his words created, your body went up in flames as he skirted the last corner and closed the distance between you. His hand came up to wrap around the back of your neck, as he pulled your face up and into him and captured your lips in an unbreakable kiss. Any and all potential resistance left the building at the feel of his mouth against yours.

 The pace was more hurried this time, as he ran his hands down over your sides and cupped your ass in the tight jeans. You moaned into his mouth and lifted a leg to wrap around his hip, trying to meld your body as close to his as physically possible. If you had thought that sleeping with him would diminish some of your lust, you had been sorely mistaken. If anything, it was worse now...since you knew exactly what Negan’s fingers and mouth and cock were capable of.

 He pushed you back against the counter, the edge digging slightly into your lower back, as his mouth left yours and trailed down to your throat, while his fingers flicked open the button on your jeans. You whimpered and grabbed onto the back of his head, fingers tightening in his hair when he nipped at your sensitive flesh. He panted against your skin, giving a low growl when you used the thigh at his hip to arch your pelvis up into his.

 “Jesus, doll, you’re so fucking hot.”

 You rolled your hips into his again, and he gave an honest-to-god snarl, before you felt strong hands at your waist lifting you up off the floor, your ass landing on the cold countertop. He practically tore the jeans down your legs, sneakers and denim hitting the floor to leave you bare from the waist down, before he tugged your shirt over your head. Before you had even had a chance to process his actions, you found yourself naked, spread out on the counter where you and the rest of the kitchen staff usually ate together. Negan was still fully dressed, and you were incredibly turned on by that juxtaposition. Leaning back on your elbows, legs dangling off the edge of the table, you waited to see what he would do next.

 His eyes raked over you like a full-body caress, starting at the top of your head and moving down over your face, which most likely was sporting lust-glazed eyes, flushed cheeks, and a panting, open mouth with lips swollen from his kisses. He moved down over your chest, the curve of your breasts thrusting forward enticingly in this position, then took in the dip of your waist and the curve of your hips. He paused for a long moment at the juncture of your thighs, although your legs were currently pressed together so he probably couldn’t see too much, before he trailed down over your legs, ending with a glance at your toes.

 When he finally lifted his gaze back up to your own, you were practically panting from anticipation, ready to beg him to take off his own clothes or touch you or just do something. Instead, he used another weapon at his disposal, and started talking.

 “Do you have any idea how fucking beautiful you look? I’m no artist, but I sure as fuck would give anything for an easel and some paint right now.”

 Trying to keep yourself from melting into a puddle on the floor, you lightly kicked a dangling foot back and forth, and saucily quipped, “There’s a pen and notepad in one of the drawers.”

 His heated gaze stayed on yours, lips curling up into a slight smirk as he stepped up between your legs and closed the distance between your bodies. You gasped at the sensation of his still-clothed body pressed up against your own bare flesh. The fabric of his pants scratched sensually against your inner thighs, and your hands ran up over his shoulders, feeling the hard muscles underneath the soft cotton of his shirt.

 He leaned down and whispered in your ear, “If you’re still able to sass me, then I obviously need to step up my fucking game.”

 You shivered at the puffs of warm breath on your ear, his sexy-as-hell voice escalating your arousal so that your thighs tightened around him automatically. You didn’t even care what words came out of his mouth, so long as he kept talking to you in that sinfully low gravel.

 He chuckled, the vibrations making hair stand up on the back of your neck. “Someone’s awfully eager. If I wasn’t certain I had already fucked you to exhaustion earlier, I might almost be offended, doll. But, I think it’s just that you still want me that...fucking...much.” The last few words were said between nips to your earlobe and a rough kiss to the underside of your jaw.

 “Oh, god,” you gasped, eyes fluttering closed as your fingers pulled frantically at his shirt, wanting him naked, as well. You couldn’t ever remember being turned on by a man this quickly, nor being so ready to scream in frustration strictly from the sound of a man’s voice.  

 “What’s the matter, doll?” he purred, reaching up and tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, before trailing his fingers down over the front of your chest. “Tell daddy what you want.”

 On some level, you realized that he had probably thrown out the ‘daddy’ comment as a joke, or as a way to throw you off balance and make you toss back some sarcastic retort. And, before meeting Negan, you would’ve done just that, or probably even been totally turned off by it.

 So why the hell did the words instead cause moisture to rush between your thighs and an involuntary whimper to leave your lips?

 He stilled above you, obviously as surprised as you were by your reaction. Refusing to open your eyes and see his expression, especially since you would die of mortification if he had an arrogant smirk on his face right now, you instead changed the focus entirely by reaching forward and palming the erection that was pressing into you through his pants. When he let out a groan in response, you knew the distraction had worked.

 He pulled his hips back out of reach, and before you could complain, his mouth started a downward trail, stopping to suck and lick your breasts until the nipples were hard and shining with saliva. But he didn’t stop there.

 It took until his mouth was moving down over your stomach, teeth nipping at your hip bone, before you realized his intent. Eyes flying open, you looked down the front of your body, elbows almost giving out at the sight of his face hovering right over your wet cunt. Using two fingers, he spread your lips, exposing the gathered moisture to the cool air, his eyes fixated on the sight. Before you could decide whether or not to be embarrassed by his close scrutiny, he lifted his gaze and locked eyes with you, the breath rushing out of your lungs at the amber flames that pinned you to the counter. Without looking away, he raised your legs up so that the back of your thighs were resting on his cotton-covered shoulders, before lowering his face and pressing his mouth into you.

 At the first touch of his tongue, you immediately broke eye contact, head falling backwards with a moan as he licked you from ass to clit. He gave a low groan that vibrated all through your body before licking again, this time dipping his tongue inside of you, as if trying to gather up as much of the wetness as he could. Your elbows officially lost the battle, your upper back falling to the cool counter as your hips arched up into his face, unsure if they wanted to get away from the overwhelming, yet heavenly, sensations or press closer.

 He wrapped both his arms around your thighs, hands hard on your hips to anchor you in place. His tongue slipped through your folds before latching onto your clit this time, and he gave it a light suck that caused you to whine and struggle helplessly in his grasp.

 “Fuck...oh, fuck, Negan!” you moaned, one hand scrabbling helplessly at the slippery surface of the counter, while the other one reached down, nails digging into his wrist for stability. Between his words earlier and now this, it was obvious that Negan’s mouth had been created solely for the purpose of driving women wild. And he knew it.

 After what could’ve been a few moments or a few minutes of the delicious torture (time had no meaning to you, at this point), he upped the intensity by freeing his wrist from your death grip and bringing the hand down between your thighs. Slowly pushing two fingers deep inside you, he hooked them on the spot that caused you to almost bow right off the counter. His tongue continued to swirl around your clit as his lips sucked lightly, in counterpoint to the steady pace of his fingers moving in and out, rubbing against that magical spot inside of you with each thrust.

 When he latched onto your clit and shook his head quickly back and forth with a groan, you were done for, body convulsing as the orgasm washed over you like a tidal wave, leaving you drenched and trembling and utterly wrecked.

 You were still coming down from the high, heart pounding and out of breath, as he kissed his way down your inner thigh, rubbing his beard on your sensitive flesh like a cat. Pushing weakly at his head, you twisted away from the overwhelming sensations. He lifted his head, eyes coasting up over your still-trembling and sweat-covered body, before he fixed you with an arrogant smirk.

 “Sensitive, doll?”

 You wanted to say something sarcastic, but you couldn’t even find the energy needed to cock an eyebrow at him, let alone form words, so instead opted for aggressively panting in his direction and giving a half-hearted mental response of ‘asshole’.

 He chuckled, obviously pleased with his handiwork, and straightened up so that he was looming over you. His jaw clenched at the sight of you spread out before him, eyes scanning as if he were trying to memorize every detail. Finally finding some strength reservoirs, you sat up, using a hand around the back of his neck to pull his mouth down to yours. The musky sweetness of him was overlaid with the taste of your own juices, and the concoction served to kickstart your desire all over again.

 Deciding that it was time to wipe the arrogant smile off his face, you reached forward and started undoing his belt. Once it was unbuckled, and the button and zipper were released, you reached within and pulled out his hard, weeping cock, giving it a firm stroke with your hand. His answering grunt caused heat to pool low in your stomach, and you used the precum leaking from the tip to coat his erection for a smoother stroke, giving an arrogant grin of your own when his hips canted forward into your grip. You both watched, mesmerized, while you stroked his erection as it bobbed between your legs over the countertop, encouraging groans of pleasure coming from the man above you.

 Pulling your gaze away from the sight, you looked up at him, taking in his flushed face and the vein straining along the side of his throat. Gone was the arrogant smirk, replaced with an open-mouthed look of pleasure, and you felt a rush of power at the thought that you could reduce him to this. You. And only you.  

 When his hips were uncontrollably twitching and his cock was an angry, deep red, he pulled away from your hold with a moan. Disappointment was quickly replaced with anticipation when he reached into the pocket of his jeans, which were now halfway down his thighs, and pulled out a condom. Sneaky bastard must’ve grabbed one before leaving his room. And, while you might’ve been a little miffed at his presumptuousness of how this kitchen adventure was going to end, you were also thankful that he had the foresight to be prepared, since you hadn’t thought to do so. Hell, after tonight, you should probably start keeping a condom in your bra at all times when around him, just in case.

 Quickly rolling on the condom, Negan pulled you down the counter by the hips, so that your ass was hanging precariously off the edge, supported only by him. Wrapping your legs around his waist for leverage, you clawed at his shirt, whispering, “Take it off.” He might not have fully removed his pants, but you’d be damned if he kept you from the glorious sight of his bare chest.

 Acquiescing, he reached up over his shoulder with one hand, fisting the material at his upper back and jerking the shirt up over his head. Licking your lips at the delicious expanse of tan skin and lean muscles, you tightened your thighs at his hips, frantically trying to draw him closer. There were no games or teasing now, just pure need, and you cried out with relief at the feel of his cock nudging between your wet folds.

 He entered you with a loud grunt, working his way deep in one, long thrust. You were surprised to find yourself already pushed close to another orgasm, and were grateful when he set up a deep and fast rhythm that reflected both of your urgent needs. He leaned forward, bracing his hands on the countertop at your hips, while your own hands reached up, one grabbing his bicep and the other curling into his chest hair. The sounds of your cries echoed loudly around the kitchen, but you were unaware of them, your world narrowed down to the feel of the man above and inside you, and the building pressure that was begging to be freed.

 It was the sound of your name growled in his deep, rough voice that sent you soaring, body tightening and breath hitching when the tension released. You called out his name as the pleasure broke apart within you, rolling over your flesh in waves and pulsing through your veins like fire. Distantly, you heard him moan with his own release as he shuddered above you and was thrown into the inferno of pleasure, as well.

 It took a few minutes for you both to cool down, Negan slowly pulling away from you and hiking his pants back up. After buttoning them, he ran a hand through his sex-tousled hair. The sight of his bicep flexing, coupled with the pants hanging low and loose on his hips, caused a stir between your thighs.

 Jesus Christ, girl, will you chill the hell out!

 Refusing to acknowledge the fact that your traitorous body was still itching for another round, you slid forward and off the table, bringing you to stand directly in front of Negan. You both looked at each other in silence for a moment, before twin grins broke out over your faces.

 “I can’t believe we just did that in here,” you said with a light laugh, bending over to grab your jeans off the tiles.

 “I gotta say, doll, that was the best fucking dessert I’ve ever had. It even beats your berry crisp.”

 Having been in the process of buttoning your jeans, your head flew up, a blush heating your cheeks at both his words and the way he was intently watching you. He had found his shirt and was already fully clothed, leaning a hip against the counter and greedily watching you get dressed. You felt the blush deepen at the sight of your own shirt dangling from his fingers. When you reached out a hand for it, he teasingly moved it out of reach.

 “You sure you wanna put this back on, doll?” he taunted. “I think you look fucking better without it.”

 Rather than make another grab for the shirt, you instead turned around and headed towards the door, throwing back over your shoulder, “Alright, fine, hope there aren’t too many of your men up and walking around right now.”

 You made it to the swinging doors leading to the cafeteria before a warm arm halted your forward movement by wrapping around your waist.

 “Damnit woman, are you trying to get all my men killed?” his voice growled in your ear.

 Turning with a grin, you gazed up at him with a falsely innocent look on your face. “What, you think a little peek of breast is gonna give them all heart attacks?”

 Squinting down at you with displeasure, Negan rolled up your shirt, so that the arm and head holes were easily accessible, and gestured at you. Lifting your arms obediently, you let him pull it down over your head, effectively covering all your more intimate assets from view.

 “More that they’d all be getting a fucking taste of Lucille for daring to look at something that isn’t theirs.”

 Biting your lip, you processed his possessive words. They caused a tingle in your chest, but you ignored it, instead deciding to keep the conversation light by rolling your eyes at him.

 “Last time I checked, I’m not anyone’s. It’s not the 1900s, Negan. Women aren’t property.”

 He looked as though he wanted to say something in response, but he smartly kept quiet, and instead pushed open one of the swinging doors, gesturing for you to proceed him out of the kitchen. The cafeteria was still dark and a bit creepy, but your internal clock told you that it wouldn’t be more than a couple of hours until more life brightened up the space.

 When you had both exited the cafeteria and entered the stairwell, you had a moment of self-doubt. It was probably almost 4am at this point, and you weren’t sure if it was time to make your way back to your own room. Course, your panties and bra were still in his room, as was your watch. Whether he sensed your hesitation or was acting of his own desire, Negan chose that moment to reach out and grab your hand with his, tangling your fingers together and continuing up the steps past the third floor and towards his own floor. Whelp, there goes that dilemma.

 You felt a thrill at the prospect that he wanted you to come back to his room, that he wasn’t ready to kick you out quite yet. You didn’t want to read too much into his gesture, but that didn’t stop you from feeling as though you might burst from happiness.

 When you made it back to his bedroom, which was still dimly lit by the one lamp, you excused yourself to use his bathroom. Relieving yourself and washing your hands, you came back out to find that he was already waiting in the bed. A quick glance at the dark mass of fabric on the floor was evidence that he was naked under the covers, so you quickly stripped down yourself. He lifted the sheet when you came around to the side of the bed, and you crawled in, turning around and immediately snuggling your back against his chest. Looping an arm around your waist, he pulled you in tight, dropping a light kiss to your shoulder before he settled into the pillows with a sigh.

 “Night, doll,” he husked, already sounding half asleep.

 Smiling in the darkened room, you closed your eyes and whispered back, “Good night, Negan.”

 As sleep claimed you, one thought lingered in your mind.

 A girl could get used to this.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

Tag List Part 1: (gonna try splitting this up again in a different way until I find which person’s blog is causing all the tags to deactivate *squints at each and every one of you*)

@hannibalssweaters @strangersangel9 @crazytxgradstudent @aestheticimagines @ericuhlorain @is-this-you-manning-up-sammy @sunriserose1023 @supernaturalocalypse @breakfast-of-a-teenage-killer @grynaszeme @despoinak27 @crowleyshellkitten  @coloursunlimited @colorsunimaginable @imhissecret @ornella95 @rapsity @mygoldenmile @angelak72081 @angixla @nijiru @belahbelieve @insomniasnightmare @immostlyconfused @rvstinhart @riotguuuurl @mega-kawaiipeacheagle @ioanashalala @wearethelastgenerationofhope @sweetdreadfulness @squid-from-mirkwood @thatgingefromtheinternet @lydiiv @heartfulloffandoms @whoopxd @umad0bitch @no-movrners-no-fvnerals @nohararin @doctorswife221b @toogardenenthusiast @avasmommy224 @12noboundaries13 @sabinab-vall @magnetosgirl @volatileviolentviolet @lalabasuco @favs-imagines @bigboldhead @kezzasaurus-rex @katyiskool @assthetic-princess @halloweenbeauty @monicapernas @jasoncrouse @ali-pennell @backseat-negan @jeffreydeanneganstrash @faith-in-dean @musiccitymel  @crzcorgi @mytreasures4eternity47 @boohoolisa @neganslittlebae @collette04 @miral-s-negan  @negandaddyjdm @myrumdiary